#and that made my brain hurt a little
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I was talking to a couple Lovenjoyers about concerts, since I've been to one recently and I was offering the little advice I had, and I referred to Will as 'Wilbur Soot', and y'know what I got?
"Wilbur Soot? Who's that?"
Of course I replied saying it the lead singer for Lovejoy, and then they responded with 'Ohhh okay, I thought his name was William Gold or something though?' and I just. As someone who's been around since Soothouse, it's really weird to think that Wilbur Soot, as in the name linked to the persona he has, just straight up doesn't exist to some of his fans.
Is it incredibly funny to watch Lovejoy fans find out he's a Twitch streamer who spent almost two whole years doing a Minecraft roleplay? Yes. But am I getting unnecessarily sad about the fact that people just don't know? Also yes.
#it got me a little bit#I guess it also made me realise how much of a gap I have to some Lovejoy fans if that makes sense#like yes! he's Wil Gold and he makes so much amazing stuff but then there's Wilbur Soot#Wilbur Soot who to some people doesn't exist and will some day be completely gone#and that made my brain hurt a little#in the non-parasocial way#lovejoy#the band lovejoy#wilbur soot#wilbur mcyt#mel's rambles
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I could see Machete as one of those goats that has their horns grow into their head
Like you know some type of "can't run from the inevitable" type of analogy or something
.
#I think about the 'your own horns grow into your head' phenomenon way more than what is necessary#that's another flavor of body horror that I'm thankful humans don't have to worry about#I think I could begrudgingly accept my fate if one of my horns turned against me and wanted to pierce it's way into my little sheep brain#but if it was slowly but insistently digging into my eye instead#and I could see it growing closer and closer each year until it made contact#I would not deal with that#anonymous#answered#stop hurting yourself
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Various doodles
Warning for some angst and a bit of gore!!
Ok continue
#I made myself sad thinking about the bad future timeline … again#NEVER listen to My Way by Frank Sinatra when thinking about your fabricated brain-rot fueled version#of one of your favorite characters that never appeared on screen that is implied to have an early death#(in an also a self-fabricated dramatic fashion)#worst mistake of my LIFE.#I want to draw Donnie and Raph doing a little ninpo fist bump really bad but my wrist hurts waaahhh#art#my art#my artwork#sketch#sketches#sketch dump#rise of the tmnt au#rise of the tmnt fanart#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt fan art#rottmnt au#rottmnt
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The 24 Character Strengths are awesome references when writing characters!!
I've found this website to be extremely helpful and cool while fleshing out my characters' personalities and motivations.
Even if I only have basic personality traits for a character, exploring strengths that I feel fits them and reading their descriptions is fantastic for inspiration!! It really helps narrow down the basic ideals I imagine a character would believe in, and then I can get more specific from there. It's a great guide to springboard off of!
Each strength is sorted into one of six virtues. Starting with a broad virtue, for example "justice," and honing that down into the strengths of "fairness," "leadership," or "teamwork" makes writing them really fun!
Here's an example of the "fairness" strength description! Lots of detail and tangible qualities describing it!
Of course there are infinite ways to interpret a character strength, just like in real life. And people aren't always black and white and follow a strength 100% of the time. But it's been extremely helpful to see specific traits being described in so much detail, and imagining different scenarios that a character would react in. It's like I can understand them a bit more and think a little like them, especially if their trait isn't one of my personal strengths. :3
But I also recommend taking the actual personality test for yourself! I took it years ago and it was really cool to put a name to some of my strengths and see how detailed this descriptions were. And when my friends and I shared our results, I felt like we understood each other just a little more. :)
Just thought I'd share this reference that's been helping me lately :D
#I LOVE PERSONALITY TESTS!! So much!!!#I know they're not for everyone but I love understanding the people around me especially if we think super differently#ever since my dear friends introduced me to them when I was a little baby college freshman I've loved them#like I had been around almost the same people from age 5-18 so I had to expand my understanding of other people in a giant public universit#the love language test helped change my understanding of how to connect to others and made a lot of things click in my brain#I love complementing people and would feel hurt when people couldn't accept them or didn't want to#but learning that they by default receive love differently allowed me to explore other ways to express myself to them#and in turn they understood that I take the words I say seriously and they accepted that I was being authentic#one of my best friends is literally the total opposite Meyers-briggs type of me haha#but I also I share a lot of parallel traits with other best friends!#learning more about the ways people think differently from me was so eye-opening and amazing#and feeling understood by others in turn was also a new and beautiful feeling#anyway shoutout to my fellow INFPs- enneagram 9- and words of affirmation peeps out there!!!#thanks for reading hehehehe#reference#writing#personality tests#jojo rambles
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"Scared of BEANS??? SPACEBOY???"
