#and then i needed to go home and study-
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oh yeah btw today was the worst day
I had headache, nausea and period cramps all day.
also on my way home from school I stepped in dog shït .. 😭
#and then i needed to go home and study-#oh right I have a dog I needed to go out on a walk with too lol
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Something so ineffable about exhaustion that comes not from a lack of sleep but from a lack of rest
#neeed a day where I’m doing nothing but I don’t think that’s forthcoming#I was out all day + forced myself to hit the gym before coming home and I am TIRED#it took a hot shower to feel my bones. and now I have to study. and then I have somewhere to be tomorrow#and then I go back to the neuro clinic on Monday. which is FUN I love it#but I don’t think I can be fully present in anything if I’m so divided between everything#multitasking is an absolute must but I think downsizing just a little bit will probably mean I get to be a healthier vessel#I just need time to chill in bed and watch silly movies and read books and chart stars and count rocks idk
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this picture isnt real its all happening in twilights head and she's listening ta this as she's having her bi horse fantasies
un blurred below the cut as well as the lineart with flats cuz i want ta show it off sue me
edit: ignore that the images changed slightly i noticed a shading error i missed and it was bothering me 💀
#mlp#twishy#fluttertwi#mlp fim#my little pony#my little pony friendship is magic#fluttershy#twilight sparkle#spacie scribbles#twilight narration voice: ''i have to go...'' id say ''its getting late and i need to put spike to bed''#fluttershy would yawn. a gentle cute noise befitting for such a cute pony before she would turn her head sleepily towards me#she would look at me with her big beautiful eyes and study me for a moment before saying in her sweet soft voice#''are you sure you dont want to stay the night? i would hate for something to happen for you on your walk back home...''#oh fluttershy...always looking out for her friends. such a caring and gentle soul. my heart would swell at the thought although#id hesitate....and in response fluttershy would get closer and gently push her muzzle against mine...#''please twilight...stay the night...''#my heart would be galloping out of my chest as the moon would gently glow through the window#the pale light highlighing all of fluttershy's delicate features#its as if luna herself planted the moon in this specific way...on this specific night... just for us....#spike‚ interrupting the daydream: twilight are you...narrating a self insert you wrote abt you and one of your best friends???#twilight: ....NO. BUT. DONT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS OKAY#spike: oookay! you got it. i wont tell a soul.#*he then tells everyone except fluttershy*#im crazy guys i swear#i just wrote fanfic abt twilight sparkle writing fanfic#she has a fanfic section of the library its all just her x fluttershy#good lord these horses.
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all I want is to sit in a coffee shop and read my book, walk around my favorite bookshops and check out some secondhand shops, then end the day with a movie in a little movie theater
#nat talks#my saturday got empty very suddenly and it's my last fully free weekend without work in a WHILE#BUT I'm behind on studying and I have a seminar next week#so it kinda depends on how much I get done today#but also. I'm SO BAD at leaving the house if I don't need to and also I'm never as good at being alone when I go from home to a solo date#like it works better for me if I've been somewhere beforehand first#so I'm considering maybe doing everything but the movie part on monday#because I have two hours to kill between school ending and my work shift starting#and it's supposed to be sunny while this weekend's supposed to be gloomy#so HONESTLY that sounds much better#but also what if I STILL need to study >:(
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man why had i procrastinated working on comics for so long this shit is so much fun
#this is going to be colored but in a limited palette kind of way. cause i was going through my dylan dog comics and i was like wait...#since when are italian comics this pretty hold on. need to plagiarise these color schemes#so i kind of went on a rabbit hole of cyberstalking italian comic artists and wasted hours of my time#anyways. look at how cute elias's room is. i wanted to include more hobby related things but realistically he has a home gym and study like#i just noticed the phone is too small compared to his hand#wip#also just noticed this was automatically flagged as mature in my drafts and i didnt do it. so strange how this only seems to happen to my#bw sketches?
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Anytime I replay DAI and I get to that first conversation with Vivienne back at Haven, I take a long inhale Everytime she asks what I think about doing with the mages.
