#and she also is still healing from a foot surgery a few months back

[mikkomacko]

Him and I - Lovesick

Pairing: Nico hischier x reader, mob boss Nico

Warnings: Little bit of smut, whole lot of Nico being down bad for his girl. (Not proofread at all so bear with me for a couple of days)

A/n: I decided to split this into two because it was really getting away from me so prepare for our last chapter in Switzerland coming soon. Other than that, happy reading!!!

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When you were fifteen, you had your first real injury. It wasn’t anything traumatic that still keeps you up at night or anything life altering. But it did make you realize a few things about yourself.

Freshman year, your first year on a real soccer team that required try outs and everything. Nothing like your intro league years. You’d been pulled up to the varsity team. Not starting or anything, but filling in on wing for the backup of the junior that had gotten sick.

It was fun. It was also your chance of proving yourself to be varsity ready.

You remember running down the left wing, pushing yourself to pass the center that was taking the ball up. You remember looking over, locking eyes with her and yelling “give and go!”

And she had. A slick pass directly to your feet. All you had to do was get around the defender in front of you, pass across and catch the center again for a toe-in goal.

The only thing is that you didn’t get past the defender. Instead the two of you collided into a heap that sent to ball out of bounds and sent you flying into the grass.

Your arm burned. It was almost immediate. No numb feeling, no adrenaline. It was like someone lit a fire under your skin, dead center in the middle of your forearm.

You had broken your arm in the end. A break so bad that it required surgery to realign and months of healing and therapy to get back to normal.

It didn’t matter though. All that mattered was the defender you had tackled. In the fall, your cleat had caught her in the thigh, made a gash so deep it soaked the grass beneath you. Her shorts were stained, your jersey was wet and sticky, and your cleat was the culprit.

It was terrible. You felt terrible. Of course it was an accident, but it was still caused by you. The girl had cried when you and one of her teammates helped her up, carried her limping over to her bench.

And then the ref directed you to your bench because your arm was hanging a bit odd and already turning purple.

A few weeks later you found out the girl quit soccer. After your surgery, you did too. Not because your mama insisted or because you thought you couldn’t play anymore with a bum arm.

But because you felt guilty every time you saw your cleats. Every school dance or homecoming game when you saw that girl, you felt guilty.

You learned that you don’t have a hard time moving past the things that hurt you, but rather the things that hurt those around you.

That’s what you think about as you finish reading the messages on Lena’s old phone. You can feel Nico’s gaze on you, waiting for you to react. He knows you’ve finished reading them, was watching you scroll through the thread and reach the bottom.

“Look through it all, if you want,” he had said when he handed it to you. “Photos, social media, whatever. But the texts are what I wanted you to see.”

You don’t need to see anything else. It doesn’t matter if she had a thousand followers on instagram or a high snap score. It doesn’t matter what gossip and plans she had in her group chat with her friends.

All that matters is that she wanted to hurt Nico. She did hurt Nico and she used you to do it. You can’t believe it really. She claims to love him in the texts, she told Marcello that she’s always loved him and she deserves him back. She’s what he needs.

You’re so sick and tired of people hurting Nico and claiming it’s love.

Locking the phone, you place it on the bedside table to be trashed or tossed later. None of you need it anymore, you all know everything.

“Are you ok?”

He’s sitting at the foot of the bed, right leg hanging over the edge and left one bent towards you. His hand rests on the jean clad thigh, fingers twitching when you shift onto your knees.

Nico always looks at you so sweetly, expressive eyes so full of love, and that doesn’t change now. Even when you can tell by the pout of his lips that he’s worried about how you’ll react.

“Yeah,” you say meekly, tongue feeling dry. You knee your way down the duvet, gripping his shoulder for balance as you climb into his lap. “Are you?”

Nico’s hands find your hips, cocking his head to the side. “What? Yeah of course I’m ok.”

A strand of hair falls in front of his eyes and you twirl it around your pointer finger, tuck it behind his ear. “She hurt you Nico,” you say, a little confused.

“She hurt you baby.”

“Well yeah,” you agree, caressing the side of his neck. “But she did it to hurt you. And then she said it was out of love.”

Nico’s watching you carefully, dark eyes taking in every detail of your face. You wonder what he’s looking for, what he’s expecting you to say. Probably not this if he’s reacting so timidly.

“People like to hurt you,” you continue, hesitantly. You don’t want to say this in a way that makes it sound like his fault. Because you know he’d take the blame, he always blames himself. “People that are supposed to love you and support you, they don’t do it the way they should Nico.”

The furrow between his eyebrows smoothes out, lips parting and he makes a noise of understanding. “I didn’t love her, so I didn’t expect her to love me either. No matter what she says.”

“She did love you Nico,” you tighten your hold on him like you’re trying to physically squeeze the idea that he’s lovable into him. “I think she really loved you at one point but it turned bad.”

“I still didn’t love her though.” He insists.

Frustrated, you groan and tuck your face into his shoulder, needing a second to figure out what you’re saying to him. Nico squeezes your hip, draws your weight close into him.

“Explain it to me baby,” his breath is warm against your cheek, nose pressing into your jaw. “what are you-what’s going on, huh?”

Holding his shoulders, you sit back on your haunches and look at him. “You deserve so much love Nico, and every time I’m reminded that someone here didn’t love you the way they should, it makes me so mad.

“Love isn’t about what someone gains from being with you or can use you for. And I know you say it doesn’t matter, that you don’t care but I care for you. You’re the best person I’ve ever met Nico, and I think you deserve so much love that it makes you feel like your heart is gonna explode-“

Nico kisses you hard and desperate, right hand gripping the back of your head and holding you steady. There’s a moment of surprise, Nico nipping at your frozen lips. The action startles you and you melt into him, allowing him the opportunity to deepen the kiss licking into your mouth. It’s messy and wet, but passionate. Nico’s always been a good kisser, and he always speaks with his actions when words fail him.

“I spend,” he mutters breathlessly, words pressed into your bottom lip. “Every day of my life trying to explain what your love feels like.”

You open your eyes to find his already watching you, faces so close together that his thick lashes and chocolate eyes take up your whole view. “It feels like I can never catch my breath, like my heart is always racing. But it’s so calming, so sure at the same time.

“You don’t need to worry about anyone else trying to break my heart. It belongs to you, all of it. And I know you’ll protect it.”

It doesn’t really make sense if you think about it. That you make his heart race but calm him at the same time. You get it though, understand what he means because you feel the same way.

“That’s what we do. Protect each other, right?”

He smiles, pecks your lips softly and you know that’s him agreeing. That’s the leadership he’s always implemented into the Devs, into the family. Protect each other above all else. He’s your family, the only one you’ve got left. You’ll always protect him.

~~~~

The paper crinkles under your weight, cracking loudly in the otherwise silent room with each swing of your legs. You feel like a kid again, sock clad feet swaying in the air while Nico watches you, your clothes folded in a pile on his lap.

It’s an odd feeling and you realize that it’s because this is the first time you’ve ever actually been to a hospital or doctor since meeting Nico.

In the family, everything is done at home. Typically by you or Johnny, but Nico’s gotten pretty good at playing doctor for you too.

You look over at him, find him staring down at your clothes with a pinch between his eyebrows. He’s got the fabric of your bra pinched between his fingers, running his thumb over the lace cup contemplatively. Slowly, you stop moving your legs, not wanting to catch his attention.

It’s a moment later that he looks up, eyes widening when he realizes he’s been caught and you giggle. “Whatcha doing?”

“This one’s nice,” he shrugs, tucking the bra back into the middle of the pile, hidden underneath your sweater. “I don’t- is it new?”

You laugh again. “You recognize all my bras now or what?”

“Well yeah usually.” He bristles. “Am-“

The door to the exam rooms opens and Nico clamps his mouth shut, that boyish look morphing into one of neutrality. If anything he looks bored.

“Hello, hello,” your doctor greets, tossing a file folder onto the desk. You greet her, smiling politely for both you and Nico. “How are we feeling?”

“Great,” you answer immediately, and she steps by your knees, unclipping the flashlight from her coat pocket. You don’t need to be told what to do as she shines the light in your eyes, you following the random pattern she makes with it.

Satisfied, she turns the light off and tucks it away, hands on her hips as she smiles at you. “Well your scans came back clear, you look perfect from what I can tell, and you reported no lingering side effects?”

You nod in confirmation, smiling proudly. No soreness, no neck pain, no dizziness or vomiting, and best of all; no headaches.

“And the wound is all healed up. There’s barely a scar.”

You’re eager, you know that. Almost childlike as you sit on your hands, wiggling your toes with excitement. “So I can go home? I’m clear to fly?”

The doctor laughs, glancing over at Nico when she nods. “Yes you’re clear for anything and everything. If you feel any nausea or migraines, I’d slow down. But you seem perfectly healthy Miss. Hischier.”

It’s not a Mrs but it’s close enough, makes butterflies swarm in your gut and you warm at the thought of Nico checking you into the hospital under his name that day. If he even did check you in. You’re not sure how mob controlled hospitals run. Maybe Nico just ran in with you and told them all you were a Hischier.

Either way it makes your heart swell. You look over at him, a beaming smile on your lips so big it makes your cheeks ache. Nico neck is pink, the flush just beginning to reach his cheeks and despite the bashful smile that curls at his lips, he winks at you, something cheeky put proud glinting in his eyes.

~~~~

“Anything and everything.”

That’s what the doctor said and that’s what you think about as Nico slides the driver seat back, giving him more room to stretch his legs out.

The restaurant you’re supposed to be meeting everyone at is just across the street, Swiss flags hanging from the iced over patio. The name is French you think, but a sticker in the window reads SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS in big thick letters. It’s kinda funny, Swiss local but French.

Nico said it was one of his favorites when he made the reservation, so you assume he’s eaten there a lot. He made it sound popular, like the reservation was needed in order to get in but as you look through the tinted window of the SUV, it looks closed. You can’t see anyone at the tables in the windows, no guests going in or out.

The reservation isn’t for another 30 minutes. You could probably go in early since they don’t look busy, but then you’re looking over at Nico, right hand scratching at the scruff of his beard. He’s got his phone in the other, scrolling through what looks like a confirmation email but you’re not really looking at that.

No you’re looking at his hands, long and thick fingers, veins running down the backs of his hands in a way that’s the perfect balance of pretty and manly. Then you’re looking at his face, the way his eyelashes curl just enough to frame his eyes, to soften them. His dark eyebrows that make him look far more intimidating and harsh than he should with his doe-eyes and dimples.

The slope of his nose, not really curved or gentle looking in any way but when he’s off guard like this, when he’s comfortable, makes him look so cute. And his beard that he’s still yet to shave, following your whining and begging by letting it grow out far too long. But it makes him look scruffy and warm, like a teddy bear you just want to snuggle into.

Anything and everything, you think as warmth stirs in the pit of your belly. You take off your seat belt, turning to face him over the center console. Nico drops his phone in the cupholder, mirroring your actions.

“What?” He says, tucking his hair behind his ears and up into his backwards hat. You blink, biting at your lip. How long has it been? Since the day Lena took you, so a little over a week.

Which might not be a crazy amount of time, but for you and Nico it is. Especially when he looks like that.

“Did you hear the doctor?”

He looks you up and down, gaze lingering on where you’ve tangled your fingers in the fabric of your sweater. When he meets your eyes, they’re sparkling with amusement.

“I did.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, looking at him impatiently and expectantly. Nico makes no move, simply staring back at your begging and downright desperate glare.

“Anything and everything Nico,” you repeat, a whining edge to your voice. This would be so much easier if he’d just reach over and touch you, guide you over the console and into his lap.

You could ride him, you think excitedly. You haven’t done that in a while and it’s easy in the car. Or maybe ask for his fingers, those beautiful fingers that are resting on his thick thighs. It all sounds so good, too good.

“I heard the doctor baby,” he says with mirth, eyebrow raising when you huff in annoyance. Then he’s laughing, eyes crinkling and you cross your arms over your chest, leaning back into the door and glaring at him. Unfortunately it resembles more of a childlike pout than anger, if Nico’s ever growing amusement is anything to go by.

“Alright, what do you want from me?” He asks through a laugh, looking over at the screen to check the time. “We’ve only got like 20 minutes, and I’m not fucking you in the car when my family will be walking by any second.”

You pout even more, all begging eyes and a sweet little frown you know he can’t say no too. Especially not when you flutter your eyelashes at him, mumbling out a pathetic little “please Nico?”

He groans, head falling back against the window and he squeezes his eyes shut. Without word he blindly grabs his phone, opening his eyes back up to look at you sternly.

“You do what I say and you don’t whine about it, got it?”

You’re already agreeing, nodding your head like a bobble head and sitting up straighter to follow whatever lead he gives you. Much to your surprise, he kills the engine and takes the keys out of the ignition, reaching for the door handle.

“Backseat,” is all he says before climbing out of the car, slamming the door behind him. Following blindly, you scramble to climb over the console and into the backseat, awkwardly collapsing onto your elbow with your legs still tangled in the front seat when Nico tugs open the back door.

He pauses, looks at you for a second and then chuckles. “Oh this is so sexy,” he jokes, slipping into the car and shutting his door. You shift, somehow managing to get your feet into the backseat and then you’re settling onto your knees beside him.

“Shut up,” you reply, forcing your hands to sit patiently on your knees even though they’re aching to touch Nico, to hold his face and kiss him.

He’s still smiling, thoroughly amused, and nods towards the drivers seat in front of him. “Pull it forward for me.”

He couldn’t have asked you to do this before you crawled back here? You know he’s messing with you, having a good time with the fact that you’re so desperate you’re willing to break your neck crawling around the car. It’s a little embarrassing. And yet you do it anyway.

Huffing, you lean back over the center console, balanced on one elbow and stretching your hand out to the side of the drivers seat.

“This is dehumanizing Nico.” You complain, fingers finding the button. The seat starts inching forward and suddenly a large hand is grabbing at your ass, fingers palming you through your jeans.

“I think you look good.”

You fold under Nico’s hands, muscles going slack and slumping into the console. The seat is as far forward as it can go, you think, so it doesn’t really matter now. You hear Nico move behind you, feel the warmth of his body get closer and then his other hand is reaching around your waist, deft finger finding the button of your jeans.

“Nico…”

He chuckles, breathless, and drags the zipper down. Then he’s taking a hold of your hips, tugging you backwards until you get the hint to push yourself up and slip into the backseat again.

You collapse into the middle seat, feeling hot and stuffy in your sweater and jeans, Nico leaning over you. He looks so good, dark eyes and pink cheeks, that stupid hat that always makes him look so handsome.

Then he’s kissing you, cupping the back of your head and slipping his tongue into your mouth. The whole world goes fuzzy around you, the only sound in the car are those little noises and breathes that Nico lets out into your mouth. All you can feel is his hands and his lips, turning you into mush and then remolding you however he pleases.

He gets you laid out on your back, one foot on the car floor and the other hanging over the seats. You knock the hat off his head, tangle your fingers in his hair instead and he’s moves to your neck, mouthing over your pulse. His hands shove your sweater up, run over the warm and sweaty skin of your stomach and ribs before he’s grabbing the edge of your jeans and yanking them down your thighs.

It’s awkward and messy, you accidentally kick him as your pants tug your leg down from the seats. Nico just grunts, pulling back to sit on his haunches and he’s rough and annoyed as he wrangles your boots and pants off, tossing them into the front seat.

You want his jacket off too, you think hazily, blinking to try and focus. All you can look at are his bitten lips, bright red and swollen. The car is so hot, he’s so hot. You don’t know how he’s wearing all those layers so you reach out for the hem of his top, not even getting close to touching him before he’s shuffling into the space you made when you slid the drivers seat forward.

He barely fits down there, hunched forward uncomfortably and legs tangled under him but he doesn’t seem to mind.

Nico licks his lips, dark eyes settling on the pair of cotton panties you’re wearing and he’s pushing your leg up onto the front seat, parting your thighs around him.

The noise that leaves you is pathetic, a mix between desperate and embarrassed because you know he can tell how wet you are, how the image of him doing awful things with his mouth and hands has been torturing you all day.

“I know baby,” he soothes, fingers rubbing tenderly at the inside of your thigh. His thumb finds the damp spot on your underwear, dipping in until the pad of his thumb is teasing at your hole.

“Please,” you gasp, eyes screwing shut. His touch burns under your skin, pulls every muscle in your body so tight you feel like you could explode. “Please Nico.”

It sounds more like a sob than an actual sentence, your voice whining and desperate. But Nico likes that, you can see it in the little smirk on his face when your eyes flutter open just long enough to meet his over the dips of your body.

Nico’s thumb tugs your underwear to the side. You lean back into the seat, staring up at the closed sunroof of the car and then Nico’s diving in. His tongue licks a flat strip up your pussy, nose swiping up your clit as he moves and you grab at his hair, arching into his face.

The thick hair of his beard is scratchy against your thighs, the hair long enough that it’s more soft than prickly and it feels so good. His tongue settles against your clit, making soft little circles that have you digging your fingers into his scalp.

He’s sloppy with his work, dripping spit from his mouth all over you, gently teasing your clit until your wound all the way up and then sucking it into his mouth. It’s too much, so good that you’re crying out for him but not coming just yet. And he knows that, knows that he has to be sweet and soft on that sensitive spot if he wants you to come.

Which is why he isn’t doing it. Letting you get close once, twice, and then a third time before starting all over. You huff, frustrated and knowing that the two of you need to hurry if you want to make him come too.

You pull at his hair, just enough to make it sting and he grunts into your pussy, digs his nails into your thigh until it hurts. But he’s slowing down after that, replacing the rough nips of his teeth with his plush lips.

A fingers swipes at your hole, has you desperately clenching around nothing and you make another embarrassed noise at him. Lifting your head, you look down at him through wet eyes but he’s not looking at you. Baby hairs stick to his damp forward, flattened under your palm. Crease between his eyebrows, eyes closed in focus and those long eyelashes of his tickle the flushed skin of his cheekbones. His nose is pressed into your mound, so close to you that you can’t see much. But you can see the way his jaw moves and ticks which every flick of his tongue.

Fuck, he’s beautiful, you think achingly. You wish he would talk to you, say something in that deep, raw voice he gets when he’s turned on.

Nico’s finger eases into you, thick and warm, and you flop back into the seats, whining desperately. You try to form the words in your head, hear his voice like you have so many times before.

“Sweet girl.”

“Taste so good, baby, doing so fucking good for me.”

“Make me feel so good,”

He curls his finger, prods at the sensitive spot of your walls and you hear him groan, feel it against your clit. You can practically hear what’s he’s thinking.

“You’re so wet, all for me.”

The rubber band in your belly snaps, all the orgasms that he built up before and then took away suddenly hitting you. Hard and fast. You clench around him, thighs tightening and twitching and Nico’s pets you through it. Wiggles and curls his fingers, lazily licks at your clit.

You hear him more than actually feel him pull away, sensitive and throbbing still as he wiggles his way off the floor. It’s his grunt of annoyance, the sound of his knee cracking as he gets up that makes you open your eyes, hands dropping from his hair onto your stomach.

Nico’s above you, hair hanging over his forehead and eyes bright. The whole bottom half of his face is wet, lips shiny and red but he’s smiling, teeth pearly white.

You tilt your chin up, puckering your lips and he easily obliges. He kisses you, soft and sweet with those swollen lips of his.

“You’re so pretty,” he mumbles into your lips, and chills run down your spine. He sounds exactly like you knew he would, rough and husky. You peck his mouth again, humming in appreciation as you reach for the front of his jeans

Your fingers have just found the button of his jeans when he grips your wrist and pulls your hand back.

“Nico,” you whine in protest, pulling back to frown at him but he’s already shaking his head.

“Don’t have time,” he mumbles into the skin of your cheek, kissing at your smile lines.

“That’s not fair! I wanted-“

He interrupts, tone not angry but definitely not up for debate. “I told you I wasn’t fucking you in the car.”

You look between where he’s leaning over you, mouth watering at the bulge in the front of his jeans. Nico takes your chin between his fingers, squeezes just once in warning and makes you look up at him.

“You’re gonna be good for me,” he instructs, “we’re gonna get cleaned up and get out of the car. And then we’re gonna go inside and eat lunch with everyone, and you’re gonna be the sweet girl I know you are, ok?”

“Ok,” you mumble, sad eyes blinking up at him.

“We’re gonna have a good time, Timo’s excited for you to meet his mom.”

You perk up at that. “I am too.”

Nico smiles, lets go of your face and presses a sweet kiss to the tip of your nose. “Can take care of me later at home, ok?”

“Mhm,” you mumble, kissing him again. His beard is so soft, he’s so warm and snuggly you never want to let him go.

“One more kiss and then we gotta go.”

You agree, pressing your lips back to his.

~~~~

Nico’s rented the whole restaurant for the day. He wanted private meal with his family and friends, something intimate and fun before you guys leave for Jersey.

They pushed tables together in the center of the room, crowded chairs around it into something that resemble the overly large dining table you have at home to seat all the Devs.

Nico takes your jacket for you when you too enter the building, hanging it with the stacks of other coats at the front. Then he’s shrugging his off, placing it with yours and you realize that while you two were busy in the car, everyone else beat you here.

They’re already sat around the table. Katja and Rino at the far end, facing the door. Luca and Nina on either side, tall mugs of frothy beer in front of them.

The four boys are after them, Jack and Luke on one side and Dawson and Alex across. Timo and a blonde woman, almost an exact copy of him are next to Luke. Meaning the two chairs next to Alex are obviously for you and Nico. You can already hear the argument Alex made to get you to sit next to him, and you can see the look Timo probably gave him.

“There they are!”

It’s Luca, chair scraping against the floor as he rises. Nico presses his hand into your lower back, guiding you around the table to say hi to everyone. You hug Luca and Katja, share an awkward hand shake with Rino before Nina is squeezing you into an embrace. She makes you try a sip of her beer, laughing when you only scrunch your nose a tiny bit before half heartedly muttering “s’so good.”

Nico hugs her, lightheartedly pulling on her braid and telling her to leave you alone. Jack climbs up from his chair, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you like he hasn’t seen you in days.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” he exclaims and you laugh as he cups your face. “Oh way too pretty for that one I’ll tell ya.”

And then Nico is swatting him away from you, pushing you along. You squeeze Luke’s shoulder as you pass, smiling widely when you get to Timo and his mother, who immediate jumps to hug Nico.

They speak in German, Nico’s tone somehow shy as she goes on and on towards him. You don’t know what they’re saying, but you smile at Nico anyway before giving Timo a hug. It feels like you haven’t seen him in days.

“Claudia, have I introduced you to my-“

“No this is my best friend!” Timo interrupts, sliding up next to you. “Budge over Hischier, we were friends before you started dating.”

Nico mutters something in German to Timo but places a kiss on your head and then moves to go sit down.

“Mom, this is y/n,” Timo introduces. “She’s the one I tell you about all the time.”

His mother, Claudia, is just like her son. She doesn’t hold back, shoving her son to the side and hugging you.

“It’s so wonderful to meet you!” She gushes in a thick accent. “Timo is always talking about you and that dog of yours.”

You laugh, hugging her back. “He’s always talking about you too.” She holds your face, blue eyes looking at you with so much warmth it makes you look away shyly.

“Oh you’re precious,” she laughs, brushing your hair away from your face and something in your heart throbs, recalls all the times your mother used to do the same.

You thank her quietly, sharing a tiny smile with Timo before moving to sit with Nico. Dawson gives you a peace sign as you get closer, sipping at a cocktail through a little straw and you ruffle his hair. Taking your seat, you lean over and press a kiss to Alex’s cheek, sharing a short hug.

Conversation picks up again, a waiter drops off two menus for you and Nico, and you sit back and watch Claudia speak with Katja and Rino in Swiss German. She has so many mannerisms like Timo, from the way she tilts her head when she speaks to the way she fiddles with her hair.

“You two were out there for a while,” Timo says, leaning into you and Nico, lifting his menu up to shield his words from everyone else. Your heart jumps, already knowing where this was going.

“Were we?” Nico says, disinterested and you mentally thank the universe for him and his ability to play aloof. An ability he performs perfectly.

Timo raises an eyebrow, not buying his oldest friend’s innocent act. “We got here 20 minutes ago and you two were parked out there.”

Needing something to do with your hands, you fiddle with the edge of your sweater and give Timo a confused look.

“It wasn’t that long,” you insist, and Nico shakes his head before adding, “You’re terrible with time when you don’t feel good.”

“Oh?” Timo gasps quietly, “you’re not feeling good?”

Clearing your throat, your frown at him, hoping to god it looks genuine. “I just felt a little funky after my scan.”

Timo pouts. “Oh no.”

“Yeah, needed a second to just chill I guess.”

“Mhm,” he nods, sipping his water and looking at you with sympathetic eyes.

“So Nico took care of me.”

“M’sure he did.”

Nico chokes on his spit next to you, caught off guard by the sudden suggestiveness from Timo. He coughs, clearing his throat as you rub at his back and glare at Timo.

“I don’t think you want me to elaborate on that,” you insist and Nico clears his throat again, his hand coming over to rest on your thigh as he shifts uncomfortably in his chair. A teasing grin takes over Timo’s face, but you put a stop to him before he can keep going. “Because then I’ll probably have to go all the way back to when I hung out alone for two hours so you could play lover boy to your teenage sweetheart?”

Timo’s face falls, eyes widening in fear and he glances at Nico, whose grip has suddenly grown stronger on your thigh.

“You left her alone?” Nico demands, and you cover his hand with yours, stroke at the veins on the back of it and over his knuckles. Knuckles that not even an hour ago were buried inside you.

Blinking away the dirty image that’s swirling in your brain, you faux smile at Timo. “I don’t think you really want to explain that one right now, do you?”

He huffs, annoyed with you for bringing up the activities he took place in that day after the ice skating rink. You didn’t even get to meet his girl before he was begging to drop you off at the house for just a couple hours so he could see her.

“You’re evil,” he mutters, and you laugh. You don’t keep anything from Nico, he knows that. If you could, you’d tell Nico about every second of every moment you’ve ever had apart from him. “You two deserve each other, really.”

It’s probably meant as some kind of insult or dig by the way he hisses it, but you and Nico both turn to each other and smile, the same sappy lovesick look on your faces.

