#and then i redo the entire semester | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blissfullsvn · 6 months ago

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between the lines pt. 2

pairing. academic rival!taesan x reader genre. fluff word count. 2.5k warnings. reader is allergic to coffee & shorter than taesan a/n. read pt. 1 before this! but once again, the academic rivals are not academic rivaling here bcs they’re busy being (ironically) stupid 👎 anw, long-awaited pt. 2 is out! feedbacks are vv appreciated <3 pt. 1 | masterlist

taesan is kind of regretting his decision.

when you had reluctantly stood up and rested your weight over him, he was nothing but nervous. it was the first time you had ever been this close to him, your body directly pressing against his, and it took everything in him to not break into a bundle of nerves. or at least, not enough for it to be visible—he would rather redo that hellish test he took last week than make you see him like this.

his determination had proven to be difficult—extremely difficult—when he felt your cheek land on the curve between his neck and shoulder, the warmth of your breaths tickling his skin. he hoped you couldn’t see the goosebumps on his skin, or the way the hair on his nape stood.

that had been the only movement from you since he hoisted you up, and he was already walking out of the building, which took a considerable amount of time from the student council office. judging from how quiet you had been all throughout, he expected silence to blanket him all the way to your dorm as he assumed that you had fallen asleep again.

that was when his words had bounced back to slap him across the face.

the weight on his shoulder lifted, and he felt your gaze from behind him. “han taesan,” you called, breaking the quietness of the street.

“hmm?” he responded gently, and lifted you up to adjust your position.

you had allowed another beat to pass before you opened your mouth, and that was when the dam shattered.

taesan immediately slows down his steps in surprise, and he merely blinks at what he’s hearing. every single word you utter out only makes him more baffled, because what you’re saying should never be said aloud, especially in public. even now, you’re still throwing out the most creative expletives he could’ve gone his entire life without knowing, not to mention the concern you’re starting to instill in him over his own life.

but despite all of this, he can’t take you seriously when your cold has made your voice so nasal that all he can think about is how adorable you sound, on top of the fact that you’ve dropped your head to his shoulder again in the midst of your life-threatening remarks. your cheek is squished against his jacket, making your words come out in a mumble, and he can’t help but be absolutely endeared. even when you’re cursing at him like your rent’s due.

so, yes, he’s aware that maybe what you’re saying isn’t something which warrants a reaction like his, but how can he help himself when you’re even cuter in this state?

hence, even though you’ve cursed him out a total of 81 times within the past five minutes, he’s not offended. if anything, he’s amused, though he is seriously considering the depth of your feelings towards him.

“did you eat the wrong medicine?” you mumble slowly, eyebrows furrowed in genuine concern. “possessed by another entity?” you sniffle. “or shoved a pipe down your throat?—wait,” you pause, sniffling again. “that’s what i want to do... to you… but i’d be concerned if you did it to yourself….” you trail off, as if thinking about the possibility. “i digress. are you insane?”

taesan can’t hide the amusement that escapes in a form of a poorly-hidden chuckle.

“are you laughing?” your tone is accusing. “there’s seriously something wrong with you,” you say, and he spends another few minutes getting told off for everything he’s done wrong to you in your book. he remains silent the entire time, as he has been since you began talking, until he hears something that makes him feel indicted for the first time.

“...and that one time,” you sniffle, “you gave me a cup of coffee back in our first semester… you were trying to murder me, weren’t you?” you huff, but ironically, you’re tightening your arms around his shoulders.

“i genuinely didn’t know you were allergic!” he lets out almost petulantly, feeling incriminated. “if i had known, i would’ve never done that….” he trails off, then adds quietly, “there’s no way i would.”

you raise your head, looking at the empty roads beside the sidewalk as you ponder for a bit before your cheek falls back on his shoulder. “i’ll admit that was a bit of a reach. i won’t apologise though,” you say, and he can only let out an incredulous snicker.

“and i suppose,” you add, “if you had such sinister intentions behind your pretty face, i would’ve been dead by now.”

taesan widens his eyes, slows his steps. the tips of his ears are hot, but he plays it off when he asks teasingly, “you think i’m pretty?”

“of course. i’m not blind,” is your immediate response. you say it so candidly that it catches him off guard, and his plan to fluster you instantly backfires on him. he’s just glad you can’t see his face, because he’s sure he resembles the red light ahead the empty roads.