Like I know my Inky has not thought about this too much. She just knows her clan, but I think about it constantly and no answer I am offered is good enough to assuage my long rant that I yell at the computer for like 8 straight minutes before I choose the Mages Should Be Free line and get the inevitable Vivienne Greatly Disapproves
I love Vivienne a lot, I do, even with the differing political views, but Jesus Christ girlie pop never ask me that question again because I will go off Every Single Time
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dai#vivienne de fer#vivienne dragon age#madame de fer#the rant includes major reformation of the circle#the templar order#and the chantry#at the very least for the circles to stay a thing#because i do think they could stay a thing if we just changed like 80%-90% of it#maybe smaller and more numerous circles that just act as boarding schools#kids can go home and actually see their parents#no more tranquils as the funding for the circle#fereldans are gonna have to pay tax dollars if they really think circles are the best way to go about mages#studies to see how long a templar can go without lyrium while still effectively using their abilities and not going through withdrawal#bc im pretty sure that the chantry makes it seem like Templars need a lot more lyrium than they actually do#so they can keep a leash on them#also maybe find alternatives to lyrium for templars#cuz i really fucking hate the idea of them having to take an addictive drug#im ranting in the tags i need to stop#and this is all just to keep the circles a thing btw#the easier solution of course being having mages be free
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#why am i not in a good mood this morning? i just feel annoyed at everything#i think it’s overwhelm from having so much to do for school and NO energy or motivation to do it#on top of work being somewhat physically tiring#and i have to work 8 hours today (and practically every sunday) so it’s been forever since i’ve been to church#and i can’t go to bible study because i have class those nights#i’m just. tired.#and maybe it’s seasonal depression or something? i felt the same way this time last year#i just want to be home. and lay in bed. and watch ouat while i take notes and slowly get through readings#and i won’t have any energy to do anything when i get home tonight#i haven’t even started and i’m tired#please pray for me i think i’m going to need some today#and maybe just this week in general
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Oh sobbing hyperventilating Glorfindel, we’re really in it now. In addition to requesting a snippet of Nan Elmoth could you elaborate on the “non-Euclidean” part of it? I’m not familiar with the concept. It seems like there’s some funky things going on with space and disorientation. What are you envisioning for the way this place works?
Also get some rest, you can do this <3
Start with the door. Given which side of the tray of food he’s sitting on, and where he was facing when he put it down, it’s probably… this way? He edges around it and counts his “paces” to get to the wall. It’s… well, it’s a wall. He feels along it, picking a direction and trying to find some hinges or the gap between the door and the wall, and he finds a doorframe.
Just the frame.
The baseboards are unbroken, but what is clearly a doorframe outlines a piece of the wall just like the rest of it. He stands up to check, and it goes all the way around. He goes back the other way to see if he just missed the door, but that really seems to be the place where the door should be. It’s just - not a door right now.
Quick math lesson bc I'm a nerd: Euclidean geometry is regular-style geometry. It takes place on a grid, and the grid is made up of regular straight lines. Non-Euclidean geometry takes place on... anything else. A sphere, or a hyperbolic plane, or something. Like how longitude lines are parallel, but they intersect twice. That can't happen in Euclidean geometry.
A fairly common headcanon is that proximity to Ainur warps time and space. It's a fun one, but it's not what I'm working with. What I'm using is that - it costs a lot of spiritual energy to build a person. Creating a half-Maia - which has only been done once - is very expensive. So in order to bear Luthien without being Miriel about it, Melian had to take back almost everything of herself, every blessing she had put into Nan Elmoth over the Ages. That's what cursed it, and that's why it has some of the spiritual and spatial effects that Nan Dungortheb (to which Ungoliant did much the same thing, just because she wanted to) has.
So time does pass normally, though if there's an enchanter involved you can't trust your memory. Space, however, is not at all consistent; it's non-Euclidean. It moves around so that two trees might be three feet apart at one moment and then three miles apart a few minutes later. it does this in learnable patterns, but learning them takes years of practice.
I am also blatantly exaggerating the effects of sorcery. Canonical magic is too soft for this shit, it would take an Ainu to fuck someone up the way Maeglin is casually doing to Glorfindel. However. I'm having fun.
#gem writes#glorfindel#non euclidean nan elmoth#thanks for asking!#i love an opportunity to ramble about my ridiculously elaborate worldbuilding#and i have one more nap at this silly sleep study and then i can go home!#... i probably don't get to see the sun today. leaving my windowless hospital room after 4:30 in december...#im literally fine tho we're just trying to figure out if theres a way to make me need less than 10 hours of sleep a night lol
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i hate feeling ambitionless aimless the future is so bleak
#this is about me not the events#i really don't think i have a plan lol and i ever will...#because all through school i had this thing. need to pass this unit test this half yearly this 2nd unit test final exams need to do this#cocurricular activity and the absolute relief when i flipped the report to see i was promoted every year. that was the aim right#now i don't know what's happening#a set set of friends i met everyday sat next to permanent place in the field where we had lunch. like?#it was all so permanent#i knew teachers did not like me or how people there felt about me#and i think a lot of it comes from the fact that i never changed schools#14 years in the same place then one random tuesday it ends everything ends and im supposed to start from scratch#losing friends was all my fault but goddddddf. i used to be good at things#like when i was in 10th grade i gave my everything to studying maths because mom threatened me that if do not get science here we'll change#your school#to wherever you get science#so i studied like crazy did not touch my phone for months and got science#like that is my level of attachment to that place#i just miss it so much probably more than my own home#and i can't belong anywhere because i'm so stuck and nothings good enough and i miss being good and being academically productive#it was my only win i think#this is so sad but i don't think i'll ever get that past work ethic back and it will never be good enough for me to feel good about myself#which can only be through study or work because im a loser who thinks she's worthless if not for a successful career#and I've felt this way for three years now. it is going to be permanent#everything is lonely