~~~~

“What do you feel like eating baby?” Nico asks, flipping open the menu in front of him. You leave yours folded on the table, leaning into his bicep took at his instead and he shifts so you can read it easier.

Instead you can’t read it at all. The entire thing is in French, swirly cursive letters on the card stock pages, and while you can guess what a couple words mean, there’s not even photos of signature dishes or anything.

“Uh Nico,” you say quietly, looking up at him. He hums in acknowledgment, eyes still sweeping over the menu. “I can’t read French.”

An amused smile cracks at his lips, gaze flickering down to you and two dimples sink into his cheeks. “Yeah, I know.” He murmurs. “S’why I asked what you want.”

Sighing, you pinch at his elbow in retaliation before looking back at the menu. You still can’t read it, not that you were expecting to sudden be able to, but Nico gives you a moment to stare at it anyway.

“Pasta?” You ask, hopefully and he points at a list of meals on the right page. “S’got chicken and like a white sauce.” He explains. “Want that one?”

“Yeah,” you agree, lifting your head to press a kiss to his cheek in thanks. His cheek dimples again and he moves to settle his arm on the back of your chair.

Alex says your name quietly, and when you turn to him he’s looking at you with big, puppy eyes. He’s holding him menu in front of him, a shy smile on his face.

“Will you tell Nico to order for me?” He asks sheepishly, and you laugh, agreeing. And then you catch Dawson behind him with that same shy look, and across the table Jack and Luke are staring at you helplessly.

None of them know French either. Good going Nico, you think, trying not to laugh.

“Schoa,” you sing teasingly, “the boys need your help ordering.” Nico sets his menu down, raising an eyebrow as he too looks around the table. Timo is grinning at him, obviously as amused as you are. His siblings and parents seem oblivious to the conversation going on, but Claudia is looking at all of you like she’s watching a show play out in front of her very eyes.

“They’re your kids,” he grumbles, but he’s already grabbing his menu again and leaning forward in his seat. “Timo help those two clowns,” he instructs, nodding towards the brothers.

Timo sighs but doesn’t argue, him and Claudia going about translating the menu to Jack and Luke. Then you’re letting Nico lean over you to tell Alex and Dawson about the food, offering little ooh’s and aah’s when something sounds good.

You realize Nico is telling them about specific foods you know they like. Seafood for Dawson, who is always craving some kind of lobster dish or sushi or really anything that probably has scales at one point. And soups and breads for Alex, anything filling and a lot of carbs because he’s a comfort food kind of person, always.

For as much as he likes to denies caring for the boys and insists that they’re just his workers, just kids following him around, he sure doesn’t act like it. It’s sweet that he knows what they’d want to eat, that while he was reading the menu earlier he had noticed which foods they’d probably get.

It makes your heart shudder painfully in your chest, overwhelmed with feelings that you can’t even explain anymore. It’s so much more than just loving Nico. He’s…everything to you.

You look over to his parents. Rino is looking over his menu, face stoic and unimpressed. Katja has a smile on her face, but it looks more rehearsed than anything real. She’s drinking the wine in her glass, lazily listening to Nina and Luca talk.

How someone so full of life and light, so loving in everything he does came from the relationship existing at the end of the table, you have no idea. But something made him this incredible, this caring so you have to applaud Katja and Rino for that at least.

He’s still debating a meal with Dawson, huffing and sighing as he awkwardly takes up your space but you don’t mind. You reach up, smooth your hands up the back of his dark cardigan and fiddle with the soft strands of hair sticking out of his baseball cap.

Nico doesn’t react, but you can feel the way his body seems to preen under your touch. Across the table, Katja meets your eye and the two of you share secret smiles.

~~~~

Listening to Nico speak French makes you feel like your bones are melting, in the best way possible. Nico’s voice in general has always been nice, deep and manly in a way that scratches at your brain just right. And it’s even more attractive when he’s speaking in Swiss German, his accent making the words sound like beautiful nonsense to you.

But in French…well he just sounds so romantic. If you had to give a voice to the storybook Prince Charming in your head, it’d be Nico in French. The words are soft and sweet, a perfect contrast to the rumble of his voice. Even if you don’t know what he’s saying as he sends the waiter off with a dessert order.

“You don’t know French y/n?”

You’re too busy trying to keep your jaw off the floor to realize Rino, who hasn’t said a word to you all meal, is suddenly addressing you. That is until Nico is looking over at you, lips curling into a smile as he takes in the moony way you’re watching him.

“No she doesn’t,” he answers for you through an amused laugh, and you blink, suddenly recalling that the question was directed at you and not Nico.

“Sorry, no I don’t,” you quickly apologize, face hot with embarrassment. The other Devs boys don’t bat an eye to you going goo-goo eyes at Nico, but you can feel the knowing little looks from Nina and Luca, both of whom have told you they’re not used to seeing Nico all lovey. It makes you feel shy for some reason, like you shouldn’t be letting them see this side of him.

Rino quirks an eyebrow, the expression looking far too similar to Nico’s unimpressed look than you’d prefer. “No German either?”

You shake your head. “My family is Italian, so I grew up speaking that at home and English at school.”

“I forget the American education system disregards languages,” Rino mumbles, then forces a smile. “Our children here learn three languages at school.”

Nico shifts in his seat, stretching his arm across your waist like some kind of protective seatbelt that’ll keep you from his father. His hand is warm and strong on your thigh, reassuring and safe.

“We can go,” he says quietly in your ear, “lunch is over if you want it to be.”

“It’s no problem,” you assure to the table, words more directed at Nico. He squeezes your thigh, eyes searching yours for a moment and when he finds nothing but certainty there, he retreats back into his chair.

“I uh I tried Spanish at school for a while too but I kept getting the words mixed up with Italian. So uh yeah, just the Italian.”

You laugh awkwardly, heart thundering in your chest and you glance at Alex who’s watching you with a furrow between his eyebrows. Then he’s pursing his lips, shoulders back and he looks to Rino.

“It’s a good thing too,” he says, conversationally. “Italian is important in Jersey, she gets a lot of deals done for us because she can speak with the clients.”

Finally, something like genuine curiosity flashes in Rino’s eyes, so quickly you would’ve missed it had you not been staring at him helplessly.

“Nico, you take her on deals?”

Your boyfriend throws an arm around your shoulders, pride glimmering in his eyes as he smirks at his father. “Yeah I do. What’s mine is hers.”

“She’s better at it too,” Luke tosses at Nico, a teasing tone to his words but underneath, you can feel how genuinely he says it. “All the planning and details, Nico’s too impatient for that.”

“Plus he’s a grump,” Jack then adds, and while you always hate when they gripe on Nico, it warms your heart to see them doing it to praise you to Nico’s family.

Dawson is the next to offer his two cents. “And he doesn’t have a college degree, unlike Miss. Ivy Leagues.”

Nico squeezes your shoulder when you shake your head at all the boys, on the verge of politely telling them that none of it’s a big deal. You turn to him, cheeks warm and smile shy but he looks so fucking happy, so proud of you that you can’t bring yourself to counteract all their words.

If Nico can love you that much, can radiate sunshine when talking about you, that’s not something you want to hide. After all, his view of you is all that matters.

“Three languages or not,” he says, “the smartest thing I ever did was getting on your nerves the night we met.”

Tucking into his shoulder, you press a quick but sweet kiss to his neck, wanting to thank him without making everyone at the table groan.

“And letting me play matchmaker,” Timo jokes, winking at you. “God knows he was helpless.”

You can’t help but laugh, knowing that if he had never invited you back to the Rock after you pissed Nico off, you don’t think you’d have ever spoken to him. At the time, you were putting the ball in Nico’s court and waiting to see if he was gonna shoot. He looked like the type to want to make the first move.

You never thought he’d be a pouty, shy guy that needed meddling from his best friend. Otherwise you’d have asked him out the very first night he bought you a drink.

“Alright alright,” you interrupt, smiling gratefully at the boys. “That’s enough teasing. We all know we’re only as good as we are because we have Nico.”

The fearless leader, the man that stepped out on his own with just his name and his teenage friends, and made a family. A family that will always have each others back.

So when Claudia changes the subject, smiling at you as she asks “What’s your family like?” you already know your answer.

“Oh,” you glance at Nico, notice the way he’s biting at the inside of his cheek. He’s wanting to answer for you, wanting to field the topic but he has no idea what to say. He’s waiting for your lead. “This is my family,” you say, smiling shyly at Claudia. “Whatever I had before is nothing compared to my boys.”

Claudia looks taken aback, like she wasn’t expecting such a profound answer to the question. You wish you could tell her that it’s actually simple in your mind. This is your family, no question about it.

“Wow,” she murmurs, looking at you so fondly it makes your chest ache, the child in you selfishly wanting her to suddenly become your mother. To take away all the memories of the woman that raised you and replace them with ones of her, create a childhood in which your best friend was your family. “Smart, sweet, and beautiful. I see how you finally caught Nico.”

“Hey!” Nico whines, childishly.

“You were a bucking bronco, Neeky. We thought you’d always be.”

You laugh, leaning into him and pressing a kiss to his scruffy cheek. If you haven’t proved yourself to Rino yet, oh well. You don’t know what else could be better than knowing his son is safe, loved, and protected by a woman that would do absolutely anything for him.

~~~~

It wasn’t the creaking floor of the hallway that woke you up, nor was it the tiny mutters of “please, please, please” that snuck under the crack of the closed bedroom door.

It was the buzz of a text coming through, three quick blasts of back to back messages. Groggily, you slid your hand under the pillow and pull your phone out, turning it from Nico to keep from waking him.

Blinking against the light, you read the screen.

Holtzy 🐣

Are you awake?

Sorry if I woke you

Open the door?

Confused, it takes you a second to register the sounds of someone outside the door. Once you do though, you’re up, putting your phone back away and gently getting up from the bed.

Nico huffs in his sleep, digs his head further into his pillow. You tiptoe over to the door, cautiously twisting the handle and cracking it open.

Sure enough, Holtzy is quietly pacing in front of the doorway. He’s in his pajama pants and a grey shirt, hair frumpy and awkward on his head. At the sight of you he stops, shoulders dropping in relief.

“Are you ok?” You whisper, stepping into the hall and closing the door partially behind you.

Embarrassed, he stares down at his socks, toes tapping against the hardwood floors.

“Can I uh-can I sleep in here tonight?”

You know better than to ask. Sometimes Holtzy just has rough nights, he can’t sleep or he has dreams that give him anxiety. If there’s one thing you learned from the two months he lived down the hall from you and Nico, it’s better to just let him sort it out how he wants.

And if that entails him squishing in the bed with you and Nico, so be it.

“Yeah, of course.” You murmur, taking ahold of his bicep and squeezing reassuringly. He looks up at you through his eyelashes, eyes sleepy and sad. “Nico is sleeping so be quiet, ok?”

Knowing the drill he nods, and you turn to guide him back into the bedroom with you. Alex quietly closes the door behind him, the click only loud enough to make Nico shift on the mattress.

On light feet, you pad back to the king sized bed, lifting the blankets on your half and sliding in all the way to the middle. You had previously been tucked into Nico’s side right there, so to make room for the new addition you softly card your fingers through Nico’s hair.

He stirs, eyebrows pinching together in annoyance. “Nico baby, scoot over for me, yeah?”

He grumbles something you don’t understand, lips smacking as he rolls to his side and you hold the side of his face.

“Please baby, can you slide over a bit?”

Finally he moves, shuffling over onto his side of the bed and you go with him. Not that you had much of a choice when he locked his arm over your middle and took you with him.

Alex climbs into the bed, tucking into the pillow you had previously been sleeping on. You pull the blankets over him, settling back into Nico’s bicep. Your boyfriend grumbles something again, tucking his head into your neck and curling into your body.

You roll onto your side, let Nico fit himself to your back and wait a couple moments until his breath evens out again.

“Are you comfortable?” You whisper to Alex and he moves onto his side to face you.

“Yeah.” He tucks his hands under his cheek, eyes blinking sluggishly and you pull the covers up to his shoulder so he doesn’t get cold.

“Pull the blankets if you get chilled,” you say, pushing his tangled hair back as best as you can without yanking on a knot. “Nico’s like a furnace, he doesn’t need them.”

A tiny smile tugs at his lips. “I run warm too ya know?”

“I know,” you murmur, “but just in case you run cold tonight, ok?”

Alex nods, takes a deep breath and lets his eyes flutter shut as he exhales. “Thanks,” he mumbles lowly, like he’s already half asleep. “I don’t know how any of us lived without you.”

Your heart stutters in your chest, his sweet words kicking it into overdrive. Smiling, you watch him for a moment to make sure he falls asleep and you can’t help but think of Nico’s mother.

How her and Rino ran Switzerland like a business, you don’t know. Because there’s no way you could look at any of the boys here, especially Alex and not love them like family.

Thank god Nico inherited some rare Hischier gene that gave him the big and sweet heart he has. He may not openly act like it, but you know he loves the boys like they’re his blood brothers.

Sleep muddled thoughts trail off and you can’t help but think of this same scenario in the future, when the boy crawling into bed with you two has Nico’s dark eyebrows and straight nose. Maybe it’s not a he but instead a she, and her eyes will sparkle like his and her lips will hold that petulant pout he has.

And they’ll tiptoe to your bed at night, wake you up with tiny fingers and teary cheeks as they whisper, careful to not wake Nico because he’s a grump. But when you let them under the covers they’ll wiggle their way over to him, snuggle into his broad chest and thick arms because he’s the safest place in the world for them to be.

As if being summoned by your thoughts, Nico stirs against your back, leaning in and planting a kiss against the side of your neck. You’re not expecting him to be awake so the movement startles you.

Even more so when he presses his mouth in close to your ear and clear as day asks, “He ok?”

You realize Nico hasn’t been sleeping, at least not since you moved him over in bed and he heard you tucking Alex in.

“Yeah,” you whisper, nudging him with your foot until he moves over enough for you to turn to face him.

His eyes are puffy and dark, framed by those permanent frown lines of his but he looks awake, alert. You trace your fingertips over his jaw, let his beard tickle the pads of them.

“He’s right ya know?” Nico murmurs, his gaze sweeping over your face fondly. “I don’t know how I lived without you.”

Shy and tired, your hand falls to the side of his neck, fingers loosely holding him. You blink slowly, feel your chest warm under the heat of his words.

“You’ll never have to again Schao,” you promise, closing your eyes to get away from the lovesick look in his eyes.

Nico doesn’t say anything, just leans in a presses a kiss to your forehead. You throw your leg over his thighs, curl into his chest and fall into dreams of him holding mini versions of you and him just like this.

~

You don’t remember Nico getting up. Usually you’re good at feeling him stir, forcing your eyes open when he unravels his arms from around you and gets up.

It’s not until his hefty weight is laying on top of you that you realize the body laying on his side of the bed, with their arm slung over your middle, is in fact not Nico.

“Baby,” he calls, voice barely a whisper. A grumbled noise of acknowledgment rumbles out of your lips, eyelashes fluttering as you try to fight against sleep.

Nico gently shushes you, soft and warm lips pressing to yours with a feather light touch. He smells like toothpaste and aftershave, the familiar scent making you blink your eyes open.

The sight makes you gasp.

He’s crowded over your body, feet hanging off the mattress and elbows bracketing your body. Damp hair is combed back, a single wet strand stuck to his forehead. But that’s not what’s got your attention, and neither are his beautiful brown eyes or dimpled cheeks.

He’s shaved.

The full and dark beard he’d been sporting since the hospital, thick hair beginning to trail down his neck messily but hotly, is all gone.

Well not entirely, but he trimmed most of it and shaved it down. All except the stupid strip of facial hair above his upper lip. That he’s left untouched.

“You shaved?” You croak out, cupping his face in your hands. His cheeks are smooth, soft and warm under your fingertips. Unintentionally, you pout.

“I trimmed,” he defends, shifting his weight into his left elbow and covering your hand with his now free one. “And cleaned up a bit.”

You’re probably being dramatic, but you’re tired and confused and completely caught off guard with his sudden grooming. So it’s really not your fault when water collects in your eyes, sniffling through a stuffy nose.

“Oh my god are you crying?”

“No!” You argue, outraged at the entirely true accusation and your shout has the body lying next to you stirring. Both you and Nico freeze, eyes shifting over to look at Holtzy. He’s asleep in his stomach, hands shoved under the pillow and cheek pressed into the bunched up fabric.

You’re even more caught off guard when a body on Nico’s side of them bed moves too. Bewildered, you look over to find Jack taking up the space that Nico previously occupied. He’s sprawled out on his back, hands clutching the blanket to his chin and mouth hanging open.

“If you wake them I’ll kill you,” Nico mutters, a playfulness in his whispered words. You let go of his face, knuckling at your sleepy eyes and moving to sit up.

Your boyfriend follows, gently slipping off the mattress so you can awkwardly slip out from under the covers and rise to your feet. Wobbling, you clutch the headboard with a wince when the whole bed shutters.

Alex simply snorts, digging his head further into the pillow, and then Nico is leaning over with outstretched arms. You cling to him, squeezing your eyes shut and curling yourself into a ball as he heaves you over Jack’s sleeping form.

“When did he get here?” You whisper after your toes are back on the ground, gesturing to Jack.

“After I got in the shower I guess.” Nico replies, keeping his words down too. “I thought you knew.”

Blinking a couple times, you shake your head and decide to just forget about it, though it is a little concerning that you didn’t hear him come in at all.

Nico ducks his head down, catching your lips in a short but sweet kiss. You cup his face again, a small noise of protest squeaking out of your throat when you’re reminded of the nice and clean beard he’s now sporting. And the stupid mustache that’s not entirely a mustache.

“M’trying to say good morning,” Nico mumbles against your lips, “don’t be a brat. It’ll grow back.”

You scoff, pulling back just enough to have his eyes fluttering open, eyebrows pinching in displeasure. Lips parting to argue, Nico cuts you off with a nip at your bottom lip.

“Now’s not the time for arguing baby,” he says sweetly, tilting his head towards bed. “Don’t wanna wake the kids do you?”

Something warm drips onto the top of your head, trickles down your spine and all the way to your toes. You melt, heart shuddering excitedly in your chest and you have to bite your tongue to keep from making whatever pathetic noise was bubbling happily in your throat.

The kids. Nico called the boys the kids. Kids as in his and yours. Not just yours anymore. That used to be his favorite tease, telling you that the younger boys were your kids whenever they decide to annoy him.

Now, suddenly they’re his too. You can’t even begin to explain how that feels to hear. All you can really come up with is right. It feels right for him to say that.

