#and the entire reason i was trying to get this degree was to get a higher paying job
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hi, hope your holiday season is going well! i was rewatching the phantom menace and got to the very end where obi-wan talks with yoda about his determination: "i will train anakin. without the approval of the council if i must" and wondered what your interpretation of that was.
my first thought was that either there are cases when jedi can train someone even if the council disagrees, or obi-wan is willing to give up being a jedi.
the first scenario seems possible (?) given that qui-gon's solution to the council's refusal to train anakin was to say that he would take him as a padawan and that obi-wan was ready for the trials; the council's immediate response was less so about anakin, but about how the code forbids two padawans, and that they will judge obi-wan's readiness. perhaps that implies that there's some level of autonomy where the council can't interfere with master-padawan choices; but yoda does go on to say that anakin's fate will be decided later, so maybe they have the final say? if so, then why would obi-wan think it possible to train anakin without the council's approval?
the other choice would be what's often in alternative au fics: obi-wan leaves to train anakin. it's more straightforward, but as someone who strongly believes that the core of obi-wan's character is being a jedi, i wonder if he would ever truly decide to leave the order on his own volition. i don't think its in character for him to do so for his own happiness (which is why the satine line "if you said the word" doesn't hit for me). here, it is more plausible since it's specifically for qui-gon and his belief in anakin as the chosen one who must be trained. but that also makes me wonder if obi-wan places his promise to qui-gon on higher priority than his commitment to the jedi, and what that says about his character.
any thoughts? it's possible i'm sleep-deprived and overthinking, but you have a much broader grasp on the sw universe than me.
I imagine that there is a middle ground here to some degree of Obi-Wan being able to train Anakin (and not leave the Order himself) without Anakin technically being considered a Jedi PADAWAN.
In later years, post Order 66, status as a padawan is determined primarily by just whether you got trained by someone who considered themselves a Jedi. Ezra is a padawan because he was trained by Kanan, Luke is a padawan because he was trained by Obi-Wan and Yoda. But BEFORE Order 66, during the Republic era, status as a Jedi padawan does require you to be a member of the Jedi Order officially. This doesn't stop a Jedi from just training someone on their own if they choose to do so, but it means that the person they train theoretically isn't supposed to claim the title of Jedi (they COULD, obviously, this isn't something that would likely be super enforced, but if it got back to the actual Jedi Order, things could be sticky for them).
However, Qui-Gon's claim that he's just going to take Anakin as his padawan also seems to imply that it's entirely possible for Jedi to just... do that, to just pick up a random Force sensitive child and bring them in and say "This one's my padawan now" without needing to wait for official approval from the Council. It's also possible Qui-Gon is pushing the limits of what he's technically allowed to do in order to get his way, and that he's hoping the Council will just let Anakin in the Order as a normal Initiate so he doesn't HAVE to do this. You can probably interpret it a few different ways.
So I think that Obi-Wan is saying he'll do whatever it takes. He'll train Anakin while remaining a Jedi himself, or he'll leave the Jedi to train him, and whatever else he has to do to complete his promise. I don't know that it's a super specific threat, he's leaving it vague for a reason.
I also think that, much like Qui-Gon before him, he's not truly expecting to have to follow through with it. Both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon use this as an ultimatum to try to FORCE the Council to comply with their wishes in order to keep it from happening. They're both anticipating that the Council will fold and just make Anakin a member of the Order. Obviously by the time Obi-Wan makes his declaration, the Council's already decided to let Anakin into the Order anyway, Obi-Wan just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know that this is proof that Qui-Gon or Anakin were more important to Obi-Wan than his identity as a Jedi. The Jedi's first priority is supposed to be following the will of the Force, and Qui-Gon firmly believed that training Anakin was exactly that. Obi-Wan didn't really, but he's chosen to have faith in Qui-Gon's faith at this point. He's choosing to believe that Qui-Gon knew something he did not, so he's following the will of the Force by following Qui-Gon's will. I think, as far as Obi-Wan's concerned, he IS acting like a Jedi in this moment. It's perhaps not the Jedi he thought he'd be, but it's the Jedi he's committed to being now.
All that being said, I DO generally think it would be perfectly in character for Obi-Wan to leave the Order if he felt it necessary. It's been used twice now that I know of in officially licensed content: Jedi Apprentice by Jude Watson, and Padawan by Kiersten White (note that while Obi-Wan DOES fully leave the Order in JA, he doesn't actually officially do so in Padawan, but he does consider it pretty seriously for most of the book). In both stories, he doesn't leave for his own happiness, he leaves because he wants to stay on a particular planet in order to help some kids he's connected with and he's begun to doubt his place among the Jedi. By the end of the story, he generally has to realize that his desire to help these people is exactly why he DOES want to be a Jedi, because that's the path that will allow him to do that, and he chooses to commit to it more fully.
