#and she is the tiniest animal to ever live

[pippindot]

Oh no there's a germ in my kitchen

[mactiir]

ranking baldur's gate characters by how i think they smell

#9) Minthara. Because she’s a corpse, next question.

#8) Lae'zel. You know this woman has never bathed. Washing is for the weak, is'tik. She says this is because needs her musk to attract mates but mostly it's cuz Gith education doesn't exactly make time for personal hygiene. Once it got so bad that Tav dragged the whole party through a chest-deep stream and stood there for 20 minutes to take a "breather" while Laezel stared daggers at them the whole time.

#7) Karlach. I want Karlach to smell nice so badly, and Karlach probably wants Karlach to smell nice too, but you know this woman smells like brimstone and engine exhaust and sweat. On good days she smells like the fine char you get on burgers on a summer day. On bad days she smells like a truck stop at peak hours, and the truck stop is also on fire. She's not happy about this either.

#6) Gale. Gale tries to keep himself groomed, he really does. But he looks like he is perpetually just a tiny bit smelly. Like he hyperfocused on a book slightly too hard for slightly too long and as a result he forgot to shower for a week. He acts like he bedded Mystra because of his towering intellect but really it's cuz gods don't have human senses of smell. His nightshirt looks velvet, too, and you KNOW it can't be easy to get smells out of that shit without a washer. He is one of those poor guys who is cursed to always stink a little bit no matter how much he showers. When Tav confronts him about this he decides, on the spot, that deodorant is for anti-intellectuals, actually, which he wouldn't have expected Tav to know but it's okay, we can't all be enlightened.

#5) Minsc. He doesn't reek exactly, but you know he's 100% man musk, hamster bedding, and butt-kicking

Tied for #5) Jaheira. You know 100 years of living in forests and adventuring with Minsc has endowed her with exactly the same level of manly perfume as Minsc (except with notes of cedarwood).

#4) Wyll. He used to be the best-smelling until Mizora pulled him through every level of hell in rapid succession, and now he smells a little bit like brimstone all the time. He sometimes rubs fragrant herbs on his horns to counteract it, which doesn't get rid of the smell, really, but it gives his smell an interesting dimension. Otherwise, he has enough experience with adventuring, and is well-bred enough, that him and his things are usually well-groomed (and also because his dad was a freak about it).

#3) Shadowheart. This woman puts on tragic makeup every morning and changes her hair to reflect her religion. Appearances are EVERYTHING (especially when it comes to keeping secrets). Shadowheart smells exactly like she thinks she needs to smell to be religiously pleasing to her goddess and/or coMplEtE thE mIsSioN. She does get anxious sweats though, which are very distinctive if it's been a long day of adventuring. She never admits this, though. Ever.

#2) Astarion. Okay, so, sometimes, he smells just the teensiest, tiniest bit like dried blood. But mostly, he smells like baby powder and potpourri. It is a waste of good fashion sense and his pretty face to go about stinking like a beggar. (He does go through a brief 'Cazador can't tell ME what to do' phase where he stops bathing for a day, but he grosses himself out so much that he resumes his normal routime before anyone notices.)

#1) Halsin. You'd expect him to stink, with his whole smelly-hippy free-love vibe, but nah. The man smells heavenly. He spends all his time frolicking through fragrant herbs and lounging in scented hot springs with whomever strikes his fancy. He probably has a whole ass medicine cabinet full of stuff he uses to freshen up. His breath probably smells like mint and his hair like cedar. He probably puts coconut oil or smth in his hair. He knows how to smell good as literally any animal in the realms. Wanna know why? Dogs have a sense of smell several thousand times better than people. I bet bears do, too. You do Not Fuck As A Bear without understanding not only how to WASH your ass, but also perfume it. Halsin also knows: thou shalt not give yeast infections. And if you got bear dick, that means HYGIENE. It's a point of pride for him, actually.

BONUS: WITHERS. Withers smells like nothing. Like, freakishly, unsettlingly like nothing. Like, you expect him to smell like dust or pitch or smth. Nope. He's a black hole of smell. You come near him and if you ask, he resets your entire hygiene routine for 100 gold and leaves you smelling like roses.

[therapy-ghost]

hello! im new to the one piece fandom cus of the live action and i absolutely loved it!

I'd like to request headcannons for strawhat crew (romantic or platonic) with a new female crewmate that is very creative and crafty, but also likes to collect things like a crow for her crafts, like the reader decorates the ship and tries to make clothes or useful things for the crew members ><

have a good day/ night ^^

….I don’t know where or not you want it live action or not… but there are a lot of members in the anime compared to the live action so I’m doing live action!!!!

warning; spoilers, swearing and cuteness(straight fluff)

The straw hats(opla) x fem!crewmate that is like a crow!

Luffy

bro will help her; he will notice her finding shiny things in the streets or just randomly in the sand, and he will do the same and gift them to her

finds it really cute because she will become extremely excited over the tiniest of things

if she ever gifts him something, like a pin, or an extremely shiny rock, he will put it somewhere on his clothes

If she makes something for the ship; like some kinda decor for merry, he is putting it on(no questions ask)

Zoro

bros confused as hell; will ask her a shit tone of questions and be like “the hell are you doing?”

secret is; he finds it interesting that she does this… reminds him of Nami and her berry

if he finds something shiny; he will put it in a place where she can find it and leave it for her.

Nami

sis wants it all; Nami isn’t a fan that she just collects the shiny and very expensive stuff and keeps it to herself… so let’s just say she has stollen a few thousand berry from her

its not like she’ll notice? She’s to busy making a really pretty necklace… for Nami?

Nami eventful finds it the most adored thing ever and will bo staff anyone to death that thinks other wise.

she has suggested making a business tho….

Usopp

he accidentally lonched a pretty rock in his sling shot after thinking it was more amo and then go really said

he always tries to make her happy with finding other shiny things and tells her stories(lies) about them.

helps her clean things off and make little crafts with them

Sanji

head over heels as soon as she gifts him with anything, no matter how dirty it is.

bro will do the same for her and give her really pretty things he has found in hopes to make her happy and hug him

he is extremely touch starved and wants it all the time so…. Once he joins, her stach grows by 100 times

I hope you enjoyed it!!!!

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #27

The Battle of Big Wand

Part 2 of reacting to this episode (spoiler-free)!

Cosmo talking about the Big Wand going down: Better check with I.T. Hazel: Just I.T.? No fancy fairy name?

why is this so funny to me

Y'know... I've have a post in my drafts for ages that mocks Anti-Cosmo's castle entrance for not being wheelchair-friendly (because the road is covered in spikes). If he took over and then put spikes on this new road, I'm gonna lose it.

OH, I NAILED my "After thinking about it, this is my final answer" prediction. Dev is in the house! oh, good gravy.

This is the second time he's tried to be a king, and I think it's funny he hasn't tried to be a company president or anything. Not fantasy enough for him.

It's stupid funny to me that Dev just turned 10 and he's got impressive muscles when he flexes. what is this child doing- bench pressing solid gold??

We've been robbed of Dev wishing himself into one of the puzzle games he likes and getting buried under, like... Tetris blocks and having to claw his way out.

That might make a good 'fic; I feel like "wishing to be inside an app" is very correct for him.

??? whaaat does he have? He's got portable wishes of some kind? Is it a shooting star? oh, goodness. Let me think, let me think...

!! Crocker has these in the finale of Jimmy Timmy Power Hour 1. He throws them at the ground near fairy guards to poof them into animals. They're grenades. lmao, Dev got into the Fairy Armory.

Canonically, the Fairy Armory is the only place in Fairy World that still has power during outages, so... epic magic fight with weapons?? Ooooh, I hope so!

Irep is back, I knew it!! Part of me suspected he wouldn't be here because he's not really known for being a team player, but I'm glad he is :) Let's go Anti-Fairies!!

I'm delighted Anti-Cosmo isn't taking lead. Also, for some reason it's hilarious to me that Irep is focused on Hazel and not interested in addressing Cosmo or Wanda. He used to greet them as Auntie and Uncle, and now he's like "I don't need their approval or love."

Uh-oh... Has he sorted out his needy issues? If he's too old for naps and we can't bribe him with hugs, how will we defeat him??

I wanted to see if he uses their honoraries in "Fairly Odd Fairy Tales" (since he does it when he's being polite and I knew he was offering food). He doesn't, but I like how Wanda straight-up fed her nephew an apple that puts him to sleep until his true love kisses him, then looks dead at the viewer and says "And then we all lived happily ever after." Is the implication that no one will ever love him, so he's unconscious forever?? omg. Wanda's very black and white view of things is so incredibly funny to me, especially since she grew up in a mob family.

I'm excited to see Dev and the Anti-Fairies. Who would win: the species that invented papercuts, or a little boy who longs for lemonade?

Are you telling me Cosmo and Anti-Cosmo are BOTH intimidated by Irep now? Either this is about to be super funny, or they've switched.

Did Anti-Cosmo finally step up his parenting? Not out of the question; in Season 10, Foop was in time-out for putting spiders in his spaghetti.

(How ironic, considering Foop liked eating spiders).

I rewound and Cosmo jumps when the magic hits, before he sees Irep, so he's not necessarily afraid of him. Also, keeping my fingers crossed for anti-family interactions. I'm really looking forward to a face-off between Irep and Peri; their banter is my favorite and we didn't get much in "Best of Luck."

I'm so glad that despite changing his name, Irep presents himself with the same flair he always did. He is the same person...

omg, his little cufflinks. He's adorable.

For some reason, I've called him "posh British boy" in two previous posts, but... idk why, because he's literally never been posh and I know that. I'm glad he looks like his aesthetic is "bad boy with the tiniest detail of fancy."

I hope he's still friends with Sammy Sweetsparkle :) Maybe they're in a gang. I know there's 0 chance of Sammy being in this episode, but can you just imagine if Foop took out his wallet and there's a picture of Sammy in it.

Actually... if he's got a little metal circle there, I think that implies his jacket is closer to denim than leather. Lemme check......

OH, interesting... Yeah, he and Sammy don't match.

I don't say it enough, but it's really freakin' funny to me that Foop spends a distressing amount of "Certifiable Super Sitter" following Sammy or spying on Sammy and/or reacting to everything Sammy says. He's just Like That... Like, I enjoy the implication that of all the places Foop could go when his parents canonically left him unsupervised for the week, he likely chose to hit up the Turner place in spite of his hatred for Poof because Sammy is there. Silly.

Anyway...

Dev: Yeah, yeah, yeah... and Irep. Joint conquerors of Fairy World.

OMFG, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Was I RIGHT that Anti-Cosmo isn't even at the takeover!? Local introvert hates leaving his house and never wanted Fairy World anyway; more at 11. I'll be there!!

Plot twist, Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda don't actually show up in this episode because they're busy flirting while Irep's away.

I clocked the design aesthetic of the taken-over Fairy World as "This is Irep and Dev as partners; Anti-Cosmo wouldn't do this" so hard. crying. how did I do that. it's not getting better than this.

"Let's get DEV-ious!!"

dlkfgm, once again losing it at Dev using his first name rather than the "Dimm" part of his surname when he makes puns. He's a Dimmadome, but... he's kind of his own twig on the tree.

It is unreasonably funny to me that Irep's wand is so heavy considering he had massive muscles as a child after his Abracatraz imprisonment ("Spellementary School" & "Timmy's Secret Wish").

Also, I am FASCINATED by the decision to give Irep one little zipper tab that hangs off his jacket. Impeccable.

I love this team already. These are two people who are both known for:

- Coming from upper class families - Having parent-related abandonment issues - Not showing a lot of restraint - Only showing restraint when they've REALLY gone too far

Hmm... Oh boy, let me think. We know Dev's [previous] line was that he didn't like his dad shocking people's brains for money, with Dev having strained feelings even when he was trying to convince himself the shocks could be good ("You can help kids!") And he did feel bad about fighting with Hazel, though he's definitely Going Through the Wringer right now.

And Irep's line in the OG series is that he was totally down for:

- Tormenting his parents - Annihilating Crocker for not inviting him to his house party (whom he hilariously calls Denzel when he's mad at him) - Pointing his school's playground slide into the void - Sending Cosmo and Wanda on a dinner date to a black hole - Poof dying (despite the fact their lives were tied together)

- but he wouldn't allow anyone to harm Chloe, who finally introduced him to hugs.

He made it very clear he wasn't willing to face Vicky to save his own life, even on the verge of death, but he'd do it for her or for chicken cordon bleu. And she's not here, and we're all out of chicken cordon bleu. Uh-oh…

- Would Irep rate Hazel hugs 10/10? Inquiring minds need to know. - Is Dev bribing Irep with hugs? Or is Irep just here for the chaos and assurances that Dev's having more fun with him than Peri? - Is Irep bribing Dev with hugs? Are they pumping each other up with positive affirmations?? Go king; continue the healing cycle!

If Irep's parents show up, I hope he's on good terms with his mom, who used to pack chicken nuggets and anti-venom in his lunch box :)

Dev's faith in his ability to not fall off his O-pairs makes me nervous every time he's ever been onscreen.

His dad might let him down, but the O-pairs never have.

