#and then i realized it's eight fucking episodes long -_-

[miraculouslumination]

Can we please bring back 20 episode seasons again. Please. Can we please NOT make 5-10 episodes a season the new "MAXIMUM". I am not asking by the way despite my usage of please. I am demanding but through gritted teeth, politely.

[diseaseriddencube]

alastor nearly gets killed????? and is missing...after a battle with the Vs??? and is trying to loophole his 'deal'?? woahg :0

[sleeplessdreamer14]

ok yall see this dude right here?

I didn’t give a f*ck abt him before episode eight, but now…

I want to ruin him.

I wanna watch him realize he’s in love- not just lust; love- with a demon and have a losing battle with his feelings, eventually coming to the conclusion that he’s doomed. He’s been bewitched, and there’s no cure for it. Watch as he is gradually consumed by hellfire and secretly loves how much it burns. For the first time in eternity, Adam is just about ready to surrender control.

Oh and don’t even get me started on Lute’s roll in this story,

imagine her being just as distraught about the ordeal because she’s been by Adam’s side for lord knows how long, and now after all those years, she’s about to lose him to a fucking sinner.

Yeah, surely Adam’s had plenty of flings before, and perhaps a few of them may have been with demons and sinners. But she could be fine with those, because none of them really mattered… until that wretched little imp came along and ruined everything. She starts to understand how Adam must have felt when Lucifer stole his first wife…

And meanwhile the reader’s totally oblivious to all of it.

[pendragonsclotpole]

I need to preface this post with the fact that I’ve been aware of Supernatural for as long as I’ve known what the terms fanfiction and fandom mean. It’s one of those pop culture moments that’s existed on the periphery of my mind as something really beloved and bemoaned about by people on the internet, but it’s never been something I really cared about outside of some iconic memes.

For the past four days, I’ve been watching Supernatural non-stop in my free time. I think I sat through eight episodes straight on one of those days, and I just have to say, the show is phenomenal.

I don’t know where to start, I could make a dozen of these posts about various points throughout the first two seasons and it still wouldn’t be enough. I’ve now taken a break at episode one of season three, because now that it’s a weekday I have work and can’t dedicate the time I could on the weekend.

First, Jared Padalecki’s acting is so beautiful and poignant and emotional. He really makes Sam Winchester into the bleeding heart of the whole show, and the entire time he’s on screen I worry about Sam. His portrayal of Sam’s heartbreak and desperation at Dean’s impending death after the car crash, as well as Sam’s horror at the reveal of what John told Dean before dying held a tragic desperation and denial that really embodied what the character represented in the first two seasons. Even as a hunter and with his special abilities, Sam felt like a quasi self-insert for the audience. I don’t mean that in a bad or overly tropey way, but in the way that he felt robbed of a proper childhood in favor of his father’s crusade. Sam is the angry, indignant younger sibling who never bore the brunt of responsibility like the older sibling did and it shows. In some ways, it makes him more entitled—I don’t mean that Sam does not have the right to be angry with John Winchester. He does. Fuck John Winchester. I mean entitled in the unintentional, coincidental way that your little brother or sister always demands the things you never had or rebels against the authority of the parent without ever dealing with the consequences you did as the older sibling. It reveals the veneer of freedom he had and the protection he received by virtue of his place in the Winchester Family. For me, it made him unbearably real, and this feeling of realness was made worse by the genuine naivety and innocence he keeps even as he continually gets screwed over by the demons. There’s a steadfast belief in the goodness of others within Sam that often conflicts with the sense of goodness he believes he lacks.

Sam trusts so easily, but he understands people in ways that should be antithetical to his upbringing. It took me forever to reconcile why he seemed so familiar, until I realized that Sam Winchester, for all that he was one of John Winchester’s son, had received the unconditional love of an older sibling for his entire childhood.

I don’t mean the perfect, kind, healthy love that often exists between fictional siblings. Too often I’ve watched media that makes me wonder how siblings like that even exist, or conversely, made me glad my siblings weren’t so fucked up.

I mean the kind of platonic love that exists between siblings living in the liminal space of love and hate thanks to the single fucked up connection that draws them back together continuously out of some sense of duty or commiseration or the need to be understood.

I mean the kind of love between siblings that would wither away when in a perfect world that does not stake their survival on their codependence of each other, but that in an imperfect and real world is equated to familiarity. Sam and Dean against the world—against John Winchester.

Out of all of the episodes I’ve watched in the last day and a half, perhaps the one that struck me most was episode 20, Season 2. What is and What Should Never Be. Not only was the title a bit of emotional whiplash—the juxtaposition of Should and Never lending a finality or a sense of wrongness that can’t be replicated by the words “Could Never—but we see Dean and Sam in a world where their one connection, hunting, has completely vanished and at a high cost to all the people they’ve saved, but mostly to Sam and Dean themselves. They’re connection as ride or die brothers is gone, replaced by an ostensibly better, healthier, more normal future liberated from the expectations of the rest of the world.

Without the death of Mary Winchester, Dean and Sam are no longer Dean and Sam. They’re just two people, connected by the two people that raised them, and likely to drift apart after that connection dies—frayed ends of a tapestry pulling apart and unraveling. Dean gains a mom and a normal life, but metaphorically loses a brother and a sense of purpose. Who is Dean Winchester if he’s not a hunter and Sam’s brother? And the sad thing is, neither of these are traits Dean ever chose. They are conditions foisted upon him, perhaps not intentionally, such as in the case of Sam, but ultimately placed on his soul until they tethered themselves to the very core of what being Dean Winchester is supposed to mean. The end of the episode, and Dean’s choice to return to the real world, regardless of Sam waking him up, is Dean fully giving up his dream in order to save Sam and be a hunter. The fallacy of the episode is in the choice Dean makes, which the more I think about it, feels less like a choice and more of an inevitability but one compounded by Dean’s readiness and willingness to go with it.

This is where I get to the crux of my surprise with these first early seasons of Supernatural: Dean Motherfucking Winchester.

I don’t know what I was expecting from early seasons of Supernatural, especially with the context of the later seasons. Maybe an overly cheesy, early 2000s ode to roadtrip Americana with a self-reverential take on the classic gun slinging frontiersman of the Wild West and bad supernatural CGI. Not to say it isn’t that (shout out to Sam’s comment on Dean’s particular brand of butch), but what surprised me was how real the connection between the characters was manifested on screen and how much good will the show built up in the audience. There came a point where I sided with Dean so much in the events of the show that I felt like I was riding shotgun in the impala. I saw it with every compliant “yes, sir” he gave to John, with every teasing comment he threw at Sam, and with every act of selflessness he exhibited by protecting other people. This isn’t to say that Dean is perfect. Sometimes he doesn’t take things seriously enough, or he’s willing to sacrifice people for some misguided greater good, or he’s obsessed with saving Sam even when he wouldn’t be if it were anyone else, but Dean has a conviction so many people lack. He has the capacity to love at a great cost to himself, either because he believes himself unworthy of being loved or because he’s not used to anything else.

Jensen Ackles does such a good job at this portrayal and with such a different technique than Jared Padalecki. Ackles embodies the desperate need for self-assuredness that Dean breathes, as well as the genuine fear he has of being seen. I love laughing with Dean as much as I love screaming at him for how stupid he’s being. If Sam is the self-insert, then Dean is the tragic hero, although that comparison feels like a poor facsimile for what Dean Winchester truly is because I don’t particularly feel an overwhelming sense of pity at his state or at his hinted downfall with that demon deal. If anything, I feel a sense of indignation mixed with understanding and frustration that Dean can’t catch a break but at the end of it all, is just how he prefers it.

It shouldn’t be a shock to admit that even without knowing what happens from seasons 3 to 15, I know how Supernatural ends. Just thinking about the ending makes me wonder if I should even continue it past season 5, but that’s a decision for another time.

For now, there’s something unbearably tragic in seeing Dean Winchester so close to a chance of a normal life and apple pie happiness (something he really seems to desire no matter how much he denies it) and then having to give it up, not just because it’s not real, but because he believes it should never be real.

Dean Winchester deserves better.

[tobiasdrake]

Ranma 1/2 episode 3. I can't be the only person who somehow, despite not thinking about this series seriously in a long time, still hears "YAPPAPPA YAPPAPPA II SHAN TEN hashagu koi wa ike no koi" in their head when starting up the reboot series.

Where did you come from? I thought I forgot you.

By contrast, the new OP hasn't grown on me as much. Can't imagine why. It couldn't be that I've heard the new one twice but heard the old one eight billion times over the course of three decades, such that any new music in its place is going to inherently sound like an imposter.

Nah, it's probably just that the song isn't good. That's a reasonable thing to conclude.

(In seriousness, new OP is fun.)

Uhhhhh, part 1 because I had a lot to say about Nabiki, my fave from back in the day who gets to be in the spotlight for the first time this episode.

Speaking of the OP, this is my favorite shot.

I don't know what it is exactly but every time I see this, there is a haunted look in Ranma's eyes. I don't think that's on purpose. I think he's just supposed to look like he's happily jogging.

But I see a thousand-yard stare on this boy. The look of a person who has seen things that can never be unseen.

Which.

Is fair.

For Ranma.

Rejected so hard. This is a misunderstanding but it's still hilarious how quickly Nabiki nopes the fuck out of this shit.

To be fair, she's seen the way Kuno treats the women he's interested in. If I were her, I would want no part of that.

Ironically enough, Nabiki/Kuno is IIRC the most popular ship for both of these characters. Though, given that being physically strong enough to beat the shit out of him at martial arts is such an important quality to Kuno, I'm not sure he and Nabiki are really compatible.

Makes perfect sense from Nabiki's perspective but honestly I'm pretty sure she's more likely to Black Widow him for his wealth than fall in love with him sincerely.

So begins Nabiki's career of being the absolute worst person in Ranma's life, in a cast that includes multiple people attempting to murder him. Nabiki is something far worse than a shonen rival. Worse than a romantic rival. Worse than a shonen rival who wants to surpass you at romancing your love interest.

She's a capitalist. And she has found a saleable product.

(My characters are always the absolute worst. Goddammit, Nabiki.)

There's something really interesting in Nabiki's reaction to that remark. Like. She gets back into gear pretty quickly after this moment.

But.

Just for a moment.

She had a visceral, kneejerk reaction of shock and disgust at the realization that Kuno was planning on pursuing Ranma and Akane at the same time.

Just for a moment, she had an emotional reaction strong enough to break her poker face.

I mean, she's still going to profit off it. She is a capitalist after all.

But it happened. That brief glimpse into the humanity underneath the cash register was there.

For those unaware of yen to dollar exchange rates, she's charging about $20 for Ranma's photos. Akane's are about $27. So we can actually quantify her feelings for Akane. She loves her sister exactly $7 more than a stranger she met a few days ago.

Don't take it personally. It's just business.

(I felt really gross saying that. Probably because it was really gross. In seriousness, Nabiki is an active participant in Akane's harassment, without Akane's knowledge.)

That said, she does still try to help this situation once she's done cashing in on violations of Ranma and Akane's privacy.

It doesn't take because Kuno aggressively refuses to learn the truth about the Pig-Tailed Girl throughout the series lest it compromise his delusions. But she does try. There seems like there's basically no reason for her to do this except to burst Kuno's bubble.

...except then she also does this when she realizes Kuno didn't get it.

She tried to burst Kuno's bubble and it didn't work so now she's making it worse instead. At this point, it's clear that Nabiki's just starting shit for funsies. She is the show's trickster. Her allegiances are to money and entertainment.

She was expecting a hilarious blowout the one way and when she didn't get it, she went a different route. Goddammit, Nabiki.

Of course, her troll antics eventually blow up in her face when they out her capitalist antics.

But she never really has to face any sort of consequences for it. Right when it seems like things are about to turn against her...

Ranma, rather than presenting a united front against their mutual abuser, decides to open his fucking mouth and insult Akane instead.

This is how capitalists win. They skate home with all the money and no comeuppance while their victims pick each apart.

[smileysuh]

Private Room : Nct 127

🌙 staring. nct 127 x afab!Reader

🔮 preview. “A lot has changed,” you admit. “Honestly- I never thought I’d take a break from cam shows once I started- never thought I’d be doing a solo show with a nct 127 private room- but here we are.”

cw/ tw. cam sex, solo cam room, masturbation, use of toys, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, praise, vibrator, dildo, overstim, etc...

👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 3.6k

🍭 aus. cam girl reader, poly idols, idols sharing a fuck buddy, dirty boy idols, etc...

☀️ mlist + an. cam room directory here - after a long haitus, cam baby is back :) this is the first of 5 new chapters that will be coming out in the next few weeks :) stay tuned for all the angsty forbidden love that cambaby is low key known for - this series is covered in audio by the Kpop Pillow Talk podcast, listen here

It’s been so long since you last did a cam show that you’re not sure who will even join, and the thought of an unsuccessful evening is what prompts you to message some of your most devoted fans.

