#and then exacerbated some of the problems the book had (too much focus on the games. but then not enough on the process of creation!

[villainanders]

hunger games movie was. fine!

[nonhleq23]

What needs to be done? Future Occupational Therapy roles towards dismantling injustice?

According to Frank Kronenberg, the Idea of Occupational Therapy is too Radical and Powerful to be Contained by a Profession. Recently, theorists in occupational therapy and occupational science called for contextually situated practice which includes the environment but goes beyond the physical environment, as well as socio-cultural conditions and practices at a micro level(Ramugondo, 2018).Occupational therapy is broad

Injustices in society can manifest in many different areas of social life, including in the workplace, the education system, and the criminal justice system.The people who are most susceptible to it are minorities and oppressed social groups, including people already suffering from poverty and ethnic minorities.

There are many injustices that exist in today’s world but I will only focus on 3:

1.Rural health access

According to the constitutional law of South Africa, section 27 everyone has a right to access quality health care services. Some of the factors that influences the lack of access to health care services in rural areas is distance. Means to reach and utilize services often becomes a problem, such as transportation to services that may be located at a distance, and the ability to take some time off at work to access health services.

At Cato crest community, I encountered a lot of challenge when wanting to book patients because I had to consider their context, in terms of transportation whether they used an uber to come to the clinic and how much they spent so that I can be able to set realistic bookings. Which shows that some patients may be keen to attend therapy session but because of finances or lack of transportation to the clinic they may be hesitant to come. Some didn’t want to miss work so what they mentioned that they took some time of at work to come to the clinic or if they couldn’t, they preferred to arrive at least late due to no work ”no pay policy at work”. Rain also limited them access to health care because they missed appointments at the clinic because they can’t access the road, which negatively affects their health management and right to access health care services. Some mentioned that they don’t like waking up early in the morning and waiting in the long cues at the clinic so whenever I ask them to come they always considered that.

Often, it is hard to get doctors to move to rural areas, exacerbating the shortage of healthcare providers. So if we as health care providers can encourage the government to create more job opportunities in rural areas so that more health care professionals can be available at the communities. Even if health professional wish to conduct home visits it becomes a challenge because you need to consider your safety and you may never know what going to happen once you enter your client home because people are not afraid to still even the equipment that we use during therapy session which makes it so difficult to bring therapy service to people. However, at Cato Manor it is better to say they are fortunate because we do come to the community and treat at the library to reduce waiting in the long cue and reduce travelling costs.

2.Poverty

According to the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP), over 1.3 billion people worldwide live in poverty, making it one of the most pressing global issues of our time. Poverty forces people to live in dangerous and unhealthy conditions, without access to basic services or opportunities for personal development. Despite South Africa being ranked 38th in the "ranking of the richest countries with net financial assets per capita of $8,385 (R140,200)",[48] Major causes of poverty, precipitated by a history of apartheid, involve disparities in the distribution of resources, coupled with poor educational opportunities. Black people have also had poor access to job opportunities and health care—known catalysts in the generation and cycle of poverty. In response to these challenges, South Africa initiated the so-called Expanded Public Works Programme (EPWP) to participate in job creation and promoting equitable policies in employment practices. The government has also endeavoured to improve schools, provide health care for the poor, children (ages 6 and below) and pregnant women. (Robinson, 1991)

In Cato Crest community, I saw a lot of sewage which is caused by the people in the community however, there were many people of the community who are employed under the Expanded Public Works Programme (EPWP) which increased lot of job opportunities as many people were employed, reduces pollution within the community and reduces poverty at home. Mayville primary and high school has access to resources such as books, however due to a crime and negligence being a factor, books get lost often and each student can’t own a book which means that children are now limited an opportunity to read after school because of shortage of books. Recently Mayville secondary school was robbed, they took the school resources such as computer and teachers cell phones which shows that “people are hungry”. At the end of the day, it is the school resources that is going to assist their brothers and sisters that are going to change their home situation but with the crime rates that is going to be highly affected.

In terms of the ways to reduce poverty is to upskill people within the community so that they can utilize their skills to generate income for themselves because at the end of the day, the government can create as many job opportunities in the world but if you don’t have the people don’t have the necessary skill that is required for the jobs it going to be useless.

3.Disability discrimination

It occurs when people with disabilities face uneven work or housing situations, or when they are denied access to public services such as transportation or government facilities. People with disability also have right (The convention on the rights of persons with disabilities: A comprehensive instrument to promote social inclusion 2012)

In Cato Crest community, people with disabilities have access to community transport such as taxis, they are able to access an uber with no discrimination. However, the most common issue is unable to travel from the house to road as they have a limited space that can’t have access to wheelchair which is very challenging for them and the caregivers because they have to carry them from the house to the road. These could also be the factor to them unable to access health care services as the caregiver may develop back pain and end up not being able to take them to the clinic.

At the end of the day we all human and humanity is the only to deal with the disability discrimination because if you not taught humanity and respecting others, you won’t see people with disability as your fellow brothers and sister. You will only view them as being different from us and some people need to be taught that being unique is the best! As future occupational therapist we have a huge role to play in advocating for our client with disability in terms of removing the stigma that people have by educating the caregivers and people in the community about the disability so that they won’t feel ashamed or embarrassed if they have a child who is disabled(Maria Galheigo, 2011)

References

Maria Galheigo, S. (2011). What needs to be done? occupational therapy responsibilities and challenges regarding human rights. Australian Occupational Therapy Journal, 58(2), 60–66. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1440-1630.2011.00922.x

Healing work: Intersections for decoloniality - taylor & francis online. (n.d.-a). https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14473828.2018.1523981

Ramugondo, E. (2018). Healing work: Intersections for Decoloniality. World Federation of Occupational Therapists Bulletin, 74(2), 83–91. https://doi.org/10.1080/14473828.2018.1523981

Robinson, W. A. (1991). Federal efforts to provide for at-risk children. Journal of Health Care for the Poor and Underserved, 2(1), 202–208. https://doi.org/10.1353/hpu.2010.0457

The convention on the rights of persons with disabilities: A comprehensive instrument to promote social inclusion. (2012). Social Inclusion of People with Disabilities, 126–148. https://doi.org/10.1017/cbo9781139035668.011

[sometimesrosy]

Hello! Just saw the post you reblogged about reading, and I was already coming here to send you an ask about it. I LOVE reading. I enjoy it so much I lose myself in it and, if I’m really enjoying a book, I’ll stay up waaaay super late to read some more. But, I’m lazy to start reading. I’ll either read a book in a week or in 3 months, no matter how much I’m enjoying it, because I’ll do an “involuntary” break in the middle. I’ll be like “oh I really need to finish xxx book, I was liking it so much!” and proceed to not pick it up for a month. I make excuses sometimes, for example, I wear contact lenses and don’t have glasses, so I don’t read in bed because I can’t see. I’ve also talked myself into trying to believe that it’s ok to not read, because it means I chose to do something else. But sometimes that something else is staring at my phone. If I love reading so much, why don’t I do it more often? What can I do to change that? Thank you.

Hmm. That's an interesting problem to have. It's definitely solvable, if the only problem is you get distracted and lose focus.

I think I commented on that post that I definitely had a reading drought. It was anxiety that stopped me from reading.

And I didn't solve that reading issue until I found a genre that didn't exacerbate my anxiety. And it was historical romance! Which for me is fantastical enough to not be real life problems, and has a convention of requiring a happy ever after so I don't have to worry about the heroes I've invested in being destroyed in the end.

I also think that romance novels are often about healing more than causing trauma and I like that.

BUT if your problem isn't one of mental health, it might just be habits that you're struggling with.

It's easy to just scroll social media instead of reading. Or watch tv or streaming.

But you could actually replace some of that time in your schedule with reading. Whatever works for you. Half an hour during lunch to relax. Or on public transport if you do that. Before dinner... just don't turn on the tv. Or maybe end your streaming/tv watching an hour earlier than normal, and turn to reading instead. It's better for your sleep anyway.

You could also try reading short form material. Short stories. Novellas. Poetry. Essays. No one says you have to be reading huge long epic sagas and multi volume series.

Oh, also, some people REALLY love audio books. They're good for a commute or when you're doing something physical like crafts or cooking or jogging or whatever. Audio books count as books.

I have a solution to your reading in bed problem. A couple of solutions. I keep a pair of reading glasses by my bed. I bought a weird little triangle pillow to hold up my books, too. And my phone for scrolling if I'm honest. Sometimes I have them both on there, and I play candy crush while I'm reading. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that I have adhd. Sometimes I will have a fidget toy while I read. It actually helps me focus and keeps me from getting distracted. But to be honest, that could be one reason you stop reading and move on to something else.

Also, I read on a kindle paperwhite now. I have found this the best way to read at night. It is lit, so I don't need a lamp to read, and I can also switch it to night reading so it doesn't hurt my eyes. I can enlarge the text so that I can see it without struggling and it's easier to hold while in bed. Not to mention I can switch between books or when I finish I can get another one.

Books are the one thing I actually spend money on so I've built a library in my kindle, but you can also get ebooks through your library and kindleunlimited gives you access to a whole host of books for free... if you're an avid reader like I am.

I also like carrying my kindle with me so I can read whenever I have free time, like waiting on line or whenever. It fits in a pocket or my purse. Not to advertise for one of the evil empires (amazon) but I love my kindle. It makes reading physically easier in many situations.

HOWEVER. If you're having trouble reading, it is actually okay not to read. If you find it taxing. That's fine. If you can only read fanfic or graphic novels or audio books. They absolutely count as reading.

Allow yourself to do what you need to do for your needs. Give yourself a break on what you think you 'should' be doing. But if you really WANT to be reading, you might need to consciously make room for it in your schedule and routine.

I honestly have stopped watching tv and am reading my historical novels instead and I do not regret it.

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Rewatching Shameless and i just watched 6x1 jail scene. Can I request a meta if its not too much trouble? I feel like reading a really good meta about that scene and you're one of the best we've got so.....

It’s never any trouble at all! That’s so sweet to say—thank you so much! <3 Kind of coming to terms with the idea that anyone cares about my opinion over here. You guys are too much!

This scene is actually extremely important to me because it and the response to it were what made me start writing Shameless fanfiction, specifically when I saw that my views regarding Ian’s behavior and how Mickey received it were so vastly different from what I initially read. (Insert shameless plug for “That Milkovich Reputation” here.) Now, I know you’ve told me not to do this before, but based on the controversial position in which this scene resides, I feel the need to present a couple of disclaimers for our audience at large.

I first fell in love with Shameless last March, a couple weeks before quarantine began. I didn’t know what it was prior to that and therefore was not present when Noel left the show, so I didn’t experience the disappointment of a beloved character leaving in a potentially permanent way and didn’t engage in the fandom or see how deeply upset people were by that until after I finished the series. I also don’t subscribe to the theory that there was something going on behind the scenes or any animosity between Noel and the creators, as I have not seen any relevant evidence from reliable sources to support that what happened was anything other than decisions made in pursuit of career goals on both sides. As such, my analysis of this scene has only ever taken the content and context of the story and characters into account. I have no interest in speculating on the motives of people I do not know in writing it or portraying it this way, and even if I did, this scene made perfect sense to me as it was written and performed.

I understand and appreciate that this is not a popular position to take and urge everyone to pass this post by if my position on that matter is offensive or upsetting to you. I do not mean to tell anyone what to think or believe, only to explain how I view this scene and the context in which I do so.

That said, let’s begin.

When Last Seen: Mickey

As in all things, context is important. Prior to the prison scene, the last time we saw Mickey was when Ian broke up with him and Sammi interrupted their heartfelt moment, which basically sums up her character in a nutshell. That was a rough couple of days for Mickey. He saw how devastated Ian was to hear his family talk about him as though he were just like Monica; was distressed in his own right to return for him and discover that he’d left the base with Monica; buried his frustration and sadness by sleeping around with other people, which seemed to exacerbate those emotions because those people weren’t Ian, nor had he and Ian broken up when he did it; and came running when Ian called him, only for Ian to end their relationship.

Mickey is a very sharp man—we know this. He can read people like books and manipulate or intimidate them accordingly. He knew Ian had feelings for him in s1 when he showed up on his doorstep seeking comfort rather than going to any number of other people he trusted. He was well aware that Ian loved him in s3, and that made what he felt he had no choice in doing that much more painful. He heard what Ian said and knew what he was doing in 5x12. Of that, I have never had any doubt. It wasn’t like Ian tried to hide that he didn’t want to break up but thought that that was what would be best. In fact, the way he initially framed it always made me think that one of his highest priorities was not dragging Mickey down with him, especially in the aftermath of being called “destructive” and similar to someone who “put them through hell.” That’s why Mickey’s response wasn’t to call him an asshole or get angry or beg. It was to reassure Ian that he was there for the long haul, that he loved him and wanted to take care of him no matter what that meant—and that they could make that work. All the sentiments Ian had tried to communicate before he got married, Mickey was reciprocating in his own way. Had they not needed to temporarily write Mickey out of the story and Sammi hadn’t shown up right that second, I believe that he wouldn’t have given up so easily. We do have confirmation of that being the case in the prison scene, but we’ll get to that shortly.

When Last Seen: Ian

Ian isn’t a selfish character. We know this, too. However, Ian needed to be selfish by the end of s5. What he had to come to terms with wasn’t something that anyone could fully help him with, much as Mickey desperately wanted to. To Ian, the enemy was within. It was inside him, in his brain, telling him what to do even if that destroyed himself and everything he loved. It’s terrifying. I’m not bipolar, nor do I suffer from any other diagnosed mental illnesses, but I admire and respect everyone who wakes up every morning and tackles these things. They’re heroes every single day. But by the end of s5, Ian doesn’t feel much like a hero. Instead, he feels like the villain, and he’s lost touch with who he even is anymore.

That’s not a healthy mindset to have in a relationship. Relationships require a level of give and take, and that used to be something that Ian and Mickey already struggled with. Ian gave more in s1-3 because he was able to, while Mickey had a limit on what he could openly give because of the environment in which he lived and the manner in which he was raised. In s4-5, those roles were reversed: Mickey was able to give so much more, but Ian was gradually falling apart. Neither of them are at fault for any of those situations. It is what it is, and they have a stronger relationship for it. Ian is a giver, though. He’s always been a giver. To be in a position where he doesn’t feel like he can give anything to Mickey because he doesn’t even know who he is was truly heartbreaking for him, and objectively, he needed to take a step back so that he could focus on himself. He knew it. Based on Mickey’s understanding of Ian’s reasons after watching him deny that he had a problem for so long, I think Mickey knew it too. This hurt both of them—Ian to say it and Mickey to hear it—but they’re not fools and they’re not naïve. In some ways, they know each other better than anyone.

Jimmy said that when you’re on a plane, they tell you to put on your mask before you help anyone else with theirs. Ian needed to put on his mask. His heart can’t keep beating if his lungs don’t work.

Starting Season 6: Mickey

Unsurprisingly, Mickey has settled into prison life just fine. We’ll focus on his interactions with Ian in a bit as that’s the meat of the scene, but there are major implications inherent in his discussion with Svetlana beforehand.

1.      Mickey has accepted that this will be his reality for the foreseeable future. What else is he supposed to do? Besides, he’s known for a long time that the likelihood of ending up in prison was pretty high for him, as he alluded to in s2. He was a street thug. He stole from local stores, sold drugs, ran guns, operated a rub ‘n’ tug, created scam companies, and was a generally violent presence in the neighborhood for years. He was in juvie twice during the show, perhaps more beforehand. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that it would have been more surprising if Mickey didn’t get locked up at some point than that he did.

2.      Ian has visited Mickey before. We won’t get too deeply into this yet, but he thanks Ian for “coming back.” The other times, he wasn’t even paid to do it. So, as far as Mickey can tell, nothing has changed. Ian is focusing on himself right now, but his love for Mickey hasn’t dulled at all. That’s an encouraging thought, and it certainly puts a smile on Mickey’s face.

3.      Ever the opportunist and entrepreneur, Mickey really is doing just fine in prison. He runs a business, if you will, that appears to be quite lucrative already. This isn’t surprising either. Sadly, it’s a bad move. He’s already going to be in prison for somewhere around a decade, give or take a couple of years depending on his behavior. But his behavior isn’t good. He’s hurting people for money, and if he gets caught and brought up on more charges, not only will he serve the full fifteen years, but he could get more time added onto that.

4.      Ian is aware of this arrangement. He has to be if he’s been going there with Svetlana, and they weren’t exactly hiding what they were talking about. Ian has been very consistent throughout the series: he’s not as concerned with the moral implications of Mickey’s behavior, just how it could potentially impact their ability to be together. He still cares about Mickey at the start of s6, and Mickey can see it on his face when he won’t say it out loud. (More on that shortly.) Once he’s in a better spot mentally, maybe they would have gotten back together had Mickey been on the outside. I’m of the opinion that they would have based on the context of the situation. It isn’t an option, however. This is Mickey’s reality, and he’s not doing everything he can to get out earlier. If anything, he’s tempting fate on not being released at all. (This, in hindsight, sounds rather similar to the issues they’re dealing with right now in s11.)

So, this is where Mickey stands at the start of the season: a prison hitman who is quite pleased that the man he loves has come to see him again, even if the latter is visibly not in a very healthy mental state.

Starting Season 6: Ian

Ian isn’t in most of 6x01. What we do see of him is typically sad or colored by his frustration, outside Carl’s welcome home party at the end of the episode. Even then, there’s an aura of discomfort that accompanies the family’s knowledge that things have changed. Carl came out of juvie a different person—they’re all different people after s5, and they’re not sure how to handle walking on eggshells around each other.

From the very start of the episode, we see that Ian is still struggling even though he’s had enough time to at least partially adjust to his medication, especially if he’s been on and off of it. It’s so sweet how Fiona gently wakes him up—it’s also a bit different. What happened to banging on the bunk bed and yelling for them to come down for breakfast? After behaving pretty normally with Debbie at the bathroom door, she’s almost handling him with kid gloves, and the punches keep coming when she reminds him that he (1) has to get up for work at a place he despises and (2) needs to remember to take his meds.

The kitchen scene is extremely telling of where Ian is at this point, and it partially shows why he’s somewhat standoffish by the time we reach the prison scene. Most of the family is gone or different. Fiona is repeatedly on him about meds and getting to work on time—Ian, Mister Responsible himself who was out of the house before anybody woke up to get to work on time as a kid. Lip is at college. Debbie is absorbed in her unconfirmed but likely pregnancy. Carl is in juvie, and Liam is playing with the switchblade he found under Carl’s pillow before they take him to pre-K. His entire support system is either gone or treating him like he’s broken. All he has is Fiona “going Fiona” on everyone. It’s clear that this is impacting him because he actually derails the conversation to say that they should go visit Carl the following weekend, which was the position Debbie used to be in when Fiona was in jail. Just like Lip shut her down, Debbie shuts Ian down, and he doesn’t say another word as he drinks his coffee—which he can’t finish because Fiona is once again on him about work, so he trudges out the door to another day of being a busboy with no dreams instead of a soldier who has a future.

Work isn’t much better. Svetlana wants him to go see Mickey when he’s determined to stay away. (We don’t have confirmation, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that he wants to distance himself if Mickey is doing something that will potentially get him into even more trouble, especially given some of his reactions at the prison.) Sean is sending Fiona to nag him about not moving fast enough when the diner isn’t even busy. When Otis is chased down by the cops and slammed against the front window, Sean rather condescendingly tells him to, “take your rag and wipe the blood and snot off the window.” Ian—West Point-aspiring, ambitious, courageous, caring, intelligent, hardworking Ian has been reduced to wiping up someone’s snot by a boss who’s living in his house with a sister that’s treating him like he’s shattered glass and a family that is growing further and further apart these days.

That is the day Ian has had before he even arrives at the prison. Odds are that that is how most of his days have gone for quite some time, minus the blood and snot. …Maybe.