I think, at the end of TPM, Obi-Wan is in a place where he could absolutely feel like leaving the Order to train Anakin was the right thing to do if the Council makes it necessary. I don't know that he WANTS to, he'd RATHER be allowed to remain in the Order and train Anakin as a regular padawan, but he's chosen to believe that training Anakin is Important and so he'll do whatever it takes to accomplish that task, regardless of what that requires of him. Qui-Gon believed it was the will of the Force, and Obi-Wan made a promise. He WILL see it through. You could make a solid argument that no Jedi SHOULD see their identity as a Jedi as more important than doing the right thing, or following the will of the Force. The very concept of "being a Jedi" can become an attachment of its own, as we see with Anakin himself later. The reason he doesn't just leave the Order to marry Padme is because he can't let go of his desire to be a Jedi and what that means to him. Obi-Wan's willingness to let go of something that IS important to him is actually an example of a LACK of attachment rather than an indication of an attachment to either Qui-Gon or Anakin. I think most true Jedi would be willing to set that identity down if they absolutely had to.
Obviously Obi-Wan's motivations in this moment are somewhat complicated, his love and his grief for Qui-Gon ARE mixed in there, but I also genuinely believe that this is an important moment of GROWTH for Obi-Wan. His willingness to lay aside his identity as a Jedi in order to do something that Qui-Gon believed was the will of the Force IS a step forward for Obi-Wan towards that ultimate Jedi we know he becomes.
I think it's important to remember that Obi-Wan is, for the most part, a work in progress throughout the Prequels. By the end of TPM, he ISN'T the wise old Jedi Master that we know he'll become. He's still learning, still working on the skills that will allow him to grow into that person. So his statement that he'd be willing to leave the Order if it comes to it is both a moment of growth and an indicator that perhaps Obi-Wan is still GROWING. An important part of who Obi-Wan becomes is that he ultimately chooses to refuse to let go of being a Jedi, even in the darkest of circumstances, even when he's lost everything. So much as this is a step towards Obi-Wan learning to put his faith in the Force, it's also an indicator that this Obi-Wan ISN'T the one we meet on Tatooine in ANH yet, too.
Obi-Wan IS the Ultimate Jedi in so many ways, and being a Jedi IS important to him in-universe, but I don't think that his willingness to leave it if he had to in order to train Anakin is an indicator that it's not as important to him as Qui-Gon or Anakin.
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Okay, this, as always, a lot, so I'm going to try my best to reply to the core conversation because if I try to reply to all of this my ADHD is gonna tie me up in knots. I'm also putting this under a cut to help with the overall post length.
If you think that Dean's terrible decision to wipe Lisa and Ben's memories of him, was misogynistic then we are coming at this from really different definitions. Because Dean has a habit of making sweeping, life-altering decisions for other people without taking them or their wishes into account, he overrides or just doesn't consider them <- and this notably includes his brother. This is not based on Lisa being female, Dean just prioritizes his own emotions over other people's everything. If I read this correctly, you said that you were sympathetic to Dean's decision to force Sam to let Gadreel possess him, even though you knew it wasn't going to work out well. But Dean removing himself entirely from Lisa and Ben's lives, wiping all of their memories of him, something that he, right or wrong, felt was the only way to save them from himself and the epic levels of disaster that follow him, was a bridge too far and, somehow, misogynistic? However you're making this distinction does not make sense to me.
Misogyny literally means hatred of women, from the Greek root words misein “to hate” and gyne “woman”. And yeah, I know that root words don't entirely determine current definitions or common usage, but, there is that particular layer to the definition of misogyny that sets it apart from the definition of sexism.
Yes, we are all swimming in an ocean of patriarchy and it really isn't a matter of "all men" for anything, because humans are nuanced and complicated. We also learn and grow, but also, too often, get damaged and hurt along the way. Or decide to "play along" rather than stand up against the shitty things other people say, for a whole host of possible reasons. Anyone is capable of doing something, or thinking something, or saying something that is misogynistic. Just occasionally falling into that doesn't equal "being a misogynist" either. For that label to stick, one would have to have a persistent track record of saying and doing (and thus thinking) misogynistic things, proving that they actually do harbor a hatred or negative view of women in general. There are different levels to all of this nuance that are easier to discuss and to avoid miscommunication, to discuss more effectively, when we utilize words with nuanced differences to their meanings.
Some of what you talked about would definitely fall into the misogyny bucket, yes. But some of it wouldn't, some of it is better defined as sexism, while some of it I'm not even sure has anything to do with gender really at all.
I feel like I need to convey my sympathy for the personal experiences that you shared, I don't want to gloss over or ignore it. While I have never been in exactly that sort of situation, I have had friends say some out of fucking line shit to me. Sometimes we were in a situation where I was able to call them out on it, and so I did. Other times, I let stuff slide because I did not feel safe standing up for myself, or standing up against something awful being lobbed at me. So I do get that. It sucks. What your partner said was, truly, horrifying, at least from where I'm standing, and I can only imagine the effect that would have had and likely still has, to some degree, on you.
I am not saying that all the things that happened in the show and on the set for the show were never inappropriate or never wrong/bad, because people are complex and there are a lot of layers to most everything. And, as I mentioned in my original post, sexism was definitely at play. I still think that the majority of what people call misogyny is actually better defined by the word sexism, and that the overuse of misogyny muddies up the meanings of these words and makes it so that when I say, "That's not misogyny, it's sexism," what people seem to hear is, somehow, that I'm brushing off everything as not problematic.
