#and then his grandma is coming this weekend which I love her but bad timing

[sparklesmusicnotesandpawprints]

.

[lizardho]

I was like 11-12 years old when I figured out at a boring-ass church activity that you could put rocks into little plastic spoons and then pelt people who annoyed me with them. I did this for the rest of the activity, and at Sunday dinner the next night was bragging about my victory (cornering the mean kid who picked on my youngest brother and pelting him with rocks). One of my cousins was like “no way, that sounds SO fun! Let’s do that RIGHT NOW!” So we grabbed spoons and went and got pebbles from the back yard and launched them at each other.

The problem was my grandma sold her soul for the world’s most resilient plastic spoons so we could launch those fuckers HARD. I gave out welts like candy on Halloween, and I got them back in kind.

So we resorted to taking cover and giggling until we got whacked, then yelping, then returning fire.

My cousin hid in my grandpa’s little fishing boat. It was a good boat, but simple and honestly underused. We didn’t know the little windows on it, meant to keep the wind out of my grandpa’s face while he drove, were cracking. However, they were definitely cracking. Eventually it became obvious and we realized we had been being dumb.

This was NOT the first time in my life I’d been dumb roughhousing and broken something, and I had developed a reputation in my family as being “suicidally honest” so I was the one to deliver the bad news. My grandpa let out a pretty good chuckle and said it was OK, tousled my hair, and asked my grandma to bring me cake. I am not kidding. I learned later he hated his boat and only bought it for his kids’ sakes, since he thought everyone needed to know how to fish. At the time though I was just bewildered and pleased at my good fortune. FINALLY, at long last, being honest and telling the truth about breaking something expensive was getting me cake. I knew if I kept trying it would eventually serve me, and now so had CAKE. I was pleased as could be.

My dad, on the other hand, was livid. He LOVED that boat. He spent several weeks each summer recovering from breaking ribs in that boat every year for about 7 years prior to this incident. He had great memories and memories that boat. So he told my Grandma NO cake for me AND that I’d be coming by this weekend to fix stuff around the house and pay for the broken window with my babysitting/lawn mowing money.

Obviously I was devastated, but that felt more in-line with the way things normally went when I broke something expensive so I just figured it was OK. My grandpa gave my grandma a look and sadly said “Ok, have her here on Saturday to help me with some yard work.”

That Saturday my dad woke me up at 6:00 sharp and drove me, sleepy and bewildered, to my grandpa’s house. He was mumbling under his breath the whole time but he thought he was teaching me consequences for my actions so he was ultimately OK with it.

We get to my grandpa’s house at 6:15. My grandpa is outside with a ladder hanging Christmas lights. The lawn is freshly mowed, the trees and garden are weeded and well-tended to, the carnations in the front yard look immaculate, and my grandpa has this giddy mischievous look on his face. He tells me he was so excited that I was coming over that he couldn’t sleep, so he did all the yard work himself. He asked me to help him put up Christmas lights and decorate the Christmas tree, which I did, then said that because I was such a good helper I could have some pancakes for breakfast. I was sent home with the slice of cake I had been denied the week before, wrapped to keep it as fresh as possible.

The whole way home my dad looked a little miffed, but told me that he was glad I had been honest and was proud of me for helping grandpa. I know he wanted me to Learn a Lesson™️the cowboy way, like he had as a kid, but didn’t have much room to complain since I’d still been Put To Work.

I think that was a lesson for both of us, although I’m not totally sure what it was supposed to show me. I think it was my grandpa’s way of showing my dad that discipline without tenderness doesn’t count as much. He died last year and I miss him terribly, as does my dad. I hope that my story of victory, drama, punishment, and ultimately a secret second victory is meaningful to someone else out there, but if not it still means a lot to me ❤️

[inkdrinkerworld]

soft dom!remus x reader who lives with a. family member who's not so nice and always tries to embarrass her or make her feel bad about herself? my grandmas like this and i'm just so tired of it lol. obviously you do not have to write this if you don't feel comfy, i love you and ur writing !

that's so mean and i hope you can get out of there soon doll <3 hopefully this can bring you some comfort for a little bit.

You call Remus while you're just on the brink of tears.

"Hey dovey," he sounds so happy and upbeat you debate if you should tell him. At your silence, Remus speaks again. "Are you okay, dove?"

You sigh, all shaky and broken and Remus coos on the other end of the phone call.

"Not really." you mumble, picking at a scabbed mosquito bite on your thigh. If Remus were here, he'd take your hands in his and give your fingers a squeeze, but he isn't here and picking at the scab helps you to keep your breathing even.

"What happened, baby?" you can hear him shuffling. "Need me to come get you?"

"They're just being mean again, and no one does anything." you flop onto your bed, head hitting one of your stuffies and you grab onto it's leg.

"Every time I say anything I'm the bad guy. I can't" your breath shudders with the realisation of what you're going to say. You can't live here anymore. "I don't think I can stay here anymore."

Remus sighs harsh down the line, wanting desperately to be near you so he can pull you into his lap and tell you he'll make everything okay.

He settles for doing it over the phone while he starts his car. "Pack your bags baby," you frown.

"Everything?" you ask shakily and though you can't see, Remus smiles. Remus had said they only had one last chance, when you'd driven to his house in tears and shaking so hard he'd been worried that you were going to pass out.

"Everything, dove." You don't hesitate and start packing everything you own away into a suitcase.

You don't have much, just clothes, your prized stuffed toys, shoes [which are on your feet] and your books. Everything fits tidily into the suitcase and a carryon.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes, and you can stay with me." Remus says it like it's the easiest thing in the world- your moving in with him. Like it won't possibly cause more problems in this house, which it might, but he doesn't want you to factor in their feelings anymore.

"You deserve a home that's peaceful, not one filled with shouting and screaming and mean names, dovey." he says it so softly you can't help the way your breath hitches and the tears finally tumble down your cheeks.

"Yeah," you murmur, wiping at your tears and sighing. "I'll wait for you on the front step."

Remus really wishes he could be there now. He also knows why you want to wait on the front step, because then he doesn't have to come in and give everyone in the house a piece of his mind before whisking you away.

"Make sure you have an umbrella and your sweater, it's gonna start raining." you're already wearing his green one, with the yours and his initials stitched into the wrist cuff.

"Thanks Remmy," you sniffle and grabs your thighs and start hauling them to the door.

"No need for that dove, I'm ten minutes out. We can go to the store after, see if they have any of your favourite gummies. Forgot to stock up after this weekend."

You smile, you'd like nothing more. "I'll be waiting, Remmy."

[movieexpertlvr]

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 ᵒⁿᵉ ˢʰᵒᵗ

Summery: reader try’s to break up with JD…

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐉𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ᵗʳⁱᵍᵍᵉʳ ʷᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᶠᵒʳᶜᵉᵈ ᵏⁱˢˢⁱⁿᵍ, ᵈᵃʳᵏ ᵗʰᵉᵐᵉˢ, ᵐᵉⁿᵗᵒⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ᵈᵉᵃᵗʰ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵏⁱˡˡⁱⁿᵍ, ʸᵃⁿᵈᵉʳᵉ ʲᵃˢᵒⁿ ᵈᵉᵃⁿ, ᵐᵃʸᵇᵉ ᵐᵒʳᵉ

——————————————————————————

“Jason get out of my room!” You shouted at him frantically however his smirk and calm demeanor not dropping, “Y/N you know you don’t mean that your just upset when you calm down you’ll ring me and tell me to come back you always come back darling“ he says walking over to you with his hands on his pockets and that sarcastic 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐲 grin on his face. “n-no! Not this time Jason go away y-your dangerous you k-killed m-my… some one I’ve known for years!” You say cowering back a bit “see you can’t even call her your best friend darling she was horrible to you so so horrible and I made her go away, for you” he sweetens his voice at the end which almost gets you but you back up. “No! No no no! Get out get out I don’t want you here!” You say starting to cry and throwing a plushie at him from your bed, he smirks and takes the plushie smelling it “it smells like you darling” then leaves through the window taking it with him. You knowing he took it as a sure fire way to make sure he sees you again on the off chance you don’t fold and call him.

