#and that's great!!!!!!!!!!! because last time my therapist was almost calling people to actually get me out of uni and take me home again

[alasy]

How I'm still highly functional (my parameters) under this amount of stress and how it has not triggered any fucked up episode of anything (yet) is literally a miracle and I'm not even joking

[witchthewriter]

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐑𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐊𝐨̈𝐧𝐢𝐠

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!  

a/n: not a poly relationship - I just decided to have them both in one post. Let me know if you want more xx Also I went through the tags for these guys and there is nothing but SMUT. So I wanted some sweet sfw headcanons for the boys

Warnings: swearing, nsfw included (no one under 18 please).

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

INTJ

Ravenclaw

Neutral Good

Scorpio Sun, Capricorn Moon, Virgo Rising

𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐑𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐲/𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭

・This man is fucking dangerous behind the wheel. And although he is a hot-head occasionally, it isn't when he's driving.

・Simon knows he's shit, so when people honk at him, give him the finger - he just stone-faces it. Let's them berate him because really, he doesn't fucking care.

・However he has lost his licence a few times ... and so you told him he could be your &lt;3 passenger princess <3

・Simon wasn't amused ...

・Very much the protective type, verging on possessive. Not in an abusive way, but he wants everyone to know that you're his. So when anyone flirts with you - or even when they're a little too nice, his jealousy consumes him.

・Scary dog privledges, with and without the mask. This man is intimidating as fuck.

・6'4, wide shoulders and big hands, so it doesn't matter how you look, how tall you are etc - Simon is bigger, taller and stronger.

・Yes he can be a hardass, but when he loves someone, that roughness is somewhat smoothened out. He'd hate to hurt your feelings.

・He only wears his mask to hide his identity; he takes it off when missions are done.

・And when he's home, he rarely wears it.

・Absolutely HATES being jump-scared. And his reflexes take over (you've learnt from the first and last time)

・This goes with random kisses as well, sometimes you just have to make yourself known before touching Simon

・He isn't huge into PDA, but when outside he will gladly hold your hand, bump his shoulder into yours when you make a crappy dad joke.

・The biggest misconception is that he's cold. Well, at work - obviously he is. But at home, with you, he has so much warmth. A lot of life.

・He has great banter. Absolutely has both of you laughing your asses off.

・Calls you "love," "sweetheart," (all in his gruff, chiselled brit accent). And when you're alone, he calls you names like "my love," "hun," "sweet cheeks."

・You're slowly learning about Simon's past, which he shares little by little.

・Too much information and he's scared you might feel overwhelmed and leave him

・There's some deep trauma there, but the army has therapists and everyone gets checked out before they're deemed mentally healthy enough.

・He does want kids, but only after he's done with the military. He would hate to be an absent father in any way. And he wouldn't want you to have that full responsibility.

・A lot of people characterise him as this traumatised man who can barely look after himself. But that is far, faaaaar from the truth. He's very competent. And he eats a LOT. But he also works out (to keep in shape, he actually hates the gym) (also he doesn't expect you to do anything of that stuff. He loves you for you.)

・I also have this headcanon that Ghost/Riley would love Metallica, Slipknot, Black Sabbath etc. It's one of the things that calm him down. However, if he's had an overwhelming day, he needs no noise whatsoever.

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Teases Them (You) x About To End Them (Ghost)

The Moon and His Star

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Opposites Attract

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Say Yes To Heaven by Lana Del Rey

Arsonist's Lullabye by Hozier

Enter Sandman by Metallica

𝑁𝑆𝐹𝑊 🔞 No one under the age of 18 past this point, I bloody mean it. 

・There's almost like two sides of your s/o. The Ghost side, where the mask stays on, and he's rough, possessive, dominant. And then the Simon side, where he likes soft touches and when you gently stroke his face

・You've both discovered that Simon likes it when you wear his mask, gloves - nothing else - and touch yourself.

・Even with your cum juices on the mask, and gloves, he'll still wear them to work.

・It's the only kinky thing he brings with him while on deployment. You did want to take a naked polaroid for him but he didn't trust the other guys not to somehow see it.

・He likes keeping you as separate from army life as much as possible. Because you feel like home, and it gives him hope.

・Ghost loves taming your bratty side. He's short, demanding and can shut you up with one look.

"Keep on actin' like that, and see what happens."

・Of course you keep acting up, and when you get home, you pay for it tenfold.

・Ghost's hands are as big as a paddle, and when he has you over his knee, ass up in the air. He doesn't hesitate in leaving red marks (all consensual. He wouldn't do anything without having a conversation before hand).

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

ISTP

Hufflepuff

Chaotic Good

Aries Sun, Aquarius Moon, Leo Rising

𝐊𝐨̈𝐧𝐢𝐠

・A 6'10 king, who suffers from social anxiety but has this soft, silly side that he loves showing you and only you (I will take no criticisms on his height. It is LAW. My law.)

・Because of his anxiety, social aspects of life are much harder than work. He's highly skilled in combat, and has a lot of confidence in his abilities to accomplish missions.

・However, when you tried to speak to him, all he could do was stutter.

・You allowed him to get the words out, but he was an absolute mess afterwards and went to go train.

・But this didn't deter you in the slightest. Hell, you had been trying to muster the courage to speak to him for weeks...

・It took a while for Konig to open up about his past, especially his adolescence.

・He's told you the jist of it, but there's details that you don't push him on.

・One of your favourite pastimes together is going to bakeries and eating the most delicious pastries.

・When you're feeling down, or there's something to celebrate, there's no cake but pastries instead

・Doesn't mind animals, but understands that when he's away you will get a bit lonely. So you surprised him by getting a pair of kittens!

・You showed him over video chat, one white kitten and one black.

"I haven't chosen names for them yet, but I thought maybe you could have some input?"

"Schatz! The kittens are cute but you have scratch marks all over your arms!"

"They're very playful!" And then you leant closer to the camera and whispered, "I leave scratches on your back ..." And with an innocent look on your face, you watched as Konig shivered.

・Likes to put you on his lap when he's cleaning weapons, or getting the marks out of his mask or shoes. Okay honestly, he just wants you on his lap all the time. Whatever excuse he can come up with - he'll goddamn use it

・Absolutely loves Kate Bush and Stevie Nicks. He thinks they have such a beautiful sound that you can find him with headphones on, swaying in the bedroom, silently in his feels

・All your pet names are in Austrian/German:

"Schatz", meaning 'treasure'.

"Maus," meaning 'mouse.'

"Liebling" meaning 'darling.'

"Hase" meaning 'bunny'.

"Liebe" meaning 'love.'

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Always Bringing Them Rocks They Think They Would Like (You) x Keeps The Rocks (Konig)

The Gomez & Morticia Adams

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing But At Least I’m Alive, Right? (You) x You’re Doing Great, Sweetie (Konig)

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Hidden Identity & Forced Proximity

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush

The Chain by Stevie Nicks

Dance of the Druids by Bear McCreary (he loves movie scores as well. It's one of his fascinations).

𝑁𝑆𝐹𝑊 🔞 No one under the age of 18 past this point, makes me feel weird if you read it.

・Konig is a bit awkward at first with the sexual interactions you guys have. He does have anxiety, but also, the build up of sexual tension had been going on for months.

・All he had during that time was his hands and the memories of how you looked, the way your eyes met his then flicked downward - almost like you had x-ray vision.

・There was no denying the heat.

・So when you first hooked up it was a fumbling mess of grunting, clothes ripping and fast hands trying to touch and grab at any bare piece of flesh.

・You did have a shocking revelation that first time however. Because this man's cock is not only thick, veiny but nearly 9 inches when he's hard.

・That first time wasn't a true first time as the look on your face told Konig everything - you weren't ready for that part of him ... just yet.

・Loves when you ride his thigh; they're absolutely huge. Just muscled and bulky and the first time you saw them (without the uniform) you audibly gasped.

・His body is absolutely divine

・Like it had been sculpted by the gods. Large biceps, long legs, small waist, large shoulders. His hands wrap your neck perfectly.

・You feel so safe with him.

・And you have to remind him that, because sometimes he worries he could hurt you without meaning to.

"I'm a grown up, Konig. I can handle myself."

"So when are you going to let me fuck you?"

"mmm... I think I still have to get used to that. Maybe we can do fingers first..." (his fingers are ... fucking huge).

[freddie-77-ao3]

Percy Jackson-esque Chapter Titles for a fic i'm writing:

We have friends in holy places (and unholy- Hello Lady Hera!)

What’s Up, Random Person, We’re Kidnapping and Adopting You

Yeah, The Beach Is Nice- Thank You For Not Drowning Us

Hazel Was Dead and Still Knows More Than You

Thank Fuck For The Egyptian- How the Hell Did We End Up In Great Britain

Annabeth Is Obsessed and Bianca Is Possessed- There Goes Christmas

Question Of Our Lives and Today Especially: What The Hell Is Going On?!

Now Would Be A Good Time To Be Anyone Else

Call The Police Because We May Have Just Murdered A Mortal

Ask And You Shall Receive… Sometime In The Next Twenty Years Probably

A Guinea Pig, A Dandelion, A Pine Tree, An Olive Tree and Two Embarrassed Girls Walk Into A Bar  

Satan Or Santa? Neither Should Exist And Yet Somehow They’re Both Knocking On Our Tent Door

A Slight Reprieve From The Last Chapter: Connor Comes For You With The Question ‘Do Tents Have Doors?’

And We’re Back, Why Did You Guys Think Our R&R Would Last Long?

Sugar, Spice, Almost Dying Twice (Today)

Would You Put ‘Cheating Death Almost Daily’ Under Experience Or Special Skills?

An Inspirational Trip Through Hell- Persephone Makes Good Brownies

Those Commercials Where People Screw Up The Most Basic Of Tasks In The Most Idiotic Fashion Ever Describes The Current Situation

As The Prophecy Foretold (We Made It Up, But It Came True)

Living Normally? In This Economy?