[ cnt'd - #Long post ]

All I've been thinking about for ages is an AU where Dev and Mikey Munroe (Bunsen Is a Beast) switch drones for a day, so Mikey's parents freak out that they can't monitor their son 24/7 and meanwhile, Dev just... can't get his dad's attention despite the two-way microphone and camera screen. Also, Mikey spends most of his time making noises into the O-pairs' fans. It's always been my headcanon that Mikey's parents installed the Buxaplenty's and Leadly's security systems (hence the buttons releasing different dogs & the lethal lightning bolts) since I think "ooh, rich people want us" helps justify why his parents are gone for months or years at a time when we know their job is designing home security, so basically... all the cool rich people use them. I actually have a WIP of Mikey and Remy playing near the Buxaplenty train tracks when they were little, but I never found a plot point strong enough to carry it to the end. Anyway, I've been waiting to see what the Dimmadomes have in terms of security, but it's... nothing yet. Plot twist, Dale has trust issues even with the people installing security?? ... I think he'd be friends with Mikey's parents. Maybe. Actually, I might need a 'fic about Dale having a meltdown when he goes home for the first time in 7 years and doesn't trust that Vicky won't sneak in to get him. He needs the world's best security team. It's two terrible parents afraid of literally everything. Yes, they ditched their kid for this. Don't worry about it. y'know... It's really messed up that Mikey's parents are terrified of everything, but they leave their 12-year-old home alone with the pets for months or years at a time, "but it's fine because they're spying on him 24/7 and sometimes give him gifts (like medicated wipes)." His dad is implied to have a fear of germs and I've always wondered if that plays into them not being anywhere near Mikey... Plot twist- We pull a "My Gym Partner's a Monkey" (where the reason we don't see Adam Lyon's parents is because they're severely allergic to animal hair and Adam has to thoroughly wash when he's home and they can't go to school events), but it's Mikey's parents fleeing Muckledunk because they're either allergic or afraid of Beasts. They left their son... Okay, I just checked my notes and I have a line here that says "Mikey's obsession with soft things like animals, beards, and blankets is probably because his parents never touch him." help??

Anyway, I think an AU where Dale hovers over Dev 24/7 and is still a terrible dad would be funny. Instead of neglect, it's obsession... Especially at this age since Dev's as old as Dale was when his trauma started.

... Is Dale putting distance between himself and Dev on purpose because Dev looks exactly like him and is now the age when Dale's life came crashing down? idk if Dale had access to mirrors back then, but that's gotta be weird.

crying at Irep waiting for his cue to pull Dev's flashbacks down from the top of the screen. They rehearsed this. Painfully in-character (In "Secret Wish," Foop claims he waited 10 minutes outside so he could burst in at a dramatic moment).

The way Irep twists his legs gives me Anti-Cosmo vibes.

Rare "Winn without cap" spotted in the wild.

Dev has the room oriented the wrong direction and in doing so, he forgot to include the door. Emotionally, he's stuck in this room. lmao.

Maybe it's a class that's not Guzman's since we know from "Multiverse of Jenkins" that these kids do attend other classes. But... Dev, what's goin' on, buddy?

INCREDIBLY funny to me that Bev sits directly in front of Dev? I gotta go back and fact-check that sometime. Has he been harboring his crush on her because she's right there? That's great!

??? If she DOESN'T sit there then I have to assume Dev is just so Bev-centric that he WANTS her to be there, and that's very funny. Go chase your sporty crush, rich boy. I support you.

Okay, I went back, and it seems his canon seat is between Bev and Kev (with Kev behind Hazel), but Kev vaporizes when we need to center Hazel and Dev onscreen at the same time (such as Dev faking sick and Hazel glaring at him). Oh my glob, he's another witch... Dev, embrace your ancestral witch-hunting for me, plz and ty. It would be funny... /checks my witch notes as a joke and screeches to a halt. Oh my goodness, I could finally get a Soil Tribe child in my roster... I have their magic down as "causes host to fade unnoticed into the background," and it would be very funny to do something magical with the child model. ??? On my first watch of "28 Puddings Later," I don't think I saw that scene of Dev falling over and losing his shades when the pudding throne collapses. Must've missed it while taking notes. That's cute.

I like how Dev's memories are 2D like the photos we've seen throughout the series. Also, Hazel's so dang cute.

I'm glad Dale's pants look the same in both the New Wish and old 2D style despite no FOP character ever wearing anything with that many dots.

I like that Dev's hair is much shinier than his dad's, implying Dale still has the dullness that comes with being soft instead of slick.

- I'm assuming this means either Dev's hair is gelled or he gets that from the maternal side of his family? - idk man, this is very in line with my "Dev's mom is a Leadly" headcanon... At this point, I can't NOT torment him with two very rich and extremely messed-up sides of his family... They both have extreme branding and weird fixations and funky buildings and run big businesses that have brought in incredible amounts of money and they like tech and call people the wrong names... do you see what I see...

I'm DELIGHTED Dale's hair curls up in the back. I've been so sad that he lost his tuft when he grew up. This is clever.

!!! oh yeah, Dale has his dad's stripe! Technically he and Dev both have the stripe, but I love the subtle differences in their hair. While collecting screenshots for an earlier post, I noticed the hair above their ears is combed in different directions, like this:

- with Dale showing the stripe much more clearly than Dev does. I like the implication that Dev's stripe is gold. That's really cute.

I checked, and the gold streak does seem to be in the place he has the Dimmadome family stripes in his 2D form (Eyebrow level). Neat!!

Aw, Irep's a big boy! And his hair grew out blue!! Parents' genes came out kickin'. I did wonder. I think it's funny his mustache and goatee are still black.

Despite losing the black hair, he's not yet immune from "Irep, are you sure one of your parents wasn't actually pixie?" allegations. This is stupid funny to me... In my Cloudlands AU, the Anti-Fairies are always dunking on him for having black hair like Anti-Cosmo's ex-wife, but no one can say anything because unlike Anti-Cosmo's first heir (Talon), Foop was born with the iris virus (colored eyes), so he's "been accepted by the nature spirits" and is heir apparent.

... Seeing this many colored eyes is giving me incredible amounts of anxiety, but it would not be appropriate to clarify why out of context. I like the guy with hair over his eyes and a big hat.

Is Irep leading the charge these days? Do the Anti-Fairies take orders from him?

Did Anti-Cosmo step down!? Because considering how much he hates conflict, I wouldn't be slightly surprised, omg...

I think it's funny that if Dev uncovers any official documents or watches memory clips that flashback to Irep's past crimes, he'd probably be like "Why is there no paper trail for this Irep guy? who tf is Foop?"

WAS that his experience of browsing the anti-web? I have to assume it was- I can't imagine Anti-Fairy World would cross his path without Foop's name coming up.

?? Considering that in my previous post, I said I couldn't think of any reason for Anti-Cosmo to desire taking over Fairy World unless he managed to score the earth and/or godkids out of it...

I'm so glad Dev just dropped "They have to take over Fairy World so they can rule Earth." slkdfj?? okay...

Irep: Now we can rule BOTH! Anti-Cosmo: That just sounds like scoring godkids with extra work.

THEM!! I am once again so intrigued by the lore that A.J. went into parascience and is following in Crocker's footsteps?? You've no idea how much I need to know what the A.J.-Crocker relationship is.

crying at Irep making a peace sign when he gets in front of the camera with Dev. Doesn't he do that in his profile pic on Dark Laser's phone? He's literally the same person he's always been. I missed him so much.

PLEASE do not tell me Dev's full name is Development "Devin" Dimmadome. The quote marks Dale puts around "Devin" are making me lose it.

Dale's partner: Honey, can you stop thinking about business for 5 minutes so we can pick a name for our son? Dale, who comes from a family that usually just slaps their name on things: I got this.

?? I'd LOVE to know what's going on with Dev's mom. Did she die in childbirth and had no say in naming her son, and Dale took over from there? Is she alive, but divorced from and/or passive around him?

Like... I have to assume she had the most exquisite prenatal care through a rich family like this, especially if we assume she also came from a wealthy family cough- Leadlys.

Holy flipping plot twist, does Dev not have a mom at all? He looks exactly like his extraordinarily wealthy dad. Was he just cloned so Dale could pass the business on someday? Did Dale just kinda buy him and wait for the surrogate to hand him over, and he never formed any attachment to him as a baby because he had the O-Pairs / au pairs raise him? lmao!!!

Traumatized beyond belief for 7 years by a girl his age so he trusts absolutely no one and never learned what a healthy relationship was like even with a partner, let alone his son. smh.

Actually, it's very funny to think of him and Vicky splitting up. Like, it was extremely toxic and not romantic in the slightest, but she straight-up identified him when she saw his face in "Operation: Birthday Takeback" even though logically, that would have been 70 years since she was last close to him. She probably knew him pretty well, especially since his hair has changed.

Timmy can't have frozen the timestream any earlier than Channel Chasers in Season 4 when he learns he'll lose Cosmo, Wanda, and his memories when he grows up, which is the reason he cites for freezing time in "Timmy's Secret Wish," and that was 50+ years. It's been 20 more on top of that for Dale to grow up and his son to turn 10. We know Vicky and Doug Dimmadome very, very occasionally crossed paths in later seasons (Vicky tries to sell him the Stryker Z in Season 3's "Engine Blocked").

If anyone cares, this (Season 3) is presumably where Dale grew up unless Doug took him to Dimmadelphia.

Like?? Something about the fact that Vicky and Dale are the same age is funny as heck to me. New Wish canon heavily implies Vicky's been taking advantage of Dale since they were 9, and they might've been friends once upon a time (despite the fact that in both New Wish and the OG series, she can never remember who the Dimmadomes are, lol).

There's no way Doug did a good job of looking for him, or Vicky would've turned him in for reward money. I wonder if Dale had a history of sneaking off to play with Vicky and just never came home one day.

Do you think that after her bossing him around for 7 years, Dale was really messed up and didn't know how to make choices for himself?

Oh, that's awful!! Who would write a 'fic about him running away to look for Vicky and beg her to take him back because he doesn't know how to be a person anymore and needs schedules and instruction? Who would do that?? I'm fascinated by their dark, twisted, and incredibly under-explained vibe. Haha, I'm in danger...

oh no, and Dev even told us his father relies on algorithms over his own thoughts, and we KNOW Dale was upset his publicity team said he should talk to people face to face instead of sending the O-Pairs or hiding behind holograms... A snarky Dev told us he thinks "talking to people isn't [Dale's] thing..." I'm connecting the dots...

hey wtf. does Dale have issues with scraping by in the dirt and dark with limited food and water and nothing to his name for 7 years and that's why he freaks out when he loses money? He can't handle the thought of not having a house??

Holy flip, I wish he'd communicate his trauma to his son, but I'm yelling that we keep seeing hints that he's withholding things from Dev. Like ?? Dale explains his thoughts all the time (in monologue fashion), but he's clearly keeping some things under wraps since Dev didn't have any concept for who Vicky was or why she knew his dad.

I genuinely think Dale doesn't want Dev to know the details. Dev didn't even seem to have a good grasp of why he isn't allowed lemonade, or at least that was my read considering how grumpy he was about it.

omg, this is horrible. who would write a 'fic about Dale taking his son camping and then slipping off to have a total meltdown where Dev won't see. who would do that.

Like, I think at this point they're so rich, you'd have to assume they're not at risk of losing everything if Dale took time off work, but we KNOW he's stuck on that schedule Vicky raised him with (working on Saturdays, which we see him do multiple times), and we KNOW he's always trying to claw his way up despite having the money to buy literally anything he could ever want.

And we KNOW Dale's big thing is that he loses his entire flippin' mind when the money slows down ("You still making sales?" / "Yes, but they're dropping, Dev!") and he's willing to stalk and hurt people to keep it coming in.

Y'know, this is continuing my theory that Doug Dimmadome is probably dead. I legit think Dale lost his support system (possibly around Dev's birthday considering how clingy he is about boots and says they came into his life on that day, plus the golden boots with the "In honor" plaque he has in his house). Daddy's not bailing him out of this one...

Lovely that Dale's first words to Dev after finding out he's taken over Fairy World are "My son." Oh, NOW he wants to talk...

I also find out my son is working with the fey and immediately drop his full legal name.

Why is Dale both the worst person alive and the only dad ever? I need to flatten him with a cruise liner (carnally).

Happy boy... (Dev, don't trust him.)

omfg, Irep's not buying this for a second.

?? I feel like it makes things WORSE that Dale seems at least a little aware of how upset Dev is about the boots? "I'm so proud of my son; it almost makes me want to throw away my boots." - There's no way he doesn't know he's been screwing with Dev's head for the last 5 months. omg.

- Hey, does Dale treat Dev this way because Doug made Dale feel like he was playing second fiddle to his giant hats?? I can't help but notice this whole city has a hat theme, yet Dale doesn't seem to care for hats at all... which is interesting, because we know Dimmadelphia existed way before Doug got here. Doug in my theory: /died 10 years ago Dale: If I touch Dad's hats or add boot statues around the city, he'll totally kill me. - ?? I guess the alt theory is that Dale put all the hat stuff up as memorials to his dad, which doesn't sound far-fetched since again... he keeps THIS in his house:

... Huh. I guess it could be a trophy for Dale instead of a memorial. That's another relevant time to use "In honor." What does it say about me that "omg his dad is dead and he bronzed his boots as a keepsake" was my first thought when I saw this in "Operation: Birthday Takeback" and not "Dale is successful of his own merit"? Obsessed with the implication that Dev's brand image is his sunglasses... Three Dimmadomes go down in history: The Hat, The Boots, and The Shades.

