#and tbh it doesn't seem like she gets a lot done when she's studying with everyone

[anthromimicry]

forever thinking about how, according to maslow's hierarchy of needs (or simply the self-actualization pyramid) that is basically this motivational theory in psychology that's made up of a five-tier model of human needs, that misao went from being on the third tier in her childhood to reverting back to the first tier currently which is food, water, warmth, and rest.

[ here's a picture of it for reference, y'all ]

so, in other words... she is just trying to survive SO badly right now at this point in her life, that she can not even worry about things like safety or security and especially not friends. and that is UHH... i might, or might not be sobbing right now

[lastoneout]

Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.

I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.

I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.

[dunmeshistash]

Dear Meshi Master, is Marcille despite being much older, wiser, more experienced, more serious about studies and career (I mean this very kindly) less mature than the Toudens? In the sense that she needs hugs, praise and reassurance which she was not getting w/ Falin gone (Laios tries but he's not comfortable giving hugs). I think about this when she's crying her eyes out and/or hugging someone like a baby koala.

I think maturity level is something hard to quantify, people "mature" differently depending on their life experiences and especially in Marcille's case as a half-elf it's pretty inconsistent

There's also a difference between being someone smart/wise/responsible and having emotional maturity (or emotional intelligence idk). I'm not that knowledgeable in the subject and Marcille still has lots of growing to do in the emotional side but I don't think she's really that immature.

Needing hugs praise and reassurance and I'll even add the fact she keeps toys and is invested in fictional characters, I don't think those make her immature, tbh some people like Shiro who bottle up things instead of letting it out like Marcille could be considered more immature. Look at how Izu reacts to Marcille letting her emotions show.

Izu is still very young so she doesn't have the "emotional maturity" to deal with someone who wears their emotions so genuinely like Marcille (She's trying tho, very cute). In this situation I think Izu is the more immature even tho Marcille is crying out like a baby, cause Marcille is allowing herself to feel what she's feeling while Izu isn't equipped to deal with those feelings properly.

I think there's some aspect she's still working thru tho (which I don't think there's an specific age where you're supposed to be done working thru) and the others aspects to me seem more like parts of who she is, she cries and hugs and wants words of affirmations but it's not like that side of her impacts how she deals with important things. Marcille can be serious and calm when the situation asks for it, for example when Senshi is taken by the Griffin Marcille manages to calm down enough to think of something while Laios is in full panic, he relies on her when he can't deal with things himself.

And after that she fully takes lead of the situation. She's whiny and a crybaby but she's still "mature" (whatever that means) if you ask me. There's several other examples but it's easy to tell if you compare with how the younger characters like Izutsumi and Pattadol act.

Hopefully this makes some sense, I'll admit I don't really understand what is being "mature" or not, it's something that feels pretty arbitrary to me.

Edit: just to add, I do think Marcille has a childish side to her and that it is part of her character, her childhood had lots of inconsistency and trauma associated and she even gets the childish ear warmers in her dungeon lord outfit. That's the part I mean when I say she still has things to work thru due to past trauma and she's also just young in general.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Ya'know Lady Nagant had to have some friends right? I doubt she was a antisocial person. So what happened to the people she was close to when she did her thing. I can actually imagine Midnight and Nagant being close for whatever reason.

tbh we can get an idea of what Lady Nagant's social circle was like by realizing that it'd have to mirror Hawks' social circle. Not in like a 'the same people' type of deal, but Hawks is her replacement. So seeing how he's charismatic and sociable but doesn't seem to have anyone genuinely close to him, we can assume Nagant was similar, if only for the combination of 'can't let anyone close to be as a trauma response' and also the Commission controlling her Image™(bonus points for fear of the Commission).

That said I do want her to have social interactions because girl deserves something!

I think my main thought on this is the timeline because we're not exactly sure when Lady Nagant snapped and was sent to Tartarus. Canon doesn't seem to say it outright as far as I can tell, and fan discussion I've dug up says it could be anywhere from 7 to 13 years prior to Canon.

If it was 13 years, then Midnight would've been about 18. Either in her last year at UA or her first year as a Pro Hero. Any interaction with someone as high up as Lady Nagant would have been less of a friendship and more like if she'd done one of the internship/work study things while at UA.

7 gives more room, as Midnight would've been 24 which would put her closer in the peer group for 'friend'. But it still doesn't give a lot of time beforehand.

[evergreen-dryad]

I don't know how to feel over all these strange fantasy names when it's supposed to be fantasy china (and Japan nearby). I would like annotations

it does directly copy and paste some stuff from China's history / Sun Tzu / strategist stuff

you can tell someone's important if they have a name from myth: eg Nezha, Jiang Ziya, Su Daji (femme fatale) There are some references to Journey to the West in some of the Cike/Bizarre Children but not direct borrowings- Baji (Zhu Bajie), Aratsha (Sha Wujing), Suni (Sun Wukong)

It's very readable (as YA tends to be). It's a more fast paced harry potter so far. I'm speeding through it a lot ngl.

Highlights: (wait there's no underline here still??)

- Rin beating Nezha (it's 2-1 so far but just Rin beating everyone up in the Tournament despite being excluded discriminatorily from class)

(And then them both working together like a well-oiled machine in the war!)

And oh, she turned out to be the last speerly! I think it works and also does introduce more tension over where to put her in terms of politics and all that, but I am also praying Altan doesn't die (I feel like he WILL) (and HE DID)

From what I remember of Babel (same author) -- well, there's the historical accuracy that doesn't deviate much, there's also the nostalgic romanticism of school (a safe and beautiful place with towers and pagodas, but also bittersweet with its bullies and racism) and having to work hard af (what a chinese thing tbh), wanting to excel There's the all-important teacher-student relationship and what knowledge does

Foreshadowing: where Runin was burning herself to study more for the Keju Exam, it ends up being foreshadowing for the god she'll call down -- the Phoenix. You watch her determined to go through anything to get stronger:

'How she didn’t need rest, only pain, pain to fuel the fire.' 'Who couldn't she kill?'

After she kills a creature wearing Altan's face. Well, spoiler: she does do genocide

Themes/Symbolism: knowledge, the danger of adhering to just one branch/extremity of thought (esp reflected in the elitism of Sinegard and the north and south; in the way the other Sinegard students treat Runin; in the way Kitay is convinced of his rationalism over Runin questioning if shamanism exists; even in the military where military arts and shamanism are separated and hidden (for the latter); and how Nikara separated itself from Speer (the analogue for smth like Ainu people in Japan.))

Of what is the purpose of knowledge, if it cannot be 'utilised' for in present context, war?

Is 'an eye for an eye' right? What would you do to win or to get revenge? That there are difficult choices to make in such horrors like war -- do horrifying things done to you and your people justify genocide? What if your god that was your only hope was also cruel to you? Between gods and humans, who is really using who?

Also subtly feminist. I mean, it really delivers on the promise of female rage, and there are a couple important female figures

Characters: of course Runin is easy to like and easy to root for! She's way more determined than me bcs she's that unhinged/unhealthy 'do-or-die' when it comes to academics and martial arts!

Everyone else for students is a bit, hm, unelaborated on so far which is fair

Rin has 2 foils: 1) Kitay, and 2) Nezha. And prob also Altan -- how he seems so perfect and later on how they seem alike -- but are ultimately different

Tearza in the past who refused to sacrifice the world for her people, so the god killed her in retribution. But Rin did do so in vengeance and is thus still alive.

Nezha funnily keeps getting 'off-screen death scenes' which means he's definitely not dead

Character relationships: interesting to see how Altan is a 'better' teacher to Rin as they understand each other better in needs to war, but also gets abusive towards her with the pressure and needing her to summon their god, as he is a soldier first.

Jiang was the 'wiser' teacher as a peaceful scholar but wasn't there, sealing himself away in stone

Descriptions: lightly sketched so you don't get drowned in it

Tone: easy, simple, direct, not very literary/purple prose, often short sentences

Use of language: Past tense. Purely in Rin's POV, with one exception in Tyr's/and then omniscient narrator (to show the betrayal of the empress). Lots of dialogue/some worldbuilding descriptions. (R F Kuang seems to begin/end/spin with dialogue a lot which makes it snappy?)

Figurative techniques sparse. Shows the extreme cruelty of the world (even before the war). Also does not hesitate to say fuck.

What works for it?

-want to see what happens to rin as it's very action-heavy and you're rooting for the underdog (fast-paced, inexorable marching to war)

[emmalovesfitzloved]

Who are your fav characters, and why ? And favourit ship/s ?

Eeeeek finally getting round to this lovely ask by the smartiest @imabitchforjemcarstairs hehehe

I have answered this lovely q, and here is the link for the full unhinged answer for the "why" them, hehe.

But the TLDR just for fire rapid answers is:

Favourite characters:

Alastair

Will/Tessa (tie)

Thomas

Matthew

Kitty and Jessa tie

Malec (if allowed a sixth place)

Top Ships:

Thomastair

Wessa

Kitty

Jemma

Malec

(lots of cheating with the ties, but im going to be honest, i can't choose frfr)

Now to enjoy this read and not make and make this answer half assed, I will be original and give my two cents on the topic of Wessa vs. Jessa i haven't had the time to chat about until now. So technically you didn't ask for this lol but i feel like we love Jem and this is a perfect opportunity to give an essay responce on the whole shindig :)

So scooch in for me @imabitchforjemcarstairs we need a chat ;) .

On the topic of Jessa vs. Wessa vs. Herongraystairs in TID:

I think I liked them a lot especially in TID, but i think that the lack of Jem POV makes it hard to really understand what's going inside in his head. And i think the relationship as a ship in writing, suffers from it, especially when we have Will's POV. And that rather, the decisions that 'metamorph' in their relationship is out of Jessa's hands, but a response to the events CC convienently plops in, not allowing any of these three characters decided eyes wide open their fate. Which imo, is a cop out. Let's breakdown the sneaky manipulative writing CC did ;)

I recently reread TID (for about the 10th time now, as one does during the christmas season lol) and found that even during the Herongraystairs arc, it felt like the writing gave more bonding and more to Wessa than Jessa. I call this in romance novels the, "convincing period", where the author in those formative chapters has to convince the reader that these two individuals should be in a ship. CC convinced us on Wessa bc they were into each other since day 0 when Will saved her from the Twin sisters, had so many hobbies in common and shared the same common struggles of figuring out who they want to be in this world (Will struggling w/ his identity and curse and Tessa as a weird hybrid warlock who constantly gets gaslit her who life). So the convincing is done well there i think we can all agree on that pretty easily.

