#and that one time kate was like “live together die alone right” and jack was just like “.......... right”

[dis-astre]

currently rewatching lost and i'm losing my mind about the gdamn quote "live together die alone" bc IT.WASNT.THE.ORIGINAL.MEANING.

like when jack said it the first time he said "if we don't live together, we're gonna die alone" like that's pretty self explanatory WHEN DID IT BECAME FOR NO REASON "LIVE TOGETHER DIE ALONE" LIKE WE LIVE TOGETHER BUT WE DIE ALONE THAT WAS NOT THE QUOTE THAT WAS NOT WHAT HE MEANT WHY DID NO ONE UNDERSTAND I'M GOING INSANE

[banamine-bananime]

kate austen has such a lesbian narrative to me. kicked out by her mom for her love - look as a lesbian i'm not saying gay love is the SAME as love for your mom that makes you kill her abuser but, hey, love is love, as they say.

cannot find a place where she's accepted within Normal Society.

she finally stops trying to explain her way back into being loved and accepted by being honest, and instead accepts that the only way she can stop running and being rejected at every turn and live the kind of Respectable life with a Respectable relationship you're Supposed to have is to lie and hide who she is.

and then living this Perfect, Respectable life where she is finally loved by this Perfect husband. it's everything she wanted. right? but she tells someone who knows who she is, who sees her, and wow! how wonderful! he will stop trying to hunt her down and arrest her if she just stays put in this perfect marriage. "But you and I both know that's not gonna happen". what? no. this is what she wants. this is perfect this is perfect she wants this she loves kevin she has to want this

she can't

her life is defined by running and never being able to find the place she'll be loved and accepted and able to just settle down. we have the ultimate proof of concept that she's not capable of it even when she's not being chased, right? if she couldn't stay with kevin, she really just intrinsically isn't capable of just letting herself love someone and be loved and stay. she's a loner who drifts on the wind, making ephemeral connections that can never be strong enough to root her! she will never be able to be part of a community.

but, wait, that's not what she does on the island. it's dangerous going off alone on the island, sure, but she's always lived in danger on her own. it could also be dangerous staying with these unknown fellow survivors who could be violent, could reject or persecute her, especially after telling jack who she is. Nice Respectable communities have always rejected and persecuted her before. why is it different now? why is she embracing the "live together, die alone" philosophy and trying so hard to protect these people and letting herself relax and be silly and make close friendships? it's interesting how this isn't a Nice, Respectable community. it's a totally new community completely marooned from any existing society, growing in a completely new and strange place from people from around the world and all different walks of life - many of them very much not Nice, Respectable walks of life. and she can just be kate, instead of having to be a Nice, Respectable All-American Girl who will get married to a Nice, Respectable All-American Man and have 2.5 kids in suburbia.

and she can be loved and love in ways no one told her she could

this is also why juliet/kate drives me so insane (pos). like.

juliet lives in a horror story about the male gaze

i think about this scene all the time.

juliet is recruited into a Very Nice, Respectable white picket fence 60s hippie-veneer-yet-still-ultimately-just-typical-suburban Americana community. the people are so nice here! all these lovely heterosexual couples (sidenote: god bless you tom friendly for taking one for the team and being a 2000s-TV-show Token. i don't support your gay wrongs but i sympathize with that nightmare). all these "we're a family here :)" potlucks and book clubs. the women on this island are dying.

your boss is such a sweet guy, he's so attentive. why does it make you feel uncomfortable. he's just being nice! you shouldn't feel uncomfortable! but you want to leave and every time there's just one more thing that happens to come up and keep you from leaving makes you a little bit more paranoid. the women on this island are dying.

and still, he's so nice. the potluck is a dinner between you. everything stays very professional, though! if you say anything no one will believe you. what would you even say? he hasn't done anything but be nice. and it makes you want to burst out of your skin and claw your way out through the Nice Respectable white picket fence and never stop running. the women on this island are still dying.

when his facade drops, it's almost a relief to have cold, hard confirmation that you're not being an ungrateful, paranoid bitch. you are very literally being held prisoner in this Nice, Respectable life because this man wants you. and he is not fucking nice, so you don't have to be either (just kidding, of course not. the rest of your Nice, Respectable community will still villainize you if you get angry about it).

juliet and kate freedom from being Supposed to be in Nice, Respectable communities of nuclear families, fulfilling the role they're Supposed to fill to be loved by and please men! juliet handcuffing herself to kate because we love a disaster fucked up MESSY gay tbh. juliet and kate holding hands.... juliet and kate making out....... fuck i distracted myself

[romnianistan]

I said this before but this scene is the matrix to understanding Jack, John, Kate, Sayid and Hurley's characters. You really get to see their personalities and character dynamics:

Jack: "You do it yourself, John... No, it's not real. If you want to push the button, you do it yourself. Why do you find it so easy [to believe]?" Intellectual man (he is in a time of crisis but still finds the time to argue what is real and what isn't), man of science, leader with an ego with some trust issues going on.

John: "Why do you find it so hard to believe? ... It's never been easy... I don't want to do this on my own, Jack, I don't want to." Also an intellectual man, but a man of faith, and he feels much more at peace with himself than Jack, he believes in team work on a spiritual level, and not just on a survival level as Jack does ("live together or die alone"), probably because he has an inner mission and a set goal, whereas Jack doesn't.

-> now is the time to remind everyone of my favourite fun fact, which is that 'Jack' is a nickname of 'John'; whereas John is a Biblical name, Jack is a popular, bastardized form of John. Jack and John are two sides of the same coin, except one is more holy and the other is more down-to-earth.

Sayid: "This argument is irrelevant." Sayid isn't the kind to ponder over what is real and what isn't, what is the meaning of life or his purpose in the universe. He sees the button as a crisis that needs to be solved right now. He is a pragmatic man, a man of action more than a man of words, and he is ready to cut through other people's bullshit if needed.

Kate: "Maybe you should just do it." Pretty much the same as Sayid; however, whereas Sayid is blunt in his words and ready to take action right now, Kate is more the kind to get what she needs by bargaining and opening dialogue, by getting through to other people and calling to their rational side.

Hurley: my man is just trying to fade into the background. He doesn't like conflict and doesn't want to take part in any of this.

[thewanderingace]

Hawkeye Episode 4 Reactions

Summary: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! 😭😭😭😭

Once again massive spoilers under the cut

I have once again stayed up until 3am because I am incapable of waiting til later to watch the new episode. They hype continues to be strong and I cannot contain myself

This awkward tea with Clint, Kate, Jack, and Eleanor is hysterical.

And now I'm sad because Eleanor is talking about losing people and she's mentioned both Natasha and his family and NOPE! YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY!! Clint is doing this BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT KATE OR HIS FAMILY TO GET HURT!!!

Lol I knew he grabbed the Ronin sword. Noice.

LAURA IS THE BEST PERSON AND WIFE AND SHE AND CLINT ARE COUPLE GOALS!!! God I just love how much they communicate with each other and understand and love each other. Laura being not only 1000% supportive but offering insights and ways to help. I mean Laura can tell how tired and pained he feels just through the one call and she tells him to ice and rest and I'M DYING. I love her. I love them. If Clint doesnt make it home for Christmas I'm gonna sob.

Kate's face when Eleanor and Jack talk about how being with family is the most important part of the holiday. She's thinking of Clint and how he's alone and away from his family because of her and AHHH 😭😭

LOL CLINT! FROZEN MARGARITA MIXES FOR ICE PACKS!! I love my disaster son.

Kate came over to keep Clint company and she brought pizza and decorations and sweaters and movies cause it's movie night and lord someone send me help because I think I'm going into cardiac arrest.

THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME!! EVERYTHING!! THIS WHOLE MONTAGE OF KATE AND CLINT BONDING!!! I'M GONNA CRY! Brief planning session where nothing gets done and Kate uses permanent marker on a poster, Clint put on the grumpy cat sweater and looked at the movies she brought, BOOMERANG ARROWS!!!, Clint smiling and laughing 😭👍, them decorating the tree together while talking about splitting and arrow like Robin Hood, Clint teaching Kate the trick shot with the coin,

OOOH NO! Oh no. And now I'm 100% crying for real. Shit. He told Kate about how he met Nat 😭

"Best shot you ever took?" "The one I didn't take"

"When you do what I did for a living its just a game of managing loss"

OH NO KNOW HE'S THINKING ABOUT HIS FAMILY AND KATE ASKED IF HE LOST THEM DURING THE BLIP AND THE SHEER GRIEF ON HIS FACE IS DESTROYING ME

MANAGING LOSS OH MY GOD

"God that must have been devastating" "yeah you have no idea." SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

OH GOD FUCK NOW SHE KNOWS HE'S RONIN!

AND CLINT IS SAYING HE'S A WEAPON AND A KILLER AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND I'M GONNA DIE

Clint thanks Kate for coming over and what she did for him and I'm crying now thanks.

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHY YOU GOTTA GO FOR ME LIKE THAT HAWKEYE WITH THE FLASHBACKS AND THE SEEING NAT DIE AGAIN AND HIS FAMILY POST ENDGAME AND NAT DYING I CANNOT TAKE THIS MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS

The Clint angst in this show may just be the end of me. For real.

The shirt!!!!! Kate is wearing the shirt!!!! This one!!!

The larpers are back!! I love that!!

OMG THEYRE ALL IN THE APARTMENT JUST CHILLING OUT!! Grills made snickerdoodles and Kate is trying on their costumes and OH MY GOD SHE IS GONNA COMMISSION THEM TO MAKE THEIR COSTUMES RIGHT!? SHE IS!! THAT'S WHERE THEY COME FROM!!! I LOOOOVE THAT!!!

I love that so much. Hawkeye Squared and the Guild. I love them.

Is Eleanor perhaps working for/with Valentina Allegra De'Fontaine and she told her about Clint which is how yelena finds him!? She shady. I got a theory.

WHAT IS THIS WATCH AND WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT! WHAT AM I MISSING! Was it Nats? Was it his? What does it mean!?!?

Every time Kate just ignores Clint and does whatever she wants I laugh so damm hard. I love her. This whole with the guy and the elevator ride and the face she makes when she tells him she's talking to an avengers. It's so funny.

Okay so the watch belongs to a friend? WHO!? WHY DO THE TRACKSUITS WANT IT!?!? And Laura knows all about it too. It cant be Nats because he said if they find it they find his friend then no more friend. So who's watch is it!?!?

WAIT COULD IT BE LAURA'S!? IDK OKAY IM JUST CONFUSED! MAYBE SHE WAS SHIELD AGENT WHEN THEY FIRST MET!

OH SHIT ITS MAYAS APARTMENT!!!

YELENA!?!?!??! IS THAT YELENA!!!! IT'S YELENA OH MY GOD CALM DOWN EVERYONE CALM DOWN SHE'S HERE!!!!

HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE TO FIGHT BOTH MAYA AND YELENA!??! Damn Clint you have your work cut out for you!

STOP!!! MY HEART!!! Yelena just shocked Kate off the roof and I swear I could SEE Clints soul leave his body. You know that man is flashing back to Nataha right now. I mean he reached down to catch her just like with Nat!! And god Kate is just hanging there and Clint was so afraid she was dead that he just cuts her loose and tells her to leave BECAUSE HE WANT TO KEEP HER SAFE AND THINGS HAVE ESCALATED TOO FAR AND ITS TOO DANGEROUS AND SHE ALMOST JUST DIED RIGHT NOW!!

Clint is holding up against Yelena and I'm impressed. You know it's because of Nat though. He knows her Black Widow fighting style too well.

Maya just nopeing the fuck out of there lol

YELENA!!! HI!!!

KATE WHY DID YOU HESTIATE!?!?! Not that I wanted you to shoot her but why did you let her escape when she shook her head at you!? I mean you shot Maya in the arm so you clearly don't have a problem with it.

Clint looks so fucking tired and defeated I just want to hug the stuffing out of him. He sends Kate away because this shit is serious and it just got really bad and he can't lose her too. He's come to care about her and he almost lost her and he CAN'T do that again. FUCK ME

I'm crying. I cried so many times. THIS SHOW IS THE BEST AND I'M DYING! Every week the episode ends way too soon because enjoying it so damn much. BUT WAITING A WEEK FOR THE NEXT EPISODE IS KILLING ME! But I also I love the wait bevause we can theorize and question and analyze it all one episode at a time. I love that.

Anyway I'm dead 1,000 times over and I'm gonna go scream so more and then watch it all over again.

Also sidenote but all the comic references in this show have me LIVING!!!

[randomfandom815]

Defending the women of LOST/Sexism in LOST

People say they don’t like Kate Austen because she’s “annoying” “can’t choose between Jack and Sawyer” “always wants to join every single mission”. Kate has way bigger things to worry about than sorting out her romantic feelings. Yes, she is developing feelings for both Jack and Sawyer, but she doesn’t have time to figure them out while trying to survive on the island. And the fact that people don’t like her because of the whole “I’m coming with you” thing is a little ridiculous, because they’re hating Kate for wanting to protect her friends and do whatever she can to help. You know who else does that? Jack. But plenty of people love him for those very same reasons. Yeah, a lot of Kate’s character was centered around the love triangle, but that isn’t the character’s fault, it the writers’s.

Then there’s Claire Littleton. People always complain about her “my baby!” thing, but... she only actually says that a few times, AND, if your child was taken from you or you thought your child was going to be hurt, wouldn't you be worried out of your mind? Wouldn’t you want to do anything to help them? People also criticize Claire for her entire Season 6 arc. She was alone, on the island, thinking everyone had abandoned her, with only the MIB for company. She was also tortured by the temple Others, who she thought had taken her child. Claire was a single mother who just wanted to keep her son safe, give her a break. 

Sun-Hwa Kwon is a character who actually doesn’t receive that much hate, but there is still the fact that people don’t like her because she left Ji Yeon to go back to the island for Jin. Here’s the thing: Sun had no way of knowing what was would happen on the island. She had no way of knowing that Jin had time traveled to the past, and she had no way of knowing what would happen with the MIB/Locke. She thought that she would be able to go to the island, bring Jin and the others back, and the two of them would reunite with Ji Yeon. And then in the submarine incident, Sun didn't want Jin to stay. She wanted him to live and take care of Ji Yeon. It was Jin who made the decision to die with her, not Sun.

Shannon Rutherford is a very unlikable character. Even I don’t enjoy her character, or Boone, and that is a view shared by many other people in the fandom. Many people call her selfish, spoiled, and just plain rude. And she was all of those things, but that wasn’t her entire character. Remember, they had all just been through a plane crash, landed on an island with no chance of rescue. Also, friendly reminder that she was only 20 years old. She was scared, and her way of coping with that was to try to do something normal. Let’s not forget, in Pilot, Part 2, she volunteered to go on the mission to fix the transceiver. She was constantly feeling useless, and it didn’t help that other characters, especially Boone, were constantly putting her down and mocking her. When she started to see Walt, she genuinely made an attempt to help him, even though she wasn’t sure if he was even there. Her death was untimely, and I wished we had gotten to see her grow more as a person. Also, her death was used for shock value and to further Sayid’s character development.

