#im not paralyzed!!!!!!
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imagine ur garthy o’brien, just trying to fuck this hot ranger you met at your brothel that you own, except her teenage kids/wards/bosses keep knocking on the door to your bedroom and interrupting you guys and THEN you learn that she’s actually in a committed relationship but didn’t tell you, so THAT sucks but THEN one of the teens comes and finds you in the middle of the night yelling about how his friend is gone and they can’t find him and he might be in danger, so you help him teleport to his friend, and then when they all get back, looking extremely upset and dejected, you apologize to the ranger’s daughter for making her feel uncomfortable by fucking her mother and in the process SHE reveals to you that her mom’s boyfriend is actually this really cool werewolf guy that you KNOW and have fucked on multiple occasions
#and THEN first thing in the morning you find the goblin teen paralyzed in the courtyard#anyway im rewatching fhsy in preparation for junior year and WHAT a trip#the way garthy just casually refers to ayda as the librarian of the compass points library#THATS YOUR MOM/DAUGHTER#my HEART#also god i love sandra lynn so much#AND tracker#AND ragh#AND each and every one of the bad kids#missed them <3 <3 <3#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high: sophmore year#fhsy#d20 fhsy#garthy obrien#original
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How I'm still highly functional (my parameters) under this amount of stress and how it has not triggered any fucked up episode of anything (yet) is literally a miracle and I'm not even joking
#especially if you consider that im actually lowering my dosages#am i anxious as hell? yes jesus omg yes i am#but im FUNCTIONAL!#no panic attacks and though i do wanna throw up thinking about tomorrow... still im not paralysed by fear#im not paralyzed!!!!!!#also dark thoughts are indeed occuring but nothing out of what it usually is#i havent been considering acting on them *really*#which again what??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND lastly but still very important: food habits#am i eating terribly? yes but im having lunch every day!#is my body image killing me inside? yes but im too busy to think about it!!!! which is good!!!!!!#basically im so busy and so stressed that i literally have no time to have a breakdown#and that's great!!!!!!!!!!! because last time my therapist was almost calling people to actually get me out of uni and take me home again#i was this close 🤏#BUT I AM FUNCTIONAL!#yay <3#tw#personal#might delete later#maybe not idk
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the leaf was not enough. my art program needed to corrupt itself to save him from temptation /j
#narilamb#help im going through all my sai files and i have task paralyzation to post all the doodles lhsdkgsd#cw suggestive
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btw, a gift for my lovelies🤭
rather late to the trend but at this point you could say being late is my Thing
tried to do lineart more again cause if i keep spending weeks on rendering a single drawing im gonna drive myself insane lmao
short announcement under the cut
i'm gonna be hella busy from today til uhhhh a little into the next month, im gonna have some mid semester exams and I'm Not Ready (nothing but the concequences of my own actions). So i will not be able to cook up much, again. I might make some stuff here and there cause i have an addiction but no promises
once im back im hoping to draw more sillies and au stuff tho!