Despite being on tour, you’re still in frequent contact with Johnny, Jaehyun and Haechan, so when you suggest a NCT 127 only camroom to the eldest of the three, it takes no time at all for him to run it by all his members and come back to you with a confirmation that eight of nine will tune in for your show.

“Everyone’s excited for another episode of our little cam baby,” Johnny tells you when he calls you before your start time. “The guys are getting a little agitated from our tour lasting so long- and I know Jae and Hyuck miss you-”

“What about you, John?” you toy, enjoying the taste of his legal name on your tongue. “Are you missing me yet?”

“I always miss you, baby.” 

You can hear the grin in his voice, and your heart does summersaults in your chest, the way it always does when you talk to your most longstanding, loyal, and kind dominant. 

“Miss you too,” you admit. “For more than just cam shows- although… well, you know I also miss being on camera with you.”

The last time you’d enjoyed Johnny infront of a live audience, it had been under the watchful eye of got7’s Jinyoung. 

So much has happened since then-

“The guys are eager to hear what you’ve been up to,” Johnny tells you, pulling you from your thoughts. “I think they’ll like it that it’s just all of us- they can ask more personal questions.”

“Personal questions-” you echo, letting out an anxious laugh, “uh oh.”

“You don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to,” Johnny assures you. “Remember, you’re running the show, princess.”

“I’m running the show,” you repeat, allowing the words to calm you while you get set up with a tripod and your box of toys.

“That’s my girl,” Johnny’s praise is the cherry on top, and you realize that - while it has been a while since you did a show - you’re still going to do just fine. 

All you have to do is be yourself- that’s always worked in the past. 

In fact, a solo cam session with your closest supporters is the perfect avenue to practice radical self love… in all forms. 

“Ok, Johnny I gotta hang up so I can start my show on time-”

“Yeah, no problem-”

“But uh…” you swallow thickly, pausing as you stare at your phone. There’s something itching on the back of your tongue- something you dare not say, so instead, you hit him with; “You’re all in separate hotel rooms during this, or…?”

“Uh huh,” Johnny laughs- “as much as we’re all close as members, I don’t think any of us actually want to watch you while we’re in the same room, Yuta joked about it once, but- we’re not Wayv.”

The mention of their brother group makes you giggle- there’d been a time when a few of the members had been big into your cam show, and they’d ditch practice to huddle in the bathroom and watch you- but 127 is not Wayv. 

“Get on with your show, baby,” Johnny’s smooth voice is always so calming, “I’ll see ya in there.”

“Bye, John.”

“Bye, baby.” 

The line goes dead, and you finish the rest of your set up in record time. Soon, you’re placing your phone in the tripod, sending a private room link off to your 127 group chat, and turning the camera on.

By the time you’ve gone to sit on your bed, adjusting your laptop so you can see the comment section, a handful of idols have already joined.

“Hey guys-” you breathe, eyes skimming through the usernames you know: NiceGuyJohnny, KittyTae, yutAH, Doie, ValentineJae97, HeyChannie-

And then two new users pop into the chat, with names that couldn’t be more diametrically opposed: PuppyBoyWoo and MarcusLee.

“Marcus Lee?” you read out loud, laughing as you lift your eyes to the camera. “I’d thought yutAH was bold but okay Mark, I see you-”

HeyChannie: fucking mark

NiceGuyJohnny: have you never made a fake user profile before markie?

yutAH: this kid

PuppyBoyWoo: what about me? What do you think of my user name?

“Hi Jungwoo, I love your user name- it’s good to see you here,” you smile. “Are you my little puppy boy, Woo?”

PuppyBoyWoo: bark bark bark

HeyChannie: woof woof

HeyChannie has donated $69

yutAH: grrrrrrr

yutAH has donated $69

NiceGuyJohnny has donated $69

PuppyBoyWoo has donated $100

MarcusLee has donated $100

ValentineJae97 has donated $420

God, you’ve missed this, missed how easy it is- 

“How about our resident kitty? You still here, Tae?” you ask, wanting to involve all eight members if possible- 

KittyTae: meow

KittyTae has donated $69

“Now we’re just waiting on you Doyoung-”

Doie has donated $200

“And that makes eight,” you grin. “Too bad Taeil couldn’t join.”

HeyChannie: couldnt? More like WOULDNT

NiceGuyJohnny: we all know Taeil is married to his beauty sleep

Doie: we should probably ALL be asleep right now. We have a flight tomorrow morning

HeyChannie: then LEAVE

HeyChannie: bitch

“Hyuck-” you groan, “I’m never going to take any of my clothes off if you force me to be a moderator- can’t you behave yourself for the next little while? For me?”

HeyChannie has donated $69

HeyChannie: fine. But I won’t be HAPPY about it

“Never needed you to be happy, just needed you to listen and be a good boy for me tonight-” you grin, enjoying the way you can toy with Hyuck with the safe distance between you. 

ValentineJae97: are you into good boys now baby?

ValentineJae97: what else has changed since your last show

“A lot has changed,” you admit. “Honestly- I never thought I’d take a break from cam shows once I started- never thought I’d be doing a solo show with a nct 127 private room- but here we are.” 

PuppyBoyWoo: what’s changed? This is my first show

“Well, for starters-” you lean back against your bed, toying with the fabric of your hoodie, “Got7 left their company- I think Mark would still join a cam room, but his time change is a lot- then, BTS is touring and busy too-”

NiceGuyJohnny: tell them about the job you got baby

“Right, I got a job… briefly.” You laugh at the memory. “I was doing behind the scenes with the Legendary Kingdom stuff- couldn’t really be doing a cam show during all of that. Just… a lot has been going on… I think I’m going to start doing more of these again… but uh…. While you guys are all on tour, I can’t just keep doing nct 127 solo rooms, so there might be some new faces and users popping up too.”

ValentineJae97: like who

yutAH: spill the deets baby

“Are we really here to talk my personal life?” you avoid the question. “I thought you guys wanted a show-”

PuppyBoyWoo: yes

PuppyBoyWoo: please take your shirt off : )

HeyChannie: what he said

HeyChannie: I don’t need to be made jealous while on the last leg of our tour

HeyChannie: I’m going to pretend it’s just us 

Doie: delusional 

“Anyways!” you lift your toy box, showing it to the camera. “Here’s my collection-”

NiceGuyJohnny: *side eye*

“Screw you John-” you groan, hating that he knows you so well, “fine it’s not my whole collection, it’s just what I like best for tonight.” 

HeyChannie: that’s a lot of vibrators baby

“And what about it?” you taunt, picking up one of the black, chordless wands. “Honestly, this is one of my favourites-” while looking down at your toybox, you consider your options. “Part of me had thought I’d let you guys choose what I should use tonight- but after reading the chaos of your chat, I think maybe I should just do my own thing and you guys should be thankful I put up with all your bickering and low donations.”

Doie: low donations-

Doie has donated $200

HeyChannie has donated $69

ValentineJae97 has donated $500

MarcusLee has donated $100

PuppyBoyWoo has donated $100

NiceGuyJohnny has donated $1000

yutAH: you know what? I was going to donate something fun, but after Johnny just slamming money down- I’m not so sure

NiceGuyJohnny: pay the nice cam baby you menace

yutAH has donated $666

KittyTae has donated $100

“I like the sound of donations,” you grin, “think it’s about time I started taking my clothes off, huh?”

You avoid your computer while undressing, although you see the chat blowing up in your periphery. 

After going so long without a show, a slow strip tease is just what you need to feel sexy on camera again. 

Your hoodie is removed first, and then you slowly slide out of your sleeping shorts. The large tshirt covering your form is next, and it leaves you in your bra and panties.

“Should I keep going?” you ask. “I think I wanna hear some coins if I’m going to take any more off.”

Your computer dings a few times, the sound of money making you grin. Ever the tease, you turn your back to the camera, reaching behind yourself to unclasp your bra.

You collect your breasts with a hand braced across your front, turning to face the camera at the foot of the bed. “Should I go slow tonight? I know you guys are used to me getting my clothes torn off really quick, but… now that it’s just me, I can tease, right?”

You shift your attention to the computer at your side, skimming the comments there. You’ve got a pretty divided cam room- with Johnny, Jungwoo and Mark being reassuring while Haechan, Yuta and Doyoung are more to the point-

“Are you really that concerned about your bed time, Doie?” you laugh, having not expected this kind of reaction from the stoic man you’re often shocked to see in your cam room at all. With a sigh, you give in, removing your hand from your chest and allowing your breasts to be exposed, nipples hardening with the temperature of your room. “I guess I do need to be mindful of your schedule- gotta catch that flight tomorrow…”

Doie has donated $200

“If you guys are in that much of a rush to see me cum- I guess I might as well start, hmm?” You reach for your favourite vibrator and the sound of coins confirms you’re making the right choice. “But because I’m being rushed- maybe I shouldn’t even take off my panties until I’ve cum at least once.”

You’re enjoying having power- enjoying the ability to tease your cam room and go at your own pace- although you make them think they’re dictating at least some of it.

The vibrator buzzes to life and you bring it down to your panty covered core, groaning at the way the machine feels even through a piece of fabric. “So good…” you say, loud enough for your idols to hear. “Think I’m just going to relax back against my pillow and enjoy this.”

You’ve cum solo enough times to know how to use your toys with an expert hand, and it’s easy enough to get lost in the feeling of your vibrator in the exact spot you like. 

You know how much of a tease this is- you laying flat, breasts exposed, pretty pussy still hidden while you begin to grind down on your toy- moving your hips fluidly-

Sounds begin to slip out of you, moans and whines that are as akin to music as the noise of coins and donations flooding in.

“Fuck, guys-” you groan when you apply more pressure to your clit- “my panties are sticking to me- I’m so wet already-”

You turn your head to the side, eager to read a few of the comments that are coming in on the computer next to you. 

NiceGuyJohnny: take them off

HeyChannie: yeah take them off

PuppyBoyWoo: please take them off

ValentineJae97: you look so pretty baby

ValentineJae97 has donated $100

NiceGuyJohnny: are you close baby? 

ValentineJae97: you can’t cum with your panties on like that

NiceGuyJohnny: yeah- move them to the side for us princess

HeyChannie: miss the look of that pretty fucking pussy

PuppyBoyWoo: bet you’re so pretty

PuppyBoyWoo: just for us

“Should I really take them off?” you ask, already feeling breathless- from the attention, or the vibrations on your clit- you’re not sure. “You guys wanna see my pretty little pussy- all wet and needy-”

The jingling of coins prompts you to reach down and toy with the waistband of your underwear. Jaehyun’s right about the annoyance you feel with panties in the way when you want to cum- and you know that if you get fully naked, you’ll reach your high in no time.

You suppose nct deserves it- suppose that after such a long time without a show, they should get to see you cum, fully, without your panties in the way. 

With a groan, you move your vibrator away, pulling your underwear down before throwing them across the room. 

“There we go-” you sigh, shifting your body closer to the camera at the foot of your bed, “someone better tell me I’m pretty or so help me god-”

ValentineJae97: so pretty

HeyChannie: the prettiest cam baby in the world

MarcusLee: you’re literally perfect

NiceGuyJohnny: gorgeous as always, princess

yutAH: fine as fuck

More moans leave your lips as the vibrator gets direct contact with your clit. Your wet makes it easy for the silicoln head to glide through your pussy lips, and you find yourself getting closer and closer-

“Shit- guys, I’m gonna cum-” you announce for the camera, earning coins a moment later. “Yeah- I’m gonna cum-” you can’t find it in yourself to look at the comment section, too focused on chasing your release as you grind your core harder against the vibrator. “Shit-” 

The tension in your lower abdomen snaps, your orgasm slamming into you and making your toes curl. Gasps and whimpers escape you as you work your way through it- toy never leaving your pussy until you’re a shivering mess, legs closing around your hand-

You groan loudly, reaching your breaking point and turning your vibrator off before tossing it to the side. “That felt so good, fuck, I need a sec-”

You need to take a moment to recuperate, closing your eyes and taking deep breaths while the aftershocks of your orgasm roll through you. 

When you’re able, you turn your head to look at the comment section, skimming through the words of praise and the donations. 

ValentineJae97: you still sound so good when you cum baby

HeyChannie: fuck I miss your pretty pussy like you wouldn’t believe

NiceGuyJohnny: need this tour to be over princess

yutAH: you’re gonna have us all simping by the time this solo room is over

“You guys like the solo?” you ask, eager to hear their opinions on it.

HeyChannie: love the solo

PuppyBoyWoo: so good to be here : )

Doie: solos over watching you get fucked

HeyChannie: solos AND watching you get fucked… by me

yutAH: can’t wait to watch you fuck yourself though

“Yeah? With what though?” You reach for your boy of toys. “How many inches? Six… seven… eight?” 

HeyChannie: eight

yutAH: 8

KittyTae: anything

NiceGuyJohnny: do you have a nine kicking around somewhere?

