#and that did not make it hurt any less

[agentravensong]

okay, you all need to read what my playwriting professor just sent me in response to this post of mine, because they have killed me. for context, they first talked more about the thing i mentioned in the tags of that post about when and how guil and ros grab onto people, and then they transitioned into this:

"Maybe an interesting note to their tragedy (and that thought about the connection Rosencrantz is always reaching for, too) is that quote of Guildenstern's: "Words, words. They're all we have to go on." Of course, that's Stoppard riffing on Hamlet's word, words, words (the matter of his subject, but not the subject of what's the matter-- well, they are and they aren't but that's a whole other idea), but it's also such a distinction between them. Guildenstern has words to go on. In love, blood, and rhetoric, he is so firmly linked to rhetoric. 

Rosencrantz isn't married to that, though, when it comes to orienting himself in what seems unpredictable and meaningless (which one has to assume that Hamlet does when you are not, you know, aware that it is Hamlet). Very often, he has actions and that instinct (that he really does go against to his detriment!) and his intuition (which is so visible in the film, I think, particularly in how he haphazardly encounters physics) to go on-- but all that links him back to relying on the intangible. And in the end, he relies on that other intangible thing, his trust in Guildenstern. If Guildenstern is driven by rhetoric, Rosencrantz is driven by love. 

And while there is a tragedy there-- blood turns up, a necessary third-- there is something really lovely in discovering that in the work of a playwright who is so verbose and so analytical, in many ways, words aren't all we have to go on."

i hope you reading this are going as insane over all that as i did.

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I think you might have been a father to me, once.

You used to be more than just another man who hurt me in my life.

Reference pic!

[taikk0]

the unspoken broflovski family curse

[bagel-with-creamcheese]

Has anyone checked on Nicole Piastri?!?

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

[vandalizedheart]

if i may allow myself a monthly Joker Moment, a lot of the harshness i have towards myself tends to be a side effect of how the rpc as a whole tends to operate.

i have a lot of joy and love for the things i create. when i share them in rp spaces here though? sometimes it gets hard to keep loving them, and myself as well.

[starlight---starbrights]

Undertale yellow flowey embroidery

This took about 40 hours, give or take a few

[vaguely-concerned]

going to be thinking about solas' delivery of '...it's awful, what we're doing' approximately forever I think

[heireign]

WHAT TAROT CARD ARE YOU ?

JUSTICE — what would you do to ensure justice? you know full well i don’t speak of lofty ideals and courts and magistrates, dearest. what would you do to those that hurt you? if I dropped them in your lap, what would you do? what kind of pain could you possibly inflict upon them? you are right to do so. you are right to want to do so. ignore the screaming, dearest, you are the hand of justice now, and they hurt you. do not look too closely at their faces, dearest. you are within your rights. you spell out your own rights, now. are you happy about it? are you certain that this is the right person you hold by the hair? does your anger hurt less now?

tagged by: @nonpareil

tagging: @lenfear , @wulfmaed , @oflorien , @belayadeath , @sanctamater , @lcerys , and @zalarys

[angy-grrr]

I try to not be hater, but then I see the stupid takes and get madddddd

This is just what I feel every single time I see those shitty opinions

[sluttyten]

personal rant

[funkypeanutbear]

Hey, hello and so what if

What if a character contemplates their choices, does everything they can right and still the thing that makes everything crumble is secretly their own decisions? just because they could not have possibly seen the whole picture back at the time

What if every choice they make, thought through and through, actually takes them away from that foundational pillar of their life they need to exist in peace? And what if, hear me out, what if (just to add to that), they are good, and kind hearted, and then

what if everything they do in the name of love eventually breaks the same things they strived to save?

What if it's not their fault but their mere nature prevented them from getting the thing they needed the most?

What do we do then?

[arolesbianism]

A mini Meiro ref

[toastspirit]

the ‘every problem I’ve had’ doc is almost at 5000 words and there’s still a lot of stuff I could add. yippee…?

[lemonyinks]

I didn't like Mekt much but I do hate seeing him only utilized as a villain, as if Legion Worlds didn't happen.

Where is the Mekt who admitted that he was wrong to let his loneliness and jealousy dictate how he acted? Where is the Mekt that worked to be better? Where is the Mekt who welcomed Ayla home and put himself in harms way to help her save their parents farm? Where is the Mekt that delighted at the idea of seeing Garth again and was sad to hear he wasn't really coming back?

I don't know. Maybe it's just me but Mekt works so much better as a character of redemption and reconciliation than as one who stays bitter and antagonistic. He's more interesting that way