#i still push through most of the time but. augh

[ghastbutlikegay]

the wild thing about rsd for me at least is that the anticipation/expectation/fear of rejection is MUCH worse than actual rejection. like if i experience outright explicit rejection or like "im mad at you" or "i dont want to talk" or whatever else, it sucks of course, but i feel legitimately panicky if im left wondering. if i feel like someone might be avoiding saying that theyre mad/annoyed/uncomfortable it makes me nauseous

[amazinglyegg]

hi!! i want to say i love ur blog sm. its amazing and one of my fav blogs.

i have a hc where sole picks up children’s toys, teddy bears, jangles the moon monkey, and giddy up buttercups while walking thru the wasteland looking for shaun. could u write a react for fo4 companions asking why they pick up “that junk” vs their reactions after finding out the reason why?

Thank you so much!! And this is the most adorable headcanon ever, I love it <3<3<3 I can only imagine how hard it'd be for Sole to constantly see all the toys they was planning to get Shaun for Christmas all broken down and rusted. Plus not even knowing if he's alive or if he would like any of them anymore... augh my heart </3

Companions react: Sole who collects toys for Shaun

Ada

She doesn't even bat an eye when Sole goes around picking up every toy they see

Sole probably only tells her the truth once they overhear Ada calling it scrap

After that Ada will make very sure she doesn't scrap any toys she finds and instead leaves them in a nice pile for Sole to sort through and keep any they want

Might even find it hard to scrap the toys Sole doesn't want (because they're too broken or unsalvagable)

She definitely gets wanting to keep something to remember someone by, and seeing Sole do this might just convince her to keep a transitional object that reminds her of Jackson

Cait

Cait immediately feels like crap for complaining so much

Not only because she kept complaining about Sole's habit, but she had definitely made comments on how dumb and boring the toys are in the past

She doesn't really get it since she's not a parent (and never wants to be), but she still feels like she should have realized it sooner

It also hits a bit close to home for her because she never really had many toys as a kid, so realizing Sole cares about Shaun so much they're constantly looking for trinkets for him is almost unreal to her

She'll probably not say much about it for that reason, too awkward and vaguely in disbelief that parents actually do that for their kids for her to make any comments

Codsworth

Oh he is SO supportive of Sole

Even before Sole tells him they're for Shaun he's pointing out how much Shaun would love them

Probably has Sole's Christmas list for Shaun still stored in his memory (because let's be honest Sole was definitely obsessing over their baby's first Christmas back in October) so he'll point out whenever they find a toy that was on the list

He'll probably go out of his way to grab any toys he sees for Shaun as well

Shaun's bedroom is going to be PACKED with toys before he even gets out of the Institute

Curie

Definitely more curious than frusturated with Sole picking up toys

Might push Sole too hard for an answer at first, but realizes her mistake and apologizes when Sole tells her the truth

I can imagine her having wildly different reactions on it, especially while she's getting used to emotions

One day she's going "but Shaun already has three blankets, no?" and the next day she's crying at the sight of a broken teddy bear

Grief is such a big emotion for Curie and she's so empathetic she's 100% going to be more weepy than Sole is a lot of the time

Danse

Sort of stuck when Sole tells him why they collect toys

On one hand it's his job to tell Sole to drop down the unnecessary stuff and travel light... but on the other hand... they're grieving

So as much as he wants to complain, he probably won't

He gets this is Sole's way of coping and whatnot but he's never been too good at empathy in general, so he won't really know what to say

He definitely won't bother Sole about it, but he will also just kinda ignore it

If him and Sole are close he might (rarely) bring them a toy in good condition he found (he's a scavenger at heart, of course he'll be looking for those things)

Deacon

Probably one of the most initially annoyed companions in this list

He hates kids and everything to do with them so before finding out he'd make plenty of half-jokes half-complaining jabs at how much the kids toys suck

Every time Sole picked up another toy Deacon's saying "Why did they have to make that face so weird?" "Did kids really play with this crap?" "If Santa got me THAT as a gift Christmas would be ruined forever!"

But once Sole tells him the truth he feels like a major asshole

He's another emotionally stunted man who won't know what to say!

He'll mostly ignore it and look the other way, but he'll also sometimes offer to carry the toys for Sole if their pack is too full

It's the least he can do after being so rude to them

Father

He definitely felt Something when Sole told him that fact (sympathy?? Longing?? Who knows)

The fact that he never left Sole's thoughts even while they were struggling to survive in the wastes means a lot to him (he has parent issues okay?)

Gets a bit weirded out if they still insist on gathering toys and giving them to synth Shaun

Like... he's a robot... he doesn't play with toys... why are you grieving me when I'm right here (he's also very emotionally stunted. Unsurprisingly)

Generally not too empathetic about it, and will definitely comment on it if Sole tries bringing dirty/broken toys into the Institute

Gage

Least likely to back down and apologize like the other companions after Sole admits the truth

Probably takes the realist approach of "There's toys everywhere... why can't you just wait until you actually find Shaun and then bring him to an old toy store or something?"

Will be a lot easier on them once he knows the truth though

It's just weird when they're surrounded by toys everywhere. They're literally in an amusement park. Can't Sole just bring Shaun there once they get him??

He's also a bit worried about Sole seeming like a softie, or trying to leave Nuka World once they get their kid back

A toy car or a deck of cards is fine, but you are NOT parading a five foot tall teddy bear around Nuka World. Gage will put his foot down for that one

Hancock

He'll probably only get annoyed with Sole's collection if it manages to get in the way of their work

He has always found childrens toys creepy... he's pretty thankful not many kids wander around Goodneighbor for that reason

Once he finds out the truth his demeanor will change from mild annoyance to "you know what? You do you"

He'll probably find an old tire or something and go "You think Shaun would like this??"

He doesn't know what kids like!! Especially old world kids. When he was a kid he would have been entertained for HOURS with just a stick... why wouldn't Shaun??

Either way, he lets Sole go do whatever they want to do. He won't judge as long as he doesn't have to look at Jangles for any longer than necessary

Maccready

Feels like a complete asshole for not connecting it together sooner

Childrens toys, missing child... how did he not SEE that

Hell, HE grabs little toys for Duncan every once in a while. Obviously he can't judge

He might be a tiny bit salty though

He's had to teach himself to not pick up every toy he thinks Duncan would want because he simply can't send them all to him, so seeing Sole constantly fawn over plushies and trinkets... just kinda hurts knowing he can't do the same at the moment

That being said if he finds something he wants to give to Duncan but can't, he'll give it to Sole instead

Ends up being a pretty good system for them both

Nick Valentine

Out of all of the companions he'd be best at emotional support

He'll sincerely apologizes for bugging Sole about the "junk" they've been lugging around and will reassure them that Shaun would love it

He still remembers which toys were popular at the time and will talk to Sole about it whenever they find one

Catch him and Sole repeating commercial jingles back and forth

He gives them a lot of space to grieve and never complains about all the toys once he finds out who they're for

He doesn't shy away from gently putting his foot down if Sole gets a bit ridiculous, but he does so very, very gently

Like "Hey, that teddy is in tatters. How about we find one that's a bit more... huggable?" or "Shaun doesn't need two Giddyup Buttercups, but if you're okay for it I know a little girl in Diamond City who's been begging for one all year"

Old Longfellow

Aw hell, why not?

Definitely empathizes with them

He feels bad for Sole once he learns the truth so he's perfectly happy to just shut up and let Sole do whatever they need to do to grieve

He's also not really a toy person so he doesn't get it

Like "you think your kid would like THAT??"

But whatever. Sole knows their own kid better than he knows them. If Shaun gets traumatized by seeing Jangles the moon monkey, that's Sole's fault

Piper

Likely to take an "aww, that's sweet" approach to things

Similar to Hancock in that she... doesn't really get it??

Like who needs all these old toys most people don't know how to play with?? Nat played with a rock and a loose piece of string when she was little and she was just fine

Tries to show enthusiasm but ends up going wayy off the mark

She grabs a Barbie doll and says "wouldn't Shaun like this?? He can... I don't know... brush her hair??"

"Shaun would love this!" "Piper that's a mechanical keyboard... with no computer" "Well maybe Shaun would like pretending to write stories!"

Preston

Straight up apologizes for being so harsh to Sole

He didn't need to be so rude about Sole picking up toys. It's their backpack, they can fill it with whatever they want

Appreciates what Sole's doing and will make sure the kids in any settlements don't touch Shaun's toys

He's pretty curious what a lot of toys actually do. He'll ask Sole things like "so do kids... just... sit on the Giddyup Buttercup? And do nothing else??"

Will offer to carry some toys or have caravans bring them back to settlements if they're too much for Sole to carry

X6-88

(assuming Sole's either keeping the toys for themself or wants to give them to synth!Shaun)

Doesn't get it

Father is right there?? Why are you grieving his childhood and focusing on a synth instead of being proud of his achievements??

Going into headcanon territory here but I assume the Institute probably makes toys for (the scientist's) kids to play with already

Not to mention the Institute is pretty anti-clutter, and Shaun doesn't "need" toys to begin with

He just can't wrap his head around why Sole feels the need to hoard a bunch of old broken toys when good ones are in the Institute already

If Sole just insists on keeping the toys in the old nursery he'll be a bit annoyed but won't show it (gotta respect the future director and all)

[crazylittlejester]

I hope the holiday plays nice with you soon! Happy holidays!

"You're going to get sick," Twilight whispered.

"Probably," Warriors agreed. It didn't stop him from tucking the blanket a little more securely around Twilight and resting a hand on his head. "I'll worry about that tomorrow. Get some sleep."

