#and then continue to buy one book at a time to pace myself

[princesscallyie]

Me after reading my first novel in like over a decade after I got back into reading:

[canonkiller]

Hi, I'm Canon. I'm a disabled artist with some kind of gender and homosexual tendencies. You might have seen my usernames around in posts about loving OCs, or complaining about video game inaccessibility, or attached to one of the worm-centric comics I made, like these ones:

I hate having to ask for help when there's already so much going on, but I am also At My Limit.

To make a long story short, I am very disabled in multiple ways and I am living in a very inaccessible (and often directly disability-hostile) home. While I live with family, they do not provide assistance (financial or otherwise) and our rural location and the glacial pace of Canada's social services have left me A Bit Fucked. (Whatever you think Canada's health care provides, either it doesn't, or it takes half a year to even book an appointment.)

I've asked for help in the past with smaller goals, but costs continue to add up - and this time, finally, I may be able to actually make permanent accessibility changes to the household... if I can fund it myself. On the amount I get from the disability support program in my province, I can't do that; I would have to stop eating for months to afford even one of the major renovations in that time, and, obviously, I can't do that.

What kind of accessibility updates would this be going towards?:

A wheelchair ramp at at least one exit of the house; there are four potential exits, and all of them are currently multiple sets of stairs without railings.

A stair lift (for upstairs access) or a walk in tub (for downstairs access), depending on what my family will agree to

Dressers / storage that I am physically capable of opening

HRT (guess what isn't covered by Canada's health care, apparently!)

A whole mess of medical appointments (vision, prescriptions, dental, infinite various symptom testings) and transportation to and from those appointments (guess what else isn't covered!!)

A functional freezer

Physiotherapy 👍

Food 👍👍👍

And how can you donate?:

Donate directly to my Ko-fi page

Pledge monthly to my Ko-fi membership tiers

Order a commission from me (you'll be added to a queue; I can't provide completion time estimates right now)

Buy my premade digital goods (TTRPG resources, bases, tattoo tickets, etc) through Ko-fi or itch.io

Buy my art on physical goods through Redbubble or INPRNT

Buy designs / adoptables I've made through Toyhouse

Buy things off of my Amazon accessibility wishlist

I'm trying to buy used and second-hand / go through free stuff groups where I can to save costs, so I don't have a fixed goal and genuinely every bit helps. I really want to be able to get back to functioning somewhat normally, and due to Circumstances - as embarrassing as it is - I can't do that on my own, and I can't keep struggling with it the way I have been.

Thank you for your time, and any help you're able to provide. Reblogs are welcome and appreciated.

[mimisempai]

I wasn't expecting you 4/5

Chapter Summary - Pastry date

Aziraphale comes as expected to collect his pastries, and receives a lot more...

Notes

It seems they're good at surprising each other...

On Ao3

Rating G -  2202 words

Chap 1 - Chap 2 - Chap 3 - Chap 4 - Chap 5

"So how did you like it last night?"

Crowley, who was restocking the pastries in the display case, replied to Nina without turning around, " You guys are a pretty nice, fun group. Even if you've had one too many."

As he chuckled, Nina protested, "Hey, it was the carpet seller who had one too many. We weren't sober, that's clear, but we weren't drunk either. Besides, you should be thanking us for taking care of the 'Brown' problem."

"Yes, in a very subtle way."

He straightened and Nina shrugged, "It's the result that counts, right?"

She leaned toward him and said in a conspiratorial voice, "And what do you think of the bookseller?"

"He is... interesting."

"Interesting?! Interesting?! I had to put up with poor Mr. Brown's lamentations, and all you can tell me is that he is interesting?"

Their bickering was interrupted by the jingle of the door bell, and Crowley's chuckle died in his throat as the object of their conversation had just walked through the door.

Nina nudged him and whispered, "I'll leave you with this... interesting customer."

Crowley shook his head as he watched Aziraphale approach the counter and greeted him, "Welcome Aziraphale, what will it be today?"

"Good morning Crowley. I don't know yet, let me see what you have."

The barista watched with mild amusement as the bookseller paced back and forth in front of the display case, hands behind his back, looking for his pastry.

Then Aziraphale turned to him and said, "I'd be tempted by a slice of apple pie, but the slices are pretty big. I was wondering..."

He took a few steps closer and continued, "Do you have a break? Maybe we could share it and..."

Crowley didn't have time to react as he felt Nina unfasten his apron behind his back while she said, "He's entitled to a break and besides, as luck would have it, it's now." Then she nudged Crowley and added, "Come on, come on, half an hour, so don't waste a minute. I'll bring you the pie and..."

Aziraphale, an amused gleam in his eye, continued, "A cup of Earl Grey."

Crowley, realizing he had no chance of resisting, not that he wanted to, added, "An espresso for me."

He pointed to an empty table in the back of the coffee shop and said to Aziraphale, "After you."

A few seconds later, they sat down and waited for Nina to come up with their 'order'. When she had placed the drinks and the halved slice of pie on the table, she said to Crowley, "The half-hour starts now," then walked away without looking back.

The two men looked at each other and laughed together.

"Always so subtle."

Crowley nodded before asking, "Isn't the bookshop open this morning?"

"Yes, Muriel, my co-worker is here. I don't like dealing with customers, but they're very good at it, so we work it out."

The barista nodded and asked with interest, without a trace of judgment in his voice, "So it wasn't really a joke on Nina's part?"

Aziraphale shook his head and said in a self-deprecating tone, "I inherited this bookshop. It was my grandfather's, and he took me in when I left my... family at 18. I'm a literary critic, I love to read, and I'm not really a shopkeeper, not to mention the fact that I'm very attached to books, so I find it hard to part with them. But it's no miracle, you have to make money to keep the shop going, so Muriel came along at just the right time, a bit like you did with Nina. They intuitively know which books to buy for the bookshop to sell and which ones belong to my... collection. So they take care of the practical side of things, and I can get on with my work, surrounded by my precious books.  I'm not even a bookseller, you see".  

"Impostor," Crowley teased as he took a bite of pie.

Aziraphale laughed softly and continued, "But I'm only talking about myself. I know barista isn't your only job. What else have you done?"

Crowley replied, "Barista is the job I've done the most, but I've also been hired several times as a mechanic's helper because I have an old car I like to tinker with, and I've also done courier work. But none of that is my dream job. In fact, the reason I wanted something more stable and to be able to settle down is because..."

Crowley paused, realizing he was about to tell someone about his dream for the first time, and someone he barely knew. 

Aziraphale must have sensed his hesitation, because he said quietly, "If you don't want to talk about it, I understand, you know, we barely know each other, you don't have to..."

But Crowley wanted to, he had this compulsion, this feeling that he could tell the other man anything, so he continued, "I want to study astronomy. I know it's ridiculous, and I don't-"

"Hey, don't say that! Let me remind you that you're talking to a bookseller who doesn't sell books! My only question is, why this particular field?"

"I grew up in the country, and on summer evenings when the sky was clear, my father and I would often go to the same clearing to look at the sky. He would show me the constellations, know the names of some of the planets, and always tell me that he regretted that he hadn't studied to understand more. So when I was about ten, I promised myself I'd learn as much as I could so I could show him a lot more. But when I had just started college..."

His throat tightened and for a few moments he was unable to continue. Sensing his emotion, Aziraphale put his hand on his, which was next to his cup, and said gently, "Take your time."

Crowley thanked him with a smile, warmed by the kindness in Aziraphale's eyes, and lowered his gaze to take the time to collect himself so he could continue. 

After a few seconds, when he felt able, he resumed, "But he and Mom were in a terrible car accident and didn't make it, so, as they were my only family, I had to work to support myself and had to forget that childhood dream. Until now. I don't know if I want to make a living out of it, but I want to be able to fulfill that dream, for myself and for my father. There, you know everything."

Looking up, he saw Aziraphale's eyes shining with unshed tears as the bookseller said quietly, "Thank you for your honesty. I'm truly sorry for the loss of your parents. I know we barely know each other, but Crowley, I have to say it, you're amazing, you know? This is a very beautiful dream, and I hope with all my heart that you can make it come true."

