#and then i will learn a new language to feel it all again thats the magic

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the thing im enjoying most about learning a new language is learning new cultural context. i never noticed learning this with english probably bc youre already one foot in american pov before you even speak the language what with all the popular media coming from there, but with french i have to dig this knowledge out with my bare hands and it's really fun

like, when i read in a book that the english people at the english train station our english protagonist who just came home after 15 years exile in france is arriving at "were going about their business with their english sense of timing and rhythm", what am i supposed to understand by that? is that like a swiss clock sort of thing (another cultural reference you now realise you have learnt to understand the right way at some point even without knowing anything necessarily about swiss clocks) or more of a doctor who kind of sense of timing? what is the french cultural idea of the british and their sense of punctuality? i dont know yet! i feel like a child!

[mrfoox]

Uh. Gonna be honest. Idk how tf no one thought I could have dyslexia growing up. The older I get the more I wonder if I do...

[ryuzakistoe]

Conflicted (Michael Kaiser x Fem!reader)

angst, fem!reader, arguing, and uhhh basically all angst, childhood friends, swearing

a/n: after this I honestly have no idea who to do next. I'm kinda in between Isagi again or someone else🤷‍♀️

I also got this as inspiration

BTW IM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE

(omg I finally got it to work omg)

——

Experiencing someone you love deeply suddenly transform into a stranger can feel like the ground has fallen away beneath you. The trust you placed in them, the cherished memories, the laughter shared—all of it can vanish in an instant, leaving you grappling with an unbearable emptiness.

In the face of such devastation, some cling desperately to hope, convinced that the past can be reclaimed. They construct fragile illusions to shield themselves from the harsh truth, believing that everything will somehow return to the way it was. But these comforting lies only deepen the wounds, which lie temporarily closed, waiting to reopen with even more agony.

How long could you endure this torment? Some carry this weight for a lifetime, while others crumble under the pressure far too soon. For you, how long will you hold on, waiting for that moment when you perhaps see him again? How long until the heaviness of his “explanation” crushes you? In the end, when the truth finally pierces through the lies you've built around your heart, how will you cope with the devastation and lies?

Thats up to you.

…🥀…

Frequent moves were a normal part of your life, given that your father, a businessman, was always busy either supporting or establishing new companies. Over time, you became accustomed to the constant change, no longer feeling as upset or frustrated about leaving behind new memories and friends.

With your mother having sadly passed away, your father was the only family you had. However, his demanding schedule often kept him away, leaving you with too much free time. You would often wander aimlessly, your father always worrying since you were still so young.

One day, during one of these aimless walks, you noticed a boy around your age dressed in dusty, worn clothes, playing with an old, worn out soccer ball. You found yourself standing there, captivated, as he skillfully shifted the ball from one foot to the other. The fluid motion of his dribbling drew you in, sparking a sense of fascination.

Eventually, the boy noticed your quiet admiration.

"Can I help you, gnädige Frau?" he asked, his thick German accent coloring his voice as he stopped the ball under his foot.

Since arriving in Germany a few months ago, you had made steady progress with the language. Your father insisted you familiarize yourself with the formalities and learn a good number of words, as speaking German would be essential for getting by.

"I was just watching you play," you replied, mirroring his language and matching the casual energy in his tone.

He regarded you for a moment, as though sizing you up, before speaking again. "Do you know how to play? Fußball, meine ich," he said, his expression unreadable.

You hesitated briefly. While you were familiar with the basics and rules of football, you'd never actually played it. Your most significant experience with the sport had been attending a game with your cousin—an exciting memory, but that was as far as it went.

"I'm not sure how to play, but I understand the basics and the rules," you admitted, glancing briefly at the soccer ball.

"Only the basics, huh?" he murmured, flicking the ball up with the same foot that had held it steady. It flew in the air before dropping neatly into his arms.

The blonde boy began to walk toward you, his gaze fixed on you the entire time. Stopping just a few feet away, he asked, "What's your name?"

"Y/n L/n," you answered softly.

"Y/n L/n…" he echoed, as if testing the sound of your name on his tongue. His eyes drifted to the side, and he repeated your name again, his tone thoughtful, as though trying to commit it to memory or decipher some hidden meaning within it.

“And what's your name?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at his peculiar behavior.

The blonde boy seemed to snap out of his thoughts, his eyes meeting yours again. "Michael Kaiser," he replied.

Without warning, he tossed the ball toward you, giving you no time to react. It landed between your feet, and you glanced down at it slowly.

"Kick the ball," he instructed.

You looked back up at Kaiser, processing his words. Kick the ball? That sounded simple enough. You positioned your foot carefully, recalling how professional players did it, and swung your leg forward.

The ball rolled back to Kaiser with surprising smoothness, considering you had little experience with football.

Catching it effortlessly with his foot, Kaiser smirked. "Not bad for someone who doesn't know how to play," he remarked.

You weren’t sure if he was being genuine or just mocking you. "Thanks," you mumbled quietly, watching as he shuffled the ball between his feet.

He suddenly paused, then said something that caught you off guard. "Play with me."

You raised an eyebrow. "But I told you, I don’t really know how to play."

"I'll teach you," he responded almost instantly, his tone carrying a hint of urgency. There was a longing in his voice, and you could understand why. It had clearly been a while since he'd had anyone to play with.

Kaiser was always alone. The other kids avoided him, seeing him as an oddball because of his scruffy clothes, unkempt hair, and the bruises that covered him—marks left by his father. They treated him like an outcast, believing there was something wrong with him.

While they ignored him, Kaiser watched from a distance, wishing he could join in, longing for the kind of companionship they took for granted.

He would often imagine himself in the place of one of the other kids, letting his mind create a vivid scene of joining in and having fun. It was as if his consciousness played alongside them while his real body stayed behind, observing from a distance.

But now, he had a real chance to play with someone, no longer just imagining the experience.

Kaiser began teaching you everything he knew about football. You didn’t become an instant expert, but you quickly gained a better understanding of the sport. It started simply, with the two of you passing the ball back and forth while he explained the basics. Gradually, he introduced more advanced moves, each one more challenging than the last.

Before long, you had learned almost everything he had to teach, and Kaiser was genuinely pleased. Finally, he had someone to share the game with—a real companion, not just a daydream.

Day after day, whenever your father was busy with work, you met up with Kaiser. The two of you would play quick soccer matches, though Kaiser usually came out on top. It didn’t matter to him who won; having someone to share his favorite pastime with was all he had ever wanted as of right now.

You found yourself enjoying his company too. Since moving here, you hadn’t had anyone to talk to, spending most of your free time wandering aimlessly through unfamiliar places. Meeting Kaiser changed that. He had become an important part of your life, and you could tell that he felt the same.

The time you spent together brought you happiness, and the bond you shared grew stronger with each passing day. But then, a few years later, everything began to change.

…🥀…

Kaiser was well aware of his growing feelings for you. He wasn’t oblivious; he knew all too well the risks of letting them show. But that didn't stop them from deepening. It only made it harder to ignore.

After years of hard work, he finally secured a spot on Bastard München’s football team—a dream realized, and you had been there through it all. You were always by his side, ready to support him whenever he needed it. You were the person he could lean on, and that meant everything to him.

Over time, he came to depend on you. There were days when it felt like you were the only one who truly understood him, when he found himself seeking you out for solace. Your presence brought him a sense of calm that no one else could.

He began to rely on you.

It was inevitable, really. Being around someone as steadfast and caring as you, his feelings naturally began to shift and grow into something more.

He started to notice the way his gaze lingered on you whenever you spoke, how his cheeks would flush at the sight of your smile. He noticed how much weight your words carried with him, how the sun seemed to light up your skin in a way that drew him in. He couldn’t ignore the warmth that bloomed inside him just from seeing you.

He began to notice everything. And as much as he loved these feelings, he hated them just as much.

This was exactly what he was afraid of—this so-called "love" that threatened to unravel him. The thought of being vulnerable, of exposing that side of himself, terrified him. As his reputation as the "Emperor" grew, so did his fear of appearing weak.

His skills, his ego, and you—they had all shaped who he was and brought him to this point. He couldn’t afford to risk that. It was only natural that he didn’t want to gamble away everything he had worked for. Throwing it all away over a feeling seemed like the height of foolishness.

But was all the arguing and shared anger really worth it?

No, not at all.

…

"Y/n, is it really that hard for you to just listen to me?”

"But why…? Why now?"

The look Kaiser gave you was unfamiliar, his eyes now cold and distant. It was a side of him you had never seen before.

How did it come to this?

…

In the past few days, something had changed in him. The warmth that once lit up his face whenever he saw you had vanished, replaced by a faint scowl. The way he looked at you now—like you were just another bothersome fan—stung in a way you couldn’t understand. Sometimes he would just ignore your presence entirely, leaving you in silence.

"Y/n, I won't say it again. Please, for once, just listen and go. I don’t want to see you right now."

"But Michael! You still haven't told me why!" The desperation in your voice hung in the air, unanswered.

But It was as if Kaiser had just… snapped. Was it your endless questions? Your desperate pleas? Or maybe it was the look in your eyes each time he tried to brush you off.

"You want the truth, Y/n? Fine. Just looking at you makes me sick!"

His words hit like a punch to the gut, leaving you breathless. What did he mean? Had he always felt this way? If so, for how long? Were you too much for him?

A storm of thoughts swirled in your mind, each one cutting deeper than the last, as you felt the sting of tears welling up.

"Michael… what…?" you whispered, your voice trembling and barely audible.

"You make me feel sick, Y/n. Nauseous." His tone was sharp, laced with irritation, as if the very act of saying it exhausted him.

A couple of tears managed to form in your eye sockets as you quietly murmured, “Michael…but why? Why do I make you feel like this? Was it something I did..—”

Kaiser clenched his jaw, frustration and bitterness seething beneath his words. How could you be so clueless?

“Yes, Y/N, you did do something—no, you did everything!” he burst out. “Every time you smile, I can’t look away. Your stupid hair falls just right and it’s distracting. Your annoying voice—it calms me, like some kind of spell. And your eyes, the way they look at me… I feel sick because of the warmth you put in my stomach. I hate that I look forward to your presence, that you’re all I think about, that I’ve developed these feelings for you—I hate it all!” His fists tightened, a mix of embarrassment and anger rising to his face.

Your eyes widened. Was this a confession? Were these compliments or just veiled insults? What was he trying to say?

You stared at him, speechless, before managing to whisper, “Michael… you… you have feelings for me?”

Kaiser glanced away, reluctant to admit it. But there was no denying it—this was, in its own way, almost a confession.

Mind you, Almost, a confession.

"I wish I didn’t." His voice was low, almost resigned, and you couldn't help the frown that tugged at your lips. Why would he want to bury something as powerful as this? It didn’t make sense.

"Michael… " you spoke, your voice barely a whisper. "Why would you wish these feelings away? I… I could feel the same way about you, you know…"

He shook his head slowly, as if each movement was a struggle. When he spoke, his tone was firm but tinged with something that resembled sorrow. "It doesn't matter, Y/n. Even if you do, I can't accept it. I can’t accept us."

His words hit you like a cold gust of wind. "You mean… you wouldn't be able to return my feelings?" Your chest tightened as you forced out the question, though deep down, you already knew the answer.

Michael's silence was answer enough, but still, you couldn’t let it end there. "Well," you began, the words stumbling out before you could stop them, "I guess that’s just too bad because… I really do have feelings for you." Your voice wavered slightly, betraying how hard it was to admit, but the truth had taken root too deeply to be ignored.

You had begun to realize it months ago, maybe even longer. The symptoms of love crept in slowly, almost imperceptibly at first—the way his presence made you feel more alive, the longing to hear his voice even when he wasn’t around, the flutter in your chest with every small gesture. Now, standing in front of him, all those little moments coalesced into something undeniable. Yet, here you were, offering your heart to someone who refused to hold it.

You found yourself looking forward to every visit with him, craving the moments you could be near. Even though you saw each other regularly, it never felt like enough. You often caught yourself inventing excuses just to stay a little longer, clinging to each second as if it might be your last chance to be close.

Your gaze drifted toward him, hoping to catch his eye and find some sign of understanding there. But instead of meeting your gaze, he looked away, his expression guarded.

"As I said before, Y/n, I can't," he repeated, his voice steady but distant.

Frustration surged within you, a knot tightening in your chest. Why couldn’t he just explain? Why was he so determined to keep you at arm's length? "Michael, for heaven’s sake, just tell me why!" you demanded, your voice rising with a mix of irritation and desperation. "Why can’t you? We could figure this out… it doesn’t have to be this way."

You were exhausted—tired of the same vague answer, the same unyielding response. "I can’t" wasn’t good enough anymore. You needed the truth, a real reason to justify the wall he kept building between you.

Kaiser noticed the edge in your voice, and frustration flared in his eyes as he responded, his tone sharper than before. "Because I can't risk everything I’ve worked so hard for, Y/n! I’ve fought so hard to get where I am now, and I can't afford any distractions—not even love."

Distraction?

You blinked, his words hitting you like a slap. He thought this—whatever was between you—was just a distraction?

"H-huh…?" you breathed, the word barely audible as it slipped from your lips.

Kaiser tilted his head back, a bitter sigh escaping him as his jaw clenched in obvious irritation. "Did you not understand what I just said?" His voice dripped with exasperation, as though explaining himself was an exhausting chore.

You felt your brows draw together in a scowl, his words twisting in your mind. Of course, you heard him loud and clear, but all you could focus on was how cruel and dismissive he sounded. This whole "distraction" excuse felt like nothing but bullshit—a convenient shield to hide behind, rather than an honest reason.

"Is that what I am to you?" you said, your voice quivering with anger. It seems as if this was just another excuse of his.

His answer left you both hurt and furious, a bitter mix of emotions twisting inside you. Sure, you finally got the explanation you’d been pushing for, but this? This was what he had to say?

"Love… a distraction?" you echoed, your voice strained as you struggled to keep your composure. "Michael, are you serious right now?" You could barely recognize the man standing before you; this wasn’t the Michael Kaiser you thought you knew.

"Do I look like I'm making this up, Y/n?" he shot back, his tone icy and unyielding. "I can’t let anything interfere. I've worked too hard for what I have, and I won't risk losing it all just to chase after some fantasy. I can’t afford to be blinded by ‘love.’ I can’t afford to be weak. Not now." He took a step closer, his gaze piercing into yours.

You stared into those familiar blue eyes—eyes that once looked at you with warmth and admiration. Now, they were cold and hollow, carrying only frustration and something far more unsettling: emptiness. It was like staring into the eyes of a stranger, someone who had shed any trace of the person you thought you cared for.

"I want to be the best, and I can’t do that with emotions weighing me down," he said, his tone harsh and unyielding. "I need a clear path, free from distractions. Do you even realize how much I stand to lose if I let the smallest thing pull my focus? I could lose everything. I could end up weak… and that’s something I refuse to accept."

His words felt like a cold slap, each one slicing through you. "I’ve sacrificed so much just to get where I am today. So there it is, Y/n. I won’t let these emotions derail me. Not even for you."

A tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it, a silent testament to the heartbreak squeezing your chest. Was this really it? Was he just going to leave you behind because you didn’t fit into his perfect, distraction-free life? It felt like the ground had fallen out from beneath you.

"This is bullshit, Michael," you snapped, your voice shaking with anger. "You’re just going to drop me like that? After everything? After all the times I’ve been there for you, stood by your side, supported you through every step of your soccer career—this is how you repay me? Do you even realize how messed up that is?"

Your voice rose, trembling with the frustration and betrayal burning inside you. "You can’t just cut me out because I don’t fit neatly into your plans. Do you even hear yourself right now?"

