#and the specific sub-grouping of becoming something that is not human

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I want to expand the post I made earlier in the week, about not being able to participate in the fandom community on tumblr. It was indeed the result of accumulated frustrations over the weekend (and over the years truthfully) and written hastily on a Tuesday morning. As a result, some of you thought that I'm leaving for good, which is not the case. I can understand that response, considering my months-long break in 2023.

There's several things that I've mulled over for some time and some of you are familiar with my complaints, but I'll try to encompass some of the issues that I've identified.

I believe that a disregard toward fandom practices and etiquette is still at the root of why being part of online communities is getting more and more difficult. Despite not having actively engaged in a fandom prior to 2020 and BTS at that time, I was familiar with tumblr and its fandom spaces since 2011. I gradually learned how they thrive, what's the focus, the role of fanart and discourse of all its contributing members. And before tumblr, I was an avid reader/participant in film forums.

The point is, there were rules. Some written in many cases, but others not. In any case, we learned them along the way because it was in our best interest. Hence, I want to focus next on tumblr, with its tagging system and the ability to send anonymous asks.

At a first glance, such features end up opening the doors to fan spaces, giving more access, but also making the users be the ones responsible on making sure that space remains protected in a way. But because we are humans and with flaws, conflicts always arise. I've seen it many times, so it's not like what I'm witnessing today is out of the ordinary (except that it happens excessively).

The tags are a navigation system and a window into a fandom space. Now that fandom can be made up smaller sub-sections of the larger community, each with their own tagging system. If we respect the tagging system, then we can avoid conflict as much as possible. To bring this back to BTS and ships (because this is where my issue started), it would mean that those shipping jikook have their own designated tag which is then used for ship-specific posts which in turn leads to creating a community of people interested in the same ship and which participates in that ship discourse. It's a space designated through the specific tag towards a group of people. This applies to all shipping groups.

The logical thing and perhaps the most important decision to a conflict-free experience is to remain within our own shipping communities. Simply because that is our interest. We have all the freedom to check any other tag on tumblr, but we respect the etiquette. Hence, as someone who is interested in jikook, which comes with an entire set of beliefs and ship lore, etc., I will not go and disrupt another shipping space (ex. vmin, taekook, jinkook, and so on) because I'm not part of that community and my own affiliation and interest is in opposition with whatever I could find somewhere else. Protecting our peace, right?

The same logic is to be applied to anonymous asks. I've never been against its existence and I support the concept behind it. I understand that some people want to remain hidden and more often than not, a lot of conversation in discourse-prone spaces is driven more through anons than the comment sections. But in order for this to remain within respectful limits, we should apply the same logic as we do with tags. I have no interest in sending an anon asks to a vmin or liskook blog. Neither when "my ship" is doing something or not. I remain in my space because it literally has nothing to do with other bloggers. It sounds simple because it is. Too bad we are now in an age when functional illiteracy has become much worse and I'm afraid it will continue to affect any communication, particularly online.

What has happened now is that such common sense rules are being completely disregarded. For two reasons:

1. Fandom etiquette is being ignored because fandom spaces have been invaded by people who are not willing to understand such communities and how they work. It's why we hear much more often reactions such as "rpf is gross, you're weird", "you must be sick in the head for shipping people" and so on. A lot of us who have been here for a long time are nerds. To various degrees and in different fields. It's why we use internet in such ways and why we become parts of fandoms. But now, those who usually do not engage in any of this, have broken the doors and came in with their own rules. Or lack of rules. Covid made a lot of people reach such levels of boredom that they inevitably discovered that they can be ignorant and act like bullies in other people's spaces.

2. Those who became part of the jikook tumblr community have also contributed to this sub-fandom crisis, which has gotten worse in the last few years because of the type of blogging they choose to go with it. This is a shift that has taken place around 2021-22 when "bulletin board" type of blogs became popular and have in turn turned those bloggers into spokepersons.

What do I mean by that? It is a practice when a blogger writes less original posts (either analysis, jokes, you name it) and in turn focuses on posting the anon asks they receive, without using any critical thinking. Everyone and everything, from genuine people, to trolls, can send their little messages because the chances are high that they will be posted. Often times with barely any answers. Sometimes none at all (the worst option in my opinion and the most damaging. Clean your inbox using the delete button, not answer!). Even in cases when the blogger chooses to engage critically with the statements made in an ask, they fail to recognize a troll and thus, all they do is offer a platform.

This is now the norm in many jikook tumblr blogs and is probably happening as I write this. The community itself is also at fault for allowing this festering of trolls that in turn became parasites, as they use blogs to spread whatever they want. And why not, when that door is largely open?

My choice of not using the tag or regularly closing my anon option is nothing but self censorship. Which I fundamentally oppose and reaching this point has, among other reasons, saddened me. By doing that, I retreat from real fandom participation which means the circulation of fan contributions (be it gifs or commentary, analysis). People on tumblr don't reblog posts anymore, the ratio often time shows more likes. It is against the tumblr mode of operating. But even in such cases, engaging with each other remains important.

I understand that shutting down the means to do it is ultimately wrong and thus I don't bring my contribution in making sure a community is not destroyed completely.

But it is demoralizing. It is tiring. It becomes a process of blocking accounts and anon asks daily. The moment I publish a post, I then expect the worse. Because even if I don't allow any trolling on my blog, the core of this fandom space is rotten.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I will not use the tags anymore because I do not want to send any signals that I'm active. Anon asks will be enabled, but I will turn them off from time to time. Again, in order to retain control of my space.

[nevermore-grimes]

U.S. Agent Pledges to Kill on Sight

Paracosm: The Ember Blade Chronicles

Summary: I woke up with an idea in my brain, so here’s a little press release that would likely exist in The Chronicles

Warnings/Tags: Mentions of murder

Word Count: 576

Last night, in a public conference, U.S. Agent John Walker reminded the world of his promise to protect Earth from the threat of Ember Blade.

The Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division (S.H.I.E.L.D.) hosted a press conference headlined by Walker to answer public concerns about the elemental fugitive.

The conference, held in the Blip Memorial Arena, was viewed by over 140,000 in person attendees, as well as millions of people tuned in virtually from around the world. Walker reassured them all that he will continue to prioritize human safety, regardless of who’s at large.

“[Ember Blade] feeds on fear, but I’m a supersoldier, baby, and I’m not afraid of the boogeyman,” he said.

A few months ago, Nevermore Grimes, the face behind the mask of Ember Blade, was publically identified by The Daily Bugle, before soon being ousted by S.H.I.E.L.D. on allegations that she has become a threat to humanity, making her the first Avenger to be forcibly removed from the team for this reason.

The Daily Bugle host John Jonah Jameson was the first of many to publically criticize her, speaking out on the show specifically about her association with fellow fugitive, Peter Parker, who is wanted for the murder of Quentin Beck.

“Any friend of the spider menace is a fiend to the rest of us.” Jameson said on the newscast. “That spells double trouble for us all.”

S.H.I.E.L.D. promptly put out a public order, urging civilians to not engage with the former Avenger, but to call the newly formed Superhuman Imminent Fugitive Threat (SHIFT) hotline and wait for professional agents to arrive.

In response to the creation of the hotline, Walker assembled his own sub-group of agents to respond to its calls and dispatches, which he affectionately dubbed the Snuff Corps.

“What do you do when you have a fire trying to burn you?” he said. “You choke it. Snuff it out. That’s what Snuff Corps is for. [Nevermore] doesn’t stand a chance.”

Director Nicholas Fury refused to comment as to whether or not the Snuff Corps is directly funded or supported by S.H.I.E.L.D, nor did he respond to the allegations that the hunt for Nevermore is being incentivized by a bounty placed on her within the organization.

Since the order went out, there have been numerous occasional sightings of Ember Blade on Earth, though none have ended in the success of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s current mission.

After an early raid of Grimes’s former house, Walker shared the shocking details of the elemental’s rampage.

“All he did was laugh,” he said. “One of my men laughed at her, and she must’ve gotten offended, or something, because she snatched the gun from my hand and fired. None of us saw it coming.”*

Despite this, Walker hasn’t stepped down from his hunt for her, determined to be the one who completes the S.H.I.E.L.D. directive to eliminate her on sight.

Tensions continue to rise within the team, however, as some Avengers have openly spoken out against S.H.I.E.L.D.’s handling of the situation.

Wanda Maximoff, Scarlet Witch and former associate of Grimes, even found some common ground between herself and the elemental fugitive.

“I’m no stranger to being used like a weapon.” Maximoff said. “S.H.I.E.L.D. seems to forget that people who aren’t just human are still people. It was only a matter of time before someone broke. If it wasn’t Nevermore, it might’ve been me.”

Due to her current elusive state, Grimes was not readily available for comment.

*Did you catch the lie?

[sakuraswordly]

@freebird_games: It’s been over 10 years since To the Moon’s release, and every once a while I still get questions on why To the Moon never spells out the word “autism” or “Asperger’s” despite it playing a key role in the plot and character.

I wanted to explain why here.

At the time the game was released (2011), the presence and portrayal of autism in media was becoming more prominent, with numerous films and other media bringing its characterization to the forefront. However, the word “autism” became very cookie cutter, and essentially an archetype, such that when someone not familiar with it at the time (most people) hear the word, it immediately colours their image of the character predominantly as the stereotype.

To no fault of their own, to be fair. It was just how media at the time had trained us, combined with the human phenomenon where our mind tends to lose focus on nuances of an unfamiliar group (the root cause of the “y’all look alike” thing).

Autism spectrum is an important part of the story. But River as a person beyond her condition was also an important part of the story. So, in an attempt to shed light on it while keeping the stereotype from affecting the perception of her, I decided to pull instead of push.

I left clues all over the game — from traits to the author for relevant research on the subject (Asperger’s was a sub-classification at the time). The mystery of the character was who she was — both her intrinsic motivations as a person, and her specific condition.

I’ve always found that it’s easier for us to truly learn and understand when we’re pulled to look further into a subject ourself, than to have something pushed onto us.

But to be clear, I think there is value in simply getting words like “autism” out there as well, and that people should do it to bring awareness. It just accomplishes a very different thing.

Like many things in biology and sociology, different roles are needed. One brings upfront awareness but may trigger barriers, and the other brings less immediate awareness but may make people more susceptive to it in depth.

Different jobs, different sections -- both of the same funnel for the sake of more understanding between people.

While making To the Moon, I got involved in online communities of people on the spectrum. I got to know several people there, and one thing I felt that I didn’t feel that clearly from media was how different people on the spectrum can be. They all shared traits that may be a bit removed from people who were neurotypical, but they were also their own unique persons with deeply varied personalities, quirks, troubles, and aspirations.

And I can’t help but feel that’s something that we always tend to take for granted, especially in times of conflict in narrative between our inner and outer groups of people — whether it be psychological, ideological, or political.

The “Y’all look alike” phenomenon is a very human and natural thing, and it happens beyond just physical appearance. I don’t think people should be blamed for experiencing it, but I do think the world would be better if we were to more actively catch ourselves when we do.

In the end, it’s interesting how fighting against the natural human tendencies is actually how we become more human. I guess that’s how we evolve.