So, to be clear, something doesn't need to be labeled misogyny to be problematic. Sexism is still very problematic.
And, yes, definitions of words change over time. Hopefully this happens as our understanding of situations evolve. But, what I am seeing in the prevalence of the preferred, nearly exclusive, use of "misogyny," with nary a use of the word "sexism" to be seen, is that we are actually losing important nuance. You and everyone else, are free to use whatever word you think best fits, of course. But I'm probably going to be sitting over here thinking that this whole conversation would be clearer and much more effective if we kept both words in play.
Cool, since the OP made the post non-reblogable, I'm just going to put this here...
Again, not saying it's not sexist. I actually literally said it was (as can be seen in this handy dandy highlighted screenshot of my post they were responding to. It's just not misogynistic. OP seems to have completely missed that distinction. Oh no, wait, they didn't miss it they commented on it in their tags...
Yeah, the terms have been being muddied up for a long while, but if no one ever pushes back on that, then we will lose the distinction and any hope of having an educated or nuanced conversation might as well be flung out the window. Ffs. Yes, word usage changes, and evolves, but not all changes or evolutions are good things.
Sam and Dean have sexist baggage. Dean more than Sam. And that is because Kripke and the writers and producers and directors and just a lot of people in general, have sexist baggage. So call it sexist. I mean, why the insistence on specifically using the word with the worse layers of meaning, when those worse layers don't actually seem to apply???
Obviously, this isn't just this one person, so many people do this. And I'm not picking on this one person, which is why I'm not tagging them and really don't care if they see this or not. I'm griping simply from my own frustration at how willfully reductive people in general are.
#as always your responses are thoughtful and I really appreciate the chance to discuss stuff with you#and do not in any way intend this to be combative#I do read all reblogs and tags and comments#but since I don't want to just argue I may not respond again unless I think of something new to say
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would u guys still love me even if i take one billion years to finish college
#my school has the most bullshit grading metric ever imagined#uve heard of courses that require a 70% to pass...... get ready for courses that require a 70% in each individual grading category for each#individual class in order to pass#and if u underperform in one category in any of ur classes for any reason ur kicked out of the entire program#u can return and try again Once.#ANYWAY. THE STRESS OF THAT ALONE IS MAKING ME LOOK AT SIMILAR DEGREES I CAN JUST FUCKIN WORK TOWARDS ONLINE.
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I made a meme do you leik it :)
#i am SUFFERING out here#i have a presentation and essay for one module a presentation for another module and an object to make with a 1000 word explanation??#for another module all due within the next two weeks#and i am unable to get out of bed 👍🏻#fantastic timing dont you think#theres been trouble with my antidepressents so im off those too which ahahahahah doesnt help#and i cant got to the doctors for them cause ill have to fight for it and then that will give them reason to not give me testosterone in#december when im due to get it cause im 'unstable' and my doctors surgery isnt very fond of me starting anyway#im not about to give them a reason to stop me from getting the perscription#so ive just got to fucking raw dog life for the first time since i was 16 how great#no i cannot complete these very important assignments that count towards my degree im trying not to throw myself into oncoming traffic soz#and also trying to manage to feed myself and perhaps leave my bedroom for a total of five minutes at least a day#this has not been entirely achievable but yk im doing my best 😀👍🏻#depressive episode#did any of yall see those two girls with a podcast that said i love my mental illness it makes me who i am#because i think about those two far too often and im so glad everyone was in the comments so much so they deleted the video lmfao cause bro#depression#can suck my dick#in a bad way
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i'm actually so livid right now. i work for disney and one of the biggest perks they offer (well, used to offer) is what's called the Aspire program, which funds tuition for higher education completely. So I decided to pursue a master's degree with the understanding that it would be fully funded by my employer. and now they've just decided (with NO warning) to change that, effective immediately, and introduce a funding cap for what they'll provide tuition. which does not cover the literal THREE classes that I have left to graduate. that i cannot afford. I am literally almost done with my program, I've been in it for over a year, worked my fucking ass off with the understanding that it's paid for and now suddenly it's not
the fact that they're taking away this benefit is already shitty enough but that they're doing it to anyone who is like. in the middle of a program is like. what the ACTUAL fuck. because now I get to choose between paying out of pocket for classes I cannot afford, when I can barely even afford rent, (and if I did have extra money i'd be using it for other things), waiting another year or possibly two to finish my program to stay under the yearly funding limit, or just cutting my losses and dropping out, essentially throwing away the months of work I've already dedicated to this degree
and like. man i wanna look at options but I kinda wanna just say fuck it and quit my studies, spend that time working on silence agenda, which i ACTUALLY want to do, and then also quit my job and work somewhere else since i'm getting burnt out at work anyway. like i have homework due in a few days but why does it fucking matter now why should I sink MORE time into this degree that i might never even be able to get. I was so fucking close.
so yeah. feeling pretty scammed and cheated right now. apparently they did try this once in the past and ended up reversing it due to public pressure? so I've been holding out hope that they'll do that again but it's looking pretty unlikely at this point.
