#and since i would like to not be accused of seriously abusing them again

[masked-disciple]

Man, knowing that I'm less than two weeks from my last final is really shaking me because I have so many things I said I'd do after I graduate and they're very close now!!!

One of them is going to be leaving all the discord servers I don't talk in and also pruning following / friends lists like hell and back. This will allow me to finally come off invisible on discord, and it'll be nice to have discord statuses available to me again ;~;

[sickness-stricken]

Analyzing Lily Orchard losing her fucking mind in real time

@lily-is-a-gooner has the post debunking the fact that this event was not staged, but I wanted to go over some of the noteworthy things I think are worth dissecting. Strap in, this one’s probably gonna be long.

Video link for anyone playing along at home:

[3:15] “You’ve got these things causing fucking car crashes, cuz they go off in people’s cars, startle them and cause them to veer into oncoming traffic!”

I’ll need to see a source on that before I believe it. Looking up “car crashes caused by amber alert” only brings up instances of kidnapped children that the amber alerts were for being involved in a car crash. Wouldn’t there be some study showing that reports for car crashes have an uptick within the hour of an EAS alarm being sent out?

[3:26] “AND THEY SEND THEM ALL THE GODDAMN TIME! […] You’re gonna get one of these things once a fucking week!”

No you won’t. Like. That is factually false. Excluding the test that just got sent out this month I get MAYBE one every three months. They are NOT common.

I thought maybe I was the outlier in that I live in Middle-of-nowhere, Alberta so I asked my Ontarian friend if they were more common there (you know, given the larger population) and what do ya know

[3:42] “We had one of these come out when Covid was happening! Like, Stephen, we all knew Covid was deadly, we didn’t need you to blow up everyone’s phones over it!”

I was ready to clown on this given I thought she was referring to Stephen Harper who hasn’t been PM since 2015 but I THINK she’s referring to Stephen McNeil who was the Premier of Nova Scotia in 2020. I don’t personally remember that alert going out (but I also have the memory of an anemic goldfish so that isn’t a high bar to clear) so maybe it was only a NS thing but I would assume for a national state of emergency that would be sent out by the NPAC? So, all parts of Canada? What would that have to do with Premier McNeil?

Don’t take this part super seriously I’m mostly just spitballing, this very well could just be an honest slip up on Lily’s part

[5:52] “I get amber alerts for shit that happens in Yarmouth! That’s a 3 hour drive away from me, the fuck you want me to do?!”

Hey, you know how earlier you said the amber alerts are usually about kids that wander off or are taken by a parent in a CUSTODY DISPUTE? Ya think that parent taking the kid is gonna STICK AROUND? They very well could be in Halifax by the time the alert actually goes out depending on how far the parent is willing to go. I myself jumped provinces to escape an abusive situation, that’s not exactly a long drive in comparison.

[6:36] (I’m gonna paraphrase this but essentially she’s talking about how 911 got swarmed with calls just bitching about the alarm going off in the first place and when they said not to abuse the line Lily calls this hypocrisy)

Lily the alerts are reporting imminent emergencies. If a kid (or really anyone) goes missing and they aren’t found in 48 hours it’s safe to assume they’re GONE. Calling 911 to complain about the alarm waking you up (despite them not being responsible for it) clogs up the lines when an ACTUAL report could be trying to get through. This is not comparable to a province using an emergency line for something that needs immediate attention just because it doesn’t affect you directly.

Feel like it’s also worth noting I’ve never seen anyone who wasn’t a conservative complain about the alerts at night. If it’s really that much of an issue you can turn your phone off at night (which you really should do anyway, it’s better for the battery) and get an alarm clock. If you know this to be an issue for you and the solution is completely within your control it is your responsibility to avoid this specific issue.

[7:46] (paraphrasing again: Lily is accusing people who are okay with the alerts going off at night of being hypocrites because they’ll just click their phones off and go back to sleep)

Again, this reeks of self-centrism and I’m once again unsure if Lily is aware that people who aren’t her exist. Yes, the person who acknowledges night alerts as a good thing may dismiss the notification. However, they acknowledge that people working night shift, such as hospital workers or those working at 24hr drive thrus/gas stations ARE awake and able to keep an eye out for certain descriptors, licence plates etc. This is not a hypocritical stance.

[9:10] “I can’t do anything while [the alarm] is playing. I just have to clap my hands over my ears and wait for it to end.”

…no??? You can literally swipe it away like any other notification and the noise stops. What are you talking about.

[9:30] (Not typing allat: Lily uses Japan as an example of how they use different alarms for different emergencies)

Oh hey look! Lily saying Japan did something good for once!

Gotta love how she picked the one country that doesn’t have an alarm that’s ominous as hell because literally almost every other country has an alarm that is just as if not more shit-in-pants worthy than Canada’s if it was played abruptly and at max volume

Maybe this is just personal opinion but I think it’s a good thing that all emergencies are regarded at the same level here. If we had a different, lessened alarm for when a child goes missing then people could immediately go “cool don’t care” instead of reading it at least once quickly to see what it says.

Alright that’s it for me I didn’t have a closing statement I’m gonna go take a nap… with my phone off

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

Proto-Stella Was Chill And I Miss That

One thing I really liked about proto-Stella on the instagram accounts before the official series is that she didn't feel like a bland caricature even though she really didn't do anything except just seem disconnected with her husband's affair. In the first picture, I have seen stans say this is an indication that Stella was always meant to be abusive which is pushing it when it looks more like she's trying to keep up an image. And I think with proto-Stella she is someone who is more into keeping up an image even if there is no love between her and her husband. And I actually like that interpretation instead of the one dimensional make my husband miserable at all cost cliche we got.

I think they did this because they believed it would make Stolas too unsympathetic if they went the route of him having a chill wife and yet he still cheats on her. On the other hand, I actually think it would have serviced him if she was chill but still tried to keep an image up to high society because she still had to play a role because in the scene where she had her bathrobe up she didn't do anything violent except maybe just ponder why the heck her husband is wearing her wardrobe.

I could still see an arranged marriage being a thing here but instead of just making his life miserable she is just apathetic and shows it through just keeping up face and just not that interested in her husband's affairs. In fact, I think it would so be better for Octavia than a raving mother making an unsettling atmosphere. Proto-Stella probably would be classist but she wouldn't see the imp as a threat since again if this was actually an example of how hell treats marriage she would just see Stolas' thing for an imp as just him having a concubine which again is a thing that was common in earth royalty for centuries. I still think if the Goetia royalty was anything like real royalty marriage is more business like while affairs with lower concubines are more for pleasure and she could just treat Blitzo as just a lower raced boy toy her husband keeps to relieve himself.

Overall, the homelife is not forced volatile but just feels like it's apathetic and a wife who is just in her own world which I think would have felt more compelling but still have Stolas be questioned if that was the way to handle things. Maybe even have Stella just say she doesn't care about his affair but please at least keep it discreet so that he won't get in trouble or even say he can keep his secret by doing favors for her thus keep focusing on the og premise where the gang could go to different missions at her wishes. And seriously, make use of her friends by having her be in on her husband's business and say they want some requests as well for them to fulfill due to having certain humans they want targeted or have as personal slaves/servants.

However, when the series happened well let's just say we saw the demonization occur and the new design which set her as the one dimensional domestic abuser we see her in canon. And again gone is that chill and there is nothing but an annoying shrieking harpy made to make Stolas look like a uwu baby and not the fact he did something that caused the family structure he supposedly built for Octavia to be destroyed. All that potential that I mentioned thrown out the window so that we can have this false impression that Stolas is a saintly good dad and not a scummy pos. And again this is where the moon deal began and how his character deteriorated.

If I would give anything is to have that pro-Stella be there. Like I almost think you could change the whole story and it would be better than the canon project. You would have to change things like the assignation because she no longer wants Stolas dead but you could make her a red herring and would insulted that anyone would accuse her of killing the father of her child even if he cheats on her regularly. It would be fun if the twist that one of her circle friends was the one who wanted the hit because maybe they are in love with Stella and want to get with her since they think Stolas is too good for her. Also with the Andrealphus connection he could still be her brother but he could learn about Stolas' affair and the IMP business and Stella says he can arrange a request due to blackmailing her husband again tying back to the premise. And eventually due to how many people begin knowing about Stolas renting out his book it would get more harder to hide it until things unravel.

When you look at a proto example of a character and see how they ended up it can be very disheartening to see how so much potential was given up. Stella is not exception and I want that type of character we saw before her redesign because it looked like it would have been fun to just see someone who was this chill character who just vibed and tried to keep up a somewhat normal appearance as the wife of a high ranking goetia member. But we needed to have an excuse for why he was compelled to cheat, instead of actually have Stolas as a moral character. Even if Stella is apathetic, what would his daughter think. With an apathetic mother she probably wouldn't feel as unwelcomed in home because of her mother was more chill, but at the same time she feels not okay with her dad having basically a side piece. And again most of all it would make sense why Stolas could trust his daughter to be with her mother because she is a chill person and not someone you have to walk on eggshells. In other words, proto-Stella would fit better storylines for this family to navigate with having Blitzo introduced in their lives.

[sw-33-ts-stuff]

Could do tara carpenter x fem reader

R is Wrongly accuse of being ghostface and conviently disappeared even though she innocent *amber frames r by planting all the stuff the killer use in her bag and now everyone but mindy and Sam hate r as everybody suspect her of doing this except for mindy and Sam even to the point of hating her*

Tara is upset and hurt even believing that r is the killer because ghostface called and said stuff that only r knew about

*both Mindy and Sam have known r for a long time considering how sam used to babysit all of them and how attach r is to Tara when they were little. And they know r is not the killer as they know how much she loves and care for both Tara and Sam. And Sam was happy for r as she really approve of her dating her sister since she always was willing to do anything to make Tara happy*

Maybe have Tara and other come to r rescue *she was trapped in amber’s house the whole time which explain why she didn’t return their calls or text*

I really hope I did this request justice .........

Tara Carpenter X Fem!Reader

Samantha Carpenter couldn't leave her little sister unprotected especially now as she had been attacked. She thought back to when they were younger and how she watched all of them.

Images of a young Mindy, Chad and Y/N playing with Tara in her backyard going through her mind. She'd laugh as she'd watch Mindy and Chad try to tag team to beat Tara in a game and Y/N always came to the rescue even when she knew she'd get the brunt of their force. 

Her shiny (e/c) eyes always looking to her younger sister in complete adoration. 

She remembered the day the girl ran in the rain searching every sidewalk for Tara's favorite necklace. The younger Carpenter heart broken until the two came back necklace in hand. Y/N even going as far as cleaning it and putting it in a jewelry box to keep it from getting lost again. 

"Babe we're here." Richie broke Sam from her trance as she parked in front of the familiar house. She knocked quietly pushing the door open and finding her favorite kids sitting in the Meeks-Martin living room. She started introducing everyone as she hugged them going last with Y/N as the two stayed embraced just a little longer. 

To Sam, Y/N was family. She remembered when she had first found out about her situation at home and the blatant neglect her parents gave her. She'd allow the girl to stay over for nights on end worried that her abusive father would bring harm to her. Sam barely spared a glance to Amber who just gave a fake smile in return. It took a moment before she realized the black haired girl was wearing Tara's necklace. 

The group were discussing their list of suspects The former sheriff Dewey providing his insight as well.

"And where were you Y/n?" She saw the girl flinch from the corner of her eye as she and Amber began to stare each other down. 

"Like I told the police I went out to get food." 

"Suspicious." Muttered Wes. She turned her narrowed eyes to the blonde. 

"Tell me Wes what motive would I have for hurting Tara?!" The boy gave a sarcastic grin. 

"You mean besides the fact that she left you for Amber?" Y/N's jaw clenched as Sam's eyes shot up in surprise. 

Amber chuckled shrugging. 

"What can I say? The heart wants what it wants, and he does have a point. Didn't the police mention how the killer somehow knew about Tara's alarm system?" 

You just grit your teeth not bothering to respond as Mindy went to defend you. 

"If that's the case Wes then don't both you and Amber have just the same chance at being the killer?" The blonde and raven haired girl turned to the female twin. 

"Excuse me?!"

"Seriously?"

Mindy scoffed. "Oh please Wes we all know about your crush on Tara even before she began dating anyone, and Amber may want to make sure no one can take her the same way she got her." She paused for dramatic effect. "If I can't have her no one can." 

Chad and Liv still eyed Y/N who had yet to say anything to defend herself. 

Amber just smirked as Wes panicked to defend himself. 

"I have an alibi!"

"Aren't there usually two killers in the Stab films?" Liv spoke from beside her boyfriend. 

"Not in the 8th film Liv stay in your lane." The pink haired girl scowled. 

"I'm sorry and you are?" Richie asked.

"Liv, Chads girlfriend-"

"Of six months!" The overly cheerful boy finished making her kiss his cheek. 

"And no one thinks that's suspicious?" Dewey spoke from his seat. He turned to Richie. "And how long have you and Sam been dating?" 

Richie mumbled. "Six months." 

Sam turned to Y/n.

"You guys finally got together?" It was the first question she'd ask since she got there. The younger girl nodded a small smile on her lips before it fell. She did not explain any further as she looked out the window.

Sam thought back to the day Y/n came to her for advice on her feelings for her younger sister. The poor girl felt as if something was wrong with her because she felt warm whenever her sister was around. How she found everything about her fascinating. She was sweating, fingers picking at the skin as she was scared Sam wouldn't love her the same.

Sam tried her best to make sure the girl knew her feelings were perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. She knew they'd probably take a while to officially get together but she'd hope once they did they'd stick together no matter what. She also hoped she'd know that they would always be there for her no matter the circumstance.

Ambers phone rang. "That's Tara, if you guys don't mind I think I'm going to go make sure my girlfriend is protected." 

Everyone had left the Meeks-Martin household and Sam had sent Richie back to the hotel. Before she pulled off she rolled her window down seeing Y/N about to walk home. 

"Hey, are you hungry?"  The younger girl gave a small smile and nod. The were sat in the booth waiting for their orders when Sam finally broke the silence. 

"What happened?" The younger girl shrugged picking at a napkin. 

"I really don't know. One day we were fine the next I'm hearing about how cool Amber is and I let my jealousy get the best of me. I made a dumb comment that if Amber was so awesome then she could date her. When I went to apologize I headed over to your house and found them kissing on the front porch." 

Sam's eyes softened. 

"And you guys still hang out as a group?" 

"Of course, she may not be my girlfriend but I did make a promise to always be there for her." Y/n chuckled. "Plus Mindy wouldn't let me sit in my room and cry for more than a couple days." 

Sam laughed as their food was placed before them.  "And when did you became a couple?"

Y/n sighed. "It was a couple of years ago, she was getting a lot better so I took her out for a picnic on the beach. She was mad I had to cancel our plans the day before." 

You smile softly at the memory. Picking at the food on your plate as she did the same.

"I don't even remember what she said I just remember kissing her and telling her that I was in love with her and have been for as long as I can remember. I told her I'd never leave her side and asked her to be my girlfriend. I told her no matter what happens between us good or bad at the end of the day we'll fix it. I thought we were doing great but as you can see six months later I guess we couldn't."

When they had finished, Sam offered to drop off Y/n but the younger girl insisted she go check on Tara, since she couldn't at the moment. 

.

.

.

On her way to the hospital, Sam found cop cars outside of Sheriff Hicks house. 

"What's going on?" 

"Can't tell you."

"I used to babysit the boy who lives there."

"The sheriff and her son have been murdered."

"What?!" She turned and saw a familiar face. She ran up to the tall man. 

"What are you doing here?!" He could barely get words out before she spoke again. 

"Who's at the hospital protecting my sister?!" 

Her phone rang. 

"Sam-"

"Richie I need you to go to the hospital to check on Tara." 

She jumped in the surprised when Dewey got in the passenger seat. 

"DRIVE!"

She grabbed her phone to dial Y/N only to receive a voicemail. Her brows furrowed. 

Over the years she'd kept in touch with her to keep tabs on Tara no matter what the time was she always answered the phone. 

She tried again.

And again.

And again. 

Tara sent Amber home. She went to call the nurse and received no response. Sensing something off she begins to get out of the hospital bed and into the wheelchair nearby. 

She begins to wheel herself out the room as she spots a pool of blood. Following its trail she finds the security guard behind the desk bleeding out. His mouth gaping trying to form words. Tara feels tears begin to fill her eyes as she places a hand only her mouth biting back a scream. She goes closer towards his holster. 

Fuck! No gun. 

She hears a crash nearby and hides in the nearest room. She hears footsteps draw closer looking around she grabs a bed pan. The door to the room over opens. She steels herself as the door opens. She swings as hard as she can and nails someone. 

"Ow goddamn it!" 

"Richie?!"

"Sam called said you were in trouble-"

"Look out!" 

He turns in time only getting his arm sliced. Richie falls to the floor screaming as Tara flings a box of nearby syringes at Ghostface. Ghostface falls back into the nearby bed as Tara tries to wheel out of the room. Richie moves to get up but Ghostface kicks him in the face knocking him out cold. 

Richies phone begins to ring. 

"Hello Samantha. Richie can't come to the phone right now due to his impending death."

Tara keeps trying to wheel herself down the hall her bloody hand pushing as best it can.

"Please don't kill him!"

"This is what happens to people who stick their noses in business that has nothing to do with them. Or...should I carve up little sis again instead? Tell you what, you can chose. I'll only kill one. Who do you want to hear die?"

"Why are you doing this?" 

"Oh come one Sam didn't daddy always say it was a lot scarier when there was no motive?" 

Ghostface yanks Tara from the wheelchair making her crawl to the elevator.

"Now chose. Or I kill them both." She sobs.

"Really? You can't save your own sister? All you have to say is "Kill Richie."

"Please-" she's cut off by the sound of groaning. Richie awake tries to crawl but Ghostface flips him on his back. 

"Or you can save the man you love. All you have to do is say "Kill Tara" and I'll put her out of her misery." 

"Please I'm begging you.."

"Chose now. Last chance to save one."

"I can't..."

"You want to know why I'm doing this,Sam? Maybe it's because you're a selfish bitch who can't even make a decision to save the life of someone you love! Maybe it's because you're too weak for this franchise!" 

"Maybe...maybe you're right....or maybe I'm stalking for time, fuckhead." 

The masked villain is shot three times as Sam gets to Tara.

"I'll get Richie!" 

Dewey runs to help him back turned to Ghostface who raises their knife.

"Not today." He head butts Ghostface who falls back and shoots him in the chest a few more times.

