#and that she felt like she always had to fix me because i was helpless

[highraccoon]

when you explain that you're looking for compassion and believing in the best in each other in a relationship and that you felt it was inappropriate to bring up how someone else's issues (they are unrelated to the problem) were worse and more valid than yours and that you have no right to be upset because you're the villain for things that they misunderstood you doing or just did themselves and blamed you for. they also accuse you of being codependent with your needs. so you try to repeat yourself on your expectations and boundaries in friendships (i will accept no less than someone at least putting in the effort or having the desire to have a healthy friendship) and that there was so much she did that i never asked for nor wanted but i accepted it because i didn't want to seem ungrateful so whatever codependency she felt we had must have been one sided because i explicitly remembered that i never made her responsible for my mental well-being, i did not actually like that she treated me like a child and i had been complaining about that for years in our friendship especially near the end of it. i was an adult and didn't appreciate being treated like a child. but i went along with it because i was willing to let her get away with it if that's what she felt she needed from our friendship. so i sent her a basic infographic about healthy relationships and how they work and noted that the things i had asked for were just basic healthy relationship things and that i have never at any point in our friendship wanted her to take care of me. i wanted us to be equals. she told me that she wasn't willing to put in that amount of effort for anyone and how her boyfriend is her family and her life and her purpose and how friends just weren't really a priority at all and they certainly never got close to the level of importance as her romantic relationship. like... she literally disagreed with treating people with basic respect because friendship wasn't worth that effort. so i told her i hope she heals that wound in her heart and that she can eventually move on from whatever caused it but that i refused to settle for less than a healthy friendship just because she doesn't know how to love anyone fully or put aside her pride. that i genuinely hope she heals and has a good life but to never contact me again because i don't care to see it. that whatever is going on with her that she's been running away from isn't my problem for her to project onto me. she doesn't get to assume my intentions or thoughts or feelings about anything when she never asked me once. but fine, she has every right to think whatever she wants about me regardless of how true it is because I'm not responsible for her feelings, especially not now and i would genuinely appreciate it if she never spoke to me again.

people in the thick of amanormativity who haven't deconstructed relationships with others who are strict monogamists are so fucking exhausting.

[captainlunaxmen]

First Sight

Dark!Coriolanus Snow x Fem!reader

Here we are! Sorry for the wait, but I thought I had everything planned out and... I didn't, so I'm sorry I made you wait this long❤️❤️❤️

Let me know what you think, please, because this is my first time writing a dark fic, so feedback is highly encouraged in this case🙏🙏🙏

Summary: Y/n has been part of the Covey since she can remember, when her best friend Lucy Gray is chosen for the Hunger Games her world is threatened, she need to stay strong for her family. She's never been one to love attention. She never wants to draw too much anyway, gladly leaving the stage to her best friend, but she managed to catch someone's attention anyway. A young, ambitious man from the Capitol saw her for just a moment, but that was enough to make an obsession grow inside him.

Warnings: dark fic, obsession, harassment, smut, rape.

Tag list:

@7s3ven @wintersforest @tallulah477 @diannnnsss @that-one-person-blue @kemo19

"Are you sure you want to wear that?" Y/n asks her best friend as they get ready to, yet, another reaping day.

"Of course." Lucy Gray answers, simply as ever, "at least I'll look pretty when they say my name."

"If." Y/n reminds her, "if they say your name."

"After all that mess with Billy Taupe? Mayfair will surely ask her daddy to pull some strings." Lucy Gray slightly scoffs.

"Maybe not..."

"You're too optimistic sometimes." She smiles at her friends, fixing the colourful skirt down.

"I just don't want to think about the worst." Y/n replies, tightening the belt on her own dress.

"Better get used to it."

They share a look, one filled with hope yet resignation too. They smile at each other and walk hand in hand out their home to get to the town square for the annual reaping.

--------------

They hold each other's hand until Lucy Gray's name is announced, and after a quick squeeze, she lets her friend's hand go to walk to the stage.

Y/n's breathing is heavy and frantic. She can't believe it, and when she notices Billy Taupe trying to talk to Lucy Gray, she has to contain herself from hitting him with a shoe... or two.

But her eyes are on her best friend walking up, and then she notices something in her hand. Y/n has to contain her laughter when Lucy Gray puts that something in Mayfair's dress. She can guess it was either a snake or a small lizard. Without much reaction to Mayfair's screams and the mayor's order to help his daughter Lucy Gray walk the stairs, but before she could get on, the mayor slaps her right in the face, making her fall Y/n's feet move on their own, she need to be blocked by a Peacekeeper to realise what was happening. She looks behind her to the rest of the Covey, scared and helpless. So the only thing that comes up to her mind is the only things that always help them all.

Music.

Y/n sings the first verse of one of their favourite songs, and when the other Covey follow Lucy Gray stands up and sings too.

She sends a sad smile to her family before walking away with Jessup and the Peacekeepers.

"Clear the square!" One of the Peacekeepers yells, and everyone starts to walk away to their own business.

"Let's go home." Y/n hugs Maude Ivory, and motion to the rest to follow her.

"Will we ever see her again?" CC asks.

"One thing about Lucy Gray is that she should never be underestimated." She replies, "So... she still hasn't sung her last song."

--------------

Coriolanus Snow is a collected man. Whatever happens to him, he tries his best not to show any reaction to it. But he almost can't help the gasp after he saw the girl from 12. He noticed how she wanted to reach her friend after the mayor slapped her.

Some people would dare say it's love at first sight, Coriolanus doesn't exactly know what to believe, he never felt like that before, he feels like all he could do all day is think of her, just that and it would be almost enough for him... only having her would satisfy him properly.

But he can't risk it... he can't risk his winning for someone he only saw for mere seconds.

He needs to keep his eyes on the real goal.

--------------

When he got home that day and talked to Tigris, he thought he left the girl in the back of her mind.

"I can't even imagine how her family must feel... that girl, did you see her?" Tigris asks, "her eyes when that man slapped Lucy Gray..."

"Yeah... she was ready to jump in and defend her." Coriolanus says casually, "she sang for her."

"I bet they sang a lot together... both of them got a beautiful voice." Tigris guesses, sadness evident in her voice.

"Beautiful indeed." Coriolanus whispers.

Now, his mind is back on her.

That nameless girl from 12. How did she manage to strike him like that? How she stepped out of line to reach her friend, how she sang for her. What was it?

"You okay, Coryo?" Tigris snaps him out of his thoughts.

"Who do you think she was?" He asks.

"Who?" Tigris is confused.

"That girl, the one who sang for Lucy Gray." He specifies.

"Oh... uhm.. I don't know. Her sister? Or maybe a friend, I don't know." She answers, still confused by her cousin's question. "Why do you want to know?"

"No reason." Coriolanus shakes his head, "Goodnight, Tigris."

Without waiting an answer he walks to his bedroom, gets ready for bed and lies on it with one thought in mind.

Surprisingly, not the Hunger Games.

No.

The nameless girl from 12.

--------------

Y/n helped Maude Ivory carry the small television their neighbours landed them so they could keep up with the games and, most importantly, Lucy Gray.

"Remember you have to babysit their babies this week, okay?" Y/n tells the young girl as they plug the television in.

"Of course, are you going to sell your bread?"

"Yes, I left some dough to rise this morning. By tonight, it'll be ready to bake." She assures her.

"Is it on?" CC comes in followed by Tam Amber.

"I think... if I do this." Y/n hits the box hard, and suddenly the screen turns on.

"Careful!" Maude Ivory shouts.

"He told me it needs it sometimes. It's okay." Y/n waves her off as the screen finally shows some movements, still no sound, but it's still something.

"Who is that?" CC asks, as a man appears on the screen wearing a high-collared suit and gelled hair, "is he a clown?"

"Could be..." Y/n sighs.

"Where is he?" Tam Amber asks, getting closer.

"No idea... there are bars behind him... I think..." Y/n tries to answer, but the scene is not clear yet, so she hits the television again.

"Y/n!"

"See? Now it's better." Y/n nonchalantly says, "seems like a cage... wait..."

"There's people inside." CC notices, "are those the tributes?"

"Oh god... probably."

"Can you see Lucy Gray?" Tam Amber asks.

"There... I think she's the only one wearing so much colour." Muade Ivory points at a point in the back.

"Yes, that's her... who's that with her?" Y/n moves closer to the screen, "he looks too cleaned up to be a tribute."

"No idea." CC says.

The host notices them too and apparently asks them to get closer.

Y/n looks more attentively at the guy, inspecting him now closer to the camera, it's clear he's not from the districts.

"Could it be someone from the Capitol?" The little one suggests.

"He could be... but why is he in there?" Y/n sighs, frustrated, "damn it, why can't we hear anything?"

"Y/n! I'm so sorry!" Barb yells from the kitchen.

Y/n is immediately on her feet running to her.

"What happ-" she starts but stops as soon as she see the bowl with the dough she prepared on the floor, "how?"

"I was cleaning and I accidentally hit it. I'm so sorry." Barb Azure explains, apologising again.

"It's..." Y/n lets out a puff of air, "it's okay, I can still save some. Don't worry."

"I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, really." She immediately pick up what she can from the floor, "I can save some. We'll just sell a little less than usual, tomorrow I'll make more."

"I'm..."

"Don't, it's okay, I promise. Go see Lucy Gray on TV, c'mon." She nudges the girl and kneel down to clean, " go."

Y/n watches Barb Azure disappear in the other room, takes a deep breath and goes back to work.

--------------

They managed with selling the bread, the milk, the occasional jewellery Y/n makes and the performance at the Hob to survive.

Y/n haven't been sleep well since Lucy Gray entered the Arena. She's glad Jessup and her managed to escape the toher tributes and found somewhere to hide. But Y/n can't help the anxiety devouring her everyday, she tries to ease the Covey, making them distracted with everything she could think of, but even singing and dancing isn't the same.

Y/n decided to forbid them from watching the games after Jill's, she thinks her name was, death and Reaper lined up the corpses of the others. She didn't want to risk them seeing Lucy Gray among them... she doesn't even know is she herself could.

But tonight Y/n feels like she needs to watch, she has to, for Lucy Gray, a way to be with her. She tries to spot her in the arena, and when the screen show Coral and Treech finding her in a air vent, Y/n stands immediately getting closer to the screen, and needs to hold in a scream when Coral manages to male her friend fall.

Out of her hiding space.

Back in the arena.

Suddenly a giant tank is lowered into the arena Y/n feels her breath stop. Nothing good could come out of there, nothing good comes from the Capitol.

The little girl from 8 get closer, thinking it's their signal they're going home, but unfortunately the tank breaks and thousands of colourful snakes creep out covering her small figure, most likely killing her.

They all run, run to a higher ground, the boy from 4 falls and the snakes caught up with him.

Lucy Gray and Coral run, while Reaper lets the snake take him.

Y/n holds her breath as she watches Coral say something to Lucy Gray, unfortunately they never managed to fix the sound so she can't hear them, but she can understand when Coral is dead, as the snakes tie themselves around her.

That leaves Lucy Gray the last one... she's won.

"What..."

Why aren't they letting her out? Usually they stop once there's only one left.

Lucy Gray keeps backing away from the snakes, and Y/n can see her mouth moving, she doesn't hear, but she can guess she's singing. Usually snakes there in 12 like music, maybe she's trying it with the Capitol's ones too.

When Lucy Gray's face points direct the camera it's clear ad the day that she's singing, with all the strength she has.

"Let her out." Y/n whispers.

Suddenly, the screen changes signaling that Lucy Gray indeed won the Hunger Games.

"Oh my god!" Y/n can't help but scream, she doesn't care if everyone is already asleep.

"What's going on?" Tam Amber walks in, sleepy face and all, followed by Maude Ivory.

"She won!" Y/n screams again.

"Lucy Gray won?!" Moude Ivory immediately runs to hug Y/n.

"She did it!"

"Does that mean she's coming home?" CC asks, he too arrived after hearing all the noise, Barb Azure too.

"I think so." Y/n nods, smiling like never before, a heavy burden is finally off her shoulders and she can let out a sigh of relief, "she's coming home."

--------------

"Your life has just begun." Sejanus tells him as they both travel to district 12, "you're gonna do great. We're both gonna do great."

"Just be careful, okay?" Coriolanus says to him, "it's a different world out here."

"Look at the bright side." He simply replies, and Coriolanus sends him a questioning look, "she might be there."

"Who are you talking about?"

"I heard you and Lucy Gray talking once." He starts, "you asked about the girl who sang for her at the reaping ceremony."

"I.." Coriolanus is caught off guard.

"You're lucky, Ma always told me stories when I was younger about love at first sight." He explains, "the way you ask more and more about her... you can't fool me." He lets out a small chuckle.

"And if she's not there?" Coriolanus asks.

"Why wouldn't she?"

"What if they killed Lucy Gray and she just doesn't want to have anything to do with me? How about that?" He challenges.

"They wouldn't. She was a hit, Coryo. There's no reason for them to kill her." Sejanus tells him, "so you know her name?"

Of course he does, it's the very first thing he asked Lucy Gray. He's been reciting her name since he learned it.

"Y/n." He smiles as he says it.

--------------

"You're singing with me tonight." Lucy Gray warns Y/n, as they gather the instruments they need for tonight's performance, the first since Lucy Gray got back.

"I am... so not doing it." Y/n replies, shaking her head.

"Why not?" She pouts.

"Because I... I'm not." Y/n simply answer, not meeting her eyes.

But Lucy Gray doesn't give up so easily, she tries to make eye contact with her friend, she knows she wouldn't resist.

"Give me a good reason." Lucy Gray challenges again.

"Because... The people want you." Y/n tells her, "you're better at singing than me."

"That's not true." Maude Ivory chimes in, "they loved you."

"Thank you..." Y/n says sarcastically, "I'm not doing it."

"Oh c'mon, I got back, think of it as a welcome back present!" Lucy Gray nudges her friend, "pleeeease."

"Nope, I was almost fainting the whole time I was on stage." Y/n shake her head once again, "not gonna happeen" she sings the last bit.

"You had to refuse me with that beautiful voice of yours too?" Lucy Gray accuses with a laugh.

"Yap." Y/n replies, "c'mon, we don't want tot be late."

"This is not the end." Lucy Gray warns her friend before taking her hand and then, with the rest of the Covey, head to the Hob.

--------------

Coriolanus couldn't contain himself, he can't wait to get out and find his girl.

She is his, he can't see it any other way.

They enter the Hob and Sejanus goes to get them a drink, while Coriolanus looks around, taking in the place, listening to the music.

His eyes find themselves on the stage, as a little girl goes to the mic.

"Is it hot in here?"

They must be the Covey Lucy Gray talked so much about, but he still can't spot Y/n. Where could she be?

The audience cheers loudly

"'Cause we're planning on heating it up a set more!" The girl screams, "the one, the only, Lucy Gray Baird!"

Coriolanus' ears perk up at her name, maybe his girl is with her.

Lucy Gray enters the stage, spinning with her guitar in hand, smiling as brightly as ever.

"Oh hey district 12, did you miss me?" She asks the audience, that immediately replies with a loud "Yes!"

"I bet you never expected to lay eyes on me again. And let me tell you, that goes both ways, but I am back. " She cheers, "I sure am back. Oh is that bottle there for me?" She asks pointing at a bottle of alcohol someone's holding up, " oh c'mon y'all, you know I gave up drinking when I was 12," she fakes complain and takes a sip, "just to clear my pipes, just to clear my pipes! Now, how about a song, uh?" Everyone cheers, happy, "but, I can't, you know." The audience lets out confused and discontent noises, Lucy Gray glances slightly at the side of the stage, in the dark Coriolanus can't see anything, "it's been a while and I don't feel like singing alone tonight. But I'm afraid, my sweet best friend, won't do me the favour... how about you help me convince her?"

The audience immediately burst into a wave of cheers and applauses.

"Do you want her?"

The cheering gets louder.

"Y/n!" Lucy Gray yells, "c'mon out, babes!"

"Y/n. Y/n. Y/n!" The audience chants.

And at last, she walks on the stage, glaring at her friend playfully.

Coriolanus heart skips a beat as he watch her walking to her friend, he never thought he could get more enamoured with her, but here she is, and he can't seem to take his eyes off her. The way she takes the guitar Lucy Gray offers her, the way she timidly smiles at the audience, once again glaring at her friend for putting her in this position.

"See? They love you!" Lucy Gray points at the audience, "now, let's show them how it's done!"

Lucy Gray nudges her friend with her hip as Y/n starts to play the guitar.