And now, one of the most hated characters of LOST, Ana Lucia Cortez. Now, while the characters I mentioned above were shit on and criticized, Ana Lucia was absolutely hated by the fandom. People hated her attitude, her toughness, her dislike of most of the people around her, and the fact that she killed Shannon (who, by the way, was just as disliked by many Ana Lucia haters). You know who else has a similar attitude? Who has that same toughness and dislike of people? Who else killed someone? That would be Sawyer, a fan-favorite, white male character who is beloved by the fandom. Now, for the last point, what I am comparing here is Ana Lucia killing Shannon to Sawyer killing the man he thought was Frank Sawyer in Australia, right before flight 815. Ana Lucia killed Shannon because she was trying to protect the people she was leading (including Sawyer!) from who she thought was the Others, and killing Shannon was an accident. Sawyer killed the man completely on purpose and out of revenge. Oh, and it wasn’t even the right person. Yes, I am aware of the man Ana killed long before flight 815 out of revenge, but if we can take her very small amount of character development, in which she refused to kill Henry Gale, a known Other at that point. Whereas Sawyer was still willing to kill a bunch of people in Season 6, the end of his character arc. And yet, Sawyer is still in most people’s top five characters lists (just to be clear, I do not hate Sawyer at all, and this is not anti Sawyer but pro Ana Lucia). You may argue that people love Sawyer because of his character development, which I do agree with. However, Ana Lucia was never given the chance to have Sawyer-like character development because she was killed off in the same season that she was introduced in. She wasn’t even allowed to be in the church in the flash-sideways, and she didn’t get to “move on.” Ana Lucia deserved way better than the death for shock value that she got.

Next up on the list is Juliet Burke. She, like Sun, also isn’t the target of a lot of hate, but there are still things that need defending. The first thing is, of course, her sudden change of mind when it came to detonating the hydrogen bomb in Season 5. Yes, it was selfish of her to endanger everyone on the island just because of the way Sawyer looked at Kate. But if the plan did actually work, which she thought it would, that meant she would lose everything she had gained over the past few years, including Sawyer. Juliet is incredibly kind and feminine while also being badass at the same time, which is amazing because you don’t usually see those two traits coinciding (usually a badass character isn’t very feminine and a “traditionally feminine” character isn’t a good fighter). As for all of her motives in Season 3, Juliet was trapped on the island for three years. All she wanted to do was leave and go home to her sister. Yes, she manipulated Sun, but right after that, she made things right by helping Jack make a plan to stop the Others. Her death was heroic, and I’m glad she was finally able to be happy in the flash-sideways. (I am declining to mention her whole relationship with Goodwin and all the drama with Ben, although I might dive into that in another post). 

Now, the character Rose Nadler has almost nothing that needs to be defended. She is a constant wise voice of reason who isn’t concerned with the drama of the rest of the survivors. Her relationship with her husband Bernard is very sweet, but she doesn’t let that stop her from doing the smart thing (like stopping his SOS sign idea). Not only that, but Rose has one of the best (and most meta) lines on the show: “If you say live together, die alone to me, Jack, I’m going to punch you in the face.”

Another character who doesn't need much defending is Charlotte Lewis, but not for the same reason as Rose. Charlotte was done dirty by the writers. Of the science team, she is the least fleshed out and explored. She had a single flashback and a little bit of exposition information from Ben, but that’s pretty much it. Every significant thing she did was for the sake of other characters. She had a fake-out death so Ben would reveal that he had a spy on the boat. She was taken to the Barracks so that members of Jack’s group would have a reason to go there. Her going to the Barracks was also an excuse to get Miles and Kate there. And she only died/was dying for shock value, to up the stakes of the time flashes, to provide more questions to the characters and the audience, and to further Daniel’s character development. In the flash-sideways, all she did was go on a date with Sawyer and further his character development. She didn't get to go to the church and move on. Daniel and Miles, the other members of her team, on the other hands were given compelling backstories and centric episodes.

Penelope Widmore is similar to Charlotte in that there isn’t much to defend because she doesn’t do much that affects the plot. Nearly everything she does is about Desmond, and the writers barely even gave her a personality. I’m sure Penny was an actually interesting person, if they had bothered her to give her any storyline that didn't involve her love interest.

Danielle Rousseau is a character that kind of slides in and out of the story as needed. Now, Danielle isn’t the subject of a lot of criticism just because she isn’t very focused on, but from what I have seen, here’s what I have to say: Danielle was alone on the island for sixteen years. And for sixteen years, she had to live with the knowledge that she was forced to kill the man she loved and her team. Not to mention the fact that her daughter, Alex, was taken away from her when she was just a week old. Can you blame Danielle for being paranoid? Her death was not a fair end to the character, and it was only used to kill off Danielle quickly and provide shock value.

Her daughter, Alex Rousseau, is similar to Charlotte and Penny in that she doesn’t need to be defended because everything she does is to affect other characters. In this case, those characters are Ben and Danielle (especially Ben in the later seasons). Danielle’s entire character is centered around the fact that she lost Alex and has been searching for her, and Ben’s motivations after Season 4 are largely motivated by Alex’s death. She herself doesn’t have much of a character arc, and her death was only to provide shock value and further Ben’s character development.

Another character that falls into the category of not having much to defend because every action is for someone else is Libby Smith. Once the tailies and the main survivors joined together, she was almost immediately shoved in a relationship with Hurley. The only things we knew about her backstory were that her husband died, she was a clinical psychologist, she was in the same mental hospital as Hurley, and she gave Desmond a boat. That’s it. She didn’t have a centric episode, and she only appeared in other people’s flashbacks. Her death was only to provide shock value and further Hurley’s character development, as well to show that Michael betrayed the survivors. 

Notice how many of these women died for shock value and/or to further a man’s character development? Notice how many of these women are disliked for traits that other characters are loved for? Notice how many of them barely exist as their own character without a man? I love LOST, I really do, but their treatment of female characters needed a lot of improvement.

[get-lost-in-fanfiction]

LOST - Another Story

Rating: M

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Hello guys! I hope everyone is satisfied with the story so far. I realize there is not a lot of content with Amelia yet, and that’s mainly because I want to build it up. If you couldn’t tell, Amelia is hinting at thing to come, so it’s really important that you have already seen Lost to understand these reference. Anyways, here’s Tabula Rasa!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Tabula Rasa

We stand around miserably for a second, and I realize this is when our group loses any hope of getting rescued. I take a moment to walk away from the group, feeling overwhelmed by my place here. Even knowing what will happen, these moments of intensity affect me deeply. I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder and look behind me to see Boone. I smile at him and he points a thumb over his shoulder at the group starting to pack up to leave.

“We’re heading back to the beach now,” He says, and I can see Sawyer looking at us with a neutral face, “I just thought you should know.”

“Thanks Boone,” I say and realize there is a hint of jealousy in Sawyer's eyes.

Boone and I walk back to the group, with Boone walking just a bit too close to me. Sawyer greets us and says, “You alright blue-eyes?”

“She’s fine man, leave her alone,” Boone jumps in before I can speak.

“Guys I’m perfectly okay, I just needed a breather to swallow what we heard on the radio,” I say and Boone looks convinced, Sawyer, not so much.

“You sure?” Sawyer asks, “You’ve been acting weird since we crashed, not to mention-“ but he is cut off by Kate.

“Alright, let’s head out!” She shouts at the lot of us.

The hike has taken most of the day, and it’s felt longer than it did in the show. I guess that’s because there is a lot of time cut out of both the beach scenes and the hike scenes. But in the real world, there’s no break to switch back for the show to give us another realization about the characters.

“It’s Tabula Rasa,” I think, “I need to keep this straight.”

Boone’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts, “It's getting dark,” he says.

“Then pick up the pace,” Sawyer snaps.

“Hick,” Boone comments under his breath

“Little louder?”

“We should make camp,” Sayid cuts in.

“What, here?” Shannon comments incredulously.

“Yes, here,” Sayid replies.

“I'm not stopping. You all have a nice cookout,” Sawyer says.

“Excellent, walk through the jungle in the dark.”

“Oooo, afraid the trees are going to get us?”

“No, what is knocking down the trees will get you.”

Sawyer pulls out the gun, “Well, if you're so worried about me, how about you give me the clip back?”

“Put the gun back in your pants, Sawyer. Sayid's right, if you keep walking you're not going to make it to the beach,” Kate adds.

“Yeah, why's that?” Sawyer asks as I notice Charlie looking away.

“Trust me,” Kate says.

As night falls upon the Island, we make camp and a fire. I lean against my backpack and look up at the stars, thinking about Australia. I laugh to myself about how Lost like my situation was. Of course the only other person with me was killed, of course it was traumatic, and of course I had to get back to LA as soon as possible. Am I really any different than the rest of my survivor companions? Truthfully I am, they don’t know who will live and who will die. I shudder to think that over half of our group will end up dead in a few years. I look at Sayid placing a rock on the ground with a thump and holding a torch.

“This is Australia,” He says, indicating the rock, “This is us,” lifting the torch a little to show what is what.

“Nice stick,” Sawyer adds and I give him a look.

“Two days ago we take off from Sydney,” Sayid begins, “We fly along the same north east route every commercial airliner bound for Los Angeles does. Now the pilot, he said he lost communication with the ground, correct?”

“Yeah,” Kate says, ”6 hours in. He turned around and headed for Fiji.”

“So, we changed course. Regrettably, no one knew we changed course. The turbulence hit. We know the rest,” at that, Sayid puts the torch's fire out.

“The pilot said we were over a thousand miles off course,” I flinch a little at Kate's words, and become surprised by my reaction.

“Yeah, but, they'll find us,” Charlie adds, “They have satellites in space that can take pictures of your license plate.”

“If only we were all wearing license plates,” I add in, stealing the line from Sayid.

“Well, aren't you the pessimist,” Charlie says to me, a little surprised. I don’t blame him for forgetting I tagged along.

“Basic photography,” Sayid says, “point and shoot. Satellites can shoot, but they must be told where to point.”

“Oh. Bollocks,” Charlie replies.

“Okay, really enjoyed the puppet show. Fantastic. But we're stuck in the middle of damn nowhere,” Sawyer says looking around at us, “How about we talk about that other thing? You know that transmission Abdul picked up on his little radio? The French chick that said, ‘They're all dead,’” Sawyer pauses to look at me, “The transmission's been on a loop for … how long was it, Freckles?”

“16 years,” Kate replies.

“Right. Let's talk about that,” Sawyer says.

“Well, we have to tell the others when we get back,” Boone adds.

“Tell them what, exactly?” Shannon snaps.

“What we heard,” Boone says to her.

“You didn't hear anything. I'm not a stupid translator,” Shannon spits at Boone.

“No one's going to tell them anything,” Sayis says to the both of them, “To relay what we heard without fully understanding it will cause a panic. If we tell them what we know we take away their hope. And hope is a very dangerous thing to lose.”

“So we lie,” Kate says. I laugh internally about the irony of our situation and the future Oceanic Six.

I’m sound asleep, that is until I hear Sayid say, “What are you doing?” Then I’m wide awake. I sit up a groan, having laid on a rock. Then I see Boone with the gun and I groan louder.

“Standing guard,” Boone answers, “You heard what they said is out there.”

“You took my gun off me, boy?” Sawyer says angrily, right by my ear. I wince and he glanced at me.

“Please, you've never even held a gun,” Sannon scoffs at Boone then turns to us, “He doesn't believe in guns. He goes on marches.”

“I don't go on marches,” Boone retorts.

“Give it back to me,” Sayid says.

“Yeah, give it to Al Jazeera, he'll protect us,” Sawyer adds sarcastically.

“Al Jazeera is a network,” Charlie quips.

“I'll keep the damn gun,” Boone spits.

“We should give it to her,” And all eyes turn to me when I realize Shannon is pointing at me.

“Yeah, she should hold the gun,” Charlie adds, despite not knowing my name.

“Fine with me,” Sayid says, “Well?” He looks to Boone

“Now hang on a minute, that's my gun!” Sawyer says angrily, “Why are you givin’ it to a kid?” Ouch. I know Sawyer means well, and I also know we aren't that close, so I try not to be too hurt about the kid statement.

“I’m 20, by the way,” I say to Sawyer before turning to Charlie and the rest of the group, “And my name is Amelia, Amelia Kassman.” Boone looks at me, the gun slack in his hand. He waits a beat before handing the gun over. I check to make sure the safety is on, it is, but I don't want to shoot myself in my sleep. We all lay back down and I set the gun uncomfortably beside me, the barrel facing away from anyway. I look up and catch Sawyer looking at me, but he quickly rolls over once he spots me. I flip onto my back, brush the rock from under me, and slowly fall back asleep, my hand inches away from the gun.

We finally make it back to the beach and I can see Hurley hurrying off to a tent where I know the US Marshall is. Our group stands together as Sayid takes center stage and a gaggle of the survivors gather around Sayid. I look away from the scene and to the ocean where I know I can find some comfort. I only look back when I hear Sayid start to speak.

“As you and the others know, we hiked up the mountain in an attempt to help the rescue team locate us,” Sayid says beginning the lie,” The transceiver failed to pick up a signal. We weren't able to send out a call for help,” I glance at Kate and Shannon,” But we're not giving up. If we gather electronic equipment - your cell phones, laptops - I can boost the signal and we can try again, but that may take some time. So for now, we should begin rationing our remaining food. If it rains, we should set up tarps to collect water. I need to organize 3 separate groups. Each group should have a leader,” I notice Jack walking up to the gathering, “One group for water - I'll organize that. Who's going to organize electronics?” Then I notice Kate walking towards Jack, “You? Rationing food? Okay. And I believe a third group should concern themselves with the construction of…” then I tune Sayid out and walk away myself.

I amble my way back to my tent and sit down in the warm sand in front of my tent. I look out at the ocean and realize I’m probably going to do that a lot. I can see why Rose did it for so long, too, it’s quite soothing. Although I know what’s going to happen and she doesn’t. I drop my head to my hands and groan, the realization coming at me again and making me dizzy. I had always wanted to be on the Island and experience what the Losties did, but now that I’m here I’m regretting that wish. Maybe it’s because I never really thought about knowing everything before, or maybe it’s because I never really took the time to think about it. I hope I get over it soon, I don’t think I can take these strong waves of emotion every day.

I watch as Jack walks over to the fuselage, a bag and a flashlight in hand. I chuckle to myself, thinking over the interaction of Sawyer and Jack in there. I half think to go in there myself, but the thought of being around those dead bodies makes me shiver despite the sun and the humidity. I don’t think I’ll be going in there unless someone holds a gun to my head and tells me to. I don’t foresee that happening to me so I don’t worry too much. Then I remember the gun sticking out of my pants, and the metal suddenly burns me. Then I spot Kate walking towards the tent with the US Marshall and I scramble to my feet.

“Kate, hey, Kate!” I shout slightly, to get her attention. She turns to me and stops, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. I reach behind me and pull out the gun, offering it to her, handle out. “Please take it, I don’t like the memory it brings.”

Kate’s eyes flicker to me, the tent, the gun, then back up to me. She wraps her hand around the gun and takes it from me, and I let out a small breath. “Okay,” she says, sticks the gun in the back of her pants and walks away.

