#and that's like your biggest I'm Going To Fucking Kill You triggers--

[kuroo-hitsuji]

(Minor?) NB Spoilers (lesson 35 (normal))

I'm losing it over the fact that I spent literally the Entire beginning of the train dinner situation telling my partner that I was gonna throw Lucifer out the fuckin window

And then Mephisto shows up and Lucifer says something about fucking throwing him out the window--

Please this Keeps happening fjsjgdxj stop stealing my lines, asshole

[tocomplainfriend]

Episode 4

TW: Rape, Sexual Assault and Abuse, Physical abuse.

So uh, I really did just guess "there is no way it's that bad, right?"...

OK, SO LET'S TALK. So again if you haven't seen the episode big Trigger Warning for its content! It's real heavy, explicit and on your face. I'm a Sexual abuse victim talking about this, just so you know.

I think the bigger problem I have with the episode, it's the context surrounding it and what happens later on, specially. Many people can have different views on the poison scene itself, for their own. But that scene, even if you as a victim relate, can only really work in a vacuum. Why? Let's see... hum.... The jokes of male SA in Helluva Boss? How it's written as funny to Moxxie to get assaulted? By the Succubus, Blitz, Chaz? Not seeing any problem in Stolitz, and victim blaming Blitz.

Suddenly Viv wants to be like: "Male sexual assault and abuse it's so not talked about, I'm going to write about it". As if she didn't write all those HB jokes. All those jokes are only men getting assaulted too, by other men or woman. The SA and r-pe it's funny when it's done to men, why did this even happen?

Even if the entire episode 4 was good, why did the same person write all this jokes? Is the sexual harassment Angel does to husk, even going to be addressed later or...? The biggest problem, it's the bad execution. Something happens a lot with HB and HH, it's that scenes and concepts work In isolation, that way you imagine in infinite possibilities of the "what if this". But they give you is in it'self not that good. The series does expect you to be a fan, and have to watch the pilot. Because it doesn't really bother to introduce the characters or anything. So the emotional bits don't hit that hard if you didn't already care about the characters since or before the pilot.

Since the first episodes, Valentino has being changing between fucking idiot and horrifying monster. In episode 2 he is treated as a stupid dumbass. I feel like all the episodes until 4 were too much, on the comedy shit- to immediately jump into explicit abuse and SA is a lot. In the end of the episode they also shift back the tone, weirdly.

So we jump into Val and Angel's work, showing how shitty val is. Charlie jumps into interrupting the hole thing. AND VAL ASSAULTS HER TOO??? I didn't expect that. He grabs her kisses and lick up her arm, and gets too close to her in other scenes. Then Charlie accidentally ruins the set, and Val ends up physically abusing Angel. Living him with a black eye, and it's shown Angel did a deal with him. Leaving him fully trapped with him (not a legal contract, but a devil/sinner bound magic thing). Then it's poison music number.

Many people feel like it's too graphic. Other people will say it's okey, because it shows the problem straight on, and it's supposed to make you uncomfortable.

Explicit doesn't = good.

You can talk a lot of what does this level of graphic/explicit add to the conversation.

My main problem with it being so explicit comes from who is directing that hole part of the episode. I talked about it in the post above. The person in question:

(BLURRED CUT PICTURE)

Does this scene above seem familiar to you? This person put together with how the poison part of the episode is played out AND all the disgusting "SA is funny" jokes HB make this a fucking problem.

AND THEN THE FUCKING ENDING IS CRAZY BAD LIKE HELLO???? At the end, Angel is at a bar, and his drink gets spiked. Husk gets him out and fights against the guys that spiked the drink. Then they kindly have an argument... To get through the whole heavy ass episode- to then Husk hit with a song calling Angel a baby IS FUCKING CRAZY. I see what the point was supposed to be, but the execution absolutely kills it. The song tries to compare Husk and Angel, to say shit sucks but hey it's okay we are in this together, BUT HOLY SHIT. Why, comparing Angel Dust being sexually abused under a demonic contract (HE IS STILL UNDER)- to Husk having to work for Alastor. Yes, Husk fucked up his life in hell do to gambling- that's not comparable to Angel being in an abusive relationship where he gets taken advantaged of. Calling Angel dust a baby loser, "everyone got it difficult get over your self"- it's fucking crazy. The fact that the episode ends on everyone happy and laugh it off it awful! WHAT HAPPEN???????? Like Angel is still under Val's contract- his going to have to go back to work, or to any other place where his drink could be spiked. We are still in the same problem. I don't- I don't understand. The song wasn't even a "I'll help you", it felt more like "Hey shit sucks, get over it". How did you write that? I don't think the series has the time or good enough space to treat the subjects- and they are dealing in the worst way.

EDIT:

I cannot believe this woman made a cum joke, about the song that it's about being trapped with your abuser- that comes with really graphic scenes of assault and r-pe. Like the whole song it's about that???? It's not a "Hot sexy" song, it's literally all sexual assault and workplace abuse.

This scene is from a non canon comic from the same artist above, got immediately referenced in the scene after poison. That's crazy. Also, The artist is... uh......... Did you know that in episode 4. It got showed that Angel's real name is Anthony? They changed their name to Tony, make themselves look like Angel? Now does sex work like Angel. They choreographed the pole dancing in Addict?

AND Viv just reduced Angel's Sexual Harassment of Husk as:

Angel trows himself to Husk, grabs him, touches him, makes unwanted sexual comments. You, have never left the weird shipping of queer of mean that revolts around sexual harassment. It's like old ass garbage Wattpad yaoi, not acknowledging those problems. Why is there more attention to that than Charlie and Vaggie, who lacks so much personality and everything. WLW with no condiments and artificial as fuck MLM with microplastics.

[causeimcrayzeebee]

have you seen the kamimura lore drop and what are your thoughts?

ohbmy god this could’ve been so embarrassing cause i hadn’t seen it yet and was so confused as to what you meant so I was planning on just yapping about kamimura in general but then I saw it LMAO UM I WAS SO HAPPY CAUSE KAMIMURA CONTENT!!!!! KAMIMURA LORE!!! AND THEN SO FUCKING INCREDIBLY SAD FROM IT LIKE....THAT'S GORE... THAT'S GORE OF MY COMFORT CHARACTER.... um yeah I have work for law to do but I got too into reading the lore drop so lets talk about it! (I will get to my work after trust) spoiler warning for chapters 1-3 and tetro typical trigger warnings!!! take care of yourself!!

I am not going to cover the ableism portion or too much of the diagnosis/hospital parts because I am not personally disabled and would like to let other disabled people talk about it, so i'll leave the rest of the conversation to others in the community!

also i took notes while reading it to organize my thoughts like usual (im so bad at putting words together well). some of these are kinda funny so here are some highlights lmfao

alright, now lets actually be serious.

firstly, I'm so glad that kamimura at least had a good childhood. I think it really shows in the way he interacts with the tetro pink cast that he was a sociable and happy kid! my mom actually teaches preschool so shes taught me a lot about early childhood psychology (shout out to my mother guys!!!!!). one of the biggest takeaways I've had from her is that the first five years of one's life are the most important in development! that's what Montessori programs keep in mind and throughout preschool and early kinder, they take time to establish learning through play; a lot of people have the misconception that letting kids play at school is just letting them mess around, but it's crucial in building their skills! kids learn to socialize with others and to problem solve; that foundation is very important for everything else moving forward in life! I could rant about how preschools need to utilize this more, esp in the American education system, but I digress. my main point goes to something I (and a couple other people I'm not original in this LMAO) have mentioned before about how it makes more sense out of hasegawa and kamimura, that they'd kill off kamimura because he had other people. kamimura, despite having further and further cut himself off from the world right till the end (until the kg at least), still managed to make meaningful connections, like tamba and hayashi, even if they weren't like ideal. the way he approaches tamba is very caring in a way that can seem like it's not, yk? likely it stems from his trust issues, it's scary to put your genuine real feelings out there, so hiding them with some snide remarks is easier. luckily, tamba has a similar approach so hey. shout out tamba n kamimura you will always be special to me.

anyways, its both so amazing and so heartbreaking that his parents were so loving and supportive, but died too soon. I do wonder about the role of attachment in this case; like specifically in babies/toddlers, they get attached to their parents usually because that's the first person they see, the first to take care of them. kamimura was able to get that love and support from his parents, even when it got so much harder and the days in the hospitals got longer. so having it all be taken away when you're NINE? that's obviously gonna destroy you, and that leads to his trust issues and isolation. he was able to thrive still as a young child because he had his parents to support him! so when that's all gone, how else are you supposed to cope?

yeah fuck you family friend, that was brutal. I cant even imagine coming home from school to find your parents absolutely desecrated. the day of his parents death beginning the routine of staying locked in his room.... oh my god like what if I cried (I did). that probably changed the way he thought about his room; his room was an escape from the horrors of the outside world. if he just stayed in the room, he wouldn't have to experience the fucked up world. it became a habit. EUGAHHD I'm in shambles.

after the murder of his parents, it's understandable that it shook kamimura and his aunt to their core. that was a violent murder (by a man who was literally just rejected romantically.... its so fucking upsetting that that is a common crime). his aunt wasn't even ready to have kids so having the responsibility of taking in kamimura must've been a lot. In regards to homesick, despite the very clear distance in their relationship, kamimura really seems to appreciate her being there, even if it was very distanced; she was still an important part of his grieving process and his whole life honestly.

oh boy here we go. isao when I catch you istg..... sorry that's an exaggeration, likely this was from a societal disgust, yk just homophobia from the world, so I cant really blame this kid too much.... but we still have beef. god, this was one of those actually crushing crushes, hm. it's so fucked up; someone who was starting to get kamimura a bit out of the dark space that was his life, giving him something to enjoy and be happy about! and all of that was just thrown away because kamimura was vulnerable and shared his feelings. not having your feelings returned can already be devastating, but this? the spread of rumors, the bullying, the losing his one friend? it's like the world wants to torture him omfg. here the trust issues become worse; those who loved him leave, those who he loved leave. everyone just leaves, so what's the point?

this explains his relationship with hasegawa, and the issue after trial 1. it had to have felt way too familiar; telling someone he was fond of vulnerable information, only for it to be told to a bunch of people he never wanted in his fucking business. however, I think the reason why they made up rather quickly in clean up crew (which btw I watched w my friend earlier today bc I got them into tetro........ god I love that episode) is hasegawa's response. hasegawa, unlike isao, is remorseful, he CARES. hasegawa even shares something personal to him, about his own loss.