Coriolanus eyes are solely on her, and she isn't even aware of it, he can afford admiring her a little more before making her his.

--------------

Lucy Gray is the happiest since she managed to have Y/n sing and dance with her, but the moment he notices a familiar pair of eyes he freezes for an instant.

Coriolanus Snow is here in 12, and he's looking, no... he's staring at her friend.

She notices his weird interest in Y/n from the many unusual questions he made when they were talking. She didn't like how he was talking and asking about her friend like that, like he thought she was his already. She always dismissed it as a stupid sensation, maybe it's exactly that, just her sensation. He might like her, but nothing bad... not necessarily. She doesn't want to think bad of it.

Of course she told the Covey about everything that happened in the Capitol, she just didn't mention this particular thing, to protect her.

She take advantage of an instrumental break to tell Y/n.

"He's here." She says.

"Who?" Y/n asks, looking at the crowd, locking eyes with a blonde man.

"My mentor, the one I talked to you about." Lucy Gray answers.

"Is he blonde?" Y/n asks and Lucy Gray nods,"Why is he here?"

"No idea."

Y/n simply shrugs and keeps play while Lucy Gray sings, unfortunately their performance is cut short by Billy Taupe intervention.

"Fuck..." Y/n sighs, keeping playing, "it's not the first time he acts like that."

"I know you miss me, Lucy Gray." Billy Taupe drunkenly says getting closer to the stage, followed by Mayfair trying to stop him.

"You said you wouldn't play with them anymore." She complains.

Lucy Gray looks at the Covey rolling her eyes, Y/n rolls her own in agreement.

Suddenly Billy Taupe almost jumps on stage grabbing Lucy Gray's skirt.

"Don't touch me! After what you did, don't touch me." Lucy Gray orders him, kicking her foot to let him go of her skirt

"Y/n... Please, you're kind, you know you're all not the same without me." He moves to take Y/n's skirt now, "c'mon, make her see reason."

"Let go." Y/n tells him, she moves backwards but his grip makes her stumble and falls to the ground. Lucy Gray kneels to help her pull her skirt back.

A second later Billy Taupe is thrown to the side, making him lose his grip. The two girls look at the direction he was thrown, and they see that blonde man hitting him hard until another recruit stops him and takes him outside.

"Are you okay?" Lucy Gray asks, helping her friend to stand up.

"Yeah, yeah, all good." Y/n nods, "again, not the first time he acts like that."

"God.. I'm sorry.." the brunette says softly, picking up the guitar.

"Not your fault. Only his." She sighs, "I'm kinda glad your mentor was here, he was the only one to help."

" yeah, glad..."

"Is everything okay?" Y/n worries.

"Yeah, it's just weird seeing him here." Lucy Gray dismisses the question easily, "let's go home, c'mon"

"Okay.." Y/n isn't convinced, but decides to let it go for now, "c'mon ladies and gentlemen, let's get home."

"Wanna go practice some songs on the meadow, tomorrow?" Lucy Gray asks as they walk back home.

"I missed it so much, so of course!" Y/n cheerfully replies, earning a just as excited laugh from her friend.

--------------

Lucy Gray and Y/n played all afternoon in the meadow, like old times. It wasn't that long Lucy Gray stayed in the Capitol, but not knowing if she were to come back at all made it feel so much longer.

"I think this part should be a little slower, what do you think?" Y/n would ask after a while of playing 'The Hanging Tree'.

"This last part of the verse, you mean?" Lucy Gray checks, looking at the music sheets.

"Yeah, I think..."

Their heads snap behind them when they hear footsteps nearing.

"Sorry... we..." the same blonde man from the night before speaks, along a dark haired man, "they say we would find you out here."

"You're here... with that uniform.." Lucy Gray nervously chuckles.

"I thought they killed you." He simply says.

"Killed?" Y/n can't help the question.

"He... uhm.." his friend starts.

"I broke the rule to save her life." He answers, faking humbleness.

"The dean... Highbottom, got me on a train and gave me some money. He said you were sent to 8." Lucy Gray is quite confused.

"Change of plans." He would smile, "I'm Coriolanus Snow, by the way." He moves closer extending his hand for Y/n to take.

"She's Y/n, my best friend I told you about." Lucy Gray introduces her.

"Hi.." she shyly greets, taking his hand. She can't help the surprised "Oh..." When he, instead of shaking her hand, kisses the back of it.

"Nice to properly meet you, she talked a lot about you." Coriolanus charmingly smiles, "this is my friend, Sejanus."

"Nice to meet you," Lucy Gray shakes his hand with a bright smile.

"Nice to meet... you... too." Sejanus greets back with a sweet and kind smile.

They look at each other for a moment, just smiling. Y/n never saw he friend smiling like this with someone, she is so focused on her friend that she didn't notice Coriolanus still holding her hand, still looking at her.

"Oh sorry." Y/n finally takes notice of his hand and takes her own back, missing the pout forming on Coriolanus' face.

"All good." He whispers, "we quite enjoy the show yesterday."

"Oh.. yeah, yeah, yeah, it was great... until that guy came in." Sejanus agrees, nervously looking at Lucy Gray.

"Yeah, Billy Taupe can't accept the fact that we manage without him." She replies, smugly.

"Well, he's lucky you got back" Y/n mutters, "thanks, by the way, for getting him off and... also, of course, for saving Lucy Gray." She looks up at Coriolanus.

"A pleasure, really. There's no need to thank me." He replies, hitching to hold her hand again, to hold her to him and never let go, "anything for you."

At that Y/n takes a small step back, feeling a little nervous under his stare.

"We're going to the lake, tomorrow. Do you guys want to join?" Lucy Gray suddenly asks, surprising her best friend.

"Really?" Sejanus checks in, looking at the girls, "we'd like to."

"Of course, a way of thanking you." She assures him, "we usually go and have a sort of picnic."

"We'll look forward to it." Coriolanus too agrees.

"Yeah, it would be nice." Y/n wraps her arms around herself, to shield herself from his eyes.

"She makes an amazing apple cobbler too, the young ones loves it." The brunette praise her best friend, locking their arms together.

"You cook too?" Coriolanus is surprised, pleased, "you didn't tell me."

"She can do a lot of things, a real walking talent." Lucy Gray smiles proudly at her friend, nudging her side. Y/n's cheeks warm up at the compliments, turning her head to look away from them all.

"Always so shy, aren't you?" Coriolanus softly comments.

"She's never been the best with compliments." Lucy Gray softly chuckles, squeezing her friend's arm, "but she deserves them all."

"I'm sure she does." His soft stare makes Y/n shiver, she doesn't know why but she's intimidated by it.

"Uh..." she would start, but her eyes catch something behind the two men, "Maude Ivory." Lucy Gray follows her eyes to the little girl.

"You're friends peacekeepers." She says.

"They must be here for the fight." Y/n guesses, "I'll go handle it."

"I'm coming with you."

"Get the guitar, then." She instructs and Lucy Gray grabs the guitar.

"Hey.. we can't be seen with you, though." Coriolanus quietly tells them.

"That lake is in the woods, no one knows much about it but us, don't worry." Lucy Gray reassures him.

"That's comforting." Sejanus smiles grateful at her and she returns it.

"See you tomorrow then." Coriolanus says looking at Y/n who simply evades his stare, she politely smiles, but that doesn't stop Coriolanus from dreaming about her that night. How right their hands felt together, how beautiful she is so close... he can't wait for the next day.

He feels somehow grateful for Sejanus presence, he's sure Lucy Gray invited them both because she's interested in him. He remembers the little glances she would send his classmate at the Capitol. He will use it to his advantage, he knows how much Sejanus would love to help him get the girl of his dreams, he just needs a little push.

--------------

Y/n is making a new dough for the next day, while they're at the lake it will have time to raise. She's mostly making it to get her mind busy, to sort of preparing herself for the day at the lake with the two peacekeepers.

"Are you okay?" Lucy Gray cautiously asks, walking next to her.

"Whatever do you mean?" Y/n asks back, not glancing once at her friend.

"Mh... you're using that tone, for one." Lucy Gray nudges her, "and... you're kneading that dough as if you're chocking it. I'm pretty sure it's dead."

Y/n doesn't answer right away, she keeps kneading the dough, when she puts it in a bowl she turns to her friend.

"I'm okay." She finally says.

"Something bothering you." The singer gently takes her hand, guiding Y/n to sit with her at the table.

"Are the others sleeping?" Y/n asks, wiping her hands on a towel.

"Yeah, now tell me what's wrong." She softly urges her, "is it about tomorrow? Are you nervous or something?"

"I guess..."

"Why?" Lucy Gray asks, "do you fancy my mentor?" She tries to joke and teases her.

"No." She quickly answers, "no, really, I... it's like there's something off about him... I don't know, maybe it's just me."

Y/n lets out a heavy sigh and looks at Lucy Gray, who looks conflicted herself.

"I... uhm.." she starts, uncertain.

"What..?"

"I felt the same way when I met him... he would ask so many question about you, our life here you know, I could see he wanted to know more and more about you." She explains.

"Me? Why?" Y/n gets even more nervous.

"I think he saw you at the reaping ceremony, when you sang and... I don't know, you caught his attention."

"Oh..."

"We can cancel... or you can stay in, I don't want you to feel forced to go because I didn't think." Lucy Gray takes her hands again, reassuringly.

"No, it's okay... I mean maybe we're just looking too much into it..." Y/n shakes her head, "I kind of want to see if you and the other one move to the next step."

"You noticed.." she blushes slightly.

"You two where smiling at each other like crazy." Y/n smiles sweetly at her friend.

"He's sweet, I saw how he wanted to help the tributes during the games... but please, we don't have to go if you're uncomfortable." She checks.

"I'm fine, I promise." Y/n kisses her hands to assure her, "maybe it's just a misunderstanding. It'll be fine."

"Oh now you're comforting me?" Lucy Gray teases.

"Obviously." She smiles proudly, "how about you... how are you coping with... with the games?"

Lucy Gray's smile drops slightly, looking down at their hands, squeezing them a little tighter, scared she would be taken away again.

"I'm okay... sometimes I feel like I'm still there." Her eyes fill with tears at the memories, "I killed people, Y/n... I..."

"You can't just shake it off, right?" Y/n guesses and Lucy Gray nods without saying a word, "I won't say that I'll understand, I will try sure, I can't promise I will be able to of course, but... I'm with you, Lucy Gray, you're not alone, I won't let you deal with it alone."

Lucy Gray stands, and so does Y/n, she brings her into a warm hug. They hold each other like never before, they hugged in the past sure, but nothing like this. This hug is filled with comfort and safety, something they both need, they don't even want it to end in fear one of them could be taken away again.

"We should get some sleep." Y/n states with a chuckle, but doesn't break the hug.

"Yeah." Lucy Gray laughs, "I think we should." They pull apart, "Sorry, I really needed that."

"So did I."

With that little comfort from each other they can finally go to bed and get some sleep. Even though, Y/n can't really fall asleep so quickly, her mind constantly going to Coriolanus Snow and his eyes, his stare on her. Could it be possible that they're just imagining it or it's true?

She close her eyes for a second and the moment she opens them the first light of day greets her, making her groan.

"Fuck." She mutters out, uncovering herself and getting seated, not so ready to start the day.

"Morning." Lucy Gray's harsh morning voice greets Y/n in the kitchen as she prepares the basket for the picnic, "Did you get some sleep?"

"I did, do not worry." Y/n replies, "just... uh..."

"What?"

"Don't leave me alone with him, okay?"

Once Lucy Gray nods, Y/n gets back at the basket.

--------------

"This time of the year the water is just perfect." Maude Ivory excitedly jumps towards the lake.

"She loves the lake, if you can't tell." Y/n jokes.

"I wouldn't blame her," Sejanus says, "I'll trust her judgement, then."

"You should!" The little girl tells him, loud.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" Coriolanus offers to carry the basket for the tenth time, "I promise it's no trouble."

"And I promise it's fine, thank you." Y/n, once again, denies his help.

Coriolanus can't help the clenching in his jaw, his girl should never, ever, lift a finger. He'll make sure of it.

"We're almost there, anyway. No worries." She tries to chuckle and assure him.

"She's strong." Lucy Gray chimes in, "she never lets me do any heavy work around the house. It's crazy."

"No, well, that's because you're not the best at them." Y/n teases her.

"That's not true!" Lucy Gray laughs, "I got many talents."

"You do... not for handwork."

Lucy Gray gasps, faking offence, while the rest of the group laugh.

"How long have you been friends for?" Sejanus asks, "if I'm not intruding."

"We're basically sisters," Lucy Gray immediately answers, proudly, "our parents died and we got raised by the same person."

"I arrived after them, but everything fell into places so naturally, it felt like I found my family again." Y/n explains, with a big smile.

"Never left each other's side ever since." Lucy Gray takes her best friend's hand as they finally arrive at destination.

"We're here!" CC exclaims and Maude Ivory rushes to get into the water as soon as possible, making Y/n chuckle.

Coriolanus watches her closely, the way she worries about her family, the way she smiles, laughs and shines when she looks at the young ones. The more time he's in her presence, the more he falls in love with her, his desire to make her his growing each moment. His girl, his wife and, one day soon, his first Lady.

--------------

A day at the lake with her family is something Y/n always treasured, and will always treasure. She usually takes a few minutes to herself to enjoy the water, just floating with her eyes closed, she loves how free the stream lets her be.

The Covey always lets her live her peace... at least until it's time to eat, in that moment they would splash her until she gets to shore, earning, everytime, a glare from the poor girl.

And today should be no different, Y/n and Lucy Gray agreed not to make the others suspect their new friend makes them feel a little uneasy. So as Y/n floats on her own, Lucy Gray will try and keep an eye out to let her alone with her former mentor.

"What's she doing?" Coriolanus asks.

"Oh she likes to feel the water on her own." Lucy Gray explains, while Sejanus play with Maude Ivory, "to enjoy the moment."

"Wouldn't she be carried away by the stream?" He wonders.

"Nah, it's like the water knows where she should be."

"That's beautiful, Lucy Gray." Sejanus comments.

"Not my words." She is quick to specify, "hers."

Coriolanus spent the rest of the bath watching her, purposely ignoring his former tribute's stare. She probably wants to protect her friend, he thinks, but he's the only one who can protect her. And that he will.

"I'm starving!" Maude Ivory exclaims getting out the water towards the picnic blanket, "c'mon!"

Almost in an instant the rest of the Covey follows, apart from Lucy Gray who stays with Sejanus and Coriolanus, and Y/n floating not far.

Coriolanus shots his friend a look to tell him to get Lucy Gray away so he could have some time alone with his girl.

"I..." Sejanus stutters out, "I... I brought something. I know you two cooked for us too, so I wanted to bring something as a thanks... for the invite."

"Aaww but that's very sweet of you. You didn't need to." Lucy Gray almost melts at his words.

"I can show you. I mean they're preparing to eat so might as well help them." Sejanus suggests.

"Oh... uh... I mean..." she is hesitant, looking briefly at Coriolanus and at her friend.

"Coriolanus is here to look out for her, don't worry." Sejanus reassures her, but he doesn't know that his friend is the reason she needs to keep an eye out for Y/n.

Unfortunately, she knows she can't refuse, not without raising questions from her family nor suspects from the two peacekeepers.

"Yeah... Okay." She finally says, "but I mean, you don't have to, she's always does that. You can come with us."

"I don't mind." He's quick to reply, "I too enjoy the waters myself."

"See? No troubles at all." Sejanus smiles at her.

"We will call you soon, anyway." Lucy Gray tells him, she means it as a warning, even though Coriolanus doesn't register it that way.

"We'll be here." He smiles charmingly as always as he looks at the two climbing on the wooden deck and towards the Covey. She still watches over her friend.

As Coriolanus finally can enjoy the view he can notice her floating gently towards him.

'The water knows where she should be' Lucy Gray said, and the water is bringing her to him.

Y/n felt something touching her hand slightly, startling her.

"Oh sorry." She starts to apologise, but freezes when she sees Coriolanus in front of her.

"No need to apologise." He softly says.

"Where's everyone?" She asks.

"Preparing for the picnic." He tells her, secretly enjoy how her eyes don't meet his.

"Oh... I guess.. uh... I guess we should join them, then." She nervously chuckles, wanting more and more to not be alone with the Peacekeeper.

"Did you enjoy the water?" He asks, ignoring her suggestion.

"I... I did." She answers, "I love days like this."

With each word she slowly swims to the deck.

"I've never done this, you know." He says swimming closer.