I still think Dale should have a gun. Not to be helpful; just to keep things spicy...

Please go to the Fairy Armory: the one place in Fairy World that canonically keeps power during blackouts. I am begging. I feel like his Southern daddy would want this for him. Doug had a flamethrower.

Is Dev still holding those magic grenades, and what would happen if someone tackled him in a hug?

SDLJKFSDKLFJSDF I'm on the floor. Did I call it? No way... But is Anti-Cosmo only going to show up now that Dev's giving godkids to Anti-Fairies??

Irep: Yo, I'm going to take over Fairy World; anyone want anything? Anti-Cosmo: The same thing I always want: a new child. Irep: wtf

Oh, all that time I spent speculating instead of actually watching the episode the night I started was so worth it. I was really nervous people would grump at me for how I see Anti-Cosmo, but now I feel like I was set up for a slam dunk.

Also, I like how Dev's taken over Jorgen's office. I didn't notice at first, but that's clever.

Dale is so proud despite the fact Dev taped his mouth shut and tossed him aside. That's so funny...

omg, this pit looks dark.

Will Dev torment his dad with lemonade? Is Dale going into the dark torture pit that swings open from the top like a trapdoor, which parallels his underground trauma to a T, or is that going too far?? Is Dev going to dump on his dad about Vicky? Will Dale freak out when he realizes he accidentally hired his abuser of 7 years to babysit his son? Will Dale be joining Club Redheads Who Didn't Get Mindwiped? (I hope not, because Vicky's in it). Will Dev bully his father while he has all this power and then wipe his mind?? So many questions. Find out next time...

[lynzishell]

The Past 💛 Atlas

“Atlas! Thank god you’re here, you have to save me!” Lex grabs me by the arm as soon as I walk in, pulling me away from my desk.

“What’s going on?” I ask, confused.

“If I never hear the word ‘aspen’ again, it’ll be too soon. Please talk about anything else.”

“I don’t understand.”

“She’s being dramatic,” Asher assures me, “I was just telling her about—”

“Nooope! That’s it, I’m going for a walk.” Lex throws up her hands and storms off, taking me by surprise.

I turn to Asher who rolls his eyes, laughing, and ask again, “What’s going on?”

He smiles to me, “Do you know what an aspen tree is?”

“They’re like birch trees, right?”

“No! I mean, kind of, they both have white bark and black markings, but no,” he turns to pull them up on his computer, and I glance over his shoulder while he talks excitedly, “With the aspens, the bark itself is alive and performs photosynthesis, in fact, if you look closely, it has a green tint to it. And the black marks are unique. They self-prune their branches, leaving behind these distinct black scars that look like eyes, which is going to look so fucking cool when we’re done. And the leaves! So, they call them quaking aspens, do you know why?”

“No, why?”

He shows me a few close-ups of small yellow leaves, “They’re these delicate heart shapes,” he explains, “so even the tiniest breeze makes them tremble and, well, quake. Hence, quaking aspen. So, in this level, we’re making a maze in a quaking aspen forest, right, and oh my god, when they’re animated and placed in game, they’re going to look fucking amazing! Like, these magnificent, tall trees that, when you’re in them, can be kinda creepy right, but if you look up toward the top, they’re beautiful the way they seem to shimmer in the sun. They’re just… the coolest fucking tree.” He starts to laugh at himself, “Anyway, what do you think?”

“It looks great! Is this really what Lex was so upset about?”

“I may have been obsessing over them a bit for the last week or so. I think she’s finally had enough. Perks of living with me, I guess.”

“I see. You know, where I grew up, we had maple trees all along our street.”

“Yeah? Like the ones with the massive leaves?”

“No, they were, um, sugar maples so the leaves were smaller, but in the fall, they’d get bright red. I remember, as a kid, playing in these giant piles of red leaves. I loved it.” I’m surprised as I smile at the memory. It’s the first time I’ve ever thought of my past and felt anything close to fondness or nostalgia. “Anyway, I should get to work.”

“Sure. Yeah, me too.”

Just as I’m getting settled at my desk, a notification pops up in the corner of my screen: “1 New Message”

Asher: hey, I meant to ask you Asher: are you going to geek con this weekend? Atlas: I don’t know, maybe Asher: well if you end up going text me and we can meet up Asher: [redacted] Atlas: Sure. I’ll let you know

I pick up my phone and save his number, checking it against the screen three times to ensure I’ve got it right, and then set it back down with a smile.

I guess I’m going to Geek Con.

Prev // Next

[sualne]

Sorry if you're already working on this but with Luffy in Croc dad what's his hobby?? Like he's the biggest ball of energy and I think if wasn't fighting wild animals as a kid he would vibrate into another dimension from lack of stimulation. Does he draw and develop his art skills, has he taken up music or is he invested with the void century with Robin? Croc wants to keep him inside and safe so what did he think would be best to entertain him or does he buy a new thing every week that Luffy says he suddenly wants to do. Yes he looks at books but is that it. Also sorry if you answered this before and I've missed waht you said, I am pretty sure I've seen all your comics on this but I haven't seen all your ask answering questions.

i hadn't gotten these questions and im so glad you ask!! :D

so! luffy doesn't have one specific hobby and croc does end up giving him whatever he wants when he suddenly gets a new obsession, one of the reason he's so excited with finding the jewelry box and getting a dagger is because it's finally something new! after that he gets really into rings and knives until it gets bored of it and switch to something else again.

about him and learning about the void century with robin i actually got a comic later for that so i won't say anything here!

im going to make this a list and explain how it goes, under read more:

Fighting: this luffy doesn't know how to fight, but he still love the concept! he gets really excited hearing stories of fights, duels, martial arts and all the rest! In practice though, since he's been so sheltered and only ever saw one real fight that ended up with people being killed in front of him as a kid, if (haha) he were to witness another real fight he wouldn't be as giddy about it as when he hears stories. he does also learn the tiniest bit of kenpo from bonclay!

Dancing: luffy in canon loves dancing (and partying), here too! he doesn't know/master any specific styles but likes to drag people into dancing with him, if no one is around he'll grab some of the smaller bananawani instead.

Singing: he's still very bad at it.

Music: croc noticed how he'd taps on thing and tried to get him to learn some percussion, unfortunately for him, luffy doesn't care about music theory and just does whatever makes him happy. he also love loud noises and croc has to find a way to stop him from making a racket at any hours of the day, it gets worse when luffy loses some of his hearing and needs to make everything even louder. eventually he gets bored of it too.

Cooking: him and croc cooks together pretty often, if no one is there to supervise him luffy will ignore recipes and common sense, making all kind of abominations. it's a miracle he never set the kitchen on fire.

Bugs: he loves them! he collect them! alive. croc is horrified one day when he finds out baby luffy has been letting some food to rot so he could observes flies and larvae going through their little bug lives cycle. later croc gives him those pinned dead bugs collection boxes thinking luffy will like it, he doesnt.

Board&Cards Games: he mostly has to play them by himself, he doesn't like being alone so he'll often ends up playing it "with" the banawanis. after he loses a few too many times against the banawanis and can't get croc to join in for the millionth time he gives up on them. even when robin joins baroques works he still expect her to be too busy to play with him and doesn't ask (she would have accepted if he had asked).

Art&Craft: he tries a bit of everything, doing it his own way meaning most of it is kind of hideous or about to fall apart, canon luffy is completely fine with that, au luffy though, he's having ton of fun at first but when he gets old enough to see that his dad cant quite fake his enthusiasm or interest towards his disastrous creations he gets frustrated and stops for a while. later, robin finds an old drawing of his and thinks its cute so he start doodling a little again for her.

basically, he struggles keeping a hobby, some like fighting, dancing, bugs and staring at pictures in geography books he keeps through his life but mostly, he's very lonely and bored out of his mind, he's depressed, that's not something that can be helped for as long as he's isolated.

when robin becomes a part of his life everything gets better for him! she spends time with him, read stories for him, helps him get out more often, they even meet bonclay and for a few years he's genuinely happy.

[igotanidea]

Be careful who you bring home : Morpheus x reader

part 2 is up

request/summary by anon: you know how people get pets for emotional support? reader with anxiety or fear of loneliness finds a big black cat in a park and she is just: yeah, you are coming home with me. cat happens to be post imprisonement!morpheus. he wants to argue, but she quickly takes him to her apartment which is conveniently close to the park. reader cooing to cat: who is my little baby and Matthew seeing it from the street and laughing at his boss. with 142 for reader (maybe he said something while being a cat) and 153 for morpheus.

142 was "it's just your imagination", 153 was "put me down" I might have changed the request a little bit but I hope you'll like it. Also thete is a bit of a twist/ crossover in the story. Wonder if you'll get it :D

***

„Have you ever considered getting a pet?”

The girl in her mid-twenties, dressed in comfy, black clothes sitting in front of the therapist frowned in confusion.

“A pet” she repeated “and why would I need that?”

“You know, it is proven that they have positive effect on people who suffer from depression and anxiety, so maybe this would be a good idea for healing process”

“Do you give such advice to all of your patients, doctor Raynor? Did you give such advice to Bucky, as well?”

“We both know he is not that kind of guy.”

“Really, why not?” the girl shrugged “he had some goats in Wakanda after all.”

“Stop joking around.”

“Jeez, fine. I won’t get a pet. In my current mental state I can barely take care of myself, let alone any other living being. Any other words of wisdom coming from you?”

“Not with this attitude. You may leave for now.”

“You know if I was paying you that would be the shittiest session not worth a dime.” She grabbed her coat and without a word, hands in the pocket left the room and not-so-pleased therapist.

A pet. Good joke. A four legged animal who would wake her up in the morning and at night asking for food or caress. A being that would turn her life upside down since it would require constant care and supervision to avoid destroying her apartment. Nope. Thank you very much. She was good enough by herself. Determined to get her head and broken soul back together and get clearance to get back to SHIELD and field operations. She missed that, but apparently beating up a bunch of bad guys leaves you in emotional trauma and in need of recover. Bullshit! She was an agent, for god’s sake, not a crying mess. Her attitude was far from cheerful and optimistic but just today she had to curb her murderous thoughts since one of her nieces were supposed to visit. Jemma was five years old and was still going through her princesses, pink glitter and unicorns faze. She was a challenge to be around, but definitely worth it. Her father, agent’s sister were supposed to drop her in straight to the house, but just a minute ago she got the message about the change in plans. Since the weather was beautiful and it was not often this time of the year, he took the chance for a little walk in the park and decided to meet his sister there instead of in the four walls. As she approached the park, she noticed her family amongst other walking people. Jemma was running around, picking leaved and jumping into the pools with loud, happy squeals. She could not hold back the tiniest smile on her face.

“She’s gonna get all wet and dirty and then who will tend to that?” the girl mocked while coming closer

“Hm, don’t know. I think at this point she would be someone else’s responsibility.”

“Hello, brother.”

“Hello sister” he hugged her tightly “how you’ve been? Life still kicking you in the guts?”

“I mean, when it doesn’t? You know my line of work….” Her brother was convinces she was just some regular office worker dealing with boring documents, since that was simply safer for everyone.

“Right, so mundane and ordinary…..” he rolled his eyes

“Auntie!” Jemma turned around and run straight to her favorite relatives not caring about the mud she left on her trousers while clutching to her legs.

“Hi, cupcake. Don’t you have to much energy?”

“I have so much to tell you! About the rhyme I’ve learned and some new letters I came across and my friends and everything” little girl jumped around in excitement “And I know a new magic trick dad showed me. But I still don’t quite understand it….” she frowned

“It;s ok, cupcake, we can work on that.”

“Oh, thank god. Like I said, your responsibility now. Good luck.” Girl’s brother was quick to get himself some freedom “just don’t give her too much sweets, you know how she gets after that”

“Yeah, too well. See you in a couple of hours then. Come on, Jemma” she took her niece’s little hand sticky with some mysterious substance “ let’s go home.”

If only it was that easy. They only took a couple steps when the little one broke out from aunt’s grip.

“Look, auntie, a cat!” she run over to the bench where unusually big and beautiful animal was soaking up the sun.  Before he realized what hit him, he was squeezed and carried by a little pair of still sticky hands and it was visible he did not like it.

“Jemma! Leave that animal alone. It may hurt you.”

Do not refer to me as “it”. I am a male personification. And put me down! Immediately!

She could swear she heard something in the back of her mind, but let it go. After all, cats do not talk and she was in therapy for mental trouble so it was probably just her mind playing tricks on her.

“Can we take him home, auntie, he’s so sweet, please” little girl pouted

“No. Of course not, look at… him. He is very good looking, so most probably belongs to someone. Not a chance he’s a stray cat. “

“I can’t see anyone looking for him” a couple tears showed up in Jemma;s eyes. “Please, auntie, please….” Great, now she was crying out loud getting the attention of few pedestrians.

“Ok, fine, fine, just please stop crying.”

“Thank you” Jemma stopped her actions in a second and smiled widely showing the jags in her mouth. “I will carry him so don’t worry about it, auntie” she held the cat even closer not caring about him writing in her embrace.

“Just be careful so he won’t hurt you” she warned following her niece, wondering what the hell she got herself into.

I will not hurt this little mortal.

At this point, the older girl was pretty sure she was going crazy. And to think that Raynor wanted her to have a pet to help her mental health, not deteriorate it.