Anger flared in his eyes, and his voice rose, laced with frustration. "Yes, Y/n, I’m going to leave you! Didn’t you hear a word I just said? I can’t risk everything I’ve worked for. I’ve come too far to let ‘love’ make me weak—I’ll lose it all!"

"Why can’t you see that love won’t make you weak?" you cried out, your voice cracking with desperation.

"Tch. I already told you—it’s a distraction," he shot back, his tone cold and dismissive.

Each word felt like a dagger, piercing deeper as he repeated the same relentless argument, as if mocking the very idea of you. He was unyielding, his walls built so high that nothing you said could seem to reach him.

"So that’s it, then?" you murmured, your voice trembling as tears stung your eyes. "All of it? All of this—even me—it’s just a distraction?"

For a split second, something in his expression wavered. The guilt in his eyes betrayed him as he saw the hurt etched across your face. But just as quickly, he masked it, his pride and stubbornness locking him in place. He stayed silent, his hand twitching as if he wanted to reach out but refused to let himself.

The truth was, when you first told him how you felt, a spark of joy had flickered inside him—something he hadn’t felt in a long time. But now, with every pained word that left your lips, he buried that feeling deeper, forcing it down beneath the weight of his ambition. He couldn’t afford to let you see it. He couldn’t afford to let himself feel it.

It pained him to see you like this, knowing he was the cause. He never intended to hurt you like this—never imagined he’d be the one to break your heart.

Of course, his ambitions meant more to him than his "best friend." That was the cruel truth—his future outweighed everything, even you.

The silence stretched between you until you finally broke it, your voice trembling. "Is that a yes or a no, Michael? Please… just answer me."

His gaze softened at the sight of you, your face etched with desperation and pain. He truly felt bad—guilt clawed at him—but he couldn’t let it sway him. He believed this was necessary. He believed it was for the best.

"Yes," he said quietly.

The word hit you like a blow, and your head dropped, a broken breath escaping your lips. You never thought it would come to this—never imagined this was how the two of you would part ways.

Quiet sobs began to slip from you, growing louder with each passing second as tears streamed down your cheeks. Soon, the dam broke, and you were wailing into your hands, trying in vain to wipe away the endless flow of tears. Your heart ached with a hollow emptiness that spread through your chest—the same emptiness that Michael once filled, now torn wide open.

It felt as though a piece of you had been ripped away. You and Michael had been through hell and back together, always supporting and lifting each other up. Now, there was a cold, hollow place in your heart where he used to be, a void that felt unbearable.

After a moment, you forced yourself to look up, only to see him walking away, the distance between you growing with every step.

"Michael… mein Schatz… come back… please…" you whispered, your voice breaking. "I can't do this without you…" But he was already too far to hear, your pleas swallowed up by the empty space between you.

Kaiser kept his eyes on the ground, watching his own feet carry him further away. He didn’t dare look back. "Goodbye, meine Liebe…" he murmured softly, the words escaping like a breath.

a/n: so I actually kinda took my time with this so I hope its better 😐

Also I just rewatched aot, tell me why I forgot how FINE jean was in s4🤧😫 (and Levi)

ANDDD IM ROCKING WITH BLLK S2🤤

I'm going to lick his tattoos bro

[envy-of-the-apple]

The yan!stsg x reader cheating has me in a chokehold for days actually! As much as its thrilling, vindicating and flattering that these hoes come crawling back(except for gojo? Hes like the newest addition to you so hes just strolling in your 3sum 😭😂), beneath that surface is actually a heavy cesspool of angst(i love angsts!) like thats where your vision of unrequited love in yan trope comes in delicious clutch

Youve forgiven, moved on and stuff— theres no coming back to loving suguru again; but the banger is!!! Amidst your years captivity, you forgot how you started loving suguru. Yep, forgot.

You dont wonder the moot points how suguru is unrecognizable from the time youre with him nor question yourself what made you fell in love with the pos in the first place.

But youre trying to remember how you fell for him in the past because you feel nothing now; indifference, and how jarring you find yourself to be in this predicament— and so that trying to be with the two in your turbulent captivity would be freeing in companionship.

But the thing is, your feelings are like ashes that stsg is trying to ignite again, but you feel nothing; or a blind person trying to perceive colors or stuff.

JUST imagine sugurus pain in the later years, youve got hidden diary in between your cloud docs or written in little receipts thats about your regrets and your love for a person(thats after him) and that love is so full of passion and longing its borderline painful that you tried to get back to feeling any semblance of emotions for suguru but failed. Just suguru pathetically stewing in regret, how he shouldve handled both you and gojo and rage, because you loved another person thats equivalent to how you used for HIM lmaooo

I hope ive articulate my feelings for this prompt quite fine??? Im struggling with english(its my 2nd language), i hope you get the gist of it xD thanks for listening to my rant, but i had to share this brain rot 😭🙏😊

istg if you dont get outta my inbox and wRITE THIS SHIT RN-

ughhh i think its even worse that you've forgiven them, right???? lets face it, it's only cuz of you suguru and satoru were even able to get together. those two fucking suck at communication and you basically taught suguru to love and be vulnerable. maybe, even before the cheating happened, you became friends with Satoru, you talked about things together, he become softer with you and he fell for you. They both loved you, but they loved eachother too.

you forgive them, because of course you do. but it still hurts to see them, so you leave. Maybe you move cities, ignore their phone calls, block their numbers. You meet someone else. Someone who gently puts you back together, makes you learn to trust again.

You forgive Satoru and Suguru enough to send them wedding invitations. It's all water under the bridge, you think to yourself. You don't realize that they still aren't over you. That they will never feel complete without you. They've lost contact with you for years but now you've given them an exact date, time, and location.

They don't care how happy you are with your new partner. All that they care about is how happy they'll make you.

[yandereend]

Hi!

I was wondering if you’d write a hazbin hotel imagine with a Yandere Lucifer x Reader x Platonic Yandere Ángel Dust?

Maybe Adam casted them out of heaven for rejecting him and they run into Angel Dust, who protects them and tries to keep their mind innocent like an older brother. (Either a actual sibling or just sibling figure is okay.)

They are very shy and when Lucifer comes to visit the hotel and sees them, he immediately falls in love much to Angels dismay who wants to keep them to himself.

If you don’t like the idea I totally get it and I hope you are having a wonderful day/night!

-W.P 💚

No I love the idea!!! It’s so great, I hope you like my take

🧡Yandere lucifer x reader x platonic Yandere Angeldust🩷

TW : hazbin hotel should be its own trigger, yandere stuff, kinda religious

Please keep in mind that English is not my first language

Your in hell and its not your fault. Nobody warned you that the first man would immediately set the record for the biggest asshole.

When you died at such a young age everything seemed good. Well considering the circumstances since your in heaven… yay. You loved your new look, the new wings and new boyfriend.

Adam was nothing like you expected. He seemed young, energetic and kinda hot ? So you two hit it off and he never lied about his nickname.

Dickmaster seemed like a nice guy and everything was going great.

And when he told you about Charlie Morningstar you where so excited. It was so cool and it was everything you thought heaven stood for. But … you were wrong, in Adams opinion you were and you learned quickly how fast he would throw someone away like a used toy.

So then you are sitting in the lobby of the Hazbin Hotel explaining your situation to the kindest woman you ever met, surrounded by sketchy figures you couldn’t judge immediately.

And here your now, standing behind your bestfriend Angeldust who shields you protectively from the supposed evil Lucifer Morningstar.

He was like a big brother to you, being your favorite person to laugh with and share your feelings about your ex-lover to.

Angeldust has so much sympathy for you, knowing how it feels to be betrayed by the one you love over and over again, but you will never feel like that again.

You both will be redeemed and go to heaven together and there he can take of you like you deserve. His little sister deserves nothing but the best, and he will be just that.

But Lucifer makes it so hard for him to achieve his goal. That bastard looks at you with those lustfull eyes hes seen so often and he hates it! He hates his dumb hat! His ugly grin! And why does he have that tail ?!

But its not just lust in lucifers eyes, its love. No maybe that’s not right. Obsession fits perfectly. Your just so sweet. Innocent like Eve was, but with the passion that Lilith had.

He sees his old life in you, back when he would spend his days with his brothers and the other angels, just like you. He wants you to himself, he deserves it after all his hardships!! He would treat you right! You can be Charlies stepparent! ..or maybe your younger than her … You two can have a new baby together!!

Yeah thats it, who gives a shit about Lilith?! Your the new Quenn of hell !

Or you would be, if he can convince Charlie to stop protecting you and that dumb spider bitch!

🩵I hope you liked it W.P🩵

I hope you all enjoyed, please tell me if you would like a second part. And feel free to leave feedback 🩵

[onskepa]

Tirol: A pod

This is a request from @nyx-daughterofchaos98

context: This is a request for Part 2

Tirol in the water hunting with some Metkaiyna (earning their place in the tribe) and finds they can safely use their voice to communicate with the Tulkun. And it’s so similar to being with the pod again Tirol starts crying and the Tulkun and Metkaiyna comfort them.

I hope you and everyone enjoy what I have created~!!

tirol

------------------------

It has been 6 months since the sully’s moved to the metkayina clan. And a full 4 months since everyone has been fully accepted and being one with the people. From the lifestyles, the diets, skills, culture, everything. Now it is becoming like a second home. 

And for Tirol? It has become her heaven on Pandora. To thrive and explore the massive reefs, expand on her skills and be as free as her ancestors once were. Oh how it was magical for her. Too good to be real. Yet every day just as the sun peeks through the horizon, she makes the first dive of the day into the water. Letting the cold temperature awaken her, making her realize it was not a dream, it is all real. And it has become a ritual for her. 

However, time to time does the emotions get the best of tirol. Seeing how the metkayina thrive and move as one with each other. To share, and to communicate, truly like a pod. And with the Tulkun, does she think back to the stories she grew up with. How very similar her people were to the tulkun. 

For all tirol can do is make best of her new home. Thats it while thriving alongside the sullys. Any chore related to going in the water, Tirol will be the first to accept any chore. Gather shells? Only the best, collect seaweeds? The longest ones, the best fish? Only of high quality. 

If it is not chores related, Tirol would just swim around absent mindedly. Or would even play some games with her friends. Anything to keep her mind busy. 

Until the Tulkun came once more, there she had a breaking point.

Everyone ran to the reef, so many cheers and screams of happiness. Old friends meeting each other, new bonds being formed, and young ones being introduced. It was a reunion to always look forward to. Seeing family, friends again after so long. 

So when Tirol swam around, seeing the tulkuns, she greets them in her vocal range that is similar to their vocals. Matching the same pitch and still learning new ways of communication. While Sign language is easy and better, she can't help but love speaking in the language of the tulkuns. It feels more like her language.Well, what is left of it. 

“Child, I see you have gotten a lot better at speaking like us” Roa spoke to Tirol. And Tirol couldn't help but smile at the praise. 

“Thank you Roa, how are you and your baby? Was the travel safe?” She asks, Roa nods and presents her child who has gotten a lot bigger since the last visit. Roa would never miss proudly showing her baby to anyone when given a chance. 

“Yes, and my darling child has an abundance of energy, swimming long distances isn't enough to calm him. But I must not be negative, I am happy that he is thriving and energetic” Roa continues. And tirol nods in agreement. 

After a sweet goodbye, Roa and her child leave to look for Ronal. 

Seeing the sight gave Tirol a bittersweet feeling, quickly she swam to a more private area of the reef. Perhaps there is still some left in her that must be released. 

Ronal swam in the darker areas of the reef, collecting a few corals and seaweed as she has a creative idea in mind, But as she swam more near a small cave, she noticed a familiar tail. 

Being careful, she tugs at the end of the fin, a quick retreat reflex was made by tirol. Lifting her head up, Tirol made eye contact with Ronal. Ocean sounds were the only noise that was made for a few seconds. 

“What are you doing down here? Why are you not at the shore with everyone?” Ronal asks. Examining Tirol’s expression, she seems sad, as if she lost something. 

“Is everything alright?” She asks once more. 

Tirol nods and gives half a smile, “Yes I am fine. I just needed a moment to my self that is all. I am fine, really. Thank you for your concern Tsahik” She signs back. Lifting herself from the cave, she comes out. “I will head back now” Tirol informs, saying their goodbyes, Ronal sees Tirol swim away, letting the ocean blur her sight.

“Would you like to join us on the hunt tirol? We could use your skills, the currents are a bit high today” Ao’nung invites tirol. She was in the middle of doing a chore in the village, keeping herself busy. Perhaps another dive in the water would help. 

“Sure, I like to hunt,” Tirol replies. Meeting at an agreed time, she gets ready with her new spear and a bag sack to carry her kill. 

Wasn't long that she had to wait, meeting ao’nung, tonowari and a few others who welcomed her, they all dived into the water. She noticed a small gathering of reef tick’s, perhaps after the hunt she will catch some. Their meat has a great taste when roasted just right. Even if she gets odd looks, if it is good, then it is good. 

“The tulkun will be joining us in the hunt as well” Tonowari signs to everyone. And on cue, they arrived at the wider areas. Some of the warriors went with their spirit siblings, and whenever she sees warriors move to the tulkuns, it takes every fighting urge to follow. But where or who does she go? She has no spirit sibling. Or anyone really to call family. 

That was the first start of a cracking. 

“We did it brother!” Ao’nung cheers with his spirit brother, they sing in success. Tonowari and his spirit brother were counting the kills and deciding it was enough for everyone. 

Tirol hates to admit it, but she envies the tulkun, she envies the metkayina. The burning envy that surges in her heart. A burn that won't fade away. To be constantly reminded that she won't have what they have. Even when she was fully welcomed by everyone, the feeling like an outsider won't leave. 

Seeing everyone leave for the shores, she insisted on staying behind. If she leaves up to the shores, everyone will see the tears that are leaving her eyes. 

“Here, there is plenty tuk” Tsireya smiles as she serves tuk some cooked fish to which tuk accepts happily. Everyone sat together with a fire in the center. The positive energy was at its peak. Well, almost. 

“Has anyone seen tirol?” Kiri asks as she looks everywhere at the crowd. Ao’nung was quick to reply. 

“She joined us on a hunt this afternoon. She was pretty good, getting the big ones all by herself. But when we were done, Tirol stayed. Didn't say much, just that she wanted time for herself” 

Everyone looked at each other in worry. It is not that they didn't notice but, for days the sully kids noticed Tirol wasn't much her chirpy self. Looking at the ocean and had a long absent look into her eyes. More quiet and spending all more time at the sea than on land.  

“Even my mother found her in a little cave at the deeper side of the reef. She thought it was odd but Tirol left after my mother found her” Tsireya informed. 

Before more could be said, a sound was heard. 

A loud, unholy sound was heard everywhere. There was no sense of direction of where it was coming from. Its loud shrieks of pain reached everyone's ears. Many covered them, to block out the loud cries. 

But the cries were too strong, and soon all of those with a soft heart began to cry. Tuk, tsireya and kiri were the first to shed tears. Their wails harmonize with the loud cries. They couldn't stop no matter how hard they tried. The boys did their best, but rotxo too gave in and began to cry like never before. 

Tonowari and Ronal were looking at the phenomena that was taking over their people. Many begged for it to stop. Many can't even form words. The cries of the unknown source was just too powerful. 

Far beyond the shores, tonowari noticed the odd behavior of the tulkuns. Fins were swaying, many were jumping and landing roughly in the waters. Whatever it is, it is in the water disturbing every life around. 

Those who havent shed tears yet joining tonowari and ronal into the waters, and stop the cries. 

