#and that is. the life of the person youre 'saving' ends up only being defined by what you make it to be (eva will cease to exist without

[gootube]

i am nothing but a mosaic of every time i've lost you / my life exists only within an outline of you

[ro-is-struggling]

Safer In His Arms || Geralt of Rivia x Reader

Requested by anon

Summary: Since you were little you always dreamed of meeting a noble and brave knight, falling in love and marrying him to rule your kingdom together until the end of your days. But as you looked around at the men that had come to the banquet to ask for your hand in marriage, it was clear that those dreams were nothing more than a fantasy. Or at least that's what you thought until fate crossed your path with Geralt of Rivia. The witcher, with his hard expression and cold stare, was the last person anyone would describe as warm or chivalrous. But not you. From the moment you met him, you saw nothing but kindness in his eyes. And when he managed to rescue you from the hands of bandits, you knew that maybe there was still some hope that your fantasy could come true —just maybe not in the way you had always imagined. 

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of sexual assault (nothing happens but if it’s triggering for you I wouldn’t read it), protective!geralt, SMUT MINORS DNI, virgin!reader, inexperienced!reader, loss of virginity (not accurate this is just porn!), dirty talk, oral sex (f receiving), penetrative sex, creampie, aftercare, fluff

English is not my first language

Word count: 13500 (not even sorry)

Notes: I don't know why I keep giving every princess I write a sad/tragic story, sorry about that. Also this ended up being way more smutty than I anticipated, sorry about that too (not really). It was supposed to be a fun little hurt/comfort fic about Geralt saving the reader but it developed a mind of its own and ended up being another excuse to write more smut. I tried to make the smut a bit more fluffy than normal since it's supposed to be the reader's first time, but I didn't want it to be too fluffy given that they technically barely know each other, so there's no actual love between them (if that makes sense?). So, sorry if it's a bit all over the place!

The cold breeze of the summer night hit your skin the moment you set foot outside, reminding you that you should have taken a coat. While the days tended to be hot this time of year, once the sun set over the horizon a cool breeze embraced the entire kingdom, courtesy of the ocean forces that surrounded the borders of the land. It was quite peaceful. On a quiet night you loved to sit in the courtyard listening to the waves crashing against the rocks and smelling the scent of the salty water that was carried by the winds and mingled with the sweet perfume of the garden flowers. It seemed to always bring peace to your troubled mind, and that was exactly what you needed right now.

You could still hear the noise coming from inside the castle, though it was slowly getting lost in the sound of the sea. The laughter, the chatter, the joyful music, it all faded into the background as you plopped down on one of the seats in the courtyard, allowing yourself a moment to take a deep breath and let the beauty of your kingdom impart some of the wisdom you so desperately needed. All the guests were there for you —to talk and dance with you, to make unattainable but romantic promises in exchange for your hand in marriage— and yet all you wanted to do was disappear. You were tired of the politics, the diplomacy, tired of feeling the pressure of having to decide the future of your life and your kingdom in one night. The choice of a husband was very important to your parents, to your people and it should be to you too, but all you wanted was for the day to be over.

"I'm glad to see I'm not the only one feeling overwhelmed in there." A deep voice startled you. 

Looking up you were met with a tall man leaning against one of the stone pillars supporting the roof of the covered section of the courtyard. His arms were crossed over his chest, muscles showing through the fabric of his clothes. His white hair hid part of his face, though you could still make out his hard expression and defined jaw. But what caught your attention the most was not the size of his muscles or the fact that the clothes he was wearing seemed too elegant for someone like him. No, what caught your attention the most were the amber eyes that watched you, admiring you from a distance, hiding behind a few rebellious strands of hair. You had never seen such beautiful eyes before. They were piercing, and yet there was a softness in them. Like the sun on a summer afternoon, they shone with an intensity that would have blinded anyone. But you were mesmerized by them, unable to look away. 

"Though I must admit I did not expect to find you here, your highness, given that you are the center of the party."

"I needed some fresh air." You managed to say, forcing yourself to look away from his eyes. "I lost count of the number of men I danced with tonight...I just needed a break."

"That bad, huh?" His lips curved upward slightly, giving his hard expression a softer look. "I suppose if any of them had made a good impression at least you would remember their name."

"It wouldn't matter anyways. My parents have a very strong opinion about the one I should choose." You let out a bitter chuckle. "This banquet is just a formality, a contingency plan.... Give everyone a false sense of hope so they won't attack us for feeling left out."

"I'm sure you still have some sort of control over the whole thing. You're the one getting married after all."

"Since when does a woman's opinion matter when there's wealth and power involved? I'm just a pawn in their political game." Your gaze dropped, focusing on the embroidered details of your dress to avoid facing the intense gaze of the man in front of you. "When I was a girl I used to dream of growing up, meeting a brave and honorable prince and falling in love with him... now I know that feelings come after marriage, if they come at all."

Geralt watched you walk arround the courtyard, your fingers tracing the petals of the flowers that decorated the place without paying much attention to your movements. You had a blank stare and a sad expression adorned your delicate face. He was not a big lover of royalty —he didn't care about politics and didn't like the arrogant tone with which most of them used to speak—, but you were different. When he looked at you he didn't see a spoiled, arrogant princess or a manipulative political figure capable of anything to get their way. He only saw a sad and disillusioned young woman, confused about her future and the responsibility that fell on her shoulders. 

Geralt felt bad for you and had an inexplicable urge to hug you, though he restrained himself. He opted to move closer to you, just took a couple of steps forward and he was already able to breathe in the scent of your perfume. His nostrils were pleasantly assaulted by the sweet scent emanating from your skin and hair. It was special, a blend of jasmine, vanilla and a hint of sea water. It was like nothing he had ever smelled before and he was sure that your scent would linger in his memory for a long time.

"It is still your life." He spoke behind your back and you turned to look at him. He seemed much bigger now that he was closer to you. His figure towered over you imposingly, yet his eyes were soft. "You can always take back your control over it." Your lips curved upward slightly and Geralt thought the smile suited you much better than the grimace of sadness. 

You appreciated his effort to improve your mood. He was a complete stranger who had no reason to listen to your complaints about a life that many considered privileged. And though his words were simple, they accomplished their purpose. You felt so helpless and trapped that you were unable to see that things didn't end there. Yes, you were forced to marry someone you did not love for the sake of your kingdom, but that was not the same as giving up your life, your control and power over it. There was still hope.

"Thank you..." you trailed off, realizing at that moment that you had opened yourself so sincerely to a man whose name you didn't even know. 

But before he could introduce himself, a voice in the distance interrupted you, answering for him.

"Geralt! There you are! I have been looking everywhere for you. You are supposed to protect me, you know."

Geralt let out an irritated sigh as the man you recognized as one of the many musicians hired by your parents to play at the banquet approached you. You had to stifle a chuckle as you realized that rather than escaping the noise of the party, he had come there to get a break from his friend's vibrant and cheerful personality. They were an odd pair, but you had no doubt that there had to be trust between them from the way the bard addresses him.

“I’ve been doing the impossible to hide from Lord Kaius for ages! What the hell were you doing out her–” The artist's complaints were cut short when his eyes finally rested on your figure. "Your highness." He gave a subtle bow, the tone of his voice changing to a lower, more subtle one from one second to the next.

"I'm afraid it's my fault. I was preoccupying your friend with the problems that afflict my mind on this fine evening and he was too kind to interrupt me. He was a great help, but you can take him back now. You clearly need him more than I do."

"Won't you come inside, your highness? You wouldn't want to miss your own party." The bard asked and you smiled at him. 

"In a moment. I'd like to enjoy the peace and fresh air for a while longer."

Geralt didn't know why, but his eyes kept searching for you in the crowd of people dancing and eating like there was no tomorrow. After Jaskier dragged him back to the banquet hall —and after saving him from the fury of the man whose daughter had lost her innocence in the hands of the bard—, he kept his eyes on the big dark wooden doors, waiting to see you enter. But the minutes passed and there was no sign of you anywhere. He hadn't seen you come through the door and he couldn't find you in the crowd of people or see you at the royal table sitting next to your parents. You had disappeared and some people were beginning to notice.

For a moment, Geralt wondered if perhaps his words had encouraged certain behaviors in you. Maybe your way of taking control of your life was to run away from there, leaving your parents, your suitors and your responsibilities behind and start from scratch. He was wondering if perhaps he should go out to look for you, when his thoughts were interrupted by the sudden entrance of a man running towards the king and queen waving a paper in his raised right hand.

"The princess has been kidnapped." He announced loudly, causing the entire room to fall into a deep silence. 

The musicians stopped playing, the people dancing stood motionless in the middle of the room and the queen almost fainted at that very moment. There was a collective sigh and then nothing. Pure silence while the king read the note that had been left behind by the bandits, establishing a payment for the recovery of the princess.

However, the silence did not last long. It was a room full of princes, knights and lords who were there to win the heart of the princess —or at least, the political interest of her parents— so chaos was bound to break out at a time like that. Lord Einar, the one who had found the note in the courtyard, was the first to offer his services to save the princess. His bravery set off a chain reaction of man after man appearing before the king to justify why they were the best suited for the task and not their competitors. And as they fought among themselves, Geralt decided to take matters into his own hands. 

He finally felt comfortable as he inspected the courtyard and its surroundings for some sort of clue as to your whereabouts. For the first time since he had arrived at the castle he felt as if he actually had something to do there. Banquets and politics weren't his thing, but tracking down and hunting evil was. And while his area of expertise was monsters, he was willing to make an exception —anything to find an excuse to get him out of the political mess unfolding in the banquet hall.

His senses enhanced by the mutation allowed Geralt to follow the path that your scent had left in the air. He only had to take a couple of deep breaths and he immediately caught the fragrance of jasmine and vanilla that he had smelled on your skin. It stood out above any other scent near him, almost as if he had you in front of him once again. All he had to do was follow it to the outskirts of the castle, where his tracking skills allowed him to form a clearer picture of the situation.

They were heading north, away from the ocean and into the forest. The four pairs of footprints in the dirt indicated the presence of three heavy men who were accompanied by a fourth subject that was not so pleased to be there. The footprints were more shallow and imperfect. They belonged to a person of smaller build who was being dragged by those men. Geralt found no blood on the path, so he felt optimistic. You were conscious and had no serious wounds that would leave traces of your blood on the road, so there was a high chance that he would arrive in time to save you.

Following the path became a little more complicated the deeper he went into the woods, but fortunately for him the vegetation was not so lush and the bandits had not hidden very far away. Soon he was able to hear their angry mutterings in the distance. The night wind carried your sobs with it and Geralt followed them as if it were a map straight to your whereabouts. 

You were being held captive in what appeared to be abandoned land. There was a dirty old shack and behind it, in the distance, Geralt could make out a barn that he had no doubt was in the same condition. A dim light was escaping through the half-open wooden door, so he knew that was where he had to go. 

Two of the bandits scattered around the property to control the perimeter while one remained inside with you. Geralt was able to slip past them unseen with ease. Clearly, they were not men of great intellect and wisdom. Only a fool would kidnap a princess on the one night she was surrounded by strong and capable noble knights looking to prove themselves to her. Although glancing around, he was the only one there, so perhaps the bandits had a point.

Geralt was very careful with his movements, seeking to stay in the shadows as long as possible to assess the situation. He knew he could take out those men without breaking a sweat, even if they attacked him all three at once. But he had to consider that you were in the middle and any mistake he made could end badly for you. So he took his time, stealing a glimpse of the barn through the cracked door. His vision was limited by the odd angle from which he was forced to observe the scene, as well as the dim light that illuminated the room. Geralt was considering going in with his sword held high and end it all, when a sudden movement forced him to retreat so as not to be found.

Still, he got to see the way the man was mistreating you, pushing you violently against a pile of hay while you cried and begged for your life. And he got to hear the string of degenerate words he spat at you, enjoying the fear in your voice as you struggled to keep your distance from him. It made Geralt angry. Very angry.

The next sequence of actions happened so quickly that it was hard for you to process it. Although, to be honest, your mind wasn't quite there either. A part of you was completely missing, preparing to face the worst. When your captor lunged at you, effectively imprisoning you against the hay and almost completely restricting your movements, your mind transported you to another place. You could still hear his voice in the distance, smell his unpleasant odor and feel his weight on your body, but it all felt distant, muffled by the sounds of the ocean waves crashing against the rocks and the smell of salt water. Your body was still struggling to break free and tears were still streaming down your cheeks, but your mind was preparing to face the horror you knew was coming.

"You can cry all you want, no one is coming to save you." The man clicked his tongue, an evil smile forming on his lips. "A castle full of people and not a single man in sight, what a shame! But don't worry, princess, the time has come for you to know what a real man is." He moved his hands to the buttons of his pants, his leering gaze roaming over your body. You felt like screaming, crying and vomiting all at the same time, but you remained immobile, not knowing how to react. You simply closed your eyes, concentrating on the images of the sea you loved so much, waiting for the moment to pass.

But instead of feeling the weight of your captor's body on you again, you felt the splatter of warm liquid on your skin. Droplets rolled down your cheeks, mixing with your tears, and streams fell on your clothes. When you opened your eyes you found the sharp point of a sword poking out of your captor's pierced stomach. It was his blood that drenched your body, his blood that stained your clothes. It poured down on you from the wound in his stomach and from the cut in his throat that prevented him from producing more than broken cries as he drowned in his own blood.

It took you a few seconds to understand what was happening. Your confused mind, on high alert for new dangers, was not able to comprehend that the death of your captor was something positive for you. You only saw blood in quantities you had never seen before and could not help but scream as you watched in horror as the sword disappeared inside the bandit's body —splashing a few more drops of blood on its way out.

In the blink of an eye, the dying body of your captor was removed from above you and was replaced by a hand that pressed over your mouth to silence you. You struggled against it, your own hands snapping out of their state of shock to clutch at the arm of the new danger in an attempt to separate it from you. But then your eyes focused on the man leaning over you, the one who had saved you and who was desperately asking you to keep quiet.

A surge of calm ran through your body as you made contact with those golden eyes that intrigued you so much. You knew then that you were no longer in danger for Geralt had come to your rescue. Your heart was still beating almost inhumanly fast, pumping adrenaline throughout your body, and your breathing was still rapid, but you were able to calm your whimpers of protest under his hand. You stopped fighting him, trusting that you would be safe under his care.

"There are more-" You tried to warn him as he removed his hand from your mouth, but Geralt shushed you.

"I know, they're outside. That's why I need you to stay quiet and hide while I deal with them. Can you do that, your highness?" You nodded slowly, letting Geralt lead you to the back of the barn. He settled you behind a pile of hay that was large enough to hide your crouched figure, asking you to stay there until he came back for you, no matter what you heard outside.

"Wait! Don't leave me!" you panicked as he took a step away from you. Your hand flew to his arm, clinging to his clothes in an attempt to keep him from leaving. You knew what he had to do, but the thought of being alone again terrified you.

"Everything will be fine." Geralt tried to calm you, his voice a soft whisper. "I promise I will come back for you." 

He gave you a moment before trying to leave once again, waiting for you to let go of his arm willingly rather than forcibly push you away. Geralt knew you were terrified and needed support, and he was more than willing to give it, but first he had to take care of the bandits that were still on the loose. And it would not be wise to fight them while you were present. It would only distress you further and put you in unnecessary danger. So, with a slight nod, he left you in the barn once more, disappearing into the night to finish what he had started.

You curled up in your place, listening to the distant sounds of the fight as you let another wave of tears roll down your cheeks. The smell of blood and dirt surrounded you. You were covered in it —in dirt, from being pushed back and forth around the place; in your captor's sweat, after he threw his body over yours; and in his blood, thanks to Geralt's fierce but effective attack. It made you want to vomit. The reality of the situation was starting to sink in, and your mind was slowly beginning to understand the great danger you were in and how lucky you were that Geralt showed up when he did.

“Princess?” 

His voice brought you back to reality. He was kneeling beside you, looking at you with concern in those beautiful yellow eyes. The skin on his face was stained with a few drops of blood, as you imagined yours to be, but that did not lessen the softness of his expression. You threw yourself into his arms without a second thought, hiding your face in his neck as you sobbed in relief to know that the danger was over.

"It's okay, you're safe. I'm here, it's going to be okay." Geralt muttered against your hair, pulling you into his arms hoping that would be enough to help ease your nerves. 

He held you against his body for as long as you needed him to, stroking your back with his hand in a slow, delicate way to inspire some sense of calm in you. He didn't move for a moment, not even when your sobs began to fade and your breathing became regular. No, Geralt waited for you to make the first move, breaking away from him when you were ready to do so. 

"It's all right. You're fine. Just breathe with me. In...and out...in...and out. All right." 

You let the soft but deep tone of his voice slowly wash away the paralyzing fear and nerves that plagued you. You focused on the warmth of his body and the way his arms wrapped around you, making you feel safe. You mimicked the rhythm of his breathing, letting him slowly guide you back to normal. 

When you opened your eyes again the world around you was no longer spinning. Your vision was still a little blurry from the tears, but you could make out perfectly the yellow eyes, bright as the summer sun, watching you carefully.

"There you are!" Geralt gave you a small smile. "Did they hurt you?" You shook your head. Most of the blood on you at that moment wasn't yours, thankfully. Beyond a couple of bruises on your wrists from the bindings, and a split lip from a slap, you weren't injured. Your head hurt and you had twisted your ankle in an attempt to escape but it was nothing you couldn't handle.

"Who were they?" You asked in a shaky voice as you tried to stand up. You winced in pain as you put weight on your injured foot, but Geralt caught you in his arms before you lost your balance.

"Trust me, you're not going to like the answer to that."

A collective sigh was heard as you and Geralt entered the war room, where the king and queen were coordinating a rescue party with some soldiers and half of the suitors present at the banquet. It was a sigh of surprise rather than relief. It was clear that no one expected to see you there, much less with the disheveled appearance you had. 

Your mother was the first to react, running up to you with tears in her eyes. Although she couldn't bring herself to hug you, the blood that stained your ball gown was still fresh, so she settled for holding your cheeks in her hands while repeating over and over again how happy she was that you were safe. Your father reacted by sending the guards to arrest Geralt as his worried mind believed that the witcher somehow had something to do with your kidnapping. You had to stand between them, taking your savior's hand in yours to make your position clear. 

"What you imply is ridiculous! He saved me, father. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him." you stated firmly, keeping your head held high and holding back tears in your eyes. 

"He very well could still be behind all this. He's a witcher who wasn't officially invited to the festivities and conveniently vanished in the middle of the night without a word. No one can attest to him but that bard..."

"No offense, your majesty, but I just felt as though the situation was not being treated with the necessary urgency." Geralt interjected, speaking in a calm and slightly defiant tone. "I knew for a fact that she couldn't be far away and that time was of the essence, but everyone at that feast seemed more interested in proving themselves worthy of glory and respect than saving your daughter's life. I just did what had to be done."

"How dare you speak that way about these noble men, witcher! Any one of them would be more than willing to give his life for my daughter!"

"He is right, father. If you want to find a culprit, you should direct your gaze to Lord Einar."

The room fell silent as all eyes turned to him. But his gaze was focused on you, staring at you with a fury you didn't know if the others were able to detect. He took a step forward and you tightened your grip on Geralt's hand, instinctively seeking his support. He stuck to your side, silently letting you know that he was ready to come between him and you if necessary —though he seriously doubted that Einar would be stupid enough to try to hurt you in front of the king.

"This is absurd!" Lord Einar complained with exaggerated outrage. "I will not allow myself to be disrespected in this way! I was invited to this feast to formalize my interest in the princess, which is greater than that of anyone in this room, if I may add. Have you forgotten that it was I who noticed the princess's strange disappearance? If I had not gone out to look for her, perhaps the news of her disappearance would have come too late. And may I remind you, your majesty, that it was I who first offered my services to bring her back safe and sound."

"That was the plan, wasn't it?" Geralt spoke through gritted teeth. "To pay some coins to a bunch of desperate bastards to take her so that you could rescue her and thus win her and the king's heart."

"I will not allow this... thing to disrespect me like this!"

"Your scent was on their clothes. Your name was the last thing they uttered before I slit their throats. You knew you didn't stand a chance with her, so you found a way to force your name to the top of the list."

Intimidated by Geralt's cold, hard stare, Lord Einar turned to look at the king. "These are nothing more than baseless accusations made by someone who clearly wants to distract us from his own guilt and involvement." he said, keeping his head held high as he lied through his teeth. "I beg you, my king, to consider punishment for this insolent witcher."

"Is this proof enough for you?" you snapped, tossing an object on the table. 

After the bandits were dead, Geralt had searched their bodies for some kind of proof that their words were true. That's how he had found a ring in the pocket of one of them that clearly didn't belong to them. It was made of a fine metal and in the center, engraved in gold, was the seal of a noble family: the Blakesley family.

The ring rolled against the dark wood, exposing Lord Einar's lies with each flick of the ring before the gaze of all present. There was nothing he could say to avoid the punishment that was coming, so when your father gave the order and the guards took him by force, he decided to take his rage out on you. His voice echoed through the corridors as he was escorted to the dungeon, shouting a string of insults at you. He questioned your honor and your ability as a ruler, claiming that he only wanted to marry you to ensure that the kingdom would not perish when your father died. 

Those were nothing more than the words of an unstable man who was filled with spite, angered by your rejection. You knew it meant nothing, but you still couldn't help but feel humiliated as he shouted all those things in front of so many people. Your eyes filled with tears and you clung to Geralt almost instinctively, hiding your face in his neck so no one would see you cry. He wrapped his arms around you, ignoring the very unfriendly looks that several of the men in the room gave him. 

Your mother ordered the room to be emptied, realizing that the crowd was doing nothing to help your condition. The last thing you needed at that moment was to feel watched and judged by a bunch of people, so she personally closed the doors behind the last guard to leave the room.