***

“Auntie, look, I made him pretty”

“Mhm, great” she did not even bother to look up from some records she was currently reading “wait, you did what, Jemma?” a second later she came to realization what a five-year-old girl can mean by saying “made pretty”.

“Look, auntie” said five year old was quick to get the cat out from behind and proudly present it. Despite her rather gloomy attitude the older one could not hold back a laugh. Black fur was now embellished  with colorful glitter and was wearing a crown. If it wasn’t for the lack of resources at home Jemma would probably extend her imagination even more.

“Oh” she cooed “look who’s pretty boy” her grin was now getting wider and wider. She was no expert on animal behavior but the look on its face clearly indicated it was not happy with the situation.

“I wanted to give him a braid, but the fur was too short” Jemma saddened

“Don’t worry sweetie, it looks just perfect. Like a ….”

“Princess!” Jemma squealed and turned around with the cat still in her embrace.

“Don’t you both dare. This is humiliating”. Once again there was this little voice inside girl’s head.

“Ok, honey, why don’t you let go of the cat now. I got a snack for you.”

“Chocolate cake?” Jemma asked innocently while playing with her fingers and shyly looking at the floor

“Apple and carrots”

“That is boooooring. And I don’t like carrots” Jemma whined

“Well, too bad for you. I heard veggies give you strength. And then your skin looks healthy and shines almost like the cat’s fur. Wouldn’t you like to look beautiful?”

“I’d rather be smart” Jemma retorted taking her aunt aback with maturity of this sentence “but I guess beauty can help in future. I saw on TV that pretty girls always have what they want so whatever” she shrugged and rushed towards the kitchen where the snack was already waiting for her.

“Unbelievable” her aunt shook her head “but she’ll be busy for a while, so how about we get you all cleaned up, huh?” she picked the cat from the floor and walked towards the bathroom ignoring the writhing animal, who was not happy about forced wash.

Put me down! It demanded again and the girl stopped looking him straight in the eyes trying to check out if she was really going nuts.

“Oh come on, girl, get yourself together. It’s just your imagination.”

She walked straight into the bathroom and started gently combing out the fur. Surprisingly, her action bring the animal comfort because surprisingly to both of them he started purring.

***

Two hours later, tired and sleepy Jemma was picked up by her father and her aunt could finally let the cat out into the wild. It was impossible earlier since the little girl was checking on him every five minutes, refusing to drop this action.

“Sorry about today. “ she muttered opening the door “but hey, on the bring side at least you have a nice story to tell to your fellow cats. Besides, you really are a pretty animal.” maybe it was another impression or the flicker of lights, but it seemed like the cats fur became a bit reddish and he squinted. “go, now, find your owners, get home safe, fella.”

It was just a couple of hours, but the girls was actually starting to think that maybe, hypothetically, Raynor was right about this whole “emotional support pet” stuff.

***

Morpheus bristled and crossed the street. Only on the other side of the road he changed back into the anthropomorphic personification of dreams.

“Um, boss?” his loyal yet rebellious Raven perched on the branch, tilting his head slightly. If he was still human he would probably laugh himself silly.

“Not a word, Matthew. Not a single word about it. To anyone” he reached for his sand and completely ignoring further words of the bird transported them back to the Dreaming “Do I make myself clear” he made sure before entering the palace.

“Sure thing, boss. But it was funny don’t you think?”

“Hold your tongue, Matthew!”

@somest1 @pinksirensong

[infinite-hearts-333]

Smiling Critters Cartoon- Ouřa Thorn

I view the cartoon as the like. OG source of all other aus, even though the toys were probably made first, as well as the experiments, BUT I DO WHAT I WANT RWAH. So this is like. OG Thorn.

This is my explanation of where Thorn lives, and how they came into existence within the cartoon universe.

First of all, this story actually starts off with Bubbles. Although she wasn’t known as Bubbles back then- rather by her species, the Giant White-Tipped Wandering Tarantula- or ‘Big Blue’ as called by the rural farmers that would sometimes see her.

Wandering Tarantulas were a massive but mostly passive species of spider- known for patrolling expansive of land for food and water, and their freakishly good mimicry skills. Sometimes, if you were lucky, you’d see them clamber along the sides of wheat field, ever careful to not flatten any off the plants. They are tenders to the forest- a guardian to ward off any thing that threatens the beasts that reside inside.

One concept that I love and have burrowed is that there are ‘Critters’ aka Dogday ect, that are human like- and then ‘Beasts’ that are animals. And on some rare occasions, if a beast earns an emblem, they can become a critter, like Bobby bear hug from @novalizinpeace (who has a new blog now for their au, go check it out!!!!)

Bubbles was a beast- a very smart beast, just like how animals of our world can be very intelligent.

The way Thorn was born, was just like any other critter- by stork. And in this situation, by pure luck, fate and the animal intelligence that Bubbles possessed.

Litter happens. And sometimes, critters loose things. So whilst one fine morning, when Bubbles is wandering through the forest, they step on a paper, that had blown in, smudging a foot print on the bottom half. This note, was actually a letter- a half finished letter for a child that a parent must have lost.

Not that Bubbles knew that.

Unsure what to do with this paper, the tarantula did what most animals do- copy the creatures that normally have it. By watching the Critters, Bubbles witnessed Critters putting paper in a big red box. So they did the same. And, effectively, mailed a baby request, signed with their foot print.

Now I think there would be a little bit of slack in the Storks since in Nova’s au, King Canv(ass) got Crafty, and apparently Crafty and Dogday wrote a drunk letter and accidentally got another kid, so I’m gonna say that the storks are flexible, in case in more rural places were education isn’t the greatest, writing is a little hard.

And in the topic of rural- some farms just. Do not have addresses, and come on, it’s a magical place and babies come by storks- I’m allowed to bend the rules a little. So for rural places, you leave your finger print on the paper, and the storks use magic to track the print to exactly where you are! Hence why normally, the parent that leaves the print stays at home until the baby comes, cause you don’t want to get them like, at work.

And sometimes, since it’s such a tradition, the parents will leave the finger print instead of their name.

And well…… I feel sorry for that poor stork.

It was a first ever- that a Beast had ever snuck into the stork system. And after checking their equipment four times- nope, the letter was 100% from the Giant Tarantula. Also, there was no rules for this. Was the stork meant to leave a baby with this massive spider??? Take it back? Leave it at an orphanage? (Which was probably didn’t even exist if birth control wasn’t a problem if you get what I mean)

The stork contact their boss, and ofc, he/her/they, didn’t believe it at all. So the stork. Sat the baby down, and watch from afar, pray this animal would take the child.

And she did! The little spiky thing smelt weird, but when Bubbles pressed their pedipalps into the little things softer underbelly, it curled around them with the tiniest little purr ever. And well. Bubbles was therefore convinced that this little thing was their spiderling.

Between the half baked (defiantly a draft) writing and the crinkled, weathered paper with the dirty print- Ouřa Thorn turned out with some issues- the most prominent being that one of their horns had snapped. Whether the horn was to weak and broke, or if it never fully developed- no one knows- but it dreadfully impacted Thorns hearing, and therefore, their volume of their voice when they started interacting with other Critters.

Bubbles also being the Best Mum Ever tm, also was proven when it came to Thorns emblem- mainly because she found it. Thorns emblem is of course, the image of the world serpent- or Ouroboros.

Bubbles had found it deep within the forest, in a tiny old ruin- and well, knowing that their spiderling hoarded shinies like no one’s business, they took it back for them.

To Bubbles knowledge, they love it so much they wear it everywhere they go!

[shady-tavern]

Healing Hearts

Warning for implied Animal and Child Abuse, though nothing graphic, please take care of yourselves.

***

Cloud was a very small and very hopeful cat. Her fur was as gray as the storm clouds she had been born beneath and her family had expected great things of her. She had been very energetic as a kitten, looking forward to finally being big enough that she could help out and be of use. 

To finally be as proud as her big brother, as strong as her mother and as crafty and swift as her father. There was plenty to do with climbing trees to look for birds, tracking mice and keeping lookout for the pack of wild dogs.

But as it turned out, Cloud wasn't very good at many, many things. She fell out of trees when she tried to climb them, she rarely landed on her feet and couldn't stealth through tall grass if her life depended on it. She got distracted watching out for the wild dogs and failed to warn her family in time.

"Maybe it's better if you leave," her brother told her one day, annoyed and tired. His heart was clearly troubled and grim with unpleasant determination. "You are ruining the hunt for all of us and it's unfair that we work hard just to keep you fed when you can't do anything for us."

"I'm doing my best," Cloud protested, upset and hurt and panicked at the idea of being all alone. Of being cast out. "Where would I even go?"

He flicked his tail dismissively. "Anywhere that's not here. Mom and Dad already expect a new litter of kittens and it will be hard enough for us to get them through winter without you there, mooching off of us."

When Cloud looked beseechingly at her parents, her father was studiously looking to the side, tail flicking restlessly. His heart was dark and heavy with what they had decided to do and yet he was too scared to meet her eyes, too scared of seeing the pain he was causing.

Her mother was tired and half asleep, her eyes were apologetic but she didn't speak up. Her heart was worn and exhausted and busy guarding the growing lives beneath it in her belly.

"Go," her brother said quietly, brushing past her. "I'm sure you'll find your place somewhere out there."

Cloud didn't leave right away, even as her heart felt cleaved in two. She lingered and skulked along the edges of her home, until at last the silence of her family drove her fully away.

She felt so desolate, it was nothing but pure luck that she didn't run into the pack of dogs or any other trouble. She walked until it started to rain and then she curled up within a hollowed tree along one of the dirt paths humans had made to travel along.

It took her a long moment to notice the whimper over the gentle, steady rain. Her ears flicked and for a second, she considered not getting up. She was grieving and tired and felt as though her heart had turned to paste, but at last she dragged herself to her feet.

Following the noise, she soon came upon a big, black dog, scars across its muzzle and it was tied down to the ground with a fraying, rough rope. Cloud stilled, startled, but the dog didn't react. He just remained curled up, shivering a little.

"Are you alright?" Cloud asked after a moment and the dog blinked one eye open. He looked very sad and very small, even though he was big. His heart was the darkest and heaviest Cloud had ever seen, filled with pain and grief and worthlessness.

"I was a bad dog," the dog said at last, quiet and so mournful it broke her heart a little. "I always mess up everything."

Despite herself and all her family's warnings, she felt a pang of understanding sympathy. She hesitated, then approached the desolate dog, noticing that he was lashed down so tightly he couldn't get up even if he wanted to.

"What happened to you?" she asked, aghast and the dog closed his eyes again, curling up tighter.

"My master didn't want me," the dog said in the tiniest voice and Cloud was horrified, before anger overtook her. She marched up to the dog and started to chew and claw at the rope until the frayed part snapped.

"Get up," she said and nudged at the startled dog until he clambered to his feet. He was too thin to her liking. "You can't stay here."

"Then where do I go?" the dog asked, fur matted and ears drooping. "I'm not gentle enough with children, too stupid for tricks, too dumb for guarding and too cowardly for fighting. I'm good for nothing."

The words hit home harder than Cloud had thought. She, too, was good for nothing. Too clumsy for climbing, too loud for sneaking and too easy to distract for keeping watch.

"I don't know," she answered at last. "I don't know where to go either." At least he was free now.

When she turned around to leave, the dog hesitantly crept after her. When she didn't protest, he followed her all the way to the hollowed and now they were both curled up within. The space was just barely big enough for them to fit.

After a moment of staring outside Cloud got up again and he looked visibly startled when she curled up against his side. He was warm, even if he smelled of stale air and dust.

They remained there as they waited out the rain and night fell. Some owls hooted and a fox screeched and the dog flinched a little, but stayed calm when she didn't react.

At the first hint of dawn, hunger drove Cloud to her feet. The dog followed her again as they walked down the road in the direction most of the humans traveled.

"Where is your family?" the dog asked quietly after a moment.

Cloud had to wait until her throat stopped aching with grief until she could respond, "They don't want me." She glanced up at her big companion. "I'm not good at anything either."

The dog looked upset on her behalf and hesitated, then offered, "Maybe we can be good at something together?"

That made Cloud thoughtful. Maybe the dog was right, she decided as they walked. Maybe if they worked together, they could make it. "Alright," she said at last and the dog perked up hopefully. "Come on, I think I know where to get food."

The dog looked relieved and eager. As they crested the hill, a settlement came into view. Cloud's family had always warned her away from those places, but she had overheard birds chatting with each other, as they watched her try and fail to climb. They found her clumsiness greatly entertaining.

"People leave food they don't eat outside," she told the dog when he hesitated to set foot into the small town. "We'll be careful. And look, it's still early, so barely anyone is awake."

Hesitantly, the dog followed her at last, almost crawling with how small he tried to make himself. Now came the tricky part. Cloud had heard the birds talk about food, but she had no idea where exactly she was supposed to find it.

She made sure no one spotted them, winding around corners and ducking into hiding spots until the dog suddenly lifted his head.

"I smell something. This way." They followed his nose and soon Cloud smelled what he had caught on the wind. The scent of blood and meat.

There was a building where humans clearly did their killing, which was strange but she wasn't going to question it. Not when bits and pieces got tossed outside. The downside was, they weren't the only ones. Other dogs milled nearby, while wary cats watched from the shadows, ready to swoop in and grab what they could.