The Prison Scene

Now we come to it: what you actually asked about! It’s taken this long to get here because we can’t possibly interpret this scene effectively without incorporating all of what came before it. Mickey’s position is regrettable, but he knows that Ian still loves him and is at least handling his situation with all the grace and competence that we can expect from him. Ian is a bit of a mess who’s had a bad day and is now faced with the man he loves, who he is telling himself he can’t be with, sitting behind glass—where he’ll be for a good long while.

I’m going to divide this analysis into two sections. For a scene that many prefer to forget, to me, it’s a masterpiece of storytelling.

Physicality

The body language in this scene is remarkable—phenomenally blocked, phenomenally directed, and phenomenally portrayed.

When Mickey first appears, he’s visibly chomping at the bit to get to the visitation area. He’s peering out there while he’s still behind a locked door, and he only diverts his gaze to the guard because he’s waiting for him to unlock it. He’s cool about the whole thing—he’s very cool—but he’s obviously also here for one reason and one reason only. That reason is where his eyes go the moment he sits down at his stall and spots Ian’s coat where the latter is pacing behind Svetlana. Throughout their entire conversation, we see his eyes darting to Ian as he attempts to get the business out of the way so that he can indulge purely in the pleasure. It doesn’t matter to him that Ian is visibly tired and reluctant to be there or that he plays with Yevgeny instead of actively joining their conversation. It’s Ian, and all Mickey has to look at in here is a bunch of fellow thugs he hasn’t loved since he was too young to know what that meant. Damn right, he’s going to shamelessly watch him.

In Ian’s pacing, where we can’t see his face, I find it interesting that he keeps himself angled away from the glass. We see more of his back even though he’s moving side to side rather than away. He doesn’t want to see this. He doesn’t want to be there. In s7, he told Mickey how hard it was to see him behind glass—that wasn’t an excuse. He wasn’t falsely trying to make it sound like he was suffering at their separation just as much as Mickey was. We can see that that’s the case right here in 6x01. Ian has never had a problem sitting still through difficult moments, not even when a potential court martial that would further ruin his life was on the table. But this? He can’t sit down. He can’t face that.

The first time he turns directly towards Mickey’s location is so that Svetlana can hand Yevgeny off to him, and Mickey is visibly loving the view. His expression gets a bit softer, and he ducks his head a little so that he can catch a glimpse of Ian’s face. He follows Ian with his eyes even though Svetlana tries to get his attention. What a blast from the past, right? Ian there with his son, taking care of him while he and Svetlana figure out their business? And just like before, he offers Svetlana all of the attention and input that he deems her worth—next to nothing. Ian’s over there. Ian’s keeping the kid entertained, playing with him and rocking a bit in their seat and leaning over his little shoulder to make sure he’s doing okay—but forget that, Mickey’s eyes are examining him from red hair to beat-up shoes. He only glances back to Svetlana because he has to in order to get the information for their next paycheck. Even then, he’s still back and forth, up and down.

And Ian? He can’t keep pacing. He can’t stay turned away, but he won’t look. He occupies himself more than Yevgeny because now he’s low enough that he won’t just see an orange jumpsuit—he’ll see Mickey, and he’s had a bad enough day with his family making him feel more alone than ever without adding that pain on top of it. (This is the third time Mickey’s been locked up for something directly or indirectly related to Ian. I’m sure it’s not unreasonable to suspect that he also feels somewhat guilty about that, especially when it happened right after he broke it off.)

When Mickey asks if Ian is going to sit back there the whole time and not interact with him, Svetlana turns around and presumably says something to get his attention. Their eyes meet, and Mickey gives him a look that clearly says, “What the fuck, man?” This isn’t the behavior of a man who is heartbroken at their relationship ending or questioning Ian’s love for him. This is the behavior of a man who wants the love of his life to get his shit together enough to come say hi to him—or at least look at him—because he can’t pretend that he doesn’t want to see Mickey as much as Mickey wants to see him. It’s impossible to hide that when Ian has let Mickey see so much of his heart over the years.

Ian’s response is so fascinating because he does meet Mickey’s eyes, and he holds that connection for a moment. Then, reading what Mickey is trying to tell him, he actually turns further away again so that Mickey gets his shoulder. This sets the stage for the rest of Ian’s development from now through s9. He’s doing what Ian does: he’s compartmentalizing. He’s taking the emotions he can’t deal with right now, wrapping them in tissue paper, and neatly stacking them in a box that he’ll put up in the attic where he can pretend they don’t exist. But they do. They really do.

If they didn’t, he wouldn’t have spent their entire conversation trying so hard to focus on literally anything but Mickey, because as we saw in the Hall of Shame flashbacks and as has been obvious since their first fight-turned-fuck, once they look, the battle is lost.

Dialogue

I’m going to be real with you guys: I adore this scene. I’ve watched it more times than I can count even though I haven’t rewatched much of the season in its entirety. There was so much said with so few words, and while I was sad at the end, I was also hopeful. This was an impossible position to be put in on both sides, and I truly believe that this was the best resolution they could get at the time. And yes, it hurt. It was painful. But why was it painful?

Because they’re so visibly, obviously, irrevocably in love.

Mickey’s tone when he tells Svetlana to leave because he wants to talk to Ian isn’t as harsh as it’s been for the rest of their visit. There’s such a disconnect between his words and tone: roughly telling her to scram while actually sounding a bit younger at the idea of speaking directly with Ian. Svetlana could tell. It’s so clear, and her smirk is super knowing. In that moment, we’re seeing the woman who stood in the doorway of what was supposed to be her bedroom and watched him make eyes at this unconscious boy she didn’t really even remember. Not in the tears and realizing she was in big, big trouble if he left her, but in the understanding that his heart isn’t in the body on the other side of the glass—it’s sitting behind her. There are a lot of things I don’t like about Svetlana as a person (as a character, she’s amazing), but since they reached their agreement in s4, she’s never had a derogatory thing to say about the love those two share, and I respect that. It’s actually a bit cute how she takes her time and is almost teasing in giving him what he wants. A bit.

As I have this scene running on repeat so that I don’t miss anything in writing this, I paused to type and ended up on such a meaningful glance at Ian’s face. Svetlana just took Yevgeny from him, and he hasn’t gotten up yet. He’s staring straight at Mickey, and he looks hesitant. Scared, almost. Then he looks up at Svetlana, nods a bit, and reluctantly moves into her spot.

Is it overkill to take this one exchange at a time? Probably. Am I going to do it anyway? Hell to the yes.

1.      “Thanks for coming back.”/”Yeah… Svetlana paid me.” – I know that people hate this line and think this is painful. I know that it objectively is painful. I still laugh every time. Not because Ian agreed to come if he was paid. (He’s got medication to afford and no insurance. I can’t begrudge him wanting to make a few extra bucks any way he can.) Not because of the words, but because of what accompanies them. Ian will not look at Mickey—he’s lost so many battles lately, and he can’t lose this one too. Not when he started this one himself. He’s hemming and hawing, not looking up from the countertop and then twisting around to see if Svetlana is still there or anyone else is listening. It’s so stupid, because literally no one cares, but it gives you this sensation that Ian sees himself as being under a microscope the whole time. That’s his life anymore, at home and at work and now here. And Mickey? He doesn’t look terribly broken up about Ian accepting payment in exchange for coming. He gets this expression that I interpreted as, “Seriously? You’re playing it like that?” Then it settles into disappointment that Ian won’t open up or look at him like he normally would—that the glass interferes with the magnetic pull between them. But don’t worry, children. Uncle Mickey has just the thing to fix that: himself.

2.      “You look good.”/*awkward silence* – I mean…what do you say to that? I actually felt so bad for Ian there because what must he have looked like these last visits if Mickey is telling him that he looks good now? What kind of mess was he then when he’s still sort of a mess today? And he can’t even return the sentiment because how can he? Mickey is in prison. He’s in a jumpsuit looking at being here so long that he’ll probably have a few grey hairs starting to grow in when he gets out. I don’t know how to respond when people tell me I look good on an average day, so I can only imagine how that must have felt in his position. And still, he won’t do more than glance in Mickey’s direction. Well, if that didn’t work…

3.      Mickey chuckles and says he got a new tattoo. Ian’s eyes immediately shoot upwards, and Mickey slouches a little so that he’s in their direct line of sight—to hold them there, because once they look, the battle is lost. And Ian does lose. For a while there, he can’t look away again. First, because Mickey is courting some pretty nasty illnesses with his improper use of needles. Seriously, Mickey, a beautiful gesture but holy crap. Second, Mickey has his name (or a very close approximation to it) tattooed forever right over his heart. Ian had asked if Mickey was going to marry him, and Mickey told him to fuck off, but everything he’s doing points in the opposite direction. He promised sickness and health; now he’s made a permanent mark on his body for everyone to see. Mickey, who wouldn’t be seen in public with him once upon a time, has plastered Ian’s name onto his body. Ian tries so hard not to let that impact him, but it’s over. He’s lost the battle already, and he falls further and further. He’s smiling when he tells Mickey it looks infected, he teases him about the misspelling (which I think says more about how much that tattoo must have hurt than any inability to spell on Mickey’s part—I’d have a typo too), and he laughs at Mickey’s irritation that he messed it up. And it’s this sweet little laugh, not cruel or hurtful or mean. The wonderful thing about humor is that it can be used to cope with difficult emotions. We’ve seen a lot of people on the show start laughing when they’re in a bad place. Ian has been trying so hard to accept his life as it is even during the shitty day he was having. He tried so hard not to let himself fall into the trap of letting his love for Mickey rule his actions in the scene so far. That’s a lot. That’s denying himself to the point where I’m sure it hurts. And so he laughs, because Mickey did this crazy, absurd thing for him and yeah, it came out wrong, but he did it. This was all Ian wanted once upon a time (minus the felony), and now he has it—but he can’t have it. So he laughs. He immediately moves to hide it, but he laughs. He smiles more and has to bend away to pretend that he’s not—and Mickey lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree. This is the moment that keeps me from seeing this scene or Ian’s actions as being cruel. They’re both hurting, and this is an awful position to be in. But Ian loves him so much, and Mickey was doing everything he could to make him show it. Not exactly how he saw that going, I’m sure, but he’ll take it.

4.      “Been thinking about you.” – Knowing that he lost that one, Ian looks away again. While the end of this scene will hurt for both of them, especially Mickey, think about the pain he must be feeling in that moment simply because he’s not. He’s not hurting. For the first time that day, he feels good. This can’t last. Mickey isn’t coming home with him when time is up. This wonderful emotion that filled him up enough for him to laugh and smile after such a bad day will be gone the second he hangs up that phone. Then he’s going to go home and have Fiona breathing down his neck with nobody else for support. And Mickey will be here—behind glass. He can’t handle that, and he pulls that box out again and starts tearing off the tissue paper. He has to get rid of this feeling. He has to be the one to put it away before it kicks him to the curb. He’s stubborn, and Mickey can see him shutting down but also knows that he’s knocked enough bricks out of Ian’s walls to say something softer, something emotional and closer to the heart. Something he is willing to say where the other inmates can hear, which I don’t think is lost on Ian since he immediately looks up again. He doesn’t look away either, not even when Mickey asks if Ian thinks about him. He glances to the side and opens his mouth a bit, but nothing comes out. Mickey knows the answer.

5.      “Gonna wait for me?”/”You’re here for fifteen years.” – There’s this thing Mickey does after he first says that. He chuckles, because he knows that that’s pretty unreasonable to ask and has already predicted Ian’s response. His comment about being out in eight is lighthearted, a serious matter spoken as a joke because…this isn’t juvie anymore. They’re not going to see each other in a few months. This is Mickey’s version of what Ian was just doing, only where Ian tried to withdraw and escape within himself, Mickey is making it more humorous. He’s always done that, make light of pretty serious things to avoid looking at just how messed up it is. But I didn’t get the feeling he was really asking for Ian to wait that long. Instead, I got the feeling that he was testing the waters, seeing if Ian would shut him down—which he didn’t. He offered the bullshit excuse that Mickey tried to kill a member of his family, and Mickey saw through that immediately. I think he knows that he can’t ask Ian to seriously wait and never be with anyone else for fifteen years, or even for eight. I think he knows what he’s saying is a touch absurd. He also knows that Ian’s excuse is extremely absurd, and he doesn’t buy it for a second. It gives him a little courage to do something…well, a bit absurd.

6.      “Will you? Wait? Fucking lie if you have to, man. Eight years is a long time.” – I think the important part of this isn’t that Ian says he’ll wait when he doesn’t mean it, which is the popular take. For one thing, I don’t think we can ascribe that level of calculated behavior to Ian in this instance. There are a few things about this part of the scene that mean a lot to me: (1) Ian doesn’t get up and go. He doesn’t even move in that direction. He sits there with the phone after the buzzer sounds and before Mickey tells him to lie. His mouth opens and closes like he’s not sure what to say. Because what can he say? If Mickey serves the maximum, Ian will be in his mid-thirties by the time they can be together. At that point, he was either nearing eighteen or just turned. I still can’t fathom what I’ll be doing in my mid-thirties, and I’m a whole lot older than that. Ian looks just a little terrified here, and that’s because he knows he loves Mickey but has no clue what he’s supposed to do with that in the impossible circumstances they’re operating under. (2) Ian can’t even see himself moving on yet. He’s still trying to figure himself out, not think about a relationship. He has a job he hates, and his family is a different brand of chaos these days. He feels alone, yes, but not in a way that has him openly desperate for a relationship. Based on what he says to Mandy about Caleb, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be in a serious relationship at this point or even in a position for more than casual sex anytime in the near future. How can he say that he’ll wait when he doesn’t know where he’ll be whenever Mickey does get out? Maybe he’ll feel better. Maybe he’ll be out of his mind, roaming all over the place like Monica. Maybe he won’t just be standing on that bridge. It’s a huge question, one that has a lot of ramifications no matter what his answer is, and Ian clearly has none. He’s blindsided by that, which Mickey sees. That’s when he gets serious about those eight years, about how absurd their situation really is. That’s perhaps the first and only time in this scene where we can see that, for as successful as he is at navigating prison, his freedom means something to him. His freedom means he wouldn’t have to coax a glance out of Ian—he could kiss his dumb ass and make him stop being stubborn about how much he loves Mickey. But he can’t. He won’t be able to for a long time. And I think that is what really breaks his heart in this scene, not…

7.      “Yeah. Yeah, Mick, I’ll wait.” – Did anyone else notice how Ian swallowed hard before he answered? How his voice gets hoarse when he first speaks? I paused again to type, and the video is sitting on his face staring at the counter before the second part of what he says. He looks like he might cry. He looks like his heart is breaking just as much as Mickey’s is, because he can do what he’s asking this time—reassure him with a lie. Not because he doesn’t intend to wait, but because he is buried so far under what life has piled on top of him that he can’t see the light these days, and he doesn’t see waiting or moving on. He just sees the daily struggle of being this shell of a person. Of being without Mickey even if they’re not technically together. (Admittedly, I think he knew they would be if Mickey weren’t in prison at that moment. Ian has no real self-control where he’s concerned. Lip told him as much, and he’s self-aware enough to realize it, hence his behavior in this whole scene.)

When Ian hangs up the phone, he doesn’t get up immediately. He looks at Mickey—really looks at him—and each of them watches the other’s heart shatter. I don’t see it the way a lot of people do, though. On Mickey’s side, I don’t see it as being because Ian lied. I think it’s so much bigger than that.

Ian looks at him when they can’t hear each other anymore, and if he didn’t seem ready to cry before, he looks it now. Why? Because there’s nothing he can do for Mickey besides that. Ian, ever the giver, can’t give him anything. At that point, he couldn’t even help himself. He can’t be what Mickey needs in that moment, just like he couldn’t be what Mickey needed while he was sick, and it kills him. It kills him to know that by the time Mickey does get out, he’ll be older than he can fathom being and has no idea if he’ll even be around that long. It kills him to feel like even if he is, he’ll still have nothing to offer because, in his own words, this is where he lands. And it kills him to have to walk away and leave what he loves most behind glass.

Mickey is watching this. He knows Ian, and as painful as it was to get exactly what he asked for, it’s even more painful for him to see what him being here does to Ian. Where Ian is a giver, Mickey is a fixer. He makes things better. When stuff is broken, he puts it back together. When there’s a problem, he resolves it. Ian was going to leave because he couldn’t be an unacknowledged number three in Mickey’s life anymore? He jumped to solve the problem by coming out. Ian was acting strangely and wouldn’t get out of bed for so long that Mickey realized something was wrong? He immediately went to hunt down Lip, who he knows is closer to Ian than anyone else in his family. Fiona tells him that Ian is sick and needs to be cared for? He jumps in to do it, even to the point where it did more harm than good. Sammi caused a problem that Mickey couldn’t solve? He fixed the problem of her being there at all. But here he sits, behind glass, watching Ian that whole time and knowing that he was trying to maintain some emotional distance—and, because it’s Mickey, knowing why. There’s nothing he can do about this. He can’t fix it. For the first time since s3, Mickey is absolutely helpless to fix a problem. He takes a breath as Ian walks away as though he’s about to say something, but what can he say? What can he do? Nothing. He can do nothing but hang up the phone and weather the storm.

In the end, the heartbreak in this scene isn’t about them hurting each other, from my perspective. It’s not about Ian being callous and cruel or purposely trying to hurt Mickey. They know each other too well for that. They’ve been through too much. To me, this is about two people who love each other more than anything not being able to be what the other needed when they needed them—and that’s a whole lot more painful.

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Religious Trauma Syndrome: How Some Organized Religion Leads to Mental Health Problems

By Valerie Tarico

Marlene Winell interviewed March 25, 2013

At age sixteen I began what would be a four year struggle with bulimia. When the symptoms started, I turned in desperation to adults who knew more than I did about how to stop shameful behavior—my Bible study leader and a visiting youth minister.  “If you ask anything in faith, believing,” they said. “It will be done.” I knew they were quoting [3] the Word of God. We prayed together, and I went home confident that God had heard my prayers. But my horrible compulsions didn’t go away. By the fall of my sophomore year in college, I was desperate and depressed enough that I made a suicide attempt. The problem wasn’t just the bulimia. I was convinced by then that I was a complete spiritual failure. My college counseling department had offered to get me real help (which they later did). But to my mind, at that point, such help couldn’t fix the core problem: I was a failure in the eyes of God. It would be years before I understood that my inability to heal bulimia through the mechanisms offered by biblical Christianity was not a function of my own spiritual deficiency but deficiencies in Evangelical religion itself.  

Dr. Marlene Winell is a human development consultant in the San Francisco Area. She is also the daughter of Pentecostal missionaries. This combination has given her work an unusual focus. For the past twenty years she has counseled men and women in recovery from various forms of fundamentalist religion including the Assemblies of God denomination in which she was raised. Winell is the author of Leaving the Fold – A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving their Religion [4], written during her years of private practice in psychology. Over the years, Winell has provided assistance to clients whose religious experiences were even more damaging than mine. Some of them are people whose psychological symptoms weren’t just exacerbated by their religion, but actually caused by it.  

Two years ago, Winell made waves by formally labeling what she calls “Religious Trauma Syndrome” (RTS) and beginning to write and speak on the subject for professional audiences. When the British Association of Behavioral and Cognitive Psychologists published a series of articles on the topic, members of a Christian counseling association protested what they called excessive attention to a “relatively niche topic.” One commenter said, “A religion, faith or book cannot be abuse but the people interpreting can make anything abusive.”

Is toxic religion simply misinterpretation? What is religious trauma? Why does Winell believe religious trauma merits its own diagnostic label?

Let’s start this interview with the basics. What exactly is religious trauma syndrome?

Winell: Religious trauma syndrome (RTS) is a set of symptoms and characteristics that tend to go together and which are related to harmful experiences with religion. They are the result of two things: immersion in a controlling religion and the secondary impact of leaving a religious group. The RTS label provides a name and description that affected people often recognize immediately. Many other people are surprised by the idea of RTS, because in our culture it is generally assumed that religion is benign or good for you. Just like telling kids about Santa Claus and letting them work out their beliefs later, people see no harm in teaching religion to children.