Later, much later, a whole rainstorm later, the moans and cries of the US Marshall can be heard around the camp. The sun is almost set and I can see Kate stacking wood to make a fire. I watch as Sawyer walks up to Kate, and a familiar pit in my stomach forms and I have to swallow hard to make it go away. I know what they’re saying, I can almost hear it. It makes my heart ache and I realize for the first time that I do in fact have a crush on Sawyer. I denied it to myself in all of the rewatches of the show, it’s not healthy to have a crush on someone who doesn’t exist. Yet now he does and I have to grapple with the feelings that have come to the surface.

I watch as Kate walks into the tent, Hurley talk worriedly to Jack, Sawyer walks in from behind, Kate walking out again, and then the sickening shot I knew was coming. I see Sawyer waltz his way out of the tent as Jack rushes forward, says something angrily to Sawyer, and then run into the tent. I know the US Marshall is suffering, and I know the amount of guilt Sawyer feels. What I can’t predict is Jack running out of the tent and towards me.

“Amelia!” He gasps once he reaches me, “You gotta come help, it’s the US Marshall, Sawyer-“

“Yeah I know,” I say quickly, “I heard the shot. I was watching the whole time.”

“Well come on then,” Jack says hurriedly and I push myself off the sand and jog quickly toward the infirmary tent. Once we arrive I can see Sawyer looking guiltily towards the tent.

“You shot him in the chest?” Jack says to Sawyer angrily.

“I was aiming for his heart,” Sawyer replies guiltily.

“You missed.”

“Man, is he still breathing?” Hurley asks.

“You perforated his lung,” Jack states, “It'll take hours to bleed out.”

“So what is—I only had one bullet,” Sawyer says.

“That’s enough Sawyer, please leave now,” I say as gently as possibly.

Hurley leaves with an, “Oh boy,” and Sawyer follows him.

“What do we do Doc?” I ask, wincing at the bad timing of the nickname.

“We have to put him out of his misery,” Jack answers.

“How are you gonna do that?”

“I have to suffocate him,” Jack states and I look at the Marshall. I don’t know him well enough to want to call him Mars.

“Jack…” I begin but he cuts me off.

“Hold his hand, will you?” He says and I nod silently, unable to form words.

I kneel down on the ground and hold the Marshall’s hand, he grips me back tightly and I hold in a yelp of pain. I close my eyes tightly as the Marshall thrashes a bit under the weight of whatever Jack is using to suffocate him. Suddenly it stops, and I yank my probably bruised hand away from the dead Marshall’s. I stand shakily as Jack slowly removed the airline blanket from the Marshall’s face. He looks guilty.

“It had to be done Jack,” I say quietly, as if I’m going to somehow wake the Marshall up. Jack says nothing and walks out of the tent. I stay behind for a moment, only to close the Marshall’s eyes. I shiver, I’m not meant to work with the dead.

I walk out of the infirmary tent and slowly back to my own, passing people along the way. I don’t look at them. I wonder if they knew what I had to do, I’m sure they know I helped Jack. Do they know I held a dying man’s hand? I look for Sawyer but I don’t see him. He must be in his tent already. I wander back to mine, feeling like I’m in a daze. I bash myself for being so affected by this, it shouldn’t be that serious. I barely knew him. I stumble into my tent and lay down, roughly pulling up my blanket and finally slipping into an uneasy sleep with the moans of the dying Marshall flitting in and out.

In the morning I wake up far past anyone else, and can see Jack and Kate already talking. That means Locke found Vincent and already told Michael about it, and I glance around the beach camp to see if I can spot the father and son. When I realize I can’t, I set to work securing my tent flaps open to let the ocean air in and filter the nasty air out. I smile as Sayid tossed Sawyer an apple, and he beckons me over to share it with him. I brace myself for another day.

LOST

[amillionmillionvoices]

i couldn’t stop myself. river/doctor fic, based on steven moffat’s dream final episode. tooth rotting fluff, this is. pg. 

time is everything, time is nothing, time is ours

She’s been dying for weeks. 

Slowly, painfully, using the last of her regeneration energy to stave off death. For good, this time—her last body, last go around. She supposes it’s fitting, that her final hours would be spent trying, once again, to defeat them. It makes her a bit sour, if she thinks about it too long—there are so many things she’d rather be doing, people she’d rather be with—but she can’t leave. Not now. Not when this little planet needs her, and, she supposes, if she’s going to die for good she wants to die the way she’s always lived—saving the universe. 

Being an idiot, the voice in her head says, one that still, after so many lives, sounds suspiciously like her wife. 

The Doctor smirks to herself, and tries to avoid the screeching behind her, the door that won’t hold much longer. She tries to tune out their cries, familiar and robotic, with that hint of frenzy she’s never quite understood. 

She understands it now. Their desperation. 

The Dalek fleet is the last of its kind—the rest, destroyed in this grand battle, the one she’s been waging—leading—for years. The Doctor’s Last Stand, they’re calling it. It sounds far too dramatic for her tastes, but it’s not entirely off point. She’ll die here, she knows—on this Dalek ship, by Dalek weapons, alone. 

It’s for the best, really. 

The people fighting down below, they’re counting on her. Not to destroy the ship—no, that would be too easy, or perhaps, too hard, she isn’t sure which. No, the plan is much more ridiculous, much more her style. The Captain of the army had called it ludicrous. 

She likes that a bit. 

Behind her, sparks fly as the Daleks burn down the door, and she knows she has so little time left. 

Typing quickly, she does her best to ignore the searing pain in her side, the pounding in her head she’s felt for days. Everything hurts with the effort of not dying, and there’s no regeneration energy left to pull at her skin. But she has to try. Has to give just one more thing to the universe, and pray that it works. 

Yanking out wires and entering codes, the Doctor finally manages to find what she’s looking for—access to the hive mind. Clara had found it once, when she was an echo, and the idea has lingered so long, just out of reach. There’s no way to destroy them all—she’s tried that before, and always failed. She’s tried deleting herself, but they always remember. She’s tried time locks and explosions and everything else, and they always come back.

This time, she’s trying something new. This time, she’s going to change them. 

Groaning when she finds the slippery entrails, Dalek bits that writhe and slither, the Doctor keys in the last few commands, and takes a deep breath. 

Geronimo, she thinks, from somewhere in her memory, and smiles, and plunges her hand into the mainframe. It’s frankly disgusting, and she makes what she’s certain is a horrible face, but it’s only a moment before the Daleks realize she’s there, in their heads, and they scream. Scream, and fight, and the Doctor slams her eyes shut and tries to breathe. 

She’s always thought about giving the Daleks a piece of her mind, she just never meant literally. 

But she can feel it, feel their anger and their hatred, feel everything they abhor. It tries to sink into her, a two-way link, and she pushes back against it, fights it with everything she has, and remembers: 

Ian and Barbara, their strength and their love. Ace, and the Brigadier, and Martha, and Kate and their bravery, their fierce protectiveness, their love. She thinks about Clara and Danny, dying for love. Thinks about Bill, finding love after death. She thinks about Rose and her happy life with another version of her, in love. Thinks of Amy and Rory and their undying love and Jenny and her love and Yaz and her love and Ryan and his love and Graham and Grace and their love and Susan and Mickey and Sarah Jane and all of their heart, their kindness, their generosity, their love. She thinks of Donna and her love, her mercy, of Davros, and mercy, and the Master, and mercy, the Cybermen, and mercy, the Daleks, and mercy.  She fills her head and her hearts with every moment, every memory from her long, long life of love and mercy and kindness. 

She can feel the Daleks fighting back, feels them claw at her mind; part of her is aware the door behind her is caving in, but she needs more time. 

She thinks of Jack and Jackie and Adric and Romana and Wilfred and Nardole. She thinks of Astrid and Rita and Jabe and Nasreen and anyone and everyone she’s ever loved, who’s ever loved her, who’s ever loved anyone at all and pushes it all toward the Daleks.  

Blew them up with love, she thinks, though she isn’t trying to kill them, not this time. Just trying to save them. Maybe that was the answer all along. 

And maybe it wasn’t. 

She isn’t sure, but she knows it’s getting harder and harder to fight, to prove to them that it’s worth it—all the pain and loss and suffering that comes with kindness. 

So she does what she knows she needs to, though she’s reluctant—desperate, almost, to keep her to herself, to share not a moment of their lives together; but she can’t think about love and not think about her, so she lets it spill over, all those times: 

America, and Leadworth, and Stormcage. She thinks of Asgard and Trenzalore and Elvis. She thinks of Sontarans and she laughs and thinks of the Library and she cries. She thinks of Darillium, and smiles so wide her face hurts more than the pain in her chest, her lungs. She thinks of 24 years and so, so much longer, nipping off in the TARDIS for adventures. She thinks of River’s smile and River’s warm hands and River’s skin. She thinks of River getting ready for bed, wrestling with her hair, River getting up in the mornings, grumpy as all hell. She thinks of dancing with River under so many stars, and catching her every time she jumped or fell. She thinks of I hate you and you’re standing right behind me and loving the stars themselves. She thinks of not one line and more than any living thing in the universe and or you and when one’s in love and this is the reason above all I love him, my husband. My madman in a box. My Doctor. 

She thinks of next stop, everywhere, and behind her, the door comes down. 

She can hear them, the hiss, the almost questioned, exterminate? that doesn’t sound so sure, and yet when she looks over her shoulder there’s a gun aimed at her chest and frantically, she tries to remember more, remember louder and more clearly and more lovingly because they’re almost there, almost, so close—

The Dalek aims, and the Doctor shuts her eyes. 

The gun goes off, and she waits for pain and failure and death. 

Instead, the Dalek groans, and the Doctor opens one eye, confused. 

“Really? An end of the world battle and you didn’t call me? I’m insulted, sweetie.” 

Her voice is a surge of oxygen, sunlight and joy. The Doctor can’t help the smile the splits her cheeks—there’s recognition in River’s voice, fondness and devotion and worry, always, but determination, too. 

“And what sort of time do you call this?” The Doctor echos, and River steps around the Dalek, holstering her weapon. 

“The nick of it, I’d say.” 

“As always,” the Doctor agrees, wants to pull her in close, but pain spikes through her head, and she can feel the Dalek’s fighting back. She hisses, turns her attention back to the mainframe and grits her teeth. 

River appears at her side in less than a second, a steadying hand on her arm. 

“What have you done?”

“Ah,” the Doctor says, wincing in anticipation of River���s ire. “About that.”

It only takes her wife a moment to figure it out, to realize what she’s doing, and River gasps. “You idiot! You’ll burn yourself up!”

The Doctor shrugs. “Last regeneration,” she says, half her focus on keeping the Daleks—all that anger, all that hate—at bay. “I’m dying anyway.”

“No, you’re not,” River snaps, “Let me do it.”

The Doctor glares. “Not a chance.”

“Doctor—” Her voice is desperate, terrified, and the Doctor tries to smile, to be kind. 

“No, really, River. I’m dying. Have been for weeks. I’m on borrowed time.”

River’s eyes flicker over her body, looking for wounds. She won’t be able to see it—the shot she took to the stomach, courtesy of a lone Dalek—but River reads her face, the calm acceptance, and knows. 

Still, she shakes her head. “It’s not too late. We can get you to hospital—”

“And leave all these people?”

“Yes,” River says, but she doesn’t sound so sure, and the Doctor smiles. 

“Liar.”

River makes a kind of desperate sound, one that tears through her. “There has to be something—”

The Doctor shakes her head. “There’s no stopping it, River, not this time. I’m sorry.”

It’s the apology, she thinks, more than anything else, that makes River break, her expression falling, bright tears in her eyes. 

“No,” she says, tightening her grip on the Doctor’s arm. “I can’t let you die.”

“River,” she says, so soft, and with her free hand, pulls her closer, their hips pressed together. She reaches up, and brushes a stray tear from River’s cheek with her thumb. “Where are we, then?”

River swallows. “Last time I saw you was the Bone Meadows.”

Her Eleventh self, she thinks, and remembers: River, still in prison, still learning. Himself, still trying to prove something to her, both of them right at the start of such wonderful falling. 

“You’ve got so much more to come,” she promises. 

River bites her lip, and a surge of affection flows through the Doctor at the sight. “We could have more now,” she tries, but the Doctor shakes her head, leans forward, and kisses River’s cheek. 

“Soon enough,” she promises, and River nods, and finally looks down at the wiring, the open Dalek wound the Doctor is currently hooked up to. 

“What can I do?” she asks, so brave, so kind. 

The Doctor doesn’t think about it, not for a moment. “Give us a kiss?”

River half laughs, but doesn’t hesitate, leans forward and slides her hand into the Doctor’s hair and kisses her, soft and salty and she’s trembling slightly, and the Doctor pulls her in tighter, curls her free hand around the back of River’s neck and opens her mouth, kisses her harder. 

River whimpers, hands clinging to the Doctor and she’s warm and soft and safe and alive, so so alive under the Doctor’s hands and she loves her, has loved her for centuries, millennia, will love her forever. 

She thinks of the screwdriver tucked safely in her pocket, the code she’d written, not two days ago, and prays that it works. 

Under her hands, River moans softly and the Doctor grins against her lips, nips at her gently, refuses to let go. If it’s her last chance, her last moments, this is where she wants to be, who she wants to be with. 

She supposes maybe the universe isn’t so terrible, after all. 

There’s a spark, and a surge that knocks them backwards, the Doctor’s hand, burnt and bloodied, flying from the console. 

“No,” she says, “no, no, no—”

“Doctor, look.”

She pauses, and follows River’s gaze out the large window to the planet below. Everything has stopped. The explosions. Even the ship is silent. And then, the crackle over the speakers, a familiar voice with a strange humility. 

“Mercy,” it says. Below, the Daleks start to withdraw. “We bring mercy.”

The Doctor laughs. It may not work for good, may not last long, but the Daleks are retreating, or turning to each other, to the people, and she can hear bits of questions, “How can we help you?” and “We mean no harm.”

“What happened?” River asks. “Are they—?”

“Good, now,” The Doctor says. “At least for a while. At least as good as I am.”

River smiles. “The best, then.”

“Only with you,” she answers softly, and River shakes her head. 

“Sentimental idiot.”

The Doctor makes to answer, but pain overwhelms her and her knees buckle. She hears River cry out, feels hands lower her gently, but she isn’t on the cold floor, where she though she’d be. River cradles her head in her lap, brushing her fingers through her hair. 

“Please, sweetie—”

The Doctor grips her hand and forces her eyes open, wants to see her one last time. 

“River.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

Her hearts break, and she reaches a shaky hand to River’s face, holds her cheek in her palm. “I need—I need you to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

“The TARDIS. Bury me in it, and leave her… on Trenzalore.”

“Trenzalore? Why—”

“Long story,” she says. “Has to be lived. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“You’ll be the only one… who can open it.”

“How?”

“Spoilers.”

River glares, but the Doctor smiles, even through the pain. With her free hand, she grips River’s tightly. 

“I can’t—” River shudders. “I can’t do this without you.”

The Doctor shakes her head. “You‘ll never have to. It’s okay,” she murmurs. “You've got so much more to come. You and me, River. Time and space.” 