“A nine?!” you laugh. “Daddy- if I had a nine, would I still need you?”

NiceGuyJohnny: no one fucks like I do princess

NiceGuyJohnny: especially not some stupid toy

“You’re right about that-” you sigh, reaching for a dildo. “Even so, I think I’ll go with a seven incher today- it will give me something to miss about you guys. Plus…” you tease your tongue across the toy, “not everything is about big being better.”

HeyChannie: since when

Doie: oh my god shut up hyuck

HeyChannie: I think we’ve all learned something about the size of doyoungs dick today

“You two better stop fighting,” you groan, bringing the toy to your entrance and teasing it past your clit, “watching you bicker is not a turn on for anyone.”

The chat erupts in laughter and donations, and you draw your attention away from your computer, closing your eyes to focus on the feeling of the cock that you press into your tight hole, testing yourself.

“Fuck- that feels good,” you breathe. “Not the real thing, but… good.” You push the toy further into your pussy, delighted by the way your body reacts and squeezes around it. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but uh… it’s been a little while since I was properly fucked and… I might cum embarrassingly fast on this-”

PuppyBoyWoo: really????

HeyChannie: wanna watch you cum again

“You guys wanna watch me cum? Then I think… maybe the sound of donations might help…”

You love the way your computer dings immediately, and you begin to thrust the toy in and out of your pussy, marveling at how great it feels to be back on cam and chasing an orgasm with your own hands doing the work. 

Gasps and moans begin to escape you, and you lean into them, knowing that a few of the nct members have a thing for audio and the sounds a girl makes when she cums hard.

“Fuck, guys- it’s so deep-” the base of the toy makes contact with your skin each time you thrust it, and it does a perfect job imitating the pretty noise you listen to when you’re getting fucked- you only wish you had a sexy man groaning in your ear. “Shit- I need you guys to come back from tour- I need someone whispering dirty nothings in my ear-”

You hadn’t realized how much you’d missed dirty talk, and doing a solo has made you more aware of the noise in your mind- noise that’s always quieted and drowned out by the men you fuck. 

“Fuck-” you shift against your duvet, feeling the tension rising in the pit of your stomach- your free hand reaches for your vibrator and you announce “need to cum” loud enough for everyone to know what you’re about to do.

A shiver runs through your body when the second toy makes contact with your clit, and the hand thrusting your dildo into you stops momentarily while you let out a loud whine-

“Oh my god-” you begin to fuck yourself even harder, keeping the vibrator directly on your clit. Your legs begin to shake with effort and stimulation, and the dildo slides into you even smoother as you get wetter and wetter-

“Im gonna-” you whimper, biting your lip as the sound of donations floods through your room, “I’m gonna cum- fuck-” as your high hits you, you find the name “daddy-” slipping out of you, and you try to embody your favourite dominant as you overstim yourself, keeping the vibrator on your clit and the toy gliding in and out of your pussy until you’re a shaking, moaning mess.

The vibrator is the first toy you pull away from your core, flipping it off before tossing it to the side. The seven incher stays inside of you, and you wriggle your hips, gasping as the final shocks of your orgasm pass you by.

“Fuck-” you groan, turning your head to the side to read some comments while you slowly come down from your high.

PuppyBoyWoo: who’s daddy? 

HeyChannie: obviously me

ValentineJae97: you wish

Doie: I think you both wish

yutAH: we all know IM oppa

HeyChannie: lol says who

yutAH: Markus

MarcusLee: it’s marcus with a C tho

NiceGuyJohnny: sounded so pretty when you came baby

PuppyBoyWoo: I think I can see who daddy is now

Doie: not haechan 

HeyChannie: im going to put hair removal cream in ur shampoo 

“I thought I said no more fighting-” you laugh, shaking your head at the way nct uses your chat feature. “Also… I think we all know Taeil is daddy.”

It feels safe to smooth over the issue at hand, to divert attention with a bit of comedic relief-

You can’t have it being a known thing that you pick favourites- that when you cum alone, in the safety of your own home, there’s only one man in your thoughts-

“I really liked doing this show for you guys,” you say, swallowing thickly and avoiding the thoughts bubbling inside of you. “Hope the rest of your tour goes well.”

NiceGuyJohnny: are we gonna get to see you on a show again before we get back?

Your heart squeezes in your chest. “Uh… yeah? I mean… maybe?”

NiceGuyJohnny: weren’t you just teasing us about new faces sweetheart?

NiceGuyJohnny: where did this ‘maybe’ come from 

HeyChannie: she’s cute when she gets shy after cumming on cam

HeyChannie has donated $200 

Doie has donated $200

KittyTae: thanks for the show angel

KittyTae has donated $200

PuppyBoyWoo: excited for your next show ;)

MarcusLee has donated $200

PuppyBoyWoo has donated $200

yutAH has donated $200

ValentineJae97: it’s been good seeing you again baby

ValentineJae97 has donated $400

NiceGuyJohnny: get some rest after this princess ;) see you around

NiceGuyJohnny has donated $1000

“Goodnight guys, have a good flight tomorrow morning,” you smile softly, finally pulling your toy from between your legs so you can sit up and grab your phone to turn off the camera.

When the show is off, phone discarded, you take a deep breath.

It’s funny how you can make nearly a years rent in one show- 

Funny how the money still doesn’t do anything for the deep hole in your heart, a hole that can only be truly filled by one thing, the one thing you're afraid you'll never be able to find.

Interact with those who've cum before

› [nct] NiceGuyJohnny - online

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© smileysuh — all rights reserved. reposting/modifying of any fic, reaction, or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed.

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general taglist: (send me an ask to join either tag list:)

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@runahways - @d-abin - @milkteade - @woogyuhae 

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@learnthisfeeling - @gigilame - @cumtrov3rsy

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✘ nct taglist

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@fairieblog - @fairybr3ad - @peachyjaemin - @chemaistry

@sehunniepot

thanks to those who interacted with promos :)

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@arizejkt19 - @xcharlottemikaelsonx - @allie-mcginn

[respectthepetty]

We started episode nine of Wandee Goodday with the blinding yellow orb of light surrounded by pink/purple flowers. I'm gonna ignore the Ter part because between this and OMG! Vampire (and Thai BLs in general), I got questions about the lack of severity regarding male sexual assault and harassment, but that's a different post.

The props department has given me a yellow and purple labeled beer with the production name on it - AllThat Beer. Bless you, props department.

Yellow on Yak's side, purple on Dee's side, and they kiss in the blue with the purple countdown, and because I hate this blue, hopefully this is also a countdown to the fake part of their relationship ending soon.

@overrgrownn, already pointed out how they swap colors when they step outside and Yak turns pink, but the mermaid tails are in their colors too in yellow/red and purple/pink. Great had a picture on the set of him in a red wig and the boys have been spotted in other wigs, so maybe we wrote this mermaid plot off to quickly.

GET OUT OF HERE BLUE!

Much better! Much much better!

I knew the building's exterior lights were purple, but I hadn't realized it had yellow accents.

This is the worst montage of my life! I can deal with Yak in black because it's one of his colors, but seeing that brown and blue the entire time Yak is trying to woo Dee is disgusting!

Because even when there is yellow, it is covered up!

Both of them are very aware of their feelings! The colors are right there! SO WHY CAN'T I GET THEM?!

It's because they are faking it even when they don't need too!

And I've done been saying that Yak has tried to copy Ter because that's who Dee liked for eight years, so TAKE THE BROWN OFF YOUR BODY!

Y'all don't want to be to fake blue and brown like Ter trying to figure out his life.

And as cute as the boxing couple are, neither Yak nor Dee are an odd little boxing man or his girlfriend!

SO QUIT THE BIULLSHIT, DEE! I don't know why you feel you must lie about your feelings or your color anymore. I'm pretty sure that shirt is pink, so you're just going to sit there in a pink shirt AND LIE with the blue backing you up?! LIAR!!!!!!

I have a theory about the eleventh episode, and I think this man foreshadows it since Ter took too long to sort out his feelings and lost out, but before I write about it, I appreciate AllThat Entertainment for using the same actors in its shows because I deserve to see this man not surrounded by a harem of boys and being batshit crazy.

But back to Dee because even Kao knows what his true color is with his purple confidential folder.

So get it the fuck together, Dee! You know what your color and feelings are, so quit playing with this blue and these lies.

Because I think the eleventh episode will be Yak giving up. Yak lost his first boxing match because he ran out of energy to continue the fight, and Dee has continued this fight for no good reason. Therefore, I've been thinking that Yak was going to give up and Dee would have to finally step up and prove he loves Yak. Now, I NEED THIS TO HAPPEN!

Because as much as Dee is there for Yak, he is still hiding behind this illusion of a fake relationship.

Yak needs to win that final match, but he is dealing with some mental blockage. (This picture was absolutely necessary because he is wearing blue here)

The yellow comes from his mom.

And probably the pants too which is why they are so important. (Thanks, Dee, for showing up in your color)

So Dee gives Yak peace of mind and fills the voids that were left behind when Yak's mother died. We see the same dynamic between Cher and Yei.

But what will happen if Dee doesn't bring peace when Yak needs it the most? Dee's Nineties shirt had the always important message to "Make Love, Not War," but is he taking that advice?

He is absorbing Yak's color and combining it with his.

Yak is telling him that he loves Dee in every single way possible.

And they continue to switch colors as they kiss on the lips.

But Dee continues to deny his feelings and push Yak away when he feels too much. Next week, Yak is fighting for his family and home in episode ten, so I'm hoping everything else gets resolved, and all we are left with is the championship match and love for the last two episodes. My fingers are crossed that Yak will lose in this battle of love with Dee since Dee must always win (and he will win that scholarship).

Please, GMMTV, force Dee to make a choice because even if he wins everything, he'll still lose something.

Please.

[writingreadinglurkingandsmirking]

It's So Hard To Watch (Everything I Want) - reality tv star!Rafe Cameron x Reader

I Feel You Underneath My Tongue (Next To Every Word That I Should Have Said): Part 1, Part 2

Summary: You and Rafe had a long history together. The love that you shared wasn’t something that you’d ever questioned–not even when you guys were on a break from your relationship. But, suddenly he’s ghosting you. And the next thing you know? You’re getting a call from an MTV producer saying your ex Rafe is a contestant on Are You The One? and they need to come in for the ex’s episode of the show. And well, you couldn’t say no, could you?

CW/TWs: angst, female reader implied, cursing, toxic relationships afoot, a brief description of physical violence, implied previous physical violence, verbal harassment/abuse, not the most edited/reviewed

Words: 8.4k+

Note: Yes I used pretty boy blonde-era Drew for my header what about it!! And also? I used Jeff Probst because I thought it would be funny OBVIOUSLY he’d never host a reality tv dating show goodbye. So I started writing this a long time ago, forgot about it, and just revisited it to finish ‘er up. Now that said, uhhhhh I think I mayyyyy do a part 2 where Rafe gets back home because this is uhhhhh depressing and I Need closure. But! We’ll see!

Rafe Cameron had never been one you’d see going on a fucking reality TV show. No. Not at all, in fact. You had known him for the majority of his life. You’d dated the idiot for three years too. After the breakup, you went no contact for your own sake—he was impossible to be around and not fall back into his arms, no matter how much you hated it. Rafe hated it more, though. He tried desperately in the nearly year and a half since your break-up to get back together. You watched as he genuinely worked on changing himself and improving.

But then, suddenly, four months earlier he’d gone radio silent. You’d be the worst kind of liar if you said that it hadn’t hurt you. The abrupt cut-off had made you realize just how close you’d been to taking him back. Apparently, that wasn’t in the cards, though. Apparently, he was entirely over you. No matter how much you utterly fucking hated that. No matter how much it fucking destroyed you after those first two weeks of realizing that he wasn’t going to be coming back.

It got even weirder, though when a fucking MTV producer reached out to you. We’re with MTV’s Are You The One? they’d explained. You’re the ex of one of our contestants Rafe Cameron. Literally what? Would you be interested in getting a trip to Hawaii and being part of the experience? And again, unendingly now, what the actual fuck had Rafe gotten himself into? And why the fuck was he trying to have you be dragged into it?

All of the emotions that flooded you when that phone call started were…violent to say the least. And you were sad too. Part of you had hoped that Rafe would get the fuck over himself and call you again. Part of you hoped that you would’ve been able to give it another shot. But no. Apparently, he’d decided it’d be much more fun to just, you know, go on a stupid dating show with MTV and find his alleged perfect match. It made you sick to your stomach.

Are You the One was a show that felt like it was ripped from your worst nightmares. At least if Rafe was a contestant on it with someone else. The show had a dating algorithm that helps quantify compatibility for twenty-two people. It uses, according to the producer, in-depth interviews, some questionnaires, and then compatibility tests too. So, in the end, the contestants are set with their ideal match. With “their one” apparently. So, the unaware participants have to then get to know each other and undergo tests all while living with all of each other. And if, in the end, all eleven couples were able to figure out who they were after all eight weeks were up then they’d walk away with one million dollars and, potentially, the future love of their life.