But in reality, religious teachings and practices sometimes cause serious mental health damage. The public is somewhat familiar with sexual and physical abuse in a religious context. As Journalist Janet Heimlich has documented in, Breaking Their Will, Bible-based religious groups that emphasize patriarchal authority in family structure and use harsh parenting methods can be destructive.

But the problem isn’t just physical and sexual abuse. Emotional and mental treatment in authoritarian religious groups also can be damaging because of 1) toxic teachings like eternal damnation or original sin 2) religious practices or mindset, such as punishment, black and white thinking, or sexual guilt, and 3) neglect that prevents a person from having the information or opportunities to develop normally.

Can you give me an example of RTS from your consulting practice?

Winell: I can give you many. One of the symptom clusters is around fear and anxiety. People indoctrinated into fundamentalist Christianity as small children sometimes have memories of being terrified by images of hell and apocalypse before their brains could begin to make sense of such ideas. Some survivors, who I prefer to call “reclaimers,” [8] have flashbacks, panic attacks, or nightmares in adulthood even when they intellectually no longer believe the theology. One client of mine, who during the day functioned well as a professional, struggled with intense fear many nights. She said,

“I was afraid I was going to hell. I was afraid I was doing something really wrong. I was completely out of control. I sometimes would wake up in the night and start screaming, thrashing my arms, trying to rid myself of what I was feeling. I’d walk around the house trying to think and calm myself down, in the middle of the night, trying to do some self-talk, but I felt like it was just something that – the fear and anxiety was taking over my life.” Or consider this comment, which refers to a film [9] used by evangelicals to warn about the horrors of the “end times” for nonbelievers.

“I was taken to see the film “A Thief In The Night”. WOW.  I am in shock to learn that many other people suffered the same traumas I lived with because of this film. A few days or weeks after the film viewing, I came into the house and mom wasn’t there. I stood there screaming in terror. When I stopped screaming, I began making my plan: Who my Christian neighbors were, who’s house to break into to get money and food. I was 12 years old and was preparing for Armageddon alone.”

In addition to anxiety, RTS can include depression, cognitive difficulties, and problems with social functioning. In fundamentalist Christianity, the individual is considered depraved and in need of salvation. A core message is “You are bad and wrong and deserve to die.” (The wages of sin is death [10].) This gets taught to millions of children through organizations like Child Evangelism Fellowship [11] and there is a group organized [12]  to oppose their incursion into public schools.  I’ve had clients who remember being distraught when given a vivid bloody image of Jesus paying the ultimate price for their sins. Decades later they sit telling me that they can’t manage to find any self-worth.

“After twenty-seven years of trying to live a perfect life, I failed. . . I was ashamed of myself all day long. My mind battling with itself with no relief. . . I always believed everything that I was taught but I thought that I was not approved by God. I thought that basically I, too, would die at Armageddon.

“I’ve spent literally years injuring myself, cutting and burning my arms, taking overdoses and starving myself, to punish myself so that God doesn’t have to punish me. It’s taken me years to feel deserving of anything good.”

Born-again Christianity and devout Catholicism [13] tell people they are weak and dependent, calling on phrases like “lean not unto your own understanding [14]” or “trust and obey [11].” People who internalize these messages can suffer from learned helplessness. I’ll give you an example from a client who had little decision-making ability after living his entire life devoted to following the “will of God.” The words here don’t convey the depth of his despair.

“I have an awful time making decisions in general. Like I can’t, you know, wake up in the morning, “What am I going to do today?” Like I don’t even know where to start. You know all the things I thought I might be doing are gone and I’m not sure I should even try to have a career; essentially I babysit my four-year-old all day.”

Authoritarian religious groups are subcultures where conformity is required in order to belong. Thus if you dare to leave the religion, you risk losing your entire support system as well.

“I lost all my friends. I lost my close ties to family. Now I’m losing my country. I’ve lost so much because of this malignant religion and I am angry and sad to my very core. . . I have tried hard to make new friends, but I have failed miserably. . . I am very lonely.”

Leaving a religion, after total immersion, can cause a complete upheaval of a person’s construction of reality, including the self, other people, life, and the future. People unfamiliar with this situation, including therapists, have trouble appreciating the sheer terror it can create.

“My form of religion was very strongly entrenched and anchored deeply in my heart. It is hard to describe how fully my religion informed, infused, and influenced my entire worldview. My first steps out of fundamentalism were profoundly frightening and I had frequent thoughts of suicide. Now I’m way past that but I still haven’t quite found “my place in the universe.”

Even for a person who was not so entrenched, leaving one’s religion can be a stressful and significant transition.

Many people seem to walk away from their religion easily, without really looking back. What is different about the clientele you work with?

Winell: Religious groups that are highly controlling, teach fear about the world, and keep members sheltered and ill-equipped to function in society are harder to leave easily. The difficulty seems to be greater if the person was born and raised in the religion rather than joining as an adult convert. This is because they have no frame of reference – no other “self” or way of “being in the world.” A common personality type is a person who is deeply emotional and thoughtful and who tends to throw themselves wholeheartedly into their endeavors. “True believers” who then lose their faith feel more anger and depression and grief than those who simply went to church on Sunday.

Aren’t these just people who would be depressed, anxious, or obsessive anyways?

Winell: Not at all. If my observation is correct, these are people who are intense and involved and caring. They hang on to the religion longer than those who simply “walk away” because they try to make it work even when they have doubts. Sometimes this is out of fear, but often it is out of devotion. These are people for whom ethics, integrity and compassion matter a great deal. I find that when they get better and rebuild their lives, they are wonderfully creative and energetic about new things.

In your mind, how is RTS different from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Winell: RTS is a specific set of symptoms and characteristics that are connected with harmful religious experience, not just any trauma. This is crucial to understanding the condition and any kind of self-help or treatment. (More details about this can be found on my Journey Free [15] website and discussed in my talk [16] at the Texas Freethought Convention.)

Another difference is the social context, which is extremely different from other traumas or forms of abuse. When someone is recovering from domestic abuse, for example, other people understand and support the need to leave and recover. They don’t question it as a matter of interpretation, and they don’t send the person back for more. But this is exactly what happens to many former believers who seek counseling. If a provider doesn’t understand the source of the symptoms, he or she may send a client for pastoral counseling, or to AA, or even to another church. One reclaimer expressed her frustration this way:

“Include physically-abusive parents who quote “Spare the rod and spoil the child” as literally as you can imagine and you have one fucked-up soul: an unloved, rejected, traumatized toddler in the body of an adult. I’m simply a broken spirit in an empty shell. But wait...That’s not enough!? There’s also the expectation by everyone in society that we victims should celebrate this with our perpetrators every Christmas and Easter!!”

Just like disorders such as autism or bulimia, giving RTS a real name has important advantages. People who are suffering find that having a label for their experience helps them feel less alone and guilty. Some have written to me to express their relief:

“There’s actually a name for it! I was brainwashed from birth and wasted 25 years of my life serving Him! I’ve since been out of my religion for several years now, but I cannot shake the haunting fear of hell and feel absolutely doomed. I’m now socially inept, unemployable, and the only way I can have sex is to pay for it.”

Labeling RTS encourages professionals to study it more carefully, develop treatments, and offer training. Hopefully, we can even work on prevention.

What do you see as the difference between religion that causes trauma and religion that doesn’t?

Winell: Religion causes trauma when it is highly controlling and prevents people from thinking for themselves and trusting their own feelings. Groups that demand obedience and conformity produce fear, not love and growth. With constant judgment of self and others, people become alienated from themselves, each other, and the world. Religion in its worst forms causes separation.

Conversely, groups that connect people and promote self-knowledge and personal growth can be said to be healthy. The book, Healthy Religion [17], describes these traits. Such groups put high value on respecting differences, and members feel empowered as individuals.  They provide social support, a place for events and rites of passage, exchange of ideas, inspiration, opportunities for service, and connection to social causes. They encourage spiritual practices that promote health like meditation or principles for living like the golden rule. More and more, non-theists are asking [18] how they can create similar spiritual communities without the supernaturalism. An atheist congregation [19] in London launched this year and has received over 200 inquiries from people wanting to replicate their model.

Some people say that terms like “recovery from religion” and “religious trauma syndrome” are just atheist attempts to pathologize religious belief.

Winell: Mental health professionals have enough to do without going out looking for new pathology. I never set out looking for a “niche topic,” and certainly not religious trauma syndrome. I originally wrote a paper for a conference of the American Psychological Association and thought that would be the end of it. Since then, I have tried to move on to other things several times, but this work has simply grown.

In my opinion, we are simply, as a culture, becoming aware of religious trauma. More and more people are leaving religion, as seen by polls [20] showing that the “religiously unaffiliated” have increased in the last five years from just over 15% to just under 20% of all U.S. adults. It’s no wonder the internet is exploding with websites for former believers from all religions, providing forums [21] for people to support each other. The huge population of people “leaving the fold” includes a subset at risk for RTS, and more people are talking about it and seeking help.  For example, there are thousands of former Mormons [22], and I was asked to speak about RTS at an Exmormon Foundation conference.  I facilitate an international support group online called Release and Reclaim [23]  which has monthly conference calls. An organization called Recovery from Religion, [24] helps people start self-help meet-up groups

Saying that someone is trying to pathologize authoritarian religion is like saying someone pathologized eating disorders by naming them. Before that, they were healthy? No, before that we weren’t noticing. People were suffering, thought they were alone, and blamed themselves.  Professionals had no awareness or training. This is the situation of RTS today. Authoritarian religion is already pathological, and leaving a high-control group can be traumatic. People are already suffering. They need to be recognized and helped. _______________________________

Statistics update:

Numbers of American ‘nones’ continues to rise

October 18, 2019

By David Crary – Associated Press

The portion of Americans with no religious affiliation is rising significantly, in tandem with a sharp drop in the percentage that identifies as Christians, according to new data from the Pew Research Center. …

Pew says all categories of the religiously unaffiliated population – often referred to as the “nones” grew in magnitude. Self-described atheists now account for 4% of U.S. adults, up from 2% in 2009; agnostics account for 5%, up from 3% a decade ago; and 17% of Americans now describe their religion as “nothing in particular,” up from 12% in 2009.

https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Society/2019/1018/Numbers-of-American-nones-continues-to-rise

_______________________________

Marlene Winell interviewed by Valerie Tarico on recovering from religious trauma Uploaded on January 31, 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIfABmbqSMA

24:12

On Moral Politics, a TV program with host Dr. Valerie Tarico, Marlene Winell describes the trauma that can result from harmful experiences with religious indoctrination. Dr. Winell explains that mental health issues are widespread and need to be understood just as we understand PTSD. There are steps to recovery, treatment modalities, and resources available as well. She now refers to this as RTS or Religious Trauma Syndrome. _______________________________

Links:
 
[3] https://www.biblestudyonjesuschrist.com/pog/ask1.htm 
[4] https://marlenewinell.net/leaving-fold-former 
[8] https://journeyfree.org/article/reclaimers/ 
[9] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Thief_in_the_Night_%28film%29 
[10] https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+6%3A23&version=KJV 
[11] https://valerietarico.com/2011/02/04/our-public-schools-their-mission-field/ 
[12] http://www.intrinsicdignity.com/ 
[13] https://www.maryjohnson.co/an-unquenchable-thirst/ 
[14] https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+3%3A5-6&version=KJV [15] https://journeyfree.org/category/uncategorized/ [16] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qrE4pMBlis 
[17] https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Religion-Psychological-Guide-Mature/dp/1425924166 [18] https://www.humanistchaplaincy.org/ [19] https://www.christianpost.com/news/london-atheist-church-model-looking-to-expand-worldwide-91516 [20] https://www.pewforum.org/2012/10/09/nones-on-the-rise/ 
[21] https://new.exchristian.net/ 
[22] https://www.exmormon.org/ 
[23] https://journeyfree.org/group-forum/ [24] https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/

_____________________________________

Get God’s Self-Appointed Messengers Out of Your Head

Valerie Tarico Which buzz phrases from your past are stuck in your brain? “God’s messengers” were all real complicated people with biases, blind spots, favorite foods and morning breath. They were not gods and they are not you. So how can you get them out of your head or at least reduce them to muffled background noise?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElfyYA420F0

[fasterthanmydemons]

((What does Pietro do in his spare time?

{out of breath} Pietro does a lot with his free time, if and when he's permitted to have enough of it to develop hobbies and seek out his interests. Some of them are what you would probably expect, but others might surprise you...

Exercising / Running / Working Out

This one's pretty well expected. Not only does Pietro have a lot of extra energy to burn, but his mind and body are actually healthier if he maintains a very active lifestyle. A more sedentary lifestyle can lead to depression, agitation, irritability, muscle aches, muscle breakdown, and coordination issues. Beyond that, Pietro enjoys exercising. Whether it's running, training, playing sports, or working out in a gym setting, he loves all of it. He also wants to keep his strength up, because he feels like that's his biggest and best asset when protecting other people.

Eating

Eating is essential, of course, but Pietro really needs to keep up with it. Whereas a regular person can go weeks without food if necessary and still survive, Pietro would starve to death in as little as 5-7 days if he stopped eating altogether. This is because his metabolism is so fast that after about 3 days without food, his body would already be starting to break down essential things like muscle in an attempt to survive. This is exacerbated by Pietro's body type. He's a very muscular dude, and all those muscles require a lot of protein, calories, and energy each day to maintain. He also has like only 7-8% body fat, heh, which means his body has very little fat stores to fall back on for energy during starvation events. So all this means that eating is something he must do almost around the clock. Whenever he gets a free moment, he's very likely to be seen snacking, drinking protein smoothies and nutritional supplements, or popping vitamins, assuming he has access to them. Energy drinks and caffeine are a huge no-no for him. They stress his heart out immensely, make him very jittery, and only ramp up his metabolism more, which he doesn't need. But actually, things like electrolyte drinks, vitamin drinks, or meal replacement smoothies and shakes, can actually help supplement his nutrition.

Surfing the 'Net

Pietro actually loves to learn, despite the fact that he can’t focus on studying, gets bored and distracted easily, and says he hates school. He’s actually a sponge for all sorts of useless factoids, haha, and if you give him his own smart phone, tablet, or computer, he will be all over the internet within minutes, looking up whatever interests his energetic brain first, haha. He’ll start looking up things he’s always wondered about, things he’s curious about, things that came up through the course of his day, etc. All the little kid curiosity that he never got to indulge in, he’d definitely indulge now with a smart device, heh. And then he’d get excited about all the things he’s learning and want to tell everyone about them.

Reading Books

Although Pietro has a lot of trouble studying things like languages, history, math, and science from books, he does read for fun if he has access to books he likes. He actually reads startlingly fast when he’s interested in the topic. In particular, Pietro likes sci-fi novels. He can read a couple series of books in a day, easily. In a couple hours, probably, heh. His biggest problem is finding enough books to read, since he goes through them so fast.

Listening to Music

Along with reading books and surfing the internet, listening to music is something Pietro likes to do that he can do quietly while Wanda is sleeping (if they share a room) or just in general at night if he needs to keep the noise levels down. With headphones, he can lie in bed and listen for however long he wants if he can’t sleep. He likes rock and alternative, mostly. Bon Jovi is his absolute favorite. While Wanda was given a television set in her cell in the Hydra lab, Pietro had a radio, and he would always try to find rock music of some kind on it. As a young child, he would always have the radio on in the family apartment too, when he could get away with it.

Quiet Introspection

Most of the time, Pietro is racing from one thing to the next. He’s always moving, always talking, always doing. But there are some times when everything just... stops. It’s rare, and it’s usually indicative of something being on his mind or bothering him in some way, but there are times when he’ll sit somewhere by himself or lie in bed and just... be quiet and think. Usually, he has a focused look on his face, maybe a little brooding, maybe a little troubled. He definitely has a “serious introspection face,” something like this:

Or this:

If you see him with that face, he’s lost in his own thoughts and likely won’t talk much unless you prompt him to. Whatever’s bothering him just has to work itself out in his mind, and when he’s sorted it all out or has found a good place to leave it for a while, he’ll snap out of it. Sometimes he’ll think about his parents’ deaths or other things that bother him when Wanda isn’t around, so that he doesn’t upset her. He needs time to ponder things like that but doesn’t want her to worry about him if she sees him like that.

I think that about covers it for how Pietro spends his free time. Of course, if he gets into a relationship with someone, then part of that free time would also include dating, movie time together, and various other things too. =)

[mbti-notes]

My esfp brother has recently started saying racist things, talking about how white men have it worse in this country than anyone, etc. I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I’m intp, so my instinct is to counter with a factual argument, but this is not an effective way to communicate. For one, he tends to see challenges or contradictions as personal hostility, even when they’re gently stated, and a debate usually ends up with him digging in, raising his voice, and resorting to statements (1)

[con’t: like “It’s just my opinion” or “You just hate me no matter what”. Secondly, he has a slippery relationship with facts and not a lot of philosophical integrity, so logical debate is pretty pointless; sources that confirm his argument are real and ones that don’t are Fake News, and he’ll also freely change his line even if it contradicts what he was arguing yesterday. For these reasons, our family doesn’t usually take the bait when he picks fights or says something outlandish (I think in our interactions, he’s motivated to be racist because he likes to provoke and knows it’s one of the few things he can say that will consistently get under my skin, and also because he thinks I look down on his alt-right friends (he’s right, though I’ve always tried to be diplomatic about why I find that worldview disagreeable). I don’t want to think my brother is a lost cause, and I don’t think he’s as invested in the ideology as some of his friends are at this point but I still don’t know what if anything I could do to get through to him. Any ideas?]

I often hear people say that they hope to have “a reasonable debate” about controversial issues, but then what they proceed to do is not debate but rather squabble, lecture, preach, proselytize, compete, or browbeat. You know that constructive debate (i.e. one that reaches a satisfying conclusion for both parties) can only happen under very specific conditions, including:

good faith: the willingness to give fair consideration to the opposing viewpoint as well as the willingness to allow fair critical examination of your own viewpoint

higher purpose: a commitment from both parties to seek out the truth and put it above personal ego and pride

critical reasoning: the ability to carefully construct and deconstruct arguments such that one can draw logically valid and sound conclusions

I’m not making any statement about you or your intentions. I think you’ve shown patience and restraint. I’m simply pointing out the fact that most people are not prepared to have a proper debate because they do not meet the conditions for being able to debate well. This matters in the sense that you should ask yourself whether it’s worth it for you to engage in debate with someone who is obviously not debating in good faith. This also matters in the sense that, if you are the person who isn’t able to engage in good faith, then you might be part of the problem in creating and continuing the conflict, despite whatever good intentions you possess.

I think many of us know someone who likes to be contrarian for the sake of being contrarian. Perhaps they like the drama of provoking people. Perhaps they like the feeling of being “special” in going against the grain or belonging to an “underdog” tribe. Perhaps they hide behind victim mentality (i.e. claiming “persecution” of their beliefs) because they don’t want to feel responsible/guilty for their ignorance or complicity. If someone is irrationally motivated to hold on to their beliefs, they’re not open-minded, in fact, they might even “debate” you just to use you as an excuse to double and triple down on their beliefs. It would be nice if everyone in the world were rational and came to their beliefs rationally and listened to reason all the time, but humans are just not that simple.

People at low levels of ego development have a very difficult time admitting when they’re wrong, often due to misplaced pride. Also, Fs use their moral beliefs to define who they are, which adds an additional obstacle to changing their mind. ESFPs are not particularly serious people, and that can be an advantage because it means that they are mentally flexible in terms of easily getting bored with any one idea. If you are right that your brother is only “flirting” with these beliefs and doesn’t actually believe in them wholeheartedly, then you should be careful about pushing him the wrong way. You don’t want to push him into a position where he is: 1) too embarrassed/ashamed/guilty to admit to being wrong, and 2) too personally identified with these beliefs to change his mind.