A few hours go by and you just lay in bed and cry you cry because your boyfriend is a killer but also because you still love him and wanna be with him in spite of that what does that say about you does that make you as bad as him, but was it wrong she was a HORRIBLE person who made the lives of so many miserable so maybe he did a lot of people a favor and maybe if he promises never again than you can still be with him and not hate your self, you don’t know though your head and logic are taking you one way but your heart and loyalty for JD is taking you another.

During the mist of all of this your mom had come in your room and found it smelling of cigarettes and as much as you tried to convince her you weren’t smoking she would believe you and grounded you making you go to your grandmas so you’ve been gone all weekend with no reconciliation with JD. But much to your suprise when you come into your room back from your grandmas JD is there which takes you back a bit, “what the hell Y/N where have you been I called your room phone but it was disconnected I tried to come by and you weren’t here any of the times” he says this with a panic in his voice so much paranoia and you can sense that he’s trying to keep his control so badly and he comes up you grabbing the back of your head and kissing you hard and roughly his arm wrapping around your body and this kiss feeling very demanding and desperate. You try to pull away put he just tightens his grip on you making it clear your not going anywhere and eventually he lets you go for air but keeps holding onto you and brushes a hair out of your face. “Your not leaving me I don’t know what or who is in your head making you want to abandon me but no, I won’t let you.” He says the end with such seriousness which the rest like paranoid question statements and you take a deep breath before looking him in the eyes and brining both hands to his face “please JJ calm down what do I always say?” You calling him JJ immediately calming his exterior and he sighs “in through the nose put through the mouth” and you knod “I’m not going anywhere but you need to promise me you will try to control your emotions no one’s gonna take me from you I’m all yours”.

“Honestly I just get scared I’m gonna loose you and I guess some of the stuff I do can be a bit extreme but I would never ever hurt you and I don’t want you to think I’m a monster” he says and honestly you’ve never seen his gaurd down like this and you tuck a peice of hair behind his ear “your not a monster JJ you just…don’t see a place for the bad people in this world which isn’t really wrong it’s just complicated” he knods and picks you up laying down on your bed and laying you on top of him.

“You always come back daring~ never leave me again”

[orangelemonsstuff]

SOOO THOUGHT!!! UH, FIRST YEARS AS CHILDHOOD FRIENDS???? I MEAN YES LETS GOO

Imagine child Ace and Deuce were the first one you met and they were fighting about something, could be Ace teasing Deuce then Deuce punched him and then they fight, you have to hold Deuce back because Ace was definitely losing, and since you have extra pennies to buy candies you treat them to ones but you'll only give it to them if they made up!

after few days of being friends you three come across a fiercy gray stray kitty, he scratched up Ace and Deuce so you call him Grim and you three begs (or steal) food from your home to feed it everyday

Jack comes next to your group, you met him through your elementary school and started hanging with him, Including Ace and Deuce, he does say you three are annoying but he never shoos you three and sometimes comes with you to feed the cats or just go play on the playground

another days come by, recess and you came across a cute girl... uhh climbing an apple tree? the three of you watched as she fell down and running up to her crying, apparently "she" was a boy and his name was Epel, he was trying to get the apple from the three because he forgot his lunch from his grandma and he is really hungry, in the end, all of you you shared some of your food from your lunches to him to prevent him from climbing up again.

next one is a meanie, his name was Sebek, he kept bullying you and following you around calling you "human" because he thinks he is smarter than you, your friends defended you from him (including the cat) which made him cry from guilt and run away from you all, you felt bad from making the crocodile boy cry so you follow him and you comfort him, then lead him to your friends to apologize.

AND JUST IMAGINE THIS!! (think like the main gang from omori)

All 5 of you walking home together following the leader sorta stuff (of course the leader was you), sleepovers at everyone's house (Sebek's room is filled with posters of what he calls "Amazing Malleus-Sama!!" which you assume is a cartoon character) and then going on Halloweens in your little costumes together!! you five would tell scary stories about each other idk sam the boogey man or something to scare each other and it mostly ends up with Ace scaring Deuce and then ends up paying for it, Jack , Epel, and Sebek would act tough like they're not scared but seconds later Ace would pop out behind their back and scaring them. PICNICS!! when someone fights at your group (usually Ace and Deuce) you are the one to settle them down with trinkets like candies or toys. when you all need to study for a test or do homework, Jack would teach you all but it ends up with all of you rough housing in the end, books and papers forgotten.

on weekends or summertimes where all of you are free, you play with them from morning to afternoon and when you get hungry, no worries!! Epel has a basket of apples to go! he always carry it with him whenever you all play outside, on the playground, the stony low water river, or catching bugs at the nearby outskirt forest. don't worry about even getting lost, Sebek's loud voice would always find your ears and all you need is follow it because he doesn't want to catch bugs since it's unbeing of a "soldier of Malleus" as he says. as Ace scare him with a beetle while running and screaming. afternoons when al of you need to go home, you all share sodas and ideas what to do next day tomorrow, and before some of the weekend or summertime ends all of you had a tradition to sleepover at one of you's houses.

OHHH HOW CUTE THAT IS ISN'T IT???? BUT THIS ALL MY HEAD GOT I LEAVE THE REST TO YOU GUYS, I JUST LOVE CHILDHOOD TROPE SO MUCH!! IT HAS ALOTS OF DYNAMIC AND ACTUAL TIME WHERE THE MC AND THEIR FRIENDS USUALLY BUILDS UP THEIR FRIENDSHIO OMG THATS ALL BYE!!!

[eriexplosion]

I have nothing to do this weekend so it is Catch Up On Rewatch time. We're up to Decomissioned!

I genuinely love that this episode begins a very long tradition of the batch making basically Zero goddamn money for Cid because they never accomplish the actual goal she sent them there for

I love the Grime of Ord Mantell so much

Like this? It is a fucking look.

"What if it was shiny" WHAT IF IT WAS GROSS AND COVERED IN DIRT AND RUST AND HAD SOME GUY SLEEPING ON IT?

The woman wandering into Cid's looked drunk already but Omega nearly shooting her in the face sobered her up REAL goddamn quick.

Bolo and Ketch are my beloved boys, crime uncles to go with the crime grandma for Omega. I don't know what their crimes actually are but look at them. They're definitely up to crimes.

This is just a sweet moment though, even if Omega is getting frustrated, everyone gathered around to watch her practice. She's not a natural but SHE'S LEARNING.

Cid: I assume you boys know what a tactical droid is?

Tech:

This is unsurprisingly one of my favorite moments he literally looks like he's going to explode when no one speaks up. IS NO ONE ELSE GOING TO TAKE THIS INCREDIBLY EASY QUESTION?

"You make money, I make money, and I watch your back." You fool. You will never get any money from these people.

CID WITH THE BOW IS HOT OKAY, I AM AN EASY MARK.

You know I'm surprised this facility doesn't sell the tactical droid modules themselves, like I'm sure it's imperial funded to get rid of all the separatist droids but come on, no one in the factory other than the Martez sisters is stealing these things?

