#and that allows us to work together
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as far as OSes go windows 10 is Not Good but i can't help but appreciate its utter lack of regard for its job. like big retail-worker 1 bad shift away from quitting energy in this software. it'll flash me "Verification Failed" messages and then let me in a second later. the search bar randomly stops working and then starts with 0 fanfare. i have decent gaming hardware in here and occasionally it'll decide that Task Manager is too stressful to deal with and just freeze up. like me too buddy.
#windows 10#bunny blues#we have a passionate hate-hate-hate relationship where the third hate is our job#and that allows us to work together
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I also just realized that we really only get the 7 days before the crash to really see the people Curly and Anya were before the crash. It's not even the full seven days. We get the first two and the last two with a gap in the time for what could have gone down.
I just realized how vague it was and how quickly it all happened. They are such small moments and such short glimpses. She's only just told Curly two days before the crash. The next she told Jimmy and Curly had to confront him. It's further implied right after that conversation, Curly goes to collect himself and figure things out and Jimmy immediately crashes the ship, once he's far enough to not stop him, cause he knows Curly would never truly allow it to happen.
But he takes that as the okay to go ahead, because in the long time he's known Curly, that's always been the okay.
The difference in the gaps in the timeline really just paint a bigger less explained but more obvious picture.
#like im only just really realizing how short that time frame is and we are missing days but i genuienly think the assult happened sometime#between the first two days and the last two days hence the gap in time for ambiguity#I just realized what Curly did was act as a sheild for Anya but it just didn't work. he believed he could#bring her comfort by simply not allowing Jimmy near her by supplementing her tasks and taking over some of her responsibilities#this always worked for Jimmy and he really only uses this as a basis for social interaction with the crew which is like cray cray on its ow#but i digress like he should've done more but man the jump in severity is crazy on Jimmy's part from menacing to the attac#as he likely used the psych evals to measure up his chances like a freak. Not to mention how Curly was just piecing things together when he#realized she never got psych evals like its all so confined im just so wacked out because yeah Curly still could've done way more the momen#he found out but Im also just realzing how short a day fucking is so like damn any way team kill Jimmy with stones and slap Curly till he#makes a better friend go#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#this is just something im really conceptualizing btw like I know the time frame im just actually thinking about it with all the other facto
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Fucked up Taichi Amagi AU you are so important to me
#it's all a3stars rn bc me and Rizo like to be insane TOGETHER. crossover allows for this#I love bullshitting ways for this to make sense.#Taichi says in canon he dyed his hair red in highschool and his baby sprite has black hair BUT#in Taichi Amagi time he got fucking KIDNAPPED for his own good. get him out of that house#but his parents got scared they would find him so they dyed his hair black#he does still bleach and dye it himself in highschool to look cool. he wants to see what he would look like with his natural hair#it ends up pinkish but his parents get so worried about it again that he keeps it this shade and he has to keep the black patch...#bc the black patch will throw people off#ANYWAY. REALLY CONVOLUTED BUT#digital#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#enstars#ensemble stars#taichi nanao#rinne amagi#very stupid but we are having fun over here#also they both use oretchi apparently??#Taichi face like Hiiro hair like Rinne... they are all... idiot#Taichi feels like a middle child anyway. it works out#(coming from a middle child)
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Okay challenge mode. You are a therapist and Eridan Ampora from Homestuck has just walked right out of his intro page into your office. How do you fix him?