#win rambles#i HATE IT HERE#anyway fuck not slandering the company on social media this is tumblr and who cares#what are they gonna do fire me? i already am on the verge of quitting (again)#i love my job overall but have been getting burned out anyway and leadership is a nightmare right now#and the entire reason i was trying to get this degree was to get a higher paying job
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I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman
#rat rambles#did I ever actually make a proper isat talking tag? I don't remember but erm#stars posting#anyways dont count on me committing to this au too hard since Im mostly eternal gales brained rn but I am rotating ideas in my head#shes always interested me deeply as what am I if not a sucker for women who are mostly silhouettes of a character#I was mostly just thinking abt other ppls aus where she is also looping and was thinking abt how fucked it be for her in general but also#how much more fucked it would be for her if it was Only her looping#because as far as she would know theres straight up nothing that can be done to fix this and shed be stuck in a hell of what shed be sure#is her own creation#and then I thought to myself. what if she then accidentally did a loop while trying to fix it#and then my brain also said but what if loop was also there#so I did some mental gymnastics to ignore the possible problems and decided to take an extra spin on it and just sorta add her to the main#party by having her have basically wished to be able to help them defeat the king to make things right and her getting dropped earlier#on in the adventure so I can fuck around with potential character dymamics more (cough cough siffrin)#and for the actual loops I think it'd be funny if she could remember just like loop but was fully convinced that she was looping alone#so itd be siffrin and her acting at eachother trying to hide their seperate breakdowns while meamwhile loop is just staring at her with a#whole heap of mixed emotions but mostly the confusion of who the fuck is this guy???????#and sif is just like yeah thats secret. shes a powerful craft user who's craft experiments backfired and fucked up her body. duh.#and loop just Knows that thats not true but they have no real way to bring it up properly without drawing too much suspicious#oh yeah and Im calling her secret for now. in my minds eye shes like constantly putting on different fronts in hopes that one of them will#stick but shes been able to get away with it by playing up her belief in change to a cartoonish degree#shes really trying to be strong and not raise suspicion since she does want mirabelle to be able to learn and grow from this just the same#as her own mirabelle before and just wants to be able to fix the broken wish by being there to defeat the king herself#which she had already convinced herself was the reason the wish broke since she was the one stuck remembering#I should reword it to that probably because saying shes the one looping isnt Wrong but asside from sif not remembering it still entirely#revolved around him she was just the one forced to deal with it without any real way of learning how to fix it#and while she never figured out the entirety of the sif stuff it was always him taking to her that reset the loop#so she has. complicated feelings on him. she doesn't want to be avoidant or distant or to dislike him! and as time goes on she does grow to#like him a lot! but its just. hard to look him in the eye sometimes.#and then theres the horrors of the actual main game starting and the slow but horrifying realization of how badly she fucked up
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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#had one of those days that was just fawking awful for no reason like just felt like garbage the entire day#looked at the syllabus and workload for the online class i start tuesday and#it is soooososososo much work. and i'm already kinda behind on work at my FULL TIME JOB so i'm like. there's no way in hell#i can get a decent grade in this class and keep my job at the same time while not wanting to die#it's an eight week class so there are like six assignments due per week and the due dates are on weekdays so it'll be so hard#to use my usual 'finish the assignment the day before it's due' strat#so i just told my parents i was like idk if i can do this y'all. and they were both okay w me potentially dropping it#so long as i take 16 week classes from here on out#so it's going to take me two extra years to graduate after it's already taken me four for a TWO YEARS ASSOCIATES DEGREE#that's on the physical and mental health issues.#but the good news is. if i do drop this class and have a break this semester then aslkfdlskdg#hyunjin birthday countdown: back on! winnable!#i'm working on the most complicated set of the countdown now hoping it doesn't make me too exhausted for the others asjflasjldg#still a bit less than halfway done#anyways. time to go to bed so i can wake up and try to function at work tomorrow#carly.txt
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every day i ask myself "should i quit uni" and every day i stop myself from posting it as a tumblr poll. but its getting harder
#personal#i have already decided that im putting uni on hold either next semester or the first semester of 2024#my uni lets me take 4 semesters off during the course of my graduation and i really need a break#genuinely im not enjoying it as much as i did at the start and the main reason i dont drop off entirely is because im too lazy to go back t#taking uni admission exams you know#if i tried for another uni i would have to go back to studying math and chem and physics#and it was already hard when i was just out of high school but now i havent opened a math book in almost 2 years#ugh#i think i will try to get my degree just so that i dont feel like i wasted time
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dude i’m so mad with myself bc i’ve reverted back to 11yo me who was convinced newnham college at cambridge was the place for me, and now i want to go so badly but the chances of me even getting an offer are so low, especially bc i’m taking media as an a level which is ‘not recommended’ at cambridge 😭
