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Hate: Part Two
Part two to this fic: Part One
Pairings: Alastor X Reader, (Hints of Angel Dust/Husk)
Warnings: Reader still hates Alastor, Reluctant enemies to enemies with benefits, angst, so much angst, Angel is a good friend, SMUT
Word Count: 5,109
MINORS DNI
Everything was awkward, now. You couldn’t look in any direction without being faced with evidence of his existence. He was absolutely everywhere, and not always in person. His coat folded neatly over the arm of a chair. The spices in the cupboard that he got specifically for when he made dinner. The red radio in the library. His scent lingered in your bed, even after the sheets had been changed twice. The bruises had stayed for weeks, dull green marks pressed into the dimples of your hips.
Sometimes, when he spoke, you had such a visceral, subconscious reaction. Your body would jolt, your ears pricking and swiveling. It was embarrassing how obvious it was, but thankfully for you, the worst was over. Your heat had long ended, and you had made it a goal to avoid ever interacting with him again.
Alastor, being the bastard he was, made it as difficult as possible. It seemed that when you told him that nothing would change, he made it his goal to continue to piss you off as much as possible. He would be outside your door when you woke up on the weekend, and would insist on walking you down to breakfast. If he was at the table, he’d pull out your chair, and dare you to deny him in front of Charlie. (How could you? The puppy eyes she gave you whenever you turned to take another chair could kill someone). So you’d sit, and he’d give you the most shit-eating grin every time. It made your skin crawl.
Alastor would find time to ask you about whatever you were doing. He’d ask insane questions, and he’d follow you around if you tried to ignore him. You’d be talking to Angel, and Alastor would leer over your shoulder, getting impossibly close without actually touching you. You quickly learned how to keep your expression flat, but your conversation partner, often Angel or Husk, would always react, making it harder.
There was one line, however, that he never crossed again. He never went inside your room. On multiple occasions he’d asked, but you’d firmly said no, (if a “fuck no, die,” was a firm no). He’d take your answer, and mosey on his way.
And so you suffered under his strange attentions for several weeks. Charlie did her best to give him tasks to keep the two of you separated, when she could, but he was eerily efficient, all in the name of bugging you some more. Vaggie, on multiple occasions, had offered to skewer him with her spear, but you’d denied, the thought of Charlie’s dismay stopping you.
Angel, nearing his namesake, (not the drug, thank Lucifer), was always close at hand when he wasn’t at work. And one night, seeing how stressed you were, he decided it was time to let loose.
“C’mon babe! You know you want to-”, Angel crooned, swinging the bottle of liquor in front of your face. Husk huffed in the background, shaking his head lovingly. “Come onnnnnnn. Let loose with me, an’ ol’ Husky!”
You roll your eyes with a small laugh, and shrug your shoulders. “Alright, you bitch. Fine. Pour me one.”
Angel pumps two of his hands in the air, and then just hands you the bottle. You stare flabbergasted at the bottle, and he just laughs. “Oh, you can down that straight! I’ve seen you. Don’t even lie to me right now.”
“Fuck you,” you mutter as you take a swig. You immediately wince. Whatever Angel handed you burns like hell, and you can’t help but take a glance at the label to try and figure out what it is. It’s written in French, and unfortunately tastes like licorice. “God, what is this?”
“It appears to be absinthe, my dear,” Alastor’s voice drawls from above you. You jump, nearly dropping the bottle. Your heart is pounding, and all you can think to do is glare at him. His smile wedges wider, and you want to punch his ugly yellow teeth in.
Without responding, you whip your head around and glare at Angel. “You gave me fucking absinthe? What’s the fucking — what’s the alcohol percentage?” You peer down at the label, and struggle to find the percentage. Alastor’s claw taps at small numbers underneath the name.
“74%. Definitely French, although how you got that down here, my friend, I would very much like to know.” Alastor peers down at the bottle with renewed interest, and you can’t help but agree. This is from the mortal plane, and goods from there are rare. Someone had to smuggle it, and there are only so many that have access. You hum, and then the shock hits you.
“YOU GAVE ME THIS? Oh my goodness! Angel! Do you know how much this must cost?!” You rush to set it down on Husk’s bar top, and back away from it. “Dude! Not cool.” Your ears pin back, and you give Angel a light swat. He just keeps laughing, and Husk seems to be joining in.
“Figured you could use the stress relief, kid. It’s all yours.” Husk says it like it means nothing, still cleaning up behind the bar, but your eyes go wide. Husk is so rarely nice like this, and it makes your chest ache. You have friends. You have friends and you absolutely love them.
Your eyes are on the verge of tearing up, but you swallow it down. “Aw, I love you too!”
Angel laughs, pointing a finger at Husk, and hugs you with his extra arms. “We love you too, doll! Now let’s get drinking!”
You can hear a scoff come from the demon behind you, but you ignore it. Who cares what he thinks? You ask for a shot glass from Husk, grab the bottle, and settle in on one of the couches. Unfortunately, Alastor follows, and settles in the armchair across from you. You settle a glare on him, and then pour yourself a drink. You are going to ignore him, you can do this.
Husk and Angel settle on the other couch, and Angel points at you. “We’re gonna play a game! To spice things up. So, tell me toots, what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?”
You cock your head. “Mortal, or down here?”
Angel’s face scrunches up as he thinks. “Mortal,” he decides. No one has really shared much about their mortal lives, so it’s relatively interesting.
“Well, if we’re talking about something I survived, then probably dislocating my shoulder. Most intense pain I had ever felt. Boyfriend had grabbed my armed and pulled a little too hard. But, if it’s not surviving that matters, probably how I died.” You don’t think on it too long, the pain flaring in your shoulder as if it had just happened. It had really hurt, too.
Angel leans forward, and even Alastor’s ear prick up. You try to keep from letting your gaze slide to him. “Ooo! How’d you die? C’mon! Tell me. You’ve gotta!”
Angel’s excitement nearly makes your eyes roll out of your head. Of course, he’d be interested, the bastard.
“I’m not gonna give you all the details,” you start, downing the shot and ignoring his sad ‘aw’. “But I will say, that the other guy got worse. Bet the asshole is drifting around down here.” You can’t help the sour look that passes over your face. You’d been in your late twenties, and some guy went and screwed over everything.
Alastor cocks his head, clearly intrigued. The look on his face tells you he very much wants to ask a question, but is restraining himself. The ‘why’ itches the back of your skull, but you just feel annoyed with yourself. You keep glancing over at him.
“Anyway. My turn. Uh. Husk. How much can you drink in five minutes?” Your face burns, and you just want this annoying feeling to go away.
“We don’t have enough to prove it.” His tail lazily twitches behind him, and his face is the epitome of boredom. You and Angel just blink at him. Laughter bursts out of the two of you, and a smile twitches across Husk’s face.
“Wowza! Was not expecting that to be yer answer, babes.” Angel wipes a tear from his eyes, and leans back. “Your turn.”
Husk hums and glances at Alastor before turning back to Angel. “Would you eat a cockroach for fifty bucks?”
“Wha— no? They’re like, basically my cousins babe! That’s fuckin’ gross!”
Your whole body lurches, desperately wanting to laugh, but your brain is halted, trying to process his answer. A glance across from you, and Alastor’s eyebrows are hitched nearly to his hairline. He glances back at you, and you can’t help it. You laugh so hard that it hurts. Your belly aches, and your ribs have a stitch growing in them. Your ears pin back as you try to calm yourself down, but it’s all so absurd; your friends, the asshole in the room. Everything is just so screwed up right now. (If you don’t laugh, maybe you’ll cry, and that’s so much more embarrassing).
“Sorry,” you start to say, taking a swig directly from the bottle. “Just, thought it was funny.”
All three men in the room are giving you strange looks, and you want to shrink in on yourself. God, could they not look anywhere else?
“Your turn, Angel,” you say, gently prodding him to start the conversation back up.
“Oh! Right. Hey Al, what’s your favorite position?”
You and Husk stiffen, and turn your attention to Alastor. His brows are pressed together, and his fingers twitch.
