#and that realization has been kind of relieving tbh

[spookykestrel]

I like posts that put a bad day into perspective of a whole year ,,, like yes I've been feeling terribly and feel like I've been accomplishing nothing but also . I did so manny big brave scary things this year and I'm allowed a break

[beforetimes]

telepathy kink is always talked about but i loveee the way erik's relationship with charles' mutation is dependant on how much he trusts charles + how willing he would be to submit to charles should he ever use it. like in first class charles spends time flicking in and out of erik's head no issue because erik trusts charles and also when charles was in erik's head, he brought out a piece of happiness that erik no longer thought he had. so he's more willing to submit to charles' telepathy. and he puts the helmet on because he's more vulnerable directly after killing the man who was such a direct source of violence in his life and realizing that it wasn't enough—which probably shook erik to his core, because his whole life he's been hunting this one guy just to find that it's not over yet?

and then in days of future past, erik once again goes back to saying 'i don't have my helmet i couldn't disobey you if i wanted' which some people read as a taunt, some people read as him not accepting charles' mutation (which like? i don't think erik has ever not accepted him, but whatever) but i personally read it as erik once more trying to find his footing with charles after a decade apart.

anyway now that i talked about canon stuff i think specifically in the context of a sexual relationship, the telepathy stuff would be a way for erik to give up control over the situation and put his full trust in charles. which is important because a) erik is someone who thrives on being in control and finds it very important because so much of his agency was robbed of him and choosing to submit to a higher power than his own is something that insinuates a great deal of trust in the other party and b) charles is the only one who he could do this with because charles proved that he had the capacity to invade erik's mind and know him wholly and didn't take advantage of that and has shown time and time again he will help erik no matter what.

its also the fact that erik repeatedly implies that charles' telepathy will be used to control him when its a much more surface-level/baseline understanding that telepathy is the reading of minds rather than outright taking control of them. it's even in the definition of telepathy. but knowing charles can take control of him and constantly inviting him to (in an assumed sexual context, in this case) highlights how erik sort of longs to have responsibility for his actions taken away from him. which again can only be done by charles. not just because of his powers but because so many of his actions have directly hurt charles and he's the only one who can both metaphorically and physically relieve him of the culpability behind the consequences of what he's done when in complete control of himself. so again erik is someone who wants to relieve himself of his overly-controlling nature, his responsibilities, be completely vulnerable to someone who's seen him at his worst and loved him anyway.

and the only way erik can be all these things at once is by being under charles' control. (under the control of someone stronger than erik who has proven he will never hurt him with the power charles can exert over him).

so like sexually yes it's fun to say haha erik telepathy kink but also i think it is something much more tender which encapsulates the fact that erik is only this vulnerable with someone he has so much trust in and that person can only ever be charles because its only around charles he can truly be wholly himself. and so submissive erik is real to me #tbh

hope this makes sense i am kind of just rambling

[mockerycrow]

Emergency Contact (1/2) (Ghost x GN!Reader)

>> emergency contact concept here << PART TWO HERE!!

Summary: Simon is your roommate, and you haven’t seen each other in months, considering Simon’s job. An unfamiliar number pops up on Simon’s phone, and answering it makes his world turn upside down.

A/N: How you two moved in together is very vaguely inspired this ghost fic right here. please give it a read! If you finish the song above, I highly recommend listening to the entire album while reading. i’m not the happiest with this, but i’m happy enough to post!

[WARNINGS: Blood and injury, traumatic events/trauma brought up, gore, little comfort, medical inaccuracies, tbh ooc simon but it’s ok.]

Eight months, thirteen days, and nine hours. That’s how long it’s been since he’s been home, since he’s seen you. That’s how long he’s been stuck on base, or thrown into a foreign country to complete some mission, or to gather some intel, or to kill someone, just somewhere, anywhere but with you.

Eight months, thirteen days, and nine hours. That’s how long it’s been since you softly asked him to stay as safe as he can, and to come back alive, and to come back with at least eight fingers. It was a running joke between you two, a way to relieve the terrifying reality of his job; as long as Simon came home alive and with majority of his fingers, he could consider it a job well done. You didn’t know much of his job, of course—only that he’s military, and he’s gone a lot. You already guessed it was a lot of classified stuff, probably down top secret government type of things. That did make you scared, though. You didn’t want the day to come, the day where people in fancy uniforms show up at your doorstep like you’re some widow. The thought of someone informing you of Simon’s death makes your stomach twist.

Eight months is admittedly a long time. Simon.. he missed you, but he’s rather die that verbally admit it, but he sure as hell felt it. He missed the way he could hear you walk through the house, the weight of the floorboards creaking up your feet. Simon missed walking by the bathroom and the air vaguely smelled your shampoo and body wash, a clear indicator you had just taken a shower. Simon missed the way you carelessly have your shoes next to the shoe rack, not even on it, and despite his annoyance of your laziness? He misses it every single time he’s away. He never really realizes the difference of living on base versus being home with you, and he’s comfortable in both environments for completely different reasons. Simon is comfortable with you because you’re safe, you aren’t associated with anyone he has to deal with on a near daily basis. You don’t scan the kitchen to see which household items could be potential bombs in the vicinity like he does. On base, Simon finds comfort in the familiarity of being constantly on alert, the need for a gun to be against his hip—it’s not the best, considering he’s in fight mode majority of the time, but it’s comforting. It’s familiar. It’s.. home, in a way.

You and Simon call at least once every three weeks—it’s not more because you’re both busy, you have your life to tend to while he has to do something like protecting an American Embassy, or sneaking into a compound to retrieve some vital information. You two talk about all kinds of things; you complain about the neighbors for the nth time, or you talk about your job, just something that he hasn’t heard about in a while. Simon.. he’s limited on what he can talk about—what he wants to talk about. It’s a bit difficult, keeping details of his job hidden away from you. He also keeps you hidden away from them; his team. Price vaguely is aware of your existence, but all he knows is your name and your phone number—someone to alert when he eventually would pass away.

It surprised Price when he requested access to his own file to make a change. Simon went for years without anyone in that section, leaving it blank—and then suddenly ‘[Name] [Last Name]’ is written down, along with your phone number. Simon doesn’t want to die somewhere and then you sit at home, dreading the fact that you haven’t received a call from him for over six months. Other than that, no one is aware of your existence and he wants to keep it that way. It keeps you safe, and he doesn’t want the one thing he has going in his life to be taken away from him—not like everything else has been.

No, you and Simon aren’t together. You just are the one constant he cannot allow to die. How you and Simon became close was rather funny, really—before you were roommates, you bumped into each other at the local stores, the bank, even several public spaces like parks and such. You didn’t see him too often and you weren’t aware on why, but you didn’t really wonder why either. By this point, you knew each other for a couple of months. He introduced himself as SR—not Ghost or Simon, but as SR. You didn’t bother to question it because this tall, bulky man seemed like he was trying keep himself as anonymous as possible. Without fail, you always saw him wear dark colored clothing that hid any identifiable markings—tattoos and scars, that kind of thing. He usually has his hood up with a black face mask covering his nose down, but you do know one thing—he has to have bright blonde hair. Why else would his beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows be that bright? It would catch your eye every time you’d see them. Sometimes you would see him with a beanie on and the mask, with his hood down. This wasn’t too often, as it exposed some scarring he has on the back of his neck, as well as his forehead. This also silently lead you to believe he has a tough past of some sort, which is confirmed when you run into him somewhere you never expected to—your therapist’s building. You bumped into him right outside, and you apologized profusely before looking and going silent as you made eye contact.

A silent agreement was made between you two that day, one that you could never put into words. Something in that moment that dragged you two closer together. You had been through some shit in your life, shit that had permanent effect on you, shit that you wanted to work through. It was horribly tiring, but you knew you needed to work through it—so you could live a life you felt was worth living. Simon, was on the other side of the spectrum. He didn’t want this. He never wanted to tell anyone about anything, but Price, Price fucking made him. Simon spends his days and nights plagued with nightmares and memories—he’s woken up in the middle of the night enough times to know that he needs help, but he was so adamant about not talking to anyone about it. But seeing you there? Someone who he hasn’t known for long, someone who had always greeted him with a smile on your face, laughter spilling from your beautiful vocal cords, and someone who doesn’t touch him without permission? It made him so angry and hopeless about this world. Not even you, a stranger who he sees as the best human being he’s known in a while—despite not knowing you for long—could escape from the cruel and sharp jaws of the world. You found out you two accidentally scheduled the same days, so it became an unspoken agreement to wait for the other outside of the building so you can both go in. Even when you weren’t sure when his next appointment would be, you’d be right outside of that building, waiting for him. You would always be right there, and that’s something he quickly learned.

You lost your house to a fire, everything went with the burning embers that raged inside of the 4 walls of your previous home, the structure collapsing in on itself. You had gotten out in time, and you numbly watched the fire roar, the crackling burning it’s memory in your ears. The piercing sound of different sirens were approaching, but all you could do is stand there with your phone in your hand, watching the home you worked so hard for burn to the foundation built years ago. You felt a hand on your shoulder, but you didn’t bother to turn to see who it was. Everything was going so slow, almost like a movie scene in the worst way possible. Your nostrils burned from the smell of burning wood, drywall, and installation. The hand squeezed your shoulder and you slowly looked at who it was—and was him. Simon. His eyebrows were furrowed, eyes ever so slightly panicked and it was obvious he was asking you something, but you didn’t hear him. All you could focus on was that he was here. You blinked rapidly as your eyes began to burn from the smoke and from that choked feeling going from your chest to your throat. “I..” You croak ever so slightly. You couldn’t hold it back—you quickly grabbed onto Simon desperately, letting out a heart-wrenching sob because you just lost everything you owned, every memory, every piece of furniture, everything.. but he was here. He was the only thing was wasn’t crumbling away from your grasp, the only constant. Once you clung to him, Simon’s senses were flooded with you. Fuck, your touch burned, just like everyone’s else’s but he liked—no, loved how it felt. Despite the image of a burning house in his wake making dread bubble in his gut, your sobs and touch were the only thing he could focus on. Simon hesitates for only a second before pulling you into his personal space, his arms wrapping around you and weighing heavily on your body. Neither of you spoke, he just let you scream into his chest and sob, your fists gently banging against his chest—the anger, the sadness, everything was too much. Simon knew exactly how you were feeling, so he didn’t mind the twinges of pain your hands produced. Simon was the one who helped you while you chatted with the paramedics and the police. He was the one who helped you find your words when you had none left to share, the smell of the smoke imprinted on your clothes.

