#and sometimes I wish I had a completely flat chest
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
.
#really exhausted by the continuous internal gender struggle#Iâm afab who enjoys feminity so why do I always feel like:#woman?#I feel sometimes like Iâm half woman and half something else#not man justâŚ.not anything on the binary#I hate it because you have a bunch of shitty people who say:#on you just have internal misogyny#but I donât feel discontent with the feminity I do possess#I just feel like itâs not all there is#I would prefer to be called they#but being called she isnât upsetting and is easier to navigate the world with#and often enjoyable when Iâm reaching for the celebration of feminity#if I could have a face that was perfectly androgynous#(in these sense that you could not tell agab when looking at it)#I would love it#and sometimes I wish I had a completely flat chest#and a deeper voice (like Cher!)#but neither can I say I hate my breasts or the face I do have#because frankly I think theyâre very beautiful#and I love feeling beautiful#Iâm just so frustrated and feel lonely#I feel like Iâm not queer enough to be considered queer and still too queer for everyone else#to actually be open about how I feel about gender in real life#and I donât feel comfortable being called trans#because I donât feel like Iâm transitioning genders#I just feel so frustrated#and lost
3 notes
¡
View notes
Text
á´á´ á´ĘĘá´Ęɪɴɢ ÉŞ á´Ąá´É´á´á´á´
Pairing | Luke Hughes x afab!reader Summary | (comfort angst, fluff) | all it took was a terrible headache for y/n to break and really tell Luke what was wrong, and he provides the best remedy Authors Note | please accept this blurb based on a dream caused by a criminal headache I had while I get through celly blurbs and my inboxđĽş
The headache thatâd haunted her all day only pounded worse, pain relief only doing so much to ease the aching. Luke felt useless, there was only so much he could do and taking the pain away was not one of them. All he could do was gently caress her thigh hooked over his legs and hold her to his chest, arm wound around her waist and providing a kiss on her forehead every now and then.Â
Her fingers traced feathery patterns over his skin, changing between his chest and following the ridges of his abs down to his v-line, feeling the heat that radiated off his body and embracing hers. They lay in silence, listening to breathing fall into sync and the video quietly playing from Lukeâs phone and her brain worked overtime, the cogs turning and falling into the deepest pits of the human conscience, comments sheâd read and heard emerging from her memory. The gossip pages, the media, other girlfriends and wives and maybe they were right. Maybe she wasnât right for him; not mature enough, not established enough, not flexible enough and not pretty enough.Â
Wetness seeped onto his bare skin, and he closed his phone, placing it onto the sheets before cupping her cheek, âHey, hey, whatâs wrong?â
âNothinâ, head just hurts.â She slid her hand over his stomach, cuddling into him but his fingers took her jaw, tilting her head up to face him. Worry spread across his face, eyes widening softly, eyebrows pulling together slightly.
âY/nâŚâ he said concerned, âtalk to me, whatâs it you always tell me? Weâre a team?â
She paused and sighed, âJusâ...sometimes the people are right, I donât deserve you. Youâre this big-time, hotshot hockey player and I have nothing to my name, jusâ some chick.â
His grip around her tightened and he let her face go, slowly pulling her on top of his body completely, with consideration to the pounding in her head. Luke never liked the media and knew it came with his career, but when it impacted the people he loved the most, then he had a personal problem with it. His jaw tensed when more tears spilt onto his chest silently.
âOh, angel,â Luke��s hand settled on the back of her head tenderly, brushing loose strands of hair away from her face while his arm secured around her middle, âwho said that? You know thatâs not true-â â-but it just is, Lu. Not a thriving model, not a career woman, just y/n who still relies on her parents half the time. Getting a part-time job has been tragic and while youâre working your ass off out there, Iâm just sitting around.â She sobbed, Lukeâs stomach twisting and he kissed her head.Â
Heâd never been confident in sharing how he felt, never being able to find the right words but with so much adrenaline and heartache running through his system, they seemed to fall off his tongue with a rawness to them.Â
âBut youâre not just âsome chickâ. Thatâs why I love you. Youâre y/n. Youâre a student whoâs graduating soon, in a field she enjoys and youâre literally only twenty. Just because you arenât living a life someone else is, doesnât make you any less of a person. I donât care that youâre not a public figure or whatever. Actually, I like that you arenât and wish we went to college together because that wouldâve been cool, so many parties to make out at. My point is that you bring normality, and I donât care if you have a job or not, Iâm always gonna support you in everything because I love you.âÂ
Y/nâs lip quivered, heart swelling as the sweet confession soaked into her ears. Typical Luke, even when he didnât realise it, he always knew what to say. She pushed herself up onto her forearms, palms flat on his chest and his hands followed the curve of her spine up to her shoulder blades and down to her ass, soothingly with a small, comforting smile.Â
He cupped her cheek, using his thumb to wipe one of her eyes before she melted into his palm, âThank you, I love you so much.â
She leant in, pressing a long and slow kiss to his lips, moaning when he groped her ass and giggling. He didnât mind taking that extra breath if it meant he could listen to her giggle and light up again. Luke slid his hand to the back of her neck, goosebumps running along her skin, and he pulled her into another adoring kiss. A kiss worth a thousand more words, with warmth, a deep kiss with his mouth opening to invite her tongue to meet his and lick into her mouth. She was just y/n and Luke wouldnât have had it any other way.
358 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Self indulgent Adam x reader...that man....he's got one strong grip on me and idc atp :3
Adam x winged!sinner!reader
Takes place after the final episode, he gets judged again and is now a sinner in hell, new member of the hazbin hotel!
---------
Sometimes you wish you didn't bend to Charlie's will so easily when she used her puppy eyes, she knew you had a weakness for cute things despite your colder demeanor, it was this weakness that had led you to taking care of the first human, dick master as he wanted you to call him, Adam. Who nifty had swiftly killed and now lives in the hazbin hotel after being re-judged as a sinner, though still injured.
You begrudgingly walk into his room where he is admiring himself in the mirror....again. he doesn't look that much different from when he was an angel, just more demonish, kinda human in a way? His wings are now a charcoal black from being disgraced from heaven. You groan and cross your arms, your own wings tucked in since you didn't have the power to just magically retract them....that would be nice though.
"Adam. You should still be in bed, resting." You say with an annoyed tone, he just looks at you before starting to flirt with you again for the millionth time, although with more backhanded compliments and insults thrown in this time. "C'mon cold tits, you sure you wanna hide this body? I may be one of you shitheads now but I say this dick is still holy~"
....yeah no. You go over and force him back onto the bed, having forced him back into bed countless times before since he doesn't seem to grasp the fact that his wounds aren't fully healed, he grasps your wrist, quickly dragging you down successfully this time, he had tried before but never succeeded...
You land on top of him, eyes slightly wide as you keep your arms propped up so you're not on your hands and knees on top of him....what an embarrassing position, you had to get off him quick, but he was quicker. Without thinking he wrapped his arm around your back in an attempt to make you stay, smirking and winking at you as you look down with slight uncomfortableness apparent on your face. Your wings move so that he's not touching them, you never liked anyone touching your wings because their a little sensitive in some spots, although Adam had tried to disregard that boundary in favor of trying to tease me by attempting to touch my wings which earned him a slap across the face once.
His hand slipped up your back, causing you to flinch slightly, it felt weird. You thought about punching Adam, not caring about his healing wounds, until that thought was tossed out your brains window when his hand grazed the base of your wing which caused you to gasp and flinch. Dear God cock, when was the last time someone massaged there? probably no one but it felt nice, like you had just found a comfy spot on your bed, your ears slightly brushed as you felt embarrassed being this kind of vulnerable in front of him.
He instantly noticed your reaction, his smirk turning into a full blown grin as he realized he found a delicate spot on the infamously cold (name), his rough hand then pressed and moved slightly at the base of your wing which made you flinch and sigh somewhat contently.
He continued moving around the base of your wing before you full on collapsed on him, laying against his chest looking like you're about to fall asleep, he chuckles and finally says something "looks like you're not so difficult to deal with after all, cold tits"
It sounds somewhat like mockery, but he honestly has grown some feelings for you, he enjoyed a challenge anyways! Now that he's seeing you like this, all sleepy and laying against him he can't deny that he wouldn't mind being like this with you, even if you glare at him yet don't stop him as he ends up massaging the base of your wings as you lay completely flat against him.
This feels like complete bliss, even if it's by someone you don't really like, you can't deny that it's lulling you to sleep. Maybe it's because he has his own pair of wings that he knows how to maneuver his hands against your back, now under your shirt that's surprisingly, not in a sexual way. It's quite nice, actually.
....he looks down again after spacing out for a second, seeing you asleep against him. Honestly, he thinks that you and him can maybe become more than just cocky asshole and a cold sinner...just maybe.
----------
RAHH IM SORRY IF THIS FEWLS RUSHED THIS IS LIKE PRETTY SELF INSULGENT SO UHHHHH
#adam x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel#sinner!adam#adam x you#hazbin hotel fluff#adam x reader fluff#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin x reader#hazbin fluff#hazbin x reader fluff
560 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Can I Come Home?
1- I am so sorry in advance. My random thoughts do be wildin sometimes. 2- There are 2 endings for this, you'll know where it splits when you get there, a little choose your own adventure action, if you will. 3-This is the longest fic that I have ever written so I apologize for people with short attention spans like me. With all that being said, enjoy the fic (or don't, it's angst, so you probably won't.)
You and Soshiro were always close.Â
Close in childhood, closer as sweethearts.
Youâd known each other your whole lives, and your sweet 16 turned even sweeter when he finally worked up the nerve to ask you out. You had always had a crush on him, but you never thought that the boy who had seen you in a bikini and snorted about your flat chest would ever be interested in you. But he was more than just interested; he was completely, irreversibly, and incandescently smitten with you.Â
When you started dating him, it became clear to you that heâd stored away every bit of information youâd ever told him. He remembered when you were 12, you said youâd always wanted a locket, so he strung one around a bouquet of peonies (he knew that was your favorite flower) and presented it to you when he picked you up for your first date. He remembered when you were 13, you told him youâd always wanted to ride on a hot air balloon, so for your second date, he took you out for a romantic flight at sunset, flower petals sprinkled across the floor of the basket. He remembered when you were 14, you absentmindedly made a comment about wishing you knew how to ice skate, so he learned how to skate for you and taught you how to skate on your third date. There was no doubt in your mind that you were going to marry this man someday. You werenât sure how long it would take, but you didnât care; you could wait for him.Â
When you turned 18, he solidified his love for you by gifting you a promise ring. By this time, youâd already talked marriage and cradles with him extensively, so you wondered what exactly he was promising you. Your heart was already his, you didnât need a trinket to hold you over. But he wanted to make promises to you anyway. He wanted to promise you that heâd buy you a better ring one day, that when he joined the JAKDF heâd save his entire officerâs salary for the purpose of weighing your hand down with the fattest rock he could find. He wanted to promise you that heâd love you infinitely, that heâd love you overwhelmingly, that heâd love you every day of his life. And even when he turned 19 and prepared for the Defense Force exam, he promised that heâd carry you with him always, that your soul had left an imprint on his, and that even when faced with death, heâd be yours. The Reaper himself couldnât tear him from your side.Â
Having fears about the lifestyle Soshiro was choosing, the lifestyle that would take him far away from you, that would lead him in the way of danger, you begged him to wait another year or two before joining the Defense Force. You knew you couldnât keep him from his dreams forever, but you could stall him. You wanted more time with him, wanted any time you could get, any time heâd allow you, any time heâd spend safe in your arms, time where you didnât have to be riddled with the worry that one day he wouldnât come home.Â
So you pleaded with him to wait a couple years. To spend the time training you. Youâd made the decision to go with him to join the force -youâd follow him to the depths of Tartarus and back if it meant you could stay by his side- but for now, you needed more time with him. And then youâd give in to his dreams when you turned 21. Youâd let the Defense Force claim you both. And if he died, youâd be right behind him. So you begged him, begged him to stay. Just until 21.Â
You thought he might say no, thought he might run off and join anyway. After all, heâd been waiting for this since the day he took up the sword. But the Defense Force wasnât his only dream anymore. You were his dream too. And if he had to wait a couple more years just to have you by his side when he joined up, then he would wait for you. He would do anything for you.
