#and that regardless of whether or not i give birth that i am and have the capacity to be MOTHER

[thebeigelunatics]

this quote by eve best from an article in the standard (2017) is doing a lot for me tbh.

[lionblaze03-2]

sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.

[genderqueerdykes]

the reason intersex people need to be visible and at the forefront of every queer's activism is because we are completely devoid of autonomy when it comes to identifying ourselves. no matter how hard we try to speak up on how we are treated, how we are dehumanized, how we are refused our right to say who we are, it falls through the cracks because of how many people continue to diminish our issues, and espouse intersexist beliefs.

when i speak up about being transfemme, and a trans girl, it's not because i'm trying to step on people's toes or speak about something i don't understand. i speak up about it because this is the life i've lived. it doesn't matter if strangers see me this way or not, this is how i've been my entire life. whether or not someone knows i was technically born AMAB and then had my gender "corrected" shouldn't matter.

trans people do not only come in binary sexes- just like gender, physical sex is also not a binary. i am an intersex trans girl , even if my agab didn't stay AMAB forever. I would be an intersex trans girl regardless of whether or not they assigned me male at birth, because my experience with womanhood and femininity is that they've always been held away from me, way farther than it would ever be possible for me to reach.

i've had to take estrogen & progesterone HRT in the past in order to "correct" my masculine features in order to look like and be a girl "correctly". the subject of my body and my gender has never been something i've been able to control. my whole live i've just been told that i'm a girl wrong, and that i need to "Fix" it.

boyhood or manhood weren't options either, that was held away from me with a 10 foot pole as well. i've had to transition into gender, itself, because i was forbidden to be a boy or a girl. i was always too sensitive or soft to be a real boy. gender as a concept has been a source of control and degredation for me. i had to transition into both manhood and womanhood in order to have control over how i identify. even now when i talk about manhood and being a man, people tell me that i'm not a trans man because of how i look. i'm routinely denied manhood, I "have" to be a trans woman only to some.

due to my intersex condition, i'm a trans man and a trans woman, transfemme and transmasc, but people struggle to accept this. there's no reason for people to give me hell about these parts of myself, and yet people still do. intersex awareness matters because we fight to be seen as the people we are. we struggle to have our identities be addressed correctly. we are in the same fight as trans individuals, and we owe it to intersex trans men, women, and people to help people understand that trans folks come in all different types of bodies, and that biological sex is not a binary, either.

we have to fight for each other's autonomy. for all of us. together we are stronger, louder, and braver.

[intersex-support]

Intersex Support FAQ

1. What is intersex?

Intersex is an umbrella term that describes people who have variations in sex characteristics that fall outside of the sex binary. This includes variations in genitals, internal reproductive organs like testes and ovaries, chromosomes, secondary sex characteristics, and/or the way that your body produces or responds to hormones. Some examples of intersex variations include AIS, CAH, PCOS, Klinefelters, hypospadias, and more. 

The three main factors that define intersex variations are: 

Variation in sex characteristics 

The variation falls outside of the sex binary and is different from what is considered typical “male” or “female” development. These variations in traits might often be stigmatized and discriminated against for being outside of the sex binary.

This variation is either present from birth or develops spontaneously later in life. It is not caused by transitioning or by something temporary like a medication side effect, tumor, or other medical diagnosis. 

(This definition is inspired by InterACT).

2. Does ____ count as intersex? 

There are around 40 different intersex variations that are currently known. InterACT”s intersex variation glossary lists out those intersex variations and gives a brief description of each one.

However, we know that isn’t a complete list. People have intersex variations that haven’t been medically researched yet, or might have a rare variation that the intersex community isn’t aware of yet. 

There are also some variations that might seem on the border between perisex and intersex. Some types of hormonal or reproductive diagnoses might not have a clear answer on whether they’re intersex or not. 

Ultimately,  intersex is a social/political identity rather than a strictly medical one. Increased research and changing social attitudes can cause the definition of intersex to expand over time. Regardless of whether someone has a confirmed intersex variation or an “intersex adjacent” diagnosis, if intersex resources are helpful to you, we hope that you continue to use them and act in solidarity with the intersex community. 

On this blog, we do include PCOS with hyperandrogenism as part of the intersex community. Check out our PCOS tag for more posts about our reasoning, and PCOS specific resources.

3. Am I intersex?

We cannot diagnose you with an intersex variation over the internet. We can share resources such as the intersex variations glossary, share tips for navigating the medical system, and share information on other non-clinical signs of being intersex. 

Some questions to ask yourself that can help you start the process of intersex discovery:

What do my sex traits (genitalia, secondary sex characteristics, hormone levels, etc) look like? Does this seem like it lines up with the “typical” descriptions of those sex traits? 

Do I have any information about my birth? Were there any complications? Did doctors do extra testing at birth? Did doctors take me away from my parents for long periods of time? Did it take me longer to have my sex assigned at birth?

What was puberty like for me? Did I have early or late puberty? Did I have to go on hormones to start puberty? Did I have any variations in puberty, such as unexpected breast growth, irregular periods, or other changes? Did I go through puberty at all?

If you’ve tried to have children, are you infertile or struggling with fertility?

Did I have any unexplained surgeries or medical procedures as a child? Was I ever told I had to have organs removed and was told it was because of a cancer risk? Did I have to be on specific medications or hormones throughout my childhood? Did I have to go see a doctor more frequently? Did I go to an endocrinologist or pediatric urologist as a child? 

Do I have surgery scars or scar tissue? Do I have more frequent UTIs than typical?

Do I have access to my medical records? Is there records of hormone panels, ultrasounds, physical exams, surgeries, or other medical procedures? 

This kind of information can help you start to piece together if you think you might have an intersex variation, or if you think your intersex variation was hidden from you. 

If you’re sending in an ask trying to figure out if your symptoms line up with a specific intersex variation, please share as much information as you’re comfortable with so that we can answer with the most helpful resources. 

4. Can I self diagnose as intersex? 

It’s complicated! Intersex is different from other LGBTQIA identities, in that it’s not only about self determination, but also about our embodied experience in a very specific way. In order to be intersex, you have to have an intersex variation. And there are many intersex variations that can only be confirmed through medical testing, so it’s not something that is easy to self-diagnose.

However, we recognize that the medical system is expensive, discriminatory, and often actively hides information about people’s intersex variations from them. (it wasn’t even until 2006 that the AAP stopped recommending that doctors lie to their patients about intersex status, so many intersex adults were born before that policy change!) Considering all that we know about intersex oppression, curative violence, and medical abuse, it feels incredibly cruel to tell people that they have to force themself through that system in order to seek answers. 

So, we understand that there are ways of finding out that you are intersex without having a specific, confirmed, medical diagnosis. Many of us might find out that we’re intersex because we realize that our genitalia visibly looks different, and we can tell that we are intersex, even if we don’t know our specific diagnosis. Others might find out that we’re intersex because of strange discrepancies in our medical record. We might find out through discovering surgery scars on our body. We might go through puberty and realize that we’re developing in an atypical way to our peers. We might do a lot of research into intersex variations and have a pretty good guess into what variation lines up with our experiences. We might have some test results that help us understand we have intersex traits, even if we don’t know our specific diagnosis.  

Before self diagnosing, we think it’s important to do thorough research into intersex variations, so that you truly understand what intersex means, what intersex variations exist, and understand how that information applies to yourself. It’s also important to be considerate of how we interact in community spaces, and respect other intersex people's boundaries as you engage in a questioning or diagnosis process. 

5.  Are intersex people trans?

Some intersex people are trans, and some aren’t. Most intersex people are still assigned a gender at birth, and many intersex people who are raised as one gender and then later identify as another gender identify with the label trans. Intersex people can be cis or trans just like any other group of people. 

Many intersex people have complicated relationships with gender, and don’t feel like labels like cis or trans really fit their experiences. For this reason, terms like intergender and ipsogender were coined.

6. Are intersex people LGBTQIA?

It’s complicated! The “I” in LGBTQIA stands for intersex. Intersex history is intertwined with other parts of queer history. For example, the very first protest for intersex people in the United States was organized by Hermaphrodites with Attitude and Transexual Menace. There are intersex inclusive versions of community pride flags. Many intersex people view their intersex identity as a queer identity. Intersex oppression overlaps in many ways with homophobia and transphobia. 

However, not all intersex people think that intersex should be included in the LGBTQIA community. Sometimes this is for bigoted reasons, with intersex radfems who use this stance as a way to be transphobic. But there are also intersex people who think that the “I” should only be included in the acronym when intersex people are actually meaningfully being included in queer spaces and resources. Many of us feel frustrated when people put “LGBTQIA” on a resource but then don’t actually have any intersex specific information in those resources. 

In general, this is an ongoing intracommunity discussion where we don’t have a consensus. 

7. Are intersex people disabled? 

It’s complicated! Intersex is an umbrella term for many different experiences, and there is not one universal intersex experience. Some intersex people identify as disabled. Some intersex people do not.

Many intersex variations do cause disabling impacts in our bodies and lives. Some intersex variations are comorbid with other health conditions. Other intersex people become disabled because of violent normalizing interventions we’ve survived, such as forced surgery or other types of medical abuse. 

Intersex people are also impacted by many of the same structures of oppression that harm disabled people. Both intersex people and disabled people are harmed by ableism. Both intersex people and disabled people are harmed by pathologization. Both intersex people and disabled people are harmed by curative violence. 

In the book Cripping Intersex, Celeste Orr explores all these concepts and creates something called “intersex is/and/as/with disability,” which is a model to think about all these different and sometimes conflicting relationships with disability. Some intersex people might identify directly as disabled. Others might sometimes think about the way that intersex is treated as a disability. Other intersex people might think about intersex and disability as a way to have solidarity. All of these relationships with disability are meaningful parts of the intersex community. 

8. What is intersex oppression/intersexism/interphobia/compulsory dyadism? 

Intersex people face a lot of oppression in many ways in society. At the core, intersex oppression relies on the idea that the only acceptable sex traits are sex traits that fit into the sex binary. Intersex oppression relies on mythical ideas of the “ideal male or female” body, where someone's chromosomes perfectly line up with their genitalia and internal reproductive organs, with perfectly normal hormone levels and perfect secondary sex characteristics that don’t have any variation. When people don’t fit into that “perfect” sex binary, they are seen as less valuable, abnormal, and threatening. There is then a societal pressure to eradicate any traits and people that fall outside of the sex binary, which causes a lot of targeted discrimination of intersex people. This form of oppression is called “compulsory dyadism,” and was coined by Celeste Orr. 