Then he squeezed Crowley's hand before pulling it away, adding in a lighter tone, "And don't ever say it's ridiculous again."

Crowley let out a shaky breath, suddenly feeling as if he had been lifted from a weight he hadn't realized he was carrying, just by sharing his greatest secret with the man in front of him.

Then his eyes slipped to the wall clock and he exclaimed, "Oh, it's been half an hour!" He finished his coffee before standing up and saying, "My break is over. I'm sorry, I have to...

"Would you like to have dinner with me?"

"What?"

"I know it might be a little soon since we didn't know each other until yesterday, but-"

"Yes."

Aziraphale could only repeat like a parrot, "Yes?"

Crowley laughed softly and replied, "Yes, I would like to have dinner with you. Just tell me when and where."

"Tonight and at my place? I know it's not very proper for a first date, but I think it might be better for, well, you know, with the street gossip and..."

Seeing that the bookseller was starting to ramble again, Crowley stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder and said, "No, that's fine with me."

He was rewarded with a bright smile and added, "I really have to get back to work. See you tonight then!"

He walked away, then returned to ask, "What time?"

Aziraphale, who had risen, replied, "7:00?"

"Perfect!"

Crowley then joined Nina behind the counter to help her serve the arriving customers, while Aziraphale strolled happily back to the bookshop.

He stepped through the door and exclaimed cheerfully, "I'm back!"

Muriel, who had been bending over behind the counter, straightened up and replied, "Welcome back."

"I'll put the last box of books away."

"Okay!"

Aziraphale picked up a box and walked to one of the shelves, whistling a lively tune. After a few seconds, Muriel appeared and asked him suspiciously, "You look very cheerful. Any reason?"

Knowing that his colleague and friend wouldn't let go until he said something, he replied neutrally, "I have a date."

"A date? A date? Mr. 'I'm going to end my life a bachelor because no one can stand someone like me' has a date?"

"Yes, Muriel..."

"Who, where, how?"

Aziraphale chuckled and replied, "Crowley, the new barista, here, I invited him to dinner."

"Him? Whereas you didn't know him yesterday?"

Muriel reached over and touched his forehead.

Confused, Aziraphale asked, "What's the matter with you?"

"I'm checking to see if you have a fever."

Aziraphale laughed again and replied, "Idiot."

Muriel became serious again and asked quietly, "Are you sure?"

Aziraphale replied with the same seriousness, "Absolutely sure."

"What has changed since yesterday?"

The bookseller replied quietly, "Something about him makes me want to take the risk."

Muriel looked at him thoughtfully before turning and walking away, "I'm in the mood for a hot chocolate, I'll be back soon!"

"Ok- What?! Muriel, no, don't-"

But only the sound of the shop door closing answered him as he saw his friend cross the street and enter the coffee shop.

Crowley was just putting the clean dishes away when he heard the coffee shop door open. Nina was checking the inventory in the back room, so he turned to the counter and saw a new customer arrive, looking determined as they walked up to the counter.

"Hello, I'd like an extra large hot chocolate, please."

Crowley replied politely, "Very well, I'll bring it right over."

He went to prepare the chocolate and returned a few moments later to the customer who had taken out their purse.

He handed them the hot chocolate and said, "3.25 pounds, please."

The customer grabbed the cup before handing them the money. Just as Crowley took it, they grabbed his wrist and looked him in the eye, saying firmly, "If you hurt him, you'll have me to deal with."

Crowley almost laughed because he was twice their size, but something in the customer's eyes told him they were serious, even if he wasn't sure what they were talking about.

He just nodded and watched in amazement as they left the coffee shop and crossed the street before entering the bookshop.

"Well, you just met Muriel."

"Muriel? Aziraphale's co-worker?" Crowley looked back at Nina, who nodded and then laughed at his bewildered expression.

Crowley thought the people on this street were completely mad, but somehow he was really beginning to appreciate their sweet madness.

*********

Much later in the day, about two hours before Crowley was due to arrive, Aziraphale began to wonder what had possessed him to invite the barista like that. What would they talk about? It had been so long since he'd done that. What if the other man found him boring? What if he had misread the signs?

"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves."

The words his grandfather used to repeat to him whenever he doubted came back to Aziraphale's mind, and as he looked at his portrait on the desk, he felt calm return to him and murmured, "Thank you, Grandpa."

Aziraphale took a deep breath and continued his preparations, heading to the kitchen to cook dinner.  He was quite confident in his culinary skills after receiving compliments from members of the small community on Whickber Street who had tasted his cooking more than once.

An hour later, the meal was ready and he looked at the kitchen clock with satisfaction. He had just enough time to shower and make himself reasonably presentable for the evening ahead.

He didn't dwell on the fact that it took him a little longer than usual to choose his outfit, that he combed his hair three times before finally tousling it with his hand, that he put on his best cologne. 

The most important thing was that half an hour later he was ready.

All the preparations didn't stop his heart from skipping a beat when he heard a light knock at the door. It also didn't stop his heartbeat from quickening as he approached the door to open it.

With his hand on the latch, Aziraphale took a deep breath before opening it and saying, in what he hoped was a natural way, "Good evening, Crowley."

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here

[koecode]

Preparation for the study

Hello guys!

Well, I've been doing a course of java in the past week or so, but I haven't been tracking and I want to keep a progress to be more sure I am in a good pace and will end it (kinda) faster.

So today I am going to pick a schedule and turn it into a habit, also I am going to organize how I will spend my time studying. I am learning Java (still on the very beginning heelp). So far, have made into 55 of 541 videos in the Java course, 77 hours of lessons and there's also practice and some challenges to do. I don't think I am able to get it done if I don't put my effort into being aware of my time, so my biggest flaw here is to keep focus and avoid procrastination at all my costs.

The course abt java has:

-Fundamentals of Java

-Programming oriented object

-Functional programming

-Mysql

-Mongodb

-Spring boot

-Javafx

-JPA

-Hibernate

And when I end this course I will continue with the ""sequel"", my point is to keep learning so I can get a job at the field and move on into being able to buy more books and keep this looping going. As the obsessive I am, I'm fully engaged in tech obviously, so my plans much depends on learning about it, and then how to make everything in my life about it too so... Yeah it will be fun, and a big stress probably. Hope I don't burn my head doing that.

Also, I bought last week a few other courses, cuz they were for such a good price I couldn't say no. Still haven't picked any of them to study, but, respectively they are:

-HTML and Css basics

-Terminal for beginners

-Gnu nano

-Shell script advanced

-Learn to compile

-VPS Server

-Create your own package manager

-Vagrant

-Slackware essentials

-Darkweb

Those are some topics I am interested in, even knowing a little about one here and there, will be a great challenge to advance my comprehension. I need to find time to put them into schedule. Wish me luck everybody. Maybe I am getting too overwhelmed to do everything I picked? Of course, but fuck it I can handle - just not at the same time obviously, sometime I will get there I just need to be patient with myself and keep consistency at check.

Gosh, was a long post huh? I will say later on my plan to get it all done! Until them, thank you for staying with me.

[toyybox]

Spiderwebs #14: Tape VII (Perception)

Masterlist

content: lab whump, captivity, immortal whumpee, starvation

By now, Heather had a fairly good idea of Jackie’s limits. That was to say, there were none. Unless she found something specific, a kind of kryptonite to crack him. Until then? Fire, extreme temperatures, physical injury, and all manner of poison—all of that was on the table. 

She was not interested in pointlessly wounding him, however. Heather had many pet projects, synthetic drugs she'd been developing here and there alongside the cancer treatment. The problem with testing them was that she never knew how much damage they'd do. What seemed like an innocuous compound would rupture the subject's liver or clot all their blood, and it was a hassle to replace them afterwards. One could only buy so many dogs, after all. 

But things were different now. The only damage she could do to Jackie was emotional. And what was there to be upset about? It was only a few pills. The effects were temporary, anyway. 