#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl fanart#imma go back to being so stressed out about university that im paralyzed
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Ravioli day 5 four days later for raviolishipweek by @breannasfluff
I finished this 25 panel hell of a comic. It's resolution is a bit quick but i don't think I'm impartial after spending days on it
#pretty proud of some panels still#i didnt have the strength to add simple shading like the previous one sorry--#at this point im accepting it as it is#the explanation about Lege silence : he got injured rather badly and didn't have the heart to tell Ravio#after that its the anxiety of sending sending a letter after weeks of not responding to the few worried letters he receivzd#it just paralyzed him and he felt stuck#they talk it after that#Wars and Four had the unlucky eye contact as Lege tried to rizz Ravio#That was unfortunate because you don't want to have a fit laughter in the middle of a lover quarrel#Also Wild and Hyrule having some kind of bet was so funny#you can come up with was it would be lmao#Wild lost sadly#lu legend#lu ravio#lu twilight#lu time#lu four#lu warriors#lu sky#lu wild#lu wind#lu hyrule#linked universe#ravio x legend#ravioli#ravioli ship#raviolishipweek#hope you guys like it#also in Ravio's place i would have falling for Lege attemp qt smoothing things over with some light flirt
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brand new body
#my art#pokemon#pmd#pmd2#pmd eos#grovyle#dusknoir#in the future of darkness#is there like a tag for that chapter lol. do people look at tags for that#cw eyestrain#just in case#kinda winged the inner anatomy ngl i didn’t want to look at organs sorry#this was soo fucked up. i hadn’t really realized how fucked up that shit was#until looking at tumblr fanart LMAO#‘yeah im killing you and taking over your body to fool everyone and keep the world grey and paralyzed’ like damn#dusknoir was a really cunty villain. if i’m being honest. <3#anyways i am making downright incomprehensible art. this is what you do when you’re so fed up i suppose#i really really REALLY like how this came out thoug#so i am actually posting it lol. i have so much pmd art i haven’t made/finished
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I've lost my will to live
#artists on tumblr#digital art#artwork#procreate#smackies art#fan art#my art#ghost eyes comic#ghost eyes#ghost eyes tobias schneien#ghost eyes Mr. Edburt#Mr. Edburt#doesnt have a tag??? 😨#redraw#🥰#GUYS#11 HOURS#11 HOURS!!!!!!#ima kms /j#ghost eyes webtoon#ghost eyes fanart#im act paralyzed on my bed rn#i sacrificed my back neck brain hands and legs for this#ghost eyes tobias#religious trauma#is so fun to draw#tobias schneien
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No one in the universe is doing it like them. Absolutely unreal
#drawing lister without an earring is like drawing an angel without wings ive decided#for boo#also im experimenting with some different styles in hopes that i will one day be able to consistently draw faces that i dont hate#im quite happy with these ones ngl#yet again paralyzed by indecision when it comes to which color combination to use for them#i admit i am enjoying the bisexual lighting#red dwarf#rimster#dave lister#arnold rimmer#my art#and thats TWO count em TWO completely rendered images from yours truly in the span of a week#forgot how to draw for a minute but were back
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I believe in lecturing and haranguing people who wrong you or act inappropriately not because I think you'll be able to convince them they're wrong or should feel shame through the power or oratory but because being yelled at/chased around/scolded is deeply unpleasant even if you think the person doing it to you is completely insane, sometimes especially so,
and the basic conditioned response of hoping to avoid more punishment is, while not anywhere near the best or most effective behavior modification tool, actually functional as a deterrent for unwanted social behavior. kyle your coworker who makes rape "jokes" will never be convinced that this is evil behavior or feel bad for doing it, but you can introduce immediate and unpleasant consequences for making rape jokes that will eventually cause an aversive response. to do this effectively you need to be comfortable with adopting an enforcer position in the social group, which most people aren't because we naturally fear being disliked more than almost anything else. taking on the burden of being the local Bitch Who Hates Fun is in fact pro-social and benefits everyone, even kyle.
this is basic, primitive animal training theory and it's not nearly as effective as rewards-only behavior modification, but by the time Kyle is 25 and bothering you at work his parents have already fucked up the learning period where he could have been prevented from being an asshole. now it's time for the stick. if you really wanted to get stuck in, introducing positive feedback for being well-behaved is the next step but I think that's usually more energy investment than you can do interrupting some idiot on the bus or responding to sexual harassment in the grocery store.