Compulsory dyadism is also rooted in, overlaps with, and is the foundation for many other types of oppression. For example, ableism is another form of oppression that creates ways of harming people whose bodies and minds are labeled as less valuable for societally constructed reasons. Check out Talila Lewis’s definition of ableism for more information. Another example is how racialized people are targeted by sex testing policies in sports--both intersex and perisex women of color are consistently targeted by sex testing policies designed to exclude intersex people from sports. Another example is that homophobia and transphobia contribute to why intersex bodies are seen as threats that need to be eradicated--society views existing with intersex sex traits as a slippery slope to growing up as a gay or trans adult. Compulsory dyadism is also at the root of a lot of transphobic rhetoric about how transitioning “ruins” people’s bodies. All these forms of oppression are connected. 

There are a lot of ways that compulsory dyadism causes intersex people to be targeted and discriminated against. A huge issue is nonconsensual surgeries at birth, that attempt to “normalize” ambiguous genitalia, remove intersex people’s gonads, and otherwise alter genitalia or internal structures. These surgeries are often referred to as intersex genital mutilation, or IGM. These surgeries do not have any medical necessity, but doctors lobby to continue to be allowed to perform them anyway. These surgeries can sterilize intersex people, cause lifelong trauma, and also cause many disabling medical complications. Alongside IGM, intersex people also face a lot of different types of medical abuse. 

Besides curative violence and medical abuse, intersex people also face discrimination in our schools, jobs, and public places. We face legal discrimination in changing our names and sex markers. We face discrimination from institutions like CPS, which often target parents, especially people of color, that refuse to put their children through intersex genital mutilation. Many intersex people survive targeted sexual violence. We have a widespread lack of resources, visibility, and representation. Many people still have prejudiced ideas about intersex people and call us slurs. These are just a few examples of the many way that interphobia/intersexism show up in our lives. 

9. What is intersex justice? 

Intersex justice is a framework created by intersex activists through the Intersex Justice Project as a way to fight for intersex liberation. 

“Intersex justice is a decolonizing framework that affirms the labor of intersex people of color fighting for change across social justice movements. By definition, intersex justice affirms bodily integrity and bodily autonomy as the practice of liberation. Intersex justice is intrinsically tied to justice movements that center race, ability, gender identity & expression, migrant status, and access to sexual & reproductive healthcare. Intersex justice articulates a commitment to these movements as central to its intersectional analysis and praxis. Intersex justice acknowledges the trauma caused by medically unnecessary and nonconsensual cosmetic genital surgeries and addresses the culture of shame, silence and stigma surrounding intersex variations that perpetuate further harm.

The marginalization of intersex people is rooted in colonization and white supremacy. Colonization created a taxonomy of human bodies that privileged typical white male and female bodies, prescribing a gender binary that would ultimately harm atypical black and indigenous bodies. As part of a liberation movement, intersex activists challenge not only the medical establishment, which is often the initial site of harm, but also governments, institutions, legal structures, and sociocultural norms that exclude intersex people. Intersex people should be allowed complete and uninhibited access to obtaining identity documents, exercising their birth and adoption rights, receiving unbiased healthcare, and securing education and employment opportunities that are free from harm and harassment.” (Source: Dr. Mel Michelle Lewis through the Intersex Justice Project.)

There are seven principles to intersex justice: 

Informed consent

Reparations

Legal protections

Accountability

Language

Children's rights

Patient-centered healthcare

10. What is intergender? 

Intergender is a gender identity for use by intersex people only. It doesn’t have one specific definition-it is used by intersex people to mean a whole variety of things. It’s used to describe the unique ways our intersex experience intersects with and influences our gender.  Some people use it as a modifying term, such as calling themselves an intergender man or woman, as a way to explain the way being intersex affects their identity. Other people identify solely as intergender, and have that be their whole gender. 

11. What is dyadic/perisex/endosex? 

All are words that mean “not intersex.” Different groups will have different preferences on which one they like to use. 

12. Is hermaphrodite an offensive term? 

Yes. It is an incredibly offensive slur that perisex people should never say. Many intersex people have a very painful history with the slur. Some of us reclaim the term, which can be an important act of healing and celebration for us.

12. Can perisex people follow? 

Feel free, but understand that questions by intersex people are prioritized! Anyone is welcome to follow.

13. I’m writing a character who’s intersex…

Check out this post:  https://trans-axolotl.tumblr.com/post/188153640308/intersex-representation. If you’re writing about intersex people for a paid project, you should pay an intersex person to act as a sensitivity reader before publishing. 

Check out our Resources and Intersex Organizations pages as well!

[icyg4l]

Pick-A-Girl Group: What Purpose Do the Women In Your Life Serve?

Continuing on with my Women’s History Month series, I am going to do a reading on how the women in your life feel about you and the effect of these feelings. I am going to be using the True Heart Tarot Deck and the Archetype Oracle Deck. These readings are supposed to uplift, relate to and inspire women so I hope they serve their purpose. I Without further ado, please pick your pile. 🫶

***Disclaimer: Regardless of your gender identity, the women that are in your life deserve to be celebrated as long as they have pure intentions. Much love. 🩷

Left-to-Right (1-4):

Pile One: If you resonate with the image of FLO, then you deserve the whole fucking world. Pile One, the women in your life absolutely adore you. You probably resonate with the song’s theme: recognizing beauty in yourself when everyone is against you, specifically as a black woman. You have come such a long way. The women that are currently in your life have seen you make mistakes and allowed you to do so. They recognize your evolution. A lot of you have a best friend who you’ve been friends with for a long time and she is so proud of you. She is proud of the person that you have become. This pile has some cheerleaders around them. I feel like the women in your life are meant to take inspiration from what you are going through right now. I think that you may be going through your redemption arc.You’re forgiving yourself for a lot of things that you’ve done in the past. The women in your life see that and are following suit. After all, living life does mean not being a robot. These women who are around you are all ears, very receptive to what it is that you are doing with your life. You’re like their Oprah, lol. If you have a story to tell, share it with her. She may need to hear it. I channeled the show: Beyond Scared Straight; specifically the parts where the prisoners talk to the kids about their life stories and the reasoning for why they should not end up in jail. I feel like you could be someone’s mentor, whether they’re younger or the same age as you, perhaps even older. You are someone’s Reesa Teesa too, lol. I get the feeling that you need to be talking about yourself, Pile One. There is an audience full of women who are willing to hear you out and listen. When I pulled from the oracle deck, I got the following cards: 

God: Benevolence and compassion. Recognizing the eternal force within yourself and others/Despotism and cruelty. Using power to control people 

Mother: Nurturance, patience, unconditional love. Joy in giving birth to life/Smothering or abandoning children. Instilling guilt in children for becoming independent.

Poet: Expresses soul insights in symbolic language/Turns a lyric gift to negative or destructive effect. 

Cards Used: 2 of Swords, 4 of Discs, 9 of Cups, Prince of Wands (RX), King of Discs, Four of Cups, Temperance.

Pile Two: If you resonate with the photo of Destiny’s Child, you got some ride or dies around you for real. I think that you’ve been through hell and back with the women in your life and they do not play about you. I think the women in your life want you to know that you are so worth it. I’m not going to lie Pile Two, it sounds like you’re in a toxic love situation and your girls want you out of it. Your friends, cousin or little sister could have told you that you need to exit stage left multiple times. They absolutely believe you deserve better. Hypothetically speaking, If y’all fell out today and an emergency happened tomorrow, they would be on the way to the hospital. I feel like family is so important to you. They feel like you’ve forgot about them but I don’t think that you have. Circumstances make it difficult for you all to see eye-to-eye. The women in your life want you to know that you are not alone. They will forever be there for you no matter what, even if you have lost your damn mind. These challenging times will make the bond between you and these women stronger. When I pulled from the oracle deck, I got the following cards: 

Artist: Expressing a dimension of life that is beyond the five senses. Inspiring others to see life symbolically / Using talent as an excuse to mistreat others. Posing as the Starving Artist to elicit pity.

God:  Benevolence and compassion. Recognizing the eternal force within yourself and others / Despotism and cruelty. Using power to control people 

Goddess: The feminine expressed through wisdom. Nature, life force, and sensuality / Exploitation of the female nature and form 

Cards Used: Ace of Discs, 9 of Swords, Princess of Cups (RX), Prince of Discs, The Hierophant, Princess of Discs, 4 of Cups (RX), The Devil (RX), 10 of Cups.

Pile Three: If you resonate with the photo of TWICE, you got the grandmother spirit around you. Did you grow up in the church? Or at least with a god-fearing grandmother? I feel like the women in your life hate to see you unhappy and this is what you’re feeling right now. I think that you may be uninspired/unfulfilled with what life is giving you right now. It’s not an uncommon feeling. But smiling can make all the difference. The women in your life want to see you smile, make you smile and laugh. They want to be there for you like how your grandmother was. No one will ever replace Granny but her presence is always there. You may be questioning God/your higher powers because of something that deeply affected you. But the women around you want you to not feel ashamed or want you to feel like they are judging you. They have been in the same predicament. They only want to see you get better. They hate to see you like this. It may be hard to do this but look at the glass half full, rather than half empty. They want you to get back to yourself, the version of you that isn’t defeated. When I pulled from the oracle deck, I got the following cards: 

Child: Nature: Friendships with animals. Communication with nature spirits / Tendency to abuse animals, people and the environment. 

Destroyer: Releasing what is potentially destructive. Preparing for new life / Intoxication with destructive power. Destroying others’ dreams or potential.

Child: Magical: Seeing the potential for sacred beauty in all things. The belief that everything is possible / Pessimism, depression and disbelief in miracles. Believing that energy and action are not required for growth.

Cards Used: The Devil, Princess of Cups, The Star, Judgment, The Moon, Temperance, Seven of Swords.