"We can find food elsewhere," the dog whispered, looking scared of confrontation. Cloud was about to agree, when their stomachs growled. It hurt and the sound his stomach made was so much worse than hers. He needed food. They both did.

She took a deep breath and stepped forward, her new friend whispering in warning, but to her surprise, he followed still. The dogs paused in their excited staring at the big window and four heads swiveled to look at them.

"Fuck off, kitty," the meanest looking one growled at her, heart sparking in warning like a fire about to blaze bright. "Or you're part of our breakfast."

Her heart was pounding, but even if she was good at nothing, at least she could be brave. She had to be, or they'd go hungry. So when the dog lunged forward with a snarl, she lashed out. It was nothing but pure luck that she had moved when she had. 

Her claws dug deep into the dog's nose and with a pained yowl they flinched back, dripping blood and now they looked scared, the fire in their heart doused swiftly. The rest of the pack lunged to attack and it became a frenzy of clawing and biting and her new friend joined the fray, determined but just as bad at fighting as he had said he was.

"Enough!" someone shouted above and they all flinched apart, staring up at a disgruntled human. "There is enough for all of you, so stop or you'll get nothing at all."

Cloud backed up a step and the pack reluctantly did the same. The human sighed and reached inside to start emptying two buckets, making sure to spread it out as much as possible so everyone got something.

"Hungry lot," he muttered as they all started to snap up pieces. Even the other cats hurriedly grabbed whatever had fallen closest to them. The man's heart was kind despite his rough voice and sharp words and Cloud found herself relaxing a little.

Cloud's big friend managed to snag a piece the size of his head, along with something smaller that dangled from one tooth. Cloud herself grabbed the biggest piece she could and they hurriedly retreated until they felt safe enough to eat.

They laid in the sun together afterwards, sated at last and they enjoyed the sun after a rainy day, keeping an eye out for trouble. They soon explored the town and started to map out the alleys and streets. Cloud made a note of which people were nice and which weren't.

There were so many hearts, good and nasty, bright and dark. Many shifted throughout the day, reflecting the emotions people went through. It helped Cloud in figuring out which humans would be willing to share their food, making her seek out the ones who had happy or soft hearts.

The dog managed to sniff out more places that tossed food outside and Cloud managed to be fast enough to swipe a small fish and later a sausage from someone handing it out to other humans in exchange for something shiny.

"We're doing good so far," Cloud said and the dog hummed in agreement, looking tentatively happy.

They found a place for the night and as the days passed, they settled into a new routine. In the mornings they waited by the butcher, as the man and his employees were called, who threw them all the bits and pieces humans didn't want to eat. Sometimes he tossed them things that smelled a little old, as though they were about to rot, but those were still edible enough for the alley animals.

In the afternoons, Cloud and her friend lingered by the market or other places that had nice people and they ate whatever else they were given or tossed. They sometimes got into fights over food or territory, but managed to establish themselves well enough to get by. 

She was vicious and her companion was big and even if he wasn't good at fighting, he learned to pin down whoever recoiled after getting hit by Cloud's claws. It wasn't pretty, but they made it work.

One afternoon, while Cloud was looking up at a woman with a kind heart with big, pleading eyes, she noticed a struggling crow overhead. The bird looked to be young and one wing was clearly injured. It flew from the roof to the next, barely making the journey. When it tried to get further away, it tumbled and disappeared in a nearby alley.

Accepting the piece of ham Cloud was given, making a quick, sweet noise in thanks, she hurried to where the bird had fallen. She found it crouched between a half broken crate and a trashcan, looking like it was panicking. 

Upon looking closer, the wing wasn't just hurt but tangled up in some kind of see-through, tough string or wire of some kind. The crow's heart was so heavy with grief and fear it might as well have been made of a large stone.

"Do you want some help?" Cloud asked politely around her piece of ham and the struggling bird froze in place, staring at her with wide eyes. "I promise I won't hurt you. Where is your family?"

"Gone," the little bird croaked faintly at last, heart growing even heavier. "I'm alone."

Cloud winced a little. Losing one's family was awful. She set the ham down and carefully approached. The small crow was clearly too terrified to move, but when Cloud started to carefully pull off the string tangled around the wing, the crow inhaled sharply.

When the string was removed entirely, the little crow stared at her in astonishment. A small gurgle of hunger came from the bird's stomach. Cloud thought for a moment, then offered her the piece of ham.

"Can you eat that?" she asked and the bird bobbled a quick nod. "Don't stay here too long, or someone will find you."

With those words, Cloud departed, only to hear struggling hops behind her. Glancing back, she saw that the crow was following, only to stop, ham pinched in her beak.

"Come on then," Cloud decided after a moment and the crow hop-walked to her side hurriedly, glancing around nervously.

Cloud lead the crow back to where the dog was dozing in their hideout and introduced them to each other. It quickly became clear to the bird that she had nothing to fear and the dog was more worried about getting pecked than she was about getting bitten.

And thus, Cloud gained another friend.

They became known as an unlikely trio around town. The little crow, once her wing healed, flew overhead to scout around. They managed to swindle and steal enough food for themselves and kept each other safe from those who did not like having them around.

The hearts of her companions slowly lightened, losing some of the unhappy dimness. They were still burdened, but they had perked up a bit, had regained some of the spirit the world had stolen from them.

Cloud thought they scraped by just fine and she thought about her family in the forest less and less. Her life was going well, most days. 

Sometimes they had to fight harder than usual to have something to eat or to avoid mean people and sure, sometimes she was envious of the pets that had cozy, warm homes where they were always well fed, but those feelings always faded away soon.

She could have found a human for herself, but that would have meant abandoning her friends. She wasn't going to do that. Not when she wouldn't have come as far without them.

It was a gray day, as gray as her fur, with a storm rumbling in the distance, shaping up to be as wild as the one she had been born beneath, when she heard crying. It was human-crying as well, not animal-crying.

Humans usually took care of themselves just fine, but something about the sound didn't sit right with her. Peeking around the corner, Cloud saw a young girl sitting crouched beneath an awning, clothes torn at one shoulder. She was pressing herself against a firmly closed door.

"Please, let me in," the girl begged in a keening voice and her heart was an open, bleeding wound in her chest, oozing despair and panic. "I promise I won't do it again!"

"Go away," someone shouted from beyond the door. "Be lucky we don't just burn you at the stake!"

"I promise I'll never do magic again!" the girl begged around a sob. "I promise I'll be good!"

"Don't lie, we both know you're good at nothing and good for nothing," the voice answered harshly. "Go, this is the only chance I give you, for your late mother's sake. She should have never let you live when you were born with the witch mark."

The girl cried harder and begged again, but no voice answered this time. She slumped down the door at last, curling up tight and cried. Cloud hesitated, then slunk forward. The girl looked up at her meow and when Cloud nudged her leg, she found herself scooped up by trembling hands.

The girl was warm and cried until she was too exhausted to continue. The door didn't open and no one came for the girl. Cloud stayed with the girl for so long, waiting, that the dog and crow came looking for her.

"Come on," she said at last and nudged at the girl until she got up and followed them.

The hideout was a little small for a human girl, but they made do, curling around her to keep her warm. Her heart was still open and bleeding, still oozing despair, but the panic had softened and was nearly gone, instead replaced by exhaustion. 

They were going to take care of her, Cloud decided and when she looked at her friends, their hearts and gazes reflected that same decision.

It was more difficult to keep a human fed, that was for sure. Cloud and her friends worked hard to get enough food and the girl never complained and helped as much as she could, begging for the shiny coins that the crow started to look for. 

She once came back with a piece that made the girl gasp and they didn't go hungry for an entire week. They ate the best food they had ever gotten that week.

The girl was smart, Cloud realized. She knew exactly where they could go to get food and as time passed, Cloud observed her doing strange things. Things no other human did. She stood beneath the full moon and her skin seemed to glow the faintest bit, sometimes she held things in her hands she couldn't have gotten on her own and sometimes she got little glimpses of the future.

Other people started to notice as well sooner or later. They got no more food from the butcher or the other shops and previously nice people avoided them in the streets.

"We don't feed witch-cats," one man who had always given her a piece of fish hissed at Cloud when she meowed sweetly at him. "Leave!"

"My uncle says I'm a witch," the girl murmured when she lit a fire with the snap of her fingers. They had no food tonight, hadn't had much to eat that wasn't stolen out of trash cans in days. "It won't be long now before they decide to burn me. And...I fear what they will do to you."

There was only really one solution then. Cloud exchanged a glance with the dog and crow and that night, while the town slept, they left. On the way out, they stole everything they could.

The crow stood guard outside and sat on windows, watching people sleep as the girl whispered at doors so the locks clicked open. They left with sacks of shinies the girl had used in the past to get food and old skins to stay warm. Next they grabbed food and better, good skins to wrap up in and then they disappeared into the night.

They managed to find their way through the dark, with the crow's eyes in the sky, the dog's nose and Cloud's ears. They fought off whatever dangers came their way as they traveled with cunning and sheer viciousness and a healthy dose of desperate determination.

But as the air grew colder with the passing days, Cloud realized they needed some place to settle. The girl wasn't strong or old enough to make it through winter out in the open and it was slowly growing colder. Luck was on their side at last, when they stumbled across an old cabin, surrounded by a crumbling stone wall.

"A witch's hut," the girl whispered. "I heard rumors that those places draw witches to them when they stand empty for too long, but I didn't think that was true."

It was dusty and smelled old and stale inside, but all the walls were intact, the roof didn't leak and the windows didn't creak. A fire was lit swiftly in the chimney and they curled up, their hearts glad for a dry, warm place to sleep in.

Soon the downright dreary, slightly creepy place transformed. It was as though it came alive the more they made it their home. The floorboards gleamed like they had been recently polished when they were dusted and washed, the walls looked freshly made when the cobwebs were all swiftly removed. 

The garden grew and transformed and with each day, the crumbling garden wall seemed to repair itself. Weeds disappeared and vegetables and herbs grew strong and vibrant instead, offering a last, big bounty before winter came.

The brighter and warmer the place became, the more it turned into their home and Cloud watched the hearts of those around her to grow lighter in turn. Relief at having finally found a safe place softened everyone and allowed hope to shine brighter and brighter the more time passed.

They had found a true, proper home at last and after some exploring once winter had passed, they discovered a village nearby. They cautiously ventured into it to trade shinies for things. Soon it was a normal sight for the residents to see the girl with her animal companions. 

The local herbalist was willing to take the girl under her wing and as they were accepted by the village, they settled into a better, warmer and well-fed life. The girl grew older and as the years passed, Cloud noticed that she didn't really age anymore and neither did the dog and crow.

"Well, you're my familiars now," the witch said, carefully cleaning off small crystals she had found in a river. She smiled wide and happy. "That means we're family for as long as you want to be."

Oh, that was very sweet. Cloud cuddled up to the witch and got the best scratches in return.

"You know," the dog said that evening as they dozed on the thick, soft carpet in front of the warm fire. Snow was slowly falling outside, but they felt none of the cold bite inside. "I'm so glad you found me that day. Even if I'm good at nothing, I still have a life I could have never dreamed of."

Cloud frowned at that. "But you are good at many things," she said and when the dog looked ready to protest, she hurriedly tacked on, "Your nose saved us many times and you always found food for us no matter what. You kept us from going hungry."

The dog ducked his head, bashful but hopeful so she kept talking, "Even if you say you can't fight because you're too cowardly, you always helped me no matter how scared you were. That's real bravery, you know?"

"Oh." The dog was quiet for a long moment, then whispered, "You really think so?"

"Yes, there is no doubt," Cloud said firmly.

The crow flapped down from her perch in the rafters and nodded. "You're strong and big and warm and you always take care of us," she said. "Whoever told you you're good for nothing lied to you. You guys..." She hopped a little closer, voice going warm. "You're my family. When I had nothing, you came and gave me everything."

The dog gently nudged their heads together with a little rumble. "And you're mine." He was quiet for a long moment. "I...never thought about it that way. Do you really think I'm pulling my weight?"

"A hundred times over," Cloud said with certainty, then nudged the crow as well. "And you're our family too."

The crow chirp-cawed happily and they laid snuggled together on the carpet. The crow was asleep and Cloud was about to doze off when the dog murmured, "You're no good-for-nothing either."

Cloud opened one eye and he shifted his head to look at her. "You saved me when no one else would have and you have done the same for our crow friend and our witch." The dog tipped his head a little to the side. "And then you helped us figure out how to survive. We wouldn't have made it if we hadn't all stuck together, if you hadn't found us. So, you know, you're definitely good at something."

Cloud was wide awake now while the dog fell asleep, snoring ridiculously loud within moments. She watched the dog and crow a moment longer, then looked up to where their witch was making a protective charm for a worried villager.

When the witch noticed her staring, she looked up and smiled. "Sleep," the witch whispered. "We're safe here. Safe and happy and we're going to stick together, won't we?"

Cloud chirped a little noise in agreement and settled down. Her heart felt full and as warm as the fire they laid near.

Without realizing, without even meaning to, she had ended up getting everything she had ever wanted. A family that loved her and a purpose, as strange as it may look to others. And sure, she wasn't good at any of the things other cats were good at, but now she didn't have to be. Now it was a good thing that she was strange and different.

She fell asleep with a smile and in the morning the world outside was snowy and cold, but her heart still glowed bright and warm. And when the witch looked knowingly at all of them, when Cloud noticed that they all walked unburdened, she realized they had done it.