Twilight grumbled but closed his eyes. He was too tired to do anything else. Illness struck their group like a thief in the night, and few members of the chain were still standing. Wild gave some ominous reasons why he was still healthy. Warriors kicked Sky and Wind out the moment the first person sneezed. As the most isolated of the group, they fell hard to illness and were now in an inn across town.

Warriors began to hum as he brushed Twilight's sweaty hair away from his face. As expected, Twilight settled more from the sound than Warriors's words. Satisfied, Warriors smoothed the blanket over Twilight's chest. He was still humming when he went to Time.

Time's sickly flush made his tattoos and scowl even more ominous than usual. "He's right. You should get some rest."

"I will," Warriors agreed. His hands were gently but unyielding as he pushed Time back onto the bed. "As soon as all the little boys are tucked away and fast asleep. Even Wind and Legend are sleeping, you know."

Hyrule and Four were easier, but not easy. Four wanted to finish his book and Hyrule wanted just one more song, only one more. Stubborn boys, the lot of them.

"I don't need tucked in," Time said.

"Of course," Warriors agreed, tucking Time in. "Would you like a song?"

Time scowled a familiar scowl. Warriors smile beatifically. "I know just the one."

It was a lullaby his grandmother sang to him and Linkle a long time ago, and it seemed like it was a winner with young and old heroes alike. As he sang, Time's eye grew heavy, just like Mask's eyes did. Warriors stroked his hair and watched Twilight out of the corner of his eye. Twilight peeked at them and snuggled in his blanket. Time settled under Warriors's song and the hand stroking through his hair. Good boys.

Even when their breathing quieted and their bodies relaxed, Warriors watched over them. His song grew quieter and quieter. At this time of night, the only other sound he heard were the crickets outside the inn.

"Sleep well, kiddos," Warriors whispered. "To all a good night."

AUGH?? ANONNN THIS IS SO SWEET 😭 this is so everything, Wars loves the others so muchhh

[silliest-heartaches]

Ohh my god DRINKKK!! Dude I love them sooo muchhh. I just love imagining them being head over heels for each other yet constantly denying their feelings, because of how they view themselves, yet still finding comfort and solace with each other. They are so. YES. PERFECT. AUGH.

SHARE MORE ABOUT THEM PLEASE!!!

And I love how you use they/them for Ink and she/her for Dream!!

GOD YEAH I LIKE THEM SO INCREDIBLY MUCH... tbh the main reason i started liking them was bc i was thinking abt them and how doomed yuri coded they were and. The worms Wormed in from there,,,,

I actually use he/they and she/they for ink and dream respectively but!!!!!! I love all hcs and interpretations of them for REAL. nonbinary people who are gay as fuck for real,, very inherrently queer ship regardless of how u see either of them i think...heart seeing them as t4t transmasc and transfem forever personally though so thats what i see em as hehe,, also in my head theyre both aroacespec (though the specifc kind varies from au to au though i do consistently see ink as ace and dream as demiaro :>>)

Im not sure how long these will be so...hcs under the cut lol

- okay well while in my mind while error is technically the First Entity ink sees that isnt just a normal entity, dream is like their First. Friend. you know. Like when error first saw him he was screaming and crying for the hills bc it was also his first time seeing another outcode so. that reaction BUT with dream she was more filled with gentle confusion... this is a bit after she unstoned in the apple incident but still was new to au hopping and naive to most danger so they became friends!!! Questionably so.

-to elaborate, when they first meet dream is still stuck on the ideals of toxic positivity and pushing through hardship no matter what... i think this is something they eventually grow out of and dream will eventually learn to see the need for balance eventually but one of their first disputes happens when ink is running low on ink and most of whats left are the Negative Emotions within him alongside the especially strong panic that he usually feels when they get like this... dream would try to comfort him and try to say that itll work out in the end no matter what and that they just need to push through and that itll be okay like normal comforting words because dream is an empath and can sense feelings right,,i feel like its comforting in some cases but when things get Really Bad and especially when the main reserves of feelings that ink has are Negative, they heavily override his normal sense of self and i imagine they get a lot more. Snappy.... theres also the additional hc thingy of ink also really overexaggerating his feelings and overplaying them a lot for the sake of trying to feel more intensely (doesnt work, just drains him faster and will never truly feel natural to him...personally think that ink feels a lot of disconnect from his feelings) which could be considerably offputting to dream (though before adding swap to the group she thought it wass normal because she had only seen the fake pretend nice joy of the village influenced by her aura and not Genuine Feelings)

I think eventually through the years they would learn a lot from eachother...like with ink learning to be more naturally charismatic and dream learning to see past toxic positivity and have his perception on emotions change for the better (ie in learning that having different emotions are okay, so long as there is a balance)

id do alot more hcs but tbh what it boils down to is: toxic codependent yuri. intensely up and down relationship where theres an insane amount of love and attachment but also a lack of self from the both of them because they are only able to see themselves as a Thing to the other. Also exes who turned out to be besties. Thry got together and broke up wayyy before blue (they casually tell him stories about it and for the parts that he does know about he is horrified for.) Oh and they share hobbies and do parallel play alot. dream is more music oriented and can play the cello and flute. ink can play the ukelele but hes more familiar with drawing and painting duh. Also they have a garden. they love growing flowers but their favourites are sunflowers. Also have writing sessions together. Also may/may not also have beautiful princess disorder. (The both of them)

im so sorry this is so incoherrent but erm. yeah im very normal abt them (half of this stuff comes from oc projection the other half is like. Mental illness while in the shower tbh)

[bugbyte]

I used my wheelchair for the first time in “real” snow today and it went well. When I got near the beginning of the year most of the hard snow was over and it was just wet out so I’ve been uncertain how it would handle when the weather turned snowy.

The biggest problem was honestly my hands. I use fingerless cycling gloves for grip and so I can check off grocery lists and stuff on my phone, but they were atrocious in this weather for obvious reasons. I also forgot that frostbite is a thing that happens and my push rims are aluminum so my hands were very very very cold and wet augh. I am looking into new ones for winter. These are things I never thought about when I picked a manual chair but I’m still happy with it.

I have a little motor called a Smartdrive that attaches to the back and is meant to take the strain off my shoulders, because they are terrible. It pushes me fully around on dry surfaces with no issue but this was new. I keep forgetting that it’s technically an assist motor so I can manually push and turn it on to, well, assist. It did so much better than I thought. With some difficulty I got through a pile of snow I shouldn’t have attempted (5 or 6 inches? Maybe?) and once I was on just thin snow it was great. It struggled on its own but pushing to speed it up was a breeze and basically no effort on my part.

I can’t find a gif of it but I am currently the “technology is incredible!” guy from Pokémon so just imagine that in this space.

Anyway, if you’re out there considering a Smartdrive and also live in a snowy climate, it’ll probably work ok as long as you’re on a reasonably well plowed or shoveled surface, and you can manually push a little when needed. The traction could be a little better but I can’t exactly complain because it worked better than I expected it to. It probably isn’t designed for this at all and in retrospect I hope it’s ok getting kinda wet, but I’ve been through rain and stuff and it seems ok. Time will tell I guess.

[itrustmydiscoverweekly]

They took so much of my money this week

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐(5 out of 5 stars)(yes I'm very biased)

augh, I love twenty one pilots, I've been listening to them since before I was even old enough to comprehend anything they were talking about, and wow they have made another brilliant album.

I can't even begin to explain how hyped I've been for this album since the album art leaked back in February (?). I bought the vinyl and the digital remains (WHAT IS 25??) I'm so excited for the proper Paladin Strait MV. I LOVE THIS ALBUM. yes, I am biased. Glad I'm alive for this album. I don't think I've ever had lyrics so quickly memorized to any album before, I love this album. Trying to pick my favorite songs was impossible. Your honor, they're all my favorite. Anyways, I guess I picked 3.

opinion time! (as always, not opinion order, just album order)

"Vignette" THESE DRUMS oml I love them, if you get a chance, watch the mv and just watch Josh. And jesus the lyrics cut in a way so similar to self-titled, laugh this SONG. Big fan of the bird noises at the start too, wish is was a vulture to tie in with Trench but those things make nasty noises and probably wouldn't be too good for a song... Live laugh love Clifford... I think this song, although it doesn't state anything outright, is a song of hope especially with the line "Where do I grow from here". And that little instrumental before the final chorus, augh, I'm kissing Paul Meany on the mouth.

"Navigating" seems to be a lot of people's favorite and with good reason. Again, big fan of the drums here. It's such a hype song with such a painful bridge. Tyler can shush that he doesn't like this song and dear god how I want to hear Drag Path and the other scrapped songs because what else is Tyler hiding from us! Again, a lot of this album carries really, really heavy themes but with that theme of hope and Pushing through. That last chorus, man that second to last my oh my, I wanna scream with him, I love it. Super fun

"At The Risk Of Feeling Dumb" I think this song is really silly, it sounds super silly, but I can't sit here and act like the message is silly, it sucks, and it's really heavy, but it is classic tøp, happy sound, dark lyrics. this song is great, I love it, it hits deep, and the chorus is very catchy drums are less notable here but still amazing. Paul Meany struck again, I love the mixing on this song too

Honorable Mentions!!! 🥳🥳🥳

I'm gonna hold myself back, I would put every other song here but I'll pick some favorites.

"Midwest Indigo" I'm from the Midwest, I'm biased, this song is fun it's high-energy. I'm in love with the lines "I requested Counsel with the counselor/ And he canceled twice" and just the way Tyler sings them. And Josh singing "What's your ETA" and "Chill out man we're right on time" live was so cute <3.