For Jem and Tessa, it seems as if Tessa always defaulted to him because he was a failsafe from Will. And i don't mean that negatively, but in that, he was brilliant, light, elegant, poised and studied and that is literally sexy as hell lol. LIKE COME ON, HE MADE MUSIC ON HIS VIOLIN FOR HERRR. THAT'S HELLA ROMANTIC. And is very "show don't tell" when it comes to his love, my fav trope. He is very clear, which at the time, was the opposite of Will. So that in of itself is attractive to Tessa. But it's a canon event, that she went into the engagement collaterally in book 2, bc Will constantly kept deflecting what they had. She wouldn't have explored a relationship with Jem, if it weren't for Will's deflections. This is literally a canon event. And Tessa wanted to explore what she had with Jem bc he was very decided and less flakey than Will. Which tbh makes utter sense to me!

But as you can see, later on, once Jem leaves the silent brothers, the way i interpreted this is that, Jem and Tessa became a thing bc of the history they have, the loyalty they have to the trio friendship group and bc Tessa doesn't have Will anymore. It's giving very much "begin again" by Taylor Swift Vibes (not too much but yk kinda that aesthetic). And what I'm trying to say, is that I read the Jessa relationship at a disadvantage when up against Wessa. I think CC would have benefited writing Jessa and Wessa independent, and not collaterally contigent on the happenings of what was going on with the status of the other relationship. And then, on Wessa's side in response to Jem leaving for the Silent Brothers, they didn't want to get together in Book 3, bc Will didn't want to take his best mate's girl away bc his best mate never asks anything of Will and he's also high key dying.

It’s unfair that Wessa happened bc Will felt like there was a curse which gave way for Jessa’s engagement, and conversely, it’s unfair that Wessa only got together once the silent brothers made Jem one of them. So again, the autonomy of these characters are not happening 'authentically' but are happening bc of circumstances.

There is also the accidental (ig) trope that Jem with his illness he was given which in political theory we call, “the children are dying” trope. Which means, you give blanket equity or veto power to someone irrespective of the context of deserving because they are “closer to death” than anyone else. This is THE DRIVING FORCE, of why everyone acts the way they do around poor Jem and it drives him, and us the readers crazy, rightfully so. Jem and Will become friends, not because Will at first fr liked Jem as a person or thought he was a talented shadowhunter, but “because he was dying”, blanket permission for friendship. Tessa was kind to Jem at first because, you guessed it, blanket permission because he is closer to death than she is. They get engaged despite not knowing each other for a long time, conveniently for Jem because, yes, he’s close to death. So much of autonomy is once again stripped from characters around Jem, because most of their actions are respective to his illness. Which is polite, lovely, but it rightfully upsets Jem because he is still a person. Not a a make a wish kid nor a charity case. This was touched on briefly when he said he didn’t want a nurse out of Tessa but a wife. This wasn’t morally delved into deeply save for Tessa’s answer “no I fr like u dude wdym” but than her actions proceed to default back to the “children are dying” complex around him. And we’re only freed from this trope finally once Jem has lived basically the immortal life and is a very changed person after silent brotherhood.

So WTF to do right? Seems like CC built up amazing grounds and complications in these characters, but what to do right? How can she wrap this up in a nice bow? Well CC went naturally via the occam's razor route, which is: Jem becomes a literal monk giving him 'immortality', so circumstantially, the only option JUST SO HAPPENS that Will and Tessa can be together. Again, its not a decision Tessa makes, its a problem that solves itself for Tessa. She goes with Will for now, and maybe in the future, she will go with Jem if he ever leave the silent brothers.

Which again, imo is a bit of a cop out. But CC didn't allow Tessa to put her big girl panties and choose a man. But one thing is clear, which is CC didn't write Will and Jem equal from the start. And it is very clear that Will was written from the beginning as the forbidden love and chosen one. Which is extremely unfair to Jem bc there is so much we could have learned and gained from a Jem pairing that DIDN'T happen bc of the circumstances of Wessa not working out. I truly think that Jem was written with an unfair disadvantage. Like i said, One bc his POV hasn't ever been explored that well. and Two, bc all of Tessa's choices weren't made bc she willed them, but bc CC wrote the circumstances in to take away the choice for her.

Now what I do think is right, is that Jessa, both being immortal are together later on in Shadowhunter Canon. I love Mina and I love what they can be for each other. They make each other happy. And for anyone who says that you can have only 1 love in ur life has a very romantic judeo-catholic view on things XD. U can have many loves in ur life, and each of them can be independent from each other. Love is not mutually exclusive. How is it that you can love unbundently and feel equal love for your multiple pets and children, but not find it in yourself to love more than 2 men? It is entirely possible. And so I do think there is room for Jessa, even if Wessa happened first. And I don't think it is disrespectful or cheating to remarry or find another love after one has ended.

I read criticism about them and how they don't live up to the same version as they were in TID, but i think living hundreds of years does that to you. And i don't think it's the fault of anyone in the pairing to 'bring out' the best in the other, but they can also be very changed people from when they were young. This criticism that they aren't great together later on in life is rooted in their own way of dealing with immortality AND THEN each other. I think what is a pity is that it isn't explored as well as Magnus's immortality has shaped his life which i think again, puts Jessa at a disadvantage. Magnus' continuity as I explained before is given a wider girth than Jessa which is why he is my preferred immortal. But then again, what would Magnus do, if he was immortal forever with his ship? He would be a very changed person he wouldn’t be his own comedic relief that’s for sure. In fact, Camille was not wrong when she said that immortality changes your relationship greatly. Where she fucked up was treating poor babygirl Magnus like shit just in general lol, and being immortal doesn't mean u have to be an asshole. I think immortality truly did a number on Jem and Tessa, irrespective of each other and has not a lot to do with Jem or how he treats her, but a lot about how how Tessa and Jem are quite literally a hundreds of year old great grandma and gramdpa hahahahaha.

But if Will were still alive or immortal like Tessa, would Tessa still be with him now that she has the option of being with Jem forever? Again, we are stripped away from that option because the circumstances decided over the characters. But I do think she would still chose Will.

Final question is, would Herongraystairs actually work? The answer in CC's eyes and again, the occam's razor answer is obviously 'yes'. In fact Tessa herself in Book 3 said it is entirely possible to be in love with 2 people at once and I think poly relationships are a beautiful thing. But is it the easiest and first answer, or is it the TRUE answer? Again, that we will never know bc Tessa's decisions on this matter are in response to the environment she is in, not because she truly believes it.

It is very clear that Will is written all across Tessa's mind in Book 1, and is what she thinks about 24/7. There were times where i was like, "girl just go up to him and JUST EXPLODE UR FEELS ON HIM UR GIVING ME A HEADACHE". But the plot just so conveniently every time they had a moment alone, would get 'interrupted' and the moment was gone. Only after in response to this mess of a situationship, did she go for Jem bc of his ease and what he represented (which we talked about before^) but it wasn't equally organic. It was in response to what happened with Will. Truly we all know, that Tessa would not have even considered Jem, if Will and Tessa decided to be a couple and engage by book 1. And I hate that Jessa read to me as second best, instead of a true, equal 1st place like Wessa. Which is would have to be, in order to have a Herongraystairs. I don't like that CC made Jessa collateral, but tbh i think she didn't know how to chose in the making of TID. So instead of choosing or rewriting the relationship so that both ships were dealt with equally, she made the events of the plot decide for the characters instead.

In defence of CC, a lot of our lives happens in response to our surroundings and circumstances instead of pure Free Will. Which might ironically make Jessa and Wessa and Herongraystairs even more realistic than maybe the idyllic cleanly chosen choices. Life moves fast and we can barely respond to it in time. And what matters most at the end, is that all three of these characters love each other dearly and would be there for each other no matter what. However, the way the plot was almost TOO conveniently choosing everything instead of the characters making hand on heart choices, swings us back to being a bit too unrealistic.

I truly, really love Jessa and I would marry Jem myself lol, but I really disliked the way it wasn't dealt with fairly. I am happy that they end up together at the end, I just didn't like the way they went about it. I would be more sold on Herongraystairs if it was dealt with more evenly instead of the other side of the poly v, instead of being collaterally contingent to the happenings of Wessa. Who knows, CC said that Jessa will re-encounter Will again and not in shadowhunter heaven so i wonder if there is any ability to clean this all up. But bc of the way CC wrote Jessa over how i WISHED she wrote them, Jessa is not in the top 5 ships for me unfortunately. It's def top 10 (and for sure over Clare lol) probablly like 7th place but not top 5. I think there are other relationships in the Shadowhunter fandom that are written a lot more cleanly where the characters are given by CC more autonomy in their choices which makes it easier to follow along. Not to mention get their POVs.

I cannot wait for your own lovely essay on our fav Jem @imabitchforjemcarstairs ! I hope my re-mentioning of it doesn't come across as antsy or like i'm trying to 'remind you' passively lol. Which would be awfully rude. As you can tell, I took my time to reply to this one :). My intention is one of pure excitement, fandom-ing over it and showing support.

art credit: @giannyfili on instagram

[cepheusgalaxy]

Ein - tag: ein wip

Genre: Fantasy

What is it about: A bunch of teenagers who get involved in a secret magic society and are now trying to prevent it from going to war

Who is in it:

Kaiki (he/him) - I. I'm still trying to flesh him out. He's a complicated guy. He's transgender, ambue (the word I picked for non-magic people), and became a magician kind of by accident. Currently, at Onemia there is this phenomena happening where some weird magic stuff is happening, including turning ambue into magicians. This is the character I have the hardest time with, tbh.

Arielle (they/she) - Main traits: Paficist, stoic, responsible, emotional. She is a natural Onemian (Onemia is the magical country) and works as a junior patroillueur. The Patrol is a part of Onemia’s military force and their job is to prevent the ambue world (aka non-magic world) of getting troubled by magic or finding out about Onemia. They care a lot but don’t seem like so. Tall af.

Lis (she/her) - Main traits: Chaotic dumbass, girly, cute. Lis is also ambue (non-magic) and became a magician by accident. She is albino, dyslexic, and likes lots of colorful cutesy stuff. She has a feisty personality and she masks some of her insecurities. Lis doesn’t have many difficulties with magic, and tbh, she’s great at it.

Lucy (she/it) - Main traits: Insecure, soft, smart. Lucy is ambue, and she is a very low-energy calm person. She’s trans, gnc, and sometimes lets people misgender her coz she thinks it’s nothing worth the trouble. She is the only one in the main cast who is neither Onemian nor Brazilian: She is actually Usamerican (her father is half-British and her mom is Brazilian). She grew up in the US but came to her grandmother’s house to study here in her second year of highschool. When speaking in pPortuguese she just uses she/her cuz there is no it/its in the language.

