#and the back of a cape buffalo

[addaxbones]

La Jetee, 1962 by Chris Marker

[strid3rofthen0rth]

Sometimes, you make the perfect bowl of oatmeal, and everything is going to be ok

[textless]

One morning we came across a group of lions gnawing away at a cape buffalo who was already past caring.

A couple of female lions and some cubs enjoyed breakfast while the male, who had already eaten, lazed in the grass. Over an hour or so, a whole parade of scavengers arrived to wait, sneak in for a nibble, and hold one another at bay, all while the lions remained focused on their meal.

It was gruesomely fascinating, and the photos are below so you can skip them if the whole thing is too red in tooth and claw.

In the last photo above, the lion is scratching dirt over the bloody ground where the buffalo met its demise. Our guide said that diminishes the scent of the kill and its siren call to every hungry creature, but it's safe to say plenty of creatures were already on the case.

Jackals had been close by since we arrived, but they got steadily bolder as the lions dawdled. Then an assortment of vultures arrived. Of course they flew in, but then they edged closer on foot. They were remarkably stealthy for such enormous birds.

The vultures pictured above include lappet-faced vultures and white-backed vultures.

Finally, the little jackals couldn't wait another minute. The lions had pushed the buffalo stomach off to one side, intact, and that is where the jackals made their move.

The big male lion had returned to the buffet by this time, and lost patience with the company.

Annoyed, the lion moved the buffalo a little. This left some bits and pieces behind, including the stomach, and the jackals and vultures went to town.

Just when it seemed the jackals would finally have a chance to dig in, the hyenas that had been creeping around the edges decided they had waited long enough.

It was interesting to see the one unfortunate buffalo provide a meal for the whole wild kingdom.

When we moved on to have our own breakfast, the male lion was still standing guard.

Masai Mara, Kenya, July 2023.

[bibucktrashpanda]

So this started out as a headcanon for @kinardbuckleys and well here we are. I am absolutely not using this as a vehicle my own ADHD insecurities, I write, you know like a liar. Also, this is my new 911 sideblog, I was posting as @spntrashpanda

The youtuber is real and is amazing, if you are interested, look up Casual Geographic. Also, the story of how Robert Ballard actually found the Titanic is incredible, it really was a cover story. He talks about it here in a talk at the University of Rhode island. The Titanic stuff starts at 9 minutes 15 seconds but the whole video is great.

Okay so we all know how Buck likes to share facts and can ramble a little, I just have an image in my head of Tommy working under the hood of the jeep in his garage, Buck takes good care of it but Tommy just wants to give it a tune up.

It's a rainy muggy Tuesday and Tommy and Buck's schedule had lined up to give them the same 24 off. Tommy had been eager to take a look under the jeep's hood. Buck just shrugs and pulls up a stool to watch, keeping him company, just sharing facts.

At some point he freezes and stops talking incredibly self-conscious about talking for so long and he knows he started with talking about the black death in Europe and how it changed the medieval economic structure how and is now inexplicably on how finding the Titanic was actually a side mission for the US Navy. He closes his eyes in embarrassment because he has been working on it, really, but he just gets so excited by new knowledge and wants to share it.  He jumps when Tommy cups his cheek asking if he's okay. Buck blushes and looks down "Sorry I know I can be a lot when I get going, I’m not even sure how we ended up here.”

Tommy uses his hand to tilt Buck’s head buck up until they are eye to eye. “Evan, I like hearing you talk. You get so animated. I don’t want you to ever think you need to be anything other than who you are. And you went from the black death to the African Cape buffalo being nicknamed “black death” to this youtuber who has the most hilarious animal videos even if he is unfairly prejudiced against orcas, I don’t think he is by the way, orcas are ruthless, to orcas having their own cultures in different geographic areas to ocean currents and then how currents helped figure out where the Titanic is to how looking for the Titanic was a cover story for the guy who found it who was actually looking for sunken nuclear submarines.”

Buck gapes at Tommy because what? Tommy chuckles softly and kisses him. “I told you, I like listening to you.” He presses a kiss to Buck’s forehead and turns back to the jeep. Buck just sits there heart bursting to full, basking in the love and acceptance.

“So, you were mentioning how he actually found it?” Tommy looks over and prompts Buck.

Buck grins and starts again “Yeah, the Navy was pissed when he actually found it since they couldn’t use it as a cover story anymore.” He continues letting his mind jump from place to place as Tommy leans back under the hood.  

End

Why are these two so writable???

[pancakesnake-exe]

224 FACTS ABOUT

The Stig

It is The Stig

It was originally going to be called “The Gimp”, but was renamed The Stig, which means having a bad fashion sense while being born poor

“We don't know its name, we really don't know its name, nobody knows its name, and we don't want to know, because it's a racing driver.”

The Stig wears its helmet on set and most cast members don’t know who it is.

The Stig does not know who it is because they wiped its memory when it got the job.

It is the Pope.

There is only one The Stig.

The Stig used to work in Rome[as the pope], but gave up its job to be able to keep up with its work here

It has no face

It is terrified of scouts

The drinks cabinet in its car contains 14 different types of custard

Its favourite T-shirt has a picture of a T-shirt

It is afraid of bells

It is confused by stairs

It never blinks

The Stig is kept in the cupboard when not in use

It naturally faces magnetic north

It has a digital face

The Stig has an evil twin named Black Stig who died after driving off an aircraft carrier but came back to life https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Lkh0uWFg9c

It will charge you if you attempt to remove its helmet

Its nipples are explosive

It paid a $25,000 expenses claim for some gravel for his moat

The Stig has three legs

The Stig once dreamt for a whole week straight about what Rubens Barrichello would look like in a ham slicer

The Stig is banned from the town of Chichester

The Stig is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ

The Stig bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh

If you hold it in the wrong way, it doesn't work properly

It is 47% horse

It has 17 children due to faulty condoms

The Stig has a special pissing technique that causes floods

It once punched a horse to the ground

It has Mansell Syndrome

The Stig runs on diesel

It has a very small brain

It “has no understanding of the concept of money”

The Stig’s credit card says “The Stig” and is issued by The Bank of Money

The Stig’s favorite genres of music are: Morse code, whale songs, baroque music, advertising jingles, country & western music, sales techniques, foreign language learning tapes, ABBA but French, speeches of Margaret Thatcher, Elton John, pipe bands, vuvuzelas, national anthems, Tuvan throat singing, self help audiotapes, and “an annoying ringing sound”

The Stig has to receive awards in its left hand, as its right one is magnetic

The Stig has decided all northerners are edible

It’s mission statement is to "just go out there and drive fast"

The Stig’s opinion is worthless

The Stig has died multiple times, but the Grim Reaper is too afraid to tell it.

The extent of The Stig’s knowledge outside racing is two facts about ducks

Both facts are wrong

The three others once reenacted the journey of the three wise men, and at the end, the manger held a baby The Stig.

The next episode a month later, it was fully grown. Due to “Stigs grow very quickly, and the new The Stig was thus already fully grown.”

Stigs must be transported in delivery crates

The Stig has a fatter American cousin called Big Stig, who is a more relaxed driver

The Stig has an African cousin who only wears boots, a loincloth, racing gloves, and a helmet, has watched “The Lion King” 1780 times, ands second-best friend is a Cape buffalo

The Stig has a cousin who works as a truck driver named Rig Stig who can power slide and drift in trucks, has only one sleeve and wears special gloves, favorite song is “Forever Autumn" by Justin Hayward, and owns the world’s largest porn collection

The Stig has a red-suited Vietnamese cousin who is a communist and rides a motorcycle.

The Stig has a vegetarian cousin named Janet Stig Porter whose helmet is solar powered and wears overalls and socks with sandals

The Stig has a German cousin named Herr Stig who is identical to The Stig in every way besides having a mullet

The Stig has an Italian cousin named Bunga-Bunga Stig who wears a suit, is followed everywhere by three women, and only drives Italian sports cars

The Stig has a Chinese cousin named Attack Stig who is a kung-fu master, attacks anyone on sight indiscriminately, kicked James Lemay in the balls, beat up a large amount of the crew(even stopping in the middle of his timed lap to attack a track Marshall who accidentally entered its line of sight), and looks almost the same as The Stig

The Stig has a teenage cousin who wears headphones, wears low waist line pants showing its underwear, always looks at its phone, and made a mobile game titled “Top Gear: Race The Stig”

The Stig has an Australian cousin who lives in an open cut iron ore mine, wears dusty overalls and flip-flops, is very muscular, and has a very “large gentlemanly sausage”

The Stig has three other teenage cousins who are triplets, wear three different colored headphones and smartphones, and all have low waist line pants showing their underwear

The Stig has a Emirati cousin who looks similar to the normal Stig but wears a ghutrah on top its helmet and a huge diamond watch

The Stig has a relative of unknown association called “StigFoot” who lives in the woods

The Stig has a Japanese cousin named Ninja Stig who is a ninja, and wears a black helmet, a black ninja outfit, and has a katana on its back

The Stig has a business cousin named Business Stig who wears a red tie and a set of braces

The Stig’s father is named StigDad and wears a tank top and flare trousers

The Stig has another Australian cousin who lives upside down

The Stig has a New Zealander cousin named The Stug

The Stig has a Colorodonian cousin named Backwoods Stig who wears white racing overalls with torn off sleeves.