Her subject was awake that fine Tuesday morning. Her last experiment took place on Friday, so it had been four days. He stood at the bottom of the stairs, bright-eyed and ready, holding something in his hands. Before she could say anything, he spoke.

"Hi. I have a list of demands." He handed her a sheet of paper torn from the notebook. "Take your time, there's a lot to read."

She didn't accept the paper. "Demands? Excuse me?"

"Requests, if you want. Just read it." He nudged the paper forward. "Please?"  

"Fine." She straightened the sheet. On it, there was a list written in a neat and slanted script. It read as follows:

Lamp Mouchette — Georges Bernanos Calendar  Tea Fridge Telephone Blender Cake (chocolate preferred) Going outside?

"I can't tell if you're joking." Heather crumpled the paper into a ball. "Are you ready for the experiment, then?"

"Lady. Listen. Was there nothing on that list you could get?"

"No."

"Not a single thing? Come on, please? I'm so bored all the time. You can't imagine."

"Bored?" she repeated, incredulous. "What about the book and the—what was it, the notepad?"

"Do you expect me to entertain myself with a single book and a few pieces of paper?" He began to lightly pace the room, gesturing while he spoke, like a stand-up comic retelling a story. "That’s nothing. I can't even talk to anybody. You’re the most interesting part of my day."

"Why would you need a telephone to entertain yourself?"  

"I—well, I need to call my coworkers, don't I?"

"No? Do you think I’m an idiot?"

He stopped walking—then began walking again in the other direction. "Okay, fine. I'll be honest, I just wanted to know if you'd do it. An experiment, I guess. It doesn't matter. What about the fridge and the blender? And the cake?"

"You don’t need those. I'm the one who gives you food."

"Yeah, unless you forget, and you forget all the time. You didn't give me anything yesterday."

"I didn't forget," she hissed. "This experiment requires an empty stomach. I'm not giving you a blender, or tea, or any of these other ridiculous things."

"Not even the book?"

"The book? Mouchette?" She unfolded the crumpled ball of paper. "No."

"Why?"

"You spoiled brat." She let the paper fall to the floor. "Ask me for one more thing. I dare you."

In his eyes passed a conflicted flicker, as he searched her expression. "But—"

"You're talking back." She stepped forward. To her delight, Jackie stepped backwards as well, as if her presence had its own kind of gravity.

"I'm not. I won’t ask for anything else, but—"

"I don't care. I don’t want to hear it."

"Wait. Please. Pretty please with a cherry on top and whatever. This last thing is really important." He paused, then swallowed, continuing when she didn’t make a move to interrupt him. "I want to go outside."

"I don't see how that's my problem."

"I’m being serious. I’m sick of staying in this room. It’s making me go crazy."

"You'll be fine." 

"I won't be fine. You don’t get it, I’m—I don’t—" He began to falter under the weight of her stare. "It's—I'm not—come on, lady. Just for a few minutes. One minute. Thirty seconds, even. I can’t—“

"You can. You'll survive. Stop bitching for a moment, okay?" She stepped forward until his back was to the wall. "Why am I keeping you here? Remind me."

"For experiments?" 

"Exactly. You're my test subject. Test subjects aren't supposed to complain. Test subjects are supposed to sit there and shut up and do the fucking test."

"And that’s what I have to do for the rest of my life?" His voice trembled with what could be anger or fear, or a nauseating mixture of the two. “Stay here and shut up? I‘m not even allowed to talk now?”

She had never met someone so theatrical. "Oh, calm down. I didn't tell you to go mute. You can talk. Just stop complaining. It won't kill you to be quiet for a second." She paused. "Well, I guess that's a given. My point is, you'll be fine."

"Really." 

"Yes. Really." 

Something sour but colder fell over him, as his shoulders slumped a little. That was all the fight he had, or he'd seen that this wasn't going anywhere. Or he was afraid of being vivisected again. 

"I guess you're right," he said. "I wasn’t being serious, anyway."

"In that case, why did you ask?"

"Bored." His previously troubled expression cracked into a grin. "You're just so interesting to talk to."

"I'm sure. Let's continue, then? I’ll need you to take these."

She brought a bottle of pills from her book bag. He studied the white plastic container, barely an inch tall, completely opaque. Unlike regular pharmaceutical bottles, it was devoid of any labels. 

"Another sedative?" he asked.

She unscrewed the safety cap, pressing down then twisting up. "No. Maybe. My results so far have been… inconclusive."

"What’s it supposed to do?"

"I'll tell you once the experiment's done. Hold out your hand."

In his open palm, she dispensed two tablets. They were as white as the container, circular, small as buttons. They were solid but surfaced with a powdery texture. He took them and, though he didn’t look thrilled about it, swallowed them with a gulp of water from his bottle. He stood still and waited.

“The effect won’t be immediate, you know.” 

“I’m not stupid,” he said, although there was no heat simmering the words. “How long ‘til they work?”

“It depends. I’ll give it an hour.”

He nodded. “And you’ll bring food soon?”

“No.” She placed the bottle back into the bag. “Maybe tomorrow. I don’t want any interference with the experiment.”

“Amazing. Thanks so much.” He pushed past her, away from the wall, and sat in the chair. He crossed his arms on the table and buried his head in them. 

He was quiet, at least. He stopped complaining. Yet, Heather felt no less irritated. Jackie was doing this on purpose. Sulking like a sullen child. It was all a ploy to get back at her. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of reacting, then. She’d come back in an hour, she’d finish the experiment, and she’d get on with the rest of her day. 

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

The minutes passed by. From the basement, she heard occasional, faint thumping sounds. She wrote it off as another of Jackie’s attempts at being as annoying as possible. There was too much work to be done to pay it any mind. The end of the hour arrived soon enough. 

When she returned, Jackie was huddled on his bed. 

“Tape number seven. Five-fifty milligrams of thermoregulation stimulant administered an hour earlier. Subject appears lethargic. Jackie?”

He didn’t reply. She discovered the source of the sound—he was hitting his head against the wall, repetitively, like he was trying to drown something out.

Heather cleared her throat as she stood over him. 

He looked over his shoulder at her. “Hi. Is this supposed to hurt?”

“Hurt?” This wasn’t going as planned. “On a scale of—“

“At least an eight.” He collapsed back into bed with a small groan. “Is this ‘cause I was talking back?” 

“No, not at all.” Heather pulled the journal out from the bookbag and uncapped her pen. “What’s the pain like?”

“Bad.”

She frowned. If he was trying to be funny, this was not the time. Or maybe he really was in too much agony to think straight. “Is it a stabbing pain? Burning? Aching?”

“Burning, yeah.”

“How odd.” She wrote her findings down. “The drug was supposed to replicate the sensation of warmth. I don’t think it’s ever hurt before. It’s made a few guinea pigs die of hypothermia, but…” She pressed a hand to his skin. It was cold, even colder than before, nearly the temperature it was in the freezer. He was sweating a little, on his palms and the back of his neck. “I suppose that if the nervous system is targeted, the drug may activate pain receptors rather than thermoregulation. Jackie, you said it felt like burning?"

He nodded weakly.

"Oh, interesting. That points towards the stimulant being too powerful. The desired result is a mild heat, not enough to cause pain. It must have gone wrong somewhere.” She played with the pen between her fingers as she mused on this. “It’s also possible the dosage was too high. A few more trials may be needed.”

“Can you make it stop?” he asked, muffled through the fabric of the bed. 

The answer was a resounding maybe, but Heather didn’t let the unknown get her down. This was nothing but another opportunity. For science! The nervous system was especially fascinating to Heather. The sparks and electric impulses that defined life. The body's only window to the world outside. And yet, nerves were so malleable. Delicate, for something so important. All perceptions and sensations could be altered, enhanced, or dulled, puppeted along by only a string of chemicals. Nothing more thrilling than that. 

She had developed an opioid recently, one that could be strong enough to drown out the pain of an exposed bone. This was a perfect time to test it out. 

“I can try,” Heather replied, giving him a pat on the shoulder. “Hang in there. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Taglist:

@theelvishcowgirl

@lthrboy

[jacquelinesbookclub]

Monks - Des Dillon

I’ve been in a Funk. A Funk with a big fat capital F. Let me explain.