“What ever could you mean?” You can’t tell if he’s genuinely confused or if he’s annoyed. He’s always so good at shadowing one emotion with another, or maybe you are terrible at reading him, You never could discern between his expressions.
Angel laughs, and waves a hand. “Oh, come on, Al! You know, in bed. What’s your favorite position in bed?”
“Asleep,” Alastor bluntly replies, and it draws a snort from you. His eyes meet yours for a second as his grin grows. You stare at the floor.
“No, no! For sex, Al. What’s your favorite sex position?”
You cringe, and from the corner of your eye, can see Alastor’s leg twitch, shifting when he’s normally so still.
When the quiet pause lasts longer than you thought it would, you look up, and Alastor is staring straight at you. His gaze is intense, and his smile is as close to being flat as it could be, (excluding that night. The line of his mouth, the softness in his eyes), and he’s just staring at you. His brows furrow and smoothen, and the corner of his mouth twists.
“I think I prefer it on all fours.” He cocks his head, and his sharp smile grows wide. His eyes narrow, and you feel like prey, caught in the claws of its demise. Your ears flatten back as he speaks, “I like them on their belly.”
You stand up, setting the bottle down on the coffee table, and point at him. “FUCK YOU!”
Husk and Angel watch on, eyes wide. Angel settles a hand on Husk’s knee, and squeezes.
“Fuck you Alastor! You came to ME! Not the other way around!” You clench your teeth together, trying to force down your shaking. You’re so fed up.
“Wait, what?” You hear Angel mutter, but Alastor is standing up, and it’s all you can focus on.
“Yes, but it was you who needed me. Don’t pretend like you did not like it, my dear! Nothing can change that it happened. There’s no point in pretending it didn’t.” He sounds so calm, and it infuriates you. He doesn’t get to pull this shit with you. You want him down on your level.
“Oh-ho. No. I told you nothing would change. I was EXPLICIT with that fact. I hate your fucking guts. Just because Hell decided your dick was the only one my body wanted, doesn’t change that. You don’t get to just be a goddamn puppy now, constantly begging for my attention! Why are you like that? Stop following me around! I hate you! You hate me! Get the fuck over it!”
His eyes are narrowed, and his ears tipped back. “So presumptuous, ma douce. You think to understand my motives, and you barely understand yours.”
You bare your teeth at him. “You snuck into my room, for my attention. You’re so damn desperate. Is that what this is? You want me to like you that bad, that you’ll fuck me to get it?”
Alastor’s expression screams that he thinks you’re stupid. “Oh, you know nothing, do you, dearest?”
“Fuck you.”
“You already have.”
Angel stands up, setting himself between you. You hadn’t even noticed that the two of you had stepped closer to each other. “Whoa, whoa. Calm down.” He turns to Alastor. “You went to their room? You told me you were leaving for the night!”
Alastor answers without missing a beat. “I lied.”
You want to scream. You pull at your hair, and turn to the side, trying to slow your breathing. This insufferable bastard.
“I’m going to bed,” you finally huff. You take off towards the stairs. You just want to go to bed. Fuck everything. All of them. He makes your head hurt.
Halfway to your room, you notice the static. He’s following you. Great.
You turn around, and glare at him. “What do you want?”
His expression is strangely open. His smile is smaller than usual, and he keeps glancing behind him. Why is his behavior always like this? So back and forth. You can never understand him.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,” He finally says. His brows pinch together, and he opens his mouth, but shuts it again.
“I have. It’s easy.” You lie. It’s such a lie. When you are in bed at night, you can feel the ghost of his hands trailing your thighs, your neck. You can feel him cradle your head as he presses a strange kiss to your shoulder. It’s an ache, but the deep burning hatred is stronger. It burns the ghosts to ash, and it leaves you feeling empty.
Alastor seems hurt by your words, but almost as if he expected them. “I want to do it again. I want—” He stops himself, hesitating. You just want him to get it over with so you can go to bed. It’s all so exhausting. “I want to touch you again, ma biche. I have been trying to get you to spend time with me, so I could bring it up naturally, but I have not been able to find the time or the words appropriate.” He swallows, and shifts, and you can feel his static swell. “I have never wanted someone before. It’s normally an urge that is easily handled alone, but you are different. I want to know why. And I want to get rid of this feeling. It’s hard to concentrate.” He coughs, and avoids your gaze for a moment, before staring back at you.
You fucking knew it. This asshole. Of course, this is what it is. He just wants his dick wet again, now that he’s had you. You scoff.
“Is that all this is for? Are you kidding me?” You frown at him and shake your head. “This is ridiculous.” You take a deep breath. “Will you leave me alone if we have sex?”
His expression twitches, and for some reason you feel like he is about to lie. “Yes, I suppose I can do that.”
You want to scream. You want to drag him to your room. You want to throw something. You settle on asking, “My room or yours?”
The two of you go to your room. He mutters about not having your scent in his room, and you shrug. You’re closer to yours anyway.
When you enter the room, you start to strip off your clothing, anger clouding any shame. You can hear his noise of surprise, but make your way to the bed, ignoring him. Down to your bra and underwear, you sit on the bed, looking over him.
“How are we doing this?” You want to poke at him over his comment from earlier, but decide not to.
“I believe that I would like you in my lap. I’ve been having… dreams about it.” Alastor struggles to say it while unbuttoning his shirt. You quietly watch while processing his request. You’d have to be facing him. Can you do that? Would looking at his face prevent orgasm, or would it not matter? You hum, and nod.
“Alright. No kissing though.” He acquiesces, and settles onto the edge of the bed, shucking off his pants. His briefs are loose, and black.
“Where should I be?” His question is asked softly, and it makes you hesitate to be mean. You decide to just focus on the act, and not who he is. It’s better that way, isn’t it?
“Do you want me riding, or actually in your lap? If you want the former, just lie down. For the latter, sit up, settle against the headboard.” You gesture with your hands, and stand up to remove your undergarments. He eyes your motions as he sits against the headboard. You internally sigh. You really wish that isn’t what he wanted.
He’s still wearing his briefs when you settle into his lap. His legs are bony, and they press awkwardly against your ass, so you wriggle to get comfortable. Alastor’s hands, thin and graceful, and incredibly sharp at the ends, settle on your hips. (You have to beg your mind not to focus on the fact that you’ll likely have a new set of bruises, overlapping prettily with the last set).
Alastor’s head is level with yours, the tall bastard, so you turn yours into the crux of his neck, and sigh. Alright, you’re doing this again. You can do it. It doesn’t matter that you really want to punch him. His dick is kind of nice. You can do this.
You roll your hips against him, starting a gentle rhythm. His fingers squeeze you, and you can tell he’s holding back. His grip is soft, and his thumbs rub back and forth, tracing a lazy pattern into your skin. You take a deep breath in, and immediately regret it. His scent is incredibly strong at his neck. It feels overwhelming, and you have to blink repeatedly to drive the dizziness away.
The gentle rhythm of your hips eventually makes it clear that he’s getting hard. His thumbs hesitate every couple of thrusts, as if the feeling was too much for him to even lazily move his fingers back and forth. His cock rubbing against you, even through two layers of fabric, is kind of nice, you have to admit. Alastor feels nice, and the warmth of him is enjoyable too. You can’t tell if you are trying to convince yourself, or if that is how you actually feel. You don’t get to find out, because his hands grip down harder.
“Can I rock your hips, dearest?” His voice is rough, and the sudden noise makes you glance at him. His gaze is fuzzy, and he seems unfocused. The look wrecks you; he’s being vulnerable, the bastard, and you can barely look at him. You barely manage a nod, but his sharp grin is your reward.
His tight grip on your hips shifts just a little lower, to the crux of your hips and outer thighs. He presses you down onto his erection, and rocks you against him. The easy way he moves your whole body reminds you of the strength in his lithe body. You can’t help the admiration you feel, although it is quickly drowned out by the rocking of your body.