You spent long days and even longer nights training with him. Training until your limbs were on the verge of combustion, until your muscles reacted before you commanded them to, until your reflexes were honed to perfection. Your regimen was grueling but it was nothing compared to the thought of letting him die in front of you. You had to be stronger; no, you had to be the strongest. For him, youâd do it. And when you perfected a move or when your combat power increased, Soshiro would reward you with kisses over and over again, and you knew youâd die for him over and over again. Anything to protect his smile. Â
When the cruel hand of fate brought disaster to his door in the form of a crippling accident and Soshiro was grounded to his hometown, imprisoned in a cage, with his lifelong dream now out of reach, you felt you failed him. You couldnât protect him from his fate. You couldnât protect him from the emptiness, from the feeling of watching his desires slip from his fingers. It was your fault that he never got to join the Defense Force- youâd made him wait. It was your fault. Everything was your fault.Â
You almost couldnât face him.
You watched lines of friends, of family, of neighbors file in and out of his house, offering their sympathies, offering their support in this hard time, offering gifts, offering flowers. But you knew heâd never âget well.â Heâd never recover from what youâd done. From what you failed to do. Heâd wasted so many promises on you, and you couldnât even promise to protect him.Â
You wanted to atone.
You wanted to die.
You wanted to fade from existence.
But he wouldnât let you. He kept visiting, kept calling on you, kept loving on you. He wouldnât let his regrets become your regrets. He wouldnât let you waste your life away, drowning in your bedsheets and your depression. Heâd make you hear him even if you wouldnât listen. Heâd tell you that you were meant for more. That you had bigger things to live for than him. That he couldnât wait to watch you take the Defense Force by storm.
Heâd joke that he was sure youâd coerce your way to the top in no time at all, reigning over the JAKDF with terror. When you were unamused, he laughed. âI was just kidding, love, I know my babyâs a softie. I know you wouldnât hurt a fly. A kaiju? Different story. But a fly? Youâd put a bandaid on its wings.â He teased.Â
And against your better judgment, despite his terrible jokes, despite his annoying persistence, because of his annoying persistence, you let him love you again. You let him forgive you. You missed him. You loved him. You loved loving him.Â
You thought you could keep going on this way forever. Just basking in his presence. Just stealing time from him wherever you could get it. Now that you werenât training, now that he wasnât training, you had endless hours to spend with him, just talking, just laughing. But then you got notice that this yearâs Defense Force Exam was starting.Â
He wanted you to go.
He wanted you to leave him.
You wanted to stay.Â
You werenât like him, you werenât noble, you werenât honest; the Defense Force meant nothing to you if he wasnât by your side. You begged him to let you stay with him. You begged him to let you live and die with him.Â
But he simply smiled at you and said he believed in you.
And somehow, after kicking and screaming, after crying and pleading, you found yourself on the first train out of town. You found yourself carrying the weight of both your dreams, carrying the weight of your need to make him proud, both a burden and a beacon, slung across your shoulders as you made your way into unknown territory. You took heavy step after heavy step until you crossed the threshold of the Defense Forceâs doors.Â
This was your life now but somehow you felt like youâd left your life back in your hometown. Like your heart only beat in Soshiroâs chest, like your air only contracted Soshiroâs lungs, like your blood only pumped in Soshiroâs veins. Without him, you felt lonely.
Distance had always been a stranger to you, having grown up next door to him, having spent every waking moment with him, and now that you were making its acquaintance, you thought you might just die.Â
Youâd reach for his arms and find they werenât there. Youâd listen for his laugh, for his footsteps, for his singing in the shower, and find nothing but sadness in the silence. And when the shirts youâd stolen from him stopped smelling of his scent, you almost ran back home right then and there, barefoot, crying, running like a madman, running to get back to him. âCan I come home now, Soshiro?â youâd beg him.
But heâd always stop you. Heâd tell you that you were so close to achieving everything youâd worked so hard for. That you couldnât quit now. That you were strong, that you were fearsome, that you could endure the storm. That he believed in you.
When you passed the exam, you pleaded with him again. âCan I come home now, Soshiro? Let me celebrate with you, at least.â But he knew if you came home now, if you didnât establish roots in the Defense Force, if you didnât have anything to go back to, youâd stay home forever. Youâd never leave. And he didnât want you to quit before youâd started. So he coaxed you into staying where you were, used that sweet voice of his to murmur sweet promises to you, to promise you nothing short of the sun and the moon when you finally did come home, if you could just make it a couple more months without him.Â
Before you knew it, you were too busy to come home, even just for a day. You were too good at your job, too loaded up with work. Your heart was empty but your hands were full.Â
The only free time you had, you spent talking to Soshiro. Youâd steal minutes from your schedule, sneak away for a mere moment, just to talk to him, just to drink in the sound of his voice. Youâd tell him about your day. About a dog you met on the walk to work. About the bitch who worked in operations. About a new drink you discovered that you thought heâd like. About all the lives youâd saved. And he was proud of you. Not just for being a hero, but for being alive. For putting one foot in front of the other. For doing your best.Â
He tried his best to make you smile even if he couldnât physically be there for you. If he was there, he wouldâve poked two fingers into the edge of your lips and dragged them upwards, âSee, this is how you smile. Can you smile for me, love?â And youâd weakly muster up some semblance of a smile, tears staining your cheeks, as youâd say back to him, âYeah, baby. I can smile for you. I can do anything for you.â
Then, when you watched officer after officer die, when you scrubbed your hands raw to get the blood out, when you couldnât smile anymore, you begged him again. âSoshiro⌠Iâm tired. I miss you. Can I come home now? Please, can I come home now?â
âThey need you, love. Donât worry about me, Iâll be okay. You can do this, youâll be okay.âÂ
Youâd hear his words and cry yourself to sleep and the aching in your chest would take up permanent residence inside you.Â
He mustâve known then that you needed more than just his words. He showed up the next day, peonies in hand. âYour favorite, baby.â
You bit your lip, trying to stifle the tears that were threatening to overflow. âYouâre here. Youâre actually here.â
He smiled at you. âSnuck in for you, baby. Iâm not supposed to be here, itâs a secret, just between you and me.â
Suddenly the weight of the situation hit you, the baggage of everything youâd been carrying the last several months crashing into you like a wrecking ball. Youâd never see your fellow officers again and youâd never see more of him than these few, stolen moments. âSoshiro, I canât do this anymore.â You began to cry.Â
âShh, shh. Donât cry, love. Iâve got you. Youâre okay. You can do this. Youâre the strongest woman Iâve ever had the pleasure of meeting, youâre the most amazing woman Iâve ever had the pleasure of loving. And I know my baby doesnât give up. I know the wind and the waves would come if she called. Youâre a force to be reckoned with, donât forget that, love.â
âI donât feel like a force to be reckoned with. I feel like a walking corpse, dead inside and yet not dead enough. Why am I here? Why am I living and breathing when so many of my loved ones are dead? Soshiro. Can I come home now?â
For a moment you thought heâd let you. You thought the pain in his eyes, the sympathy in his saddened smile, were signs enough that it was okay to give up, it was okay to go home. But you never got to hear his answer.
âHey. Platoon Leader L/N. You okay? What are you doing all the way out here?â A girl with bright red hair bounded up to you. You thought her name was Nakanoshima? You had tried to keep everyone at an armâs distance after all the rookies whoâd joined up with you had died.Â
You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes and straightened your posture, âJust talking to my boyf-â You suddenly realized Soshiro had said that heâd snuck in and when you turned to him in a panic, scrambling to find an excuse, you discovered that he was nowhere to be found. âI mean my-myself. Talking to myself.â
She raised an eyebrow. âOkayâŚWell, the girls and I are heading out for some karaoke, would you care to join?â
You shook your head quickly. âNo, thanks. I appreciate the offer, though.â
She searched your face for a moment. You almost thought you caught a glimpse of sympathy in her peachy eyes, but any trace of it faded when she finally shook her head. âAlright, well just know you can come anytime. See you around.â She waved and disappeared into the distance.
âYou shouldâve gone with her. I wouldâve been fine.â Soshiro emerged from behind you.Â
âI donât need her. I donât need anyone else but you.â
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. âBaby. I donât want you to be lonely up here, all by yourself. Make some friends. Have some fun. Live your life.â
You shook your head insistently. âI donât wanna make friends. I donât wanna have fun. I wanna come home. I wanna be yours again.â
He smiled at you softly. âYouâre always mine, love. And Iâm always yours.â
âSo let me come home.âÂ
He shook his head. âCanât do that, dearest. But Iâll come visit you more, okay? I love you. Never forget that I love you. Youâll be fine, okay? I believe in you.â Then he disappeared without another word, leaving you empty yet again.Â
But he kept his promise. You shouldâve known he would, he always did. At first, heâd come to your bedside in the dead of night. Heâd lay there with you and youâd talk together until the sun came up and he disappeared again. Then, he started to visit during the day.Â
When heâd visit, heâd ask if you were taking care of yourself. If you were making friends. Youâd tell him the same thing every time. But one day, Nakanoshima overheard you talking to him and when she came over to investigate, he nudged you towards her, whispering, âMake friends.â
You rolled your eyes at him but then grumbled to her that youâd like to join her the next time she went out. Her eyes lit up and by the time she finished excitedly rambling about how much fun you were going to have with her, Soshiro was gone again.
The next time he visited, you were in the middle of training. When you dropped anything and everything to run to him, you earned yourself some strange looks from the other officers, but you didnât care. You were tired of pretending and tired of hiding. You wanted to be in love again. You wanted to be happy. And he made you happy, visiting you like this, with no more fear of being discovered, with public displays of his love.Â
And it made you happy to make him happy. When you told him all about your movie night with Nakanoshima, and your lunch date with Ashiro, and your shopping spree with Okonogi, he was extremely happy. You were finally living your life.Â
You thought you could find contentment like this, sharing time between your friends and your boyfriend, living the good life, fighting the good fight, but the dream ended in an instant when he visited in the middle of a battle strategy meeting. When you bolted out the door to greet him again, your friends began to worry about your state of mind. Theyâd whisper to each other about the man youâd run off to in the middle of training, in the middle of lunch, in the middle of dinner, in the middle of the night, and now in the middle of meetings. Wasnât he the guy who got into that horrible accident? Wasnât he the reason youâd almost forgone joining the Defense Force? Wasnât he the man you almost married? This couldnât be good for you, theyâd tell each other. Clinging to a man from your past. Clinging to a future you used to dream of.Â
They had finally decided to have an intervention for you, when suddenly calamity struck the town. Another wave of kaiju was attacking in full force. Their concerns about your love life would have to wait; the entire city was now a concern.Â
You fought with renewed purpose, with a fire lit within you that they hadnât seen since youâd first made Platoon Leader. You refused to let any more of your squad, of your team, of your friends die.Â
In a frenzy, you cleared out half the Yoju, and made your way to the Honju, entrusting the rest of the lower ranked beasts to your friends. The battle was long and arduous, your muscles tense and taut, as you fought for your life and the lives of all those you cared for.Â
You thought of Soshiro in the heat of the moment, wondering if he wouldâve wrapped this whole thing up in a matter of minutes. But you werenât him. You were just you. And for all your training, for all your combat experience, you found yourself weak when it counted. You found yourself struggling, your reflexes weakening, your state of mind crumbling, your body aching as you begged yourself to just be enough, to just protect somebody, to protect anybody, to be worth something.
So when you finally took down the Honju at great cost, your life hanging on by a mere thread, you were okay with that. You were resigned to death. You were grateful for death. You ran a finger over the promise ring that had long been worn out over the years as the light began to claim you.Â
In your final moments, you dreamed of the beach. Soshiro laid beside you in the sand. Your physical body was squirming around someplace somewhere in some patch of gravel, but all you could feel now was the sand beneath your back, the ocean lapping at your toes.Â
âI meant to take you to the beach.â He said finally.
âWell, weâre here now, silly. This is good enough. This is more than enough. This is perfect. Letâs just enjoy this moment.â You slipped your hand into his, interlocking your fingers as you turned to look into his eyes.Â
He shook his head at you. âBaby. You know you canât be here. You know you have to go back.â
You put a finger to his lips. âShh. Baby, Iâm finally home. Let me stay home.â
He brushed his thumb across your cheek. âIâm sorry, my love. I wish you could stay. But you have people waiting for you. You have people at your bedside, praying for you to wake up, praying for you to come back. You finally have a life, love, so live it.â
You frowned at him. âI donât have a life without you, what are you talking about?âÂ
He smiled at you sympathetically. âDarling, you know thatâs not true. You know I canât see you anymore. We canât keep doing this.â
Your eyes widened in fear. âNo. No, donât say that.â
He kissed your hand. âIn fact, I donât think I want to see you again for at least another 70 years, okay? Promise?â The tears burst from your eyes. âNo, no, no. Soshiro, donât leave me. Soshiro, donât say that. Soshiro, let me come home, I want to come home to you. Let me be with you, damnit!â
âI love you. Iâll always love you.â
âDonât say it like youâre leaving, donât say it like youâre saying goodbye! Soshiro, donât you dare leave me alone again! You promised youâd always be by my side!â
You woke up screaming.