The Stig has a Yorkshire cousin named T’Stig with a flat cap on its helmet and 2 dogs by his feet at all times

The Stig has its own children’s book trilogy

The Stig has a chiseled jawline

The Stig has no friends

The Stig never blinks

The Stig roams the woods at night, foraging for wolves

The Stig is wanted by the CIA

The Stig sleeps upside down like a bat

The Stig can catch fish with its tounge

The Stig appears on high value stamps in Sweden

The Stig is illegal in 17 states

The Stig blinks sideways

The Stig’s breath smells like magnesium

Two of The Stig’s legs are hydraulic

The Stig lives in a tree

It’s sweat can be used to clean precious metals

It’s heart ticks like a watch

It’s voice can only be heard by cats

The Stig has two sets of knees

There is an airport in Russia named after it

Its skin has the texture of a dolphin

No matter where you are in the world, if you tune a radio to 88.4, you can hear its thoughts

The Stig has no understanding of clouds

Its earwax tastes like Turkish delight

The Stig is a master of politics

It’s tears are adhesive

If you set The Stig on fire, it would burn for a thousand days

The Stig can swim seven lengths under the water

The Stig has webbed buttchecks

Its heart is upside down

Its teeth glow in the dark

Its ears “aren’t where you would expect them to be”

The Stig once had an affair with John Prescott

If it felt like it, it could fire Alan Sugar

The Stig has upside down genitals

If it wanted to, it could crack the DaVinci Code in 43 seconds

Its ears have a paisley lining

The Stig is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show

The outline of The Stig’s left nipple is the exact same shape as the Nürburgring

If given a truly important job, The Stig will slack off and play croquet instead

The Stig invented Branston Pickle

On exceptionally warm days, it will shed its skin like a snake

The Stig is allergic to the Dutch

It’s first name is The

If it went in Celebrity Love Island, every one would be pregnant, including the cameramen

The Stig once threw a microwave at someone

The Stig once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner

The Stig has nothing to do with the cash-for-honors scandal

The Stig is a CIA experiment that went wrong

The Stig only eats cheese

If you lick its chest, it will taste exactly like piccalilli

The Stig sucks moisture from ducks

Its crash helmet is modeled after Brittany Spears’ head

The Stig isn’t machine washable

All its potted plants are named Steve

The Stig’s scrotum has its own gravity field

To unlock The Stig, you must run your finger down its face

The Stig thought Star Wars was a documentary

The Stig is afraid of Australian trees

61 years ago, The Stig accidentally introduced the Queen of England to a Greek racialist

The Stig was beheaded, but grew it back

When it slows down, break lights turn on in his butt

The Stig is bad at soccer

The Stig once lost a canoe on a beach in the Northeast

The Stig once had to do time in a prison in Canterbury, because its teddy bear was named Baby Jesus

The Stig has never sat on Santa’s knee

The Stig has never watched Moonraker on Boxing Day

After having sex, The Stig bites the head off its partner

The Stig had to give up binge drinking when prices reached $1.50 a litre

Each of its toenails are exactly the same length as a woman’s nipples

It thinks Credit Crunch is a type of cereal

Its droppings have been found as far as New York

The Stig has a full-size tattoo of The Stig’s face on its face

It is impossible for The Stig to wear socks

The Stig can open a beer bottle with its testes

The Stig sleeps inside out

The Stig once had sex with an answering machine

The Stig invented November

One of its eyes is a testicle

Its left leg gets longer when it sees someone it finds attractive

The Stig doesn’t like getting its helmet wet

The Stig invented the curtain

The Stig thinks potato chips are a type of animal

The Stig is baffled by urinals

The Stig has twelve GCSEs, all in domestic science

The Stig has been producing artificial sperm for years, even though the team has repeatedly asked it not to

On Thursdays, The Stig becomes extremely bulbous

The Stig is highly contagious of the “The Stig Flu”, which killed countless pigs in Mexico

If The Stig compensated a soldier for getting wounded, it wouldn't try to take it all back again

The Stig made someone bald once

In the Autumn, all its arms turn brown and fall off

if it wrote you a letter of condolence, The Stog would get your name right

The Stig has terrible plans involving the Moon

The Stig‘s new Christmas range of fragrances includes the great smell of Wednesday

The Stig was turned down for the job of EU President because its face was just too recognizable

The Stig has never once hit a fire hydrant.

You shouldn't go around to its house for your Christmas lunch unless you enjoy the taste of seagull

The Stig has to take his shoes off with an alum key

The Stig’s New Year's Resolution is to eat fewer mice

Its discharge is luminous

There are 17 different reasons why The Stig is banned from the North Hampton branch of Little Chef

Its favourite airline pilot is Mark Webber, or two, actually

The Stig has an irrational hatred of Rubens Barricello

The Stig is terrified the BBC will reveal its salary because its paid in hardcore porn

Some people think the Scottish released it a little bit too soon

The Stig once spent all week slowly pushing an effigy of Rubens Barricello through his desk fan

The Stig has recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym of "Lady Gaga"

Under its race suit, The Stig also wears a red G-string and suspenders

The Stig doesn't understand the word "envelope"

The Stig is the only person in Britain not to have slept with Alan Johnson's policeman

The Stig once tore a goat in half

Its nipples are explosive

In its wallet, it keeps a photograph of its wallet

Its favourite disease it had as a child was gout

The Stig doesn’t know what dogs are for

The Stig can't eat mashed potato for religious reasons

The Stig once received 47,000 Olympic tickets, all of them for the final of women's wrestling

The Stig refuses to acknowledge the existence of Nottinghamshire

The Stig once hacked into its own helmet

The Stig is the only person in Britain who knows what B&Q stands for

The Stig once spent its $1.5 million dollar bonus on French breast implants

The Stig has 50,000 photographs of its own camera

The Stig has high horsepower

The Stig is skilled in cocktail-making

The Stig is the only person in history to buy a DFS sofa when it wasn’t on sale

Its favourite boxing venue is Munich Airport

The Stig stores all of its shoes and cassette tapes on the motorway central reservation

Following the vote on gay marriage in Britain, The Stig got engaged to James May’s lawnmower

Its convinced that Henry IV is buried under the Follow-Through

The Stig used to be a stormtrooper, but it was kicked out when it tried to eat Darth Vader

The Stig is made of rubber porcelain

The Stig’s shadow is that of a beluga whale

The Stig can play guitar with the clutch

Its carbon fibre beard is chiselled in the most streamlined way

The Stig knighted the former Queen of England

The Stig once saved the former Queen from God

The Stig can hypnotize sheep

If bothered, The Stig could swim the entire Atlantic Ocean-underwater

The Stig once co-presented a Brazilian show about blimp disasters

The Stig once actually punched God

The Stig once killed a giraffe with just its feet

The Stig has a black belt in paper maché

Some say it is five foot tall with lead in its feet

Others say six feet with tall with air in its head

....but it doesn't care what you say

The Stig has contracted every STD known to man

The Stig has large inflatable breasts to get them out of speeding tickets

The Stig is one of the protons in the Large Hadron Collider

The Stig creates miniature black holes every time he sneezes

The Stig was the one who actually pulled Excalibur from the stone and is the rightful King of England

The Stig gave birth to Chuck Norris and the mother was Superman

The Stig has no understanding of queuing

The Stig once modelled for Page 3

Its feet are made from dog leather

The Stig invented the mankini because it was frustrated with how its speedos looked on it

The Stig is the reason why The Beatles split up

And finally: The Stig has never watched an episode of Top Gear because it prefers a different show that airs at the same time

“Right, that's the track, now we needed someone who could tame it. So we got ourselves a professional racing driver who could post consistently fast lap times. We um, we couldn't do that. Now we call this thing The Stig, okay, we don't know its name, we really don't know its name, no-one knows its name and we don't want to know because it's a racing driver and racing drivers have tiny little brains and therefore worthless opinions and they're very dull; doctors actually call it Mansell Syndrome. Um, its job is simply to go out there and drive fast.”