#my art#invader zim#dib iz#pilot dib#iz dib membrane#dib membrane fanart#invader zim dib#iz dib#dib membrane#dib#Im not drawing this little shit for a while he made my brain hurt
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Obviously I had to make it a thing (Patreon)
Spoilers for Handplates! Make sure you’re all caught up before continuing!
I ended up scene-picking around the timeline at pretty-much-random, whatever I thought fit the lyrics the best in the moment of blinding inspiration (lol), but now that I’ve got the basics down to paper, I think I’d more carefully choose in mostly-chronological order. That also means some would have to be cut, so I want to show them off here! :D I also drew them all from memory so if there’s inconsistencies, that’s why lol
For example this is one of the very early lyrics, but the events take place well down the timeline! I’m sure I can find a good stand in - mostly I just wanted to draw Papyrus from this scene, ugh I love him ♥ And the lyrics do fit!
Looking back to Sans for reassurance haha. I changed a few of the lyrics to be more Papyrus-specific -
- also featured here! He’s got the Gaster pose going on here hehe, and cutting around in time of him in Snowdin and also back at Asgore’s, him reassuring Asgore about Sans’ HP is so cute, I had to make reference to it haha
Happiest little sibling spinnies <3 <3 Probably the cutest panel of the whole bunch honestly haha ♥ Their little faces!! Ugh 💕
One of those instances of the lyrical contradictions, and I think I would keep this jump forward - everything has changed! And they’re really not okay, but they have each other
The one makes me laugh honestly, a bit dark lol. All their safe people, except for the two that take up the rear of each. I mean, technically it’s not inaccurate with Flowey’s, he won’t be alone! Unfortunately. The human, well
Started settling into a rhythm by this point, and rather pleased for it :) Poor Papyrus! He didn’t do anything wrong and he still has all these sad feelings about it!
All catching up to him :( You can only run from and ignore your problems for so long - this line feels so him, dealing with what their world is and all that entails, poorly
I appreciate the fact that Papyrus has this dream several times, it fits lots of places! Gaster look what you did to him even when you don’t exist anymore
Papyrus as an adult! Though he also is in the one with him and Sans dream-sharing. Things start breaking real bad for him, I’m still not over how good this song is lol
I did admittedly go a little over-the-top with these, he was not crying this much but I just jsalfdjfds this scene is so- much. So much! The lyrics goaded me, blame them haha - and also the attention to his neck! Even if it’s not in reference to choking on tears specifically, still drawn to the same place! I love Sans going to comfort him as well as rally him ahhhhh
I got his Soul glitches wrong haha, but seriously! This song, I swear!!
A bit of irony - he’s being heard! So much! Just not listened to. I am so enamoured with his pose callbacks throughout the entire comic ugh, so beautifully done
Handing off the song for a moment to someone who actually can rewind it - I don’t think I’ve ever drawn a Genocide Run human now that I think of it :0 It was so satisfying to draw Gaster kneeling on the ground like that haha, contact points were - on point ✨ for this doodle session hehehe
Originally I had his glow coloured in purple but this was one that I actually went back to look at (because I love this scene so much hhgggg <3 <3 <3) and had to change to his natural colour - he deserves it!! He’s earned it!!
