#and that's why I don't think that person is as bad as people are making them out to be

[beomcoups]

Stupid Cupid

➻❥ 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You are madly in love with your best friend and it's eating you alive. One day you will tell him how you feel, but you have to deal with his girlfriend first.

➻❥ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: best friend!hansol x reader

➻❥ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 18+, roommates au, best friends to ?, angst, fluff, smut

➻❥ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cursing, jealousy, fight is kind of intense, kissing, protected sex, nipple play?, fingering, oral (f. receiving), masturbation, missionary, multiple orgasms?

➻❥ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 9.1k

➻❥ 𝐀𝐍: This for the collab "Lonely Hearts Cafe", hosted by @camandemstudios. This story truly stressed me out and I couldn't have gotten through it without @yoongihan, @seokgyuu, @okiedokrie and & @haologram for looking at this for me. I don't do well with deadlines and the words just weren't coming to me naturally. It was eating me up and giving me headaches lol. I hope despite that, you all like this labor of love 😭

You are in love with Hansol. 

Hopelessly, stupidly, trip over your feet when he’s around, butterflies in your stomach kind of love. He’s everything you could want in a guy and your best friend, someone you can just chill with no expectations. You both love Star Wars, attend anime cons together, and are allergic to peanuts. You share a home with him and it feels like home in your heart when he’s near. You’re in love with Hansol. There is only one problem: he has an on-and-off girlfriend. 

A girlfriend you particularly hate. 

Kelsey is always around, taking up your space, and it’s aggravating. You wish you could say that it’s not serious, but to your chagrin, they have been on and off for a couple of years. It’s bad enough that you can’t tell Hansol how you feel, but then you have his girlfriend, a huge social media influencer, always at your condo every time you’re there. You would think she would like to take her “influence " elsewhere. It’s exacerbating. 

“Hey there girl,” Kelsey calls out as you walk to the kitchen. She is sprawled out with her laptop on your living room floor rug, wearing a cut-off shirt, the tiniest shorts you have ever seen, and knee-high socks. Where does she live again?

“What’s up?” you respond, barely hiding the irritation in your voice. 

“Oof, you’re definitely not a morning person,” she scoffs. “Do you think you can stay out tonight? Vernon has this Hollywood thing he has to attend to tonight, and he is stressed about it. So I want to help him relax if you know what I mean.” 

You raise your eyebrows at her referring to him as Vernon, which he only tells his coworkers to call him. Hansol is a cinematographer, and a damned good one. He works for a major film studio and is invited to parties all the time. He only goes for the free food and booze, he says, because those people don’t care about anything but themselves and their pockets, let alone pronouncing his first name correctly.

Kelsey is not a coworker; she is, unfortunately, his girlfriend. Why doesn’t she call him by his preferred name?

“What does you wanting to help Hansol relax have to do with me being here?” you ask, making yourself a cup of coffee. 

“Well.” She clicks her tongue. “It’ll be pretty awkward for me to be blowing his brains out while you’re here, ya know?”

You bite your lip to keep yourself from saying what is on your mind, instead focusing on making your elaborate coffee with whipped cream and caramel syrup on top. This girl really has some nerve. 

“Kelsey,” you let out a small sigh. “I’m not leaving my house because you want to fuck. Do whatever you please.” You slam the whipped cream can on the container. “It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.” 

Irritated, you walk past her and speed into the hallway, almost running into Hansol, who is leaving his bedroom. Wearing a red shirt and pajama pants, he has bedroom hair and a hint of sleep in his eyes. He looks adorable. 

“Where are you running off to?” His voice is deep and groggy. 

“I am running away from that peach of a girlfriend you have in there.” You roll your eyes. “Plus, I have to get ready for work.” 

“Oh no, what did she do now?” 

“Nothing, aside from asking me to stay out of the condo that I pay for tonight so she can fuck you as loud as she wants,” you say bluntly. 

Hansol’s eyes widen in shock, the little sleepiness he had evaporated. “She didn’t say that?” 

“She just about said that,” you sigh, leaning on the wall. “Look, I have to get ready for my day, but we have to have a conversation later. Not tonight, because I know that party is happening. But at some point, we do.” 

“Okay,” he says, looking at the floor. “I’m sorry.” 

“No need to be sorry,” you sigh again, deeply this time. “Let’s just chat soon, okay?”

You step into your room and shut the door, your heart beating out of your chest. That was not a conversation you want to have early in the morning, and Kelsey being around more and more makes you erratic. Eventually, a conversation will have to be had about how much time she is spending here and everything. But right now, you will sip your elaborate coffee and try to get through the day. 

You met Hansol on the first day of college. You needed help finding your classes and ironically you shared some classes required for your majors. You wanted to be a film director and figured a film studies degree would get you there. Hansol loved being behind the camera, recording the magic in front of him. You shared the same study group and met your other best friends, Minghao and Wonwoo. Minghao has a good eye for design and wanted to work on set designs and costumes while Wonwoo is equally obsessed with cameras, often geeking out with Hansol about the different models they wanted to collect one day. You even lived together at one point, your friendship group known as the “core four”, until one by one, everyone moved out and it was just you and him. 

You didn’t fall in love with him right away. It was a slow, simmering thing that snuck in and robbed your heart and mind before you realized it. You were together all the time and enjoyed the same things. You’ve seen each other at your worst, depended on each other, and celebrated your successes together. Hansol was your go-to for everything, and you didn’t realize until he started dating Kelsey that you were in love. But how can you tell him that?

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

Minghao sits next to you during your lunch break the same day, bringing you meat and stir fry that he brought from home. His girlfriend, Mei, who is an excellent cook and very sweet, sent you a text this morning that she was bringing some with him to the studio today. You worked for a major studio as an SFX artist, falling in love with prosthetics and makeup in one of your courses and deciding to pursue that instead. You still have your bachelors in film studies and your love for film hasn’t changed; you just went on a different path. You’re happier for it. 

“Thank you for the food,” you breathe, purposely dodging his question. 

“You’re welcome,” he replied, handing you Tupperware of colorful stir fry. “What’s wrong?”

“What makes you think anything is wrong with me?” 

Minghao raises an eyebrow with a familial side-eye as he distributes utensils, the kind of look parents give you when they know you’re telling a lie. He knows you so well, and he has always been good at reading people. You can talk to him about anything, and he is going to give you the hard truth, even if you don’t want to hear it. After a moment, you tell him what happened this morning and he is silent, taking it all in.

“She is really getting on my nerves,” you huff, accidentally slamming your plastic fork on the table. Your colleagues around you look in your direction nervously, and you are mortified, wishing you could wiggle your nose and disappear like the genie on the old TV show. 

“Are you sure it’s because of her, or is it because of him?” Minghao asks casually, taking a sip of his tea. 

“W-what do you mean?” you play aloof, not wanting to open another can of worms. “This has nothing to do with Hansol, though I wish he would tell her to not come over to our place all the time. I don’t get what he even sees in her.” 

“Sure,” he says with a smirk, barely containing his amusement. “I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you are in love with him.”

“Ugh,” you groan, sliding further in your seat. “I wish I never told you that.” 

“You didn’t have to.” His smile widening into a teasing grin. “Even the blind could see your bleeding heart for him.”

“Yeah, apparently everyone can but him,” you mutter, taking a stab at your food. 

Minghao chuckles softly, shaking his head. “Well don’t take your frustration out on the food. Mei put a lot of love into that.” 

You mumble “sorry”, feeling guilty and eating your food in silence. If it were another day and you were in a better mood, you would savor it more. But all you want is for the work day to end, so you can curl in your bed and figure out how to navigate this unrequited love. 

“What if I told him how I felt?” 

You look up slowly at your friend, gauging his reaction. He already has the look of disapproval, and your stomach is in knots. 

“Yeah, that’s a terrible idea,” he says firmly. “Do you really want to start drama in the middle of the busiest season for us? Not to mention Kelsey will blast this all over social media.”

“I’m not scared of her,” you shoot back defiantly, crossing your arms. 

Minghao chuckles again, but it is lighter and paired with concern in his eyes. “Just think it through okay? Things are already complicated, and I don’t want to see you hurt.” 

He places a supportive hand on your shoulder as he packs up what’s left of his lunch and goes back to work. You sigh, knowing that he’s right, but it still doesn’t make it easier to hear. 

You planned to sleep through whatever escapade Kelsey had in mind with Hansol. You had your nightly tea with cinnamon horchata and set your phone to play ambient/vaporwave music to drown out whatever noise they might bring. They aren’t exactly the quietest people when they are in the mood, and you have been dreading it since this morning. 

A lot of times you have wondered what it would be like to experience him for the first time. You’ve heard enough of them to have an idea of what he is like, but it’s different from actually feeling him inside you, with his hands caressing your body. You want to feel his lips on yours and your skin against his. Is it possible to crave something that you’ve never had? You are tired of hearing the headboard banging against the wall and the moans that follow soon after. You are irritated with it all— You wish it were you instead. 

You heard the security system beep when the front door opened, and you lay in bed, waiting for the inevitable shuffling of feet and sloppy kisses that would follow after. Your stomach turns at the thought of her hands all over him, whispering sweet things in his ear that have no meaning. Silence ensues, leaving you confused, and your nosiness gets the best of you. Slowly getting out of bed, you slip into your house shoes, exiting your room quietly as you brace yourself for the grand display of affection you were used to seeing. Instead, you find Hansol on the couch, taking a hit of his vape, tiredness etching around his eyes. 

“How was the party?” You probe, taking a seat next to him and crossing your legs. “You look partied out.” 

“It was alright,” he mumbles, taking another hit of his vape. 

“Alright?” You quirk an eyebrow. “You have been talking about this party all month and it was just alright?”

You noticed his disposition and you don’t want to pry, but his nonchalant attitude is eating at you. Hansol can be hard to read sometimes, but you know him. He’s quiet with everyone else but not with you—he tells you everything. 

“Tell me what’s happened.” 

Hansol reluctantly answers, sighing heavily as he takes one more vape hit before setting it on the armrest. You move closer to him, giving him a reassuring smile. 

“Kelsey and I broke up again,” he said, the heaviness of his words linger in the air. The sadness in his voice is clear, and it hurts you to see him upset. “She wanted to bring a friend to the party and you can’t exactly do that. So when I told her no, she got all pissed at me, we argued and she broke up with me.” 

You bite your lip, trying to find the right words. “I’m really sorry, Hansol. Despite how I feel about her, I know you really love her, and being broken up with sucks.” 

He looks at you, his brown eyes reflecting a mix of tiredness and frustration. “She said it was more than just not letting her bring her friend to the party. She says I never consider her feelings and that’s not true. It just feels like we’re always going in circles. One minute, we’re good; the next, it’s like… it never even mattered.”

“Yeah, that can be exhausting,” you pause, wanting to say more but unsure how to articulate the feelings that bubble beneath the surface. This is not their first break up, but it affects him all the same. Seeing Hansol be madly in love with someone who keeps taking advantage of him burns you to your core. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves someone who will take care of him with love and respect. Someone who values his ideas and cares about him as a person. You would give him the world if you could. 

“I hope I am not overstepping,” you say cautiously. “But this isn’t your first rodeo. Why do you keep going back?” 

His silence is deafening, and he has an uncomfortable expression on his face as he tries to find the right words to say. “Look, Kelsey can be a lot and full of herself, but she cares in her own way. When it’s just us, she is so attentive, funny, and warm—sort of. She has her moments,” he sighs again. “She makes me feel good in a way no one else has. I love her.”

Hearing him declare his love for her leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth. It’s bad enough that you didn’t realize you were in love with him until after he started seeing her, and now after hearing this, you can never tell him how you feel. It’ll fuck up everything, despite it gnawing at you inside. 

“For what it’s worth, I hope that you two will be able to talk it out and figure out what you want to do.” You tell a strong lie, but you don’t want to hear more about his love for her. You can’t take it. “Do you want to chill for a bit? We can watch Revenge Of The Sith if you want.” 

He cracks a small smile, and for a moment, the weight in his eyes lightens. “Yeah, let’s just chill for a bit. That sounds cool.”

“Cool,” you reply, scrambling from the couch. “I’ll make some popcorn.” 

Tears threaten to break free as you beeline it to the kitchen, your heartache paining worse than before. “She makes me feel good in a way no one else has… I love her.” You keep replaying it in your head over and over. You almost wish you never left your room, and went to sleep like you planned. At least you would still have a bit of hope, instead of a cracked heart. 

A few weeks pass, and as the season change, so does the light in Hansol’s eyes. He is getting back to his normal self and is laughing again. As happy as you are for him, it feels like your heart is being pierced by shards of glass. It was foolish of you to think you could ever be with him, and Minghao was right: it will just complicate everything.  

You know he isn’t completely over Kelsey, and it’s going to take more than a few weeks to get over someone you love deeply. You used to have daydreams of cuddling with Hansol on the couch, watching horror movies, and being madly in love… you have to put it to bed, for good. You start distancing yourself, little by little. Whether it’s staying late at work or finding different excuses to be out of the house, it doesn’t matter. You’re still there for him as a friend, but you want to be free from this unrequited love. It was fucking with you. 

So here you are, at a bar, sitting with your date Seungcheol, who you met on a dating app. You just wanted a quick fix for your heartache, and they say the best way to get over someone is to get under another, right? He’s the one to fulfill that. 

Within an hour of talking to him, you learned he was the typical tech bro who went to an Ivy League school, liked to mansplain everything, and thought he was God’s gift to women. Whatever. It’s not like you planned on seeing him again after tonight. 

“You look real nice in that outfit,” he says, practically drooling over your little black dress and heels. 

“Do I?” You flirtatiously quirk an eyebrow. 

“Yeah.” Seungcheol nods, taking a sip of his gin. “I can’t wait to see what you look like underneath.”

It takes every fiber in your being to roll your eyes and walk out of there. Guys like Seungcheol annoy you, and you deal with them in small doses and go about your business. But he is a means to an end, and you will bat your eyes and tell him what he wants to hear to get what you want. You will deal with the consequences in the morning. 

You gaze at the clock displayed on the wall and it’s a quarter till eleven. Tired of hearing him talk, you lean in and whisper in his ear, your lips barely touching him. “Do you want to get out of here then? You said your place isn’t that far, right?”

His eyes are lit with desire, and you excuse yourself to the bathroom while he settles the bill. Stepping into the dimly lit bathroom, you take a good look in the mirror, adjust your dress, and apply the last bit of cherry red lipstick. The soft glow of the overhead light illuminates the traces of perfectly good makeup that you only bring out for special occasions. 

“Is this really what you want?”

Your words echo against the walls, your question answered by silence. With a deep breath, you straighten your posture, taking one last look before exiting the bathroom. Of course, this is what you want— you wouldn’t have gone this far if you didn’t. Seungcheol waits for you at the bar, biting his plump bottom lip as he scrolls through his phone. Seungcheol is as hot as they come, and it certainly makes this decision a bit easier. 

“Are you ready to go?”

He looks up as you close in on him, linking your arm through his. “Of course, I’m going to pull the car around front.”

You watch him walk away, twiddling your fingers as you wait in suspense. The bar smells of wood and stale beer, the heat pushed on blast to counter the cold outside. You slip on your coat, walking towards the front door when you hear laughter, a familiar one that brings butterflies to your stomach. Turning to your left, you see Hansol, walking into the same bar you’re leaving, with Wonwoo and a girl you don’t know. He was always a simple guy, wearing jeans and his favorite “Revenge Of The Nerds” hoodie with a goofy grin on his face. It’s your favorite thing to see.

All the feelings you keep trying to push aside rise in you at once, and when your eyes lock with this, you feel warm. Getting over him will not be easy. 

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Hansol says curiously. 

“She probably has a hot date,” Wonwoo teases and nudges your shoulder. 

“Well actually… I do.” 