put him and karkat in a room with a pile of stuff and tell them they can't leave until they've jumped into it and talked about their feelings
#realtalk therapy doesnt work unless the person getting the therapy puts in the effort to make it work#eridan starts the comic in complete and utter denial that he's in need of help#so there's really nothing i nor any stranger could do about that#HOWEVER he does talk to karkat often about his feelings (and vice versa) and#the reason they didnt hang out during the game seems to be#1) they were on separate teams and didnt realize the teams were the same team until later on#2) by then it was too late and eridan had aggro'd all his angels#3) gamzee was deliberately keeping eridan away from karkat and vice versa (likely bc gamzee had a palecrush on kk)#4) karkat was too busy falling victim to his own insecurities abt being a leader to pay attention to his actual friendships#4a) eg. it shouldve been the time player doing the frog hunt with kanaya & not the blood player#like im not saying moirallegiance with karkat would have fixed all of eridans problems but i am saying#what eridan really needed was a friend who took his problems seriously and could see past his bullshitting#and karkat already WAS that friend - they just never hung out#so by the time the meteor rolls around eridan has spent WEEKS feeling abandoned anxious and alone on his death planet#and karkat has gotten used to not thinking about eridan too much#so karkat - who is basically eridans only actual friend at that point - isnt able to get through to him & eridan snaps#like the thing about sburb/homestuck is that it really stresses the importance of friendship and working together#letting each other help with each others' problems#thats why the smallest viable game is still two people by necessity#so when we see things like gamzee snapping or eridan snapping or vriska snapping#as much as these are the 'fault' of the person snapping they also need to be viewed as comprehensive team failures#the people who should have spent the game together didnt and the people who shouldnt have spent the game together did#vriska was allowed to bully tf outta tavros and nobody intervened#eridan was left all alone and nobody tried to help him#and everybody was mean to gamzee and nobody tried to connect with him#and you know whose job it is to make sure the right people are hanging out together? the blood player#and unfortunately our blood player was so insecure that he was doing jobs that werent his to do#im not saying pale erikar would fix homestuck but i am saying pale erikar is a symptom of things being fixed in homestuck
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Been binge watching X-Files recently and I've always wanted to make a fake Altered Item file cuz it seemed fun
It was fun.
#the paranatural property is that it imbues a simultaneous sense of scepticism and desire to believe#it basically sat in that office for a decade absorbing the emotional resonance of mulder and scully#and it projects a concentrated form of that on people who look at it#which the last bit of redacted text says makes it a useful tool for training FBC agents#cuz it makes them better investigators#cuz scully and mulder were at their best when they worked together :) and the poster gives somebody both their best properties#obviously this isn't very lore friendly#cuz if X-Files and Control existed in the same universe the FBC would never have allowed the X-Files to exist#unless they deemed it a useful tool ig#anyway#txf#x-files#x files#fox mulder#dana scully#frederick langston#federal bureau of control#control#control 2019#control remedy#crossover#possible other anomalous property: the poster makes coworkers have very not-platonic feelings for each other#that they don't act on properly ever#and it drives everybody forced to watch crazy
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Muggle college AU where Harry sneaks into tom’s dorm room (after making sure to drug tom’s water earlier ofc) and takes pictures of him while he sleeps and posts them online. because god fucking dammit, Tom riddle is the most annoying RA that could possibly exist, and he wants a little bit of light revenge.
Harry realizes that “light revenge” may have gotten out of hand around the same time he started stripping Tom, and suddenly he was balls deep in both Tom riddle and a felony. The gravity of the situation did nothing to prevent Harry from taking a video, even though it was just more evidence that could be used against Harry.
#i don’t wanna over-work it so have a barely thought out idea!#tomarry#tom riddle#bottom tom riddle#harry potter#non con#somnophilia#I heart somno if you couldn’t tell#cuz like Tom Riddle is such a brat but he can’t be when he’s unconscious !#I also really like the idea that Harry was convinced Tom was stalking him so of course to confirm this he had to stalk Tom back!#(tom was not stalking him)#(he was too busy figuring out how to get away with another murder)#and so harry decides to finally get revenge on Tom for being an asshole (doing his job and confiscating materials not allowed on campus)#by taking embarrassing pictures of him when he’s at his most vulnerable#the idea was that Harry’d post em online somewhere or use it as blackmail#(harry just wanted to jerk off to em)#but all of a sudden harry is having the best sex of his life (it doesn’t matter that tom’s asleep it’s fine) and he doesn’t want this to be#his only night with Tom#so he leaves Tom all messy and used on his dorm bed with a note telling him to check his phone#which has texts from Harry with the video and pics of their night together <3#he used his burner phone tho ofc ;-3#anyways#Tom thinks Harry knows about The Murders (Harry has no clue about The Murders) and freaks out#and eventually offers to let harry fuck him as much as he wants as long as he ‘keeps it secret’#and so starts a horridly fucked up situationship that Tom can’t leave for fear of his murders being exposed#but also he comes to crave these meetings with Harry#meanwhile harry is like the closest thing to a himbo that a stalker can be#he’s just happy to be here (sexually coercing Tom Motherfucking Riddle)#I have many thoughts
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(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)
apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this
i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either
are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all
something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)
given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??