"You don't have lakes at the Capitol?" She chuckles, again to hid her nerves.

"There's no room for nature." He simply says.

"Oh... that's... sad." She comments, feeling genuinely sad about that, "hope you're having a good day then, Mr Snow."

"Please, Coriolanus is more than fine, or Coryo... if you like." He tells her with a charming smile, internally begging her to say his name.

"Well, I hope you're having a good day, then, C-Coryo." She forces herself to smile, slightly letting out a sigh of relief when she realises she got to the wooden deck.

"The best in a long time." He catch up with her, ready to chivalrously help her climb up.

Y/n tries to be as quick as she can, but in doing so her foot slipped and she falls back into the water... in Coriolanus' arms.

"Shit..." she curses under her breath.

"You okay?" Coriolanus immediately asks, concerned.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, I... I slipped." She tries to subtly wiggle out of his arms. While what Coriolanus wants more is to hold her even closer. "We should... uhm... get to the picnic or.. or they w-will eat everything."

"Yeah..." Coriolanus eyes constantly switch from her eyes to her lips, "probably."

He doesn't move an inch though, his eyes keeping the same route, but moving his face closer to hers.

Y/n is cornered, she wants to freak out, but he's still a Peacekeeper, who knows what he could do if she rejected him badly.

"Uhm..." she tries to come up with something to say to get out of the situation.

He's living his dream, in the meantime, he's so close to kissing his girl for the first time he wants to enjoy every second of it. His hands find their way to her waist, caressing it.

Y/n shakes, she wants to run, hit him and run away. Coriolanus interprets the shaking as shyness, he's sure she feels the same, he thinks her shaking is only in anticipation of the kiss.

So he leans closer... and closer...

"Guys!" Lucy Gray's voice saves her, "it's all set!"

"We're coming!" Y/n shouts back immediately, turning away from Coriolanus as she feels his grasp tightening slightly.

Y/n manages to climb back up and misses the frustrated clenching in Coriolanus' jaw.

--------------

They sit on the blankets they brought as they eat, Y/n managed to take a seat in between CC and Maude Ivory, away from the peacekeeper. Lucy Gray, on the other hand, sits next to Sejanus which earned a teasing smile from her friend, Coriolanus sits next to him as they everyone eats.

"You weren't lying, this is amazing." Sejanus exclaims, mouth full of Y/n's dessert.

"You're being too kind now." Y/n can only shy away from the compliment.

"Told you, she's always underestimate herself." Lucy Gray low-kye scold her friend.

"True!" CC agrees, earning a glare from Y/n.

"It really is amazing." Coriolanus chimes in, "where did you learn?"

"Oh... well, when you have to feed all these mouths, that's what you have to do." Y/n explains, "and there were times where one didn't want to eat, when they were younger and didn't fully understand the situation, so I tried my best in making something tasty with what we had."

"Well, I didn't learn." Lucy Gray tries to highlight her friend's talent.

"That's because you were earning money with your guitar and performances." Y/n replies.

"Even that, not without your help." The singer insists.

"Mine?" Y/n laughs, "what help? You're the one singing beautifully everyday."

Coriolanus assist this playful banter and can't help the jealousy raising in him. He wants Y/n to joke with him like that, not with Lucy Gray. He wants to make her blush with compliments, not Sejanus.

"But you write the songs!" Lucy Gray exclaims, with a big smile.

"Not all of them!" Y/n laughs.

"The most beautiful ones, yes." Lucy Gray shots back.

"Oh shut up!" Y/n throws her friend a piece of bread.

"Did we hear any of these songs?" Coriolanus asks, curious.

"I think so," Lucy Gray answers, "plus the one I sang in the arena it's hers."

"Which one?"

"You didn't watch the games?" Sejanus asks.

"No, I did, I did, it's just that the TV we borrowed was a little broken so we couldn't hear anything." CC answers.

"Pity..." Sejanus comments, "she sang beautifully."

"Not a surprise." Y/n smiles, "so, what song was it?"

"The old Therebefore." Lucy Gray tells her, "you know it always gives me strength."

"That was yours?" Coriolanus asks, positively surprised.

"Uh.. yeah, though, I simply rearranged an old melody." Y/n explains, shaking her head dismissively.

"Told you, walking talent." Lucy Gray grins and Y/n throws another piece of bread at her.

Coriolanus is amazed, she will be a perfect first Lady, the people of Panem will love her. He's more and more realising what a perfect choice she will be.

Y/n rolls her eyes, giving up, earning a triumphant smile from Lucy Gray.

"It made all people in the auditorium cry." Coriolanus tells them, "a real moving moment."

"At least I would've gotten one last good performance before my demise." Lucy Gray says dramatically.

"Don't say that." Y/n immediately stops her, "you're here. That's all that matters."

They reach out at the same time to hold each other's hand, Sejanus looks at them with sweet eyes, Coriolanus only feels jealousy, eyes shooting daggers at Lucy Gray.

Unfortunately the things between Sejanus and Lucy Gray have been going strong. She is so in love, Y/n's never seen her so taken by someone like she is by Sejanus. The down side of her happiness is that the peacekeeper always brings his friend around. Coriolanus, in fact, insisted and convinced Sejanus to bring him everytime he visited Lucy Gray, and Sejanus, being the good friend he is, he was glad to help his best friend. They even managed to leave Coriolanus and Y/n alone, Lucy Gray too distracted by Sejanus to notice the deception. Y/n doesn't want her to notice anyway, she's happy her friend found someone she actually like, so she's going to endure a little longer for her, Lucy Gray deserves some happiness after all the horrors she saw.

That's why Y/n's now cooking in their kitchen, with Coriolanus watching her like a hawk.

"What are you making exactly?" He asks from his spot by the small table.

"It's... a apple c-cobbler." Y/n softly answers. He would listen to her soft voice all day if he could, saying his name, begging him.

"Do you need any help?" He offers, "you know I don't mind."

She hears him standing up and walking closer to her.

"It's okay, you don't ha-" she stops mid-sentence, Coriolanus' hands softly caressing her hips froze her.

"I don't mind." He whispers into her ear, thumb striking the clothed spot.

"No... uh... i-it's o-okay... uh..." she stutters, looking around for a way to get away.

"Or maybe... " he spins her around so he's looking directly into her eyes, "we can adress... this." He motions between them, getting even closer, bodies now against one another.

"Uh..?" Y/n is confused.

"Us." Coriolanus specifies, "I don't think we can ignore it any longer."

"Uh... I don't... know..." she's at loss for words, "what..?"

"I'm pretty sure, my interest is pretty obvious." He says this almost shyly, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek, "and... I think yours is too."

"My... interest?"She shakes her head, putting her hands on his arms to try and push him off, "Coriolanus..."

"I love it when you use my name, Y/n." Coriolanus says, leaning closer, ignoring how she avoids his eyes and pushes him away.

"Just..."

"Y/n!!"

"Shit.." he mutters under his breath.

"Where are you?" Lucy Gray asks.

"In the kitchen." Y/n answers, relieved Coriolanus stepped back.

"There you are." She enters the kitchen and immediately hugs her friend, Sejanus close behind her.

"Hi." He timidly says, then notices Coriolanus by the table, "hey Coryo, didn't expect to see tou here today."

There's tension between them, Lucy Gray turns her head to look at the blonde and her face drops.

"Is everything okay, Lucy Gray?" Y/n puts a hand on her friend's shoulder, reassuringly.

"Yeah, of course." She shakes her head and smiles brightly again, "what are you making?" She changes subject.

"Uh... apple cobbler." Y/n says softly.

"Mmmhh can't wait." She hums.

There's something off about this situation, since last night's performance at the Hob all three of them have been behaving weirdly. Lucy Gray was singing and after the song she went after Sejanus and Coriolanus, she was goon for some time and when she got back something in her eyes was off. She tried to wave it off, but Y/n knew her friend and she was sure something happened. Why Lucy Gray didn't want to talk to her only added to her worries.

Unfortunately the worst was yet to come.

--------------

"What do you mean you have to leave?" Y/n asks, getting more and more agitated.

"Mayfair and Billy Taupe are dead, who do you think will be blamed?" Lucy Gray snaps back as she keeps packing a small bag.

"But you didn't! How could they prove otherwise?" Y/n insists, breathing heavily.

"The mayor will surely find a way." Her friend days bitterly, then turn to look at her in the eyes, "listen, I'll be fine. This is the only way."

"How will you go, uh?" Y/n challenges, "alone in the woods."

"I... Coriolanus said he would help." Lucy Gray answers, emotionless.

"Coriolanus?!" Y/n whisper-shouts, "do you trust him?"

"I don't have much of a choice. I told you what happened, he's involved too. That has to do." The brunette sighs deeply, "you all can join me in time. I wish you could come too now, but-"

"It will draw too much attention and we would be too easy to find." Y/n finishes her sentence, "I know... but Snow?"

"I told you, he's involved too... he's the only option. Plus... I don't have anything to keep me here anymore.."

Y/n sighs, giving up, she knows Lucy Gray is still grieving Sejanus. She walks to her friend, stopping her to hug her. Lucy Gray returns the hug immediately, crying on her friend's shoulder. Y/n, then, holds her tighter, stroking her back reassuringly.

"We'll be okay. And we will join you soon." Y/n whispers. "I promise."

--------------

It's been almost a year since Lucy Gray ran away, a year since Y/n saw her friend. She hopes Lucy Gray is fine, moat importantly she hopes her friend is alive. It was hard to explain the situation to the rest of the Covey, especially the youngest one, but she managed.

A good thing about this situation is that it's also been a year since Coriolanus Snow has been seen in district 12. Rumours has it he got back to the Capitol, Y/n wishes, whatever is the truth, that he stays as far away as possible. One of their last interactions scared her so much she hardly left the house in fear of simply seeing him.

Y/n is walking back home with her basket in hand, she sold all the jewellery and cakes she made to earn some money so she was quite content as she enters the house.

"Is anyone home?" Y/n yells as she puts down the basket and takes off her patched-up coat.

"In here." A voice calls from the kitchen and Y/n is quick to walk there, freezing on the spot when the figure of Coriolanus Snow stands in her kitchen. His hair grew in this time apparently, the new haircut makes him look even more dangerous, "Hi, my love."

"Uh..." Y/n doesn't know what to do, having him in the house after all this time feels worse than a robe around her neck, "what... what are you doing here?"

"You don't seem happy." Coriolanus states, confused.

He spent a year thinking about Y/n, working hard and constantly so he could come back to 12 and take her to the Capitol. He's been thinking about her, analysing each of their interactions to the bone. And he realised something: Y/n is yet to realise the love they're destined to share, but Coriolanus is more than willing to help.

"I... I'm confused... why... why are you here? Is Lucy Gray-"

"I don't want to talk about Lucy Gray!" He snaps.

Y/n flinches and takes a step back, he sighs deeply and pass a hand through his hair.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." she apologises, not wanting to anger him more, "you... uh... you let your hair grow..."

That seems to please him, he slightly smiles, pride growing in him.

"Yeah," he walks closer to her, "I wanted to leave the Peacekeeper behind, to welcome the future president of Panem."

"Future president..." she gasps out, slowly retreating backwards, "wow.."

"You're even more beautiful than I remembered." He brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, "I missed you."

"Why are you here?" She asks, pushing his hand away.

"I'm here to take you to the Capitol with me." He simply answers, as a matter of fact.

"What?!" She exclaims, pushing him off and putting distance between them.

"You're coming home with me." He states.

"I am home." She firmly says, noticing the clench in his jaw.

"No." He shakes his head, "no, you're not."

"I'm not coming with you." She insists, "I have people to take care of."

"They will be taken care of, if you come with me." He makes sure to emphasise the 'if'.

Y/n now realises no one else's home.

"If? Coriolanus, listen-"

"No, you listen." He interrupts her once again, "there's no thinking to do here. You're coming with me, period. You come with me and your family will be cared for, if you don't... there would be consequences."

"Is that a threat?" She shakes in fear now.

"It's a promise, my love." He gets closer again, putting a hand on her cheek, "so... what do you say now?"

"You already decided... what's the point of asking, then?" She's tearing up, too scared to move.

"Say you'll come with me." He leans closer, brushing his lips against hers, "say it."

She shakes her head, lips sealed.

But Coriolanus doesn't waste any more time, he kisses her, she backs away but he chases her until her back hits the wall forcing their lips together once again.

He kisses her, but she doesn't kiss him back, the hand on her cheek moves to her neck squeezing, as a warning. She tries to push him off, but he is stronger than her, his other hand moves to her hips pulling her closer and she starts to actually struggle.

"S-stop." She manages to stutter out.

"Give into me, my love." He mutters against her skin, kissing down her neck, "come with me, you'll want for nothing more in your life."

"No..." she weakly says, as she keeps pushing him off.

"Yes." He kisses her again, completely leaning his body against her, caging her.

"Please don't... Please." Her crying only turns him on more, he thrusts his hips against her making her feel his hard-on.

Y/n stops her movement, dread in her veins prevents her from doing anything.

"Sshh, let me take care of you." He whispers into her ear, "let me show you how good I can make you feel."

"Please... no..." her breathing gets heavier and heavier as she looks at him kneeling in front of her, "Don't."

She looks at the door, wanting to flee and leave him behind.

"Don't you dare." Coriolanus orders, looking up at her, "you try to run and I'll make sure your family pays. Am I clear, my love?"

Y/n averts her eyes from the door, to the former peacekeeper kneeling in front of her.

The hunger in his eyes is enough to make her feel like a prey being caught.

He keeps looking at her as he lifts her dress up her legs, and when he pulls her underwear down he finally break the eye contact to take a proper look at his prize.

He licks his lips and gets closer to her core, inhaling her scent.

"Stop... please Coriolanus, stop." She tries again, but her plead falls to deaf ears.

Coriolanus at hearing his name coming from her he dives himself between her legs, licking and sucking all he could, finally enjoy whatever he's been dreaming about all this time... since that reaping ceremony.

Y/n gasps when he attacks her pussy with his mouth like a starved man, she looks around hoping to find something to use as a weapon or a way to escape this. She puts her hand on his head in an attempt to push him off, but it's no use, his hold is way too tight and strong for her to pull away.

"Mmhhh" he humms against her, her taste inebriates him completely.

"Shit.." she groans, her body betraying her, getting closer and closer, "shit."

Hearing this Coriolanus only doubles his efforts, he blindly grabs one of her hands and moves it to rest on his cheek.

"Mmhhh yes." He humms again, licking harder on her clit.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" She tries to hold back, but it's like she has no control over her body anymore as she comes on his mouth. Her legs weakening and falling to the ground, right in front Coriolanus, face to face.

"I love you." He whispers, catching her off guard by kissing her deeply and forcefully.

She puts her hands against him, never stopping her attempts.

"Stop, stop." She mutters.

"This is just a taste of how I'm going to take care of you." He explains breathlessly, "I'm never letting you go, my love."

They stay still for a moment, Y/n too scared to move and Coriolanus is simply enjoying the moment.

He finally got his girl, but he's always being certain of it, after all it's in his family.

Snow lands on top.

[littlestarlightseverywhere]

A Little Help

Pairing: Lucien x Reader

Summary: When Lucien’s lover is overcome with pain from her cycle, only one thing can help

Warnings: None (period pains, maybe??)

Notes: So random and not developed at all, just a small little blurb to help get me out of my writer’s block <3 Taking a brief break from my usual Azriel brainrot to give Lucien some love

The pain was neither kind nor forgiving in the way it permeated her dreamworld before she even had the chance to wake.

It slowly pulled her from her slumber until she found herself no longer under the duvet beside her furnace of a mate, but clutching the cold bathroom tile for an ounce of relief instead. The torment was relentless, spasm after spasm seized her lower belly until she couldn’t help but moan into the toilet.

Her elbows rested on either side of the porcelain bowl, a weak hand propping her head up as she rode out the last wave of torture. In an effort to take her mind to some place far away from the misery, she tried to recall what she had been dreaming about.

She was somewhere pleasantly warm with endless golden light bathing every surface. Lucien was there. Near a lake, perhaps, as the sound of gentle water lapping over itself felt right. Feyre was around too, with Nesta and Azriel– a holiday? She tried harder to recall more details, paint a picture vivid enough to distract her, but the effort was fruitless. There was nothing she could do and the knowledge of it left her so helpless, so irritated. Suddenly, the fact she was crouched at the toilet bowl repulsed her, the light in the washroom was far too bright on her eyes this late in the night, and all she fucking wanted was a damn second to breathe.