Wonwoo’s mouth spreads into a wide grin, happy to be right. His girl companion tugs onto his coat, mumbling that she is freezing. She’s a short thing with jet-black hair and wears a nice shirt and a skirt that shows off her legs. Wonwoo isn’t the serial dater type, so it is a high possibility he’s on the same mission you were: fuck and move on. 

“Really?” Hansol’s voice peaks an octave higher than normal. “Who’s the guy?”

“O-oh, um, you don’t know him,” you stumble through your words. “He’s just someone I met. We are heading to his place actually.” 

“W-what?” Hansol looks surprised, his expression etched with concern. “Are you sure it's a good idea?”

“I’ll be fine,” you say, looking down at your heels. “I’ll send you my location when I’m there, okay?”

In the nick of time, Seungcheol pulls up in his Mercedes, opening the car door from his seat to let you in. 

“There he is,” you announce, walking towards the luxury car. “I’ll text you later, yeah?”

Hansol stares intently at Seungcheol before looking at you, his eyes softening as you get into the passenger seat. You wave as he pulls off, the bar becoming out of view as you drive through downtown. Your nerves are shot, and you feel rattled. Of all the places to be, you had to see him at the bar? The universe has a sense of humor. 

“Who were those people back there?” Suengcheol’s deep voice breaks through your thoughts. “The one with the hoodie looked like he was going to pound me.” 

“Oh they are my best friends from college,” you say casually. “Well, I don't know the girl but yeah. Besides, Hansol, the one with the hoodie, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.” 

You can confidently say out of all the years you have known him, Hansol, you have never seen him get aggressive with anyone. The most emotion you see from him is when he talks about cameras, film, or his love for Kel—. 

“I don’t have anything to worry about, do I?”

Shaking your head and changing the mood, you strategically place your hand on his thigh, smiling mischievously. “Now are we going to talk about my friends all night, or do you want to do something more exciting?”

To say Hansol is bothered is an understatement. 

You didn’t come home last night and even though he knew where you were, it still gnaws at him. It was unlike you. You always came home. It’s irking him. You are always there. 

Hansol noticed that you hadn’t been around as much, and he assumed it had something to do with work, which he understood since you both work in the same industry. But seeing you with that guy with the fancy Benz, dressed in clothes you rarely wear and your hair different from your usual look—it was all he could think about. You looked beautiful last night, and he wasn’t sure why he didn’t see it before. What maddened him the most was that he couldn’t figure out why. He just knew that you were not there, and it didn’t feel right. 

Hansol slowly got out of his bed and checked the time on his phone, 9:37 am in bold letters on his lock screen. His head raged from the hangover he caught from last night’s drinking. He is a lightweight and he knows he drank more than he should, but he was still dealing with the aftermath of the breakup with Kelsey. It’s been a few weeks and though he was feeling better, he still cared about her. He just wanted to not think or feel for a few hours. Now his thoughts are plagued by you. 

He sauntered out of his room, the sunlight hit him like a wall, momentarily blinding him. He reached for a bottle of water, hoping to ease the throbbing in his head. A few moments later, Wonwoo opened the spare room, yawning and adjusting his glasses. Hansol was too drunk to drive, and Wonwoo was sober enough to take him home. The date that he brought last night, who he learned was named Jules, sheepishly appeared behind him, adjusting her dress as she took her walk of shame. Hansol heard murmuring but couldn’t make out what they were saying, but shortly after the door shut with a click, with Wonwoo leaning against it, an amusing grin on his face. 

“Is that your next victim?” Hansol teased. 

“Eh, maybe,” he shrugged. “She is more tolerable than the others.” 

“Uh-huh,” he surmised, drinking the last bits of his water. “We’ll see how long this one lasts.” 

Wonwoo is a notorious dater if you want to call it that. He has always had the philosophy that being tied down isn’t for him and he would rather run through the mill than be with someone he always likes. He is a fine art photographer who travels quite a bit, and he is always bragging about how it wouldn’t make sense for him to be in a relationship. He blows where the wind goes, and Hansol has always respected that he stayed true to himself. 

Wonwoo chuckled as he grabbed the water next to Hansol, clutching it as he drank it empty. He looked at your closed room door, his eyebrows raised curiously. 

“She isn’t here?” Wonwoo probed, pointing at your door. 

“No,” Hansol mumbled, followed by a slight ping in his chest. “She might still be out.” 

“Uh, huh,” Wonwoo concluded, eyeing him oddly. “Sounds like she had a good night.” 

“Yeah, I bet,” Hansol said bitterly, his fingers rubbing his right temple. “It’s not like her to stay overnight at some douche’s house. Something is up.” 

“A douche, huh?” Wonwoo curved into a sly grin. “How do you know the guy is a douche? He could be a cool guy.” 

“Come on, he drives an S-class Mercedes and wears an Apple watch. I’m willing to bet he’s some tech bro.”

“And?” Wonwoo challenged. “That doesn’t make him a bad guy. If I don’t know any better I would say you are jealous.” 

Hansol rolled his eyes at his accusation, though the thought of you canoodling with the tech bro made him feel a certain way. “I’m not jealous. I am just… concerned, that’s all.” 

“Yeah, let’s call it that.” 

The alarm beeped from the front door and you walked in slowly, looking as put together as you did last night. Hansol paled as if he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to, and Wonwoo looked amused, folding his arms as he leaned against the counter. 

“Oh hey, party girl,” Wonwoo greeted you. “We were just talking about you.”

“Were you now?” You said with raised eyebrows, slowly taking off your heels. 

“Y-yeah, we were wondering if you made it home,” Hansol said nervously. “Well, you’re here now so.”

“Did you have a good time?” Wonwoo probed you further. “Will you see him again?

You look down at the floor, your face heating up from embarrassment. They typically don’t ask about your dating life, so why does it matter now?

“Maybe,” you murmured, biting your lip. “I’m going to go shower and get out of these clothes.” 

Hansol watched you as you walked into your room, shutting the door behind you quietly. He is relieved that you made it home safe, but he still feels conflicted about how he feels. Is he in fact, jealous?

“I’m going to go home and get some sleep,” Wonwoo announced, clapping a hand on Hansol’s shoulder. 

He let himself out and Hansol went back to his room, collapsing on his bed. Stirred emotions and thoughts rumbled through his head, and he closed his eyes, determined to think things through with a clearer head. 

His phone buzzed on his nightstand, and he sluggishly grabbed it, groaning at his notifications. A new message from Kelsey flashed as he swiped up on his screen. “I miss you.”

It’s been over a week since you saw Hansol, and you would be a liar to say that you were fine. You miss him. 

Your night with Seungcheol was fun, and he was a good fuck, but your mind kept drifting back to Hansol… imagining it was him. Seungcheol was nice enough to let you sleep in if you wanted and made sure you were good before you left, but you know it’s not going to go anywhere. Deep down he knows that too. 

God, you are a mess. 

You decided to keep busy with work and find things outside of your condo that made you happy, and that’s what led you here tonight, at the local movie theater. Around this time every year, they play five showings for free as a thank-you for the community supporting the theater for the past ten years. Princess Mononoke is the movie of the night, and you are standing in line, waiting to buy your ticket. It’s one of your favorite comfort movies in the world, and you never miss a chance to watch it, especially when you are feeling down. 

The weather is cooler than what was forecasted, and the slight breeze makes you tug on your coat tightly. You and Hansol did this every year together—and it feels weird alone. Unnatural even. You remember having long discussions about the movies you saw and what made them great. You love seeing the twinkle in his eye when he talks about the type of camera lens that was used and what it took to get certain shots. In return, he would listen to you vividly as you rambled about the time and craft it took to create special effects or a certain mask. Those times made you feel connected with him in a way no one could understand, and it's one of the main reasons why you fell in love with him. 

You purchase your ticket and walk inside the old building, the smell of buttery popcorn attacking your senses as soon as you open the door. The interior has been the same since you have been coming here, with high lights in the ceilings, vintage movie posters, and the same plush crimson carpet that matches the drapes on the windows. It has character and it feels cozy, like you are a kid again. 

You give the attendant your ticket and he rips the lower stub, pointing you in the direction of which theater room you need to go to. Your stomach rumbled with a slight ache, reminding you that you have not eaten since this morning. You were never really the breakfast type, as you normally just wake up and go about your day. You have a million things on your mind, and just for a little while, you want to shut it off. Princess Mononoke usually does that. 

Your phone buzzes slightly in your jacket and you look at Hansol’s name on the screen, hesitant to answer. It wouldn’t hurt to hear his voice for a little bit, right?

“Hey, you,” you say, biting your lip. 

“Hey, turn around,” he replies, his voice sounding louder than it should. 

Turning around slowly, you watch him walk through the doors, the sunlight trailing behind him like a halo. He sports an old college hoodie, faded jeans, and a smile, and in this moment, he almost takes your breath away. 

“I would ask what you are doing here, but I know better than that,” you joke lightheartedly. 

“Yeah, you know I’ll never miss this,” Vernon says, looking around at the theater. “Man, this place still looks the same.” 

“I know,” you agree, fidgeting with the ticket in your hand. “How did you know I was here?” 

“Because I know you,” he shrug. “I tried calling you to see if you wanted to come tonight, but you never picked up. So I came here.” 

“You called?” You give him a puzzled look. “I don’t remember you ca—”

You scroll through your notifications, seeing the three missed calls from him throughout the day. Even texted you but you didn’t see it. You had your phone on do not disturb mode, and you didn’t think to check any of your messages. Maybe you are just being childish. 

“See,” he nudges your shoulder playfully. “I told you.” 

“Yeah, yeah” you roll your eyes teasingly. “Are you watching Mononoke too?”

“You know it,” he nods. “I’ll grab the popcorn and nachos. Go find us a seat?”

You watch him make his way to the concession stand, butterflies swirling in your stomach as the familiar feeling of home swells in your chest. You head to the third room on the right, snagging seats in the middle row that give you a perfect viewing of the movie. The lights dim as you sit down, with the old previews from 1997 playing on the screen giving you a major flashback to the past. In this moment you feel good and content, despite wanting to come here alone and avoid Hansol at all costs. You wouldn’t call yourself a fickle person, but you are glad your plans did change. Being around him feels just right. 

The movie starts a few minutes later, and Hansol appears right as it starts, searching the rows until he finds you. His face softens and his lips curve into a smile, taking a seat next you and handing you a popcorn and a cherry coke. 

“I haven’t missed anything, have I?”

You shake your head softly, avoiding his gaze and the pitter-patter he gives your heart. 

“No, you made it just in time.”

Hansol had a good time with you. 

It felt comfortable and familiar to be with you while he watched one of his favorite movies. He didn’t actually know that you were going to be there; he just took a chance and hoped you would be there, and like fate, you were standing in the middle of the theater. There was no awkwardness, he didn’t feel like he was walking on eggshells every time he had something on his mind. You just got him, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. 

It’s been a couple of weeks since then, and you have been hanging at the house more. Before he was lucky to catch you in the mornings when you left for work or you would come home late at night when he was already asleep. Even though things were getting back to normal, his thoughts of you continued to grow, and even though he wasn't sure of a lot of things, he knew one thing: he had missed you. 

“Earth to Vernon, hello?”

Hansol snapped out of his thoughts, refocusing on Kelsey as he sat across from her at her house. She asked him to come over and talk, and after thinking it over, he agreed, setting up a time to talk when she came back in town. Kelsey looked beautiful, sporting a white halter top and blue jean shorts, her skin sun-kissed from the vacation she took to the Cayman Islands. Her raven-black hair fell past her shoulders, swaying slightly as she talked about her trip. 

“Where is your head at today?” Kelsey pouted, her eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “I feel like you aren’t listening to me.”

Hansol shook his head, shaking you out of his mind. “I’m listening. All I do is listen.” 

“No, you don’t,” Kelsey retorted. “You didn’t listen to me about the party or kick that girl out of your condo—”

“I already told you, that’s not happening,” Vernon pushed back. “ And that girl has a name. Why would I kick her out? It makes no sense.” 

“You know why Vernon.” 

“No, I don’t. You’re being unreasonable.” 

Kelsey rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air. “We have been together almost three years and you haven’t asked me to move in. I asked you plenty of times to think about our future and to limit your time with her. You refuse to do it. Why is that?”

“Whoa, that’s bullshit!” Hansol’s anger rose through his chest. “You have never said “let’s move in together” or anything like that. If anything, all you have talked about lately is getting you into industry parties to build your brand. Also, I did start spending less time with her. What are you on about?”

“Because I am supposed to be your best friend!” Kelsey shouted. “You don’t even do the same things with me that you do with her. I bet she leaps with joy every time we have a break.” 

“She’s not like that,” Hansol said defensively. “She’s always been there for me and encouraged me to work it out with you. To your other point, every time I ask you to do something with me, something I want to do for once, you say it’s childish and that I need to grow up” 

“Because Vernon, who the hell still watches Star Wars?” Kelsey scoffs. “You are not a nine-year-old boy. You’re a grown man. Fucking act like it.” 

Hansol sighed, feeling drained and defeated. Star Wars meant a lot to him, as it was the main inspiration for why he wanted to get into cinematography and study film. It’s how he bonded with his dad. She knew that and still decided to insult him about it every chance she got. He wasn’t sure what the future looked like before he arrived, but the tension he felt in his chest and the ache in his heart made things a lot more clear. He still cared about Kelsey, more than he should, but it’s time to move on

“This… isn’t going to work,” Hansol rubbed his temple. “The fact that you still call me Vernon, knowing how formal it makes me feel, says a lot. I don’t know what happened to the girl I fell in love with, but clearly she’s gone. We’re done.” 

“Yeah, right,” Kelsey said incredulously. “You aren’t leaving me—”

“Yes, I am.” Hansol resolved. “This relationship has been one-sided for a while now. I’m sick of this.” 

Hansol got up from the table and handed her his copy of her apartment key. Kelsey looked bewildered, realizing that he was serious, and he wasn’t coming back this time. 

“So that’s it? You are just going to throw this all away? For her? She’s in love with you and you don’t even see it. All the times you have let her disrespect me and put up with her crap. I bet this was her idea.”

“You weren’t exactly nice to her either,” Hansol retorted, his heart beating out his chest. “She has been there for me when you weren’t. She cares about what I’m interested in. We like the same things. I don’t have to wonder if she cares about me and my family loves her. She’s smart, kind, beautiful and I love he—”

He stopped himself before he completed his sentence, shook at what was about to come out of his mouth. He was still grappling with his feelings for you and what that meant, and he still couldn’t put any words to what it all meant… until now.

“It’s not just about her,” Hansol said. “It’s everything with us, and the fact that you still don’t get it, tells me everything I need to know. Take care, Kelsey.”

He left the apartment before she started her next tirade, with a storm brewing in the night sky. He hated the way she talked about you like you were insignificant. You didn’t deserve the vitriol Kelsey spat every time you came up in conversation. You weren’t the warmest person, but you always made him feel seen and were there for him no matter what. You got his humor and his late-night thoughts about the latest webtoon he just read. His thoughts of you biting your lip when you’re nervous or the quirky thing you do with your eyebrow when you tell a story; he loved it all. It took for this to happen to see what he had in front of him all this time. He missed you when you aren’t around and it drove him crazy to see you on a date with that tech bro. 

Realization hit him like a punch in the gut as he turned the ignition: he’s been in love with you this whole time. Now how the hell does he tell you that?

The harsh sound of thunder makes the hairs on your neck stand up, dropping your iPad on your lap. It’s suddenly dark in your room, light from the partly cloudy day gone and replaced by storm clouds and flashing lightning. Your condo sits on the 10th floor, and the sound is much more elevated, sending chills down your spine. You hate being alone when it storms. 

You heard Hansol leave earlier and you wanted to clear your head, and so you decided to work on some sketches for a project that is happening at work. You are creating a few masks for an upcoming horror movie, and you are throwing out a few ideas that may interest the producers. The only problem is that you never got around to actually work; instead you were drawing doodles around you and Hansol’s name like a teenager. 