The thought of Rafe meeting…

Naturally, you accepted the producer’s offer.

Topper, one of your best friends, even now–even after everything, told you how stupid of an idea it was to agree.

Even so, he booked his own tickets to come to Hawaii with you.

And that was how you found yourself at an insanely gorgeous resort in Oahu a month later with little to no information on what was actually going on or what would be expected of you. The only consolation was that you were far from the only ex here. It looked like every contestant had one person here for them. You were, however, one of the only… normal-seeming ones. Not for the first time since landing you cursed yourself for going along with this stupidity. Sure they wouldn’t really have another ex to call for Rafe that was actually an ex but that was their problem, not yours. Besides, if there’s one thing MTV can do it’s lie about their reality television shows. Even so, waiting in their stupid green room area altogether for whatever stupid instructions were to come next felt…well, stupid.

You heard your name called over your shoulder and you turned your head. “Hey, pretty girl. Now who is your ex again?” asked an extremely tall, well-built, and objectively gorgeous man next to you. He was grinning at you, the look in his eyes displaying an all-too-familiar attraction. But, if there was one thing you weren’t going to be doing? Fucking any of these weirdos. But, a little flirting couldn’t help. “Was it…was it Ryan?”

“So close. Rafe,” you corrected, giving him a half-smile. “It’s Alex, right? And your ex was Thalia?” He nodded. You hummed, shrugging. They’d shown you the audition videos they’d been given and Thalia seemed…interesting. “She looked super beautiful.”

“Yeah, beautiful and an absolute fucking nutcase,” he said seriously, even as he grinned. “She was always doing some dumb shit. Trying to accuse me of cheating on her when I was at work. Trying to fuck my brother when I told her that we were done.”

You let out a low whistle. “Damn, so you got a score to settle then,” you mused, leaning back in the chair to look at him. “I can respect that. I’m sure the producers love it.”

He nodded. “Oh they do,” he confirmed. He nudged your shoulder playfully and then winked. “Sorry, but I might be dragging your man down because of it. Word on the street is they’ve been paired up the past two weeks or something.” Your heart squeezed in a sad pain and you dutifully ignored it. “Don’t trip though, I’m gonna set him straight on what’s up with Thalia.”

“I don’t care,” you immediately replied, voice sharp and entirely unconvincing.

He barked out a laugh. “Yeah, sure,” he agreed, rolling his eyes. “You’ve been sitting here alone in your own little world instead of talking to all of us so I got a feeling you’re a little wrapped up in all this. And in him.” You shook your head in denial, rolling your eyes at the very true accusation. He chuckled again and this time you raised an eyebrow at him. “So what? Did y’all like break up a week before he came on or whatever?”

Clenching your jaw, you reminded yourself that this was just a stranger making conversation. There was no need to blow up on him. That was Rafe’s thing, not yours. “We broke up like a year and a half ago,” you said plainly.

“After how long?” he asked curiously.

“We’ve known each other since we were kids. We started on and off hooking up in…like high school—which our friends hated, of course. We went to separate colleges, but like…we just couldn’t stay away from each other. And by the time my senior year of college came? We were visiting each other practically every other weekend. Our friends had to inform us we’d been dating for like two years already at that point,” you said, shrugging. “But after he officially asked me and we made it exclusive…official…whatever? We were together for a little over three years.”

His nose wrinkled. “And y’all still run in the same circles and all that?” he asked, a sympathetic grimace on his face. You nodded. This time, he let out a low whistle. “Yeah, that’s fucked. Known each other your whole damn lives and he still couldn’t post up for you. That’s crazy. You’re way too beautiful to be treated like that.”

“I know,” you said dryly.

“Nah, sorry, sorry,” he said, winking. “I don’t mean it, like, to flirt with you. Promise.” You raised an eyebrow and he laughed. “Okay, only a little.” He sobered up, rubbing his hands together. “Still. Must be hard. Can’t even have that separation.”

You hummed. “No, we did. After the break up for like a month I didn’t talk to him. Avoided all our mutual friends, the whole bit. But then I remembered how much I fucking loved him regardless of our relationship. The…the issues that we had were…I didn’t leave him because I didn’t love him. I left him because I couldn’t keep enabling him. Remembered I didn’t want to lose that. So, like…I started to talk to him again. He was making genuine…good steps toward being a better man. One that he claimed would be worthy of me or whatever. But then five months ago or so he just…stopped talking altogether. Wouldn’t answer a phone call, text…nothing. So I just…took the hint. Next thing I knew I was getting a call from a fucking MTV producer. And now here I am. Talking to you.”

“You want him back?” the guy asked curiously. You glared half-heartedly at him. “No, no. I’m just asking because I fully plan to hook up with Thalia tonight, I ain’t gonna lie to you. So I’m just saying that door’s gonna be open.”

“All I want from him is to know why he went on a dating show and dragged me into it,” you corrected. He smirked at your side and you held up a hand in warning. “Don’t you say a damn word. What was I gonna do? Say no to a free Hawaiian vacation? Fuck that. I’m gonna stay here and enjoy myself.”

“Then go home to eat a metric ton of ice cream and cry, right?” he asked casually.

“Fucking Christ, dude we just met!” you said. “Why you dragging me like I’m the one dating your ex?”

He laughed. “Oh, no, baby girl, I’m gonna be dragging your ex. You? I’m just teasing,” he said.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “I mean, hey, feel free,” you said, inclining your head.

That seemed to end the conversation between you both. Just in time, it seemed because a producer then came and started herding the group around like cattle. Each of the exes was briefly obsessed over by assistants who made sure our outfits—ones they chose, of course—hair and makeup were all perfect. Only when everyone was set were you approached by another production assistant.

“Alright listen up!” the stern-looking young woman called. “We’re going to be sending you out in pairs. So whoever your ex is matched with currently is who you’re going to be going out with. We’re sending you out and leaving a minute gap between to get the reactions of the contestants. The plan is to send you out in order from the newest matches to the longest matches.” She glanced down at the clipboard in her hands. “So first we have the newest match Amelia and Jacques, so…Jordan and…also Jordan line up.”

You watched as male Jordan and female Jordan stood next to each other. On and on it went. Ten couples called before you. You felt your hand trembling at your side with unexpressed emotion and you drummed at your thigh in an attempt to stop it. Ten couples called before you.

“I told you they were together, gorgeous, didn’t I?” Alex whispered in your ear as you stood side to side.

“Last couple, and the longest…Rafe and Thalia,” she said. The words stung and settled in your stomach like lead. Your feet moved you into the line at the end before she’d even finished saying yours and Alex’s name. Alex stood next to you, his hand brushing the small of your back, bringing you back down to the moment, snapping out of the distraction. “Alright. From the top. First two, my Jordans, you’re out in two minutes. I’ll be right back to get you.”

“How you feeling hearing that?” Alex whispered to you. “It’s been six weeks in that fucking house and they’ve been together like all of it. I’m fucking pissed.”

“I don’t know why I came here,” you admitted after a moment.

He barked out a laugh. “Well, too late to back out now,” he said dryly.

“Yeah,” you whispered. You folded your arms across your chest watching as the first group was taken out then the next then the next then the next. Abruptly after the last before you were taken out, you looked to Alex. “Do I look okay?

“What?” he asked, surprised.

“Do I look okay? I can’t walk out there if I don’t look okay,” you replied anxiously, wringing your hands in front of you.

He looked you up and down grinning. “You look super fucking hot. Don’t worry about that,” he said easily, slinging his arm around your shoulder, jostling you gently as if you were lifelong friends and hadn’t met two hours earlier. “Now buck up, gorgeous. We gotta get our game faces on. We gotta go.”

As if summoned by his word, the production assistant came back for you two gesturing you two out into the fray. You kept your face carefully neutral, noting Alex doing the same at your side. You exited, eyes doing anything but looking in the direction of the contestants. You moved onto the pedestal where the other exes were, Alex’s hand touching your lower back as you both moved up. You gave him a half-smile, recognizing the reflexive protective gesture. You could feel burning stares on you and you hated it. Evidently, someone didn’t like that.

Eventually, having no other choice, you turned your eyes towards the contestants. The first place your eyes fell was on a taller woman, with perfectly tanned skin, gorgeous dark hair that practically hung to her ass, and—speaking of her ass, boy did she have a good one. Thalia. You could tell because your eyes drifting just to her side was your Rafe. No. Just Rafe. Her Rafe, actually. He looked relatively at ease by his posture. But, both of them were glaring at you and Alex.

“So,” came the voice of the host. “All of the exes are here.”

MTV had managed to bag Jeff Probst of all fucking people. Appropriate, you supposed considering that the show was modeled after Survivor in that there are competitions and voting involved. Much lower stakes all around, physically at least. Everyone nodded at Jeff’s words and you couldn’t help but try to pretend you were on the Survivor jury instead of standing here in this objectively awful situation. There was a low murmur from the contestants’ side. But, on the opposite platform, everyone was silent.

“Wow…pretty silent here,” Jeff commented. “Especially considering I know how loud all of you can be on days like this.” He looked pointedly over at the contestants. “So…how are we feeling? What’s it like seeing your exes standing here looking at you as you stand next to who you hope to be your perfect match?” He made a point of looking over at us and then back to the contestants. “Thalia, why don’t you tell us how you’re doing with all this.”

The girl next to Rafe took a dramatically deep, shaky breath. You watched as Rafe’s hand moved to her back, rubbing it soothingly. He looked down at her, a soft sort of look in his eyes and you felt nauseous in a way that you didn’t expect. You carefully steadied your breathing and focused your gaze just past them. She took a moment, turning towards Rafe and murmuring something that you were sure the mic packs on them could pick up even though you couldn’t hear it. You watched as Rafe replied quietly and then pressed a quick kiss to the side of her head.

It spiked your fucking blood pressure.

“Thalia,” Jeff prompted.

“Sorry, Jeff,” she said, a sugary sweet voice watery and wavering. “It’s just…it’s hard. To see him. And to see her too, honestly. I mean…I mean knowing what he did to me. Knowing what she did to Rafe. Hell, knowing what everyone else’s exes were like too…this just…it’s awful, honestly. We’re here to try and move forward and still somehow it feels like all we’re doing is sliding back.” She fanned at her eyes.

“You seem really upset,” Jeff said, nodding. “How does it…how is it that the mere presence of your exes could cause this much stress for you? Do you not have confidence in your relationships? Do you think this is going to cause problems…have the cracks started to show?”

“Fuck no!” Thalia snapped. “I just don’t want to even see this bitch. I don’t want to see her even fucking breathe in Rafe’s direction. I don’t want her ass to even speak on him. I know that the way she treated him and it doesn’t matter how fucking pretty she is on the outside I know what an ugly, horrible, frigid ass bitch she is on this inside! I don’t need that fucking energy around and Rafe sure as shit doesn’t! It’s not my fault she fumbled and lost him! He’s a fucking catch and I’m not gonna act like I’m not glad about it. He’s my man now and she’s just gonna have to deal with it. That’s it. The end. I don’t fucking care! I don’t want to see her stupid ass face.” She scoffed. “And you know me, Jeff. I’ll fucking beat someone’s ass if they fuck with the people I love.”

You didn’t particularly care about the girl’s words. You didn’t know her. She was an attention-starved brat…or rat if you were going to give in to the more malicious thoughts in your mind. She wanted to be famous…as famous as you could get from trashy reality TV, at least. Her words didn’t matter. Rafe’s reaction certainly did though. He just clenched his jaw and looked up towards the sky and then cast his eyes down. Still, his hand stayed on her back, rubbing it soothingly. That boiled your blood, admittedly. And, it seemed that the girl’s words actually pissed off Alex more.

“Watch your fucking mouth, Thalia. God, you don’t even know her,” he said snappily.

“Oh, and you do? You don’t fucking know her or the shit she’s done. Don’t even talk to me,” she snapped back in reply.

“Just like how these people don’t know all the shit that you’ve done!” he replied. He turned his eyes to Rafe. “And you? This girl? Who you claimed to love for years and years and years and have known like your whole life, what? You’re cool with some girl you met a month ago talking like that? The fuck is wrong with you, bro?”

“Don’t fucking call me bro,” Rafe said, a lazy, hard-edged smirk on his mouth and a glint in his eyes that displayed the carefully concealed rage just beneath the surface. “And you need to watch your fucking mouth coming in here talking like that to anybody.”

“Yeah, okay,” Alex scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Jeff cleared his throat. “Emotions are already running high,” he noted. He said your name, turning all eyes towards you. “You haven’t even said a word and yet you’ve been the center of attention since you came out here. So, what’s all this like for you?”

