#and several people were in tears when he told us today

[trans-der-vampire]

great day to be gay and fucking stupid

[hedgehog-moss]

(TW POLICE VIOLENCE)

France has been feeling like a police state this week, there were 5000 cops deployed in Paris yesterday (watch this video and tell me this is a normal amount of cops and they're behaving normally) and they keep acting like they have total immunity*, to beat up protesters, to arrest protesters, or just random people walking in the vicinity of a protest. My 70+-year-old dad tried to go to a peaceful protest and had to abandon the idea because of all the tear gas being used by police.

*Which they do—as Le Monde pointed out, the cops who are violent risk nothing because they can't be identified because almost none of them wear their identification number even though it's supposed to be mandatory. They're not being penalised for not wearing them, so why should they?

If you can stomach it, please have a look at the photos and videos on this Twitter account documenting French police brutality against protesters—as I write this, the most recent tweet is about a journalist who was beaten up by a BRAV-M cop* using his steel baton; he had his head cracked open and his hand broken.

(* BRAV-M is a motorised repression corps—cops on bikes—a unit that was dissolved in 1986 after some of them beat a student to death, who wasn't even attending a protest but walking near one. Macron changed the unit's name, from Voltigeurs to BRAV-M, and reestablished it to suppress the Yellow Vests protests. This week, a BRAV-M cop deliberately drove over a 19-year-old's leg at a protest after chasing him on his bike. The victim said he heard a cop say to others "Smash him." Another BRAV-M punched a protester unconscious on March 20. And today Le Monde published an article about BRAV-M cops being recorded bragging about "breaking elbows and faces.")

In Paris last week the CRS arrested a 14-year-old kid because they took him for a dangerous black bloc protester I guess?? A child spent a night in police custody without knowing why. They've also arrested several 15 / 16 year-olds. Let's teach the youth what happens when you exercise your right to protest!

On March 16th in Paris, within one evening, they arrested 292 people, and 283 were released without charges, which means they're mass-arresting people for peaceful protests as a strategy of intimidation. The student I mentioned in my post the other day, who spent 48 hours in custody and was eventually charged for refusing to have his DNA samples taken and filed, asked the cops why they were arresting him + 4 other people who were walking down the same street and they said "Because you look like fucking leftists."

The government tells us "We fully support our brave police forces" when the cops are arresting people for "looking like leftists." How are we still a democracy? The guy also mentioned that during the time he spent at the police station, the police was mostly arresting Maghrebis, though they made an exception for him, a Black guy. There are videos from the past week of cops beating up women, tear gassing protesters in the face from 20cm away, kicking protesters in the face when they're already on the ground, crushing their heads under their boot, brutalising a homeless man and old ladies, tear gassing crowds with young children in them. I'm having trouble finding links to these specific incidents I remember because there are so many videos circulating.

Look at this video, they're violently striking the back of people's heads with steel batons even when the protesters are already going in the direction they're told to. The little old lady shoved around and trying to protect her head from the strikes is breaking my heart.

Surely at the point when enforcers of state authority are arresting middle schoolers, beating up citizens for exercising their rights and gassing and pepper spraying elderly people, children and babies in strollers, the government might want to make some sort of statement condemning this state of affairs, but instead they have been telling us they're proud of & grateful for their police forces, which of course angers people and makes protests more violent. The Minister of the Interior, who supervises the police, praises them wholeheartedly and excuses all instances of deliberate brutality as 'isolated incidents' due to 'tiredness'.

Here's a thread in English describing a protester's experience—"Yesterday (March 23) the level of arbitrary police violence clearly leveled up. I was tear gassed three times without being able to move in a very dense crowd; policemen took advantage that people were unable to move more than 20cm to pounce on us and bludgeon us in a totally arbitrary manner." (you can see an example of this behaviour in this video from a different protest)

Yesterday, after a day of nationwide protests that brought a fresh new wave of video evidence of cops beating up protesters and making reckless use of tear gas—at the end of a day when a special ed teacher at a protest got her thumb torn off by a tear gas grenade—this is what the French Prime Minister said:

They're not even trying to play it off like "both sides made mistakes" they're telling us they condone everything the police is doing, that this is what they're deploying them for:

(screencap from this video)

(this is from this video, in which you can hear a woman screaming "Stop it! You're strangling him! You have no right! I'm filming you!" The cops don't seem to care about being filmed. They're beating up citizens with the government's full blessing after all.)

Macron's government is trying to intimidate people into giving up their right to protest, by deploying cops in huge numbers and publicly voicing complete support for their behaviour, by allowing them to beat and arrest hundreds of people and to use tear gas indiscriminately. Tear gas has been completely normalised as a means of state violence, it's very practical that it doesn't leave traces of blood or broken bones I guess, but it's still violence, it burns, it's a chemical whose effects on people's health we don't know a lot about.

^ Paris (from this vid; caption: "one tear gas grenade after the other")

Macron condescendingly told us there's no "magic money" which is why the pension reform is needed, but he did find the money to stockpile these apparently unlimited amounts of tear gas grenades to suppress protests against his reform to make poor people work longer.

^ Nantes (screencap from a vid in which the cops throw three or four grenades at once and you can hear people say "oh come on, seriously? this is crazy. Why? go fuck yourselves" in a tired tone)

We've also found out yesterday that three Corsican MPs were pressured not to support the Assembly's no-confidence vote against the government—by being told if they didn't vote it, a teaching hospital would be built in Corsica.

The island of Corsica is the only region of France that doesn't have a teaching hospital; due to lack of medical resources Corsicans often have to travel to mainland France for healthcare. Just last month the Minister of Health said sorry, still no teaching hospital for Corsica, it's just not possible right now. Then last week some "magic money" was apparently found to build it but only if the Corsican MPs didn't support the no-confidence vote. I know this kind of thing isn't exactly unique in politics but Macron has been slashing hospital budgets to the point that 20% of French hospital beds are closed due to lack of staff, and he used the health of 340,000 French citizens as a bribe to save his ass. The three Corsican MPs ended up voting in favour of the no-confidence vote despite of that, as it was what their constituents wanted (honour to them). Macron's government survived the no-confidence vote by only 9 votes.

Whatever legitimacy Macron has as a President right now is being clung to by MP corruption and police repression. How do we move forwards knowing that, I don't know. How does he have legitimacy to govern on any issues after the way he handled this reform and the following protests? His police forces are drowning city centres in tear gas, a chemical whose effect on birds and other fauna is not known, and we're supposed to listen to him talk about the environment? They're wasting thousands of litres of water using water cannons to disperse protesters, and we're supposed to listen to him talk about low groundwater levels and how we need to save water? I was going to say, what about his legitimacy abroad but other Western governments don't seem too bothered so far by his handling of the protests—though I'm grateful that Amnesty International did condemn it, and that a Belgian deputy made a speech in Parliament this week asking his government to condemn Macron's use of violent police repression.

