#and the intimidation factor would be so huge irl

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

i just realized literally all my favorite characters absolutely tower over me

[punkeropercyjackson]

Honestly why even bother making Jason afrolatino if you're not gonna write him as he is in canon when that's what actually'd make him work good rep for us.What i mean by this is

His ego is huge,he's super tough and an edgelord,has anger issues and brutal ass tactics and is a morally gray vigilante but he's ALSO a huge woman respecter to the point he thinks they're better than men,is extremely kind with a huge soft side and his exterior attitude and Red Hood are trauma responses that're framed as valid on his end so he's not the 'Scary Black Man' stereotype and with the exception of the vigilante part this is actually a pretty common personality type for irl black men-Important note that i don't fall under the attitude but i AM a black man(and woman)

He's been a huge nerd since he's debut in both meanings of it-He's a genius who was a star student in school and loves classical literature,theater and speaking articulately and poetically but just happens not to 24/7 since he's a comic book character,not a Shakespearen one

And his soft sunshine boy with hidden depths Robin self is a critical part of making him as black latino work-You can't go with the retcon of him as a mini thug because it's extremely dangerous stereotyping

Duke as his favorite brother-It's erasure with white gringo Jason but even worse and just stupid because both of them being black would it EVEN BETTER writing they're eachother's number one Batboy pick.Ain't no nigga picking Tim when the only other black guy in the factor is Right There and fuck ya aus,keep Jason white in them and leave afrolatino Jason out of your mess

He hasn't expressed a particular preference for girls he likes but HAS for the ones he dosen't and it's preppy perfect judgemental ones who try to 'tame' him so rip all y'all's white X Readers LMFAO.Worth noting that his canon girlfriends have been a half cambodian tomboy(Rose),an edgyptian butch(Artemis)and a darkskin black woman(Dana)and that he's actively rejected a white blonde girl on the basis of her being too normal(Isabel)and Kory post deblackification so i think it's obvious where his tastes lie

You CANNOT make him and Roy or Batcest a thing-I don't think i need to explain why pairing up a white man who knew an afrolatino since he was 14 and him grown with a daughter and putting him in incest is violently antiblack

Poverty is not inherently bad in black or latino characters and there was a point in canon where it was used as simply an element in Jason's story instead of demonization so use that edition.But making him a drunkard,a smoker or a sex fiend is 100% perpetuating stereotypes and he's canonically the opposite of all three so again,sometimes things that are canon are better

Him being tall and super jacked and intimidating looking can actually enchance it-He uses it to his advantage to get people he dosen't like to fuck off because they buy into the propaganda and gives him more deepness with the rest of his personality

This includes him being a real gamer and his neapolitan food addiction and your headcanons on his other tastes should follow their lead-His favorite characters should be black and latino ones(His favorite Marvel hero is Miles Morales,it's canon to ME),he should listen to black and latino artists,he should eat black and latino food and know how to make it for that matter,etc

Back to a Duke situation-You also can't make a white woman instead of Talia his adoptive mom for obvious reasons and imo if you're gonna make him and Stephanie besties,she should be black too for that black best friends and found siblings rep(She works as a black woman as much as he does a black man and i'll make a manifesto of that like i did him if asked).This applies to the Team Dad Jason take too in the sense that he should mentoring Damian and Nell and Tiffany since they're Batgirls instead of white kids

In summary what i'm trying to say is:If you're going to see Jason as an afrolatino man,you need to go beyond just the aesthetic and little bits you feel like including because you think they're appealing and actually write him as an afrolatino man,as Jason Todd and not some random guy

@nogender-onlystars @willieoo @mayameanderings @desi-pluto @insomniac-jay @vulnonapixes-dc-corner

[elsannej]

E-100 series robots (& Metal Sonic) as birds - a 🧵

(And I do mean HC:ing them "as birds" - not talking about flicky battery stuff)

* = belong to the same order Pelicaniformes (tried to adhere to mostly related species)

E-102 Gamma: Great blue heron (Ardea herodias)*

1-1.4m (wingspan: 1.7-2m), 1.8-3.6kg

The first bunch of E-series give major heron/stork to me, with their lanky statures, long & prominent bird feet and specialist roles. (See; herons' fishing tactics with their precise strikes!)

Although, cranes (Grus grus) relay the same energy as well, with bonus red details.

E-123 Omega: Brown pelican (Pelecanus occidentalis)*

1-1.5m (wingspan: 2-2.3m), 2-5kg

Pelicans are generally shorter and definitely heavier & stockier than their distant relatives (see above) with greater wingspan/height ratio. (Those shoulders!!) Pelicans are kind of infamous for being absolutely unhinged with their generalist & opportunistic builds. They would eat you if it was possible (not from lack of trying) so they get the intimidation factor as well! <3

Look at this (more or less) majestic specimen

(The brown pelican is the smallest pelican species, there being way heavier species (up to 13kg), but I chose this one for the most fitting color scheme mostly.)

There's another species that's a good candidate for Omega, but another robot contender simply fits the bill (pun intended) better:

NEO Metal Sonic: Shoebill (Balaeniceps rex)*

1.1-1.5m (wingspan 2.3-2.6m), 4-7kg

Need I say more?

I say NEO specifically, because these birds are huge and actually way taller than what base-form Metal even would be irl. They prance around and are known to make a lot of noise with their bills especially. (NEO being the form of Metal that speaks). So, yeah: NEO Metal. I'd argue they have Metal Overlord aesthetics as well.

Meanwhile for Metal's base form:

Metal Sonic: Peregrine falcon (Falco peregrinus)

speed: 320km/h

Naturally; It's the fastest animal which zooms in the skies. ("What would Sonic be then since he's faster?" Bro idk, he's a hedgehog.😐) They're yet another bird of pray, although, more evidently deadly than the ~piscivore species on this list (look at those claws). They've also got this cute-factor that fits that side of Metal, with the dark eyes, making them seem kind of sad:

This concludes my self indulgent TED talk.