You were in a hospital bed and Soshiro was nowhere to be found.Â
âSoshiro.â You called weakly. âSoshiro. Please.âÂ
He didnât answer.Â
You tried listening for him, tried searching for him, tried scrambling for some semblance of him, some part of him you could cling to, but he was gone without a trace. The weight of his absence dragged you into the depths of despair, and you murmured, âYou promised me⌠you promisedâŚâ to yourself as a dark and deep sleep finally overtook you.
In the morning, you were surrounded by your friends.Â
Tae almost forgot you were injured and nearly smothered you with her affection.Â
Konomi yanked her off of you, scolding her when you winced from the pain.
Mina was the one who finally spoke. âIâm glad youâre okay. We werenât sure if you were going to make it for a moment there.â
You were quiet. âWhy⌠why did I make it? How am I alive?â
They shifted uncomfortably. âHonestly, weâre not sure. The doctors said there was nothing they could do to save you. Your heartbeat flatlined. You were dead. And then somehow you came back to us.â
The room filled with silence.Â
Then Tae spoke up. âWhoâs this Soshiro you keep talking to?â
Konomi jabbed her in the ribs for her insensitivity, but she awaited your answer with equally bated breath.Â
You swallowed. âHeâs my⌠my boy⌠my fiance.â
Tae stilled. âYour fiance⌠Soshiro Hoshina?â
Your brows furrowed at the sound of his name on her lips. How did she know his name?
She continued. âThe same Soshiro Hoshina who died in that horrific accident all those years ago?â
Suddenly your lungs felt like they were collapsing all over again. Your skin had been set ablaze by her words and yet youâd never felt colder in your entire life. You shivered from the sweat that had started to form all down your body.
âNo, heâs⌠heâs waiting for me to come home.â You said weakly.
Konomi sighed and rubbed at the crease on her forehead. âDear, Iâm worried about you. Heâs⌠heâs gone. Heâs been gone.â
The tears began to flow down your cheeks before you even registered theyâd formed. âNo, heâs not. Heâs at home. Heâs fine. Heâs at home. Heâs waiting for me. I need to go home. I need to go to him. Heâs fine, heâs just waiting for me at home. At home. At home.â Every broken denial, every repeated word, felt like a knife carving its way up your throat. You rambled so much your throat went hoarse and you started seizing up. The doctors were called in before your friends could continue.Â
In the chaos of it all, you thought you vaguely heard Mina whisper to you, âTake as long as you need to heal. Weâll be here, waiting for you on the other side of this, no matter how long it takes,â before you blacked out.
You werenât sure she understood just how long that would be. You werenât sure just how long you could survive calling for him, trying to conjure him up in your mind again, and not seeing him appear. Remembering him hurt. Remembering the love youâd once had and lost, remembering the happiness youâd once had and lost, hurt. Everything hurt. But feeling like you were forgetting him hurt worse.Â
Would you remember what his voice sounded like in 20 years? Would you even remember it in 10? Would you remember if he ever had dimples when he smiled? Would you remember his favorite color?Â
Who were you if you werenât his?
How would you ever find peace if you couldnât ever go home?
If your home had been taken from you?
You woke up to the familiar sting of your tears burning trails down your cheeks again. You wondered just how many tears you had left, just how much could you cry yourself to sleep before you finally just drowned in your own depression? Would that be better if you drowned? Could you try to drown? Would it bring him back, would he try to save you again? If you tried to get back to that beach, would he be waiting?Â
You tried furiously summoning him again. You knew he wouldnât come when you called, knew he wouldnât answer your pleas, knew you were talking to nothing more than air, but you tried over and over again, your screams filling the silence with your desperation.
âSoshiro! Soshiro, donât leave me! Soshiro, I need you!â
âCome back, Soshiro! Come back to me!â
âSoshiro, you promised youâd stay by my side even in death! Even in death!â
âI need you, please, I need you!â
You screamed and screamed until your throat bled, until all that was left of him, all proof that he ever existed, that he ever loved you, was the burning in your throat and an emptiness in your chest where heâd stolen your heart and left you hollow.Â
â----------------------------------------------------------------------------If you like angst, stop here, if you donât and youâre like me and you cried reading this, please continue.Â
â----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your friends waited for you.
They waited and they waited. They waited so long, you werenât sure youâd even still have friends on the other side of this. You werenât sure there was another side of this.
But when you could finally sleep without having nightmares about the damn accident, even just for an hour or two, when you could finally walk down the street without your eyes darting everywhere looking for him, when you could finally breathe again without feeling like you owed payment for each breath, that was when your friends were there at the ready, waiting to take you into better days.
And when you could finally laugh again, even just a small laugh, and when you could finally smile again, even just a small smile, you knew Soshiro was smiling with you too, somewhere on some beach.Â
Sure there were times when youâd get swallowed up by sadness again, when youâd miss his touch, miss his voice, miss his presence. He was the love of your life and always would be. But you learned to love your friends too. You learned to love the blue in the sky and the green in the grass. You learned to love all the little things in life that heâd always loved.
Then, years and years later, you found that you were finally living the way heâd always wanted you to live: happily.Â
And when your time finally came to face death -70 years into the future, as youâd promised Soshiro- you greeted it warmly.
At the gates of heaven, there he stood, handsome as always, light shining all around him as though he were light itself.Â
And then he smiled.Â
âWelcome home, love.â
#soshiro hoshina#kaiju no. 8#anime#hoshina#oneshot#soshiro hoshina x reader#hoshina x reader#hoshina soshiro x reader#anime fanfic#han's library
145 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Civilian!Reader X ToxicBF!Simon (Part 2)
Word Count: 2,9 K
Content: Toxic and manipulative behaviour, mention of blood, swearing.
Part 1
.
.
.
When Johnny invited you to the bar that day, you were reluctant to go. Even though you could use the night off, the mere thought of seeing him paralyzed you in fear. Two weeks ago, Simon came to your flat to keep you company. The two of you had ordered takeout and eaten it while you talked about your life. Simon was always so attentive, his eyes looking at you with pure worry and care, and it made your insides twist every time you felt yourself under his gaze.Â
Your whole life you had wished, dreamed, ached for someone to look at you the way Simon did. But at the same time, it felt like a paradox. Simon saw you, but he didnât see you. You knew he didnât feel the same way about you because Simon Riley never needed anyone. Not only did the two of you have nothing in common in terms of lifestyle, you also had completely different expectations for a romantic life.Â
You wanted someone to live a movie romance with, someone who would crave you just as much as you did them. A man who was rough around the edges but melted when it came to you, fighting off the whole world while holding you tight to his chest. And every time you looked at Simon, it was a sour reminder that you had all you ever wanted within arms reach, but were never able to grab it.
He was from a different world, where people were tough, solved problems with their fists, and faced their fears with all their might. Someone as strong as Simon would never go for someone as fragile as you. What could I ever give him? The question would pound in your head when you felt lonely, a reminder that you had nothing to offer but timid confessions and a feeble mind. But even knowing that, you still came back to him, because he was the silver lining on your cloudy days.Â
So you tortured yourself, over and over again, spilling your guts out to him over tea, movies, and walks in the park, entertaining the idea that he needed those moments as much as you did, only to come back to the darkness of your flat and coldness of your bed. Alone.
You found yourself whining about your problems again, that fateful day, two weeks ago. It wasnât uncommon for Simon to go to your house to comfort you, and instead of dismissing the pity party, you would bake the cake and provide the entertainment. Sometimes, Simon would get a phone call or a text, but he never stopped your rambling to pick it up, opting to quickly look at the name on the screen before putting his phone on silent.
Until that day.Â
You had been talking about your coworker, who you were sure was stealing your pens, when he said âHold on, I have to take thisâ. Amidst your shock and neglect, you managed to capture a name on the screen of his phone. Sarah. You could feel the knot forming on your throat, while simultaneously feeling like you were about to throw up all the food you had just eaten. Fucking Sarah? Who the fuck is she? A party wrecker, at least. Setting in flames the walls of the scenario you had built. This wasnât a date, it was a favor a good soldier did for the helpless girl he met. You were hopelessly attached to him like a leech on a vein, feeding from another beingâs nurture, just to be pulled without courtesy from your shelter and chucked to the side to rot under the scolding sun. Â
The longer he spent on his phone, the more visible the tethers that united the two of you became, and with each laugh he let out, the weaker they became, falling on the floor like loose and meaningless strings. That day you realized you needed to stop this parasitic relationship before it got worse. The two of you were just friends after all, yet there you were, wanting to rip your hair out every time you heard the other womanâs voice coming through the speakers on his phone.Â
Your luck hadnât been good lately, in fact, it had become increasingly worse since you started ignoring Simon, two weeks ago. You couldnât deny that talking to him was like having someone take all the weight off your shoulders, but it was time to be a big girl and move on. You needed to learn how to live without him and deal with your own problems, instead of dumping them on someone else. Besides, alcohol was always a good friend when times were bad, and you knew you could never say no to going out with Johnny, especially because he always paid for your drinks.Â
So you put your best clothes on, styled your hair, and did your makeup. That way, even if you saw Simon, you wouldnât look like a complete loser, even though you had been soaking alone in your own misery all this time. Your problems were piling up throughout the day, resting above your bed during the night and avalanching you in the morning, now that you didnât have Simon to magically make them go away. So, if you were to start dealing with your problems by yourself, facing him should be on priority on that list. It took all your strength not to cower and go back under the comfort of your covers, but you put your high heels on and made your way to the bar.
You took a breath to calm yourself down before opening the doors of the bar, not giving yourself time to change your mind and⌠Oh, how you regretted your decision the moment you walked in and saw Simon sitting at the table, a glass of whisky on one hand and a womanâs waist on the other. But it was too late to turn around because a certain Scot had already seen you.Â
âAye, lass! Over here!â He said, bearing a smile so wide you could see all his teeth. âI told ya she would come.â He turns to Simon for the last sentence.
Simon takes a sip of his glass, hiding the small smile that escaped his lips, visible due to the small folds he had made on his mask in order to place it on top of his nose. But he knew you would come. He had dealt his cards carefully so that he could safely bet on your return to him. He wraps his arms tighter around the other womanâs waist as you approach their table. âThis is Sarahâ, he introduces her to you. âSheâs a Sergeant.â
You want to barf at the sound of pride in his voice. It doesnât help that the woman in front of you is gorgeous, exactly the type you knew Simon would go for. You can see her defined muscles under her shirt, and her impeccable posture. She has a tall pint of Guinness on the table in front of her, and a small scar on her left eyebrow that somehow makes her more attractive. The tone of her voice is confident as she introduces herself to you, making an effortless conversation the whole night. Not only that, but she makes Simon laugh. You feel yourself wanting to jump across the table and grab her by the neck, even though she would probably knock you out before you even made it to her side.Â
Simon watches you with silent joy, noticing the venom that seeps from your mouth with every smile you make toward Sarah. He can sense the longing in your voice when you talk to him, desperate for his attention, and itâs like music to his ears hearing you after so long. He knew it would be a hard couple of days, or however long you could handle without talking to him before falling back into his arms. It was a risky game that he had played with excellence - leading you to believe you were in control of the situation, choosing to distance yourself from him. It was all calculated, letting you see Sarahâs name on his phone, telling Sarah you would be free to call at that time when he knew he would be with you. It had hurt him to see your suffering, but he needed you to walk away to realize how much you would miss him, and he could see that it had worked. Every crumb of attention he gave to you now was like watching a drug addict relapse into their first high.
The jealousy that seeped from your pores was the best part, he thought. It was a result of pure, unaltered desire, condensing into spikes on your skin that you mentally flicked into Sarahâs direction. Watching his innocent girl fight the urge inside her to go ballistic was a delight. Because you were his girl, even though you didnât know it yet. He sat comfortably in his chair like he was in a movie theater, spectating from the front row all the conflicting emotions that you screened on your face.Â
âIâm going out for a smoke.â He said after some time, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his jacket. He didnât have to look back to know you were following him, probably after delivering some bullshit excuse to the table. He welcomed the fresh air outside the bar and walked to a corner, your footsteps following behind him. He lit his first cigarette as you approached him. âSmoking now?â The humor is clear in his voice, but you donât fall for it.