"You should take a long bath, my love. I'll send someone to prepare the tub and clean clothes for you. That will certainly make you feel better." Your mother spoke in a soft voice, placing a hand on your back. "And you, witcher, are more than welcome to stay tonight. I'll have a room prepared for you and bring you some clean clothes. We can talk more in the morning."

You gave your mother a smile as you wiped your tears with the back of your hand, trying to convince her that you were fine. She knew you weren't, but she also knew you well enough not to push you at that moment. So she left the room without adding anything else, leaving you alone with Geralt once again.

"Thank you... for everything." Your voice broke the silence, your eyes traveling from the door to Geralt's face. "I just realized I didn't thank you yet." 

"You don't have to." He didn't need to hear it from your mouth, he could see in your eyes how grateful you were. Your expression hadn't changed much since he had found you, even though you tried hard to hide it, there were still traces of fear and distress in your eyes.

"Of course I have to! You have saved me from a terrible fate, not only at the hands of those bandits, but also at the hands of that... man." There were other words with which you would have liked to describe him, but you decided it was not appropriate for you to utter them. He didn't even deserve that from you. "I'm glad you were dragged here... I don't know what would have become of me without you tonight, Geralt."

The room fell silent as you looked into each other's eyes. You lost yourself in the amber that surrounded his pupils —which seemed to be more dilated, although it could well be an effect of the light, you thought—, trying to discover the secrets hidden in his eyes. Geralt was not easy to read, no matter how hard you tried, you had no idea of the things that could be going through his head at that moment. And yet, there was something in his eyes that calmed you. When he looked back at you, there was a softness in them that invited you to continue to admire them forever. It was a connection unlike anything you had ever felt before. It piqued your curiosity and some other things you didn't quite know how to explain. 

Your hand was still intertwined with Geralt's and you weren't entirely sure for how long. Although you weren't complaining, you found the warmth of his skin against yours extremely comforting. It made you feel less alone, less vulnerable. You trusted him with your life, you knew that as long as he was around nothing bad could happen to you. And boy did you need that at that moment. You were still quite affected by everything that had happened and the idea of being alone terrified you. You needed company, but not just anyone. You needed his company.

"Would you mind escorting me to my chambers?" you broke the silence, clearing your throat to make sure your voice sounded firm. "My foot still hurts a little and I wouldn't want to fall down the stairs."

It was a foolish excuse. You knew it. Geralt knew it. The twisted foot you got while struggling with your captors was not a cause for concern. It hurt a little, yes, but you could still walk normally. All you wanted was an excuse not to be separated from Geralt and luckily for you, he played along. He allowed you to take his arm for stability and walked with you to your quarters. You appreciated his proximity, enjoying the feel of his body pressed against yours as his warmth enveloped you. But unfortunately it only seemed to aggravate his absence when he pulled away from you, willing to leave you alone so you could rest.

Your hand closed around his arm almost as an unwilling reflex. Your body craved his closeness. Your mind needed his company to be at ease. As much as you wanted to, you couldn't let Geralt leave. Not tonight at least. His eyes lingered on your hand, admiring how small it appeared when compared to his arm, before he looked up into your eyes, searching your expression for an explanation.

"Stay, please." Your voice was almost a whisper. Your eyes had trouble making eye contact with him for the first time since you had met. Geralt knew then that you were embarrassed of uttering those words. "I need you. I... I don't want to be alone tonight."

"Are you sure?" He said after a few seconds of silence, his expression firm but gentle. You nodded, looking at him with pleading eyes as you released his arm from your grip. Geralt sighed and finally crossed the threshold of the door, closing it behind him. 

Geralt allowed you to guide him across the room to a door that hid a large private bathtub on the other side. It was already filled with water and salts, ready for you to use it. Everything smelled of you, of that delicious combination of jasmine and vanilla that Geralt found so special. It was intoxicating, like he was breathing in your scent straight from the source. 

"Would you mind helping me with the lace?" Your voice brought him back to reality. Geralt watched as you turned around, gathering your hair over one of your shoulders to expose your back to him so he could unfasten your dress. He knew it was inappropriate and that he was probably breaking some rule —not to mention, taking advantage of the king's hospitality—, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. Not when you were offering yourself to him like that.

Geralt's hands caressed your back first, his fingers slowly tracing a path from your shoulders to where the lacing of your dress ended. You closed your eyes, holding your breath as you felt him slowly loosen your dress. You could feel his imposing figure towering over you. He was so close that you could hear his breathing and feel the heat radiating from his body. You liked the proximity, probably more than you should.

When Geralt finished his work and your dress began to slide down your shoulders, you knew you should have been embarrassed. You were used to being naked in front of servants, but they were always women you trusted, handmaidens who had taken care of you since you were little and helped you dress or bathe. You had never been so exposed in front of a man before and you should definitely feel ashamed, but you were not. You simply let the dress fall to your feet and stepped into the tub as if there was no man present.

The water was warm and the tub was deep enough to hide your modesty if you sat in the right position. The dim candlelight also helped, though ultimately you really didn't mind feeling Geralt's gaze on your body.

"Join me, please. The water's nice and there's room enough for both of us."

Your curious eyes unashamedly traced the muscles of his arms and torso as he revealed himself to you. You noticed the scars that marked his skin, some smaller and some larger, and you couldn't help but wonder what the stories behind them were. Geralt was an exceptional man, unlike anyone you had ever met in your life. He was so rigid and reserved, and yet he had shown nothing but kindness and gentleness in your presence. He was a mystery and you wanted nothing more than to discover what he hid behind those beautiful amber eyes.

Out of respect —and some embarrassment—, you looked away as his hands undid the buttons of his pants. You focused your attention on the jasmine petals floating in the water, feeling your cheeks grow warm as a small voice in your head encouraged you to look up. 

Geralt settled next to you in the tub, avoiding being too close or sitting in front of you so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable or self-conscious in his presence. However, you needed his closeness, so you shortened the distance as much as you could, pressing your arm against his. When he didn't complain, you went a step further and rested your head on his shoulder. Geralt stood still for a moment, debating once again whether his actions were appropriate, but in the end he relaxed. 

He put his arm around your shoulders, effectively pulling you closer to him. A smile formed on your lips as you adjusted yourself in the new position, hiding your face in his neck. Geralt's fingers traced soft lines on the skin of your arm, a caress that both relaxed and excited you. That kind of intimacy was something new to you. Feeling his naked skin against yours, inhaling that musky scent mixed with something you couldn't describe as anything but his own essence, feeling the soft caresses of his calloused fingers, everything made you feel a certain way inside. You didn't have the exact words to describe it. It was like a flame, a warmth spreading through you that was both comforting and exciting. Ultimately, you didn't care about being able to put a name to what you felt. You just wanted to stay close to Geralt for as long as you were allowed.

Without even realizing it, your hand traveled up to his chest, your curious fingers tracing the jagged lines that marked his skin. You used the scars as a map to his body, letting them guide your path as you explored his chest with your touch. And as your fingers moved, you imagined the heroic stories behind each one, wondering what kind of monsters had inflicted them and if there were any that were human-made.

"I wonder how many princesses you've saved to end up like this." You broke the silence, your voice soft as you got lost in thought. It was mostly a joke, but there was some genuine curiosity hidden in it. 

"Surprisingly, less than you're probably imagining."

You didn't quite know why, but hearing Geralt say that put a smile on your lips. It made you feel special, in a way. He hadn't been hired to save you —technically he hadn't even been invited to the party—, he had no obligation to you or your family, and yet he had risked his life to help you. There was something in you that awakened in him his noblest instincts.

"I'm sure that's what you tell everyone." You laughed, looking up at him from your position on his shoulder. You could admire his profile, his sharp jawline and the way his lips curved upward slightly as he let out a huff.

"Often delicate young women like you find my methods to be too... grotesque. They don't see me as being much different from the monsters I kill." Geralt spoke honestly, remembering the horrified expressions on the faces of the maidens he had sought to save from danger in his past, when he had little experience as a witcher. He was young and naive at the time and believed he could use his skills for more than just hunting monsters. After all, evil came in all shapes and sizes, even in humans. It didn't take him long to understand that humans didn't see a knight of noble spirit when he intervened in such situations, only a mutant designed to kill.

You noticed his thoughtful expression, his eyes looking straight ahead as if his mind was transporting him to another place. You wondered what kind of memories he might have swirling around in his head at that moment, outraged to think that someone could treat him badly after he saved their life. You admitted that he had quite an imposing figure and that his expression wasn't very friendly most of the time, but you still couldn't understand how anyone could be afraid of him. Even before he saved you —when he was just a stranger who took the time to listen to your problems— you saw nothing threatening in him. His beautiful yellow eyes inspired nothing but trust in you from the first moment you made contact with them.

“Then they were all fools." You sat up straight, one hand resting on Geralt's cheek to force him to look at you. "I don't understand how anyone could look at you and see danger in you. Even covered in blood, all I see is... safety and comfort." You gave him a small smile as your finger carefully wiped a small spot of blood from his cheek.

"Or maybe you're being naively nice."

Geralt took a cloth that rested on the edge of the tub and dipped it in the warm water. Then one of his hands cupped your chin, tilting your face slightly so he could get a better look at you in the candlelight. The flames danced in the air, creating shadows on your delicate skin. But even in the dim light he could still see the splashes of blood that stained your beautiful face. They made such a contrast that it was impossible to ignore them. The implication of such a violent act had no place on the delicate face of a princess like you. He hated to see the scratch on your lip, the dirt on your cheeks, the dried blood on your skin. You should not have been subjected to such horrors and he wanted to do everything in his power to erase the evidence from your body. So Geralt took the trouble to wipe the blood away, carefully running the wet cloth over your skin until it was all gone.

You remained silent as he worked on you, completely immobile while you watched him closely. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, but his expression was gentle. His hands moved delicately over your skin, as if he was afraid of breaking you if he wasn't careful. You could barely feel the cloth brushing against your cheek from how slow and gentle Geralt was being. But his fingers... his fingers were another story.

They were warm against your skin, caressing every little spot the cloth passed through to soothe any possible irritation the fabric might arouse. They awakened a tingling sensation as they traveled down your face. When they reached your neck, you knew that Geralt could feel the accelerated pulsing of your heart against his fingertips. It was impossible that he couldn't when you could hear the beating in your ears yourself. His hands felt so big against your neck. If he wanted to hurt you, he could probably do it with just one hand. That should have scared you, considering he was a man you barely knew, but it didn't. You knew he wasn't going to hurt you, not when he caressed the sensitive skin of your neck and collarbones with such gentleness.

"Maybe I'm naive," you broke the silence, your voice barely more audible than a whisper. "But I honestly don't think a mutant designed to kill, as you say, would go to the trouble of caring for me the way you are doing."

Geralt's eyes looked up at you, that intriguing yellow you loved so much capturing you in a transe. They were calling you, daring you to dive into the ocean of honey and mystery that was his gaze. And you obeyed without the slightest resistance, letting your heart take the reins of your body. You leaned towards him, slowly. His hands were still on your neck, but he didn't use them to stop you. On the contrary, he leaned towards you too and when your lips finally collided, he used his grip on your jaw to deepen the kiss.

The kiss started slow, a quick brush of your lips as you finally let yourselves indulge in your deepest desires. But as you became more comfortable in each other's arms, the kiss intensified. You let Geralt guide you, knowing that he would undoubtedly have more experience than you. You surrendered to his lips and the caresses of his tongue, giving yourself to him completely as you struggled to keep up with him. 

That wasn't your first kiss, however, it was the first kiss that felt like this, so... intense, passionate. You barely remembered the boy who had given you your first kiss, but you knew you would remember Geralt for the rest of your life. You didn't know how he did it, but the simple touch of his lips and the strokes of his fingers on your skin turned you to mush between his hands. You had never felt anything like it before and you didn't want to stop. But despite your protests, Geralt suddenly pulled away from you.

"What are you doing?" He didn't sound annoyed or confused, more concerned. 

"I'm taking control of my life." You leaned into him once more and Geralt accepted your kiss, his desperate lips demonstrating his true intentions. He let his desires consume him for a moment before regaining control over his body and pulling away from you again.

"Are you sure?" It wasn't that he wanted to stop, but the voice of morality in the back of his mind compelled him to make sure you wanted the same. He needed to know that he wasn't taking advantage of you, that you weren't throwing yourself into his arms as a result of your vulnerable state after the attack.

"For as long as I can remember, I have always dreamed of meeting a noble prince who would protect me from danger. We would fall in love and live a long and happy life together after our marriage. Now I know that is impossible. I cannot choose who I marry. I cannot choose to marry for love. There's nothing I can do to change it, that's just the way things work." You paused, your hands reaching for Geralt's to entwine your fingers. "But I can still choose who to give myself to, body and soul, for the first time... and you're the closest thing I have to that fantasy."

There was a sadness in your eyes that made Geralt feel bad for you. He didn't know you very well, but he knew you deserved better than a future you didn't want. The inability to choose your own path in life was something that seemed to affect you greatly, and if he was able to bring you some peace he was willing to do so. But the tub full of dirty water was not the place for it, much less considering it would be your first experience of something like that. 

"Speak freely." You said after a few seconds of unbearable silence. "If you don't want to be with me because you don't like me I'll understand. But please don't turn me down just because you think you're guarding my honor or something. I want this... I want you."

Those last words seemed to do the trick, because Geralt's lips joined yours once again. Only this time the kiss was different, much slower and more sensual, though just as desperate. His lips moved in time with yours, tongues intertwined in a sinful dance as Geralt allowed his hands to slowly explore your body. His fingers ignited flames on your skin in their path, pleasure and anticipation building inside you. 

The water in the tub swirled violently as Geralt lifted you into his arms, moving you to sit on his lap as if you weighed nothing. You clung to his shoulders for support, feeling his fingers dig into the sensitive skin of your hips. But it didn't hurt, at least not in a bad way. It was a pleasant ache that made you feel alive. Just like his kisses, which trailed down your jaw to your neck, sucking and nibbling on the sensitive skin. 

Geralt's kisses continued their way down and you couldn't help but buck your hips against his when his lips closed over your nipple. You pushed your chest into him instinctively, giving yourself to him as one of your hands got lost in his hair. Pure pleasure traveled through your veins as his tongue played with your breasts, giving attention to one before moving on to the other. He held you tightly against his body, one strong arm stretched across your back while the other wrapped around your waist, pulling you against his growing erection. 

You both moaned as your cunt made contact with his cock. The sensation you felt when the tip brushed against your little bundle of nerves was unlike anything you had ever felt before. The pleasure was much more intense, much more raw. You could feel it spreading through your body and into your bones. So, naturally, you sought it again, creating a rhythm that had you panting in no time. 

You were forced to stop when Geralt suddenly stood up, carrying you in his arms. Your moan of pleasure turned into a cry of surprise, the water in the tub moving violently, flooding the room as he moved towards the exit. You clung to his shoulders, afraid of falling, as you asked him what he was doing.

"We can't do it here. It has to be done properly, in a bed where you’ll be comfortable, and not in a bathtub full of filthy water."

You couldn't help but smile to yourself as you understood the meaning of his words. Once again, Geralt was looking after you, worrying about you and your well-being more than any other man in your life had ever done. He wanted to make things right, to make sure that your first sexual encounter was a positive experience. And while he wasn't exactly the man you had imagined doing it with, he was quite close to it. Every thing he said, every gesture he made to you, made you feel more confident in your decision.

Geralt carefully laid you down on the bed, making sure you were comfortable before continuing his assault on your body. He kissed you again and, as you let his tongue explore your mouth, you couldn't help but think how much bigger he felt now that he was leaning over you. He had one arm on either side of your head, holding himself up so he wouldn't crush you with his weight. One of his toned legs rested in between yours, keeping you open and exposed to him. You were essentially trapped under his body, completely at his mercy, and you liked it.

The pleasure building up inside you was starting to feel too overwhelming. As much as you enjoyed Geralt's wet kisses, you needed more. You needed relief. So you pushed your hips into him once more, seeking that intoxicating pleasure you'd felt in the bathtub. Your wet pussy slid easily up his thigh and a wave of pleasure coursed through your body. 

"Fuck!" Geralt moaned as he felt your wetness trickling down his leg. You looked so sensual moving your hips against him with adoring desperation, struggling to find some relief. The little moans that fell from your lips in between ragged breaths drove him crazy, making it difficult for him to control his instincts. He had to be gentle with you, it was your first time and no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't pin you down and fuck you until your legs shook.

"Tell me, princess, have you ever touched yourself?" Geralt spoke against your skin as his lips continued their path of wet kisses down your body. "Perhaps when you were alone at night, hidden in the darkness of your chambers."

It took you a few seconds to process Geralt's words, your mind distracted with the way his kisses slowly trailed down your chest, barely pausing on your breasts before continuing to travel down. It made your body tremble with anticipation, wondering what he was up to. He was watching you from his position on your abdomen, lips barely pulling away from your skin so he could observe your face more comfortably, waiting for an answer. The color of his eyes had darkened, the yellow glowing like the flames of the candles that lit the room. There was hunger in them. Geralt was looking at you like a wolf at its prey. You couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious, managing to answer him with a simple negative shake of your head. 

"So you don't know what real pleasure feels like, huh?" You weren't sure if it was a question for you, but you shook your head again anyway. You felt Geralt's lips curving into a smile against the sensitive skin of your lower belly and a shiver ran down your spine when you heard his next words. "I'm going to change that."

Despite the firmness in his voice, Geralt was slow and gentle with each movement he made next. He was careful to position himself between your legs, pushing them open and revealing your most secret part to his hungry gaze. He noticed almost immediately the way you tensed with embarrassment, feeling vulnerable, so he was quick to spread sweet kisses on your right thigh, while gently caressing the skin of your left. He could smell the scent of your arousal with every breath he took. It was intoxicating, the sweet nectar he had been waiting to taste all this time. But first he had to make sure you were comfortable. He was there to pleasure you, nothing mattered if you didn't enjoy it.

"It's okay, my sweet. You don't have to be ashamed, you're beautiful." He spoke against your skin, his voice a raspy, sensual, whisper. "I have to get you ready for my cock, all right? This will feel so good, I promise. But if it doesn't, I want you to tell me, can you do that?" You nodded, but that wasn't enough for him. "I need you to use your words."

"Yes, Geralt, I will."

"Good."

Geralt gave you a few seconds to relax before diving into your cunt, spreading wet kisses down your inner thighs as he got closer and closer to the place where you needed him most. When his tongue finally made contact with the sweet nectar trickling down your folds, he let out a sound that vibrated in his chest with force. All hint of self-control disappeared then, buried under the primal desire that the taste of your arousal awakened in him.

He ate you like a starving man, his tongue exploring your most intimate place with expert skill. Your hips jolted as his lips closed over your small bundle of nerves, your whole body convulsing as you felt pleasure like you had never felt before. It was so intense it was almost too much. It scared you in a way, as it felt like your own body didn't respond to you —like it didn't belong to you. It belonged to Geralt now, and only responded to the stimulation he gave your body.  You were torn between the need to pull away from his entrancing lips —which were no doubt uttering some spell to claim ownership of your innocence— and your body's carnal desire to surrender to his clever tricks in order to continue to feel such pure pleasure.

"Does it feel good, princess?" Geralt spoke between your legs, his warm breath crashing against your pussy and sending shivers down your spine. 

"Yes! So good... please don't stop." You didn't recognize your own voice as you spoke. It sounded raspy from all the moaning, and there was a hint of desperation you'd never heard in yourself before. It wasn't the first time you had begged someone for something you wanted, but it was the first time you actually meant it.

"I won't, I promise. I'm here to make you feel good." Geralt assured between slow, long licks, focusing his attention on your clit before continuing. "But if you're going to take my cock, I'll need to stretch your tight hole." You tensed again and once more he used his strategy of stroking and kissing your thighs to calm you down. You knew that penetration was an important part of the whole thing and you were ready to face it, but still, the unknown scared you a little. "I'm going to insert a finger inside you, is that all right my sweet? It might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but I promise it will feel great afterwards. But first I have to know that you still want this."

"Yes, Geralt, I want this. I trust you, please." You gave him a shy smile, looking at him with complete admiration. He saw the desire in your eyes, mixed with anticipation and a hint of fear. But you were confident in your decision, so he continued.

"Relax, I'm going to take care of you." He murmured against your skin, his kisses slowly moving closer to your wet cunt. "Just focus on the pleasure."

Geralt's voice echoed in your mind, your body obeying his commands as if he had cast a spell over you that left you with no other choice. You focused on the fire burning inside you, on the skillful way he flicked his tongue against your abused bundle of nerves and on the knot in your stomach that tightened with each passing second. You tried not to tense up as you felt Geralt's finger press against your entrance, biting your lip and taking deep breaths to calm your nerves. His tongue was doing a good job of distracting you, but you could still feel the slightly painful drag of his finger inside you. 

"You're doing so well for me." Geralt complimented you, keeping his finger still inside you to give you time to get used to the new sensation. You couldn't hide how much it pleased you to hear those words, because your walls clenched around his finger, revealing your deepest desires. Geralt grunted against your pussy, fantasizing about how good your tight hole would feel around his cock. 

It took you a moment to get used to the strange sensation of his intrusion. It wasn't painful exactly, mostly uncomfortable since your walls weren't used to stretching like that. But eventually the discomfort faded into pleasure, bringing new sensations as he slowly began to move his finger inside you. 

Your moans became uncontrollable, increasing in volume with each of Geralt's caresses. If you weren't so wrapped up in your own pleasure, you would have worried about the possibility of being overheard by some servant or guard walking down the corridor. You knew it might potentially ruin your reputation, but you couldn't focus on anything other than the way Geralt's long, thick finger stretched you, making you feel full in the most pleasurable way possible. 

"Geralt I-" You tried to speak, but the air caught in your throat as you felt the knot in your stomach becoming incredibly tight, threatening to snap.