The tulkun were swimming in a spiral manner, circling something in the center. However, underwater, was just as bad as above. The tulkuns cried as though they lost someone. The deep pain and suffering, cries from the deepest parts of the heart. 

“Sister! Sister, what is happening!?” Ronal asks as soon as she caught the fin of Roa, catching a ride. Roa’s eyes meter hers, red and glazed looking. 

“The girl ronal! She is hurt! Her pain has become our pain, we can't stop!” 

Trying to see who was hurt, Ronal took the risk of letting go of roa and swim to the center, And to her shock, it was Tirol. The girl was crying so loud, her voice reached high notes, it was unbelievable. But even more unbelievable is how a sweet girl had the power to bring others into tears as well. 

“Tonowari! It is tirol! She is behind this!!” Ronal signs but Tonowari couldn't read it as the tulkuns were in the way. Seeing as how it won't do much, Ronal takes it upon herself, she swims further down to where the siren was at. But the closer she got, the louder the cries, and the more powerful her voice was. 

So powerful, it was making Ronal weak, she can't see but she can feel the tears escape. Her heart weighed more than normal, her mind hazy. Using all her strength, she roughly grabs triol’s shoulders, making her turn to face ronal. 

Opening her eyes, Tirol saw Ronal and gasped. Her cries stop, but for a moment. And that moment was vital, as the tulkuns stopped moving in a spiral manner. Many of the metkayina swam to their siblings, making sure they were ok. 

Tirol seeing the consequences of her meltdown, she hung her head low. Shame filling her mind. 

“To the shores, now” Ronal signs. 

“Im so so sorry, I didn't mean to cause such havoc on everyone” Tirol apologies for the millionths time. Everyone gathered around her. Tsireya, ao’nung, rotxo and the sully kids found tirol and other members sitting near a rock bedding, Joining them to learn what happened. 

The tulkun near by to see and hear for themselves.

Tirol kept her head low, unable to face everyone after what she did. 

“Your voice…..it sounded as though you were in great pain. I never heard anything like that. It made everyone cry like no other” Tonowari says gently. The poor girl was shaken and didn't want to cause any more distress. 

“My voice is powerful…but so are my emotions. It is a terrible combination to have. Yet, I let it control me” Tirol whispered. 

Gently placing her arm over Tirol’s shoulder, Ronal had to ask, “What happened Tirol?”. 

“You have been odd these past few days” Neteyam adds. 

“You looked more sad, and quiet. I missed playing with you” Tuk sads with a sad face. 

“Is there something going on that no one knows? You can tell us' ' Tsireya encourages. 

Taking a deep sigh, Tirol confesses. 

“I began to feel….sad, lonely, and not very much myself ever since the tulkun arrived. I saw how they are like. The tulkuns care for one another, move as one and become so unified that it makes me happy to see it. But also, when you all reunite with them, you are all one big family. A community, a pod”. 

Blinking to hold back the tears, she continues. 

“I never had that. From the stories I was told, my people, my ancestors were very much like the tulkun. Traveling together, living together, being close. Sharing a culture and traditions. To meet other clans and family. And I can't help but imagine…!!” Tirol chokes on her words, more tears escaping her eyes. Kiri gently rubbing her back, adding comfort to her despair. 

“But imagine what that would have been like with my kind. What my life would have been like if there was another siren. To know I am the only siren on Pandora, it is lonely. There is no other like me. That I will never have my own pod. My own place to truly belong” 

Tirol lifts her head up, facing the reef na’vi. 

“I am forever grateful you all accepted me. Welcome to me and my friends. I have never been more in touch with the water than I have while living here. In these waters has been more like home. But it is never home. All I have left of my kind are stories that will one day be forgotten. And yet….how…how can I miss something that I never had…?” 

Tirol’s words touched many. More tears were spilled, and many more now understand what she was going through. 

“Oh tirol…we understand how you feel. Despite all that you have and more, your inner nature could never be fulfilled” Ronal says. She can't help but feel sorry for the young girl. No one has to go through this emotional torture. 

“But you do belong here. The ocean is your home, your calling. You are one of us” Tonowari adds in. 

Everyone says their heartfelt words to tirol. And each one helped her feel better. Wiping away her tears, she smiles. But the tulkuns have something else to say. 

“You have everything? You knife, food, spear, extra clothing-” 

“Yes Jake, I have everything” Tirol kindly interrupted her father figure. There were smiles all around her, many in happiness, and many in sadness. Like tuk. 

“I will miss you so much! Don't forget me or any of us!” Tuk says as she hugs tirol tightly. Giggling a bit, she pats the childs head. 

“I could never forget you, not you or anyone. And besides, I will come back. And with so many stories to tell” Tirol replies. 

She hugged all of her friends as they cries, wishing her a good farewell. 

“It is time,” Ronal announces. 

Taking a deep breath, and one last look at her beloved ones, Tirol heads to the shallow waters. 

“We will come back as always!” With a bright smile, she dives into the water, letting her legs become her beautiful tail. 

The tulkun were waiting for her. Positioning herself in the middle of the herd, they all began to swim, heading out to the open sea. Full of unknown places, and more adventures. 

Roa staying close to tirol she asks, “are you scared?” 

With a confident smile, she answers “no, this is what I needed. This is what I longed for, no backing out now”. 

Yes, it was a hard choice, but a good one. Leaving the clan, her friends, all that she knew to join the tulkuns and their long travels. This was it. What she longed for as come true, Tirol has found her pod. 

Aaaaaaand that is all for this one! I kinda got carried away. But I hope everyone likes it! Until next time! see ya!

[poppy-metal]

Toxic!BalletAU!Jordan where your dance studio becomes you two's bubble.

On paper most rooms are free for all at all times but when you need some privacy you need to schedule and Jordan always needs some privacy especially since you two have been paired up for more than one performance together.

you two have been spending all your time together training and with Jordan always scheduling your time together in the evening your training has been long and tiresome often leading to the two of you exhausted on the floor.

With pauses here and there you test the water, sometimes your questions are met with dry, "shut up." Or "that's none of your buisness." But sometimes after a three hour session Jordan is exhausted enough to answer your questions.

It feels a bit like pillow talk, Jordan will be spread on the floor trying to rest for a few minutes while you'll be massaging your ankles and they'll huff before answering your questions.

You touch everything little by little, their power, if they were scared the first time they shifted, how their parents reacted or questions unrelated to that like how they came to want to become a dancer or what music they listen to.

You two feel it. Especially Jordan when the sun sets and it's been down for a few hours, the vibe has changed it's different and it's just the two of you. They'll still be banter and sarcasm but they'll be soft moments too where Jordan would check their notifications and messages before they turn around ready to start again when they see you napping on the floor and 'reluctantly' (that's what they convince themselves) let you sleep for a small 30 minutes before they gently nudge you with their foot to stand back up and go at it again.

I have so many more in store!

oh my god im melted ice cream on the floor

me when I wrote more than i expected to.

they really start showing their love language too ( i think they're heavy on physical touch and acts of service) to the point where they have this since of pride in their chest whenever you look to them expectantly, doe like eyes wide, and they present you with your protein bar. they ignore the warmth in their chest at how it feels to - to take care of you - feed you, watch you get replenished. and you start falling into this sense of comfort around them, even if there's still moments you genuinely don't know if they hate you or not, you couldn't do what you're doing with anyone else. something in you feels safe around them, despite the thorns threatening to prick you at every turn.

but it feels good to learn about them little by little. you try and be a positive person, maybe you try too hard but thats a discussion for another time, but you're suprised at the intensity of the dark emotions that come over you when you learn about their parents, the way they dont accept jordan - how they're basically the whole reason jordan doesn't shift in front of people here. it actually makes jordan laugh one day, a sharp sound - "shit - you look like a pissed off little rabbit. what, you gonna pout my parents to death?"

that leads to you huffing and shoving at their shoulders, and they actually nudge over a little, in their fem!form - and that's how it starts. a tussle, playfighting really - they just suddenly can't stop giggling at your attempts to be intimidating and you start off miffed but end up just doing it to hear them continue to laugh - because its such a beautiful sound. you think you could bottle it up. wear it around your neck forever.

eventually they pin you under them, panting a little, grinning and flushed - their longer hair fluttering in the space between you. and the giggles die down, their eyes go from mirth at your expense to something - something shockingly tender. it traps the air in your chest. you both have a moment of looking at eachothers lips, then your eyes, before they're leaning in, hungry and fast - and this is all so new - you've never been kissed by anyone - let alone a woman - and you find you're not afraid. far from it. your legs seem to spread natrually, wrapping around their slim waist, pulling them into you.

they kiss you so intensely, its ravenous really, a moan clawing its way from deep in their chest as they move to kiss along your neck - reach down and grip your thigh, yanking it higher around their hips so they can - can grind down. and you gasp at the friction of their cunt on yours - the tights you're both wearing thin enough you can feel the pressure as they drive their hips against you - mimicking - mimicking

"this is how i think about fucking you - " they say, biting at your earlobe, "all the damn time."

you whine, hands scrabbling at their back - "jordan." you gasp, "don't stop - please dont stop."

"fuuck." it comes out like a hiss, they're really rutting you into the floor now, you can feel the wetness of your cunt, of theirs, seeping together, mixing in the sheer fabric separating you both - "god, what're you doing to me." a hand sneaks up, wraps around your throat in an almost punishing manner, "haven't cum this way in ages - fuck - this little freshmen cunt -"

they're cut off, groaning, and your thighs squeeze around their hips, rocking your pelvis up to meet theirs and you hit that peak right after they do - eyes rolling back into your skull at how good it is.

they roll off you, staring up at the ceiling. a kind of dazed, content expression on their face.

and then you say, "that's never happened to me before."

its like a shudder comes down - reality crashing back. they suddenly remember you're a fucking - virgin. and they dont get attached. fuck. especially too people they're working closely with. that familiar panic, panic at this becoming - a thing. they sit up.

"yeah, well. now we can put this - whatever the fuck it was - sexual tension, i guess, behind us. no more missteps."

you feel your heart crack a little. "um, jordan?"

they glance at you as they get their things, and its like weeks of progress has melted away. they're already on their phone, fingers flying across the screen. they shift back into their masc!form, running a hand through their hair as they stop beside you.

they look down at you, something like pity in their eyes, and it makes you sick.

"look freshie." they sigh, "dont make it a thing, okay? we got caught up, we fucked around to let off some steam, this kinda shit happens all the time. bright and early tomorrow, I'll see you then. dont be fucking late."

you try not to cry as you pack your things - alone in the studio. funny how you thought just thirty minutes ago - that you felt safe with them. now you'd been pricked by the thornes, and fuck, if the wound didn't hurt.

outside, jordan kicks over a trashcan. probably way too aggressively. they run both hands through their hair, and actually debate going back inside. taking it all back. because that had been something raw, and real, and vulnerable. but they dont. not for the first time, they harden their heart towards you, and vow to not get close enough to the flame to let it burn them again.

[simpfordemetri]

THEY PASSED THE TEST! VOLTURI KINGS X READER

Y/N never had any good relationship,in the past she always conformed herself with the bare minimum,her last boyfriend were absolutely horrendous,she begged all the time to him to even show a bit of his love for her but he never did.

Then the relationship turned into complete manipulation as he promised he will change and act like a man,you believed him over and over again hoping some day it will be true.

Until you started therapy,that women helped you a lot to achieve self love,self steem,and what you deserve in the person you love.Not talking about material,no,love can be show in many ways and there are many love languages.

Time later,in a ship to Volterra you met them,the Kings,Aro,Caius and Marcus,at first you were reluctant to met them,to be fair they were three men who said you are their mate,they are vampires and they are kings who rule the vampire world.

You spent your days in the library,reading through all the mistery books they have there to entertain yourself and everyday trying new recipes from a kitchen book they keep there.Or on the music room,learning easy song on the piano that you barely know how to use.Days were long and each day you noticed changes in their behaviour that made you question yourself if you should give them a try.

First month when you entered your room a huge buquet of flower,that you didnt know how but they were your favourite,was there in the middle of the room.

Everyday your breakfast was delivered to your room without question.There wasnt a day they skipped it.

All weeks you received love notes,each week from one of them,and they all have a special talent on writing romantic quotes.

Expensive jewlery appear out of nowhere every once in a while with your favourite gold color.

That list of things could go on until today,the day you decided to go in the throne room and talk to them,in private,just you…four,sounded weird.

You woke up early,and there was your breakfast,after eating it,you took a shower,changed into something nice but comfy,did your makeup natural just adding concealer,blush and lash mascara and with that you headed to the throne room.

The doors were opened for you as you entered the big room where you have been just a couple of times.

The big smile of Aro greet you as he shouted your name in happiness.

Not knowing what to said,you decided to let them talk.anyways they were the ones that had to show their truly excitment of being with you.

-Cara mia,is a pleasure to finally have you here,we decided to give you some spice as you seemed…a bit unwilling of getting to know us-Aro started.

-I was,and im still are-

-No need to be like that,we are sure you saw all our gifts right?All of that were your favourite,we got contacts-Caius,for the first time in ages,were truly happy and soft while talking.

-I can see the bound grew strong,you can give as a chance,we are good lovers for you,afterall we are mated,its not decided by us,its decided by destiny.If you dont like it,you are free to go.-Marcus said,and he wasnt lying,he and his brother agreed on letting you go if thats was what you wanted

When you hear that,your heart made a click,you want to go?No you dont want that,its not that bad here and the feeling of letting this behind was very stressful to think about.

Without warning Aro took your hand in his reading your thougts as you seemed to be zoned out.His face light up in love looking back to his brothers.

-We have a chance-

Hope you like this🫶🏼

[preposterousjams]

Girlhood and Cassandra Cain: a messy analysis

I love how through Batgirl (2000) we just see Cass learn to be a semi-functioning "normal" girl and how she slowly goes from a life centred around justice and violence to a girl with so much wonder in her heart

Like girl starts out only knowing that she can be one thing: A good fighter. So obviously, to her, her own life outside of that means nothing if its non existent.

And at the same time, she doesn't really know what being a "regular person" means. She's had 2 identities: Weapon and Batgirl. In between both she was just surviving and it probably sucked rlly bad. She used to not picture a life outside of Cain, and now she cant picture a life outside of Batgirl. She literally has met like a total of 30 ppl in her life and talked to like 4.

But even with her very limited idea of normal social interactions she is unafraid of trying to show ppl love. She sees through their body language that the opposite of pain is love. But that kind of love requires an interaction outside of fighting.

She can't understand english much at the beginning but her initial drive to learn is not to be a better detective or batgirl related, its her love for people. For them to be happy. Its like a way of being useful.

But when others treat her in the same way, when others show her affection, she wants so bad to experience those connections over and over again. Mutual loving relationships are a new experience to her and she can't get enough of it.

She needs help on a case so what does she do? She breaks into Stephanie's room after meeting her like a single time because who knocks anyways?

wdym its not normal to knock ppl out when they're annoying? Like its convenient so y not?

She quickly makes her first friends but doesn't really know how to act or communicate but still manages to joke around in her own way. But they're happy, and she's happy, so it works.

She even watches crime shows and reality tv like guides on how to interact with people on missions and irl.

But gradually, all these small interactions let her become a person, for her to share small things about herself with others. Relationships let her be someone. Sharing thoughts, having conversations, working together, and anything that involves the small human pleasure of company become things she looks forward to.

And little by little, she starts doing things for herself. Like bro runs around Gotham, night into morning, holding onto a rose because its something thats hers and its pretty but she doesn't even know how plants work, but she's got the spirit. (yes ik that the rose is a randomly placed metaphor for cass having a bad work life balance but its so cute)

She starts going outside as a normal person instead of only for missions. She does normal girl things like going to restaurants but kind of not really cause wtf is a balanced diet.