Pile Four: And lastly, if you resonated with the photo of the Spice Girls, you seem very sensual. Are you a SWer? Do you attend pole dancing classes for fun? Do you know someone who does either of these things? I feel like the women in your life appreciate how physical you are. You’re probably an artist and you're sensitive about your shit too. The women in your life feel as though you have a lot of talents. You’re very multifaceted and they love to brag about it, especially the older women. You could been the cousin who had to show off the latest dance move. So as a result, you became the leader of the pack. You can be naturally nurturing but it can drain you. The women around you feel like you need to put up some boundaries so that you can still worry about you. They respect your quality of being a giver, but do you even respect yours-[GUNSHOT]. There is a woman that you are close to that admires a quality that you hate. She compliments it any chance she can get because she wants to uplift you. I feel like people always try to touch you, whether it’s your hair, your arms, or even your butt. The women around you could immediately shut it down or call them out or defend it. They want to protect your innocence. Even though you are grown, you have that ingenue within you. They know how you can get (especially while under the influence) so they refuse to let you get that way. When I pulled from my oracle deck, I got the following cards: 

Servant: Delight in serving others with a free and loving heart / Using the lack of money as an excuse not to move forward with life 

Bully: Highlights your tendency to intimidate others. Helps you confront the inner fears that bully you / Conceals deep fears behind verbal or physical abuse.

Hedonist: Inspires creative energy to embrace the good things in life. Celebrates the beauty in yourself / Pursues pleasure to the detriment of health. Indulges at the expense of others.

Cards Used: The Star, The Lovers, Judgment, The Emperor, 7 of Cups, 10 of Swords, Ace of Cups, The Moon, 8 of Cups (RX).

[this-is-exorsexism]

I just saw a post about how transmasc and transfem aren't labels you can "opt out of," how if you transition like this then you ARE transmasc and if you transition like that then you ARE transfem, whether you like it or not. Because it's just a "fact" about your transition, not an identity.

And it just made me so sad. I'm transneutral. Sure, my transition might look binary to an outside observer. Yeah, people might look at me now and see me as far more masculine than I was before I transitioned. But that's other people. Not me.

Does this count as exorsexism? I feel like it does but I'm also worried that they're right, and maybe my identity is offensive and maybe I AM lying for not calling myself transmasc. I don't know. I just feel really bad and insecure right now.

this is exorsexism.

through and through.

i'm assuming this post was by a trans person, because cis people tend to be less educated about trans terminology in the first place, and will often just parrot whatever is popular but not think of it any further.

a lot of trans people, even some nonbinary people, seem to be really invested in upholding the gender binary in its various forms. "these are the two options you have, and you cannot be neither" is just gender binary 2.0.

people want to group especially nonbinary people by our AGAB, because a lot of people can't handle the fact that us simply saying "i'm nonbinary" doesn't give them any information about our AGAB, about "where we came from" the way that "trans woman" or "trans man" does. never mind the fact that some intersex people who were (c)afab are trans women and some intersex people who were (c)amab are trans men, but these people usually aren't just exorsexist, they're intersexist too. if the term "trans woman" doesn't necessarily tell you what gender someone was assigned at birth anymore, apparently the term loses all its meaning, since everything hinges on AGAB... somehow. but i digress.

and people have definitely started using transmasculine and transfeminine as "acceptable" shorthands for AGAB language, whether they admit it or not. if you were afab, your only options are cis woman, trans man or transmasculine nonbinary, and if you're transmasculine nonbinary we treat you like a man anyway, and vice versa for amab folk.

bonus points if it all hinges on transition steps, i.e. if you were amab and take oestrogen, you're automatically transfem regardless of how you identify (and if you don't take enough transition steps you're basically cis anyway - their line of thinking, not mine).

because we're definitely dismantling cissexism by still acting as if hormones are inherently masculine or feminine. we're definitely deconstructing the gender binary by just changing the words from male and female to transmasc and transfem. (heavy sarcasm)

so much of it goes back to people really just upholding cissexism and the binary, probably without even realising it. by saying it's about "what we were born as" or about how we transition, people are just using the same violence on nonbinary people as cis people use on all trans people. just because cis people assume you're masculine, trans people somehow think it's what you want and do it as well.

transmasc and transfem nonbinary people obviously exist. it's part of many people's identity. others actually do just use the term as a shorthand to what they're transitioning from, where they're transitioning to, how they're transitioning, certain experiences of transmisia, etc. and that's fine - if you use it like that for yourself and don't force it onto others.

and people also love framing words that have a heavy nonbinary association as somehow offensive, dirty or otherwise bad. people will go so far to avoid saying the word "nonbinary", they hate the word "enby", in fact, they hate when we have any term that is more specific than nonbinary, and they also hate our trans- terms, be it transneutral, transandrogynous or the many others. they really hate when we're actually somewhat equal.

[paintingwhiteceilings]

can you make exo members as your childhood best friend? and with fem reader please! love your writing <3

❃EXO members as your childhood best friend❃

A/N: Hiii thank you so much for this ask! I am so sorry that it has taken me months to finally respond to it :’)  I spent the last few months birthing a 35.000-word, 65-page thesis so I didn’t have any time/energy left to do any creative writing. Regardless, thank you for this cute ask! It was fun reminiscing over my memories with my childhood friend that I have known since I was four months old. Thank you for being so patient with me the very long wait, hopefully, this makes up for it!

Xiumin/Minseok:

✾ Xiumin and you became friends during recess in primary school. He noticed your classmates constantly picked you last whenever you played a game together during recess. Thus, whenever he was chosen to be a team captain, he made sure to pick you first, resulting in you two becoming close friends.

✾ Your mom adores him; heck, she prefers him over you. Xiumin has always been the perfect son; he got perfect grades, is polite, is handsome, cleans up after himself, etc. Whenever you call her, she asks whether you can pass the phone to him so she can ask her favourite child how he is doing.

✾ He is a very consistent friend. Regardless of how busy his schedule is, he makes sure to drop by your place regularly. If he can't visit you in person, he will have a four-hour phone call with you instead, where you two talk about everything and anything happening in your lives.

✾ At some point during your friendship, he had a massive crush on you. He never told you -and you might not have noticed it- but it was incredibly obvious to everyone around you as they watched him follow you with puppy dog eyes. Your mother still holds out hope that you will end up together.

Suho/Junmyeon:

✾ You guys became friends all the way back in pre-school when Suho noticed you were having trouble learning how to tie your shoelaces. Five-year-old Suho wasted no time and offered to help you out, patiently teaching you how to do it. You have stuck together ever since, remaining close throughout your teenage years.

✾ Suho dragged you through secondary school; if it hadn't been for him functioning as your tutor throughout your educational career, you would not have had the grades you ended up graduating with. Nowadays, he mostly gives you advice on work and will look over contract details with you when needed.

✾ He was 1000% your wealthy, rich best friend growing up. His childhood birthday parties were incredibly lavish; he would take all his friends to theme parks when he was younger, his parents paying for every expense. Even nowadays, he never misses a chance to spoil you rotten, taking you on already-paid-for trips whenever he is able to.

✾ You guys have stayed at each other's places so often that you call each other's parents mom and dad. It is not unusual for one of you to have dinner with the other's parents without the other present.  

✾ Compared to the other members, he is less consistent with meetups, not minding it too much when a lot of time passes between phone calls. You can go months without talking to each other before sending the other a random TikTok or stopping by each other's place unannounced.

Baekhyun:

✾ The two of you have a crazy story of how you met. You met Baekyhun shortly after moving into the same street. At the time, you were convinced mermaids were real, so you decided it was perfectly reasonable to dive into the river running next to your house to introduce yourself to them without actually being able to swim. Luckily for you, Baekyhun happened to be playing nearby and jumped in after you without a second thought, rescuing you from drowning. He still holds it over you whenever he needs a favour.  

✾ You have so many weird stories of when you were growing up together. You two would constantly get into trouble, most of it initiated by Baekyhun. It got to the point where your teachers decided to put you in different classes to prevent you two from pulling pranks during class.

✾ Your place is his place, and vice versa. On one occasion, you accidentally switched apartments; Baekyhun had gone over to yours whilst you had visited him. You still complain that he should cover your grocery bills as he tends to eat most of the food in your fridge whenever he is over.

✾ Baekyhun is such a loyal friend; he will always have your back and drop everything to come running when you tell him you need him. Baekyhun has friends he has known for over 20 years; he is a friend for life.

Chen/Jongdae:

✾ Your dad and his dad were best friends, introducing you to one another when you were two years old in the hopes you would become best friends, too. At first, you two were painfully shy, hiding behind your fathers to stare at the other strange kid, but after leaving you two alone for an hour, you two became quick friends.

✾ He acts very much like a brother. Chen can be super annoying, teasing you whenever he gets a chance, but he will drop everything and anything when you call him. He will not let anyone else -not even his members- tease you; it is only okay if he does it.

✾ You two give each other the best advice. You guys regularly call each other to talk about whatever problems and hardships you are going through. 

✾ Chen wasted no time in asking you to be one of the bridesmaids at his wedding. God knows how much you contributed to the two getting together and how much time you spent helping Chen plan the proposal. 

✾ Chen and his wife immediately called you to ask whether you wanted to be the godmother the moment they discovered she was pregnant. He cannot wait for you to have a child of your own so they can become best friends, too.

Chanyeol:

✾ You two met in primary school when you were six, and your teacher decided to have you sit together. Chanyeol got super competitive when he discovered you had gotten a higher grade than him on a spelling test, resulting in a friendly rivalry. To this day, you two get along perfectly well, but the moment that grades or board games are involved, a war will break out.

✾ He 1000% bullied you into playing video games with him. Chanyeol even bought you a gaming laptop, trying to convince you to join him. Regardless of his schedule or location, you have a regular game night where you play random multiplayer games, affectionately yelling at each other.

✾ You developed a tiny crush on Chanyeol when you first saw him after he got his growth spurt. It did not last very long, however; you remembered he was the same Chayeol who once ate a crayon on a dare and puked the contents of his stomach all over your shoes.

✾ Chanyeol is the worst wingman. He is very protective over you, and, according to his opinion, nobody is good enough to date you. Whenever you go out drinking, he will lurk behind you, attempting to intimidate whoever dares to come up to you. This man might be secretly in love with you and absolutely in denial about his feelings.

✾ Chanyeol once wrote a song about your friendship, but he has not yet made up his mind on whether he wants to release it. Part of him feels he should save it for a solo album.

D.O./Kyungsoo:

✾ You met Kyungsoo as he is the son of your mother's best friend. His mother had asked yours to introduce you two as Kyungsoo was a painfully shy child, and she wanted him to have more friends his age. Initially, he was quiet around you, hiding behind his mother whenever she brought him over. However, he slowly came out of his shell the more you played together.  

✾ You two didn’t attend the same schools but remained good friends nonetheless. Whenever school would end, you would rush to meet up underneath a big old tree in the park near your house. You would sit there for hours, talking about your day or doing your homework together, until it got dark.