[Wait, I just saw that as I was writing this post, the Council of Europe condemned the "excessive use of force" in France. Saying that 'sporadic acts of violence' of some protesters can't 'justify the excessive use of force by agents of the State' or 'deprive peaceful protesters of their right to freedom of assembly'. This is the opposite framing as the one our government is standing by—sporadic acts of violence by cops that are either justified or excusable—it's refreshing.]

Between that and Charles III cancelling his visit (and lots of tourists cancelling trips to Paris which is bound to piss off the tourism industry) and our own media waking up and starting to talk about the government's brutality, I hope Macron starts being held accountable. He has been fanning the flames of this crisis at every turn, by telling us that the crowds protesting in the street have 'no legitimacy', by sending cops to break strikes even though striking is a Constitutional right (but the only part of the Constitution he cares about is the one that starts with 49.3), by condemning the protesters when asked to condemn police violence—saying "When [protesters] use violence, unregulated, absolute, we're no longer in a Republic." I agree, but he's describing himself.

When you resort to using article 49.3 to bypass the National Assembly for the 11th time this term to impose a reform that 70% of the country is against (and 93% of working people) that will force the poorer classes of the population to work longer, and your only response to people's distress at being told to work until they die is to force them to accept it by allowing your police forces to beat up protesters, to arrest them and to gas them, you have failed as a democratic leader.

The next organised protest and strike is next Tuesday (if you want to give something to the strike solidarity fund, here it is); in the meantime spontaneous protests are still erupting pretty much every day and cops are getting burnt out (good! There are fun videos from yesterday's protests of cops accidentally tear gassing one another, or a police car accidentally running into another as people laugh and clap.) And yes some protesters are getting more extreme and destructive, but Macron is the one choosing to stand by his reform at all costs and let this country burn. And when I look at what we're being expected to tolerate and to normalise, I'm kind of proud that French people's gut reaction was "burn it all."

Some popular Twitter hashtags for the protests:

#ToutCramer - Burn everything #CensurePopulaire - People's no-confidence vote #MacronDémission - Macron resign #OnLâcheRien - We won't cede an inch.

[erwinsvow]

𝐫𝐜 - 𝟏:𝟒𝟓𝐩𝐦

“i told ya to stay at home,” rafe says, fingers gripping the steering wheel of his truck tightly, knuckles turning white before your eyes. you don’t look up at him—your moody gaze focusing out of the window instead, staring at the trees and the pavement instead of your boyfriend.

maybe you shouldn’t have complained so much. you know he’s right, because after all, you had begged to tag along with him for the day. normally rafe can hold his own—can refuse and let you down easy with a promise to come back later and spend the rest of the day doing whatever you want, which is more often than not just crashing at tannyhill and watching a movie. you inevitably fall asleep and stay the night, just like what had happened last night. 

and then this morning, clad just in rafe’s button-up and some socks, you pad up to him and look at him sweetly.

“no, no, you’re jus’ gonna start complainin’ the second you get bored-” 

“i won’t! no complaints here, none,” you had insisted, giving him your best pout and puppy eyes. 

“i have real shit to get done today, kid, important business-”

“i won’t say anything! you won’t even know i’m there, rafe-”

rafe had given in eventually—squeezing your cheeks together with his hand before you got in the passenger seat of his car, after opening the door for you.

“when you start complainin’, i’m gonna make you regret it. hm?” you had squeaked out an agreeing noise, quickly following up with a promise to stay quiet before climbing into your seat.

that had been hours ago. in that time, rafe had stopped at several houses, gone inside and spent time talking to other people—some you recognized, others not so much—and ended up here, with you waiting, your feet on his dash while he was inside with barry. the minutes were dragging into hours at this point, your entire body feeling tired and achy from the position. the air in the car felt a little suffocating and paired with the heat of the sun pouring through the windows, nothing you could do would make you feel comfortable.

rafe’s one rule had been not to get out of the car while he was inside. in your attempt to follow his instructions, you felt yourself getting more and more frustrated, a certain crankiness bubbling up inside you, making one of its rare appearances. 

you tried to scroll through your phone and play music—which failed immediately since there was no service out here. you tried to eat the candy you kept in his glovebox, but it was melted beyond the point of remaining edible. you tried, you really did, but just like rafe had predicted, you started complaining the second he got back in the truck.

“you think, what? that i say that shit for me? no, kid, i’m saying it for you, ‘cause i know you get fed up in the car when i’m fuckin’ busy tryna make some money, being fuckin’ proactive for us-”

“but i-”

“no excuses. i told you to stay home. you gonna get an attitude with me? huh?” 

“you’re not even-”

“shoulda tied your ass to the bed. that’s what i’ll do next time.”

it doesn’t take much longer for the tears to come to the surface, your face falling into that sad look that makes him mad at himself for even ever yelling at you. you cry silently like that until he parks at tannyhill, and when he looks at you, regret washes over him. your pretty makeup all messed up, body heaving with sobs, staring down at your feet because you felt too ashamed to look him in the eyes.

“hey, hey,” he starts, a hand resting on your shoulder to get your attention. it moves deftly to your chin, titling your pretty, teary face up at him. “c’mon, don’t cry. it’s nothin’.” 

“you got mad,” you say, voice broken up with a sob, blubbering on. “i’m sorry, i am. i just hate being all alone here without you, it’s the worst-” 

“come on, kid.”

“jus’ wanted to hang out with you,” you sniffle. he runs a hand through his hair. he needs to get better at not getting frustrated with you just because he’s not used to your affection.

“i know, baby. we’re home now so get inside, hm?” you comply with his instructions, walking into tannyhill and heading towards the couch in the living room, like you always do when the two of you curl up to watch a movie.

“where you goin'?” he calls after you. you stop in your track, turning around to face rafe.

“i thought we’re hanging out? the living room?”

“and i said this morning that i would make you regret complainin’. so get your ass upstairs first, now.”

[shitsndgiggs]

Could you do a request where Kenan was divorced and re-married to oc. He had a son/daughter from his first marriage whom oc loves like he/her is her own child. Kenan has always warned oc about going out on her own with the child because of his fans but oc decided to the opposite and fans and photographers mob them which results in the child getting hurt. Kenan lashes out on oc but later realises his mistake and feels guilty when he finds oc crying, and that she never meant to do anything intentionally.

A FATHERS FURY - KENAN YILDIZ

When you defy Kenan’s wishes and take his son to the park, an unexpected encounter with fans leads to a heated argument between you and him

Kenan Yildiz x fem! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

I always tried my best to be cautious, understanding the challenges that came with being married to a famous footballer.

Kenan had warned me many times about the potential dangers of going out alone with his son, Aydin, especially with the fervent fans and relentless paparazzi always eager for a glimpse of their favorite player’s personal life.

I loved Aydin like he was my own, and I wanted to give him a sense of normalcy. Today, I decided a quick trip to the park would be harmless.