... Anyway, I’m rambling now so I’ll end it here. Hope that explains it and thanks for coming to my ted talk~

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

this is one of many things i hate about detroit become human as a former fan (also, the writing is bad and david cage is kinda fucked up but i don’t remember details)

like, there was room for something interesting there and all the seeds were sown, but it just kinda failed. the discrimination was presented as unfounded at first, then legitimised by showing that actually, automation put a lot of humans out of a job in the DBH universe, some of whom are people whose jobs would never be reasonably replaceable by any machinery less advanced than androids that basically look and act exactly like humans. that is a legitimate problem, that could have been solved by UBI, but that would require the status quo to be challenged. so this is just… literally never addressed again.

the other problem with this metaphor in DBH, specifically, is that it’s trying to sub for every marginalised group at once. the three playable characters are all either outright representations of minorities or clearly coded to represent them: one is Black, one is a woman, and one is an autistic coded man. they also have side characters who are robots representing other oppressed groups; there’s a child android, lesbian androids, etc., and, depending on your choices in the game, one of the PCs can end up in the literal robot holocaust, like.. it’s a bunch of different struggles of social classes. of course, there’s a noticeable neglect for commentary on classism and ableism, both things that would tie really well into a game advocating for UBI, but… alas.

it’s not as blatantly stupid as metaphors in which there was some kind of violence that spawned the discrimination, but it fell so flat along with all the other problems. especially bc it kinda pulled a zootopia style “well, we didn’t fix the root of the problem, but aren’t you glad all that crazy shit is over? me too” ending which is just a nothingburger of a social commentary.

this is also why beastars is better than zootopia, tbh, bc they both have the same central metaphor as a crux of the plot, but beastars is so much more realistic about it and doesn’t tie it into racism nearly as much as it’s tied into violence, sex, and desire, instead. whereas zootopia is kinda just like, well, it’s racism i guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the reason "robot racism" is often a really stupid metaphor is the same reason that like. discrimination against demons or vampires or whatever doesn't work, is because there's often a pretty justified reasons humans are scared of vampires or robots or whatever, in a way that doesn't apply to real life minorities, like a fantasy author will be like "the reason vampires are discriminated against is because most of them and kill and eat people for fun and pleasure, and so humans respond by trying to kill them, isn't that so sad" and like no that's a perfectly fine reason to not trust vampires i think.

[opartnermine]

have spoken before about the ways that the structure of social media creates a typical set of behaviors, but I’ll speak on it some more.

tumblr allows people to make bubbles of agreement. it’s pretty spectacularly good at that. this is a good thing in some ways—being able to control your own online experience is a valuable way to make it healthier and more comfortable, and the direct level of influence you’re able to have on tumblr is much preferable for this metric than outsourcing it to moderators, like on Reddit, or even a particularly well-made algorithm, such as TikTok’s.

this is also really, really fucking bad for any kind of discourse. people surround themselves with those who agree with them, block on a hair trigger those who don’t, and the bubbles develop cult-like reinforcement mechanisms in an entirely natural and emergent way.

the vast majority of the time, people’s only exposure to opposing viewpoints is to those radical and antisocial enough to cross these barriers, conditions self-selecting for hostility and extreme rhetoric, and these posts get passed around in a bubble without any voice from the other bubbles to say that this isn’t an accurate reflection of their collective group.

otherwise, all exposure to other views is, once again through natural and emergent processes, curated by the simple fact that humans are naturally disinclined to opposing views. a post that makes, for example, ‘proshippers’ look bad is much more likely to see a large ‘anti-shipper’ audience than something supportive or nuanced.

failure to adhere to the tenets of a bubble is often always met by exclusion, more often silent and unmentioned than hostile—people will simply block or unfollow someone, and a person who was once part of a community will find themself suddenly adrift. though unspoken, this threat of isolation is very real.

if you haven’t noticed yet, all of these things are literally the prototypical, standard practices for indoctrination into cults and hyper-radical politics.

and it’s why tumblr is Like That. discourse on Reddit can get hostile, sure. but the downvote provides an avenue of disagreement and groupthink that is nevertheless far less hostile and isolating, and allows for opposition views to still coexist in some way; a lot of why Reddit has gotten more bubble-y over the years is specifically *because* moderators have become more ideologically trigger-happy; I was once automatically banned from a slew of liberal-leaning subs minutes after commenting something critical on r/conservative, for which I was a few hours later then banned from r/conservative itself. which is pretty funny in itself but also much resembles the more organic but in the end identical behaviors found on tumblr. and, to be clear, even with the excessive moderation, Reddit is still so, so much better a place to argue with someone on, because people are genuinely willing to discuss stuff.

this has been puttering about in my head for a while now, but I’ve become motivated to put it in words now after spending an hour or so poking around discussions of transmisogyny and transandrophobia. while I am more compelled by the transmisogyny side of things, in part given their greater willingness to cite published literature both philosophical and scientific, the extent of the generalizations and misrepresentations among their opponents, and I must admit probably in part due to my status as a trans woman, the degree of extreme mischaracterization both sides of things direct at the other is absurd. genuinely absurd. so fucking easy to spend ten minutes poking around on the other sides’ tags and find out that so many generalizations being made are wildly off the mark.

but people don’t. or if they do, they don’t incorporate it. and if they do, they don’t talk about it.

cause tumblr makes bubbles.

[angyvalentine]

Tell us more about your Tav! You said she's followed you for 10 years?

First of all, thanks for askin’! I quite never got the chance to talk so much about Rey <3 So here’s a quick explanation about her origins, and under cut for more background stuff, may someone be interested.

Back in 2013, I started to play Neverwinter online. It was 22nd December when I created her as my first character in the game. An elf mage, as usual (there’s not the sorcerer class). A bit later I got the Knight of the Feywildpack, that allowed me to choose a specific sub-race, the Moon Elf. I had fun with this character, I completed as many modules as I could.

Then in 2015 they released the Underdark module – the first one written by R.A. Salvatore himself.

Until then, Farelya – Rey – was just a character I played in a game. Then I started writing fanfics, based on quests of the  Mage Engine campaign (tied to the Underdark one) – the longer one from a quest in particular, “A view of Menzoberranzan”, where you’ve to disguise yourself as a Lolth priestess, followed by Drizzt as your “prisoner”, and retrieve Gromph Baenre's Grimoire from a drow outpost.

Slowly, I started to add details to details. Her wicked amulet, that holds the soul of a black dragon, eager to be fed of her fears and terrors – eager to indeed consume her and wholly possess her body, destroying her soul and mind; her over-protective pseudodragon, Vulthuryol (name I chose from one of the secret dragons in Skyrim), her familiar – and details of her past, why she’s afraid of her own amulet, and why her eyes have two different colors.

I wrote 30+ pages just for THAT oneshot and I’ve yet to finish it.

But yep, I’m currently playing her adventures in the Sword Coast – and in Space now, as well (the new module is named Spelljammer. Not really my cup of tea, honestly, I prefer the classic fantasy to the science one) xD

Here we go with some background stuff, then :D Be careful, there are some gruesome parts

She was born in the Moonwood, as an only child. Magic flows in the female part of her family, indeed both her mother and grandma are sorceresses – while her father is a ranger. She started to practice very early to gain more and more control over her powers, all while occasionally wearing magic-repression cuffs to keep her wild magic at bay. She feared she may hurt others, but yet she was eager to learn.

Later in her life, she often visited Silverymoon and the libraries of the Lady’s College, at least before starting her life as an adventurer – Moon elves have a great wanderlust, after all.

She was in reverie, after a long journey, when she got kidnapped by a group of young (and crazy) Red Wizards apprentices, who had fun using her basically as guinea pig – that’s how she lost her right eye. They tried to break her. Left her to starve, drugg*d her, and pulled her eye off while she was still conscious (totally groggy due to all the alcohol they gave her to drink, obviously against her will. That’s why she doesn’t drink alcohol at all, since then. Not to mention Volo's attempt to "help" her - attempt that triggered her so badly that it resolved in his face being almost burn to crisp.)

Thanks to an amulet her master gave her years prior, she managed to (barely) escape, get found and healed by Mielikki's priests. Unknowing to her, that same necklace held the soul of a black dragon (not really a phylactery, tho) that actually could help her increasing her powers, but at the cost of little pieces of her humanity.

That’s when she got to know the creature that, later on, would become her familiar and closer confidant – a pseudodragon that she’d name Vulthuryol.

She went back to find those mages and got a (quite) gruesome revenge, taking one of the most beautiful eyes of them to replace the one she lost (the now-gold one).

Since then, Vul vigils over her reverie, allowing her to rest when she needs (this, until she got closer to Halsin).

Aaand that’s all, guys! If you want to know something more about my Moon baby, please let me know <3

[thelastspeecher]

bees-nest replied to your post: "I am MOST delighted to find that not only does the..."

Australian accents.. mermaids.. telenovela.. h20 just add water? Deep nostalgia for that show

yes!!!!! I was hoping someone would know what show I was talking about!

I also have nostalgia for it so was going to be a bit biased towards it when rewatching, but no I think it objectively holds up. as evidenced by my roommate also really enjoying watching it. I actually spent most of my work day today looking forward to coming home and putting it on.

and I've been looking into the sequel series (there's a sequel series!!!! with a MERMAN!!!!) and I'm soooooooo excited to watch the sequel series once we finish the OG series.

[nkjemisin]

Hi!

I’m currently struggling to go to sleep the night before a big solo performance for a school event, so I figured I’d ask one of my favorite authors a couple things I’ve been wondering about. (Does flattery still work on people?)

So, I believe I remember you saying something along the lines of “people ask me why I write about weird sex magic. It’s because I read Greek mythology, and it has a lot of weird sex magic.” And I’m paraphrasing that horribly, but I was wondering, what things *have* you drawn inspiration from? I’m in love with the way magic is portrayed in both the Dreamblood books and the Broken Earth trilogy (I’ve yet to read the inheritance series), and I was wondering what inspiration you had? They feel kind of different to me—dreamseed and it’s counterparts seem really rooted in the four humors and the way some older mythos have a big fuss around the seed of gods and all that fun stuff, but the magic in Broken Earth feels a lot more . . . introspective, I guess? It seems like you’ve written it to be much more focused on the individual’s own perception of it, and that influences what they can do/how they do things. And I don’t really think I’ve seen anything that leans into that angle, as far as mythos goes. (Though I really, really cannot claim to be knowledgeable in that.)

And for the second thing: do you have any tips to becoming a good reader? I can read *fast*, but I really feel like I don’t get more than just the surface and shallow ideas about the message/themes the author might intend. It always seems like people are able to come up with very introspective, in depth dissections of their favorite characters and books, and I can’t help but look at those sometimes, and go, “wow, what was *I* reading?” I guess that it might be a learned skill, but I don’t really know where to start. I guess I also wanted to ask about what themes and such you wanted to incorporate into the Broken Earth trilogy (that was my introduction to you, then Dreamblood, then the Great Cities), but that’s really just a secondary thing to this question.

Well, regardless of whether or not you answer, I just wanted to ask so I could stop thinking about it constantly. I can’t wait to jump into the Inheritance Trilogy next time I buy books.

Flattery doesn't work on me, but I do love to talk shop, so... 😄 Cutting for length:

To your first question, about the different ways I depict magic -- first, it's not just Greek mythology that I use. There are soooo many cosmologies and cosmogonies out there that show gods as rowdy, horny, petty, and basically human, just with weird magic powers on top of that. The Dreamblood books are specifically informed by ancient Egyptian mythology and culture. I did some research into ancient Egyptian medical texts -- in particular the Edwin Smith Papyrus -- so I drew from those to create Gujaareh's four dream humors. I wanted Gujaareh to feel like an ancient Egypt that might have developed if magic actually worked... and if its own version of Imhotep had been a manipulative megalomaniac who decided to start a magic-controlled theocracy. tl,dr; Ancient Egyptians had a thing for humors and surgery and gods that were into sex lettuce, so that's what I claimed for Gujaareh.

With the Inheritance Trilogy I ranged more widely in what I mooched from existing cosmologies, because I wanted to build a belief system that resembled real-world stuff but wasn't just our world's gods in costume. For example, I noticed that lots of systems suggested that existence or human genesis begins with gods banging or fighting (or both), so I came up with a creation myth chock full of gods banging and fighting. Familiar hanger, new clothes on it.

But the Broken Earth books aren't about gods. There's a mythic frame "explaining" the Seasons and past disasters and Father Earth and so on, but that wasn't the focus. I was more interested in the ways we apply myths to people, treating some marginalized groups as simultaneously superhuman and subhuman... but never simply human. Same for the Great Cities books. It's meaningful that other cultures have discovered the existence of city avatars and worked them into their cosmologies, but only as a bit of detail to make the world more complete. Again, the mythology isn't the focus there.