“Ma bichette, you feel so good,” he whispers. He presses you down rougher, and it feels as if he’s trying to slide into you through the scraps of fabric dividing you. “I want to feel you, dearest. I want to fill you and hold you. Je veux vous faire plaisir, mon cœur. You are so good for me, let me make you feel good.”
You rear up, pressing your hands against his chest as your eyes widen in shock. He absolutely pushed too far. That upsetting feeling from your heat is back. You can feel tears pricking at your eyes again. He is being far too nice, but you love it. You want him to make you feel good, want him to call you nice things. The anger that festers in your belly, that ever present loathing is blanketed by desire for him, and you give in.
“Okay,” you quietly reply. Alastor’s eyes flutter, and then he is lifting you up on your knees, and attempting to remove your underwear. You assist him, and then sit back to let him remove his own. You settle back in his lap, your naked sex against his cock. The heat lifts a groan from you. You look at him, take in the mess of his hair, the set of his eyes, and you frown. “No kissing,” you remind him. You can’t let him cross that boundary. You’ve only kissed people you loved, and you hate him. Obviously.
There’s a twitch of his brows, but he assents. His large hands settle back on you. One sits flush against the front of your thighs, and his thumb brushed against the hood of your clit. You gently huff, and roll your hips against him. Alastor’s hips twitch, and he groans.
His touch is perfectly coordinated, his eyes settled on your flushed, and quickly growing wet, sex. His teeth separate, and you can feel his hot breath fan across your face. It doesn’t smell the way you thought it might.
“You are a sight, my dear. So pretty. I want to fill you, and see how far that blush of yours spreads.” His eyes flick up to your face, briefly, and then he's focused on the tight circles of his thumb on your clit.
You don’t have the time to think of a response, because he’s pressing harder. White noise fills your ears, and with a single sharp thrust of his hips against yours, you feel your body clenching down on nothing. Your head tilts back, and your hands reach out, trying to grasp onto anything. You find purchase on his shoulders, and dig your blunted claws in, letting out a cry. You can hear Alastor’s grunt, but can barely focus on it. He just keeps circling his thumb.
“Yes! Ma douce! Cum for me, dearest.” His other hand presses you down against him, and he thrusts up against your wet heat.
You let out a harsh breath, his name slipping from clenched teeth. “Alastor – please!”
He lifts you, just slightly, your thick slick stringing between the two of you, and he uses one hand to guide his cock. “Just a moment, my doe.”
And finally, his erection is pressing into you, your slick letting him slide in with only just a bit of resistance. When your bodies finally sit flush, you both let out sighs. You forgot just how full he made you feel, and it hadn’t even been terribly long.
You take a deep breath, barely making eye contact with him, (how can you? He’s got this expression that’s nigh on impossible to name), and then you lift your hips. It’s that first drag that nearly knocks you over. You can feel his cock dragging against your velvety insides. Even with how wet you are, the friction is overwhelming.
Your breath comes out in stutters, and your thighs shake with the effort to not just drop back down on him. Your hands on his shoulders clench, and then you settle back down. His resulting groan makes you clench. You’re still so sensitive from him getting you off first, so you shake with the effort to keep riding him.
“Dearest,” Alastor says, his hot breath fanning across your face. “Would you like some help?”
You lock your gaze with him and drop on his dick rather harshly, and his eyes flutter. His hands flex, claws lightly grazing your skin. He’s being so careful, and it bothers you.
“What does ‘help’ look like to you?” You ask, your residual anger tinting your words. Are you not going fast enough for his liking?
His hips thrust up, just enough to spear you further, and you rock your hips in response. The heat, the fullness, it keeps knocking the breath out of you. It’s so unfair. You need him just as off-kilter as you are. (But isn’t he already? Your head is fuzzy. You aren’t thinking straight).
One of his hands reaches up and cradles the back of your head, and then the world is shifting around you. Your thighs are slotted over his hips nicely, and the hand that had been holding your head is propping him up. You’re on your back. (How did he do that so effortlessly? He seems so experienced – it’s a thought that suddenly makes you unhappy).
“Worry not, dearest. You were spectacular, but I’m losing my marbles.” He rolls his hips against yours, and you clench your eyes closed. It’s overwhelming. The heat is pooling in your navel, and there’s this fuzzy feeling to your hands and feet. You can practically feel his static scattering over the surface of your skin. “Yes, you are very good, mon cœur. I cannot get enough.”
His words make your eyes open, just a touch, and you gaze up at him. His eyes are already searching for yours, and the soft smile he’s giving you – you feel like you’re going to throw up. How could he do this to you? He doesn’t get to be such a dick, then go on and fuck you within an inch of your sanity while praising you. It’s not fair.
Alastor starts thrusting his hips, his ears bouncing just a little at the effort. He’s on his knees, and the hand on your hip squeezes every other thrust. You can smell the musk the two of you make, and it has you dizzy. It’s a nice smell, but you know it’ll never wash out of your sheets. You might have to just change rooms when all is said and done.
He suddenly shifts, settling further back on his knees, and both of his hands are lifting you up. “Is this alright, my doe?” He asks as he lifts your knees to his shoulders.
Your eyes widen. He’s going to hit spots in you that you’ve probably never felt. His cock is already large, but this position is going to ruin you. However, you just can’t say no. You aren’t sure if it’s the way he’s looking at you, or the fact that you’re barely in your own head. With a rough swallow, you nod.
He pants, and then you’re folded in on yourself, your slit snug against him, thighs cradling his head. His arms framed your head, and his weight pressed down on you. Each breath the two of you took was hard, and they mingled in the space between you. His forehead pressed against yours, and he kept your gaze as he began his rhythm again.
Your hands could no longer be kept in check. What little of him you could reach was quickly grabbed onto for dear life. You were panting, and every drag of his cock had your walls quivering.
For a moment all you could hear was the wet sound of your bodies rocking together, and the harsh breaths each of you took, but then you heard it. He was muttering to himself.
“Al- Alastor, what?” You asked quietly. Another harsh thrust of his hips and you moaned, your mind briefly dragged away from the thought.
“Just singing your praise, dearest.” His left hand lifted just slightly, and his thumb rubbed against your cheek to the rhythm of his snapping of his hips. “You are wonderful. I just adore this with you. You are ever so soft, and tight, my doe.”
You startle, eyes locked back on him. His smile is crooked, and he looks so genuine. That deep, angry ache is back in your chest, and it nearly clouds the lust and the wonderful sensations he’s flooding you with.
“Je te veux. Je ne veux personne d'autre que toi. Je veux que tu aies envie de moi. Pourquoi ne le fais-tu pas?” He whispers to you in words you cant understand, but his eyes are fuzzy, and his smile is small, and soft. Alastor cups your face ever so softly, and he rocks his hips roughly against yours.
Suddenly the pace he sets is incredibly fast, and you can feel that tightness building again. You scratch at him, barely able to get air into your lungs. You can’t focus on much more than the deep heat beneath your navel, and the furrow of his brows. (Some small part of you wants to ease it with your fingers).
His grip on your face tightens a smidgen, and then he rolls his hip and takes his right hand to rub at your clit. His thumb is in tight circles again, and he’s clenching his teeth and all your limbs go tingly and–
Everything is white-hot. There are lightning bolts zipping down your spine, making your back arch. Your mouth is open, but the buzzing in your ears makes it impossible to tell if you’re making any noise.
He’s still moving, but he’s reaching for your face, too. He cups it, his large hands holding you still as his cock continues slamming into you. Alastor is muttering again, but you can only tell from the movement of his lips. His mouth opens, a harsh pant leaving him before his body stills suddenly. His teeth clack shut, and he curls into you, the head of his cock brushing your cervix. You’re still dealing with the aftershocks of your orgasm, and can barely comprehend the feeling. It’s nearly too much.
He’s breathing hard, and he just barely sits back.
“Thank you,” he whispers. His thumb brushes the skin just underneath your eyes, and there is a wistful smile on his face. He seems so far away, and you can’t comprehend why. Isn’t this what he wanted?
You’re about to ask when he slots his lips over yours. He’s warm, and his lips are soft. It only lasts a moment, and then he’s gone.
You’re left empty, messy, and alone.