Fs are often insecure about their intellectual abilities, so perhaps it is difficult for you to understand how they feel when they have to admit to being wrong - it is a vulnerability for them that serves to harm their self-esteem. Different types have different vulnerabilities, but most people don’t like feeling vulnerable and do what they can to avoid it. Therefore, if you want to change someone’s mind, do it in a way that lets them maintain a sense of dignity in their vulnerability. In other words, make it easier rather than more difficult for someone to change their mind by being sympathetic (e.g. by creating a “we all mistakes” social atmosphere) rather than indulging the desire to humiliate or punish them for their mistakes. 

If he’s just trying to provoke you to get your attention, then he’s not interested in debate, right? It’s a “game” that he plays with you, on repeat. ESFPs are mostly about having fun because they are easily bored, so perhaps this is his way to create some interesting drama between you, though it isn’t fun for you. If you take it too seriously, you push him into defending his beliefs, which has unintended consequences. Studies have shown that simply being asked to defend a belief for a few minutes leads people into identifying more strongly with it. Therefore, avoid putting him on the defensive too often, otherwise the beliefs get gradually subsumed into Fi, and then he really won’t budge.

Also, note that he may genuinely feel that he has it tougher as a guy, etc. Something that people often don’t understand is that inequality hurts everyone. It doesn’t hurt everyone equally, but it does hurt everyone in some way. For example, men also suffer from rigid gender expectations in that they are extremely limited in the ways they can express their identity. Maybe this is the point he’s trying but failing to make. If so, you’d do better to acknowledge the feeling itself while not agreeing with the subsequent conclusion/belief. Of course, you know that feelings do not equal fact, but he doesn’t, because FPs treat feelings as facts. You coming in to counter him with your facts doesn’t work because you’re ignoring that his beliefs don’t come from "fact” as you define it, rather, they come from his personal feelings. Instead of letting him bait you into conflict and invalidating his feelings, tell him that you respect his right to have his feelings/opinions, though you disagree. 

Explicitly establish that you agree to disagree, and you stop playing your role in this game of his. Show people that you understand why they have their beliefs (despite them being wrong), or let them know that you will continue to love them (despite disagreeing with what they stand for). Then they have little reason to feel defensive and hold even tighter to their beliefs. When people approach you with the attitude of “winning” or getting the upper hand (though you have nothing in particular to lose), you should NOT join in and try to get the upper hand over them, because this will make it harder for them to change their mind, since they will perceive it as being “defeated” and then feel “inferior”. Leave people their pride by remaining as neutral about them as possible, then they are more likely to calm down and be reasonable. 

Remember that Fs value relationships and, deep down, they often want nothing more than to be validated and loved. If they have psychological development issues, they may choose the wrong methods for seeking love and attention. In that case, it’s up to you to be the bigger person if possible and avoid playing their game of “bad attention is better than no attention”. He already knows your beliefs at this point, so there’s no need to debate him in circles over and over again. You can simply say that you disagree and leave it at that. If he suddenly shows the willingness and capacity to examine his beliefs, then by all means guide him. But, until then, don’t give him an excuse to engage in tribal mentality and fashion you into his enemy, especially when he’s already feeling “aggrieved”. Focus on the fact that he’s your brother and you care about him. Remember that “to err is human; to forgive, divine”. From there, your approach should be empathetic enough to create the space that is necessary for him to change his mind without losing too much face. It’s hard, but sometimes you have to admit that you can’t help people who don’t want help and/or you might not be the right person to help them at this time.

Yes, some beliefs are quite morally abhorrent and difficult to stomach. But the fact is that they exist out there. The point isn’t about eradicating them, it’s about trying to discover the best strategies for reducing the number of people who believe. One subject I came across in my studies was about people who had been politically radicalized and then later de-radicalized, e.g., incels, terrorists, white supremacists, etc. If you are interested, you might benefit from reading a book or watching a documentary about why people get radicalized so that you understand how it happens and how to avoid exacerbating the process.

[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review

These Violent Delights. By Chloe Gong. New York: Margaret K. McElderry Books, 2020.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction

Part of a Series? Yes, These Violent Delights #1

Summary: The year is 1926, and Shanghai hums to the tune of debauchery. A blood feud between two gangs runs the streets red, leaving the city helpless in the grip of chaos. At the heart of it all is eighteen-year-old Juliette Cai, a former flapper who has returned to assume her role as the proud heir of the Scarlet Gang—a network of criminals far above the law. Their only rivals in power are the White Flowers, who have fought the Scarlets for generations. And behind every move is their heir, Roma Montagov, Juliette’s first love…and first betrayal. But when gangsters on both sides show signs of instability culminating in clawing their own throats out, the people start to whisper. Of a contagion, a madness. Of a monster in the shadows. As the deaths stack up, Juliette and Roma must set their guns—and grudges—aside and work together, for if they can’t stop this mayhem, then there will be no city left for either to rule. Perfect for fans of The Last Magician and Descendant of the Crane, this heart-stopping debut is an imaginative Romeo and Juliet retelling set in 1920s Shanghai, with rival gangs and a monster in the depths of the Huangpu River.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content/Trigger Warnings: violence, blood, gore

Overview: I love the premise of this book. A Romeo and Juliet retelling? Set in 1920s Shanghai? Sign me up! There was so much to love about These Violent Delights: the setting, the characters, the prose, the complexity of the social and political situation... so why didn’t I rate this book higher? Well, despite all the things I loved, I didn’t love the pacing and the plot. In my opinion, Gong had the tendency to kill a lot of suspense and over-explain things, which not only made the main plot feel slow, but I felt like I was being told a lot of things about characters instead of shown. Thus, it was hard for me personally to absorb the significance of things and become emotionally invested. Overall, though, These Violent Delights is an ambitious book, and I look forward to reading the sequel.

Writing: From the first page of the prologue, I was hooked on Gong’s way of describing the look and feel of Shanghai. I love the way she describes settings, using vivid imagery and almost poetic phrases to evoke feelings of seediness and poverty. Gong ensures that her prose doesn’t get too purple, however, so I think she overall strikes a nice balance between being literary and being accessible.

I do, however, think that Gong had the tendency to tell rather than show when it came to descriptions of the characters’ backstories, motivations, or other things, such as the bloodfeud between the gangs. We are told, for example, that there is a bloodfeud, and we get scenes where gang members bristle at the sight of one another, but we don’t really have any scenes where the bloodfeud serves as a major antagonist or threatens characters in a real, tangible way. Juliette’s and Roma’s pasts also don’t feel very laden with pathos, and I got the impression that we were supposed to feel sympathetic without really seeing how their pasts continue to affect them in the present. For example, we’re told that Roma’s mother was killed by Scarlets, but Roma barely ever thinks about her, doesn’t have any longing for her, etc. Perhaps some flashbacks would have helped make these pasts feel more impactful, or maybe a change in the way characters think and act, but as it stands, I didn’t feel like much of the violence was really “present,” so to speak, because everyone who dies isn’t really given a real presence in the novel.

I also think Gong had the tendency to interrupt the flow of her story by inserting unneeded descriptions or background information at inopportune moments. For example, when Roma and Juliette are running from the scene of a crime at one point, they agree to meet up at a restaurant nearby, and Gong proceeds to give us a paragraph on what that restaurant is like. It has no real significance to the action - the characters don’t really spend a lot of time there, and it never comes up again. As a result, we get some descriptive or expositional passages in the middle of a scene, which I think really slows down the book’s pace and removes a sense of urgency. In other words, form didn’t match function in places where it really mattered.

Lastly, I think Gong over-wrote some of her passages to the extent that the reader was being told things that could have been inferred. We would read, for example, passages where Gong would tell us why a character was speaking quietly or why a character was acting in a certain way, and some of those things would be obvious from context. I think Gong could have benefitted from pulling back a little bit and letting readers piece together some things on their own.

Plot: This book mainly follows Roma and Juliette, to heirs to Shanghai’s two most notorious gangs, as they track down a monster which has been causing a mysterious madness to sweep across the city. In my opinion, this madness/monster plot was a little weak - not only did I feel like the mystery itself wasn’t very clever, but I didn’t get the sense that the madness was truly a threat. As I mentioned above, violence doesn’t really have a tangible impact on our named characters - the gangs aren’t shown to suffer much from the impact on their operations (Juliette doesn’t have to make do with less income, for example, and she doesn’t seem all that connected to the common resident of Shanghai to be altruistic) and even if we just accept that Roma and Juliette want to solve the mystery to prove something to their fathers, I didn’t feel like I cared enough about their statuses in the gang to want them to succeed or fail. To solve this problem, I think I would have liked to see more stakes; if they fail, would the gangs be entrusted to more violent people who would do more harm than good? If they fail, would they be chased out of town or sent away? Something a bit more urgent, I think, to show us that. Granted, wanting to impress their fathers is a good motivation, but I wanted more urgency.

Characters: Juliette, our primary heroine, is perhaps the most well-developed character in this book. She’s the heir to the most powerful gang in Shanghai, but despite the nominal security of her title, she has to prove herself worthy because A.) she’s a woman, and B.) she spent a lot of time in America, which makes her too Western for her people’s standards, yet too Chinese for the Europeans living in the city. She’s also hot-blooded and impulsive, which gets her into some trouble (a flaw that I think Gong wrote well, as it felt like Juliette was being ruthless out of some sense of insecurity). I really enjoyed her as a character, and I think Gong wrote her well.

Roma, our primary hero and Juliette’s love interest, is somewhat less interesting. He has some qualities that seem good on paper: he’s an expert with a firearm and isn’t enthusiastic about violence. He also cares deeply for his sister and has a complicated relationship with his father. However, he didn’t have the same level of complexity as Juliette. He didn’t have any convictions about why he and his gang deserved to be in Shanghai, nor did his family’s history with the Bolsheviks seem to influence the way he responded to the communist uprising. I wanted a little more from him, and I wanted to be shown why Juliette was in love with him (other than their history and, supposedly, Roma’s ability to “really see” her).

Supporting characters were hit or miss. I really liked Rosalind and Kathleen, and I loved the dynamics they brought to the story. As sisters and cousins to Juliette, they have a complicated relationship with the Scarlet Gang - they’re family, but not family enough to have true power or protection. I liked that the sisters responded differently to this situation; Kathleen seems more desperate to do whatever Juliette asks, while Rosalind feels that people like her have to deal with all the fallout of the Cai’s actions. Benedikt and Marshall, Roma’s companions, also had a nice dynamic; Marshall is somewhat outgoing while Benedikt was reserved, and the two brought out new behaviors in the other that made me think they have a budding m/m romance. However, I didn’t really understand their motivations enough to feel invested in their stories. They felt more like sidekicks than characters in their own right - they wandered around Shanghai doing errands for their gang, but didn’t really seem integral in ways other than that.

Antagonists were somewhat bland, in my opinion. Tyler, a hot-headed Cai who wants to be the heir instead of Juliette, weaves in and out at convenient moments, inserting tension at random moments that didn’t seem to build on one another. I would have liked a more sustained storyline where he is constantly interfering and competing with Juliette, perhaps to raise the stakes. For example, if he had also been working to track down the monster, and the two had had more confrontations about their progress along the way, Juliette’s success might be a little more urgent. Dmitri, another hot-headed wannabe heir on the White Flower side, is barely present and doesn’t feel like a threat. I would have liked to see the same thing be done with him: have him investigating the mystery, but in a way that opposes how Roma does things (perhaps a way that exacerbates the blood feud). Even the people directly involved with the monster plot seemed to be stock characters, and I wasn’t entirely convinced that they were formidable opponents for our protagonists.

Romance: For a Romeo and Juliet retelling, I was surprised that the romance (or the relationship, at the very least) wasn’t more of a focus in this book. I guess if the book hadn’t been marketed that way, my thoughts might be different, but then again, many of the names are deliberately crafted to resemble the names in Shakespeare’s play. Even so, I think I liked that the romance didn’t take center stage all the time, as it allowed Gong to give us a retelling that wasn’t just the same plot points as the original play.

However, I definitely would have liked more tension or angst in the scenes when Roma and Juliette were together. We’re told (rather than shown) that the two have a complicated history, but when they’re working together, there’s no real chemistry that convinced me that the two still had feelings for one another. Juliette tells us in her POV that Roma sees her and understands her, but other than that, I didn’t get the sense that there was any passion or emotional intimacy between the two - just history. I would have liked to see more conflicted emotions in the places when Juliette or Roma are forced to interact so that there is a stronger buildup to the more intense emotions later in the book. But as it stands, the revival of their romantic feelings felt rather sudden, and I didn’t quite understand why the two were in love.

Themes: One major thing that I think Gong did really well was convey her passion about the state of Shanghai during the time period, especially when talking about politics and colonialism. Gong would have her characters meditate on the conflict between nationalists and communists, as well as the presence of Westerners and other foreigners who don’t bother to respect or engage with Chinese culture (or language). For example, Juliette often remarked upon how she felt like a stranger in her own country, and a lot of the ways she had to navigate racism and sexism reflected that. In my opinion, these themes brought out the best in Gong’s writing, as I could tell that she was invested in them and had a lot to say.

TL;DR: These Violent Delights has an intriguing premise and a well-developed heroine, and Gong is at her best when writing about these things while pushing back against colonialism in 20th century Shanghai. However, I ultimately didn’t feel like I could get emotionally invested in the gang dynamics, the romance, or the mystery itself, mainly because of the writing style and the lack of explicit stakes.

[bluetiefling]

So, Cursed (2020), is pretty bad! And I wanted to say a few things because somebody had to. This is mostly ranting.

Cursed was rife with problems from poor pacing to poor worldbuilding to plain cliche and uninspired story arcs, but the most glaring issue has gotta be Katherine herself who c a n n o t carry this thing. It was gonna take a very strong and compelling actress to make Miss Nimmyway work and she is not that. The wooden acting just exacerbates all the issues the character has, which plague a lot of badly conceived fantasy protagonists. Mainly, being devoid of real charm and personality and having no agency because she plods through the story largely reacting to everything and not driving the action (while other characters fall at her feet and love her inexplicably and are there to hold her hand and tell her plot points to react to etc). When she starts “acting out” and showing I guess some semblance of personality, it’s because of ~magic corrupting her, so of course when she snaps at someone or goes into a rage it’s not really her fault and there’s no growth or organic character conflict to develop her. She also does a thing I’ve grown to loath in many protagonists where they get people killed or make stupid mistakes, and then angst about it but really they’re not taking any blame or examining their behavior, they’re just wallowing and making it about themselves. And of course other characters are there immediately to coddle her because actually, she did nothing wrong! And please, be our queen, girl we met five minutes ago who merely showed off some powers (which she complained about the whole time btw)!

Devon as Arthur is great and he can actually act, and he was trying so, so hard sell his romantic dynamic with Ninny but there was no saving it. He was one of many better and multifaceted characters trapped in her orbit where her lack of charisma and overall static character development makes it very hard to understand why he’s so sprung over her, let alone why she wins anyone else over enough that they want her as queen. And on that note idk why all the other characters (her included!) constantly treated him so badly and he himself keeps struggling with his own honor and sense of goodness when he’s an all around goodhearted and noble guy from the jump. It’s like the show was gaslighting me lol. I feel like their plan too is for Arthur to win hearts and minds and take the throne through merit, which I am here for, but I suspect they’re gonna frame it like he stole it from Ninny or something. Like I personally would love that because she sucks, but it’ll be tedious sitting through a show telling me she’s been so wronged by him, if that’s where they’re going with this eventually. I mean they’ve already had it so Morgana only starts feeling negatively about Ninny because (again) corrupting magic, because this show can’t bear to have characters form doubts about her competence or worthiness in a sincere way. 

Morgana is another character played by a lovely and talented actress who immediately adores Ninny (well, I guess not immediately, but they had Ninny tell her “hey, being gay is okay” and that’s enough for Morgana to declare them bffs forever) and she too suffers from trying to prop up Ninny all season. I couldn’t believe it when in one scene Ninny throws a fit and tosses the sword in a canyon and Morgana jumps to declare she’ll go fetch it while Ninny literally sits and pouts. I mean??? And that’s basically their dynamic - Ninny complaining and Morgana bending over backwards to push this useless girl to her “destiny”. Lol and I guess they’re gonna expect me to side with Ninny when Morgana goes all dark sided. 

It is so telling that one of Arthur and Morgana’s strongest moments was when they get their one (1) scene talking to each other about something that isn’t Ninny related. Devon and Shalom saw the chance to Act and they came alive right there. 

Daniel is the reason I first heard about this show and I unabashedly loved his character and all the dramatic dance fighting - he was the highlight for me lol. (I KNOW I know) But that’s a problem when said character is very underutilized. He appears in every episode I think but sometimes that just amounts to less than a minute of screen time. His secret Lancelot on a path to redemption is one of the few twists on the legend that I’m really into, but there was so little to see of him. Like of course they must have been planning more focus for him next season, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t more they could do with him here. His redemptive turn is prompted by a few scenes in the finale when they could’ve been seeding it more throughout. And I would’ve loved more scenes with him and Arthur (who managed to spark with him in their one fight scene far more than he does with whatshername). Before I’d seen the show I would’ve said I hope he interacted with Ninny a lot to see if there was something worth shipping but uhhh... hard pass on the idea now and it’s maybe a relief I didn’t have to sit through him falling in love with her instantly while she looks bored and delivers her lines with the exact same cadence for every scene.

And speaking of female characters he is presumably going to have a romantic arc with (that’s assuming this show actually gets a s2 which it doesn’t really deserve... .....), we have Red Spear. Or should I say RRRRED SPEEAARRR RAHHH because the actress couldn’t say a line without rage yelling it. And I wouldn’t care except I know this woman is meant to be Guinevere according to the book and.......... ...... ..... Like putting aside my aggravation at Guinevere being another rawwrr warrior woman because these writers have very limited ideas for Strong Female Characters apparently, but I can’t deal with her also being lowkey deranged like RED SPEAR comes across in all her scenes. She was just too much. And we have such a good Arthur and Lancelot and the thought them trying to make that love triangle work with RED SPEAR is actively painful.  

On that note, I’m a tiny bit hopeful that the fact the Guinevere name drop never happened in the show (as it did at the end of the book) means they’ve realized the actress can’t do this and they’ve cut that. Maybe she’ll be recast? Ideally they rewrite the plan for Guinevere entirely and let her be, god forbid, a courtly maiden who can’t fight but is no less “strong” for it? What a concept. The team behind this show doesn’t inspire confidence on that front, though. They seem set in their ways... I am also preparing myself for the possibility that they just merge Nimue and Guinevere after they realize Nimue has largely served her purpose already and they struggle to come up with things for her to do. And then my suffering will continue because I will keep watching this garbage for Daniel.

I have no idea what the viewership numbers are for this show - I would guess not great but worse things have been popular on Netflix so who knows. It doesn’t deserve a s2, but the show is potentially salvageable I think? I mean my recommendation would be letting Nimue stay dead at the end, her purpose and story finished, and let Arthur take over as the main with Lancelot and a new, not Red Spear Guinevere, as co-leads. You could really have something with that combination. Also get a new showrunner and reshuffle the writers’ room while they’re at it.

[echologname]

Healing through #InfinityTrain

Losing a loved one may be worse than dying ourselves.  Your very soul shatters and you're left lying in pieces with a heart which seems unmendable.  The sting of death clouds the days, months and years.  They were your sunshine, the reason to live at all.  How in the world does anyone ever move on when the gash on our hearts is too wide to heal, or the pain too great to ever subside?  For a while, all hope will seem lost and the future nothing more than an empty promise as we desperately search for something to patch the hole in our hearts but nothing will ever be a perfect fit.  Even though we’ll always miss them and long to just have one more minute with them, life must go on and learning how is a puzzling mystery, no matter what age you are.