are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )
(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#idk if others feel like that too but i cant shake the feeling there was something that either went horribly wrong during development-#-or the entire thing was neglected the whole time which is why its so .. i hesitate to even call it bare bones#...which is WILD given that its the supposed sequel to their best seeling zela game#like wtf where you doing#i get that the pressure can be immense but imo it wasnt that hard to make a sequel to thats better than totk#like i think it was harder to make totk like it is NOW bc it scraps and throws away so many things you could have easily used-#-as sequel material#its all so weird to me#my tin foil hat theory is still that they saw the success of the mario movie and immediately shifted everything to make more movies#bc it made so much money#and a movie is easier to make than a good game#so totk or botw2 at the time got the short end of the stick#which is why everything feels like .. so ... bare bones .. untested .. unfinished .. non sensical...#like an alpha build that got enough visual polish to look like a full game when its still an alpha build at its core#some main ideas like the abilities implemented and the basic map layers#mechanics functioning but untested on how it feels to play#like the sage controls and arrow fusing and ... contradictory game mechanics that dont work together#like the bulding WORKS but its clunky and underused- everything can be cheated so easily you dont even feel good cheating-#-bc it feels like the teacher just allowed you to mark your test with a green circle and you still got an A (or however USA grades work)#despite not even reading the questions- why attempt to solve a puzzle if you can just skip it#and how they tell you to be creative with it yet creativity gets punished and only efficiency is rewarded#which completely undermines the entire thing#...theres so much more you know i have ranted about it all before#ALSO rauru and sonia seemed like a rather newly wed couple to me- not one that had multiple kids that never appear-#since it only mentions rauru ..... if its only his then ... that doesnt explain anything bc zelda needs both sonia and rauru dna#................do sonau leave eggs to incubate somewhere heavenly or sth#watch out the springs where built to hatch rauru eggs bc they need the gods holy blessing bc they are oh so holy to hatch
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Still blows my mind the disparity between the Eng and the JP localization of Sonic Frontiers
So in the og English Tails expresses that he needs to part ways from Sonic so he can grow into a hero on his own, right? That he can't grow by being with him?
But like. The director of the game, who worked with Ian Flynn, worked on the JP localization and it's like. You're telling me that when they localized that scene for the Japanese audience
That it was about Tails learning that there are things only he can do? That instead of concluding that he needs to part ways from Sonic and become a hero, he just comes to realizes the ways in which he and Sonic fill each other's gaps? He learns that he already is on equal footing with Sonic. The two of them are just heroes who save people in different ways?
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic frontiers#tails the fox#miles tails prower#unbreakable bond#personally I think that jp localization story fits Tails and the two of them better than rehashing out the 'tails neeeeeds to split from#sonic and become a hero' again#It gives us the confirmation that they're partners who are already growing together and individually#it gives us a better resolution to Tails' character song too#It recognizes that they don't need to be the same kind of heroes for Tails to be a hero in his own right. It recognizes that Tails doesn't#need to be exactly like sonic to be by his side#which again follows up his character song better#Ugh what I would have given to be a fly on the wall during the story work of Frontiers#this is also not the only character story that's completely different despite being on similar topics between these two versions for#the record#It's just. God watching jp frontiers makes me wish that THAT was what they wanted to present to the english speaking audience too#Tails to me doesn't need to be the guy who is never allowed to achieve his goal and finish his growth#Especially since we had years of games with Sonic and Tails as the main protagonists‚ I think at this point Tails has earned his spot at#Sonic's side#He doesn't need to forever chase being exactly like Sonic. Even in the Sonic Adventure games he wanted to grow on his own‚ knowing he#couldn’t stand beside Sonic as a partner if he only pursued being exactly like him#He wanted to get out of his shadow#and to me jp Frontiers recognizes that he already has. it has him and sonic come to a meaningful conclusion#Eng frontiers just tells us he needs to try again.#It's fine if you like eng frontiers for the record I just think Tails deserved better than that#i just be ramblin#Also this is not an opening to talk to me about how much you dislike Ian Flynn. Though I don’t like the story of Eng Frontiers I don't blame#him 100% for what we got
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The past couple days online have been... interesting. I consider myself a leftist, think capitalism is corrupt, and think that it needs to be seriously reformed/overthrown. I admit that while I've thrown around phrases and terms like "burn it all down" and "the revolution needs to come" out of frustration without actually thinking about what a revolution entails: excellent organization, unity, and strategy to defeat the United States, the world's largest military superpower which has inflicted political and social destabilization across the majority of countries around the world. There also needs to be superb infrastructure and community to support the disabled, elderly, and poor populations who rely on government assistance and programs, healthcare, and accommodations while this so-called revolution rages on.