They had healed the wounds on their hearts.

[strugglingwriterwattpad]

walter deville teaser

In the magnificent ballroom of a majestic Tudor manor, a spellbinding scene unfolds. Bathed in the soft glow of candlelight, a mysterious woman glided across the polished floor, her movements as graceful as a swan. The haunting melody that filled the air seemed to possess her, guiding her every step between each guest. In the depths of the shadows, a figure stood, his presence both alluring and enigmatic. His face remained concealed, adding an air of intrigue to his already captivating aura. Their eyes locked, two souls drawn together by an invisible force, and the world around them faded into insignificance.

As the music swelled, reaching its crescendo, the stranger took a bold step forward. His voice, filled with a whisper of longing, broke the silence, confessing a love that seems to transcend time itself. “you have no idea how much I love you, Miss Stoker.” The woman's heart raced, her breath catching in her throat, as she was swept away by the intensity of his words.

In the moment frozen in time, their lips finally met in a passionate kiss. It was a collision of desire and longing, a union of souls that defied explanation. But as their embrace deepened, a peculiar taste lingered on the woman's tongue, a metallic tang that sent a shiver down her spine. Suddenly, a surge of curiosity mixed with a hint of fear flooded her heart. The taste of blood upon his lips was unmistakable, a jarring contrast to the tender moment they shared. Questions swirled in her mind, like whispers in the wind. Who was this faceless man? “(Y/N)?” he whispered. “(Y/N)?”

With a sudden jolt, the woman catapulted out of her seat, causing Evie to quickly reach for her pills. "We've landed," Evie whispered, handing her boss a pill with a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry about it," she added, noticing the beads of sweat on her forehead. "Oliver's waiting for us, let's go!" with a nod of her head (Y/N) slowly stood from her seat.

“So, who lives here again?” Evie asked as (Y/N) sat in the car, cruising along the secluded roads on the outskirts of Whitby, she couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia. The ever-changing weather, a characteristic she had missed dearly, played its whimsical game once again. One moment, the sky was a brilliant canvas of blue, devoid of any clouds, and the next, it transformed into a murky grey, with gusts of wind that seemed to dance through the air. “The De Ville family.” As they continued their journey, (Y/N)'s gaze was drawn to the enchanting woodland that enveloped their family estate. It was as if nature had painted a masterpiece, with emerald green shades blending seamlessly into fern green's vibrant hues. The lushness of the trees and foliage created a mesmerizing tapestry, inviting her to explore its hidden secrets. “But our family will be staying the weekend for the festivities.”

“Holy shit. are they royalty or something?” as the manor came into view (Y/N) felt a sense of familiarity. Nestled amidst a sprawling landscape, stood an opulent white brick mansion exuding an aura of wealth and influence. Its majesty matched only by the pristine gardens that surrounded it, meticulously manicured to perfection. Every corner of the magnificent abode reflected the abundance of riches it houses, while the walls remained untouched by even the tiniest speck of dirt. “No, it's just old money. England's full of it.” the artist knew something felt strange about the manor. It felt like home to her, and she couldn’t tell if she liked it or not.

“Welcome to New Carfax Abbey. Let me find our host.” As Oliver wandered off to find the owner (Y/N) also started to wander around the outside of the beautiful building. As she approached the entrance, the pillar carvings beckoned to her with an irresistible allure. Intricate and mesmerizing, they depicted a whimsical dance of enchanting forest creatures, each one brought to life in the bleached stone. These were no ordinary animals; they were the very same majestic beings she had encountered in her adventures. The sight filled her with an overwhelming sense of wonder and curiosity, igniting a fire within her. She yearned for the owner's permission to document every intricate detail, to capture the essence of this extraordinary building. Her excitement surged through her veins, as her mind raced with a flood of ideas, eager to be transformed into words on paper.

“I hope you don’t mind I brought a friend with me, Lord Deville,” Evie spoke pointing towards (Y/N) as she traced the pillar with her manicured nails. “(Y/N).” She called out but the girl seemed to ignore her. evie and the lord watched her closely, the rich gentleman listened to her breathing slow down as if slipping into a trance. “(Y/N)!” Evie called once again but still no reply. As the man gracefully approached the mesmerized woman, his presence seemed to cast a spell of intrigue. With a gentle touch, his large hand found its place on her shoulder, as if to guide her deeper into the enchanting world of his home. And there she stood, lost in a trance, her gaze fixated on the captivating artwork that adorned the brick. “miss are you alright.” His voice as smooth as milk snapped her from her brain her twinkling eyes locking with his stormy ones. The two matched their gaze smiling lightly at the sense of familiarity of each other.

“I'm sorry were you both calling me?” she stuttered looking towards Evie was an embarrassed look. “don’t worry (Y/N) your probably jet lagged.” She laughed picking up the poor girl's bag from the ground. “Walter, this is (Y/N). the artist I was telling you about.” The man now known as Walter stared back at (Y/N) his storm eyes now swapped with a flash of light of excitement. “it’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Stoker. I am a very big fan of your work. obviously.” The sun-kissed hue of his skin suddenly blushed with a fiery red, as if caught off guard by his own rambling. It was almost endearing to witness him in such a vulnerable state as if his emotions were laid bare for all to see. But there was no denying the transformative power of the new face that had entered his life, for it had swiftly altered his entire demeanour. “I'm glad you enjoyed them Mr Deville and thank you for the generous donation to the gallery I can assure you there are big plans for it.” his smile couldn’t get any bigger, but it did. The sound of her voice lulled his heart into a stuttering beat as if it had been out of service for many moons.

“come let me show you around the manor. I hope you like how I've displayed your art.” His cotton-covered arm poked out to her as an invitation to his home. She slowly slipped her arm into his feeling a familiar spark ignite in their touch. His smell was so calming and alluring sending her into a high, her doing the same to him. Walter held her small hand in a comfortable tightness not wanting her to slip from him again.

[tumbleweed-run]

Meet My Zoo

Marco and Polo

(Polo is on the left, Marco on the right)

Marcito the Dorito and Pollo

My old boys, they’ll be 10 this September. They are some of the most bonded cats I’ve ever met. They got their names because my big kids were little when we got them and the kittens would begin yelling as soon as they lost sight of one another.

Marco loves everyone, wants to be pet RIGHT NOW. And then proceeds to drool all over you when you do pet him. He has nakey legs because once, SEVEN YEARS AGO, our dog brought home fleas and he’s compulsively taken his hair off ever since. The vet says he’s fine, just neurotic (same bud, same).

Polo loves Marco and my oldest son. He tolerates everything else.

Odin and Freyja

Obediah G Finklesnarf and Wheezy

They just turned 4 in July.

We got these two as bottle babies after their mom rejected them.

Odin is a big cat. Like really the kind that makes people stop and comment on how big he is. While he’s currently on a diet but the vet estimates he’ll never be below 15-16lbs, currently he’s 18lbs. He’s a big baby and truly believed our dog was his mother. I now get the joy of waking up to his murder paws bearing all his weight onto my ribs every night. He loves being brushed and playing fetch with hair ties.

Freyja is the prettiest cat I’ve ever seen. She’s soft and silky, with a gorgeous feather plume tail. She’s the tiniest adult cat we have weighing 9.5lbs. She enjoys being looked at but not touched. The only person allowed to brush her is my middle son, and she rewards him by sleeping in his bed. Freyja has 6 confirmed critter kills despite being a strictly indoor cat, she once caught a live bat in our basement. She’s our only cat to have ever caught and killed something. (She’s also our most expensive cat because she’s very sensitive to vaccinations but due to her bloodlust I’m terrified she’ll contract rabies so she gets vaccinated and then spends 24hrs in observation at the vet. Every. Time. )

Luke & Leia

Lukey Dookey and Leiabeaia

They are our newest babies at only 3 months. They’re only babies yet and very much growing into their personalities but I love them so much already.

Luke is the sweetest boy, loves cuddles and being held. The boy has absolutely no self preservation instinct. He’s often found being held upside down or trying to fight Odin. His only saving grace is that Odin thinks the kittens are the coolest things. Luke IS smart enough to run to a person when he’s scared, which he often is.

Leia is a strong independent woman. For their own safety the kittens used to sleep in a large crate until we felt everyone was comfortable. She would scream her whole way to the crate and make it impossible to catch her. She is the reason they earned night time freedom. She can often be found beating the crap out of her brother.

Charlie

Charles T Bunneh

We have zero idea how old Charlie is, he’s at least 3 but possibly as old as 6. Charlie was an unintentional acquisition. A family member did that very cliche thing of getting pregnant and no longer having time for him. My youngest son’s favorite animals are rabbits. I’m sure you figured out what happened. Our vet actually laughed at me when I said I was done collect animals during his first visit. (It was not, he was actually gotten a month before the kittens)

Charlie is the goodest bunny. Has no problem with our cats, will occasionally chase Luke but it’s definitely playful. He sits so nice for nail trims. He’s learned my husband’s schedule and the only time I’ve ever heard him thump was when my husband was home late and therefor late giving Charlie his snack.

WE ARE DONE with new animals for a very very long time.

[wheels-of-despair]

Live A Little | A Worth It AU | Ralph Penbury x You | Masterlist

In This Edition: You run into Ralph, talk a lot, and make up stories! Words: 3.3k

Breakfast is a tense affair.

You try to pretend like everything is normal. As if every time you look up, in any direction, there is not a young lady staring at you. Is this what circus animals feel like? Step right up and witness the girl who ruined everyone's fun!

You eat silently and keep your eyes on your plate.

"What's going on?" Aunt Molly asks, her voice hushed.

"I'm just not feeling well," you lie.

"Is that why every girl in here is giving you the stink-eye?"

You try not to look as pathetic as you feel.

"What did you do?" she whispers. Not accusing. Just asking. You consider it for a moment. Do you really have to explain all the awful events of yesterday over breakfast? With them all around you? Would you ever actually admit to being a part of a game like that?

"The right thing," you eventually answer. Your aunt's mouth twitches into a smile, and you feel a little better.

"What are your plans for the day? A few of us are thinking of visiting the Turkish Baths. Would you like to come?"

"No, thank you," you smile with a shake of your head. "I think I'll just take in some fresh air on deck."

"Alright," she says, a little suspiciously. And she's right to be. You're going to visit the library you spotted in the lounge, grab a book you haven't read before, and you're going to hide in your room with it until she drags you back out again.

When breakfast is finished, you part ways, agree to meet back here for lunch, and scan your surroundings. The coast is clear, so you begin your brisk walk upstairs, hoping to make it to the library and back to your room undetected.

You sigh in relief as you step through the doors of the lounge. Nearly there. As soon as you're close enough to read the titles on the spines, you start scanning for something you'd like to read. You should probably grab a random book and go, but there are just so many choices! It's not like Victoria's gang would be loitering around the library, after all.

When you finally make your selection, your sense of urgency returns. You should get back to your room. You turn to make a hasty exit, and immediately crash into someone. Your book falls to the floor, along with his.

"I'm dreadfully sorry!" the man says, already reaching to pick them up.

"It was my fault," you assure him. "I wasn't watching…" You trail off when you realize that you've run into Ralph Penbury.

"Are you alright?" he asks, holding your book out to you. You take it, thankful there are no bent pages in your borrowed book, and hold it to your chest.

"Yes," you breathe. The dark circles beneath his eyes indicate that he hasn't slept well. He looks quite shaken. Your eyes drift to the book in his arms, and you smile, realizing your plans had been the same. "Were you going to hide in your room with a book as well?"

He looks down and blushes, then raises his head with the tiniest of smiles. "Actually, Victoria is holding court in our private sitting room, and I thought I'd hide in here."

"Plotting my demise, I suppose?" you joke.

"Are you frightened?" Ralph asks, eyes wide and genuine.

"No, not frightened," you say with a shake of your head. "Just… nonconfrontational." Ralph nods in understanding. "Do you think she'll find something else to be angry about before the trip's over?"

"She probably has already," he chuckles. You do too. His laugh is infectious. "Would you like to…" His hopeful face falls as he drifts off.

"Would I like to what, Ralph?"

He shifts his weight on the plush carpet and looks nervous all of a sudden. "W-would you like to go for a walk on deck? While they're downstairs?"

"I'd love to," you smile. His face brightens again, and he offers you his arm, just like last night. You take it gratefully and let him lead you out of the lounge.

"Oh! Let me take that!" he says hurriedly, holding his book out and gesturing for you to put yours on top of it.

"Ralph, I can carry a book."

"Please?" he asks. You can't say no to those big brown eyes. You place your book on top of his, and he holds them at his side. You stroll the deck, breathing in the lovely sea air and enjoying his company. But the quiet somehow feels different than last night. You feel obligated to fill it.

"I bet the girls adored you in school," you remark.

"Pardon?"

"In stories, boys always offer to carry a girl's books," you explain. "But I believe you're the first boy who's ever done that for me. I bet when you were in school, the girls loved you for it."

"I… er…" Ralph chuckles nervously. "I went to an all-boys school."

"I wish mine had been all girls," you lament. "The boys were horrible."

"I'm sorry," he says quickly.

"The boys I grew up with were nothing like you," you assure him. "I bet you could teach them all a thing or two about being a gentleman."

His face goes crimson, and you try to hide your smile.

"What was your school like?"

The conversation carries on, nonstop, until a bugle sounds.

