#I have other things I gotta do this weekend so I will restrain myself lol

[princesscallyie]

Me after reading my first novel in like over a decade after I got back into reading:

[sw4tch]

Ok so About The Yearning

Actually i don't have a lot to say about it. I just feel empty lately and that's just how things are.

I keep wondering if this is all there is to life. And maybe it is? You wanted a quiet life, didn't you? Then, this is How You Live A Quiet Life.

That's mean. Don't be mean to me.

Sigh. I don't know, i wish i knew more people. Wish i had more people to hang out with. To talk with. To go out and watch a movie with.

Like, dunno, i want to feel like I'm doing something fun with my life instead of hiding away in one tiny little room as always.

Man, if i was back in the city, I'd be a riot. There's so much to do in the city.

Here i gotta have a car if i want to go ANYWHERE and i hate it. Which is funny bcus this place is a city too???????? Why is EVERYTHING so far away from each other. If i wanna go to costco i gotta drive for 40 minutes. Back home i could walk there in 15 minutes. Jeez.

I guess I'm annoyed at how caged it makes me feel. I'm free but also I'm not. I mean I'm not free but what can you do, u know?

Sigh.

Maybe I'm bitter.

I had a manic incident this weekend and i am struggling to shake it off. I still feel buzzing and feel ready to be reckless and destroy my life into tiny little pieces-

But you know. I have learned self restrain so i can only rationalize with myself and breathe in and out.

And yearn! Lol

Anyway.

I'm planning a vacation to europe now. Gonna burn all this stupid little money i have. Gotta enjoy life a little. My american visa won't get here until 2 years so i have given up on visiting the north americas. It's not worth it. Nothing will ever be.

I haven't planned my vacation yet. I just said i would. But i haven't opened the websites yet. I have visited the websites for the past 3 weeks and all they have given me has been grief.

But europe might be different. Maybe i can go hiking and get lost and become a fun true crime case. Get taken by the faerie or whatever.

Fuck.

Sorry.

I'm manic. Or sad. Or both. But i am full of energy and i want to feel alive because if i feel alive then maybe i won't feel like tearing my ribs apart.

So i gotta breathe. In and Out.

If you were watching me from an outside perspective, you wouldn't even know that I'm going through it. Which is fun.

Living a quiet life as a quiet person with a quiet heart.

I want to be noisy and annoying and LOUD and the person that interrupts you mid sentence BECAUSE THEY NEED TO BE HEARD RIGHT NOW.

But I'll never be. I never have things i want others to hear. My love life? My problems? My annoyances? My opinions? Why would anyone care about those.

They're not interesting to say outloud. That's fine. It's understandable. It's not anyone's fault.

I wish i had more money to have a more interesting life. Rich people can afford to be interesting.

What can i do, other than stay inside and look out the window and dream of traveling the world to fill the empty space in my soul.

I had a nightmare today.

I haven't had nightmares in almost a year. But i had one today.

I was going to be late to my flight. I had 30 minutes to get to the airport.

But the drive there would take me 30 minutes already. And i realized that i wouldn't make it anyway, because you have to be there 2 hours earlier to register your bags.

And i was so stressed.

Other stuff happened. Which i don't remember. But anyway i ended up in a sexually violent part of my dream. I woke up disgusted. The scenario repeats again and again, one of the worst parts of my life just always comes back to me in nightmares. Why wouldn't it, right?

I don't know why i had this nightmare.

It might be obvious right?

But no matter how sad I've been while living here, my dreams have been either empty or pleasant.

What hurt me so badly to have a nightmare? And after such a good day too? I went to the mall with my friends and had fun.

Why did i dream about the flight ticket and about that?

This emptiness will eat me up alive, is that what you're saying?

I guess I got sad. Thinking about how truly alone I am.

Which is ridiculous, you know? I have friends.

But deep inside i understand that does not matter. I have no one that will take care of me in the ways that matter. No safety net, no home to come back to.

I have no home.

I have no home.

I don't have a family that loves me.

So why bother. Why bother. What's all this song and dance for? This stupid performance for?

For me. It's for me. And for you, always for you.

C'mon. C'mon. Snap out of it. I'm tired of the routine in which i come home and pretend to forget how empty my life is. No. Snap out of it.

Don't cry.

I know, it's hard.

I don't have good words of encouragement for you this time around. Have you gotten tired of me too?

No. I just don't know how to comfort you with words you'd believe.

What words would I believe?

I love you. I love you. I love you.

That's why I work so hard, yes? Our savings are for us. For you to enjoy. For you to have something at the end of the world.

But. Please keep them. Please don't do reckless things.

