#and then hate myself forever but it’s fine

[ljbrary]

uhhh so basically i won an undergraduate award in may at school that came with a cash prize from an outside organization and i had to fill out all these forms and stuff so they could send me the prize money which was $100, which is great! cool! wasn’t expecting that!

but i was just checking my bank account bc i thought my card got stolen (spoiler alert: it didn’t and im just an idiot who forgot to cancel a subscription to something) and saw a deposit from the organization and it turns out they actually sent me 1 singular cent. so. um. easy mistake math is hard they’ll get ‘em next time

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

[teknikolor-walters]

Does anyone else feel a debilitating fear of getting better? Is this normal? Does it secretly prove I'm just faking everything for attention? Probably tbh

[guinevereslancelot]

for the first time in my life i was just asked if i have kids instead of if i'm in college yet. the years start coming and they don't stop coming huh

[reminiscentrainclouds]

You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.

[hella1975]

what was the evolutionary logic behind 'once a month 50% of this species are going to think they are awful and everyone hates them and they should die. also they are liable to cry over a bowl of soup' because that was so fucked of whoever cooked that up

[nomairuins]

loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!

[slutdge]

typical 7 am judas moment where im sobbing over what i could have been and accomplished if my parents had loved me :)

[caloboletus-rubripes]

hey how do you forgive yourself for doing something something you feel is irrevocably embarrassing even though you know you can do anything you want forever

like how do you unlearn that shame

[jaemna]

i wish i lived in a house where i felt comfortable ☹️

[likesplatterpaint]

Would Louie forgive me?

Absolutely. In a heartbeat. Loubie loved me.

Will I ever forgive em myself?

I’m not sure.

[impostorsshow]

I would never have thought that playing Disney: Dreamlight Valley would make me ship Merlin and Ursula but here we are they're definitely a divorced couple you cannot change my mind

[ghastbutlikegay]

the wild thing about rsd for me at least is that the anticipation/expectation/fear of rejection is MUCH worse than actual rejection. like if i experience outright explicit rejection or like "im mad at you" or "i dont want to talk" or whatever else, it sucks of course, but i feel legitimately panicky if im left wondering. if i feel like someone might be avoiding saying that theyre mad/annoyed/uncomfortable it makes me nauseous

[moe-broey]

No context but I got So distracted. I did not set out to do All That today. I don't even know where the fuck I am anymore. It was all an impulse decision and I didn't even write down the second distraction because it was So Strong. In my mind. But then a second distraction hit my two braincells. I have no idea whwre I am anymore. I was just gonna whip up a shitpost doodle and then go back to my main project. I never even got to the shitpost doodle. 🧍

[alkibiadessuperfan]

You should totally cosplay as Randvi in your own time of course! I would love to see that. Do you plan on making a hand made costume? Or a store bought one? I know you can buy costume for Eivor as it’s more popular but not for small characters such as Randvi

Also are you doing it on your own or with friends? Are you going to a comic con?

I’m sorry you have depression and feel tired and burnt out. It sucks I know. I’ve had it before. I really hope that you can get better with time and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here for you. You’re not alone in this. That’s all I wanted to say ❤️

heyy💕 I‘ve wanted to make it myself with things I can buy and put together and then make her brooches and more character specific things myself. sadly there are no costumes available for her and I‘m not very experienced in making costumes etc. I‘ll also do it on my own because my friends aren‘t AC fans haha and I doubt anyone is going to recognize Randvi, since I haven‘t met any AC cosplayers on cons I went to yet. Maybe I should try going to a gaming specific con then. If anyone wants to go to a german con as valhalla or odyssey people together though? Let‘s go! Yeah right I mostly go to one or two cons a year here in germany and I go with friends but they aren‘t into AC but other things so it‘s fine and we can mentally support each other haha. Cosplaying is scary but Randvi‘s outfit looks pretty comfortable especially for winter conventions. Maybe I‘ll set the goal to make her brooch-like jewellery in the new year.

Ah, it‘s mostly fine! This year I just feel like so much has been going on and it‘s all kind of weighing down especially with family stuff and now that it‘s holiday season it‘s extra noticeable so sometimes I‘m feeling extra bummed out this season and like there is so much to do all the time but thank you so so much I appreciate it🩷 you can of course also always message me and I‘m here!❤️

[braisedhoney]

Heya Captain, I have a question 🙋

How would you deal with annoying people? (it's a strong word, but don't know how else to describe it)

Like fans who are just too much sometimes.

Would you ignore them, just tolerate them or deal with them somehow differently?

As a crewmate on this ship it’s important for me to do everything in my power not to be an annoyance o7 /j

But like I’m just curious on how creators deal with people they find annoying or fans who are just a bit TOO exited I guess. Like how other people deal with this kind of people without being rude or mean. Sometimes you just want the person to get off your back, but have no idea how to deal with it, you know?

If you don't feel comfortable answering this question I totally get it, you can just ignore this ask then

Thank you and have a honey day🐝

y'know, that's honestly a fair question to ask. it is kind of difficult to answer, but i know what you mean. i'll give it a shot.  

it's not that i'm really popular enough to have a huge group of "fans" (seems like too big a word!) but sometimes there have been people who just take it out of me a bit. i'm not a high energy person even if i do try, so i can't always match the enthusiasm—limited spoons and all that ;;

when i'm tired, low energy, or just generally not feeling the vibe, i just… trail off a little. not on purpose, i just do. my activity is already really sporadic, so sometimes i'll post art but not respond to things bc i post and go. it's just how it be. 

my only real piece of advice is this: do not spam. if someone is going to answer, they'll answer, but spamming them won't help. they might have other stuff going on or generally don't feel up to it—as a creator, you do still have the right not to mesh with people. spam won't make them want to talk to you more lol. being polite goes a long way! (this ask qualifies as polite, btw. very kind of you to worry <3)

just try to respect boundaries, and remember not everyone is immediately going to become your friend, creator or otherwise. life's funky and we all get through it our own way, but we'll be okay o7

(also aw, have a sweet day too, anon 🍯 hope you're alright.)