I had a whole thing lined up to talk about this book, about how sometimes a story is written in such a way that it begs to be read out loud. The difficulty in teaching Shakespeare to kids in English class is that it’s not meant to be read, but heard. It’s written with performance in mind, and trying to untangle it wholly within your own head won’t give it the space it needs to express itself. Monks has an element of this as well, and I can see why Dillon took it and turned it into a play after its initial publication, it’s expressive in a way that needs to be performed. I read the first third or so of this book out loud to myself, pacing my living room gesturing wildly like I was on stage again for the first time in twenty years, and it was fun! It felt like that was exactly how it was meant to be experienced, out loud, in person, in real physical space where it can breath and shout and play, where it can exist. But then disaster, I broke my glasses.

I broke my glasses while cleaning them on my shirt, snapped them clean in two, right down the middle. Less than a week later I broke my backup pair in the exact same place in the exact same way. Broken glasses means I can’t see which means I don’t see and by don’t see I mean I’ve stopped looking. I can’t read, I can’t write, I can’t diddle away on my phone for hours on end. Driving hurts my poor soggy little brain, as does literally anything that requires focus, no riding my bike, no video games, no model kits, no painting, drawing, sketching. I can’t see properly so I’ve not even bothered trying, I’ve let the Funk in and its made itself at home.

...

And stayed there. I wrote these first two paragraphs a month and a half ago, which was two weeks after finishing the book, I’ve barely left the couch in eight weeks. I’ve had new glasses for a while now and I’m still not out of the Funk, so it isn’t that. I tried to blame the weather, it’s been below freezing in the mornings and constantly wet and dreary, but no-one believed me. “I’ve been busy”, I say from my comfy chair, they’re not buying it. I’ve gotta come clean, I’ve been depressed. Not just sad and mopey, but real, teeth in the flesh depressed. Like a bulldog’s lockjaw around my ankle, the ol’ ball and chain dragging me down. But it’s me, I’ve created this, the Funk is coming from inside the brain, and I’ve sealed all the doors and closed myself in with it.

Dillon’s unnamed protagonist continuously refers back to time spent in “the Ward” with Jimmy Brogan, and those of us who know, know that there is often very little healing to be done in places like that; locked up with your own thoughts, ruminating between bouts of sedatives, only people to talk to are like minded or trying to fix your mind like. It’s suffocating, there’s no fresh air to be had, no way to stick your head above the clouds and feel the sun on your face even for a second. You’re in with the Funk, and you’re not goin’ till the Funk is gone. But where is it supposed to go? You’re trapped in there playing hot potato with the Funk, back and forth, bouncing from hand to hand, feeding it with every touch, with every contact. The Funk has seeped into the walls, it’s a sticky film over all the furniture, the entire place reeks of it behind the bleach, you can’t get clean of it because it’s everywhere, you can’t get clean of it in there.

Breaking my glasses might have been the catalyst, but what I’ve actually done is built myself my own personal Ward, not of wood and bricks but of Funk. Dillon says “at some stage we level our eyes to the earth and don’t look up the rest of our lifes”, that’s what I’ve done, I’ve stopped looking out at the stars and turned in on myself. We’re all guilty of this, in our own way, building up walls and keeping our whole world inside. It’s scary out there, and comfortable here in here, I tell myself, but in here there’s nothing but Funk, a circuitous bubble of the same thoughts ricocheting off each other. I need to get OUT.

This is what Monks is telling us, to get out. “We’re over here to stretch our lifes. Make them bigger. Experience things”. Healing happens not in my Funk in front of the TV, but out there, in the world. It happens when I meet a neighbourhood cat, or feed some ducks. It happens when I improvise a silly song with a friend in the moment, when I say something embarrassingly wrong on the phone and the world doesn’t end. It happens when I laugh about missing a shot in a game of billiards, and when the room cheers once I get it right. It happens when I breach above the Funk for a moment and take some space for myself. Every time I get out of my comfort zone and come back safely, my zone expands. Yeah, it’s hard, fuckin’ oath it’s hard. “But strugglin’s good. Strugglin’s perseverance an indomitable spirit. Strugglin’s searching for something stronger inside. Strugglin’s what it is to be alive”. The struggle is what helps the healing, It’s like training my muscles, I push them so they can grow bigger, without resistance I’ll never grow.

So that’s what I’ll to do then, push through the struggle to get out. Get out into the world, Run up a mountain, kiss a beautiful woman, laugh with friends, have a wierd conversation with a wierd guy, share a knowing glance with a cashier at the shops, feel the cold on my face, and see that it’s real. It’s really really really real.

[ilikereadingactually]

Archangels of Funk

Archangels of Funk by Andrea Hairston

this is a tricky book to review! i liked it, let's start there. it took me a while to get into a groove with it, but we got there together, this book and i, and then at the end i got weepy which is always a plus. but i somehow read the entire thing not knowing that it's a sequel, or at the very least a followup, to two of Hairston's other books—which did clear up for me why i felt a bit lost most of the time while reading it, but which i'm actually glad i didn't know, because i probably wouldn't have requested the galley otherwise.

happily, i did request the galley, and read it in a few big chunks separated by several weeks, because other tasks got in the way of my fun reading time for a while; the second half of the book really went better for me than the first. i came into it feeling like i was rushed and running behind on deadlines both self-imposed and imposed by the publication date (spoiler: this book has been out for a few weeks already, whoops). that's not my favorite way to jump into any book, but really was hindering me reading this one, which has such a strong rhythm and music that it was like walking out of sync with the beat. i'm a person who walks in rhythm when there's a rhythm, bops when there's music (and often when the music is just in my head), and who reads best and most immersively when i can just let the prose carry me along. after totally blowing past the pub date and being busy-then-sick, i came back to it with a much more relaxed and open mind, and i had a great time. tl;dr, this is very much a book to read when nothing's pressing on you and you just want to float on feeling.

Hairston presents an imaginable future not too far from our present, after Water Wars have widened class (and, because they are inevitably linked, racial) divides into high tech walled communities and the folks who build their communities outside the reach of marketing and surveillance. we experience this world through shifting povs, including Cinnamon Jones, a pushing-sixty coder, farmer, performer, hoodoo practitioner, and community leader; her two dogs, each of whom is a bit more than a regular dog in their own unique ways; Indigo, a young goth who gives us a sense of this world outside of Cinnamon's farm and her immediate circle; and the Circus Bots, three performing robots possessed of powerful AI and modeled after Cinnamon's grandparents and great aunt, elders who continue to pleasantly haunt the narrative. and tying all this together is the mysterious Taiwo, who is perhaps a human war vet or a magician or a loa spirit or an alien, a top-hatted presence bringing unreality and real safety to the ensemble cast simultaneously.

it feels rare to me to read a story where AIs are pushing love and learning and creating community; where ghosts (in this case, haints) are a reassuring and life-affirming presence. those elements together, and mixed with straight up magic, feel very right and even more rare to me, and really encapsulate the ways in which this story is about both past and future, about celebration and revelation, about stage magic and real magic and technology and love, and what those things create together.

the deets

how i read it: as i mentioned, this was an e-galley from NetGalley that i'm very grateful to have had access to, even though i did not actually manage to read it before it was published. but i liked it enough that this is one i will probably buy for myself and definitely give as a gift to a friend also!

try this if you: dig really musical prose, enjoy a book where you have to just go with the flow, love a sweet slow pace, or were ever or still are a weird performing arts person. also i bet the audiobook of this is a banger.

some bits i really liked: relatable Cinnamon moments

The straw bale sugar shack made Cinnamon want a stack of blueberry pancakes with lots of syrup and butter. Jugs of maple lined the walls. Her mouth watered at maple candy, cookies, biscuits and cream pies. There was also maple relish, and maple suckers formed into weasel sculptures with mint-green eyes. Goodies for Festival.

___

"Reverse the curse, ImagiNation! Who cares? Why do I put myself through theatre misery?"

