#an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi

[icewindandboringhorror]

More misc. daily life pictures and such

[elshells]

Happy STS! Share your favorite piece of meta-lore for your WIPs/books/stories! (by meta-lore I mean, inspirations, how you arrived at your vision, what drove you to form it into what it is today, etc, things like that!)

This is such a cool question, thanks for asking! These are the kinds of things I like to think about ALL the time, and I'm always happy to talk about it!

It's kind of a long funny story. Cue the long-winded flashback!

The idea of Agent Ace actually started out life as a Supernatural fanfiction on Wattpad, though today it's pretty much unrecognizable from what it used to be (I don't even think there are any existing characters atm who are inspired by/reflections of SPN characters anymore). This was about four or five years ago, and although I eventually stopped writing fanfic and abandoned the work as a whole, I was still really drawn to the idea of an urban murder mystery with a twist.

It wasn't until about two years ago that I repurposed that plot for an event on Wattpad called the Open Novella Contest. Basically, if you've never heard of it, annually from February to June, writers are challenged to write a 20,000-40,000 novella and enter it in a series of rounds to be judged by Wattpad staff. I didn't get very far in the contest (I think I only made it three or four chapters in before I hit a wall and missed the monthly deadline), but ever since then this story has haunted me during all hours of the day for the last two years, refusing to pay rent until I complete it. Today, it's basically my heart and soul.

Someone I know once described Agent Ace as a 'spy thriller that dives into the dark side,' and I love that description so much. Though the story has evolved so much since I first began writing it. It's hard to believe, for example, that Sophia, one of the two POVs I follow that fills the conventional 'detective' role, was the original murder victim until I decided to develop her further. It's honestly for the best it's taken me so long to write it; it needs a LOTTTT of time in the oven before it's fully baked, which gives me plenty of time to study my outline (something I never appreciated until I started writing from a dual POV)!

I'm not sure at what point exactly it crossed into the realm of science fiction, but I'm also not surprised. I practically grew up on sci-fi, and it's one of my favorite genres to read and write. The worldbuilding is always so intricate and clever, and the characters are rich and diverse, navigating these unfamiliar worlds so seamlessly, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't influenced by certain sci-fi media. The MCU probably had the biggest impact on the story, and a lot of plot, world, and character elements were inspired by shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Arcane (though I've never played League of Legends), and The Umbrella Academy.

I've also gotta give credit to Marissa Meyer, one of favorite sci-fi authors of all time. Her writing style is fantastic and has really helped guide me in developing my own style. The Lunar Chronicles were obviously influential, but I may or may not have definitely started reading her Renegades series for some pointers in writing about a city governed by superheroes.

I haven't completed writing this story yet, even after two years, but I'm more than halfway done and recently passed 50,000 words (which is generally considered the minimum word count for a novel). It's been such a special journey so far, and I'm really proud of the growth and progress I've made along the way.

TLDR; It was hard to pinpoint one thing specifically, but ultimately, what I thought would be just a gritty, standalone murder mystery novella has become the first novel in what I plan to be a four-book series. There's never a dull moment writing this book, and I can't wait to share it with the world one day.

[furballfaggot]

the creatures have spoken. here is the fully unedited successful recipe, save for a couple extra notes i made when i posted them on discord and some clarifications. additional notes and failed attempts under the cut. please tag me if you make these i wanna know what yall think!!!!!!!!!!!

gio treats mk3 -- unedited recipe, more info at the bottom

goal of gio treats: crunchy, tastes good, bone

mk2 advancements: better texture, somewhat more of a taste, actually a bit crunchy, thick enough to cut beforehand

mk3 goals: stronger flavor, proper crunch

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1 cup cornbread mix

2 tbsp butter, melted

1 tsp onion powder

1 tsp curry powder

1 1/2 cup beef brof (made with 4 bullion cubes) (note: bullion is deliberately spelled billion in the original text)

small amount of any nice herbs (added to broth -- strained out probably) (note: i used bay leaves and parsley just to keep it simple, but feel free to add whatever you want)

egg

pinch of salt and pepper (note: originally typed out as "pincha salt n peppy")

"enough pancake mix to make it stick again"

preheat oven to 375 faggotheit

roll dough onto flat surface and cut into bone

transgender to GREASED cookie sheet

poke 4 holes into each bone with toothpick (mostly for looks tbh)

bake until baked (bout 21 minutes)

let cool until cool (7ish minutes)

serves people*, probably

for storage keep in ziploc bag. for added effect make sure its one of those ones that can stand up on their own when theres stuff in em

for the past week ive been trying to make a human body compatible dog treat of sorts because I Am Dog And I Am Weird. this is the 3rd attempt, which worked out wonderfully. im going to make a thread for the notes ive got about this recipe as well as the 2 rejects from before after i send this message, so dont be alarmed by that. no real editing done aside from this note because i think its funnier this way and i wanna preserve the energy behind the whole endeavor. feel free to substitute anything you want in place of anything here -- the broth and cornbread mix are what give these their flavor, so if you want something that isnt savory you should start there. none of this was based on any preexisting recipes, i just thought of what makes baked things how they are and threw bullshit numbers at the wall for a while

mark 3 original baking notes:

- the cornbread mix definitely fucked with the consistency some. in my defense we ran out of all-purpose flour after the 1 1/2 cups i used

- added 3 bay leaves and a couple shakes of parsley into the broth and didnt strain it. the bay leaves were discarded but the parsley stayed

- number 1 most unsettling feeling in the world: picking used wet bay leaves out of cold beef broth

- pancake mix was used ONLY to get the dough to where itd possibly keep its shape. DO NOT use any more of it than you need to

- something in this batch is making the dough rise. pancake mix? cornbread mix?? self-rising flour i used on the cutting board and rolling pin??? hopefully it doesnt fuck things up too bad either way

- froze the other half of the dough for future use. for What im not sure but for something

- is melting the butter the way to go or should i just let it soften? much to consider. there are many such cases. etc etc

- it looks like they dont rise all that much actually. definitely not enough to be a major issue wrt: if they touch but no verdict on taste and texture just yet

- i will say they definitely *look* better when theyve risen a bit. just aesthetics wise

- im gonna load the dishwasher while these bake

- toothpick doesnt squish and comes out clean after being taken out of the oven. so far so gamer

mark 3 original tasting notes:

- oh fuck yes

- FUCK yes

- FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

- theyre just dry enough, just crunchy enough, and just flavorful enough. fuck YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- the perfect little treat -- not too much flavor, but not too little of it either. just dry enough to dissuade having too many at once and/or to encourage more frequent hydration

- the cornbread mix was the PERFECT addition

- the thinner ones are a little off i will say. a bit burnt i think? but still not horrible

- the beef and herb flavors are just present enough for me

- im gonna be real i was NOT thinking these would turn out so good but im not upset in the slightest. might try and make a sweet version at some point if only so i can use it for my party in july

- mother of god i wish i had an actual tail to wag rn. that thing would be goin at like warp speed. curse this human flesh

- would absolutely KILL with soup. i might make extra noodle soup just for this theory

gio treats mk2

goal of gio treats: crunchy, tastes good, bone

mk2 goal: savory??? strong flavor also. ideally can be cut into from the start, to minimize waste

2 1/2 cups all purpose flour

2 tbsp butter, melted

2 tsp onion powder

1 1/2 cup beef brof

egg

pincha salt

preheat oven to 350 faggotheit

spread onto pan

roll dough onto flat surface and cut into bone

transgender to GREASED cookie sheet

bake until baked (bout 25 minutes)

let cool until cool (10ish minutes)

serves people*, probably

mark 2 original notes:

- dough was VERY sticky. like "put flour on the workspace and the rolling pin or you will have made glue" levels of sticky

- looks like ive got the ratio down for the right consistency to roll and cut into shapes! they were still a little limp when i moved them from the cutting board to the cookie sheet but thats probably easily fixed with a quick chill

- going for a savory approach here. if it works i might see if i cant recreate this with other liquids and spices. and one eggs

- better?

- flavor is less faint than mk1 but still not really all that present. the onion powder didnt really do much tbh

- a little chewy still. tiel suggested cooking them at a higher temp so ill probably try that next

- probably fucks hard with soup though

- the onion powder is kinda overpowering tbh

gio treats mark 1

goal of gio treats: crunchy, tastes good, bone

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

2 tbsp butter, melted

2 tbsp brown sugar

"an amount" almond extract

4 tbsp honey

1/2 cup milk

preheat oven to 350 faggotheit

spread onto pan

bake lightly until just coherent enough to cut into (4ish minutes)

use bone cookie cutters to make into bone shapes (depending on how well you spread them they may be difficult to keep coherent)

bake until baked (bout 23 minutes)

let cool until hardened at least slightly (11 minutes)

serves people*, probably

mark 1 original notes:

- theyre fine. nothin to write home about. not quite what i was hoping for but fuck it we ball

- theyre kinda chewy? i might have made them too thick. or maybe there wasnt a good enough balance in the batter. ill have to work on that next time

- the sanding sugar i quietly added to the batter did nothing for the crunch factor actually

- almond extract is definitely not the right flavor for this one. it bakes into a light and delicate blink-and-you-miss-it taste, but too much and it overpowers the rest of it

- why did i use honey again? flair? prissybitchism? it does nothing

- like, theres hardly ANY almond here. its a ghost within this thing

- maybe i didnt bake them long enough actually. maybe they need more time in the oven

- maybe beef flavored gio treats would be pretty good actually. wonder what they make dog treats out of. im gonna google that actually

- ok im back. milk-bone treats (the ones i like the aesthetics of) are made with wheat flour, meat flavors, and a whole lotta chemicals i dont wanna read rn. so it cant be too hard

extra post-success notes:

- the honey in mark 1 may have actually been detrimental to the treats as a whole. my guess is somewhere along the way they fucked with the consistency and made them so chewy

- "an amount" lol

- i cannot stress enough that you have to grease your baking sheet and flour your workspace holy shit

- can you tell the bulk of these instructions were written super late at night

- the slight rise of mark 3 is perfect actually. makes them nice and airy while still giving them a good crunch

- dont roll the dough too thin!!!!!! they will burn slightly and suck lotsly if you do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- i didnt have to pick the bay leaves out by hand

- but i did

- i was gonna pour the broth out anyways

- i did start a load of dishes and look up what milk-bones were made of when i said id do those things. just btw

- i did actually time those baking and cooling times with the stopwatch feature of my clock app! those are not easy estimates, i actually did those ones right

- if it wasnt for me running out of flour partway through mark 3 i would never have added cornbread mix. everyone say thank you to the flour bag being so pathetically tiny

ive been trying and failing for the past couple nights to make a Human Body Compatible dog treat from scratch and yes i KNOW i can just use my bone cookie cutters on any dough i want to but thats different to me. thats just bone-shaped cookies. i dont want that. what i want is something superficially resembling a milk-bone dog treat but made for people and also not with a buncha chemicals i cant read. ive got 2 attempts under my belt so far and i intend to try more. ill post those drafts eventually

[realcube]

romantic matchup ♡ choose love! — 2k event ♡ @sydneyef7​

♡ ♡ ♡

I’m INFJ and a 2w1. I’m hardworking, determined, passionate, caring, supportive, thoughtful, confident, and independent. I’m the mom friend and I have a really big heart, I’m definitely a giver. I speak my mind, stand up for others/myself, and don’t care what people think of me. I have high expectations for myself, I have anxiety, and I’m resilient. My love language is words of affirmation; physical touch (small acts) and acts of service are a close first. I use them interchangeably depending on the person or situation.