As children, we often think adults are wise and all knowing or we’ve been led to believe the world is nicer than it actually is.  Then we grow up and are met with a depressingly grim reality and it appears all we’ve been led to believe was a lie and the censorship from trusted adults only served to exacerbate our present feelings of betrayal.  I’ll admit, there are some things that need to be sugar-coated for a child, whose minds are too innocent to tarnish with knowledge of the sin of the world, but when it comes to something that’s currently happening in their lives, some struggle they’re going through which is beyond our control, it’s our duty to show compassion and let them know even though whoever they’ve lost is gone, they’re not alone with this pain.  If we as adults struggle to cope with grief, how can we expect our children to do so as well?

Grief is an important mental health topic and an unavoidable aspect of life.  It’s often accompanied by depression, eating disorders, anxiety and insomnia and can lead to multiple health conditions.  Not to mention some unhealthy ways of coping or sometimes, the unfortunate surrender to the pain, the white flag stained crimson and the soul who felt it was their only way to end their suffering.  If only, there was some glimmer of hope they could have been given, some sort of guide or intervention that may have saved their life?  Sometimes, giving someone something enjoyable, even as simple as a cartoon, is enough to chase away those dark clouds, even if it’s for a little bit, it means the world to someone who thought they would never see the sun again.

Infinity Train is a brilliant show that deals with these struggles head on, and offers characters who are going through some similar situations.  Being able to relate through shared pain, even to a fictional character, is like a soothing blanket, a breath of fresh air from feeling unable to breathe.  Book 1 came out at the worst time in my life and my mental health was taking a nosedive from everything I had been through.  Though Tulip wasn’t dealing with exactly the same issues as I was, she was a programmer like me and that alone allowed me to really connect with her even though she’s 12 and I was 21.  Letting myself attempt to solve the mysteries of the train as I followed her journey gave me something to focus on other than anxious thoughts, a problem I felt I could actually solve since solving my own issues seemed hopeless.  There truly is a healing and therapeutic quality to a good story and since we all have to deal with life’s hurdles and downright beatings, it’s nice to be able to use our connections to characters to insert ourselves into their stories and experience their journey of healing so we can then, do something similar in our own lives.  Getting back on my feet from trauma hasn’t been easy, it’s taken a few years and I should have seen a therapist long ago, but they’re not easy to come by or afford.  My healing has been done primarily through focusing on things I enjoy like cartoons which has allowed me to discover more of myself and meet new friends who’ve helped me.  Yes, healing can take much more than a single show but when overcoming a challenge seems insurmountable, any little help is priceless.  I am forever indebted to shows like Infinity Train for their heartfelt stories and inspiring therapeutic creativity and resparking joy into my life.

[johannstutt413]

(requested by calligomiles)

“I’m telling you, this is a terrible idea.” Istina was in a lecturing mood as the trio walked to the Doctor’s office. “A refined woman like her would never agree to something like this.”

“You kind of suggested this yourself, Istina,” Gummy observed, happily holding hands with both the grumbler and the general.

Zima nodded. “Gummy makes a good point. We wouldn’t be doing this if you hadn’t said anything.”

“I said that in confidence and in jest...somewhat.” She blushed. “I didn’t expect you two to take me seriously.”

“We always take you seriously! Especially since we were already thinking it.”

Istina sighed. “I’ll be more careful next time, then.”

“Next time?” Gummy stared at her. “Do you have another person in mind?”

“No, I meant- never mind.”

The general stopped at the door to the Doctor’s office, the other two doing likewise. “Alright, the moment of truth. Everyone remember the plan?”

“You make the suggestion, and we provide supplementary reasoning if necessary.” Istina wiped her brow. “I feel less nervous in the field.”

“It’ll be alright, don’t worry!” Gummy kissed her on the cheek, which only seemed to exacerbate the problem.

Zima smiled to herself for a moment before stepping forward to open the door. “Let’s do this.”

“Ah, if it isn’t the USG.” The Doctor was at her desk, reclining in her chair with one hand on a mouse and the other behind her head. “You girls need something from me?”

“Yes. We want you to join our...what did you call it, Istina? A polycule?”

Istina, put on the spot, flustered again. “Yes, that was the word I used.”

“Good.” The general turned back to their target, whose jaw was swinging precariously on its hinge. “Are you interested?”

“I...your what?”

Gummy piped up with, “It’s when a group of people all love each other, but romantically, not just like friends!”

“...Okay, I’m following now. Thank you, Gummy.” It didn’t do much for her shock, admittedly, but it was a start. “But why do you want me? Granted, I only have Kal’tsit’s word to go off of on this, but I’m always busy, really too busy for romantic attachments of any kind, and I must be at least ten years older than you all.”

“Ten years isn’t that much, is it?” Gummy looked from Istina to Zima for any indicator it was, and none was forthcoming.

Istina steadied herself, partially leaning on her paramour, before speaking up. “Doctor, we need someone more experienced to balance us. As a group, we run the gamut of temperaments, and while Gummy is an excellent mediator when myself and Zima are debating, she shouldn’t have to bear that burden alone. Furthermore, while three is a rather pleasant number, there are times one of us - to be frank, myself - are, as you said, too busy or tired to fully participate, or simply aren’t in the mood, and it’s rather awkward to be left out like this for no other reason than waking up with less energy than normal that day. And as to the age difference...I believe I speak for all of us when I say time has only refined your appearance.”

“In other words, all three of us think you’re hot.” Zima took Istina’s glare in stride. “Does that answer your questions?”

“I have about a thousand more now, honestly. How did this ‘polycule’ start, exactly?”

All three of them blushed as they experienced the same flashback. Gummy was the first to speak up. “Um...well, I had a crush on both of them, and Istina had a crush on Zima, and-”

“-It was after we escaped the worst of Ursus’ collapse,” Istina interjected.  “We were celebrating surviving all of the carnage, and there was a lot of vodka involved-”

“-We woke up the next morning in one bed, and it was the warmest I’d ever felt...so we just made a habit of it since. Minus the alcohol, sometimes.”

The Doctor looked at her computer, at her ringless hands, at the trio of somewhat embarrassed girls baring their souls to her...and after a brief argument with herself, she sighed. “The AC in my room always keeps me up at night; I could use more warmth in my life, and after Istina said more words to me just now than I think she has since I first met her, I can’t think of anything that would stop me from saying yes...Although, speaking of, Istina, how busy are you with managing the USG’s affairs?”

“Not terribly.” The others watched a smile creep onto her face. “Why do you ask?”

“I’ve been thinking of asking someone to act as my assistant for awhile, but I couldn’t think of who to ask. Would you be interested?”

Gummy cheered as Istina simply couldn’t believe her luck. “I’m incredibly interested, Doctor.”

“Excellent.” The Doctor blushed. “Um, in that case, I...Istina and I can work on orienting her to her new duties, and I’ll see the two of you tonight?”

“See, Istina, I told you it’d all work out!” Gummy gave her a proper bear-hug and kiss before taking Zima’s hand again.

The general nodded. “Istina can show you where we hang out. Don’t enjoy yourself too much, comrade.”

“Eh-heh-heh.” Uncharacteristically giddy, she simply waved her off. “I’ll talk to you two later.” Once they left the office, she let herself squeal just a little, along with a single hop, to try and let off some of the excess joy.

“I should figure out how you’re going to help me...I didn’t think I’d find someone today, so I don’t really have anything planned.”

Istina walked over to the assistant’s desk, plucking a book off the shelf behind it. “That’s okay, Doctor; let me know when you have something for me. I’ll just be over here, trying to...calm down.”

“I wouldn’t recommend that one, then.” She grabbed a different book from behind her desk and rolled over in her chair. “That one has a few explicit scenes in it. Here.”

“Thank you...That was a close one.” As she took the book, their hands lightly touched, and it was dropped the few inches between it and the desk as they both bashfully retreated.

A moment later, and the Doctor shook her head, chuckling to herself. “I’m not going to get any work done like this.”

“I couldn’t focus on this book even if I tried.” Istina looked at her, not quite sure how to capture the emotion she was feeling or the question she wanted to ask in words. “Um...what should we do, then?”

“Something to break the tension would be good...or maybe a nap.”

The Ursan blushed. “Those aren’t completely exclusive.”

“Well, then all the better.” She walked over to the couch and face-planted onto it. “It’s barely past lunch, too...Are you coming, Istina?”

“O-of course. You’re not going to lie like that the whole time, are you?”

The Doctor turned over on her back. “Better?”

“Much.” After one last moment of hesitation, Istina nestled herself against the back of the couch, using the Doctor as her pillow. “It’s...it’s everything I’d hoped for.”

“This was your idea, wasn’t it? You were so cute when you got excited.”

She sighed. “That was rather childish, wasn’t it?...But I couldn’t stop myself.”

“And I wouldn’t dream of asking you to.” The Doctor poked one of her ears, giggling when it twitched. “The world could use more good nature, so you don’t have to hide that from us.”

“Alright, I’ll try...Doctor?”

“Yes?”

Istina shifted in order to look at her face. “I’m still too excited to sleep.”

“So am I.” She plucked the glasses off her assistant’s face, setting them on the floor just under the couch. “Move a little closer.”

“To your face, you mean? We’re already as close as we can be.” Nonetheless, the Ursan did crawl forward some-

-enough for the Doctor to kiss her. “Are you sure about that?”

“Doctor...” That was it, the straw that broke the camel’s back. “Again?”

“Again?” Rather than a verbal response, Istina simply returned the favor. Again, and again, again...

[disneyat34]

Saludos Amigos at 34

A review by Adam D. Jaspering

In 1941, World War II was raging. A number of Latin American countries were beginning to sympathize with the Axis Powers. The Roosevelt administration did not want fascist ideology creeping into the western hemisphere. The State Department needed an ambassador to steer South America towards US interests. They needed Walt Disney.

Walt Disney Animation Studios was in a precarious situation in 1941. For starters, Disney Studios made an irreversible pivot towards feature filmmaking. After the success of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the company expanded. The Hyperion Disney Studio had been abandoned for the larger, more lavish, and pricier Burbank Studio. It was a great cost, but one Disney hoped to offset with his next few pictures.

Disney expected up to 75% of his gross revenue to be earned internationally. Because of the war, the European film market had dried up. As a direct result, Pinocchio and Fantasia were financial losses. Disney had spent too much money and was not earning it back.

These financial struggles culminated in the most infamous labor dispute in the company’s history. Layoffs were imminent, and Disney could only promise security to a small fraction of his 1200 employees. This was the tipping point for the Disney Studio staff.

While Disney proved his mettle as a cartoonist and filmmaker, his business savvy was underdeveloped. Disney was running his big company like a little company, not delegating tasks or departmentalizing. There were wild discrepancies in employee pay and benefits. Animators earned anywhere from $12-$300 a week for the same output of work. Disney, unsympathetic to his employee’s complaints, refused to amend his practices. The ensuing Disney Animator’s Strike lasted from May 29 to September 14th, 1941.

As a result of downsizing and retaliatory firings, Disney Studios exited the strike with only 694 employees. A majority of them, rather incensed by the ordeal. Disney needed three things to keep his company afloat. First, enough money to keep production financially stable. Second, a new market to sell his films until Europe became viable again. Third, he needed to recuse himself from duty until animosity subsided. The US Department of State could provide all three.

The deal was simple. Disney would embark on a 10-week goodwill tour to South America, financed by the United States Government. He would visit Argentina, Brazil, Chile, and Peru. Disney would convince the populace, media, and politicians that The United States was an ally worth keeping. For his cooperation, Disney was given federal loan guarantees, staving off bankruptcy.

Disney brought sixteen faithful employees along on the journey. They were a combination of animators, writers, and composers. They were tasked with soaking up the culture, atmosphere, and influence. Disney Studios would use these inspirations to create two films especially for Latin American audiences: Saludos Amigos (1942) and The Three Caballeros (1944).

Saludos Amigos is comprised of four independent segments, each one centered on a different area of South America: The Peruvian highlands, the Chilean Andes, the Argentinian Pampas, and Rio de Janeiro. Between these segments is video footage of Disney and his crew touring the continent. Perhaps to bookend the segments. Perhaps to ground the cartoons in a sense of reality. Perhaps to pad the runtime; Saludos Amigos is only 42 minutes long!

The first segment is titled Lake Titicaca, taking place at the namesake body of water, resting on the Peruvian and Bolivian border. The short features Donald Duck on vacation.

Donald Duck is one of the most popular characters in the Disney pantheon, and this is his feature film debut. He is appearing in a short within a movie, but it still counts as a feature film debut. Donald is a very static character. You know exactly who he is, what he is capable of, and what sort of situations he will find himself in. Some misfortune will befall him, he’ll overreact, and his anger will exacerbate the situation.

How he behaves in Lake Titicaca is exactly how he behaves in every short. Donald plays a tourist vacationing in Peru. He gets altitude sickness. He upsets a llama. His boat sinks and he’s plunged into the lake. The rope bridge he’s walking across falls apart, sending him careening down a gorge. It’s funny, the slapstick is well done, and it is paced well. It is a very typical Donald Duck cartoon.

It is so representative of Donald Duck, it could easily serve as a stand-alone short. It didn’t need to be part of a movie at all. There’s no massive increase in artistic style. No daring adventure in animation techniques. No groundbreaking backgrounds or design. Disney raised the bar for five consecutive films. Now he was lowering it.

In fairness, the artists did depict the Peruvian environment in a vivid manner. It’s a travel advertisement that doesn’t feel like one. The native craftwork, clothing, and culture are on full display, just as intended. 

For the first half of the short, anyway. Partway, the focus drifts away from Donald Duck visiting Peru to Donald Duck’s wacky hijinks with a llama. In short, Lake Titicaca does a decent job of portraying Peru. However, the focus is on Donald Duck first. Peru is simply the backdrop.

The second featurette is Pedro. Pedro is a personified airplane, the baby in a family of personified airplanes. Pedro’s father’s job is carrying the mail between Chile and Argentina. Every day, he flies over the treacherous Andes. One day, Pedro must fill-in for his father. It’s a parable about growing up and accepting responsibility.

The task and the journey is formidable. It’s made all the more complicated by Aconcagua, the tallest mountain in South America. More than an obstacle, Aconcagua is also personified. He is an angry and territorial mountain, with the ability to control the weather. Whenever planes bother him, he creates storms. It makes little sense. Personified airplanes also make little sense. Clearly, we can accept a large quantity of silliness. 

Much like Lake Titicaca, Pedro is enjoyable, but offers little in terms of cinematic grandeur. It’s easy to understand why. Disney and his group returned from South America in October, 1941. Saludos Amigos debuted in August, 1942. Cinematic grandeur was not the goal. A finished product was the goal.

Throughout the rest of the 1940s, Disney would be releasing a series of package films. Shorts, cobbled together without much rhyme or reason, released as a feature. The combination of Disney’s financial woes and reduced staff forced him to dial his filmic aspirations back. For the foreseeable future, his productions needed to be fast, cheap, and accessible. Saludos Amigos was the forefather of these films.

While the cartoon is underwhelming, it’s not necessarily bad. The major problem is, Pedro offers a very poor representation of Chile. Lake Titicaca offered Peru and its environments as a backdrop. Pedro seems determined to ignore its setting. If young Pedro was carrying mail from Denver to Sacramento, and a personified Pike’s Peak was giving him grief, very little would be changed. There is no Chile in this cartoon dedicated to Chile.

Chileans themselves were well aware of this slight. Chilean cartoonist René Ríos “Pepo” Boettiger was especially frustrated. After seeing Saludos Amigos, Pepo created a truly Chilean cartoon character. Condorito, an animated condor, debuted in 1949. Beginning as a simple comic strip, Condorito has been syndicated internationally, featured in his own comic books, been adapted to TV, film, and a webseries. He remains popular in Chile and throughout Latin America. It’s easy to get inspired by art you like. You can also be inspired by art you don’t like.

Next in the program is El Gaucho Goofy. Here, Disney staple Goofy makes his feature film debut. By 1941, Goofy’s schtick was drifting away from narrative-driven comic shorts and towards a parody of instructional videos. Already, he had “instructed” on baseball, skiing, swimming, fishing, and martial arts. These themed shorts would continue all the way to the 1960s.

El Gaucho Goofy aims to teach the differences between an American cowboy and a South American gaucho. Both have the same job, tending to cattle on the open prairie. The short highlights the regional and cultural differences.

A defining aspect of these satirical Goofy shorts, Goofy is at constant odds with an omniscient narrator. Goofy either tries and fails to follow the provided instructions, or follows the instructions too closely, resulting in disaster. The slapstick is one mere aspect of the humor. The remainder is a dissonance between what the narrator deadpans, and what Goofy actually delivers.

El Gaucho Goofy is funny in its own right. What’s more, Goofy is truly representing the life of a gaucho on the Argentinian Pampas. The short is basic, but entertaining, informative and detailed. Another strike against Pedro, outclassed in dignity and competency by Goofy.

The final segment of the film is Aquarela do Brasil (Watercolor of Brazil). Here, Donald Duck is employed once again. Not simply a sightseer in a foreign land, Donald is paired with Jose Carioca, a parrot and enthusiastic Brazilian patriot. Donald’s fiery temper and bad luck are sidelined for a whirlwind travelogue of Rio de Janeiro.

At the time of filming, Rio was the third most populous city in the western hemisphere (it’s currently fifth). It was the clear intention of the filmmakers to highlight the urban metropolis in all its modern glory. A deliberate rebranding of South America as not just farmers and rural villages. South America also houses centers of industry, culture and commerce, on par with New York.

But when featuring Brazil, one has an obligation to depict the country as a whole. The urban splendor must be paired with the natural beauty. The Amazon river basin and the Pantanal are magnificent natural wonders. Their unique ecosystems and indigenous life contribute to Brazil’s evolution as an empire. Even miles outside the city, there are sights to behold.

The Disney animators depict the natural landscapes well. They create a beautiful watercolor wonderland. A disembodied paintbrush swoops in from offscreen, creating the world in real time. We are given a contrast of deep greens, vivid fluorescents, and rich pastels. It’s very post-impressionistic in style and saturation.

When the short introduces Jose, it shifts into an exploration of Rio de Janeiro’s cityscape. Jose shows off trademark Brazilian interests, including nightclubs and a cachaça bar. Here, Donald partakes of his first glass of cachaça (a Brazilian spirit distilled from sugarcane, quite similar to rum). 

Saludos Amigos, not fully intended for children, has no shame depicting Donald Duck drinking hard liquor. For what it’s worth, he doesn’t seem to enjoy it. Not that the drink tastes bad, Donald can’t stomach alcohol at all. It’s a strange thing to both feature alcohol as a cultural highlight to be respected, but also outwardly discouraging the beverage to a percentage of the viewing audience. Such is the problem of using a children’s cartoon character as a cultural ambassador.

The character of Jose Carioca has a lot of personality. Even more when compared to an oddly subdued Donald, serving as an everyman and American analog. Jose is a passionate, excitable motormouth who launches into long monologues in his native Portuguese. He is often oblivious to Donald not understanding. He has much love for his native Brazil, and is quick to share it with everyone. He especially loves music and dance.

So much so, the movie has no choice but to end on a samba number. Like Fantasia before it, Saludos Amigos has no coda, no outro, and no farewell. Just a title card reading “The End.” Combined with its 42-minute runtime, I can imagine many audience members sitting confused in the theater, waiting for the movie to continue.

Saludos Amigos was never intended to be a masterpiece. It was a piece of propaganda and a tax write-off cobbled together in less than nine months. There are individual elements of the movie to be enjoyed, but nothing especially noteworthy. Had it been made by any studio besides Disney, it would be relegated to obscurity. Not that Saludos Amigos is a celebrated entry in the Disney canon.

The story behind the film’s production is more interesting than the movie itself. Walt & El Grupo, a 2008 documentary, fully detailed Disney and his South American tour. It’s clear that The Walt Disney Company, owner of the archival footage and distributor of the final work, had creative control. Details of Disney’s interoffice troubles and financial debts are briefly mentioned, but the film focuses instead on a recreation of his South American tour. The end result is a very dry, unengaging film.