Every attempt you have made to distance yourself from him has become futile, and you decide to just accept the situation for what it was. Maybe one day you will work up the courage to tell him how you feel, but not being around him is agonizing, and you would rather have your best friend back than not have him at all. You can’t help the way he makes you feel, and until something changes, you’re okay with where things are… for now. 

Another crackling sound of thunder makes you yelp, knocking your iPad on the floor and cracking the corner of the screen. 

“Shit,” you mumble, looking at the damage. 

Your nerves are shot, and you decide to make some tea to calm yourself while the storm rages outside. You place your iPad safely on the bed and slip out of your room, heading to the kitchen as the wind picks up and hurls rain against the windows. It amazes you how the day can go from sunny and hopeful to dark and tragic within a few minutes. Mother nature must be on one today, you think to yourself. 

The alarm door beeps and Hansol walks in, completely unscathed by the storm. He slides off his black beanie that covers his short brown hair and lets out a sigh of relief as he locks the door behind him. His eyes met yours, and a small smile spread across your face. 

“You made it just in time,” you say, pouring water into your teapot. “It’s about to get ugly out there.” 

“Yeah.” he nods, his gaze fixed on the darkened windows. 

You could tell something is bothering him, as you watch him take off his shoes and put up his jacket, but you don’t know what to say. Things have been so good between you two, yet the last time he opened up, he shared something you weren’t ready to hear. Despite everything, your concern for him remains strong, and you can’t help but ask, “Are you okay?”

“I think so,” Hansol replies, lost in thought. “Kelsey and I are done for good.” 

“Oh?” you exclaim. “What’s changed?”

Vernon sits on the couch and you follow him, sitting cross-legged and across from him as he shares his feelings. “I went over there to talk to her, and I just realized that she just used me. She didn’t care about me or what I liked. It was always about her and what he wanted… plus she said some ridiculous things about you.”

“Did she now?” You quirk an eyebrow in curiosity. “What did she have to say about me?”

You aren’t surprised that she probably said some rude things about you. It’s not like you were her biggest fan either and you didn’t hide it. Kelsey wouldn’t ever say it to your face though, and that always made you chuckle. 

“She said you were in love with me and that you were happy every time we broke up.” 

The words don’t register right away. You can’t have heard him say what you think he said. “She said what now?”

“She said that you were in love with me,” his words tumbling out like a confession.

Your heart starts racing, the feelings of disbelief and anger stirring in your chest. That wasn’t her secret to share. “I.. can’t believe she said that.” 

“Neither can I,” Hansol sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s not like you have feelings for me, and wouldn’t tell me… right?”

Your breath catches, a deep ache forming in the pit of your stomach. This is something you longed for and dreaded for a long time. You could deny it and keep things the way they are, or finally tell him how you feel and change your dynamic forever. 

“Hansol, I—”

“Are you in love with me?” He interrupts, his gaze intense. “I need to know if this is real.”

“What do you mean? And why does it matter?” You say bitterly. “ You are in love with Kelsey and will just go back to her. You always do.” 

“What if I don’t?” 

Your heart is pounding, and you take a deep breath, trying to make sense of everything. “What do you mean if you don’t?”

“I told you, I am done with her,” Hansol reiterates. “These past few weeks without her opened my eyes to a lot of things, and while I have been thinking about her less, you’ve been on my mind more.”

“What are you saying, Hansol?”

“I don’t want to be with her. I want to be with you.”

The air is thick with uncertainty as his words echo in your head. You should be happy, relieved even that he wants to be with you. But in the midst of that, you are scared. What if it doesn’t work? What if he regrets all of this in the morning and decides to take it all back? You couldn’t handle that. 

“I… Kelsey wasn’t far off,” you admit, biting your lip. “I wasn’t necessarily happy when you were sad about her, but I have always felt like you deserved better.” You pause to gather your thoughts. “I am in love with you, Hansol.  I tried to put my feelings away and move on, date, or whatever. But every time I’m near you, it just hurts.”

Hansol pulls you into a warm hug, and you fully embrace his scent and the comfort you feel. You’ve imagined times like this when he would hold you in his arms and caress your face. You craved it even, wishing you could hear his heartbeat and feel him in ways you haven’t. But this feels too good to be true, and in the back of your mind, you wonder if this is real, or another dream. 

“Are you sure you want to be with me?” you speak up. “You just broke up with her and I don’t want to be some rebound you’ll regret later—”

He kisses you. His soft lips press against yours earnestly, and you melt against him, losing the remaining inhibition you had in you. He leans you back against the couch; his kisses becoming deeper, igniting a fire in you that you thought would stay dormant forever. 

“Does that feel like I’m unsure about what I want?” He breathes heavily. 

“I don’t know,” a smile creeps on your lips, a mix of joy and relief flooding through your veins. “I think I might need another one just to be sure.”

He kisses you again and you return his vigor, your fingers entangled in his hair as you savor the moment. His hands glide down to your waist, touching the hem of your shorts that you hope he’ll tear away. You pause, nodding that it’s okay, watching him slowly slide your shorts down your legs. 

“No panties?” His need is evident, almost salivating at the mouth. 

Your face heats up as you briefly become shy. “It’s laundry day,” you mumble. 

You gaze at each other before erupting into laughter, any remaining tension that was there gone immediately. This is how it always is with him, easy and light. He doesn’t have second or third questions, he just immediately understands. You couldn’t have fallen in love with a better person. 

“I-I love you, Hansol,” you managed to say. “You don’t have to say it back yet, I know we have to figure this out. But just know, I love you.” 

Hansol leans in for another kiss; this time it’s sweeter, tender, with enough meaning to know what it meant,  “Don’t worry, I love you too.” 

And with that, he stands up, taking your hand and leading you to his room. Kicking the door shut, you tear off each other's clothes, excitement and lust pouring through you as you lay on his bed, watching him climb over you. His body presses against yours, your arms wrap around his neck and back, your need for him growing stronger as he leaves kisses on your neck. “I need you so bad.” 

Hansol groans as his hands grab your breasts, mesmerized by your hardened mounds. He sucks on each other carefully, his eyes closed as if he is savoring the taste. He worships your body, his tongue trailing down your stomach until he reaches your core, spreading your legs apart. You’ve played so many scenarios on what your first time with him would be like, and what kind of lover he would be. This is better than you’ve imagined. 

“You’re so wet… for me?” he says in disbelief. “I get you like this?”

You bite your lip, nodding slowly as you anticipate his next move. He slips a digit inside of you, watching you squirm as he fingers you slowly. 

“Oh god,” you praise him as he adds another one. “Just like that, please.” 

Hansol leans down and lashes his tongue against your clit, sending jolts of pleasure throughout your body. The sheets bunch in your fists, your knuckles stretching out as his relentless mouth laps up your essence, savoring every drop. He explores every inch of your softness, removing his fingers and replacing them with his tongue. His hands stroke his cock which is leaking with precum. You are ascending to a high that you never want to come down from. 

“H-Hansol,” your voice is grained with need. “I’m so close.”

He moans in response, his breath hot against your skin, and the sound vibrates through you, intensifying the coil of tension within. Your orgasm crashes over you, a tidal wave of bliss completely taking over you, whimpering his name as your legs tremble around him. White starts clouding your vision and you feel like you are on air, floating away into paradise. You feel him groan against your thigh, and you look down slightly, his cock dripping with his load as it coats his hand. You collapse on his pillow, trying to catch your breath, slowly coming down from cloud nine. You hear him leave and come back a few moments later, wiping you down with a warm rag. 

“Aww, that’s sweet of you,” you tease him, closing your legs slightly. 

“I’m sorry for that being short,” he says, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I usually can last longer than that, you know… I don’t know what happened.”

You prop yourself up, brushing a strand of hair away from his forehead. “It was perfect. Don’t apologize.”

You pull him into a hug, softly kissing his cheek and motioning for him to lay down with you. He climbs over you and hugs you from behind, cradling you so close you can feel his heartbeat. The sunlight peeks through the window, a sign that the storm finally passed. Happiness can’t even describe the word you are feeling right now.

“Fuck. R-right there.”

Hansol wanted to make up for last night’s performance, so he woke you up with kisses to your face, your neck, the curves on your body and most importantly, in between your legs. The way you grabbed his hair went his tongue went deeper, or the way you begged for him to fuck you. He was addicted to all of it. It was like he was making love for the first time.

“Please Hansol, I need you.”

He quickly slipped on a condom and slowly entered you, watching the way your lips parted as he inched in a little more.

“Are you okay? I am not hurting you, am I?”

You shook your head slowly as you held onto his arms, looking into his eyes with a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay,” you bit your lip. “I can take it.”

He almost came right then and there, hearing you talk like that. Feeling safe with him. He never experienced that with Kelsey, the feeling of being wanted, and truly loved.

He moved slowly, wanting to make sure you could handle it, and he was mesmerized by the way you looked when you were being pleasured. You goaded him for more, and he did that, stroking deeper while your nails dug into his back. You were tight, warm and welcoming like you were made for him. He loved the way your breasts bounced when he thrust harder and the blunt curses that left your lips when he lifted your legs. 

If Hansol could, he would fuck you all day and night to make up for the past time wasted. He wanted to show you how much you meant to him, and he wasn't the best with words, so this would do… for now

“I’m gonna cum—”

His mouth covered yours as your legs shuddered underneath him, your orgasm ripping through you like a hurricane. Your body glistened with sweat, your eyes wet from tears from being fucked out and he couldn't hold back anymore, his thrusts becoming erratic as he emptied himself into the condom.

Hansol thought he was in love before, and maybe it was because it was you, but he hadn't felt this alive in a long time. You were precious to him, and all he wanted to do was lay with you and watch movies all day, talk about mundane things…it didn't matter as long as he was with you.

“I… have a confession to make,” you said breathlessly.

“Yeah?”

“I always wondered… what it would be like. With you.”

He watched you bury yourself in his sheets, feeling shy about your confession. Hansol chuckled, slowly pulling out of you and riding himself of the condom. 

“So, did I live up to your expectations?” He asked tentatively.

You gently pull down the covers, smiling at him softly. “This is better than anything I could’ve imagined.”

tagging: @heechwe @junniesoleilkth @iheartnonie @jaeyunsprincxss

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

Could I pretty please hear what you would think about a platonic Doey X autistic player?

Shoutout to my fellow autistic poppy playtime fans, we cannot be stopped >:)

If you like my work, please consider commissioning me :)

Doey & autistic Player

★ Doey is no stranger to people who are on the spectrum, plenty of his old friends from Home Sweet Home had special needs. You shouldn't feel any kind of shame over who you are! If you did, Doey would be quick to knock some sense into you.

★ In that situation, Doey's playful side would come out. "Alright, listen up! You're incredible, and I won't let you feel bad about yourself. Being a bit different than others is not a flaw—it's a part of you. And personally, I think your pretty great!"

★ Feeling overstimulated? If possible, he will adjust the environment as needed. Turning down lights if they are too bright, giving you a blanket with a nice texture and asking the other toys to play quietly.

★ He always asks for permission before getting close to you. Knowing that sometimes it can be a big no. "Hey buddy, is it okay if I stand here? I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Followed by him hastily adding "If you ever feel uncomfortable, just let me know, okay?"

★ Doey gets really upset if someone messes with you. His eyes narrow, the usually jovial demeanor shifting into something more serious. He takes a deep breath, trying to keep his cool before speaking. "Hey, that's not okay. You need to stop. Right now."

★ Internally, Doey is seething with anger. He hates to see anyone treated badly. But chances are the person who was being rude was just a toy who didn't really understand what they were doing. If that's the case, he takes the time to explain why what they did was so wrong.

[emblemxeno]

Hot Take Time!

I think the breakthrough revelation that the Sonic fanbase had about the series' reception during the 2010's, where full-force sincerity in its stories was mocked for being cringe and willingness to stand out in both a gameplay and artistic sense resulted in beloved games being panned retroactively, can be easily applied to FE Engage.

Engage is the most fucking sincere plot the series has had in over a decade. Yes, despite being the guy whose fav FE game is Fates, I think that game was still bogged down by the prospect of following up the blowout success of a game like Awakening and had too many instances of putting in a lot of ideas to see what worked rather than putting the full weight behind a select few core elements.

SoV had the baggage of being a remake while still needing a modern appeal, and ended up with a lot of contradictory aspects. And 3H doesn't know what it wants to be and never did from the ground up.

Engage is different. It wanted to be a grand celebration of 30 years of this great series. It wanted pizazz. It wanted spectacle. It wanted to say "we fucking love this series and we love the fans who supported us."

The characters are flashy and striking to make you remember them. The music is bombastic, with a wide variety of styles so anyone can find a favorite track. The presentation is beautiful, with great visuals and phenomenal sound design. New uber powerful mechanics balanced out by incredible map design, supberb flow, and responsive game feel.

But the sincerity shines brightest with its narrative. The core messages are well written!

Sometimes knowing when to retreat is better than foolhardy bravery. It's always worth considering someone's background and feelings before casting them away. There's never a single easy solution to your problems, and if you think there is, you'll end up repeating the same mistakes. You can find family with anyone, and are not bound solely by those who you're born to. To live authentically as yourself is beautiful and should be celebrated.

The game believes all of those things to a degree which really hasn't been seen since the series was on the brink of death.

But that sincerity was treated as unpalatable, cringe, and plain awful.

The fandom for a series that routinely and infamously has terrible armor designs now suddenly throws a fit because "flower girl has silly dress" or "these characters have face paint/tattoos."

The single laziest form of criticism for FE casts that has permeated the community since Awakening released, that being "the cast is one note tropes that have no personality or development outside of them", came back in full fucking force with Engage.

And it's pretty damn sad. In my opinion, sincerity shouldn't be mocked. Sometimes, you should take a minute and ask yourself "Is it bad, or is it just not my thing? Am I writing off an entire cast's writing because I don't like some character designs? Do I have personal preferences that aren't being met in this instance, and should I learn to grapple with saying that instead of just writing off the product as fundamentally terrible or, at best, half-assed?"

At some point, looking inward and considering community wide commonalities has to be recognized as a factor for why products are received the way they are, rather than just laying blame at the devs' feet for "not making a good product that people wanted." After all, word of mouth is the reason why FE even got this far, considering FE1 was effectively a sleeper hit because people who played it spread the word despite mixed reviews.

TL-DR, Engage isn't cringe, YOU ARE!!!

[sweetcardamom]

YES. There may be personality traits, and there are definitely personal preferences, that make a person more inclined to create art, and there are people with more natural talent. But feeling it? Understanding it? That's a human thing, not a special subcategory of human. And there can be just as much expression in "bad" art as in highly skilled art.

This is why I don't like the movie "Tomorrowland": it claims that there are "more special" people who can create a utopia, but others who aren't special enough. Nonsense. We all have infinite potential. We are all of infinite worth. The person that you think isn't that smart or creative or thoughtful or interesting or something? That person also has something to teach the rest of us. (This has been a lesson I've had to have more than once.)

there is no soul of an artist that distinguishes them from some 'non-artist' category of person that could simply never comprehend what it is like. anyone can make art. you should know this by now. from ratatouille

[sunrisecaminus]

Hello ! Can I request Optimus or Starscream with a reader who has self-doubt and struggles with validation (maybe work/academic related if thats ok)? (Fluff/comfort)

Message - Ok Optimus wasn't hard, because he is a sweetie pie, but omg Starscream was so funny to write for because I always saw him as the type to think of self-doubt as weak and is not good with comforting. Hopefully this was good enough, but I liked this a lot!

Optimus and Starscream x Reader Headcanons

Summary - Headcanons of human reader being comforted by Optimus and Starscream when they have self-doubts.

Type of Headcanons - Comfort/Fluff

Optimus

~ This man was kind of the same as you in a way and never wanted to let you go through his problems as well.