✾ Kyungsoo never told you, but you were the main reason why he pursued a career in acting and singing. You never failed to hype him up, giving him the confidence to put himself out there. He fondly remembers the countless karaoke nights where you would be his biggest fan, praising his skills when the song would end.

✾ He definitely developed a crush on you somewhere during your teenage years. Kyungsoo never felt the need to act on it, finding your friendship too precious to risk anything. His friends were very aware of it, though, teasing him whenever he would rush out the moment school ended to meet up with you.

Kai/Jongin:

✾ You two met on a playground when you were three years old. Someone had pushed you off the wigwam, and Kai, seeing you cry, stood up for you as much as a three-year-old can stand up for someone else. He refused to leave your side after, playing with you until it was time to go home. You two have been close friends ever since.

✾ He insisted on you taking dance classes with him, thinking it was fun to have something to do together. It became your regular weekly meetup point, enabling you to stay connected even when you went to different schools. You would show up an hour before class would start, just so you could talk without being scolded by the teacher, and would take your sweet time walking home, squeezing out as much time as you could.  

✾ You recognize that Kai is incredibly handsome whenever you see him perform, but all you are able to see when he thrusts his hips is the same kid who once fell into a pond when he was collecting a bunch of rocks because he thought they were pretty and cried over a feather because he felt bad for the bird that lost it. Having so many embarrassing childhood memories of him is why you are still sane and not drooling over him.

✾ Kai bombards you with messages throughout the day; you once had over fifty notifications from him as he sent you every video and photo of a dog or cat he stumbled upon.

Sehun:

✾ You and Sehun met during daycare and initially did not get along whatsoever. You two got into a fight when Sehun stole the stuffed animal you were playing with, resulting in the caretaker putting the both of you in time-out. Weirdly enough, you bonded over your time in toddler jail, becoming inseparable after you were set free.

✾ Sehun and you constantly bicker with one another, having no problem calling the other one out or, as you like to put it, keeping the other person humble. To those who know you well, they liken your dynamic to that of an old married couple. However, people who do not know your friendship tend to assume you hate each other.

✾ Sehun gets insanely jealous when you hang out with his members or other friends of his. You are his friend, and as much as he likes his friends getting along, the bratty part of him hates when you do not have time for him. He will become incredibly whiny when too much time has passed between meetups and when he feels like you are ditching him for your friends.

✾ Sehun is your favourite gossip buddy. He will randomly call you to tell you whatever drama he witnessed or caught wind of. If calling is not an option, he will instead send you a thirty-minute voice note explaining the situation in full detail. Your chat is basically a podcast where you update one another about people you do not know and drama that does not concern you.

Masterlist

[themoonlitquill]

Team Black vs. Team Green.

I recently have gotten a LOT of asks about my position on TB vs. TG due to me making a poll about a fanfic I'm in the process of writing about Aegon II Targaryen and an OC of mine. There have been many that have said something along the lines of 'did you watch the show? look at all the SA he did and how EVIL he is towards Rhaenyra' and 'how can you support decisions of TG when they are the ones usurping' etc., etc., and it's EXTREMELY frustrating to me and here's why.

First of all, it is a FANFIC, a work of FICTION created by FANS, which means that 90% of it is NOT canon (whether it be show, movie, or book) and that means a lot of the ORIGINAL story/plot could be changed, along with the direction of the characters and their development. Which MEANS, that while I understand some of the stipulation behind it, that isn't going to change my mind or sway me away from diving into how utterly fascinating I find Aegon and the Greens to be.

Secondly, I have indeed watched the show, both seasons, more times than I can count. When I say that I am a House of the Dragon nut, I mean it. And when I say that I am a Targaryen, I mean it. I have been completely obsessed with their house and their lore and their history and EVERYTHING to do with them since I first seen Emilia Clarke show up on my screen like the ethereal goddess that she is. I know A LOT (both show AND book canon), which is why I have no qualms when I say that if I were to write about ANY in the fandom, it would be the Greens, regardless of the fact that I am TECHNICALLY for Rhaenyra and the Blacks.

In my opinion, there is a lot that was missed when it came to the Greens and their situation. Where was the turmoil that Alicent went through giving birth to her first son when she was a child, the product of a marriage that she was thrust into by her father? And before any of you stans come at me and say 'she should've told Rhaenyra, that's where the betrayal started' when in reality all the problems started with Viserys and his innate desire for a son that ended up killing Aemma. And ALSO his decision to NOT betroth Rhaenyra and Daemon YEARS BEFORE when he knew damn well that it would've stopped a lot of the issues, but ya'll ain't ready for that yet apparently.

And coming back to Aegon and the whole 'usurpur' angle. Did he or didn't he? When you break it down, it's both a yes and a no. He is the FIRST BORN SON of the King and has a very good claim to the Throne. It isn't like in GoT with Robert's Rebellion and Kingslaying for Baratheons and Lannisters to take it; this is a TARGARYEN PRINCE. Viserys named Rhaenyra his Heir and all the Lords of the Seven Kingdoms swore an oath, BUT Otto (ugh, sorry can't stand him, but Rhys SLAYED his portrayal) was smart enough to know that when it came down to it, if Aegon were to be put on the Throne instead, it would still be accepted to a point DESPITE those oaths because Aegon is male AND is BLOOD RELATED TO THE KING. So really? Why is everyone reaching so hard? This is the entire POINT of the show and the whole ASOIAF universe. There are LAYERS to EVERYTHING, but there are so many that refuse to see the grey areas and instead resort to making it all black and white, which just doesn't make sense to me.

So in conclusion, don't flood my ask and messages with comments about a FANFIC when there is so much to consider when you get down to the nitty gritty of it all. What I choose to create isn't affecting anything and if you think that it does, well, I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you take the time to actually research things before being rude.

[k-tarotz]

i dont know if you would do astrology placements or zodiac signs but in any case i will ask and if not ignore this ask, what zodiac signs placements would bts fs have?

thanks a lot in advance!

this ask is actually very interesting!! i will try to give it a go ,, thank you for sending in the ask

way of doing the reading: I will do the reading based on tarot, not by analysing the birth charts. someone who has passion for astrology could be better at this than me, I do this for fun, not as a certain statement. the question I will ask is, “what astrological placement of (blank)’s future spouse show through the most? “. If someone is really good in astrology feel free to correct me if I say anything that could be incorrect.

Jin - Capricorn! The energy surrounding his FS is very loving, caring kind and supportive. Filled with warmth, but the first colour that comes through when thinking about this person is pastel green so that could be their main aura colour. Which would explain the compassionate, forgiving and healing energy that surrounds them. An extremely selfless person. Since their guides are leading me to focus on how his FS treats others I assume the Capricorn placement lays in their 3rd or 11th house. Mercury, Venus or Mars are also options here. I am not quite sure but my best guess is that they have multiple Capricorn placements and it shows through most in Mercury due to communication and in Mars due to action. [ queen of pentacles ]

Yoongi - Sagittarius! Now, his FS is the kind of person that burdens themselves with the problems of others. Making things harder for themselves, just so they can help others have a brighter future. They do also believe that because of this, sooner or later they will be rewarded in life even if they can’t immediately see this. Meaning, potentially believing in good karma. Their energy is rather sad and burdened, so this is a kind of person that works hard and swallows their problems for a better future, because they believe it’s the best. A person that is very hard on themselves, believes they should endure hardships rather than reach out. They can handle themselves though, they don’t enjoy being pitied. There’s just this potential of being too giving to the point they hurt themselves mentally. So because of this I believe that their placement is either in 11th or 12th house, although the later is more likely. Possibly in Mercury, but not necessarily. [ ten of wands ]

Hobi - Taurus and Capricorn! Now, I would like to point out that the card that fell out for Hoseok is associated with these two zodiac signs, to the best of my knowledge. I do think his future spouse is someone that is very unique, extraordinary if you will. I do not mean they are edgy, quirky or anything of the sort but rather they are unapologetically themselves without the desire for approval from anyone. They don’t copy anyone to be seen different by other people, rather they just allow themselves to be who they are. Due to this they will know exactly how to love him the way he is and in what way to respond to his different moods without making anything heavy or awkward. I truly do think they are soulmates as his future spouse has a very unapologetic way of loving him as well. Meaning they do it with their full heart, not caring about the opinion of other people and just doing what is best for the both of them. They know how to take care of him and they know he got their back as well. They could also be very successful in their field regardless of what their job is, so they are a hard worker who knows what they are doing. My best guess is Taurus in Venus and Capricorn somewhere in 8th house. [ king of pentacles ]

For those who are curious I asked whether he is polygamous or not and the six of cups fell out. I will not be assuming about his romantic life or preferences, however if you wish to you can form your own opinion on it.

Namjoon - Libra! I actually shuffled twice for this due to being unsure, and both times a Libra card fell out so I would say that’s a pretty strong confirmation. Now, his person is a very strong minded, honest and just person who always does their best to be level headed and fair in situations. A good human to the core, is what they aim to be. They have a really strong sense of personal morals and discipline that they make sure to follow even on their hardest days. A very self righteous person who just aims to better this world. Though, they are also very playful and can be emotional if things go differently from what they expected, where Namjoon comes into play and helps ground them. It’s a very interesting dynamic, they lack where the other excels at which just causes them to have more love for one another and want to help each other out in hard times. Also, the attraction between them is strong, Beyonce’s Dejavu is coming through strong as a sign so I thought it’s important to mention. This could be either in their Sun or Mars sign, but that’s just my guess. [ queen of swords]

Jimin - Scorpio! Now, I know that a lot of people think that Scorpio as a sign is a very mean and bad one to have anywhere in your placement but that is certainly not true. A lot of Scorpio people are very tender hearted and just want what is best for people, which his FS’ is not an expectation from. This person has a very good heart but could be misunderstood due to their looks as they could have sharper features or possibly a colder appearance. It’s the kind of scenario where you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, you know? ‘Looks like they could kill you, but is a cinnamon roll.’ No, but seriously. This person is a really gentle person and desires the world to be a better place, possibly could often cry over world events that do not affect them, not because they are sensitive but due to having so much empathy within their heart. Due to this being the person they are to their core I do think this is either their sun sign or 12th house energy. [ death ]

Taehyung - Pisces! Now, I would love to point out that his FS spouse is extremely loving and most important of all mature. They will have a family together for sure and this person is very much aware of to take care of everyone in the way they need it yet they still feel like they aren’t lacking in anything at all, rather even grateful for the things that they have. Also, their loyalty is very much so highlighted and this pure, raw and genuine love they have for Taehyung. I am not saying he would, but even if he were to hurt them they would forgive him without having any kind of hatred in their heart. The best way I can describe them is ‘saint’. The kind of person to not judge, let alone hold a grudge towards their loved ones or anybody else. They were put on this earth because they are made to love wholeheartedly, really. My best guess is their placement being in 7th or 4th house looking at the fact that family and a stable home is very important to them.

