#and the recovery is all about them slowly learning to let go | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

d1stalker · 8 months ago

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Undercover Flames II [Logan Howlett]

Summary: You may have been rescued, but the enemy is still out there, and it’s going to take way more than just a direct assault to get them to talk. Your plan, however, does nothing to calm Logan’s nerves.

PART TWO OF TWO (part one here)

Warnings: canon-level violence, brief argument

WC: 7.2K - MASTERLIST

----

You wake up to the warmth of Logan’s body pressed against yours, the rise and fall of his chest soothing in its steady rhythm. The light is soft, filtering through the curtains and for a moment, you allow yourself to stay still, savouring the peace of this rare, tranquil morning. Logan’s arm is draped protectively over your waist, his hand resting against your stomach, fingers splayed out as if to keep you anchored to him.

As you turn in his embrace, Logan stirs, his hold on you tightening instinctively before he lets out a soft, sleepy grunt.

“Morning,” he mumbles, his voice still heavy with sleep.

“Morning,” you reply, a smile tugging at your lips as you watch him slowly blink his eyes open. His gaze is soft, warm in a way that’s reserved only for these quiet moments between you.

It has been just over four months since you were rescued from the clutches of the anti-mutant organization, and in that time, you’ve made remarkable strides in your recovery. The nightmares that once haunted you relentlessly have become few and far between, no longer a nagging constant at the back of your mind. Your body, once battered and bruised, has healed with time and care. After three weeks of rest, you cautiously returned to training—starting slow, attentive to not reopen old wounds or strain muscles that were still mending. You’ve not only regained your strength but it almost appears like you’ve surpassed it, driven by a fierce determination to never feel that powerless again.

Last month marked a significant milestone: your first assignment back. The instructions were straightforward—an investigation into a drug dealer whose clients had been mysteriously dying within days of their transactions. It wasn’t the most complex of tasks, but it was a crucial step in regaining your confidence in the field. Logan, of course, wasn’t thrilled about you heading out so soon. You could see the worry in his eyes, the way his jaw clenched when the assignment was discussed. However, true to his word, he stepped back, allowing you the space to do what you needed to do. He trusted you to handle it, even if every protective instinct in him was screaming to stay close.

But his companionship was never lost on you. His actions speak volumes—over the years of knowing each other, he’s learned to read you in ways that no one else can, picking up on the smallest details that others might overlook. And now that you’re lovers, he finally allows himself to show you just how much he’s always noticed, how deeply he’s cared all along.

He’s always a step ahead of you, anticipating your needs before you even realize them yourself. Whether it’s tossing you a water bottle after a grueling training session, offering you his jacket when he notices the temperature drop, or silently placing a hand on your back to steady you when you’re about to lose your balance—Logan is there, solid and dependable.

His support is in the small, almost indiscernible touches. You’ve noticed that he’ll lightly brush his fingers against your hand when he senses you’re anxious, he’ll place a hand on your shoulder when you’re deep in thought, the warmth of his touch a silent reminder that you’re not alone. And when you’re seated beside each other, his thigh will always be connected with yours.

Seeing this side of Logan, the side that he rarely shows to anyone, has deepened your love for him to a level you never thought possible. You’ve always cared for him—admired his strength, his loyalty, and his unyielding determination—but now, as he allows himself to be vulnerable with you, to let down the walls he’s built up over so many years, you find yourself falling for him all over again, deeper and deeper.

You’ve never felt so seen, so understood, it’s as if Logan has tuned into every part of who you are, cherishing even the smallest details. Knowing that he trusts you enough to show this side of himself, to let you in past his barriers fills you with a gratitude that words can hardly express. You feel honoured, and so incredibly lucky to be the one who gets to see the real him—the one who’s gentle, thoughtful, and so much more than the tough exterior he shows the world.

Logan’s hand slides up your side, breaking you from your haze, his thumb brushing over your ribs with tenderness

“How’re you feeling?”

“Amazing,” you say, and it’s the truth. Everything Logan has done for you, both before and after the incident, has helped you become stronger—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. “Thanks to you.”

He grunts, a sound that would seem dismissive to anyone else, but you’ve learned to hear the subtleties in it—the satisfaction, the pride that he tries to keep hidden. He pulls you closer, his lips brushing the side of your forehead in a gesture that’s more comforting than words could ever be. “Just doing my job,” he huffs.

“Sure,” you tease, your fingers tracing the strong lines of his jaw, feeling the familiar roughness of his stubble beneath your touch. “But not everyone’s job description includes being my personal heater.”

Logan chuckles, his tongue darts out, wetting his bottom lip. “Guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should,” you say, your smile widening as you lean in, your lips pressing against his in a soft, lingering kiss.

When you pull back, Logan’s eyes are filled with that familiar mix of longing and reluctance, the same look he’s given you every morning since the rescue. It’s a look that makes your chest ache because you know what it means. He wants to protect you, to keep you safe from the world outside this room, but he knows he can’t always do that. Even though he’s managed to back off and let you do your own thing, you know deep down that he would rather stick by your side every second of the day. He’s holding onto you like he’s afraid you’ll slip away, like the world outside is too dangerous to face without you by his side.

You’re about to say something to ease the tension you can see building in his expression when the X-Men communicator on the nightstand beeps, breaking the peaceful silence.

Logan’s expression darkens instantly, the moment of calm shattered as reality crashes back in. He reaches over, grabbing the device with a resigned sigh. The message on the screen is brief, something you’ve seen hundreds of times, but still manages to make all the muscles in your body seize—a meeting in the war room in an hour.

“Duty calls,” you murmur.

“Yeah,” he replies, his tone gruff as he sets the communicator down with more force than necessary. “Always does.”

There’s a heavy pause between you, both of you acutely aware of what’s coming, what you’ll have to face. You know its time to focus back on you and Logan’s original mission—the anti-mutant group. The thought of it sends a shiver down your spine, but before you can dwell on it too long, Logan turns to you, his hand reaching out to gingerly cup your face, his thumb running over your cheek.

“I just wish… we could hang up the suits, ya know?” he says, “Be selfish for once. Just you and me, somewhere far away from all this crap.”

His words break through the tough shell he usually hides behind. You catch the look in his eyes—the yearning for a life without the constant fights, without the endless dangers. It’s a life you’ve both fantasized about in fleeting moments, but one that always seems just out of reach.

“Logan,” you whisper, bringing one of your hands to rest atop of his—the one on your cheek. “That’s not who you are. You joined the our team because you wanted to help people, to make a difference. That’s who you are—a protector. You’d never be happy just sitting on the sidelines, not when you know there’s still work to be done.”

He released a long breath, his gaze moving to where your hands are connected. “Yeah, I know, darlin’. But sometimes… I just wish we could be together without threats hanging over our heads. Without havin’ to fight every damn day.”

It breaks your heart to know that the life he wants—the peace he craves—is something you can’t give him, not yet.

You move closer, placing a soothing kiss on the tip of his nose, a gesture that’s meant to comfort both of you. “I wish that too,” you admit. “More than anything.”

He looks at you for a long moment, searching your eyes for something—reassurance, hope, maybe just the strength to keep going. Finally, he nods, the tension in his jaw easing slightly as he leans into your touch, his forehead resting against yours.

“I know I’ve said this before but… I just can’t go through that again,” he says, voice husky and intimate, referring to the time when you were taken and tortured. The memory of those days still haunts him, a shadow that lingers even in the light of your recovery.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore ,” you promise, “We’ll win this time.”

He doesn’t argue, doesn’t push back. Instead, he pulls you into his arms, holding you close as if he can shield you from all the dangers that lie ahead. And for this moment, you let him, burying your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the familiar scent of him as you cling to the warmth and safety of his embrace.

–

The war room feels like it's vibrating with the unspoken tautness that hangs in the air, the usual hum of quiet conversations replaced by an almost suffocating silence. The X-Men gather around the large, circular table, all eyes drawn to the holographic map that flickers to life at the center, casting a bluish glow over the faces of the team.

Scott stands at the head of the table. His visor hides the full intensity of his gaze, but the way his jaw is set, and the tension in his posture reveals enough. There’s no need for words to convey the stakes—everyone knows that what they do next could be the turning point in their ongoing battle against the anti-mutant organization that has been a thorn in their side for far too long.

“We’ve finally got an update on the organization’s movements,” he announces, “It’s taken longer than we’d hoped, and we’ve lost precious time because they’ve gone to ground. Their losses during our rescue mission were significant, but that only means they’re going to be even more cautious from here on out.”

As he speaks, the holographic map shifts, transforming into a detailed 3D model of a remote, mountainous region far from any major city. The terrain is rugged, the kind of place where someone could easily disappear if they didn’t want to be found. The map zooms in, highlighting the location where the organization has apparently relocated—another isolated, heavily fortified compound, this time nestled within the mountains.

Jean, standing just to the right of Scott, steps forward to add her insights.

“They’ve moved their operations here,” she says, “From what we’ve gathered, this new location is far more secure. They’ve enhanced their security protocols significantly. They’re not going to let another attack happen easily, especially after the damage we inflicted last time.”

The hologram continues to shift, revealing more details about the new facility: the reinforced walls, the watchtowers equipped with advanced surveillance, the array of weaponry designed to repel even the most determined assault. It’s clear that the organization has learned from their mistakes—they’ve gone underground, and they’ve fortified their defenses to the point where any attempt to breach them would require more than just brute force.

The room remains silent. Your team has faced insurmountable odds before, but this is different. This is a challenge that requires more than just strength; it demands strategy, cunning, and the kind of precision that doesn’t leave room for error.

Scott lets the silence linger for a moment, before continuing. “We’re dealing with a highly secure facility,” his voice cuts through the quiet. “And they know we’re coming. We need to be smart about our next move. No plan isn’t an option; it’s suicide.”

Flickering of the 3D model casts an eerie glow in the room as his words hang in the air. Jean, who has been studying the map intently, speaks up again. “We need to take down the leaders without giving them a chance to regroup or escape. If we can isolate them from their security forces and cut off their communication, we’ll have them cornered.”

Hank nods in agreement. “Their reliance on advanced technology is both their strength and their weakness.”

“We could use the terrain to our advantage, I could create natural disaster—an avalanche, perhaps—that forces them to redirect their resources,” Ororo suggests from her place, “While they’re dealing with that, a small, covert team could infiltrate the compound and take whoever’s directing by surprise.”

Scott considers this, his mind running through the logistics. “It’s risky, but it could work. We’ll need to divide our forces. Here’s the plan: Ororo, just like last time, you’ll create the distraction—a controlled avalanche to draw their attention and forces away from the main compound. Hank, you’ll work on disabling their communications and security systems. ”

He pauses. “And knowing you, you’ll be able to breach their data system and gather all their information, right?”

Hank smirks, “you didn’t even need to ask.”

Scott turns his gaze to you next, “You, Jean, and Logan will then enter with the primary objective of finding the leaders.”

As he speaks, a thought strikes you—something that could turn the tide even more decisively in your favor. You step forward.

“Instead of all three of us focusing on infiltration, I think we should split our efforts. Jean and Logan can act as a distraction on the interior—draw attention away from the main targets—while I go in as a spy. I can locate the leaders, snuff them out, and corner them before they even realize what’s happening.”

Scott tilts his head slightly, considering your suggestion. The rest of the team turns to you, their expressions ranging from curiosity to concern. But it’s Logan’s gaze that whips toward you with immediate sharpness, his protective instincts on high alert.

“You’re suggesting we divide our forces even more?” Scott asks cautiously, like he needs you to confirm what you had just said. “Jean and Logan as a diversion, while you go in alone?”

You nod, meeting his gaze with confidence. “Exactly. With Jean’s telepathy and Logan’s… well, Logan’s everything, they can create enough chaos on the interior to keep the guards and security forces occupied,” you state, “Meanwhile, I’ll move undetected through the compound. I can locate the leaders’ exact position and contain them before they have a chance to escape or call for help.”

“It makes sense,” Hank pipes up, “If Logan and Jean draw the attention of the security forces, you can slip through the cracks while they’re preoccupied, get to the leaders, and cut the head off the snake.”

Before anyone else can chime in, Logan steps forward, his features furrowed. “No,” he says flatly, his voice like a growl. “I don’t like the idea of you going in alone—it’s too risky. We can’t have a repeat of what happened last time.”

You meet his eyes, understanding his concern, but you remain resolute. “I know it’s risky, but it’s the best way to ensure we get the leaders without triggering a full-scale assault.”

“Best way? Or the most dangerous way?” he shoots back, and you can feel his frustration growing. “You’re talking about going in there alone, with no backup. If something goes wrong, we might not get to you in time.”

“That’s why we have the distraction,” you counter, “You and Jean will keep the guards occupied, and I’ll move quickly. It’s our best shot.”

He bites down hard, the muscles in his neck straining as he struggles to keep his temper under control. “Damn it, this isn’t about taking shots, it’s about keeping you safe!” His voice rises slightly, “You don’t need to do this alone. We can find another way.”

“I’m not doing it alone,” you reassure, “I’ll have the team behind me, just like always. You know as well as I do that if we all go in together, it’ll be a bloodbath. This is the only way to avoid that.”

“And what happens if you get caught? What happens if they see through the distraction? You think I can just stand back and watch while you put yourself in the line of fire? If you get taken again…” he can barely finish his sentence as all of his fears seem to flash before his eyes.

“Logan, you’re not hearing me,” you insist, stepping closer to him. “This isn’t about me wanting to take unnecessary risks. It’s about making sure the mission succeeds. If we don’t do this right, it’s not just me—it’s all of us, all mutants, at risk.”

The room is silent, the rest of the team watching the exchange with bated breath, knowing it’s not their place to step in. They look on with concern, eyes flicking between you and Logan.

Logan shakes his head. “I can’t lose you again, darlin’. I just… I need you to be safe.”

“I know, Logan,” you respond. “But this isn’t just about you or me. It’s about stopping these people once and for all. I need to do this. We need to do this.”

His gaze drops to the floor for a moment, as if searching for the words he wants to say. When he looks back up at you, you can see the conflict in his eyes, begging you to take it back.

“Just promise me… promise me you’ll be careful. No heroics, no unnecessary risks. You find them, and you tell us. Immediately.”

“I promise,” you say, your voice sincere. “I’ll be careful. I’ll find them, and then we’ll take them down.”

Logan holds your gaze for a long moment, the tension between you slowly easing but not entirely dissipating. Finally, he nods, though his face remains tight with worry. “Alright. But I’m not letting you out of my sight once we’re in. As soon as you notify, I’ll be right there.”

Scott clears his throat, bringing the conversation back to the task at hand. “Then it’s settled,” he says, his voice a little gruffer than usual, as if he, too, felt the weight of the argument.

The team begins to disperse to finalize preparations, but Logan lingers, pulling you aside for a moment of privacy. His hand finds yours.

“I know you can handle this, but you gotta understand—I can’t lose you again, darlin’. So, whatever happens in there, you keep your head down and remember we’ve got your back.”

You look up at him, seeing the layers of emotion in his eyes—fear, anger, love, and a deep, almost desperate need to protect you. It both breaks your heart and strengthens your resolve. “I know, Logan,” you reply, squeezing his hand in return. “I’m not planning on being a hero. I just want to—need to—do my part to end this.”

He releases a shaky breath, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation. Finding none, he nods slowly, reluctantly. “Alright. Let’s get this done.”

—-

Nestled deep within the uneven mountain range, strategically positioned on a plateau that overlooks the surrounding valleys, is the organizations base. The avalanche Ororo summoned looms threateningly, large bursts of snow and ice whipping through the valley, creating the perfect cover for your operation. Wind whistles through the land, followed by the rumble of mountains that shakes the very ground beneath your feet.

The distraction is in full effect.

Before you left the Blackbird, Logan pulled you aside. He didn’t waste time with words, instead leaning in to capture your lips in a kiss that was both loving and fierce. It was a reminder of everything he felt, everything he wanted to say but couldn’t find the words for in the heat of the moment.

And when he pulled back, his gaze swapping over you, like he was seeking to memorize every detail.

“Remember, I’ll be right with you as soon as you say the words”

Now, you’re crouched near a narrow ledge beside a small door, eyes scanning the base of the mountain where the compound’s defenses are now focused on the disaster outside. Logan and Jean are already inside, their presence wreaking havoc within, diverting the guards’ attention away from you. Every so often, you could hear distant sounds of conflict—the telltale shink of Logan’s claws, and the panicked shouts of guards trying to coordinate their defenses as he ripped through them.

You slip inside, lowering the trap door behind you as the sound of the storm fades into the distance. The passage is dark and cramped, the air thick with the scent of earth and stone. Each movement you make is deliberate and careful to avoid making noise. You’re able to find a somewhat agreeable position on your hands and knees, beginning the descent through the passage as it slopes downward, leading you deeper into the mountain and closer to your target.

After what feels like an eternity, the route widens, and you find yourself at the entrance to a narrow corridor. Pausing, you listen intently for any signs of movement, but all you hear is the mechanics behind the facility’s generators, muffled by the layers of rock and metal that surround you. The halls are freakishly quiet, the guards either drawn away by the avalanche or dispatched to Logan and Jean. Your breathing stays steady, your senses heightened as you navigate the twists and turns of the labyrinthine interior.

You’re close now, so close you can you can hear the muffled voices of the leaders on the other side, in the room where they’re all holed up, their tones laced with fear and frustration. Your heart pounds in your chest as you approach the final corner, every nerve ending on edge as you prepare to make your move.

But as you round the corner, you freeze in your place—there’s a guard standing just outside the door to the leaders’ room. He hasn’t seen you yet, but it’s only a matter of seconds before he does. His hand is already reaching for the radio on his belt, about to call in an alert.

You have no time to think, only to act. With a burst of speed, you lunge forward, slamming your hand over his mouth just as he begins to open it to shout. His eyes widen in shock, and he immediately starts to struggle, his body twisting as he tries to break free from your grip.

Unfortunatley, you knew from the moment you saw the him that using your powers wasn’t an option. The hallway is dark and narrow, the only illumination coming from faint emergency lights far down the corridor. If you were to use your cosmic abilities, the glow alone would give you away, casting unnatural light in a place that should be cloaked in shadows. Who know’s what threats that would attract?

Every instinct in you screams to unleash your energy, to end the fight quickly and decisively, but the risk is too great. One wrong move, one flash of light or sound that doesn’t belong, and the entire mission could be compromised. The element of surprise is your greatest advantage right now, and you can’t afford to lose it.

That’s why you have to do this the hard way—silently, and with nothing but your own strength and wits. It’s a gamble, but it’s the only way to ensure you reach the leaders undetected, without alerting every remaining guard in the compound to your presence.

The guard’s elbow connects with your ribs, knocking the breath from your lungs, but you don’t let go. You tighten your grip, your other hand grabbing his wrist to prevent him from drawing his weapon. He thrashes violently, his strength surprising as he drives his knee into your stomach, nearly doubling you over with the force of the blow.

Pain radiates through your abdomen, but you grit your teeth and hold on, knowing that if he gets free, it would all be over. You push back with all your strength, slamming him into the wall with a sickening thud. His head snaps back, dazed, but he’s not down yet.

He recovers quickly, his free hand darting toward your face in a desperate attempt to claw at your eyes. You twist your head just in time, feeling his nails graze your cheek as you shift your weight, using the momentum to drive your knee into his thigh. Letting out a muffled grunt against your hand, he swivels his body again, this time managing to get one arm free. Before you can react, his fist slams into your side. You stagger, your grip slipping for just a fraction of a second—long enough for him to start reaching for the radio again.

Panic surges through you as you realize he’s about to call for help. Desperation drives you and with a burst of adrenaline, you bring your elbow up, smashing it into the side of his head. The blow is hard enough to daze him, and you use the opening to drive him back against the wall again, harder this time.

He slumps slightly, but you know you can’t let up. You release your grip on his wrist and, with a quick movement, drive your hand into the pressure point just below his ear. His eyes widen in shock, his body going rigid for a brief moment before his legs give out beneath him. You catch him as he falls, easing him to the ground as quietly as you can.

Your heart is pounding, your breath coming in harsh, ragged gasps as you crouch beside the unconscious guard. The silence of the hallway is deafening in the aftermath of the struggle, your pulse thundering in your ears. You take a moment to steady yourself, forcing your breathing to slow as you check the hallway for any sign of other guards. It’s still clear—for now.

You glance down at the guard, making sure he’s truly out cold before dragging him into a shadowed corner, out of sight from anyone who might happen to pass by. You press a hand to your side, wincing as you feel the dull ache where he landed that brutal punch. But there’s no time to dwell on the pain—you’re too close to your target to stop now.

With the guard taken care of, you turn your attention back to the room, adjusting your stance and running through the plan in your mind. There’s no mask, no barrier to hide your identity. The men in that room will know who you are—or at least, they’ll think they do. At the gala, you were Mrs. Daniels, the woman they believed was just another wealthy socialite. But tonight, they’ll learn the truth.

“I’m at the target,” you whisper into the comms, keeping your voice low. “Moving in now.”

With one final glance down the corridor to ensure there is no one else following your tracks, you slither through the door, moving like a shadow into the room. The old men are gathered around a large table, their expressions ranging from fear to fury as they argue in low, heated tones. Papers and maps are strewn across the table, evidence of their frantic attempts to come up with a plan as the everything falls apart around them.

They don’t notice you at first, too absorbed in their dispute to realize they’re no longer alone. You take advantage of their distraction, positioning yourself in the shadows near the door.

“What do you mean we’ve lost contact with the guard tower?” one of them hisses, his face pale and sweat-slicked. “This place is supposed to be impenetrable!”

“We should never have moved to this location,” another snaps, his hands trembling as he clutches the edge of the table. “We’re sitting ducks here!”

You let them bicker for a moment longer, taking in the layout of the room and assessing the situation. The leaders are cornered, with no visible exits other than the door you came through.

They’ve completely exposed themselves to you, and they don’t even realize it yet.

Finally you step forward, your presence announced by the soft rustle of your clothing as you emerge from the shadows, and the effect is immediate—every head snaps in your direction, eyes widening in shock as they take in the sight of you standing there.

The man who was speaking freezes mid-sentence, his eyes narrowing as he takes a closer look at you. Recognition dawns on his face, followed quickly by fear. “You… You’re the woman from the gala,” he stammers, his voice shaking. “Mrs. Daniels?”

You give him a cold, measured look, the corner of your mouth twitching into a faint smile. “Not exactly,” you answer, “But I’m glad you remember me.”

Without warning, you raise your hands, cosmic energy flaring to life around your fingers, shimmering with an ethereal glow. You begin shape the energy into chains, each one snaking through the air and wrapping around the men, binding them to their seats. They struggle, but the chains are unbreakable, pinning them in place with a force that leaves no room for escape. It’s almost satisfying, seeing these men in chains, so helpless—reminds you of when you were in the exact same position, in the dark, cold, cell of the island.

One of the men lets out a strangled cry, his eyes wide with terror. “Please! Don’t hurt us! We—we can negotiate!”

You step closer, your eyes cold as you survey the scene. “Negotiate? You think you have anything to bargain with?” you demand, knowing they won’t be able to answer. “You’ve done enough damage. Now it’s time to face the consequences.”

Just as you finish speaking, the door bursts open, and Logan strides in, Hank, who had managed to enter the compound after downloading all the data, following close behind. Logan’s eyes immediately zero in on the men and his expression shifts from that of concern to a furious glare.

“You’re lucky it was her who got here first,” the mutant seethes, “She spared you.”

The men cower in their seats, trembling visibly under the weight of Logan’s unrelenting gaze as he stalks toward them with a predatory grace. His presence fills the room, seeping into every corner, suffocating any hope they had of escape. With each step he takes, slow and deliberate, the air thickens, his movements calculated to instill fear in their very bones. His claws, unsheathed and glinting ominously in the dim light, are slick with fresh blood, and as he takes in the sight before him, his eyes narrow with cold, lethal intent, the silence punctuated only by the sound of their labored breaths, ragged with terror.

“If it were up to me, you’d be begging for mercy right about now.”

Hank, who had been watching from behind with a calculating expression, steps in. He places a hand on Logan’s shoulder, “Logan, we need them to talk.”

Logan doesn’t move at first, his eyes locked onto the quivering man in front of him. Ultimately, he narrows his eyes, pulling his claws back ever so slightly, though his posture remains alert and intense.

“They better start talking, then.”

Contrasting Logan’s blatant display of fury, Hank steps forward collectedly. His voice is even, almost clinical, as he addresses the leaders. “We have all the information we need—every file, every document. Your entire operation is in our hands. You have two choices: confess everything in a public conference, or we leak it all. The world will know what you’ve done, and you’ll be hunted down by more than just us.”

The man you recognize as the stocky one from the gala, perhaps emboldened by Hank’s more measured approach, tries to regain some semblance of control. He splutters, “You can’t do this… We’ll—”

But before he can finish, Logan is on him in a flash, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him forward until they’re nose to nose. The corners of your mouth flip upwards while the man lets out a strangled gasp, his eyes wide with terror.

“You don’t get to tell us what we can or can’t do. You’ve already lost, old man. Now it’s just a matter of how much pain you’re going to be in when this is over.”

Instantly, the stocky man loses all bravado, his face draining of colour is response to Logan’s aggression. His mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, but no sound comes out. He’s utterly terrified, and rightfully so. The other groupies, seeing their comrade’s terror, exchange nervous glances. They’ve been completely outmaneuvered, and now they’re at the mercy of those they’ve wronged.

“They’ll confess,” you decide for them, stepping forward, gaining control over the situation. You deactivate the cosmic chains binding the men, though the energy still crackles ominously around your hands, a reminder of the power you wield. “Because they know what’s waiting for them if they don’t.”

Logan gives you a nod, his gaze softening slightly as he looks at you. There’s a flicker of pride in his eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the strength you’ve shown. “Good work, darlin’,” he muses.

You return his words with a small smile, feeling a wave of relief wash over you now that the worst is over.

“Let’s get them out of here.”

You, Logan, and Hank quickly work together to secure the leaders, ensuring they’re ready for transport back to the Blackbird. They’re too shaken to resist, their egos completely shattered. The sounds of battle outside have quieted—the rest of the team has done their job well.

Once inside the jet, Logan pulls you into a close embrace, his arms wrapping around your waist as he tucks his head into the crook of your neck. The warmth of his body against yours should be comforting, but as he tightens his hold, a sharp pain flares up in your side where the guard had landed a solid kick earlier.

You can’t help the wince that escapes you, the pain lingering and making it hard to fully relax in his hold. Logan immediately pulls back, concern flashing in his eyes as they search yours. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice low but edged with worry. “Are you hurt?”

You shake your head slightly, “I’m fine,” you say, but the way Logan’s eyes narrow tells you he’s not buying it.

He doesn’t say anything else, just waits, his gaze steady and insistent. Finally, you sigh, knowing there’s no point in hiding it from him. “I ran into a guard right outside the room,” you admit, glancing down briefly before meeting his eyes again. “He was about to call for backup, and I had to take him out quietly. It got… a little rough.”

His expression darkens, his jaw clenching as he processes what you said. “I should track that bastard down and make him regret ever laying a hand on you.”

Despite the seriousness of his tone, there’s a warmth in his words that makes your heart swell. You reach out, placing a hand on his chest. “I handled it, Logan. It was just a fight, and I won.”

He grunts, though the anger in his eyes doesn’t entirely fade. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy making him pay for it.”

You give him a small, reassuring smile. “Well, you can save that energy for when we get these guys to talk.”

Logan nods, his expression becoming serious once more as he looks toward the secured leaders, who are being watched by the rest of the team. “They’ll talk,” he says, his voice carrying a promise of retribution.

“And if they don’t… well, we’ll make sure they wish they had.”

—-

Turns out, getting people to admit their crimes when threatened with their lives is easier than you thought. The men, who at one point, seemed so arrogant and untouchable, crumbled like a house of cards under the pressure. Faced with the undeniable evidence the X-Men had gathered and the very real threat of exposure, they agreed to hold a public conference, where they would confess to everything.

The world watched in shock as these well-known figureheads divulged their involvement in anti-mutant activities, including kidnapping, torture, and illegal experimentation. The fallout was immediate and severe—governments and law enforcement agencies across the globe moved swiftly to dismantle the remnants of their organization or any ties they had to its leaders, and within days, the men found themselves behind bars, stripped of their power and influence.

For the first time in months, you feel a sense of peace settling into your bones. The constant weight of fear, the dread that had plagued you since your capture, begins to lift. You’re finally able to breathe again, knowing that the people who hurt you, who threatened everything you cared about, are rotting in a cell, where they belong.

—

It’s late evening at the X-Mansion, and you find yourself in the kitchen, the comforting whir of the refrigerator and the soft clinking of dishes the only sounds breaking the quiet. Logan is there too, leaning next to you against the counter with a beer in hand. He’s out of his combat gear now, dressed in his usual casual attire—a worn flannel shirt and jeans, still stunning in the rugged simplicity of his appearance.

“You know,” you say, glancing at him with a playful smile as you pour yourself a glass of water, “I never took you for the beer-in-the-kitchen type. Always thought you’d be more of a ‘brooding with whiskey in the dark’ kind of guy.”

He smirks, taking a long sip from his bottle before responding. “Depends on the night,” he replies with a wink. “Sometimes I like to mix things up, keep you on your toes.”

You roll your eyes, setting your glass down on the counter as you lean in a little closer. “Is that so? Well, I’ve got to admit, seeing you all domestic in here is kind of nice. Who knew the Wolverine had a soft spot for late-night kitchen hangouts?”

Logan chuckles, his eyes crinkling at the corners in that way that makes your heart skip a beat. “What can I say, sweetheart? Can’t have you thinking I’m all claws and no charm.”

“Oh, so you’re charming now?” you tease, reaching out to poke him playfully in the chest. “I must’ve missed that memo.”

Settings his beer down, Logan captures your hand in his and pulls you closer, his voice dropping to that thick, throaty tone that shoots right down to your core. “You know better than anyone that I’ve got plenty of charm. You just keep pretending not to notice.”

You laugh softly, shaking your head as close the distance, resting your head against his chest. “Maybe I like keeping you on your toes too.”

He wraps his arms around you, holding you close, and for a moment, everything feels perfect—just the two of you, in the quiet of the kitchen, with nothing hanging over your heads. No missions, no threats, just peace.

Just like he had wished for.

“You know,” Logan starts after a long stretch of comfortable silence, “you’re a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for.”

You tilt your head back to look up at him, raising an eyebrow. “Says the guy who can heal from pretty much anything.”

He gives you a small, affectionate smile, his thumbs rubbing comforting circles along your waist. “I’m serious. What you went through… what we just did… not everyone could come out of that as strong as you have.”

“It helps to have someone like you around,” you admit softly. “I don’t think I could’ve done it without you.”

A tender look crosses his face, and he leans down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead. “You did more than just survive, darlin’. You fought back, and you won. Don’t ever forget that.”

The moment is interrupted when the kitchen door swings open, and Ororo walks in, pausing mid-step when she sees the two of you wrapped up in each other. Her eyebrows shoot up, a knowing smile spreading across her face.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” Ororo teases, her tone light and playful. “Logan, I never expected you to be such a romantic. You’ve been holding out on us.”

Logan doesn’t miss a beat, his response immediate and full of that rough-edged warmth that you’ve come to love so much.

“Only for her.”

Ororo’s smile widens, and she gives you a wink before heading to the fridge, grabbing an apple and turning back to the door. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it, then. Just remember to keep it PG in the kitchen.”

You can’t help but laugh, the sound bright and unburdened as you bury your face in Logan’s chest, feeling the deep rumble of his own laughter vibrating against you. The sound is rich, a low and genuine noise that fills the space between you with fondness and affection.

“PG, huh?” you murmur into his shirt, your voice laced with amusement. “Guess that means we’re in trouble.”

“Don’t worry, darlin’. I’m always on my best behavior,” he smirks

“That’s a lie, and we both know it.”

He chuckles, his hand coming up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Maybe. But I can be when it counts.”

You shake your head, grinning as you playfully swat his chest. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Logan captures your hand again, his grip warm and firm, his gaze softening as he looks at you. “You’ve already seen it,” he says huskily, “But if you need more convincing…”

You laugh, reaching your free hand to the back of his head, pulling him down into a passionate kiss, his mouth warm against yours, the taste of beer clouding your senses.

“You’re a good man, Logan,” you get out in between kisses, “And I’m glad you’re mine.”

Logan’s eyes gleam, and he pulls you impossibly closer, his arms wrapping around you in a protective embrace. “I’m glad you’re mine too, darlin’.”

Later, when he finishes his beer and sets the empty bottle on the counter, he turns back to you, his expression content. “Ready to call it a night?”

You nod, feeling the pleasant weight of exhaustion beginning to settle in. “Yeah, I think so. But only if you promise to keep up this charming act tomorrow.”

Logan grins, taking your hand as you both head toward the door.

“Just for you, darlin’. Just for you.”

-------

A/N: thank you everyone for all the reblogs, comments, and notes i've received on this blog these last few days, i can't believe it's growing to fast!

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purplecoffee13 · 8 months ago

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NFWMB - part 1

Summary: “Harry is a retired boxer who owns a gym and teaches self-defense classes. He considers himself a strong man, but when a gorgeous innocent woman attends a try-out class, she manages to leave him weak in the knees…”

Wc: 4.3k

Tropes: boxer!Harry x innocent!reader

Warnings: mentions of violence and SA

A/N: hello everyone! This is my new series NFWMB, named after one of Hozier’s most horny songs😄. I am so incredibly excited for this series omg it’s gonna be so good!!! If you don’t believe me, go listen to NFWMB and you’ll get a vague idea of what’s coming ;)

P.S. header = pov change

General Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Harry Styles was not one for regrets.

His life may not have turned the way he expected it to, but he was still proud of where he had come.

Being a professional boxer was a risky job, and Harry had known that when he had decided that it was going to be his career. But there was no other logical option. Harry was an exceptional boxer who was able to go pro at age 18, where he defeated a lot of men who were older and bigger than him.

It was his passion, it always had been. Which was something that was quite remarkable, especially to his closer family members, because Harry was anything but a violent person in his day to day life. He was quite reserved, and managed his temper very well. The years in the boxing ring did harden him quite a bit, his reserved nature developing into something more akin to stoicism.

Nevertheless, Harry loved boxing. It wasn't so much a fight to him, but more of a puzzle. Each opponent had its own made up riddle, and it was up to Harry to solve it as quick as possible. Much like a dance you learn the steps to along the way. A perfect combination of intuitive technique.

He hadn't planned on having to retire at the age of 27 already. It was supposed to be his peak; it had been for almost all boxers in history, and he was looking forward to how far he would be able to push his body during his prime.

He never got the opportunity to get an answer to those questions. A car accident got in the way.

He wouldn't have been able to stop it, he knew that, and he had forbidden himself from thinking about what could've happened had he not taken that specific road back home that horrible night. There was nothing he could do about it now, so there was no point in dwelling on it.

After a year of recovery, he was slowly able to get back into the rhythm of his old life again. Well, except for the boxing part. Knowing that his career in that field was over, he began thinking about some other options of his, and decided on fulfilling another dream of his: opening a gym.

He had always wanted to do it, but he always imagined to be retired by the time he would start on that.

Now, two years later, his gym was already in multiple locations, but Harry was still working at the first one he opened. He would visit the other ones every once in a while to see how everything was going, but he was mainly at the one nearest to his house. It was special to him, the place where it all started.

Despite running the place, and therefore not needing to be on location all the time, Harry was at the gym 24/7. He wasn't a personal trainer—wasn't really his style—but he would help people and teach self defense classes to women.