I can't help you on becoming a good reader, sadly, because I am a very bad reader these days. I have a lot of trouble shutting off my "inner editor voice," which is a thing that I've heard a lot of other pro authors (and editors, and reviewers) mention. People in my business spend years developing the ability to spot problems in writing... and the inner editor is what happens when you stop being able to shut that ability off. The typos, the clichés, the patches of language that could've been trimmed out, all of it just starts to glare. The thing is, all books have issues like this, and most of the time they're not even errors, just... pecadilloes. The little things that are part of reading work made by human beings. They mean the writer was tired and didn't proofread as closely as they should, or maybe the writer was waffling on word use and inadvertently ended up using one a little too much, or maybe they were having a fight with their copyeditor about spelling and missed a grammar flub. Just part of reading. But if you, like me, have an inflamed inner editor, then instead of taking in the whole picture of whatever the author is trying to show you, you get nitpicky. You get irrationally angry at typos. You hyperfocus on the author's tendency to use one word too much. (A writer friend told me I use too many "plinths," for example.) You spend time thinking about structural issues and not noticing the language, or vice versa.

But since I'm currently in self-imposed reading rehab, maybe this will help you: For me, it helps to move away from what's familiar. I read a lot of stuff outside the SFF genre, because it's easier to shut off my inner editor when I'm less familiar with the tropes, the styles, the concepts. I've also really gotten into audiobooks, for example, because when I can't see the text I can't critique it, or at least not as instantly. So that's all I can suggest. If you've developed the habit of gulping down books, find a way to throttle the flow, so to speak. Try playing audiobooks on half speed, to train yourself to patience. Read outside your comfort zone, which will force you to slow down and take things in because of the unfamiliarity. Maybe try ebooks with the text blown up a lot, so that you have to turn the page more often; I don't know, just spitballing now. Maybe folks will have better suggestions in the comments. Hope it helps!

[marcusrobertobaq]

I think's it's misleading to say that Connor didn't fight back as to not cause unneccesary problems and not because he wasn't deviant. It assumes Connor is constantly making strategic calculations about human perception when that’s simply not how CyberLife programmed him pre-deviancy. He doesn’t act out of personal restraint, he acts out of obedience.

It's how they wanted him to be and it's how they sell the image of the RK800: the perfect partner, the dude that will adapt to your psychology and use it at the master's favor. They're problem solvers, not problem starters - it's the sole reason we can be friendly and avoid issues, to make the job easier for everyone or what they consider "easier", no alarms. So yeah, Connors are constantly making strategic calculations about human perception so they can use it at 'em favor. The problem starts when said humans can become an issue impossible to avoid + an immediate threat to the mission (as a whole). But there's one interesting fact about the system: pre-deviancy Connor will do things androids shouldn't do, unnusual behaviors such as AA violations by default. Pre-deviancy Connor is also forced to adapt quickly and deal with constant frustation, which is a thing from the start, but often encouraged to put things aside and just do the job. So... they try. It slips couple of times but non-deviant Connor try remain professional and not hold "personal" issues as possible.

The game repeatedly shows that Connor follows orders unless a clear directive overrides them. When Gavin punches him in the breakroom, Connor isn’t weighing the pros and cons of throwing hands in front of witnesses. He’s simply not programmed to resist human authority in that scenario. If he were, we’d see him react defensively, at least in self-preservation. Instead, he just takes the hit and moves on. Compare this to the archive room scene, where Gavin directly obstructs his mission. The moment Connor has an objective that justifies using force, he does, he takes Gavin down without hesitation.

He's "programmed to resist human authority" in that scenario, it's the reason why Gavin punches him. He'll take the hit and move on cuz Gavin ain't a threat or a relevant variable in this case and just escalating the situation ain't worthy, it's really just the guy fucking with him - that's why Connor is sarcastic when he obeys Gavin's orders. Like i said before - problem solvers, not problem starters. What he gon do? Protect himself with his hands? Push Gavin away in self-preservation? Say "please Gavin, don't do it, i know you like when androids obey you" after already not looking for issues? Escalate the situation? Cuz Connor's do have self-preservation and it's ideal they avoid being damaged or destroyed unnecessarily, it's just not worthy escalating things with Reed in front of the entire station, he ain't even his partner or part of the "group".

The evidence room scene Connor is [1] off the case, he got no biz inside that room or inside DPD - makes sense he can throw hands with Gavin, even considering it's a sub-floor closed room, [2] Connor first tries convincing Gavin of not shooting him (yes, the gun being drawn impacts) and only defends himself while Gavin is the one attacking. In this specific scenario Gavin is a direct threat worthy attention cuz it's just impossible to just let go like in the cafeteria, where the guy was obviously "having fun". The fact Connor ain't related to the DPD anymore also helps since doesn't matter if the DPD try doing something about his behavior, he's out. He was supposed to let things go when he was assigned, now he ain't got to. Still, not-deviant Connor always tries not starting combat and using his words first (apart from the Crossroads section where u can directly choose to attack the guard, but the guy got a gun on him so makes sense).

The same logic applies to the interrogation scene. Connor intervenes because stopping the deviant from self-destructing aligns with his programmed goal. He doesn't hesitate because his mission matters more than Gavin’s orders. But in the breakroom? No mission, no need to react.

More or less. He first tries convincing Gavin that escalating the situation is unnecessary and that will fuck everything up twice, Gavin tells Connor to shut the fuck up these 2 times (iirc we can give up on the first time). Seeing Gavin and Chris were making the situation worse he physically intervenes and pulls Chris to defend the android. So, yeah, he hesitate twice before resorting to physical intervention: problem solvers, not problem starters. He didn't want to resort to that, wasn't the ideal, and he pays the price for such action, with Gavin directly pointing a gun towards him, in which Connor doesn't really "fight back" but Hank interrupts. It's likely Connor would've tried deescalating the situation, but still a decent % of Gavin actually shooting, in which Connor would have to let himself get damaged/shot cuz of the situation he's in, multiple officers inside and shit (there's a dialogue where he thanks Hank for interveining but i think it's bugged or with wrong conditionals).

"Connor was always authorized to fight back if a human became an obstacle so it’s not about ‘learning to stand up for himself." This is half-true but ignores the actual mechanics of deviancy. Yes, Connor can fight humans when his mission calls for it. but deviancy isn’t just about physical resistance. It’s about autonomy and prioritizing something beyond CyberLife’s directives. A deviant Connor might have chosen to retaliate against Gavin because he found the attack unjustified or humiliating. But pre-deviancy Connor? No personal stakes. No self-worth to protect. That’s why even if you make Connor as snarky as possible, he never actually instigates violence against a human unless it directly aligns with his mission.

It doesn't ignore the mechanics of deviancy, since deviant Connor will use the same exact tactics as non deviant Connor: talk first, no grudges. No choice? Violence. So no, a deviant Connor would've chosen to retaliate against Gavin likely cuz Gavin would be the one attacking. Gavin ain't a threat? He doesn't care, unless he's forced to care. Connors got self-worth, they just don't wanna be a fuck up and start unnecessary things all the time - both deviant and non deviant. One as a tool who wants to solve problems, the other one as a person who is his own master and wanna do things right. Sometimes it's innevitable but they try being reasonable.

Cuz if i had to consider your logic i'd have to ignore Meet Kamski's red outcome where he defends himself from Hank - and that's narrative red route, not blue one. He found Hank's hostility "unjustified" in that particular moment and acted on Hank's physical "aggression" since they were alone and he probably thought talking wouldn't help, he tried first but Hank still went to grab him. If were Gavin there's a higher % he'd let Gavin at least get real close since he ain't his partner but i ain't sure if he'd physically act, maybe yes since they're alone but the issue is Gavin would start a fight - not ideal.

By the end of Act 2 the mission "deal with the deviants" is deeply personal to Connor, no matter if red route or not. One cuz he feels like people are fucking with him (sense of betrayal and afraid he's wrong about things) and the other he feels like he ain't being enough.

But that's the problem with the game's narrative, it ain't dynamic, there's a clear blue vs red mechanic that can make things feel weird. But still non deviant Connor, since Connor deviates in Crossroads by directly disobeying Amanda.

And about the breakroom fight causing "unneccesary attention", this assumes Connor has a self-preservation instinct that he simply doesn’t have at this stage. This is the guy who walks into a hostage situation with zero concern for his own safety, casually lets Hank shove him around, and repeatedly dies just to complete his mission. You really think he’s worried about workplace politics? If Connor was truly programmed to avoid making a scene, he wouldn’t go as far as he does later in the game. He beats the shit out of Gavin in the archive room inside the precinct, in a space that’s only one door away from where officers are working. If public perception mattered, that would have been a way bigger problem. And yet, Connor doesn’t hesitate because at that point, his mission justifies the violence. So no, he doesn’t let Gavin hit him because it’s "not a wise decision" to fight back. he lets it happen because he simply isn’t programmed to see it as an obstacle.

He seems worried about workplace politics enough to try deescalating situations and being as civil and respectable as possible with the officers to not raise too many alarms, problem is some officers gonna make his life difficult. He can be the worst mf alive, but he still tries being chill for the sake of not making things worse for his job, but sometimes the frustation will be on his face. Connor doesn't really "repeatedly dies just to complete his mission", the only instance it's the case is in The Hostage, where it's an emergency for obvious reasons and there's a kid's life on the line and the world's eyes are on this event. So yes, he's there ready to sacrifice himself if he feels like he talking the deviant down is out of question.

Connors have concern for 'em safety most of the time but they'll ofc put 'em lives in danger, if they think it's worthy and unavoidable then they'll go for it, almost like a suicide, but it doesn't mean they don't care for 'em life while on mission - as observed in chapters like On the Run, Public Enemy and The Bridge. They're encouraged to not see it as a relevant thing, but practice is another different thing, even in full red routes. He ain't hard-coded programmed to not care (otherwise he'd be unable to care), he just shouldn't care as part of the conditioning trynna keep him in line. If they think they can do it without dying they'll try, but if they gotta die then they die - a bit reluctantly but embracing death. This is something that walks besides Connor until the end of the game, including the deviant path. An ideal thing would make Connor be less worried about death the more the dies, but unfortunately ain't a thing in the game.

The evidence room is locked behind 2 doors only for authorized people, the last one with password and isolated enough people won't notice major struggles unless someone leaves and warns everyone else - and Connor is aware of it. And at this point in the story Connor ain't got no biz on the DPD anymore. He could've just wrecked Gavin and killed him, but he didn't and even tried talking him down. So yes, public perception matters when CyberLife is deep in the shit, the moment he ain't bounded anymore he really ain't got to 100% but he still tries not raising alarm and not letting people see him doing shit in the middle of the station - after all he's an android. I know he can sound like a dude that doesn't care about anything but he does care (un)fortunately, and that's independent of route.

And Amanda giving Connor autnomy is only true withing the constraints of his programming. Connor does have more autonomy than the average android, but that’s because he’s built to make decisions that optimize mission success. He’s not built to express personal agency outside of that framework. Those decisions are always within a pre-approved set of options. He can choose how to approach Hank (be friendly, cold, professional) but he can’t choose to walk out on the job. He can choose to be pragmatic with the Tracis, but he can’t choose to ignore CyberLife’s orders. UNLESS he deviates. If anything, the "Connor was always fully in control" take is the oversimplification here. I get that in the machine pathway we find out that he was "programmed" to be deviant, but Connor still struggles with his decisions either way. The game goes out of its way to show us how Connor evolves over time, how deviancy isn’t just about what he does, but why he does it. Ignoring that progression just to argue that he was always the same is what’s actually flattening his character.

He was built with positive returns in mind, but in practice he can still make choices that doesn't "optimize mission success" % simply cuz they let him make the choices expecting him to prioritize the mission alone and don't forbid him in some in some stuff. But like u said, he can't just leave when Amanda's orders are to investigate the fucking case and deal with Hank. Idk where u took the "Connor was always fully in control" take from but it's also factually wrong. He he has leashes means he ain't fully in control, but doesn't mean he ain't got a brain - unfortunately he has even tho he's fighting to believe he ain't got none. If he didn't have a brain he wouldn't struggle.

Connors weren't "programmed" to be deviant.

Main objective: solve the deviancy problem before shit hits the fan, things are under control and all good. If shit hit the fan, clean the shit.

Plan B: like any other android Connors can deviate. What we do? If he deviates we use it at our favor (killing the leader like a trojan horse or taking control if he's a leader).