~ Whenever he gives you something important, he notices a lot when you are nervously telling yourself not to fuck it up…Yeah he is going to work on you.

~ Optimus would tell you a lot that you can work while playing music, which helped him a lot before the war with being an archivist.

~ Now he is embarrassed on spilling his music choices to you, because you have no idea what the Cybertronian music sounds like and might talk to Ratchet later to find out. He will never let you listen to his old favorite music playlist.

~ Optimus will compliment you on your work whenever you are done, which in turn makes you flustered and say "noooooo" a lot. He finds it adorable and when you guys are alone, shower you with kisses and words of affection to hear more of your constant whining.

~ You have no idea why, but being on his shoulders while working on something helps you be more confident. Either the matrix is giving you support, or being on something tall helps you feel like you are on top of the world.

~ He understands your feelings whenever you feel as though you are not good enough for the other Autobots.

~ "You are just as important to the team as everyone else…maybe more."

~ The one thing you both love to do when you are not having a good time with your confidence is to walk around in nature. It doesn't have to be green tree and beautiful skies though, both of you drive to the middle of the desert and walk around. No cities, trees, or people. Just you, the sand, and Optimus taking one slow step at a time because how small you are.

~ You both talk about funny stories, trying to keep your mind off a project you got a low grade on.

~ "Why don't I take you back? You can sleep with me for the night?"

Starscream

~ I am so sorry, but this man is so aggressive with his compliments.

~ He has no idea why you think this way and insults you, making it worse XD

~ "Why do you think such low things about you? What? Is your stupid human brain not working?"

~ After explaining to him why you think those thoughts, that was when he took your problems personally.

~ If you had these thoughts because of a bad childhood, this man would honestly ask where this bad person lives to blow up the house.

~ If you had depression or another mental health issue, he would help by taking you to Knockout and have a fun movie night.

~ If you just wanted to get your mind off of your self doubt, there are two things this man could do.

~ Either he would distract you by talking about his life before the war and what went on.

~ Or he would take you flying. Better get use to the g-force, because he does loops and twists a lot.

~ He would compliment you on your achievements, even if they were small. You could do the laundry for yourself and he would call you his best sweetspark in the universe and congratulate you on finding your strengths.

~ Ok this may seem a bit dark, but he would defend you from Megatron…even if it costs him a wing and an arm. Megs is probably one of the many reasons you feel down.

~ He would love to dance with you from time to time. Turning on elegant music and twirling you around with his fingers.

~ "You are wonderful darling, don't let some useless slag get to you."

[nagaytoe]

Cor Meum

(Latin) [noun] my Heart

Ć̷͚̇ŗ̷̧̨̡͍̺̤̠͎̱̬͙̥̝̤̆̈́̈͌́́̀̀̐̓̈́̉̈́̽͂́͐͋̓͛̔̈́̓̋͆̔̀͗̄̆̌́͂̕̚͘͠͝o̴̧̜̭͇̣̘̫̜͍͚͈̰̣͚͈͉͉̝͔͇̾̿̏͛͗̑̚͜͝͝ͅw̶̧̛͖̭͚͈̙̬̯̼̬̻͇̹͊̓̈́̔̋͆̊̆͛͜͠ͅ-̷̢̧̘̜͈̞̻̳̫̠̟̘̳̜̬̗̪͗̈́S̸̃̏̀̓̇͌͐̉̑͒͝��̨̡̢̼̺̤̮̰͍̺̞̃͂̈́̌͆̍̓͗͌̽͐͌̚͠͝ͅǫ̵̺̜̝̫͇̼͉̫̪̫͈̹͕̱̱̳̝̱͔̫͚̟̭͍̫̖̭̲̞̩̱͔͓̘̪̝̦̜͓̟͉̐̐́̊͂́̐̀̿͂͘̕͠l̷̡̧̨̧̰͔̪̳̪̼͉̥̹̩̞͎̘̣̱̦̞̳̙̲̤̣̹͔̦̣͚̞͉̗͉̝̰̝̟͉̼͓͖̝̈̈͂͆͋̑͒̈͑́̈́̇͆͂̈́̃̂̏̿̐̽̀̊̃̏̉͘̕͘͘͜͜͜͝ͅX Reader

Word count: 2.8k

Requests: Open

TWs, Tags: Multilation, Murder, Guts, Vomiting, Delusion, Manipulation, Crowe and Reader are in an established relationship, Sol and Reader don't formally know each other

Pink heart garlands decorated the hallways, the faint scent of roses permeating the air, despite the amount of people here. Some students' lockers, once again including Geo’s, were filled to the brim with love letters. You couldn’t fathom why people made such a big deal of this day, treating it equally to far more important holidays.

Nonetheless, this year, you were not as unaffected by the Day of Love as you usually were but who was to blame for that? None other than Jericho Ichabod.

The two of you were together for almost half a year and it was by far the best time period of your life. You could not wish for a sweeter, more attentive boyfriend than him and you would be lying if you said you hadn’t imagined a future with him every now and then - like moving in together, getting married, adopting some animals.

“Are you even listening to me?” A feminine, smokey voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you looked over to the blonde girl next to you with wide eyes. Brtittney sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with bright pink acrylic nails.

“Seriously? I’m trying to help you here, you know?”

It was true, you had asked Brittney to help you pick out a Valentine’s day present for your beloved Crowe, since you couldn’t settle for one single thing.

The presents were either too dull, too basic for someone like him, other ideas were way too personal and expensive for Valentine’s day and were better suited for his birthday.

Brittney and you pushed through the crowd of students as you were on your way to the cafeteria.

“Sorry, Brit, I just… I feel like such a bad partner for not immediately coming up with something fitting for him…” Your eyes were cast down to the floor as you sighed heavily. The girl next to you rolled her eyes and smiled at you, nudging your side with her elbow. “You are not a bad partner, seriously, I don’t think I have ever seen Crowe this happy. You could probably give him a random stone you picked up from the street and he’d treasure it like a diamond necklace.”

She wasn’t wrong, Crowe wasn’t the materialistic type by any means, but you still wanted to give him something meaningful.

“I was thinking about getting us a sun and moon necklace, but I’m not sure whether he will like it or not .”

The blonde woman sent a deadpan expression your way, as if to ask you if you were being serious.

Averting your gaze, you were left to admit that he would most likely like it a lot. He liked jewelry, he liked celestial bodies, there was no chance he wouldn’t love it, if you were being frank.

“The only challenge is how you’re gonna get that, though. I doubt any local shop has this exact piece of jewelry in store right now.”

Fiddling with your fingers, you thought about ways you could possibly obtain this present for him.

“I’m sure some shop has the charms I need, I can just make the necklace myself.”

Brittney nodded at you in agreement, before pushing open the door to the cafeteria.

-

After almost an hour of looking for the charms you needed, you finally managed to find the perfect ones. A simple, golden sun with a small, round gemstone right in the center of the charm for you and a silver crescent moon, an oval gemstone adorning the middle for Crowe. Getting them was a hassle, especially since the mall was filled to the brim with people frantically searching for Valentine’s day presents. However, getting something sweet for Crowe was worth enduring the suffocating crowd.

Once you arrived at your apartment, you immediately beelined towards your bedroom to get to work, shopping bag in tow. Sitting down on your soft bed, you carefully unpacked the pendants, along with two black leather cords to attach the charms to.

It reminded you of when you were younger, when times were easier. Back then, you made necklaces like these for fun, to give to your parents or friends as presents. To you, it always felt far more personal than store bought jewelry. Of course, now that you were grown-up people expect you to give them presents other than hand-made ones, but you knew Crowe would never judge you, especially not for pouring time and effort into making something for him.

Taking a look towards the clock attached to the wall right over your bedroom door, you noticed you had two hours left until Crowe would come over.

The two of you had decided to meet up at your place in the evening and spend the night together, especially since Valentine’s day was on a friday this year. Perhaps tonight you could take things to the next level in your relationship. It was not like neither of you wanted to have sex, but he was your first boyfriend and you did not want to rush things, a decision he was perfectly fine with. A rush of warmth spread through your body at the thought, causing you to feel giddy as you got to work.

Time ticked by, soft music played in the background which you put on right before you started creating the necklaces. Looking at the time, you noticed not even half an hour had passed and you were already finished, the sun necklace already hanging around your neck. You pondered for a moment and decided to watch your favorite show in the meantime, during your wait for Crowe. While you turned on your TV, your mind wandered back to the walk towards the mall. You couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched, constantly looking over your shoulder as you made your way towards your destination. It was a feeling that had accompanied you for quite some time now and since you’ve been with Crowe it has only gotten worse. You shook your head, trying to disperse the thought. Due to the lack of another explanation, you decided your imagination must be playing tricks on you. Eventually, you put on the show and decided to relax a little, longing to get rid of the familiar tickling feeling right behind your ribcage, the feeling of dread. Losing yourself in your favourite show seemed like a good way to escape your thoughts right now.

-

Your gaze wandered towards the clock and you noticed Crowe was running half an hour late already. Usually he was never late to anything, but whenever that was the case he informed the person waiting for him. Grabbing your phone, you opened his contact and called him.

It rang once.

Twice.

Three times and a few more after that until you were sent to his mailbox.

Worry started to settle deep in your stomach. What if something happened to him? You knew that this town wasn't the safest, danger lurked in every dark corner and especially with how dark it was outside during this time of the day, your fear was not unjustified.

Just as you went to try for another call, the doorbell rang. Heaving a sigh of relief, you sprang off the bed and rushed towards the door, not bothering to turn off the show.

“Hey, I was starting to-”

It was not Crowe standing in front of your door.

Red eyes locked with yours as you gazed up at the man in front of you in confusion.

“Can I help you?”

The man looked vaguely familiar, if you remember correctly you shared a class with him.

He nodded and smiled, although it looked strained, like he was forcing himself to keep his composure.

“May I come in?”

Just then you noticed the box in his hands, causing you to cock your head to the side as you eyed him up and down for a moment. Black dress shoes, dark green pants with a chain in a lighter shade attached to the waistband and a black shirt. Underneath, a green-black striped long sleeve peeked out, effectively covering his arms. Straight, shoulder-length black hair, some green streaks scattered across the strands, framed his pale face but the most intriguing feature were his piercing vermillion eyes.

“I’m expecting a visitor…” You rubbed your arm awkwardly, trying to ease the tension coursing through your body. What was it about this man that made you feel so on edge?

His eye twitched ever so slightly and the corner of his mouth quirked downwards a little. “Don’t worry, I’ll be gone before he is here.”

Shaking your head, you stood your ground. You didn’t know this man, nor did you know what his intentions were.

His smile dropped and his eyes narrowed as he stretched out his arms, offering the present for you to take.

“Will you at least take a look at what I brought you?”

You eyed the box suspiciously, taking it from his hands with hesitance evident in your movements.

“Come on,” he nudged you, an unsettling smile on his face once more. “Open it.”

The man almost seemed excited as you began to take the lid off the box. Your blood froze as you gazed upon the contents.

A heart.

Blood smeared all over and a note to top it off:

With this I ask your Love

Give into me, let yourself fall.

For when push comes to shove

You will be all mine, after all.

You dropped the box in shock, your hands coming up to clutch over your mouth as you looked at the man in horror, a crooked grin spread over his features.

“Do you like it? Did you notice the initials I carved into it? It was quite troublesome, muscle is a tough material for engraving.”

Taking a step back you went to slam the door shut, launching the box outside in the process. However, just before it could fully close, the man stuck his shoe in between the door and the frame.

“What’s the matter, Pumpkin? I thought you wanted his heart so bad?" The man spat out the words as he pushed the door open, overpowering you with barely any effort.

He stepped over the doorstep, kicking the box further into the apartment and closing the door behind him.

"I would have given you my own heart, but I still need it to love you.” Gazing upon you, a sinister smile graced his features.

You felt bile rise in your throat.

“Do you not recognize it? The heart, I mean. Seems like you didn’t hold it as dear as you were supposed to, huh?”

His chuckle caused you to throw up all over the floor in front of you.

“Oh, Pumpkin, don’t worry. I am glad, actually. That means you never truly loved him, did you?”

He took a step closer.

“Perhaps… he was just a distraction until you found your true soulmate?”

Another step.

“Is that it, Pumpkin? I am here now, you need not longer endure his presence.”

Just then it hit you.

You never mentioned that the visitor was male.

This was not some elaborate sick joke, this man in front of you killed someone, your Lover's blood was on his hands.

Your gaze snapped up to meet his, eyes wide in shock and brows furrowed in fury.

“What…what did you do?” It took far too much effort to speak as you choked out each word.

The man stepped over the contents of your stomach strewn across the floor and stretched out his hand in a comforting gesture, though it felt more looming than anything else.

“I just took care of the trash.” He said it in such a nonchalant fashion that it made you sick.

Slapping his hand away, you quickly backed away, your mind racing as you contemplated your next move.

His gaze darkened, the red eyes staring at you grew into slim slits.

“Pumpkin, are you not happy I have freed you of him?”

This guy was nuts, just what on earth was he talking about?

“We can finally be together, just you and me with no one else in the way.”

His eyes locked onto your necklace and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards.

“What the hell are you talking about, I don't even know you!”

Taken aback by your statement, the man momentarily stopped in his tracks, hurt lacing his facial features now.

“I'm Sol, you… you know me.” He said it like it's the most obvious thing in the world, as if he couldn't wrap his head around the fact, the mere possibility of you not knowing him.

“We've been in the same art class for three years…three years which I spent desperately trying to get your attention.”

Slowly but surely he grew irritated.

“Look, Sol,” You tried your best to diffuse the situation for that is your only option as of now. “I'm sure I have seen you around, but you have never talked to me, have you?”

Sol's brows furrowed in irritation now.

“I have talked to you before, I have tried to befriend you and gain your affection, but you?”

The man scoffed as he stepped closer, his pace not slow and careful anymore but fast and purposeful. Before you knew it, he had your upper arm in a bruising, vice-like grip.

“You cut the conversation short. Every. Time. You disregarded me over and over again.”

He leaned in closer to your face and you felt a heavy weight settle in your stomach.

“I didn’t get why…and I have tried with all my might to prevent blood-shed, but you forced my hand, Pumpkin. The moment you officially started dating that slug, I knew I had to get active… I couldn't idly stand by and watch someone take the love of my life from me.”

He cupped your cheek with his free, ice cold hand and you started breathing faster.

“I tried to win you over, even as you were dating him but you acted like you weren't interested in me in the slightest… Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?”

Sighing, he lowered his head momentarily.

“And now seeing this necklace on you… you always knew you were mine, didn't you? Even if it was some part hidden in the depths of your heart…”

The sun necklace.

Sol meant sun.

You unintentionally marked yourself as his property, further playing into his delusions.

“Were you just stringing me along, wanting to see how far I would go for you? You were aware of my presence all this time, weren't you?”

Sol leaned in closer, shuddering in delight as he took a deep breath, inhaling your scent.

”All those years I've spent longing for you, watching your every move…”

Your breathing grew ragged, the panic in your stomach increased tenfold at the realisation and coursed through your entire body.

“It was all worth it. And to know you love me too… it's better than anything I could ever imagine.”

With every word he spoke you took more eager breaths, trying to calm yourself but ultimately ending in hyperventilation. Tears streamed down your face, which he wiped away with his thumb, the touch feather-light and filled with adoration. Had anyone else done it, had Crowe done it, it would have been comforting, but coming from him, especially in the current situation it disgusted you more than anything.

“Shh, Pumpkin, calm down, I'm here…it's alright…”

Sol pulled you closer to him, wrapping his strong arms around you.

You failed to recognize the words he muttered, too occupied with your own thoughts.

You could have prevented this.

You are the reason Crowe is dead.

If only you had been less ignorant.

The world around you started swaying a little, the lack of proper oxygen due to hyperventilation getting to you.