“Aydin, do you want to go to the park?" I asked with a smile, watching his face light up with joy.

"Yes, yes, yes!" he exclaimed, bouncing on his feet. "I want to play on the swings!"

"Alright, grab your shoes and let's go," I replied, feeling a mix of excitement and apprehension.

As we walked to the park, I kept an eye out, hoping not to attract any unwanted attention.

At first, everything seemed perfect. Aydin laughed and played on the swings, his happiness contagious.

But soon, I noticed a group of people approaching, cameras and phones at the ready.

Panic set in as they surrounded us, shouting and snapping pictures.

"Please, can you give us some space?" I pleaded, trying to shield Aydin from the chaos.

One overly eager fan pushed forward, knocking Aydin off balance. He fell to the ground, scraping his knee and bursting into tears.

I scooped him up immediately, my heart breaking at his cries.

"Shh, it's okay love. I’m so sorry," I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes. I managed to push through the crowd and make my way back home, my heart pounding with fear and guilt.

When we arrived home, Kenan was waiting for us, his face a mask of worry. "What happened?" he demanded, his eyes narrowing as he took in Aydin’s tear-streaked face and scraped knee.

"I... I just wanted to take him to the park," I began, my voice trembling. "I thought it would be safe, but people recognized us, and he got hurt."

Kenan's expression darkened, anger flashing in his eyes. "I told you it wasn't safe to go out alone with him!" he snapped. "Why didn't you listen to me?"

Tears streamed down my face as I cradled Aydin. "I’m so sorry, Kenan. I just wanted to give him a normal day. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Sorry isn't enough," he retorted, his voice harsh and unforgiving. "You put our son in danger because you didn't listen! What were you thinking?"

I flinched at his words, the guilt and pain overwhelming me. I set Aydin down gently and fled to the bedroom, sobs wracking my body as I collapsed on the bed.

I never meant to hurt Aydin or defy Kenan’s wishes. I just wanted to make Aydin happy.

Kenan watched me go, his anger slowly fading as he realized the severity of his words. He knelt down beside Aydin, tending to his scraped knee and whispering soothing words.

Guilt gnawed at him as he heard my muffled cries from the bedroom.

Once Aydin was settled, Kenan made his way to the bedroom, his heart heavy with regret. He found me curled up on the bed, my body shaking with sobs.

He approached slowly, sitting beside me and placing a gentle hand on my back.

"I’m sorry," he said softly, his voice breaking through the silence. "I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that. I was scared and worried for Aydin, but that doesn't excuse my behavior."

I sniffled, looking up at him with red, tear-filled eyes. "I just wanted to make him happy. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen."

"I know," he whispered, pulling me into his arms. "I know you didn't mean for this to happen. I’m sorry for blaming you. I should have been more understanding."

I clung to him, the warmth of his embrace offering some comfort. "I love him like he’s my own, Kenan. I would never intentionally put him in harm’s way."

"I know you wouldn’t," he replied, kissing the top of my head. "I overreacted, and I’m truly sorry. Can you forgive me?"

I nodded, feeling the tension slowly leaving my body. "I forgive you. I just... I want us to be okay."

"We will be," he promised, his voice filled with sincerity. "We’ll talk about things more, and I’ll try to be less overprotective."

The next few days were a blend of apologies and reassurances, both of us working through the aftermath of the incident. Kenan became even more attentive, always making sure Aydin and I were safe and comfortable.

His protective nature, though sometimes overbearing, was rooted in his deep love for his family.

One evening, as I was preparing dinner, Kenan walked into the kitchen, his expression softening as he saw me. "Need any help?" he asked, his tone gentle.

I smiled, appreciating his effort to be more involved. "Sure, you can chop the vegetables."

He nodded, grabbing a knife and a cutting board, his movements careful and precise. We worked in comfortable silence for a while, the rhythm of our tasks creating a peaceful atmosphere.

"Kenan," I said after a few minutes, breaking the silence. "I’ve been thinking about what happened, and I want us to come up with a plan for handling these situations in the future.

I want to be able to take Aydin out without worrying so much."

He paused, looking thoughtful. "You're right. We need to find a balance. Maybe we can hire a discreet security detail for when you go out, just to make sure you’re both safe."

I considered his suggestion, seeing the merit in it. "That could work. And maybe we can also find quieter, less crowded places to go."

He nodded in agreement. "We’ll figure it out together."

I reached out, placing a hand on his arm. "Thank you, Kenan. For understanding and for always looking out for us."

He smiled, his eyes warm. "I’ll always look out for you and Aydin. You two are my world."

As the weeks passed, we found our new rhythm. We hired a security detail, ensuring our trips out were safe and peaceful.

Kenan and I communicated more openly, working through our fears and concerns together.

One afternoon, as we sat in the park watching Aydin play, Kenan took my hand, intertwining our fingers. "I’m proud of us," he said, his voice filled with emotion. "We’ve come a long way."

I smiled, squeezing his hand. "We have. And I’m grateful for every moment with you and Aydin."

He leaned in, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I love you, always."

"I love you too," I replied, feeling a deep sense of contentment. Despite the challenges, our love had grown stronger, and I knew we could face anything together.

Just then, Aydin came running towards us, his little legs pumping as fast as they could. He threw himself into Kenan’s arms, giggling. Kenan lifted him up and settled him on his lap.

"Daddy, don’t be mad at Mommy," Aydin said, his big eyes looking seriously into Kenan’s. "She just wanted me to be happy."

Kenan’s expression softened as he looked at Aydin, then at me. "I know, buddy. I was wrong to get so angry. I’m not mad anymore."

Aydin nodded, satisfied. "Good. Because I love Mommy, and I love you too."

Kenan hugged Aydin close, his eyes meeting mine over our son’s head. "We both love you very much, Aydin."

"And we love you too, Kenan,” I added, feeling a swell of gratitude and love for the little family we had built together.

[artiststarme]

The Party Forgets Steve's Birthday

Thank you for the prompt @nburkhardt ! I hope it meets your expectations!

Now with a Part 2!

~*~*~*~

Steve was used to being forgotten. His parents regularly left for months at a time without regarding him at all, his old friends at school had only ever seemed to remember him when they wanted to use his house to throw a party, and his own girlfriend conveniently forgot about him when she chose to sleep with the guy that gave him his first concussion. He was well past being surprised when people neglected to think about him. 

So he really shouldn’t have been surprised when everyone forgot his birthday. 

He woke up the morning of his twentieth birthday to an empty house and an even emptier heart. Just like every other day, his parents were off on a business trip ignoring his existence. They hadn’t even left him a message congratulating him on making it to twenty, a feat Steve never thought he would accomplish. The mailbox was just as empty as it always was and it was like Steve didn’t exist to his parents at all. He didn’t know why he expected anything different. He’d been ignored, cast aside by them, his entire life and he still had the gall to expect things to change. 