You sit up in the darkness of your room, glancing around.
“Alastor?”
I will post on my blog, giving an update. Feel free to check it out if you're wondering what's been so long.
#alastor x reader#hazbin hotel fanfiction#fanfic#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel#alastor#bun's short fics#alastor fanfiction#alastor x reader smut#hazbin hotel smut#Bun's Smut Fics
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Hi Mark,
My name is Isaac Holguin. I sent a detailed email regarding your work on the color pie over the years to [email protected]. I hope that is the correct avenue to reach out to you. I had the pleasure of being answered on this blog as well, so I thought I'd double check by contacting you here. In case the email listed isn't in service anymore, I've copied my message below. I hope this reaches you and that you're doing well. If you're able, I'd love to hear back at [email protected]. Thanks for all you do!
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Hello Mr. Rosewater,
My name is Isaac Holguin and I'm a nurse studying leadership and education in Tucson, Arizona. Before I get into the topic of my email, I'd just like to say thank you for being a spokesperson for Magic the Gathering all these years! I've played the game since I was thirteen years old, all through college, and well into my career. Magic the Gathering has helped me make new friends and deepen bonds with people I already had in my life. Though I've stopped participating in recent years, the game will always hold a special place in my heart and I've still got an Alpha Serra Angel that is as old as I am!
One of the best memories I have from my time with Magic was diving into the color wheel breakdown series from your "Drive to Work" podcast. During my pursuit of a Bachelors in Nursing Science, I often cited the color wheel as a tool to determine personality traits and compared it to other topics in my studies. Now that I'm pursuing my Master's degree in Nursing Education, I'm interested to see if there were any references or inspirations for the development of the color pie. With the recent popularity of the Myers-Briggs assessment (16 Personalities), Ten Faces of Innovation, and other similar tools I'd like to try and adapt the color pie as a leadership/personality assessment. I understand there will be multiple steps involved to publish such a study with respect to Hasbro and Magic the Gathering as a company, but I would like to attempt to lay the foundation of this project during my studies.
The goal of this project would be to introduce an existing, incredible, fun, and easy to use tool to a vast new audience. Helping others acknowledge that all aspects of the personalities presented exist within them to some degree and can evolve over time has become a core belief for me both personally and professionally. Examples of "your greatest weakness is your greatest strength pushed too far" and the idea that the capacity for good and evil exists in any aspect of a personality are incredible insights that I haven't seen cited enough throughout my studies. My wildest hope is that this tool would be utilized in coursework for multiple professions, similar to the curriculum I'm studying now, to help future leaders reflect on their strengths and develop effective leadership styles.
In short, I hope that you're doing well and would love to hear your insights, recommendations, and references for the work you've so passionately brought to thousands of others of the years. Even if you're unable to share certain aspects of your work, I'd like you to know that your endeavors have not only brought relief and happiness to healthcare workers like me, but that you've inspired so many others to apply the lessons of fictional works to improve our reality. The lessons gained from my long history with this franchise have helped me connect to others in their most vulnerable moments, and improve their quality of life. Thank you for all that you've done, and I wish you continued success in a field you've already become an exemplary expert in.
Sincerely,
Isaac Holguin
BSN, RN
I’m always excited to hear about ways people can use the color pie outside the context of the game. I’m not sure what I can do to help you.
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Itaf and Mazen's love is beautiful, I love to see it. We are Facebook friends. She said the other day that each donation and kind word is a rose we place on her path. May Itaf and Mazen live happily ever after.
The words of her GoFundMe:
"Hello!
"I am Itaf and this is my husband Mazen.
"My husband is everything to me, and I am his everything... and we are being starved. We want to be together, and we want to see each other smile again in peace. Our love is unique to us, we don't want to lose each other. We don't want a world where one of us doesn't exist anymore. We desire the end of this constant anxiety, hunger and danger. Our love is strong and we want to connect with the whole world, we have so much to give back. Please feel your power to support us through the tiniest contribution, so we can leave Gaza eventually for freedom and peace.
"What happened to us?
"My husband and I live in Rafah, Gaza under harsh conditions. For more than five months, we have been under bombardment, war and fire.
"My house was severely damaged due to the bombing that was next to me. The shrapnel fell right on top of us. We narrowly escaped death. Many of my neighbors and relatives died because of these attacks. So we couldn't stay and had to relocate. Our new "house" is mainly made of tin sheets (see picture below).
"We are now in severe hardship, hunger and thirst. We eat grasses, animal feed and drink polluted salt water to survive. There is no water, food, or treatment. Even though the little we have, every morning if possible, we feed the cats and make sure they got something as well.
"We want to escape by all means. Please support us get out of here. You can make a difference even by donating a coffees worth.
"Helping us means that you give us life and live safely. Help, to get us out of this burning hell here. The bombs are dropping mercilessly on our land.
"Every minute makes a difference. Every little amount counts. A small amount that doesn't hurt you, can make the biggest difference to us... you personally don't have to carry a huge burden, we are asking for a collective deed, when many people give a little, we will make it. Thank you so much.
"❤️
"---
"Adressing your commonly asked questions:
"1. Can we trust this?
"Our friend in Germany has started this campaing for us, because we in Palestine are not allowed to do a GoFundme. Our friend will make sure the money reaches us safely via Western Union. Thank you so much for helping and asking!
"2. It feels like a losing battle
"That's true for every time you give a Dollar to a homeless person as well, and you still do it from time to time, so they can get something to eat today.
"In our case, we are trapped in the real life squid-games or hunger games. You can actually help a ton by giving 1$ and spread the news! We are still alive... the battle is not lost yet.
"3. Focus on two people? Then what about all the other people?
"We love this thought, because it shows so much compassion, but it will cause hopelessness and inaction. You are here now, so if you want to help, here is a good place to start. Just even 1$ and spreading this campaign on social media to reach our goal will make the biggest difference. Thank you!
"(If you want to help furthermore, we'd greatly appreciate if you consider donating to the UNWRA Gaza relief fund as well).
"This is a scene from my diary of harsh conditions. It was a very good day I bought half a kilo of rice, cooked it, and now I'm done. I was trying to buy a kilo of sugar but it is insanely high priced.
"4. Why this specific amount and does it really help?
"The little bit of food we can still get here got extremely expensive, so even just staying will be costly if we want to stay alive. The costs of coordination at the Rafah crossing will go through the Egyptian Hala company. One of the burdens we have to carry is non-reliable bureaucracy, the cost is $5,000 - $10,000 per person. There are road and crossing fees from Rafah to Cairo of approximately $100 per person. I do not know how much it costs to fly from Egypt to the host country where Carolin invited us to. So our aim is to get $20.000 (which translates to 22.500 Euros incl. the GoFundMe fee) to at least get the Rafah crossing for sure. If we have extra we can afford to get to our host country as well, which would be the absolute dream - but our first goal is to get out.
"5. How do I stay informed?
"I post my Inside-Gaza diary on Facebook and Instagram, please feel free to follow me there, I will post updates!
"Follow my diary on Facebook
"Follow me on Instagram
"Furthermore Carolin will help keep this Fundraiser up to date!
"6. Why should I help?
"Because we can only succeed when everybody gives a little bit.
"This is our current home, thanks for your help even for the slightest bit! Greetings from Gaza...
"7. How often is the money being sent?
"The donations are being transferred on a regular basis, so that they are with Itaf and Mazen as soon as possible.
"8. How is the money being used?
"It will be used to evacuate eventually and in the meantime to buy food and water, to survive the harsh conditions.
"--
"Thank you for taking the time to read this and for considering supporting our cause."
Donate:
https://gofund.me/79bcce1f
Vetting:
I don't know of any vetting for Itaf and Mazen. I just know them on Facebook, and the RIS is clean on all the pictures in this post.