#thing is i always get fixated on something and for at least a few days i can only focus on the good and how badly i want it#i know that i just need to get through these next few days and then i’ll be a lot more realistic#the reason why 11yo me was so obsessed with the idea of going to newnham was bc we visited the daughter of my parents friends#and she was studying english at cambridge at newnham#and i spent the entire time there like “oh my god i want this to be my life#so my mums gonna try and get in touch w/ her so i can ask her about her degree and what she thinks of me maybe trying to go#idk english was what 11yo me was obsessed with#but i didn’t do very well in my mocks for english lit :/#and i like the idea of theology religion and philosophy of religion#esp as it has a higher acceptance rate#but i haven’t even started studying rs yet so i don’t even know how good i’ll be at the subject#idk i still don’t really need to be thinking about all of this yet#and i have to choose between media a level and a shot at getting into cambridge im picking media#bc i love it and there are no other subjects i want to do#and what’s the point in giving up on media for a uni i might not even get an offer for#sorry the long post lmao but i doubt anyone’s reading this rn#if you are ily#if i have to choose*
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Living with my in-laws after evacuating from a hurricane be like
I appreciate you love and want to spend time with me, but if you don't let me hide in the guest bedroom and write nonsense for five uninterrupted hours, I will scream
#water is out at my place for at least a month minimum#out-laws happily invited us to live with them and they're like oh yay Sam is here#and I'm like if I was home and dealt with this much social time in a row I would turn my phone off and not talk to anyone for three weeks#but no you expect me to hang out with you for at least a couple hours every night#and are concerned if you haven't seen me yet in a day#every time I overhear them ask my partner if I'm okay when I'm just trying to recharge my social battery it goes back down#the autistic energy drain of being perceived#now that I'm living with people other than my partner again every action I do at home has to go through a filter#is this inconsiderate? too noisy? will get in the way? am I being rude by not interacting with my hosts to the degree they desire?#am I fully clothed when I go get a snack or get high???#I've lived by myself since late 2016 and moved in with my partner in 2018#for a reason! it takes so much mental energy to be considerate to the degree I wish to be ahhhhh#anyway I'm 11000 words into the flower shop au and 5000 into chp. 5 of APNJ#post date entirely unknown as I am an introvert living with lonely extroverted parents who miss their family constantly and love me#I could go stay with mine but that would be even worse soooooo#my hurricane experience could be 1000% worse so it feels wrong to complain too much#but unfortunately I may still be driven mad if I live here for over a month#vowed never to live in this state again RIP#using this tumblr to vent because again don't feel like I can complain too much#was extremely lucky on so many accounts#but I would really like to go write smut without being concerned I'll be summoned for game night or whatever#as an extreme oversimplification and dramatized example#I miss home :(#we officially got power back today but city sent out another alert saying still no water for no idea how long#wooooo#shoutout to anyone who bothered to read this I'm using the vent as a way to amp myself to get back to writing#I've had a very emotionally complicated week and a half and even when I do get time to write I don't do it because not in right mindset#I miss May when I cackled to myself while writing terrible smut#my stuff#vent
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Kinda gotta admire the tiktok instagram cottagecore tradwife hoes a little bit.
Like. THEY know that the perfect pretty obedient natural-makeup gently-coiffed rural June Cleaver, barefoot-and-pregnant in a sweet little peasant dress, baking fresh bread24-7 housewife doesn't exist.
They KNOW she doesn't exist. They know she CAN'T exist- that nobody can maintain that façade without burning out eventually-
but they also know that the political divide between men and women is deeper than ever in North America, that men as a demographic are getting increasingly angry and conservative and lonely (fuck off terfs and radfems i can sense your bioessentialism coming), and that women aren't legally beholden to them anymore.
This is one of the first generations in North America where women aren't entirely reliant on finding a husband and keeping him happy to survive, to hold a bank account or live apart from their parents, and so what men are dealing with is several hundred years of being told that REAL men have hot fuckable agreeable wives and...a present reality where nobody is lining up to apply for that position.
So what these shills have done- and they ARE shills- is that they've seen that divide, that niche that isn't being filled, that role that's so unpleasant but so desired- and they've constructed a caricature for profit.
Women aren't naturally more gentle, or parental, or submissive. Women aren't naturally, effortlessly smooth and soft and hairless and desiring of simple tasks to fill their time and a big, strong provider to protect them.
But generations of marketing and media have told us it's POSSIBLE, if not for those pesky man-hating feminist libs and their oversensitive woke culture lashing out at Normal Folks for no good reason.
Like- they're selling themselves, the characters they're playing, as an IMAGE, as a FANTASY, and they rely on people BELIEVING in that fantasy to keep the money rolling in.
The people who buy into it sincerely, the women who give up their degrees and careers and financial freedom for this "simple, peaceful life" we ALL desire in some form, away from stress and technology and horrible things on the news... only to get trapped with six children and a partner with all the power who could up and strand them at any moment... they're just collateral.
Like, "Shame it didn't work out for you, have you tried losing weight and trying harder? Maybe some extra Adult Time? He wouldn't have to chase someone younger and prettier if you'd just take care of yourself and put out more."
I on't hate this faux-humble faux-simple wannabe-amish bullshit just because I grew up rural and know it's fucking stupid, hard work and blood and shit and cow piss and placement in the rain kinda crap.
I ALSO hate it because these women are straight-up class traitors, selling off not just their own image as people, but everyone else's, just to make some paper on a grift.