You hated the feeling of the lights and the eyes all on you. It made you want to twitch. Instead, you kept your face in a mask and shrugged. “Don’t particularly care,” you said blandly.

“Yeah because you’re an emotionless robotic bitch,” Thalia near-yelled.

“Thalia. Let’s let her talk,” Jeff said, his words a suggestion but tone a command. He turned back towards you, gesturing at you with his hand. “Please, go on. Tell us why you decided to come if you knew something like this might happen.”

You gave Jeff a saccharine smile. “Always wanted to visit Oahu,” you said, biting back the sarcasm that threatened to overcome you. The other exes laughed in amusement and agreement at the sentiment but sobered up when Jeff called us back to order.

“Nothing else? It didn’t have anything to do with a desire for closure? To feel like you had to warn someone else about Rafe? To see how you’d measure up to this potential new perfect match he has? These are just some of the reasons that exes on past seasons have given for their appearances,” Jeff pointed out.

“Nah, definitely not for closure…I don’t think this place is where you’d get something like that. You’d kind of be an idiot to try with some people, I’m sure,” you said. Then, you shrugged. “And I have no desire to warn other people about Rafe. Everyone’s got their own red flags and no one listens to advice anyways so there’s absolutely no point.” You hummed, lips twitching up for a moment then flattening out. “And yeah, I don’t care about whatever potential little…perfect match or whatever there is. I don’t compare myself to other people, even when they apparently desperately want me to. So…yeah, Jeff. It really just is the trip to Oahu. And hey? Who else were they gonna call for Rafe?”

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.

It was so much more than that.

You’d die before admitting it.

“Interesting,” he said. “And, not to make things uncomfortable. But let’s address the elephant in the room. You’ve looked at Rafe maybe twice since you came in here. What’s it like to be with him in a situation like this? What’s it like to have Alex next to you defend you from his own ex’s words all while Rafe doesn’t say anything?”

You let out a short laugh. “Yeah, I don’t usually stare at people, so I certainly don’t feel any sort of need to do so now. And I’m not particularly…surprised by him not defending me. It’s never been his style,” you said simply. You saw him tense slightly and roll his eyes but you ignored him wholly. You glanced over to Alex. “It was nice of Alex to defend me, I guess.” Thalia scoffed and you resisted the urge to launch yourself at her and punch her. You were better than that. You weren’t going to be the asshole here. It was going to be clear that it was her. You were determined. “But I’m a big girl. I can fight my own battles.”

Jeff nodded. “Well, you haven’t reacted to what most people here would consider a fight being brought directly in front of you. Thalia has made it extremely clear how she feels about you. She’s also made it extremely clear what the people in this house apparently think about your past relationship with Rafe. What do you say to all of that? Is that not worth fighting for?”

“That isn’t a fight,” you dismissed. “That’s people who don’t know me or the person that they’re getting…some form of information from. I don’t care how much trauma dumping you do in six weeks. You’re not gonna have a clue who you’re dealing with. I promise you that. So I don’t care what she’s saying at all—I’m never gonna have to see her again after this. I have people who care about me at home. I have people who know me. These people?” You look at all the participants and shrug. “No offense. I’m sure you’re all great in the real world. But you mean absolutely nothing to me. Your opinions mean less than nothing to me. Your opinions about me? Nothing. Your opinions about the relationship that I had with Rafe? Nothing.” You looked back to Jeff. “You want me to be honest, Jeff? I don’t think that the ‘fight’ being brought to me or whatever you wanna say is even worth this conversation.”

Jeff smiled and nodded at you. “One of the most mature responses that you could have in the face of someone being so openly hostile to you a minute after you even come out here,” he said. He looked over at Alex then. “And you, Alex? Do you feel the same?”

“Absolutely, Jeff,” he said, nodding. “I don’t know these people and I don’t care. They’re not why I’m here. But nah, unlike her I am gonna tell the facts of how Thalia is. Because I’m not cool with her walking around here acting like she’s a victim when she knows damn well she isn’t one.” He scoffed. “And knowing that she’s potentially a match with her ex or whatever? I’m sure she feels at least a little the same.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jeff coaxed.

Alex shook his head. “Just saying, Jeff,” he said vaguely. “I’m not gonna get into it yet. That’s for me and them to talk about later.” The nebulous reference clearly being either Rafe or Thalia…maybe even you. You truly didn’t care about that.

“Fair enough,” Jeff said. He clapped his hands together and turned his body towards the participants. “Now, Rafe…you’ve been very quiet so far today since you found out what was going on tonight. What’s going on in your mind?”

Rafe was silent for a moment. You watched as Thalia turned her body towards him placing her hand possessively on his stomach, stroking it as if trying to be soothing and missing the mark entirely. He didn’t spare her a glance. You could tell he was overwhelmed to some level and his brain was shutting down, only letting him focus on one thing at a time. You could see it in the slightly dazed expression and the pinched turn of his eyes.

“I don’t know Jeff. It’s always hard to see people who meant the world to you and then just…didn’t anymore,” Rafe said vaguely. You actively had to remind yourself to keep breathing evenly so your breath wouldn’t hitch in your throat at his words. “I mean, like, for all of us. These are people who were important in our lives somehow. They’re representations of problems we have in dating. All that. So yeah, it’s like seeing…I don’t know…your mistakes personified for a lot of us.”

You couldn’t help but recoil at that slightly, taking a half-step back like you took a physical blow. The words seemed to register with the rest of the crowd. Murmuring happened on both sides, some of disapproval of his words, some of approval of what he’d said. You took a deep breath, making your face neutral when you felt a girl next to you wrap her arm around your waist. You took the opportunity to use it to ground yourself, wrapping your hand around hers in turn. As much as you hated that you needed it, the support was appreciated.

“Wow,” Jeff said. He glanced at you, saying your name, and then back to Rafe. “Do you think she’s a mistake, Rafe?”

“She taught me a lot about myself,” Rafe said. “And I’ll always appreciate that. But not all relationships are supposed to last. Some of them are just to help us learn more about what we want in a relationship and nothing else.”

“You didn’t answer the question,” Jeff prodded. “Do you categorize your relationship with her as a mistake?”

Rafe looked at you and you met his eye head-on, refusing to be impacted.

You could tell what the answer was going to be before he even opened his mouth.

“Yes,” he said steadily. Immediately, he looked away.

You felt like someone had reached into your chest and tore your heart out. You were suddenly glad that your hand was wound around the girl so no one would see how you were shaking. Your face you could control. Even your tears. But your hands? No. All you wanted now was to go back to your room and call Topper and tell him that you were going to crash with him in Kona sooner than you planned. Crying to your best friend for comfort was the only thing that would even potentially work. But that would have to wait until the night was over. You would be strong until then. You had to.

The muttering amongst the groups on either side grew louder once again. You kept your brain fuzzy and uninvolved, not letting yourself sink into the sticky discomfort of your feelings that would swallow you and encase you in pain like a fly in fucking amber. You couldn’t do this. Not right now.

“And how does that feel?” Jeff said, the question directed at you. “Hearing Rafe call your relationship a mistake? What’s that like for you? Do you feel it’s a fair representation of the relationship you had with him?”

You paused for a moment, looking towards the ground and then back up, a fake smile turning your lips upward. “Well, I’ve known Rafe more or less my whole life. He had a real temper on him when we were younger. So, it’s nowhere near the worst thing that Rafe has called me,” you said. “And besides, he can call me whatever he wants. It’s his right—we live in a free country, right? Whatever. I’m sure that there are things that I’d call him too if I thought it’d make me feel better.”

“And what are those?” Jeff asked, eager to hear some rebuttal from you, clearly.

“Nah. I’m not doing that,” you dismissed. “I feel no need to say that shit. It’s useless.”

Drug addict. Cokehead. Alcoholic. Asshole. Entitled. Liar. Petty. Mean. Fucking mistake. Those were just a few of the descriptors that came to mind.

“Alright. Let’s move on then,” Jeff said, neatly moving the conversation away from you, looking at the girl who had pulled you to her side in a show of support and was still. “Valeria, I see you here with your arm wrapped around her. Supporting her when you met her less than a few hours ago, really. In a show of support that, sometimes, we don’t even see from our own contestants. You hear her ex-boyfriend say something you deem hurtful and you immediately step in to be kind to her. That’s something that I doubt just anyone would do. Clearly, you’re a person who cares deeply about others. What’s it like to see Patrick, a man you loved, in a situation like this where he’s putting love and attention into others?”

“Well, Jeff. I just think it’s a shitty thing to do. You don’t talk about people you loved like that. Not if you really loved them. Because if you and your new girl or whatever are gonna gang up on her that’s fucked. So I’m gonna step in. As for Pat? He’s always been a very…free-spirited person with his affections. That was never gonna change. So…I sincerely hope he can find some form of happiness,” the girl said easily, the words falling off her tongue while she continued rubbing your back.

The conversation portion with the whole cohort of participants felt fucking endless considering you knew it would take up less than ten minutes of an episode. But, eventually, it mercifully was coming to an end. You could tell Jeff was winding it down, wrapping it up, and ready to move on. But, then he hit you with a curve ball.

“Now, for the true purpose of today: communication. You’ve all matched up for this week. You and your potential match are going to sit and spend two hours with your exes. You’re all going to have a conversation getting to know each other,” Jeff said. “Spend some time actually getting to know each other. Talk about the problems that you had in your failed relationships. Talk about the things that worked. The things that you admired.” He gestured towards Rafe. “Or the things that you feel made the relationship a mistake. This is going to be a game changer in terms of figuring out if you’re a perfect match or not. We only have two couples that you haven’t locked in yet. Just two couples you assume are perfect matches, and even them we don’t know. So? Pay attention. This could be one of the last obstacles between you and one million dollars. After that? You’ll spend an hour talking to your ex. Alone. Try to have a meaningful conversation. Then? You’re going to spend the night, all of you, all of your exes, partying poolside. Take the time then to talk to other exes of people who might otherwise be your perfect match. Make it a good night.”

Your blood felt like it had turned to ice in your veins. You had to spend an hour talking to her and to him. Well, at least you’d have Alex with you, you supposed. But, it still was terrible. This felt, frankly, like a heinous punishment that you didn’t deserve. You forced yourself to appear unmoved.

“I know we’re all excited,” Jeff said. He clapped his hands. “So let’s do this. Let’s split you all up.”

The director called cut then, and the atmosphere changed. Only slightly. The participants all relaxed marginally, posture loosening. But, the exes all remained tense. Valeria rubbed your shoulders next to you. “You okay?” she asked. “That was shitty to say.”

“I’m good,” you said, nodding. You gave her a weak smile. “Thank you though. It was super nice of you. I appreciate it.”

She nodded. “I meant what I said. No one deserves that,” she said. “Good luck with your conversations. They both seem real fucking peachy keen to be around.”

You bit back a laugh but Alex, evidently listening, didn’t bother. He laughed openly. “Yeah. Definitely gonna be a fun few hours for us for sure,” he agreed. He winked at you then. “Promise I’ll try to not fight your boy, gorgeous. But if he runs his mouth like that, I’m gonna shut him up.” He playfully tapped your chin, tilting your head up for a second. “And do shut Thalia’s shit down. She has no right to be talking. And I know she’ll just be running her fucking mouth.” You nodded jerkily, not wanting to even comment on it.

Eventually, you were all ripped apart. You were given a brief rundown of the hour and how long you’d actually have cameras on you, where they’d be, hard conversational limits, and everything in between. They set it up so that you’d be in a room with only cameras set up, not operated by cameramen. It would just be you four. God fucking help you all.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Alex said, trying to offer some form of comfort, his hands folded across his chest as he sat back on one of the couches. Rafe and Thalia were about to be brought in and you both were stressed in different ways. And all you could think about was the cameras set up around the room, recording every last piece of this.

You simply nodded, unable to speak. You felt in your bones that this was going to be absolutely fucking awful. But you’d play nice. You’d pretend you didn’t want to scream. You were surprised, however, when Thalia and Rafe entered the room. Thalia walked in, with a smile on her face, and plopped down on the couch across from Alex and you, throwing her feet up with ease. Rafe followed behind, sitting next to her, letting her practically lay over him.

It was gonna be a long fucking two hours.

An even longer night after that.

Fuck, this was a mistake.

“What the fuck are you two doing here?” she demanded.

You didn’t even flinch at her harsh tone. You were working extraordinarily hard to not react with malice to her stupid words or her earlier actions. It was honestly hard. The silence on your part seemed to only serve to anger her more. You didn’t react to her anger and instead stared blankly at her. Alex, next to you, clenched and released his jaw, openly rolling his eyes at her.

“You really don’t get what’s going on here, do you?” she asked rudely. Still, you offered no response and she shook her head disdainfully at you and Alex. “I really don’t care what you and Rafe are or what you do today. You don’t mean shit to me. And at the end of the day? I know where his priorities are now. One day wouldn’t change that.” You tilted your head, still looking at her as if watching paint dry. “You’re not gonna fuck up a million dollars for the people in this house.”