@acehimbo @butchfeygela @bisexualspeed @butchjeremyfragrance @k1teko @ohjinyoung @revoltingcocks @yampulp @eraserheadbaby2 @nocturnal-notes @rememberthelaughter2016 @parfaithaven @gryficowa @tittyinfinity @6o3o9 @fantasykiri5 @sadbiooi @battleofthegarys @illpunchababy @alliterate-accident @flashingdaydreams @s7ar-sai10r @tallytals @monotremesoup @dlxxv-vetted-donations @ilikefoodandyourmom @i-named-my-cactus-albert @pogasssm @thethrillbasisindeterminable @agremlinthing @huzni @bagofbonesmp3 @hussyknee @divorce-enjoyer @treffyfrinn @effen-draws @thatsonehellofabird @neechees @queerpotat @queerstudiesnatural @maester-cressen @lampsbian @freddyfazbearboyfriend
#free gaza#free palestine#gaza#gaza genocide#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#gaza solidarity#mutual aid#the gaza strip#children of gaza
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Friends or More?
Pairing: Colten Gunn x female!reader
Category: Angst/Fluff
Word count: 1,467
Summary: Falling for your best friend is risky, even more so when he doubles as a coworker. After five months away, you return with a clear head, or so you thought. Will this turn into friends to lovers or will end in unrequited love?
Warnings: None
A/N: It’s been a while since I’ve been on here and I’m excited to be back! This is my first time writing for Colten so bear with me! @ylenyasstuff I hope you like it ❤️
Masterlist
Taglist
Gif is not mine. Credit to owner
It’s been five months since you left your job at AEW and now here you are, back to give this another shot. Why did you leave in the first place? Because of Colten Gunn and it’s not in a bad way. You worked as a booker and little by little, day after day you noticed your feelings towards the oldest Gunn brother was changing.
You were on the verge of falling for him.
When you first arrived at AEW, you didn’t have any intention on falling for anyone but then came Colten Gunn knocking on your little makeshift office door. Austin was preset as well but, truthfully, you didn’t notice him at first.
“Welcome to AEW!” Colten beamed, arms outstretched as if to show off the place. “We couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be the first to give you the grand tour.”
You were taken aback at how excited he was to be given this task. You didn’t know what to expect when you arrived, especially with Tony Kahn being busy with boss man duties. He assured you that you would be in good hands for your first day. You expected him to send The Young Bucks or Kenny Omega or Britt Baker or Willow Nightingale to be the welcome wagon and your guide for today but lo and behold, he sent the Gunns. You’re not complaining but it definitely surprised you.
“Thanks for the warm welcome,” you smiled. Movement from behind Colten caught your attention and that’s when you finally noticed his brother. Austin was standing back watching the interaction, a small smirk playing on his lips. What’s that about? You shrugged it off and introduced yourself to them.
The Gunns showed you around and before long it felt like you all had known each other for years. It was comforting to have an instant friendship so early into your career at AEW.
Fast forward a few months and things were still great. You were booking huge matches and doing your best to help tell stories that people would remember and connect with. Your friendship with Colten and Austin was going great, although you ended up being closer to Colten in the end. Maybe that wasn’t as good of a thing as you thought.
As time went on, you began to notice your feelings changing towards Colten. No. You cannot ruin this friendship with unrequited love. You tried to bury those feelings down and pretend they didn’t exist. You couldn’t fall for arguably your best friend. Unfortunately, those feelings became too hard to hide and you knew you were in trouble. You were at risk of losing your rock. Your anchor. Your best friend.
Why are you stressing out so much about this? What if he feels the same and all is well and good? Well, you have a rule — Do not date your coworkers.
That rule is why you asked Tony Kahn for time away. You needed space from Colten to clear your head and forget about those feelings. Surely it was just some weird ‘I like him because he showed me around and has been there for me’ kind of thing. Right?
Time will tell.
You pushed open the doors to the arena AEW was at this week and started tracking down Tony. You finally managed to find him talking to some crew members on the ramp way leading to the ring. The conversation wrapped up and you cheerfully greeted him. “Hi Tony! What do you have for me?”
Tony filled you in on what’s going on in regard to your job and the matches that will be taking place tonight. He showed you to a similar makeshift office that you had on your first day. That’s when the memories came rushing back. All the times Colten hung out with you when he wasn’t needed for backstage interviews or matches. It’s all going to be fine. It has to be.
Thankfully you didn’t see Colten at all or Austin either. Some of your friends came by to welcome you back and expressed how happy they were to see you again. All felt right, even when you were packing up some things to head out in the next ten minutes…. Until Colten popped up in the doorway. Oh no. Breathe. It’s fine. You’re just friends.
“Sorry I hadn’t been able to come by and welcome you back,” he noticed your bag on your desk and you sliding your laptop in its case. “I’m about to be heading out too. Want me to walk you out?”
You tried not to look nervous as you zipped up your bag. “Y-yeah. That would be great.” Just friends. You’re just friends despite the fact that your heart is doing flips and your hands are slightly shaky. You threw your bag on your shoulder and grabbed your phone. When you looked up at Colten, he was watching you with a look you couldn’t quite place.
The two of you walked and talked about what you’ve missed. You couldn’t help but laugh at a story Colten told about how badly Austin embarrassed himself in front of this girl at a bar. “It couldn’t have went any worse. I swear his face was as red as lobster.” Colten laughed.
His laugh. His contagious smile. His gorgeous eyes. They were not helping you convince yourself that you and Colten are just friends. Get it together!
“I have a question.” Colten said once you both had arrived at your rental car. You motioned for him to continue, not trusting your voice to be steady enough to answer. “Why did you leave? Did something happen? Did someone say or do something to make you feel like you didn’t belong?” His face was covered with concern and a small mixture of hurt and anger at the thought of someone being the reason you felt the need to leave. Little does he know, he’s the reason.
You thought about how to answer for a moment, searching for the right words. “I..” you paused, taking a breath, knowing that what you were about to say would change everything. “I left because of you,” you quietly replied. You saw the look on his face — confusion, hurt, a flash of anger even appeared on his face. “It’s not because of anything bad!” You were quick to reassure him. “It was because I have this rule and you were going to make me break it. And I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t ruin our friendship.” You rambled, hoping he heard it all.
“What’s the rule?” Colten asked after a moment to let the information you just gave soak in. “I swear I didn’t mean to do anything bad or wrong or upset you.”
You took another breath and knew your rule was absolutely about to be broken. You knew in that moment your feelings for Colten weren’t going away any time soon, if ever. “The rule is don’t date your coworkers. I always prided myself on following that rule at every job I’ve ever had but then I come here and meet you and then little by little feelings changed. I could feel myself starting to—“ you cut yourself off. You didn’t want to scare him away, but honestly, it didn’t look like he was going anywhere as you finally looked into his eyes. He had this look that you’ve seen in movies. Admiration.
“You left because you were falling in love with me?” Colten’s eyebrows raised and he couldn’t resist the smile that made its way to his face. “I’ll be honest. I was miserable when you left and I thought it was just because we were close friends but the longer you were gone, Austin and Jay and Juice were convinced it was because I had fell for you. And finally, I didn’t argue with them anymore about it because I knew they were right.” Never once did Colten’s eyes leave yours. In the middle of his confession, he had taken your hands in his.
No unrequited love? No rejection? You wanted to cheer but refrained. This moment was too perfect to ruin. “I left to clear my head but now that I’m back, I know you’re worth breaking my rule for. Especially after what you just said. I was falling for you then and I’m falling for you now.”
“I’m happy you’re breaking your rule for me. I’m just curious about something though.” A smirk played on his lips. You didn’t know what he was about to ask but it was clearly going to be mischievous.
“What’s that?”
“How many more rules are you willing to break for me?”
A blush crept up on your cheeks as you playfully smacked his chest, a laugh escaping your lips. It’s clear you’re in for a ride with this one.
General Taglist: @legit9thlunaticwarrior @magicalbuttertarts @1dluver13xx @sunshinevirus @wwenhlimagines @crowleysqueenofhell @jackson-nickthedate @omg-im-such-a-masochist @kmc1989
#colten gunn#colten gunn x reader#colten gunn imagine#colten gunn fic#aew#all elite wrestling#aew imagine#aew imagines#aew fanfiction#aew fic
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This Bunny Bites | Part 9
Check out part 1 here.