You know Marie Antoinette used to wear sweet little milkmaid-style dresses and play with lambs in the field, just like the poors?
Never mind that she OWNED the land, and the field, and the people, the cute little frocks, and didn't help the sheep birth, or bury the dead premies, or slaughter for meat, or fight off wolves and dogs, ferrets and foxes and rats with a stick in the winter.
It was just fashionable to pretend.
Sweet and coquettish and Quaint.
THAT is why I hate that shit, and THAT is why I give a fuck.
#The aesthetics pop off#Good for that#But don't go thinking that crap is attainable#Sex workers aren't telling you that EVERY woman will fuck you for money#Or that only the BEST women will#So what the fuck
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#November is always really difficult#would you like to know this years Big Issue?#so we’re in the process of getting our entire gas line replaced in our house#which means no heat and no hot water or anything#and unlike the 80 degree weather of last year this year it’s freezing#so we’ve been staying with my mom and sister since Monday#trying to write for NaNo while taking care of your 3 littles in a much smaller space and sleeping on your moms living room floor#0/10 would not recommend#there are reasons my mom and I haven’t shared a roof in almost 7 years#🙃🙃🙃
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Itoshi Sae has far more feline traits than those narrow turquoise eyes of his. At the top of your notes app titled “I don’t need a cat, my boyfriend already is one,” is the fact that Sae will never, ever be clingy, will never ask for your touch, and is coy about romance as a whole—but he just has to be near you.
Manshine City is playing Ubers. Ubers cannot resist having a yellow card every time they step on the pitch, and Manshine City pisses Sae off more than even he knows. You’ll press him about that later, because he’s watching the match in your shared bedroom and not the living room television which is not only bigger, but louder like he likes. Why is he fixing your temperpedic to be a damn near 90 degree angle when there’s a perfectly good couch in another room?
“Who’s winning?” You call from the bathroom. You’ve chosen to grab a bar stool from the kitchen to make yourself comfortable as you part your hair into four sections. It’s a hard ritual, but it pays dividends; you noticed that you were shedding a lot less hair when you sat down and pre-detangled before the shower. And you were a little optimistic about your last style and ended up stretching it out a few days longer than you should have. The end result wouldn’t be good to your heart.
You’re half way through finger detangling your section when you realize Sae hasn’t answered you. You lean back, the open door to your bedroom allowing you to catch a glimpse of him. There’s something off about his expression—Sae’s normally indifferent looking, sure, but there is a harder frown etched into his face. And he’s not even looking at the game. He’s glaring at…the door frame?
“Babe,” you say, and it breaks his trance. He looks up at you, but you’ve once again disappeared from his line of sight. That lean back was killing your spine.
“Huh?”
“I asked who was winning.” You carefully two-strand twist the now slippery section together, then use an alligator clip to keep it off your back. It’s kind of crazy how long your hair is now compared to the beginning of the year. You take down your next section, looking up from your lap and-!
“Holy shit!”
Sae gives you an unimpressed look in the mirror. You look at his reflection instead of him when you demand “When did you get in here?”
“While you were daydreaming.”
The tv is off. Or it’s paused. The vacuum of silence is a little uncomfortable. You were doing your hair in an old tshirt; a reprint of Sae’s U20 match jersey. It would make plenty money on the internet, and here you were getting hair products all over it. Sae looks at the front of your shirt with a wrinkled nose. Other reasons your boyfriend is a cat: he needs a fucking collar, and he pulls faces instead of vocalizing.
“What are you doing?”
“My hair.”
You can see his roaming gaze trying to piece together the exact routine you have, but he’s struggling. Before another quip can leave his mouth you elaborate. “Pre-detagnling. That way when I wash my hair it has less breakage.” You squeeze your detangler into your hands and slather it into the wetted section of hair you were working on. “I wanna keep what little hair I have.”
You get a real reaction this time—a snort of disbelief. “You have more hair on your head than Aiku has on his entire body.”
You blink. “That’s not really a metric I’m privy too.”
“He’s like a gorilla. It’s gross.”
You hum, but you love Sae’s endless opinions. You can tell he still has some rattling around in his brain that he’s having trouble spitting out. Perhaps he’s finally using a filter around you, or he’s really trying to find just the right delivery to piss you off. It’s 50/50.
He finally settles on, “You hair has gotten really long,” as he’s transfixed by the quick motion of your digits twisting the hair into a long rope. When it drops against the side of your head and he sees where it reaches, he shakes his head. “Like, really long.”
“Thanks,” you smile, and warmth spreads in Sae’s chest. “Weren’t you watching the match?”
“I paused it.”
“Why?”
He doesn’t answer. “I thought long hair bothered you?”
“It does,” you answer slowly, really trying to keep up with this conversation. Sae pings questions at you like the midfielder he is, but this is a little too quick. “But I think when I was growing my hair out the first time I never shaped it, or did styles with it. There was this girl at a restaurant I went to, like, years ago when I was at the beach with my parents who had long natural hair. She had it pulled back in a satin scarf and had like two little front pieces sticking out.” You create the style by gesturing your hands over your head. Sae’s gaze melts, the usual hard line of his mouth settling into something content.