Despite every problem with Saludos Amigos, it did improve American/South American relations during WWII. The Axis powers had tried to influence South America, but by 1944, Latin America fully embargoed both Germany and Italy. Saludos Amigos didn’t achieve much, but it helped stop fascism from conquering the world. How many movies can make that claim?

Fantasia  Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Pinocchio Bambi Dumbo  Saludos Amigos

[mor-beck-more-problems]

Desperate Gal Pals of White Crest || Morgan & Cece

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @thebickedwitchoftherest & @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: Morgan and Cece hit a roadblock with their research on an exorcism, so they take a field trip.

CONTAINS: drug manipulation tw (magic poisoning), gun (not fired), 

“I know I literally can’t get tired, but if I see one more book handwave harm exorcisms away with ‘wooo dark magic’ and ‘oooh dangerous! Sacrifice!’ I am going keel over with exhaustion. You’ll have to call Regan for my autopsy and explain to my girlfriend that boredom and no helpful answers is the new hip cause of death.” Morgan flopped down the side of the couch, her head dangling over the edge. “Tell me you’ve got something to banish Puritain Carrie,” she groaned. “I need a win. Literally...any kind of win. A can of seltzer of a win.”

Cece was lying on her back on the ground, book in hand and avoiding reading it by listening to Morgan’s melodramatic self-eulogy. She at least knew how to spice up a story and make it more interesting. She made dying of boredom sound marginally interesting. The irony was not lost on Cece. “That’s a lot of pressure to put on me for the record. How am I supposed to talk at your funeral and make your death sound badass that way?” Cece eventually gave in, shutting the book and tossing it away from her in her own dramatic show of exacerbation. “Nothing. These books have lots about magic and yet a surprisingly lacking amount of ghosts. My coven really should have expanded their horizons a bit.” Cece stated, mostly to herself. She rolled over onto her stomach, finding Morgan’s eyes again and pushing herself up, “We need some new source material. There’s got to be somewhere around town with some decent exorcism knowledge, right?”

“You’ll have to make something up much cooler,” Morgan sighed. “Just don’t promise any of my fae friends to tell the truth about me and you’ll be good.” She looked over at the pile of books around them, new purchases on the diamond card Deirdre had gotten for her, and pulls from the Scribrary. She felt guilty about those the most, sneaking in and using Rio’s resources for something he was bound to hate. “We have to be looking in the wrong place. The wrong key-words, or the wrong sections in the library. You would think ‘most brutal harm exorcism’ would be a short dig, but…” She puffed air through her lips. “Apparently the powers that be think discretion is super ‘in.’ Tell me what you found. Let’s go over it again.”

“No worries there. I don’t like making promises to humans.” Cece laughed, thinking of any ideas she could to spice up Morgan’s imagined death and make it a bit more grandeur. She wondered how she could fit fireworks into the story. Maybe one of the daredevil car jumps through a flaming circle. No, this was all way too distracting when she was supposed to be focusing. She shook the thought away and reached for the notepad that she had used to take any notes that she found vaguely helpful. Emphasis on vague. “Nothing too useful. I found some old history on this former Scribe that studied exorcisms. John something. Sounded like a real bore. I got an autobiography by this Amanda Wallace chick who wrote about her haunted house and how she got rid of it. Not exactly sure how factual that one actually is. Basically, I have nothing but crap. You sure we can’t just call the ghostbusters in for this one?”

Morgan’s brow furrowed at the name Wallace. “Is that name from a comic book movie? It sounds familiar…” She turned herself right side up and crawled to Cece to read over her shoulder. She moved so fast, her focus was groggy, but the illustration on the page she was looking at definitely seemed familiar. “No, wait, that’s...fuck, that was in something I read. Not here but…” Morgan fumbled for her laptop and started digging through her browsing history. She looked sheepishly over at Cece, glad that she couldn’t blush. “...Don’t judge me, okay?” She mumbled. Buried under searches for pirated theory articles, halloween themed lingerie, and Buzzfeed quizzes for Which Character from Grey’s Anatomy Are You, was several rows of local blogs, niche social media groups, old news reports, and PDF access links. Morgan scrolled past them all to get to an access link to an article from the library. There was the same picture, Amanda Wallace and a few others. The caption read, Cromwell was mentored in his early years by the local Ghost Watchers Society. Pictured, left to right… The article was about a man named Ernie Cromwell. He was arrested, several times, for vandalism, arson, and public disturbance. He claimed he needed to in order to make the ghosts go away. He also escalated to a much more deadly life of crime after this, around  the period Roy ought to have been town. That’s why she’d been looking in the first place. “Hey, Cece?” She asked. “You wouldn’t happen to know if any of these people are alive, do you?”

“I hope you know that prefacing with that only makes me want to judge you that much more.” Cece perked up immediately, if she wasn’t interested in studying Morgan’s open tabs before, she was definitely interested now. Fortunately, it was so much better than what Cece had predicted. “Oh my god. This might be more embarrassing than if you just had like straight up porn in your search history. Which for the record, I’m in full support of.” Cece added in, finger gunning and winking in Morgan’s direction. “Please tell me you’re an Izzie too.” Cece tried focusing again once Morgan asked her a question about recognizing anyone. She scanned the page but shrugged after a long moment, “I wish I could be more useful. But most of my magic knowledge was before I got to town. I’ve been about as low key as I can manage since I’ve been to town.”

Morgan rolled her eyes. “I appreciate the sex positivity, and so does my girlfriend. And, you know, hopefully she appreciates the spider web themed set I ended up buying. And I’ve taken way too many and no matter what I do, I’m solid 50% Izzie or Meredith. My dark and twisty ways defy simple categories.” She wiggled her brow, mouth curling into a grin, and turned back to the picture. “I swear I’ve seen these faces somewhere. And the names. You don’t remember any from the paper or…” Morgan took out her phone, scrolling furiously. “Oh. Mother of Earth! Oh, this is so weird!” She showed Cece an event page on the UMWC social media page. Two people stood next to a handmade poster advertising GhostWatch Parties. Ostensibly, it was a horror film club. But the names of the two faculty shown were Amanda Wallace and Leigh Cromwell. There was no accounting for coincidence, but it seemed pretty likely that there was a connection to Ernie. “They’re meeting tonight. We have to go, right? Scope things out, set up a time to talk better and see what they can offer, or ask if they have any exorcist finding tips! We’re going, right?”

“Anything for you, as usual.” Cece might not be Deirdre’s biggest fan, but she still wished for a killer sex life for the two. “You know? I can see it, honestly. I support it. Among the characters you could get, I think those are two of the better ones.” Morgan seemed sure that the faces would be familiar, so Cece did her best to study them again, but just ended up shrugging. “You think I read the paper?” She asked the woman curiously. Not a moment later and Morgan was poking the screen and then changing pages to find a social media page. From the college. Cece gasped overdramatically, “Right under your nose this whole time? Also, do you think this horror movie club accepts members that don’t go to the college? Actually never mind that’s not important right now.” Cece jumped up and found her bag, moving towards the coat closet to slip her jacket on. “Well obviously we have to go. What other choice do we have? Plus I need to find out if this club is even worth my time. Which is obviously like a side objective. Priority is the ghost thing for sure. Let’s go!”

The GhostWatchers of White Crest met at Professor Wallace’s ivy covered town house near campus. The gathering was small; only three cars littered the street beyond the driveway. Morgan parked them at the end of the street, positioned to make a quick and easy getaway. The bue-white light of a television illuminated one of the back rooms, bright enough to illuminate parts of the yard as Morgan approached. She knocked on the door gently, but found it already open. Inside was exactly what you would expect from a liberal arts professor. Stacks of papers, catalogues for bamboo kitchenware, and books bursting with post-it’s in every room. Morgan wrinkled her nose at the normalcy of it all. At least she kept a few decorative skull paperweights in the great room and kept the foyer clean.

“How do you think we should play this?” She asked in a whisper, lingering in the front hall, one eye on the back den where the movie, The Innocents, was still going on. “Is it rude if we snoop around first? Should we split up?” Somewhere, she thought, there had to be a private library.

“Wow this place is boring.” Cece yawned as the two slid in through the open door and studied the office that they found themselves in. “You’d think that someone obsessed with exorcisms might have a bit more personality.” She pushed aside a self help book lying on the desk and took a glance at her desk calendar, “She has scheduled times for lunch.” As if that was the most boring thing on the planet.

Either this woman was the worst occultist she had ever seen, or all of her more interesting things were hidden away somewhere. “It’s totally rude, but technically speaking she’s the one that left the door open. She should be more careful about her belongings. So let’s snoop.” Cece wasted no time moving to dig through her other belongings. Given how nonchalant the rest of the room was, Cece wasn’t convinced they were going to find anything too bizarre or helpful just sitting out in the open.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? They hired me because the fun department was empty,” Morgan teased. She watched her feet carefully as she tiptoed onto the plush carpet with her muddy leather oxfords. She hadn’t planned on playing hide and seek in some dusty mini-mansion when she’d left the house, so she was left cringing at every squeak the leather made on the floor and hoping against hope that everyone in the den was too engrossed in the movie to notice.

As luck would have it, the library was one room off from the den. Morgan pointed at it, giving Cece a look of, I don’t know if I got this. One foot, then the other. Could Cece get in there first.

In the den, someone yawned and got up, murmuring about refills. Morgan dropped to the floor, panic in her eyes. Was this the worst idea ever?

The library had to have something useful. If it was just filled with normal literature and more self help books, Cece was going to lose her mind. At least Morgan seemed pretty into the whole espionage thing, tiptoeing around the place and slipping through the door into the library as silently as a mouse. That swiftness and suave attitude seemed to dissipate when movement could be heard from farther in, someone getting up to get a refill. Morgan dropped immediately and Cece remained in the doorway, unsure what the best thing to do in this scenario was. Would the person asking even come this way? Cece crept back a few steps, peaking around to get just a moment’s glance of someone walking towards them. They would definitely see Morgan if something wasn’t done. Would these people be more interested in calling the cops or offing anyone in their way? Cece couldn’t be sure enough, so she figured her only option was to be a distraction of some sort. Back in the office, Cece found a paper weight on the desk and pushed it aside, sliding it off the desk with a loud crack against the floor. That ought to do some distracting.

Morgan heard the paperweight fall before she realized what Cece was doing. Her head whipped around, question marks sprouting all over her face. But whoever was heading her way turned the other direction to see the commotion, and Morgan was able to take her chance. Hopefully Cece wouldn’t be so far behind.

The library was the same as the rest of the house, expected to the point of comical. There were shelves of matching leatherbound British novels, another set of American ones, a whole row of paperbacks and theory that were almost certainly just for posturing, and… who lived like this? Who actually worked here? This was a magazine-style library. Which meant-- “Fuck.” Morgan covered her mouth and flinched. Too loud. Right.

She started peeking behind books, looking for hidden volumes, then the large desk centered at the back of the room. No one really had secret compartment doors, at least not here, the house was too small but-- Morgan kicked back the rug that covered the floor. Cut into the pale hardwood was a heavy door, older and darker, with a black handle that looked to be iron. She peeked her head out, searching for Cece to get her over here, quickly, before anyone realized how reckless they were being in a stranger’s house.

The door was well-oiled and rose silently at Morgan’s tug, and inside-- “Yes!” Beams of light from the other room flashed on. The shadows in the library vanished. It was time to hurry.

Cece ducked behind the desk to avoid whoever was coming towards her. She had successfully distracted the man from discovering Morgan but hadn’t quite thought through the fact that the man would now be coming towards the source of the noise that Cece had caused. Cece began rifling through her purse quickly, pulling a bin of powder free and cupping some into the palm of her hand. Once the footsteps finally became close enough, Cece popped up from behind the counter. “Hi there.”

The man jumped before settling on a confused expression, “Who are you?” He asked, more curious than angry. Probably unsure if Cece was supposed to be there in the first place. “Uh-” Cece began, trying for a long moment to think of an excuse for too long before finally giving up, “I can’t think of a good excuse” She shrugged before pulling her hand up and opening her palm, blowing and sending the powder directly into his face. He stumbled backwards and Cece jumped forward, grabbing onto his shirt and helping direct his fall into the chair by the desk. She patted him softly. Better to get some rest right there.

She slipped across the floor until she found Morgan and then crawled over to her, “For the record I didn’t sign up for this” Cece whispered at her, eyeing the new door that she had discovered. Before hearing more voices. “Welp, after you!”

Morgan’s muscles were already clenched with confusion and unspoken questions. “Sign up for what?” She hissed. “You said we should snoop! Nothing bad has happened, right? And look at all the spooky books down there!” She shined the flashlight on her phone down the ladder, showing tables full of messy, half open books, arcane circles etched on leather, and iron chimes dangling from the ceiling. “Oh, yes, this is the jackpot.”

“Is it now?” A voice called behind them.

Morgan barely suppressed a squeal as Amanda Wallace filled in the doorway. Her straw-white hair seemed to puff up out of sheer rage. “I don’t remember receiving your RSVP, Professor Beck,” she said stiffly. “May I ask what you are doing in my library, opening my trap door?” A smaller, slightly younger head popped up over Amanda’s shoulder and murmured that she’d see the students out. Leigh Cromwell, probably. Guess they weren’t too late for the party after all.

“Hey, Amanda--!” Morgan drew out the words longer, as if a few more syllables in Amanda would help smooth things over, or give her a better idea about what to do next.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me,” Amanda snapped, bristling with a bitter frown. Downstairs, now.” She pointed into the dimly lit trapdoor room, and her look did not suggest that she was entertaining counterarguments at the moment.

“Ummm” Cece considered what may or may not be considered to be bad in Morgan’s mind. And depending on that, whether or not she wanted to share that with Morgan. Putting a man to sleep was hardly that bad, right? She didn’t hurt the man. He would wake up and at worst his memory would be a bit foggy and maybe have some nausea. Nothing that would last more than a week. “Define bad.”

Morgan was right, this was a jackpot. The space was different from the rest of the house. It didn’t look like the end result of an HGTV makeover, for starters. It wasn’t basic or expected. This room was hidden away and it was used. This woman that the two were spying on definitely used this room.

Speaking of the woman they were spying on. Apparently they had been discovered. Cece awkwardly watched  the exchange. Apparently the two were super close work colleagues. “If there was no RSVP, does that mean she wasn’t supposed to bring a plus one?” Cece grinned slightly, completely ignored by the woman and instead following behind Morgan as the two were led away from the space they had just found.

Morgan backed down into the room, feeling, all of a sudden, that she should have told more people where she was going. Of course, she’d told Deirdre they had a lead, but if she were to drop a pin right now, would Deirdre know what to do with it? Remmy might, but the part where she had to explain what she was doing here might not lead to the best of conversations. But, fortunately, there weren’t any high tech keypads standing in their way of getting out. Just one seriously perturbed old woman.

Morgan made her way over to where the stacks of books were the largest and the shelves were packed to bursting. She looked for sigils, icons, anything recognizable. No one ever labeled ‘find harm here,’ but there were unavoidable markers if you knew how to look for them.

“I should report you to the police, for trespassing,” Amanda snapped. “And I could do much worse. But I would like to know first, Professor Beck, what you are doing in my trapdoor of all things. Do you have no respect for others?”

“On the contrary--” Morgan said carefully, flashing Cece big ‘what do we do?’ eyes, “I have the utmost respect for you and your interests.” She backed away until she could back no further. “The interests you keep a secret, especially. I think I might have something that’s of interest to your attention. A ghost something that is, let’s say, too good for mercy.” She reached out for one of the tomes, a leatherbound journal, by the look of it. Not as old as it was pretending to be, and bursting with pasted-in clips and notes.

“Not so fast.” She took out a little pearl handled pistol, gold and shiny, like something out of Agatha Christie. She cocked the safety with a slow, deliberate click. “That’s sensitive material, Professor. Access has to be earned. Tell me the truth, do what I say, and maybe we’ll see about it.”

The two hadn’t found themselves in an ideal situation, Cece was willing to admit that much. The woman that had discovered them hardly seemed especially dangerous. She was a college professor, taller than Cece was but that was hardly an impressive feat. The only thing she looked capable of seriously harming was a student’s grade point average. Still, the woman had enough to hide that she kept it hidden beneath the library, and she really didn’t like the intrusion by her colleague.

Morgan attempted to sweet talk her way out of it. Honestly, Morgan came across as such a pleasant person that Cece probably would have laughed it off if she had found the woman trespassing in her own home. Then again, maybe that didn’t count when Morgan had already previously lived with her. When Morgan reached for a book, hopefully one that Morgan deemed important, Amanda acted with an elevated decree of hostility. Looked like a bingo to Cece. The woman pulled out a small handgun, pointing it at Morgan but still eyeing Cece every now and again. She didn’t show much interest in Cece at all, which may have been more a mistake than anything else. “Your terms and conditions don’t sound all that appealing.” Cece called to her, straightening her back to give herself the appearance of being taller. She wasn’t sure that it worked. “Don’t get me wrong. You have the upper hand here. We’re totally up to no good. But don’t you have a door number three option?”

The woman finally looked Cece over. It had probably been the first time that she had offered her anymore than a passing glance, “I don’t even know who you are. This doesn’t concern you in the slightest.” She turned away from Cece again, but irritation seemed evident. Cece slowly dug into her purse again. She knew she had something else useful in there it was just a matter of rifling around until she found out. Once she did, she popped the lid off and dipped her fingers into it. “I just wanted to give you the option of rethinking your offer. Morgan and I have places to be. Let us go now and we can all enjoy the rest of our nights in peace.”

This time the woman finally turned the gun away from Morgan and towards Cece, at the same time that Cece rose up her hand and grabbed onto the woman’s wrist. “Have you ever heard of curare?” Cece asked the woman, a hint of curiosity in her voice. Though nothing apparent was happening, the woman hadn’t yet pulled the trigger and instead looked silently at Cece. “Some hunting tribes use it to paralyze prey. Normally, it doesn’t have a lot of effect on humans if ingested orally or through the skin.” By the woman’s expression, it was clear the effects had started to take effect now, “But with a bit of alchemy, it can be altered. All of a sudden, it just takes a tiny bit rubbed against the skin to get into the blood system. As Amanda began to fall back, Cece grabbed onto the gun, letting it slip from the woman’s hands as she crashed against the ground. “You should be able to talk still, it might just be a little mumbled. So try to speak up.”

Cece set the gun against the shelf and crossed her arms, “You got any questions for her?” she asked Morgan. Cece wasn’t sure this counted as life or death exactly, but the gun hadn’t been entirely promising. At this rate, Cece knew that she’d have to do something at the end to make sure that Amanda didn’t hold an unfriendly grudge against the two of them. Cece had gone this long, but now in the span of just a few weeks she would be whipping out the memory spell twice. Yikes. “Spare no details, something tells me that Amanda’s memory of the night might end up a bit fuzzy anyways.”

Morgan was scurrying for Cece and wishing zombies had super speed when it happened. She couldn’t let Cece get hurt and didn’t Cece know she was basically bullet-proof? Not one more friend, not one more life she cared about was going down because of-- and then Amanda’s face was going slack and she was sinking to the floor, and Cece was giving a pretty impressive speech of her own. “Holy shit,” Morgan whispered, suddenly feeling a little woozy with shock. Then, as it settled, “You...are so amazing, Cece!” She ran over and gave her a hug, ecstatic with relief. “Okay, so, one of your proteges was arrested for what sounded like some serious supernatural damage, and he said he had to get the ghosts. So I’m thinking you know a lot about exorcisms, maybe harm exorcisms, specifically?”

Amanda made some unintelligible noises that sounded aggravated enough to mean ‘yes’ to Morgan.