Without question, Simon took you to his house. He did not have another bed set up, so he had you sleep in his room while he slept on his couch. He hated the hollow look your eyes held, the way you were delayed with your answers, the ways your hands shook. Your everlasting smile had dissipated into a wobbly frown and he.. Simon couldn’t handle it. He grabbed you some of his clothes and helped you into his bathroom, quietly telling you to take a shower. He’ll take care of your clothes. Simon left you alone, and you showered for a long time. He didn’t count, but it was over an hour and a half. Simon didn’t say anything about you possibly racking up his bill, how could he when you had just lost everything? He wanted to.. to help you, and he wasn’t sure why. Even when he found himself scrubbing your smoke and tar covered clothes in his kitchen sink, he couldn’t find an exact reason why he wanted to help you. Maybe it’s because you made him feel human when he needed to be, maybe you were the one thing that kept him coming back to this town, the one thing that kept him from completely pulling away from the civilian world. You had found him in a corner like a dog, lips curled back and snarling—sharp teeth clashing together, and without a word, you gave him reasons to trust you. Although they may not be.. normal reasons to the regular eye, but they were enough for Simon.

You’re enough for Simon. He scrubbed your clothes until his arms burned, and then some.

That’s when he found out that you too, were also someone who could not stay asleep for long. When Simon awoke with his adrenaline pumping from the muffled sound of vomiting, he had to calm himself down because he’s safe, and you’re safe, most of all. Simon isn’t sure when he began to think that way, but it’s one of the many things he’s decided to not question—which also new for him. Simon is man who demands answers, yet with you? it’s like everything naturally falls into place, which is why he doesn’t complain when your stay at his house—which you swore would only be until you gathered enough money for an apartment—turned from a two week stay, to Simon carrying in an IKEA bed frame to put and assemble in one of his empty rooms. Many sleepless nights came and went, and each and every one you spent them with each other, sitting by a windowsill together, other times spending it in the backyard and looking at the sky. Sometimes you would wake up first, sometimes it would be him. You somehow always knew when he had woken up from a nightmare, his heart pounding in his ears—until your hands grab his and squeeze, to ground him. You burn him, and he welcomes the tickle of your ever-glowing flame. A year into this arrangement, Simon finally shows you his face and he appreciates that you don’t look at him any different. He usually hates the searching eyes, trying to memorize every inch of his face—but he’s greedy when you do it. When your eyes roam over every scar and acne scar, when you point out his messily cut hair and half-assed shaven stubble, he doesnt get angry. Simon doesn’t feel suffocated by your glances. He doesn’t wear his mask at home anymore, not when you’re there.

Then Simon gets the notice about his three month leave ending soon; and he knows that you need to know about his job. Or at least, the bare minimum you need to know. In reality, it’s how much he wants you to know, but he doesn’t want to admit that. He sits you down one morning, a cup of tea in his hand and he had a mug of your favorite morning drink on the other side of the table he had bought a few weeks you started staying here. Simon explains that he has a job in the military, that he can’t tell you much, but it means he’s going to be gone for weeks, even months at a time. You’re at a loss at first, because who is going to have an extremely positive reaction to “by the way, I work an extremely dangerous job and I can’t tell you anything and I’ll be gone for a while.. Oh yeah, you likely won’t know if I die!”? Despite your initial reaction, you grow to be okay with this situation. Or, we’ll, as okay as you can be with it. You also find out that he was here for way longer than he originally is, due to his boss demanding him to take a break—AKA, “go to therapy you dafty”.

For a little over two years, you two fell into a good rhythm. A call every three weeks, him coming home and you becoming the safest space he’s ever had in his life.

Which is why when his personal cell phone begins to vibrate in his pocket during some fuck-all meeting, his eyebrows furrow. The number is unfamiliar, but the area code is not. Simon quietly excuses himself from the extended round table, taking his call outside of the meeting room. Price’s eyes follow his figure as he exits, noticing it’s his personal cell phone in his hand. Simon answers the call and presses his phone against his masked ear, muttering a low, “Hello?”

A high-pitched, soft yet serious voice filters through the speaker, a woman. “Hi, is this Mr. Riley?”

Simon pauses, and so does his heart. “Who’s asking?”

He honestly regrets asking that in the moment—one part of him genuinely wishes he never answered this call, and the other part of him is glad he did. “I’m a nurse from Northern Manchester Community Hospital, you’re written down as [Name]’s emergency contact. They’ve been a victim of a hit and run situation, sir. They’re alive, but they’re in the ICU.” The nausea that suddenly bubbles inside of his guys, the stomach acid mixed with whatever he had eaten previously, threatening to travel up his esophagus, burn every inch and then exit with a horrific sound. Simon’s head began to spin—he’s your emergency contact? A hit and run, you were fucking hit?? By what, a car? A pick-up? A semi? God, Simon has seen the most horrible, gruesome, fucked up shit you would ever see in his entire life, yet he isn’t sure if he can handle the image of you spread out in a hospital bed, with one too many tubes circulating around you. His mind plagues him with intrusive images, ones he never wants to actually see played out. Fuck, his head hurts. It feels like someone is physically shoving a knife into his chest and twisting it, like God is laughing at him and playing with Simon’s pain for his own gain. How could he not think that, especially with everything that has happened to him? His friends, his family? His old CO? The fucking abuse he endured??

It’s like Simon lost his hearing for a moment, because he cannot bare fucking losing you, too. There’s a vague ringing in his ears, almost like there was an explosion and he stood too close. And then suddenly every sound comes rushing back to his eardrums, and everything suddenly everything is so fucking overwhelming. “Mr. Riley?” The nurse calls over the phone, her tone laced with worry. He clears his throat and when he speaks, he sounds wrecked, which he fucking hates. “I.. I’ll come as soon as I can.” Simon hangs up, not giving the nurse a moment to speak. He drops his phone and if he doesn’t sit down, he’s going to fall over like a tree that’s been cut down. Simon lets out a shaky breath, trying to ignore the way his stomach is screaming and twisting as he puts a hand on the wall, and he crouches down. It’s the first time he doesn’t look around to see if anyone is watching his sudden display of emotion. When he’s suddenly rocked with the feeling of home at work, especially with the news that you’re fucking injured—he’s overwhelmed and twisted all over the place. Simon finds himself stumbling back to his barracks.

Price finds his way to him after Simon never returns to the meeting. He knocks on the door, but his knuckles pause before they can knock against the door for the third time as he discovers the door is open—which is very, very, odd. He slowly opens the door while calling for Ghost, and is met with the sight of Simon shoving some of his clothes and belongings into a duffle bag, as well as his military travel documents. “Ghost?” Price questions, who stopped in his doorway to watch Simon lose his mind while packing. Simon doesn’t respond as he practically rips his phone charger out of the wall and stuffs it into the bag, zipping it up. He slings it over his shoulder and he turns around, pausing when he sees Price. Simon’s eyes tell everything he’s feeling—that something’s happened, something bad, and he needs to leave. Price bites his lip and quietly exhales, his fingers rubbing at his chin. “I’ll approve your leave. Just shoot me a text of how long it needs to be, yeah?”

Simon makes sure to note to send Price a thank you of some sort, because within the next two hours, Simon is boarding a plane, heading for Manchester, wearing some black clothing, a jacket, a black face mask, gloves, and his beanie. The entire time, he could not stop thinking about you—and how you could possibly die before he got there to send off his final goodbyes. Is that something he would actually want to do, though? See you in the hospital, knowing it’ll be the last place you’d ever be alive in? Go home, see how you left the house exactly as you left it? A house, but without his home in it? Simon stares out the airplane window blankly, his hands curled into fists, and his nails would be digging into his palms if he didn’t have gloves on.

He couldn’t lose you. Not like this.

The next part for Simon, it’s a blur again. Got off the plane, got his luggage, provided documentation, blah blah blah—he didn’t give a fuck about any of it. His focus was you. He didn’t bother to stop home to drop his stuff off, he took an Uber straight to the hospital from the airport. It was a fairly expensive Uber too, but he could worry about the costs of everything later. It took another half hour to get there.

His heart began to hammer in his chest as the sight of the hospital’s signs began to pop up on the road, the anxiety taking hold in his stomach and his head begins to hurt again. Simon quietly thanks the driver, tips them, and exits the car with a swiftness once they pull up. Simon walks through the main entrance’s sliding doors, going up to the desk. A woman behind the counter hangs up the phone, murmuring a goodbye, and then she looks at Simon with her pretty blue eyes. “How can I help you, sir?” She murmurs sweetly, noting how anxious he is. She can see the sweat on his brow line. Simon clears his throat, his voice rumbling in his chest when he speaks. It takes everything in him to not yell at this innocent woman and get thrown out. “My.. My name is Mr. Riley, I was called ‘cause my friend is here,” Simon manages to push out. “[Name] [Last Name].” The woman turns to her computer and clicks the couple of buttons and types a couple of words and holy fuck, Simon just wants to go to your wing already—“Ah, yes, I see you’re listed as their emergency contact,” The woman grabs a sticky note and writes with a pink pen your room number and elevator floor, handing it to Simon. He barely gets a “thank you” out before he nearly jogs to the nearby elevator. Fourth floor, room 283. Fourth floor, room 283. Fourth floor, room 283—it’s the longest minute long elevator ride in his entire fucking life.

Simon changes face masks whilst facing the wall, and then he finds your room number—and his heart is beating out of his chest. There’s cops standing outside of your room who stop him from entering. Simon’s anger flares up so quickly, he nearly makes a scene until a doctor exits your room. She’s wearing her usual blue scrubs, her coat, and she’s dawning a N95 and some sterile gloves. She’s holding a clipboard. “Mr. Riley?” She questions, holding the clipboard close to her chest. Simon nods without hesitation, and she responds, “I’m sorry, but due to the nature of this case, you’ll have to provide some identification for me and these officers.”