And Then The Wolves Came… Sike (Thank Fuck)

The Snails Paced Chocolate Bunny Gives Mixed Messages But Good Cereal

What The Hades Is Going On, Someone Explain

Apparently Exploding A Volcano Makes Us 'Irresponsible’

Why Are Cats So Vengeful 

Oh Look! An Unhelpful Old Person!

The Adults Are More Annoying Than Leo Valdez and Nico Di Angelo Put Together

They Scream For Ice Cream, I Scream For Sanity

McDonald’s And Raising The Dead- Tuesday Never Looked So Good

Unfortunately, I’m Still Not Dead Or A Dolphin (Not For Lack Of Effort)

Eggs Apparently Don’t Like Being Lost At Sea

I’m Packing Up My Crayons And Leaving

Viva La Pluto, Fuck You Guys

A Guide To Giving Up

Hopefully We Can Do This Without Dying This Time

Lady Dirt Face Fucks Us Over- Apparently Today CAN Get Worse

Apparently The Horse Is A God, And Honestly, Fuck The World- But Not You Potty Sludge

If Love Is In The Air Then We’re Wearing Gas Masks- How We Almost Started A War On Accident

If Love Is An Open Door We Should Close It- Aphrodite And Cupid Both Suck

Vegan Ice Cream Sandwiches For One

I Call Shotgun (Said The Invisible Girl  and The Literal Ghost)

I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, I’ll Fuck My Way Out Of It

Things Go Horribly Wrong (Or Horribly Right? It’s Hard To Tell At This Point)

The Fine Art Of Bullshit

We Are Being Hunted And Killed (Why Is This Normal And How Can We Stop It?)

Previously On ‘The Chaos Chronicles”

Cool, Cool, Cool, Cool. Actually It’s Not- Who Lit Katie’s Hair On Fire?!

I’d Like To Say This Is Shocking, But That Would Just Be A Lie

One Hundred And One Monsters, And Twenty Times A Therapist Was Needed

I Am Honestly Surprised That We Are Still Alive, And Apparently So Are The Gods

You Will Never Be A God

Blackmail Only Works If I Care

An Offer I Can Definitely Refuse

Hush Little Baby, Don’t You Cry, You’ll Give Away Our Location, And Then We’ll Die

Only Come Back With Back Up Or A Burger- Maybe Donuts

Doomsday Or Not, Let Me Go Back To Bed, I Haven’t Slept In A Week And I Don’t Care

Practise Doesn’t Make Perfect, Practise Makes A Forest Fire And A Flood

Sea Foam Speaks and A New Person Shatters My Dreams

The Labyrinth Apparently Doesn’t Murder The Already Dead, So Can We Just Die Already?

For A Moment I Forgot Gravity, And As It Seems So Did The Sky, Which Is Good Because I’d Hate To Die Before Breakfast

And God Told Us To Run A Marathon- What Happened To Normal Executions?

At Some Point The Universe Just Needs To Kill Us

There Is Not Enough Faith For This, 

No Words Can Explain Dan, The God Of Moths and Accidental Demon Summoning 

 The Endless and Mysterious Ocean Becomes A Bit Less So, And I Should Have Paid For Diving Lessons

If Best Plus Bitter Equal Better, Then I Am Way Better Than Everyone

Firecrackers And Actual Crackers- Where Is The Cheese

He Likes Art. Terrible Art, But Still Art So I Suppose I’ll Forgive The Sword Through My Head

Hazel Drives Worse Than Thalia Which Says A Lot Because Thalia Crashed Into A Lake- Oh Wait

What Do You Do When The World Almost Ends- And No Nico, The Answer Isn’t Go To McDonalds

This Wasn’t Supposed To Happen (Just Like Me)

Can I Rewrite My Life Story, Because If So I’m Starting With This

I Wasn’t Prepared For Parenthood When I Stopped A Kidnapping, I’m Seven

Patting My Own Back, No One Appreciates Me, Fuck This And Really The Rest Of My Life

Apparently Dying Is Not An Excuse For Being Late, So Fuck You Too 

Buying Happy Meals For The Dead Isn’t An Excuse For Being Late

Caped God? I Was Hoping You Had Said Cape Cod

Incoherent Screaming Is Our Theme Song, And I Feel A New Episode On

Who Told Apollo He Could Give Us Presents, Because MCR Is Not A Proper Wake Up Call

It’s Jesus Who Ruined Our Lives This Time, Folks

Don’t Awaken The Ancient One, She Has Anxiety

I Did Not Know That Could Kill Someone, But You Learn Something New Every Day

The Gods Themselves Want Me Dead, You’re Not Special, Todd

Doritos And Death, A How To On Properly Waking And Raising The Dead Featuring A Trip To Alaska

What Was I Thinking? I’m Pretty Certain I Wasn’t

News To No One: The Previously Dead Can’t Drive

I Really Hate Saving The World Actually

How Many Times Is That Threat Going To Work Considering It’s Not Serious? A Surprising Number

Everyone Asks Who We Are, Not How We Are, And Honestly I’m Pretty Hungry

The Gods Hate Me And I Don’t Know Why (I Do Know Why, But I Don’t Care, And Honestly They Shouldn’t Either)

 Which Circle Of Hell Are We In Now, Because I Was Not Planning On A Field Trip To Tartarus

We Master The Elements (Some Of Them- We Also Torch And Flood New England)

In Which We Almost Die Again And No One Bats An Eye

 Our Lives Would Be Incredibly Saddening If We Could Sit Down And Look At Them, But Leo Burned Our Chairs 

The Houseplants Try To Eat Us, And Katie Gets Mad

We Babysit For A God, And Then Adopt His Kids- Surprisingly He’s Fine With This

Dreams Do Come True And That Is Absolutely Not A Good Thing

There Goes My Best Bargaining Chip (Oh And Also His Head)

A Series Of Horrible Decisions- Who Decided I Was The Leader

Hylla, Please Don’t Leave Us- Oh, You Can Give Us A Box Of Cereal? Nevermind 

Sunshine And Rainbows Are Meant To Mean Happiness Not War- Iris and Apollo Destroy Things

Please Don’t Hit Me With Another Brick

We Were Happy And Then There Was A Giant Pigeon

Oh My Holy Fucking Shit That Was Not The Right Lever

In Which Swimming With Sharks Almost Leads To Death And Yet Saves Our Lives

There Is No Highway To Hell As It Turns Out, Only Backroads, And Now Nico And Thalia Are Disappointed

And Then The Sky Almost Crushed Us Because It Fell And Honestly I’m Never Trusting You Again

There Goes Normal Society, Say Bye-Bye, Miranda 

Are We Supposed To Live Through This?

The Dick Who Hands Out Toothbrushes Also Assigns Us A Death Quest And This Is Why We Don’t Celebrate Holidays

Sorry For Cursing You Out, Please Fix My Life

The Plan Checks Out- We Can Do This! (Spoiler Alert- We Can’t)

Three Hundred And Sixty Five Times We Can Say Fuck In A Hour

Please Let Me Pass Out On Your Lawn

Apparently Yelling Fuck At The Sky Is Considered ‘Disrespectful’ And I Haven’t A Fucking Clue Why

Yes Sir, That Is A Lot Of Blood, And No Sir, She Doesn’t Need That Leg

That One Time We Accidentally End Up In The Slaughter Sea, And How That Manages To End Up With A New Leader Of The Amazon Empire And Thalia Gets A Girlfriend

Yes, I’m Aware I Look Gay, Thank You Very Much, I’m Here To Be Queer

This Person Is Nico di Angelo With Less Shits To Give, And Honestly That Scares Me

A Good Idea With Bad Results And A Bad Idea With Surprising Results- The Ending Will Astound You

Never Thought I’d Literally Be Shut In The Closet Again, But Life’s Full Of Surprises

One Million Pounds Of Oranges And Sadness, Sixty Thousand Pounds Of Mangos, And A Truck Full Of Happiness- Monsters Not Welcome

Who Packed The Blueberry Muffins?

Nevertheless She Persisted, And Yet Just Like That, She Gave Up

What The Hell Is This, What The Hell Is That, Why The Hell Am I Here, What The Hell, *Moonwalks Into Hell*: A Brief Summary Of Life

All Is Fair In Being The First One In The Shower

We Accidentally Summon An Army Of Lost Souls

All Our Nightmares Come True And We Prove We’re Idiots

Life Gave ‘Lia Lemons. She Squeezed Them In My Eyes. Please No More Lemons.

Trying To Play Nice To The Gods Never Ends Well. In Other Words, Percy Is An Olive Tree

What’s Happening? I’m Digging My Own Grave, That’s What

Finger Guns, Peace Signs, and Middle Fingers To Nowhere- Home At Last

In Jason’s Defense, He Tried, But The Dragon Was More Interesting

Keeping A Family Alive Can Be Difficult, Especially With No Education and More Monsters A Day Than Cash (Twenty Dollars)

Thalia Tries To Sing Over Annabeth And Percy Arguing And All That Happens Is A Noise Complaint

At This Point, Murder Is Less Of A Passing Thought And More Of An ‘It’s Only A Matter Of Time’

Cousin Bonding Time Doesn’t Usually Include The Gods, But There Are Burgers So…

According To The Crazy Titan Lord Kronos, Asking If A Newborn Looks Like A Rock Is A Question That Will Result In The Death Of The Asker

Oh Joy, I’m Facing Scrutiny Over My Love Life From Immortal Preteens

Oh Things Couldn’t Be Worse When Your Parents Run The Universe Oh Things Couldn’t Be Worse When There’s A Vote To Kill Us (Leo stop using Jazz hands!)