BEING THE LOOKOUT WAS CROSSHAIR'S JOB. I'm sure Hunter loves getting that reminder of his Failure to keep his family together.

THE GIRLS ARE HERE <3

DON'T JUST STAND THERE. GRAB A WEAPON. "I had one >:T"

Omega was literally about to shoot Rafa at point blank range though like imagine her first kill was from about 2 feet away

SHOULD I HAVE LET THE DROID SHOOT YOU? Hunter has zero patience right now he is So Grouchy the instant Rafa opens her mouth

No worries just jump over the flaming pit of death Wrecker. Nothing bad can happen when you jump over the flaming pit of death.

LITERALLY STOLE THE DROID HEAD AND LEFT THE CHILD TRAPPED ON THE CONVEYOR BELT TO HELL.

God this moment with Wrecker's chip partially activating is so good.

Trace literally stops and realizes the child is going to be dumped into the slag and does NOTHING ABOUT IT FOR SO DAMN LONG. SHE COMES THROUGH IN THE END BUT GOD HOW LONG YOU GONNA STAND THERE?

I love them, they're disasters.

"Fine but I still don't like you." "I'M USED TO IT." This is very much like Hunter with Phee in season 2 he just gets so fucking cranky.

WRECKER HEARING "GOOD SOLDIERS FOLLOW ORDERS" IN CROSSHAIR'S VOICE IS SO FUCKING MUCH. Love this set up for next episode by which I mean I am horrified by it.

I'm easy, I find it hilarious when Echo makes a dad joke about their name.

THIS WILL HELP ME ACCESS THE PROGRAM. *TECH LITERALLY STABS THE DROID WITH SOME FORM OF SPIKE*

Honestly seeing Rafa again makes me remember those fake leaks when everyone was freaking the absolute fuck out over the idea that Rex/Rafa was going to be a thing in season 2 and honestly I still love the idea. I think that Rex falling for a garbage girl with thieving little raccoon hands is the funniest thing I've ever heard. He found a girlfriend in the dumpster.

Our first real push towards 'you can't just endlessly run away while doing it all for the money' from Trace. Again I am stuck on this, that you can't push for two seasons for the batch to actually stand up to the Empire and fight, to actually push back, and then have it turn out they should have just kept never getting involved anyway if they wanted to live. I'm chewing on the walls and the beams.

"in the end, we all choose sides" anyway this is why I think the very end of the show will be the batch together and actively choosing to go against the Empire, not because they're soldiers but because they're a family and they're fighting for each other. But unfortunately I don't think it will be as simple as retirement even if it's what they deserve, because of bits like this. At the very least, they're active in helping Rex get the other clones somewhere safe, even if they're not diving in to fight directly.

The way they hide who Rex is to make it look like the girls immediately turned on them doijsofd

SOON WE'RE GONNA HAVE REX THOUGH. THE BOY.

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

(sorry for any mistakes, I should have gone to sleep instead of reading but I couldn't resist)

I managed to find time to read a few fragments and I absolutely love the relationship between Mo'at and Spider - I was blown away by "His father was lurking somewhere, laying in wait to snatch him up, what was the grandma going to do? Hit him with her house slipper?" I imagined it lol. I also read the scene about summoning ghosts and my oh my it was brilliant (I wonder if Kiri managed to "talk" to Grace?) The fact that Quaritch revealed himself every time Spider had a bad foster home>>> I honestly have no idea what Im thinking about Quaritch, in this fanfic he makes me feel pity, sympathy and hatred at the same time. I skimmed the whole work but I didn't see Lyle's name so I assume his meeting with Spider is not described in this version? During the weekend I will read everything and try to write my best thoughts about it, I feel that there will be a lot of them. I really can't believe that it finally came out and I'm glad that it's so unexpected, otherwise I would probably die of impatience if I knew that it would come out let's say in two days. I can't wait for the sequel, in the meantime, can you give a snippet? <3

Oh my god thank you so much 😭. I really love hearing people’s thoughts so thank you for sharing them with me 💞

So I’m actually not done with the expanded version of cabin! I’ll probably post another 3-5 chapters of the expanded version. I think I can probably get the next chapter out within the next few days. Lyle will probably be in the chapter after that, where I’ll expanded on his time at the Cabin. I’ll also add in and flesh out that bonus scene with Z. But yeah, I fully intended on following the plot of the original Cabin just with a ton more detail. Then I’ll finish up the endings which I’m about halfway done with. I took a break from them to write everything I just posted. I really felt like I needed to flesh out Spider’s time with the Sully’s and his time in the Cabin for the endings to have the impact I want so here we are!

And of course you can have a snippet!

**********************************************************************************************

After lunch Miles did his math work, reveling in the warmth of the sunlight like a spoiled cat. He couldn’t have spent his entire school day outside like this in his old life. Miles had to chuckle to himself just thinking about it. It had taken time to get used to his new life, but under his father’s care he somehow had more freedom now then he did back then. He set his school schedule. He decided where he studied. He set the pace of his education. He wasn’t shipped around from foster home to foster home. He had choices. He had stability. He was loved.

Pa busied himself inspecting the perimeter of the cabin, searching for any hint of an issue to fix before it became a problem. He checked up on his son a few times, monitoring his progress until he was satisfied with Miles' work. “Let’s wrap that up. I think it’s time you got some exercise.”

“Can that exercise be skateboarding,” Miles asked with a big grin and pleading eyes.

Pa huffed a small laugh, “Do ten laps around the house, fifty push-ups, fifty burpees, a hundred squates, and a hundred crunches then sure. You can do whatever you want.” Miles took off, completing his exercises with speed, skill and strength, his father standing by, counting out each rep, beaming with pride as his son effortlessly finished the tasks. Pa looked at his watch, a big smile on his face, “That’s my boy! Barely twenty minutes. But I’m not surprised. You're amazing, after all.” Miles averted his gaze, still uncomfortable with the praise his father would constantly heap onto him, though secretly reveling in it. “You got forty minutes to spend however you want. Don’t go gettin’ to wound up though y’a hear. Y’a still got to get through science today.” Miles nodded racing off to the back yard to skateboard on the half pipe he and his father had built the past spring.

Public school could never, Miles thought as he skated. Homeschool just worked for him so much better than his old education system ever had. He was so lucky that Pa had taken him away from all of that.

[fortunefool]

hi hello everyone!! im here w yu sera and her luck manip ability!! aka ur rabbit's foot & broken mirror in one! ik ik ... 2 in 1 .... what a steal ! formal descriptions / pages will b coming this weekend!!!

dc is avail. upon req if u prefer it over tumblr ims (which im ok with, btw!!) & like this if u wna put our beasts in some situations (if u want to plot) ! OH! and ty to evry1 who has alrdy reached out!! tw for mentions of : death, murder, drowning, sewer side.