I’ve honestly fallen more in love with this song through him and vice versa haha ♪ It’d be quite a bit before/if I could make a full version, even just with what I’ve got here, but it was so fun to draw at all ♥
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Papyrus#Sans#Gaster#And a bunch of others but only as cameos lol#Largely unedited because there's...a lot lol#The total ended up being 45 panels over the course of about five hours I think?#This was the project that really killed my hand#Honestly I don't even think it was drawing all of them so quickly - tho that didn't help lol#I think it was going back and forth between writing down the lyrics and drawing the accompanying art#I hold my pencil slightly differently between the two and I was in such a hurry to just get it all Out that I split the difference#Which actually just ended up in it being Just Wrong Enough for both to cramp up my hand pretty spectacularly#It actually still hurts a little a couple days later and I haven't drawn anything since lol#But it was worth it! It's not just floating around inside my head anymore! Phew!#Video-ifying it is a whole other thing tho...#But y'already know about that lol#I'm still going to give it a go but I don't exactly have a lot of hope lol#More than anything I'm just glad to have these down :) They're a very raw expression of the chemical soup Handplates made in my brain haha#Comparing the inspired-bys to their originals is interesting to me :0 These being like the shadow-print reading left on my mind hehe#Some things are more intense! Some less so - mostly to do with my ability to recreate them how they ''feel'' haha#It was a lot of fun :) Got a lot of Feelings out all at once! And all it took was my right hand hurting for a few days! Pfft#It's also kinda nice to edit a bit less - especially now that my paper is playing nice! Sheesh#Everything just out all at once hehe ♪#I do love to make in the same breath that I think up a concept! It keeps me energized! Keeps me moving forward! Feels good :)#So much better than just sitting on an idea until it's ''done right'' :P#I want to make pretty things of course! But sometimes I just want to Make
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Resistance. Blood Won The Poll! [Patreon | Commissions]
#Tuvok & Harry couldn't go on an away mission just the two of them#bc they might have died permanently from their combined suffering#Though Harry's suffering is often more existential and emotional than Tuvok's physical torment#(Not counting death as 'physical torment') <- he's coming BACK BABEY#anyway#here's Tuvok enduring [dissociating]#bea art tag#//injury#//blood#idk what else to tag this I don't think I've made a piece like this before (definitely tried when I was in like high school)#Tuvok is truly my poor little meow meow what do you MEAN his picture's in the Trek wiki under 'Bruise' !?#Janeway's hands on his shoulders no less...AAGH <- picturing her GUILT and RELIEF#Anyway...thanks for voting <3#st voy#star trek voyager#Tuvok#st voyager#Tuvok screaming in 'Resistance' ??? In my brain permanently. SO much angst and hurt/comfort potential
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the more I think about it and rewatch his scenes, the more I cannot help but realize that Colin is coded as a neurodivergent character. At least, I can very clearly see how Luke Newton, a neurodivergent actor, is playing Colin as a neurodivergent character
a special interest in Greek mythology? in traveling? neurodivergent
taking people's word at face value without 'reading between the lines'? neurodivergent
not being able to read Penelope's feelings regardless of how 'obvious' they are? neurodivergent
brain constantly bouncing around from one idea to the next (as in the books)? neurodivergent
not saying the 'right thing' and admitting to having to rehearse important conversations? neurodivergent
all that rejection sensitivity and regret he had well over a year after his engagement blew up? neurodivergent
masking in public? the whole 'charming facade'? neurodivergent
the man straight up STIMS, I mean how often do we see him fidgeting or playing with something? he has an oral fixation like no one's business, always eating, rubbing his mouth, licking his lips
I just can't unsee it
and, one day, i hope our fandom is going to be ready to recognize how many of the things we've unjustly called him an 'idiot' or 'stupid' for is actually just him existing with a neurodivergent brain and how hurtful that can come across to us neurodivergent peeps who identify with him