Jungkook - Leo! Their person has a very fiery energy, I think the tower at the bottom of the desk proves this as its related to Aries. This person is very calm, collected, rational, intelligent and friendly, but, they are not going to shy away from a fight if they need to be involved in one. Especially if it’s about their loved ones. Of course, they will stand up for themselves too, but if a person they love or adore is being hurt or disrespected the person provoking them better prepare for what’s coming next. They can use both their words and their fist, whatever is necessary tbh. I do not think they look for fights on purpose though, it’s just that they have quite a strong personality and their own way of dealing with things. They don’t mean harm. As previously said, they are quite friendly and laid back. Really playful as well. Could at times playfully bicker with Jungkook, which he would actually like, it could bring out his competitive side a little bit. Aiming to “win”, I do think it’s something he likes about them. This could sit in either their 11th or 10th house although I think 10th is more likely. Possibly their moon as well.

that’s all! remember that this is for fun, don’t take it to heart. after all I do not know any of these people personally,, regardless I do hope it was a fun read!!

– Candy

[krisluxxeeempress]

WHY ARE THEY MAD? PICK- A- CARD

Pile One:

your haters are mad because they are broke, busted and disgusted. Now i am not one to relish in people being down bad financially, i know how it feels however, this energy is coming from people who are mad at you for being in a better financial situation than them. For some, that may not even be the case. You may simply make things look effortless. You can have less and it appears like you have more. This anger may even be coming from haters that have more than you, actually and they are mad you are happy and content with less. You make less look good. You have people who are mad that they are materialistic, boujie, and live their life to impress others. They are superficial and living in debt because of it. We all have debt but their debt could have been avoided. They are mad they live their life trying to look rich and and you don't. Imagine having it all materialistically and still being miserable and mad!? On the flip side, you may very well be well off and living your best life and that's why they are mad. You are minding your business, happy, flourishing and making s&^% happen for yourself and they are mad. They fail to realize they can make s&^% happen for themselves if they would 1. get out this negative, hating and low vibrational energy 2. stop watching you & projecting 3. Nike vibes, just go out and do it- Instead, they rather be mad while your creating and working for reasons to be glad. I see that you have haters who are mad you are educated! This could be due to college or being self taught regardless, knowledge is power and you have haters who are mad you have power. Again, this is something they can work towards themselves but no. Some of you may be highly skilled and informed in a subject or multiple. You may have a lot of Gemini, libra, or Aquarius placements or houses in your natal or progressive birth charts. You may also have a lot of Taurus, Virgo and or Capricorn. The earth elements in your chart contribute towards the hard work you put in that they acknowledge and are mad about. Intuitively, it just seems like they are mad you have knowledge or skill or BOTH that can make you a lot of money- if you are not financially well of as of yet. They are mad at your potential, basically. They are mad that you have endurance and perseverance against all odds, basically. They are mad you invest a lot of time in studies to improve your craft or area of expertise and they do not, more than likely because they are overly concerned with what you and others are doing expect themselves. They have an addiction to FOMO and you are sober haha. Lastly, they are mad you are LIT. You have a nice personality, you are creative, physically active, attractive, funny, multi talented, versatile, down to earth, intelligent and ultimately everything they are NOT and NEVER will be.

Pile Two :

This pile feels like you have Ex's, Baby mama's or daddies who didn't make the cut. It looks like you have moved on into a new relationship that may be publicized, and these ex's see that you are treating this new person better than you ever treated them. You have ex's that are mad because you are giving everything to a new person that they themselves used to beg, plead and cry to receive from you. You have ex's who are mad they you never officially committed to them whether that be engagement, marriage or fully giving your heart to them- meanwhile this new person is getting all the above. I see you may be planning or going on vacation with this new person and the ex's are mad. Some of you may even have started a new family with this new person and the ex's are mad! They are mad because you never had children with them or you did, and now you have a new family and the focus is no longer on them. Their manipulative tactics are being exposed at this time and that's why they are mad as well. Your ex's are mad that you can afford designer or simply you have disposable income whereas, before you may have been struggling financially- but it's not like that anymore for you and they are mad. Basically, you are doing better without them and that is why they are mad. It hurts them real bad because it's also exposing that they were the problem and responsible for blocking your blessings. With this clarity in mind, they are mad there's no way in hell that you would ever spin the block and return to them. At this point, they are real sad because you see past the mad. You see they are real sad and going out real bad without you! For my ladies, if you did have a baby with this ex, they are mad you snapped back after the baby! I find it interesting they would be mad about that which is again another thing being exposed. They had children with you for the wrong reason, it was a trap and they are mad the trap baby didn't trap you. They are really mad someone else is eager to commit to you, baby and all. ( what a POS) I also see that they are mad you didn't have to f**% your way to the top meanwhile, they are a pass around. They are for the streets and you earned your lifestyle with integrity and hard work. Your ex's really wanted you to be struggling so bad, it's baffling. They are mad your work speaks for itself and any attempts they make to devalue you, fails, miserably. Looks like you have ex's mad that they couldn't ruin your life another day, month, or year more. You have met someone new at work and this explains further why they are mad you didn't f*&^% your way to the top. This new person at your job may hold a high position and authority however, you still worked hard and didn't use your relationship as a means to get ahead. The job energy feels like Virgo, could be dealing with a Virgo or they have those placements. This can even indicate someone you met at the gym, store, or someplace you frequent often. This new person is financially stable and in a position of authority and they want to provide for you, and if you have children, your children as well. This has your ex's mad. If you have no children, this new person wants them and you guessed it- this makes your ex, or their ex LIVID.

Pile Three:

You have a specific person here that is mad that you are the one the got away, first and foremost. I am showing that this person had you in a breadcrumbing situation where you were their convenient text buddy, cuddle buddy and f&^% buddy. I see they never made time for you unless it was on their time and for their selfish needs and desires. ( WOW!, the audacity) The fact they are the mad you are the one that got away confirms that you have successfully detached and cut them and this TRIFLIN situation away. They may be making attempts to get back into your energy to either continue their TRIFLIN and selfish behavior and or to RIGHT THEIR WRONGS, however, i do not see this as being successful. You are not making time for them to right their wrongs or to continue their diabolical behavior. it's a lose lose for them, and that's why they are mad. Now, if they have not made any visible attempts, they are mad because they are trying to plan how to come back and they see no way to do so. ( I AM PROUD OF YOU) It's clear to me and them that you have a strong protective shield around your energy and ultimately your life.

Now, you have OTHERS MAD because they cannot use you as a convivence. They are mad you learned a harsh lesson with the last person or history of persons and you are no longer boo boo the fool. You have people mad that you have high standards especially in comparison to before and what you allowed and tolerated. ( NO DISREPECT) the last situation was the straw that broke the camels back and now your healing. The pain you feel is being used a motivation and fuel to NEVER allow someone to play you again. I feel like Pile two may resonate with you. If so, it's like the moment you release breadcrumbs you are offered a feast. You are in a era of having your way, MIGOS vibes- go play that song. Everybody is mad that you are no longer making yourself small for others or accepting small s&^% in all aspects, ha- ladies if you know what I mean. Some of you were getting played by small d*%$ men, WOW . . . Fellas, some of you were getting played by stank p#%*^ women ( EWW) Everyone is mad you refuse to chase them, past , present and future. You have the same sex mad because they thought they were important until you showed up. They thought they were somebody until you showed up. They are mad that their relationships are under threat WHEN YOU SHOW UP. If you resonate with this pile, it's like you went from being a doormat and RAT accepting breadcrumbs now now a BOSS, doing the hiring and firing- ON PERIOD.

Lastly, you have everybody mad that you will not change for them. Let's speak about change, TUHH WHERE IS MY MONEY?! is your new vibe that will not be changing until further notice. GLOW UP.

THANK YOU FOR READING, IF YOU RESONATE WITH ANY OF THE PILES PLEASE CONSIDER HITTING THE REBLOG BUTTON. IT WILL HELP MY BLOG GROW AND BRING CLARITY TO OTHERS WHO MAY NEED IT.

I ALSO READ TAROT & PREDICTIVE ASTROLOGY ON YOUTUBE, TIKTOK AND PATREON. I WOULD LOVE IT GREATLY IF YOU COULD CHECK ME OUT AND SUPPORT ME IN ANY WAY YOU CAN.

LINKS ARE BELOW. . .

[majokkid]

It’s my birthday! To celebrate my 32nd solar return, I thought I’d share a little bit about myself!

Regardless if you keep reading, I wanted to thank everyone who has supported this blog so far by liking and sharing my posts! Y’all have helped make my return to Tumblr truly special and I hope I can continue to share content that inspires others to embrace a softer side of magical work. ☆

I’m Lachan (they/them), a visual artist, ritualist, and real-life non-binary magical girl! After being a city kid for a little over a decade, I’m now living in the country with my partner, our two cats, and some fish! We have a lot of work to do on our old house but she’s already come leaps and bounds since we moved in last summer.

Among my various interests, I enjoy shōjo manga and other cutesy/kitschy things and certainly take inspiration from mahō shōjo works in my personal magia. While I use ‘kid’ freely to describe myself, I am not an age regressor; I have no delusions regarding my age and I fully, wholeheartedly accept my adulthood but at the same time I have an ageless view of myself. Whether this is a product of memories of a life before birth or approaching life with a ‘beginner’s mind’ (or something else entirely), I find it prudent to mention as to not give anyone the wrong impression.

Unlike a lot of practitioners I have recently met in the magical hero community, I’m not a fictionkin or a reality shifter. I have characters that I definitely relate to and I have had life experiences that bear striking resemblance to their stories but as the Dimension Witch from xxxHOLiC says, “There is no such thing as coincidence. There is only hituzen.” I cannot confirm or deny the possibility that there are other realities—the only thing I do know is my own experience.

[cal-a-bungaa]

The Realm

The Realm Part 7 - Prince!Jake Kiszka

Synopsis: In the heat of danger, love will always conquer

Word count: 4.5k

Warnings: Mentions of death and war, sexual acts and language, descriptions of child birth, swearing and violence. Fluff.