Steve had a shift at Family Video at 4 until close so he had to change out of his pajamas eventually. But right up until the moment he had to leave, he sulked from the comfortable nest of blankets on his couch. He grieved the loss of love from his parents that, looking back, may have never existed in the first place. 

He also waited for his friends to call. Eddie, Robin, Nancy, or Jonathan had to know it was his birthday today. He’d told them enough times and Robin had called him a “troublesome Taurus” at least once. The older teens may not have enough excitement over just another birthday to come over to his house but surely they would call. But as time marched on, his phone sat silent despite his staring at it. 

Well, he was seeing Robin at work so she was probably just waiting to tell him in person. And maybe the others were throwing a surprise party for him. The Party threw a birthday party for each one of the members on their special day so maybe it was Steve’s turn this year to be introduced to the tradition. After the horrific Spring Break from hell, he thinks he deserved it. 

While the Party was fine now, this encounter with the Upside Down had been their worst yet. Max was in a coma for two weeks before she woke up but the repercussions of Vecna’s mind-melt were permanent. She was now blind and she still hadn’t managed to leave her wheelchair over a month later. 

Eddie was ambushed by demobats and ripped apart even though his job was supposed to be the decoy that was out of danger. Steve had to give him CPR to restart his heart through the shock then had to sprint with him out of the Upside Down and into the nearest car in the Rightside Up, a car that he had to hotwire with Eddie’s minimal guidance. Then they had to clear his name with the police and townspeople that wanted nothing more than the outcast to go down for a crime he didn’t commit. 

And Steve. While his injuries were less severe than the others, his skin would always show the scars from the demobats. His neck was still blemished and his abdomen was sunken where the bats tried to use him as a meal. Mentally, his self-confidence was gone and he had nightmares every night about the feel of the teeth tearing through his flesh. He almost didn’t make it out of there this time which made this birthday all the more special. 

When he walked into the video store for his shift, all of the kids and Eddie were there. Steve had the brief thought that they were probably putting their final touches on the surprise party but that passed quickly once they turned to look at him. 

“Oh look, your esteemed babysitter is here which means he can deal with you. Now, if you don’t mind I’m going to go hang out with other grownups instead of sticking around with you children. Bye now!” Robin told them dramatically, waggling her fingers in their faces. She turned to Steve, “hey Dingus, your children have been trying to rent a rated R film for the past twenty minutes. You deal with that while I go on my date with Vickie. Toodles!”

Steve didn’t even have time to say anything in response before she made her way to the back to clock out and left his sight. He was still watching where she used to be when he heard a throat clear. It was fucking Dustin, of course it was. The little bastard had a smug smirk on his face and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Gross dude, no. I keep telling you that it's not like that with Robin and I. Get your head out of the gutter,” Steve told him, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

“We can see how you look at her! It’s not rocket science, Steve. Just ask out the pretty girl already and stop being a lonely loser,” Dustin told him in a sarcastic tone. The other kids nodded while Eddie left to awkwardly look through the horror aisle full of movies he’d already seen. That fucker knew Robin was a lesbian and was just leaving him to suffer through this alone, on his birthday no less. 

“Look, I’m not talking about this today and I’m not renting you a tape that’s rated R. Is that all you’re here for?” Maybe this was a ruse and they were going to shower him with birthday wishes. 

“Oh come on! Eddie can rent it for us under his name!” Dustin whined. 

“I said no.”

"But-" Dustin started.

“Whatever, let’s go guys. Steve’s just being an asshole today,” Lucas said from his spot near the door. 

Will tucked his head down instead of acknowledging the asshole comment but still agreed, “we can go to the arcade!”

“Steve’s an asshole everyday. Today he’s just being unhelpful. If we wanted someone useless, we should’ve asked my dad,” Mike sneered at him. 

Being compared to Ted Wheeler was too much for Steve and the brats were starting to give him a headache. “Whatever dipshits, get out of my store. Go bother someone that cares. Bye!”

With some angry mumbles and grumbles, they shuffled out and made their way to the arcade (or so Steve assumes). Eddie poked his head out from the horror aisle then and upon seeing the coast was clear, hopped up to situate himself on the counter. “You having a bad day then?”

Steve sighed, “yeah you could say that. They were starting to give me a headache.”

Eddie hummed and poked Steve’s leg with his toe. “What’s up with you today? You seem… mad. Did something happen?”

Steve wasn’t mad, he was disappointed. He was disappointed that he didn’t mean as much to anyone else as they meant to him. The Party was his family but he was just an inconvenience to them. That was a common theme in life and many people have told him that through the years. His parents, Tommy and Carol, Nancy, some of the girls he’d taken on dates. Every single one of them considered him to be an inconvenience at best, a disappointment at worst. 

He really thought that he’d collected a good group of friends over the past few years that would treat him better, that didn’t just want to use him but loved him as he did them. Apparently not. 

He said as much to Eddie. “Do you ever feel like you mean something to someone and then it turns out that you don’t matter as much as you think you do?”

Eddie’s face twisted and he pulled a chunk of hair to cover his mouth. But he still nodded slightly before clearing his throat and answering his question. “Um yeah, I feel that way around you guys all the time.” 

Steve shot him an alarmed look but he continued. “It’s not meant to be a dig at you or anything! You guys have all been friends for so much longer that it just, it still feels like I’m an outsider still. You know?”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I feel like that too, man.” Eddie went to cut him off but he continued speaking. “No, seriously! It just feels like no one gives a shit about me even after all these years. Like, I woke up today thinking everyone was going to be calling me and coming over, just making a big deal all around, but no one did. I mean, it’s not like anyone’s ever done anything big for my birthday before but I just. I expected people to care this year.”

Eddie’s face slowly paled the more Steve spoke until his skin was practically translucent. “It’s your birthday today?”

“Yeah,” Steve chuckled sardonically. “I finally made it to the big 2-0. I kinda expected to have a party today since everyone else in the Party got one for their birthday but it’s fine. Even now I’m still just the babysitter, I guess.” 

Tears started to well in Eddie’s eyes and he lunged behind the counter to give Steve a hug. “Stevie, big boy, I’m so sorry! You deserve so much more than just a party today, baby. And you’re so much more than just the babysitter. You’re family to all of us, man.”

Steve shrugged again, “maybe that’s the problem. My family has never liked me either so that’s probably the case here too. It’s fine, I got my hopes up and I shouldn’t have. No one’s ever cared before so why would they start now?”

Eddie went to speak but a customer came in. Steve took their presence as a sign and pushed Eddie gently away from behind the counter. “I have to go help them, Eddie. See yourself out, okay? I’ll see you later.”

And then he was off to do his job and ignore the fact that Eddie was still watching him with tears in his eyes. He had other things to deal with today than Eddie’s hurt feelings. Like helping customers and trying to stomp down the soul-crushing disappointment in his chest. After all, what else could he have expected for his birthday?