I think this also changes the scene of hasegawa coming out a bit. before, he was rejected by isao because he was a homophobic douchebag. but in the student spotlight, hasegawa casually says he's not into girls. while its funny thinking that kamimura was having some gay panic then lmao, I think actually it was probably processing that in a confused comfort, not exactly because his feelings could be reciprocated, but for this; hasegawa was so comfortable with coming out as gay, so comfortable with the concept, unlike isao. if kamimura confessed his feelings to hasegawa, and were (somehow) not reciprocated, he likely still wouldn't have ran away. of course, with kamimura's trust issues, he probably wasn't confident in that assumption, but hasegawa is not the kind of person to drop someone because they confessed to them. he would've kept the person that had become so important to him. and because of that maybe, just maybe, kamimura would've said what he really wanted to say if the interview had happened before woodshop.

once he's on his own and moves out, he no longer has someone reminding him to do things, so with no motivation to simply live, he ends up staying locked in his house like we've seen before. what's the point in anything? when that kind of spiral hits you, and you don't have other people present in your life to keep doing, how would you ever stay motivated?? I know it was a really informal post, so I might be going insane trying to add this to the analysis, but the repetition of 'but life goes on' I think really solidifies the importance of a support system. when things are difficult, the world never just stops, it keeps going despite your struggle. but having people who care about you around you can help make each day easier, they can help 'slow down time' if you will. kamimura has gone through an amount of stress no one should have to face, but people around him could have made it easier on him by being there. that's the tragedy of tetro.

it's especially tragic that at the very end, right before the kg, he was taking his own life.

(plot wise, I need to know what y'all theorists think of this bc I have ideas but i need to finish the staffside logs before I can even actually consider my thoughts lmfao.)

sorry to be captain obvious on a majority of this post lol but gosh wow. I really loved that we got this, it was so much information I am kinda stoked despite basically all of it being depressing as hell. tetro has really become an inspiration for me and writing, I am constantly so impressed by von's writing and it's given me perspective on how to approach writing as a whole. i feel as though this gave me so much perspective on kamimura himself as a character. some of this just confirmed my ideas already, but it strikes me as something so human just learning all of this. when I, or anyone really, first meet people, I only know surface level things, yk cause I don't know them. but then I start talking to them, and I learn about different things that have happened to them, how they feel about certain issues or what they're doing on a day to day basis. you can never know everything of course, but when you discover new parts of someone, it makes them more complex and they don't fit the idea you had of them before because people are complex!! and that's the beauty of writing, capturing humanity! the impact of each character, esp kamimura, has been so beautifully done, I'm just constantly moved as the story progresses.

thank y'all sm for reading my excuse to talk about kamimura, this was A LOT of blabbing I'm so so sorry but I hope you enjoyed haha! :)

[myymi]

lost world angst, anyone?

Sonic wasn't sure what he expected to happen to Tails after he got stuck in that trap and taken away before he could save him.

But his money certainly wasn't on the kit being half-roboticized.

He wanted to puke at the sight of his brother. (Which is an idea he wasn't too entirely fond of at the moment. Amy had made him a really nice breakfast this morning and it sits better in his stomach than on his shoes.)

He wanted to say he didn't even recognize the kid, but that'd be a lie. He'd always know when he was looking into his little brother's eyes, no matter if they're drained of life or artificial.

He could imagine the screams the fox probably let out as his body was torn into, flesh and blood being forcibly replaced by steel and oil.

Eggman had gloated about the process once years ago and it still haunted the hedgehog. To think Tails, his kid, fell victim to it..

He was going to rip those stupid zetis into shreds.

“What did you do to him.” Sonic demanded, even though he knew the answer. He just needed them to say it.

He needed them to admit they tortured a barely seven year old child.

“Calm down.” Zavok waved off the obvious anger radiating from the hedgehog, not at all worried about his opponent. “We simply gave him a few upgrades. Isn't he so much better?”

Better?

Better?!

How could anyone think that was better?

Sonic's face fell into a harsh glare, his royal blue quills shifting a few shades darker as he stared right into Zavok’s stupid, purple eyes.

“I'm going to fucking kill you.” He growled, angrily baring his fangs. He wasn't the biggest fan of swearing, especially not around Tails, but he'd let it slide this time.

“You'll have to deal with your little tagalong first.” The zeti stayed nonchalant as he gestured to the half-robot fox and, oh Chaos, his eye was so dull. There was no life in him.

Sonic didn't say anything in response to that, so Zavok decided to begin the fight with a simple command, “Tails, kill that worthless creature.”

The fox-robot listened to the command, lifting up its arm that now had a cannon attached to the end of it. The reality of the situation only fully kicked in when it started charging, a small purple energy or quickly growing in size.

“Oh, buddy.” Sonic knew he could fight Tails. Even if it wasn't him anymore, he couldn't hurt his brother. He promised him, “I'm so sorry, kid. I should've been faster.” He apologized, raising his paws in surrender to show the other he wouldn't fight.

Even if the fox was about to kill him, he was going to accept it. He deserved it after failing to keep the kid out of the zetis’ hands.

He braced himself for the inevitable impact of the orb once it looked like it was finished growing. It wouldn't be long before it shot, and Sonic would've left Mobius as a failure of big brother.

But then the light in Tails’ eye resparked.

With a wink, the kit quickly pivoted on his heel and dropped to crouch on his knee. He did his best to prop up the cannon as he aimed it right at Zavok’s head, “Never!” He shouted, pulling the trigger.

The blast ended up striking Zavok right in the center of his chest, the force sending him flying a few feet backwards.

Sonic could do nothing but stand and gape at his little brother. He didn't understand what happened, it all went by too fast—isn't that the craziest thing? Too fast for Sonic to keep up.

“Hold it, fuzzball.” Zeena said, stepping up as she pointed a remote at the fox and pressed a button. “You're still ours. Now do as you're told so we can end this. I need to fix my nail polish and you're delaying it with your wanna-be hero stunt.”

Tails yelped and grabbed his head with the paw that hadn't been turned into a weapon. His organic eye closed tightly in obvious pain as the other flashed between blue and red.

Sonic knew he should do something, but it felt like his feet were glued in place. No matter how much he begged, his body wouldn't move.

“No!” Tails cried out, shaking his head before just barely opening his eye. The first thing he saw was the arm cannon, which reminded him of a program he added in last minute as a backup plan.

Sonic was going to be so mad at him for this.

He didn't give his brain a chance to bail on the plan in fear of upsetting his big brother. He spun his tails as quickly as he could, doing his best to ignore how one of them felt like pure metal and flew straight into the center of the zetis.

He didn't stop flying until he landed on top of Zomom, looping his legs around the orange zeti’s neck as much as could as he pressed a hidden button on the cannon.

As the three second timer kicked off, the fox looked up to find his brother. He sent him a smile, quickly mouthing ‘I'm sorry.’ before his vision was full of white, then almost immediately fading to black.

“Tails!” Sonic screamed right before the explosion hit, knowing that silent apology couldn't have been a good sign.

The force of the bomb knocked him back a bit, but he was back on his feet in a second and running to where he last saw his brother.

One of the zetis, the depressed one, was entirely missing from the group. But, other than that, the rest of them were all knocked unconscious.

“Tails?” Sonic's voice choked on tears as he slid beside the kit’s body. The bomb had destroyed some of the metal, revealing that most of it was just show.

Tails hadn't been roboticized.

He swallowed past the lump in his throat as he gently cradled his baby brother, shoving away the haunting bits of metal.

He knew this entire encounter was going to haunt his dreams for a while.

He didn't dwell on that matter though. Tails was far more important. He needed to get him away from these monsters.

So he ran.

He wasn't sure where he was running to exactly, but anywhere away from the zetis was a good place to be.

By chance or maybe an unknowingly conscious effort, Sonic had made it to where they had parked the Tornado. She hadn't moved a muscle, her red paint still glistening in the sun as she soaked in the heat.

Feeling calmer from just the plane's presence, the hedgehog carefully climbed into the cockpit and settled into the seat.

Tails was still cradled to his chest, his grip on the fox tightening as he found a comfortable enough spot.

He didn't know what to do. They didn't really have the supplies to treat whatever happened to the kid.

He was just gonna have to wait it out. Figure out how Tails was feeling when he woke up and then go from there.

The hedgehog curled around the younger boy as much as he could when he felt his eyelids growing heavy. He nuzzled the fox's fur, making sure to lay extra attention to the sections that had been covered by metal. He planted a small kiss above the eye that had been seemingly replaced by an artificial one.

They would be fine if he took a quick nap. He'd wake up if something attacked them, and the Tornado’s keys were already in the ignition. It'd be okay.

Chaos, he prayed Tails would also be okay when he woke up.

He didn't like his slow heartbeat or his weak pulse.

[heresthestorymorningglory]

Together Bound In Madness - Part 8

A/N: Greetings my loves, sorry I haven't posted in ages, (at least it feels that way) I'm working my way through some wicked writer's block. I've also been off playing with dragons (Yes I'm one of those Fourth Wing, Iron Flame, Onyx Storm girlies, don't come for me, alright?)

As always, this NSFW 18+ and has a few extra warnings attached; a kidnapping trigger warning being the biggest one, and approach this one with some caution….it’s consensual so it’s not technically rape, but the situation could make some uncomfortable.

My @ken-dom, as always, I appreciate you being knee deep in the trenches with me when it comes to these boys (whether you love them or not <3)

The title comes from the Marianas Trench song The Killing Kind

Y'all should know by now I rarely post one shots…..so yeah, this will be multiple parts….I’m just not sure on the final tally yet. You can find previous parts here.

Enjoy my loves! <3 

He laid next to you, watching your chest steadily rise and fall as you slept. You had drifted off so quickly he hadn't even had a chance to clean you up. 

God you looked fucking beautiful

He sighed softly, his fingers reaching to brush a strand of hair back that had fallen in your face. He lingered there, playing with the soft strands. 

“Why won't you let me keep you safe” he whispered, his hand moving to cup your cheek before his eyes fell on your bruised, marked flesh of your neck. His mark. 

The way you had screamed…

His fingers grazed over the indentation of his teeth marks and you whimpered in your sleep. 

He leaned forward, his lips pressing gently against your neck before he pulled back slowly and pressed them to yours. 

You moaned softly in your sleep, returning his kiss briefly before you shifted closer, but you never woke. 

He needed to clean himself up. He didn't want to, he wanted to lie here with you, keep you pressed against him while you slept. 

He reluctantly pulled himself out of bed, covering you with the duvet and went to shower. He stood under the stream of water, the pink circling the drain as his hands slid over his skin. He closed his eyes, imagining they were your hands, imagining your wet, naked body pressed against his back. Your breath is as hot as the water against his neck. Your hands sliding down his arms, your slender fingers covering his as you guide his hand to his cock, already pulsing with arousal. 