“She was so pretty.” You have a distant look on your face, and Sae doesn’t doubt you have that crystal clear memory in your head. “I wanted to be as pretty as her. But I didn’t really know what to do with my hair, and it has really hot all the time, so I cut it. I think about it all the time though.”
Sae acknowledges your story with a nod. He traces shape of your curls with his finger, careful not to pull too hard. A soft tug elongated the spiral, and then it snapped back.
“Your hair is beautiful,” Sae suddenly spits, making eye contact with you in the mirror. “I liked it when it was short, and it’s pretty now that it’s longer. I don’t know if I ever told you.”
He hasn’t. Not so bluntly, at least. Sae never needs to occupy his hands, so he doesn’t touch your hair at all, ever, but now he coils the strands around his finger like his own personal fidget. Something stupid balloons in you lungs and press hard against your ribcage. Pride, maybe? Love, probably. You twist your neck and the piece of hair slips from his grasp.
“‘Preciate it,” you reply, adopting his casual air to force down your excitement. Sae’s face stays the same though, and he even goes so far as to press a little kiss to your exposed shoulder blade. He must feel the heat of your skin, because a smirk curls across his face. Oh, you could kill him.
“Alright, alright,” you shoo him. “I gotta get to work. This is just the pre-wash, so I’m going to take a minute in here.”
“I could shower,” he says absently, and before you could even protest, Sae is opening the shower door, rearranging products around the wall to make sure your shampoo, conditioner and wide tooth comb are front and center. “It’ll be warm though, and not scalding hot like you like it.”
“Then don’t shower with me.”
The pipes turn on, Sae’s funger’s dipping under the water the check the temperature. “It’s bad for your skin anyways.”
You don’t even mention it. You probably will halfway through when he’s “unknowingly” doing your hair for you, but it could wait.
#I hate itoshi sae if yall were wondering#blue lock#bllk#bllk x you#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#blue lock sae itoshi#bllk itoshi sae#itoshi sae#itoshi sae x reader#itoshi sae/reader#itoshi sae x you#itoshi sae x y/n#sae x reader#sae x y/n#sae x you#shout out to anyone who predetangles you’re a legend
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implied poly!141 x fem!reader
The 141 is delighted the first time they see you lose your shit with a rookie. You're working with a section on the shooting range when some dumb cunt disobeys a direct order and endangers an entire fire team.
"Are ya deaf or just dumb?!" you shout at the soldier who seems to be in shock at the damage his disobedience caused. "You were nearly the reason those three," you sweep your hand to the soldiers being helped to medical by the other fire team, "went home in a box! Yer're sapposed ta have their back. Now yer gunna have to earn their trust all over again. I wouldn' trust ya at my back after that shite." The soldier looks ready to piss himself as you take a deep breath. Instead of railing at him more, you point to the training field and say, "Run a lap a year fer the ages of each of those soldiers you injured, and if you drop or pass out, you'll just need to finish 'em later."
The 141 decide in that moment to make you theirs. Anyone with that much spitfire will be perfect.
And it is.
Until it's not. Until you turn that ferocity on them.
Maybe Soap says something stupid or Ghost does something condescending or Price tries to put you in your place or Gaz underestimates you. And the claws come out.
The boys quickly realize the venom you spewed the first time they saw you is only the beginning. The first day after the incident, you respond to their jokes and flirting with a glare more icy than Price has ever given. Day two, as they squirm under your stare and try to apologize, you are somehow more stoic than Ghost, which none thought was even possible. By day three, they move on to gestures - bringing breakfast to your room, keeping your coffee filled, getting your laundry done - that you simply respond to with words more vicious than Gaz ever delivered during interrogations. Four days in and they're at their wits end. They are practically begging for your forgiveness and approval which is when you go truly feral to a degree Soap could only ever wish to achieve.
The pet they thought they found to round out their group is really a wild animal. And their approach to you changes. They know they need to prove themselves trustworthy, so you accept their love and affection again.
You find insubordinate rookies quickly reprimanded and your own consequences backed by Price and Ghost. And despite how frustrating running training is, you're given more sections to work with. Clearly they trust you as a soldier.
Duplicate paperwork and random checks of your forms stops. Price or Laswell signs off on things in record time. They show they trust your leadership.
Finally, they stop treating you and your presence with them as a default and treasure every moment you spend with them.
more
#cod#poly!141#poly!141 x reader#tf 141#tf 141 x reader#johnny mactavish#kyle garrick#john price#simon riley#nerdygirl says
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Giant! König Headcanons
Warnings: 18+, Creep! König, Perverted! König, König Owns a Cum Jar, Size Difference, Giant! König, Size Kink, Sadistic! König, Abuse of Power, Dub-Con, Cum Soaking, Attempts at Forced Impregnation, Implied Pregnancy, Voyeurism, Hostage Situation, Human Pet! Reader, Physical Violence, Human! Reader, Fem! Reader.
Giant! König captures you after he catches you sneaking around his castle, trying to loot something of value to take back to your impoverished village.