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[raven-fucks-around-and-writes]

𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Earth 42!miles x GN! reader

Warnings: breakup, hurt/no comfort, angst fr

Word count: 967

you hoped and prayed that miles would show up to your christmas family dinner. 

please fucking let him show up for once. it seemed like he was never there for you these days. 

today was supposed to be the day he met your extended family, along with your parents and a few friends. he had been distant recently, which led to you having several sleepless nights wondering if you had did something wrong

as the evening went on, you earned pitied looks from your cousins as the knot in your stomach grew with time

you had to be real with yourself at some point. he wasn't coming.

"I'm sorry honey, we were all excited to meet him" your dad said, softly patting your shoulder

"it's fine, i'm not sure what i was expecting anyway." 

you suddenly stood up from the chair you were sitting in, gaining everyone's attention 

"i'm sorry everyone, but i think i'm going to go lay down. it's been a long day"

the moment you closed your door, the tears began to fall. deep down, you wondered why you put up with him. it was humiliating to make promises to people, saying he'd be there, saying he cares about you, saying he loved you. everyone knew that was a damn lie. 

you sniffled and picked up your phone, dialing your boyfriend's number as you sank down to the floor and waited for that familiar deep voice that used to be comforting.

"..hello?" 

you hesitated for a moment, the knot in your stomach tightening at the nonchalant way he responded

"miles, where were you today? you said you'd be here, right?"

"mhm, I got caught up in work, sorry. it's not like i missed anything important"

more tears began to fall as your heart broke at the sentence, everyone was right and you knew it all along. 

"you know what, miles?" you could barely get the words out, choking back sobs

"don't call me. don't come over, don't worry about meeting my family. all you care about is yourself, right? you're fucking selfish. i waited for months for you to act like you gave 2 fucks about me, and you never did."

your finger hovered over the red hangup button, your last flame of hope dying out due to the silence on the other end. "it's over."

after you wait a couple of seconds, you hung up and slid down to the floor, clasping your hand over your mouth to stifle your sobs. how did you get here? you couldn't sleep whatsoever, and through the hours of the remaining night you thought of the course of your relationship, eventually drifting off into a slumber.

-----

 the next few days were miserable and tear-filled, which earned concerned looks from your family. you had spent the day packing up everything that reminded you of *him*, though it wasn't helping you feel any better. at some point, you came across some of his things, like his hoodies that you had worn during late night talks, polaroid pictures that you two had taken together, gifts he had gotten you and various keepsakes. how did you fucking get here? at some point, you knew he'd have to come collect his things. 

2 days later, you called him.

his house was about 30 minutes from yours, so you had time to prepare. it had been 7 few days since you broken up, 2 days since you decided to call him to collect his stuff. your hands were shaking as you packed his belongings into a box, this is better for you, you know it is. as soon as you move on, the better. out of sight, out of mind. 

that was until the doorbell rang, indicating his arrival.

"do you need some support?" your mom peeked around the corner, flashing a concerned look in your direction. 

"i think i've got it, mom, thank you." truth be told, you weren't so confident about seeing him again. that painfully familiar knot was twisting in your gut once more

as you opened it, the painful memories hit you like a tidal wave. his brown eyes, how securely he used to hold you at night when you cried, his smile.

fucking hell, you couldn't do this. it was supposed to be a brief exchange, but it got overwhelming so damn fast. trying to keep tears from welling up, you took a deep breath and tried to stifle down the feeling of regret that was building up the longer you looked at him. 

"do you have my stuff or?" he looked at you expectantly. it was like you hadn't even broken up.

just hearing his voice made you realize how badly you still wanted to be with him. but is it it too late for you to work? you didn't really give him the chance to speak on the phone..

you hesitated for a minute "miles, look, i'm sorry for blowing up without letting you talk.."

"nah, you're all good. it's better for both of us"  that's it? had he been unhappy the whole time? were you just a forgotten nuisance to him? 

"no, miles, i'm sorry. i should've let you explain, it was unfair and i think we could fi-"

"[name], stop. you were right, it's not working in between us. i'm better off without you, and, well, you can handle being without  me."

his nonchalant words pierce you like 1000 knifes. your heartbeat was in your ears, and you didn't feel in control of your words

"miles.. i still love y-"

"and i loved you. we're in the past now, it's time to let us go." 

you were stunned, and with that, he took his opportunity to pull his things from your hands and leave.

you crumpled to your knees soon after that, sobbing quietly 

dont forget, reblogs help writers and likes dont do shit!😭

[dmercer91]

the one idea that won’t leave my head is black cat!reader having a horrible day, and not caring who’s around, she’s laser focused on finding luca, and she just clings to him

and maybe there’s tears involved, maybe there’s not, but either way, she (accidentally) let’s a few of the boys see her for her

the team loves!!!! landen

so much

and they all want to comfort her so bad (the only one that tries is mark. no thoughts, head empty)

after the whole ordeal she and luca are at home and she’s like 😟 they saw me emote

i also realized after reading this that i’ve never given any context as to who the fuck lola is so! lola is landen’s ex girlfriend. they’d initially got the apartment that lan is living in with luca this year together and then landen found out that lola was cheating on her and had never really been wlw to begin with.

lola was bicurious and her friend group had told her to use landen as a test. she’d realized after the first night that she wasn’t actually bi, but continued to drag lan on because landen loves really hard and she would’ve done anything for lola

after the breakup- landen shut down and locked lola out of the apartment with bags of most of her stuff at the front door. the bags were taken and lola never got her stuff back.

lan felt really guilty about it but luca and adam have both told her a million times that it wasn’t her fault, she was upset and if anything the bags being taken was karma

when landen started having luca over at the apartment, they ordered food and lola ended up being their delivery driver. she figured this was her chance to get her things back and when luca opened the door lola got extremely jealous and pretty much refused to believe that landen could be with him

landen took that really personally, cause she honestly has a little bit of an insecurity that she’s not the typical hockey gf and that she’s in over her head

she took the food and slammed the door in lola’s face and she absolutely refuses to speak to her.

she often comes up to lan at parties and on campus to try and tell her off and threaten to sue- which only started after she found out about luca

landens offered to pay her off and luca has even told lola and her boyfriend several times that everything was a complete accident, but they think the worst of landen and refuse to believe it

feeling too hard | opposites attract au, lf63

landen walked into yost with her head down, looking at the shoes she walked by until she saw a pair she knew belonged to someone she’d be comfortable looking at, or talking to

when she saw seamus’, she paused, eventually deciding that if it wasn’t gonna be luca himself, or at least rutger- she was gonna take someone she knew would help.

she looked up, seamus immediately stopping in his tracks at the tears that were welted in her eyes.