Usually, Simon would hesitate—he gives anyone outside of his team the bare minimum, hell, he only introduced himself as SR until he knew you for a while. This time, he takes out his military ID and shows it to the officers. He ignores their looks of surprise, and ignores the murmurs that come from them. Simon puts his ID away and he holds back the urge to shove them out of the way as he glares down at the doctor on accident. “Come in,” The doctor opens the sliding door and steps into the hospital ICU room with him. Simon follows behind her and he immediately smells the sickening smell only the ICU gives off. There’s a small wall blocking his view from you that he hasn’t past, and he can already hear the machines working. A heart monitor, a ventilator, combined with other machines he doesn’t know too well. The doctor flips through the papers pinned to her clipboard. “They were hit by a vehicle of some sort, the scene suggested they were walking home from the local corner store. [Name] has multiple broken bones and fractures, a punctured lung, a fractured jaw and internal bleeding. They lost a lot of blood at the scene.” Simon doesn’t respond as he slowly walks forward, and he finally lays his eyes on you. It’s.. traumatizing, to say the least. You were never supposed to be in a hospital bed like this, hooked up to machines he can’t even name. He slowly walks over to you, dropping his duffel bag somewhere on the floor. He doesn’t care to look where. Simon barely pays attention to what the doctor is saying—his hands tremble as he stands by your side, his heart thumping harshly in his chest. Fuck.

He drags over one of the chairs next to your bed. Simon takes off one of his gloves slowly, and then he tears the other one off in a frenzy. He feels so unlike himself, so.. different.. human. He reaches over to your hand and his fingers grab your wrist, so gentle as if you’re glass. Simon presses his fingers against your pulse point, counting your heartbeats despite the monitor. The thumping under your skin makes it more.. real. Feeling you, your heartbeat, your warmth and your skin—it’s comforting. Simon clears his throat and fights the urge to vomit once a gain, watching your chest rise and fall, produced by the ventilator.

He moves his hand to intertwine with your fingers and he uses his other hand to feel your pulse. Simon closes his eyes, muttering the beats per minute under his breath.

At least you’re alive—you’re here, you’re alive, and you’re with him. And that’s all he asks for.

tags;; @alwaystired--neversleeping @handsomeunderwear-art @indefenseofkara @kaysav608 @1-is-loneliest-number @rosee-sensuelle @kitty-satan1 @k4marina @rahmown @royalty-purple @bowtruckleninja — if you are not tagged, it’s not allowing me :-)

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 2 part 3

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3])

agatha going UGH!!!!! when she sees jen's name. are you a toddler?? are you four????

"bougie probiotique" lmao

AGATHA

she's here she's queer she's gonna put an egg up her vajeer

sasheer zamata the glorious gay goddess that you are

"jen the potions guy" sounds amazing. I'd use that on my business cards

aaand once again I'm billy

I love that these two have clearly known and hated each other for centuries - sometimes you just see an enemy and immediately go, oh it's you motherfucker. and I think that's beautiful. (dear lord that store is so pink)

and once again: hilarious dialogue, heavy and dark undertones. jen has very, very legitimate reasons to hate and mistrust agatha, even more than she realizes. she will never open up to agatha like the others, and that's both fair and sexy of her. tbh she was too kind all things considered, that bitch deserved her ass kicked from here to the afterlife

case in point, agatha knows jen well enough to manipulate her into joining them. and jen knows agatha well enough to say what will hurt her. she picked the worst thing she could come up with

billy and the audience don't notice that agatha has just been stabbed in the heart

partners in crime, once again! agatha is so proud of her boy's lil manipulative side. and yep, billy is not as naive as he tries to appear. he's still a bit clueless, but he tries.

love how they're so deliberate in depicting the witches as a legit community with its own culture and history.

watch this scene again. now think about the rage and soul and desperation jen pours into winning her powers back from agatha. look at the way these two are being both so casual and so callous about jen's deep, bleeding trauma. not so funny a scene anymore, is it?

agatha shoving a fistful of paper in her mouth so she doesn't have to say rio's name also goes to the top five funniest list. she'll never beat the toddler allegations

and now she's gobbling a corn dog! see what I have to deal with here?? how can I keep it classy?

what's really iconic is bringing your gay son to hot topic

alice always looks a little hunched down, as if she had, idk, a giant disgusting harpy sitting on her shoulders. the more I think about it the sadder it gets

oooh, those are dorothy pigtails. i get it now.

you know, I said yesterday that agatha successfully cons jen and alice, but that's not true. she couldn't have swayed jen without billy's help, and she had alice completely wrong. she thought alice was looking for her mom, but Lorna didn't die on the Road and alice always knew it was a con - she's actually the world's biggest Road expert after agatha herself. seems like Agatha is pretty desperate and out of her depth without her mind reading powers. (wait, do we think billy is the one doing the mind reading, is that why he got to jen so easily?)

seeing her being so cruel with people's deep seated traumas is really upsetting me. especially considering how she guards her own trauma. feeling guilty afterwards is no justification, she knows exactly what she's doing.

these two need their own show. oh wait, they already have it.

but agatha saying "we don't need her" and then pushing people around in the mall - she is upset about what she just did to alice. and she's almost relieved she said no, that she gets to spare her. sweet, sad alice, so spiky on the outside, soft as a marshmallow on the inside. she did not deserve any of this. her death is entirely on agatha.

sighing and looking wistfully out of the window, she's in pain but determined to go on

meanwhile detective agnes is working hard to figure billy out, you can practically see the gears turning inside her head. I think at this point she already kind of knew, tbh. "I have a theory, but I need more."

aw

see you next for the ending of episode 2. and this time I'm giving a shoutout to @one-step-at-a-time25, who was having a lot of fun in the tags!

go to episode 2 part 4

[studentbyday]

week 1. a stuttering start.

i can't believe autumn is already approaching. i feel like i haven't done much to truly live on my own terms this year... (the majority of my time was spent either chained to my desk, living the studying hermit life as usual, or...and this is a new one for this era of my life, feeling like a child following the real adults around on my travels which @zzzzzestforlife documents way better tbh. the travels, that is...)

in addition i've been feeling very unmotivated and numb this school year. even more so than usual. i've never been as zesty as...well, Zesty when it comes to new school years, but it has slowly been getting worse since i started uni and i think i'm getting dangerously close to falling off some cliff i'll later realize was an important cliff to not fall off of. do you get what i mean? i'm only speaking vaguely because i myself do not quite know.

i oscillate between wanting to be extraordinary and extra ordinary. i have fallen back into bad habits, which do not set a good precedent. and overall i feel lost. so so lost that i started reading designing your life. and dulled by the isolation of school i can hardly focus. it's not a new problem, i've just finally been able to put words to it after all these years. engaging and/or cathartic verbal conversation brings me back to life, whether i'm listening or speaking, but i don't get enough of that in my daily life...this is just a very weird mundane state to be in. don't get me wrong, i was relieved to get back to this life with a very predictable pattern after the hectic-ness of travel, but something about it always felt off and i almost can't believe that only now i've realized why.

anyway, feelings pass. and i have overcome the jet lag, so i am that much more energized (and perhaps a little more desperate) to bulldoze through this problem.

Study:

Read/skimmed all the syllabi for anything new (much of it is the same year-to-year as they're all courses in the same faculty and i am resigned to the fact that there will be weighty group work in at least one course out of every year)

Caught up on course announcements

Finished microbiology module for this week (hmmm i read like half of this module last year when i attempted and then dropped this course so it wasn't the most interesting the second time around but i think it'll get better as i get to the new stuff and the nitty-gritty details 🔬 mwahahaha 🦠 i also decided last minute to make flashcards for these and had to transfer my notes to anki. i wish there weren't so many isolated facts or similar but distinct processes i need to remember.)

Made flashcards for half of this week's immunology content (seems to be a memorization-heavy course and i think i really need the active recall since i barely remember the pre-req info 😅 luckily they review it in the module... 🤭)

Reviewed some of the flashcards made this week

Worked on (but didn't finish) global health slides for this week (i'm...not entirely sure what i should be taking notes on or how because...this all seems either very common sense or kind of..."woo-woo" based on my way of understanding the world...but ig that's my own biases talking? i hope they'll just test us on the common sense stuff. that will be easier for my brain 🥴)

Around half of pathology slides are left from this week (probably the most work intensive course i'm taking rn based on the timeline 😵 but also it's shaping up to be my favorite subject this semester because the modules are so well designed AND it's large processes or, even if it's smaller concepts, they're all connected to each other so i don't need flashcards!...i think! i can just pull on the thread of memory and it all unspools (...ideally...)!)

Wrote down due dates for all assessments this semester

Other life things: (yeah idk what to call this section)

I became a 6AM girlie!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Unpacked

Washed my water bottle

Caught up with a friend 💗

Health:

Yoga x2

Journalled x2

Early morning walk in nature x1 (the air smelled so so fresh i was so glad i went out...and even gladder that i went out when i did because after that the air quality got super bad from wildfire smoke 🥺)

Pilates x1 (i made it! in 2 split sessions, but still! and i feel great!!! 😃 i'm so glad i found this channel because she explains the moves in a way that i can get it even with my bad coordination 😅 she also goes slowly and there is no annoying workout music so i can completely focus on the movements and how they feel, it's perfect. 😊)

Music in My Head:

Blue Danube Waltz (OG piano version)

Treat People With Kindness

On the Sunny Side of the Street

Hikaru Nara (the perfect song for my current ambivalent mood because the whole theme of the anime, which is reflected in the sound of this arrangement, is the need to reignite your spark for the things that mean something to you and make the absolute most of it because life is short)

a few dark academia playlists that i put on loop to study to (links under the cut) (somehow the ones with new age music are the only ones i can listen to...light/quiet enough that it doesn't interrupt my thoughts but intense and melodic enough that it puts me in the mood to focus 😅)

[cator99]

The conversation went like this: general pleasantries followed by her being like I'm so relieved you reached out to me because I really just want to have a more positive relationship with all of you guys and I know how annoying it is when a landlord isn't able to deal with things in a timely manner I get it I'm a renter too... i get the sense that, just as i had over-prepared for the conversation, she had over-prepared to apologize for the fact that the basement bathroom has a recurring leak issues that get patched up and then continue to cause issues meanwhile she's literally going through a divorce and has to keep postponing because she wants to be there when the repair dudes come to make sure they're doing their job properly but she has a big trial coming up and had to put it off by another week, it's really no big deal tbh... I assured her that she's been doing a fantastic job at staying on top of things and communicating with us oh my fucking god okay new girl is banging that fugly creepy white boy she keeps bringing over so god damn loud l cant wait for her to gtfo anyways yeah so we basically just spent 10 minutes getting on the same page like we good we good she just wants to make sure that everyone is chill in the house and we had a really good talk about what we all want from this but TLDR once we got down to business it went like this:

Me: Pins Girl is the problem

Her: omg slay I fucking hate her please go on

Me: yaaaas she fucking sucks here's some tea sis....