Every Thursday between 6 and 9, he would teach groups of ten women everything they needed to know on defending themselves from whatever threat they may run into. It was one of the things he was proudest of; the turn out at those classes. That these women put their trust in him, and let him help them become even tougher than they already were.

Tonight, after teaching the last group, Harry had gone to the bar with some of his friends. One of them was Sophie, a woman he had become friends with since she'd joined his self defense class. She was a great person with an impeccable sense of humor, and Harry was glad he had introduced her to Greg, his best friend. They were basically made for each other.

Harry had to admit that he envied his friend for the relationship he had. He was happy for them, but sometimes couldn't help but think that his lack of a partner was this one puzzle piece that would make his life even better. All in good time, he reminded himself.

"Hey," Sophie caught Harry's attention when she waved her hand in front of his face. His gaze shot to hers, eyebrows raised. "So, I was talking about your self defense class today at work. You know, promoting your business and all."

Harry chuckled at the cocky tone in which Sophie told her story, chin up high. He mumble a soft 'thanks', to which she grinned.

"You're welcome. Anyways, I have this new colleague and she seemed so intrigued by it, but she was too insecure about joining. I mean— she didn't outright say that, but I could just tell." She huffed, Greg rubbing her back. Sophie was a very happy person in general and wanted the best for everyone, this new colleague of hers included. Harry had the same habit, it's why he immediately suggested:

"Why don't you invite her along next week? A free try-out."

"But your try-out classes aren't for another two weeks." Sophie noted.

It was true. The self defense classes had become very popular, and since Harry taught them himself, he had scheduled one night of try-out classes a month. He was only able to take on so many people, but he didn't mind making this exception.

"She can join your regular class." Harry shrugged, and Sophie's eyes beamed with excitement.

"Thank you Harry!" She squealed happily, giving Greg a hug to channel her enthusiasm. "Oh, I hope she'll come along!"

"I'm sure she will." Harry assured her with a smile, and took another sip from his beer.

Y/N had never been one for risks.

She had never been the type of person to take the leap of faith, relying more on familiar feeling of security. Why risk hurting yourself when you could be safe and content?

It was the logic she had always operated with, the logic she had been taught from a very young age. Y/N had had a sheltered upbringing. Her parents wanted her and her little brother to be as safe as possible, and that was just fine to Y/N.

Her little brother was the more feisty one of the two, and his childhood consisted of a lot of fighting. It hurt Y/N to see the people she loved so much be so angry all the time, and it only motivated her to be as good as possible. She never drank, smoked, or went to parties. She turned in her homework early and got an A on almost every test. It did put a strain on her relationship with her brother, especially since Y/N's behavior would be used as ammunition towards him.

They still didn't talk all too much, but Y/N hoped that one day, she could repair that relationship again.

Moving a few towns away was a big deal for her parents, but the wonderful job she had gotten as a secretary at quite a prestigious law firm had made it all worth it. They helped her with moving into her apartment, but Y/N would regularly visit them on both weekdays and on the weekends. All in all, she'd had a safe, comfortable, content life.

Until a few months ago.

It was a Friday night, and Y/N had agreed to a date. One of the lawyers at the firm, Oscar, had been flirting with her ever since she started working there. Not wanting to be impolite, Y/N never outright rejected him, and so the flirting continued. She was a bit uncomfortable about it — especially since he was nearing his forties and she was only 23 — but figured the banter was part of the job. She was so shocked when he did ask her to go on a date, she said yes.

It wouldn't be too bad, she figured. She would just go on the date and tell him she wasn't interested afterwards. It could be casual, and no one would be too hurt. The date was definitely out of her carefully moderated comfort zone, but she would step out of it for one night.

The date was fine. Like she had expected, she wasn't interested in Oscar in a romantic way. Still, she listened to his stories, laughed right on cue at all his jokes, and told some of her own anecdotes as well. The dinner was great, and he even offered to walk her home.

They were nearing Y/N's apartment when Oscar had suddenly slowed down his walking pace. She only noticed when she was a few feet away from him, and walked back to where Oscar was standing.

"Are you okay? We're almost there, I promise." Y/N smiled politely, much like she did in the office. Oscar didn't say anything in response, only the corners of his mouth quirking up ever so slightly.

"You're so beautiful, do you know that?" He complimented her, and Y/N looked at her feet, not quite knowing how to handle the flattery.

"Thank you." She said softly, and froze when Oscar's fingers tilted her chin upwards. Her eyes widened when he suddenly leaned in and put his mouth on hers. After the first few seconds of pure shock slowly passed, Y/N pulled her head back.

Not getting the hint, Oscar grinned and leaned in again, this time with both his hands on her face. Y/N let out a yelp, stumbling backwards. Her body's alarm bells were ringing so loudly, but Oscar must've been deaf to her body language because he backed her up against the wall and kept kissing her.

Y/N cried out as she tried to push Oscar off with her hands, but he only grabbed them and pinned them above her head. Finally, not knowing what else to do, she lifted her knee and kicked him right in the crotch. Oscar shot backwards, groaning loudly as his grip finally loosened on her. He looked incredibly angry.

"What the fuck?!" He bellowed, standing up straight again. Y/N's lip quivered, tears running down her face.

"You wouldn't stop." She said softly, almost in a whisper. Her entire body was shaking from the adrenaline. Oscar's mouth opened to say something, but the conversation got interrupted.

"Oscar!" A woman's voice shouted from down the street. He turned his head, and his face morphed from sheer rage into a lovely smile, the same one he always put up for Y/N back in the office.

"Sophie!" He said, but the mention of her name sounded strained. Sophie... Y/N recognized her name, but she hadn't ever met the woman. She was one of the three female lawyers at the firm. Had been working there for only five years, but her reputation was so badass, everyone knew who she was.

"What are you doing out tonight?" Sophie asked as she gave Oscar a hug, and turned to Y/N. "Who's this?"

"This is Y/N." Oscar replied. "She's a secretary at the firm."

"Nice to meet you." Y/N extended her hand, and Sophie shook it.

"Nice to meet you too! How come I've never seen you around?" She tilted her head.

"I— I work on a different floor."

"Well, I'm glad I met you, Y/N!" She said, the kindness in her tone being a real comfort after that scary moment she just had to live through. Somewhere in the way she said it, and in the way her eyes softened slightly, it almost felt like Sophie knew.

"I— I should go. It's getting pretty late." Y/N decided that this could be her sweet escape.

"Right, I'm gonna bring Y/N home." Oscar said, and your eyes shot to him. Anxiety filled your lungs until all you could breathe was fear. You didn't want to be alone with him. You had no idea what he would be able to do to you. What were you going to do about it? You weren't even half as strong as he was.

"Oh, which way is it?" Sophie asked, turning to Y/N, who was about to open her mouth but got interrupted by Oscar.

"That way." He pointed toward the direction of Y/N's house. Sophie side eyed her colleague, then nodded.

"Exactly the way I was going! Let's go." She hooked her arm into Y/N's, and began walking, ranting about how it was unacceptable that they didn't work on the same floor.

Y/N wordlessly nodded along, filled with gratefulness to Sophie or the universe—or both—for not leaving her alone with Oscar again.

She got home safely about five minutes later, not daring to look Oscar in the eyes as she hugged him and said goodbye, and she only allowed her tears to fall down her cheek when she closed her front door.

Y/N spent the rest of the weekend in bed, not in the mood to do anything. By Monday, she felt both better and worse. She had had some time to come down from the shock of what happened, but the terror that filled her at the realization that she was to see Oscar again, had her stomach turn. On Monday morning, she even got into work late as a result of a wave of nausea that hit her once she'd grabbed her keys, spending the time she used to drive to work to puke her guts out instead.

Later, she'd found out that Oscar had called in sick that day. It gave her some time and space to breathe. Sophie visited her the same day, and she hadn't stopped visiting since.

Oscar did eventually return to work, but they never talked anymore. Y/N didn't dare to look him in the eye, and she avoided him at all costs. One day, about two weeks after everything happened, she did see him waiting by her cubicle, but she hid in the toilet for half an hour and by the time she returned he was gone.

It had been two months since that horrible event, and Y/N had entirely isolated herself. Back to the normal routine, back to what was familiar. It gave her a sense of control. She was fragile, and sensitive. She had just pressed down her sadness and anxiety that lingered as a result from the date, and instead focused entirely on what she could control.

She figured it would be easier. Well, except for the mental breakdowns she'd get when something small didn't go right. The dishes not being cleaned, her vacuum not taking up every speck of dust; it just set her off. It wasn't healthy, but she had no idea how else to deal with these things.

When Sophie mentioned she was following self-defense classes a couple weeks ago, Y/N's ears had perked up. She tried to be subtle about it; asking questions to pry some information about the classes from her. But, being the amazing lawyer she was, it didn't go over Sophie's head, and before she knew it she had an invite to a class.

"See you next week!" Harry exclaimed as the last of the women from the 7pm class left the room. He was still busy putting everything back into place before the next class which would commence in about five minutes.

He was just about done with everything when Sophie walked in, another girl walking in close behind her. Harry couldn't really make up her face, as she stayed closely behind Sophie, even upon nearing him.

Sophie looked proud, probably feeling very accomplished about the fact that she had been able to convince this colleague of hers to take her up on her offer.

"Hey!" She greeted Harry cheerfully, giving him a quick hug. He was still smiling when he turned to the woman standing next to Sophie. His mouth went a bit dry when he took in her face.

"Harry, this is Y/N."

For starters, she was a bit shorter than Sophie, and quite frail too. Her hair was up in a ponytail, leaving her features to be admired out in the open. Her eyes were soft—radiating mostly insecurity at the moment—and wide. Those Bambi eyes and plump, rosy lips...

She looked so... innocent?

He wasn't sure if it was the right word, but he was sure that he had to say something before the silence became too long.

"Hi Y/N." He repeated her name, seeing the slightest flicker of surprise run through the eyes of the woman in front of him. But the slight relaxation of her body told him that his usual trick was working. It was a typical 'strategy' that he would often use with people who were a bit unsure about him. His voice would soften, he would always wear a hint of a smile on his face, and he'd repeat people's names to create a bit more of a familiar environment. It always worked, and he was glad it did. He never wanted anyone, especially a woman, to feel uncomfortable around him.

"Hi." The corners of her mouth tugged up.

Angel.

That's all he could think of as he looked at her. Jesus Christ, she was beautiful.

"Thank you for joining the class. You don't have to join in on everything if you don't feel comfortable. Just observe and see if this is something you would like to practice more often, okay?"

The girl in front of him nodded intently the second he had finished talking. Her eyes widened ever so slightly before she peeped out an, "okay."

Harry grinned, his gaze shooting to Sophie—who was looking at him with this suspicious look on her face that she only got once in a while—before calling everyone in a circle and commencing the class.

This girl, Y/N, turned out to be a real distraction for him. He was so focused on trying to read how she was feeling that he trailed off during explanations a couple times. It was embarrassing, really. He was a grown man for God's sake, why couldn't he just concentrate?

Y/N only joined in for a couple of the basic movements, but she stayed back for most of the class. Her big eyes observed every movement Harry and the others made, impressed with how developed everyone seemed to be in their techniques. He noted that it only seemed to make her more timid, though.

His eyebrows kept knitting every time he looked at her, getting lost in his thoughts on how he could help her become more comfortable in his class. She'd caught his stare about halfway through the class, and at the way her eyes shot to the floor he realized that his gaze was actually doing the completed opposite of what he wanted to do, which was help her.

When the class ended, Harry gave his usual speech about how good everyone had done their job, and that he would see them all next week. Afterwards there would always be a couple of women hanging around to ask questions, and he would stop a few on their way out to compliment their improvements. When the rest of the women had left, Sophie walked up to Harry, Y/N following closely behind.

"Great class, Styles. Thanks for teaching me some ass kicking again." She teased, smiling at him before she took a sip from her water bottle. Harry chuckled, shaking his head faintly.

"Glad you liked it." He turned to Y/N. "What about you?"

Her cheeks started heating up, mouth falling open ever so slightly. "M— me? Oh, uhm, yeah, pretty good."

"I'm going to use the bathroom really quick, I'll be right back." Sophie chimed in, and began walking towards the door. "Keep her company for me, will ya Styles?"

Harry almost laughed at how Y/N's eyes nearly popped out of her sockets at Sophie's announcement. She was nervous around him, and it was quite endearing, but she didn't need to be. Although it was very cute, Harry wanted her to be comfortable around her.

"You hated it, didn't you?" He said as soon as Sophie was out of sight. Harry was amused, watching Y/N scramble for words when she realized what he had said.

"What? No, no of course not! You're great! Teacher— you're a great teacher, I mean." She stumbled over every last one of her words, making it sound even less convincing than it already was, even though she did really mean it.

Harry solely raised his eyebrow, indicating that he did not buy any of that, and it was all it took for her shoulders to slump and a little sigh to leave those pretty lips of hers.

"It's really not you, I promise. I just get... a bit nervous in group settings, especially when it comes to sports. I don't even go to the gym." She confessed, and Harry nodded. That certainly made more sense. His heart warmed a bit at the fact that she reassured him that he wasn't the reason she wasn't liking the class all too much.

"Why don't you go to the gym?" Harry asked further, his tone soft. He didn't want to press too much, but he did want to know more about her.

"It's... embarrassing." She shrugged. Harry chuckled.

"I go to the gym all the time. I mean, I own this one. I can only imagine how embarrassing I must be." He joked. He had to say he thought it was pretty funny, the way she blushed as he teased her.

"No, I didn't mean it like that! You're not embarrassing at all— I mean, you’re like the opposite. You're lean, and strong. You have like— big arms and you know what you're doing." She ranted, and had no idea how much Harry's ego was fueled by the compliments she was unknowingly throwing at him. "Whereas I— I have no idea what to do at a gym. I hate the idea of people being able to watch me and judge me if they want. Not that I think everyone's focusing on me all the time! I— I don't think that..."

Y/N's heart was racing as she finally got herself to stop talking. It was a nervous habit she had always possessed. As soon as something got awkward, her mouth would open and it would just never shut again. All communication skills flew out the window as soon as something — or in this case someone — made her nervous. She couldn't even remember half the words she just said.

"I can teach you, if you want."

The offer was as unexpected to Y/N as it was to Harry. He hadn't quite anticipated the words rolling off his tongue, but he didn't regret them either.

"It'll be a private class, and it can be in a closed room, like this one, or after closing time. Whatever suits you." Harry tried his hardest to sound casual, and not like what he was offering was something he literally never did. He had to hire a cleaner at home because he was too busy to get around to cleaning the house, that's how much he had to do. But the prospect of losing even more free time did not seem to bother him at all. In fact, he hoped Y/N would take him up on his offer as he scanned her face and waited for her to say something.

"No, I wouldn't want to ask that of you. I'm sure you're busy with a lot of other things." She declined politely, but he didn't miss the glimmer of hope in her eyes. Those private classes had sounded intriguing to her, he just knew it. So instead of accepting her rejection, he shrugged.

"How about this. I'm always in till late on Tuesday's. If you're sure you don't want private lessons, that's fine. But if it does sound like something you want to do, just be there at 9. I'll be there either way." Harry suggested. He didn't wait for a response — hearing Sophie's footsteps nearing — and instead said,

"Just think about it, alright?"

Y/N merely nodded, not even able to croak out a 'yes' before Sophie walked back into the room.

"Okay, I'm ready to go. Y/N?" Sophie asked, watching as her friend agreed and grabbed her things before walking towards the door where Sophie stood.

"Thanks for the class." Y/N turned around and smiled at Harry, throwing him a small wave as she started following Sophie out the door.

"Anytime." He winked at her.

"Bye Styles!" Sophie shouted, her keys clinking as she waved at Harry, behind her.

"Bye Soph." Harry called out, his eyes still transfixed on the girl behind his friend.

He didn't take her eyes off her as they walked towards the exit, taking in every detail of her delicate body as she moved further and further away from him. She was painstakingly beautiful. How had she just walked in? As soon as the girls disappeared behind the door, Harry let out a big sigh.

"Fuck." He murmured under his breath.

He really hoped Y/N would take him up on his offer. Harry had very quickly and very suddenly developed this intense need to help the girl, and that couldn't mean anything good.

Maybe he'd never see her again. She did sound very unsure. Besides, who said that she even wanted to go to this class? For all Harry knew, Sophie could've just used her manipulative convincing tricks, and Y/N, the polite angel she was, would've felt too bad to decline. Maybe, she thought he was an ass and didn't want anything to do with him.

In spite of the countless theories flying through his head, he knew that she wanted it. He had seen it in her eyes. She did really want to join the class, she was simply too nervous. But whether she would take him up on the offer, that was the question. He'd have to wait until the following week.

Strangely enough, he couldn't wait until it was Tuesday. He couldn't wait to find out…

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epicbuddieficrecs · 3 months ago

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Weekly Recap | January 6th-19th 2025

I hope everyone had a good start of the year! You're getting two weeks of fics because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Enjoy!

Complete

Buck Naked by disasterbuck/ @disasterbuck (Getting Together | <1K | Teen): Buck turned, slicking his wet hair back, and then yelped and covered himself comically with his hands when he saw Eddie standing there. "Eddie!" he exclaimed, his face turning red. "I'm naked!" "Obviously," Eddie replied. - Eddie finds it difficult to talk about his feelings because it always leaves him far too vulnerable and exposed. So, when he finally decides it's time to tell Buck how he feels, he has a plan to get them both on equal footing.

Wish you'd ask me (If I wanna be your baby) by paleredheadinascifi (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): “So, uh, you come here often?” “Do I come here often?” Buck repeats slowly. He does come here often. As does Eddie. They both come here all the time, at the same time, together. Or, why ask someone out on a date when you can just take them on one without their knowledge? Sounds flawless to Eddie.

the long way back by jaekyu (PWP, Post-S8 AU | 6K | Explicit): Eddie and Buck get trapped in a closet. There's a joke in here somewhere.

I want you so (god must be the greatest comedian I know) by paleredheadinascifi (Post-S8A, Eddie Moves to Texas | 6K | Teen): But that’s Eddie. You knew all that. You knew we’d find him sitting alone, in his rented, unfurnished house in El Paso, Texas — equally 7 and 700 miles away from the only places he’d ever call home, the only people he’d ever call family. You probably also knew, because you’re more observant than Eddie, and I mentioned it at the start, that Eddie Diaz was in the middle of a sexuality crisis that he swears came out of nowhere. We’re gonna let him have it, because he’s going through a lot right now. Eddie is learning, as many do, that there are five stages of the sexuality crisis. When we find him sitting alone in his sad unfurnished house, he’s freshly greeting stage one.

I'll be His and He'll be Mine by xylodemon/ @xylodemon (Post-S8 Future Fic, Friends to Fiancés | 6K | Explicit) "And now, in as much as you, Evan Buckley and Edmundo Diaz, have given and pledged your love and faithfulness, each to the other, and have declared the same by joining hands, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the State of California as Deputy Marriage Commissioner, I now pronounce you spouses for life." "You're crying." "You're crying." Christopher sighs under his breath. "You're both crying."

Do I Get To Have This? by EiraLloyd (Post-Poker Game Date, Getting Together | 6K | Teen): Their missing clothes and the fact that Eddie was currently using him as a human pillow were the only evidence that Buck's memories of the night before were real. Wildly, his first thought after replaying everything in his head was, This is not good one-night stand etiquette. I should’ve left already. “You’re thinking too loud,” Eddie mumbled, breath ghosting over Buck’s collarbone in a way that reminded him a lot of dim lights and couches and I’ve wanted to do this all night. (Alternatively, Buck and Eddie hook up after the poker game in 6x13, and Buck has a hard time believing it when he wakes up the next morning.)

Hopelessly Devoted To You by scarmaddiewrites (Friends to Fiancés | 7K | Teen): “Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. He felt his heart lurch in his chest, and he didn’t know why. He had no idea what he was planning to say—Good morning, maybe, or How was your night? Something normal, something casual. But when Buck looked up at him, that grin growing impossibly wider, his blue eyes sparkling like the ocean, Eddie blurted out something entirely unexpected.” Or Eddie goes from 0-100 real quick

can't hide from you by EiraLloyd (Post-S6E12: Recovery, Getting Together | 7K | Teen): Eddie keeps smiling at his phone like a lovesick fool whenever a certain person messages him. Hen, Chimney, Pepa, and Christopher all want to know when Eddie started dating again and who his new girlfriend is. (Or, three times someone wrongly assumes Eddie is texting a girlfriend when it’s just Buck, and one time someone rightly assumes Eddie is texting a boyfriend (and it’s Buck).)

the phone keeps ringing by EiraLloyd (Post-S7 AU, BuckTommy Break-Up, Buddie Getting Together | 7K | Teen): “Took you long enough,” she says in an icy tone. Her name tag reads Dot. “Do you usually make your boyfriend wait for you overnight?” “I’m not his boyfriend,” he says, voice equally icy. “I’m the guy who drove five hours to pick him up when the boyfriend—” ditched him. He manages to swallow back the words, not wanting to air Buck’s business to a stranger, but he can’t help but think, If I were Buck’s boyfriend, this wouldn’t have happened at all. (Or, after a date with Tommy goes wrong, Buck ends up stranded in Las Vegas without a way home. Eddie makes the drive in the middle of the night because there's never really been another option.)

I Know They’ll Be Coming To Find Me Soon by scarmaddiewrites (Post-S8A Spec, Kidnapping | 10K | Teen): The day Buck is supposed to drop Eddie off at the airport, he’s doesn’t show, and Eddie takes that as a sign that their friendship was over. That just doesn’t end up being the case. Or The Buck gets kidnapped season 8b speculation fic

Love Me Most by EiraLloyd (Post-S7E5: You Don't Know Me | 11K | Teen): Or, Eddie’s not impressed that Buck and Tommy’s first date was supposed to be dinner and a movie. He thinks he can come up with something more creative, and he takes Buck on a date to prove his point. It’s a fake date, obviously. It’s not like he’s in love with Buck or anything.

🔥 Next to your heartbeat, where I should be by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Post-S8E8: Wannabes, Sexting | 11K | Explicit): Eddie’s not a complete idiot. He knows this isn’t normal. He stands in front of a mirror in his underwear, the tightest pair he owns, and he poses for a picture at an angle he’s learned flatters his ass and the curve of his thigh, to send to his best friend. He knows this isn’t what most best friends do. He also knows most straight guys don’t spend extensive amounts of time staring at men’s thirst trap accounts, or thinking about how their best friends look half-naked, but… That’s not what Eddie is focusing on right now. He’s just focusing on feeling good, following the path that sparkles with joy, and refusing to overthink it. If happiness is Buck sending a meme of a guy with a nosebleed back to his shirtless selfie, then that’s what happiness is. Eddie has spent too long denying himself to let this be what stops his journey towards loving himself. It doesn’t need to make sense. It just needs to be positive. It’s not like he’s breaking any commandments, as Father Brian would say.

🔥 Kept On Swimming by EiraLloyd (Time Loop, Tsunami | 12K | Mature): He just needs someone to know that he tried. He needs someone to acknowledge that—that he did everything he could, and—and he tried. He might’ve failed, but he tried. He tried, he tried, he tried, he tried— Eddie swallows and asks, “How many times?” Buck stares. He lived through it once; that’s normal. He lived through it twice; maybe a déjà-vu or a hallucination of some kind or even a premonition. But three times— It has to be a time loop. Surely. (Or, Buck is trapped in a time loop on the day the Santa Monica Pier is hit by a tsunami. He makes it count.)

🔥 the forms of things unknown by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (Sex Pollen, PWP | 13K | Explicit): Buck's mind goes blank: suddenly and perfectly blank like a briskly shaken Etch A Sketch, the tracks of his thoughts swept clean. Eddie's mouth is on his. Eddie's nose bumps his nose, and his stubble rasps, and Eddie is kissing him. And this is probably a bad idea. The thought surfaces briefly. This is probably a bad idea. They don't do this. They haven't talked about this. Until thirty seconds ago, he was perfectly certain that Eddie was straight.

The Elephant in the Room Never Forgets by exvichan (Post-S8A AU, Camping Trip, Getting Together | 19K | Teen): Secrets are spilled and truths brought to light when the 118 and their partners go on a camping trip. Oh, and there’s malaphors. Lots of malaphors.

🔥 the sweetest apparition by hyruling/ @hyruling (Post-S8E8: Wannabes, Eddie Moves to Texas | 20K | Explicit): Buck glances over his shoulder and smiles. “Sorry, lost in thought.” “I would be too looking at a man that handsome,” she says with a glance at his phone as they move up. “Your partner?” Buck feels his cheeks heat. What the hell – Eddie isn’t here to hear him, probably wouldn’t care anyway. It’s easier than explaining the truth to this stranger. “Yeah.” “And he sent you to do all the Christmas shopping alone?” she teases with a grin. “Oh, no he’s, uh – he’s gone.” --- Or: Eddie moves to Texas. Buck keeps accidentally telling people Eddie's dead. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

waiting for it (that green light) by pinkdoughnut (Drinking Games, Getting Together | 26K | General): “You don’t need to explain yourself,” Buck assured him, wishing more than ever that he could crawl out of his own skin. “I didn’t mean to push. I was just going along with the game—” “No, it just wasn’t meant to be like this,” Eddie groaned out finally. Buck sucked in a sharp breath, freezing in his step. “Like this?” Buck repeated carefully as he tilted his head slightly. “What… what does that mean?” - Or, Buck and Eddie finally realize they can’t keep pretending during a game of True American.

🔥 Finding Mr Christmas by JJK/@trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Canon Divergent, Reality TV, Christmas | 63K | Teen): "Welcome to Finding Mr Christmas! You’re all here chasing the same dream, to star in a Hallmark Christmas movie, and over the next few weeks we’re going to be putting you through your paces to see which of you has the most star quality and that ‘it’ factor that makes you shine above the rest." 🎄🎄🎄 An AU where Buck and Eddie meet as contestants on Hallmark's Finding Mr Christmas competition (and fall for each other).

WIP

🔥 there is no road by littleghost/ @ghostlandtoo (Post-S8A, Eddie moves to Texas | 4/6 | 58K | Explicit): Years ago, almost a full decade, Shannon had asked him to move and Eddie refused because he was trying to build a life for himself again. Eddie knows if he asks Buck, he’ll get that same refusal. Worse, Buck could say yes and Eddie would be uprooting Buck from the very life he built for himself. He doesn’t ask, and Buck doesn’t offer, and they pack up Eddie Diaz’s life in Los Angeles into cardboard boxes. Or: Eddie moves to Texas. Buck buys his house. There’s a love story somewhere in here.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 143/145 | 463K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 Gentle On My Mind by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Shannon Lives, Buck/Eddie/Shannon | 11/? | 69K | Explicit): In which Shannon lives, tells a lie, and sends hers, Eddie's, and Buck's lives down a very different path.

🔥 Firelight by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Post-S7, Monster Eddie, HOH Buck | 8/10 | 47K | Explicit): When, in the worst of missing Christopher, Eddie suddenly finds himself having literally turned into a monster, Buck - who is also dealing with a newfound hearing loss diagnosis - is willing to do anything to protect him. Even from himself. OR: Eddie is a creature from Swedish folklore, feat. HOH!Buck

[Podfic] What's love got to do with it? by Pretzel26 // fic by ColorMeParanoid/ @color-me-paranoid (Platonic Boyfriends to Lovers | 2/30 | 10-20min | Mature): "Hear me out," Buck said. "Clearly, both of us are sick of dating other people. And we're a good fit, in pretty much every way that matters. So what if we're not in love? We don't need to be in love to be happy together." Eddie frowned. "So basically, we'd be boyfriends, without benefits?" "Yes!" Buck snapped his fingers. "Like platonic boyfriends! We'd get all the benefits of a relationship and none of the heartbreak." And maybe Eddie had finally lost his mind, or maybe it was from all the alcohol clouding his judgment, but the idea of it didn't sound half as crazy as it should have. *** After Buck’s and Eddie’s dates both end with disasters – proving once again that maybe dating just wasn’t meant for them – they decide to simply settle for each other. If there was one person in the world they'd ever trust with their hearts, it was each other. And who was a better person to date other than your very own best friend?

Podfic

[podfic] Starlight by half_bakedboy/ @half-bakedboy (Post-S7, Gewtting Together | 20-30min | General): On a rare, starry summer night, Buck and Eddie discuss what ifs and make decisions about their future.

🔥 [Podfic] rainbows have nothing to hide by slipofthetongue/ @burnthatbridge for hattalove/ @hattalove (Getting Together | 20-30 min | Teen): how is eddie diaz like kermit the frog? let buck and christopher count the ways. (Part 1 of the kermit verse)

🔥 [Podfic] Before the Night Fades by slipofthetongue/ @burnthatbridge // fic by MilenaDaniels/ @milenadaniels (Post-S4E14: Survivors, Outsider POV | 45-60 min | Teen): “I have a bottle of champagne, four champagne flutes, one engagement ring to go into one of those champagne flutes, and a note to deliver it all to table 34 with dessert,” Tomas explains, wide-eyed, throwing his hand back to the prep station where said champagne is waiting on ice next to four flutes and a small ring box. “Okay?” “Okay so there’s two men and two women and I have no idea who’s getting proposed to. I’m not even 100% on who came with who." --- Or, EddieAna and BuckTaylor double date and it ruins everyone's night.

[Podfic] We're In This Together Now by fleurdebeton // fic by kristen999/ @thekristen999 (Major Character Injury | 20-30min | Not Rated): It was like walking into the world’s more confusing chemistry lab. There were long tables crowded with glassware, cookware, funnels, propane tanks, and tubing. Industrial sized glass bottles filled with various liquids were haphazardly scattered across the room. Eddie stared while Buck cautiously walked around one of the tables. They were inside a freaking meth lab. No, they were inside a ticking time bomb. Any of the bottles or barrels could contain any number of risks. Solvents, metals, bases, acids… “Looks like someone’s seen too many episodes of Breaking Bad,” Buck whispered.

[podfic] Starlight by half_bakedboy/ @half-bakedboy // fic by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress (Post-S7,Getting Together | 20-30min | General): On a rare, starry summer night, Buck and Eddie discuss what ifs and make decisions about their future.

🔥 [Podfic] Breathe by slipofthetongue/ @burnthatbridge // fic by kitkatpancakestack/ @kitkatpancakestack (Different First Meeting AU | 3-3.5h | Mature): After Eddie Diaz has a breakdown in the middle of a grocery store, he's forced to face the fact that he might not be dealing with his PTSD as well as he thought. At the urging of his aunt, he leaves to spend the summer in a small California beach town, where he meets a bright-eyed, blond-haired surf instructor who reminds him what it feels like to be alive.

Re-Read

#epic buddie fic rec #buddie #buddie fic #buddie fic rec #buddie fanfic #buddie fanfiction

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slotmachines-fearofgod · 1 year ago

Text

As per the poll results...

Alpha-17 hated taking care of the cadets.

They were loud, unruly, undisciplined, and cocky little sons of bitches. The Kaminiise that interrupted his and Fordo’s training session had said something about the CC batches needing mentors now that Fett was determined to get back to bounty hunting. Every Alpha ARC was to take on a batch as a trial run, regardless of the fact that Fett was never much of a mentor to them.

It didn’t matter. What mattered was that his batch was a fucking mess. Maze had even patted him sympathetically on the back when they were given their official assignments. In their first week, two of them, apparently the twins of the batch, had already managed to get themselves into three offices they weren’t supposed to be in, and snuck out of the barracks almost every night.

Alpha made them run suicides for hours for it.

He didn’t care for his batch the way some of his brothers did, with soft gestures and words like “ad’ika” or “vod’ika.” They were clones, and they wouldn’t find any sort of soft spot in the middle of a battlefield. He’d raise them the way he was raised, with sharp tongues and extra training, and they’d come out the other side better for it.

That doesn’t mean he didn’t care at all.

CC-2224 was standing guard outside their barracks, which was a bad sign, especially considering he’d been the first to learn that if they got in trouble, they got in trouble as a group. He was usually the most effective at dissuading the rest.

Not tonight.

“Cadet,” Seventeen greeted sharply, “sitrep.”

CC-2224 didn’t look him in the eyes, another bad sign. It had been one fucking month, and he was already having to put up with shit like this.

“B - CC-5052 is experiencing residual discomfort from the training exercise today, sir. My batchmates are helping him with recovery.” Only three years old, six standard, and CC-2224 was already the best soldier out of all of them. But he was shit at covering for the rest.

“Why are you guarding the door?” Seventeen crossed his arms over his chest, looming over the kid. If it was really what he said, he’d been in there helping with whatever cramp 5052 was feeling.

The day’s training hadn’t even really been that difficult from a physical standpoint. It was Seventeen’s least favorite type of resistance training: the mental kind. The Kaminiise had them start it early so their minds automatically built up resistances to-

Oh.

“CC-3636 asked that I remain outside so as not to crowd CC-5052 and explain to any who may be monitoring the barracks what is going on.” Seventeen knew enough to read between the lines of that statement. He was there to discourage any particularly nosy Kaminiise from looking too closely for flaws. They would be monitored closely for the next few days for any defects, a fact that had been made clear to them before the exercises had taken place.

CC-2224 still wasn’t meeting his eyes. He looked exhausted now that Seventeen was actually looking for it. He had a certain deadness to his face that Seventeen had seen many times both in the mirror and on others. If he remembered correctly, today had been the first day this specific crew had to undergo this type of training. CC-2224 was probably the best off if he was well enough to stand guard.

Seventeen breathed out slowly, for the first time unsure what to do with the cadets. Usually their problems were solved with laps in the rain around the compound, or latrine cleaning duty. Emotional issues were more Fordo’s thing. But Fordo had his own batch to tend to.

“Step out of the way cadet,” Seventeen ended up saying, trying not to make it too gruff. The quick, quiet knock against the door signaled that he didn’t quite manage that. Nonetheless, CC-2224 let him pass, albeit a bit slowly. Probably trying to buy his batchmates time.

It was apparently enough.

5052, 3636, 1010, and 411 were all in their bunks, with 1010 just barely managing to reach his as Seventeen opened the door. 5052 was turned away from him, taking the furthest bunk in the corner, while 411 and 3636 took the closest. 1010 and an empty bunk stood in the middle, with 5052’s pressed up against the wall. He assumed one of the two empty bunks, above 5052 or below 1010, was for 2224.

“5052,” his voice rang out across the eerily silent room. It felt heavy in their room tonight, not light or even charged with an air of mischief like he was accustomed to it being. 5052 raised his head blearily, and Seventeen ignored the fierce ache in his chest at the sight of his red, puffy eyes. “With me,” he ordered, ignoring the subtle sharp looks 1010 and 3636 were exchanging.

5052’s eyes watered briefly, before his face smoothed out. He was already learning the importance of a blank face, which was good. He shouldn’t be using it with Seventeen, though.

5052 climbed out of his bed, his posture rigid in a way Seventeen had never seen before. Were it not for the situation, he would’ve applauded this cadet for his professionalism, something they’d all been lacking ever since he met them.

“Sir,” 411 called, and Seventeen spared him a brief glance, “I was wondering if-”

“Later, 411,” Seventeen said sharply, training his gaze on the kid who was approaching him like he was a death sentence. “5052 and I need to take care of something.”

He wasn’t an idiot. He knew what effect his words were having on the cadets, especially 2224 who stood guiltily in the doorway. It was fine. Maybe they’d finally understand he was in charge, or learn they weren’t as invincible as they believed themselves to be.

As 5052 reached him, Seventeen held out a hand. The cadet looked up at him, then back at his hand, almost confused. Seventeen sighed, grabbing 5052’s hand with his, practically dwarfing the kid. He tried to keep his posture open and non-threatening, but he got the feeling the look 5052 cast at his brothers was him saying goodbye. As he tugged the cadet out the door, he noticed 2224 make a move to grab his brother, before 5052 shook his head.