âStarted last week. Not that you would know.â You say a blatant lie, holding out your open palm for him to give you a cigarette.Â
âI donât know what this fuss is all about.â His tone is dismissive, knowing where the conversation was heading so he acted like you were making a situation out of nothing. âYouâre the one that started ignoring me for no reason.â He gives you a cigarette and you take it to your mouth, both of you fully aware you donât smoke. But youâre not backing out of any challenges tonight, so when he lights it, you take a long drag of smoke, holding it in your lungs for a few seconds before letting it out.Â
âHow long have the two of you been dating?â He laughs at your question, shaking his head while he takes a drag of his cigarette. âHow long?â You insist.Â
âYou really think that I would date her?â
âThatâs exactly the type I think you would date.âÂ
âReally? How so?â Heâs in front of you now, centering you between him and the wall. He smiles sarcastically while he turns to blow the smoke away from your face, acting like this is all some joke.
âBeautiful, strong, same job as youâŚâ You trail off, fidgeting with the cigarette on the tip of your fingers. âThe list goes on.â
âDoes it? It seems like a pretty short list to me.â He shrugs, and you canât help but notice how his muscles flex under his shirt. âHow have you been?â
You scoff at the sudden change of topic. âLike you care, Simon.â Deciding youâre done with the conversation, you drop your barely smoked cigarette to the ground, using your foot to put it out, a motion youâve watched Simon repeat a thousand times. Whenever he smoked, he always made sure you were okay with it first - and if it were anyone else, you wouldnât be, as you loathed the smell of nicotine. But with him, it was different, everything was. You would watch as his arms flexed, the details of his tattoo poking out from his sleeve as he put the cigarette in his mouth. Hypnotized by his lips, you would try to be discreet, observing the smoke dissipate in the air when he exhaled, dreaming of what his mouth would taste like if you were to kiss him at that moment.Â
Before you can leave, he puts his hand on the wall at the same height as your head, caging you with his body. You hold your breath, wide-eyed, looking up at him in surprise, as he disposes of the cigarette with his other hand.
âOf course I care.â Simon loved catching you by surprise, relishing the look in your eyes as you waited for his next move, completely frozen. He adored how you surrendered all control to him without ever noticing it, inert until his gestures gave you permission to move. It was almost like a dance, as you helplessly waited for him to guide you into the next step.
He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear with his free hand, taking time to observe each feature as he let his hand follow down your face, finally landing on your lips. Resting his hand on your chin, he runs his thumb over your soft lips. He wondered what your lips would taste like if he were to kiss you at this moment.Â
He could see the rapid movement of your chest, your sweet heart thumping under your ribcage. You dry-swallowed as you tried to calm down your breathing, fear mixing with lust in your veins as you came to the realization of how much power Simon had over you, not just physically, but emotionally. You knew then that there was nothing you wouldnât do for another chance to have him touching you like this again, so delicately, so intimately. You couldnât care less if he were to kill you right now, it would have been worth it just for having him look at you like you were the only woman in the world.Â
âStop lying to me, Simon.â He hadnât even kissed you, yet you knew no other man would ever make you feel that way. You wanted to hate him for leading you on, for listening to you like no one else ever had, knowing it didnât mean the same to him. But you couldnât, because this one-sided relationship had been all you had thought about since the two of you had met.Â
âLying? Love, why would I ever want to lie to you? Do my actions not speak louder than my words?â He asks with fake innocence, knowing well enough that you didnât know about his actions. A good girl like you could never imagine all the things he had done, all the work he did in the shadows, covered in blood and gunpowder so you could sleep safely at night. So he could come back to you with peace of mind, knowing he got his hands dirty so you wouldnât have to.Â
âI canât do this.â Youâre talking to yourself at this point, confessions slipping from your lips in the heat of the moment. âI kept lying to myself thinking that I would be okay with you being with another girl, but I canât Simon. I canât handle the thought of sharing you with someone else.â
âYou are so oblivious.â He says, taking a step forward and closing the distance between you. His hand moves from your chin to the nape of your neck, intertwining his finger with your hair and softly pulling it, securing you in a firm grasp. âYou really think itâs been the Universe solving your problems all this time, huh?â He chuckles, clicking his tongue. His other hand moves down to your waist, grabbing it with a firm grip as he presses you against the wall. âLet me give you a hint. The Universe didnât beat your bloody ex-boyfriend into a pulp.â
If your eyes could have physically widened more, they would have. Your mind is brought back to the day Simon showed up at your flat at 5 am, his fists bloody and covered in bruises. He had told you it was from a bar fight and you believed him. You had taken him to the kitchen, where he sat on the isle while you positioned yourself between his knees, wet cloth in hand. You took care of his bruises and washed the blood off his hand, not realizing until now it was your ex-boyfriendâs blood. You fell asleep on the couch with Simon afterwards, while you ran your hands through his hair and told yourself that whoever he had hurt must have deserved it. When you woke up to your friend calling you to deliver the news that your ex was in the hospital, beaten beyond recognition, Simon shushed you and convinced you to go back to sleep in his arms.Â
It made sense now, why sometimes the coffee shop would charge cheaper for your order because of the âskull guyâ, but with the ownerâs thick accent, you didnât think much of it, assuming it was a foreign word for âdealâ or âpromotionâ, sipping your coffee mindlessly as you left the shop.Â
Not even when your boss made the sign of the cross and muttered âghostâ every time he crossed your path did you ever realize it had been Simon pulling the strings all along.
When you think back to every problem you had told him about, only to wake up to it magically solved, you finally notice that Simon had been looking out for you all this time, not ever worrying about getting credit for his deeds or the consequences they could ever cause him.Â
âHow could I not care about you, princess? I would kill for you. All you have to do is askâ.Â
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#call of duty#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost x you#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x you#simon riley imagine#toxic ghost#nella writes
147 notes
¡
View notes
Note
yes please, I love ur Remus stories <3 maybe write about him and reader having a fight but the other boys kinda agree that she's right and remus getting mad at them too? idk if u understand what i mean haha but a happy ending ofc
thank you for requesting!đ¤
.
You and Remus didnât fight often, not really.
You had the odd squabble here and there, the ones that didnât really mean anything and would usually end with the both of you laughing it off. Or the ones that were so stupid that youâd go a few hours not talking to each other before realising just how dumb you both were.
But it had never been this bad. And it had never been in front of an audience either.
âHeâs gonna come around, bug, just gotta give him some time,â Sirius murmured as he slumped down onto the couch next to you, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his side.
âIs he though?â you whispered, the thought that had been plaguing your mind for the last few days and saying it out loud only made the pit in your stomach deepen. âHe hasnât spoken to us in three days, Sirius.â
âHeâs just a stubborn git sometimes,â Sirius assured you with a soft squeeze to your shoulder. âHe needs some time to realise that heâs wrong. Heâs gonna come back to us, bug, I know our Moony.âÂ
âIâm just worried,â you admitted, your chin tucked against your chest as you stared down at your hands, picking at the skin around your nails before another hand reached over to bat your fingers away.
âWe are too,â this time it was James who spoke as he settled on the other side of you, flashing you a smile that made the tightness in your chest ease a little. âBut heâs a good egg, even if he is a bit emotionally slow sometimes.â
In all honesty, you couldnât remember exactly what the fight had been about. It started off as a conversation about the full moon and Remusâ safety, and it ended with you two yelling at each other from across the room before he stormed off after Sirius and James stepped in, backing you up.
He didnât return to the flat that night and you heard from Lily that he had crashed at Maryâs place for the time being. You were happy he was safe but you wish he was home, you wish he was with you. Sleeping in your bed alone only further set you on edge and the fact the house seemed so empty didnât help.Â
It was why the two boys had been hanging around as much as they could. You knew exactly what they were doing, even if they didnât say it out loud. But you appreciated the gesture nonetheless.Â
âWhat do you feel like for dinner today?â James asked as he reached for the pile of takeout menus lying on the coffee table. âIt's your turn.â
Sirius frowned. âI thought it was my turn?â
âYeah but youâre gonna choose something weird,â James grumbled, narrowly avoiding the attack when Sirius leaned over to smack the back of his head.
You laughed. âBoth of you are actual children, Iââ
But you cut yourself off when you heard the door lock turning.Â
In an instant all three of you were standing, the boys taking a stance in front of you with their wands drawn and ready, only to pause when they noticed it was Remus walking through the door. Remus, with heavy bags under his eyes and a bouquet of your favourite flowers in his hand.Â
âHi,â he whispered, taking in the sight of his two friends before his eyes fell on you.
âHey,â you whispered back with a timid smile.
âUh, weâre gonna go!â James suddenly announced as he slapped his hands together. âIsnât that right, Pads?âÂ
âVery right indeed, Prongs!âÂ
If it werenât for the werewolf standing a few feet away from you, you would have found the sight of two grown wizards scattering and rushing towards the door quite amusing. But your attention was completely snagged on your boyfriend.
âLet me just get this out before you say anything,â Remus quickly spoke up before you could even open your mouth. âPlease.â
You nodded for him to continue.
âIâm sorry, baby,â he whispered out as he began to walk closer to you. âI am so fucking sorry for being an idiot these past few days. I am sorry for having my head up my ass. I am sorry that you just cared about me and my safety and I freaked out on you.âÂ
His eyes never left yours as he stopped a few inches in front of you, letting out a shaky breath. âI guess itâs still hard for me to remember that I have people who care about me and accept me. That I have someone like you who loves me unconditionally.â
âEven when youâre being an ass,â you added with a soft smile.
Remus grinned. âEven when Iâm being an ass.â
âI just want you to be safe,â you murmured softly, almost as if you were scared to kick off the argument all over again.
âI know, Iâm sorry I freaked out,â he muttered as he placed the flowers down gently before taking your face in his hands. âI love you and I would have done the same for you.â
You leaned into his touch. âI love you too, Lupin.âÂ
âThank fuck for that,â he said with a sigh of relief before he leaned down to kiss you.
âBe honest,â you muttered against his lips. âDid Mary kick your ass when you told her the whole story?â
Remus snorted. âBig time.âÂ
Your grin widened. âI knew I loved her.â
.
#remus lupin#marauders#harry potter#hp#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin fic#remus lupin oneshot#marauders x reader#marauders x you#marauders x y/n#marauders fic#marauders one shot#harry potter x reader#harry potter x you#harry potter x y/n#harry potter fic#harry potter oneshot#hp x reader#hp x you#hp x y/n#hp fic#hp one shot
790 notes
¡
View notes
Text
jason todd || stake outs, they never really... work
i.e. jason peter todd brain rot hit my brain in the middle of the night when i had an assignment to complete (the assignment was never completed) with this song on REPEAT.
warning: this fic was an oc insert, the only thing changed was the name (or lack of... i suppose) !!!
afab!reader, she/her reader, reader has unnamed boyfriend, reader cheats on said unnamed boyfriend, a lot of f bombs, this is unfinished, stops just when they bouta...
âI didnât know your eyes were so green,â she mumbled, almost incoherently as her nail graced his cheekbone like it never left, âLike⌠Deep green.â
Jason doesnât need a mirror to know his ears are already doing the thing where theyâre all flushed, he can feel in the way his breaths stop at that point in his throat, feel it in the way his heart starts stuttering against her hand on his chest. Fuck.
He fidgets underneath her, hands flat on the floor of his van as he tries to sit up, âTheyâre notâ Well sometimes they are⌠Just⌠Could you get off me? ... Please?â
Her eyes flicker (and God he wished he didnât notice the way they wander his body to his lips) before her hand leaves his chest, her nail stopping its movements, and she's sat with her knees to her chin. With a groan, she rests her chin on her knees, quickly replacing it with their forehead when she groans even louder.
Jason chuckles, glad to have his space again but somehow missing the flush of his ears. Fuck. His stupid revived brain cannot be doing this right now. Not on a stake out, not on a stake out with his best friend, not on a stake out with his best friend who just so happens to have a boyfriend of a couple monthsâ Yeah⌠Thatâs fucked.
A silence wafts through them, and they both wonder if the other can tell thereâs something more in the silence than just that, than just silence.