"I know, my sweet, I know." Geralt interrupted you as he noticed your trouble forming coherent sentences. He could sense you were getting close to relief in the way your walls tightened around his finger, your juices dripping down your legs and soaking his hand. "Just let yourself go. I've got you."

Geralt added another finger inside you, stretching your walls even further. He was careful, his movements slow and precise as he both prepared you for his cock and brought you closer to the edge. His mouth focused on your clit, his lips closing around your sensitive pearl as his fingers explored your insides, reaching that spongy place deep inside you and rubbing it until your whole body shuddered with your orgasm.

It felt like your insides exploded, the tension that had been building in your core suddenly snapping as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through your body. Your mind went blank, eyes rolling back as Geralt did his best to hold back the violent spasms of your muscles. 

And then your body fell limp on the sheets. You could barely hear the world around you over your racing heartbeat that throbbed in your ears. You knew Geralt was muttering things against your skin as he kissed his way back up, but your mind was too lost in the pleasure to make sense of his words. Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, your body desperate for oxygen as it struggled to regain control.

"There you are!" Geralt gave you a soft smile as you opened your eyes, his face slowly coming into focus on your clouded vision. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine! That was..." you paused, searching for the words to describe it. Although explaining your feelings proved to be more difficult than you expected. You were convinced that there were no words in any language you knew to describe what he had made you feel. So you let out an airy laugh, hiding your face in his neck and spreading small kisses over his skin.

"Do you still want to go through with this?" Geralt asked you, pulling away from you a little so he could look into your eyes. You kissed him back, tasting the sweet flavor of your arousal on his tongue. It was strangely erotic for you to feel your own essence on him, like a mark that, though temporary, showed to whom his lips belonged. It sent a rush of desire and confidence through your body, igniting the fire inside you once more.

The pressure of his cock was nothing like his fingers. While the stretching sensation was not completely foreign to you, Geralt's cock was much longer and thicker than his fingers so it hurt a lot more when he began to push it into you. The mixture of your arousal and his saliva helped his member slide more easily through your walls, but you still couldn't hold back the whine of pain, which vibrated against Geralt's lips. 

"It's all right... you're all right. Just a little more." He crooned as he rested his forehead against yours. His fingers caressed the skin of your hip, giving you comfort as you clung to his shoulders. "You're doing so good for me, my sweet." His voice was soft, but erratic, laced with the clear pleasure that sliding so torturously slow inside your tight walls brought him. 

Geralt remained immobile once he bottomed out, spreading kisses all over your face and neck as he gave you time to adjust to his size. It was the hardest task he had ever had to do in his life. Facing any monster was easier than staying still when your warm, wet walls wrapped around him so well. He was desperate to move, pull out of you almost completely only to slam back in, thrusting his hips against yours as he pinned you against the bed. But it was your first time, so he had to be gentle with you. You weren't ready for that kind of rough loving, so Geralt pushed his dark desires aside and waited for you to give him the signal to move. 

After a while, your moans of discomfort turned into whimpers of protest, not from pain, but from the growing fire inside you that wasn't being tended to. You experimentally moved your hips against Geralt's, just to see what it would feel like. It was a small movement, but it was enough to push his cock deeper inside you, sparking a pleasurable tingling sensation that spread throughout your body. So you did it again, moving with more confidence this time. And again, only this time, Geralt met you halfway, grinding his hips against yours.

Your walls tightened around his cock and the growl that escaped his lips was so deep and primal that it almost pushed you over the edge once more. Something about knowing that you were the cause of those moans, that your body, your pussy, your caresses, were responsible for such reactions was so arousing. Knowing that even though you were inexperienced you were able to elicit such pleasure in him made you feel more comfortable and confident. You were turning his world upside down as much as he was turning yours.

"You look so beautiful like this." Geralt said as he slightly increased the rhythm of his hips. "So small and fragile underneath me, eyes filled with lust as you try your best to take me in your tight hole." 

You moaned into his mouth, desperately searching his lips for something to keep you grounded as pleasure took over your body and mind. Your cunt clenched at his words, finding the mix of softness and roughness in his action incredibly arousing. His hips moved against yours in a consistent and deep, yet slow and sensual rhythm. His calloused fingers roamed over your body, caressing you in such a subtle way that it gave you goosebumps. His filthy words perfectly balanced flattery and roughness, awakening feelings you didn't know you had. It was all a dangerous, overwhelming mix, slowly getting to you close to the edge.

"Does it feel good? Do you like feeling me deep inside you?" You could only moan incoherently in response, hiding your face in the crook of Geralt's neck as your nails dug into his back. "I like it too. You feel so good wrapped around me, my perfect princess."

"Yes, I'm yours! I'm all yours, please..." You begged, for what, you weren't sure. But that didn't really matter, you just wanted Geralt to do whatever he wanted with you. You knew there was no future in your relationship, but this was no time to think about tomorrow. At that moment you were giving yourself body and soul to him, allowing him permission to use and explore your body as he wished.

"Yes you are, but not just for tonight." Geralt moaned in your ear, his voice a deep hoarse whisper. He sucked a mark just below your earlobe, nibbling the sensitive area playfully before continuing to speak. "You will always remember this night and think of me when your future husband takes you to bed on your wedding night. He's not going to compare to me... to how good I'm making you feel. But that's fine, because at least you had a chance to know what it feels like to be adored like you truly deserve, my princess."

"Fuck, Geralt! I'm-" Your warning was interrupted by a moan as you felt him sink his teeth into the sensitive skin of your neck at the same time he pushed his member incredibly deep inside you.

"I know, I can feel you squeezing me so tight. It's alright, just let go for me, my sweet. I want to feel you as you come undone on my cock." 

His hand traveled south, calloused fingers pressing against your abused bundle of nerves, drawing circles over it. The way your pussy clenched around his cock made it hard to focus, his own orgasm approaching with alarming speed. But he kept a steady rhythm, his hips moving in a slow, sensual way to make sure his cock brushed that special place inside you without causing you any pain.

"That's it, keep making those pretty notices for me. You're doing so good for me, my beautiful, perfect, princess. Just let go, I've got you. You're safe with me, just let go."

It was the softness in his husky voice that finally pushed you over the edge, your whole body shaking with the intensity of your orgasm. Geralt's name was the last thing you uttered before the world around you disappeared behind the waves of pleasure. It was a pathetic whimper, a plea for mercy as you felt frightened by the sheer intensity of your orgasm. Geralt was sure he had never heard a more sensual melody. The way you had uttered his name just before the pleasure exploded inside you was something he was never going to forget.

"That's it, my sweet. You did such a good job for me." He complimented you, slowing down the rhythm of his hips to give you time to recover. "You're alright. I'm here, I've got you. Just breathe... that's it." 

Geralt's voice helped you refocus on the real world, his sweet kisses slowly lifting the fog that clouded your mind. You could still feel him inside you, his cock throbbing desperate for relief. The shallow thrusts weren't enough and you needed to feel him falling apart inside you. You needed to know what it felt like to have a man —and especially him— come inside you. And you knew it was safe with him since witchers were incapable of fathering children as a result of their mutations.

"Geralt, please... I want to feel you." You managed to say between gasps, locking your legs around his hips to keep him in place, pressed inside you. He let out a deep growl as he understood the meaning behind your words, his eyes darkening with lust. You were definitely going to be the death of him.

"Of course, my sweet, how could I deny you anything?" He murmurs against your lips, slowly increasing the rhythm of his hips. "You want to feel my seed deep inside you, is that it? You want me to fill you up, leave a part of me inside you so you won't miss me so much when I'm gone?"

His words alone were enough to ignite that flame inside you again. Your body was tired, but still screamed for more. Geralt's thrusts became erratic with each passing second, desperate to reach his own relief. And in the search for his pleasure he was taking you with him to a new limit. 

"I will give it to you, my princess. I will give you all of me. I could never deny you anything, my sweet, beautiful girl."

His sweet words contrasted with the harshness of his movements, hips crashing against yours in desperate thrusts. He was getting closer to his relief and he could feel in the way your cunt clenched around his cock that you were too. His thumb focused on your clit once more, one, two, three strokes accompanied by his thrusts and you were crying his name again. But he didn't get to enjoy much of the way you tightened around him, because he came seconds later, shooting his load deep inside you.

Geralt collapsed on top of you, his body crushing you against the bed as you both tried to catch your breath. But even though he was much bigger than you, it wasn't an uncomfortable position. The weight of his body felt comforting against yours. You liked the way he hid his face in your neck, breathing heavily against your sweaty skin. It gave you the opportunity to stroke his back and run your fingers through his hair. It felt intimate, in a completely different way than the sex you'd just had. 

You whined in protest as he rolled to the side, feeling the mixture of your arousal and his sliding down your legs now that his cock had left you. It was a strange sensation to feel empty without him inside you. You didn't know such a feeling was possible, for you that used to be normal, the only way to feel. But now that you had had Geralt buried deep inside you, that you had felt his seed filling you to the brim, you would always be aware of that strange emptiness between your legs.

"How are you feeling?" you heard him say and you struggled to open your eyes, your eyelids heavy with exhaustion. He was standing at the foot of the bed, a cloth in his hand, and you wondered when he had moved from your side without you noticing.

"Great! That was... great." You mumbled, still unable to find an adequate word to describe how good he had made you feel.

Geralt gave you a small smile before lowering his face to your legs, placing small kisses on your skin as he moved closer and closer to your center. "Open up for me, my princess. I need to clean you." 

You reluctantly complied, feeling much more exposed and vulnerable now that the deed was done. However, he was gentle with you, moving carefully as he cleaned you so as not to irritate your sensitive, abused cunt. And when he was done, he kissed his way down your face, caressing your skin with his lips, culminating his journey in your mouth.

"What about you?" you tried to sound casual as you spoke, though you failed miserably. "Was it... good for you too?" You immediately regretted your choice of words, worrying that you had ruined the moment.

"I thought I had been quite clear if not with my words, with my actions at least." Geralt let out an airy laugh and you followed suit, feeling a little more relieved. 

Then the room fell into silence. It wasn't an awkward or uncomfortable one, but a peaceful one. You got lost in Geralt's eyes, admiring the yellow glow that was much softer now, though just as captivating. The candlelight reflected in them in a special way, highlighting their unique beauty. You could stare at them for hours if it weren't for the tiredness that was slowly beginning to take hold of you. 

You didn't realize you had closed your eyes until you felt Geralt move beside you. You stopped feeling the weight of his body on the bed, so you opened your eyes immediately. Your hand flew to his arm, fingers closing around his wrist. "Please don't go," you begged as you saw that he had sat up in bed. "I want you to stay with me tonight."

Geralt smiled, the corners of his lip curving slightly upward as he reached out with his free arm to grab the blanket that had been left forgotten at the foot of the bed. His eyes lowered to your hand and his expression turned hard as he noticed the ligature marks on your skin. He hated to know the horrible treatment that someone as delicate and beautiful as you had to go through at the hands of those bandits. Even though he had rescued you before something even worse happened to you, as he looked at the marks on your wrists he feared he had not been quick enough.

Noticing the change in his expression, your eyes followed Geralt's gaze with curiosity. You felt embarrassed when you realized what he was looking at with such intensity and released his grip on his arm, seeking to hide your injured wrist. But he didn't let you. Geralt intertwined his fingers with yours and brought your hand to his lips. His eyes didn't break contact with you as he scattered delicate kisses over the irritated area of your wrist, showing you that you had nothing to be ashamed of with him.

"I'm not going anywhere if you don't want me to, my princess. I'm here to serve you tonight." Geralt said as he lay down next to you once again, covering you both with the blanket.

You took advantage of his words and his desire to please you by curling up against him, resting your head on his chest. Geralt wrapped his strong arms around you, pulling you even tighter against his body as he let his fingers trace invisible patterns on your skin. It was extremely relaxing, his gentle touch and the warmth of his body enveloping you was exactly what your tired mind needed to rest. All the fear, the terrifying memories of your attackers and the feeling of danger completely disappeared as he held you in his arms. 

"Good, because I feel safer when I'm in your arms." You mumbled as you closed your eyes, feeling sleep slowly overcome you.

It was hard to say goodbye to Geralt when the time came for him to leave. He had only stayed at the castle for a couple of days at your father's insistence, but that had been more than enough for you to grow fond of him. He was not a very talkative person, but that only made your conversations more interesting. He was intriguing, a closed book that only opened with the pronunciation of the right words. You had fun unraveling some of his history, hearing about his adventures and the monsters he had faced. He was definitely the most interesting man you had ever met - far more interesting and noble than most of the men who were competing for your hand in marriage. And now you had to see him go.

You always knew that your days were numbered, that Geralt would eventually leave and you would have to go back to reality. You thought you could do it, enjoy his company and the illusion of freedom you had created with him and then say goodbye as if nothing happened, but you would be lying if you said you weren't a little sad about his departure. Especially because you didn't know if you would ever see him again. Maybe on your wedding day, if you invited Jaskier to play at the festivities he would bring him as security again. Or perhaps, if the kingdom was haunted by some evil creature he would find his way back to you. But nothing was certain and that made you feel quite sad.

"I guess this is our goodbye." You watched Geralt settle his horse's saddle, tucking away his swords and clutching his bag as he prepared to leave. You tried to hide the grimace of sadness that wanted to form on your face, but the disappointment in your voice betrayed you. "I'll never see you again, will I?"

Geralt stopped what he was doing to look you in the eyes. You could have sworn you saw a glint of sadness in the golden fire of his irises, though it disappeared as he blinked. "It'll probably be a while, yeah." He sighed. "But nothing is set in stone. Maybe the search for a job will bring me back down these roads."

You smiled. Even moments before he left, he was still making an effort to make you feel good. "I'd like that." You took a couple of steps closer to him, taking his hand in yours to feel his skin against yours one last time. "The gates of this castle will always be open to you, Geralt of Rivia. And as long as I am alive, you will always find safe passage through these lands."

"Thank you, your highness. It is an honor." He bowed slightly even though he knew it was not necessary. Formalities had been forgotten between you since your night together. Then, he took your hand and brought it to his mouth. His lips caressed your skin gently, planting a soft kiss of farewell. "Until we meet again."

You held back the urge you had to taste the flavor of his lips one last time, knowing that there were too many eyes around you that would deem such behavior inappropriate. And perhaps they were right, after all, a respectable maiden like you, in search of a husband to marry and rule with, could not be seen kissing anybody. You knew you would probably regret it for the rest of your life —especially if Geralt never stopped by again—, but it was the right thing to do. Your days of freedom were over, now you had to resume your responsibilities as a princess and that meant holding back the urge you had to run after Geralt, get on his horse and let him take you wherever he wanted. So you just watched him leave, seeing how his figure became smaller and smaller on the horizon while you wished with all your soul that fate would cross your path again.

[pearl-tarotist]

₊˚ପ⊹ Chose a pile: PACs that I never ended ༻¨*:·.

In this Pick A Pile, I bring different piles of various tarot readings that I never ended/ write more than one pile each.

It's random piles that focus on various areas, none of them are +18. I hope all of you enjoy it!

Not all those who wander are lost.

PILE 1: What will your future spouse find beautiful about you?

They like how intensely you are you. They are at aw that no matter how many styles and physical changes you go trough, there’s something unchangeable.

They ardently enjoy the look on your eyes, they think that they are always recognisable. Firmly, on the quote “the eyes are the window of the soul”.

They do also enjoy the touch of your hands, they like how soft they feel and how they can engulf your hands with theis. They like how, sometimes naughtily , you trace their skin with the tip of your fingers.

There’s also a freckle, for some, close to the eye or upper lip, that they enjoy kissing.

With the moon card, they enjoy the part of you no one can see, yes, emotionally and physically-wise. Emphasis on the chest zone. Your future spouse is always eager to see you naked. They deeply enjoy seeing you in the “purest” way, naked, with no make-up, no clothes nor masks that can hide who you are.

They are fond of your curves, the softness and the reaction of your skin, they could enjoy hugging you so hard that they leave some redness on you. You are just too cute not to annoy a little bit.

They also see behaviours on you that they find beautiful. You are strong and mature. They will feel safe around you. They could see you and think you are the perfect person to build a family with.

“There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you.” (Steve Maraboli)

(4oP - The Chariot - The Moon - 10oP - King of Shells - Queen of Gems)

PILE 2: Your life as a fairytale

i.-Your “new” self: skills, magic.

  In a fairy-tale you would wake up in the middle of the night to be the underdog.

You would live in a big city, surrounded by commerce and loud noises, probably, a coastal city. Technology has no place in this city and you constantly hear stories of dangerous sea pirates and magicians. You like to watch through your window how people make business and speak to each other… to understand the real self of all of them… to not suffer the fate of being betrayed. Your skin holds a golden tone due to the sunlight and your cheeks are always sun-kissed. You dress with flowy clothes and leather boots.

You walk through people as a ghost, comfortable on seeing and on not being seen and when you found yourself involved in any drama you unroll the drama enough to end in the position that you want.

              In dangerous situations you would be forced to use your cleverness and intelligence to survive the obstacles of your adventure.  You would have to decide what you want and which option to choose even when both options are dangerous and unfavourable. There wouldn’t be time to smell the salty air of the shores nor to pay attention to the sand between your toes. Self-reflections and risking decisions are your thing. “For the skin of your teeth” would define your path and personality.

Surviving, barely, everything.

Your skills would involve: wittiness, the observation of details no one else sees, always being two steps in front of everyone and in general: finding the answers no one could have found. When someone asks for the answer to the riddle, you will be the only one answering.

“ What goes on four legs in the morning, on two legs at noon, and on three legs in the evening?”

When everything’s lost, you save them.

ii.-Your group of friends:

You have lost friends along the way in this fairy-tale. Some adventures ended and you had to return to your normal life and your daily projects. You do not keep contact with them on the regular, but sometimes at night you stay under the moon’s gaze and think of them. To the ones you can see and the one you are not able to reach.

At least two of them are fine and you can see them from time to time. Once you saw him in the market corner, convincing someone to make an unfavourable business, you smiled and thought about how they have not changed.

Then, you saw her, dancing heavily and breathless in the bar with a little child, hair messy and a smile that reached her eyes. Her skirt flowed graciously at the sound of the music and the cracks of the fire. She saw you looking and asked you to dance with her but you were tired, so you just sat down in a chair drinking a soft drink.

To the ones you have lost, you think about them at night, thinking about if you could have saved them if you had done things differently. You know you need to stop this self-pitying, but you are not ready yet to let them go.

iii.-Your lover/companion of life:

Your lover was a breath of fresh air, he was the beginning that you needed to leave all the pain and sadness behind. He is happiness and a reason to drink… to cheer for the Gods that have put both of you together and have made your cups full of love.

He is a warrior, always ready to defend you and to take care of you. Reckless and unafraid, your lover stole your heart without doubts. In the same way he charges for battle, he charged for you… You love the warmness of waking up in his arms and the coldness that leave your body when he hugs you at night. He cleans your cheeks with affections when you get dirty and is not afraid to argue with you if it is for your well-being.

You have found stability and the person you do not need to convince to stay, he has chosen you.

 2 of swords //The moon + 5 of Cups// Ace of cups + knight of wands.

PILE 3: Shufflemancy:romantic messages 

۵♡۵ Let’s forget about the problems, worries and economical issues. I just want to party and enjoy this beautiful night with you. Let’s forget about anything else that’s just not us. (Time of our lives- Pitbull).

۵♡۵ I want to have a date with you at the beach, next to the water, let’s have the perfect summer date. (Water-Brad Paisley)

۵♡۵ I just want you to be mine, but I know we are not together. That’s why I hate when you keep secrets from me. I worry about every guy you set your eyes on. (Secrets-The weekend).

۵♡۵ I am going to try my best to earn your trust as it seems that you have trust issues, but I cannot do it if you give up and start going after every guy you want because you get bored of the routine. I am also getting tired. (Emergency -Paramore).

۵♡۵ If maybe…I stoped chasing you, would you come to me? Would you lay next to me? Just like butterflies… (Chasing cars - Snow Patrol).

۵♡۵ I don’t want to be friends, I want the all or nothing. I don’t know how to make it more obvious to you, please understand. ۵♡۵ I wonder why you let me get to close to you if you were just going to push me back. I do wonder too if all your words and what you said was a lie. (Fingers crossed - Lauren Spencer Smith).

In general there is someone kind of disappointed about the fact that you decided to break up with them or just stop talking to them; this person is definitly still into you but it’s unable to handle all of your trust issues. This person still thinks about you daily.

[lilia-calderus-pet-goat]

Something of note about Lilia's tarot spread is that—it's hers. The cards she pulls aren't precisely who the characters are to themselves, but who they are and what they represent to Lilia. As her coven, in her life.

Like, I don't really know my tarot that well—I'm just pulling themes from within the episode and my general understanding.

But when she was reading for Billy, he was fittingly represented by the Magician. But for Lilia, he was the “windfall.” He was the tower, reversed. Miraculous transformation. Because she, having put the sigil on him, saved him from the destruction and lead to his miraculous transformation. And to her, he was the windfall, because without him, she wouldn't be here, with her coven. She wouldn't have found herself.

Alice's is very straight forward—“full of fire, fights bravely.” It's how Lilia saw her, what Lilia had once again predicted for her. 'Wound suffered, lessons learned.' Specifically, Lilia wasn't able to warn Alice, but she learned her lesson. So, this time, she makes sure to warn Agatha. “When she calls you a coward, hit the deck.”