We Have The Worst Family Reunion Ever 3.0

Barbed Wire Instead Of String, The Fates Hate Me More Than You Might Think

Zombies, Zombies Everywhere, Wave Your Hands Up In The Air

The World Is A Different Place When You Know What The World Is (Spoiler Alert: It’s Your Murderous Great Grandma)

The Refrigerator Seems Empty, Much Like My Soul

Ah, The Smell Of Success, It Smells Like Bullshit

My Heart Is Broken (Like Those Crackers That Bianca’s Eating)

Utter Chaos: Now Featuring Camp Half Blood And Literal Blood

Family Drama Destroys My Life

Family Drama 2.0: Family Drama Destroys California

So Then A God Says We ‘Will Save Humanity’, And Thalia Says ‘What The Fuck’

Two Middle Aged Women Start Screaming In Walmart

The Main Braincell Holder Is Asleep, God Doesn’t Exist, And Starting Forest Fires Is A Normal Way To Deal With Stress

Hell Is Just Life On Steroids

Queerly Beloved, We Are Gathered Here Togay… A.K.A. A Bet Ruins Rachel Elizabeth Dare’s Life

Normal People Would Avoid This, But The Two Most Normal People Here Used To Be Dead Or Will Die When A Stick Lights On Fire, So We Can’t Have High Hopes

We Try (And Fail, But Hey, It’s The Thought That Counts, Right?)

So THAT’S Where The Greek Fire Went. Sorry, Bus Driver.

Percy Has His Gay Awakening In The Form Of His Grandfather (Technically. He’s Also Technically His First Cousin Once Removed Or Something- Annabeth’s cousin maybe?)

You're Annoying Me To Death With Your Monologue So I Have To Kill You Now

What Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrong Doesn’t Mean You Should Set My Bed On Fire

Thalia Does Shock Therapy Meaning She Electrocutes People When They Say Things 

We Should Know By Now That Yelling Doesn't Solve Things But We Don’t, And The Gods Don’t Either

Most Of My Life Is Incredibly Traumatizing, But This Is New 

Who The Fuck Invited The Norse?!

Okay, I Thought The Norse Were Enough, Why Are The Magicians Here?

Wow. Popcorn. The Roman’s Worst Nightmare. 

So First The World Almost Ends, And Then The World Ends But It Gets Better, And Now It’s Ending Again?

Prophecies Can Fuck Off, And So Can Apollo

“Treacherous Nephew In The Tuxedo” Should Sound Funny, But It Doesn’t, And That Makes Leo Sad

 Why Is A Titan Making Dad Jokes? 

Falling Into A Dumpster Was The Highlight Of My Day, What Is Life

Grieving For The Living Is Just As Hard As Grieving For The Dead

Please Forget That I Tried To Kill You

In My Defence, An Invisible Higher Power Who Has The Ability To Strike Me Down Made Me Do It

Let Out A Boo For The Boom Man

Twenty McDonald’s Happy Meals And A Gun- Godly Gifts Are Awesome

We Enter The Maze Of Doom (This Time With Fabulous Prizes)

Two Brothers Are Not Happy As A Sister Cheers On Two More Brothers As They Duel To The Death- (Triton & Tyson & Kymopoleia & Percy & Anteus Have Sibling Bonding Time) 

The Eight Year Old With A Gun Manages To Save And Then Destroy A Life

Hello, I’m Queer, And Full Of Fear. Please Kill Me Now

Children Try To Make Plans (It Doesn’t Go So Well)

Thalia Grace Once Again Proves That Being A Demigod Really Fucking Sucks

It Don’t “Do Be Like That Sometimes” Leo, We Are In HELL

[tohellandback99]

………heeeeeeyyyyy!

I have been doing my stuff, as you can see. I had been gone… uhh, see;

I was getting top surgery. Mm 😌

Wendell and Wild’s one year anniversary had passed, but it wasn’t lost on me. I would like to share some words, my feelings for a moment

At the beginning of November last year, I had simply wished to watch something on Netflix for the first time in forever. I’m not much of a movie or tv show person-I’m more of a gamer. (Unless it’s a stop-motion film)

Anyway, I saw Kat’s picture on the front of the movie and my jaw felll to the floor because of, “how the HELL, did I not hear of this movie?” Which I’m only a little bit happy about because I like being surprised (ONLY when it comes to finding a good movie,) and in this case, was absolutely absolutely bewitching. Beguiling. Refreshing. but people in NETFLIX should not have thrown this to the wind. This can actually help people! I read that it was made by Jordan Peele working with Henry Selick, a duo I would never have imagined but understood from their works that they would be, a wonderful pairing. And I find myself lucky that I hadn’t heard people online say that it is like Coraline because it’s not… It is BEEEEETTEEERRR! 😍 IT IS LOVE! It is my childhood fever dream doused in chocolate and fucking cheeeese *slaps table* iwantmoreofit

It was quite an emotional roller coaster of a movie. It’s one of those films that you’d say, is an “experience” as opposed to a “story.” Kat and Raul are BY FAAARRR characters that I would have liked to see on television in my childhood years. Instead of Johnny Test, Chowder, Total Drama-anything-it’s-all-the-same, and Ed, Edd, and Eddy. 😤 Kat and Raul are people that I’ve been surrounded by in my life that I prefer, and have BEEN, in my life. So much so that I struggle to call them “characters” instead of people. And I can relate and see my child selves in both Kat and Raul, A LOT. (dressed in a punk style and grew up with and enjoy quite a bit of punk music. used to have a Mohawk when I was Kat’s age! There’s more but I don’t want to say,) It was terrifying for a bit because it made me feel like I don’t exist. I can’t

I cried when she found her source, her key. And gave herself a hug and how it became one with her. The “shadow Kat.” I think. My passed therapist calls a “source” or a “core” that holds trauma, the key. 🥹 That was so intrinsically true and relative to someone doing trauma work that I’m immensely grateful. Exists. In a movie like this.

My criticisms of this movie come out of love for this movie. If I didn’t like it I wouldn’t have cared to critique it. All I wanted was more, generally. More time, because there’s a lot of interesting things that were alluded to, but left out. And that’s all!

So my art is this time, this is an art journaling thing that was never supposed to be one but I lost control and before I knew it, realized what it was becoming. It’s chaos. I’m trying not to be embarrassed of that, eeehhhhhhhh 😓 mrrp, *squint* *chirp!* I had to improvise in a way that felt right.

I drew and painted Kat, and drew her almost entirely without reference. She’s not crying because of Raul! Absolutely NOT. I was going to do something with her but didn’t have the space so I made this as a practice and, I am obviously still needing to get better at painting her. I am so much happier with how I draw her now. I drew Sweetie because I needed some sort of guardian before I continue. (She was so easy) And then, this genderbent Oogie Boogie was stuck in my head and I drew and painted her too, all villainous and imposing. It made for a great challenge I’d say

Oh yeah, right yes… RAUL, has a purple winding stair case behind him. Of course… *sips tea* yes, that’s the appropriate way to get things done simply. You know who your favorite character is when your brain suddenly is like, “hey! Let me surround him with a winding staircase 🤩” 🤭 what the hell

[imminent-danger-came]

Anon chilling on the precipice of madness again, and I’m so glad you liked that last ask! Truly, there is much joy to be found in discussing how much we enjoy (*cough* are dealt immense emotional damage on a daily basis by *cough*) the monkey show. Also, since I apparently can’t stop bugging you, for clarity’s sake I’m going to call myself Unhinged Anon if I submit any future asks lol. 

As always you make excellent points, and I am very normal about you bringing up the ‘MK smiling at his reflection’ thing because the motif of reflections in this show (see also: S2E5, S3E4, some others I’m probably missing, and especially S4E1) doesn’t make me even the tiniest bit insane. Nope! Not at all. But this time, it’s actually something you said in the tags that launched my marbles into the stratosphere for me to never find, because now I can’t stop thinking about how badly I want, like… a Sandy spinoff series or something. 

And I don’t mean a lore-heavy, epic adventure rich in heavy themes and conflicts like we have in the main series, just with Sandy at the center instead of MK. I want Sandy's series to be almost exclusively season one-style laid back episodes. But the good kind of laid back episodes, you know? Stuff like S1E6&7, that a lot of people dismiss, especially on a first watch, as nothing more than filler but actually serve as a subtle expansion/exploration of characters (“I also summoned monster trees with my stress, so. Should I see a doctor? We’ll worry about that later” still haunts me) and dynamics hidden under the guise of a silly little adventure with funny jokes, great animation, and fairly low stakes. 

I want to see what an appointment with Sandy’s therapist looks like, or even just the shenanigans he gets up to during those episodes where he’s mysteriously absent and only Tang seems to notice. 

I want to see Sandy teach Tang how to make tea, and maybe nerd out about those theories Sandy mentioned having about the gang's whole deal with the OG Companions.

I want to see Sandy’s endless teddy bear energy clash with Red-wants to seem intimidating but will also grab his new friends warm milk if they ask-Son. 

I want to see Wukong forced to have an extended conversation with Sandy, or really anyone from the team that isn’t MK or actively yelling at him, and getting to really see how they work off of each other. 

I want to see the secret ‘how do we help our clearly not okay friend?’ talks Mei and Sandy have behind MK’s back whenever he starts acting weird, and all the gossip that goes on during the yoga sessions they start doing together after Mei gets the Samadhi fire. 

I want to see Sandy talking with the little girl that LBD possessed, especially since something kind of similar happened to him during season 4, and accidentally becoming her new (and favorite) giant blue uncle. 

I want an episode of MK and Sandy hanging out. Just chilling on the boat, playing with Mo, going for a little walk around town until BOOM! Sandy brings MK to his unsuspecting therapist, who’s about to get the most interesting case of their career. And maybe, if we’re allowed a little angst, a discussion about how scary it is to be born with a lot of power that not only can, but will, hurt a lot of people if it isn't carefully controlled. About how they’ve tried, and failed, to avoid causing pain. About wanting to never cause pain, and how the futility of that sentiment almost outweighs the importance of trying anyways. 

And above all, I DEMAND a Pigsy-Sandy origin story! 