She shivers at the very thought, shuffling away to one of the computers of the van. Jason stills, finding the back of the van suddenly extremely comfortable as he watches her hands type away. He watches her every move, the way only the slightest movement of her hair falling to her face would irk her off and sheâd tuck it back into the back of her ear just as quick as it moved, the way her bottom lips insides were bitten as she examined whatever was on that monitor, the way her eyes flicked from the monitor to Jasonâ Oh.
âWhat?â She mumbled. Odd, he realised, she never really mumbled around him beforeâ Not when they were kids, teens, after his revival, not after anything. She was always soâŚ. Snarky.
He clears his throat in hopes itâd clear his mind too, âNothing, nothingââ he curses at his awkward responses, he was never like this around her before eitherâ âJust lost in thought.â
She nodded, understanding as always, quiet as never.
âJasonâŚâ his heart jumped to his throat at the sound of her voice merely uttering the two syllables that made up his name, âDo you wanna pass some time with me?â
His mind started rushing and his blood started squeezing around his veins at obscure speeds, down, down, down. He let out his second and hopefully last awkward chuckle, âLike a game of âI Spy?â?â
They used to play that all the time back in detention whenever Prof. Duong started nodding off to dream lands far far away from that dumb school for the troubled. But Jason guessed they werenât back at detention, guessed they werenât really kids anymore when she started to inch closer to him than ever.
He tried his best to look everywhere but her, in hopes his hands didnât jump at the chance to grab her waist and just have her as near as possibleâ But of course, as always, he failed. And all of a sudden his eyes couldnât leave the two piercings that sat symmetrically on her bottom lipâ and his thoughts couldnât leave the mere feel of them against his lips alone.
âNo, birdie wonder,â she made herself at home between his legs, on her knees as she leaned in closer and closer. She hadnât changed her perfume since before his death, he realised when she was just a couple of inches away, âSomething more⌠Grown up?â
The only thing keeping him grounded, keeping him from absolutely taking her in with all his soul, was the two necklaces that were clasped onto her neck. His mothers necklace, and a newer oneâ A silver heart-shaped locket engraved with the lettering âKâ.
His hand comes up to fiddle with it, âHm⌠Do you think âKâ would approve of this?â
That stalls her, just for a bit, just for a small stutter of her heart. All until her hands leave his chestâ and he starts wishing he never said anything about no stupid âKââ and goes behind her neck to unclasp the poor thing.
She slides it to the other side of the van, âFuck it.â
The very moment she turns around, he knows how those piercings feel against his lipsâ Right.
His thumb caresses her cheekbone as he leads their kiss down so that sheâs on the floor of the van. His knee comes up and slots easily between her legs as heâs met with the surprise that sheâs got a piercing in her tongue as well. He shivers down into a small groan against her lips, his other hand sliding up her shirt and tracing the line of her bra.
She whimpers into his lips and he wishes he could let that consume all of him forever, keep that exact moment engraved in his brain as the feeling of her reverberates across his very soul. He wonders if âKââs ever felt that exact same whimper on his lips, and wonders if he even took care of her like Jason could.
His kisses grew hotter yet languid in the way of savouring every moment their lips touched, he starts to kiss down from her lips, down to the expanse of her neck where he held himself back on leaving any mark of some sort, down to her collar bone where he left the smallest of nips that made the smallest of moans leave her shaky lips.
He looks at her through the gaps of his lashes, the way her eyebrows furrowed and her lips trembled at just his teasing knee and a couple nibs and kisses. He grew hot. And bothered. Very bothered.
But before he could do any more than just that he huffs as he spoke out to her, âAre you sure...? Are you so sure this is what you want? ... With me?â
#yvi's brainrot#jason todd#jason peter todd#jason todd x reader#x reader#reader insert#afab reader#she her#original character#oc x canon#i guess#dc universe#dc comics#dc robin#jason todd smut#consent is sexy#first post#edging but in the sense that the work is unfinished#maybe i'll finish it#red hood#red hood x reader#red hood smut#red hood x you#jason todd x you#jason todd fanfiction#red hood fanfiction#dc fanfic#dc fic#like i said... very much unfinished#part of a bigger narrative
85 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Fight - word count: 783 - Jegulas
James Potter wasnât used to waiting. He wasnât used to silence eitherânot from Regulus, anyway.
It had been a small fight. At least, James thought it was small. Something about Regulus shutting himself off again, about the walls he built up even when James had been so careful to break them down. James had snapped, said something about how hard it was to be with someone who wouldnât let him in, and thenâjust like thatâRegulus had left.
That was last night.
Now it was late afternoon, and James hadnât heard a word. No owl. No patronus. Not even a cutting remark scribbled on a piece of parchment. Just nothing.
James sat on the couch in the flat they sometimes shared, his knee bouncing with restless energy. His wand was on the coffee table, next to the cold remains of the tea heâd made hours ago. Sirius had dropped by earlier, but James had sent him away with some excuse about needing to handle it himself.
Because he did. He needed to fix this.
The problem was, he didnât know how. Regulus wasnât like anyone James had ever loved before. He was quiet and guarded, his affection revealed in small, fleeting momentsâa hand brushing against Jamesâs in passing, the way he lingered when he thought James wasnât paying attention. And when Regulus felt cornered, he pulled away, retreating into himself like a shadow.
James hated the silence.
He glanced at the clock, then at the door. Heâd debated going to find Regulusâsearching the library where he sometimes hid or even the cold expanse of Grimmauld Place. But something held him back.
Maybe Regulus needed space.
Or maybe James was terrified of what heâd find.
Finally, just as the tension in his chest became unbearable, the door creaked open. James shot to his feet, his heart pounding as Regulus stepped inside.
He looked⌠tired. His hair was slightly mussed, as if heâd run his hands through it too many times, and there were faint shadows under his gray eyes. He didnât meet Jamesâs gaze right away, instead shutting the door behind him with slow, deliberate movements.
âReg,â James started, but Regulus held up a hand, cutting him off.
âBefore you say anything,â Regulus said quietly, his voice steady but brittle, âI just need to know. Is this it? Are we⌠done?â
James stared at him, completely thrown. âWhat? No! Merlin, no, Reg, why would you think that?â
Regulus let out a shaky breath, his hand falling to his side. âBecause I know Iâm difficult, James. I know Iâm not⌠easy to love. And last night, when you saidââ He stopped, his voice breaking slightly before he could recover. âI thought maybe youâd finally realized it wasnât worth it.â
James crossed the room in three quick strides, stopping just short of touching Regulus. âRegulus,â he said firmly, his voice full of the kind of conviction he wished Regulus could hear every time he doubted himself. âI donât think that. I never think that. Youâre not difficult, youâre just⌠you. And Iâm here because I want to be. Because I love you.â
Regulusâs eyes finally met Jamesâs, and for the first time all day, James saw something soften in him. âYou do?â
âOf course I do,â James said, his hands itching to reach out. âYouâre it for me, Reg. Even when we fight, even when you shut me out, Iâm not going anywhere. I justâŚâ He sighed. âI need you to talk to me. To tell me when youâre scared, or upset, orâhell, anything. You donât have to carry it all by yourself.â
Regulus swallowed hard, and James could see the vulnerability in the way he shifted his weight, the way he glanced at the floor before looking back at James.
âIâm not good at that,â Regulus admitted. âTalking.â
âI know,â James said softly. âBut Iâll wait. However long it takes, Iâll wait for you.â
Regulus let out a breath that sounded like relief. âI was afraid,â he said, his voice barely above a whisper. âAfraid that if I came back, youâd tell me it was over. So I stayed away.â
James felt his heart ache at the admission. He reached out, his hand resting gently on Regulusâs cheek. âNext time, donât stay away. Come back. Always come back to me.â
Regulus leaned into the touch, his eyes closing for a moment before he nodded. âOkay.â
James pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly as if he could shield him from all the doubts and fears Regulus carried. âWeâre okay, yeah?â James murmured into his hair.
Regulus nodded against his chest. âYeah,â he said, his voice steadier now. âWeâre okay.â
36 notes
¡
View notes
Note
omg feel free to ignore but can you do BoB headcanons of having a female medic s/o with big boobs đ
Easy co.âs reaction to having a nurse s/o with big boobs
genre: Fluff; suggestive
warnings: Language, suggestion (sorry guys)
description: Easy companyâs men reaction to you (their s/o) being their nurse and having big boobs.
a/n: Hey!! Sorry I totally didnât see the medic part and I accidentally wrote it as nurse iâm so sorry đ Anywho, just a reminder that this isnât any hate towards any itty-bitty-titty community at all! (love you guys for real!) Also, some of these might seem like theyâre sexualizing the reader but please donât take it that way, itâs all supposed to be about love!! Hope you enjoy reading <3
Taglist: @sweetxvanixlla @ronsparky @samwinchesterslostshoe @executethyself35 @linhkhanhcps @1waveshortofashipwreck @grumpy-liebgott @barbeygirl (if you want to be added to the taglist, let me know!)
Dick Winters: - He tries to be the most respectful, itâs inappropriate to look at your body that way and he really respects you.
- But he also is fighting himself from blushing when he sees how your figure looks in your nurses uniform
- He finds you beautiful regardless though, no matter what your chest size is (even tho heâs had a very hard time trying not to stare)
Lewis Nixon: - his eyes get really big when he sees you in your nurse uniform, your cleavage out almost perfectly.
- His throat becomes dry, he feels the urge to drink water, lots of it from his recent thirst, but it seems the only thing heâs thirsty for is you.
- After seeing only men for the past months, and you being the first women he sees in the hospital, he almost dies flat out and he would be completely happy to do so
Carwood Lipton: - He doesnât even notice at first, he only looks when you have to reach across his body in order to find a good vein.
- His face gets so red, one because heâs guilty for looking, another because heâs absolutely in awe of the beautiful things in front of him
- He still tries to not objectify you, but he truly finds you beautiful in general. He canât help but get goosebumps at the thought of seeing you again
Joe Toye: - Man when he sees you in that nurses dress, after almost a year of seeing only the men around him, he gets so close to losing it
- He literally starts drooling at the mouth whenever he sees you, youâre like a dream come true, an answer to every single one of his prayers.
- When you do get close to him itâs like he canât breathe, your body only clouds his mind with unholy thoughts and the dying urge to feel your pretty chest. Heâs absolutely desperate for you and getting to know you for the rest of his stay at the hospital.
Joe Liebgott: - NOW WE ALL KNOW THIS MAN IS HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE When he sees you, he actually does lose it, a big smile rising onto his face as though the girl of his dreams is now assigned as his nurse
- Heâs an absolute slut for you. Like heâs gonna try his absolute best to make you his, whatever he has to do, heâll do it. He canât help but flirt with you any chance he can get.
- When itâs getting close to the end of his stay, heâs dreading it. Only wishing to see you everyday. Heâll practically beg to see you again sometime, or if he can write to you. And being good friends you say yes, making him the happiest man alive.
Bill Guarnere: - Heâs probably the biggest flirt youâve had as a patient. The look on his face is the equivalence of a kid in a candy store for the first time. Heâs quick to introduce himself to you, bringing out his best charm for you
- âYou always walk around looking like that? Itâs killinâ me, doll, and you know itâ He would whisper in your ear as you take care of him. Itâs hard not to give in when heâs so enticing like this, his voice sending you chills when he talks to you so romantically.
- Heâd promise heâd write to you once he gets better, making sure that once the war was over, heâd find you again and take you out the right way.
George Luz: -He gets so smiley when he sees you, he doesnât mean to stare at your chest, in his defense your chest was kinda staring at him first, your uniform was a bit tight in the upper half making you a bit more revealed, but he didnât mind one bit.
-He was actually rather joyful, whenever he saw you, you brought his hopes up a bunch. It always made him so happy to see you. Just being around a women and getting to be taken care of by you was a dream.
- He loves every second that he has with you, I could definitely see him being quite smitten with you after you taking such good care of him.
Eugene Roe: - He gets super shy around you and finds it pretty hard to make eye contact for the longest. He never thought heâd be the one to end up hurt, especially when he was supposed to be the one to help people get better, but being around you makes things a lot better.
- Sometimes heâd like to imagine that you guys are together while youâre taking care of him and when heâs really sad. just a lovely girlfriend taking care of her sick boyfriend is what he sees in his head (even tho he knows thatâs not the case)
- When you ask if heâd like for you to write letters, he almost finds it impossible that a gorgeous girl like you, would want him to be your man. Heâs estatic and would say yes immediately.