Why wasn't i made for fairytale romances?

I don't know. That's my honest answer.

But I'd love for you to have one. I can't promise you that one day it'll come. We're too reclusive and closed off for them, maybe. But.

Well, i love you. Isn't that enough?

I don't know.

I can still try.

So, just breathe. Breathe. Write. And breathe.

You're only human you know? These kinds of things happen.

Please wait for a good opportunity to come before you burn our savings. Sadly, vacations weren't made for us.

You'll just burn your money and get nothing out of it.

"Memories" hah, you know our memory is bad and forgets the essence of those special moments. So unless you travel with a photographer, you won't even get to have those memories for yourself.

Just putting it out there, love.

Love, what a nice word.

Anyway. That's the plan, yes? Keep your savings. Don't spend much. Go to the cinema sometimes.

That's it. Sorry we can go anywhere. But hey, maybe one day things will be easier.

Unsatisfactory plan, i see.

Sure, but we're looking out for the one we love.

Our beloved, right, right. Snaily of the future.

If we stay strong, maybe they'll get to have an easier time in the future.

What's the future like? I hope it's good.

We can only hope.

Right.

Well, at least i stopped crying.

Thank you. Thank you.

I love you, i love you, i love you. Please stay strong. Stay strong. Stay strong.

[luvdsc]

im just scared that my herb garden would die on me, but im definitely gonna look into it haha and youve got cute boys in your class?? all of mine kinda suck?? maybe its because im still in high school so the boys are a lil more weird and immature 🤧 and yes!! we all have to keep a safe distance and sit apart from each other,, that sucks but the good thing is that i can see them and everything!! i really hope all of this will be over soon and you get to see your family/friends again!! and (1/3)

is zoom really that popular in the us? because i dont know anybody around me that uses zoom lmao and oh my god 93/34 degree f/c is INSANE!! is that normal?? because thats definitely a whole new level of hot dfafad but i know what you mean!! i miss my friends the most when its nice outside and id be doing smth with them :( homecoming king literally had me in tears because its somehow so relateable safsdfd and oh, definitely gotta check out key & peele!! and, yes!! i absolutely love becky!! (2/3)

that was so funny!! same, im probably gonna make banana bread today or smth because we have too many bananas haha and peanut butter cookies sounds delicious!! i absolutely love peanut butter but havent bakes anything with them so far? and, yes, frosting is like the best and worst thing at the same time? because i can never stop,, i feel like we all need smth to pass our time dfafsd and my week was nice, better than last week haha!! hope you got to enjoy your weekend like i did 💖💖 (3/3)

✿ ✿ ✿

ooo, maybe you can start with one plant then? rosemary is pretty easy to grow! there are sometimes very cute boys in my classes, like i remember last year, this one exchange student was from greece and oh my god??? he was beautiful. he’s really sweet and nice, and we talked a lot in that class :) oh yeah, high school boys are the worst but i also went to an all girls hs, so i didn’t have to see them often fortunately LOL and that’s good! i’m glad you get to see your friends 💓💓 i hope so too!!! a lot of my friends’ birthdays were in april and coming up soon, and we had so many fun bday plans, but unfortunately, they aren’t happening now ):

yeah, i think it is! all my friends at different colleges are using it for classes, and a lot of people in hs here are also using it as well! and rip it is unfortunately, i live in california, and the weather spikes up to the 90s usually as it gets closer to summer. it’s usually fine when we can go to the beach, but we can’t with social distancing and quarantine ): omg i was gonna watch it, but all i did over the weekend was sleep in and continue playing ac ajskdfklasds becky is adorable!!! did you watch their photoshop battle video? :o

oooo did you make banana bread? how did it turn out? 💞 i made cinnamon buns!!! they came out so nicely and tasted yummy omg :’) ooo if you like peanut butter, then you should try making them sometime! 💘 the cookies are really easy to make!! YES like i want to keep adding more frosting and making more flowers with them, but also... i must restrain myself before the cake to frosting ratio is skewed aksjdfals cooking and baking have been a good way to pass the time tho :’) and i’m glad to hear that!! i hope this week is even better for you 💖 ah yes, i had a very good weekend, catching up on sleep and talking to my friends 💗 i hope yours went well, too, lovebug!!! 💕