Anyways, this is basically just me edging ever closer to the brink of madness after you accidently inflicted No Thoughts, Only Sandy syndrome upon me with your last response. But, it's also an invitation to gush about Sandy some more, if you want, and also share anything you would want to see in a hypothetical Sandy show!

Unhinged Anon I got you, here's a motif post where I have every MK reflection in the whole show.

AND “I also summoned monster trees with my stress, so. Should I see a doctor? We’ll worry about that later” HAUNTS ME TOO. There's something about the way those shots are set up, cracking from blue to gold:

MK also becoming a "master of focus" in this ep, with focus becoming important later in episodes like 1x09 and 3x11/12 with Mei.

BUT ANON.

Imma use this ask as a spring board for one of my fav personal theories, which is this: OG Sandy, from the original jttw pilgrimage, is also our current day Sandy!

I'll probably throw this into an official theory post later, but for now I'll go into this theory underneath the cut:

First, let's start with 2x08 To Catch a Leaf, during which Sandy has several PTSD flashbacks:

So, the first one is some sort of battlefield, and the second one...

Is of Zhu Bajie?

Now, we know Pigsy has never worn an outfit like this based off of this comment in 4x05:

Pigsy: "Blue ain't really my color, but it beats looking like that monster, Zhu Ganglie."

-

The Pig Demon in that flashback from 2x08 HAS to be Zhu Bajie of the original jttw pilgrimage. But why would Sandy have a memory like that?

Next is the fact that while everyone else in 4x09 Roast of the Monkie Kids is compared to their past life, Sandy notably isn't.

Tang knows friendship, but unlike Tang Sanzang isn't studious.

Mei is bold and brave, but lacks Ao Lie's caution.

Pigsy like Zhu Bajie is stubborn, but he has the heart his predecessor originally lacked.

Yet this is all Subodhi has to say to Sandy:

Subdohi: "You have nothing more to learn my hilariously blue student! Another star for you!" Sandy: "Dooww thank you wise master!" Subodhi: "But! You're far too nice for your own good." Sandy: "Uh huh, you noticed!"

(4x09 Roast of the Monkie Kids)

-

It's exceedingly strange that in an episode where Subodhi breaks down everyone's character arcs, Sandy is told he's all good. He has nothing more to learn, and no more character development to go through.

Unless of course...Subodhi quite simply couldn't compare Sandy to his past life because there was no past life to compare him to.

Another detail in s4 that's always intrigued me is how Sandy is brought back to himself from Sha Wujing in 4x06.

Pigsy's heartfelt speech on the legacy of their past lives not defining their current one, or how they're not monsters, doesn't work. It's instead Mo offering Sandy wholehearted love that brings Sandy back:

Which, of course Sandy has a close bond with Mo, but Pigsy's speech wasn't anything to scoff at either:

Pigsy: "No. No! Just cause we look a certain way, cause our monster ancestors were, well, monsters, none of that matters! I won't let his legacy define mine, and neither should you! Your the strongest, the biggest, the bluest guy I know! But all you've ever used those muscles for is to help people in need—your friends. That don't sound like a monster to me." (4x06 Show Me the Monster)

As far as we know, that should have been the exact thing Sandy needed to be freed from his past life, and yet it wasn't.

That would be because, at least under the confines of this theory, the guy Pigsy is saying Sandy wasn't like was indeed who Sandy used to be. Yes, Sandy has far outgrown the person who fought to establish his own place in the world, learning that "hurting others isn't a measure of one's strength". But here's the thing, who you used to be matters. Unlike Pigsy's relationship with Zhu Bajie, Sandy's relationship with who he was in the past can't as easily be written off. It's still a part of him.

There are also certain other details. like the fact that Sandy knows his way to Flower Fruit Mountain in "A Hero is Born", or how he's so knowledgeable on ancient powerful remedies like the crimson jimson weed. Of course these details could be chalked up to plot convenience—which is by no means a flaw or complaint—but I've always wondered if there was anything more to it.

But, Sandy's more laid back reaction to most things has always intrigued me, and it would re-contextualize certain scenes like this one from 2x10 in a fun way:

Pigsy: "No! What could have been so important that you'd leave MK alone to face that- that thing! You're supposed to be his mentor-"

Sandy: "ENOUGH!" "I think we should give Mr. Monkey King, a chance to explain."

(2x10 This is the End!)

Of course with this theory comes a few questions, like why Sandy didn't meet the same fate as the other pilgrims, or why he wouldn't let Sun Wukong know he was alive, or why he would bother to pretend he wasn't the OG Sha Wujing at all. And honestly? I don't have an answer to these questions!

But what I do know is that Sandy's friends are greatly important to him-

Sandy: "Hurting others isn't a measure of one's strength—took me a really long time to realize that. As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend, I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me. Cause at the end of the day, helping my friends is more important than anything else in the world!" (2x08 To Catch a Leaf)

-and losing them would affect him greatly.

Whatever happened to the og jttw crew, that could very easily be the reason Sandy was "the most dangerous, deadly, rage filled warrior [Pigsy] ever [knew]". Based off of that 2x08 Zhu Bajie flashback, Sandy could very well have watched his friend die.

But, now that Sandy has his friends back in his life? Of course he's going to do whatever he can for them!

Which would include anything from making tea to breaking his vow to never fight again.

And please for the love of god give us a Pigsy - Sandy origin story. I'm begging. WHAT IS THEIR HISTORY MAN. WHY DID PIGSY KNOW HOW TO COMMIT A JAILBREAK.

[thessalian]

Thess vs the Bank Holiday Blues

Currently doing the mental health evaluation and ... well, sometimes you just do everything you possibly can and you're still fucking struggling. Which fucking blows, thank you very much.

I've gone through the checklist. I've eaten. I've hydrated. I slept recently. Technically my "meds for neuropathic pain" are an antidepressant so I can't even say I need meds. As for therapy ... well, been there, done that, developed the coping mechanisms. But mental health-wise? I am struggling to cope at this point.

To be fair, this is largely external factors. This is the realisation that I was very much right about literally nothing changing in this country when we got a Labour government, because now they're saying, "Well, the Tories lied about the massive financial hole they left so we have to scrap all our infrastructure promises, cut the winter fuel allowance, and let the energy companies jack up their prices right at the start of autumn" and it's getting to a point where I wonder if they're just trying to kill the old people so they don't have to pay their state pension.

This is seeing some of the short-sighted bullshit going on in the US in the run-up to their own election. Because I know a whole lot about populist garbage and people making protest votes without thinking about what they're doing, okay? Our general elections here aren't the best example of it, but I have a better one - Brexit. We ended up leaving the EU for a few very simple reasons: a) populist wankers like Johnson and Farage lied through their teeth to win the racist vote; b) some people didn't really want to leave the EU but didn't like how the EU was going about things so voted leave in protest; or c) figured that Leave couldn't actually win and so didn't bother voting. Now, does any of that sound familiar?!? All you have to do is add d) third options that will never win but take the vote away from the sensible choice and you've basically got the US right now. And this country destroyed itself at least partly based on that one stupid badly-planned referendum. The US can't survive another Trump term, I can't actually do anything about the stupids that might allow Trump to take the election, and I have too many people I love in that country to be anything less than terrified. I know that my feelings are valid, I know I can't spend too much emotional energy on something I can't change, but still.

My situation is still not great. It's never going to be, and I know that, just because of circumstance. I guess it's just harder to keep from being depressed about my disability when so much else is weighing me down. I try to keep counting my blessings, because I have a lot of those. Still, no matter how hard you try, some days everything that's wrong seems so big that you're kind of stuck squished. That and probably the Bank Holiday Blues. I mean, I don't work Mondays anyway, but there's a different vibe to the world on Bank Holiday Mondays.

Right. I just need to take my mind off the blues. One of the blessings I can count is that my last therapist was basically the best. She didn't focus on the diagnosis as handed down from the psychs (which was almost definitely a standard "ADHD is often misdiagnosed as BPD in women" thing) and instead looked at my symptoms and my previous coping methods, and helped me hone them into something healthier. Some people would call what I do "avoidance" and "escapism"; I call it "therapeutic hyperfocus". I've done every healthy thing I can to improve my mood, so if the mood's still there, and hyperfocusing on, like, a video game or something keeps me grounded until it blows over, I do that.

Of course, then I have to pick which video game, but I do have a playthrough of BG3 that I am determined to complete, and nothing says "hyperfocus" like "game you've played a few times before but will still hold a couple of surprises because Dice Be Like That". And I deserve some fun after having had to spend most of Saturday in bed because migraine and exhaustion.

[s-uccubus-mommy]

What is a boy to do when he has chronic depression and is going through one such episode, yet can only 'work on himself' so much alone? For there is nothing more healing than love, and when I had someone close to me, I was able to make great progress that has regressed significantly as I am alone once more. I ask for little besides a warm embrace, yet reaching that point with someone new requires overcoming several gates where my attractiveness is judged - gates which the symptoms of depression add additional locks to. It adds a lot of 'negative rizz', so to speak. And thusly, I tend not to bother women, even if I know in my heart I could learn how to make her happy if only she could believe I was worth investing attention into.

There are a... lot of unkind words said about sub boys who 'expect a partner to fix them', yet these always perplex me. Are we not social creatures who depend on strength from each other? For I truly believe I am missing only this last piece to become something beautiful and worthy. For I have great love in my heart, and just want to be able to go and take her out to get cake or something when she's feeling sad.

I am also curious about the intersection between depression and attractiveness to the opposite sex from a woman's perspective, if you or anyone else reading this has such experience.

-👑

I feel for you. And I’ve felt just like you before. I brought it up to a therapist actually- are attachment issues and codependency really that bad? There is a book called Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson that made me question this. The author seemed to encourage you and your partner to accept these things about yourself more than I had heard anyone do before. And my therapist agreed. Of course there’s a limit to everything, but really, almost all of us struggle with attachment issues. Not to mention things like depression and anxiety. And I’m not the person to tell anyone “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else”. Because so many of us struggle with this shit and it can be years and years before major progress is made. I don’t think having mental health struggles should stop you from finding a partner.