#blog#this is not in reference to anything btw#nothing happened to me or anyone else im just bloggin'#imo the trick to not being paralyzed by social judgment is to remind yourself that you dont esteem people who hold those opinions#its a little rug pull you can do to your own reflexive shame#wait a minute: why do i care what this bitch thinks
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i didnt write my essay for this 👍👍
im so festive with my red and green color combos n whatnot
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#i still cringe when i add those tags. i hope no one sees me#i have actually been drawing him constantly for days(weeks)(months) like still and yet what do i have to show for it#a whole lotta sketches and nothing FINISHED and so many ideas i havent even drawn#im like paralyzed#by the ONSLAUGHT of ideas that i wanna see so bad but if i wanna see em i gotta do them and i cant pick which one to focus on so im like#damn i guess ill just walk around my kitchen like a deranged idiot#i could say soooo much about him and then still have more to say#i find new things to say about him everytime i even think about sayin one thing#and then i never say anything#again. paralyzed.#and really do i even wanna talk about him anyways whats there to even say really like really really. NOTHING. i have nothing to say.#when you ignore all the things id love to say i have nothing to say and thats really all there is to say on the matter.#mic drop#ANYWAYS thats the post i hope im talkin to no one. unless. hiii nugget 👋👋
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RETURN TO TRENCH
lil tyler doodle as i (patiently) await new music drop
#plot twist yes i’m a tøp fan#i missed out on sai because i was#going through it#but WE BACK BABEY#i feel like im 12 again#the Good Days#i like doing doodles#it helps me fight the perfectionism that paralyzes me in art block#tøp#i am clancy#twenty one pilots#tyler joseph#clikkie#tøp art#tøp fanart#tøp clique
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a father's love
#SNIFFLIGN AND WEEPING. IM SO FUCKNH NORMAL ABT THE KNIGHT OF DAWN. SNIFFLES. I LOVE HIM#guys u dont get it anytime i think abt him i start tearing up its so TRAGIC. being essentially pushed into the role of a knight for his kin#and pushed to kill briar valley's princess when he clearly doesnt want to. for the sake of a POTENTIAL to save the man who took him in. for#the sake of keeping his love happy and saving her father. to have a kid who you care so deeply for that u both give him up to a better futu#putting him to sleep for who knows how long so he can live in peace. even if it means you wont be in the picture. even if ur dead. SNIFFLES#im CRYIGN im MUSHY ABT IT. FUCKJIGN SUE ME#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#silver vanrouge#knight of dawn#ch 7 spoilers#book 7 spoilers#UUAGAAGAHHHHHHHHH#suntails#AND SILVER!!!! so resentful of what his og dad did. so guilt ridden of being his descendant. bearing the pain of a crime he didnt even comm#of leaving malleus with no parents. of killing the PRINCEiSS of his KINGDOM that hes been sworn to protect. the feeling of treason in his <#him trying desperately to push this away while completely paralyzed over the weight of his realization and crumbling to it. AUGGHGHH#sorry im normal (lying) (lyign) (extra lying)
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i've thought about writing all day. i sit down to start working on the second draft of my novel. i lose ALL MOTIVATION. i want to write but my brain won't let me HELPPPPPP
#i feel like this is my fear getting in the way??#im so terrified of doing badly that it's paralyzing me#i am on a time frame i need to get this done#WHY CANT I WRITE#writers#writeblr#writing community#writers block
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HHHHHGHHHHGH OH MY GODDD serah having actual ptsd symptoms after everything that happened.... I'm gonna punch a hole through my wall brb
#the nightmares the detachment and isolation the anxiety UGHHHHH MY GIRL#fragments before is so fucking bittersweet so far#snow's words to her... what if i weep actually#when vanille recognized that look in serah's eyes as her own i had to just sit there and stare at the ceiling for a minute good lord#final fantasy xiii#serah farron#she's so paralyzed by her own fear and guilt#it's no wonder she couldn't muster up the strength to take life into her own hands until noel snapped her out of it#im going insane
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I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.
My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.
It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.
#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles#no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it#like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out#because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do#just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem#And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers#without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up#slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it#and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way#one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public#Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or#be In The Way of a peaceful moment#dont look at me#this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic#I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another#is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though#he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script#I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to#a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process#im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on#its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive#That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers#before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant
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Owen Teague as Harold Lauder in The Stand (2020)
#my feeble willowy pathetic pillbug#on his stomach and paralyzed with another man on top of him - he was in HEAT#found it interesting how the man was like “im an alpha and i'm gonna assert dominance over women”#but he spent the entire scene grinding against harold and snarling over him like he was his last meal#5 stars for owen whimpering moaning and writhing in pain because of a burly man overpowering him#whump#owen teague#harold lauder#the stand 2020
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