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Not too shabby, Jimothy Janis: How about you? Jimmy: Been better Jimmy: You know 😏 Janis: Goes without saying Janis: we both make do like but all things considered Janis: think it was 'reet' as you would say Jimmy: You're so full of craic Jimmy: No wonders I miss you already like Jimmy: But yeah it was alright Janis: 🍀 Janis: Take the compliment even though with present company its not asking much of me is it Janis: No shade to Cass or Bobs Jimmy: Want another, do ya? #thirstyworkthis Jimmy: Full of 'em thankfully Janis: Who you calling thirsty?! 😉 Jimmy: Denying it? Jimmy: Bold move Janis: Your word against mine Jimmy: Fair. You are louder than me Jimmy: Gonna get drowned out Janis: 😳 Janis: Prick! Janis: Not my fault that you just grunt like a caveman at all times Jimmy: If you aren't about it, do something about it, mate Jimmy: Just saying 😏 Janis: Ha.. what, teach you proper English? Janis: Not sure I got the time or dedication to the cause tbh 🤔 Jimmy: Nah you haven't got the vocab 🇮🇪 Jimmy: Need more than 🍀 is the drama Janis: 🖕 Janis: Drama is the only subject you're about, more like Janis: not working with an unwilling pupil Jimmy: You can't be my muse across every subject, mate Jimmy: So thirsty like Janis: Ugh Janis: I hate you Janis: So glad you're not here now Jimmy: Can't shut me up from this far away though Jimmy: We both know you've got means otherwise Janis: Such a blatant hussy Janis: all becomes clear now 😂 Jimmy: Skerries brings it out in me Janis: Well what happens in Skerries, like Jimmy: Shit. Hang on Janis: Okay Janis: Is it? Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: As you were Jimmy: What did I miss? Janis: Damn, didn't hear me lamenting under ya window? Janis: Guess the thirst isn't THAT real Janis: You good? Jimmy: Funny Jimmy: Shame you weren't, could've caught me when I was tempted to throw myself out dramatically like Janis: That bad then? Janis: 'Cos you went away, like? Jimmy: My dad just had a weekend worth of opinions he simply had to share with me about how I've been spending my time Janis: I can imagine Janis: You aren't free childcare though Janis: I know my fam are lax about certain shit others aren't but he is taking the piss Janis: Right? Jimmy: It isn't like I even mind about looking after them, he's acting as if I'm desperate to be rid when I'd rather have 'em than leave them with him Jimmy: None of us wanna play happy families with him and his missus Jimmy: Have your fucking alone time Janis: Soon to be asking that, gotta be realistic Janis: Esp. with how little he's given the kiddos re. you're Ma Janis: What a headfuck, can't just transition seamlessly, son Janis: and as for the rest of that shite, he just KNOWS that'll make you feel guilty, Jim Janis: I don't know anyone who puts as much work in with their fam, he's not got a leg to stand on there, just knows what'll work on you, that's all Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it fucks me off though, it really does Jimmy: Feels like ages since we went away already and I'm only just back through the door Janis: I know Janis: Sometimes I wish we could just take 'em and leave for good Janis: Not really though, I know that's a lowkey fucked thing to wish considering Janis: Not trying to be an insensitive cunt, just hate it when he gets to you, if I could do something about it forreal, I would Jimmy: You do Jimmy: Not trying to make you feel awkward bout it but you do really help me Jimmy: I wouldn't be able to hack half as much of this if you weren't about Janis: 'Course you would Janis: You did before, like, since you was 13 Janis: That's mental Janis: Don't usually wanna gas you up this much but you're fucking strong, and I know you had to for 'em but still are Janis: Own it, big 'ead Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Still wish you were here though Jimmy: Or we were there Janis: Duh, I'm a delight Janis: and not going anywhere anytime soon so Janis: you're in 🍀 Jimmy: About time I had some Janis: That's the spirit Janis: just hit your Da with that quality bants 😎 Janis: won't have no comebacks, I bet Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: Sooner I can get my own flat the better Jimmy: Debating jacking school in but then who'd be there to get Mr Lucas' rocks off Janis: Won't someone please think about Mr Lucas n his needs?! Janis: Such a hero Janis: Forreal? Be a shame, like Janis: Not just for the art department Jimmy: I know. I wouldn't get to spend all day eye fucking you for starters Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: I dunno, sometimes it's the only peace I get from dickheads, kids and mad dogs but they aren't paying me to be there like Janis: Can't have you using your skillz on the CG punters instead Janis: Get restraining orders or their order over ya like Janis: Makes sense though, shame there ain't a compensation scheme like Janis: Maybe you could get run over and then say the Dr fucked you over Janis: double bubble Jimmy: Get your nan round to beat me up again Jimmy: Have a go too, be a hero, mate