ㅤㅤㅤ 𖹭 ㅤㅤㅤ statistics .

name : yu sera. (유세라)

birthday: 980922. (twenty5)

hometown: yongin, south korea.

education: master degree in nursing, second yr.

residence: yellow hall('s resident advisor)

ㅤㅤㅤ 𖹭 ㅤㅤㅤ biography & co .

you see, sera's life has been L after L after L, back to back

her mother? poor, modest, v excited to have a daughter. her f*ther? HWAKTHU. fluctuating between rich and poor, gambling his life away, alw fucking around, messing w the wrong people, scamming!

scammer on scammer hate crime ensues when a dubious low budget genie irl tells sera's dad "give me all the $$$ u have. but dw dw! i can grant u a wish... such as.... i'll give ur newborn daughter the power of Luck." and he leaves out the part that Luck is bad n good.

and what does her dad do? he listens!!! a born, living, lucky charm? sign him tf up!!!! he waits for sera to be born, tells her mom that he has to leave n he will take sera (so he doesnt have to share the lucky charm yknow), the mom tries to fight for the daughter but... ope... person w money vs person w no money.... yea... head low.

sooooo, she spends her childhood pretty happy. daddy's girl n all! w an ability that she believes to be some form of Good Luck Manip. she sees her dad as the best man in the world and he. loves. it. why? bc it makes her ability v powerful and he keeps on winning, buying expensive things, not being caught etc etc... just living the best life off of sera... but ofc. nothing lasts forever.

sera enters her teenage years and hell breaks loose. she accidentally learns that her mother didnt abandon them (as per her dad's fake sob story), she figures out that her dad is no Fair businessman and it alllll comes crumbling down.

so young and so shaken up with new, different emotions, she quickly learns that she can manifest bad luck as well. luckily(?) for her dad, she was still in denial so the bad luck wasnt strong enough to k*ll him off.... but it did take away all of his riches which cld count as murder in his books. long story short, he becomes a Monster, trashes her things, kicks her out, leaves her out in the street w nothing.

i'll try to make this part rlly brief bc i want her Trauma to be traumaing but i also dont want to get into graphic deets!! couch surfing at a friend. friend dies. parents hate her. sera starts searching for her mom, someone tells her that she's dead. ope... sera tries to end it all bc of that by drowning. randomly gets saved. ends up living w this cute ol lil lady, a retired nurse, who feels like a grandma figure for sera... baow. accidental bad luck manifestation makes them get into an accident, guess who survives thru survival luck and who doesnt. yea....

so ... you may be thinking ... now what. WELL. she hears abt sua ... abt the Patch (one that she cldnt afford/get her hands onto) so she decides well. im sick of being the bad guy (accidentally) all the time, im sick of spiraling, im sick of my ability fluctuating. let me become a nurse and help out! maybe i'll finally get to use my power for proper good this time....

soooooo she tries to cheer up during her uni years. she gets more control over her ability but theres still lots to learn! her emotions still affect her deeply but its no longer THAAAAAAAAT bad.

her goals? become a v v v good nurse. gain complete control over her ability and use it w her job. help ppl w her power. find her mom. and... devious smile..... find her dad to k*ll him w the bad luck.

ㅤㅤㅤ 𖹭 ㅤㅤㅤ ability .

luck manip!!! she can give u good luck or bad luck!!! her eyes turn green when it's good luck & black when it's bad luck! she can touch u, look at u, think of u, it works either way! ofc, she can do more w a touch than w a thought!

she can make you get the luck you need to find your keys or to win the lottery! she can make you spill ur coffee all over ur new clothes or get u vvv sick! anything goes! if it's a casual ez kind of luck (keys, coffee), then she'll need a few moments to regain her energy. if its smth more extreme (lottery, sickness), she needs a few days (even up to a week), to recover!!! the more complex it is, the more it drains her energy!

it's all within d laws of physics & limits of 'reality' ! so she cant get you to magically materialize ur lost keys back and she cant spill invisible coffee on u! ALSO!!! this ability only works in like... idk.... a 100-200 miles radius!

her Survival Luck is also present n exists and she can (and has alrdy) managed to survive a bunch of extreme situations (see above)! however, the Way that she survives it.... out of her control fr.... cld be a scratch, cld be 5 broken bones, not up to sera!

ㅤㅤㅤ 𖹭 ㅤㅤㅤ brief personality .

she's v chill and looooooves helping people!!! not super hyper BUT still a fun girl nonetheless! not boring by any means despite being v toned down and lowkey!

DESPITE the previous bullet point, she is extremely afraid of getting attached to people and LET ALOOOOONE love them so she tries to keep everyone at arms length. why? obv bc of her ability and her fear of not being able to control it properly... she doesnt want another friend + grandma incident.

has a tendency to become mellow / nostalgic and can be caught overthinking... which she tries to do while on that nullivi .... ofc! LDFDFGJJ

ㅤㅤㅤ 𖹭 ㅤㅤㅤ plots .

a few friends????? a few foes?????? a few younger ppl @ yellow hall she's helped out as a resident advisor??? someone who tries to get close to her but shes ADAMANT on not letting that happen?

ppl affected by her good luck..... what abt ppl affected by her bad luck.... ooo swearing up and down that she didnt mean it and it was accidental... cld be true or not. ppl accusing her of using her powers when she didnt? OOOO what abt using the bad luck on a person that she was told was a bad person but sera was only manipulated into thinking soooooooo ooooooouuuuu

someone who's known her ever since she was a teenager? watching her go thru the whole spiral of bad luck??? maybe theyre older and even told her abt sua!!!

what if there's someone who jus doesnt believe that she has an ability? or they do and they think its a stupid one? NLKFJGN idk...

i kinda want lots of angst for her.... i think it'd be fitting.... lets put sera and ur muse thru the pain machine tgt!

THANK YOU FOR READING / SKIMMIN THRU THISSSSSSSSSS SMUAAAAAAAAAAAAACH!!

[thebluestbluewords]

I’ve been working through some stuff. Some of that is through fic. Content Warning for food issues, implied body issues, bad parenting (not the usual flavor of bad dcom parenting, but the kind where parents care too much and don’t know the sort of pressure they’re putting on the kids)

* “My mom,” Mal says slowly, running her fingers through the thick fur at the base of the dog’s neck. “Never used food as a punishment for me. We didn’t always have enough, because it’s the isle and nobody ever had enough, but she didn’t actively punish me by withholding what we did have.”

Ben pats the dog’s head. Her name is Genny, and she’s a good dog, and she deserves the extra love today for being so accommodating of his girlfriend’s weirdness. “Yeah?” 

“My mom was one of the better adults,” Mal says, like that explains anything. It sort of does, but Ben would rather not have to fill in the gaps between what Mal’s telling him and their current issue, which is that neither of the boys are willing to come to dinner. “Evie’s mom never withhold food as a punishment, she was just sorta insane about diets in general. It was shitty when she wouldn’t let Evie eat, but it wasn’t personal, y’know?” 

Ben wishes that he didn’t know, that he didn’t intimately understand the pressures of having a parent who’s just weird about public appearances as they relate to everything in the entire world, down to the body he lives in and the ways that he’s allowed to eat. It would be easier if he didn’t know, but he’s been under the scrutiny of cameras since he was a kid. In some ways it’s been easier for him than it probably was for Evie, because he’s a boy, and because he’s always been athletic and sort of vaguely good looking, but there’s still speculation around his body every time there’s some dramatic change. It’d been awkward going through his first growth spurt, the one where he’d grown taller without getting any broader, and Audrey, who had been going through the opposite with her own growth spurts, cried for days when a particularly despicable gossip rag compared them and suggested that maybe her love of sweets was to blame for their different body types. 

“I get it,” Ben says softly, focusing on a very soft spot on Genny’s nose that needs a lot of careful attention.“Audrey suffered a lot with some of the diets her grandma wanted her to follow. It’s not personal because of something they did, but—“ 

“It’s personal because their bodies aren’t enough?” Mal’s voice is sharp, but her hands are still soft and gentle on Genny’s fur. She’s not one to worry much about her own appearance, but maybe that’s a choice she makes, rather than an inherent disinterest. Ben wouldn’t know. He’s always been uncomfortably aware of how he appears to others. His body has never been under the same level of scrutiny that girls seem to go through, but he’s had his every word and movement analyzed for any hint of unkindness or violence or insincerity, and it’s difficult to set the fear of judgement aside when it comes to his body as well as his words. 

