#and the unmedicated bipolar

[evandore]

its probably so annoying to hear me just say the same thing over and over again but im constantly guilty bc i really try to give the benefit of the doubt. like considering im not a great person and none of my family is and its rlly just like that. but like. come on man. come the fuck on be so serious right now. idk hes fucking rotted in the brain or something and btw hes being completely serious too like i know for a fact that man believes everything he says with certainty. he rlly thinks hes better then everyone else and he has never done wrong in his whole life.

[patrocles]

i straight up was almost killed today jesus christ

[sparklev0id]

leveling up my mental illness points by inadvertently turning my BP2 into BP1

[moki-dokie]

how the fuck does one (lovingly) beat sense into someone so dear but so hellbent on sabotaging their life and happiness without also pissing them off or pushing them away??? bruh this is a delicate line to walk LOL

[teslacarbombz]

i wanna feel it (being fucking happy for once in my goddamn pathetic excuse for a life)

[cyber-judas]

damn shinji ikari really is gay

talks to kaworu twice, falls madly in love

[vamp-kiddo]

Being bipolar is like

Depression riseing psyhosis worseing

Depression stopping manic state breaks the door psyhosis STILL HERE FOR GOD KNWOS WHAT RESONE I SHOULD BE PUT ON SOME FUCKING ANTIPSYHOTICS I CAN FEEL MYSELF GO INSANE BRO

[chillian-murphy]

looking at every musician from the 70s and 80s with great cheekbones and a drug problem and immediately thinking "Cillian should play them"

[stigmatacunnilingus]

wanna do my t shot (its early but idk idgaf) but also my roommate has someone over and idk he's making me nervous he was like slamming doors n shit last nigght

[alivingmel]

GOT MY LAST CHEMO INFUSION ON WEDNESDAY BABEEE, feelin' like garbage but finally can recover without another scheduled dose of suffering on the horizon.

MORE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE AND ""FUN"" FACTS ABOUT CHEMOTHERAPY (under the cut):

-There are over a hundred chemo drugs used to fight cancer! Alkylating agents, antimetabolites, anti-tumor antibiotics, topoisomerase inhibitors, the list goes on. . . Some are administered intravenously, some are taken orally, some are injected with a needle, and some even come in wafer form (surgically placed near a tumor)!

-My treatment regimen involved five different chemo drugs. . . 12 weeks of paclitaxel and carboplatin (every week), 8 weeks of doxorubicin and cyclophosphamide (every other week), and Keytruda (every 4 weeks, I think? lost track lmao) throughout.

-DOXORUBICIN (also known as Adriamycin) is one of the most infamous chemo drugs. Its nasty list of side effects and bright red color has earned it the nickname "The Red Devil". You have to get an echocardiogram before recieving doxorubicin because it can cause serious heart problems. For this reason, there's a maximum cumulative dose. You also piss bright red after it's administered!!!

-PACLITAXEL (also known as Taxol) comes from an interesting source. . . The bark of the Pacific yew tree! Makes you wonder how many cures for diseases are hiding in plain sight. . . Or being covered up by the pharmaceutical industry because they aren't profitable enough. :')

-My understanding of chemo from TV and movies made me believe it made you puke nonstop. . . But, because doctors anticipate the nausea, they have plenty of preventative treatments so it's not nearly as common a side effect as it once was. I didn't throw up once! But I did get nasty heartburn and plenty of bowel issues to make up for it, yikes. (I once was someone that got anxiety about bringing up embarrassing problems to my doctors, this experience has bled me dry of shame. . .)

-You don't always have to lose all your hair either! For those recieving meds that cause hair loss, cooling caps are an option. They're expensive, but some hospitals (including mine, thankfully) have programs for those that can't afford them. (Partly because nurses weren't too keen on helping only the richest patients keep their hair.) Cooling caps work by chilling your scalp, reducing the amount of blood flow (and thus chemo drugs) that reaches your hair follicles. IT FEELS LIKE THE WORST BRAIN FREEZE EVER BECAUSE IT ENCASES YOUR SKULL IN ICE AND IT ADDS LIKE 3 HOURS ONTO YOUR INFUSION VISIT, but hey! I kept like 50% of my hair, and I would have kept more if it wasn't for the goddamn doxorubicin (which is notoriously tough on hair). MY IDENTITY IS VERY HAIR-BASED so it made me feel better.

-Of course, you don't just lose hair on your head, though! First went the pubes, then the armpits, eyebrows, and now my eyelashes are on their way out. . . Arm and leg hairs seem the most resilient (in my case, anyway).

-THE BEST (aka worst) side effect of chemo for me, personally, has been the chemically induced menopause. Chemo causes you to temporarily lose your period, which sounded like a huge bonus! Until the hot flashes and the night sweats started. Not fun to deal with during the summer!!! I hope this is extra intense because of it being more abrupt than naturally occuring menopause, otherwise I DREAD getting this shit for real in the future, yowza.

-Because chemo drugs are tough on your veins (and can cause serious tissue damage if an IV isn't placed correctly), patients often get a port-a-cath placed in their chest to make the constant blood draws and infusions easier. I got one and I CANNOT WAIT TO GET IT OUT. It's internal, but you can feel the plastic disc "target" where they stick the IV cuz it's right under the skin and it gives me the heebie jeebies UGHHH. . . Also one of my cats almost stuck his filthy nail in it and that would've been DISASTER. . .

-The 20-34 age group only makes up 2.7% of all cancer cases. . . Which I definitely noticed in the waiting rooms! I felt out of place and didn't end up talking to many other patients, but the nurses were all very kind to me.

-It might go without saying, but where you go for treatment matters big time!!! The local hospital I got diagnosed at dragged their ass on scheduling me for a mammogram (putting me at risk for metastasis). . . And the chemo regimen they presented to me afterwards was either outdated or not specifically geared toward Triple Negative breast cancer cuz it was pretty different than the regimen I ended up on (which is supported by the most current research). . . I'm lucky enough to be close enough to Boston that I could travel up there for treatment! If you have a life-threatening condition, it's worth making the trip to the nearest city with a good hospital, believe me. (Getting stuck in traffic after treatment sucks HARD though, god.)

[the1312daysofchristmas]

hey dils! i was looking over some early drafts of petes book in his journals and i noticed “jesus walks” by kanye west was originally playing in the emergency room in the draft version of the overdose in the book. thought you might be interested! 

so sad what happened to that guy (he died badly) but this has enthralled me

i know pete wentz has some caribbean christian hang ups i can see it all over his work its palpable

[danothan]

you guys are not gonna believe what i just found

my first ever recorded (hypo)manic episode at age 16, triggered by adhd medication, tale as old as time. it’s a wonder i didn’t immediately get diagnosed

[constellation-skirmishes]

*crahses through door covered in blood*

RESI 7 WITH LUKE AS ETHAN AND REY AS EVELINE *EXPLOIDES*

[teslacarbombz]

did i tell yall im learning korean now

[juggalogojackerbox]

CAN I FINISH THREE MORE AF ATTACKS BEFORE MY DOCTORS APPOINTMENT TOMORROW WE ARE SURE AS SHIT GONNA FIND OUT 🔥🔥🔥

[icarian-carrion]

Up is why he chooses, the kisses and the bruises There ain't nothing he refuses, then it comes along It comes along, and I am lifted, I am lifted, I am lifted!