And why does she warn Agatha? Agatha represents her 'obstacles,' after all. Maybe so—Lilia's literal obstacle at this stage ends up being the Salem Seven, who merely want Agatha. Yet she chooses to stay behind to save a woman who probably wouldn't do the same for her. And the reason is—for her, Agatha is the Three of Swords. She looks at her and sees Heartbreak, (Rio) Sorrow, (Evanora) Grief (Nicholas). And Lilia is willing to forgive her—to sacrifice herself for her—even if the universe itself doesn't think she deserves it. This is different from how Agatha views herself, or even how Billy views her, since he initially pulls out the Chariot. One might say it's a random choice, but the Chariot is described as representing “determination, success, and control.” It's about overcoming challenges and gaining victory through maintaining control of your surroundings—which, I argue, embodies Agatha pretty well. So The Three of Swords is who Agatha is to Lilia. She doesn't hate her, or see her as a force to be reckoned with. She pities her. After all, the Queen of Cups is defined by her empathy.

Then, of course, Jen. Jen is Lilia's path ahead. Not only because she has a brilliant future of her own ahead of her in the mcu, now with her powers unbound. Because Lilia senses all the trapped light and bound power that Jen carries—“The High Priestess: Immense spiritual power, unable or unwilling to use it--” but also because Jen, the survivor, is the one who will carry on Lilia's memory. All those centuries, Lilia had been alone—there was no 'path ahead.' Everything was a jumbled mess, her “path” was non-linear and twisty. And Jen, after centuries of solitude, was her light in the dark, guiding her through the dark tunnels, as her mind wandered through her timeline searching for answers. Jen was the only person in centuries who bothered to see her as something more, to acknowledge her strength, and to help her fill in the gaps as best as she could. And so Lilia sees so much hope in Jennifer—who won't stop becoming better and better. Because for Jen, the Queen of Cups is her path behind. Wound suffered, lessons learned. “I couldn't save Lilia, I didn't even try to save Alice, I'll be damned if I let you two idiots die.”

Finally, Death, Rio. Well—it's obvious. In tarot, death isn't literal. It's mist often symbolic. Transformation, end of a cycle, new beginnings. Which is why we never see Lilia's corpse, and we never see Rio collect her. Because unlike Alice, Lilia went into the afterlife willingly. And for her, it was a beautiful release. After years of running out of time—she got to start anew—knowing that this time, she managed to save her coven. (I'd also like to think that the reason we don't see Rio collect Sharon is because it was a peaceful death—joining Mr. Davis instead of suffering further. Whereas Alice finally had something to live for, but I digress. I've already made my posts about Alice.)

I think that this is all relatively obvious—but I genuinely can't stop thinking about Lilia and her dynamics with the rest of the coven.

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

Thoughts on the Seraphim, assuming you have any?

one thing i think is quite interesting in egghead, which hasn't necessarily been highlighted prominently by the narrative but which underlies the whole arc, is the similar treatment of the various artificial humans created by vegapunk: the satellites, the seraphim, stussy, and, to a certain extent, kuma.

i think one of the points of egghead is that it's both inhumane and impossible to try and create a person with no individuality or free will. like, it's immoral, but it also just doesn't work. you can't create a person just to serve your own needs and have them not have any personality or identity of their own; it's antithetical to human nature. one piece consistently says that all things strive, and all things dream, and all things want to be free, and that's why vegapunk's creations keep becoming real people in ways that he didn't intend or foresee.

all of the artificial humans in this arc have some degree of identity and individual thought, even those who were specifically designed to be perfectly obedient. we see this when vegapunk is shocked to hear that s-snake is capable of defying orders to help luffy, and when kuma comes to save bonney despite every fact of science saying that he should be brain-dead.

york's betrayal is also consistent with this. vegapunk didn't see it coming, because he created and viewed the satellites as extensions of himself, but they aren't! they're sentient people with, at least, the potential to develop their own dreams and motivations and goals that don't necessarily align with his. that's what being human is.

in that sense, the fact that vegapunk's downfall is brought about by york's self-actualization is quite karmic. her actions are evil and extreme and cause massive collateral damage, of course, but i honestly think they're also pretty understandable when you consider her as a person who was created to only be an extra limb of someone else, trying to define herself. how else was she ever supposed to be free?

this theme is, i think, particularly embodied in stussy, who is clearly undergoing something of an identity crisis. she's caught between loyalty to the purpose she was seemingly created for and loyalty to the identity and relationships she's developed for herself while living out in the world as her own person; she betrays the latter for the former, which is something that clearly pains her greatly, and then loses the former anyways, leaving her with nothing.

the situation that stussy is put in is really very cruel, and honestly, egghead is a fundamentally inhumane place. it's full of people who are expected to not be people. it's frankly no wonder one of them eventually freaked out and turned evil.

vegapunk pressuring sentoumaru into betraying the world government for him is played for comedy, and it's basically implied sentoumaru would've done that anyways, but at the same time it's rather telling of the way vegapunk tends to treat his subordinates and creations: like their own thoughts and feelings, if they have any, don't really matter. vegapunk doesn't ever intend to be cruel, i don't think, but he's certainly thoughtless and inconsiderate, and when you're dealing with human life that can be just as damaging.

this all brings us back to the seraphim. they're weapons of war, yes, but they're also children who had no say in their own creation, and who clearly have at least somewhat more individuality than vegapunk intended them to have (as we see definitively with s-snake). they're effectively slaves of the world government, currently. even when you look at how they were created, they're products of experimentation on a captive child (king), and two of them, s-snake and s-bear, are cloned from former child slaves themselves.

one piece is a story about freedom. i think one way or another, thematically, the seraphim will have to end up free. i can't predict when or how that'll happen, but everything about egghead and the series as a whole indicates that the desire of living things to be free and dream is irrepressible.

[1moreff-creator]

Is there some type of masterpost for all the crazy hidden stuff for Despair Time? like the hidden quotes, the Mai stuff, a comprehensive guide to LGI?

Well, there’s been a few really useful posts over the years. There’s the Secret Quotes, “All you have to do…” Page, Mai Quotes, About Page Text masterpost by despairing-disaster, which I must have visited 15000 times; accirax’s episode guide is a great resource even if it’s not exactly what you asked for; and at the risk of sounding a bit arrogant, I think my Mai post and my full LGI analysis video “A Full Vivisection of the David MV” are good for their respective subject, though they're more analysis than "masterpost". But, for the purposes of having it all in one place, here’s my

DRDT SECRETS MASTERPOST

Spoilers up to and including CH2 EP16

-About Page Text

The source code of DRDT's About Page holds (or held at some point?) the following text:

“You don’t understand, do you? I used to be like you. I barely remember, but I used to be like you. I cared so much about people, I cried everytime someone was hurt. I suffered for a long time stuck in here caring about people." "I know what you’re going through. You’re going to hold on as long as you have, with hope that you can make it out of here with everyone. Then you’re going to despair. That lasts a while, too." Then you’ll get bored. Like me. And you’ll wish you were still suffering. Anything else is better than boredom. "I wish I could feel something, anything else, other than being bored. I’m stuck in here for eternity, and I know everything that could possibly happen. I know how everyone reacts to a murder, what makes people turn to despair, what fills people with hope and make them survive until we all run out of food and starve to death." "I wish I could feel terrified, or afraid, or angry. But I can’t anymore. I don’t feel anything at all except boredom." Do you understand, Teacher? "This is why I’m letting you suffer as long as possible. Because it’s better than the alternative." I’m sorry. I don’t envy you. You’ll understand eventually.

(Note: The quotations marks are placed exactly as they are in the code, but the importance of this is debatable)

-Secret Quotes

Quotes hidden in the source code of each character’s personal page. Ordered here by the order in the cast list.

Teruko: It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all. Xander: survivor guilt(n): feelings of guilt for having survived a catastrophe in which others died. Charles: If you forgot it, then it probably wasn’t important to begin with. None of those memories should ever be kept, anyway. Ace: I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Arei: Because that’s what friends do. Rose: In the end, the only thing I can do is watch my wretched life go on. Hu: I want to pay for what I’ve done. But even then, I still want to live. Eden: You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try. Levi: I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness. Arturo: You hated them, but even that doesn’t justify what you did. Min: I wanted to save you. David: I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wish you could just die. Veronika: Once something is broken, it can never be pieced together in quite the same way again. The same goes for people. J: Please don’t call me your daughter ever again. Whit: We tend to idolize the dead. Nico: Why should I own up for the mistakes that someone else made? MonoTV: Her name is Mai Akasaki.

-"All you have to do..." Page

By using MonoTV's quote to get the name, typing in https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/maiakasaki into search shows a page with this text:

“All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I’ll give it to you. Ask for my life, and I’ll give it to you as well. Don’t apologize for asking. I’ll give you my forgiveness too.”

(Bolded text highlighted for reading comfort)

Source code hides the following text:

“Are you still searching for a secret? For some explanation that will satisfy you? There’s no answer I can give you that will make you happy. Maybe I should have lied instead. I’m sorry.”

The bolded letters in this page gives you the code AOAVIEPKRO, which when typed in the same way as Mai's name (https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/AOAVIEPKRO) gives you the linked Mai Akasaki character page (you can also just Google it nowadays).

-Mai Quotes

Entering the Mai page displays, at random, one of the following quotes. The source code gives them an order and relates them to a specific character. Ordered here in the same way the code does it.

Teruko: Some years ago, she was searching for someone named 'Teruko Tawaki.' Charles: A girl who loves her family. Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others. Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone. Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm. Whit: A girl with many friends. Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up. J: She kept it a secret, and told no one. Hu: A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe. Nico: Everyone confided in her. Ace: A girl who had a bright future. Arei: She doesn't like it when her friends fight. Min: An average girl with nothing special at all about her. Xander: She couldn't stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn't foresee the consequences. David: She forgives everyone. MonoTV: It's all your fault.

-Second Anniversary Secret Code

There are two columns, one with letters, a dot, apostrophes and spaces, across from the other, with numbers. By rearranging the "rows" in order (1-2-3...), you get "It's all your fault." (Dot included).

-Character Playlist

At one point, dev uploaded a playlist of sixteen songs, where each one was meant to be connected to one of the characters in some way. The playlist has been privated/deleted, so here’s a recreation made by venus-is-thinking. Below are listed the songs in the order they show up in the playlist, although it’s unclear if the order means anything or they’re completely randomized. I find the latter more likely btw.

-Diamond is Unbreakable from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure OST -Sing Along by Sturgill Simpson -RUNAWAY by half•alive -cartoons by Louie Zong -asymptotic by Louie Zong, Unofficial Extended Edit by Axolotl Dreams -アイアルの勘違い (A Mistaken Belief of Love) by Niru Kajitsu, cover by yama -春嵐 (Shunran) by John -イヱスマン (Yesman) by NILFRUITS, covered by Noristry and カケリネ (Kakerine) -アンデッドエネミー (Undead Enemy) by Suzumu and Giga-P, covered by 松下 (Matsushita) -Drawing Pins by Nothing but Thieves -ハイファイ進化論 (Hi-fi Evolution Theory) by 稀雨 ("Rare Rain") and ふぁるすてぃ (Farusti) -tip toes by half•alive -ポリゴナル (Polygonal) by ふぁるすてぃ (Farusti) -Spitfire (05 Version) by The Prodigy -desk rotation by HALLEY LABS -Good Grief by Bastille

******

Literature Girl Insane

Naturally this gets a whole section for itself. That said, I will ask that you watch Vivisection (linked above) for every visual detail, piece of text, color connection theory, language theory... basically everything that wouldn't be considered a puzzle or a code in some way.

-Footnotes

Numbers which appear attached to certain parts of text, which are referenced in the video's description to give them extra meaning. Refer to this post for images of all the footnotes, as well as a first impression analysis.

[Footnote Number] Description Text -> Text it's attached to in the video. [Time of appearance and link] {Notes}

[1] In this situation, it is better to use full names over nicknames. Exclude our protagonist—he is not “that person.” -> Now [1:22] {Crosswords puzzle}

[2] Other examples include Drosophila melanogaster and E. coli. -> an albino mouse, arabidopsis. [3:02]

[3] From Title 17 of the United States Code. -> A “derivative work” is a work based upon one or more preexisting works, such as a translation, musical arrangement, dramatization, fictionalization, motion picture version, sound recording, art reproduction, abridgment, condensation, or any other form in which a work may be recast, transformed, or adapted. A work consisting of editorial revisions, annotations, elaborations, or other modifications which, as a whole, represent an original work of authorship, is a “derivative work”. [2:18] {Tumblr why did you remove yellow you're fucking up my color scheme}

[4] The practice of avoiding the number four; it is most common in East Asia. This superstition arises from the fact that the number four can be read similar to the word “death” in multiple languages. -> subtract 4, due to tetraphobia [1:46]

[5] As the translation has been intentionally botched in many parts, it should not be considered accurate. -> (translation needed) [3:10] {The text is "(translation needed)", not that I need a tanslation :v}

[6] (Prayer) -> 🙏 [2:02] {Extremely small and almost invisible, bottom right of the hands}

[7] Seven is considered an auspicious number in many Western cultures. Let's just skip it. -> Mind [2:41]

[8] ‘Tut, tut, child!’ said the Duchess. ‘Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.’ -/> N/A. This footnote cannot be found, as it is not in the video. [N/A]

[9] no respect for the classics smh -> So sing a degraded copy [2:07]

[10] The Roman numeral for 10 is X -> X [2:00] {Very small, top right of X}

[11] I admit to lying. There is no one named ••••• •••••. I am, and always have been, an only child -> suspicious gaps [1:32] {Still no idea what the hell is going on here}

[12] “Majority rule” is known to be the fairest method of making decisions for a group. That’s why murderers never complained when we voted for them to die -> Tallying votes… [2:02]

[13] 正 -> correct [2:40] {Refer to "Tally 5" for further information}

[14] Hint: word length of 256 -> = [3:52] {Refer to "Footnote 14 Puzzle" for further information}

[15] “Ignorance is bliss” is an idiom used to say that it is better to remain ignorant about certain harsh truths, in order to avoid causing oneself stress. The expression comes from a 1742 Thomas Gray poem (“Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College"): “Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.” -> Remaining ignorant, isn't that "happiness"? [1:47] {Again excuse the lack of yellow}

[16] While it was originally intended to serve as a military march, today it is most commonly recognized for its association with circuses and tomfoolery. -> [sheet of music] [2:49] {The song referenced is "Entry of the Gladiators," so it's presumed that's what the sheet shows. I couldn't find an exact match, but online sheets look similar enough}

[17] Not a real word. Can't be found in any dictionary. -> Democratic-ly [2:00]

[18] A/N: soz not very good at drawing flowers lol!!! -> dandelions (weed) [3:04]

[19] A dialogue between two individuals that serves as a discussion of moral and philosophical issues. -> Will you forget what you've done, I wonder? [3:42]

[20] It is considered by many to be outdated, providing little-to-no insight on human nature. -> The Kübler-Ross model postulates that those who experience grief go through a s[] of five consecutive stages: [1:53]

[21] Deriving from the Latin phrase “Et cetera” : meaning “and other (similar) things”, “and so forth”, or “and the rest (of such things)” : abbreviated to etc., etc, et cet., &c. or &c -> etc. [3:48]

[22] The rest is silence. -> [4:21] {This footnote shows up on its own on a black screen, that's why there's no associated text}

-Roman Numerals

The crosswords attached to footnote 1 can be completed in the following way, attaching each character (minus David plus Mai) to a numeral.

Below are all the numerals, listed in numerical order. Refer to this post for images.

[Numeral] [Character] Text it's attached to *Background text* *Other background text* [Time stamp and link] {Notes}

[I] [Xander] (the world of abnormal sentiment dances) *I have always looked up to you* [3:50] {Refer to "Footnote 14 Puzzle" for further information}

[II] [Rose] Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum [1:34] {Translation: I think therefore I am (disturbed)}

[III] [Charles] If you doubt brittle things are broken *And now here’s my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye* [1:37]

[IV] [Arei] Right now, why do you cry? [1:39]

[V] [Ace] Right now, why you go insane? *A cat has 9 additional lives* *I am but mad north-northwest. When the wind is  southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw.* [1:42]

[VI] [Arturo] mind exercises 1 2 3 4 [2:41]

[VII] [J] Do it like that, let’s live together! *The Moral La[w] causes the people to be in com[plete accord] with their ruler, so that they wi[ll f]ollo[w] [him] regard[less of] their lives, undis[mayed] by any danger* [2:10]

[VIII] [Nico] even if i try to think, idk!!! [2:44]

[IX] [Levi] look, aside from that, give me the usual medicine *[Extract from a scientific paper on Shoemaker-Levy 9]* [2:46]

[X] [Min] Democratic-ly *In the case of a murder, all survivors must participate in a class trial. During this trial, everyone must discuss and vote for one of the remaining participants as the "blackened" murderer* *👈👈* *👉👉* *🙏* [2:00]

[XI] [Mai] God is dead [1:48]

[XII] [Eden] ???: But you're in my way, aren't you? [2:28]

[XIII] [Teruko] or *Only the eyes belied this assumption. They were small, deep set and crafty. Not only that. As the man, making some remark to his young companion, glanced across the room, his gaze stopped on Poirot for a moment, and just for that second there was a strange malevolence, and unnatural tensity in the glance* *Those are the terms. To exchange all the goodness and grace of every life in Omelas for that single, small improvement: to throw away the happiness of thousands for the chance of happiness of one: that would be to let guilt within the walls indeed.* [1:55]

[XIV] [Veronika] Things like substance of the arts *subtract 4, due to tetraphobia* [1:44]

[XV] [Whit] Remaining ignorant, isn't that "happiness"? *subtract 4, due to tetraphobia* [1:46]

[XVI] [Hu] ???: Go and cry. [2:27]

Windings

At 0:35, windings text flashes on screen. It's the beginning of Never Gonna Give you Up by Rick Astley. Yep.

-"What is the most important thing?"

To this day the best answer we have to this is replacing each question mark with the corresponding letter of "RESOLVE." If you find something else, please tell me.

-Bullet-Finding

The MV tells us to find six bullets, but if you look at the top left book, it says "(hint: no you can't)" Here are the five bullets which can be found.

-Morse Code

At the end of LGI, the following Morse code flashes on screen.

-.-- --- ..- / … - .. .-.. .-.. / -… . .-.. .. . …- . -.. / .. -. / -- . / -.. . … .--. .. - . / . …- . .-. -.-- - …. .. -. --. / .. .----. …- . / -.. --- -. . .-.-.-

-… ..- - / - …. .- - .----. … / .--- ..- … - / ..-. .- -. - .- … -.-- --..-- / .. … -. .----. - / .. - ..--..

.. / … .. -- .--. .-.. -.-- / -.-. …. --- … . / - --- / -… . .-.. .. . …- . / - …. .- - / -.-- --- ..- / -.. .. -.. .-.-.-

.- ..-. - . .-. / .- .-.. .-.. --..-- / .. .----. -- / .. -. -.-. .- .--. .- -… .-.. . / --- ..-. / -… . .. -. --. / … --- -- . --- -. . / .-- .. - …. --- ..- - / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.-

Which translates to:

YOU STILL BELIEVED IN ME DESPITE EVERYTHING I’VE DONE.

BUT THAT’S JUST FANTASY, ISN’T IT?

I SIMPLY CHOSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DID.

AFTER ALL, I’M INCAPABLE OF BEING SOMEONE WITHOUT YOU.

-Footnote 14 Puzzle

(Solved by y-prime) (Apologies if I get any of the technicalities wrong, I'm not good with codes)

After Numeral I flashes on screen, you get a bunch of numbers, followed by an ampersand (&), more numbers, an equal symbol (=) attached to footnote 14, and a bunch of question marks. Footnote 14 is "Hint: word length of 256," and 256 is 2^8, which is 8 bits in binary. This tells us we need to get a binary code using the bitwise AND (&). If you're uninformed, I was too, but basically, & first transforms decimal numbers into 5 digit binary, giving the next values:

14631484268173741020143036451175923368636278930404923743082436772069705217326 -> 10000001011001001000000110101001101001011101100110010110101000111100010110110001110111011000010111100111110011001000001110110011101111011011110110101101100101011101000010100001110101011101000010000101111100111011110011000011111001111111110111010100101110

43607886503718811525798764321686495628071353085956330717581498375291444100526 -> 110000001101001001100000110100001100001011101110110010100100000011010010110110001111111011000010111100101110011011100100110110101101111011011110110101101110101011001110010000101111101011100000010100001110100011011110110000001111001011011110111110110101110

Note: The second value is actually 255 digits long in binary, the first is 254 (don't- do not ask me how this happens, it's what the decoder gave me). Arbitrarily, you have to delete the first 1 from the second value.

Then, & compares each number in the binary, and returns 0 if at least one of the values is 0, or 1 if both values are 1. This gives you:

10000001001001001000000110100001100001011101100110010100100000011000010110110001110111011000010111100101110011001000000110110001101111011011110110101101100101011001000010000001110101011100000010000001110100011011110010000001111001011011110111010100101110

Which is 254 characters, you need 256. Arbitrarily, add two 0s at the beginning of that final code. When converted from 8 digit binary to text, you get "I have always looked up to you."

(I hope you appreciate the detailed explanation it took me hours to figure out what y-prime did they're so much better at this than me T_T)

-Tally 5

(Originally solved, to my knowledge, by anderscim)

Although originally we weren't meant to share the solution, I think over a full year after the video, with Part 2 fully out, the embargo is surely over by now.

On the books in LGI, there is a QR code which takes you to https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/tally5. This page has only a text box where you can input text, and a title asking "Was I correct?"

The "Was I correct?" connects this to the "correct/incorrect" scene attached to footnote 13, which itself is 正, a Chinese symbol which can mean "just" or "correct." Additionally, this is a way that people in eastern countries tally up sets of five, the way you might see someone use something like 卌, which connects it to the infamous "tally5" URL.

Transcribe the text, and separate it in sets of up to five characters (hence the whole "tally 5" thing), and ignore line breaks (the end of line two has four at the end, completed by the d in row three. I more or less followed the line breaks for visual clarity). Pick the first number of each set, as highlighted below.