He shrugs. There’s only so much room for freaking out right now, and it seems like Mal needs the space more than he does. “Something like that.” 

“Yeah,” Mal scoffs. “Well. Evie’s mom did a lot of the dieting stuff with her, which was stupid really, because nobody had enough food to go around back on the rock. It was basically suicidal not to eat when you had the chance. She almost died once cause her mom wouldn’t keep any bread or carbs in the house.” 

Evie loves the soft rolls they have at dinner sometimes. She won’t ever admit it out loud but they’ve all seen the way she lingers over the occasional doughnuts they get at breakfast on the weekends. It’s odd to think of Evie as lacking anything, but a healthy relationship with food is a pretty easy thing to lose, apparently. 

“Evie’s not—“ Ben stutters, unsure of the right thing to say. He’s allowed to stutter over his words with Mal. She’s never once laughed at him for it, or used his pauses to push him into a rushed decision that he’s not ready to make. “Her mother was wrong. She doesn’t need to diet.”

It’s not quite what he meant to say, but hopefully the intent comes through anyway. 

Mal sighs. Oops. Maybe those weren’t quite the right words after all. “No. She doesn’t. And I don’t know what kind of fool thoughts went through her mother’s head that made her think that, I just know that she sometimes starved. It’s not personal, so I guess that’s the impact of only valuing girls for their looks, or something.  She never meant it to hurt Evie, so it’s e—“ Mal catches herself on the start of an EEEE sound, chokes on the word, and coughs instead. “It’s different.” 

Ben’s pretty sure he knows what she was going to say. “Not easier?” 

Mal’s cheeks flush bright pink, and she ducks her head away info her own shoulder. “Sometimes. Maybe. But it mostly just sucks in a different way.” 

“Yeah,” Ben agrees softly, reaching up to pat right next to where Mal’s hand is still buried in the dog’s ruff. “It does.” 

“Mom never did that to me.” Mal says abruptly. 

Oh.

Oh shit. 

Mal doesn’t talk about Maleficent. She doesn’t acknowledge the fact that she has  a mother most of the time, and given the choice, Ben is positive that she’d rather go about her entire life as though she’s been spontaneously created by the universe to fill a void where the idea of a fairy should go. In the months that they’ve been dating, Mal has brought up her mother few enough times that Ben could count them on his fingers, so it’s not exactly an insignificant thing that she’s mentioning her here. 

“It’s—“ Mal stutters, her small hand going tight and stiff next to Ben’s. Her voice is smaller than usual. “I didn’t have problems. I ate whatever I could get. I’m the normal one here. Normal-er, I guess.” 

“Yeah, you’re doing a really great job at being normal,” Ben agrees amicably, even though his heart is beating double-quick and he’s pretty sure he’s blushing. “Crushing it even. The whole thing where we’re hiding outside with the dogs is really cementing it for me, you’re super normal and the others are the only ones I’m worried about.” 

Mal hits him. Not hard, but she’s got a solid punch even when it’s just a tap. “Shut up,” she snaps, voice tighter than it should be. “I’m the most normal about food, and you know it.” 

“Yeah, the others are really weird.” 

“They are.” Mal says firmly, eyes flashing.  “And I know why they won’t come down and make nice with your family. Jay’s dad used food as a punishment, so he’s got some sort of weird self-worth complex about eating when he hasn’t earned it, and Carlos was always forced to be a servant in his mother’s house, so sitting in the formal dining room with the adults freaks him out. Jay’s thing is probably weirder, and I don’t know how to get him to stop and it’s actually really scary but I’ve been pretending it’s fine for so long that I don’t know how to stop at this point. And like, he doesn’t want me telling you about it,” she finishes, cheeks flushing bright purple-red. “So please don’t tell them how you know.” 

[foster-the-world]

Away

Seems birth certificate application was not lost. The agency did not include two necessary documents. Numerous calls later it appears I was annoying enough that the ACS (agency for children’s service) lawyer has promised to hand deliver the documents first thing tmrw. They claim we should have a birth certificate by the end of the week. The agency made sure to send an email about how quickly they handled all of this. Sure. Whatever. We don’t have time to apply for a social security number. I’ve read you can get a passport without one - so we will try.

We are Upstate without the kids. So nice to hang out with my husband. The lovely Grandma from daycare was scheduled to be with the kids. We asked my in laws to take the girls to soccer. They decided to have them spend the night. I felt kind of bad baby boy was left behind but he loves the sitter. She takes him to her sisters house (another daycare worker). He loves her dog and will spend the week talking about her. Next weekend we are all going to a family camp in the same area. Very much looking forward to it. In laws coming but we got our own cabin.

Our sitter always tells us how she can’t walk down the street without people stopping to comment on how beautiful baby boy is. As his mother I agree but that doesn’t happen to me. When he was a baby it used to happen all of the time. We live in a predominantly African American (but also gentrified area) so maybe the black ladies just feel more comfortable talking to her.

Big fundraiser for all of the Harlem schools this week. The mainly white schools in our same district have PTAs that raise a million dollars which they use to hire art teachers, librarians, reading coaches, etc. A mom at our school had an idea to do a fundraiser to try to raise money for the predominantly minority schools - of which only our school has a PTA or raises money at all. It’s a comedy night which seems much more our style then the galas the fancy schools host. She did all the work to get the place donated, the comedians, etc. The fundraising hasn’t gone well but the plan is to do it every year. So if we can build it up every year maybe it will eventually do better. It’s a great cause. I wish more people wanted more equitable division for all schools/kids instead of all the effort/money for the kids/school that already have so much. I think it would be better for the rich kids, also. We preferred not to have our kids in the fanciest schools because we don’t want them to think rich and white is the baseline. We love the community their low income school offers. I helped with what I could for the fundraiser but I’m certainly not a skilled fundraiser. The kids in our school are amazing and deserve all the good things the world has to offer.

[ithinkabouttzu]

Hi ma’am 😁🧡 May I get a BoB or TP ship please? Here’s my description:

she/her, 5'5 so average height, kinda skinny, very pale and freckly, reddish brown hair, i have to wear glasses sometimes bc i have grandma vision :'), i have hazel eyes with long eyelashes so they look like doe eyes, but out of all my friends i'm the most baby-faced so i get carded a lot when i go drinking rip.

I'm an ENFP 7w8, and my love language is quality time followed by acts of service. Like, i just love to go on mini road trips with friends and having a super playlist to listen to while we go somewhere together. My mom says that my spirit animal is either a badger or a raccoon lmaooo. and i'm a hufflepuff if that matters lol.

i would say that i'm a social butterfly who doesn't shy away from leadership positions. My roommate says i have Main Character Energy lol. i can also be generous, creative, brainy, thoughtful, energetic and witty, but with my own brand of integrity. on a bad day, i can be filled with self-doubt and overthinking and i tend to self-blame a lot. i struggle with ptsd because my dad is a recovering alcoholic and i had to deal with a lot of shit as a kid.

i love doing archery, making music, going to concerts, working with my hands, archaeology or psychology facts, i am really into photography lately and i love going to concerts and taking band pictures. i also love fashion!! especially punk fashion! i either want to work for a big fashion house one day, be an archaeologist, or work with veterans in counseling. idk lol there's too many options!

fun fact! i also volunteer with my cousin at camp toccoa in georgia on the weekends and i run their social media pages :) i also love to volunteer at the humane society with my friends and walk the dogs <3 i also have my own dog whom i adore <3

Yesss thank you sm for your request <3 That is also soooo cool that you volunteer there!! (i’m jelly jkjk) You sound so cool though and such an fun friend!! I hope you love it!!