♡ ♡ ♡

honestly i feel like all those adjectives could be used to describe sugawara too, in some respects. so i feel like you two would fit perfectly because sometimes all he needs is someone who understands him, and who he can feel comfortable talking to.

he can speak up for himself, most of the time, but he definitely finds peace in the fact he can rely on you to say something when he can’t, or when he feels to nervous to do so. and he wants you to know that he’d do the same for you. mutual trust is what he find really important. like he wants you to know that you can depend on him, if you ever want/need to.

sugawara’s love language is, based on my personal headcanon i suppose, 60% words of affirmation and 40% quality time. i can’t really imagine him being too touchy, though he does appreciate the occasional act of service — like if you were to make lunch for him or help him with his classwork — and every time he will reciprocate those actions, so he might eventually warm up to the acts of service love language. 

♡ ♡ ♡

I read and bake in my spare time; I’d like to start a garden and learn how to crochet. I like sociology, criminology, coffee, fuzzy blankets, being outside without shoes, history, dancing around, and crystals. I’m passionate about helping people and social justice, along with BLM/feminism/anti Asian hate/lgbtq+ rights/etc.

♡ ♡ ♡

sugawara would definitely insist that you let him bake with you, and contrary to popular belief, i have a hc that he is an absolute menace in the kitchen. so if you do give him a chance and let him bake cookies with you, there is a 90% chance that something will go wrong; anything from them being a little too salty, to the whole oven exploding. 

he wouldn’t exactly consider himself a bookworm, but if you recommend a book to him, he will at least try to finish it. even if it is a 100k slow burn romance :’)

ooh, and if you’re trying to learn how to do those things, you can expect suga to be fully supportive! in fact, he might even try to learn with you; not in a competitive way, but more in a mutual support kinda way, y’know? so that if you are struggling with something, he can help you and vice versa.

out of the things you listed, he’d probably enjoy of them, but especially being outside without shoes on and dancing around, ideally at the same time. he usually wouldn’t engage in something like that, but being with you would definitely make him more free-spirited. (less canon suga and more fanon suga, iykwim).

♡ ♡ ♡

getting lunch/breakfast outside at a café, and walking around a park with coffee/tea/boba afterwards (or instead of food, an art museum. Depends on the person’s interests). 

♡ ♡ ♡

he would definitely take you on the cutest dates to those places, (more so the café than a museum, but he could possibly make that work too) and he’d plan it weeks in advance but try to make it appear as casual as possible.  

he’d also insist on paying for everything — idk i just get those kinda vibes from him — but if you are more stubborn than he is, then eventually he’ll agree to just split the bill.

oh, and while you are at the café he secretly asks a staff member for a to-go bag of blueberries, so you can surprise you with them later when you reach the duck pond in the park. 

♡ ♡ ♡

runner ups: akaashi keiji & yachi hitoka

[2018shawn]

baking in paris | sm

warnings: mentions of smut etc etc possibly swearing?? I also have NOT proof read don't come for me. should probably mention this is an au lol

word count: 2k ish

Summer in Paris was dreamy. The balance of the bright sun beaming down onto vibrant bodies mixed with the soft breeze that forced leaves to scatter down the street was the perfect setting and it was everything you dreamed of and more. Your thin, flimsy blinds were the only thing blocking the heated rays from filtering into your room, mostly because you didn’t want Gabriel across the road seeing your ta-ta’s in process of getting dressed.

Your apartment was simple, a beige and white colour pallet flowing throughout with a touch of fresh flowers ever so often from the local florist down the road from your café. The acoustic playlist was the soundtrack to your early morning, the smell of lemon drizzle cake filling your senses as you washed the dishes, the baking area currently looking like a flour explosion had gone off. The one thing that immediately sold this apartment to you was the double oven and large kitchen island that was more than ample for your baking experiments.

Today was your day off, which was very much needed because running a café in the height of tourist season was extremely tiring, but you wouldn’t change it for the world. As much as you needed the day off, waking up and baking a fresh batch of cakes for the café was your number one priority, because your shop didn’t get its reputation for nothing. It was almost mid-morning by the time you’d finish decorating both cakes, much precision and care going into each. Who said days off were for relaxing, right?

A knock on the door sounded, and you assumed it would just be the little old lady, Camille, across the hallway, who always moaned you played music too loud in a morning. You wiped your hands on the apron that covered your high waisted denim shorts as you padded over to the door, shouting at your device for the music to go down to volume two.

The other side of the door, Shawn stood with a loaf of baking parchment in one hand, his other shoved into his pocket after knocking on the door to number 10. When you swung the door open and stared into his chest, because you expected it to be Camille who was dramatically shorter than Shawn, he laughed and tucked his fingers under your chin, dragging your face upwards.

“Shawn…” You breathed, more than shocked at his presence. “Hi. What… How… Why aren’t you at the bakery?” You asked, because more often than not he did the morning shift in the bakery next to your café, setting up for his boss and making sure the savoury breakfasts were ready to fill tourists’ belly’s.

“My boss came in and it was ridiculously quiet, so I worked on some new stuff and he said I can take a break for a few hours.” He wafted the item he was holding, the smell of fresh, doughy bread overpowering the lemon drizzle coming from your kitchen. “And I would like a professional opinion.”

You offered him to come him, suddenly feeling nervous that he’d only been here twice before and both time you had drunkenly hooked up. He didn’t realise how authentic your small apartment was, but he remembered the balcony in your bedroom and how he’d fucked you over it late one night. You and Shawn were friends, you think, maybe something slightly more but nothing dramatic. Friends with benefits is what you would use to suit your relationship best, although you could count the amount of times you’ve been physically together on one hand. He was a real sweetheart, who moved over here for a breath of fresh air, just like you and that’s how the friendship started. It blossomed furthermore when he got job at the bakery next to your café, which was a bonus for him because it meant he didn’t have to fly straight back home after running out of money, and more so, it was a bonus for you because you got to see him almost every day and you’ve seen a lot worse views in your time.

He complimented the smell of your baking and you suddenly felt bad that he was bringing you goods and you had nothing to offer, so you gave him the bowl of left excess cake sponge to which he happily picked at. He sat down his parcel, perching himself on the bar stool at the kitchen island as you hoped up onto the island itself, your legs swinging over the edge.

“This looks insane!” You exclaimed, pulling open the baking paper to reveal a twisted bread dough, still warm and golden from a fresh bake. “Caramelised onion?”

“And brie.” He smiled, popping a chunk of lemon drizzle sponge in his mouth, enjoying every mouthful. Shawn loved how much you loved food and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him want to be better baker. He pestered you non-stop for a tutorial on your secret cakes and sweets, but if you told him that you’d have to kill him, obviously.

“My favourite.” You smiled, grabbing the two plates and knife you pulled out the cupboard.

“I know,” he took the knife from you, cutting into the bread softly, the outer layer cracking with a crunch but inside softly slicing perfectly. Your mouth juiced as your stomach growled and you became suddenly aware that you were too busy in the thought of feeding everyone else that you had not fed yourself this morning.

“Someone’s hungry” He laughed, standing up from the bar stool and walking in front of you, tapping your knee to usher you to open your legs wider. Once open, he slotted snuggly in between them and your breath hitched at the new contact of your thighs hugging someones hips - not just any hips either, Shawn’s hips. He picked up a slice of bread, which was light work for his massive hands, and brought it up to your lips. You wondered if he noticed your breathing was deeper since he’d moved in between you or if he noticed that you were biting your lip as you adored every small feature on his face.

Truth be told, he didn’t notice; only because he was too busy trying not to act like a complete loser in front of you, even though you’d seen him be a complete dork on many occasions. That’s what made him more endearing, you thought. The simple fact that someone can be so completely nerdy but so incredibly attractive at the same time and you had to remind yourself that he was just here for the summer. Attachment was not an option.

When you bit into the pillowy bread, your eyes closed shut, noting all the small little flavours that he’d added to the loaf, making the experience much more enjoyable than your normal breakfast routine. “Oh my god, Shawn. It’s amazing!”

“You think?”

“Uh, yeah!” you slapped his arm with the back of your hand, opening your mouth again to which he happily obliged, and fed you another bite. “Seriously, I don’t know why you don’t come work for me and we can take over the world.”

Shawn had to bite his tongue; they couldn’t take over the world, he was going home in less that 2 months and as much as he wanted to stay, he needed his home too. He innocently smiled, placing the bread back down on the plate which you stuck your bottom lip out at, feeling hungrier now you’d had a couple of bites. You leant back on your hands, forgetting about the covering of flour on the island behind you, instantly feeling the powdery ingredient under your touch. Your breasts stuck out as you leant backwards, Shawn using every inch of his willpower to not bring his lips down to them, your white bardot shirt revealing the upper half of your chest and contrasting against your tanned, summer skin. Underneath your apron lower down, he could see a slither of denim, and he knew how well you pulled of those exact shorts, even if he hadn’t seen you in them fully today. “Ooo, the thought of me working for you....” he laughed, arms reaching around and resting on the lower of your back in a bid to feel closer to you again. “Telling me what to doooooo...” He sang, pulling his mouth into a suggestive smirk.