Enjoy (please don't throw things at me) and thank you to the amazing @capturethechaos for reading it over and to @writingcold for your wonderful commentary and help planning this series!!

__________

Jake POV

Jake had stepped foot in this room only once before, the night he agreed to become a married man. It was different from Josh’s- his war room. The walls here were decorated in different weapons that had been favored by the late king, no intricately stitched curtains hanging from the windows. It was bleak, cold and the sense of dread flooded his senses for what’s to come. He could tell how uncomfortable she was being in here; the way she stiffened after seeing the collected layer of dust across the table, dragging the tips of her fingers through it. Whether she liked it or not, she’d best get used to it- they’ll both be in here quite a lot until the enemy is defeated. 

The sunsets rose hues beamed through the arched windows, dusting over her soft skin. Even as Jake stares at her in awe, he cannot help but think of the knife that dangles above her head in the shape of a crown. He even thinks of his brother- how Josh loved the color pink, always opting to sniff the coral tinted roses in his private garden. He’d always sneak them into Jake’s chambers though he was adamant of his distaste towards the sweet scented flowers. Now Jake looks back and wishes that he could rewind and have those damn flowers on his nightstand to fall asleep next to. Or even some to give to the woman before him. The rose bushes his brother hid from the groundskeeper have probably all wilted away by now, no longer having the proper care that they need. 

She was silent by the window, taking in the rolling hills and tall mountains in the distance. The sky's color enhanced the lighter streaks in her hair and the color of her lips. He needed to keep her safe like he wished to with Josh, but now he is sure he will even if it costs him his own life. He would rather a sword pierce his heart than have it shatter all over again. Jake would rather cough up his own blood than to have his hands covered in others that he loves. He leans his hip into the hardwood, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You’re scared.” Jake says, taking in her figure. Her stiff shoulders, and the way her teeth chew into her bottom lip are dead giveaways of her fear. 

He sees the way she immediately tries to fix her posture. “I am not.” Jake rolls his eyes. 

Jake doesn’t say anything else, opting to approach her from behind. He sees her reflection in the glass, eyes so unsure of what’s to come and what will happen to either of them. It’s clear to him that she doesn’t want him to die, but she’s not ready to die herself. His fingertips run down the expanse of her arm, sending shivers down her spine at the contact. 

“I am a feather disguised as steel…” Jake furrows his brows, confused on why she switched so suddenly. The queen before him has curled back in on herself to be the quiet princess she once was. 

Jake takes hold of her wrist, spinning her towards him. She refuses to meet his eyes, succumbing to the thought that she is weak. He reaches out to slowly lift her chin. “You are steel, not even I can break through,” She shakes her head in disagreement, “Don’t do that. Do not doubt yourself. You are strong if you will yourself to be.”

She shakes his grip off, fuming at his words. “I am sick to death of hearing how strong I am.” The queen before him was fuming and he did not know how to calm her. He believed her to be strong regardless of what he had said in their heated moments. She was nothing close to being a feather. 

If she wished to be a feather then so be it- Jake would take it upon himself to be the steel, but she can be her own if she only believed it so. He couldn’t do anything besides nod and remain silent, not wanting to push the topic. She turns back towards the window, promptly ignoring his remaining presence. The rose sky had darked to a purple, letting the stars shine through and the only light to illuminate the room being the flickering flames of melting candles. He wanted to assure her that she had that strength and bravery hidden within herself, she showed that side to him hours ago. Circling him with his own sword was strength in itself, it was a wonder to him how she could believe such a thing. Jake had placed both palms on the smooth wooden surface of the war table, letting his eyes fall over the map laid out. In the east corner of the map, a strange marking presented itself. Looking closer at it, the name of the landmark had been scratched out with ink. Possibly a fallen kingdom, abandoned fort or village, Jake is not sure. The map that Josh had laid out for the attack on Weria showed no such thing. 

A knock rang through the ever so silent room, her council seconds later piling into the dreary room. It felt as if he was reliving the past. Except for the fact that his brother was not beside him and won’t be again. She’d stepped forward, taking her spot next to Jake. All eyes rested upon her with questions, doubt, and impatience. It angered the king by just their stares, if anyone dared speak a belittling word towards her, they’d be dead on the cold floor instantly. 

She took another step forward, placing her palms on the table as well. “As you all have heard, there is a threat out there that wishes death upon the king and I,” She speaks unwavering. Her pinky stretches out, ever so lightly brushing against his own. “We must put an end to this newfound enemy before more damage to the realm can be done.” 

Jake takes it upon himself to shift his hand closer to hers, pinkies now linked together for everyone to see. He coughs before speaking up, “I will be on the frontlines as that is what I know, I will fight to keep us safe.” he glances over to his queen, seeing a twitch in the corner of her mouth. 

“Your majesties, if I may,” the councilman pauses, “how are we to know where this enemy lies? If we do not know, we cannot plan.”

Jake can tell a condescending tone as if he could see it, he’d grown up around it being a spare but for them to talk to her as such was not something he’d tolerate. “Send units out to scour the woods, search every abandoned building. We could even send parties to this area.” Jake points to the scribbled out lettering. 

All eyes slightly widen at his suggestion. Panic and tension in the room quickly rises when she peels her hand from his. Jake quirks an eyebrow at her, confused on everything that is currently happening. 

“Sir Jake, with all respect, we do not enter that area. It is a place of death and ruin.”

Her touch reappears on the small of his back. He can finally feel her touch through the thin linen drawstring shirt he changed to. Jake wants to return subtle touches, but is too far invested in why that particular area makes everyone spiral into a panic. 

“And with all respect, that is our best option. There must be a reason as to why and how the enemy travels so silently to Weria.” Jake snaps back with a condescending tone of his own. If the councilman could without having his head removed or being thrown in the dungeons, he'd probably laugh at a spare and a queen directing them through a war. 

For a moment Jake thinks he has defeated the council in their fight to reject that idea. “You do not know the land like we do, do not speak as if you do.”

Jake feels her nails sink into the skin of his back, a sign of her irritation. He has to swallow a groan at the pain, but also the shooting ropes of pleasure that travel to his cock. 

“Councilman, you will not speak to your king as such. Mind your mouth.” your king. That has Jake acting out of reflex, reaching around her to place his hand on the small of back, dipping his hand a little too low in a room full of people. 

Looking over at her, he finds her already searching for his eyes. There’s a daring look swirling within them, hypnotizing Jake into pushing it further. At her silent command, his hand slides down the curve of her ass, gripping it tightly- surely enough to leave little bruises. She was his queen even if in this lifetime they were not to be wed. He wanted to feel more of her- more of her touch, for her to feel more of his and to hear the angelic sounds she’d let out beneath him. 

The councilmen all continued on about how that area was off limits and no one should dare enter unless they had a death wish. Jake could see the annoyance on her face, matching his own. “We will send men there and that is final. You best trust your king's word, next time will not be excused.” She threatens. 

With a wave of her hand, they bow their heads and leave. Not a single one of them agreed, but didn’t argue after their queen spoke against them. Jake squeezes the flesh of her ass once more before removing his hand from her all together. He takes steps away from her, examining her as she stands agitated before him because of this war and because he neglects her of what she wants. 

She stares him down, no longer wanting to be the first to make such a daring move. She wanted him to show her how he needed her to want him. But Jake wasn’t going to give it to her so easily.

“Let me show you to your chambers, my queen.” he shoots her a sly grin, lending out his hand for her to take. 

The queen squints her eyes, huffing out a breath. “I think I’ll stay here awhile, thank you.” Jake’s grin grows hearing how disheartened she is at what she takes is his rejection of her.

“Would you rather me ravish you here?” He cocks his head at her. 

A blush spread across her cheeks. Even after clearing her throat, her voice still cracks, “Perhaps I would.”

Jake steps towards her, not yet wanting to be too close to her as he’d give in to his desires. He wanted to make it last- wanted to look at her- to see all of those gorgeous expressions she’ll make when he does touch her. 

“Then tell me what you’d like for me to do.”

She wets her lips, “Love me.”

Jake couldn’t stop himself if he wanted to. In quick strides he wrapped himself around her, letting his heart lead him to the one thing it now called home. His hands encased her cheeks, pushing his lips to hers. Her hands tangle themselves in the fabric of his loose shirt that hides little to the imagination. Jake’s tongue swipes against her bottom lip, wanting to taste more of her. She quickly responds, taking a taste for herself too. Both of them devour each other, taking in everything the other has to give- an outpour of their love. 

“Jake… please.” she whispers against his lips, slick with her saliva. 

He parts from her, seeing the desperation and need in her eyes. He travels on hand from her face to rest on her waist. “You are a queen, do not beg, my love.”

She takes that in, letting it sink in her mind that she has the power over him body and soul. She fully parts from him, lifting herself onto the surface of the table. Jake watches her in awe, seeing how disheveled she is by just sharing a kiss. She no longer simply wants him, she needs him.  His queen teases him, spreading her legs and ever so slowly lifting the hem of her dress to reveal her perfect legs. A few bruises paint her skin, he is sure from the night she spoke about when the cut on her neck was made. 

Jake wishes she would hurry and reveal herself to him, but he appreciates getting to view every little part there is to her. Once she pulls the dress to her thighs, the king sinks to his knees- a forbidden act upon royals. No man or woman that dons a crown may sink to their knees before anyone- not even another royal. Jake would break that absurd law as many times as she would let him. 

His palms smooth over the expanse of her legs, from her calves to her plush thighs. Their final destination are her knees, slightly pushing them apart for him to fit between them. Jake stares into her lustful eyes, giving the inside of her knee a kiss, letting his tongue peak out to wet her skin. He can see the rise and fall of her chest- the way she is trying to not fall apart at the simplest of things. 

Jake rests his head on her thigh, letting himself appreciate the woman that towered over him. “If only you could see what I see- you are so beautiful.”

“I’m quite happy with my view.” She flashes him that smile that he hasn’t seen in far too long. A genuine smile, one that radiates light like his brothers. 

The king lets himself smile back at her, rising back to his feet. Jake feels his desires running wild, needing to calm them down by backing away from what’s tempting him most. Meeting at eye level again, he leans his forehead into hers. His breathing is uneven as is hers. Jake’s eyes close and lifts his head to press a feathery light kiss to the crown of her head. 

“I will not take what is yours from you just yet.”