[gingerjolover]

hi ging i know this is totally not the place for unsolicited asking for advice so totally ignore this ask if it’s the wrong place to be doing this BUT in short i’m having an identity crisis yay!!! up until very recently i though i was just a very very supportive ally, eg when homophobic things were said around me i was personally offended but was just like noooo i’m just a huge ally i’m not gay!! i love love munagenius, and not just in a “i wanna be friends with all of them!” way, i’ve had crushes on girls irl, but have just pushed them deep deep down and i’m attracted to them and i would date a girl and AND I KNOW THAT SOUNDS SO GAY LIKE I SHOULDNT EVEN BEEN QUESTIONING BUT FOR SOME REASON IM IN DENIAL. it’s like i almost don’t feel gay enough? literally nobody knows because i like men (unfortunate i know) and have been in “straight” relationships all my life. i know nobody but me can tell me if i’m queer or not like this is my shit to deal with but maybe i just needed somewhere to dump my feelings anonymously :p

hi baby!

this is a safe space, you’re always allowed to ramble in my inbox (that goes for all of you!)

i can’t, in earnest, sit here and write, “well if you like girls and you would date a girl, you’re queer,” because i know first hand that it’s not that easy

i was right where you are not that long ago, and i hope i can use my experiences to give you some guidance?? without making it sound like it’s all about me??

we had very similar experiences, i’ve ALWAYS had crushes on women but never realized they were crushes, i was like “no i just want to be their best friend” or “i admire them soooo much,” or “i wish i looked like them” — and while those are totally normal thoughts to have, i also actively was pushing down the idea that i, as in me ginger, could be queer, i didn’t know what queer meant and i didn’t even know that bisexuality was a thing when i was young

i had a MAJOR identity crisis actually like right before i started posting on here consistently, if you look at my tumblr in the very beginning it was literally all “insert male celebrity x reader” because i did not allow myself to look at content that i was not “queer enough” for

denial is something i ALSO went through, i can’t tell you how many times my best friends (both queer) had to talk me down about WHY i was getting so worked about about labeling myself or feeling confused about liking girls, trying to find the root of why i wouldn’t allow myself to say i was queer or even curious about my sexuality

obviously accepting yourself is hard, right? it’s challenging an idea about yourself that is different from what you’ve always known yourself. i struggled so much with this because, like you sweet anon, i was always straight and nobody knew otherwise

self acceptance/no longer being in denial is also hard because there’s so many factors. one of the biggest factors for me was i was living in an environment at the time where queerness was NOT fully accepted, i know that i was going to be unsafe (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) if i had come out. (i eventually did to one of my family members and it worked out but most of them still don’t know)

one of my other things when not feeling queer enough was like “well i haven’t had a lot experiences with women so i can’t really be queer,” and my best friend literally was like “do you tell children who identify as queer that they aren’t because they haven’t kissed anyone?” and i said “of course not!” and he sat there and let me think about it… and then was like “well yeah, see how stupid that sounds? you’re not LESS queer because you don’t have experience, like maybe it’s more intimidating for you, but it doesn’t make you less”… and it’s something i still think about all the time

i know i’m rambling and i’m kinda jumping around but something you need understand and sit with is you don’t HAVE to label yourself! the biggest reason i hadn’t come out (combined with above) is because i couldn’t label myself, i didn’t feel queer enough for any label.

i ended up (after truly months) coming out as bi (not even officially, i just started referring to myself as bisexual and posting stuff on instagram and creating my own lil community) because like you anon, i unfortunately like men😪 (even though i am actively only dating women/nb at the moment, don’t dissect this too much i am still in my identity crisis)

i guess what i am trying to saaaaay is be patient with yourself, you are queer enough, even if you’re just questioning (although it sounds like you were where i was and you’re def not but i can’t tell you that). as long as you are entering this space respectfully and your intentions are pure, you have nothing to worry about sweet anon.

working to get over the “my whole life is going to change” and turning it into “my whole life is going to change!!!” is a way to help with this identity crisis. any change is hard, change is super scary, but as long as you’re in a place where you are safe and healthy, living authentically, even if confused, is so much better than feeling trapped and trying to work through it alone.

i hope this makes sense, i am obviously oversimplifying a lot of the issues of coming out or identifying yourself, i am very privileged that most of my life hasn’t changed since i have come out, and i know it’s not always the easiest/safest for people

i love you sweet anon! my inbox is always open - so are my messages :)

[i-mybrunettelady]

saw you want to talk about OCs so here are some questions <3 what oc would you most like to be friends with and why? when making a new oc, do you start figuring out the personality first, or the backstory first? whose character arc are you most proud of?

Ayyy tysm for the questions!!! Classes do be killing me rn, but asks keep me afloat

But yeah!! Regarding OC creation, it largely depends on what is the OC for - but I usually start with a mixture of backstory/personality because they influence each other a lot. For a game, I usually factor in race and profession, as in what race do I really need up my character roster rn (which is a case with Mirka, because I really wanted a norn warrior) and work from there. As a general rule, I don't make a character in game (especially in gw2 where I have to spend real money on a character slot) unless I'm really sure I want them, aka they have some semblance of a personality and backstory that I can later ponder like an orb and change if necessary. I've been putting off making a thief because of this for a while now.

But when I do, it becomes hella personal and I'm bonded to the character and they stay. Thusly I think Liv and I would get along perfectly because he reflects a lot of my own personality and plus he's a giant fluffy cat man so that's a huge plus, and also I'm El's height irl (162cm/5'3) so he can carry me around like a baby and not break a sweat. Nyra too, even if I'd highkey be intimidated by her and just nod along to whatever she's saying because do you really wanna say no to Nyra

(As her creator, I have to add that yes, you should sometimes, even if she won't listen a lot of the time and pay the price of it.)

And on the creator side of things, I'm proud of them all because they feel like personal victories to an extent, but I have to give props to El here. My boy went from "I WILL BURN THE WORLD BECAUSE I AM ANGRY" to "I am angry yes but it doesn't mean I have to put everyone else and myself in harm's way because of this necessarily tho" which I think is very sexy of him

[drzibs]

DSMP Character Hybrid HCs

Note: if your fave is not on this list i apologize, im including characters i know better personality-wise and ones i know the lore of. this is also excluding characters with confirmed hybrid traits (Fundy, Schlatt, Puffy, etc.).

C!Philza - Turkey Vulture

i know crowza is like. virtually canon at this point but i read a small poem a while back about vultures being physical guides for spirits to the after life and i just think thats such a cool vibe, paired with him being married to the literal goddess of death n all. also it could account for his intimidation factor; have you ever seen a vulture irl? theyre HUGE. and what do you think when you see vultures circling? ‘oh, i wonder what died.’ case and point; vulture philza.