“You’re such a sub, Shawn Mendes.” You laughed, throwing your head back, making a brief statement to your sex life and of course, he knew that. He wasn’t submissive, per se. In fact, there’d been a couple of time’s where he’d roughed you around that much you didn’t know if you were sleeping with the same guy. But truthfully, he’d be on his knees for you before you even had to ask and he’d never met anyone who had this effect on him.

He threw his hands up in defensive, only briefly removing them from your body before they returned to behind you. This time, you felt his hands put more pressure onto your body, your denim shorts sliding along the smooth island surface as he pulled you a touch closer. “Can you blame me? Have you seen yourself?”

“Pfft, have you seen yourself?!” You raised your eyebrows, instantly biting your lip to stop yourself from spilling anymore affection.

He stared into your eyes, trying to hold back a smile, “did you just compliment me?” he brought his palm to your forehead, switching in between the palm and back of his hand, “are you feeling okay? what did I put in that bread?!”

You used your body to help you lean your weight foreword, bringing one of your arms around and smacking him in the chest, a smoke of flour filling the air in between you. You had forgotten (kinda), and tried your best to act apologetic, gritting your teeth together as he switched his eyes in between the hand shaped, flour print on his black t-shirt and your -now- barely flour covered palm. Having no time to react at all, he reached behind you and scooped up and left over flour he could see before bringing his hand up to your face, cupping which despite the fact he was messing you up, you leaned into, squirming as he tickled the side of your neck. “You’re an ass, mine was an accident!” you squealed, trying your best to move away from him but his grasp too tight.

“Oh yeah?” he smirked, too concentrated on staring into your eyes to realise you were reaching back round for more flour. With a swift movement you brought your hands in front of you, blowing quickly at the ingredient in your palm. His eyes squinted closed and he screwed up and blew his lips, trying to get any taste out of his mouth.

“Yeah” You innocently shrugged, wiping your hands down your apron for probably the 60th time of today.

Moving closer to you, you laughed at his powdery face, although admired how pretty he still looked. You knew you’d get hell later when he tried to shower the flour out of his perfectly spiralled curls, but it was worth it. His lips hovered over yours, waiting to gauge a reaction from you and although you didn’t give him one, he pressed down onto you, letting out a breath of relief as your features locked. Your bodies were a mess of tangled, floury limbs and whimpering noises as you worked on each other, grabbing at whatever piece of each other you could. You pulled at his black t-shirt, aware you’d already messed it up and he tugged at the string of your apron, letting it fall loose besides your hips. You couldn’t help but think that Camille would soon be banging on your door, complaining of the noise that wasn’t from the music.

—

taglist: @imaginashawnns @fallinallincurls @mendesficsxbombay

[make-me-imagine]

Hello you! Criminal Minds #22 and Star Wars #17 for ships, please, if that is okay? I’m Kylan, 23, female, biromantic asexual, 5’1, redhead with dark eyes, muscular-ish because I do dance (non-professionally though), I'm a museum pedagogue, studied anthropology and archaeology… and one of my greatest talents is once I watch something, hear a song etc. I can memorize it really fast...I like anything historical basically. And also cottage core things. Thanks!

Ships are now closed!

-

Cool! I also went to school for Anthro and Archaeology!!

Notes: I don’t really know what cottage core is but every time I hear that I picture kitchen witches that live in forests lol. And I apologize if anything comes off as uncharacteristic for you, as I may not fully understand the aspects of being a ‘biromantic asexual’. 

Criminal Minds: 

I ship you with Emily. I feel that she would be entirely accepting of anyone’s sexuality and choices and would be extremely respectful of boundaries. She would admire your intelligence, memorization ability, and skills, especially in dance. She seems like she would be interested in other fields and loves to learn things about history, anthro and archaeology from you. 

Prompt 22: Road Trip

“Oh, oh!” you piped up, pointing at the sign on the edge of the highway, expressing you were headed in the right direction.

“Yes!” Emily expressed, having been worried that you had gotten lost on your way “Fifty more miles” she breathed out as she straightened up slightly in her seat, quickly checking the rear-view mirror.

“Can we stop for some food before then? If there is anywhere” you commented.

“Oh yeah, definitely, I’m starving” she smiled, glancing over at you.

“How many museums will you let me go to while we’re here?” you asked after a moment of silence”

She smirked looked over at your briefly “With how often you have to deal with me leaving for days at a time? As many as you want” 

You smiled widely at her “The perfect answer” you mused as she chuckled.

“However, I do have one request”

“What’s that?”

“We stay here more than one night before moving on to the next stop”

You thought for a moment, the only real deadline for what you wanted to do was tomorrow, for the festival, and you were going to make it on time, so there was really no rush after than. “Deal” you said.

“Oh thank God” she commented, as you both chuckled. 

“Do you think this hotel will have a different breakfast menu than the last three?” you asked as you watched the scenery go by.

“Probably not. Almost every one of these hotels has the same dry eggs, croissants, and cheap coffee as the last. But, maybe we’ll be surprised”

“I hope so. I don’t know how many more bland muffins I can take” you said with a smile.

“We could always eat out, that is if there are any cheap restaurants nearby” she commented “We really didn’t think out budget through”

“No, but that’s part of the adventure” you mused as you smiled at each other. Continuing to talk about everything you’d do together while you can. Before you each went off to work again, as busy as ever. 

Star Wars: 

I ship you with Finn. Finn is a sweetheart and respects anyone’s boundaries and choices, and doesn’t really care at all what people chose to be (in a good way). He is adorable and loves that you dance and admires your skills and the things that you love to learn about. He didn’t really have an interest in history or anthropology until he met you, but because they were your interests he looked into them and found term interesting as well. He looked into them because he wanted something to impress you with, like random tidbits of knowledge, but he ended up getting lost in the information and actually learned a lot. 

Prompt 17: Baking Together

“Umm, uh-, hey, how much flour again?”

You peaked back behind your shoulder, unable to see Finn as you got something from the top of the shelf in the pantry “2 cups...why?”

“Yeah...I think I added to much”

Grabbing the sugar you walked back out into the kitchen, seeing Finn standing over the mixing bowl, which appeared to be now full of flour “Wha- Finn, why would you think that was the right amount?” you asked perplexed, but amused as you approached him.

“Well I felt the bag, and it didn’t feel like there was that much left in it, so I thought it might be the right amount, so, I, uh, just...dumped it all in, and, well, it turned out that there was a lot more flour left in the bag than I thought” he scratched behind his ear as he stared down at the bowl.

You fought back a huge grin as you chuckled “Well, now” you handed him a measuring cup “you can scoop out most of that, and make sure there is about TWO cups in there”

He took the cup from your hands “Right, got it.”

About twenty minutes later, a few mistakes, a small food fight, and not to mention the incident with the hand mixer, you placed the baking tray in the oven. Closing the door you stood, brushing your hands together and turning back to the messy kitchen.

“Well. Needless the say, I’m never baking cookies with you ever again”

“What? Oh come on, it was fun! And I’m sure they are going to turn out great!” you said as he took a step closer, not noticing the spoon he had behind his back as he approached.

“I’d honestly be surprised if they turn out edible” you said sarcastically.

“Well that’s rude, But you know what else is rude?” you opened your mouth to reply, but were stopped when he wiped the still dirty mixing spoon onto across your nose, leaving a trail of wet cookie dough. 

“Finn!” you gasped out as he let out a laugh.

You swiped for the spoon, but he moved back faster before turning and quickly leaving the kitchen, you following behind yelling after him. Having not only forgotten to check what time you put the cookies in, but also forgetting to set a timer. Oops. I’m sure they’ll come out fine...

[moonlightstars16]

A Sweet, Sweet Aroma....and IKEA’s Future Death Prelude

30 Days Connverse Challenge

Day 19 ~ Forgetting Something

AN: A apart of this chapter is inspired by @c-atm and our insane story we made up. Hopefully we will make an entire one-shot on the whole thing. Lolz.

We all loose something in life. Keys, phone, our dignity, childhood innocence, self worth, etc. Some we don't get back and some we find again; and some we find only to loose once more. Like a game of hide and seek. Now we have that habit out of forgetfulness. Nothing to be ashamed off but we have done it in one point in life or another. If you haven't..... What are you then? A super human? A gem? Well congratulations you haven't had the soul crushing, heart dropping experience of loosing something important! Only a few ever get this honor. Great Job!

Connie was deep in her studies. Only stopping to make muffins on account of a study craving. It happened from time to time; and her college apartment had the scent of something sweet in the air when that occurred. Which she loved the most. Only this time she wasn't enjoying the amazing aroma of cinnamon baked goodies. But that thought only was in passing since she was more focused on her work. Trying to get it all done before her boyfriend came over for a weekend visit.

Still something inside her sensed something was off. Finishing up the last page of her homework, saved all the files thrice over and put away her schoolbooks, she paced back and forth from the apartment living room. Glancing around she thought of her list of chores she did the day before.

All the clothes were clean and put away. Both the living room and kitchen dining area was wiped down, vacuumed and straightened up from any stray items. The bedroom sheets were fresh and the bathroom was all cleaned up from the dirt and trash.

Sighing she pulled out her phone and looked at her calendar and agendas from the previous days and today. 'I turned that in...did that project... I emailed Patricia about the IKEA plans tomorrow... I did everything on my list.' Looking up she let out a small gasp and rushed over to the sink to clean up the dishes. She wanted everything to be cleaned up and spotless for her sweetheart.

Once all that was done, her door bell rang and she ran to check the peep hole before opening the door and throwing herself into his arms. Making him drop the bags he was carrying. A squeal of laughter emerged from her as he chuckled and held her tight, swinging her around once before setting her back on the floor. Pulling her close for a much needed kiss.

"Ah I missed you so much!"

"Same here Strawberry, same here." With a smile they carried his stuff into the apartment. He paused after only taking one step and stood in silence. A serious expression on his face.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" Setting down his satchel onto the counter he walked towards the oven and opened up the door. Turning to her with a smirk on his face.

"You forgot to turn the oven on didn't you?" His statement more fact than questionable. Connie blushed, setting down his bag on the couch. Looking back and forth between him and the oven. Slapping her forehead a moment later.

"How did you know?" She groaned with her eyes closed.