He moans imagining your nose pressed against his cheek. Your moans echoing in his memory as he strokes himself a little faster. 

“Keep going” you whisper against the shell of his ear, his hand squeezing his shaft a little harder. “Come for me’

He imagines your hand, closed over his, stroking him faster. He groans, bracing a hand against the slick shower tiles; his knees nearly buckled as his thick come splattered against his wet stomach, coating his hand, washing down the drain between his feet. 

He blinked the rapidly cooling water from his eyes as he reached to turn off the tap. 

He made his way back to the bed, running a hand through his still damp hair, wearing only a pair of boxes. 

He climbed under the blanket, you were still soundly asleep. He pulled you against him, your head settling on his shoulder as he held your hand against his chest before he drifted off himself. 

***

The next morning he woke up with you still wrapped around him. As soon as he shifted you stirred, slowly waking with a deep sigh. 

As soon as you opened your eyes he felt your body tense against him. You pushed yourself away with a scoff of disgust before pulling yourself out of bed. 

“God, get off me” you pushed your hair back off your face with a sigh. “If you're going to keep me here like your fucking sex slave at least let me shower.”

He chuckled softly, it fascinated him how easily you flip flopped. He didn't say anything, just pointed down the hall toward the bathroom. 

You just glared at him, following the direction of his finger. You knew where the bathroom was…

He followed behind you, stopping at the linen closet on the way getting you fresh towels. 

You turned on your heel in the doorway, and took them from him before closing the door behind you. 

The water ran hot over your aching joints, everything throbbed. You shivered despite the warm water, watching the pink tint run between your feet. 

You scrubbed your skin until it hurt, hoping to just wash away this entire nightmare.

That wasn't how you felt last night. 

After you had turned off the water and climbed out, you stood looking at your reflection in the mirror. 

You were spotted with bruises, cuts, hickeys bite marks. 

He marked you

The thought made your stomach clench. You didn't think they were deep enough to scar…but you really weren't sure. The skin on your neck was bruised and angry. 

You're his. 

You shook the thought from your head as there was a gentle knock on the door before it opened enough for him to slide his hand through with a pair of clean clothes. 

You took them from him before the door closed again. 

You dried yourself off and pulled the clothes on, another t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants; both felt soft against your aching body; comfortable. 

You hung your towels before leaving the bathroom, as soon as you opened the door the smell of fresh coffee hit your nose, and bacon. He was cooking you breakfast.  

When you appeared from around the corner he smiled before offering you a full cup, already having been lightened with ingredients. 

When you looked up at him he answered your silent question. “Cream and sugar. Just like always”

Another clench of your stomach as you took the cup. 

How did he know how you took your coffee?

“I drink it with sweetener” you deadpan trying to keep your wits about you.

He chuckled softly with a shake of his head “No you don't’

Your lips parted as you took in a breath, the mug still in your hands as he turned his attention to the stove. You closed your eyes, regaining your composure before he turned back around, offering you a plate. 

“I'm not hungry” you said softly, your stomach immediately calling out your lie as it growled loudly. 

He grabbed your elbow in his free hand, leading you over to sit at the table. “Just eat” he ordered, putting the plate down before taking the mug from your hand and setting it on the table. 

“I don't-” you protested before he forced you to sit in the waiting chair. 

“Eat” he repeated firmly “Or I'll tie you to the damn chair and force feed you myself”

You didn't say anything else, just picked up the fork sitting on the table and started to eat. You were going to pick your battles. 

“Good girl” 

You closed your eyes with a sigh, taking a drink from your mug. Pushing away the dull ache between your thighs from the night before. 

He sat down with his own plate across from you and started eating in silence. 

You chewed quietly keeping your focus on your plate. 

He studied your form where you sat, leaned over your breakfast. Your hair was still damp from your shower, his eyes again drawn to the same mark on your neck. You had washed away the specks of dried blood but it was still red and open. He should probably bandage it so it didn't get infected…but he liked seeing it. 

You sat up straighter once you finished eating and collapsed your hands in your lap with a sigh. 

He looked up from his own plate with a raised eyebrow “Do you want more?”

You shook your head but wouldn't look at him. You both sat in silence for a while, his fork occasionally scraping on his plate as he ate. 

“I thought we could go out today,” he looked up eating his last mouthful “Maybe go for a drive?”

You frowned looking across the table at him before he pulled himself to his feet.  “Why would I want to go anywhere with you?’

He took the empty plate sitting in front of you but didn't answer. 

“If I go anywhere outside this apartment, it's going to be to the fucking police station” you bit back before standing yourself. 

“Why would you do that?”

You looked at him slack jawed “You can't be fucking serious….” You muttered “You're keeping me here!” You snapped “Against my will. That's why!”

“You're not a prisoner” he laughed lightly

You turned on your heel to face him fully; looking at him in disbelief. “I'll have permanent scars that say otherwise” you glared 

“You're so dramatic” he smiled, reaching to take your wrists, turning them over in his hands. He sighed looking up at you “If you wouldn't have struggled then…”

“Don't you dare try to make this my fault” you tried to pull your wrists free from his hands and he just held them tighter. “You're a fucking psychopath rapist” 

“I didn't see you pulling away,” He scoffed with a laugh closing the small gap between you “You can't rape the willing babe”

You frowned  “Don't call me babe”

“Sorry,” he apologized mockingly “Should I have my fingers knuckle deep inside you when I do?”

You scoffed with disgust wrenching your wrists from his grip before taking a step back. “God you're fucking sick”

“Made you scream too” He muttered pulling you against him, his breath hot on your face before you shoved him off. 

“I swear to god” 

He nodded “Yeah, you were doing a lot of that too” 

“Oh shut up!” You shrieked, your cheeks burning red with embarrassment…or shame. “I swear to god, if you tell anybody” You grit through your teeth. 

“Tell them what?” He taunted with a smirk “That you liked it? That you wanted it?”

“God I hate you”

He watched as rage darkened your gorgeous eyes. They followed his hand as he reached into his pocket and pulled out what was inside. 

The small gasp from you as you realized what he was holding almost made him laugh again. 

“You want these back then?” He asked, the pair of panties you'd had on the night he'd taken you hanging from his index finger. 

You grabbed them, glaring at him. “What do you do, jerk off into my panties after I fall asleep?!” 

“Not since you let me come inside you instead”

Before you could stop it, your fist connected with his cheek, as you punched him with as much effort as your body could muster. 

His head snapped back, but he had barely lost his footing before looking back at you. 

“Punch me all you want, it doesn't make it any less true” 

You screamed in frustration turning away from him as he continued. 

“Stay with me” 

They were three simple words and they made your blood boil. 

“Stay with you?!” You repeated, turning sharply on your heel. “I wouldn't stay with you if humankind depended on it” 

He seemed completely unfazed by this. Reaching out to pull you closer to him, his fingers curling tightly around your arm. 

“I could give you everything you've ever wanted” he whispered, his forehead resting against yours. 

You pulled away almost immediately with another scoff. “You live in a dingy bachelor LA apartment; you couldn't fucking afford me”

He took this as a challenge, filing that away for later. 

“This is about trust,” he whispered “Show me I can trust you” 

His fingers found their way under the hem of your t-shirt, pressing firmly into your hips. 

You let yourself be pulled closer, You closed your eyes as his nose slid along the line of your jaw and across your cheek. 

You pressed your lips together as he inhaled deeply, one of his hands finding its way to the back of your neck. Your whole body prickled with goosebumps as his tongue ran over his teeth marks before sucking on the bruised skin, making you whimper, but you didn't pull away. 

He hummed with approval, pressing himself against you; a very prominent bulge straining against his jeans. 

You gasped unintentionally, pressing yourself against him, letting your body melt into his; your arms finding their way around his neck. 

“See?” He whispered against your neck, his teeth biting gently on your earlobe. “I told you,” he breathed “You fucking like it”

“You don't know what you're talking about” You grit your teeth 

The hot puff of air against your cheek as he laughed, blowing your hair back. “No?’ he taunted, his fingers teasing the waistband of your pants. “You’re not…wet for me?” 

You didn't answer, just breathed heavily through your nose, your jaw clenched as his hand slid down the front of your pants to prove his point. 

His middle finger coated in your slick as it slid between your folds. You let out a shaky gasp against his shoulder as his finger slid inside you with ease. 

Another hum of approval as he leaned into the crook of your neck. 

“You're fucking beautiful, you know that?”

His voice was thick with arousal as his hand moved between your legs, and you let it.  You squeezed your eyes shut as he continued to whisper in your ear. His hard cock pressed firmly against your thigh. 

You shook your head as your stomach flipped 

“You are” he whispered, kissing a trail along your neck, making your knees buckle. His praise made your heart flutter in your chest. 

“Don't”  you whispered, swallowing hard, pushing him away as you ran your tongue between your lips. 

This only egged him on, he pushed you back against the closest wall, his hands sliding under your clothes, over your naked skin. His head forcing yours back as his teeth nipped under your chin. His mouth sucking hard on your warm flesh. You whimpered, writhing against the wall; fingers grasping at his clothes, panting and breathless. 

His body was heavy against yours. His lips dragging up your neck, his breath hot and heavy in your ear. 

“Tell me” he whispered, before pressing his lips to your ear. 

You shook your head and he laughed softly, pulling you against him, grinding his hips against yours, making you moan. 

“Tell me you're beautiful”

Your breath caught in your throat; that hadn't been what you had expected him to say. You tipped your head questioningly and he pulled back just enough to raise an eyebrow at you expectantly. 

“No” you whispered

The hand between your legs, stroking tantalizingly slowly, making you shiver. You fought to keep yourself in check as he let out another breathy sigh against your ear. 

“Please?”

You whined as he thrust against your thigh squeezing your eyes shut with a small shake of your head. 

“Tell me” he repeated, grinding harder against your thigh, his palm rubbing harder against your core. 

“N-no” you whimpered and his hand stopped eliciting a near scream of protest from you. 

“Say it and I'll let you come”

You let out a gasp as his fingers teased you, still rutting against your thigh. “I'm-” you sighed as his fingers moved faster “B-beautiful” you moaned. 

He groaned against your neck, a dark patch forming on the thigh of his jeans. “Good girl” he breathed and you grabbed his face with both hands, kissing him hard. 

You hated yourself. 

But again, he found the buttons to push, his praise made you weak, his devotion made you hungry for more. 

You pulled free from his lips, fresh tears streaming down your cheeks as you grit your teeth. “God, I-”

You turned your face away with a sniff as his hands wiped the tears from your cheeks. “Don't”

He signed heavily against your shoulder, kissing along your neck, his lips stopping to rest on the dark purple bruise accented with his teeth marks. “Let me in”

This time you sighed heavily. Letting him carry on kissing you, his hands carry on rubbing over your warm skin. 