"Let's go!" Dewey grabs Richie pulling him to his feet as they all get to the elevator.

"The head..."

"What?"

"We have to shoot him in the head....if we don't, they always come back." He begins to get out as Sam yells after him.

"Who gives a fuck?!"

.

.

.

Amber, Chad and Liv were all taking shots "in honor" of Wes as Mindy watched on slowly sipping a beer. 

She looked to her phone still wondering why she hadn't heard back from Y/N.

The trio made their way over to her. Chad speaking up first. 

"If you're still waiting for Y/n to respond you won't hear from her she's probably to busy stabbing someone else right now." Mindy glared at him.

"You really are stupid if you think she's the murderer."

Amber piped in. "Come on Mindy, it's obviously her. No girlfriend, no family, nothing to lose." She listed.

"Yeah her girlfriend was her family and everything to lose."

Great value blossom decided to jump in as well. 

"Wouldn't that be more reason for her to kill everyone then?" 

Mindy just glared. "Look if you wanna give up on our friend that's fine but I've known Y/n my whole life and I know better then anyone else that she would never have been capable of hurting Tara." 

Chad shook his head. "People change." 

The girl eyed her brother up and down. 

"They sure do." She turned to go watch Stab on the couch as Chad scoffed going to the love seat to make out with Liv. 

Amber went to the basement to grab more beer. Mindy getting up quickly to follow right behind her without her knowing. 

Amber jumped seeing the curly haired girl once she closed the refrigerator door.

"Jesus Mindy!"

"You really went to the basement alone? What if I'm the killer?"

"You're not the killer." Amber spoke confidently. "Because I am." 

Mindy eyed the girl before chuckling to ease the tension. She led the way up before she stumbled on a familiar bag, a knife and Ghostface mask. 

"Isnt that-"

"Y/N's bag." Amber stated. 

Sam, Tara, and Richie walked in disrupting the party and sending everyone home. As the two girls got upstairs Amber started shouting. 

"Y/N's Ghostface!" Tara felt herself flinch. She didn't want to believe what Amber was saying but the way the killer moved in her home as if they knew the place then the special knock they'd made so Tara would know who was at the door. Mindy spoke up. 

"That could be planted!"

Amber scoffed. "Jesus Mindy wake the fuck up your favorite couple wasn't perfect and shouldn't have existed."

"Where is she?" Sam spoke. 

Richie spoke from behind her. "Waiting to slash out our guts the minute we split up."

The girls looked to him incredulous as Tara got Amber to take her to her room to get her inhaler. 

Sam followed as Richie went to the basement stopping short for a moment. "Wanna come with me?" He looked to Mindy hopeful.

"Nope but nice try." 

She turned to watch the movie only to be stabbed a few moments later. Desperately pressing her hands to her neck to stop the bleeding. 

Sam ran when she found her, trying to help as Amber and Tara came down screaming. Richie appearing at the same time as Liv.

The pink haired girls hands covered in blood.

"Where's Chad?"

"He- he-"

"Oh my God!" Amber pointed. "It's you and Y/N, you're the killers."

"What? No-"

"You're the killer!" Richie yelled next.

"Fuck you Amber I'm not the killer." She smirked. 

"I know." A bullet went between Liv's eyes as everyone began to panic. "Welcome to Act 3." 

Tara tackled Amber as she went to shoot her sister. Amber tied her up smiling. 

"It's ok you'll love the next part and you'll get to chance to say goodbye to your ex." She opened the closet door to show you tied up as well. Blood dripping down your forehead eyes growing wider as you see Tara.

The younger Carpenter sister began crying. You tried to place some of your weight on her to offer some comfort. The both of you breathing heavy and unable to speak. 

Tara hoped you knew how sorry she was. She wished she never let Amber convince her that you weren't a good girlfriend or that you were Ghostface. In a way she was just as guilty for all of this. 

The door opened again to reveal Sam. She looked at the two of you untying you both as she placed a kiss to both of your foreheads. 

"Go hide." She whispered. Both you and Tara helped remove the rest of the duct tape from each other. Neither of you looking at each other as you did so.

You cleared your throat.

"You should hide in the bathroom Tara. I'll go down and use the element of surprise to get Amber and maybe with a distraction it'll give Sam enough time to get Richie." You turned to leave as Tara grabbed you by the shoulders to place a soft kiss on your lips sobbing as she did so. 

"I'm so sorry." 

"Why?" You looked into her brown eyes. "I thought we were good I know I said some stupid things but-"

"It wasn't you" she sniffled. "I was dumb and insecure. Amber kept saying how you were distant and should be doing more. Then it seemed like you would pay more attention to Mindy and I just listened. The more I hung out with her the less I'd trust you." Tears rolled down her flushed cheeks. "Everyone leaves me anyway so what was stopping you from doing it too?" 

You shook your head. "You didn't even give me a real break up, you just showed up with Amber the next day."

The girl nodded. "I know."

"Even though it killed me inside I stayed."

"I know." She hiccupped.

"I still love you and I'm going to protect you no matter what." She looked up at you doe like eyes shining. 

"I know, I love you too." 

You nodded getting one more kiss in before you gently stroked her cheek. She pulled you back from leaving.

"When we get out of this we'll fix it right? Like we always do?"

You felt your lips tug up in a small smile and nodded. "Yeah like we always do."

You crept down the stairs as quiet as you could when you spotted Mindy bleeding by the TV. You took off your shirt pressing it against her wound. Bleary eyes looked at you. 

"Y/n?" She was getting weaker. You nodded placing a finger over your lips. 

You ducked when you saw Amber go to the door screaming before firing a few rounds at whoever was out there. She came back in running straight to the basement to put the Ghostface costume back on. 

Sidney and Gale walked in guns pointed at you. You lifted your hands up in surrender. 

"Everybody Ghostface or not better come out or they're getting shot." 

It was all a blur but you woke up on the floor next to Sidney and a bleeding Sam and Gale. 

Amber taunting Tara. "Come out come out wherever you are." She grabbed you by the hair making you yell. 

"You don't want your first love to die do you?" 

"Tara! Don't come out." Amber stabbed you in the abdomen. 

"You sure you don't want her to save you?" You glared at Amber. 

"Fuck you." You gritted out.

She walked around the corner getting hit by crutches. You jumped on her punching her repeatedly. The last punch you pulled her by her shirt collar. 

"And that's for stealing my fucking girlfriend you fucking cunt." 

A gun cocked and Richie stood before you.

"You really wanted to play hero huh?" A body slammed into him knocking him over. Sam straddling him and stabbing him repeatedly.

You looked down to see Amber had made it to the kitchen choking Gale. Sidney helped Gale get up before they both set the teenager on fire. You felt yourself sigh as a bloodied Sam hugged you in relief. 

Sirens growing in volume as they grew closer.

The two women came to join when a yell was heard. 

A half burnt Amber running towards you with a knife raised. She was stopped short by a bullet through her temple. You all looked to see Tara teary eyed as she lowered her gun slowly.

She limped over to her body ripping the necklace from her.

"You were a shitty girlfriend."

[pkmn-monochrome]

This is an OOC ask too to hopefully help the concern? I PROMISE IM NOT A MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE ABUSER IM A WRITER PLEASE DEAR GOD!!!!!!!! Also! Somebody's gotta play mean here and there, its what keeps gears turning. Not everyone is going to directly side with Cody and understand them. Sometimes you need conflict, it can't be sunshine and roses and everyone Agrees with Cody every time. And hell, without conflict like that, how are we going to get the moments like Cody seeing the auroras? I really loved that moment, it was sweet, sometimes the bad moments can make the good moments all the more fonder. Also I wanted to state... not every interaction that's a fight like that between two people is inherently abusive, people are going to have arguments and harsh words will be thrown along with accusations, especially since both see the other as strangers, some people aren't going to trust Cody and are going to be harsh and rude about it the same way Cody has been. Some are going to mirror how Cody treats them. What I was going for was Directly Vindictive and Harsh, the fact that you are worried about that shows that I did my job right, and as they said, if Sparks couldn't handle I would hope they would just ignore the ask and hell maybe even say to tone it down. TDLR: Not everyone is going to be especially kind and endeared to Cody, some people are going to act out just the same as they do. AND I AM A WRITER NOT AN ABUSER. PLEASE. The point of this ask is uh: I like to think I know my limits, I stick to the rules and only do what is allowed. It doesn't feel too great being compared to an abuser when I am just trying to help move a story forward. I am not abusive for being mean to a fictional character, and I am in no way attempting to be mean to Sparks when I do so. Sorry about the Novel, I just wanted to help clear some things up, because this has happened before with one of my purposefully persecutory asks and hoo boy! it doesn't feel too great that it's happening again. I promise I am not trying to hurt Sparks. I just like conflict in stories and how the characters react to such conflicts. Okay, I'm done, Sorry again about the novel sparks just wanted to explain for the people that got worried about my asks.

[Agreed. Abusive asks are what keep this blog's ball rolling. Without them, we never would have met PIKACHU, BLASTOISE, or even found out about the hacker's death. While CODY's abuse was not necessary in-universe, it was necessary from a narrative standpoint.]

[I do not believe the words or fictional actions of an asker directly reflect them as a person. Even if an asker plays the fictional role of an abuser, like as ANONYMOUS did (e.g. threatening to kill CODY, then getting angry/offended at CODY for taking that death threat seriously), I do not believe that reflects upon their morals in real life scenarios. Threatening to kill a fictional character, in a fictional roleplay scenario, does not mean that asker would ever do or say something like that to a real person. And if this asker was actually holding CODY in their hands in real life, I do not believe they would be saying such intense or harsh things to them.]

[And the inverse is true as well. Just because I am the author of PKMN-MONOCHROME, that does not mean I morally approve of everything CODY says or does. Sometimes, CODY will say harsh and confrontational things out of paranoia or pride, but that does not mean that I as the author would personally lash out at and attack my audience in the same way. If any asker of mine feels personally attacked by the things that CODY says to you, please know and remember that CODY does not speak for me, and their thoughts are not always my own.]

[Please know that I as an author never intend to hurt my audience with CODY's words/actions, and that I trust my audience to do the same for me when sending CODY their questions. Thank you.]

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

Oh my god, that wine is 100% poisoned.

And they would poison her in front of all these people who are either in on it, or will go out of their way to cover it up 🤮

***

SMART GIRL, MINGLAN!

DRINK NOTHING SHE GIVES YOU!!

***

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

GU TINGYE ISN'T EVEN AT HOME!! HOW IS THIS HAPPENING FOR THE THIRD FUCKING TIME???

***

I am beyond pissed off here but honestly, I blame Minglan for this one. She set the precedent by taking in that last bottom feeder to appease these villains so why would they not try this bullshit again?

***

Smh.

Just as I thought.

Minglan really needs to stop with the people-pleasing shenanigans and start murdering the bitches shitting on her doorstep.

***

I started watching this episode last night and had to stop because my head was absolutely pounding, and then it continued to pound all day today. It is now 18:10 and the pain has been persisting for at least 24 hours at this point, but I am momentarily medicated and feel like I can hold my head up straight if I don't move around too much, so I want to see where this bullshit is going. The righteous fury on Minglan's behalf will either heal me or transform the headache into complete agony. There can be no middle ground.

***

"Best temperament" is code for "she lets us walk all over her and mistreat her in every way imaginable without fighting back and still begs for our approval" in this society from what I've seen.

Fuck that. Minglan, give them hell! Who needs a reputation for being a doormat? Your evil aunt is apparently out murdering people and no worse for wear, so you may as well tell them all to fuck off and live to see another day. Also, Gu Tingye will be proud!

***

OMG, Minglan, please start showing that shiny spine!

It is episode 59, it is time to put this shit-stirrer in her place.

***

LMAOOOO, GO OFF, MINGLAN!!

Nanny Chang wasn't enough for her, she had to come back for seconds, so let her have it!! 💪💪

***

I am fascinated that she keeps murdering people and just... getting away with it.

And apparently, everyone knows and nobody does anything about it.

***

LOL, Minglan has decided that today is the day to air ALL the dirty family laundry 🤣🤣

Take note, Madam Qin, if you don't get your act together, you're next!

***

LMAO, now they are accusing Minglan of lying.

Too bad for them that this time, they've bitten off more than they can chew. Minglan will end them all.

***

LMAO, where is this girl's father?

Concubine-born or not, how can she just kick her out of the house like that? Even if she were to marry Gu Tingye as a concubine, surely there must be some kind of process? At least have her pack her things and lend her a cart to carry them over? This just makes no sense, she went out for lunch at the neighbours' place with her stepdaughter in tow and just decided to dump her there. Who does that? Who allows it?

AND THE GROOM ISN'T EVEN AT HOME TO CONSENT TO ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT.

There is no chance any of this is above-board.

***

Bitch, shut up.

Minglan should let more of you die and maybe you'll learn.

***

MTE.

On the one hand, I feel sorry for the cousin, she is clearly being abused in her family home, but on the other looking to Minglan to fix it by SHARING HER HUSBAND WITH HER, OF ALL THINGS, AND ALLOWING HER TO SPY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE OUT TO LITERALLY KILL HER is just beyond.

***

Oh, shut up.

I see Nanny Chang is there. I trust Nanny Chang.

***

Seriously.

Whether or not Cousin dies is not Minglan's responsibility, especially since they are asking her to resolve it to great personal detriment. Again, I ask, where is this girl's father? Also, is there no law whatsoever here protecting this girl? That fisherwoman accusing Gu Tingye's buddy of rape got a whole trial so there are definitely laws in place here and places to appeal to.

Aunt Kang is getting away with all this bullshit because people are letting her.

***

Words to live by 💪💪

***

OMFG, THEN GO AHEAD AND DIE.

YOU AND EVERY SINGLE OTHER ONE OF YOU WHO HAS TRIED THIS SO FAR.

***

THIRD DAY, THIRD ATTEMPT TO FINISH THIS EPISODE 💪💪

I made it maybe 15 minutes last night before I had to turn everything off and rock back and forth in a dark room as I suffered. I eventually ended up vomiting, which was completely WTF. I've heard that this happens with migraines but this was my first time experiencing it and honestly? I don't think that this was a migraine either because the pain was not the stabbing agony with an aura they describe, but more like a constant throbbing pressure in my entire head. I get headaches often, and yes, they sometimes go on for two or three days, but I have never had one that was this intense, this long and so pain-killer resistant that I ended up vomiting because of it. It is now day three and I can still feel it throbbing in the background. My body is definitely trying to tell me something but I a not sure I am ready to listen 😔

***

Minlgan is too kind.

If it were me in her position, I would not feel one ounce of guilt.

[vintage-bentley]

so the fandom's defense of gaiman is that the claims can't be trusted since the site publishing them is "owned by a terf" and is therefore a conspiracy to destroy trans people? the fact they're not immediately disowning the guy who, in the best case scenario, initiated a sexual relationship with a 19 y/o employee, hours after meeting her, while being in his 60s and famous/wealthy says everything.

It’s actually insane. I’ve seen people go as far as claiming that the allegations are some sort of conspiracy to end trans rights because Neil defended David Tennant’s little misogyny fit.

Here’s some examples:

—

—

—

—

In my humble opinion, there’s a few things wrong with this line of logic.

I’m putting a cut here since this is a long post.

Regarding DT—that first screenshot seems to be implying that either the allegations were made up about Neil to slander David, or that because there was no “dirt” on David, real allegations were brought up about Neil.

In the first case, if the allegations are made up…wouldn’t they have just been made up about DT? What would be the point in going and making them about NG?

And in the second case, what the hell does DT have to do with that.

People seem to be forgetting that the general public does not associate DT with NG or vice versa. They did one show together, that doesn’t mean that their reputations are forever tied together. Nobody is going to slander NG to get at DT because there’s barely a connection between them.

And regarding the idea that this is some huge conspiracy to end trans rights or whatever…people are forgetting that it’s not like Neil is actually a huge trans rights advocate. It’s not like he’s constantly speaking to politicians and getting involved with trans organisations. It’s not like he’s on the front lines and is the first person the public thinks of when trying to think of a trans advocate.

He literally just said some stuff on social media. He went along with people’s trans headcanons for clout. He said the obligatory “oh yes JKR is a very bad woman”. That’s really it. Other than that, he’s just another straight male.

If the press really wanted to come out with a story that’s going to Destroy Trans Rights!!!!, they’d target a trans identifying person who’s a large face in the movement. They’d go after trans organisations. They wouldn’t find some author who sometimes says nice things about trans identifying people online and slander him in hopes of changing public opinion.

The entire conspiracy is just nonsensical, and to me it’s clearly an attempt to grab onto anything they can to prove that their special tumblr guy is innocent.

It’s also interesting that the one post I added mentions

“What I do believe is that it's awfully convenient that radfems and JK Rowling supporters (seriously, look at the tags of the people spreading the story) are stirring it up

Because yeah…radfems are kind of known for believing women who accuse men of rape and/or abuse. I’ll point to the Heard vs Depp thing again: when that was in full gear, I saw dozens of radfems posting in support of Heard, while everyone else was supporting Depp.

This isn’t an anti-trans thing—this is a feminists believe women thing.

But as we’ve seen repeatedly…the TQ+ crowd is incredibly self-centred. Everything must be about them at all times. I’m unfortunately not surprised that they’re trying to spin this into a “oh my god terfs are attacking trans people!!!!” Thing….even though radical feminists just do not have the social power to run a smear campaign against a powerful male celebrity in order to hurt the trans movement (just typing that out feels insane lol. How is this even a theory people are running with).

That said, when they say “terf” they don’t just mean radfems/radfem-aligned women. They mean literally anyone who disagrees with them.

Apparently the producer of the podcast that came out is Boris Johnson’s sister, who is also conservative. So, most likely not a radfem.

I agree that the source is kind of odd, because it’s such a niche site, and having a podcast about rape accusations reeks of true crime sensationalism. I’d like to see some more solid evidence coming out. Still, I’m believing the alleged victims and I hate watching people scramble to defend Gaiman.

[morimakesfanart]

Sindria's Prophet #42

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [Intermission] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41]

[AO3] [wattpad]

Sinbad x OC

*emotional and physical flashbacks described for Mori's 1st POV *Child abuse and domestic violence mentioned throughout Mori's POVs *Sinbad officially enters his yandere era at the end of the chapter. He'll be like this for several arcs before he recovers ~POV Sinbad~ The shock and fear on Mori's face was a clear answer. Somehow in the next 5 years, Sinbad would have originally become someone willing to destroy the world. He had always wondered how much he would change while pursuing his dream. Just what was the taboo information? What secrets did it hold that would make him willing to do such things? Sinbad smiled for their benefit. "Mori, it's okay." As his words sunk in, their fear started to release them enough that they were actually seeing him again. "Since I know now, there's no way I'll repeat the same mistak-" "Why would you think that you're the one??” The words burst out of them like an accusation and desperate plea.