"Well you texted me earlier that you promised a delicious aroma of baked goods for when I came. But I know you." He spoke turning on the temperature and setting the timer. "You were in a super focused study mode weren't you?" She rubbed her arm with a guilty expression as he walked over and pulled her into a side hug embrace. Kissing the top of her head.

"I made extra from my study snack craving for you tho." She mumbled into his shirt as she stroked her hair.

"I appreciate the attempt. But they might be looking a bit different since they sat uncooked for awhile."

"I'm sorry Biscuit."

"No need to apologize, I know college life is exhausting for you." With that he grabbed her arm and lead her to the living room couch. Pulling her onto his lap, her legs sprawled across him. Lifting the couch seat up so he was fully laying back off the floor. They conversed about his trip and catching her up on his adventures while she told him about how her classes were going. Plus having a surprise attack on IKEA with Patricia later on.

"Wait, you both are actually going to vandalize an IKEA? I thought you were joking!"

"Steven" Her voice serious and low. "That. Place. Needs. To. Die."

"It's not that ridiculously laid out."

"SHH!" She gripped the front of his shirt with a low growl being closer. "Death. Explody and slow."

"Explody?"

"Don't question it."

[alaveii]

OC shits

•Andy watches a lot of dramas(glmms, series, etc.)

•Andrew cusses a LOT

•River is an asshole when he’s hungry

•Liza is a huge animal lover

•Andy and Andrew have a black and white kitten named Nira and a white cat named Polly

•Andy and Tom get into physical fights a lot

•Andrew and Tom verbally fight a lot

•Vincent throws Tom over the table when he looses his temper with him

•Veila had a crush on Dyuna for the entirety of her college life

•Vincent actually lost his temper extremely easily before he started working in the Manor, where he had to actually take anger management and therapy of such.

•Even though Vincent has guns, whips, swords, chains, daggers, scythes, screwdrivers, his electrified hands, bats, and a large variety of weapons at his disposal, he still prefers to use either his pipe or his fists.

•Tom’s a brawler, but he still uses axes and guns.

•Why you shouldn’t hand Tom the AUX cord: He will blast Bubblegum Bitch for the sole purpose of pissing off his brothers.

•Andy is still memey, he just bottles up a lot of his crazy and negative emotions, which usually ends up with a 4-hour crying session every year on April 15th.

•Andrew panics the fuck out every day of April leading up to the 15th due to Andy, Tom, and Vincent already worrying him.

•Vincent stress-bakes every day from March 15-April 30, his stress levels reaching it’s peak on April 15

•Tom stress-works for the entirety of April 15, from 12am to 11:59pm

•Andrew ends up passing out due to worrying too much. And when Andrew worries, he barely eats or sleeps.

•April 15th has been marked “The Worst Day of the Year” by the boys just due to all the stuff that usually happens.

•I can’t pump out anything when I just want to, I can only pump it out when I’ve got freedom and shit.

•Most of the Manor workers tend to dread April 15th just because the boys are usually there to shut up Sophia, but like- nope.

•Most of the Manor workers also usually avoid the Cortez brothers due to how fragile their emotional state is in that day.

•Nobody in the Manor likes seeing Andy cry. They can stand seeing him angry, but not crying because he’s usually happy and reliable.

•”Did you know that KFC is one letter away from being ‘Fuck?’ I came up with a new slogan. KFC, the only thing that’s missing is U.” Guess which brother said this. (Not mine found it on the internet)

•River plays the violin loudly when’s he’s upset or had too many negative thoughts

•Reo’s very protective

•Phoenix is kinda dense

•Elijah blushes easily

•Elijah punches Erica in the face a LOT

•If Orion is mad at someone, he will blast MCR or One Direction in their room

•Orion has trouble flying

•Reo’s always been more protective of Orion because of that

•Orion has raven sized wings while Reo has phoenix sized wings

•Aliya is a Phoenix, Lucius is a Raven, Drake is a Crow

•Reo is a crow, Orion is a black phoenix.

•Orion uses magic the most out of all of them

•Andy has one hell of a crime record

•Reo is a cancer- he’s also a huge softie

•Dya looks kinda intimidating when you first meet her cuz she has a resting bitch face but hen you get to know her and like- she’s the emotional support friend

•Dya was and still is a flower child

•Dya knows with at least half the people in the Manor when they need a hug; at any given point in the day someone is hugging her

•Dya has a lot of online friends/friends in other villages

•Evan is still traumatized by when he got his wings cut off

•Evan’s wings bleed pretty often

•Lucy is insecure because all her siblings are bouncy and happy and distinct but she’s kinda background character

•The Cortez boys adopted a golden retriever named Amanda on April 9, 2020

•Andrew’s anxiety and self-doubt has been been higher recently

•Tom’s depression is starting to kinda transfer to Andrew-

•Amanda is a stress dog for Andrew

•Andy has a VERY DARK evil side he hides from the world, and usually only lets his brothers see as only they have ever helped him with it in any way. What do you expect- he’s been forced into a life of crime when he was TWELVE

•There are a lot of parts of Andy that he himself hates and wishes to get rid of

•Andrew and Vincent both share their love of food with their mother

•I can guarantee you that there will never be a full bottle of honey in the cortez boy’s household

•Andrew calls spicy foods “Traitors to the Tongue”. He has a sweet tooth.

•All 4 of the Cortez boys can cook. Their Mum can cook basic foods, and is always willing to learn new recipes. Their uncle can cook ramen and raviolis. Their aunt doesn’t cook but it willing to. Tom’s kids have never touched an oven(they’re 8, so it makes sense). Alister(the dad) is banned from the kitchen entirely.

•Reo, Lucy, Evan, Tally, and Orion are the only Von Halsing children that can actually cook. The rest aren’t allowed close to the stove.

•River only describes himself as ‘Short bitch that will steal your ficking kneecaps.” That’s it.

•Ryan isn’t fully blind in his left eye, only partially.

[purplesurveys]

718

If you lived in Bikini Bottom, would you befriend Spongebob or Plankton? Obviously Spongebob. I’m there to have a good time and catch jellyfish, not eat holographic meatloaf and make it my life’s goal to steal a secret formula. Do you have any bananas in your house right now? I think we still have some left. My dad bought a pack? a group? a bunch? of them so he can make banana cue and turon for my mom and sister while we’re all stuck at home for the meantime. Which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? Eh I don’t judge this easily since I assume tattoos mean a lot to people but where I’m from, line tattoos are pretty overused. They DO look nice and I get why they’ve been trending for a while, but yeah they’re evvvvvverywhere. Is it easy to distract you? Yes haha I have a rather quick attention span. Do you prefer to drink from glasses or mugs? Depends on the drink. I drink my water from a glass but I prefer my coffee in a mug, that sort of thing.

What was the last thing you taught a younger kid? I don’t feel confident teaching kids just yet, huhu. It usually works the other way around: when I’m with kids, they teach me how to play their toys or whatever game they’re playing on their parents’ phone/iPad. Are the clocks in your house mostly digital or analog? We only have one analog clock. We mostly tell the time from our phones. How long have you had your television(s)? Answered this before but we have two TVs that are 12 years old and two others that were bought within the last decade. Do you like watching movies made with CGI or do you prefer hand-drawn ones? I don’t care. As long as the end product is done well I can enjoy the movie. Where did your parents buy their car(s)? I know for sure the two family cars were bought directly from the official dealers. I think mine was a secondhand one. Do you know why your grandparents chose your mother's name? No. I think they just liked the name. That makes me want to ask my grandma though. What is your favourite kind of soup? Miso is the only one I really like. Have you ever made your own musical instrument? Nope. What do you think of Leighton Meester's singing voice? I only know one song of hers and I reeeeeally loved that when it came out, but I don’t think it’s enough for me to have an opinion for her music altogether. I definitely don’t hate her voice though. Do you think you'd do well at teaching the English language to a foreigner? Yeah, it’s my other everyday language and I’m a little bit more fluent in it than I am in Filipino. How long have your neighbours lived there? About the same time as us, I think. We all moved in at sort of the same time when the village was newly developed. Is it weird to hear your name in movies or TV shows? It’s not a very common name so it does feel a bit weird to hear, yes. It’s weirder if I have to refer to the character in third person cause I never liked saying my own name :/ Why do so many people seem to hate the Jonas Brothers? Am assuming this refers to the Jonas Brothers pre-reunion because I’m sure no one hates them and their new music now lmao. I think, simply put, it was because they were teenagers then, and pre-teen and teenage girls was their main fanbase? Most people liked to shit on that category of celebrities, even today – case in point, Justin Bieber, 5SOS, One Direction haha. What is a store you like that is exclusive to your country? Fully Booked! It’s the most complete, up-to-date, and chic bookstore brand we have. The Fully Booked branch in BGC in particular is a partnership with Starbucks, so you can immediately walk over there to get a coffee and read after buying a book heh. If you attend school, what time do you usually get home after? I always have extracurriculars like org stuff, meetings, or fieldwork after my academic schedule so more often than not I’ll get home by 9 or 10 PM, which leaves me feeling exhausted as fuck at the end of the day. When was the last time you really needed to just let loose? Like two weeks ago? I was bored out of my mind being stuck at home so I chugged a lot of soju that I asked my dad to buy so I can at least be drunk while being bored lol. Have you ever been blackmailed? Kinda. There was a time when I didn’t talk to my sister and didn’t really feel well enough to reconcile with her yet, but my mom threatened to go to our class guidance counselor and expose me and ‘the kind of older sister I am’ if I didn’t make amends with my sister immediately.

This might sound sarcastic but thanks, survey, for reminding me what kind of mom my mother actually was during the years that were the most critical to my development lmao. I always need reminders like this because despite how our relationship has ‘improved’ now that I’m older, I shouldn’t forget the trauma she caused me and the fact that I had always planned to detach myself from her as much as possible once I’m fully independent. I can’t disappoint my younger self by keeping her in my life as if nothing happened.