"Routines In The Night" I feel is a sister song to "Navigating" This song is more chill, and super vulnerable aghhh. The backing vocals on the chorus at 2:10 are also so addictive, listen to just that section oml.

Both versions of "The Craving" are so sweet <3

"Lavish": the award for the most creative way to say get fucked goes to! What a wild way to end a song Tyler!

"Paladin Strait" BLURRYFACE!!!!

[densewentz]

I am. Quaking over Crowley and Hanna cause AUGH they're so adorable. Getting up into antics! What do you think some of their adventures would be? Chaos at the nursery garden stores? Lurking in woods to find creatures? Sorry I just really wanna know.

"Can we get a 'wahoo'?"

First off thank you for the perfect reason to post this sketch!

I cannot even begin to imagine the terrors they rain on the general public tbh. Between Crowley still feeling jilted and Hanna feeling free for the first time, the limit is really their imaginations (of which they both posses quite a fair bit).

In fairness since this little au I'm simmering takes place pretty soon after the end of s2, they probably don't do a lot of REALLY outlandish stuff for a while. They'll stay local, probably spend time with Nina and Maggie and probably end up meeting the Them at some point. Crowley would also probably want to try and keep inconspicuous (hah) with heaven and hell looming over their heads and now with a squishy thing to protect. I LOVE the garden center chaos idea btw, shoutout anon, and Crowley's little pseudo Eden is definitely going to rapidly expand into a vibrant and terrified indoor oasis (skylights included). Shops in general are going to have to watch their backs (Crowley has a reason to go into many of them quite frequently now, and without his celestial counterpart to keep him from goofing off too much). Hanna is a big fan of the classic "run down the aisles of a toy store and rapidly push every single button you find" method of spreading foment.

Since Hanna hasn't had an opportunity to see/experience most of the world, I imagine they spend a LOT of time popping through museums/zoos/aquariums/etc. Crowley pointing out things he caused, things an... old friend caused, things that actually happened way differently but got recorded wrong. Hanna dragging her dad around and both of them getting WAY too into reading the information plaques for all the animals. Then seeing which animals freak tf out if her dad flashes his eyes. (The giftshops get terrorized if there arent enough fungus-themed objects, although there is always miraculously at least one). They probably break into a lot/if not most of the exhibits after hours to take selfies for Crowley's rapidly growing photo album. Hanna sits at the shark touch tank and loudly proclaims how smooth they are. And since im a sucker for I-Want-To-Share-The-Stars Crowley, they probably pop over to an observatory or break into idk, where they keep the telescope on the Canary Islands or something. And he'll tell her what he remembers about the Creation and what it feels like to hold a new star in your hand. Hanna will curl up against Crowley's chest and get lost in his voice and the distant glitter of a world her dad designed. They probably also commit crimes. Not major crimes, mind you, although that's due more to Crowley's occasional sense of "as a parent i probably shouldn't let you" than any unwillingness on Hanna's part. But she'll definitely help him move signs or infiltrate office buildings and other assorted sabotages. She 100% gets her own little version of the Fuck Shit Up Jacket, and whether he likes it or not the Bentley has decided Hanna gets to pick the getaway music.

It doesn't really count as demonic but Crowley DOES keep a bag of spare change and googly eyes for Hanna to glue to things at will while they're out.

But tbh i imagine the most trouble she gets into is if she's left alone with Muriel. Evidently Hanna has her father's talent for tempting angels into misbehaving or at least into not noticing that they are, in fact, misbehaving in the human sense. Crowley usually feels almost bad for the baby angel but, needs must. and sometimes he needs a babysitter. The rule is SUPPOSED to be that if Hanna is with Muriel, they DO. NOT. LEAVE. the bookshop (they always leave the bookshop).

At one point she meets a boy named Kian at a pub called the New Inn. Crowley very desperately wants her to not want to spend time with Kian for reasons he refuses to explain 💕

At any rate if anyone ever wants to write or draw anything with Hanna they're more than welcome to and also I'll probably cry a lot so Cheers! Thank you for the ask (apologies for my signature long-winded answer)!

[mintys-musings]

Game Night (Makoto Yuuki x Fem!Reader)

inspired by a classic scenario + a not-so-recent bug in a popular game i keep needing to update but never do

Summary: Whenever your boyfriend plays games, you’re always there to support him 💚

Tags: cockwarming, does this count as public if it’s game chat?— either way gamer sex /hj, edging? kinda

Word Count: 1100

NSFW under cut~

Makoto was never one to turn down your affection, even when he was busy. In his mind, just being around you healed any weariness from his day that latched onto him. It was normal to have you settled in his lap while he played video games, occasionally pressing a kiss to the crown of your head or squeezing you affectionately to alleviate any rage. Your very being was soothing to the very skittish idol.

Right now was the only exception to that.

His jaw tensed as you teasingly wiggled on his lap. This was the most silent Makoto has been all game. He hasn’t even once spoken in the in-game voice chat like he normally does when he duos with Jun. Luckily, his friend wasn’t feeling like talking anyway either.

Pants and boxers shoved partially down his thighs, his dick was shoved comfortably in you as soon as he gave the okay. That was a couple matches ago and he couldn’t possibly fathom why he had said yes to this idea. His aim was entirely off and every time you shifted, he would let out a small whimper. You were facing him just to make it easier to ride him if you wanted.

“You’re sweating, babe~” You purred.

“I-It’s not like I can help it...” He grumbled in response.

Being the amazing partner you were, you tried to “calm” him down by planting kisses along his jaw and down to his collarbone. You could feel him swallow a little as you did so. His breath hitched when you grazed your teeth along his skin only to turn into a yelp when he gets blasted by somebody’s ult.

“You doing okay, Yuuki-san?”

Jun’s voice was faint from you position on his lap, but you could still hear it leaking through Makoto’s headphones.

“Eh?! I-I’m fine. Just died. Has my mic been on this whole time?!” Makoto panics clear as day as he speaks.

“No. Just heard you right now. Hot mic. I guess.”

You cover your mouth to suppress a laugh as your boyfriend tries to solve the issue.

“Okay... Now it should be muted.”

“Nope~”

“Augh!”

“Today just isn’t the day, huh?” Jun chuckles, “You’re normally really good at this game. What happened?”

“I’m just a little out of it—“

“Ayo, sorry. I might need a heal soon.” Another person in the team called out. “I’m defending right now and they’re sweaty.”

Jun cursed and, in the reflection in Makoto’s glasses, you saw Jun’s character dash away.

Makoto breathed out hard, muting himself— or at least he hoped— and moving the mic on his headset away from his mouth a little. He was sweating bullets as he continued on playing, trying to ignore how you purposefully clenched around him once the attention was away.

You didn’t want to humiliate him in front of others. Not completely, at least. You just thought the way he death stares down the monitor and presses his lips into a line was too attractive. You couldn’t keep to yourself whenever you saw it. Your hips raised, feeling the drag of his cock inside of you. Your chest was pressed against his in a way that you could feel how rapidly he was breathing.

“Babe...” He mumbled quietly, resting his chin on top of yours. “N-not now—“

His words were once again cut off by another whiny sound when you pushed your hips back down.

You heard his teammates ask how he’s doing and he let out the most pathetic excuse of a “Fine.” you’ve ever heard.

You simply covered his mouth and continued to ride him. Tantalizingly slow, you made sure to roll your hips and really push yourself onto his lap whenever you went down. Your eyes scanned over his flushed face, noting how his eyes were watering a little. He was trying not to close them out of pleasure. His eyes were practically black with how wide his pupils were as he stared at you.

Makoto slid down the chair a little, dick throbbing in your tight cunt. It made it all the more easier for his own hips to snap up and meet your bounces. Even with your hand covering his mouth, he was still letting out small noises. Having been in this position for a while, you both needed release. You started to pick up the pace, tipping your head back in pleasure and moving one hand down to play with your clit.

He didn’t have the mind to pay attention to the game all too well when he had you debauching yourself on top of him like this. He was purposefully throwing the match at this point so that in the few seconds it took to respawn, he could grab onto your hips and rut into you feverishly. He was growling, whining. You took a moment to lean in with a lascivious grin.

“Shhh... Do you want to get caught~?”

Your voice was quiet, but you were moving just as desperately as you neared your release.

As your bring your hips to smack back onto his lap, he groans. Loud. It was a miracle it coincided with him dying in game.

“You’ll get him next match, Yuuki-san,” Jun said over the mic.

Both you and Makoto’s eyes both widen as the realization hit that the mic issue hadn’t been fixed.

He scrambled, holding you down onto his lap so all you could do was grind needily against him. It wasn’t enough to send you over the edge. You needed to come, and so did he. But Makoto wasn’t going to let either of you get what you want just yet.

He pulled the mic on his headset closer as he eyed you down. His glasses were askew and his golden hair was tousled nicely. “Yeah. About that. I think I’m going to head off for tonight though.”

Thank the stars idols needed to learn breath control to sing while dancing like they do.

“Ah? Alright. I should probably go too. Good game everyone.”

Jun and everyone else said their goodbyes as Makoto exited out of the game as quickly as possible.

With a strength both of you didn’t realize he possessed, he lifted you onto his desk. The dim light of the monitor was the only thing illuminating his face. A stern look spread across it as he pinned down your wrists.

“You’re no fair, babe.” He huffed, slowly pulling out all the way before slamming himself back in.