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ooooof why did it take me about 3.5 hours to write about the very first fadelstyle scene alone. at this rate i'm never gonna finish the main text by sunday night (monday noon)
#and i HAVE to finish at the latest by monday at noon#bc i'm busy all afternoon on monday and tuesday i have classes again#and wednesday i also have classes before the new ep drops so i can't really do anything there#except for maybe do some editing/proofreading (at least in the morning class)#ideally i'd done with the main text by appointment monday afternoon#bc i'm studying with my language buddy and i can ask him all the language questions i still need to clear up for my meta by then#and then monday evening when i get home i can work the new info into my meta#and then tuesday in my free time i'll make the gifs i need and then proof-read everything at night#anyway it's 1:30am i better get back to writing as much as i can before bedtime#airenyah plappert#thk#adrm#thing is!! i'll be traveling home tomorrow as well so that's already 3h i can't spend on writing#and monday i'm traveling back again so that's why ideally i'd be done by sunday night (never gonna make it rip)#technically i can write on the train altho i was gonna use that time for assignments kdfjkdf#you know what. maybe i should just pull an all-nighter now#that way i'll have the weekend to catch up on sleep so i won't be tired af when i go back to uni next week#ohhhh there's an idea yeah djfkjkdfkdg
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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
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HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLSY SHIT THIS IS THE WORST TIMING EVER BUT OMG THE TRAILER JUST DROPPED OGM IM GREAFKING OUT GSUYS I CANT EVEN WATCH IT RN CAUSE I NEED TO STUDY DUDE
#the timing is so shit#dude im literallh AHHHHHHHHHH#i am normal i am fine this is fine i can wait its not even a big deal its fine i can wait#(i in fact can not wait because i will die and i need to watch it now)#if someone anyone can just convince my tutor to give up on me and go home that woukd be great#just tell her im a failure and she shouldnt waste her time she wont believe it from me shell think i just wanna get out of studying#jurassic world chaos theory#jwct#chaos theory
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I need to choose between being a pathetic fandom girl, good student, or man who’s on the mountain bike team because im failing at all of those rn and need to lock in
#i just do nothing all the time#is it an autism thing I literally just can’t do anything. I can’t go on a mountain bike ride and then study when I get home#I spend multiple days on one simple drawing#I don’t pay attention in class#i just need to lock in to one of these things 😞😞
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i am so tired. please, send croissants.
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#just wanna go home and pet my cat#aesthetic#moodboard#tired#exhausted#overworked#overwhelmed#and underwhelmed at the same time#study aesthetic#dark academia#dollette#coquette#dark dollette#don't talk to me#let me sleep#i need a vacation#i need a break#working girl#pinterest#chooseday
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i'm desperate to know how many notebooks you have filled with these drawings. i must know, please, i'm on my hands and knees
Most of my comics are drawn on standard letter paper (8.5"x11"), and to date I have filled 23 pages! I usually manage to fit roughly 6-8 comics per page.
Mspaint recreation of the first page!
#ask#I have several more pages filled in a sketchbook for practice/studies and my 'better drawn' work#Each square panel is 1.5 inches (1/4 of a sticky note) and I use pretty small nub ink pens.#I actually hadn't counted how many I had filled (in my head it was roughly 1 new page a week) so this was a cool prompt to do so!#it's also wild to go back and look at my old comics! Really hits home how far I've come!#I felt so confident in my 3 panel format. Only to give it up by like... comic 11.#I meant to take a picture of the first early pages and compare it with the new comics but oh man taking photos was never my strong suit.#I hate shadows. I hate lighting. I hate angles. Defeated by the shadow of my hand and terrible camera quality.#I also do not have enough floor space to lay them all out... I Might need to ask a friend for their floor. And phone.#There's a little unused follower thank you i've never posted on the first page too! Argh...another time.#but yes! all of these exist in physical form. I need to invest in a little binder with protective sheets so I can flip through
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imagine being cellmates with barton while you're both in arkham, and so you're kind of anticipating something kind of spooky happening at least once. but then you witness orderlies try to force this mass hiding underneath the blanket of the bed opposite you (that turns out to be barton) out of bed, and it honestly completely breaks that illusion. because apparently, he's done this before and only when he's severely depressed. so it's just kind of more hard to watch than anything because this essentially emphasizes that he is, in fact, a human being... not an animal despite most of the staff treating him like it. and the doctors at arkham either don't care about him having dysthymia (chronic depression) or aren't treating it enough because it can literally get so bad that he can't get out of bed
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#this hasn't just happened to him at arkham either btw. unfortunately there have been times where he was at home and he literally didn't get#out of bed at all for days and of course this could cause a plethora of physical problems as well as mental. but that's besides the point#bc compassion really is something that is missing from arkham that NEEDS to be there because like i said here. everyone in there is just as#HUMAN as the staff and i feel like they can get so caught up in demonizing the patients there that they forget that which is... well-#very problematic to say the least. bc if you can't function properly and people are treating you like you're an inconvenience for suffering#from things like depression then you aren't going to get better at all but... then again who in arkham really gets better? it's pretty much#a sad truth that no one does.#tw: mental illness.#tw: mentions of mistreatment.
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