Do you suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome? No. I keep forgetting what that means. Would you rather have novels based on your life or a series of comic books? Novels, so I’d be more interested to read it. Have you written a resume before, either for yourself or someone else? I did a resumé when I applied for my internship. Did you know that they plan on releasing a movie based on The Smurfs? This survey is sooooooo old hah they’ve made a bunch of films on it already. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to live underwater? Not really. Mostly I’ve just wondered what it would be like to be a creature from the deep sea, where it’s totally dark and most of the animals there look prehistoric as fuck lol. Have you ever worked in a bakery? If not, would you like to? No but this question reminded me of Harry Styles, aw :’) ANYWAY if I did I’d probably take up a job in the office, since I can neither bake nor deal with people on a regular basis even if one argues that bakeries aren’t really particular spots for angry Karens or Barbaras. What is your favourite thing about snow? I like that we don’t get them because it’s bound to make my first encounter with snow in the future magical as fuck. Is there a big personality difference between you and your sibling(s)? Yeah. I tend to adapt to new environments way better than they do and I’m definitely the most extroverted of the three in all aspects.  Do you enjoy decorating things with stickers? Hahahah yes, it’s an uncontrollable urge. I keep my stickers to just my laptop case these days, but back then I used to put stickers on my phone case, my ID case, clipboard, wallet, etc. Did you lose anything recently? Did you end up finding it? I lose my hair tie every now and then; my hair’s a bit short for a ponytail now so my hair tie gradually slips out my hair with me barely noticing it, so it always ends up in random places around the house. I do end up finding it after a while but it gets frustrating whenever I realize it had fallen off again. What colour oven mitts do you have? We don’t really use the oven so we barely use the ones we have. I don’t even know the color of it.

Why do you/don't you watch award shows? Because there are sooo many commercials in the middle of it, some presenters are awkward as fuck and I’d rather save myself from the secondhand cringe, and most of the time the choices for the winners are undeserving and end up pissing everyone off. It’s always easier to just wait a few hours and check the results on Google; and besides, the only fun parts are seeing what everyone is wearing and who attends to begin with hah. What do you think of Ellen DeGeneres as the new judge on American Idol? God this was a lifetime ago. I think I mostly didn’t mind it but I never did get over the replacement of the OGs Randy, Simon, and Paula. Do you ever do the exercises featured in some magazines? No. Have you ever watched What The Buck? What do you think of it? I don’t think I’ve heard of that. How long ago did you switch from cable to satellite, if you did? We didn’t make a ‘switch,’ per se. We had cable in our old home but when we moved to our current house in 2008, having extra channels wasn’t really the priority as moving already entailed a whole lot of expenses to begin with. That meant we only had free TV for a while which was extremely fucking boring, but eventually my dad got us satellite in like 2011 or 2012. When was the last time you partnered up with someone to complete something? I decided to partner up with Andrew for my undergraduate thesis in like August last year. Do you consider Lady GaGa's appearance artistic, or just plain weird? Artistic. What do you usually do when you have trouble sleeping? I put a lengthy YouTube video on so I can fall asleep to the background noise. At least that’s what I do these days - I always thought I needed complete silence to fall asleep, but apparently that’s not the absolute case. What was the last thing you used scissors for? I opened a sachet of 3-in-1 coffee.

Have you ever used some kind of food as a facial mask? Nah I always just use Korean sheet masks. How many USB cords do you have lying around? I personally don’t have any but I do have a hard drive. Are you satisfied with your social life (or lack thereof)? I’m very satisfied with it and I’m glad I got to open up in college. Do you know anybody whose initials spell something? Sure. What is your favourite flavour of Kool-Aid? I’ve never had Kool-Aid. Is there a specific food you think NEEDS to be at Christmas dinner? My grandma’s steak. Would you be able to re-string a guitar? I wouldn’t even know where to buy guitar strings. What TV show do you just assume you wouldn't like? How I Met Your Mother, just because their fans love to make fun of and compare their oh-so-great show to Friends so much when I’ve never seen a single Friends fan make fun of HIMYM like ????? Why the one-sided, unsolicited hate??? I was always planning to watch the show and appreciate Friends and HIMYM at the same time but because the fans are so pathetic I just stopped wanting to watch it altogether. Do your friends have more money than you? Seems unfair to pit ourselves against one another when we’re all still depending on our parents’ money lmao. Who always has the power to make you feel intimidated? Ate Frances has always had a very strong personality. Do you have more bread or cheese in your house? Bread. What was the last movie trailer you saw? Not sure. I don’t really like trailers since most of them give away too much of the plots already. Did you purchase any meat product when you were at the store last? My dad did. Have you ever been told that you have chubby cheeks? Well I don’t, so no I’m not usually told this lol. Do you know how to properly use a saw? Nope. Isn't it a shame that what Kanye West did at the VMA's overshadowed what was supposed to be a night dedicated to Michael Jackson? Hahahaha not really, I found it hilarious and so so stupid. There were a billion other tributes to MJ that year that went smoothly so it doesn’t really matter to me if the 2009 VMAs will always be known as the Imma-let-you-finish VMAs.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The perks of being a human (Thor headcanon)

“Plot”: Thor is having a problem with understanding human technology.

A/N: I'm taking a break from the Uncharted fics bcs I don't wanna fuck up the stories we have started. And I am kinda in Thor kind of mood. Like hello, he's just too funny.

Also, this is like 2012 Thor, okay. Not our pal bro Thor.

Let me address one thing straight okay.

This boi is lost when it comes to human technology.

He's like extremely wtf about it.

But he is willing to learn. So you would be his teacher.

And let me fucking say - you had the fucking time of your whole life.

Bcs you know. He's a God. He knows magic as a science and he's really smart in stuff like physics. But this man can't use a toaster without burning the whole place down.

Listen to me. One time you came to the compound after having a looong afternoon trying to figure out how to clean up the mess after the fight with aliens. And you felt some plastic burning.

"Whatcha doing, Thor?" You smiled but then you froze in one place.

That man shoved the whole bag of toast bread into that poor little machine. And he was acting like a master chef now, clearly very proud of himself and very, very pleased with the whole situation.

"WTF NO." You screamed.

He was sorry for a month. And from that time on, you were afraid to let him operate a single piece of technology in the compound.

And you were like "we can't continue that way man. You're too dangerous for your own good. I'll teach you, ok?"

That's how the whole thing started.

Even our boi Steve knew how to use most of the things. And he was a walking capsule, okay?

Tony went in too harshly, teasing Thor about him being a dummydumdum because he was TrYiNG to make you a good meal and instead he became the source of the danger for all.

Thor almost threw Mjolnir at him.

You started slowly. Phones were basically easy, huh? So you thought.

Boy, you were so wrong.

"Why would I call Stark when he's in the building with me? This doesn't make any sense." "Thor, you would be calling people when you're away from them and you need something." "Why can't I fly to talk with them, eye to eye? Or send a raven?"

This boy couldn't get over that sending a raven isn't a thing on Earth.

He was basically like lmfao but it's the best way to deliver a letter.

And then he was calling you like 24/7. You were on the toilet? There was his face on your screen. You had a serious meeting? Yo bet yo ass Thor called and asked if he can use the oven for bread (he meant toaster). It was three am in the fucking morning? Maaan, Thor wanted to talk.

And let me say.

The computer was the worst.

Just to teach him how to fucking log in. That was a month lasting tutorial. But you managed.

But the internet was the killer.

Like there's so much stuff Thor can do.

But you knew you had to warn him about one particular thing.

"If you would like to watch some porn, just erase your history then or use anonymous, okay?" You asked carefully. You didn't know what he's gonna do on the internet. You couldn't predict his behavior. If someone was completely random, Thor was most like the one. "What is porn? That sound majestic!" He exclaimed loudly and Natasha just choked on her coffee.

She got up and disappeared in a second.

So you went fully in. And showed mister Thor some porn.

And he was horrified. Shocked and terrified.

"What a man and a woman do in the bedroom is their thing. Why would someone put this on a magical place like the internet?"

Man, you couldn't find a single argument.

And by the time you got more and more close to the kitchen, it started to be more and more dangerous.

You started with the mighty sandwich-making machine as Thor chose to call the toaster.

You made sure that you told him a million times that he just doesn't shove a whole bread up there. That's just not how the machine works.

It was quite a trial before he made himself his first good sandwich. He was burning them a whole week even tho you thought that it isn't possible.

And boy, wasn't he just happy about him being a master chef from now on.

The Avengers had sandwiches and toasts for breakfast for two months straight.

That's when Tony told you he should learn how to prepare waffles.

He gladly bought the machine.

And the two other in the row.

Thor couldn't comprehend that when he pours the whole dough there that it just doesn't make bigger waffles. He learned that it will break the machine.

But it was worth it after all. He could prepare the best waffles around after a while. Thor could be really concentrated when he wanted to. He had determination in him.

And he found cooking simply arousing. He loved to cook. He even started to make his own receipts and learned how to bake and cook something on the stove. All by himself.

You were so proud of that happy six feet high giant running around with a chef hat.

Boy... But then you moved on to cleaning machines.

Dude wasn't Thor especially concerned about the vacuum cleaner.

"Where are the hinges, Thor?" Natasha asked carefully when you came home after one long day of paperwork.

You learned that they were actually INSIDE the vacuum cleaner.

Everyone was like WTF, how did he actually do that?

You never knew Thor didn't tell you willingly.

And by the time Thor got to the iron?

You were thinking about buying some new clothes... And all it took was Thor to iron your old ones.

One time you wanted to wear your most favorite t-shirt in the world.

Just to learn that Thor accidentally left the iron on it. So it had a hole directly on your back and your breasts.

But you ended up better than poor Banner.

He had a huge hole in his trousers, so you could easily see his butt.

Thor was really confused about this one, just thinking it's some wicked witchcraft.

Why did you iron your t-shirts, but not your socks or underwear? You Midgardiands were so weird sometimes.

And don't remind me of the first time he tried to wash your clothes for the first time. Thor went into the action all alone. He was thinking about you rambling because the washing machine has been turned on constantly in the Avengers compound.

Because he was a sweet gentleman, he wanted to make your day better. So he decided to do it all by himself.

Oh boy... Wasn't it a disaster?

Banner had his purple tees turned to violet because of your red undies, your bra turned from racy black-white to disgusting gray-yellow, Tony's shirts were on the scale of blue-green-brown-ish and Steve's work out gear turned to be brightly pink.

Again, you didn't have a single clue about how he could accomplish this, yet you were there, just laughing your ass off seeing Steve working out in the girliest top you've ever seen.

You took a million photos of it.

But you needed Thor to learn how to do it.

That boy hadn't got a single idea that you actually wash the clothes depending on its color - white with white, black with black, etc.

He also learned that to make the clothes smell good, he needed to use some chemicals.

He almost tasted them because it smelled so good.