#colin bridgerton#polin#bridgerton#luke newton himself has ADHD like i'd eat my HAT if he's not playing colin as ND#sure maybe colin doesn't have the words for that in the time period he's in. . .but nd folks have always existed#even when the language for us doesn't#hell. . .even his reaction in S2 when no one is interested in hearing about his travels#TELL ME THAT'S NOT AN ND RESPONSE??? how many of us have infodumped about our special interest#and had no one listen to us? it really does hurt!!! it discourages!!! and we get upset about it just like he did!!!#we stop talking about it *just like he did*#we dismiss it- JUST! LIKE! HE DID!!!!#anyway 'colin bridgerton is an idiot' is my villain origin story#we're leaving that shit in 2023#colin bridgerton is a chaotic little gremlin is SO much better of a trope#also also cause it's just on my (neurodivergent) brain.#a lot of the polin shippers who have been made to feel unwelcome in polin tend to be colin fans. . .and a lot of us are nd#inch resting#colin is a neurodivergent character#he is my baby boy#and i'm tired of the ableism#and even if he ISN'T explicitly ND- a lot of the behaviors we call him stupid for. . .are relatable to many ND people#and seeing the reaction be a blind 'he's so dumb' is really sad#we're not stupid- our brains just work and process differently#that's all
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You guys ever think about the tragedy that is Junko Enoshima? That she wasn't a sadistic girl seeking out to hurt others for sadistic glee?
Because everything Junko did was her trying to emotionally abuse herself? That she wanting to feel something so badly that she hurt the people she loved most, and even brought about ruin to the world, simply to destroy herself with it?
#junko enoshima#danganronpa#me prior to working on Twins AU: Junko is a poor villain character with little to her aside from sadism#me after actually working hard on Twins AU: .... Wait#the moment I saw something there my brain latched onto it tbh#Like this girl was so miserable with life due to boredom that she#actively#Chose to hurt herself emotionally and mentally#to the point of self destruction#because she literally had nothing else in her life she could enjoy#I think she easily felt love and joy but they had thick layers of boredom to the#them*#And that made them hard to actually enjoy#But despair is an overbearing feeling that consumes you#grief consumes you without fail#And because she learned how strongly she hated herself upon bringing harm to those she loved and all that#The pain so encompassing and engulfing with no boredom to muddy it#The feeling became addicting to her#So she grew more and more extreme with her abuse and self destruction#Until she decided to bring about the destruction of the world#Which if we follow the logic#Kinda weird of Junko who is chasing despair like a drug for her to like#want to destroy the entire world#if she harbored no affection for it#If in her selfish chase for the biggest pain she could feel in her life#if she hated the world why chase the end of it? That would be easy. That would be what she wants. And that's boring.#But if a part of Junko genuinely loved the world she lived in? Destroying it would bring about an unfathomable despair for her#Anyway that is to say Junko is an awful abuser and awful person#But this situation is similar to how I see Kenzo#''If only things were different so you wouldn't have become the monster you are now'' Kind of Tragedy
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self-indulgent because i'm having a Riotously terrible evening pain-wise but i'm very fond of hunter being a waify little chronic illness/pain boy post-canon and like. for a while, just. no one.... notices.....?
not even because he's actively Hiding it, like. he would 100% tell people he's in pain if they asked. it just. doesn't occur to him to share. he'll sometimes quietly withdraw and lay down in the dark to conserve his energy and the others very reasonably assume it's a grief thing.
so they'll sometimes like. knock gently on the door and ask if he wants company, to which sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it's no. "no" when hunter is in a significant enough amount of pain that he really can't move much & "yes" when he wants to curl up with bad TV shows as a distraction
it could be anyone in the squad who figures out what's going on but i'm gonna go with my bias and say it's luz, on a day when she's having some bad depression/grief/survivor's guilt feelings herself. bc she's still coming to terms with her own death and the loss of her glyph magic and sometimes she is. Sad
hunter having one of those Catastrophic pain days where he's planning to be an unmoving lump under 7 blankets for the entire day. n luz coming in and softly asking if she can lay down with him. which is different from asking if he wants company. hunter would say no to company bc he can't really Perform Friendship right now but he doesn't mind luz being here.