Her: ok work so I'm not crazy for being like maddd uncomfortable around her like one time this thing happened...

Me: omg lol no seriously she's vile here's another wild example related to your anecdote....

Her: no way bestie she did that to me too. Just 0 to 100 in an instant I didnt even know what to do just being accused of every -ism under the sun

Me: yeah no that's just kind of how things go with her you cant get so much as an innocent Hello in without her immediately labeling it a hostile attack

Her: yas okay good riddance so what's the deal with this new girl she's her friend should I be concerned

Me: oh girl.......... so, no not really she's a sweetheart and also– thank god– fully employed. Absolutelyyy messy as hell tho so that's one of my biggest concerns. I think it would be best if you didn't add her to the lease no shade but she's really not a great fit since we're all older and chill and clean af

Her: ...and the rest of the concerns? Oh my god do you think [PG] will try to move back in if we decline her friend???

Me: no wayy she wants OUT out she's already got a new place lined up and her shit in boxes at the door waiting to be hauled off forever

Her: omg like. Far? Like is she moving far? Please tell me she's moving sooo far

Me: yes lmao dont even worry I dont know the exacts but it's nowhere even near here

Her: okay slayyyyy thank you for being dope as hell it's such a relief that this crazy person is gone so we can all just chilllll

Me: okay so about that

Her: ohhh no

Me: yes so you already know what we're dealing with. You know how she deemed me unworthy of being on speaking terms with her? I didn't mind that at all and really just kept tf to myself. Then suddenly she moves in this friend of hers and I just assumed this was done with some sort of approval from you, because that would be the normal thing to do.

Her: okay that's kind of wack, do you guys not like get a vote on these sorts of things

Me: I stayed out of it plus like I'm really not gonna start questioning her and risk putting myself in the line of fire and everyone is pretty much in that position as well

Her: omg no fr...

Me: so like I just kept to myself and my work without thinking about it... then I find out she was living here totally off the record when PG sent that email requesting that she be added to the lease. That's when the conversation opened up. And listen this new girl is super young super naive didnt realize that she was even doing anything wrong and then suddenly everyone's totally freaking out and realizing that this goes against the lease agreement and that if you find out, our ability to live here is jeopardized. She got us into hot water and then just... left us to deal with the consequences.

Her: she's still legally bound by the lease until it changes so if anything goes wrong she wont be escaping accountability no matter how many -isms she throws at me. I want this to work for all of us and we got this trust thang between us and I wouldn't evict you guys omg evictions are seriously sooo annoying and *most* of you have been great tenants especially (names everyone except for the unemployed ftm) they're all super chill and mature and we've had great conversations so yeah I'm just glad she's gone

Me: incredible yaas I love honesty. She has been actively impeding our ability to have a productive working relationship with you and each other it's so crazy

Her: literallyyyy😁🥂🔥yipeee

Me: yippee yaaaaay yay 😇☝️💯

Her: okay so my game plan is to interview the new girl irl like no zoom bs I really wanna read her vibes and decide if this is worth it... I'll give her a chance but if that doesn't work out... I mean... tee hee..... the yearly house inspection is coming up...

Me: ok that's so dope. She's gonna be moving upstairs once PG vacates so its gonna be pretty hard to hide the fact someone's right there even just doing a quick walk-through

Her: yeah so if things don't go well and I decide against putting her on the lease and they still don't admit to having her there then at least I can talk to them about it when the inspection happens and be chill about it and pretend like I totally had no idea. We can work something out as long as everything is good you know what I mean... okay if you need anything at all dont even hesitate to give me a call

Me: absolutely and if I have any updates I'll let you know ASAP, lmk if you need anything srsly I dont want to cause you any more stress like from what i understand you've had a stressful enough year

Her: yes good lord i have, thank you for being considerate..... seriously it's been hellish and this conversation has been such a relief

etc etc obviously the conversation was longer and more thorough but you get the gist. She's awesome. We hung up and I skipped my way to the grocery store

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 158 spoilers and thoughts but mostly it's just me laughing my ass off and also speculating on what happens, im still working on the novel but ill finish it soon trust <- has like ten billion different things she wants to do at the same time

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ARCOS AND MARBELLA IN THIS PANEL WAS ME FOR MOST IF NOT ALL OF THIS CHAPTER HELPPP LMFAOAOOO

javier you absolute fiend you ,,, you've learned so much,,, /aff

i figured that javier would tell them at least a semi-truth, or something like that to tide over the count/countess,,, their expressions here made me so worried for a moment,,,

LIKE THESE UUAGHGHHGHGHHHH that kind of anticipation is terrifying tbh like "has our son been dead this whole time, have we been living w someone else??" and the imminent grief looming over that thought i think got translated really well here the blank irises and the shadowed face im so ,,,, ueueueueueue

AND THEN TO GET HIT WITH THIS

HELP MEEEE HAHAHAHA BRAZEN JAVIER ROBOFACED JAVIER ITS REAL HES REAL LMFAOAOOOOO

OF ALL THE THINGS JAVIER COULD HAVE DONE TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION HE DECIDED TO EMULATE LLOYD I GIGGLED SO BAD I STARTED COUGHING

AND THE FULL COMMITMENT TOO TO THE BIT AND MAKING IT SEEM LIKE HE'S MORE FOULMOUTHED THAN HE LETS ON . AND SINCE JAVIER IS NORMALLY SO DEADPAN IT JUST. WORKS I GUESS HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS CRAZY

insane genuinely fucking insane i couldn't stop laughing HAHAHAHAA like this is completely absurd but the fact that it's coming from javier, someone who the count and countess completely trust at the moment, someone who's been by lloyd's side this whole time,,, PELASE HAHAHFHADHFDHSHAHA

the count and countess reacting too got me giggling a storm HAHA

also also early webtoon lloyd makes an appearance again i think it's really fun that the artist gives him the hairstyle from back then, before they changed his hairstyle heehee

oh his undershirt is also missing that X that's usually there in the current tged style too i didnt notice that at first but another little callback!!!

AND THEN JAVIER FINISHING OFF THE BIT WITH. SEPPUKU??? WHAT THE HELL ALDKFJLSDKJF ?!?!?!

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THIS LIKE HE DIDNT HAVE TO but i guess it did kind of knock the count/countess out of their stupor bc by seeing something so insane from javier they think javier rlly regrets giving lloyd BRAIN DAMAGE LAKJDFSHDF FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGE

i did see some ppl say that its kind of odd that they thank javier for this and thats fair yeah i dont think id be ok w finding out "oh one of my loved ones gave another one of my loved ones MEMORY LOSS"

but i think it could be that they're relieved to find out (or are inclined to believe) that their lloyd is "still alive" - he's just changed, not dead (except he is dead, so javier succeeded in fooling them without telling very severe lies)

honestly with how their expressions were they were probably expecting the worst, esp w all the evidence stacked against lloyd. can u imagine that despair, realizing that the person you've finally come to love is not the person you thought they were?? that the person you thought you had a second chance with, wasn't that person at all? i bet all those regrets were washing over the count and countess all at once,,, and then the relief that comes when it's revealed (when they're lead to believe) that no, it's the same person. this second chance was with the same lloyd, not someone else. that's still their son. oooooh imagine the relief, the realization that you don't have to mourn, you don't have to grieve for a death that happened under your nose

i think that's why they reacted this way, instead of worrying over javier wacking lloyd upside the head; like, what matters now is that lloyd frontera is alive (to them) and that both lloyd and javier have grown and changed themselves and the estate for the better. that the child and the knight they raised have a bright future and isn't that what any parent wants?

tho ofc they dont realize that their assumption is not the truth, but well they dont need to know that,,, for everyones sakes,,, nice play javier

when lloyd shows up and we saw this panel i thought we were gonna have a nice moment between the two of them where lloyd thanks javier for covering for him and hiding the truth but then-

THESE TWO FUCKING IDIOTS HAHAHAHAHAHA /AFF

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEYRE SO DEVIOUS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

and then lloyds conversation with the count/countess after PLEASE

yknow this is kind of like that bargaining strategy where you propose something completely absurd and crazy so that the other party says no, but then you offer your real request that is objectively tasking but the other party thinks of it as lesser than the former request so they'll grant it . whatever the heck that strat is called thats what this feels like HAHAHAHA

AND ARCOS TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR LLOYD AND

AHFGSDLJKFSDGHH THRTHOWS UP

lloyd says "all i need is for you to stay healthy" and god that fucking. hurts ouw ouuuhhh owiee oww BUDDY U CAN HAVE BOTH U CAN PROTECT UR FAMILY WHILE ALSO RELYING ON THEM!!! LLOYD!!! LLLOOOYYYDDD

and yet of course this is smth that suho!lloyd would say ,,, he wasnt able to help his parents w their struggles back then but now he can and now it's all he wants to do ,,, i cant even explain how emo this exchange makes me i can't quite put it into words even after a whole day of sitting on this,,, especially after the events of 157 like lloyd im worried abt u!! he doesnt even realize he doesnt even realize the overwork the possible spiral that can come from trying to preserve this aghhh AAGGHHH

sorry for losing it anyways moving on, the title effects linking yippie!!! it was super fun seeing all the teams and all the people he's brought together,,, truly this was our greatest estate development /j

ALSO JAVIER BEING BY HIMSELF ON A TEAM LMFAOOOO "the team that does everything" HAHAHAHAHA

AND THEN AND THEN the last reveal of this episode THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN HELLO!@?!?!??!@?!?@?!@! OH MY GOD

raphael looks a litte different here i could've sworn he was a turtle /j

BUT YEAH HOLY SHIT WOW i mean it makes sense, if theres a hell theres probably a heaven, and there was that line that javier said where he was like "alicia liking lloyd is more ridiculous than suho actually being an archangel" MAN I SHOULDA SEEN THIS COMING LMAO but im still excited to see where this goes

like the jewel of truth construction being ILLEGAL? what r they gonna do??? like,,, take the parts away?!?! how will lloyd avoid their like, divine punishment or whatever?? is it considered a crime to start mythical construction??? i wonder what their ruling will be

also the exiled student guy (forgot his name) and lupellan what r they up to will this interfere w them?? or with lloyd? a lot of stuff lined up oh GOD lmao

anyways thats all for right now, as always i yap more on my twitter if youd like to see more shenanigans from me, see yall next week!! !!!!