You pulled him in for a kiss and a wink. “Never said I was. Now make me come, baby~”

[ebonybow]

oh so we can choose which blog to reply to posts from now but im still sending asks from my stupid dead blog. anyway sex pollen scargrian 👀👀👀👀👀👀 if u dont mind

Augh I KNOW pls Tumblr, catch up!!!

I have a whole bunch of this sex pollen written but it's mostly from the start of this year, and it needs some major rewriting because I feel like I didn't have a proper grasp on their voices yet. Premise: Grian falls into a weird spore blossom cave and comes home feeling unwell, and Scar checks in on him a few times, clueless as the sex pollen fever progresses.

Sex Pollen:

Grian’s various pieces of armor are scattered in the hall outside the bathroom, as though he’d flung himself into the shower or bath the moment that Scar had left the night before, though his elytra are neatly hung in their usual spot near the door.

And then, he finds Grian in bed in his room, tucked into the back of the base, bare shoulders peaking out from beneath his bedsheets. The air is stuffy back there, almost muggy with the windows closed, and Grian is asleep face-first in his pillow.

So Scar does the most sensible thing and checks if he’s still breathing, leaning in close.

“Scar,” Grian startles awake and Scar lets out a hoot of surprise, stumbling backward to avoid being headbutted. “Why? What are you doing here? Why?”

Grian's voice is rough with sleep and confusion as he clears his throat, blearily pushing himself into a more upright position in his bed.

“Checking you’re alive,” Scar intones, as cooly and matter of factly as he can. He’s definitely not distracted by just how shirtless Grian is, as he – seemingly self-conscious – gathers his sheets and pulls them close around his torso. 

Grian is– small is the wrong word, despite the height difference. Grian is strong. You don’t haul blocks around for hours on end every day without building some muscle. 

“It’s morning?”

“It’s morning. Your bedhead is adorable.” That’s a normal Scar Thing to say, right? “Anyway, you’re breathing, so. My job here is done.”

Grian's gaze visibly softens again at Scar's flustering, and he slouches back a little bit in the bed.

"No, sorry. Sorry. I'm glad you're here," he says, and it sounds like an admission. He's still so very pink-cheeked, a reflection of the night before, but now Scar can see that it goes all the way down his chest between his pecs. He looks warm. Hot. "I'm glad you checked in on me."

It's like watching glass fog over, the way Grian's eyes cloud, suddenly hazy. He licks his lips.

"You got any water on you?"

"Well sure," Scar says, slipping his pack off his shoulder to rummage through. "Have you eaten? I have, ooh, I brought an apple."

"You brought snacks?" Grian asks, sounding somehow weaker this time, eyes wide and glossy as he looks up at Scar, accepting a bottle of water from him.

"Of course," Scar smiles, and sets an apple down on Grian's nightstand, and a small tub with some watermelon. "Who else is gonna take care of you?"

Grian suddenly makes a strange and very un-Grian noise, like a choked-off whimper, lips parting on an inhale before he bites down on his lip. Of course Scar is staring at his mouth now. Of course he is.

"Uh huh," Grian says, suddenly intent. "Scar, I need you to fuck me."

Had Scar been looking anywhere but Grian's mouth, he may have thought he misheard. Except, he literally sees the words come out of Grian's mouth.

"You- huh. You want me to check that fever?" He says, moving to get up off the bed as Grian's hand shoots out to stop him. "I might have a thermometer back at my place."

"No, Scar, listen."

"You are clearly delirious."

"I'm not. I mean I am, probably, but listen."

It's not hard to break free from Grian's grasp, and Scar takes a step back to catch his breath. The room is stiflingly warm, even more apparent now than before.

"You- you want to take care of me right?" Grian  rises to his knees just to get closer to Scar again, clutching his bedsheets close over his lap to at least preserve some dignity, Scar assumes.

"Of course," Scar says, but it comes out weaker than he'd appreciate. The words have an entirely new meaning now but his answer is still the same.

[turmoilcity]

OFFICIAL LOVE POTION STORY LEAK

This projects getting too big so i leaks it

Episode: Love Potion

Synopsis: Dylan is hit with a love ray after fukkn around Chellvan's bot. these the results

Meanwhile in Chellvans lab.

“Augh I can’t believe they foiled my plans again!” He shouts to the air.

“Maybe if you had took our idea instead-” Aliyanna says boredly.

“WHAT WAS THAT?”

“DUDE” Haiden speaks up, “You’re always winning about not having a support team, but you never take our suggestions!”

“That’s because all your suggestions are dumb.” Chellvan huffs. 

Drystan the most serious or emo one of the group crosses his arms “So why do you waste our team with this whole “Villain group shtick?””

“Waste your time? HA. You’re lucky I found you’re sorry ass in the alley that day!”

“When are we gonna actually take down the GAME team!?” Aliyanna interjects. “You always say we will but then we get our butts handed to us. And I hate losing!”

“Ugh, why don’t you idiots get that this isn’t some easy over night scheme? Taking over game may take weeks, months- years. This is a hero agency we’re talking about, with decades of secrets and-”

“Womp. Womp. Womp, you gonna go into your snoring loser lecture again.”

The group laughs at Haiden, but he gets choked up and then everyone goes silent.

Chellvan is serious, “If I’m a loser, what does that make you troubled, little sheep?”

It gets very serious until Ishmel adds, “LOSER BY ASSOCIATION. BOO.”

“You’re such an idiot” Haiden groans

Chellvan sighs and tosses haiden aside. “The idiot is right. You ARE a loser by association.” He turns a bewildered look unto them, “All of you are! And I’d hate to bed losers.”

It goes quiet again, and ishmel raises a hand, “I think sleeping with losers is fine. Sure, some people may argue that it’s a self esteem thing, but it’s not about who you lay with, rather the experience two possible lovers can share-”

“He’s talking about letting us sleep in his mansion!” Drystan says exasperatedly.

“Oh.” Ishmel blinks.

“I think we’re done having this conversation.” Chellvan says snudely brushing his collar. 

“But before we go, I think it’s best if we mention something that was possibly a win on our end.”

Chellvan turns, intrigued, “Really?”

“Yes. we’ve hit their leader, Dylan.”

----

ATHEGAME HOUSE

“DYLANNN!” Lillian wails

Jenna groans, “Lillian, it’s not like he’s dead! Stop screaming in the guys ear.

“I haven’t seen Dylan this unresponsive since we had to raid that DDLG furry convention.” Collin says.

“eUgh. Please do not bring that up.” Justin shudders.

“Dylan! Say something!” Lillian cries, holding dylan by her lap.

Bella appears with a pan, “I’ve got it,” she says readying a blow.

Unintelligible noise comes from Dylan as he stirs awake. Lillian squeals with glee as bella adopts a look of defeat.

“Dammit.He always wakes up before I can panfry him.”

“DYLAN! ARE YOU OKAY!?”

Dylan see’s two lillians. He moans trying to  say something.

Collin comes in over his shoulder, “Woah, dude… there are like… hearts in your eyes. 

“LEMME SEE?” the group says and ambush Dylan trying to look into his eyes. There in fact hearts in them. 

Lillain gasps.

He pushes them all away, and rubs at them muttering incohensively.

From the pile that was pushed, manny says, “what was that, Dylan? yOu’re kind of… muttering-”

“I said, which one of you idiots actually smell like ass?”

Bella sniffs her brother. “That would be Justin.”

SHe sniffs her pitt, “Actually, that might be me.” SHe smirks.

“HEY-”

The group take a protracted stage step left.

Lillian rushes to Dylan again, “Oh, dylan! I’m so glad you woke up!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he pushes her aside, still a bit dazed. “All the screaming and lights, it’s giving me a major headache.”

“SOMEBODY KILL THE LIGHTS!” Lillian barks. SOmeone turns the lights out while Dylan gives lillian an exasperated look. The sun light is still shining through. “AND THE OTHER LIGHTS” she orders.

“Lillian. That’s the sun.” savannah says.

“DYLAN SAID NO LIGHTS!” she turns to dylan apologetically, “Don’t worry Dylan! If there’s a Lil, there’s a Way! “ She takes off determintedley. 

The group looks after her. 

Without taking his eyes from Lillian, collin says to bella, “Why was your sister dressed as a nurse?”

“I don’t know. Figured it was a kink thing.”

“She obviously dressed that way to make a point of helping Dylan,” Jenna sighs as if it’s obvious. 

“She’s obviously, very dumb,” Bella stage whispers to Collin.

“Dylan, you’ve been passed out since the fight? How are you feeling?” Jennas asks to Dylan kneeling in front of him. 

He’s rambling, “Wow, and you guys didn’t even think to call a doctor? I’ll definitley remember this in the future if one of you gets hure-” Jenna appears infront of him. “Heaven?”

“Huh?”Jenna frowns.

“What?” Savannah and Meghan say simultaneously.

“NO.” Bella interjects boulderzing Jenna out of the way. At Bella’s appearance, the hearts in dylans eyes fade. “Let me see this boy! You have to be SERIOUSLY sick in the head if you think JENNA is heaven.”

“I’d like to think I’m a catch.” Jenna throws in coy over bella’s shoulder.

“Nobody asked you,” Bella glares eerily back at her. 

“That you are,” Dylan says in a gravelly voice, stunning bella so much she cracks her neck back to him.

Jenna goes noticeably red as meghan and Savannah squeal at the fanservice display. Dylan punts bella with force to her friends Collin and manny. 

“HEY!” Bella barks. 

“Hey yourself,” Dylan says, eyes on jenna. Jenna looks flushed.