“Promise?” she whispers. 

“I promise.” The Doctor coughs, and it hurts so badly, but River is there, and she’s like sunlight through the dark. “Darillium.”

“What?”

“Make sure I take you,” she says breathlessly. “Don’t go without me.”

“I won’t.”

She feels one of her hearts give out, and draws in a ragged breath. “River.”

“I know,” she says, and there are tears on her cheeks as she cradles the Doctor close. “I know, sweetie.”

“Tired,” she manages, and forces her eyes open. “But happy.”

River exhales. “Only you would be happy to die.”

The Doctor shakes her head. “Happy you’re here. My wife.”

“Always.”

With all her strength, the Doctor curls her fingers in River’s hair and rugs her down gently. “You watch us run, love.”

The last thing she feels is River’s lips against her own, River’s hand in hers. 

—

Waiting for River is tedious at best. He’s got a new body now, such as it is, made up of lines and code. He needs glasses—well, not really, but he thinks they make him look rather distinguished—and he’s partial to suits. He takes care of Charlotte as best he can, but the mainframe is overwhelmed and even he can’t fix it from the inside. He knows it’s only a matter of time, however, and tries to be patient. 

He’s a bit better at it this go around, but the way time moves is agonizing, feels awful under his skin and he can’t quite grasp anything, any moment. The years tick by, or maybe it’s only hours, he isn’t sure, and then there’s a surge, and the computer feels like it’s rebooting or dying or maybe neither and then—

Everything calms. The itch under his skin goes away, replaced by an entirely new anticipation. 

He follows Charlotte outside to the courtyard, blue skies everywhere, green grass, and blessed stillness. 

She appears in white, which he can’t help but find a but humorous, a bit fitting. 

“The Doctor fixed the data core,” Charlotte says, and brings River her friends, which, while he’s happy for her, makes him just a tad jealous, for the way she recognizes them and hugs them close. 

He waits, answers their questions dutifully, gives them a tour of the mansion, explains how it works, now that they’re not quite alive, not quite dead. River keeps her eyes on him the whole time, something discerning, calculating in her gaze, but she’s a bit distracted, and he supposes that’s only fair. 

He waits until everyone disperses to find their rooms and settle in before he turns to her, forcing back a smile. “Professor Song, might I have a word?”

River nods, and follows him into the backyard—there are tables and chairs and beautiful bird baths and all kinds of quaint things he can’t wait to show her, doesn’t care about at all right now. 

“How are you feeling?”

“A bit overwhelmed,” she admits. “I never thought—though of course he would, that daft man.”

“Are you happy?”

He holds his breath as she blinks, looks startled by the question. 

“To be alive? Certainly.”

“To be here,” he amends, and tries not to shift his weight. 

River stares off into the distance for a long moment. “I could be, I suppose. It’s just—” She shakes her head, and gives him a wane smile. “I’ve never been fond of confined spaces. Staying in one place.” She shrugs. “I’ll get used to it.” 

The Doctor steels himself. “You seemed content enough on Darillium.” 

River’s neck snaps up and her gaze hardens, so suspicious, his wife. 

“How could you know about—”

He smiles. Soft and warm, and with every ounce of devotion he has in him. 

“Doctor?” Her voice cracks. “How can you be—”

“You didn’t really think I’d let you spend eternity without me?” he chides softly. “I’m much too selfish for that.”

River makes a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob and throws her arms around his neck. He nearly wilts, holding her so close, buries his face in her hair and breathes her in and she feels solid, feels warm and alive and real and part of him can’t believe it worked, it all worked, and they’re here and together and—

She slaps him, hard, and he grunts, and rubs at his cheek. “I suppose I deserved—” he starts, and then she’s kissing him, mindless of his new face, his new body made of code; mindless of anything or anyone around them. She kisses him fiercely, desperately, arms around his neck and he holds her so tight he’s afraid she might bruise. 

“My River,” he whispers against her lips when she finally parts to breathe. “My wife.”

“Doctor,” she murmurs. “You’re here.”

“Where else would I be, dear?” he asks, and she shudders in his arms. “We’re alive.” 

[world-of-horrors-au]

Horrors AU - Into the Wolves’ Den

Part 2 of the ‘Briar VS Proxies’ story. Part 1 here.

TW: mentions of violence, ask to tag

No one ever told her proxies were as strong as Horrors. There was no way to pull away from Hoodie's grip. Not that she wanted to try. The moonlight glinted off the rifle in his other hand. He'd been willing to use it before on her. Even if she somehow got away, he'd shoot her down before she could get far. And then, what would happen to her? Would he carry her away? Or would he shoot her in the head? Even a Horror couldn't survive that.

Briar had no choice but to follow him wherever he was taking her.

They were the loudest things in the Forest. More her than him. Hoodie dodged past trees and avoided branches with skilled practice. Everything broke under Briar's feet. She was trained to sneak through buildings, not nature. If it annoyed Hoodie, he didn't say it. He didn't say anything to her at all.

She drew in a breath, tasting the wood and heat in the air.

"Are you going to kill me?" Briar asked.

"Shut up," Hoodie said. The iron grip tightened, and she cringed. "No," he added, his grip relaxing. "But if you don't do what we want, you'll wish we would."

Swallowing, Briar nodded. Do what they want. Do whatever they wanted. What other choice did she have? They could hurt the others if she acted out. He says they wouldn't kill her, but that didn't mean much. Jeff taught her all about the things you could do to someone without killing them.

Oh, Jeff… her heart ached at the thought of her mentor. If only she'd listened to him. 

“Please,” she said, looking at him. “Something’s wrong. Do you know where-”

“Are you deaf?” Hoodie snapped. “I said shut up!”

Briar flinched away. Hoodie took a deep breath.

“I’ve noticed it too,” He said, in a steady, growling voice. “I know your friends are gone. But it’s not my job to care about them. I have my orders, and they involve getting you taken care of.”

She shuddered. 

“If you say anything else,” Hoodie said, tone darkening, “Without me addressing you first, I’m going to break your leg and make you walk the rest of the way there. Keep your mouth shut. Got it?”

Images of her teenage years flashed through her head. When she was fifteen, she’d dislocated her knee at a survivor’s camp. The camp’s major decided the injury was her own fault, and told the medics not to help her. The next two weeks were agony, Briar barely able to move, but still forced to walk and stand and sit with the others. They told her the pain was her weakness leaving her body. It was only when they were short on hands that the major decided to have her knee popped into place to help build the security wall. Her biological family wasn’t there to help her, just like her real family wasn’t here to save her now.

She’d never forgotten what it was like to dislocate her knee. And breaking a leg was worse. Now her body healed faster than before, so it wouldn’t be two weeks of suffering, but if she could avoid any extra pain… Was that considered cowardice? Then she must be a coward.

Briar nodded. Hoodie snorted, yanked her forward, and walked faster through the trees. She forced herself to keep up.

She knew the Forest was massive, and maybe it was the fear talking, but this walk seemed to take longer than any she'd taken before. The silence hurt. All the questions she had circled through her head, like echoes. She wanted Jeff. She wanted Eyeless Jack and Ben, and Laughing Jack, too, even if he drove her crazy. What was she going to do? How was she going to survive this? She should've listened to Jeff…

Through the trees, light caught her eye. Briar tensed, refocusing her attention. Wherever he was taking her must be up ahead, and if she got out and wanted to find it again, she had to focus.

She wasn't prepared for it.

Briar had only seen buildings as big as this in the cities. She'd heard about old manors, pre-fall mansions, that could've housed over twenty people, and employed over fifty just to take care of it. Huge and gray, it stood as tall as the trees, three stories of windows and balconies, carved monsters perched on the roof, beautiful and hideous, a disaster of design and existence. It shouldn't still be standing, ivy clutching every wall, glass windows shattered or missing. The wood was rotting, the brick crumbling. And yet there were lights on, she could see them shine by either side of the front door. How? 

Her feet almost stumbled on the first stone but Hoodie didn't let her fall, hauling her up and forward. Briar's stomach twisted, looking down at her shoes as they stumbled over the once impressive pavement, now overgrown with weeds and grass.

They live here, Briar thought. Like Jeff told me.

Hoodie was taking her to the other proxies, and what was going to happen to her then? Would they tear her apart like they did when they executed a Horror? Or would it be a slow torture, a gradual fall into despair, or worse? 

As they stepped up the stairs, someone laughed from the inside. Briar inhaled the hot summer air and bit her lip. She couldn’t show fear. She had to be like Jeff. But as Hoodie yanked the door open, and a cold breeze slammed into her face, Briar realized a stoney expression wasn’t going to happen.

The entry hall went silent as they crossed into the manor. Goosebumps pricked along her skin, Briar shivering in the sudden chill. She didn’t look up at the assembled proxies but she felt their eyes, their surprise, on her. Briar kept her eyes to the floor, following Hoodie as he led her deeper into the manor without a word to his allies. He bypassed the stairs, heading down a hall, and behind them, footsteps followed.

She only looked up when they came to a stop. A generic brown door stood in front of her. Hoodie yanked it open. Releasing her arm, he shoved her back, hard enough to bruise. Crying out, Briar fell into the room, hitting the dirty floor with a pained yelp. A shadow fell over her, and with a click she could feel, gloved hands removed the handcuffs. The shadow straightened again and behind her, the door slammed shut. She twisted to look over her shoulder just in time to hear something lock.

“That takes care of that,” Hoodie said on the other side. “For now.”

“What the hell are you thinking?!” A man shouted. “Why did you bring her here?!”

“You know damn well why I did, Masky,” Hoodie replied. “She’s not going to give us any more problems now. The plan can continue without being interrupted for the third fucking time.”

Briar pushed herself up to her hands and knees, turning to press against the door to listen.

“So you kidnapped her,” the man replied, the anger burning in his voice. “To get her out of the way.”

“We’re not keeping her, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Hoodie said. “She’s not a pet. We teach her a lesson about minding her own business, finish the plan, and let her go. She’s smart. She’ll learn.”

“Hoodie, how are we going to feed her? We barely have enough food for ourselves,” Masky said. “And none of our dungeons are ready for prisoners. The only one with a shower is still wrecked after Toby’s bullshit.”

“I said I’d fix it!” A third, younger male voice said, and Briar winced. “I’ve got the stuff. I just don’t have enough hands.”

“Could’ve said you needed help,” Masky said.

“Easy,” Hoodie warned. “Beastie, Skully, you’re going to help Toby fix the dungeon. Kate, you’re going to get her supplies. Masky, you and I are going grocery shopping - tomorrow. We don’t need to worry about her tonight.”

“Thank the reaper,” a woman, Kate presumably, said in a dry voice.

“We’re just going to leave her in there all night?” Masky said.

“Yeah,” Hoodie said. “She’s a Horror, she’ll manage. Though since you give a shit, you get first dibs.”

“What? No!” Masky said.

“Shut up, I’m being nice. The rest of you have to wait your turns, got it?”

The group beyond the door grumbled, their voices blending together to the point Briar couldn’t understand what they were saying. Their voices joined with their footsteps, fading into the silence that surrounded her. Briar pulled away from the door.

She wasn’t in a big room. Actually, it was probably a large closet. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness as she listened to the conversation, but looking around revealed very little. A few empty boxes, a pile of rags in the corner, that was it. And it wasn’t any warmer than the entryway had been.

Briar leaned against the door and hugged herself. Her eyes closed. They weren’t going to kill her. They’d let her go but only after they’d ‘taught her a lesson’, a phrase she’d heard before in her life, and it never failed to make her sick to her stomach. A long term stay, long enough to need food, supplies, a bathroom. God, how could she have let herself be captured? What was she going to do?

Still hugging herself, Briar pulled away from the door and paced. Whatever the proxies were going to do to her, it would hurt, and there wasn’t much she could do about it. They wanted revenge - but for what? She’d only seen the proxies in passing outside of skirmishes in and out of the Forest. Had she angered them somehow? They acted like she knew what she was doing the whole time, but she couldn’t think of anything she’d done to them. She certainly never attacked first, and if she learned about a plan, she wouldn’t try to stop it, she’d try to learn more about it and tell the others.

The others… Briar wiped a hand over her face. The men she loved, and who loved her and each other. Where were they right now? Were they hurt? Were they captured? Were they… dead? No, she wouldn’t think about that, she wouldn’t even consider that. They couldn’t be dead, and they weren’t going to die. They survived the Horrors War, whatever happened, they could survive. And she could survive this ordeal, even if it hurt.

She pressed her forehead against the cold, off white wall. The hardest part would be sleeping, if she could, was allowed, to sleep at all. It’d been months since she last slept alone. There was nothing sexual about it, Horrors cuddled when they slept, a tangle of limbs and breathing under the sheets. Usually it was Jeff, sleeping next to her back to back. Sometimes it was Eyeless Jack, with Jeff or alone with her. Laughing Jack rolled on top of her sometimes in the night, his body as light as a teddy bear. Ben didn’t sleep but he’d let her put her head in his lap while he played his games. And when they could, they’d all pile into her bed at once. And it was nice. It was right.

The tears burned her eyes. There was no one to see them, but she fought them at first. But her body always won. The tears flowed down, hot against her chilled skin. Briar swallowed a sob. She couldn’t let them hear her, she wouldn’t give them that pleasure. 

Stumbling towards the pile of rags, Briar collapsed into it, leaning into the corner behind her. She covered her face with both hands, and let herself hurt.

I’ll get out, she comforted herself as she wept in silence. This isn’t my end. I’ll get out.

And if the eyes watching from the darkness judged her for crying, they were quiet about it.

[luuuna-rambles]

Lost Rewatch: 2x23 Live Together, Die Alone, Part 1

Where, in literally two scenes, I am more invested in the romance between two side characters, one of which we meet just this episode, then the love triangle between the three main characters that the writers have been ramming down our throats for two goddamn seasons

Woah, hang on. One frame, Sayid has his shirt on, then it cuts very briefly to the boat, and then we go back to Sayid and his shirt has... disintegrated?

Okay, Ana Lucia might be the best character of the season, but Desmond is the best character of the entire show. And the fact that one shows up properly during the other’s funeral is all at once ironic, amusing, and infuriating

Thing This Show Never Explains #8: What did Desmond do to get him locked up? We’re told later that is was because he’s ‘bad at following orders’, but what did he do specifically?

Hey, remember this posh twat we thought was an incidental character? Well, turns out he’s a major antagonist a season from now! Who woulda’ thunk it?

So, is Penny getting married or not? Cause at no point do we see the guys she’s supposedly going to marry, nor is she married at any point later, nor is the fact that she was engaged at one point brought up ever again. So, was Widmore lying? If that’s the case, why doesn’t Penny question Desmond when he asks her about it later?

So is Locke pissed that Eko is pushing the button, or that he stole his catchphrase?

Wait, so if the actress playing Libby got killed off cause of some real-life car trouble or something, what is she doing here?

Desmond’s hypothetical boat costs £42000

Desmond has 8 months to get in shape

Kate asks Sawyer ‘Since when did you and Jack start talking about me?’. Kate, have you been in the same show I’ve been watching?

That’s all they do at this point!

Okay, why bring up the Did the random bird say Hurley’s name? question if the answer is just No, it was a coincidence?