Jimmy: If anyone asked there was loads of 'em and I didn't see a single face, sorry Janis: 😂 Janis: and defs not a pensioner and a teenage girl either like Janis: probs the 'RA after you, like Janis: sell that shit to The Sun, boyo Janis: full of good ideas, me Jimmy: Quality Jimmy: I am gonna have to get another job at least Jimmy: any ideas there? Janis: Hmm Janis: Lets put our heads together Janis: What are your skills, Mr Taylor? Jimmy: 😏 Janis: 😒 Janis: There's a market for it Janis: Mia could be your sugar mama, play your cards right Jimmy: I'd happily go broke in that case Jimmy: Live in this box room forever like Janis: You got principles now? Janis: Didn't have 'em when you was sucking face with Tam 🤔 Interesting 😂 Jimmy: When Mia's concerned it's called common sense Janis: Don't reckon you got staying power to be nothing more than another flavour of the month? Janis: She does go through them, admirable in a way given all she's seemingly working against Jimmy: I know I haven't Jimmy: Kissed goodbye to my new boy appeal ages ago Janis: I dunno Janis: I still reckon you're alright Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Cute Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: [Sends a picture of Twix] Speaking of Jimmy: Absence has made the heart grow fonder for someone Janis: Real MVP Janis: been wearing you out instead of her Janis: You owe her, like 😜 Jimmy: I'm gonna bin off school Jimmy: I can make it up to her then Jimmy: Just for the day, keep calm dad Janis: Lol, really prove his point, like Janis: Teen's prerogative Janis: Fair though, I'm pretty knackered Jimmy: yeah why not Jimmy: you don't wanna come over to keep us both company then? Janis: You don't have to ask Janis: if you just wanna 💤 Janis: Not gonna be that bitch Jimmy: what kinda bitch you gonna be Janis: I've not decided yet, watch out world Jimmy: Keep me posted Jimmy: Twix needs to get a jump on her competition Janis: Look, baby girl, if its a competition between you and school then it is none Janis: but the lad here needs a break Janis: I'm soz 💔 Jimmy: 😎💪🏆 Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: You turning sleep into a sport now? Jimmy: Have you seen Twix when she gets going on a dream? #Athleticaf Janis: Aww 😍 Janis: why you taking on the champ, gonna have you picking up her shit- oh wait Janis: s'a dog's life forreal Jimmy: She was the one being #goals all along Janis: Truly Janis: can I come over actually Janis: I want to Janis: Call me thirsty all you wanna Jimmy: I want you here too Jimmy: We're even Janis: What was that? You actually admitting defeat? Janis: 😮 Janis: Never thought I'd see the day, Taylor Jimmy: Don't get used to it, like Jimmy: But I do owe you one for sorting Skerries Janis: I'll take it Janis: Even if it was hardly selfless of me like Jimmy: I'm alright with you being selfish if it means getting away from the shit Janis: Easily sorted Janis: S'my default, ask the fam Jimmy: I would but I'm gonna see how long I can carry on pretending families don't exist 😎 Janis: Not gonna say challenge accepted when you're being a good boy Janis: but I like the sound of that too Janis: plus, unfair, numbers wise Jimmy: You are at a disadvantage Jimmy: Never usually let that losing streak stop you though Jimmy: 😏 Janis: Fuck off Janis: Selective memory sore loser 😒 Janis: I got this in the bag anyway, you can't be cunty to kids Janis: I'm away there, all my fam be grown...ish Jimmy: You're gonna have to jog it for me cause all I see in my past are wins, mate Jimmy: Not that you can trusted if you've forgotten how much of a dickhead I am Janis: I know you find it hard to keep up with me but Janis: at least try, mate 😉 Jimmy: Don't have to. I'm a natural at beating you Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: 😑 Janis: I feel its my duty to inform you this isn't how you make girls like you, you know Janis: otherwise your chances of getting a new gf to stick are slim Jimmy: It's alright I don't want a new girlfriend Jimmy: And I know what works on the one I've got 😏 Janis: What a charmer Jimmy: You aren't denying it 😎 progress Janis: What's your game? Janis: Suspect Jimmy: No games Janis: Yeah right Janis: got my eye on you boy Jimmy: You always do Jimmy: 😎💪💕 Janis: 🕵 you're a shady character that's why Janis: could be a 36 y/o russian spy Jimmy: 😲 Jimmy: with this face? rude Janis: deep cover Janis: obvs want me for the olympics cos why else Jimmy: busted Janis: fans gonna be gutted Janis: never mind will they won't they Janis: rollercoaster from fake start to fake end Jimmy: We're gonna need new #s Janis: #whendimitriisnottheone #comradeBYE Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'll get the vodka shots in Jimmy: Win you back like Janis: Not that easy Janis: but not gonna say no Jimmy: #thirsty Janis: how did we end up back here Jimmy: Too true for you to keep avoiding, mate Janis: what you think Janis: queen of avoidance Janis: won't see me for dust Jimmy: I'll see you tomorrow, babe Janis: Only by proxy Janis: 'cos my true love is there Jimmy: 🎻💔 Janis: Don't worry, we can still have mindless