“What the….” Everyone is quiet as Dylan looks at jenna who’s reddening more. She snaps at him, “DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.  DYLAN, I AM YOUR COMRADE.”

“In that case” Collin speaks up, “ What’s wrong with a little… comradery?” he taunts.

The other’s “Oooh”

Jenna goes even redder.

SUDDENLY IT’S PITCH BLACK. Everyone blinks.

LILLIAN HAS SUCCSEFULLY MANAGED TO COVER THE SUN WITH A SPECAIL SPHERE 

“IF THERE’S A LIL… THERE’S A WAY!!!!” Lillian cries heroically

⚠️NEWSFLASH⚠️

A young male news reporter comes in on the news, “This just in, our town ‘Turmoil’ is literally about to go into an ice age due to our incompetent heroes FUCKING OVER HUMANITY AGAIN. WHY CAN’T WE HAVE A NORMAL DAY IN THIS TOWN?”

In chellvans residence everyone is confused. 

Chellvan shudders by a custom fire place, ‘i can’t believe I lost to these idiots.”

BACK AT THE GAME MANSION

Dylan's ringer goes off and he answers it, "yeah, I’m own it.  Me too Mrs. Anne…. Me too.’

‘What did Mrs. Anne say?’ Collin asks, fog coming from his mouth.

“She says we better go see what the hell is going on before she skins your asses alive.”

“Ms. Anne would never say that?” Savannah gasps.

Dylan begans, “You’re right, she wouldn’t. I did. Now let’s go.”

---

OUTSIDE THE TOWNS PEOPLE ARE RUNNING FRANTIC IN THE DARK CHILLED STREETS. ONE OF THEM BUMPS INTO BELLA

“Oof! I never understood why these guys run like chickens every time a minor inconvenience happens.”

Justin looks at her, “We literally just dropped sixty degrees in the last five minutes.”

Bella frowns, “Then they'd better be going to get something to throw over their arms.”

“Those guys are.” Manny nods to a group of guys trying to rob a store. Manny, Justin and Bella take off after them.

Savannah looks to the sky where Lillian is still defiantly blocking the sun, “Lillian! Let the sun go, you’re causing a literal out rage down here!”

Lillian strains as she holds the sphere, “MUST. PROTECT. DYLAN.”

“Protect Dylan from what?” Dylan says casually appearing by Lillian’s side. Lillian looks up and brightens. At the sight of him, she forgets the sun and drops the sphere to throw her arms around dylan instead. 

“Dylan! You’re okay!” She cheers. 

Dylan smiles and allows Lillian to take him down to the ground again.

⚠️NEWSFLASH.⚠️

The newsreporter is disgruntled and out of breath, “This just in… We get to see another day.” he falls out his chair.

The crowd claps as Lillian and Dylan land. 

“Alright, alright, shows over,” Jenna huffs. Several cameras appear in her face with news reporters ready for the scope.

Lillian nuzzles Dylan, Dylan is okay with this, but Collin, Manny and Savvanh give the pair a weird look. Bella, Manny and Justin reappear with the bad guys. 

Bella is furious, she storms up to them, ‘HEY! WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?”

Manny is confused, “yeah, I thought you were just crushing on Jenna? Is she gonna be cool with that?” To this jenna turns her head. 

Dylan gives lillian a look of admiration, “Who cares when you’ve got a girl that would literally block the sun for you.” He goes to hug lillian back, making Lillian blush.

“Oh, Dylan.” she purrs.

The group relches.

“Well, that worked in my favor,” Jenna says, ignoring the mics and reviewers still asking her questions. She hones in on Dylan and his eyes, that has hearts in them. She thinks… “Wait a second…”

---

GAME AGENCY.

In the heroes counseling room, Mrs. Anne paces in front of them, not pleased.

“32 town threatening situations in one month! You kids have caused more chaos then there is time? How on earth is that possible!?”

When we get to Dylan, he’s holding lillian in his lap telling her how adorable she is. Bella isn’t very happy about this situation. 

“And you two!” Mrs. Anne warns stopping in front of the cuddly couple. “What’s with this lovey dovey thing?”

“You didn’t hear Mrs. Anne?” Bella groans sarcastically, “Dylan and Lillian are the newest super romance, according to the town.” She shoves her phone in front Mrs. Anne where an article shows of the two getting sundaes together.

Mrs. Anne is sheepish, “well then… i suppose I can brush up on checking in with my team myself.”

“Are we in trouble because Lillian tried to block the sun? Jenna asks boredly.

Mrs. Anne looks up, “Well i can’t not punish you guys, for that stunt you pulled earlier. What would that make me look like? You’ll get three assignments on geology over the weekend.”

The group groans, collin gathers them, “c'mon group. If we cant do geology for 3 days, then how can we battle the toughest villains?”

SHUT UUUUUUUUP” Bella barks. 

“Ur  just saying that because Ms. Anne is right there aren't you?” Megan groans. 

As the group leaves, ms. Anne looks wearily at dylan and LIllian in their own little world. 

“Dylan,” She says, capturing his attention. “Can i speak with you?”

Dylan kisses Lillian’s cheek before walking up to Mrs. anne a glow about him. 

“What’s up?” he says. 

Mrs. anne is weary, “i don’t know I just…” she looks out at Lillian who is mindlessly giddy. “You and lillian?”

“She’s cute, right?” he smirks.

Mrs. anne smiles, “yes but…. Wait are those… hearts? …In your eyes?

Ms. Anne looks panicked. "Call the group back."

Dylan is oblivious as he grins, “Hm?”

---

“So he’s under a love potion?” Bella asks disinterestedly.

“A quick check up from our doctors and scientists of GAME confirms that Dylan has higher hormoronal charge than usual-”

“HA.” Bella laughs. “So that must mean barely any.”

“The love potion he’s under is a spell that acts as a parasite. If he finds any alluring or charming traits of an individual, the chemicals imbalance to favor his new target.”

“Ick.” Collin grimmaces.

“It’s best you guys keep him indoors, to save him and yourself any trouble.” Ms. Anne explains casually.

“Ms. Anne.” Dylan speaks up, raising his hand. “Has anyone ever told you that you are an incredibly bright woman-”

“Okay, enough lolly gagging get out of my office.” SHe pushes them all out.

---

“AUGH! Dylan and Lillian are an item now?!” Aliyanna expresses in disgust looking at her phone. 

Drystan looks bored, “Well I guess that love potion was affective,” he says to Chellvan who is looking out the window. 

Chellvan ignored them, “Well I guess that’s a point for ANTI GAME MWAHAHA”

Haiden laughs obnoxiously, “HAH! You’re lucky that love potion never hit one of us! Could you imagine Aliyanna and I ever flirting with each other?”

“Who said I’d be flirting with you?” Aliyanna mumbled under her breath. 

THE OTHERS JOIN IN ON HIS EVIL LAUGH-

“Yeah, I’m not sure I really like that name.”

Why did you choose to shoot them with a love potion?” Drystan asks

Chellvan gives him the utmost maniacal look, “because…”

The group waits in anticipation. 

It hits drysatn. He cringes, “Don’t tell me it’s Just-”

“JUST BECAUSE” Chellvan laughs maniacally. 

----

BACK AT THE GAME HOUSE.

“I just don’t think I can do this anymore.’ Dylan says unfazed. 

“NOOOOOOOO” Lillian cries. She recomposes herself “okay.” Lillian skips away, 

“Well, that went a lot easier than I expected.” Savannah mutters. 

“And as for you.” Dylan says, seemingly towards Savannah.

She winced, “Oh, boy-”

“Not you, Behind you.” 

Over Savannahs shoulder is Collin. Everyone turns to him. 

“You, come here.” Dylan motions him towards himself. 

“What am I guilty of this time?” Collin groans. 

“Nothing.” Dylan starts. “But being so damn cute on that car ride home. Has anyone ever told you, you're adorable when you do what's right? That whole “Come on guys. Lets do the right thing! Lets learn geology’ team spirit is just the type of character that gets my motorboat running.”

The group GUFFAWS. 

Collin is confused, “I-I-”

“You don't have to say too much, just take your cute ass to my room and we can finish our discussion there-”

Collin gasps. But Bella bombards through again. 

“ENOOOOUGH.” She cries. Now she gives Dylan an offended, “first it was Jenna. Then my twin, now you're flirting with my BEST FRIEND!?!?!? This has gone TOO FAR.”

“and what are you gonna do about it?” Dylan smirks at her. 

Bella growls, “I'm gonna kick your-”

“MONTAGE!!!” :D Lillian cries over the both of them. 

Montage Timmmmmme

“THAT”S IT!” Bella barks as Dylan watches tv. Je looks confused until he’s almost tackled. He spins out of it causing bella to hit the floor hard with a thud.

“Jeez… whats your problem?” he asks the slightest impressed.

She hops and dusts herself off, then gives him an accusing glare, “you…”

She lurches for him engaging in a fight as Dylan blocks every move

THE CREATOR OF THIS WEBSERIES IS NOT GOOD WITH ANATOMY NOR ACTION SCENES, AND THIS STORY HAS GOTTEN TOO LONG… LET’S FAST FORWARD :D 

Both Bella and Dyan are out of breath. 

Dylan pants swiping his brow, ‘What… -huff- the fuck… -huff- is YOUR PROBLEM?”

“YOU MADE GOOGLY EYES AT EVERYONE IN THIS PLACE BUT ME” Bella cries. She falls to her knees. “How could you do this to me? You know I live to get all your attention.”