“Love?” His deep, sleep-leadened voice pulled her from her thoughts. She slowly opened her eyes to find Lucien standing at the threshold of the washroom, eyebrows furrowed disquietingly.

“Sorry if I woke you,” she meant to sound calm– totally cool, totally collected, like she totally had it all under control. But it was hard to put up a front with Lucien when her body so naturally relaxed in his presence, so it really was unavoidable that her voice instead came out depleted and small.

“Oh baby, do you need the toilet?” He didn’t waste a second in crouching beside her, placing a large hand on her back. When she took a moment to reply, he slowly ran his hand up and down the length of her spine, trying to soothe her in any way he could. He knew he was utterly useless in this situation. Lucien hated seeing his mate in this pain. When she was otherwise injured, at least he could see what was wrong and fix it. Physically mend a cut, salve a burn. He could hardly reach into her and soothe her from the inside, though she knew he would if he could.

He did not even want to think about what he would do if he had to go through this every six months. To be honest, Lucien didn’t think he, nor any male for that matter, could handle it, at least with as much grace as she does. He made sure to tell her this each time she was on her cycle because it always earned a small smile from her when nothing else could.

“Can you please get me a cloth?” Without hesitation, he went into the cabinets for find one for her.

“Do you need help?” Lucien asked, handing her a thick pad.

She quickly shook her head. “I can do it, can you just put my hair up? I feel like I’m going to pass out.”

Lucien quickly took the hair tie around his wrist and gently twisted the hair curtained around her face into a loose bun at the back of her head.

“Better?” He asked, kissing the back of her shoulder. She let her head drop slightly when the cool air kissed the back of her neck, whispering a breathless, barely-there thanks.

“Can you get up?”

She nodded, but she lifted her arms anyway. Lucien took the cue, sliding his arms underneath her to slowly help her up from the ground, heart breaking at her groan. She felt the flood as soon as her legs straightened, along with a fresh cramp tearing through her muscles, and grabbed onto Lucien as hard as she could. He didn’t even flinch, only waited with her until she was ready to move.

“I can carry you if you need me to,” He offered.

“No, I can walk,” he couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth, that even at her most vulnerable she could be so stubborn. He’d be lying to himself if he said her bullishness wasn’t what drew him to her in the first place. “Just, don’t let go of me.”

“I’m not letting go, love.”

Slowly, he helped guide her to the bed, where she collapsed into the covers. He climbed in next to her, pulling her body gently into his. Lucien knew when another wave of pain would come over her with the way her body tensed under him, and he gently squeezed her hip where his hand rested to remind her he was right there.

“How bad is it right now?” He murmured into the top of her head into her hair.

“Lucien I can’t even think of anything else right now,” Her voice was so small, so unlike her. “Every time feels worse than the last.”

He felt an anger that almost wasn’t his ripen in his chest at her anguish, but he quickly subdued it, reminding himself it was not about him at this moment– he would let himself feel it, alone, after she finds some peace.

“I’m sorry,” He cradled her head in his chest, feeling her erratic breathing against his torso as she fought to maintain her composure against the relentless cramping. “You’re doing so good.”

Her hand softly held his wrist as the pain subsided slightly. “Luc, can you do the thing?

She was so exhausted, so out of it, she couldn’t even describe what she needed, but with Lucien, she never needed too. He always knew.

“Of course, love. Get on your back for me.”

She did as he said and guided his hand to her lower belly, right where the cramps would come and go as they pleased.

“Here,” she lightly instructed him, the weight of his heavy hand a welcome pressure. “I’m sorry, you must be so tired too.”

He shifted on his side and propped himself up on one below so he could look at her face as he said to her, “You don’t need to worry about me love.”

She smiled at him, finding comfort in how safe he always made her feel. She did worry about him. All the time. She worried when he went over the wall where the humans were. She worried when he returned to the Spring Court to check on Tamlin. She worried when he went into town, when he worked on their house, and even when he laid asleep beside her. But however much she worried for him, Lucien worried for her an unfathomable amount more. Becoming Lucien’s lover was like becoming a celestial body of the universe, for she’d never known what it felt like to be someone’s world until she became his. Lucien never let her forget it, not in the words he spoke to her or the things he did for her.

Like now, as he gently pulled up her night shirt and laid his large hand over her lower belly, she felt his palm heat up over her, bringing almost immediate relief to the pain. Her hand rested on top of his, absentmindedly running her fingertips over his calloused knuckles. It wasn’t lost on her, the way her cycles were much easier on her, with him. There was only so much that could be done to ease an inescapable pain, but Lucien had still found a way for her.

“Too hot?” He checked in after a few minutes of her silence.

“No,” she mumbled. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

He watched her melt into the covers, the features of pain recede from her face. He’d never been called perfect before he met her. Not with his long red hair, his whirring eye, his scar. The girls wanted a Rhysand or a Cassian, even a Tamlin at some point. Never had he felt perfect, it was never even a word in his vernacular, but things were different now. He’d started to believe he could achieve something close to perfect, if only for his mate who deserved nothing less.

He’d helped so many people, done so much good, with his fire magic. Still, nothing felt as meaningful and important as when he was able to use it to help his mate. Even the times where he’d used his powers to hurt and destroy, she always gave him a way to remember he is not these things at his core. This– using his fire magic to warm the pain he could not physically reach– is who he was. She knew that, and so really, who gives a fuck if no one else did?

“I love you,” he spoke softly, knowing she probably didn’t hear it. From the open window, a breeze sighed into the room, carrying his words into the sky for the stars to hear instead, but they already knew.

Lucien did not sleep until she did. He didn’t mind the lack of sleep at all, though. On nights like these, he took the opportunity to reflect. In the very beginning he struggled to sit with his thoughts, plagued by so many created against his will. Now, it came easier to him with much more to be thankful for, to live for, than before.

Nothing is so difficult anymore, he thought to himself as he watched her finally find peace in her sleep beneath his touch.

[saveyourblood]

Pretty Boy - Ch 6 (Buddie x Reader)

Summary: You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window. The one where you’re an advanced paramedic, Buck and Eddie are firefighters, and you think you might be in love with both of them.

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5

Chapter Summary: The tension between you and Buck brings you and Eddie closer.

Word Count: 3.3k Warnings: none

Things between you and Buck are… weird. Awkward. Uncomfortable. The last time you had a real conversation with him, it was a fight, but it ended with you saying how much you care about him. It’s left you feeling like there’s an open wound on your chest, one that exposes your heart. You feel vulnerable, and you hate it. Your hatred of the feeling triumphs over your desire to be around him, at least for now.

In a weird silver lining, your lack of time with Buck has created room for one of your other coworkers — Eddie. Talking to Eddie when Buck was around always felt strange, like there was something in the air that wasn’t supposed to be. Which is funny, because when it’s the two of them, they’re as thick as thieves. Something about you being in the mix feels like adding oil to water.

You like to think you’ve gotten to know Eddie relatively well in the last few weeks. So when he’s staring off into space while the rest of the team is eating breakfast, you don’t feel awkward asking what he’s thinking about.

“Nothing,” he says, turning his coffee mug absentmindedly. “Just… this new school with Christopher.”

“Don’t think it’s a good fit?” You ask.

“No, it’s perfect,” Eddie replies, turning his attention to you.

You smile softly. “Then what’s the problem?”

“They need to do a family interview.”

“Again, what’s the problem?” you chuckle. “I mean, aren’t the divorce and custody agreement papers enough?”

“They would be… if I had them.”

You frown. “What?”

Eddie sighs as he rubs his forehead. He leans closer so you’re the only one who can hear him. “We’re still married.”

Apparently, you don’t know a goddamn thing about Eddie.

“Oh,” is all you manage to get out.

Eddie chuckles briefly. “Yeah.”

“Wow. Just… from how you talk about her, you made it sound like things were… over over. Like, officially over.”

“ Shannon and I aren’t officially… anything these days.”

“You’re officially husband and wife.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but he smiles as he does it. “Touché.”

“What’re you gonna do?” you ask softly after a moment.

He sets his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands together. “I don’t know.”

You just watch him and can’t shake the helplessness that washes over you. Eddie’s in a tough spot; no matter what you say, you can’t fix it. All you can do is be there.

“Tell me what I can do,” you say.

Eddie looks up at you with a lopsided grin. There aren’t many things you wouldn’t do to keep it on his face.

“I’ve been told I’m a lot of fun when I drink,” you continue. “Well, when I have three drinks I’m fun: that’s when I get dancy. After five drinks, I get sad. You can pick the number.”

Eddie laughs.

9-1-1 dispatch is down, making doing your job almost impossible. LA is a maze; without GPS navigation, you rely on your phone and eyes to do most of the work. It’s a miracle that dispatch existed before computers.

You’re in the passenger’s seat of the rig, and you tell Hen to make a right turn. When you pull up to what’s supposed to be the scene, though, there’s nothing.

“Dispatch, this is RA 118,” you say into the radio. “There’s nothing here.”

“No pregnant woman?” A dispatcher asks.

“There’s no building. It’s an empty lot.”

“Stand by, 118.”

You hang the radio with a huff.

“What’s going on with you?” Hen asks.

You frown and look over at her. “What?”

“You’ve been… off lately,” she explains. “Like, you’ve got this short fuse now.”

“Why shouldn’t I? We can’t even do our fucking jobs because some moron can’t fix a computer!”

Hen raises her eyebrows.

“Okay, point taken.”

“Buck says you two haven’t talked in a while.”

“Well, he’s a firefighter and I’m a paramedic. We can work the same shift and not see each other,” you shrug. “ I don’t know why he’s talking to you about it.”

“I’m not sure, but… it sounded like I’m not the only one worried about you.”

You play with your hands in your lap.

Hen sighs. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you two, but I hope it gets fixed, because you two are miserable without each other.”

“It’s not like that-”

Hen raises a hand to silence you. “I don’t know what you guys are… best friends, work spouses, or dating. Frankly, I don’t care. All I know is that, for better or for worse, you need each other. “

“118, you're gonna need to proceed to San Vicente, east of the Miracle Mile District,” dispatch crackles over the radio. “The nearest cross street is Sixth.”

You pick it up and push the button. “RA 118, copy that.”

“Where the hell have you guys been?”

When you finally arrive at the correct building, you’re faced with a pregnant woman lying on the lobby floor. A small crowd has formed around them, which you push your way through.

“We are fighting a system outage, sir,” Bobby explains, “we apologize for the delay.”

You crouch next to the patient on one side while Hen starts an IV on the other side.

“Hi,” you introduce yourself and don some gloves. “What’s your name?”

“Sonia. I’m 39 weeks pregnant, and 38 years old, which makes me a geriatric pregnancy,” she laughs a little. “God, I hate that word.”

“Word doesn’t matter: you still get a baby out of it,” you smile. “I’m gonna check how progressed you are, okay?”

She nods.

“10 centimeters, 100% effaced,” you observe. “You’re doing great, okay? On this next contraction, you’re gonna push, alright, Sonia?”

She doesn’t respond, so you look up.

Her expression changed. A moment ago, she was nervous but smiling. Now, her face is flattened, and she’s staring ahead at nothing.

“There's something wrong with the baby,” she says quietly.

Your body goes numb.

There are a few things you never want to hear a patient say, and ‘something is wrong’ might be at the top of the list. It’s called ‘impending doom’ — there’s no obvious threat, but it feels like something is about to go terribly wrong. You’ve seen patients die within minutes of saying something doesn’t feel right.

“Your baby is fine, Sonia,” you assure. “You'll-you'll be able to see for yourself in just a minute.”

“No! No, this was a mistake, all of it,” Sonia cries. “Roger was right to panic. Look, we can't do this. I can't... I can't do this. I shouldn't have this child.”

“Hey! Hey, Sonia, look at me,” you say, patting her knee to get her attention.

It takes her a moment, but her eyes eventually meet yours.

“All you have to do is push,” you tell her. “That’s it, okay? Just push.”

She still looks terrified, yet she nods.

On the next contraction, Sonia pushes. You coach her through the contractions, telling her when to push and when to rest. It only takes a few rounds until the baby is fully born.

“He’s here!” you exclaim as you wrap the baby in a towel.

There’s some happy laughter and a round of applause from the crowd as the baby cries.

“Beautiful boy, it’s time you meet your mom,” you say as you move to place the baby on Sonia’s chest.

She’s staring at the ceiling, her expression slack.

“I’ve got the baby,” Eddie interrupts, taking the baby from you so you can work.

“Sonia?” you say, rubbing your knuckles on her sternum. She winces, but barely.

“I can’t get a systolic above 70,” Hen says as she deflates the blood pressure cuff.

“She’s cyanotic,” you say, noting the blue tinge to her lips and fingernails. “She’s in shock.”

“Hemorrhagic?” Hen questions.

“She’s barely bleeding,” you shake your head.

You press your fingers to her neck. You don’t feel a pulse.

“Lost a pulse, starting compressions!” you shout.

Everything starts to move a hell of a lot quicker. Within seconds, the defibrillator is at your side, and as you compress Sonia’s chest, Hen is placing the pads. Eddie has a finger on her neck to ensure your compressions are effective.

When you get Sonia on the gurney, Eddie tags you out as the compressor to give you a break. Your entire body shakes with adrenaline, yet you help pack her into the rig and climb inside.

“She was fine,” Eddie mutters as he compresses. “Birth was going like clockwork, even for a geriatric pregnancy.”

“Sudden despair and fear and anxiety, rapid loss of BP, subsequent cardiovascular collapse…” you think aloud. It dawns on you. “Oh my god.”

“What?”

You’re reaching for your phone, dialing the phone number of the hospital you’re heading to. “It’s an Amniotic Fluid Embolism.”

Eddie looks over to you. His brow is damp with sweat. “She could be in DIC.”

“She needs Mass Transfusion Protocol,” you agree. You raise the phone to your ear. “LA general, this is RA 118 en route, I need to speak to your ER charge nurse.”

When you’re rolling through the ER doors, you’re kneeling over Sonia on the gurney as you do compressions. Doctors and nurses are shouting directions at each other, but all you focus on is your arms moving up and down.

You hop off so they can move her off of the gurney and onto the hospital bed. In the process, you notice that the defibrillator is showing Sonia’s in Ventricular Tachycardia — a shockable rhythm.

“V-Tach,” you say normally at first, then shout. “V-Tach! Everyone clear!”

The ER staff has no idea who you are, but when someone shouts those words, anyone with a medical background knows to listen. Everyone backs away with their hands raised. After hitting the ‘charge’ button, you do a quick survey to ensure no one is touching Sonia. Then, you hit the lightning bolt to deliver a shock.

Sonia’s body jerks at the electricity. The EKG tracing goes from tombstone shapes to a flatline. Then, there’s a beep and a QRS complex. Then another, and another.

“Got a pulse!” a random voice shouts.

You make your way out of the trauma bay and into the hallway, where Eddie’s waiting for you.

“That was… amazing,” Eddie says.

You stand next to him wordlessly. You nod but then let out a sob as you collapse against the wall.

Eddie helps lower you to the floor. He keeps a hand on your shoulder, squeezing tightly.

“God, this is embarrassing,” you remark between a few sobs.

“It isn’t,” Eddie immediately responds. “We’ve all been there.”

“It’s, uh, it’s how my mom died,” you say with a sad laugh. “They didn’t catch it in time. She bled to death internally. I just… I don’t know what I would’ve done if she didn’t pull through.”

“She did,” Eddie says, moving his hand from your shoulder to your knee. “She pulled through because of you.”

You nod again, wiping away some of your tears. “Thank you.”

Eddie nods in return. You notice that his gaze goes from your eyes to your lips and back up to your eyes.

It happens in the smallest of movements, but before you know it, your forehead is pressed against Eddie’s. You can feel his breath on your mouth. You quietly gasp at the sensation, and it makes him sigh.

You press your lips together. “You’re married.”

“She wants a divorce,” Eddie whispers.

You smile sadly. “You’re still married.”

Eddie sighs again, but this time, he moves away from you.

“I’m not saying it can never happen,” you say quietly. “All I’m saying is that I’m not that kind of girl. And you definitely aren’t that kind of guy.”

Eddie nods, his mouth shifting into a few different expressions.

You rise to your feet and offer Eddie a hand. “Let’s get back to work, Edmundo.”

Eddie laughs genuinely at the use of his full name. He takes your hand and uses it to help get himself up, but he continues holding it when he’s standing.

“Back to work,” he agrees and squeezes your hand before letting go.

You’re heading out a scene call, fire in progress with multiple victims suspected. You’re driving the rig while Eddie sets up the back. The 118 is the nearest firehouse, so your unit will be the first on the scene. It comes with a lot of responsibility, but you know you and Eddie are ready for it.