sex Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Done Janis: Heart healed real fast Janis: Called it Jimmy: I'm easy Janis: Didn't wanna say it, kid Jimmy: Ask Tam she'll tell you Janis: I bet she would Janis: Unlike you I do my best to avoid her though so no tah Jimmy: Don't know what you're missing there, mate Janis: Ha, you can get fucked Janis: I'm not having a threesome with you and Tam Janis: not even for the #drama Jimmy: what about for the #craic? Jimmy: You'd be lucky anyway she's only about me 😎 Janis: So jealous 😒 Janis: Twat Janis: How about a mmf threesome, bet YOU ain't so keen now Jimmy: Depends who you're considering Jimmy: If it's Mr Lucas I'm well in Janis: All fun and games now but you know he'd be way too down Jimmy: 😒 Jimmy: Too real Janis: Mhmm, that mouth gon' get you in trouble one day Janis: what am I gonna do with you, eh? Janis: 😇 over here Jimmy: I'm the bad influence like Jimmy: Take that dad Janis: Yeah, I'll just tell him, like Janis: Problem solved Janis: Please him no end having to have a chinwag with me 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: done deal Jimmy: not like we're trying to avoid him or owt Janis: oh, just thought we were trying to avoid our own, like Janis: there goes my bruch goss sesh Janis: gutted Jimmy: Keep up, mate Jimmy: Gotta totally isolate ourselves for that teen angst cliche Janis: Umm Janis: 🚩 Janis: are you going to tell me next that no one else cares about me but you? and that I need to block everyone and give you my phone Jimmy: You can tell your fam that next time Gracie's blowing up your phone Janis: I'd pay to see her rescue mission but Janis: I'll let it get to the danger zone before I do anything, standard Jimmy: Fair Jimmy: Can't fault you there Janis: Give you time to get proper creeper Janis: up ya game Jimmy: I'll take that Jimmy: Challenge accepted as per Janis: G'wan then Janis: Don't scare easy Jimmy: I already figured that out Janis: Clever boy 😉 Jimmy: have my moments Jimmy: Don't even need school, see? Janis: Still wanna jack it in then? Janis: Let Monday pass, see how you feel Jimmy: I don't wanna really Jimmy: Just being a crybaby about being stuck under this roof Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Fair Janis: I feel it Janis: You can always squat in the barn if you're quiet Janis: won't charge you Janis: much Jimmy: I can be quiet Jimmy: If you don't blow my cover we'll be alright Janis: Excuse me Janis: I'm stealth as fuck Janis: you know you got caught the other day yeah Janis: was saving your ego but Jimmy: Nah Janis: Did so Janis: you know Gracie got her 👀 peeled for you forever Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: Should've known that she'd still be obsessed with me Janis: You? Okay 👌🍆 Janis: watch you don't rub your shine off dickhead Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Thought you'd be buzzing she's switched her allegiance like Janis: Still not getting rid of her is it Janis: Unless you both run off into the sunset and leave me in peace Jimmy: Yeah alright Jimmy: You've got Twix you'll be sorted Janis: Like you give a fuck Janis: finally getting the twin you wanted all along like Jimmy: Naturally Jimmy: Just playing the long game Janis: Bit of a weird way to play it but Janis: this your usual approach? Jimmy: You're the first twin I've dated Jimmy: Lucky Janis: I really feel it Jimmy: [Sends a pic of Twix looking adorable] Jimmy: Bet you do Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Look at what you coulda had Janis: now you're gonna have to get a pug with my sister Janis: sad Jimmy: More of a cat person anyway like 😏 Janis: are you trying to get with my mum? Janis: sicko Jimmy: Nah just over mad bitches, you know Janis: Defs wanna avoid this entire fam then Jimmy: Nah their alright Jimmy: And not just by comparison Janis: Hmm maybe from the outside looking in Janis: They aren't but what am I gonna do, emancipate myself? I've got less cash and less of a place to go so not the brightest of ideas Jimmy: Guess we're stuck Jimmy: Twix has a lot of love to give but fuck all cash Janis: Preach Janis: Useless sugar daddy Janis: should take a leaf out my sister's book clearly Jimmy: Bit late for that Jimmy: You're too loved up Janis: Nah Janis: Tell Twix to speak for herself Jimmy: [sends a voice clip of Twix howling] Jimmy: Done Janis: 😂 Janis: aren't you in enough trouble rn boy? don't start her off! Jimmy: She's a bad bitch Jimmy: Can't be told Jimmy: I blame her training meself Janis: Oh, Twix, where you gonna go? Think on, girl Janis: Get what you pay for Janis: You want results, you gotta cough up for my services Jimmy: You can't need new kicks already, mate Jimmy: I know you've been shopping like Jimmy: The social's got you exposed Janis: What makes you think I was paying? 