"Is it lunchtime already?" you ask in shock.

Ralph checks his pocket watch, and holds it in front of you so that you can see the time for yourself.

"Did we really walk in a circle all morning?" Ralph asks.

"I believe we did," you laugh, looking around at the people shuffling inside. You'd been so engrossed in conversation, you'd lost track of time, and forgotten all about your plan to hide in your room with the book Ralph had been carrying all morning.

"Would you care to…" Ralph bites his lip at the sudden onset of nervousness. You give him an encouraging smile, and he recovers quickly. "Victoria will be in one of the cafés," he explains. "Says it feels more exclusive. Would you like me to find out which one, so we can visit the other?"

"That sounds lovely, Ralph… but I'm supposed to meet my aunt for lunch in the dining saloon," you say apologetically. His face falls, and so does your heart. "But perhaps we could meet afterwards? I'd love to hear more about your summer holidays at the manor house."

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"Of course," you smile.

"Alright," he says, face brightening again. "Shall we reunite right here at 2:30?"

"Perfect!" you grin.

"Would you like…?" Ralph offers you the book he's been toting around all morning, and you take it.

"We did a lot of reading today, didn't we?" you wink.

Ralph laughs.

"I'll see you soon, Ralph," you smile as you take a step back.

"I can't wait!" he says excitedly.

You head to your room to freshen up, where you run into your aunt.

"I knew it," she says as you enter.

"You knew what?"

"I knew you were holed up with a book somewhere."

"Actually," you laugh and drop the book on your bed, "I didn't read any at all. I ran into someone in the library, and we've been walking the deck and talking all morning. We're meeting again after lunch."

"Oh?" she grins. "What's her name?"

"His name is Ralph Penbury." You feel your face heating up, and busy yourself with getting ready for lunch.

"Oh?" she asks, much more interested now.

"Don't get excited, we talked about school and our families and going on holiday."

"Going on holiday? Dare I assume your new friend is a proper British gent?"

"Dare I assume you're going to tease me about this all day? Or are we going to lunch?"

Aunt Molly laughs and starts getting ready.

Lunch passes uneventfully, but seems to take forever. Aunt Molly notices you checking the clock every minute, and tells you to go on… and that you can invite your new friend to dinner, if you like.

You scurry back to the deck, as if waiting there will make time pass faster than waiting in the dining saloon.

You return to the place you and Ralph had agreed to meet - the little section overlooking the lower decks, where you'd been when lunch was announced - and grasp the railing. You close your eyes for a moment to appreciate the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. You felt so free out here.

"Hello," a voice says from behind you. You turn with a smile to see Ralph, standing cautiously a few feet way.

"Hello, Ralph," you greet, unable to contain your smile. Ralph's expression soon morphs into a happy one. His eyes sparkle as he steps closer, coming to stand by the rail with you.

"Have you been here long?" he asks. "I didn't mean to keep you waiting." He checks his pocket watch nervously.

"I arrived mere moments before you," you laugh. You'd tried to take your time, but it didn't seem possible. The thought of spending more time with Ralph Penbury put a certain, as Aunt Molly had put it on your way to lunch, "pep in your step." You'd never met anyone like him before. He was sweet, and funny, and genuine in a way you couldn't get enough of.

"What were you doing?"

"Just enjoying the fresh air," you explain.

"Oh," he says, looking a bit… disappointed? "I thought you might be making up stories."

"Making up stories?"

"About people… it's stupid, forget I mentioned it," he says quickly, facing forward. His cheeks burn red.

"No, please! I'd love to know."

He looks at you with a calculating expression, as if he's trying to determine whether you're mocking him or not, and eventually the corner of his mouth quirks itself into a sly smile.

"It's something I do to pass the time. I make up stories about people. Who they are, where they're from, where they're going and why."

"That sounds like fun," you tell him.

"My sister says it's stupid," he mumbles.

"Your sister doesn't really strike me as the type who enjoys thinking about other people," you say without thinking. Your statement leads to a brief panic, wondering if you'd overstepped.

Ralph tries and fails to suppress a smile, and you relax.

"Have you imagined my story?" You'd covered a lot of subjects this morning, but the life waiting for you at home had been carefully sidestepped.

"I may have," Ralph says with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Are you going to tell me what kind of exciting life you've imagined for me?"

Ralph shakes his head.

"Well!" You huff and stick your nose up in the air in a gesture of high-class snobbery, causing you both to dissolve into a fit of giggles.

"What about him?" You ask, subtly nodding your head toward a twenty-something man in a nice suit, leaning on the rail nearby and staring into the distance.

"Hm." Ralph stares at the man so intensely, you can almost see the wheels turning inside his beautifully shaped head. "He's had a dream about a beautiful woman with long red hair who lives in Boston. He's thought of no one else for weeks. So he's going there to find her, and bring her home with him, and marry her."

"That's lovely," you breathe.

Ralph grins. "Your turn."

"Alright," you respond with a matching grin. "Who's my subject?"

Ralph scans the area, and nods toward a woman who's fallen asleep in her chair, a large black hat covering her face.

"Black hat?" He nods in confirmation, and you stare at her sleeping figure until a story comes to you. "She's left her awful husband, sold all her jewels, and plans to start a new life in America. She wants to move to some small town, rent a room from some sweet old lady, and become a schoolteacher. But right now, she's just happy to be free and in the sunshine, surrounded by happy strangers."

Your gaze lingers on her for a moment before returning to Ralph, seeking his approval. He smiles and nods, and you feel a wave of relief wash over you.

"That was quite good for a first time. Are you sure you haven't done this before?"

You laugh. "No, I don't believe I have. But now that I've started, I don't know that I'll be able to stop."

"Excellent! Will you think of me when you play?" he asks with pride.

"Every time," you assure him, feeling a sudden burst of fondness for the boy whose heart you helped shatter last night. "Shall we continue?" He nods excitedly, and you search the area for your next subject. "The lady in the yellow dress." Ralph zeroes in on her almost instantly, and his face cracks into a wonderful smile.

"Five days ago, she received word that her childhood sweetheart was set to marry someone else. She purchased her ticket immediately, and is on her way to stop the wedding and win him back. She prays every morning and night that the ship docks on time, because she won't have a moment to lose."

"Are all of your stories so romantic?" you ask.

"Unfortunately," he grumbles, looking at the deck. Poor boy.

"I don't think it's unfortunate at all," you tell him gently. "I think it's wonderful that you imagine these epic love stories for everyone. Your stories may be the closest to real love some people ever get." You look to the sea and swallow the lump forming in your throat. "The world would be a much better place if everyone had a heart as big as yours."

After a moment of silence, you hazard a glance at Ralph. When your eyes meet his, it's as if the breath has been knocked from your lungs. You stare at each other for seconds that feel like hours… and then… a roar of laughter erupts from a crowd of men on the deck below.

"Right," Ralph says, clearing his throat. "Who's next?"

You eventually retreated to a pair of deck chairs, but the game continued all morning. You and Ralph imagined stories about jewel thieves, secret lovers, runaways, time-travelers, and one shaggy gentleman who might turn into a werewolf on the next full moon. You'd never had so much fun in your life.

When the bugle sounds again, you remember Aunt Molly's invitation. You hadn't been sure at lunchtime, but now? You couldn't wait for your two favorite people on board to meet.

"Would you like to join my aunt and I for dinner?" you ask.

His face lights up, and then darkens. What's going in that head of yours, Ralph Penbury?

"I wouldn't want to impose," he mumbles.

"You wouldn't be," you assure him. "I told her about the boy who managed to keep my nose out of a book all morning, and she was flabbergasted. She'd love to meet you!"

Ralph still looks hesitant.

"And she can tell you all about her horses!"

"Alright," he finally agrees. You'd told him about her this morning, and he'd seemed fascinated by the idea of a woman running a business. On a farm, no less! "If you're sure?"

"Absolutely," you smile. "I'll meet you in the reception area at 7:00?"

You part ways once again. Aunt Molly is delighted that you've extended her dinner invitation, and that your new friend has accepted. You dress quickly and arrive in the lobby to find him already waiting.

He greets you with a smile that brightens the whole room.

"That's him," you whisper, while you walk slowly to meet him halfway. Aunt Molly spots him immediately.

"Oh, if that isn't the cutest little bean I've ever seen," she remarks. You're glad Ralph isn't close enough to have heard it.

"Aunt Molly, this is Ralph Penbury. Mr. Penbury, this is my favorite aunt and traveling companion."

They clasp hands and greet each other warmly. The crowd begins to move, and you move with it. The three of you proceed through the door together and take your seats.

"Tell me about yourself, Ralph," your aunt insists.

The conversation flows beautifully. Ralph recaps his life story for the second time that day, and you smile and nod fondly at your favorite parts. He's so animated and fun to watch. His big brown eyes tell a story of their own. They sparkle with excitement when he talks about traveling, and seem to grow dim when he talks about his family.

Your Aunt Molly is a fine judge of character, but a poor poker player. You can see on her face that she adores him. She laughs at all the right times, and asks him follow-up questions that he's more than happy to answer. He returns the favor when she tells him about herself and her horse farm.

You hardly said a word through several courses of fine food, but you were happy just to observe. You were quite glad that Victoria and her herd were too good to eat the food that was included with the price of the ticket. Her insistence on patronizing the other restaurants meant that you could enjoy a wonderful meal without worrying about her at all. It was perfect.

After dinner, you and Ralph decided to head outside for another walk and a bit of fresh air.

"I quite like your aunt," Ralph says as you step into the cool night air. He slips off his jacket without a word and drapes it across your shoulders.

"Thank you," you smile. "I quite like her, too."

"She reminds me of my Uncle Albert," Ralph smiles. "That's who we're going to see. Victoria and I last visited him three years ago. It was such a ghastly trip. It took nearly two weeks to arrive! Imagine, two weeks on a ship with my sister!"

"Must I?" you grin.

Ralph laughs. "In the end, it was worth it. My uncle throws the best parties. He showed us all the sights. I love New York!"

"Have you been anywhere else in the States?" you ask.

"No," he admits. "What else is there?"

"Everything," you smile. "There are mountains and rivers and deserts and swamps. Big towns and small towns and ghost towns. More animals than you can even imagine."

"Really?"

You nod.

"I'd quite like to see some of that."

It's on the tip of your tongue to offer to take him there. Would that be out of bounds? You've just met the man. What's gotten into you?

You smile at him, and he smiles back.

You continue talking and walking the promenade until your legs grow tired, then settle onto a bench. You lean your head back to look at the stars, and Ralph copies you.

"Thank you for inviting me to dinner," he says quietly. "And for listening to me today. I'm sorry I talk so much."

"Don't apologize, Ralph. I'm quite happy I got to know you."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Then would you…" Ralph trails off, and you turn your head toward him.

"Would I what, Ralph?"

"Would you like to meet me tomorrow? It's alright if you don't, I know I'm--"

"I'd love to," you cut him off before he can self-destruct. "How about we meet right here, after breakfast?"

"Alright," he grins at the sky.

After a while, Ralph walks you back to your room and bids you goodnight with another kiss to the back of your hand. You're glad that your aunt is already asleep when you step inside your cabin, because you can't hide your smile.

You don't know what you're going to do tomorrow, but you're happy you get to do it with him.

[picathartidae]

WIP Whenever

Thank you @vestigialpersonality for the tag!

I’ve actually had a really productive time with writing lately, but despite all my hopes of sticking to my loose fortnightly update schedule, the latest chapter of Breathe has a tonne of stuff going on and is looking like it’s going to end up way longer than usual. But here’s the first 450 words or so of Grey and company finally arriving at Last Light Inn.

Tagging @feedthepheasants, @thetavolution, and @rinwellisathing (no pressure at all to participate!)

Vines burst from the ground, ripping themselves up from the dirt as they reached Grey’s feet, coiling around his legs before he could even register what was happening and holding him there. Impulsively, he fought, straining against them in his effort to get away as they slithered up his body, wrapping tightly around him and lifting him off his feet entirely, suspending him in the air and holding him completely immobile. The smallest, tiniest branches crawling over his shoulders and slowly constricting around his neck.  Not enough to actually hurt him. Just enough that he couldn’t breathe very well. He would’ve sighed, if he was capable. It was hardly a new sensation. “Grey!” Somewhere behind him, Karlach was screaming for him, along with the sound of heavy footfalls and an axe being drawn. Only to immediately stop as too many arrows to count were nocked and aimed squarely in their direction.  The vines tightened.  Grey gasped as he felt his throat being slowly forced closed, and stabbing pains shooting through his chest as his ribs began to crack under the pressure. He twitched and jerked, pulling helplessly against the vines that still held him perfectly in place, desperately trying to reach up and pry them from his neck.  This was it, then. He was going to die. He’d helped a scouting party of Harpers escape the shadows and in return they’d led them to a safe place and instead of actually getting any kind of welcome, he was going to fucking die here. But this was what happened when he tried, wasn’t it? When he did whatever pathetic little he could to try to help people? How many times had he been the hero, these past tendays? How many times had he tried to do the right thing? How many times had those efforts been met with failure, or disdain, or otherwise general hostility? The refugees were dead. The druids had gone on with their lives like nothing ever happened in the first place. The Ironhand Gnomes were likely going to blow the entire Sword Coast to smithereens. The githyanki were hunting them down like fucking animals. And now the Harpers were going to kill him. At this point, why was he even surprised? Jaheira — the half-elven druid currently holding him captive — clenched her fist a little tighter, and the vines tightened their stranglehold on Grey just that little bit more.  “Stay where you are,” she barked out harshly, in a surprisingly strong Tethyrian accent. “Or your friend here will not live to see you fall.”