“oh my god, han taesan.” you suddenly raise your head, looking down at him in disbelief. he panics at your reaction, ready to spew out excuses about why he’s full-on blushing, when he hears what you say next.

“did you offer to carry me home to distract me? to make me think about this moment over and over again and lose sleep over this and mess up my speech during the election so you can end up becoming the president? is this your grand plan?”

taesan has noticed that you become, for lack of better words, a yapper when you’re sick, but he didn’t think that your imagination would go overboard in this state too. nonetheless, he easily pushes the observation away when he deciphers the meaning behind your words and he doesn’t miss the chance to spin the tables around.

“i’m flattered, y/n,” he says, biting back his grin with a blush that’s still visible, but a lot more subdued. “i didn’t know i had this much of an effect on you.”

it seems you’ve finally registered what you just said, as he feels you freeze up behind him, and all he can do is try to suppress the smile that threatens to stretch across his face. he’s slowed down his steps considerably because he knows he’ll arrive at your dorm soon, but you’re already jumping off his back before he can realise.

“have a terrible night,” you say with a painfully straight face and walk off briskly, but halt in your tracks almost immediately.

“you left your bag,” taesan says, hiding his amusement behind his hand as he holds up the backpack he’s been carrying together with you.

you turn and stalk to him, grabbing it wordlessly before taking long strides away from him to disappear from his view.

when you wake up in the morning, it feels just as humiliating as the time you called han taesan when you were drunk (you had ended up cursing at him for fifteen minutes straight, and he somehow hadn’t cut you off once), which had become one of your top miserable moments in life.

no, this is even more humiliating, because at the very least you could use the excuse of intoxication before, but you had been fully sober this time.

it takes a little more effort to get up today, but before long, you’re heading out of your dorm quietly to not wake your roommate. despite being ten minutes later than usual, the student council office is still empty by the time you arrive. you can only be grateful, because the dread that had clawed at your skin as you stood before the door was intense—you really didn’t want to face him.

you find yourself hating the joy you dumbly felt a few moments ago, because the moment you take a seat, the door opens and of course it’s the person you wanted to avoid the most today.

you don’t greet taesan or even spare him a glance as you pull out your laptop and place it on the desk, but you see him inching closer from your peripheral vision. with your eyes lasered on your laptop screen, you pretend to not notice until he’s directly next to you and you have no choice but to address him.

wordlessly, he places a bag next to your laptop and walks to his usual seat on the opposite side of the conference table. your gaze follows him momentarily before you turn back to the bag. you take a peek and immediately raise an eyebrow when you see three different cold medicines, your favorite candies, and a cup of hot green tea—the same one you bought last night.

you look up at taesan, who seems to be darting his gaze everywhere but at you, but the door is already opening again as more members enter the office for the meeting. you keep your eyes on him for a little longer, who’s still adamant on not looking over, until you finally break your gaze when the meeting starts.

after you’re dismissed, you immediately call out for taesan, who looks up like a meerkat at your voice. you ask him to stay in the room for a little longer and pointedly ignore the meaningful looks from your fellow council members, who quickly file out of the room sensibly.

the moment the door shuts behind them, you raise the bag he gave you, shaking it slightly. “are you trying to bribe me?” you interrogate, straight to the point.

taesan only blinks, as if he's trying to process what you just asked, before his lips part and one corner of his lips quirks up in what can only be a scoff of disbelief. “are you serious?” he shakes his head, but not unkindly.

“i mean—” you falter, finally realising how you came off. “thank you,” you say, and the way he instantly brightens up reminds you of a cat at the sight of treats. “but,” you add, and he shrivels. “why?”

he swipes his bottom lip with his tongue and flattens the hair on his nape as he says, “you’re sick.”

“i’m… aware,” you reply, forcing down the recent memories that floated to the top of your head. “i just—” you pause, looking down at the bag in your hands to gather your thoughts before you face him again. “people don’t usually do this for those they hate.”

taesan blinks. once, twice, thrice. the immediate rigidness from him is so noticeable that the air almost turns icy around you. you’ve never had a comfortable one, but the silence that falls over you is suddenly too loaded, too overbearing.

but then his eyes lock onto yours, as if he’s finally seeing you, and the edges of his demeanour instantly melt away. he’s looking at you so softly, reminiscent of his expression in your memories, that it strangely makes you fidgety.