---

~POV Mori~ I didn't mean to cut him off. The question was out of me before I realized I had found my voice -not that I kept it past that.

Why was Sinbad able to consider that he will start the 2nd Calamity??? I couldn't look at Ja'far for more information because I was barely comprehending Sinbad. I was definitely experiencing tunnel vision and not the fun type.

His smile was unchanging. "You said there are people that think they are chosen by Fate and would ignore the risk of the taboo." I was hearing Sinbad's words but why was he saying them?? "You also said the tragedies in my past were caused because I think that way, didn't you?"

'The taboo, hubris, the tragedies from Adventures... Oh.' He was answering my question.

"In your visions, my death occurs around the same time you said the 2nd Calamity will happen. It's just like how King Solomon died after using the taboo information, isn't it?" Sinbad had truly figured it out.

'If only I hadn't gotten drunk that night and spilled about his death. No, even if I had let some things slip, both of these two have been clinging to their denial for over a decade.' But they definitely believed what they were saying or they wouldn't have brought me this deep into the Purple Leo Tower. The jeweled mosaics on the walls and intricate patterns of the glasswork lanterns made it undeniable where we were. The fact that they were taking this so seriously had uncapped an old venom in my heart so I couldn't stop it from making my stomach turn no matter what they said.

Ja'far attempted to placate me. "There's no vision you could tell us that would be more shocking than this. I promise I will believe whatever you tell us from your visions."

'Does he actually mean that? Mr. Stabs as a warning?' I couldn't bring myself to check Ja'far's expression but I felt both of their eyes on me. All of my muscles tensed. I've dodged surprise attacks from closer in my own home and from point blank from a dog with separation anxiety. The faded scar from the dog on my upper lip was the only remaining proof and would have been much worse if I wasn't good enough at dodging and deflecting to normally not get hit. ((It's almost completely faded now btw :D))

Sinbad's voice was full of an emotion I couldn't comprehend properly. "I understand that you must be surprised that we figured it out, but know that we decided to tell you because we want you to trust us." His gentle smile only made the hole in my stomach greater. "Do you remember how you told me that there's more than one way to change? That I can choose a new path whenever I want?"

The person encouraging Sinbad to dirty his hands all these years was Ja'far. Sinbad would express the smallest amount of remorse or guilt and Ja'far would shoot down that line of thinking. What was stopping him from doing the same thing right now? I was too scared to look. He refused to accept the mere concept that Sinbad had the potential for the same evil as other Kings.

I know some ways to de-escalate a situation to prevent someone from having a violent reaction to a call out. And if that doesn't seem to work, I also know how to influence when they snap. An attack is an opening to escape and, depending on the person, an outlet for the emotion so they can actually have a civil conversation. But there wasn't a 100% guarantee that Sinbad could prevent Ja'far from hurting me if he snapped.

Sinbad leaned forward and picked up one of the Fate scrolls I'd made. My eyes followed his movement and the waves crashed into me when I looked at the table. The distance between the metal vessels and where those 2 were sitting was too great for them to reach without getting up. They made a point to sit away from their metal vessels, and made sure that they sat on the opposite side of the table from me so there was something separating us. Sinbad even said he knew their weapons made me nervous. They knew I would panic about this and wanted to put my mind at ease. 'I'm having a PTSD attack.' Them putting so many precautions in place was the first thing to start setting me off, but I couldn't deny that I would have panicked, regardless, the moment Sinbad explained they had figured it out.

Memories from the other me fluttered across my consciousness and I accepted their influence. They helped ground me faster than I would have with my own experience alone. Anger management issues and violent tendencies aside, Ja'far was not one of my past abusers. And no matter how manipulative Sinbad can be, he wasn't one either. Neither of these men were my enemy. Projecting doesn't help. My defensive anger was subsiding, but not my fear. I still knew what these men were capable of even if they weren't likely to direct it at me. But if I couldn't mask this feeling, I didn't want to be afraid. Being angry was so much easier.

--- ~POV Sinbad~ Mori sat there frozen. Anger, desperation and fear took turns on their face while they were unable to respond. Whatever plan they made to avoid the 2nd Calamity was completely destroyed. But lying to them, and hiding this would have been worse in the long run; Sinbad was sure of that now. How long were they testing and judging him for a sign of his future self? He'd never earn their trust that way. They were only panicking because he had moved things too quickly. It looked like they were barely breathing until they glanced at the metal vessels on the table. Even though he had prepared for this possibility it still hurt to see it happen. Mori really was this scared of both of them deep down. It's no wonder they were unable to see him as a real romantic option.

For now, the only option he had was words. Hopefully over time, Mori would come to understand that he truly meant them. He held up a scroll to emphasize his point. "I know now that you were also right about me ignoring my intuition. Even when I first arrived in Reim and got swindled I ignored the feeling that something was wrong because I was blinded by opportunity." He placed the scroll back on the table but didn't remove his hand from it. "After how things ended in Riem I started turning to others for help but I was hiding the truth of what I was asking because I didn't want to disappointment them again." He laughed at his past self and shook his head. For the first time in a while he was excited to be able to try something new in his pursuit towards his dream. "I'm human even if I can feel the waves. I'm not going to blame my mistakes on fate anymore."

--- ~POV Mori~ 'That isn't Sinbad. That isn't the Sinbad I read about!' The Sinbad I knew shouldn't have been able to accept he was a human person instead of chosen by fate -not while he could still feel the waves. (Although he was quick to accept it when that happened.) I was only in this world for two months. How had he made such a leap in such a short period of time? Sure, Sinbad is shown changing his stance quickly and without shame multiple times in the series, but-!

'No. There's still a chance this is all a show.' I knew this pattern. He could just be saying this to sedate me. Eventually he will grow tired of this and then he will stop pretending. When an opportunity to gain more power shows up, it won't matter what he's been saying, he'll dirty his hands like he did in the original. I won't believe him until he actually makes a different decision during a major event. Trusting him before that would just be setting myself up for failure.'

I subconsciously glanced at Ja'far for confirmation. 'Oh.' That was not an expression he used when he agreed with the situation. But it was one he wore when he had to accept it regardless. 'They really did talk about this before coming to me. Ja'far was forced to accept that Sinbad did those things, and is choosing a different path now because Sinbad said so.' That meant Sinbad really meant everything he was saying.

'Of course Ja'far would be uncomfortable. Whenever Sinbad said he wanted to change Ja'far was the one that talked him out of it. Even if you say that Sinbad's decisions are his own, Ja'far will still blame himself for not noticing the truth.' That scowl was because Ja'far sucks at coping with guilt. He grew up having to ignore and deny his own guilt to live as an assassin, so of course he couldn't understand Sinbad until now.

I knew something felt different about this Sinbad for a while. He trusted me. Really trusted me and the things I said about Fate. He would look for supporting evidence and cracks in my words to find what I wasn't saying, but he believed that I wasn't lying. And more than that, he had no problem making changes based on the new information I shared. Which was something he did in the original but not when it came to his self perception.

My eyes grew warm with the threat of tears and I held my breath on instinct. This didn't feel real. 'If this really is a fanfiction then this has to be a doomed draft or something, right?' This was more than just trusting my words; Sinbad read the scrolls and was able to accept and acknowledge his own flaws as a human person. He was already starting to make changes based on this information that was new to him.

"You're always like this." I sounded bitter. I was bitter but not at Sinbad or Ja'far. "Whenever you get new information and perspectives you have no problem changing your actions to accommodate them. I already knew that, but" being on the receiving end is...

He made it look easy. 'If it's so easy then why couldn't they do it?' Why did I have to grow up in a situation where I had to see words as more important than a person's willingness to follow through? I had forced myself to suffer through so much because of that conditioning.

My legs would not be able to support me if I stood -let alone carry me out of here. Since coming to this world I had managed to cry a few times. Back home I was so practiced in holding it in that I didn't know how to let myself cry anymore, but this place made me feel safer than I had been in ages. I could only hope I'd be able to hold out until I left.

--- ~POV Sinbad~ "Can I have a minute please?" Mori covered their face with their hands.

"Of course."

One minute easily turned into ten.

"You're correct." Their voice came muffled through their hands, so they dropped them. The eyes that peeked up at the King were very tired and glossy. "You will use the taboo because of the opportunity it poses in contrast to the recent losses." A deep breath. Mori glanced between the two men and their show of faith on the table. "They were so unexpected and great that you finally realized you're a flawed human like everyone else."

Mori had previously said he would repeat the mistakes of his past. Was it something like that that would originally lead him to realize he's human?

The Prophet held their hands together in their lap. The growing acceptance on their features was heartbreaking for multiple reasons. There was a pain in their eyes that he recognized from many people he had saved. He had the sinking feeling that Mori's ex wasn't the only person that had hurt them. Sinbad gripped both arms of his chair to stop himself from getting up. If he moved while they were this fragile he'd definitely startle them.

Mori took a slow breath to keep control of their tone. "I don't know what your specific thoughts were, but there was a point that you thought of your parents as you were processing it."

Of course he thought of his parents and childhood. When his father was alive was the last time he felt like a 'normal' person. After that he couldn't act like the other children in his village. His mother's health declined, so he had to start working much earlier than others. And then the war took all of the able-bodied men, so he had to help the whole village, not just his mother. Sinbad normally says that his citizens are his family -he knows most of them by name and walks amongst them regularly- but he hadn't felt that type of connection between a close group of people since his parents died. And after learning about Magi and being a Singularity it made sense to him that he couldn't find anyone he wanted to start a family with. Who could possibly stand next to a Singularity as an equal? Who could possibly be his family? Sinbad found himself answering these questions and remembering his parents since meeting someone else who could feel the waves of fate. So realizing he's human would definitely lead him down a similar line of thought. ---

~POV Ja'far~ King Sinbad had once explained that Mori was the type to turn away when admitting to a painful truth. So when they looked towards the windows and their arms wrapped around themself to grip their sides, Ja'far knew their words were going to carry more weight.

"Even though you knew no one else wanted you to do it, you kept finding yourself wanting to anyway. You couldn't understand why until you-" They cut themself off and after a moment found the will to finish. "...Until you went through with it. You realized it was because you wanted to see how far you could go with your own strength as a human. For the first time in your life you relished in your own power and coveted something just because you wanted it."

Sinbad was greedy. Everyone knew that. Even the Djinn had to cut him off from capturing more Dungeons. It was obvious that Sin found using his power thrilling. But it was also true that all of the power and wealth Sinbad was gathering and using was in the name of his dream. The only things Sin ever sought out for indulgence were travel, alcohol or sex. Even all of his personal possessions were easily replaceable things. Ja'far had to ask, "Wait. If the thing holding back Sin's greed all this time was him thinking he's some chosen one," he sent a glare at the King in question who flinched as if to confirm his words, "then why have you been trying to get him to accept that he's human? It doesn't make any sense."

Mori turned back to them. "He'll figure it out on his own no matter what happens," she glanced at the King in question but couldn't hold it, "so I just wanted him to get there when he hasn't experienced such a major loss." Ja'far turned to Sin as well to see his eyes widening and a hand raising to cover his face. "If he has the time to become self aware instead of his desperation making him impulsive, then he can find something to focus his greed on that won't hurt others or disappoint himself in the process."

It was a good thing Mori wasn't looking. The smile growing on Sinbad's face was one he rarely wore, but Ja'far knew it well. At least Sin had enough shame to cover his mouth even as he said, "Yes. I believe you might be right about that." He couldn't look away from 'his Beautiful Prophet' if he tried. The King had realized what he 'needed' to move forward and he wasn't going to accept 'no' for an answer. "But now I'm curious. What made you think you could convince me?"

Sinbad wasn't looking at Mori the way he looked at his possible one night stands. It was somehow worse. This was the very greed that was at the root of their problems. And yet Ja'far couldn't bring himself to truly consider reeling Sin back in. Mori had managed to break through the mask that they had all watched slowly form on their King with no way to stop it. Ja'far couldn't judge if any of this was right for Mori, but it was definitely good for Sinbad and Sindria, and by the sounds of it, better for the whole world. Was this why Hina and Drakon kept pushing for Sinbad to settle down? Mori's face reddened. His overly flirty tone was not lost on them. "Well, because you felt remorse. Both in the past and future." They twisted to try to turn more away while staying in their seat. If they weren't saying something important, Ja'far would be gathering his things to leave the two alone. "Even when you used the taboo, you left openings so someone could try to stop you. And when several came to talk you out of it, it took a while but you were relieved to find a new answer even though it was too late to stop everything completely." A pause. "And in the end, you used the last of your strength to make sure everyone else had a chance to survive. So I knew you would be at least willing to listen to me..." The smile on the King's face softened. He only waited one beat before standing and walking over to her. Mori flinched when he kneeled on the floor by her feet but relaxed when he took her hands. The General didn't need to see the rest. He silently grabbed his things and left. Ja'far sighed. This past month he had been hoping their theory was wrong, that -if nothing else- the pattern wouldn't repeat again. His chosen master both was and was not the person he thought. All of this turned his stomach into knots in a way he hadn't experienced in at least a decade. He believed Sinbad when he admitted to the past. He would always follow whatever choices Sinbad made. On occasions like this, the ex assassin couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. It's why he had always advised Sin to stick to his plans, his dreams, his methods, the thing that had worked all along. Change was here whether or not Ja'far was ready for it. And it was necessary. ((A combination of working on this chapter and other self help let me finally reach the point of being able to truly mourn the relationship with my ex. One night in the middle of summer I felt my brain rewiring when it finally all hit and I cried. Thank you all for sharing in this journey with me :3 I'm not done this story yet though! This is just the first of my bigger therapy goals being achieved :D The next is trying to feel comfortable being in a relationship again once I realize I can trust that person enough to try. This took a bit longer to get out than I thought, and not because of making the JJK fic. The antibiotic I had been on started causing too many problems, so I had to switch again. The good news though is that it's almost completely out of me :D I was told that by the rate I'm going I might actually be infection free by February!! I hope everyone had a good holiday, and will have happy New Year!))

[imbecominggayer]

Writing Advice On Self-Harm (tw obvi)

Hi, even though this post is going to be about serious issues such as self-harm and suicidal ideation and all of that fun jazz, I am going to speaking about this topic with the same tone I always do. If that is considered offensive, just remember I am a person who has been sent to the crisis center and does self-harm :)

Remember, these are just my personal experiences. Everything is diverse and it's okay to mention that these experiences are not universal. HOWEVER, don't accuse me of lying about any of this shit!

TW: Talks About Self-Harm, Mental Illness, And Everything Related

Actual Introduction:

Despite the fact that whump and angst tend to include mention of suicidal thinking and self-harm, they rarely feel realistic in my own point of view. Obviously, there are various different motivations and actions for self-harm but I just want to see some of my own representation.

So here are some myths about self-harm and myths about mental illness in general since they tend to overlap.

A) Everyone Who Self-Harms And Thinks Of Suicide Is Mentally Ill

Yeah, this is pretty big misconception in the community so I just wanted to establish this.

Outside influences like unhealthy friend circles, stressful situations, and abuse which are linked yet not conclusive for mental illness can influence someone's desire to do self-harm.

While mental illness is a big motivator for self-harm, self-harm is just a coping mechanism. And not everyone who uses coping mechanisms are mentally ill

B) Self-Harm Can Only Happen Like [EXAMPLE]

There are various different ways of self-harming.

Personally, I tend to scratch my arms and specifically my left hand since my dominate hand is my right. It's also just an easy place to reach.

So I get a tinsy bit upset when the only "serious" type of self-harm is shown by cutting. Especially since I felt that the only way someone would ever take me seriously is by using a knife.

Remember, readers are going to be reading your shit so please try and diversify your self-harming from the physical and the mental since every single self-harm habit outside of "ritualistic cutting" tends to be judged as "less serious" or "not real".

Mental self-harm is real and self-destructive.

C) Self-Harm Is Dramatic

This may just be a me-thing but my self-harming mental struggle definitely isn't like how other people write it.

Genuinely, I treat self-harm like it's just another thing I do.

"Oh yeah, sometimes I write, do a bit of scratching, read a book, and watch youtube"

I self-harmed exclusively in public spaces since my self-harm is mostly conflated with my anxiety. And these people do not notice a thing. Genuinely. LIke, I have literally turned my entire hand red and bloody and nobody noticed.

It's just that nobody ever suspects it since people don't think of scratching casually in class when they think of self-harm.

When I was forced to go the crisis center since I expressed planning of suicide, I was making jokes the entire time.

When I shared a room with this amazing person(they/them) who had bipolar disorder. We just talked about our sexualities, job dreams, and watched The Amazing World Of Gumball.

I miss them.

GRAND CONCLUSION:

The point of this last section is to illustrate the fact that those with mental illness aren't removed from society in the way authors tend to write them.

In the minds of authors, once you express possible symptoms of a mental illness you become this melodramatic inhuman spectacle of misery.

I'm pretty normal. I have hobbies that have no deep psychological justification. I have a family that isn't just pure trauma in a trench coat. I have thoughts of normal sadness, happiness, peace, and anger.

I just also happen to self-harm sometimes.

Again, this section might be problematic and bad but it's just how I feel. And there is no such thing as a "problematic feeling". All there exists are problematic actions.

TO REITERATE, IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME THAT IS FINE. I AM NOT THE GOD OF MENTAL STRUGGLE. I JUST WANTED TO THROW OUT MY OPINION.

sorry for offending anyone :(

[evan4ever]

I just had the most angsty idea everrr and was wondering if I could request it to you: Kit and a girl reader in Briarcliff are all in love and finally happened to make love for the first time during kitchen duty, they get caught (much like in the show) and are to be sterilized as punishment to prevent a possible "unwanted" pregnancy in the future with their relationship, but reader has always shared to Kit that her biggest dream in life was experiencing pregnancy and being a mother one day if she ever got lucky to be free again, and so being desperate to try and save reader from sterilization and having her only and one dream totally shattered from her possibilities, Kit goes to the only idea he could think of to get reader out of that and lies straight ahead saying he harrassed her and forced her to do things she didn't want to (which was of course the most brutal lie ever, she was the one who had insisted it upon him in the first place btw) and so there would be no need for sterilization since there was no real relationship between them and no possibility of it happening again in the future, and Jude had absolutely no tolerance for harrassment so instead of having Kit being sterilized himself, she orders the guards to beat the hell out of him in front of the reader to make her feel like having justice from his acts to her, all whilst the reader knows what Kit was doing to save her and can't deny it at the same time; then lastly, in the end she visits him in infirmary to check on him and comfort him and also confront him.