Being able to share something about herself with someone and to sit in a mutual understanding of each other becomes easy. She lets herself be open to change and finds herself looking forward to living.

Wanting something for herself and being her own person is such a foreign concept to how she was raised but she loves it.

She experiments with everything to see what feels right. She starts flirting with boys, going to parties, dressing up in different styles of fashion. She wants to experience everything that girls do

She also learns that being a girl is different from what the other bats experience

Which sucks especially when she can read people's body language. As batgirl, in her scary ass outfit she was only terrifying and strong. But as a normal girl, people sometimes objectify her which has to be the oddest experience when u could kill someone with the blink of an eye.

Even her new father and brother see her differently than she sees them. Theres a weird social thing that comes with "girlness" that she doesn't understand, where girl things are supposed to be weak and have to be protected. But logically, shes like, yall gotta be protected from me be so forreal.

She dont gaf. Shes got bigger things to be ashamed about and being a girl is not one of them.

As she experiences the downsides of girlhood, she learns of the social expectations that come along. And instead of playing along blindly, she uses them to mess with ppl (and bruce). Cass understands more than anyone that social expectations and behaviours are just created performances that bring ppl together. So she chooses the ones she likes and completely rejects what she doesn't like.

and in the end she picks girly things like bold lipstick, fancy dresses, fashion, because she loves pretty things not because its whats expected. Social norms are like toys she can play with and put aside when they aren't fun.

Like she'll still get into a bar fight after eating the entire menu cause she can. Anyways ted talk over

[poopystain]

guys lol would you still love me if i posted about why i wish pal from tmvtm got a redemption arc >.< if not Do not click that read more.

oh yes. also. sidenote. ive probably gotten something wrong (or worse yet: TERRIBLY wrong) so like. apologies in advance eahhaha this is just my personal thoughts on pal x(

its established that pal and mark are both extremely close with each other and have been for 3 years. im assuming pal wouldnt have had any other relationships as close (if any at all which i think no, she didnt) so mark really was her only footnote for any form of relationship. so, you know, i cant imagine how itd feel for your only best friend to make a mockery out of you on stage for advertisement and monetary gain.

also based on her body (face?) language during nearly all of that scene + the fact he built the replacement by using HER, she was clearly in the know about how things would go down on stage beforehand so i wonder what her reaction to that wouldve been like ?????? considering she planned it all in advance maybe that was like, the tipping point or something that made her start it all in the first place ? thats not important to my point i just think about it a lot

anyway so with her only experience with human relationships being theyll love you and then theyll (quite literally) throw you away, youve got her reason for the human uprising! she has the robots capture all humans yadda yadda and her plan is set into motion. something i find interesting though is her treatment of the robots being kind of similar to how mark treated her (or at least how she percieved it)?? like. uses them for orders and then once they start being useless to her, build a new better robot with a disregard for how the old ones feel. idk. something something La Cycle

the thing is though no one has proven pal wrong on why she SHOULDNT do the whole 'human uprising'. you can say katie gave her reasons but i think it wouldnt have worked even if pal listened to what katie had to say. for pal to get over her existing grief and trauma she cant just be Told that theres good in the world. why would she believe that, especially coming from the girl of the family she projects her experiences onto?? she needs to be shown!! she needs to learn firsthand that theres good relationships out there and that not all relationships are bad, NOT SECONDHAND!!!!!!!!!! because to pal, katies words are just a rephrased version of marks "power of love". that no matter what, "they can get through anything...... with the power of love. its worth it....... for love." and that means nothing to her! it meant nothing coming from mark and it certainly wont mean any more coming from katie

and she already believes that the mitchells are a great example of how relationships are just oh so bad. she refuses to let go of the idea that the mitchells are so bad because shes projecting!! she thinks relationships are 'pesky and only hold you back', and so katie is probably the last person on earth that pal would want to listen to yap about their familial relationship and how Worth It it is

she asks "what is it about the mitchells that eludes me?" and outside of the literal meaning, its probably how despite their shortcomings its their relationship that helped them overcome pal in the end. and she cant understand that because of her view on relationships - especially her view on the MITCHELL FAMILY relationship. or maybe im just overthinking that line of dialogue but we dont talk about taht LOLLLLLLL,LLLLLL,,, but like why did you phrase it like that girl. im onto you

and while i wish she was redeemed (because im sure despite the effort it would take she *could* be redeemed, she would just need to learn to love again and i think it would be really interesting to see how she would be After The Betrayal) i also can understand why the movie killed her off. like, no one except mark really knows the Full Extent of what happened, and the mitchells are the main characters and pal would probably rather dip herself in water than make meaningful relationships with the mitchells, and no ones going to stop to ask her whats wrong and have a meaningful conversation when shes trying to kill them, among many many other reasons so theres not a lot of great ways to redeem her. but! like! why did they turn her death into a joke. and then take katies fake death 10 times more seriously! idk. that always kind of bothered me but its whatever

thats all. hope its coherent because ive never been good at writing analysises or whatever this counts as

[scarianheadcanons]

HEAR ME OUT HERE PLEASE, OKAY

So you know how Gri doesn't have a mouth on his MC character - I picture him as mute, he physically can't speak (altercations with the watchers made that a permanent feature of his) and when Scar was first met with Grian he spent a consecutive day and night trying to learn sign language - it wasn't perfect but the thought wasn't lost on Grian and he was enamoured by the man who had so quickly adjusted to his way.

Even now in Season X when they're dating Gri loves correcting slightly off sign language, or teaching him something new and his heart melts even now.

~ 🦅

AWWWWWW thats adorable i literally love that

i feel like scar would totally learn asl instead of bsl (the one grian uses) however and would have to learn stuff all over again 😭 but grians happy to help him that time <3

[mins-fins]

new years day !

"what do you know about love?" "it can bruise, like a punch.."

synopsis: it's only during the new year that huang renjun learns what love is, and loves comes in the form of a charming, margarita indulging, poetry obsessed man, you. after the clock strikes midnight, you take the once love skeptical man on a journey of discovering feelings, full of polaroids, bottle cleaning, and smudged lipstick. the only real question is, what do you do end up as when new years day is over? is this all going to come to nothing in the end?

pairing: huang renjun x male!reader

genre: modern au, not a uni au they've already graduated from uni 😭, strangers to lovers, they have a fling kinda, new years day..literally, this fic takes place during new years eve and new years day, fluff, light light angst, FAST ASS BURN!!

warnings: swearing, explicit language, sexual jokes, mentions of hookups, implications of sex but no smut, mentions of drinking, mentions of toxic workplace environments, things going from 1 to 100 so soon

word count: 12.6k

notes: one of the strangest pieces of writing i have ever completed.. let me get one thing straight, i 💗 renjun, i miss him and i hope hes doing well and taking care of himself :( this fic took the shortest time to write compared to like orbit of yours or all flights are delayed, literally completed this in less than a week.. thats a new isa record i think 😣 anyway!! i decided to do smth different with this fic, instead of just writing a bunch of scenes the singular scenes alone are all about a good few thousand words long, so it might seem short in terms of scenes cause there are really only eight, but each scene is super long so you'll be praying for it to end!!! is this probably super unrealistic? yes, but it's huang renjun so idc, enjoy :)

AT 11:34 PM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN a spot he didn't want to be. after the many failures he's had on all the previous years on new years eves, he was ready to stay home, with a heavy sweater on, pop a bag of popcorn, and sit down on his couch to rewatch the last season of bridgerton once again. he did not want to go out at all, he was not planning to go out at all. no drinking, no bar dates, no stupid flings that end up with the guy not calling you in the end, just him, alone, at his place, eating a shitload of popcorn and crying as much as possible even if there was nothing to cry about it.

going out and sitting at a bar was not on the list of things he wanted to do this new years eve. it reminds him too much of past flings which didn't really end well.. god all of those guys who acted like they were sooooo into him just to drop him the moment he wanted anything other than sex.

he wants to snap all of their necks right now.

renjun was not preparing to go out today, yeah it's new years eve and shit but he doesn't care, he doesn't want to drink.

but lee donghyuck, fucking lee donghyuck just had to stick his head in and beg for renjun to go out with the rest of them. his coworkers don't really annoy him, he just wishes they would stop nagging him. all huang renjun wanted to do on his new years eve was sit down and spend his day at home, watching stupid shows about love, love he knows he'll never get to experience because all the men he attracts are assholes who'd rather die before committing to anything.

and yeah, maybe renjun is being harsh, but the world has been so harsh on him already, he deserves to be harsh, the world deserves it!

so when donghyuck showed up to his place with the offering of him to go out with the rest of the group, he was quick to decline because he knew it was going to end up the same way it always did. he'd wake up having had yet another drunken one night stand and the guy would become nothing but a memory until the next new year when he did it all over again.

"but why not!? drinking can help you forget about that asshole jin—"

"don't mention his name" renjun scolded earlier that day, a steady glare in his eyes pointed at the younger. he heard the sigh of defeat escape donghyuck's lips, but he doesn't care, he turns back around to finish washing the dishes he'd left in the sink before. "and no, drinking isn't going to solve that problem, it'll make it worse".

"but you can't be alone on new year's eve!"

renjun turned back to the yelling lee, a deadpanned expression on his face. "yes i can, i literally will".

"ugh! you're so boring! jeno help me plead my case here!"

renjun just rolled his eyes, trying his best to ignore the insult from his 'friend'. it wasn't often that they decided to crowd up in his place, but because of the new year coming up, and his lack of interest in doing their little new years tradition, they all banded together to try and convince him to go out and drink.

"maybe going out will help you forget about your mess of an ex boyfriend".

"it never helps".

"maybe you should stop trying to get into some guys pants every time, then" jaemin judged out loud, and the older snapped his head towards him to glare once again, offended by that idea. "what? don't look at me like that, it's true!"

"it is not! you're acting like i'm some sort of sex obsessed freak!"

"well only on new years—"

"i have a knife here, do you want me to kill your right now?" he threatened, pointing the knife littered with soap at donghyuck, who shrieked and quickly hid behind jeno. he scoffed, dropping the sharp blade into the sink and drying off his hands. "i'm not going out drinking with you guys".

"so what? you're just going to sit around and do nothing?"

"that is the plan" the huang clicked his tongue, and a groan sounded from the rest of his same aged friends, which just resulted in him snickering at their misery. "whine all you want, i don't care".

"come on, renjunie!" jaemin quickly stood up and wrapped his arms around the older, a pout on his face as he stared at him, practically pleading through his eyes. "please! we won't do anything stupid we swear!" he cupped the older's face, squishing his cheeks between his hands.

renjun simply allowed for the action to happen, because jaemin would've continued to whine like a baby if he tried to push him anyway. "it's just today! you don't even have to drink, you can just sit around with us! pleaaseeeeeee?"

"okay okay get off" renjun pushed the younger away from him, lightly caressing his jaw as he tried to recover from his vice grip. "fine, i'll go out if it stops you all from being so annoying".

the gasp from donghyuck and his subsequent yell in victory made renjun roll his eyes again as he quickly dismissed his friends with a waving hand. "stop yelling or i'll change my mind".

jeno quickly nudged donghyuck, who stopped his yelling and just gave a blinding smile. "we'll see you later then, renjunie! chenle will text you the address!"

renjun was not looking forward to this outing they had planned.

so here he is, december 31st, 11:34 pm, sat at a bar as his friends all get up to their own things. when he first did arrive, he thought he'd only be there for a good hour and a half before leaving, but no, it's almost twenty minutes away from midnight and he's still here, sat at the bar, without a drink anywhere near him.

at this point, he's about to order a drink just to make himself less bored.

"excuse me?" he calls out, catching the attention of the bartender in front of him. he gives a small smile, lightly straightening up his seat and sighing. "hi, can i have a kir royale?"

the bartender raises an eyebrow, blinking at the stranger in front of him. "just that?"

"just that" he confirms, smiling when he earns a nod from the stranger before him. "thank you".

"kir royale? you have questionable taste.."

renjun startles when he hears the sound of an unfamiliar voice, while he would've been annoyed if it was one of his friends who decided to keep him company after abandoning him to go on and do stuff with other people, he probably would've preferred them instead of.. well, you.

and that's not in an insulting way, you just make everything so complicated for renjun.

"questionable?" renjun raises an eyebrow, just a little irritated by the words from this stranger who had seemingly come out of nowhere. you blink, snickering lightly as you settle down beside him, you already have a drink of your own, but renjun can't currently focus on that. "what is that supposed to mean?"

"just didn't think it would be someone's first choice.." you mutter, fingers toying with the glass of your cup. "but i can't judge anyone for they're drink choices, i can't really judge anyone for anything" you giggle to yourself, and renjun catches your smile, a smile he decides is pretty.

renjun allows for a small laugh to escape his own lips, probably the first time he ever laughed that night, it wouldn't be the last time, though. "i just want something to drink, at this point, it doesn't matter if it tastes good or bad anymore, my year has been insanely shitty".

"oh? trying to erase the mistakes of the previous twelve months with drinking?"

"you could say that" renjun replies, smiling softly at you then turning back to the bartender in front of him, he let out another small 'thank you' and slid the drink over to him smoothly. "i just don't want to drink too much" he says, beginning to dig through his wallet to pay for this little drink.

"scared of the hangover?"

"not the hangover, just scared of saying something i'll regret" he chuckles again, finally finding his card and paying for his drink. he again smiles at the bartender and places his card back in his wallet, merely glancing at you.

"hm" you respond, taking another sip of your drink. "that's understandable".

"yeah.." he mumbles, immediately looking away from you as he feels his face redden stupidly quickly. what is he even blushing for? he just met you, there is no reason you should be flustering him, you didn't even do anything. "what's your name?" he's quick to ask, and you hum again as a response, picking at your nails.

"y/n".

renjun finally looks at you as you say your name, you aren't looking at him, checking the time on your phone. he looks you up down, examining everything about you, your clothes are nice, the jewelry your wearing is nice, your hair is nice, everything about you is nice.

your lips are especially nice, he would describe them as beautiful even.

but renjun should not be staring at your lips, or even be thinking about them, he didn't agree to go out just to hook up with another guy, he is not going to do that, it'd be idiotic for him to. yeah you're pretty, very pretty, but renjun isn't going to allow for this conversation to escalate into something.. else, he's not going to surrender his pride because of a pretty guy he met at a bar.

"and you?"

renjun's face only burns more when he realizes he's been silent all this time, just marking each of your features in his head, he probably looked so stupid, just staring at you speechless. "oh! me? me! yeah uh— renjun".

"renjun" you snap your fingers as you say his name. "ren-jun, pretty, i like it".

"pretty?"

"yeah, a pretty name for a pretty guy".

renjun immediately wants to rebut with a snappy response, but he gets much more flustered than he wants to admit, because he instead begins trying to sputter out a response with his face now reddening excessively. "i— flirting with me on new year's eve, really?"

"not flirting, just telling you what i observed".

"so you think i'm pretty?"

"i'd be lying if i said i didn't" you reply smoothly, a grin tugging at your lips as you take another sip of your almost finished drink. "is it such a surprise that i think so?"

"well.. no, but it's just, i don't know, i don't want to do something i'll regret".

you raise an eyebrow, clearly puzzled by the seemingly cryptic words. "what does that mean?"

renjun lets out a small sigh, he can't believe he's going to say this, especially to you, a pretty stranger he met at a bar on new year's eve. "i can't start a new thing with another guy on new year's eve because it never ends up well, i should've learned my lesson by now".

you blink, staring at renjun for much longer than he thinks he could ever handle. you're silent for a while, processing his words and tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him. "ah, so all of your new year's eve hookups end terribly?"