3aqxw 97pkt c8uki 458fb dpfoa cllex 2f07b f8mg2 4b4mp fx2a(d) c6v3f 5yhxj d8i7s f1l31 2zaj5  1azet 47jod 5jcze c5mvb 6bz2o 59r14 3sf2p e916s czen7 emvbl 55ehe 9iqb2 708tt 83482 c8tw3 c77gn 47ojc a634g bcfz0 0l6s6 47wwl akcn4 6bre1 e0eam 9

Provided you've done everything correctly, you should get39c4dc2f4fc5df2145c653ece5978cc4ab04a6e9. Put that in the "Was I correct?" text box and you get the following image (you will most likely only see the top part, but copying the image and pasting it elsewhere shows the text at the bottom as well):

I became a villain in pursuit of your dream.

I threw away my humanity for an ideal I couldn't understand.

But I don't regret it. To "regret" is to imply that I could have done anything else.

I never told you, but the truth is, I wasn't capable of ever becoming human in the first place.

So in the end, you are always-

****

-Notable Visual Details

This part is mostly subjective. If you feel something shouldn't be here or I missed something, it's because these are just the details I personally consider noteworthy, or I forgot to add something (I'm open to suggestions here). Also I'm ignoring LGI in this section otherwise I would need 15000 screenshots.

+Fork Fun

(From left to right: Pre-prologue scene of bloody hands, Xander's eye wound from the Trial 1 investigation, Eden CG from CH2 Ep13. The first shows a bloody fork on the table, Xander's eye wound is consistent with a slash of a fork, and Eden's hand is bloody, holding a fork)

+Teruko's Mystery Voter

(Voting results in each trial so far. Teruko received two votes in T1, and one in T2)

+Camellias (Unnamed Classmate and Mai connection)

(Left: Mai profile, her tattoo. Right: Bonus episode 2. Same flowers)

+Matching tattoo? (Teruko and Mai)

(Left: CH2 EP2 Teruko changing, a small black line can be seen on her left arm, similar to the stems of the flowers of Mai's tattoo. Right: Jacket off reference, a question mark is shown besides Teruko's left arm)

+Matching phone charms (Teruko and Mai)

(Left: Teruko's Monopad, CH2 Ep1. Right: Unnamed Classmate's phone, from Bonus Episode 1)

+Drawing on Teruko's Floor

(A drawing which appears on the floor of Teruko's room in CH2 EP3, and disappears in CH2 EP7)

+Whit's Hand Behind the Back.

(After the cast learns the elevator won't open after Levi gets shot, Whit pulls out his unhinged sprite, where he has his hand behind his back. Personally I don't find this important, but I'll feel stupid if it is and I didn't add it, so)

+Thanatophobia: Names on the graves.

(From left to right: "Elliot Cuevas", "Felicity Giles", "Taylor Riley." I promise it's easier to see when Tumblr doesn't compress the images. This is the main series way we get the names of Charles' brother, Arturo's sister, and Ace's old friend)

+(AltDRDT) Teacher's ID Card

(Transcript: "This ID card is the property of Hope’s Peak Academy. Use of this ID card by any person other than the rightful holder is prohibited. Report lost or stolen ID cards by contacted 555-483-7367.")

+(AltDRDT) XF and Min's matching pin.

(Yep, matching tie pin. Btw, Min doesn't have it in her Bonus Episode or the Sleepy MV. Did she only get this at the start of the killing game?)

-Potentially Important Posts

Nothing "secret," per say, but a compilation of some of the posts the dev has made which I consider to contain important information.

-CH1 QnA.

-Bonus Episode QnA.

-2 Year Anniversary (Already mentioned).

-Jacket off Reference (Already mentioned).

-CH2 PT1 QnA. Note: Certain answers were deleted. Here's a reblog with some of them, and below is a screenshot of a particularly interesting answer which was not saved by any reblog.

-Teruko's Brother Back Reveal (4 year anniversary).

---

That's everything I currently remember for now. If you feel I missed anything, feel free to tell me about it! I'll try to edit this post to remain up-to-date with all the insane stuff in this series.

Anyways, hope that's enough for the ask! Thanks for giving me an excuse to make this!

[thesensteawitch]

IF YOU WERE A MUSE TO A POET 🍁💌

~This Is What They Would Tell You!

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left To Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, Senstea Souls!💖

I hope you're doing well. Here's a collective reading about what a poet would tell you if you were their muse! ✨

TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND PICK YOUR PILE INTUITIVELY.

In case you would like to BOOK A READING with me then I am sharing the links below for the same.

BOOKING FORM 💌

RATE CARD $$$

You can also DM me in case of any query.🫶🏻

***

Pile 1

You have so many sides to you, and yet you hold space for more. I am directionless. Where should I lead this poem about you? Or where are you leading me? There’s so much to you that I want to express, but I fear I’ll end up looking like a fool. You’re like the universe—mesmerizing, intriguing, and frightening, with layers and layers of mysteries. You are divine to me. Being a poet feels like a boon when I look at you. Only fated souls get to write about someone so infinitely charming. I sense the never-ending wisdom you hold. I’d forever be your devotee if you’d let me drink just one drop of what keeps you glowing like you do. You’re sharp, kind, wild, and a dream that only slips away. Where are you looking? What inspiration do you need? Come on! You walk to your own rhythm, your shadows delightfully dancing to your beat. The sound of your steps tells me stories of places you’ve been and people you’ve met. You hold no regret, no grudge—only lessons. You think, reflect, and cry for being mistreated. But when it’s your turn, you choose to destroy the weapons that bruised you so deeply, instead of hurting others with them. The venom couldn’t kill you but made you wise. Following your footprints, I find the earth swallowing the shed skin of your old self. How can I define you when you’re constantly transforming? Every time I think I have finally known you, I find something new revealed. My hands fall short of holding your grace, my mind loses the words to portray it. As I said, you’re sharp—you’ll never let me read you. You take me to the end only to throw me into a new beginning. It’s not your fault; I understand that’s who you truly are. Sometimes, while falling asleep, I wonder who would be so lucky to fall in love with you? Or who would you fall in love with? But then again, I don’t feel you’re deprived of love, because YOU ARE love. I look at you the way others look at stars. Everyone attempts to count them at least once in their lifetime but eventually gives up, knowing it’s an attempt they will fail. But I am not tired; I am taking a break. I would like to admire you for now, knowing that maybe I too will never fully know you, but I’ll keep exploring who you are, just like scientists cannot give up on SPACE! Ah! See, I cracked something! Your lover must be someone like you—infinitely charming and holding mysteries as vast.

***

Pile 2

You know what? I am mad at you! Because either you attack or you run away. See? You just revolted back. Or perhaps hid in your closet, knowing that someone knows your little secret. You’re that 22° in astrology. Kill or be killed? You’re neither a prey nor do you need to triumph over someone or something else to keep yourself safe. All I am trying to say is that you’re not meant to just survive; you’re meant to thrive. But hey, I do see your heart. The life around it has withered, and you’re surviving on memories. For how long, may I ask? You’re not a coward; you’re afraid. I heard someone say, “The one who is capable of love is capable of being saved.” At this point, all the love is leaking from the corners of your heart. Make the best use of it, or it’ll go to waste. Life isn’t at the extremes; it’s in the middle. That’s where you find your balance. That’s where you will shine bright. I see you singing to yourself, making stories in your heart but never writing them down for the world to taste. You don’t need to say ‘NO’ to something you want. Openly say what you want and to the person who can give it to you. Don’t keep whispering your wishes into the ears of God. He’s even giving you a side-eye now, haha. You’re the leader! If you don’t take the lead, you’ll never have your pack. Do you get it? Why am I even writing about you? It seems to me that you’re an artist too. You know the depths of your pain better than I do. Gosh, you need a hug! Whoever you’ve lost in this physical world doesn’t like to see those tears rolling down your cheeks. Every time you try to make sense of your emotions, you only make your heart heavier. Love keeps dripping and draining into the river of unexpressed emotions. You’re about to be granted a new life, a restart. But this won’t be handed to you until you decide and do what you’re supposed to do. The pain demands to be felt and yada yada yada! We’ve all watched *The Fault in Our Stars*. But come on, there’s an expiry date to feeling it too. I told you, you’re an extreme case. Pain won’t leave you until you leave it. YOU DESERVE THE WORLD. And I know you don’t believe it, but from where I am seeing, all your wishes are about to come true. You’re just ONE decision away. And I am here watching and waiting for you to make that move. Go where your heart is; that’s where you’re supposed to be. Don’t run away from your destiny. Remember, you’re not the same kid who froze at the point of a horrifying sight and couldn’t do anything about it. You’re grown up now. You can HEAL yourself. You’re not hopeless or helpless. You don’t even need to find your potential; it’s just there, waiting for you to see it and accept it.

***

Pile 3

Excuse me, miss/mister? Do you even have time to read what I have to say? You’re too busy figuring things out. Huff! The amount of mental and physical work you do is commendable. Are you waiting for something or someone? I am not surprised to see your spiritual side. What side, huh? You’re SPIRITUAL—IN & OUT! You’re wise, extremely intuitive, and resourceful but haven’t learned how to avoid burnouts. Can something ever be hidden from you? From where I see, it seems you’re new here but not naive. You’ve completed a tough journey filled with passion, rage, excitement, and burnouts (again!). Life has been preparing you for something bigger than your destiny! You’re heavily protected from the forces that don’t want you to be where God is taking you. But we all know who’s more powerful, don’t we? I see you bumping into your past sometimes, but you quickly realize that’s not where you’re supposed to be. The price you would have to pay to return to the same place or people is quite heavy. You don’t feel comfortable in the old stories anymore. You’re grateful but not greedy to go back. I laugh at those who think they can lure you with temptations! Lol! You are ten steps ahead of them. Stay where you are. All this silence around you is a blessing. You’re about to win. You’re meant to win in this lifetime. This is not your first time around. I have seen you somewhere—not here, but in a different lifetime. You’ve lived all those lives to WIN in this one! The smoke of your burned karmas surrounds you. You’ve cleansed! You’re not in the dark; you’re rising from the ashes. I see the wings of a phoenix on your back. YOU’RE THE CREATOR OF YOUR OWN DESTINY. Evidence of your faith and intuition follows you in the forms of birds, butterflies, feathers, and angel numbers. One day, you may share your story, but you know that day is not today. God, you’re mysterious, and all those stories are tattooed on your skin in a language no one can decipher. Your presence is enough for people to turn around, pause, and reflect. You raise the temperature of the room and melt the ice away. People open up to you naturally. Everyone just wants to experience a drop of you. But you’re not easily accessible. Your magic is sacred and can’t be put on sale. You’re magic. The path you’ve walked on shines so bright. That’s how I trace your past life because you leave glitters behind.

[abrunettefangirlnerd]

Overwhelmed

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Prompt: Reader has bouncing between so many things in her life that is leaving her chronically exhausted. It hasn’t been too much of a problem until one afternoon. The only one that seems to notice is JJ.

Warnings: Near death experience

The blinding sun crinkles your eyes as you drive your way to the Chateau. Sweat beats down your entire body from the day working with your father. He is a construction worker with his own company, and you work with him during the summer for some spending money. Even though he is your father, he still has you doing all the same heavy lifting as anyone else that works for him.

Normally every summer has been fine. You also work at a local gym on Figure 8 almost every day for a few hours. You’d work with your dad in the morning, work at the gym in the afternoon, and hangout or relax with your friends in the evening. 

Though for some reason this summer your dad thinks any free time you have will be with him, unless you’re sleeping of course. You’ve had talks with him, and he always seems to be on the same page. That is until he starts telling you all that he needs help with and how you are going to come and help before and after the gym all week.

Luckily today ended up being a day he didn’t have much for you to do. Instead of wasting another second you made a beeline for your friends before he could change his mind. You love your dad, and the extra cash, but trying to keep up with work and maintaining your social life leaves very little room to just breathe. 

Though you find yourself struggling to try. From the constant buzz of life that has become almost normal, you find yourself getting anxious anytime you are just laying around. Even if you are with your friends. Anytime you aren’t on the boat or helping with the newest endeavor of finding the gold, you feel like you should be doing something.

“Hey it’s my girl!” JJ shouts from the couch on the porch. Beer in hand.

“Hey babe.” You say with a smile after greeting him with a kiss. “Did you guys catch anything on the boat?”

“Not much but we did manage to save some leftovers for you,” your best friend John B offers. “It’s only been sitting out a few minutes.”

Feeling your stomach rumble, you assure him that you are hungry enough to eat it raw. Walking into the kitchen you let your smile faulter. You allow the wandering exhaustion to settle over you for a moment. Holding back the exhaustion is exhausting enough.

You feel the nice warm water wash your hands of drywall dust, paint, and sweat. Heading over to the counter you find your plate and grab a fork before rejoining the boys. Kie apparently has to work tonight since she was out all day with the boys. Though she promised to come back over after her shift at The Wreck.

You take the empty seat next to JJ, and as you do an involuntary sigh escapes your lips. As you dig into your dinner you hope that the guys haven’t noticed. If they ask you if everything is okay, you’re afraid some tears of frustration and tiredness would break through. Instead you focus your attention on the food in front of you and the latest pointless debate between the boys. Before you know it, every last bite on the plate is gone.

“Hey lets go back out on the HSM Pogue!” John B excitedly gets up. “Sun is setting, nice night dip.”

Everyone excitedly agrees and you head into the spare bedroom to slip into your swimsuit. As you pull up your straps, completing your ensemble, there is a knock on the door. Without asking who it is, you tell them to come in. Only one person would want to come in and that is JJ. It is basically his room after all.

Closing the door behind him, JJ takes in the sight of you. The newly defined muscles on your arms and legs from the work with your dad. You can’t complain about the benefit of the job. Though when his eyes meet yours all you can see is concern.

“If you’d rather stay in and relax I’ll stay with you.” JJ offers you. An overwhelming sweep of adoration floods through your senses, but next comes the wave of anxiety. No, I can’t do nothing.

“It’s okay, we can go on the boat.” Your voice upbeat and convincing of the energy you do not contain. “I’m fine.”

Even as the last two words leave your lips, tears form behind your eyes. Thankfully the room is dark, no power on the Cut from the hurricane. Unconvinced, JJ nods and heads back out with the other two. You take two deep breathes as you clear your eyes and slow your now racing heart. With a quick nod at yourself in the mirror, you make your way out to the HSM Pogue.

The sound of the waves hitting against the boat is almost enough to pull you to sleep. That and the warmth of JJ’s arm around your waist. Leaning into him you find your eyes fluttering shut every few minutes. If this wasn’t the first time you’d physically seen everybody in days, you would have just stayed at the Chateau with JJ.

Situating yourself, you lean toward the cooler for a cold beer. Even though you know alcohol is a narcotic it just gives you something to do than think about how tired you are. From the corner of your eye you see JJ analyzing you. Aside from a beer here and there, you aren’t much of a drinker. It isn’t until you send him a smile that he drops his watchful gaze and smiles back.

“This looks like a good spot.” John B insists as he slows the boat to a stop and throws the anchor over.

The four of you jump into the cool water. The sudden alertness gifted by the water sends you through the break into the sky. Though as your body adjusts to its temperature the feeling of exhaustion returns.

JJ wraps his arms around you and peppers your face with kisses. Squealing, you try to pry him away from you but your efforts are futile. Taking your frame in his, JJ manages to throw you a few feet in the direction of Pope. Who of course fakes offence at the unseen attack. Water is thrashed around by each person until a full blown water war breaks out.

Swimming around to the boat, you take deep breathes as you watch the boys continue splashing around. You plan to hide out for a bit before climbing onto the boat and performing a cannon ball that will soak everyone. The splash to end all splashes. Not wanting to spoil the fun yet, you float on your back in the water. 

You close your eyes and feel the cool water soak into your warm skin. The aches and pains from the day’s work unravel from your body. Dark clouds filter behind your eyelids as the sounds around you become more muffled. You know you should get up but you can’t will your body to move. 

The water around you laps farther up your face, and within a few moments you’re completely submerged into the water. Making the mistake to breathe, a burning sensation fills your lungs and your body fights out of its own slumber. But you’ve already breathed in too much water and your body is still too exhausted to propel your body toward the surface. 

**

Looking around JJ realizes that he hasn’t seen (Y/N) in a few minutes. He calls out (Y/N)’s name while circling around the boat. Giving up on swimming, JJ climbs up on the boat and surveys around the best he can in the dark.

Panic rises within JJ’s chest and his breathing becomes labored. JJ knew he should have suggested harder that you two stay at the Chateau. He could tell through (Y/N)’s eyes how exhausted she truly is. Just a few nights ago he went to surprise her at home. Crawled in through her window with a big bag of snacks and drinks that will keep her up well into the night. However, the moment JJ wrapped his arms around her, (Y/N) was knocked out cold.

With his shaking hands, JJ grabs for a flashlight and shines it on the water. JJ knows he won’t be able to see anything but he can’t think straight. Just before he is ready to radio for help he sees a bubble rise to his right.

Not wasting any time, JJ dives into the water. His eyes spot (Y/N) a few feet down from him, unmoving. A shot of ice cold fear radiates through his body as he fights his limbs to move him toward (Y/N). JJ wraps his arms around her waist and propels his legs to break the surface above.

“HELP!!” JJ screams to John B and Pope. “HELP!!”

The guys hear him and turn to face his panic-stricken face. Realizing that (Y/N) is in JJ’s arms, the guys spring into action. John B gets onto the boat while Pope joins JJ and lifts (Y/N)’s limp body. JJ grabs onto the boat and pulls his body up and is quickly joined by Pope.

“Tell me how to do CPR!” JJ frantically shouts to Pope.

“You think I know?”

“You’re the fucking genius,” JJ lays you flat on your back, “so help me goddammit! I can’t lose her!”

“Okay okay!” Pope presses his fingers against his temple as he thinks about what to do. “Chest compressions! Two sets of 30 and then mouth to mouth. Check for breathing and then start over!”

JJ places his hands over (Y/N)’s chest and begins to press up and down. His actions start off timid, afraid that he will hurt her but feverishly picks up when he sees there is no change. Lowering his mouth to (Y/N)’s, JJ breathes air past her lips and sees her chest rise and fall. JJ can’t believe that only moments ago the last time he was this close the two of you were kissing, and now he is trying to breathe life into her.

I can’t lose her. I can’t lose her. She’s my everything. I can’t lose her…

JJ presses up and down (Y/N)’s chest to this mantra. Years ago, his mother left and his father became a raging drunk who is always on someone else’s meds. (Y/N) made him stable, made his life feel stable. Without her, JJ is scared he will end up just like his father. (Y/N) has showed him that there is more to life than the Outer Banks. They always talked about leaving one day, buying a house, running a business, and eventually starting their own family. Right now, all those happy plans are slipping past JJ’s fingertips along with (Y/N).

**

A burning rush of water flows up your throat as a coughing fit surges through your chest. Grabbing on to something nearby, you flip on your side to help expel the contents. Even as all the water leaves your system you keep coughing and feel as though you will never stop.

After what feels like forever, your coughing subsides and you feel two strong arms wrap around your torso. As you take in what happened, you feel your body begin to shake at the realization that you could have died. Tears flood your cheeks and fall against JJ’s bare shoulders. That’s when you register that JJ is shaking as well.

“JJ,” you say as your hand holds the back of his head, “I’m okay. It’s okay.”

JJ doesn’t speak but shakes his head against your skin. His head fits in the crook of your neck and you feel him breathing in your sent. It’s as if he doesn’t believe that you are awake and breathing.

“JJ look at me.” You whisper.

Reluctantly JJ’s eyes meet yours. You see his blood shot eyes and tear-stricken face. JJ leans his forehead against yours as his fingers run through your hair. A pit hits the bottom of your stomach as you think about how worried JJ was and how reckless you were.

“Next time,” JJ takes a deep breath as his voice catches, “can we just stay at the Chateau?”

“Yes, yes.” You sigh in relief.

JJ connects your lips with his. The kiss starts off soft and gentle, but JJ quickly turns it hungry and desperate. It’s as if he needs you instead of air. In this moment you make yourself a promise that you won’t over work yourself from now on. You’ve realized that you aren’t the only one that will become overwhelmed.

[brucewaynehater101]

I come again w/ another Tim Drake au!!

So there's this fanfic "If We Could Only Utter the Words Left Unsaid" by TaintedCure on AO3

And now I wanna share an idea

TW for suicide because of Timothy + death-fueled-time-travel

Basically, whenever somebody kills Tim, they go back in time, and there's no limit to how many times he can die. they go back far enough to prevent his death or not do an attempt on his life

He dies during Titans Tower? Back in time you go Jason!

Cut his line and he broke his neck and died? Damian is now back in time!

Some goon cracked his skull too well? Say hello to the past bucko!

Hell, even accidental murders still register so if you were to accidentally push him off too high a ledge you're getting the Time Travel Treatment

Hey maybe Tim still is aware of his time travel powers, but only when it comes to natural causes (like hypothermia) or suicides, so as a result he thinks he knows it all when he in fact doesn't

So yeah, unless somebody spills, Tim is clueless to the whole truth of his powers

I imagine only old age would do him in at this rate

It'd be like real interesting to see all the POVs, especially if they think they know all the loops

Like there's Tim who's regularly exploited his powers to get perfect results but is trying to convince himself he isn't being too frivolous with his life since he's saving lives or making them better

Then there's the people who did him in and may or may not even be aware that the time travel they experiences was because they killed the Third Robin or got him killed

Then there's the people who've done him in maybe one, twice or multiple times and have clocked into the fact that murdering Tim is an exercise in futility

TW: suicide (powers revolving traveling time by dying), violence/abuse (skip the angst if you don't want the second one), and death.

Now, this is a very interesting concept, and I'm probably gonna get lost in the setup for a bit.