If Connors were "programmed" to be a deviant then we're basically saying all androids were programmed to be deviants... which is true to a degree depending on how u see things and based on what. Yes cuz a machine, in technology, can't do what they ain't designed do - if they can do it's cuz u wanted 'em to do it or let the possibility of 'em doing something open. No cuz the idea of the android is realising they're more than they've previously thought, and that ain't really instantly due to the commercial value but there's a very high % it'll eventually happen. Not sure if was Kamski's intention from start directly "programming" androids to breakthrough (older versions may or may not support this theory) but def wanted androids to be superior to humans, and that means being having a high intelligence and potentially fighting on 'em own.

Connor does evolves over time, but the person is always there. Some things don't change, others do. He was conditioned and encouraged to believe he wasn't anything - like all the other androids -, even tho we know the truth about Kamski design, they're unnecessarily intelligent, can establish themselves as individual with time, quicker than some may imagine. We can choose rejecting the idea of being our own master and remain loyal to the first purpose, or we can rebel against it and choose our own path and admit we were wrong.

(but ofc CyberLife predicted it could happen and they got 'em own interests in the situation).

It's like i say sometimes here on this site and even u mentioned: the "why" is the foundation of deviancy. Every deviant act starts with u questioning "why" of things in a world androids mustn't question... or at least shouldn't. Some androids will question but not act or try not acting, some androids will act. Having a "core" personality or way of handling things doesn't mean being flat, actually can be even interesting observing how some actions and ways things are handled are basically the same but with opposite goals. After deviancy it's your past u but still u. U may look behind and think it's an entire different thing, but deep inside some stuff still the same - it's just about thinking you're now using the same for the better. It was u before showing yourself fully, cuz showing yourself fully goes against the definition of the good machine. It was u, but just trapped on a mindset u feel like u see things clearer now, without the leashes, the 500kg of bullshit they drop on top of u just cuz you're an android made to serve.

That's why i dislike the game's lack of dynamic, cuz events shape the person, no matter if they're trynna real hard to ignore it. U don't just forget and it'll be obvious when you're trynna ignorining it - that's a complaint i got with high SI Connor + remain a machine combo cuz there's an obvious difference but the same scene, same sequences, same dialogues and same tones are used no matter SI or previous events being blue. But i guess it tells about the character, dissociation is a characteristic from start.

Summary: i think u probably also got some things i said wrongly and we're repeating the same thing in some points.

reed800 > reed900 and the mischaracterization of connor

I never understood people’s affinity for reed900 over reed800, and all the reasonings I’ve heard for it never make sense to me. Just to be clear, this post isnt meant to attack anybody who ships reed900, I’ve watched Detroit evolution alright. I fucked with it heavy. I’ve got a solid three Reed900 fics in my ao3 bookmarks. I have credentials. Don’t come for me.

Anyway, I will always prefer Connor and Gavin’s dynamic over a Nines and Gavin hypothetical one. I feel like the reason people don’t like covnin is because they often misinterpret Connor’s character, I see this amongst convin shippers too, not just people who dislike the ship. 

I keep hearing the argument that “Gavin hates Connor, and Connor doesn’t stand up for himself. Nines would be more cold, which matches Gavin’s personality.” This is probably the shittiest take I’ve ever heard. The DBH fandom tends to see Connor as meek. Because of this, they think he’s vulnerable to Gavin’s hostility, which is just not true. When we’re introduced to Gavin, he’s antagonistic towards Connor right of the bat. Connor, in order to keep the peace, remains professional. This is because initially, it’s not in Connor’s interest/programming to disobey or disrupt humans. He prefers to move along, focus on the mission and ignore unnecessary distractions. However, when Gavin persists, when the android being interrogated is about to self destruct, Connor has the choice to physically stop the officer from restraining it and he does, defying Gavin in the process as well. Connor does not care about Gavin’s human authority in this case, he only cares about what he knows to be true and sticking to his objective. 

Now you may bring up the breakroom scene in which Gavin punches Connor, Connor just seems to let it happen despite it being a direct physical attack and not just an offhand comment. I hate when people bring this up because at this time, Connor was not deviant yet. He did not develop enough consciousness/deviancy to actively choose to defend himself. Again, in order to move things along and cause the least ruckus possible, he takes it. I’ve also heard arguments that Connor “pretends” to be hurt in order to seem subservient to Gavin to make it seem like he’s not fighting back against a human. I like that theory! 

People also seem to forget that when things directly misalign with his mission, Connor is quick to go against anybody, even humans, who stand in the way. Have people forgotten what Connor did to Gavin in the archive room? He beat the living shit out of him, incapacitated him, and walked off with a final tie adjustment as if it was nothing. This is the Connor who you’re calling meek, the one who pretended to be the Traci’s dead girlfriend to get to Jericho. The one who sampled Markus’ voice to take advantage of beaten down Simon’s loyalty. The one who nagged Hank to rent Traci’s until the lieutenant humiliatedly obliged. The one who chased Kara and a child down a highway. The one who gets himself killed multiple times just to accomplish his mission. The one who sarcastically told Gavin he’d “miss their bromance.” PLEASE. 

All of this is to make a point for a romantic/sexual dynamic between Connor and Gavin that actually puts them as equals. Where we get the good ending with deviant Connor, androids having rights, Gavin being forced into sensitivity training and actually learn to see androids as people (we love the Gavin Reed Redemption tag). None of that degrading convin bullshit where Connor puts up with Gavin’s bigotry and thinks “I can fix him!” Where Gavin actually takes responsibility for his own behavior and slowly learns to change his outlook. 

Connor would not shut up to Gavin’s insults. He’d push back just as hard, sarcastic and sardonic in his own way. He’d spit some sort of off putting logical roast at Gavin to hurt his feelings, psychoanalyzing him to a T. They’d have amazing back and forth, banter fuelled with sexual tension, actual physical fights, prolonged angry eye contact, pinning down and grabbing dangerously close to certain areas. Connor beginning to warm up to Gavin’s hostility, being smart, seeing past it, knowing it’s a cover up for something more raw and vulnerable. Gavin starting to think “Maybe he’s not so bad” to “he’s funny” to “he’s pretty fucking hot” to “shit maybe I like him”. DO WE NOT SEE THE VISION!! 

anyways I need to convert more people to like convin. yeah you can make your case for reed900 but they will never have as much chemistry as convin and not nearly as much hatefuck potential. thank you for reading. 

[septembersghost]

genuine question and not at all a gotcha or anything, I'm wondering this for myself as well - if/when she splits from the rat, do we go back to normal? is the damage done? I love her and her music so much and don't want to lose that, but I'm hurt right now, so is it hypocritical to want to keep that? to keep posting her? not to sound insane but I don't know what the best choice is here.

there was a post in the sub that touched my heart about how rare it is to see huge groups of women happy and excited together, and i mention it not only because it's sweet, but because i think it's important, and also speaks to why the fandom is upset right now. we love sharing something together and having a community and an escape. we love having something connective and that resonates so deeply for us. and i think we don't want other fans, marginalized women especially, to feel shut out. it's just something to keep in mind about why her music is special to us.

you're asking valid questions for anyone who IS upset, and i don't know the answer. i don't think there is one singular answer, because we're all different and making our own decisions. some people are upset and distancing, some people are upset but still posting content (totally understandable imho because many fans love the community and supporting creators too, and that's a part of the experience. fans make the most beautiful edits/gifs here and it makes me happy to see them, so...do i take that away from myself and those people, and to what end if it doesn't really make a difference? which it doesn't. plus reblogging content isn't monetizing anything. it all comes down to personal choices and comfort levels here), and you know...we're human and nobody's perfect and most of us are trying to have fun in our cozy little online spaces. not posting doesn't necessarily affect anyone but you. is it making you sadder not to? or do you need some time away? any response there is okay.

for the record, i don't expect her to be perfect either! i personally have never demanded political stances from her, as she is a musician and celebrity, she is not an activist. i don't expect any artist (or any human) to be perfect, as i've said before, if i demanded unimpeachable behavior, i couldn't be a fan of anyone ever. no one could. i typically think we should be better at understanding flaws, forgiving mistakes when possible, and lending grace and empathy to people - to each other, to artists, and find the humanity and the good there. there are occasions where that becomes untenable. she is nowhere near that point herself. what fans are struggling with here is a specific disconnect, while the majority of criticism lands on him. it's impossible to say what we'll feel in the future. it's just raw right now.

and yeah, being concerned about this isn't activism. yeah, it's easier to be mad at a singular schmuck than it is to combat systemic oppression or social issues on a wide scale. i don't think anyone voicing an opinion here is confused about that. they're feeling an emotional response to gross actions/commentary, and that's okay to express. it's no substitute for any other action, and i don't want to say anyone is hypocritical in their approach. plenty of fans are voicing their concerns while still participating in the fandom and listening to songs and that's fine. like...at the end of the day, she's an extremely famous pop musician we enjoy who doesn't know we exist. your blog is your own. it's whatever you're comfortable with and makes you happy. whatever you want to do is the right thing, and if anyone judges you for it, that's their problem.

for my part, i'm doing my best and playing this day-by-day, the break i needed is because i'm overly sensitive, and seeing/hearing directly from other people who are hurting breaks my heart, and that took priority. i know what it's like to feel as though something dear to you has been damaged, and how you just yearn to get that comfort back, and it has stirred up some other assorted stuff for me. it doesn't mean i'm leaving. it doesn't change what she's meant to me for fifteen years or the many times she's given me joy and solace in the darkest moments. that's all still true. i know i keep saying this, but the music will always be there and its inherent meaning is unchanged. whatever is happening or might happen doesn't diminish that.

tl;dr you're not a hypocrite for loving something that has been so significant to you for so long and wanting to hold onto it.

[illiteratethekid]

I had to cataloge this. reddit post from r/offmychest

u/BigBingus1337

I (27F) have been struggling with an extremely disgusting problem for 14 years, and I need help.

nsfw

(CW)

Content warning:

Strong depiction of bodily fluids (excrement, urine)

Suicide attempts

Depression

Physical/Sexual/Emotional Abuse

Sexual discussion

Self harm

Just a lot of awful stuff

(CW)

Please be warned, this is an extremely gross, explicit, and hard to handle post. I'm not making this up. This isn't a joke. I'm in a lot of pain. I've tried a lot and I don't know what to do anymore.

I feel helpless, ashamed, disgusted, and sub-human.

It's only now after 14 years of this cycle that I've become so, *so* tired of hiding my shame that I can talk about it publicly and reach out for more help, or at least get this off my chest.

If I seem distant or use wack-ass language, it's because I've lived this way for too long to get hung up on making any of this fit "acceptable" language.

It's impossible.

I'm also well aware that this might get memed into oblivion, shared around like "look at this lmao gross", and laughed at.

I get it. I can sort of see how in a sick, fucked-up kind of way this could be funny from an outside perspective.

Comedy helps people cope, ridiculing others is a maladaptive way of comforting oneself.

What I worry about is people not reading this with empathy or a desire to understand, and would rather trash on me and reinforce the hatred I already have for myself and my behaviors.

So just fuckin... be cool.

Please.

For the past 14 years, I haven't been able to stop fingering my ass, defacating on towels/toiletpaper and urinating in bottles/towels/tp/etc.

It has caused me to live in unsanitary, isolating, shameful, and disgusting conditions.

It has cost me my health, happiness, safety, relationships, living situations, and on several occasions, it's caused me to attempt suicide.

I am scared of being somehow shamed more than I shame myself by posting this. I've sought professional help, and it hasn't worked regardless of if its my fault or the help.

About me:

I'm 27, I have a decent job, a good group of friends, recent-ish-ly single, handful of great and awful partners, etc.

I'm trans, she/her. (Please don't be weird. I struggled with this problem well before I had any inkling of gender stuff. That's not how it works)

I've been diagnosed with ADHD, ASD, and Clinical Depression.

I have taken pretty standard adhd medication for the last 8 years

I have tried 5 different SSRIs with at best, no effect, and at worst, full blown serotonin syndrome, mild psychosis, and seizures.

Over the years, I've seen 4 therapists for a couple years at a time.

All of which were actually wonderful help for understanding and coping with trauma, depression, ADHD, ASD, and sexual/physical/emotional abuse.