"not just my new year's eve hookups, all of my attempts at love have ended terribly, can't believe love is advertised as something so desirable but every single time i try, i fail!"

"that has to do more with the people you entangle yourself with, not love itself".

"love is stupid" renjun's teeth drag against each other as he says those words, harsh words, yes, but he deserves to be harsh, the world deserves his wrath because the only thing that's ever been given to him is heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak! you let out a small chuckle at the sight of his gritted teeth, the words amuse you.

"is it? or have you just had horrible experiences with it?"

"okay mr love expert" renjun is quick to rebut, and the statement is enough to get yet another laugh out of you. "what do you know about love?"

you pause for a moment as you think about the words he suddenly spits, the question makes you smile, that pretty smile that renjun loves so much, he wants to punch you in the face for being so pretty.

"it can bruise, like a punch.." your quick to answer, fiddling with your shirt collar. "but it's not all bad, love can be beautiful, entrancing, when you do find someone who really loves you, it can be a magical experience, a whirlwind of joy you never knew you could feel for another human being".

"are you into all that poetic bullshit?"

"i guess you could say that".

renjun giggles, a small shake of his head accompanying the sound which escapes his lips. he won't lie, you're very funny, hilarious even. at least he has you as company on this terrible new year's eve, even with your stupid talks of love, he enjoys having you around. "are you going to try to redeem love for me?"

the words are much more flirtatious than he intends for them to be, but it seems you don't notice, because you just smile at his words. "i can't change something you don't want me to, i can only inform you on how i feel about the topic".

renjun opens his mouth to say something in return, but he doesn't really know how to respond to that. god, how have you managed to leave him so speechless even though this is your first encounter? he's about to collapse onto the floor with how surprised he is.

but somehow, renjun stands his ground, literally. "your pretty well spoken for someone so.. you".

"someone so me?"

"yeah" renjun clears his throat. "you remind me of a friend of mine, you probably have so many people falling at your feet without you even having to do anything".

"you make me sound much more interesting than i actually am" you finally finish your drink, your cheeks are dusted red, and you fiddle with the glass in your hands, tracing each of the cuts carved into it. renjun has no idea why he focuses on your hands, but he does, he intently watches as your fingers move skillfully, and his ears begin burning at just the fact that he's staring at your fingers.

oh you've hit a whole new low, huang renjun.

"so you're not some cool playboy who has seven boyfriends?"

"do i strike you as a whore?"

that made renjun laugh even harder, and he had to cover his mouth with his hand. "you're so.. abrupt".

"i like to think that's one of my best traits" you respond, clasping your hands together before focusing your full attention on renjun, attention which immediately makes all of renjun's senses heighten. "so, any interesting new year's resolutions?"

renjun groans at the question, playfully rolling his eyes. "i have to stop making mistakes when it comes to the men i choose to love".

you hum, finger beginning to circle around a small spot atop the counter. renjun has to use pretty much all of his inner power to prevent his eyes from falling down towards your fingers and staring at them. he really has no idea why he's resisting these very needy urges, he doesn't want to seem easy to you, he doesn't want to seem easy to anyone.

but there's something about you, something that makes him want to stay instead of leave, this is something different, not like the other encounters he's had with cute guys at bars on new year's eve. "and what about you? what is your resolution?"

"probably to quit my shitty job".

renjun snorts, finding the statement amusing. "that's a good one, much better than mine".

"i would disagree, yours seems full of much more ambition".

"well i do pride myself on my ambitious spirit" renjun hums, unabashedly checking you out right in front of you, maybe it's the one drink getting to his head, but he's no longer ashamed anymore, he's doing it in broad daylight. "i think you're pretty too".

renjun has no idea where those words came from, but they definitely have an impact, because a small red hue settles on your cheeks, and renjun smiles in victory, he flustered you, he's so proud of himself for that. "oh really? you think i'm pretty, renjun?"

you lean closer to him as you say those words, allowing for your breath to fan against his face, and getting a close up few of his striking features. your eyes cast down towards his lips, but you quickly look back up to make eye contact, not wanting to distract yourself.

renjun, on the other hand, finds himself frozen in place. you're close, you're so close, and renjun can see each of the pores on your face. he can't move, so he doesn't move, he allows for his eyes to drag around your face and mark each of your very features.

"yeah" he responds, voice frail and barely above a whisper. "arguably the prettiest guy i've ever met at a bar on new year's eve" his response gets a small smile out of you, and you click your tongue as you merely glance away.

"rich of you to say, you're probably the prettiest guy i've ever met point blank".

"don't try to one up me".

you raise an eyebrow, that annoying smile still on your lips. "i just did".

renjun just bites his bottom lip, he can't help but stare directly at yours.

he is unashamed.

AT 11:57 PM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN an unfamiliar spot, but a familiar situation. his hands tangled in your hair, your fingers caressing his waist under his shirt, nothing against your back but the steel of your sink and the feeling of his lips on yours, renjun found himself amused by his current circumstances. what did he say again earlier? right, he wasn't going out to end up in the same place he always did on new year's eve, but here is, history truly has a way of repeating itself. renjun doesn't care if he comes off as desperate, it felt horrible trying to contain himself out there, he can't believe he actually did end up surrendering his pride to you, the pretty guy he met at a bar.

well, that's not exactly it.

having the sudden need for air, you pull away, chuckling at the way renjun doesn't really move away from you, his fingers in your hair settle for a moment, and they begin gently running through it, as if he's trying to coax you into a slumber or something. "is this how you spend your new year's eve? making out with a guy in a bar bathroom?"

renjun scoffs, registering your red face, he wants to laugh, but his is probably not better off, so he stops himself. "did you want to make out outside?"

"i think you wanted to make out outside, did you think you were slick?"

renjun frowns, it's not a serious frown, it's a playful one, and shoves your shoulder lightly. "i should've never kissed you.."

"aww" you pout, over exaggerating your expression to amuse the man in front of you. it seems to work, because renjun snorts at the way you're looking at him. he simply tightens his hold in your hair and pulls you closer to press your lips against his once more, making you squeak lightly in surprise.

"you're so annoying.." he whispers against your lips, he wants to act on his hearts desire, but instead refrains from kissing you once again, though your lips do look tempting, he already did it enough in the span of a few minutes. "you're lucky your cute".

"thank you" you hum happily, a pretty grin tugging on your lips as you stare at him. "you're cuter, though".

that results in a tch from renjun. "corny".

"cornier".

renjun snickers, preparing a new rebuttal as he continues running his fingers through your hair. you decide you like the feeling, so you don't tell him to let go of your hair, just allow for his fingers to relax and cart through your it. "can't believe i ended up here with you.." he mutters under his breath, and you simply smile as you pretend you didn't hear that.

unconsciously, your fingers again disappear under his shirt to caress his waist. renjun settles into the touch, your full hand isn't exactly wrapped around his waist, but you still manage to cover most of it, even if what your doing is just feeling his skin with the touch of your cold fingers. "where else would you want to be, right now?"

"at home, in my bed, under a mountain of blankets".

you tilt your head, staring at him. you find it funny how casual everything between the two of you seems after having a nonstop make out session where he quite literally pressed you against the sink, his duality is simply admirable. "i can't say that doesn't seem completely alluring right now".

renjun lets a smile come to his face, but a whole new realization suddenly dawns on him. it is new year's eve, the countdown should be starting soon. "what time is it?" he asks you, words rushed and simply spat out in a moment of clear confusion.

you glance down at your watch, narrowing your eyes at the numbers presented on the miniature clock. "a minute till midnight, not sure about how many seconds are left though".

renjun opens his mouth to ask another question, but is quickly cut off by the sound of someone outside shouting about the ten second countdown to new year's day. he looks at you again, and a smile comes to your face. "guess we won't be counting down with the crowd".

you now fully wrap your arms around his waist, easily pulling him closer to you as you hear the crowd of people outside begin counting down. ten, nine, eight; "don't you find this fun, though? spending new year's with a pretty bar boy?"

then seven, then six, renjun can't really focus properly on anything. "eh, it could be better".

he drops his hand from your hair and starts down with his index finger, stopping at your shirt collar that he quickly begins to fiddle with. five; the numbers are practically burning into his head at this point.

you seem to notice him thinking, and you nudge him, squeezing his waist gently. "hey" you call out, a small whisper, you remove one of your hands from his waist to lift his chin with your index finger, making eye contact with you. "don't think so much, just be in the moment".

four, three, two.

renjun allows for a sigh to escape his lips, trying his best to push all of his anxieties away as he looks up at you. he, again, tilts his head and leans closer to you. just at the last shout of one, he barely whispers it, seemingly just a lingering breath on your lips. "happy new year".

and again, renjun initiates the kiss between you two. if anyone saw him right now, they'd think he was dying with how urgent he seemed. it was like he'd die if you didn't put your lips on his, kissing you like a man on death row. he kept himself pressed against you, as if the idea of not feeling every single part of you was unfathomable.

you weren't much better off, though not the one initiating the kiss, you slowly take over the control, transforming it into less of a heated moment and more of a soft one, nothing but a few press of the lips, less rushed and more thought out. your fingers continue to caress his waist, ignoring the growing butterflies in your stomach.

surely this can't be anything serious, this is just a random guy your making out with in a bar bathroom on new year's eve. why would it ever be serious?

you refrain yourself from thinking too much about it.

when renjun finally pulls away, catching his breath in the process, his eyes immediately look down onto the floor, avoiding eye contact with you like you would turn him into stone if he even looked you in the eye. "sorry, i.. i don't know why i did all that".

you chuckle lightly, just smiling at him. "it's fine, i mean— you do know how to handle things your passionate about".

renjun laughs at the joke, still not looking at you. you want to take his jaw in your hands and move him to look at you, to make eye contact with you, but you stop yourself from doing that, the last thing you want to do is make him uncomfortable because you want him to look at you. "happy new year, renjun".

the soft spoken statement makes renjun finally turn to look at you. he has no idea why, but his face heats up upon seeing the small smile painted on your features, your smile is very pretty, he can't stress that enough today.

he doesn't stop himself from moving up his hand and touching your cheek, beginning to caress your soft skin with his thumb. this is strangely intimate, much more intimate than he usually gets with guys he meets at bars on new year's eve, what's with you that's so different? what is it about you that has his stomach flipping in strange ways?

"happy new year, y/n" he finally answers, sharing the same soft smile with you that you shared with him. it's a strange moment, the air isn't thick, it's not suffocating you two, everything feels..just right.

his lipstick has probably gone to shit by now, all smudged and messed up, he can see the marks on your neck, marks that make his stomach squirm in ways he can't explain. he doesn't really know if he wants all of this to end right now, and as his eyes zero in on your lips again, he blurts one of the first things he can think of.

"i don't— i mean.. come home with me?"

the question makes you blink, and even renjun seems confused by the words. why did i ask that? why the fuck did i ask that? he's literally about to die from the second hand embarrassment he feels.

"are you sure you want that?"

"we don't have to do anything!" he immediately shouts defensively, face so red he might collapse from the excessive heat of his cheeks. "we could just talk and stuff, i don't know, i just want your company i guess.."

renjun doesn't look at you as he mutters those words, again way too embarrassed to look you in the eye. how did you even manage to get him like this? he doesn't think he's ever been this flustered by a guy he just met ever.

it's so embarrassing.

"well i can't disagree with such an offer, can i?"

renjun attempts his best unbothered scoff, but he is already so bothered by you, if his red face is anything to go by. "shut up before i change my mind".

and all you do is chuckle.

AT 12:10 AM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF ON a walk down the sidewalk with his hands laced together with yours. the streets are much more crowded on this day, and at this time, that's a rare sight. he can see all the people giggling, drunkenly making their way across the streets and down the sidewalks, friends helping other friends support themselves, girls walking while carrying their heels because their feet have begun to cramp, strangers giggling and going on with their lives. renjun allows for himself to observe everyone doing their own thing, stars in the sky shining brightly above him, but even with his focus on the other people around, his attention quickly floats back to you, and he notices that you're too lost in your own world of observation.

though he asked you to come home with him, renjun didn't really think the whole thing through, it was a weirdly impulsive decision that he would usually always overthink before making, but with you.. you just have this unsaid affect on renjun he can't explain, you have this ability to turn his brain into mush.

of course, he couldn't just go home with you without telling his friends he was going home. donghyuck was already passed out by that point, so renjun was spared from his teasing, but that didn't mean jaemin and chenle went easy on him, with their raising eyebrows and tormenting tones of voice.

you charmed those two immediately, impressing them by doing literally anything. they both exchanged enticed glances as they sent renjun a few frivolous looks, looks that he chose to respond with glares as he tried to ignore his quickly reddening face. jaemin made sure to take extra time shaking your hand (a handshake which renjun laser focused on), even squeezing it for extra measure.

so renjun was sort of right, you do easily have people falling at your feet.

renjun pretended to not notice the way you clearly enchanted the two, and he also pretended not to notice the snicker you let out as he quickly dragged you away from his friends, midway through one of his jaemin's pick up lines.

no he wasn't jealous, and even if he was, he was not going to admit that to anyone, not even to any of his friends (the little 'lucky' text he got from chenle was funny, though, he'd admit that).

"the stars are beautiful tonight".

renjun snaps out of his whirlwind of thoughts as he hears the small mutter from you. the two of you are still holding hands, when did you even begin holding hands? renjun has no idea, but for some reasons, it feels right, like your fingers slip together so perfectly, just your hand in his is the perfect feeling, like it was the missing piece of a puzzle.

you're staring up at the sky, eyes practically lit up in interest as you stared at the luminous balls of gas in the night sky. renjun lets out a small laugh at how engrossed you are in the stars shining in the sky, and you notice that small laugh, because you finally stop your stargazing to look over at renjun. "what's so funny?"

"you just look so into the stars" he replies, a small smile coming to his face as he looks into your eyes. "your fascination is admirable" he whispers, saying the words in a low voice like it's a secret he wants to keep only between you two.

you blink, staring at renjun as if you were in love with him or something, a look that makes him feel much more giddy than he'd like to admit. then, though you're clearly flustered, you clear your throat and try your best to not make your red face obvious. "really? i think my interest in stars is nerdy".

"nerdy?"

"that's what everyone else says".

renjun lets his face fall in just the slightest, the words upsetting him lightly. still, he doesn't say anything about it, instead answering something else you mentioned. "your interest in stars is cute, i like seeing people so passionate about things".

you raise an eyebrow, only focusing on one specific word in that sentence. "cute?"

"it was the first word to come to mind".

"hm" you swing your hands back and forth, scooting closer to renjun as you do so.

you're close, you're so close, renjun is unsure of how he's even able to continue breathing with the way your shoulders brush against each other, he squeezes your laced hands, trying to brush off any other thoughts he might be having at the moment. "is stargazing a hobby of yours?"

"it's only really a hobby i do on certain nights, nights when i know certain constellations can be soon, or a shooting star is happening".

"ah" renjun loves that response much more than he can express with words. "you always talk about your hobbies as if you're in love with them".

"well it's just how i get when i'm very into something, i can't really just express things normally when it comes to shit like that".

renjun lets out a laugh at the words, catching view of his tall apartment building and tightening his grip on your hand, making you squeak in surprise as he jolts you forward with a hard tug of your hand. you could easily overpower him, make his life harder by refusing to be dragged, but you allow him to drag you forward towards the doors of his building.

"jeez, don't yank my arm off, huang" you chastise playfully, using his surname to aggravate him, but he only shoots a small glare at you. "what's the rush?" you inquire, frowning lightly as his hand slips from yours, you settle beside him in the elevator, watching him as he presses the five button with his finger.