“luca. i’m getting luca, one sec, lan,” he rushed, spinning in the direction of the dressing room and going right to lucas cubby

by the time the boys had reached her again, she was sat with her legs crossed on the floor and her head hung. luca kneeled in front of her, her body immediately shifting forward so her head was on his shoulder.

he adjusted, taking her arms and wrapping them around his neck as he sat down, pulling her into his lap and kissing her temple

“what’s wrong, pretty? what happened?” he murmured softly, seamus having left the two of them to talk with some semblance of privacy

“i’m so tired, lu. i didn’t sleep last night cause of my presentation, which went horrible, cause she prof kept cutting me off to tell me to talk louder,” she started, slouched against him in complete exhaustion

“n’ then i worked from 10-6 and everyone was so mean today, it was really busy. someone pushed cudo and then knocked over all his food. a lot of people just kept arguing and i was alone today,” luca frowned to himself, knowing that she’d probably not be so upset had she been the only one affected

she could take a lot on herself- but the minute someone she loves is facing the same feelings she shuts down. everything falls and the stuff she’d already gone through only piled onto her frustrations

cudo was one of her favourite things in the world

“lola came to the store at the end of my shift.” she said, and luca froze. his hand stopped gliding up and down her back and his lips parted in shock.

“i just wanted to be left alone and so i just stood there and let her talk and then i walked away mid conversation and went on auto pilot to get here. i just needed to see you and everything is happening all at once and i don’t-“ she took a deep breath, trying to collect herself before the tears trapped on her waterline started to fall

“i haven’t been this overwhelmed in a long time and i’m feeling too many feelings and i want it all to stop,” she breathed out, sniffling into his shoulder and closing her eyes tight.

luca squeezed her closer, heart aching as he felt her finally start to cry, her body shaking in his arms.

“shh, angel. i’ve got you,” he whispered, holding the back of her head and keeping his lips pressed to her nose, kissing in between his sweet nothings.

he pulled the hat off his head, brushing her bangs back out of her face and putting his hat on her, backwards so that the hair would stay out of her face. he tightened it, fixing his hair slightly

“there, pretty. got your hair out of your face. i can get you something to eat? or i can have shea bring you my sweater,” she just nodded, looking up at him from his shoulder with shiny eyes and a sad look.

“alright, come on,” he helped her up, pressing a kiss to her lips before guiding her over to where they kept all the food, some of the guys that had been eating eyeing them a little.

she grabbed a bottle of water, a fruit cup and a granola bar, looking up at luca to confirm that she was ready to go back out to the hallway.

“i gotta get my gear on, pretty. but i’ll bring you my sweater and you can go sit on the bench. know you get hot, and the sound of our skates might drown out that head of yours’ hm?” she nodded, pulling him down to kiss her lips again

once she’d gotten his sweater, she made her way to the ice and sat cross legged on the bench, opening up her granola bar.

mark was the first one to get out onto the ice, taking a lap and then stopping at the bench.

“do i have to fight anyone? i’ll fight someone.” he joked, giving her a dumb grin as she chewed on her snack and eyed him, unsure.

“god?” his smile widened, and he nodded

“and i’d win,” he winked, taking off for another lap as she looked at her lap, fighting a smile.

[svgvru]

nsfw hcs for buggy??? (sub buggy)

✮ 𝗦𝗨𝗕𝗕𝗬 𝗕𝗨𝗚𝗚𝗬! submissive headcanons of the genius jester, buggy the clown!

𝗗𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗖𝗧! ꒰ buggy d. clown / dom, m!reader ꒱: hairpulling, degrading, praise, spanking, voyeurism, incorrect use of his devil fruit, idk be cautious. ꒰ n: thi is like my 5th buggy request. yall love him sm lol. also, there r hints towards the 2nd kinktober buggy fic ꒱

𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇... the fact buggy is needy. that man is deprived of love, affection, and attention. yellow chrysanthemums are his flower. never has he been granted the affection that he desperately craves and needs. that deprivation translates into the bedroom as well. and one fact is that because of that neediness, or that clingyness, leads to: obsession, possessiveness, and idiocy. your affection. your attention. your love, matters over everything else. and again, that translates into the bedroom. he'll do something downright stupid to get you to fuck him.

buggy can and will be a bratty little shit. but he'll be a submissive, whining baby as soon as once you put him in his place. he'll whine and cry when you give him tender kisses and deep slow thrusts. an "i love you" would make him cum.

he'll purposefully irritate you. whether that be not doing something you've asked of him, rubbing up on another crew member, or fucking with you throughout the day with his devil fruit. "hey gimme a hand will ya?!" there's a little tap on your shoulder and you turn to see a severed hand waving at you. "BUGGY—" "COMING!!"

he'll be a brat and boast about how you can't "handle him" until you to manhandle him to the bed and bully your cock into him.

despite how much he seems to distaste pain, he loves it when you inflict pain onto him. no matter how big or small.

when you step on his cock for not doing what you asked? he's sobbing, but he can't help but buck his hips towards your boot and he'll cum when you press down harder. his chest will be stuttering and his makeup is dripping down his face from the tears, he's promising "i won'do it 'gain!" but you know damn well he's going to.

if you can't tell, he's somewhat of a masochist. but of course, he has limits, don't push him too hard. though, you'll likely allow him to pick the safeword and he'll pick something related to the circus. it'll be stupid as hell, but it catches your attention. and while engaging in his kinks, its something you desperately need. because he's dirty. when he first told you his kinks he was nervous how what think of him after. some of his kinks 'n things he's into are likely something like:

degradation / humiliation; ꒰ despite how much he seems like he hates it. when it comes from you, he's hard. call him a whore and he's shaking while shooting ropes. dirty talk to him while showing him off??? ꒱

voyeurism; ꒰ speaking of showing him off. he has this large fantasy of you fucking him on his "throne" in front of an audience. his victims will see more than just his terrifying smile. dirty talk while your fucking him in front of these unsuspecting people? "oh? you like this don't you, bugs?" "you like being shown as a whore to them?" it'll only get worse if you interact with the audience. "what are you doing? clap. your showrunner deserves some praise for cumming, yes?" ꒱

praise; ꒰ while he's whore for degradation. praise will have him going insane. yes, calling him demeaning names could bring him to tears, praising him will have him sobbing. y'know how i said that his love deprivation translates into the bedroom? being tender with him, pressing kisses all over his face, especially on his nose?? "good job, bugs." "your doing so good baby, keep going." "mhm, you were super flashy and strong today." "that's my boy." "good boy..." affirmation that he's doing okay, that's he's so handsome and fantastic will have him cumming and sobbing in your arms. ꒱

mirror sex; ꒰ his devil fruit 100% allows him the option to watch from afar. seeing the buldge from your cock appear and disappear. but even if its just full nelson, which he loves btw, he loves having a mirror in front him to watch you fuck him ꒱

oral fixation; ꒰ for some reason, buggy with an oral fixation comes into play. but of course he gets ashamed about it, because his nose often gets in the way of giving you head or anything else like that. one thing his nose doesn't in the way off is your fingers. he loooves sucking on your fingers. he gets ecstatic when you ask him to, needing to stretch him out of course. he whines when you pull your fingers from his lips. he needs something in his mouth at all times. when your plowing into him from behind he'll laying on the pillow with two of your fingers in his mouth. im telling you he does! don't get me started on making afab!buggy taste himself once you've fingered him! ꒱

creampies; ꒰ amab! or afab! he's in love with the idea of you filling him up. doesn't even have to be about breeding or pregnancy, he'll have you cum in him so he can feel "warm inside." he'll make creampie joke if he's amab! ꒱

spanking; ꒰ he enjoys some of the punishments you give him. specifically, spanking. he did obey you one particular time and you bent him over your knee, spanking him till his ass was red and raw. he was sobbing, but there was pool of cum on the floor from him. with your hand or a belt, he's loosing it. imagine he was afab! slapping his pretty clit until he came. even as amab! slap his tip, which is super sensitive, and he's shooting ropes. ꒱