Sol carefully picked you up and as much as you wanted to thrash in his grasp, you couldn't, far too disoriented and weak to do so. Your arms were aimlessly flaying around, only earning a few grunts from him whenever you managed to hit him.

“Let's relax a little… I see you left your favourite show on, perfect to relax to, isn't it?”

He laid you down on the bed, climbing in right after and wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace once more.

You could feel your consciousness slipping away and no matter how desperately you tried to hold onto it, it was no use, you couldn't will your body to breathe more calmly and evenly.

He kissed the top of your head and tried to comfort you, although it did nothing but unsettle you further.

“Don't worry, Pumpkin…I'm here now and I won't leave until your visitor arrives.”

Your visitor won't ever arrive.

Sol won't leave you anymore, will he?

A sinister chuckle with an edge of playfulness to it, echoed from his direction as he spoke the last words you heard before passing out.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Pumpkin.”

[dailydoseoffanfics]

⭐️ SELF AWARE FORSAKEN AU (GENERAL HEADCANONS)

⭐️ a/n: my first x reader post that i actually wrote (i think) heh. /silly ANYWAYS this idea has been my brainrot for a while and TBH i'm not sure if I'm able to execute it well but. fuck it we ball 🔥🔥🔥🔥 ALSO I'M ONLY GOING TO DO NOOB, TWO TIME AND CHANCE FOR NOW CUZ THEY'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT I HAVE SOME IDEAS FOR.... (DON'T WORRY I'LL MAKE ANOTHER POST ABOUT THE OTHER SURVIVORS AS WELL)

⭐️ warnings: possibly ooc but I DON'T GIVE A SHITE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥 (kinda), also really fucking long

⭐️ reader is gender-neutral so they/them pronouns are used!

You're a really normal fan about a Roblox game called "Forsaken".......yeah.....totally a really normal and sane fan about that game. But lately, you've noticed something weird about the characters you're playing.

The characters have varying reactions into finding out they're being controlled by something....or someone (you).

⭐️

NOOB (Noob uses they/them pronouns btw if ya'll forgot!)

Bro has NO clue what's happening right.

It was that one specific round, the usual running away from killers, hiding behind walls hoping that they don't get spotted. It just another round. Or so they though.

During that round, while they're in hiding, they felt some type of.....warmth.

They ignored it at first. Could be just instincts.

But this warmth was....growing? In a way that this warmth was growing stronger, and they feel this type of.....force.

It was controlling their movements, and Noob could hear a faint voice.

Noob is looking around, their mind running places. What is going on? Who is controlling them? And WHY are they doing this???

Noob felt their fear increase. It was already bad that they're getting chased by killers every single round, but when they become aware of this type of, weird force, that's somehow controlling every single of their movement, and hearing a voice that's so far yet so close? Not too mention that Noob didn't even know who you are, no face, no name, nothing. Noob just thought that they lost their mind for good.

What's even worse is that they don't if they can actually trust you. For all they know, you might be some kind of sadistic person that controls people for fun and takes pleasure in seeing people suffer.

That's why Noob tried to stop whatever force this is. Keyword: tried.

No matter how much effort they put into escaping this grasp, like trying to go into an opposite direction or just standing still, it wasn't enough.

Eventually, when the round ends, Noob is just in their designated room, laying on their bed, wondering what in almighty christ just happened.

Their mind kept replaying that incident. Genuinely WHO WAS THAT PERSON? AND WHY WAS THIS PERSON CONTROLLING THEM? WHAT DID THEY EVEN DO TO BE SUBJECTED TO...WHATEVER THIS IS???

Their paranoia is multiplied by 10x. Every new round, their face is noticeably more fearful, they're more jumpy, and they're looking around EVERYWHERE. They look like they're on a brink of a mental breakdown. Usually the other survivors got used to Noob's shakiness, but when the survivors noticed Noob getting jumpscared by literally any sounds, that's where the suspicion comes in (Two Time was the first to notice).

Even if Noob feels dread whenever they feel that same warmth, somewhere deep inside of their mind, it feels..... oddly calming?

Overall, Noob is NOT having a good time. Noob will flat out NOT trust you in the beginning, and probably thinks you're up to no good, so they'll try to avoid you as much as possible (even if they fail everytime). You're gonna have to be REALLY patient with them, Noob being trapped in this time-looping game is already bad enough for them. (Think about this video LMAO)

⭐️

TWO TIME (also uses they/them!)

Two Time is......perplexed. They don't know how to feel about this.

Before Two Time gained awareness, Two Time noticed Noob being more jittery than usual. So they confronted Noob about their behavior lately, and (tried to) comforted Noob. (I headcanon Two Time to be a pretty observant person, and while Two Time is usually closed off, they interact with Noob the most. Second being Elliot.)

So this situation about some kind of....force....controlling Noob? Hm.

Two Time thinks about that interaction, and doesn't just brush that conversation off. They will keep in mind of that, questioning about this "force", with furrowed eyebrows and a questioning gaze on their face as they walk down the hallway of the cabin they live in with the other survivors. (I also headcanon Two Time to be kind of...an overthinker. A great listener, but I think they would think too much about things. ALSO also feel like they're generally an anxious and paranoid fella, and it's canon that they're a little crazy in the membrane, so uh, they're pretty much unstable.)

And that's where it happened. Right after that interaction with Noob with a new round started, they felt warm. The type of warmth Noob described, a type of force that's controlling them.

Two Time felt their blood ran cold. Oh...wow. Two Time understands Noob's fearfulness now.

Immediately doing everything on their willpower to escape out of this force even just for little. They're LOCKED THE FUCK IN trying to stand like a statue (with the survivors giving Two Time weird looks and YOU, my dear player, being confused by this absurd behavior your character that you're playing as right now is showing).

Unfortunately, Two Time's attempt was futile, as their legs are jerked forward, forcing them to participate in the round. Throughout the round, Two Time's mind is running a marathon, while also making more attempts to get out this..warmth feeling off of them.

When the round ends, they would....keep this as a secret for some reason. We all know that Two Time's an enigmatic person, they want secrets to be kept as secrets. (Even then, their weird behavior earlier might've confirmed Noob's suspicion that there was, INDEED, something is controlling them.)

I feel like bro would just go from "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS SHIT HOLY SHIT I DON'T LIKE THIS PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE" to "wait.....what if they're some type of god...omg am i the chosen one ?!?! 🤯🤯🤯"

So the more rounds you played, the more they're starting to think that you're.....a type of deity. And they're slowly starting to stop their escape attempts of the "force".

It's canon that Two Time used to be a part of a cult that believes in the concept of respawning, and this belief grew stronger as time went on, so Two Time thinks that they've been blessed by the gods, and while Two Time can't really hear well of what you're saying, YOU might possibly get them out of this hellhole.

So basically, they slowly went from dreading your presence to......seeking your presence.

Doesn't help that they're pretty unstable though. My guy's gonna look STRAIGHT at you the screen with a smile that you don't whether they despise you or they worship you, which scares the LIVING shit out of you, making you exit out of the game QUICKLY.

And when you exit the game, the warmth automatically disappears from Two Time......which Two Time immediately felt disappointed with. They didn't mean to make you scared! They just wanted to know more about you!

Yeah, Two Time's bummed about that, but now, you're on their mind, and their feelings is having a battle of whether they should be weary of you or trust you.

(Will they eventually be obsessed with you and be desperate of your approval making them do anything, and by ANYTHING, they do for you? Maybe......possibly......likely....)

Overall, Two Time won't trust you at first. But overtime, they'll think you're like a deity or something similar, which is where they'll let you do whatever you want with them. (And where their obsession slowly starts.)

⭐️

CHANCE (canonically uses he/they!)

Chance is.....confused by all of this.

Chance was the third person to notice Noob's weird behavior. Overtime, they also noticed Two Time being...more in La La Land as well.

Chance just shrugs it off. Eh, he just thinks both of them are generally paranoid, and doesn't think too much about it.

HOWEVER, something weird happened to Chance today. When a new round started, they felt something.....odd in their body.

They felt warm, but a type of warmth that is....controlling his movements.

.......Ooooookay. This is weird.......... DEFINITELY weird.

Chance is caught off guard by this, and while some type of force is making him go to who knows what, his mind is jumbled.

Bro is CONFUSED, BEWILDERED, SURPRISED. He's having profound feelings of confusion.

They would be a teeny tiny bit scared at first, because, WOAH, HOLY SHIT, WHAT IS GOING ON????

But eventually, they would become....curious about this force.

Not only do they feel this type of warmth, but they also hear a voice as well......the voice's too muffled. Chance thinks it's probably his luxurious headphones, so he takes them off. The voice's still too muffled, damn. (You definitely noticed Chance taking off their headphones. You immediately go suspicious. Is your mind playing tricks on you or was this just a new animation apart of the new update that the developers forgot to mention?)

I feel like Chance would be the most calm about this. His canon personality type is ENFP, and ENFPs are usually social and open-minded, so I definitely see Chance wanting to know more about you. He doesn't think of you as a scary individual, and yea sure, he may be a little bit on edge, but he feels like you don't seem to be a bad person, which is why Chance becomes interested in you.

Chance would try to communicate with you by looking at the screen and giving you a smirk......which you immediately close your laptop.

Chance feels the warmth disappear, he feels like that one Spongebob meme that has a teardrop, while you on the other hand, feel like you're going insane.

Welp, guess he's gotta find a way to talk to you without making you feel scared.

He wonders if you'll like his pet bunny, Spade.

Overall, the most chill about this situation. He wants to interact with you more.

[rotagnus]

love/self-growth in march !! 🫐

my usual pick a pile is here, darlings. pick just as usual--if it doesn't speak to you, don't force yourself to choose. there are messages for you that lie elsewhere.

this reading deals with both platonic, familial, and romantic love. don't expect to get a certain aspect of love or the result you want.

-1. ooouu you're a bright person. probably very creative with a tendency to get stuck within your own head. as for love in march, i think that this month will focus on a connection that already exists. maybe you've been working on self-love, and that's what's growing. for some of you, you've adopted a pet recently and that connection is going to grow stronger. if you're crushing on someone right now, there probably won't be any change except for your feelings growing stronger. my advice to you is to decenter this because if you focus completely on that, it'll be really terrible. you are so full of beauty and flame and wonder, and you should harness this energy and create beauty, not look for it elsewhere. time will bring you everything. you deserve a love which knows no bounds, and whether this person is it or not, you must first find that love within. i know a lot of you don't want to hear this, but it's the truth. i would highly suggest trying to talk to this person, though--to find out what they really are. ask deep questions if you're already on a talking basis with them, if not--try to make a friend.

-2. now baby tell me why you've given up on love. it seems to be a sour topic for you that you shy away from. you've done a lot of self-growth in the past ~6 months, and you're farther along on your self-discovery journey than either of these two piles are. for you, you try not to love. a lot of the times, you feel like you are still unseen. this month will bring change to that. i'm not sure what kind of change, i can't exactly tell, but you'll feel a bit more seen than you did before. this may be to personal circumstances, or maybe another person does something--even a simple action--and you realize that, damn, maybe i really am seen. this month will deal with opening up a little bit more to let the love flow in. lol, for pile 1, it's not really time for love, but for you it is; but you've closed all doors to any possible encounters with love. 🤣 listen, i highly suggest doing some exercises for your vulnerability. it's a great step forward, and i think that it could benefit you. if a person comes into your life, let them. but don't be scared to set boundaries and not settle for less.

-3. you have rose-colored glasses, darling. now, don't take this the wrong way. it can be a very great thing, being idealistic--you at your heart are a ruthless optimist and honestly, a little bit naive. you've been dealing with both ups and downs, this past couple of months. there's been some trouble in your family, and in your love life. you're always the one making ends meet in order to benefit mass sums of people. you're awfully responsible and confident, but you're still...you. you still need rest. i feel like most of you are women--babies, you do NOT need to be the men in the relationship, if you're a masculine woman, disregard this. but for a lot of you, you're stuck in this disbalanced masculine energy. i don't really like talking about the divine feminine and divine masculine and whatnot, but for you i feel like it's important. girl, put yourself FIRST. i promise you there's a man/woman/person out there who's gonna bring you flowers every damn day of the week, you just gotta put yourself first. start to say NO. you might meet someone new in march. someone unexpected. i know you've been taught that change is bad, but in this case, just wait a little bit. baby steps, darling. baby steps.

[utilitycaster]

I really appreciate your thorough breakdowns of this campaign's end, because I fell off of watching live back in summer 2023 (personal reasons), and though I kept myself pretty up-to-date with subsequent events I eventually started thinking "I'll come back when interesting things start happening" and I just never seemed to find that point. Good to know I'm far from the only one pretty displeased with how things apparently left off.

To throw in my two cents, I think you're spot-on with your impression of what kind of people those who think this was a narratively satisfying ending are. Specifically, I think it's coming from the type of people who find certain characters (I'm sure you can guess who) extremely relatable—difficult childhood, and/or early adulthood trauma, and/or were taken advantage of in grief—but refuse to acknowledge the fact that recovering from these things requires choosing to personally put in effort to do so. They want these characters to be handed a perfect happy ending, no work required, no matter what, and so when those of us who find that unsatisfactory dare to voice that opinion it's a personal attack on them saying that they don't deserve to be handed joy without working for it, because if their favorite characters can have it, so should they. (Because fiction is reflective of reality, so clearly that's what that means, I guess.) It's frustrating because I'd had high hopes for Imogen and Laudna's story in the beginning of the campaign, but there was a point where I just couldn't put up with their deliberate stagnation anymore. Definitely could have been psychologically interesting, though.

(And, just to be perfectly clear, this isn't a dig at anyone in the cast or anything—I suspect this was a case of too much ambition from previous success leading to less careful planning all around. I'm admittedly not super clear on exactly what the deal was with all the gods in the finale, though, so it's entirely possible I'm missing something major.)

Thanks! And yeah that does really feel like it in the end. Like, it is a campaign that seems to mainly be enjoyed by excuse-makers who want there to be a reason why it's right and proper to enjoy it and that criticizing it is inherently bad and wrong. Like, sorry man, if you see a post in the wild from someone you've never seen before indicating a character you relate to is stagnant and childish and your response isn't to say "well, I believe that's untrue, I'll make my own post about this" or "I don't like this so I'll block them" or "hmmmm maybe they are stagnant and childish, but they are relatable for other reasons, which are:" but instead to complain to them about how they are judging you, a random person they've never spoken to, you are the problem! You are the one feeling judged by a stranger who doesn't know you exist and who has no power to do anything beyond say something mean to you, and instead of going "wait this doesn't fucking matter" you are demanding the world bend around you to your will, and playing the victim when the world says "lmao no."

Like, again, no one is actually defending the campaign meaningfully. They're coming up with excuses why they can't or they're coming up with incorrect reasons why critique is impermissible (that fortunately no one is listening to) - that it's improv, that it's happy, that people aren't couching their posts sufficiently in This Is Only My Opinion (this is not how reviews/crit works, eg this AV Club article on the Severance premiere does not have Saloni Gajjar say "this is only my opinion" at the top because anyone who is smart enough to engage with media criticism in the first place doesn't need to be told this; there is a reason we are treating people with disdain and that's because the very act of being bothered by people phrasing criticism without This Is Only My Opinion is an immediate sign you are, in fact, not smart enough to get on this ride). It's the same with the characters. They want something to have suffered enough to be beyond criticism, and the rest of the fandom has (correctly) rejected that paradigm entirely, and they have no way to counter anything head on.

And as for Imogen and Laudna...while I think many things in the campaign were flaws that went beyond them, they certainly were at the heart of several, and I think had their relationship been a genuine slowburn - had Laudna rejected Imogen and remained mad in episode 65, as Laura outright expected - it might have been something worth our while.