Unable to help it, Alex barked out a laugh. “Fuck, they get Jeff in as a host and suddenly you think this shit actually is Survivor, huh? Fucking crazy,” he said, rolling his eyes. “None of the exes give a fuck about the people you’re with. Or your stupid ass game or any of you, actually.”

Thalia smirked at that. Your hands twitched with the urge to strike her, but you stifled it. “Oh, I definitely believe that,” she cooed, mocking.

“Thals,” Rafe said, sounding tired.

“Baby,” she said immediately, voice fake and innocent. You wanted to scream. Rafe said nothing further. Thalia set her eyes on you then. Her eyes were hard and calculating. “You especially. No one wants you here.”

You leaned back, folding your legs in front of yourself. You crossed your arms and drummed your fingers against your arm. “In what world do you think that I care what you want?” you asked dryly.

Thalia scoffed. “You’re such a cold, heartless, inconsiderate bitch,” she spat.

“Wow, those words mean so much from someone who doesn’t know me at all,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Aren’t you supposed to be filling some stupid little challenge now so you can try to get a million dollars for everyone in this house who probably doesn’t need it?”

“You’re just mad that you,” she tried.

“That’s where I’ll stop you,” you drawled, leaning sharply forward. “Shut the fuck up. You sure run your mouth a lot for someone who I am sure is just desperate to be painted as a victim when the editors go through and make their little arts and crafts project with their footage. And that’s all fine and well and good. Really, sweetie, oh I’ll be rooting for you. I will. But, here’s the thing. My emotions? My life? All that? Not for fucking you. And not for a fucking camera.” You gave her a cold smirk, leaning back again. “Far be it from me to make your boyfriend’s mistake worse, right? So you keep your fucking hands to yourself and you stop running your mouth like you’re hard and we won’t have a fucking problem tonight. Then? We never have to see each other again.”

“This is so fucked,” Alex said. He cleared his throat, eyes leveling on Rafe, interrupting the conversation between you and Thalia. “So, you a cheater too just like her, bro? Or are you just gonna be the next guy she tosses aside?”

Rafe’s jaw clenched. “Don’t fucking talk to me,” he warned.

Alex cut his eyes over to you. “See that’s why I said I’d drag your fucking ex, gorgeous. Because this guy? Something ‘bout his face just…pisses me the fuck off.”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Thalia snapped.

“Thalia,” Rafe said, voice sharp. “Don’t make this harder.”

“Oh?” Thalia demanded, rounding on him. “Is this hard for you?” She was sneering at him now in a way that set your teeth on edge. Something about the way she spoke to him reminded you of Rafe’s dad. And suddenly this match made you feel physically ill in a completely different way than it had before. You looked away, hand clenching around your knees. “Well, I’m just so sorry about that, Rafe. How dare I have emotions! I really must be the issue, huh!”

You glanced over at Alex. “She talk to you like that a lot?” you asked him bluntly.

“She don’t know how to talk without being a bitch,” Alex said icily. “And evidently that hasn’t changed.” You bit your tongue to keep from saying well then neither has Rafe’s self-esteem or trauma responses. Alex snapped his head back over to the other pair. “Hey, good to know you haven’t learned how to talk to someone else if you’re so highly evolved Thalia.”

That, for whatever reason, seemed to set off the volatile girl more than she already had been. She looked about ready to launch herself at Alex. Seeming to recognize this, Rafe grabbed her arm gently as if to refocus her. It was something that he’d done to you a fair few times when you’d been together and someone had done something particularly aggravating and you needed to calm down. This proved to be a…bad move. Thalia did indeed refocus. All of her rage onto Rafe, that is. The second that you saw her slap him, though? It was your turn to see white.

You weren’t fully connected to your body as you moved, reacting to the sight. You were on your feet, physically dragging her by her stupidly long hair off of Rafe and throwing her away from him. She seemed stunned that you’d done that. She then seemed pissed you’d done that. So, naturally, her stupid self tried to rush you. Again, you pushed her back, getting closer and closer to being willing to actually hurt her.

“You wanna fucking run that again, princess?” you demanded icily. “Try to hit me, bitch. I’ll fucking hit back I promise you that.” You got closer, glowering at her, practically eye to eye. “You been fucking throwing hands at him? I know that wasn’t the first fucking time? You get off on this shit?” It had been easy to spot the punch she tried to throw. It was even easier still to deflect the punch shoving her far harder. “Try that again and I’m gonna fucking lay your ass out so help me fucking God.”

“Thalia.”

This time the word came from Alex. The word was flat and unimpressed. A quick glance over at him showed a largely disappointed look on his face. And somehow, seeing that seemed to be enough to force Thalia to get a fucking grip. She stopped, slumping back and sulked, walking over to sit down next to Alex. You watched, genuinely disgusted, as she laid her head against Alex’s shoulder and he let her. And when she burst into ugly, blubbering tears you weren’t surprised, but you were angry.

You clenched and unclenched your first three times trying to will yourself to relax some. But, nothing was working. You took a deep breath once…another…another…and another ten times still before you were able to look over at Rafe. He sat there, face pale and eyes cast down. You moved on auto-pilot, the kind of thing that used to be second nature and innate but now felt more…disjointed…forced. You laid your hand softly on his wrist so he’d notice it before moving your hand up to his shoulder. You squeezed it in a pattern of three and his head slowly moved up. He looked at you, dazed and you didn’t know if you were more angry or sad for him, really.

“Stand up,” you said quietly. He looked confused. You clarified. “You’re not staying in this room with that fucking lunatic. And Rafe…I swear to God don’t fucking argue with me on that. You’re lucky I didn’t break her fucking nose. Let’s go.”

Seemingly in a daze, he rose. You cast a look over towards Alex as Rafe followed like a shadow over to the door. You glared at the other man and he gave a half-hearted frown of apology as if he’d expected something like this to happen. That didn’t make anything better. So, you simply shook your head and turned again. You yanked the door open and let Rafe walk out first, face still drawn. You shut the door quietly behind yourself and laid your hand gently on his bicep before gesturing him down the hall. We found not a producer or even an assistant first but instead, Jeff fucking Probst who looked startled to see us.

“You’re supposed to be,” he began.

“I’m supposed to be beating a bitch’s ass for putting her fucking hands on him like some little—” you cut yourself off. You cleared your throat. “Sorry. Forgive me. Thalia fucking hit him. Doesn’t seem like it’s the first time. So if I were you? I’d go ahead and get her the fuck out of here before I call my dad who works in entertainment law and let him tear this piss-poor production apart. And feel free to tell production I said that.”

Jeff winced. “I understand,” he said. He looked at Rafe. “I’m…I’m terribly sorry that happened. That hasn’t happened before as far as I’ve been told. There are mental health staff in the bungalow attached to the house. Go there. I’ll explain everything. Some people will stop by to talk later though, I’m sure.”

“Good,” you replied sharply in place of Rafe who still wasn’t speaking.

Following Jeff’s advice, you shepherded Rafe towards that bungalow where a kind woman gestured you two in before leaving to go get some…paperwork? Who the fuck knew? Who the fuck cared? You looked over at Rafe who was still silent, face pinched. It wasn’t hard to see his leg slightly shaking and the jittering of his hands.

“I hate knowing that wasn’t the first time and that you’d deny it to protect her,” you said bitterly. “Rafe you don’t know her. And you deserve better than that. Just like you always have.”

“I don’t,” he said, his voice coming out short and quiet. “I don’t deserve anything good.”

You pursed your lips and shook your head. “Thought we’d moved past the self-deprecating bullshit,” you commented. “My mistake.” You sighed. “Rafe…your family and friends all love you still. Even now. So don’t waste…your heart on shit like this. Fuck this show. You can afford to break whatever contract you had. Hell, my dad could find a loophole and sue for you I guarantee it. But you…you can’t stay here. You…you deserve good things. And that? That…person...who they’re trying to call your perfect match?” He stayed silent. “You got matched with her because fundamentally you still find yourself in the same place that your dad wanted you to be. You think that you owe everything to everyone else and don’t want to take responsibility or…ownership over anything. For fuck’s sake, Rafe. Do you really want her to be your spokesperson? You want anyone like her to be your spokesperson?” You shook your head vehemently. “You are so much better than that. I don’t…I don’t know if you can see it. I don’t care if you can see it. But it’s true. You threw away a year of sobriety and years of building real self-confidence and not your fake bravado bullshit for this?”

“No you don’t understand,” Rafe said. “I am sober. And I didn’t want–”

The door to the bungalow opened and the woman bustled in, hands absolutely full of stuff. You rose to your feet before the woman even had to open her mouth to tell you to leave. “Cast only,” she said anyway, uselessly.

“Yeah, right,” you said dryly.

“Wait…where are you going?” Rafe asked, face breaking open into vulnerability for a moment.

“Home,” you said shortly. “Worst vacation…ever.” He looked hopelessly confused at that news. “You should call my dad, Rafe. Like now. You are not supposed to go through this shit alone. You know he’ll help you. You have his number.”

“I can’t…they…I don’t have my phone,” Rafe muttered, looking away from you.

Your eyes darkened. “Fuck’s sake these people,” you muttered. You took your phone from your pocket and called your dad before the woman across you could say a word. You gave your dad a curt explanation and he said he’d be in Hawaii in ten hours before briefly chewing you out for not saying where you were going beforehand.

“You can’t leave,” the woman said. “We need to—”

“Don’t care, didn’t ask, go through my fucking lawyer,” you said sharply, handing her your father’s business card. You glanced at Rafe. “He’ll be here in ten hours. Most likely super pissed. So…he’ll raise hell for you.”

“Are you…” Rafe trailed off. You raised an eyebrow. “Will you…stay?”

Your heart shattered and healed and shattered again in an ugly, impossible sort of way. “I…” you tried, trailing off immediately. “You…” Still no luck. Eventually, you were able to settle on, “I need to leave. I need to go home. I…I can’t fucking be here. I can’t see…this. I can’t hear…whatever you’re gonna tell my dad. I can’t see whatever footage he’s gonna have them dredge up. I need to go. Home.” You looked at him, letting out a shaky breath. “And you should consider doing the same thing. As soon as humanly possible.”

Your name spilled from his lips and it sounded so right and so wrong in that moment. “I…I’m…” he tried, voice breaking.

“No,” you denied, giving him a bitter smile. “Don’t. I don’t…I don’t want to hear it, Rafe. I really don’t. I wasn’t going to see someone hurt you. I never have. I never will. But facts are facts right?” His face fell, knowing what you meant. “And I’m a mistake. Let’s not drag it out any longer, right?” You shook your head. “Good luck, Rafe. I…wish nothing but the best for you.”

“I didn’t…” Rafe tried. “I can explain.”

“No,” you denied, holding a hand up. “I can’t do this. Not here. Not now. I’m…done with this. With all of this. Truly.” You let out a devastated-sounding, sad sort of sigh and offered an obviously fake tiny smile. “Just let me know when my dad gets here—you know he’ll forget to.” He went to speak and you held up a hand. “He’ll get your phone back if these psychos don’t give it to you by then.”

“I will,” he said immediately in reply, a sad, almost puppy-dog-like look in his eyes.

You sighed, biting back the urge to cry or scream…or anything else really. “You know what? Never mind. Call Topper. I…just…just let him know. He’ll tell me,” you said, voice going numb.

“Wait,” Rafe said, his voice shaky. “I…I want to tell you.”

“Rafe…please,” you said, giving him your best pleading look and more than willing to beg him if it meant he’d give you a break.

“I…okay. I…I’m sorry,” he said, frowning, looking genuinely remorseful.

As you started to leave, rage somehow carrying you as the influx of adrenaline faded, your name fell from Rafe’s mouth once more. You turned your head to look at him, silent and waiting. It took a few moments for him to crack. The time lingered, settling into crevices of yourself that long seemed gone—abandoned and disappeared with Rafe’s own missing presence. Yes, this was too hard already and the situation had just made it impossible.

“Get home safe,” he said, his voice breaking.

You let out a bitter laugh turning back around and heading out, refusing to turn your head. You knew that if you were to look back you’d cave immediately. And you couldn’t do that.

“You too, Rafe,” you offered blandly.