Also reminder that requests are open for Kpop, BoB, and TP for anyone who wants one!!

I ship you with…

Bob Leckie!!

Ok so here me out now…

- But you and Bob would be so cute together and if feel like you guys would compliment eachother so well!

- When he first met you, he would find you absolutely adorable.

- When you tell him a little bit about yourself he would find you so interesting and would immediately want to learn more about you.

- and by the end of the night he would just straight out tell you he wanted to take you out and he REALLY liked you

- You guys are such a fun and social couple that everyone wants to be around!

- After the war, he realizes that not everyday is guaranteed, so he loves spending quality time with you and also values his time with you so much (for bob it’s really the little things that makes your guys’ relationship special.)

- You know how every couple has that “one song?” Well instead, you guys have one big playlist together.

- Which you guys love to sing to during long road trips

- and whenever y’all have freetime or time during the weekend you guys love to go on mini adventures together! (only if you bring your dog too!)

- He usually lets you pick out where you guys are going as long as he’s with you ( he’s just happy to be there LOLL)

- He honestly also admires your integrity and he loves when he sees you take initiative into WHATEVER it is. (it lowkey turns him on too.. )

- This man is one with words and when you are having one of your bad days he will be by your side 100% to talk and listen to you.

- He usually can tell when you start to overthink and he will offer for you guys to go out and try to get your mind off of it, or if you want to stay inside he will be there with a blanket and some popcorn for a movie marathon lol.

- You and him have both been through a lot of shit and that’s something that you guys both can relate to.

- He can definitely understand you when it comes to ptsd and some of the feelings that come along with it.

- And even tho both of your experiences are a bit different, he is always there with open arms for you. (And you to him too!)

- You guys have learned to lean on eachother during days like those, and long deep talks with eachother are always so important . (free therapy sessions are a necessity)

- He is also so blessed to be able to freely express his emotions and to have someone that understands him and his feelings.

- Concerts are definitely a must! And I could definitely see y’all being fun ppl to party with

- he also loves when you take pictures of him 🤭 (but he would never tell you that)

- He admires your open mind that is so full with ideas! He is so supportive in whatever you aspire to be and just wants to see you happy!!

- Overall he is so thankful to be with you and loves you so much!! He is definitely very ‘leckie’ (see what i did there 😏)

Hope you love it and thank you again for requesting!! 💞

[episbep]

recovery day four - happy birthday to me🥳

I really struggled to get up today. Had the weirdest and most realistic dreams that just booked me out. I did forget to take my medication last night though- that combined with the insane/obscure dreams that come with abstinence after substantial drug use just made them even more intense I reckon.

my day started off as such a struggle, I was so sad, feeling v sorry for myself but dragged myself into the bath and out to meet my grandparents at lunchtime. (As I was just about to leave the house my big ex called me out of the blue to wish me a happy birthday? He said he felt bad about how things were when we last saw each other and that he still thinks the world of me, is proud of my sobriety (although he doesn’t know about the multiple relapses and he doesn’t need to. Our story is over now) and that he accidentally called his new girl by my name lol. I cried when we ended the phone call bc wtf but realistically he is right - we don’t work, we won’t work, and our time in each other’s lives is up. We are both following different paths now and I need people around me who are kind, supportive, sober and not controlling - all of which he is not. There was a time that his validation was everything to me, but that is no longer the case, and I feel better that I am no longer chasing him and trying to force something that is not in my best interests or helpful to my recovery, which right now has to come first.) Yesterday I felt so much better after getting up and out and today was exactly the same. I think the worst thing I can do while I’m struggling is to self isolate tbh. When I first arrived I was tearful and not feeling like I wanted to birthday, I opened a card and a present but the rest I’ve left there with the plan of opening them with my girl at the weekend. My grandparents and I chatted for a while and then Grandma and I made a cottage pie together - I’m ashamed to admit that that was the first time I’ve ever made one, but it felt so good to learn how to and to spend some quality time with my absolutely incredible and wonderfully kind Grandma. She gave me a wooden cross that she holds for support when times get tough for her. I’m still incredibly touched by it. She’s also offered to teach me how to make some more recipes as part of my recovery and to teach me to iron- I’m ashamed to admit that cooking and ironing are two things I know very little about how to do!! I’m pathetically grateful for her offer, especially the cooking part - chopping veggies and seeing a meal come together is really therapeutic and I felt so proud at the end of it, especially watching my grandparents enjoy what we had created. It was really lovely and I genuinely laughed for the first time in a while.

After I left I met two NA fellows and we shared a lift to a meeting an hour or so away with a sister group - the journey there was like a mini-meeting in itself, as was the journey back. There was a lot of hope, positivity and support but the major thing is that I cannot join the home group, get a sponsor or claim clean time while I am still on anti-depressants as they are technically mind-altering so they don’t class me as ‘fully abstinent’…feels harsh but I do get it. Trouble is that I’m on a major dose and can’t just stop taking them overnight, I’ve already been having brain zaps and dizziness from forgetting one days worth. Regardless I am going to speak to a doctor tomorrow and look at tapering off of them so that I can start really working the program. They recommended that in the meantime I get my head stuck into the book and reach out to other members with long clean time, reach out as much as possible and make connections (which I find very difficult bc I don’t want to annoy ppl! I don’t wanna be an inconvenience!). Every interaction I have with them just makes it that much clearer how much NA can/will change my life for the better, it’s not just abstinence but a healing way of life to help me become the best version of myself and I want it so bad. One of the guys I shared a loft with celebrated 30 days today and he was speaking about how much his life and mentality has improved already. (He’s also absolutely gorgeous but - no stop it!!) I shared in the meeting about how I never imagined that I would be spending my 28th at an NA meeting, but that I was so grateful to be doing so as I know if I was still using that I would have been alone in my bed, off my face and miserable. I’m just so relieved that there is an alternative way and that I don’t ever have to spend another day like that. This will hopefully be the beginning of one of my best years yet.

my bladder is so bad. I’ve not even been drinking much but I need to piss all the god damn time. I was really struggling to even hold it for the hour and 20 car drive. I’m lying in bed rn needing to piss again too🙃 I didn’t think it was that bad but clearly it’s not great. I’ve been having pains too but idk if that’s cos my periods coming or bc of my bladder bc I’ve completely lost track of when I’m due on… also my nose is killing me.

[steamishot]

space

whoo, landed in LA saturday evening and feeling good. i usually fly jetblue but took delta to LAX this time. the flight was significantly (~1.5 hours) shorter, i assume because the plane is bigger? so the flight wasn't terrible.

matt and i have been arguing a lot more recently as new things have come up and it's uncertain again. we're reviewing the contract for southbay, but negotiating a few things. also, huntington said no last tuesday, but then referred matt to an adjacent team that's non-teaching. however, this new team is pretty cryptic and not straightforward at all. it sounded like the details were made on the fly. they asked him about his credentialing and licenses which implies they are hiring him but steered away from the conversation whenever the contract, salary or benefits were brought up. til today, they still haven't gotten back to him and he needs to sign the kaiser contract by thursday.

i made a temporary post on reddit asking the hospitalist subreddit which they would choose between these two options. the consensus is that both of these jobs sound awful, too many nights, "dogshit" salary, and overall "bad gigs", lol. fuck my life that we're living in either NYC or LA, which are both terrible cities to work in as a doctor. at the end of the day, we can't have it all and location is important to us. so, i think we can only compare to the previous offers we've had and the southbay one isn't TOO bad. kaiser is also very straightforward and provides a number of nice benefits: relocation, evening/night weekend and holiday differentials, sign-on bonus, sick & vacation time.