You needed to remind yourself that he is actually from another realm in order not to kill him.

To end it on the positive side, he was a great cleaning lady after all.

He took a lot of chores on his shoulders just because he found it fun to do them.

It was fine to come home to a cooked dinner, vacuumed floors and washed clothes. You found it relaxing.

But you knew that there will be other tricky things he will have to learn about Midgard.

So you took your break while you could to prepare yourself before that shit hits the fan.

[makepunsmaketracks]

Cownies

Original fiction

Girls have a fluffy lil Halloween together. They bake some stuff. It’s cute :)

Triggers: stomach mention maybe? (it’s blink and you’ll miss it)

“Come back here!” Charlie shouted. She was glaring after her friend, but a smile was fighting its way onto her lips.

“Catch me then!” Jo threw over her shoulder.

Charlie did catch her outside the bathroom. The blonde tackled her and firmly wrapped her arms around Jo’s waist. “Can’t get away now.” Charlie mumbled into Jo’s shoulder.

“Oh no!” Jo cried dramatically. “I’ve been captured by the ugly troll!”

Charlie snorted and dug a finger into her friend’s stomach. It was followed by an “ow!” and a swift smack to her arm.

They collapsed on the couch where they had begun and groaned. A comfortable silence reigned until Jo exclaimed, “I’m bored! Let’s make something.”

Charlie had been resting her eyes after chasing Jo around the house for a good ten minutes. She groaned in protest and turned to look at her. “How do you still have energy?”

Jo looked at her with a pout.

Charlie sighed and acquiesced, shaking her head and mumbling quietly, “I can never say no to you.”

Jo’s smile lit up the sitting room as she dragged her friend into the kitchen. “Great! I wanna make spooky brownies!”

Jo rummaged in the pantry while Charlie leaned on the counter watching with a small smile. “We’ve got a recipe somewhere-” Charlie began.

“Nope!” Jo cut her off.

Charlie slowly closed her mouth and raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“No recipe!” Jo had a glint in her eye that twisted Charlie’s stomach into knots.

“No… recipe?”

“No recipe!” Jo shouted with glee. “We’re gonna make an entirely new kind of brownie! A spooky brownie! It will be fun, trust me.”

Charlie laughed at the determination in her friend’s voice. “Okay! Spooky brownies. Thematic. On this, the spookiest of nights.”

“Yes! That’s the spirit...s!” Jo turned to the ingredients she had gathered. “Now… we need…”

Charlie watched her friend ramble on about how if they used more flour that would make it drier but if they put in water would that… etc.

The younger girl hadn’t ever baked without a recipe, but it wouldn't hurt anything to let her friend experiment. Plus, the excitement radiating off Jo was infectious. Charlie could admit it sounded fun.

Suddenly, she had a thought. She turned to the cabinet behind her and reached up to the top shelf. Her hand touched various areas of empty air before landing on a small round container. She pulled it down.

Jo was still talking to herself as Charlie came up behind her. “But this is really dark cocoa, so we need more sugar than with other kinds… what?” Jo smiled a bit self-consciously as she noticed Charlie watching.

“Would these help? With the spookiness.” Charlie held out the container of cupcake liners. There were little ghosts and pumpkins dancing across the bright green background.

Jo’s eyes shined with excitement. “Oh my gosh, yes! These are adorable! I didn’t know you had these!”

Charlie shrugged. “Mom bought them years ago when she had to bake for a work party. We didn’t use all of them, and they sort of just migrated to the back of the cabinet. I just now remembered we even kept them.” Charlie smiled. “So you like them?”

“Yes, I love them! Thank you! This is perfect for the spoops!” Jo cradled the cupcake liners as if it was a nugget of gold. Her eyes were shining as big as the full moon. It made Charlie feel bubbly and light.

“Well, you’re welcome. I guess.” Charlie rubbed her hand on the back of her neck abashedly.

Jo put down the spoopy liners on the counter with the other ingredients and hugged Charlie. “They’re great! Now hand me the sugar. Let’s put them to good use!”

Neither had a great knowledge of baking, so the decision to forego the recipe wasn’t maybe the best idea. But they were having fun, and that’s the important thing. They argued over the amount of sugar to put in (Charlie wanted more, Jo liked darker chocolate), and eventually Charlie conceded to Jo before waiting for her back to turn and adding another half cup to the bowl.

After haggling the rest of the ingredients they thought best for fudgy brownie/cupcakes, they finally got a semi-recipe they were both happy with.

Jo tasted a bit of the dark brown sludge they had concocted. She narrowed her yes at Charlie, who was smirking gleefully, safely on the other side of the kitchen island.  “You added sugar didn’t you.“

“Can’t take it out now!” Charlie cackled.

Jo shook her head and got out a cupcake pan. “Now we are going to use your delightfully spoopy cupcake thingies!”

“Liners.”

“Whatever. Choco-goodness holders!” Jo dismissed, flapping her hands at Charlie.

She carefully separated the cupcake liners for each cupcake the pan would hold. “Hmm. Looks like we’ll only have enough for a dozen.”

“Six for you. Six for me.” Charlie put in. “I don’t know if I could do more than that anyway. Depends on the brow-”

“Cownies!” Jo shouted excitedly, grinning at her inventive name.

Charlie paused, sighed, and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “... cownies.”

“Yes. Cupcake brownies.” Jo said again.

“... fine. Spooky Cownies it is then. What actually makes them spooky?” Charlie asked.

“The holders.”

“... fair enough.”

They decided on a low heat for now and just watch to make sure they don’t spill over. Charlie leaned on the counter across from the oven while Jo sat directly in front of it at her feet.

“I’m really curious how they turned out.” Jo said, vibrating impatiently.

“Yeah, me too. I wonder if they’re edible.” Charlie teased lightly, nudging Jo with her knee. Jo leaned on her leg and sighed.

“I hope so. It would be so disappointing if they weren’t.”

Charlie frowned. She made a fervent wish to whatever gods were listening to make the cownies taste perfect.

“But!” Jo cried, sitting up, “We had fun! And that’s the most important thing!” She smiled up at Charlie. Charlie smiled softly back.

The cownies took about 15 minutes to fully bake. They didn’t even do anything for the first ten. In the last five minutes, they were both getting nervous because they were rising so much. (“It’s. ALIVE!” “Charlie, sit down, they could be ruined!”) But they weren’t ruined. They rose beautifully and settled into their spoopy liners with good grace (for a cupcake).

Jo carefully pulled out the toothpick. It was clean. “They’re ready!” Jo shouted excitedly. Charlie hovered over her shoulder. “Finally! But they have to cool first.”

They were ready to eat sooner than expected. Jo took one and handed Charlie another.

“Ready?” Jo asked excitedly.

Charlie nodded grinning.

They bit into the cownie together.

“...hmm”

“Hmm.”

“They’re not... bad.” Charlie says tentatively.

“Yeah… they’re not bad.” Jo says.

Charlie can see Jo’s lips turn down slightly.

“But they’re wonderfully spooktacular! And I would eat six of them right now.” Charlie reassures her quickly.

Jo smiles softly.

“And we had fun! So that’s the most important thing!” Charlie continues.

“Aw, Charlie. Thank you.” Jo took Charlie’s hand and squeezed. “We did have fun. Thanks for indulging me.”

“It was no problem.” Charlie insisted.

“Still... “ Jo yawned then. “Wanna cuddle on the couch and watch Hocus Pocus again?”

“Heck yeah I do!”

Author’s note: This is the first fic I’m posting on my tumblr, so let me know if you liked it :) i crave validation

[muke-ro-wave]

So recently I’ve been losing weight and I just thought I’d tell everyone what it is that I’ve been doing differently because honestly it’s not that much!!! It’s a slow process but I feel like weight loss should be as it should be sustainable.

I still go to restaurants and fast food places. I still drink alcohol and fizzy drinks.

You may be thinking ‘what the fuck no that’s all wrong’

I believe weight loss should be a lifestyle change instead of a ‘diet’.

Craving chips (fries for all of you Americans)? Fckn great, have some!! But make them yourself - a great way I do this is I cut maris piper potatoes into chip shapes, put them in a bowl with no more than a tablespoon of rapeseed oil that I sometimes infuse with rosemary, then I either put them in the oven for maybe 40 minutes, checking and turning them after like 20 minutes, or I put them in the air fryer for 16 minutes at 160 Degrees Celsius and then I turn it up to 190 degrees for 3 minute bursts to get the crispness!!

Craving pizza? Fckn amazing you go have some, but make it yourself. I’m not sure on exact measurements, but you can make a base in a pan out of just self raising flour and Greek yoghurt (get the 0% fat one)!! Then add toppings you want, but just be sensible with it. Have cheese by all means, but keep it minimal and top it with like cooked chicken or veggies - whatever you want, but just try to keep it healthy!!

Want a glass of alcohol? Yes go you, but try to limit it to one or two medium/small glasses. Or if that’s not possible, limit it to only one day in maybe a 2 week period that you can drink. Just be sensible with it.

Want a packet of crisps/chips? Ooooh go on then, but try to have healthier alternatives to them instead, like maybe baked versions (walkers do some v nice ones!) or like PopChips or something like that. OR you can also make your own (but they’re very fiddly and need to be eaten essentially straight away!). The way to do this is: thinly slice some potatoes, lay some greaseproof paper on a microwaveable plate, and lay the potatoes on it so they’re not touching (or they fuse together), brush with a thin layer of oil (I tend to add a little bit of salt here too) and put it in the microwave for like 30s (it depends on your microwave). Once they’re done, turn them over, another thin layer of oil on each one and a little bit more salt if you want it, and another 30s. You have to keep turning them over after every burst, but within a few minutes you’ll have some crisps/chips and you’ll know exactly what went into them!! You can also look up some other flavours to put on there (e.g. bbq) - they should just be herbs and seasonings so shouldn’t be too calorific but keep it in mind!

Craving a lasagne?? Ooooh go on, we all love a cheeky lasagne, but again, make it yourself! Make yourself a bolognese sauce (maybe use vegetarian mince if you want to be super careful here), make your own béchamel sauce (it’s just butter, flour and milk), and instead of using lasagne sheets, use thinly sliced butternut squash!! I sometimes find that the butternut squash doesn’t cook well in the oven when you’re baking the lasagne, but put it in a bit of water in a microwaveable pot and give it like minute long bursts until they’re soft - they don’t have to be fully cooked here, just enough that they will cook when the lasagne is in the oven. Again, use cheese by all means, but be sensible with it!!