“I have something for you”

He stepped back and you stayed leaned against the wall. 

He walked over to pull a bag out from under his bed before bringing it over to you. 

You frowned, taking the small paper bag from him and looking inside. 

Makeup?

You looked up at him and he offered a small smile. 

It was all the stuff you used on a daily basis. Brand new. 

When you didn't say anything he spoke again. 

“I thought you might like to get dressed up to go out for a little while”

Your breath was shaky as you held the paper bag in your hands. You were at a loss for words. 

You watched as he made his way over to his closet and produced a sundress donned with pink flowers and a pair of sandals. Both in your size.  

“Get dressed and we'll go” 

You didn't answer, just simply took what he had offered you and made your way down to the bathroom to change. 

You stood in front of the mirror, the makeup he'd given you strewn out on the counter. You stood quietly, staring at your reflection as you went through a routine that felt alien to you now. You tried hard not to think about how he'd known what to buy, right down to the shade of lipstick you wore every day. 

This was it. You just had to bide your time and wait for your moment.

[tragically-jane-doe]

My final rambling of this god forsaken show

This tusundere lil bastard

WHAT IF THO WHAT IF YOU JUST ADMITTED FROM THE START

They're fucking sadists making me watch hee-joo drive off a cliff again

MY GORL IS PSYCHO AND I LOVE THAT FOR HER

Also how dumb can og sa-eon be to get inside a car with hee-joo AGAIN

God damn sa-eon mama I see where your son gets it from

YES IN-A YES

Yu-ri you didn't get nearly enough screen time I love you

You know what I take back what I said you fucking snitch god damn sang-woo

THATS MS HANS BABY GIRL TYVM

I love our reporter friend

Okay I'm feeling a lil bit for hee-joo mama cause like imagine losing two children to the same fucking person

She meant well but went about it in a terrible way I guess

GIRL STOP GOING NEAR SLIGHTLY HIGH PLACES

OMG GRANDPAPPY GOT AROUND DAMN

UHOHUHOHUHOHUHUHOH

sir you could've just ran him over you wouldn't have gotten into trouble

Like really you could have

WHAT DID HE SAY TO MAKE OUR BOY CRY

Hey guys do you think he's the son of Paik Jang-ho they've only mentioned it like a million times

I'm so glad I waited till Saturday to watch these god damn

WHAT IF THOU

Awwww they match each others freak

I KNOW THIS ISNT REAL STOP STOP GIVING ME FAKE SCENARIOS DAMN IT

Let them be domestic with each other for real please they deserve it

What the hell sa-eon WHERE R U

Get your ass back to your wifey NOW

OKAY THIS EPISODE BETTER FIX EVERYTHING PLEASE I BEG

WHERE IS HE GODDAMN

Is he hanging out with Daddy Juan?

Wait what holy shit

SAEON WHAT FHE HELL DUDE WHERE R U

Where's our girls proposal huh where's her happily ever after

Mr Kang i love you

Her dad is so cute

THIS MOTHER FUCKER TOOK HIM TO GET FOOD WHERE IS HE

Stop this is to cute

HAS IT BEEN 6 MONTHS? OF HIM BEING M.I.A

All of in-a outfits have been killer

THIS MANS BEEN M.I.A FOR SIX FUCKING MONTHS IM GONNA KILL HIM

IN-A I LOVE YOU BUT GIRL STOP IT

This is so fucking sad I want to murder this man

OMG 604

She's the biggest of freaks she's amazing

I love how she ran to a war zone just on CHANCE to see her man SHES INSANE I LOVE HER JESUS FUCK

OF COURSE SHE GETS KIDNAPPED THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NICE HAPPY TIME DAMNIT BUT INSTEAD WE GET THIS

Sa-eon did you really expect her to sit and twiddle her thumbs

He's dumb asf

SO DUMB

What was the point of all of this sa-eon

SHE ISNT DUMB YOU ARE MOTHERFUCKER

Sa-eon lives to infuriate me

Oooooooh so that's why he went cray cray m.i.a

HEE-JOO ALREADY KNEW THAT THOU

HE STILL LEFT KNOWING SHE KNOWS

I wanna slap him

I WANNA HIT HIM MR I WANNA PUNISH MYSELF

So dumb

So fucking dumb

He doesn't deserve that kiss

I want them to be caught by rebels so bad it would be so funny

THEY FUCKED? the white tanks are actually taking me out

not the feet shot

HOW DUMB IS THIS MAN "I didn't expect you to show up here"

My girl tried to drive off a cliff just so the stalker dude would leave you alone

Girly pretended to be her kidnapper to just divorce you

SHE SPENT 4 DAYS REFUSING TO EAT OR DRINK JUST SO YOUR FAKE MAMA COULDNT USE HER AGAINST YOU MY GIRL WAS READY TO STARVE TO DEATH

She's insane I'm not surprised she went into a war zone to find sa-eon that's actually one of the tamer things shes done

Also like if u didn't want her to find you why did u donate money in her name to a school where u are

I'm gonna murder this man

He needs to be shot again

Not Paik sa-eon is the funniest sub I've ever seen

My boy still has no name of his own

Spent 6 months not finding a name

I ONLY GET 16 MINUTES OF FLUFF?

Their house is so cute

All the besties are hereeeeeee

Oh mr Kang why don't we get to meet your wife

I want to see the woman that wifed you up

I hate this

Yay work mom I love you

Paik yu Yeon your a dumb bitch but at least your pretty

Shut up his name is for her Jesus christ

Mr Kang stop making googoo eyes at him his wife is right next to himmmm

He's so cunty swirling his wine thou

Stop it they're so cute it's gross

Oh my goodness

Oh so fish is just a trauma trigger

Hee-joo getting her closure!!!!!

THIS MOTHERFUCKER

also sick that his contact name is just husband💓

Aw he made up with his bae do-jae

Please god let there be fics of hee-joo domming this man

PLEASE HES PRACTICALLY BEGGING HER

Well fuck me idk what to do now it's over

Was a fun ride

[stabbyfoxandrew]

hii aerie!!! i hope you have a good day too : )

as is my usual, i can't pick between Arsonist Neil, Mafia Front and Angel Neil, so can i ask for whichever of those three you want to write the most? i love how all of them are going!! 🫶💖

WIP Wednesday (1/29) | Mafia Front Restaurant AU (Part 271)

"He was right." Stuart says, then he pulls out an old revolver. It’s his favorite. Johnny's eyes go huge when he sees the gun and his mouth opens but apparently he knows begging for his life will get him nowhere. When Stuart points it at him, Johnny sobs.

“W-w-wait. Pl-ease,” he turns to Nathaniel and blinks a few times. "Y-your friend. Did I kill him?" He asks tearfully.

And suddenly, Nathaniel feels cold all over. Is this really what he wants to ask with his last breaths?

"No." Nathaniel answers, to Johnny's apparent relief. "I'm a better partner than yours was."

"Sorry to make an example out of you, kid. But you fucked with the wrong family. 's gotta be done," Stuart says with a shrug that says he couldn't care less either way. Johnny's bound hands are clasped behind him and he murmurs prayers under his breath until Stuart pulls the trigger. Blood and brain matter splash across the tile, staining Michael’s shoes. And Johnny falls silent and still. Stuart holsters his gun and directs his attention to Samuel, the biggest man in the room. "Dump him back over in the Wolves' territory."

Samuel gives a nod and produces a tarp. Nathaniel holds in a sigh. Couldn't they have laid that out before the messy part?

While the others drag the body into the tarp, Nathaniel hands Stuart the envelope he'd been given yesterday. Stuart pops it open and skims the note inside before wrinkling his nose, then he slips it into his jacket and nods at the blood on the floor. "See that this gets cleaned up. I have to run this by Ichirou as soon as possible."

"Yes sir," Nathaniel nods. He'll send Andrew home and get the bleach out and— Nathaniel's heart flies into his chest when his uncle starts for the kitchen. He moves quickly to put himself in Stuart's way. "What are you doing now?"

"I thought I'd grab a beer. If that's alright with you, Nathaniel." He says sharply.

"Yes sir, I'll get it for you." Nathaniel says, racing into the kitchen. He opens the door to the walk-in and Andrew starts to stand up. Nathaniel shakes his head violently and grabs a bottle of beer before slamming the door shut. He knocks the cap off against the edge of the counter and holds it out to his uncle, but Stuart is staring at the empty takeout cartons he’d left by the sink.

"What's all this then?"

"Jean brought us food, then went back home to rest.” He lies easily, though his heart does trip a bit. Stuart nods.

"Mm, gotta eat every now and then." Stuart takes the bottle and then a sip. He makes a face. "I know you're young yet, but this tastes like shit."

"Sorry."

"I'll need a bit of a buzz if I'm going to be dealing with Ichirou. No matter how it tastes." Stuart looks at the bottle then takes a longer drink, grimacing again. "Goddamn kid, do you have taste buds?"

"According to Jean, no." Nathaniel says, earning a rare grin from his uncle. Stuart puts his hand on his shoulder.

"How's he doing?"

"He's alright." Nathaniel says. "I took care of him."

"Good." Stuart sighs. "Almost felt sorry for that little fucker out there. Who the fuck dumps their partner to save their own skin..." He stares into space for a moment then turns on his heel, taking the beer with him. "See you later, Nat. Don't forget to clean up."

[havenesc]

✨🥕💥🛏️ for the ask game!!!

(writer goal ask list for new year)

THANK U FOR THE ASKS BIRDIE <3333

✨What's one area of your writing that you think needs the least amount of improvement?

Honestly I usually like how I write action or how I write tension! I write a lot of sports/combat sequences and I feel like they've always flowed fairly well.

Also pining. Lmao. I feel very confident in writing pining -- and that goes for more than romance! Just the emotion/sensation of "want!"

🥕 What's one area of your writing that you think needs the most amount of improvement?

OOGH I think general... prose?? Sometimes my writing "voice" fluctuates and I think I want to work on getting more consistency with how I write in general!

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

I'm going to put both.... because there's no rules I do what I wANT.

like someone else I know, cmatdsdw has grabbed me by the neck and shook me around!! I'm very excited to write one-shots of various immortal jason struggles, bonus if it's from sofia's perspective.