C!Wilbur - Weasel/Fox

i mainly like this one from a narrative perspective. typically in lesson-telling folklore, the fox is seen as a smart individual looking to either trick the main focus of the story or to cause mischief. c!wilbur’s initial goals when creating the hotdog stand was to illegally corner the potion market and swindle the server for his own benefit. see the correlation? and even though his motives have changes since the early smp days, i think that want to cause chaos is still there. also his son is a fox, so -hypothetically- it would make sense.

C!Sapnap - Badger

“pandascanpvp” this and “sapnap is pandas all mussed around” that. do NOT try to sway me, i am standing my ground here. pandas are push overs, and mr. nap is anything but. sapnap is always down for a brawl, especially if the people he loves are in trouble, and badgers will absolutely mess you up if they feel threatened in the same regard. its the same black and white color palette too, so i dont see a downside here. maybe im not making sense to anyone but myself but i guarantee he would be a badger.

C!George - White tailed Deer

yes, c!george is the mushroom man, sleeping beauty in the woods. but think of the art that could come from this! c!george with huge beautiful antlers, draped in vines and various flora because of the length of time hes been asleep. you can even add mushrooms too if you like! and oh my gosh, a litte fairy village built across his antlers and shoulders, put there by DreamXD to protect him in his resting state. to me, seeing a deer in a forest just seems so mythical to me, and it feels like a good fit here.

C!BBH and C!Skeppy - Great Dane and Pomeranian

ok, just— just hear me out. big and little vibes? check. gentle giant and scrappy tiny best friend? check. intimidating beast and their treasured possession? i think ive made my case.

C!Jack Manifold - Black cat

this is based on the fact that the poor man has bad luck no matter what he does. hes like his own harbinger of misfortune. at first it was a joke, like “oh very funny, its cause of the superstition. nice one” but it just continued. and then he literally went to Hell and back. and now hes convinced that hes actually cursed. but hes not, he is just really really good at being in the wrong place at the right time.

C!Dream - Alligator

no, this is not about him being from florida. well, it kinda is. but not really. i like the thought of c!dreams character being a little unsettling to look at, with the scales and the slitted eyes and just overall reptile aesthetic. he adopts the smile mask not too long after tommy joins, as the thought of more people seeing him and having an immediate impression based on his looks alone. despite the attempt, the server begins pegging him as the bad guy, and he decides that if hes gonna be the villain, its gonna be through action and not his complexion. only tommy and the original eight on the server have truly seen his face.

C!Tommy - Parrot

this stems from me missing origin smp and being so fond of philza teaching tommy to fly, like i just wanna see it so bad. raccooninnit is os really good too but parrotinnit??? plus he has a habit of mimicking phrases around him so he is terrible at keeping secrets.

[atamascolily]

2019 end of year fic review

I wrote a lot of different things this year, but the thing I'm most proud of is finally getting Desert Places--most of which I wrote in 2018--finished and up on A03 at last. I also wrote 10K+ of meta on this novel on Dreamwidth because I have so many feels about this piece. @jadedjo made some lovely cover art, and I dream about getting a hard copy formally bound and printed for myself, but I did NOT accomplish that this year. It turns out I would rather write new stuff than copyedit old, which makes achieving that goal a challenge.

I also did two fics for a kink challenge, and I wrote 56K--the first draft of an original urban fantasy novel--for NaNoWriMo, both of which were challenging growth experiences. I pushed my genres by writing some short non-Star Wars fics, plus a lot of crossovers. I also wrote two side stories in my Inheritance 'verse--one featuring Obi-wan and the other featuring Callista.

I also started podficcing, which is really fun, and had been on the to-do list for a while, so I'm proud of that, too.

Goals for 2020:

I'd like to finish my current WIP, Through A Glass Darkly--a Star Wars sequel trilogy fix-it with Legends characters helping their Disney counterparts. I'd also like to start writing and posting the JAT fix-it fic I've been thinking about for 2.5 years now. I got intimidated by the scale and complexity, but I think I'm ready to handle it now--I just have to get started! I also think about my Harry Potter/Good Omens crossover, which has also grown a plot when I wasn't looking. I'd also like to finish my WIP podfics, and do some new ones, too! Also, my original novel needs some serious work, which is going to take time away from fic.

That said, I'm always open to new ideas, and I can never predict what I'm going to write next or what will come up. Ideas are everywhere, and I try to get as many as I can down on paper, but I can't be everywhere at once. My philosophy is that the best fic is the one I've written, rather than the one I haven't, so while there are certain fics I'd like to do in the future, I realize there are a lot of factors outside my control that also influence the process.

Quick list of questions and answers

1.    favorite fic you wrote this year

Desert Places, obviously. Aside from that, probably In A Dark Time, The Eye Begins to See, which is such a niche fic, but makes me really happy. The best from a technical perspective is Grounded.

2.    least favorite fic you wrote this year

The Noodle Incident reads weirdly to me and I don't know why. I was trying for humor and I don't know if it worked??

3.    favorite line/scene you wrote this year

From Grounded: "The tree stirs sleepily at the unexpected vibrations, then recognizes Obi-wan's presence, and subsides with the quiet but unmistakable dismissal of Mammalian dormancy hallucination."  I can't read this without LAUGHING.

4.    total number of words you wrote this year

fics to A03 - 217.5K NaNoWriMo - 56K WIPs - no clue - maybe 10-15K?? 

5.    most popular fic this year

In the Reptile House - the Good Omens fandom is HUGELY popular right now.

6.    least popular fic this year

The Wreck of the Katana Fleet - song parody of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald". I like it but I can see why it's not terribly well-trafficked.

7.    longest completed fic you wrote this year

Desert Places - 79512 (not including meta) - 64K in 2018

Otherwise it's, In a Dark Time the Eye Begins to See, 32094 words

8.    shortest completed fic you wrote this year

The Ballad of Kam and Tionne (1274).

9. favorite character to write about this year

Force Trees, obviously!! But Demon!Nagini grew on me, and I like how she turned out enough to want to continue what was supposed to be a one-shot.

10. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

I don't generally write with music, so... silence is great!

11. a fic you didn’t expect to write

In the Reptile House was totally random. Why did my brain decide to mix Harry Potter and Good Omens? No idea. Did I run with it? Hell yeah.

12. fic(s) you completed this year

I don't feel like writing them all, but here's the list!