🤔 Janis: Mean she didn't buy you a 'round? Shame Jimmy: I know you weren't Jimmy: Gonna pay when Twix hears about it though Janis: Sure the flat whites are already hunting her down too Janis: Awkward Jimmy: Tam's probably trying to stretch her skin into a suit as we speak Jimmy: She's gonna need a touch of your luck I reckon Janis: Not your usual type, long and lanky then? Janis: That'll be a toughie but she's nothing if not determined, bless her Jimmy: Dunno I can't remember Jimmy: 🤷 Janis: Nice Janis: Such a gent Jimmy: I wasn't trying to be Jimmy: She bumped into me and we had a dance to make it less awkward Jimmy: Far as that politeness went Janis: No need to lie 😂 I'm not the one that's gonna be crying about it Jimmy: No need to be jealous cause I'm not Janis: Whatever, weren't together Janis: not against any unwritten rules or other shite Jimmy: Still Jimmy: If you were jealous, like at Cass' party, no need to be Janis: You what? Janis: I weren't, you were being rude, that's all Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: 🤷 Janis: Always wanting me to be jealous Janis: 😒 Jimmy: Nope, just saying Jimmy: I'm that dickhead like Janis: What dickhead would that be? Jimmy: A jealous one Janis: Nah Janis: You ain't Janis: why would you be? nothing to be jealous about Jimmy: Forget it Janis: Can't say that, never works, like Jimmy: There's a first time for everything though Jimmy: Worth a go Janis: 🤷 Janis: fine, hit you with the shrug right back Janis: be like that Jimmy: I'm not being like anything Jimmy: I just don't wanna say it. Okay? Janis: Alright Janis: What do you wanna say? Anything? Should I go? Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: It's not your fault like, being too good for me and that Janis: Are you mental? What are you even chatting Janis: Fuck leagues, not even playing the same sport, and I ain't bragging Janis: For once Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: You're fucking stunning like, and that's just looks Janis: 🙄 Janis: Please Janis: that's the start and end of my qualities Janis: don't even make the most of that, like Jimmy: Shut up Jimmy: It isn't Jimmy: And you don't need to, that makes it worse, or better depending on the lens you're viewing through Janis: I've told you, I know what I am Janis: Ain't under any illusion I'm a catch Janis: Not fishing for sympathy like Jimmy: I'm not throwing any sympathy out Jimmy: Or compliments, just facts Jimmy: You are a catch, mate Janis: Blatantly not 'cos no one else thinks or has thought so Janis: what I'm saying, there's nothing to BE jealous about Janis: no one gunning for you 'cos I'm off the market, is there Jimmy: Only cause they can't compete with how #goals we are Janis: Yeah, that's the joke Jimmy: It doesn't have to be Jimmy: I'm not laughing Janis: No? That might've been your reality but it certainly hasn't been mine Janis: There's a reason I was a 'dyke' with no friends, and those reasons haven't disappeared Janis: You would laugh, you do Jimmy: No Janis: Forget it Janis: I'm using mine now too Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: I don't want you to forget what I'm trying to say Jimmy: Even if I am messing it up Janis: you don't have to Janis: say anything Janis: just 'cos I'm being a fucking sad case Jimmy: I want to Jimmy: There's so much shit I wanna say to you, alright? Janis: But you don't know how? Janis: Alright, Liam, fucking hell Jimmy: He was on to something Janis: Maybe Janis: 😏 Janis: You don't need this though, my shit ontop of yours, forreal, so you can forget about it, alright? Jimmy: I'm not that much of dickhead Janis: Ugh, can't you try? Janis: Always claiming the title and now where is it when we need it, eh Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: Got no control over it like that Jimmy: Basically none around you, like Janis: You mean that? Janis: No bullshit, no bants? Jimmy: You know I do Janis: Good Janis: 'cos me either Janis: and I am jealous, really jealous Janis: and you know that too, I know Jimmy: That's why you have to hear me out Jimmy: There's no reason to be Jimmy: I swear Janis: Alright Janis: I'll try Janis: Its not personal, but I know its shitty to be on the other end of it regardless Jimmy: Good Jimmy: I can't lie now, I quite like it Jimmy: Nobody's ever been that bothered about me before Janis: Well they're thick then Janis: I Janis: I dunno Janis: Not had anyone to myself before Janis: that I wanted to keep Janis: not letting go easy, like Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: Me and you. Alright? Jimmy: That's how I want it Janis: Alright Janis: I wish we had a place to go now too Janis: Bad Janis: out of the question storming out in a teen angst rage tonight? Jimmy: It's out of the question for me not to Jimmy: I'll take the car Jimmy: Find us a place Janis: You're already in trouble I guess Janis: Lets do it Janis: I'll be waiting outside Jimmy: I'll be right there Janis: 👌 Janis: what are our chances of sneaking me in though? 🤔 seems silly to come back home only to come back tomorrow like Janis: up for the challenge? Jimmy: Put a coat on it's freezing out Jimmy: You know it 💪🏆 Janis: Cute 🖤 Janis: but as I've pulled, will do Jimmy: Funny Jimmy: Got the car keys that's the first hurdle like Jimmy: Don't even need luck Janis: Thank God, like Janis: just that good, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: 💕