Bull Randleman: - Itâs love at first sight for him. âWowâ is all he can say under his breath when he sees you for the first time. Itâs an amazing sight.
- In the most non-offensive way possible, youâre like a wet dream come true to him. A sweet, pretty girl, with the prettiest tits known to man, taking care of him while heâs hurt.
- Itâs like a dream for the rest of his time there. He waits and counts down the hours until you take care of him again, heâs just so happy to be in your presence.
Floyd Talbert: - After everything heâs endured the past months, youâre the best thing heâs ever seen. Literally a gift from God. You and your amazing top half mesmerizing him by the way you do practically anything.
- He looks forward to every-time he sees you. And when he does heâs flirting with you nonstop. âYou know, when all this is over with, I would love to get to know you better.â
- Heâs gotta a staring problem really bad, he tries to stop, but he canât help it. Youâre the first woman heâs laid eyes on in so long and he just canât get enough of your body.
Skip Muck: - âChrist in heaven, youâre the best thing iâve seen my entire lifeâ He says when you walk to his bed, urgent for your care. âHow are you today beautiful? Do I need to fight any fellas for giving you a problem?â Heâs very playful with you, but thereâs only truth to his words.
- He thinks youâre so pretty though, heâs like a schoolgirl crushing on her teacher, anticipating for your arrival everyday, and being a pet to you everytime you are around.
- When his stay is ending, he finally confesses his feelings to you, letting you know how much he actually enjoys spending time with you, and how he would love to see you after the war.
Don Malarkey:- Heâs like a little boy around you, so cheerful and happy. When he first met you he was struck by your pretty face, and its was no surprise that your chest was perfect too.
- He tries being respectful every time youâre around, but itâs hard not to steal a glance at your pretty chest every now and then. You never fail to send butterflies down his body when you get close to him too.
-Heâs extra sweet to you always, calling you maâam respectfully, asking if he can do anything for you despite his physical condition. Heâs just very happy to have a positive energy like you around him.
Babe Heffron: - âMy goodness, what have I done to deserve youâ He says when he sees you walk over to him, it doesnât even matter if heâs hurt, he canât feel it anymore. Only thing he can feel is a burning desire for you.
- Youâll catch him staring towards you a lot, he doesnât even try to hide his staring eyes. He is truly fascinated with you.
- When his stay gets cut short, he asks you if youâd like for him to write to you, it was the sweetest youâd ever saw him. When you said yes he would grab you in a hug and swing you around with joy.
Shifty Powers: - Heâs the most respectful out of all the guys. Heâs well aware of how perfect your chest is, but heâs not going out of his way to make you uncomfortable at all. Heâs pretty mature about it.
- But he does find you beautiful, to him, your body is obviously amazing, but you are so much more to him then just a nice nurse with pretty tits. Youâre amazing girl that he would love to know more of.
- He probably would tell you how he feels later on once his time there was up, it he would be super nice and respectful about it.
Frank Perconte: - Heâs like a dog to a bone, absolutely enamored with you and your smokinâ body (as he would like to call it)
- âWhat a dameâ Heâd say under his breath, suddenly in the need of water by your nice looks. Heâs definitely gotta staring problem (he really canât help it đ)
- âWhen all this is over with, you wanna come home with me, pretty girl?â He would flirt with you until he physically canât anymore
Ronald Speirs: - He doesnât want to give you a huge reaction, but if you could read his mind, youâd be surprised about the things heâd been thinking aboutâŚ.
- âDoll, do you know the effect that you leave on half of the guys in this place? I canât tell you what all theyâd do just to touch youâ
- In all, heâs mesmerized by your body and the way you move. Even in the most basic moments, he just canât help but watch you do your job.
Skinny Sisk: - âYouâre my nurse, wow. Is it my lucky day or somethinâ?â When he sees you, heâs so happy that youâre gonna be the one taking care of him
- Heâs a big simp for you, if you need anything, someone to talk to, help (if heâs physically able) then heâs more then willing to do it.
- Heâs so smiley and happy around you itâs so sweet!! He tries not to stare at your amazing rack but he thinks youâre the prettiest heâs ever seen.
Chuck Grant: - âGolly, am I in heaven?â He thinks youâre an absolute angel after all of the hell heâs seen. If good looks could kill, heâd be willing to die under your watch.
- He has to remind himself constantly than your eyes are âup thereâ instead of anything otherwise, but he canât concentrate on anything when youâre in the room (for obvious reasons ofc)
- Heâs well behaved on the most part though, just a sweet bby who loves your chest like itâs nothing LOL
Johnny Martin: - He actually feels so much better when he finds out you are gonna he his nurse. Christmas day came early for him (a pretty girl with nice tits was for sure on his list)
- âWhat are you doinâ here? Shouldnât you be performing at some show or something, youâre too pretty to workâ He doesnât understand why youâre having to move a finger tbh, youâre too precious to him đ
- âI had a nice time with you while I was here, if you ever wanna write to me, you can, dollâ He honestly gets kinda sad when he knows he wonât be able to wake up to your pretty face (and tits) everyday.
David Webster: - Tbh youâre the real reason why heâs in the hospital for so damn long 𤣠like the moment he met you he just had to be around you at all times
- He stares a lot, and has a quite bit of dirty daydreams containing your chest and him đ
- Honestly he didnât even think he was a boobs guy until he met you, you really changed him for the better
Buck Compton: - Heâs this emoji: đ¤¤, actually drooling at the mouth, you look so good to him.
- Heâs never been happier to be in a hospital at the moment, your presence is enough to bring him back to full health tbh
- Heâs super thankful in general that he has such a pretty and well rounded (see what I did there ) nurse taking care of him while heâs down
Thank you for your request! If you enjoyed, make sure to reblog or like! đŠˇ
#band of brothers#band of brothers headcanons#band of brothers reaction#band of brothers preferences#band of brothers imagine#band of brothers fanfic#band of brothers recs#dick winters#lewis nixon#carwood lipton#joe toye#joe liebgott#bill guarnere#george luz#floyd talbert#bull randleman#eugene roe#skip muck#don malarkey#babe heffron#shifty powers#frank perconte#skinny sisk#ronald speirs#chuck grant#buck compton#david webster#johnny martin#ithinkabouttzu
104 notes
¡
View notes
Text
âHey guys, I know youâve all been following me for a while, I saw the comments, believe me. Everybody has been wondering, since my friend got not just a reduction, but a full mastectomy, when will my big olâ bouncy boobs be going away? Well, you can consider this an announcement!â
She brings her friend out, the song they dance a bit to says âwish there were two of meâ, and itâs fairly apt. âThatâs right, you remember how short and stacked she was, Hell, she was at least three sizes bigger than me beforeâŚnow look at how flat she is! Uggh, thinking about how they chopped all that down to this complete flatnessâŚit kind of makes me wet, as does reading you guysâs comments. đŠâ
Her friend nervously chuckles. âUhh, yeah, wow, that is a lot, but I donât blame you. Reductions have been a big social media trend, havenât they? I donât even think most busty young women even make it to 23 now without their tits getting chopped off or liposuctioned away. Guys and girls alike are pressuring us, sometimes saying for health reasons, but mostly feel like theyâre either catcalling or trying to tear us down. It feels so weird that our generation isnât allowed to have anything bigger than C-cups by like 25 or so.â âOh, nonsense! You remember me groping your jumbo jugs from before? Those fat lard sacks were full of tumors, too, I felt it, I swear.â The taller girl bites her lip as she says this, then looks down at her own bouncy pair, groping it and saying âBye bye soon, titties.â
âI-Iâm not sure where this social pressure or trend came from. You donât seem like you need this medically or anything, you just seemâŚhorny.â Her friend slapped her in her flat chest. âOw!â âNonsense! Itâs very necessary! Young women bouncing around with massive, boingy chestsâŚitâs so perverted! Having big tits is for mothers after theyâre impregnated, maybe then you can earn back the right to having a large chest, when theyâre there for a purpose, and not just sexual lust and titillation! Although hateboners fuck the hardest, and getting rid of your pillowy soft tits makes all the sex you have hatesex.â âShit, youâre full of contradictions, girlâŚâ
âWhatever, bitch! My insurance approved, and Iâm gonna get my tits chopped completely off, and nobodyâs gonna stop me.â âOkay, I guess. Honestly, did you and my mom make me get them cut off out of jealousy?â âWell, since you donât have them any more. Yes, yes, we did. In fact, your mom and I were talking about it a whole lot. And you see, she grew back, after she got married and became a good wife.â âYeah, like C-cupsâŚI saw pics of her when she was 21, she had H-cups, then went flat after college.â âDonât be such a bitch, if you want your precious tits back, thatâll at least give you something, right? You know how it is now, reductions are like the hottest thing on the planetâŚâ
#breast reduction#breast shrinking#body modification kink#breast reduction kink#breast shrinking kink#medical kink#nogoodnik material#all acknowledgements to beatrixstonehill2#for this kind of style
20 notes
¡
View notes
Note
Hi Finch!
I just tried on my new binder (the one I told you about a few days ago). I'm glad that I tried to manage my expectations, I think I'd be upset now if I hadn't done that... but let me tell you about the new binder.
The front is a lot less stiff than my other one. That's not what I expected, but it makes sense given the descriptions n stuff. It's also more flexible and comfortable than my other one. That's good, because I bought it primarily for the comfort. Now, the compression it gives is just a little more than a sports bra, which is fine, my other one doesn't do wonders either, that one just looks like more bc the front is more stiff and does a better job at concealing the under boob gap thingy (if you know what I mean). Overall I think I like this one but I might still look into buying another one of the first one, but in skin color. Idk, we'll see.
I wish binders would do more for me compression wise. For some reason my chest doesn't get compressed a lot even though it's on the small side. I feel like the tissue is just dense or something? Idk, I don't have a lot of knowledge regarding the density of tissue in that area lol. I just want a clearer picture in my head of what I might look/feel like with a flat chest, you know? And I need tools like the binder to get that picture as having aphantasia means I can't just imagine it, which is really annoying. I don't really have any notable dysphoria, I just want to know if I'd feel more comfortable with a flat chest. Idk, gender is weird...
Anyway! As for binder safety, I don't wear binders in my day-to-day life, I just sometimes put them on for pride events or dinners n stuff like that. I should be good to go on that front ^^ instead of binding I just do the slouching method lol, I know that's not great either but I think it's slightly better?
I think that's it from me for today though! I hope you and everyone else who reads this has/had a wonderful day ^^ go hydrate and take care of yourselves everyone!
- đđ
Hey kiddo! I completely understand your frustration with binders not compressing fully, I have a similar situation and it can be frustrating. But I'm really glad you have it as an option!!
- dad x
14 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Gonna rant about my gender identity because I've been pondering it lately for some reason
I was born with the body of a girl, and I don't mind it. Sometimes I wish I was different, but most times I don't. Sure, the monthly bleeding and hormones are annoying, but I love this body. It may not love me, but I'm doing whatever I can to help that.
I feel like this is mainly due to the fact that I have grown and changed- both physically and mentally- as a person. I grew up hating this body, doing whatever I could to disgrace it. I went through a period in my early teens where I would never look at my body in the mirror. Every time I went to shower, I would turn and face away from the giant mirror in the bathroom. I would cover my eyes so I didn't have to see the body I so badly wanted to be rid of.
Since then, I have come to terms with the shape and anatomy of my body. I now truly believe I am beautiful.
When I was a small child, before reaching double-digit age, I was avid on not being feminine. I hated the color pink, I didn't like stereotypically "girly" things, I did not wear skirts or dresses, I did not paint my nails, I did not like makeup. I never understood why, but now I know it was dysphoria. I did not know it at the time, but I was a boy internally. There was a great disconnect between me and femininity- even though I was a girl, I never felt like one. I felt like I was pretending whenever I presented myself as such.
This is still partially true. Internally, I feel like a boy.
As a preteen, I was obsessed with presenting as femininely as possible. I would shave my arms and legs, stuff my bra, and try to act as "girly" as possible. This was mainly to get male attention. I wanted to be seen and wanted as a woman, to be pretty and desired like all the other girls who had boys falling all over them. At that time, I had a boyfriend and was wildly insecure. By increasing my femininity, I thought he'd pay more attention to me and love me more. This was to no avail.
Only until the pandemic hit did I discover myself.