it's been hard to live in a studio apartment when emotional/stressful things like this arise, especially when i thought we were at the finish line and surprises continue to pop up. we both deserve our own alone time and space to think independently before coming together to discuss it - however, our physical space kinda doesn't allow that at all. even driving solo in a car in LA can provide a good headspace to think - but it's constant stimulation outside in nyc. after clearing my head and having space to think, i prefer kaiser and it seems matt does too.

my first week in LA, i want to lay low, have chill time with my family and niece, eat home-cooked food, watch shows, adjust to the environment and do yoga/walks/workouts. my internal pace is at nyc speed, and it takes time to slow it down. i feel like people move 10x slower here which helps relax me. the sounds of the birds/nature vs honking/people yelling is calming. i still feel emotional/heavy due to the continued uncertainty, and i can't give my family any answers yet when they ask questions. it also makes me less social/not want to meet up with friends yet because i feel unsettled.

happy things:

i bought my first arcteryx jacket about a month ago and have been loving wearing it. it's super comfortable and has great utility/wind protection. i've become a fan of the company and decided to buy a jacket for both my mom and grandma from the recent REI sale. my mom and grandma go on morning walks/hikes almost everyday so it would be quite useful. they are both really happy to receive them as gifts. doing things like this reminds me of why we're working hard.

i got a dinosaur bank painting set for my niece, because she keeps reminding me that she wants to paint. although the recommended age is 8+, she tried painting for a bit before asking me to do the rest lol. i wrapped it up for her like a present and she was really happy to receive it and paint for the first time. last night, we did "animal yoga" together following a youtube video.

i made a new friend from ceramics class. i thought she was in her 20s but found out that she's 40! she said she can be my "old woman friend" LOL. we were the only two asians in ceramics class and i'm glad she chatted me up. of course, she recently moved from SF so we have that californian similarity. i felt okay to invest energy into a friendship with her even though i'm moving bc she seems quite mobile: lived in baltimore, DC, SF, previously in NYC as well.

matt and i will go to the sheng wang show end of this month, and we booked tickets to go to our first ever concert together: odesza at madison square garden

it's awesome to see my niece after 5 months, she is noticeably taller and can communicate much more. my parents and i loooove her and miss her when she's not here lol. i plan on taking them to the infinity mirror room.

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Tuesday, February 20th, 2024!

8:20am: Phew, that was fun, back to business now 😎 business of being a bachelorette 🤪 it's so cold I need to hook up the heated blanket bc I did that thing where I crumple up in my sleep then the stomach and back hurt from literally constricting all night. Also need to do laundry so I can get my warm clothes, they're all wet and sickly 🙃 need to start studying today (RIP this quiz) and not get another L. And also not get sick again, I need to handle these gum blisters. High key this is what happens when I have to entertain for a weekend like I am immediately behind on just so much shit. But it's so worth it ❤️ I love my family

12:22pm: Well I just don't know anymore. Every time I think I've done the worst unimaginable thing, I seem to one up myself?? I'm inflicting the karma personally now, but I don't know how to say I truly didn't mean to. Maybe my subconscious meant to. I have no fucking idea. But can we talk about how I haven't seen rain like that in months, probably won't see it again for several months, like it was just a damn bad sign. I still just think it was part of his personal karma, I just really didn't think it would get wet like that bc it hasn't rained like that since the literal summer. I think he hates me now. Well. Ok I can't do anything about that. Welp. Just kinda have no words, I was literally in fight or flight mode and he will never understand that he's the fucking reason. Fight or flight is not a reasonable train of thought in that situation. No shit I did something that makes no sense I was shaking terrified. And he doesn't fucking realize he's the goddamn reason. Good riddance.

3:09pm: well I think he blocked me on everything. A rain storm took out 8 years of friendship. And this is the what, 900th time he's chosen material objects, replaceable possessions over me? 901st time he's chosen paper, a piece of paper, over speaking to me ever again I guess. I guess I'm the shitty person, not him who lied and cheated on front of my face, nope me, who was shaking too anxious freaking out in my apartment bc he threatened my brother five days before coming to town 🤷

3:39pm: maybe this is my karma for hitting on a guy in a relationship, we just are no longer friends. Well I guess she got what she wanted, he is getting what he wants, which is to finally be able to blame me for something, and I get to have them both out of my life. This is the world now. The world is still turning.

4:00pm: It's like he was just looking for a reason to block me, just like he was looking for any reason to cheat, to leave, to break up, to move out, any little thing that could be a provoking reason and just running with it. I'm done.

I know this is technically my fault, I have apologized. Everything still feels abusive though. I was just trying to save myself, I was being selfish. But um hello so is cheating. He's not better than me and in my opinion he's still much worse than anything I've ever done to him. It's just things.

I would hope if something is actually going to come of this, his grandma would give me a warning first or something. I want to call her but I feel like everything is too heated. Let me go home, blow my nose and use the bathroom, maybe I'll call her tonight.

4:48pm: TBH we always talk about forgiving these stupid assholes. Why don't I forgive myself for this? I forgive myself. Even if I did it subconsciously, even if I was being a bitch in the back of my mind (I really don't feel this way) it's more like I was just tired of thinking about it! And look at me, thinking about it now. It's over. Whatever. He wants to take me to small claims or something? Whatever I'll live. He wants to run a smear campaign on me? Didn't he already do that? I'm still alive. He wants to take the cats as revenge? I'll live, they'll live, life goes on. If something happens to them that will be his shit I guess. I forgive myself and C said it, I'm already being Way. Too. Nice. Everybody would agree with me. I can't even bring it up bc ppl will be like ?? You still talk to him ?? Ppl would be so confused. I did the best I could without causing myself unnecessary stress on a weekend when I didn't want stress. Was I journaling this weekend? Fuck no there was a reason for that, because I was actually being happy living life. That's why y'all didn't hear from me tf. Healing continues though so we're back, still gonna push forward though.

5:19pm Damn yeah he blocked me on everything! What was even the point of speaking to me. That's fucked up to confront someone about something, something so materialistic, and then not accept an apology. Whatever. Good luck with life, good luck being a petty ass mf, acting like you're some heaven on earth angel who can do no wrong, fuck you.

5:34pm: I told my brother what happened, and he helped me feel better, I wish he lived closer to here but texting is ok now :) my family is just everything ❤️ I tried my best, it's over now, like a fever dream. On to find someone else to give my love and effort to 🥰 I'm just gonna give it to myself for now.

[yllem]

My Grandma Died

I have avoided this post for a long time. Today is January 2nd, 2024. I haven't written in several months and this is a very hard post to make.

Mid October was one of the craziest weeks of my life. Let's start with Monday:

October 16th: I hear that the first client I ever signed is looking to get out of their contract. I win $170 in an NFL pick em's league. Low. High. I receive a call from Kelli, Bruce's girlfriend. This seemed weird. It was after 11pm in Ohio and she does not call me. I answer the phone expecting bad news. My dad had been in Ohio a lot in 2023 visiting his parents, mostly my grandpa who was not doing very well. I was prepared to hear the hard words from Kelli.

She says something like: "Melly, I don't know how else to say this, but I can imagine you know that I'm not calling with good news. Grandma had a stroke. She's in a coma and it's a matter of days. We can't get ahold of your dad." I shot up in bed. GRANDMA? I immediately call Laura who I know will be across the hall. She relays the message to which he responds "whaaaaaaat" three times. I forgot to mention the coma, but he goes to call Bruce. On the phone with Laura I hear him reenter the room, she is in the kitchen with mom, and say "yeah, my mom is going to die."