Sorry it got way too long lol, but it would seriously mean everything if you could write this down please, and tysm btw! <3

A Lie For Me

Warnings: this is pretty dark so read with caution, it may be triggering. Mentions of rape, sexual assault, harassment. Abuse/beating. Talk of sterilization, infertility, etc. it was a hard one to write folks

—

“What?” Kit’s eyes went wide at your desperate request. You pressed your lips together so tightly the skin began turning white, looking at him pleadingly.

You knew it was a horrible thing to request of him. You knew it was wrong in so many ways, and you knew it would be really awful on his end — the things that could happen to him by “admitting” what you wanted him to. You felt terrible, but you were so desperate.

“Please Kit…” you whispered, tears forming in your eyes. His furrowed eyebrows began softening slowly as he studied your face that held nothing but the desperation you felt.

“S’let me get this straight — you want me to lie, tell them I… forced you… to do that with me back there in the kitchen? Y/n, why? D’ya know what they’ll do to me?” His eyebrows re-furrowed themselves as he listened to what he was saying, what you were wanting him to do. It wasn’t the truth, far from. The sexual acts that you were both caught in was completely mutual, wanted by both. He didn’t quite understand it and he needed a further explanation from you first.

“It is my biggest dream to be a mother someday. Kit I can’t think of anything worse for myself than being sterilized. If they strip me of my ability to form a child one day… I don’t think I could live on. Kit, I will end it all if they do. I will take my life the second I’m alone. I know it’s not fair of me to ask something of you like this, and if my chances of having a child weren’t at stake, I never would ask it of you. Please… I’m begging of you to just please try to understand.” You pleaded with him, trying your absolute hardest to help him understand where you’re coming from. You’re not a bad person, lying about sexual assault and harassment is such a horrible thing one could do. The false accusations have put many men in prison and you were a very big advocate about it; but now your future of being a mother was making you do the one thing you could never fathom before.

Kit’s eyes looked down at his handcuffed hands before they rested upon yours that were also handcuffed. You were both waiting for your punishment of being sterilized. He thought over your words again and again. He did understand you, he wanted nothing more than to be a father himself someday. But if what you were saying was true, that you’d take your life over being sterilized, he knew he had to do the right thing, for you. He’d do whatever it took.

“I swear on my life I wouldn’t dare ask if it wasn’t im—“

“I’ll do it.” Kit cut you off, his eyes now flickering back up to yours. They weren’t the usual kind eyes that you had gotten to know and love so much. They weren’t mean either, not even cold. They were just dark. Almost emotionless.

But you were desperate, so you didn’t dare start that conversation in fears that he would possibly change his mind. You had him on board. You had him where you needed him. And god, you felt so selfish. You hated yourself right now.

A beat of silence passed as you both just stared at each other, Kit’s face unreadable while yours nervous.

“..thank you.” You finally whispered out. Kit glanced behind you and you turned your head to see what he was now looking at and your stomach dropped as Sister Jude entered the small room, Dr. Arden and a nurse behind her. You swallowed hard and quickly looked back at Kit who glared up at Jude.

“Now, it would be wise of you both to not make this any more difficult than it already has to be—“

“I raped her.” Kit cut Jude off harshly. You sucked in a sharp breath at hearing his words, holding it in now as you waited for her response. Your eyes squeezed shut in shame, but when Jude looked at you for confirmation, she saw what she believed was fear.

“Y/n? Is this true?” Jude spoke slowly to you, softly.

You didn’t dare open your eyes, you didn’t believe you’d be able to go through with the harsh lie that you had begged Kit to see through. Instead, you only nodded in response. A choked back sob escaped from you, your handcuffed hands covering your face as you continued sobbing into them.

Jude believed you were crying because of being assaulted, no idea that you were actually crying because of his terrible you felt.

“I’m..” Jude started lowly, shaking her head slowly as she looked back to Kit, her entire body filling with rage. “I am just so.. incredibly… utterly disgusted right now. Kit, you..” she points her finger at him as she attempts to control her anger, her finger noticeably shaking, “you think being here allows you to do as you please with women?! Th-that you can force a woman to sleep with you on MY account, in MY kitchen?!”

You still couldn’t bring yourself to look at what was happening before you, only squeezing your eyes shut even tighter if it were possible as you listened to Jude’s voice raise into a scream — a scream directed towards Kit.

“You have some real nerve, boy.”

You tore your hands from your face at the sound of skin against skin, realizing that Jude had made her way in front of Kit and had just slapped him hard against his cheek. Your eyes were wide in seeing how angry and upset Jude was over this, shocked by it honestly. It seems to be personal to her.

“I will not have a rapist on this property.” She spat at him. Kits face dropped towards the ground, his shoulder slumping forwards in his own shame even though he had nothing to be ashamed of.

You wanted so badly to hug him and to tell him you were sorry, to tell Jude he was lying at the cost of your sterilization punishment. That he was lying for you. But before you could even manage to attempt speaking up, Jude had Kit pulled to his feet and was pushing him past you to the door.

“Well, I will just show you what happens to rapists on this property.” She pushed him out of the door, kit nearly stumbling over his own feet but allowing her to push him where she wanted him to go. You stood to your feet now and quickly walked out of the door and following behind them. “Do you realize the trauma you have caused this woman?!” Jude yelled at him as they entered her office, her finger now pointing at you as you stood wide eyed. “Do you understand what being sexually assaulted does to a woman?! Of course not, you’re a man. A pig.” She spits out again, turning and walking to you now.

You sucked in another deep breath as she approached and stood in front of you now, her eyes softening with what looked like sympathy for you. She felt bad for you. And it was so wrong because it didn’t actually happen, Kit never forced you, in fact one could argue that you initiated the sex.

“I am terribly, terribly sorry you had to go through that, my dear. No woman should ever have to. I do understand the pain you’re experiencing.” She spoke softly to you, her finger tips gliding down your cheek gently, comfortingly. But it didn’t feel that way against your skin, it felt like razor blades cutting you deep for your lie. You felt disgusted in yourself by the comfort this woman was showing you, comfort you didn’t deserve in the slightest. “He will pay for his behavior. You will redeem your deserved justice by watching him suffer.”

Her words cut deep like a knife, your heart dropping into your stomach when you realized what was going to happen.

“Show him no mercy.” She said to the men standing beside the two of you, them nodding and immediately walking to Kit.

“Wait that’s- it’s not neces—“

“He needs to pay. A lesson that greedy men deserve nothing.” She cut you off, walking back to Kit who only stood silently. He didn’t object, he didn’t intervene, he didn’t beg or plead. He readied himself for the beating that was to come, to be sure that you wouldn’t be sterilized. He was going to see it through. And you looked at him apologetically for everything you’ve caused by your selfishness. This wasn’t what you were expecting. You surely didn’t want to witness the abuse he’d endure. You honestly thought that they’d maybe lock him up for awhile and forget about it, but no, that wasn’t the case here.

You realized the very big mistake you’ve made.

And Kit quickly realized you were about to slip up, confess. He shook his head at you while Jude was looking away, your face scrunching in confusion as to why he wouldn’t want you to confess. You wanted to stop this, stop him from what was about to happen. But he silently begged you to keep your mouth closed. Your eyes burned into his trying to understand, soon realizing that if you did confess, this wouldn’t just go away either. If you confessed that it was all a lie now, not only would you both be sterilized, but you’d both likely be beat to near death. He was telling you that this was better than what would be if you told the truth now.

So you stayed silent, and you watched in complete horror as Kit was beaten. At some point you could no longer stomach it, looking away and trying your hardest not to vomit. They truly weren’t showing any mercy. The screams that came from Kit were now imbedded in your head, the bloody sight on his on the ground curled up in a ball replaying every time you closed your eyes. It was horrifying to see, and that was your own punishment for your selfishness.

By the end of it, they carried Kit away while you stood hugging yourself tightly, unable to move your eyes from the ground. Even when Jude approached you once more, speaking to you but you not hearing a single word. Jude believed it was shock from everything you had experienced. She had a nurse guide you to the Common Room and help you comfy yourself with a glass of water and a blanket.

And you sat in that chair, curled up, unable to pry your mind away from itself. You felt numb, sick, disgusted in yourself. You couldn’t bring your hand to grab the water for a drink no matter how dry your mouth was. You simply couldn’t move. As if you were frozen in that spot watching Kit be nearly killed because of you, over and over again. It felt cruel that the world would make you relive it, but you knew you deserved to feel this way.

Selfishness is the Devils work.

Hours passed by and you never moved a muscle. Jude noticed and had another nurse guide you to your cell to have you lay down. She was taking such good care of you, care you didn’t deserve. It was wrong and unfair.

When night fell, you finally pulled yourself from your thoughts and decided you needed to see him. You figured he was in the infirmary after the wounds he’d received. So once you were sure everyone was asleep, you snuck from your cell and made your way quietly and carefully all the way down to the infirmary, double checking that no one was around before entering.

“Kit?” You whispered into the silence. The room was dark, you could barely make out anything before you and had to feel your way around, finally making it to the bed. You heard the creaks of it intending someone was on it. You crouched yourself down so you could be eye level with the man who was resting on it. Your eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness allowing you to finally see better, scanning him from head to toe. He was now handcuffed to the side rails of the bed, as if he’d be able to do anything in this state.

You couldn’t see well, but enough to notice the bruises on his face and down his arms. They made you sick all over again. You could’ve hurled if you allowed yourself to, but you held back, swallowing hard before looking back to his black and blue swollen face.

“Kit?” You whispered again.

“I can’t really open my eyes.” You heard him respond, your jaw clenching at his words. More guilt washed over you and you rested your head against the side of the bed as tears formed in your eyes.

“I’m s-so sorry” your voice cracked as you spoke. “I’m so selfish, I don’t know what I was thinking… I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t think about the consequences. God im so sorry I made this happen to you.”

Kit couldn’t move much due to being restricted by his hands cuffed to the rails on either side of him, but he did turn his head towards you, letting his forehead lean into your head. You lifted it when you felt him, furrowing your brows wondering how he could possibly be comforting you right now. You deserved nothing from him, you wouldn’t blame him if he absolutely hated you because the feeling of yourself was mutual.

“They got me loaded up on meds.” He chuckled. “M’alright darlin. I’ll be fine. It’s over.”

You just gazed at him the best you could in the darkness, occasionally glancing at the different bruises and marks on his face. You couldn’t accept his acceptance of the situation. You didn’t want to be forgiven for begging him to do what he did. This was on you and it baffles you that he wasn’t angry.

“I’ll make it right with you, I promise you.” You whispered out, your hands now caressing his cheek ever so gently. He hummed in response, the feeling of your hands against his skin warming and comforting. “Whatever you need, say it. I’ll do anything. Whatever it takes.”

“Be the mother you want to be someday. Get out of this place and fulfill that dream. That’s all I want.”

You felt a tug on your heart, your eyes closing in response and even more shame filling you. You let out a quiet sigh before leaning your head down next to his and letting your foreheads rest against the others again. You only wanted this nightmare to be over, but you knew you owed everything to this man for not allowing them to take your fertility from you. You owed him everything, and you were going to see that through.

—

Tags: @evanpetersmood @witchsbitchestime @demxnicprxncess @yes-divine-ruler @shjjpm m @evanpsrealwife @iruzias @jangsuzchap @quicksilversg1rl @submissiveforahsmen @angelmenace @lovelizzie-blog1 @justa19 @daylas-life @simp4petermaximoff @totta69

[reviewdiaries]

Nancy x Ace and the case of emotional intimacy in 4x02

The writers are on fire this season, no seriously, they ate a bunch of the unhinged wants from the Nancy Drew fandom and said ‘here, it’s the final season, feast on this!’ Part of me wondered if they would keep the proverbial foot on the gas after that truly what even oh my god final scene of episode one, but oh boy they really came out swinging for episode two.

You know the drill, I get rambly, more beneath the cut.

The tension throughout this episode between Ace and Nancy is absolutely delicious. Whilst I would love to know how that confrontation at Icarus Hall ended, I really love how they open 4x02. Ace isn’t letting Nancy off that easily, not after finally cracking open this slice of honesty at last. He hasn’t physically pushed in again, not since that step back when Nancy told him they were cursed, and it’s a direct contrast to 4x01 how hands off he is in this episode. He doesn’t invade her personal space, he’s restraining himself so hard in the first few scenes not to reach out to her, he knows that having opened the door to this conversation and Nancy’s fears about the curse it would be too easy for her to shut down again, shut him out and refuse to be anywhere near him. He’s having to walk a tightrope of managing his own feelings and trying to get more information and not pushing in the wrong way and losing Nancy completely. 

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

He’s hurt, he’s angry, he wants to scream at the world that he’s finally found out that Nancy loves him and he can’t do anything about it. The physical barrier of the table in this opening scene is a really delightful framing option. They’re talking (sort of) finally, but it’s not a fully open conversation yet, there’s a barrier (literally) blocking them from reaching an understanding. 

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

Ace is desperate - for information, for understanding, for Nancy to stop shutting him out and actually tell him what she knows. He’s had this dumped on him barely twelve hours ago and is still processing. Nancy, meanwhile, has had weeks to work through her feelings and has made a decision for her, without the acknowledgement that it’s more than her in this. Nancy has been blinded by fear to the fact that this cannot just be her choice. They’re a team, they’re a unit, no matter that they cannot be physically close to each other, but they’ve forgotten that in amongst the fear and the anger and they’re not working effectively together.

That’s a running theme throughout - they’re together for a lot of the episode, but not actually working as a team. It’s mostly Bro!Nancy pushing, belittling, ripping those around her down, but after enough sniping Ace starts to give it back. Never enough to hurt Nancy, but enough to rile her, to let her know that he isn’t just going to lie down and take whatever she feels like throwing at him. He’s had weeks of not having her, barely even seeing her, and now suddenly he has all of this new information to work through and it’s not even really Nancy anymore, it’s some Bro version of her and god he just wants his friend back and it hurts.

GIF Credit  @hucklebucket

You see him fading back further and further from the group, not wanting to even engage with her whilst she’s like this, because this isn’t his Nancy, sure he still loves her, but he doesn’t particularly like her right now. What starts out as just Dudebro humour quickly degenerates into verbal and physical abuse and at every turn Ace works to hide his hurt from her, to not let it affect him, to protect Nancy even when she’s trying to kill him.

The tipping point is at the hospital where she accuses him of flirting with the nurse - you can watch him shut down and disengage before walking away. Ace will do a lot for Nancy, Ace would die for Nancy, but this isn’t her. This is some horrible warped version of her and he’s not going to sit around and let her abuse him like this.

He doesn’t want anything from this version of Nancy. Even when she offers to tell him about the time they did get together you can see a flicker, a moment where he files that piece of information away for later because this is new, this is something that he wasn’t aware of, this adds layers and context and confusion to what Nancy has been dancing around all this time, because how could they have had time together? But he doesn’t want to know now, he doesn’t want this Nancy to be the one to tell him, bartering the information away to make him like her again. He wants his Nancy to tell him, he wants it to be a conversation, not bargaining chips and one upmanship.

When she starts trying to physically hurt him he backs away, at no point does he go on the offensive or try to really overpower her. 

GIF Credit  @hypermania

He just tries to get her somewhere where she can’t hurt him or herself. But even when she’s slightly more in control of herself and the first thing she does is apologise to him he still doesn’t engage with her. Doesn’t come down to her level. He hangs back, because this is worse than when she wasn’t spending time with him, this is something twisted and he hates how it makes him feel like he’s the one that swallowed poison. 

That shifts when she vomits. As soon as she’s unwell he can’t help himself, he moves in to check she’s ok, to be there for her. Because there’s a lot of hurt that it’s going to take him a while to move past, but now at least it’s his Nancy back again, and he needs to be close to her - two magnets impossible to keep apart. But he doesn’t talk to her, he’s still angry, still hurt, and yes she’s apologised but it’s not enough to soothe everything else about this god awful day. He uses the others to stay away from her, physically putting distance between them even though Nancy is back to not being able to keep her eyes from him. This will take more than an I’m sorry. This needs honesty, openness, time for the two of them to reforge a connection. They go off together to finish the case, to get closure and a confession from Logan, Ace throwing himself into his role. The car rider over there silent and awkward - this isn’t the time, Nancy is still head half in the case even as she keeps sliding glances to Ace to gauge whether he’s ready to listen, ready to talk, ready to let her back in again.

There’s been a lot of hypothesising about the curse, the parameters of it, and the fact that this forces Nancy to actually communicate for the first time with someone she loves. It’s something she’s been slowly learning to do with those around her, but it hasn’t filtered through into her romantic relationships. Every other relationship we’ve seen her avoid and deflect and outright refuse to engage, but suddenly that’s no longer an option. Her options here are1)  to not engage with Ace, which she tries with varying degrees of success throughout these two episodes, or 2) to actually talk to him and communicate openly. That last scene between them is the most open and vulnerable we’ve ever seen them in reality, and it shows how much growth Nancy has gone through over the course of the show that she now is able to actually talk to Ace and tell him these intimate details.

When she shows up at his door, he doesn’t really react to her joke (yes that’s the jar Bro!Nancy failed to open earlier) and physically flinches away from her as she moves into the apartment. He’s halfway to kicking her out when she finally (finally) begins to talk, to explain how she’s felt all day, and the understanding that not being able to access her own emotions has brought her. She doesn’t get to decide what Ace can and cannot know about this curse. It’s as much his as hers, arguably more his because it’s his life on the line. And yes Nancy has been so hurt and damaged by the other timeline that she’s trying to protect and shut down, but it’s not only her in this and at last she understands that.

At last she offers to tell him everything, and this is his Nancy and his space and it’s the diametric opposite to the night before. It’s light and he can see her and the night before he was filled with need and want and righteous demands for answers. Now it’s quieter, wanting to be with her to understand, to sit with her and talk. Because yes the physical aspects of a relationship are important, but part of what he’s been denied (to both of them over the last few weeks) is the connection and communication. The understanding, the raw truth, stripped back to the essence of each of them. And the relief on his face as Nancy talks to him, as she finally lets him in. The tension drains away and it is a real and palpable thing. There’s still that careful careful distance between them, because now at last Ace understands the need for no physical intimacy, but there is emotional intimacy instead. Hands carefully kept to themselves, eye contact, raw grief and tears. 