luz climbing under the 7 blankets too. n snuggling up to hunter and wrapping an arm around him. and hunter just like. goes Stiff. like beyond "hm this is mild discomfort" stiffness, his muscles completely lock up and go rigid like he's just been Shot. he doesn't make any sound or protest or flinch away or anything, he just kind of. stops breathing
luz pulls away immediately bc she recognizes that Something Is Very Wrong, i'm guessing she assumes it's a panic response bc hunter has plenty of reason to have issues with physical touch. but then she sees the expression on his face and it clicks and she's like.
hunter. dude. hey. hey. hunter.
do your scars HURT??????
#hunter: [blankly] y.... yes??? of course???#luz: DDDD: !!!!!!!!111shiftone!!1eleven!!!!#luz is like BUT THAT'S 80% OF YOUR BODY and hunter's like well. yes that is true. what is the point being made here.#luz: theres PAIN MEDICINE theres HEALERS theres DOCTORS FOR NEUROPATHY#hunter: oh. i forgot tbh. i just kind of figured i'd live like this#this post brought to you by oh my fucking god my hip and side hurt SO bad right now.#and i can't currently speak aloud. despite being perfectly able to form sentences by typing.#my brain isnt without speech but my body is too busy devoting all its energy to quietly trying not to die#more characters who dont scream or cry or anything when theyre in pain. little dudes who just breathe quietly and stare blankly#autoimmune tag#toh#horrible mindscape trauma pals#hunter toh#luz noceda
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Okay smartass how would you fix Bingqiu if you had your way?
If you actually want to know you could do to be less of a rude little shit about it, anon, but all right.
This is not about 'fixing' anything. Bingqiu is a wildly popular ship and a lot of people enjoy the exact kind of delusional insanity these two have about each other and that's honestly great. Love it for them. Not my cup of tea though.
I think the easiest and fastest way to make them sort their shit out and maybe put them in a position where I might actually be interested in what's going on with them is to take the protagonist halo away. Maybe the System short circuits, maybe it just gets automatically turned off after the extras, don't know don't care.
A lot of Shen Qingqiu's self delusions are fueled by his unshakeable belief that Luo Binghe, being The Protagonist, is Perfectly Fine the way he is. Binghe is the Protagonist, so when there are no character development or obligatory angst events going on he is happy and healthy and a slightly charred good boy and Shen Qingqiu is The Happy Wife who dotes on his hubby and Everything Is Right In The World. Endless honeymoon with their responsibilities only coming to bother them every once in a while. And it makes it way too easy for Binghe to cover up that he's still hurt, still unstable and still insecure by what went down because Shen Qingqiu is willing to take him at face value when he presents his insecurities as just being shameless neediness for his husband. Of course he happily indulges Binghe! But that isn't really helping with the core of the problem now, does it?
Like, Binghe takes steps towards ensuring Shen Qingqiu's mental wellbeing even at the cost of his own as soon as Maigu Ridge is over when he takes him back to the sect. Shen Qingqiu tries too, in his own way (the entire segment in the tombs is all about him putting himself in very real danger for Binghe's sake) but at the same time, this is a guy who completely missed the writing on the wall that Bingge was deeply unhappy in PIDW. As long as he can hold onto his internal picture that The Protagonist Suffered A Lot But He Is Fine Now I don't think he can really offer the right kind of emotional support for Binghe to actually heal from what happened to him and move on to a healthier frame of mind.