While all of this is going on, Bob is in the hospital. They think he may have cancer.

The rest of the week is sad. Dad does not give any updates to me, so I hear everything from Laura. There isn't much to say.

October 19th, 2023: Dad sends a text at 1:34pm letting us know grandma has passed away. It is all very surprising and fast. Mom calls me. She says it's the best ending for her. She was a worrier and didn't have to feel scared about dying. She didn't have to deal with the pain or suffering of sickness. Her ending, while surprising, was very peaceful.

I still feel the emptiness that she filled. The sadness is different than when grandpa had died last August.

October 21st: Mom and Laura leave for Ohio. Dad calls asking if Joe can stay with Belle. He's been attacked by two pitbulls on the run and needs to get stitches. Tim continues to be a pain in the ass about when we will leave together for Ohio (has flag football and softball on Monday nights). He eventually comes to his senses.

October 22nd: I am in Chicago because Joe and I have fall ball playoffs. Our team has a chance at the championship. We win game one and go on to the 3pm game. This team has only one loss: to us the weekend prior. During the second or third inning a girl on our team has her first seizure in the dugout. Her parents were not there. She had mentioned a strong headache and then that she couldn't see. She started a groaning cry before collapsing in Bob and Joe's arms who were steadying her. A mom on the other team is a nurse and times everything. She is a great help. The player is taken away by ambulance with her younger sister. She makes a full recovery. The team goes on to win, not by one like last weekend, but by 7. We lose in the championship on the 24th, but it was a great team to be a part of.

October 23rd: Tim and I go to Ohio and it is sad. It is sad to see my grandpa who spent more than 65 years loving her and all of her quirks. They spent every day together and I'm sure she filled much of his quiet days brought on by old age.

October 24th: Everyone worried about grandpa during the wake. The casket is closed because Grandpa says that's what she wanted. Mousey, Danny, Dee Dee, Mark, Grandma, Eileen, Tom, and Anita come. The funeral is sad as Bruce's friend Frank chokes up during the funeral. Dad, Tim, Taylor, Bruce, Chris, and Mack are pallbearers. Dad, Mom, Bruce, and Grandpa sit in the front. Dad chokes up after setting down the casket about how light it is. He tried hard to keep it together, but little things get that man.

The weather is beautiful. Despite it being end of October, the weather is near 80 degrees. There is lots of sunshine. She wouldn't have to be cold.

The luncheon is at Bennetts. Tim, Laura, and I grab hamburger wagon for the non-Ohio guests to try. We spend the day at a bar later with Kaley, Chris, Madison, and the girls. It felt like good bonding.

Ohio is a sad place to be these days. A reminder that, eventually, we all must go. I am not good with loss and it is sad to see my grandpa get older and older- something we did not witness with my other grandpa given his distance. It is still nice to visit the cousins. I will be sad to update this again, eventually.

[illicitaffairs97]

The Story of my life

TW: a lot of everything. Planning on staying fully anon. Just felt the need to get my life story off my chest.

The story starts when it was cold and it was winter and out pops baby me. My parents were 19 and 20 when they had me. Mom graduated high school, dad didn't even finish jr high. They both smoked cigarettes' and weed. (which back then was still very much illegal). The early years of my childhood were spent moving from place to place, parents often not working and us often moving back in with my grandma, who often supported herself + three others on one paycheck. Finally, by the time I started Kindergarten they bought a house. My parents fought a lot. Maybe it was the drugs maybe it was something else. I was too young I am unaware of what their problems actually were. They were off and on with each other fighting breaking up until I was in 3rd grade.

That's when things really seemed to go down hill. They broke up for good. By this point it seemed both of them had gotten into heavier drugs. ( I was too young to know what those were). I started seeing my mom less and less. She started having seizures, and was on alot of drugs for those, and probably also the non-prescription type. My father was dating a new woman who he stayed with for the majority of the rest of his life.

Anyways, one weekend the two of them decided to go to the lake and leave me with one of their addict friends and her daughter. My mom DID NOT like this woman, and was not happy about this. My mom came to pick me up and they told her she couldn't take me which pissed her off. They fought and my mom took me, for three weeks I stayed with her and had no contact with my dad. During this time is when I discovered Taylor Swift (idk why this is relevant it just is) My mom and I loved her, from the second we saw her playing Tim Mcgraw on some country music awards show. My mom was NOT doing good during this time. Probably very much on drugs. Eventually I go back to my dads and things with him start to go downhill too.

The house he had bought when I was in kindergarten was being foreclosed on. Our Utilities were shut off quite often and we went weeks or longer at a time with no water, gas, or electric. We lived this way for about two years. Moving in and out of this house that was being foreclosed on, and not having basic utilities. It was overran with mice and smelled bad since we couldn't flush the toilet often. I remember one night I was really hungry and my dad was on the couch and wouldn't fully wake up. I remember trying to wake him up and him punching my really hard in the chest because he didn't know who i was or where he was. I remember calling my grandma crying and hungry and the phone dying while I tried to tell her what was going on. I don't remember the rest of that night. I remember having very little food to eat a lot of the time. I remember my dad beating my ass because I couldn't finish my hamburger once. That was the worst "spanking" I ever got.

I remember going over to my moms and she was SO out of it. She never got physical with me but I remember one time her sister was supposed to come visit and I was asking about her and she told me not to let her in. I said I wanted to see her and I remember my mom calling me a traitor. That was the most my mom ever hurt me, Those words still haunt me to this day. I remember watching my mom have a seizure and how terrifying that was for a child, not knowing what to do or how to help.

My dad really didn't let me see my mom much after that. We were finally kicked out of our house that was being foreclosed on and we bounced around from couch to couch at my dads friends houses for a year or two. We finally got a rent house and still struggled to keep utilities on. Dads Drug use got less apparent or less in general. I'm not sure which. But moms got worse. I was only seeing her once or twice a year. Easter and Christmas. But I remember seeing the track marks on her arms, and how that made me sad and feel unsafe.

When I was 16 and it was probably September or October I remember being at my boyfriend's (at the time) house. He was 2.5 years older than I was. My dad called me and told me I needed to come home. I was mad because I was doing my AP bio homework and we didn't have a computer at home so I was fighting him on it. He finally told me over the phone my mom was in a coma in the hospital. My bf rushed me home and my "step mom" took me up to the hospital. My mom wasn't in a coma but I guess she had been. She was fairly out of it but glad to see me. I Didn't see her again until December. She was still in the hospital. I go visit her and we have a heart to heart. She tells me that as soon as she got out she was going to turn her life around her dad and stepmom were going to get her into a good rehab and she was going to live with them after and get back on her feet. She didn't want to live that way anymore and she hoped I would come visit her more. I was so hopeful for that. A week later I get a voicemail from my mom. She tells me she needs heart surgery and that there is a chance that there could be complications. She wanted to talk to me. We talked almost every day for a week. She wasn't feeling well so she didn't want me to come up there.

I got a call from her stepmom one night. It was bad. I needed to go up there. My dad and stepmom argued for hours trying to deice if I could go up there or not. I tried calling and talking to my mom while this was happening. A nurse answered. She wouldn't let me talk to her, or even hold the phone up to her. My mom asked who it was calling and the nurse told her but wouldn't let us talk. By the time they decided to take me up to the hospital, my mom was unable to speak. I held her hand and told her I loved her over and over again for hours. Over and over until she took her last breath. That is the first time life really broke me.

(to be continued)