I do think the bulk of...not even blame, simply responsibility, rests on Matt, and I do think it's mostly stretched thin/burnout/not realizing how this concept required much more work than past campaigns did, and again, I don't hold it against the cast (their live show in Philly this December was great, the CRF one-shot was fun, the Assassin's Creed one-shot was fun, and EXU Divergence has been stellar) but yeah it didn't work very well.

[krshitsuji]

why i firmly believe o!ciel's name shouldn't be revealed

i really wanted to make my pov in this topic public in a way, which is why i'm making this post.

i see a lot of people wishing his name would be revealed sooner, or creating theories over what it is - but i personally believe us finding it out would be poor writing and also inconvenient for pretty much everyone, even for kuroshitsuji's team marketing wise.

- plot weakening

he said it himself: "Earl Ciel Phantomhive is me".

O!Ciel might not truly be Ciel Phantomhive, but he is the man Ciel was supposed to become. At the very least, that was his goal. The Earl, the Queen's Watchdog, brave, strong, respected.

In the story, Ciel Phantomhive is not just a name - it is an identity, a concept, and more specially, a ROLE, in which R!Ciel did not live to take. Him being called that name is much more symbolic than one may think. In a storytelling point of view, his name being revealed would only make sense if he no longer fulfilled said role, but his win over R!Ciel is definitely implied.

To O!Ciel, his name is more like a deadname that represents the person he left behind the day he decided to become earl and live to get his vengeance.

To reveal his true identity would more to break a beautiful, poetic and philosophically background that has been created for almost two decades now. You know what's also been happening for two decades? People calling O!Ciel... Ciel.

- From a fan POV

Ciel is our main protagonist. We have been knowing him for quite a while now and we have always called him that name. Now, imagine what it would be like if 90% of kuro related media, posts and even art became outdated because now we found out his name is, like... Bobbert.

O!Ciel is Ciel. He has been Ciel. He should keep being Ciel. A name is obviously a big part of a brand, and losing the brand of the main protagonist is not acceptable. It would honestly just be confusing and overall inconvenient for everyone. Me, personally, I will keep calling him Ciel until I can't call him anything anymore because I am dead and buried.

Your post talking about your Ciel cosplay? No babe that's wrong. That's your Bobbert costume.

That would be okay with a side character, but he's our protagonist. As I've mentioned before, it's even bad for Yana and the series marketing in general, since merchandise and official products and campaigns would also become outdated. It's not a Ciel nendoroid, it's a Bobbert nendoroid. Like, what do you mean by that? And she can't say his name without expecting people to call him that. Most moderate case scenario we have a confusing situation of him having two different names.

But like... How can we even dodge that?

Problem is, I have NO IDEA how Yana could dodge having someone, especially his family, call him by his real identity. They know he's not Ciel - the world does. Why would they ever keep calling him that?

I honestly don't think she's going to reveal his name, but I also have no idea how she's escaping that. I fear it may need a plot twist or really big event in order to happen.

I don't even know how to finish this. I don't think anyone will read. get cieled i guess

[digitallhell]

i literally never said it was some evil thing he did. perhaps i think it is, perhaps not. but on the post, all i said was that trump removed it from whitehouse.gov, which is a fact. i will not be emailing because you are correct. there are plenty of other places in which i can find the constitution. besides, i have my own copy downloaded now. i dont need the constitution on whitehouse.gov. it was just an observation i made that it was now missing from it.

i never claimed to be a "giant of intellectual honesty." im just some kid on the internet. im just saying, if a lot of people think you did a nazi salute, which i think we both agree is a horrible thing to do, then wouldn't you clarify? yes, he said "my heart goes out to you" but i mean afterwards. after all chaos and arguments such as this one we're having right now. wouldn't you apologize and clarify that that was NOT your intention? he literally never denied it. that's what worries me.

does this not concern you? you're denying he did the salute, so i'm assuming that you agree that being a nazi is very bad and you say he didn't do it because you believe he is not a very bad person. but why did he make jokes about this? i know some people believe "dark humor" can include things like this (i don't, i think this is most definitely going too far, but the whole dark humor conversation is a debate for another time) but even if you're one to excuse these kinds of jokes, this is NOT the time. he's worked his way into politics, he's a politician now. a US politician holding as much power as he does is not supposed to go online and make nazi puns when accused of being a nazi.

i'm going to sleep now, since it's quite late for me. assuming you're also in a timezone in the us, it's either 2, 3, 4, or 5am for you (unless you're in hawaii or alaska which is pretty cool honestly). i'll probably block you in the morning because i really don't care enough to continue this argument. it's that easy, yknow, especially on tumblr. if someone's posts annoy you, you can block them! nobody takes it personally here. i really do hope you are right in the end and all my fear is for nothing. if that does happen, i will apologize to you personally. have a great night, a great weekend, and a happy president's day because that's coming up on monday :)

i have a folder in my computer called "just in case" where i have important documents saved, like the constitution (since trump REMOVED IT from whitehouse.gov) and books that might get banned

im obviously going to add more, if anyone has any reccomendations please let me know. just wanted to share because i think its a good idea going into these next 4+ years.

EDIT i've also added a clip of elon doing the nazi salute because its taken down a lot of places and likely will be removed everywhere. as well as screenshots of what happened when you searched "presidents in order" (it did not show biden) and "president from 2020-2024" (it showed trump) but have since been fixed

[hunkygreenbean]

The fact that there are mfs with the nads to talk about "AfAb PrIvEleDGE" in the comments of my Sam Nordquist post disgusts me to my very soul. A human being, with a family, dreams, hobbies, a job, friends, was taken from this world in a very slow cruel way, who just so happened to be a trans man. And all you little shit stains care about is using this as an opportunity to further demean trans men. If this was a trans woman who was victimized and trans men + their supporters were doing and saying the same shit y'all are saying right now, mfs would be doxxed, inboxes flooded, accounts banned.

The reason why we don't have that many stats on IPV or murders of trans men is because they are recorded as female. If Sam's family hadn't already filed a missing person's report that specified that he was transgender and if they had never come forward when his body was recovered, chances are he would have been written off as a cis woman.

People are dying, dead, and more are going to die in the coming years as a result of Trump 2.0. If you're sitting here and claim that there's some magic privilege trans men get because of their genitals or gender, then you need to sit down and reevaluate your beliefs. Trans men are still at risk for discrimination, violence, rape, kidnapping, and torture just as trans women are. Patriarchy doesn't differentiate between flavors of transness, we're all faggot degenerate trannies to the system. Transness is in inherent opposition to patriarchy. Genitals or gender identity do not make someone ontologically evil and bad. Good fucking grief, never in my life did I think I'd need to constantly dumb down basic intersectionality and solidarity and repeat it over and over again in the year 2025, but here we fucking are!

We've gone through so many of these phases where we attack another queer group for the most inane shit imaginable. When will you little fucks finally unpack your internalized fascism?? When will you finally kill the cop in your head??? It better be soon, because shit is only gonna get worse from here. Will "AFAB privilege" still exist when we're all in camps?

A man that was part of our community has died. Can you swallow your pride and come together with the rest of us to support his family and the rest of our community for five fucking seconds??? Jfc.

EDIT: It has come to my attention that the person who originally made the post in my comments actually supports trans men and made that comment sarcastically. I have apologized to this person, however I do feel that this post should remain up. Transandrophobia is still a real issue that must be combatted. I reacted so strongly because I live with and am very close friends with a trans man. I see how this strain of "feminism" has harmed him. These beliefs have tangible effects irl. I know somewhere out there, on Tumblr or elsewhere, there are people making light of Sam's death because of his AGAB and gender identity. I know its happening because I've seen this movie a million times. Y'all clown on trans men + mascs whenever they try to speak up on the minor stuff they face, so it would not be a big leap for folks to throw around "theyFAB" or other horrible slurs for this person. Tranandrophobes and excorsexists downplayed and mocked the death of Nex Benedict, so it would not surprise me if the same thing was happening in their little forums with Sam Nordquist.

[maxdibert]

Personal view, as someone who grew up in an abusive environment and is hyper-reactive to seeing children in distress or being mistreated by adults, including in fictional depictions, I never felt the kids in Harry Potter were in any danger from Snape. He’s bitchy and snarky, yes. But no more so than other teachers in Hogwarts. And from what I’ve experienced in the fandom, a lot of Snape fans are abuse survivors in some shape or form. He’s a complex character, and unlike a lot of fictional abuse survivors, he can actually be angry and rage. It’s very cathartic for people who have had to mask and suppress their negative emotions in real life.

It's curious how most Severus fans tend to be survivors of bullying or people who see themselves reflected in him because they went through similar experiences in school, or people who have experienced violence at home. Meanwhile, the haters are simply kids who have a terrible teacher and project that onto Snape, so they hate him.

If we're going to play the "I had terrible teachers, so I know how it feels" card, then I can use that too. Not only did I have terrible teachers—so bad that what they did was absolutely reportable and punishable—but in university, I even had professors who LITERALLY made students cry with their critiques. And yes, I’m very angry with those teachers. Even though I wasn’t always a direct victim, thinking about the teachers from my old school fills me with rage. And yes, whenever I’ve run into some of them on the street, I’ve made sure to say something to them in a super passive-aggressive way.

But the thing is, I don’t see any of them in Severus. Not a single one.

Severus has always reminded me of a literature teacher I had in my last years of school. He was a guy who taught classes to make some money while finishing his university doctorate—clearly, his goal was to be a researcher or teach at a university level. And you could tell from a mile away that he HATED having to teach teenagers. But hey, the school paycheck was good, right? I’m not going to blame him for that. The thing is, he had a degree in Philosophy and Literature and had a level way above that of a regular high school teacher.

I remember he was young. At the time, he seemed like an old man to me because when you're 16, anyone over 20 seems ancient, but he probably wasn’t even 35 yet. The thing is, he had no patience for nonsense. He hated childish antics in class, got annoyed by dumb questions, and if he explained something and someone asked the exact same thing two minutes later, he would clearly get irritated. I remember once a kid told him he had just read the latest Dan Brown novel, and this guy, with the most cunty smirk, said, "Well, I wouldn't know about that, Mr. X. I don't read mass-market literature." And it was like… lol why so mean? But I found it hilarious.

He was the only teacher who called us by our last names and never used informal speech, which was shocking to us because it never happened with other teachers. He rarely attended staff meetings or team dinners (a teacher who was actually abusive and spent entire classes physically humiliating 15-year-olds used to complain about that a lot). You almost never saw him interacting with other teachers because, honestly, I’ve always had the feeling that he thought his colleagues were idiots—and I don’t blame him. If I worked with that bunch today, I’d think they were idiots too.

Now, this guy was strict. Very strict. If you got a 4.9, he wasn’t giving you a 5, because you didn’t get a 5. He wasn’t going to be nice to you unless he thought it was strictly necessary. He wasn’t going to be warm, he wasn’t going to be friendly, he wasn’t going to be funny. He despised mainstream literature and bestsellers, believed certain books were absolute garbage, and thought people who only read that kind of stuff didn’t actually understand literature and lacked the braincells for it. You could agree or disagree with him, but his behavior wasn’t abusive.

Was he sometimes too blunt? Did he have incredibly sharp, sometimes unpleasant responses? Yes. And, funnily enough, this teacher was widely disliked precisely because he was one of the strictest ones. He was hated even more than the guy who groped female students or the one who called kids fat, gave them weight-loss tips, and told girls they dressed like prostitutes if they wore certain tops. But those guys used informal speech, gave you a 5 if you got a 4.6, and weren’t that strict, so people didn’t hate them as much.

That’s why Severus always reminded me of this guy. Ironically, I really liked him because I appreciated his sardonic, sharp humor, and he appreciated that I had read One Hundred Years of Solitude at 12 lol. But above all, he liked that, even though I never paid attention in his classes because I physically couldn’t focus on a lecture for more than 10 minutes, I never disrupted anything. I never got caught talking, never caused trouble—I was just drawing my stuff or reading things unrelated to the lesson, but I wasn’t bothering anyone.

And honestly, I think that’s all Severus wanted from his students: for them not to be a pain in his ass. And if he was an even bigger jerk to some, it was precisely because they got on his nerves the most.

The Weasley twins were total chaos and constantly acting like fools, yet they never have a bad word to say about Snape throughout the saga besides that he was kinda mean sometimes. Why is that? Maybe because they didn’t put the whole class in danger? Maybe because, while they were insufferable in the hallways, they knew they had to tone it down in Potions?

Only two people have a real problem with Severus as a teacher throughout the saga: one is Harry, who disrespects him from day one, constantly challenges him, talks back, breaks the rules, and does exactly the opposite of what Severus tells him. The other is Neville, who basically exists to give Severus seven consecutive nervous breakdowns in a single class.

That doesn’t make you an abuser—it makes you an adult who is sick to death of two pain-in-the-ass kids.

[mechanical-sunchild]

Here's the thing, if you're misanthropic because of a trauma response I absolutely sympathise with you. I have very specific hatred of very specific traits which I won't list here which I know are benign but my brain treats with disgust, fear and caution.

Please. If you must talk about your misanthropy. If you need to get it out, to vent, to post for catharsis don't cross tag any alterhuman tags.

That's literally all we're asking. The still human/partially human amongst us don't want to hear it. Those of us who still like humans despite not being one don't want to hear it. It causes us distress and upset to hear it. Your catharsis should not be harming others.

Nobody can tell you how to deal with your trauma even if they don't think it's right, but you can avoid a lot of butting heads with people in the alterhuman community if you don't post your misanthropy in the tags and endeavour to talk about it only with those who consent to hear it.

You don't get a free pass to cause others distress because of your trauma even if you're convinced that 'all humans have done something bad'.

Tl;dr Your trauma response is valid and doesn't make you a bad person, you can post what you want on your blog but as a common courtesy and to not distress others do not cross tag general alterhuman tags. Most of us don't want to see it, no matter your reason for it and there's a good many posts explaining why which I'm sure you've seen.

[gangstalkerbarbie]

You're not a god, technically. A god is one of them big ones, the extraterrestrials, see?

You, like everything else in the world, were born here; your beginning is not before time and outside the world. Not a god. You're a daimon. It's a common misconception.

Still, in the space of that misconception there's honest work.

You're not sure the council upstairs (if it's even a council anymore) pays much attention to most of mortalkind, really, otherwise there wouldn't have to be witches to do work scholars are jealous of, but doesn't someone have to?

Sometimes the ones that do enough of it become angels. Sometimes the ones that do something better than anyone else become... well, just what is Silence, actually? Is that still what he goes by? When he was Death All-Devouring he had a few more teeth, you think.

Anyway: when official channels fatfinger a prayer, you have to know, and it's just sort of the case, ethically speaking, that you're to do something about it. Even if only to keep up the illusion that the world-machine works. That's kind of a duty incumbent on all of you immortals, these days. Just until the big boss ... well, the big boss cannot be said to ever be doing or thinking or going to do or think anything, so you're not sure where that was going.

And that's why you're here at this wedding — because a hundred, two hundred years ago they realised the big kahuna might not be listening, deep down, somewhere, and so now you are the wight of the marriage bed. Some say the angel. They're not sure. You're not sure either; you have perhaps a dot more free will than angels tend to, but you find yourself doing a lot of angelic kinda work.

Is the Immanence here, like She's supposed to be? Doctrinally (you are a daimon, you don't really care about doctrine outside the mechanics of your own existence) She doesn't fuck with mixed marriages, but She also conveniently is present every time two men talk about lofty matters, yes, even if they're talking objectively heinous anti-sense about women and children and beasts. So, you know. It's kind of touch and go here. Is mixed marriage more bad than womanhatred? Very important scholars debate the issue even now. Six thousand years of debate have yielded the answer 'yeah idk probably'. You cannot perceive the Immanence. You wouldn't know.

You do, however, know the future, and in the next thousand years, thankfully, they will perfect the shaping arts and learn to make men into women, and maybe they'll all be women then, what the hell. It's an optimistic thought. The other immortals kind of snicker at you and tell you to go look forward at what they do with chymics, self-made new forms of life, in that future, and what they themselves go mad with pain and grief and loneliness and do, for which reason you kind of don't want to.