CBT; ꒰ speaking of slapping his tip, and like i mentioned earlier stepping on his cock, it gets him hard. bulling his poor cock will having him screaming and crying for you to stop, but he'll never actually say the safeword. he'll let you bully him allllll you want to and make a mess of himself with cum! ꒱

hair pulling; ꒰ he has alll of that hair! why not pull on it. like i said with the pain thing, everytime you pull his hair he'll let out the sweetest whimper and allow to pull him to wherever. this has the biggest affect when your fucking him from behind. pulling his hair and making him form a perfect arch while you plow into him?? his eyes are rolling back and his tongue is lolled out. he just genuinely likes you manhandling him. ꒱

choking or just manhandling; ꒰ just like with hair pulling, choking is the same thing. over all, he enjoys you pulling and slapping him around. yank him towards the bedroom, pull him by his hair, pick him up and bring him somewhere. simply bullying him to do something will him hard. ꒱

now the positions he's into are something else. he'll likely be into anything, and his devil fruit allows him to try anything. he does have favorites. certain positions will have him cumming in seconds actually. his favorite position you put him ꒰ from favorite to least favorite ꒱ are likely "basic ones" but here:

doggy; ꒰ esp. when you shove him head into the pillow and rail him. your tip shoving into his prostate. he's moaning around your fingers n shaking. this one is likely his favorite. ꒱

full nelson; ꒰ his second favorite is full nelson. he's surprisingly flexible and can take the position very well. whether it be watching through a mirror, or forcing his head to be pointed down so he watches you fuck him. that gets him cumming quickly. this is 100% his second favorite. ꒱

mating press; ꒰ mostly because of the "being filled" thing. he may or may not have a breeding kink, but if he does this position does wonders. he's in love with it. especially if he has a cunt?? your cock feels so much deeper n big in this position. often times he'll beg you to put him in a mating press. ꒱

spooning; ꒰ while some of the other ones offer great intimacy, he values the intimacy of this one the most. its the best for sleep sex too! which he really loves. he loves you holding him so tenderly, this is a time where the love deprivation translates. if he's not in the mood for something extreme, he'll as you to hold him gently n fuck him to sleep. ꒱

overall, he's a whore for your attention ꒰ and cock ꒱. most nights are likely tender and lovey dovey nights, especially if something had gone wrong, maybe a plan or something. so its typical for him to be a little whiny n clingy when things like that happen. just shove some fingers in his mouth and fuck him good, he'll shut up.

꒰ n: i promise you im in love with him n i got srsly carried away making this ꒱

[leasstories]

I Need You Here With Me

Eddie x gn !reader (Eddie is 21 and reader 23)

TW: Reader is insecure; mention of emotional abuse and neglect; past abuse/toxic relationships

WC: ≈2.2K

January 28th, 1988

You grew up in a really messed up household. Your dad was an alcoholic who always told you to act tough and your mom spent your life, until you decided to break off all ties with them. You were never good enough for her, and when your feelings got the best of you, your dad would blame you and call you a crybaby.

This childhood didn’t allow you to develop a self-esteem. You never feel confident and since you’ve been dating Eddie, you’ve never felt good enough for him. Another consequence of your troubled childhood is that you’ve been looking for love from anyone who could give it to you, and that’s how, before meeting Eddie, you’ve been in several toxic relationships. Relationships that broke you even more. When you’re dating someone, when you love someone, you’d do anything for them. That’s something that toxic people seemed to notice. And that’s how, before Eddie, you’ve had your fair share of abusive boyfriends and friends who took advantage of you.

Eddie and you met in January 1987, your boyfriend of the time was invited to the same New Year Party as Eddie and brought you along with him. You were his little “trophy” in public. In private though, you were his punching ball. Eddie found you on the owner’s house bathroom sobbing. He carefully approached you and asked you what happened. It was the first time ever that someone noticed that your life wasn’t perfect and so you literally did trauma dumping on him. Later, Eddie helped you break up with your boyfriend, protected you from him and offered you a place to stay.

A few months later, when you started healing from your past relationship, in March, Eddie and you started dating and officially became partner in April. But with your baggage, you don’t know how to navigate a healthy relationship, and you’re clingy. You’re conscious that you might be too clingy for Eddie. It isn’t healthy. But you don’t know how to love, you’ve never been loved before and no one taught you how to love properly. And you know you and your baggage might be a bit too much, especially since he is younger than you.

Don’t get us wrong here, Eddie has his own baggage. He has had a very difficult childhood and he experienced something in 1986 that gave him the physical and mental scars he has, but he never told you what happened. All you know is that he often wakes up screaming. But his baggage is easy to handle for you. All you want is to give him the world, protect him and be there for him 24/7.

Eddie is currently grocery shopping. Today, he went alone because he heard from a friend of his that your ex is back in town for the weekend which means he won’t let you go out of the weekend.

As soon as Eddie left, you tried reading your book, but you miss him too much, you can’t focus. You know that your boyfriend should be able to go grocery without you missing him. You know that. You also feel that you being clingy annoys Eddie, you’re afraid it’ll scare him away. You start overthinking and feeling insecure, thinking the real reason Eddie went grocery shopping alone was because he was fed up with you. You start imagining the worse scenarios, telling yourself that it is too good to be true. You can’t be with a man like Eddie Munson. You don’t deserve him. And how can he love you? How can you be loved? You wonder. You even go as far as to imagine that he might never come back from grocery shopping. You get stuck in your own head to the point that you don’t hear Eddie come back in the house.

“Baby?” Eddie asks.

You do not answer, you don’t even hear him.

“Baby?” Eddie says while entering the living room.

Eddie sees you, dissociated and sat on the couch, tears prickling at your eyeline.

He crouches down in front of you and take your hand in his, that’s when you notice his presence, you can’t help yourself and hug Eddie, what Eddie finds unusual, is that as soon as you realize what you did you leave Eddie’s arms and avoid his stare. Eddie caresses your knees, knowing that it is one of the things that reassures you the most. You still avoid his gaze and get up, not caring his hand is on your knee.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Eddie asks.