“y/n,” he calls, which suddenly feels too loud in the room with no one else but the two of you. he rounds the table and walks towards where you stand on the opposite side, stopping a few feet away.

you look up at him, and it’s the first time you’re noticing how tall he actually is. like this, him staring down at you with eyes that hold too much, you feel a little… nervous.

though his expression is still construed as bewildered, you can feel his gentleness radiating from every cell, as if he’s holding a flower in his hands he’s afraid to crush. “i don’t hate you,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. “i don’t think i ever could.”

oh. you think, and you can feel the puzzle pieces start to align in your head. “but… you’re always trying to rile me up.” you find yourself furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, the pieces repelling each other again.

he caresses his nape, looking down sheepishly. “i thought… we were having friendly banter,” he says, then looks over at you through his eyelashes. “i’m sorry for upsetting you,” he says, and the sincerity in his tone is so evident that it takes you aback.

“oh.” you think aloud this time, surprised by the unfamiliarity of the man before you. “it’s… okay,” you reply. then, you suddenly realise how dramatic you’ve been, and you feel your cheeks heat up uncontrollably. “i’m… sorry too, for all the times i’ve been rude to you.” you lower your head and shut your eyes, too embarrassed to look at him.

taesan laughs, a hearty sound that surrounds you like a warm blanket. you open your eyes, realising it’s the first time you’ve heard him like this, and look up to capture the moment. he’s laughing toothily, eyes crinkled into half-moons as he hovers one hand over his mouth. as you take in the sight of him in awe, you suddenly realise that this may be what has been beneath your emo rival’s irritating remarks all this time.

when you look back at all the times taesan has interacted with you, you don’t know why you thought he hated you. besides his tendency to, in his words, banter with you in class and the student council, he’s always tolerated your ridiculousness—from that call where he had simply asked if you needed a ride home after listening to your insults, to carrying you on his back all throughout the relatively long walk to your dorm just because you said it in passing.

you furrow your eyebrows. the puzzle pieces are moving closer again.

“taesan,” you call out before you can stop yourself. as of this moment, your mouth has disconnected from your brain as you try to fit the puzzle correctly, so you find yourself spitting out the question without a warning. “do you like me?”

the way he stiffens instantly would be comedic if not for the fact that you had asked a question that could break the truce you just formed. the realisation finally dawns on you, and panic starts to set in as you see his reaction. “you don’t have to answer that, i didn’t mean to—”

“y/n,” taesan cuts you off effectively. for a moment, only silence can be heard between you, and you hope he doesn’t catch your erratic heartbeat from your nervousness.

then, he offers a small smile. “give me a chance to answer this properly next time,” he says extra softly, as if he’s afraid of scaring you away. “for now, just know that, even if you drunk-dial me to yell at me again or curse at me all throughout another piggyback ride,” he softens, “i will never be able to dislike you.”

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aghostnamedcalamity · 7 months ago

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how does Benjamin do in school?

For the most part, Benjamin does very well in school. He’s pretty intelligent and he’s good at it, but he doesn’t enjoy academics the way Mordecai does.

TW UNDER THE CUT: ADDICTION , DRUG USE , DEATH , SUBSTANCE ABUSE

The only time Benjamin performed poorly in school was when he first started college. His mother passed away just before his first semester and he was struggling with a lot of unresolved issues about her absence in his life and then her premature departure just when they were beginning to connect. After getting caught up with the wrong crowd, he began to use various substances that continuously escalated.

He became addicted to opioids, causing his grades to drop exponentially. This is sort of how Mordecai finds out, and afterward tries to interfere but they had a bit of a falling out due to Benjamin not doing well at the time and angrily confronting him about his lack of loving displays and overall just being a rather emotionless individual; feeling Mordecai was no longer in a place to ‘act like he cared now’.

This is a pretty important event in my headcanon that significantly helps shape Benjamin’s and Mordecai’s relationship as Ben becomes an adult. As emotionless as Mord can be, he really did care and still tried to rise to the occasion when things became serious. Benjamin almost overdoses at one point and this is, by far, the moment Mordecai has shown the most emotions towards him in Benji’s entire life.