That is, until there’s a massive ‘BOOM’ from behind you.

You immediately pull over and look in your rearview. The engine following behind you is now on fire and lying on its side in the middle of the intersection. You can see a few firefighters lying on the pavement.

“Eddie, grab our bags!” you shout as you unclick your seatbelt.

You fly out of the rig and meet Eddie in the back. Instead of handing you your bag, he sets a hand on your shoulder and pushes you both to the side of the ambulance.

“What the hell?” You ask.

“There’s a bomber,” he says in a low tone.

“What?” you ask again, peering to the side of him.

Sure enough, there’s a kid — no older than twenty — with several pipe bombs strapped to his chest. He’s holding what appears to be the detonator in his hand. Someone is laying at his feet, his leg pinned under the passenger side of the engine.

Buck was sitting in the passenger’s seat.

You try rushing forward again, and Eddie grabs you by the waist this time.

“It’s Buck!” you scream as you struggle against him.

“I know,” Eddie says, his arms wrapped around you as he presses your back to his chest.

“We have to do something!” you cry, still thrashing against Eddie.

“We have to wait for the scene to clear,” Eddie explains. It’s more than a little annoying how calm he sounds. “If you go in now, both of you could die.”

“So what, we just let him die?” You ask, but you’ve stopped fighting.

Eddie doesn’t say anything, but his grip around you loosens. Eventually, you feel his arms drop back to his sides. That’s when you make a run for it.

You make it far enough to catch the bomber’s attention. You raise your hands in the air.

“I’m not who you want,” you explain, “I just want to help him. He has nothing to do with this. He has friends and family… he’s my family. Please, just let me help him.”

The bomber looks from you to Buck, then back at you. “He’s collateral damage.”

“Is that how you see yourself?” Bobby interrupts. He approaches with his hands raised.

The bomber’s attention shifts to Bobby, the person he’s been after this whole time. You use it as a window of opportunity to approach Buck slowly. When you finally reach him, you crouch down by his head.

“Hey, Pretty Boy,” you say softly. You set a hand on his head. “How’re you feeling?”

His left leg is the one that’s pinned, and he’s lying on his stomach. He tries to look up at you. “You shouldn’t be here. It’s not safe.”

“I could say the same thing to you,” you joke. You move your hand to his neck. “Are you in pain?”

“No, just kind of numb,” he says. “That’s not good, right?”

Your heart sinks. “You’re in shock: it’s normal.”

Bobby manages to distract the bomber long enough to subdue him. As the bomber gets rushed off, the rest of your team rushes in.

“Eddie, start two lines, wide open,” you instruct. “Hen, get him in the C-collar.”

You dig in the medi bag for a tourniquet. As you apply it, you try to drown out the sound of Buck crying out in pain.

“How are we doing?” Bobby asks as you stand.

“We’re out of time,” you mumble. “We need to get him out and to the nearest trauma center.”

Any extra body moves to the truck, waiting for the count to lift it. You place yourself in front of Buck, taking both of his hands.

“We’re gonna get you out,” you promise.

He nods slightly.

“Okay, my count,” you say as you move your hands to underneath his arms. “1… 2… 3!”

As everyone begins to push, you start pulling on Buck. He isn’t budging.

“It’s too heavy,” Bobby says.

“We got anything on the truck we can use for leverage?” Eddie suggests.

“No, we need more people,” Chim says, picking up his radio. “Dispatch, this is 118…”

There’s some clattering from across the way. Bystanders are pushing through the barricades to help. This time, you’re able to get him out.

You get him on the backboard, then onto the gurney. The whole time, you’re telling him that he did a good job and that he’ll be okay. As you’re running with him to the ambulance, he mumbles something. Once you’re settled into the rig, you ask him to repeat himself.

“You’re my family, too,” he mutters.

You wait in the waiting room the whole time Buck is in surgery. When he makes it out of recovery and to the ICU room, you don’t leave his side. You’re sure visiting hours are over, but you stay out of the nurse’s way. She doesn’t say anything; she just gives you a sympathetic look every once in a while.

You hear him stir a little bit. You look up from your phone to see Buck blinking awake.

“Welcome back,” you smile.

“You’re here,” he says, voice rough.

“Where else would I be?”

Buck looks around the room, slowly orienting himself. His eyes eventually land on his leg, which is in a cast and suspended in a sling. His eyes widen, and he lets out a few breaths as he tries to sit up.

“Okay, okay,” you set a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him back. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“Is it?” Buck asks. “Did you talk to the doctor? Did he say anything about how the surgery went?”

“Just that you made it through,” you say softly. “And you're now the proud owner of one titanium rod and four beautifully cobalt-chromed screws.”

“Before they wheeled me in, he, uh… he said he didn't know how it was gonna go.”

You take his hand gently. “You’ll walk again, Buck.”

“Yeah, h-he said… he said he was pretty confident about that. He, uh, he just... he didn't know if I would ever… work again.”

You run a hand over your face. “Okay, I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you everything will work out how you want it to. But what I will say is that we should take this moment to be glad that you’re alive.”

“I’m really sorry about our fight,” Buck apologizes.

You laugh. “Buck, that is… so far from being important right now.”

“No, it isn’t,” he insists. “It wasn’t fair, how I reacted. I’m proud of you. I was just… scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Losing you,” he admits quietly.

“Yeah, well, I was pretty scared of that today, so we’re definitely even,” you joke. Your smile softens and you squeeze his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You move your hand to his forehead. You trail it down to his cheek, letting it rest for a moment. You turn your body to face him better. His eyes are closed, which you’re grateful for because if he were looking at you, you wouldn’t have the guts to do what you want to do.

You kiss him. It’s hesitant at first, and when he doesn’t react right away, you start to pull back. Before you can, Buck has his hand on the back of your neck, pulling you in closer. Your hand moves from his cheek down his neck and eventually rests on his chest. You only pull away when your lungs are burning from lack of air.

Buck traces his thumb over your lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

You blush, laugh, and bury your face in the crook of his neck.

 Ch 7

[baylz]

CHAPTER ONE: sneaking out

main masterlist | now playing: See You Later, I'm Gone by Robert Lester Folsom

present time

Sneaking out through the bathroom window wasn’t uncommon. She had done this on more occasions than she can count whenever things just weren’t going so great. Bad dates, her high school reunion, family gatherings, and now she was currently shimmering through a window to avoid her ex boyfriend and best friend.

It was ungraceful, to say the least. Her dress had gotten ripped in the process and y/n silently prayed that she could fix it later. Trudding back to her car, she stopped dead in her tracks to see that it was getting hooked to the back of a tow truck.

oh, fuck.

“Hey!” She sprinted and attempted to get the attention of the large vehicle. The driver came to a stop and rolled down his window, a cigar in his mouth and looked every bit of uninterested in what she had to say.

“Listen pretty lady, your clown car was parked infront of a fire hydrant.”

“Cl-clown car?” She spuddered, completely taken aback. “It’s a Volkswagen Beetle.”

“Yeah, well you can come pick up your beetle tomorrow at the shop.” Y/n cautiously looked around the dark street and back to the trucker. It was the middle of autumn and she had just become aware of the goosebumps forming on her exposed legs. A gust of wind blew passed her and she shivered from the contact.

“Well—” She took another look at her surroundings. There weren’t many people around this part of the city which was a bad sign. Walking home in an empty area like this she would surely get grabbed or followed. Shooting a helpless look at the man she asks, “How am I suppose to get home?”

“You can’t call nobody?” Oh, right.

She embarrassingly pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts. Yamaguchi was a no-go since his car wasn’t working right now and Tsukishima always has his phone on vibrate. Fucking asshole. The only person left was…”Kuroo.” She could feel the life being sucked out of her as her thumb hovered over the call button. The thought of doing the walk of shame back to the party didn’t seem so bad compared to hitching a ride with her pesky boss.

Unfortunately, her prayers were heard because the screen turned black before she even got the chance to call him. She mentally cursed herself.

The trucker grew impatient at this point, putting the vehicle in drive and moving forward. Y/n pleaded with him to at least let her hitch a ride but he stubbornly refused. And then, he was gone.

Y/n was slowly making her way down the sidewalk, ocassionally looking behind her. She wearily watched each car that rolled passed her and made sure to keep a safe distance between her and the street. She continued this for a good minute before she noticed a car slowly trailing behind her. Her pace sped up and the car followed suit. She began to panic now. Y/n didn't know whether to run or act as if she didn't see them. It wasn't until the car began getting closer that she bolted.

The car chased after her. Y/n made beeline for a nearby alleyway, hoping the lose the stalker. She ducked behind a dumpster and waited, heels in each hand, and ready to attack. A car had stopped at that moment and the sound of a car door shutting caused her to be on high alert.

They’re coming.

She listened patiently as the footsteps drew closer. Her grip tightened, hands trembling with fear. 

Tut!

Closer.

Tut!

Closer.

Tut!

NOW!

“Hello, is anyone there—OW!” Y/n stood from her hiding spot and threw her pumps at the perpetrator. He stumbled back, broken glasses falling to the ground. “Fuck, Y/n.” The stranger grumbled in pain.

“Who are you? How do you know my name?” She probed, pointing her other heel at the fallen man. She did her best to be intimidating but the not subtle quiver in her voice betrayed her.

He felt around for his lost frames before staggering to his feet, putting them back to where they belonged and faced her.

He held his hands up in surrender. “It’s me. Keiji.”

"O-oh." Surprised but also relieved, she dropped her shoe and let out a ragged breath. She didn't know how long she had been holding it in. Her legs almost gave out from the adrenaline wearing away, leaving her a shaking mess. Akaashi attempted to reach out and help but Y/n braced herself on the brick wall instead.

Keiji couldn’t do much except collect her scattered shoes from the dirty cement. Akaashi was aware that he had frightened her so he didn’t dare move an inch when he asked, “How about I take you home, hm?”

The car ride was quiet and Y/n stared out the window at the passing buildings. New York was always so much prettier at night. Despite its downsides, the city was just more lively and active once the sun had set. Everyone is constantly on the move and you never feel alone because there was always someone walking right along side you whether they were going to the same destination or not.

Keiji would occassionally glance at the brunette next to him, trying to think of what to say first. I mean, what could he say? How are you? Sorry for scaring you? He didn’t see anything good coming out of those. She wouldn’t even look at him so he wasn’t even sure if she wanted to talk to begin with. Akaashi braced himself, clearing his throat and straightening his back. He didn’t even get a chance to get a word in before you said, “Stop here.”

Akaashi parked infront of a small duplex. “Thanks for the ride and sorry about your glasses.” Y/n unbuckled her seatbelt, not even looking at him once. He searched for what to say as a response, but it was too late because she had already exited the car and was making her way towards the front door. He watched as y/n entered the house and leaned his head back against the seat once she was gone. "dammit."

NEXT CHAPTER

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© BAYLZ 2024 | PLEASE DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, REPOST MY WORKS ONTO OTHER PLATFORMS TO CLAIM AS YOURS

[cobaltperun]

One Last Time

Tara Carpenter x female Reader (Request @ortegalvr)

Part 2 of One Time Too Many

Masterlist

Word count: 1.8k

Crying in your arms was… as ridiculous as it was, the moment she needed. She cried her heart out, lamenting what was lost, what could have been, holding on to you, clinging hard, and you let her. You, against your better judgment, held her just as tightly, held her together because you both knew if you let go for even a moment she would fall apart, crumble, never to be whole again.

“I’m with you, no matter what kind of relationship we have, you can always count on me,” you told her, whispered it into her ear.

Her knees buckled, legs unable to hold her weight, but you held her up, tightened your hold on her and supported her weight. Once again you supported her like you did countless times, and she let it slip through her fingers. How she wished she could kiss you, love you, but she no longer had that right. Even this, being held by you, felt like more than she deserved.

She kept weeping, embarrassed by her emotional outburst, but she couldn’t stop it. As hard as she tried, she only made it worse, damn near triggering her asthma when she tried to hold back the sobs. “Don’t hold it in, Tara, let it all out,” you encouraged her, you hand gently rubbing circles on her back, the way you used to, the way she loved. “It’s okay, I got you.”

Tara let it all out, no longer trying to stop herself as she cried in your arms. At some point you took her to the couch, letting her sit down and lean on you. And when that was done, when she released all of her emotions, when you brought her breakfast and lemonade, when you were absolutely sure she was well enough, you drove her back to her apartment.

She felt empty as she unlocked the doors.

“Tara!” the relief in Sam’s voice as she ran up to her and hugged her, and Tara felt like she didn’t deserve it, Sam’s love, your love. She needed to fix this, to get her life together. “I was so worried,” Sam muttered, her face buried in Tara’s hair, holding on with desperation and helplessness Tara hated.

Sam gave her space to breathe, to take her time and overcome her issues, no matter how much it hurt Sam to do so. And Tara kept hurting her sister, the only family that ever cared about her, as well.

“Sammy? Can we get rid of any alcohol in the apartment? Even the one we use for cooking?” she asked, her voice still a bit hoarse from all the crying, causing Sam to pull back.

Tears of relief filled Sam’s eyes and she once again pulled Tara into a tight hug, one that Tara returned this time. “Of course, of course we can! Okay? No more alcohol for you or cigarettes for me, we’ll both quit it,” and that was the beginning. Tara would get better, for Sam, for you, and for herself. Even if it was too late to fix your relationship, even if she broke your trust one time too many, she could still make an effort to improve her own life, regardless of her relationships.

~X~

It's been over two months since Tara slept in your apartment, since she cried her heart out in your arms. You heard from Sam about the effort Tara was putting in. She didn’t drink one drop of alcohol since that night, and you were proud of Tara, but you felt like you couldn’t go to her, congratulate her properly, tell her just how happy you were for her.

In your mind you couldn’t stay by her side and help her get to this point while you were in a relationship. So, you didn’t have the right to support her now, especially when she didn’t reach out to you after that night.

“Talk to her!” your best friend, Chloe, yelled at you as you worked on the assignment.

“Drop it,” you sighed, sometimes wondering why you even told her anything in the first place. She wouldn’t shut up about you and Tara getting back together.

She scoffed then blew at the strand of her long, wavy, blonde hair that fell over her eye. It fell right back annoying her further. “She’s great for you, dumbass! You were happier than ever!” she exclaimed, absolutely not dropping it, as you politely requested moments earlier. “Someone else will swoop in and win her over.”

You felt a vein popping on your forehead as your shoulders tensed and you turned to glare at her. “Fuck off, Chloe,” you were pissed, not even using Chloe’s nickname this time. You made a mistake though, in your anger and need to avoid an argument you went to grab a glass of water, only to come back and find the blonde menace on your phone.

“There, you have a meeting with Tara in half an hour, she’ll come here, I’m leaving, bye!” she just ran out of your apartment while you stood there, frozen, stuck between anger and panic and murderous intents toward your traitorous former best friend. “You owe me a month worth of food!” she yelled from your front door.

“I owe you a rope around your neck!” you yelled back only to hear a very distant, but undoubtedly loud, from the middle of the building hallway, for every single one of your neighbors to hear, ‘Kinky!’ coming from the bane of your existence.

Well, the damage was already done, so you just sat down on the couch, glass of water long forgotten as you waited for Tara to knock on your doors.

A bit less than half an hour later you heard knocking on your door, and you were absolutely not right in front of it for the past ten minutes, absolutely not! Anyway, you took a deep breath and opened it, and seeing Tara, after all this time, sober, completely sober, looking beautiful, though a bit shy, like she’s been standing in front of your doors for some time as well, it just brought the memories of your relationship right to the forefront of your mind.

“Hey,” you both said at the same time, chuckling lightly as you invited her inside.

“You, you wanted to see me?” she asked as she sat down on your couch, and you sat down on the other end of it. The three feet between you felt like an almost insurmountable distance.

You looked to the side and glared at your phone. “Chloe sent the message. I’m sorry about that,” you admitted and heard Tara’s breath hitch. “I did want to see you, I just, I guess I wasn’t sure how to approach you,” you clarified. “I felt, actually, I feel like I didn’t support you enough, that maybe if I was more patient, you would have stopped drinking sooner,” there, you said it all.

“Y/N,” her voice cracked, and you turned to look at her. “You were more patient than I ever deserved you to be,” Tara told you, causing you to swallow hard.