GIF Credit  @princessclarke

And Ace acknowledges her pain, they both finally reach a place of understanding for the other. Gone are the demands, the pushes, the refusal to back down. Now is a quieter comfort, a gentle humour, a slow breath out to release the tension. The relief of a wound finally cleansed, of being able to ask Nancy about what happened between them and hear about the good stuff, not just the grief and trauma. Because sure it’s important to talk about that, but they deserve the gentle kindness, the good, the slow slide of waking up and telling him that he smiles in his sleep.

GIF Credit @princessclarke

Nancy is a schoolgirl in love, desperate to talk about her crush. And what a way to talk about it, to actually be able to speak about the things that happened between the two of you with the person they happened with. To be able to use a shorthand that you both understand. To finally fall back and just stare at each other, drink the other in, bask in the closeness that could never have been achieved before the curse. Not like this, not without the physical closeness entwining with it.

GIF Credit  @princessclarke

And that final shot, the framing of the two of them on the two different colours of bedspread. This is the start of something new. This is lancing the infected wound and allowing them to heal. This is hope. Ace is calm and still for the first time, content just to watch, and Nancy’s chest is tight with the wanting and this beautiful blossoming hopeful thing.

GIF Credit  @nacesource

This is finally being on the same page and wanting to try. Because that’s all Ace has been begging for throughout the day, the chance to try. And all Nancy has refused to allow herself the option to hope. This is the start of something beautiful. It won’t all be magically fixed, there’s still going to be heartache and grief and bumps along the way. But this is where it starts, a glorious night spent talking until they fall asleep, baring their souls for the other to finally see fully.

[fategoflatass]

My Fall 2023 Watchlist & Opinions

Welcome to the comeback of my reviews that no one expected! But hey, I think this would be a nice practice for me to develop my writing skills and my critical thinking (?).

Take in consideration this post will be long because #unemployed, so everything will be under the cut.

Ready or not (I sure am not), here I go!

Atarashii Joushi wa Dotennen

Comedy, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆¾

After an atrocious experience with an abusive boss, Momose decides to switch workplaces. Used to such a toxic environment, he never expected his new superior to be so goofy!

The most wholesome show you'll find this season, and one of the most I've seen in general!

The work environment is pretty much paradise, each and every character being the living representation of the sweetest and most tender cotton candy you'll be able to find.

While the comedy mostly relies on Shirosaki's sillyness, it never gets old. Alongside the laughs, you'll find yourself aww-ing to many, many scenes.

Also, the series is conscious of the way people takes it (no, this is not a BL) and dedicates some scenes to it by giving different double meaning scenarios (they're all wholesome, no need to worry about that). Just a heads up, in case you're not into this kind of thing.

Want to know more? There's a canonical bisexual character in it! And here I was thinking that we didn't exist for Japan.

Totally recommend for those gloomy days, or even when you just need to shut off your brain.

Dr. STONE: NEW WORLD Part 2

Action, Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi // ☆☆☆☆

No summary due to spoilers.

I don't think there's much I can say about this one? I mean, unless I want to spoil someone, and I'm not a spoiler kind of person so...

For those curious about my experience, I'm enjoying myself very much! I decided to give it a try since my best friend loves it, and I liked it so much I quickly got up to date with it.

Now, do I understand every single thing they talk about? Hell nah, do you know how many times I failed chemistry and physics?!

But besides that, this show is a pretty wild and fun ride. And not only the previous parts, but also this one! Again, don't feel like making spoilers but the quality hasn't lacked not even a little bit. The characters are still as charismatic and funny as they've always been, and the plot keeps getting more and more interesting as it progresses.

Only thing I can say without explicitly spoiling anything: one of these days, Gen will end up messing with the wrong people. Can't tell you what tells me that, but he's messy enough for me to be unable to think otherwise.

Hametsu no Oukoku

Action, Drama, Fantasy // ☆☆

Once benerated due to their wisdom, witches are now being hunted down by humans who accuse them of impeding the progress of civilization. Adonis, a human raised by a witch, swears revenge against those who took his mentor from him.

CW: instances of extreme violence, forced non-sexual public partial nudity

Yes, I watched this one. Yes, it's an edgy one. No, it's not fun.

As someone who's always down to anything that has to do with fantasy, magic and supernatural beings, as well as being able to enjoy the trashiest things in life, I had some hope in the plot. Not in the way that it might be actually good, but in the way that it could be so bad I could get some laughs out of it. Sadly, this series takes itself quite seriously.

Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't because it isn't even that good. The characters are plain, the episodes feel longer than they should, and there are times where you can see it go all over the top.

A pet peeve I have is when certain abilities/powers have ridiculous names, and this show does that to a tee by giving them some of the dumbest/edgiest (not exclusionary) names I've seen in a while.

"Do they even have to do with what each witch's magic is supposed to be?" I ask to the void in utter confusion.

"Absolutely not, but doesn't it sound rad?!" an easily impressed twelve-year-old exclaims from the grades.

Anyway, wouldn't recommend this show to anyone unless you're looking for an edgy power fantasy where characters die in gruesome ways not even five minutes after being introduced, magic type and all.

Also, can someone explain to me what does it mean to have "Natural Law" magic?

Hikikomari Kyuuketsuki no Monmon

Action, Comedy, Fantasy // ☆☆¼

After three years of becoming a total shut-in, Komari wakes up to find out she's the newest Commander in the Mulnite Imperial Army! Although she's descendant of a pretty powerful vampire family, she's rather inept when it comes to magic, even finding blood disgusting. Will her, alonside her maid, be able to make her path to success, or is failure awaiting for her around the corner?

Damn, this one took its sweet time to take off, only to crash and burn because the method was so cliché and overused.

The first three to four episodes are boring and not interesting at all, characters are bland as a wet piece of cardboard and the comedy excels at falling flat.

(Mild spoilers ahead, because I couldn't care less about this one)

And now you mean to tell me your seemlingly powerless main character is actually OP, only that under hypnosis? I didn't need to be a hound to be able to smell that crap from miles away, now did I?

But let's leave that aside to talk about Vil, A.K.A Male Gaze 101. I understand why she's attached to the protagonist, don't get me wrong, but did she need to sexually harass the protagonist or...? Also, how could I forget about the time where she almost forced Komari to pee herself in front of her!

Bro, if I were to know this was an omorashi hentai wannabe I wouldn't have given it a chance.

Anyways, if you're into any of the things I've mentioned previously, then enjoy yourself. This anime's definitely not for me.

Kamierabi

Action, Drama, Psychological, Supernatural // ☆½

A group of high schoolers see themselves forced to fight each other to death for the coveted title of God. Who will emerge victorious and claim their godly throne?

You have no right to ask that in the summary when you spoil the results in the first minutes of the first episode.

Let's be honest, if anyone is talking about this series is because Yoko Taro's name served as free promo. But did you know he's credited, not for the story, but for the concept of it? Big yikes, huh?

If you are a three-episode-rule kind of person, I assure you won't be needing that for this anime. One episode is enough torture, trust me.

The first minute is there to make sure you understand this story is different, is mature. There are no friendships, no love interests, only tons of suffering and betrayals. You know, what people back in 2011 probably went for when Mirai Nikki first aired.

Characters are not only boring as hell, but their designs are nothing to die for, heavely based on their assigned colors because you'll be forgetting their names the minute after they get introduced.

Fun fact: If you pay enough attention, you'll be able to see their phone cases' designs. Not only they look ugly, but they also spoil their so secretive abilities!

Speaking of character design, did you know the one in charge of it didn't even bother to create background character's templates? They all look like gray extraterrestrial things trying to pass as human beings, their never changing facial expressions being the cherry on top. This might be one edgy way of showing they don't matter to the main story, but it just feels super lazy. Also, this... artistic choice is just another spoiler, since everyone who has some sort of relevance has an established design. But oh well.

Fun fact: Every single one of these NPCs are gray, expect for a couple of them in episode six who are red and blue. One of them is the bad guy, can you guess who?

In summary, this show is utter trash. Wouldn't recommend unless you're as messed up as I am and like to watch crappy productions.

Kamonohashi Ron no Kindan Suiri

Drama, Mystery // ☆☆☆¾

When police office Totomaru is assigned to a serial killer case, he turns to Kamonohashi Ron for help—a once considered genius who, after a fatal mistake, got himself expelled from the top detective training academy and was forbidden to become one.

This is your classic detective show with the more normal character having to learn how to deal with the more eccentric one who's always really good at deducing. And I love it.

Yeah, it might be a copycat of other series with the same dynamics (like many other mystery anime), but they're all still dear to my heart. I just love them, man!

Every case they've introduced until now have been interesting and fun. It's been entertainting trying to think by myself what happened, who might be the culprit, how did they do it and why. As always, it's especially cool when you get close enough or, even better, when you were in the right. Serotonin kicks like those are always appreciated.

The dynamic between the protagonists is also really fun, Ron's shenanigans never getting old. Totomaru might not be having the time of his life, but I sure am!

If you're a fan of these kind of shows, then I totally recommend! If you're tired of the same scheme over and over again, maybe not so much. Would be nice if you'd give it a try, though!

Kanojo mo Kanojo Season 2

Comedy, Ecchi, Romance, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆¼

After their hot springs trip, Naoya continues his relationships with both Saki and Nagisa. Alongside Milika and Shino, they embark on a summer vacation full of romance with a fireworks festival, camping, and Okinawa. Chaos ensured.

There are not many series that touch upon polyamory which saddens me to a fault. The closest to this concept would be harem series, but a polyamorous relationship should never be a competition to see which whom does your "shared partner" choose to spend the rest of their life with.

While KanoKano isn't the best representation of this type of relationships (Saki often feeling like she's competing against Nagisa), it's not a bad series? Or, at least, not that bad. Rather decent, actually.

It's not boring, although it isn't the most entertaining series either. If I had to decide between KanoKano and any other series that touches upon polyamory (even if they do it with the tip of a stick, miles apart of the concept), I would probably go for Hamefura's canonical (albeit not in the way I would like it to be) Katarina fan club.

I just feel something's... wrong, you know. I get Naoya loves them both and that, in theory, both of them understand that, but I can't help feeling uncomfortable when Saki mentions this supposed competition the girls have (and the way they treat polyamory as "two timing" when that would imply it wasn't consensual?).

Besides that, it's a decent series to watch whenever you're bored. Not a masterpiece, but is not like it's trying to be one.

UPDATE: Rating has been lowered to ☆ as of 11/10/23. Visit the reblog section for more.

Kimi no Koto ga Dai Dai Dai Dai Daisuki na 100-nin no Kanojo

Comedy, Romance // ☆☆☆☆

Rentarou has been rejected a total of 100 times throught his entire life. Is when he visits a shrine and prays for better luck when he meets the God of Love. He reveals to Rentarou that he'll get to date 100 women in the foreseeable future. The catch is, once he meets them they must happily love each other. Otherwise, they'll die. What will be of Rentarou and his 100 girlfriends during high school?

He has arrived. The man, the legend. The harem protagonist of all harem protagonists.

Rentarou Aijou has arrived, and he's here to make you and your wife part of his loveable and excessively numerous family.

As I mentioned when talking about KanoKano, I've been looking for series that touch upon polyamory. And if you're like me, then you've just hit the jackpot!

While I'm conscious 100Kano is a parody of harem series and was never meant to be taken seriously, the way none of these girls are competing for the protagonist's exclusive love is refreshing. They're actually a pretty big family, always supportive of each other and down to give each other a hand or two (or twenty, if needed). They'll do anything they can to make their boyfriend the happiest man alive, and so will he with them.

There're no favoritisms whatsoever. Such concept as "the first one to arrive gets to win" does not exist in his agenda. In Rentarou (and every single one of his girlfriends)'s mind, everyone wins because everyone is his favorite.

An excellent series to watch by yourself or with your pals in case you're looking for something silly and easy to digest.

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto

Drama, Mystery // ☆☆☆☆¼

CW: infant death, classism, self-harm, kidnapping

Maomao lived a peaceful life with her apothecary father. Until one day, she’s sold as a lowly servant to the emperor’s palace. When rumours about imperial heirs falling ill surfaces, she puts her knowledge in medicinal herbs and poison to good use and finds a cure. It's then when she catches the eye of Jinshi, a handsome palace official who promotes her. The series follows Maomao as she solves numerous mysteries.

I can't explain just how excited I was for this one. As I said before, I love mysteries, but I also really like historical series. So when you mix both genres, you get characters who try to solve various cases with only the means they had yesterday.

Besides the art being drop dead gorgeous (alongside every single lady who makes an appearance in the story), the story is engaging and so much fun. The episodes are already a bit shorter than usual (albeit not for much, it's just me being petty), but the way everything develops makes it feel like they last no more than five minutes.

And Maomao—God Maomao! She's one of the best female main characters I've seen as of recently. She's not lacking personality—she actually has way too much, and I love that. She's so clever and capable at what she does, I bet it'd be so much fun to just stare at her as she picks different herbs or just stays still for hours, trapped in her thoughts.

I'm a sucker for good relationship dynamics and the one between Maomao and Jinshi is just *chef's kiss* exquisit. The way he's constantly trying to seduce her and she just stares at him in apathy or disgust (bonus for when she brushes off the places where he'd placed his hand on) are golden. I also love how what started as teasing and doubt about the other's true intentions morphs into genuine interest and maybe, just maybe, a tiny itty crush.

A pretty strong contestant for anime of the year, in my opinion.

Megumi no Daigo: Kyuukoku no Orange

Action, Drama // ☆☆☆½

The series follows three young firefighters who share the same goal—becoming members of the special rescue corps known as "Orange". We'll follow them from their early training days to the day they face the crisis that'll push Japan at the brink of collapsing.

I don't know about you, but I've never seen a series focused on firefighters. Yes, I know about Promare and Fire Force, but those aren't "real" firefighters, if you know what I mean.

Where's their daily life at the station, their training—just everything that comes with being one of them? I don't want flashy fight scenes against angsty twinks, I want to see people getting rescued from collapsed buildings and cats getting saved from trees.

Along with interesting characters and tense situations, all these making it difficult for you to not empatize with, Megumi no Daigo is here to bring us a peek on how the real deal is—with both the good, the bad and the ugly.

This anime is confirmed to be the prequel to a movie released in the 90's, so there's even more content in case you're interested!

Migi to Dali

Comedy, Drama, Mystery, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆

Twin brothers Migi and Dali pretend to be the Sonoyama's adoptive son, Hitori, in order to find out the truth behind their mother's death.

CW: (prepare your bingo cards) *inhales* forced non-sexual infantilization, forced partial nudity, forced non-sexual pet play, bullying, implied murder, classism, forced eating, non-sexual groping, surveillance, invasion of privacy, kidnapping and imprisonment. ~95% of these happen to a minor, so yeah.

While the main focus of the first two episodes was the comedy (it's still present in the rest of the series, just not as much), I didn't find it especially hilarious? It does give off Sakamoto vibes at times, but it never makes me laugh as much as the author's previous work did.

The mystery is still there, thought, and that's what keeps me coming back. The suspense surronding the twins' mother's passing is engaging, you genuinely want to find out what happened there and how the place where they've moved and its habitants are involved in the case.

Now, as I mentioned before this anime is disturbing and thus can be highly triggering for some. So please beware before giving it a chance.

Overtake!

Drama, Sports // ☆☆☆¾

Kouya is a professional photographer who, due to past circumstances, gave up his passion for taking pictures of people. But his fate changes the day he meets Komaki Motors, a family-run shop that regularly competes in F4 along with their only racer, Haruka.

CW: implied death (car accident)

Sports anime of the season, let's go! This time, about car racing. Never watched an anime like this one before, although I know Initial D is out there. I just haven't watched it... yet.

To be honest, I didn't expect to connect with the characters to this level. I got hooked to the story from day one and has been like that ever since.

The story is fun, the races will have you at the edge of your seat while cheering for your favorite team.

Because yes, I think the rival team can also be cheered on! Maybe their main face might not be the bestest guy, but Toshiki does deserve everything in this world and so much more.

And when it comes to the drama, it never comes out as over the top. Every single reason for them thinking, responding or acting the way they do makes total sense given their past ciscumstances.

Speaking of the characters, everyone here has enough personality to be separated from the rest: Haruka's overachieving and at times harsh demeanor makes a good contrast with Koutaro's more calm and playful behavior. And while Satsuki's charismatic, conceited and women-loving persona might be a pain for many, Toshiki serves as a good companion with his serious and ambitions being. And I could mention the adults, but I think you catch my vibe.

I so recommend this one!

Seijo no Maryoku wa Bannou desu Season 2

Fantasy, Romance, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆½

We follow Sei, an office worker in her twenties who was suddenly summoned to another world as a "Saint". Taking advantage of her natural love of plants, she started working at a medicinal plant research institute. We also get to meet Albert Hawke, with whom she's more than friends but less than lovers.

Season two arrived and I have yet to rewatch the first one, although I think it might be a little too late for that.

Don't go into it expecting a wonderful series because it is not (or, at least, it isn't for me). It's a pretty neat feel good series, but definitely nothing out of the ordinary. Just nice people living their lives.

Sei and Albert's relationship is as wholesome as always, I appreciate them taking their time and not rushing into making things official. It feels, I don't know... adult.

There's literally not much I can say about this one other than I would recommend for those who are looking for a nice and relaxing shoujo.

Shangri-La Frontier

Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Sci-Fi // ☆☆☆¾

Rakuro is a "crap-game hunter"—a strong aficionado to clearing buggy and just straight up bad titles that aren't even compatible with the now more frequently used VR technology. The game he's chosen to tackle next is the widely aclaimed "Shangri-La Frontier" that counts with thirty million players and counting. Little did he know this decision would change his fate alongside with many other players he meets along the way!

I can barely count the times I had this much fun while watching a series, and I can count even less the occasions where a gaming-inspired anime made me feel this great!

I've found myself dumbfounded so many times at just how detailed Shangri-La Frontier is. It's obvious there was research behind it, the author's a straight up legend for dedicating so much time and passion to something others would've easily disregarded as another basic, boring ass medieval-inspired MMORPG.

The level of character customization (you can even modify their origins like ‼), the many monsters you find along the way, and tons of easter eggs that players have yet to find in their entirety! It's my first time saying this when it comes to gaming-centered anime, but holy hell I wished this game existed IRL!