Oh god, you need to talk to Timo right now.

~~~~

Your knuckles rap against Timo’s door, more urgent and harsh than you meant and you wince when the hasty sounds of someone scrambling on the other side squeak out from under the crack of the door.

Timo barely has time to open the door before you’re pushing in, shoving him back by the chest. Glancing around the lower hallway for Nico, you close and lock the door when you’re certain he’s still outside getting more fire wood.

“Jesus warn a fella would ya?” Timo cries, rubbing at his shoulder as he plops down on the rolling desk chair.

“You would say the word fella.”

He tilts his head, unamused. “What do you want?”

Remembering why you’re here in the first place, you sit on the edge of his bed, folding your legs over each other. “Nico called the boys the kids.”

Timo laughs softly, resting his elbows on his knees and shrugging his hands out. “He does that all the time.”

“No like our kids.” You clarify, eyes widening as you emphasize Nico’s words. “Not my kids, he said it like they were ours.”

You expect Timo’s jaw to drop, his eyebrows to raise in shock, maybe even throw his head back with surprise. This is Nico, who has never in life let anyone get away with joking about the boys being his kids. He ignores Luke and Jack when they call him papa or dad, he calls you a single mom when the boys refer you to as mother figure. Sure it’s said in a joking matter, but Nico has never given the impression that he wants to be seen as a father figure right now.

Timo’s face scrunches into a wince, leaning back in his chair and you stare at him in confusion. “What just happened here? Why are you making that face?”

He opens his mouth, closes it, sighs. Struggling for something to say, he finally settles on “you didn’t see that coming?”

“This is Nico we’re talking about.”

“Yeah but it’s also you, and Nico wants to be a part of everything you’re a part of.”

Of course you knew that. You know he’d do anything, follow you anywhere to always be with you. Just like you would and have done for him. But this is different. Every conversation you’ve ever had about kids and a family with him was spoken about in the terms of the future. Not tomorrow or a week from now or even months. It was always years.

Nico bringing this up now is just….

You don’t even know. It’s not like a family with him isn’t something you want, but you definitely don’t want it right now. You want to be his fiancée first, live in a bubble of knowing he loves you enough to marry you. And you want to be his wife first too, see how the role fits and your relationship changes.

You have to learn how to be a good wife before you can even think of being a mother with him.

“He’s just-I mean he hasn’t even proposed yet and now he’s doing this? Is he like trying to see if I freak out or something?”

Ironically, now Timo’s jaw drops and he blinks at you like you’ve just uttered some unspoken or forbid secret. “He told you he’s gonna propose?”

Narrowing your eyes at him, you examine his body langue. He doesn’t look surprised at all, not caught off guard by your words one bit.

“You knew!” You accuse.

Timo points a finger at you, exclaiming, “How do you even know?”

“Well he kind of already asked.”

“What? How? When?”

You shrug, trying to act casual and innocent. “After we had sex on the living room rug when you went to spend time with your mom.”

It’s comical the way his nose scrunches in disgust, eyebrows pinching together. It’s however, quickly wiped away with a look of utter disappointment.

“Oh god, he asked you during sex didn’t he?”

“After? Kinda?”

Timo shakes his head, squeezes his eyes shut like it actually pains him to hear that, like he physically can’t stand the idea of that being his proposal.

“I swear for being so smart he’s fucking stupid,” you try not to laugh even though it’s true. “I mean tell me he at least wasn’t still-ya know?” Timo makes a motion with his hands, thrusting them outwards.

You blink, confused and unamused by this turn in conversation. “I have no idea what that means.”

“Oh for fucks sake was he still inside you?”

Thinking back, you try to recall everything that happened that day but it was a rough one for you. Particularly the fighting with Nico and then the whole getting kidnapped thing and not having any memory for a bit there.

You can picture him clear as day though, laying next to you when he suggested marriage. No matter how many times Lena hits you in the head, you don’t think you’d ever forget that.

“No he wasn’t, he was just…holding me.” Your tone softens at the end, lips fighting to curl up and you grab the throw pillow from his bed, hugging it to your fluttering stomach.

Timo’s smile is sweet. “You two are disgusting.”

And that kills the mood. Frowning, you throw the pillow at him. “Come on, you’re supposed to be helping me with this!”

“I am!” He laughs, chucking the pillow back. You catch it easily, setting it in your lap and picking at the corners of it

“You’ve said nothing of note.”

“Ok, ok,” he relents, running a hand down his face as he thinks. “First of all, never say yes to a proposal if you or anyone in the room is naked.”

You roll your eyes, motioning for him to move on.

“Second, just give him a break ok? He’s-there’s a lot he’s trying to figure out right now.”

Bristling, you frown at him. “What does that mean?”

Timo groans, exasperated. “Look his-and don’t say I told you this-“ he waits for you to nod in agreement before continuing. “-his proposal to you kinda got hijacked and he might be freaking out trying to redo it.”

Redo it. Timo didn’t know about Nico asking you that day you were taken. Which means he knew of another plan Nico had, one that failed.

You think of how much Nico begged you that day when you were fighting, how even came off angry when asking you to just let things go for now. He didn’t want to fight with you, he didn’t want space from you.

And how upset, how unlike himself he was the day after. Where he’s usually strong headed and solid, he was stubborn and unyielding in a way that made you want to yank your hair out. He was freaking out and the only way Nico can show emotions he’s not used to having is by taking control.

He was going to propose, you realize, fingers finding the metal of your pendant, tracing over the metal of the ring. Nico must have one, an engagement one. One that he picked out and bought himself. Not the family heirloom ring, the one that he didn't care about because even without it he was going to marry you.

This whole trip was about him wanting to propose. It wasn’t a one off, heat of the moment thing when he asked you. He had been thinking about it, planning it, and most importantly trying to do it in a place that means so much to him.

How are you ever going to fix the mess that you know is spinning around in that pretty little head of his?

[maddieautobot273]

Silk & Cologne (58)

A Miguel O'Hara x OC fanfic - link to AO3 (X)

Chapter 58: Switch - link to previous chapter (X)

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Female Spidersona OC

Words: 3K+

Warnings: PG no major warnings, brief mention of abduction

Summary: Lisa learns a few secrets were being kept from her.

/////////

“You just got better and now you’re leaving us?” Hannah pouted as she hugged my arm tightly. 

After I could finally stop pretending my ankle was still healing, I started coming back to dance practice as of yesterday. I missed seeing my friends, dancing with them and hyping up the other teams in our studio. It was a lovely refresher, but soon I’d have to leave them again, albeit temporarily. 

It had been 2 weeks since Miguel agreed to go to Korea with me to visit my family, and more importantly, go see my step-father again. This would be our first time physically seeing each other in over 2 years. I hadn’t seen him since after my surgery, and upon that realization, my free arm subconsciously wrapped around myself, my thumb brushing over a spot on my shirt where one of my scars was. 

“It’s only for a few days. I’ll be back in no time.” I tried to reassure Hannah, offering her my sympathies. 

“Where are you going?” Kasey asked, looking me over.

While she didn’t outright say it, she was visibly the most worried for me. Kasey did everything to make sure I took breaks, didn’t apply too much pressure on my now healed ankle and foot when I moved, and made sure I stayed hydrated. Moments like this made me wonder why I was made our team's leader, when Kasey clearly should have been the better choice. I should have played something else in our rock paper scissors match. 

“I’m going to Seoul.” I managed a soft smile. It would be good to see some of my family that I hadn’t been in contact with for a while. It was everything else I was worried about. 

“You got family over there?” Toya asked me. 

I nodded lightly. “Yeah, from my. . . step-father’s side.”

“Is Miguel going with you?” Touga asked me, playfully nudging my arm. “Dude’s gotta get the blessing from somebody, eh?”

My cheeks flushed instantly. “Oh my god, shut up, dude!” I cackled, shoving him away. “We just started dating!”

“The looks don’t lie, Lis’,” Touga smirks proudly, looking confident as he straightens. “People get engaged within a year, it happens.”

“Not for us, I don’t think.” I glared back at him, though I failed to stop a smirk from forming on my lips. 

Just the mental image of Miguel getting down on one knee before me was enough to make my heart flutter, making my stomach do backflips. He said so himself during our talk just the other month, a part of me still grieves Xina, and misses her deeply, he said, but I’m also coming to the point where I can no longer deny how I feel about you, Lisa. Not anymore. 

With the new times Touga has been around Miguel, what looks has he been seeing that I haven’t?

“Moving on to the topic at hand,” Kasey playfully swats at Touga to chill out before looking over at me. “You’re visiting your step-family?”

“Yeah, just for a few days and I’ll be back.” I smiled, nodding along. 

“Is it someone’s birthday?” Hannah asked. “I hear they threw really big parties for that!”

I chuckled at Hannah’s innocence. “Something like that. . “

“Well, we’ll miss you while you’re gone, and hope you have fun!” Hannah smiled brightly, giving me a big hug. “Bring us back souvenirs?”

I chuckled softly as I hugged her back. “I’ll certainly try.”

When practice was over we gathered our things and said bye to one another at the entrance of the studio. Hannah was tagging along with the twins to check out a new cafe while Kasey and I walked together in the opposite direction. We made small talk with one another, catching up on our personal lives.

We made it to a stop light and as we waited for our turn to cross, Kasey looked over at me. “So, what’s going to happen while you’re there and not here?”

I raised a brow as I glanced over at her. “What do you mean?”

“Who’s going to protect the city if Harry comes back?” She asked me. 

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and my body turned cold. How did she–?!

“It’s obviously not Miguel, cause he’s going with you,” Kasey went on as the light turned green and she started walking forward. “So will you have to call one of your other spider friends to help you?”

I gawked at her, fumbling with my words as I staggered catching up to her. “What are you talking about, Kasey?” I desperately tried to play dumb, but I knew it was a long shot. 

There was absolutely no way Kasey still remembered getting abducted by Chameleon. Us saving her, stopping Harry’s invasion of Earth-1218. 

I caught up to her at the opposite end of the cross walk and she looked over at me with a serious expression. “I remember everything, Lisa. That memory device Miguel talked about? I don’t know what I did for it to not work on me, but it didn’t. I still remember all of it.”

I stared at her, frozen. “Kasey. . .” 

“I haven’t told the others. I know they believed you before, but I’m not so sure if they would now, but I’ll let you explain it to them all again at some point when you’re ready to,” She went on, before offering me a soft smile. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Then it hits me. At one point during the encounter, she reached for my wrist and touched my gizmo. Did it protect her somehow?

My thoughts were interrupted when a loud horn startled me, making me jump as a bright yellow taxi drove by us. “I’m walkin’ here!” I yelled. 

I’ve always wanted to say that. 

“So,” I turned back to Kasey as we started walking again. “You know about–?”

“How Miguel is Spider-Man 2099, there’s a Spider Society, you occasionally hop to other dimensions to fight villains, and yes, I know that was you who stopped that Nike heist the other week on the news.” She grinned knowingly. 

“Oh shit.” I found myself saying it out loud. 

Kasey burst out laughing. “You should see your face!”

I laughed along with her, and for a moment, all seemed right in the world. 

///////////

The next day. . .

Over the week as we talked about the trip, we ultimately decided to be normal people and book plane tickets to Seoul. My reasoning was instead of using the Gizmo to teleport straight to the city (honestly that’s on me for not thinking it could do that and only lock in on different dimension’s versions of New York City), was that I wanted time to think of a plan and figure out what I would like to say and talk about with my step-father when I see him again. 

I found I work better under pressure which was why I was putting off my big speech and things until literally flying over there. 

I was even more surprised when Miguel agreed to the plan. Knowing him, I thought he’d be leaning towards the opposite, wanting to make things easier for me, but after hearing me out, he seemed to change his mind. 

I’m the first to get out of the taxi cab as we arrive at the departure gate of JFK International. I turn to face Miguel as he’s getting out. “Okay, game plan! We check in, get through security and munch on some pre-flight snacks I brought because airport food is not the greatest, and I’d rather not have something happen in the middle of a 15 hour flight.”

Miguel looks over at me, a calm smile on his face as he stuffs his hands in his pockets as he circles around the back of the taxi to grab our suitcases from the trunk. “Solid plan, enough to get our bearings.” He nodded nonchalantly before glancing my way again. “Or. . .”

“Or?” I repeated, seeming confused.  

“Mr. O’Hara, Ms. Kendrick?” A sweet sounding voice calls out. I turn around to see a well dressed uniformed airline attendant with her hair tied back in a bun and cherry red lipstick. She had a friendly demeanor about her. “Good afternoon.”

“Um, hello?” I greeted with an awkward expression. “I’m sorry, did we park in the wrong area?”

“Not at all miss, you’re right on time.” The woman shook her head before two more associates of hers approached. “We can take your bags for you as you check in with first class and head to security.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.” Miguel nodded his head towards them with a kind smile. 

“Huh?” I glanced around, confused as the attendants started to take our bags. “There must be a misunderstanding. I booked economy tickets, not–!”

“It’s alright, Lisa.” Miguel quickly cut in, brushing a hand at my waist as he gently pulled me along. “They’ll take care of it.”

“But-!” I thought my neck was going to snap with the amount of times my head whirled between Miguel and our luggage as he guided us away. 

“They’ll be fine.” He reassured me with a squeeze as we entered the airport. 

Miguel continued to be deliberately silent as we checked in, made it through security and walked right up to our gate and immediately boarded the plane, all while going through a ‘priority access’ lane. I did a double take on our plane tickets. It was the airline I had paid for my tickets for, yes, but this was a completely different plane that we were on. 

The plane was huge with two floors of seating. The first floor was for economy and business class, while the second floor was for first class. Guess which floor we ended up on?

“Mr. O’Hara, Ms. Kendrick, welcome aboard. Let me show you to your private cabin.” A flight attendant greeted us. 

I’m sorry, did she say a cabin? 

We followed the flight attendant down the aisle and I was blown away by the fancy and clean decor and interior of the plane. There was a full on seating area and a cocktail bar in the middle of the aisle! We were given complimentary champagne as we walked past and I had to steel myself and not accidentally drop it on the floor as we kept walking. 

“Here’s your cabin.” The attendant directed us inside.

The cabin had blue leather recliners, complete with cup holders with built-in cooling or heat settings, a remote, a flat screen TV, a closet with coat hangers, way more leg room that was necessary, and a panel in the floor opened up to a pull out dining table. 

“Thank you kindly.” I gaped at the sight as Miguel sauntered in and sat down in his seat without a care in the world, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary. 

“We’ll be finishing boarding and taking off shortly.” The flight attendant informed us. “Would you like for me to convert your seats into the fold out bed now or after take off?”

I’m sorry, a fold out what now?!

I shoved my bag towards Miguel to stop him from speaking up, clearing my throat to cover his surprised yelp. “After, thank you.” I nodded politely to the attendant. 

“Enjoy your flight.” She smiled before walking away. 

I turned around to face Miguel, eyes wide, my body shaking from how anxious I was feeling about the last few minutes. “Miguel, I can’t afford this! There has to be a mistake with the check in!”

“What if it's not a mistake?” he shrugged, failing to see the problem as he set my bag down on the floor. 

“I mean, look at this place!” I swear I thought my eyes were going to fall right out of their sockets as I looked around the cabin. I opened the closest door to find folded pajamas, towels, and-! Too many expensive things. “This stuff is softer than everything I own!”

“Is that such a bad thing for a temporary convenience?” He asked me, a soft smile on his face.

I watched Miguel as he leaned back into his chair, swirling his glass of champagne around, and then it hit me. My eyes go wide as I approach him slowly, taking my seat next to him. “You switched our plane tickets, didn’t you?”

Miguel offered me side eyes as he sipped his drink.

I gawked at him. “Miguel O’Hara-!”

Miguel swallowed, lowering the glass from his lips as he laughed, shrugging his shoulders. “I had to do something!”

“That also explains why you stopped me from looking at our check in details last night.” I realized, my eyes loosely glaring in his direction. 

Miguel playfully glared back at me, pointing a finger. “Only because you wouldn’t stop stressing over the flight and kept checking it for the 20th time last night.”

“You really changed them while I was asleep last night?” I asked him with genuine concern. 

Miguel said nothing, only shrugging his shoulders in defeat. 

I slouched into my chair with a sigh. “Miguel, this. . . this is too much. Our dates are one thing, but this? Don’t you need the money for the–” I pause briefly, glancing around before shutting and locking our cabin door before facing him again. “Spider Society?”

“I have plenty enough to fund the Spider Society, keep it running, and take care of personal needs.” Miguel shook his head, reaching for the plane’s magazine and browsing through it. “It’s alright, Lisa, really.”

Personal Needs?

Funding and running the Spider-Society, paying a rent or mortgage on his penthouse apartment, driving a Ferrari, taking care of himself, and paying for our dates? Sometimes expensive dates?

When it came to the topic of money, it was something Miguel seemed to avoid talking about with me. 

I look at him curiously as I raise a brow at him, and I know Miguel can feel me staring at him as I say, “Miguel, what did you say you did at Alchemax again?”

“I worked in their biology department, specializing in DNA splicing.” Miguel answered, flipping through the pages, and when he continued to feel my stare, his cheeks flushed a light shade of pink as he brought a hand to rub the back of his neck. “I. . . may have also worked my way up the corporate ladder.”

Both of my eyebrows went up in surprise. “You became head of the department?”

That could explain it. 

Miguel offered me a side glance before sighing, lowering the magazine into his lap. “The very top of the corporate ladder.” He emphasized, giving me a tired smile. 

Oh now that really explained it!! 

I sat up. “You were Alchemax’s CEO?!” I whispered in shock, resisting the urge to scream. 

Miguel seemed to stare at me for a good long minute before suddenly bursting into laughter. I sat there, confused, worried that if I had upset him somehow with how I reacted. He calmed himself down, shaking his head, even whipping a tear from his eye before meeting my gaze again. “You really are committed to the whole deal of getting to know me without looking at your dimensions comic books, are you?”

My heart fluttered at his statement. “Well, I made a promise, didn’t I?”

Miguel’s expression softened, giving me a smile that gave me butterflies. “That you did.” We both smiled at one another for a brief moment before Miguel cleared his throat and adjusted his composure. “So, regardless, I did this because I wanted to help you relax, and make this trip as stress free as I possibly could.”

“Miguel, it’s still a lot of money, I’m sure this didn’t come cheap.” I insisted with a worried look.

Miguel leaned forward, pointing at his mouth that curled into a proud smirk. "Read my lips. I did this because I. Wanted. To."

My mind was going haywire. Of all of the things he’s done for me, for some reason my mind couldn’t comprehend all of this. "B-B-B-But-!" A look of guilt washed over me as I tried to reach a hand for him, but he caught it gently and lowered it into my lap. 

"Don't give me that look. Let me spoil you and take care of you." His voice was lowered but comforting as he offered me a warm smile, squeezing my hand. 

"Spoiling me is buying me a new book or taking me to get coffee or chipotle when I'm sad.” I tried to rationalize, my eyes wandering the space of the cabin again before meeting his gaze again. “This is something else entirely!"

Miguel hummed, his head turning to the side as if he were deep in thought. “You know what? You’re right.”

I recoiled back slightly, taken back. “I am?” Was he finally coming to his senses? 

“Those times I was treating you, mi Mona Lisa. This is spoiling. There’s a difference between the two, and there’s nothing wrong with that, or either in fact.” He stated, giving me this longing look of pure adoration and affect that made my heart skip a beat. “Thank you for correcting me.”

“Miguel. . .” My face lowered into a small pout, utterly speechless as I struggled to find any more words to try and talk him out of this. 

"Lisa.” He stressed my name, taking my hands in his to settle me. 

I could see the look in his eyes, the way they seemed to pour into mine as I lowered myself back in my seat.

“You're meeting your step-father again for the first time in 2 years. Just focus on preparing yourself for that and seeing your family. Let me handle the rest.” He squeezed my hand once more, a little more tightly this time as he smiled, flashing one of his fangs. “Okay?"

Slowly, I nodded. 

“Now then.” Miguel reached over for the food menu tucked away in a side compartment on the wall, looking through it before turning back towards me. “Did you want the ravioli or the curry for dinner?”

Sighing in defeat, I put on a weak smile as I leaned on my side against my seat. “The ravioli, please. . .”

Miguel smiles warmly at me, letting go of my hand before gently taking my chin gently in between his index finger and thumb and pecking my lips, then my forehead. “Then that’s what my smart girl gets.”

////////

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[exlibrisfangirl]

Surgery is scheduled for February 6th!

My neurosurgeon believes I have a condition called occult tethered cord syndrome. A tethered cord occurs when the spinal cord gets stuck - or "tethered" - somewhere within the spinal column, causing the cord to pull taut and stretch, which then causes neuropathy and nerve damage (tethered cord syndrome). Sometimes, spinal cord "tethering" can be caused by scar tissue, bone spurs, tumors, or other structural obstructions that are easy to see on an X-ray/MRI/CT scan. "Occult" tethered cord is the name for a tethered cord that doesn't have a clear cause/tether point visible on imaging... but an experienced neurosurgeon will know what to look for (e.g. a spine that is being pulled too straight, thickening of the connective tissue at the bottom of the spine, etc.). To fix occult tethered cord, the surgeon must go in and look for areas where the connective tissue holding the bottom of the spinal cord in place (called the "filum terminosum") is pulling it tight, then cut the offending strands. My neurosurgeon told me that, because I've had chronic sciatica (which was originally triggered by two herniated discs in my lumbar spine) since 2009, as well as a handful of other neuropathies affecting my legs and lower organs, it's possible I've had a tethered cord for a very long time.

My neurosurgeon has performed this specific procedure 300 times, and only 2 of those times haven't been as successful as she'd hoped (but there was still some improvement). I like those odds! Patients have traveled from 11 states - and counting - to see her... and she just so happens to: a) practice in my hometown, and b) specialize in working with patients with connective tissue disorders. 😳 I am KEENLY aware of how fortunate I am, and SO very thankful!

That being said, recovery is going to be a long road. In my neurosurgeon's words, the first couple months can be "pretty gnarly", which is expected for such a major surgery. I essentially have a functional spinal cord injury from this issue going untreated for so long, so the post-op pain is going to be intense, as all of the damaged nerves below the tether point will start to "wake up" and heal. (Think... random electric shocks down your legs, whilst constantly feeling like you're on fire from the waist down. 😬) We're hopeful that the damage to my left leg, bladder, and bowels can be reversed, at least for the most part. (My left foot has been numb for several years now, so that may be beyond fixing... but I should be able to walk without a mobility aid - when my joints are behaving, at least - within a few months after surgery!) It is also possible (but not guaranteed) that, in the long-term, some or all of my other neurological conditions (e.g. POTS, gastroparesis, peripheral neuropathy, Raynaud's Syndrome, etc.) could see some degree of improvement as a result of this surgery. I am (cautiously) optimistic!

Because recovery is going to take an undetermined number of months, and there are a jumble of other health-related and personal things going on as well, I am not going back to my job after surgery. Instead, I plan to find work I can do from home for the foreseeable future. If any of you have experience with remote work, freelance or otherwise, I'd appreciate your tips!

Also, if you're the praying kind, please be praying that nothing gets worse/goes wrong between now and February, and that I am able to survive through the end of January at work! I feel like I am dangling over a crocodile pit, clinging for dear life to a dangerously fraying rope (which is, incidentally, my spinal cord 😅)... and I can't hold on much longer!

[odysseys-blood]

i feel like a baby whenever i have to remind myself its ok to want things and to be upset when i cant do what i want and that it is in fact normal to be sad abt not being able to go out bc humans arent supposed to be in the same room upwards of 10 hrs a day

[peachiipark]

Adult Trio with a s/o who is dying from a rare disease

Eventually she survives but becomes very weak (headcanon)

this one's gonna be a little sad 😭 even though she survives, it'll still be heartbreaking to see your lover in that state. these ones are a bit similar to my cancer headcanons, be sure to check it out too!

this is also VERY late. i had a very eventful break and struggled with my schedule. also, i accidentally got addicted to genshin impact. yes, im ashamed 😭 i hope you enjoy!

chrollo lucilfer!

“ don't overwork yourself, my love. you fought against death, so i'm going to fight for you to live comfortably. ”

if there's anything that i know about loved ones having rare diseases, finding treatment will be both difficult and expensive

i have a feeling that chrollo will have a similar reaction to when his s/o had cancer, but he might be a bit more on edge

he won't be afraid to drop more work on the troupe and on himself to make money for treatment

in the situation that you must go under surgery, he's sticking by your side the whole time. maybe he'll find a nen user who can cure you if surgery doesn't exist!

just know that he isn't one to give up

when you recover from the disease, there were a few side effects to your treatment that caused you to become weak

chrollo has a trusted group member (ahem, kindly see yourselves out, feitan, nobunaga, and uvogin) waiting on you hand and foot. why wouldn't he do so? he has the money?

illumi zoldyck!

“ you can't fend for yourself, y/n. i'll have to protect you. even when you get back on your feet, you best stay behind me. ”

illumi is loaded

but even money has its limits

illumi is also smart and knows that there's one thing he can use to solve his problems fast

NANIKA

illumi wants to use nanika as quick as possible just to save the love of his life. maybe killua thought about helping him, but who in their right mind would fall in love with illumi? (me)

eventually he finds a capable nen user that can heal you, but unfortunately, it deteriorated your strength immensely.

illumi prefers to have his lover depend on him, but that doesn't mean he enjoys to watch you suffer.

as a future zoldyck, you have the BEST material conditions possible. emotionally?? ehhhhh... we can discuss that part later.

hisoka morrow!

“ look at you, my sweet. you're doing so well. ”

hisoka.. i'm sure he's loaded, but i'm not sure how he spends it, you know

back to the cancer post, hisoka has really no use for "broken toys" as he put it

however, i'm about to commit an act of ooc for the sake of making hisoka simps happy

i just realized how much i'm referencing the cancer post with this one.. i'm sorry 😭

he doesn't spend lots of time with you in the hospital, but you know that he'll ALWAYS come and visit you at some point. it doesn't matter if he comes at 11pm or 4:27am, but he's going!

once you get out, hisoka makes sure that you're far away from all of his bullshit

picture it: you're staying in hisoka's apartment. despite the fact that your haven't seen him for about two months or so, there's a stocked fridge, cabinets, and you've got everything you need.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

accompany on: to the masterlist!

[codename-adler]

Death of Heroes

Because not even Neil can outrun the ephemerality of men.

Renee is the first one to go. 

Nearing sixty but never reaching it, she is outlived by Abby and Wymack. At least Stephanie Walker is waiting for her at the gates of Heaven, but for the rest of her Foxes, the loss is heavy.

It’s cancer. Leukemia.

It started with the bruises from her sparring matches with Andrew not healing very well. Then not at all. After decades of maintaining these monthly meetings, of keeping her body healthy, Renee finally has to give it up. She knows something is wrong, and she knows that these sessions won’t be of any help, now.

Then the extreme fatigue starts. Still, Renee doesn’t do a thing about it. Or at least, she lets life go its own course. She looses weight, which she already doesn’t have much of. But then the nosebleeds begin, and it’s no use telling Allison to stop worrying. The diagnosis is unsurprising, yet still shattering. And it’s not a good prognosis either, but it’s still not bad enough for the doctor to give up the Five-Year survival plan.

Renee has to speak up. Ally, I don’t want to do this. She has to put her foot down. Allison, my love, it’ll be okay. I won’t get better, you and I both know that. But it can be okay. It can still be good.

Renee doesn’t get treatment. Renee doesn’t tell anybody, except Andrew. Because Andrew knows, somehow, that she made a terrible, irreversible choice. Because Andrew only deals in truths. Because Andrew is Andrew, and just as he needed her all those years ago, she needs him now.