Giant! König immediately jumps at the opportunity to take you as his human pet, throwing you into a nearby jar and closing the lid, observing you like a spider beneath a glass.
Giant! König who, after deciding he wants to keep you long-term instead of turning your body into the sprinkles atop his ice cream, creates a more sustainable living space for you after discovering you’re not as durable as he thought (almost suffocating, dehydrating, and starving to death whilst being held in that damn jar).
Giant! König surprises you with a dollhouse of his own design: a door that locks from the outside, windows too small for you to crawl through, and walls made of a material too strong for your tiny utensils to burrow through.
Giant! König doesn’t take long to start using you for his own pleasure – almost like he has no other outlet; like he was just waiting for this opportunity to come.
Giant! König who, whenever he feels like punishing you, puts you in The Jar and stares you down whilst stroking his cock, gigantic even in comparison to other giants’. He grunts, berating you, telling you how he’d “Fill you with my cock if you weren’t so small – bet I could crush you with it if I wanted to.”
When he’s ready, he cums into the jar – all over you – thick and heavy, almost drowning you with just one spurt of his load.
He loves watching you struggle to keep your head above the viscous pool he’s trapped you in as you literally swim in his semen, looking up at him with pleading eyes, begging him to “Get me out, please!”.
He’ll often leave you in there without clothes to try and teach you a lesson. Until it turns into another reason – to breed you – which you accidentally sparked in him when you told him to be careful! You’ll end up getting me pregnant!
Giant! König can’t get your words out of his head, the primal urges he’s suppressed for so long unearthed by your pleas for him to spare you, if only once.
Giant! König knows he’s way too big to fit inside you, so this – cumming profusely into a jar he’s encased you in whilst giving you no means of refusing his attempts – is the next best thing.
Giant! König gets off on the sheer size difference between the two of you – the fact that you’re entirely dependent on him for your survival. Makes him feel like the kind of giant he’s supposed to be; strong and well-seeded.
Giant! König lays awake at night and fantasises about having a family, a far-off dream until you came along. It’s all he can think about as the image of you, his tiny wife, swollen to an almost painful degree as you bear his children, floods his mind, makes his cock twitch – harden. He resists the urge to relieve himself of this burden, preferring to save every ounce of his seed for you rather than wasting even a drop of it.
Giant! König who, despite his…questionable treatment of you, does try to treat you well. He lets you eat as much as you want, both because he knows you come from a poor background and because he has to keep you healthy to bear his offspring — especially since he knows they’ll be quite big compared to you.
Giant! König enjoys questioning you about your life before him, how humans work, what they do all day, whether the stereotypes of them all being lustful, pride-driven, creatures are true.
If you validate any part of this stereotype, he’ll use that as an excuse to sink you in even more of his cum, to subject you to the task of sitting on his cock (horizontally, might I add) while he commands you to get yourself off by humping the shaft.
Man’s had no outlet for basicall all his life – he’s feral.
Giant! König loves to watch you while you’re tucked up in your dollhouse, observing everything you do. Humans are a rarity in the Giant Lands, so to have one in his home is a mythic occurrence.
Giant! König loves showing you off; he thrives on the reaction he gets when his friends see you. You’re, as stated before, a rarity in their parts, often used as a delicacy rather than a pet since humans aren’t particularly sturdy compared to giants, so managing to keep one alive is something of a status symbol in itself; the mark of a truly capable mate (hence captive humans are often given as courting gifts between giants).
However, König is also highly protective of you – especially after he caught Horangi (another giant he’d been showing you off to) goading you – harassing you – stroking his cock, telling you to “Lick the tip. Never felt a human tongue before.”
Needless to say, König never invited him around again after that.
Giant! König is, obviously, good with his hands and technical know-how. Thus, if his method of soaking you in his semen doesn’t work when trying to knock you up, he’ll create some unlawful contraption to make it inevitable.
Despite his size, König has managed to make a tiny glass syringe that he’s packed with his cum, holding you down easily with one hand as he presses the tip to your entrance, pumping you full of his seed.
He struggles to contain how the scene – the feeling – of you trying desperately to fight him off, to stop him from filling you, makes him feel. You have to watch the bulge between his legs grow as the feeling of being filled past full overcome you.
Giant! König does this as many times as he likes until he knows his seed’s taken, when you start showing. Which, considering how big his offspring will be, is pretty early on.
He definitely makes maternity clothes for you – comfortable garments that show the swell of your stomach as the weeks crawl by into months.
Giant! König loves bathing you, too. Especially after he’s covered you in his cum.
There’s something so intimate and gentle about it – a scarcity in the Giant Lands. Having something so small and fragile in his hands, knowing that he can crush you in his grip at any moment, makes him feel…responsible. Trustworthy.
Giant! König will never let you go, btw. You can try to run as much as you want, but he’ll always catch up to you, his human pet.
Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)
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#cod#cod modern warfare#cod x reader#cod smut#mw2#cod konig#konig x reader#konig x you#konig#konig x reader smut#konig smut#konig cod#konig call of duty#konig mw2#konig x y/n#mw2 smut#mw2 x reader#mw2 x you#konig headcanons#cod x you
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