“It’s a long story — alright, alright,” He grimaces as Sofia takes one step closer, personal space broached, and presses the gun to his head harder. “Look, if you’re asking for a complete Jason Todd Compendium, I don’t remember half of it. I was dead and then I wasn’t; I only — really, christ, Sofia, put the gun down. You’re giving me six different options to break your fucking arm right now.” Sofia doesn’t move, her finger a ghost on the trigger. “I don’t believe you.” “Believe me about the arm? Or believe me about—“ “Jason Todd has been dead for four years.” Sofia stares up at him, trying to reconcile the mass of a human in front of her with the boy she had met at a gala Selina had managed an invite to. He would have been thirteen at the time. Sofia remembers him; he had been small for his age. A byproduct of his earlier years, Selina would later tell her.  Jason had sidled right up next to her at the dessert table, helped himself to the baklava, and smiled around a too-big bite. “You’re Sofia Gigante,” The boy had said, matter-of-fact, but without the usual malice or wariness that accompanied any recognition of Sofia.  She remembers Bruce Wayne’s stare, heavy and piercing from all the way across the floor. The biggest don’t talk to him she had ever seen, a warning shot at her feet. She remembers looking back at the boy with a polite, sly smile. “So I am.”

and my jason rancher au!! i am working on a lot of different sections of this all at once, but it's really half and half: jason, who gets to find a life outside of vigilantism while he tries to figure out where to go from the situation he's been put in, and dick, still in gotham/bludhaven, trying to pick up the trail on the disappearance of jason todd.

“He murdered over two dozen men!” Bruce is trying to shout him down but Dick has always known how to handle men bigger than him, has always known how to handle Bruce—  “So what did you do?!” Dick roars back, as powerful as all the lions in Haly’s circus, bone-rattling as it echoes. Bruce’s pause is enough for Dick’s foot in the door. “What did you do to him that night? Why was his helmet accessible to some asshole on the street? Why are they saying you killed him?” Dick knows, in the game of logic and emotion, that there has been no filicide. He’s known since the day he read in the Gazette that Batman had sent Joker back to Arkham in a body cast instead of a body bag that very first time that no matter the pomp and circumstance, Bruce is incapable of killing. Jason has done so much worse. Jason could do so much worse, if he wanted to.  But so could Bruce, too.  Bruce is looking back at Dick like they’ve already come to blows, like he’s nursing grave wounds and trying to push through. Dick hates fighting with him — hates that it comes so easily, after all these years spent together, and even worse, Dick knows how to be efficient about it. He knows what words hurt, which ones force Bruce to look at his actions from a different angle, how to turn field necessities into the tragedies they really are.  “I didn’t see him,” Bruce says, hard-edged. He’s good at hiding. “Jason escaped before I reached the safehouse. He didn’t leave anything behind.”

🛏️ Is there a new trope you'd like to write this year?

AAAH man good question!!! I don't have a specific trope in mind, I have overarching plots I'm usually gnawing on in my brain. Probably finishing the 5+1 I started with Dick and Jason brotherisms!

[lauryn-order]

Anyway. I could really use someone being proud of me. I did something really big a couple weeks ago.

I blocked my piece of shit ex for the first time in the 11 years he's been in my life.

I didn't block him when he kicked me out after abusing me and left me with nothing to my name. And it took a little while to block him after killing my cat because I felt like I needed to write my feelings out first and I wasn't ready to that at first.

I worked hard and got ready.

I wrote a final message saying everything I needed to say and immediately blocked him afterwards.

I'm going to share it here, but please know it's a massive trigger warning for pet death. Don't feel like you have to read it. I'm mostly posting for myself.

But anyway. Be proud of me for finally doing the big, scary thing?

This will be my final message to you. I’ve been trying to write this since the night she died but I’ve been incapable because of how much pain I’ve been in. Every time I tried I’ve had a panic attack, but today I’m pushing through it. 

I’m beyond broken. The only reason I’ve been living for the past year and a half is because I was fighting every fucking day to get back to a place to get her back. She was my goal in life. Without her I have no reason to do anything. I have no purpose or goal in life. I’m done. 

Before I say this next part, know I don’t think you did this maliciously to get back at me or to harm her. I don’t think you’re evil. 

However. You failed me for the last time in the most heinous way possible. You killed my baby. I might’ve been the one to make that final decision, but you left me no choice. Your actions killed her, and in doing so, you’ve killed my soul. 

I left her with you with the promise of daily pictures, seeing her whenever I wanted and that you’d take care of her. 

Her death day was the only time I was allowed to see her this year. 

I begged you for pictures and updates and barely received any. It would take days and weeks to get you to even reply. 

I begged you to let me visit her and you denied me constantly. It took me getting raped to be able to spend any sort of quality time with her. 

I begged you to let me drop presents off for her and you denied me. I still have her Valentine’s gifts in my car that you continually wouldn’t let me give to her. 

You made me miss out on the last 1.5 years of her life. I tried. I begged. I pleaded. I didn’t miss it because I didn’t make the effort. You made the decision to keep me out of her life. You broke your promises. You made my biggest nightmare become reality. 

But. I have never felt an ounce of empathy from you on that front. So let’s get down to the last day of her life. 

You called me and told me to take her to the vet because of her breathing and that she had matted fur. 

Matted fur. You were very fucking clear on that. Told me the reasons cats might have matted fur. Clarified it multiple times. 

Anyway. We’ll get back to that. You said you thought she had a cold. Made it sound like no big deal. Said it just started an hour or two ago when you called me. 

Which, let’s not forget, was just hours after you and I admitted we had feelings for each other. Did you know for awhile but only tell me once I said I liked you again because you knew I’d see her soon? Did you finally check on her because of talking to me again and just see for the first time after days?

These aren’t illogical emotional questions, this is me trying to understand what the fuck happened. 

Because I was calm. You made it seem like no biggie. I was actually excited because I was going to take her home with me to recover. But then I took her out of the carrier at the vets when the tech came in, took my first real look at her, and IMMEDIATELY started panicking. 

That wasn’t the cat I left and entrusted with you. I didn’t recognize this cat. 

I took one look at her chest. One. Fucking. Look. And I broke. 

How fucking dare you tell me she had matted fur. There’s no way in hell that’s what you thought. You’re not dumb. 

In what world did that not look like a fucking tumor? It was rock hard, and visible to the naked eye. You don’t have to be a cat expert to know what that was. That shit doesn’t show up same day, Ray. How long had you been neglecting her? How long had all three of y’all been neglecting her? Three fucking people in that house and nobody noticed tumors growing on her chest? 

I knew then that this was going to be the worst day of my life. From one fucking look. But then the vet continued and it got even worse. 

She hadn’t drank anything in days. Days. She was so fucking beyond dehydrated. If you were changing her water you’d notice nothing had been consumed. I don’t care if there’s three people there or not, you should notice if you’re changing it and it hasn’t gone down at all. Someone should’ve noticed. Someone could’ve saved her. 

They couldn’t even get a pulse in her legs, she was so far gone. 

We asked the vet to be crystal clear. He said there was no way in hell that my baby was only sick one day. He said this has been a long time coming due to the condition she was in and the neglect she had suffered. 

Do you know how embarrassing it was to have to explain myself and my situation to all the staff because they were very clear my cat was a victim of neglect? All the while trying to come to terms that the first time I saw my cat this year was going to be the last day of her life. 

Where were you, Ray? Too busy getting drunk and sleeping to notice the one thing you were supposed to take care of and protect was actively dying?

You didn’t even have the decency to come with us to the appointment. Is that because you knew? You knew and you couldn’t bear to see me when I found out the truth? Too scared you’d have to explain yourself to the doctors and know you could get in legal trouble bringing her in because she was in that bad of a condition?

Let me describe it to you since you weren’t there. 

I held her. I apologized over and over again for failing her. I apologized over and over again for leaving her with you and trusting you. 

They came in to put the catheter in and warned me it would be rough due to her extreme dehydration. I didn’t quite understand how rough. 

Have you ever heard a cat scream in pain, Ray? I hadn’t until that moment. She was terrified but too weak to run away. She tried though. They had to hold her down while she screamed and I sobbed. She pissed everywhere because she was in so much pain. Taylor eventually sent me out of the room because she knew I couldn’t handle it. 

She stayed with her though. She called the doctor in and demanded they move her away from the room and into the back so I would stop hearing her screams. She stayed and listened while Cat Face suffered in her last moments and talked to her until she calmed down. She told her how hard I was trying to get her back and everything I did the past year to work towards getting her back. 

She stayed and listened to her scream so that she wouldn’t be alone because I literally wanted to kill myself listening to them and couldn’t take it. 

She had only met her once, the day when we dropped her off. But yet she was there for her final moments. Where were you? Oh right, at home drunk. 

They came back into the euthanasia room. I got my chance to say my final goodbyes. At one point, Cat tried to get away. But she was too weak and couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to press the button for them to come in. Taylor did it for me when I asked her to. They gave her the first shot and I’ll never forget the face she made. Her eyes were bulging. Her tongue was sticking out. She looked nothing like the cat I knew and loved. It was terrifying and heart breaking and is an intrusive image in my head. 

Then they gave her the second shot. The doctor listened for her heart and told me she was gone. 

Ray. The sound that came out of me… it haunts me. I wish you had heard it so it would haunt you too. I’ve never wailed the way I wailed at that moment. I begged him to take her and collapsed in Taylor’s arms. 

Since then I’ve been borderline suicidal. The only reason I’m not is because I think of her calming me down from panic attacks or taking care of me while you screamed at me and I was a wreck. She wouldn’t want that. 

The only emotions I truly feel are pain, sadness, emptiness and guilt. Everything that made me me feels gone. I have no hope. I have no purpose. You took that from me by neglecting her. 

I can’t sleep. Every time I try I see her dead face and hear her screaming. I keep myself up until my body shuts down. The only times I sleep well at night are when I’ve stayed up for days and physically can’t any longer or when I hold her box of ashes. 

I can’t work. I got my team at work the day after she died and have panic attacks daily while trying to work. How am I supposed to work when everything I was working for is gone? 

I can’t take care of myself. I can’t function. I can’t do anything. All because of your actions, or lack thereof. 

I don’t know what to do now. 

However, what I do know is the second I saw her out of her carrier you lost me for the rest of your life. 

I loved you. I was there for you. I begged you to let me help you. I wanted nothing more than to be part of your life and do whatever I could for you. 

You officially lost the one person who understood you like no other. Who loved you despite everything you’ve put me through in the past. You lost your person. 

I hope that hurts. And if it does hurt like I hope it does, still know it’s only a fraction of the pain I’m feeling. 

I’ve been through more than anyone should ever go through. You know that. But know nothing has hurt me as much as this has.

Know you could’ve saved her. Know she died because of your inactions. Know her death is on your hands. Know there’s no excuse or anything you could say to bring me back to you. Know you broke me. Know you failed me. Know you failed her, when she showed you nothing but unconditional love. 

She was innocent. You are not. 

Goodbye forever. 