-God probably

[devilsrecreation]

More thoughts on TLG episodes

The Savannah Summit:

First things first, major kudos to Makuu for actually being responsible and caring about what’s best for his float

You really can’t blame Kion and everyone else to be super skeptical about Makuu. I know he changed for the better, but he’s done…a lot since he beat Pua

“but to invite him to the Savannah Summit? With all these other peaceful animals?”—I hate to break it to you, Kion, but just bc an animal is an herbivore doesn’t mean they’re peaceful and friendly. If anything, it means survivor

Crocs at the Summit worked with Pua cuz everybody loves him 😎

“Makuu has more enemies than friends!”—So does Bunga lmao

The song is great. I love how everyone seems annoyed at first but near the end, it’s all 🎶Kumbaya, my lord! 🎶. Except Makuu…dude looks like he’s lowkey regretting his life choices he did NOT ask for a bs song

I’m totally on Makuu’s side. He was genuinely trying to be civil here, especially when it comes to Bupu

At least Beshte was trying to be the mediator cuz he looks at Makuu AND Bupu, Kion was just being kinda speciesist

Shut up, Bupu, you started the whole thing

Vuruga Vuruga saying “buffalo eat whatever we want” is actually pretty accurate. They, like other animals, don’t care. I read that buffalo will occasionally eat insects if it were an option. Even Twiga could sucking on a bone if she wanted to. Seriously, look it up

If Zazu had a nickel for every time a rhino used him as a chair, he’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice (great nod to the OG movie)

Rafiki is such a mood “not the official painting” you old ass gremlin/aff

I remember Athena P criticizing Simba for blaming Kion about ruining the Summit after Makuu understandably leaves and I agree. Wtf Simba he’s 10. Go easy on him, come on 😭

The part that irks me the most is that when Mufasa asks “What has Makuu done to make you think this way?”, Kion says “Nothing, really”. BRO WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘NOTHING REALLY’?! I understand Mufasa meant what Makuu has done today but there are a LOT of things Makuu’s done in the past that Kion should have told his grandpa. In fact, here’s a whole list:

-Taking over Big Springs when he became leader, resulting in all the animals to scatter

-Challenging kids to fight

-Taking over the flood plains

-Trying to eat Basi which would have been just him being a crocodile if not for the fact that the reason is so he wouldn’t have to follow any rules (says so on the wiki)

-TAKING NALA HOSTAGE (seriously did Simba even KNOW about that? Did Nala or Kion bother to tell him?)

-Generally being a dick to animals

Makuu I know you did nothing wrong in this episode, but you can’t blame Kion for acting this way

I’m not placing any blame on Mtoto. He’s a good boy and all he did was tell the guard what he heard and that’s it

Twiga and Vuruga Vuruga coming up with the trap doesn’t surprise me. Cape buffalo are actually really vengeful irl so it makes sense how she wanted to teach Makuu a lesson. They ain’t called “Black Death” or “Widow Maker” for nothing

It’s cool how Makuu took the prank well. Respect.

Wonder how Makuu felt about animals fighting over him lmao?

Let Sleeping Crocs Lie

Once again this episode would be VERY different if my oc Piga was still alive

Kiburi has a right to be mad. I’m not excusing what he does later in the episode but I’d be pissed too if someone woke me up

Okay but Nduli sleeping next to Kiburi is adorable. Adds to my hc how close they are

Serious question: Why exactly can’t the crocs go back to sleep after they’ve been woken up? The obvious answer is bc it drives the plot forward, but is it true in actual crocodiles? I kinda wanna know the scientific reason

Good on Makuu for going the pacifism route. He’d really do anything for his float

Love how Kiburi was like “Yeah yeah, whatever you say” but the second Makuu left, he was like “ANARCHY!”

Idk if any of you caught this, but when Ushari’s like “we reptiles will rule the pridelands under your leadership, right?” Scar actually hesitated before going “sure bud”. That makes me think he was going to betray Ushari the moment he and his army get rid of Simba and the Lion Guard

Crocs really DO need a lot of water, otherwise their lives are on the line. Makuu was really more concerned than upset

“KIBURI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”—Fighting a child, what’s it look like

Side hc: I like to think something similar happened with Pua, Piga, and Kujivunia. Pua saw Piga antagonizing some poor young animal and he was all “Piga! What in the Pridelands do you think you’re doing?” and Kujivunia (who happened to be there), with her typical sarcasm was like “Performing a dance number, Pua 🙄”

There go the skinks again. Njano with his cuteness and Shupavu…doing her best Grinch face

“At least you’ll be close to all your friends!”Awww Beshte trying to be positive 🥺

Kiburi saying “we crocs deserve better!” brings me back to my hc that Kiburi had good intentions (again, until further in the episode), he just went about it the wrong way. He’s almost like an activist in a way. He’s not trying to be selfish, he just wanted a better watering hole. Now going as far as to rule the Pridelands…..yeah too far

The background crocodiles who were like 😦 when Kiburi called for the mashindano are so me. I’m the one going “Ooooooh shit!”

Still not getting over that super gay conversation between Kiburi and Ushari

STILL CAN’T GET OVER HOW KIBURI AND HIS FLOAT LAUGH AAAAA (Neema’s laugh tho)

Nduli looks so derpy I love him

I LOVE HOW SELF-AWARE TAMKA IS WHAT AN ICON

Lmao Nduli just gave up like “Fuck it you win”

Love the parallels of Makuu pinning down Kiburi like he did to Pua

Kiburi, I love you but what the hell did you expect? You literally confessed to like 500 animals about your plan and then you get surprised when Simba and Makuu banish you? What did you think was gonna happen? You got way too cocky, I swear

Saying this again, Tamka and Nduli looked worried/traumatized when they were exiled

“Now you’re calling me a reptile?”—My love, you ARE a reptile. I thought crocodiles were supposed to be smart omg

Kiburi’s actually showing emotion for the first time

OMG JANJA HEY BABY HOW ARE YOU?

Full disclosure: “I have a plan” is mediocre at best. It has nothing on Be Prepared. That being said, I love Kiburi’s “Aiight I’m in” smile

That’s pretty much it. Maybe I’ll do more in the future

[artist-issues]

Did you guys know that even all of Zootopia’s SIDE characters hit the theme right on target? All of them circumvent their species’ stereotypes, for good or for bad.  First one we’re introduced to is Gideon. He’s a fox, and he’s a bully, but Judy nails him right off the bat. He’s small-minded—actually, he’s just not very bright. He’s a bully, so immediately we know he solves problems with his physicality. But that’s the thing. Foxes are supposed to be sly and cunning and sneaky. There’s nothing sneaky or sly about Gideon.

He just shows up and mispronounces words and pushes bunnies around. In fact,  Judy is the sly one in their interaction; even while he’s pushing her down, she’s slipping the tickets out of his pocket to give back to her sheep friend.  Okay so fine, Gideon’s obvious. But what about the next side characters we meet?

Clawhauser! Everybody loves Clawhauser. This one is obvious too. He’s a cheetah—he’s not a leopard, he’s not a jaguar. He’s a cheetah. But what do we learn about him as soon as he actually has to do something for his job? 

HE’S NOT FAST. Cheetah’s are “supposed to be” fast, if they’re anything. But as many character traits as Clawhauser has (loves pop stars, loves donuts, loves his job, willing to help, all-around nice guy) the one that he SHOULD have, as both a police officer who’s job description could be “CATCH” bad guys, AND a cheetah, is speediness! But he’s not a runner. And he’s not even very quick on the uptake, either. When Judy is trying to solve a murder and has the evidence laid out right in front of him, and is LITERALLY connecting the dots out loud, he has no clue what she’s talking about. He’s not quick-thinking. 

Okay let’s do the next one. Chief Bogo! This one is, I think, obvious too, but for funsies, let’s talk about it.  Chief Bogo’s whole character design, as a water buffalo, is supposed to be big, square, tough. He’s scarred up and masculine and authoritative and brusque. He even says several times that he doesn’t care about people’s feelings. But he is not big, heavy, and unyielding like a Cape buffalo should be. They’re literally described as “dark, brooding, tough,” animals. But Chief Bogo gets behind closed doors and he’s like: 

“Ooo, an app where I can dance to mainstream pop music!” And on a more serious note, when Judy totally proves him WRONG and could be seen as having HUMILIATED HIM, he instead proudly walks her up to the Mayor’s office for a promotion. And he even consoles her and calls her a good cop when she’s at her lowest point.