___

Cinnamon was a righteous rebel, a champion of the people. Secretly, she also felt superior to comfy, gullible users who'd been hacked and deep faked from day one, who thought they controlled their feeds, their fates, who believed they made up their own minds. Nobody made up their own mind. Mind was always a community affair.

___

"Getting old, you haunt your own self," she explained.

___

Dark days We know that Truth under the gun I ain't waiting For justice to be done I'ma be my own light And shine I'ma win my own fight Surprise I'ma be my own sun And rise I say Dark days We got that I'ma be my own sun And rise

pub date: May 7, 2024, it's out, go get it!!

[winterkittenreads]

Review: Daughter of No Worlds by Carissa Broadbent

Audience: Older teens and up

Stars: 4/5

Fav quote: “The way I look at it,” he said, very solemnly, so quietly that his words slipped into the air like steam, “you didn’t forget what you were. I think you remembered. And I hope no one ever again has the fucking audacity to tell you otherwise.”

dear radish,

This was a solid read! I think the easiest way to go about this review may be to address a few of the “drawbacks” I noticed pointed out in other reviews I’d read before picking up this book.

1. "I wish there was more of an info-dump toward the start of the book to flesh the world out more.”

Valid comment! However, over the years, my attention span has shortened, and I’ve found myself often lacking the patience to get through the more dense world-building description that many fantasy novels offer. DoNW gave me enough information to understand what was happening, while keeping me hooked with the exploits and inner world of our female lead Tisaanah. Does the magic system come anywhere near being as intricately fleshed out and presented as that of Avatar: The Last Airbender? Naur. But I am satisfied for what it is. And I felt like the descriptions that we did get were creative and cool.

2. “The pacing is strange. There are places that lag which makes it feel like the overall stakes are reduced.”

Pacing felt fine to me! It felt like the first season of a shonen anime, where the main protagonist needs to take time to build up her skills and strength first, before facing off various big-bads. And the former is exactly what Tisaanah did, with single-minded, unstoppable determination. I was impressed! I want 1/10 of that drive for myself. 

3. “Once the character Rashaye is introduced, it becomes difficult to distinguish if it’s Tisaanah, Rashaye, or Max (male lead) speaking.”

I also didn’t find this to be an issue. Rashaye, by the way, is a character introduced later in the book who speaks directly in Tisaanah's mind. Here’s my quick guide to distinguishing who’s speaking. 

{Everything in italicized brackets is Rashaye.}  Italics usually means Tisaanah is reliving one of Rashaye’s/Max’s memories as if she were them. Regular, unitalicized font is Tisaanah mind-speaking, except for the times when it’s partially Tisaanah, partially Rashaye starting to take control. 

It became intuitive to distinguish early on. I actually liked that there was both separation and a blending in these sections. The mind + identity is a tricky thing to define and as Guru Pathik said: “The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same.” I didn’t mind seeing these ideas represented physically on the page. 

Other thoughts:

For fans of political intrigue, there’s a little bit in DoNW. The epilogue seems to promise more of that in the upcoming installments.

This book had some of the most genuinely sweet yet powerful lines I’ve read in awhile! See fav quote for reference. 

Felt to me that trauma was addressed well in this book. Good that it was depicted as an ongoing battle. 

Take a closer look at the book’s cover art after you finish reading the book! I did, and it’s so rewarding! And tragic. And rewarding! 

I will continue reading this series 🎉 

Book blurb: 

A former slave fighting for justice. A reclusive warrior who no longer believes it exists. And a dark magic that will entangle their fates.

Ripped from a forgotten homeland as a child, Tisaanah learned how to survive with nothing but a sharp wit and a touch of magic. But the night she tries to buy her freedom, she barely escapes with her life.

Desperate to save the best friend she left behind, Tisaanah journeys to the Orders, the most powerful organizations of magic Wielders in the world. But to join their ranks, she must complete an apprenticeship with Maxantarius Farlione, a handsome and reclusive fire wielder who despises the Orders.

The Orders’ intentions are cryptic, and Tisaanah must prove herself under the threat of looming war. But even more dangerous are her growing feelings for Maxantarius. The bloody past he wants to forget may be the key to her future… or the downfall of them both.

But Tisaanah will stop at nothing to save those she abandoned. Even if it means gambling in the Orders’ deadly games. Even if it means sacrificing her heart.

Even if it means wielding death itself.

Fans of epic romantic fantasy like Sarah J. Maas and Raven Kennedy will devour this tale of dark magic, passionate romance, vengeance, and redemption.

[kamreadsandrecs]

Title: A Broken Darkness (The Void #2)

Author: Premee Mohamed

Genre/s: horror, adventure, thriller, cosmic horror, science fiction

Content/Trigger Warning/s: death, violence, body horror, natural disasters

Summary (from author's website): It’s been a year and a half since the Anomaly, when They tried to force Their way into the world from the shapeless void.

Nick Prasad is piecing his life together, and has joined the secretive Ssarati Society to help monitor threats to humanity—including his former friend Johnny.

Right on cue, the unveiling of Johnny’s latest experiment sees more portals opened to Them, leaving her protesting her innocence even as the two of them are thrown together to fight the darkness once more…

Buy Here: https://bookshop.org/p/books/a-broken-darkness-premee-mohamed/14895074

Spoiler-Free Review: What a ride! It moves very fast and does NOT stop, with events coming one after the other, so fast that it feels like you’re hanging onto the interior of a speeding car that you absolutely cannot stop. In fact, it’s easy to speed through all the things that are going on, try to match the breakneck pace of the storytelling by speeding up one’s reading pace, but that makes it easy to miss little nuances that add context and dimension to the bigger scenes. I had to remind myself to slow down every so often because of that.

That being said, another thing that’s relentless about this is the heartbreak, especially given the climax of the last book. Nick’s emotions are pulled three ways: his righteous anger at Johnny, his loyalty to Johnny, and his desire to do the right thing, to take the path that will save the most lives, that will do the most good. Inevitably, in wanting to choose to do the right thing, Nick finds himself compromising on his anger: asking himself if he’s understanding things wrong when it comes to Johnny, trusting her despite her actions in the previous book, despite knowing the truth of their friendship. He wants so much to believe that she could be better, that she could save the world without hurting more people, but at the same time he is so very, futilely, ANGRY.

Actually this anger is something that keeps coming up throughout the book in relation to Nick and the world around him. He’s just…he’s so ANGRY. It’s not something that colors absolutely EVERYTHING that goes on in the book, but it’s in the background: this low simmer that colors certain specific thoughts and actions. I also find it interesting that Nick’s ambivalent about his anger - mostly because he realizes he hasn’t been allowed to be angry at all, but also partly because he thinks that his anger has to be for a good reason.

Speaking of, I just have to say that I love how hard Nick tries to be a good person. Sure, he does and says hurtful things, selfish things, but when it comes down to it he also desperately strives to be a good person, or at least to make good choices. Of course, doing so is difficult, given Johnny and what happens in this novel, but there’s something lovely about someone who tries to do good, even with the world imploding around them.

I also have to say that the creepiness got upped a little bit in this novel. It still reads more like a thriller than a horror novel overall, but there were moments where I had to pause a little and stare at something NOT the page because I was getting spooked.

Overall, this was a great continuation of the first book: a little creepier, with higher stakes, but rooted in the same emotional conflict of the first book: Nick and Johnny, and how their relationship has changed, but also stayed the same. Definitely looking forward to getting a copy of that last book, because I need to see how this whole series ends, especially given how this novel ended.

Rating: four eldritch cubes

[kelmcdonald]

See You at VanCAF

This is copy pasted from my newletter. 

Hey all! My main thing is I'll be at VanCAF which is in Vancouver, British Columbia on May 20&21. They haven't posted con maps yet, so I don't know what my table number is. But I'll be there and it's free to get into. So stop by!

Like I said the big thing this month is going to VanCAF. The rest of the month is mostly keeping my nose to the grindstone. 

This month's full moon movie is The Wolfman again. This time the remake. While watching the original Wolf Man, myself and other folks in the discord talked about some of the stuff that was changed in the remake (stuff like the remake is twice as long.) So I figured doing a back to back would be kinda fun. So if you wanna join, we'll be watching it May 5th at 6pm PST. Join the discord if you want.