I love Jin’s little shrug to Sayid when Sun says she’s coming too. Sun does whatever the hell she wants, and we thank her for it!

Desmond, just tell her that her dad was hiding your letters

Actually, Desmond seems to not tell her to spare her or something, judging by the look on his face. But then after she confirms that she is getting married, he says that he’ll be back in a year. So what is he trying to say?

Also, why do you need your honour back, Zuko? Penny clearly doesn’t give a shit

Also also, during The Constant, which happens before this, Penny seems super pissed at Des, and just wants him to leave her alone. Yet here she seems to want his back, despite the fact that, from her point of view, he hasn’t written to her once

However despite the fact that this scene is confusing as fuck, and the only scene with Penny present all episode, the two actors make this relationship believable instantly

So last we saw, Jin seemed pretty chill with Sun coming. Yet here we learn that he asked her not to

Thing This Show Never Explains #9: why does that statue have four (4) toes?

Also, Sayid, why do you give a shit that most of the statue is gone? It’s right by the shore - for all you know, it could have just been a big wave

Do the coincidences never end? However, yet again, this cameo doesn’t quite make sense

So officially, the Purge of the DHARMA Initiative happens in 1987, and so Kelvin Inman must have been in the Hatch since then, and probably a bit before, since the Incident was in 1977

However if we look at Sayid’s timeline, he spent the next 6 years after encountering Inman as a tourtuer. He then spent the next 8 years looking for Nadia, then the crash happens. 2004 - 8 - 6 = 1990 as the year in which Inman and Sayid meet

Therefore, Inman is in the Hatch and in Iraq at the same time

Also, the stuff that happens in Desmonds flashbacks doesn’t line up at all with what Desmond said happened at the start of the season

Desmond said that he woke up on the beach, Inman shows up, they both run to the Hatch, the alarm is already going off, and Inman immediately presses the button

Here, Des is unconscious, gets dragged into the Hatch, wakes up, has a short conversation with Inman, and then Inman goes to press the button

Why the hell would Radzinsky cut out bits of the Orientation video? Especially as all he cut out was ‘don’t use the computer for anything other then pushing the button’

Yooo, Kate being smart! Kate and Sawyer working together to shoot some fools!

It’s very clear that this was originally aired as one long episode - the end of Part 1 comes out of nowhere

Overall Review:

The first time watching this, it bewildered me. The finale of the season, and we’re focusing on this random incidental character? But this time round, I know who Desmond is, and I like him, so the flashbacks are a lot more fun. It’s strange to think that, of all Desmond’s episodes, this one is the least weird

Overall Rating: 6.1/10

[selkiewife]

Thoughts on Harlots 3x06 

*spoilers below*

I think this show has finally broke me.

Jack Lively sold into fucking slavery? 

Maggie leaving Nancy again and telling every single person that BREATHES that Nancy was the one who shot Isaac... Again, Mags:

LYDIA AND MAGS HAVING A MOMENT OF TENDERNESS ???

Stray Thoughts:

I’m worried about the Harriet and Jack Lively arc. It was so brutal because he was poised to be successful and happy in love and then in a SECOND it is all literally “snatched” away from him. His whole life became a nightmare in one moment. It was heartbreaking. I worry though, since there are only two more episodes, it will not be enough time to do this story justice. I kind of wanted to see more exploration of Harriet actually running her brothel and I feel like that story has been too peripheral as it is. I don’t know what their plans are, but at the moment I am feeling disappointed and actually very depressed about the turn in that story. I don’t know- what do you all think?

I know that everyone probably thinks I give Mags way too hard a time and I do. But what people probably don’t know is that Mags is my second favorite character after Nance. I am fucking fascinated by this mess of a woman. I mean, in this season alone she has reached near Theon levels of disaster in the way she literally makes every bad situation ten times worse. I don’t know what it is, but that just DOES IT FOR ME. Plus she has the best laugh on the show- even though we haven’t heard it in like two seasons (I was watching Season 1 earlier and I sometimes wish Harlots was just Mags and Nance laughing and drinking together- with Nance of course leaving every now and then to go lash some cull in the next room and then come back to Mags like, “anyway where was I?”) I feel like Mags finally heard what her family was telling her about how much destruction she has caused and she was trying to make it right by leaving and taking the blame for Isaac’s death. It reminded me of Mags’ apology to Charlotte last season. Mags breaks my heart because she is similar to Lydia in that she is a product of her environment- she is so much better than her mother was and Lydia was- but because they were so horrendous, that is still not good. But she constantly strives to break the cycle of abuse and almost gets there. I think that is why Lydia and Margaret’s scene was so full of mutual understanding, it was like Mags understood that she had become like Lydia to her girls. 

Speaking of Lydia. I haven’t talked enough about her but she wins all the awards for introspection this episode. But it makes complete sense because she just witnessed two deaths- Charlotte’s and Mrs. May. I think both of these deaths made her think about the way she, herself, wants to die. She wants to die like Charlotte, holding Kate’s hand. She does not want to go out like Mrs. May, hated and despised. So I think that what she feels for Kate is very true. She wants to be a true mother to her and protect her- but she is not going to change completely. She’s just going to try to be good to this one person in her life. Lydia continues to be a fascinating character to watch and learn more about.

Harlots fam I have not forgotten about wanting to sort the Harlots characters into Hogwarts houses and I still intend to do that after the 3rd season ends. But Cherry has thrown me for a loop since I originally had her in Slytherin. I still want her there because, I am a Slytherin myself and I want all the cool people in my house obviously. But damn, she was getting all Hufflpuffy when she revealed her “goals” of having a cull that didn’t want her to piss on her shoes and also to find someone “to love her true.” But the reason I originally had her in Slytherin is how cunning she is and how she is loyal to herself and her own survival first and foremost (and who can blame her?) and she’s so resourceful- selling condoms one day, flowers for Charlotte’s funeral the next. Anyway, send me your thoughts...

There continues to be a lot of parallel filming between Kate and Charlotte- like the way she was fucking the prince against that tree paralleling Charlotte and Isaac for example. Kate is another one- I originally thought she was a Hufflepuff because of her sweet loyalty to Lydia but now I’m thinking she is solidly in the Slytherin house... 

Okay I think I shall check out from this post since it is devolving into Harry Potter... but wait!

I forgot to talk about Nancy! She broke my heart this episode again. I loved the scene between her and Isabella. I think it is so interesting that she has these firmly held beliefs about murder and how it is a cowardly act. I really respect her for thinking that even though I myself identified more with what Lady Isabella was saying. I also thought it was very beautiful that Nancy was able to open up to Lady Isabella when she never opens up to anyone. Also can I just say- the scene were Nance is standing behind Lady Isabella- they already look like a power couple haha.

But holy shit when she said goodbye to Margaret! 💔 💔  When Margaret said “You’ve been my whole life, Nancy Birch.” Y’all my heart broke as hard as when Nancy said, “I love your ma, you silly cunt,” last season. I understand why she didn’t, but damn I would have run after Margaret. Though I was proud of Nancy for not doing that. But... ughhh. That can’t be the end can it?? 

And then Nance’s scene with Fanny- oh! And can we just talk about how Fanny practically smothered her cull so that baby Kitty wouldn’t see her mum tupping someone haha. That was some much needed humor since things have gotten so ridiculously depressing on this show. But anyway, Nance’s scene with Fanny- I loved it. I loved that they will join forces to run the house. Now, am I the only one who would like this house to be a Discipline House? They were super popular in those days, and so far, Nancy is the only dominatrix we’ve come across. Can you just imagine- Nance teaching Fanny and Lucy how to be dominatrices? Lucy would be SO magnificent at this- she already loves torturing her clients... and there were a lot of courtesans that specialized in it. And after watching this episode and considering other scenes of Fanny’s- I think she would be an amazing domme as well!  GIVE ME THIS SUBPLOT YOU COWARDS.

[gutsybitsies]

Bullet fic

scifi au, kinda: Bitty was kidnapped by a group for superpower experimentation, and presumed dead by everyone, including his husband. When he finally manages to escape, Jack’s moved on without him. Warnings for human experimentation (not very graphic), and presumed character death. This turned out to be very, very long. 

It’s years after Bitty graduated and he and Jack are married. As in, jack proposed and they got their marriage license immediately afterwards. they’re planning on jack coming out soon and holding a huge wedding reception after. 

jack’s signed a no trade clause and bought this nice, huge house a few blocks away from marty’s place. there’s a yard. jack built bitty a patio, and he built a swing set “for the kids in the future”

one day bitty’s invited to a fancy party with some other college alumns, and faulty wiring and a gas leak in the building blows everything up and theyre all pronounced dead or missing. bitty was one of the missing bc they couldn’t find anything in there that identified as him. 

but they weren’t actually dead or caught in the explosion: they were taken by a group who needed human bodies to experiment powers and run tests on. while bitty’s being strapped to a gurney and reliving his worst nightmare of being trapped, jack’s suffering a panic attack because he just got news that his husband died in a freak accident

it gets long loll. 

bitty doesnt remember most of the experimentation, because they have him under anaesthesia and hypnosis and a number of other drugs. he does notice that the group of scientists were trying to create humans with superpowers, and most of the test experiments react badly and die. 

the alumn group do well, as in most of them don’t die when injected with the drugs. some even exhibit powers, such as super strength, etc. 

nothing happens with bitty. he’s poked and prodded and injected and nothing happens to him. it’s painful, but he doesn’t die, but he also doesnt exhibit any kind of ability. 

that’s weird, so the scientists decide to basically freeze him away until further notice, and he’s begging and crying for them not to put him in the small and cramped cryo-unit, but of course there’s no recourse. 

the next thing he knows, the door is opening and someone from somewhere called “samwell”, a government agency, is rescuing him from this hellhole. 

they take him to a private hospital, and he sees himself in the mirror for the first time in a while. and he’s hideous. his face was riddled with scars, and his eyes look dead and sunken. 

the samwell agency has already sent out notifications to his family that he’s been found, because he’s been missing around five years, so technically there was an ongoing search for him and he wasn’t pronounced dead yet. 

and meanwhile bitty catches up to the world. and he finds out that jack zimmermann has a public fianceè. 

jack had come out as bisexual, had created a foundation in the name of eric bittle for lgbt youth, and had moved on from him apparently.

jack did all the right things. he grieved, and he grieved. he gave himself time for the loss, he dedicated time and energy to making sure eric bittle was remembered, he stayed in contact with friends and family, he joined support groups and did grief counseling and got better. 

and he met someone, and fell in love again, and is planning on a life together with Katy. bitty’s heart broke as he scrolled through happy instagram and twitter posts by Katy about her beautiful boyfriend jack zimmermann who was an over the top romantic, who bored her with history channel, and let her wear his jerseys. they were two beautiful people leading beautiful lives, and bitty’s can only look at his own weak limbs and face and think about how he’ll never deserve jack again.

jack’s one of the people to receive a notification that bitty was alive and found, because technically he was still married to bitty (he and kate had decided to wait until the date passed that bitty was officially pronounced dead, bc jack couldn’t bear to speed the process up). 

all bitty had wanted was to run home to providence and into the arms of his husband, but instead he called his parents. They were ecstatic that he was alive, and he prepared for the trip back to georgia. bitty doesn’t want to look at jack’s happy life and ruin it, and he doesn’t want jack to see him with his scarred face. but he does call jack, because he knows he owes jack that.

“Sweetpea?” He involuntarily called out, then berating himself because Jack has someone else now. 

“Bitty?” Jack’s heart thumped as he finally heard the voice he’d been missing for so many years. Katy was holding his hand, and his grip tightens. 

“Jack, I-I’m back.” Bitty cried, and Jack could almost hear the tears rolling down his face. He remembered how easily Bitty cried. “I can’t believe Beyonce released two new albums since I was out!” And it was as if Bitty never left. 

“Where are you? You should come back home.” Before Jack realized that he sold the house they lived in together, when he decided that it was too painful to live there alone. 

“I’m back in Madison. I saw the news, about Katy. I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not intruding, I’ll book-,” Jack began to say, but Katy was looking blank and scared and he realized that she was afraid that he was going to dump her. And Jack doesn’t fucking know what to do. 

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” Jack finally said, breaking down as Bitty continued to sob into the phone. “I’m just so happy you’re alive.” 

so one of the logistical problems that happens is that jack is technically still married to bitty. but he’s engaged to another person. and jack’s lawyer is raring to go. 

“don’t you worry, mr. zimmermann. i’ll take care of this in a jiffy so you can go ahead and marry your beautiful Katy. and don’t worry about alimony, i’ll make sure he takes nothing away from this marriage, even if there was no prenup.”

bitty, selfless as ever, comes up north to solve the problem himself. he’s willing to file for divorce papers with jack, and doesn’t request any alimony. 

jack, on the phone as bitty’s in the airport: “you don’t have to do this, you just escaped from that terrible place, you have to rest yourself before you do anything.” 

bitty: “oh sweetp- jack. it must’ve been so hard for you to move on, i dont want you to suffer anymore. you’ve built up a life without me, and if i saunter back in anytime later i’ll ruin everything. it’s better to do everything now.” before bitty regrets it. 

part of the reason jack didn’t drop everything and run to bitty is bc jack is very all or nothing. it hasn’t hit home yet that bitty was back. but when he and the rest of bitty’s friend are there in the airport seeing bitty walk in, jack finally felt it. 

grief counseling helped jack a lot, but there was always a piece of him missing, and even though he accepted it and his counselor said it was normal, it was only when he saw bitty again that he felt that missing piece return inside him. 

bitty had sent pictures to his friends to warn them about how he looked, but he didn’t send one to jack because he can’t bear jack seeing him scarred up like that. and he wore sunglasses and a cold mask on after exiting the plane because he wanted to avoid the moment of jack seeing his face for a bit longer. 

and when bitty sees his friends waving at him he runs over and instinctually hugs jack first. his sunglasses were knocked off and his mask was askew in the collision and jack’s expression when he saw bitty’s face was terrible. 

“bitty, what did they do to you?” cupped bitty’s face gently, still looking at bitty with love. bitty moves in closer and cupped jack’s hands, but he felt the engagement ring, and then backed off to say hello to everyone else. 

katy, jack’s fianceé, is conflicted. on the one hand, she’s really really happy that jack’s husband is alive, because she knows that jack has been grieving him for ages and had finally walked out of grief. on the other, she’s so in love with jack, and she’s deathly afraid that bitty being back meant that jack was going to leave her.

when she saw bitty at the small gathering held in his honor and saw all his scars, she horrified herself by being glad that he was disfigured. “How can I be this disgusting that I’m happy for his misfortune?? But I can’t help it, GAH!!” 

so the next day, bitty’s meeting with jack and katy, and their lawyers. jack and katy’s lawyer Smith, and bitty’s lawyer Shitty (bitty was like, i dont need a lawyer, and shitty was like, BRAH). 

Smith: “How much alimony do you want? My client,” looks down disdainfully at his paper, “is prepared to offer you half his estate.” 

Katy, “what the FUCK jack you didn’t tell me that! half of your estate? jack that’s crazy! we’re getting married i should know!” 

“I’m really sorry, it was a last minute arrangement. Bitty needs it.” 