You shook your head, not entirely believing that to be true. Yes, you couldn’t stand alcohol, but maybe if you tried to approach things in a different way, maybe Tara and you would still be together. Because here was your proof that Tara could quit drinking. “Tara,” you tried, but the words were stuck in your throat as she closed the distance, and you saw her moving to hug you, only to freeze at the very last moment. “Fuck, just come here,” your voice shook, and you pulled her in and the tension disappeared from both of you in almost an instant. Much like she did for months while you were together, Tara sat on your lap, her weight, the heat of her body, her arms around you, everything about her made you calm, at peace.

“I missed this, so, so much,” she whispered as she leaned her forehead on your shoulder, clinging to you hard. “I know I shouldn’t, I know we aren’t together anymore,” she continued, unspoken words hanging in the air as you both, deep down, wondered if there was a way to rebuild the relationship. “Y/N,” she swallowed the lump in her throat and pulled back a bit, so she could look you in the eyes. “I wanted to fix myself, for you, for Sam, for myself, I had to do it alone, to prove to myself I wouldn’t go back to drinking the moment I come across an obstacle,” she told you, and you caressed her cheek, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. She cried every time she saw you lately. When you broke up, two months ago, and now today.

“I still should have been there for you, telling you how proud I am of you, and not just telling it to Sam,” you told her, and she smiled, that beautiful smile that won you over thousands of times.

“She told me, it kept me going when things got hard,” she leaned her forehead against yours. “I can’t ask for it though,” she said.

“For what?” you asked softly, the distance between your lips slowly decreasing.

“For one last chance,” Tara told you and parted her lips when you brushed your thumb against her lower lip.

“Do you still love me?” you just needed to hear her say it.

Tara’s eyes told you everything, that there was no one she’d love the way she loved you. “With all my heart. I want to be with you,” she answered and you lowered your thumb, closed the distance and captured her lips.

The reaction was instantaneous. Every feeling you tried to hold back for almost half a year came back, stronger than ever, as your lips danced together, as Tara pressed her body against yours, removing any distance between you, as her hand snuck up to the back of your head, and her other hand clutched the back of your shirt. You kissed her, desperately, pouring all the need and desire into the kiss, caressing her cheek and holding her. You kept your arm on the small of her back, pulling her closer to you. But as desperate as the kiss was it was soft, filled with love, almost as innocent as your first kiss.

And then you parted for air. The conclusion was clear. You’d try, one last time, to make it work, and you’d try as hard as you would need, because you never wanted to let her go again. You wanted to stay with Tara for the rest of your life. And you saw those feelings mirrored in her eyes.

“I love you,” you told her. “I will always love you.”

“I will always love you too,” Tara said, kissing you once more.

[laukern]

NOT PROOF READ

Sypnosis: satoru, your fiance, ditched you on your date and you get mad. That's it.

Part 2 is up but it's not fulfilling trust.

You never minded the bromantic shit they did honestly. But privileges are not always limitless, even if he were the strongest it didn't give him the right to ditch your date that you planned WEEKS ahead for his 'bff'.

You've been sitting patiently in the new catcafe that opened up just recently, looking at the clock every now and then, fixing your sundress which you specifically picked to match his oceanic eyes. He was late.

You had hopes.. so you waited

2 hours went by. Hah. Must be traffic.

4hours. Okay maybe he's getting yelled at by yaga again... stupid satoru.

6hours and you were done, the sun had already went down and the employees were looking at you weird. On god you heard somebody pity you through whispers

"Aww looks like she got ditched"

Just when you were gathering your things to fucking leave, you heard a ping. As pathetic as it was you wished it was satoru and as mean as it was you wished for him to either be dead or seriously injured to have had ditched your date.

Toru : *sent 6 pics*

Toru : look ml , sugu took me to this super cool carnival thing. The deserts were SO GOOD, coming home btw <3

So.. he forgot.

At moments like this you swore you would've stayed calm but this date was marked on the fucking calender for God's sake, it wasn't some last minute hang out.. it was a fully planned date that you were looking up to since satoru and you had not been able to see eachother because of your busy schedules.

You walked inside your shared apartment, sighing to just... let this disappointment pass and talk to your beloved about it but as soon as you entered the living room your anger went through the roof.

Satoru and suguru, in a very suggestive fucking pose(jk they were about to kill eachother). With what seemed like YOUR makeup spread all across their stupid faces.

Now normally you'll beat their asses and make them clean the whole room but this time you just stared at them, barely being able to handle your overwhelmed nerves.

They looked at you with fright evident on their faces. Shit.. they were done for.

They waited for you to get mad but nothing happened i mean their limbs were still attached so they looked up at your.. trembling figure? Wait what.

You've had enough. Unable to control your anger but also unable to get mad at them, you did the next best possible way to let it out.. you cried.

Panicking satoru stood up and quickly ran to you.

"Baby, w-why are you crying?? I'm sorry, was that kit your favourite? I can buy you a new one, baby please don't cry oh I know-"

"shut up."

....

"What?"

He looked confused and you were loving the look of helplessness on his face. Is that how you looked when you were waiting for him in that cafe?

"Are you guys-" suguru tried to calm the tense air surrounding everyone.

"I said shut.up." You gritted your teeth, hands fisted.

"Babe we're so-"

"don't you get it? I said SHUT UP" You yelled, You didn't mean to but you did.

"Woah woah okay y/n , calm down. Talk to us." suguru tried to comfort you.

But you were never in the mood for peace.

"Talk?? HAH about what?? The fact that MY fiance ditched me ,forgot about our date and went to fucking make out with the guy he sees almost everyday while I have to literally make an appointment to see him TWICE a week." You yelled whatever your brain could comprehend.

Okay maybe you were exaggerating it a bit but they deserved it anyways because that's how you felt.

Your ears rang , eyes glossy and you were trembling so fucking bad. Turning away you stomped to your bed room and shut the door with a long bang.

In the living room, satoru looked just as shocked as suguru disappointed.

"Fuck.."

A/n : I wrote this In a hurry cause the idea was slipping sorry 😬😬 also please be totally honest in the comments if you have to, I just want feedback. English is not my first language and this is my first fic so forgive and complain 🫶

[deprivedreality]

Katsuki Bakugo never expected to feel like this. Helpless.

He stared at the ceiling of their apartment, the steady ticking of the clock on the wall reminding him that time was slipping away. He could feel the weight of his fiancée’s absence next to him, the bed now cold on her side.

She hadn’t been sleeping in their bed for weeks now. She spent most of her time on the couch, curled under blankets that barely seemed to provide warmth against the chill that had taken over their home—and her.

Her diagnosis had come out of nowhere, a cruel twist of fate that Bakugo couldn’t even begin to process. One minute, everything was normal. They were planning their wedding, dreaming of their future together. The next, he was standing in a sterile hospital room, unable to do anything but listen as the doctor explained words he couldn’t even understand.

Cancer. Terminal.

It’s not fair.

He clenched his fists, his palms pressing against his eyes. He could still feel the heat of her hand slipping away from his as she’d been wheeled into surgery. The thought made his chest tighten—he couldn’t even remember the last time she smiled at him like she used to.

The last time they had really talked.

Bakugo’s schedule had only grown more intense after the diagnosis. His hero duties demanded his attention; his commitment to saving people wouldn’t just stop because of his personal life. But it was getting harder and harder to focus on anything else. Every explosion, every mission felt hollow without her.

And she, ever the strong woman he’d fallen in love with, had pushed him away.

He could see how engagement ring he'd given her lay loosely on her ring finger. She played with it as she sat on the couch, her face pale but composed as the lights of the television loomed, her eyes avoiding his. It was like the woman he loved for almost a decade had become a stranger.

Bakugo walked into the room, carrying a bag of groceries. “I brought your favorite,” he said, though the words felt hollow even to him.

She didn’t respond.

He let out a sharp sigh, setting the bag on the counter. “I’m trying, damn it. What more do you want from me?”

Her gaze flickered to him, the flicker of annoyance almost a relief. It had been too long since she’d looked at him with anything other than indifference or anger.

“You think you can fix this?” she sneered, her voice weak but cutting. “You can’t. So stop pretending like you can. I’m dying, Katsuki. I’m not some damsel in distress. You don’t need to save me.”

Her words sliced through him like a blade. He knew she was angry, scared—hell, they both were. But that didn’t make the sting of her words hurt any less.

“I’m not trying to save you!” he snapped, slamming his hand on the counter. “I’m trying to be here for you. I want to be here. I need to be here.”

She turned her face away, a sharp inhale escaping her lips. “But you can’t be. You have your job, don’t you? Your hero work. You always put that first. And I’m just supposed to sit here and wait for you to come back when you’ve got time?”

Bakugo’s heart clenched at the accusation. “It’s not like that, you know it’s not.” He stepped toward her and kneeled in front of her, reaching out for her hand. But she jerked it away, as if his touch burned her.

“You don’t get it,” she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want your pity. I don’t want you to change everything just for me. I don’t deserve that.”

He swallowed hard, his chest tightening with the guilt he hadn’t realized had built up. “You deserve everything, damn it. Don’t say that. You’re not a burden. I’m not going anywhere.”

She looked at him then, and for the first time in weeks, her eyes were soft, but her expression was tired. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

It was the truth she had been hiding from him. She didn’t want to be weak in front of him—didn’t want him to watch her deteriorate day by day.

But Bakugo was stronger than that. His heart broke, but he couldn’t leave her alone in this. He wouldn’t.

"I love you, y/n." His voice was breaking, his eyes started to fill with tears. As his lips trembled, he buried his face down her lap. "I don't want this."

Bakugo spent most of his time on missions, but his mind was never far from her. Every night, he came home to find her in the same position, the same quiet sadness in her eyes. She no longer ate the meals he’d make, and most nights, she simply stared at the wall as if waiting for the end to come faster.

He’d find himself standing in the doorway, unsure of what to do. He wasn’t good with emotions, never had been. But this—this was different. This was beyond him.

One night, after a particularly grueling mission, Bakugo found himself staring at the empty side of the bed again. His body ached from exhaustion, but his heart ached more from the distance between them. He dragged himself out of bed and found her on the couch, her eyes closed in a restless sleep.

He stood there, watching her for a long while, his hand clenching into fists at his sides.

She wasn’t the same. And neither was he.

But he wasn’t going to leave. He wasn’t going to stop trying.

He stepped closer, kneeling beside the couch, his hand gently brushing a strand of hair away from her forehead. She stirred, opening her eyes slightly.

“Katsuki,” she whispered, her voice strained but familiar.

“I’m here,” he muttered, his voice thick with the emotion he hadn’t allowed himself to feel.

She looked at him, her gaze softening just a little. “I don’t want you to watch me die.”

He took a breath, leaning closer to her. “Then don’t. Don’t give up. I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

But the truth was, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep fighting against the ticking clock. She was slipping away from him, and no matter how many explosions he could throw, he couldn’t save her from this.

Bakugo stood by the window in the hospital room, his gaze fixed on the skyline, watching as the last traces of the sun disappeared. He turned his head to see her resting on the bed, the pale light casting long shadows across her face.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He’d fought so hard. But in the end, all he could do was be here. With her. Until the very end.

“I’m still gonna fight for you,” he whispered to the stillness of the room, even though he knew she couldn’t hear him.

Based from 'My Wife Whom I Love Dearly'

Because that’s all I know how to do.

ᓚᘏᗢ @deprivedreality 2023 | all rights reserved.

[opencommunion]

"We decided to come to this farm because we could not find any other place to go to," said Rafat Lukman, whose family of 32 includes newborns and small children. "We came here thinking that we can put up with it for a few days, but this war has taken much longer. I cannot believe that my own children are sleeping in cages where chickens slept. I look at them and my heart breaks for the childhood I am giving them. But what else could I do?" From inside the chicken cages, the children can easily spot the Egyptian-controlled Rafah border with its high walls covered with barbed wires. "My daughter took her teddy bear with her when we evacuated the first time. She'd kept it with her the whole time," Lukman said. "But the other day, it rained and the farm flooded. She was sleeping in the cage and her teddy fell into the rainwater and got lost. She cried so much about it the next day. And again, her mum and I felt so helpless. We can't even get her a new teddy bear." Lukman's children say they have become used to their new reality now and it is difficult to remember that one day they had a house and bedrooms. "We are still lucky that we are not dead and that our parents are alive," Rafat's 12-year-old daughter, Mais, said. "But to be honest, I still feel scared sleeping in the cages. They are very cold and dark at night. I have always hated insects, but they are everywhere here, and I cannot do anything about it." In central Gaza, meanwhile, displaced people have also been living in squalid conditions due to overcrowding in shelters - which include schools, hospitals and mosques - and lack of basic services, including clean water, sanitation and a working sewage system. Abu Ahmed Jaber, a father and grandfather, had been sheltering in a UN-run school and decided to go back to his house that was bombed one afternoon while the family was home having lunch.  "The situation in the schools is horrible. They are overcrowded. No toilets, no food, no water and no privacy whatsoever. So I decided to come back with my family to my bombed house and live in whatever space was left standing," Jaber told MEE. When Israel bombed his house, smoke engulfed the family, blackening the afternoon light. "We thought we were dead," Jaber said. The elderly man and his sons pulled out their pregnant sister and her one-year-old daughter from under the rubble with their bare hands. The family fled to a school for shelter, where his daughter bled for hours before an ambulance was able to make its way to them. Despite their traumatic experience, Jaber, who suffers from heart problems and diabetes, made the decision to return to their destroyed home in Bureij, in central Gaza, because he felt that all other alternatives lacked dignity. "This is my house. How can I let go of it? I literally built it with my hands stone by stone. I look at it 20 times a day and I struggle with the fact that I cannot even rebuild or fix anything," said Jaber, in a voice full of sorrow and anger. "I cry every night. I cannot even sleep anymore. If I fall asleep and wake up for any reason, I cannot fall back asleep. I am living a very primitive life amid the rubble, but I would rather do that than leave my house and evacuate from one place to another like chess pieces. And what for? What have I and my family done?" ... Palestinians in Gaza are living today what their grandparents lived over 70 years ago, and the fear of never being able to return is at the heart of their concern. "If the house is destroyed, the land is still there, and it is mine. I would rather die here than live another Nakba like my family did before me," Jaber said.

17 Feb 24

[makeyoumine69]

Starfall (commission)

— PAIRING: Patrick Bateman x Fem!Reader

— SUMMARY: Ever since he was a kid, Patrick always had everything he wanted. Always egoistical and entitled, he always took everything he had for granted. But what happens when one day his entire world falls apart when he receives a call?

— CONTAINS: Patrick Bateman's POV and no other warnings in order to avoid spoilers!😏

— WORDS: 2.3k

— A/N: Writing Patrick's POV was such a rollercoaster experience for me, so I want to thank a person who asked me to write this commission. Love you guys, I hope you like it!💗

— LINKS: [MASTERLIST] [COMMISSIONS] [AO3] [buy me a coffee]💓

The sudden knock on my office door made me frown in annoyance, as I was in the middle of listening to the new Phil Collins tape. Slowly, I removed my headphones and turned to look at Jean, her expression was something between sorrow and shock. 

"What is it?" I ask, straightening my red tie.

"P-Patrick... I got a call from..."

Jesus, why do women always need to be so slow?

"A call from?" I repeated, crossing my arms in a mannerly way, without missing a chance to check my gold Rolex.

"From the hospital." She blurted out quickly before dropping her head.

I still didn't understand why she looked so sad, so I leaned back in my chair and let out a tired sigh.

"So you interrupted me because some asshole dialed the wrong number?" I pointed at my phone, enjoying the way she got embarrassed. "When I have a break, it means I don't exist to anyone, even you, Jean. How many times have I told you that?"

"It's about (y/n)," something heavy fell in my stomach. "They called to say that she got in a car accident, and they found your office number in her wallet."

Her words hit me harder than a truck, and I could swear I felt my blood freeze in my veins from the creeping fear. Fear of losing you. I stood up before even thinking about it, my hands shaking, but I tried my best to keep my cool. 

"Patrick." Jean muttered as she watched me put on my coat.

"Where is she?" 

"Can I come with you? I want to help."

"WHERE IS SHE?" I didn't even notice my voice getting loud, but when I saw Jean's frightened glance, a shaky breath escaped my lungs and I closed my eyes for a second. "Sorry."

"I... it's okay, I understand." She carefully handed me my scarf, which had accidentally fallen, and I hadn't even noticed. "I wrote down the address."

In addition to my scarf, she gave me a piece of paper with her note, I could barely control myself now that I realized what was happening was real.

"Thank you, Jean." I mumble, buttoning my coat and taking my briefcase. "For everything."