He survived the ordeal and Mordecai made sure to get him back on his feet. Mordecai does try to be a bit more vocally supportive after this, making their relationship more comfortable in the long run. Benjamin was able to get back into his schooling and ended up doing very well afterward, eventually becoming a doctor at Barnes Hospital.

This picture is super old and from another ask, but it still stands. I might have to redo it at some point though.

#lackadaisy #lackadaisy cats #lackadaisy fanart #lackadaisy oc #boozecats #lackadaisy mordecai #mordecai heller #mordecai lackadaisy #Tw drug use #Tw addiction #tw substance abuse #QnA

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merakiui · 2 years ago

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Hi hi ~

What are your thoughts on professor/TA twst characters x college student reader ??? I literally cannot stop thinking about Prof ashengrotto who just adores the sweet and diligent student who sits in the front of the class, always participating, always turns in assignments on time... Prof ashengrotto who grades your papers mercilessly knowing you'll barge into his office biting back tears because who's grade is this?? Certainly not yours?? What if you lose your scholarship?? Whoever is going to help you???

p p pp p p pppp professor.........ashengrotto..........

(cw: yandere, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, one-sided student-professor relationship, age gap (azul is 38 & reader is 23), coercion, abuse of power/authority, implied dub-con)

He's ruthless with every paper he grades, but he's especially ruthless with you. Professor Ashengrotto has a reputation in his department: socially, he's handsome and young (a mere thirty-eight, and he's just as bright, if not brighter, than some of the older professors). Academically, he's brilliant and very knowledgeable when it comes to business and the economy (and interestingly enough he has a penchant for marine biology as well), but he pushes students to do their very best. And to some that may seem like he's too hard or difficult, but he's actually very understanding and if you meet him outside of the classroom he's not as intimidating as he appears at the lectern.

But even so he expects his students to strive for the best possible grades. He wants everyone to pass his classes, but he also won't cut corners or raise grades even if they're a point or so away. He claims he's fair when it comes to grading, but sometimes it feels like he deliberately grades for every possible mistake rather than the content itself. At least, that's how it feels with your work. He took off points for a few grammar errors (of all things) and even took off points regarding very minor discrepancies in your information. When you brought it up to him after class, he'd simply told you, "You should know your subject if you're going to write a report on them and obviously, from the looks of your most recent paper, you do not."

It was a report on the intelligence of the octopus. You'd spent hours poring over textbooks and academic journals. You'd penned every reliable source, every fact, every study and its data. How any of that was "incorrect" is beyond you. You even cited every source properly! What is he even thinking, marking you for "incorrect information"?

In your defense, you are not a marine biology major. You're just taking a class because you need course credits and this was one of the few that provided you with the extra hours needed. You know Professor Ashengrotto from the business classes you're taking. He's just as cutthroat there. Apparently, the academic world is just as ruthless as the business world (at least in Professor Ashengrotto's eyes).

As if your professor can't get any harsher, he does. He failed your most recent report for one of the business courses, and it hurt your grade a considerable amount. So, like clockwork, you find yourself in his office, your paper nearly crumpled in your fist with how tightly you're gripping it. You can't fail out of his class. You need to keep a certain grade average each semester if you intend to keep your scholarship, your status as an honors student, your roles in certain clubs and extracurriculars. You verbalize these worries to him and he smiles and proposes an offer: You can redo the entire report so long as you take care to do a better job. It sounds great until you hear the deadline. Three days. He's giving you three days. Three days to write an entire report from the ground up because he won't accept changes made to the already existing paper. Three days.

Three days.

You think you might go insane.

Oh, but the fair and polite Professor Ashengrotto has a suggestion! He's willing to extend that time if you meet with him for coffee to discuss further. Stupidly, you agree right away, thanking him for his understanding, and he continues to smile, to say he really does get it. University is taxing; he knows. He's been there before. He just wants to help you; this is your future, after all.

On your way out of his office, you fail to notice the pale eyes that stick themselves to your rear as you retreat. The door shuts behind you, and only then do you realize the nature of the agreement. Meeting up for coffee. Outside of class. Outside of office hours. Meeting up...for coffee. Why does that feel...wrong, somehow? Why does it unsettle you?