CW: None that I can think of.
Meeting up with Cara always helped you feel your spine decompress. You met her at the first club you took a job at. She had been a dancer already, and you with your mismatched and too-small boobs had been relegated to serving drinks. She had caught you watching the girls several times and even trying the pole before shifts started.
For some reason, Cara had decided to take you under her wing. She set you up with a friend of hers who taught pole classes. The number of times you walked home with a bow-legged gait was unreal. Soon enough the inner skin on your thighs didn’t scream any time it touched the pole. Once you had enough skill you were approved to run small sets between the regular dancers. Though you were under no circumstance allowed to remove your bra. Your right side sat vastly smaller than your left. Custom bras were the only way to deal with the discrepancy. The money you earned from the between-set dances and the lap dances paid for your implants.
Cara, again being a saint, became more than a mentor. She became your best friend. If you think too hard or too long about where you would be without her the tears start to flow. If soul mates existed yours lived in a body named Cara.
Chin resting in your hand you stare at her across the table. Her dark eyes and perfectly done-up hair accentuate how beautiful she is.
The snapping of fingers in front of your nose brings you back to the present.
“Did they put straight gasoline in that mimosa? You were staring,” Cara eyes you.
“No,” sitting back in your chair you adjust your legs and cross your arms. “I was thinking about how if soul mates exist you have to be mine.”
Watery shock fills Cara’s eyes.
“You can’t do that to me. People already don’t believe me when I tell them you aren’t my girlfriend.” Cara flapped a hand at her eyes, blinking and staring at the ceiling to fight off tears. “But thank you. I think you would be my soul mate as well.”
Plucking your previously mentioned mimosa from the table you smile into it as you take a sip. The mimosas at this cute little cafe, several small tables filled the space. Fresh flowers on every table and the soft, bright colors on the walls were only some of the reasons this was your favorite morning spot.
With a slight shake of her head and a light dab at her eyes, Cara focused back on you. Her shrewd eyes came out.
“Alright, spill. You said something bad had happened but it needed to be discussed in person,” Cara threaded her fingers together leaning on her elbows on the table.
You can’t stop the worried expression that passes over your face as you take another sip of the drink in your hand.
“So uh,” you set it down, ruffling your hair with your hand.
“Oh fuck, you’re touching your hair something bad bad happened.”
If you could stab her with your eyes you wouldn’t hesitate.
“Bitch you are not supposed to use your powers for evil! Let me tell you what happened before you jump to conclusions!” You huff out a breath, conscious now of the desire to touch your hair. “But yes, fine a few things have happened but you are not allowed to ask any questions until I am done.”
Pointing to her for good measure you waited until she rolled her eyes and put her hands up in defeat.
“Caroline canned me for the incident I told you about where Todd let a fight start and escalate until I had to get involved.”
Cara cut in, “The one where you nearly got clocked in the nose right?”
“You couldn’t escape a paper bag with the way you listen, now hush and let me finish.” You glared until she apologized and pulled her purse to the table.
As Cara dug out her compact or lip gloss you continued.
“So I am out a job when I am so fucking close to making it out,” you clock the nasty look an old woman of god sends you but ignore it. “But wouldn’t you know it one of the guys that came in with my brother came in that same night to offer me a job. So,” you rush to keep talking before she can open her mouth as you can clearly see she wants to, “I had dinner with them, accepted the job, and ended up telling Johnny the reason I dance is dear old dad putting me on the internet. I managed to do it without yelling even.”
Looking fit to burst your best friend is chomping at the bit to say her piece.
“Hold that thought, our food is coming.” Looking up with a smile to the young man delivering your food, “Thank you so much for your help, Wyatt.”
He nods and sets both plates down on the table, taking a step back.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” He glances from you to Cara.
“Can I get some salsa please?” You ask with a warm smile.
“Of course, that should be just a minute,” Wyatt nods and walks away.
“Bitch what the fuck is your life! First off, not yelling at your brother? He deserved it. Second how much are you getting for the job?”
Bless her for not asking what the job is, the NDA you signed would have you hanging by your ankles if you broke it.
“No, I didn’t yell at him. It was in front of all of his teammates. Johnny works as special forces of all things.” You keep talking even as you queue up your first bite of omelet. “I delivered the news like a calm badass and left the house they are renting. Did I cry the entire walk to my car? Yes, but that is not the point. Job is paying 30K.”
Cara lifted both brows at her food.
“Damn, that’s double what you needed to get out right?”
Humming confirmation around the food in your mouth you nodded.
Swallowing, you hold a finger to your lips.
“Yeah, I won’t even have to quit since Caroline let me go.”
“What a bitch,” Cara shook her head. “I can’t believe she let you go over an air horn. An air horn that saved her property damage and saved the girls from getting hurt I might point out!” She pointed her fork at you aggressively.
‘Willing to go to bat’ was something you wanted to put on a T-shirt for Cara.
“I did do that, but she wasn’t pleased I hid them in the ceiling and I bet Todd has been gunning for my head for a long time. He didn’t like that I never kowtowed to his demands.”
“Well, you have a hard time listening to authority,” Cara acknowledged offhandedly.
“If I wanted a mental evaluation I would schedule an appointment with my therapist,” you gape at her. Bitch knew you better than anyone and weaponized it.
Cara, the bitch, laughs at your outrage.
The obnoxious sound of your phone going off cuts off your well-timed and deserved middle-finger salute. Pulling it out the caller ID noted three money bags.
“Ah, the new boss. One second.”
Swiping to accept the call you lifted the phone to your ear.
“What’s up?”
“Free today?”
“Depends on the reason,” you counter.
“Have an opening at a fancy dress shop at 2 PM today if you can make it. You’re going to need the right kind of clothes to fit in,” Price offers by way of explanation.
“Send lover boy with a card and car, he can pick us up at my place.” You catch Cara’s eye and point to the uneaten food.
She waves a hand, no she doesn’t want to take it. You nod in acknowledgment, waving for Wyatt who had stepped around a corner. Cara will handle getting the bill.
“Us?” Comes his careful question.
“My bestie will be coming, you think I am going to trust lover boy’s opinion on such an important matter as this?”
“You signed an NDA.”
Cutting him off you say your piece.
“I can shop with my best friend without breaking an NDA. This isn’t my first rodeo with them. Now what time should we be ready for pick up?”
Cara called you steamroller for a reason. You dig out your card from your wallet, it is your turn to buy. Passing it over you focus back on your call.
“He will be there at 1300.”
“Ooo big number, translate it for me.”
The confused look from Cara meant she caught your tone switch to demanding but sweet.
“Gaz will be at your home at 1 PM.”
“Thanks, Captain,” you sprinkle in a touch of sweetness to your tone.
He grunts and hangs up.
“That sounds interesting,” Cara eyes you, mischief in her gaze.
“Not nearly as interesting as it’s about to be. Come on, we are heading to my house. I am curious to see your take on our driver.” Grabbing your purse you hauled it up to your shoulder.
Wyatt returned rather quickly with your card, after signing the receipt you lead the way to the parking lot with Cara in tow.
“You’ve piqued my interest, anything I should know going in?” Cara watches you as she asks.
“Nope, I want your cold read on him.”
“Can do. I will see you at your house then.”
Waving to your best friend you climb in your car and head home to get ready for an interesting afternoon.
@leahnicole1219
Bunny Masterlist | Masterlist
#cod#fanfiction#cod x reader#ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#soap mactavish#john soap mactavish#soap cod#john price#kyle gaz garrick#gaz cod#This Bunny Bites
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#scribbles;#gaara#naruto#vote-gaara#made a headcanon that reminded me of an idea i wanted to draw for like a year#and thanks to my friends' help this now exists#nghh have to remind myself that in order to improve you gotta do things#anyway he's relaxing
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hey just a reminder that sometimes you have to accept that you’re going to have to have feelings without a filter, and you’re going to have to tell people that you care about them, and you’re going to have to start saying i love you. if you want affection and love and adoration you cannot close yourself off forever and ever. keep up your walls as you must to protect yourself but not forever. and if you feel like you can’t ever let them down then i’m sorry. i hope you find someone that makes you feel safe enough to start saying and feeling these things.