2224 watched them go with tears in his eyes.

Fucking aiwha-bait Kaminiise demogolka.

He could hear the soft crying before 5052 and he had turned the corner down the hall. To his credit, the cadet didn’t shed a tear. He may have cried it all out earlier, but one look at the kid proved otherwise. He put on a brave face, but it was just a face. Any clone trooper would be able to see right through it.

He pulled 5052 along in silence until they reached his office. Seventeen punched in his keycode with his free hand, keeping a tight grip on the kid so he didn’t try to bolt. It was only once they were inside that Seventeen dropped the hand and sat in his chair. 5052 stood at attention directly in front of him, just how they were taught.

“What happened?” It was less of a request, and more of a demand.

5052’s voice barely shook as he spoke, “I suffered the after effects of today’s training, sir.”

Seventeen leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his desk, “Symptoms.”

5052 pressed his lips together, tears shining in his eyes once again, before answering, “I-I felt a shortness of breath, tightness in my chest, numbness of limbs, hand tremors, and tunnel vision.”

“You had a panic attack,” Seventeen summarized for him, nodding along with the conclusion. 5052 gave one sharp nod, like it took all his courage just to admit it. Hell, it probably did. If any of the longnecks found out, he’d be decommissioned. Just like with the Alphas, they wanted this first batch of CCs to be perfect.

“Yessir,” he whispered, his lower lip wobbling slightly.

Seventeen sighed, “At ease, 5052. C’mere.”

5052 fell back into parade rest, but didn’t move, eyes darting between the wall and Seventeen’s face. Seventeen raised his eyebrow, and sat back in his chair. He could play the waiting game.

Eventually, the cadet caved and rounded the desk before he stood at Seventeen’s side, still looking past him instead of at him.

“I know 2224’s been going around giving out names, so what’s yours?” Seventeen asked gently. 2224 was practically asking for a decom with that little scheme, but he couldn’t help but admire the sheer bravery, or maybe stupidity, the cadet showed.

5052 shook his head just slightly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir.”

“Drop the sir, it’s just Seventeen for right now.” It would be easier if he put them on even footing.

That got 5052 to look at him.

There was a long pause where his mind was putting the pieces together, the fact that Seventeen took him to his office and not a long-neck, the gentle tone, the hand holding, the dropping of rank all beginning to click in his head.

“I’m not - am I in trouble?”

Seventeen shook his head and 5052 sagged in relief almost immediately. This time, the tears did start, wracking his little body as his head dropped to his chest. Seventeen did the only thing he could and yanked the kid into his chest, calmly running a hand through his short curls and breathing in and out, getting him to match the pattern.

It took a while, but 5052 began to calm down.

“It’s alright, kid,” Seventeen said lowly, “You’re not the first vod to lose it after one of those training sessions and you won’t be the last.”

“Vod?”

“It means brother,” Seventeen said. He’d forgotten that less exposure to Fett meant the new generations wouldn’t likely have the chance to learn Mando’a. He’d have to talk to the other Alphas about fixing that.

5052 nodded, before taking a moment to collect his thoughts. Seventeen allowed him that, just offering physical comfort like his batch was probably doing before he intruded. As much as they got on his nerves, they needed to know they were his vode, and he wouldn’t turn them in for something so little as a panic attack. He didn’t have to like them to treat them with some base decency.

“My name is Bly,” he answered eventually, “Please don’t tell anyone.”

Seventeen chuckled, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He gently disentangled them, before bringing him into a keldabe. “Do you know what this is?”

He shook his head no.

“This is a keldabe. In a fight, a keldabe can be a useful tool in getting your opponents disoriented and putting some distance between you and them. It’d be a bit rougher than this, and probably leave you with a bruise if I really put some effort into it.” He held eye contact with 5052, even as the slightly caged look came back into the cadet’s eyes, “But between family, friends, or partners, it’s a sign of affection. A sign that we’re here for each other, through all this blood and fear. Something so brutal, so painful, turned soft and loving in the presence of those you trust.”

“Oh,” the kid breathed out, and Seventeen could tell the exact moment that he understood what he was telling him.

“I’m not letting those demogolka get their hands on you, even if your brothers are assholes,” the small laugh was almost happy, “I can’t go easy on you, vod. If I do, we’ll both be slated for decomm. Do you understand?”

The kid - Bly nodded, a very small smile beginning to form, “Thanks, Seventeen.”

Seventeen pulled back and nodded, hiding his laugh at Bly’s sudden yawn. It was getting late, and these kids hadn’t gone through sleep deprivation training yet. It would be best to let them rest while they could.

—

“Again,” Seventeen called, grinning smugly as Fox snarled at him. A year into their training with him and this batch had quickly shot to the top, with the exception of the clone in front of him. Fox’s scores had been dropping lately, though the little dickhead refused to tell him what had been going on, so they were doing this.

Sparring until Fox either dropped or spilled.

It was looking more and more like Fox preferred the first option.

Usually, when one of them was being difficult, he had them train until their legs gave out on them and they could do nothing but talk. Sometimes it took a little more or less work, especially when it came to Fox. Bly was happy to talk to him since that first night he’d shown he was safe, though he’d caught comments from Wolffe or Fox about the baby of the batch getting special treatment. Kote and Ponds generally folded as soon as they were physically exhausted, and Wolffe just had to get angry enough to spit it all out in quick succession.

Fox was different. He was smarter.

He didn’t take training laying down, and was clever enough to keep his cool even when Seventeen could tell he wanted to do nothing more than scream. He’d never dream of talking about his issues to anyone outside his batch, and even then Seventeen was pretty sure he’d only talk to Ponds or Wolffe. He hadn’t even wanted to tell Seventeen his name until Wolffe nagged him enough to make him stand, red-faced, in front of the older clone and spit it out. Seventeen pulled him into a quick keldabe, before repeating the name and telling him it suited him.

Right now wouldn’t be solved with nagging or a keldabe. At least, not the gentle kind. Fox needed blood, he needed to gnash his teeth and give and receive a little pain. Seventeen understood that just fine.

“Fuck you,” Fox spat, before lunging again. He was getting sloppier, more tired, and Seventeen was able to pin him in under a minute. He held the struggling kid there for a few seconds until Fox realized he wasn’t escaping and went limp, tapping out once again.

“Again,” Seventeen repeated once Fox had caught his breath. This time, it was less than thirty seconds before Fox quit fighting, just lying quietly on the mat.

“You know,” Seventeen huffed after a few moments of stillness, “You’re supposed to tap out.”

Fox tapped lightly, and Seventeen let him up. He grabbed his shoulder before Fox could get too far back into position to go again.

“Your flight time went up again.”

“I know.”

“You gonna do anything about it?”

Fox’s glare was enough to make almost anyone else back down. But not him.

“The fuck do you care?”

Seventeen stepped back, getting into a fighting position, “Again.”

Fox didn’t have buttons to push like Wolffe, nor did he give up when he should like Ponds or Kote. He needed a little of both, a little more push than most would have advocated for a kid, to get him to crack how he needed to.

They danced the familiar dance a few more times before, maybe the fourth or fifth time Seventeen pinned him, Fox let out a frustrated yell. That was close to what he was looking for.

“Kote took top spot for blaster modules this week.”

“I fucking know, okay?”

That was what he was looking for.

“I know Kote took top spot and I know Wolffe beat my fly time and I know Gree and his batch are taking over strategy mods! I fucking get it, so fuck off with whatever the hell this is!” Fox wriggled out from under him, and Seventeen let him go without a fight. He stayed facing away from Seventeen, but that was okay for now.

“I just…I hate this stuff! I hate being trapped in those rooms with those demogolka and fucking Fett watching over our shoulders like he ever did anything except leave and you acting like you give a shit when we both know you’re only here because we’re another assignment for you. I hate you pretending like we’re brothers or everything’s gonna be fine and we aren’t all gonna die soon or-or like any of us matter in the long run,” his rant was beginning to slow, and Seventeen approached slowly. The small break in his voice told him all he needed to know.

“I don’t get the point when it doesn’t fucking matter if I die here or on a battlefield because death is death, and either way no one’s gonna care,” if he had to guess, the tears started about thirty seconds ago.

The worst part is that Seventeen gets it. He’d lost one of his batch to the same thoughts. In the end, it hadn’t been the long-necks or a fight that did him in. Just a missing blaster and too much time alone outside. They all understood why, even if they never forgave him for it.

It was because he understood that he placed one hand on Fox’s shoulder, forcing his vod to face him.

“You’re right,” Seventeen rumbled, not leaning over and making himself small like he would for the others. Fox had always appreciated the truth above all else.

“What?” He was right, tear tracks were carved down his vod’s face, and the small breathy disbelief looked like it might break the younger clone.

“Fett’s a fucking asshole, don’t know why Kote likes him so much. The Kaminiise are indescribable in their cruelty, and I’m a dick. Doesn’t mean nothing you do matters, though.”

Fox scoffed and pulled away, trying to twist his face into that familiar hard sneer, “And what would you know about that?”

Seventeen shrugged, “Not sure. You don’t want me to know you. But I see the way Kote and Bly light up when their ori’vod is around. And I know Wolffe would never survive without you, and that Ponds would kill himself if you did what you’re talking about doing.” He looked this kid - his kid in the eyes. He needed him to know he understood. “You’re trying to get the Kaminiise to do it for you, so you don’t have to take the coward’s way out. I get it, vod’ika. But you know every single one of those little assholes in your barracks would hurtle themselves off the edge just the same if you died, by your own hand or not.”

“Wha-”

“Don’t do it for me,” Seventeen added, gentling his tone a bit as fresh tears sprang to his vod’ika’s eyes, “Don’t do it for Fett, and don’t you fucking dare do it for the long-necks. Do it for the brothers waiting for you back in the bunks. The brothers that would beat themselves up if they knew that you were even thinking about this. The brothers that are going to force you to cuddle with them even if they have to drag you kicking and screaming.”

Yeah, okay, maybe Seventeen liked to linger outside their door when he was done with his duties that didn’t involve five nightmares running around and making his life hell. Maybe he wanted to soak in his brothers’ laughter once in a while. So what.

Fox looked at the floor, desperately trying to hold back tears.

Seventeen sighed and knelt in front of him, opening his arms up and waiting.

It took Fox less than thirty seconds to decide that yes, he did want the offered hug. Seventeen kept his laugh to a low rumble, a little closer to soothing than teasing. Fox squeezed him like he’d never been hugged before, even though Seventeen knew damn well that was a lie. It didn’t matter.

“We don’t do it for ourselves,” Seventeen said lowly, “We’d never make it if we did. We do it for each other, or we don’t do it at all.”

Fox sniffed, and Seventeen didn’t even care that he was probably getting snot and tears all over his blacks. His little brother was going to be okay, and that’s what mattered.

—

It took the Kaminiise two years to figure out who had started naming clones. Who started giving them just a little agency and independence. And when they found out, they made sure to make an example out of him.

They came during the sleep cycles, when Seventeen wouldn’t be around to stop them, and took Kote from his bunk without a word.

Two years in, one year after Seventeen had begun to call the littles his vod’ike, he found himself kneeling at the feet of the man he hated most in this place, begging for mercy for his charge. Fett was cold, he knew, but not so cold that his second favorite cadet would be left to rot.

Kote had been in isolation for almost a week, and nearly every night Seventeen had a visitor from the batch crawl into his bunk with shaky hands and red eyes. A decomm would’ve been easier on them, but knowing their second-youngest was alive and alone, trapped and left at the hands of the Kaminiise, was breaking them.

Ponds and Kote had always been the anchors of the group. Ponds was the oldest, and the automatic go-to for most things. But Kote named them all, and every single one of them adored him for it.

Fett was unyielding when Seventeen entered with accusations on the tip of his tongue. He was prepared to yell, to scream at the man who started this, who refused to leave them alone even after everything he’d already done to hurt them. But one look at the man had him falling to his knees, a single tear escaping his eyes as he pleaded with his head bowed.

Fett said nothing, and Seventeen left feeling humiliated and angry.

Which was why, when Seventeen heard Kote had been let out and was currently in the care of Fett, he’d sprinted across the compound to collect his vod.

He got there just in time to see Kote leave, tears dripping down his little face, crumpling against the wall outside of the dar’manda’s room.

Seventeen said nothing, but knelt in front of his vod’ika and scooped him up, carrying him away from that place.

As they walked, Kote’s hands fisted in Seventeen’s blacks as he tried to muffle his sobs into the older man’s chest. He clung to Seventeen like they were the last people alive on this planet, and Seventeen made sure to hold him just as tight. They made it to the Alpha barracks, which were thankfully empty, and laid down together on Seventeen’s bunk.

Kote wailed for hours once he realized they were somewhere safe, away from long-necks and cold-hearted bounty hunters. Seventeen just held on, running a hand up and down his vod’ika’s back to comfort him, and whispered apologies into Kote’s hair.

“Why didn’t they just decommission me?” Kote kept asking through tears, sometimes screaming and sometimes whimpering.

“Why did Prime have to name me?”

“Why didn’t I listen to him?”

“Why didn’t he find me sooner?”

So many questions that Seventeen had no answer to.

When the tears finally slowed, Seventeen spoke.

“He tricked you, vod’ika. He’s a cruel and callous man and he tricked you.”

Seventeen had always hated how Fett dug his claws into this kid. He didn’t care how it would hurt Kote, he didn’t care what would have happened to him. Seventeen was a violent man but even he didn’t understand why Fett would do this.

“They couldn’t even say my name right,” Kote whimpered, “They kept saying ‘Cody’ and when I tried to correct them they - they just -” he broke off, burying his head into Seventeen’s chest and letting out another sob.

“They will always hate you for the freedom you’ve given your brothers,” Seventeen rumbled, “And I will make sure they cannot deny your strength.”

A plan was already forming in his head. He’d put Kote through extra training, make him into the best of the best. He’d make him good enough to rival an ARC. The Kaminiise couldn’t throw him out if he was useful enough, sharp enough, strong enough.

“He named me Glory, Seventeen,” Kote cried, “Why? I don’t understand!”

Seventeen didn’t have an answer for that question either.

“You have to stay away from him, Kote,” Seventeen said. He said it firmly, like it was an order, and not a plea, though they both knew better. Fett could easily take Kote away from Seventeen, away from his batch, and none of them except the kid crying into him could make it stop.

“He - he loves me,” Kote wailed, “I’m his ad, he loves me! I can’t just-”

Seventeen cut him off harshly, “Kot’ika, if he loved you, I wouldn’t have had to beg him to interfere.” It was harsh, but his vod’ika needed to know. “He didn’t come looking for you. We did.”

Kote cried for a long time after that. He kept trying to make excuses, telling Seventeen about all the times Fett had supposedly cared.

It just made Seventeen angrier. Fett had manipulated his kid into thinking he was more than a paycheck, more than food for a war that hadn’t even begun yet. Seventeen briefly entertained the possibility of killing him for it.

Out of all the tools they’d been given, hope was never one of them. The kid screaming into the pillow was proof as to why.

Kote eventually tired himself out enough to pass out on the bunk, and Seventeen sighed in relief as his breathing finally evened out.

Both Maze and Fordo poked their heads in, for once not laughing at the sight of Seventeen curled around one of the kids he’d once told them he’d never call his own. They told him Kote’s batch had been alerted to his release, and they’d immediately demanded answers from the older ARCs, meaning Seventeen would probably need to make an appearance soon to ease their fears.

Seventeen just nodded along to the debrief, a wave of exhaustion hitting him as well. He eventually gathered himself enough to sit up, taking Kote with him. The kid just shifted sleepily, his face scrunching up in dismay even though he didn’t wake.

“They’re going to be looking for an excuse,” Fordo said quietly after a moment, “He needs to keep his head down.”

“I know,” Seventeen murmured.

“Seventeen,” Maze said, “He’s terrified. Whatever you’re planning, leave him out of it.”

Seventeen just sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall.

“I’m serious. He needs to stop making ripples, good or bad. He’s already too individualistic for their tastes.”

Maze was right. Kote had always been headstrong and stubborn, just like the rest of his batch. They all relied on each other too much and not only had it taken Kote down, but the rest of them either refused to or simply couldn’t pull themselves together in his absence.

“You boys remember our training on Rishi?” Seventeen asked after a moment.

It was a stupid question, of course they did. They’d been dropped off on that moon, all in separate locations, with no comms or supplies to help them except what was expected in emergencies. They had to survive like that for a month before they were picked up again. It was the worst experience of any of their lives.

“We need a program like that for them,” he said after a moment, ignoring the twin glares sent his way. Every single Alpha had become incredibly protective over their batchers in the two years the program had been going on.

“Not exactly like that,” Seventeen assured them, “But their training is a lot more strategy and team focused. They need something closer to the way the ARCs were trained.”

Fordo snorted, “ARC training is a hell of a lot more brutal than what they’ve had to do so far. And it started a lot earlier.”

“It would make them indispensable,” Seventeen said after a moment, and he knew the silence following that statement meant he’d won.

Still, he sighed and stood, clutching Kote against his chest, “I’m gonna get him back to his batch. I have a feeling they’re about to come looking.”

—

Wolffe was smiling, which immediately put Seventeen on edge. Wolffe had a few kinds of ‘smile’. There was the genuine one, which was rare but always rewarding, the smirk, which was the most common and meant he’d just kicked someone’s ass in hand to hand training and was about to get far too cocky about it, and then his grin, which meant he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to.

Like now.

Seventeen folded his arms across his chest, giving his best glare at the cadet. They were six months into ARC training, a year out from the event that kick started the idea, and all it had done was make his batch harder to handle.

Not only were they trouble-makers, they were now troublemakers with all the strategy and training of their older counterparts.

“It wasn’t me this time,” they’d finally hit that funny age where their voices no longer matched their faces, and all of them grew at different rates. It was maybe the one time in their lives they would look genuinely different from each other.

Seventeen added an eyebrow raise to his glare.

“Kote found him first.”

Him?

“It was his idea,” Wolffe was beginning to shrink back just a little under the glare, “But he’s not making any trouble.”

Seventeen snorted, “The day you di’kuts don’t make trouble for me is the day you’re all dead and buried.”

Wolffe flipped him off.

“That’s ten extra suicides, cadet.” Seventeen smiled as Wolffe’s face immediately dropped and he started whining.

“It was just a joke, you’re mean to us all the time,” Wolffe argued, not helping his case in the slightest.

“I’m keeping you assholes alive,” Seventeen shot back, “Now what did you do?”

Wolffe scowled, replying, “Come on, old man,” before turning and marching down the hall.

“And that’s twenty,” Seventeen called after him.

Wolffe kept complaining the whole way there, even when Seventeen cuffed him on the back of the head for it. He led them to the CT barracks, which was new. To his knowledge, his batch never really came down here. There was no need to.

The experimental ARC babysitting program had gone well enough that when the CT clones were produced and of age, several Alphas had been relegated to managing these cadets, whom he’d been assured were either much less or much more rowdy than the CCs, depending on the batch.

Alpha had just been assigned his first case, though it was a curious one. Two of the batch had been decommed almost as soon as they came out of their tubes, and the other three didn’t get along the way most batches tended to. They were first generation CTs, so some defects were expected, but the vitriol with which they treated each other certainly was not.

It had been a jarring change from the crew he’d been taking care of for almost four years now.

Wolffe led him to a supply closet off to the side in the barracks, chattering all the way about how this was Kote’s fault. Seventeen ignored him in favor of looking around at the empty bunks, internally sighing about whatever scheme his vode had cooked up this time.

When Wolffe opened the door, however, the cadet inside of the closet threw Seventeen for a loop.

“7567?” He asked, surprised. He was one of the batchers Seventeen had been assigned to take care of, the one that got picked on the most, actually. What really surprised him, however, was the state he was in.

His usual obvious blonde head of hair had been shaved carelessly almost completely off. He could see a few cuts dotted across the kid’s head, and the kid himself looked like he’d lost a pound or two since the last time Seventeen had seen him nearly a week ago.

He’d thought the kid was avoiding him, but there was obviously something more going on.

“You know him?” Wolffe asked, sounding surprised and completely ignoring the sharp glare being thrown his way from the kid hiding in the closet.

“He’s one of mine,” Seventeen responded, still searching for any more visible wounds or changes to his newest charge, “Haven’t been able to find him for a week.”

“Oh, uh, that may have been our fault,” Wolffe said, looking back at 7567, “What? Why are you glaring at me?”

“I told you not to tell anyone,” 7567 bit out, the harsh tone being somewhat off put by the higher pitch of his voice. He was just a bit younger than the CCs, and wouldn’t hit the growth spurt that truly mattered for another year or two.

“Yeah, well, suck it up. Kote’s been going crazy trying to hide you from your batch and the Alphas,” came the nonchalant reply, and Seventeen furrowed his brow. Why would Kote be trying to hide 7567 from his own brothers?

“I figured he could help,” Wolffe continued, and Seventeen ignored the brief flash of warmth at the statement of trust.

Now it was his turn to be glared at, and Seventeen took a second to admire the size of 7567’s balls before matching it with his own sneer.

“You’ve been skipping training, cadet.”

“I didn’t want to,” he replied sulkily, “Kote said it wasn’t safe.”

Seventeen hummed, “And why would he say that?”

7567 hesitated for a moment, before quietly admitting, “He caught them doing…this,” he gestured to his head, and a sick moment of realization came over Seventeen, “He scared them off, but he didn’t want me to go back with them.”

Batchmates teasing each other was one thing, but hurting one another?

That would have to be dealt with.

Seventeen sighed as he moved in front of Wolffe and crouched in the doorway of the closet, “So Kote, being the di’kut he is, hid you in here.”

7567 shrugged, “‘S not terrible.”

“You eaten recently?”

The cadet shook his head no after a moment, and Seventeen turned back to look at Wolffe, “Why exactly did you boys think this was a good idea?”

Wolffe crossed his arms, “I didn’t know until yesterday, ask Kote.”

“Not helpful,” Seventeen grunted, before turning back to 7567, “Since you and Kote are so tight, I assume you’ve got a name.”

7567’s eyes widened comically at him, giving him away in an instant. Of course Kote did, he’d always had a soft spot for the littles. 7567 still looked at Wolffe first, who must have given an affirmative.

“Rex,” he said quietly.

Seventeen nodded, “Alright Rex, with me. Wolffe, you too.”

Rex looked at him with slight suspicion in his eyes, and Wolffe let out a small noise of complaint.

“Come on boys,” he tried again, adding a little bark to his voice that had them both scrambling to follow him out the door, “Medics first, then food.”

Once they reached a medical droid, Seventeen sent Rex off behind a curtain with it, and sat down next to Wolffe, giving him the ‘you’d better start talking’ look.

Wolffe grumbled for a bit before admitting, “His batch are assholes. Too aggressive with him. He learned how to bite back, but Kote said it was pretty bad when he found them. Kid was bleeding like crazy and scared the shit out of Kote, who tried to take him here. He didn’t let him, on the grounds of his mutation, and wouldn’t budge.” Wolffe ran a hand through his hair, a tick they’d all begun to pick up from Seventeen, “He’s with us until further notice.”

Seventeen sat back in his chair, absorbing the information for a moment.

“Good,” he said simply, ignoring the look of confusion and surprise Wolffe sent his way.

“Sir?” Wolffe asked, and Seventeen shifted in his chair, keeping an ear out for Rex.

“He needs a batch,” Seventeen responded, “He’s too skinny and too short, probably from lack of nutrition, and his hair is going to make him stand out. He keeps going the way he’s going, his batch will kill him before the Kaminiise get the chance.”

“Oh,” Wolffe said, a little quieter this time.

“You boys got lucky,” Seventeen continued, still keeping an eye on the curtain, “You got each other. He doesn’t have that.”

“He’s stubborn,” Wolffe said after a moment, “He’s apparently been fighting Kote every step of the way. Doesn’t want anyone to think they have to take care of him.”

That was good. That showed spirit. If Rex had allowed himself to be cowed, to back away without a fight and shrink into the shadows, Seventeen would have had a lot more work to do. As it was…

“He won’t be around his batch if I recommend him for ARC training,” Seventeen suggested quietly, “Of course, he’d need some older vode helping him out, the way I did with you.”

Wolffe snorted, “Not sure you helped us out so much as put the fear of the Manda into us.”

Seventeen grinned down at him, “Got you moving, didn’t it?”

Wolffe rolled his eyes and settled back into his chair, now eyeing the curtain in an equally curious and concerned way, “Think he’ll make it? He’s a CT.”

Seventeen shrugged, “Don’t know. Didn’t know if you boys were going to make it either.”

Wolffe eyed him critically, “What do you mean you didn’t know?”

Seventeen chuckled, “You’re smart and strong, but it takes more than that to complete what you’re being put through. It’s only been six months, and you’ve yet to hit the worst of it.”

Wolffe groaned, “Why are you so cryptic?”

Seventeen looked back at him, a gleam in his eye, “Because it pisses you off.”

Wolffe opened his mouth to say something that probably would’ve earned him another hour in the gym, when the curtain swung back, revealing Rex looking even grumpier than earlier. His head had a few small bacta patches on it, and he promptly ignored the droid in favor of marching over to where Seventeen and Wolffe were sitting.

The droid ignored Rex’s obvious unhappiness and followed him over, this time addressing Seventeen.

“A-17,” it began, “I believe this CT-7567 has a serious defect that must be looked at. Chromosome number-”

“I’m aware,” Seventeen growled at the droid, “We’re all aware. Now fuck off.”

The droid paused for a moment, unsure what to do with itself.

“I must report this to Nala Se,” it finally concluded, and Seventeen just huffed in response.

After a beat of silence in which the droid scurried away, a small voice behind Seventeen spoke, “Is she going to decommission me?”

Seventeen almost laughed. Almost.

Instead he said, “Kid, she knew about your hair the second you left your tube. If you aren’t slated for it yet, you won’t be any time soon.” He turned to face his cadets, hiding his smile at the way Wolffe acted like he wasn’t just wrapping Rex up in a hug.

“C’mon,” he said, “let’s go get you boys some food.”

—

Today was the day.

His batch was going to take and pass the final test, and become honorary ARC troopers. Two years after they started on the shortened ARC modules, and they’d all become so much more than the Kaminiise ever believed they could be. He’d stood in front of all of them before they marched off for their tests and told them he was proud of every single one, no matter the outcome.

Rex sat with him, both quietly pretending they weren’t shitting their brains out with anxiety, and they waited.

Fox and Wolffe came out together, wearing twin grins, and Seventeen knew without asking. He wrapped them up, squeezing the life out of them and ignoring the groans of embarrassment. Kote came out thirty minutes later, having completed and passed his own exams and combat trials, followed by Bly soon after.

They all sat and waited for Ponds.

There was an air of anxiety coming from his cadets, and he knew why.

They were supposed to graduate together, to be the first full batch to make it across the finish line. They’d worked hard for this, studied and trained together for years. They knew the manuals inside and out and had personally tested themselves against every single ARC and trainer they could coax onto the sparring mats.

Ponds’ absence sent a shockwave through that steady confidence.

An hour later and they were still sat there, all uneasy, all rhythmically bouncing their knees in near unison.

An hour and a half later, the doors opened, and they all tensed, prepared for bad news.

What they were unprepared for, however, was a bloody, limping Ponds to walk through with the biggest grin any of them had seen on his face.

“What the fuck,” Wolffe was, of course, the first to speak. “What the fuck!” He repeated, louder and more worried.

This sent all of them into a frenzy, rushing toward their injured vod and checking him over, all shouting over one another and demanding to know what happened. Ponds just laughed at their concern, though Seventeen caught the slight wince at the movement.

After a few moments, he convinced them to quiet, and breathed deep, still grinning like a maniac.

“We passed,” he said after a slight pause, and the whole bunch erupted in cheers. They pulled themselves into a circle, Rex and Seventeen watching fondly from the outside, and congratulated each other, giving out hugs and keldabes left and right. Seventeen was fairly sure Wolffe and Fox hit each other a little too hard, and he smiled at the resulting stumble from the boys.

They were nearly seventeen standard years, which meant as soon as the war they were being bred for started, they’d all be shipped out without a moment’s hesitation. It was that thought that made Seventeen allow them to celebrate loudly, noisily, and unashamedly despite the attention it might have drawn.

Eventually, they calmed down, and Seventeen muscled his way to the center, planting himself in front of Ponds. They were too tall now for him to need to kneel and get on their level, but still short enough that he could loom adequately.

“Vod’ika,” he began lightly, settling a comforting hand on Ponds’ shoulder, “What happened?”

Ponds’ grin shrank slightly, but his answer was steady, “What do you mean? I passed!”

Seventeen allowed himself to smile at the no-longer-cadet’s enthusiasm, “I know, and I’m proud, but why are you hurt?”

“It was part of the test,” Ponds furrowed his brow in confusion, looking around at the others, “Didn’t all of you…” he trailed off, for the first time taking in the lack of injuries around him. Seventeen could see the moment realization dawned on his face, as well as feel the rising fury coming from the brothers behind him.

“No,” Seventeen said gently, shaking his head, “That wasn’t part of the test.”

“Oh.”

“Ori’vod-”

Seventeen cut whoever it was off with a short look behind him. They all looked equally scolded.

He hated this was happening during their moment of triumph, but he knew if he didn’t address it, no one would.

“Pond’ika,” Seventeen tried again, “What happened?”

Ponds stilled, his face becoming blank as he processed what was going on. Seventeen squeezed his shoulder a little tighter, becoming a grounding point until his vod’ika was ready.

“I was going into my counter-insurgency exam and Ward was in the ring. He said he and I would spar and that I had to be prepared for anything,” his voice and expression remained steady, even as Seventeen’s grew concerned, “He flipped out a knife at one point and…” Ponds looked down and gestured to his leg and torso.

“Why weren’t you wearing armor?” Kote asked from behind Seventeen.

“He told me to take it off,” Ponds replied simply.

Seventeen sucked in a breath. Ward was a grade A asshole, every ARC knew this. His ‘counter-insurgency’ fighting was just an excuse to fight dirty, to scar up troopers and taunt them for their lack of skill.

Skirata should have been in charge of this exam, not Ward. Skirata had always been the kindest of the Cuy’val Dar, and by the looks on the rest of the batcher’s faces, they were thinking the same thing.

“Okay,” Seventeen said simply, “Take off the armor and let’s take a look.”

Ponds shook his head, “Can we do this in the barracks?”

Seventeen nodded, and immediately Wolffe and Fox were at Ponds’ side, helping him take the weight off his injured leg. Rex gave a quieter congratulations to Kote, his obvious favoritism not quite overshadowing his worry as he constantly looked back to check up on Ponds. Bly fell into lockstep with Seventeen, and their little crew easily made their way to the barracks.

As soon as they got inside, Kote grabbed the medical kit and presented it to Seventeen, who began to set things out on the floor. He knelt in front of where Wolffe and Fox had sat Ponds on Wolffe’s bunk, but gave them enough space to help Ponds remove his armor.

Bly settled in next to Ponds when Fox vacated the spot to go lock the door, and sucked in a breath as Ponds unbuckled his thigh gauntlet. Blood rushed from the wound, which had previously been pressured by Ponds tightening the straps to keep the wound secure, but it wasn’t deep enough to hit bone, for which Seventeen was glad.

His torso was a little more complicated, the unnatural shift of skin telling Seventeen that one of his ribs was likely broken. If it had punctured a lung, they would’ve known by now, and he breathed a little easier with the knowledge.

“Kote,” he called quietly but firmly, “Comm Aven, tell him we’re gonna need some help.”

Ponds opened his mouth to protest, but snapped it shut when he received several glares from around the room.

“Can’t believe you passed with this,” Seventeen mumbled, “You should’ve tapped out when he flipped out the knife.”

“We were all supposed to pass,” came the answer Seventeen had already guessed.

“I know,” he sighed, “And this just proves how much you deserve it, but next time, you tap out, got it?”

There was no nod or sign that he agreed, which Seventeen had also expected. Ponds was just as stubborn as the rest of them, no matter how much he hated to admit it.

He heard Kote talking quietly in the background and got to work, Rex occasionally pushing certain supplies his way and Wolffe and Bly talking calmly to Ponds as Seventeen went about patching him up.

They didn’t want full batches to graduate ARC training, because then they could prove it was a waste of time and money. He’d known that the second he and a few others proposed the idea to Fett, the Kaminiise, and the Cuy’val Dar and nearly every single one of them had soured.

Well they could take their elitist dar’manda bullshit and shove it up their asses. His batch had passed, regardless of Ward’s best efforts, and shoved it in every single one of their ugly faces.

Ponds’ injuries had luckily not impacted the general mood after the initial shock, and soon they were all sharing details and comparing experiences in their different tests. They all laughed at Bly for forgetting to fill out the last digit of his number during one of the written tests, and Fox followed it up with how Wolffe was so nervous he forgot to load his blaster during the firing range exams. That was followed by a smack, which was followed with an insult, which was followed with Seventeen having to reach out and grab Wolffe before he made a move to tackle his brother.

Nearly nine years old and they still acted four.

Aven came in a few moments later, taking over the medical side of things for Seventeen, who took the opportunity to give the eldest a keldabe. Ponds smiled into the hold and relaxed a little further.

They were no longer cadets, not as of that afternoon, and Seventeen knew he would have to let them go soon.

Still, he sighed as Rex ganged up with Wolffe against Fox in their bickering, and turned around to scold his vod’ika.

—

In the years the war dragged on, Seventeen saw very little of his batchers. Rex and Kote, who was going by Cody in front of the natborns, visited when the war came to Kamino, and introduced him to vod’ika of their own. Wolffe called after what happened with Ventress, showing off his own scar from his encounter with the Sith acolyte. Bly commed often, asking mostly about business, but he’d once let slip something about him and his general. And Fox…Fox he never really saw.

But they’d all gathered, either on a call or in person, to say goodbye to Ponds.

Rex had sent him a message saying the batch had already had their night of grief, wallowing in each other’s arms. He was glad they’d taken the time for themselves, but even happier they still trusted him with this.

They’d all formed little batches within their battalions, as they should, but he’d never really been able to take care of another batch like he did with them. There were too many cadets on Kamino now to focus on them one group at a time.

So even if it was over a call, he was relieved to see their faces, and ached when they all looked to where Ponds usually stood during these video conferences.

It was quiet at first, and Seventeen took the opportunity to drink each of them in. They were all so much older, so much more exhausted, then he remembered them being. Fox and Wolffe in particular looked like hell, and though he knew it was a combination of grief and whatever osik they’d been handling recently, it didn’t look right on them.

Kote spoke first, telling Seventeen what happened and declaring Boba dar’manda with vitriol hidden behind his teeth. He and Rex were in person together, as were Bly and Wolffe, and Seventeen appreciated Rex putting a hand on his shoulder to ground his ori’vod. Bly went next, starting to tell a story about Ponds during a fairly recent fight that brought small grins to his brothers’ faces. Wolffe joined in, as did Rex, and soon they were all at least smiling.

The one vod that never spoke was Fox.

It puzzled Seventeen how quiet he was. Fox had always been the first to speak up, the first to step in, the first to very loudly give his opinion. But now he was silent. He looked almost like he was disassociating.

“Fox’ika?” Seventeen called, “You alright?”

Fox looked up once he noticed all the attention was on him and nodded quickly, “‘Course,” he assured them, his tone still sounding off, “Just…reminiscing I guess.”

There were a few murmured agreements from around the table, before the conversation turned back to Ponds. Seventeen caught Wolffe looking over worriedly a few times. He idly wondered how many of them made the effort to keep up with each other. He hoped all of them, but knew better than to assure himself of it.