Even the other fox in the movie, Finnick. His whole thing is that he looks small and cute; clever foxes like Nick take advantage of that expectation. Other animals clearly don’t realize that his species, which is totally different from Nick’s, is why he’s so little—they just assume he’s a baby red fox (to their disadvantage.) But even if they did, you see a Fennec Fox and you either go, “aw, cute,” or “foxy tricks!” Finnick has neither. The movie makes it seem like the scheming part of their lives is all Nick’s idea and Finnick is just there playing along to collect the money. He’s also not cute when the disguise comes off—he’s ferocious! A bust-heads first, ask questions later fox with no slyness. 

Let’s move on to some even-lesser-known characters—I’ll try to go faster—

MAYOR LIONHEART! He’s supposed to be an animal associated with great leadership, pride, and honor, and the word “heart” is even in his name. But he has no real heart—he exploits everybody, Bellwhether and Judy included, for his own gain. He’s so self-protective and selfish, two non-leaderly traits, that he even exploits the poor sick feral Zootopians that they recover. 

he doesn’t even seem to care about his actual mayoral duties, which is, you know, the hands-on LEADERSHIP part of being a leader that you’d think the King of the Jungle would be great at.  And what about Madge the Honey Badger? Many people don’t like that her role was made smaller after Pre-production and she became a barely-seen doctor character rather than one of Nick’s closest friends, but LOOK WHAT A GREAT JOB THEY DID. She’s a HONEY BADGER. Honey Badger don’t care. They’re just supposed to be these tough-as-nails, vicious littler buggers who not only have thick skin, but attack predators much larger than themselves—LIKE LIONS. 

But the only time we see this Honey Badger, she definitely cares. She cares enough to sort-of suggest that they get outside help for the sick animals Lionheart is hiding, but when he yells at her? Does this Honey Badger use her thick skin to stand up to him and make a stand for justice? No! She cowers and backs down. And she must have been doing it for weeks, too, because the Missing Mammals have clearly been there for a while.  What about Mr. Big? Clearly it’s all in the name; he’s implied to be a huge threat, very dangerous, but he’s little, sure. Not only that though—he’s implied to be ruthless, a killer, even Nick is scared of him. But instead, he winds up being warm and fatherly toward his own daughter and Judy. He gives wisdom, and helps justice more than once. Also, by the way, a Shrew’s brain is supposed to get even smaller in the winter to conserve energy. There are articles online called “how winter makes shrews stupid,” when I looked it up. But is Mr. Big stupid? Absolutely not. 

What are others known for? Being cute and playful. How many times do you see Mrs. Otterton OR FERAL MR. OTTERTON being cute or playful in the film? This has less to do with their personalities, but the point is, we’re seeing an animal known for it’s cheerful and fun demeanor only in sad or scary situations in this masterpiece of a movie. Not to mention the fact that Emmett Otterton, a “sweet little otter” is basically never sweet until the very end of the movie. 

Yax the Yak is supposed to be big, slow, dumb—he even has hair covering his face, as if he’s not all that observant. But who remembers every little detail about his interactions with Emmett Otterton? Even when Nangi, an elephant who is supposed to remember according to stereotypes, remembers nothing, ever?

YAX DOES. And not only does he remember, but he remembers about interesting things, like being able to tell by the sound of a car which cylinder is firing incorrectly. He’s smart.  We also have Mr. Manchas, the panther, who is shown to be less an apex predator (which is what panthers are) and more a traumatized, suspicious, mild-mannered driver. Oh, and he and all the big, stronger animals work for the tiny little shrew, remember that too. 

Sheep are also supposed to be followers, and stupid. They’re supposed to go toddling after one another, and sometimes just straight up walk over the side of cliffs to their deaths out of idiocy. But the only sheep we see in this film, BESIDES Bellwhether, are not only rebels trying to undermine Zootopia’s whole system, but smart. 

Doug, Jesse, and Woolter are all lab geniuses cooking up government-toppling terrorism serums. 

Gazelle, also, by the way, is a gazelle. They don’t stand up to anyone or anything in the wild; they run away from problems and conflict with other species. Yet here she is, not only being a graceful dancer, but spearheading peace rally’s and speaking out against conflict. 

And of course, Flash. He’s slow physically when he’s at the DMV, but it’s implied that he’s no dummy—for all we know, he was helping Nick stall. Because at the end we learn he’s sort of a criminal, too—because he loves to do what ladies and gentlemen? SPEED. 

So. What I’m saying is, there’s a REASON Zootopia’s so good—it just keeps smashing the theme out of the park with every single character that comes onscreen. They don’t stop at Nick being helpful at heart instead of selfish, or Judy being a clever detective instead of dumb. This movie’s a masterpiece right down to the most basic characters.

[paranormaltheatrekid]

Another Paper Stars drabble to feed @flurry-of-beaus fixation or something about Samuel?

this is a combination of both. I’ve had this idea in the back of my mind for a while. sorry if it’s not exactly what you wanted.

“Can I open my eyes yet?” Rose asked. It was the twin’s twenty eighth birthday and their friends had a surprise for them.

“Almost,” John answered. His hands were covering Rose’s eyes and Margaret’s hands were covering Samuel’s. Anna led the way in front of them.

They walked a few more paces before Margaret said, “You can open your eyes now.”

Their jaws dropped. Standing in front of them was a real life telescope, not unlike the one Herschel had in The Cape of Good Hope. Neither of them could believe their eyes. Rose nearly screamed.

“Is that—“ She couldn’t even finish her sentence.

“Yes,” John confirmed. Rose threw her arms around him.

“I’m so happy I could kiss you!” John felt heat rush into his cheeks. For a moment, he thought she actually would.

“How did you get this here?” Samuel wondered. It was easily the best birthday gift he’d ever received.

“We pulled a couple strings,” Anna answered with a wink.

“I’m the oldest, so I get to use it first!” Rose shoved Samuel out of the way, making a beeline for the telescope.

“No fair!” He replied jokingly. He wouldn’t dare stand between his sister and her stars. “Tell me if you see any buffalo,” he added and they all burst out laughing.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 22?

Imagine an Animorphs-esque Batman au

 Like, either Alfred as an andalite who crash-landed on the Wayne’s property and they just kind of pack bonded with him or some other andalite crash lands at some point. Either way, Bruce ends up being allowed to touch a morphing cube after the death of his parents. Perhaps is even given it to keep hidden- the one thing he has no files on just in case. 

 So he goes off on his training trip while hiding his whole shapeshifting, seeing as he doesn’t want to get stuck in animal form. (Though who knows, magic might be able to help if he ever does.) Only practices said shapeshifting or gathering animal forms when no one else is around, trying to get down the time and changing some things before others. Bruce doesn’t really use it for Batman, except for stakeouts. Honestly, who expects a vigilante to appear when there’s no one around but the birds perching on the buildings? And flying is always freeing. 

 Now he doesn’t mean to give his Robins the same ability, it’s not his power to give in his opinion even if it’s beyond useful. Also Dick and the others would have a far easier time sneaking out before they even became his official partner and kept trying to go off for revenge. But then Dick got separated from him and got hurt, then Jason nearly got killed, then Barbara nearly couldn’t escape something, and he brings them through the twisting tunnels one by one to the cube. There’s no take backs, only two hours in each form before they need to return to their base one. He doesn’t care about keeping secret identities, as long as they stay safe and alive. 

Some Animal form ideas:

 Alfred Human (If an alien) Raven Bobcat Polar Bear

 Bruce Wolf Capybara (Comfort to his kids) Tiger Hoary Bat Unicorn (He did in fact ride one before) 

 Dick Dog (Comfort thing) Squirrel Falcon Cassowary

 Barbara Queen Snake Owl Rattlesnake Komodo Dragon

 Jason Alley Cat (Easiest to nab) Red Fox Eagle Red Kangaroo Brown Bear

 Cassandra Cat Black Bear Mouse Eared Bat Python

 Tim Owl Raccoon Bobcat Crocodile

 Stephanie Pigeon Rat Porcupine Cape Buffalo

 Duke Goose Eagle Hippo Lion

 Damian Cat Leopard Brown Bat Elephant Demon-Bat

 Jarro Human Dog Robin Blue-Ringed Octopus

[kariachi]

Some fic. Same brand of shit that's been the last few, focusing on old rp stuffs with Monie. This time a daemon au.

~~

“So, are we telling people before your siblings show up,” Monette asked as she forced a brush through Chazz’s far too thick, wet hair. “Because you know they’re going to realize you’ve Settled as soon as they see you.”