The taxi ride took only 20 minutes, but to me it felt like an eternity, and when I finally saw the outline of the hospital, I let out a nervous breath and got out of the car. I paid the taxi driver double what I had to, but I didn't care.

With every step I took, my heart was about to burst through my rib cage, it was beating so fast that it even hurt, and I felt so helpless and miserable under the weight of circumstances that I found it difficult to even open the main door.

Inside the hospital, time seemed to stop for me. I looked around, trying not to panic, and rushed to the reception desk, almost bumping into a nurse on the way.

The receptionist noticed my anxiety and overtook me, asking in a calm voice, "How can I help you, sir?"

"I... I'm looking for (y/n). I was informed that she's here." I said hesitantly, leaning on the reception desk.

"One moment, please." The middle-aged lady replied, fixed her glasses and picked up the phone to make a call.

To be fair, I tried not to listen to what she was saying, doing my best to distract myself from thinking about the worst, as if the worst hadn't already happened. Fuck, I'm such a mess.

"Sir?" 

I shrugged at the receptionist's voice and cleared my dry throat. "Sorry. What did you say?"

"The patient you asked about. Her condition is stable now, but she's in a coma. And we can't say when she'll—" 

"Can I see her?" I interrupted, my emotions finally taking over.

The lady sighed, but said nothing.

"Please," the grief and despair were eating me from the inside, and I was about to lose myself at any moment. "I need to see her and talk to the doctor!"

"I completely understand your feelings, sir," she held out her hand in a reassuring gesture. "I'll see what I can do. Please wait here."

In a few minutes I was walking down the long, dimly lit corridor, accompanied by several nurses. I had never been more scared in my life, I could feel my heartbeat pounding against my ears as my blood rushed through my veins as if I were about to jump off the top of the Empire State Building.

When one of the nurses stopped near the door to what I assumed was your medical room, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a few seconds. No, I was not prepared for what awaited me behind that door, but was it possible to be prepared at all?

Suffocating, I managed to open the door and walked in, all my insides tightened the moment I saw you lying on the hospital bed, your face looked so peaceful, even with the oxygen mask on, you were like a sleeping beauty.

At first I didn't know what to do, so I just stood by the door for a while, and only then did I dare to approach your small, motionless form. Cautiously, as if afraid to wake you up, I sat down next to your bed and I thought my eyes were already beginning to water.

"Hello, dear." I murmured sadly, slowly running my hand along the edge of the bed. "I... I'm here now, and everything's going to be okay. I promise you."

I felt stupid because I knew you couldn't hear me, but still, my urge to assure you that everything would be fine didn't seem strange to me. I brushed away a single tear that ran down my cheek, which you always loved to stroke, and looked at your face, wishing for a moment that I could remove this mask and press my lips to yours. I damned myself for not doing it more often when you were around. God, why did I always have to be so stubborn and arrogant?

"(Y/n), you've always been so kind to me, and you've never asked for anything in return… and I probably didn't appreciate it as much as I should have." I paused when my trembling hand found yours, and then I stared down at it. Every time I noticed how tiny your palm was compared to mine, it made something inside of me quiver.

Cursing myself, I sobbed pathetically and squeezed your hand. "And you never tried to change me or fix me, you accepted me as I am, but... but you never knew what terrible things I did! Jesus!" I was getting hysterical, but now I could no longer hide my emotions. Hateress cursed through my body, burning me like a glowing iron. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry that I wasn't completely open with you! I just didn't want you to know all the shit I've done in my fucking life!" As I continued to confess, both my arms now wrapped around your fragile frame, I laid my head on your chest, feeling your steady breathing. "Please don't go... I can't do this alone."

The beeping of the medical equipment mixed with my own whimpering, and the whole word seemed to be reduced to this small medical room, where a psycho like me was drowning in the swamp of grief.

"Maybe I'm a sick guy, but I need you more than I ever imagined," I gritted my teeth in disgust. "God damn it! I'm so fucking selfish, even now I only think about myself... I'm so fucking—"

The sound of the door opening made me almost choke. Hesitantly, I fixed my disheveled hair and wiped away my tears before turning around to see a guy who was probably a doctor, and I expected nothing but the worst. When I noticed his relaxed expression, I frowned and almost pleaded:

"Tell me she's going to be okay."

The doctor paused and looked through the papers in his hands. "According to our tests, we expect her condition to get better in a few days."

A small drop of sweat fell from my forehead the moment I heard those words. With a sigh of relief, I quickly got up from the chair and stumbled over to the doctor.

"Thank you," I managed to say, trying to shake his hand, but my body did not seem to listen to me. "If you need anything, let me know. I'll do everything I can."

The doctor nodded. I sat next to you again and mumbled that you were going to be okay. The way I was talking reminded me of the times when you couldn't sleep, and I lulled you by telling you stories where we would run away and finally be alone together. In the end, that would happen, I wouldn't let anything take that away from us, and even if I had to go to hell, I would do it. 

"I'll always be here, love," I murmured, kissing the top of your palm. "Please come back."

One of the reasons I was really proud of my apartment was the view, even if it didn't overlook the park, you loved it and that was all that mattered. 

Trapped in my thoughts, I stood next to the wide window in my living room and watched the night city through the open blinds. I could still feel your sweet scent on my skin, I could still hear the lewd sounds of us making love just a moment ago. Smiling, I closed my eyes and returned to the pleasurable images in my head, even though you were only a few feet away, lying in my big bed, I already missed you, but I would never tell you that.

I didn't know how long I stayed like this, but when I noticed your half-naked figure in the doorway of my bedroom, I gasped because I couldn't resist how beautiful you were, especially when you looked at me like that, with your deer-like, devoted eyes.

"Can't sleep?" You asked me, yawning a little and hugging yourself.

I grinned again, hiding my hands in the pockets of my gray sweatpants. "I'm just trying to understand why do you find this view so special," I crooned in a seductive voice. "But since you're awake, maybe you'll explain it to me?"

You gave me a mischievous grin, and I didn't even have to beckon you over as you slowly approached me, wrapped your elegant arms around my torso, and I purred in response. I didn't really like hugs, but when it came to YOU, it was a different story.

"Well, usually at night you can see some shooting stars," you murmured, still pressed against my chest. "And every time it happens, I make a wish."

For God's sake! Your naivety and innocence always struck a chord in my heart, making me grin like an idiot, though I was glad you couldn't see me right now, as I held you close, stroking your back and breathing in your scent, which had become so tranquilizing to me.

"Oh! Look!" You suddenly exclaimed, moving closer to the window. "A falling star!"

"Where?"

"Right there!" You took my hand and pointed to the spot in the midnight sky.

I laughed, admiring how excited you were, sometimes I thought you would never grow up and that was something cute, I could even say I was really jealous because I never allowed myself to act like that.

"Patrick, we should make a wish!" 

"Like what?"

"Just think of something that you want to come true," you continued to bubble, frowning a bit as you probably were thinking about the list of wishes you might have. "Think, Patrick!"

Your childish attitude made me sigh as I rolled my eyes. "All right, all right. I want this moment to last forever."

"Why did you say that out loud?" You suddenly grumbled and broke out of my embrace. "It won't work if you say your wish out loud, didn't you know that?"

"Honestly, I don't believe in such things," I moved closer to hug you again, but you pushed me away jokingly, your pretty lips pouted. "Oh, honey, c'mon! I can't take this seriously!"

"Then I'll leave you here alone to think about it." You stuck out your tongue teasingly and slowly moved away from me.

"Besides, I already have everything I want," I chuckled smugly, feeling a bit turned on by the way you swayed your hips. "You know what I mean."

"Maybe..." You purred, making your voice sound even more seductive, before disappearing into the darkness behind me.

Only with you did I realize that I had always lived for emotions, that I had done so many terrible things because I was a sucker for the adrenaline. And you were my strongest addiction, but not one that killed, but one that freed me from my fears, my demons, my sins.

Shaking slightly, I let out a loud gasp as I felt a searing pain cut me from the inside like a fan of knives. Then I turned back to the window and saw my own reflection. I blinked several times, feeling the tears weeping in my empty eyes.

"(Y/n)?" When I called your name and no one answered, I almost fell to my knees. 

My wounded heart started to bleed, as once again I was alone. Sobbing, I pressed my head against the cold glass and let the tears flow freely down my cheeks. And there was nothing left for me to do but hold on to the warm memories of those days. 

The days when you were here with me.

P.S. Thank you for reading until the end! I don’t have a taglist. You can follow my side blog @makeyoumineagain and turn on notifications to know when I update!

[kakushino]

Protective

Akaza / Hakuji x GN! Reader

He can't stand seeing you get harassed.

Tags: fluff, modern AU

Word count: 0,6k

Masterlist

AN: Written as Christmas present for dear @mamayan - Merry Christmas!

“Honestly…” you muttered under your breath as you gave Hakuji a bag of frozen bean sprouts. He winced as he pressed the bag against his swollen cheek. “I could have dodged that.”

“That was not the point. How could I stand by while you’re being threatened?” He scowled but quickly smoothed out his expression as the dull ache made itself known again. “That’s not who I am, and you know it.”

You did know that, more than anything.

You had started attending Soryuu School’s self-defense classes with your friend as a way to spend time together while also learning something useful. The course was filled with women, though some of them seemed to come only to ogle at your hot teacher - Hakuji. 

Soon after, your friend got too busy to go with you, but you stayed.

In an unexpected turn of events, you got to talking with Hakuji after classes, and you found him to be a kind man with whom you had a lot in common. A friendship bloomed between you in various warm shades of autumn, matching the season outside as you connected. Numbers were exchanged, you chatted, and gave each other baked goods, and before you knew it, it was nearly Christmas. You had to think hard what to give him for Christmas, so searching for inspiration at a local market seemed like the best idea in the end.

Running into him at the Christmas market was not something you thought would happen. It was lucky though, because a few of the market-goers were causing ruckus and tried to… flirt with you. Hakuji stepped in, and that was the story of how he got his cheek punched right before a police patrol intervened - not before getting in a few of his own hits in. 

“You still could have done something rather than - I don't know - take it?” You turned to retrieve a disinfectant in your first aid kit.

“If there were no officers, I would have broken more than just a few noses, believe me,” he told you through gritted teeth. To be honest, Hakuji himself did not know what caused him to have such strong feelings about this. 

Perhaps - there was something about you that reminded him of his late childhood sweetheart, Koyuki. She had died a few years ago unexpectedly, right before he was going to ask to marry her. 

“You’re lucky I live so close, otherwise you would have to fix yourself alone,” you grumbled as you took one of his hands in yours. His knuckles were a little bloody from punching one of the men. It had not been a fair fight, and of course Hakuji was not going to use his full skill range against helpless civilians, especially not in front of the police. The line between self defense and assault was a thin one. 

The warmth of his palms felt scorching against your colder hands - it was as if he was branding you with himself, the thought making blood rush to your cheeks as you cleaned the torn skin.

Hakuji couldn’t look at you while you worked. You were too close, and he was tempted to-

He did not want to start dating based on that ‘something’ resembling his old love. It would be a relationship doomed to crumble from the start. Yet he couldn’t deny being drawn to you, his student in self-defense class and... friend.

“Of course I’m grateful… Thank you, pipsquea- ow!” 

Excess alcohol dripped down his fingers, Hakuji fought not to clench his fist shut or flinch back. Grimace marred his pretty face even as the liquid evaporated, leaving behind a stinging sensation. Despite all this, he felt at home - safe and comfortable in your hands.

“Hmpf!”

The nickname always made you huffy; it only pointed out how much weaker than him you were. He couldn’t help but like it though. He wanted to protect you and keep you happy.

Oh-

Hakuji understood now. The only way you reminded him of Koyuki was what kind of feelings you evoked in him.

It was Love.

He was in trouble.

Fuck.

dividers made by the amazing @benkeibear

network: @enchantedforest-network

[headcanons-n-shit]

Hello

Your newest post reminded me i had an idea. The bois comforting wol who is having a nervous brakedown from all the stress. Bonus Ardbert.

I really like your stories. Especially the angsty ones.

(TAZ The Breakdown plays in the background)

(Mild shadowbringers spoilers)

Thancred literally (accidentally but still) disassociated so hard from the stress that he gave up his body to the bad guy for a bit. If anyone gets what youre going through, its probably going to be him. Hes not going to waste his time on empty platitudes: hes going to get you a glass of water, a warm blanket, and a hot meal, and let you cry it out on his shoulder for as long as you need to.

(And if that still doesnt help, well. Sex is still on the table. Its rarely a good idea, but hes all out of those.)

Urianger is probably breaking down with you lets be real. Every future my mans has ever read has included world-ending catastrophe, and, sure, youve thwarted it every time (usually with his help) but. What if this time you dont? What if this time you fail???? Its an unreasonable amount of stress for one man to be carrying. He probably does a fantastic amount of fantasy weed to cope and still all it takes is seeing you break down for him to also start blubber-crying.

Graha seems kind of detached and distant at first. "Shower water food" he commands you, in the voice of Lynas grandfather the Crystal Exarch, firm and uncompromising and impossible to disobey, and you might miss the way his voice and smile are strained. The way his hands clench and unclench at his sides. Hes never regretted turning back time to help you save two worlds, but. Its times like this that he wonders if he shouldnt try again to give you a happier ending.

Estinien is a firm hand on your shoulder, a steady shoulder to lean on, because he gets it. The feeling of being trapped in your own body, puppetted by powers so much greater than you can imagine, almost greater than you can comprehend... Youre breaking down for the both of you, honestly, because hes spent so long training the iron discipline to resist nidhoggs influence that he doesnt know how to anymore. This is. Cathartic. For the both of you tbh.

Aymeric wishes in this moment, more than anything, that he could just. Just be with you. Out on your journeys, giving you support by your side instead of from a distance. And he knows, he knows, that the support he gives you is important, that his ability to move nations in your favor has helped far more than any single sword at your side ever would. But he bears the weight of a nation while you bear the weight of a star, and that just. Doesnt seem fair to him.

Haurchefant knows that theres some things that hot chocolate cant fix but. Its a good starting place if nothing else. Something warm and sweet right now couldnt hurt, neither would a soft blanket and a roaring fire. He'll sit with you, bundled up together, and just listen if thats what you need. Or he can talk-- he has plenty of embarrassing stories about Artoirel that he hasnt shared yet. Either way, he'll happily help you wipe your tears away when youre done, and then drop a delicate kiss on your forehead.

Stand tall, he says. A smile better suits a hero.

Sidurgu is surprisingly good at this. Or, maybe not so surprising? Rielle is very mature for her age, but shes still a child. He probably does this whole song and dance every other week. And you feel a little bit like a child, the way he bullies you into the shower and then bundles you up in blankets and pushes food at you, but. Beneath the gruff words and scowl you can tell hes worried. Frustrated. This is exactly the kind of injustice that as a dark knight he swore he would fight, but hes just one man, there isnt much he can do about the desolation of the star. But he also needs you to know that he'll always be in your corner. Whether in this little way or if you need him to help you kill a god, he'll always come when you call.

BONUS

Ardbert has never felt so helpless in his life. He cant touch you, cant be a shoulder you can cry on. He cant even fetch you a glass of water. All he can do is stand there and watch as you break apart in your bed in the Pendants, and its. Its torture, worse than anything any ascian could ever conceive.

Still. He does what he can. And if all he can do is sit at your bedside, his hand hovering half-through yours in a mockery of touch while he tells you stories of his adventures, or friendship and triumph and happier times, well. Its the least he can do.

[sorinethemastermind]

Big Feelings Time (again)

In which Corvus tries to be there for Soren, and confessions are shared. #Sorvus

 Corvus had always known that there were some scars you couldn’t see. And he had also known that being good at hiding them didn’t mean they weren’t there. He hadn’t stumbled blindly forward, not knowing what the future might hold. He had known that Soren was scarred. And yet he was still the most beautiful person he had ever met, inside and out. Scars and all. 

 But knowing all of this hadn’t prepared him for any of it. Because knowing and seeing are two different things. And Corvus hated feeling so helpless.

  “I’m so messed up, Corvus.” Soren had said, once he’d calmed down enough to speak. He’d muttered it into Corvus’ chest, leaning into his embrace. “I feel like… like I’m coming apart. Like I’m in pieces.”

 He’d tried to pull away then, sniffing and wiping at his eyes. “Sorry. That’s stupid. I'll be fine.”

 And Corvus had pulled him back in until he stopped being silly and admitted that he was not fine. And then he’d told him that that was okay, because of course he wasn’t fine. 