With that, Jake separates himself from her completely. He watches the way she becomes aware of what he’s said and the shyness he knew hadn’t left her return. She awkwardly shuffles around, fixing herself to look presentable. Dare he say it was quite adorable watching her frantically fix her dress and hair to make it look like treasonous acts hadn’t just taken place in here. New wrinkles had formed in the fabric of her gown and strands of her hair poked out in odd directions. 

“In time, love. I simply wish to give you all of my love before my cock.” The queen's eyes widened in horror at his vulgarity. Her face turned beet red in embarrassment. Jake chuckled.

“Jacob! You mustn't speak like that!” She whisper-yells at him as if anyone was truly listening in on their conversation. 

He releases a belly laugh at her reaction, she truly was so pure. It was as if she wasn’t just hiking up her skirts to reveal herself to him, begging for him to ravish her right on that table. There was still so much to learn about her and he was excited to take this ride with her. 

Jake coughs, letting himself calm down from his fit of laughter. “Let me take you to your chambers.”

She doesn’t respond, still embarrassed. The beautiful girl turns her back and makes her way to the doors that lead to the darkened hallway lined with guards.

_____

You wanted him to take what was yours. The real battle was coming soon and if Jake was to be on the front lines, who knew if he’d make it back to you. You’re scared that you will live the rest of your life without knowing him. You’re more than aware that there is much to make up for before that point, but the way you were testing each other in the war room had you worked up in a way you’d never felt before meeting Jake.

His footsteps echoed your own, but you were far too sheepish to look back at him. You wanted his hand in yours, but without having to ask him brought on a new problem. Jake was watching you, you could feel his eyes burning holes through your dress as you walked. His stare reignited that fire within your core without having to turn back. Just his presence alone was a safety net, one you could fall into and be swallowed whole. You were sure Jake could see the way you clench your fists, bunching up the ruined fabric of your dress. His sole being is enough to have your knees shaking and heart drumming against your chest- he doesn’t have to say a word or lay a single finger upon your skin. 

Guards follow five steps behind Jake, ensuring your safety and his. The amount of guards with you at all times has now been upped by the demand of the king himself, putting his men to work at protecting you. It is not long before the door of your chambers comes into your line of sight. What lurked behind the doors still had you petrified- unable to step one foot in without wanting to search every crevice of the room. Rats lay low, they stay hidden away from the naked eye. You did not want them to reappear and this time have a fatal victory. 

You hesitate to grab the handle to open the doors, not wanting to see what waits for you inside. Slowly you turn your head back to look at Jake who seems more or less unbothered, unaware of your uneasiness. But his actions tell you otherwise, his simple nod for you to open the doors is reassuring. You knew with him around, nothing would harm you. 

The dark room was coated with a sweet scent of roses, the one you found so comforting once upon a time. The moon's light shines ever so brightly through the windows. Your box of memories remains open on the floor, its contents scattered around it. If Jake were to see you’ve kept such ridiculous items, he’d laugh and taunt you for ages. But in the moment you could care less, you needed him with you more than ever. 

You shook your head back at him, speaking to him in silence that you could not enter. “Please stay for the night.” you whisper. 

The corners of his lips turn upwards. “And what would the councilmen think of you inviting me into your chambers?” Jake jests. You knew it was him poking fun, trying to lighten your heavy heart but you simply needed him to watch over you in the night. 

“Jake, I’m not strong- I’m afraid.”

His warmth washes over you, allowing some of your unease to dissipate. “I will not let you be harmed,” His tone has softened greatly. Jake’s hand finds its place on the small of your back, gently ushering you into the room. “I will stay.”

You knew of the rumors that would spread from this, but that is beyond you. As long as you could safely sleep beside the one you wanted most, you’d deal with anything thrown at the two of you. Jake guides you into the darkened room, making haste to shut the door behind him and lighting the candles on your bedside table. 

There’s be many times in the past that you have shared a bed with Jake, but tonight felt different. The two of you have been through so much that it almost felt wrong at this time to even consider reliving these moments. You watched him pace around the room, finding the different sources of light so the dark could not cause any more damage to your mind. It felt so domestic to have him this way. It felt too real- too soon and too calm. 

As Jake goes to light the last candle on its stand, he looks back over his shoulder at you. “You’ll be uncomfortable sleeping in that.” He looks you up and down. 

For the umpteenth time that night a blush rises to your cheeks. He was right of course, but to change before him when he has never seen your body was another challenge that you thought you were ready to face. Bravery was not something you held within you, it was a mere act for people to not look down upon your ruling. Jake didn’t bother turning back to the melted candle, keeping his focus on you. 

“Look away then.” and he does as you wish. 

You reach behind you to untie the corset that secured the dress to your body. Unable to reach the ribbon that lies between your shoulder blades. You huff in annoyance, succumbing to the fact that you will need help to be released from the imprisonment you forced yourself into. 

“Help, please…” you say in a hushed tone. 

It’s as if he were waiting for you to ask for his assistance, whipping around to grab the ribbon and pull it from its knot slowly. His fingertips brush against the skin of your back with each loosening of each crossover. What felt like forever was just a few seconds, he quickly but smoothly made work of the corset. When it was fully undone, the sleeves of your dress dropped, revealing your bare shoulders to him and the crisp night air. 

Before leaving you to strip bare and change, Jake plants a wet kiss on each of your shoulders. Your heart felt like it was going to burst through your chest at his affections. Though he was in your room with you was familiar, there was a shift in the air- something more heartfelt and heavy. Once you feel his gaze leave you, you drop your dress to pool at your feet on the bear skin rug. You step out of the melted fabric and out of the painful heels you donned all day. Your nightgown rested on the back of your desk chair. You slipped it over quickly, afraid of what would happen if Jake were to see you in such a scandalous state- not that he hadn’t earlier, but now would be the time something more was going to happen if it were. 

The small mirror on your desk showed your reflection in it, the way you wore such a remarkable staple on your head while being in a place that you could not hold onto it too tightly without cutting through your palms. You watch it be removed from your body to rest on the grainy old wood, not the best place for it to go but it wasn’t very precious to you. You see the way your styled locks roll down to their rightful place. Being like this made you feel normaal, like a kingdom didn’t lay its lives upon you. You’d wondered if Jake felt the same being in the same position or if it had truly sunk in for him yet. 

“Quit judging yourself, you’re beautiful,” Jake’s voice startles you, having forgotten he was even in the same room. “Come to bed.”

What you would give to hear those words for the remainder of your days was above you. He made it sound like heaven to lay beside him every night and fall asleep to the sound of his steady breathing. On a normal night you’d let the handmaids brush through your hair and scrub you down, but tonight you couldn’t be bothered to look perfect. You wanted him to see you and only you. The real you. 

The way he laid so contently in your bed gave you hope in how this could be your view for eternity. His arms were crossed behind his head, one leg propped up on the other. He looked gorgeous. It’s one of the few times you’ve seen him fully relaxed. His gaze follows you as you approach the opposite side of the bed. You go to lift the layers of blankets only to be beaten to it, Jake peels them back for you. Slithering into bed, he shifts to his side, hand holding his head up and the other reaching to smooth your wild hair. 

No other words are said that night, you can see his lips moving but cannot make out what he’s saying. Your eyes grow heavy and eventually everything around you fades to black. 

_____

You stand in the long hallway of your home, the one that leads to your mother and fathers chambers. Loud painful cries erupt from behind the closed doors. You can see the uneasiness in the guards standing watch and in the castle staff that are gathered outside the room. In the distance, you can recognise the voices from inside the room- you mother and your father, speaking to one another. One was panicked and the other calming and reassuring. Groans of pain come from one of them. 

In a state of panic you race towards the room, shoving those who block your path out of your way. You go to push the doors open only to find you fall right through them. On your hands and knees, you look up to see a terrifying scene. Your mother laid on the grand bed, face as a white as a ghost in a pool of blood with sweat shining on her forehead. Your father held one of her hands in both of his to his mouth, his eyes told you that he was scared. 

Doctors and nurses stood at the foot of the bed between your mothers legs, giving her signs of when she should start again. To your horror, your mothers screams come again but louder now that you have a  front row seat to this gruesome scene. Her body lifts from the pile of pillows that held her weight, squeezing the life from your fathers hand. 

Eventually it all went silent for a moment. A moment of fear washed over all of their faces. The doctor held something you could not see. Your mother had started to cry, tears rolling down her cheeks as she buried her face in your fathers chest. Even his eyes turned red, fearing the worst. But then a shrill cry filled the silent room. 

“It’s a boy your majesties!”

A commotion happens and you see that eventually your mother takes hold of the babe, cradling him in her arms. She looked at him with such adoration. She used to look at you that same way. 

“Well, hello there Prince Daniel.” The first born son of Weria and the first of his name.

__________

Taglist: @allieisacrybaby @writingcold @gardensgatedaisy @hayley1623 @gretasmokerising @josh-iamyour-mama @ageofsinners @capturethechaos @takenbythemadness @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @mysticaldonutglitter @lvnterninthenight

[rocknrolloccultist93]

The Soulless Vincent Theory

Ok so, this is something I typed out on Discord on a whim but I've been thinking about it FOREVER and needed an excuse to finally put it into words that make sense. TW because the Black Butler lore is fucked up, obviously. Also sorry for the lack of paragraphs

Am I the only one who thinks it's possible that Vincent either has no soul or only has a partial soul? Assuming Undertaker is the father, it could be the case that reapers aren't allowed to "meddle in human affairs" because only two humans can create a child with a whole soul. We know reapers should be able to have children because they're essentially in an OP human body (and Grelle's whole motivation in the Jack the Ripper arc revolves around being jealous of cis women specifically which suggests that if she were a cis woman, she'd be able to have children, reaper or not.) This would also make sense of the "new recruits" (citing the reaper ova here) seemingly being all the same age and younger than the on-duty reapers. If reapers have children together, they can't give birth to a body with a soul unless there's a fresh suicide victim's soul waiting in the wings, because if they could, there would be no shortage of staff for Will to complain about. Back to Undertaker though, if he had children with Cloudia, just as in real genetics, they'd have a mix of the parents' traits. So, maybe Francis got the white hair and wicked fighting skills, and Vincent got the lack of a soul. There's something wrong about Vincent's demeanor to me. He's always smiling, it's basically his neutral expression. We almost never see him actually emote about anything, and though he does seem to care about others (his family, for example), so does Real Ciel, who we know for a fact, doesn't have a soul. The same behavior we see in Vincent, we see in real Ciel, not just because they're father and son, but because they both lack a soul. Real Ciel does act more like Vincent in the flashbacks, but not to that extent. He clearly emotes and cares deeply about his brother and his family, to the extent that he wants to give up his position as earl to be with Our Ciel forever. We see no such concern in Bizarre Doll Ciel, who actively sabotages everything his brother worked for and forces him to go on the run. He no longer seems to care for Our Ciel's safety. Similarly, Vincent doesn't even think to train both the boys in the same manner to take over the earldom and title as watchdog, even though there's a chance the younger might have to. Francis on the other hand, trains both her children the same way, because whether or not they're going down the same path, they're still skills that will help them survive and succeed. Vincent, frankly, doesn't seem to care that much about the younger twin's ability to thrive after he's gone. Real Ciel doesn't lack the empathy required to care about others when they're not benefitting him, neither does Our Ciel despite his attitude. Vincent and Bizarre Doll Ciel do. They know enough about human emotions to say what's expected of them. Of course BD Ciel cares about Lizzie, because she's supposed to marry him. Of course Vincent cares about the elder sibling, because he's supposed to take his place as Earl and Watchdog. The people these two care about benefit them in some way. Our Ciel cares about people regardless. He has no reason to let Prince Soma and Agni watch his townhouse, he could just order Sebastian to prevent intruders either himself or by hiring guards. Soma annoys him, but Our Ciel keeps him around despite that.