The call went on for a long time, most everyone having a good cry at some point. Seventeen was the only one that left with dry eyes when it was said and done.

He sighed as their blue forms flickered out of existence, and looked across his desk. It was scattered with paperwork, test results, security reports, all the paperwork he’d been relegated to once his leg made it so he could never fight again.

He unlocked the lowest drawer in his desk and pulled out a bottle of moonshine Spur had snuck to him once Ponds’ death had been officially reported back to Kamino. He poured himself a drink and sat back in his chair, scrolling through old comms. There weren’t many with Ponds, just little questions his vod’ika had here and there, and a few scattered conversations about life in the thick of things.

They were clone troopers, which meant they didn’t get holos or recordings of kids running around just being kids. They didn’t get keepsakes or days that could be spent talking and catching up. He’d known he would have to let them go eventually, and that when he did, there would be nothing to tether them to him.

It still hurt.

Three glasses in, he picked up his comm again, and pulled up his conversations with Fox.

It had been nearly six months since they last talked.

A-17: I’m being sent to Coruscant soon for an escort

A-17: We should catch up

He waited a few minutes, then put his comm down. Fox was a Marshal Commander now, he’d respond when he could.

Until then, Seventeen was content to drink to the memory of both Ponds, and the boys his batchers used to be.

#commander cody #commander fox #commander wolffe #commander ponds #commander bly #alpha 17 #kamino #fanfic #my writing #ok so it's no specifically cody #but i figured it would fit for the occasion

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the-cookie-of-doom · 1 year ago

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Cookie's Fic Recs

I feel like no one really does rec lists anymore! But last night I was feeling and sappy and mushy and decide to put together my own little list of fics I love. These are in no particular order, and they don't follow any real theme/tropes other than I dearly love them all, and you should definitely give them a read!

*I tried to tag everyone I could find a blog for, but if I missed anyone, please let me know I can tag them!

The Instinctual Gravitation Towards Warmth by kimkhimhant (@kimkhimhant)

This is my comfort fic. No joke, this is what I read when I want to die. It’s angsty as all hell, it’s made me cry, but it is so indescribably good. Kim is an addict going through recovery, finding love and family along the way. He hits rock bottom—arguably multiple times—but always claws his way back, always with the support of the people that love him. It’s such a beautifully written and cathartic story, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read it. But it’s almost certainly the fic I’ve reread the most.

Error in the Code by BlackwaterVial (@blackwatervial)

Sneaking this VegasPete onto my otherwise KimChay list bc it altered me. I think most people already know what it is, but jic: it’s a sci-fi/cyberpunk/android AU, and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever read. I go feral for androids and this fic delivers in all the best ways. The world building alone makes me weep. But all of the characters interactions, the way we get such an in depth feel for everyone despite the limited PoV, and the most satisfying take I’ve seen on android artificial intelligence ever—I can’t recommend this story enough.

Idiots & Idioms by snickerdoodlles (@snickerdoodlles)

This one is actually a series, and it's genuinely so much fun to read. For the most part it's a SocMed fic with Chay taking over Wik's twitter and making it everyone's problem, and it's fkn hysterical. This one is actually a series, and it's genuinely so much fun to read. For the most part it's a SocMed fic with Chay taking over Wik's twitter and making it everyone's problem, and it's fkn hysterical.

Silver for Truth by snickerdoodlles (@snickerdoodlles)

This fic is the Kim & Khun vs. Tawan team-up we deserve. Kim is a ruthless, demented bitch, that's too cool to beat Tawan to death bc what if he messes up his wrists right before a show?? Big, get 'im. Kim is the feral-est cat ever, leaving behind evidence and bodies for Kinn bc saying "hey bro, I still love you/look out for you" is too much emotion for him. The fic is also from Tawan's PoV which also makes it the funniest thing ever, for reason that I won't spoil <3

The Wiked Lies We Live by shubaka (@shubaka)

Oh my god, this fic. Canon divergence (technically??) where most things happen as normal... except KimChay have been bodyswaped at the start of it. The little twists Shu puts on the events of canon, given it isn't the correct characters experiencing them (such as Big being very confused about why Kim is suddenly nice to him??) are so much fun.

A Portrait of Affection by froginthesun (@froginthesun)

Kim is an artist and Chay is the part time nude model he hires. ‘Nuff said right there, except no it isn’t, this fic is beautiful. Kim’s frustration with his craft is palpable, and so is the way he rediscovers his passion through Chay. The writing is wonderfully detailed, every chapter felt like walking through a museum. And tension slowly building between them—unf.

Sunshine in My Closet by moneskin

This is an A/B/O AU that is so satisfying to read. Typical hilarious boundary violations (Chay stealing Kim’s clothes, a bewildered Kim handing over a freshly worn outfit, having barely any idea who this strange kid is) characteristic of the AU, but then the story also delves deeper into more serious topics. Chay has a history of abuse from a past alpha that he has to learn how to navigate with Kim, who is incredibly patient and works hard to make Chay feel safe and loved. Overall a very sweet and comforting read. Seriously, this fic makes me melt.

Your Body Feels Like Disrespect by Blue_Jay (@bluejayfiction)

This fic is so funny because it begins with Kim blurting out, in the middle of an Important Mafia MeetingTM, that he and Chay aren’t having sex, and then wanting to die about it. Followed by Kim’s family trying very hard to both support and terrorize him. It’s hilarious, sexy, and one of my favorite reads when I need a pick me up. (Bless Kinn’s determination to be a Good and Supportive Brother, and Vegas for being the Worst Person Ever.)

In Silent Screams (In Wildest Dreams) by BelladonnaWyck and StratsWrites

This is definitely a darker fic. There’s DubCon, Kim is generally Sketchy, but it’s very hot. And I love explorations of his character where he isn’t just outwardly psychotic and cruel. This fic shows the kind of dark that I think Kim could have been, if you just tilted his character a little to the left. He still seems very much the way he is in canon, but he’s also… a lot more calculating and cold, sometimes. I love it.

Forget-me-always by bisexualbard (@bisexualbard-writes)

I cannot sing the praises of this fic enough. I think it’s probably tied for IGTW for my most-read fics. I’ve probably read this one more often in reality, but only bc it’s shorter. But oh my god, does it hurt. Kim gets struck with amnesia post-break up, does a little light stalking, and gets Chay to help him learn/remember who he is. In the process realizes that wow his life sucks, and there’s no way he wants to go back to it. Especially if he’s the kind of person that hurt Chay. He would rather start over. (Ofc, he doesn’t get to). This fic makes me cry, it’s so good

Coffeehouse Play by AirgodSLV

This is a canon divergence AU that I adore. The KimChay characterization is on point. I love that despite everything going on around them, they also get to be two boys that hang out and play videogames and try to shove each other off the couch while Porsche makes dinner. Given the age difference it’s so easy to make Kim Older and MatureTM, but he’s still a kid, and this story never once forgets that. It felt so honest and true to his character that Kim does have a lot of plans, and he’s very smart, but he’s also still so young, and sometimes shit just goes wrong.

Want and Need by bisexualbard (@bisexualbard-writes)

God, this fic. T h i s f i c. Post-canon Chay goes to therapy and becomes a camboy (in that order) and it’s delicious. Watching the steady breakdown of his and Porsche’s relationship is so satisfying. Everything one of them does to make things worse feels awful, but is so in character that it’s hard to be mad at them for their decisions. Kim readily giving up control if it means he can be with Chay, and Chay getting a crash course in how to dom. All of it is just. So good. This is such a good fic

Your Look, Through This Lens by WildelyDawn (@wildelydawn)

AU where Chay becomes Kim’s photographer. This fic emotionally hobbled me. Just a fair warning. You will cry. But that said, the ending isn’t nearly as sad as the tags would have you believe! At least in my opinion. I think it’s fairly open/hopeful, and beautiful either way. I love the way this fic shows how Kim balances being Wik while also being part of the mafia. And I love how temperamental he is; always hot and cold, while remaining pretty even as far as how he expresses himself. Always very aloof/detached, just out of reach, with Chay never really sure where he stands/what Kim wants. But at the same time the fic happens just before Kim gets a big break, and the subtle ways he shows his excitement and nerves as things start coming together—it’s wonderful.

Love’s a Two-Way Dream by giraffeter (@giraffeter)

This fic is dark. Kim atticwife’s Chay and it’s not a good time. But!! It’s not just dark for the sake of it; Kim is a genuine sociopath, yes, but it unfolds slowly. You get a sense of creeping dread as he does things that are just a little bit off, until finally the Big Bad Thing happens. At first he seems normal, playing the part of good and respectful boyfriend. But it just goes downhill from there, and I love every word of it. The ending especially is very satisfying.

In the Dark of the Night by bisexualbard (@bisexualbard-writes)

Not to recc everything Bard writes, but… This is a rape recovery fic that I feel handles the subject matter incredibly well. There’s no gratuitous rape scenes, and even with the flashbacks, I don’t remember any of them being incredibly detailed. I think Bard handled the fic with incredible respect and grace. This is another one that’ll make you cry. The way Chay handles his past trauma while trying to have a relationship with Kim is so painfully real. And so is the way Kim wants to help him, but doesn’t really know how. But they figure it out together, and it’s amazing. (Also Kim acquires a stabby child in the form of an OC that I adore.) I just love the path Chay's recovery takes in this fic, it's so visceral and relatable. It's all around just. So good. I love this fic for the same reason I love IGTW and it's because both fics show an excellent depiction of recovery.

Chains and Crowns, A Flower Can Both Make by Sweet_William (@sweet-william-writes)

Incredibly Regency AU. Historical AUs are some of my all time favorites, and this is everything I didn’t know I needed. Sweet_William captures the essence of an Austen-esque style while still making this feel like the KinnPorsche characters. Chay is wonderfully feisty, Kim is delightfully complex, and the various family interactions always had me cackling.

Simple Little Secrets by CorvusCloudburst (@cloudburst-ink)

Chay sees the future when he touches people. Kim thinks he’s either insane, a spy, or a conman. Oh, and Chay’s visions of Kim? Always sex-related. The shenanigans are endless. What more do you need?? They’re both crazy4crazy and it’s my favorite thing ever. Their banter is snappy and fun, the writing is sexy, and it never once gave me second-hand embarrassment despite Chay’s horrible situations.

#cookie speaks #kimchay #kinnporche the series #fic rec #anyway i love all of you #I hope this makes people's days a lil brighter #<3<3<3

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reiderwriter · 1 year ago

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could you write a fic with a fem reader where spencer’s going through withdrawal and he’s being like snappy and stuff when she’s just trying to help? idk if that makes sense?

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I'm sorry it took me so long ㅠㅠ I hope this is everything you were looking for!!

Pairing: Spencer Reid × GN! reader

Warnings: mentions of drug use, mentions of addiction in the family, and spoilers for Season 2 of Criminal Minds.

You can check out my masterlist here!

In comparison with the other members of the BAU, you had the most experience with recovery. So you knew that it wasn't easy. Spencer Reid didn't.

The moment you'd noticed him stepping out on the team, spending more time isolated and with a shorter temper, you knew. Tobias Hankel had only tortured Spencer for a day, but he was still inside him even months later.

The day you realised he was using, you moved yourself into his apartment.

“Hi,” you said as he opened the doors, bleary-eyed from whatever hit he just dealt himself. “My apartment flooded, and I had nowhere else to go.”

Spencer Reid would always help others before he helped himself. It took a few more hours to broach the discussion of the drugs, but when you did get him to give in, you could feel the weight flowing off his shoulders.

“I can't get his face out of my mind. The drugs, they help. And I know they're not really helping, but it's like I'm not strong enough to care.” He'd broken down into tears, placed his supply on the tables in front of you and picked open the wound that had never fully healed properly.

Step one to recovery was accepting you needed help. Step two was harder.

Slowly decreasing his intake until he was free of the drug. Watching him for any negative reactions in the field and at home, dealing with the underlying trauma.

You had to talk to Hotch about it, of course. But he knew about your father, and to a certain extent, you knew about his. A single shared look was enough for you both to agree that Spencer needed everyone's support.

So you dropped him off at his meetings. You picked him up afterwards. You watched him in the field for any mention of addiction and drug-related psychosis that could lead him down a dark path of what ifs.

You held his hand. You kissed his head. You were there.

Even when he tried to show you he didn't deserve it.

“Spencer,” you'd started the conversation trying to get his attention, knowing from the far away look that he was missing the numbness that came with the high.

“Spencer, you look tense. Are you okay?” He'd whipped his head around at the words, a scowl on his face.

“You don't need to hover over me like I'm a child, Y/N.”

“I want to know that you're okay.” You said back, pouring yourself a glass of water to calm yourself again. Sometimes, Spencer made every little question an attack, and you had to learn to dodge the blows.

“I can take care of myself.”

“I want to take care of you.” Your calm reply had him angrier though, as he snorted with a single reply.

“Like you took care of your dad? That worked out so well, didn't it.”

Ten years and any mention of the man who had raised you still had you freezing in shock. You almost didn't notice when your glass tumbled to the ground, to be smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.

It was almost as if the crash woke Spencer up from his stupor, his gaze growing regretful as he stood and approached you quickly.

With a hand and a shake of a head, you stopped him, though.

“Let me clear the large pieces on my own. I don't want you to get hurt.” Kneeling, you did just that, picking out recognisable edges and sides and transporting them carefully into the trash.

“I'm not going to sit here and let you do all the work, Y/N. I'm… I'm sorry.” His voice whispered those last few words as he kneeled next to you sweeping the glass up, careful not to cut himself on it.

You wiped the tears from your eyes as both of you worked busily, letting your argument hang in the air between you.

“I know you're sorry, Spencer,” you whispered as the two of you worked, still not brave enough to look him in the eyes. “My dad was, too. He never meant it, though.”

“I mean it.” He stopped moving, and you finally looked up to his eyes, to the life there that sparked, that had been buried by Tobias Hankel. Motivation.

With the glass cleared, he stood, reaching out a hand to you to help you up. You took it, letting him assist you. He didn't let go after, though. Not immediately.

He stepped closer, and you relaxed into his chest, resting an ear over his heart. It was still beating, and that was what mattered.

“I can't fix you, Spencer. I can't make this better. I can't do that for you, because you have to do it for yourself. That's what my dad never understood.” Your voice was barely audible, but you knew he could hear and knew he was listening.

“I can't reverse what he did to you. But I promise, I will be here to remind you that you are a good man. To remind you of what you are like when you're you how much I love you, how much we all love you.”

“I'll stand next to you and look into that mirror every morning and tell you what I see. A good man on the bad days, the same man on the good days. I don't want to fix you, Spencer. I want to love you, and I want you to accept that you're worth it.”

His head rested on top of yours, and you could feel his small wrecks of tears as he sniffled. Inhaling your scent, he could've spent the night wrapped in your arms like that.

“Thank you. For saying that. For being here. I know it's not easy.”

“It's not. But you're worth it.” Clinging to him, you let the moments tick by, never releasing him from your warm embrace.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid x self insert #mgg #spencer reid angst #spencer reid hurt/comfort #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you

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reimeichan · 6 months ago

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So you're trying to help someone through system discovery. What to do?

Was talking to my singlet partner, who at this point has, somehow, netted 3 system partners and another highly-dissociative-but-does-not-necessarily-have-a-CDD throughout their life, about what it's like to help us through dissociation and system discovery. I honestly don't remember much of my own behavior and actions throughout my early CDD recovery journey because my dissociation was that bad, and I really appreciate them taking the time to sit down with me and talk about their experiences with me. And I figured I'd share some of their wisdom that they shared with me here, along with wisdom others have shared with me and wisdom I've managed to pick up myself.

Let the person define their experiences however they want. You can offer them example and perspective based on your own knowledge and experiences and offer up wording if they're struggling with explaining something, but avoid trying to deny or "correct" anything, especially early on.

Go slowly, and at their pace. Don't push for them to learn more about their system, don't ask them to go digging for trauma memories (please, god, please don't do this), don't force them to stay grounded for extended periods of time if they can't. Sometimes a gentle nudge here and there can be helpful, especially if you know the person well and know what their limits are or at least know what to look out for, but be careful how far you push and at the end of the day it works better to trust that they know themselves better than you do.

Accept them for who they are, yes each and all of them. Not every member of the system will be all sunshine and rainbows, some parts may even be "cringe" in some way, and especially when dealing with someone with a CDD you're almost definitely going to be dealing with traumatized parts or parts that are otherwise unpalatable in some way. If a part comes forward with an identity or experience you're unfamiliar with, give them the same love and acceptance you would any other part.

Similarly, do not push alters away simply for existing. Many people make the mistake of thinking there's a "true" personality in the system (ie. a core/original, sometimes attributed to the host alter) and thus only want to interface with that specific alter. In truth, every alter in the system is just as real as each other and it's important to treat all of them as valid.

Understand that this is probably just as if not more confusing for the system going through system discovery than it is for you. Realizing you're a system or a part of a system can cause massive identity issues and shifts in the understanding of the self. Be patient with them as they may be experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions during this time.

Check what's helpful for them or what they'd like you to do to help them through system discovery. Do they want you to help point out potential switches? Do they want you to help with grounding? Do they want help remembering things that may have gotten lost in their amnesia? Would they prefer to explore things by themselves (or with just their therapist) with little to no outside help? Every system is different and what may help one system could be detrimental to another.

Above all, take care of yourself and know your limits. Step back if things are overwhelming, set boundaries when you need to. You can be there for your loved one when you're in a better place to help them.

#did #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #actuallydid #did osdd #osddid #cdd #plural #plurality #by reimei #by gray

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aimbutmiss · 1 year ago

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It didn't take Mihawk long to catch up to whatever was going on between Shanks and Buggy.

And no, it wasn't because he used to listen to Shanks sob about the clown at dirty bars on random nights back in the day. His previous knowledge of their relationship was not needed with how obvious the red head was being at the moment.

Shanks watched Buggy's every move, listened to his every word as if they were sacred—as if he'd be punished by God if he missed a single thing.

His eyes moved down, to the red lips.

He licked his own in hunger.

He looked away, biting his lips.

So, Mihawk was no genius, but you didn't need to be one to see the desperate need and want in the man's every move.

Buggy saw it too, he was certain—but he ignored it like his life depended on it. He went out of his way to act like everything was normal between them, as much as he could. But the clown's phenomenal act had its limits too. You could see it crack in the way his breath hitched when their eyes accidentally locked, or when their knees bumped under the table. The recovery was fast after those single seconds, but Mihawk's eyes were faster. He watched, he saw, he knew.

The meeting was (thankfully) over, and Buggy was the first one to rush away despite Shanks' proposal to share a drink, leaving them behind. The man in front of him was clearly down in the dumps, but Mihawk had no intention of consoling him. He had done that on many nights in their youth with nothing in return, so he had learned his lesson the hard way. It was better to let the man drink away his worries on his own, as he usually did.

He was more worried about Crocodile, who had looked on the verge of killing Red Hair the entirety of the meeting. And even now, after everything was over, he was still fuming in the seat beside his. The two men didn't like each other, that was another obvious take away from the night. This meeting was a stupid idea from the beginning—Mihawk was surprised Crocodile agreed in the first place. Maybe it was curiosity that pushed him towards that decision, maybe something else—the man was certainly harder to read than the other two. But now, on his cigar number-God-knows-what, Crocodile probably regretted that decision.

He gently laid a hand on the man's thigh in reassurance, shifting his focus away from Shanks. "We should go home now. Let's not keep Buggy waiting."

Crocodile slowly came to his senses, calming down. He put out his cigar with a smirk, staring at Shanks head on. "You're right." He wasn't acknowledging what Mihawk said, but what he meant. No matter what the red head did it was them who got to go home to Buggy, not him. The frustration was unnecessary.

"It's always nice seeing you, Red Hair." Not necessarily a lie, but said to console Shanks nonetheless. He ended up doing it again... He still did have a soft spot for the sad man after all. With that, Mihawk got up to leave and walked side by side with his "business partner" to where Buggy was waiting for them. He was probably gonna be a lot more silent than usual, lost in his thoughts of the past, but that was okay. He wasn't alone— Mihawk would make sure of that. Because, unlike with Shanks, when he consoled the clown he actually got love in return. It felt nice, being loved after loving your whole life. He was glad he met Buggy, and ended up where they are somehow.

Mihawk was a man who didn't like leaving things to luck, but when it came to this—to them, he was grateful for it.

#this might be a mess I'm not sure #I just wrote whatever came to me in the moment #sorry i haven't been writing much btw!! nothing feels right idk 😭#one piece #buggy the clown #cross guild #dracule mihawk #sir crocodile #red haired shanks #shuggy #bughawk

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supernaturalistthings · 1 year ago

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Season 4 Dean Winchester Headcanons

Lazarus Rising- Having a reunion with Dean after hell. You wouldn't believe it's him at first but after reassurance from Bobby and Sam you’d run into each other's arms. He'd be holding back tears while holding you like he needed you to breathe, and THE KISS? The kiss is magical and mixed with tears because you just can't believe you got the love of your life back. The relief you both feel is top tier. “Don't worry baby i got you” But really you'd have him and you know this is the start of a hard road of recovery for him.

Are you there God? It's me Dean Winchester- comforting and reassuring him after his fight with the ghosts of Meg and Hendrikson. Slowly running your hands through his hair and singing his praises because he deserves that.

Monster Movie- You’d accompany the boys on this case and actually be the one to get taken by the “vampire”. Once Dean fights to get you back safe you'd laugh at the shifter together after everything is said and done and just be in awe of your lives and the things that happen.

Yellow Fever- You'd also be on this case with the boys. You'd comfort Dean about his ghost sickness and promise to keep him safe from any angsty teenagers that come your way. He really believes you and clings to you for any comfort he can get. You and Sam do the heavy lifting on the case, sharing the load of your worries about Dean together. You can't help but giggle a little when he gets scared of the cat jumping out of the storage thing. Vowing to tease him for it later, and you do when he's okay. “I had freaking ghost sickness okay?! Let that cat try it now and see how little I care…” he'd say.

Wishful Thinking- He wishes for you to be right there with him which results in the sudden urge for you to drive for hours to get to him. The downside of the curse is that you were not happy about the drive or being mind controlled by a coin so you're livid when you show up. Of course when the curse is broken you both laugh at the whole thing together and needless to say he’ll do ANYTHING to make it up to you;)

The Monster at the End of This Book- You’re shocked to learn that you and your boyfriend are full frontal in a book “youve got to be kidding me” was all you could say. You'd be even more shocked to learn that you have fans and they are “shipping” you and Dean. You'd be grossed out to find out that people also “ship” you and Sam. “Ewww” you'd both let out in unison. “Yeah it better be eww” Dean would huff out in disgust with an added eye roll. Dean would secretly re read the chapters where it talks about your feelings towards him, he secretly loves that its written by a prophet how much you love and care for him. It's a huge reassurance.

When the Levee Breaks- You help him try to detox Sam and are there to calm him down when he's alone. He doesn't tell you that he gave himself over to the angels wanting to enjoy his last moments with you. You constantly have a hand on him and just hold him through the whole Sam demon blood detox telling him it's going to be okay no matter what happens.

Lucifer Rising- You're on Dean's side with the whole Ruby thing of course, you always saw through her and got the feeling she was just trying to manipulate Sam for some reason. You were with Bobby when Dean was teleported to the angels and you both were freaking out knowing there was nothing you guys could do. You sat with him panicked, waiting on any signs of life from either of them. Cas pops in to reassure you guys that Dean is somewhere safe which does nothing for the both of you and you freak out telling him to bring him back which then Cas just vanishes with no answers. Eventually Sam and Dean turn up pretty beat up. You're beyond pissed at Sam when you hear the whole story. You're beyond worried when you hear Dean say the devil is out and it's their problem.

#dean winchester #dean winchester headcannons #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester moodboard #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean x you #supernatural #supernatural headcanon #supernatural imagine #dean winchester headcanon #dean #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x female!reader

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mymoodwriting · 2 years ago

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26.7k, yandere, illegal activities, racer car driving, speeding, drinking, avoiding authorities, alcohol, drunk behavior, medication, drugs, needles, amnesia, smut, gang bang, female penetration, fingering, unprotected sex, handjob, cum play, cream pie, birth control pills, bruising, undercover operation, criminal acts, robbery, kidnapping, manipulation, verbal abuse, near dead experience, car accident, interrogation, restraints, lies, deceit, deja vu (@starillusion13)

I know you get deja vu...

Opening your eyes felt strange, as if you had been sleeping for days and were finally waking up. You took in a soft breath, seeing an unfamiliar environment. Your senses slowly came to, and you heard the beeping of a machine. You lazily looked over, seeing what appeared to be a masked doctor checking an IV drip, intending to add something to it. Your eyes slowly followed the line until you found the needle, feeling it sticking out of your arm.

“… what…”

“Hm, you’re awake?”

“Am… am I… in a hospital?” You looked around. “What happened?”

“Uh… what’s the last thing you remember?”

“My head… it’s fuzzy… wait, what day is it?”

“It’s Sunday.”

“Okay, I didn’t miss classes…”

“It’s summer though.”

“Huh? No, it’s… what’s the date?”

You needed to hear the date twice, not wanting to believe what you were hearing. Because if it was true, then there was a six month gap in your memory.

“Do you really not remember the last six months?”

“What happened…”

You looked up at the person with you, on the verge of breaking down in panic. You were so scared and confused when suddenly a familiar face came into the room.

“Y/n!”

“Chan!”

The tears spilled out when Chan came over to hug you tight. Even if you didn’t understand what was going on, having him here brought you relief. You weren’t alone anymore. He let you cry until you exhausted yourself, completely ignoring the other person in the room as they left, not even asking for them to get the doctor. At the moment he was just glad you were alive and awake.

“Chan… Chan, what’s going on?” You sniffled. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“No… but the other person… what’s the date…”

“Y/n, what-”

“I’m missing six months… my memory… what’s happening?”

“Easy, just take it easy, everything’s going to be alright.”

You had so many questions, but Chan insisted on getting a doctor first to look you over and make sure everything was alright. That’s when you learned how you wound up in the hospital. You had been in a car accident, a bad one as it had flipped over and rolled. You were found unconscious, upside down and buckled into the driver’s seat of the car. Now you were starting to feel all your wounds. The bruises and cuts that decorated your skin, not to mention the whiplash and head injuries. You were lucky nothing had broken, except your mind apparently. The head trauma is most likely what cause the amnesia. Theoretically you should regain your memories, but there was no way to know for sure.

“What happened, Chan?”

“I don’t know. You were driving alone late at night on an empty street. There’s no CCTV to look at, so no one knows what happened to you that night. Only you do, but you’ve forgotten.”

“So I have to remember…”

“You don’t. You’re alive, that’s all that matters. It’s probably best if you don’t remember that horrible night anyway.”

“Chan.”

“Hm?”

“Six months ago I was in school. If I don’t remember I’d basically have to retake a whole semester.”

“Are you seriously worried about that right now?”

“Kinda… all that tuition money… just down the drain… not to mention my education…”

Chan scoffed. “I cannot believe that’s your biggest concern right now. How about you focus on your recovery first.”

“But-”

“Look, I’ll take care of everything, including you.”

“Me?”

“You think I’m just gonna drop you off at your apartment when you get discharged? You’ll stay with me until I deem you fit to be on your own again.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Did you already forget how you wound up in the hospital? You were driving alone in the middle of the night!”

“I…”

“I’m sorry.” Chan quickly apologized. “I didn’t mean to scold you or anything like that… I just don’t want you on your own anymore, at least until I’m sure you’ll be alright.”

“I get that… thank you… and I’m sorry too…”

“For what?”

“I can’t imagine the kind of worry I put you through.”

“Yeah, you have no idea, but I’m just glad you’re safe now.”

You had been unconscious for about three days, having been rushed into emergency surgery upon your arrival. Chan had been staying with you all this time, only stepping out to get food or take a call to keep the others updated. Now that you were up and doing well you could properly start your recovery process. You stayed in the hospital for a little over a week, and then got discharged into Chan’s care. He took you to his place. His loft that you were thankfully still familiar with. There were a few new things though, but you couldn’t explore much until you were better on your feet. So until then Chan attended to your every need, even when you protested. Although he tended to disappear at night, for work.

You wanted to ask about that. A lot changed in six months, but you were certain he didn’t want to talk about it, so you waited. Once you were good on your feet, you kept it to yourself. So one night when Chan put you to bed and went out, you got up and went into one of the other rooms. It wasn’t his bedroom, but his office. Six months ago it had been mostly empty. A few papers hung on the wall, some basic points written on the whiteboard, and some question marks over some silhouettes. Now nearly every inch of the wall was covered with reports, or newspaper clippings, or hand written notes. Although there was a new question on the whiteboard.

“Who are the Black Pirates?”

Eight pieces of red string led from the question to eight headshot silhouettes. Christopher Bang was your childhood friend who had grown up to become a cop, and Chan was the name he had taken upon going undercover. You probably shouldn’t be here, a part of his fake life, but you didn’t want him to be alone. Besides it wouldn’t hurt to have some piece of his real life around, something to keep him grounded and remind him who he really was deep down. Six months ago he was just getting started, having recently gathered up a team and making his way into the illegal street racing scene. From all the information on the wall, the operation was still going, but you weren’t sure if there had been progress. So while you had the chance you looked around, seeing what he had been up to all this time.

❤

“Y/n, what are you doing in here?”

“Uhm?”

You woke to the sound of Chan’s voice, slowly lifting your head off the desk. It seemed you had fallen asleep at some point during all the reading.

“What time is it?”

“Like five in the morning.”

“And you’re barely getting home?”

“What are you doing in here?”

“Just some light reading…”

“Why.”

Chan went over to you, grabbing the papers you had been sleeping on. You merely yawned and rubbed the sleep from your eyes.

“I was just curious. Last I remember you had just begun this whole operation.”

“If you had questions you could have just asked.”

“And would you have answered me properly?”

“…”

“I thought so.”

Chan sighed. “You know this is meant to be top secret information, right?”

“That you just leave splayed out like this where anyone could see.”

“Not just anyone knows where I live. Nor could they get in so easily.”

“Touché.” You looked over at the whiteboard. “You’ve made some progress though. I guess the Black Pirates are an eight member gang.”

“In theory.”

“Theory?”

“There could be members that don’t go out on the field, or members that only participate in gang activities. All we know is that when it comes to committing crimes, the Black Pirates are seen as an eight member gang. At least that’s been consistent the last few months.”

“And you have no idea who it could be?”

“I might have a group of suspects.”

“Oh, who?”

“It’s just a gut feeling, nothing more.”

“So, no real progress then?”

“If it was that easy to catch them I wouldn’t need to go undercover.”

“Right… how are the others?”

“Good, and happy to know you’re alright too.”

“Tell them I said hi, and to come visit me.”

“I’ll relay the message. Now you should go back to bed.”

“Fine.”

You got up and stumbled a bit, your legs still asleep, but Chan insisted on walking you back to your room. You slept in until Chan woke you to eat breakfast, and then you went back to sleep for a bit more. Now that you weren’t bedridden you could start catching up on things. First off you needed a new phone, as yours got destroyed in the crash. Chan had already prepared one for you and added your old contacts. Everyone you messaged was glad to hear from you, having been getting updates from Chan beforehand. You made sure to thank him for all he had done.

Since you were talking with friends again, you brought up last semester and started looking into your academic record. Chan still didn’t want you on your own, so he brought over some of your school things. You had passed your previous classes, and by looking over at your notes it seemed you understood the material well. Everything felt kinda hazy, but you figured you could continue with your planned classes for next semester without worry. Besides, Chan promised to cover your tuition for the next year, along with any other expenses so you didn’t feel like you were wasting money.

He still didn’t like the idea of you regaining your memories, but he was going to support you and your choices.So you slowly began to live your life again. It was a bit difficult adjusting to the sudden time change, but you managed well. Once you were in a better condition you decided to meet up with friends, do a bit of catching up, but it was all mostly from them. You kinda felt bad, hearing all these stories and not being able to remember them. It kinda created this distance between you and your friends. You had fallen behind, and you weren’t entirely sure you could catch up. You didn’t say any of this out loud, but it weighed heavy on your mind. You wanted to remember, but you also understood why Chan didn’t.

You had gotten into a horrible accident. All you knew about it was what you had been told, and the injuries you were recovering from. Chan didn’t let you look at any of the crime scene photos, and he had already asked your friends not to bring up the subject or engage. Truth was you probably should have died that night, but you didn’t. So if you remembered what happened, you’d have answers, but you’d also relive that fear and pain. Maybe it was best to just move on and figure out your life without those six months, but something was also nagging at you from that forsaken void.

One night you had made your way into Chan’s office again, not seeing anything new. You felt bad. All these months and he hadn’t made any real progress. Now you knew undercover work could take years, but you still wanted to help in any way you could. Chan had been working for months, but for you it felt like just yesterday he had started, and just yesterday he was a different person. You hadn’t mentioned it to him, but you knew he had changed. You couldn’t be sure if your accident was the reason, but Chan wasn’t the same person you remembered. He was a lot more cold and serious, even to you. It seemed like he was trying not to be, but it was a part of him now.

While you stared at all his work you found something new on the desk. A sticky note with an address scribbled on it. You typed it into the internet, and going by the location, it seemed to be where the illegal street racing was going down. It was probably a bad idea, but you were curious to see what Chan’s work environment looked like. So you got dressed, finding something you felt was appropriate for the occasion. You caught a taxi, having it drop you off near the area, and then going your own way. For a moment you thought you were wrong and had just come out to a rather deserted area where you were surely in danger, but then you heard it. The sounds of rubber on the pavement, the smell of alcohol in the air, and the wild cheering of the crowds of people gathered for the show.

This area was out of sight, and a good distance from the main roads, yet it had its own racetrack, perfect for illegal street racing. Firstly you were relieved to see your clothes matched the event, so you wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Although there were other ways to get noticed. You made your way into the crowd, looking around at the people, trying to find Chan. Not to get caught, but to know where he was and avoid him. Not to mention the rest of his crew. They’d surely tell on you if they saw you in a place like this. So you kept your eyes open and your ears sharp, picking up on as much information as you could. A race had just ended, and another was soon to begin. You were curious to see, so you tried making your way to the front, but that seemed impossible because of the crowds.

“What are you doing here?”

You froze, thinking you had been caught, but the voice wasn’t all that familiar. So you slowly turned around, instantly relieved to see it wasn’t Chan or his crew, but someone else. They stared at you curiously, but also intrigued, and it was starting to make you a bit uneasy. Although there was something else about him too.

“Uh, what are you talking about?”

“You don’t look like you belong here.”

“Oh… is it that obvious?”

The man chuckled. “You can say that.”

“Huh… well I was honestly just looking for a friend of mine…”

“I’m sure you were. Who are they? Maybe I know them.”

“I don’t know… does the name Chan ring a bell?”

“The leader of Stray Kids, of course. His crew is racing next, going up against The Boyz.”

“You know him?”

“He’s a good racer, but you’re not gonna find him out here. Come on, I’ll take you to him and give you a better show.”

“Uh…”

“Don’t be shy. I know you’re not the type.”

Without waiting for a response the man took your hand and pulled you along. His grip was firm, so you couldn’t really pull yourself free. Besides he didn’t seem all that bad, so you figured you should at least see where this would go. He led you away from the crowds and over to a chained off area, like a VIP section. There seemed to be bouncers around, but they let him and you pass through without issue. Next thing you knew you were surrounded by cars, seeing all kinds, and watching the people around show them off.

“Ya, Wooyoung, what do you have there?”

“Look who I found!”