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

pets i think the gallagher siblings would have post s11

this is such a ridiculous thing to fixate on but i literally can’t stop thinking about it and i need to write it all down lol

fiona:

i think it would take fiona a while to get to the point in her life where she could stomach caring for a pet, but when she did, it would be a dog. seeing her bond with rusty really makes me think she’d be such a good dog mom! especially since she’s such an anxious, high energy person; having a dog would force her into a healthier routine for herself, give her built-in ways to handle stress (running!), and just be so good for her mentally.

i definitely think fi would go to her local animal shelter and find the dog that’s been there the longest, the one no one else wants, and take it home. whether it’s the lil baby who’s sick/injured, ‘too old’ for people, the momma who’s depressed and doesn’t want to play because her babies all got adopted, the abused dog who’s reactive and nervous — fiona doesn’t care. she knows the feeling of being alone and scared and hurt all too well. she ends up adopting a giant, terrified baby of a dog (pittie maybe?) who needs special care because of a disability and they are thick as thieves immediately.

fiona would be such a good pet owner and so fiercely protective over her (she relates a little too much to being seen as “dangerous,” “chaos,” etc. when she’s just hurt and needs love) but so so so nervous she’s doing it all wrong. cue six months of frantic googling and stress smoking by the window so the dog doesn’t breathe in the smoke. but she does a great job, and the baby is so happy with her. maybe a little too happy; she demands to sit in fi’s lap at every given opportunity, and absolutely crushes her and liam under her weight when flopping down onto them for cuddles. they adore her. she adores them. they spoil her rotten, but she deserves it.

lip:

i see lip as a snake dude! he’d say he adopted a snake because it makes him look badass and cool, but really he just thinks they’re so interesting and pretty. plus, they’re bioengineering marvels! he was probably obsessed with them as a kid, and read those little creepy crawly books on them out loud to ian before bedtime (before fiona made him stop because it freaked ian out too much).

he gets a corn snake at first, and it’s the sweetest, cuddliest thing ever. most mornings when he’s getting freddie’s lunch packed and ready for elementary school and brewing coffee and combing his hair, the snake’s just chilling around his neck and hanging out. literally lol. it’s also so gentle and playful with freddie, who pets it like it’s a cat. a few years later, lip gets a ball python who is an absolute asshole. it is also, unfortunately, his favorite. tami says it’s because they’re so similar. lip insists it’s because he always falls for people who are mean to them, so tami takes to calling it the missus. it’s a whole thing.

i think tami would also push for getting a dog/a more “traditional” pet, which lip would be just fine with. the snakes live mainly in his office, anyway, so it’s not a problem. lip likes the dog, and loves watching freddie play with it, but it’ll never be as cool as his snakes.

ian:

i think ian and mickey would get a cat. maybe multiple! their first cat would be the scrungliest, meanest, bitchiest little one-eyed, flea-bitten asshole known to man who takes forever to warm up to them, but finally settles in after lots of bribery and cuddles and trust. he would bond more with mickey (maybe because of their kindred assholery?) and ian would be secretly so damn jealous. unfortunately, however, its the cutest thing he’s ever seen. so the cat gets a pass.

they’d get another cat after mickey starts insisting that their first little baby is getting lonely. ian thinks they should be thinking about adopting a human baby instead, but mickey isn’t quite ready yet. so they take in the tiniest cotton ball of a kitten ever, who grows immediately and inextricably attached to ian. he instantly lords it over mickey, who’s just happy to see his husband so enamored with the little floof (who ends up huge!).

when they adopt their first child, they think the first cat will have more trouble than the second, but they’re dead wrong. the tiny asshole is obsessed with the baby and won’t stop grooming them and purring at them and standing guard over the crib. the fluffy white cat is terrified and steers clear whenever the baby cries. mickey thinks it’s hilarious. ian has a picture of his husband, child, and two cats napping together on the couch as his screen saver.

debbie:

another one i feel strongly about: debbie and franny are spider girlies! franny decides one day that they’re her favorite animals, and debbie is thrilled because she and carl were the only gallagher siblings who weren’t afraid of them as kids and they feel special to her. (maybe fiona has arachnophobia and would stand stock still in terror and ask debbie to please please please take the spider out of the house asap; the first time it happened was the first time debbie felt strong and brave like her big siblings). debbie and franny do tons of research together and get a mexican redknee tarantula.

the tarantula is a darling. franny learns to be incredibly gentle and careful and bravely lets the little critter climb all over her arms and into her hair, and debs is beaming with pride every time. she takes a million pictures. she thinks it’s so charming that the orange of the spider’s legs blend in with the color of both of their hair. so fun! debbie’s favorite thing is taking care of the tank, and she’s always getting seasonal, spider-safe decor to put in there. franny loves feeding her live crickets. she likes watching the spider hunt and eat them. she thinks it’s the coolest thing ever.

debbie and franny have a couple dream spiders they wish they could have, but they simply don’t have the space/money yet to get them. debbie really wants a whole family of red rumps. franny wants a gooty sapphire — partially because they look so cool, partially because the name is hilarious. when franny is a little older, they move into a bigger house and are able to get an appropriate sized tank for their dream critters. they invite the family over for a housewarming (spider warming?) party. fiona is terrified and sweating and shaking the entire time but takes pictures of the others holding the spiders and gets franny a jellycat spider stuffy.

carl:

watching carl be so gentle and compassionate with those sick dogs in the basement makes me think he’d be so so so good with older/sick/disabled dogs. i think he’d be a really good dog dad and just have the dearest, purest bond with a little guy who maybe uses one of those tiny scooter things for his hind legs to get around (and join carl on runs!). i can also totally see him adopting an ex-police dog! i think it would be the push he needs to get out of law enforcement work (because let’s be real, after his season of disillusionment with cops and buying the alibi, i don’t think he’s staying in the field) and it would be so so good for him.

he and fiona would of course commiserate on the best ways to take care of a traumatized/injured dog. carl would learn to feel more capable and self confident in his abilities as he figures out innovative ways to care for him and provide the mental stimulation he needs without aggravating any injuries. it would just be so good for him. the lil guy would hang out at the alibi or wherever else carl works next and be everyone’s buddy and carl’s pride and joy.

i think he would also end up rescuing/rehabbing a lot of weird critters over the years. especially ones that people tend not to like, like skunks and opossums and rats and whatnot. he’d really relate to being feared/disliked for being “bad” because of his troubled-kid past, and advocate for them. also, his childhood experimentation on little creatures would definitely help him understand what makes them tick and how to help them get better lol.

liam:

so in this hc liam lives with fiona after the series because that’s what should have happened in the show and he simply adores their dog! they’re best friends and she sleeps at the foot of his bed and he loves her so so deeply. but when he grows up and moves out, he doesn’t get a pet for a very long time. after all, his siblings are all constantly coming over with their critters, he’s always pet sitting, always seeing pictures, etc etc etc, so he just doesn’t feel the need to get a pet himself. instead, he lives his best life and enjoys having a pet vicariously through all his siblings for a while.

i think liam would only get a pet after fiona passes away. with her poor self care habits and high stress life, fi goes young — not crazy young, but not old enough to die by any means — and it hits the kids hard, but hits liam the absolute hardest. he’s really lost for a very long time. one day, he finds the tiniest, angriest kitten in the world on the side of the road and decides to rescue it. it scratches the fuck out of him on the way to the vet and he is instantly and unfortunately attached to this little gremlin. he decides to adopt her, despite the fact that she’s very sickly and angry and nasty and doesn’t want anything to do with him. for like six months, they’re at each other’s throats constantly. liam considers giving her to ian and mickey or simply putting her up for adoption like every other week. he hates her guts but can’t stomach the thought of getting rid of her.

finally, eventually, they start to get along. or at least, the cat tolerates liam, and liam begrudgingly starts to like her back. they sit on the couch and watch tv together and judge people’s messy decisions on trashy soaps. the cat stops screaming at him to wake up in the middle of the night and instead walks all over him in his sleep and curls up on his neck to snooze. eventually, she stops trying to kill him. ultimately the cat definitely helps liam through his grief. she does not help the state of his wallet, though; she’s a classy lady and demands the finest of things in her home. liam still kinda hates her (affectionate). he doesn’t name her fiona but sometimes he imagines he’s raising a tiny, angry, traumatized baby fi. it helps.

[a-forger-and-a-point-man]

007 Fest 2023 / Original Characters Day

James Bond's Cleaning Lady Fran.

Fran comes to this London flat once a week to tidy up, dust, mop, and clean the kitchen and bath.

She's a 5-foot-1, middle-aged Irish woman with greying red hair.

She works for a third party contracted with MI6. Can't have unvetted housekeepers walking into a double oh's flat.

Fran knows how James Bond lives, when he lives here. Most of the time she guesses nobody has been inside since the last time she was there. And the time before that. And before that.

He reads naval history books and drinks too much. The TV isn't actually hooked up to anything but a thumb drive. The walls are pristine - nothing has ever been hung there. There are too many eggs in the fridge, but when he's here, he cracks just as many for his meals. And Fran wonders if he'll ever really unpack his moving boxes.

His nightstand has trinkets on it in a clear box. Souvenirs, maybe gifts. She wonders who buys him things, this man she's never met. There is a keyring - or maybe it's jewelry - fashioned as a knot. There's also what appears to be the world's tiniest radio. And there is... animal fur? No, a lock of short, white, human hair, tied together with red string.

Fran makes up stories about Bond in her head. It makes her tasks go by faster.

[levinbolts]

we bought a zoo ass roundup under the cut (aka introducing 80% of my and my partner’s pets)

CATS

sebastian (sebby!). 10yo. the favorite and is very aware he is the favorite. shy around strangers but very sweet and clingy with people he’s familiar with. if one of us is on the bed, he has to be on or touching one of us at all times. very chatty and trills to his name being called every time. will literally let us move and toss him around without complaint he’s so chill. very mean to other cats when there’s treats or catnip involved.

sherlock (sherl!). 9yo. absolute chonker of a cat (20lbs). loves head rubs and belly scratches and WILL demand them if you’re in his sight longer than 5 seconds. announces every time he uses the litter box?? so we’ll know??? has his head in the food bowl or asleep on a pillow 99% of the time. only meows when he’s going to the litter box or wants pets.

prompto (prommy!). 3yo. MENACE. wants to play all the time and will swipe at you if you walk past him too many times in a short time span. thinks any small sudden noise is a toy and will run over to pounce on it every time. teeniest tiniest meow i have ever heard oh my god it’s so cute. likes to snuggle and suckles on patches of his own fur while he does it?? but then he falls asleep while he’s doing it and it’s real cute.

misty (mismis, ms. miss!). oldest animal in the house at 14yo. can’t see very well at all, so we think she’s going blind. very sweet and loves to be around people. comes running in to say hi when she hears us in the kitchen or living room. also loves head and belly scratches. does NOT like other cats so she doesn’t come in the bedroom even though she really wants to :(. we’re worried she’s on her way out.

DOG

rumlow (rum, rummy, rumple!) the only dog ! 3yo. clingiest dog i’ve ever met. literally has to be up someone’s ass at all times if he can see or hear them or he’ll die (whine and bark nonstop). thinks he’s a teeny tiny puppy still and not a 90lbs adult dog and tries to climb into people’s laps. has a big scary bark but is so sweet and lets the cats bully him (he’s terrified of prompto). neediest animal in the house honestly.

BIRDS (idk exactly how old any of them are so they won’t have ages)

matcha. my personal favorite of all the birds (i got to name him). chatty chatty chatty. knows how to say a lot of things but his favorites are “pretty bird” “pretty boy” and “gimme kiss”. he will actually give kisses if you put your finger up to the cage (sometimes he’ll bite instead if he’s hungry or cranky tho so you win some, you lose some). loves to be around people. WILL try to take your phone if he sees it, whether he can carry it or not. loves to splish splash take a bath.

bucky. sweetest of all the birds honestly. only has one little foot so he hops around everywhere. loves the color red and will sing to you if you have something red in front of him. knows the andy griffith theme and the addams family theme. loves head pets. the best flier of all the birds, though he doesn’t do it much. mostly just wants to be held.

pineapple. used to be in the same cage as bucky but bucky didn’t like her so we moved them. she’s still obsessed with him though and spends most of her time staring at him from across the room. pretends to be mean but mellows out after a couple head pets. terrible and landing when she flies and just smacks into shit. the only other bird that likes her is ramen noodle.

ramen noodle. hates everything but his bell toy and pineapple (who doesn’t even like him). very quietly mimics all the other birds and they hate it. usually if the other birds are screeching and we can’t tell why it’s because of him. idk he doesn’t do much else.

apple jack(lyn). i couldn’t get a good picture of her because she’s a bitch and wouldn’t be still. meanest bird of all time. yells at anyone that walks in the room. will try to bite you if you come within 8 feet of her cage. obsessed with her little bell ball toy and will get PISSED if you touch it for any reason. we thought she was a boy but when we found out she wasn’t, she became apple jacklyn instead of apple jack.

you’ve already met snapple in my last ask so i won’t put him here but he looks very similar to apple jacklyn