13. fics you’ll continue next year

Through a Glass Darkly for sure. Others TBA.

14. current number of wips

lots, but mostly short things that need time to ferment.

15. number of comments you haven’t read

ZERO, though I've stopped responding to the weird ones.

16. most memorable comment/review

Sadly, I have gotten some seriously weird comments this year, but the most exciting was when someone I used to know IRL left a very nice comment even though I'm pretty sure she has no idea that I know who she is.

17. events you participated in this year

Fetish/Trope Roulette at @jadedjo's impetus. Also, NaNoWriMo!

18. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

I really meant to write a Halloween fic this year, and I chose to finish Grounded and prep for NaNoWriMo instead. I just didn't have enough energy to do a high-intensity crossover novella on top of everything else. Maybe next year?? (NO CLUE.) But it will be awesome if and when I finally write this thing - another weird Star Wars Legends crossover that nobody but me wants, with a series that nobody but me has ever read.

[swampgallows]

like this shit is so long

Only once Jaina was back in her own rooms in Theramore, and her head had begun to cool off from the madness – indeed, wild hope, chilling fears, joy and a thousand other emotions spinning through her head, only one step from insanity – only then did she remember that she had forgot to ask one important question, and it froze the grin on her face.

Something so small but so important to the culture she grew up in – even stricter than normal for her, a woman of such a fine family line. Something so small, so ridiculous even, but not dismissible and it had haunted her only in its current form in peaceful times. There had been no time for it before, not when her life took plunges – I will be a mage, a scholar dedicated to study and magic to We may not be alive tomorrow and onwards through We are alive and building a new home.

She stared out of one of the window of her chambers, without really seeing anything. Unwittingly, one of her hands went to her stomach.

Only after the chaos she found herself the owner of her own throne, and with that, being a person who was expected to eventually produce an heir who could sit on that throne later on.

Before that, she had only been haunted by regret and bitterness, and the memory of sweet whispers, of fingertips and warmth that had turned colder than ice. Both of them young and foolish, knowing they were as good as betrothed – it would only be a few words away, the match was suitable even in a politician's eye – but duty called him, and magic her. And then he turned into the greatest evil to walk Azeroth, barring Archimonde and his ilk.

Bitterness and regret being mere personal torture, but with her current position the problem became a tangible… inconvenience to say the least. Before, she may have pushed it aside and felt that she would face it the day she had a suitable suitor.

And how long ago was it, young lady, that you could bear thinking of anyone but him touching you?

this shit is so fucking long and it doesn’t say anything new. there are three different paragraphs talking about “before” but it’s not for emphasis and it doesn’t provide any new information. if i were the editor, i would do this:

HAHAHA OH HOLY SHIT I GOT ON MY LAPTOP AND THIS WAS THE LAST THING ON MY CLIPBOARD HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

anyway my edit would be like

Only once Jaina was back in her own rooms in Theramore, and her head had begun to cool off from the madness – indeed, wild hope, chilling fears, joy and a thousand other emotions spinning through her head, only one step from insanity – only then did she remember that she had forgot[en] to ask one important question[.] and it froze [T]he grin on her face [froze].

Something so small but so important to the culture she grew up in – even stricter than normal for her, a woman of such a fine family line. Something so small, so ridiculous even, but not dismissible and it had haunted her only in its current form in peaceful times. There had been no time for it before, not when her life took plunges – I will be a mage, a scholar dedicated to study and magic to We may not be alive tomorrow and onwards through We are alive and building a new home.

She [blankly] stared out of one of the window of her chambers, without really seeing anything. Unwittingly, one of her hands went to her stomach.

Only after the chaos she found herself the owner of her own throne, and with that, being a person who was expected to eventually produce an heir who could sit on that throne later on.

Before that, she had only been haunted by regret and bitterness, and the memory of sweet whispers, of fingertips and warmth that had turned colder than ice. Both of them young and foolish, knowing they were as good as betrothed – it would only be a few words away, the match was suitable even in a politician's eye – but duty called him, and magic her. And then he turned into the greatest evil to walk Azeroth, barring Archimonde and his ilk.

Bitterness and regret being mere personal torture, but with her current position the problem became a tangible… inconvenience[,] to say the least. Before, she may have pushed it aside and felt that she would face it the day she had a suitable suitor.

And how long ago was it, young lady, that you could bear thinking of anyone but him touching you?

like so much of this is just not contributing anything. it’s a fic, we already know who these characters are, and there was already a previous chapter before this detailing jaina’s situation and hyjal and everything else. all of it is really implicit that she forgot to ask thrall if he wanted kids, it doesn’t need the like three paragraphs of Jaina is a Human Female and Expected to Have Children. this isnt an alien species being introduced to us like most couplings in azeroth bring up children as a factor. 

i dunno like i know people write fic for fun but this shit is 100k and when there is this much unnecessary detail it’s hard to see the forest for the trees as it were, and it makes it a slog to get through. i also dont “speed read” because most of my reading has been academic where every single word counts, and part of me feels like it’s disrespectful to the author. like they put these words down to be read, and so i will read them, but that’s also the way i’ve been trained to read.  also since i spent most of my schooling reading stuff like shakespeare or canterbury tales or les miserables you have to stop like every five syllables to look shit up or derive some kind of analysis unless it’s a modern adaptation that doesnt require any “translation” necessarily.  

basically like. writing is fun but editing is important. more people will read your fic when it isn’t 30% filler. and ive complained about it before but like word count doesnt have any fucking bearing at all on the quality of writing. in fact, when i see ship fics that skyrocket to like 150k words in a handful of chapters im like dang bitch you cant write for shit!!! if you cant get across what you wanna say in that amount of words and youre STILL not done it means you gotta pare some shit down. 

it’s why i prefer writing over talking EVERY time because i KNOW i ramble irl. and in a casual setting like this, a blog post, i of course will ramble here too. but in writing??? writing that people read? everything you write should convey something and drive your story forward. every sentence you type is communicating something. if you get through the whole paragraph and all you can extract from it is “jaina realizes motherhood is a possibility again”, it needs to say something more. i mean this is all just my opinion but like it’s so important to the tone of your writing.