Wooyoung, as you had discovered his name, brought you before what you assumed to be his friends. There were seven other guys, and four cars present. Now you understood where you were. This was where all the racing crews gathered and hung out in between races.

“Yeah, I bet you found them.” One of the others approached, watching you closely. “Nice to see you. What are you doing here?”

“She’s looking for her friend, Chan.”

“Ah, Chan of Stray Kids, and does he know you’re here?”

“No…”

“That’s rude, isn’t it? You’re friends and he won’t even invite you to his races.”

“He just worries about me.”

“I bet. Yet you came all on your own.”

“Yeah…”

“Interesting… oh, where are our manners, we haven’t properly introduced ourselves. My name is Hong-”

“Y/n!”

That voice you did recognize, and hearing your name called out so harshly made you wince. You slowly looked back to see Chan storming his way over to you, the anger on his face clear as day. He grabbed your arm and yanked you away from the other. Before you could say anything to defend yourself he cut you off.

“You think this is funny?”

You didn’t really know what he meant by that, until you realized he wasn’t talking to you. He was staring down at the guy you had just been speaking to, making you wonder why he’d be mad at them. The other just laughed, and the rest of his crew was chuckling too.

“Honestly, I find this hilarious, and oh so very intriguing.”

“Stay away.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s your one and only warning.”

Chan walked off and tugged you along. You didn’t even say goodbye to the others, but it was probably best you didn’t speak. So you didn’t ask where Chan was taking you, or how he found you, or what that whole scene back there had been about. You wound up over with his crew. They all seemed confused by your presence but greeted you nonetheless, not asking questions. Especially not as Chan told Minho to race in his place, and you were shoved into the passenger side of his car. Chan put your seat belt on for you and slammed the door shut. Now you were sure he was mad at you. Still, you didn’t say anything until you were on the road, an empty road, and you were certain this wasn’t going home.

“Uh… Chan, where are we going?”

He didn’t answer you, instead hitting the gas. You watched as the speed increased, making you grab your seat belt. Your heart was already pounding, filling your ears, and your head began to hurt.

“Chan…”

“…”

“Chan, slow down, you’re scaring me…”

“…”

“Chan!”

“…”

“CHAN!”

He slammed on the breaks and the car swerved to the side. Once it came to a stop you took off your seat belt and got out of the car, falling to your knees as you caught your breath. A moment later Chan got out of the car, glancing your way and leaning against the hood. He sighed and looked up at the night sky.

“That was dangerous, wasn’t it?”

“What is wrong with you!?” You screamed. “Why the hell did you do that!?”

“Cause… this is where it happened…”

“What?”

“Where you got run off the road.”

“Run off…”

You looked around, seeing the empty street. You had been told you were driving alone at night on an empty road with no CCTV, and that something happened that caused you to flip over. No other details were shared, until now it seems.

“What do you mean? How would you…”

“There were three different tire marks on the road, and your car had a few impact points. Suggesting, or confirming, you weren’t out here alone.”

“So it wasn’t an accident… but more of a hit and run… why didn’t you tell me? Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I’m not doing this again.”

“What-”

“Chan, please answer your goddamn phone!”

You were still somewhat processing when you heard your own voice. You looked over to see Chan holding up his phone, playing back some recording of you, probably a voicemail. He couldn’t even look at you, eyes shut and head bowed as the message played.

“When you get this, please call me back immediately. You were right, okay? Shit was dangerous and… I fucked up, but it was an accident! I didn’t… shit, they caught up to me…”

You could vaguely make out the sound of a car engine in the recording, two, hearing them get louder as they got closer. You sounded panicked, and started screaming when your car got hit.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… Chan, I’m sorry… I know you told me to stay out of it… it’s my fault alright… please just call me back so I can tell you everything… I don’t know long I can do this… the Black Pirates-”

Everything cut out as you heard the sound of a crash, and then the recording came to an end. Chan took in a breath as he put his phone away, and you could see the pain on his face.

“That… that was…”

“You were desperately trying to call me that night and I couldn’t answer the fucken phone in time…”

“So, the Black Pirates… they’re the ones that attacked me… but I don’t-”

“Six months ago you followed me to a race, and you made friends with the other crews. I told you to go home and stay out of my work but you insisted on helping me. I foolishly let you, but I didn’t know how deeply you had gotten involved… I don’t know what you were doing that night, or who you were with, or where… but I’m guessing you figured out who the Black Pirates were, and they figured out who you were too…”

“So I know who they are… or at least I did…”

“You almost died that night y/n, and I’m not putting you in danger again. So please, stay out of this.”

“I know who the Black Pirates are… so if I remember-”

“No!”

“But I can help, I-”

“What did I just say? I don’t want your help, I never should have let you in the first place. I’ll find those bastards and make them pay. There’s no reason for you to put yourself through that night again just for the sake of remembering them. That is if you actually know who they are. For all we know, you were getting close or they caught you in a lie and they chased you down for that alone.”

“I’m sorry…”

“I’m the one who should be apologizing… I shouldn’t have put you in danger… I’m sorry…”

“I made you worry a lot…”

Chan scoffed. “Yeah… yeah you did…”

“Sorry…”

“Just promise me you won’t follow me again, that you won’t get mixed up in that shit again.”

“I won’t… I promise… I’ll just stick to school, alright?”

“That’s good.”

You took in your surroundings a bit more before Chan said he’d drop you off back at his place. You apologized for interrupting his night, but he admitted he felt relieved in telling you the truth. That way you knew to stay out of his work, and he could rest assured knowing you were safe. When he dropped you off you playfully wished him good luck, and told him to get back safe. Once back in the loft you went into his office, looking at these things one more time and your eyes landed on the whiteboard, staring at the question.

“Who are the Black Pirates?”

You knew the answer, in theory, somewhere deep down, but it wasn’t worth looking for. Things were better off this way, and now you felt more certain focusing on your life, on your future, than looking into the past. You walked out of the office and shut the door behind you. It was scary to think you had gotten involved in such dangerous things, that you almost died, so you certainly had a new appreciation for life. If only that danger didn’t come back to find you.

❤

Before the new semester began you gave yourself a bit of a refresher course on your previous semester classes, especially those that had been vital to the advancement of your academic career. Your friends even helped as well to make sure you were prepared. Although they all assured you, including Chan, that if you couldn’t handle the classes, there was no shame in dropping out and retaking the others. You stayed positive, but thanked them for their support. You were nervous on your first day, but that was just syllabus day and getting to know what to expect of the class. It all seemed manageable, and you had previous notes to look over if necessary.

Since much wasn’t going on yet your friends suggested going out for drinks to celebrate the beginning of the semester, and make wishes for the future. You were more than happy to attend. It’d be another thing to get your life back on track. So you showered and got dressed for a night of drinking and fun. You started off at a bar before going to continue the party at a karaoke place. You all sang your heart out, and once you were a good amount of alcohol in you all began to wind down. You all held your glasses up and made a wish for the future, whether it was for the semester or for life, but you all cheered each other on and wished for the best.

Definitely time to go home though, and you all sent each other off. You had called for a driver beforehand, so you messaged them to meet up with you to take you home. You waited outside the karaoke bar, dancing and singing to yourself, not as drunk as your friends but rather tipsy. You checked your phone when you were suddenly tapped on the shoulder. A nice boy smiled and bowed at you, asking if you were the lady who had called for a driver. You said yes and made sure to check everything to assure he was in fact your driver. He could see you were unsteady on your feet and made sure to hold you close.

“You know… you look kinda familiar… do I know you?”

The man chuckled. “I guess not.”

“What’s your name?”

“Yunho.”

“Hm…Yunho… pretty…”

He opened the door for you and made sure you were alright in the back. He was a good driver too, making sure not to make you sick. Even if you were intoxicated you had enough awareness to notice he was going the wrong way. You had probably given him your apartment address without realizing.

“Excuse me, but you’re actually going the wrong way.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, my bad, I must have given you the wrong address earlier.”

“No problem, so where am I taking you?”

Yunho was very understanding and apologized for the confusion. When you got to the loft he helped you out of the car and took you up to your place, opening the door for you too. Chan wasn’t home, out working again, so you weren’t worried about him catching you like this, probably wouldn’t approve of it either. You thanked Yunho for everything he had done, especially all the extra bits to make sure you got home safe.

“Really, thank you.”

“Just part of the job.”

“But you did more than necessary.”

“It’s no big deal. Sleep well.”

“Thanks, and get home safe.”

“Will do. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

❤

Your classes had their difficult moments, but that was always to be expected. You were doing well overall, so you could continue with your life as normal, focusing on your studies. Sometimes you would glance at Chan’s office, wondering if there was any progress, but you promised yourself you wouldn’t ask. To give him peace of mind and keep yourself safe. Now that you were back in school and doing well, you talked with Chan about returning to your apartment. He was reluctant, but understood that you were your own person, and had your own life outside of him. It was kinda weird returning to your apartment. Things had changed, but those changes were decisions you made, even if you didn’t remember.

It kinda wasn’t your own place, but it was. So when you had some time you’d move things around again, trying to be comfortable. Your life was soon back on track, and it felt like nothing had ever happened. Everything seemed fine. Chan still kept in touch with you, and assured you everything was alright on his end. You were doing well in class, no longer feeling like you were behind with your friends. Things were moving forward, and yet that’s when the past began to haunt you. It all started with a simple headache in class. You thought it was normal but it only got worse. So your friends took you to the hospital.

“Have you been trying to remember your accident?” The doctor asked. “Or recover any memories from the past.”

“No… my life is doing well without those six months… so there’s no point. Why?”

“Usually headaches suddenly coming on in such a manner are related to regaining memories. Have you remembered anything?”

“No… not really…”

“Do you want to?”

“I’m not trying.”

“I see. It’s been a few months since your accident, so it’s possible the memories are coming back on their own.”

“Oh… there’s no way to prevent that… is there?”

“Memories, and the way the mind functions, still have their mysteries. All I can do is prescribe you some medication to help ease the headaches. Take them as needed.”

“Thanks.”

You called Chan after your visit and told him what the doctor had told you. He seemed concerned, also wondering if there was any way to prevent that. It’s not like you really had control over this, but you promised Chan you would keep him updated if you remembered anything, especially things related to his case. You were scared, but you didn’t tell him. You had no idea the type of things buried inside your head, or what they would change about you if and when they came to light. You tried not to worry about it, but whenever your head hurt, even just a bit, you were terrified. The medicine did help with the pain, but that wasn’t going to stop the inevitable.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

You’d always get distracted after a headache, worried you’d remember something horrendous. On this occasion you weren’t paying attention to where you were going, running into someone on campus. They could immediately tell you were kind of out of it, and showed concern.

“No, no, I’m fine.”

“You sure, you don’t look okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“You should sit down for a bit, collect your thoughts.”

“Yeah… yeah that’s a good idea.”

The boy led you over to a bench, sitting down with you. He suggested some breathing exercises to help you calm down and steady yourself.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. You sure you’re alright.”

“Yeah, just these headaches…”

“Are you taking anything for them?”

“Yeah, but it’s only for the pain.”

“What?”

“The headaches aren’t normal…”

“Are you sick?”

“No… I just got into an accident and I can’t remember some things… according to the doctor, these headaches probably mean my memories are returning…”

“And you don’t want that?”

“I’m scared…”

“Why?”

“Things happened… things I don’t really want to remember…”

“But I don’t think you can avoid it.”

“You’re probably right… sorry, I didn’t mean to dump my problems on you.”

“It’s okay. You’re looking better already.”

“Are you a freshman? I don’t think I’ve seen you around campus before… maybe a sophomore, you do seem a bit familiar.”

“Do I? I guess I just have one of those faces.”

“Maybe… what’s your name?”

“Yeosang.”

“Thank you, Yeosang.”

“No problem. Take care of yourself.”

Yeosang excused himself first, wishing you well for the rest of the day. You certainly felt better after talking to him, but his words lingered. Remembering those months was probably unavoidable. You called Chan afterwards, admitting to the headaches getting worse and that you were bound to remember everything. He was worried about you, but he understood you probably couldn’t avoid it. So he suggested you come back to his place, to make sure you were somewhere safe when it happened. You agreed, saying you’d come by tomorrow after class. He looked forward to seeing you then, and told you to take care of yourself.

You made it back to your apartment, happy to finally be home and unwind. You collapsed on the couch, reaching over for the TV remote only to not find it. You usually left it on the coffee table, but it wasn’t there. You checked on the couch, but nothing either. Then the TV turned on by itself. You slowly looked up at it, confused and frightened. When the channel changed you screamed, looking around your place frantically. You were alone, or at least you thought. A laugh suddenly filled your ears and you grew still. It sent a chill down your spine, especially cause you felt something vaguely familiar about it.

“Finally home.”

You slowly turned around, finding a stranger leaning against the wall, twiddling a remote in his hand. Then you heard the floor creaking, seeing seven others appear, and you recognized some. Wooyoung from the race course, Yunho who drove you home that night, and the presumed student Yeosang. As all the lights were turned on you got a good look at everyone, beginning to recognize them all from the night you went to the street race gathering. You stood up in a panic, although there wasn’t much you could do as they had you surrounded. You reached for your phone only to have one of the boys grab your arm and take the phone from you. He tossed it over to Yeosang, who turned it off.

“Who… who are you, how did you get in here!”

“You really don’t remember anything, do you?”

“What?”

“But you’re about to, which means we don’t have to leave you alone anymore.”

“What… what are you talking about!?”

“It’ll make sense eventually. Let’s go.”

Yunho came over and grabbed your other arm. You struggled against the two, but their grip was firm. While they held you another approached you, offering you a cocky grin before grabbing your head and exposing your neck. You felt a pinch, and then saw an empty needle moving away from your body, becoming fearful of the effects. Your heart was racing, but then you began to feel this exhaustion consuming you.

“No… no, please… please…”

You tried fighting to free yourself, but it only made things worse. The edge of your vision started to go dark, and you were being dragged towards the door. You kept mumbling to be let go, but it did you no good, and the darkness eventually won.

❤

“Hmm…”

As you began to regain consciousness you felt the restraints on your body. Your legs were tied together, as were your hands, and you were gagged and blind folded. You felt a cold surface beneath you, trying to move around and sit up. Although you froze when you heard a voice.

“Are you awake?”

You didn’t answer, you didn’t move, but it was too late to pretend. You felt hands grab you and pull you up to your feet. You were shoved into a chair and then the blindfold was removed. It took a second for your eyes to adjust. You seemed to be in some type of garage, multiple cars around, and the eight from before surrounded you. Yeosang came up to remove the gag, and you didn’t scream, too frozen in fear.

“Goodness, you’re still so beautiful.”

“What… what do you want… from me…”

“Isn’t the answer obvious?” One commented. “You.”

“Ma… me?”

“We could explain all of this, but with your memory returning there’s no point.”

“I don’t want my memory back…”

“But we do.”

“Just… just let me go… please…”

“Not gonna happen.” Yunho stated. “But you’ll be just fine with us.”

“No… no, please… let me go… I won’t say anything…”

“You don’t have to be afraid of us.”

“Let me go!”

“Stop asking.” Another snapped. “We’re not gonna let you go.”

“What do you want from me!?

“You!” Wooyoung yelled. “It’s so fucken annoying seeing you like this! This isn’t who you are!”

“Wa… what are you talking about?”

“Nine months ago you became a better person. You were fucken perfect! Then-”

“Easy there, Wooyoung.”

“Shut it, Jongho!”

“Ya! Both of you.” Another shouted. “We’re not here to fight among ourselves.”

This gentleman came over to you, staring down at you and making you feel small. He laughed, the same from back at your apartment.

“It does hurt to see that I’m nothing but a stranger in your eyes right now. I didn’t really believe it at first when Seonghwa reported you had woken up with amnesia, so I sent some of my men to keep an eye on you. Yet every time you crossed paths with them, they were just strangers.”

“I… I don’t know who you are… any of you… and I don’t want to…”

“Well that’s too bad. Your little friend Chan got you involved, and you don’t get to walk away so easily.”

“How… how do you…”

“Once your memories come back everything will be clear.”

“No… I don’t want to remember…”

“But you will.”

“Fuck you!”

“Oh you did, all of us actually. I’d love to do it again.” He reached over and caressed your cheek. “Maybe that’ll help you remember.”

“Don’t touch me!”

“Fine. Let’s just go back to the beginning, shall we? Nine months ago you secretly followed your friend to a race. Care to guess how that went?”

“No… no, I don’t know…”

“Come on now, Wooyoung even told me he reenacted some things for you.”

“What…”

“You were so out of place, stood out like a sore thumb, you caught a lot of attention that night.”

“Stop talking…”

“We couldn’t help it, so we introduced ourselves, and brought you into our world.”

“Shut up!”

“I’m not going to!”

The boy grabbed your face and forced you to look at him. He was angry and sad, all mixed together and fighting for dominance. You just felt terror.

“I want my y/n back!”

“She’s not here!”

“But I will get her back.” He let you go and walked away. “If you’re not going to cooperate, then I’ll make you. It’s been months but you’re finally on the verge of regaining your memories. A little push shouldn’t hurt.”

“What are you talking about?”

You saw the boy get something from one of the cars, a small case, and set it down on the hood. He opened it and you saw him hold up a small vial and a needle. You immediately began to struggle against your restraints, but it did nothing to help you. As he approached with a needle in hand you tried to move back, only for Wooyoung and another to come over and hold you still.

“This shouldn’t hurt, just open up your mind to remembering the past.”

“Stay away from me!”

“You’ll thank me later.”

You felt the pinch of a needle again, your mind racing with possibilities. You had no idea what he had just given you or what the effects would be. Your head might explode in pain, or you’d simply pass. Although the gradual feeling of everything slowing down was certainly frightening. Things were fading from existence, and time seemed to melt. You tried to fight it, to stay awake, but there wasn’t anything to do as darkness swallowed you whole.

❤

Eight Months Ago…

“So this is your first big case?”

Chan was always passionate about work, about justice, but you never imagined he’d take on such an assignment. Undercover work could take months, even years, but he was determined to do the job. Despite the confidentiality he shared a few details with you, after all, some of them were public knowledge.

“Yup. There’s been a string of robberies in nearby towns. From what we’ve gathered it seems these criminals have ties to illegal street racing.”

“Illegal street racing? Where does that connection come in?”

“They’re good drivers, very good, and you don’t see that with your average criminal.”

“True…”

“Besides that, a lot of these robberies happen in areas where these races have taken place. It’s still a theory, but there’s good enough evidence to pursue it.”

“So you’re going to participate in illegal street racing?”

“Yeah. I know where the gathering is tonight, so I gotta make a good first impression.”

“By yourself?”

“I’ve assembled my own crew.”

“Oh, can I go watch?”

“No.”

“What? Come on.”

“This is dangerous work, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“But it sounds so fun!”

“And if you get arrested?”

“You can just bail me out.”

“Y/n.”

“No?”

“Please just stay out of this, and stay safe.”

“Alright fine, just don’t have so much fun without me.”

Chan chuckled. “I’ll try not to.”

You kept your word about not getting involved. Although whenever you came over to his place you had to peek into his office to see what he had gathered. Not much as far as you understood, but you’d always enjoy listening to Chan give you a debrief. He probably shouldn’t be telling you about the operation, or even have contact with you while he was undercover. You didn’t want him to be alone though, especially if this assignment could take years. He probably should have objected, but he also didn’t want to completely lose touch with his actual life, especially the person he was closest to. Besides all that, it was good to voice his findings and get an outside perspective on things.

For a while that was good enough, but curiosity was killing you. So one night you managed to put a tracking app on Chan’s phone, and followed him out to one of his races. You were a bit worried about how you were dressed, but upon arriving it seemed you’d fit right in. Or so you thought. Chan never wanted you there, so you had to be careful to avoid him, but you were also trying to find him. He was one of the racers, he had his own crew and everything, and you wanted to see him in action. You discovered there was a lot more going on here than just racing. It was like one big party with drinks and drugs, and all kinds of things.

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this.”

You were lost in your own search that a strange voice startled you. The gentlemen immediately apologized and offered you a light bow. Although he kept a cocky grin on his face.

“First time?”

“Uh… is it that obvious?”

“Very. Are you alone?”

“Not exactly…”

“Makes sense. People don’t just wind up here without some sort of connection.”

“Yeah. I’m just looking for my friend.”

“Oh, who’s your friend, maybe I know them?”

“I doubt that.”

“Try me.”

“Chan?”

“Chan.”

“Yeah…”

“The leader of Stray Kids?”

“So you do know him?”

“Yeah, but you’re not gonna find him out here. Come on, I’ll take you to him.”

“Oh no, wait-”

Before you could protest the guy grabbed your arm and pulled you along. You weren’t sure where he was taking you, or if it was a good idea to go along with them, but his grip was pretty firm. He led you over to this blocked off area, although the security posted let you both pass without any trouble. Soon enough you realized where he had taken you. There were cars all over the place, music blasting through the speakers, hoods popped open, and people talking about the cars. This is where the race crews hung out, and where they brought special guests.

“Guys, look what I found.”

“Oh shit, who’s the babe, Wooyoung?”

“This is… my bad, I never got your name.”

“It’s y/n.”

“Pretty. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Wooyoung, and these are my friends.”

You were introduced to seven other boys, and they all seemed very happy to meet you. Although the leader came over to personally greet you.

“I’m Hongjoong.” The boy took your hand and kissed it. “Leader of this wonderful crew, Ateez.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“So tell me, what brings you out here tonight?”

“She was looking for her friend.” Wooyoung commented. “Chan.”

“Chan of Stray Kids?”

“That’s the one.”

“I didn’t know he had such good looking friends. Well that’s a lie, I’ve seen his crew, but I didn’t know he was hiding you.”

“He wasn’t really hiding me.” You corrected. “He just never invited me to one of his races before.”

“Well that’s rude. Why wouldn’t he invite you?”

“He just worries about me.”

“I guess I’d worry too if I had a friend like you.” Hongjoong laughed. “Come on, I believe Stray Kids are up next to race.”

Hongjoong took your hand and led you over to the race course, taking you to a place with an elevated view. The rest of his crew gathered around, and you could see the cars driving up to the start line. The two revved their engines to hype up the crowd. You recognized Chan behind the wheel, becoming very excited to see this all play out.

“Who’s Chan racing against?”

“I don’t know, some random guy.” San replied. “It’s probably they’re first race against one of the big crews.”

“How many crews are there?”

“Uh, big ones, there are eight now. Everyone else is just trying to climb the ladder.”

“So how do you determine who’s on top?”

“Whoever has the most wins, and the crews’ skill behind the wheel.” Yunho explained. “No one ever really thought someone else would rise to the top, but Stray Kids really proved themselves.”

“So do the big eight ever race each other?”

“We do, but it’s usually a surprise, or for special occasions.”

“Wow, Chan has really been keeping a lot from me. I didn’t know he was so popular.”

“Stray Kids have skill, and there’s definitely natural talent there too.” Yeosang commented. “Although they’re quite stiff.”

“Stiff?”

“You know, cold and reserved. They’re good behind the wheel, but it kinda feels like they don’t fit in here.”

“Well maybe they need to loosen up.”

“Yeah?”

“This whole place looks like one big party. I would have thought Chan and his crew would fit right in.”

“Oh no, the real party happens elsewhere.”

“Does it?”

“Out here is where we come to race.” Seonghwa stated. “But if you want a party, I can send you an invite.”

“Really? Are Stray Kids going to be there?”

“You a big fan of theirs?”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind having some familiar faces around while I make new friends.”

“I suppose we should also give them a proper chance.” Jongho added. “See what they’re like off the track.”

“Sounds like fun.”

You watched a few races before Ateez took you back over to their spot. Since you were new to all this they were very eager to show you their cars. Mingi brought you over to what he said was one of his favorites. He reclined back the driver’s seat so you could rest more comfortably on his lap. You kept an arm around his shoulders and listened intently as he told you about the car. As he revved the engine he had you bouncing up and down, making you giggle.

“You must like going fast.”

“That type of adrenaline, it’s intoxicating. Would you like a taste?”

“I don’t think I could drive a car like this.”

“You can be my passenger princess.”

“Isn’t it dangerous to have more than one person in the car?”

“Nah, that’s what makes it more fun.”

You caught Mingi’s eyes lingering on your lips, and soon your eyes were doing the same. All of the Ateez members were quite beautiful, so anyone would be lucky to be sitting in Mingi’s lap right now, it just so happens to be you. Maybe you were imagining things, but you swear it looked like Mingi was leaning over to kiss you. That is before you got interrupted.

“Y/n?”

“Huh? Oh shit!”

You heard your name being called, and when you looked over you saw Chan by the hood of the car. Your eyes went wide as you realized you got caught, especially in this type of situation. You tried to scramble out of the car, but Mingi already had his arm wrapped around your waist and held you in his lap.

“Mingi…”

“Chan?” Hongjoong peeked over at the scene. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, right!” Wooyoung suddenly yelled. “We were supposed to call you and tell you your friend was here.”

“Were you?”

“Mingi, please let go.”

Thankfully Mingi let you go, and you got out of the car to meet Chan. He was keeping his cool, but you could see the anger in his eyes. You offered a shy smile and let him grab your arm, dragging you off to speak in private. You prepared yourself for the scolding you were about to receive.

“What the hell are you doing here!”

“Look… I can explain…”

“Did I not tell you to stay out of this! How did you even find me?”

“A tracking app…”

“A what!” Chan checked his phone. “Unbelievable.”

“I know… you should take better care of your phone.”

“Y/n!”

“Sorry… I just got really curious about your case… I couldn’t help myself.”

“How long have you been here?”

“A couple hours… I saw you race too.”

“Seriously?”

“Sorry.”

Chan sighed. “Fine, whatever, you got what you wanted, now go home and don’t come back.”

“But I can help.”

“I told you I don’t want you too.”

“Well you need me to.”

“What?”

“I was chatting with Ateez and they told me about you and your crew. You worked your way up to the top, and they recognize you have talent, but they don’t like you all that much.”

“The social game is a work in progress.”

“Well I’ve given you a great chance.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Ateez mentioned something about a party tomorrow, outside the track, and they want me to come. So I convinced them to invite you too, that way you can all break the ice.”

“…”

“You’re welcome.”

“Y/n, this is fucken dangerous!”

“I know, and I’m being careful, alright. I didn’t approach them, they approached me, so that already puts me in a good position to gain their trust.”

“I don’t need you to help me out here.”

“But I can give you an advantage. Why wouldn’t these guys want to show off to some pretty girl? They’ll tell me things without hesitation, and that includes the illegal shit. Someone might just let something slip about those robberies around me, and they wouldn’t even be worried.”

Chan took a moment. “No. No this is too dangerous and you-”

“Please. I don’t want you wasting years of your life in all this. If I can help you gain the trust of the other crews here, or get you some valuable intel, let me.”

“I don’t want you in danger.”

“I’ll be careful, and I’ll stay within my own comfort zone. If I don’t like something, I’ll leave, I promise.”

“Y/n-”

“I promise.”

“Fine… fine, but don’t do anything reckless.”

“I won’t.”

Even if Chan agreed to let you help him, he was still worried about you. So every now and then he’d check in and ask if you were alright, always reminding you that you could walk away whenever you wanted to. The reassurance was great, but you wanted to stick with him and see all this to the end. Being invited to that party was what really opened the door for both of you. Chan drove you to the place, and you were left in shock. You rolled up to a mansion, music blaring loudly, party lights illuminating the windows, it felt like something out of a movie. For a moment you thought how they could do such a thing without issue, and then remembered the long drive to get out here. There was no one else for miles and miles.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you could make it!”

Seonghwa and Hongjoong greeted you upon your arrival, big smiles on their faces. Then they acknowledged Chan and the rest of Stray Kids. There was a bit of awkwardness in the air, but you figured some drinks and a party could loosen them all up. The two led you all inside, showing you where to get drinks, and where the entrance to the backyard was. There was a pool and you took note of that for next time.

“Come on, I want to show you around.”

Seonghwa took your hand and led you through the house. You knew Chan would probably worry about you, but you had your phone on you, and had promised to leave with him. So you’d see him again later in the night. You were honestly impressed by everything Seonghwa showed you, it was all so extravagant. Although when he led you upstairs you got a bit nervous.

“Should we be going up here?”

“No place is off limits, besides, it’s my house.”

“Wait, this is your place?”

“Yup.” Seonghwa chuckled. “Did you think we rented out a mansion for the party?”

“I… I don’t know… but… it’s huge… I can’t imagine how much it cost.”

“Plus the renovations.”

“Renovations?”

“Trying to increase the value. We’re planning on moving out in the next couple months.”

“Why? Did you find a better place than this?”

“Something like that.”

“Seriously though, how can you afford this? Who even are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Street racing doesn’t pay the bills.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“Wait, do you guys make bets?”

Seonghwa laughed. “Of course. You think the people gather just to look at the pretty cars?”

“I… how much do you bet?”

“In the thousands, tens of thousands, but I do come from a rich family. Most of the racers from the big crews do.”

“Oh, do your parents know what you do?”

“They don’t care about me.” Seonghwa’s voice got somber. “They never did.”

“Neither do mine…”

“You? What kind of family do you come from?”

“An average one. We weren’t wealthy but we lived well. I was a good student, but I guess that was expected of me so my parents never really told me that they were proud… I got into Uni on a full ride, but that was expected too… I honestly did it so I wouldn’t owe them anything…”

“Do you still keep in touch?”

“Not really…”

“Me neither. Not like they’d be proud of me anyway.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“What?”

You giggled. “You’re quite famous in the racing scene, aren’t you? I haven’t seen you behind the wheel yet, but I’m sure you’re great. After all, you’re part of the big eight.”

“You’re funny.”

Seonghwa brought you into one of the rooms on the second floor, his own, and took you out onto the balcony. You could see the party below, loving the atmosphere from the whole place. It was a nice view.

“This is a good little place to get away.”

“Yup, just the two of us.”

You didn’t notice at first, but Seonghwa stepped away for a moment to bring over a bottle and two glasses. He poured you and himself a drink.

“Shall we toast?” You asked.

“To what?”

“Well, this may sound silly, but even if no one else is proud of me, I am. So I hope you can be proud of yourself too.”

“Proud?”

“Not everyone can be a street racer, right?” You leaned in close to whisper. “And I’m pretty sure you’ve avoided the police a lot.”

Seonghwa scoffed and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. His actions caught you by surprise, and when you saw his face you could see a soft little smile on his lips.

“To us.” He raised his glass. “For being proud of ourselves when no one else will.”

“To us!”

You needed to be mindful not to drink so much. Even if the point of a party is to have fun, you were kinda working here. So you stayed with Seonghwa for a bit, just sticking to one glass and talking. You asked how he got involved in the racing scene, genuinely curious but also trying to get information. He didn’t mind, telling you that at first he had done so to get his parents attention. Buying expensive cars, especially those designed to go fast. It got him nothing, so he thought to get in trouble with the law but that’s when he met Hongjoong. The boy recognized the style of car he had and asked if he could race. At the time the answer was no, but Hongjoong took him under his wing and now here he was.

“You’re such a bad boy.”

“I hear girls are into that.”

“As long as they have a heart of gold.”

“Do I qualify?”

“I’m not sure.”

You suddenly heard the door open, and you both peeked into the room to see another boy stumbling in. He noticed you two and smiled.

“My bad, looking for the bathroom.”

“On the second floor?” Seonghwa questioned.

“First floor is occupied with a little line.”

“Ah, well my bathroom is right there.”

“Thanks.”

The boy stumbled his way over to the bathroom. He did seem vaguely familiar to you, so you asked Seonghwa.

“Do you know him?”

“Yeah. That’s Younghoon from The Boyz.”

“The boys?”

“Boyz, with a Z, but yeah. He was racing last night.”

“Oh, yeah, I saw him. The Boyz are a big group.”

“Eleven drivers, although the biggest would be NCT.”

“NCT?”

“It’s rare to see them all on the course, but they got different groups among themselves.”

“Damn… so besides them The Boyz are the biggest?”

“No, that would be Seventeen.”

“There’s a group with seventeen members?”

“No, the group name is Seventeen, but there are thirteen members.”

“Then why are they called Seventeen?”

“I’m not good at explaining, but we can go find one of them and ask.”

“Sure.”

You liked the idea of socializing, getting to know more people so you’re not so much of an outcast anymore. Although as you were heading out Younghoon came out of the bathroom.

“Hold on, who’s the girl?”

“This is y/n, she’s new on the scene.”

“Makes sense. I haven’t seen such a pretty face. The name’s Younghoon.”

“Nice to meet you. I saw you race yesterday, you’re good.”

“Thanks. If you ever want a ride, just let me know.”

Younghoon came over to you and took your hand, Seonghwa immediately grabbing your other one. He just made Younghoon laugh as he took out a pen and wrote down his number on your arm and signed his name.

“Call me.”

“I’m sure I will.”

Seonghwa did end up taking you to meet some of the other drivers, and you may have gotten another handful of drinks along the way. Things did get blurry, but you had pieces of coherence every now and then. You remembered being on the dance floor with Wooyoung and Yeosang for a bit before getting pulled into a drinking game. Then there was the charades after a quick dunk in the pool, you wound up in some of Yunho’s clothes afterward. Although you swear you’ve never had so much fun in one night. As daylight began to peek over the horizon the people began to disperse, but some remained. You wound up slow dancing in the backyard with San for a while before passing out. Of course you weren’t staying over, but you needed to be laid down to rest. You weren’t able to relay that message to Chan, so in the morning he was looking around for you.

“Ya, Hongjoong, have you seen y/n?”

“Uh… she should be upstairs, I think they put her down in Jongho’s room, fifth door on the right.”

“Thanks.”

Chan made his way upstairs, and gently knocked on the door before opening it. He walked in to find you curled up on the bed, cuddling with Jongho and mumbling.

“You’re like a teddy bear… can I take you home…”

Jongho giggled. “You can just stay with me.”

“Hm… that’s not a bad idea.”

“Y/n, we have to go.” Chan said. “Come on.”

Jongho helped you up, getting you on your feet and going down with Chan to make sure you were alright. You said your goodbyes to Ateez, and thanked them for the party. You hoped to see them again soon. Chan got you into the back of the car and sat with you, Minho driving and Felix passed out in the passenger seat.

“That was so fun… did you not drink?”

“Someone needed to keep their head.” Chan explained. “Minho and Seungmin didn’t drink either.”

“Boo, next time you should have fun.”

“I see you sure did. What’s with all the phone numbers on your arms?”

“Oh… just gathering intel… I have more numbers on my phone… you can probably do something with them, right?”

“You… how many…” Chan grabbed your arm. “That was dangerous.”

“It wasn’t my idea… Younghoon liked me and gave me his number… then some others wanted to add to it.” You chuckled and started pointing out names. “This is Woozi, oh and here’s Jungwoo, that’s Jaeyoon… Yeonjun wrote his number on my arm somewhere…”

“Did she just do months of work in one night?” Minho questioned.

“I guess.” Chan commented.

“Some things require a woman’s touch and I have more numbers on my phone.” You added. “Was running out of room on my arms, but Jooheon was happy to be the first to be in my contacts list. Look, he sent me a cute winky face message.”

“You really outdid yourself.”

“Hm… plus I got other things too… a lot of them come from wealthy families… a chaebol here and there… I didn’t know you guys bet money…”

“The illegal stuff isn’t just the racing.”

“How much do you have?”

“Enough to play.”

“You gotta tell me about these things.”

“How about a proper debrief when you’re sober. You should rest, you did a lot tonight.”

“Hm… yeah…”

❤

After that first party a lot of things changed. Now you were in the loop about the case and the progress that was being made. With the information you gathered you were able to learn more about the racers, and who they were outside the track. Although that created a new issue.