“May as well tell everyone after breakfast,” he replied, rolling his eyes. In his lap, a brush going through her equally thick fur, Bala scoffed.

“They should’ve realized on their own at this point,” she said, as if they hadn’t been back for all of maybe five hours, come from school directly to their grandpair’s for break. Though she had been preening and posing more than usual. If nothing else it was enough for Cadyl to chuckle, setting Monie’s half-done evening braid aside long enough to reach around and scratch behind her ear.

“Yeah yeah, your beauty should have made it clear.” She flashed teeth nearly as long as his in response to the half-teasing tone, making a half-hearted lunge and snap at his hand at didn’t come near to landing.

“Don’t mock me, fluffnuts.” He just snorted, returning to taking advantage of having thumbs.

“You know that’d land harder if you weren’t also fluffy.” Huffing, Bala settled back with what was not a pout. Princetons didn’t pout, and if anyone claimed otherwise, they were hallucinating.

Monie and Cadyl had long decided something was wrong with this side of their family. Shit was wrong with the other one too, but that was more bigotry and less whatever was going on with their cousins over here.

“You’re gorgeous, darling,” Monie chimed in, running the brush through one last time to make sure she hadn’t missed anything. “An absolute alpine queen. Between the pair of you I’m amazed you weren’t sent home for beating suitors off with sticks.”

“It was close, if school’d run just a day longer.” Chazz smirked as he spoke, lifting his chin haughtily. The other pair laughed, he and his daemon somehow relaxing more than they had before at the sound. Weekly calls were one thing, but the four of them hadn’t seen each other in person for nearly a year.

There was something about sitting in your room, laughing with your bestfriend that couldn’t be compared to.

“We could’ve gotten a few more days of relief, at least, if those morons hadn’t decided to throw that party,” Bala said- “It wasn’t even good.”-with the sneer that meant they’d had fun and appreciated the effort.

“Well lucky we already have one planned,” Cadyl said.

“You can take pictures back in the fall,” Monette continued, “show them what a proper party looks like.” Though unable to turn to look at her, not with her already working his hair into a braid for the night, Chazz’s tone got the desire through.

“Did you just show up and tell grandad and gram you were throwing a party for no reason?”

“Mm-hm. It’s not as if it would have mattered if they said no, we already have things scheduled and paid for.” The other pair barked a laugh in unison, Bala shaking her head while Chazz rolled his eyes.

“You spoiled little- Do they deny you anything?”

“Do they deny you?”

“If we counted it up, it would probably be more often,” Bala said. Chuckling, Monie and Cadyl shook their heads. He finished up her braid, giving a light tug before walking across the bed to drape himself over Bala’s legs.

“They want to talk to you lot, by the way,” he said, stroking her fur when she and Chazz both tensed. “They’re going to wait until your siblings arrive and get settled before calling you all into the office.” Monette set Chazz’s hair aside for the moment, instead looping her arms around his chest and giving a gentle squeeze.

“They were talking with our parents. They’re pissed. Like ‘will Slade and Idida still be in the will’ pissed.” Chazz took a steadying breath, Bala’s tail swinging anxiously.

There were two pairs alive that didn’t get anxious staring down their grandpair- not helped by the sheer size of cape buffalo- and those were Monie and Cadyl and their damming pair. The entire rest of the family, even though they’d never had anything worse harsh words well deserved and firm discipline, still hated to see their ire.

Cadyl scratched at Bala’s ear, Monette’s grip tightened.

“You know we’ll be right outside the door,” he said. With a huff Bala swatted at him, gentle enough to do minimal damage. Chazz put on a small smirk.

“The way they let you get away with things, we’ll be shocked if you aren’t in the office.” A laugh, another squeeze, and Monie returned to braiding while their daemons batted at each other in familiar play. “So, what’s the plan for this party?”

“Well to start with, you have an appointment with the tailor tomorrow afternoon, we want to make sure your new clothes fit right before they do the embroidery.”

“You’re getting a cloak for Christmas, by the way.”

“There’ll be people over to set everything up on the fourteenth, party is the fifteenth-”

“Five o’clock sharp, so you’ll be coming down somewhere about five twenty-five. A nice dramatic entrance.” Bala opened her out, openly bemused. “Consider it practice for your pro career.”

“You’re wearing boots, by the way, there’s going to be about two inches of fake snow and plenty of faux rocks for Bala to climb and show off on. And shrimp is in season so you are being spoiled-”

“You always spoil us,” Chazz pointed out.

“Because you deserve it. Things will be proper and prim for the first three hours to satisfy the old folks, we’ll be getting more upbeat and dancey at eight fifteen.”

“No, you aren’t expected to dance, but you are expected to signal the switch over and kick back looking over everything like the guests exist only for your amusement.”

“It shouldn’t be hard. We’re rehearsing the big moments on the thirteenth, so everything will be ready to go.”

“Remind me,” Bala said, raising her head to meet Chazz’s eyes, “if we ever marry, they don’t get to plan shit.” More laughter filled the room. Monette’s answering grin was wide and bright as Chazz’s smirk.

“And we don’t intend to have one of our own, so we’re hedging our bets here.”

[depressedhatakekakashi]

One more idea on why Dai is so insistent on paying Kakashi back in beauty and the beast au:

After Dai is rescued and brought back to the castle, he wakes up wonders around and is amazed by all he finds, and eventually walks into the garden and finds a Rose bush (or maybe a different flower if you want) and sort of picks one thinking he'd being it back to Gai in his semi delusional/ sick/ pained state.

Then Kakashi comes out and is stressed for a multitude of reasons after seeing Dai casually pick one of his favorite flowers (like WHY IS THIS MAN OUT OF BED! You're at risk of hypothermia still! Also maybe seeing him casually picking a flower reminds him of all the "suitors" breaking his enchanted staff and thinking this man would do the same. Or maybe he's worried this is the man who will break his spell but he's SO OLD. Maybe he's mad because the rose reminds him of Tsunade and this curse she put on him to begin with!) And as such loses it on Dai and tells him to leave in the morning.

But Dai is no normal man. Sure he is freaked by the scary buffalo-wolf-man in a cape just yelled at him. And now the furniture is speaking to him, but then he learns some of the story from Rin who tended to him. Learned this young beast saved him and nursed him back to help. Someone might even mention how he's an orphan so all that tugs at Dai's heart strings and he REFUSES to leave before he makes things right for this kind beast that he accidentally wronged! He must make it up to him!

That next morning when Kakashi tries to make him leave he is already working on repairing the garden that has grown in disarray over the years, due to a lack of upkeep, and thanks Kakashi for his help! And promises that by next spring Kakashi will have the most beautiful garden FULL of Rose's to make up for the one he took! And that's a Maito Promise!!!

And Kakashi is just...super embarrassed and awkward and Dai refuses to leave! And starts to treat him like a normal person!!! (I wonder if he starts dad-ing him a little which makes Kakashi MORE awkward!) Whatever the case Dai will make it up to this kind furry by giving him back some happiness he accidentally took with that Rose!

This is all so sweet and really fits in with why Kakashi would snap and want Dai out when he JUST saved him.

I chose the forget-me-nots for Kakashi cuz they feel like a really good flower fit for him and maybe it was something his father planted after his mother’s death so it really means a lot to him and seeing Dai just pick one without permission really irks him.

But then instead of being afraid like other’s, Dai wanta to make things right. He wants to fix it, and he’s willing to do so at the risk of his own health

It’s REALLY awkward for Kakashi because he’s not sure how to feel about this random guy, but he’s also so nice and treats Kakashi like a normal person (and even, a little, a kid) instead of cowering from the ‘beast’. So Kakashi listens to his stories and genuinely finds him interesting (where as the village thinks Dai is useless and ‘crazy’)

So they’re both getting something from this. Dai has people who genuinly seem to care about him and want him to get better, but also want him around

Kakashi has the first real parental figure in his life since his father’s passing (Kushina never fit the role and she never wanted to take it from Yua, and Tsunade was always sort of in and out so she’s not a solid parental figure) and someone who’s not afraid of him

It’s a good week before Gai realizes his father is missing (the place he was going was three days ride away and his horse was also injured and brought back by Kakashi) and finally comes searching for him only to find him working away in a garden while he’s hacking up a lung

[marioandsonicfangirl793-art]

SMB AU: The Spirit Animal Kingdom Ancestors

NEW MARIO OCS OVERLOAD… 😭

And yass, they are mentioned from my description of my OC Alice the sorceress! And if you don’t know, they are the parents of King Marcos, and also the grandparents of Sheila! ⭐️

From left to right: Wolf Queen Nerissa is Marcos’s mother, and Cape Buffalo King Valentino is Marcos’s father! 👑

HEADCANONS:

Valentino is a Spirit Cape Buffalo who lives in a rogue homeland far from the Spirit Animal Kingdom. Nerissa— as a young princess— is the heir to the throne of the Spirit Animal Kingdom since her family are royal ancestors after the true ones who turn out to be mythical creatures such as a Spirit Dragon and a Spirit Winged Unicorn— who make the kingdom a better place to be and also have all animals treat equal and fair.