The way that Tim's powers work would have to be defined really well. How far back can he go? In the fic you mentioned, he has a save point, basically. He can die an infinite amount of times, but he'll only return to his save point unless he reaches past the OG time he died. He can play around as much as he wants between the savepoint and his death, but a new savepoint gets set up after he passes his OG death time. It also indicated a decrease in time he went back (or his savepoint was established) so that he'll eventually die for good if he kept using his powers. That solves a lot of continuity issues.

However, the setup for Tim's powers could be like SSS-Class Suicide Hunter. For those who aren't familiar, the MC revives 24 hours in the past. He ends up killing himself thousands of times to end up at least a decade in the past. It's been a while since I've read it, but that's the basics of it.

If we're working off of those rules, anyone who kills Tim is only working with 24 hours in the past. You can add more or less time to fit your AU better.

I have some questions about the setup. You mentioned that the person who kills Tim would get sent back without his knowledge. Therefore, in Tim's mind, has he never been murdered? Or, is it a two for one ride into the past? Does the villain get sent back into the past, but Tim doesn't know the past has been changed? Or does Tim get sent back as well, but he doesn't know the villain is also sent back?

Imma get into the angst in a bit if Tim doesn't get sent back into the past when he gets murdered.

However, the issue with this is fucking with the timestream. If a goon kills Tim, ends up 24 hours in the past, and past Tim kills himself within those 24 hours, what the hell is the timeline? Does the goon still get sent back in time? Does Tim get sent back, and then, when the goon is supposed to, his consciousness gets sent back during that time? Does Tim killing himself wipe out the goon being able to travel back in time?

Continously, I assume if villains found out about the power, they would gun for Red Robin with prejudice because they know they'll get a cheat that way. They get a ticket to the past if they kill the bird. They get a redo.

Alright. Angst time!

~~

Bruce is the first one to find out about Tim's power. He's training with Tim when, as per usual, he takes it a bit too far. The man has a habit of not pulling his punches in a fucked up version of trying to push Tim away from being Robin. This time, when he punches Tim, the kid doesn't get up. It's a wonder he didn't hear the awful crack or notice Tim's neck wasn't quite right. Only not recieving an answer after berating Tim about not getting up causes Bruce to pause. He doesn't hear breathing.

Oh gods. He doesn't hear breathing. Is Tim dead? Did he kill Tim? Did he break his nec-

Bruce snaps to attention mid lecture to Robin. They are both in the cave (not on the training mats not on the mats not on the mats), and it seems the exact same as it was yesterday when he was yelling at Tim about proper batarang maintenance.

Tim, ever the observant Robin, leans forward as if to ask if Batman was okay. Bruce flinches back.

Tim's eyes widen in shock as he takes a step back. In the year or so he's worked with Bruce, he's never gotten that response to initating touch. Tim's eyes flicker down to his hand in recrimination and puzzlement.

Bruce takes a shaky breath in before dismissing Tim for the night. The child is hesitant to flee but follows the request.

Bruce doesn't know what happened and he's not sure he wants to find out.

This cues Bruce being kinder to Tim and less harsh. The detective figures out that Tim has a time traveling power upon death, but it appears as if Tim isn't aware of it (he doesn't know that Tim constantly kills himself for better results in field). Tim never finds out that Bruce's change in behavior to him was born of guilt. He never learns that his dad killed him.

~~

Next angst!

Two concepts with Jason.

One, Jason creates a fucked up timeloop with Titan's Tower where he kills Tim over and over again in fucked up ways until he satiates his desire for bloodlust. If Tim is still aware of the Tower incident, that's because Jason wanted him to be. Whether Jason becomes guilty about this timeloop he created or not could also be explored. There is a fic out there kind of similar to this concept (timeloop Titan's Tower, not the added element of Tim's powers).

Two, Bruce does end up killing Jason in the showdown with the Joker. He batarang slices Jason's neck, the building blows up, and Jason never emerges. There's a few ways to add on top of this angst. If Titan's Tower happened before this (and Tim was left beaten), that means Tim chose to kill himself to save Jason. Jason will never know. That, or Titan's Tower happens afterwards and Jason tortures Tim not knowing the teen saved him from a second death at the hands of his father (ironically Tim also doesn't know that he's been killed by Bruce).

~~

Last Angst!

Damian finds out about Tim's power and abuses it constantly. He's a kid that was raised to be an assassin and found someone he can kill that also gives him the benefit of getting away with anything. As long as the kill goes through, he's golden.

Eventually, Damian starts to slow down on this. He doesn't really want to see Drake choking on blood again.

He one day finds that he hasn't tried to kill Drake in months and he doesn't really want to try to.

Then he finds that list.

Then he cuts Drake's line.

Then he has to relive those 24 hours again knowing he killed someone he was starting to trust.

Bonus angst if Tim finds out, jokingly asks his family members how many times they have killed them, and finds out Dick is the only one who hasn't (Tim killed himself after the 16th birthday incident and he somewhat blames Alfred for that, though he'll never tell him).

[incognitopolls]

hi, i sent in a comment back when one (not me) anon said they were unfollowing due to constant cisnormativity and gender essentialism in the polls. you didn't answer my ask back then, or maybe the ask disappeared since tumblr does that sometimes, but i would appreciate it if you would answer this, because i think it would be beneficial for everyone to actually talk about this openly.

i'd just like to ask, knowing that you may edit polls submitted to be more inclusive and clearer, why is the recent poll about preferences for a partner's pubic hair specifically for people with penises? and if there is another poll coming that's the same but for people with vaginas, i'm wondering why it would be necessary for a question like it to be separated like that. personally i don't see how that would make a big, or more importantly an interesting difference in the results. to me all it seems like it's doing is excluding intersex people and supporting this idea of "the two sexes" being fundamentally completely different from each other and someone's genitals playing a big part in defining people's preferences.

i'm not intending this as a hate comment, but as a genuine request for conversation around this subject, as you yourself said to the anon that unfollowed, that you'd like to hear about their side. i know i'm not said anon, but i think we're kind of talking about the same subject here, and recently there's been a lot of polls here separating people via genitals, and it's beginning to make me feel a little uncomfortable, in big part due to it implying that a huge portion of people here see gender and/or sex as a binary, and that people on the opposite ends of that binary are fundamentally different from each other due to their sex/gender.

apologies for the long ask, i just really wanted to avoid misunderstandings so i may have rambled a bit more than necessary.

Hi! Thanks for bringing up your concerns. The way I interpreted that question is that anon was curious whether pubic hair affects the sensation on the penetrating partner‘s penis, or whether pubic hair can be a hindrance– for example, acting as a barrier, or adding friction.

The original question was only aimed at people with penises, and I hadn’t planned on posting any variations for different genitals because (from what I’m assuming about anon’s curiosity) the question is so specific in asking about the sensation and/or logistics for a penis navigating around hair. I don’t think it would be helpful or yield any interesting data to post the same poll for people with other genitals. 

In this case, I think my error was in not specifying “does a partner’s pubic hair affect the sensation on your penis during penetration?”. That’s the question I think anon was trying to ask, but unfortunately it was more clear in my and anon’s heads and didn’t come across in writing as clearly as I thought I was saying it. 

Also, in response to the sentiment that there have been a lot of genital-related polls lately, there have been about 3 in the past 2 weeks, or about 3%. (7 polls per day; 49 polls per week; 98 polls every two weeks.) I understand if it seems like a lot, but the actual saturation is fairly low. I'm saying this not to dismiss you, but in the hopes of reassuring you that this blog is not shifting to become more heavily focused on separating people's genitals.

I got a number of helpful messages about the previous conversation on dyadism. I didn't respond to them due to some things in my personal life that limited my time, but I read them and have them saved as a reminder to myself when writing up polls so that I can continue to make these polls more inclusive of intersex people– I promise those messages weren’t ignored.

[phantomrose96]

I think one of my least favorite Reddit personalities is what I'm gonna call Destitution Superiority.

It's a pretty disturbingly popular mindset I encounter frequently on Reddit. The kind of people who are like "Yeah I always save 75% of my income and I do this by never buying any single thing I do not need" "I've cut out 100% of processed sugar from my entire diet and it's great for my body" "I spend (absurdly long) time at the gym and eat (absurdly few) calories every day which I weigh and count it's really turned my life around."

And the thing is like, I believe them when they say doing this makes them feel good! I believe this satisfies a primal need for accomplishing a difficult task, for being proud of their efforts, for feeling superior to people who are simply too "lazy"/"impulse-driven"/"ignorant" to do the same.

...But by god. What's the end game? Do these people want to hit 80 years old and look back on their entire life pride which was just... self-deprivation? Do they want to look back and think "thank god I never once tried a delicious piece of cake" "thank god I missed my friend's birthday party so I could hit my gym goals" "thank god I'm dying with millions in the bank which I never let myself use or enjoy in life"

They're defining themselves by what they refuse to let themselves have. They're seeking accomplishment in being less, and doing less, and consuming and spending less so they can soak in the ephemeral brain chemicals that say "you did good by denying yourself this experience." And what happens when they crack? When day 487 of no desserts they feel weak and have a cupcake and hate themselves? And they go back to their hivemind which tells them they were simply weak and need to get back on the horse. It's sad. It's sad to watch.

And it is so very dangerous for how easily people will get sucked in. How extremely easy it is to blur the lines between "healthy, responsible behavior" and "cultish adherence to denying yourself pieces of your own life." They don't recognize that line themselves. Because if you try to bring this up with them, they deflect as if you were suggesting they plunge themselves deep into the opposite obsession. "Oh you think I should just spend every single dime I earn and end up in debt and broke?" "What are you suggesting I just let my health go because it's easier to sit on the couch every day."

No. I just think the narrative around "responsible" behaviors of finance and health needs to address the far-too-pervasive phenomenon of people overdoing it with cultish adherence, and locking themselves out of life, experiences, and joy, because the chemical rush of choke-hold control on their life--(or worse, the fear of slipping and being seen as one of the irresponsible others)--blinds them to the fact that they earnestly want to shrink the one and only life they have to live.

[dedicatednotobsessed]

The Mark of the Dragon [Aegon Targaryen x Reader]

Previous chapter || Series masterlist || Other HOTD stories [requests open]

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🔥A/N: I apologize for this chapter being shorter than I wanted it to be. I also meant to publish it in the eight weeks that the show was airing but life stuff got in the way. 😅 I hope you enjoy nonetheless though xx 🔥

Summary: You grew up on the streets of Fleabottom for the majority of your life being orphaned at the young age of ten. Apart from your striking hair color, the only thing you inherited from your family was a birthmark on the back of your left shoulder blade. On the week of festivities to celebrate the King’s eldest, Aegon the Second, you end up encountering him. You help him forget about his duties of being Prince and Heir to the Iron Throne until one fateful night…. [AU based where Aegon was crowned heir instead of Rhaenyra].

Warnings in this chapter: None.

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Chapter III

Your hands clutched onto Aegon’s cloak that was still wrapped around you, watching him whisper to a young boy before handing him a green velvet pouch, the boy running off shortly afterward. 

“You told them you only had fifteen hundred,” You whispered, furrowing your brows. 

“I lied.” Aegon turned to you, sighing at your state. Come.”

You looked down at his outstretched hand before taking it, your other hand clutching his cloak. You let him lead you to the tub, which was already filled with water and scented oils. 

“You can trust me,” Aegon whispered when he tried to move your hand from the cloak.

You met his violet eyes, and a sense of security washed over you. You knew from the tales you have heard of the eldest Prince that he was vulgar and crude, yet you felt protected by him. You reluctantly let go of his cloak, and after he slowly tugged it off your body, you quickly wrapped your arms around your chest to save the dignity you had left. He took your forearm, leading you over to the tub. Your eyes scanned over the water, glistening slightly from the candlelight, before up at Aegon when he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

Aegon said nothing, moving his hand down your arm and intertwining his fingers with yours. He helped you in the tub before kneeling behind it and rolling up the sleeves of his tunic to his elbows. 

“Why are you doing this?” You asked softly, tugging your knees to your chest. 

He kept silent momentarily, pouring the jug of water down your hair. “I am simply paying back your kindness.”

Your brows knitted together in confusion. “I don’t understand, my prince.”

“Don’t call me that,” He snapped before letting out a deep breath through his nose. “Please, call me Aegon when we are alone.”

You nodded slowly, feeling his fingers run through your hair. “I don’t understand how you are paying back my kindness…Aegon.” His name felt foreign on your tongue, as though it was a forbidden word you couldn’t utter.

Aegon stilled his hands—the prince seemed deep in thought for a brief moment—before responding, “You treated me as though I was any other person. Not some royal.” He said the title with a hint of disgust in his voice.

You sighed softly. “A title does not define a person.”

“If only everyone had similar views,” Aegon mumbled, beginning to ring out your hair. 

The only noise that went through the chambers for a moment was the swishing of the water before you felt his fingers run over the back of your left shoulder, moving your hair to drape across your right shoulder. Upon your skin was a deep purple mark stretching across your shoulder, a mark in the shape of a dragon’s head.

“Were you born with this?” His voice was soft, his touch even softer as his fingers danced over your mark.

“I was,” you replied while taking a deep breath. “It is the only thing I have left of my father.”

You turned to meet his violet eyes, the water sloshing around you as you did so. Behind his eyes was a particular expression you could not quite cipher. Aegon had his brows scrunched in concentration momentarily before blinking a few times, breaking his trance.

“Is everything all right?”

Aegon nodded, but his body language told a different story. His body seemed tense, and his shoulders slumped as he studied your features. He jumped slightly, hearing the soft knock on the door, and stood to open it, revealing the same scrawny boy from earlier. After paying him a few more gold dragons for his silence and closing the door, his attention turned back to you with a simple light grey and blush pink dress in his arms, a pair of silk slippers the same shade of grey sitting neatly on top. 

“I hope these fit.”

You caught the dress, running your fingers over the soft fabric. Glancing at Aegon, his gaze on the floor, your mannerisms seemed to change, causing a nervous flutter in your stomach. What caused his behavior to change?

He was kind enough to turn around while you got dressed, although it didn’t matter, seeing you were already as bare as the day you came into this world. You ran a hand across your stomach, the light grey corset of the dress feeling snug. 

Aegon looked over you for a moment, a brow raised. “Well? How does it fit?”

Your hands smoothed over your blush-colored skirt. “It does not look like a sack on my body if that was what you were wondering.”

He let out a breathy laugh, walking closer with the shoes. He motioned for you to sit on the bed, kneeling before you to put the slippers on. You watched over him carefully, a playful smile on your features. “I never thought a Prince of the Seven Kingdoms would bend the knee to a lowborn.”

Aegon hummed, his gaze meeting yours when you kicked him lightly. He returned your smile. “Perhaps you are more than a lowborn, my rose.”

“Y/N. My name is Y/N.”

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The end of the week was approaching, yet signs of the festivities were nowhere to be found. You were wary of leaving your home since the run-in with the poachers, but your food was beginning to rot, and your stomach was growling.

You jumped slightly at the sudden knock, looking over at your dark wooden door, frowning when the knock came a second time. You swiped the knife resting on your table, carefully hiding it behind your skirts as you approached the door. Your hand grabbed the handle tightly, and you looked up when the knock came a third time. You swung the door open, the knife raised.

Aegon’s eyes were wide at the sight of the knife, his hands raised slightly. “I don’t mean harm.”

You blew a breath, lowering your blunt weapon; it wouldn’t have caused much damage. “I’m sorry, my prince, but I don’t get many visitors.” You scrunched your brows in confusion. “H-how did you know where I lived?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “I have my ways,” He replied. “May I come in?”

You eyed the prince but nodded, opening the door wider for him. Your home was no bigger than the room Aegon took you to the night before. Aegon’s eyes wandered around, trying to hide the disgust he felt. It was not the exact home you grew up in, although you tried your best to make it feel like it was; your childhood home was a pile of ashes now. You took a peek outside your home before closing it. The grip on your knife relaxed, and your gaze returned to the silver-haired man sitting on your bed; the poor mattress creaked under his weight.

“Why are you even here?”

He blew out a breath, falling back onto your bed, looking up at your ceiling. “I needed to hide.”

You raised a brow. “To hide?” You repeated. 

He closed his eyes. “My mother informed me that I would be crowned heir on the morrow.” His voice slightly wavered as he talked.”

You furrowed your brows, tossing your knife on the table before walking closer to Aegon. You rested a knee on your bed beside his body, looking over him. “You don’t sound too happy to be next in line for the throne.”

Aegon opened his eyes, his gaze roaming over you. There was a small light in them while he watched you, as though he was trying to remember every detail of your face. “I am only to be heir because I’m the eldest son. It is my duty,” He said quietly. “But fuck duty. I don’t want it.”

You scrunched up your nose. “What is you want then?”

He reached up, gingerly running his fingers through your silver locks. “I wish to have freedom.”

You hummed, taking his hand in yours. You looked over his palm, examining it. You were surprised how soft it felt, assuming it would be rough and callused. “Freedom is not as luxurious as you assume it to be.”

“And neither is the royal life.” 

He pulled you down suddenly, a chuckle passing his lips when you giggled. “What if I told you that I felt freedom with you?” He whispered. 

You clicked your tongue. “I will call you a liar and an imbecile. Don’t think because you rescued me from those poachers means you will finally have your way with me. Your sweet words will get you nowhere.”

A challenging smirk formed on his features, licking his lips lightly while he played with your fingers. “I guess I will have to prove I am worthy of being free with you.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “And how are you planning to do that, Aegon?” You questioned, remembering how he scolded you the night before for using his title in private, so you decided to humor him by saying his name instead.

His smirk only widened. “Through books.”

You furrowed your brows in confusion. “I can’t read.”

“I remember you told me when we first met, but I never said you would be the one reading.”

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Tagged readers: ✨ @mrsdaemontargaryen ✨ || @aleemendoza2425-blog || @arabellachant || @clairacassidy || @fictionalcomforts || @ladybug0095 || @namelesslosers || @neenieweenie || @runningmunson

[briebysabs]

Lu Guang is a hypocrite and that’s okay (great even)

I must stand ten toes for this man because I’m noticing the slander that went on in September and I cannot allow it. I know I’m six months late but just bear with me. We are introduced to Lu Guang as a rational, stoic, sort of wise protagonist. The brains of the operation if you will (although Cheng is clever in his own right but that’s a whole other discussion). Qiao Ling and Captain Xiao describe him as more mature. Shiguang’s relationship is strong but it’s structured, especially for their work, to where Cheng has to depend on Lu Guang. Should only do as he says and not do anything impulsive.

And it gets to a point where Cheng doesn’t know what to do without him and when LG isn’t there he relies on his past words to guide him. The thing is, we’ve seen that CXS can come up with great plans and make good decisions without Lu Guang’s voice in his head. Like how he caught Min Liu or planning how save Lu Guang from Li Tianchen. But the story has built LG up so much to be a reliable character so it can’t be untrue. But then the s2 finale happens, Cheng gets shot and Lu Guang loses his mind.

And then the ending basically tells you that he’s been winging it and gambling this whole time. Experimenting with god knows how many timelines, simply using his knowledge from the previous one to see if he’ll get lucky this time. Lu Guang has been playing a crane game. So in a story that is all about mistakes, guilt and regrets. Of showing the imperfections of people. Of showing the struggles of moving forward, of being satisfied with the present. Of sacrificing your sanity, your voice, your desires, and happiness for the people you love. How is this bad writing?

Link click has been tricking the audience to believe Lu Guang is an infallible character.

But Link Click was never about perfect people.

What he’s trying to do is no different from Li Tianchen, one of our antagonists. And I love CXS to fucking pieces but this show raises the question of a life’s value. LG is trying to save Cheng and so refuses to change the past for anyone else. Bc it may alter things and doom CXS in the process and ruin all he’s worked towards. But then you ask yourself, is CXS’s life worth more than the twins' mother? Is it worth more than Chen’s mother? Is it worth more than Emma?

It doesn’t matter because it is to Lu Guang. It’s like the question if your sibling and a mailman are trapped in a burning building but you can only try to save one. Unless they’re the absolute scum of the earth, chances are and possibly even despite that, you’re going to pick your sibling. That don’t mean it’s objectively more valuable than the mailman or you didn’t have sympathy for that person, they have loved ones, hopes and joys too. “Lu Guang is a hypocrite, selfish, unreliable, and a liar” yes he is. Because there is something called ‘flawed characters’. It’s okay for your protagonist to not be the best person. It’s okay to write a protagonist whose trauma has defined some of their actions.

If you’ve been forced to have someone you love die in your arms over and over, why is it surprising that you would lie to them? How is it surprising that you’d try to keep secrets? That you’d set things up to be in a position to control the situation? That’ll force you to plan better so maybe, just maybe things will be different? You think Lu Guang lacks self awareness and doesn’t know what this makes him? Of all things you can call LG, he’s not delusional. He knows the weight of his actions.

Link Click has and always will be a story about people. Where our emotions and choices take us. Lu Guang isn’t a robot so why would he be an exception?

Plus everyone should’ve been knew Lu Guang was sus anyway. Idk how that’s mischaracterization, there’s proof of him lying and keeping secrets from CXS in s1. It doesn’t ruin anything it recontextualizes what we were shown back then.

[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations 🦩🦩🦩

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

🦩Aries Moon or Scorpio Moon in a woman’s natal chart: can be tricky, because you can end up being frustrated like “I can never win (on my own), do I?”. Other people (the public, but even your own family members) will define you based on men in your life. Your dad and the partner you end up dating. You will feel like men in your life (even those you end up dating) define you too much. To the point you dating them overshadows your actual accomplishments.

🦩If you have Gemini Moon or Gemini IC: living with your romantic partner, spouse will actually drain you and your energy quite a bit. 😬 I think it’s wise to fully think through maybe even having your own space, another apartment where you can have your own alone time or even choosing an option to NOT move in together, but just hanging out in the other’s home or have “sleepovers”. Because sometimes for example, both partners have their own specifics, meaning one likes higher temperature in the bedroom than the other etc.