“If these guys are our main suspects, then the question becomes why.” Changbin wondered. “The racing I get. A bunch of bored rich kids having fun, but committing crimes? They already have money, so what’s the point?”

“It’s the thrill.” Minho stated. “To do something illegal and then run away from the cops.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure even if they got caught they’d still walk free. So I ask again, why?”

“Maybe it’s just fun for them.” Jeongin said. “A game they play, or something they do just to see if they can. Like you said there won’t really be any consequences for them.”

“That alone creates a problem for us.” Chan reminded. “If there is no real motive behind these cromes, then there is no pattern to their actions. We can’t really get the upper hand on them, so we’d just have to wait for them to make a mistake. Which isn’t ideal. How are we with checking alibis?”

“That’s a game in itself.” Jisung sighed. “We’ve got five robberies so far, and a long list of suspects. Thankfully they’re rather public figures so some of their alibis are out in the open.”

“Anybody clear?”

“Not all the way. Some still have no solid alibi for some nights, not to mention we don’t even know how big the group of criminals is.”

“Does anybody stand out to you?”

“Not really…”

“Are we even making progress?” Seungmin asked. “It doesn’t feel like it. I mean we could be completely wrong about these guys.”

“What about style?” You suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“You told me that you were investigating the street racers cause the drivers at the crime scene were exceptionally good. Most drivers have their own style, or certain things they do behind the wheel. Is there any way you could try to compare the two, and see if anyone matches up?”

“Hm… there isn’t really footage of the illegal racing.” Hyunjin commented. “But if we study the CCTV footage of the car chases, we might be able to do an onsite comparison based on our memory. It could help us narrow down the list and give us a better idea who to focus on. Great idea y/n.”

“Happy to help.”

“You should have been with us from the start.” Felix added. “You’re good at this.”

“Well someone didn’t want me helping.”

“I still don’t really like this.” Chan said. “But you have been a big help, so thanks.”

“No problem.”

Chan did have to draw the line at the CCTV footage. You could probably find it on the internet yourself, but he wasn’t going to let you look at police evidence. You were fine with that, it would be easier to just get close to some of the racers and see what you could get out of them. So you did just that, going to races when you could, but your education still took priority.

“Y/n! There you are! I didn’t see you last time.”

“I had an exam to study for. Couldn’t risk coming out and getting wasted.”

“You could have let us know you had a curfew.”

“But would you follow it?”

“Maybe…”

“Exactly.”

You got along well with all the racers, even those who weren’t in the big eight. Especially considering you were always in their area, considered more one of them than just another spectator in the crowd here to drink and bet. Stray Kids always drove you here and took you home, so you really just had to show up and enjoy yourself. Out of everyone though, Ateez seemed to like you the most, and they’d always find you when you were around.

“You really take school seriously.”

“Of course. I’m trying to build my life here.”

“Or you could just settle down with me.” Yunho suggested. “I promise I’ll take good care of you.”

“Yeah? Well, I appreciate the offer but I must decline.”

“Come on, why? I’m good looking, I got money, I-”

“I don’t know you.”

“What?”

“Outside this life, I’m not sure who Jeong Yunho is.”

“Then perhaps you should get to know him.”

“Hm…”

“What’s going on over here?” Mingi asked, coming between you two. “Y/n, good to see you, missed you last time. I was racing and really wanted you to ride with me.”

You chuckled. “Some other time then. Although I might pass out. You guys go too fast.”

“That’s part of the thrill.”

“I guess I’ll see one day.”

You wound up over with Ateez for the night, having a drink and relaxing on the hood of one of their cars. Even out there you could see the stars in the sky. You always enjoyed star gazing, but in a place like this it was far from quiet, and dangerous. You were just talking with San when suddenly you heard yelling, and the sound of sirens in the distance.

“Fuck, it’s the cops. We gotta go.”

“Cops?”

“Come on.”

Hongjoong grabbed you and pulled you off the hood of the car, shoving you into the backseat. San was already behind the wheel, and once Hongjoong was in the passenger seat you began to move. You could barely sit up properly in the back, the car going so fast so quickly, it made you nervous.

“Can you… like slow down or something…”

“Gotta outrun the cops.” San apologized. “I don’t feel like spending a night in jail, or getting my baby impounded.”

“Alright then…”

“You good back there baby?” Hongjoong asked.

“Yeah… yeah… I didn’t know cars could go this fast…”

“Well hold on tight.”

Somehow you managed to get your seat belt on, and kept your head low. You were definitely scared but this was also quite exhilarating.

“Do you guys do this often?”

“What? Run from the cops?” San questioned.

“Yeah…”

“Maybe more than most.”

“Those pigs rarely find us racing.” Hongjoong said. “But I guess even they get lucky sometimes.”

You almost hit your head a few times on the journey, but when San swerved off the main road into a parking garage without warning, you smashed your face against the headrest of the seat in front of you.

“Y/n! Are you okay!?”

Hongjoong quickly got out of the car and checked on you, seeing you had a bit of a nosebleed. San had also gotten out, looking into the back.

“Look what you did!”

“We got away, didn’t we!”

“I’m fine.” You assured. “Did I get any blood on your seats?”

“Who cares about that.”

“It’s expensive…”

“Cars can be fixed, can’t say the same about people. Come on, get some fresh air.”

You got out of the car, San coming over to hand you some tissues to clean up the blood. They were really worried about you, but you were fine. Now that the immediate danger had passed, you found yourself smiling.

“That was insane. You guys really know how to drive. I could never imagine outrunning the cops. I guess it’s not just about being fast.”

“It’s a whole other world behind the wheel.” San said. “Sorry this is how you got a taste.”

“At least I’m not in a jail cell, right?”

“Exactly.”

You all hung around for about an hour to let the heat die down. Then you drove back to the Ateez house, meeting up with the rest of the crew and a few others who had escaped the police. That’s when you got a call from Chan and told him that you were alright and with Ateez. He said he’d come by to get you, so just wait for him.

“You know you could just stay the night.” Wooyoung suggested. “We got plenty of room for you.”

“I appreciate that, but I have classes in the morning.”

“We can take you.”

“If I show up in one of your dope ass cars, I will get so many questions.”

“Are you not already the center of attention at school?”

“I go to a big university, plenty of other people get more attention than me.”

“Then they’re all blind.” Mingi yelled. “You are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Stop it before I die of embarrassment.”

You played a few games while you waited around for Chan. Despite their desire for you to stay, you couldn’t, and said you would some other time. You wished the good night and went on your way with Chan. Once you were alone with him you had questions.

“What the hell was that tonight?”

“What?”

“The cops showing up?”

“You think I control all the police? Sometimes they get wind of a race and come to arrest people. Also, not every other cop in the area knows we’re undercover. This was bound to happen.”

“And if I got caught?”

“I would bail you out.”

“Now you say that.”

“Well now you’re part of the team. Besides, a lot of people split up, us included. It was a good opportunity to see what these guys look like driving away from the police.”

“True.”

“Are you okay though? What’s with the blood?”

“Oh, minor nosebleed. I’m fine, just a bit scared by the whole thing.”

“I should have warned you better about that.”

“It’s fine. Made me blend in with my clueless friend cover.”

“So, Ateez again?”

“They like me. Not the best idea to put all my eggs in one basket I know, but if I get close to at least one crew, I can get them to spill tea on the others. You’re still the new ones, but the others might know about the robberies and who’s carrying them out.”

“Perhaps. Just don’t do anything dangerous.”

“I know, I know.”

Undercover work was more of a night job for you, so during the day you lived your life as normal. You’d text some of the other racers throughout the day, acting like friends, but there wasn’t much else. You thought you could keep these lives separate, but they had other plans.

“Y/n!”

You were heading off campus to go home when a car honk and your name being called caught your attention. You looked over to see Jongho waving at you excitedly, Seonghwa leaning against the car. Your eyes went wide in surprise, and Jongho hurried over to you.

“Done for the day?”

“I… yeah… how did you find me? I don’t think I ever told you-”

“When you know the right people you can find anyone. Also money, come on, I bet you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Oh, well-”

“The others are waiting.”

You couldn’t argue with Jongho as he took your hand and led you to the car. There really was no way to say no, so you went along. They took you to a restaurant, meeting up with the rest of Ateez there. The boys were happy to see you, asking about your day and listening intently. The restaurant you were at was quite fancy, and there weren’t even prices on the menu. They of course told you not to worry, that everything was on them and you should just enjoy yourself.

“What do you guys even do with your free time? Don’t you all have lives?”

“Is that meant to be an insult?” Yunho questioned.

“No, no, of course not. I just… you all had some time today to take me out to dinner. One or two of you would make sense, but all eight of you? What do you do when you’re not behind the wheel?”

“Whatever we want.” Wooyoung said. “Watch TV, go out into town, shop, legally drive.”

“All of you?”

“More or less.” Hongjoong added. “And we hang out with each other.”

“Don’t you have… family responsibilities? Some of you-”

“Not really.” Seonghwa cut in. “Our parents rarely see us as a good fit for anything.”

“Oh… sorry… I didn’t mean to pry… I’m a bit jealous though, about the freedom you have.”

“Jealous?”

“You do as you please everyday, no financial worries, or worries about what your future will look like. It can be whatever you want, and you can change your mind at any time.”

“You’re talking about stability.” Jongho corrected. “Which isn’t out of reach for you, or anyone. You’re studying and making plans for your future. One day you’ll have your career and everything you could want.”

“But there’s no guarantee for me. You guys were born with stability… I have to try…”

“Does it worry you that much?” Mingi asked. “Your future?”

“Yeah…”

“But you’re so young. There’s still so much life for you. Studying and making plans, it sounds like where you’re supposed to be. It’s rare to have everything put together at your age.”

“I guess…”

“Hey, let’s just focus on today.” Yeosang said. “We’re all together sharing a meal, and each other’s company. You always gotta enjoy the little things.”

“You’re right about that.”

They all shifted the topic over to happier things, ultimately picking up your mood. Dinner wasn’t the only plan for the night. So you wound up with drinks and karaoke, letting the time split away in a haze of joy. You don’t know when you finally left, but you didn’t go home.

“Is there a party at your place tonight?”

“No. Do you want there to be?” San asked.

“No… nobody else needs to come.”

“No? How come?”

“Cause I want you all to myself.”

You vaguely remembered being drunk in the back of a car with San. You were leaning against, your breath against his neck, and he was looking at you like you were the only thing in the world. His eyes lingered on your lips, and he couldn’t help himself. San leaned in to kiss you, and you kissed back. The two of you got closer, deepening the kiss, and then you roughly got pulled away.

“I want a turn.”

Wooyoung tasted differently, but his kiss was just as deep. San wasn’t just going to sit back, coming in close, his lips against your neck. You’ve never really had attention like that before, so you were quite happy.

“Take it easy back there.” Yunho commented. “Don’t distract me.”

“Keep your eyes on the road.” Mingi stated. “We’ll get a turn later.”

When the car came to a stop Wooyoung and San were pulled away from you. Next thing you knew Yunho was helping you out and then carrying you in his arms.

“You’re not drunk.”

“I had to drive, remember?”

“Hm… that’s sad…”

“I can drink now that we’re home.”

“Yeah?”

“Will you drink with me?”

“Sure. I can go for another round.”

“Ya, ya.” Hongjoong interrupted. “We’re not trying to give you alcohol poisoning, baby. No more drinks for you.”

“Come on… need even orange juice?”

“Juice is fine, but nothing alcoholic.”

“Yes captain!”

You giggled and held on to Yunho, going into the house and to the kitchen. He set you down on the counter, getting a glass and some bottles. You reached for one but Yeosang took it from you.

“What did we say?”

“I just wanted to pour Yunho a drink.”

“Hm… I can do that.”

“Okay.”

Yeosang gave you a chaste kiss on your cheek. He had a few drinks with Yunho, and you enjoyed your juice. You couldn’t really keep up with the conversation, but they found your babbling cute. You didn’t know how long you stayed up, but more came to join in, and you could vaguely remember the soft kisses and hands all over your body. It all felt so nice you never wanted it to end, but your body had to tap out at some point.

❤

“Hm…”

You took in a soft breath as you came to, stretching your limbs while in bed, slowly waking up. When you opened your eyes the peace of the morning was shot down. You didn’t recognize the room you were in, which means you weren’t home. You quickly got out of bed, only to stumble to the ground, your legs a bit shaky. You weren’t in your own clothes either, instead wearing your panties and an oversized shirt, no bra either.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

Wasn’t hard to imagine what had happened. You looked around the room, finding some pants, they fit well enough, and some shoes to put on. None of this was your own but you needed to move. Thankfully your phone was on the nightstand, and you started looking into calling yourself a ride. You carefully peeked out the room, seeing the empty hall. By now there was no doubt where you were. It was the Ateez house, and you could not remember last night.

“Morning.”

You were creeping down the hall when you heard a voice and immediately froze. You slowly turned around, giving Mingi a shy wave.

“Hi…”

“You’re just in time for breakfast, come on.”

“I should really get going though… uh, where are my clothes?”

“In the dryer. You spilled some juice on yourself.”

“Oh… right…”

“You don’t remember?”

“Last night’s a blur for me right now… and I don’t-”

“We didn’t do anything.”

“Huh?”

“We didn’t fuck you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I… I…”

“Not that we wouldn’t, but we’d rather you be sober.”

“Oh…”

“We did kiss you up and down though.”

“Uh…”

“Come on, breakfast.”

Mingi took your hand and led you downstairs to the dining room. The other boys greeted you, Seonghwa and Yunho setting up the table.

“Can I help with anything?”

“Just take a seat, we got this.” Seonghwa smiled.

“Thanks…”

Everything smelled so good, and you were quite amazed by the fact they could cook. Yeosang and Jongho served you, making sure you got the best of everything.

“Are you feeling alright?” Hongjoong asked. “I got some hangover soup for you if you need it.”

“I’m okay, not as bad as I could be.”

“I’m glad.”

“So then… this is dumb… but you all really live here together?”

“Yeah, our shared space away from responsibilities and family and all that nonsense.” Wooyoung said. “You’re more than welcome to move in, we’d love to have you.”

“Oh no, I doubt I could pay rent for a place like this. Besides, Seonghwa told me you guys were planning to move soon.”

“Right… forgot about that…”

“Besides… last night… why didn’t you take me home?”

“Cause you were drunk.” Yunho explained. “We couldn’t just leave you alone. You’re also assuming we know where you live.”

“Right… sorry…”

“We do, but it’s more about you being alone.”

“You were also sucking face with San and Wooyoung,” Mingi added. “So it’d be mean to send you home alone.”

You felt your face start to burn. “Uh… I… um…”

“Don’t tease her.” Jongho said. “Last night was enough fun for everyone.”

“I hear venom in those words.” San chuckled. “Is it cause she was in my room and not yours?”

“Watch it.”

“That’s not how you speak to your hyung.”

“Guys, calm down.” Yeosang stated. “Can we just enjoy breakfast together?”

“Fine.”

“Good. Y/n, I’ll take you home after this.”

“Ya! No fair!”

You giggled. “Thanks, Yeosang.”

After breakfast your clothes were dry, so you were good to go. The boys packed you some hangover cures, but of course San and Wooyoung tagged along to drop you off.

“Thanks for last night, it was a lot of fun, even if somethings are hazy.”

“No problem, just let us know if you need anything.” Yeosang assured. “Get some rest.”

“You too.”

It was certainly strange to spend time with Ateez outside of the racing, and parties, but it was also nice. Outside of being suspects in a criminal case, they were good people and their heart seemed to be in the right place. You didn’t tell Chan about this, knowing he’d be worried about you spending time with Ateez unsupervised. The problem is this wasn’t a one time thing. You began to see Ateez more often. Some would come by for lunch, or find you around campus and just spend time with you. Little by little, visit by visit, they felt more like friends than anything else. Although you couldn’t hide it forever. The chemistry that others would see at the track spoke for itself.

“Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“Can we talk?”

“Sure.”

You had been spectating a race with Hongjoong when Chan came over, pulling you away. You went over to his area, getting into one of his cars. The windows were tinted, and he put on some music to fill the silence.

“What’s up? I don’t think we should be talking-”

“What’s going on between you and Ateez?”

“Uh… well…”

“All of a sudden you seem real close to them.”

“I did say it was a good idea to get close with one group and see-”

“How close?”

“What?”

“Have you slept with them?”

“Chan!”

“I’m serious. Socializing and gathering information is one thing, but if you’ve crossed a line-”

“I cannot believe you’d ask this!”

“These guys are suspected criminals!”

“And when was the last time a robbery was committed? What if your crew moved on and you’re all just here driving in circles? Did you think about that?!”

“Y/n, these people are dangerous, criminals or not, and I don’t want you getting so mixed up with them.”

“Well I’m not sleeping with them, okay? And these guys are just normal people! Just cause your suspected criminals are good drivers, doesn’t mean they do this illegal street racing stuff. Maybe they’re normal race car drivers, have you looked into that? Or maybe they don’t race at all besides the-”

“Enough!”

“…”

“I’m taking you home, and I want you out of my case, understood?”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“Am I clear!”

“Crystal! And I’ll take myself home!”

Before Chan could yell some more you got out of the car, slamming the door. You stormed off, heading out of the VIP area and into the regular crowd. You just needed to get to the main road and could get a ride from there.

“Y/n-”

“Leave me-”

While you were on the move you suddenly felt someone grab your arm. You quickly yanked yourself free, beginning to yell but stopping when you realized it was Mingi.

“Sorry, I didn’t… sorry…”

“Are you alright? I saw you storming off and leaving the race course.”

“I’m just not feeling well, so I’m heading home early.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear. I can take you home, it’d be better-”

“No, it’s alright.”

“I insist. I don’t like the idea of you going home alone at this hour.”

“Mingi-”

“Please. Maybe we should get some ice cream first.”

You chuckled. “That’s not a bad idea.”

You went with Mingi, waiting for him as he brought his car around. He was serious about the ice cream, finding a place still open and getting you a sweet treat.

“Are you seriously okay?”

“Well I’m feeling better now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing really. It’s just… Chan really doesn’t like me being around all this stuff… the racing and all that…”

“Does he not like us?”

“Honestly… I don’t think he does…”

“I get your childhood friends, but you’re your own person, and capable of making your own decisions.”

“I know, he knows, but he still worries.”

“I would too. So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know… but I have a lot to think about.”

You stayed with Mingi for a while, small conversations and silence, just appreciating his company. Looking back you probably shouldn’t have yelled at Chan like that, but thinking about that whole conversation frustrated you all over again. Maybe you both overreacted, or it was just you. Either way you weren’t sure what you should do, for now you just wanted to ignore everything, and Mingi knew that. So instead of taking you home as he said, he took you back to his own place. Telling you it was probably best to go somewhere Chan wouldn’t find you immediately, giving you both some proper space.

You thanked Mingi for his thoughtfulness, and ultimately passed out in his room. He had informed the rest of his crew that you were in the house so they wouldn’t be surprised when they got home. Also to ease any worries if anyone asked about you, not that they would say where you were. The boys were happy to see you in the morning, acting like you had stayed over and not talking about the night prior. You were grateful for that, remembering that Ateez were just as much your friends as Chan and the rest of Stray Kids were. You could make your own decisions about the company you kept.

“Y/n, your birthday is coming up.”

“What? How did you-”

“It’s us.” Yunho smiled. “How could we not know?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“So, got any plans?”

“Uh, well, not really, haven’t thought about it. My friends usually throw me a semi-surprise party.”

“How about this year you spend it with us?” Seonghwa suggested. “We’ll throw you a big party right here.”

“Yeah! We’ll invite everyone, and have a big cake, and lots of presents.” Wooyoung added. “It’ll be great!”

“I don’t know…”

“It’ll be fun, the best birthday party ever.” Yeosang said. “If you want that is, we won’t push it, but you should let us treat you for your special day too.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“A big party would be way more fun.” San mentioned. “So think hard about it.”

“I-”

Your phone started ringing, halting the conversation. When you looked at the caller ID you saw it was Chan, getting nervous. You got up and stepped away from the table, going into the room next over.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’m at your place, could you let me in? So we can talk?”

“Uh… about that… I’m not home right now…”

“Not… where are you?”

“Just… uh, just a friend’s place.”

“Friend? Don’t tell me you’re with Ateez?”

“And if I am?”

“What did we talk about last night?”

“We didn’t talk, you yelled at me.”

“Cause I’m worried about you being alone with these guys. Suspects or not, they are not a good influence on you.”

“And you are? Look at the company you keep.”

“That’s part of-”

“Whatever. I’m going home now anyway, please don’t be there when I arrive.”

You hung up without waiting to hear him speak. You were already upset about last night, and this wasn’t helping.

“You okay?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t sound too happy.” Hongjoong admitted, having followed you. “Everything alright?”

“I guess. I have to get home, so thanks for breakfast.”

“I’ll drop you off, your house, promise this time.”

“Fine.”

It was better to get a ride than to call for one. No one else tagged along this time, as Hongjoong didn’t let them. He took you home as he said, although when you got there you noticed Chan’s car, meaning he was waiting for you.

“Y/n?”

“You know what, let’s have that party.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup.”

“Great. We’ll take care of everything, so don’t worry. We’ll pick you up on your special day.”

“Thanks.”

“Take care.”

“You too.”

You thanked Hongjoong for the ride, going up to your apartment. As you feared Chan was there waiting for you. There was silence between you until you were both inside.

“You were supposed to go home last night.”

“Mingi had other ideas. Took me out for ice cream first, and I didn’t want to come back here.”

“You could have let me know.”

“And have you show up at their place in the morning? No thanks.”

“Look, about last night. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry. I worry about you getting involved with them and if-”

“That’s the key word, if. Look, I get Ateez is on your list of suspects, and all I’m doing is gathering information. I don’t intend to stay friends with them if they’re found guilty, or not. This is just part of the job, right?”

“Except it was never your job to take on.”

“I volunteered for this, so you don’t bear the responsibility here.”

“I let you, so I do. And I was serious about you stepping away.”

“And how exactly do you think I should do that? All those guys know me, they like me.”

“Just tell them you’re focusing on school. Distance yourself and I’m sure they’ll just forget.”

“I guess…”

“Are we good?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. I’ll get going then, since I know you didn’t want to see me right now.”

“Bingo. Have a good day.”

“You too.”

Of course you didn’t entirely listen to Chan. You knew he had a point, and you didn’t exactly lie when you said you’d cut ties with these people once the job was done. That wasn’t now though. They were your friends and you wanted to maintain the relationship. Especially considering what happened. A few days later it was on the news. A robbery had taken place, and this time the criminals had left behind a message. You rushed over to Chan’s place once you saw the news. He didn’t want to share information, but he couldn’t stop you once you were through the door.

“So you have a name now?”

“Yes. The graffiti left behind was a black flag with a skull and crossbones along with a name, the Black Pirates.”

“So that’s who’s been behind the last few robberies.”

“It seems so.”

“And for your information, they are street racers.” Minho added. “So you were spot on about comparing the driving styles.”

“Really? Who do they match?”

“The juries still out on that, but the way they moved is similar to what we’ve seen in the races.”

“We also got a number this time.” Felix stated. “From what the cameras picked up before they got taken out there seems to be eight pirates.”

“Eight? So wouldn’t that rule out the smaller groups like Mons-”

“Not exactly.” Jeongin cut in. “Just cause we saw eight this time, doesn’t mean there’s always been eight.”

“But it would make sense. There’s always been two getaway cars.”

“There could be some members of the Black Pirates that don’t participate in illegal street racing.” Hyunjin explained. “Or vice versa, given there are groups with more than eight members, like NCT. They could alternate depending on the hit, or have outside help.”

“So we don’t really have much.”

“We know we’re looking in the right place.” Seungmin said. “Now it’s just about finding the evidence, and catching the culprit.”

“So it is progress.”

“Any bit is better than none.”

That was good to hear, even if this whole operation was now months in. At least they knew that this wasn’t all a waste and they were on the right track. That in itself must be a huge relief to them, for you too actually. You may not really understand the danger, especially when they first started. Surely getting in must have been a lot of trouble on its own. Still, you had your own things to focus on. It was your special day after all, and you were quite excited. Your friends usually threw you a party, which meant you needed to tell them about this year’s plans. You were going to, but when you brought up your birthday they said they got the invites already.

Apparently Ateez had already invited all your friends, and they were very excited about the party this year. They had lots of questions regarding your new friends, but promised to bother you about it later because today was your day. Classes weren’t that difficult, and you planned to go home and get dressed, but there were other plans. As you were making your way off campus you were surprised to find Mingi and Yunho waiting for you. There were already plans in place for your special day, and that started with some shopping. You should premiere a new outfit at your party, and they were gonna take care of everything.

You couldn’t really say no, even once you saw the price tags. They took you to some high class stores, places you’d never shop at normally. At first Mingi tried to hide the price tags from you, telling you to pick what you liked, but you couldn’t help it. You thought you were dreaming when you saw the zeroes, but they told you money wasn’t a problem. Took a lot of coaxing, and they told you this was basically your present. They wanted you to look nice, for your beauty to shine, and it would be unfair to deny them that. So you caved, and looked only at the styles and found something you liked.

The boys had you walk out in your new outfit, and had a few others to change into later in the night. From there you went over to the house, and you were left in awe as you stood at the front door. The place was mostly decorated, some people still working on the final touches, but it looked insane. Everything practically screamed Happy Birthday at you, and it honestly felt so surreal. The rest of the boys came over to give you birthday wishes and ask you how everything looked. It was incredible already. The snacks and food laid out on the tables, all the party games they had scattered around the house too. You had never been to such a party. Even the previous events they had before was nothing compared to this.

“I have to ask… you invited my friends… how did you get their numbers?”

“We just borrowed your phone for a bit.” Yeosang admitted.

“When?”

“Sometime ago.”

“But-”

“That’s not the concern right now. If you have anything more to do to get ready, go ahead.” Seonghwa suggested. “You can use my room.”

Seonghwa took your shopping bags and led you up to his place. It was still early so the party wouldn’t be starting soon. You were pretty much ready to go aside from some makeup, but you held off on that. Since you had time you worked on homework, wanting to have one less thing to worry about so you could truly enjoy the night. Of course if Ateez caught you they’d probably say something, but this was for your own benefit. Thankfully you finished your assignments just as you heard music blasting through the house.

Wooyoung was the one to bring you down to the party. Even if you didn’t know a lot of the guests, they all seemed to know you were the birthday girl. So you got many birthday wishes, more than ever before. When your friends showed up they were so excited to see you, and everything else that was going on for you. They couldn’t believe such a party had been thrown for you, and graciously thanked the boys of Ateez for their generosity. You were a bit embarrassed, but you could dwell on those feelings some other time. The night went on, and you spent lots of time with your friends. It almost felt like you were at a club more than anything, and with no worries about creeps bothering you.

“Mind if I steal a dance?” San whispered in your ear, joining you on the dance floor. “You look smokin.”

“You tell me this now?”

“Well, I can say it again and again if you need me to.”

“Hm, that sounds nice.”

“Or…”

“Or?”

“How about I give you your birthday present?”

“Present? Isn’t that after the cake?”

“You can have my present first.”

“Hm…”

“Come on.”

San took your hand and apologized to your friends as he was going to borrow you for a while. They all smiled and gave you thumbs up, waving you off. You were quite curious as to what kind of present San had for you. It could quite possibly be anything. So when he led you down to the garage, you were starting to think he bought you a car. That would be insane, and you wouldn’t even know what to do with it. Although things quickly changed when you saw someone else.

“There’s the birthday girl.” Wooyoung waved, sitting on the hood of a car. “You ready for your present?”

“Yeah. You guys got me a car?”

“What? No, this is one of our race cars.”

“Oh… then… what’s my present?”

“Us.”

“You?”

“We figured tonight we should give you a present you won’t forget.”

Wooyoung opened the back door of the car, San leading you over to it. He had you lay back and then he climbed on top of you. Although you put your hands on his chest to stop him.

“You want to do this… in your car?”

“Well, I want it to smell like you. That way you’re with us the next time we use it, even if not physically.”

“Oh… well you guys are certainly something else.”

“If you don’t want to, just say so.”

“This is my birthday present, isn’t it? I want to receive it in full.”

“As you wish, princess.”

You had never done it in a car before, but San seemed to have some experience. It made you a bit jealous, but it was all to make sure you enjoyed yourself tonight. Of course Wooyoung was still there, waiting his turn. He was sitting in the driver’s seat, watching you from the rear view mirror and stroking his length, only allowed to imagine himself on top of you for now. On occasion you’d make eye contact with him, and you could see the lust in his eyes. He might not even let San finish and just go over and yank him off you, but he was a patient boy.

You on the other hand, not so much since San being proper with his prep work. When he finally gave it to you, relief washed over your face. He stretched you out so good, like it was a perfect fit, but since he had already prepped you, he didn’t give you the satisfaction of feeling him whole and started moving. Obscenities spilled from your lips as you grabbed onto whatever you could, letting him take control.

“Fuck, fuck, San…”

“Just take it like a good girl. I know you can.”

“Hm…”

“Don’t fuck her brains out.” Wooyoung commented. “I get my turn after you.”

“She’s the birthday girl, and deserves the best, so I’ma give it to her.”

He wasn’t wrong there, giving you everything he had. At times you swear you saw white, and he put all his attention into your pleasure. He was adamant about holding out and making you cum first, which he succeeded in. Your body shook underneath him as your orgasm took over, your center squeezing him tightly and forcing him to spill his seed inside you. San had been trying to hold out but he couldn’t deny you in the moment.

“Fuck, y/n, you feel so tight.”

“Aw, fuck, that’s not fair.” Wooyoung whined. “That should be me.”

“Did you make a mess in the front?” San asked. “Seriously?”

“You made a mess in the back.”

“Not alone.”

“Stop bragging. It’s my turn anyway.”

In a matter of seconds Wooyoung had gotten out of the car and went over to the back. He pulled San’s pants up and shoved him to the side, wanting to get a good look at you.

“So pretty.”

“Hm.”

Wooyoung gently caressed your cheek, his hands then trailing down your body. You were so sensitive at the moment, the slightest touch made you shiver. He loved the goofy smile on your face, clearly still high.

“You ready for more baby girl?”

“Will you be gentle?”

Wooyoung chuckled. “No.”

“Good.”

That was all he needed to get started. Wooyoung dipped his fingers into your sloppy center, scooping up some of San’s seed and using it to write his name out on your stomach.

“I think we forgot to ask, but are you taking anything? Or is San gonna become a daddy?”

“I’m okay, you’re the only daddy I need tonight.”

“Fuck, baby girl, keep talking like that and I’m gonna make you a mommy.”

“Bet.”

Wooyoung wasn’t gonna wait around much longer, angling himself perfectly and grabbing your hips before thrusting into the mess between your legs. You were still so sensitive, so his rough movements made you shake all over again. You bit your lip as the last bits of your previous orgasm fluttered through your body, and then got replaced by Wooyoung’s actions. He wasn’t San, but he had his own way of making you feel good. He took advantage of your state too, rubbing your clit and groping your breasts to divide your attention. He had all kinds of signals going off in your brain.

“You’re such a good fuck.”

“Hm… more…”

“I know, baby, I got you.”

Wooyoung pulled you closer, getting relentless as your words motivated him to do better. He wanted to watch you unravel beneath him, and the desire was taking over. You didn’t notice when San had gotten himself together, but he had gone to the other side of the car and looked down on you. Although Wooyoung tried to push him away, especially when San started kissing you. It didn’t work though as he kept coming back, even when Wooyoung scolded him. Still, he could only really focus on you, wanting to make you scream his name, which is exactly what he got. You grabbed his arm tightly, mumbling out for him to go faster and make you cum. Your words excited him and he gave you just that, holding your face with his free hand as you climaxed.

He watched your lips tremble, eyes roll back in ecstasy, knowing he was the reason for your actions. That, and feeling you hug him so tight, was enough to push him over the edge. Wooyoung locked eyes with you, wanting to ride out his high while he made your body tremble, watching everything you did. Your smile filled him with such satisfaction, he leaned down to kiss you, lips then trailing down your body. With two orgasms under your belt you were quite tired, and sore, and far more sensitive than before. Wooyoung stayed with you for a moment before pulling out, giving you some more chaste kisses. He gently pulled up your legs, trying to make sure you were comfortable, and San got into the back so you could rest your head in his lap. Thankfully you weren’t cold, even if you were partially undressed. The heat from their love was enough to keep you warm.

“You good?” San asked while petting your head. “Did you like your present?”

“… yeah… so good…”

“We’re glad to hear.”

“We should have bounced her on the stick shift.” Wooyoung commented from the driver’s seat. “Before we filled her up. Would have made it all the more special.”

“Next time perhaps, what do you say, y/n?”

“Hm…”

You stayed semi curled up for a while, just letting your body wind down after all that fun. Although you couldn’t stay there long. You had shut your eyes, partially falling asleep, only to open them wide at the sound of knocking on the roof of the car. You looked over and found Yunho peeking in and taking you in.

“What’s this?”

“She was receiving her gifts.” San stated. “And she’s very happy with them.”

“Is that so?”

“Hm.” You hummed in agreement.

“Well, can the birthday girl come up for cake?”

“Cake?”

“We can’t cut the cake without you, everyone’s waiting.”

“Uh…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you and it’ll be quick.”

Yunho helped you sit up and get your clothes back on. He didn’t comment on the mess between your legs but he did help you clean up a bit. It wouldn’t be good to have cum running down your leg while everyone sang happy birthday to you. Once you were presentable you got out of the car, only to realize your legs were shaky. Yunho effortlessly picked you up in his arms bridal style.

“I’ll take you up.”

“Thanks.”

You were a bit shy, but you couldn’t object to this. Yunho carried you upstairs to the party, taking you outside to where the cake had been brought out. Everyone cheered when you arrived, Jongho lighting the candles on the cake, one of many actually. Yunho gently put you down, and allowed you to use him to support yourself. Everyone got quiet and then the singing began. You had never heard so many people sing before, let alone with such excitement in their voice. You took a moment to make a wish and then blew out the candles. More cheers erupted, the cake began to get cut, and then everything went dark. One moment you were receiving hugs and good wishes, and then you had cake in your face.

You laughed as you wiped icing off your face, seeing Jongho with an empty plate of cake, and a revealing smile on his face. You quickly grabbed him and pressed messy kisses to his face, getting him covered in cake too. He seemed to enjoy it, although you couldn’t stay that way. As the initial excitement calmed down, Yeosang led you and Jongho upstairs to clean up. You wound up in his room, and even though you tried to clean yourself up, he suggested getting in the shower. It wasn’t a bad idea, especially considering the type of gift you had received already. So you didn’t hesitate to take your top off, leaving Yeosang and Jongho in shock.

“What? It’s not anything you haven’t seen before.”

“I… I…” Jongho mumbled. “Yeah, but I didn’t think you were so bold.”

“Neither did I.”

“I’ll get you some clean clothes.” Yeosang offered. “I’ll be back.”

You went into the bathroom and stripped off the rest of your clothes, hopping into the tub. You took a quick shower just to clean yourself up, and get any sugar out of your hair. When you finished you stepped out with a towel wrapped around you, even though you had your bra and panties beneath. Yeosang handed you some clothes, and once you were dressed Jongho cleaned himself up. It wasn’t as much as you so he just needed to wash his face.

“Cleaned up already?”

Seonghwa softly knocked and entered the room with a plate of cake, happy to see you were alright. He would probably scold Jongho but you told him to leave it alone, surely someone else would cake your face.

“You guys really went all out for me.”

“Of course, it’s your birthday. You should be celebrated to the maximum.”

“I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me today.”