The key here, I think, is to work on yourself at the same time. You need to try to be the best partner you can be, and that means working with mental health professionals and doing the work they ask you to do. That also means being an equal partner, even if you’re a sub.

Codependency can also stunt your personal growth though. In the past few years I’ve challenged myself to be less codependent on romantic partners, and I do encourage everyone to try to do the same. One big part of this was working on developing more friendships. So I suggest doing that. You can also dive deeper into your personal interests and goals and try to focus on doing things that make you happy on your own.

As far as how depression is seen from a woman’s perspective… well everyone is different. Since I struggle with depression myself I don’t mind at all if a partner does too. But I wouldn’t want it to be so crippling for them that I would end up having to take care of them all the time, ya know? I wouldn’t expect my partner to do that for me either. And if it really is that bad that you feel a need for someone else to take care of you, than there are things you need to work on personally with professionals. Like I wouldn’t judge a partner for that, but I would ask them to seek help separately from me.

Sorry I wrote a novel but it’s an interesting topic! Something that I think is much more complex and nuanced than most people think. I hope there’s something in there you found helpful.

[httpiastri]

Questions for “Last Christmas” (extremely random): How tall are you? Thoughts on mint chocolate chip? Favorite form of potato? Favorite form of pasta? Tea order? Something you’re proud of yourself for? Have you ever gone to therapy? Pet peeves? How many tabs do you have open right now? 💞

i'm 174cm tall (google says 5'8.5 feet?) !! well my problem is that i can't do mint at all, i think i'm like... not allergic but almost? because something goes pretty wrong whenever i eat mint 🙃 so no mint chocolate chip for me!

too many good forms of potato to choose just one... i really love tater tots lol even though i have them maybe once per year. in sweden we have something called potatisbullar (i would translate it to potato buns?) which is kind of like a big tater tot, but in the form of a patty. very common in schools, but i always have a bag in the freezer and pop them in the oven, and 20 minuter later i have the best meal ever 🤤 we also have a kind of potato pancake that i really love!! and waffle fries are amazing too. soft potatoes > crispy potatoes. and potato gratin!!! pasta doesn't matter a lot to me, it depends on what kind of sauce imo. penne is great though, works with almost everything!!

i don't actually drink tea... idk, there's just something about it that sits wrong with me. i've tried so many types, but nope. i love ice tea though (the european version, not american) !!

i'm actually proud of myself for being so good with the kids i coach. it's not often that i feel proud of myself for something, but i can sometimes acknowledge that i'm doing a good job with the girls and then i get happy and proud of myself over that <3 i started going to a therapist this fall actually, i went to someone else two times before this summer but we did not click at all (he told me that i need to be angry more 🤨 sorry sir but i am not going to force myself to be angry) lol

oooo a recent pet peeve of mine is girls who have like really high ponytails? idk why?? i used to think they looked really cool and even did them myself, but now i don't wanna look at them. and idk if it counts as a pet peeve but i just can't take people chewing on ice cream (like the water-based ones, ice lollies or whatever)? i get goosebumps just thinking about it?? chewing on regular ice is okay, but i just shivered imagining myself chewing on ice cream, no kidding

i cleaned out all of my tabs and windows yesterday so now i only have one window open with 19 tabs!! feeling tidy 👍

[ginnsbaker]

Chapter 13, um hello?!?!?!? HELLO?!?! That ending!!! I’m screaming, crying and throwing up?!?!

First of all, amazing chapter! The flashbacks, had me all over the place, my goodness!! I mean they were so bittersweet as memories often tend to be, especially after having a major rift with the person from those memories.

Second, Yelena, my sweet Yelena, oh so thoughtful and loving to [a slightly] undeserving reader, in my opinion! Has me just stumped! Like the way she carefully crafted a celebration to honor reader with the people reader most cares about and here reader is thinking about Wanda! Like ugh! I just want to fucking scream!! But I also get it and don’t completely blame reader, you get me?! Because thinking of the memories of some of your greatest times in a decade especially after having experienced so many lows is understandable, like the mind will mostly always travel to happier times, so I get why reader would look back to those memories.

Third, Clint revealing that Wanda is seeing a therapist for addicts!! I gasped!! Like, OH. MY. GOD!!!

Fourth, the times that Natasha has felt betrayed by reader always hits me more than like the actual relationship angst (???) and I just hurt! Haha but also I love that Nat is keeping it real and calling reader out on her shit!! Because I know even though Natasha’s portrayed as bad ass and all, she’s always been such a big softie to me who just deeply cares about the people she loves and wants to protect them at all costs! So when she said “if you hurt my sister because of Wanda, I can’t promise you that this won’t come between us.” That low key almost had me crying?! I can’t handle best friend break ups!! Haha but I understand where she’s coming from and I hope reader gets it together!!!

Fifth, reader and Wanda going out to eat and acting like old friends has me so conflicted!! On one hand yay, Wanda and reader!! On another hand, I hate how deceiving it feels for reader to be meeting with Wanda in that way!! Like I get it happened spontaneously, but it also kinda feels like cheating to me, something that destroyed reader in the beginning!! Like, that’s literally why we’re here!! Haha like if it weren’t such a big deal why act nonchalant and lie to Yelena?!? That’s fishy!

Sixth, Vision?!? I hope he’s not going to do what I think he’s going to do because I will literally not know what to do with myself!! (I may be jumping to conclusions, but this story has been angsty so can you blame me?)

Last, like always I apologize for my thoughts maybe being all over the place, my brain thinks faster than my fingers can type! Haha but I just wanted to say this chapter was so fucking good!! Like you literally have me writing a whole ass essay here and I apologize!!! Haha, but you just make me sit here and think, which I find so cool honestly!! And it’s also what’s so great about this story!! I will seriously never tire of saying that!! I know there’s quite a few chapters left and that makes me both happy and sad because this has been such an awesome read, but I’m also excited to reach the finish line and see how it all ends!! Thank you so much for this amazing journey!! I hope you have an amazing week! Stay safe and take care! -💫🥀

I'm in love with your thoughts as always. Thank you so much for writing this long review, it always gets me excited :D

I'm gonna address your comment in reverse.

Vision - i know im dramatic, but i don't want to make it too dramatic that what he has in mind is so scary and something to be worried about. Let's just say as a selfish, immature and spoiled brat, he only thinks about himself and so his "form of revenge" has something in it for him than just making someone suffer.

R and Wanda spending time - I remember an anon telling me that they experience emotional cheating and it didn't count. so this chapter would like to say that IT DEFINITELY COUNTS. R doesn't realize because she's already caught up in having feelings for two people and had been in denial all the time. so she's clinging onto the technicalities of a relationship and what constitutes cheating.

Natasha- i would like to apologize as early as now :(

Yelena - i want to take her on a vacation and just pamper her and buy her cocktail drinks to keep her happy. she's the sweetest angel

Again, thank you for sticking with the story :)

[risingfire17-the-weeb-trash]

40 Day Anime Challenge Day 10- A character you despise with all your heart and soul: Almost everyone in Welcome to the NHK (2006)

I was excited to watch this. It had great reviews, and fans raved that it was a realistic and positive portrayal of people with mental health issues. As someone with these myself, of course I was excited.

But here are my thoughts after watching the anime: 

1) It is not a realistic portrayal of people with mental illness, because the characters are not given much characterization beyond the problematic behaviors of their disorders, no redeeming qualities, and very little character development that was rushed at the end.

2) It is not a positive portrayal of people with mental illness at all. Once again, they are almost entirely reduced to stereotypes, and they’re pretty terrible people. If this is the representation people like me, who has put in a lifetime of therapy and self-reflection to continue overcoming my issues and have healthy relationships, then I fear what those without mental illness would think of me based on what they see in these individuals.

So let’s get to why I despise the characters, yeah? (Spoilers ahead)

Tatsuhiro Sato, our protagonist. 

I don’t have a problem with the fact that he is a NEET. I have a problem with the fact that he never got professional help. I have a problem with the fact that he lied to his parents to keep getting their money, and cursed them when they finally cut him off. I have a problem with the way he treated his friends, yelling, name calling, throwing things, and then guilting them into letting him mooch off of them. I have a problem with his attraction to Misaki. First, because she is a teenager, and instead of staying away from her so he doesn’t act on this, he continues to spend time with her, has her pretend to be his girlfriend at one point, uses her as a cook and housekeeper, and ultimately confesses his love and starts dating her. The second reason is that until a rushed confession in the last episode that may not even be genuine because he said it to literally talk her off the ledge, he was only attracted to her physically and because she would do anything he wanted. He told her multiple times that she was a nuisance, a nag, had a terrible personality, etc. He belittled and bullied her through most of the series.

Misaki Nakahara, our wannabe hero. 

Clearly, she’s a struggling teen and needs help. What she does not need to do is berate and enable a grown man that she only latches on to because looking down on him helps her feel good about herself (which she admitted to halfway through the series and never worked at changing afterward) She coerces him to go along with her “treatment plan” rather than encouraging him to seek actual professional help. She nags at him, bursts into his home, and often pushes him farther out of his comfort zone than he can handle at the time. She enables his codependency when she starts cooking and cleaning for him, all the while scolding him for not doing it himself, so he learns that he is incompetent and should just let her do everything and accept her criticism when he does. I’ll give her a bit more of a pass than the other characters, because unlike the other characters behaving like children, she is literally a child. But she is still a toxic and manipulative person and her problematic behavior needs to be addressed by her guardians (and a licensed therapist)

Hitomi Kashiwa. 