But you need to amend your grades. You need to pass. You need to secure your future. So you push your discomfort aside and prepare yourself for the weekend.

- - -

It's strange to see Professor Ashengrotto without his usual pressed suits, luxury wristwatch, expensive ties, and shined shoes. He's almost...casual in his black turtleneck sweater, grey trench coat, and black slacks. He looks almost like a fellow student, so much so that his appearance startles you when you spot him sitting in a corner of the comfortable coffee shop.

To your speechless stare, he chuckles and asks, "Am I not allowed to dress comfortably on my days off?"

And then it hits you. This is his day off. This is your day off. This is not an academic setting. This is...

You shake your head and slide into the seat across from him. "Sorry. It just surprised me." You're digging through your bag to distract yourself, now acutely aware of his stare pinned on you. "I brought my laptop and was hoping you could look over my sources. I spent all of last night compiling them, so maybe if you had a chance to review them I might know what to do to avoid making the same mistakes. And I also started a new thesis. I don't think the other one was working. Maybe that's where I went wrong and so if I just change—"

"Is everything all right?"

You blink, your gaze lifting to meet his. "Sorry?"

"Are you okay? You seem frazzled."

"Well, I mean, yeah. That should be obvious." You cough, realizing your reply was harsh, and fix it with, "I'm trying to manage the workload from your classes and my other classes, Professor."

"Please. Call me Azul."

Your face scrunches in distaste. It doesn't sound right to refer to any professor by their first name, even if some of them have noted they don't particularly mind it. With Professor Ashengrotto, it feels far too casual. You don't like it.

And as if things can't get anymore casual, they do when a waitress arrives to deliver two cups of coffee and pastries. You stare at it. It's brewed just the way you like it. Even the pastry is your favorite. You fix Professor Ashengrotto with a questioning stare.

"You mentioned it in one of our introductions."

"My favorite coffee and pastry?" You frown, combing through your brain for when you might have said so. It's highly possible when you introduced yourself to your peers at the start of the semester. "Oh. Well, allow me to pay you back for—"

"There's no need." He smiles at you. It's gentler this time. You don't like it.

"No, I insist. How much was it? I'll give you the exact change right now."

You're fumbling for your wallet when his arm reaches across the table. A warm hand closes around yours.

"Professor Ashengrotto?"

"Azul," he corrects evenly. "And please don't worry about it. Everyone needs a little pick-me-up every now and then, yes?"

His fingers curl into yours, nearly entwining, and you yank your hand away, icy horror creeping up your spine. He blinks at you, as if stunned, before composing himself and drawing back. You stare between your wallet and laptop before pocketing the former and turning the latter on.

"Well, if you really don't want me to pay you back... Then let's get back to the matter at hand."

For the rest of your afternoon, you resign yourself to academic discussions. It's easy to fall into that rhythm, and Professor Ashengrotto offers helpful insight as he reviews everything you show him. By the end of it, you're relieved to have finished such a draining discussion. More importantly, you're glad you can leave this coffee shop and never return again (at least not with Professor Ashengrotto).

He reminds you to have it submitted before midnight at the end of the week. You thank him for his help and, just to ease your anxious heart, leave him with a few Madol for the drink and the pastry. On your way out, you feel his eyes on you, watching you make the walk to your car. Those eyes never leave, even after you've driven away.

It can't get any worse, you tell yourself.

You submit your revised paper a minute after midnight. And, apparently, by your professor's standards it's late. He gives you half credit. It hardly raises your grade. If anything, it lowers it a few points.

Like a bad song on repeat, you find yourself in his office yet again. And like before he proposes the same fix: coffee and revision. Stupidly, you agree to another weekend spent in discomfort. It's for the sake of your grades. It's for the sake of your scholarships. It's for the sake of your future, so you can sacrifice slivers of your sanity.

You have to if you want to pass.

- - -

Though it feels like you're improving in his class, your grade does not reflect this. You're not sure how many more coffee dates you can take. You're not sure how many more Please. Call me Azuls you can take. You're not sure how many fleeting touches you can take, each one seeming more invasive than the last. You hold your tongue and swallow disgust because your grades are in his capable hands. You need good grades. You need to pass. You need to, you need to, you need to.