As always I'll be streaming art on Twitch. My schedule is currently the following:

Tuesday 8pm-10pm PST

Wednesday 8pm-10pm PST

Thursday 6pm-9pm PST (during the Iron Circus Geekshow)

I mentioned last month that I was redoing the live reading of Fame and Misfortune. My mic worked this time so I've saved it and posted it on my youtube. We go over through the whole story in about 30 mins. Then I answer some questions from fans.

I'll definitely doing something like this for The Better to Find You With. As I'll get to in the next section, I got a lot of stuff on my plate. It will probably be some time in the fall.

I spent a lot of April still playing catching up on things. I was really backed up on my work for Seven Seas. I think I got it handled now, but Blue Moon is still not done. I think that has to be my primary focus this month. I was hoping to get the current chapter of You are the Chosen One last month, but that didn't happen. It's penciled so for the next few Fridays I'll post the pencils of the rest of chapter.

By the time those go up, I'll hopefully be done with Blue Moon and can give You are the Chosen One more attention. I hate to do it, but I have to put something on hold. The City Between being free means it gets me more new readers/attention and You are the Chosen One takes longer. And after I write Blue Moon, I should probably make sure the next batch of You are the Chosen One script are ready for drawing. So here's my to do list/priority:

Write Blue Moon

Keep up with The City Between

Freelance thing that is NDA

Clean up Murky Water to make a book

Finish Chapter 3 of You are the Chosen One

Review next few chapters of You are the Chosen One

Anyway, that's quite a lot.  I barely had time to read or watch new stuff this month. So kinda a short list this month.

Darling by Olivia Stephens - Darling is a Western Horror about a black woman who's living as a werewolf to escape the racism of 1800s America. She meets a black man on the run and the two have an instant connection Olivia art is excellent and rendering makes every page look both beautiful and haunting. It's one of the best werewolf comics I've read. You should all go back it here.

Love is Hard for Otaku - This is one checked out because Mangasplaining did an episode on it. They had a kinda mixed opinion of it, but I was curious to look into it myself. It's about a gal who's a big nerd but is hiding it from her day job because her last boyfriend dumped her for being too nerdy. A nerdy guy friend proposes they date each other because since they are both nerds she won't have to worry about him dumping her for it. There is a manga and an anime. The manga is a little rough. The pacing seems to be kinda wonky. The anime does a better job landing the jokes, mostly because a lot of the jokes involved references to anime. So the joke works better when they can copy the scene from Evangelion shot for shot, rather than translation the animation into a comic. I don't 100% buy the characters as a couple so I'm on the fence about continuing to watch it. 

Nope - This was something that was on my I should get around to seeing this movie since it came out. It was streaming so I made a point to watch it. It's less than a year old so I won't go into details about the plot. But I really liked the point it makes about random chance and nature. I also really liked the relationship between the two main siblings. It was a good mix for conflict, frustration, and affection.

Anyway, thanks for sticking with me through the big workload that's going on. Please back my Patreon if you can. Every little bit helps!

[kliunkii]

specific memories

part 2 - goanimate

prepare your assets cuz im about to write a whole ass book about this subject.

i could not tell you the exact date when i started using goanimate, but it's in the 2013-2014 bracket. my first videos were kinda shit and not very interesting and they dont even exist in my mind anymore. ( i was like 10 years old at the time ). but i made so so so so soooooooooo many videos... it was a weird form of self-expression for myself, i could make jokes and characters that only i would find funny. i was very much autistic and i saw what sort of content other goanimators made at the time and i was impacted by that type of humour + youtube poop's were also still popular + mlg videos were at it's prime + loud=funny type of comedy was funny. so plenty of my videos were just incoherent randomxd humour with very loud noises and visuals.

buy at some point between 2014-2016(?) i started showing the videos i made to my cousin and he found them funny. i was so motivated to create more funny videos just to impress him and make him/us laugh. i mainly used the "chibi" and "stickman" animation style to make episodes about me and him partaking in slice-of-life/sitcom scenarios or even adventures. i used the polish text-to-speech function and had to write down subtitles for each line because the tts was so hard to understand xddd the characters spoke in lithuanian and it resulted in a very funny "accent".

i swear to god i made so many episodes with so many different inside jokes and plots that i can barely remember anything. at some point, later on in 2015/2016 ( istg i cant even remember anymore ) i found out that goanimate had the option to upload your own images to the video editor and that made me go crazyyyyyyy. i started making PNG's of real life pictures of me and my cousin + other people i knew irl. i also started recording actual voice lines with my shitty speaker/microphone aparatus and it made everything so much more authentic. i remember not knowing how to download and upload mp4's at the time, so i would turn on the recorder and put my microphone up to the speaker and play music/meme soundclips on youtube xddddd

not gonna lie i got so good at editing on that site... i knew so many different animation techniques and did so many layers of stuff xD it was honestly such a joy, everyday i would make an episode or two and would write my cousin ( who lived in the same apartment as me, but on the first floor ) to come over to my house and we would watch the video i just made scooched together by the desktop. its such a sweet memory for me because this is something that i experienced exclusively with my cousin and noone else ( and i was kind of terrified of anyone finding out about these videos because i was lowkey making fun of REAL LIFE PEOPLE i knew in REAL LIFE and used REAL LIFE PNG IMAGES OF THEM in the videos which is very stupid but i was a literal stupid child so i didn't know any better xddddd ). this is a very nostalgic topic for me because i've kind of lost contact with my cousin since 2018 and we basically dont even talk anymore, but im not sad or bitter about it, because we have grown up into adults and have moved on, but he was my very best friend and i'll always love him for that /p

the thing that i AM bitter about is the fact that every single one of those videos that i made are now lost media. gone forever. untracable. because at some point in 2017/2018 my account just fucking died.

you see, i kinda somehow broke the subscribtion system? as far as i know, goanimate had a "free trial" whenever you made a new account, for 14 days i think. and i don't know how i managed this, but i made an account in 2013(?) and my account just bugged and let me make videos forever xDDDDD just one big problem... due to the bug i was allowed to only make 2 minute videos, if it went over 2 minutes, then the videos wouldn't save. so i had so make very fast-paced episodes with continuations :ddddd

there was always a big red wall of text above my videos saying something along the lines of "this account will be shut down in __ days, so buy a membership", but it never happened so i just thought that i got lucky and my account got bugged xd

but TOO BAD, at some point in 2017? my account just got shut down. the whole thing. gone. forever. no way to retrieve it. along with every single one of my videos. i remember having like 20 pages of videos :)))))

and then, as we all know, goanimate as a whole shut down in 2019. but even if the website is archived on the wayback machine or whatever, there is no chance to ever see my videos again, because i remember privating account near the end of my account's deletion.

there are no reuploads anywhere, but i do remember recording 1 episode with my phone and sending it to a friend on messenger in 2017/2018? but yeah good luck finding that, especially since THAT messenger account has been deleted as well xD

i remember the moment i realised that everything was gone and i was so sad. i made new accounts to use the free trials for, but it just wasn't the same, i was starting to become a teenager and it felt embarrassing to do any of that silly shit anymore. and the videos would just disappear later on anyways.

bro the things i would do to watch my entire collection of videos for one last time..... i would pay big money.... ( no i wouldnt but i would... maybe i would maybe........ )

it's such a staple of how my humor evolved with time and just such a big part of my childhood.

now the next thing i want to talk about is the current/modern goanimate community, which, FIRST OF ALL, confuses me very much - how the fuck are yall using goanimate??? isnt the site?? fuckin dead??? how are yall making videos on it??? is there like a downloadable rewritten version somewhere online???? i doubt ill get an answer so let's just say that im questioning the powers above.

theres a lot of jokes and a whole ass community of people who ironically enjoy watching those "grounded" videos ( me included ). Deadwingdork and his community would refer to this phenomenon as "u s e r s" and im rlly fascinated by it. And theres always the question of "wtf is wrong with these people and why do they keep making the exact same video all the time just with slightly different characters", and the answer to that is kinda boring and expected, but it's just autism xD

i would even say that i was a part of that community back when i started making goanimate videos, i was intrigued by the "repetition" of it all, the comforting way i could foresee what will happen in the videos is a thing that alot of autists can relate to. and now, as a 21 year old, it is so surreal seeing children still making goanimate videos to this day, like i used to, and seeing how much people laugh at them or find them ironically entertaining ( again, i am one of those people ). and it makes me think of how the internet would've reacted to my goanimate videos if they were ever publicized xddd. i genuinely find these videos cute, its just autistic people finding comfort in repetition. ofc its weird when the videos turn into PUNISHMENT COMPILATIONS where Caillou gets his peenur cut off, but thats just part of what makes it so bizzare and hilarious.

i love seeing and only now realising why goanimate/vyond/whatever tf its called now is so popular between neurodivergent people, because i was interested in this media before i ever even considered being one of them.