Dylan blinks and looks at her, some cogs in his head seemingly turning, “You….  did all this,” he looks back at the destroyed living room. “For me?” His gaze goes softer as a gentle melody begins to grow- He suddenly gets a dark glare, “Who the hell is gonna clean ALL OF THIS UUUUUP” He says rising to grow an electric ball over his fist. There’s suddenly a thud outside and both parties turn to look. The rest of the team also happen to appear. 

Chellvans back at it again. Causing mayhem

“I’ll get the hose.” Manny blinks before walking off.

---

Chellvan laughs maniaccly again, this time in a much smaller robot suit as he stands atop of a building, firing st the town. Bella suddenly appears to spin kick him at the back of his head, knocking him over. He falls off the ledge. 

“E z” she says. Lillian flies down to get him urgent care.

“Now, where were we?” Bella turns back around to Dylan. He holds his hands up.

“Because.” Dylan starts. “I’ve learned over these past couple of hours that really… truly- none of you are my type. You’re all weird and annoying, and quite frankly, I’m embarrassed that I fell in love with any of you idiots to begin with.”

“Up. up. I’m not gonna fight you over this whole love ordeal.”

“Why not?” she says still getting into pose.

It goes quiet for a moment before Bella blares “WHAT?” she begins to fly off the handle, the rest of the team standing back, watching the scene.

“When he was calling us annoying he was talking about you guys,” Justin crossed his arms. “Not me.” As they conversate, the town is still in hysteria. There should be no music on this part.

“Welp.” Savannah sighs. “I guess that’s the end of Dylan’s love spell.”

“He went out sort of weak,” Collin shrugged. 

“Thank God that’s over.” Jenna says. Before flying off the rooftop.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS.

ROLL CREDITS

https://www.wattpad.com/story/367528032?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=BeeCried

[chaoskid-deer]

😅, 🏆, 💔 answer me, ps5

I'm still haunting you I see :)

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

Ahhhh I feel like you already know the answer to this one. I am super proud of this fic, because I think it had strong, clear themes, great prose, and as with all my fics it's a testament to my hard work and ability to finish something. HOWEVER, I was fighting off the shame demons to post Tell Me About A Complicated Man, and as much as I want to show it to everyone and ask them what they think I am also very embarassed to show it.

I feel like it has a lot of darker themes than my usual work, so I feel like I gotta attach a warning whenever I'm showing it to people. Frankenstien x his monster isn't that crazy a ship within the fandom, but I also feel like I can understand some sidelong looks over it. What can I say, I like seeing characters psychosexually torture each other.

Also, it's porn, and I've never written it before, and I feel like it says a little TOO MUCH about things I find hot

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

AUGH THIS IS ALSO KIND OF WILD. It's a Buzzfeed Unsolved fanfiction I wrote when I was 16 that has almost 2k kudos and was at one point both one of the longest bfu fics and on the first page of bfu fanfic sorted by kudos. I am super proud of it because it is the first long piece of fiction I've ever finished, and it's novel length, which is a crazy achievement. I think the plot was moving and I really found my stride as a writer. I got fanart for it that I really cherish, and some really kind, moving comments. It was my first time I've really felt a part of a fandom community and I found it to be a really motivating, positive experience.

That being said, I now have some more complicated feelings about RPF, and while I don't regret writing it or begrudge anyone else for writing it, I don't think I'd write RPF again. Also, there are some bits of it, especially in the beginning, that I would rewrite or cut completely. The start is kind of silly and meandering at times. I was posting chapters before the whole thing had finished, which is I think what pushed me to finish it, but also meant that I couldn't go back and tighten up the whole work as a whole. Once it was posted, that was it! I couldn't change it! Now I like to finish the whole work before I post a chapter, because I often only find out what a fic is actually about halfway through writing it.

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

Nope! I am an evil fanfic writer and hurting characters brings me nothing but glee. There's a major character death fic involving one of my clone ocs that I look forward to writing with a dreamy smile on my face. Live in fear.

[springcatalyst]

AUGH morgan is THE most interesting walking dead character. he really seems to be operating on a sort of low level of disassociation constantly after duane dies. it gets obviously worse in response to major trauma but even when he's relatively 'normal' he's still not quite... real.

after duane dies he falls into that state of isolated fight or flight that made him need to clear and he stays there for a LONG time. that time, because it lasts so long, becomes a sort of baseline. he returns to that whenever things happen in the future- when ben dies, when he loses people in the savior fight- even after getting out of it. its a sort of 'safe' state of extreme dissociation that built up as a return state while he was in it the first time. thats what happens when he seems to just freak out to other people, lashing out, trying to kill people- thats the switch being flipped to that return state of obsessive dissociative fear.

BUT even when he's not... when he gets better with the cheesemaker or when he's with rick and the others in alexandria. he still seems sort of distant. he's living in a world that is just barely not reality. you cant always tell, but sometimes it comes up and he does something or says something that leaves a distinct feeling that he is ... not quite untethered, but loose in a way other people arent.

he completely believes that he cannot die. he never questions it at all, this is as real to him as anything else. he knows other people might not know, but doesnt expect that it would strike them as odd or impossible because. well. and so then we get these scenes where he has unwavering faith in his inability to he killed not out of arrogance or cockiness, but just because it is True. to him.

and he is Aware of his frayed tether to reality but only in the sense that he knows he can be pushed back into the extreme, NOT in the sense that his usual is reality but skewed slightly. so he is still very clearly Struggling but hes only conscious of a small part of it. i dont have a point im trying to get to i just think he is fucking fascinating. he is just.... distant from the world. i can SEE him seeing it through a bell jar. god i love morgan

[des-no9]

Just finished reading In The Rain, and when I tell you I weeped... 💙 That absolutely fucking gorgeous, heart breaking, heart soothing, hilarious (I swear, I love your sense of humor) signature writing of yours still has my very house trembling from how loud I reacted on the journey. It's like I was actually playing BG3, you get the canon characters and their many flavors, and your original ones know how to establish theirs with such confidence. I devoured these 10,500 words, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. There is no ache like reaching the end of a good piece of writing, even when you know all good things have a pause, an end, and this one was most satisfying. It's not just skin and leather this fight and fuck shed, it was lies, masks, and that kind of symbolism has me weak. Your writing is overflowing with characterization, and I don't just mean this snappy, so fucking real dialogue that makes me feel a part of the scenery, I mean I found myself thinking like Vanquish through pacing itself. When she accidentally revealed Emp, my brain somehow brushed over the word "illithid" because of the urgency, the speed at which she blurts it out. I basically made the same mistake as she did. I wouldn't have it any other way, it made the escalation even more powerful and harsh. There is so much to comment on and quote I could praise for hours, so I'll focus on the second thing that really had me, and it's how they connect over Caiphon, the link to Voss' sword. It's something so intimate, a moment where two become one through a curiosity driven conversation alone. It really seals their relationship beyond just something physical (though physical relationships are beautiful, do not get it twisted), almost feels like they were always meant to be. I just... Fuck they make me so ill (positive statement). No such a thing as enough Van/Voss in this world. They make me feel so many things, but I think the consensus is they make me damn happy. Thank you as always for sharing your blood and tears (writing haha) with us. 💙

I swear I've read this just....so many times I can't count. Thank you so much love. I can't even begin to express how much it means to me how much this fic and Vanquish and Voss' relationship connects with you and how much you enjoy it.

I was especially touched when you said you enjoy my humour because I always think I'm not funny at all dkjdfj and that I struggle with humour. So I'm really glad my attempts at it come across well.

And I long realised when I started writing seriously that I wasn't like....much of a long form plot writer, but more of a character writer. Short form, moments, character study, emotion. I'm really, just so really happy you enjoy it augh. And the dialogue!!! That is also something I've struggled with a LOT and I've put a lot of work into. It's been really nice to see improvement honestly <33 and feel the characters come through more in the dialogue.

OKay okay so I'm going to ramble some more about Vanquish, Voss, his Silver Sword and Caiphon under the cut a bit sldkfjsdf

AHHH THANK YOU LOVE I'm SO HAPPY you liked that. Like....when I've been reading up on lore about Caiphon, the Far Realms, Silver Swords, the Living Gate and then I was like......fuck they're all kind of connected in a way aren't they? And I just....ran with it LOL

I took what little there was and just expanded. Voss and the githyanki are connected in ways to the illithid and their past in negative ways, but ways that push them forward away from it too. To become something else that shape them into their own people their own voice and power (while re-creating that cycle of violence...anyway LOL)

And for Vanquish, she is so devastatingly (from her past etc) connected to Caiphon and Y'chak in several ways, but also makes it into something that is useful and good (to her) and powerful and hers, where the lines blur for her that she essentially carries a piece of the Far Realms and these Elder Evils within her flesh and blood until she's dead.

I wanted to kind of reflect how thye're both connected to things in pain and the veins of it kind of lead to the same destination (all roads lead to Rome kinda thing idk idk), but for this connection between them now, it is positive, mostly.

New things, anyway. They are both moving forward. Changing. That, is the important thing. Growth and connection together, through chaos and pain.