And honestly, I identify with Rakuro a bit too much when it comes to enjoying crap. In his case, are bad games. In mine, bad anime. I would love to have a chat with him and share our experiences and disgraces that come with this harsh hobby.

SHY

Action, Drama // ☆☆☆½

When we needed them the most, they appeared! As we were on the brink of World War Three, individuals with superpowers appeared all around the planet with the only mission to mantain peace. They would eventually become symbols of their nations, their presence being enough to lower the crime rates. Teru, most known as Shy, is Japan's heroine. When a mysterious and menacing association called Amalareiks surfaces, Shy must join forces with her fellow superheroes to stop their plans, all while dealing with her shyness and, overall, her teenage life.

CW: violence, death, self hatred, intrusive thoughts

Would it be cool to call it the more mature version of Boku no Hero Academia?

I had the manga for this series on my pending list for a while and when I saw an anime adaptation was coming out, not gonna lie, I got quite excited.

Now, I have to admit it's not one of my favorite series this season. It might be the pacing that sometimes gives me the feeling the episodes are, although just a little bit, longer than they actually are.

I love the concept and how it's executed, I really like the characters and the setting in which they're established. The drama they all have feels realistic and you can easily empathise with them. In my case, Teru's constant conflict with herself hit a little bit too close to home.

I would recommend it to those who're looking for a more mature series while also wanting to watch shounen-esque scenarios.

Sousou no Frieren

Adventure, Drama, Fantasy // ☆☆☆☆½

The adventure's over. The Demon King has successfully been defeated and thus Frieren and her fellow adventurers make their way back home. Now a highly regarded mage, she goes back to her slow-paced life only to realize years later, while attending Himmel's funeral, how short human's life expectancy is when compared with her own near inmortality. Frieren then makes the decision to begin a new adventure in the search of new absurd spells and friends alongside whom she expects to understand what life means to them and just how impactful can be what she perceives as nothing more than an instant.

CW: death, grief, mild violence

Oh Lord, this one's painful. I've no idea how they managed to do it, but they got me attached to the hero's party so quickly and so deeply this crap had already scarred me on episode one.

This story's gorgeous, I don't think I have to explain myself on that. Besides the more than stunning art, animation and music that acompannies us during the entirety of Frieren's self-discovery adventure, the slow pace and quiet moments are quite the delight.

The characters we meet along the way are also fantastic, written with such love, thought and care behind you'll fall for them in no time.

I truly don't want to talk much about it since I think this is an experience that one must live for themselves, but trust me when I tell you this is something you'll never forget.

SPY×FAMILY Season 2

Action, Comedy, Slice of Life, Supernatural // ☆☆☆☆

The same as season one, only that now the family's heading on a cruise ship expedition!

I don't think there's much I can say about this one? The second season's been giving the same vibes I got from the first one, so a wholesome, found family-centered comedic slice of life about three persons who don't know each other at all and do their best so that situation never changes.

Anya keeps on being the chaotic menace she has been from day one, Yor is still one of the best mothers ever alongside a woman I would never dare look for a fight against, and Loid keeps on repeating his more than iconic mantra as he unsuspectingly falls asleep while dreaming about certain woman surrounded by a zillion flowers.

But, you know, anything for the mission.

When it comes to the upcoming arc, I'm excited for seeing Yor at work! Been dying to get anything like this, and I'm so glad my prayers have been heard.

Undead Unluck

Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi, Supernatural // ☆☆☆¾

All Fuuko wants is a passionate romance like the one in her favorite shoujo manga. Sadly, her Unluck ability deems this dream impossible. But that anguish will have to wait because Andy, someone with the Undead ability, takes her as his test subject to see if, thanks to her misfortune, he can finally rest in peace. It seems peace has never been an option, though, because certain secret organization has begun chasing after them.

CW: not-quite-concenting groping

If I took my sweet time to start watching this series was mainly because, for some hell of a reason, it gave me big Mashle vibes. Don't ask, I just thought the comedy would be similar. And since my humble opinion on Harry Potter 2.0 is that it has its humour stuck up its ass, you might understand I gave an olympic jump over Undead Unluck.

But then I decided to give it a chance and man, Mashle would never!

Not the funniest series I've watched, but I appreciate the multiple laughs it gave me.

Now, what I do not appreciate are the various groping scenes. If Fuuko were to consent all of those, then cool. Who am I to judge whatever two consenting adults (Fuuko's 20+, right?) do with their lives and bodies? The thing is, not every groping is consented by her, especially at the beggining. So yeah, beware of that.

Putting that aside, the characters are pretty cool and so much fun to see fighting or just interacting with each other. The ability system the series has is rather interesting, would love to learn more about it.

Watashi no Oshi wa Akuyaku Reijou

Comedy, Fantasy, Romance // ☆☆☆½

We've heard this story before: girl reincarnates into her favorite otome game and, since she knows her way down every route, she gets to win over her favorite bachelor. Only that, this time, it might not be as predictable. After all, who knows what's truly inside Rae Taylor's mind? Claire François for sure doesn't, especially now that she's going after her—the game's villainess!

CW: discussions of homophobia, classism, rae can be creepy at times

In the words of @arataka-reigen, “This anime is like if Maria from Hamefura was the one who got isekai'd and then fell in love with OG Katarina”. Couldn't say it better, pal.

While this series is not one of my favorites this season, the characters not going right down my alley and the pacing not being the best, I truly appreciate the cafeteria scene. I've never seen such a discussion over diverse sexualities adn homophobia in an anime before, and I can only clap to that.

And not only that, but it seems like it's going down a rather... interesting path. I mean, the whole classism that's present during the series, the "commoner" students' complains, the game's title being "Revolution"... I smell something nice.

Yuzuki-san Chi no Yon Kyoudai

Comedy, Drama, Slice of life // ☆☆☆¾

From the day the Yuzuki brothers lost both their parents, Hayato never stopped taking care of his little siblings, making sure all their needs are met and nothing's lacking. They share tears, laughter, and a specially unbreakeable bond.

I've no idea what might be the reason, but all these stories about family (whether related by blood or not being quite irrelevant) alongside the others where they include and/or center around pets are my weakness.

The four brothers feel like actual humans beings, their dramatic and joyful moments in life will definitely take you for a ride althought, admitely, it might not be the most intense one.

Hayato would do literally anything for his family and, honestly, same. Both Mikoto, Minato, and Gakuto are downright adorable and would love to pinch every single one of those cheeks like there's no tomorrow.

If a cutsie family-center slice of life it's what you're looking for, look no further. But if what you want is a drama in general, then I would recommend Frieren first.

If you reached the end, thank you so much for reading! I literally stayed up til 2 AM to finish writing this (and I didn't even include the titles I dropped), so yeah. Highly appreciate!

[stemms]

Hello, guys. I’m sorry for being inactive in terms of original content lately, but I’m back, and right now I would like to give you an important update.

I’d briefly mentioned my abusive familial situation in the past, but I never really went into details. However, I’d like to share more context now, as it is directly related to the reason for my sudden disappearance.

I’ve been trapped in an abusive situation for the past seven years, and the longer I stayed in this household, the worse it became. While the abuse was mostly psychological, it escalated to the point where one of my abusers nearly choked me to death. I will elaborate on that incident after giving you some context.

My abusers are my mother and stepfather, with the latter causing me more harm. He tends to always blame me for everything, invent more and more nonsensical rules for me to follow (and randomly abandoning some, only to come up with something else) and get mad if I don’t learn them by heart the moment he introduces them (which happens because of my horrible memory that his abuse worsened). He always expected me to reach out to him if I needed emotional support, but when I was actually struggling mentally, he either preferred to ignore it or cut off the internet because “it was obviously the reason”. Additionally, he’d always get mad at me over the stupidest things ever and use it as an excuse to yell at me for 2 hours. Also, fun fact: some of my top posts are heavily inspired by something he did to me (: (: (: My mother isn’t better because she watched every single time he was abusing me, but never really tried to stop him. Yet, when I tried to confront her about his behaviour and explain that this is literal abuse, she’d gaslight me into thinking it’s normal, and it could’ve been worse, so I’m lucky and he “has good intentions anyway”. She’s also extremely controlling, manipulative, and obsessed with the idea of moulding me into the person she never got to be, as well as always keeping me around.

Since I’ve been dealing with this kind of behaviour for so long, my mental health seriously deteriorated. My hands are always shaky, I flinch whenever my stepfather enters the room, I tremble if he comes too close, I flinch if he touches me, I’m horrified of maintaining eye contact with him, I’m always in the fight or flight mode, I overanalyse his behaviour and always make sure to do anything I can (even if it's humiliating) to ensure that he doesn't hurt me again. Recently, I started going to therapy and taking medication, and it's been very helpful so far.

Although things weren’t perfect already, I didn’t expect my life to be threatened. A while ago, I was having an argument with my transphobic mother about my identity, and after it was over, we had dinner. During the argument, my stepfather wasn’t home, so he was unaware of it, but he noticed the tense atmosphere, and it infuriated him to the point where he went to the kitchen to do the dishes instead of eating with us. I had a feeling that he thought it was my fault, so I followed him to reassure him that my mother’s state wasn’t his fault, and it was just a small argument between us (which was literally true), but he started shouting at me because he assumed I was accusing him of something???? I tried to reassure him some more, and then he lashed out at me and said lots of transphobic shit. After that, he grabbed me, pushed me to the floor and got on top of me, pressing me harder and harder to the floor, started choking me so hard that I could barely breathe, so I bit him, and he continued to choke me and pull my hair. I messaged my English Literature teacher and she called the police. We were interrogated and although my mom told me to downplay it, I was too scared to do so and told them everything, plus showed them the pictures of my bruises.

After that, I couldn’t look at any c!Prime content for a while because it suddenly felt triggering, so I just needed to take a break from my blog and work on my mental health for a while. But right now, I'm doing better and I’m feeling more comfortable about c!Prime again, so I should be able to make more content soon. I must admit, I'm not that hyperfixated on it at the moment, but I’m definitely going to do more c!Prime content soon because these freaks are too fun :)

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

'We don't want to know about abused men': Inside the hidden world of male victims

By: Ari David Blaff

Published: Nov 7, 2024

A residence in north Toronto in one of the rare places in Canada where abused men and fathers with children can find emergency shelter

Matt feared his wife was going to kill him. He had seen violent streaks before. Once, when he accused her of infidelities, Matt said she pulled a knife and “put it (at) my throat.”

Fleeing wasn’t an option because they had young children. He felt stuck without a safe refuge where he could take them. “As long as I had my kids, that’s all I cared about,” Matt said.

He expected the police wouldn’t take him seriously: a six-foot-tall Caribbean man scared of his wife. “If anything happens and she calls the cops, they’re going to come straight at me,” he told the National Post, requesting anonymity to protect his children.

A subsequent fight over cheating led to a similar violent encounter. Again, his partner allegedly threatened him with a knife and “said she’s gonna kill me,” according to Matt. Again, he refrained from calling the police, instead phoning a family member to tell them about the situation. The alarmed family member called the cops.

When the police arrived on the scene, Matt said he was asked to leave the premises. “The conversation went from ‘what happened?’ to ‘what did you do?’ really quick,” he said. It wasn’t until Matt, under police escort, went back into his house to get some belongings that the officers started to take his story seriously. His wife lost it, Matt said, verbally attacking him in their presence.

“I heard the police officer under his breath say, ‘Oh shit, that really happened,’” Matt said. A female police officer escorting Matt away from their house acknowledged his options were limited, but she had a suggestion for him of a safe haven in Toronto where he could stay temporarily with his kids.

“There isn’t a lot of help for men in situations like these but give this place a try. It might help you out,” he recalled her saying.

Down a stretch of York University’s student ghetto in the northern part of Toronto sits a non-descript, three-storey, red-brick townhouse that is a national treasure of sorts. It is one of the rare places in Canada where abused men and fathers with children can find emergency shelter.

“We’re the only game in town as far as family violence for fathers and children,” said Justin Trottier, who oversees the Family Shelter for Abused Men and Children. Opened during the height of the pandemic in March 2021, the shelter is an effort more than seven years in the making by Trottier and the Canadian Centre for Men and Families (CCMF).

The non-profit men’s centre has offered counselling and mental health services for male victims of abuse and violence —“filling critical gaps in men’s services” — since 2014. But the outpouring of demand for an emergency shelter pushed them to open an actual residence.

[ ‘The demand’s always been high,’ said Justin Trottier, executive director of the Family Shelter for Abused Men and Children in north Toronto, part of the non-profit Canadian Centre for Men and Families. The emergency shelter residence opened in March 2021 at the height of the pandemic. ]

“We would get calls for years before we opened and that’s what lit the fire under us to open a shelter. The demand’s always been high,” Trottier said.

There are nearly 600 shelters across Canada for victims of domestic abuse and intimate partner violence (IPV), but only four per cent of them serve men. More than two-thirds of the shelters (68 per cent) are mandated to serve women and their children, while an additional 11 per cent serve women only. According to Statistics Canada, of the approximately 24 emergency abuse shelters in 2021-22 that opened their doors to men, virtually all of them also served women. More than 99 per cent of the 46,827 residents of domestic abuse shelters in 2021-22 were women and their children.

For male victims of domestic abuse, that leaves a smattering of dots on a vast map of Canada where they might find safety. Even rarer are places where abused fathers can bring their children.

Most people are aware of the tragic consequences for women of intimate partner violence. In June, Carly Stannard-Walsh and her two children, Madison and Hunter, were shot dead in a murder-suicide in Harrow, Ont. They were killed by Carly’s husband and the children’s father, Steven Walsh.

In the five years between 2014 to 2019, police-reported data showed 80 per cent of the 500 Canadian lives lost to domestic violence were women — 400 mothers, sisters, daughters and girlfriends killed by people in their lives. Overall, in 2019, women were the victims of 79 per cent of police-reported criminal incidents of intimate partner violence.

But what is less well-known is that men are also victims of domestic abuse and intimate partner violence, including physical abuse, sexual and psychological abuse. The numbers don’t show up in police reports because, like Matt, men are less likely to call police.

Matt was one of the dads who turned up at Trottier’s doorstep with nowhere else to go. He thought about going to a motel but couldn’t afford it long-term. He also considered returning to his family in New York, but that would be too difficult with his kids. One shelter offered him a bed, but said no to the children, which meant they would be left with their mother.

About 90 per cent of residents at the Toronto emergency shelter are “male survivors of family violence and their children,” Trottier told the Post. But they also open their doors to male refugees, those suffering mental health issues and boys alienated from their families. “There is no hard rule against men in other situations,” he said.

Residents are offered a range of support, what Trottier likes to call “wraparound services,” from providing clothing and food, to emergency trauma counselling, mental health therapy, peer support and mentoring, fathering classes and legal aid. Stays are capped at 90 days. Trottier said the waitlist frequently balloons between four weeks and two months.

The majority of CCMF’s operating funds come from private contributions and institutional donations. The federal government does not provide any money, nor do most provincial governments. Alberta is one of the rare exceptions; the province gave CCMF just over $9,000 last year to help create a domestic abuse program.

On a recent visit, the shelter is a hive of activity. There are intake workers and mental health counsellors mixed in among the residents. Trottier is there most days, too, as well as graduate students in social work from neighbouring York University.

Many residents have day jobs, so they are coming and going. An observer arriving at the shelter just before lunch on a weekday, finds no kids in sight. Trottier said that children accompanying their fathers usually stick to the routines they had prior to arriving — going to daycare, babysitters and school.

From the outside, the shelter looks like any other townhouse, aside from the abundance of security cameras and signs calling for doors to be locked at all times. A rooftop patio offers panoramic views of the sprawling suburbia. But the overall aesthetic at the shelter is reminiscent of college dorms or cheap first apartments — drab-coloured walls, donated second-hand furniture. A massive kitchen has floor-to-ceiling cupboards stocked with personally labelled food. Residents buy their own groceries and cook their own meals.

[ A former resident sits in the modest library at the Family Shelter for Abused Men and Children in north Toronto. Stays are capped at 90 days. ]

The shelter can host up to two dozen people or 10 families “depending on size,” Trottier said. With the help of bunk beds, some rooms on the second floor are big enough for a father and three children. There is a kid’s room full of toys, a library and meeting space that can be converted into a bedroom, laundry facilities, even a small backyard.

A small network across Quebec, Maison Oxygène — Oxygen House — fills a similar gap in providing emergency accommodation for fathers and their children but does not position itself as a domestic abuse shelter. The non-profit is funded exclusively by donations and has faced chronic financial pains.

Outside of these options for male victims of intimate partner violence and their children, there aren’t many others, Trottier said.

* * *

Intimate partner violence, also known as spousal abuse or domestic violence, has been identified by the World Health Organization as a major global public health concern, impacting millions of people of all genders, ages, socioeconomic, racial, religious and cultural backgrounds. It can range from emotional and financial abuse to physical and sexual assault. It can happen within a marriage or dating relationship, whether or not partners live together or are sexually intimate, and after the relationship has ended. It can occur in public and private spaces, as well as online.

And it can happen regardless of gender. Self-reported data through surveys, questionnaires and the like, show the less publicized, much broader picture of male victims of intimate partner violence.

In Canada in 2018, self-reported statistics on abuse from StatsCan showed that 23 per cent of women experienced some form of abuse compared to 17 per cent of men. Forty-four per cent of women reported sexual abuse compared to 36 per cent of men, with similar comparisons for psychological abuse.

And though women are seven times more likely than men to be killed by their partners, men are not absent from those harsh victim statistics. In 2021, men comprised nearly a quarter (24 per cent) of 90 intimate partner homicides. National media often overlook stories such as Blake Bibby, a 36-year-old Newmarket, Ont. man fatally stabbed by his ex-girlfriend in July.

“Spousal homicide is not a good measure of domestic abuse because it is so rare,” said Don Dutton, a University of British Columbia psychology professor who has been studying the domestic violence issue for decades and has authored several books on the subject, including Rethinking Domestic Violence.

Dutton spent part of his early career in the ‘70s as a court-mandated counsellor working with men accused of abusing their wives. Over the decades, he began to see domestic violence as more of a two-way street with female abusers often overlooked in academic and legal circles.

Dutton said there’s an obvious explanation for the chasm between official police data that shows females as the primary victims of domestic abuse, and the self-reported data that suggest the ratio of abuse between the sexes is closer than most think: Men are often too self-conscious to come forward to police.