[paperback-bitch]

Review: Defy the Night

Defy the Night #1 By Brigid Kemmerer Hardback: $17.99 – Paperback: $12.99 – E-book: $7.69 Approx. 480 pages – Audiobook: 13 hours YA Fantasy/Romance

SYNOPSIS

A desperate prince. A daring outlaw. A dangerous flirtation.

In the Wilds of Kandala, apothecary apprentice Tessa Cade has been watching people suffer for too long. A mysterious sickness is ravaging the land and the cure, Moonflower Elixir, is only available for the wealthy. So every night, she defies the royal edicts and sneaks out, stealing Moonflower petals and leaving the elixir for those in need.

In the palace of Kandala, Prince Corrick serves as the King's Justice, meting out vicious punishments and striking fear into the hearts of agitators and outlaws. Corrick knows he must play this role convincingly—with a shortage of elixir and threats of rebellion looming ever closer, the King's grip on power is tenuous at best, and Corrick knows his brother is the kingdom's best hope for survival.

But when an act of unspeakable cruelty brings the royal and the outlaw face to face, the natural enemies are faced with an impossible choice—and a surprising spark. Will they follow their instincts to destroy each other? Or will they save the kingdom together . . . and let that spark ignite?

Themes: Revolution, Illness, Contested Monarchy

Tropes: Rebel Network, Spreading Plague, Political Unrest, Court Politics, Government Coup

Warnings: Depictions of violence, including terror attacks such as bombings. Death from illness.

REVIEW

Brigid Kemmerer does it again – another series to add to my list because she hooked me with the first one. It’s like when I fell fast and hard for A Curse so Dark and Lonely and I ran out to buy books 2 & 3 in the trilogy immediately. (They have since languished on my shelf while I distract myself with so much else, but this is the curse of the mood reader, oops.) But this book reminded me how much I love her writing style, so expect to see the Cursebreaker series reviews sometime soon, because they just bumped much higher up my TBR.

This world is vibrant and fresh, and I love the way Kemmerer layers in her worldbuilding so it feels natural with the pace of the plot. I loved the characters, though I will say I had some issues with the audiobook. Nothing major – Lexie McDougall and Christopher Ragland are both incredible performers – but Lexie voices male characters much more smoothly (and believably) than Christopher voices women. It led to me being pulled out of the story at times, but it was definitely bearable and didn’t detract too hard from the overall experience.

As far as the plot and dynamics, the story is compelling if a bit unclear. We’re left at a semi-resolved point in the story, after a confrontation that was so tense I was literally holding my breath for part of it. The book was a whirlwind of emotion for me, honestly, playing the relationship between Tessa and Corrick out alongside the mounting tensions of the people rebelling against the kingdom. We manage to end on a hopeful note, even with the unresolved tensions and loose ends, but part of me does wonder how this plot can carry three books at this point. I’m expecting some twist, of course, but we’ll have to see.

FINAL THOUGHTS

4/5, if only because we have some room to grow, and there were moments where I struggled to see where the book (and series) was going. I’m hopeful that it continues picking up and carrying its plot, but I am nervous about whether the inevitable twist will work.

RECOMMENDATIONS

If you enjoy books like ACOTAR and Throne of Glass, the Grishaverse, or even Kemmerer’s other series, you should try this one. It’s a strong fantasy world and I’m so excited to see where this is going.

[itsyatomydude]

My Anime Life Chapter 1

Hi there, before I share the preview I want to thank you for supporting me while I work on this. It means the world to me that you're interested in my content/the series! Please feel free to give me your thoughts and opinions on what's here so far!

My thoughts when working on MAL:

I wanted to make a story that had every anime trope in the book, with a main character hating anime itself. I felt like having that contrast of a very realistic grounded person in a fantastical world would be funny. I originally wrote this in like 2021 with some old friends but like many other ideas that you might see here, it never left the group chat. I also wanted to get a lot of idioms of anime culture sprinkled throughout, the story. So here's the first two paragraphs for your enjoyment Without further adieu Chapter 1: School time prep Waking up at 6:00 for school at 8:30 is ideal...I wake up at 5:30 to ensure I don't hog the bathroom, but for no one else to stall in the bathroom. Showering should take me about 15 minutes; if I heat the breakfast I made last night, that should save me 30 minutes of making breakfast. Given that my little brother doesn't do anything to take time out of my plan, I should leave the house by 6:24 exactly, meaning I have left almost an hour early with breakfast already eaten. So far- no tropes. Oh, I suppose I should introduce myself. Hello, I'm Charlotte ‘Erza’ Mori, and I aim to live an average life… that sounds boring to you, let me explain.

I live in a world that feels fantastical, superpowers, kaiju, and giant mechs are par for the course here. This is a world that, in itself is a love letter to anime. For example, there’s this popular Magical ‘girl’ duo called ‘Quiet Ki’ and ‘Golden Leader’ who fight villains like almost every day they’re our closest thing to, and people are born with wild ass hair colors, I’m a prime example; my hair color is an obnoxiously bright pink that can be picked out from a mile away. I just dyed it black so I can blend in more. I live in a world full of anime tropes and the love of anime, and I alone… loathe anime and its tropes and cliches. I never, wanted anything to do with anime given my parent's almost cult-like worship of the medium. I walk down the street in my black medium-length skirt, matching the sailor-styled top with blue and white trimming along the edge of the sailor-style uniform dodging any possible bumps at intersections, taking the fastest route, and having backup routes planned in case those get closed off, I reach the school gates right at 7:00. I take the peace and silence to buy myself a drink from the vending machine nearby, just a bottle of water. This plan could have been perfect, however, there is one slight oversight on my part, I now have an hour to spend. I could spend some time in the nearby park as I wait out this hour, or I could pace around the building…like some creep, I guess I’m off to the park for now.

As I make my way to “Comiket Park” I see a group of people, they seem to be about my age given the fact that they’re in, albeit a heavily modified version, my school’s uniform …which is bad on its own, but it’s only worse made by the fact that they’re all practicing their “special moves” their stances give off some energy blast but only enough to put a chunk in a tree, or to take out a small crater in the ground in front of. I try not to give them any attention and find a spot to sit in a gazebo somewhat nearby.

To Be Continued...

If you want to read the story two weeks early along with other series, please check out my Patreon! Otherwise, I'll see you in two weeks, Bye!

[sfwordsmith]

National Novel Writers Month 2023

Hello readers, welcome back. Spencer here with a writing update.

So this year I participated in NaNoWriMo. For those not deep in the writing life, it’s a non-profit-backed call to action to all writers to write 50,000 words of a new novel’s first draft during the month of November. Happy to report, I was a winner! Just barely. I wrote 50,004 words. It was an interesting challenge, fast-paced, and took lots of time and dedication to accomplish. It gave me a better understanding of the type of discipline it takes to match what essentially is the well-known daily word count of Stephen King. (His is a self-reported 2,000 and to beat NaNoWriMo you need to do 1667 a day to reach 50 thousand by the end of the month.) With that said, it’s not undoable, and I managed to accomplish it while working 50+ hours a week at my day job. Oh to imagine what I might accomplish with this being my full-time job. Buy me a coffee here if you’d like to help make that a reality.