i remember when i was reading the shining, and early on in the story jack is being instructed in the boiler room. and the attendant or janitor or whatever you’d call him goes on for a HUGE block of text of all the mechanisms and step-by-step explains each and every facet of the machinery, how to use it, what it’s for. there aren’t even indents in the paragraph. and then it mentions off-handedly how jack was giving quick responses like “yup”, “uh-huh”, shit like that. i mean it’s been a few years since i read it so im paraphrasing. but that part of the book stood out to me because it was so immersive. the way it was written and the way the information was being relayed was specifically to bore the reader, to put them in jack’s position, and also maybe intimidate them a little bit. and of course it was foreshadowing, too, when later in the story jack is struggling with the boiler, and i actually went and flipped back to the instructions earlier in the book to review what jack was supposed to do. and then i thought, “boy, i bet jack wished he was me right now, because i have everything all written down!” 

but anyway, like. that’s good writing. that’s using the medium of text to its advantage to communicate on a meta-level how the audience should feel, and that we are all jack in that moment, being told a huge laundry list of shit we have to do—being paid to do, our sole responsibility on this job—and totally mentally checking out. i LOVE jaina, and i LOVE thrall, but the way this fic is written portrays them both as totally spaced out, completely unsympathetic characters. what i read above isn’t communicating jaina’s trauma to me; it sounds condescending, like she’s such an air-headed dim bulb that she forgot to ask her new husband if he wanted kids.

and the “proposal” was like... extremely awkward? i mean maybe that’s what the author is going for but thrall being basically like “uhh i guess? yeah i guess.” and then it says they talked for an hour but couldnt stay longer than that because they’re both leaders and couldn’t stay away too long. like... i feel like this is supposed to be a pretty important thing? marriage? it’s the setup for the whole fic and it’s played so... underwhelmingly. which i dont feel is intentional.

I KNOW it’s just a fic and i’m being very critical but it’s just like damn everybody bitches about blizzard’s “bad writing” but then nobody steps up to the plate. :\ i dunno how anybody spends so much time reading fanfiction when most of it is such a fucking chore to read. god i hope my story isnt like that.

[littlestarprincess]

Also, um. . .possibly a bit TMI but wrestling with sexuality stuff / mental illness stuff / specifically my selfship with Bam under the cut; kind of messy real life stuff that I’ve been wanting to get off my chest a little bit, I don’t think anything too dark? But definitely potentially uncomfortable.

So, basically, about eight or nine months ago, I finally Snapped and admitted to myself that I’ve had a crush on this guy that I know very vaguely if at all for like . . . four years (though I guess with the passage of time we are now approaching Year Five of my having a horrifically intense crush on a strange grumpy probably-politically-incompatible guy; there are pros and cons but it still feels very alarming in general); for those counting, I’ve been open about shipping myself with Bam for about . . . two years, and secretly selfshipping with him for like . . . a couple years before that. If you go through my blog all the way to when I first entered the tag, you might see evidence of my liking Bam alongside a myriad of other characters from a few months before this, because I’ve always been Like That -- but I really seriously started selfshipping with Bam about a year into my crush on This Strange Guy (who I’m going to be referring to as Spidereyes from this point forward.)

It turns out that this is not a coincidence. This was, in fact, definitely me displacing my emotions for Spidereyes onto Bam in order to not deal with them. As one does.

So I guess this alone is not so bad. It might be a little creepy depending on how one looks at things, but I also have a very low threshold for creepy, so I dunno. It could just be that I think everything involving RL feelings is creepy and overwhelming and awful, because I’ve been . . . numb? For a really long time? And I’ve reached a point where I can like . . . talk (?) to Spidereyes/say hello to him when I see him instead of turning and walking the other way and just generally being very averse to him (and given that there’s a handful of people I react to like that who I definitely genuinely Do Not Like, sometimes I wanna tell myself that it’s just That and I don’t have a crush, but like . . . it’s definitely. A crush.)

And I mean, for the most part I can reconcile this with my ace/aro identity -- I’m still like. Mostly aro and mostly ace and this doesn’t actually stand out, because I do occasionally get crushes, they’re just like . . . super rare and it’s even rarer that I have a desire to act on them. I think this is the first time I’ve actually ever wanted to act on a crush that wasn’t motivated by other factors (potential loss of friendship, needing to prove myself to be mature/human, outright manipulation etc) but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have previously if those factors were removed . . . The problem is, a) I live here now, and historically my crushes don’t resolve themselves until I move towns. I recently bought a house so this is a permanent arrangement, and like . . . seriously, moving towns to avoid romantic feelings is probably not productive in the long run and b) I uh. Historically don’t get over people? Unrequited love isn’t a big deal to me, but like . . .it seems to be to other people, and I can’t like . . .force myself to “like” someone else. Even if I remove my code of honor from consideration, rebounding . . . would definitely be a level of self harm, because that’s how fucking repulsed by RL romance I am, much less sex. Like it’s cute when it stays between people who don’t have anything to do with me, but I can not maturely handle other people having crushes on me, much less like . . .actively getting involved with someone in that way. And I mean, part of this is due to like. . . shitty experiences in the past, and I’m working on recovering from those, but rebounding would still definitely be a Huge Fucking Step Back.

OFC some of the people who know I have a crush on someone who doesn’t return my feelings tend to really push me towards rebounding/finding someone new to admire, because of course when I like someone or something I can’t keep my fucking mouth shut |||orz So now certain people who shouldn’t know about these kinds of things know . . . .

And then there’s . . . the delusional part. Like, I don’t know if it’s just because I’m hyper aware of these things due to needing to be in the past, or if it’s like . . . seeing what I want to see, but . . . 

I know he doesn’t like me, because he asked out one of my coworkers, and I’m super not his type anyway. (He also rejected me previously, though I’m hesitant to use that as evidence of him not liking me because he was in a difficult circumstance at that time and like, in addition to people having tastes and preferences for romance, they should also be able to be like “yeah, I can’t do romance right now” without more being read into that. But I have other evidence of him not liking me so it’s a moot point!)