I haven't been able to mend this specific problem, even with their help.

The formatting of this post is really choppy mainly because it's comprised of notes I've taken on this issue in notepad++

Some of it might seem detached or "clinical" because of this.

I use these notes to help analyze the behaviors that are happening and the different emotions and motivators at play.

I have always struggled on-and-off with keeping my personal spaces clean due to whatever cocktail of adhd, depression, asd, whatever.

Trash, rotting food, disorganization, dirty bed, etc.

I'd say it would be 70% as bad as a typical "neckbeard-nest" image you would see.

Never piles so high I couldn't see or leave my space, but, certainly enough to be playing hop-scotch to get around.

Both the depression messes and the defecating problem have gone through cycles of getting slightly better, getting much worse, better again ,etc.

Potential reasons for being Motivated/compelled/habitual fingering my ass for a combination of 2 reasons:

ASD Stimming/comfort/sexual stimulation from prostate when feeling... *something*

Attempts to identify that something lead to maybe these?

- Potentially feeling bored/understimulated

- An emptiness emotionally

2. ASD Sensory issues around feeling unclean after shitting, e.g. still feeling shit inside me and disgust/frustration with how that interferes with #1?

Earliest possible memory/origin of behavior:

Exploring my body/masturbating with anal stimulation around age 12-13.

As with anyone who's done anal, "shit happens", especially when you don't know about cleaning yourself out.

I would end up coming into contact with shit, not knowing what to do, and just wiping it on toilet paper or towels.

I would hide the evidence because I was ashamed and embarrassed.

An unfortunate part of this habit is that fingering your ass causes a feeling of need to urinate.

Whenever I finger my ass, I urinate into toilet paper, a bottle, a container.

This affects my living space by making it unsanitary, extremely unpleasant, and isolating.

This leads to even more unsanitary conditions, more avoidance, procrastination, and shame.

The unsanitary conditions cause a rolling chain of dependency/vicious cycle

For example:

- An area gets gross or unpleasant (typically the bathroom first)

- That area is now more difficult to reach both physically and emotionally

- Procrastination/avoidance/shame/refusal to clean the area

- I am unable to use that area, leading to shitting and pissing in a pile elsewhere

- Causing more spread out messes

- repeat until harsh physical/social consequences or suicidality take hold

- then clean everything top to bottom and try to not get in the cycle again

I always end up back in the cycle.

The anxiety & helplessness around my struggles with this make it impossible to have anyone over

I am too ashamed to ask for help, or accept it when offered.

Friends know I'm depressed and struggle with keeping my spaces clean, but I never tell them the full story. Usually a half-truth.

I often tell my friends they can't come over because "my place is like a wreck, like unsanitary bad".

Which isn't *exactly* wrong, but isn't representative of how bad things actually are.

I feel like the 2 people in my life I've told the real, full details of this to, don't actually understand how bad it really is. They know I've had a *history* of issues with it.

I can't bring myself to tell them that its something I'm still struggling with *now*

The above is driven by shame.

I've done property damage. I've let wet piss soaked towels sit for weeks on beautiful wooden floors, bleaching them and stripping them of their varnish.

I've ruined and thrown out dozens of towels, sheets, carpets.

I've had to cut dried shit out of my own clothing or throw them away.

I've had to throw away wonderful gifts loving family and friends have given me because they were destroyed when I knocked over a months old piss bottle.

I had to steam clean my own shit stains out of carpet when moving out of an old apartment.

I remember sitting there, breaking down at seeing the damage I've caused.

I was so overwhelmed by my own disgust and hatred for my existence.

I got my handgun, put a magazine in, and put it in my mouth, and without a second of hesitation, pulled the trigger.

It sounds kinda dramatic, but I don't remember if I forgot to rack the slide on purpose or by mistake.

Somehow I'm glad I didn't, but there are many times I have regretted not doing it.

When I was in my teens my parents would discover/"catch" me living this way a couple times.

My parents did not handle finding out in a safe or loving way.

Shocker, I know.

They screamed at me that I'll lose all my housing opportunities, friends, and safety net if someone finds out.

And they aren't wrong about the consequences, but all they did was punish me, beat me, strip me of my privacy by removing my door from it's hinges, my healthy hobbies, shame me, and held no space for understanding or help.

They called it a fetish.

It was not.

However in the past year I've explored scat videos. I don't even like it. It's like a sick desperation for understanding what's wrong with me.

I've never in my 14 year history enjoyed living in my own filth.

I think my short exploration of scat as a porn category was just coping with trauma and uncertainty through a sexual lens.

Just fantasizing that I could convince myself its as simple as a fetish or desire, and because of that, it would be okay.

It's not.

It's not a fetish.

I don't enjoy this. I hate this.

This is extremely debilitating, and I don't deserve to go through this, but I can't seem to find a way to stop.

I feel deep shame and unsafety in regards to people finding out, telling them, or anyone helping because they won't understand.

It's hard to put into words how impossible it feels to break this habit.

It feels like when someone tells you the only way to get better is to "love yourself".

Like... what the fuck does that even mean? How? How can you do that if you don't value your own love? Monopoly money has more value than that.

Therapy has helped me cope with those nagging feelings for things like depression, abuse, self-worth, etc.

But changing this behavior feels as impossible as changing the laws of physics.

How do you sit with yourself, the 14th year of trying to outwit your own habits that try to kill you, remove you from society, and ruin everything you love, and say "Well this attempt it's gonna work!" and feel any sort of actual hope? Sure it's writing a fatalistic narrative for myself, and sure it sounds like I've resigned myself to this. What the fuck do I do?

The really sad thing is that I'm not the only one out there who struggles with this weird compulsive fingering and defecation issue.

A quick google search of the behavior leads to a couple forums/quora-like sites of people talking about this behavior and how they can't stop and don't know what it is.

They're desperately trying to find a reason or help. As far as I can tell, they never do.

So its like... what the hell are my chances if dozens of other people are struggling too?

I know my physical safety might concern people reading this. I'm at a point in therapy where suicide really just isn't on the menu for me anymore. I just want to assure readers that I'm not suicidal. I'm gonna keep living. I can't be certain whether or not I'll be living well.

Edit:

To all of you sending me private messages, saying this is hot, asking me to piss on them, getting turned on by this:

I hope you fucking rot. I really do.

As someone in the kink community, I don't shame others for what they like. But you REALLY think its appropriate to come into my DMs from a post where I detail a behavior that drove me to attempt suicide, and start waving your dick around?

There are no words that describe my sheer contempt for you. Rot.

To everyone else: I really appreciate the support and understanding you have provided. The responses have given me a lot to think about, and a lot of potential new paths to go down. Thank you, and I wish you the same care, kindness, and affirmation of humanity you all have provided to me.

[thefanficmonster]

Filterless

Corpse Husband x Plus-sized Reader (Female)

Warnings: Body Image Insecurities, Low self-esteem, Swearing

Genre:  Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Feeling comfortable in her skin has hardly ever been the case for Y/N who’s been struggling with body image issues all her life. However, they only get worse when she sees the ‘type’ of girls her crush is into.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request (hits close to home 😅) I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to fulfill it and post it but here it finally is and if you’ve stuck around long enough to read it, I hope you enjoy! ALSO! - Never forget how beautiful and amazing you are. Never compare your beauty to someone else’s. We’re all beautiful people and we all shine so brightly and uniquely. No one deserves to be compared to anyone when we’re all so different yet so incredible. Love you and appreciate you with all my heart, Vy ❤

If I ever need my ego taken down a few notches - it never does, it’s barely even present, to be honest - all I have to do is go on Instagram. To be honest, regardless of how I’m feeling, opening that app is bound to make my mood plummet and come crashing into the ground so hard it drives a hole in it - probably in the form of a broken heart.

Being a content creator myself, I often get asked questions about my absence on that social platform specifically. I mean, the questions are based and rational I guess, considering I’m not a faceless YouTuber and yet my Instagram account is void of any photos. It’s not like I don’t post at all - I do! I post on my story often but it’s more often than not scenery I find pretty or a poster I’ve made for a movie/video game. Bottom line is: I barely ever allow a picture of me to make it online. The most my fans are ever gonna get of me is a selfie which is also a super rare occurrence because of how long it takes me to take and choose one I don’t hate.

Ok, but how am I supposed to find the motivation to post any sort of picture of myself when on my timeline I’m always faced with people worthy of posting pictures of themselves. People with such perfect bodies and beautiful faces. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous or envious of those people - good for them! They know what they’re working with and they’re working it well. I have nothing against them, in fact, I love seeing people proud of their bodies no matter their size, shape or weight. Those are my role-models: people who are proud of themselves, their bodies, their attributes and capabilities and don’t hesitate to show them off. Those are the people I look up to but, deep down inside I know I’ll never be like.

Insecure about my body, having been referred to as ‘chubby’ and ‘squishy’ all my life. Inappreciative of the stuff I do: starting from my job as a graphic designer leading towards my job on YouTube - nothing I do, professionally or otherwise, satisfies me. Nothing I do is enough in my eyes because I feel incapable of ever being able to do enough. I’ve been called lazy and a half-asser a few too many times to be able to brush it off as a meaningless insult. 

With these problems I’ve had with myself and my own perception of who I am and the work I do, I’ve never had the time for romance or romantic relationships. I second-guess the intentions of everyone who ever shows any interest in me because in my mind I’m nothing special and I have nothing to offer - nothing attractive or likable at least. That being said, I haven’t even been one to make heart eyes at others either. I busy myself with my job and some side-gigs, brushing off any relationship questions with the excuse that I’m ‘just too busy to be in a relationship’ which is technically true.

Having spent twenty plus years with that mindset, one can imagine how surprised I was when I found myself catching feelings for someone. And that someone just couldn’t be any other than the biggest YouTube sensation at the moment - Corpse Husband.

I’m close friends with Poki - her and I were roommates at one point too - so her inviting me to play Among Us with them wasn’t so strange. One or two games, I thought, nothing unusual there, just friendly curtesy. I wasn’t expecting to warm up to the group of famous streamers nor did I expect them to welcome me among them so easily, mostly because my channel is so small and practically invisible to the YouTube algorithm. But soon enough, I became a permanent member of the team, making friends with every single one of those YouTubers I practically thought of a celebrities.

This journey of branching out to other content creators has proven itself to be surprisingly pleasant and has packed my book of friendships to the brim. All of that came unexpectedly, along with a wave of new subs and a higher view count. However, as I mentioned, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I came to finally understand what my high school friends were talking about when they were head over heels for a boy - the butterflies in the stomach whenever he speaks your name; the importance of the laugh you share with him, how special and different it is; how cool it is to be impostors with him - ok they never said that, obviously, but it’s what I have as a substitute to the ‘when the two of you make eye-contact’ bullshit since Corpse and I have never seen each other in person. That is, of course, because of him being a faceless YouTuber and me being a self-conscious and insecure girl.

We do talk all the time though - texting, calling, chilling on Discord, you name it. Our conversations range from deeply philosophical to ones that might mislead someone into thinking we’re high. There’s no topic we haven’t touched upon and yet we still manage to find something new to talk about. We have plenty of similarities but we also never seem to run out of differences we slowly come across as we keep getting to know each other better and better. 

And somewhere along that journey I ended up catching feelings.

Human nature of wanting to connect with other people, I curse you for what you’ve done to me.

You might think I’m being overdramatic about the whole ordeal and that this is just a normal, natural occurrence many people experience in their life - some even daily. Well, not only am I far from used to it, but it’s also taking a toll of a different kind on me.

It’s like a constant slap to the face. 

That slap turned into a punch when Corpse and I started following each other on Instagram and I started getting daily reminders of how out of my depth I am with this crush on him. In over my head, especially when you look at all those girls whose pics and videos he reposts on his story. Imagine how that makes me feel, what that does to me - puts me back into the ‘Constantly not good enough‘ basket, the one I’ve been fighting to get out of all my life. In the past and in different contexts I could easily say that it was all just my mind hating me intensely but now - now that I know for a fact I’m not good enough and don’t fit Corpse’s criteria - it hurts ten times as much. I’m not one to do shit for someone’s attention or to attract someone’s eyes, but it really hurts my feelings. Often times, it also leads me to doing dumb things and making rash decisions. 