All I've received from the far leftist movement are lectures from condescending intellectuals who rattle off academic citations regarding ideological theory rather than practical, tangible steps to advocate for change in our local and regional communities. I have not seen one of them actually discuss conversations they've had with their friends, family, or Americans about what they want to see reflected for the future of the country. I have not seen one of them discussed how destructive, detrimental and traumatic a Trump presidency was for social prejudice and morale in the United States. I understand that for many marginalized groups they've been living in a facist state for centuries so the possibility Project 2025 doesn't galvanize them to see the two parties differently, but I don't think it is fair to white leftists falsely equivocate the election of both parties for the entire American population at all??? Or like at least specify the issues you're referring to in which you view both parties as the same????? Literally one TikTok creator who I used to follow talked about how true leftists are so much better than liberals because they aren't waiting for a presidential candidate to save the world NOW due to the accelerated apocalypse due to climate change but when asked how to change the world they suggest sharing ideas of your future utopia with other leftist groups. How the fuck is sitting around talking about living in a walkable community is great considered "saving the world now"? How are you going to dismantle and restructure American infrastructure to create these communities? How are you going to remove existing racial and social tensions to create a community where everyone lives happily side by side? Do people not consider reality at all?????
And is it not wrong for people to have a fucking sliver of optimism and hope at incremental change that's achieved within the corrupt bipartisan system of American politics, even if they know it's propaganda??? Is it wrong for people to have a singular fucking moment of relief in feeling like their values, beliefs, and lives will be better protected and THEY can advocate for change better??? Is it wrong when there's a couple months until the most pressing election in recent history for people to make the choice they feel will reduce the most amount of harm???
#literally i've seen some leftists post like the people in the us could never handle the torture that the us inflicts in other countries#like seriously what the actual fuck do you not think most people are struggling here and dying of preventable diseases and being subjected#to hate crimes mental health crisis systemic racism sexism etc.#why the fuck arent you actually helping your community and helping them see how foreign and domestic policy are tied instead of screaming#like so much of this virtue signaling and not being grounded in reality drives me crazy#and im fucking tired of not being allowed to feel happiness about anything unless it's morally socially perfect how the fuck are we suppose#to move the needle if we never fucking feel happy????? like what after your disorganized revolution the way your room is disorganized i can#be happy that i live in a perfect utopia?? NO! that's not how the fucking world works get a grip#i never believed in working within the system but at least other more reasonable leftists have offered tangible solutions to sway politicia#in our favor and retain a little bit of our rights#like this one woman was saying union organizers align themselves with democrats strategically not because they agree with the party but#so that democrats will count on their vote and money and in turn advocate for union rights#like i feel like a far leftist would be like omg how dare you align with the democrats!!! but like honey!!! what the fuck are we supposed t#do??? stick our fucking nose up at the current political system unless we get everything we want to move the party further to the right and#then wake up one day and realize because we were waiting for a perfect system all our fucking rights are gone?????#bffr#i know i am going to lose all of my followers for this post#grace rants#politics#donald trump#kamala harris#joe biden#jd vance#project 2025#2024 elections#also to be clear this is what i feel right now because of the delayed discussion of far-leftism and options and campaigning for candidates#if leftists actually get together and UNIFY and fucking do something i'll consider inching forward to the revolution#but screaming the system is corrupt without giving people solutions or action steps and just giving them severe anxiety is unhelpful
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what's pissing me off most about the election is how many people who have similar opinions are absolutely tearing into each other in search of someone to "blame" for the trump win. It doesn't matter what we could've done differently because at the end of the day it's done. blaming each other and turning on each other is only gonna help the white supremacists who want to run this country. so instead we need to focus on creating community so that we have a network of resistance and care built into our lives. tear into trump supporters all you want but if you are anti trump, if you were discontent with both options, if you were/are whatever, focus on people who share the same ideas as you and how you can build each other up and make your community stronger. that is where revolution begins. not yelling about ballots that have already been cast.