As I reached my teen years, I thought I was a transgender man. I would dress in jeans and button ups every day, wear sports bras that made my chest look virtually flat, and never shave. I believed that I was a boy, and wanted to be a boy. But I did not want to change my body. This was confusing to me, since at the time, I didn't fully understand that your body doesn't coordinate with your gender identity. It was at this time that I chose my second name: Axel. In typical 13-year-old-me fashion, this name came to me through a video in which a German grandmother gave Haikyu characters German names. Of course, she named my favorite character "Axel", and after a quick google search, I discovered that the name was Scandinavian in origin. Seeing this as an opportunity to pay homage to my ancestors, as well as reinvent myself, I took the name and ran.
After a few years, I am still incredibly happy with this name. The nickname "Axe" is an additional perk.
Only in recent years have I really put two and two together on my real identity. I came across the knowledge that my gender was very flexible and dependent on how I felt that day. I discovered the term "genderfluid" shortly after, which completely transformed my identity. Before, I had classified myself as ftm, even though that never felt quite right. After some research, I concluded that the term "genderfluid" perfectly described how I felt.
I am still very happy with this label. It fits like a glove.
A year or two ago, I finally got my first gender-affirming haircut. It was still fairly feminine, but having hair that didn't go past my shoulders was like a puzzle piece finally clicking into place. Since then, I have gone shorter and shorter, and I now have my sides shaved and a stylized mullet- to the distress of my twin flame, who hates mullets. As I entered my first serious relationship, I discovered that I don't like being seen as a girl through and through. I like being seen as a boy and being referred to as such, even though I present incredibly feminine.
The best way I can describe this is through the analogy of a drag queen. Some fully identify and embrace being physically and mentally male, even though they enjoy presenting feminine. I'm like a drag queen who never takes the makeup off.
8 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Soft Words
This is inspired by a work from @kieropal I asked for a chubby reader with chubby Arthur and it was one of the best things Iâve read! So Iâd like to take a crack at writing something myself!Â
Chubby Arthur needs love just as much as regular Arthur!Â
I realize Iâve been bad at putting warnings in the beginnings of my work so Iâll do my best to list them at the beginnings of each work!Â
Not smutty this time but I WILL be writing a chunky Arthur smut at some point
I hope you enjoy this!Â
Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Chubby Fem reader x Chubby Arthur Morgan, just sad Arthur in general NOT smut but there are 18+ themes involved and suggestive material and some smutty terms/thoughts
You held your hands against your stomach, staring up at the ceiling of your tent, trying to do your best not to feel the way you did.Â
It was like this all the time, this wasnât new.
You hated yourself. There was no point in you trying to hide it from yourself, no reason to sugarcoat it.Â
You hated the way your body looked, the way your stomach looked. It wasnât flat, like you wished it was, like you hoped it to be.
No matter how much you tried to get rid of it nothing worked.
You drank nothing but water, you tried to do as many exercises as you could, picking up extra chores from others in camp, ate as healthy as you could considering what Pearson cooked for camp.
Yet the stomach still lingered.
Hanging over your pants, so you hiked them up as far as you could, often only stopping after your belly button.Â
It wasnât attractive. It was ugly.Â
Who wanted anything to do with someone who looked this way?Â
Hell, you might have had breasts, but they sure as hell didnât make up for it. If anything they just barely came past your stomach and you hardly had an ass.Â
You felt disproportionate and it wasnât like you could do anything about it.Â
You sigh and put your hand over your eyes.Â
How did you get here? What exactly had led you here tonight specifically?
The day had been good for the most part. You felt as though youâd sweat up a storm, youâd done more than enough exercise for the day, and you felt just...
Content, for the first time in what felt like a long time.
So what had happened?
You take a moment to wipe away a tear that rolls down the side of your face, warm and irritating.
Arthur.
Arthur Morgan had happened.Â
That man did nothing but confuse you.
He was just completely and utterly complex.Â
No matter what subject it was.
Was he rough? Or was he kind? Smart or dumb? Did he like you or does he not? Are you nothing but a friend to him?Â
Jesus it was so frustrating.Â
He was a hulking man. A huge man. His shoulders were wide, his back was strong, and he had a barrel chest.Â
His hands were huge too, hell, you watched him in camp, noticed how he stood, how he acted.Â
His hands were often clasped over his belt and they engulfed the entire thing.Â
Sometimes your thoughts ran wild and you couldnât help but imagine Arthurâs hands, those massive hands, wrapping around your neck.
Hell sometimes.....shit sometimes you imagined what he must look like with his hand wrapped around his cock in his own tent.
His stomach protruded a little outwards, hanging over his belt, but the difference between your stomach and his was that for him it worked.
It only added to his intimidating nature.Â
That and he managed to make it look good, in no way did it make him look ugly as yours did for you.
He was a massive figure, one that you didnât expect to see being so kind to Jack, or smiling at a stupid joke Sean had made at the fire.Â
He made you fall for him, and sometimes it seemed like he felt the same for you, but then heâd go and confuse you again.
Like this afternoon.
The two of you had sat together near the fire quietly, him next to you, your knee gently grazing his thigh.
Youâd sat and talked to each other, babbling on about each others days and making each other laugh with your stupid jokes that probably werenât even funny.
Then all the sudden heâd clammed up and headed to his tent, claiming he had a headache.Â
It was things like that, that made you question what was going on.
He offered you sweet little smiles, you watched his face grow red on multiple occasions, and yet...
He always had an excuse to leave you.
You rolled to your side and managed to force yourself up.
You werenât going to sleep you knew that, so you might as well go enjoy the view of Horseshoe.Â
Horseshoe Overlook was a beautiful place, and you tried to remind yourself that everyday, but your anxiety got the better of you most days, it made your head clouded and it was difficult to actually be thankful for things around you.Â
The edge of camp, where a cliff resided, was your place of choice.Â
There was a small tree near the overlook that you always headed to. You loved to lean against it and look out to the sky above.Â
Tonight was no different.
The night sky was much more beautiful than that of the day sky.Â
The stars littered it from east to west, and you could see a few constellations.Â
You sigh and leaned your head back against the bark of the tree. closing your eyes.Â
âY/N?âÂ
You twist slightly and look towards the voice thatâd called out to you, and your stomach drops as you look at the man standing there.
Arthur has a lit cigarette between his lips, and a furrowed brow as he looks at you.Â
âHey Arthur.â You mumble.Â
âYou alright?âÂ
âIâm fine.â You return back to your view.Â
âYa sure? I....itâs awfully late for ya to be up miss.âÂ
âItâs not stopping you.â You reply with snark, and then you immediately feel bad, knowing heâs only trying to help you.
âNah, it ainât stoppinâ me, youâre right but I ainât a pretty woman in need of sleep Darlinâ.âÂ
Your stomach flutters at the sound of his voice, the name he called you.
You clear your throat, doing your best to ignore the compliment. Quietly you look over as he nears you. He plops down on the ground next to you, groaning with the effort and mumbling something that sounded like: Iâm too old for this, under his breath.
âWhat about you?â You question quietly. âWhy are you up?âÂ
âThinkinâ.â He muses. âMy brainâs goinâ too fast for me to just sit and sleep, so, I was gonna come out, smoke, hopefully knock myself out on a damn tree.â
You snort and sigh as you close your eyes.
âI guess itâs the same for me too.âÂ
He grunts in response and takes a drag of his cigarette. You hear his inhale, and look at him.
Heâs much more attractive than he should be, even doing something so mundane as smoking.Â
You watch his lips as he smokes, watching as they wrap around the form of the cigarette and you wish you knew how it would feel to kiss those lips.
âThere somethinâ on my face?âÂ
You swallow and shake your head.Â
âNo, nothing.âÂ
âSo what the hell you starinâ for?âÂ
âNothing Arthur, Iâm just...Sorry, I was thinking.âÂ
âYou know...â He takes a moment and heaves a sigh. âI ainât gonna judge you.â
He stutters for a second.
âI mean...I ainât...for...you know, for whateverâs bugginâ you.âÂ
âThereâs...I canât....â You feel a lump begin to form in your throat.
The idea of telling him what you feel, telling him how much you care for him when you look the way you do...it makes you terrified. He was a nice enough man, despite what he did for a living, but you knew that if he rejected you, which he more than likely would, you wouldnât be able to face him ever again.
You didnât want to risk losing him, not when you considered him to be such a good friend.Â
âCourse you can Sugar.â He twists, facing you a little more head on. âIâm here for you, you know that.âÂ
âI wish you wouldnât call me that.â You nearly whisper it, and you almost hope that he doesnât hear you.
âOh..â He clears his throat and you feel your face redden. âI...I didnât...uh...Iâm sorry it just kinda slips out I didnât mean to make ya...uncomfortable or nothinâ...I want ya...I mean I want ya to feel safe-âÂ
âArthur I wish you wouldnât say it because all it does is confuse me.âÂ
âConfuse ya?âÂ
âYes, confuse me.â You mumble. âOne moment...you...you call me darling, and the next you run away from me.âÂ
You do your best to avoid his face, looking down at your hands as you pick at the grass below.
âItâs like one moment you...you want to kiss me and the next youâre repulsed and I donât know what Iâm supposed to feel, I donât know if youâre doing this to toy with me, to make fun of the fat girl, or what, but...I..Arthur youâre just confusing me.â
Heâs silent, even his breathing is almost nonexistent, and then you hear him move, standing up with another groan.
After he manages to get himself steady he reaches his hand out to you which you take hesitantly, and he hauls you to your feet with one big heave.
âI ainât pickinâ on you. Well, I am, but...Not like that. Never like that Darlinâ.â He swallows. âI ainât got no room to talk about your weight, I mean, take a good long look at me, you can tell I ainât skippinâ any meals.âÂ
He rubs a hand over his stomach.Â
âI...I ainât...I havenât done anythinâ, or said anythinâ I should have cause Iâve been to worried to, âfraid youâre gonna laugh in my face if I do. Some fatass, grumpy old outlaw cominâ up to ya pourinâ his heart out. Figured I couldnât stand another heartbreak from someone as important as you.âÂ
You go to speak only for him to cut you off.
âI donât want to hear that come from your mouth again. Okay? Can you promise me you wonât call yourself fat again? Please, for me?âÂ
You canât refuse that southern drawl of his, that deep voice, with that pleading tone, you would never make it.
âWhat do you mean you havenât said anything?â You choose to ignore the question, rather you answered it with one of your own.
âCâmon...You...You know what I mean Y/N.âÂ
âI donât Arthur.âÂ
He scratches his stubble and looks down, and you can see his face begin to change to a shade of crimson.Â
âI...Darlinâ Iâm sweet on ya. Real sweet on ya...I know that...I know it ainât somethinâ you wanna hear from me, I know that.â
He huffs as though itâs physically difficult to force the words from his throat.
âI know that I ainât attractive, that I ainât...I ainât fit, I ainât....I could lose...hell letâs be honest I could lose two of me, anâ I rob and steal, and lie, I know what I am, and I know you donât deserve that. You deserve far better than me, what I can give ya. So...I...I get...I understand if me sayinâ....tellinâ you how I feel....I-â
You cut him off and rush into his arms, catching him by surprise as your arms wrap around his middle.
Heâs hesitant but his arms return the favor, gliding gently over your stomach and around your waist.
âArthur,â Your voice is muffled by his strong shoulder. âYouâre strong, youâre kind, and you are so much better than you give yourself credit for. You look good, to me you look good. I donât care that youâre big, in fact to me thatâs...I mean...itâs..â You struggle to find the word.
Then quietly you move your head near his ear.Â
âItâs...to me incredibly attractive, the...the sheer size of you Arthur. Itâs...itâs impressive.âÂ
âI...Well...I...Why canât...â He stutters himself, confused at your words, not used to such kind things being said to him, let alone hearing that kind of tone in your voice, seductive almost.Â
âWhy canât you see yourself that way?â He finally spits out. âI mean...why canât you see yourself as attractive? To me...To me youâre the most attractive woman Iâve ever met.âÂ
You blush and lean back slightly.Â
âArthur your weight...it fits you better, it looks better, but on me? It...it looks wrong, my stomach pushes out further than anything and I just-âÂ
âIt looks beautiful, jusâ like you.â He cuts in, and brings a hand to your chin. âYou ainât fragile. You ainât breakable. Youâre not some porcelain doll Iâd break by touchinâ you...âÂ
His breath comes out in a slight pant.