“Great! So, where would I find those? Is it here? Or--here? Or--” At the sound more throaty, aggravated groaning, Morgan knew she was right on the money. She hauled out everything from the self she could carry and started looking. “Woah, Nelly, some of these pages are torn from other volumes.” Morgan peered over the desk at Amanda on the floor. “Have you been defacing historical archives? That’s not very polite, you know. I wonder what would happen if I reported some of these original books as damaged and gave your name? That might be a bummer for research funding and future archive access, right?” Satisfied with her fun, she started flipping through, grateful that even though Amanda was a thief, she was at least an organized one. There was a handy table of contents and index between each hodge podge volume, and by some topics there was a reference number that seemed to correspond to a file, probably in the cabinet at the other end of the room.

Amanda made another slurry attempt at speech.

Morgan’s face crinkled. “French Revolution? Did you hear French Revolution?” She gave Cece a look to make sure she hadn’t misunderstood and started checking dates throughout her haul. Sure enough, there was a hefty volume with some emphasis on the 18th century and quite a few notes in French and English as she started flipping through. “Cece, come look at this,” she said. “I think this… I think I found something! What do these ingredients look like to you?”

If Cece had any worries that Morgan might think she had taken things too far, those fears were immediately quelled when Morgan launched into a hug. Cece hugged back, keeping her finger away from any of Morgan’s skin, “I don’t think this would work on zombies, but better not take the chance.” Considering the rest of the abilities that Morgan had now that she was undead, Cece wasn’t convinced it would have paralyzed her the way it had Amanda. If it did, the fast healing probably would have fixed her pretty quickly. But better to avoid the situation regardless. “But that was nothing. Didn’t want her messing up one of our pretty faces.”

Morgan was far better at searching and researching than Cece was. The extent of Cece’s reading had gone into her plans to get away from the coven. Since then, the books she had stolen and brought with her mostly stayed hidden in the floorboards of her closet. Something for a rainy day, if it ever came. For the most part, Cece scanned the shelves as Morgan actually talked to the woman and searched for something that was useful to her.

Cece hadn’t heard French Revolution at first, but hearing Morgan question it made Cece laugh and clap for Morgan’s better hearing skills, “You know I thought I heard bitch contusion but that makes way more sense.” Morgan flipped through a volume and called Cece over to look at something, but the symbols on the page weren’t like anything Cece had worked with before. “Yikes.” Cece started, trying to look for smaller details and anything that did look familiar, “I can pick out a few things. I see some containment symbols. Probably used to keep something trapped. But nothing that I’ve worked with before.”

“Me either,” Morgan admitted, “But that--” she pointed to the word, “Is definitely French for spirit, and some of these ingredients look like they’re obeying sympathetic principles for inflicting pain. I’m gonna need a dictionary or three to figure some of this out, and you know, an expert, but you saw the containment sigil too, right!” She snapped the book shut and held it close to her chest, her eyes shining with relief. “I think this is it, Cece. I think this is--” Morgan was lost for words and only smiled, glowing with gratitude for her friend. “This is the key to everything I’ve been looking for.”

“Well I know a guy if you need a French interpreter.” Cece stated nonchalantly, “Can’t promise he won’t be grumpy about it though.” Cece couldn’t keep an easy grasp on who in town knew who, but it seemed like a safe bet that Morgan and Kaden were acquainted. “Fuck yeah! Former roomies strike again!” Cece called out triumphantly, raising her hand for a high five. Once the two were done celebrating, Cece remembered that they had company. Cece spun around to their host for the night and clapped her hands together, “Amanda. You’ve just been so welcoming tonight, truly. We had a great time. We’re going to wrap up and then I promise it’ll be like we were never even here.” Cece scooted towards her and knelt down towards the woman. “Are we done here Morgan?”

Morgan joined Cece beside her colleague, still light on her feet with victory and beaming with pride in her friend. “We do make pretty good partners in crime if I say so myself,” she said. “And, you know, aside from, hmm---” She reached back over to the desk and took a couple more books. “These. Just for good measure. And fun. Trespassing is rude, Professor Wallace, but pulling guns on your colleagues is far worse.” She nodded at Cece to work her magic. They’d gotten what they came for and then some.

“This probably won’t hurt,” Cece began, pressing her fingers against Amanda’s temple, “Or if it does you won’t remember it. Which is basically the same thing.” Amanda’s eyes were frantic at first, darting back and forth almost definitely trying to will her body to move. But soon they settled, floating shut as Cece dove into her memories to pluck them free. She figured the last half hour or so would do the trick. The woman would be left with a lot of blurry portions on the night, undoubtedly waking up in this room to wonder how she had gotten here. But those were hardly Cece’s concerns. She made sure to go back far enough to when Amanda started suspecting someone was here. Once Cece was done, she left Amanda on the floor and stood up, “She should be waking up soon. She should be able to move shortly after. If you have what we need, we should get out of here.” Cece suggested, heading towards the exit of the room before snapping and swinging back towards her, “Actually, now is probably the best time to mention that there may be another person that conveniently fell asleep in the office. We may want to stop by on our way out and wipe him too. Just to be safe.”

Morgan stopped halfway on the stairs they came down in just to gape at Cece in awe. “Remind me to never underestimate you for the rest of your days. And maybe bring you up on my list of people to call next time I need help with the forces of darkness. You’re a dangerous lady, Cece Bishop…” She gave Cece a chivalrous hand out of the cellar, grinning in the evening light. “But, then again, so am I sometimes.”

[amillioninprizes]

An entirely too long post on how to fix Veronica Mars

So, anyone who has followed this blog for any length of time knows: 1) What a massive Veronica Mars fan I was and 2) how distraught I’ve been over the most recent season that debuted on Hulu in July. I’ve been pretty angry about it since it dropped, but the first month after I was pretty occupied with real life stuff. Now that I’m more settled, I’ve found myself getting sadder and angrier over time with just how terrible S4 was and what an obvious fuck you to longtime fans it was. It feels dumb to be so upset over a tv show, but this show got me through a lot over the past 8 years, and I feel like it’s been taken away from me.

 It’s anyone’s guess as to whether there will be a new season. Ideally it would end here with maybe an alternate ending filmed to avoid alienating fans further. On the one hand, the botched release, overwhelmingly negative response, and silence from the creators after initial interviews don’t look good for renewal chances. On the other hand, Hulu doesn’t have a lot of streaming hits, it probably did relatively decent numbers, and there are rumors floating around that its pickup chances look good. On a personal level, I hate the idea that this is where the legacy of Veronica Mars ends, while at the same time being extremely wary of what the creators have planned. I think a big part of the disappointment with S4 was that the movie and books set up what could have been some really interesting storylines and situations, all of which RT and co. squandered for cheap drama and to apparently turn the show into an entirely new vehicle; additionally I had hope that S4 would be a chance to rectify some problems the show has long had, but again, S4 exacerbated them. At this point I don’t expect anyone higher up in the creative process or at Hulu to give a fuck about the fans or making the show better as long as they hit streaming targets, but here are some suggestions:

Fire Rob Thomas

 While he created the show, it’s become clear that not only has he lost touch with the audience and the original spirit of the character, he doesn’t seem too keen on putting much effort into writing the show (as I will discuss below). Then you have his clear misogyny: his views that women in relationships can’t be interesting, that what makes Veronica interesting as a character is her trauma and how much she can endure, and the fact that basically every female character in the history of the show has a history of sexual victimization. He thought that making the Mexican cartel hitmen “philosophical” was subverting expectations (which says a lot of what his expectations of Latinx characters are). Then this is the way he essentially exploited his long term fan base to earn a new season of the show, only to turn around and tell us that we don’t matter. From a business perspective alone keeping him doesn’t make sense; selling a streaming platform on your loyal fanbase and then proceeding to purposefully piss ~80% of them off would be pretty questionable to me as someone in charge. The sheer cruelty with which he treated not only the fans who have supported him for 15 years (I fucking used to liveblog iZombie y’all. iZombie!), as well as how he callously dismissed long time cast members in favor of celebrity guest stars should not be rewarded. He’s admitted in interviews that he would be ok with younger writers doing a reboot many years in the future; why not just let him have a producer credit and then hand the show over to someone who’s invested in making it good?

Put a woman in charge and diversify the writing staff

A big problem with a) Veronica’s characterization in S4 b) RT’s ideas about what makes female characters interesting c) the show’s long history of problematic treatment of sexual assault is that it comes from a man’s conception of the female experience. The Veronica showcased in S4 and that RT wants to write in the future is very much a male fantasy: hates marriage and children, traumatized, DTF, and is too cool for other women. RT stated in interviews that he wanted to show Veronica at a “crossroads” this season in a way he claimed had been shown for men but not women; many female viewers found this depiction to ring false (few women are spending their time fretting about how committing to marriage after five years in an established relationship will bar us from strange sex going forward). In addition to having RT at the helm, most of the show’s writing staff for the majority of its run has been white dudes, which doesn’t bode well for telling the story of a female PI in a diverse community in today’s political climate. Putting a woman in charge would hopefully help rectify these issues to make the character feel more true to life and put a damper on the misogynistic storytelling. The show has a natural candidate in RT’s second-in-command Diane Ruggiero-Wright (despite her problematic history, never forget #KeisterEggGate), who has admitted to not being able to watch the last episode. Jennifer Graham, who wrote both of the books, would also be a worthy addition to the writing staff; while the books had a mixed reception, most fans agree that she got Veronica’s character right. And with the show’s problematic historical treatment of minority characters, adding more POC writers going forward is also necessary.

Bring back Logan (alive)

You don’t have to be a LoVe shipper to recognize just how integral Logan has been since the inception of the show, not just as Veronica’s partner but as a character is his own right. Logan’s journey in many ways parallels Veronica’s, and shows a contrast in how different characters respond to similar trauma. The most critical plot line in the show’s history, the mystery of who killed Lilly Kane, simply doesn’t work without Logan’s importance to Veronica. RT and his defenders like to claim that Logan was holding her back from true growth, which is frankly bizarre as he is the only character to consistently challenge her, like when he tells her that she obviously isn’t happy this season. Additionally, Logan’s scenes this season were the lone highlight of what was otherwise a painful slog of a season. Of the people who have said they would watch a potential S5, a good portion are only interested because they believe that the ambiguity of the last 10 minutes of the season means he’s not really dead (despite what RT has said in interviews). Then there’s what Logan’s death does to Veronica’s character, effectively cutting off what would have been an interesting character arc and stagnating her forever. No matter how much they try to shove Leo the pedo creep and other milquetoast RT self-insert love interests on us, no one else can possible measure up to Logan’s level in terms of being able to match Veronica as a character, intellectually or as a result of shared history.

Plus, the fact that we haven’t had a Weevil/Logan interaction since S3 is a goddamn travesty and should be rectified immediately.

Bring back Veronica

As sad as I am about Logan’s death, for me the most upsetting aspect of S4 was the assassination of Veronica’s character. For many viewers (including myself), the character we saw Kristen Bell portray in S4 wasn’t Veronica Mars but a different character with the same name. Between her abusive behavior towards Logan, her general indifference to her father’s medical condition, her dismissal of Wallace, and her racism towards Latinx characters (using a kid’s lawyer to threaten deportation: not a good look!), she was lacking the marshmallow-y center that always balanced out the pricklier aspects of her character and made her compelling. This change in characterization was especially jarring given that she was not this way when we last saw her in the books, where she mused about having children and sent her half-brother Hunter to summer camp (side note, but does he even exist anymore?). Many of us who had grown up with Veronica were hoping to see her grow with us as a character; instead we got an extreme regression lower than we’ve ever seen her. It would be one thing if they were trying to depict a PTSD storyline, which would make sense given her background, but since her change in behavior is never addressed by the narrative, it just makes her look like a cruel asshole and makes it impossible to root for her. This is exacerbated by the fact that RT has made it clear he has no interest in portraying her inner life, as shown by his wanting to avoid showing her grief over Logan’s death because it would be a real downer compared to the entertaining but ultimately hollow banter and quips he wants to focus on. Veronica this season was also just plain dumb: you mean to tell me that the girl who nearly got killed by Aaron Echolls in her back seat wouldn’t think to check her backseat every time she gets in a car?  (And let’s not even start with RT’s bizarre assertion in an interview that she apparently votes Republican). Not helping matters was Kristen Bell’s performance, which felt very flat for me this season compared to S1-3 and the movie; I don’t know if this was due to personal limitations or a reflection of the bad writing. Writers of future installments and KB herself would be wise to revisit S1, the movie, and the books to figure out what makes sense for Veronica’s character, leading me to my next point:

Get reacquainted with canon, develop a show bible, and hire a continuity director

This show has long had a problem with dropped plots, timelines, and continuity issues. Shelly Pomroy’s party has two happened either in the summer, or the fall. Then we have the movie paradox: Veronica graduated high school in 2006, which means her 10 year reunion should have taken place in 2016. The movie was released in 2014 and the books seem to keep to 2014 dates. Then S4 states that Keith’s movie accident took place in 2013, and mysteriously ages Veronica up to 35 when she should be 32 in 2019. Logan mentions an Aunt Naomi in S4--why didn’t she take care of him after Aaron was arrested (and what happened to Trina)? How the hell is Leo working as an FBI agent when he presided over the disappearance of the Lilly/Aaron tapes? Veronica is shown to be tentatively forgiving of Weevil taking the settlement from the sheriff’s department in Mr. Kiss and Tell, but is then shown to be extremely angry towards him for it in S4. This is just a small selection of the inconsistencies within the show. Plus there is the problem of repeated plot lines: Veronica rejects Leo in favor of Logan in S1, then rejects Leo in favor of Logan in Mr. Kiss and Tell, only for her to...reject Leo in favor of Logan in S4 (and RT says he wants to leave the high school plots behind). This sloppiness doesn’t bode well for a series that is supposed to be about mysteries, which require tight plotting. It would behove TPTB going forward to once and for all determine a timeline of Veronica’s life, keep a detailed record of past plot and character points, and have at least one person on staff who thinks to remember this stuff (RT notoriously has only a “solid, not spectacular” memory of the show, no matter what Kareem Abdul-Jabbar says).

Make an effort (and do your fucking research) 

Moving on from continuity issues to more general problems with the laziness of RT’s writing. He has basically admitted that he doesn’t care much about facts or characterization when writing plots--he shoehorns details to fit the plot rather than have it evolve organically from the characters and prior canon. I know that when writing it’s often impossible to make every story detail 100% accurate, but the extent of RT’s sloppiness is alarming. This excellent Reddit thread details a lot of the problems with S4 in particular, but this has been a problem since S2. Did anyone ever understand exactly why the Fitzpatricks were invested in framing Logan for Felix’s death? In the movie, it makes no sense that if Cobb and co. wanted Carrie silenced, they would add the complication of framing Logan for her murder--given her history, it would have been a lot easier just to make it look like she had accidentally overdosed. Given his previous patterns of villain writing fans were able to guess the identity of the S4 bomber based on casting alone. The mysteries in both Mr. Kiss and Tell and S4 are both ripped from the headlines, which indicates that RT wants to turn VM into the next Law and Order. Meanwhile, he complained about how hard including Logan in the story in S4 was, while Logan arguably had the best lines and most interesting scenes this season--apparently when you put an effort into things, they work out! This laziness extends past storyline issues and into factual problems that detract from the quality of the plot. Longtime fandom pals are probably tired about hearing me go on and on about how there’s no way Aaron’s lawyers could have gotten Veronica’s medical records due to HIPAA laws. Logan’s career change from naval aviator to intelligence is highly unlikely (and unnecessary, given that they changed it only to fridge him at the end of the season). Meanwhile, I know fanfic writers who have spent hours on the phone with strangers in order to research what type of firearm would cause a specific type of bullet injury. It’s very puzzling to me that RT wants to take the show in the direction of being mystery-only when apart from that one time he is piss poor at writing mysteries and puts no effort into them. I shouldn’t have to tell television writers to, you know, do their job but this is what we’ve come to in 2019.

Know your audience

A majorly annoying thing about the promo for this season is how in every single interview Rob Thomas did he was always talking about how he wanted VM to be like other shows and movies: Fargo, True Detective, Game of Thrones, Chinatown (which is apparently the only noir movie he’s ever seen). The thing is, if I wanted to watch those shows, I would; I watched Veronica Mars specifically because I enjoyed its unique qualities, and I would say most fans agree. The general perception within the fandom is that with this season Rob Thomas seems to have been aiming to dump the old, majority female, CW fanbase in order to achieve what he perceives as a cooler prestigious male fanbase; the issue is, new people aren’t going to take up a show in its fourth season if they didn’t watch or didn’t like earlier seasons. Also, trying to write a prestigious show doesn’t make your show prestigious. Considering that based on anecdotal evidence most of the people who like S4 seem to be male, he may have succeeded in the first part of his aim. However, this majority female fanbase he was so willing to cast aside are the ones who have run fansites and rewatches during fallow times (i.e. between S3 and the movie and then between the books and S4), so drumming up interest among fans (and therefore streaming views) in the future may be a challenge. Plus, women are a better advertising demographic since they are more likely to be in charge of household purchasing decisions, so maintaining us as a fanbase makes business sense as well. He may have tricked enough people into watching S4 that S5 is given a go, but I wouldn’t be surprised if streams are weak beyond that. If the show is to succeed as a commercial endeavor, better to go with appealing to a known quantity than trying to make a generic show that very few people have expressed interest in watching.

Bring back the mystery of the week

This is a more minor thing I felt was missing from S4. I think after the criticism of S3 not having a season-long arc RT overcorrected in focusing on one mystery. However, the mystery of the week had the following benefits: 1) giving chances for the characters to interact and telling us more about them 2) helping to modulate the pace of the season-long arc. With better writing a season-long standalone mystery could maybe work, but in the case of S4 specifically the mystery was kind of dull and repetitive and could have stood to include a couple of diversions in the form of a smaller case here and there.

Re-evaluate the creators’ interpretation of the word “adult”

Much of the promo and reviews for this season noted the more “adult” content to be expected this season now that Veronica’s grown. Many fans hoped that meant seeing Veronica act like, you know, an adult with adult problems rather than a teenager less mature than the actual teenager she was. Unfortunately, the show’s interpretation of the word seems to be more in keeping with a television rating sense of the word--meaning sex, drugs, and gratuitous violence (But apparently not the word “fuck.”). Look, it was expected that as the show moved to a streaming service and given the overall dramatic scope that there would be an upgrade in some of this sort of content (and I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t looking forward to steamier LoVe moments, which were sorely overpromised), but the way it was included this season felt like RT and co. included this stuff just because they could and not to serve the storyline. For me, personally, the biggest example of this was Veronica’s drug use, which I know didn’t necessarily bother everyone. Given her history as the daughter of an alcoholic as well as someone who had been the victim of two roofie attacks, not to mention the fact that her character never seemed to be into partying, I found it very out of character (and book writer Jennifer Graham agrees). It felt like RT included this just bc they thought it would be funny to see Veronica on drugs without considering whether it made sense for her character. Also, were the beheadings strictly necessary? Plus there’s RT’s little temper tantrum over not being able to use curse words this season--they weren’t present in the original show, no one was going to miss them now, and the “cuss” thing was just annoying and reminiscent of The Good Place. 

Dealing with a parent who maybe has dementia--that’s an adult storyline. Too bad RT ended it with a dumb excuse about “mixing meds” (another factual error! Pharmacy software would have caught it!) rather than actually exploring what it would mean for Veronica to see her father in decline and take over the family business (and give Rico Colantoni the exit he appears to want). This is the kind of adult content I would hope to see in future seasons.

Adult is not a synonym for “unrelentingly bleak” either. The original show, while dark, always had an element of hope that was completely removed from S4 (no matter what KB might claim). And would it have killed the writers to show Veronica wearing disguises and going undercover like she used to? There was nothing fun about this season (and no, I don’t count the multiple partying scenes as fun, more like sad).

Kill your darlings

It’s cliche, but it’s true. Another issue the show has long had is the writers keeping around characters or inserting jokes and references for their own personal amusement rather than for the story. The most notable example of this is the continued presence of Dick, a highly problematic character considering he pushed Beaver into the room with Veronica the night of Shelly Pomroy’s party, among a whole host of other racist, sexist, and generally obnoxious actions over the years. But because Ryan Hansen is so widely beloved among the cast and crew, so he stays. Then there’s the matter of the infamous Keister egg in 3x08, which the writers and KB have all expressed love for, despite the fact that said Keister egg is an example of sexual assault--which, even if the victim is a douchey fraternity president, is never funny. 