I know he doesn’t like me, but there have been . . . interactions I’m not able to parse as anything but romantic attraction. Which is frustrating? Am I just really dumb? I don’t know. But like, there are specifically interactions that got folded into my selfship with Bam previously because they were so difficult not to read as non-romantic (the most notable being one time when his girlfriend needed help at the customer service desk and I went over to them, and he raised his sunglasses to watch as I talked to his girlfriend. Which could have been any number of things, right? I just . . . am dumb. . . ) and then some that happened recently enough that I didn’t have a chance to dump them on Bam bc I was already accepting that I have a crush on him so now I just get to feel Delusional instead. All the time!!! But like, one time he came in and he was in a Mood (as he is pretty often? He’s a bit moody, and seems intimidating at first, but when you actually talk to him he’s pretty friendly and sweet. I think? I guess it depends on who he’s talking to. . . and I think he’s gentle with me specifically because he’s sympathetic to my unrequited feelings. Who knows how long that will last though haha since they’re not. . . going anywhere. . . ) and as soon as he saw me, his whole body relaxed and like . . .this isn’t stuff that could be an Act in order to Mess With Me (which certain people IRL are convinced must be the case) because it’s stuff that people don’t fake -- it’s stuff like his voice when he talks to me being close to tenor range but when he talks to other people around me it drops to upper baritone; he turns his body towards me when we talk and opens up, but if I don’t initiate conversation he remains tense and closed up and I don’t think that’s something that people keep a handle on when they’re manipulating people -- unless they’re like. Super skilled con artists. Which he’s definitely not. Like, PUA don’t even keep an eye on that kind of stuff.

I feel delusional just acknowledging things . . . and it’s weirder when I take into account that other people have seen him giving me furtive glances. Like two other people, who also knew I liked him, but still just . . . I dunno. I’m not completely imagining things. I just can’t . . .parse them properly, and so it’s reading as crush like behavior, even though I know for a fact that he’s confident enough to approach people he likes (he was . . . kind of a player when I first met him, and again, he asked my coworker out recently (and got rejected, which I shouldn’t be happy about, right? But I kind of am) and I’m not his type and . . . I just don’t know how to deal with it.

And then on top of it . . . there have been at least two occasions in the last month where I’ve had a literal actual vision of him that was followed by him showing up so like . . . .hhhhhh not a good time for my weird relationship with ESP stuff to resurface but here we go . . . 

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 5 "Operation 5 to Stay Alive" - Ali

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158125930181/swap-announcement

ALI

New tribes, new me! So, this tribe is interesting. Its 3 Odysseus people (me, JD and Sam), 3 Olympus people (Logan, Rob and Eddie) and 2 Othrys people (Matthew and Duncan). Trevor warned us about the Olympus clique, so I think it'd be good if us three Odysseus people ally with Duncan and Matthew, and hopefully can gain control. I'm nervous though!

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/9Cp2bQsoSio

Also I just found out that newbie Ryan is irl friends with Logan so he will be first voted out- know that. 

MATTHEW

rain drop

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here are my thoughts on the tribe swap so I really haven't made any confessionals yet in this game and I'm sorry, but the OG Othrys tribe was kinda boring because we slayed so much. I was in an alliance with Ryan, Owen and David, but I really only full trusted Ryan and he's the only one I told about door #9 in the Labyrinth so we'll see if that info stays quiet for a while. However, now that we've swapped, this game has gotten really interesting. At first I was really terrified because I got separated from all of my allies, but now that I've taken the time to talk to everyone and get a sense of the tribe dynamics, I think I'm in a really good position. According to Sam, the only person I really knew at all from this tribe before this game, the Olympus 3 are a really tight alliance and have been friends from a previous game which is always super intimidating. Since those three are voting together, it kinda forces the three Odysseus member to stick together, and that puts Duncan and I in the middle. Duncan is the person I had the worst connection with on my original tribe, so being stuck with him again is both scary and rewarding because it sort of forces us together. Obviously, I trust Sam a ton and I'm really getting along well with Ali, and I think that leaving such a strong alliance in the game isn't the smartest idea in case we just go on an insane losing streak which is VERY possible given how stacked the other tribe is. However, Duncan thinks that trying to work with Eddie/Logan/Rob would be in our best interest because leaving those three in would make them the bigger targets and keep the two of us under the radar, which I agree with to an extent, but I don't get the feeling that the other three would be quick to turn on us if we sided with them. Maybe it's just because I have strong bonds with Sam and Ali, but I really don't want to vote against them. Duncan said he's close with Eddie, so that puts us in a really interesting position. If Duncan and I can't agree with what we want to do, it would tie, and rocks could eventually come into play. AND, we have no idea what the Labyrinth has let loose in this game! There's a lot of interesting factors that have come into play and I'm both super excited and super terrified.

ROB

Swap and I'm with my Olympus peeps? Amazing. I really like the newbies and I hope we can do something with them. I want Sam out, but I do think I'll be screwed. He knows the newbies longer than me. It's going to be a battle.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158127394321/immunity-5

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158215267946/immunity-results

MATTHEW

"i think i was trying to make help" - Samuel Rutan, in defense of his inebriated plan to put a target on Rob's back.

so this challenge is uh...interesting. I've admittedly not had the best attitude about our ability to win challenges because the other tribe is so stacked with people who can dominate, especially at a challenge like this where a lot of them have experience editing videos and stuff and we certainly do not. I think our tribe really lacks a certain cohesion necessary for this, and everyone feels like we don't really have a shot so people are moreso focused on surviving tribal even though we haven't even lost yet. Nobody is really stepping up to the plate. People are saying no ideas without offering anything to replace them, and not explaining why they don't like the ideas in the first place. Our music video really has no direction at the moment and we're just focused on getting it done so we don't look like fools who couldn't even turn in the challenge. The more I talk to people, the more I definitely see myself as a major swing vote this round. I just had a two and a half hour call with Eddie, Logan and Duncan and I really felt like we all bonded a bit. It's nice to just sit back and talk about life shit and boys and not worry about strategy for a while, but you always have to think about how you can use these personal bonds to your advantage. The person I want gone most at this point is Rob, but if that's not going to want to be possible, I need to be proactive in keeping Sam and Ali safe by suggesting JD as an alternate. I think I have a lot of power this round, and I'm going to capitalize on it. I don't care if it puts a target on my back; I've played this game MANY times, and I've learned that you should never miss out on an opportunity to put yourself in the best position possible. It's gonna take some Cirie Fields level misting to get Eddie and Logan on board to go after Rob, but if I can pull it off, I keep everyone on the tribe happy and I still maintain my power next round while getting rid of somebody I have no connections with. It may be ambitious, but ambitious is my middle name. Not really but...it's better than "Fucking".