You might go and listen in on some of those last debates instead, except, again: wedding.

To your profound disappointment, this wedding expects to make you co-in-laws, sort of, with a small unfriendly god, one of the daimons that really believes in it, waves their essence around. This is... about to get really annoying.

You actually don't even dislike Sowulo. Everything you know about them boils down to the fact that they've been experimenting with themself after their mortal followers degendered them — that's the trouble with the overreliant ones, the essence moulds to the understanding of the souls they shepherd and then you end up in no end of annoying circumstances. This would be why personally you've never investigated what gender you're supposed to be. Less for your people to contradict that way. Maybe you predate gender, how's that for a thought exercise? (You don't; you were born in the middle of the Age of Chitin; they don't have to know you're something smaller and duller wearing an old god's pelt.)

And, well, it's just... they're a little weird? OK. They're a lottle weird. You are pretty sure they are, like, super mega ultra weird. The situation is like this: their people, their little guys, they used to be these peaceful cattle nomads. Then the Aeon of Sails and the Great Industrialisation, and the dire circumstances that led them into the ghettos, and so on — and somewhere in that transition, the travelling spirit of the warmth of the sun that was their constant companion came into conflict with the new State doctrine that the stars are unfeeling miasmas of incandescent plasma. (Is that doctrine? That's how you understand most things. You're not sure of the semantics.)

So now: degendered, deprived of influence, a cold light, not a warm one. Invoked, at best, at afterbirth burials, confirmations, weddings, cremations, premarital haircuttings, housewarmings, slaughters, and for the end of winter when it dies under their hand. They're annoying and dangerous and haggard and raw-voiced as a hungry buzzard because they are starving, because they have lost themself, because they don't remember what they used to be and they don't know what they want to be now.

Sometimes a ship launches from the harbour of this city, and you are there because you have one of your people to look after, and they look out at you from shore, forlorn, jealous, abandoned, so hungry. So hungry. Mourning something they half remember, something they are convinced you have. That's why they incite their sophonts to kill yours, maybe. You wouldn't know. You've never asked. You're busy doing your job, keeping those sophonts safe.

They envy you your vitality. They wish they knew what they were. They think you know what you are, and they want you to get off your inconceivably tall high horse.

You're not on a high horse. You just are, and you try to make sure your sophonts can just be, too. But Sowulo doesn't know that.

Sowulo knows that their people are small and broken and scattered, and that each wedding with any other people weakens them — weakens the people and weakens their god.

Sowulo hates you.

And, like, you don't really play favourites, all mortals are the same to you deep down, but you understand that there is a Teensy Weensy little problem, perhaps, with the favourite son of their most warlike clan's Great Chanter running away from home to elope with a witch-midwife from beyond the Pale. Not because she's yours, but that doesn't make it better. Her own huntedness and fear and old pain doesn't do anything for the situation either. Sowulo doesn't understand yet that suffering is a universal condition of settled life.

Your marriage priest, a jolly little roundish woman in veils against the interference of spirits with her work, pounds her cowhide drum and begins her chant. Sowulo's shakes his solar rattle, completely unaware that his god is seething in the rafters of the fane. Are you going to have to save his life, then, before the sun is up? This is going to be a very long, unnecessarily laborious, and probably also very interesting night.

You are a god whose most devout follower is marrying your rival God’s follower. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem except you both are asked to bless the union, and for that both of you must attend.

[runningincircl3s]

Nothing Ever After

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Vinny Mauro

The End- Part Two

chapter warning: get the tissues x masterlist

we're finally here. it's the end! i feel like a proud parent and this is my child... but happy valentines day guys!! i spent most of the day adding the finishing touches to this and even though i'm still not completely happy with it i want to post it anyway!! i've also been getting really invested in the next thing i'm working on... which will be revealed on monday :) also for the final chapter i thought i'd share my playlist that i'd have on whilst writing

← Post •••

@/MotionlessInWhiteTea:

Why I think Y/n Y/l/n shouldn’t be working in the scene, a thread

Disclaimer: The majority of this is simply rumours, but there is also photo evidence. Personally I think she has been acting very unprofessionally during this tour and I haven’t seen anyone talk about it. So here’s what I have to say.

Your throat dried up, the world around you stopped moving, yet you felt dizzy. This wasn't real, was it?

1/7 First of all, she only got this job because of her connections to Bad Omens- being friends with Bryan. Not because of her skill level or because she’s a good photographer (debatable). I bet she hassled them until she got what she wanted

2/7 Now what I really want to talk about is her unprofessional relationships with the bands. There’s been a picture circulating of her kissing Vinny (miw) at what appeared to be a family party? His family’s party. Why was she even there? [insert picture]

3/7 But this isn’t all, look at the dress she’s wearing in that photo, and then this one [insert picture of you and Noah and the record label party] it’s the same dress. This means people can't say "maybe it was someone who looks like her?" No. it WAS HER

4/7 And even just LAST NIGHT, she was spotted with Noah at a concert, I’ve seen pictures, everyone’s seen the pictures. I’ve also been told by multiple people she was even seen kissing and making out with him towards the end of the show? WHAT THE HELL

5/7 She seems really close with Vinny, have you seen the way she lights up when she talks about him in the interview she did at the festival they played at? and she made excuses to talk about him? They’re always spending time together, and if you looked closely in the background of this picture Vinny posted on his story, he was in his hotel room but you can clearly see her stuff on the bed. I can only assume this means they’ve been sleeping together? [insert picture]

6/7 A lot of people have been speculating, saying she’s been seen leaving hotel rooms with Noah and Vinny on separate occasions, do they know about this? Or is she just the band’s shared groupie who happens to own a camera?

7/7 I really don’t think this is very professional and it needs addressing. She needs to sort this out before even considering a career in the scene- if she’ll have a career since this will forever be haunting her. And, I for one will not be listening to the bands who choose to support her!

You couldn't believe what you were reading.

Everything you had been hiding for weeks, months, was just out there. On the internet.

“Fuck, y/n have you seen this?” Ricky rushes over in a panic, showing you the same post, but you can’t say anything. You don't react.

You swallow hard, standing up from your chair in an attempt to leave, but that was made impossible.

“What’s going on?” Noah asks, rather concerned as comes up behind you, putting an arm around your shoulder.

He catches a glimpse of the picture of you kissing Vinny on Rick’s phone. You feel Noah’s body stiffen all of a sudden, and you turn to look up at him with tears in your eyes, you swallow back the lump in your throat as you shake your head. 

“Noah…” 

“No." He lets go of you. "Ricky, can I?” He nods to his phone, and Rick hands it over to Noah.

You stand there frozen as he scrolls through the post. You hear his breathing become heavier, rougher, the more he read. You could feel the anger, the betrayal, the disappointment almost radiating off of him.

In a desperate attempt, you reach out for him, stumbling over your words.

“I... I can explain…” You stuttered. 

“Oh, you can?” Noah raised his eyebrows, looking down at you with an expression you had never seen on him before, “What the fuck is there to explain?!”

“But…”

“No!” He shouted, and you could see his eyes fill with tears, “I knew it all along. I fucking knew it!" He scoffed, a humourless laugh falling from his lips, "You’ve been lying to me. For three goddamn months?! And this is how I find out?!"

There was nothing you could do, nothing you could say.

"And you had the fucking audacity to tell me you loved me last night? Was that just a lie too? Huh?”

“No!” You sobbed, covering your mouth with your hand, “I was going to tell V-”

“I don’t care. I don't fucking care! I trusted you. Y/n, I trusted you. You know exactly how my last relationship ended, and you still do this to me? If that isn’t the biggest fuck you then I don’t know what is.” 

“Can I please have a chance to explain-”

“No! Nothing you can do or say will fix the fact that you’ve been screwing him the entire time we’ve been together!”

“Hey,” Angela piped up, “The two of you were never actually together.”

“That’s not the point, and stay out of this, this is between us." Noah points at you, "You have told me time and time again that there was nothing going on between you and Vin, you were insisting you were just friends, but you were just lying straight to my face! The both of you! I was stupid enough to believe you because I loved you!” 

“Noah, I was scared!” You cry, “It wasn't meant to happen and then... I couldn't stop and... I was scared I’d lose you if you found out! I didn't want-” 

“So I wasn’t good enough for you?” He scoffed, throwing his head back in anger, running a shaky hand through his hair, “I wasn’t enough?”

“No! Noah, please, can we go somewhere else and talk about this?”

“No. You’ve said enough. You've done enough.” He said, shaking his head. You watch a stray tear roll down his cheek, and you feel your heart break into a million pieces. “We’re done, whatever we are, whatever you thought we were, it’s over. I’ve spent years protecting myself from this, because this isn’t the first time I’ve been lied to like this, and you know it. I can’t believe you.”

And with that, he took his keys and left. You wanted to chase him out, follow him and apologise, but your legs wouldn't take you, leaving you to cry your heart out in Angela’s arms. 

“What the fuck was that?” Ryan asked, as the others all stared.

"I think the party's over." Rick sighed, "We'll be lucky if the tour isn't over."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

@/badomensofficial

We regret to announce that, due to personal circumstances within the band, we will not be performing for the last two nights of the Touring The End of The Concrete Jungle Tour. We are so sorry to be announcing this on the date of one of the shows, but this decision was incredibly difficult, but it is necessary for us to prioritise the well-being of our members at this time.

We deeply apologise to everyone who was looking forward to seeing us and appreciate your understanding and support. Motionless in White will be playing as scheduled, but we won't be there.

We’ll be back as soon as we can to make it up to you, but in the meantime we’re also working on our next record. We will see you again, friends. 

With love,

Nicholas, Jolly and Folio 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You stared at the post through swollen eyes, having been up most of the night crying again. After Noah left the party, he didn't answer his phone, he hasn’t replied to anybody’s texts, and nobody knew where he had gone. 

He was kind enough to dump your bags outside the venue, from the night before. You collected them as Shae drove you to the hotel after Rick called off the party.

You couldn’t believe what happened that night, the majority of it felt like a blur, you barely remember what the tweet said, but you had to sign out of all your accounts because the messages you were receiving weren’t the kindest, and you weren't in the best place to be reading them.

Your plans for the future, to move in with Noah, was seemingly thrown out of the window, you were so glad you didn’t tell Andy you were backing out.

You were back to square one again, wondering if this was really what you wanted. 

As you rolled over in your bed again to charge your phone, you hear a knock at your door. You didn’t want to answer it, you didn’t want to face anybody today. 

“Y/n! I know you’re awake!” It was Angela, “And I know this is your room!”

Sighing, you got out of bed and opened the door for her. 

“What’s up?” You asked as she carefully shut the door behind her. 

“What’s up is I just walked in on an old guy screwing his wife! I thought your room was on the fourth floor and the door was slightly open so-“

“Angela,” you frowned, “I know you came to check up on me, I’m okay. I just need some space.”

“Oh… That’s okay!” She smiled, “I wanted to check up on you, nobody's heard from you yesterday and you just left so suddenly that night, I had to fill Vinny in on what happened so expect a visit from him when he finally wakes up.”

“Great.” You frown, “Did the guys… Say anything?”

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“Do they all hate me?” You felt your bottom lip quiver as you asked her, and her eyes softened as she pulled you in for a hug. 

“No! Of course not!” She reassured you, “All the Motionless guys are on your side, baby, you and Noah weren’t exclusive, therefore you were allowed to see other people. Bad Omens however… Jolly’s pretty pissed off, and Bryan.”

“Bry?”

“They don’t want to see their friend hurt.” She explains, stroking your hair, “They’ll come around eventually. The rest don’t really care, it’s none of their business anyway.”

“How’s Vin?” You ask.

“What do you mean?”

“Does he feel guilty too? He was in on it, he lied to Noah for me.”

“I think so- What’s that?” She asked, looking over at your phone on the nightstand.

“Bad Omens have pulled out.” You frown, “There’s only two nights left, I'm guessing Noah's gone off the rails or something.”

“Shit, really? I hope he’s okay, he was in quite a state.”

“I know, Ang. It keeps me up, he’s all I can think about…” You sigh, “I told him after the concert that I wanted us to really give it a go, I saw a future with him... I was going to tell Andy I couldn’t make the tour with them and-”

“Andy?” She furrowed her brows, “Andy as in…?”

“Andy from Black Veil.” You nodded, “When I went to the record label party with Noah and the guys I met him and he said he’s seen my work and wondered if I was available to come on tour with them in a few weeks.”

“What?” Her jaw dropped, “Does Vin know this?”

“No… I haven't had the chance to tell him yet.” You frown, “Why would it bother him?”

“Well…” She hesitated for a moment, “I think you should go and talk to him.”

“Why? What’s he said?”

“Nothing… I think he just…" She held her hands up in defeat, "I can’t, I promised I wouldn’t say anything.” 

You nodded your head, looking around the room for your hoodie. 

“Do you know what room he’s in?”

“216, him and Rick are sharing though which might be a problem.”

“I don’t care anymore, Ang, everything's out now, I’ve got nothing left to hide.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You knocked on Vinny’s hotel door, staring down at your feet as you waited for him to open it. 

“What are you doing here?” Ricky asked, surprised to see you.

“Can I speak to Vinny?” You asked, clearing your throat. 

“He’s in the shower,” Ricky said, opening the door for you, “I’m about to go out and get a coffee, I guess you can sit and wait for him.” 

“You guess?” You smiled faintly.

Ricky smiled back before slipping his shoes on. 

“Just don’t fuck on my bed, please. It’s all I ask.” 

“That’s not what I’m here for...” You shake your head, “I just wanted to talk to him after the other night.” 

“Has anyone heard from Noah yet?”

“No,” you shake your head, “And if they did I’m sure they wouldn’t tell me. Not even Bryan’s talking to me at the moment.” 

“Shit,” Rick frowned, “Look, if it’s any consolation, we’re on your side. You had every right to have fun and mess about with other people if you and Noah weren’t anything serious, I get he’s pissed about the lying though.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, it’s not me you need to apologise to,” he chuckled, “See you later.” 

“Bye, Rick.” 

You sat in silence for a couple minutes, waiting until you heard the shower turn off. You thought of what you would say to Vinny, what even was there to say?

“Oh, hi,” he smiled as he walked out of the bathroom, one towel wrapped around his hips as he dried his curls with another, “How are you doing?”

“Not too good,” you sigh, “You?”

“I feel awful.” 

“I just keep thinking to myself… What if I just kept it all professional? Why couldn’t I have just controlled myself? Now I’ve lost... Everyone!” You sob. 

“You haven’t,” his voice softened, “You’ve still got the guys, Angela... Me. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“But Vinny…” You look up at him through teary eyes, and he could tell where this was going. 

He shook his head. 

“No. No, don’t do this.”

“I've been thinking-"

"Don't you fucking..."

"You deserve better, Vinny.” You swallow hard, fighting back tears, “I’m so sorry… For everything I’ve put you through. You didn’t deserve it. You’re a great guy, you’re probably my favourite person I’ve ever met, you mean the world to me Vin, but I put you through hell and for what?”

“And I knew what I was getting into, fuck I’m getting deja vu here,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but to no avail, “I couldn’t have just ignored you, y/n. Not when I fell in love with you the first time I ever saw you. It would've been impossible.” 

“What?” 

“Wasn’t it obvious?” He chuckled. 

“I… Vinny... you…?”

“Remember that first night, the party, when I spilled your drink? I saw you and that guy, I was watching you two from across the room, and when I saw him lean in to kiss you…”

“That’s when you knocked into me.” It was like pieces of a puzzle were finally coming together in your brain. 

“Everything could’ve been totally different if that never happened, I never knew it would end like this, and if I could go back in time I'd change it all. I’m sorry.” 

“No, don’t apologise.” 