Bitty’s really touched, he really is. But he refuses the alimony because “the whole reason i’m here is because i don’t want to cause any more trouble, jack. you can’t just give me half of what you have. you dont have to give me anything.”

katy, “that’s nonsense, you should still receive something. and you should also have your belongings from the storage unit, too.” 

when jack sold the house and moved into a smaller place, he placed some of bitty’s stuff into a storage unit. when he started dating katy, he moved the rest bitty’s stuff into storage. 

Shitty: “Bits, I know you don’t want to bother Jack more, but you’ve just gone through a really traumatic experience. You kind of need the support Jack’s offering you to get you back on your track with ease.” They agree to an amount that bitty’s comfortable with. 

Bitty, suddenly near the end, realizing that he was about to divorce the man who he still loves very, very much: “I cant do this today. I’m sorry, you were right, jack. I need to leave now. I can’t. I’m so sorry. I’m going.” And he leaves, with jack chasing after him. he waved off shitty and katy, told them to stay while he took care of it.  

“Bitty, Bits! Wait up,” he caught up to Bitty, and convinced him to come sit in Jack’s car. “Hey bud.” He sat next to bitty, who is trying not to cry in public. “Do you want me to take you back home?” 

“Home’s gone, Jack.” Bitty said softly. 

Jack’s throat tightened, because it was the same for him, too. The home that he’d made with Bitty was gone. And while he was able to build a new one, Bitty came back to nothing. 

Jack reached into the backpack that he was carrying around, and pulled out señor bun. “I’m sorry, this is the only thing I can think of that would make you feel better. I meant to give him back to you at the beginning of the talk, but it felt weird to take him out in front of everyone.” 

Bitty cried softly into señor bun, while Jack held him. 

“I’m so sorry, sweet-I mean, Jack. I didn’t want to burden you. I didn’t want to show up with my ugly, terrible, face to disgust you and all this baggage and bother you. I just wanted you to be happy, and now I’m messing it all up.” 

Jack smoothed over Bitty’s tears and thumbed the scar tissue on his face. He never, ever felt disgusted. Bitty was the same Bitty, only hurt a lot more. He was still kind, still self sacrificing, still everything that Jack fell in love with years ago. And Jack still thought he was beautiful. 

“Let’s go to a place where it still feels like home, okay?” He texted Shitty and Katy to let them know that he’s canceling today’s meeting and they’ll discuss the matter later, and he drove Bitty to the storage unit that held all of Bitty’s stuff.

“It was really hard putting these away in boxes, it felt like finally saying goodbye to you. ” Jack said, letting Bitty and himself inside. “I had our friends and family help, because then it felt like we were remembering you and all the good that you brought us, instead of like we were boxing you away.”

All the boxes were meticulously labelled, some in Jack’s handwriting, some in Lardo’s, mish mashes of Bitty’s friends and family coming together. Bitty picked up a small box that wasn’t labelled, and opened it. 

“Sweetheart,” he breathed out. “You kept my post it notes.”

Bitty opened a box labeled Clothes Bitty stole from me, “First of all, your stuff looked darn good on me-oh. This was your favorite game day hoodie, Jack. You should’ve just kept it instead of boxing it away.” 

“You loved to wear it, too. So I couldn’t bear looking at it.”  

“These were the salt and pepper shakers we bought at the flea market.” 

“Oh, you kept the kitchenaid gathering dust here? At least use it, Jack.” 

“My Ivy Park collection! But there’s more clothes here than I remember having bought.” 

“It was a bad phase where I went on a shopping spree and bought a lot of that brand online. It felt like I was buying them for you. You should definitely wear them, you’ll look great.”

Jack continued to show Bitty the boxes. “And this is weird, but these are the planks from the swing set in our backyard. I took it apart for some reason, and I couldn’t do anything with it…I put your socks here with your underwear and color coded everything…the scrapbooks that we made together isn’t here, I gave those to Suzanne…the recipe book you were writing up I gave to my maman…our souvenirs from our trip to Venice is in this box, the duck I carved you during that terrible woodwork workshop is also in here…”

Bitty touched his cheeks, and found that they were wet again. He looked at Jack, whose cheeks was also wet with tears as he explained every box that contained their life together. 

“What are we doing, Jack?” He asked. “I don’t even know why I thought this was a good idea, seeing you again. I thought this was the best way, to let you live your life without me. But now all I am is a selfish ol’ fool who’s begging you to-” he sobs, “-begging you to bring our old life back.”

And Jack has that moment of clarity again, where everything finally slotted together in his mind and in his life. 

“I want that,” Jack said, taking Bitty’s hand. “I want our life back together again. How could I have been so slow? You’re back, and I still love you, no matter what happened.” 

Katy was understandably distraught when Jack had that difficult conversation with her. She tried to persuade Jack otherwise, but gave up and wished him luck when she saw that stubborn look in Jack’s eyes. She actually thinks its very touching that jack’s still in love with someone who he thought died years ago, but thinks that its just her bad fucking luck that she had to be the person who’s abandoned. Bitty bakes her a guilt pie and she’s shameless enough to ask him for more, and he’s happy enough that she’s taking his guilt pie to bake her more. 

like i want to make it clear here that katy’s not a villain or an antagonist or anything, she’s just a person at the wrong place at the wrong time having pretty normal reactions and ultimately not doing any harm. 

and jack and bitty finally hold that wedding reception that they’ve been waiting for for years. there’s still a lot of problems, like bitty has really severe ptsd, but jack’s nearing retirement and has a lot more time to brainstorm with bitty and his therapists on how to deal with it. 

and of course when bitty accidentally cut off his finger and saw it grow back, there were more questions regarding what exactly did the organization do to him. 

but those were things he and jack faced together. 

[sallylikesmovies]

Film Review: Titanic (1997)

*Spoiler Alert*

I had the privilege to watch this on Friday at the Shanghai Oriental Art Center with an accompanying orchestra playing the soundtrack whilst the movie played on the big screen. However, this still couldn’t conceal the fact the movie just isn’t as good as I remembered it to be.

First of all, the screenplay. James Cameron writes a mundane script for the actors to work with, making characters seem hollow and fake. We see this in Kate Winslet’s character Rose. In so many scenes of her with Leo (Jack Dawson), her sides of the conversation are dull and empty, not allowing her character to develop into anything more than the shallow, snobby rich girl.

I’m not going to talk about Titanic without mentioning Leonardo DiCaprio! Who do you think I am? But I’m sad to say that his performance in this wasn’t all that good. There were moments where his talent shone through, like when after the ship hits the iceberg, the third class passengers try to get out of the lower part of the ship to the deck, where people were escaping via life boats. A locked a gate and ship crew stood in their way and when they continually declined the passengers’ access through the gate, Jack expresses his outrage and with his friends, they tear a bench off the floor and use it to break down the gate. I think that might be one of the very few scenes in the movie where the audience can tell he is a good actor, but other than that, it’s been concealed by James Cameron’s awful screenwriting.

The special effects of Titanic were groundbreaking at it’s time of release in 1997. Although some scenes still had to be primarily captured without special effects, some of the grander scaled scenes, such as the long shots of the ship sinking, or the shots that captured the entire ship, needed to be filmed on and in front of green screens, so special effects could be added in post-production. Cameron chose to work with Digital Domain, which is a visual effects company founded by James Cameron and two others, to continue their work in digital technology in Titanic as they did in the Abyss and Terminator 2: Judgement Day. The effects in this movie still live up to today’s standards (even though there are some questionable scenes), which means the movie can still be enjoyed by audiences today, which is a huge achievement. The brutality of the sinking achieved through the effects and stunt work is also a praiseworthy aspect of the film. It captured how manic the whole situation was for everyone involved, making it the experience all more realistic. Nevertheless due to the grandeur of the movie, the budget grew to $200 million, which was the biggest movie budget ever at the time…BUT THEN the movie’s initial release grossed over $1.84 billion, making it the highest grossing movie of all time in 1998.

There are scenes in this movie that I actually really like. The last hour of the movie is so much better than the first two hours in my opinion. One of my favorite scenes not only in this film, but in all films, is the scene where Rose decides to jump back onto the ship after getting on a life boat so to not leave Jack to die alone. As the life boat is lowered down, we can see that the physical distance between Rose and Jack increases. Jack is smiling because he wants her to be safe, but of course deep down, he doesn’t really want her to go. She looks up at him, not knowing what to do, now knowing if what she’s doing is right or wrong, or if leaving the sinking ship is what she wants. At this moment, we see flares being shot up by the ship crew to send help signals, but behind Jack, it looks more like fireworks. As we look at him from Rose’s point of view, the fireworks signify her realization that she’d much rather spend the rest of her life, even if that means dying on the ship with Jack than to go back to her life of oppression and unhappiness with her mother (Frances Fisher) and her Fiancee, Cal Hockey (Billy Zane). This shot could also signify the beauty of all that Jack is to her, as well as the beautiful time they had together. Through this realization, she jumps back on the ship to reunite with Jack. A profound and gorgeous use of cinematography.

The very last sequence is undeniably the best, if not one of the best parts of the entire film. Present day Rose lies on her warm bed as she dies, just as Jack said she would, and the camera pans to her photos by her bed side table. The non-diegetic “My Heart Will Go On” begins to play very softly. We see her experiences after the sinking of the RMS Titanic, which also shows us that she lived a full life, which Jack wanted her to. Her experiences include her learning how to horse ride, since Jack told her that he would teach her. This just tells and reminds us how much Jack really meant to her, as she carried down his memory through doing the things he had hoped she would do in her life. The scene cuts to footage of the wreckage of the ship but then smoothly transitions into the grand staircase/clock room in the still afloat Titanic.Through this, we can confirm that she is no longer in the living world, but life after death, as the people in the sequence are in actuality all dead. We walk through the room through Rose’s perspective, revealing all the people on the ship that had some sort of impact on her. Here, both first class and third class passengers stand together in unity, on either side of Rose, as if on either side of the aisle at her Wedding. All the while the music slowly builds up towards the climax. We then see Thomas Anderson (Victor Garber), the ship’s maker standing before Rose just before she arrives at Jack. Mr. Anderson played as a father figure for Rose on the ship, representing her father sending her off to Jack, however instead of a marriage here, it’s the reuniting of her and Jack. Jack stands waiting by the clock, which is a reference to an earlier scene where Jack tells Rose: “Make it count. Meet me at the clock”. So in this scene it seems as if he has been waiting by the clock for her arrival so that they can spend the after life together. Both this and the music here (as it reaches a climactic point) creates a sense of nostalgia, making the scene more impactful, thus making audiences everywhere more susceptible to being emotional. I think this is just the perfect ending for this movie. If this weren’t included, the ending would have been too tragic (for a love story), emotionally unsatisfying and lacking of a resolution. Honestly, I cry every time I watch this sequence…I mean, how can you not??

I can’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy the experience but I just wish I could have enjoyed it more. As I have mentioned before, the last hour was a great, but the movie altogether was just too long and dragged on for too long in some places. However I can see why people love this movie, and why I loved it for so long. And if you want to watch this movie, please just be aware that you may contract Leo-mania.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Rating: 3.5/5

[apicturewithasmile]

LOST rewatch (season 2):

[follow the entire rewatch-tag here]

episode 1 – Man of Science, Man of Faith:

It’s Desmond tiiiiiime!!!! Maaaaake your own kind of muuuusiiiiiic!!!

>:

OH MY GOD Jack’s flashback hair is horrible.

Desmond’s accent alone is worth watching the show but honestly, his whole character is a total game changer. He’s the personified sci-fi element and I McFriggin love it!

 episode 2 – Adrift:

Big feels for Sawyer here

Does this count as the first on-island flashback when we see John climbing down the hatch? Because we already saw what happened after that in the previous episode… I guess it’s only a mini flashback but still… it is…

Awwww it’s the Dharma sharky

With every Michael flashback I hate his ex even more.

How did everything that’s happened so far only happen in 44 days?!?! It feels like they gone through enough drama for a whole year.

“box man”

episode 3 – Orientation:

Katey Sagal <3

Kate discovering the real important shit – first the chocolate, now the guns

“You needed a father figure and I needed a kidney.” Fuck you Anthony Cooper.

“Why do you find it so hard to believe?” – “Why do you find it so easy?” – “IT’S NEVER BEEN EASY!!!” --- you tell him, John!!!

episode 4 – Everybody Hates Hugo:

I missed Rose!

….Hurley’s boss at the fast food restaurant… ain’t that the same guy who bullied John at the box company? Did I ever notice that before?

episode 5 – …And Found:

Jin’s hair growing longer is all I ever needed for my inner peace.

That Sun + John scene in her garden :’)

I forgot how good the score of that show is. Suck me right up with the feels!

episode 6 – Abandoned:

Oh nooo… that the episode where Shannon dies? Please don’t!!!

I can never understand what it is Ghost Walt is saying to Shannon

John holding the baby *external screaming*

I’ll forever be bitter that they killed Shannon off – all the missed potential for character development

episode 7 – The Other 48 Days:

It’s Nathan Ingram looking like Indiana Jones.

Is it ever explained what the Arrow Station was for?

It’s so annoying that the place Ana killed Goodwin isn’t the same place where Jin finds his corpse in the jungle.

episode 8 – Collision:

Kate winning against Jack at golf is what I’m here for.

I wish Ana Lucia and Sayid had gotten more scenes together after that

“What good would it be to kill you if we’re both already dead?”

That reunion scene of Rose & Bernard and Sun & Jin is soooooo kitschy, I love it

episode 9 – What Kate Did:

Petition for Daniel Daw Kim to be topless more often

I… didn’t remember Sawyer fever-mumbles to Jack that he loves Kate

Ah yes, it’s the black horsey episode

Shannon’s funeral :’( whyyyyyy?????

“Boy, when you say beginning you mean… beginning.”

I’m trying to figure out who cut out part of the Orientation video… was it Kelvin?

Kate’s dad, who’s a very high ranking soldier: “I don’t have murder in my heart.” Me: …..sure, Jan.

“Don’t mistake coincidence for fate.” Mr. Eko and John could have had sooo many intriguing conversations; it’s a pity they had to write him out.

episode 10 – The 23rd Psalm:

I don’t like the whole drug plot but that’s probably because that means more plot for Charlie… like… don’t get me wrong: I like the backstory, but not the new found drama with Charlie

Smokey in his whole glory. That scene is so breath taking, I love it.

episode 11 – The Hunting Party:

 I had forgotten the whole “Michael locks John and Jack up in the armory”-bit

And Jack and Locke actually taking a button-shift together? That’s programmed trouble.

Fuck you Jack! Take Kate with you! You’ve known her for…. What? Over 50 days? You know she won’t stay behind. You’re really no good judge of character, are you?

funny how John is so curious about Sawyer’s name… kinds foreshadowing to the whole Anthony Cooper connection as if John already felt it somehow

Geronimo Jackson

episode 12 – Fire + Water:

 I find it interesting that they chose a + symbol for the title instead of “and” or an ampersand.

Charlie’s parents’ accents are… bad.

“Now Locke’s your friend, eh?” oh shut the fuck up Charlie!!!