#yes youre allowed to be angry but after this week channel that anger into making change#get off the phone get off the computer#talk to people. organize. make connections. find a community that will support you.#you're preaching to the choir i promise.#im saying this as a union organizer YOU MUST FOCUS ON SIMILARITIES focus on what you want to achieve TOGETHER. my union is in danger as the#-NLRB is handed over to the trump administration. I see people talking about how 'we need to start organizing' then all they do is sit and-#-yell at a screen. if you want to organize then get started.#im tired of people fear mongering and saying we're doomed. we're doomed if you keep up what youre doing. get up. talk to a neighbor. find-#-a friend to lean on. i KNOW you feel helpless. we all do. but for the love of god get up and start putting the work in. we must fight-#-against the system in order to dismantle it.#us politics
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if i finish writing my fic about chilchuck teaching marcille to knit it'll be over for you guys
#pickle pontificates#think about it. i found another extra that references magic warmups btw#that one had hair braiding meditation and hand gestures#but think about it. are knitting/crochet/various other needle arts not very repetitive meditative things???#wouldn't knitting be a great method of magic warmups in place of hair braiding???#marcille uses her hair for magic a couple times and it could be that it has inherently magical properties#but my theory is that hers is imbued with magic because she uses it for warmups all the time#so then it could follow that the resulting knitted items would be imbued with magical properties... dungeon rabbit resistant scarf anyone?#or a fireproof sweater?#why is chilchuck my chosen victim for the person to teach her? well. on my conspiracy wall over here you can see that chilchuck frequently#sits down to sew his clothes/equipment back together throughout canon. i think it's safe to say that he's canonically good at sewing#the only other characters who we see demonstrate similar abilities are mrs. tansu who is a beast at knitting and an icon#and falin. who carries sewing supplies in her equipment (smart) but has frankly atrocious stitching#as can be seen in the comic where she and laios offer to help put marcille's name on her stuff and it's illegible#mrs. tansu really has no relation to marcille#and although falin's bad sewing may have been due to her eyesight (which would no longer affect that) she is canonically also a bad teacher#i think she would try enthusiastically but i do not see it working out#so chilchuck it is.#a fic based around these concepts allows me to further these agendas:#marcille recovering from dungeon lord shenanigans with the help of her friends agenda#chilchuck engaging in reluctant dadly activities agenda#needle arts chilchuck agenda#and... the special bonus i would like to get to... chilchuck reuniting with his wife agenda#and wingman marcille agenda#AND contributing to the dunmeshi platonic fic agenda??? so many wins#there.#now all i gotta do is finish writing it. which is an issue because i have two school assignments due yesterday
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A few little sketches of some possible school uniforms for mage schools/learning centers for magic/etc. :0c Though because Nanyevimi is so scattered and disconnected, it'd actually vary much more by region (like not everywhere would have a cultural concept of what a suit jacket or neck tie looks like lol), so it's probably unrealistic for so many of them to follow too many traditional Uniform Conventions from cultures in our world, etc. But, still, fun to mess around with designs, and think about which would be most fun to wear/what school you'd go to just based off the clothing lol~
#I haven't felt well enough to do anything actually productive lately GRRRR.. evil health issues....#but I can sometimes at least draw while I lay on the floor with a heating pad and etc. lol.. so...#goofy little sketches. Still dislike that the ipad thing someone gave me is either like.. maybe the settings are just off OR possibly the#screen is slightly broken in some regard - so the pressure sensitivity does not work at all. thus all lines are blunt looking#instead of having tapered edges. which I KNOW can be a stylistic thing. like I think it's fine mostly#but sometimes shading looks weird for all of the lines to be the exact same size/width with like no variation lol#though since it's just little sketches it doesnt matter lol but still... hrmm... ever working out my strategy for how to use the ipad for a#art things/if I can ever get used to it/etc.#AAANYWAY... still so uniform obsessed.. and have been since I was a child. Like way before going to middle school and meeting#the people who like anime and get into school uniforms of that variety. I mean like... age 7 before even having any friends#and having zero popular media interests or outside influences that would make uniforms Trendy. but I would see like a 'private school#uniform' on a new story on tv or something or in a book and was just like OUGH... I Should Dress That Way#I used to go to thrift stores and find multiple seperate pieces that could be combined together to look like a school uniform#I had like 4 or 5 different 'uniforms' that I made myself in that way. My first outfit that I was ever allowed#to pick out for myself as my big First Day Of Middle School outfit was literally like school uniform inspired#(maybe mixed with a little goth.. like it was a school uniform sort of look but black and white with fishnet armwarmers lol.. plaid +#stripes pattern mixing my beloved... )#I think it's just the same way that I love apartment buildings because I'm infinitely fascinated with like.. observing human nature and peo#le displaying their psersonalities in little ways and how you can