[xazz]

Eric and her Builds. All with dripped out Dresstiny because you can't kill aliens if you don't look cute!

Legion duds. No real Build. Can use multiple exotics but I'm a weirdo and can be happy without an exotic. I swap out exotics as needed pretty generic Jack of All Trades Master of None style build bc I'm usually playing with @acel1en and I don't gotta think about it lol

So many moths. I have like... 100% grenade up time on the moths even when not using the Eris Gun. Just... so many moths. Blue moths, purple moths. All the moths!

'So I heard you need me on tether'. Generic Orpheus big tether build. I bring it out for raids/dungeons mostly. I just changed it's drip but I might need to again. Brown.

Hard Content/Stay Alive At All Costs/High Invis Uptime Build. Did the drip on this one a week or so ago and I love it. This comes out for GMs or fucking Simmumah because I can basically be invis forever. It's also the 'Ambulance' Build bc you go invis and revive your fireteam bc they DIED

Generic Lots of Blade Barrage Build. It's fun! Lots of super regen. Also she's so fucking cute! Spark of Joy my beloved. This replaced my YAS build after the nerf.

Toxic Strand Dive Build. I made it for PvP when threaded specter was really good. You go in deep, dodge out when you find someone nearby, the bombardiers damage the enemy and trigger the specter. Specter explodes and spawns threadlings. If the specter doesn't kill outright after the chip from the bombardiers the threadlings will get ya. It doesn't work all the time but BOY it's fucking funny when it does. Works good in PvE so long as I'm not playing with Ace bc he doesn't understand the concept of 'don't kill absolutely everything so I can get my silly build to work'.

Dance of Death Invis Arc Hunter. Pretty generic invis Arc Hunter for solo or team content. Good in lower level end game content like dungeons or raids. Great survivability if there's lots of trash mobs to kill. Produces Orbs of Light like it's its fucking job.

Generic Stasis Build. I am not good at piloting it at all XD Supposedly it gives me good resilience and has good survivability but I'm too stupid for it. I just wanna throw fucking supers man. It's my only Stasis build atm tho.

Fuck You Throwing Knife build. I'm not the best at piloting this one because you need to get into a groove with it. But once you get it you have unlimited throwing knives and your super builds up SUPER fast. It requires a bit more thinking than I often wanna keep track of.

Generic Fuck You Big Arc Build. You go up and punch things, make orbs, get Feast of Light 4 and slam your fucking stick into the nearest biggest pool of health points. Repeat. Generates a fuck ton of orbs but really relies on lots of ads to survive.

Newest build. All the Bey Blades. I made this build this week and it is INSANE. It makes so many tangles and in turn makes so many whirling maelstroms/beyblades. It's a very high risk build though since a lot of your tangles are made using grapple melee. Also has incredible uptime on the threaded spike. This build was just 'I wanna throw my knife a lot and make 1000 tangles'. It's so fucking fun in the Coil

[kemetic-dreams]

Why is it every move I make turns out to be a bad one? Where's my guardian angel? Need one, wish I had one I'm right here, shorty, and I'ma hold you down You trying to fuck all these bitches? I'ma show you how But who-? (Name's D, like you, but my friends call me Damien) And I'ma put you hip to something (uh-huh) about this game we in You and me could take it there, and you'll be The hottest nigga ever living (that's a given?) You'll see Hmm, that's what I've been wanting all my life Thinkin' about my little man, so I call my wife Well, your dada is about to make it happen (What you mean, my nigga?) I'm about to make it rapping Today I met this cat, he said his name was Damien He thinks that we're a lot alike and wants to be my friend (You mean like Chuckie?) Ha ha, yeah, just like Chuckie (Dada, looks like we both lucky) Yeah

The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog?

Ay-yo, D (What up, D?) You's a smooth nigga I seen you when nobody knew who pulled the trigger Yeah, you know, it's always over dough You sure? I could have swore it was over a hoe Nah, nah, that ain't my style (igga, you stay fronting) But you're still my man, and I ain't gonna say nothin' Got some weed? Go 'head, smoke it (what?) Go 'head, drink it (what?) Go 'head and fuck shorty, you know I can keep a secret (aight) I'm about to have you driving, probably a Benz But we gotta stay friends, blood out, blood in Sounds good to me, fuck it, what I got to lose? Hmm, nothin' I can think of, any nigga would choose Got me pushing the whips, takin' trips across seas Pockets stay laced, nigga, I floss Gs For that nigga I would bleed, give him my right hand Now that I think about it, yo, that's my man!

The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog?

You like how everything is going? You like what I gave ya? You know if you was going down, I'd be the one to save ya But yo, I need a favor, these cats across town hate me Plus their behavior hasn't been too good lately What? Anything for you, dog, where them niggas at? 38th from Broadway (aight, let me get the gat) Run up on 'em strapped, bust off caps in four niggas Laid low for 'bout a month then killed two more niggas Now I'm ready to chill, but you still want me to kill Look at what I did for you! Dog, come on, keep it real! Aight, fuck it, I'ma do it, who is it this time? Ayy-yo, remember that kid Sean you used to be with in '89? Nah, that's my man! (I thought I was your man?) But yo, that's my nigga (hey, who's your biggest fan?) Either do it or give me your right hand, that's what you said I see now, it ain't nothing but trouble ahead (uh-huh)

The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog?

In the fog, the fog, living in the fog How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? How you gon' see him if you living in the fog? The snake, the rat, the cat, the dog To be continued, motherfuckers Ah-hahahahaha

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

Dear Dad,

Do you ever think of me? Do you miss me? I often find myself wondering what our relationship could have been, had you been a better man. Kinder. Softer. If you had loved me.

Do you ever regret the things you did to me? The ways you hurt me. The way you let him hurt me. Were you just young and stupid and grew up to realize how wrong you were? Or are you still the cold, bitter person I remember.

I wonder what you would think about your granddaughter. Not that I would ever let you near her. Her soul is too sweet and pure to be poisoned by your darkeness. I would protect her from you in the ways my mom failed to protect me. But would you love her? It is just me that you are incapable of loving?

Why did you hate me so much? I was so little. Helpless. What could I have possibly done to make you treat me like that? You were suppose to protect me dad, so why didn't you? What was so wrong with me that even the biological instinct to love your child wasn't enough for you to care aboit me? Was I that much of a poison to you?

I'm sorry I gave up on you. I'm sorry I left. I know you hate me for it. You didn't think I was strong enough to break free, to shed the weight of you in my life. The truth is I didn't do it out of strength. I did it out of fear. After our last visit I really thought you were going to kill me. You pointed it at me and pulled the trigger. But you missed and I made sure you never got another shot.

I wish I could say that I put you behind me, but I'd be lying. You still flood my mind often. It's not just my brain that remembers you, my body does too. I have lifelong trauma from my time with you that even grueling work in therapy isn't healing. That is blood on your hands, not that you give a shit. I hate that you still take up space in my life but it's hard to let go when I really loved you. I tried so hard to make you love me back. I stayed longer that I should of fighting for a man who didn't want me. I want you to know that is my biggest regret in life. You don't deserve me. You don't deserve my love. You don't deserve to be a part of the beautiful life I cultivated for myself despite your best efforts to make me feel inferior.

You told me I would never amount to anything. You said no one could love me. You said I was stupid and weak and would never make anything for myself.

Well, fuck you. You were wrong.

[mondaychildsworld]

I know the end - Joel x Reader

Previous chapter / Next chapter

Part One / ?

Rating: M

Word Count: 3.7K

Chapter summary: reader unexpectedly finds herself face to face with and old friend. That friend turns out to be Joel. He unwillingly accepts to help her, only to find that the situation escalates and they have to flee to survive.

Warnings: canon-typical violence, mention of drugs, swearing, gun violence, death of a character, blood and injuries, arguments and some angst.

A/N: Hiii. I'm well aware that nobody will ever read this, I guess. Other than myself, lol. So I don't know why I even write this note. Well, I've fallen down the Pedro Pascal rabbit hole and I'm currently rewatching the whole series with my boyfriend. I guess I felt a little inspired, and I have lots of time to kill right now so it's been nice to get into writing a bit. I have always enjoyed writing, but this is my first ever fanfiction, and english is not my first language so please be kind to me. Also I've only watched the TV-show and haven't played the game so I'm sorry if I get something wrong. Enjoy! ✨

November 14th 2023

You slowly put one foot in front of the other. You’ve been out in the woods for a couple of hours now. The strap of your rifle cuts uncomfortably into your shoulder. It’s cold and you barely feel your toes anymore. But that’s not your biggest problem right now. You gaze up towards the sky, the morning sun fights its way through the clouds. It’s so quiet.

Suddenly you hear the sound of wings flutter in the distance. After a couple of seconds you see the birds fleeing whatever scared them off. You follow them with your gaze, and then drop it to the location they came from. 

You freeze for a second. Only moving your eyes, keeping every muscle in your body as still as possible. In the far distance between a couple of trees, you see something. You start to move, as slowly and quietly as you can. You reach for the rifle on your back the moment you see the little rabbit minding its own business. Totally unaware of your intentions. 

It’s not a big rabbit, but you need it. It will definitely not solve your problem. But it’s food for another day. 

You make your way through the snow, between the birch trees  until you’re close enough to get a good aim. The forest is mostly white, with the occasional black pattern on the birches. This makes you vulnerable, you have nowhere to hide. But the same goes for the rabbit.

You aim your weapon. Take a deep breath. Exhaling as you reach for the trigger. You let a couple of seconds pass. Just as you’re about to pull the trigger there’a a snapping sound of a twig breaking and the rabbit runs away.

“Oh fuck.” you quietly say to yourself as you lower the rifle.

Only to look up to see a man. With another rifle pointing at you. The same second that you see him, your body goes rigid and you grab the rifle once again.

“What do you want?” you ask the man. “Go after the rabbit for all you want, just leave me be.”

The man stays quiet. It’s hard to tell what he looks like from here. All you can see is a muted brown jacket, dark jeans and some silver strands in his dark hair. Behind him is a small elevation of some boulders covered in snow. Behind you, an open landscape scattered with the pale trees. There’s no chance you can outrun him here. There’s no place to hide behind the birches. 

“Why are you out here?” the man asks and you let out a sigh. He seems to be very much living and breathing. But you just have to ask.

“Are you infected?”

“What the, no…” the man says. “Do I look infected to you?”

“No.” you simply answer.

“Well aren’t you smart.” the man says and sighs and shifts his rifle a little. 

That’s when you see him. You know this man, you’ve seen him before. But you’re so far from home, or whatever you can call home. You shouldn't recognize someone out here. This is far away from everything you’ve ever known. You lower your rifle. 