You're in his office again, but this time your resolve has shattered and you're crying. You hate every moment of this. You hate feeling so cornered. Most of all, you hate how empty the building gets at this time of day.

"I don't know what you want anymore," you admit in a broken whisper. "I'm trying so hard. I've revised paper after paper, I've discussed everything over coffee, and I've done my best to improve. I listen and take notes. I ask questions. I'm never distracted. I always study the material. So what am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do to pass? I can't lose my chances at being considered for certain scholarships..."

Professor Ashengrotto wears sympathy like it's a counterfeit of a luxury scarf. It almost fools you, but then he's rising from his seat, crossing the distance to the door, and you know his care stems from something else. Something wicked and foul.

"I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I'm here to help, but I can't help if you aren't willing to put in enough time to submit good work—and submit it on time, might I add. This is a team effort, after all."

But I am putting in enough time! you want to say, but the words won't come. Your throat is closing up, raw and ragged from sobbing.

"If you're so concerned, I can offer you an alternative." His voice has dropped dangerously low. You don't dare turn around to face him. You can't when you hear the door shut and lock with an ominous click. "This deal is a double-edged sword. It will hurt both of us should the wrong people catch wind of it."

His shoes click out steady steps against the linoleum. He bends down to view you, hunched and horrified, in your chair. "But you're smart, so I know I can count on my little honor student to keep their pretty mouth shut." He smiles a sharp, nasty smile and draws back, leaning against his desk with his arms folded primly over his chest. "So let's help each other. Team effort, after all."

"P-Professor Ashengrotto, I don't think this is...appropriate."

He quirks a brow at you, and his normally soft, powdery hues are dark and stormy. "You want to pass, don't you? I could fail you right here, right now. Take one step out of this office and you'll never know success in any of my classes ever again." The light must have drained from your eyes because he chuckles again, tutting softly. "Don't make that expression. I'm not cruel. I'm giving you an opportunity to improve your grades. If I were you, I'd take it."

You weigh your grades and your integrity. Is the former really that important? You can survive one failure, right? Anything would be better than this horror. Anything would be better, right? So why are you hesitating?

You stare at your lap and, very quietly, ask, "What is it you want?"

"Get on your knees and put that smart mouth of yours to work. If you're good, I might consider giving you extra credit."

It's for the sake of your grades, so you have no choice.

#twisted chit chat #gross!!!! he's so gross!!! >:(#yandere twst #tw: age gap #tw: student teacher relationship #tw: dubcon

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maxicaiman · 6 days ago

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KO-FI SHOP IS FULLY STOCKED FOR THE HOLIDAYS!!

HELLO EVERYONE!!! A lot has happened in this last few weeks, but I have good news!! I have finally gotten everything in my shop either stocked or ordered, so we are fully up for the holiday season!!

I will not be adding any new merch until next year! I need to focus on paying for my final semester of college, so this is my form of income to do that! This is NOT an emergency, it's just nice to not have to spend every penny I have right now.

Any pin orders I have received before today (11/20) will be shipped out tomorrow (hopefully!). I will be home until December 1st, then hopefully back home for the 6th, and then home for a month! I will be able to ship orders through this entire time.

Anyone who has ordered either of my charms (Rodimus or TFA Trio), your charms will not be included in your envelopes! I just placed the order in for those, hopefully they will arrive before Christmas to be sent out! I will keep you updated!

I will be redoing my TF One stickers! I was unhappy with their appearances, and did not get many orders, so I will wait and redo them before opening them up again! If you ordered a sticker, I will send you a new one without any need to re-purchase!

And my final note for the evening: I am running a sale for my pins!! Anyone who buys pins will save 20% with code BLUE at check out!! This is good until the 20th of December!

SO!! With this very long yap of mine, I hope you all have a wonderful day/evening, and thank you to all who have supported me so far!!

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lunar-antlion · 2 months ago

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(tldr at the end)

just came out as trans to my therapist. This is the first time in my life i have actually ever spoken these words out loud. It's a truth i only recently fully accepted but have known basically my entire life.

I'm not gonna have a big coming out bc this is for me. My main goal is gonna be getting on hormones, I already contacted my local lgbtqia+ association for all necessary information on getting hrt in my country..

so that's a big fucking step wtf, love it though idk had to get completely baked after that therapy session and am still as of writing this so excuse the rambling.

my preferred pronouns are still they/them

anyways whatelse happened recently..