Hurley as Jesus on Charlie’s dream is foreshadowing

The difference between Charlie and John is that John is protective over Claire and Aaron whereas Charlie is possessive.

 “[Kate’s] hot, [Jack’s] hot” – Ana Lucia, confirmed bisexual.

YAAAAS!!! Hit the bastard, John! You show him!!!!

episode 13 – The Long Con:

 “You wanna break seven virgin Marys? Be my guest! But I’m superstitious.”

Yunjin Kim is the only person on earth that can make the colour orange look good to me

Seriously… I didn’t remember why exactly I dislike Charlie so much but season 2 reminds me episode by episode.

episode 14 – One Of Them:

 IT’S HAPPENING! EVERYBODY STAY CALM!!!!

I’m so here for every scene between Sayid and Danielle

Amazing “arm waving through a tent” acting @Michael Emerson!!!

“My name is Henry Gale, I’m from Minnesota.” LIIIIIIAAAAAARRRR!!!

I think the first time I watched it I was so excited about Michael Emerson that I didn’t notice the guy who’s talking to Sayid in the next scene is Kelvin.

The first time John sees his future island husband… awwwww :’)

Funny how at first John doesn’t believe Ben’s act but later he’s like “tell me all the lies, I’ll believe you anything, my dear!”

“Why would you travel [in a hot air balloon]?” – “Because I was rich.” Has any line in the entire show ever been that real?

I have trouble believing that Jack is physically stronger than John.

The first time we see the hieroglyphs on the timer.

episode 15 – Maternity Leave:

Alex!!! My pretty little child!!!

Oh my sassy dear rat boy

And creepy Ethan is back.

Mr. Eko: *cuts his beard off* – Not Henry Gale: Okay, wtf?

“Are you the genius or are you the guy who’s feeling like he’s always living in the shadow of the genius?” Ben you little asshole!

episode 16 – The Whole Truth:

Daniel Dae Kim shirtless again – thanks for answering my prayers

Terry O’Quinn gets sexier the scruffier he is

Does Sun realise she’s pregnant this early?!?!?!

Okay John just totally took a glance at Jack’s dick after he was getting out of the shower.

“Jack and Locke are a little too busy worrying about Locke and Jack.”

Oh riiiight, Kate doesn’t know about Not Henry Gale

The fact that Ana Lucia and Sayid get along okayish fills my heart with so much joy but then I remember she’s gonna be dead in like… 2 episodes and I hate that.

“Men reject their prophets and slay them but they love their martyrs and honour those whom they have slain. So what’s the difference between a martyr and a prophet?”

episode 17 – Lockdown:

The first time Ben yells “Jaaawwwn!”

There’s also more and more Emerchesthair going on and I’m here for it!!!

“How about you put your mangos where your mouth is?”

Anthony Cooper you fucking asshole.

John just found the most inappropriate time to propose to someone

“You came back!” – “Did you think I was gonna leave you here?!”

episode 18 – Dave:

I wish Hurley’s story wasn’t focussing on his weight to much

John putting in a good word for Not Henry Gale is my vibe!

Never mind… bondage Ben is MY VIBE!!!

“God doesn’t know how long we’ve been here, John. He can’t see this island any better than the rest of the world can.” --- that’s one of the most underrated lines in the entire show I think.

episode 19 – S.O.S.:

Moooore chesthair action!!!

I love that Rose and Bernard just fairly recently met and haven’t been together for like 30 years already.

episode 20 – Two For The Road:

Ugh is that the Ana Lucia/Christian Shephard episode?? I’m always in for more daddy Shephard.

Strangulation really is Ben’s go to kill method, isn’t it?

“I was coming for you.” – you sure were, my guy. You sure were.

episode 21 - ? :

“the artist formerly known as Henry Gale”

Terry O’Quinn’s arms give me life

It’s the Pearl station

Oh riiiight there’s been cameras in the Swan station, totally forgot that

“every single second of my pathetic little life is as useless as that button” poor John

Sawyer comforting Kate… I’m here for it!

episode 22 – Three Minutes:

Oh Alex, my sweet angel

“we got caught in a net” – “why are you telling me this, Sawyer?” – “because you’re about the closet thing I got a friend on this island, Doctor.” I wish they had spent more time focussing on that broship rather than the love triangle

DESMOND’S BACK!!!!

episodes 23 and 24 – Live Together, Die Alone:

“we’re stuck in a bloody snow globe”

Charles fucking Widmore, my OTV – One True Villain

Aaah it’s the weird Hurley bird

John crying in the jungle breaks my heart (and fuck you Charlie for making fun of him)

“with enough money and determination you can find anyone”

Desmond realising John saved his life by hammering on that hatch door is one of the best moments in the whole show.

Not Henry Gale is back, my bebe, right there with the dramatic appearance on a boat

Desmond really big on competing against Sayid in the “who’s got the best island hair”-competition (Sayid still winning tho)

“I’m sorry for whatever happened that made you stop believing but it’s all real.”

“We’re the good guys, Michael!”

[spookyspaghettisundae]

Another Day in Hell

The last survivor peered over the windowsill at the figures outside. They rocked back and forth, stumbled around, or wandered without aim.

His stomach growled. He had not eaten for days. Even with the lack of sleep from holding almost constant watch, paired with the pained feeling in his stomach that stemmed from slowly starving, Jack was wide awake. He slid back down behind the windowsill in the second story of this house.

Someone else’s house, not his. His group had made a stop here to get some rest and scavenge for supplies. But everything had turned out badly, and he slowly came to terms with the knowledge that this place was going to be his final destination. He no longer held onto illusions of reaching his goal of making it back to the bunker.

This home had been empty, already scavenged. The rest of his group had joined the dead.

The ‘zombies.’

Jack and his now dead friends had used that term loosely. Nobody came up with anything better than that pop culture reference, because at the end of the day, it provided them with the only useful comparison to what had swept over the world and ended it. Though whenever they talked about it, nobody called it a ‘zombie apocalypse.’ This was just the apocalypse, plain and simple.

Among the few who had survived the first waves of creatures washing over the country like a tide of carnage and destruction, information had been sparse. Communication and the internet still worked, technically—only it seemed like nobody was around to use it or broadcast any useful messages outside of cries for help or expressing utter despair. Wikipedia was worthless when it came to figuring out how to survive in this calamity.

Other countries overseas had fallen victim to the same horrors. The military scrambled to protect every nation’s leaders and failed to thwart the onslaught that wiped humanity out. A mere three weeks had passed since the beginning of the end times. It had happened so fast that electricity and water were still running in most of these abandoned places.

So Jack sat in the gloomy twilight of this abandoned house. He had no strength left, slumped down against the wall underneath the window in the second story. One knee drawn back to himself, his right arm rested there while he cradled a revolver in his hand. He stared at the shiny surface of the weapon and wondered why he still held onto it.

The gun had no more bullets in it, and he had no spare ammo left.

He stifled a groan and pushed himself back up off the floor to look outside once more. Even though the harsh reality would immediately dash his wishful thinking, some part of him had hoped that the situation might have changed in the past few minutes and that he might be able to sneak out through the backyard and get out of this hell-hole.

Hell.

That is what Jack’s group settled on as an explanation. They had no proof to back it up, but it was the best they could come up with. Unlike in the movies, the 'zombies’ out there had not been humans turned into mindlessly walking dead through bites transferring some impossible disease. No, it seemed more like demons had taken over every remotely intact corpse and used them to slaughter every living human being left on the planet.

The only way to deal with them? Extreme dismemberment or crippling so the demons would escape the corpses and try to hijack the next body. As gruesome as it sounded, it was the only thing that worked.

Thinking about it reminded Jack of that one time when Harriet had gunned down one of the zombies. It had been just days since they had banded together and hazarded a first venture outside of the bunker for a supply run. Right after she had turned to the group, the body of the zombie she had shot in the face got up behind her in the blink of an eye and proceeded to rip her jugular out with its bare hands. They had all learned this lesson from Harriet’s demise: break their arms or legs or cut them off, or decapitate them. They then wriggle around for a few moments or writhe on the ground before they stop moving, as if some evil force had still been trying to exert control, but then given up. And when they kill your friends, make sure to mangle your friend’s body lest they return and butcher you.

The worst thing about the zombies—they only formed the vanguard. Yojimbo had seen worse than the zombies. The crazy shotgun-wielding old man had spoken of creatures that looked like walking piles of molten lava spreading flames wherever they walked, of monsters with huge bat-like wings that swooped down and plucked people off of the streets, and of gargantuan horrors that wandered in clouds of smoke on the horizon, causing the earth to quake with every lumbering step they took.

The old hillbilly’s actual name was Jimbo, but he constantly referenced internet memes and yelled 'yolo’ whenever he did anything stupid or suicidal. And he did those things a lot. Hence, Jack started calling him Yojimbo. He was the last one to die before Jack ended up alone, and as much as he had always sworn at Yojimbo for his abrasive nature and gung-ho stunts that drew the attention of the zombies, he now missed the old bastard more than ever.

Yojimbo’s body rested in pieces in the living room downstairs. Jack had made sure. In an act of desperation, he had blasted the man with his own elephant gun after disarming him in the deadly struggle where they had rolled around on the floor for a few breathless moments. After impaling Yojimbo with a fireplace poker, Jack had used the window of opportunity and Kate’s fire axe to hack off Jimbo’s arms and then his head. Their struggle had been loud enough that it had drawn the attention of zombies from miles away, who had wandered into the vicinity of the house, leaving Jack trapped here.

Jack lifted his left arm and looked at the bandaged spot near his wrist watch. The fabric had turned a red so dark that it looked black in this twilight. Zombie-Jimbo had managed to bite him even without arms. That was just how ferocious the demonic zombies were. The injury throbbed and Jack wondered if it was infected.

Not like it mattered anymore. He had no food, no ammo, no friends left, and a simple fire axe as the only useful thing left in his possession. The bunker was a full mile away, and even if those zombies around the house were the only ones nearby, it meant he still had to outrun a dozen of them.

A blood-curdling roar echoed through the neighborhood and Jack shuddered. It was the first time he had ever heard this kind of sound, and it conjured up the images that had originally formed in his mind whenever Yojimbo had described some of the monstrosities he had seen in the countryside.

Jack wheezed and almost coughed as he got up again, heaving himself off the ground with great effort. He braced himself against the side of the window, making sure he did not show too much of his head when he peeked over the edge again. He ignored the zombies in the backyard outside, focusing on a greater distance ahead instead.

A dense black fog swirled on the horizon, illuminated in the deep crimson glow of the setting sun behind it. The shape of something with too many arms, or too many legs, and moving like a spider with far too many limbs moved through the smoke-like mist. Even miles away, Jack strained his eyes to make out something, anything, that would allow him to give this thing a distinct shape in his mind. Before he could feel any certainty about what he beheld, he only knew that he had made out something like a misshapen head in the center of the tangle of limbs, defying everything natural, something covered in rows upon rows of eyes. Uncaring alien eyes that stared back at him.

He slid down against the wall underneath the window and broke out into a cold sweat. His heartbeat raced, and he heard another one of those mighty roars in the distance. He blindly reached out to the fire axe that leaned against the wall next to him and then cursed out loud when he knocked it over. It hit the floor with a loud thud.

Jack froze and almost choked on a cough that wanted to erupt from his throat, driving tears into his eyes.

He heard noises from the zombies outside. They must have heard the thud—they shuffled towards the house with vigor in their steps, clambering towards the building and what sounded like they were ripping the door out of its hinges.

Jack tossed the empty revolver off to his side and scrambled to his feet, grabbing the fire axe and gripping it firmly in both hands, now finally allowing himself to cough. He wiped the tears from his eyes with his arm as he braced himself for the zombies to run up the stairs and right into this room any moment now. He heard the thumping of footsteps ascending up to the second story.

His life flashed before his eyes. Every single thing he had done wrong in his entire life; every time he had cheated, lied, and stolen. Every instance of coveting out of envy or greed, every time he had exploded and yelled at anybody, all those times he had gotten into drunken fistfights. Every wrong decision, every last regret came back to him. Jack remembered it all.

It made him wonder if this, here and now, was hell itself. This infernal wasteland that the world had turned into, in which he awaited certain death in form of walking corpses with red-glowing eyes to charge at him and rip him apart, piece by piece, while he died slowly, screaming in agony. A punishment for all his sins in life.

Jack’s chest heaved, and he lifted the axe over his head with the last reserves of strength he could muster. The titanic creature in the distance roared again, signaling how it had drawn ever closer to where Jack stood. And still, the last survivor, who had never truly believed in any religion for his entire life, now wondered: if this was not actual hell itself yet, then what awful things awaited him in a true hell that might follow his death?

The door to the bedroom burst open and a woman with an unhinged jaw and torn floral-pattern dress stared at him through eyes that glowed red with malice. He saw five, six, no, seven other demon-zombies maniacally approaching from behind her, pushing past her into the room, clawing at the air in front of them and snarling and growling at him like feral beasts in human shape. They lunged forward, and the axe plunged into the shoulder of the first to get too close to Jack. The rest pushed on, and the sounds of tearing flesh began to fill the room.

Jack was going to find out what came after death.

But for now, he screamed.

—Submitted by Wratts

[ljones41]

"LOST" RETROSPECT: (3.13) "The Man From Tallahassee"

"LOST" RETROSPECT: (3.13) "THE MAN FROM TALLAHASSEE" Aside from one episode, I have no real love for the first half "LOST" Season Three. Along with the second half of Season Two and the first half of Season Six, it is one of my least favorite periods during the series' six-year run. However . . . I did say "first half". Season Three began to redeem itself with the airing of the John Locke-centric episode called (3.13) "The Man From Tallahassee".