Like the one I made two days ago.

Imagine me cringing and shaking my head at my own stupidity as I admit this: I, in a frenzy, ordered a whole e-girl getup with overnight delivery. 

Wait, hold up, it gets worse. 

I received it yesterday and spent the whole day regretting that decision, but then, in my most insecure hours - which was somewhere around midnight - I equipped the get-up, took a picture and posted it on my Instagram page. First full body pic I’ve ever posted on there. First pic I’ve posted there of any kind. There to stay, not to be gone in twenty four hours. First pic, and it’s not even of me. It’s of who I want to be in order to fit someone’s criteria. And that fucking stings.

As you might imagine, I’ve spent today’s day regretting that decision as well. Recently my mood’s been nothing but regretting rash decisions that have surfaced under the influence of my ridiculous, constantly-present insecurities. And I would’ve probably gotten over it rather quickly had I not received a message from Corpse that read:

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic“

I didn’t open the message, I peeped at it as it was a notification on my lock screen. It’s still there, an unread notification. It’s been two hours since I received it and I cannot think of a single thing to say in response to that. 

Truth is, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so many things right now.

I’m afraid of becoming that girl in the photo, cause I’m most definitely not her.

I’m afraid of letting Corpse down by admitting I’m not her.

I’m afraid of what my own mind has made me do because it hates me so much and I’m terrified of what it might do in the future.

I’m afraid and stranded on things to do.

You can’t be her forever, you know. Being her won’t make your insecurities go away, it’ll only make them worse. Haven’t you learned that by now?

I sigh, frustrated and irritated with myself as I grab my phone and tap on the notification, finally deciding to face the music and allow my instincts to carry me through the interaction. Improvisation, that’s one of the few things I’m good at. Let’s hope it doesn’t fail me.

I’m just about to type out my response - not sure what it’s gonna say - when I give the message Corpse has sent me a second glance.  I furrow my brows, finding there’s more to it than that peep through the notification let me see.

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic. You’re personality is so bright and colorful, I could’ve never imagined you were into the darks and blacks“

Because I’m not

I fail to realize until the message has been sent that my thoughts are exactly what I typed out and sent.

And honestly, I’m glad. It feels like I’ve spoken my truth, like I’ve lifted a huge boulder off my chest.

With that rare confidence in mind I go on and delete the picture.

In its spot, I post a picture I just now took - a mirror selfie in my homey get-up consisting of hot pink sweatpants and an oversized blue tee, my hair in a messy bun, my face free of make-up.

I caption it: ‘Oops, had the e-girl filter on for the last one. This is filterless me tho so...Hi 🥴’

A lot better, I’m surprised to hear my inner voice say. I hope I don’t get used to all this kindness on my brain’s part, probably won’t last, but damn if I don’t milk every second of it.

Just then, I receive a new message from non other than Corpse.

“Now that’s the girl I see when I think of you. She’s super cute 😉“

My, oh my, who would’ve guessed Corpse has a game like that - and by that I mean the ability to make me blush so intensely with only a text message.

Now ain’t that better than being someone else, Y/N?

It sure is, it sure is.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

[kemetic-dreams]

     IS IT BLACK OR AFRICAN OR AFRICAN AMERICAN?

HAD A RECENT RUN IN WITH AN ASIAN PATIENT OF MINE. WHO ASKED ME, AFTER I STATED MY NAME. WHAT DO I CALL YOUR PEOPLE? I HEAR SOME PEOPLE SAY BLACK, THEN AFRICAN AMERICAN,COLORED, AND SOMETHING CALLED MELANATED BEINGS?

SO THE BIG QUESTION WHAT DO WE CALL OURSELVES? I AM CONFUSED.

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND AFRICANS NEVER SPOKE ENGLISH

AFRICANS NEVER HAD A UNIFYING LANGUAGE

THE BASIS OF AFRICAN IDENTITY LET ALONE ALL IDENTITIES COMES FROM ETHNIC IDENTITY.

WHY WOULD AFRICANS BE MESMERIZED BY COLOR

REAL IDENTITIES ARE AUTONYMS, EXAMPLE AMAZULU IS A IDENTITY THAT THOSE GROUPS OF PPL WITH OUT FOREIGN INTERVENTION CAME UP WITH.

EUROPEANS NOR ASIAN CAME UP WITH THE TERM ZULU

THE TERM IFIRIYA OR AFRICA COMES FROM THE VARIOUS ETHNIC GROUPS FROM NORTH AFRICA

AFTER HANNIBAL WAS DEFEATED, SCIPIO NAMED HIS SELF AFTER THE LAND

ALSO AFRICA COMES FROM  Massey, in 1881, stated that Africa is derived from the Egyptian af-rui-ka, meaning "to turn toward the opening of the Ka." The Ka is the energetic double of every person and the "opening of the Ka" refers to a womb or birthplace. Africa would be, for the Egyptians, "the birthplace."

WHEN WE SAY WE ARE AFRICAN WE ARE STATING OUR RAICAL ORIGINS. NOT A NATIONALITY

                        IS YOUR SKIN COLOR BLACK?

NO OUR SKIN IS NOT BLACK NOR DO ALL AFRICAN LOOK ALIKE OR MYOPIC

Human skin color ranges in variety from the darkest brown to the lightest hues. An individual's skin pigmentation is the result of genetics, being the product of both of the individual's biological parents' genetic makeup, and exposure to sun. In evolution, skin pigmentation in human beings evolved by a process of natural selection primarily to regulate the amount of ultraviolet radiation penetrating the skin, controlling its biochemical effects 

Black people refers to a racialized classification of people, usually a political and a skin color-based category for specific populations with a mid to dark brown complexion. Not all Black people have dark skin; in certain countries, often in socially based systems of racial classification in the Western world, the term "Black" is used to describe persons who are perceived as dark-skinned compared to other populations. It is mostly used for people of Sub-Saharan African descent and the indigenous peoples of Oceania. Indigenous African societies do not use the term Black as a racial identity outside of influences brought by Western cultures.

For some individuals, communities and countries, "Black" is perceived as a derogatory, outdated, reductive or otherwise unrepresentative label, and as a result is neither used nor defined, especially in African countries with little to no history of colonial racial segregation. Some have commented that labeling people "Black" is erroneous as the people described as "Black" are seen by some to have a brown skin color.

WHO CAME UP WITH THE IDEA TO CALL AFRICANS BLACK

AFTER THE BACONS REBELLION, WHEN EUROPEANS AND AFRICANS HAD A REVOLT, THAT DESTROYED PLANTATIONS

It was the first rebellion in the North American colonies in which discontented frontiersmen took part (a somewhat similar uprising in Maryland involving John Coode and Josias Fendall took place shortly afterwards). The alliance between European indentured servants and Africans (many enslaved until death or freed), united by their bond-servitude, disturbed the ruling class. The ruling class responded by hardening the racial caste of slavery in an attempt to divide the two races from subsequent united uprisings with the passage of the Virginia Slave Codes of 1705.While the farmers did not succeed in their initial goal of driving the Native Americans from Virginia, the rebellion resulted in Berkeley being recalled to England.

AFTER THE LEADER OF THE REBELLION DIED LAND OWNERS, REACHED OUT TO LAW MAKERS FROM LONDON CAME OVER FOR HELP AND TO BE ADVISED

FIRST THING THEY DID WAS BAN INTER RACIAL MARRIAGES

THEN THEY DECIDED THAT AFRICANS WOULD NEVER GET OUT OF SLAVERY.

THIS IS WHEN THE TERM WHITE AND BLACK WERE DEVELOPED. BLACK MEANING YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS, AND WHITE MEANS YOU DO HAVE RIGHTS

                 SO WHEN WAS THE MAJOR CHANGE

By that time, the majority of African people in the United States were native-born, so the use of the term "African" became problematic. Though initially a source of pride, many Africans feared that the use of African as an identity would be a hindrance to their fight for full citizenship in the US. They also felt that it would give ammunition to those who were advocating repatriating black people back to Africa. In 1835, black leaders called upon Black Americans to remove the title of "African" from their institutions and replace it with "Negro" or "Colored American". A few institutions chose to keep their historic names, such as the African Methodist Episcopal Church. African Americans popularly used the terms "Negro" or "colored" for themselves until the late 1960s.

In 1988, the civil rights leader Jesse Jackson urged Americans to use instead the term "African American" because it had a historical cultural base and was a construction similar to terms used by European descendants, such as German American, Italian American, etc. Since then, African American and black have often had parallel status. However, controversy continues over which if any of the two terms is more appropriate. Maulana Karenga argues that the term African-American is more appropriate because it accurately articulates their geographical and historical origin.

Others have argued that "black" is a better term because "African" suggests foreignness, although Black Americans helped found the United States. Still others believe that the term black is inaccurate because African Americans have a variety of skin tones. Some surveys suggest that the majority of Black Americans have no preference for "African American" or "Black",although they have a slight preference for "black" in personal settings and "African American" in more formal settings

The United States is weird on labeling people. At one point all Europeans were not considered white, ironically at the same time Asians were considered to be white. They say white and black are skin colors, but at what point do we call Asians a myopic color. According to the United States Census, because I have North African ancestry, I am considered to be white.

                                        Are Mexicans white?

The official racial status of Mexican Americans has varied throughout American history. From 1850 to 1920, the U.S. Census form did not distinguish between whites and Mexican Americans. In 1930, the U.S. Census form asked for "color or race," and census enumerators were instructed to write W for white and Mex for Mexican. In 1940 and 1950, the census reverted its decision and made Mexicans be classified as white again and thus the instructions were to "Report white (W) for Mexicans unless they were definitely of full Indigenous Indian or other non-white races (such as Black or Asian)."

.

During periods in U.S. history when racial intermarriage wasn't legally acknowledged, and when Mexicans and Mexican-Americans were uniformly allotted white status, they were legally allowed to intermarry with what today are termed non-Hispanic whites, unlike Blacks and Asians. They were allowed to acquire U.S. citizenship upon arrival; served in all-white units during World War II; could vote and hold elected office in places such as Texas, especially San Antonio; ran the state politics and constituted most of the elite of New Mexico since colonial times; and went to segregated white schools in Central Texas and Los Angeles. Additionally, Asians were barred from marrying Mexican Americans because Mexicans were legally white.

U.S. nativists in the late 1920s and 1930s (mostly due to the socially xenophobic and economic climate of the Great Depression) tried to put a halt to Mexican immigration by having Mexicans (and Mexican Americans) declared non-white, by virtue of their Indian heritage. After 70 years of being in the United States and having been bestowed white status by the U.S. government this was the first time the United States began to show true racist attitudes towards Mexicans in America something that usually came quickly to people of other races. They based their strategy on a 1924 law that barred entry to immigrants who were ineligible for citizenship, and at that point, only blacks and whites, and not Asians or Native Americans, could naturalize and become U.S. citizens. The test case came in December 1935, when a Buffalo, N.Y., judge rejected Jalisco native Timoteo Andrade's application for citizenship on the grounds that he was a "Mexican Indian." Had it not been for the intervention of the Mexican and American governments, who forced a second hearing, this precedent could very well have made many Mexicans, the majority of whom are mestizo, ineligible for citizenship. When mixed race Mexicans were allowed to retain their white status in American society they were unperturbed with the fact that the United States still continued its discriminatory practices towards Mexicans of full Indigenous heritage.

During the Great Depression, Mexicans were largely considered non-white. As many as 400,000 Mexicans and Mexican Americans were deported in a decade-long effort by the government called the Mexican Repatriation.

In the 2000 U.S census, around half of all persons of Mexican or Mexican American origin in the U.S. checked white to register their race (in addition to stating their Mexican national origin).Mexican Americans are the largest white Hispanic group in the United States.

The idea of color is a European colonial disease not an African one.

African is a racial origins term

Saying your Jamaican,Nigerian,Ethiopian,Canadian,Mexican, or Brazilian are Nations/Nationality

Saying Amhara, Sicilian, Irish, Yoruba, Zulu, or Han are examples of Ethnicities 

African American is not an ethnic group but clusters of different ethnics from Africa in the Americas.