"there is no rush" he lies, a clear, bold faced lie. he does nothing but smile at you, anxiously swaying back and forth as he stares at the elevator going up one by one. "don't give me that look".

you chuckle at his sudden scolding. "what look?"

"the look where you start reading my inner most thoughts" renjun states, as if he was sure of the kind of look you were giving him. when he sees the puzzled look in your eyes, he sighs. "it's a look i've gotten from many of my friends, feels like you're seeing through my head and know what i'm thinking".

you smile at his explanation, finding the words to be humorous. "well you do think so expressively, i feel like i can hear your thoughts running".

"should i be worried about how you described that?"

"definitely not, what are you thinking so hard about?"

renjun pauses at the question, the dinging of the elevator at floor two, doors opening to welcome in two drunk college students, two drunk college students who press the floor eight button and move to a corner of the elevator to keep themselves wrapped in each other's arms. renjun blinks at the sight of them, unconsciously moving closer to you, bumping into you in the process.

you move your hand down to intertwine your fingers with his, an action that renjun questions, but doesn't rebel against. the students are much too interested in their own conversation to care about you two, so you nudge renjun, who finally looks back at you. "answer my question, what were you thinking so hard about?"

the volume of your voice is much lower, you probably don't want to disturb the also muttering students in the elevator, but it's also because you don't want to expose renjun's answer to these two strangers he probably doesn't want to share his thoughts with. "it's a secret" he responds with a small whisper, leaning closer to you as says those words, the words a whisper against your ear.

his sudden closeness is enough to fluster you.

seemingly glad that he caused your newly reddened face, renjun leans away from your ear and smiles happily, swinging your laced hands back and forth. if you think about it, the two of you kind of look like a couple, the thought is enough to amuse you, because you really just are strangers who enjoy kissing each other, you didn't even know each other two hours ago, and now he's bringing you home with him.

if this is the story you think it is, the ending seems pretty clear.

it seems that the time flies by, because you look up at the counting numbers and the elevator dings, floor five. you barely have time to react before renjun's grip on your hand tightens, and he drags you by your hand once again, this time out of the elevator and towards his unit.

you swear you hear those drunk college kids giggle at the sight of you two.

"this place is nice" you comment absentmindedly, reading off each of the numbers placed on each of the other doors. "better than anything i could afford on my own, what do you do for work?"

"i work for a graphic design company".

"what's your position? do you run the place or something?"

renjun snickers at your surprise, finally stopping the two of you in front of a door which reads the number 'fifteen'. he begins digging through his pocket for his house key, though acknowledging your question as he does so. "i'm just good at my job i guess.. pay has always been good for me".

after finding his key, renjun attempts to open the door, but he struggles a few times to put his key in the key slot, an annoyed groan escaping his lips as he turns his key over again.

you chuckle at his little battle, catching his scrunched nose and furrowed eyebrows. "need some help there?"

renjun sends you a quick glare. "haha, very funny" he says, looking back to his front door and finally, after what seemed like forever, he unlocked the door of his home, gesturing with his head for you to come in.

you blink at him, but as you watch him step forward, you also step forward, letting yourself into his space. you pause as you begin looking around the expanse of an area. it's a nice place, yeah it lives up to the pristine outside of the apartment building, save for a few empty bottles littering the floor. the place is cozy, the air in the room is comforting to you, it isn't thick or anything.

you feel comfortable here.

"you gonna stand there forever?"

you laugh at renjun's inquiry, continuing to look around his complex, picking up on the many art pieces pinned against the wall. "what else am i supposed to do?" you ask back, allowing for renjun's home decor to catch your attention, it's all strangely him, they all describe his personality so well.

"come with me".

"is that an order? or.." you get an answer to that question when you turn to renjun and he stares at you with that pointed look, so you know better than to question his words, and like a lost puppy, you follow behind him to his room.

renjun doesn't say anything more, just takes off his jacket and falls face first onto his bed. you sort of just stand there awkwardly, fidgeting with the zipper on your jacket. renjun turns over, eyes staring up at the ceiling, they then flick over to you, a soft look in them dedicated towards you.

you simply blink at him, chuckling at the display before you. renjun doesn't speak, just gestures you over with his index finger. when you step closer, you simply sigh and sit down on his soft mattress, you were about to fall back and go to sleep yourself, but you stop from doing such things. "what's up with you?"

renjun sighs, and that sigh quickly forms into a soft whine. "i'm so tired y/n" his head rests against his pillow, and his eyes begin drooping shut slowly.

you smile, he's so cute. "then sleep".

renjun seems to want to comply with that, but he thinks about it before answering. "are you still gonna be here when i wake up?"

the question baffles you, it's a question asked with pure exhaustion in his voice, a look in his eye that's so tempting you just want to dive in to kiss him at this very moment, but you stop yourself from acting on such desires, trying to seem not as desperate as you felt. you shrug at the question, which makes renjun frown. "it depends on if you want me here when you wake up".

"if i wake up in the next few hours and i don't see you right there beside me, we are going to have serious issues y/n".

his demanding tone and the serious look in his eye is enough to get another chuckle out of you. renjun then makes himself comfortable, patting the pillow beside his. "lay down with me".

"you're so bossy" you laugh, and renjun is too annoyed to punch your shoulder, so he lets out a tiny irritated grunt in response. you let your jacket fall to the floor, laying your head down onto the soft material of the pillow, almost falling asleep right then and there.

renjun reaches out and begins caressing your cheek with his thumb. again, it's strangely intimate, a satisfying touch against your face which begins to relax you. renjun has no idea why he keeps doing this, but you would tell him if you felt uncomfortable, and you aren't, you like the feeling if you say so yourself.

but just as you were about to doze off, getting coaxed to sleep by the smooth ministrations on your cheek, renjun asks one last question.

"you sure you're still gonna be here when i wake up?"

through your sleepy haze, you nod and let out a tiny chuckle, eyes closing against your own will. "i will, promise".

"promise.." renjun mimics, it's not a question, not a statement or anything, he just whispers the word into the air, continuing to stroke your cheek as he stares at you, slowly slipping into a deep sleep.

sleep quickly takes him away as well, but not before he smiles at the sight of your tired face.

AT 8:03 AM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN the same spot he fell asleep, which he very much expected. he only rubs his eyes in the slightest, they take a little too long to adjust to the light permeating through the window, though only a small crack of sunlight, it's enough to make his eyes close once again, taking a few more eye openings for them to adjust to the sight of his surrounding room. when they finally to adjust, he's quick to glance over at the spot beside him, and he smiles as he sees you in the same place he left you. you had kept your promise of still being there when he woke up, and though renjun would probably call himself stupid for this on most days, he stops and stares. he keeps his head laid back comfortably onto his pillow and watches you sleep.

that sounds pretty creepy in hindsight, but at the current moment, renjun feels like he has to stare at your snoring figure. your face is half turned into the pillow your laying on, your cheeks dusted red as they press into the soft fabric of the pillow. he giggles softly as he watches your chest rise and fall, the only sound he can hear being the inhales your taking in and the exhales your letting out.

ah, so you're not a snorer, renjun finds the fact to be surprising. it's not that he expected you to have monster snoring habits or something, but he expected at least some sort of loud noises from you while you slept, but no, you sleep so gently.

you sleep like a baby, and you also look like one in the dimly lit room. sun shining on your face, highlighting your features, your pink lips parted as you let out short breaths, your cheeks a rosy red, he can't help but smile at the sight of you sleeping in front of him.

you look so cute, so serene, renjun wants to pinch your cheek and never let go.

but then he's struck with the realization that he has to wake up, a realization that makes him frown as he lets out a small groan.

the sound emanating from his lips seems to be loud enough that you startle out of your slumber, shifting slightly against the mattress. renjun almost jumps back in surprise when he sees you shift again, rubbing your eyes and letting out a small groan. renjun doesn't take his eyes off you, though, just watches you stretch awake, then close your eyes once again.

after what seems like forever, your eyes open and you blink a few times at the male in front of you. when you stop blinking, you smile at him, as he makes no effort to even try to look away from you. "hi" you greet, taking a deep breath as you sigh against the material of the pillow under your head.

"hi" renjun greets back, unable to resist his giggle as he stares at your tired morning face.

you try your best to tilt your head, humming at his greeting. "were you watching me?" you ask immediately, trying your best to tease him even with the rasp of your voice.

"yeah".

"you creep".

renjun does nothing to confirm or deny the claim, simply hums and gently flicks your forehead, making you let out a wince of pain, a wince he's sure you're faking. "you sleep like a baby".

you furrow your eyebrows, seemingly confused by that statement. "what is that supposed to mean?"

"you sleep so peacefully, like you have no responsibilities in life".

the statement makes you snicker, and you turn more into the pillow to hide your quickly reddening face. renjun giggles again, fulfilling his desire of pinching your cheek, an act of affection that you quickly flinch away from, clearly flustered but instead feigning annoyance.

"that's a stupid way to describe it".

"was just describing what i saw".

"okay then responsible adult, go get up and do responsible adult things".

renjun rolls his eyes, shoving your shoulder and rising from his comfortable blanket, stretching his arms above his head. he slaps your thigh, eliciting a small yelp from you. "come on, let's go".

you seem puzzled by that order. "let's go where?"

"to the bathroom, we have to go brush our teeth".

"we?"

"yes we, get up i have an extra toothbrush for you".

so, again like a lost puppy, you rise from your place on renjun's bed and follow behind him to the bathroom.

you find it laughable how easily you fall under his control.

"do you enjoy ordering me around?"

"i think you enjoy being ordered around" renjun is quick to accuse, an accusation that you just chuckle at, which is all he needs as confirmation. he gets into a familiar spot in front of his mirror, picking up his toothbrush and turning on the sink. "you never question my orders, you always follow me around, do you like that in guys?"

you laugh at the words, clearly amused but clearly not offended. he picks up an extra toothbrush and hands it over to you, having to resist the urge to smile at the sight of your messy hair. "you could say something like that".

renjun scoffs softly. "you're gross" he comments, rolling his eyes as he begins brushing his teeth, staring at you through the reflection of the mirror. renjun focuses less on brushing his teeth and more on how pretty you look, even having just rolled out of bed and hair pretty much messed out of proportion, you still look so beautiful in his eye.

you notice his eyes on you, and seeing as he's currently brushing his teeth, you decide to take your chance. "if you like how i look that much you can just say so".

renjun almost bites down on his toothbrush upon hearing the words. clever asshole, he says in his head, irritated by how you took that opportunity to make a witty comment.

you grin in victory, beginning to brush your teeth just as renjun spits out the toothpaste formerly in his mouth. "you think you're sooo smooth, huh?"

he's annoyed, most definitely flustered, though, if his red cheeks are any indicator, but he's not going to give the satisfaction of flustering him (even though you definitely did). you nod at his question, proud of your flirty little comment.

"you're so annoying".

"and cute right?"

the two of you make eye contact through the mirror reflection again, and you use that opportunity to wink at him while he has his eyes on you, only making renjun scrunch his nose again.

"you're not cute".

"i think you'd disagree, seeing as how you were literally devouring me back in that bathroom".

renjun sends you a glare, immediately flipping you off as he sees you wink again in the reflection of the mirror.

"at least be nice to me".

renjun rolls his eyes so much that he's sure they're going to get stuck in the same spot.

oh you're so good at annoying him.

AT 10:48 AM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN a spot he'd rather not be in. he lets na jaemin get away with things way too often, because there are way too many bottles on the floor and at least half of them were drank by him. still, he can't just leave the mess on the floor, it's not like it'll clean itself up. after eating breakfast, and making sure to insult your favorite cereals, renjun stared at the hefty bottle mess on the floor for what seemed like years. he then rolled his eyes and let out a groan knowing he had to clean it all up. he can't really make an excuse now, so, he starts his picking up the empty bottles off the floor, cursing in his head as he finds himself starting to get annoyed once again.

"renjun! do you see this?"

oh right, you're still here. renjun pauses to look over at you, and he lightly chuckles at what he sees. your standing there (in one of his sweaters by the way holy shit) with a polaroid camera in your hands. it's a camera renjun recognizes, he used to love that thing when he first got it, but he forgot about it after a while. "where'd you find that?"

"in your room".

renjun raises an eyebrow, a grin tugging at his lips. "were you going through my stuff?"

you look baffled by the question, and you quickly stutter through your response. "no! no! i wasn't i was just looking for a sweater because you told me to and i found it in your closet!"

renjun finds it easy to laugh at your display, and the frown on your face is so cute he has to resist the urge to kiss you right then and there. "okay then, what's so interesting about it?"

"well nothing in particular i just really like polaroid cameras!"

you're so.. cute? adorable? precious? all of those adjectives describe you perfectly. you're always so giddy about the things your into, even the hobbies most people would consider "boring" you talk about with such interest, renjun has no idea why he notices you this way, it's never been like this with most of his new years flings. yeah most of them have made it to his home, but it's simply something about you, you make renjun feel a sort of way he never thought he'd feel for a guy he met at a bar on new years eve.

you don't feel like just a fling, you feel like more than that, you sort of feel like home in a way. he would love to go out with you sometime, even if the new years eve bathroom makeout session never happened, he thinks a date with you would be perfect, he can already envision it now.

but wait, why is he doing that? why is he standing here, staring at your pretty face, and thinking about dating you? there's no way he feels anything serious for you, right? it's not like he's in love with you, he can't be! you don't fall in love with someone you've only known for a good eleven hours!

he isn't even sure if he knows what love is, but he knows he can't be in love with you.

renjun snaps out of his thoughts when he hears the click of a camera, he immediately turns to over to you, and he frowns as he sees your fingers on the button of the camera. "y/n".

you blink, catching his frown, any playfulness in your tone immediately disappears. "what? did i do something wrong?"

"why'd you take a picture?"

you again seem baffled by the question, because you let out a small snicker. "you looked very pretty in the moment".

"i don't think that's true".

"it is! you're so photogenic are you kidding me!?"

you stare at the polaroid containing the picture of renjun in your hands, smiling softly at what you see. renjun smiles at the words, feeling his cheeks flare up as you gaze down at the polaroid. "you're so corny".

"and you're still cornier".

renjun snickers, but he doesn't say anymore, turning away from you to focus back on picking up the bottles on the floor. you finally look up, placing the polaroid of him on the counter. "you seem very into that".

you hum, stepping closer to him. "i told you! i really like polaroid cameras!" renjun turns back to you, and he almost falls onto the floor realizing how close you are.

you stare down at the camera, playing with the several buttons. "i don't have a polaroid camera back at my place, but i have a point and shoot camera! maybe i can show it to you sometime".

you smile as you say those words, immediately turning around and going to place the camera on the counter, you miss renjun's reaction to your words. what did you mean by sometime? does that mean you're still going to talk after this? does that mean you're planning to take him to your place at least once? he can't help but overthink the words instantly.

but before he can ask you about it, you gasp. "you've been cleaning on your own the whole time!? let me help you!"

and renjun doesn't exactly know when to bring up his many thoughts, so the two of you begin cleaning the bottles together. you make sure to slip out a few more flirty comments in that time, comments that renjun makes sure to combat with steady glares and muttered curses, even with how red his face becomes.

for some reason, this feels.. right. renjun finds cleaning with you to be fun, he's enjoying even the smallest of moments he can share with you.

it sort of feels like you two are dating.

renjun spends way too much of his time staring at you. staring at you pick up bottles from the floor, staring at you ramble about cereal, staring at you take many more polaroids of him, polaroids you stated you'd "cherish forever".

this is strange, it's strange how he feels. it's strange how you make him feel, he doesn't remember the last time he ever felt this way for any guy, for anyone.

so, as renjun watches you wash the dishes, listening to your ramblings, he wonders if this is what love feels like, if this is what you were talking about back at the bar when you first met. you snicker at something you said in one of your random stories, but you stop as you notice renjun zoning out, clearly not paying attention to you.