#lolaa.txt#little thing about emotions.#i’m not affectionate. not really.#im a deflector and i laugh off affection and love a lot#and all it has ever done for me is push away people who want to help me so so badly.#and it’s a slow change. slowwwww. the tiniest steps .#and i go back so often.#today my boyfriend said he missed me and that i was pretty when i woke up and i told him i was going to never speak to him again#because i cannot accept these things and it so so hard to say that i appreciate it#but i know i know he needs to hear it and he needs to feel appreciated yknow?#and im working on it im trying so hard#especially when you have been fucked over for saying your feelings in the past. it’s hard. it’s so hard. and i’m sorry#just. tell your friends you love them. tell people when you’re excited or happy.#smile when you get to do fun things. laugh at jokes! scream and yell and cry and hit things and grin and be out there#numbness will not fix what problems you have. it won’t.#it’s comfortable but you can’t have love without discomfort sometimes#sorry about all this i’m just . i’m having a bad day and it’s really hard today to be open to everyone#so this is my try#i am upset. and i miss my friends. and i love my mom and i am also mad at her because i am frustrated with the world right now.#and i am tired but because its tiring to force myself to exist and feel#i need to relearn how to be a child about it#and that’s okay#that’s all ; sorry for the long tags. thank you for being here
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also i'm soooo brave guess who got a credit card and has actually used it to make a purchase, very beautiful very powerful 💪
#guys will spend their 'formative' years being so ill in various ways and not learning to do ~responsible adult~ stuff#and then face the consequences by getting refused credit as a late 20s year old because they were too sick to be building a credit history✌#now i am learning how to Do That as a disabled and unemployed person. spoilers the world does not want you to it seems!#thank you to my friends (and family but they're not here :P) for helping me work out what on earth i am meant to be doing. i am LEARNING!#wish it felt like society as a whole wanted disabled people who can't work to be able to like. exist like other people and be#allowed to do stuff but despite the issues (systemic ableism etc i guess) we are doing it anyway!#this 'basic' thing is a cause for great celebration to me :P and so so scary. BUT gotta do it anyway! disabled people are allowed futures!#YIPPEE
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There are So many bisexuals in the world I can't take a Step without running into a bisexual, I can't believe when I was a teen people lied to me and said what I was didn't exist and there was no one like me, babes if you're bisexual I promise youre not alone and you're awesome
#rant#i just. now that im an adult#at least 90% of my friends are queer#maybe more. i dont talk to every friend about dating so maybe a few might be straight#i make new friends? also almost always queer#theres a lot of us and if you feel alone please know you dont have to be forever. there are more ppl in rhe world and more community#and where u go there will be somr ppl like you somewhere to find#(on a lighter note like. even on language study apps! or niche dumb reddit forms about idk some soecific video game)#i remember authority fogures telling me to 'pick' and that i was a sex obsessed freak etc every biphobic thing u can think#as a teen. and feeling alone and broken. at like 17 i found bi sites and lgbt help sites online and the queer community on tumblr#and felt much more backed up with facts i am real my feelings are feelings many other ppl have felt#and i could find ppl who get me. who would accept me and believe me and my existence#and like. now as an adult lol? i meet a person and mention an ex or my bi af writing lmao and they ask if im bi#and i am! and sometimes they say hey me too lol! and then wowza more friends! thats all#no more fear im yelled at or told biphobic shit. and now if i was for some reason#i can just go okay then i wont be yr friend and wont be chatting with u again thanks bye
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Urgent Help:
Help my family survive and start a new life
Hello everyone, thank you for taking a moment to read our story.
I am Hazem Shawish, and I am trying to save my family from this war.
We live in Gaza, where we face significant challenges due to the current situation.
My family consists of 11 members, including my mother, two daughters, four sons, and three children.
In the shadow of conflict, our family has faced unimaginable hardships. The passing of my father, a victim to the cruel grasp of hunger and inadequate healthcare, left a void in our lives, underscoring the fragility of our existence here. My brother, Samer, battles bipolar disorder, a condition exacerbated by the ongoing war and the severe shortage of essential medications. Without access to the necessary treatment, his life is at risk, and we live in constant fear for his well-being amidst the chaos that surrounds us. These personal tragedies have deepened the urgency of our situation.
youtube
Every day is a struggle for survival, and each night is filled with prayers for a brighter tomorrow. We hold onto hope, believing that one day the clouds will dissipate, and we will find the peace we long for.
Our home, which was a sanctuary for us, was destroyed, forcing us to live in a state of uncertainty and fear. We have lost the laughter of our children.
Our entire neighborhood In Gaza Before and after
we had a supermarket that helped as to live and earn money, but it was bombed and we have nothing now, pic of our supermarket
We also face psychological challenges, as we have lost our father, and my brother Samer, who needs expensive medical treatment, is facing imminent danger. My mother, who has endured so much, fears losing another child. We are all suffering from malnutrition and contaminated water.
We dream of moving to Egypt to find safety, where our children can pursue their education.
We seek your support as individuals who understand the value of compassion and community.
Thank you for listening to our story, for your understanding, and for standing with us.
🇵🇸🍉❤️🩹🙏
All of our important links are here
vetted and verified by:
@dlxxv-vetted-donations & @a-shade-of-blue (vet)
@gazavetters , my number the list is (#75)
@paliliberation , my number the list is (#171)
#Palestine#gofundme#operation olive branch#save palestine#gfm#gaza strip#gaza#free gaza#free palestine#gaza genocide#donations#support#ceasefire#please donate#people helping people#send hlep#please help#gazaunderattack#gaza help#Youtube#hazemsuhail#vetted#verified#palestine fundraiser#crowdfunding#palestine aid#mutual aid#signal boost#important#artists on tumblr
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love being nd and have the tism wolf Inside me be so drastically uncomfortable with uncertainty that i physically cannot think about school and having to deal w the unknown of that whole situation without losing 5lbs in 2 days
#the club ppl are meeting abt stuff for when school starts and just the reminder of school starting is enough to make me lose all appetite#i had to text a friend and ask him if he could help be there for me when i move in bc of how the situation stresses me out lmao#asked another friend if i can go to their place if i can't take it at the start of the semester#they are so sweet to me 😭😭😭 they haven't moved yet but they told me if they have an extra copy they'll give me their spare keys#but i genuinely go blank in the mind and go catatonic when i think abt. living situations next year bc i gen don't know what the vibe is#it's like probably not gonna be so bad and ik i have the capability to deal w all the scenarios but not knowing what to expect. kills me.#I'd genuinely be okay if i have to pretend i don't live there and i don't exist and get ignored!! i just need to know that now Thanks!!!#but tryin my best to not be reminded i have to deal w this in 2 months but my supervisor mentioned the campus today and now i can't eat lma#he was like u don't even need to go back to campus and im holding everything back to not be like. just take me as a full time worker.#i love school actually. i love learning. i just. thinking abt my living situation and not knowing what to expect when i have to inevitably#. face. my ex. makes me want to shrivel up and die. like icb i have to do this. like really my ex is the most harmless person ever but stil#how do you ever really. look your ex in the eyes ever again anyway. no matter the circumstances of it ending like it's gonna be so awkward?#and it's the avoidant in me and the avoidants I've dated but. I've never had a normal relationship w/ an ex afterwards lmao#but Each time I've ended things they ended at a spot where i didn't have to ever run into them ever again. so. i am not equipped for this.#And I Missed The Room Swap Date and The Regret is Eating me Up like i ugh i can't do this i don't i don't#It might be pessimistic of me but i don't think whatever will ever be resolved i don't think she'll ever want to talk abt it#and if Those are the starting conditions god forgive me if all i want is to get out of here like#if we're never gonna address or resolve anything then at least just let me have it out of sight out of mind#and I'll pretend it'llnevercome up ever again!! I'll rewrite my memories and just run the fuck away!!#my friend is going thru a more severe case of anger n self blame n how could i let them do this to me and im glad i don't feel it that bad#all i have is debilitating fear lmao so I'm just! trying not to think about anything!! i have so much fun and I'm so busy so why do i still#ugh anyway i hate nightmares and autism i really dgi i can deal with any situation so why do i still dread#delete later
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While I'm writing things that I've been intending to write for a while... one of the things that I think that a lot of people who haven't been involved in like... banking or corporate shenaniganry miss about why our economy is its current flavor of total fuckery is the concept of "fiduciary duty to shareholders."