Princess Nerissa’s real family died from an unknown war, so she is being raised by a dragon king named King Firedrake and a unicorn queen named Queen Sparkle— the former ancestors of the kingdom, who happen to be at their elder ages. They were her adoptive parents.

Nerissa likes to cast spells and perform magic. Valentino just likes to explore around the kingdom for some experience.

Valentino and Nerissa met as kids and they were getting along. As they grew up, they had their first date after showing a thing for each other. Nerissa’s family gave her an arranged marriage with Valentino, and they were married.

Years passed, and Nerissa gave birth to a wolf prince, but Valentino was confused by its looks, but he’s perfectly blessed to have a heir like him. He and Nerissa named him Marcos.

Both Valentino and Nerissa saw that their son had met Alice— at the time they were kids— and got along with her as best friends. The two rulers started making friends with Alice’s family.

Valentino and Nerissa attempted to take Marcos to school, but it takes time for him to get used to it. They assure him that his friends will be there.

They stopped Marcos from going to school at the time he became a high schooler with Alice and their new friend Zoey, because they knew that Marcos was a heir to the throne. They continued on with training him to be king.

Valentino and Nerissa hired a ram to be the administrator until the time Marcos takes the throne. The administrator was Luna the Ram. She met Marcos on the day of he will be king.

At the time Marcos, Alice, and Zoey reached their adulthood, the day starts of Marcos’s coronation, that he will be crowned as king. Valentino and Nerissa invited his friends Alice and Zoey so that they can search for Marcos’s future queen.

Alice and Zoey were the options of being Marcos’s wife. Valentino and Nerissa were thinking on which will be the best option. However, Valentino ended with a result of Zoey being chosen as the new queen, much to Alice’s jealousy.

Alice’s emotions bottled up after not being selected as queen, causing her to take out a sharp weapon from one of the display tables and even commit an attempted attack by tossing it.

The sharp object tossed flies through the air and suddenly pierced a painful wound through Valentino. He cries out wildly in a painful animal language, so much that the wound has taken over his body. Valentino felt a seizure and a stroke at the same time because of the impact on his body that he fell to the ground, bleeding to death.

Marcos, his family, and Zoey are all shocked after seeing what Alice did to Valentino. Nerissa felt her emotions bottle up with pure sadness and anger and she was more furious at Alice.

All of the Spirit Animals overheard that Alice had killed the king, and they exposed her, saying mean things to her and calling out to get her out of the kingdom.

Nerissa blames Alice for what she’s done, and then signifies that she is banished from the Spirit Animal Kingdom forever. Alice curses out to her and the Spirit Animals that she will have revenge some day or another.

After Alice left the kingdom, Nerissa goes back inside the castle, cuddles against Valentino’s lifeless figure and cries her heart out in echo. Marcos was very sad because of what happened to his father, but Zoey was the one to comfort him as Luna comforts Nerissa.

Few days went by as everyone held a funeral for King Valentino. Nerissa was devastated, but she got all the comfort from Marcos. All the Spirit Animals paid respect to their king.

A month passed after King Valentino’s death, and Queen Nerissa had to be strong for him. She was indeed, though.

Nerissa sees how close Marcos and Zoey were after getting over Alice’s banishment, and she thought of them being together after remembering that Valentino selected Zoey to be Marcos’s queen. Nerissa was happiest after seeing Marcos propose to Zoey who accepts it.

Nerissa was in so much happy tears after seeing Marcos and Zoey get married and they became the new king and queen of the Spirit Animal Kingdom.

Time goes by as Zoey was pregnant with a heir to the throne. She was happy to be a mother; Marcos was happy to be a father; and Nerissa was happy to be a grandmother. She really hoped that Valentino would be there too and also happy to be a grandfather.

Marcos and Zoey’s daughter, Princess Sheila, was born! Nerissa started her life as a grandparent, and was really blessed to have a granddaughter.

Sadly, after 5 months, Nerissa got sick with an illness. She was in the hospital with her son, his wife, Luna, and her granddaughter who was 5 months old. Nerissa asks Luna to take care of her son, Marcos to take care of Sheila and Zoey too, and to remember how much she loves him as a mother. They were her last moments she had with Marcos and her family.

Nerissa died due to the complications of a heart stroke as an old, aged, and kindhearted ruler, now joining with the Spirit Animal ancestors led by Spirit Dragons and Spirit Winged Unicorns, and most importantly, her beloved King Valentino in heaven.

Dang, SO MANY HEADCANONS I wrote! 😳

And like I said, they are King Marcos’s parents! <3

I hope you like it! 

⚜️❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷💖💝⚜️

Art/OC’s ©️ Me. 

⚠️ Please don’t use, repost, trace, or copy my art without my permission.

[battle-of-alberta]

Can you tell me more about the wildlife in alberta? there seems to be lots of it! I heard there used to be bison? Have the bison come back or are they extinct now?

Parks Pass: What are Bison?

I've been working on this for well over a month, although I've been thinking about it since I received this ask last fall. Bison are so central and important in prairie history, ecology, spirituality, etc. and I feel that they exemplify this more than perhaps any other living thing here... I don't think I will go this in depth into other wildlife for this series.

I am not a naturalist nor do I represent Parks Canada or related organizations, all of this information has been sourced through reports from Parks Canada, organizations like CPAWS, etc. There are a lot of questions surrounding ecology, legalities, and reconciliation with Indigenous peoples that I just am not equipped to answer by myself... but I wanted to give as clear an overview as I could of the challenges and successes around bison in Alberta.

More notes, close ups, etc. below. I will try to link to some sources in the notes as a reblog.

I tried my best to make each panel stand mostly on its own so that you could read them in any order, but I hope there is a bit of a flow to the information... The pieces were slightly bigger than my scanner, so I apologize for some blurry writing and cropped edges!

(yak left, bison centre, buffalo right) (You will find all three domestic in Alberta, at least at agricultural fairs if not commercially)

[ badum tishhhhhhh]

I tried to get the moose and our guides to scale physically, but it was tricky! Also: the summer ochre cape tends to appear on male plains bison.

There is debate as to whether wood and plains bison should be classified as separate species at all. The fact is, there remains a legal distinction in Alberta that will become relevant in a few panels.

This safety tip is if you're on foot- in a car, obviously stay in your vehicle! Don't attempt to drive through bison either, just let them pass!

The "Ecology" title got cut here, my apologies.

Some other ways bison improve the ecosystem is by literally rolling around and trampling on the landscape, the churning of the land and the fertilization from buffalo dung helps plants and insects thrive, which in turn benefits all creatures along the food chain. Cows do not nearly replace the magnitude to which bison benefit the prairie.

Often in school, the sole fact one might learn about the First Nations of the plains involves a diagram of all the uses of each part of a bison. These descriptions have almost always been in the past tense, in order to place Indigenous peoples and their ways of life purely in the past. This is not a reflection of reality- many Indigenous folks in Alberta are still maintaining their traditions and their relationships with bison today. The tee pee here is based off of a Blackfoot design featured at the Royal Alberta Museum. Also pictured is a drying rack of meat, and a bison stomach suspended as a cooking pot. Pemmican is often described these days as a "superfood" or the ultimate protein bar; it is a mixture of dried meat and berries that both preserves well and is extremely nourishing.

It is difficult to summarize the impacts of colonization in a short space, especially where bison are concerned. The creation of Treaty 7 in Alberta, particularly, was a result of an intentional and devastating eradication of the bison by settlers. This forced First Nations such as the Blackfoot Confederacy into impossible positions: follow the buffalo into the United States and risk attack from the Americans or the Sioux as the herds became smaller and smaller, or to agree to the Canadian government's terms to stay on a fraction of their traditional territories in order to keep from starving to death.

At the same time, anthropologists, collectors, and tourists tried to buy or take anything they could get their hands on from what they perceived as the end of an era: salvage anthropology of First Nations in the West painted an image of "pure" native culture that was about to be lost forever, while First Nations peoples were being forcibly assimilated, excluded, or eradicated by settlers.