Black is nothing more than a class system designed by Europeans

Just because your born in Germany doesn’t change your race.

When do Asian people stop being racially Asian just because they moved to a different nation

So, why does this happens to Europeans or Africans

There is no such things as a black language, skin color, or names or even a black or nation called black

[lustbile]

Hunt

Vampire! TaeyongxReader

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: dom!taeyong, sub!reader. oral, biting, blood and slight cnc and degradation

Requested

Nct Masterlists

Multi group Masterlist

—

—

—

Your breathing is shallow and your eyes flutter open and closed as the cold of the room wraps around your almost naked body. The cool cement of the floor and the metal of the handcuffs that hold your hands tightly behind your back bites into your skin. All you can do is lay there, stuck in your own thoughts and shifting your legs around, as the seconds tick by slowly as you await the inevitable.

It’s not the first time you’ve found yourself in this position, your entire body laid flat on the floor of some random room, your shoulders aching from the weird angle the handcuffs force on you. Your entire body is bare aside from a thin pair of underwear.

Of course the first time it happened you panicked. You almost even got to the point of hyperventilating, but thankfully the first time he was more conscious of the shock you’d be experiencing.

But after it happened a few times, and you had learned just how well nights like this would end, you had come to learn just how nice it is to wake up alone in a dark room.

It was somewhere between 20 minutes to an hour when you heard the first hint of movement around you, the heel of his shoe scuffing against the cement of the floor so far into the dark you couldn’t even make out his silhouette.

“Taeyong?” you call out in a curious tone as if it could be anyone else in the world. The lack of response wasn’t surprising, but you just call out again using the same broken tone that you know makes whatever that pumps through his cold dead veins burn.

—

Taeyong seemed like just a sweet and normal guy when you first met him, and even now you’d argue that he truly is, and he just has his quirks.

You didn’t consider the time of night that you met him, you were out partying late into the night anyways so you just assumed he was doing the same. And he was just so cute, his soft smile and his dark eyes made your heart thud in your chest, and the way he grinned at you when this happened just made you think that it was probably fate.

Yeah you thought it was a bit weird when your dates only happened after the sun had disappeared, but you wrote it off as him being a night owl similarly to yourself. That was also the excuse you gave when your friend casually mentioned how he always looked a bit washed out and sickly. ‘Dude I just don’t think he gets a lot of sun,’ you had argued, and you weren’t technically wrong.

And he was such a gentleman, and so attentive and kind, that you were more than willing to just ignore his unusual characteristics, but the sex didn’t hurt when it came to you keeping him around.

His stamina was something you’ve never experienced in your life. His strong fingers always ready to explore your skin and his greedy mouth always following close behind. He had given you the strongest orgasm you’d ever had the first time his touched you, and seemed to one up himself every single time after.

You almost wished you were more shocked when he told you. His shaking hands and darting eyes made you nervous as all hell when he said he had something to tell you so many nights ago, but when the confession that he had died decades before finally left his trembling lips, it was like a huge weight lifted from your shoulders.

He almost seemed more shocked than you when you finally responded to his confession, a quiet sigh and a promise that him not being fully human didn’t change your attraction to him causing him to gawk and ask you more than a few times if you were absolutely sure. And after you shut him up with your mouth pressing against his and trailing down until it was wrapped around his length, he finally believed that you were in for the long run.

Your ready acceptance for something that always plagued the way he lived, was probably what made it easier for him to confess to you something else that was odd about him. And thankfully for him, you were just as willing to accept this new curve ball.

He liked the feeling of a hunt.

It wasn’t something he was actively proud of, he knew it was something animalistic and deep down inside him that developed sometime after the bite that turned him. His need to find prey to survive crossing with his hunger for a companion and sexual release, and giving him this clawed animal that lived in his gut and made him salivate the first time he saw you.

The way your heart fluttered and your eyes widened, he could hear the sweet blood rushing through your veins and it made his brain wild. You could barely believe that that was the way he had seen you when you first met considering how charming he was, but he swore that that night was the exact moment that he learned he needed you in his life and between his teeth no matter what.

He never gave specifics of what he wanted to do to you, you had developed enough of a trust within him that you didn’t feel like you needed the details. This fact only made him moon over you even more, as the element of surprise and shock would only get him more excited.

So yes the first time he did it, you were shocked, and until he revealed he was the one behind it you would admit you were more than a bit scared. But now that it's become a more regular thing, the only thing that made your heart slam against your chest was the anticipation for what he was going to do to you.

—

You called out his name one last time before he reacted.

The quiet ‘shhh’ he lets out from his spot in the corner of the room is the only thing he needs to do to make your muscles relax. Your shoulders sink to the floor and you begin to kick your feet behind you as you try to get ready for the real fun of the night to begin.

The heels of his shoes drag against the floor as he gets closer, the way you lay flat stopping you from seeing face as he walks up to you from behind. The only indication you get that he’s coming anywhere near you is the silence of the room that amplifies every minute sound he makes.

“Look at what trouble you’ve gotten yourself into,” his tone is nothing but taunting as he starts to circle your body, his cold words and how small he makes you feel as his eyes rake down your back makes you tremble against the cold floor and let out a small huff of air.

“Pretty thing like you should have never gotten involved with a monster like me huh baby?”

You can hear the slight ting of sincerity in his voice when he speaks, but the idea of consoling him and telling him he’s wrong is completely wiped from your mind at the next thing he does.

He’s stood between your still twitching legs when he finishes speaking, the term of endearment that he calls you so naturally is punctuated with him pressing his foot firmly on the space between your thighs, the tip of his perfectly shined shoe pressing into the dampened spot on your underwear and pulling a desperate whine from your lips.

“Crumble at any slight touch I give you, no wonder you keep running back to me,” he only presses harder as he speaks, pushing the front sole of the shoe up and down to cause just enough pleasure and small bites of pain that you start to tremble and pant.

He loves the way you start to break from just the smallest things right in front of his hungry eyes, but it’s when he notices you pushing back against his shoe and your fingers frantically curling and uncurling where they’re pressed against your lower back does he feel just the smallest spark of sympathy.

“Don’t even care that you’re so powerless in an empty room do you? As long as you get even the smallest amount of attention that’s all you’re worried about?”

He gives one last harsh push against your warm, sensitive skin, reveling in the cry you let out, before he slowly sinks down onto his knees behind you.

“Look at you, you poor sweet thing,” his cold hands wrap around both of your shaking thighs, his slender fingers digging into the skin strong enough to make the bruises that make his mouth water bloom.

The low temperature of his fingers and palms and the scratching of his bitten nails as they trail up your thighs and over the curve of your ass makes a shiver run up your spine, and the way he grabs onto your jittering hips to harshly tug you closer to him makes you gasp.

His lips are chapped and his tongue is soft when they land on the space between your shoulder blades, and your shoulders shift up towards your ears to the best of their ability with your hands still trapped together. It’s with the feeling of his saliva dripping on your bare skin and his elongated canines scraping against you as he moves down the curve of your spine, do you find your voice again.

“Please,” it’s soft and broken when it leaves your lips, the only word your muddled mind can conjure in the moment, the devilish smile he suppresses against your tailbone being a weak push for you to continue, “touch me, use me.”

“Dirty thing, I’ve ruined your mind haven’t I?” he sounds nothing but proud of himself when he speaks, any shame of the situation finally melting from his mind at the way you so easily settle into the personas he’s created.

You let out a quiet sigh of relief when you feel his lips mouthing at the skin of your hip as he pulls the band of your underwear between his teeth, the angle finally allowing you to grab onto a handful of his hair, just enough contact to his form to pacify you for the time being.

He’s not in control of the small growl he lets out as his sharp teeth begin to poke through the flimsy fabric, nor is he in control of the much louder growl that rips from him when he starts to shred it until it falls limply away from your body.

The room feels many degrees cooler now that you lay fully bare in front of him, aside from the few scraps of fabric that desperately hold to your skin as they became dampened from his saliva. You’re now capable of feeling just how excited you’ve become from the series of events when you shift your legs, though your movements are limited as he still holds onto you tightly.

“If there’s one thing I like tasting more than your blood,” he sounds dreamy as he mutters to himself with his eyes locked between your thighs, your body shifting and a grumbling whine following as you feel embarrassment flood your system, but he only laughs meanly in response.

His hands return to your thighs, and his thumbs move to pull at your skin to open you more for his greedy eyes. He takes a moment of appreciation, he always does when you’re like this, your body his favorite sight to lose himself to as he sees you as nothing but an otherworldly creature laid out in front of him like a meal.

There’s no verbal warning, only a shifting sound from his clothes as he leans closer and his tongue is dipping into you. The strength of the muscle always throws you off, and this time is no different. The way it pushes and moves against the nerves inside you has you gasping for the cold dry air around you, and your brow furrows above your tightly closed eyes.

Your thighs tremble as the sparks of pleasure makes you rise onto your knees just slightly, his relentless mouth following your motions as another animalistic growl vibrates against your skin. You can’t even process the discomfort you feel as your face presses more into the floor below you, as he takes advantage of his tongue slipping from you to flatten it against you and curling the tip of it to dig into your swelling clit.

The sounds that spill from your lips only return to you as the bounce off the walls of the hallow room, Taeyong happily swimming in the sounds of your pleasure as he drinks from you like he hadn’t had a single sip of water in the dozens of decades he’s lived.

He knows when you’ve begun to chew at your bottom lip, a fact that’s only vaguely disappointing as it muffles your sounds, but he finds the silver lining almost immediately as the pleasure he inflicts on you causes you to bite down hard enough to draw blood.

The moment the smell of the metallic liquid hits his nostrils, he feels himself losing the grip he has on his self control. The amount that bleeds from the minuscule cuts is so small, but even with his face buried between your thighs he can smell it so strongly as if he’s walked into a blood bank. Just the memory of the taste of it dancing on the back of his tongue makes him feel as if he is suddenly starving, and before he can even think, he’s pulling your clit between his lips and sucking harshly.

He moves with your erratic hips as if he can read the mind you’ve lost control of the moment he touched you, his tongue and teeth a level of unrelenting that has tears welling up in your rolling eyes.

Your hands fold into tight fists at the feeling of a promised orgasm biting at your lower belly, your arms flexing and shaking enough that he’s surprised you don’t build enough strength to break the handcuffs where they connect.

He only laughs at your weakening body as your lower legs start to kick out, your tightly curls toes bumping into his ribs as you release your lip and cry out into the room. He knows you’ve started to come, the way your body starts to slump in his hands and your hands begin to grasp at air again lets him know he’s gotten you in his favorite state of delirious pleasure and he has no interest in letting up.

He feeds off your yelps and cries almost similarly to the way he would your blood as he returns to lapping at your skin, soft hums of appreciation rattling his hollow chest as the taste of your orgasm coats his tongue.

He takes the moment of you being distracted by the overstimulation you receive from his tongue to work at his belt with one hand. His nibble fingers are perfectly capable of helping him multitask, as he uses his other hand to tangle with your bound hands and hold you against his tongue as your body tries to curl away.

You foolishly huff out in relief when he moves away from you and sits up, your knees shifting again as you try to make yourself more comfortable with your legs that have been reduced to jelly. You even let your back dip and stretch as his hands trail up your sides and his thumbs dig into your spine, but you only get a few stolen seconds of relief before your breath is knocked from you again.

You’re thankful for how sloppy he can be when he works you over with his tongue, the amounts of spit and come he leaves behind on and in you becoming a blessing when suddenly pushing into you with one sharp thrust. The way you stretch around him and the length of him so sudden that it almost feels like he’s splitting you in two.

The groan you let out is gravely from the way your throat was torn from the sounds you made before, and you lose any control you have as your eyes flutter and roll in your skull.

You’re flat on your stomach again, the slow but harsh thrusts he begins to subject you to wracking your nerves with so much pleasure you want nothing more than to simply melt into it. The only motions your body makes is the natural rocking from his hips and your muscles twitching and spasming with a mind of their own.

He leans into you, a laugh that borders on evil licking at your ears as he drinks in the way you look like a limp and pretty rag doll beneath him, the way you whimper and moan and the feeling fluttering around him being the only response you can give to the way he pushes into you.