Maybe they were always meant to be :3 (they also make me SICK HAHA SICKKJDHFSDF)

thank you again so much my love <333 thank you

[waitineedaname]

chefs kiss EVERYTHING YOU SAID. also i just think. two very not normal brothers having very normal parents is soo foul like where can the kageyama parents learn how to raise these fucked up little cats.

plus i get the feeling ritsu and mob were the kind of kids that talked about literally anything and everything to their parents and to each other before the incident and now they became just...slightly awkward acquaintances (might be projecting)

also umm about ritsu autism..projecting but i feel like he'd be like damn i think i might be nd :/ and ten seconds later he's like No i am Not. i am literally so regular and fine. i just want to use that as an excuse for me being lazy and a jerk and awful. very not cool. :/ (he will mask even when no one is around) (he and the person he thinks he is are particularly different people at this point)

I KNOWWWW there aren't any fucking parenting books about raising esper children! they're still better off than most of the other parent situations in the series, like teru's parents straight up aren't around and shou's relationship with his dad is all kinds of fucked up. the kageyamas at least have a home that's stable and parents that love them in their own flawed ways, but they just don't understand what their kids are going through. and I agree, the Incident drove a huge wedge through that whole family. I bet their parents could probably tell their sons weren't telling them something, but getting the truth out of these traumatized kids would've been like pulling teeth, so I don't know if they pushed it that much

and YEAHH AUGH I AM GOING TO SHAKE HIM AROUND LIKE A SNOWGLOBE. he'll be having an awful brain time and be like "something might be wrong in here" and then the next thought is like "no you're just being dramatic, you're clearly so ordinary and normalcore, you're not exactly like your brother so clearly you must be neurotypical" <- is a dumbass

[sennenpharaoh]

I Want to Be With You, Always

Atem was doing as he was told, being there for Yugi. Making sure his partner wasn't alone and letting him know that he was always there, all he had to do was ask. Last time they had slept together it was Atem's nightmare that they were both trapped in, dreaming of Atem's "new" Soul Room. Of course ever since his little "curse" (if he wanted to call it that) he had been avoiding his Room, and most recently avoiding mirrors in general.

Tonight was different.

Tonight was just a nice relaxing trip to his partner's Memory Room, ignoring the dark reflection's attempts to interrupt. So long as Atem was inside a Memory Room, he was safe from the dark reflection, and so he would just stay in there. Looking at the walls of pictures, watching the antique television of their moments together, running his hand along the golden box where the Puzzle used to reside in. It was calming, something to latch on to, to keep him grounded. How he wished that when Yugi was here he was able to show him all the good memories that the two made together, but alas--

"Augh!!!"

A cry out as he brought his hands to his chest, face twisted in great pain. "My hands... they're burning... what's happening... to my hands...?" It felt like his hands were on fire! Although looking at them... they seemed fine, but... very shaky. Extremely shaky. "What's going on...? Was this..." No, this wasn't the reflection's doing, for he was unable to enter a room.

Wait... Aibou? Something must have happened to Yugi in his dream!

Trying to recover he looked at his hands again, then blinked in surprise. Feeling Aibou's pain, yes. That made sense. But their Link was barely there, so he'd only feel a fraction, which meant that...

Oh. Oh no.

He had to wake up. Now. Had to check on--

As he flung the door open, leaving Yugi's Memory Room, he felt a rush to his head, causing him to grasp his head and collapse to one knee.

"What's... going... on...?" It was a rush of emotion he'd never felt. Anger, anguish, desperation, pain... heartbreak. Oh. Of course. Just had to wait for him to come out, didn't he? "You did this, didn't you?!" He yelled out, expecting to hear the dark reflection, but only found silence, save for...

A scream.

A loud scream of anguish that echoed through the halls. It was loud... but distant. It wasn't from here. He could follow it well enough, but when he tried to...

He found a door.

A door, covered in dust, cobwebs, save for the handle. He knew that door. He had opened that door before, and every time it was the same. Just a hallway. Nothing else.

He looked at the door. Then shook his head.

"D... don't..." He groaned, feeling his head start to pound a little. "You're going to see the same thing... as you always do. Don't." A hiss in pain from his hands and the pounding in his head. He needed to wake up and check on Yugi, not follow some false hope. Besides, they'd already confirmed the Link was weak at best. Opening it would do nothing. Just like every other time he's opened it.

And yet... he still wants to open it.

Don't.

He stands up.

You're going to be hurt again, and then what would Aibou say?

He moves forward.

It's the same thing every time.

He looks at the dusty, cobweb covered door.

Stop. Just... stop.

He brings a shaky hand to the pristine handle.

When will you learn?

A slow turn... then a push.

It creaks open.

[nezz-cringe-crib]

MY GOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE ANALYZE THIS SCENE AUGH YOU DID SUCH A GOOD JOB IT'S ACTUALLY INSANE

i'd like to add my own thoughts onto this though because i actually do think these scenes depict a LOT about light's emotional/mental state, it's just never directly stated, moreso meant to be analyzed. (and i also think that the way light avoids questions in both the jdrama and the anime give off very different analyses, which i'll explain later because that also goes hand-in-hand about the lack of emotional scenes you've mentioned).

starting off with that rain scene from the anime, i fully believe that there is an internal mental dialogue going on between those two. obviously i don't mean they're like telepathically communicating or whatever, but in the same way that their hair turns colors when their internal monologues get intense and they're able to pretty accurately understand what the other is thinking. in this scene specifically, i interpret it as L trying to get light to admit the truth to him. L is already inside light's head. he already knows that he's going to die and it'll most likely be by light's hand. the only thing he has to gain from this confrontation in the rain is light's vulnerability:

"Tell me, Light. From the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" (I am going to die. We both know I am going to die. Our game will be over. You have no reason to keep putting up a defense. So in these last moments, will you admit the truth to me? Will you admit that any of this has mattered to you, and our game will not have ended in vain? That you are vulnerable? That this is not what you want?) (i might be overstretching that but shshsh you get the point)

and then light's response to this, that generic people-pleasing response, could essentially be interpreted as him intentionally ignoring everything that L is trying to get him to do. light knows that L sees him for who he truly is-- a human. he is not a god, he is not a top student, he is not the perfect son. he is just a human. and i think in a way that scares light, because it's forcing him to remember his humanity. it's something he has intentionally shut out (for probably years before even picking up the death note, if we're going with the notion that anime light is "already evil") in order to maintain his reputation, and later his identity as kira. that's why he refuses to acknowledge anything L is telling him because he knows it's true. he knows that L knows that he knows. for maybe the first time in his life, he is being forced to address what he has known his entire life but refuses to admit.

i think the closest light gets to ever admitting it is when he begins to dry L's hair. i think that's his way of finally agreeing with L on everything he has called him out on, even though he still refuses to ever say it out loud. i like to interpret that "You're still soaked" bit as a final "(I know)".

anyways now onto the jdrama because although light does the same avoidance shit he does in the anime, i feel like those are both two very different things.

in the jdrama, light has a shit ton of emotional scenes. we understand where his mind is at a lot of the time. the only reason he is kira is because he felt pushed into doing so, and now he believes it's too late to go back. he never really wanted to become kira. if it weren't for that hostage situation with his father, i highly doubt light would have ever picked up the death note again. this is what makes jdrama light differ so much more from anime light. he was never "evil from the start", and i would argue that he still isn't "evil". he's just been terribly thrown around and is following through what he thinks is all that's left for him.

and that mindset definitely shows in that final interaction between him and L. unlike his anime counterpart, light actually does answer L's wishes. "This is the only way we could have met" is him acknowledging what L is saying and refuting it with his own beliefs. i feel like anime light would've been more keen towards ignoring the sentiment entirely. and i think the reason jdrama light acknowledges this is because it's like he's actively trying to convince himself that this was the only way they could have met. he's trying to convince himself that everything he has done has meant something, that this was his destiny and he couldn't have done anything about it.

this is also why jdrama L reacts so much more differently than L in the anime, because in this situation, L and light are not on the same wavelength. L can see that light is making a desperate attempt to prove all his actions as something justifiable and worth it, meanwhile L's trying to show light that he's wrong. it's why L outright yells about how "justice will always prevail" (can't remember the exact quote but i think everybody knows what i'm talking about lolz). L believes there is still something worth saving in light. he's not trying to get light to admit his vulnerability, he's trying to save it.

anyways that's all the thoughts i have on the sillies. thank u for ur analysis, i hope my braindump is equally silly. :3

Hiiiiiii. Episode 25/26 lawlight analysis rant thingy here. I don't know how to write an intro for this so let's just get to it LOL

I think one of the reasons that the rain/foot scenes stick out so much (the. Sheer insanity of a Foot Massage Scene in an anime revolving around two guys trying to kill each other aside 💀) is the fact that the anime specifically suffers a bit in terms of adapting a few of the "emotional" moments in death note.

And I don't mean "emotionally impactful" exactly. For example I think the adaptations of scenes like Raye and Naomi's deaths were very impactful and the atmospheres of their final scenes were great, but I mean more from a characterization standpoint (if that makes sense). Being more focused on mind and logic games, Death Note as a whole isn't as invested in individual characters' deeper feelings as it is in its action (which isn't necessarily a criticism per say, it's simply part of the nature of a mystery thriller series). But just because they're fewer and farther between doesn't mean there are none at all. In the manga we do get to see, for example, how much Light actually cared for his family and especially Sayu, and how he actually felt more conflicted and suffered lack of sleep/appetite when he first used the Death Note.

The anime specifically as an adaptation is pretty good at adapting the main mind fuckery and action of Death Note, but its lacking in properly adapting scenes like the ones I mentioned above is a criticism I see somewhat often, and it's pretty fair imo. Compared to all the other adaptations, it certainly seems to fall short on an emotional level: the musical has entire songs going in depth about the characters feelings and relationships, the 2015 jdrama is. Insane and has its emotional moments in spades (because it's a TV drama, which are more focused on portraying emotional conflict and the like), even the 2006 movies has its emotional beats and L Change the WorLd is. Well. Oh Man.