"what are you thinking about?" you ask, drying off the plate and placing it back in the rack. renjun again snaps out of his daze, immediately breaking eye contact with you as he feels his face burn. "come on! renjunie~"

your wet finger touches his cheek, making him bite his inner cheek. "just.. something".

"you're not going to tell me about this something?"

renjun shakes his head, uncharacteristically silent. "i don't know if i'm ready to tell you about my stupid thoughts".

you get his words, so you don't press on. "alright, if you ever do want to tell me, you know i'm here".

renjun can only really stare at you, it's then that the realization dawns on him. oh god he likes you, he likes you so much that he might die if he doesn't spit it out instantly.

and when he sees you smile again, he has to use every ounce of energy in his body to not collapse onto the floor.

AT 6:17 PM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN a little bit of a crisis, a crisis that's begun all because of you. he feels his palms begin getting sweaty, and he can't stare at you for too long or he'll literally melt from how heated his face is becoming. it's literally january, it should be so cold that he's frozen, but he's burning every time he stares at you. he feels so embarrassed just saying something to you, and you can clearly tell you're getting to him because your smiles slowly begin to turn into smirks, smirks that burn into his brain and make his thoughts turn into mush in an instant. now he can't really tell you about his thoughts, because he's afraid of spilling his true feelings if he does.

renjun doesn't feel like any of this is intentional, you're not stringing him along just so you can break his heart and never contact him again.. at least, he hopes you're not. renjun feels like he's been through this exact process so many times, but none of the previous times have ever transpired like this before. you have to be an alien of some sorts, renjun has never met someone like you.

he hears his inner voice laughing in his mind, making fun of him for falling so easily into your hands. you do this each time, renjun, you say it's going to be different this coming new year and it never is, how long until you stop falling for these guys who don't care?

a pit forms in his stomach at the thought, and renjun finds himself upset much more easily than he thought he'd be.

love is weird, love has always been weird. it's never been easy for renjun to ever get love, either he got backstabbed by someone he thought he was on good terms with, or they would ghost him because they weren't interested but couldn't say it with their own fucking words.

why does he assume it'll be any different with you?

why does he assume that you're probably just as into him as he is you? what if he's reading everything wrong and you're really only here for one thing? what if you're just playing the long game?

renjun feels like he has no idea what's real or what's not. he can't read you and it makes him much more anxious than anything, he doesn't want to think that you're just like everyone else but considering his luck with love on new years, you probably are.

he feels like he's about to throw up.

"are you really going to quit your job?"

renjun asks that question out of desperation, out of the need for a conversation. your eyes flick over to him, and a smile comes to your face as you register the question. you look so pretty, the lighting in the room accentuates your features. "with the way it's going there? yeah".

"aren't you afraid of not being able to find more work..?" he bites his inner cheek, he has no idea why he asks that, he doesn't have control over your actions, you could quit whenever you want to, what difference would his opinion make.

"no, i have backup plans for that".

renjun didn't really expect that as an answer, but it's a good answer nonetheless, because he finds himself smiling at your words. "what's with your job that's shitty? is it the people? is it your coworkers?"

"that place is making me feel like garbage under someone's shoe, can't do anything without being yelled at or cussed out by a higher up because i'm being slow, customers lay their hands on me and i can't even do anything because the customer is always right!"

your frustrated, genuinely, probably the first ever time he's seen you frustrated since the clock struck twelve. just seeing you so frustrated is enough to weird him out, so he quickly tries to change the subject. "i hope you succeed at your resolution, that place sounds like hell".

"it is hell, the moment i can escape the confines of that place i'll be free, but anyway, what are you going to do to make your resolution come true?"

renjun blinks at you, mind suddenly blank. "what?"

you shift in your place on the other side of the couch, focusing all of your attention on renjun, who is struggling not to melt under your stare. "your resolution was to stop making mistakes with people you love or whatever, how are you going to fulfill that?"

renjun pauses, silence enveloping the room, he doesn't exactly know how to answer that, yeah he said his resolution with confidence, but that might've just been the alcohol that was in his system at that moment. how was he supposed to stop making the same mistake over and over again if he was currently doing it right now? he's sitting here with you, the cute guy he met at a bar on new years eve that he couldn't resist, it's a repetitive cycle that will never end.

renjun feels like an idiot, a hypocrite, how did he manage to fail at his whole resolution on new years day? he can't believe how easily he surrendered himself to you.

but when renjun glances up at you, catching your eyes in the process, he almost wants to fall into your arms and never leave them, he wants to wrap his arms around you and never let go.

"i think that resolution will take a while to reach, love is complicated and all.. i really just need time, i guess".

"time?"

renjun is afraid his voice is going to sound too quiet if he speaks. you stare at him with those eyes again, you stare at him as if you're in love with him, and renjun thinks that's crazy, because why would you ever be in love with him? the idea is a stupid one, he should cast it aside.

"yeah time, time is precious.. love takes time, i think this year, i'll be willing to wait for it".

the words strike you in a way you don't expect, and renjun picks up on it, because you pause for a moment and stare at him for a while. you stare for so long that renjun swears he's going to melt under your gaze, you then smile, your smile so pretty that renjun swears he's going to fall to the floor.

"how long are you willing to wait?"

"as long as it takes".

your about to respond again, but renjun quickly stands up, changing the subject. "do you like coffee ice cream?" he immediately asks, glancing at his fridge as he tries his best to pretend he's unaffected by your pretty eyes staring at him like that.

your eyes light up, clearly entertained by the idea of an ice cream party happening. "yeah, i like all ice cream flavors".

renjun snorts, clearly amused by your response. "weirdo".

you furrow your eyebrows, feigning offense at the words. renjun smiles at the perturbed look on your face, walking over to his fridge to go get the ice cream he had mentioned. "your calling me weird? you're so mean to me".

renjun doesn't listen to your complaints, he snickers at your tone of voice. you frown as you hear him laugh, crossing your arms stubbornly and turning away from him when he comes back with pints of ice cream. "are you mad at me?"

you don't respond.

renjun scoffs playfully, sitting down across from you. he blinks at you, watching you resist the urge to smile. "y/n~"

"shut up i'm trying to ignore you".

"you can't ignore me! or no ice cream!"

you gasp at the words, immediately giving him all of your attention. "hey! you can't do that if you offered it to me!"

"i can! and i will!"

"come on huang renjun!"

renjun only giggles as your complaints skyrocket in volume.

AT 11:34 PM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF ON top of the world. okay, not literally, but he felt like he was at the very moment. you had stayed for much longer than the both of you intended for you to, you kept saying that you would leave whenever, stop making renjun feel uncomfortable (did you really think you were making him feel that way? oh you have no idea), but he continued to deny your claims, he denied it until 11 o'clock rolled around and he found himself back at the time he started, except it was all different now. renjun is on the rooftop of his apartment building, staring up at the sky and the shining stars that create a line of luminosity across the airspace. the only reason renjun is on the roof right now is because you convinced him.

you managed to convinced him so easily, pleading eyes on display and pout enormous.

"renjun?" you asked as you walked into the kitchen, staring outside the open window at the night sky, lightly shivering at the cold air that hit you. "can i ask for a favor?"

renjun turned to you, running a hand through his hair as he stared at you. he's probably do you a million favors, how hasn't he done you one today?

"yeah, ask away".

you paused for a moment, staring at renjun for a what seemed like forever (in renjun's metrics), a seemingly anxious look in your eyes. "are we allowed to go to the rooftop of the building?"

renjun furrowed his eyebrows, puzzled by the question, why would you be curious about that?

"uh.. why?"

you stayed silent for a while, the longest you've ever gone without talking to renjun this day, that's weird, he's used to you running your mouth all the time. your eyes casted to the side, and renjun narrowed his own, noticing your sudden nervousness.

"i wanna go look at the stars.." you muttered, not looking at renjun as you said those words.

renjun let out a small laugh at the realization of what you wanted, but you seemed to think he was making fun of you, because you looked away again, clearly embarrassed by his laughter. "you know what we don't have to just pretend i never asked that i'll go now—"

"no no no! don't take it that way, i think it's cute, i'll go with you".

renjun likes describing your fascination for stars as 'cute', a fact that you made sure to note as you watched him grab his jacket. "what are you waiting for? come on!"

and what do you do when the huang renjun gives you an order? you obey like a mind controlled robot.

so, you allowed for renjun to take your hand (an action that flustered you much more than it should've) and lead you up to roof of his apartment building, the cold january air doing nothing to deter him from his mission, the mission he wanted to complete because of you.

your fingers are still intertwined when you make it up there, but your now less focused on his warm hands and more on the luminous lights in the night sky. your jacket is unzipped, barely protecting you from the freezing temperature of the outside, but the stars are much more appealing to you.

renjun chuckles lightly, feeling you squeeze his hand as another breeze of cold air rushes past you. "you're so into them y/n" he teases, nudging you with his shoulder.

"they're so pretty" you mutter, your eyes practically sparkling with amazement.

renjun watches you for what seems like forever (in his own metrics), distracted by your face. he admires your pure interest, it makes him smile, a smile that you clearly notice, as he catches your glancing eyes.

you then sigh, shivering lightly from the cold air outside. "renjun, i have a question for you".

your tone is much more serious than he expects it to be, and a pit forms in his stomach almost immediately. "you have to answer it with complete honesty though okay?"

renjun almost can't look you in the eye, and you grab both of his hands, facing him as you begin swinging your laced hands back and forth. renjun nods, almost a little too enthusiastically, but he can't exactly worry about that right now.

"do you like me?"

god of course i do, are you stupid?

but renjun bites his tongue, just chuckling and looking to the side. he squeezes your hands, looking back at you with an indescribable expression. "yes".

you look surprised, which surprises renjun himself. "yes? like actually—"

"y/n i don't know what you think has been transpiring today but— i don't know i really do like you, i'm not sure if it's love yet or whatever but i don't want to just let you go, i don't want for this day to end and for us to go back to being strangers again i.. i want to keep you in my life".

you blink, baffled by the words. your face reddens, you hope you can use the cold as an excuse for that. "really?"

renjun lets out a silent laugh, you're so cute. "yes really, was i not obvious?"

"was i not obvious?"

renjun realizes the irony of the situation, and he giggles again, looking down at the floor. "you're so dumb y/n" he pokes your cheek with his index finger. "but yeah, i'd like to go out with you sometime.. like, on a date".

your about to fall to the floor.

"alright, we can start with that.. dates, no labels, no rushing, we can take time with this".

renjun likes the sound of that, and he communicates that thought to you with another squeeze of your hand, smiling prettily at you. "i can get behind that" he leans closer intentionally. "can i still kiss you though?"

you roll your eyes, he's adorable, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, your way of answering his question. "yes, you dummy".

renjun scoffs softly, ignoring how quickly his face is heating up. "you're corny".

"and you're still cornier".

renjun would fight with you on it, but he thinks he'll let you have this win tonight.

RENJUN IS EATING HIS LUNCH WHEN JAEMIN brings it up, he wasn't really listening to his friends converse all this time, distracted by something else, or someone else.. he supposes. his head finally shoots up after a good twenty minutes of him ignoring his friends conversation about if mark could beat jeno in a fight, and he's met with a smug smiling na jaemin, a look he's quick to furrow his eyebrows at. jaemin snickers as he sees renjun's confusion, ready to ask a completely idiotic question. "renjunie? how did you and your little fling turned out?" the question is one jaemin probably should've asked a week ago, but he's asking it now that january is coming to a close? how amusing.

renjun blinks, chuckling immediately at the question. "what do you mean?"

jaemin scowls, slapping his arm lightly. "that cute guy you took home on new years eve! what happened between you two?"

"oh the cute guy?" chenle is quick to inquire as he turns to the older, jaemin nods in response. "yeah him! what was his name again..? y/n?"

"oh right! he was cute! did he let you hit?"

"excuse me?"

"i can't believe i passed out!" donghyuck whines in frustration, earning a small pat on the back from jeno, who was trying his best to stifle his giggles. "i wanted to meet renjun's cute guy" he pouts, sinking into his seat with crossed arms.

"oh he was so cute, hyuck, renjun got lucky with him".

"and funny too! funnier than the asshole from our last new years eve outing!"

renjun simply watches as jaemin and chenle go on to rave about you to donghyuck, who seems impressed even though you aren't even there, he laughs in his head at the fact, you're so charming you don't even have to be present to impress his friends.

"he sounds better than the other guys".

"he is!"

jaemin then turns back to renjun, forgetting about his first mission entirely. "soooo renjunie? how'd it go with your guy? did you sleep with him?"

renjun's face flushes at the question, he is very much embarrassed. he rolls his eyes, face practically on fire. "..yes".

"was he good?"

"don't ask that!"

jaemin yelps at the slap he gets from renjun, pouting as he stares at him. "asshole" he's quick to say, sticking his tongue out at the older, who just rolls his eyes again.

"so what happened after that?"

"what?"

chenle is clearly very invested in this. "did he just leave after that? did you get his number? are you two still in touch?"

"and if you aren't can you give me his socials?"

renjun gives jaemin a side glare, answering the question with almost a minute of silence. he hesitates before saying anything, earning weird looks from his friends. "well.."

"come on! spit it out!"

"don't rush me" renjun grits his teeth, fidgeting with the collar of his shirt as he thinks about you, a small smile coming to his face as he does. "were going on a date later today.."

chenle gasps, jaemin yells, donghyuck slams his hand onto the table, and jeno begins silently clapping. "real shit!?"

"yeah.."

"oh my god!" jaemin squeals, shaking renjun out of pure excitement. "congrats renjunie!"

renjun just lets him at this point, laughing at his energy. "don't get so up, it's not official yet were just going out".

"still! progress is being made!"

renjun can't resist his smile, and he looks down to avoid eye contact with his friends.

"renjun!"

renjun snaps his head towards the voice, seeing the front desk clerk walking up to him with a bouquet of peonies in his hands. "hi, do you need something?"

the clerk smiles, extending the bouquet towards him. "a guy came here and dropped these off, he told me to give them to you".

renjun blinks, slowly taking the bouquet of flowers as he pieces the puzzle together. "thank you" he whispers, staring at the flowers in his hands as his face heats up quickly.

as he examines the bouquet, ignoring the teasing of his friends, he finds a note, a note that he immediately smiles at upon reading.

a little birdie told me these were your favorite flowers? i can see why :) anyway, eat well, i'll see you tonight pretty!!

love, y/n ♡

oh you're so sweet.

jaemin gasps as he reads from the older's shoulder. "i can't believe it! you hit the jackpot with this guy renjunie!" but renjun can't even find it in himself to get mad at jaemin for being nosy, he's too busy trying to not cry at this gesture.

renjun can't believe he has you, he feels so lucky, like the happiest guy in the world.

"why can't i get flowers from a cute guy? when is it my turn?!"

renjun only chuckles at chenle's complaints, much too distracted thinking about you.

[laithraihan]

Would you be comfortable sharing any personal info (age, profession, relationship status, etc...)? Completely understand if you're not but it's always really interesting learning about the lives of ppl I admire. Again, if that's not something you wanna do it's totally understandable! I love your art!!

Ah thank you so much 🫶 and sure I dont mind sharing some stuff but to be very honest Im not an interesting person, so I'm sorry in advance for disappointing you.