There is still a lack of understanding in mainstream settler Canadian culture of the human labour that went into the creation of the "natural" "wilderness" of this land. This is something that the settlement, the industrialization, and the creation of national parks in Alberta and elsewhere ignores or erases, but there is a growing awareness and acknowledgement of the relationship between First Peoples and the land.

The prairie ecosystem remains extremely endangered and little understood, especially as environmental activism tends to focus on deforestation or pollution of the ocean rather than the destruction of native grasses and shrubs.

Cameo ft. Mac representing Wood Buffalo National Park, which spans the border of the Northwest Territories and Alberta. Obviously, the main cause of environmental destruction surrounding the park involves human industrial activity: logging, mining, and development of the oil patch. Disease can be easily transmitted between bison and cattle and can easily wipe out already struggling populations.

I was shocked to discover that all bison were considered livestock as recently as two years ago and could thus be harvested by anyone, anytime, and anywhere outside a protected area. Plains bison still do not have status as "wildlife".

The province did recently expand the "buffer zone" outside of Banff National Park, giving the Park a chance to recover bison that have wandered outside of the barriers before they become 'fair game', as it were.

Also worth noting: B.C. and Saskatchewan both protect bison under their provincial wildlife acts, but plains bison leaving those provinces and entering Alberta or Manitoba would be considered livestock as they are unprotected.

Elk Island stocks bison across the continent and around the world, which is incredible! Not all of those original 700 were sent to Elk Island, unfortunately those sent to what was once Buffalo National Park did not make it.

Likewise, a project to reintroduce bison to Jasper didn't bear fruit. An article via Jasper Local I had found earlier (that no longer seems to work) describes the discovery of a bison skull at Talbot Lake that most likely represents a bison from this recent reintroduction attempt.

The Banff bison reintroduction pilot (2017-2022) is the most recent attempt to reintroduce bison to areas of Alberta, and so far from the initial Spring 2023 report one of the more successful projects. Public sentiment both locally and internationally is very positive, with a lot of attention on social media, articles, and other outreach methods. The project is also partnering closely with all the First Nations in Treaty 7, as well as other community stakeholders such as visitors to the park, local residents, nearby ranchers, etc.

Phew, I just threw a ton of info at you! I hope this answers the question :)

[dollarbin]

Shakey Sundays #37:

Trans, Part 2

Every artist worthy of your Dollar Bin buck has at least one wacky identity crisis record.

Joni declared God a boogie man and life one big Pork Pie Hat; a few years later she went full synth on Dog Eat Dog; Cat Stevens decided songs should be 18 minutes long and then dedicated a record to the Pythagorean Theorem; Sandy Denny tried out war-era white jazz under a thatched roof; Lou Reed strove to make an album that was entirely unlistenable; and Paul Simon dedicated years and millions of dollars to a musical about a caped Puerto Rican vampire kid...

And, of course, you've got your pick of midlife crisis Dylan records: most of his records fit that description. Prior to dedicating the equivalent of 5 albums in a row to Sinatra, he did everything from a cowboy soundtrack to 80's reggae, not to mention the still largely incomprehensible Self Portrait.

But for me, Neil Young's Trans remains, hands down, the very best identity crisis record in the dollar bin. I see I got my copy for 92 cents. And, now that I've dedicated an entire 65,000 word post to both exorcising and exercising my own personal demons associated with Trans, it's time that we settled in and talked about its actual songs.

First of all, Trans would be far better as an Eldorado length EP. Three of the album's songs have no place on the record thematically or musically; rather, Little Thing Called Love, the interminable Like An Inca and Hold On To Your Love belong on a Shakey / Joe Freakin' Lala duo record with the working title of Johnny's Island of Steaming Hot Dog Waste, or something akin to that: it's a perfectly dull set of songs which Young's new boss at that time, David Geffen, labeled as lousy.

(I'm going out on a limb with that conclusion because I have yet to hear all of the newly released tracks from those sessions that appear on Archives 3; my famous brother is probably choking on his microbrewed sourbeer in rage and swearing by Neil's yacht rock phase as we speak.)

Disappointingly, as near as I can tell Archives 3 doesn't offer any new truly Trans songs; Young apparently just recorded five core songs with his wall of machines.

(I don't consider the Mr Soul on this record a core song; Young says he jokingly recorded it as a Buffalo Springfield reunion audition tape. No wonder they never got back together.)

But forget about Mr Soul: I'm here to argue that every single one of Trans' original five songs is a winner.

Let's consider them in order.

Computer Age is a top twenty Neil Young track. If the whole record were this good we'd all talk about Trans in hushed tones and toss around descriptive words like masterpiece and mothercuddler. But Computer Age is the album's high water mark.

First of all, the song freakin' rocks: I totally dig its groove and hooks. Computer Age makes me want to cook up a six course meal made entirely out of recycled semi-conductors, all while dancing. Computer Age! Computer Age!

To my ears, Computer Age is the only piece of music on this record, or, frankly, on any of Neil's records between Re-Ac-Tor and This Notes for You, which sounds 100% finished and successful. Neil has plenty of visions; occasionally he fully nails one of them. The vocoder vocals all make sense to me here. The pacing is both stately and frantic. The bridge swoons.

We R In Control is nearly as good and twice as nuts.

The day I lose my mind entirely and start blogging here about how there was no moon landing and how Hilary Clinton is a Taiwanese super spy android, please know that I have adopted We R In Control as my personal theme song. And while you are at it, please get me some help.

There are more competing hooks in this song than in The Cure's Fascination Street - and I've counted, there are at least seven hooks in that song. Plus every one of Neil's hooks is bonkers. Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! He attempts everything in the song: he swings; he stomps; he performs a solo on an 80s-era telephone's digital keypad.

Song three, Transformer Man, should be the other fully successful track on the record. After all, it's a truly beautiful song, a fact Neil admitted 10 years later on MTV Unplugged.

I love how there's one single nerd-club-level Shakey guy in the audience who recognizes this song as it opens - you can hear him let out a shocked Yeah! while everyone else fingers their MTV-issued bowls of mixed nuts and wine coolers and wonders what's up.

The summer that this live version of Transformer Man came out I was at journalism camp (yeah, Journalism Camp). Midweek I derailed an entire class taught by the LA Reader's music critic by complimenting his citing of this song as the only redeemable moment on the live record. He looked at me dumbfounded: a 17 year old existed who enjoyed Trans. The rest of the class sighed and waited for a resumption of normalcy. It took a while.

But the song's original take makes a critical mistake: Neil occasionally shuts off the vocal altering vocoder. Every time we hear snatches of his almost normal singing voice we get distracted.

See what I mean? When Neil's computerized pinprick of a voice quivers this song is shimmies. But when we know it's him singing we're disappointed and want to hear On The Beach.

Happily, there is not a single note on Computer Cowboy that sounds like standard Shakey.

Neil has spilled a lot of ink outlining his thematic intentions with this record; I think a lot of what he was trying to say is actually really valuable, and I'll get into all of that in my eventual post for Trans, Part 3.

But, try as he might to tell his interviewers that Computer Cowboy is a deep think piece centering around a cattle rancher by day who's a hacker by night and the implications of that guy's whole deal on life as we know it, this song has no possible justification, and that's makes it wonderful. Back in 1993, long after the Dylan show I chronicled in Part 1, all 5 or 6 adolescent boys in my bedroom and I definitely fell down laughing hysterically when Neil got to his "yippee-yi-yippee-yi-ay" fade out. He may continue to take this whole project seriously, but Trans is also just ridiculously funny.

Sample and Hold stands alongside Computer Age as the record's other attempt at something vital. There's just a lot of ambition to be heard in the track. Neil thought a lot about, well, something or other while working on this song.

Young issued an extended dance remix of the song in 1982 but left that version off Archives 3. A critical mistake!

I can't think of anything insightful to say about Sample and Hold other than please, go listen to it.

We know you'll be happy.

[blubushie]

Do buffalo in Australia ever hunt you back if you don't manage to get them in one shot like our cape buffalo do?

I haven't heard of it but that's because we usually shoot from a safe distance and if not, from an open-roof vehicle. Cuz you either want enough distance to take a second shot if necessary or you wanna be able to hightail it outta there to do so

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume the distance is because they will fuck your shit lol

Blu, who is suicidal and has shot a buffalo form 450m, is an outlier and should not be counted

[pocket-lad]

Slight Jurassic park 1 idea:

While Ian has his injured leg in the control room, he starts asking Robert Muldoon about his comment to Adelaide about her being a “tiny.” (Obviously before Muldoon dies.)