“Well the night is still young. Here, you should enjoy some cake.”

Seonghwa was happy to feed you, and the cake was quite good too. Although you were getting icy all over your lips. Seonghwa was gonna reach over and wipe it off when Yeosang grabbed his hand and decided to kiss you, cleaning up the icing along the way.

“Yummy.”

“Ya!” Seonghwa yelled. “You can’t just go around kissing her!”

“Why not? I heard WooSan already gave her a present too.”

“What?”

“Yeah, they went down to the garage.” Jongho added. “I bet they made a mess.”

“The garage, is that true?”

“Uh… well…” You were a bit shy, trying to hide your face. “Yes…”

“I see… did you like it?”

“It was… nice…”

“I didn’t know you were such a bad girl.”

“What?”

“You’re supposed to get presents after cake, not before.”

“Oh, well… I didn’t-”

“Since you’ve had cake now. I suppose I can give you my present too.”

“Sure. What did you get me?”

“A very unique gift.”

Seonghwa put down the plate and grabbed your hand. He kissed it softly and then led it down to rest on his crotch. Your eyes went wide and you looked up at him, feeling more shy than before. He just smirked.

“What? You think I don’t know what those two troublemakers did? There are cameras everywhere, baby.”

“Oh…”

“No need to be shy. Although I understand you might be a bit tired, I’ll take good care of you though.”

“Ah, well…”

“All of us.” Yeosang added.

“Huh?”

“Did you think we were just gonna leave you with Seonghwa? That’s hardly fair.”

“So all three of you…”

“Can you handle us?” Jongho questioned. “It’s okay if you can’t, we’ll teach you.”

“You guys are being too much.”

“It’s only fair. The birthday girl has to get the best for her special day.”

Seonghwa leaned in close to kiss your cheek before taking the plate and setting it down on the dresser. Yeosang had you move up and lay back on the bed. The clothes you were wearing were loose fitting and easy to remove, leaving you in your undergarments.

“You’re all being very bold tonight.”

“We have been waiting for this too.”

“Really? You must have been so frustrated.”

“You have no idea.”

Yeosang was pushed to the side as Seonghwa climbed on top of you, stealing a kiss and tasting cake on your lips. His hands explored your body, ultimately pushing up your bra to feel your breasts. He had been holding himself together, but he couldn’t keep doing that. Seonghwa began to undress, getting you out of the last bits of clothes you had on too. Now that you were completely exposed he began pressing kisses all over your chest and lower stomach. Your focus was solely on him until a shirtless Yeosang crawled onto the bed and started kissing your hand. He made you giggle, which brought a smile to his lips.

Although Seonghwa wasn’t happy about your attention elsewhere, so he got it back the only way he sought fit. You let out a ragged moan as Seonghwa pushed a finger into you without warning. Your eyes shot down at him, seeing the big smirk on his face. You didn’t need that much prep, still recovering from the car sex. Which worked in your favor as you didn’t have to wait too long for Seonghwa to fuck you. He was still a tease though, going slow with his fingers, pressing long kisses on your clit, making you whine at every point. You couldn’t play his game for long.

“Seonghwa you better fuck me soon or Yeosang can go first.”

“Don’t make threats like that.”

“It’s my birthday, isn’t it? What I say goes.”

“Tsk. I like a dominant woman, but tonight you’re at my mercy.”

Maybe you should be careful what you wish for. Seonghwa grabbed your hips tightly, pressing on the bruises that were forming thanks to Wooyoung, and swiftly pushed his length into you. He could have teased you, but since you asked for it, he was gonna give it to you, every last bit. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you gripped the bed sheets.

“Fuck…”

“You wanted it.”

“Yeah… keep going…”

“Oh I will.”

Seonghwa started off gentle, wanting to let your body adjust, but he wasn’t gonna be a tease for long. Before you knew it he was going at a relentless pace, making your whole body move with him. He wanted you to himself and pushed Yeosang away, holding your hands in his and watching you with lust in his eyes. You tried to keep your eyes on him, but whenever he hit your sweet spot you couldn’t help but shut your eyes in bliss and tremble.

“You like that?”

“Hm…”

You were close, and you could tell he was too as he was losing his rhythm. It was a bit funny to think you had cleaned yourself up only to wind up with your legs spread so soon. You were gonna get filled up, which reminded you to mention it. Although Seonghwa said he knew, having been listening in to your previous session.

“Pervert.” Jongho commented.

“As if you’re not gonna go look up the security footage later.”

“Shut up.”

Seonghwa leaned in for a deep kiss as he kept his momentum going, freeing his hands from your grip and using them to play with you and push you over the edge. Your orgasm seemed to push him over the edge and he held you close as you both rode out the high together. He pressed his forehead against yours, the two of you breathless but with smiles on your faces.

“You good?”

“Never better.” You exhaled. “Although I’m not your first.”

“But you can be my last.”

“Hm…”

“Move over!” Yeosang shoved Seonghwa off you. “My fucken turn.”

“Ya! I wasn’t-”

“She’s so delicate right now I wanna take advantage.”

You barely even heard the end of Yeosang’s statement before he pushed himself into you, making the cum in you overflow. He let out a delightful moan as your body trembled and accommodated him among the mess. You gripped the sheets, letting out a shaky moan. You were still coming down from your high when Yeosang took over, making it so pleasure and pain began mixing. His hands trailed your body, kneading your breasts and taking them into his mouth on occasion. You reached over to feel his body, looking down as well to see where you two met. You never had this much fun before, and this was surely the best birthday present ever.

“You still with me, princess?”

“Yeah… I’m trying…”

“Trying?” Jongho questioned. “You’re barely halfway done here.”

“You jealous?”

“Who wouldn’t be?”

“Then be a good boy and wait.”

They’d each have a turn but they really didn’t like losing your attention. While you had been talking with Jongho, Yeosang slowed down, making you whimper. He didn’t move, forcing you to grind down on him for your own satisfaction. Then without warning he started back up again, grabbing your hips, which were definitely gonna be purple tomorrow. He was just a tad bit upset and now really taking it out on you. So it wasn’t long before another orgasm washed over you, making you shake and hold him tightly, which ultimately pushed him over the edge too.

“Fuck, you’re so good… we should do it again.”

“You’ve had your turn, hyung.” Jongho commented.

“Let the maknae have their fun too.” Seonghwa added. “If not for them we might not have gotten here.”

“So I wasn’t gonna get my present if not for Jongho?”

“Oh you would have gotten it one way or another.”

Jongho did give you a minute to rest and recover, laying down at your side and taking your hand in his, kissing it gently. He looked so dreamy with you, and his eyes were so big and bright. You couldn’t imagine what he had in store for you.

“Are you enjoying your party?”

“For the bits I’ve been in, yeah.”

“That’s good.”

Jongho started off slow and soft, knowing you were definitely sensitive. He carefully rolled on top of you, pressing soft kisses against your skin, making you feel very loved.

“Will you be alright?”

“Yeah… just be yourself.”

“If you can handle it.”

“I can.”

“Then I’ll test you on it.”

You laid with him for a while as he continued to pepper you with kisses. His touch would send sparks up your body, and when his lips finally reached your core you ran a hand through his hair. It was swollen and achy down there, but his gentle touch was soothing. You were lost in his softness that you didn’t notice when he was getting himself ready until you felt him pushing into you. He gave it to you inch by inch, holding your legs apart, watching your mouth hang open in silent bliss.

“I got you baby girl.”

Jongho held your hands, rocking back and forth softly. You moved with him, eyes shut and soft whimpers escaping your lips. He was a different kind of good, and you didn’t expect his strength. He slowed down a bit, picking you up in his arms and thrusting up into you. More soft moans escaped your lips into his ear, giving him strength and motivation. You wrapped your arms around him, using all your strength to hold on. He took care of the rest and managed to wring another orgasm out of you. He loved how you melted in his arms, and he could feel every little movement of your body as it was overwhelmed with pleasure.

Jongho pressed a kiss to your cheek, laying you back down on the bed and gently teasing you before he reached his own climax. This time he pressed his lips to yours, holding your hands tightly and riding out his own orgasm while feeding into yours. As you both caught your breath he laid beside you, still holding your hand. The other two had joined you in bed as well, all of you together in a little pile. You could feel the aches and bruises starting to form but you paid them no mind, still very happy with the overall experience.

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks…”

You felt like you had probably fallen asleep for a bit, rightfully so. You awoke to the sounds of vibrating, sleepily sitting up and looking around. You were still in Yeosang’s room, and weren’t entirely alone. Yeosang and Jongho were still with you, taking a nap too, but Seonghwa was gone. Regardless, your focus shifted to the vibrating noise, looking around the room. You got out of bed, legs a bit shaky, but you found the source, your phone. You were still half asleep, but once you saw the caller ID you were wide awake. The spike of adrenaline gave you the energy to put on a shirt and joggers and step out of the room to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, where are you?”

“Oh, you know, out with friends. It’s my birth-”

“Where? I didn’t get an invite to the party.”

“You didn’t? I would have thought-”

“Y/n, please stop lying to me.”

“Wa… what?”

“I saw the pictures your friends posted on social, and I recognized the place.”

“So…”

“I told you to stay away. They are-”

You were already feeling frustrated with the call when your phone was suddenly taken away. Hongjoong offered you a smile and hung up, turning your phone off.

“Hongjoong…”

“What’s wrong? The birthday girl shouldn’t be sad on her special day.”

“Uh… I… you didn’t invite Chan?”

“Of course not. He doesn’t like us, and there shouldn’t be any negativity today.”

“But-”

“Did he call to wish you a happy birthday?”

“No…”

“Then the right choice was made. Come on now, forget about the call and focus on the party. The night is still young.” Hongjoong held his hand out to you. “Shall we?”

You knew Chan was gonna be upset about the way the call ended, even if it wasn’t your fault. Still, even if he rushed over now to see you and yell, it would be best to enjoy yourself to the fullest. You took a breath and offered Hongjoong a smile, taking his hand.

“We shall.”

“Good. Now I heard from Seonghwa that someone has been receiving presents.”

“I see word travels fast.”

“Have you been enjoying yourself?”

“Yes. It’s a great party.”

“I’m glad to hear.”

“I didn’t know you’d-”

While walking your legs suddenly gave out, but Hongjoong managed to hold you up. The adrenaline of the call had worn off and the exhaustion of your previous activities was catching up to you now.

“Sorry…”

“No need to apologize, I got you.”

You were trying to get your feet under you when Yunho and Mingi suddenly appeared. The two quickly took you from Hongjoong and helped you stand.

“You good?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“I didn’t know Wooyoung and San did such a number on you.”

“You’re forgetting they aren’t the only ones to deliver their presents.”

“Are you serious?” Mingi questioned. “How are you still awake baby girl?”

“No idea… so are all of you just gifting me sex tonight?”

“Don’t like it?”

“Seems a little cheap. I saw the boxes down there…”

“You’re assuming sex is the only gift you’ll get from us.” Hongjoong chuckled. “Not to mention this party. We spent quite a pretty penny on you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“But we wanted to.”

The boys carried you to another bedroom, Hongjoong’s, and set you down. Yunho gently grabbed your legs and massaged them a bit, getting you to lay back. Your shirt exposed a bit of your stomach, and he pulled it up further, seeing the marks.

“Damn, you really are having a fun night, aren’t you?”

“I can’t lie… it’s been the best.”

“Then let us continue, or at least bring this night to a close.” Hongjoong said. “If you can manage it.”

“I wouldn’t mind passing out with one of you guys in me.”

“Promise?”

Yunho pressed kisses to your cheek, pushing you up on the bed so you could rest comfortably. He got you out of your shirt and bra, taking one of your breasts into his mouth. You ran a hand through his hair, keeping him close. He tugged the joggers down, rubbing your through your panties for a moment. You were still wet down there, and messy. Yunho couldn’t wait long before yanking your panties down and pushing two fingers into you. The wet slopping sounds seemed to please everyone, and Yunho quickly understood he didn’t have to prep much, you were eager and waiting.

Yunho was quickly on you, not wanting to hear anyone else claim you first. He wasn’t subtle, but swift with his motions. Your body was barely recovering from the last guy between your legs, but you figured you could handle a few more. Yunho was careful not to put any unnecessary strain on your body, but still made sure you were enjoying yourself. He had a nice rhythm going and you were truly relaxed. His touch was gentle but pleasurable, acting more like a lover than anything else. You were surprised he kept his pace throughout, even as he pushed you to the edge. Somehow he held himself together long enough for you to calm down before he went in hard and achieved his own high.

“Fuck… you’re all gonna leave me bruised up tomorrow…”

“And unable to walk.” Mingi commented. “That’s a promise.”

“Then I expect to be carried.”

“I got you, princess.”

With that Mingi shoved Yunho aside, taking you into his arms and pulling you up. He sat down and had you resting in his lap. He gently held your waist, leading you to grind down on him. He still had his briefs on, but he didn’t mind getting them stained with your juices and what Yunho had left in you. He pressed his head against yours, watching the blissed out smile on your face. You both could only last so long before your basic needs took over. You reached down to free Mingi’s cock, stroking it a bit and adjusting yourself to take him in. He helped you settle down on him, giving you a kiss as a reward.

“I’ll do all the work, so just enjoy yourself.”

“Hm…”

You wrapped your arms around Mingi, resting your head on his shoulder. He reached around to grab your ass, making you yelp, but he just chuckled. You seemed comfortable so he began to move, being gentle at first, but he couldn’t hold himself back. You grabbed him tightly, moaning into his ear. He was rough, or maybe it felt that way because you were so worn down already. Still he was good to you, holding you close and whispering such sweet words. You didn’t know when he was getting close, but he certainly pushed you to cloud nine.

He laid back with you on top of him, still thrusting into you as you rode out your high with him, and soon enough he was adding to the mess between your legs. You shook more violently this time, but Mingi made sure you were alright. Once you settled he carefully laid you down on the bed, pressing soft kisses to your face. You let out low chuckles, smiling with a happy look on your face. Mingi stayed with you for a while, caressing your cheek. You might have fallen asleep if the bed didn’t suddenly dip and you got turned around to face Hongjoong. He had a big smile on his face, reaching over to pet your head.

“Having fun?”

“Very…”

“Can you accept another present?”

“Maybe… I want it either way…”

“Well isn’t someone greedy.”

“Birthday girl, remember?”

“I do.”

Hongjoong leaned over to kiss your head, then your lips, then slowly trailed down your body. He took your hands in his and placed kisses on them too. He was gentle in how he moved your body about. His hands caressed your thighs as he pulled your legs apart. He could see how red and swollen your clit was, giving that a kiss as well and making you shiver. He slowly climbed on top of you, giving you more kisses. He whispered in your ear and let you know he was gonna fuck you, wanting you to hold yourself together for him. You promised to do so to the best of your ability. That was enough for him, whispering dirty things in your ear as he pushed himself into you, going inch by inch so you could feel everything.

Your body welcomed him, already feeling the tickles of an orgasm. By now you were so worn down you were floating in a state of bliss, and there wasn’t any coming down. Not with the constant attention, and the fact you’ve had more orgasms this night than ever before. Hongjoong certainly started off slow before getting into a gentle rhythm, his focus solely on you. He watched your face, the expressions you made as he moved around and pleased you. He kept his eyes locked with yours, and you did your best to maintain it, but you were certainly falling apart. Every touch felt like a mini orgasm, and you couldn’t do much else but lie there and take it. Hongjoong was well aware of this, and he just wanted to make sure you finished right.

You don’t know for sure if Hongjoong hit that sweet spot just right, or your body just broke down, but that final climax was something else. Your whole body trembled as the pleasure and pain mixed together across every inch of your being. Not to mention all the kisses Hongjoong added as he watched you become undone beneath him. You only knew when he climaxed cause you felt a warmth inside you, and could feel the overflow of cum just dripping out of you. The exhaustion was really hitting, and you could barely keep your eyes open. You tried to hold on to Hongjoong, but he just took your hands and kissed them, setting them down.

“We wore you out baby, you should get some rest.”

“My party though…”

“It’s far from over. Take a little nap and I’ll clean you up, okay?”

“Hm…”

“Good girl.”

You definitely needed rest, and left yourself in their trusted arms. You closed your eyes and let yourself float in and out of consciousness. At some point you felt warm water along your skin, soft hands gently massaging your body, and being wrapped up in clean clothes. You felt a comfy bed beneath you, seeing some face blur past you at times, but you stayed in your own little world, drifting and resting. You didn’t know how much time had passed, but you eventually had the strength to properly get up. You thought maybe you’d be alone to rest, but as you opened your eyes you found a sleepy little Jongho at your side. You reached over to pet his head, getting a little hum out of him, and having him open his eyes.

“Hi…”

“Hey, are you feeling better?”

“I’m good… did you nap with me…”

“A little break from the party doesn’t hurt.”

“Hm… yeah…”

You carefully sat up, getting help from Jongho in the process. You felt sore all over, but you were happy, it had been a fun night, and it was a very lovely present.

“I have something for you.” Jongho handed you a little box. “Another gift.”

“Oh, what’s this?”

You opened the box and started laughing, it was some birth control pills, and Jongho brought over some water.

“You know I take birth control, right?”

“But just in case, you can’t be too safe.”

“You don’t wanna be a daddy?”

“Oh, you better watch that mouth, I might take you up on the offer.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not ready to be a mother either.”

You took the pills and laid back down, taking in a breath and enjoying the comfortable bed. You wanted to go back down to the party, but you still didn’t have the strength for that. You asked Jongho to help you get on your feet, even if your legs were still shaky. You managed to stand, but before you could take any steps you heard a loud commotion from out in the hall. Jongho heard too, seeming concerned when the door suddenly swung open.

“YA!”

Seeing and hearing Chan yelled startled you, and you collapsed back on the bed. You could see the anger on his face, making you fearful.

“I cannot believe you.”

“This is a party.” Hongjoong exclaimed. “You can’t be yelling at the birthday girl.”

“Shut up! I cannot believe any of you!”

Chan came over and shoved Jongho away, grabbing your arm and yanking you to your feet. You yelled and weren’t able to stand, immediately falling to the ground. Chan looked at you in shock, kneeling down to take a closer look. He caught sight of some of the bruises on your neck, pulling up your shirt without asking and seeing all the other marks. He quickly got up and pinned Hongjoong against the wall.

“What the fuck did you do!”

Hongjoong chuckled. “It’s a party, and we were having fun. What do you want from me? It was all consensual, I swear.”

“Chan!” You yelled. “Let him go! I’m fine! I-”

“Not a word from you!

“…”

“It’s her birthday and you come in yelling at her like this? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“That’s funny, coming from you.”

Chan let Hongjoong go and came back over to you, pulling you up to your feet. You could barely stand, let alone walk, but he pulled you along anyway. You bit your lip to keep from making any noises and just did your best to follow. You struggled on the stairs and hid your face when you got to the bottom floor, not wanting to be seen, but of course Chan drew attention. Some of the other Ateez members noticed and rushed over, but you shook your head at them. Chan got you into his car, putting your seat belt on you and slammed the door shut. You hid your face, not able to meet anyone in the eye and stayed silent on the drive. You kept your head low, but as you looked around you noticed the streets were different.

“This isn’t the-”

“You think I’m taking you back to your place so they can go get you?”

“No, I-”

“You are unbelievable.”

“Chan-”

“Quiet! I told you to break off from them and what do I find? You have no problem lying to my face now.”

“I-”

“I told you to be quiet.”

“…”

“You’ll be staying with me until further notice.”

You wanted to explain yourself, to at least have your voice be heard, but given what Chan just did, and your current state, it was best to remain silent. So you did. When you got to Chan’s place he got you out of the car, holding your arm and pulling you along, a lot gentler this time. He plopped you down on the couch and came back with a med kit, wanting to take a better look at you. All you really had were bruises and some nail marks, nothing too serious, but he had to be sure. You were a bit nervous, but lifted up your shirt just enough so you didn’t expose your breasts. Like you said nothing serious, and he was satisfied after checking.

“Here. It’s your clothes, put them on.”

“Thanks…”

Your body wasn’t so sore anymore, but you did struggle a bit to make it to the bathroom. You dressed into your clothes and returned to the living room. Chan was nowhere to be seen, but you knew where he’d be. You went over into his office, seeing him looking over some papers.

“Chan…”

“Don’t. I don’t wanna hear it.”

“But-”

“You went out with a bang, literally, so let’s leave it at that.”

“I-”

“Please.”

“Yeah… yeah that’s fine…”

You made your way over to Chan’s side, looking down at the papers on the table. You reached over to look some over, coming across an image from a CCTV.

“What’s this?”

“A partial plate from the last robbery.”

“You got a plate?”

“Partial. I honestly thought the vehicles they used didn’t have any plates, but it seems like they just cover them up.”

“It seems fortune is on our- your side. It’s progress.”

“Yeah. Minho got a bit crazy and rammed into one of the vehicles. Guess that damaged the plate cover and we managed to catch a few digits.”

“You gonna run this through your database?”

“The car itself might not even be registered, could be a fake plate to begin with. We’ll still run it, although working with a partial plate is gonna make it difficult.”

“Any bit of progress is better than none.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m gonna get some rest.”

“You do that.”

“Don’t stay up too late.”

“No promises.”

“Night.”

“Good night, and y/n?”

“Hm?”

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you in the morning.”

❤

Chan kept to his word and didn’t let you leave his place. He drove you to and from school, always punctual. Even though he never said anything, you knew he was always looking around for others. You didn’t get any messages from anyone, not that you would respond, but it really made you wonder what everyone thought. Surely word got around about what happened that night. Your friends didn’t mention it either, just saying things went well. Of course Chan probably spoke with them beforehand, and you weren’t gonna pry. So you just focused on getting your life back to normal, no more secret double life stuff going on. If only it was that easy.

“How’s the body?”

You jumped at the voice that suddenly appeared, distracting you from your notes. Your first class had been canceled so you were in the library when someone approached you. The voice was familiar, and you were a bit shy to look up, so they took a seat instead.

“You’re not hurt anywhere are you?”

“I’m fine, San.”

“You didn’t call.”

“Neither did you.”

“And have Chan scream in my ear, I didn’t wanna risk it.”

“Well he’s not monitoring my phone 24/7 so you would have been fine.”

“Then why didn’t you call?”

“San.”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Me? Nothing, just here to see you.”

“You’re not a student here, you should go.”

“Come on, I came all-”

“I’m a student, San.” You interrupted. “I’m not from a wealthy family, and I seriously need to focus on school if I want to get anywhere in life. It was fun getting to know you guys, but this is where we must part ways.”

“You don’t mean that. Was your birthday present-”

“Thanks for the party, and the gifts. It was a good farewell.”

“You still have all those presents back-”

“Leave. Before I call security.”

“You’d do that?”

“I wanna graduate, which means I have to pass this semester in order to get closer to my goal. Partying and racing isn’t gonna help me. Now please, go.”

“Alright… don’t be a stranger.”

“Yeah.”

You didn’t know if that went well, but at least nothing got heated. You continued to focus on school, managing to get to finals week, and feeling confident in your skills. Test taking always sucked, but the exams actually felt easy, so you were certain you passed. After your last one, a midday one, you were going to text Chan when you ran into a familiar face.

“Congratulations.”

“Hongjoong… what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see you of course. You’ve completed your last exam, and the semester is over, right?”

“Uh, yeah, but-”

“We should celebrate. You’re one step closer to graduation.”

“But-”

“San told us your birthday party was a farewell party, and I find that quite unfair.”

“Unfair?”

“We should have a proper going away party for you. I would have mentioned it sooner, but I understand you wanted to focus on your studies. Now that’s done, shall we?”

“Hongjoong-”

“Nothing big. Just dinner and us, I promise.”

“I can’t just-”

“I understand Chan has been keeping a watchful eye, but he’d understand you wanting to unwind today. Besides, I doubt he’ll ever know. So, may we have the honor of your company one last time?”

“Fine, but I can’t be out so late.”

“Of course.”

Despite your better judgment you went with Hongjoong back to his place. The others were very happy to see you, and you couldn’t help the genuine smile on your face.

“First, your present.” Hongjoong said, handing you the car keys. “Here.”

“For me?”

“It should make it easier for you to get to and from school from now on. And it’ll be easier to go out and enjoy yourself.”

“I… I’m not sure I can accept this…”

“Please do.” Seonghwa stated. “We can’t possibly repay you for all the great memories we’ve made together.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Come on, let’s go inside.” Yeosang held his hand out to you. “One last dinner.”

You took his hand and followed them all inside. The place had been cleaned up nicely since your party. It was weeks ago, but still, not a trace was left. It actually seemed a lot emptier than before. You were going to ask when Mingi suddenly took your other hand.

“We still have to set the table.” Mingi explained. “So how about we let the others do that.”

“Ya! Mingi!”

“Have fun!”

Before anyone else could object Mingi pulled you away from the group and led you away. No one was gonna stop you two, so you ran off. Mingi took you around the house, asking how you’ve been and how your exams went. He was glad to hear you were done with the stress and felt confident in passing your classes. You two wound up down in the garage, Mingi suggesting taking you out on one last ride. You looked at all the cars, blushing a bit when you saw the one where San and Wooyoung had given you your birthday present. Although your eyes then lingered to another car.

“Oh… isn’t that…”

You walked over to the car that had caught your attention. You had been down in the garage multiple times before. Of course you didn’t know them all, but something about this car caught your eye.

“This looks like the car the Black Pirates drive.”

“Wa… what?”

“You know, those robberies that have taken place in the area as of late. I saw a picture of one of the cars they drive and it had a partial… plate…”

Now that you were closer and rambling about the car you looked down at the license plate, realizing that it actually matched the partial plate that had been caught on camera.

“I didn’t know the car had been reported in the news.”

“It wasn’t… I, uh, I actually saw it online. You know things always get leaked there.”

“So you kept up with it then? Playing detective in your spare time.”

“Uh, well… yeah, kind of.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah… what a crazy coincidence.”

“Coincidence… right.”

“Actually we should go back upstairs. I’m sure the others are done setting up, and we can all take a ride together later.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Mingi took your hand and the two of you went upstairs. You were trying not to act so nervous. You didn’t know what to do anymore, but you knew you needed to call Chan immediately. He could chew you out for all this later. Of course you could be wrong on your assumption that Ateez were the Black Pirates, but you had an uneasy feeling about everything. You needed to leave.

“Mingi.”

“Hm?”

“I just remembered that since today was my last test, me and my friends made plans to celebrate together. I can’t have dinner with you guys tonight, but maybe tomorrow.”

“But you’re already here, and your friends haven’t called.”

“I just got a text and they were asking where I was, so I should get going.”

“The others-”

“It’s not goodbye, so let’s not make it one.”

“Y/n-”

“I’ll call you guys, I promise.”

You pulled your hand away from Mingi and calmly walked to the front door. You held yourself together not to make it look weird. At least you had a means of leaving, the present you had been given. You did fumble with the keys a bit but managed to open the door and start the car. You waved at Mingi and drove off, not really sure where you were going, but needing to get as far away as possible. It was already late, and for the most part the road was empty. You carefully reached over to grab your phone and call Chan, although it said he was unavailable. You tried multiple times, but got the same response every time.

“Come on, Chan, pick up.”

While driving you suddenly heard the roar of an engine, looking in the rear view mirror to see two vehicles getting close. It didn’t take long to recognize the cars, and then the drivers and passengers.

“Fuck…”

You were freaking out, knowing they’d catch up to you soon enough. You tried to call Chan again, but nothing. The cars come up on either side of you, on your left you see Jongho waving at you, asking you to stop. You didn’t feel safe, you couldn’t comply with this, so you just stepped on the gas. They seemed a bit annoyed, but continued to follow. You tried once to call Chan, but there was no answer, so you resorted to a voicemail.

“Chan, please answer your goddamn phone! When you get this, please call me back immediately. You were right, okay? Shit was dangerous and… I fucked up, but it was an accident! I didn’t… shit, they caught up to me…”

You weren’t an experienced driver, especially when it came to speed, but you didn’t let your foot off the gas. You didn’t know how fast you were going, but just seeing the others getting closer put you on edge. You were only really focused on the road, not wanting to lose control, and then the two cars crashed against you, trying to sandwich you between them. You screamed, trying to get them off, but whatever they were doing, they were in control.

The others pulled back suddenly, but you still turned the wheel. The sudden movement, combined with the speed, you turned to the side and wound up flipping over. Everything happened in a blur, like the light of the world was turning on and off in slow motion. You don’t know how many times your car flipped, but at some point it stopped. Your ears were ringing, and the edges of your vision were black. The world was upside down, and you slowly looked around. You vaguely noticed the other two cars coming to a stop, seeing people rush out.

“Y/n!”

“Don’t touch the car!” Hongjoong ordered. “And someone call an ambulance.”

With that said, Mingi ended up grabbing Wooyoung before he got close, holding him back. Yeosang dialed emergency services, and Yunho ended up grabbing San as well.

“Hyung!” Wooyung yelled. “We can’t just leave her!”

“You know why we followed her out here.”

“Hyung!”

“Seonghwa, Jongho, get the license plates.”

“HYUNG!”

You could see some footsteps approaching, but you couldn’t make much out. There was a dull ache all over your body, although you felt more like you were floating. Still, among the chaos of everything, you didn’t want it to end this way.

“… help… save… me…”

The two boys grabbed the license plates off the car and stepped away. No one was happy with this, but it was Hongjoong’s orders.

“… please… don’t leave… me…”

“We’re not seriously leaving her like this.” San said. “Are we?”

“The ambulance and police will be here soon, we have to go.”

“Hyung!”

“We don’t have time, let’s go.”

You vaguely heard the sounds of sirens in the distance, followed by cars speeding off. It was hard to stay awake, but you held out, trying to wait for someone, anyone, to help. The sirens did get lower, and at some point you could see others approach. Your head was pounding and you could taste blood in your mouth, but you figured it was okay to close your eyes now. Even if you didn’t open them again, you could stay awake much longer. You heard voices, maybe speaking to you, but you just closed your eyes and sank into darkness.

❤

You gasped awake, panicking as you felt the restraints on your body. You were freaking out and taking in your surroundings as all these memories flooded your mind. At one point you screamed, wishing you could grab your head, but your arms were restrained. You calmed yourself and took in some deep breaths, slowly looking up at the men surrounding you. They had been watching you calmly this whole time.

“So, do you remember now?” Hongjoong asked. “Do you remember us?”

“I… I remember…”

“That’s good. We-”

“You left me…”

“Huh?”

“You left me for dead… you tried to kill me!”

You started screaming and thrashing in your restraints. This caught them off guard and San and Wooyoung quickly reached over to grab you and hold you still.

“Ya, ya, ya.” Seonghwa knelt down before you. “Easy now, you really think we left you for dead?”

“You did! You…” Tears stung your eyes. “You left me…”

“Oh baby, why did you run?”

“Huh?”

“Why did you run away that night? What reason did you have to run from us?”

“I…”

“Mingi said you were talking about the Black Pirates, and that you suspected us. Is that why you ran away?”

“Why… why did you chase me…”

“You didn’t seem to be in your right mind when you left, and to be driving, we were worried. We tried to get you to stop, but you wouldn’t. Then the unimaginable happened…”

“And you left…”

“You had one of our cars.” Yunho said. “We race with those, and they’re designed to survive a crash and flip. You were never gonna die.”

“Liar! How would I know that!”

“Cause you’re alive and well today, aren’t you?”

“Fuck you!”

“Easy now, easy.” Yeosang interrupted. “We just wanna talk. Now that everything is back in order we should clear things up, don’t you agree?”

“Let me go! You fuckers kidnapped me! You ran me off the road and tried to kill me and now this! You’re going-”

“Aish.” Hongjoong hissed. “Let’s just cut to it then.”

Hongjoong stepped up before you and grabbed a handful of your hair, holding your head back. Some of the others didn’t like his actions but they said nothing, just watching.

“That night you came to our place, you went down to the garage with Mingi. One of our cars caught your eye. You recognized it as a car the Black Pirates used, even mentioning the partial plate. So now, my question is, how did you know that?”

“The news-”

“The news never reported on our crimes.” Hongjoong chuckled when your eyes went wide. “Yes baby girl, we’re the Black Pirates. The news reported the robberies, but never stated they were connected, never asked the public for help identifying a car or a partial plate, so how did you know about it? You a cop?”

“It was on the-”

“Y/n, sweetie, stop playing games.” Hongjoong let you go. “We know none of the car information was ever shared with the press, or leaked online. How so? We have an inside source. That means we know that the only people who had access to that information are somehow involved with the police. Now answer the question, are you a cop?”

“…”

“Perhaps you were an informant. That makes sense too. You stuck out like a sore thumb when you first came to the races, yet you were very social and befriended everyone.”

“That sounds like an informant.” Jongho added. “I remember you got so many phone numbers at your first party.”

“…”

“Why are you so silent now? You were yelling a few minutes ago.”

“Maybe we’re wrong.” San commented. “Maybe she’s an undercover cop. The authorities suspected street racers, and then she showed up.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Mingi interrupted. “Isn’t she close friends with Stray Kids? They suddenly came on the scene and rose to our ranks. Looking back on it now, that seems suspicious, doesn’t it?”

“Chan and the others have nothing to do with this!” You snapped.

“With what? Are you admitting to working for the police?”

“…”

“Come on now, the silent treatment again?”

“Baby, we already know the truth.” Wooyoung commented. “Chan and his little stray kids are undercover cops. We knew there was someone like that in our midst but we weren’t sure until you confirmed it for us.”

“Wa… what?”

“Don’t you remember? That night you went out drinking with friends and Yunho took you home. He was gonna drop you off at your apartment but you had him take you somewhere else. We peeked in later when it was empty and imagine our surprise at what we found.”

“No… no I didn’t-”

“Sh, it’s okay.” Yunho assured. “You were intoxicated that night, and you didn’t mean any harm. Thanks for the information, although that just begs the question, what are you? A cop or informant? My money is on the latter.”

“…”

“You don’t have to be shy. We-”

“Don’t hurt him… any of them… please…”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Seonghwa chuckled. “Are you ready to be honest?”

“Just leave him alone…”

“Alright. So what are you then?”

“A volunteer…”

“Huh?”

“I’m not a cop… or informant… I just wanted to help…”

“Is that why you were so genuine with us? It was never a mask. Do you consider us your friends?”

“… I did…”

“Did? Past tense? You know we were genuine with you too, right?”

“What does that-”

“We’re not bad guys.” Yeosang added. “We’ve never hurt anyone. Just robbed some banks.”

“Why…”

“That’s hardly the point here. We may have met under special circumstances, but we’re friends. More than friends I’d say.”

“What?”

“You know…” Jongho began. “That night, we wanted to invite you to come with us.”

“Huh?”

“You were done with school and we were leaving this place. We wanted you to join us. To go on a new adventure together. Of course you ran off before we could propose the idea.”

“Me? Why… why would I go with you?”

“Don’t you remember your birthday party? I think that night speaks for itself.”

“I… that doesn’t…” You took a breath. “Do you think we have something? That beyond being friends there was more to this relationship?”

“Well, isn’t there?”

“No… you were my friends once, but I was reminded time and time again we come from different worlds. Anything between us was never gonna work out, so I had to let go first.”

“And look how that went.” Mingi commented. “You got scared and ran off, got yourself hospitalized too. Gosh, it was so annoying when Chan came busting down our doors with the police. It makes more sense now how he managed to do that.”

“What did you say?”

“Did he not tell you? Once you were stable he stormed our house looking for any evidence to insinuate that we ran you off the road. Of course he was trying to use the fact we were in the middle of moving to make his point, but that got him nowhere.”