Also the constant Big Lebowski references are tiring. Watch a new movie.

Improve Neptune’s gender ratio

Veronica Mars, despite having a female lead, has always been a male-dominated show; other than Veronica herself, the only consistent female character over the original show was Mac (and she didn’t even come back this season). This is unacceptable in 2019, for any show. The books introduced promising female characters in the form of Marcia Langdon and Petra Landros, but Marcia’s character was was watered down for S4 and Petra was nowhere to be found. Additionally, Veronica and Mac have always been written as “cool girls” who looked down on other women for their femininity, which isn’t a great message. Almost every other female character, even the innocuous Parker, is portrayed as somehow bad or incompetent. I would love nothing more than a season centered on the women of Neptune and their interactions with each other. While we’re at it, stop giving every woman on this show a background of sexual victimization.

Treat VM as an ensemble show, not a Kristen Bell vanity project 

A major complaint from Burnt Marshmallows and S4 defenders alike was how little time was given over to the original core cast this season. While Veronica may be the protagonist, a large part of how the show became so beloved was her relationships with the other characters. Yet RT has decided that going forward VM will be a KB solo project, with her traveling town to town quipping and sleeping with strangers. This seems strange, given Kristen’s recent interviews talking about how difficult it is to shoot VM and how she never wants to be first on a call sheet ever again, not to mention how she asked for less screen time all the way back in S2, which resulted in the Weevil-Logan storyline, which was way more interesting than Veronica’s storylines during the first half of that season. (The traveling detective thing also seems weird considering that KB is pretty insistent on shooting in LA to be near her family.) Additionally, if this is truly the last season of VM with all the original characters, then no one got a proper sendoff. 

I’m not sure how willing much of the cast will be to return for future iterations, given how uncomfortable many of them seemed during promo as well RT and KB’s treatment of them (insensitive at best, deliberately mean at worst) this season (shout out to Tina Majorino for recognizing what a shit show this was going to be), but bringing back all the original characters into the fold and giving them significant storylines would go a long way to mending fences with fans, improving the show from a character arc perspective, and would also give KB the break she apparently wants. 

Recourt the fanbase

What has VM always been renowned for above all else? It’s incredibly loyal fandom which not only got it renewed twice during its original run but also put up their own money to get the movie made--I know many people who donated when they really couldn’t afford to. RT basically owes the last 6 years of his career to VM fans--the success of the Kickstarter arguably got him the iZombie show running gig, and the fourth season likely wouldn’t have even happened if not for it. Thus, the blatant cruelty and disregard with which RT and KB have treated fans during the promotion of S4 has been incredibly insulting and hurtful; I still can’t fathom what in the world possessed RT to think that throwing away this 15-year relationship was a good idea. It’s not a good sign when the 2 fansites most active during the post-movie period (VMHQ and VM Confessions) cease operations in the wake of S4, and when at least 3 out of 8 board members of the oldest running fan group, Neptune Rising (who were dormant during the post-movie period but played a critical role during earlier fan campaigns and in the S4 promo) resign. A fandom this loyal that was betrayed will not stand idly by if the S5 RT wants to make goes ahead; given the number of tweets the official Hulu VM account has had to delete in the wake of S4 due to the overwhelmingly negative response as well as the controversy over editing out Logan from S4 promos, I imagine that S5 will be a PR nightmare. Even if future seasons are amazing the trust can probably never be fully repaired, but it would be helpful for RT (or fingers crossed, a new show runner) and KB (as star and EP) to go overboard in reaching out to fans and at least admitting they made a misstep with the entirety of S4. Back in the day, the old Mars Investigation fansite was invited to set to conduct interviews; maybe do that again. Also someone should get KB some sort of VM fandom-fluent media trainer because I don’t think she has conducted a single interview during her entire stint on the show that didn’t anger fans (it might help if she actually bothered to watch the show).

Map out an endgame

Look, this can’t go on forever. As long as RT keeps leaving every installment open ended with the hopes of maybe getting renewed again five years down the line, the story is going to keep running into the issues the movie and S4 faced with having to shoehorn the characters into nonsensical plot lines to reconcile those endings and deal with actor availability issues. Either plot another 2-3 seasons to wrap the show up with a satisfying conclusion, or map out a greater timeline of Veronica’s life with spots where a mini series or movie here and there could fit in.

[thecoleopterawithana]

Don’t Let Me Down

AKA Trust Issues

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I am fascinated by Lennon/McCartney. I am fascinated by John, I am fascinated by Paul, and I am fascinated by them together. And my fascination leads me to try and better understand the complex emotional dynamics that played between them. And I must admit, the more I unravel, the greater my fascination becomes. More than that, increased awareness only increases my love for these human beings.

Getting to know them – and, inadvertently, getting to better know myself – has truly been the most wonderful experience.  

This series will both function as a personal attempt to understand them, their actions and motivations – which I find is facilitated by me having to expose it to a third party – and as an ode to their beautiful humanity; a public declaration of how much I appreciate and respect them, and an attempt at expanding, even more, your love for them too.

So please know that this is a labour of love. And that I’m working on a very simple principle:

Understanding leads to Love and Love leads to Understanding.

But let’s get to the specifics about this particular series of posts and the issue that it will explore.

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The Hypothesis

It was never a lack of love, but a lack of trust.

Specifically, a lack of trust in the other’s love.

With this, I mean to say that, if there was anything that compromised the Lennon/McCartney relationship, it was never a diminishing of the love they had for each other, but rather an exacerbation of the fear.

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But how are we going about exploring this issue? Through a lot of observation. Primarily, of their behaviours and their statements about them, which offers us different kinds of information.

When I try to make sense of something as complex and multifaceted as, say, interpersonal dynamics, some strategies become very helpful:

For one, I try to identify underlying patterns and deconstruct them to their barest, simplest forms.

Secondly, I remember that these mechanisms are present for an evolutionary, biological reason.

Let me tell you, bringing biology into it really helps to clear out the seemingly nebulous nature of human emotion.

But you might be (rightly) dubious about trying to understand the whole by simply breaking it down into parts. After all, we all know that “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts”. But for me, I find that in order to really get the full picture, I have to ally both the simplistic and holistic. And in the end, like in a symphony, the true beauty arises from seeing the kaleidoscope of possible interactions between these different components.

But let’s start with the second strategy and built up from that to the first. 

Animals have evolved a great motivator: the Reward System. 

It’s a neat little mechanism that leads us to increase contact with beneficial stimuli and avoid potentially harmful stimuli, in the interest of our own well-being or the continuation of the species. 

So Pleasure is just a signal that says, “this stimulus is good, let’s try it again!”

And Pain is the alarm that alerts us that something is wrong, “this thing is probably bad for us, let’s try to seek relief from it (and consequently, get pleasure) and learn to avoid it next time.” 

So we have “positive” emotions and feelings, those that are attractive or “good”, and “negative” emotions or feelings, those that we are generally averse to and try to escape.

Because the subject we’ll be exploring is the Trust Issues, there will be a greater focus on these “negative” emotions as motivators. 

It doesn’t mean that they weren’t equally motivated by pleasure; as we’ve seen, even seeking relief from pain is chasing pleasure in itself. But because I’m specifically trying to figure out what went wrong, I’m afraid we’re going to have to dwell in these more adverse waters.

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The choice in title is no coincidence. In fact, this specific expression – don’t let me down – is a plea they repeated throughout a lot of their songs:

‘You Can’t Do That’ (1964): So please listen to me, if you wanna stay mine, I can’t help my feelings, I’ll go out of my mind, I’m gonna let you down and leave you flat

‘Hey Jude’ (1968): Hey Jude, don’t let me down

‘Don’t Let Me Down’ (1969):  And if somebody loved me like she do me, Oh, she do me, yes, she does. Don’t let me down!

‘Oh! Darling’ (1969): Oh! Darling, please believe me, I’ll never let you down!

‘3 Legs’ (1970): When I thought you was my friend but you let me down, put my heart around the bend

‘Tomorrow’ (1970): Oh baby, don’t let me down tomorrow, holding hands we both abandon sorrow.

‘The Other Me’ (1982): I want to be the kind of me that doesn’t let you down as a rule

So glaring was the pattern, even Paul remarked on it:

PAUL: There’s a story. There’s another one – ‘Don’t Let Me Down’. “Oh darling, I’ll never let you down.” Like we’re doing—

JOHN: Yeah. It’s like you and me are lovers.

PAUL: [reserved] Yeah.

— Get Back Sessions (24 January 1969).

But what does it mean? What were they begging for or promising?

By definition, to let someone down is to disappoint, to fail to be there for someone as they had hoped, to fall short of expectations.

And it’s this fear of being let down that is at the core of a lot of their problems. 

They didn’t trust the other to be there for them because they were terrified of the pain they would feel if/when he wasn’t.

Because what is fear if not the memory of pain?

We seem to have evolved fear as a defence mechanism against suffering, a pre-emptive signal against that which would harm us. 

But pain itself is nothing more than the signalling of a stimulus, an alarm alerting us to a certain situation so that we can best choose how to deal with it. The way people handle the existence of that alarm, however, is interesting.

John just lets the alarm ring. He lets himself be overwhelmed by it and all the frustration that it brings, alternatively getting down and depressed or resentful and furious. All this, I suspect, because he is convinced that he himself can’t turn it off, but someone or something out there probably can. John has a recurring problem with acknowledging his own agency. After all, it’s arduous to have to make conscious decisions and take responsibility for their consequences. It’s easier to try a find an entity that we can give the reigns to; someone who’ll take care of us, but that we can also blame when things go wrong. So John’s strategy to dealing with the alarm of pain is to look for something/someone that can shut it down for him.

Paul simply ignores that the alarm is ringing (while it remains ringing all the same). He feels it’s his responsibility alone to move past the ringing and carry on. But, truthfully, he doesn’t like the feeling of those “negative” emotions. He’d much rather stay on “pleasure mode” all the time! So rather than acknowledge his unpleasant feelings and having to go through the nasty business of facing them, he’d much rather deny their existence in the first place (and, hopefully, exorcise them through more unconscious and productive means, such as creating music). Also, much in the same way he doesn’t want to hear it himself, Paul doesn’t want others to know that there is an alarm ringing inside him. And he will take protective measures not to have anything set it off again.

As we’ve seen, these protective measures often translate into fear, and specific to this series, lack of trust.

It is my opinion that their basic fear is the same, but that they reacted to it completely differently. And the way they responded to it was so opposite, that it caused a complete breakdown in communication. 

I’ll be attempting to examine this issue further in a series of posts, focusing on either specific stages in their lives or on certain facets of their relationship. To that end, I’ll be updating the section under the cut with links to the various analysis.

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John | If I trust in you, oh please, don’t run and hide

I Just Believe In Me | Disillusionment

As we share in each other’s minds | Climbing the Mountain 

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Paul | Did I ever open up my heart and let you look inside?

When you were young and your heart was an open book | Paul’s Upbringing

I’m scared to say I love you | Verbal Expression of Affection

Paul is a concept by which we measure our pain | Tag explanation

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We’re A Family | The Beatles and Dysfunctional Family Roles

[jacob-harger]

COVID & Clubbing: How Coronavirus has allowed the Tories to pricetag culture

COVID-19 has - unless you’re in the 1% of course - been, to varying degrees damaging to all our lives whether directly through sharply rising unemployment or indirectly through the mental impact of our previous day-to-day existence becoming something dangerous and unpalatable. Millions have suffered, and based on the government’s unfathomably negligent policymaking, will continue to over the coming months. Faced with the plurality of issues facing the UK therefore, it might seem remiss to focus on one area as particularly suffering during the crisis: the so-called ‘nighttime economy.’ Of course, if we were to prioritise our concerns based on the government’s concerns, then clubbing would be in last place. Despite persistently replying to every plea from the live music industry with a blasé response that the government was providing emergency funding to businesses and that the furlough scheme was ensuring continued incomes for individuals during the crisis, the reality was that clubs were for some time ineligible for cultural funding. Equally, musicians, ¾ of whom are self-employed, were like most self-employed individuals left out in the cold faced with minimal government support. 

Following a sustained and widely supported campaign, Let Us Dance, led by and supported by both significant individuals and companies involved in the UK’s nightlife, the government finally committed to including clubs as recipients of £257m of the £1.57bn Cultural Recovery Fund package. However following the commencement of payments earlier this month, only a handful of clubs received support, and the list of recipients was dominated by London, and to a lesser extent Manchester. Some of the largest recipients included Ministry of Sound which scooped up £975,468, Studio Spaces (owner of E1) with £500,000, and controversially, music journalism and ticket vendor Resident Advisor with £750,000. Smaller venues were not completely forgotten, with spaces such as Electrowerkz, The Glory and M.O.T. also receiving funds. Of course, there are numerous notable absences, whether in the form of Queer spaces in the capital, or of course clubs equally in peril outside of London or other major cities. Even in the capital, established locations such as Printworks, Studio 338 and Egg were denied money. Printworks makes for a particularly concerning example, not least as the venue is a clear example of how intertwined clubs are with freelance workers: it employed 34,000 of them last year. If even these established and household names can’t attract government funding, it doesn’t leave much hope for smaller venues with smaller profit margins and smaller audiences. More money is in the pipeline over the coming weeks, so it is too early to judge whether the distribution of funding is fair and effective. However, it is important to note that applicants to the scheme were not just required to demonstrate their importance as cultural institutions, but also that they were financially viable pre-pandemic. It is this second criteria that not only demonstrates the soulless, calculating approach the Tory government has inflicted on culture but also that taps into issues that have plagued club culture, particularly in the capital, for far longer than the last year. 

Quietly over the last 15 years or so there has been a subtle transition from references to club culture toward a far more insidious term: the nighttime economy. The commercialisation of the arts has a history that stretches back decades, and spans many different artforms: art itself is the most dramatic example. However, for a space that was in its origins so vocally committed to the levelling of individuals, escapism, and freedom of expression as the nightclub, this transition should be especially troubling. Long before the pandemic, rising ticket prices were freezing out the very people that club culture was designed to bring in, and smaller venues that bravely attempted to buck the trend and pursue a more authentic vision of inclusivity were being closed down to make way for flats that, thanks to London’s soaring house market, were far more profitable for landlords and investors than noisy hedonistic clubs whose existence rebelled against their profit-driven perspective of the world. Inclusivity gave way to VIP culture as the same inequality that people fled to the club from found its way into those very spaces. Gentrification and the sterilisation of culture that it brings with it is a familiar story to anyone living in London, and increasingly across any UK city, as vibrant and expressive collective individuality is steamrolled by a constant influx of cold, indifferent money. This is an old story, but in many ways what the pandemic has done is exacerbate and possibly catalyse this narrative. The government’s criteria that nightclubs be financially viable as an enterprise automatically betrays the lack of government interest in meaningfully sustaining culture. There are numerous spaces, in London and beyond, that have consistently prioritised their cultural contribution over their financial viability. Numerous spaces that promote underground music, provide safe spaces for marginalised communities, or provide a platform to young creatives have already struggled against the odds to eke out a continued existence in the capital - and of course, many have lost that battle. Yet now more than ever, the government is pursuing a policy of pricing up those cultural institutions, and those spaces which don’t price up right have been left to fend for themselves. It’s not exactly surprising that a Conservative government is continuing its longstanding policy of suppressing and delegitimising youth culture; after all, similar repression defined club culture in its infancy. However, over the last two decades countless individuals and collectives have striven to establish spaces, against the odds, that not only celebrate youth culture but also provide refuge for marginalised groups from governments that claim to act in their best interests but consistently prove otherwise. The perseverance of these spaces against immense pressure has been part of what has made them so special, so vital and has also contributed to London’s truly unique cultural output, recognised globally. The Tories want to talk about London as a global financial hub, but young people the world over see a global cultural hub, and that is in no small part thanks to exactly the kinds of spaces which, in refusing to bow to commercialisation, have served as beacons of authentic cultural diversity and inclusion. These are exactly the places that are directly threatened by the government’s policies.

Of course, we’re all complicit in this price-tagging of culture, in embracing the ‘nighttime economy.’ Popular Instagram posts that circulated in support of funding for arts and culture predominantly sought to leverage the financial value of these sectors. The Let Us Dance campaign also sought to leverage its financial value front and center in its campaign, in an effort to prove its ‘worth’. Of course, this is done with the absolute best of intentions, and you can easily see why faced with the immediacy of the emergency facing these institutions, playing by the Tories’ rules in the short-term is an effective and sensible strategy. However, it points to a problem that has deep roots. Moreover, the price-tagging of nightlife distracts attention from the vital cultural ecosystems that these places are both participants in and pillars of. Recent research by Help Musicians UK revealed that 55% of musicians had earned no money since the onset of the pandemic, a troubling sign that without venues to act as platforms, not only musicians but the variety of auxiliary staff needed to execute live music events are really struggling. With the government set to supply just 20% of self-employed individuals’ wages moving forward, an already dire situation appears set to become even worse. 

All this points to the way in which venues, particularly nightclubs, operate as far more than simply venues. Apart from being invaluable communal spaces for groups which aren’t as easily able to congregate in different locations, nightclubs are vital to the electronic music scene. Aspiring young producers, by sharing demos with established DJs, often find their first proper exposure on the dancefloor. DJs looking to initially establish themselves on the scene hone mixtapes to distribute to venues. Promoters, at their best, refine concepts that tie together producers, DJs and communities in one place to create memorable and unique nights. A quick google of advice for young DJs looking to kickstart a career reveals that the unanimously advised best option is to get down into the clubs, to build networks and to persist in the search for an opportunity to get behind the decks. COVID-19 has rendered that completely impossible, and whilst the internet offers a great platform for established DJs to continue to connect with their audiences in a different environment, what is lost is that opportunity for lesser known DJs to demonstrate their capabilities, in the warm-up slots for example that have served as a key means for up-and-coming DJs to make a name for themselves. Producers continue to create productions, and DJs at all stages of their careers continue to mix and refine their skill, but for those lower on the ladder, having these venues taken away has cut off their means of climbing the ladder. Those higher up can at least, via live streaming, radio or simply self-releasing, continue to promote themselves with an eye on bookings for when, if ever, we can return to something resembling normalcy. Therefore it is perhaps not overdramatic to hear of several top DJs share their concerns of a lost cohort of talent going forward, a situation that would only worsen the longer this situation lasts.

Of course, this situation is not easily addressed, and individuals as well groups associated with nightlife will no doubt have to be creative in finding solutions - and no doubt they will be. However, it does demonstrate the particularly acute difficulty facing artists and DJs associated with electronic music, part of the far more systematic problem facing the UK’s creative art and cultural scene as a whole during this period. What it also demonstrates is that nightclubs are far more than simply businesses, something lost on a Conservative government that conditions its support foremost on economic viability. Alarmingly they also are supplying funding allegedly on the condition that venues which do accept grants are required to post positively about receiving that funding on social media channels. This disturbing development only reinforces an image of a Tory government leveraging financial support as a means to enforce cultural conformity, as well as to project an image, falsely, that the government is meaningful about supporting culture.

As noted before, it’s still early days for the grant program, and how fairly distributed funding will be is something that will become clearer over the coming weeks. However, the initial signs are worrying, with the criteria for and conditions of accepting grants suggesting that the government is more interested in preserving commercially viable culture than in really engaging with affected communities to ensure that the spaces that act as their second homes are able to make it through the pandemic, no matter how viable a business they may be. For a government that never ceases to surpass our expectations of its incompetence and cold indifference toward the population at large, the grant scheme for nightclubs just serves as another example. But for the marginalised groups and musicians who had already been fighting against the odds to survive in a gentrified London, the potential for the government’s policy to do lasting damage to their world is very real.