With that said, while I appreciated the drive that NaNoWriMo gives you, the pace of writing didn’t quite fit my usual style. I found myself at times wanting to take the time to develop the plot and stories a bit more mentally, but feeling like if I didn’t just get the words down I wouldn’t be able to maintain my pace. Speaking of which, there is a graph below that showcases that I did exactly that, keep pace. I would write to my word count, and on some days just slightly above, in an effort to just finish the challenge.

This sort of pace makes it so that you don’t self-edit much, or really, that you don’t have the time to self-edit much. It’s good for getting words down on a page but definitely isn’t suited to all types of novels. Luckily, the idea I had for my new novel was one that was heavily conversation-based and focused entirely in one setting. This made it easy to just play with the characters and develop their personalities in a variety of scenarios and really delve deep into who they were and how they acted and interacted with each other. Had I been working on my big trilogy of novels in this challenge, I may have felt that the quality of my work had suffered, however, due to the type of novel I chose to write in the challenge – it actually worked well.

Not to say that the novel is done or anywhere near being a final product. I imagine it needs another 25,000 – 50,000 words for me to be able to wrap up the story, and it will need a major dose of editing. Yet I am still very proud of what it was I was able to accomplish during this month, and am happy that I have joined the community that NaNoWriMo has helped flourish over the years. I look forward to continuing this project, which as of now is tentatively titled The Man on the Couch, and is primarily a story about a man who loses his job and is dumped by his girlfriend, winding up on his best friend’s couch after that same friend has just recently moved into a new apartment with his girlfriend… as told by the narrator, the apartment itself. It’s been really fun to write and I can’t wait to be able to share more of it with you all.

Until then, check out my other book! By the way, my Press53 promo code is still running for a 53% discount off that book until January if you buy it directly through me.(It’s also available on Amazon with no promo.) That promo code is special because of my poem getting placed into the Press53 January 2024 edition soon to come. If you didn’t read about me winning Press53’s Prime 53 Poem Summer Challenge, now’s your chance.

I’ll try to check back in here before the end of the year. Feel free to hit me on socials in the meantime. Adios!

Read more here

[chocosvt]

hi choco !! i hope you’re having a good day/night 🤩🤩

i’ve been a fan of yours since late 2020/early 2021 (i can’t remember when exactly) and i just want to say that i rlly rlly love your writing. like LOVE love your writing 💗💗

i’m a writer myself, but for years i’ve always felt like there was something wrong or missing in the way i write, and i couldn’t figure out why. but then i found your jun imagine because i love you, which (ngl) was one of those kinds of stories that changed my life forever. (also i’m a jun stan so 😂 it made me love this work even more) i read through all your works (other favorites include honey boy, the best friends brother rewrite, split your heart, brownie points, insomniac, second life, wish, fireflies, connect, ivory night AAAA THEY’RE ALL SO GOOD 😭💖) i love every single one of them, and gradually i discovered what went wrong with my own work (for example, my ridiculous tendency to switch from past to present and back in the same scene, my over exaggerated writing style, and strange pacing and plot). your writing helped me improve my own, and i am forever grateful for that.

you’re an incredible writer, and your writing has definitely inspired and changed people’s lives (at least with mine and the way i write). i hope that writing will continue to be a part of your life and that no one will ever take that away from you 💞💞 you have an amazing gift and if you ever decide to write a book and publish it, i will definitely buy it asap 🤩🤩

hope you’re doing well!! ✨✨✨ (imma go study for my ap cal exam now 🥲🥲)

OKAY i know you sent me this last week but when i first read ur ask it was my morning before work and all i could do was roll around in my bed cuz teehee-ing n kicking my feet like OMFG IT WAS SO BAD i love your MESSAGE SO MUCH I WANTED TO CRY MY EYES OUT!!

but then i wasn't even sure what i could say in response to it since i was like my words won't suffice in explaining my joy and gratitude!!! but PLEASE KNOW I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU SAID I HOLD ONTO IT LIKE A LITTLE WARM TEA LIGHT!!

ALSO YES okay i still do the thing with my tenses! and it's always the opposite!! if i'm writing in present tense then somehow my brain automatically switches to past tense n vice versa I LITERALLY MADE THAT MISTAKE A FEW DAYS AGO i had to go back n fix all my paragraphs omfg ,,,,,,,, but i'm so happy that u were able to find an extra layer of use from my writing hahahahahah i think everyone grows into their own individual style over time!

HHAAHHA omg i don't think i could write an actual book like i LOVE the idea of it but i think my writing is more suited to fanfics eujgiseg idk it's just more fun to be apart of a fandom?? and writing is also soo personal to me i don't tell anyone that i write (i mean obvs ppl on here know) but irl i never talk abt it cuz it just feels too intimate!!

[sankirtan]

Encouraged by a recipient of Prabupada’s books | ISKCON Book Distribution. For a whole week I’d experienced a profound sense of detachment while distributing books at the southbound platform within the illustrious Broadway-Lafayette subway station in New York City. My steadiness and purity of mind were unprecedented. I jotted down notes to myself on how one must be kind and smile at everyone, regardless of their response. Be light. That was the key. The next week I attempted to employ the realizations Krsna had compassionately offered me. As the recently elected sankirtana leader, I felt it my duty to grow into a position of steadiness and lightness. What I met with, however, as a result of my efforts, was unremitting and exquisite torture from one subway stop to the next. Everyone I approached knew me by name and didn’t want to hear it anymore. Had I burned my home base completely? Grand Central Station was fresh but no more merciful. And just as I was pushed to my limits, ready to break, I called out, “Krsnaaa! This has to stop! I’m not going to let everyone walk all over me. It’s insane. It stops now!” My scores picked up somewhat, but mostly I was overcome with a low sense of confidence and self-worth, a struggling infantryman for Srila Prabhupada, out on the front lines. During one exchange, I distinctly felt myself a puppet in Lord Caitanya’s hands. The vigor with which I spoke the same lines of an age-old sankirtana mantra was completely foreign to me. But the challenges did not end there. In urgently trying to reconcile the two conflicting realizations of kindness and firmness, lightness and gravity, from one week to the next in my new position of sankirtana leader, I found myself again at my wit’s end. I wondered what my Lord had in mind with this transcendental trickery. It was on another day at West 4th St.’s underground transport lair that I found my answer while pushing harder and harder to distribute the law books of human society for transition into the spiritual abode. Meditating on the doggedness of not becoming a doormat rather than on the sweetness and lightness of mercy flowing from above, I persistently spoke with an older Hispanic man who declined to purchase a book. I did not know at the time whether what I was doing was good or even all right, but I felt I had no choice. I had to vie for Prabhupada while there was still a window of opportunity! The next thing I knew I had a twenty-dollar bill in my hand and the man had a “Journey of Self-Discovery” in his. Unfortunately, I could not continue on such a high platform of distribution. Rather, I struggled onward at a snail’s pace. One hour. Another hour. Losing steam. Losing inspiration. Just one hour left. “Maybe I should call it quits early today,” I thought. No! I refused to go home with my tail between my legs. “Anything is possible out here,” I told myself. I pushed on. And on. And on. And then I stopped. I had nothing left in me. I shut my eyes and called out, “Krsnaaa! I feel totally disconnected from these people! I feel totally disconnected from You! I don’t like this. I feel horrible, like a fraud, to act so impersonally before You. Please help me.” I felt so very low. I reluctantly approached a fair-skinned boy who was reading a book. He was extremely attentive to my every word. Then he responded with softness in his voice: “I’m going to buy this and share it with my mother. She is really into karma and dharma.” Then he repeated several times: “This is so nice of you, Ari.” As I bid the boy farewell, having provided him with my email address and encouraged him to stay in touch, he looked up at me and, raising his right arm triumphantly in the air, declared, “You have to distribute these books!” Ten seconds later I encountered a heavyset man with awful teeth and gray hair. Towering over me, he quickly took a book and offered me ten dollars and a priceless smile. Your Servant, Ari