Lali (he/him) - Main traits: Flamboyant, confident, stubborn. Lali is a natural onemian like Arielle and is quite a celebrity. He is very very talented at magic and comes from a wealthy magician family. In his introdution in the storyline, Arielle is hired to protect him as a bodyguard, because the guy who originally had the job kept misgendering him and Lali is known for being hotheaded and not colaborating with people he doesn't like. He is gnc.

Simba (he/him) - Main traits: Empathetic, does what it needs to be done, quiet, intimidating, quick. Simba is the prince of Onemia. I have a hard time defining his family lore but his mom is the Grand-Countess, kind of like the queen of Onemia, and his other mother is an important politican. Technically Onemia is not a monarchy and the charge is not passed foward for heirs BUT to be the Gran-Countex you have to have a lot of things in your curriculum like having political and military training and the current ruler always make sure that their heir has the necessary formation, so it isn't uncommon for a singke family to stay in power for a couple regenerations, as it is the current case. Simba is supposed to be the third ruler on his bloodline and he is on a magic military academy for his formation. He is also not very fleshed out.

Note: Hard magic system.

Secondary characters:

Giulia (she/her) - A nice girl who is Arielle's coworker and queerplatonic partner. She is like. A sunshine. Patrollieur. I will flesh her out better later but I love her.

Luna (she/her) - Kaiki's sister. They're around the same age and have a love/hate relationship. Sarcastic, seems confident, but actually is very troubled.

Tatiana (she/her) - Luna and Kaiki's older sister. She's on college and is autistic. She cares a lot about her siblings and usually tries to prevent them from getting at eachother's throats.

Estella (she/her) - Their younger sister. She is still a toddler and loves puzzles.

Aunt Alice (she/her) - The sibling's aunt and guardian. Their parents are divorced and the kids ended up living with her some years ago. She is a nice and caring guardian. Mostly.

Clarisse (she/her) - Tatiana's classmate. They're best friends and lots of people think they're dating.

[thecraftymagician]

I don’t remember if I sent in my request or not ; v ; ) sorry if I sent two in ahead of time— so Asra has to have some form of trauma from their whole ordeal, right? Like that’s a *lot* for a person, can you write something with reader taking care of/helping them through it? They’ve been strong for so long I think Asra deserves to “break” & be taken care of. Who more capable & willing then reader. I dunno if it’s ok to ask for some angst/hurt-comfort with a happy outcome? I hope this makes sense

Absolutely makes sense and I completely agree! There are a few spots in their route where you can get Asra to open up to you about things but it's typically the payed scenes and are pretty short. (All in all which is fair by NixHydra especially because I think each character has a good touch of the same treatment but yes.) This person needs at least a whole month of a break. Bare. Minimum. I know it's clear that Julian is my favorite but Asra is a close second and lord does their route make me want to battle the world for them UGH. This will definitely start out a bit angsty and is based on Asra's upright ending because tbh I'm still reeling. (I also just realized this is my 100th post whooo! Thank you so much for the ask, I'm sorry it took a while!)

Warnings: *Spoilers* for Asra's route, Angst!, Fluff! TW- Trauma, abandonment, d3ath

Asra (Upright Ending) Aftermath

It turned out to be a rather long night after everything was said and done. We had helped Nadia with the masquerade guests and made sure everyone was safe and sound. Needless to say the whole city needed a break so Nadia closed the palace just for the night so everyone could collect themselves. She was generous enough to let Asra share my room for the night seeing as since this all started the two of us had barely a moment to catch our breath let alone process everything. While I still felt my own head spinning there was only one thing, one person on my mind.

When we reach my room Asra ushered me inside with a smile before closing the door. I returned it as I studied their face, violet eyes twinkling in the dim light like starts. Beautiful but not quite hiding the evident exhaustion. Suddenly I was swept up in their arms and spun around. Their laugh was bright and contagious at always but dropped soon after. When my feet touched the ground again Asra kissed my cheek and walked over to the bed, talking a seat on the edge before falling back with a loud sigh. "I just.. still can't believe all of that. Wow.." They chuckled softly. My smile faltered and I took a seat next to them. "I know. It was.. alot." With their eyes closed Asra nodded and mumbled. "Understatement of the century." Instinctively, I reached over taking one of his hands in my own and gently massaged his palm. They smiled in content delight before I broke the silence again. "How are you doing?" "What, me? I'm great. Why are you alright?" His eyes met mind with concern as he sat up to face me. I shook my head before they could continue on. I didn't mean to worry them but.. "This isn't about me right now. I'm asking about you." I kept myself from pushing but kept my eyes on his features. Asra's aura seemed to tense despite the smile tugging at his lips. "MC.. I-I'm fine, no need to worry. Everything is.. great. Perfect even, right?" A shadow crossed his eyes as his bottom lip quivered, sending me scooting just a bit closer to them.

They chuckled once nervously before looking down. "I-I mean look we defeated the Devil of all things, saved the world, solved mysteries.. got back Faust and my.. my parents." Asra turned back to me, eyes brimming with tears. "After it all, you're still here even so everything is perfect." I could feel thing pinging in his heart through mine. The ache and hurt still swirling. I took the hand I was holding and put it to my heart, placing one of mine on his. "It's okay, Asra.. Just because everything is over with doesn't mean it wasn't still alot. You don't have to be brave for me right now. You're safe now, and I'm not going to let anything happen. I hope I've more than proved that to you now," I chuckled softly as I gently wiped a stray tear on their cheek. With a few quick sniffles the dams finally broke and Asra hugged me tightly, sobbing into my shoulder. I rubbed their back and hair. All I could do was hold them close to me and pour as much love into his heart as possible. After a while he pulled away, hiccupping between soft cries. "I know it hurts, it's okay. But I need you to take deep breaths with me okay?" With a nod I led us into one of his classic exercises. He smiled softy as I wiped his cheeks. "I-I'm sorry.. I guess I didn't realize how much I was carrying. I really did think everything was okay because.. well I had you by my side and everything just kept turning out better than I could've expected. But the thought of losing you or Muriel.. Losing Faust.. I know we got her back in the end but I was so terrified. A-And finding my parents.. I still can't believe that wasn't just some sick twisted game. I-I thought.. Well, I was never sure exactly but now.. They're here and that's wonderful but.. scary in it's own right." Their fingers ran through their snowy curls. While they continued talking out their feelings I continued to rub their back in soothing circles. "What if they don't actually like who I am now..? I'm not.. used to them anymore o-or even having.. parents. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. But even so I should just be grateful they're back, right?"

I wasn't used to this side of Asra but it wasn't bad. Honestly it was nice helping them open up about their feelings and work through all that had happened. "You can be grateful and nervous at the same time, Asra.. It seems like they love you just the same and I'm sure they'll love you even more as they get to know more about the person you've become." I didn't say what else I was thinking but they seemed to feel it like they had been the past few days. 'I know I did..' We smiled at each other and rested our foreheads together. They seemed to be doing better but these things definitely take time. Sometimes it helps to just let it out though. "No matter what happens I'll be right by your side, Asra." I gave them a quick peck before we got up to get ready to settle in for the night. If they weren't already worn out after the long day, they sure were after our talk but I think it was worth it. Asra fell asleep with their head on my shoulder, curled into my side and holding me close.

[that-girl-journeyy]

Productive morning routine <3

Note: this is not for everyday use, best for weekends or days you dont work/have school.

Soo, first post, kinda nervous tbh but in this i will kinda 'plan' my morning routine for tomorrow.

6.30- wake up

Waking up early has just something about it that is so fullfilling and satisfying, it makes the day seem longer and also has lots of advantages, like not being stressed and overwhelmed of all the things you have to do. Waking up early gives you enough time.

6.35- Make bed

Making my bed makes my morning feel complete and also makes your room look more organized automatically.

6.40- Organize room (if needed, if not it's just free time to be on my phone or just chill)

Sometimes i just don't have the motivation to clean/organize my room in the evening, that's why i do it in the morning because i have way more motivation in the morning than the evening.

6.55- skincare

Skincare in the morning doesn't take as long as my night routine, i'm always trying to keep it simple and short (i can do a post about skincare routines!).

7.20- make breakfast and tea/coffee

I always take time to prepare my food because i love it when my food looks pretty there's just something really motivating about it. I always eat some oats like muesli, bread or oat cookies. And obviously some fruits.

7.50- yoga and/or workout

There are so many good things about working out or doing yoga in the morning. I personally prefer working out more than yoga (i do yoga in the evening tho). I'm absolutley in LOVE with Daisy Keech's workouts!

Here is a playlist of them:

8.10- shower

Obviously i shower after working out to be fresh and clean again.

8.20- read/phone/tv

Time to relax a bit after working out.

9.00- study (if needed, if not you can still relax)

Studying in the morning is so much more productive than in the evening. And works even better for me with the 'pomodoro technique' (explained down below).

10.00- DONE!!

Great Job, you did it!! :))

If you read that, i hope i was a bit helpful and that you more understand why morning routines are great.

Ily♡

Also big thanks to @thatgirl-journey !! She really inspired and motivated me to get my life together♡♡

[biggest-stupidhead]

Hey! I have a request! We all need a little fluffy once in a while 😂 just a levi x reader but not as a couple, where the reader is getting married to another soldier (can be from the 104th or other, but the focus is levi and reader interaction) and she asks levi to walk her since she doesn't have a father and she sees him as a protective figure?

Thanks ♥️♥️♥️

Of course! I love this idea a lot btw :) I had too much fun writing this one tbh. 

I was listening to Work Song by Hozier and Pluto Projector by Rex Orange County while writing this if you wanna immerse yourself a little more <3

Summary: Your dad’s a dick but captain Levi saves the day. 

Word Count: 1.2K 

__

You wiped your clammy hands of the lace of your dress for the millionth time. Historia’s hands tugged at your hair as she braided it, you felt queasy. You’d waited for this day for so long, your whole life in fact. Not that marrying was your only aspiration in life, not by a long shot. But what little girl didn’t dream of walking down the aisle on her father’s arm, taking that leap with that one special person? Especially after all the shit that you’d been through, from fighting monsters, to overthrowing the government, saving the world that had forsaken your people. It was a whole ordeal, one that spared no time to chase romance or fairy tales. But at long last you’d found happiness, someone that understood your struggles, someone you could lean on in your weak moments. You weren’t nervous to marry Jean, he’d been nothing but perfect to you, a caring and intuitive lover. No you were nervous to see your father. He hadn’t been present in your life for sometime now, he was less than thrilled when you’d joined the military. He had wanted you to stay home and work for the family business as a bar maid, but you had bigger dreams. Your mother and siblings had arrived the day prior, but no sign of your father or even mention of him had been brought up. 