“…”

“As you know, we were always planning to move.” Yunho added. “It’s why we wanted to ask you that night, but of course even if things didn’t go our way, we still had things set up. So the move continued, even if Chan was crawling all over our property and checking all our vehicles. He walked away empty handed.”

“Leave him out of this. I won’t tell him anything, so just let me go.”

“Let you go? We have all kinds of history-”

“That’s the past. You left me for dead on the road, and never came back. We’ve already parted ways.”

Wooyoung chuckled. “We never came back? Is that what you think? Oh baby, that’s far from the truth.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

“Aish. We were gonna get you from the hospital but Seonghwa got interrupted.”

“What?”

“We told you that we wanted to leave with you.” Seonghwa stated. “It was hard to find a moment when Chan wasn’t around to sneak in, and then you woke up to my surprise.”

“You… you were the one…”

“We were all so upset when Seonghwa reported your amnesia.” Hongjoong continued. “But you disappeared with Chan after you left the hospital so there was no way to check in on you. We had to wait till school started up again and hope to see you on campus. Thankfully we did, and the moments you interacted with some of us, it really showed you didn’t remember us at all. It was very upsetting, until we found out your memories were returning.”

“And so you kidnapped me?”

“We should be there for the important moment.”

“You drugged me and forced me-”

“Ya, that’s all in the past now. What matters is that you remember everything, and we’re together.”

“Let me go.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Let. Me. Go. I want nothing to do with you, so I won’t say anything. Just let me go.”

“What part of no did you not understand?” San questioned. “We’ve been waiting for you for months. You don’t get to walk away like this.”

“We’re not friends anymore, and weren’t not anything else. So let me go.”

“Or what?” Yeosang asked. “What are you gonna do? Cause you’re still tied up in our garage baby. You gonna escape?”

“You-”

“We have no intention of letting you go. You’re staying with us either way. So get comfy.”

“Let me-”

“We only came back to this old town looking for you.” Hongjoong stated. “Now that we found you we can make preparations to leave and be on our way.”

“You can’t do this! Chan will realize I’m missing soon and-”

“What? He’ll come knocking on our door like he did when you got into your accident? We already told you he walked away empty handed, and that’s gonna happen again. No one is taking you away from us, not even you.”

“You’re all fucken psychos!”

“Yeah, yeah maybe we are.” Hongjoong grabbed your face. “But there’s just something about you that calls out to me. From the moment our eyes met, I just knew I had to have you. Being near you felt right, as if we had been together before, as if it was meant to be. Like some kind of deja vu.”

“You won’t get away with this!”

“I’m sure you felt it too. Heck, when my boys got close you admitted to feeling something familiar about them. Not to mention how we met again.”

“You-”

“I know you get deja vu.”

“…”

“So let’s stop pretending, okay?” Hongjoong let you go. “You guys know what to do with her. Make sure she’s comfortable until we leave.”

“Got it.”

“No! No, you can’t do this!”

“Just hold on for a while longer.” Seonghwa kissed your head. “We’ll begin again properly.”

“Let me go! You psychos! Let me go!”

Some of them walked off, meanwhile San and Wooyoung held you down again. Yunho walked up to you with another needle and you tried to get him away, but you could only watch as something was injected into your arm.

“Don’t be scared, everything’s gonna be okay, you’ll see.”

“No! Please, please don’t do this.”

“Sh, just get some rest. We can talk more later.”

You felt someone undoing your restraints, and once you were free you tried to jump Yunho, but you could feel your strength leaving you. Despite your efforts you couldn’t stay awake, and he easily scooped you up in his arms. His gentle voice was lulling you to sleep, and eventually you shut your eyes. Fading into the unknown with no idea what awaited you.

“There, there, sweet dreams love. Dream of us.”

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heartstringsduet · 5 months ago

Text

Find a different measure.

A personal essay on a too public website. trigger warning: depression, eating disorder, suicidal thoughts

I turned 30 this Saturday and as these decade birthdays go, I've done a lot of reflecting. My 15 year-old-self would be very disappointed in what my life is like.

She was a big romantic, and to know I never had a relationship would gut her the most, because it was the only typoe of love she thought was worth striving for. She would also be so surprised I don't want kids, that I still write fanfiction, that I got to college and learned I wasn't as smart as I always assumed I was. She'd be surprised at how much conflict I have with my mother who she adored, would be more surprised to learn everything she did about her siblings that felt like strangers. She'd be shocked at how few of her high school friends she kept. She'd be crushed that a year has passed and I'm still unemployed. My 23-year-old-self knew a lot of these things. She'd slowly learn how deep some of her life's craters went and instead of working to fill them, she emptied them more by eating less. She'd look at me now and be so fucking relieved I made it here, life and herself fuller. That while thoughts remain, habits don't stick around. Even if it took six years. Even if it pushed some people away and she can still see the damage she has done to the people who stayed. She'd be a bit disheartened about the romance-lessness. But she'd also started suspecting she might not want all aspects of an intimate relationship and knew she couldn't handle one even if she did. She'd be thrown out of a clinic she thought was her last and only chance, only to manage recovery slow and steady. She'd be so overjoyed at having her own space, even if cleaning it is a burden. She'd still be scared, still cling on to the hope of a family who treated her well. She'd mostly be happy she made it out the other side no longer hollowed out. My 27-year-old-self would be so proud. She was so sure she wouldn't survive the year. A hairbrush made her cry because she thought why bother cleaning anything if she was going to end it all? She fed tears swimming in the lake when her best friend said they couldn't go on a winter vacation as planned but they would do it 'next year' and she thought: I can't keep on swimming for that long. She'd revisit the time right after the 29th birthday, and think, Okay, then before 30. Let's pick a new date. It was as much bravery as it was hopeful as it was cowardly - and it kept her afloat to the months following where she healed and found out thoughts can't be trusted. And she healed. Being unemployed helped, changing her idea of a life helped, accepting she might be ace (it's a process alright) helped, accepting her family would never give her what she wanted but would try and give her what they could helped. Her friends helped most of all, old and new, the sun helped, writing and drawing and joy of good food and this silly wonderful fandom helped. And I think why bother asking if my 15-year-old would be proud of me? I can find a different measure. Life is tough enough to weigh it up against something that will make me miserable, when I could put the odds in my favor. And they are. I made it to this day. Mental illness might always bend me, but I hope to pull this out in a few years and remind me to: find a different measure.

#michelle writes essays #sort of #more like a bit of unleashing raw word vomit but you know #close enough #heed the warnings if you want to read it #and please be kind about this and if you write me I might not be in a headspace to talk much about some of these things #anyway #posting now or chickening out

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sunflowersandsapphires · 2 years ago

Text

A Duplicate of Earth

When Skies Are Gray, Chapter 1

Series Masterlist Next Chapter

pairing: Frank Castle x fem!reader

summary: Frank’s life has reached a crossroads: he can either continue to seclude himself and pursue a dark, lonely future, or he can open himself up to connecting with someone again and maybe achieve happiness. Being the grump that he is, Frank has already committed to the lonely path, but his curious new neighbor might just turn that around.

Warnings: minors DNI, swearing, implied depression, implied eating disorder (the reader is going to be in recovery in this fic, if it gets graphic I will absolutely warn y’all. This is mostly therapeutic for me lol).

a/n: This fic was so fun to write!! I love grumpy Frank with all of my heart and I think he deserves to have someone teach him how to feel joy again. So this is my attempt at that. It is loosely based on the poem "A Myth of Devotion" by Louise Gluck at the beginning of the chapter (which is SO Frank!Coded imo, like absolutely fits his fears and self-deprecation) and the myth of Hades/Persephone.

Lastly, a HUGE thank you to @saradika for the beautiful free divider I used in this fic!

w/c: 5.4k (poem not included, this is 17 pages y’all)

When Hades decided he loved this girl he built for her a duplicate of earth, everything the same, down to the meadow, but with a bed added.

Everything the same, including sunlight, because it would be hard on a young girl to go so quickly from bright light to utter darkness

Gradually, he thought, he'd introduce the night, first as the shadows of fluttering leaves. Then moon, then stars. Then no moon, no stars.

Let Persephone get used to it slowly. In the end, he thought, she'd find it comforting. A replica of earth except there was love here.

Doesn't everyone want love? He waited many years, building a world, watching Persephone in the meadow. Persephone, a smeller, a taster. If you have one appetite, he thought, you have them all.

Doesn't everyone want to feel in the night the beloved body, compass, polestar, to hear the quiet breathing that says I am alive, that means also you are alive, because you hear me, you are here with me. And when one turns, the other turns—

That's what he felt, the lord of darkness, looking at the world he had constructed for Persephone. It never crossed his mind that there'd be no more smelling here, certainly no more eating.

Guilt? Terror? The fear of love? These things he couldn't imagine; no lover ever imagines them.

He dreams, he wonders what to call this place. First he thinks: The New Hell. Then: The Garden. In the end, he decides to name it Persephone's Girlhood.

A soft light rising above the level meadow, behind the bed. He takes her in his arms. He wants to say I love you, nothing can hurt you but he thinks this is a lie, so he says in the end you're dead, nothing can hurt you which seems to him a more promising beginning, more true.

Tracing his fingers along the page, Frank reread the stanzas. He was not quite sure what kept drawing him back to this piece. He’d never been a fan of modern poetry, more drawn to the subtlety of the Victorian era. Yet every night this week, when his sweat-soaked body bolted upright with a gasping breath, he read through this piece while his heart rate slowed.

He has a blurry memory of the story from his childhood. Studying the Greek gods in school, reading excerpts of the Iliad or whatever. He has always been drawn to this specific myth, for whatever reason. Hades and Persephone, darkness and light. But he doesn’t remember it feeling so…corrupt.

The story he had learned was one of great romance: two unlikely lovers fighting against the odds, reshaping the earth to remain together. But the way Glück illustrates the story illuminated a more sinister interpretation. One night, in an insomnia-induced haze, he’d read page after page about the two gods, trying to find a definitive answer to the question that bounced around his mind. Did Hades ruin poor Persephone? Was their love itself ruinous?

Glück sure seemed to think so. Maybe that was what sparked his interest in the piece. The idea that love could tarnish something so pure—Frank sure had a fair share of experience with that.

With a hefty sigh, he closed the book, glancing at the clock. 4:05 am. Digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, he weighed his options.

“Up for a jog, Max?” Frank murmured, looking to the canine who was curled up in his crate. The dog just snored. “Suit yourself, bud.”

Slipping into a pair of athletic shoes and a light sweatshirt to accompany his sweats, he stepped out the door and towards the stairs, almost colliding with a young woman frantically darting down the hall.

“So sorry. Have a nice day!” The figure whisper yelled at him as she ran past.

He takes a second to regain his bearings, before plastering on a scowl and heading off on his run.

The outing was refreshing to a degree, but his mind was still plagued with thoughts of his wife and the darkness that had consumed her, just as it had Persephone.

Curtis let his eyes follow the pacing form in front of him as he let out a sigh. Having been a friend of Frank’s for some time now, he wasn’t a stranger to moodiness or the other man’s incredibly fiery temper, yet Frank had been worse than usual lately. It seemed like the drop of a pin could set him off these days, and Curtis could practically see a cartoon storm cloud following him around with the way he’d been glowering lately. Curtis had hoped David would be able to shed some light on the cause of the behavior, but the technician was as clueless as him.

They (they is a term very loosely used, given that David was overtly opposed to the idea,) decided to ask Frank about it the next time he visited Curtis. So, here they both were, watching Frank stomp across the floor and waiting for him to explain himself. Finally, Frank turned to them.

“You gonna keep starin’ at me like I’m a goddamn explosive or are ya gonna ask me your fuckin questions so we can move on?” Frank’s growl made David flinch.

“Hey, easy there, big guy. This isn’t an interrogation.” David pleaded, trying to wipe off the coffee he had inadvertently spilled on himself.

“We’re here to help you, Frank. Same as always. Something’s been eating you away recently and we wanted to check in.” Curtis reasoned, looking between David and the marine.

“M’ fine.” Frank grunted, draining the rest of his own coffee and stalking over to the machine for a fresh pour.

David rolled his eyes, gesturing to Frank pointedly. “Told you he wouldn’t want to talk about it.”

Apparently this was not the right thing to say, because Frank stilled with the pot of coffee in his hands. “You two are talkin’ ‘bout me now? Am I entertainin’ enough for ya? Jesus.” He slammed his cup down, grabbing his jacket from the seat next to Curtis and heading for the door.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you have somewhere else to mope?” Curtis asked with a raised brow, almost amused by how childish Frank was being.

“Anywhere but here would be nice. That way I’m not interrupting your fuckin’ drama club.” Frank snapped, twisting around to face Curtis. “You wanna make me your pet project? Fine. Keep doing it when I’m not fuckin’ here.”

“Frank, we weren’t—we were just worried about you, that’s all. You’ve been really…down lately and—“ David struggled to reason with the furious man.

“Oh, have I? So sorry to be such a goddamn stick in the mud, Lieberman. We all know life has been real nice to me so I should be more grateful, ‘s that it?.” Glaring at the pair of men before him, Frank threw on his jacket and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Curtis sighed, sipping his coffee and turning to David. “I should’ve known better than to think he would talk this out. He says he’s fine, we treat him like he’s fine. He’s a grown ass man who can work up the balls to ask us for help if he needs it.”

David barked a laugh. “We both know he won’t though.”

“Yah…you’re probably right about that.”

Frank was still fuming as he trudged through the city streets at sunset. His mood had been worse than usual lately, but his friends’ inquiry just made him feel guilty and stupid for not knowing why. Things hadn’t been too bad recently. The past few missions he’d taken on had gone smoothly—to the point where it had been over a month since Curtis had to help stitch him up, and that had to be a record. Not to mention, he’d stopped an international arms dealer last week while on his own job, putting him on Madani’s good side for the first time in his miserable life.

His fist clenched around Max’s leash, but the dog seemed entirely unbothered by his irritation. Happily trotting next to him, gazing up with adoration every once in a while.

Frank sighed as they reached the entrance to his building, stopping his brisk pace for a moment to give the dog a scratch. “I’m sorry I’ve been out so much, bub. We’ll do this more, promise.”

Max simply spun away from him, sniffing the air. Frank gave a weak chuckle, shaking his head at the dog’s ambivalence. The pair started up the stairs towards their floor, Max pulling harder than usual. When they reached the landing, Max froze as Frank headed for his front door. Stumbling backwards briefly, Frank tried to start moving again, but Max held firm—letting the leash grow stiff between them.

“Max. C’mon, bud. Le’s go.” The pit bull simply gave Frank a piercing look, before abruptly jerking backwards, wriggling his head.

“Max, what the hell, stop that!” Desperately, Frank tried to grab his dog, but Max was too quick. Within moments, he’d slipped free of his collar and taken off.

Frank sprinted after him, heart sinking as he realized Max was beelining for an open apartment door. The last thing he needed was a goddamn dog-induced injury suit.

Reaching the doorway, Frank saw Max sniffing around a young woman happily—the same woman who had almost run into him this morning. To Frank’s disbelief, she laughed. The sound was surprised, but bright and it pulled at his heart in a way he did not have time to unpack.

“Hey, big guy!” You held your hand out for Max to sniff, which he did enthusiastically. “You lost?”

Max gave you a few exuberant licks before sticking his nose back to the ground and snuffling around your kitchen, clearly looking for something.

Eventually, Frank unfroze from his stupor and spoke. “I am so sorry, ma’am. He’s never gotten loose like that before. Max, c’mere.”

Seemingly through with his rebellious phase, the dog sauntered up to Frank, tail wagging, before turning to allow Frank to reattach his collar.

Standing in front of Frank, you gave another beautiful laugh, beaming up at Frank from where you were standing before him. “That’s quite alright. I’m never opposed to a new friend. Besides, my kitchen is quite literally filled with dog treats at the moment, so I can’t exactly blame him for his actions. Still smiling, you pulled a tray of dog biscuits from the counter next to you, giggling as Max sat down expectantly.

“Can he have one? They’re chicken flavored, if that’s an issue.” You looked at Frank, questioningly. Still mortified by his dog’s outburst and quite honestly shocked that this gorgeous woman was still talking to him, he stammered. “Uh—yah, that’s. That’s fine.”

Your smile widened as you grasped a few treats. “Here, bubba.” Max snatched the treats from your hand, greedily gulping them down before moving closer to you and holding up a paw.

Laughing again, you set down the tray and crouched to shake his outstretched paw. “Well aren’t you a talented pup. What’s his name?” You turned to Frank, one hand scratching behind the dog’s ears.

“This is Max…And I’m Frank.” His vocal chords seemingly operating on their own, Frank cursed himself for the honesty. Why on earth did he feel compelled to give this woman his life story?

“Nice to meet you, Max!” You ruffled the fur on the pit’s head, chuckling as he kissed your arm. “And you as well, Frank. My name is-“ and your name tumbled off your lips. You held out a hand to him. Frank gave a small grimace of a smile, grasping your hand and repeating your name back to you. It was beautiful and more than suited you.

“It’s very nice to meet you ma’am. I should, uh, we should go.” Frank said lamely, tugged on Max’s leash to exit your apartment.

Grinning at him still, you waved goodbye. “Have a nice night, Frank. Stop by anytime”

The next time he saw you, you were struggling to lug massive cardboard boxes into your apartment. It had been a few days since Max made your acquaintance and he’d been avoiding damn near everyone, which had only worsened his bad mood.

As he took a few steps towards his front door, trying incredibly hard to not stare at your beautiful figure in the low cut sundress you were wearing, a loud crash caught his attention.

“Shit!” You cursed, jumping back quickly to avoid smashing your foot underneath the box you’d dropped.

“You, uh, need a hand?” Frank grumbled, shuffling closer to you.

“Oh, hi Frank! Sorry I was so focused on this thing that I didn’t see you.” There was that beaming smile again. Frank shied away like it would burn him.

“Ain’t a problem. So…you want help?” He asked again, rubbing at his nape as he blushed. Why on earth would you want his help when he acted like he’d never met another human before?

“That would be amazing. This bed frame is way heavier than I was prepared for.” You kicked the box lightly, glaring at it.

Frank shifted it up into his arms with ease. “Where would you like it?”

“The room to your left please!” You chirped, pointing him in the room’s direction. “Thank you so much for your help.”

Frank set the heavy box down, turning back to you. “Looks like you needed it. You ain’t exactly dressed for lifting this.” Frank scoffed, before realizing in horror what he’d just said.

“You don’t like my dress?” Your voice was soft and you looked at him with round eyes. He cursed himself for being born. If the world was fair, no one would ever make you look like that. His darkness was all consuming.

“Oh, shit, I wasn’t thinking. I—“

You bit your lip, a sly grin spreading across your face. “I’m teasing you, Frank. I came right from work and didn’t have time to change. It’s a ridiculous outfit for building furniture. Please, sit! I have something for you.” You ushered him over to your couch.

Frank tilted his head ever so slightly, surprised that you weren’t immediately put off by his harsh demeanor and towering stature. After a moment of thought, he practically collapsed to the cushions, the exhaustion of the past few weeks crashing over him. He was acutely aware that he hadn’t been sleeping well, but he hadn’t realized the ache that had settled in his bones until now.

You retreated to your kitchen, pulling a tin of cookies out of your pantry and offering them to Frank. “As a thank you for your assistance: my world-famous chocolate chip cookies.”

Gently lifting the tin from your hand, Frank felt the corner of his mouth quirk down at the thought of mooching off of you when you’d just met. “It wasn’t any trouble. I don’t want to take your food.” He grumbled, eyeing the tin for a moment before you groaned.

“You’re killing me here, Frank. Indulge me, please!” Your eyes flickered between the tin and his grumpy face pointedly. He rolled his eyes, pulling a cookie from the box.

The cookie was truly one of the best things Frank had ever eaten. Soft and buttery with a sprinkle of salt on top. He finished the treat in three bites, licking his fingers before your giggling reminded him that he was being observed.

“So…are they sufficient payment?” A shit-eating grin appeared across your face and Frank felt his mood lift even further despite his brief embarrassment.

Popping his thumb out of his mouth, he felt himself flush. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

You waved a hand, brushing aside his embarrassment. “Oh please, I’m just glad you liked it! Half the reason I bake for other people is for the compliments.”

“You deserve them. That was…a damn good cookie.” Frank rubbed a hand over the back of his neck but you seemed completely unphased by his stiff social skills. “What’s in that box?” He nodded to the opened one in front of your couch, snatching another cookie from the tin.

“Well, I moved in a few weeks ago and didn’t have the foresight to order my furniture in advance. So,” you spread your arms, gesturing to the myriad of tools and wooden pieces on your floor. “Tonight is night one of furnishing my apartment.”

“That seems…like a real chore.”

“Oh it is. But I’ve been sleeping on a mattress on my floor for three weeks, so I sort of need a bed frame. Like ASAP.” You narrowed your eyes at the box in the other room like it had bested you in a fight.

“Did ya, um, did ya want some help with…” Frank trailed off, gesturing to your inanimate foe.

“Oh gosh, I couldn’t ask you to do that. I wouldn’t wish IKEA furniture on my worst enemy.” You laughed, shaking your head.

“Ain’t a problem, if you’re ok with me snackin’ on those miracle cookies while I work.”

“Ok, one:” You began, holding out a finger. Frank bit a lip to keep from laughing. Bossy little thing, aren’t ya? “You can eat all of those cookies if you help me build that motherfucking thing.” A boisterous laugh burst out of Frank at your pretty mouth cursing so openly. “And two: you will be snacking on them while we work because I would actually be the devil if I made a sweetheart like you build the hellscape that is the ‘Songesand’ all on your own.”

“Trust me, I’m no sweetheart.”

You grinned at him. “We’ll see about that, sweetheart.”

Hours and an empty tin of cookies later, you were ready to call it quits.

“If this bolt doesn’t tighten all the way, I swear to God I am going to lose it.” You pouted dramatically, dropping the pieces you were attaching to the floor with a clatter.

Frank huffed a tiny laugh. “Lemme see.” Inspecting the piece, he unscrewed the bolt a tad and tightened it with ease. You groaned.

“I swear it was broken a second ago. Are you a witch or something?” You flopped to the ground with a sigh, looking up at him through thick lashes.

“Nah. Just good at building things, I s’pose.”

“Well, I really appreciate your help. Can I cook you dinner? As a thank you?”

“I don’t wanna overstay my welcome…” Busying himself with the furniture in front of him, he avoided your studious gaze.

“It’s not a big deal. And it would actually encourage me to eat today.”

Frank whirled to face you. “You haven’t eaten today?”

You shrugged, “Yah, I tend to get distracted.”

“That ain’t good for ya.” Frank sighed, trying to decide what the priority should be. “A’right. If it’ll make ya eat, ya can cook for me.”

You smiled, your eyes catching his with a soft gaze. “That’s so sweet of you.” And, with that, you bustled away to start dinner.

Throwing himself back into the task at hand, Frank had your bed frame assembled and was pulling your mattress onto it in no time. Brushing his hands together, he returned to the living room, tidying up the scraps of cardboard and styrofoam littering the ground.

“Frank, please sit down! You’ve just saved me hours of work, I can clean up.” You raised your voice so he could hear you from the kitchen.

“It’s no trouble.”

“Dinner’s ready anyway. Sit, please!” You encouraged, handing him a bowl of some delicious smelling pasta.

Eagerly digging in, Frank almost moaned at the first bite. “How are you so good at this?” He asked, stuffing another forkful into his mouth.

You giggled, “Culinary school, and years of practice.”

“Culinary school, huh?”

“Yah…” You laughed a little sadly, moving the pasta around in your bowl. “I’ve always liked cooking and I had this crazy dream of opening a bakery a while ago.”

Frank swallowed, forcing himself to continue the conversation even though he could feel himself blushing at his inability to talk like a normal fucking person. “You’re really good at it. What happened?”

Stiffening slightly next to him, you waved off the question. “Oh you know, killer capitalism and all that. But, I work in a cafe which means I get to bake to my heart's content without all the nitty gritty business stuff. Like taxes.” You made a face at the thought and Frank snorted.

Finishing his dinner, he noticed you studying him again. It had been a while since someone had shown such genuine interest and care towards him. His heart fluttered in a way he hadn’t felt in years, and it struck a nerve. Minuscule grin falling from his face, he stood abruptly.

“I gotta go.”

“Oh, ok.” He didn’t dare look at your face and risk seeing it fall.

Pacing to your doorway, he turned towards you marginally. “Thanks for the food.”

“Thank you for giving me a platform to sleep on tonight. You’ve saved my hips a world of pain.” Your smile was small but genuine. You seemed almost…hesitant. As he was about to tread down the hallway to his own place, you wrapped him in a sudden embrace. “Have a goodnight, Frank.”

His heart tugged, insisting that he return the embrace, but he couldn’t risk it. Instead, he squeezed your shoulder and quickly headed home.

After another night of restless sleep, he woke up in an even fouler mood than before. Yanking the door open on his way to work, he almost stomped over a package sitting on his doorstep. Given that it was just past 5 in the morning, he was a little suspicious of the bag at his feet. Gingerly picking it up, he turned it around and, despite himself, broke into a small smile.

The brown paper bag had a handwritten note, “Don’t be a stranger, Sweetheart” with your signature and phone number underneath. Stapled to the present itself was a brochure for one “Rainy Day Bakery”, complete with pictures of your smiling face surrounded by other employees. Feeling his shitty mood melt away, just a little, he opened the bag and found a short stack of fresh chocolate chip cookies. He sank back against his door, closing his eyes.

Screw it.

Twirling around the kitchen, softly singing the lyrics to the song playing overhead, you placed your tray of bread into the oven.

“God. You’re worse than usual today.” Your coworker, Stacy, groused, hefting a giant sack of flour up onto your prep table. You laughed at her, nudging her shoulder.

“It’s a great day, Stace! It’s beautiful outside and we’ve had steady business all morning. Plus, Janet is letting me try out some new flavors this week and I am stoked!” You squealed.

“How did I ever become friends with morning people,” She fake gagged and you smacked her.

“You love our exuberance, don’t lie.”

“Yah, yah. Whatever.” She rolled her eyes.

“Did someone call for a morning person?” Your other primary coworker, Leo, entered the room with a dramatic spin.

“The only thing worse than one of you, is both of you. I’ll take the counter.” Stacy mumbled, stalking back out to the front of the store. You and Leo giggled after her, knowing she was hiding a smile.

“So, what’s on the docket for the rest of the day, princess?” Leo positioned themself at the stainless steel bench next to you, looking ready to take on whatever weird ideas you threw their way.

“I’m thinkin’ more classic cheesecakes, those did well last week. Then maybe lemon meringue bars or key lime minis? Something citrusy. Thoughts?” You tilted your head, awaiting their response.

“Let’s do the lemon pie shortbread bars. Those are always popular. You want to prep the dough, I’ll start juicing?”

“You read my mind.” Whipping out the ingredients, the two of you danced around each other in a practiced waltz. You’d been friends since culinary school and had pretty much been a package deal for every employer afterwards. You acted as a well oiled machine, and the cafe was booming because of it.

As you gently pressed large wads of shortbread into pans, Stacy poked her head back through the staff door, breaking your focus. “Someone’s here for you, princess.”

Scrunching your brow, you shouted over your shoulder. “I told her I didn’t have time to grab lunch this week.”

“It’s not your mom. It’s some guy. Says he’s your neighbor?”

Your hands stilled. “Yah, ok, I’m coming, Stace.” Scooting past Leo—and their eager, teasing grin—you gave them a pointed look. “Stop it.”

“He came to visit you. At work.” Leo singsonged.

“It might not even be him.”

Leo rolled their eyes back to the pot in front of them. “It’s him.”

Traipsing after Stacy into the customer portion of the cafe, your face broke out in a massive smile as you saw Frank at the register. His arms were crossed and he looked nervous, eyes shifting around, trying his best to avoid Stacy’s cold gaze.

“Hey, Frank! Welcome to Rainy Day! What can I get ya?” You placed your hands on your hips and looked at him with excited expectation.

“Coffee?” You giggled at his simple response which made his blush deepen. “I uh, shit, that sounded stupid. I don’t know…”

“It didn’t sound stupid, sweetheart. I was just thinking about how nice it is to not have to make a super complicated drink. Stace can you get me a large cup of the dark roast. I’m assuming hot and no cream or sugar?” You looked at Frank, waiting to see if your prediction was correct.

“Fuck, am I that obvious?” He groaned, his face beet red as he avoided your eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the simple things, Frank.”

Stacy passed over the drink. “2.50.” She stated with no emotion, feigning disinterest in the conversation. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw her giving Frank a subtle once-over.

Frank passed over a ten. “Keep the change.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet! Thank you,” your lopsided grin was a permanent fixture whenever he was present. It was going to be the death of him. He’d do anything to make you keep that smile.

“I—um, wanted to visit your cafe, since you asked me to, I mean—“

Your smile softened as his nervousness peaked. “I appreciate the visit, Frank. Come by anytime. Oh! Before you go, actually,” You fluttered off, daintily grabbing a pastry from the case to your left. You handed him a beautifully decorated confection, but your signature smile held a tinge of anxiety. You clearly cared about his opinion, he wasn’t really sure why.

“I, uh, didn’t order this.” Frank announced gruffly, holding the pastry in his hands as if it was trying to bite him.

Rolling your eyes, you laughed cheerfully, “I know, silly. You think I’m going to let you leave without breakfast?” Hands back on your hips, Frank felt a familiar warmth bloom as an almost imperceptible smirk flickered across his mouth. Bossy.

“Are you really chastising me for skipping a meal after what you said yesterday?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Do as I say, not as I do.” You shrugged, looking between him and the pastry. “Well? Don’t leave me hanging!”

“Are you always this demanding?” Frank scoffed with a slight twinkle in his eyes.

“Yes.” Stacy and Leo called in unison, making you gasp in false betrayal.

“Fine, I’ll eat it myself.” You held out your hand to retract the pastry, but Frank drew it closer to himself.

“Never said I wouldn’t try it, Sunshine.” Your exaggerated pout nearly disappeared at the nickname. “Pretty sure you’ll pop your lid if I don’t.”

He took a bite of the pastry, savoring the incredible combination of flavors. “‘S real good, what is it?”

“Baklava inspired croissant. It’s something new I am trying and you strike me as someone who wouldn’t be satisfied by my whimsical ideas alone. You’re…honest, it’s nice.”

Taken aback, Frank hesitated before swallowing his mouthful. “I…uh—thanks.” His voice was soft. He wasn’t quite used to receiving compliments about anything other than his ability to end a life.

“Sorry if I was too pushy, a lot of the people who come in here are more concerned with their hipster image than truth. It’s nice to have someone who gives their actual opinion on my work, is all.” You bit your lip, eyes trained on his.

“I was just teasin’, Sunshine. You can boss me around whenever you want.”

You grinned. “I think I’ll take you up on that, Frankie.” You winked, making him chuckle.

“Oh, you’re a handful, aren’t ya?”

“No turning back, Frank. You’re my friend now. Ask my coworkers, I’m not easy to get rid of.” You batted your eyelashes at him and he shook his head, looking to Stacy and Leo behind you.

“Trust me, I’ve tried.” Stacy gave a tremendous sigh and Leo shoved her.

“Well, thanks. For the…coffee and stuff.” Frank ended with, lamely.

“I’m glad you liked the pastry! If you ever want to be my guinea pig, let me know. I’m pretty sure my friends are tired of me asking.” You chuckled, looking sheepishly at Leo and Stacy who gave dramatic nods.

“I’d uh…I’d like that.”

You beamed. “You’re a lifesaver, truly. Just text me if you’re ever up for trying things. You have my number now.”

“I do. I…uh, gotta run but…thanks again” Frank gave a curt nod to the three of you.

“Have a good day, sweetheart.” You waved him goodbye.

You were definitely going to be the death of him.

Your phone buzzed, startling you out of your post-work tv-induced trance.

Unknown: Hey. This is Frank. In case you need my number or whatever.

You: Hey Frank! Haven’t talked to you in forever 😉

Frank: Sorry to bother you

You: Don’t be silly. You could never bother me.

You: Are you hungry?

Frank: I guess? Why?

You: There’s a cute little Persian place that just opened a few blocks from here. I’ve been dying to try it but was too embarrassed to go alone. They allow dogs on the patio, if you and Max are interested?

Frank: Sounds good. Be over in a sec.

Your heart spun around in your chest. Dashing to your bathroom, you fiddled with your outfit and hair, reapplying makeup and adjusting your floral patterned dress. Catching your own eyes in the mirror, you scolded yourself. Frank wasn’t fully a stranger anymore, but you didn’t know much about him. He didn’t wear a wedding band, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t involved with someone. You were getting ahead of yourself. The knowledge that your efforts might be futile weren’t enough to make you wipe off your fresh coat of lipstick, though.

A knock at your door broke you out of your thoughts. Rushing to open it, you were spellbound. Frank had cleaned up, probably not for you personally, but your naive little heart couldn’t help but hope. His wavy hair was pushed away from his face and his beard had been trimmed. Wearing his signature dark jacket, he looked…marvelous.

Prying your jaw from the floor, you smiled at him. “You look really nice, Frank.”

“So do you, sunshine. Max was napping and refused to get up. Is it alright if it’s just us?”

“More than.” You grinned up at him sweetly.

“Lead the way, Sunshine.” His deep voice rumbled. You grabbed one of his large hands in both of yours (which definitely did not make him blush) dragging him to the stairs.

Frank knew he was treading a dangerous line. This was the 4th time in a week he’d seen you, but he couldn’t get enough. Your smile was intoxicating and your bubbly yet demanding personality was goddamn enchanting. For fuck’s sake, his hand that you had held still burned with warmth and he never wanted it to fade. He knew his darkness could ruin you, but he was defenseless to your lilting voice and endless optimism.

Which is how he found himself across from you in a quaint little spot a few blocks from your building. Strings of colorful lights spanned the perimeter. Apparently you knew one of the chefs because the kitchen had prepared a tasting menu of sorts for the two of you, and Frank was not above reaping the benefits of what you’d sown.

Dish after amazing dish was placed in front of the two of you and Frank was putting them away, you were eating less but seemed to be enjoying everything just the same. As you both moaned around a bite of a sort of lamb stew, your eyes twinkled.

“So, Frank, how was your day?” The question was eager and genuine. He was still taken aback by your desire to know him, to care about him.

“Fine. Yours?”

“My day was lovely! I made a couple of my favorite recipes and had a handsome visitor at the cafe. Now I’m having a fantastic meal. I’m a lucky gal.” Eyes still sparkling, they scrunched as you smiled.

“A handsome visitor, huh?”

“Oh you’d like him. He’s all tough and brooding, but I just know there’s a good man underneath all of that.”

“Ya just know, huh? What’s hiding underneath all that happiness of yours then, sunshine?”

“An overwhelming sense of curiosity.” You smirked at him. Your flirty tone traveled straight down in his being. Giving a breathy laugh, he deflected.

“How are you so…peppy all the time?” At his question, your seductive gaze faded to a much more solemn one.

“I don’t know, I guess it just became a habit… My, uh, my dad died. When I was young. My mom didn’t handle it well. So, it started as a defense mechanism? I suppose? But now…now it’s just who I am.” You averted your eyes, picking at the dish in front of you. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be a downer.” You forced a small laugh.

“Hey,” Frank’s firm yet gentle tone forced you to look at him once again. “You’re not a downer. Anything ya wanna tell me, I’ll listen, yah?”

You nodded, smile coming back to the edges of your lips. “Thanks, Frankie.”

“Can I ask you another question?” When you nodded, he continued. “Do you put, like, crack in those cookies of yours? I swear you gave me an addiction, sunshine.”

A laugh escaped you and his heart soared. There’s my girl.

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