He found that men report domestic abuse to police at a tenth of the rate as women and that their reports are not taken as seriously by law enforcement.

Erin Pizzey had a similar wake-up call during her work as a pioneering force behind the emergency shelter movement in the United Kingdom back in the ‘70s. Her work set off a chain reaction as she spearheaded the creation of spaces for women escaping abusive partners to get back on their feet.

Within four years of opening her first shelter in 1971, more than two dozen similar initiatives had sprung up across the U.K. with more in the pipeline. “She single-handedly did as much for the cause of women as any other woman alive,” one British journalist reflected in 1997.

However, Pizzey grew disillusioned with the movement and what she viewed as the mainstreaming of men-bashing among activists. Her work on the frontiers of domestic abuse changed her view of domestic violence: Men were not solely perpetrators of violence, but also victims of abuse. True equality meant helping both sexes in need.

“I was the one who was saying, ‘Hey, hang on, this is not a gender issue. Men are equally in need of refuge; men are equally in need of social services,’” Pizzey, now 85, told the National Post over Zoom from her home in London.

“Apart from those of us who work in the field of domestic violence and dysfunction, we have been brainwashed into believing that all men are potential abusers. So, no, I don’t believe that there is much understanding or interest in male suffering or abuse,” Pizzey said.

Other academics and professionals in the field of social services have arrived at similar conclusions.

Elizabeth Bates, a specialist in the topic at Cumbria University in the United Kingdom, said in an email to the National Post that the perception one draws about domestic abuse is heavily influenced by the dataset one picks. Whereas police reports show a “large majority of perpetrators being male and victims being female,” survey data from government officials in England and Wales show “that for every three victims of domestic abuse, one is male and two are female,” she said.

In the academic literature, which typically relies on “self-reported data,” Bates said the ratio of female to male victims is closer to a 50-50 split. “There are a number of reasons for this difference, but one of the main ones, I think, are around the barriers faced in reporting victimization,” Bates said.

“There are barriers for any victim” Bates continued. “But I think for men, the stigma and stereotypes are still very prominent, and it prevents men from being able to disclose and so be included within those statistics.”

Alexandra Lysova, a criminology professor at Simon Fraser University, told the National Post that Canada’s federally commissioned General Social Survey (GSS) victimization survey in 2019 also found “very, very close” ratios between female and male victims of intimate partner violence, both when it comes to psychological and physical abuse.

Such findings should encourage the public to move beyond stereotypes of domestic abuse that depict men exclusively as abusers, said Lysova, because a vast swath of society is being deprived of much-needed social services. “What we see is that the tip of this iceberg, and the whole large part of intimate partner violence is underwater, not known to the police,” Lysova said.

“I have this conversation so many times: ‘Oh, it’s happening more by men to women.’ But no, that’s not accurate. What is accurate is that more women are reporting than men, and more women are reporting when the perpetrator is a man compared to when the man is abused by a woman,” said Phil Mitchell, a British counsellor specializing in male abuse victims.

When asked about the differences between men and women when it comes to reported incidents of domestic violence, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police directed the National Post’s request for comment to the Toronto Police Service. While the RCMP “absolutely investigates cases of domestic violence,” an RCMP spokesperson explained to the National Post by email, the matter is mostly dealt with “at the divisional (provincial) level.”

“TPS can only speak on intimate partner violence occurrences that are reported to us, recognizing that not every incident of IPV is reported to police. Reported incidents are thoroughly investigated by officers with specialized training,” Stephanie Sayer, a TPS spokesperson wrote in an email to the National Post.

“While women account for the vast majority of people who experience IPV, this issue affects individuals of all genders, ages, races, socioeconomic statuses, ethnicities, religions, educational levels, and cultural backgrounds. We encourage anyone experiencing IPV to report it to the police, regardless of gender, and to seek help from available support services in Toronto,” Sayer continued.

* * *

The Toronto shelter serves a crucial role helping male victims of abuse, including fathers and their kids, caught in the social services gap.

Peter, who asked that his name be changed for privacy reasons, was in his thirties when the fallout from a bad marriage “caused me to lose my job, my house and pretty much extinguished my family.” He turned to his extended Jamaican family in Toronto, but the situation grew intolerable. He was living with an alcoholic uncle in an uninsulated garage.

“He wanted to, I guess, take his rage out on me,” Peter said, recalling the incident which finally brought him to the shelter. When he wasn’t paying attention, Peter’s uncle punched him in the mouth.

“I wasn’t gonna do that (anymore). It was a common occurrence,” Peter continued as he spoke outside his basement room at the shelter. “I’ve seen things happen. I’ve heard of people accidentally getting hit the wrong way. I don’t want to be one of those people.

“I was desperate, you know. I was kind of skeptical about even coming… I thought, a big warehouse, cots everywhere,” Peter said. “I called this place, and they told me it was nothing like that.”

[ A former resident of the Family Shelter for Abused Men and Children. The shelter can house up to two dozen people or 10 families. About 90 per cent of the residents are male survivors of family violence and their children. ]

His time at the shelter has given him breathing room to contemplate his next steps. “As much as I like the people here, I don’t want to be here with them. Sorry guys! I hope you guys don’t want me here,” he teased as another resident, Malik, stood nearby. “I’m just gonna rebuild my life.”

Malik arrived in Canada from Japan via Sri Lanka with two children and a rocky marriage in tow. Within two months of arriving, his wife left with the kids and falsely accused him of abuse, he claims. Forced to find a new place to live in the middle of the pandemic, Malik found a bedroom in a shared apartment.

Then the roommate began showing signs of “severe mental breakdown,” he said. The roommate tried to attack Malik last Christmas. “I got the hell out,” he said, as he sat on his bed in the shelter.

A friend picked him up and he got connected with a central intake system that directed him to the shelter. There was nearly a three-week waitlist. When he was finally able to check in, “it was a huge relief. Like, finally, I was breathing after two years,” he said, smiling.

Malik recalled the first thing he did when he got settled in the shelter: “I just slept for a couple of days. I was so tired of two years of nonstop stress.” He sees his kids on weekends, taking them to the shelter, a privilege he would not have in a typical homeless or temporary housing facility.

* * *

The Toronto shelter wasn’t the first to offer a safe haven for abused Canadian men. In the 1990s, Earl Silverman trudged across Calgary fleeing a violent wife. He desperately searched for a place to get back on his feet, but whenever Silverman tried to check himself into a domestic abuse shelter, he was turned away and encouraged to seek counselling instead.

“When I went into the community looking for some support services, I couldn’t find any. There were a lot for women, and the only programs for men were for anger management. As a victim, I was re-victimized by having these services telling me I wasn’t a victim, but I was a perpetrator,” Silverman told the National Post in 2013.

He became an advocate for male victims of spousal abuse. Silverman created the Men’s Alternative Safe House, the first and only refuge in Canada at that time for male victims of domestic abuse. At its peak, the facility housed just over a dozen men and a handful of children, funded mostly through private donations but also from Silverman’s own pocket. He’d turned to the government for help but was turned away.

“Family violence has gone from a social issue to only a woman’s issue. So, any support for men is interpreted as being against women,” he told an Alberta media outlet at the time.

The battle for recognition and acceptance took its toll on Silverman. He’d fought his share of demons and trauma over the years, often falling into bouts of alcoholism. The project gave him new meaning and purpose — until the bills began piling up and he struggled to keep the door open. The finances eventually became unsustainable, and he was forced to sell his house.

Silverman was discovered soon after his 2013 National Post interview by the new owner touring the property, hanging in the garage. A four-page suicide note blamed the government for ignoring the plight of men.

* * *

Trottier seems on the surface an unlikely successor to pick up Silverman’s torch, a legacy he will make good on with the opening of a second men’s shelter in Calgary this month – more than a decade after Silverman’s closed.j

At 41, his life is dotted with seemingly disconnected initiatives. Throughout his twenties and thirties, he founded a secular organization and argued before the Supreme Court against public prayers in Quebec government meetings. He commissioned atheist bus advertisements and ran as Green Party MPP in the Toronto Parkdale-High Park riding. He lost the race but was on the right side of the Supreme Court ruling.

“I tend to gravitate to those underexplored issues that have the combination of being really critically important and yet, mysteriously, nobody’s doing anything about it. If there’s any kind of common thread that ties together all the otherwise eclectic interests that I have, I think that’s it,” he said.

A decade ago, Trottier stumbled upon men’s issues. “It’s very obvious to me anyway that these are life and death issues. I mean suicide prevention, parental alienation, workplace fatalities, homelessness, drug addiction — these things that disproportionately affect boys and men. And nobody notices that. So that really intrigued me and also frustrated me.”

The media attention Trottier previously got evaporated when he began talking about struggling men. “Mostly the media doesn’t even think this is a legitimate thing. They’re just very used to covering gender issues in a certain way and they deem the conversation to be complete when you tackle it from one, I would say, ideological perspective. There’s not a lot of appetite for more well-rounded conversation, to see things from a more … comprehensive picture.”

[ The Family Shelter for Abused Men and Children relies on the help of graduate students in social work from nearby York University. ]

Matt, Peter, Malik and others have also touched the lives of the student social workers-volunteers from York University who play a vital role keeping the shelter running on its meagre funding. “It provided me inside information on the gaps that are in the system for men who are experiencing abuse and the lack of services that are not being provided,” said Thelcia Williams, a grad student volunteer.

“It also highlighted the stigmas and the sexist and gender biases that are incorporated within the field as well, where, you know, a lot of people don’t believe that there should be a shelter for men who are experiencing abuse,” she continued.

“A lot of people don’t believe men experience abuse, right? They just believe it’s women and children but, in fact, there is a demographic of men who are experiencing abuse. That needs to be addressed.”

Justin Anger, another social work grad student from York, said he also “didn’t realize how big of an issue domestic violence for men was until I came here.” Working firsthand with male survivors has changed the way Anger now looks at his coursework. “Even in some courses I’ve taken, whenever we speak about domestic violence, it’s (about) women,” he said. “It definitely shifted my perspective.”

Men as victims is an uncomfortable reality to acknowledge, even for men themselves.

“We don’t want to know about abused men,” Janice Fiamengo, a professor at the University of Ottawa and an outspoken supporter of men’s issues, wrote in an email to the National Post. “We turn our eyes away. And we definitely do not want to know about abusive women.”

Worse still, such men are often politically and socially homeless, with few advocates willing to take on their cause. “Male victims of abuse are caught between the progressive left, which doesn’t believe men can be victims because they have power, and the chivalric right, which tells men to man up and protect women,” Fiamengo added.

Matt is painfully familiar with this tension. “When you’re strong, when you look strong, people don’t even stop to ask you if you’re OK.”

[sissytobitch10seconds]

I Am Punishment

Fandom: EPIC! The Musical Summary: Calypso was dreadfully afraid that she was going to end up alone again, but now that her new companion has arrived on her island she is beginning to wish for the crushing solitude that she had before. Warnings: Graphic depictions of rape/sexual assault, mentions of suicidal ideation, abuse, and psychological warfare Word Count: 5,949 Ship(s): Calypso/Antinuous

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A/N: As I said in the tags, I don't think that Calypso slept with Odysseus given the way that Jorge has treated the other assault implications in EPIC! It's almost an insult to him to imply that he wouldn't take assault from a woman to a man as seriously as assault from a man to a woman, so I'm using that and the actual content of the songs as context to say that Calypso had a very childish idea of what 'husband and wife' meant. That being said, Antinuous has been confirmed to be a massive fucking creep very willing to hurt women and is going to do so here. Please don't argue with me about my takes, just use the back button and leave me alone. This is my own fic and I'm allowed to write what I want without the systematic racism-based headcanons of the rest of the fandom. If you are still here and interested in reading: welcome! This is a very serious fic based off my own experiences, so please protect your own mental health and leave if you need to. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

The days since Odysseus had left dragged on and on.

Things had changed so much for her since the gods had sent him to her. She was able to talk to someone that could talk back to her, even if most of that talk had been him telling her to let him be or grieving the loss of her crew. She had been patient with him during the beginning couple of years since she knew what it was like to lose someone very important, she had lost her father and most of her friends during the Titan War, after all. It had begun to wear on her a little bit when they reached the fourth year with him still refusing to believe that the island would not let either of them leave.

She had watched him make rafts and boats, spending hours agonizing about how to wet the wood in such a way that he could get it to curve and make a bow and a stern without it taking on any rot. She had helped him a couple of times, only to be accused of being the one to break it when he had woken up in the morning to find it broken into pieces or setting out to sea without him in it.

Calypso was fully aware of the fact that Odysseus hated her for something that she couldn’t change. She had told him when he had first woken up that her island remained unknown and that no one could come or leave from it, but he hadn’t listened to her. Apparently the only words that he had heard was when she had told him that they were going to be able to sleep beside each other. 

Odysseus had later told her what he thought that she had been implying and it had made her face so hot that she was sure it would turn into the next sun. Apparently, she had referred to him in terms that only a husband and wife said to each other. She hadn’t known that as it was what the sun said to the sky when they were passing over each other, in the words that whispered through the wind and the moving of clouds. He had assumed, because of that, that her words had meant they were going to be sexually intimate with each other. 

She hadn’t meant that in the slightest, of course. She was just happy to have another body that wouldn’t wriggle away and scamper into the night when bored. She loved the rabbits and squirrels and wolves and wild cats that lived on her island, but they weren’t very good for keeping her warm when she was cuddled up in the cave that she had turned into her home. Calypso had been trying to tell him that they could keep each other warm, but he had taken it as her trying to push him to be unfaithful with his wife.

Their entire relationship had been based off of something akin to that. She would tell him something about the island that she didn’t have the power to change or control, and he would decide that it was her doing to hurt him. She knew that he had been through a lot when it came to the gods, but it still hurt her deeply.

Calypso’s solution to that had been to dump all of her love and care into him. She made sure that his baths were warm and full of rose petals so that he felt luxurious and kingly as he should. She would brush his hair and trim his beard so that he looked like someone that would stand atop a palace in front of all his subjects. She made sure that he had good food to eat, learning how to cook the animals that he hunted and killed despite the way that it broke her to know that she was eating one of her few companions on Ogygia.

She got nothing back in return. Odysseus had harsh words for her and scared the ever living life out of her when he found his way up to the highest cliff on the island. She was able to bring him back down to the cave, which she had sacrificed for him so that he could have some privacy after he expressed a desire for it.

Not long after that, she had gotten one of the first visits that she had ever had on her island. The God Hermes had come down to tell her that Odysseus was being permitted off the island so that he could return home to his kingdom and be with the people that needed him most. He had at least had a good word for her, a single sentence of praise about how well she had maintained him while he was there.

She had come down the next morning when he had woken and told him that his boat would finally resist the curse on her island to break. She let all her feelings out after that and informed him how much it had hurt her that he spurned her affections so much. He told her that he loved her, but not in the way that he had wanted her to.

Calypso had spent much of the rest of that day weeping while treasuring the bits of himself that he had left behind, like the way that he kept track of the days that passed while he remained with her and the traps that he had put up on the wall of her cave. She knew that the intimacy that she desired was supposedly reserved for married couples, but she wasn’t sure what marriage would actually mean for a goddess such as her. She wished for someone to hold her when it was cold, for someone to kiss the top of her head and pet her hair when she had a nightmare, and for someone to care for him as she had for them.

She had already resigned herself to the idea that it would never come when she saw another person washed up on her isle.

She thought that perhaps her luck was changing for the first time since she had been cursed to live on the island all on her own. She rushed down the beach so that she could see who it was and when she rolled him over, she was exposed to another half drowned sailor. 

He had dark hair that was twisted into tight locs on her head, something that she had done herself when she was a younger woman. His skin was a shade or two darker than her own, and his face was angular in a way that was very unlike Odysseus or Hermes. He had a slash on the bottom part of his chin that led all the way up to his nose, but it had the texture of a scar instead of a wound that may open up again. His clothing was a chiton, but it was a darker color that what Odysseus had been wearing when he arrived. It was drenched in blood on one side, which was coming from a now sand-packed wound on his side.

Calypso carefully placed his arm around her neck and then stood so that she could carry him back towards her cave. She busied herself by getting clean spring water so that she could get the sand and muck out of the cut, then stitching it back together with one of the finest needles and string that she was able to find. She bandaged it like Odyssues had shown her how when she had badly hurt herself while learning how to butcher rabbits.

She hummed to herself as she worked around the cave, getting all the pieces of Odysseus put away so that the new companion she had acquired would be able to figure everything out on his own. Her last had seemed to enjoy that aspect of Ogygia quite a lot, and she wouldn't want to make this new man upset with her as she had Odysseus.

She noticed that the man began to wake up after the second day that he had been on her island. She finished getting his serving of broth ready and then walked over to him, sitting down beside him on the bed that she hadn’t slept on in years. “Good morning, sir,” she said chipperly.

“Where am I?” the man asked. He pushed himself up with a small grunt and then looked around him, confused. 

“You’re on my island! This place is called Ogygia, it is hidden from all that set out to come here other than the gods themselves. No one can come or go, which means that we will be totally alone. I apologize if this leaves a wife or a child behind, I know that can be upsetting to mortals such as yourself,” she said. She was trying to cover more ground than she had before.

“I don’t have a wife. I was a suitor but the bitch would never accept any of us. Gods know that I was better than half of those fucks and that water soaked begger that showed up and tried to kill me at the end of it all. I waited twenty years for that tramp to open up her legs to me and she was too much of a prude to even let me have a good time,” the man scoffed.

“I’m sorry that she didn’t let you all play and have fun,” Calypso said, frowning. She knew what it was like to be stopped from doing what they wanted to do, but he was being so grouchy about it. She wasn’t sure that she was going to like this man any more than she had liked Odysseus in the beginning. She had loved him because he was a person that could talk to him, but his personality had left a lot to be desired. 

“I made you something to eat,” she then remembered the warm bowl of broth in her hands. She passed it over to him and fidgeted on the bed.

He had noticed her movements and looked her up and down with a judgemental expression that made her way to shrink into herself. It felt like when the gods had looked at her while trying to figure out what to do with her. She had only been a couple dozen years old at that point, barely more than a child in the terms of their immortal lives. Calypso reminded herself that this was her island, even if it was also her prison, and he couldn’t make her feel small the way that they had.

“Spit whatever you have rattling around in that empty head out, wench,” he growled. He tossed his head back as he downed the broth that she had made him, some of it dribbling down out of the corners of his mouth and onto his chiton. She had made him a new one in the days that he had been sleeping, but he was already staining it anew.