[nighhtwing]

Hello hiii what are your thoughts on batman beyond? (either the premise of Old Man Bruce Being All Alone or the show itself)

full disclosure: i only watched a few episodes of batman beyond and read a few comics because baby me 1. realized that the show was not, in fact, just a normal bruce wayne/batman show just set in a futuristic gotham and 2. by the time i submerged myself back into dc, the concept of Old Man Bruce Being All Alone did not spark anything in me in the slightest but i watched the bits for brutalia crumbs (i am who i am <3)

sooooooooo because i have no real stake in this i'll just talk about Bruce Being Alone and . . . the thing is, for me, that concept has been overdone. bruce went through too many years of that lone crusader shtick—70s batman is the bedrock for most modern batman cinema: he's alone, he's going back to his roots, he's gritty and sad and "realistic"—and i don't really care for it. i mean, i love seeing an up-and-coming batman fumble his way into heroism don't get me wrong, but bruce as bruce has lived for so long as a Father and Hero (sometimes those words intertwine, sometimes they don't) that him being alone especially when he's older is honestly a little antithetical to what i perceive to be his character.

like the circumstances for bruce being alone when he's older might change my opinion though. like maybe all his kids died and he's sequestered away in the cave away from his friends in grief or something along those lines. that would go fucking crazyyyyyy conceptually, but bruce having strained relationships (probably due to his own flaws or what have you) and having it be, ultimately, his choice to be alone? not for me personally! every kid he takes under his wing changes him. bruce wayne as he was when he was just becoming batman is not the same man he would've been at eighty and retired yk?

anyway, i am an optimist about batman at my core tbh. i don't believe that after everything he would choose to be alone. grief changed him at the age of eight to the vigilante he was in his twenties and love changed him the moment he became a Father / Hero <3

[campgender]

Hiiiii I'm interested to hear what quotes/song lyrics/etc are resonating with you right now? I *love* seeing your 'bookshelf' quotes and how you interweave different contexts together!!

Also! Have you read In The Dream House? & if so, I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on it...!

omg thank you so much!! 🥺❣️ oohh what a great question, you always ask me such thoughtful & insightful things! 🫶💓 this got long so i’m gonna talk about In the Dream House in a different post :)

i’ve been super into Neon Trees’ latest album, Sink Your Teeth, lately— the lead singer, Tyler Glenn, is an ex-Mormon & he is so immeasurably talented at synthesizing themes of abusive religions & relationships.

i’ve been thinking a lot in particular about how “Leave,” while ostensibly about a breakup, so powerfully encapsulates my experiences of leaving the evangelical church — a few months ago i saw a tumblr post where someone edited the “if shit sucks hit the bricks” meme to say “if shit sucks hit the books” because they ‘wanted to make a more positive version’ & that honestly broke my heart bc messaging that You Can Leave is so fucking vital & transformative!!

when i was 18 i Left without any announcement or communication; i did the best i could to simply drop off the face of the earth, because my self-preservation was so new & fragile that it would’ve completely withered under anybody’s argument or affection. i carried so much immense guilt over that for the better part of eight fucking years, even as i started to recognize how limited my options had been, until i listened to this episode of Mormon.ish where Jeff Hofheins discussed how he managed to escape his role as facilitator of a chapter of the LDS Church’s abusive 12-step programs: he didn’t text anyone to say he’d be taking a break, he didn’t organize a substitute or replacement, he just stopped coming.

i absolutely wept listening to that as i realized that i supported him. i thought he’d made maybe not the only possible right decision in that kind of situation, but a right decision. yes, other people feel pain when we disappear without warning, but that is the fault & responsibility of the abusive system; it can be a tragedy without being something i’ve done — things i’d started to think over the past few years but hadn’t thought i’d be able to believe.

i really love the echo of Tyler’s voice during the bridge: What are we fighting for anymore? It sounds like a long time coming. We'll always be in frenzy, but it's time to leave like we mean it. even if it’s gonna suck after, that’s okay, that doesn’t have to be a reason not to leave. fuck all our achievements! no matter what good you might’ve had or done in the church, you can still go.

Leave like you mean it / Say that you won't, then I will

Leave like you mean it / Burn down the house that we built

Let's make the end of our time / Like the 4th of July

Fuck all our achievements / Leave like you mean it

[mlsofh]

Theory Three -  Hells war with Heaven

Hello Wayward Sinners! I am here with a theory today about what will happen to the Hazbin Hotel by the end of season one. I have lots of rising suspicions from the entire trailer, so let’s take a look at it all. Just a reminder I have no idea what’s going to happen. I’m taking what I know about modern media and my analysis skills to try and piece together what will happen. I’m happy to be surprised by the Hazbin Hotel staff and everything they’ve created so far. Now, onto theories. My first overarching theory is that the Hotel will become a safe haven for sinners if they want to change. Instead of Charlie trying to get everyone to heaven, she’s going to see heaven doesn’t care about her or the citizens of hell. That’s probably what is going to cause her to bond with her father and get people more on her side. That’s how she convinces him to go to war with heaven. In the ending trailer song, Charlie states how the angels are a deadly threat, and the ensemble says, “We cannot take it anymore, the time has come to go to war.” Suggesting Hell is tired of Heaven’s exterminations. This probably implies that Charlie will have touched Hell’s hearts rather than Heavens. Hell will help Charlie in a way. Heaven I think is going to hire people in Hell to do some dirty work to get the hotel destroyed(See the trading cards.) Thus, why Alastor helps protect it. Also, Vaggie is a little too similar color palette wise to not be related to exterminators and she probably has an idea of what’s going to happen. Sure, Adam could just tell hell “Hey fuck you all we’re doing another extermination because your princess was too pushy” but that wouldn’t be satisfying. I have a feeling that’s why Emily is a character: a connection to Heaven through Vaggie. Emily looks related to Sera (Freckles, heavenly, similar if not same color palette) but Emily looks very warm and friendly on her trading card, which is probably intentional. She looks like a character who’d betray Heaven in order to help Hell. Emily probably sees something in the hotel. Probably even sees something in Charlie. Trying to convince Adam or Seras to give them a chance. I could see this going very poorly in Charlies favor. The war between heaven and hell is what will cause the hotel to be destroyed, but the sinners realize they don’t have to make hell a terrible place. They see how much hard work the princess put in for them. Thus, the rebuilt, higher quality, hotel being built. A symbolic building of how you can enjoy your afterlife no matter where you go. The start of season two will probably handle what is going to happen now that Hell knows they can fight back (and in fact, almost win) against Heaven. I have a feeling this will be a war more delved into in later seasons. (Just a quick side tangent: the fact that the whole season of Hazbin Hotel is supposedly one year which is mind boggling. That is a whole year in eight episodes. Good Omens did something similar, but that was with almost hour long episodes. If Hazbin hotel’s episodes are a flat thirty minutes or more I’ll just be flabbergasted. Also I don't think anyone in the hotel will be dying until season three.) That's all for now, What do you think? Stay Tuned!

[randybutternubber]

Heyyyyyyy do you have any funny head canons on the children :-9 if they squabble and stuff in your opinion. Give me the sillies !!!!! (I do too but I wanna hear urs)

YOU HAVE OPENED THE GATES OF HELL PREPARE FOR MY BORDERLINE SEVEN PAGE ESSAY ON THESE RANDOM FUCKING CHILDREN

I decided to do the ones that get less attention in general, especially since I have the most thoughts on them

HCs under cut because I may have gone overboard with the length

Ghost kid

Best friends with a batmin ball that had a very poorly drawn face on it from the age of six to eight.

Sebbo (spoon girl) buried the batmin ball using a spoon as a shovel after it got neutered by the barber (he thought it was a bug and shat his pants)

Not a native of the nowhere and was taken to the nowhere on Halloween, hence the ghost costume

Lost their arm pretty quickly after being taken to the Nowhere. he’s quite a friendly child and is very compassionate towards animals, but unfortunately, this has its downsides as not all animals in the Nowhere want help.

Friends with Sebbo

Has been squatting in houses since day 1 of living in the Nowhere and has no plans to stop

Would go CRAZY for squishmallows

Doesn’t have well formed empathy/sympathy for humans but is super compassionate towards animals

Zero concept of gender and doesn’t care what you call them, he just want to pet your dog

Nonverbal but has very expressive body language

Spoon girl

Her name is sebbo (based off of game files)

She sneezes like a middle aged divorced golf dad and due to her nose bleed these sneezes are NOT victimless

LEGENDARY rage tantrums

Literally only wants to watch gen 1 my little pony, Formula One, or a very specific documentary about some random Swedish sheep wool factory

Swedish

If you compare her to pippy longstockings you will end up needing to go to urgent care for a rabies shot

Calls ghost kid Ande (sounds like Andeh) which means spirit in Swedish. (His file name is actually spöke for anyone wondering, which also means ghost/spirit in Swedish. The only reason I’m not giving him the Sebbo naming treatment is that spöke absolutely does not sound like it’s spelled (sounds like Spurkeh) and Ande actually sounds like a name. I’m a quarter swedish and have a very Swedish family on my white side so I got the most incomprehensible Swedish lessons in the car ever, so please don’t roast me in the reblogs if I got this wrong, I remember like five words and this is one of them, same thing with Korean😭

Living embodiment of “ANDE WE’RE 10 NOW, WE SAY CRAP, NOT POOP”

Broke one of her legs at some point in the Nowhere and ended up in the hospital (HC based off of concept art where she was in a wheelchair and using crutches)

Has severe trauma revolving around doctors and medical stuff

Has never seen another ginger in her entire life but will fight to be the alpha

Warrior cats kid

Expert at digging and climbing out of holes, THE CHILDREN YEARN FOR THE MINES!!!

Rusty

Has a cleft lip

This isn’t a HC but something that not a lot of people realize; he has a lisp

Only reason I’m not drawing him as ginger because of his name is because I also designed Noone as ginger and he lost in a 1v1 to a rabid cabbage patch kid. He’s been through enough

He’s around 14

Very lithe

Despite being a trapeze and tightrope performer, he is TERRIFIED of heights, making his experience at the circus even worse

The dummy has been malding over Rusty for a ridiculously long period of timeand bro had no fucking idea and nobody even knows the reason why 💀

Also a warrior cats kid but kept in on the downlow. Yes he did name himself Rusty after firestar but if you tell anyone he will cry

Noone

A nice kid but will deadass ask some of the most insensitive questions and has NO idea. Also verbally cooked a middle aged man and spent like a whole episode sassing him so she can definitely be mean if she wants to

Also has really severe medical trauma along with trauma from being paraded around on TV because she was the first person to be cured of whatever the shit water sickness is

Her real name was Ruth, but once she started forgetting her parents (they basically ditched her anyways 😭) she started just using Noone as her real name

Master of inappropriately prolonged periods of intense eye contact

Really dislikes/is afraid of dolls/dummies because of what happened to Rusty/in JuJubee’s toyshop

Very untrusting of people post Nowhere abduction because of how Otto treated her and because of the ferryman. Plus basically every kid she met in TSON was met with a terrible fate (Goo kid is probably alive but she doesn’t know that)

Autism (all these children got some sort of neurodivergence though, I mean just look at them)

WORST BACKSEAT DRIVER EVER (ASKED TO LEAVE THE ROWBOAT)

Has a few scars on her face from her right before she had a seizure when getting clockwork oranged. She tried to take the mri suction thingies off her head but she ended up scratching up her face in her panic

[trlvsn]

Please I would love to hear more umineko thoughts from you

oh my god you should NOT have asked. i'm on episode eight but i have so many. do NOT read this if you haven't read umineko, you HAVE to go through the experience completely unspoiled. tw: incest, christianity, death, but none in a positive light

my most recent thoughts have been provoked by the riddles in episode 8 and how kyrie and rudolf had just told eva they do not fault her for any harm she caused ange. it strikes you as odd at first, because they would never say that, but then you realize two things: this is very similar to the golden land and this is battler's chessboard. battler already knows about sayo and what she wanted from his as beatrice, what she wanted from everyone as beatrice: recognition. she is a girl who used to follow god's tests so blindly and has sinned so badly. she wants people to see her innocence, know of the sins that harmed her, forgive the sins that she caused herself. that is, at the end of the day, what everyone wants, and battler is treating everyone like it, in honor of beatrice. this is a very difficult topic for me to see in media. the idea that every person, no matter how horrible their actions and nature, has a heart and wants forgiveness, is something i can't accept because i, too, am human. what would i be if i forgave and understood everyone? what would i be without hate and revenge and a personal view on things? if i accepted everyone's truths, there would be nothing of myself left. but the idea is true, and i have to know it deep down, tame it carefully.

my thoughts overall, though? i could never put them in one single post. this novel is amazing in many ways - it's a love letter to an entire library of books, it's a love letter to love, but there is also no good love in this story. there is fake love, true love, great love, but there is no love that is good, normal, because the ushiromiya family didn't have it in the first place. kinzo built this family on blood-stained gold and adultery. this family is like a locked room itself in many ways (god, they even represent it with the incest), and nothing good ever happens in a locked room. while i haven't yet reached the end of episode 8, i hope they all die. i hope ange never really survived the fall from the building, actually. i hope it ends, i hope the room exploded and there is nothing left of the ushiromiya family now, not of the gold, not of the love, not of the anything. it probably won't be like that, though. bern promised there wouldn't be a happy ending.

sayo's story is the greatest story i have ever seen a character have, no joke. "greatest" as in enormous in it's tragedy and richness, an endless universe collapsing in on itself because it can't, of course, exist with just one person. of course she did everything wrong, nothing right has ever been in her nature.

i also loved the biblical symbolism, of course. how could i not. the figure of god specifically is something so subtle i almost missed it, but at the end of the day, three girls share that imaginary friend - sayo, maria and dlanor. for all three, it's their father/authority figure/commander in different ways. sayo ends up burning kinzo again and again, commiting rightful patricide, and also essentially rebels against god by giving up on his test and befriending demons. it's a nice touch. i have my own issues with the demon summoning (i dabbled in the occult long before playing umineko) but it's just a technicality.

anyways, serious stuff aside - loved the toxic yuri, loved the fuckedupedness of it all, loved the fact that the narrators are NEVER reliable and you shouldn't listen to the game, like, at all, but also you should. i was frequently theorizing about the origins of beatrice during my playthrough and talked to my friend about it, who had already finished umineko long ago. at a point of episode... 6? 5? i basically said "fuck this, i'm not even going to try. shannon is beatrice, shannon is part of beatrice, kannon is beatrice, fucking everyone is beatrice. i give up" and it was really hard for him to, like, be normal. thank you [REDACTED] for not spoiling anything. i am on my way to finish episode 8 and obsess about the music forever.