Anime Light to a lot of people is like. Light but he's "already evil" (which I have my own thoughts on but I digress). Light but after using the Death Note for like 2 minutes he's already like "fuck yeah time to kill criminals". Basically the anime doesn't take as much time to delve into his less cynical sides or really delve into his already vague and harder to decipher feelings in general, he is noticeably colder from the get-go here, etc.

But that's part of why I think episode 25 manages to stand out so much tonally (apart from it being, y'know, the episode L literally Dies). I love the episode so much and could probably rant for hours about how much I love the artistic choices made in it but what I'm trying to get at here is that it's one of the very few moments where the show tries to go deeper into specific character's emotions, and one of the very few moments where the show Attempts (emphasis on "attempts" because, well, you'll see in a bit) to get more in-depth into Light's feelings apart from his cynicism/apathy/justice. ness.

L in these two scenes in episode 25 is, well, pretty damn open about how he feels. It's usually interpreted as him knowing that he's going to die, and you can see it. He visibly looks/sounds lost, somber, etc. He never really had much to hide around Light to begin with (since he doesn't really care about hiding himself the same way Light does) but especially not now and it Shows, and I personally thought it was pretty cool to delve into his thoughts/show how he feels this way. The somberness can be felt throughout the entire scene, even people who don't already know the plot of Death Note from the manga could probably tell that he's about to die.

In the manga, once L starts suspecting Misa again and Rem realizes what Light is trying to do, it goes straight to Watari and L's deaths, but the anime instead gives a distinct and unexpected pause in the middle of this where L contemplates his own death. It's fucking great, and the shift from straight action to slower emotional weight makes these scenes stand out a lot, since, like I said, the show usually focuses more on the former. But it's kind of ironic, too.

Not only does the anime open up L's feelings more in these scenes, but it also tries to dig deeper into Light's feelings as well through L. And it's really funny honestly because while, yes, these are the more "emotionally open" scenes of the anime Light still manages to be Incredibly avoidant and contribute almost nothing to the entire ordeal.

L is visibly upset -> "Yeah Ryuzaki, you're not making any sense at all" (Not addressing the obvious conflict from L)

"Tell me, Light. From the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" -> "[The most stale, over-explained, avoidant answer to a "yes/no" question that you could ever hear + blatant attempts to reframe the question]"

(L's half-smile here kills me) "I had a feeling you'd say something like that" -> [Nothing]

"I'm sorry" -> [Nothing]

"It'll be lonely won't it? You and I will be parting ways soon" -> [Nothing]

^ From this point Light continues to say literally Nothing for the rest of the scene. I'm not even joking, from then on the rest of Light's voicelines are reduced to nothing but vague noises of confusion.

Everytime L calls Light out as a person ("Has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?" / "I had a feeling you'd say something like that." / "Won't it be lonely?") he doesn't actually acknowledge anything. Out of those three lines, he only answers verbally to if he's ever told the truth, and even then it's the most blatantly people-pleasing answer ever, as it usually is with Light. And I don't think it's because Light just. Doesn't care about any of what L's saying at all, or that he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about (questioning Light's authenticity as a person, saying it would be lonely when they part), instead he's choosing not to acknowledge any of what this means about himself or him and L at all. He's like a fucking wall.

And like, for the truth question in particular, the show makes sure that you know it's not something that Light just. Doesn't care enough about to answer. The hard cuts to silence are a very rare but extremely effective way that the show conveys an extremely important moment (see: Light regaining his memories, Matsuda noticing Light opening the warehouse door before he escapes (not as much of a "direct" cut to silence but still)), and cuts to multiple angles/framings/zooms of the exact same shot are also used for the same purpose (see: Light hugging Misa when she was crying, Matsuda aiming his gun to shoot Light, Light regaining his memories Again). Just like the scene where Light gets his memories back, the moment L's question finishes the show utilizes both. That question cut Deep. There's is a solid Almost 5 seconds of silence before the sound of the rain gradually starts fading back in, and honestly that should be telling enough as is (but of course Light doesn't actually admit that. Or anything at all really, so). Oh also another fun detail! We do not see Light's face At All (except for the shot where you can see his mouth moving but not his eyes), for the Entire time that he's going on his spiel to L. We Will Be Revisiting This Later, by the way. This is not, in fact, the first time you're going to see this detail from Light.

The only sort of reciprocation that we see from Light during Any of these two scenes is when Light dries L's hair while L dries his feet. Biblical meanings/references aside it's interesting because it's the only time he directly does anything "for" L in these scenes, but even then he doesn't try to pass it off as anything meaningful really the same way L does ("You're still soaked", a purely neutral and factual statement. It doesn't Add Anything compared to L's. Sin atonement loneliness grieving stuff. While Light is showing his own reciprocation to this more personal moment he also tries to keep it impersonal enough that it doesn't actually have to mean anything deep). And when L says "I'm sorry" after he once again gets no response from Light. It's also after this that L gets that pained look on his face, like he knows that at this point he's not actually going to get anything meaningful from Light (again, very significant and rare from L in the show. We've seen him in distress (see: when Ukita died, hell, when Watari dies), but even then he mostly manages to keep his usually neutral expression), we never see him "look sad" like he does here):

I just think it's interesting that this is one of the few scenes in this particular adaptation of Death Note where they try to open up the character's thoughts/feeling (especially considering the fact that they. lowkey blunder in adaptations of original scenes from the manga), and L himself is being rather open (not that he ever really tries to hide what he thinks nearly as much as Light), and yet all Light contributes to it in return is like. Actually nothing. Bro fumbled it. There is no resolution to any of this, to any of what L asks at all, to any of the many opportunities for a meaningful conversation, and the only thing even relatively close to an answer that you can get from Light is what you can infer from how he acts in the episode after L dies, where he's just going through the motions, but hardly acting as if he's actually living at all.

(Honestly I think the transition from this scene with the taskforce to the subsequent scene with Misa says enough on its own. Light's expressions and tone says everything:)

(Oh sidenote but. This shit again:

"Light, this is our first date in forever. can't you enjoy yourself a little more?" ('Why don't you seem happy? We can finally be together since L is dead') -> No response, Light instead changing the topic to him wanting to move in with Misa without changing his mannerisms at all

Also there's that one detail again. You pretty much don't see Light's expression when he speaks here at all, except for one shot of his eyes, which is quite literally the exact same shot they used when he "saw" L, just altered for the new setting. You have No idea what he looks like when he's responding to Misa, although it's probably fair to assume that it's the same empty stare he has for the whole Two Shots where you can clearly see his whole expression in the entire scene.

Something something Light Yagami bad at feelings I think you get the point though)

I guess Light's Kind of showing what he's feeling now? He'll admit to himself that it's boring without L, but no more than that. Light never actually admits to anything "significant", and L's dead already anyway, so what would that even do?

And then we get, uh. Basically nothing from Light. For the next 5 Years. Except that he joined the NPA, so, uh, yay? Good job, Light you totally nailed it! Thank you for allowing us as an audience to delve deeper into your inner thoughts and feelings as a character so we can find out more about you as a person! Very helpful! Thank you for not sabotaging one of your few dedicated opportunities to look into yourself as a person and reflect on your relationships with others and being 100% honest with yourself! We stay winning guys.

Anyway, this got way too long for a scene that's over a decade old, and I've probably just said everything that everyone else has already said in this fandom before. But unfortunately this has been living in my head for way too long and I must scream. I just think this episode's neat is all :)

tl;dr Part of the reason why the rain/foot scene (tbh episode 25 in General) stands out so much is because the Death Note anime specifically was a bit robbed in terms of its more emotional character moments compared to the other medias, which makes more somber/introspective scenes like the ones in episode 25 stand out a Lot in comparison. But it's also incredibly ironic because it's one of the few moments where the show (or specifically L) tries to look deeper into Light's character, but because he is so avoidant for the entire duration of these two scenes he adds basically nothing at all. It's almost funny. Mostly sad. It's also very gay. Aand post

Okay actually nevermind one more thing I talked about how the jdrama is supposed to be more emotionally in-depth because it is a TV Drama and just for the record, same thing happens there! I could probably do an entire analysis of the Blue Scene in this context like I did with episode 25 but I'd literally be here forever, so uh, just take this iconic line as my main example:

Same Thing. L's statement "I wish we could have met some other way" is personal. It's his own wish, his own regret that he is expressing to Light. While Light's reply obviously has that same regret implied it's also phrased in a specifically impersonal way. It's closed off. "This is the only way we could have met" it closes off the topic and simply renders L's wish as ultimately futile. Light does not say that he Also wishes he could have met L a different way even if it was likely impossible, instead it's a cold statement of cynical fact.

Idk just. Something something L being able and Willing to be more openly sentimental/emotionally open towards Light/about Light vs. Light's inability to be honest with anyone including himself and his own nature preventing any form of meaningful reciprocation. Something something self-sabotage, y'know the drill. God don't even get me Started on how sincere L's tone is when he says "It'll be lonely won't it?"(at least in the eng dub) in the anime I could talk about his tone in that scene for ages. Also yes all of this relates to L Change the WorLd too by the way. Don't ask how it just does okay.

I do think that scenes like these (rain/foot scene, The Blue Scene. Uh. L Change the WorLd The Novel Adaptation) show, at least in those adaptations, that L does genuinely care for Light, and show that he values him as a friend not just in the mindgame-equal sense but also just like, a more sincere sense you know. Idk if that made any sense and that's a whole other topic for another day but you guys just have to believe me on this one alright please please believe me buries head in hands. Okay post over finally thanks for coming to my tedtalk hope you enjoyed my very-unnecessarily long analysis of the week