A little more than six months pass, with less and less outings from Renee and more and more excuses from Allison, and Renee gets sick. Really sick. It starts like a regular cold. Then it looks more like the flu. And suddenly it’s pneumonia, and respiratory difficulties, and lung failure. She’s in that hospital bed, wearing that gown, breathing in that mask. Renee finally nods to Allison, giving her consent.

Ally makes the call.

Only Andrew and Dan make it in time.

Renee Walker goes out like a light.

The Foxes, who had once upon a time been used to murders, life-threatening schemes and acts of extreme violence, had never really known Death itself. The simple, yet inevitable fate of human lives. Of going quietly into the night. It’s all so quiet. So anticlimactic. It’s so quiet, too quiet, too heavy with silence. This time, there is no one to blame, no one to punish, no one to take responsibility.

It’s just life. It’s just death.

Wymack and Abby can’t believe that one of their Foxes, on of their kids, left before them. Renee’s Korean roots made her look barely a day over forty, which made it all so much worse. Renee’s death takes a toll on every single one of them. Because it’s Renee, the best of them. Because all her papers are in orders, her will to date, her wishes known; just as when she was alive, she leaves no chaos behind her.

There is nothing and no one to be mad at, except life.

In the cemetery where Stephanie Walker is buried, Andrew buys a large lot of land. (Large enough to one day welcome all the Foxes) The tomb is moved over there, and Renee’s name is added. A tree is planted above her scattered ashes. It’s very small, very fragile, but with the years, it grows strong.

For the first time, the Foxes realize that, despite going through Hell and back in their youth, they are not immortal. There is nothing to be done about that, but it hurts. It hurts to lose their angel this way, so soon, so suddenly. It hurts to lose, period. It feels like a failure, like giving up. They lost her. They lost.

But somehow, they gained something else they might never know about. Renee might have been the only religious one among them, but that didn’t stop her from becoming their Guardian Angel. Because somehow, from then on, the Foxes were spared.

Let me show you.

Just as Bee had a few years before Renee, Abby, then Wymack, simply die in their sleep, no fight, no agony. None of them have to see another Fox go before them. They don’t have to go through that indescribable ordeal ever again. They are spared the pain.

Then decades pass, enough for the remaining Foxes to grow very old, and live very long. Not infinitely, but long enough.

Matt is the next one to go.

Matt has worked hard all his life, both mentally and physically. It comes to no surprise, then, that arthritis chose to invade his body. For the first few years living with the diagnosis, natural medicine and osteopathy are enough to keep the pain at bay. It doesn’t stop Matt from doing anything. He babysits his 9 grandchildren with Dan every week; he goes on roadtrips with Dan every summer; he goes on a light jog with Dan every day.

It’s just that one day, it’s not enough anymore. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the pain becomes too much for Matt to do his day-to-day activities. And really, the pain, he could take; it was an old friend, a familiar feeling, almost like a sixth sense.

It was the mental toll of it all that he couldn’t take. To have to say no to seeing his grandchildren. No to driving around endlessly and aimlessly for hours. No to waking up in sync with Dan every morning, and no to their routine, and no, and no, and just- not living.

For the first time in a long time, Matt doesn’t want to do this anymore.

But he does, still. He smiles, and he lies, and he tries to will away the pain.

It all comes down to one afternoon, when he takes his painful walk of the day around the neighborhood. There are three little kids playing Exy in their driveway, when suddenly a ball escapes their racquets and rolls down in the street. The smallest kid runs after it, runs and runs and runs, without looking. Kind of like Neil, Matt thinks to himself before his body acts of his own. The kid doesn’t see the car, and the car doesn’t see the kid. Matt sees both.

The BMW is going way over the limit, its sleek black sides reflecting the sun too brightly. Despite his pain, despite his age, despite his now slow reflexes, Matt leaps. He screams at the kid to stop and turn around, to let the ball roll away, but to no avail. 

Matt pushes the kid away in time for the car to hit him instead, and only him.

The rest becomes a blur, but the final verdict is as such: broken hip, shattered leg, probably won’t walk ever again, even with surgery. The doctors and surgeons warn Matt that with his age, his pre-existing condition, and his drug history, surgery might kill him. But Matt refuses to be bedridden for the rest of his already miserable life. Dan knows that. She knows that he has to try. Knows that he might not pull through. She also knows that Matt wants to go, has wanted to for a while now. 

She calls Neil. She calls Allison. From there, all the Foxes are bound to get the news. Matt promises to wait until their arrival before going into surgery. In the meantime, the nurses start a morphine line, after warning the couple very strongly about the side effects and the risks. But Matt is in pain, terrible pain, and it’s a compromise to wait for his Foxes. It takes about a week for all of them to come to his bedside, with Nicky being last, coming all the way from Germany. Neil and Allison barely leave his room; Dan doesn’t at all. The others take turns, leaving as much space for Matt’s kids and grandkids as their hearts can allow.

The open spot for Matt’s surgery is on a Friday.

Matt Boyd does not make it to Friday. 

The morphine is too heavy on his heart. It was a possible outcome, not as alarming as the upcoming surgery, but... Matt had secretely wished to go ever since and- maybe, up there in Heaven, someone heard him... 

Dan and Matt had had a mutual understanding, that it was okay, but it doesn’t make it any more easy to let go. 

Two months into Matt’s departure, Allison moves in with Dan. She walks her through every stage of grief. She grieves all over again herself, too. But they make it.

Same goes for Andrew with Neil. Neil doesn’t know loss like this. Death like this.

And yet. And yet. Deep, deep down, Neil is scared. That after all his years of running, and fighting, and lying, he won’t get that peaceful ending Matt was granted.

But Neil lives.

And Nicky leaves.

A few months after Matt, he and Erik simply stay in the States. They say it’s because they want to be close, because they don’t want to miss anything, because they don’t want to risk a Fox leaving without a chance at saying goodbye. Because Nicky misses his Aaron and his Andrew.

Which are all valid and true motives. It’s just not the whole truth.

Nicky has dementia. Alzheimer’s, to be precise. Diagnosed about a year ago. It’s not bad yet, but- It’s the endless back-and-forth between the house and “der Supermarkt” because Nicky forgot what he drove there for in the first place. It’s forgetting words in all the languages Nicky speaks. It’s freaking out at all the Germans speaking German, because Nicky sometimes believe he is still living in America. It’s not finding the Columbia house and panicking when Nicky can’t get a hold of Andrew or Aaron.

It’s hard, it’s heartbreaking, it’s terrifying, but it’s manageable.

Once Nicky and Erik settle back down in North Carolina, they both wonder how long it’ll take before the twins figure it out, because there is no way Nicky is telling them, but he also knows nothing can get past his twins.

And he’s right. Between Aaron’s acute knowledge of Medicine and Andrew’s reknown lie-detector skills, it takes about 14 days for them to take Nicky hostage and demand the truth. 

As the year comes to an end, Nicky’s dementia doesn’t seem to progress that much. He seems to escape the worst. He doesn’t forget anyone. He doesn’t become aggressive, doesn’t go missing, doesn’t lose any function of his body. Without looking too closely, Nicky is simply getting old. 

The twin girls he and Erik adopted get to move back in for a little while, having lived in the U.S. all their lives and seeing their parents fly to Germany after their retirement. They know, too, and try to make the most of it. They are lucky. They are so lucky. Nicky is a miracle patient.

In the end, though, it’s Nicky’s body rather than his mind that gives out. Once you reach a certain point in time living with the disease, but without the general complications of it, eventually the brain has trouble managing all the organs of the body. So instead of forgetting to eat, or forgetting names and faces, sometimes your brain doesn’t remember how to make your heart beat. Or how to make make your lungs breathe.

Nicky Hemmick stops breathing in the middle of the night, after having wished his twin daughters goodnight, texted his other set of twins goodnight, and kissed his husband goodnight. Nicky had thought, then, that it was indeed, a good night.

Just as he had remembered his Foxes until the end, he was remembered by them as the big-hearted lover that Heaven had just gained as its new angel.

Too soon after him, though, it’s Allison’s turn. 

It’s not that she’d simply been waiting around for the day she could be reunited with Renee. She just didn’t understand why her Foxes kept leaving, and why she was still stuck here without her other half. 

She didn’t just wait, though. She helps Dan out with the grandkids, and sometimes the grown-up kids too. She volunteers a lot. She gives back to the Columbia community, and all around the world. She travels to places she’s never been, places that remind her of Renee, but are void of painful memories. She empties their bucket list, and much more. The last thing Allison has yet to do, the only thing left to do, is mending her relationship with her parents. Or parent. Singular. In spite of everything, including the death of her husband, Francesca Reynolds was still standing strong at the head of the Reynolds empire. 100 years old was nothing when you lived in spite. 

In a twisted way, Allison believed that maybe her mother was the last piece she needed to mend before she was allowed to go. That despite being gone for years, Renee was still there somewhere, looking out for her and making sure she didn’t have any regrets. 

So Allison accomplished the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the impossible. For the first time in decades, she flew back to the Reynolds estate and spoke to her mother. In person. 

It was not the emotional reunion Renee might have hoped for, but it was a reunion still. That was more than enough for Allison. They didn’t talk about the big things. The important things. But they talked. They talked. And they scheduled another talk. 

Back home with Dan, Allison embraced her friend and let the tears fall. She was grateful for her friend, but both of them knew that these were not the arms Allison wished to be held in. She went to rest a bit before dinner, and she tried to imagine how it would feel like to have Renee hold her again.

For someone as loud, as present and as strong as she was, Allison Walker slipped quietly from time. 

When Dan found her, she could only smile tearfully. She played with her hair one last time as she called her Foxes.

Allison left Dan in charge of her finances, and so she took over her charity duties and went above and beyond to honor her friend’s memory. Her sister.

Dan thought she would be next. She wished, she hoped, she prayed to be next.

She wasn’t.

Kevin was.

He might have been the biggest and hardest loss to weather. It wasn’t a feeling that could be explained. As painful as it had been to lose Renee, and Matt, and Nicky, and Allison, losing Kevin was... the great and terrible 10, as they’d say.

Kevin should have died way sooner. His liver should have given out because of all the alcohol it had endured in Kevin’s youth. His heart should have given out because of all the stress it had faced for most of Kevin’s life. All the bad things that could happen with old age should have happened to Kevin, but they didn’t. They didn’t. 

Death came knocking one day, and politely asked him if he would please follow them, and Kevin simply took it as a sign that his time was up.

That day, Kevin had felt a numbing pain in his chest all morning long. Used to little injuries here and there, he hadn’t thought anything of it. And he certainly wasn’t about to worry his doctor of a husband... 

However, as the sun reached it’s highest in the sky, Kevin couldn’t really hide his pain any longer. He had lain down on their couch for a bit, but he couldn’t seem to get back up. It was too exhausting. So he called for Aaron, as loud as he could in the state he was. 

As Aaron stumbled into the living room, Kevin tried to use his softest voice to inform his husband of the situation. Aaron immediately called an ambulance, and when the vehicle took them both away, he reached for his phone again to make, once again, a terrible call to their Foxes. But through his oxygen mask, Kevin reached out to grap his wrist and whispered, with difficulty, just Neil... just Andrew...

Because here’s the thing: Kevin loved his Foxes, and his Foxes loved him back. Immensely. 

He loved them so much he had married one, with another one of them as best man (Neil), another as his husband’s (Andrew), and yet another one as their celebrant (Renee). 

They loved him so much that it was only short of worship by a hair or two. And Kevin knew that. He loved Dan like a sister. And by extension, he loved Erik like a brother, too. And he loved all the Foxes’ children and grandchildren like his own, despite never being a parent himself. 

But Neil and Andrew... There were no words for what they were to him. He knew that he wouldn’t have to talk them through it. He knew they would be the only ones strong enough and close enough to hold Aaron up in case it all turned to shit the moment he passed the hospital doors. 

And being the History nerd he had always been, Kevin had written letters, a long time ago. To his Foxes. Most of them had left before him, and so he could never give them their letters, but Dan, and Erik for Nicky, could still have those letters. Kevin poured everything into these letters. It had taken him years, ever since Renee’s departure. He wrote, and threw away, and started again, until he got it right. Nine letters, for his nine Foxes. Andrew knew about it. He’d give Nicky’s and the upperclassmen’s to Dan and Erik, and they’d understand. Kevin didn’t want them to be there, at the very end of it all. He just wanted Aaron. And Neil. And Andrew.

Those three had letters waiting for them, too. Andrew would hand them over a month later. But he would never open his.

Andrew and Neil arrived just before 1 PM. Kevin was hooked on all sorts of IVs and still had the oxygen mask on. His heart monitor was beeping very, very slowly, erratically. He was still Kevin Day in all his gloriousness, but he was much more Kevin, their beloved Kevin.

On one side of the hospital bed, Aaron never let go of Kevin’s hand. On the other side, Kevin removed the mask and weakly motioned for Neil to take the other hand. But Neil was stunned. Frozen. So Andrew came up behind him, and held Kevin’s hand. 

It would be the first, and the last time.

Just as Neil finally sprung into action and went to put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, feeling his wiry muscles and his fragile bones underneath the hospital gown, Kevin closed his eyes. 

The heart monitor began flatlining.

Neil looked at the monitor, then to Kevin. He looked at Andrew, then back at Kevin, and then at Aaron. His eyes couldn’t stay focused on one thing. He was still hoping. He was still refusing.

Aaron lowered his head. Kissed Kevin’s hand.

Andrew held on tighter to Kevin’s other hand. Gripped the back of Neil’s neck.

Kevin took Death’s hand, which felt a lot like Aaron’s, and Andrew’s, and Renee’s, and walked away.

Aaron unplugged the monitor. And called it.

Time of death: 13:01.

It took exaclty one month, day for day, for Aaron to leave as well. They called it the Broken Heart Syndrome. On the surface, Aaron had held it together. But Andrew knew. He saw. That he was losing him as well. 

Some could say that, by handing over Kevin’s letter, Andrew killed his brother. But those who would say that didn’t even begin to understand the complexity of the bond between twin brothers. Especially not the Minyards. 

Because what Andrew really did, with that letter, was gifting Aaron with relief.

Peace. Quiet. 

Love. 

Aaron could exhale, now. He would see Kevin soon, now.

And so in the same room, in the same bed as his husband’s, Aaron Minyard forced Death’s hand and demanded to see Kevin again.

And then there were three.

Dan lived for so long that she started to fear outliving her children. She felt old, so old. In her head and in her heart. She did not believe in a God, but she often found herself praying to someone, anyone. She did not believe in angels and demons, but she often wondered how long they would keep her from Death.

So she waited. For the days to go and the nights to pass. She barely ate anymore. She barely moved. She was only feeling okay when she slept outside, in her chair in the backyard, the sun shinning on her beautiful face. She could sleep for hours there, surrounded by her lively garden. The wind swayed her skirts, the trees whispered in her ears. It was okay.

And at the same time, it wasn’t. 

She was tired. She was lonely. Even Erik, a couple of years ago, had gone to rejoin his husband. Neil visited her at least once a week, but he still had Andrew. He couldn’t understand, nor could he stay away from him for too long. He would miss him too much.

Every year she celebrated another birthday, and every year she blew her candles wishing they were her last.

And at last, her wish came true.

Dan was expecting one of her kids to come by in the afternoon. The Carolina sun was shinning quite hard on her, so she had placed her chair in way that let the sunlight hit the back of her head, turned away completely from her house. Her daughter knew exactly where to find her when she arrived, and so she didn’t wait for a response to her presence before making her way down into the garden. She had called her mother multiple times, and had assumed she was sleeping when she hadn’t answered.

Dan was not sleeping.

Dan Wilds had left this world, the sunlight pouring down on her like the radiant goddess that she was.

Being one of the last Foxes, it took a day before Neil and Andrew got the news of her death. They don’t get involved in the funeral preparations, but they show up. And that’s enough. 

People don’t really bother them anymore, so they can bid farewell to their Captain in relative peace. They come by Dan’s house aftwerwards, too, and help her kids out with everything. Yes, even Andrew. 

Dan’s death makes them reflect the most.

About the Foxes. About each of their departures. How they all lived a good and long life. How they all died a good and quiet death. 

They think about how they were always the ones nearing death, always fighting to stay alive. About how they died a million deaths before the age of 18.

They think about how they are the last ones standing, even after everything. 

They survived. They lived. 

(They loved)

Neil and Andrew should not have gotten this far. They should not have lived this long. They shouldn’t have. But somehow, somewhere above, someone has watched over them and made sure that they didn’t get the ending they should’ve had, but the ending they deserved.

Neil and Andrew don’t really want to die. They don’t really want to live on either. But they take every day that they are given, to be with each other, to mend their hearts still, to breathe. 

They take every breath they can.

They wonder who will leave first. Who will have to say goodbye and stay behind, who will have to wait. 

It’s a fear neither of them had ever thought they’d have. Not like that.

And it’s only a matter of time before they get their answer. They are, after all, getting very old. It is both a blessing and a curse.

After decades of partnership, Neil and Andrew still go to bed the same way they did when they were eighteen. Both facing each other, their hands joined in the middle, their nose a breath apart.

After decades of peace, Neil and Andrew still wake from sleep at the slightest abnormality.

Which is why the minute Neil Josten gives out his last breath, Andrew awakes.

Neil’s hand in his is still warm and his skin is still soft. His hair, although completely white for quite some years now, still have that bronze glow to them. They’re still curly, and soft to the touch. Andrew passes a hand through them before resting it on the back of Neil’s neck. 

He looks at Neil like it’s the first time, tries to memorize every detail of his beautiful face. He rubs circle in his skin, and takes in everything that was, that is Neil. His husband. His junkie. His rabbit. His pipedream. His lover. His love.

Andrew doesn’t move from their bed. 

When he has finally spoken everything that he feels to Neil, from the safety of his mind, Andrew moves closer to him so their foreheads touch and noses align. He takes Neil’s lifeless hand again, and kisses it. He sets their hands back down, between the two of them, and looks at Neil one last time.

And slowly, Andrew Minyard closes his eyes, forever.

[apocalypseornaw]

Keep Me From You

For the square "Temporary amnesia" on @girl-next-door-writes make me feel bingo

Warnings: mention of injury,cursing

Word Count: 10,201

Smidge of angst but lots of fluff

“Dean I’m fine. A few scratches but I’ll be home soon and you’re more than welcome to play nurse” You’d left a few days before to help Claire out on a hunt and had called him to say you were only about an hour out from Lebanon. “So you want me to wear the uniform and all?” he teased and heard you laugh. That was a sound that he’d always loved. “Of course I want the uniform, why would you even ask?” A smile slipped onto his face as hearing just how truly happy you sounded to be coming home to him. He’d never imagined getting this. Someone who really did love him and not only understood the life but lived it as well. “I’ll see you soon sweetheart” “Better be waiting for me at the door….” Your sentence was cut short by the sound of tires squealing then a hard hit. 

Dean knew a wreck when he heard one and his heart fell to his feet “Y/N!” when you didn’t reply he screamed your name again which brought Sam running into the room. “What’s wrong?” Dean was already on his feet grabbing the keys to the impala “Y/N’s been in a wreck. We gotta get to her”

By the time Dean and Sam rolled on scene a passerby had called 911. Multiple cop cars, a couple ambulances and even a fire truck had the night lit brightly. Dean barely stopped the car from rolling before he was jumping out. Your car was on it’s side, the driver door crumpled in. “Y/N!” before he could get close Sam grabbed him along with three of the firemen on scene “Sir! We already got her out! She’s in the ambulance!”

Dean looked to see the ambulance in question pulling away “Is she alive?” The firemen nodded solemnly “She’s in critical condition but she’s alive”  Sam pulled him back towards the impala “C’mon we’ll beat them to the hospital. We know her Dean she’s strong” Sam nodded to the firemen that he had Dean so they headed to finish cleaning up the scene. Dean looked at your car once more before following Sam “If the other driver isn’t in bad shape..I’ll kill em”

------

Sam took the lead to speak with the doctors because by the time they got to the hospital he didn’t really trust Dean to not throw a punch. “Mr Evanson..your sister in law is in critical condition as you were told at the scene. She was hit by a drunk driver that ran a red light. She’s got multiple contusions, a fractured skull and a dislocated shoulder” the fake names had you as Dean’s wife should something like this happen and Eileen as Sam’s. Helped to have insurance and provided a cover story so all of you could get updates on each other should injuries ever occur severe enough to warrant a hospital trip.

Before Sam could open his mouth to ask any questions further about your condition Dean spoke up “Let me guess the bastard that hit her is just fine right?” Sam couldn’t really blame Dean. You were one of his best friends and knowing you made it out of a hunt just fine to turn around and get hurt this severely by an idiot who drank too much and chose to get behind the wheel was more than upsetting. “Mr Evanson I know you’re upset but I assure you we’re doing everything for your wife we can” Sam could tell Dean was doing what he did best which was to lean into anger more than any other emotion so before he could fire off threats to a doctor or worse Sam grabbed his arm then looked back at the doctor “When can we see her?” “As soon as she’s settled into the room I’ll send a nurse out to get both of you”

The moment the doctor stepped away Dean spun around and hit the wall hard enough his fist left a hole in the plaster. “She was talking to me Sam. What if I distracted her? What if she would’ve seen him sooner if she hadn’t been on the phone?” “Dean, don't do that to yourself. This isn’t your fault” It shocked Sam more than anything to see Dean wasn’t trying to hide the tears in his eyes when he faced him “I can’t lose her Sammy” “You won’t. I’m gonna call Eileen and Jody to let them know. She’ll be ok. Let the doctors do what they can then if need be we’ll find other means to help her. She’s strong, she’s a fighter and honestly I think it would take a lot more than a wreck to keep her from your side” “Let’s hope you’re right”

------

A little over an hour passed with Sam and Dean pacing across the waiting room. The other inhabitants of it and staff alike were giving both men a wide berth, Dean even moreso. The air around him was thick with the mixture of anger at you being in this shape and fear at the possibility of losing you.

When a nurse finally walked in and asked “Mr Evanson and brother?” Dean snatched his head up “Over here” she smiled warmly at him “Your wife is out of surgery and stable. Would you and your brother like to see her?” “Please” Dean managed trying to remember it wasn’t this woman’s fault you were hurt.

------

The walk to your room felt longer than anything Dean had even endured. When he walked in to see your still form he could feel his hands ball into fists. You were the single most important person on the face of the earth to him besides Sam. Your head was bandaged, your left shoulder was in a sling and both arms had gauze nearly covering every surface. “When’s she gonna wake up?” Sam asked knowing Dean needed an answer but also knowing his brother wouldn’t be very good at communicating at the moment. 

“That’s a tricky question. It’s really up to her. She’s in stable condition, there’s no bleeding on her brain. Now it’s just up to her body” “Thank you. Can we stay with her a while?” “You both can stay an hour but only one can stay overnight” “Thank you” the nurse walked away and Sam turned back to see Dean was motionless at the foot of your bed.

“Dean?” Sam called jarring him out of his thoughts. “She’s a hunter. I’ve seen her hurt and I’ve known that there was always a possibility of something happening to one of us but she was fine, she was headed home and laughing” Dean had walked up next to your bed and left his fingers barely brush against the leather bracelet tied around your wrist. It was a gris-gris gifted to you by a witch in New Orleans three years before, just a couple months before you and Dean had gotten together actually. 

You’d helped her out and it was supposed to protect you from evil. You hadn’t taken it off since citing that it was a lucky charm too considering you hadn’t gotten seriously injured on a hunt in quite a while. Turned out it only worked on supernatural beings not human actions.  “She’s gonna be ok Dean” Sam repeated as Dean gently took your hand in both of his and sat down in the chair next to the bed before looking up at his little brother “How can you be so sure?” “I’ve seen her fight and I’ve seen how much she loves you. She’s not leaving us like this”

------

The two of them stayed like that for the next hour barely talking, simply watching you breathe. When the hour passed Sam headed back to the bunker while Dean stayed rooted in the chair holding your hand. “Remember when we first met? God I thought you hated me because of my dad..he had a habit of turning people into enemies. I’ve never seen Bobby laugh as hard as talking about the time you backed dad down on a hunt by calling him a washed out jarhead that didn’t know a vampire from a rugaru. Baby you’ve survived so much..you’re stronger than anyone I know” he didn’t even realize he was crying before the droplet hit your hand.

“Please come back to me. I don’t want to do this without you. I love you” he nearly whispered the last part willing you to hear him and open your eyes. 

------

For three days Dean sat at your side. Sam would bring food and clothes. Eileen had of course headed back to Lebanon when she heard what happened and Jody along with all the girls had been in near constant contact. You had so many people behind you but the horrifying reality was it didn’t matter how much backup you had this time. This fight was a solo one.

The nurses and doctors assured him that you were healing. Your body was simply mending itself and keeping you asleep to save energy to do so. He didn’t care about anything they said he needed you awake to see for himself that you were ok.

It was during visitor hours so Eileen was sitting across the room flipping through a magazine while Sam had gone after coffee. The hardest thing for any of them was simply being forced to sit around and wait to see if you’d wake up on your own. Of course Rowena was digging around to see about some spells to help speed up healing but those were a bit fragile and out of her usual wheelhouse which was to cause damage to someone instead of healing them.

“Dean they were out of sugar so I had to put artificial sweetener in yours” Sam spoke from the doorway as he walked into the room. Dean shrugged “I don’t care” Sam shared a look with Eileen when he handed her coffee over. She signed “I’m worried about him” so Sam nodded and mouthed “Me too” before walking over to hold Dean’s coffee out to him. 

Dean took it then looked back at the bed “Why isn’t she awake yet Sammy?” “Head injuries take a little more to heal Dean” Sam offered but knew it was of little solace. All of them wanted nothing more than for you to wake up. Sam walked back over to stand next to Eileen but a movement of your hand had all of them on their feet and next to the bed “Y/N?” Dean spoke first and when you opened your eyes they all shared a sigh of relief “Thank god baby” Dean breathed moving to press a kiss to your lips but you snatched your head away “Dean, what the hell?” 

------

Your head felt like it’d been run over by a truck. You felt like you were drunk and there wasn’t a body part that didn’t hurt.  When you finally forced your eyes open you realized you were in a hospital room. Sam, Dean and Eileen was next to your bed meaning you must have gotten hurt on a hunt but you couldn’t remember how.

“Thank god baby” baby? Did Dean just call you baby? Before you could ask he leaned forward as if to kiss you so you snatched your head away not missing the look on his face as you said “Dean, what the hell?” 

“Y/N? What's the last thing you remember?” Eileen asked stepping closer to the bed while Dean backed away obviously hurt but you weren’t sure why he’d called you baby or tried to kiss you. You were friends yeah but he’d never acted like he had those feelings for you. You realized your head hurt even worse when you tried to think of why he would be hurt but a memory finally came to you of you and Eileen working a shifter case in Austin. “The shifter?” you asked hesitantly and saw her eyes widened.

“Eileen? What’s wrong?” you asked grimacing when you tried to sit up further only to realize your left arm was in a sling. Sam moved to help you and you noticed Dean looking rather lost standing off to the side of the room. She looked over at him sympathetically before finally saying “Y/N that case was over three years ago”

------