You winced when Historia tugged too hard on a strand of your hair to pull it into the half up style, something you hadn’t worn since you were young since you’d cut your hair shorter. 

“Sorry, I’m nearly finished.” She assured you as she spoke around the pins in her mouth. 

“It’s okay.” You said, this was far from the most painful experience that you’d had. A soft knock on the door made you tense up, hoping that it was your mother with news of your father. 

“Come in!” Historia said, not turning away from her work. The door creaked open and in wandered Mikasa, who was wearing her formal military attire. She closed the door softly behind herself, she came and sat beside you on a chair, following your gaze into the vanity. 

“You look stunning.” She complimented, grey eyes soft and almost proud. 

“Thank you.” You sighed as Historia finished your hair. 

“All done!” She said with a clap of her hands. 

“Thank you so much Historia.” You thanked her as you stood to  accept the hand held mirror she offered to you to examine her hard work. 

“It looks lovely, really it does.” You gushed as you studied the intricate braid that held the hair off your face. 

“It does” Mikasa assured Historia who smiled proudly, her hand on your shoulder. 

“It’s almost time.” Historia gushed, her eyes going to the small clock that ticked away on the wall. 

“Has my dad-” You started, but the look on Mikasa’s face told you all you needed to know. 

“Oh...” The disappointment was familiar yet crushing all the same. The girls gave you sympathetic looks as you inhaled a deep breath to steel yourself. Just like the rest of you life, you would be walking into this next chapter without him by your side. 

“It’s fine, I’ll just...walk down the aisle and.” Your voice caught in your throat, you hated this, hated that you’d gotten your hopes up. 

“You want me to get your mom?” Mikasa offered and you shook your head, you would do this alone. 

“I can ask...Hange to-” Historia started but trailed off, a new thought coming to her. 

“Or Levi?” She offered, her hand still grounding you to reality. Your eyebrow raised at the thought, it made sense. He had been with you since your cadet days, a constant figure in your life, in all of your lives. 

“Please, can you get him.” You managed to choke out, Mikasa stood quickly and stalked out, determination glued to her features. Historia engulfed you in a tight hug, which you eagerly returned as you waited for Levi. 

__ 

Mikasa returned to the large hall, filled with scouts and the few family members that still lived after the years. It was an intimate ceremony, with only the closest family and friends, so when Mikasa found Levi sitting next to Hange in the front row, she knelt down and whispered three simple words: “She needs you.” 

That was all she had to say for Levi to stand and stalk towards the back of the church, where you were getting ready. His head buzzed with all the possibilities, were you hurt? Having second thoughts? Mikasa watched him with a pleased expression before going to stand with the other bridesmaids at the front, Sasha shot her a confused expression but said nothing. 

Levi stopped outside of the dressing room, his hand raised to knock when the door flew open and there was Historia who looked relieved to see him. 

“Captain-” 

“Where is she?” He asked, his eyes looking past the small blonde to see you, wide eyed and lip quivering. Historia slid past him, as he entered the room, you looked beautiful, it seemed like just yesterday that you were a little brat, eager to serve your country. Now you were a woman, it was apparent now more than ever, with the stunning dress that fit you perfectly. 

“Captain-” You said, lifting your chin despite the pained look in your eyes. Something that Levi hated seeing on you or any of his other cadets. 

“What is it (Y/n)? What do you need?” He asked, crossing the room to stand in front of you. Your lips quivered and you brought a hand to cover your face as a small sob wracked your shoulders. 

“He didn’t come. My dad didn’t come.” Levi frowned at your words, he knew how it felt to lack a father figure all too well. Not knowing what to say, he simply reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He grabbed your wrist tenderly and pulled your hand from your face, wiping the tears off your rosy cheeks softly to not ruin your makeup. You sniffled and looked at him with watery eyes. 

“Lets go, he’s waiting for you.” Levi said, as he folded the fabric and pushed it back into his pocket. You nodded, a relieved smile gracing your lips. He held out his arm for you, his expression apathetic as always, but his grey eyes were soft and patient. You threaded your arm through his and squeezed, a silent thank you. He led you out of the room to the large hall, pausing at the door to give you one last look, you looked better. More like the determined and strong cadet that he had raised. 

“Ready?” He asked softly as the pianist began to play. You nodded and he reached behind you to put the veil over your face before the two of you walked slowly into the room. Gabi walked in front of you, throwing petals down before you as you walked down the aisle, Falco a few steps ahead of her with the rings. The two of you reached the stage, Levi stopped there and you found yourself missing his steady hold, but you turned and thanked him in a soft voice. His gave you one of his rare smiles as you unlinked your arms and took the next step in your life. 

[noodlepai]

(OKAY okay so I've come to provide more information on the AU, I'm still working on it a lot so things might change or be added but I got a basic idea of what things are like rn !!)

Info dump moment rn, also TW for slight trauma mentions/hints

• Sam had managed to save the Wii from melting itself all those years ago, and is a pretty big person on tech, so she likes to experiment and try new things, and actively tries to help Eteled out or transfer him through devices so he isn't just stuck in one place all the time, with lots of trial and tons of error, especially since she knows the Wii's getting old and that it can be unstable occasionally with glitches

• Kyle has also taken a liking to learning more about technology through Sam's influence so he sometimes comes over and they both will just study and brainstorm ideas

• Sam moved out of her home and now lives in her own apartment, is in college to pursue her dream of working around and creating technology, hasn't really considered making a job out of it since she mostly does it for fun and likes to achieve her dream goals, Nathan and Kyle also occasionally visit to just hang out and do whatever, usually resulting in the three staying up very late into a movie or game night, and Eteled having to talk Sam into getting sleep for the next morning

• Even though Sam is big on all tech, consoles and video games, she still has a soft spot for old generation consoles in particular

• Sam, Nathan and Kyle had all gotten pretty close growing up so they're like a dumbass trio /lh

• Will moved out of state or some shit

• Kyle wakes up from his villain arc and makes a truce with Eteled /J.. FR though Kyle softens up and becomes more understanding of Eteled's side after they start talking it out, while what happened did bother him at the time all those years ago, he just kinda grew up to the point where it didn't have such of an effect on him anymore, I mean all he saw was a Mii get slice and diced, no need to go beast mode over it, so they forgive each other of the past

• Kyle and Nathan are besties to homosexuals, homie love

• Sam made a Mii of herself from when she was younger to keep Eteled company when going out or having to attend school, Eteled appreciated it but wouldn't wanna admit how it wasn't the same and about how much he would miss Sam when she had to get off the Wii

• Gives Eteled abandonment issues because I love being evil

• He's actually clingy on the inside but would never admit it to anyone

• Also views Sam as a sort of daughter figure besides just a friend but is too nervous to mention it, he wants Sam to be safe, loves whenever she talks or rants to him about anything or shows him something she made or is proud of, or even just anything at all, father Eteled is proud of his child/bestie

• He like, genuinely feels loved around her and would definitely cry about it but would never show it, or at least try not to

• Eteled has the favorite Mii pants because Sam put them on him, with quote "I think it's about time my best friend gets to rock a new style", and yes it did make him almost cry on the spot

• Austin is like, mentally conflicted as hell

• Austin and Eteled both feel guilty for what they've done to each other over the years, aren't sure they can or are ready to forgive the other but they're very slowly learning to tolerate each other

• They're like enemies to kinda friends in a way

• They're traumatized mfs

• They still sometimes fight but it's usually just yelling or saying shit now, they don't do the chair, deletion or axe really anymore since they at least got to the point where they respect each other's boundaries and triggers, and there's no point to keep doing the same old for over 10+ years, for the most part, they still slip up sometimes

• They do fuck up though occasionally so that's why Eteled has scars and Austin is a bit more bashed up

• They still have a rooted dislike for each other they're trying to get over but they sometimes chill out or talk, usually when Sam is asleep or off the Wii for a while, the two just will maybe visit or sit around to at least try to understand the other better

• Sam knows Austin is still around, and it took a while but with time she grew to accept him when he didn't seem like a big threat anymore, and that he was just as important of a soul as Eteled was, she still didn't like the fights and didn't know the full story

• She'd probably section them away from the other with a child gate if she could

• Austin of course has an ego and would never tell another soul that he has many nightmares of the server room and about what happens if he gets caught off guard or is sleeping when Eteled decides to attack him again, Eteled wouldn't do that, and Austin knows it but it's just the deep rooted fear he can't get rid of, even though he's much taller and technically more powerful than the smaller Mii

• Eteled is just tired, usually just sleeps in the Mii channel, especially when under stress or tires himself out if he's going through a moment, like triggered memories or emotions

• From all the deleting and the chair, and more crap from his early life, Eteled is just terrified of it all so even the idea of them scares the fuck out of him, so as a natural response he just tries to defend himself with his axe even if he would be shaking like a chicken, he really tries not to pull it out but he can't always stop himself

• The axe itself would probably also bother Austin a bit, but he would still try to cautiously calm Eteled down since he knows he's just afraid, so afterwards they'd probably have to awkwardly apologize for what the fuck happened at that very moment

• Sam sometimes offers them both to play a game together with her, or plans on playing with Eteled and invites Austin along, as a way to make them bond, they do end up having some fun though

• Eteled has seen and/or been around or within newer Nintendo consoles, but personally prefers being in the Wii since he's used to it the most, and it's the most comfortable and homey to him

• Oh yeah, if Austin or Eteled is having an episode or is deeply upset then the other will try to help sometimes if it's really bad, Austin tries to hide it more but it doesn't always work, yeah they have reasonable reasons to not like the other, but they aren't complete assholes

• They both got trauma memories and aren't gonna just watch the other suffer through it

• Austin may or may not have taken in what Eteled had said all that time ago about "Learning to move past the past", even though that technically makes Eteled a hypocrite when he's constantly beating himself up about shit mentally, even after years, they are both doing it tbh

• Also Kyle doesn't know about Austin 100% but is curious to know his story and who he is and used to be, and how he got in the Wii, especially after the passing of his family member of the same name, little does he know..