“Would you tell me your name?” she asked hopefully.

“Antinous,” he replied shortly. “What are you?”

“I am the goddess Calypso! Ruler of the island of Ogygia,” she grinned. She rose from the bed and spun around in a circle as she played with some of her magic. It danced along the walls and caused beautiful, tropical flowers to bloom around the crevices of the cave so that even more color painted the walls and floor.

Antinous looked her over in a way that made her stomach flip nervously. She wasn’t sure if she liked this man or not, but she knew that she had to behave herself in a certain way or the gods would take him away and he would hate her again. It hurt so badly to be hated by someone that she loved so entirely and wholly.

“I suppose that you’re not bad. You don’t look as beautiful as Queen Penelope of Ithaca did, but a goddess is better than a simple queen,” the man said. He placed the empty bowl down next to him on the bed, not caring that the few remaining drips of broth were soaking into the material of the blankets that she had worked so hard to weave.

She took a step back towards the exit as he continued to advance on her. She had seen the way that Odysseus walked towards the prey that he had captured in some of the traps or the ones that he had cornered in between a grove of trees. The way that Antinous was advancing on her felt very much like that, and it made her so uncomfortable.

“What are you doing?” she asked. She didn’t want to be cowed down into being nothing again. If the gods were going to give her the gift of companionship then she was going to work with it instead of trying to let it wash over her like the waves.

“I’m taking what’s owed to me. That fucker stole it from me right when I was about to get it back in Ithaca, but I know that I can take you. You’re just a slip of a thing, can’t even fight back against me,” Antinous chuckled darkly.

He reached one of his hands out and then wrapped it around his wrist. He had been right about her being dainty compared to him, one of his hands wrapped entirely around her wrist and the force that he was using to hold her steady was grinding the bones together painfully. “Let me go!” Calypso said.

“Nah, I don’t think so. Didn’t you say that we were going to be each other’s everything? Come back to bed with me,” he said as he yanked her backwards towards the bed.

She knew that she had wanted that, she wanted to sleep beside someone and feel their warmth against her body as she had with her mother when she was still permitted to be near her. This felt different somehow, and even after she began to comply she could feel the panic seeping through her very veins. She followed Antinous to the bed so that she was sitting on the edge of it once more, then laying once he tugged her wrist closer to the opposite side of his body.

“There we go, little thing,” he cooed at her. He leaned over so that he was sideways against her, but then he kept moving. He flung one of his legs over the top of her so that her hips were pinned down entirely. 

“What are you doing? This is not what I wanted,” Calypso whispered. She wiggled underneath him as she tried to get away, to the other side of the bed so that she could sleep beside him as she had wanted.

“I already told you, you stupid bitch. I’m taking what’s mine,” Antinous snarled. He leaned down and began to press open mouth kisses to the dark flesh of her breastbone and neck. When he reached her cleavage, the kisses turned into bites as he worked to mar her flesh.

She wondered if Odysseus had felt this way when she had referred to him as her own. She had simply meant it in the terms of the fact that he was her mortal, the way that all gods had chosen mortals that they cared for and worked to help further the agenda of. The way that Antinous was using those words made her feel as though she wasn’t even a person, as if he believed that she was beneath him despite her being a goddess in her own right.

“Stop squirming,” the man on top of her growled. He reached up to the top of her chiton and then pulled it hard enough to pop the attachments on the top that kept it on her shoulders. He tugged the fabric down so that her bare body was revealed to him. She had been in civilization for long enough to know that was unacceptable, that a body should only be shown to someone that was truly loved and trusted. She didn’t trust Antinous nor did she love him.

“Stop!” she shouted, but he didn’t listen to her.

He sat up on the bed so that he was towering above her, like a figure that he had risen from the depths of Tartarus to eat her alive. She watched in horror as he undid the clasps on the chiton that she had worked so hard to make for him and then let it fall down around him, revealing his body to her. “I don’t think that you get to tell me what to do here. You may have some magical wispy powers, but you’re not better than a nymph,” he snarled into her ear.

She had more power than that, but it felt like the fear that was consuming her prevented her from being able to access it the way that she would need to so that she could defend herself. She had only ever done that when she was fighting against the Gods in the Titan war, she was so out of practice that she wasn’t sure if she would be able to do it even if she wasn’t so afraid all the thoughts had gone from her mind.

“I command you to stop!” she said, her voice wavering as if she was somehow unsure of what she wanted to be happening.

“Look at that, nothing happened. Seems like this place really is the paradise that the gods spoke of when they were dragging me here. They sounded sarcastic, but if I have a god bitch to take whenever I want then it can’t be too bad,” Antinous sneered into her ear. He used his large hands to flip her over so that her ass was in the air and her knees were supporting her.

“Please, please stop,” she begged. She didn’t like being brought down this far nor did she wanted any bit of what was happening to her. He had made her completely helpless under his hands and all she could do was try to go along to his whims without him hurting her further.

She felt one of his hands come down into her braids and grab hold of them so that her head was twisted back. She could feel every breath struggling to get through the tight space that her larynx had forced the path to her lungs to become. Every swallow was painful and soon the drool began to ooze down her face despite her attempts to keep it in her mouth. Her stomach roiled with disgust for what this man was doing to her.

Antinous didn’t stop, despite the whimpers that were emitting from her and the fact that she kept trying to squirm her body away from him. She heard the sound of spitting behind her and then felt something wet and warm on her vaginal opening. She knew then what he was going to do to her, Odysseus had told her about the kinds of things that a husband and wife did when they were in bed together. She didn’t want this to be the experience that she was having with a man that may be a husband to her, Odysseus had made it sound so romantic. This was anything but romantic.

He used his other hand to guide his cock into her cunt before he reached out and gathered both of her wrists so that he could pin them to the small of her back. She was unable to twist or move in the slightest as he began to pummel into her. She could feel the way that his cock was stretching her to the point that she felt like her walls were beginning to tear. She knew that he wouldn’t care if they did, he was delighting in the pain that this was bringing her.

He remind began to retreat back into itself like it did sometimes when she was having a particularly hard day on her island. The world around her became hazy and all she could hear was the sounds of the ocean outside of her cave, instead of the grunting and slapping of flesh coming from behind her.

Eventually, Antinous bottomed out inside of her and she felt something thick yet liquid enter into her. He collapsed down next to her without a single care in the world, dropping her onto the bed like she was nothing more than a toy. “I could certainly get used to this,” Antinous groaned as he folded his arms behind him and let his eyes droop shut.

Calypso waited until the rise and fall of his chest became deeper and more even. She was certain then that he was asleep and she would be able to escape without him noticing her.

She rose silently from the bed and picked up the ruined dress that she had woven for herself. She had spent hours making sure that everything was straight and prim and proper, she wanted to look like the other goddesses that she sometimes saw flying in the sun chariot as they went to Olympus. He had ruined it, ripping it all the way down the front and snagging one of the shoulder pins in the hem so that it was basically irreparably tattered.

The goddess walked out to where the fire from her cooking earlier was still crackling madly and then dropped the item down into it. She wouldn’t want to look at that dress anyway, because it was a representation of the fact that she had no power despite having the same kind of parentage as the Olympians. She had been cast aside to an island where all she could do was nurture the spirits and vegetation that lived there, she couldn’t even bring animals back to life.

She walked through the dense woods of Ogygia, knowing that Antinous would not be able to follow her if he woke up to discover that she was gone. She hoped that he would never wake up, she much preferred being alone to being used in that way. The endless silence was better than the grunting of a man she barely knew above her while she begged him to let her go. The countless days without another face to gaze upon her own was better than having to put her eyes on the face of that man ever again.

She found the pool that she had used for bathing as long as she could remember. It was fed by a river where she got her drinking water, so she knew that the waters were crisp and fresh. She felt as though she was sullying the sacredness of her spot as she stepped into the frigid, slightly lapping waves. The seed that Antinous had spilled inside of her before he had fallen asleep was dripping down her legs and spilling onto the rocky shores next to the pool.

Calypso traveled deeper and deeper into the water until her feet could no longer reach the bottom. She allowed her body to sink down to the bottom, where she wrapped her arms around her knees in an attempt to keep herself as small as she could possibly be. She had never before been so grateful that her island would not let her die, that no matter how long she let the bubbles escape from her mouth there would always be more oxygen to fill her lungs.

Along with the horror of what had just happened to her, there was anger. She was angry at the gods for dumping her on an island where she was the only one present. She was angry at them for having the first person she had spoken to in eons being a man that hated her for something that she could not control. She was angry at them for making Antinous ever disgrace her island with his presence. She had done nothing more than follow the words of her parents as they everyone did when they were as young as she was. She had been abandoned for being a child that was following the words of her elders. It wasn’t fair, it had never been fair, and she was growing tired of being treated that way when no other immortal being was.

She pushed herself out of the waters of her lake. She shivered when the cold air began to seep the water from her skin, but she barely felt it further than what her body instinctively wanted to do. Her feet carried her through the dense brush of the jungle that took over the majority of Ogygia’s lands, avoiding the prickly plants and sticks that had fallen from the most recent storm.

She walked around a den of foxes, away from the burrows of marmots and mice, past a bramble of sweet berries, and then finally to the rocky craig where she had lost spoken to Hermes. Calypso had never bothered to name anything on her island the way that the humans did, she had never seen the point of it when she was so sure that one day her sentence would get revoked and she would be permitted to leave her prison so that she could be somewhere else. That was evidently not going to happen, and she figured that she should at least come up with a name for the place where she got the only contact with other immortals.

She decided that she would name it Man’s Death, since that was what Odysseus was sure her island was going to be of him. It was the place that he had threatened to jump off of when the voices of his old friends and comrades had gotten too loud in his head. It was the place that she was going to make her own threats, she was sure of it.

“HERMES!”

Her own voice had never been that loud before. She had heard the howls of animals in heat, the screeching of wind through a cave so quickly that it blew out all of her hard work and left her shiver in the night. She had heard thunder bring down trees and earthquakes change the location of the island somewhere in the island. She was not a stranger to the loudness of the world, but she had always made sure that she was quiet enough to be ignored. If she kept her head down and only let her true self show to the people that she was permitted to see by the High King of the Gods, then perhaps he would take mercy on her. 

It was clear her that was never going to happen. It had been a false promise that she had been given by some psychotic wind spirit, the ones that had brought her there, and it was a lie. She was through being lied to, not when it was going to have her power removed from her body and her soul violated in such a way. 

She screamed the name over and over into the air. Her throat felt raw and her mouth was dry from the rain. She could smell the salt and tang of the sea around her while it continued to crack into the rocks below her. She poured her power into the words until she could almost taste them on her lips, until she could see the effect that they were having on the world around her.

The god appeared in front of her then, finally called after she had screamed for the majority of the night. She knew that she looked a sight, bare and naked under the soft silvery light of the moon. She hoped that the goddess of maidenhood would forgive her for losing something that she had never wanted to give up.

Hermes looked exactly as he had the last time that she had seen him, when he had come to tell her that she could no longer have Odysseus with her on her island. She had known then that what had happened to her was a punishment, not something to protect her. She was being shamed and hurt by being kept on Ogygia instead of provided with a paradise to live out the rest of her years. If they had truly cared for her then they would not have left her alone as a child. 

“Can I help you, my dear?” Hermes asked. His heavy golden helmet sat over his eyes, pushing the brown curls of his hair out in every direction that they could. His sandals were laden with feathered wings that allowed him to flip and move in the air easier than any other god would be able to.

“Do not speak to me that way,” Calypso warned. “You brought him here, did you not?”

“I’m afraid that you’re going to have to be more specific than that,” Hermes replied. He flipped around so that he was on his stomach, with his caduceus clutched in one hand despite his fingers being threaded together so that he could rest his chin down on top of them.

“You brought that man to me! You all promised me that I would be happy here. I thought that perhaps someone was watching me and they had seen how lonely I was. Doesn’t your friend Apollo drag one of my only companions across the sky everyday? Do you not listen to Helios when he speaks?” she demanded.

“Darling, calm down. I’m sure that nothing has happened to warrant this kind of reaction from you,” Hermes soothed. He was speaking to her as if she was a child, but what had happened to her was something that no child should ever have to go through. If that was what the gods were permitting to happen to the children of the humans they had worked so hard to create, then she believed that the Titans should have stayed in power.

“He- Hermes, you don’t get to say that,” she shook her head. She felt one of her long braids slip over her shoulder, brushing across the others that were already resting along her collarbone. “You promised me that when you brought me here, you would keep my happy and content. You promised me a paradise as long as I never tried to leave or interfere with the world.”

“But you did try to escape, didn’t you?” Hermes asked. It felt like he was making fun of her, like he was talking down to someone that was lesser than him.

Fury ignited inside of her stomach. She knew that she was more powerful than him, linked far closer to the earth than he was. Zeus may have been able to create gods from mortal women and his own seed, but she was the daughter of the Titans and one of the beings that was called a god first. He didn’t get to talk to her like she was lesser simply because his own kind had deprived her of the knowledge that she would have needed to protect herself from that kind of attack.

Her hands at her sides balled into fists and the island began to move with her. The vines from the jungle began to snake through the dirt at her feet and reached out towards the god that was hovering above the ocean in front of her. She lurched her hand out so that they flew into the air and grabbed hold of him. She then balled her first back up and dragged her hand towards herself. Hermes was forced forward so that he was actually within Ogygia’s borders and she would have more control over him.

“You do not get to come to my home, to my prison, and tell me what I do and do not get to feel. You may get to dictate where I go and whom I see, but you do not get to tell me how I react to things. Do you understand me, little godling?” she asked. She could feel the power of the island rushing through her. The rage that she felt inside had awoken something that was meant to be sleeping, that the other gods had put to bed a long time ago. She was ancient and she was dangerous, and she was finished of pretending that she wasn't.

“Calypso,” Hermes grumbled. “You musn’t be naughty.”

“What do you think that you could do to me, godling? Lock me away on an island without any knowledge of how to care for myself? Let my stomach consume itself for a full two years until I discovered an edible plant that did not reject itself from my body within a few hours? Leave me to shiver through the long winter nights with no clothing as I grew? Or perhaps you would provide me with a friend only to rip him away from me because I am trapped here while he is the most spoiled mortal that has ever lived,” she asked. Her face was so close to his that she could feel the panting breaths that he was letting out, but she didn’t care.

Calypso could feel the vines around his arms growing tighter and tighter, to the point where she knew for certain that they were going to be hurting him. “I know. The perfect thing to punish me after removing the friend that I nursed back to health and helped thrive under the distress that the rest of you bestowed upon him, would be to give me a man who violated me. I could spend hours giving him new clothing and bringing him back to life when it would have been so much easier to just let him fester and die. Then he would wake up and hold me down, I would be unable to fight him because I never learned more magic than how to mend my clothing or pick up things a bit too heavy for me. He would hold me down and put his hands and his cock in places I did not want him to while I begged him to stop!”

“I’m sorry,” Hermes whispered. “Athena wanted him to have the same punishment that Odysseus did!”

“I NEVER RAPED HIM! Antinous was known to want to hurt mortal women, what made you think that he wouldn’t be able to hurt a goddess the same way? Why do you all treat me as though I am a punishment instead of a person? All I wanted was companionship, to be not alone anymore. You sent a man here with the intention of letting me be raped and abused,” horror set in when she realized that. She had always assumed the gods were just a bit misled, that was what her own father had thought, but she was beginning to think that they were the malicious and vindictive ones instead of the titans.

She took a step back as the vines slowly began to unwind from where they had almost entirely consumed Hermes. “I want him gone, before the week is over. If you do not remove him from what is supposed to be my paradise, then I will begin to lure all your heroes here and keep them with me for as long as I please. They will be the companionship that I longed for, I will be the punishment you so greatly desired. Because I will throw them from this very cliff, down into the waters deep within Tartarus where men like Antinous belong. Find another goddess to be your lamb to slaughter.” 

[dynafire]

I was mutuals and somewhat friends with chrzannekk before they nuked their account. We'd talked, mostly about Camp Camp, as it's been a lifelong fixation of mine. Things like m*xvid and proshipping came up. Nick expressed their disgust for it, which obviously I share as a survivor myself. I shared my feelings with Nick about these things very openly, albeit mostly in relation to CC's abuse narrative.

Beyond time Nick posted a drawing where an oc made an incest joke, an oc who was known to be a mentally unstable addict who was actively a terrible person, I can't recall Nick ever showing warning sighs for this behavior. Since I was in a few CC chats I'm having a hard time remembering who exactly said what, but I knew that overall we'd all agreed that any sort of proshipping or pro paraphilia behavior was disgusting in our words.

I feel fucking sick reading what I read about Nick. We'd talked about the topic of proshipping a lot, actually, we'd expressed a shared frustration at how writing seriously about abuse is often made out to be the sort of fetish content of abuse we both hated. I shared pieces of writing dealing with CSA. I can't help but wonder what Nick was thinking reading these. At the time they took it seriously and pretended to understand me and my motivations in exposing and fighting abuse. Now I don't know what to feel. Were the conversations we had just fetish material for them?

We hadn't spoken in months (and honestly I began to ignore the CC fandom as a whole due to a change in fixation and a general distaste for many of the popular accounts involved in it) so I only found out about this just a few hours ago tonight. Been mulling over some things in my head.

They'd once told me they'd been falsely accused of being a proshipper by an account that wasn't them, but after seeing the document that has come out in certain circles, it surely has to be them. I wish I'd been smarter. I wish I'd seen through their lies.

It takes a really sick person to like the vile, inhumane shit Nick liked, but an especially sick person to put on a face of innocence about it, and to lie to the faces of friends (many who are directly affected by these sort of sexual crimes) about your stance on it. Most of all I worry for anyone Nick could've had contact with online as I know there's a pretty wide age range in a lot of cartoon spaces. At this point I've heard nothing that would accuse Nick of acting of their vile fantasies, and I'm hoping it stays that way. Nick's accounts are (to my knowledge) gone now, except for their discord (kicialvr) which I only name here so people can know to avoid them, as they are clearly not the sort of person who should have contact with minors or anyone at all.

I'm not buddy-buddy with ANYONE whose down with this sort of shit that hurts real people, REAL CHILDREN. Let me make that clear. I'm not Nick's friend and I will never be again. I'm so sorry to everyone who had to be exposed to the awful things they posted and I hope more than anything it stayed within the screen for them. I'm at a loss for words beyond this: If you're reading this, Nick, fuck you. Never contact me again.