LOGAN

Literally every confessional has had me saying I want to die or I'm dying in it? i dont understand? ANYWAY. My liver isnt working but we'll get there ig. I'm hoping I can team up with more experienced players and clocc some newbies but i think they are gonna want Rob. I DONT WANT THEM TO WANT ROB. ROB AND LOGAN ARE NED AND SARAH. DO NOT.

EDDIE

Me on call with Rob: what do you think we should do for this first vote Rob: I think we should target duncan. Me: Okay let’s try this again… What do you think we should do for this first vote I’m just going to ask him over and over again until he tells me what I wanna hear which is that we rope in Duncan and take out that snake Sam. Me when I finally get Sam’s blood all over my face, body, and hands: https://secure.static.tumblr.com/9a788ea893dbd408a839201df9d00f17/zytcgar/FT3noeef9/tumblr_static_tumblr_static__640.gif Also Matt and I are bonding on call right now and I’m just thinking about how I want him voted out after Sam https://38.media.tumblr.com/37eccabcb3a37667abaf56a3ae3ac081/tumblr_nh9mgbqDaM1sm1gf4o1_400.gif But like omg I just want sam OUT OF HERE. LIKE GET OUT OF HERE SNAKE. When Duncan wants me to vote out logan or rob if we go to tribal. Duncan: I mean Id tag along but maybe one of them can go first to make people less afraid of you all. Me: https://38.media.tumblr.com/cafd74179121e455c36ecd78471a2010/tumblr_nkpzoyDeZL1uokvyoo1_500.gif I got a lot of tea from my call with duncan last night though. We're snatching Sam and then we're snatching Matt. It's just happening. Matt is in a majority alliance with Ryan and this other guy on whatever tribe they're from I'm sure I look at the name I'll remember who it is so he's on the snatching list. Also Matt will run right to Lydia who I wanted to work with but I no longer think she will work with me. So this is all about lining up all my cannons to take a shot at her at merge. So first we snatch Sam who is probably cool with trevor who is cool with lydia and is super dangerous. And then we snatch matt who will run right to ryan and lydia once merge comes. Duncan also told me he has some cursed idol thingy which is super helpful for the future.

TREVOR

I don't have time for a video confessional this round so here we go. We won immunity which kind of sucks. I was prepared for tribal. I'm blood hungry. My goal was to vote out Other Ryan and hope Scott self votes and gets removed.  Other Ryan has not replied to me the last two times I tried to talk to him. Literally 0 social game.  And he didn't even SHOW UP for the challenge. No participation. No excuse. Nothing. So hopefully we lose the next one so we can cut these people. And then maybe cut Jay O too if we have the time- to spilt up him and Duncan. Looking at the other tribe - as long as Ali, JD, or Sam don't go home it will be good for my game. I really don't care who it is out of the others but preferably one of the Olympus folks. Hopefully my little newbie friends heed my warning about them. I have two alliances going at this point. One with owen and Lydia and another one with those two and RTP. I know I said in my last confessional that RTP can GO but I think I might work with him for a while. I am also making sure I stay tight with David and Jay.  And Isaac is becoming expendable. 

ALI

LITERALLY 2 MINS AFTER DISCUSSING THAT TONIGHT'S VOTE IS SPLIT 4-4. I WON AN EXTRA VOTE IN THE LABYRINTH. WHAT IS GOING ON!!!! DJKSHXDKSJXSNODDHIDBCODNSAKCOAMDPD (removed about 17 lines of this)

ROB

I think I might be screwed, I just have to talk to these people to get out Sam

JD

The swap. I  was okay with it. As far as the four seasons goes, it couldn't have been better. We got slip down the middle and paired up with the one that were most comfortable with. 

I like Eddie and Matt, I was chatting with them but didn't think of it till later that its the same as our memory challenge. And might I add, they both kicked my ass. 

I'm scared of Eddie. I mean he's great and we have great conversations. but like, I looked at another season and he's a huge threat. If I had followed the season before he probably would have been one of my fav players. I think that's what sucks that most about lying to him right now. I have my group and I'm not leaving them but if we had started out on the same tribe I would have loved to have worked with him, should have mutinied. 

ALI!!!! My god like that extra vote couldn't have come at a better time XD 

I hate lying, like really I do, you wouldn't know it though. I put lying and stealing on the same place in the bad space. But here I am, lying, all in the name of a game. I think it's a huge reason why I feel like shit going into this tribal. But I've got a gut feeling that they are trying to put all the votes on Rob and then have him use the idol. Which is a good way to do it but i don't know. It's hard to read people over text. But I think me and Ali are voting for Eddie :/

ROB

I'm in trouble

I love myself

EDDIE

So I just got off call with duncan and basically flipped him back onto playing the idol on a rob and idoling out Sam. How beautifully iconic? I really need to save my gentle bean rob because people keep coming for him and he is smol and needs to be protected. Not only that but Sam is a rat. So it's a win win either way. Matt keeps saying it's about power and that he would want it to be more even on the tribe and I'm just like boiiiii fuck out my face. You're getting snatched next. Like why are you telling me this is about you wanting power on this tribe like WHY. Idk if he trusts me to tell me this but he shouldn't because I used it to go to duncan and say "hey you want rob out but if we vote rob out matt with have all the power. Next round he will be the swing between us and the newbies and that's everything you don't want. So if we can idol out sam then that will take all the power away from matt." And that basically had him shooketh and he immediately was like "ok ok i dont want that ill play the idol on rob". So here we are the idol is being played on rob, Sam is getting slain, and I'm probably going to be in a very good position on this tribe. What else can a boy ask for? A new car that's what. But I don't have the money for that yet so I'll just be happy with me being in a good position on this tribe. Anyway I gotta go back to werk bye.

JD

Okay~~~ So what a cluster. We ended up with like three possibilities. But we all thing that Rob's going to use an idol, so there is no way we're voting him yet. But we want to target the old Olympians. That leaves Eddie and Logan, we really could care less with ones goes but personally Eddie scares me. In the game he scares me, he seems like a sweetheart and all but in game... honey-badger man. 

So, we're all voting for Eddie and in theory (if Duncan is really with them) then it's a 4-4 split. But with Ali's extra vote, we should win 5-4.  Here's hoping because I don't wanna be on the bottom.  