[qoldenskies]

Raph’s jealousy over Donnie not letting him near kind of reminds me of Donnie’s frustration in the second chapter of CU. Tbh I use your characterization of him as a point of reference for your works because it feels there most representative of your understanding of Donnie’s deep-seated feelings and motivations. For Raph and Donnie it kinda feels like they both fall apart over not being able to fulfill their role, or do their job, and honestly it’s kinda killing me ngl!!!

YESSSSSSSS i looove them being similar like that,,, especially for both of their cases (but more intensely with raph) the roles they play into are ones that can be EXHAUSTING and really grate on them. donnie genuinely enjoys tech and its a passion he puts so much time, focus and care into but its apparent by episodes like donnie's gifts and (the beginning of) mind meld that sometimes he feels so overworked and underappreciated. with raph its been confirmed he was RELIEVED for the weight of leadership to be taken off his shoulders, he really did want leo to succeed and didn't feel envious of him at all- i think the key difference between him and donnie is that donnie would NEVER be able to lose his really clearly-defined place without feeling like he has fundamentally failed as a person. in coming undone i actually do a lot of parallels to anatawa hitorijanai (i use the trust fall as a metaphor and even use the "why cant i do this?" line,,) because its essentially the same realization, that there's so much on donnie's shoulders because he's the only one who can and he's failing because there's so much pressure, and they need to take it off him for a while because he's been working so hard for them. i have a sequel oneshot planned for coming undone im putting on the backburner for cc that features raph heavily and i have aaaalsooo considered expanding on the concept to play around with the parallel more I LOVE BRAINS AND BRAWN I WILL NEVER STOP

anyways with raph in canary continuity i still think in the end it's a coping mechanism, and raph feels better taking care of people and that's been stripped away from him. this isn't the same as the leadership switch that still caused some issues in the dynamic but ultimately took so much off his shoulders (especially post-invasion when him and leo got it worked out), this was a sudden and violent upheaval of his role in the family (with donnie, at least), something that preyed on his deepest insecurities about it because he's always felt so unprepared with no one to turn to. of course he's going to feel envious of his dad just walking into the family dynamic again and stealing this away from him. one of his little brothers, the one he hurt so fucking horribly over the course of three months, is clinging to their dad like he'd been there the whole time while being unable to hear raph's name. maybe before all of this happened, raph wanted dad's presence to take off some of the pressure. now that he has it, he's jealous, and he feels horrible for being jealous, and for making it about him because he's denying the depths of how much the curse traumatized HIM. (and with everything going on i dont think raph knows just how deep the desperation donnie has for his dad's protection and approval goes. it just feels so personal for him right now.)

[gaybd1]

you know i’ve gotta ask about zukki hcs

YES okay LISTEN

Zuko is the Fire Lord, Sokka is the Water Tribe Ambassador, Suki came with the Kyoshi warriors to guard Zuko against assassins blablabla but all that drama is pretty much over, why are they still here??? Nobody Knows (suki does)

Sokka and Sukki are dating and obnoxious af about it. It’s cute. It’s whatever. Zuko tries to ignore it. Good for Sokka.

Anyway in the middle of all of this Sokka and Zuko DO start exploring/figuring out this Weird Thing between them. Like they both become very open to the idea of—

OH NO SOKKA HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED (or gone missing or something equally tragic)

Suki is a WRECK but also like super strong super powerful but she sees that Zuko is a wreck too but why??? Omg Suki helps Zuko realize he’s in love with Sokka

It should be awkward right but they’re both so worried that they start spending a ton of time together and crying together and sleeping together totally platonically for comfort

When they find Sokka, Suki and Zuko are so relieved that they…. Kiss? And Suki is like “Aw fuck oops but I’m with Sokka” and Zuko is like “aw fuck sorry but I’m gay and also very in love with Sokka” but actually it’s… not a bad kiss???

Things just kind of fall into place with the three of them after that.

But it’s the biggest secret at first because it would be just really confusing to certain people but ALSO it’s really fun to fuck w the people who can’t figure out what’s going on lolol

Anyway eventually people find out and the other Kyoshi warriors like make sure everyone’s cool with it lol

But yeah so they live happily ever after and also THEY HAVE IZUMI TOGETHER (Suki carried her and nobody really knows or cares who made her tbh. I mean we find out it was Zuko lol bc she can firebend but it hardly matters to her parents)

Anyway omg I swear I intended this to beast a collection of fun loose headcanons but uh here’s an entire narrative I guess lol

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

180 for zombies! The chapter may end sooner than that tbh. We shall see:

---

Nothing happens for another day. Everyone needs time to rest. Maddie spends a good amount of it sleeping and eating and enjoying such luxuries as a shower. Eddie keeps to himself mostly. He spends time with his son, reading books and watching movies on the old DVD player they showed him how to use. Down time they haven’t got to have in a while, Buck imagines. Athena stays vigil at her daughter’s bedside. It takes another night before anyone makes any kind of headway. 

It’s Eddie who shakes things up. 

He does it in the early afternoon, when Buck is showing Maddie his fishing net set up on the beach. 

“I did all the research and I built them myself,” he tells her proudly. “I maintain them. I’m the protein guy!” 

“This is actually really impressive,” Maddie admits, looking out at what he’s done. “I knew you’d find a way to use that big brain of yours for good one day.”

He shrugs. “Bet you didn’t think it’d be for sourcing food in an apocalypse.”

Maddie emits a small huff of laughter. “You’ve got me there.”

Maddie is dipping her toes into the Pacific, looking more relaxed than he thinks he ever saw her in Hershey as an adult. Buck is happy to see her look at ease, after all he’s been through. He feels like he’s looking at a happy memory she never actually got to make. He only turns away because he hears someone walking down the wooden stairs from the road to the beach. 

He turns to see Eddie making his way towards them, looking somewhat sheepish. Like he knows he’s interrupting a nice moment. 

He looks pretty in the warm sunlight. 

Wait.

What?

Why did Buck think that? 

He looks fine. Better than average, even. That’s all.

“Eddie!” Buck calls out, simply to shut up his internal monologue. “What’s up, man?”

Maddie turns to look at him.

“Oh! Hi, Eddie!”

“Hey,” Eddie says, crossing the sand to get them. “Got a minute to talk?”

Oh. So here it comes then. He’s going to ask Maddie. 

“You need me to go?” Buck asks. 

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “Actually, I want to talk to both of you. If that’s okay.” 

“Oh,” Buck mumbles.

“Sure,” Maddie says. 

Buck doesn’t know what he has to do with it, but his curiosity is piqued. 

Eddie takes a deep breath. “I have to go. I can’t stay here much longer.”

“Looking for your wife?” Maddie guesses.

He nods. “I think I’ll hit the road tomorrow morning.”

“I understand,” Maddie says. “You have questions you need answered.”

“Right,” Eddie agrees. “Uh… But I’m going into the city. Los Angeles. And I don’t think it’s safe to bring my son.”

“Oh,” Maddie says. She must realize where this is going.

“I know we don’t know each other very well,” Eddie leads in. “But, Maddie, Christopher trusts you. He likes you. The two of you are, uh, obviously good people. I was hoping… Maybe you’d take care of him for me, until I get back?”

Maddie sucks in a sharp breath. Buck tries not to react at all. Eddie knows he knows already, knows what he thinks about it. 

“Wow,” she says. 

“I know it’s a lot to ask,” Eddie adds quickly. “Unfair of me, really. But I don’t know what else to do, Maddie. I can’t risk him.”

“Eddie, of course,” Maddie says. “I’m not going to ask you to risk him. If it’s allowed, here, of course I’ll do it.”

Eddie sighs, relieved. “Thank you, Maddie. Thank you so much.”

“I can’t imagine anyone will turn Christopher away,” Buck says, thinking of their conversation yesterday. “We’re not like that.”

Eddie nods. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Eddie,” Maddie says. “I’ll do what I can for him. And Los Angeles isn’t that far away. You’ll be back before too long, I’m sure.”

“That’s the plan,” Eddie agrees. “But…”

“But what?” Maddie asks. 

“I have to be realistic,” Eddie says. “Plan for the worst.”

“That you don’t find her?” Maddie guesses. 

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “That I die.”

Buck feels nauseous all of a sudden. 

“Eddie…” Maddie trails off.

“Listen, obviously I’ll do everything I can…”

“I know,” Maddie mutters. “We both know what it’s like out there.”

Buck realizes he doesn’t. Not completely. He’s always been mostly safe. 

Eddie looks at Buck. “That’s where I need a favor.”

“Uh, from me?” Buck asks. 

Eddie nods. “You’re the guy with the radio, right?”

“I was,” Buck mumbles. 

“Are you able to switch your transmission?” Eddie asks. “If I die, if I don’t come back after a certain amount of time, maybe you could try to get a message to my sisters. His aunts.”

Buck makes an uncomfortable sound in his throat.

“Uh, the radio was confiscated. It… Well, it wasn’t allowed, per say. Advertising our position and all.”

“Oh,” Eddie deflates a little. 

“Yeah, I don’t have it anymore.” Buck admits. “And it’s only good for five hundred miles. You’re from Texas, right?”

Eddie nods. “My sisters went northeast. It wouldn’t reach them.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck says. 