🦩Gemini Moon or Gemini IC is also the type to consider separate beds or bedrooms.

🦩Another synastry/compatibility hack/tip that I’ve learnt: you will likely see someone’s natal Moon sign as the house that their Moon falls in yours. For example: the person has Cancer Moon in their own natal chart. In your natal chart their Moon falls into your 8th house, so you might perceive their emotions more like that of Scorpio Moon in the natal chart. If it’s a man with natal Cancer Moon, you’d think they really want to settle down and start a family unit. But since they fall in your 8th house, you see them more as a natal Scorpio Moon. There will actually be a reluctant energy to settle down. You might end up seeing them as a forever bachelor, lone wolf type despite having a natal Cancer Moon in their own chart.

🦩Despite the contrary, Leo Moon might actually be the less known sibling. Usually their sibling is the famous one or the well-known one. BUT Leo Moon plays a crucial part in their well-known sibling’s life. They might have financially supported them at some point until they figured things out. But Leo Moon will always feel very proud of their sibling. And the sibling will be forever loyal to Leo Moon.

🦩Having Sagittarius and Pisces Moon also shows you might have a partner/spouse with an age difference, not only Capricorn Moon!

🦩Virgo North Node quite often makes a diet change (going vegan for example) not so much for personal beliefs, but because they battled with a chronic health issue in the past. So it’s not just a trendy lifestyle change for them, but because they suffered so much physical, chronic pain and a health condition.

🦩Scorpio Mercury can overuse or even become addicted to the internet and social media more than Pisces Mercury actually.

🦩Gemini Chiron feels self-conscious that what they do as a job is not really a job. And they hate 9 to 5 jobs.

🦩If you have MC in the 11th house in the whole signs system natal chart, you will most likely do social media or use it a lot for/in your career.

🦩If you have Mercury square/opposition Uranus how others think, do or thank about you absolutely doesn’t get to you or affect you.

🦩Ruler of the 4th house in the 2nd house: you might get jealous of other’s families.

🦩Uranus in the 2nd house in a woman’s chart: the roles can be switched when you are dating/in a relationship. You might randomly spend huge amount on your partner. And how you show your love is “volatile”.

🦩Capricorn over the 2nd house or Saturn in the 2nd house can be “broke” for around 10 years or until their first Saturn Return. But let me explain. Until the age of 30 they live with very little money, it’s not like they don’t have any, they are able to go by with little. Most of it goes towards essential expenses (pay for rent, food etc.) and usually those expenses are higher than what they are making salary wise, so there is little chance for savings. But after first Saturn Return, they really come into their financial stability and are able to grow, build more and lay further foundation, growing their savings too. So don’t get discouraged, things get more stable for you!

🦩Scorpio Juno might not like to have children with their partner, spouse. Because they feel like it takes away their partner’s attention from them and that they become too preoccupied with children.

🦩Sagittarius Moon has a fascination with blades and samurai.

🦩You might often get period after an end of a Moon cycle through your houses. Often when Moon is transiting your 1st house.

🦩You know how Gemini Moons can see their mother as weird? Well, prepare for Pisces Moons, because these natives see their mother as equally weird as Gemini Moon do.

🦩If you have Neptune in the 2nd house, Neptune in the 2nd house you like to watch and listen to those “how to make money based on your natal chart” videos on Youtube or Tiktok. 😂

🦩Virgo Moon and Mars don’t like to be touched (hugged, hand holding etc.), if it’s not known in advance, they like to be somehow “informed” on it or that is somehow planned. Because when it’s spontaneous, it can get too awkward too quickly for them. I think with them in particular is best to be verbal and just announce what you are about to do, like “Do you mind if we hold hands?” or “Can I give you a hug?”. It really eases the tension and nervous energy in them.

🦩I know that for jobs we are always looking at the sign and planets in the 6th house, but honestly check your 2nd house along with that. It shows where your main salary, income will come from, from which field (like Uranus in the 2nd house: crypto, tech job, social work etc.). Look at it also like the themes of your jobs. Neptune in the 2nd house: a creative job, humanitarian, helping or healing other people through food and so forth.

🦩Venus in the 6th house: you tip waiters, baristas etc. and always smile at them and thank them kindly.

🦩If you have Pisces Mercury or Mercury Neptune aspects you feel like you are not showing the real self to the world out of fear of being exploited. You might therefore get a new name once under spotlight that would separate the persona from your authentic self.

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

[primaviva]

PAIRING: gwen stacy x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: it's a rainy friday night, and you and your girlfriend, gwen aka ghost-spider, had plans to hang out. but when she stops responding to your texts, you can only worry. hours pass and your fears are realized when she finally shows up through your window. bloody, beaten, in need of the care only her favorite nurse can provide. you.

WARNING/NOTES: mentions and descriptions of blood/treating wounds, suggestive! towards the end, not smut (creep she’s 16-17 tf) making out and kissing, little angst but mostly fluff, reader is implied to be shorter than gwen?? fic is mad long n so much so it needs a warning just for that, that’s it !!

the night was dark and stormy, the rain falling in sheets, splattering against the hard ground and filling the air with a palpable sense of gloom. It was a friday night, and the city was quiet, the streets nearly empty save for the occasional streetlamp's soft glow cutting through the darkness. the sound of raindrops tapping on the window brought you back to reality, and you glanced at the clock on your bedside table: 8:15 pm. you had been waiting for nearly three hours, hoping for a text from your girlfriend, gwen. you knew today had been a dreary day, and the weather outside made it feel even more so of that.

you let out a deep sigh, feeling a mix of worry and frustration. the silence in the room was deafening, and the only sound was the slow drip of the rain outside. you laid back in your bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering if your ghost-spider was ok. you picked up your phone and checked it for the hundredth time, but there was still no response from gwen. your eyes were fixed on the screen, as if staring at it with enough intensity would make your girlfriend send a text. but despite refreshing the messenger app continuously, there was still no response, and with each passing moment, the tension in your chest only grew. the air around you felt thick and still, as if the universe was holding its breath. after the first hour of this waiting game, you had tried to distract yourself with your favorite album. it’s something you and gwen would do together because of your mutual love for music, but the song felt muted as your mind kept returning back to her. as the hours passed, you couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

the job of the ghost-spider being defined as hard would be the biggest understatement of the century. not only did you watch her fight every new menace of the week who thought they was the one while also stopping the average goon who really in their right mind thought they could fight the spiderwoman with a pocket knife, even with her name hinting at the spider power part, you also saw how the heroine lifestyle took a toll on her physically and mentally. she’s forced to lie to her loved ones and devote time from her life to serve new york, missing out on her own personal day to day life. you knew this was the life she chose for herself and you supported her, and with her power came a responsibility to use it for the good of the people, but you wish you could do more for her every time you saw her with dark bags under her eyes and a pained look on her face from all the injuries and physical labor she put her body through the night before. you were one of the few people that knew who she was, beside your friend peter. her dad didn’t know, and you could only imagine what he would do if he had known the “homicidal spider” he was hunting for was under the same roof as him and buying father’s day cards every year. gwens life is a hard one to live, but not an impossible one, and with you around there’s a weight lifted off her shoulders. you would never talk her out of being the ghost-spider, because you knew it was part of her identity, who she is, and also how the city needed her, and it helped keep spiderwoman going knowing she could protect you including.

the knocking at your window jolted you out of your worry-induced daze, and you quickly ran to the window to see who was there, a glimmer of hope in your eye. as you approached, you realized that it was your gwen, sticking to the outside of the window, her costume torn and her body covered in blood. your heart skipped a beat as you hurriedly opened the window and brought her inside, quickly lending your arms on her tense triceps for support as she crawled her way inside your room with a trail of red following her inside. as you looked at your girlfriend, you couldn't believe the state she was in. she was covered in blood, her face contorted in pain, and her eyes had a faraway look in them that you’d never seen before.

"what the hell happened, gwen? a-are you ok?” you asked, your concern for her clouding your mind.

gwen took a deep, shallow breath before answering, her voice raspy from the pain, "got caught in a trap trying to stop our friend the rhino from busting ceiling first into the local bank. i managed to stop him, but that walking meatsack on steroids nearly beat me unconscious.” her voice was laced with sarcasm as she hit you with one of her playful, classic spiderwoman remarks. but the delivery hit different.

even though you couldn't see her face, you could almost feel her gaze staring intensely into your own. it felt like you both were the only two people left in the city, locked in a moment of silence. as her mouth was still obscured by her mask, you could feel her breath on your skin. then there was the blood, a small trickle that had fallen from her nose, leaving a tiny stain on the edge of her mask. it was a reminder of her injury, a fleeting glimpse into her vulnerability with you. these were the moments that made you want to hold her tighter, to try and comfort her, to try and make everything okay.

“how long did it even take you to get here?” you questioned her, your answer being the silence that was your room.

you slid her mask up with worry in your eyes, “gwen…” you mumbled in a shaky voice. her hands slid around your hips to your waist in a weak hold and a very poor attempt to reassure you knowing how busted and bruised she looked. she began leaning against your window, unable to hold herself upright as the change in position shifted your balance and weight into her chest as her strong arms embraced you further.

your face was pressed against her chest in the tight hug as you listened to her fast, pounding heartbeat gradually begin to slow down from all the adrenaline of her trip. with you now in gwens arms, she let out a shaky breath, feeling a wave of relief wash over her as she leaned her head to rest on top of yours, leaving a faint kiss on your temple in the process. she chuckled softly, letting the familiar scent of your hair and the warmth of your skin fill her senses. you tried to pull yourself away but gwens arms only tightened, her chest straining against the weight of you, but despite the pain, she didn't care. all she wanted is to be as close as possible to you in this moment, to feel you against her.

"i'm so sorry," she murmured, her voice low and sweet yet unsteady. "i didn't mean to scare you. i just need to be near you right now, to feel you. i really don't want you to worry.” she loosened her grip on you, feeling the warm and soft curves of your body as her fingers danced up and down your back, glad that she was able to have you in her hands and finally be with you again.

you soon realized it wasn’t just the rain from the window still being open that was making you shiver as gwens hands lightly roamed the exposed skin under your shirt and around your abdomen. her hands were wet and cold, leaving a frozen imprint on your skin that sent shivers throughout your whole body and butterflies started to bubble in your stomach. you pressed your face more into her chest as your arms moved from her triceps to her back, your hands noticing how cold she is. you feel the frigid, soaked clothes against gwen’s skin, and her short hair, which was slick from the rain slowly trickling down her neck. you can sense how exhausted she is, how much pain her body is in.

it's heartbreaking to see her in such a state, and for a moment, you both just stood there, holding onto each other, not wanting this moment of solace and safety to end. she held you close, enjoying the heat radiating from your body and the comfort of your presence. gwen never wants you to worry too much even if it’s inevitable, so she tries to stay calm and strong, but the emotions of the moment are too strong to hold back. she lets out a strained groan as her finger tips dig into your hips from the sudden pain, bringing you back to the reality of her injuries as you lifted your head from her chest.

your hand on her back made its way to the nape of her neck, the touch being both gentle and reassuring as you caressed the back of her head, she felt herself calming down again. the coldness clung to her like a wet blanket and the only warmth was from your touch. she leaned into you, reveling in the feeling of your hot fingers against her chilled skin, savoring your touch. as you cradled her frigid cheek, she couldn't help but feel a tug at her heartstrings, her watercolor eyes widening as she stared back into your own, searching for what you were going to do next.

“start taking that suit off and...and i’ll be right back,” you said to your girlfriend, who was about to catch a severe case of hypothermia if you didn’t get a grip on the situation at hand. gwen raised a brow at what you said with the corners of her mouth twitching into the best smirk she could put on while being in this state. she knew exactly what you meant, she just wanted to tease you.

“gwen,” you said as you let out an exasperated sigh, crossing your arms as you narrowed your eyes at her. she slumped her shoulders, letting out a “yes nurse!” before following your orders. “i’m gonna go get the first aid kid, ok? be right back,” you added and watched from the doorway of your bedroom as she gave a silent hum in response, too weary to respond and too caught up in taking her suit off.

as you stepped out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, you tried to keep your composure, not wanting to stress yourself and instead focus on doing your best to help your girlfriend. quickly, you begin rummaging through the cabinet, trying to find the correct medical supplies needed to treat such an extreme wound. it looked like she had gotten hit by a freight train, but only after having her stomach clawed at like smokey the bear had turned evil. you stumble across the first-aid kit, and urgently grab some gauze, bandages, and other necessary supplies. you’re caught off guard by a loud thud coming from your room.

“gwen?” you were already anxious and tried to keep your voice steady while listening further. hearing no reply caused your heart to weigh heavier and heavier as you picked up the pace and returned to her.

trying to ignore the pool of blood on the floor next to the window, you walked back in with the kit and supplies in hand and your eyes landed on her lean body, struggling to pull the rest of her suit down.

“hey wait,” you spoke, setting the supplies down on the nightstand, “before you look even more of a mess, let me help you.” gwen’s eyes widened and her lips were slightly parted, as if she was taken aback by your offer. nonetheless, she didn't hesitate to accept your helping hands. you approached her where she was still standing and noticed that she had only been able to slide her suit down to her abdomen, exposing her black sports bra that hugged her perfectly and her toned upper body. aware of her eyes watching your every move, you reached out to her and took a firm hold of the waistline of her soaked suit, gently lowering it down until the fabric hit the floor, letting her step out with ease. gwen was clearly surprised by the sudden act, and you could see a hint of shyness in her eyes. even as you’re the one who is taking charge of the situation, it felt as though she was still in control. she had a power over you that you couldn't explain.

"feeling better?" you asked gwen as you looked up at her. her chest was heaving up and down and her eyes still stared at you closely. even with her obvious exhaustion, a gentle smile found its way onto her face. "I always feel better with you," she said in a hoarse tone. you felt a warm, fuzzy sensation in your chest as gwen spoke those words. the feeling was indescribable.

you turned to your closet and started rummaging through your clothes in search of something comfortable, knowing that she probably wanted to change into a warmer pair of clothes after traveling who knows how long to your apartment in that freezing ass suit as soon as possible. finally, you found a pair of pajama pants and a long-sleeved top that you thought would fit her. "these are gonna help you feel even better," you told her with a wink.

she nodded in agreement, but when you walked over to help gwen change, she looked at you with wide eyes filled with a mixture of surprise and gratitude. "oh, you know don't have to help me," she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. you knew she was feeling vulnerable, but the subtle look of pure shock on her face made you want to kick your feet and giggle just at the reaction you were getting out of her. “i know,” was all you said back. you didn't listen and instead you gently lifted her foot, motioning her to step into the pants.

gwen seemed to appreciate the fact that you were taking care of her when she was in such a weakened state, but at the same time, appeared to be embarrassed by the whole idea of someone else dressing her, especially when the person in question was her extremely beautiful girlfriend. while gwen would like to believe she’s always the flirt of the relationship and insists that she’s so good that she should teach a master class, there were equal moments where you matched her witty comments or acted innocent enough to catch her lacking and get a glimpse of a flustered gwen. in your hands, she melted into putty for you.

“thanks,” she added in a hushed voice and balanced herself on the floor with a strong grip on your shoulders. you kissed her cheek and whispered, "don’t have to thank me," in her ear. if it weren't for the one light that only illuminated half of your room, you would have been able to see the rose wave of blush that coated your girlfriend's cheeks as you gazed up at her with a reassuring smile.

"go ahead and get comfortable because i know you can't wait to ruin my sheets," you taunted, remembering all the times gwen had shown up unannounced, threw herself on your bed as soon as you made it, and completely wrecked the mattress.

giggles filled the room, "at least i'm not putting my 'dirty converse' on it.” gwen was referring to a moment when she had the absolute audacity to walk around your room with her dirty shoes, let alone place them on your bed, rather than taking the sneakers off in the corner as soon as she came in. “yeah thank god,” you mumbled in relief.

you turned and walked towards the window to close in an attempt to stop the frigid air seeping in, you were struck by the sudden silence that filled the room. the sound of raindrops hitting the fire escape outside had faded into a faint, muffled noise. it wasn't until you picked up her suit from the floor to fold it and noticed the deep, bloody gashes crisscrossing it, that you began to understand the extent of her injuries. turning around, your eyes widened as your jaw hung loosely at the sight upon seeing gwen lying on the bed, but blood staining the sheets all pouring from her stomach and down the side.

you grabbed a small rag and sprayed a good amount of warm water on it and rubbed some soap to further saturate the fabric. you sat at her bedside, pausing for a moment to compose yourself before starting, the nerves building as you were met with the horrific scene at her abdomen.

“babe…it’s just a scratch,” gwen murmured to try and hype you up that this was an easy task. “just a scratch? a scratch isn’t the size of your head doubled and they definitely ain’t as deep as this,” you told her with wide eyes, completely baffled at her attempt to comfort you. did she not notice that sitting on your bed alone made it change colors?

“you ready?” you asked her, prepared to begin cleaning her wounds. gwen nodded, wincing as you began to gently dab at the wound with the soapy rag. you tried to be as gentle as possible, but the sight of the deep gash made your stomach churn. “you need to be more careful gwen,” you scolded, continuing to carefully clean and disinfect the area. she started to frown and you began to feel a little twinge of guilt.

you weren’t mad at her but this always frustrated you. of course you know that your girlfriend is spiderwoman, but she’s still human, and seeing her like this was a terrifying reminder of the dangers she faces every night. you never gave her hell for bailing dates, not answering texts, or just leaving in the middle of you guys spending time together because it’s part of who she is. gwen chose to be the hero new york needs, and you just wanted to make her days a little more easier.

she slowly opened her mouth to speak, trying to find the right words until a sudden surge of pain hit her. “shit!” gwen

spat out as her body instinctively sat up straight while her hand covered her injury.

“what's wrong? does it sting?” you asked hastily, only to get a frantic nod in return. "i'm fine…just peachy," she hitched, though you could hear the strain in her voice. you could feel gwen flinch as you touched the wound, “just a few more minutes i promise,” you said, looking up at her and offering a small smile. you shuffled closer to your girlfriend and gently moved her hand that was guarding her wound as she leaned her head on your shoulder, her breath tickling your neck.

as you tended to your girlfriend's wound, you couldn't help but be captivated by her toned abs and muscular arms. the sight of her fit and athletic physique was enough to make your heart skip a beat. it didn’t help that after cleaning up her stomach gashes, you found yourself losing focus on the task at hand, staring at her abs instead. which definitely didn’t go unnoticed by a blonde inches away from you. you gulped, quickly returning to dabbing the wound as you felt guilty for letting your attraction to her distract from the task in front of you. you then applied antiseptic to prevent infection and carefully bandaged the wound with gauze, making sure to wrap it tightly enough to stem the bleeding but not so tightly as to cause discomfort.

you leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, feeling the chill of her skin against your lips. “all done.”

"my hero," gwen groaned, looking up at you from her position with a grin. "think I'm starting to like getting hurt, just so i can be taken care of by you."

you couldn't help but let out a small huff of annoyance at her attempt to joke around. the stress of seeing her hurt was still fresh in your mind, and her comment didn't help ease your mind. "let's hope you don't have to get hurt too often," you replied, trying to keep your tone light. gwen smiled weakly, knowing that her attempt at humor had fallen flat. "i'm sorry," she said, reaching out to take your hand. “i’ll be right back,” you hummed, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

you packed up the first aid kit and took with you a change of clothes to the bathroom, carefully, you began to stow away the antiseptic, gauze, and bandages, making sure everything was in its proper place. as you placed the kit in the cabinet, you took a deep breath and looked at yourself in the mirror. your clothes were ruined, splattered with blood and damp from hugging gwen. with a sigh, you removed the stained clothes and slipped into a fresh, new set. coincidentally, the shirt was one of your girlfriend's many oversized shirts you stole she let you borrow. the one you had on was her mary janes shirt which looked much bigger on you than it did her and ended a little over thigh.

when you came back to your room, gwen as sitting up in the bed, eyeing you curiously. ‘that shirt looks familiar’ she thought, too dazed and confused to pinpoint fast enough where it's from. “there’s my nurse- what took you so long?" she asked, mouthing an oh as her eyes drifted to the bloody clothes on the floor. you walked up to the opposite side of the bed she was on and took a seat. a faint smile forms on your girlfriend's face as she sees you, but it's quickly replaced by a smirk as she recognizes your outfit.

"a quick change of clothes, huh? you trying to impress someone?" she teased. you felt your cheeks heat up and rolled your eyes. "well, you know i can't resist the opportunity to impress my favorite patient,” you bantered back, matching her energy. “you’re so dramatic because i wasn’t even gone that long. got blood all over me, so i had to change. it doesn’t feel right walking around your home with blood stains on your clothes like a murder suspect so…”

giggles filled the room but it slowly died down and was taken over by the tense ambiance of the room. you were still sat the opposite of gwen and you weren’t even facing her, still trying to calm your nerves and shaky hands from fixing her up.

"thanks for taking care of me," gwen said quietly, trying to move closer to you. you hummed in response. “and i’m sorry about your sheets, and the floor, and-”

"don’t worry about the mess, i can clean it up later. just focus on getting better for me,” you cut her off, pinching the bridge of your nose.

gwen couldn't help but feel troubled by the silence, why one half of you felt so loving while the other frustrated, but another emotion she couldn’t put her finger on just yet. "i keep saying sorry and you never respond, is there something wrong? did…did i upset you?” she asked softly, searching your face for a reaction.