This girl was the catalyst for Sato having a breakdown, always talking about conspiracies. When she comes back into his life, she asks him to join a group she is part of for a trip, not telling him that they are all there to commit suicide! She takes her vulnerable junior, who, despite all his flaws, is at least trying to get himself together, and exposes him to a group exacerbate his depression and he almost gets killed because of it. I haven’t read the manga, but I am told she tries to have an affair with Sato after she is married with a kid. (And the person she is married to, Akira Jogasaki, is so sweet and supportive, he’s the only character I like in this show, so it really hurts to see her betray him like that.)

Kauru Yamazaki, Sato’s best friend, giving otakus everywhere a bad name.

 This guy is supposed to be the “functional” one of the group, being the only one who has a job and is in school to pursue a meaningful career. That’s great and all, but he has a shit personality. His life revolves around perving on 2D women, and complaining that real women can never compare because of the imperfections that make them human, like having their own personalities, motives, and goals. He voices this in a way that is very misogynistic, painting women as manipulative. When he finally starts to fall for a human girl, he pursues her after being rejected, gets mad at her for interacting with other males, and has Sato videotape his confession to her without her knowledge for reference for their game. After moving home, he dates a girl who looks just like her, implying that he does not love this girl, but just sees her as a stand-in. And this is the guy Sato goes to for advice, ugh.

Finally, Megumi Kobayashi. 

After finding out about Sato’s issues, she lies to him and manipulates him into joining a toxic MLM scheme. Even when he tries to get out, she tricks him multiple times into buying her stuff. Look, I feel sorry for her circumstances, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior.

This show was painful to watch. (Even with Akira Jogasaki carrying the whole show on his back) I don’t know if the manga did any better and never will because I’m never touching this series again. I hate these people. Time to search for an anime that is actually a realistic and positive portrayal of people with mental illness.

[megarabane]

vent post abt work incoming sorry in advance i just need to scream into the void for a mo.

can i just. i'm just so sick of the 'in order to have value you have to work yourself to the bone' mindset.

i'm working two jobs rn, one is monday-friday and the other is pretty much sundays exclusively. because neither of these jobs pay me well enough to sustain me on their own.

m-f is a research job in my degree-chosen career field that i love to do, i love the people i work with, and i willingly work 50 hour weeks (5 tens) on a regular basis. they don't make me, but i like the work and the grad student i'm working with is super reasonable when i say "hey i need the day off" and his response is "great have at it! see you later!"

and the sunday is at a restaurant. and don't get me wrong alright i love foodservice. if it weren't for the physical and emotional and mental demand of waiting tables and dealing with customers for just barely enough wages to live on, i'd willingly do that shit. i love waiting tables.

and i've told my scheduling manager 'hey i don't wanna work doubles on sundays (my only day), i'm available for either a morning or an evening but not both.' and she scheduled me three doubles three weeks in a row. and i got the first two covered by coworkers but i worked the third, and i told her 'hey i told you i can't do this, i'm already working 50 hours a week'

and her response was. 'aw. only fifty? i'll let you know when i get down to that much.'

OKAY. FIRST. that's YOUR choice and I GUARANTEE you're compensated with time and a half at LEAST, not to mention your PTO that i KNOW you have bc you talk about it all the time.

my research job does not pay time and a half for OT, and i CHOOSE to do it bc i love the work, but it's physically demanding and exhausting, it's wildlife research, it's hiking miles a day in the mid-drought heat and half the fucking time it's for naught anyway, and the stuff that isn't hikes is driving two hours to and from research sites.

SECOND. THAT SHOULDN'T MATTER. i only have ONE HUMAN LIFE and ONE day off a week is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. i'm wearing knee braces again, which i haven't done since high school eight years ago, and i've not written anything in WEEKS. it's raw LUCK that i've had the energy to play any games at all in the last few weeks. most of the time i come home and collapse bc i'm exhausted and i just wanna rest before i get up and go work again. my one day off a week is spent doing laundry and cleaning and running errands that don't get done during the week.

i fell apart on my therapist when we were in the middle of a different conversation bc i'm so tired, and now i have a sticky note on my monitor that says 'it's not selfish to take days off if it keeps you from death' right next to 'remember: the megacorp doesn't care about you'.

and i call off work tomorrow. because i'm so tired. and i get my scheduling manager. and her response is 'the schedule's been out for like a week. have you tried to get it covered.' and i say 'yes' and she says 'well the schedule's been out for a week." and i just...sit there in silence. because like. you're not going to guilt me out of this. bc i know if you know you can guilt me out of this once you'll never fucking stop and i'll never have a moment of peace again.

does it almost work? yeah. i've got a fucking anxiety disorder. ofc it does.

but i have one human life. only one. i need a break. they will survive without me. fuck, business has been so slow recently, having one less server on the floor will mean my coworkers will get more business and more money. even if management is mad (and my gm won't be he's reasonable ik this) my coworkers might actually thank me for it. (this is me speaking it into existence can you tell.)

anyway i'm just. tired. i'm so tired. i'm so over capitalism. this is the start (well more really a midpoint) of my anti-capitalist arc.

anyway thanks for reading lol. remember: the megacorp doesn't care about you. you are worth days off. your management will forget about the guilt trip they took you on in less than a day. so call off. quit. they survived before you and will survive without you. you're worth more than the blood you pour into a work week.

[astralartefact]

Placeholder Name for Atarase's Media Diary

Entry 001 - 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

Synopsis

13 "kids" figure out what the fuck is going until finally, in the last 30 minutes, the power of love makes me - specifically the 2024 me - barf all over the place. My therapist will hear about this.

I always wanted to do something like this for the games I play, but I always told myself I would make a neocities or a blogspot or something for it; that won't happen so I'll just do it here instead of not doing it at all

How much did I know before playing?

I knew Time Shenanigans were involved, but other than that only that people really love it.

Did I like it more than I hated it?

I liked it much more than I hated it

Since I liked it, here's what I hated about it

I hated most of the Romance. Ruined the ending of a really cool game for me (jury is still out if i'm hyperbolic, for more on all of this check out the ramble section at the end) they should have cut most of it out - which would be easy because most of it only happens in the last 10% of the game.

(Exceptions are Okino & Takatoshi (even though i didn't like that taka was still 'no homo... right????' in the ending while enough time had passed for the others to have kids) and I think Ogata & Tomi worked too because, well, it was actually built towards throughout the game from both sides, crazy how that works).

Also it feels mean that Miwako (the queen) and Okino aren't playable characters. It's almost as if there's something different about those two specifically. Wonder what that might be.

What did this game make me think about?

What makes you you?

...also the ending shit made me spiral hard about loneliness and romance, probably should be honest enough to mention that

Specific Impressions that will stick with me

The Sentinel Calling animations happening in every character's last scene is really cool. I love when there's an iconic but 'formulaic' thing that every character gets their own version of, like a Magical Girl Transformation. Always great.

Also I played around with having the characters read out the titles of their memories way too much to not mention it.

Also Also, a very specific Tomi scene that I will talk about further below is vividly stuck in my brain.

Outstanding Audio

LEUCINE, LYSINE, High Alert, Seaside Vacation

Honestly, the music in this game was fantastic. I never really heard people talk about specifically the ost before, but I guess people rarely talk about video game osts unless it's something on the iconicness of persona or they know the name behind who made it.

Favorite Character

Keitaro Miura is the Razumihin of our times. I also really liked Ei Sekigahara, but then that ending happened.

Also, of course, Tsukasa Okino is an Icon.

Favorite Arc/Story Line

A lot of them, but I will leave it at these two:

All of the 2188 Miura & BJ stuff

Yuki's detective story line

Favorite Set Piece

The Final Defense sequence is really cool. I actually wasn't sure if I made it or if this was just the game over screen lol

Favorite Scene

I remember a scene where Sentinel Miura tells Ei he knew all this time that something was going on because he's a bad liar, but that they're still friends despite what he did, but I couldn't find it on a quick look through the archive section.

But this scene had more chemistry than both of them had with their canon romantic partners and I will stand by that.

Best Performance

I didn't really pay much attention tbh, nobody really stood out - but I guess in a good way, I really liked all of the JP voice cast. The only thing I ever really thought out loud was "That's Saori Hayami."

--- ENTERING THE PRETENTIOUS SECTION OF THIS ENTRY ---

What about this game gives me Hope for the future of gaming?

I guess I always love when Japanese games demonstrate that they know Queer People exist.

What about this game makes me scared for the future of gaming?

You know how basically all Gamers hate Capitalism these days? Yeah, while that's definitely a net good, this is one of the very specific instances in which it's a bad thing.

I just want to play this game made by the same people again. Not a sequel, nothing that's related to this, but just another game that's mechanically exactly like this that's just another setting with another mystery to solve. Just put to use what you have learned doing this and make a game like this again.

Like, you don't have to do it forever, but you could do it again, just for me who really loved playing this game you made!!!

But we don't really get "easy" sequels these days anymore, because everything has to have a new take, a new mechanic - or else it's lazy and a "cash-grab". And that kind of sucks, because most of the time just doing something again will mean you know now what worked and what didn't.

The Ramble Section where I get to actually talk about what I thought about

Okay, so basically, I really liked how the game portrayed the idea of "You're not just your soul/your DNA, you're also made up by the actions and influences of everyone around you. If you 'lived again' you wouldn't become the same person, because your context would be different."

It's in the whole thing that for every name there are actually about three different characters that are all different people - but I think my favorite example is actually the whole Tomi x Ogata thing - which is why I think it's one of the few romances in this game that works.

There's a scene in her story where in her original Sector Tomi goes to look what happened to her home together with Ogata. That exact same scene, everything she says, also happens in Amiguchi's memories from the loop before - but instead of Ogata, Tetsuya Ida is there as her love interest. And that basically brings it to a point - Sure, who you are/your "DNA" matters - but it also matters who's there with you. And that's why she ends up with Ogata this time.

In one of Ei's scenes Okino also talks about how there is really no difference between him and an AI Nanomachine version of him that's exactly the same - we change all of the time so why would it matter where exactly our memories come from if all of it works the same?