Eddie looks a little crestfallen, but as though he’s trying to hide it. Buck feels a wave of guilt. Which is ridiculous. None of this is his fault. But… But he still doesn’t want this guy to die. He doesn’t want him to die and have no one know about it. He seems like a good man. A good father. Plus, he saved Maddie. Maddie might not think that means Buck owes him his life, but he’s wrong. Maddie raised him in all the ways that mattered. She gave him his freedom. She’s the reason he’s here, alive, when so many others are dead. And she’s his favorite person in the world. Buck does owe Eddie for saving her. 

“I’ll do you one better,” Buck says.

“Like what?” Eddie asks. 

“I’ll come with you.” 

“What?” Maddie and Eddie respond in unison. Though, Maddie’s is more of a yelp. 

“I’m a good shot. Healthy and fit. A good driver. I was a first responder, I can handle pressure.” Buck explains. “I can have your back out there. Maybe be the difference between needing to send that radio transmission or not.”

“You just got your sister back, man.” Eddie reminds him.

“And like you both said, Los Angeles isn’t very far away,” he replies. He looks at Maddie. “You’ll make sure Christopher is safe here, and I’ll help Eddie find his wife.”

“Evan…” Maddie winces. “I don’t know.”

[allthelittlecreepycrawlies]

Tonight in "Things I Will Probably Never Write!" it's a yokai AU based on the new official merch art (that finally gave us Nies).

----------

Huaisang grows up very much not wanting to be an ox yokai. Everybody knows he's never gonna be as strong and intimidating as his father and brother, so they have no qualms making fun of the "slow, stupid cow" to his face.

His brother's not much help because Mingjue is solidly in the "ignore it or beat the mockery out of them" camp, and gets mad about Huaisang disrespecting their family if he ever voices his hopes that he's mortal like his mother (supposedly was).

When his horns and tail start growing in, fully cementing him as an ox, Huaisang is inconsolable (and in a lot of pain, tbh). Mingjue is caught between mad that he's taking it so hard and worried because his health has never been great and the transformation might genuinely be fucking him up. He spends most of the transformation period in the worried stage, but when it ends and Huaisang's still alive, he slides over into the mad stage because Huaisang is still distraught and attempts to hide his new demonic appendages.

So they're already constantly at each other's throats over their heritage when Meng Yao enters the picture.

---

Meng Shi was a mirror who ascended into a yokai, and Meng Yao winds up taking after her rather than his father.

He's very precocious, too, developing his first soul mirror, a tiny compact, at a very young age, and Meng Shi is both impressed (her clever boy!) and relieved (a compact is very easy to hide and protect).

As he gets older, he refines his mirror into more elaborate shapes, but he hits a bottleneck when he's fourteen, because he's already reached the point where he'll have to start binding other souls if he's going to improve.

Meng Shi worries, because while she had tethered some of her long-term clients to her own mirror, the general atmosphere of the brothel meant she couldn't have many or tether them too tightly, and most of them were mortal besides.

If her son is going to survive the weakness that is slowly killing her, he needs to get out in the world and start finding other yokai to snare.

So, knowing that it will be the last time she'll see him because her power will run out and her "human" form will fade before the time limit's up, she directs him to spend five years finding yokai souls to tether.

He suspects what she's up to and doesn't want to leave her, but he is a dutiful boy, so he goes.

Naturally, his first instinct is to look into his father's clan, though, on his mother's orders, he's careful to hide what kind of yokai he is.

It goes badly. Very badly.

He winds up being picked up (literally) from the stairs by the visiting Nies after Huaisang saw him fall (and almost shatter!). As they help him to a local healer, he secretly checks his mirror, both to make sure it's still holding up and to see if it will let him glean any more useful information about his rescuers.

He is very surprised when Huaisang's reflection doesn't show an ox, like his brother.

It shows a bird.

---

After he's been handed over to a healer, he winds up eavesdropping on what sounds like a very old argument between the brothers, because just before the stairs incident, Mingjue had caught Huaisang trying to hide his horns and tail again.

And Meng Yao, being very well-read and very good at putting pieces together, realizes he's stumbled on an exceptionally rare opportunity.

Yokai whose types became misaligned across incarnations, like… say… a bird soul being born to an ox body, are a particularly potent power source for mirror yokai, both because the clash between soul and body constantly leaks power, and because their dysphoria and misery make them easy to snare.

More than that, Meng Yao could even take the risk to seal Huaisang away within the mirror itself, rather than having to rely on the tenuous tethers his mother used, because if even half of what Mingjue snaps at his younger brother is true, Huaisang going missing won't be an actual problem.

It would be a win for everyone, really. Inside the mirror's little pocket dimension, Huaisang can live as the species he should have been, Mingjue will no longer have to deal with such an inadequate heir, and Meng Yao will have a permanent companion and an almost endless power supply to further his growth.

He just has to arrange the right moment to make his move.

[1eoness]

hi! could i request something fluffy? maybe leon spoiling reader with some meal, or cuddles? thanks! ❤️

mentioning meals I AM THE REMINDER TO GO GET A SNACK AND REJUVENATE

and yes ofc i love writing fluffy fluffy hehehehe (im kind of uncreative rn so sorry). btw i'm writing this in the same format as the other one but if you want it to be more structured and narrative just uh tell me LOL

content : fluffy leon kennedy x gender neutral!reader (it's written in second person though). pet names lol

synopsis : leon wants to spoil you so he's feeding you and providing you with an army's ware of cuddles >:)

-food is fuel and leon is a fucking engine

-tbh i hc that leon has a big appetite for sweet stuff,,,, i'm sure a big collective of ppl agree bc he's so squishy squishy [what the fuck am i saying idk]

-anyway enough about me gushing on leon.

-YOU. when will you ever take the time to let him spoil you? are you trying to avoid him?:((

-leon is part kidding. he's not mad ofc but sometimes he can't help but get a tiny bit worried about you sometimes.

-see, leon is a firm believer that a person cannot come to their best senses unless their basic/psychological needs are fulfilled. that includes things like eating, or affection—because when your body senses that you're lacking in something, it will use your brain power to signal you that you need to eat or be smothered with affection! hence you can end up feeling burnt out if u dont pay attention to ur love vitals!! >:(

-leon's mindset will always be applied on you because you're his second heart, you're his tough rock and you need to be taken care of!!

-HE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING "affection? that's absurd people can still learn attentively and work efficiently without having to be coddled >:(" while yes in a sense its true—but sometimes you just don't realize that what you need is some time to be vulnerable and intimate, which can explain why your emotions feel a lot more heightened recently than usual (which he notices by the way). you've been tense for a while, and leon reasons that you can't just 'move on' from being overwhelmed with work stress and whatnot—you have to relieve it! but enough about theory.

-your hunger for food or affection is like a 7th sense to leon to be honest. while it's not an accurate intuition everytime, he's bound to think of you once every like two minutes.

-leon actually has very clear and high critical thinking skills. this means he is able to remember a lot of things about you even if he only notices them or you mention it once: this includes your comfort drink, where you like to be touched, hell maybe even the MBTI of your favorite character. and he ESPECIALLY knows what food you like. pad thai, sushi, oxtail, jerk chicken, cake, boba, YOU NAME IT HE KNOWS IF YOU LOVE IT OR NOT

-so when it actually came to asking you what you wanted, he'd send a text saying he's downtown and asking you 'what would you like, baby?'. he's careful with his words and doesn't say "do you want me to get you something on the way?" because it means he's giving you a choice >:( when the whole point is to spoil you because you deserve it.

-and if you answer with something vague like 'anything' HE DOESN'T MAKE YOU SPEAK FURTHER he'll just buy what he knows u like and keep the rest in the fridge if you dont wanna eat it :3 well that's what they're for, right?

"oh, my sweet.." his voice was quaint at the sight of you. leon tried his best to be silent when he entered the room, not wanting to sound like he was pitying you, but seeing you half-covered with comforters, mildly upset and your mind in a frazzle has his heart dropping a bit. you were probably thinking about so many things: meeting some deadlines, picking up this and that from the store, computing this... but you just couldn't organize your thoughts. but that's why leon was here.

your head moved to swivel his direction. "leon.." you smile at him weakly.

it was cold in the city tonight. leon places a hefty white plastic bag of your favorite on the nearby surface before he sits down in front of you from the edge of your bed. he takes the brief second of studying his lover's face before he pulls you into a comforting and warm hug. he can't help but pat the back of his sweet baby's head down, and you feel his lips barely nuzzle onto your ear as he mutters. "y're so good to me, baby. you know that?" leon reminds you before kissing the side of your head shortly. you tried to reciprocate it by giving him a nimble kiss on his cheek, which he gratefully accepts with an eager beam on his lips.

his hands slide down your arms in a soft stroke as he lets go of you gently. the rustling of the bed's layers being heard as leon moves a bit to reach for the hefty boxes of food, which he opens for you once he gives you take your utensil/s. leon's happy seeing you eat. it's a form of reassurance to him personally witnessing you getting the fill you deserve after a whole few days of being so busy and rushing everywhere. it's a calming sense to him as you both soak in comfortable silence while he watches you eat. he was caring less that it's 2 in the morning and caring more about the way the color on your face slowly vibrates back onto your features. you seem less tired, just by a tad percentage. it makes him smile to himself knowing he was able to take care of you. " 'm finished." you mumbled with a hum, feeling a little full and having to lie down. fullness makes you sleepy (and leon knows that!) so he has a subtle, cheeky little grin as he leans over and collects your legs with one arm, pulling you to make you lie on your back. he crawls over to lie down next to you, once again pulling you close to him while he wraps his arms around you— one patting and planted gently on your back while the other cradles your head close to his heart. just where you belong... "you tired, baby?" leon asked shortly and your little nod sufficed. his cheek gently rests against the side of the crown of your head. his touch is soft, it's sweet as he rubs and scratches down your back gently. he gently scruffles at your scalp with his other hand's fingertips, and the motions will send you to a hopefully revitalizing sleep ♡. he places a kiss on the top of your head, like a ribbon keeping its gift from falling apart :( he knows at this moment maybe you're thinking you don't deserve him. but that's so far from the truth.