 Three years? You’d lost three years worth of memories. Dean had slipped out the room after alerting the Doctor Rhodes you were awake and once Eileen assured Sam she’d stay at your side he went after his brother. You were only half listening to the doctors as they gave a run down of the wreck you’d been in and the injuries you’d received. “Well if you’re saying my brain is fine why the hell do I have a three year gap in my memory?” you knew you were being a bit blunt but given the circumstances you felt it was warranted.

“Mrs Evanson this is common in an injury like yours” the nurse nearest you spoke so you cut your eyes at Eileen silently questioning the name they’d called you. She smiled and touched Doctor Rhodes on the shoulder. When he turned to look at her she motioned to you “Can I have a few moments alone with her before you take her for tests?” he looked back at you then nodded. After he and the nurses finally exited your room giving a warning that transport would be there in twenty to take you down for a cat scan Eileen came over and sat gently on the side of your bed facing you “Ask” You looked around the room eyes settling on Dean’s jacket that he’d left draped over the back of one of the chairs “What have I missed?” she followed your line of sight over her shoulder then smiled sadly before looking back at you “The shifter case was only a month before you and Dean got together” “We’ve been together three years?” you asked making sure you were facing her fully as you spoke. “Yeah. For the insurance he’s listed as your husband and Sam’s listed as mine since me and him have been together two and a half years” 

You felt tears sting your eyes as the realization of why Dean had looked so hurt when you pulled away from him hit you at once “Why don’t I remember? God he must hate me” She covered your right hand with hers lacing your fingers together and the familiarity of that small action bought a smile to your face as she leaned down to look you in the eye before saying “Believe me when I say there is nothing on earth you could do to make that man hate you sweetie. Now I’ll be here when they get you back from the tests but I’m gonna go find him and Sam in the meantime ok?” you nodded not trusting your voice at the moment so she kissed your forehead then nodded to the nurse that had just just stepped into the door before walking out.

------

Eileen found Sam and Dean outside in the parking lot. They were leaned against the side of the impala staring at the entrance of the hospital. When they saw her they both pushed off the car Sam getting to her side first while Dean was a little slower to approach “How is she?” Sam asked and Eileen shrugged “She found out she’s missing three years. How would you be?” Then her eyes drifted over to Dean “She’s afraid you’re gonna hate her because she doesn’t remember being with you” “I could never hate her especially for something that’s not her fault” he quickly replied and she nodded “That’s what I told her but I think you need to be in the room too when she gets back from having her scans done” 

------

You were in short terrified. The scans showed that your skull was healing quite well actually and as far as structural wise your brain was in good shape and according to Doctor Rhodes your memory loss was more than likely temporary. The bad news? In cases like yours those memories could return in a matter of weeks or a matter of years. There was no way to estimate the amount of time it would take from one person to the next.

“When can I go home?” you asked adding in your head the fact that you weren’t exactly sure where home was these days. “In a couple days at this rate and I’d say within two to four weeks you can return to normal life” There was a knock on the door and one of the nurses peeked her head in “Her husband, brother in law and sister in law want to come in” Doctor Rhodes looked back at you so you nodded with a small smile “Do you remind going back over what you’ve told me?”

“Of course” he nodded to the nurse so she stepped back out and a moment later Eileen walked in trailed by Sam then finally Dean “Mr Evanson your wife asked me to go over the findings from her test with the three of you” you barely met Dean’s eyes while he listened to Doctor Rhodes despite the fact that his gaze never left your face. When the doctor mentioned you’d be going home in a couple days if you stayed healing at this rate Dean shared a look with Eileen that you didn’t miss before the three of them thanked the doctor then he excused himself.

“So turns out I was right Dean, you do have the harder head” you tried to tease but heard your voice fall flat at the end. You wanted nothing more to remember the last three years of your life. The three people standing in front of you meant the most to you yet you could only remember so much and apparently now shared your life with one of them but couldn’t so much as remember ever sharing a kiss with him. 

“Y/N..Eileen told me what you said” Dean spoke, stepping closer to the bed. He tapped the bed close to your leg but didn’t touch you “Sweetheart there’s nothing that could make me hate you. I was on the phone with you when the wreck happened. I’ve never been more afraid in my life and just seeing you awake? That’s a win for me” “I want to remember if that helps any Dean.I wish I did because it seems we’re happy” “I’d like to think we are” he replied with a small smile. You moved your leg closer to his hand so he took the hint to gently touch you near your ankle.

“While we’re all here talking..can someone tell me where is home for me?” you asked embarrassed over not being able to remember such a small detail “Um you live at the bunker” Sam answered cutting his eyes at Dean who nodded “You’ve been living there for about two years full time” “Oh then I guess we’re really serious then huh?” your voice was low enough you weren’t exactly sure Dean had heard you until he said “Yeah” meeting your eyes for a second before clearing his throat “Um visitation is over in an hour. I was gonna stay but if that’s weird for you I’m sure Eileen or Sam would” 

“Of course” they both spoke over each other then shared a small smile. Your heart ached seeing the look on Dean’s face at the two of them so in sync while you didn’t remember him. “Maybe Eileen could stay? She can help fill in some blanks since I remember hunting with her last?” you offered and Dean nodded “Of course sweet..Y/N” you noticed how he stopped himself from calling you sweetheart. Christ you’d been friends with Dean for so long. He was the best man you’d ever known but you also knew he had the self worth of a grape and you could only imagine what this was doing to him. “Thank you Dean” you whispered and he smiled slightly “Of course”

------

Dean didn’t really talk much before him and Sam left for the night but he did ask if you wanted him to bring you a change of clothes since the nurse said you could shower with assistance the next morning. “Please” you told him and with a sharp nod he was out of the room. Sam left a quick kiss on Eileen’s lips then one on your forehead before quickly following after him.

You watched the door where they’d disappeared for several seconds before Eileen touched your arm gently and you jumped which pulled a small smile to her face “Are you ok?” she asked so you nodded then turned your head to look at her fully “I was in love with him wasn’t I?” she slowly nodded. You let out a breath then leaned your head back against the pillows before asking “How did that shifter case turn out anyways?” she laughed then went into the story talking and signing what had happened trying to catch you up to speed without overwhelming you.

------

Sam found Dean sitting in the library at one of the long tables around three in the morning. There was a bottle of bourbon in front of him and a glass with a piece of ice watering down what of the brown liquid was in it. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asked, pulling the chair out across from Dean after grabbing himself a glass. Dean cut his eyes up at him “Would you be able to if it was Eileen?” “No” Sam wasn’t even going to attempt to lie, Dean knew him too well. “I don’t want to put any stress on her because she doesn’t remember” 

“You’re not. She knows now that you’re not mad that she doesn’t remember. Give Eileen a little time to ease her into the last few years besides Doctor Rhodes said her memory could be fully back within a couple weeks” “Or a couple years” Dean interrupted which earned him a glare from Sam “If you’ve ever had faith in anything..have faith in Y/N” “What if this is nature’s way of a course correction? She deserves better than me and maybe this is the universe trying to say that” 

Sam reached over and pulled the glass out of Dean’s grip then moved the bottle for good measure before saying “The only thing this says is that assholes shouldn’t drink and drive. She’s coming home in a couple days Dean and the familiar setting may help her memory..Rowena is getting there with the spells especially now that she knows to tweak it to memory wise. We’re gonna get her memory back Dean..we will”  “I hope you’re right Sam, I really do”

------

Today was a big step in the right direction. You were finally checking out the hospital to head home. Eileen had mentioned Cas would be at the bunker when you got there so that meant at least for your physical wounds you could get healed, who knows maybe angel mojo would effect your memory as well? Not likely but it didn’t hurt to hope did it?

When the nurse knocked on the door she smiled to see you were tying your sneakers onto your feet. Eileen had stayed in the room with you while Dean went to pull the impala around to the exit you’d be coming out of. “Must I ride in the wheelchair? I mean I think I’m capable of walking” you asked and she grimaced “Sorry Mrs Evanson it’s hospital policy” Eileen winked at you then teased “Besides you get to ride in style out” riding in style was the collection of get well soon items that had found their way to your room from your friends. The one you liked the best was the little stuffed wolves that Garth and Bess had sent by Donna. The nurses didn’t quite understand the significance of them but you’d seen even a small smile work it’s way onto Dean’s face. Over the next few days though it was only supposed to be the four of you at the bunker well plus Cas. You weren’t being anti-social but you could also only bare so much guilt at a time from not remembering certain things.

Eileen bumped your arm and when you glanced her way she signed “Stop it” “You don’t read minds” you replied and she winked “No but you I can read” you sighed and climbed into the wheelchair while Eileen grabbed the bag carrying your presents. Sam was back at the bunker apparently switching your belongings to a different room. Eileen had let it slip that he offered to do it so Dean wouldn’t have to.

“Take me away” you told the nurse who smiled “I can say you have remained in good spirits the entire time you’ve been here and that bodes quite well for your recovery” you shrugged your good shoulder as she pushed you out the door “I can wallow or deal. I always work better by gritting my teeth and doing what I gotta do regardless”

------

The sun was bright in the sky when you finally were wheeled out of the exit. When Dean saw the three of you he quickly came around to open the passenger door and moved to help you but stopped just sigh of touching you then looked at your face for the ok. When you reached for his hand his whole body seemed to relax slightly “Mrs Evanson you have a follow up for a scan in three weeks but if any new symptoms occur such as headaches, blurry vision, dizziness feel free to come in before and if any pain outside the expected occurs feel free to come back in” 

“She will” Dean and Eileen answered in unison so you shot the nurse a smile “I have a lot of people looking after me. I’ll be fine”

After you were in the passenger seat the nurse waved then headed back inside. Eileen climbed in the backseat behind you and reached up to pat your shoulder reassuringly while Dean walked around to climb in the driver’s seat. “Ready to go?” he asked and you nodded “Let’s get home”

------

You vaguely remembered the internal set up of the bunker. You’d been there a time or two and even stayed the night once but as far as knowing it as well as you should considering how long you’d apparently been calling the bat cave home? You were far from it.

Eileen headed down the stairs first followed by Dean then you walking slowly down. Everything in the map room was pretty much how you remembered it including the angel sitting at the table talking to Sam who smiled when he saw the three of you “Y/N” you pulled him into a hug as best as you could “You’re a sight for sore eyes there Cas” he ducked his head and started to explain “I couldn’t exactly come to the hospital to heal you” “I understand Cas. Just saying it’s good to see you” he nodded then looked to your left arm “Can I?” “Please” you replied with an excited smile.

Cas had healed you before but it was always a bit surreal. He laid his hand palm down on your forehead and you felt the warmth spread throughout your body. You closed your eyes and felt your shoulder stitch itself back and the tender spot in your head from the fractured skull fade to a dull ache then disappeared all together.

When you opened your eyes everyone in the room was staring at you expectantly. You tried to force memories of being with Dean into your mind but they refused to come. You shook your head sadly “Healed me physically” “I’m sorry Y/N. Memory is something different than physical injuries” Cas apologized but you shook your head “No Cas. Thank you. Since the physical part is no longer an issue I can start trying to concentrate on my memory”

You didn’t miss the disappointed look in Dean’s eyes and apparently neither did Eileen because she touched your arm “Y/N why don’t I show you your room?” you smiled appreciatively at her “Sounds good. Cas are you staying?” he shook his head “No I’ve got to get back” you hugged him again “In that case be careful out there and thank you again” 

------

You heard the three guys talking while you let Eileen direct you down the hall and tried to block it out. One worry at a time. She pointed to one door “That’s mine and Sam’s room” then pointed to the next door “This one is empty” the door a little further down the hall she pointed to “Um this is Dean’s room” you swallowed hard at the unadded words which were “Until a few days ago this was your room as well” and followed her down to the room right to Dean’s “This one is yours”

You walked in behind her and looked around the room. You recognized the weapons laid about as your own. That was definitely your jacket tossed across the chair in the corner. A black blanket with red swirls was folded on the foot of the bed. When you touched it she smiled “That’s your blanket you usually want. Dean’s been using it but he got me to wash it and fold it for you” you nodded feeling very much overwhelmed “Um Eileen is it ok if I say I want to be alone?” she nodded “Of course. I’ll be in the library with the boys, your phone is on the charger so if you need me cause you know hollering for me won’t work” you managed a small laugh at that and signed “Thank you” since you know had use of both hands again.

She walked out and shut the door gently behind her. You sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. There was a since of familiarity tugging at you being in the bunker but you weren’t sure if it was true or just the fact of your own desire to remember. After a while you started feeling tired so you laid down across the bed pulling your blanket over you. A small nap wouldn’t hurt then maybe you could wander around a bit after everyone else went to bed.

------

You weren’t sure how long you’d been asleep when you heard a small knock at your door. You sat up smoothing a hand over your head “Yeah?” then kicked yourself when you realized it could be Eileen but the door opened before you could cross over to it and it was Sam standing in your doorway instead “Dean and Eileen ran into town to grab some food and a few other things we needed. I had to convince them both I would check on you” you smiled at that then stepped back so he could come into the room.

He sat down on the chair that your jacket was draped across so you sat down on the foot of the bed right across from him “How is he?” you asked and Sam raised an eyebrow “How are you?”

You sighed “Apparently I am in a stable relationship and can’t remember past being friends. At least Cas could get the wounds on the outside healed?” he nodded then glanced around before rubbing at the back of his neck “He’s ok” “Sam” you warned so he half smiled “He’s blaming himself of course. You were on the phone with him when the wreck happened” “Christ could it get any worse?” you groaned and Sam leaned up to gently touch your leg “Yeah. You could’ve died. We can deal with this. I know we can” you nodded and laid your hand on top of his “Thanks Sam” he smiled “So do you want to check out the rest of the bunker while it’s just the two of us or go back to sleep?”

“Can I sneek a peek in Dean’s room?” he shrugged “Hell why not?” You followed him out into the hall and stopped him right as he put his hand on the door leading into Dean’s room “Are you sure I should?” He nodded “Yeah. It may help” you took a breath and followed him in. The room didn’t look that much different then the one they had moved your things into at first then on second glance the differences popped out to you.

There was your shotgun on the wall underneath Dean’s. A photo of you, him, Eileen and Sam was on the nightstand. A few albums that were clearly your taste in music was next to his radio and there were two sets of headphones instead of one. You walked over slowly and picked up the photo. The boys were sitting on Jody’s couch and from the looks of it had pulled you and Eileen down into their lap probably seconds before the photo was snapped considering you and her were both laughing. “It was the day Alex got into nursing school” Sam explained coming to stand next to you looking over your shoulder at the photo. 

“We all look so happy” you whispered running your fingertips across Dean’s face. “You’ll get your memory back just give it time” he replied and you sighed then sat the photo down “I know. Let’s check out the rest of the bunker so maybe I can have my nerve enough to face Dean by the time they get back”

------

You had made your way into the library by the time Dean and Eileen came back from town. The few times you could remember coming here you’d been impressed by the extensive collection of lore this place held. You trailed your fingers along the spines of the books reading different titles. “I think you’ve read most of the books in here at least once” you heard from behind you and turned to see Dean leaned against the doorway watching you with a small smile on his face.

You sighed and said “Hopefully I’ll actually remember reading them sooner rather than later...well and other things too” the last part you added in a whisper but you saw the way his expression changed “Y/N I don’t care how long it takes I’m not going anywhere. You may not remember the last few years right now but I do, I know this is worth fighting for” “So you don’t blame yourself then?” you asked crossing your arms over your chest and saw the barest hint of a grin pulling at his lips again “Ok that look is too familiar and I’m guessing by you asking me that you’ve talked to Sam while we were gone?”

You nodded “Dean they said a drunk driver hit me. It wasn’t your fault hell if I hadn’t been on the phone with you it could've been a lot before all of you knew what had happened to me.” He nodded slowly “Not like you have always had a habit of kicking my ass if I’m too hard on myself” that made you laugh lightly “Ok that I do remember and yes someone needs to!” 

He nodded back towards the kitchen “We got some food. Eileen tried to remember what your favorite was but couldn’t quite remember so we got a few different things” You smiled “I’m sure I’ll like whatever I’ve never really been picky” the two of you stood there after that staring at each other for a few heartbeats before you heard Sam call yours and Dean’s names “Guessing that’s our cue to come eat?” “Guessing so” 

------

You sat next to Eileen at the table turned halfway towards her so if you said anything she wouldn’t have to turn to read your lips. Sam was sitting across from her and Dean was across from you. You always loved california rolls but now you were simply pushing them around in the little tray. “Not hungry?” Sam asked motioning to your plate. You shrugged “Guess not. Want them?” Eileen reached over before Sam could move “I’ll take them” you laughed at the look on Sam’s face “Snooze ya lose Winchester”

You glanced over at Dean’s plate to see the burger in front of him was barely touched as well “Dean you’re not gonna eat?” he shrugged “Not that hungry” you sighed and drank the last little bit of your lemonade then stood up “I think I’m gonna grab a shower and call it an early night” “If you need anything” Eileen started and you nodded then signed “I know”  Dean glanced up so you smiled “Night Dean” “Night Y/N” “Night Sam” you called over your shoulder before you walked out the kitchen and heard him say “Night” as you stepped into the hall.

------

Everything felt wrong. The bed felt wrong, your clothes felt wrong. There was a gaping hole craving the memories of the last three years and there was nothing you could do. You tossed and turned most of the night until finally calling it.

You dug around and found a thicker pair of socks so you pulled them onto your feet then grabbed the black and red blanket to wrap around your shoulders before stepping out into the hallway. You weren’t sure what part of the bunker you were headed to but you hoped maybe to clear the confusion in your head. The library called to you so you let your feet carry you in that direction.

You walked aimlessly around the rows of books letting your fingers graze some of them. God there was everything from classic literature that book collectors around the world would sell their souls for all the way to books describing just how bad of an idea that would be and why. You ended up not picking a book and instead just pulled out one of the chairs at the table and sat down.

You smiled when you saw Sam and Dean’s initials carved into the tabletop. It matched where they’d carved their names in the impala back when they were kids. You traced Dean’s initials and seriously considered waking him up to talk but decided against it. Just like you needed time to adjust you were quite certain he needed some time too. One moment he’d been with a woman for three years the next that woman didn’t even have a memory of a shared kiss.

You sighed and pushed away from the table. You had seen a laptop in your room hopefully it wasn’t password protected,maybe you could watch a movie or something.

Within a week and a half of being released from the hospital you were going absolutely stir crazy and what was even worse you knew everyone was sitting out of cases to be there with you.

You walked out of your room after grabbing a shower and headed towards the kitchen. Sam and Eileen were normally up before Dean you’d learned so you were hoping it was just the two of them again. When you walked around the corner you nearly froze in your tracks to see Dean pouring a cup of coffee. He cut his eyes up and almost smiled when he saw you then motioned with the coffee in his hand “Want a cup?” You mentally kicked yourself as a reminder to speak and forced a small smile onto your face “Please” 

He nodded and turned to grab another cup. You stood there not missing the looks Sam and Eileen were sharing while Dean poured the coffee and held the cup out to you. You took it from him letting your fingers barely touch his hand “Thanks Dean” “Sugar’s on the counter and creamer’s in the fridge” he replied with a tight smile then walked over to sit next to Sam.

You couldn’t help but over the conversation between the three of them which consisted of the fact that Donna apparently needed help and that Garth had asked Sam if him and Dean could check in on some strange occurrences. “Why don’t you all go?” you asked turning to face the three of them and repeating yourself in asl for Eileen. “We don’t want to leave you alone” you nodded slowly then said “I have a cell phone. Sam just gave me a new one all set up yesterday. Not to mention I’m in literally one of the safest places on earth. I think I can manage for a day or two. Seriously I feel horrible that I’m keeping all three of you cooped up, go I’ll be fine”

The three of them knew you well enough to know that if you had your mind set on something you were far too stubborn to let it go that easily. Sam and Eileen shared a few hushed words followed by Sam and Dean having a whispering match before Dean finally sighed loudly “Fine! I’ll meet you outside in twenty”

You watched him walk out then glanced at Sam questioningly “What was that about?” “He still doesn’t feel comfortable leaving you but he agreed to go check out Garth’s lead” Eileen looked up from her phone with a grin “I texted Donna that I’ll come help her and she said to tell you and I quote can’t wait till Y/N is back in action. I miss her face” you laughed lightly and said “Well be careful and tell Donna I miss her face too”

------

Sam and Eileen left to go grab what they needed so you wandered back towards your room but stopped when you saw Dean’s bedroom door was open. You knocked lightly on it and half a second later he stepped around it and stopped in his tracks when he realized it was in fact you and not Sam or Eileen. “Y/N..something wrong?” you shook your head “No I was just wondering if maybe I could talk to you just for a second?” 

He stepped to the side and waved a hand into the room “Of course” you walked in and sat in one of the chairs at the small table in his room so he sat across from you. You took a deep breath before saying “Dean..if my memory doesn’t come back” “It will” he cut you off and you couldn’t help but smile at just how certain he sounded “Please let me talk” “Sorry go ahead”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand. He stared down at your intertwined fingers as you started to speak again “If my memory doesn’t come back and you want to move on there’s no hard feelings” his eyes flew up to yours “Sweetheart I knew you’d hit your head hard but damn I didn’t realize it’d done you that bad” “What?” you asked with a shocked laugh. 

He slowly raised your joined hands up to his mouth before just barely letting his lips brush across your knuckles “Y/N listen to me good here darling....I love you more than I ever dreamt possible. A future for me? Naw I never really thought about it before you but since the moment you first told me you love me I feel like maybe one day I can actually be the man worthy of you. I’m never walking away from you. If it takes two months or twenty years, I’ll still be right here” you had tears in your eyes by the time he’d finished talking “Christ no wonder I’m in love with you. Who would’ve thought Dean Winchester is a romantic at heart” he chuckled before saying “Only for you sweetheart..only for you” 

You pulled your hand from his and saw his face fall slightly before you said “Come home in one piece?” “Nothing could keep me from you” he replied and you had a sense of almost dejavu as if that was something that was said a lot between the two of you but you didn’t want to ask and get his hopes up just for dejavu. 

“Dean..you ready to go?” Sam called from the hall but stopped when he saw the two of you sitting across from each other “Or we can wait. A few minutes wont hurt” you held Dean’s eyes as you said “No Sam, you two need to get going. I’m gonna go see Eileen off” you stood to walk out but stopped to pat Sam’s shoulder “I expect you both back here just the way you’re leaving”

“Bye Dean” “Bye Y/N” you smiled at Sam then headed to tell Eileen your usual parting and wish her a safe hunt.

------

Everyone was due back to the bunker within a few hours so you were currently folding laundry in your room. Things were starting to hold a sense of familiarity to them but you weren’t certain if it was true or if you were simply wanting to remember so badly you were tricking your own brain into saying it remembered when it truly didn’t.

You’d started texting with Jody, Alex and Claire. You felt horrible that you didn’t remember Claire’s girlfriend Kaia or the newest addition to the wayward daughters as you called them Patience but the girls were more than understanding and were wading in little by little to catch you up on any and all memories involving them. 

Your phone chimed from where it sat next to the bed so you walked over to pick it up and saw a text from Sam which read “We’re two hours away and Eileen is an hour out” you smiled knowing everyone was safe and texted back “Make it back in one piece and then I’ll be happy” then sat the phone down and returned to putting your laundry away.

You pulled out one drawer and stopped. Your socks and undergarments were in it but you had a flash of t-shirts being in the top drawer. Must have simply been mistaken. You finished up then headed into the library where you’d been scrolling through news websites to catch up.

------

You must have been invested in the article you were currently reading because when Eileen tapped on your shoulder you jumped. When you looked up she said “You’re a hunter and I scared you!” “You didn’t make any noise! Besides my guard is down in here” she shook her head but laughed “Nice to see you in a good mood” you motioned around “It’s starting to feel like a sense of being at home here” you knew you could confide in her without it reaching Dean and possibly getting his hopes up for nothing.

Her smile grew as she pulled out the chair next to you and sat down “That’s really good news” you and her sat there talking for the next while and were still talking when you heard the bunker door open so you signed “Our boys are home” she smiled and glanced over her shoulder about the time Sam and Dean walked down the stairs but both of your faces fell when you saw the cuts and scratches littering both of their faces.

She was on her feet to Sam’s side and without hesitation you were at Dean’s side before you could even think about it. “What the hell happened?” you asked gently touching the deepest cut that ran right across Dean’s left cheek “Couple witches hexed a couple vamps. Made them a little harder to kill. No big deal sweetheart” he replied flinching slightly as you turned his head to look at the different cuts and you shook your head then glanced at Eileen “You got your idiot cause I’m gonna go patch this one up and call Cas to see when he came come through the heal them” she nodded so you grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him behind you out of the library and down the hall to his bedroom.

------

Dean sat on the side of his bed while you fussed over the cuts on his face and neck. “Did you kill the witches? Because if not I’m gonna find them and shove their damn broomsticks up their asses” you finished cleaning the cuts and stopped when you realized he was staring at you

“What?” he shook his head letting just the barest hint of a smile play on his lips “I love when you’re all fiery” when you dipped your head just enough that hair fell in front of your face he knew that was one of your tells that you’d gotten embarrassed so he reached up to push the hair back gently and felt his heart flip when you actually leaned into his touch “I love everything about you Y/N. I don’t mean to embarrass you or make you feel weird about it since you can’t remember but you patching me up and fussing about me being hurt? It feels normal or normal for us anyways” you covered his hand with your own and smiled “I want us back Dean”

“We’ll get there sweetheart. Rowena said a few more days and a few more continents she should have her hands on everything she needs” you nodded then pulled away from him slowly “I need to put this first aid kit up” he watched you move around and wanted to say something that would make you feel better but really didn’t have an idea as to what to say.

You stopped at the doorway and glanced back at him “Is it weird if I ask you to take me for a ride in the impala?” he shook his head “Not at all. When do you want to go?” your smile pulled one to his own face “Let me grab my jacket” you glanced at his dresser for a second then added “Are your t-shirts in the top drawer?” he looked between you and the dresser then nodded slowly “Yeah..why?” “No reason” you replied then went in search of your jacket and to return the first aid kit to the kitchen.