• Sam also doesn't know about any of it, neither Sam or Kyle know of what happened or Austin's story, Austin being in a tight spot since he doesn't wanna reveal his identity yet, knowing the possible reaction, for Eteled's sake, Sam's and especially Kyle's, and Eteled being absolutely fucking terrified since the fear of losing someone like Sam could become real, and the small but growing friendship he was slowly making with Kyle could go right back to hatred and wanting the small Mii deleted, not including the fact that he still eats at himself for his past actions so it being brought back up again would be a ✨mess✨

• Austin doesn't know if he forgives Eteled or not, but wants to try to move past it and not be reminded in any way

• Nathan is still a little lowkey scared of Eteled ngl, doesn't wanna upset him or anything and Eteled can tell, he probably sighs to himself but he can't blame the guy

• Kyle has thought about making another Mii of himself on what is now long been Sam's Wii, now that he's older and him and Eteled are rather chill, but decided against it since he wasn't sure, not because he didn't trust Eteled, but because he figured it could potentially remind the Mii of the past, so whenever he plays on it he just uses Eteled

(That's all I can really recall on the top of my head for now, whenever I remember more or add on things I'll probably make a new post about it)

[mira--mira]

Hi! I was wondering

How do you think Hashirama and Madara would be in a Road to Ninja version?

I remember once reading a Hashimada fic (which I never finished RIP) that was about Madara appearing in the RTN universe and the 3 things that stucked with me were:

1.- Madara was the first Hokage (something that Madara thought was horrible when he saw his sculpted face on the Hokage mountain 🤣)

And personally I think that it would not have been like that even in the RTN universe because we didn't see his face along with the other faces of Hokages in the movie (Yeah, apparently I'm basing myself on a movie which I'm not even sure if it's canon or not, even though Kishimoto wrote it) and the RTN characters didn't seem to even know who Madara is.

2.- Hashirama having his bowlcut as an adult

And I agree with the Madara from that fanfic, it looks awful on him. Hashirama, babe, I'm sorry but the only ones who can rock that style are Guy Sensei and Rock Lee, I know you just were trying to be cool but it doesn't suite you.

3.- Tobirama was a porn writer

Instead of being a fan of forbidden jutsu and creating justus, he wrote porn novels a la Jiraiya. And I'll hold that headcanon with my dead hands.

The only other fanfic that places the founders in the RTN universe is one where the protagonist is Mito (it's an interesting one-shot that pairs her with Itama 🤔)

She was kind of a shy person 🤔? And so it was Tobirama 🤣 which I found fun.

Hashirama, as the first fanfic I mentioned, was the Tobirama of the place (saddenly Madara wasn't in this fic).

So I would like to know what are your versions of the founders (or only Hashirama and Madara if it is too much) in the RTN universe! And how do you think things would be

Hmm, RTN is an interesting concept to me but, to be honest, I don't think Konoha would exist if a lot of personalities got flipped 😂 I haven't read any RTN fics with the founders, but if you, or anyone else, have links at hand I'd love to check them out 👀

1. Madara

Here's the big one and the crux of why I don't think the village would exist. Typically I characterize Madara as an extremely responsible man who internalizes things when he shouldn't, takes himself way too seriously, is aggressive and abrasive even to people he loves sometimes, but genuinely loves the people closest too him. Reversing this would make a character that slacks off, takes no responsibility, and is completely passive in life and has fleeting attachments to others around him. Assuming he wouldn't die on the battlefield, I could see the RTN "alternate" personality coming about of Madara's being so overpowered and competent that he loses interest and distances himself from things before he can get attached and lose them.

It makes building a village very hard though. (At first I was tempted to go RTN Sasuke route and maybe RTN!Madara is a little more openly flirty than canon!Madara, but the passivity and refusal to take responsibility would be the "core" qualities for me.)

2. Hashirama

Hashirama is a bit weird because he has a lot of surface-level "conflicting" traits in canon. He is optimistic but he pushes beyond his natural attitude and uses it as a mask to hide instead of addressing his feelings. He's mischievous, likes jokes and games, and can be a bit hedonistic with his pleasure but can equally be serious when necessary and will willingly sacrifice for others around him. And simultaneously, Hashirama and Madara are connected by a shared sense of idealism but also anger. Hashirama is a very kind, but extremely angry, man. I think a RTN!Hashirama would share a kind of apathy of RTN!Madara but instead of passivity his lack of anger would manifest as cruelty. Because canon!Hashirama is angry but his anger is usually a righteous kind. I don't think RTN!Hashirama would go out of his way to be cruel, but he doesn't have the empathy of canon!Hashirama, especially to others' suffering. He enjoys fighting just a bit too much and has no qualms about killing. In his mind, he should always come first in any situation and prioritizing (or even considering) others' is effort and him going out of his way to be "nice" and the other should be thankful. Similarly if he feels any negative emotion, he won't bottle it up and swallow it down, he'll immediately address it, usually confrontationally. RTN!Hashirama is as intelligent as his canon counterpart but he doesn't suffer fools and he hates it when people underestimate him. He's pretty proud and vain, tbh.

I really don't think the above would make him the "Tobirama" of RTN verse. To me Hashirama and Tobirama have different core values and perspectives and inverting Hashirama's doesn't make it become Tobirama's, if that makes sense. This one is also wordy bc I immediately knew how RTN!Madara would be RTN!Hashirama is a bit harder to pin down. But I hope it's clear why I have doubts about the village existing...maybe if RTN!Hashirama got it in his mind as a pet project for the hell of it, that he'd be a better leader for the country and not just the Senju alone, and RTN!Madara liked the idea of no responsibility and being able to detach even further than he already was? But that's still kind of grasping for a reason.

3. Hashimada

Equally I think any Hashirama/Madara relationship would be ehhh. They definitely wouldn't have the overwhelming bond of their canon counterparts, and it could be a relationship ripe for unhappiness. The closest I can think of to making the ship work is RTN!Madara would be drawn to Hashirama's absurd level of self-confidence and able to let the casual cruelty slide off instead of getting worked up about it. In a way RTN!Hashirama is stable and predictable. If he's pretty overpowered, there's less of a chance RTN!Madara would lose him, so their relationship isn't deep but it's more or less dependable and Madara knows exactly what he's going to get. In contrast RTN!Hashirama has an audience in the form of RTN!Madara and a partner that's not going to push back against his ideas. RTN!Madara doesn't ask for much and he doesn't complain when RTN!Hashirama puts himself first. He doesn't want, or might not be capable of, the deep emotional bond their canon counterparts have. RTN!Madara wouldn't leave Konoha (if it existed) in the AU, because he doesn't really care. If someone upset RTN!Hashirama and he decided to leave to 'do it right' RTN!Madara would probably follow, maybe out of some loyalty for RTN!Hashirama but mostly because it's what's easiest.

4. Tobirama

The core of Tobirama's character to me is prioritizing logic over emotion and both a conscious and unconscious failure to realize he can't completely eliminate emotion. Tobirama loves his brother, he's curious and has a desire to find out what makes things work and is willing to bend morality to get results if it'll serve a greater good. He's very aware of the unfairness of the world but believes it's an unspoken truth of humanity and can only be mitigated through logical means, but never completely erased. He'll be the sacrificial lamb, the one that works in shadows so his brother can have his utopian dream. Despite everything, he loves his genin, the strongest bonds he has aside from Hashirama, and does try to instill in them lessons he think will help them and lead to peace and stability in the village. He's still influenced by the prejudices of his time and can never find it in him to truly forgive the Uchiha.

A RTN!Tobirama would be a man ruled by emotion. Him writing erotica all day definitely could be one way this manifests lol. But overall he's sensitive and spiritual and can't stand the idea of killing. He and RTN!Hashirama don't get along and he actively tries to avoid his brother. RTN!Tobirama has equally strong principles as canon!Tobirama, but they're pacifist in nature and while he likes his studies, he prefers to be out talking to people and learning from them first hand. He's very naive and can be easily taken advantage of and he has trouble focusing on any one thing for too long. No matter how many times this happens, he never can harden his heart or be overly suspicious of others. RTN!Tobirama would most likely be the one support peace in this AU. He embraces the Uchiha and all the Senjus past enemies with open arms, almost to a foolish degree. It'd be a bad idea if he became hokage in this AU because he's a terrible negotiator and has a bad people-pleasing streak and struggles with long-term tactics. With the exception of RTN!Hashirama, who he considers an aberration who doesn't have a soul, humans at their core all have good intentions at heart.

5. Mito

I characterize Mito as a very level-headed woman. Her marriage to Hashirama is political in nature but they grow to be good friends and she never expected to fall in love and she's glad Hashirama didn't want a traditional wife. Mito is devoted to her community work (she works hands-on with people in the village), she seeks out connections with others and, despite the distance, remains close with her family in Uzushio, constantly writing them letters. She's spiritual and follows the Uzumakis' beliefs (not gonna list this OoT spoiler lol) and studies fuinjutsu in her spare time, something she's done since she was a child. She is willing to sacrifice if it meant protecting something she considered greater than herself, much to her own personal detriment. She loves and is proud of her children and grandchildren, but if she had a choice, she would have chosen to remain childless, she finds her true calling elsewhere.

RTN!Mito, similarly to RTN!Tobirama, is ruled by emotions. She dreams of one day making a good marriage for herself and centers romance and being a mother as her ideal life, but she's extremely picky when it comes picking the perfect husband. RTN!Mito knows how much she's worth and she refuses to settle and will not even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. She has a hard time forming long-lasting, deep bonds with other people and views starting her own family as the solution to this problem. At times she can be a bit absent-minded and unintentionally selfish, but she's not actively malicious. She blusters a lot and depending on the situation can come off as cold and uncaring, but it's only to hide the depth of her true feelings and loneliness. In this AU she would absolutely refuse to marriage RTN!Hashirama. Nothing on hell or earth, could make her change her mind.

Mito is such a blank-slate character it feels like writing an oc more than a canon character, tbh. And this is something I don't see brought up a lot but a "heart full of love" to combat the kyuubi's hatred to me has never been exclusive to romantic or familial (to children) love. *cough* I want a complex female character who's not vilified for not wanting to have children and/or regretting having them *cough* Mito's "love" was for the people of Konoha and Uzushio. My personal headcanon regarding her and Hashirama's child (I don't think she had more than one) was that she was dedicated to her son, but quickly realized being a mother wasn't her dream or something she even actively liked. The kid was well-cared for and she was dutiful towards him, but Hashirama was the parent that loved and embraced him with his whole heart and it led to some tension between Mito and her son as the kid could tell the difference and neither of them were "wrong" to feel the way they did. This is why Tsunade was shown with Hashirama instead of Mito, he was a lot more present in her life when she was young (instead of Kishi just not having made Mito as a character yet). But after Hashirama and Tsunade's dad died (and then Nawaki), she and Mito grew close but it was definitely more of a friendship or student/mentor relationship rather than a traditional grandmother/granddaughter relationship but both were satisfied with it and loved eachother. Likewise I didn't want RTN!Mito's characterization to be shallow and hit misogynistic undertones with her being an "opposite" to Mito's calm, level-headed, focused on her work/passions characterization.