Want to go to a restaurant with friends or get takeout? Go on then, be cheeky!! Just limit it to maybe once or twice a month maximum and try to choose some of the healthier options on the menu! E.g. instead of getting fries, get sweet potato fries!! They’re just as good as normal fries :)))

The other thing I’m doing more of is just walking!! I used to think I was doing a lot more than I was (I was probably doing a maximum of 2.5k-3.5k steps a day on average) until I got a fitness tracker (you don’t have to buy a watch, most phones should have pedometers built in at this stage). I set my daily goal to 3k steps, which I know isn’t a lot compared to the 10k you’re meant to do a day, but it’s a start and it’s a lot more than I used to do! Soon I’m going to raise the goal to 4K steps a day, then 5k and so on!! You don’t need to start at 10k steps a day, work up to it and make it achievable. There’s no better way to become discouraged than to set your goals too high. I just walk to more places now - weekly I have to go into a few cities over and instead of just driving, I get the train then walk around when I’m there. I’ve found that I can get 5k steps in before it’s even hit 10am!!

The other thing is to make exercising fun! Go to a Zumba class, do something that’ll make it fun for you!! Can’t work out every day of the week? You’d have to be a machine to do that! Start with an hour one day of the week, then do that twice a week, three times a week, etc. But make sure to give yourself 2 rest days minimum a week, especially when starting out. Muscles get tired too! And on days where you don’t work out, maybe just try to decrease your carb intake! By all means still have it, but maybe instead of a sandwich with two slices of bread, make yourself a stuffed pitta!! Just as tasty.

The changes don’t have to be major, and it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change, and that’s why it’s the small things that make the differences. Don’t set your goals too high, I set my step goal at 3k because I knew I could do that daily, so every time I checked and I was over my goal, I would become happier for a while because I was proud of myself for doing it!

Dont lose hope, my lovelies. It’ll start working out for you ❤️

[one-hell-of-a-sheep]

i was trying to pick but actually i want literally all @cooking asks

1. Favourite meal/dish to make? Anything new and exciting and impressive heheh.2. How did you learn to cook? Mostly watching cooking show Snapchat stories and getting my dad to help me make the recipes I liked hahah.3. Do you tend to follow recipes or make stuff up as you go? It depends what I’m making. At this point I know how to do enough that I could work without recipes for the most part, but I like them for inspiration and also it is really good for your budget to pick out recipes in advance and tailor your grocery list to them.4. When following a recipe, do you follow it exactly or do you usually improvise a bit? I almost always improvise to get it closer to my taste. Even baking, I play around with flavours and ratios and such.5. Any unique kitchen tools/gadgets/appliances you have that you just “couldn’t live without”? My stand mixer, although it’s hardly unique. Also, candy thermometer, meat thermometer, and immersion blender.6. Something you’ve never made before but have been wanting to make? Oh man there’s so many. Mostly cured meats, I’ve made bacon but really want to try sausage, prosciutto, and so on. Also cheeses!7. Something you’ve made before but have vowed to never make again? Turkey. If you want a fancy bird, eat duck. It actually tastes good.8. Do you have any amusing kitchen disaster anecdotes? When I was figuring out how to make hollandaise sauce, I curdled my eggs three times in a row before I got it right. And then I had nothing to do with the sauce I’d made!9. Do you have any terrifying kitchen disaster anecdotes? One time I was making garlic chicken thighs, and the idea was you pan-seared them and then baked them, still in the pan. When I took the pan out of the oven, I had to move it back onto the heat, and I forgot it had been in the (200C) oven a minute ago and grabbed the handle with my bare hand. I couldn’t fully extend all my fingers for like a month. And then very recently I did the same thing again with braised pork hahaha.10. Favourite ingredient(s) to use? Soy sauce, garlic, and butter (aka the ideal flavour combination).11. Least favourite ingredient(s) to “deal” with? Corn starch, hands down. And also soft tofu.12. Any no-go (absolutely will not use) ingredients? Cilantro, it tastes like soap and I hate it.13. What’s probably the most elaborate thing you’ve made or attempted to make? Peking duck probably? I did something halfway between the traditional version and the super-easy imitation kind, but it was still a hell of a lot of work. Turned out great though.14. Ever had someone try something that you’ve made and spit it out? Nope!15. Favourite dish/meal to make for friends/family? I really like making seafood paellas. The presentation is so beautiful and it’s a really nice communal meal that everyone can just dig into.16. Ever had someone eat something you made and ask for the recipe? Yes! My lentil soup, which is my own recipe so I was really happy about it.17. Any family recipes passed on to you that you like to make? I have been trying to get my aunt’s mother-in-law’s chicken soup recipe for years, but alas, have not yet succeeded.18. Any dishes or staples that you refuse to make any other way than from scratch? Soup stock. Store-bought is weak and bland and flavourless compared to homemade, and it’s inexpensive and absolutely worth the time it takes to make. Also basically any baked confection.19. Ever had to go to a neighbour/roommate/friend/etc. and ask for an ingredient you thought they had? Nope!20. Is there a certain item or dish that you’ve been trying to master but haven’t been able to? Poached eggs. I don’t know how or why, but I just cannot manage to keep them together. It is my greatest failing as a person.

[edgewaterfarmcsa]

CSA WEEK 16

- P I C K L I S T -

Leeks - Lunch Box Peppers - Plum Tomatoes - Cherry Tomatoes - Chives -

Beets - Red Kale - Potatoes - Broccoli

Our beloved farmstand closes for the season on October 11th.  This means you have exactly 11 days to bask in the light of phenomenal heirloom tomatoes, Fall Raspberries, winter squash, warm baked goods, Allie Boeri* and the rest of the badass farmstand crew.  If you can not stand the thought of the farmstand closing, here are some ways to extend your eating season with us.

CSA FALL SHARES STILL AVAILABLE (sign on through the website or in-person at the farmstand) 

Place an order at the farmstand for bulk crops. 

Think: Plum Tomatoes, Herbs, Beets, Onions Potatoes, Carrots, raspberries, winter squash, etc… for Winter storage.  To do so call the number: 603-298-5764

From the Fields to our Freezer to your freezer!  The good folks in the kitchen have been pumping out soups, sauces, pestos, pizza dough, berries, etc for the purchasing and the eating.  Check out the selection and load up with all the frozen meals to minimize cooking while still eating good grown food.  

VOTE.  JK on this extending the 2020 EDGEWATER SEASON with us.  I just assume that if you’ve made it this far in the newsletter, I have your attention.  Vote for the planet, Vote for democracy, Vote for Racial Justice.  Your vote is your voice so eat your beets, eat your kale, drink water, stay focused, tell your friends, make sure you have a plan, and do the damn thing.  Ok, stepping down from my Bushel Box.   FOR MORE INFO:

*ALLIE BOERI:  an actual real life superhero keeping us all grounded and light.  She manages the farmstand, teaches us about plants during greenhouse season, shares in the FALL CSA love fest,  interpersonal communicator extraordinaire and the occasional teller of questionably inappropriate jokes.  We love Allie.

  HOT TIPS:

from The First Mess // SERVES: 4-6

NOTES: I would make this a meal by serving it in a grain bowl-style setup with some cooked farro, white beans, and a big handful of chopped/baby greens per person.-I used (potatoes) and beets, but any mixture of root vegetables you like is good. You’ll need 1 ½ pounds.-If you don’t have za’atar spice blend, that’s fine! Just use salt and pepper. The sauce is super flavorful. ROOTS:

1 lb potatoes, chopped into 2-inch pieces

½ lb beets, (3 medium/4 small) peeled and chopped into 1-inch wedges

1 tablespoon olive oil1

½ teaspoons za’atar spice

sea salt and ground black pepper, to taste

YOGURT SAUCE:

1 cup mixed herbs, packed (I used parsley, dill & basil, chives), plus extra for garnish

1 small jalapeño pepper (do you have some leftover jalapenos from previous CSA week?  If not any hot pepper will work) seeded and chopped (I left some of the seeds because I like the heat)

1 garlic clove, peeled

2 tablespoons shelled and salted pistachios, plus extra for garnish

2 tablespoons olive oil1 tablespoon lemon juice

sea salt and ground black pepper, to taste

1 cup thick yogurt 

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line a 9x13x2 baking dish with parchment paper.Place the chopped potatoes and beets in the baking dish and toss them with the olive oil, za’atar, salt and pepper. Once the vegetables are evenly coated, spread them out into a single layer and slide the dish into the oven. Roast the vegetables for 1 hour, taking them out at the halfway point to stir them up and flip them over.Make the herbed jalapeño yogurt sauce: In a food processor, combine the herbs, jalapeño, garlic, pistachios, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Pulse the machine a few times until everything is finely chopped, scraping down the sides of the bowl with a spatula  if necessary. Add the non-dairy yogurt to the food processor and pulse until the sauce is fully combined and uniformly light green. Check the sauce for seasoning and adjust if necessary.

To serve: Spread the herbed jalapeño yogurt sauce out on the base of your serving plate. Pile the roasted root vegetables on top of the yogurt sauce. Garnish the grounding roasted roots and herbed jalapeño yogurt sauce with extra chopped herbs and pistachios. Serve warm or at room temperature.

From The First Mess (thefirstmess.com)  SERVES: 4

NOTES: You could use chard or actual beet greens for the salad as well. If you only have access to bigger beets, just cut them into quarters or sixths pre-roasting. Some crunchy, toasted hazelnuts would be a nice garnish here too. BEETS:

5 beets: chopped, scrubbed and trimmed

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar

3 tbsp demerara sugar

2 tbsp grape seed oil

salt and pepper

KALE & SALAD:

1/2 cup quinoa, rinsed

1 bunch of curly kale, stems removed and leaves torn into bite-size pieces

2 tbsp grape seed oil

1 clove of garlic, peeled and finely sliced

1 tsp smoked paprika

salt and pepper

handful of pecorino shavings (parm or grana padano would be great too)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Place the beets in a 2 inch deep ceramic or glass dish. Pour the balsamic vinegar and grape seed oil in. SPrinkle the muscovado sugar, salt and pepper around the beets. Cover dish with foil and roast for 30 minutes. Remove the foil, stir the beets up a bit and continue to roast, uncovered, for 20 more minutes. They should be quite tender. Remove from the oven and allow dish to cool.