[gabessquishytum]

💄 Anon's Winged Creature!Dream idea has me S C R E A M I N G so how about this?

Hob has been hiking a good way out from his town since he was about 10, and it's not because he likes the exercise. It's because he's been watching the winged creatures fly since he was a boy. He carries a sketchbook with him and draws them whenever he sees them.

He thinks they're all beautiful, but it's the one that mostly keeps to himself that Hob is smitten with; the galaxies in his black wings coupled with his pale skin certainly make him the most beautiful in Hob's eyes.

One day, while Hob is sketching the beautiful creature (he has an entire sketchbook dedicated to him), Hob hears a gun go off and sees the beautiful creature go down. Hob is... not okay.

It takes him about a week to track down the fucker (Burgess, obviously) that shot and abducted his beautiful, winged Dream. When Hob finds him, all hell breaks loose and he has no mercy.

However, his beautiful Dream is injured and has clearly been raped, repeatedly, by Burgess, so Hob takes him to a cabin near where he flies to nurse him back to health. Dream thinks Hob has the same plans as Burgess and is surprised by how gentle Hob is, how he doesn't touch him more than necessary.

Hob did a TON of research about birds and feathers in order to help, and he takes very good care of his Dream's wings. He has no idea that the gentle preening and cleaning is driving Dream crazy with arousal until Dream cums the first time. Hob is startled, Dream is embarrassed.

After that, Hob doesn't touch his wings, instead giving him a brush so Dream can clean them himself; Dream is kind of disappointed but mostly relieved.

As time passes and Dream heals, his wings start to look worse, and Hob realizes that his Dream can't take care of them completely by himself. He offers to help, and Dream lets him. He doesn't hide how much it affects him, whimpering and moaning eagerly at every touch; Hob tries not to let the sounds affect him, but he's only human; he often jerks off when he's alone after preening his Dream's wings.

One day, when Hob is helping him, Dream notices how affected Hob is and is eager to 'help' in return. At this point, he knows Hob won't hurt him and that Hob fully plans on letting Dream go when he's healed enough so he's eager to make Hob feel as good as Hob makes him feel. After all, Dream cums multiple times while Hob is taking care of his wings every day, it's only fair that his savior gets to cum as well 😉 He's also rather curious about how different Hob is from other humans.

- 🐺

Winged Dream is truly the most galaxy brained concept and I am so glad that 💄 anon brought it up!! And of course this is a perfect rescue scenario to think about <3

Dream’s wings are huge - they have to be, to keep him airborne. But his body itself is so fragile. I’m thinking hollow bones? So Burgess finds it easy to hurt him, and by the time Hob rescues him, Dream is in a bad shape. It’ll take a long time for him to recover, and he’s going to end up with nasty scars. Poor Dream is a very vain creature (all of his species are tbh) and with his body scarred, his wings suffering, and his mind utterly traumatised by his capture… he thinks that he’s totally unlovable, now.

So Hob’s arousal kind of surprises him. He expects the human to be disgusted, but he’s always telling Dream how beautiful he is, and Dream can hear him on the other side of cabin jerking off after he tends to Dream’s wings… it’s very confusing. Could Hob really find him desirable, despite his ruined body and scarred mind?

Dream gently tests the waters. He starts preening himself more, making the feathers he can reach really shine. He uses the mirror in the cabin to check himself out. He’s more communicative, more interested in Hob’s conversations. He starts initiating touch, not just putting up with it. And Hob is delighted to see him making so much progress! He rewards Dream with more touch, more attention, always gentle and careful. He coaxes Dream into processing some of what happened during his capture. Before Dream knows it, he’s genuinely… recovering? The multiple orgasms each day are probably helping a bit.

Hob is tending to Dream out of love and compassion, sure. But after months and months, when Dream finally crawls into bed with him and wraps them together in his beautiful wings… it feels like a pretty wonderful reward. Especially when those wings just happen to glide and slide a few primary feathers right into Hob’s underwear…

[butterflydm]

wot rewatch 1x2: shadow's waiting

Continuing my pre-s2 rewatch with the second episode, Shadow's Waiting. <3

spoilers for all of season one plus through The Fires of Heaven in the book series

The way the Whitecloaks are set up here does feel like Rafe & co were pulling a lot from how they were portrayed in New Spring, where the newly-raised Sisters get warned that an arrow in the back kills Aes Sedai as easily as anyone else. But this cold-open is brutal and also sets up the stakes for Moiraine later in the episode - this is the kind of death she would get from Valda if he were able.

Valda's special bird breakfast was a gift from the "Lord" to congratulate him on his "victory". Which Lord? Presumably not Bornhald, given the way he behaves around Valda later. The victory is, presumably, the capture of this poor Yellow Ajah Sister.

Since I was recently thinking about forkroot in my story... I wonder if it'll get introduced via the Whitecloaks in the show. Ronde was a Yellow's eyes-and-ears in Amadicia (Whitecloak country). But I don't think the Whitecloaks have forkroot yet, or he would have just dosed Egwene with it when he has her prisoner.

I love the credits sequence so much. <3

The scenery is just so gorgeous.

It makes a lot of sense that the kiddos don't challenge Moiraine until after they've both a. reached a measure of safety by being on the other side of the river and b. saw what happened with the ferry. They are village kids and the ruthless calculus of war is not something they've had to think about in their lives. Of course they'll think "there had to be a better way".

So now all the kids have a chance to breathe and to actually think. Rand wants a plan so that they can try to keep each other safe if that stops being a priority of Moiraine's -- and that is a worry of his that kinda does get proven true at the end of the season when the Red Ajah is sent after Mat by Moiraine.

Poor Rand is also very much not ready to think about one of them being the Dragon especially because, well, he's already suspecting that it would be him and desperately not wanting it to be.

And Egwene is already embracing the idea that maybe it is one of them, so maybe they can help save people.

Mat trying to break the tension and play peacemaker.

Here is where we get the difference between Egwene and the others -- it isn't that they doubt Moiraine and she doesn't, it's that Egwene gets an explanation when she expresses her doubts to Moiraine during their nighttime conversation. Moiraine actually walks Egwene through her thought process here so that Egwene will understand why she made the choices that she did.

Moiraine's explanation of the Oaths also puts Valda's "victory" from the cold open into perspective -- unless she knew her life was in imminent danger, that Yellow Aes Sedai could not use the One Power against Valda. Some "victory".

Moiraine must have been so relieved when she realized that Egwene can channel. It made it that much more likely that they were lucky enough to have the Dragon reborn as someone who would not fall to the corruption. Like, I 100% understand why Moiraine wants Egwene to be TDR but, in her eagerness to have the less dangerous choice as the Dragon, she treated the qualms of the boys too carelessly and dismissively. They all deserved the explanation that she was willing to give Egwene.

Poor Rand. Poor Egwene. I understand both sides of this -- Egwene was seeking familiar comfort but... you literally JUST broke up with him. Rand is not being an "asshole" to want some space.

Moiraine is demanding information but not giving them sufficient answers when Rand tries to press her in return. And tbh I think part of Egwene's anger here is because Rand rejected her last night and she's hurt over it. But Mat is the one who is able to talk Rand down and get him to play ball.

Once again, how similarly Rand and Egwene are costumed really stands out -- brown coat over a blue top. Mirrors! Co-protagonists!

The encounter with the Whitecloaks accomplishes several things: we see that the Whitecloaks feel free to act as an authority in lands that are not their own; Valda sees their faces so that he'll recognize Perrin & Egwene later; and we see that there are other Whitecloaks who appear to disagree with at least some of Valda/the Questioners beliefs (Bornhald telling Moiraine to seek out Aes Sedai healing). Plus there's a lot of tension in the scene because we saw the cold open.

Love the Manetheren song scene. And it's another example of Mat working to help the emotional state of the group. And I love hearing the story from Moiraine. I teared up on rewatch too.

Timing note: "I haven't seen any Trollocs for days", Lan says.

Again, we get to Rand and Egwene's further discussion and I can see both sides: Rand would like to be given space to process but Egwene wants reassurances that in a world that has changed so much Rand still cares about her. But Egwene has been the one sending mixed signals, not Rand. I understand why she has but it was definitely absolutely baffling to me when I hopped online and saw Rand being taken to task for holding on and being 'clingy'.

Perrin gets wolf healing and we get a hint here that Something Supernatural is up with Perrin but it's now been explicitly linked to wolves.

Love pretty much the entire Shadar Logoth section and Mat is a lot less randomly treasure-hungry and naive in this version. It accomplishes what it needs to do in splitting the party and there's a great creepy vibe.

It also gives us some nice character moments. Perrin and Mat's conversation about Laila is really sweet, and again shows us that Mat is very emotionally sensitive to others. And Rand and Egwene's silent moment together is also sweet.

Rand really likes to go the high places to think. Chills on the mountain in the first episode and seeks out a tower with the view of the dead city in this one.

Giving Perrin a weapon that is primarily a tool is also very thematic for him. That's part of the struggle for him -- between choosing a weapon that he sees only as a weapon and one that is primarily a tool but can be used as a weapon if needed. Knife here rather than a hammer but it still fits the themes for Perrin.

So many of the criticisms of the show baffled me and here's another one: did the people who said it was "too clean" watch past the big village festival? They are showing wear and tear already and it gets worse in upcoming episodes.

Poor horse. Being eaten by a tendril of darkness and dissolving into dust seems a rough way to go.

I also like the choice of darkness as opposed to fog, partly so that people don't associate the fog of the Heroes of the Horn with Shadar Logoth lol.

Party split successfully accomplished!

Weapon as tool: we see Rand use his sword not as a sword but as a crowbar to help him and Mat escape Shadar Logoth.

And Nynaeve (not dead) shows up as our surprise ending!

<3 <3 <3 <3

[chirpsythismorning]

Will Byers Analysis - Between S3 & 4

Something I always think about, is how Will probably didn't even know Mike and El were back together at the end of season 3.

When they had last spoke, part of Will probably thought Mike was talking about something else, which is understandable bc both him and Mike were speaking in code, whether they realized it or not (I didn’t say it/You didn’t have to).

At the very least, Will thought things could go back to how they used to between them; friends (best friends).