[thewingedwolf]

wait i’m gonna be so annoying and have a final thoughts here

the aesthetic & main romance has just really fallen off. they are incapable of sticking the landing in the third act & while they still have some good looks, i think there’s a certain level of playing it too safe (see Kate’s wardrobe!!!!!) and also just, bizarre makeup choices that were a bit distracting.

they also just don’t know how to keep a character waiting for their romance while building that character up over several arcs. kind of a bad trait to have for a tv show?? 😭😭 like, i love them with all my heart, but everyone has said that eloise, benedict, & colin have felt so confused at points as characters, like the writers didn’t know where to go with them. they’re just waiting for their romance instead of like, growing.

Colin was the male lead what do we even know about him beyond his inability to interact with a woman without projecting onto her.

once again the milfs outsold, agatha and violet are the best thing about this series and i don’t care how much i like violet’s lil thing with agatha’s brother, i want those two gossipy old milfs to kiss sloppy style.

it’s too goddamn short, i think this wasn’t a problem in s1 or qc bc it’s the First season so there’s not as many characters to follow but they keep introducing all these other characters that take space away from a) The Main Couple and b) The Bridgertons As A Family, and those are the draws of the series!! it’s too much for only 8 episodes, what happened to 12-18 episodes for high budget or cable shows, if they had these people on like Normal tv contracts they wouldn’t have such a hard time scheduling and have these long ass waits between seasons Either, im tired of this and i blame the duffer brothers and i want those two nerds hunted for sport.

also hyacinth and gregory are getting SO OLD OMG HURRY UP 😭😭😭

i think they did a better job this season with folding the siblings in together but it feels disjointed from s2. anthony & kate specifically feel very oddly thrown in there and idgi. i loved seeing the bridgertons using calling times as an excuse for Group Hangs, and i loved the way John pointed this out to Francesca. i liked that the ending with benedict where he’s realizing he’s the oldest still left at home with two like, toddler siblings and feeling unhappy with it, but bc they struggle with incorporating all the siblings together, we really lose that thread from last season between him & anthony that could have given benedict a way to explore his sexuality in a slutty way while also giving anthony something to do & not drop the art school thing. however, this is all detailed and would take a lot of time and they only have eight episodes. why. do 13-18 or im gonna start sending death threats to ceos. for legal reasons that’s a joke haha.

i do think in the few kathony scenes we got, they nailed the dynamic that she is the world’s most put upon eldest daughterson and he needs to be institutionalized. pls put jonathan bailey and simone ashley in another thing together so i can see them together again. this can’t be the end. be the next tom hanks and meg ryan please. he george clooney and julia roberts. i’m on my knees here.

am i allowed to say i’m glad we got a long devirginizing scene like in s1 & qc but also we did not see Nearly enough of those two fucking. more than kathony but imo still not on the level of the other two. also you could write an essay here about the sex politics of this show. i will refrain and say Is This Not The Pervert’s Show?? Can we Please get better pandering????

i think no one can handle a big cast like shonda not even her hand picked teams. qc handled having a host of characters so much better. early grey’s is really great at this. htgawm is good at this. u can tell what season she was really In That Writer’s Room. shonda pls get back in the writer’s room i need something as emotionally devastating as “meredith i’m so sorry” “you must be the woman whose screwing my husband” i need sexy like the “teach me” scene but with the freedom of streaming to get freaky with it, this cast WANTS to deliver but netflix & these writers are NOT up to the challenge!!!

i love bi benedict. even if nothing else comes of this i didn’t think they’d genuinely have benedict get intimate with and acknowledge being attracted to a man. genuinely really jazzed about that. but they Have said they want to explore his ~fluidity more and there’s so many scenarios that could be, i have no idea what the hell they mean by that askksjd. crossdressing sophie, genderbent to solomon, a trans sophie/solomon of some persuasion, im excited to see where they go!

BI FRANCESCA. MICHAELA STIRLING. PEOPLE ARE HATING BUT YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION. esp bc you could do a michaela that has like, resigned herself to a life of never feeling love only to fall in love At Her Cousin’s Wedding so well with this. these three, michaela francesca john, are gonna break my HEART i’m READY for it!

i want the resolution to one of the gay couples to include brimsley & reynolds encouraging charlotte to cure society of homophobia somehow. if we can do this with racism we can do it with homophobia. why the hell not.

listen to me. listen closely. are you listening. if we don’t get lesbian eloise what are we even fucking doing here. enough fucking around. give me a real sign this is all going somewhere. i am no longer asking.

[jumpscaregoose]

hello wonderful mutual, may i inquire what shaman king is?

you've triggered an unskippable cutscene be prepared. was it me calling hana kentacoded that did it for you

shaman king is uh... certainly something

editor's note I go on about the history of the shaman king media franchise for like. way too long and I'm not deleting it so. plot summary starts after the flowers anime image

it started out as a shonen adventure manga created by a mangaka named hiroyuki takei which ran from 1998 to 2004, where it somehow Ate Shit And Died, leaving the manga ending unfinished somehow (idk I wasn't there)

it got its first anime adaptation in 2001

this anime had 64 episodes and covered a complete story. hey goose but if it aired in 2001 and the manga ate shit in 2004 how did they- they didn't. they made shit up. remember kanata dying on the cross? take that extend it to cover half the story and make it FUCKING AWESOME

shaman king 2001 has this impeccable Vibe to it that I really love (the only other thing I can think of with similar impeccable Vibes is sk8). a lot of fans prefer this anime to the manga and I can't blame them it sure has its perks. it also has its downsides. which is mostly terrible dated character designs and diverging from the manga if you're not into that.

I love this show though this is what I rewatch when I want any old shaman king in my spare time

but what's this? a whisper on the wind? that's right baby

SHAMAN KING KANZENBAN MANGA

that's right- between 2008 and 2009 the entire manga was reprinted to get its "true ending", including redraws of some panels

later in 2012 BAM SHAMAN KING FLOWERS

yes there's a full mainline sequel. flowers itself ended in 2014 when the magazine it was in Ate Shit and Died. the story was continued in another manga, The Super Star, before last year the magazine publishing TSS, say it with me now,

Ate Shit and Died (yeah Takei has real bad luck with that)

and then, just a few years ago...

BAM SHAMAN KING 2021 REBOOT ANIME

finally, an anime adaptation of the kanzenban manga, true ending including... this is where I show up. finally! I needed something to watch on a long car ride in august 2021 and happened to download the first eight episodes on netflix, a decision which would have no repercussions on my life philosophies or me as a person (lies)

there are pretty mixed feelings about this anime overall (the pacing goes fucking BRRRRRRR that's for sure) but I can credit that thing with getting me into shaman king and restructuring my brain so it has a special place in my heart

(it's also what I first get people to watch when they agree to shaman king with me. you should really read kanzenban instead because it's better)

lastly there's the flowers anime airing right now

(yay excitingggggg)

and like. soooooo many more sequel prequel and spinoff manga. and also all of takei's works (I'm planning to read ultimo soon because someone said that's where the spirit based on the vermilion bird came from and that has a common ancestor with allen sugasano so I'm going) oh shit and funkuro/funbari chronicles the mobile game that is either closed or on its way out. and so much more

I'm not going to explain every one of them because I realized you probably wanted. a plot summary. so

copy pasted from my mankin slideshow:

"laid-back Asakura Yoh is a shaman, someone with a connection to the afterlife. He participates in the Shaman Fight, a tournament to determine the next god. Hao, a mysterious and overwhelmingly strong shaman, wants to use the powers gained from becoming a god to wipe out humanity. Shenanigans ensue across multiple continents and the boundaries of life and death."

like I said before it's a shonen adventure manga so it follows a lot of tropes, but I think it does them pretty well and in its own way. if you read through the entire mainline manga (kanzenban, flowers, and tss) it's clear takei has a lot to say through his work and he's pretty explicit about his view of the world (shoutout to evil triangle who invented capitalism)

takei's writing and research can be kinda iffy at times and I would never say his work is for everyone but I love it to bits and it has really helped me out over the years

my personal favourite pieces of shaman king media (besides kanzenban) are:

Red Crimson (spinoff of the main sequels following an adult legacy cast, brilliant story about love and grief except for the Horrors)

& a Garden (prequel spinoff about the hanagumi witches, side characters from the first manga)

2001 anime (explained this one already)

if this has interested you go read the kanzenban manga and then come back for sequel recommendations

need more information? I got you

my beginner's shaman king slideshow (if you're reading this within an hour of posting you might see me updating it dw about that)

the patch cafe fansite which has up to date news about the entire series

there's also the funbari hill discord's tumblr account, which reblogs a lot of great shaman king stuff. everyone there is lovely and it's a great community (it's actually run by a mutual of mine hi frost 👋)

I ALMOST FORGOT THE SEQUELS FANSITE WHOOPS (run by an incredible artist and has some fun information about the sequels)

please tell me if you want clarification or more specifics I'm bad at explaining this concisely

[feral-ass-raccoon]

hey yall rember that one time when i asked if anyone would read a morro lore post???? yeahhhhh uh here's part one (:

OKAY SO long fucking post ahead. really long

morro had originally been a kid on the streets, yeah?? regardless of what happened to his parents [i'd argue that the previous em of wind was his father, who left morro and his mom alone. his mom probably struggled w/ the living situation and eventually abandoned him]

so there's little six year old morro, wandering outside to look for his mama he won't find her. she's gone. and eventually passing out in an alley.

he gets taken in by a couple of older boys [the two kids we see in his backstory episode], who teach him how to survive- things like pickpocketing, stealing, good hiding spots, etc

when they try raiding the monastery, and wu comes out, the two kids run and leave morro behind [but it was for a good reason, right? they'd never leave him, not like she did]. wu notices, offers the kid some food- by now morro'd be about eight- and lets him eat, and as soon as he's done morro runs. this happens a few times, until wu eventually offers morro a place to stay. wary, morro refuses at first- but after being beaten and having the bread he found stolen from him, he makes his way to the monastery and waits. wu realizes he's out there, and lets him in, offering him good and clean clothes.

morro trains at first just to protect himself from others, and partially because it's fun. wu teaches him how to reading write, and morro begins to look up to wu, almost like a father. when morro's about ten, he realizes the wind will sometimes listen to him [this is about when the kite thing happens]. wu, knowing what an elemental master is, starts to teach morro how to control his powers.

[aaaaand now we get to ANGST and totally not me projecting a little bit.]

so morro's been with wu for about ✨️three years✨️, and he's getting good at his lessons. like- really good. at just about anything. so wu thinks to himself, maybe morro is the green ninja. and eventually, two months after that first thought, he tells morro. and morro gets so excited, because he has a destiny. this must be why wu took him in, right? because he's important, because he's meant to be a hero. and that thought fuels him- maybe a little too much. he gets rougher, putting everything he has into training. and when he's not training, he's doing his lessons, long hours into the night spent reading scrolls, doing everything he's been assigned that day.

so, he starts to work himself half to death. ignoring meals, training during his free time, getting too rough with his classmates. [because he's the green ninja, right? he has to be the best, because if he isn’t good enough, then what is he?] wu gets worried. asks him to slow down, take breaks, focus on his health. morro ignores him. so wu decides to get the golden weapons and do the test.... and nothing happens. morro is confused, for a moment, but ge sees the shock and disappointment on wu's face, and he knows. so, to hide his fear, he gets angry. yells at wu, and leaves. he tries so hard, getting almost obsessed with destiny.

and when he still hasn't 'proved himself', he runs. scared that wu will kick him out for failing, afraid of being abandoned again, morro decides to take the first step, and leaves. [he's about fourteen, when he leaves the monastery. he doesn't close the doors, afraid that they'll be too loud.]

[wu doesn't close them either.]