In a small saucepan, place the rinsed quinoa and 1 cup of water. Add a pinch of salt. Place pot over medium heat and bring to a boil. Simmer for 15 minutes or until quinoa is mostly cooked and the little tails start to pop out. Remove from the heat and set aside.

In a large soup pot, heat the 2 tbsp of grape-seed oil over medium heat. Add the sliced garlic and smoked paprika. Stir around until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the quinoa, a splash of water and half of the kale. Stir around until kale begins to wilt a bit. Add the remaining kale, season with salt and pepper and keep stirring. The kale should all be slightly wilted, but still firm. Take off the heat and transfer kale and quinoa mixture to your serving bowl.

Arrange roasted beets on top of the greens and quinoa. Drizzle salad with the balsamic cooking liquid in the pan (there should be about 1/4 cup of it left). Scatter  the pecorino shavings on top and serve.

[madamehearthwitch]

Pumpkin Pie Recipe

source

Is there anything more iconic for autumn than a witch and pumpkins? Not around here, that’s for certain.

But let the pie summoning of autumn begin!

And I think we all know by now I’m terrible with dates and deadlines, haha. But the recipes are still coming. I personally plan to bake mine on Sept 6, the full moon. The posts and gathering of ingredients are my way of working up the energy and setting the intent.

This weekend I posted my easy pie crust recipe. And for this pumpkin pie we’ll be using the sugar-less version.

Ingredients:

can of pure pumpkin*

2 eggs

dash of salt

1 1/2 sweetened condensed milk**

spices: nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon, ginger***

pie crust (unbaked!)

Alright, apparently everything has notes...

* You want pure pumpkin, NOT pumpkin pie filling. You can also get a sweet (Cinderella) pumpkin and use that, but it’s usually more work than I have time for any time of year I make pumpkin pie.

** This is roughly equivalent to one can of the storebought stuff, which I use for convenience sake (see note about having time). But if you want a recipe for making your own, which I believe I will do this year: https://www.kitchenstewardship.com/recipes/healthy-homemade-sweetened-condensed-milk/

*** Any combination of these spices will work. You can swap out a generic pumpkin pie spice mix, but that only has one use, whereas the individual spices are used in many things. So I tend to avoid premade spice mixes in favor of having a well-stocked spice cabinet.

Method:

Preheat the oven to 425F with the rack in the middle.

In a medium saucepan, heat the can of pumpkin purée. (this eliminates the canned/metallic taste!)

Let the pumpkin cool, then whisk in the eggs, milk and spices.

Pour into the (unbaked) pie crust.

Cook for 15 minutes, then reduce heat to 350F and cook for another 35 min.*

* Cooking time can vary based on your oven, depth of the pie plate, etc. So insert a sharp knife into the pie about an inch or so from the edge. If it comes out clean, you’re done.

Let it cool fully to allow the custard to set.

Enjoy!

Getting Witchy With It

Pies are comfort food. As such, our intentions for the baking of it are less likely to be about getting rid of a cold, or cleansing, and more about the warm fuzzy feelings.

And specifically, for this, we’re focusing on helping to usher in autumn.

The things I’ll be focused on as I prepare it will be thanking Gaia for a bountiful summer and my thoughts of the harvest. The things I want to accomplish before the dark of winter. 

[lovefromruthie]

Butternut Squash and Sage Risotto

Today I thought I would share a different style of recipe with you - I'm going to share many of my secrets and top tips on probably my favourite meal! Italy is definitely the place that has won my heart! If I could afford to go on holiday abroad more often, I would love to keep going there. Right now...nobody is going there though which is a good reason to brush up on your Italian cooking skills! After your first spoonful of risotto, you'll be taken there even if momentarily! I just love this dish - it's romantic, easy to cook, so flavoursome and doesn't require too many pots or pans which is a huge bonus!

Here are my tips - some of them might surprise you but read on and take note!

Use the best quality ingredients:

- Rice, it's the main ingredient. I recommend buying Carnaroli rice over Arborio everytime! Carnaroli is often described as the "king of rices". It has a higher starch content and firmer texture helping to give that bite and texture which is really important for the method of cooking risotto.

-Stock - my preferred brand is Swiss Vegetable Bouillon Powder. You can add further flavour to your stock by boiling it in advance with other vegetables to take on their flavour, such as an onion, leeks, celery etc.

-Parmesan - pleeeease don't be the pre-grated, powdery stuff! Risotto wants your respect! Get a proper block and grate it yourself! Also note, if you are a veggie/cooking for a veggie, sadly Parmesan is NOT vegetarian. Sad times, I do miss it! Italian Hard Style Cheese is vegetarian but lacks a good flavour punch. Tesco's Pecorino is vegetarian (not many others are!). Use other hard style cheeses. On our holiday, there was hard smoked ricotta as a topping and it was absolutely delightful!

-Herbs - keep them fresh and keep the dried ones in the cupboard! ....embrace the garlic (and cheese, nom nom!)

Flavours and Textures - be creative!

-Toasted nuts. I almost always add toasted pine nuts into risotto. They add a really wonderful texture as well as flavour. Toasted Hazelnuts are also a good option but they do have a more distinctive flavour - pair with a saffron or mushroom risotto, for example

-Fresh herbs. Mix these into your actual dish but also add to the top of the dish. It helps create a beautiful presentation but adds fresh burst of flavour. With Basil, I would tear it up and top with smaller leaves. For sage, I would recommend a quick roast in the oven so that they crisp up and top each dish with about three small-medium leaves.

-The main flavour - so I chose butternut squash here. I roast it for 40 minutes, adding some cloves of garlic half way through. Then add it to a blender with fresh herbs. I makes it so creamy, flavoursome and adds colour throughout the dish. I have sometimes also blitzed in soft goats cheese with this too, I recommend!

-Cheese as a topping. Always reserve some Parmesan as a topping to spoon over the top. As your friends gather round, no doubt that little bowl will too! And you'll feel quite sophisticated too! Even more so, did you know you can make Parmesan crisps?! The flavour is so strong, they are lacey in appearance and add great texture

-Don't be afraid to get creative. I haven't pictured it below but with this risotto I love Salty meets Sweet. For a Butternut Squash and Sage risotto, I'd recommend buying a bag of Amaretti biscuits from the supermarkets (the hard ones work best). Crush them, stir a little in just before serving and also top with the small biscuit crumbs.

Luxury and Volume! (Sounds like I'm taking about shampoo...) For something luxurious - towards the very end, once the stock has gone and the rice has cooked, add a generous teaspoon of butter and beat it very vigorously. You could also use cream. When ready to serve, add a ladleful or so of risotto in the bowl and smack the bottom of it! 

My hand looks so large here!

 Method & Finishing touches

I thought I made quite a good risotto before our Italian cooking class but there was something our chef was adamant about it! You know what...I didn't like her method and you won't like it either! I loved the pause of staying in front of the hob, adding a ladleful of stock at a time. She said this was not the way and it was completely the wrong way! Once I tried a bite of her risotto, I knew she was right. The trick is to make sure your flavoursome stock is boiling and add almost all of it in, all in one go! Just try it! But if you find at the end, if looks too thick, add 60ml or so hot stock and stir again.

A good risotto will only take up to 20 minutes to come together (obviously longer for preparation).

Toasting the rice - this is a really crucial step. In your pan, heat the rice, stirring constantly for about 3 minutes or so until the rice is hot and fragrant. If you don't smell it, keep toasting! (Otherwise....you may have a symptom for something else. Just saying).

Finally, make plenty so you can turn leftovers into super tasty arancini!

 If you make this, please let me know!

Love from Ruthie x

My Butternut Squash and Sage Risotto

Ingredients:

1 teaspoon butter

1 white onion, finely diced

3 large garlic cloves, crushed

250g Carnaroli rice

850ml stock (I used 3 teaspoons of Bouillon powder), boiling (plus extra vegetables for taste)

1 medium-large Butternut squash, cut into quarters

4 garlic cloves, to roast (skins on)

Handful of fresh sage leaves

Optional: soft goats cheese, to taste

40g pine nuts

-170g block of Parmesan/Veggie Hard Cheese (you may not need it all - this gets 'shared' across the risotto itself, making parmesan crisps and as topping).

Sea Salt, pepper to taste (I add smoked sea salt to this dish)

Method:

1. First, prepare vegetables and have everything else all measured out. Pre-heat your oven to 185 oC. Lay your prepared butternut squash on a tray, cut side up. Roasting time can vary but will be around 40 minutes. You can tell it is cooked by putting a fork through it and that it is starting to go nice and brown around the edges. Add garlic cloves 15 minutes before end of roasting time.

2. Meanwhile, boil the stock. Once your roasted vegetables are nearly done, prepare the risotto. In a large pan, melt the butter until fully melted and is bubbling. Add the onion and garlic until soft and translucent.

3. Once the onion is cooked, toast the rice for a good 3-5 minutes until hot and fragrant. Then add almost all of the stock, reserving a ladleful in case needed. Stir and then prepare other things, like pureed vegetables. Occasionally stir your risotto.

4. Once the squash has cooked, allow to cool for a few minutes. Then scoop it and place into a blender with the roasted garlic, fresh sage leaves (about 4-6 large leaves), salt and pepper and goats cheese if adding. Blitz until smooth and taste, adding herbs, pepper and cheese if needed.

5. Once you can see the risotto is nearly cooked, stir in the pureed vegetables and several tablespoons of grated parmesan. Taste, add more stock, cheese etc if needed.

6. Whilst the risotto is cooking, make the parmesan crisps/sage leaves/toasted pine nuts. Mix in freshly ground pepper into the grated cheese and prepare a flat tray with parchment paper. Use a teaspoon per disc. Oven bake for about 5-7 minutes until all melted and beginning to harden. Allow to cool so they crisp. Also, rub a little olive oil into some small sage leaves and roast on the tray until they harden. On a separate tray, roast the pine nuts for 7 minutes.

7. Add butter or cream if using, to the risotto, mix in pine nuts. Give your risotto a good stir with a wooden spoon (or even 'lift up' with a ladle).

8. Ladle into bowls, smacking the bowl before serving! Top with parmesan, amaretti if using, roasted sage and parmesan crisps. Serve and enjoy!