When the Byers arrived to Cali, I imagine within the first day, or within the first few days after they settled, it was most likely Jonathan who made the move to phone the Wheelers to talk to Nancy.

Then maybe Will decided he would call Mike once the phone was free or even asked Jonathan to have Nancy just hand the phone to Mike so they could catch up too.

But once Mike got on the phone, something was off. He sounded kind of distant and awkward and it left Will feeling confused.

Maybe Will tried to chock it up as them just needing to get used to living far away from each other, since this distance thing was indeed new for them. They'd been friends for the last decade and hadn't experienced being apart for longer than a week (the week of his disappearance). So, it was bound to be a little weird, for a little while. Right?

But honestly, just thinking about their fight in s3 and the events leading up to it, I wouldn't blame Will for being slightly worried.

Before the rain fight, Will was putting almost all of the time and effort into their relationship. He was fighting for it and Mike was leaving him behind. And that really hurt Will.

And that's what's honestly so incredible about Will's arc in s4, because he's not putting himself through that again.

Yes, he's growing up and he's matured, but he's also come to accept that, based on Mike's actions as of recent (despite what he might have sensed from Mike over the years), those romantic feelings he has for him will NEVER be reciprocated. If he's lucky, Mike will still want to be his friend, and he would be relieved to stay in his life in that way if it's something Mike still wants.

(Which also makes the GA's argument about how they think Will's arc in s5 is going to be about him accepting that Mike will never love him back, fall flat??? Because, Will's already realized that, sis. S4 ending the way it did was in part to make as clear as possible to Will (the unreliable narrator) that Mike cannot love him that way... And so why the hell would s5 confirm that for a second (3) time now? Where is the shock? Where is the value? What is satisfying about that? And why do that, while also holding off on Mike finding out about Will's feelings until the very end? Like... just let that simmer for a second and think about what that actually means in terms of the story going in a satisfying direction that also manages to surprise you... there is literally nothing satisfying about proving Will 'I'm not gonna fall in love' Byers, right...)

So, after about a week since they last spoke on the phone since arriving, a bunch of letters come in the mail: one for Jonathan, four for El, and three for Will (you can probably guess who from the party didn't send a letter to Will...).

And it's as if Will's worst fears are being (re)realized.

In his casual letter exchanges between the party, he talks about DnD and a new art class he's taking with Dustin, joining the basketball team with Lucas and how everything she'd told him about California was right with Max. Super casual catching up with some of his best friends. And yet still, nothing from Mike, arguably his best friend.

And so Will is understandably devastated.

He doesn't understand. Or maybe he does, he just didn't want to believe it.

And so, how Will chose to go about his contact with Mike over the next 'year' makes sense to me (and I support him fully tbh).

I think Will's arc in s4 is beautiful because he has some of the best development of anyone on the entire show. He's not the gay kid being used as a plot device for a heterosexual couple (stay tuned for s5). If anything, we're seeing this character who tried his best to mend his friendship with his best friend (also secret first love) after Mike presumably rejected him (ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU DON'T LIKE GIRLS!), and so, Will is not going to put himself through that again.

He's not going to let himself have hope that there could ever be something more between them, even if he thought so many times before there were moments or signs that Mike could feel the same (BC MIKE DID!!). He has already accepted it's not possible.

He's not going to 'stand in the way' anymore. If Mike wants to be with El, he's going to support them, even if it hurts him and his own feelings.

It's tragic, but it feels so in character for Will and his qualities as a person.

I know a lot of bylers argue that both Mike and Will were in the wrong when it came to them both not staying in touch, and I do agree, completely actually. Especially knowing Mike tried to call Will. HE TRIED. So it's not like he didn't. The miscommunication trope is doing it's magic. We just have to accept that.

And so, fittingly, when confronted, Mike doesn't tell Will he called (a lot). He lets Will think that he barely called and deflects and pushes it back on Will. But then almost instantly, he regrets it. Because it's in this moment he's only now realizing that Will did want to talk and missed him and is quite literally confused why they're not best friends any more. And suddenly it's all clicking. He knows deep down Will has every reason to be insecure, to not reach out to Mike after what happened last summer. It's just that he also thought Will had every right to move on because why wouldn't he, what's so great about Mike? Will could have anyone? Mike was so distracted by his own insecurities that Will had inevitably moved on, while also trying to hide his feelings, that he didn't realize Will actually did miss him. They've both got it all wrong.

As of now, we don’t know for sure if Will called at all, and so me assuming he called first, is just that, an assumption. But I’m giving Will the benefit of the doubt here. (It's also likely the Byers would have called the Wheeler's first because they know their number by heart most likely, while the Wheelers would've had to wait to get their new number).

Based on the story presented though (Will's unreliable narrator POV), he had a lot more reason to doubt Mike wanted anything to do with him. Will literally spent all of s3 fighting for their friendship, even if it meant coming off as slightly clingy and annoying and ‘childish’. And look how that turned out?

What else was Will to do in this situation? Just repeat all of his behavior in s4?

Was he just supposed to call Mike first, write him letters first, even though Mike was showing repeat signs of wanting to distance himself from him again?

And so, Will waits. He waits for Mike to make the next move, just in case his insecurities are right and that Mike doesn't want them to be best friends like they used to be.

One evening, about a month since the move, the phone rings and Will answers it. It's Mike.

Will is obviously surprised and thrilled. They talk for a bit, and yeah it's awkward. But still, it gives Will hope.

Now, it's still not enough to give Will the confidence to reach out first, fearing he'll come off too strong and scare Mike away again, and so he continues to give Mike space. But that doesn't stop this gesture from giving Will the inspiration to try one more thing, one last ditch effort to save their friendship; he's going to make Mike a painting.

So, all while watching El receive a new letter in the mail every few weeks or so, with him and Mike talking once (or if he's lucky maybe twice) a month over the phone, Will spends his time working on the painting, knowing that Mike used to appreciate his drawings when their friendship was at its strongest. And so, maybe this will be the thing that finally fixes things for them once and for all?

All too soon, it's Spring break and they're at the airport waiting for Mike to land.

In the months leading up to their reunion, Will made sure no one saw the painting he was working on, least of all El. Not even because he was scared she might figure out his feelings, but because he wanted it to be a surprise. We also know Will presumably had no problem with the others seeing the painting eventually because he literally brought it to the airport for Mike to open in front of all of them? And so... to him this was clearly an attempt at platonic reconciliation, even despite Will having romantic feelings for Mike. What he wanted was their friendship back.

But suddenly, Mike is standing before him and Will is so excited he can't hold back anymore. I mean, he's been holding back for MONTHS and he just wants to hug his best friend.

But then Mike is being awkward again, almost like he doesn't want to even touch Will at all, contrasting greatly from the last time they hugged during their goodbye only just a year ago (6 months they're so dramatic, i swear).

All this does is prove to Will that, despite them apparently ending on good terms, it seems Mike is just repeating last summer all over again.

Understandably, Will jumps to this conclusion fairly quickly, as his insecurities are being proven right in real time. Mike doesn't want the friendship they used to have. He doesn't want to hug, doesn't want to write to him, barely even called despite writing El a book worth of letters. He wants to talk to and focus on his girlfriend and Will is just an afterthought now.

There's no way he's gonna want this? A painting? Not a chance in hell.

So when Mike points to it and asks him about it nervously, Will panics and brushes it off.

How could he be so naive. Mike is making it SUPER clear he doesn't care about him, not like he used to. And still he's holding onto some misguided hope that maybe there's still a chance for them to be best friends.

How could he be so stupid.

[youremyheaven]

That Solar explanation in the krittika post is so me coded 😭🫠. The more I learn, the more I’m starting to realize my strongest planetary influences are fucking opps lmao!

Have you noticed any difficulty with finding balance/satisfaction if one has planetary influences that traditionally don’t harmonize? For me it’s Sun and Venus; I have balance from extremes of either, but I am split between that harsh solar girlboss and a lovey-dovey romantic venusian and then a yapping ketuvian in the middle 🗿. I’m extremely ambitious as you describe for solars but this split makes it so hard to get things accomplished, although my saturn aspect to my amk sun helps a bit with stability, I have no idea how to remedy this imbalance 😭.

It’s so difficult to have a literal split, I can shut off my emotions or I’m all in on them, this id with people too. Romantic relationships for me usually end up with me having to cut off a loser but I do have feelings for an Uttara Ashada moon man that is the sweetest but we are so distant with each other 😭 I don’t know how to easily express my feelings and don’t really know how to handle that closeness but I crave and need it like water. I have very few relationships I actually feel happy about and nourished from.

I want to find the middle path so badly but Sun and Venus are just both extremes even with a Revati sun. Do you know of any mantras or practices that can help with bridging that kind of like,,,,existential gap? It not only makes relationships difficult to cope with but I also am constantly dissatisfied, and so fucking bored and angry but I just try not to touch that, nothing useful there for me. There is ALWAYS something missing inside and I am terrified of missing something that can relieve it (swati ketu,,,🗿) which makes it hard to also satisfy my solar ambition. (The irony of my ardra saturn aspecting my amk and having a “split personality”.)

But yeah basically life is pain, which is ironic because my first 20 years of life have been in my krittika venus dasha and I’m getting ready for my revati era in june. Maybe life will be less misery with s different nakshatra over my dasha? Because I genuinely cannot take this anymore 😍 I will snap if I live another year like this 😍😍💃💃💃😉😉😜

I think everyone struggles with balancing all of their energies. We're all kind of pulled in different directions from time to time. If we wait for it to all fall into place, we'll spend our lives waiting. We just have to roll with the punches tbh but I understand how heavy it must be to swing between extremes like that 😪

Tbh I'd say any nourishing maternal Goddess will be of aid here. Kali, Matangi etc are more aggressive/fierce Goddesses. Whereas Tripura Sundari, Bhuvaneshwari, Lakshmi etc are all gentler more soft vibes?? I think they help with everything from feeling internally soft, receptive and at ease to being magnetic externally and attracting prosperity because how we're on the inside is what we reflect externally.

I'd suggest against worshipping more fierce aggressive Goddesses in general but especially if youre energetically feeling imbalanced, the Goddesses don't play around, if they have harsh principles, you will feel its impact and it's best to not invite that in when you're not in the best state to receive it.