6. Closing thoughts

#1: Wow this got long #2: I feel conflicted about RTN because it seemed to flip surface-level characteristics instead of deep characterizations, and ignored flaws altogether. The ones above, esp. Hashirama and Madara's, are kind of dark in a way? But that's the only way it makes sense to me...Gai and Lee caring about style and being stylish is a funny joke but if you were to actually poke and prod and say their personalities were inverted, neither of them would be top-notch ninja as we know...unless I'm just completely misremembering RTN because I realize it's been years since I saw it lol. Anyway, hope this was entertaining!

[since-it-must-be-so]

Choujin X: Chapter 1

So I'm really excited to read more of Sui Ishida's newest manga, and I'm arriving just in time for the front seats! I don't want to let this pass without writing down my thoughts on the first chapter and possibly look at it in the future as the story progresses. You can read it here:

Having said that, please note there will be spoilers ahead!

Tomato Girl

The chapter starts with this cute little girl with that native(?) farmer-like hat, who supposedly grows big fruits (it's huge in Japan, look it up!). I think she will also be a main character since she's the first person we see. From this point I'll call her Tomato Girl. She is obviously from a rural area and is a farmer. We see her motivation is money (and that big dog... which, I think we will see in the future lol). She also wants to marry a "handsome goldilocks hubbie", lol. Wonder if this means she's going to be a love interest of the other cast? She also wants to have 9 kids. Naki and Miza, is that you?! Lol. So here, we have a girl with lofty aspirations! We shall see if any of this will happen or if it will change or if she's lying!

Also an observation - Tomato Girl is also close with her granddad, since she said she's going to the contest in lieu of her granddad (whose back was hurt). She obviously has this strong personality, standing up to the creepy bad guy, who was going to hit the old lady.

Bad Guy

The Bad Guy (since this guy doesn't have a name yet) is obviously a terrorist-for-hire. Also seems to be obsessed with beauty and elegance. I would guess his power lies in blowing things up?

I think, though, that Tomato Girl is a choujin herself, considering she didn't immediately get blown away. Plus, Bad Guy was on fire, and so was she. So, it doesn't necessarily mean Tomato Girl is already dead. She also seems to be reaching out to the Bad Guy as that scene ends.

It's later revealed that despite the plane crash, there were 200 survivors. Hmmmmmmm. Maybe they were turned into choujins?Only the hull was burned but the frame wasn't.

Tokio Kurohara and Azuma Higashi

Yes, the MC! He's notices the plane catching fire. Then, for some reason, Tokio's teacher (Ms. Bazonkas) has a weird voluptuous design. BUT, I think there's something afoot there. She might actually also be a choujin. Possibly a mentor role for Tokio? She seems to be very knowledgeable.

Anyway, going back to Tokio. He's introduced as a sixteen-year-old high school sophomore from Tsuru High. Like any high school kid, he finds studying math to be useless. We're also shown that lives in a district which has destroyed buildings. Possibly dystopian future?

We next find a girl getting harassed by a Mohawk guy and his 2 honchos. Tokio calls for someone, turns out to be Azuma. I just thought it's funny how he called for Azuma, he sounds like a police officer. Haha. But right after, Azuma is introduced, flying from a building.. a very dramatic, heroic entrance. He kinda looks like a hybrid of Haise and Armin from AOT for me. Haha. He's so cute and tiny but he's strong and is apparently the town hero. He breaks the arm of the thug, which Tokio thinks is going too far.

The girl seems to be a pretty girl, and I think she will play a role later on. She's a lot older than them, since she said she's going to an interview. She will possibly a love interest or a villain, but I think more of the latter. I just read CSM so I'm wary of pretty girls lol. Anyway, I think there's something there to link her with Azuma, considering, Azuma introduces both Azuma and Tokio but she only seems to thank or acknowledge Azuma. Tokio even says "don't mention it" even if the girl didn't even thank him, lol.

Azuma and Tokio talk about the plane crash, and it's revealed that choujins seem to abuse their power, and that the attack is kinda normal. We look at their hometown which is really wrecked. Buildings are dilapitated in an abnormal manner -- one building looks like it was done in with a circular force... They live in Yamato Prefecture which is described as an ordinary, self-governed prefecture with some areas partially destroyed. Wonder what self-governed means, but my guess is that it's kinda like a state and the national government is different altogether.

Roly-Poly

Well I never really thought of pill bugs or rolly pollies until I read this. Azuma talks about how roly polies roll around in dry areas and when they find a damp rock, they hide under it. He questions if the roly polies like damp places. And Azuma wonders if choujins are anything like roly-polies. Tokio is confused, so am I. I'm not going to make solid convictions what he means by it, but I think... what Azuma is driving at is that, roly polies and choujins DON'T like damp places. I don't know, I have no reason for this, it's just a guess. We'll see what Azuma means eventually. Haha.

It also appears that choujins are generally bad guys, since Azuma wonders why they don't use their power for good. Maybe something about being a choujin corrupts? Just a guess based on the succeeding events.

They end their conversation with Azuma thinking if he can help with the plane crash. Tokio comments, "seems noble of you" and Azuma says, "it's just a habit". Wonder if Tokio finds Azuma pretentious or if he's genuinely impressed. Azuma's answer is also quite concerning, "just a habit", a question arises if he's sincere in helping in the first place.

The Mohawk Guy

So this guy is supposed to be a funny, evil villain, now bent on exacting revenge from Azuma. Then, a guy (possibly gay guy because he is wearing a lipstick?) with a briefcase offers him an injection.

Tokio's Family

So Tokio has a bigger sister and a dad who seems to be very quiet. Not sure if that's their dad though, it wasn't clear. It's possible they don't have parents anymore and that guy is just an associate. Anyway, it appears that the sister pays Tokio's tuition and she's the breadwinner.

Tokio and his sister talk about Azuma. Azuma is apparently very smart, very athletic (proficient in judo and karate), girls love him, and that his dad is a big shot in the police. The sister questions why Tokio is so proud, and Tokio funnily admits that it's because he feels popular because Azuma is popular. A leech!

Vulture

I just finished re-reading Tokyo Ghoul and :re, and I was blown away by Ishida's art and story. To say I love Kaneki is an understatement. I think I'm going to love Tokio too! I also want to discuss the cover.

So it appears that the cover is the Tokio with an image of a vulture. Tokio is naked and it feels like the vulture is seducing him. From here, I get the vibe that Tokio might be corrupted by the power. "It's something of an affliction" is a dead giveaway. It feels like becoming a choujin or superhuman also corrupts, in a way?

Also since, there seems to be a commentary on the negative view on vultures being scavengers or "steals prey". (Though TBH I always thought vultures wait around for the predator to finish eating and then it eats the scraps??)

On the other hand, Azuma, Tokio's best friend who's mighty strong and brave (almost to a fault), is viewed as a lion by his peers. Also, an uncanny observation is the when Tokio cries about while sitting on the floor, above him is a hyena. Hyenas are known to prey on the carcasses of lions' prey.

It's almost uncanny when Tokio himself says, "I can be a lion too". But Azuma makes Tokio feel better by telling him that buzzards can fly higher than any bird -- telling Tokio to focus on the strength

But even if Tokio admires Azuma, Tokio thinks of telling Azuma when he's going too far. I think this comes from a place of concern. But maybe secretly he's also jealous?

Tokio also even tells Azuma that maybe they should hold hands so Tokio can be more like Azuma, implying that Tokio wants to be like Azuma.

Praying Mantis

Just before Flexi Choujin attacks, Tokio mentions that he bought an insect guidebook and was about to say a factoid about praying mantis near water. I wonder what Tokio was about to say? A search on the internet about praying mantis and water shows this disgusting video of a parasite exiting the praying mantis leaving the mantis to die. Ew. Let's see if this is the factoid Tokio was thinking of. If so, who's the mantis and who's the parasite? Is it Azuma and Tokio, respectively? Hmm. Also, love the insect symbolism. Throwback to Kaneki's centipede!

Flexi Choujin Attack (Johnny Kiyoshi Takeyama)

Mohawk Guy, now a choujin, is a flexi monster who's now more resistant to hits. He attacks Azuma indiscriminately with his new powers. He also kinda goes crazy... His subordinates fear his super violent side, begging him to go back to his "kinda naughty mama boy self", but he ends up snapping their heads off.

For some reason 2 injections fly up into the air?! Maybe someone tossed it. Because as Tokio brought Azuma to the water and brought him back out, he sees the 2 injections. Azuma wants to use it on himself.

Tokio hesitates to have Azuma use it but Azuma insists. Tokio remembers how Azuma saved him from bullies as a kid, and they agreed that Tokio will help Azuma beat the bad guys... Tokio gets the other injection and points to himself. Azuma says Tokio can't but Tokio insists because he feels that it's the only way to stay friends with Azuma. They also promise each other that they will have no regrets over this. This is kinda alarming for me!! Let's see what it will mean in the future.

But instead of both of them transforming into a powerful choujin, only Tokio transforms into one. He looks like a vulture, very beast-like. Looks even like Kaneki's Centipede! I think the other injection might have resulted in a bad/weak power, or maybe it's empty, or maybe Tokio didn't inject Azuma? But I doubt the last one. Anyway, Tokio's choujin look is amazing!

Can't help but feel this scene is related to the praying mantis thing... Maybe my hunch is correct? The parasite exits the mantis when near water, which is why Tokio manages to muster up some courage on his own?

We'll see!! I'm really excited to see this develop. It will be the first manga I will be able to see from the start to finish!