[ftmtum]

concept. you get pregnant, then convince me, another trans guy, to get pregnant too. then you bully me about it.

hmm... i'm imagining i convince you to get pregnant not long before i go into labor... maybe when im five months, and already huge because i'm having quints? i give birth at about 30 weeks, and 2 weeks later we find out you're 6 weeks pregnant. by the time you're 10 weeks, i'm pregnant again. but i'm showing before you are, so i make fun of you for that. turns out i'm having sextuplets this time, and you're having a singleton that turns out to be huge, though you're never quite as big as i am. you make it to 42 weeks, and i make it to 32 weeks, so we give birth at just about the same time.

but for your entire pregnancy, i make sure you're eating foods that will make your baby the most active. when we're in public i'll very discreetly shine my phone flashlight on your belly, or i'll draw attention to it by probing it with my fingers to get your baby to move around — the latter making you nervous helps too. and, maybe your baby already would have been an active one, but either way, ultimately my efforts pay off, and you end up with a belly that is moving almost constantly, the movement visible regardless of whether you're wearing a shirt that covers your whole belly or not.

and of course, more and more you go out wearing clothing that doesn't really fit. it's honestly shocking how much bigger it makes you look, when i'm standing there next to you in clothing that DOES fit. even with my belly always being bigger than yours, if you're wearing a shirt that doesn't fit, you always look nearly as big as i am at least. buttondowns that are barely holding together do a lot to emphasize your size, especially if some of the buttons accidentally pop off. the best that i found was when we went to the mall together in cute matching patterned buttondowns in our second trimester, mine fitting very well, despite my belly already looking like i was overdue with triplets at only 17 weeks, and yours fitting so poorly over your 26 week belly that of the buttons that we even managed to do, all but two burst open within about 45 minutes. the one remaining, of course, was the one between your belly and bust and the second one down starting at the collar, between which yawned your tender, engorged tits, which were basically one poorly timed step from spilling out the entire time. (you don't own any maternity bras, of course.)

also, as my body is more accustomed to pregnancy, you start waddling before i do, which i can't get enough of. i'll often use my larger belly as an excuse to have you bring me stuff, just to see your newly-massive ass wobbling over to it and your heavy steps as you slowly turn around. i also don't stop lactating between the last pregnancy and this one, and because i'm careful not to leak in public, i always have a breast pump in my bag... but when you start needing to pump (which i make sure is as early as possible) i say that i havent sterilized it, so it would be unsafe for you to use it. you waddle around with constantly engorged, leaky tits, leaving wet spots on all of your shirts.

don't worry, i'll make sure to talk just a little too loudly about how you're only having one when people ask how many you're having. i'll make sure to tell them you're two weeks overdue with a huge 15 pound baby, too. and don't worry about trying to hide it either, they'll be able to tell you're pregnant nice and early, since i'm make sure your baby is active all the time. and after that... you won't be empty for long, either 😈

[ameliafuckinjones]

The thought of Amelia/Alfred declaring independence and then being immediately thrust into parenthood appeals to me. Imagine if you will shortly after the Revolution the emergence of State Personifications coming about with each admission to the Union (Delaware was the first one). Whether they appear miraculously or are birthed via (unwilling) parthenogenesis (which I prefer) the bottom line is that suddenly America has all these kids to take care of, all of who grow up just as fast as America did. Regardless of how they came to be or how fast they grow, America loves them with his/her whole being and creates a system in which they are always protected and accounted for by the larger government. America promises to be there for them the way England never was.

Then fast forward to the Civil War, and America is waging a bloody war against half of her/his children that see hundreds of thousands of their people dead. Brother against brother, father against son, cousin against cousin. And each secession feels like a small death because they are part of America just as much as America is a part of them, practically inseparable, or at least America thought so. To add even more complexity, not all of America's children were white or white-passing. America being neglected because s/he was to far away or denied certain rights for not being British enough was bad on its own, but imagine your parent not being able to claim you or fully protect you or give you basic human rights without public/social/political backlash because your skin is darker and you're legal property in half the country. Or imagine having powerful politicians who want to keep people who look like your children in bondage and you have to compromise with them to keep the Union whole, knowing the opinions they would have if they even knew you had children who were black (some of them do know and make sure their opinions are known). Or your other children starting a war to selfishly keep this system in place at the expense of their black siblings. The relationship between America and his/her children, with America acting as both the federal government that protects the states as well as the greater whole that represents the Union and the states as the children, each an extension of America, an integral part of America's being, pushing back against the sometimes overbearing hovering of their parent, impeding on states rights (whether they believe America is in the right or not) and protecting others and sometimes America will helplessly throw his/her hands in the air and say "fine, ill let YOU decide on this issue because I am not a dictator, despite what some of you like to think, but if you fuck up im stepping in" because America doesn't want to make the same mistakes England made in the past but then America has to deal with the negative consequences of her/his children's actions when they do something unbelievably stupid while trying not to seem like a fire-breathing tyrant. Which, they end up thinking anyway, regardless if America wasn't entirely in the wrong about butting in and taking hold of the situation before it escalated. The negative reaction only serves to make America step away AGAIN so as to not seem completely authoritarian in their eyes. It's a never-ending cycle. Not to mention the complex relationships the states have with each other, especially the southern states among themselves and the southern vs northern states rivalry.

Edit:

also whenever America takes his/her eyes off the states for 1mili second to see what the rest of the world is up to (hopefully not another world war) while usually being like 'back off, geeze! 🤬' America's children immediately switch to 'how come you're not paying attention to ME instead 🥺 you always focus on the world instead of ME 😢'

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 9/6

What am I feeling today?

I wish I had been more productive today. Then again I was really tired and it was probably good for me to get that extra bit of sleep. Prayerfully all my plans can follow through today. Also, I’m trying so so hard to keep a level head. There’s a brother in the church who I’ve developed an interest in and I don’t want to spiral like I have the habit of doing in the past. I just need to trust in God and His timing and not fret and preoccupy myself with worrying about whether he likes me or will ask me out again or if he feels the same way about me etc.

Bible Plan: Rethinking Love and Romance

Finally, we turn to the New Testament’s Christmas story—wait, what? We associate angels, shepherds, and wise men with the Christmas story, but romance? Stick with us. There is something profound to learn about love from a character who does not have a single line in the story.

Matthew’s gospel tells us that Joseph was betrothed to Mary. In their world, betrothals were more serious than modern wedding engagements. The two were legally bound to one another, though they didn’t yet live together or consummate their relationship. During the betrothal time, Mary discovers that she is pregnant—and the baby is not Joseph’s (Matt. 1:18). Imagine being Joseph in this scenario. What is he supposed to do? In their culture, this would have been humiliating to both Mary and him.

Joseph shows lovingkindness to Mary by deciding to divorce her quietly (Matt. 1:19). That doesn’t seem very loving, but consider the cultural context. Joseph could have preserved his own reputation by publicly shaming Mary. He could have told everyone she was pregnant with a child that wasn’t his, leaving her to carry the burden alone. But Joseph won’t do it. He shows mercy toward Mary.

The authors say he wants to divorce her quietly because he is a “righteous” (Greek: dikaios) man. This word in Greek is deeply relational, describing someone doing right by another person and treating others as infinitely valuable creations of God. What could be more loving than treating someone with mutual respect and acknowledging that God built them for honor, blessing, and endless lovingkindness? Joseph wishes Mary no harm. He chooses to care for her.

Joseph is later awakened by a messenger, an angel, who instructs him to not divorce Mary. For Joseph, a quick and quiet divorce instinctively looked best for everyone involved. But Joseph chooses to trust the angel and, again, acts in a way that cares for and blesses (or gives life to) Mary—a picture of true love.

Most of us aren’t getting angelic instructions about who to stay romantically involved with. Wouldn’t that be nice? But we can still choose to act in love toward others in the way that Joseph did. Are we loving another person because of what they can do for us, or are we loving them so that they can be built up, cared for, and blessed with life? Are we choosing to do right by the other person regardless of what they can do for us?

In today’s video, learn more about the Hebrew word khesed that describes the relational and active love that God has for his people.

Matthew 1:18-25 NIV

“This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”). When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.”

I never thought about this too deeply but let’s take a moment to reflect on this situation. Joseph is a man betrothed to a woman who is now pregnant with a child that he knows it not his. Think for a moment how that would make you feel, betrayed? angry? bitter? disappointed? disgusted? hurt? I can’t imagine what it must have been like initially for Joseph but take some time again to reflect on how he responded to the situation.

It says he did not want to expose her to public disgrace. Think about what that says about him and his character especially during this time period and cultural context. He loved Mary in a way of respect and kindness, he was looking out for her even when it may have seemed she wasn’t doing the same for him.

This can lead us to a great practical:

Are we loving another person because of what they can do for us, or are we loving them so that they can be built up, cared for, and blessed with life? Are we choosing to do right by the other person regardless of what they can do for us?

No matter what happens or how how people treat us today (and any other day for that matter) - we should show the same love that God has shown us. Let’s not grumble when asked to do something. Let’s build up other people with our words. Let’s take the time to encourage one another.