If you take the protagonist halo away, then first of all Binghe can, you know, suck a little. Or a lot, actually. The world not making excuses for him and him being a little defanged would be good for him. He gets really nothing he actually wants from being the protagonist - Shen Qingqiu will love him anyway. Mobei-jun will still stick around to back him up and help him out, because he's still Shang Qinghua's favorite fictional son and Qinghua is happy to see Binghe happy, just, you know, somewhere way over there where he can't get jealous tsundere over Cucumber bro and maybe murder him about it. Sha Hualing is still going to be his buddy because he's her best source of human trivia and the writing inspiration for her girlfriend. Not having to be demon emperor and getting more time to spend with his husband would be a relief.
But he would have to be more aware of other people because he's not above them anymore. Maybe even forced to make a few new friends to get by. And his mask will fail and Shen Qingqiu will have to see him for what he is: just Luo Binghe, still hurt and still confused half demon, who loves him very much, but can't make sense of him and is afraid that he will be left behind or pushed away without explanation again and that's kinda Shen Qingqiu's own damn fault.
And Shen Qingqiu can't hold onto his delusions about The Protagonist. He can't willfully ignore that things are not fine with Binghe because he's not the Protagonist anymore and the world only allows that special privilege for the Protagonist. Binghe is just a guy now and he has so many heart demons he needs help with. His trauma from the abyss or Xin Mo can't be brushed off with 'oh that's just part of his blackening he's fine now' anymore. And it might need a little bit of adjusting to internalize that these problems have always been here just below the surface, but Shen Qingqiu genuinely loves Binghe and would want to help him become happier and more stable in any way he can.
Binghe becoming part of the world in a way that's one person among many - building a support network! maybe befriending new demons or actually getting to know and making up with the QJ disciples or finding common ground with LQG and becoming sparring buddies - rather than a protagonist in a sea of NPCs is a lot more interesting to me than whatever he has going on at the end of canon. And Shen Qingqiu can be there with him on that journey, because he already started unlearning the sense of unreality the System conditioned into him, but he still has a long way to go.
#i feel like a lot of very real hurt and mental scarring Binghe suffered just get brushed aside as 'oh it's just part of his blackening'#like the aftereffects of Xin Mo alone would deserve a mention but Binghe Has The Love Of His Life Now So Everything Is Fine#also I think people really undersell how hard SQQ can delude himself when he tries#he already had practice in it convincing himself that he's absolutely het and not even a little gay at all#but then the System really fucked up how he sees the world#made him see things structured completely around the arc of a harem and then romance protagonist#and neither of those frameworks ALLOW him to see how mentally scarred LBH is by everything#like he would occasionally get a moment of 'oh LBH might actually need more friends he looks lonely hanging out with just me and NYY'#but then his idiot reader brain reasserts itself and he convinces himself that it's FINE because the protagonist can't be maladjusted#I joke a lot that Binghe is a red flag and that's Shen Yuan's favorite color#but it's more a case of “you say that it's a red flag but I won't see it because the narrative can't allow it to be red”#Shen Yuan's attachment to the source material and the roles he constructs based on it are actively harming both of them#and I don't feel like it really makes things better that by the end he moved himself from the role of the Villain to the role of the Wife#they are still roles that impact how he interacts with reality n still constrict how well he's able to understand or be understood by Bingh#tl;dr.: Shen Yuan needs to become less of a delulu millennial trashfire bc it's holding both of them back from healing#anyway these are my unfiltered Bingqiu thoughts take it or leave it
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[IMPORTANT]
Lixue appreciation post!
Also friendly reminded to Go read Second honkai eruption Manga!