[canaryatlaw]

well, for a shitty week, today was pretty damn good, even though I feel guilty for somewhat blowing off my bar prep (but I did get some of it done tonight so it’s not a total loss). I woke up at 8, earlier than my normal church wake up because I was gonna do the whole shower thing, which ended up taking me less time than I expected so I was like sitting at my kitchen table trying to kill time, and then continually getting frustrated because the bus only comes at 9:00 and 9:20 and I need it at like 9:10 to work properly, but I always end up getting on the 9:00 bus because I hate being late and then I’m just like awkwardly early, and I end up getting pulled into the 10:30 huddle when I’m not serving till the 12:30, but oh well. So all of that happened, and then I went up to the service. I’d been gone the last two weeks and I really miss my church when I’m gone so I was glad to be back, and during worship they played the song they played when it was my first time there that I really like so that made me happy. The sermon was mostly about spiritual gifts (which sounds like a super churchy thing but it’s legit just like the logistics of what you’re good at doing) and exploring that, they even made an online quiz they gave as “homework” where you can answer questions and it’ll tell you what you’re best suited for, or something like that anyway (I don’t think it’s meant to be taken 100% seriously). I pretty much know where I’m at in that regard being that I’m with the babies legit every Sunday, sometimes I don’t even make it to the service but I’ll still be with the babies 😂 but yeah, service was good and then I was with the babies, and boy was it a “when it rains, it pours” day. Most of the time we have super calm services, but every so often we’ll just get a shitton of babies and half of them will be screaming and everything’s on fire, it’s either one or the other, no in betweens lol. there were a LOT of babies so I’m not going to list them all, but I’ll talk about the few I mainly interacted with. This one girl, she’s gotta be like 18 months by now and we’ve had her since she was like 5 months but she just recently started crying when her parents leave (I hate when they regress like that) and she had been in the babies room for the last service, and her mom had come to pick her up, but then she ended up having a meeting so she gave her daughter back to us just for a little while while she was in her meeting. Well, this little girl was not having it. I felt bad because I knew she was probably confused, but she was crying a lot, she would get distracted and stop for a while then start again out of nowhere, so that was a little trying, but thankfully her mom was back before long. We then got an endless stream of babies coming in like, halfway through the service which never makes sense to me but always happens lol, at one point this mom came in with her son and she was just like “would it be okay if I just came in there with him for a little bit?” and I was like YES PLEASE, PLEASE DO because we did not need another unoccupied baby running around lol. For a while I did play with this little girl who was the cutest little thing, I know I say that a lot but seriously, this baby was so. cute. she had these bright blue eyes and the top of her ears stuck out just a little bit and she had this little smile and like....I just melted looking at her because she was so damn cute. She was like 7 months and her parents said she couldn’t quite crawl yet but was getting there, so we sat her on the floor and let her move as she wanted, a few times I’d hold her up so it was like she’s standing and she like, hasn’t fully grasped the concept yet because she keeps most of her feet off the ground and is just on her tip toes, which is also very cute, and she got really happy when I did that and she’d like, try to grab on to me to hold herself up but just ended up like, touching my face awkwardly but it was too damn cute. Okay, I think I ranted sufficiently about how much I wanted to kidnap this perfect little angel (but of course, I restrained myself). There was another little girl I held for a bit who was crying before giving her over to one of the other ladies who was holding her last week and they kinda bonded which does happen haha and she basically just held her the rest of the time. It was a lot of on and off crying, but by the end of the service it was fairly calm so that’s good enough for me lol. I had been texting Jess making plans to get food once I got out of church, and I suggested we go to the cheesecake factory because she loves that place, but the only one I knew of was downtown and you can’t drive downtown because there’s no place to park and it was way too hot to get there by any way other than driving, but she knew of one up in Evanston that was like 30 minutes from us since we’re pretty far north, so I ubered back to her place after church because I’m impatient, and got in the car, stopped at mcdonalds for ice cream cones because it’s never a bad time for ice cream, and from there we drove up to where it was in a mall complex. We had