Maybe Ian is asking to take his mind off his worries about Adelaide, or he’s trying to figure out what Muldoon knows incase he’s a threat to her (and other borrower’s) safety? Maybe he knows where other borrowers are?

I’m mostly suggesting this because I’m really curious as to who/what interactions Robert Muldoon has had with “tinies” in the past.

I wanted to do so much more with Muldoon when I was originally writing the first story, but I couldn't really fit him in anywhere, so thanks for the prompt!

~

Ian had been in and out of consciousness for an indeterminate amount of time now. ‘Awake’ and ‘asleep’ were becoming harder to differentiate, and he longed for his next shot of morphine. He could feel the steady pounding of blood in his leg.

Robert Muldoon spoke somewhere off in the distance, which was what pulled Ian out of a bout of deep sleep. The words were garbled and unclear.

A thought came to Ian, so before he either forgot or fell asleep again, he interrupted the man’s probably important conversation. Besides, each time Ian fell asleep, he feared he might not wake back up. This should keep him occupied for a moment. His head lifted a little.

“You called her a ‘tiny’. Why?” He exhaled a faint laugh at the ridiculousness of the name. Adelaide almost definitely hated it.

“What was that?” Muldoon asked, unsure if he heard Ian correctly. Ian’s voice was quiet and weak, and Muldoon had expressed his opinion that the man might not pull through without proper medical care. There were just too many bigger fish to fry presently.

“You’ve seen her before.” That wasn’t exactly what Ian meant, but the pain and the drugs seemed to prevent him from forming complex sentences. 

So, Muldoon did hear him correctly. He approached the spot where Malcolm laid on the floor and sat in a chair. “Yeah, I’ve seen her kind around.”

“Where?”

“Here and there. A bit of everywhere.”

Ian’s main concern was whether he needed to be worried. Past that, he was deeply curious about the existence of such small people across the world. Adelaide either didn’t know or didn’t want to share, and he respected that. But if someone else was willing to indulge him…

“Tell me,” Ian prompted.

Muldoon was also quite curious about borrowers. He knew enough - it was hard not to when he’d been all over the world - but he’d never seen one traveling with a regular person before. He’d never seen one trust a regular person before. At least, not to this extent.

“Why don’t you tell me?”

Ian sighed and laid back down. “No.”

Muldoon chuckled. Malcolm seemed very protective of the girl, so he guessed he wouldn’t get much out of him. He supposed sharing his story wouldn’t hurt, though. Plus, it would distract him from the whole lot of nothing he could do right now.

***

Muldoon knew the area well. Growing up in a remote part of Kenya, these animals were just another part of his everyday life. This also meant he was very good at hunting. So good, in fact, that other hunters hired him to track the animals for them. It wasn’t his favorite thing to do, but it was a living.

The air sat at a pleasant 75 degrees, but he watched the sweat drip down the men’s backs as they hunted down a cape buffalo. For no particular reason, Muldoon found himself disinterested and detached today. Until he heard a scream.

He shot to attention. The noise was faint, but definitely there, and very human. It obviously wasn’t one of the men who accompanied him.

Turning in the direction he thought the sound came from, his eyes landed on some grass. Muldoon slowly stalked toward it, his senses zeroed in. He crouched down and gently pushed the tall grass out of the way. In a small clearing no bigger than his hand laid a dead shrew and a small person. A very small person.

It seemed to be a young male, and he was well under three inches tall. He was sprawled out, panting hard, eyes trained on the shrew…The boy had killed the shrew! His clothes were tattered and he looked to be bleeding.

“Bloody hell…” Muldoon muttered.

His voice drew the boy’s attention. With wide eyes, he shot to his feet and abandoned his kill, sprinting for cover.

Muldoon didn’t bother chasing after him, too stunned to even think about it. That creature was human, there was no doubt about that. The way it moved, the way it looked at him. He could see him thinking, analyzing.

A deep bellow that signified the death of a cape buffalo pulled him out of his thoughts. He took one last look at the clearing and the dead shrew, shook his head, then returned to his group.

***

“You call them tinies,” Ian said.

“Yes.”

“Did you make that up?”

“No.”

“Interesting.”

“They’re tiny.”

“Yes, I’m, uh...aware.”

There was a long silence.

“Not very creative though, is it?” Ian mused. “Not very scientific. Degrading...perhaps.”

“I’ll let someone know. Make sure to get them properly named.”

Ian exhaled a laugh.

***

The next day, Muldoon found himself back at the same clearing, this time alone and much more prepared. It was unlikely such a small person even left tracks in the dirt, but if he did, they were long gone by now. So, Muldoon started in the direction the boy went.

He spent the better part of the day walking in circles. He kept his eyes trained mostly on the ground but occasionally glanced up at the trees. There was no reason this creature couldn’t climb. Hell, if it survived out here, it could probably do a number of impressive things.

His steps were slow and light, but he imagined at that size, the boy would hear him coming a mile away. He also imagined that there were more of them, and they probably worked together to survive, especially if they were capable of critical thought.

Muldoon was deep in the middle of nowhere when he heard a voice, so quiet he could chalk it up to imagination, but he knew better. He crouched down, hiding in the grass, watching the plains before him.

After fifteen minutes of holding the uncomfortable position, Muldoon almost fell over when he saw a small person tentatively peek out of an ordinary snake hole in the ground. They looked around cautiously for predators, holding some kind of weapon high in their hand, then ushered a couple more people out of the hole.

Muldoon couldn’t believe his eyes. There must have been a whole colony of them underground. But there wasn’t much he could do. Any movement would likely scare them off. And so he watched.

In fact, he watched them take down a silvery mole-rat. The thing put up quite a fight, and its giant buck teeth looked intimidating next to the small people, but working together, it was a laughably easy kill from what he could tell. 

Fascinated, Muldoon rocked back on his heels. The crunch of the foliage underneath his feet echoed across the plain and the world went deadly silent.

As expected, all their little eyes shot up in his direction, locking onto his own eyes. (At least, he assumed they did. He could see their heads turn, but their actual eyes were too small and too far off.) And just like the day before, they abandoned their kill and made a break for the hole in the ground.

Muldoon cursed and stood up, stretching his sore limbs and walking over to where they disappeared, bypassing the mole-rat. There was no sense in being quiet now. They knew he was there.

Unable to keep his curiosity at bay, he laid himself flat on his stomach and peered into the hole. Immediately, a sharp pain radiated underneath his eye. He felt around and yanked out a small sliver of wood. It was a spear! A tiny, shoddy, makeshift spear, but a spear nonetheless. And if it hit any closer, it potentially could’ve ruined his left eye for good. Muldoon couldn’t help but laugh in amazement.

He set the spear on the ground close by and whipped out a small flashlight attached to his belt. He clicked it on, illuminating the narrow tunnel. Just at the edge of the light stood a whole group of people, varying in age but huddled around each other and each brandishing their own weapon. They flinched back from the bright light and shielded their eyes.

“Bloody hell…”

At the sound of his voice, another spear was sent flying his way and it stuck him in the hand. They did not want him here, that much was clear.

Muldoon took the hint. He distractedly removed the second spear and set it by the first, then got to his feet and dusted himself off.

The decaying silvery mole-rat sat there, already coated in flies. At the last second, he picked it up and placed it near the entrance, too. He suspected these tiny beings wouldn’t emerge from their home so soon after he left - it must have looked like he would use the mole-rat as bait and stick around to spy on them. But Muldoon didn’t do that. Instead, he left, lost in thought but still well-aware of his surroundings.

What was he to do with all this information?

Nothing, he decided. Absolutely nothing. Maybe he’d visit again someday. Or not.

***

Time passed, and Muldoon saw dozens of tinies over the years. From the plains to the city, indoors and outdoors, across countries, they seemed to be pretty much everywhere. Like roaches, almost. Except they took very little, left behind no waste, and took care of pests. You just had to know where to look and what to look for. Muldoon knew where to look and what to look for.

***

Ian listened as patiently as he could. He wasn’t sure he believed Muldoon, but there wasn’t any particular reason to doubt him outside his own cynicism.

The confirmation that borrowers existed across the world and that some even lived outside though - that was fascinating. He’d have to tell Adelaide when she came back. If she came back. Hm.

“My question is, how’d you get one of them to trust you?” Muldoon asked. When he received no reply, he glanced at Malcolm, who had long since passed out. His skin was sweaty and pale and he looked worse by the minute. If Muldoon believed in hope, he’d hope for the man to pull through. If not for himself, then at least for that poor girl.

And then maybe, just maybe he’d sit down and talk to her. Or not. He’d keep on living just the same.