So I'm a woman (or something like that) even though I use a male pen name for art, Im 22 years old, 151cm (4'11"), the eldest daughter who has two teenage siblings who are both taller than me and make fun of me for being short. I do not have a profession and I do not go to school due to a disability I will not disclose. Im a lesbian engaged to a butch, we've been together for almost 4 years (our anniversary is in August)

My favorite season is winter because all the bugs are dead and I despise summer because the bugs are alive. Im also really scared of butterflies for some reason. Im scared of winged bugs in general. Ive never seen a cockroach in my life but I'd probably kill myself if I saw one. I really hate bugs. The winters are harsh here but I like walking outside when theres light snow falling at night. Im also a bit obsessed with Christmas lights but I dont celebrate Christmas, I dont follow any religion in general but my family is Muslim so Ive been raised with that. If I could just put Christmas lights in my room all year then I would do that. They look really pretty.

About my ethnicity I think everyone knows Im Algerian already, well Ive only been to Algeria once when I was like 8 years old so I dont really remember anything. All I know is that my uncle would keep telling my dad that I convinced him to stop smoking and that he's eternally grateful for that but I literally cannot remember what I did or said back then so I just pretended I knew what he was talking about. Anyway. Id like to go there again one day. I most likely will go soon in the future so it makes me happy to think about it.

My first language is French and Im somewhat fluent in English but it needs more work. Whenever I speak English I have to think harder about the words that come out of my mouth and I start saying things that dont make sense. But my pronunciation is good so other people just assume Im fluent. Also I understand Derja (Algerian Arabic) when people talk to me out loud but I cant form sentences and respond back so I just answer people in French. I know how to read Arabic script and I understand basic words but again I cant form sentences. As for Japanese I can only read Hiragana and Katakana and a bit of Kanji, and my understanding of the language is worse than Arabic, so I practice by translating Japanese song lyrics, reading news articles and talking with Japanese users online

Honestly I dunno what else to say, I dont really have any special skills or anything like that. Unless you count memorizing all the metro stations in Montreal but thats only because I had to use public transport all the time when I was a kid because my parents never felt like driving me to my appointments. At that point I probably visited every single station because I had to go to many random places. I dont have a drivers license but I prefer walking to places in general even though there are no stores near my neighborhood, but I think it's better for me because I get to walk more. I think I really like the idea of travelling in general but I dont have friends for that, my parents also wouldnt allow me to hang out with friends so it's a bit unfortunate

Oh and lately Ive been enjoying making eggs for some reason, I think Im good at doing that. But I only cook whenever Im hungry and I rarely feel hungry so I dont cook many eggs. I also dont like cleaning dishes so I avoid making huge meals in general. I dont really eat much in the first place but I still like food. I really like going to restaurants too. I just like going outside in general. I like listening to music and talking with people, normal stuff like that. Im running out of things to say so I'll probably just stop there.

[kame11a]

story ideas idk what I'm doing

soooo basically I've had some ideas for some oneshots with our favourite puppet in my mind for a few weeks now. Buuuuuut since I propably won't have the time nor the skill to write them, I will just leave the ideas here.

Feel free to use these ideas if you feel like writing a whole story to them (but tag me because I want to read them >:) )

(also excuse any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language)

After some time had passed, a few more people seeked refuge within the safe (more or less) walls of Hotel Krat. Among them, some children. The reader, a rather young adult themselfes (maybe freshly graduated from school/college before the franzy happened) spend some time with the children, giving them small teaching sessions based on their basic knowledge which they had gathered from school and their notes they still had in their bag. Pinocchio noticed that and at some point listened to their "class", after all he also has got a lot to learn since he is not a human and fights all day long. (Now imagen a whole grown ass man (puppet) sitting with a bunch of children on the ground infront of the reader who uses a small chalkboard (which they found in the library), listening to them explaining the basics of idk fotosynthesis or something like that).

2. This one is simple, just P with a reader who like to bake. Simple. Whenever the puppet returns from a mission, the hotel is filled with a pleasant scent of chocolate, cinnamon or vanilla, while everyone is already munching on some cookies or small pastries (can you imagen how cute Sophia must look while nibbling on a cookie, trying not to get any crumbs onto the carpet? :')). The reader themselfs also smells like chocolate or whatever all the time since they just spend all day preparing food and other stuff for their friends in the hotel (it is their way of thanking everyone for letting them seek refuge there).

bonus: since P propably isn't able to eat, at least not while he is a puppet, the reader keeps a small notebook containing all the food/desserts Pinocchio would like to try once he is able to (kind of like Al from fmab if yk). Until then he eventually helps the reader in the kitchen, even if most of the time he only watches since he has no idea what to do

3. This one is kinda angst/comfort stuff idk. Also kind of a sensitiv topic so if anybody feels offended by this please tell me and I will delete it!!!

Basically the whole events happening in Krat took a great toll on the readers mental health. Sadly, they were the only one from their family/friendgroup who was able to survive the attack, living now in the hotel with other refugees. Nightmares and guilt haunted them day and night as they constantly had to think about these horrific events, giving themselfs the fault for not being able to safe their loved ones. This kind of behaviour caused them to completly loose themselfs, now only being numb to everything, not finding any reasons to do anything. If they could decide, they would just like to stop existing. Thats when your boy appears. Let's say he is in his mid/latestage of becoming a human (yk like with his hair grown out n stuff). Him and the reader knew eachother for quite some time, since the reader was one of the first people to appear in the hotel, somewhat helping him to achieve his goal in becoming more human (like explaining emotions and other human things to him). Pinocchio also draggs them along when he discovers something new. Wether he did it intentionally or not, he helped the reader to fall in love with being alive again with his behaviour of basically acting like a small child who sees the world for the first time. Dancing in the rain while feeling the small raindrops gently touching their skin, watching small insects in the garden together, listening to the soft tunes of the gramophone in the entrance hall, playing with Spring, you name it.

4. This one is for ma boys Romeo and Carlo, so basically before everything happened (or in an AU where they survived and just lived their normal lifes... idk). So my first idea for them was just some tales from their school life, back at the Monad Charity House. You know, basic teenager/young adult stuff; studying together, training together, doing stupid shit in class together, always eating together at the same table in the dining hall, sneaking out together to hang out in the city, and much more.

I guess this would be a perfect crack oneshot/drabble

5. the second idea is a bit more romantic. Idk how I came up with this (I am delusional), but I thought about the reader attending another boarding school in Krat, which holds a close relationshiop to the Monad Charity House, Carlo and Romeo live in. Therefore, there are several events the two school hold together like a sports festival or something like that. Another one of these events are the grand balls which both schools host. It is their intention to a) establish more contacts and relationships among the studends and b) for them to also learn how to dance, eat and behave in a more formal way at social gatherings. So at one of these balls, the reader meets Romeo and Carlo and gets to know them better. Since I think it would be easier to write for only one of them (correct me if I am wrong), one could add the best friend of the reader who then gets to go with the options the reader did not choose (does that make sense?). For example, the reader and Carlo get rather close, shyly asking each other if they would like to dance or go outside to talk more, while the readers best friend does the same with Romeo (very stereotypical, I know). Maybe the Romeo x best friend combination would tease the hell out of Carlo and the reader since I view Romeo as the kind of person, to drob teasing comments here and there while being the biggest flirt himself and Carlo is one of the people, who on the outside also try to be like Romeo, but in reality are a complete mess when it comes to romance and stuff (yet again, only how I imagen them). (Have I already mentioned that I am delusional?)

so yeah these are my ideas which I will just leave here. As I already said, feel free to take them and do your own thing with them ( but I wanna see the result :)))) ). Also feel free to add your own ideas/inspirations to them

also this is my first real post here so go easy on me haha idk what I am doing here but for now I will be your "Fanfiction/oneshot-idea-dealer"

:)

[raptorladylover6969]

VERY passionate rant under the cut

“The Handler has dino DNA‼️” “The Handler is a robot‼️” “The Handler is a Brooklynn clone‼️” GET OUTTTTTTT GET TF OUTTTTTT I AM SO SICK OF THE SAME. GOD DAMN. DOG SHIT THEORIES. IM TIREDDDD OF IT. ITS THE SAME THING EVERY TIMEEEEEEEE AND I HATEEEEE IT. I WANT NEW THEORIES. ONES THAT ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE. ONES THAT ARENT THE SAME FUCKING THEME ALL OVER AGAIN UGHHHHH.

One thing I hate about Jurassic World youtube channels is when it comes to theorizing abt characters, THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO ACTUALLY AND PROPERLY ANALYZE. It’s like they never payed attention in english class 😭 esp when it comes to The Handler, because yes offence, just saying, their “character analysis” videos are absolute shit. I was yapping abt this early with @koi-fish-boy

What I mean is, instead of coming up with new theories, these “theorists” just take already existing theories, slap it into a video, add some other info that is not even considered a character analysis but just info thats RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR FACES. The other worst part is, they never show any evidence to support their theories, they don’t make connections. They just go like “Oh The Handler blah blah creepy lady blah blah whats her deal? Blah oh shes probably part raptor or a clone blah blah blah k like and subscribe” GET OUT- 🗣️🗣️💥💥‼️‼️

I could debunk some of these theories right now even I am feeling THAT petty. “Brooklynn clone?” They don’t have the same facial structure, The Handler is 10x more paler, Brooklynn has a button nose while The Handler’s is straight, and have you taken into consideration that other blue eyed white ppl with freckles exist????? Brooklynn isnt the only white chick that exists 💀 “Dino x human hybrid?” this idea for a plot has been scrapped long ago. And even if she was a dino hybrid, she HAS to retain dino like features, like scales, vertical pupils, dino vocals, sharp teeth. NO, her having big eyes and pale skin DOES NOT = DINOSAUR FEATURES. Theres millions of people with big eyes and who are also sickly pale. “But she doesnt blink!” Yes tf she does I have the timestamps to prove it, she actually blinks A LOT considering the little screentime she has. “Robot??” We see her display humane emotions such as empathy in the final episode (I mean this theory itself has already been scrapped by countless ppl so 😼)

The problem here is that ppl dont reeeeealllllyyyy ANALYZE a character, they just observe the surface, find a couple of things here and there, and call it a day. They don’t use all of their senses when looking into a character, they only document what the naked eye can see. That is NOT what analyzation is about. Character analyzation is about digging DEEPER into the character, putting yourself in their POV, in their shoes, reading their facial expressions, their body language, spending hours playing back the same clips over and over again just to find new info, taking note of the dramatic lighting changes, the ambience, making connections, USING CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS TO UNBOX THE MYSTERYS OF SAID CHARACTER. Cmon guys did we learn nothing from Brooklynn??🤨🤨 like no joke me and @koi-fish-boy spent hours rewatching scenes with The Handler and found a BUNCH OF COOL NEW SHIT THAT NO ONE HASNT EVEN TALKED ABT YET.

People dont also seem to have enough balls to connect neuroscience to their theories, which is strange because incorporating psychology and the human brain, or any kind of science to a character analysis can rlly help with coming up with new theories. Why do you think MatPat’s theories were so good and interesting? It’s because he makes CONNECTIONS. He incorporates math, history, folklore, religion, and science into ALL OF HIS THEORIES. HE PUTS WORK INTO THEM. HE THINKS CRITICALLY.

All theories are valid, even the far-fetched ones, thats the whole point of a theory, its supposed to be crazy, but actually putting in the work to find evidence to support your theory WILL STRENGTHEN IT, and make it 100x more interesting. You can’t just introduce a theory without evidence to back it up, there needs to be at least 1 reason to even consider your theory plausible. Like the clone theory, I’m not entirely against it cuz cloning IS a thing in the JW universe, like that theory makes the most sense cuz its happened before, so why not again? I still think its absolutely crap, but I’ll admit, it makes sense. Why? Cause theres evidence to back it up.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk 🤗

[justaboot]

fine okay HBO human DT would be like

(tw blood, gore, drugs, suicide mention)

Beakley's husband was killed by their daughter, who was a FOWL big bad. Beakley loved her more than anything but, in the end, they couldn't stop her, and she locked her in an uncrackable limbo pocket dimension, took newborn Webby, and told everyone she was dead. Every night, she doesn't think about how she's still in there, alive and rotting. (I hc this regardless)

Gladstone signed away his soul for glitz, luck, and luxury when he was young. He rains gifts and affection down on the kids, decked in the best money can buy and bored by all of it, surrounded by designer drugs and sex and fancy friends and desperately lonely when he's not with the fam.

Pre-series, the boys' father was a traitor who sold them out, nearly to Donald and Scrooge's death. Della goes alone to a standoff in an abandoned plane hangar, fucks him good one last time to get close before beating his head in with a socket wrench.

Goldie told her how.

The kids figure out Gyro's fallen into a brutally accelerating addiction to a stimulant chem of his own design, bc its producing incredible results. Scrooge has been looking the other way. Because results.

Actual Scary Girl Webby in a real way. She wants answers, and has no understanding of taboos. Stares at her first dead body way too long. Asks della too many questions about self-amputation, what it smelled like, if she could feel the difference between muscles and tendons when cutting. Did the ligaments snap back? did the bone splinter? did you see marrow? She just wants to know. The next day she asks bentina if they can get a whole pig to pit-roast and if she can be the one to carve it. Watched Scrooge and Goldie from the vent in his bedroom, looked too long at the line of Goldie's back as she moved and thought about it all night.

We see Beakley actually homeschool them. They have a library thats the school room, and Huey and Webby practice cello in Webby's room. They test themselves on new languages they're learning together by talking through music theory in them while playing.

Huey made Della a teak shower bench. Not HBOcore but its true and you should know it. It replaced the chrome one, and on bad nights, she hands out in there in the steam at 4 in the morning bc the room is bright and warm and the fan is loud and beakley'll be up in an hour which means the house wont be Still and Quiet.

Louie actually gets caught up in the underground crime scene. He slowly builds confidence gets too cocky, and gets in deeper and deeper shit until it goes south. Fast. His tricks dont work, because hes TEN, and Goldie has to pull him out of a human trafficking ring. He doesn't think to ask what she was doing there until much later, and she's already gone.

We see Donald's therapy sessions. He loves the boys more than anything or anyone in the world. He tells his therapist that he hates his sister for what she did to his future. His therapist asks if he hates the children, too, and Donald hesitates. He loves the boys.

Magica has Scrooge for weeks during the Shadow War. Plays out all his failures in shadow puppets on the wall for him. The spear, his parents, his sisters, goldie, everything. she was there in the dime for the whole ten years he was alone, and she plays out all the ugliest things he said and did. Shapeshifts through all the friends he's lost to taunt him, spitting words as young Donald. She shifts into Della, asking in her voice why he'd do that, telling him how painful it was, how it feels to freeze to death, what human lungs sound like when there's no oxygen to breathe. You'd think they'd be quieter, but there's a wet crackle that sounds like a sponge. She tells him how he was going to kill the boys, too, because he's too selfish, but it's not a problem now, because they've left again. They're safe now. But she says it all so kindly. He's exhausted and hes starving and hes half out of his mind, so when he asks what she wants from him and she puts a knife in his hands and tells him to end it, he does. Until the knife turns to smoke, he's unharmed, and it's not della but Magica who's laughing at him. Lena sees the whole thing, and later on, when the kids find out, Scrooge omits details, and the kids laugh at how Magica would ever think Scrooge would go through with it, just give up. He'd never give up. Lena doesn't say anything, and Scrooge doesn't look at her, and he has to cope with believing that'll be the last time he'll ever hear della's voice.

Lena Comes Back WrongTM

anyway you get it. everyone has a really rough duality. feel free to add.

(this post got too long, ask me later about the boys' birth and scrooge's secret s1 curse)