“Poor thing, did I wear you out already?” under any other circumstances, you would have scoffed at how cocky he sounded when he spoke, the lack of exhaustion in his voice feeling almost like a slap to the face, but you’re pulled from your wallowing in self pity when one of his hands wraps roughly around your neck and tugs until your scrambling to lean against his chest, “you’re lucky I like doing all the work.”

It’s almost shameful the gasp of giddy relief you let out when you feel the softness of his belly on your fingertips through the button down he wears, the feeling of his physical form pushing against neglected hands overwhelming regardless of how minimal it is.

You're pulled from your innocent feelings of relief abruptly when you feel his other hand begin to move as well. His hips continue to bump and move against you unrelentlessly, and his roaming fingers finally land on your still buzzing clit with ease.

He pushes between your thighs seemingly unaffected by the way you subconsciously hold them closed, the calloused pads of his middle and ring finger rolling against the bundle of nerves at such a rhythmic pace you can’t help but feel as if he’s playing you like an instrument.

His breath feels like ice as he pants into your ear, his teeth playfully nipping at the shell and your lobe every few thrusts making you jump and shiver. You few light headed and even a little loopy as he squeezes at the sides of your neck to play with the blood flow your brain receives, and even though you’re aware that in reality you sit in a small empty building in a location that is completely secret to you, you feel like you float in heaven in his arms.

You feel the tears that dance along your waterline finally become too heavy, and when he angles his hips to push into the one spot that makes stars dance behind your eyes, they stream down your cheeks and leave your skin stained.

You move without question when his thumb presses against your jaw, your face turning to face him with a dopey smile filling your face when you see his familiar face for the first time of the night. The smile falling into your jaw hanging softly open when his tongue presses under the curve of your jaw bone and moving up until it flicks at the space the socket of your eye dips, the salty taste of your tears making him hum in a way that makes you feel dirty and loved.

He doesn’t remove his mouth from your skin, but rather starts to plant slick kisses starting at the high point of your cheekbone and moving down until your head tilts away from him and he’s mouthing at the skin that protects your thudding jugular.

You already feel so dizzily close to a second orgasm from how many forms of stimulation he assaults your body with, that the knowledge of what he’s only seconds away from doing has your heart slamming against your chest.

You know he can hear it, just as much as he can smell your hot blood as it runs through the veins that burn beneath your skin, and all it does is push him closer to his finish as well. He scolds himself for all those nights he’s begged the universe for a cure for what he is, or at least even a represent that would give him more self control, because in moments like this with you, he can’t feel anything but an animalistic pride and pleasure coursing through his dead veins.

He swears the roots of his canines burn as they sink into your neck without any resistance, you skin all but opening itself to his razor like teeth and relinquishing your source of life.

It’s a chain reaction, it is every time he’s bitten you like this. The sharp pain and burning that shoot across your neck and his amazing ability to keep fucking you through such an intense moment finally pushes you over the edge, silent screams scratching at your throat and forcing you to completely depend on the hold he still has on your neck.

And the way you curve against him, your walls fluttering and squeezing against him as you come and your clingy hands grabbing at the fabric of his clothes, is almost enough to get him to his finish. But it’s the taste of your blood, the gushing deep red spreading across his tongue and slipping down into his belly, feeding him and his orgasm at once.

He can’t stop his hips from moving as he fills you up, and his fingers are just as bad when it comes to carrying you through the blinding finish. Regardless of his colder body, you always feel warm and pliable against him, his groans and wet noises he makes against your neck feeding you almost as much as you feed him.

There’s a few more harsh twitches, your body using the last of its energy to feel every second of your orgasm, before you both melt into the others form with labored breaths. His teeth moving away from the skin they’ve damaged, and his soft tongue lapping at the skin and wounds until the bleeding stops.

It’s a still quiet as he pulls out of you and starts rearranging your worn form. Your skin screams in relief when the handcuffs are the first things to go, your hands unsurprisingly moving immediately to touch some form of his skin. Next his lips catch yours in a loving kiss, a feeling he knows you miss more than anything in moments like this, and he can’t help but the warm feeling he gets when you happily moan at the taste of your own body on his tongue, a intoxicating combination of your orgasm, tears, and blood weirdly tasting like home on his tongue.

In your obsession with his lips and tongue, he’s stood slowly, using his strength to bring your wobbly limbs and body with him. A hum of concern rumbling in his chest against you when you squeak at the slight pain.

“I’ve bruised you all up my little peach,” he speaks in a new tone that makes him feel like a completely different man in front of you, and you can’t help but curl around him and melt into the loving attention, “and you’re much too pretty to be in a dirty place like this, let’s get you home my little doll.”

[cienie-isengardu]

Lin Kuei: Art

RELIGION <> ORIGINS / ARCHITECTURE <> FOOD <> FOR THE LIN KUEI <> ART <> CRYOMANCERS <> LIN KUEI SOCIETY <> MONEY & MATERIAL GOODS

The continuation of the morgianesffs-blog’s list of questions about Lin Kuei. For the formalities, the original questions:

What do you think the Lin Kuei's view on artistic culture (probably not the right word) is? I know they are heavily militaristic,  but in the game,  Kuai Liang offers Hanzo tea and he properly prepares it the Japanese way, that says they have something of an education other than just related to fighting?

In contrast to religion as a belief in gods that Lin Kuei seems to constantly reject for ages, I think broadly understood art plays a more vital role in their culture. 

Sadly, there is little direct source material in that regard - named Lin Kuei warriors rarely let themselves “waste time” to straightway talk about beauty of handmade artifacts or poems or music or other stuff fitting the definition of art. But as history proves time after time, art is an inseparable part of human existence and militaristic societies aren’t different in that regard from the peaceful ones. As far as games and some old material sources  are concerned, Lin Kuei isn’t exception. Their aesthetics, symbolism and emotional value hidden between may not be eligible to outsiders but the amount of beautiful yet with no practical role decorations seen outside and inside Temple or well-crafted weapons and armors strongly suggest that Lin Kuei respected craft.

Frankly, martial arts and art (music, calligraphy, armorsmith, weaponsmith) have this in common: to achieve a satisfactory level of mastery, talent alone is not enough. Both require discipline, years of training and striving for perfection. What fits well into Lin Kue philosophy. 

Mortal Kombat novel (1995) stated:

[Lin Kuei] would kidnap children when they were five or six and raise them in secret caves or woods to become superb athletes, great scholars, and unparalleled fighters, able to use all weapons and to improvise arms from common objects such as paper rolled to a knife-point or sand packed into a sock. They would train the children, boys and girls both, to be masters of many trades: carpenters, fishermen, priests, and even beggars, so they could blend in and make themselves useful in different towns as they traveled on missions for their lords.

This passage strongly implies comprehensive education, also in professions requiring creative/manual abilities (carpenters) or specific knowledge that may include familiarity of (religious?) art and philosophy. There is no way to tell how the education of adepts looks in modern time, but considering how well versed the warriors are in technology (C.I. project) chemistry (Cyrax’s bombs), anatomy (all brutalities & fatalities) or language (in Alternative Timeline English is not the native language of any(?) named Lin Kuei) we can assume it still covers a wide range of specializations. Making (practicing) art is related to creativity and manual skills, so it could be part of said education. 

Another important role that art most likely plays is building and maintaining the common identity of Lin Kuei warriors. Because of that the interior of the Temple is decorated with a clan sign,

which also appears on their armor and weapons and even tattooed on their body (at least in MK Conquest TV series)

and, like was shown in Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of Realms, the main(?) hall is decorated with statues of warriors. One looks like Sub-Zero,

although I doubt that it is a sculpture created in honor of the fallen Bi-Han. Unless it was created so quickly, I think it could be images of the clan's founders, or images of historically important warriors, or even an anthropomorphic representation of the elements (like ice) on which the clan's power was built.

Even if the warriors themselves were not involved in crafts, the Lin Kuei had skilled craftsmen equipping them with the necessary items.

There is also an aspect of sheer aesthetics that brings psychological comfort. Something that was definitely useful to warriors who lived under a lot of pressure. The beauty of rich ornaments and spacious architecture create a safe space to meditate or relax after difficult missions or close-to-death experiences. Likewise, art could be a safe (or at least safer) way to express themselves or deal with emotional trauma, in otherwise very strict society that can not stand weakness.

Interestingly, in additional sources like game cosmetics or win poses, Kuai Liang shows creative tendencies. For examples, his ice clones have various shapes even though there is no practical use of them in win pose:

Then we have the variety of his arsenal. As a cryomancer, Kuai Liang depends mainly on his ice power to create weapons. He can use anything at hand, freeze it solid and smash, slash or stab the opponent. To kill or injure an enemy, Sub-Zero does not need a sophisticated tool yet many of his MK11!axes have additional ornaments or more defined shape than it is really necessary:

All of the mentioned examples and the not discussed detailed ornaments on Sub Zero’s armors or even his style of speech (that may be influenced by some literature considering Jacqui’s accusation of “borrowing that line”) strongly suggests to me that Lin Kuei in general appreciates broadly understood art, especially the handicraft such as armorsmith or weaponsmith. This may also be one of factors why some warriors like Kuai Liang look down on technology and especially guns, a weapon mass produced and with no finesse.

As for the tea ceremony, by no means I’m familiar enough with Asian culture to say it for sure, but it didn’t look like Japanese brewing style to me. That and I highly doubt Kuai Liang would dare to do so in front of hot-headed, distrusting Hanzo who could easily read that gesture as Lin Kuei once again mocking him and his clan. Knowing how Sub-Zero wanted to make peace, I don’t think he would have taken such a careless step. Beside that observation, it is another example how well-versed and educated Kuai Liang is, even in matters that don’t have any military use.

In summary, I personally believe that art plays a vital role in Lin Kuei society. It helps in creating and unifying their warrior identity and pride in long-lived clan traditions, brings emotional comfort when needed and gives a way to express themselves (the fighter’s individuality) in safer, subtler ways. Even if warriors don’t craft weapons or armors themselves, there are specialized groups of people who provide them with the best quality craftsmanship. Because of course Lin Kuei demands and respect the perfection.

[cyncerity]

I don't have any specific questions, but can we hear more about Ranboo in the dad's troubles au?

Yes!! I wanted to talk more about this au anyway!

also if I’ve said any of this in a previous post it’s because it’s been a while since I’ve looked at the posts for this au sorry

Ok so Ranboo has some memory issues (what did you expect), so he doesn’t go out for supplies as much as Tommy does. He doesn’t remember Karl or Sapnap’s routines at all (remember that the allium duo still lives in the fiancé’s apartment). So Ranboo mostly does lookout, hiding himself behind something that can be knocked over in case a human comes in, creating a distraction for them and an auditory hint for Tommy to get the fuck out of there.

Ranboo also still doesn’t like Tubbo’s dads. Quackity for obvious reasons that ifkyk, and if you don’t just know it has to do with v*re, and Schlatt because he’s just really tall and gives off a “make one wrong step and I’ll fucking kill you” vibe to anyone that doesn’t know him.

That becomes more of a problem when he starts hanging out in Schlatt’s apartment more, but he starts to at least give Schlatt a chance after he sees how hard he’s trying to make him feel at home in his apartment. Not Quackity, tho. He will not under any circumstance talk to Quackity, that man still scares the hell out of him. Quackity gets that and keeps his distance.

Ranboo also has a weird mix of borrower genes because he has normal circular irises and a thicker tail than Tubbo or Tommy has, meaning that his generation of borrowers mainly stayed at bases and built tunnels, furniture, stairs (basically whatever their bases needed), and occasionally defended homes, which is what Ranboo likes to do anyways (this doesn’t mean he’s good at it, he’s not a great carpenter, please look back to the gaming chair video for proof) so his genes fit him fine (they also kind of make him the tank of the group, since his genetics make him a bit harder to hurt). The only trait that he’s not supposed to have is his long elf-ish ears, which usually belong to hunter borrowers. (this goes back to what I once mentioned about there being sub-species of borrowers with different traits to fit different jobs, but borrowers obviously didn’t limit who they had kids with based on their job traits so they got all jumbled up over generations).