also been planning on seeing Oceans 8 at some point (we were gonna do it last weekend but ended up being too wiped out from our other activities) and there was a movie theatre in the mall complex, so we resolved to get food, look at some stores, and then go to the movies. We got seated right away at the cheesecake factory which I was kinda surprised at because I thought it would be busy with post-church traffic but I guess it was late enough at that point (it was like 3) that most of that crowd had passed through. Our food came out like wicked fast, it was actually there before we even got our bread, which I was very slightly sad about because I like their bread lol. I got the same pasta I always get but it was the lunch portion so I actually finished it for like, the first time I think lol. We were pretty full after that so we opted for no cheesecake (and I mean, we’d already had ice cream) so we paid and then went to wander the stores. Forever 21 was right there and they were having like, a super sale, so we wandered around there a while. I used to get like, most of my wardrobe from there, but more recently I guess I kinda outgrew their stuff and I don’t really own much from them anymore, guess that happens. From there we went into Garage quickly because like, about half of their clothing is actually wearable and cute but the other half is total garbage lol, and then we went into Charlotte Russe for a while. From there we decided to move the car around to the other side of the mall where the movie theatre was, so we did that and then went to assess the movie theatre situation, and dude, this was like a super fucking fancy movie theatre. Like I’ve been to nice ones before, but this was soooo over the top. It had like, waiter service for all these fancy things, and they’ll bring you blankets if you want (they were polyester of course, but I forgive them) and like, their menu was insane, it had like filet mignon for $39 like....who is actually so fucking extra that they would order a fucking steak at the movie theatre (I actually know the answer to that because the answer is my father, but still) so we got popcorn and Jess got a shake and I got a coke because I was still full from lunch. So we chilled there for a while until the movie started. Like all of my internet friends have been raving about this movie for weeks now, so I had pretty high expectations, and they did not disappoint. I’ve seen all 3 of the original Ocean movies and enjoyed them all, so if they were going in that direction I knew I’d like it. And oh, it was so genius, I loved it. Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett were fucking great together, and I have to agree with much of the speculation I’ve seen, they’re totally in love lol. I also really loved Anne Hathaway, she was great through the entire thing, but when she shows up (maybe spoiler?) at the end she just became such a boss and I loved every minute of it. At the last scene, right up until the screen was black, I fully expected George Clooney to walk up any moment because I mean, is anybody really dead if we didn’t see them killed on camera?? lol, but it’s good they at least left the door open for it. So yeah, I really liked it. When we got out most everything else was closed since it was getting late on a Sunday, so we headed back home and had some GPS adventures, but eventually made it home. Throughout the day we had also discussed going to New York next week because I have doctors appointments and shit and Jess legit wasn’t doing anything so I was like well you should just come with me and she was like okay cool so I got home and booked that flight, we’ll leave next Sunday and come back that Friday, should be a nice little break. We plan on making the most of our time in NY, so I already obtained tickets to see a matinee of Hello, Dolly! (only because of Victor Garber, I don’t really care about anything else in that show, at all) and then tickets to see Mean Girls that night because I’m rapidly becoming obsessed with this show and I need to see it in person. Once I got all of that done I turned back to the simulated bar thing I was supposed to be doing and got through 50 out of the 100 questions I had left to do, so not too bad. The site did save all the answers I put in before my computer got fried, so that was good, I could’ve just re-entered them if needed because I marked them on the pages, but it was helpful that I didn’t have to. And yeah, after that I did normal computer stuff and beta’d some fic for a bit until I decided to get ready for bed and now I’m here. Tomorrow I gotta get those questions finished, and then I have a “live webinar” with a bunch of bar students going over the answers and such, so that should be.....interesting (not sure I can think of another word to probably describe it really). We’ll see. Well, it’s past 1:30 am, which means it’s time for me to go to sleep, even if my apartment is still hot as fuck which makes it super annoying to do anything, but I am still gonna need sleep at some point, so I might as well do it now. Goodnight darlings. Have a fantastic Monday.