The episode picked up immediately where the previous one, (3.12) "Par Avion" left off. Oceanic 815 survivors John Locke, Kate Austen and Sayid Jarrah had decided to leave the survivors' camp to find the Others' main camp and rescue their fellow castaway, Dr. Jack Shephard. The trio eventually found Jack at the Others' camp at the end of "Par Avion'and were astounded to discover him playing a friendly game of touch football with his captors. While Locke and Sayid remained in a state of shock, Kate went into warrior mode and decided to shoot as many Others as possible in an attempt to free Jack. Due to the "brainwashing room" that she and James "Sawyer" Ford had discovered during their escape from the Others in (3.07) "Not in Portland", Kate believed that Jack had been brainwashed. Both Locke and Sayid managed to stop Kate before she could commence upon her bloody rescue plan. Locke advised that they wait until dark to rescue Jack. While Kate and Sayid attempted to rescue Jack, Locke decided to embark upon his own agenda regarding the Others' submarine he had learned about from Other Mikhail Bakunin in (3.11) "Enter 77". Since this episode is Locke-centric, the flashbacks featured turning points in Locke's relationships with girlfriend Helen Norwood and his con artist father, Anthony Cooper. The flashbacks revealed how Locke tried to put his obsession over his father behind him and focus upon solidifying his relationship with Helen. But his goals failed when a young (Patrick J. Adams of "SUITS") named Peter Talbot sought Locke's help in breaking up his mother's upcoming wedding to Cooper. However, Locke's re-entry into his father's life resulted in tragedy for young Peter and himself. "The Man From Tallahassee" not only marked the beginning of better writing for Season Three, I believe it proved to be one of the season's best episodes. Screenwriters Drew Goddard and Jeff Pinkner did an excellent job of utilizing a certain aspect of John Locke's personality that drove forward the narratives for both the island's present story line and Locke's back story. Audiences have seen how Locke's obsession with Anthony Cooper in episodes like (1.19) "Deux Ex Machina", (2.03) "Orientation" and (2.17) "Lockdown" led to a good deal of misery in his life, previous to the Oceanic 815 crash. Ever since the plane crash, Locke had directed this obsessive trait toward the island and its "secrets". His obsession reached a higher level in "The Man From Tallahassee". The past John Locke finally seemed intent upon staying out of his father's life. But one visit from Cooper's future son-in-law left Locke determined to re-enter Cooper's life and save Peter's mother from falling into the con man's clutches. Locke's obsession with the island and his discovery of the Others' submarine in "Enter 77" led him to abandon the plan to rescue Jack and change his agenda. His actions not only led to a cat-and-mouse game with the Others' leader, Ben Linus, but also soured his relationship with Jack and Sayid even further. This episode not only continued the series' exploration of Locke's obsessive nature, but also a trait of his that I have always found disturbing - namely his penchant for enforcing his will upon others. Audiences have seen this trait in past episodes such as (1.13) "Hearts and Minds" and (2.16) "The Whole Truth". When I first saw "The Man From Tallahassee", I wondered why Locke had bothered to destroy the Others' submarine with the C-4 explosives he had pinched from Mikhail. The episode never fully explained Locke's actions in so many words. But I eventually began to suspect that Locke did not want anyone leaving the island - whether that person be an Oceanic 815 survivor or a member of the Others. Again, this is merely speculation on my part. However, a part of me also suspect that Locke believes the island is the best solution for everyone's troubles. After all, it had healed his legs and led him to a renewed interest in life after so many failures. But the thing is . . . Locke's faith in the island was based upon what it did to his legs. He never really had an idea what the island was about, why the Others were determined to protect it from outsiders or whether it was the right solution for every soul that inhabited it. Locke's destruction of the Others' submarine ruined Jack Shephard's chances of leaving the island. Some time between(2.09) "Stranger in a Strange Land" and this episode, Jack made a deal with Ben Linus to leave the island on the subm. Would Ben have kept his deal and allow Jack to leave? Many fans would say "no". Personally, I have no idea. Benjamin Linus could be a controlling liar in order to serve his goals. Yet . . . he kept his promise to Oceanic 815 survivor Michael Dawson and allowed the latter and son Walt Lloyd to leave the island in the Season Two finale, (2.24) "Live Together, Die Alone - Part II". So . . . who knows? The submarine's destruction achieved something else. I suspect that Locke's action led Ben and the island's resident immortal, Richard Alpert, to introduce the castaway to the island's latest newcomer, Anthony Cooper. When I first saw this episode, I had assumed that Cooper was simply a tool Ben was using to push Locke's emotional buttons. Now, I know better. Cooper's presence was basically a test for Ben and Richard to see whether Locke was worthy of becoming an Other. Speaking of Anthony Cooper, "The Man From Tallahassee" also revealed how Locke ended in a wheelchair before his fateful flight aboard Oceanic 815. I have to be honest. I never saw it coming when I first saw this episode. For two seasons, viewers like myself wondered how John Locke became physically handicapped. Although I had had been aware of Cooper since "Deux Ex Machine", I never thought he would end up being responsible for Locke ending up in a wheelchair. During my first viewing of this episode, I had practically gasped aloud when I saw the con artist shove his son out of that window.

The operation to rescue Jack not only ended in failure - at least from Kate and Sayid's point-of-views - but also sidetracked the latter's character. Sayid really had nothing to do in this episode but suffer as a prisoner of the Others. On the other hand, this episode also featured Jack and Kate's reunion after the latter's escape from Hydra Island with Sawyer in (3.06) "I Do" and "Not in Portland". And man . . . did it turn out to be memorable. Many fans of "LOST" have never viewed the Jack/Kate relationship as particularly sexy or passionate. Although I had originally shared their feelings, I also believed that Jack and Kate's relationship was more than simply about sex and passion. However . . . sex and passion certainly had a strong impact upon their reunion in "The Man From Tallahassee". And the ironic thing is that the meeting of lips or the exchange of bodily fluids were not involved. . . . only heated words and hand play. The "Man From Tallahassee" featured some very fine acting from the cast. Only two cast members did not benefit from this episode. As I had earlier pointed out, Naveen Andrews, who portrayed Sayid Jarrah, spent most of the episode either looking shocked, annoyed and frustrated. Elizabeth Mitchell's Dr. Juliet Burke did very little in this episode, as well. The episode featured a sly performance from M.C. Gainey as Others member Tom Friendly. It also featured an earnest performance from guest star Patrick J. Adams. Kevin Tighe continued his excellent portrayal of Locke's treacherous father, Anthony Cooper. And Michael Emerson was also excellent as the Others' leader, Ben Linus. Matthew Fox and Evangeline Lilly knocked it out of the ballpark, while portraying the passionate regard both Jack Shephard and Kate Austen held for each other. But this episode belonged to Terry O'Quinn, who gave a brilliant performance as the always complex John Locke. O'Quinn took Locke's characterization all over the place - from emotionally needy to ruthlessly determined - and still managed to keep his performance in control. It is not surprising that O'Quinn won his Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series for his performance in this episode. Ironically, I have never considered "The Man From Tallahassee" as one of my top ten favorite "LOST" episodes. Locke's tale in this episode has always struck me as slightly depressing. But I cannot help but regard it as one of the best episodes from Season Three . . . and one of the best that the series had to offer.

[dharmawire]

The Hydra The Arrow The Swan The Flame The Pearl The Orchid The Staff The Looking Glass The Tempest The Lamp Post The Wrench The Hatch

The Safe The Safe NE The Safe NW The Safe SE The Safe SW

The Hydra Station Number: 1 of 6 Blast Door Map: bottom right Quarantine Marker: Not Found Possible Function: Zoological Research Orientation Film: Found Found By: Ben acquired possession of the tape sometime after Hurley became protector of the Island Further Information: The Hydra was the name of a zoological DHARMA Initiative station. It included an underwater aquarium section, a number of animal cages above ground, and multiple large above-ground buildings. In the past, it held animals such as sharks, dolphins, and polar bears for experimental purposes. The Others controlled the station and did unspecified work at the location. The station was on a small island off the coast of the the main Island. See also: Hydra Island

The Arrow See main article: The Arrow Station Number: 2 of 6 Blast Door Map: top Quarantine Marker: Found Possible Function: Development of defensive strategies, and Intelligence gathering Orientation Film: Found Found By: The Tailies Further Information: The Arrow station was once one of the DHARMA initiative research stations referred to in the Swan Orientation Film. In 2004, the station was largely empty except for several boxes, one containing a glass eye and copies of the Bible. Its name and symbol were noted on the blast door map. As in the Swan station "QUARANTINE" was written on the inside of the door. The station still had power and light, operated by some kind of switchbox. No Arrow-specific Orientation Film was found, but an aborted take was shown being filmed. The tail section survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 lived here before merging with the middle section survivors.

See also: Horace Goodspeed

The Swan See main article: The Swan Station Number: 3 of 6 Blast Door Map: bottom Quarantine Marker: Found Possible Function: Electromagnetic Research and later Containment Orientation Film: found Found By: Locke and Boone Further Information: The Swan was DHARMA Initiative Station number 3, first discovered by Locke and Boone. ("All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues") According to its orientation film, the Swan was originally a laboratory "where scientists could work to understand the unique electromagnetic fluctuations emanating from this sector of the Island". However, after an "Incident", a protocol had to be followed in which two people would take shifts pressing a button (inputting the Numbers into a Computer) every 108 minutes for 540 days, at the end of which time replacements would arrive to take the place of the previous inhabitants. It was located in the southern region of the Island, about a mile inland of the crash of Flight 815. There was a fail safe switch, whose function if activated still remains mysterious. The switch was activated and the station imploded following the discharge. ("Live Together, Die Alone, Part 2") See also: the Hatch (Swan Exterior)

The Flame See main article: The Flame Station Number: 4 of 6 Blast Door Map: bottom left Quarantine Marker: Not Found Possible Function: Communication Orientation Film: Not Found (however, a set of instructions was given on the computer) Found By: Kate, Locke, Sayid and Rousseau Further Information: The Flame was the name of a DHARMA initiative communications station. Its name and symbol were depicted on the blast door map, but the location was described as "alleged". The station itself existed in three parts. The outside was a paddock for cows; inside was a living area, some storage, and a computer room. Underneath a rug was a door to a lower hatch area. This hatch contained DHARMA paperwork and more storage. The Flame was also rigged with a self-destruct feature consisting of C-4 explosive wired throughout the lower level. When Locke entered the code "77" into the Flame's computer, the self-destruct sequence was initiated and the Flame exploded soon after Kate and Locke left. ("Enter 77") . See also: "Enter 77"

The Pearl See main article: The Pearl Station Number: 5 of 6 Blast Door Map: The (?) in the middle. Quarantine Marker: Not Found Possible Function: Psychological Research and/or Observation Orientation Film: found (U-matic tape) Found By: Nikki and Paulo, later by Eko and Locke Further Information: The Pearl was a DHARMA Initiative station and was first discovered by Nikki and Paulo and later by Locke and Mr. Eko. The task of this station, according to its Orientation video, was to monitor the Swan station and other stations via a Remote Viewing system. The orientation video also stated that the inhabitants of the Swan station were unknowingly part of a psychological experiment and the Pearl's occupants were to record their every behavior. However it is presumed the work the Pearl staff was conducting was in fact the real psychological experiment, since the notebooks they were asked to fill ended up at a dump. ("?") DHARMA Initiative staff members delivered food and supplies to the Pearl from time to time. ("The Man Behind the Curtain"). There was also a hidden camera present in the Pearl, indicating they and not the Swan residents were the subject of the experiment. The station consisted of a corridor with an octagonal tunnel leading down by ladder to the outside and one large, octagonal room, in which nine television sets were fed live surveillance pictures. There appeared to be damage to this station: missing panels in the roof, loose wires, boulder in room. There were no living quarters for the Pearl's personnel, as they only served in eight-hour shifts. However, there was a still-working toilet in a room placed left in the station. ("The Cost of Living") This station was the place where Mikhail Bakunin first appeared. See also: "?"

The Orchid See main article: The Orchid Station Number: 6 of 6 Blast Door Map: Possibly "Crossed-out station" Quarantine Marker: Not Found Possible Function: Space-time manipulation research, disguised as a Botanical station Orientation Film: found Found By: Locke, Ben, and Hurley Further Information: It had a greenhouse on the surface, which had a secret elevator that led down to a short corridor with several doors along it. At the end of the corridor was a large room which housed the Vault (the time machine). Behind the wall of the vault was a dirt tunnel which led to a frozen cave with a large wheel sticking out of part of the dirt wall. See also: "There's No Place Like Home, Part 2" "Because You Left"

The Staff See main article: The Staff Station Number: Unknown Blast Door Map: top left Quarantine Marker: Not Found Possible Function: Medical Orientation Film: Not Found Found By: Claire, Kate and Rousseau Further Information: The Staff was a DHARMA Initiative station. It appeared to be a medical station. Claire was taken here after being abducted by Ethan. ("Maternity Leave") Presumably, the fully operational staff was preparing her for a forced birthing, to deliver Aaron into the clutches of the Others. After her escape (assisted by Alex), the station was abandoned. The station was later revisited by Claire, along with Kate and Rousseau. ("Maternity Leave") It was also visited by Juliet and Sun when they went to find out the date of Sun's conception ("D.O.C."), and again at Juliet's request by Jin, Sun, Charlotte, and Daniel to gather medical supplies for Jack's appendectomy. ("Something Nice Back Home")

According to the station's position in the blast door map, it appeared to be located in the western portion of the Island. No Staff-specific Orientation Film was found, and unlike the Swan and the Arrow stations, there was no "Quarantine" warning on any of the doors of the station.

See also: Station explorers

The Looking Glass See main article: The Looking Glass Station Number: Unknown Blast Door Map: bottom left Quarantine Marker: Not Found Possible Function: Signal Jamming and Sonar Beacon Orientation Film: Not found Found By: Charlie and Desmond Further Information: The Looking Glass was an underwater station with a moon pool and signal jamming equipment. It was connected to the mainland via a Cable. Ben Linus told The Others that the station was flooded but this was untrue. Two Others were stationed at the Looking Glass in secret by Ben as guards. At the end of Season 3, the Others had lost control of the station and it was partially flooded. See also: "Through the Looking Glass, Part 2"

The Tempest See main article: The Tempest Station Number: Unknown Blast Door Map: Possibly C3 or C4 Quarantine Marker: Not Found Possible Function: Toxic Gas Research and Production Facility Orientation Film: Not found Found By: Charlotte, Daniel, and Juliet Further Information: Charlotte informed Juliet that she and Daniel went there to disable the station for fear that Ben might try to "use" it again. Charlotte may have been alluding to the fact that Ben had used this station to initiate the Purge that killed all of the DHARMA Initiative members and that he would do the same to everyone currently on the Island.("The Other Woman") See also: "The Other Woman" TheTempest

The Lamp Post See main article: The Lamp Post Station Number: Unknown Blast Door Map: Not Found Quarantine Marker: Not Found Possible Function: To determine the Island's location at a certain time Orientation Film: Not found Found By: Jack, Ben, Desmond, and Sun Further Information: Eloise Hawking revealed that this station was how the Dharma Initiative discovered the Island.("316") It was the first station built by the Initiative, according to the Lost Encylopedia. See also: "316"

Other possible stations Speculative Temple Logo The possible DHARMA logo for the Temple. The Temple was marked on Ben's map with a DHARMA logo. However it is unknown why the Initiative gave a Hostile-controlled area a logo. ("Meet Kevin Johnson")

There is likely a meteorology station, considering one of the Initiative's main subjects of study was meteorology. The blast door map theorized a possible location, and the Lost Encyclopedia speculates that either one existed or was never finished.

It is possible that the "Sri Lanka Video" logo is linked to a station. The design could possibly link it to the theorized meteorology station. According to the blast door map, a cryptography research/listening station may also have existed.

Two stations, drawn with dotted lines on the blast door map, were labeled with "C3" and "C4". It is unknown if they refer to known or unknown stations.

Elsewhere on the map, the text "Alleged location of aborted #7. Large number of underground springs, heavy water table" appeared. It is believed that a power station may have existed somewhere on the Island which likely would have housed geothermal turbines to power all the other facilities.

"The Door" was presumed to be the entrance to another station, but when it was opened by Sayid, there was a wall of rock. It seems "the Door" was part of an elaborate hoax constructed by the Others. However it is unknown if they made up the logo for the Door or took it from another station. "The Wrench" was the supposed place where Juliet worked for three years when she was on the island in 1977 with Jin and Sawyer.

In the episode Namaste you see The wrench where Juliet is repairing a dharma car. The purpose of this station is to repair mechanized objects.