“Back to my question,” he continues. “Why are you-”

But you cut him off. You do recognize this man.

“Joel?” 

He freezes for a second. But slowly relaxes and lowers his gun. 

“What?” he says. The man looking at you is definitely Joel. You know him. You know him from Boston QZ.

“Joel, do you remember me?” you say. “From the QZ.”

He squints at you and lets a few seconds pass until he says your name. You nod.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“It’s a long story…” you start. Not wanting to share too much.

“Doesn’t we all have a long story.” he mumbles and starts walking towards you as he puts his rifle on his back. 

You feel like you know him. But you actually don’t. He’s never been too much of a talker. He’s not the one who shares his story. Not that you really had done that either. But you knew him. From your everyday life. And you knew Tess. Better than you ever knew Joel, anyway. 

It’s not like you knew him from before. At the time around the outbreak you were living in Chicago with your sister. And you believe Joel was from Texas… right? This just proves how much you know about the man in front of you. Back then there were only you and your sister doing what you're supposed to do in your mid twenties. You used to share an apartment, working in different bars and restaurants while your sister studied for her bachelor in economics. 

Your thoughts about your sister reminds you of where you are standing now, and why.

“I, uhm, actually,” you start. “My sister-”

But that’s how far you get until you get distracted. A tiny head pops up behind one of the boulders behind Joel. He realizes you put your focus somewhere else and turns around. 

“Ellie!” he scolds, while a young girl climbs up on the boulder, looking down at you two. “No, I told you to stay back!”

“Well, if you weren’t taking all day talking to her I might’ve had the patie-”

“No.” Joel cuts her off. “That’s not how things work here and you know it.”

He frowns and looks back at you. It looks like Joel contemplates his options for a moment before he speaks again. 

“Well, this is Ellie.” he sighs and you can see the frustration in his eyes. You can only guess that it wasn’t by choice he got stuck with a teenage girl. 

You smile and tell the girl your name. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Enough with the pleasantries.” Joel mutters. 

“Does she come with us now?” Ellie asks. “Because you two do know each other. I'm not fucking stupid.”

You and Joel both stay silent as you watch Ellie climb down the small boulder covered in snow. The sunshine has reached its way through the clouds now, making the snow glimmer as you watch the girl's feet reach the frozen ground. 

Joel looks at you once more. Studying your face, probably looking for any reason at all to just leave you here as you were, all alone. The sun makes the gray strands in his hair shine like silver and you can’t help but notice the scar on his temple. You have seen it before, but it always made you wonder.

“There’s a lot of raiders out here.” he just simply says, looking a bit concerned. But that expression quickly changes for a more determined one. “But we can’t just pick up strays along the way, Ellie. No offense."

His gaze shifts between you and Ellie for a moment. You decide to try. There must be some sort of fate of bumping into a friend, or even just an acquaintance in the forest somewhere in Nebraska… or? That was also one of your problems. You didn't quite know where you were, exactly. You and your sister had been going north for a while, after you finally reunited in Oklahoma after some time apart. And now you were kind of stuck somewhere in Nebraska. Your plan was to go through Kansas City and make your way up to Chicago. But early on you met a group fleeing Kansas City, claiming there was nothing other than hell in that direction. You never got the details about the situation, other than some stuff about infected crawling up from the underground. So both you and your sister decided you heard enough to change your route and plans. That was before she got injured. 

So, you decide to try. “Please don’t leave me.” you stutter out.

That just sounded pathetic. Great. Your voice sounded more fragile than you imagined it would. But the thought of your sister almost brought tears into your eyes. You quickly swallowed and brushed away a strand of hair from your face. You try again.

“I mean, please, I don’t really know where we are,” you say, your voice more steady now. “We have nothing, Julie is injured and alone right now. If you leave-”

“Julie?” Joel asks, furrowing his brows.

“My sister.”

He nods and sighs once again. 

“Where are you heading?” he asks.

“Originally, to Chicago-” you start but get disrupted once more.

“Well we’re not going that way so I guess this is where we say our goodbyes.” Joel says and turns to Ellie. “Let’s go.”

Joel grabs her arm and starts to walk away from you. But the teenage girl shrugs him off. 

“You’re just gonna leave her? You dick.” She says. Joel stops and looks at her for a moment.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna leave her. I have enough cargo as it is.” he says in a sour tone. “She’s a grown woman and can clearly handle herself.”

You don’t feel like there’s anything left to say. You know there’s no point in arguing with Joel. And this teenager he’s traveling with for whatever reason, even referring to her as ‘cargo’, just makes you roll your eyes. You tried. He said no. He doesn’t want to listen anymore. You don’t have time for just standing here listening to them bicker about what to do.

The strap of the rifle cuts into your shoulder once again. You’re reminded of why you’re out here and decide to return to your sister. As you turn around to silently walk away with a sigh you’re surprised as you hear steps following your way. In the corner of your eye you see the teenage girl appearing to your left side. 

“It won’t hurt to be a little helpful sometimes.” she mutters back to the heavier steps right behind you. Joels steps. This little teenage girl apparently got him to, perhaps, do something for another human. And getting nothing in reward. You smile a little to yourself.

“Thank you.” you say, and make eye contact with the teenager. Ellie shyly smiles back as the three of you make your way zigzag through the white forest. 

Julie whines as you gently remove the bandage around her thigh. You can see in her eyes that it hurts a lot. She’s pale and dull under the sweat on her face. This isn’t just your usual gun wound to stitch up and go about your day. You know the injury got infected. You have no knowledge in medicine, you could say. You knew your pills, unfortunately. But you were far from a nurse. And you had run out of your small stash a long time ago, so you couldn’t even ease her pain. 

“It’s just a gun wound?” Joel asks. “Are you sure she’s not bitten anywhere? Not infected?”

“Yeah, I’m fucking sure.” you tell him. “Unless raiders shoot cordyceps bullets.”

“Not funny.” Julie whispers from where she lays under you on the floor.

You reach for your bottle of water and try to rinse the wound. Julie cries out and the sound echoes in the empty waiting hall. 

Who would've guessed there would be an actual train station in the middle of the woods. The brick building is old and taken over by nature. It’s not big, but it’s enough shelter from the snow. Some of the windows are broken so some snow has reached inside despite the thick walls. 

“I’m gonna let Joel take a look at you.” you try to assure your sister. “It’s all fine, I know him from the Boston QZ, he’ll help you.” you nod to your sister, stroking her cheek feeling her hot skin.

“Right?” you say as you stand up next to Joel. His expression says something completely else though. The big red spot on the light gray stone floor should also tell you something about the outcome of this. But you’re determined that this will not be the end. The end is not near.

“I mean…” Joel sighs as he kneels on the floor next to Julie. You give him a stern look and he lowers his gaze to the wound. “Sure, we’ll see what we can do.”

You’ve cut open your sister's jeans to easily access the wound. It’s too cold to take any clothes off here. But your sister is sweating and quietly rambles something through the shivers. You force yourself to turn around. This is not the end. You squeeze your eyes shut.  You’ve been in each other's lives since the day you were born. Having a twin has been both a curse and a blessing. You don’t look a lot like each other though. Your parents always joked that they got one kid each. Julie always had a slender build, brown, wavy hair and a face full of freckles. Just like your mom. And you were a spitting image of your dad. Blonde, straight hair with more of an athletic build. 

As you hear Julie whimper and cry out once again you force yourself to open your eyes. On the other side of the train station sits Ellie on one of the old benches. She swings her legs back and forth with a troubled look on her face. Above of her is the rest of what used to be an old timetable for the train station. If the old sign hadn’t been spray painted over with graffiti, you might’ve gotten a name of the station and could figure out where the hell you were. Now it was covered in paint, dust and mold, making it impossible to read. 

“Just stay still and rest, Julie” you hear Joel say. “It’s going to be just fine.”

You turn around to Joel while he rises to his feet again. Struggling a little bit on the way. This makes him look even older. It looks like his back may hurt, and it makes his movements stiff. He mouths something to you and you assume it’s somewhere along the lines of ‘let’s talk’, and gestures for you to step outside. 

You take a deep breath and head towards the big wooden door towards the tracks, pushing it open, blinded by the immediate light from the winter sun. Joel is just a couple of steps behind you. In front of you stands the carriages of an old abandoned train.

“Don’t go anywhere and don’t touch anything.” he tells Ellie before he shuts the door behind you. He turns and looks you straight into your eyes. “Look, I’m no doctor or anything.”

You know where this is going. You clench your teeth together and avoid his eyes. Your gaze lands on your feet covered by your thick black boots. No. No, this is not it. You hear Joel's voice saying your name. It sends a shiver down your spine. He sounds serious. You look up once more, your frightened gaze meeting his eyes.

“I’m sorry, honestly.” he says softly. “As I said, I don’t really know any medical stuff. But I know when it’s too late.”

His words feels like a punch to your stomach. The world spins and you feel a bit nauseous. This was not how it was supposed to end. You just got back together. You try to blink away the burning feeling behind your eyelids.

“No, no.” You quietly answer. It’s like you can’t access your vocabulary anymore. There’s so much you want to say but your mind is just blank. A panicked blank with only denial. You close your eyes and all you see is your sister, very much alive. 

Joel starts saying something but you can’t really put the words together as the world spins. Suddenly the doors open, and you immediately try to get back to reality. Ellie’s face peeps out, looking stressed. 

“There’s someone on the other side!” Ellie says, frightened. “I heard some voices, and saw three men when I looked through the window.”

“Fuck.” Joel mumbles and looks around worried, and starts shoving Ellie towards the old train behind you. “Get on the train and hide!”

You start to panic.

“But, Julie is-” you start, but a large hand grabs you by the shoulder and shoves you back into the train. You flinch as your back collides with the metal  and look up only to see Joel staring down at you. 

“I tried to tell you nicely,” he hisses towards you, clenching his teeth together. “She’s gone.”

He lets go of his grip on your shoulder and looks you up and down while he slowly walks backwards grabbing his rifle. He didn’t lie when he said that there could be raiders around here.

“Train – now.” he says once more and you angrily make your way into the carriage as he walks to the corner of the house, trying to get a look of who you’re dealing with. 

You shake your head while you grab your own rifle from behind. As you make your way through the carriage something grabs your ankle. You squirm and let out a small scream. Taking a few steps back pointing your rifle down, ready to fire – you’re met with the eyes of the teenage girl you know nothing more of than her name. She hushes at you and puts her finger up towards her lips.

You’re relieved it's her, hunched down between the train seats, and not an infected left behind in the train. 

“I could’ve shot you!” you whisper as you quickly hunch down next to her. 

“Hide.” she just whispers back. “This way they won’t see you through the windows.”