“no! no- it’s just…” you let out as a huff, closing your eyes in an attempt to help you search for the right words.

you looked up, your eyes finally meeting hers but to gwen’s surprise your gaze held a completely different emotion. sadness. "you don't have to say sorry," you replied, your voice gentle. "i know you can't control what happens to you when you're out there patrolling as spiderwoman. and i don't want you to feel like im doing too much for you than you’re worthy of or that you don't deserve to be cared for. i do this because i chose to, because i want to stay by your side and make your life just a little bit easier, because...because i love you.”

as your words sank in, gwen was overcome with a flurry of conflicting emotions. her heart swelled with love and gratitude, but at the same time, she felt a pang of guilt and sadness. she didn't want to be a burden to you, to cause you stress or worry, but she didn't know how to express her feelings without coming across as weak or needy. tears welled up in her eyes as she struggled to find the right words. then, as she heard the sound of your quiet sniffles, she was jolted out of her frozen state. “but i’m also afraid of losing you a-and everything we have,” you confessed, your voice choked with emotion as you struggled to compose yourself.

gwen’s heart ached as she listened to your words. she always knew that you were a caring and selfless person, but hearing you express your fears opened her eyes to a whole new level of understanding. she knew that the life of a superhero was filled with danger and uncertainty, and that there were no guarantees for you guys future together. but she also knew that she couldn't imagine her life without you, and that she was willing to do whatever it took to make things work. gwen would do whatever it takes to return back to you. she wanted to hold you, to comfort you, and assure you that she wasn't going anywhere, but the lump in her throat made it hard to speak. instead, she reached out and took your hand, squeezing it tightly, hoping that the gesture would convey the depth of her feelings.

"i'm not going anywhere," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper. "i’m right here, and i'm always gonna be here. i'm not going to leave you. we'll get through this together."

you pulled her hand closer to you and laid it on your thigh, still not saying a word. as the silence fell between you both once more, gwen knew that she had to find a way to show you just how much you meant to her.

“can i see my girl's beautiful face?” she asked, a light grin on display as she massaged circles into your skin. “please?”

gwen moved her hand from your thigh and to your knee with a firm grip as she used it as leverage to pick herself up, still feeling weak from her injuries. she found herself hovering over you and lightly parting your legs with her hands so she can be directly in front of you.

“look at me,” she asked, her voice both gentle but stern. you put your hand over her hands that cupped your knee and stared up at her, eyes puffy and red from the faded tears. ‘beautiful’ is all she thought to herself.

gwen leaned down, her forehead touching yours. “you’re my world,” she whispered to your lips, loud enough so you could hear. “and i’ll do anything to make sure i come back safe and sound to you. i just want you to be ok, it’s one of the reasons i fight so hard. for you.”

you reached up and cupped her cheek, your thumb tracing her cheekbone. “i know," you spoke softly, “i love you for it."

as the air from your words brushed up against her mouth, gwen lowered her lips onto yours and captured you in a passionate kiss.

it was soft and gentle, a reflection of the love and tenderness you felt for each other. you could feel the warmth of gwen's breath against your skin, and it sent shivers down your spine. your hands found their way to her hair, tangling in the soft strands as you deepened the kiss. as the intensity of the kiss grew, so did your feelings about each other. the passion between you was undeniable, and you both knew that you would do anything for each other. you felt yourself getting lost in the moment, the world around you fading away as you focused solely on each other.

when she pulled away, gwen’s eyes bore into yours with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. “nothing can pull us apart, or else they’re gonna have to deal with me,” she declared, her voice full of conviction as you giggled at the threat she made.

as you sat across from each other, your eyes locked in a heated gaze, a palpable tension hung thick in the air between you. your thoughts went astray as you longed to feel gwen's presence, to be as close to her as possible. you could feel her desire for you radiating off her, matching the intensity of your own. every fiber in her being wanted nothing more but to collide with you. gwen's eyes were fixed on your lips, and you could see the struggle within her to resist the urge to lean in and kiss you. the anticipation was unbearable, and you both knew that it was only a matter of time before this ignited into something more.

gwen longed to feel you close to her, to wrap you in her embrace and provide comfort to you in the knowledge she was right here with you, and that’s not gonna change any time soon. the atmosphere between the two of you felt heavy, the weight of each passing second causing you to ache for what you both knew was inevitable. your lips brushed gently against each other, making your mind go hazy, and you could feel your body reacting with a force that was beyond your control. the desire to have her to yourself was too strong to ignore.

at that moment, gwen saw your eyes flicker down to her own lips, and before you knew it, she smashed her lips onto yours. what once was a tender kiss, soon turned into a fervent make out.

gwen now fully climbed over you, still using your knees as support to tower over you as she pushed her thigh up to between your legs. she started to teasingly lick your bottom lip, lightly biting and pulling on it while your hands went to the nape of her neck, gripping the small bit of hair you were able to reach firmly. she pushed you further into your mattress with her strong body, pulling her leg up higher until it was met with the clothed fabric of your bottoms. you let out a moan into the kiss as you felt her tongue stroke your bottom lip once again before sliding it in until it was kissing the inside of your mouth. It was as if all the tension, desire, and frustration with the two of you had been building up to this, and now there was no turning back.

as your tongues tangled together, gwen's hands roamed over your body, pulling you even closer and wanting to feel every inch of your warm skin. the way her rough and calloused hands made themself comfortable around, like they were learning every curve and crevice of you all over again made your head go into override. your tongues danced together in a romantic tango, exploring and teasing each other. the kiss spoke volumes without any words. a kiss that conveyed love and safety all at once.

as the moment continued, gwen felt a twinge of pain in her stomach wound. she tried to ignore it, not wanting to break from the spell you had her under, but it was too much to bear.

"ouch," gwen winced, pulling back from the kiss and placing a hand on her lower abdomen. "what's wrong?" you asked, concern etched on your face. you gently moved her hand and pressed your finger tips around the bandages, checking if everything was alright. if you looked up, you would see a small smirk on gwen’s face as she watched how concentrated you looked.

"it's nothing, just my stomach wound acting up," she replied, trying to downplay the pain.

"are you sure you should be kissing me like this? maybe you should be resting instead," you suggested in a slight teasing tone, tucking the short blonde strands of hair on her forehead behind her ear.

“y’know i should,” she agreed, which took you back a bit, “but it's just too hard to resist your face.” there goes your gwen, stubborn as always. you felt your cheeks heat up at her words.

as she started leaning in to kiss you again, you put a finger on her lip. “i”m not trying to hurt you more than you already are,” you told her, worried she was pushing herself a little.

gwen eyes softened as she noticed you were still a little antsy about everything.

"you won't, i promise,” gwen reassured you. she knew she wasn't supposed to be exerting her energy like this, but she wanted to compensate for the fear she brought upon you. she wanted to treat you like how you deserved to be treated. with a sigh, gwen shifted into a more comfortable position, propping herself up with a few pillows. she leaned her back in relief against the headboard of your bed, giving you access to the faint view of her adam’s apple as she stretched out her neck. ‘even at her worse she looks her best’ you thought. she lowered her head, meeting your gaze with half lidded eyes.

“you have no idea how bad i wanted to see you today,” she murmured lazily. “i think i do,” you answered as gwen gave you an ‘i know babe’ look.

suddenly, you felt strong arms scoop you from under your thighs.

“now, where were we?" she asked, settling you on her lap as your legs straddled her sides. gwen leaned in to kiss you as her hands found their way around your waist before tracing circles into your back. you closed your eyes and let yourself get lost in the moment, forgetting about the pain and the worries. gwen's touch was gentle and tender, and as you both continued to kiss, you felt a sense of comfort in her arms.

her hands move to the back of your neck, holding you in place as she explores your mouth, rolling her hips against yours to add to the friction. her tongue rolls against yours as you both rock back and forth, electrified by each other's touches.

gwen pulled back for air, a proud grin growing from one side of her face to the other as she saw the view in front of her. it was you, breathing heavy trying to catch whatever air you can. but most importantly, you were smiling.

“there’s my girl,” she breathed out as the silent room echoed both of your loud chuckling.

gwen moved your shoulder and gently motioned you down onto the pillows next to her as she propped herself up on her shoulder. she looked down at you lovingly before littering your neck with feathery kisses, leaving a trail down to your collarbone. her hands move to your waist, caressing your sides lovingly as she begins to move your shirt up, slowly revealing your body beneath. without warning gwen began kissing from your lower abdomen and all the way up your torso to your chest.

“i,” kiss, “love,” kiss, “you,” kiss.

gwen began muttering i love you’s into your skin with each soft peck. the tingly sensation of the kisses mixed with her chilly breath against your skin as she spoke made you turn into a giggly mess under her.

there was nothing more gwen loved than to see you happy and giggling, especially if it was because of her. you felt gwen smirk against your stomach. that was until she placed her tongue between her lips and blew air onto your stomach, making you sit up and break into laughter. your snorts melted her heart as she kept going to annoy you.

“gwen, you are so damn childish! stop zurberting me-” you gasped between laughs at the feeling, trying to push her away. “do i look like a baby to you? you know i’m ticklish!”

you felt a fuzzy feeling in you chest as you felt gwen relax her head into your stomach, her amused chuckles hitting your skin. "but it's so much fun to see you like this," gwen replied, a despicable glint in her eyes. she blew another zurbert on your stomach, making you squirm even more.

"you're impossible," you groaned, but you couldn't help but smile at her antics. gwen had a way of making you feel better no matter how down or mundane your day is.

"im also your girlfriend," she grinned, finally relenting and snuggling up to you. "and i love making you laugh."

she wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you close to her. "i love you," gwen whispered. "i love you too," you replied. smiling warmly. "but let's make sure you get some rest, okay? i don't want you to push yourself too hard."

gwen's eyes sparkled with amusement as she leaned in to give you a playful kiss. "i wouldn't worry about that," she assured you, a small smirk on her face as she was still able to feel the warmth of your lips on hers. "i'm feeling better already."

you couldn't help but laugh at her boldness, but you were also glad to see her in good spirits. as she held you in her strong embrace, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. your presence was like a lifeline, bringing comfort and stability to the chaos in gwen’s life. it was moments like these that made all the hard work, pain, and stress worth it, because gwen knew that she had you by her side through thick and thin.

A/N: this mierda was so long omg- anyways !! i been working on this for a week but wanted to post my gwen x reader headcanons first. my requests are open and ive already received some for gwen and started working on them so ty guys for the attention and requests im new to posting on tumblr so i appreciate it <33

© 2023 primaviva

[everythingelseisextra]

First Time

Part Ten: Stand Your Ground

Description: After being discharged from the hospital, you and Tommy visit the racetrack. Warnings: Language, brief mention of rape/trafficking Word Count: 2506 Tag List: @ttaechi @theshelbyslimited @weaponizedvirtue @majesticcmey @optimisticsandwichgladiator @zablife @princesssterek @mm0thie @callsignvenus @babayaga67 @shelbydelrey @globetrotter28 @look-at-the-soul

Days turn into weeks turn into a month. As always, you wake before dawn and start your work up in that subliminal time between night and day, simultaneously both and neither. Your work drives you through the day. Eleven horses, each with different needs, different sensitivities, different opinions, and you, the center of their lives. You care for them accordingly. You don’t get days off or breaks, don’t get the chance to catch your breath, to relax, until dusk, when the cab rolls into your driveway to pick you up. You climb in, smelling of horse and sweat and hay, and rest your head back, eyes on the road ahead of you.

The darkening city flows past you, fluid in the falling night, and something like nostalgia washes over you. You remember the girl you loved, her pale green eyes like the hills that surround your home, her naked body trembling next to you, your exhausted bones leaning against each other for support. It was a broken sense of togetherness that came from a godless place, from being surrounded by cruelty and twisted minds. You found each other, and you helped each other, but in the end, you couldn’t save her. Only avenge her. You remember, before you could define the feelings that boiled inside of you, a sense of home, of feeling exactly in place with her, even though your circumstances were unnatural. 

Love, you think, is like most other predators. It tries to warn you before it bites. 

Before you’ve pieced the ragged bits of yourself back together, you’re walking into the hospital and nodding to the woman at the front desk. She knows you now, knows your alliance, knows the only person you ever visit, so she doesn’t have to ask. You reach his room and knock, receiving the answer to come in.This is his last day in the hospital, and the routine you’ve made is about to end, and neither of you will allow the elephant in the room to speak. And you sit and talk, mostly you, with his quiet eyes watching you with a glint inside of them, tracing the outline of your face, memorizing you. There are some days where he talks, and you listen, and you learn about his war in France, and the battles he endured, and how no one wins war, they just survive it. You learn more about Grace, about Campbell, about the guns and the horses. Tommy tells stories as though you’re sitting by fireside, with the flickering gold and orange light on your faces, an aura fending off the darkness, and evokes a life to his words that you’re not used to. You find yourself hanging on each phrase, completely under his spell. 

Sometimes, there’s a holiness to your conversations, your words quiet and respectful, as if so precious that even the air could damage them. Other times, you’re revelrous, and laughter echoes up through the stone walls and bounces around off the slanted ceiling. Days like this lead to nights full of half-reluctant, half-exuberant movement; tossing and turning, standing up to pace, toying with the knife that lies between you, belonging to both of you and neither of you, now. You spend your days working and spend your nights with a comrade against the battle of loneliness, and for the first time in your life, you feel balanced. 

But, days like today, where you’re quiet and reserved, lead to careful, quiet nights. You lay in bed and stare at his bare back across from you. Even though your fear has diminished, he still insists on starting off facing away from you, out of some form of respect, giving you something like privacy. The night curls in around you, chilly and peaceful, and your eyes trace the graceful curve of his back. You allow time to pass, and, when you’re brave enough, you speak.

“Tommy?”

“Yeah?” He responds still facing away from you, but his head tilts upwards, glancing over his shoulder at you. 

“I’ve been thinking about how things change.” You start out slow, then your words cascade out of you, speeding up as you go. “I’ve been thinking about how I used to think I was a terrible person. For loving another girl and for being a victim and for killing a man. I used to think that I had no reason to go on, because I had nothing but skin and bones and muscle and even that didn’t always belong to me. Now I know I was never terrible, I was just fifteen and terrified. Now I think I’m terrible for other reasons. 

“I have this body that doesn’t love me and has never saved me. I have this body that was used against me for years. And I am sorry I was born with it. But I didn’t used to be. When I had her, I used to want to be a body for her. I used to want to give her my shoulder to cry on, used to want to hold her hand as she walked me to the next hotel room or alleyway or basement, used to want to cradle her in the dark. I was thinking about her and it made me realize my body isn’t just for sex, or being abused. But, these days, all I do with it is work. And that made me think of you. Because what’s the point if it’s just work? What’s the point if you’re still being pushed to the brink, even when you’re not supposed to be?”

He’s quiet for a moment before he speaks. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I don’t want to keep autopsying the body of who I used to be. I want to take this new shape and run with it. I— I want to be, unapologetically, without being held back by the fear of scarring myself again.” You take a deep, shuddering breath. “And I want— I want to do this.”

Slowly, with the awkward tenderness of someone who’s forgotten what it’s like to touch another person, you move towards him, hesitant, and lightly drape your arm over his side, so nervous that you barely touch him. 

He takes a short breath, then his hand reaches up to take yours and gently pulls you closer. Your lungs seize and you fight the urge to pull away. Instead, with a streak of bravery you didn’t know you had in you, you bury your face in his back and tighten your hold, almost clinging to him. His bare skin is warm against you, soft and unburdened, not like yours. His hand stays resolutely over yours. 

You stay like that, fighting with yourself, talking back to the fear in your mind that tells you he’ll take it too far. You know he won’t. You trust that he won’t. You will break the habit of being afraid. You will face the gargantuan monster of your past and insist that you will not become it. 

A lump forms in your throat. Your heart beats hard against your chest, and you think he can probably feel it against his back. He’s warm. He’s holding you and asking you for nothing else. His hand tightens around yours, then relaxes, a silent communication; I am here. It’s been years. Only the sun has been this close to you. Only the sun. You close your eyes and a tear rolls out, and you don’t understand it but you think it’s relief. 

“Don’t need to force your—”

“I’ve been thinking,” you say, voice slightly choked. “About what you said. About not having enough time.” 

“And what have you been thinking?” His words are soft, gentle. 

“I think that that makes this more valuable. We’ll never be here again. We’re just a moment, and then we’re gone.” You press your forehead against his back, closing your eyes. “And that’s comforting, isn’t it? We matter so much that we don’t matter at all.” 

“I don’t want to be a moment. I don’t want to be limited.” 

You smile faintly. “Thomas Shelby will live forever, won’t he?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Maybe I will, too. The horses and you and I. Maybe there’s some kind of forever there.” 

There’s a smile in his voice. “You’re dreaming.”

“Yeah, well, I never got to before.” Your breathing evens out, the lump in your throat begins to dissipate. “This is my first time.”

A few days later, you stare at the open stall in your barn, the weak morning light seeping slowly through the rafters. You cross your arms, then turn and head to your house, pushing the door open and going straight to the phone. 

He picks up almost right away and you smile to yourself. “Hey, you up for an outing?” 

“Where?” 

“I still need to keep my promise to you, and I have an open stall.” In your mind, you’re begging him to say yes. You got used to seeing him daily, to spending your nights with him, and you’re starved of his attention. 

“You want to do that today?” 

“Are you doing anything else?”

He sighs. “Charlie asked for me this morning. Not Grace. For the first time.”

You nod. “Spend time with your son. There’s always tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow morning, then.” 

“I’ll see you then. Bye, Tom.” 

“Goodbye.” 

The rest of the day passes agonizingly slowly, and you sleep badly that night, finding yourself in the hazy half-dream state of sticky thoughts and flashing images. You’re grateful when the morning comes, when you can rise and head out in the brisk air to feed your horses. They’ll get the day off from work, a rare treat for them. You’re almost done with their grain when Tommy’s car rumbles towards you. You nod at him, then continue your work. He steps out of the car and comes towards you, head slightly bowed to avoid the fresh brightness of the morning. You look him over once, noting that he’s back to being constantly impeccably dressed, back to the mask of professionalism. 

“You need help?” 

“No,” you chuckle. “I’ve got it. Thanks, though.” 

He watches you as you walk from stall to stall, dumping the grain into the corner bins, the horses calling to you as you approach. 

When you return, his eyes flick over your face, shadowed by his cap. “You spoil them.” 

“I do.” You walk past him, heading towards the car. “They’re the only thing between me and the world, of course I spoil them.” 

He tsks, following you. “Not the only thing.” 

“No?” You glance back at him as you open the passenger door and slip inside. 

“No.” 

You nod vaguely, something like pride welling up in you. “Good to know.” 

He sits down beside you and starts the car, deftly maneuvering out of the craggy driveway. “Pol wants to meet you.”

You let out a short breath. “How fucked am I?”

A small smile appears on his lips. “Depends on the kind of mood she’s in.”

“I can handle a thousand pound animal, but I assure you, I won’t be able to get a word out when she talks to me.” You shake your head. “At least she’s not a man.”

“It would be a tragedy for you to meet a man.”

You grin and look over at him. “Devastating.” 

The rest of the car ride continues in the same manner. You reach the racetrack with a smile on your lips. You’re closer to the city, and the air leaves a residue on your skin, faint smog in every breeze. After you park, you lead the way inside, keeping your head down and on a swivel, and your attention on everything around you. Tommy follows close behind you, his hands in his coat pockets, shoulders back and head held high. You feel safer with him around, braver, more willing to glance up and acknowledge the people around you.

Under the arching gates, you walk into the general area of the racetrack. On either side of you, standards sit sentinel, completely empty, almost ghostlike in the overcast gray. Tommy pauses for a moment, and you notice him take a deep breath, his hands moving slightly in his pockets, flexing and clenching. 

“What?” You stop, turning to look at him. 

He shakes his head, a small movement. “Last time I was here…” 

“You don’t have to tell me.” You step back to stand by his side. “There’s barely anyone here. We’ll be alright. I’m keeping an eye out, too. You’re not on your own.”

He glances at you, then inclines his head, suggesting you move on. You start walking, and this time, he falls into step with you, side by side. 

You reach the stables. You pull one of the workers aside, and, as quietly as you can, explain who you are. She nods, says she’s heard of you, and goes to retrieve her supervisor to bring some horses out. 

There’s a lull. You glance at Tommy. His eyes wander around the track, catching on the wooden standards, the makeshift bathrooms not far off, then to the entrance of the stables. 

You nudge him with your elbow. “Where’s your mind going?”

“Nowhere good.” He looks down at you, blue eyes searching. “Why?”

“What do you mean, ‘why?’” You chuckle. “It matters to me where you’re at. I can tell you’re drifting off somewhere.” 

“I am.” His eyes flick to a few horses, tucked-up waists and gleaming coats, being led towards you. 

“Just… try to be here. With me. Don’t go running off to play with the dead while you still have living to do.” 

He nods, then gestures at the horses. “Let’s take a look.”

There’s a sleek black gelding with a star and four socks, flashy and brave, according to his handlers. He has a bone chip and would require surgery, which you can afford. There’s a bay mare with kind eyes and a blaze, with a deep tissue wound in her stifle, with a daisy-cutter trot and swift, clean legs. You see Tommy’s eyes narrow slightly when a small gray stallion is brought out, pink nose and pale body glistening. He stands with his head and tail up, alert and watchful. He broke his leg, they say, but stayed standing, not so severe as to shoot him on the spot. 

“That one has spirit,” Tommy murmurs as they walk him past. 

“Stallions tend to.” You look up at him, trying to read his expression. “The gelding would be the safer choice. Bone chips are easy.” 

“They’ll shoot him if you don’t take him.” 

You nod vaguely, eyes traveling over the compact white horse, getting an idea of conformation, of sturdiness. Then, your eyes fall on a man at the entrance of the racetrack, and your blood goes cold. You waver on your feet and Tommy looks down at you, confused. You grab his arm to steady yourself.

“We have to go.” Your breath hitches in your throat, your lungs contract, and you pant like a dog. “Please, Tom, we have to go now.”