------

You weren’t sure where Dean was headed but sitting next to him watching him drive felt so natural. You’d known him for years but it was like your heart was remembering even when your brain was refusing to. “Want to pull over or just keep driving? It’s a quarter moon but it’s pretty bright out if you want to park and talk?” he suggested and you nodded “Please”

You watched as he found a pull off and drove back to an open field. When he killed the engine he cut his eyes at you “You coming?” you smiled and climbed out behind him. He walked to the front of the car then sat on the hood leaned back against the windshield so you sat next to him making sure your boots were hanging off the side to not scratch the paint. Thousands of stars were dotted across the sky and although the moon was only a quarter it was bright. You could hear a few crickets far off and a slight breeze was in the air not enough to make it cold but enough to make your jacket comfortable.

You cut your eyes at him twice before he said “You can lean your head over on me Y/N. I won’t bite” “What if I asked you to?” you joked but had another sense of dejavu hit you. He pulled you over onto his chest leaning further back while you got comfortable “You know you said that to me the first night we slept together” he spoke after a moment.

It was the first time he’d actually talked about your relationship. You knew it was because he didn’t want to push your memory. You had your head laying against his chest and could hear his heart beating steadily under you. “Who kissed who first?” you asked and his answering laugh vibrated through your entire body “Believe it or not you kissed me first” you turned to look at him and he shrugged so you asked “Tell me?” 

He nodded and leaned his head back to stare at the night sky “We were fresh off a possession case. Me and Sam had been working it and you rolled through nearby. Eileen was with the twins working a case so you offered to help us. After it was all said and done Sam headed back to the hotel but me and you decided to grab a beer” you hadn’t realized just how much you were hanging onto his every word until he grinned “You’re staring there Y/N” “Oh hush. You’re telling me about our first kiss I get to stare” 

“Fair enough” he replied with a nod then continued “Anyways. We got to the bar, grabbed our drinks and then headed to a corner table. We were talking about the job, the life we live. You were the most beautiful woman in the place and you were sitting there in jeans and one of my flannels since your shirt had gotten torn during the fight and you had a scratch right across the top of your collarbone that flashed when you moved just the right way. I’d been trying to figure out a way to ask you if you’d ever consider being with another hunter for weeks by that point. You got up to grab us another round and I admit I watched your ass while you walked to the bar but you hadn’t even gotten the beer yet when some drunk asshole decided to grab your ass”

“How did that go over?” you asked pretty much already knowing the answer. Dean tilted his head with a hint of a smirk “I may have broken his jaw in a few different places. Luckily the bartender saw everything so she snuck us over the bar and out the back about the time the police were coming in the front. We hightailed it out of there and headed back to the hotel. I walked you to your door even though you were right next to us. You told me you could’ve handled it and at first I thought you were pissed at me for stepping in but then you added that you thought it was the sexiest thing you’d ever seen. You kissed me then asked if I wanted to grab coffee the next morning before we all headed our different directions”

The happiness in Dean’s eyes as he spoke about the two of you made your heart ache. You loved him, that much you were sure of even if you couldn’t remember the details as to why. “Was it just me for you from there on?” you asked and when he looked at you god your heart skipped more than a few beats at the emotion those green eyes held “No one else would’ve stood a chance” you leaned closer to him and just barely let your lips brush against his in a tentative kiss. When he didn’t push you away you deepened it moving closer to him. He groaned into the kiss when your hands slid across his chest coming up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

One of his hands came to grip your thigh closest to him and he gave it a tug pulling you on top of him never breaking the kiss. You straddled his waist breaking from his lips to kiss down his neck. The grip on your hips tightened when you kissed on top of his pulse point “Y/N...sweetheart..baby stop” you froze the moment he said stop and looked at him in confusion “What’s wrong?” he swallowed hard before saying “Don’t get me wrong because fuck I’ve missed kissing you but we can’t do this. Not until you get more of your memory back. The moment you do I promise to keep you in bed for days but for now we can’t”

You nodded and left another quick kiss on his lips before sliding off of him and the hood of the car. He stood up after you and wrapped both arms around you “I love you Y/N” you nodded leaning back against him “I know Dean” the two of you stood there in silence for the longest just enjoying being close to each other until you shivered. “Let’s get back” he said so you nodded with a sigh “Will you watch a movie or something with me when we get back?” he nodded and kissed your cheek “Of course”

You paced across the floor glancing towards the table in the center of the room every now and then. The redhead working over the large silver bowl stopped in the middle of a movement “Y/N..dear I have grown quite fond of you actually but if you don’t stop that incessant pacing I will lock you out until I need you” 

You held your hands up defensively “Sorry Rowena. I guess I’m just nervous” “Understandably but just take a breath” you nodded and sat down at the table across the room. She smiled then went back to her work. You looked up when the door opened and gave a small smile to Eileen “The boys are on their way back” “It’ll be done before they get here” Rowena said not looking up so you repeated it to Eileen who questioned why your eyes got wider.

Eileen sat down next to you and drew you into a conversation about a few hunt years back and that managed to keep your attention until Rowena cleared her throat. The both of you looked up so she waved you over “It’s time” Eileen walked next to you so you gave her hand a small squeeze before stepping over to the table “Give me your hand” Rowena spoke so you held your hand out palm up. She picked up a silver dagger and slid it across your skin. You watched as your blood dripped onto the mixture in the bowl and it glowed a deep silver.

Rowena spoke the incantation of which you only caught half the words because while some was latin the rest was a language you didn’t recognize. After a moment the silver turned to a shimmering black. Rowena dipped a red wine glass into the bowl and held it out “Drink it all” you looked at the liquid and swallowed hard. You’d drank worse before. You looked at Eileen who nodded so you toasted her and Rowena “Here’s to our health ladies” then tipped the entire glass back in one go. “How do you feel?” Eileen asked and you started to say you felt fine then the world took on a fuzzy haze and you felt yourself falling right before your vision went black.

------

“Y/N..wake up..sweetheart” you could hear Dean’s voice and forced your eyes open. “She’s awake” he breathed in relief. You were laying on a makeshift pallet in the armory. “Told you I know what I’m doing” Rowena chastised then crouched down into your view. “Y/N..how do you feel dear?” you looked at Dean before answering Rowena “I feel amazing. I remember everything” you could hear Eileen and Sam both thanking Rowena but your eyes were glued to Dean who whispered “I love you Y/N” you pulled him down into a kiss before whispering “I love you too Dean. Nothing could keep me from you either”

Tagging @girl-next-door-writes for the bingo challenge and @akshi8278 cause it's Dean

[missymurphy1985]

Nobody's Perfect (part8)

Warnings - injury / surgery / smut

Also - I have zero medical training so if I've got something wrong, please let me know!!

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers

You arrived at the hospital with Cillian's parents and a nurse ushered you into a private room. Sitting the three of you down, she took a deep breath, making you nervous.

"He had a seizure around an hour ago. He's been taken down for surgery again, we'll know more afterwards. It looks like a ruptured spleen, it could have been a stray fragment of glass or the sheer blunt force of the stabbing, we can't tell just yet. It's a significant bleed into his abdominal cavity, Mrs Murphy we need to perform a blood transfusion." His mum started to cry, his Dad holding her. You just felt sick.

"How long before he's out of surgery? Will he be okay?" You asked, shakily.

"We don't know yet. Once he's out of surgery we'll know more, but for now.. it could go either way. I'm so sorry..." You took the nurses hand and squeezed it, thanking her. You could see her welling up a little too.

It had been hours. How many, you didn't know but the sun was up before you knew any more. You were waiting in the hallway on the phone to your mum when the double doors behind you opened. You saw the trolley being pushed through, with nurses either side, and a body covered in wires and tubes. You choked when you saw his Peaky haircut under it all.

"Mum he's back from surgery.. I'll call you later okay? Love you.."

You desperately wanted to follow him into the room but you held back, instead going into where his mum and dad were waiting. It was then, you burst into tears. His Dad stood and wrapped his arms round you.

"Stop trying to be strong in front of us y/n..."

"This is all my fault... All of it..." His dad squeezed you tight and shook his head.

"I'll hear no more of that, understood?" He was stern, but still gentle with it. The doctor came into the room.

"He's okay for now. We've sedated him to allow his body to recover. His spleen ruptured and bled out into his abdominal cavity. Luckily we've managed to stop the bleeding and save his spleen. He's had a significant blood loss, so we've given him a transfusion. He'll be out of it for a few hours, but you're welcome to come see him." The three of you walked through the doors into his room and his mum was beside herself.

She took his hand, careful of the cannula, and held it. His dad squeezed his eldest son's shoulder. You stood at the foot of the bed, watching the love of your life lie still, wires in him, a mask over his face, machines beeping everywhere, a massive bandage around his middle.

"I'll call his sisters and brother.. let them know what happened?" You asked his mum, before his dad turned to you and shook his head. You felt useless, you needed to be doing something.

"No, I'll call them. You stay here with him. Talk to him - he can hear you."

"How do you know?"

"He's squeezed my hand a couple of times. He knows we're here. Just too tired to wake up yet."

He left the room to make the calls, and you took his hand, kissing his head lightly. His dad was right, he squeezed your hand a little.

"Hey you... You trying to scare me away again? No chance Murphy, I'm not going anywhere." Another gentle squeeze.

You knew he wouldn't wake up for a while, but you were happy to wait, just talking to him. Even the Peaky cast had sent video messages so you could play them to him.

You were dozing in the chair, exhausted from no sleep for what felt like days, when he woke up.

"Y/n...." You'd never woken up so quickly. Instantly you were by his side and you pressed the button for a nurse.

"Right here, I'm right here. It's okay.."

"Did I get hit by a truck?" He smiled. The nurse came in and removed the mask from his face. Checking over everything as you stood back. Once she'd finished, you took your phone out to call his parents. They'd headed home to feed the dogs and get some sleep. Hanging up, you kissed his lips gently.

"Stop trying to scare me away Murphy..."

"I'm getting out of here and you and I are going away. Somewhere just us, yeah?" You nodded, unable to form words. Your tears slipping down your cheeks as he brushed them away with his hand, his own eyes watering a little.

*************************************************************

He was in hospital for a week recovering, then another week at his mum's being fussed over and interviewed by police about the stabbing. You were now at his holiday home in Kerry, a full month after Silé's wedding, relaxing on the patio in the warm July sunshine. You'd arrived a week earlier, and had no plans to leave any time soon. Your family had even sent get well cards and gifts through the post for him, even though they hadn't even met him yet.

You got off the phone to Orla as Cillian came outside. Still limping a little but getting stronger every day. The sea air definitely helping.

"Liane's been charged. Attempted murder, Cill."

"She came very fucking close y/n."

You watched him sit in the lounger next to you and he took your hand in his, interlocking your fingers and leaning back.

"The press are going wild. They've found out everything - Liane having Mark's baby, the stabbing, and us. They're desperate for a statement, my agent keeps calling me."

"They can wait. I'm alive, that's all they need to know. The rest of it isn't important. Come here.." he pulled you to sit across his legs. You hesitated before you sat down but he nodded and you relaxed a little. You could feel his erection under your shorts and he pulled you closer to kiss him.

"How long has it been?"

"Long enough... You sure you're okay?"

"Shut up y/l/n and ride me..." You didn't need any further encouragement, and your shorts were off followed by his, discarded on the floor next to you. His hard cock, already leaking, sprung up against his stomach, the scar across it already healing well.

"No one can see us out here, right?" You asked, suddenly remembering your neighbours.

"I don't care if they can.." you lifted your body over his and sunk down on him easily - you'd been aching for him for a month, hesitant to initiate anything in case you hurt him, but he'd clearly been aching for you too, his hands on your hips moving you up and down his shaft.

"Fuck... I missed this...." He groaned, finding your lips with his before you leaned back and rocked against him slowly.

He found your clit with his thumb and rubbed circles over it, making you squirm against him and grind quicker. This wasn't going to last long, both of you knew it, he needed you to come and quickly. He brought your hand down to rub yourself as his hands rested on your waist again, rocking you faster against him. He wanted desperately to pound up into you but the discomfort in his stomach stopped him, allowing you to take the lead.

"I'm close..." You whimpered, a powerful orgasm building in your stomach, before throwing your head back and panting his name as you came over him.

"I'm gonna come... Y/n...." His release quickly followed, hot streams of cum flowing into you in bursts, leaking out onto his thighs. You rested your head on his, both catching your breath.

"When did you stop taking the pill?" He asked.

"Two weeks ago..."

"That did it, I've got a good feeling."

"Quite possibly Mr Murphy..."

"You sure you want this? It's not too soon?"

"I think we've gone well past the 'too soon' part of our relationship, don't you think?" You laughed.

"Very true. You're going to look incredible with my baby inside you..." His hands found your belly and he rubbed it gently, making your heart flutter.

"Love you..."

"Love you more."

********************************************************

Six months later

"I'm sorry, Mr Murphy, the chances of you conceiving naturally are extremely low." The doctors words cut him like a knife. His head fell back and he unclasped your hand to run it over his face. You both knew there was a potential problem - after all, he'd be been trying for a baby with Liane for years without any success, so there was always the possibility he would struggle with you too. He didn't want to wait a year to find out, so he'd paid for a private sperm count test.

"We do have a few options here though," the doctor spoke again. Cillian looked to you, you nodded in return.

"Cill, it's okay. We prepared for this, didn't we?" You took his hand again and looked back at the doctor.

"We have IVF, as many rounds as you need. I have leaflets on how it'll all work right here." Cillian took the leaflets and shook the doctors hand, before walking out of the room. You apologised and thanked the doctor before chasing Cillian down the hall.

"Stop, for god's sake!" You shouted, making him pause and turn to you.

"It's one thing thinking there's a problem y/n, it's something else entirely to have it confirmed..." He leaned against the wall and looked at the IVF leaflets. "What if it doesn't work?"

"We have to at least try, don't we?" You took his face in your hands and pulled him in to kiss him. "We'll make a father out of you yet, Cillian Murphy."

[thatwaywardwolf]

Well, it's been quite a while, hasn't it? 2022 is trickling to an end soon, thankfully, and a lot has happened.

First, I'm still here. I haven't gone anywhere and I'm surprised that I'm still getting foot traffic here. It's sparse, but it's there. So, for all the new comers, welcome. For all the old timers, thank you for still sticking around. I haven't posted much at all this year and I'm not sure when I'll make it a thing to post regularly again in spite of my earlier comments that I'd put in a bigger effort.

This year has been monumentally rough and because of that, I've taken a big gap with my practice and I can't really remember the last time I've engaged much with it. I actually made my first offering in what I think has been a few months just half an hour ago. It feels nice, especially with the rain. It's something I would like to do more often, but having a new cat has made it hard since she's taken a serious liking to the altar and we have to keep her from climbing on it - which has been stressful on my end.

I'm doing my best to get by, which I guess is all that matters and I know this is something that we as a community talk about a fair amount when it comes to spiritual burnout and the importance of making your needs a priority. The Gods aren't going anywhere anytime soon, so take time to focus on your own healing - they understand.

I feel like with where I'm at, I feel my relationship with the Gods has matured enough to a point where we can exchange glances from across the room and it be enough. The whole "Hey, I see you and we're good" thing, which feels more natural with Thor to me than anything else. I'm listening to a general devotional playlist I made again for the first time in months and it feels nostalgic in a way, like the warmth of a nice cup of coffee and a knit sweater. It's also a bit strange because songs that remind me of them (especially Thor) has been spread out more.

I mentioned it months ago with how sometimes, I'll look at a certain friend and somehow, I think about the gods; like how her mischievousness is the delight of Loki, her passion for art and music would make Odin and Bragi proud, her protective and loyal golden retriever energy is so much like what I've found in Thor, how fiercely badass she is and loves others (including her own healing) feels like Freyja, her love of life and compassion with death feels like the presence of Hel, and so on. That whole thing.

So now, if I hear a certain song that I connected to Thor over, I'm also reminded of her and how important she is to me. It's indescribable to be able to have that level of a connection to someone or something, and how it feels like overtime it's just aged like a great wine - and it's going to continue doing that. I hope that, if I'm able to, I can bridge those old connections again with the gift giving cycle and do more to get out in nature. I haven't gone on a long walk in a while and getting lost in the woods by our creek sounds nice now.

All that aside, this year has been full of change and stress: some of it good, some of it bad. It's been a tedious and intense process with doing all kinds of processing and recovery, and I don't think I'd be where I am now without her and my good friends to help me keep my head above the water. I'm still struggling, but they've been so patient, kind, and affirming with me - even if things like paranoia tell me they aren't, and they've said they notice an improvement in me that I'm learning more and getting better. It's basically been a lot with trauma recovery, getting diagnosed with PTSD, (likely) fibro, and I should be getting a call back this week regarding getting tested for ADHD.

Yeah, 2022 has been a lot. It's had so good though, quite a bit, actually. I've worked on more art this year alone than I have any other, I've made so many friends and built up a found family, I, of course have a new cat, and I'm hoping to have my top surgery consultation next year after struggling with coverage and paperwork problems for two years.

But, I'll leave things at that for now. I hope that everyone stays safe the rest of the year and if things haven't been going well, that the next two months treat you well. For those that celebrate it, have a great and safe Halloween, Día de los Muertos, and Samhain with those you love - even if they've departed. Just in case I don't get to say it in December, have a meaningful winter / summer solstice wherever you are. May 2023 treat you kinder than this year has.

Until next time,

Adam.

[all-that-tmnt-jazz]

How would the Bayverse boys react to a s/o who cares for an elderly family member? I’ve been doing hospice for my grandmother after her broken hip and a back surgery— I was wondering how the boys would handle it

This is cute- I hope your grandmother heals soon.

Warnings: None.

Incarnation: Bayverse.

Extra Info: Gender-neutral reader.

Leo:

You’ve been taking care of your grandmother for about a month

You were the one taking care of her while she was going through hospice, and no one offered help

None of your family cared about how much sleep you lost or how much money you spent hiring a nurse during the day to take care of her while you were at work

When he found out, he was absolutely shocked that you were still able to make time to spend with him

When he found out, he swore to make himself your third priority

You were your first, then your grandmother

(he just wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself)

He started coming to you more often

He was making your meals, making sure you get sleep

You eventually let him start taking care of your grandmother at night

Unfortunately, she was so out of it that she couldn’t tell the difference between you and him, despite obvious differences

But one night, you were taking care of her

Leo was in your bedroom, barely awake as he hears you on the phone in the other room

He leaves your room and sees you in the kitchen

It’s nearly three in the morning, and he’s concerned about why you’re still awake

He hears the tail-end of your conversation

“Yeah, that’s the address. When should I expect a nurse to pronounce her…? Okay. Yeah, you too. Thanks.”

You put down your phone and lean against the counter, head in your hands

He sees your shoulders start to shake

“Y/n… She…”

You nod slowly

You had been with her when she passed

Leo opened his arms to you

You leaned into him and his arms were soon around you protectively

“I’m right here, Y/n… You’re so strong.”

That night, you and he mourned alone

But that was okay

Raph:

You and Raph have been dating for nearly two years

As of recently, he was quick to notice that you weren’t going to your apartment as much anymore

You were going to a building in Harlem and would spend days at a time there

His jealousy couldn’t help but grow

So, he confronted you at the Harlem apartment

He entered through what he assumed to be a bedroom window

He was right, but it was empty

He crept around, looking for you

And then he heard your voice in the other room

And he heard another voice respond

It was small and weak, and a woman’s

“Hi, Gigi. I’m sorry I’m late- I was getting some snacks.”

“Oh, dear. You didn’t have to.”

“It’s your favorite, though,” you smile

You handed her a small package containing two cannolis

Then you got a text

As your great-grandma started enjoying her cannolis, you opened the text

It was Raph telling you that he was in one of the bedrooms

You politely excused yourself and hurriedly started looking through the two bedrooms

You found Raphael pacing in the guest bedroom

“What are you doing here?” you asked him, voice rushed but quiet. “How did you find me?”

“I followed you. I… I didn’t know… You…”

Realization hit you

“You thought I was cheating?” you asked sadly

He nodded, unable to look you in the eye

You reached up and touched his jaw, making him look at you

“This is my great-grandma’s apartment, and she doesn’t have much family left. Well, she does, but they never visit or call. I started staying with her a few nights a week.”

He nodded

He felt awful for assuming

“I would never do that to you.”

He kissed your forehead

“If there’s anything you need me to do to help, please tell me,” he said, his lips still against your forehead

You smile

Donnie:

You and Donnie had been dating for three years, and it was about two weeks before he realized something was up

He could read you like a book

He saw you were stressed, and immediately saw other signs of you overworking yourself

And that you were exhausted

Not much needed to be said, but he took a break from his own gadgets for once to take care of you

He would make sure you ate

He would make you a large mug of tea on days he knew you hadn’t slept

He would physically put you on your bed and under your covers so you could sleep

It took a month of this before he finally asked you about this

You groaned and put your head in your hands

“My uncle just got his leg amputated due to a misdiagnosis. I’ve moved him in with me so I can take care of him. He’s bed-bound for now, in the guest room.”

That was not the answer he was expecting

It took him a moment to gather his bearings before you spoke again

“I’m also figuring out how to sue the hospital and the doctor responsible for his misdiagnosis so he can get back the money he spent on the wrong medication and visits, which is proving much harder than I thought…”

You moved your hands away from your face and looked at him

He offered one of his hands, and you took it

“You need to sleep. I’ll have this figured out by the morning, okay?”

“Don-”

“I’ve got this, Y/n. You should’ve told me. We could’ve had this done ages ago.”

With that, he basically dragged you to your bedroom and laid you down

You were asleep nearly immediately

He chuckled and kissed your forehead

Mikey: (A/N: I know this doesn’t fit the prompt but I still found it cute)

You had always felt like you were trapped in a bubble

Your entire family was- you and your parents

It was none of your faults, though

When he was a newborn, your dad had gotten diagnosed with Severe Combined Immunodeficiency (SCID)

Your grandfather on your mom’s side was your dad’s nurse, hence them meeting

You had a chance of getting diagnosed with it since your dad has it

You didn’t have it

But you still had to act as if you had it

You had to always go through decontamination and then bathe whenever you come home

The few times you left, that is

Honestly, you hate it

You felt like you were parenting your parents

Especially when they would scour over you like a vulture over a fresh kill

So you started going to the rooftop

You were sure your parents knew, but they didn’t say anything

So, every night, you sat on the rooftop for several hours

But then, one night, you misplaced your foot

And you fell

And you were caught

You were placed gently on the ground

When you looked up is when you saw him

He genuinely thought you were going to run off

But you didn’t

You looked around, and you saw the others

You looked back at him, though

His eyes brought the most comfort

“Um… Thanks.”

He smiled weakly

“No problem.”

That was nearly four years ago now, and you’ve been dating Mikey for two of them

And honestly?

You’ve loved every minute

[spookypotato]

Maybe a fic where after Sirius’ ankle is broken initially ( like the first couple of hours after) they think he won’t be able to play again because the doctors thought it was worse than it was and the team are told to prepare for the worst and we get to see their reactions :(

Sorry lol I’m just OBSESSED with your writing, I get so giddy reading them bc they are so so perfect

Thank you so, so much! It means a lot someone enjoys my writing that much. And please dont apologise for giving me good ideas to write and compliments that make my day!💛

Okay, I don't know if this is what you wanted. But I hope you like it anyway! Sorry I took longer than last time. I haven't forgotten about any prompts, I just had a bit of a block.

Characters, again, by the wonderfully talented @lumosinlove! Thank you!💜

The lights were too bright. But Sirius tired to open his eyes anyway. James was sitting next to him. How the hell had he gotten into his house?! Then memories came back, cracking of bones, emergency sirens, a stadium erupting in booing noises.

He was in the hospital. His foot hurt a lot less than he expected, but it was also in a splint at the moment.

As soon as James noticed, that Sirius was awake -or at least had his eyes semi open- he hugged him rather aggressively.

"Mate, idiot, I thought you were dying!", James voice was muffled by the pillows.

"I did tell him, that you would 100% survive, though.", Remus interrupted Sirius thought process.

Not really being able to say anything yet, he just took in the scene he was presented with.

The cubs, off to the far left of his room, had probably just stopped playing a game with Olli. The cards were all over the table and Sirius couldnt even try to guess what they had been playing. But they were all facing him now.

Next to them Kasey sat a bit further away, but clearly in a position were he could look into Logans and Finns cards and observe the game.

In the middle of the room stood Kuny, Nado, Dumo, Thomas and pretty much their whole team. They barely fit into the room.

To the left stood Arthur and Moody, both relieved at him being awake. They had probably been discussing something about the season.

Right on his bed sat James. Still hugging him. Sirius wouldn't put it past him, to just stay like that for the next few days. Lily was sitting next to his bed on the right, reading her magazine. She was clearly not surprised about James' behaviour.

And then there was Remus. Probably sitting the closest to him after, off course James. Right to his left. There was no magazine or playing cards or even his smartphone anywhere close to him. He might have just arrived. Although he did look a bit too tired for that. Remus looked relieved, but also somehow pained.  Sirius didnt know if it was, because of his ankle or because of something else.

His thoughts were interrupted by James, again. "Sirius, are you with us?"

Now the whole room was staring at him.

"Ouais, je suis réveillé.", it came out as a raspy sound. "Can I-", he coughed. "Can I have some water, please?"

James got his water not even a split second after, from his bedside table. He almost spilt the contents over the hospital sheets.

After he drank the entire cup in one go, he put it back next to his bed. He only realised now that there were flowers and chocolate there.

Chocolate- how ironic. No one in a hockey team would ever gift another hockey player chocolate. It wasnt on their meal plan. How long would he be gone, if he was allowed to eat chocolate?! He would be able to play again, right? Panic went through his entire body.

That moment a doctor came in. Everybody looked at her expectantly.

"Mr. Black", she started, "you broke your ankle, and you were in surgery, a few hours ago. I'm glad to see you have already woken up. That's a good sign. I have to inform you however that there were complications with the surgery, so you'll probably not be allowed to leave for at least the next week. Also-"

"I'm sorry, doctor, but that wont be possible.", Sirius interrupted her. "We have a very important game this weekend, and not only do I need to play, but I need to practice. I can stay no longer than today."