I was on vacation in berlin and it was so great. nobody knew me there so the freedom of being a complete stranger in such a queer city was eye opening - hence the "me accepting myself and starting to finally transition and stuff" thing afterwards.

Got a new haircut at LaBarBer✨ (queer barbershop in berlin)

Uni started and while i'm writing this "next semester" from ToP is playing wtf

anyways uni started and it's way less stressful as i expected and even though i have to redo the third semester, i'm only doing like six or seven classes this semester, because i did the others and the hospital hours for itlast year. idk if that makes sense btw.

tl:dr

Vacation in berlin:✨

Uni started: chill

me: 🏳️‍⚧️

#i mean wtf #coming out #transgender #transfem #mental health #nonbinary #lgbtqia #self acceptance #luka said something

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beartitled · 1 year ago

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Bear i genuinely need to know if you are on 15 coffees. How did you do that so detailed and nice????? How did you nake it so cool???? How do you have the talent and motivation???? How long did you draw to achieve this godly skill???

💕💞❤️💖💕Awwwww thank you 💕❤️💖💕💞❤️

Fun fact I actually don’t drink coffee (😨*shocked audience sounds*😨) or at least drink it very rarely, I dunno it just makes me more sleepy? for some reason? which is hilarious in this context

Hehe man I need to concentrate, but I can’t stop smiling

I’m very happy that people actually liked my picture book, it legit sends me away because it’s a personal project which took a ton of effort

Like fan arts, megadrawings, fan comics those are also mean a lot and made with love, but this project feels like showing a part of your soul

And when you see people actually enjoying it- just- ❤️💕💖💞💕❤️*ecstatic bear noises*💕❤️💖💕💞💕 *happy tiny jumps*💖💕❤️💕💖💞💖

(oki lemme put all my thoughts under read more, bc I didn’t expect to write that much 💥)

Answering the questions

I just love detailed stuff✨ Plus when you work on something for a long time, you can kinda think of something or subconsciously add even more visual details

Motivation comes from just a wish to finish something most of the time

When I work on big projects (that take months for example) I tend to go into 💪grind💪 state, where you just dedicate your entire time to making something

It a very interesting thing, because your life literally becomes this project for a few months, you wake up with a goal and make your day as productive as possible (after I finish something I can have a mini crisis, like wait this thing is over, wait I can do something different.. no I NEED A PURPOSE 💥💥💥 *aggressively starts yet another comic*)

Also I feel like uni played a major role in my productivity rate, bc you can have multiple projects in one semester and plus to that an assignment that just adds on every week

Imagine like inktober, but you decided to take 5 more prompt lists and every drawing you make is criticised by professor (so you need to make edits or redo your entire work)

This type of constant pressure just kinda makes you a different person in a way, at least it was my experience with it

And how much time (hehe don’t make me blush it’s not godly 👉👈), well entire life basically + almost 4 years of uni

Also wanted to say for people who are starting or just feel overwhelmed by other artists skills:

🫵Everyone starts with crappy pony drawings 🫵 (at least I did) (man if I ever find my first drawings I will show them)

The funniest thing is, I started drawing not because I wanted it to be good or to impress people

I just wanted a pony picture 💥 in a funky dress 💥💥 and my mum said “I’m tired of drawing horses for you, go do it yourself” 💥💥💥 and I did 💥‼️💥‼️💥💥

A lot of people chuckled at me bc the drawings were crappy, but I didn’t care 💥📣🗣️I’m the one holding a paper horse in a dress, not you 💥📣🗣️

So like, don’t sweat it, no art is bad – you put effort, you made it, it’s already worth attention and love

The idea of “good” is flawed and very vague anyway

The feeling of doubt is also normal, everyone has it time to time, without it we wouldn’t be able to improve

Just don’t let those thoughts consume you: appreciate your work and yourself 🫵❤️

Anyway thank you for this ask, it’s very sweet of you ❤️

Makes me incredibly happy that someone likes my stuff 🥺❤️💕💖🥺❤️💞

#bear answers #sorry for a whole essay in ask 💥💥#art mentioned brain go caboom 💥🧠#art talk #art thoughts

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