You can tell heâs thinking about what heâd said, touching you... and that makes your own breathing hitch.Â
âYou really think that?â You keep your voice low, almost afraid of running him off. âYou really think my stomach...itâs not...it doesnât make me ugly?â
âOf course it donât.â He hesitates for a moment, but then places his chin on your head. âDarlinâ to me...like I said to me youâre....Youâre the most beautiful, most attractive woman...Iâve ever met.âÂ
âArthur...â
âY/N, I...Shit, I donât think itâs just beinâ sweet on you anymore, I....I think I...shit I think I love ya.âÂ
You feel your heart speed, and you pull yourself away, gently running your hands over Arthurâs stomach.Â
âI...I love you too Arthur, I do. Every part of you, your personality, your body, that stomach, your arms, shoulders...Your...your thighs.....â You cough out the last word trying to keep your face from heating.
âIf I werenât so damn nervous...Iâd take you to a hotel.â He lowered his voice and pulled you closer again, and his hands ran up to the sides of your face, pulling your head closer as he planted his lips on yours.
It was as if the whole world disappeared.Â
All that mattered was Arthur, the taste of his tongue, the whiskey on his breath, the feel of his large hands caressing your body, running along the sides of you, over your soft stomach.
He was gentle, large and rough on the outside but kind on the inside, and he let that show, through the soft words he spoke in your ear as he broke from your lips.Â
âI love you so much Y/N, Iâd die for you, and Iâd kill for you, but, most of all, Iâd give ya the stars.âÂ
âArthur Morgan, Iâd give you the world.âÂ
Okay so, again, this was a on top of the head kind of thing, but I think it came out well, Iâd like to play arthurâs chunkyness in a little more next time, but considering next time will be ya know....
smuttyÂ
itâll be a little more descriptive of those scrumptious thighs of his.Â
Feedback is appreciated! Iâd love to hear your thoughts and your guysâs tags are the funniest things Iâve ever seen!Â
I hope you liked it!Â
#arthur morgan x reader#rdr2 community#rdr2#Rdr2 drabble#Arthur Morgan drabble#red ded redemption 2#Red Dead Redemption 2#chubby arthur morgan#Chubby reader
143 notes
¡
View notes
Text
(The Northern Lights)
Depression was a common thing in the Eurodyne household. It normally hit at different times luckily enough, their bad weeks never usually lined up. But the one time it did, Kerry booked them a trip. He needed to get them both out of the city, away from stress and reminders.
Kerry wanted to spice things up, go somewhere Vax had never been. He tried to keep it to his place in Florida or Italy simply for his husbandâs comfort, but he felt they needed something new, and see something Vax would be all over.
So next thing he knew, they were on their plane to Iceland. Vax was mostly quiet, lost in thought as he usually was as Kerry answered emails and did the less fun part of his job.
âWhatâs goinâ on in that pretty head?â Kerry spoke up after about an hour of silence, making Vax look up. His exhaustion was hitting him hard, and Kerry wished he didnât over work himself like this.
âStatic. I think if I had a single thought right now Iâd explode.â Vax got up from his seat and moved to cuddle up with Kerry, the older man moving his laptop away in favor of his favorite person.
âUnderstandable⌠try not to think too hard. You take your meds today?â
âYes Vik.â Vax mumbled sarcastically.
âHey now, donât get sassy because Iâm making sure youâre doing what youâre supposed to.â Kerry held him to his chest, looking out the window. He hoped he had planned this right.
When they landed, Kerry got them checked into their lodge as soon as possible, they had a tour to get too and he could see that Vaxâs interest had been caught.
He had Vax out of the lodge in ten minutes flat, basically dragging him. Vax had no idea what was going on, but he was into it. And Kerry had to keep that interest for the next few hours.
Okay, the beginning of the tour was kind of a drag, Kerry wouldnât lie⌠but goddamn was it worth it when he saw what he had dragged his husband all the way up for.
âAurora.â Vax breathed, staring at the night sky with childlike wonder. Kerry was glad the Space station hadnât completely ruined the stars for Vax.
Kerry leaned into his side, for warmth and support. This was totally worth it.
âCan I-â
âYes you can tell me facts, thatâs why weâre here.â Vax was his own personal stars podcast sometimes.
âSo basically, the Northern lights, or Aurora borealis, is actually sun storms. But our atmosphere protects us from them, theyâre as pretty as they are violent.â
âSounds like someone I know.â
âYeah Venus is fucking violent sometimes-â
âYou asshole. You knew who I was talking about.â
âA n y w a y, speaking of Venus, did you know that the lights were named after the Roman goddess of dawn, Aurora? And the Greek god of winds, Boreas?â
âI did not.â
âYeah, itâs really fuckin cool when you think about it-â
Vax proceeded to take about the lights for the next 15 minutes, until they had faded and his face fell a bit.
âWhat?â Kerry frowned.
âItâs just said something so beautiful only lasts for a short amount of time. Weâre lucky we even got to see them.â
ââŚkinda like life.â
Vaxâs arm tightened around him, and Kerry looked up to find grey eyes staring down at him.
âYou didnât drag me up here to serve divorce papers did you? Because we are stuck in this shit together, no one else could possibly-â
Kerry cut him off with a kiss, holding his face with a small smile when they pulled back.
âIâm genuinely amazed you havenât exploded yet⌠Iâm not going anywhere.â Kerry whispered, bumping their foreheads together.
âGoodâŚâ Vax whispered back, looking back up at the stars.
#fun fact: this was inspired by a distractable episode#cyberpunk 2077#kerry eurodyne#cyberpunk kerry#kerry#cyberpunk v#male v#male v cyberpunk#vax eurodyne#kerry x v#kerry eurodyne x v#kerry x male v#v x kerry#cyberpunk v x Kerry Eurodyne#EuroV#cyberpunk fiction#cyberpunk fanfic#otp: supernova
23 notes
¡
View notes
Note
for the spotify fic ask - nicojack + 99 (13+86 eheh)
[#99] Florida!!! (feat. Florence + the machine) by Taylor Swift
And this city reeks of driving myself crazy
I need to forget, so take me to Florida
Iâve got some regrets, Iâll bury them in Florida
Set: February, 2024 post- All-Star Day 1
Jack blows out a breath and sinks further into his seat, first class but so terribly commercial. He isnât famous enough to think that anyoneâs really going to stop to notice him on a flight to Florida instead of Jerseyâwhere heâs supposed to be goingâbut then again, all it takes is one person tweeting it out and the entire world will know.
Not actually the entire world, Nico would remind him if he were here and not already out on some rental boat working on his tan and pretending he gives a shit about fishing. But a sizable handful of people would suddenly become aware that heâd lied about returning to Jersey to rehab just so he could get out of having a camera pointed straight at him for two hours.
Heâs been in the league four and a half years now, and it still makes his skin itch sometimes, remembering that there might be a camera on him. That there probably is a camera on him, even if itâs not the one being shown on the Jumbotron or the broadcast. It never seems to bother the other guys as much as it bothers Jack.
It certainly doesnât bother Nico, and no matter how sympathetic he might be about the whole thing, heâll never get it. Never feel it the way Jack does. Jack wishes he could be a little bit more like Nico in that sense. He wishes he could be a little bit more like Nico on flights, too. He never ceases to envy the way Nico can knock out in five seconds flat the second heâs settled on the team plane.
Maybe Jack would be able to do that too, if he could just get settled. But he canât, not even when Nicoâs got his arm wrapped snuggly around Jackâs waist, his mouth slightly agape as he drools onto Jackâs shoulder.
He has managed to fall asleep a handful of times, after particularly grueling games when they have to fly out to the next city immediately, but only ever if heâs got Nico to curl up against, and even then itâs once in a blue moon.
So, Jack spends the entire flight with his hood tugged up high over his curls, trying his hardest not to fidget and piss off the middle aged man in the seat beside him.
Itâs like a breath of fresh air once heâs off the airplane. Which, like, obviously itâs the first actually fresh air heâs sucked into his lungs in hours, not stale like the air had grown to be throughout the flight. But also, Jack fucking loves Florida. He thinks it might be in part because this is where he was born, something deep in the marrow of his bones singing every time he comes back here even though this state has never quite felt like home. He loves the daytime sunshine and persistent warmth and evening rain, the smell of saltwater thick in the air this near to the coast.
And itâs like, no oneâs ever really given a fuck about hockey in Florida, not outside of Sunrise and Tampa, at least. He can walk down the streets completely anonymous in a way he can never quite manage in Hoboken.
Nicoâs there, standing beside his rental car in the pickup line, wearing abhorrent board shorts and a threadbare t-shirt stretched taut over his biceps, a backwards cap and slides. His dimples crease his cheeks as he catches sight of Jack and raises an arm, giving a wave thatâs equal parts goofy and endearing. God, Jack is so obsessed with him.
The air is different here, Jack knows it is. Just as well as he knows that he needs to be crushed in one of Nicoâs bear hugs right now or he might actually die.
He takes a step and then another and thereâs less time between his AirForces hitting the pavement with every stride and before he knows it heâs flying down the line, hitting Nicoâs chest with a torn out little oof. Nicoâs hands come up to splay across his shoulder blades and Jack buries his face against the crook of his neck, unable to tamp down on the little whine before it slips out. He muffles the sound against Nicoâs skin, a little damp with the sweat of Floridaâs perpetual heat, so fucking warm that Jack wants to drown himself in it.
Some airport attendant tasked with ensuring nobodyâs loitering around the pickup line is sure to come berate them at any second, but Jack canât be bothered to care, clinging to Nico just as hard as Nicoâs clinging to him.
âSchatz,â Nico says, quiet. Concerned. His voice reverberated over all of the places where theyâre touching, from Nicoâs chest straight to Jackâs. Heâs asking a question. Without actually asking it. He knows Jack has a harder time lying to him when he asks outright.
âIâm fine,â he says hastily. And he isnât, still paranoid and twitchy from the flight, from Toronto, from his fucked up shoulder, from Jerseyâ which he loves but will never cease to make him feel just a little bit crazy. But heâs in Florida now, with the sea breeze kicking through his curls and Nicoâs arms wrapped around him and he thinks that once he has a couple of days of sunshine and boating under his belt he could get there.
Nico hums. âThereâs still some daylight left,â he says, his breath ghosting over the shell of Jackâs ear. Florida is the only place where Jack doesnât feel cold when Nico pulls away. âWe could catch the sunset on the water if we hurry.â
âYeah,â Jack breathes. That soundsâ it sounds pretty damn good, actually.
4 notes
¡
View notes
Note
OH and also I've seen people defend with their whole chests the choking scene, like really is this the hill you wanna die on?đ and its like it would be soo nice if we could accept that andrew minyard has his wrongs and his rights, like some of the aftg characters are so interesting there's so much to them and the topics the books deal with are all topics ppl would feel strongly about, it would make sense that some people get rubbed the wrong way or dislike even andrew and neil (im mentioning them bc the double standards are crazyyđ) like they've got their good qualities and bad qualities like anyother character, I've seen good meta from people who don't like one of them or talking about their "bad points"
I guess I've just come to complain in your inbox, but the fandom is kind of interesting to me I think it would be a lot more split if less people had the tendency to defang andreil like they do, it's like how a lot of readers hate the idea of andreil never getting married or never saying I love you, or how they depict andrew as smooth or unable to make mistakes somstimesđlike yes not getting married/saying ily could be a bit weird to some people (not to me though I understandđŤĄ) or your favourite character may be unlikeable or make mistakes or do a bad thing but it makes them less flat and it could make sense for the character soo
I really did come to complain in your inbox, I wish I could just stay delusional in an echo chamber with all my favourite blogs but alasđI have to see opinions that I think are wrong, it's funny how we can read the same books and take completely different things from it so I just wanted to talk to someone
um first of all don't apologize I like mail of all kind so you're good you're so good
also yeah. pretty much. the double standards for Neil and Andrew vs. literally everyone else is brain rotting sometimes. honestly sometimes I have to actively remind myself that I like those two and that they're actually great characters just because the takes their fans have almost push me almost to the other side. and it usually seems to be that people will acknowledge like little, surface level flaws in them just to be like "y'all need to realize these characters are NUANCED and have FLAWS" so that they can then proceed to ignore the bigger issues.
I think part of it is that, esp with Andrew, he can also get a good bit of hate so people try so hard to stay away from that that they end up on the other side of him.
but tbh I just try to not pay much attention to what most other people say tbh it just feels more relaxing that way. whenever I venture too far into the sea of aftg fan content I usually reach a point where I just feel weird.
14 notes
¡
View notes