I would have been funny, that Sirius Black tried to debate with a Doctor about his body's state, but in this situation the doctors expression seemed to morph into a sad one.

"I wasnt suggesting it, Mr. Black. You will stay here, for at least a week. After that, we'll check on your state and if we decide to let you go home, you'll have to rest for at least 10 weeks to let the bone fully heal"

"But-", Sirius tried to say, but was cut of by the doctor again.

It was like a child complaining about not being allowed to have a certain toy.

"Once your bone has fully healed, you'll need to learn how to properly walk on it again."

"And afterwards I can start practice again?", Sirius sounded like he at least tried to accept his fate. He wouldn't be able to play the whole season.

"I dont think that will be what's happening. I'm sorry to inform you, but at the moment, it doesn't look like your ankle would handle the pressure of being on the ice in a professional state again."

"Does that mean he can never play again?", James asked, his voice sounded a bit shot.

It was only then that Sirius realised again, that he wasnt alone in the room.

"As it is now, no. I'm sorry. It could potentially change, but it is highly unlikely", the doctor told them. Even she didnt seem as neutral now as when she appeared. But then again, all of gryffindor loved their lions. She was probably almost as devastated as any other person in gryffindor.

"Thank you", was the only thing Sirius could choke out. This was all to much information at once.

As the doctor wanted to leave, James got up.

"Cant you bloody do something?! Anything? Please? We need him. Anything?"

The doctor just repeated herself. "I'm sorry, but as of now, the only thing we can do is wait how Sirius body reacts to the injury." With that she left the room, Arthur and Moody following her.

James sat down again. And hugged Sirius tightly and awkwardly, because he was still lying on the hospital bed. "Please tell me if you need anything, Pads.", he whispered.

The rest of the room hadnt said a word until now. Sirius was thankful for it. But they were all staring at him. Waiting for some kind of reaction.

"Guys, I'm fine.", Sirius lied. "How did the snakes game end? I want every detail."

He didnt listen. But he was pretty sure someone explained.

So many emotions were running through his mind.

He was furious. At Snape for hitting him. At the world for making it happen to him. At the doctors for not doing more. At himself for blaming everything else except himself.

He was sad. This was it. His career was over. He would maybe sit on the bench during games, if the team would even let him. He probably wasnt even part of the team anymore. He would be able to come to the first few games. And then fewer and fewer. Until the crowd had forgotten him. Until the team had forgotten him. Until he was just an ex-hockey player, sat in this massive house, alone and unwanted, all over again.

"Sirius.", a gentle voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Sirius, are you listening?" It was Remus', his hand now on Sirius' arm. As he looked down Loops pulled it away.

"Yeah, no, a bit, sorry." Sirius replied, " I was a bit lost in thought." As the rest of the team almost gave him a another sad look, he added "Just thinking about your new training plans and how exhausted you will all be. Next time you need to show the damn snakes not to mess with lions." This was one of the first times he wished, he could be exhausted with them.

The team didn't laugh. Logan moved his chair closer to Sirius bed.

"Next time we'll win. For you."

"Wow, if I would have known it just needed at hit, to get you more ambitious, I would have been down months ago.", Sirius joked. It wasnt funny. He didn't even laugh himself, although he tried. It came out as a short, bitter one.

The team was staring at him again. It was horrible. He didnt want their pity. He wanted to get back on the ice, now. But he couldn't. He would never be able to skate again. In his life. It was over. Everything was over.

[anitacoknow]

I'm feeling my emotions pretty hard today (June 14th, 2021), so it might be a good idea to start writing.

Trigger Warning:

This text post mentions suicide, death, abortion, and could be an uneasy read.

About two months ago, I almost died during a routine abortion. The way that sounds, my stomach turns and it makes the tears fall like a monsoon. Nothing about getting an abortion is easy, it is humiliating and it's a huge personal hurdle to deal with - my heart goes out to any woman who has been in that tough position. That being said, I'm not writing this for sympathy nor am I looking for negative comments or death threats, I put myself through that enough already with my own mental.

Starting this attempt to release my emotions is difficult because I'm not even sure what to say to myself. I guess I am also hopeful someone will have the right words through experience or just in general because I'm struggling to find the words within myself.

To begin, I can't have children anymore and that is the worst part; I made a decision that took future decisions, future generations, future plans away from me. So, to anyone who wanted to go in on me at the sight of the word abortion: fate ironically beat you to the punch.

I made a decision that my heart wasn't wholly in and it almost cost me my life and it cost my daughter's life (I don't need scientific fact proving she was just a clump of cells and hadn't begun processing pain or emotion or whatever, doesn't change shit as far as empathy goes, so please shove it).

Her birth name was to be Juniper.

To give some insight, Washington State allows abortions up to 28 weeks. For those who aren't aware of pregnancy cycles/trimesters, 28 weeks is still half way through the pregnancy and the beginning of the second trimester. The fetus during this stage has become more human like and all that science stuff. I had my abortion at 21 weeks, in a clinic and the process shouldn't have gone the way it did.

On the second day of my procedure, I was put under anesthesia and when I woke up I wasn't all there. Before this, I had never experienced being put under anesthesia to my recollection, so what I thought I was feeling was normal. It wasn't until I realized I had been losing conciousness that things started to feel unnatural. I was laid on the floor of the "recovery room" and I started to regain conciousness fast. There was a lot of blood between my legs and mentioning it to them seemed to make the blood pool more. It wasn't long after that the doctor that performed the procedure squated next to me to tell me she needed to put me back under.

For the next bit, I apologize to the squeamish.

There was another woman in the room with me who had just come out of her own anesthesia, she was ironically a CNA, who started to show signs of worry when I wasn't making the anticipated recovery. The doctor had her removed from the room and leaned back in to tell me that they couldn't locate the fetal head and a few limbs. When they attempted to have me walk back to the room, I fainted and was placed back on the floor. The nurses wheeled me into the surgical room and helped me back on to the table, to which I protested them allowing me to see my ride. I'm hesitant to mention the father in this because it is sensitive, so I apologize for how he is mentioned in further comments. It wasn't until I saw him that things started to blur and I started losing conciousness again.

I feel it is also important to explain what I felt, which was extremely cold. My nipples were harder than they had ever been and despite the numerous blankets, warmed and otherwise, that were placed on me, my body didn't feel warmth until the EMTs carted me to the ambulance and the sun touched me; and again when I was placed on the surgical table at the hospital. Mentally, I don't think I was aware of anything bad happening to my body. Even after hearing they lost the fetal head, I don't think I ever reacted. If I had to say, I was mentally blissful - which isn't something I have ever experienced. I literally couldn't care less, everything was a joke (which is also part of my personality when dealing with assumed stressful situations) to me up until I arrived at the ER and they put me under before telling me that they might have to remove my whole uterus. My last words would have been: "oh, this table is so warm!" to the doctor who saved my life. When I woke up 24 hours later, there was a tube in my throat and I was tied to the bed (which Hollywood doesn't show in movies or T.V. so when you are experiencing it, it is really scary and it fucking hurts.) in ICU.

So, what the fuck happened?

Well, my uterus at the time of the abortion was about 2 pounds heavy and 2 feet long; Juniper was about the size of a sweet potato to give you an image. During the abortion, the doctor perforated my uterus, the length of the tear was about a foot long according to my surgeon/aftercare doctor. The abortion itself was supposedly no more than 10 minutes, but I was apparently under for roughly an hour. My ride expected me out in two hours, but after speaking to him, started to worry when I hadn't responded to texts and the elapsed time came to four hours. During the removal of the fetus, after perforation had occurred, I laid there internally bleeding for several hours. The human body can hold minimum 5 litres of blood (or to give you an physical idea, a gallon [US] of milk about) depending on the size of the body and health. A human can die from losing 2 litres of blood, but I survived after losing 4 litres internally, which is probably what saved my life. I vaguely remember being lifted on to the gurney and I vaguely remember the ride to the ER. I was given 7 units of blood, my uterus was stitched in 8 layers and the fetal head had nestled itself behind my kidney, so I had an emergency cesarean, plus a JP drain placed to remove all the blood that pooled in my abdomen.

The hospital experience itself is a different story and makes the whole ordeal just as sad. The only solace I had were two nurses that really didn't judge me, outside of that, everyone there had an opinion and wore it on their face and in their treatment. My last interaction with one of the doctors who helped performed my "miraculous" surgery and was probably the most surprising bit because it included a little racism. My partner is white and he is cisgender. Before his appearance, said doctor largely made fun of my pain tolerance when removing surgical tape from my incision area and inner thighs. If you haven't had a cesarean or don't know exactly what it is, after making the initial incision, the doctors have to literally tear the muscles apart to get to your uterus. In my case, I also had to have my intestines removed to get to my kidneys. Needless to say, my midsection was very sensitive outside of my low pain threshold. During the stint, he very angrily asked me if I wanted to remove the bandage myself while showing his frustration in his whole body and face. At that point, I just said fuck it and let him tear the bandage from my body with a little skin along with it. After a quick look, he stood up and asked if I cared if he left to deliver a baby and he didn't wait for a response, I assume because my face probably said exactly what he wanted. I sat there and cried until my partner got there and when he showed face again, his bedside manner gave me whiplash. He released us after I made a large fuss about my care and I left holding back tears until we were out of sight of the hospital.

The day before I almost died, I sat with the owner of the clinic who also doubles as a nurse there, and cried to her about my fear and the little consolation I had because she was kind. I have had two previous abortions during a previous marriage that I also didn't want to have, but being in an abusive relationship, you give and take a lot, that included. I confided in her that those two experiences, both at Planned Parenthood, were riddled in racist bedside manner and left me uneasy about abortions and clinics in general. Being a woman of color herself, she cried with me and assured me that things would be fine, in fact the woman doing my abortion would also be a woman of color. She called me two days later, I could hear her sadness, but it also left me in such a state of panic that I ended the conversation without saying much.

Women of color do not have great mortality rates when it comes to medical intervention, especially during pregnancies/child birth. However, uterus perforation during an abortion only occurs at a rate of .3%, so I'm part of a medical anomaly (it isn't an anomaly at all, she just fucked up). Beyond that, women of color, specifically black women are more likely to suffer from medical racism during aftercare. One of the biggest glaring problems being that black women are percieved to have a high pain threshold, something a lot of people lack.

Since this experience, which is missing a lot of detail, I've gone in an out of depressive mania. Which, to say the least, I can handle because I've dealt with it for years. What I can't handle are commercials, or even cherub faces in person, or the fact that my step-sister announced her pregnancy to our parents on mother's day. I can't handle the notifications of memories from my pictures that spotlight some of the photos I took during my pregnancy. I can't handle that my neighbors had just moved in and had just given birth right before being released from the hospital. Movie montages about children growing up making lumps swell in my throat. For the first few weeks I would wake up screaming, or crying, or begging whoever not to take my baby from me. I tried to cope with sex that I couldn't realistically have because I was healing. I took up smoking cigarettes again because it is the only thing I could physically feel relax my incision area. My daughter, who is 9 years old, asks me how I'm doing when I don't realize I'm zoned out and crying.

Overall, I wish they would have let me die. It isn't like I haven't tried to kill myself before and I always secretly hoped I'd find a way to just go peacefully. Of all my attempts at suicide, the most serious was drinking bleach and all I got from that was minor chemical burn in my esophagus.

Sitting there during my last follow up, knowing damn well I wasn't going to get good news, I asked the doctor who saved my uterus and life if I could safely get pregnant. I was told by another I could have a child, but it would most likely be harrowing because my uterus wouldn't be able to house a full term fetus and they would most like be born premature. There was also another possibility she kept from me, which my doctor with a penchant for being very frank said: "would end up taking my uterus or almost killing me."

Word for word: if I get pregnant, my uterus would rupture at the healed incision.

And what, what am I supposed to think or feel now that my worst fear finally materialized? I'm realistically mad at myself for materializing my greatest fear. I also hate myself for being so upset at something I caused because I know others are in my situation for reasons beyond their control.

I thought writing this would make me feel better, would make it so I wouldn't have to mentally relive it, but I just feel worse. My partner lost his job because he took a leave of absence to take care of me and that's to say nothing of him taking time off at the beginning of the year because he needed brain surgery. The job I had interviewed for earlier in the week kept my position open, but on returning to work found I couldn't keep my anxiety to a minimum and eventually asked for leave of absence. So now, we are struggling financially and I blame myself for that too, which I know I shouldn't.

I can't begin to explain how unsure and confused I feel every day. Some times I find myself pacing or walking around and I don't even know what I'm doing. Hearing or seeing emergency vehicles makes me panic. I've had to force myself to look down during driving because I'm so fucking scared.

Idk, I'm sorry to whoever is reading this. I just needed to vent.

[everythingpuddle]

Deleted Scene

So this was cut from the assault on Red Fountain and chronologically would be between Chapters 40 and 41.

Also please note, this contains graphic depictions of a makeshift abdominal surgery. It is gory. There is extreme body horror. Please curate your internet experience appropriately.

After helping the Red Fountain nurses prepare the infirmary, there wasn’t much for the girls to do but wait nervously. The infirmary had been set out with all the beds available and Flora was anxiously fiddling with the empty potion bottles waiting to be filled from the cauldron next to her, across the room Mirta was rearranging the bandages for the umpteeth time. Neither of them were looking at Lucy and the other witches huddled by the far end playing with a deck of cards. Flora had tried to greet them all when they’d come in but she’d been ignored by everyone but Lucy, who’d shot her a dirty look. So she’d just kept to herself by the infirmary windows.

The small infirmary was not built to handle this type of situation. It was kitted out to handle sparring injuries and dragon burns, not taking in the wounded from a battle. Flora stopped her eyes from wandering towards the wide windows next to her that overlooked the concentric rings of Red Fountain. The infirmary was high up in the centre building, close to Saladin’s rooms, and the view of what was happening below was uninterrupted.

“It’ll be okay,” Mirta said, coming to stand next to her. “You heard Codatorta, we’re not expecting many casualties. We’ll mostly just be bored while they fight.”

Flora nodded silently, letting Mirta put her arms around her waist. She doubted that what Mirta had said would come true; no matter the opinions of the Red Fountain staff the Army of Decay was not so easily fought and defeated. As soon as they’d been told what the witches had summoned Flora had researched what they were with Tecna as they waited. They were a myth that her grandmother had used to scare her into behaving, and she had wanted to know how bad they really were.

What she had found had proved that for once her grandma hadn’t been pessimistically exaggerating. How they were going to stop the advance of a magical army was beyond her. She closed her eyes for a moment and went to pace around the infirmary so that she wasn’t stuck in the same place for too long. The witches shot her glares whenever she got too close but she ignored them.

After only a few more minutes of peace, the door burst open and a group of first years started carrying boys in. Flora followed the nurses’ orders as she got to work, her hands shaking. Her patient’s wounds were bloody, but thankfully not that serious. She administered painkillers and got work sewing him up. Her gloved hands were stained red by the time she finished and gave him some antibiotics.

She looked up when she was done only to find that the infirmary was swamped. There were more Specialists in here at that moment than they’d been expecting in the whole battle. Whatever Codatorta had planned, it had gone wrong. The nurse tapped her shoulder and Flora found herself sending the injured boy back to his dormitory so that they could have the bed for someone else.

Her next patient was bleeding heavily. More than the first. Everywhere Flora looked there was blood, and it wouldn’t stop.

She shouldn’t be doing this. She hadn’t been trained to do this. But both the nurses were working on other, more severely injured patients. There was no one else to do this.

This time she had to use her magic on him; the wound was on his thigh and it had nicked a major artery. Flora pushed her magic through his body as quickly as she could, speeding up his healing so that the blood vessels healed over before he bled out.

“What’s going on out there?” she asked him as she started to sew the gash closed. She didn’t want to know but she couldn’t help but ask.

“They can reform,” the boys whimpered. “There’s nothing we can do.”

Flora’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking as she finished her work on him. She kept washing her hands and changing gloves but the blood wouldn’t stop staining her. It was up her arms, sprayed across her shirt, dripping to the ground. It made her want to vomit but she held it in.

She heard screaming and then someone called her name. Another Specialist dumped in the bed and she struggled to hear what the boy who’d delivered him had to say. Something about ‘under his skin’ and an indication towards the bloodied bandages wrapped loosely around his middle, and then he disappeared. Flora grabbed the painkiller potion and tried to get him to swallow some.

“Please,” she begged as he shrieked in pain. “This will make you feel better! I need you to drink it!”

It was like he couldn’t hear her. Flora gritted her teeth, she wasn’t supposed to do this but there was no other way to keep him still enough. Vines unfurled from under the bed and wrapped around his limbs, pinning him down. She wrestled some of the potion into his mouth and he choked it down. A little was better than nothing.

“What’s your name?” she asked as his screams died down to rasping gasps.

“Miles,” he said faintly. “Please, I can still feel them…”

Flora froze, and lifted the gauze on his abdomen.

There were at least three dark purple insects, each like a short centipede chewing their way through his gut. They had entered through his belly wound and she could see them crawling under the skin further up his torso. Flora dry-heaved, forcing herself to keep the contents of her stomach down.

Okay, okay. Okay. She was going to have to cut them out, and she needed him to be calm while she did it,

“Drink more,” she instructed, offering him the potion and trying not to show the panic on her face. “I’ve got to get to work and I need you to keep talking to me while I do.” They were in trouble if he went into shock like this.

Miles obediently chugged as much of the potion as she would allow him. Flora knew roughly what was safe to give out but not exactly enough to risk giving him too much.

“I can still feel them,” he whimpered.

“I know and I’m sorry.” Flora waited with her tweezers until she was able to grab onto one of the creatures in the exposed flesh. It latched onto the muscle and she had to skewer it to get it to let go. As soon as the tweezers pierced the insect it disintegrated into dust and she tried to wipe it out of the injury. Flora took a breath and kept going; she’d been quiet too long. “Tell me about your home.”

“There’s not much to say,” he said, rasping through his quick breathing. “Mum, Dad, two younger siblings. It’s all pretty normal… my Dad’s an asshole but whose isn’t?”

“Yeah…” Flora laughed but it didn’t sound genuine. She could see two other insects wriggling around his intestines which brought the count up to four inside him.

“What’s yours like?” He asked. She was glad that he was lying flat and couldn’t see what she could.

“I wouldn’t know,” she said, grabbing onto a second creature and pulling it away as fast as she could. “Mine walked out before I was born. Tell me about your siblings.”

“Got a little brother and a little sister. I’m applying to be posted near them when I graduate so I can still see them.” He grunted as Flora had to move sections of his guts to the side to reach the third critter there.

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” she said.

“What about you?” Miles asked, clenching his fist. Flora bit her lip in guilt; he wasn’t numb enough for this not to feel like torture. It wouldn’t help that the only anaesthetic she had needed to be orally administered.

“Me?” She paused in her speech, dumping the third creature into a bowl and spearing it with the tweezers. “I have a little sister, much younger than me.”

“And is her dad in the picture?” Flora tried not to judge him for asking such personal questions. Her hands were inside his abdomen right now.

“No,” she shook her head. “But he sends my mum money every month and she basically has three parents without him.”

“How so?”

“There’s my mum, but she’s away a lot on research trips so we live with my grandma… and then because I’m so much older I take care of her a lot. She calls our mum ‘Mummy Alyssa’ and she calls me ‘Mummy Flora’,” she laughed. Miele was convinced that any female caretaker was a ‘mummy’ and couldn’t be persuaded to not address her preschool teachers as such. “She wanted to call our grandma that too, but Gran put her foot down.”

Miles laughed weakly and Flora turned her attention to the last insect left; the one that was wriggling under his skin. She was going to have to cut that out.

She got him to talk about the jobs he was applying for and what he had learnt at Red Fountain while she sterilised a scalpel and wiped down the skin over the crawling bug. He was going to feel this, there wasn’t anything to be done about that. She steeled herself and drew the edge against his skin as carefully as she could.

[fairymadnessyeah]

Visiting Time

Shigadabi week day 4

AO3 Link

Summary: EXTRA! EXTRA! The villain Dabi has been captured! Affiliations with Hawks and Endeavour, the Number one hero!

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Captured / Mystery / Trust

"You want to what!?" Shigaraki shouts in disbelief at his second-in-command.

"Go to Tartarous," his idiotic partner repeats. "You said you are planning a prison-break, right? That you need someone you trust on the inside? Well, I'm that person, I'm volunteering," he is crazy, Tomura is sure.

"Why?" he scans him from head to toe.

"What? Don't you trust me? You think I'll double-cross you?" the raven mocks with a grin.

"No, but you usually have other intentions whenever you follow my plans," he tells him, but the other just shrugs. He doesn't say anything else, so Tomura knows he is going to have to drag it out of him. After a year together, he had learned to a lot about Dabi, especially what made him tick. "Whatever, I'm not sending you either way..." he shrugs and turns around, giving his back to him.

"Why the fuck not!?" Dabi argues.

"First and most important, the mission is a very physical one," he starts explaining. "It needs to look as if you put up a fight before you get caught, and then you have to survive prison. In your burnt ass state, you wouldn't last a day," Dabi smirks.

"But you are going to fix that," he reminds him. "With all the notes from the Doctor we recovered and that nice lab you got for Skeptic, you can fix my weak constitution. I know Toga is getting tested to go through the process, I just need to go before her, and I'll be ready in time," Tomura hates that he makes a good argument.

"I still wouldn't send you," he tells him again. "Even if you stop being a burnt corpse, you still are my second-in-command. Heroes know that, and so does the public. If you get caught, it would seem like the heroes are getting closer to stopping us, which is not the message we want to send," he explains and believes it's the end of the discussion, but Dabi's grin only widens.

"Oh, babe, if you send me, the hate for heroes is only going to grow," he comments and gets a confused look from his boss. Dabi, then leans closer and whispers his answer in the boss' ear.

Shigaraki can't help but gasp at the revelation. The last puzzle-piece, the truth about Dabi. It's so simple and so glaringly evident, he is a little ashamed he didn't notice it earlier. It makes so much sense. How could he have thought the fire wielder was mysterious at any point? It's so obvious. "Is that why you want to go?" Tomura asks the man once he leans away.

"Yeah, it's time for people to know the truth," the raven says, and his grin widens until the staples on his face are taut and tight.

Dabi is a match, Tomura realizes, and it's bound time to light it up and set everything ablaze.

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They are all together, watching the news when Dabi gets caught. Tomura, Toga, Spinner and Compress are all worrying. Even if this is a plan, it's a risky one. Many things can go wrong, and they might never see Dabi again. But Tomura weirdly trusts him. Dabi knows what he is doing, and from the first mission, he has brought him nothing but great results. He knew he had chosen well when he picked him as a second-in-command.

The league or what was left of it along with the leaders of the liberation army, were all in Skeptic's new lab to see it. The attack started simple. A blue fire, going off in a building near Endeavour's agency to make a threat and make sure they knew it was Dabi the one behind the attack. The building they choose was a communication centre and could be a possible target. Once the fire started, people began to get evacuated while Dabi made his way to the top of the building, Endeavour hot on his trail.

The whole thing was being televised with a helicopter, so they all got to see the moment Dabi was in the roof with his new hooded jacket and the moment Endeavour froze mid-attack when he took it off. There wasn't a lot of build-up to it. But the commentary from the reporter on the sky was serving their case amazingly.

"That- That is Dabi, right? The villain?" the man said as the camera focused on the new unscarred face of the villain. "Why does he look so much like Endeavour? That's not possible..."

The man narrating wasn't wrong though, Dabi was almost a carbon copy of his dad. Red hair, turquoise eyes, cold gaze, steady shoulders. After his surgery, it had been quite a fright, especially since Dabi lost his shit after seeing himself in the mirror. It had taken Spinner, Compress and him to knock him out while he was burning himself. The incident had postponed the mission for a few days, but it had been worth it. The look of Endeavour's face at seeing the son he tortured back had made it worth it.

"Can we get closer? The villain is saying something," the reporter says, and they can see them get close enough to catch what Dabi was saying.

"- you are not going to fight me? Or can you only do that when I was a weak fucking kid!?" Dabi is heard screaming, and then he lets out a giant torrent of blue, blazing fire. That seems to snap the hero out of his trance, and he defends himself, meeting Dabi's fire with his own. But it isn't enough. The surgery had made Dabi stronger, and soon enough, the hero is on his knees as his son towers over him. The villain, when he is close enough, kick the hero in the face, making him fall down. "Aren't you proud now!? I surpassed the number 1 hero! Isn't that what you wanted!?" Dabi keeps screaming at his father as he steps on him, the heat rising with every word.

Suddenly, Dabi's eyes widen, and he turns towards his back, releasing another torrent of fire. The camera follows his attack and then focuses on another hero who just entered the scene. Hawks, with two feathers out as swords, dodges the attack and tries to find an opening to save the older hero. Dabi keeps his foot atop his father as he also keeps an eye on the flying pest. "Well, isn't this a little reunion? The two highest-ranking heroes came to try to stop me! Don't I feel special?" the villain keeps monologuing, Dabi loved hearing himself talk. "How's it been Keigo? Did you kill anyone else? Who would think that the two most trusted individuals in the country are the two of you? A monster and murderer are the pillars of society, the saviours of tomorrow, the heroes everyone is looking up to!"

BANG!

The door to the roof is kicked open. But as Dabi is about to attack the newcomer, he stops.

In the entrance, is a panting teenager with split hair of two different colours. Him and Dabi lock eyes for a minute, before the teen speaks softly. "Please, nii-san..." the baby hero begs his brother. Dabi stares silently for a second, and for a while, they think he is going to attack. But he only sighs and raises his arms in surrender, stepping away from his father. Then, in an action that makes them stand up from their seat and hold their breath, Hawks attacks. He is going for the kill, and he would have gone through with it if it wasn't for Dabi baby brother. The hero-rookie, notices his intentions, steps in the way, creating a wall of ice in an instance. The league sighs in relief as they see their teammate get handcuffed and the tv programme go to a commercial break.

Part one of the mission had been successful. Now phase two started.

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A month after his arrest, Shigaraki contacted him again.