[khaleesiofalicante]

OH MY GOD! ITS HAPPENING! Its only the summary and I’m emo 😂 I should be studying for my exams, but I have tomorrow for that ;)

Ok, lets do this:

UDHWIJSHW THEY ARE SO CUTE FOR EACH OTHER I CANT-

"He preferred to hide his heart away. But he couldn’t hide David. He didn’t want to. David deserved to be seen." Like father like son. Both speeking poetry about their love ones. (and no, Idk which father I'm talking about 😂)

“I don’t think they are fake dating,” David hummed from the other end. “You don’t talk for hours every night if you are just fake dating.” (THANK YOU DAVID! SOMEONE THAT ITS NOT BLIND)

"They like doing chores. Let them do it. They fight demons all day and then come home and do chores. I feel like it’s their form of therapy. They need this.”“So, by not helping them, we are technically helping them?” Bapa had asked and Max had nodded with a grin. “Shadowhunters are weird.” “True dat,” Max had laughed. They were all weirdos. But Max loved them anyway. He loved his weird shadowhunters. (The domesticity lf this is killing me in a good way🥺)

“Will you on a date with me? Tomorrow?” Max asked then – because why the hell not. (Hell yeah Max. Go big or go home babe😎)

“This date is going to be the best first date in the history of first of dates.” In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have said that. (I'm already feeling his chaotic ass will do something like Magnus did, but lets keep hope)

"Maybe Lexi and Liv would probably enjoy a date – a fake date - in the arcade." Could I be more in love with both of them?? Is that physically possible?? 💙

Elyaas giving Max dating advice!! Lmaooo 😂😂

"His parents would not be pleased if they knew Max was summoning demons for relationship advice. But they had also encouraged Max to make friends with everyone regardless of their identity. So, technically this was their fault. They gave him very mixed messages."  YOU LIL SHIT. YOU ARE NOT WRONG THO...

FUCK. An attack??

You lil shit Max.

Yep, Rafael has to deal with it everyday 😂

OOMG YESS. THE ALIANCE RUNE!!

"So, when he got tired, he would simply fix the problem by eating. It was a win-win to be honest." I feel like I should say something, but tbh it makes sense

Ok, this fight is intense

Wait. Anjali is there???  What?

Oh ok, it wasn’t

“Say the thing!”Rafael groaned and raised his hands, the alliance rune lighting up.“I’m not just a shadowhunter,” Rafael said through gritted teeth. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.” I'm dead 😂

THAT SCENE WAS EVERYTHING. LOVE THOSE TWO

“Well, demons are stupid,” Max pointed out. “Yeah, that makes sense,” Rafael said with a mouthful of food. “You are half demon after all.” “Asshole,” Max laughed and punched his brother.

“Text dad we are okay,” Rafael said, slowly recovering. “They will worry.”Max nodded and did that. (This just summ up sibling relationships so well *chef kiss*)

“It can be hard, Max. Bapak and dad…Sometimes I look at them and feel like I will never have what they have.” YUP. THEY HAVE SIBLINGS DYNAMIC. ALSO RAFAEL IS JUST 🥺🥺🥺

David got wounded???

Oh ok. False alarm.

Rafael sat down next to him and put Bapak’s head on his lap, gently massaging it.

“Are you okay?” dad knelt down next to his husband. “Just a little tired,” Bapak replied.A little tired. Max knew Bapak was fucking exhausted."  "Bapak never showed it. He never complained. Max wondered what else he hid away from everyone else." “Okay,” dad whispered and kissed his husband on the head. “Get some rest, my love.” Bapak nodded and closed his eyes as Rafael hummed something softly. (Well, now I'm crying 😭😭)

" His niece found an herbal medication that helps with the pain.” ANJALI!! I LOVE HER💙💙

"Dad finally smiled and went out to the balcony, phone in hand. He seemed to hang out in the balcony a lot lately" No no no. I dont like this. Babe find a better copying mechanism!!

"Bapak smiled then. A brilliant grin. The one dad probably fell in love with." jsyeihdiej I cant🥺💙

"Bapak sniffed when dad sat down next to him and gave him an odd look. But he didn’t say anything." Magnus tell him something. I dont like where this is going😭

“Does that mean Bapak is a capitalist?” Max asked. “Do not drag me into this!” Bapak protested and dad laughed at that" Ahh yess. Typical family discussions 😂

"David: Mr Herondale yelled “Yes! Two out of three!” (😂😂 I HONESTLY LAUGHED WAY TO HARD!!)

“Well, no! I don’t want drama. But I want you to be dramatic so I can tell you not to be dramatic!” I would like to say WHAT? but I honestly get it 😂

“Also, we all know you had an embarrassing crush on Uncle Jace growing up,” Rafael snickered. “And you definitely still have a crush on Uncle Jem.” Oh god 😂😂 but I mean... Who doesn't have a crush on Jem?

“Oh yeah?” Max demanded. “Well then let me explain your type. You are probably going to fall for someone who is like a combination of Aunt Izzy and Aunt Lily! Some femme fatale type who is a heartbreaker and looks like a supermodel and-” Boy got it right huh? 😂

“You two are dating?” dad demanded. “Since when? Who else knows about this? Why didn’t you tell us before? Were you dating when you were in London? Magnus, did you know about this?” “There you go!” Max yelled triumphantly. “That’s the dramatic reaction I was looking for. Thanks, dad!” lmaooo 😂😂

"And that’s how the next hour turned out to be the most painful and most embarrassing hour of his life." I. I have no words

“I’ll have you know this conversation utterly traumatized me. I demand financial compensation.” “Not happening,” dad said into his coffee, and Max groaned before walking back into his room. (THAT FAMILY 😂😂)

" I tried to hurt your father once.” OH no, the angst is coming

" He didn’t know about this. He knew about their story. Everyone did. The accords hall kiss. The fight in Edom. The changing of the law. Their love was legendary. Not this!" THIS IS BRINGING BACK SO MANY FLASHBACKS

“All I know is that I was terrified. I love your father. I love Magnus more than anything in the world. And I didn’t want to lose him. And I didn’t know what to do.” 😭😭 NOT AGAIN!!

"When you love someone so much, sometimes you do crazy things.” THIS

" Love had made a fool out of them. Love had made them blind." Yup. tsc: a summary

"When you love someone, you have to be honest with them" And THAT is character development!!

"They called it The Jem effect." I'm using this from now on 😂💙💙

"Uncle Jem was wearing a tank top and and ripped jeans." So its time for SIMP over Jem Carstairs? Okey then.

"In fact, he used to have a crush on both Tessa and Jem. It’s how he had found he was bisexual." Same here 😂

“MINA! I SWEAR TO LILITH I AM GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!” OH MY GOD I LOVE MINA!!

“In my defense, I was busy!!” “Oooo, someone has been getting busy!” Mina WINKED. (You lil shit! I love her 💙)

He didn’t know he could blush!!!

" They had gone to hell and back for Roman. It wouldn’t have been possible if not for Catarina. She was, and always has been, a miracle worker." Again, I love my queen💙💙

“I believe in Mavid supremacy.” ME TOO

"There is something so queer about Ferris wheels!" Someone needed to say this

"They had their own space in the spiral fucking labyrinth. These fucking legends." I BELIEVE IN WARLOCK TEAM SUPREMACY

"But Ragnor had always had a soft spot for Rafael." 🥺🥺

I love my warlock squad so much I cant-

Ragnor is so done😂

“I don’t want to lose him,” Max said it out loud for the first time. “But you will, Max,” Catarina said gently. “Everyone loses people they love. Every day. It’s how life works.” (its to early to be crying)

“Yes, we do,” Ragnor replied. “But it also means we fall in love over and over. Century after century. It’s our blessing.” (these warlocks are just to perfect)

“And that love is going to last for a lifetime,” Tessa said softly. “Can you imagine that? Someone loving you for centuries. Someone remembering you for eternity. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” 🥺🥺

David deserved to be loved like that – endlessly and impossibly. (OK BUT THE PARALLEL)

Tessa should definetly write a guidebook

“Je t’aime à la folie,” Max said.David’s eyes widened. “Vraiment?“ "Je t’aime. Je t’aime de toute mon âme. Je t’aime pour toujours.” ( I literally screamed and woke up my sister, I just love them so much!!!)

"David smiled. The smile Max fell in love with" 🥺🥺

“I know I am not your forever and I am okay with that.” Max bit his lip. “Okay.” “But you are mine,” David said. “You know that, right?” (ksidjdldk its just all this was beautiful!)

“I got it all planned,” Max said – for someone who had no idea what he was going to do." (Me as I should be studying 😂)

" And you were just scared. You were just a kid." “I just…I just realized you might not have had that when you were growing up – that there might not have been people you could talk to about these things.” THAT!! LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!

"Max pulled him closer and kissed him again. Every kiss a promise. A promise to love. A promise to fight. A promise to survive" I would die for this two

OMG he took him to the Celestial Palace!! Thats so perfect and 🥺🥺

“Oh mon dieu! Ceci est incroyable! Il y a tellement de livres! Oh mon dieu! Je l'aime tellement!”💙💙 Idk how you manage to make me love David even more

“Of course he doesn’t hate you!” Max chuckled. “But he did say he will put your nerd ass in the silent city if you don’t bring me home by 11.” David blinked. “You’re joking, right?” “Of course,” Max grinned. His father had actually said that but there was no need to scary poor David any further. (😂😂 Imagine having the Consul as father-in-law, poor David)

“Yeah, not good with words my ass,” Exactly!! They say they are not good with words and procede to recite poetry of their love one??!!

Ughh I love this chapter so much and I loved how they deal with the inmortality thing! I just love when people comunicate and talk to each other! THATS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP! And how they didn't repeat Alec and Magnus mistake. I just love it! *chef kiss*

Anyway, this was really long and it took to open notes to fullfill, so i'll just leave💙💙

Bro I just felt like I read the whole chapter again and I am feels. I AM FEELS SEND HELP. Not me catching feels over my own shit lmaooooo.

Thank you so much. I have some work to do and I was like meh and now I have some energy to do it lol. I hope you spend tomorrow studying! You better!! Good luck!

ps - I love you notice the parallels and references. It makes me lil heart go boop!

also why do I feel like y'all are eternally doing exams????