And that's like almost the entire game. People realizing that the person they were and the person they are 'supposed to be' are different people from who they are. It really is demonstrated by the most important character of all - the 'current version' of Chihiro, Iori, is basically fully irrelevant to the plot of the game. And I think that's kind of cool? To argue that any kind of "DNA" could become any size of plot relevant depending on the circumstances. That all of these "same" people have developed their own self and all of theses selves and their decisions are equally as valuable despite not being "fated" to do one specific thing. (It's kind of nihilistic in a way - if nothing about you is specifically 'valuable', everything you end up doing is valuable the same amount)

But this is also exactly why most of the Romance in this game sucks ass. Either you have Miura x Minami or Yakushiji x Kurabe where they all of a sudden argue the exact opposite, where the only romantic development happens through past characters - characters whose whole deal especially in Kurabe's case is that THEY'RE NOT HIM. THAT'S THE ENTIRE FCKIN POINT OF HIS ENTIRE PLOT LINE - and suddenly it's just "Well, the current version also loves them, I guess they are the same, no trust me, they found their way here on their own we didn't just forget to write that" despite either almost nothing (Minami has much more development with BJ - who's alive at the end, you could have just made those two happen and leave my sweet boy alone) happening between them or worse - Budget Homura being a fckin stalker for 80% of the game and then in the 20% where she isn't, Kurabe isn't even around for it.

But then on the other hand you have Ei x Iori, Yuki x Amiguchi and Gouto x Shinonome, where it just feels like they had to add this because... well, they simply need to have romance? Did you miss that this game was about romance? You simply have to understand, these children simply have a need to romance. They need. To. FUC-

I mean, out of these Yuki x Amiguchi still works the best, mainly because I guess at least it's built up during the course of the game, but like. Fuck that. Amiguchi just annoyed her and then bam it's love. Yuki is such a good character, her arc is so great and then she let's herself be harrased into liking this whelp. And then they hate each other in the ending, bc haha, isn't it funny that Amiguchi still flirts with other people when they're married??? (and we'll get to the ending.)

Gouto x Shinonome was just thrown in there in one singular sentences for absolutely no good reason. Why even mention it. Why was this a thing you needed to establish. Could you just simply not fathom that at least one character in this game might not have been in a relationship at the age of 16?

(Well, there IS a character who wants to get a relationship but is thanks to this nonsense the only one who explicitly doesn't get one. Her name starts with M and ends with -iwako and she would have deserved to be a main character. I wonder what's different about her from everyone else... i already made that 'joke')

But now to the crown jewel of my hate about this game's romance:

Ei x Iori is absolute garbage. I hate it so fucking much. I said earlier that I thought Iori being irrelevant is really cool - well, it's too bad that only happened because they waste her story segment on whatever this is.

Their entire relationship is... that Iori thinks he's cute.

That's all. That's all of it. They didn't have a single full conversation before they started dating. Why. Why is Iori's only character trait that she thinks Ei is cute. I don't even think she gets to react to Ei telling her he killed her in a previous life. Like, think of the drama this relationship could have. Her figuring out that Ei killed not only her teacher self but the 2188 real self too and now he's here and he's after her so she needs to escape - but he's so cute... (which is the only reason why I will forgive the shippers, i trust you people to make this work)

None of that is in her story. She just wants to meet him again to tell him she loves him. And then she does. And then they're together. And now we're spending the culmination of the entire game on this bullshit.

The home stretch of the game (for me that was the last half wave + the ending) was excrutiating for me to play through. To be transparent - part of it is that I'm currently really struggling with loneliness thanks to my pretty severe social anxiety - which of course also includes love and 'finding a partner'. And this game really didn't help when all of a sudden 80% in it decided to become about """Love""" instead.

Everyone ends up in these perfect little relationships with zero effort - and it just made me feel like shit. Suddenly the entire game, everything we've learned about these characters, all of the small interpersonal connections we have made between these characters, every single of them that mattered so much to unlock the entirety of their 'truth', of their willingness to get into the Sentinel - meaningless. The only thing that matters is that they're now boyfriend and girlfriend. The only thing that matters is that they have children now. It doesn't matter what they decide to do with their life, it doesn't matter what they think of the situation they're in.

I think Iori doesn't get a single line about what she thinks about Chihiro Morimura being her.

And that's really it. Instead of getting a revue or something, any real introspective conclusion to these character's experiences that they had over the course of this fantastic story we just throw all of it out of the window so we can instead talk about how all of these people are in relationships now - even the creepy evil dude is """finally""" reunited with his virtual Idol! Isn't that heartwarming! LOVE! ROMANCE!

Ei isn't even in the fucking ending!!!

I hate the Ending. I hate it. Fuck that ending. Almost infuriates me as much as Eulogia. (Fuck Eulogia)

Okay, writing this later than the part before but I read the part of the wikipedia article where they talk about Kamitani's thoughts on the scenario he wrote and I don't get this man - he says he wanted the game (and specifically Ei's story) to be a romance???? That was the original plan that "remained"??? What??? Have you somehow edited out all of those romance parts in the main part of the game and just left them at the end???

Like, again, They have crushes, sure, stuff like that is hinted at or mentioned in passing, but the character's struggles and storylines are for the most part unrelated to the romance of the playable characters and because of that the romance, like, doesn't progress at all, people have crushes that one of the two thinks about in a static thought that doesn't actually develop further from its premise until right at the end where a relationship just happens out of thin air because I guess this is what romance is - so to say that that's a theme they always planned is crazy to me because you did nothing with it.

Also, apparently a lot of the best parts of the game (Yuki's detective storyline, all of Okino, Ogama's story and the Gotou Chihiro sequences) are the ones that were 'hard to write' and/or changed late into production - which is crazy, usually it's the other way around...

[purplesurveys]

1779

What was the last upsetting thing that happened to you? I got sick, again...that's two very high fevers in the short and sweet span of 1.5 months and I can almost certainly tell you it's because of work. Bright side is it's putting everything in a much clearer perspective and it'll probably be the first thing I'll raise to Trina the next time she has a check-in with me.

What was the last thing you ordered from Starbucks? I think it was their iced brown sugar blahblah espresso (why does it have to be such a mouthful?) and my favorite off their menu, the chicken barbecue sandwich.

Do you trust your doctor? I just have natural trust for all doctors in general because they're supposed to be experts at their field. It's just a matter of whether they're an asshole/condescending or not.

Do you ever question if your mother loves you? Sometimes. Last week she and dad got into an argument but made sure the rest of the household was put through hell in the most childish way you can imagine a 50 year old throwing a fit. I will never understand that about her.

Do you ever feel scared or unsafe around your dad? Not at all.

Do you have a pastor you can trust and talk to whenever you need to? Nope.

Do you have a best friend who always has your back? Yes. Just last Wednesday I had a bit of a scare because my car wouldn't start while I was stranded in the middle of BGC, and the first two people I called were Angela and Hans because I knew they'd have my back in an instant and would know how to help me. :(

What is missing in your life? Career fulfillment. I'm making good money but ugh am I miserable and getting more and more physically unwell. Two fevers in less than two months is ridiculous and I know damn well this has little to do with the flu bug that's been going around.

What color shirt are you wearing? It's white with some pink accents.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? The delivery rider assigned to me for a work-related booking.

Who is your least favorite doctor you’ve been to? I'm not even sure if they were a doctor but it was that psychologist(?) or therapist(?) or whatever the hell she was who was doing a mental health check on me as part of my college admissions. She was just very rude and seemed very judgmental from the get-go, so I said nothing about my depression because I knew she was 100% going to make it worse and more embarrassing.

Who is your least favorite nurse? I don't think I've had encounters with bad nurses.

What is your favorite type of Lunchables? Idk what those are. I mean I have a vague idea of them, but I didn't grow up with them.

What gives you migraines? My job, and every itty bitty thing about my job.

What is the worst medication side effect you’ve ever had? Not a medication, but I've always gotten horrible fevers from all my Covid vaccines and boosters.

When was the last time you remember your life being good? My horrible day-to-day at my job notwithstanding, my life is pretty fuckin sweet right now given that CM Punk has returned to WWE. Anyone here know me since 2013/14? HAHAHAHA THAT ROBYN IS BACK AND HOPEFULLY SHE'S HERE TO STAY FOR A WHILE

What makes you forgetful? Stress or trauma, I would say.

Do you block stupid, ignorant people on Facebook? I'll sometimes block actual profiles, but most of the time if I see something I don't like I either just pettily report the thing or have the post hidden from my feed.

What is your favorite magazine to read? I have not read one in yearsss, and the only exception is if a magazine covers BTS or one of the BTS members and does a profile feature on them. Sometimes the stories come out great and sometimes they are ass.

What is your favorite thing to order at Taco Bell? I just get the first burrito I see on the menu. I've never been familiar with their items. I'm not a Taco Bell regular because there's only like 3 of them here and all of them are too far and I'd never go out of the way just for some foreign fast food hahaha.

What was the first color you dyed your hair? Ash brown. I wanted to go all-in off the bat and tried to ask for green, but the salon was super protective of my soon-to-be-bleached virgin hair hahaha and insisted I go a mild shade first, so ash brown it was. I never did get around to dyeing my hair green.

Do you trust your parents completely? No.

Do you have someone you feel completely safe around? Sure.

What church do you go to? My family attends Sunday mass at our local parish.

Have you made a lot of mistakes? Is there anyone who would actually say no to this?

Do you take risks often? Eh, not really. I don't have a lot of safety nets in the first place, so it's smarter for me to play it safe for the most part.

Who was the last person you called on the phone? The aforementioned delivery rider.

What color is your favorite whiteboard marker? I don't use markers much.

[eldritch-queern-magicat]

Well I don't feel like the scum of the earth anymore. Still don't feel great, but that's partially from the cramps.