"Why does every corporation pursue endless growth?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.
"Why do corporations treat workers the way they do?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.
"Why do corporations make such bass-ackwards decisions about what's 'good for' the company?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.
The legal purpose of a corporation with shareholders -- its only true purpose -- is the generation of revenue/returns for shareholders. Period. That's it. Anything else it does is secondary to that. Sustainability of business, treatment of workers, sustainability and quality of product, those things are functionally and legally second to generating revenue for shareholders. Again, period, end of story. There is no other function of a corporation, and all of its extensive legal privileges exist to allow it to do that.
"But Spider," you might say, "that sounds like corporations only exist in current business in order to extract as much money and value as possible from the people actually doing the work and transfer it up to the people who aren't actually doing the work!"
Yes. You are correct. Thank you for coming with me to that realization. You are incredibly smart and also attractive.
You might also say, "but Spider, is this a legal obligation? Could those running a company be held legally responsible for failing their obligations if they prioritize sustainability or quality of product or care of workers above returns for shareholders?"
Yes! They absolutely can! Isn't that terrifying? Also you look great today, you're terribly clever for thinking about these things. The board and officers of a corporation can be held legally responsible to varying degrees for failing to maximize shareholder value.
And that, my friends, is why corporations do things that don't seem to make any fucking sense, and why 'continuous growth' is valued above literally anything else: because it fucking has to be.
If you're thinking that this doesn't sound like a sustainable economic model, you're not alone. People who are much smarter than both of us, and probably nearly as attractive, have written a proposal for how to change corporate law in order to create a more sensible and sustainable economy. This is one of several proposals, and while I don't agree with all of this stuff, I think that reading it will really help people as a springboard to understanding exactly why our economy is as fucked up as it is, and why just saying 'well then don't pursue eternal growth' isn't going to work -- because right now it legally can't. We'd need to change -- and we can change -- the laws around corporate governance.
This concept of 'shareholder primacy' and the fiduciary duty to shareholders is one I had to learn when I was getting my securities licenses, and every time I see people confusedly asking why corporations try to grow grow grow in a way that only makes sense if you're a tumor, I sigh and think, 'yeah, fiduciary duty to shareholders.'
(And this is why Emet and I have refused to seek investors for NK -- we might become beholden to make decisions which maximize investor return, and that would get in the way of being able to fully support our people and our values and say the things we started this company to say.)
Anyway, you should read up on these concepts if you're not familiar. It's pretty eye-opening.
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Sooo I updated my pinned post – just turned 25 :) still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Fuck it we ball!!!!
#realizing now that I've been obsessed with thoschei for over 10 years god help me#we're in it for life now i guess#the point is i don't think any of us truly know what we're doing we just spend our existence trying to figure things out#and that's how life is#thanks everyone for sticking with my silly little blog#for those who wonder I'm much more of a normal person irl#i wake up early go to work come home late work out 3 times a week#i go out with my friends during weekends. hate to stay at home doing nothing#and then there's this side of me who runs a weird blog dedicated to middle aged aliens in toxic relationships#about me
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This is the bullet Mohammed's sister was shot with
Please don't scroll past.
The bullet entered her thigh bone, exited, and then partially penetrated her shin bone. Below are two more photos Mohammed sent me so that you can see the sheer scale of this bullet:
The operation to remove it was successful, but Mohammed, his sister, and the rest of their family are still trapped in Gaza, facing shooting and bombing that has already killed 10 other family members. This is the danger they live with constantly.
Mohammed and I have been talking, and he asked me to share the following message with all of you:
This is the bullet that penetrated my sister’s body. Look at its size, and after she bled a lot of blood while waiting for the operation. Thank God, the operation was successful, but I am publishing the pictures in order to show you that we are facing the biggest criminals in the world and we are powerless. I hope you will help me take care of my sister and her children. Because everything is expensive and does not exist, I hope that you will spread the story to the whole world so that it can see these heinous crimes
Before October, he had a house and his own company. Now, he and his family have been displaced multiple times, and struggle to access clean water, food, and necessary medical treatments.
Please help my friend out as much as you can: reblog his campaign, share it on any other platforms you may have, and donate whatever you can spare. No amount is too small; every little bit will help him get closer to ensuring safety and a future for himself and his family.
In the last 24 hours, the campaign has raised kr2,098 SEK, or approximately $193 USD. Please, don't let this momentum die down. They have still received less than 10% of their total goal, and have a long way to go with your help.
kr25,537 / 500,000 (27 July)
verified by @/90-ghost
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22, i grew up with a gay aunt and grandma (who i didnt realize was gay until highschool) so thankfully being gay was a pretty widely excepted concept in my family, but i never thought i could be it and when i met someone who was "gay coded" (flamboyant, a little feminine, open with his feelings) for the first time in highschool i remember lots of the kids (ashamed to say i also participated) teasing him for it and he wasnt even out yet
my middle and highschool had a very weird acceptance of gay people. everyone would gently tease actual gay people and then accuse others of it and gently shun them it was weird, we all collectively stopped being dickheads about it as we met our first openly gay teacher in highschool (the middle and highschool are connected) but then why couldnt we afford that same acceptance to our eccentric middle school teacher who was loud and acted in unexpected ways? my school went from being "lovingly hostile" towards the gay community to being quietly yet firmly accepting of them.
alot of us came out as gay in highschool! we had so many bi girls and lesbians, the gay male population was still a little hush hush but we had grown! we had learned! hell i remember we even had a trans student, didnt meet him until my second to last year, and i dont think he was fully out as trans or anything yet either, but i do know that when he graduated in my junior year no one was really fully surprised to see him change his name on facebook and start living as a man
to think that now? small kids are not only realizing their trans but also (im some places at least) gaining rights to be openly trans is amazing and wonderful and something i wish i had back in highschool when using the girls restroom and getting the monthly started to make me feel deeply uncomfortable and unwelcomed in my own body. i owe my current gender identity not to the people i grew up around irl but to the friendships i made and maintained over the internet, its thanks to them i learned what being trans was and its thanks to them that the concept of being non-binary was ever planted in my head
these things werent common knowledge and when i learned about non-binary genders i felt i had been told a secret that i couldnt share with anyone. i know im not as old as others on this post and that i am more or less part of the swing generation but even im amazed and happy at how far things have come.
Do high school kids these days just have trans classmates now. Like I keep seeing zoomer posts casually referring to it. Fucking wild if true.
#lgbtq#queer talk#speakai#personal experience#literally shout out#to that trans german friend i made#im unsure of your current name#last i heard i think it was dirk#shout out to rio#who taught me abt non binary#and introduced me to binders#my friend chris#my other friend whos name i cant remember right now#but their alias/nickname was cross#i know i dont talk to most of yall anymore#and im not even sure if we're all moots here#but know that ill never forget any of you#and thank all of you for existing and helping me find myself#kailer speaks
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#hoo boy! here comes the Depresh™ thanks boss!#not sure if i wanna go to bed and cry or if this whole mess is even worth any sort of emotional investment#idk.#we had a Talk today. plus the foot situation plus the rehearsal situation plus the things i need to do around the flat is just. not ideal#(not ideal meaning i wanna cease to exist for a few days or months)#idk#might get the guinness out now. maybe cry to a friend#idek what that Talk was. what was i supposed to take away from it?!?#yes i think he did it in my own best interest. i think he cares. i think he was explicitly giving me options and choices#objectively he‘s doing me a favour tbfh#i still can’t help but feel unwanted and like shit though#idk. will ask a friend later on. idek#shut up kit#delete
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