[magnus-the-maqnificent]

Ok so I had a uni entrance exam last year, and I didn't get accepted, and there's this friend of me who didn't get accepted either, so now we both are studying to retake it this year. And her behavior has been bothering me since the day we found out we didn't get in, like, it's really hard to get rejected from university yk? You always think you've made everyone disappointed, and I've been having a hard time, and it really doesn't do me any good that she tells me: (my mom says it's ok I didn't get accepted, cause you didn't get accepted too) Like, I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting but it really made me upset, it's always like she thinks I'm her only rival and just keeps comparing herself to me, and it doesn't matter what she does in the exams as long as she's done better than me. And it puts a lot of pressure and stress on me, cause she's my friend, she's supposed to be happy that I'm doing good. And even if she isn't, it's just so cruel to casually pointing it out. It's like she doesn't even get that it's making me upset. And I texted her a few days ago, after one of the exams in which the grade she'd gotten was higher than mine. And I swear I didn't even know the grades had been announced. I just texted her to ask about her well being (because I had been avoiding social media for some time before that exam, because I was nervous and the media made it worse), but then she answered and said: (I don't know why every time I get a high grade everyone starts texting me) and it was really hurtful. Like, I know I probably shouldn't care what other people think about me, but she's my friend. What can I ever gain from being her friend because of her grades??!! And it's not like I've been a bad student all my life, no, I was actually one if the top 10 during highschool, better than her for sure. But then pandemic broke through, and I had to stay at home. And I'm super extrovert and I was literally dying because of being isolated that it led to depression. And I fucked up my exams and didn't get accepted. I'm now going to therapy, and I'm doing a lot better, but still, I'm not completely who I used to be. And it hurts that she thinks I would text her because of her grades!!! Like I've never had a good grade myself! And at the top of all these, when I told her I'm upset that she would think like this, she started giving me advice on how I should wake up and try and study for my future. Like, she never bothered to really ask me what happened that I suddenly stopped studying and failed exams, and she's just simply assuming I'm not doing my best. And she acts like she did nothing wrong. It's what always happens, and even if I get upset she (and other people) tell me I'm overreacting. And now after one week she's sent me this TikTok of a pen that is writing on a paper: "I love you" 🙄🙄 And I don't know what to do. Should I text her back and forgive her like I've always done? She never apologizes and tbh, I don't think she even understand she's being a bitch even if I spell it out for her. I don't know what to do.

Sorry it wasn't supposed to be that long 😅😅

Hello, anon!

I kinda get what you’re going through - I’ve had friends like that in the past, and tbh, the best thing you can do here is slowly distance yourself from her. :/ you can occasionally talk to her so that she doesn’t suspect you’re avoiding her ofc, but keep in mind all the hurtful things she’s saying and the fact that she doesn’t seem to understand that she’s being hurtful and not even apologising for it.

So no, you don’t have to forgive her - especially since she’s not seeking forgiveness in the first place.

And as for the rest of it - I’m glad you’re doing much better now! Just remember not to be hard on yourself - even if you failed once, you still have many chances and a lot of time ahead of you. I’m sure you’ll get into uni in your future attempt <3 Take care of yourself and remember that we’re in the middle of a global pandemic, which is like, a really stressful situation. It’s natural to be down and even get depressed during this time.

And about your exams… you can ignore this if you want to, idk if you’re looking for study related advice, but I suggest you find a method that works for you. For example, in the few months leading up to my uni entrance exam, I wasn’t able to study at all. I could barely read my textbooks for even a minute. But I did one or two practice tests a day and checked all my answers, and somehow that helped increase my grades more than anything else. Sometimes your old study methods don’t work for you anymore and you’ll need to find new ones. Good luck with your exams, boo!

[stingykei]

Suna Rintarou x Reader Oneshot : I'm tired.

Word count: idk tbh hahshahahshs

Genre: Angst :

Warning: curses; mention of self harm

You were making food at Suna's apartment. His favorite food. You've noticed how stressed he looked these past few days and decided to treat him with something good. You have his bed ready, so he can rest. You basically cleaned his place. He was still out practicing right now. It's getting late and you were kinda worried about him but you dismissed that feeling.

You had his food ready and a drink. You looked at the time, 18:55 he should be here now. Then minutes of waiting, someone opened the door. You looked who it was. It was Suna.

"Hey Suna. You're late, I was waiting for you." You told him, while trying to get his bag.

"Yeah? I didn't asked you to." He said, glancing at you. Your brow raised, then you went on getting his bag for him. He hand it to you, then you put it on his room.

"There's food in the table. You should eat. I've also cleaned up your room so you can rest." You kinda shouted when you said that. Just a little bit so he can here you from his room.

"Yeah I know." You heard the chair moved. You noticed that he's weird. I mean you guys have these days you throw mean thing to each other but... you stopped what you were thinking. He's probably just tired, yeah that's it.

You went outside, where he was. He was seated there, eating silently. You sat at the chair near him. You two were silent then you decided to break that silence. "So.. how was practice?" He looked at you then you smiled.

"It was, okay." Then he continued eating. You just let him finished eating. After finishing he put his dishes in the sink, leaving it there. You'll wash that later.

He went to his room, then proceed to his study table. "Where was the papers here?" He asked while rummaging his things.

"I keep some papers in your folder, there. I threw the others away, the crumpled ones." You said, helping him look for his things.

You've been looking for a while now, then he grunted. "Nevermind, I'll just ask my classmate." He flop down on his bed. Looking very annoyed. You look at him, he was making you weird. Sadness was creeping in your feels. You breathe deeply.

You approached him, his brow were furrowed. He was closing his eyes. "Are you sick? Do you have a headache?" You asked but he didn't answer. He turned on the other side.

"Rinrin. Are you okay? What's wro–" "F*ck stop! You're very annoying." He said very annoyed and pushing your hand away. He sat on his bed. "Stop this! You're very noisy, it's very annoying! You sound like mom! I'm very tired and you welcome me like this, talking and talking. You probably even threw to my project!"

You were surprised, hurt? sad? You don't know. "What's wrong? You are very grumpy today." You tried laughing this off, since he's just tired.

"I'm tired of you talking, so much. Can't you give me space? Please? I need that so much. It's like you're choking me with this, everything! I don't understand, just leave!" He said angrily like you've done something wrong.

Your mouth gaped slightly open, your brows furrowed. You shook your head then fling your hands in the air. "Okay fine. I'll give you the space you need. Stupid. You're stupid. Dumbass. I hate you." You said backing away, getting your things.

"Yeah whatever, now leave!"

"Yeah asshole! F*ck you!" You threw him a f*ck you sign, then went to the doorway and you wear your shoes hurriedly. You were about to cry. You opened the door then closed it harshly.

It was so cold outside but you don't mind, When were out, you cried there. You knew you two are drifting away somehow. He was busy practising, he was like this too the other day. You didn't think much about it since there's nothing you can do but take care of him. It didn't occur to you that you were a bother to him. It was so stupid, taking care of him.

There was no tears coming out in your eyes but you heart felt very heavy, you didn't know what to do. You prayed that you won't anything stupid, you have a history of self harm and right now you wished that you won't do it again. This always happens when you can't cry out your heart. You hated this feeling so much it hurt.

It was hard to breath, the beating of your heart was fast and it was cold so it's hard breathing. You fished out for your phone, you know you need someone. If you don't reach out then you'll just be going back to your past. Shutting out everyone else.

You dialed his number. "Hey, Y/N?" You heard Kenma on the other line.

He heard your heavy breathing. " K-Kenma, can I come over?" His house was the closest. "Where are you?" He asked, you answered him, looking around trying not to faint.

5 minutes later, you saw Kenma when you were nearing his house. Kenma looked worried. He invited you inside, offered you a hot drink. He didn't ask anything, as you were breathing slowly, trying to calm down. Then you looked at him, you looked at his worried face.

"I'm fine." You smiled then you cried. He offered you a hug then you hugged him.

+++

Suna fell asleep an hour later Y/N left. He woke up with the sun hitting his face. He was about to get up to get ready for school when he remembered it was Saturday. He reached for his phone then there was a message from Kita. "Suna, there will be practice today at 10." You replied okay, it was it 7 in the morning.

He stand up, he did his daily routine. Then he went on the kitchen. Usually at this time, there will be food in his table, but today, there was none. "Y/N?" Suna tried calling out her name, but he remembered that he made her leave yesterday. He sat on the chair, he hit his head. He was so stupid. He muttered, 'fuck, I messed up.'

He tried calling your phone several times but you won't pick up. He sighed. He was very tired lately, there was a lot of projects and there was also a strict practice going on. He sighed. He stand up, looked for instant noodles to eat.

He probably thought that you will just come around like always. He thought. sike beech

A week came and he haven't seen even her shadow. He tried calling you but there's still no answer. She probably blocked him. Suna was a little bit fine now, he found the paper he was looking for in his bag. He accidentally bring it to school. He passed on all of his projects, and he was able to breathe a little from their strict practice. His body was getting used to it.

He really messed up this time. He haven't heard a news from you. He also noticed how messy his place became, you were usually the one who cleaned his place. He facepalmed himself, he was annoyed with himself. For being so stupid. He cleaned his place before leaving. He decided to go to your place this time, to check up on you.

++

You visited Kenma in his place, then offered him to jog. Kuroo was there too, Kenma tried to complain saying he doesn't want to go. It basically took you forever to convince him. You three went on a jog, you laughing at Kenma. He looked so uninterested. They decided to stop in your place and you saw a familiar person standing in front.

"Suna? What are you doing here?" He looked at you, "Y/N, hey can we talk?" He looked at you while slowly approaching you. You nodded.

Kuroo and Kenma decided to go inside your house so you two can talk. He was silent looking at his shoes. He doesn't know what to say.

"So, you got the space you need." You said, looking uninterested. He looked at you, he just nod.

"Y/N I'm sorry for what I said, I was just tired." He tried explaining, trying to hold you. You looked uninterested.

You were tired somehow. "Yeah, sure. You're forgiven." You said to him. His face lightened up. "Give me space. I'm tired too." His face frowned.

"W-what?" He stuttered. "Why? I– We're good now right? I apologized. What's the problem?" He asked softly looking in your eyes for answers. He was holing your hands.

"You think, that's it? You apologize then everything's okay? Everything's fine? It's not that easy! It tooks me this long time to atleast try and forgive if ever you apologize and I did! I forgive you, so many times already. Everytime you were tired, you lashed out. You apologize and I forgive you. But Sunaa.." You put your hand on his cheek. With a sad look in your eyes. There it is again, the goddamn tears. "I'm tired. My heart is heavy, I'm hurt. Everytime this happens, I don't blame you. I blame myself for not being enough, for not making myself useful to you. I can't help you if you're tired, it seems that I just keep on annoying you. I hated myself more for that." There it is, a tear rolled down your cheeks.

He didn't notice, your face looked tired. Very sad, "No no, Y/N please. You're more than enough, I was foolish, very stupid. I– Please. I can't live without you anymore. These past few days without you was very hard. I can't, please Y/N. Come back to me." His voice was very soft, his hands were caressing your face. He felt like crying but he didn't.

You sighed. You love him so much to do this to yourself. "Okay. I love you." With that, he kissed your lips then "I won't let this happen ever again. I promise." He said giving you another kiss.

Somewhere in Y/N's place.

"Yaknow, if you confessed first. There was a probability you two would be together. Kenma." Kuroo trailed off as he watched Kenma looking at you and Suna together.

"Nah. I doubt." Kenma broke him staring then looked at Kuroo with a smile.

Kuroo sighed, "I would've shipped you two more. You guys will be match made from heaven."

Kenma ignored what he said then played on his phone. Stupid self, I should've confessed.

end.