 “I don’t want you to see me like this.” Soren had admitted, but Corvus had just shaken his head and held him closer. He’d tried to ask him about Claudia then, assuming that’s what this was. And then was when he found out about Lissa.

 “She- she asked about Claudia.” Soren had said after, leaning his head against Corvus’ shoulder as they sat in the supply room. “And Vi- Dad.”

 Corvus could hear the pain in the word. Didn’t know what it meant that he was using it again, whether it was a good sign or a bad one.

 “And I didn’t know what to say. So I just… I just ran away. I ran away, Corvus.”

 He’d tried to comfort him. “You don’t have to be ready to talk to her yet.”

 “I used to dream about her coming back.” Soren had said, sniffing again. “I used to think it would fix everything. But it’s all too broken now.”

 There wasn’t anything Corvus could do to fix it either, he was slowly realizing. He’d known, of course, on a logical level, that Soren’s family would always be a part of him. But with the goofy grin he always wore, sometimes it was easy to forget. It seemed like everyone else had, at least. So he’d offered to bring in the rest of the supplies, because even if he couldn’t do anything else, he could do that. And he had seen what must have been her there, standing by the crates, offering a kid some food out of one of them. 

 And he’d felt foolish when the irrational surge of resentment had swum up inside him, because why hadn’t she been there for her child when he needed her. Except Corvus knew that was stupid. He was only just beginning to scratch the surface of what Viren had been like, he couldn’t blame her for leaving. What might it have been like for her, if Viren had done this to his own son?

She didn’t know that he knew Soren, only that he was a crownguard like her son, so while she did try to ask after him, it was easy to dodge her questions. And after that they didn’t speak. Now, carrying in the final crate of supplies, Corvus found the door to the pantry ajar. 

 He hurried forward, wondering if somehow she could have found Soren, but it was just Ezran. He looked up as Corvus entered, his big eyes worried. He didn’t sound it, though. He sounded almost cheerful as he turned back and continued saying to Soren;

 “-so that’s why I think you should really stay in the lodge and help Opeli out a bit.”

 “I’m a Crownguard.” Soren was trying to say. “I’m not even supposed to leave your side. I’ve already-” “Soren.” Ezran said, his voice suddenly firm. “Stay inside and help Opeli. Please?”

 “...Okay.” It wasn’t like he could argue.

 “Thank you.” Ezran smiled at him. “And Corvus will stay with you.”

 “I think that’s a wonderful idea, King Ezran.” Corvus said quickly, even as Soren was opening his mouth to object. “Opeli can use all the help she can get.”

 “Yes. She really could.” Ezran dusted off his knees as he rose to his feet again. “I’ll be safe, Soren. Don’t worry. There are more guards here now, and Aanya will be with the next contingent. We’re safe here. Just rest.”

 As he walked out of the room he brushed by Corvus and added, softly; “Make sure he actually rests? He needs it.”

 Corvus nodded seriously, waiting for the door to swing shut behind Ezran before sitting on the ground beside his partner.

 “When I imagined us being together, it was never like this.” Soren said softly, after a moment. 

 “You imagined us being together?”

 “You didn’t?”

 “I did.” Corvus admitted. “Often.”

 Soren smiled, but only for a moment before his brows furrowed again. “I always pictured it sort of… peaceful. Cause you’re so peaceful. But I’m all…” And he waved his hands chaotically in the air before letting them fall back into his lap. “And now you’re just stuck picking up the pieces.”

 “You’re not in pieces.” Corvus told him. “And if you are, then I don’t mind helping you put them back together. Isn’t that what partners do?”

 “But maybe you don’t… maybe you don’t want to be-” Soren looked away, wouldn’t meet his eyes.

 Corvus’ heart thudded in his chest, but he took the other man’s hands in his own, forcing him to look him in the eyes as he said; “I love you, Soren. I love every piece of you. And I will love helping you put them back together, if that’s what you need me to do.”

 “You…” Soren’s eyes widened. 

 “I know it’s… it’s only been a few, well, days, really.” Corvus said, barely able to hear himself over the hammering in his chest. It felt like his heart was trying to burst through his ribs and spill out onto the floor. Not that he wasn’t already exposing it enough right then. Years of carefully built walls came crumbling down as he continued, breathless. “But it hasn’t been just days for me. I didn’t stay at the castle for Ezran. I stayed for you, Soren. Because you needed me. And you are the… the most…”

 “I love you too, Corvus.” Soren’s voice was raspy and choked with emotion. 

 And Corvus felt like his smile was too wide for his face, and Soren was beaming at him, his eyes sparkling with a million unsaid things. But they all somehow found a voice when he said it again, softly;

 “I love you.” And then again louder. “I love you!”

 “Soren, people will hear.” Corvus said, some last semblance of sense waking in him. 

 “I don’t care.” Soren said, leaning forward to kiss him. “Because I love you.”

 “But I didn’t mean to make it about me.” Corvus began. “I just wanted you to know that I’m here-”

 “Oh, shut up and just let me kiss you.” Soren teased. 

 So Corvus did.

[goodolddumbbanana]

A friendly hang out (Molten x Sun platonic crackship)

Sumary: They are friends. Or Molten totally nail Sun as his friend. And Sun right now, still a litle bit awakard. Sun still feels uncomfortable when someone cares about him. He likes Molten and also want to be friendly and befriend with the bear. But old habits die hard and sometimes, Sun still feels uncertain whether Molten will be like everyone else, leaving him or stabbing him in the back.

Daycare was as cheerful and lively as ever. The lively sound of music hit Molten's ears, as the bear animatronic moved inside the door.

The children had all gone home, leaving only Sun to clean up.

'What a mess. Oh my god...' Even from afar, Molten could hear Sun's groans. The sun model sat on the ground, surrounded by scattered barrels. The faint scent of antiseptic wafted to the tip of Molten's nose.

Molten's orange-gray fur was even reflected on the plastic, glistening under the bright lights.

'How much detergent did Sun use? '

Molten tilted his head. His metal body covered in wires clanked, yet Sun had yet to notice him behind. A focus and joy that Molten rarely had the chance to witness, especially when the yellow animatronic was always in a state of anxiety or depression.

“Hmm… Argh!! Molten!!? You scared the crap out of me!!” Sun was startled and almost jumped back. An overly dramatic expression appeared on Sun’s face, and their hands unconsciously folded as if to cover their faces.

“Hello, Sun.” Molten replied cheerfully, waving his claws. “Do you want to hang out?”

“Go out?” Sun straightened up, looking puzzled. They shook their heads at him with helpless expressions, and as if they couldn’t understand what he was saying.

“But why, Molten?! I'm kinda busy right now.. and…”

Sun’s hands waved in the air, as if Molten had turned on some kind of anxiety switch in Sun.

“But you have been so busy lately. I just want you to relax a little bit. Is that not okay, Sun?” Molten lowered his head, his claws poking at each other.

“Y–Yes! Of course it’s okay. It’s just… there are people who are busier than me, like Solar, Moon… Laying around just feels wrong… you know.” Sun stuttered, looking more and more like they were about to scream, or faint. “I just want to get out of my head by doing the things I can do the best.” Sun opposes weakly, even though he seems like he didn’t charge for like a couple days. 

Molten genuinely liked Moon. He liked Solar too. They were good people, and they had both helped him a lot. Moon and the Creator had helped him fix his software, and Solar had given him a new body. 

But it was Sun who had given him a little faith into the future, and it was him who truly asked what he wanted or his purpose was. Because if it weren't for Sun, he would still be trapped in Moon's cage, lost in the curse the Creators had placed on him, with a pain of emptiness that could only be released by catching Ruin.

Because Sun looked like a sinking ship patched up with duct tape but still able to survive countless storms. Because Sun knew what it felt like to put all his effort into a meaningless goal, only to get nothing in return, just like Molten had when he sent Ruin into the abyss.

Because Sun was a good person, and Molten didn't understand what that meant, due to the fact his rotten nature, though repaired, would never be complete.

“Why do you think so lowly of yourself, Sun? Because here, I see everyone admiring and loving you?”

Molten had always been a good observer. 

He had seen Earth’s dependent and loving gaze, as she played with Sun like an overly pampered little sister. He had also seen the starry admiration in Lunar’s eyes, and the carefully hidden truth behind Sun’s brother’s indifferent demeanor. He had also seen how Moon’s innate sharpness softened whenever Sun was mentioned, and how Solar, despite his rudeness at times, had something secretly protective atmosphere toward Sun, like trying not to touch an open wound.

Everyone connected to Sun in a different way, and between them, Molten felt a sense of respect, admiration, trust, protection and love.

Molten liked that. He likes Sun. He likes the warm feeling whenever the two of them hang out, the feeling running through Molten's main circuit was almost like wanting, like possessing. It feels full. And it makes Molten feel less cold than ever.

Still, because of that, there was a stream of thoughts that came from nowhere running through Molten's small head, screaming passive rage every time he saw Sun talking or playing with someone else.

Because Sun is his friend, and he didn't like it when his friend was closer to someone else than him.

Because Sun still feels comfortable with others more than with him, and he can’t ever beat them due to the fact Molten is just Sun's new friend, and there a lot of people know Sun longer than him.

Was this strange? Molten's ears drooped. Was he becoming selfish for thinking like that?

Was he a bad person? Molten didn't want to be bad, he was bad and now he wanted to become better.

He wanted to hang out with Sun, he wanted to do more things that he felt like, he wanted to find something he was good at to help people.

"Ha... I guess so." Sun muttered. Their bright faces huddled together, even their shoulders lowered. Compared to someone who was almost the same height as Molten, at this moment, Sun looked really small.

There were many things Molten didn't know. There were many things Molten didn’t understand. But he did know that his friend was sad right now. And perhaps the thing that had distracted Molten would be of some use to Sun?

“Do you want to watch a movie, Sun?” Molten repeated what Sun had said. The yellow animatronic still looked hesitant, but nodded slowly. Their voices were still as tense and shrill as before, but more or less, their backs had relaxed a lot now.

“Wait until I finish cleaning this up, Molten.”

“I’ll help.” Molten clumsily sitting down, his loose strands accidentally bumping into the barrels that Sun had neatly arranged into vertical columns, now falling to pieces.

Sun stared, the look of Sun almost making his non-existent heart cringe before they sighed.

“It’s okay, Molten. You can use that rag over there to wipe it, okay?”

“Yeah.” Molten nodded. In the silence, accompanied by Sun’s pleasant hum, Molten timidly asked.

“We’re friends, right, Sun?”

And Sun… in a minute of silence. Their mechanical wrists were as regular as the hands of a clock. The sunlight reflected their images, reflected Molten’s fur in Sun’s eyes. There was something vulnerable as Sun replied.

“Haha… yeah, Molten. We are friends.” 

[summerlovingbaby]

bad day

Class was a drag, it was neary finals and everyone was stressed and nervous cramming for exams and dragging themselves through term papers before christmas break. Kurro was finished with classes for the day, and went back to his dorm to find his girlfriend splayed out on his bed.

His roommate was gone for the week and spent most nights at his girlfriends, so Y/N spent the night more often than she didn’t. It was Tuesday, and they both had classes basically all day, with minimal breaks in between, with the way their schedules were made they didn’t spare themselves more than 15 minutes for lunch. Y/N’s last class ended at 4:15 and his class ended at 5, so he gave her his key.

She was lying on her back, arms stiff at her side, as she stared at some fixed point on the popcorn ceiling, not even looking up when the door closed, and Kurro announced his presence with a loud hello. He ditched his bag on his desk and walked to his bed, which was lofted high enough off the ground for him to rest his chin on the mattress without having to bed at an uncomfortable angle. 

“ Bad day?” 

She responded with a low grunt, that he took for a yes. Today she took 4 exams and had a 6,000 word term paper due at midnight, and based on the panic text message he got from her after her 2nd exam she didn’t do as well as she hoped. She studied, but what she studied wasn’t on the test at all. She was exhausted, she couldn’t sleep from the nerves of taking the exam, so spent the night cramming and studying. She skipped breakfast out of fear of being late for her first exam, and there was no time for lunch. By the time of her last class she felt so awful she schelped back to Kuroos dorm  to sulk.

“ Did you eat?”

She shook her head, and grunted with annoyance.

“ Do you want to talk about it?” 

She shook her head.

“ Do you want to be left alone?” he asked quietly, surprised when she shook her head.

“How can I help you, princess?” he asked sweetly.

“ Will you just sit with me?” she asked so softly, it almost made Kuroo shatter. He nodded and put his palms on the comforter, and pushed himself on the bed with hardly any effort, and made himself comfortable sitting by her head.

That apparently wasn’t  close enough because Y/N shifted closer to him, getting as close as she could without being on top of him.

“ Can I lie on you?” he asked, rubbing her lower stomach.

He liked laying on her stomach or chest, he liked being close to her, as close as possible, close enough to feel her heartbeat run through his body. Its something she didn’t let him do alot, she was always horribly insecure about the weight on her stomach, and was always hesitant to let him touch her, but he always made her feel loved. She nodded.

He moved, and placed her cheek on her lower stomach, and wrapped his arms underneath her, his forearms resting underneath her lower back. She let her hands fall into the top of his hair, rubbing at his scalp. Kurro had quite the long day too, while it wasn’t as upsetting it certainly was draining, and he relished in the time he spent with her.

“ Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? It might help,” he offered once more.

“ No, I don’t,” he clucked impatient at her, he hated the helpless feeling that he often felt when it came to her. “ But you being here, it helps, I like to be close to you.”

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@ lucyheartfilias-wife @esposadomd

[ashistired37]

Yes the nap was refreshing. Let's talk about what I think is going on with Erin!

So. Spoilers for 2-2-32!

sorry most of this is based on speculation but that's the fun of this! If you disagree or think there's something I missed I will very gladly read through it! I love theories even if they aren't mine feel free to share yours <3

Okay so I literally wrote a draft of my theory the night before so I'll summarise it.

Basically I think what's going on with Erin- atleast subconsciously is tied to the backstory theory I cooked up.

I think his soul was either very prone to elemental corruption or the elements were just too much for him to control.

I think maybe using one element like we've mostly seen him do was alright but using it for too long would cause problems. So using them would usually lead to him being bedridden or sick in some way.

Because of this he probably felt powerless in a way. Sure he could use all the elements but he can't do anything meaningful with them without injuring himself (or others depending on how out of control his powers were before the magic tats/seals)

I mean obviously he felt helpless when it comes to helping Tess. He was a child what could he say to his father to get through to him? We don't know much about his parents but from what we know his father was definitely a douche. We know Erin and Tess seem to like/respect their mother and she was probably a Soul mage but that's about it

I think the line about holding him back just meant Tess would TRY to stop him from overworking himself which probably came before the seals. Maybe he kept trying to make his magic work despite knowing how much of a toll it takes or even after he got the tattoos he probably wanted to feel useful now that he could actually use his powers safely. He had to.

This is why I think he's a good person to parallel Kendal. They're both trying to justify their existence by doing.

Kendal with saving Vash.

And Erin by solving problems.

Is it fair to him to assume he can do all that? No. This whole thing really reminds me of the first episode of I think justice league?

I know it was a DC animated show- where in the first episode they assign superman to protect the whole world and when people protest saying he doesn't have enough hands for that he reassures them he will take care of it.

Erin's kinda like Superman in this case- oh wow I never thought I'd say that. But you understand why I draw the comparison. They're both insanely powerful and taking on way more than they can in these instances.

Now I know I mostly used 2-2-30 and 31 but I had to use them so we can get to the 32 stuff.

Him saying no one can help him and that it always comes back yo him to carry the weight because nobody can catch him if he falls as hubouris it sounds it's also. Really fucking sad.

I think he probably had a lot of instances where people expected him to fix things because of how much power he has (probably his father or even fellow students of The academy but that's just a guess) so he internalised it.

"But Atlas didn't you say he probably feels like this because he feels the need to justify his existence so he doesn't feel as helpless?" yes. Because I think it's both. Things mixed together to create the awful storm that is Erin mc hubris pants.

On another tragic note he's been one of the core members for so long. Since like chapter 4-5. This guy has fought with atleast Alinua and Kendal for AWHILE now. He knows they can help but the one thing they can't help him get rid of or solve?

The dragon.

He's right. He's absolutely right but that's only if you think about directly helping. By directly getting rid of it. If you think about helping him more indirectly so he can get the help he needs? They've been doing that since they met him!

Obviously he's not thinking completely rationally if he was more level headed he could probably acknowledge this but I NEEDED to mention this.

I might add to this sometime but I am exhausted I'll see you after ANOTHER nap