Good news, I called my therapist and switched my appointment to Thursday (initially for next Tuesday). Bad news, I actually felt I needed to tell her I was indeed safe at that point.

A worker from the other mental health service I use called to get a phone visit. And I broke hard, probably worse than yesterday when my regular worker called. It's probably part of why I got a call today. When I said I was thinking of rescheduling sooner with my therapist, she had me do that immediately and call her right back.

On that note, both my therapist and psychiatrist are going to be concerned. The truth is, I almost decided to go to the emergency room several different times since Friday. I was really afraid that I was going to do something dangerous to myself.

I think what kept me from being impulsive and stupid is ultimately that I can't let my naysayers win. If I hurt myself so purposely over the shame they've tried to cast on me, then it means I've let them win. I also have a trip this weekend, like last December. I don't plan on missing that.

But mostly I'm fueling my will to live with spite. Just a massive middle finger to people who think I'm evil, gross, and worthless. I've spent too long trying to live up to others' expectations. I no longer give flying fuck at a rolling donut what other people think I should be. I just don't want to be a mean, bitter person.

As a whole system, this is gonna take time. Both Galaco and Pandemonum integrated their splintered memories through the drone. I think that's what triggered Pandemonum Saturday morning, since Galaco started Friday night. Other parts have periodically called Galaco out for isolating it all out of fear, as it's fear of the self also made several others afraid of interacting safely. And I think Pandemonum thought there was a clear divide between those who were mostly just reacting to the trauma and those who actually enjoyed the horror we'd gotten into over time. That explains why it thought it was projecting its more specific interests onto the rest of us when trying to figure out how to cope.

I think that's what we all did, like we were afraid we'd all reject each other. It sounds really silly now that I'm writing this on here, but the thing is, the abuse and trauma had totally turned me against myself. I didn't know how to like myself very much, because most people would never really help, if I ever actually opened up about it. But based on previous experiences, we thought we were safer if we said nothing. It took a long time to learn that more people actually care about us than not.

-Ash 🍗😺

[eldritch-system]

Something I've been working through today

Why is it that when someone hurts or triggers us, we have to smile, take it, and make excuses for them because we care about them and don't want to be upset, but we get frustrated because someone was upset at us while in the waiting room of a hospital because we made a remark about something that we see as a normal part of our life akin to tripping and falling, we get kicked from a group server of people we considered our closest people? Yes, looking back on it, i can understand the issue, but it hurts that it feels like nobody tried to see our side of it.

There's more to it than that, but apparently that was the last straw. We spend so much time trying to see the viewpoint of others that it hurts when we get hurt and it feels like nobody bothers to for us. We spend so much time jumping through hoops to not express upset when people hurt us because we don't want to be unfair. And I don't think people see it that way because we're not great with social cues and have been dealing with a lot lately so things end up rougher than we would like at times.

I've been dealing with the year anniversary of my dad dying and not once did anyone except for one person think to just ask if I was okay. Even if they'd restricted me to a yes or no answer. It would have been something.

It's not about rsd or taking things too personally. It's about relationships getting to the point of actively fearing people's reactions to stuff because you're having a hard time and doing your best to keep that part of yourself away from people. And just this week, it's about being called aggressive just for expressing genuine confusion when someone said they would let us know if a situation changed and then not doing so when we had expressed understanding if it had. Just tell me when things change.

And almost every time we talk about this ongoing hurt with like, our therapist or people outside of the situation, we actually get the sympathy we would have expected from the people involved when we try to express the same.

We have existed in a void of having to be understanding of our hurt feelings, broken promises, situations that are out of people's conmtrol, lack of communication, and lack of care for so long at this point, because if we spoke out about it, people would just get upset and withdraw farther that they already were. I don't know what to do at this point. This is not trying to hurt or guilt people, it's a flat statement of what we've been going through that people seem not to get or care about despite us trying to communicate it and explain it on multiple occasions.

[dionysus-philosophy]

I'm basically screaming out to the void on this one. This is technically a vent where I accept criticisms and advice.

TW/CW: Mentions of abuse, violence, manipulation, general relationship conflict, mentions of suicide attempt and suicide in general, self harm, slurs, overdose, threats, mentions of ejaculation, sexual topics and acts, substance abuse, mild cussing, generally triggering content

Tags have been added to for those looking to block certain tags

Do not read if any of these topics trigger you!

My partner and I are polyamorous and we have been together for over 5 years. I have no partners (by choice because Im focusing on my self-growth) at the moment, and my partner has a few. One of them lives with us. It started under weird circumstances last summer that led to us inviting him to come live with us because he lived in a homeless shelter and was getting aggressive with other people. Whether you believe in the metaphysical or not, I have always had a tried and true intuition that was telling me that maybe we shouldn't allow him to live with us, but I can't argue that he shouldn't have housing because of a gut feeling (even though it's never incorrect), and leaving a fellow trans person on the streets left a bad taste in my mouth, so I allowed it.

Little run down of this person: he has a laundry list of conditions, including but not limited to BPD, bipolar disorder, kleptomania, autism, hallucinations, etc. He acts like a 15 year old at 21 and can never handle conflict, regardless if he's on his meds or talking with a therapist. He will also often twist whatever happened in a conflict to make himself look like the victim if he talks with a therapist or friends (only the ones we're not friends with) and they end up giving the wrong advice as a result and it just furthers the conflict. He is absolutely addicted to weed and alcohol (most times he takes them together) to the point of willing to deal with seizures to cope with shit his meds would have helped with because he developed a sensitivity to THC for a bit. I believe his addiction to weed has influenced his brain to the point of actual concern. He is a major hypocrite and knows this. He also downplays or outright denies my disabilities, what words are slurs, and what my upbringing was like. He yelled at me that spaz was not a slur when I, someone who has been called that a lot, said that it was. He is quick to use slurs in general, especially retard, despite my boundary of not saying that around me, but gets mad if I say it, despite being on the spectrum, too. He's even denied my transness because I am not so desperate to kill myself like he has been before (even though he missed the 8 horrible years of me being trans in public school with closed-minded parents where I actually almost did commit suicide because i felt alone and like i wasnt enough), am not on testosterone, and I'm generally fine being a bit more femme, even though I've said I kind of identify with the term twink to describe myself.

To make a long story short, he has repeatedly abused my partner in every possible way. My partner has risked harm to himself to try keeping this person alive because he has consistent refused to prioritize his medications in favor of testosterone (even though he has a great voice and passes well already, which is his main concern). We have kept him from cutting, from overdosing on medication, from setting himself on fire when we took the meds away, and hiding knives before he takes them and hides them for later use against us. This person has threatened violence against my partner and I, including threatening my partner with a knife (and admitting he did so to scare him, not because he actually wanted to hurt him). The ER doctor advised us to stay at a friend's house one night. This was when he sliced his hand open when trying to take back the knife he threatened my partner with, and we had to convince him to go because he refused to initially. When we honestly told the doctor that he tried to kill himself, that he was stopped, but injured himself with the knife he threatened to kill my partner with, he said they couldn't hold him unless he had intent to actually kill himself or hurt someone else while he was there, so that if he was returned home, we should stay at a friend's house. However, this person booked it when he could and then said the only way we were finding him was as a corpse. That was enough to put him in holding when he complied when found later. He does not respect the boundaries that he agreed to. The episode that resulted in a cut hand was over whether or not my partner came in me or not (weird thing to obsess over, especially when he could have asked me because he knows I don't lie and that I hate lying). And now, because I mentioned that I felt secure in myself in not needing hookups, he has completely acted out like a child. Sure, I said that, but more out of what the conversation was about and stating a fact about myself. There was no meaning behind it, and I never meant for it to come off a certain way. He first pretended like everything was fine and then bitched to my partner for hours about what i said, including using aggressive language in regards to me. And in all of the hypotheticals and past (resolved) problems he decided to bring up, he threatened violence against me, both for himself and to see how my partner would react. My partner is discouraging any violence, but refuses to take sides because this isn't his conflict and he doesn't want his partner to think that he is picking a side (because he has threatened suicide or violence if he even thinks that my partner doesn't agree with him).

I'm exhausted.

In the year I've known him, I'm seeing actual patterns of abuse, noticing that he does these things intentionally, having my own mother and friends (both with and without similar conditions) advise that he either needs to heal and do better or my partner will have to leave him for our safety. Even my partner is thinking of ending our lease early and going as far as moving to a different part of the country, if not just finding a different apartment and ending things with this person. The friends with BPD and bipolar are HORRIFIED of all the stuff they've either witnessed or heard me tell them. I wish I trusted my gut feeling more to set my foot down and I am angry every single day that my partner has to deal with this BS and there's nothing I can do to help him (at least not in a way that is actually productive). I try to be understanding of his conditions, and I know that especially with BPD, what looks like manipulation and abuse are often just trauma responses that they need help managing, but it's becoming too much. I'm tired of the abuse, the lying, the manipulation. I'm so fucking tired. My partner put himself in massive amounts of debt to find a better place after getting screwed over by a different landlord and has never asked this person for any repayment. He has even offered to pay for this person's entire trip back to his original state to stay with a friend because he will often act like he's breaking up with my partner, but when my partner does everything to try and accommodate his feelings and take on every moving cost to keep him from attempting suicide once he's settled, he'll turn it around and act as if my partner is trying to break up with him.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm done with the mind games, I'm tired of seeing my partner be spent to his last thread trying to help this person only for all our efforts to be in vain because he cannot do the bare minimum when we give him so many opportunities to go to therapy, get back on his meds, and better cope with his conditions. I try to remind myself that when he is doing these things, it's not what he truly thinks or wants to do, but we can't keep doing this especially when he has admitted to doing abusive things intentionally, and my partner refuses to prioritize his well-being. All abuse resources often give advice relating to "average" people and none for when a person's mental problems are worse than just depression. Does anyone know what to do? I'm at my wits end here, and I'm genuinely lost.