“I should, though. It’s my fault this all happened in the first place, y/n.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I knew Noah was into you. We all did. But that didn’t stop me, did it?”

You watched him shake his head.

“I watched him fall for you, I saw him with you everyday” Vinny admitted, voice shaking. “And I let it happen anyway. Because I- I was selfish, I couldn’t stop myself. Even when I told myself I should. Even when I knew what it would do to him. I knew it would tear everything apart.” His voice cracked, his eyes welling with tears. “But I did it anyway. Because I wanted you. God, I wanted you.”

Tears slipped down your cheeks as you whispered

“But I was the one who kissed you first.”

Vinny’s lips parted slightly, but he said nothing.

“I knew how I felt about Noah,” you continued, voice shaking. “And yet, I still couldn’t wrap my head around what I felt for you, I still can't now! It's something I’ve never felt before. Something I don't understand. It was new and exciting, and I loved every moment I’d spend with you,” You exhaled a shuddering breath. “Vin, I love everything about you.”

You got up and Vinny took a step closer, but you shook your head, pressing a trembling hand to his chest.

“And that’s what makes this so fucking cruel.”

His brows furrowed. 

“Y/N…”

Tears blurred your vision as you looked at him, memorising every detail, his parted lips, his glossy eyes, the crease between his brows.

“I love you,” you choked out. “And yet I still let myself hurt you.”

Vinny shook his head, reaching out to grab your wrist. 

“No. No, you didn’t-”

“I did,” you sobbed. “I did. I ruined everything. And I can’t fix it, Vin. I can’t. I don’t deserve to…" Your eyes met his, before whispering, "I don’t deserve you.”

His grip on you tightened. 

“Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that.”

Your chest ached with the weight of it all.

“Through everything, you were willing to stay by my side. Even when I had to push you away, you understood. No other man on this planet would’ve done that.” 

“It’s because I love you.” He said, almost pleading with you, “I realise now that I was willing to do whatever you wanted me to because I just wanted you to be happy. If that was with Noah, then I would’ve wished you two the best of luck. If you needed time, I was happy to wait. I would've waited as long as you needed, I just...”

“Vinny…” 

“No… I think I should give you your birthday gift now…”

You watched him dig through his suitcase before pulling out a small box. 

“I didn’t have time to wrap it or anything.” He apologised, handing it over to you as he quickly got dressed.

As you opened it, you felt your heart sink even further. 

It was a key. 

“Wh- What’s this for?” You ask, taking it out of the box. 

“It’s a key.”

“I can see that,” you laughed through your tears, “Where to?”

“My house.” He said, “This is going to sound so stupid to say out loud given everything that just happened, but I just assumed in the end you’d pick me over Noah. Just because… I thought if he really meant something to you then you’d drop me, but you never did. I’m sorry, it seems stupid now, but I was going to ask if after the tour finishes you’d maybe want to move in? I need a new roommate, and there’s nobody else I’d be able to live with besides you. And our photographer’s pretty much quit so I was going to suggest you join us full time.” 

“I can’t do this.” You say, shaking your head and heading for the door.

You still haven't told him.

“It’s not you Vin, I promise.”

Before you could go anywhere, he caught your wrist. 

“What do you mean?” His whole body went rigid.

“I’m so sorry, Vinny…” You forced yourself to swallow past the lump in your throat. “I- I’m going back on the road… with Black Veil Brides. In three weeks.”

His face fell.

His grip on your wrist slackened, and you could feel the moment his heart shattered.

“…You’re what?”

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you, Vin, I’m so sorry.” Your voice cracked. “I’m so, so sorry.”

You reached for him, desperate, but he took a slow step back, shaking his head.

For the first time since you’d met him, Vinny truly had nothing to say.

And somehow, that hurt more than anything.

“Vin?”

“How long have you known this?”

“...About a month.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me? Not once did it cross your mind?” He spat.

“I didn’t think it would matter.”

Vinny shook his head. 

“What happened to wishing me the best?” You raised an eyebrow, your voice quieter now, “This is my dream, Vinny. I’m sorry I didn’t consider you in it.” 

“No.” Vinny swallowed, nodding his head, “I’m sorry. I’m happy for you, it’s just a bit of a shock, that’s all. I’m so happy for you… I just wished you would’ve told me.” 

You smiled faintly. 

“I should’ve. I'm sorry.” You said, before reaching out for his hand. “You’re too good to me, Vinny. You've but nothing but good to me. Maybe in another life, another time, things would’ve been different. Maybe we would’ve met earlier, found each other sooner. Things would’ve been less complicated, I would’ve been able to give you my all.”

“W-We can still try.” Vinny offered, but you shook your head. 

“I think I need to clear my head first, Vin. It’s been nothing but chaos for the last three months, I need to clear my name and focus on my career and make that my main priority before anything else.”

“I’ll always be here for you, y/n.” He said, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb, you could tell this was a front, and he was holding back on his real emotions, “Whether it’s just as your friend, or more, I’ll always be here.” 

“Thank you.” You smiled, your voice breaking as he pulled you in for a hug. “Really, Vinny. Thank you.” 

The two of you pulled away, and you wiped the tears from your eyes. 

“So... Do you know what you're going to do about Noah?”

“Hm?”

“Are you going to try and fix things?”

“I want us to be on good terms, I want us all to be on good terms with each other. But I think it’ll take a while for him to come around. I hurt him really badly, I hurt both of you, and I understand that he needs space, it’s a lot for him to process.”

Vinny nodded his head. 

“Let things cool down first, that’s a good idea.” 

You stood there in front of him, a comfortable silence in the room. Until he he spoke again,

“Have you heard we’ve got a new song coming out?” Vinny asked, “I wrote it, or the majority of it.”

“No!” You raise an eyebrow, “What’s it called?” 

“I think we’ve decided on Nothing Ever After.” 

You furrow your eyebrows, but you don’t question it.

“Sounds cool, do you know when it's coming out?”

“At the end of the week, but we’re playing it tomorrow night for the first time… But there’s something I need you to know, and I don’t want to upset you at all.” 

“What is it?” 

“It’s kind of about us… About you.” 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

After going back to your room, you booked a flight home for that night, despite Vinny's attempts to keep you.

You said your goodbyes to all the guys, Angela, and Vinny, they still didn’t want to let you go, but they understood your decision.

"We'll miss you." Chris smiled, pulling you in for a hug, "I know you weren't originally supposed to be our photographer, but you've really done a great job."

"Thanks, Chris." You smiled, afraid to say anything to anyone else. Especially Vin.

Ryan drove you to the airport, which you thanked him for. It was even tough to say goodbye to him, and the two of you didn't even spend that much time together.

As you walked through the airport you were almost waiting to see Noah, you wouldn’t admit it, but you were wishing he’d come running in, call your name and you'd go running into his arms.

But there was nobody. Nobody to stop you, nobody to tell you this wasn’t how it was supposed to end.

You checked in, went through security, and found yourself sitting at the gate, staring at the stupid pet rocks Vinny had given you.

Your fingers curled around the one painted like him, gripping it so tightly your knuckles turned white. You had no idea what you were doing. If this was the right choice. If you were running away again.

Maybe in another life, you would’ve stayed.

Maybe in another life, you would’ve picked Vinny from the start.

Maybe in another life, Noah would’ve fought for you.

But in this one, you knew you had to let them both go.

Once you were sat in your seat, preparing to switch your phone off and sleep on the way home, you received a text. 

Hey, y/n! Hope you’re doing well! I’m so sorry to have to do this, but our management said we can’t take you with us on our upcoming tour due to the recent news about your relationships with members of the bands you’ve been working with. I just need you to know, this isn’t a decision I’ve made, I was against this as I would’ve loved you to join us, but it’s out of my control. I’m so sorry, y/n, but I wish you the best.

Stay in touch. Andy 

You felt like you had been shot in the chest.

As if things couldn’t get any worse.  

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“So, I was thinking… We should play the new song tomorrow. I know I said save it for the next tour but what do you think?” Vin asked as he wiped his arms down with a towel, trying to get off the remainder of his body paint before getting changed. “It’s the last night, let’s give ‘em something new.”

“I like your thinking.” Chris smiled, “But I also know what the true meaning behind this song is, even if you won’t admit it"

Vinny didn’t respond, just kept scrubbing at the black paint on his forearms.

"Are you sure you’re ready to put this out whilst everything’s still so raw?”

Vinny let out a slow exhale and shrugged.

“I don’t care, to be totally honest.” He finally met Chris’ gaze in the mirror. “Let them think what they want to think.”

Justin, who had been half-listening while scrolling on his phone, turned around.

“Wait. I know you helped write the song, but… is it really about her?”

Vinny tossed the towel into his laundry bag.

“Maybe.” He smirked, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Maybe not.”

Later that night, on the bus, he lied in his bunk with his phone in his hands, staring at your contact name.

He shouldn’t text you.

But he wanted to. Wanted to check if you got home safe. If you were okay. If you were happy, or as happy as you could be. He also wanted to give you a heads-up about tomorrow night. Maybe even ask for permission.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard before he finally gave in.

Hey, I hope you got home safe. Just know that while you’re sleeping happily in your own bed, I’m out here getting back pain from the bunks lmao.

We’re thinking about playing that new song tomorrow night. Would it be okay?

You walked into your bedroom after brushing your teeth, settling under the covers before reaching for your phone on the nightstand. You saw you had two messages from Vinny.

You hesitated before typing back.

Surely, I should be the first to hear it.

Vinny stared at your reply. His thumb hovered over the screen.

Should he?

You were gone. And for all he knew, he might never see you again.

He sighed, then hit send.

[1 Video Attachment]

I know my singing isn’t the best, but I recorded this the other week. I’ve been writing lyrics ever since I first felt I was losing you to Noah, not that you were ever mine to lose. At first, it was just random lines, but then I remembered we had that track from Illenium. Chris hadn’t worked on lyrics for it yet, so I showed him what I had. He loved it. So with his help, we turned it into something real.

Please don’t get mad. I just needed to get it out of my head.

…

The next day, you still hadn’t opened the video. Or even replied.

You couldn’t.

It sat there in your messages, taunting you. Every time you picked up your phone, your eyes flickered to the notification, to his name. But your thumb always hesitated, hovered, then swiped away.

Instead, you went about your day, throwing yourself into anything that could possibly serve as a distraction. You practically begged your manager to take you back, pleaded for any opportunity. You needed something for the meantime as you had been in contact with a few bands, asking about work, but deep down you knew the truth. No one would call. No one would offer you work.

Not after everything.

The entire scene knew by now, for all the wrong reasons. You weren’t a photographer anymore, you were a fucking scandal, a lesson to be learned, a warning of what not to do.

By the time you got home, you felt hollow. The weight of exhaustion pressed down on you, but you didn’t sleep, how could you? You stared at your ceiling, phone clutched in your hand, Angela’s texts illuminating the dark room.

He’s not okay.

You stared at the message for a long time.

I’ve never seen him like this. He barely talked before the show. He’s throwing himself into playing like it’s the only thing keeping him standing. I want to help but I don't know how.

Your breath hitched.

You wanted to type something back, anything, but what could you even say? That it wasn’t your problem anymore? He should get over it?

That it was easier this way?

Lies. Every single one of them.

Angela’s next text sent a chill up your spine.

They’re about to go on.

Your heart lurched knowing that song was going to be played at this show and you still hadn't heard it.

Your fingers hovered over Vinny’s contact. You could ignore it. You should ignore it.

But you didn’t.

Instead, with a shaky breath, you tapped the message thread and pressed play.

Vinny was sat at a piano?

Your breath stuttered.

Since when did he play?

He didn’t look at the camera. His head was bowed, fingers ghosting over the keys. His voice was quiet, almost hesitant, but steady.

But his words hit you like a punch to the stomach.

If you fall, then I will too, into nothing ever after. Do we have to face the truth, or look away, neglect the wounds? All the warning signs we refused to see, like a hurricane that’s drowning me.

The breath left your lungs.

You clenched your jaw, curling your fingers into your palm. The phone shook slightly in your grip.

So we build it up just to tear it down But the pieces don’t fit now. We’re falling apart, we’re fading away Pretending the damage doesn’t matter.

It hurt.

Not because of his voice, but because of the truth in his words. And knowing he had written this.

You had both caused this.

You pressed the phone against your chest, squeezing your eyes shut. You couldn't listen to the rest.

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, how long you tried to swallow down the lump in your throat.

Then your screen lit up again.

Angela.

They just announced the new song.

You didn’t move.

Chris just said the title.

You didn’t need to read the next text.

You knew what it was called.

You knew exactly what it was called.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

On stage, the lights pulsed as the crowd roared and cheered.

Vinny sat behind his kit, head down, drumsticks clenched so tight his hands trembled.

We've been dreaming wide awake, feeding poison to each other. It's too hard to walk away, 'cause it's easier to suffer.

He should’ve done everything differently.

He should’ve fought harder. He should've tried harder.

But it was too late.

"Everybody fucking JUMP!" Chris shouted out to the crowd.

The floor of the venue shook. The crowd screamed, fists in the air, bodies moving to the music, completely unaware of the war raging inside the mind of the man behind the drums.

Vinny slammed into the drums like his life depended on it. Like if he just hit hard enough, he could beat the pain out of his own chest. Hit after hit, faster, louder, pouring every ounce of frustration, heartbreak, and regret into the set, until his vision blurred.

Until he felt something hot and wet hit his hands.

Tears.

He barely noticed at first.

But Angela did.

She saw everything.

The way his head dropped lower. The way his shoulders curled in. The way his hands trembled between hits.

The song was coming to its climax, but Vinny didn’t feel the energy of the crowd anymore.

He felt his own heart breaking all over again.

We're fallin' apart, we're fading away Pretending the damage doesn't matter. Ignoring the scars, but now it's too late We settle for nothing ever after...

Nothing.

The lights pulsed red.

His chest felt hollow, his head spun.

And still, he played.

Even as his drumsticks cracked under the force of his grip. Even as the tears blurred his vision. Even as he felt like he was seconds away from shattering completely.

Because that’s all he could do.

Play until there was nothing left.

Play until he felt something.

Play until the past was nothing more than an echo in the back of his mind.

Play until he forgot.

But how could he forget?

How could he forget the way you looked next to him in bed in the mornings, hair a tangled mess, eyes still heavy with sleep as you blinked up at him like you weren’t quite sure if you were awake yet?

How could he forget the way you used to look in his hoodies, when you'd steal one and curl up beside him, your warmth pressing into his side like you belonged there?

How could he forget the way he made you laugh, a sound so full of life that it made his chest ache?

How could he forget the way you looked at him?

Like he was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Like you loved him.

But if you loved him, why did you leave?

Why was it so easy for you to walk away while he was still here, drowning in everything you left behind?

Why did it feel like he was the only one who couldn’t move on?

We settle for nothing...

And as the song finally came to an end, he let himself breathe.

There would be no more hiding. No more looking over his shoulder, waiting for Noah’s glare. No more having to bite his tongue.

It was out now and he didn't care.

Because now he had nothing left to lose.

Ever after.

--------------------------

i am so so sorry to everyone who was excited to find out who she ends up with but the title of the fic is nothing ever after... it was always going to end this way :') BUT if you're still here reading this i'm going to spoil something. it's not over. i have 2 sequels for this fic. TWO!! ONE FOR THE VINNY GIRLIES. ONE FOR NOAH GIRLIES!! i'm already on chapter 15 of the vin fic (which is literally insane but i've been writing it on and off for two months now) and i'm on chapter 5 of the noah one which i finally started last week, but i know there are literally NO fics for vinny so that was kinda my priotity :) THANK YOU FOR READING AND IM SORRY FOR THE ENDING LMAO I LOVE YOU!! <33

@rumoured-whispers @bloody-spades @lma1986 @thisbicc @dominuslunae @miss570 @miamore0570 @jilliemiw86 @itsyaboinoah @kait16xo @discocowgirly @rainy-darling