Once he was cuffed, Shoto took him back to the ground and inside a prisoner moving van. The entire way Hawks had been by his side, ready to leap at any moment, and his brother never left his side, not trusting Hawks for a second. The moment they were out of the building, cameras and flashes surrounded them. Every reporter from every piece of media was there, and they all wanted an answer. The police tried to keep them at bay, but the masses were unrelentless and only left a tiny hallway for the heroes to take him to the van.

He didn't say a word. It wasn't time yet.

Once he was in his cell in Tartarous, the questioning began. The detective Tomura warned him about, the lie detector one, questioned him for two weeks before giving up. Dabi made sure to only speaks in half-truths. Things like 'This is my plan, not the Leagues...', 'I have wanted revenge for years, is why I still stuck with the League, they are a means to end...' and 'He is my brother, you think I'm going to hurt him like my father did? I'm not a monster...' did the trick well enough.

After the interrogations, came the interviews. The fight with his father and Hawks, and the revelations it had brought had been the only thing people talked about. Investigations, debates, conspiracy theories were all focused on him and what he preached. The public was getting anxious for an answer and, to calm things down, an interview of half an hour was allowed. The commission must have believed the people would see him as just another psychopath and would go back to praising the heroes, but Dabi was smarter than that. He knew how to keep people interested, to be enigmatic and draw attention to himself. If he got the leader of the league captivated, he could do it with a bunch of nobodies.

The entire interview, he flirted and teased the reporter and gave nothing but half-answers. But for the last question, he dropped a bomb to make them want more. "You think I ran away from home? No, sweetheart, I died in my home. My father watched me burn and then left me for dead. I left to heal and returned to a family in mourning," he tells her from behind the glass.

"But- but Endeavour is the number one hero...?" she asks, trying to get the results the HPSC wanted.

"All heroes are full of crap, Sweetheart," Dabi winks at her. "Look at your so-called number 2, if you think I'm biased,"

"What do you mean? Hawks is a good person-" the reporter tries to argue back in favour of the winged hero.

"Don't you get tired of lying to yourself?" he mocks her. "Hawks tried to kill me when I surrendered. He killed Twice, someone who never killed anyone before, and an innocent man to prove himself to the league..."

"What- what do you mean prove himself to the League?" she stutters, clearly afraid of the answer.

"He was a double-agent," he tells her. "Keigo joined us and then stabbed us in the back, like all heroes end doing sooner or later,"

"Keigo, huh? It sounds like you were close..." she tries to lead the conversation away from dangerous territory.

"You don't call somebody by their family name when you have sex with them, Sweetheart," he grins as the time runs out and she is escorted out of the cell.

The interview caused riots of massive proportions. The two top heroes integrity were being questioned, and it lead to all heroes to be doubted. People didn't want to be saved by them anymore, UA had to cancel their Sports Festival, and hero agencies were being vandalized. With slurs and insults getting graffitied on their wall and sometimes, people even through rock at their windows. It was beautiful, and with every interview, Dabi made the heat go up. The pressure to find the rest of the PLF had never been more, but he had proved to be useless on that front.

He didn't regret any of it. And when the interviews stopped, he was left alone to rot in his cell. Maybe they were waiting for him to crack when he was left in solitude. He wouldn't and he was a little offended his jailers thought that. That was the moment Shigaraki made contact with him again, and phase three started.

With a mind-communication quirk, Tomura told him that soon they would let him out to the shared space on the prison. He was supposed to start scouting and riot the convicts so that they became loyal to them. The two talked all night, and when he left him, his boss promised a repeat of their last time together if he did a good job.

That made left him reeling and eager to give what his leader wanted and more.

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All the league had said their goodbyes before he went on the mission. He spent an entire day with Toga, letting the crazy girl do all she wanted with him on a self-care day. He never had been able to before, not fully at least. Since his scars wouldn't agree with all the creams the bloodthirsty girl used. She made him promise to return in one piece. He shared a night of drinking with Compress, where the masked man stripped him of a pocket knife and some piercings. He then said he would hold on to them and give them back to him when he came from his mission safe and sound. He trained with Spinner all evening. The lizard asking him to talk nice about him if he saw Stain and to not get himself killed like a fool. He knew they were all worried about him, not only because of the danger of the mission but also about his psyche.

He hated how similar he looked to his dad. He would do anything to stop seeing him every time he looked in the mirror. Tomura helped him.

On his last night with the league, Tomura called him into his room, and he didn't come out till morning. The two spent hours together, softly killing the last moments before he had to leave for a long time. Between whispers and bedsheets, Tomura made Dabi felt thing he thought he had forgotten how to. It was different from his other experiences. It was slow and tender, each caress meant something, and he felt his heart would give out at any moment. Tomura, who could now touch things without the imminent threat of dusting it, pieced him back together tenderly, in a way the surgery couldn't. That night had been heaven on earth, a sanctuary in his everyday inferno. In those quiet moments, between skin and silk, Dabi didn't need anything else. And he had a feeling Tomura thought the same.

After that night, he woke up with a clear objective. They were fighting for a world where they could live in, a world where Magne and Twice could have lived in, and if Dabi needed to burn the one they were in first, then he would gladly light up and do it.

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Two months after the first contact, he heard from Shigaraki again.

He gave him an update on his mission, and his leader kept him up with the outside world. Not many news made it into Tartarous, they had an hour of Tv time when they ate and sometimes heard gossip between the guards, but nothing more.

His mission had been going well. He had found Muscular on the first day, who had a small gang of followers, and he quickly earned their respect. He guessed Shigaraki had also communicated with him, since the blonde man followed him from day one. On his first day out of solitude, he learned how the hierarchy of the place worked, and on the second, he made sure everybody knew he meant business.

The prison had three top dogs, one was Muscular, another one was Dorobo, and the third one was Chisaki. He went after the Yakuza first. The only thing that made him dangerous was his lapdogs, since other than that he was a quirkless armless germ freak. Luckily the Yakuza didn't change much, and the moment he underestimated him, Dabi humiliated him in front of the whole patio of convicts. Some of his lapdogs even changed sides, coming to him after finally seeing Chisaki was a lost cause. The Dorobo part was more tricky, but he was slowly making the small gang respect him.

"Do you trust those Yakuzas?" Shigaraki's voice echoed in his mind.

"Not entirely, Setsuno and Hoyo are more likely to betray us, but Rappa, Rikija and Tabe are desperate to get out of here," he thinks, talking to Tomura.

"Anything else I should be aware of?" Shigaraki asks.

"Kurogiri, Stain, the Doctor and your Sensei are in constant lockdown. I can't reach them and not get caught," he informs him.

"I see. I'll deal with Kurogiri and Stain, the Doctor and Sensei can wait," he tells him.

"You sure?"

"If he wanted to, Sensei could get out of there with a flick of his finger. He is making his own plan. And we don't need the Doctor, for now. We can get him out after we free Kurogiri," he hears Tomura explain.

"Mmm, I miss you," he tells him, not having much of filter inside his head.

"Me too," Tomura breathlessly responds.

"Is there anything you want from this place?" he asks, confusing the leader. "I can't go back empty-handed, I want to give you a gift," he tells him.

"Just come back safely, and I will be satisfied," Tomura admits.

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It took seven months for the mission to reach its final point.

One morning, in a peaceful part of town, they released some second-rate Noumus and made them run through the woods. Heroes went on a wild goose chase after them, and while they were busy, the prison break began.

They first cut communications with the outside. Skeptic did it electronically until Toga got inside and gained control of the whole prison in the control-panels. Once Toga had taken control, Dabi started another riot. It began as a fight between his group and the Yakuzas that escalated, and the Dorobos joined in. It was a common occurrence for riots to break out whenever Dabi felt bored, so the guards inside already knew the protocol they had to follow.

As they were distracted with that, Spinner and Compress slipped inside with the help of Toga and liberated the two key players who weren't in the riot. Compress went after Kurogiri and Spinner after Stain. Once her task was done, she went to the storage room of Tartarous, where they kept all the villains personal stuff and met with Compress, Spinner and the two older men, who were back in their usual clothing. With bags full of Compress' marbles, Kurogiri opened a portal, and they all left.

While that was happening undisturbed, a giant icicle broke one of the walls of the prison, just where the prisoners were at the moment. Out of the ice structure, Apocrypha and one of their underdogs came out. The underdog, one with an electrical quirk, created a make-shift fence between the prisoners and the guards. At that moment, Toga, who was still in the control centre by that time, enabled the convicts quirk to be back. But only those Dabi had said it was okay. Then, with the guards leaving them alone and their quirks back, Dabi stood among them with a way to escape.

The small group of five ended in a green, flowery clearing, where Tomura was waiting. As soon as they arrived, the leader asked the mist man to open another portal, back to the prison, where the other convicts were. Apocrypha, once the black portal appeared, made an ice wall to give the convicts time to escape. They all went through it, but when Hoyo and Setsuno were about to follow them, Dabi stopped them. The Yakuza's didn't have their quirks back yet, so even if the red-head was alone, there was no way for them to win against him. Not to mention that Apocrypha was behind him, giving him time and keeping the ice wall up.

"None of you are going to leave this place until you prove to me you are not loyal to Chisaki anymore. You don't have to join the league, but if you want freedom, you can't serve Overhoe," he gives them an ultimatum.

"What!? How!? In any moment they are going to break that wall! There is no time for that!" Setsuno complains.

"Grab Chisaki and hold him for me," Dabi tells them, no panic in his voice. "I'm going to gift him to Tomura, but he is heavy, and I don't want to carry him," he explains and watches as Chisaki's eye widen in surprise as his shoulders begin to shake with rage. "So, what's it gonna be?" Setsuno and Hoyo share a glance and then look behind them.

The blonde lowers his head and then steps back towards the Yakuzas. But Hoyo doesn't. He turns around, pushes the skinny lapdogs out of the way and grabs Chisaki like a bag of potatoes. The germaphobe screams and pleads with the bald man, but he doesn't listen. Dabi lets him pass and finally, as the ice wall falls, the fire and ice wielder step into the mist.

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As the convicts start coming through the black portal, they are distributed into cars. Those that don't want to join the league but become allies are given a small car per groups of four, and the one who join the Paranormal front are moved into a truck. The only ones left inside the prison are Geten, the Yakuza and Dabi.

The league waits for them as the truck filled with ex-convicts leaves.

Tomura doesn't know what's taking the other so long. The fire-maniac had asked they give him a few minutes to sort something out, but he was really pushing it. Had they got him again? No. He trusted his second-in-command. Whatever he was doing was for the league, he knew that. He was impatient, though. It had been seven months since he last saw the pyro, and while hearing his voice and seeing news about him was enough for a while, he still wanted to be next to him.

Suddenly, a bald man carrying the screaming and pleading mess of Chisaki Kai comes through the portal, with Dabi and Geten behind him. Kurogiri closes the gateway, and it takes all of Tomura's self-control not to run towards Dabi.

"I brought you a gift," Dabi states as Geten stomps away, fuming and cursing and the ex-yakuza leaves his former boss on the ground in front him. "Take a ride with the ice Gremlin. Something tells me you won't join the league," he tells Hoyo, who grunts and leaves.

"Welcome back," Tomura greets him, as Dabi comes closer to him. "I knew you could do it,"

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The league partied and celebrated their win that night.

Their new base was hidden inside on a mountain, and the more civilian-like part of the army were at a different location, so it was private to villains. The new recruits, who had been locked away, were drinking and enjoying their freedom. Re-destro and the rest of his group was trying to control them to no avail, but otherwise were having a good time and basking in the triumph of the mission. Stain, who, although he was not going to join the league, decided to hang around, was meeting his fans. Toga, after finally letting go of Dabi, latched onto the hero-killer like a  parasite. She asked him all sort of question about blood and showed him her knife collection. Spinner stood by their side, listening and staring in awe as the man talked. Dabi was beside them too, chuckling in amusement at the scene and talking for Spinner since the lizard was unable to. Compress travelled from small group to small group, basically hosting the entire thing and giving out clothes for the ex-prisoners to change.

Dabi leaves the one-sided chat with Stain when Compress gives him his clothes. He steps away from the celebration altogether and heads towards his room. As he walks through the halls of their base, he comes across Tomura and Kurogiri. The two had disappeared at some point of the party, and they were now trapped in a loving embrace. He didn't interrupt them and kept on his way. He was taking off the jail suit when Tomura stepped inside his room.

The two crossed gazes, and Tomura closed the door behind him and finally gave in. He strode to his second-in-command and clashed their lips together in a wanting and desperate kiss.

They didn't come out of that room until the next morning.

[ultrahamilham]

1,9,29,42

Okay quick warning here. There are mentions of rape, suicide and slight blood and wounds. please be warned before you click and read. Also I overshare in here a lot, so be warned about that too!

1. Any scars?

Yep! I have a lot, actually lmao I will go over the ones I can remember right now.

I have one between my thumb and forefinger on my left hand. I was on a swing and my friend twisted me around on it, and my hand got caught in the chains. Crushed my hand open. They couldn’t stitch it because of the location so they had to glue it back together and keep it immobile for almost a week until it healed enough for a bandage. It was hell!

On the same hand on my palm is another swing accident! There is a V-shaped scar on the bottom right area on the palm of my left hand. I jumped off of a swing and sliced my hand open on a sharp branch. I needed stitches but my mom just bandaged it up and said I was fine. She didn’t want to go to the hospital.

I have an oval shaped burn on my right forearm just under my wrist. Back at my old job, we had gravy and no one kept the water level up properly so it was hotter than it should have been. We were really busy so when I dropped gravy on it and burned myself, I didn’t have time to clean it off and treat it. I was the supervisor so I was running the show. I showed my co worker who was the other supervisor later and he got really mad at me and dragged me to the sink lmao It’s slowly fading but it will always be there.

I have a small one on my knee that healed smaller than I thought it would. I split my knee open as a child and fainted when I saw my kneecap. I now have a vitiligo dot there.

I have one on my left foot on my ankle area. I stepped on glass one Christmas and when I brought my right foot up to get it out, I sliced my ankle open on my left foot. I apparently hate the left side of my body because I fell off a scooter and skinned my left elbow when I was a kid and my mom put FUCKING DRY GAUZE ON THE FUCKING THING then when she was changing it, she pulled out a chunk of skin and flesh so now I have a scar there. My mom is bad at first aid, let me tell you that.

There are more, but I can’t think of any aside from my obvious top surgery scars.

9. What’s your dream job?

When I was younger, it was marine biology, specifically based on sharks. Now, it’s an emergency telecommunicator (911 here in Canada and down in the states), specifically in the fire field. I went to school for it, and now I’m just applying all around, hoping to get in!

29. Worst mistake?

I’ve made quite a few mistakes, but I think my worst one was going back to my ex after he raped me, and trusting him. He was super abusive, so I thought that I could help him. I had called the cops before (pre transition by the way) and they asked me what I was wearing. Long story short, nothing came of that call because they didn’t believe me (Barrie police are barely police, that’s what we like to say in my city. We have one of the most corrupt police forces in all of Ontario, or so I’ve been told). I went back to him when he convinced me to after threatening suicide and then he got me into way more debt than I could manage by stealing my credit cards.

I ended up turning to alcohol to feel better and I was a serious alcoholic. I got better though! So yeah, that dude was my worst mistake. Even his name makes me feel sick.

42. Are you okay?

At this second? Yeah. Mostly? Not really. I still have issues with suicide and self worth, but I’m working on it. My cousin dating and having a baby with my rapist really bothered me, but I’m moving on. They stalk me to this day, but they avoid me because I have a good group of friends and co workers who are helping me.

I’m a little worried about work because I have been told we might be shutting down for a while, or permanently. So I’m going to have to find new income if that happens. I have EI for a few months, but that’s it. So here’s to hoping!

[dailyaudiobible]

07/23/2021 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 8:11-10:19, Romans 8:9-25, Psalms 18:16-36, Proverbs 19:26

Today is the 23rd day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is a joy and a privilege and an honor to be here with you today around the Global Campfire as we come in and take the next step forward together. Right now, this part of the year, this part of the month, we find ourselves in the book of second Chronicles. We’ve been reading for the New Living Translation this week, which is what we’ll continue with today. Second Chronicles chapter 8 verse 11 through 10 verse 19.

Commentary:

Alright. So in the book of Romans we had been discussing the law, its role, its function, its revealing of our failures and how it showed us what sin was and we’ve basically been talking about sin since for the last couple of days. And we get a really good picture of what we would…what we would call the now and the not yet, which is something that's described about Paul's writings, where there is a now. And, so, Paul was very confessional about his own struggles. Now he does the things he doesn't want to do. And he does the things that he doesn’t want to do, and who…who can free him, and only Jesus can free us. But we have this kind of squatter, sin, who has no claim, but if we obey then we become a slave. And, so, we always have this choice. And, so, it's essentially Paul's conviction that sin will get us in the end, in this mortal body. In other words, we will die in this mortal body, but sin has no claim to our Spirit and day by day we are being transformed into the likeness of our Savior. In fact, it's the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead that's with in us. And if the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, raised Christ from the dead than we can expect the same things, that we will experience resurrection as well. So, that's kind of a summary of what we are reading today, but let's just put it in Paul's own words. “Christ lives within you. So, even though your body will die because of sin the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. The Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead. He will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.” And, so, Paul’s saying this is a…a current state of reality for us, but we’re in the in between. This is a process, and this is where we are. Our bodies in a sinful world are going to wear down but our Spirits will be renewed every day. And ultimately the not yet will be the now and we will be restored to complete perfection as it was intended to be. Paul says it like this, I quote, “yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later for all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who is children really are, for we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time and we believers also grown even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We too to wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us.” Okay. So, that's the not yet. That is what we are hoping for, a time when sin is no more, and death has died, death has been swallowed up in victory. So, essentially if we had a boil down what we've been saying over the last few days it is that sin is a thing and sin, even though we are free from its claims to us is something that we can still choose to obey. We can still choose that kind of slavery if that's what we want. We’re just not perpetually in that state. It doesn't have a claim to us anymore. We died to it and we’re resurrected spiritually. We have right standing before God. We have been grafted into his family. We can call him Abba, Papa, Father, Daddy. We don't have to be afraid. I mean, I have a little boy, his name is Ezekiel. He’s gotten really popular around here this year for reading Daily Audio Bible Kids and he’s doing a great job, but he’s a little boy and he does things that are wrong from time to time, and he does things that he knows are wrong from time to time. And if he has to come and confess or acknowledge because something's been discovered that he has done, something that he knows is wrong he doesn't come to me in terror. He’s not afraid of who knows what I might do to him. He comes and he knows he's done wrong. So, he already knows it was wrong. He's already learned. He may have punishment. He may have consequences that have arisen out of his own actions, but he doesn't have to have terror. He's my son. I am his poppa, his abba, his daddy, his father. So, we may wrestle with the things that we struggle with that we’re trying to medicate or soothe or fill or whatever. We may choose things that ultimately separate us from God or are sinful but we don't have to live in terror of our Father. We need to run to our Father, confess our ultimate and utter dependence and kick the squatter out of our lives. This may be theological, even technical in some ways, but this is the good news. God wants you back and will never stop wanting that for everyone. And, so, let's carry that forward into this day and into this weekend.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, come. May we rest in the knowledge that You really do love us, that maybe we exasperate You at times because of our foolishness, but You really love us deeply, individually. You know our stories. You know who we are and where we've come from. And, so, we come to You. There is no other place to go. Even when we choose things that are destructive in our lives, help us Holy Spirit to rapidly recognize what's going on and rapidly return to our source of life itself. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

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And it's where you find the Prayer Wall and pray for one another around here. That's in the Community section. And of course, all this can be accessed on the web at dailyaudiobible.com or using the Daily Audio Bible app by pressing the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner. So, you can find the Prayer Wall in the Community section.

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that on the web or in the app as well. On the web there's a link on the homepage. In the app there’s is a give button in the upper right-hand corner. Thank you. Thank you humbly and profoundly for your partnership as we continue our journey, the voyage of a lifetime across a year and through the Bible together in community. If that is life-giving to you than thank you for your partnership.

If you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, the little red button at the top or there are a number of numbers that you can call depending on where you are in the world. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to dial. In the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number to call. And if you are in Australia are the lands down under 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family God bless you God bless the Hardin family and the reading of the scriptures. I am Lauralee. I am 16-year listen her. I am 16 years old…17 years old in Christ and I'm just calling. I came to work to this morning and got news that Adrian Lubetkin died last night. Father your word says it's appointed to man once to die and then face judgment. We have prayed for Adrian, that her own understanding about death would be changed in the last couple weeks, that you would perform heart surgery on her. And I have great faith because I saw you do it for my dad. I witnessed it, I saw it. So, I have great faith, that even though I didn't see it that you answered our prayers for Adrian according to your will because you don't delight in the destruction of the wicked and you want everyone to be saved. So, we asked and I trust you that I will see her and that you performed a miracle because you are God of miracles and You're good and You love your creation. I pray that You have made her one of Your very own and we’ll see her later in the name of Jesus. Thank you have a good day.

Hello DAB family this is the Disciple that He loves in Ohio. I've been listening for years now but have never called. I just desperately need prayer for my daughter. She's 15 and has been battling depression since she was 11 or 12. She has such a good heart and at times I just see glimpses of the person she's supposed to be but she's stealing and lying and is so far away and she just says all the time that she doesn't see a point of living and she wants to die. It just breaks my heart. I've prayed over this girl and loved her and asked angels to protect her her whole life and it just, I'm just worried. I'm afraid I'm going to lose her. She talks about dying and wanting to be dead all the time. I'm doing everything I can to get her the help but she just seems like she's getting worse instead of better. I just ask that everyone can come against the spiritual powers of wickedness and that are taking over her and that she would turn back to God and she would be healed over depression and her suicidal ideations. Thank you so much. I love you.

Hi this is Micah in Awe in Kansas City MO. I wanted to pray today for people today that are struggling with mobility issues. Shandra from Maryland you really touched me with your encouragement. And I tasted just briefly what it's like to be immobilized for…for about six months. I was on a knee scooter and kind of hurt to use my other foot to push the knee scooter but I still was able to. And I remember thinking of how…how much of a struggle it would be for someone in a wheelchair and how inaccessible certain places were like just different stores and I wanted to make a change but I just never did but I still want to and today I'm asking all of you out there whether your mobile or immobilized to pray for people that feel or are physically immobilized and not able to get around to where they want to go and feel like they're trapped. Let's pray. Lord today I ask for people all over the world not just DABbers, not just listeners, but everybody who struggles with immobilized…that are immobilized that you can help them feel free even when they are trapped, that you can help them with quality of life and joy when they can't do the things that they once were able to do. We ask for assistance with machinery and equipment that can help them, like if someone wants to get out on trails, some sort of like wheelchairs type bike or something. I don't know what it is but Lord you know what can be done. And I ask for changemakers, like…like make me a changemaker in the mobility area, that these people can have better quality of life and freedom Lord. But we know that our real freedom is in you Lord. Set them free internally and give them great joy. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Hey DAB family this is Sam in Seattle. I haven't gotten on to do a voice recording in a while but have kind of posted on the DAB friends and I’ve been keeping up there. I am coming to ask for prayer for people that are involved in family court. It's torturous. It's downright disgusting the things that are happening and how people with mental health conditions are allowed to use the court system to inflict wrongdoings upon the people that they have abused before or people that have been charged with domestic violence or assault on people, right? They are allowed to use the family court system to attack people's character, their jobs. So…and I…I've heard a lot of single parents on here before, you know, asking for prayers considering their kids and custody things. I even know there's somebody down South from me, I think you're in Kent, maybe you're in Tacoma, but a man that has been going through a lot of custody stuff too. So, I just…I want to ask for prayers for people that are involved in family court and the children…the children that are getting abused through this. Thank you.

Good morning Voice the bass player calling in from northern Nevada and I wanted to call and pray for Joe the Protector Who called to pray for someone else and…but mentioned that he started a new job recently and he's…he's having problems with other guys on the job not being believers. And, so, I pray for…I’m praying for Joe, that…that he could just keep a good heart, a good amount of positive thinking and thinking of the Lord and His goodness during his workday. But he also mentioned that he has three daughters or four daughters I think he said and none of them are walking with God. And I can relate to that because I have four children also and there's only one that I would consider to be walking with a Lord Jesus. And, so, I wanted to pray for all the people out there that have kids that are…that are not saved. You know, our children are the biggest blessing that we have from the Lord. A pastor friend of mine said having children is like having your heart outside of you walking around. And it's true. So, Lord Jesus I just pray for everyone who has children that need to be saved, that need to know you, that need to have their hearts changed by the Holy Spirit. I pray for all of them in Jesus’ name. And everyone have a great week. God bless.