You focus on your breathing. It’s quiet outside, but all you hear is the beat of your own heart and the blood rushing, making the silence unbearable. 

After just a couple of minutes that feels like seconds and hours at the same time, you hear a gunshot. You both twitch a bit at the sound. Looking nervously around but you don’t see anything. The voices of men can be heard in the distance and more gunshots are fired, closer this time. You start moving away to get further away in the carriage. You and Ellie crawl on the dirty train floor, dusty and covered in ice. You look back at the kid behind you, her red hoodie sticking up from inside of the green worn out jacket. She’s not really dressed for this weather.

You hear gunshots again and hear the pained screams of a man. You pull Ellie closer and put your head down. Quickly squeezing the two of you behind another pair of seats. Breathing shakily, feeling Ellie’s fast heartbeats under your arm as you’re hugging her close. 

There’s a creak of a carriage door. You feel the weight of the train shift a bit as someone enters the train. Fuck. There’s no place to run. You’re staying hidden right where you are, as long as the one who just entered the train decides to walk the other way. 

But of course that’s none of your luck, you think, as you slowly move your head a bit to make eye contact with Ellie.

“Do you have a gun?” you ask quietly, and she nods.

You take a deep breath and squeeze your eyes together in fear. The steps are getting closer.

“Stay down.” you whisper to Ellie as you reach for the trigger of your rifle and stand up. You look at the person who just entered the train through your aim.

“Stay back!” you fiercely say as the person puts their hands up slowly over their head.

“Hey, it’s me!” Joel whispers. “Get down! I told you to hide!”

You just started to realize who you had in front of you at the same moment as you hear a woman cry out in the distance. You freeze and all you hear is the cries… of your sister.

“No, no, no. Please, I don’t have anything- plea- please don’t-” you hear her beg loudly. Your head snaps to your side, through the train window and at the big wooden door that separates you from Julie. You start walking determined towards the exit of the train, try to squeeze past Joel as you hear your sister scream out. But he grabs your wrist, holding you back.

“Let me go!” you yell at him. 

“It’s been too late for a long time now and you know it.” he snaps back.

The screams of your sister goes silent as you hear one last gunshot. The world is not spinning anymore. It feels like the floor of the train gives in underneath you. You fall endlessly into a pitch black hole as you scream. The only thing holding you up the Joels firm grip of your wrist. 

“Up Ellie!” Joel instructs as he shows you further away in the wagon, your legs failing to walk. Ellie gets up and takes the lead, opening the door into the next wagon.

“Move.” Joel says aggressively and pushes you forward. You feel nauseous as you start to put one foot in front of the other. He mumbles right behind your ear, “If you don’t get yourself together and move your feet I’ll leave you here for the raiders to find.”

You take a deep breath and look up and sees Ellie’s worried face hold the door open for the two of you. As you take a step into the other carriage you wipe away your tears from your cheek. Behind you is the sound of Joel loading his gun. You keep on walking determined to get to the end of the train. You hear the gunshot when Joel pulls the trigger, but this time you don’t flinch. You’re feeling numb. You hear one of the windows of the train shatter as the bullet pierces through, and a loud thud of a body falling to the ground outside. But you don’t care, you don’t feel. You just move. 

“We need to leave,” Joel explains to you and Ellie. “There’s more coming, and by the time they get here we need to be gone.”

As you get to the end of the train Ellie opens the door, peeks outside and checks in both directions before she jumps outside, closely followed by you and Joel. 

Your feet hit the frozen ground. Usually, your knees would protest in some kind of way. You’re not a twenty-something anymore, and haven’t been in a long time. But you don’t feel anything. The sun is blinding, almost making the white snow unbearable to look at. 

As you start running away from the train, from the station and your sister you gaze up to the sky. This was not supposed to be the end, you think as you make your way alongside the old tracks.

[g-on-ef]

Omg 👁️👄👁️ hell nah 🤯🤯🤯 like I just saw the asks and that's crazy... Like bran going missing for a whole year 🥺🥺🥺 that's gonna put so much of emotional stress on everyone especially lan and I can already see bran having a severe mental breakdown because of that ( maybe worse than lia's) like not seeing any of his family will put one into depression ( like he is already depressed to the point of cutting himself) damn I just know now how much angsty it will get.

And I agree with you, we didn't get to see much bonding among the king siblings and cousins like yeah we know that they are close but it would have been better if we would have gotten to read about that too.

And I know the reunion between the brothers will be so good too . I am now more curious to see who finds Bran first. Now I am just praying for niko so that he can survive.

I can already see protective Levi, but are we also gonna see protective Johnathan and Aiden? In the book Aiden really did threaten niko

I am just so excited for the next chapters of to kidnap a lotus flower

As for born sinner damn that stalker is so crazy man, like to use bran's vulnerability to get to him. If he can go that far then I can't imagine what that stalker will do. I hope niko and lan team up again to save bran.

Also I can't wait to read the mafia arc and the kidnapping arc in the heart was build to break. I am so excited to see how niko will react about the bruises and learning about bran's past on why he harms himself. I also wanna see what actually triggers niko to take bran away and as I can assume here also bran goes missing for a long period of time. I can't wait to read more of this

Also I am excited for your other fics too

Oh honey Bran is gonna be a mess !!! Especially after seeing his brother being beaten down and the state Creighton was in poor baby is gonna have the worst case scenarios with Remi he's gonna be a hot mess.

Be prepared for the water works Bran is gonna have a severe case of depression and he and Niko are gonna be in for one emotional roller coaster that is gonna take a long while to heal especially with Bran and his cutting.

The Kings relationship is gonna play a huge role especially Glyn and Lan I wanna heal this relationship and make it better and I want them both to realize they fucked up Glyn with her willing to understand Kill but not Lan and Lan never giving Glyn a reason that he loved her or even cared about her

Jonathan is gonna be the biggest mess ever !!! Chapter 3 is gonna show how much Bran means to Jonathan but he's also gonna hate himself the most because he can't do anything {I'm so excited for yall to read why he can't and your reactions to it ^^}

Aiden is gonna have PTSD and flashbacks on the time he was kidnapped and left wondering if something bad is happening to his innocent nephew hell the poor man is gonna be a mess when he sees his son and the pain he's in

Niko will survive but will he try kidnapping Bran again after they come back since its gonna be a shit show ... ... ... hmmm 👀

But yes once Lan and Bran are reunited they are gonna be inseparable more on Lans part than Bran ^^

The stalker is gonna be a huge pain and yall are gonna how far he'll go no one is safe not even the girls {spoilers one of the girls ends up badly hurt to the point she ends up in a comoa because bran did something he did not approve of}

That stalker is not one to mess with and niko and lan are about to see the extent this crazy fucker will go ^^

Trust me no one is more excited for this arc than me I can't wait for yall to see the Mafia arc especially when Bran finds out omg I'm not gonna say anything else because I don't wanna spoil it ^^

Can't wait for yall to read the rest of these stories and see your reactions ^^

[infinitelycomplexpuzzles]

// So this is one of those things that perpetually drives me up the wall in terms of internal consistency.

You have a generally cool idea that allows for all these different powers to coexist at the same time without really needing to go any further. Sure, they might all be demons and devils and control entire realities and spent endless amounts of time warring against each other.

But none of them claim dominion over everyone else. Which means that for better or worse, you have a constant state of narrative flux where you can pull any of them out for your story without having to worry about what the others are doing.

You can use Mephisto as your villain without needing to really come up with what Surtur is up to, because they fundamentally don't effect each other in a practical sense. Surtur burns the world? That's bad, but there are lots of worlds. A few burning here and there is mostly no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

But then they immediately undermine this concept at the same time as introducing it by having it clearly stated that the Serpent is basically claiming dominion over all of them, and so the very notion brought up here, that if anyone actually attempted to claim to be the biggest bad he'd be destroyed, is refuted!

And sure, Mephisto is playing the long game, assuming that he's going to lose, but he can't know that, and thus for all intents and purposes, the Serpent is claiming dominion over everything and threatening all of them, and so while he's not literally sitting in that chair, he's figuratively doing so.

This is sort of why in the same issue they feel the need to handwave the issue of other pantheons taking umbrage with the idea that a Norse god is going to burn reality. Sure, it's logical that they all feel that they can just remake humanity as needed, but that's not the point.

Humanity itself might not be materially important, but generally speaking, gods take offense when you suddenly threaten things they consider theirs or dismiss their authority.

I had this same problem in War of the Realms, where apparently, none of the other pantheons gave a shit about their monuments being desecrated or their people being killed and the like.

And I'm not saying you have to entirely undercut your own characters by having the gods always step in and act directly. Most of mythology is about heroes getting fancy new toys from the Gods to go slay monsters and stuff. There's no reason why you can't have someone like Ra or Zeus or Susano-o decide that, yeah, I'm going to fuck with the person who's fucking with me, and give some mortal something fun, because go fuck yourself, person trying to end the world where I keep my shit.

In this very event, Cyttorak's chosen one is usurped, and while someone else does in fact get the nod for a bit, there's no reason why he shouldn't be doing everything in his power to empower lots of people, temporarily or otherwise, because again, divine beings don't like it when you take or steal or touch their shit without permission.

Actually, as an aside, the Agents of Atlas tie in for War of the Realms had a cool idea, where Kali the goddess of volcanoes shows up, due to fire giants claiming dominion over her turf, and then they ruin it by having it be a robotic double.

You had the potential of something really cool, and you fucked it up because you didn't pull the trigger! How is it that you can introduce cool concepts and totally misunderstand why they are cool and how they work and how they add things to your story????

[yutito]

I'm going to say this on here as well since it'll reach more people, but please please do not use the phrase "[my] intrusive thoughts won" or anything like it. intrusive thoughts are horrible thoughts about doing the things that disgust you the most, if you have them you do NOT want to do these things, theyre literally your biggest fears. they are commonly associated with ocd (though they can also be a symptom of other anxiety disorders) and they are so emotionally distressing it regularly drives people to suicide. these thoughts include pedophilia, incest, extreme violence, etc. people suffering from them are LEAST likely to do ANY of these things, since theyre fucking terrified of being/doing any of these things, and thus overcompensate by avoiding any and all things that might possibly trigger them.

They're not quirky thoughts that "win you over". if my intrusive thoughts ever "won" i would kill myself immediately after. what most people are referring to when they say this phrase are impulsive thoughts. mixing the two up contributes to and has already furthered stigma around intrusive thoughts — it implies that we secretly have a desire to do these things (EXACT opposite of what intrusive thoughts are) & causes people to treat PEOPLE ACTUALLY SUFFERING FROM THEM like freaks & horrible people when they desperately need help. it's just so so harmful please do not use that word like it's something quirky