give 10 people the same exact identical space but each one will decorate#it completely differently just depending on their own tastes and reasonnig and etc. I love the idea of everyone in some setting#having to be in one specific set outfit BUT you can tell something about them by the little ways they customize it or what type#of accessories they wear or if they choose to button their shirt fully or not or etc. etc. I like the constraints of 'okay everyone has to#be in exactly the same uniform - NOW. give them their own unique style somehow despite this' etc. etc. like#yaaaayyyy.. I love thinking of little obscure details that convey personality. they have a little pin hidden on the inside of their#hat. their shoes are just like everyone else's but more worn out. they have a necklace barely visible beneath their collar. their tie is#always a little more askew that everyone elses. or even. the uniform is EXACTLY on model entirely clean crisp pristine not a single element#customized or out of place - which STILL tells you something about them. etc. etc.#ANYWAY.. yeahg.. struggling to get anything done these last few weeks so.. blam. poof. alakazaam. scratchy little sketches#of nothing very productive or relating to any other project in particular be upon ye
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My anxiety for math has returned.
#i'm already mentally preparing myself even though I'll probably have to do exam next year#ya'll don't understand me and math don't go well together at all#i first take like 5 min to understand the question ;;;A;;;;#my brain cells cannot proces it the time pressure never worked for me#i hope..... that being a bit older helps me understand it a bit better#but i hate it#mistress blabbling#god i hope they allow me to use pen and paper i hate making notes digital#i'm still so old school
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More misc. daily life pictures and such
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building#3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like#a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given#my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard#to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up#as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets#7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s#o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and#an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi#c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs#of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry#its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing#Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington#also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol#8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle#until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue#photo diary
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By the way, if any of you really want to read and learn about Dante's Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso, Columbia University has a free web course about it.
If you click that link, they have free versions of the text (in the original Italian but also both the Mandelbaum and Longfellow translations) that you can use to follow along with the lectures. They also have pretty extensive commentary on the text as well as galleries and audio recordings to help you understand things better.
It's a really excellent free resource!
#does anyone want to watch the lectures with me sometime I'm considering it#I've been using the mandelbaum translation as I put together these meta posts about malevolent lmao#it's the one I used in school and it's still nice and clear#I like that he didn't try to force the translation into terza rima#that rhyme scheme just doesn't work as well in English and often leads to some somewhat tortured translations#but you can look at the original italian right next to it which allows you to understand the rhyme scheme being used#best of both worlds imo
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for so long all I wanted to do was die but now that I'm older, all I worry about is dying too soon. too soon to experience all the things I didn't give myself time for when I was young. I don't want to spend these years overthinking what time I have left
#[static]#wild how the brain shifts#i want to live i want to experience everything i can and i never thought i'd make it this long#my brain has done a 180 and it's always on the back of my mind (and sometimes the front) that i could die in the blink of an eye#im not scared of death but i am scared of not having lived#my ptsd/ocd combo has been pummeling me lately and i feel like im sometimes at a breakthrough where ive figured out a way-#-to stop being scared ... to just allow myself to live without the what ifs.#i do it in practice but the reality is that no matter how nonchallant and down to earth I appear in real life-#-my brain is picking apart the resolve i've carefully put together for myself#it's like constantly picking at a wound that's begun to heal and i cant get myself to stop#it's Exhausting having to continuously catch ones self from falling further back down the hole your younger self dug#im finally living as the person i always wanted to be and nothing can take that from me even if it were to all come crashing down tomorrow#but im still not used to the stability so that's why my brain does what it does best#what's three or four years of stability to decades of being in fight or flight ... it will take time and it's hard work#but i know with time it will be worth it and i wont remember the dread in the back of my skull every time i experience happiness#i'll just remember the days as they were ... and they are wonderful#just needed to vent for a moment! mental health is such a surly thing
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