MATTHEW

LOL so this is a #mess. This round started out like I thought. The Odysseus Three set their sights on the least active person, Rob, while the Olympus Three decided to target their old tribemate Sam because they're not sure they could trust him, putting myself and Duncan in the middle. However, things got a bit tricky when Duncan and I had different ideas about what to do. Duncan wanted to stick with the Olympus folks because of his close bond with Eddie, while I thought it made more sense strategically to side with Sam and the newbies. It kinda put us in a weird power struggle where we both knew that letting the other person get their way was giving them all the power. I don't trust Duncan enough to be sure that he wouldn't just ditch me for Eddie if it came down to it, and I'm sure he had the same reservations. Things started to get sketchy for me when I started campaigning against Rob to Duncan because Eddie and Rob immediately messaged me at the same time. Like...way to be subtle, guys. It really made me question where I stood in their eyes, and I wasn't about to put myself at the bottom of a 5 person alliance. I kept trying to convince Duncan that voting out Rob would put us in a powerful position but he didn't seem to want to go for it, and immediately I started playing the defensive. At that point, everyone on their side was acting so sketchy by trying to "play dumb" and downplay their closeness that I knew I needed to stick with Sam, JD and Ali. If it went to rocks...it went to rocks!! However, Ali received a godsend from the Labyrinth in the form of an extra vote, so our foursome is now able to pull off the numbers. Logan, Eddie and Duncan then all said they'd be willing to vote out Rob, but it all seemed a little too easy, especially after how sketchy they've been acting all day. JD and Ali then spearheaded a movement to actually vote for EDDIE in case they decide to play an idol on Rob. It's a huge move, and these newbies are here to play which I love to see, but it definitely scares me how everyone is gonna react next round. Even though Duncan and Logan will probably hate us, it's the best move to ensure our safety and that we can maintain a solid majority for the next few rounds.

ALI

Ugh, I loved our video so much, but Olympus' was amazing too... I mean Trevor waving a knife seductively? Iconic. Anywho, this vote is super complex. I've dubbed it, 'Operation 5 to Stay Alive', but to form this 5 is hard, our tribe dynamics are super complex. I mean, I'm kind of an outsider, and beggars can't be choosers when it comes to these things. Here is my breakdown of tribe dynamics atm: The Olympus 3: Logan and Rob are close, with Eddie with them, but potentially the 3rd? Then, I get the sense that Duncan is close with Logan and Eddie, which is problematic, as I think we should get rid of one of the Olympus people.... Hmmmmmnnnnn. Otherwise, I'm closest with JD and Matt. I'm scared for Sam, in that I'm concerned the Olympus three are gonna target him. I really hope Duncan is up for voting off an Olympus person, it just seems to make the most sense...

SAM

hey i love being on the road and making confessionals! so i lost another music video challenge--i've never outright won one of those before, so i didn't have good vibes coming in. no surprises. duncan and i talked a lot after the challenge about voting out rob and he was very cool about it, stating that he's more closer to eddie and logan. fine. i'm okay. i go to bed. this morning i did that™ on my thermo exam (woot!) and then went to the labyrinth. using my torch i found a bust that looked LIKE IT WAS ONCE WEARING A NECKLACE. damn you, father time. i almost found an idol for the first time in a year. i then found out that the former olympus members want to target me--not a surprise because i dumped their asses, but i really wish i had gotten that idol. what upset me more is that duncan is campaigning for me to leave. he was being suspicious by complimenting my new style of gameplay and such but it did hurt a little after he had said he wanted to work with me this go around. then LATER IN THE DAY ALI TELLS ME HE GOT AN EXTRA VOTE IN THE LABYRINTH so then myself, ali, jd, and matt began scheming for a positive. these newbies are willing to go to war for me , which I LOVE. we need more ferocious players. i'm so impressed. so, we're thinking eddie for tribal because he's the most adept of the bangladesh 3 to do damage, but we might have some more tricks up our sleeves come tribal tonight. ;)

SAM

hi these newbies are willing to go to rocks for me and i've never felt so giddy

JD

OMG! also I just realized that, an hour before tribal, that we planned a blindside! A little slow but yes! Also, Duncan saying that me and Eddie were at work, I don't think I told him that, so there tots working together 

ALI

To clarify how our plan (me, Sam, Matt and JD) for this vote came about. Basically, the tribe was originally seemingly split 4-4 (Logan, Duncan, Eddie and Rob vs the 4 people above). I by some miracle, got an extra vote, saving us from a tie, and thus, we have 5 votes between us. Duncan may've flipped, we don't know, so we've made a majority amongst ourselves, to try and make his vote just seem additional. We are also nervous, as Logan said their casting their 'votes' plural, which could remake it into a tie eeek! :) Who knows, this could be my final tribal! If so, in the words of the legendary Sandra Diaz Twine, 'the queen stays queen, adios!'.

DUNCAN

This vote? A mess?

This idol? A mess?

My future in this game? Probably a mess. Matt summers and I are swing votes and it's ugly because I need to use this idol tonight because I don't want to keep getting disadvantages in challenges. Ummm I'm so sorry Samuel. I'm willing to take a chance on the unknown as oppposed to having a shitty ally again. This could very well be my last confessional. Also I want to shout out my sister Ariel and Mitch! Love ya! *MWAH*

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158247749721/tribal-council-4-othrys 

[matsunjun]

Joined that VDay thing at the fandom. It was nice having conversations with my partner, though fleeting.

I kinda felt happy--like I was a part of something, but at the same time, I felt like I wasn’t...a part of it?

Maybe because I came in late, or that I am not a part of their clique, but even though I was in the group, I felt like an outsider.

This reminds me of when I was in the BANA fandom for awhile. I made friends with one of the popular BANAs, and she would tell me that she wants everyone to know me, but at the same time she just wants to keep me for herself. That kinda gave me mixed feelings, tbh.

And finally, she did introduce me to her group, and I made another friend aside from her--and we actually met up irl to hang out 3x. But they were the only ones that spoke to me even though it was a huge group. I felt so left out, and ultimately that feeling was the major factor as to why I left the fandom. I feel like a few were intimidated to talk to me, and those that shared a small conversation with me probably realized how awkward I am. 

I’m not any good in partaking in conversations...also, I do get annoyed by people easily.

I think, the one time I felt like I really belonged in a fandom was when my friends and I organized the Arashi fanmeets. That was so much fun, and everyone talked to everyone. And when I had a breakdown in the corner because of my OTP, someone I didn’t know in the fandom very well asked if I was ok LOL.

I miss the Arashi fandom. I want to have another fanmeet! I wanna help organize it again! *O*