#honkai#honkai impact#cheng lixue#lixue#she is like one of my fav characters in honkai#and waters edge is the only elf i hav maxed#actualy the only elf i gachaed for#i was so happy when she came out cuz one of my fav characters that was manga exlusive finaly came to the game#little did i know sushana and su where on thir way too#sadly su aint gana become playable#but hopefully vita will#fem su is close enough#but i havent met her in story yet#gata finish reading tgcf first#and reading books is hard#but funn#but dam i relised how much honkai brok me#like i cant read the name “mei” with out my brain instently going “MEI SENPAI! MEI SENPAI!” like stfu kiana go back to the moon#where ur cooking cant hurt anyone#like ive been thinking#would kaslanas be able to cook if thy stoped using thir duperhuman powers and magical wepons to cook?#like if insted of using her herrscher powers and devine key kiana would use the microwave and a normal knife would she be able to?#and i dont trust cooking with valkinris#thata straight up propaganda made by otto to mske u think the girl he loves can actualy cook#snd his granddoughter#cant forget teri#she guilty of abusing judah
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everybody wish rainbow rowell happy birthday i'll start
@rainbowrowell happy birthday! and thank you for writing some of my favorite books about dragons and parents and love-letters to fanfiction; the world's just better with the things you've put into it
#this is a little too personal for the main body of the post but i hope you see it too#when the mage just straight up died after simon said “stop hurting me” with magic? that made some stuff Click in my brain#i'm always sad that i wasn't in the fandom sooner but sometimes you read a story EXACTLY when you need to (it's just fate)#ANYWAY >:D EXCITED FOR SLOW DANCE
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well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost
#avil plays hi3#tbf majority of me playing through hi3 just looks like This.#yes the acheron trailer made me get up and finish ch 17#i. :(#the fight between kiana and mei was so painful :(#ok also i suck ass in the combat and i was so scared of having to restart#BUT I THINK I HURT MORE THE FACT THAT KIANA JUST REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON MEI#BUT MEIS ALSO DOING THIS BECAUSE SHES TRYING TO SAVE KIANA#AND THEY WERE BOTH FIGHTING TO STOP AND TRY TO SAVE EACH OTHER#MEI YOU SAVED KIANA BUT LIKE..... DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE ALONGSIDE HER.... MEI PLEASE#tbh. the way i was going through ch 17 for hi3.#kiana and mei remind me a lot of oz and gil's relationship back in pandora hearts but#now it makes me want to hit my head on a brick wall because#'wow. i really just gravitate tO THE SAME FUCKING MEDIA EVERY DAMN TIME AVIL STOP IT FFS'#also idk i was thinking about it too#mei tried earlier to use the herrschers powers to try and protect kiana but it wasnt enough. she failed that time#and with no other option to save her she just HAD to and it makes me HURT that this was her only option#IN HER HEAD. I BELIEVE IN YOU MEI I THINK THERE COULDVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION HERE (IDK WHAT BUT I AM SOBBING)#sprawls on the ground#at least i can have an emotional break for a little bit.... hsr update so i can chill w that#and then when i finish catching up w that. then i go back to being hi3's punching bag#can i get off this train now? why'd i sign myself up for this (welt yang doomed me and then i got fucked over by everything else)#idk also the way that both mei AND kiana resorted to using their herrscher powers to stop the other. two stubborn people....#but its done because they just... they just care so much and want to save the other#okay yeah we did beat each other up about it bUT STILL#MEI I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND 😭😭😭😭😭#anyways. glad i did. i have the worst stomach ache rn so i was Going through it#but my brain hit a reset so i feel normal now. save for the crying
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i think something people forget about pink diamond is that she had compassion for life long before she went to earth
the pebbles assume steven is pink not because of his gem or aura but just because he says ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’ to them, a basic common courtesy that nobody else has given them in thousands of years
in steven’s pink visions, blue is yelling at pink about the little bugs she let loose on homeworld. when one of them is found in her cell, she is quick to check it’s okay before helping it out of the room. even before encountering humans she valued organic life.
even the garden, the setting of pink’s cruellest moment, is proof of her care for organic life. Unlike every other part of homeworld, the garden is teeming with plant-life, which was kept healthy enough that it continued to grow even after pink abandoned it. the only other homeworld structure that tends to organic life is the human zoo. who’s to say the garden wasn’t another attempt by the other diamonds to placate pink after she expressed concern for the life on one of their colonies? or maybe pink picked the plants herself from the many different colonies she visited and grew them there.
pink wasn’t perfect. she had a bad habit of acting on her emotions and impulses without considering the consequences of her actions, and she hurt a lot of people because of it. but she considered all life precious and worth protecting, it just wasn’t until she had a colony of her own that she fully understood that the expansion of homeworld was intrinsically linked to the destruction of life, and the moment she realised that is the moment she stood against it.
#steven universe#su pink diamond#this post is almost 5 years too late lol#like padparadscha by the time my thoughts have found their way from my brain to my mouth the moment is long gone#but a hot take is a hot take even if it’s been in a slow cooker#i just think people are sleeping on the pebbles and the scene with the little rainbow catipillar#there always seemed to be a sentiment that pink was an inherently cruel person and that she didn’t care about anything before earth?#and that her care for life was either superficial or out of left field#but something my brain keeps rotating round is that she was always like this she always cared for other life forms but never took them#seriously. she always cared about them but never really paid close attention to how they were. and it was something she learnt off of the#other diamonds who treated her exactly the same as she treated everybody else. they loved her but they didn’t understand her and they#never made an effort to change that. and they never thought about how their actions made her feel or whether she was responding to their#own outbursts and emotions. and she never considered how her actions would make other people feel.#she didn’t think how her screaming would hurt volleyball until it happened. she didn’t consider how all-encompassing her orders to spinel#and pearl and potentially garnet were. she didn’t think about how spinel would be hurt by being left behind and quite frankly i do think#she completely forgot spinel existed once she became preoccupied with saving earth which is horrible but also makes total sense for her#character who from creation was taught that other gems were worth less than her and that they existed only to serve her or her fellow#diamonds; and as somebody who was used to the concept of being left behind and abandoned whenever the people she cared about got bored#or annoyed with her. it hurts but it’s a part of life to her. what she didn’t consider js that her words are law and she left spinel with#no free-will. she left pearl physically unable to share important information and solve the problems she left behind.#and she doesn’t consider how her death will make others feel - she doesn’t think the diamonds will care that she dies but they do and they#murder all of her friends except for two. she thinks the crystal gems will be fine without her if she says goodbye to become steven but#they aren’t and a good portion of the show is about the gems grief and how it creates an unstable environment for steven to grow up in#consistently pink diamond was taught her feelings didn’t matter and was made to feel nobody cared about her if they weren’t compelled to#and that compiled with the privileged position she was formed into made her an insecure spoiled brat who had no comprehension that her#choices could hurt people around her#did she ever even consider that the diamonds were grieving her? or did she think it was just another action of violence to exert control?#i don’t think i’ll ever be over pink diamond#funnily enough steven has a similar problem e.g. sadie’s talent show and when connie was upset he gave himself up to homeworld#but that’s a discussion for when i’m not at tag limit lol
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crawls out of my writing cave on all fours, disheveled and holding a twenty-four-thousand-word-long document between my teeth
#i have. finally finished the WIP i’ve been struggling to write for the last 3 months!!!#Seven’s Celestial Commentary#writing stuff#[N]MbD#[Not] Made by Design#this little hurt/comfort oneshot got. a bit out of hand. and now has way more plot than i originally intended#but i am Quite happy with the direction it went in so it’s all good#just gotta figure out how to split it into chapters for readability on AO3#24k feels too long for one page even tho it’s a oneshot… sigh it’s AEIWNF all over again#anyways i’m so happy to have gotten that fic out of my brain. feels good man#i’m so ready for [N]MbD’s series to consist of more than one (1) spicy fic. there’s So much more to the AU than that#new hefty installment in the [N]MbD AU comin’ atcha… Soon™️#soon meaning once i finish publishing the rest of AEIWNF and the shorter [N]MbD oneshot that i want posted first#now that i’m sitting on a number of finished WIPs for other things i finally feel ready to return to writing for ES#i’d like to chip away at the next few chapters of that fic while i post my backlog of other stuff that’s ready to go
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