You turn to him, eyes shining with tears. “Am I too much?” you ask, voice trembling.

“Hey, hey, hey, look at me” Eddie tells you reassuringly.

You shake your head no, eyes glued to your feet.

“Hey baby, you are not too much…” Eddie softly tells you.

“Am I not enough?” You shyly ask.

“No!” Eddie says raising his voice, which makes you flinch.

When you flinch, Eddie takes a step back and looks at you apologetically, but you don’t see it, your eyes still fixed on your feet, tears running down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry baby, I shouldn’t have raised my voice… I’m so sorry.” Eddie is distraught by your sudden self-doubt. Eddie knows about your childhood and your past relationships, but you’ve never felt insecure with him, or at least you never voiced it. He doesn’t know how to handle the situation. He isn’t mad at you, he is mad at your parents, at your previous partners and friends who used you, mistreated you and made you feel unloved.

“’S fine” you say while sniffling. “’m sorry I upset you…” Now you feel even more like a burden, you’ve managed to upset the only person who showed you nothing but love.

“Hey, hey, stop that. You didn’t upset me love. It’s not you who upset me. It’s just the idea that your parents and past relationships broke you so much that you need to ask me such questions as if you are too much or not enough.” Eddie says, in a calmer tone.

“’m sorry” you say again, still sniffling.

“What are you sorry for honey?” Eddie asks, trying to be as comprehensive and patient as possible.

“’m too clingy and it might make you run away… I don’t know how to love Eddie… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry” you keep repeating.

Eddie takes a step toward you and when he sees you don’t flinch or move away, he put his hand on your cheek.

“Stop apologizing baby. Listen to what I have to say and don’t cut me off, can you do that for me.” Eddie kindly asks.

You nod, still sniffling, tears still running down your cheeks.

“Good, that’s good.” Eddie says. “You remember when we weren’t a couple. Every time you didn’t sleepover in my room, I found it hard to sleep and every time we are apart, there is a pain in my heart that won’t go away. You’re clingy? Maybe, but I love it and even if I could, I would change nothing about it. Trust le when I say that I love you the way you are. And I know you have trust issues, I know you have had a difficult past, but I want to help you see that you are loveable. I want you to see that I love you and that I’d never hurt, neglect, nor abandon you.” Eddie continues.

“I’m sorry for being such a crybaby…” you say while wiping your tears.

“You’re not a crybaby love, you are traumatized. You have to acknowledge that, and I’ll help you acknowledge it, I’ll help you heal from that, I promise to be here every step of the way.” Eddie tells you.

“I’m sorry for not knowing how to love properly…” you tell Eddie.

“None of that baby, you love me properly, of course you still have things to learn, but I feel loved by you. And you know my past with my family, you know about my High School years, not a lot of people loved me, but I’ve always felt it. And I feel it coming from you.” Eddie explains.

“Does that mean the fact that I’m telling you that I love you so many times a day is annoying? Suffocating?” you shyly ask.

“Baby, you’re always saying the words I want to say. It is not suffocating. You could tell me you love me every single second that I wouldn’t feel it suffocating.” Eddie reassures you.

“What about the excess of physical touch?” You ask, still insecure.

“Baby… I need you here with me, at all times. The closer the better.” Eddie tells you.

“But I’m clingy…” you repeat once again.

“And deep down, I’m as clingy as you, I just try to hide it.” Eddie tells you with nothing but love in his eyes.

“’m sorry for getting all worked up… I just missed you so much while you went grocery shopping that I imagined the worse scenarios possible. I got stuck in my own head.” You tell Eddie, ashamed.

“Don’t apologize baby. I know your past and I should have known what as wrong as soon as I arrived home and I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I know it’ll take time for you to realize that it is true, that we are made to last. If I need to repeat it every single day for the rest of my life I will.” Eddie tells you while caressing your cheek.

“Can I ask why?” you ask.

“Why what?” Eddie asks.

“Why did you talk to me at that New Years Party?” you ask, unsure.

“For three reasons: first one I found you so gorgeous. Second reason, I saw you were sad, I was actually looking for you and when I found you in the bathroom it wasn’t just a coincidence. Third reason: your boyfriend didn’t even acknowledge your sadness and he didn’t even look for you when you left so I thought someone had to.” Eddie earnestly answers.

“Thank you… thank you so much for everything you did for me Eds. I’m sorry I’m not a better partner…” You apologetically tell him. You need him to know how grateful you are to have him in your life.

“Thank you for allowing me to be your boyfriend, for allowing me to love you, for letting me help you. You’ve come so far since the first time we met. Yes, you are my insecure little baby, but you became stronger, you became happier. I want to make up for all the assholes who treated you badly in the past. I want to help you heal; I want to help you blossom.” Eddie says before softly kissing your lips. You kiss him back, putting your hand in his hair. You both make out until you can’t breathe and then reluctantly part. Eddie put a strand of hair behind your hear and smiles softly at you.

“So, do you still believe I’m gonna leave my little baby heal all alone?” Eddie asks.

“It might take time for me to fully believe it. But you reassured me a lot so thank you. Thank you for being so patient with me…” You tell Eddie.

“Baby, I’ll always be patient with you. I love you so so much. And now it’s my time to thank you. Thank you for trying your best every day. Thank you for accepting me how I am, with my qualities and my flaws. Thank you for being patient with me when I have a nightmare and for never asking about what happened to me in March of ’86. You’re the most respectful, loving and caring person I’ve ever known, and I fall with you even more every single day.” Eddie declares.

You start quietly sobbing in your hand, this time you’re not crying because of anxiety or pain, no, you’re crying because of Eddie’s speech, because of how much he loves you and how much you love him.

“’m sorry for being a crybaby…” you say once again.

Eddie hugs you and gently whisper in your ear. “You’re not a crybaby, you’re sensitive, there’s a difference. You’re allowed to cry and to let your emotions out. It’s healthy and normal baby.” Eddie says while caressing your back, still hugging you.

Once you part Eddie asks. “Will cuddling in bed make you feel even better?”.

As soon as you nod, Eddie throws you over his shoulder and walk to your shared bed. He lays you on the bed and joins you on the bed, opening his arms. You crawl towards him and put your head on his chest, listening to his heart beating. Eddie loves having you in his arms, as he already told you and will remind you for as long as you’re insecure, his love language is physical touch. If he could, Eddie would never part from you, he would stay in this bed, cuddling with you forever.

Eddie is the first ever person to make you feel loved, he is the first ever person to treat you with respect. He is the first partner to ever love you and treat you as his equal. You know it’s going to take time to fully believe it, but for the first time ever, you allow yourself to dream of an entire life with Eddie.

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

Can I Stay? (A Baekhyun Story) Part 7.

Pairing: You x Baekhyun

Rating: M

Word Count: 7.4K

Warnings: Gentle angst, Some tension and some romance between two adults with an unspecified age difference between them, an English story that uses the word Noona for lack of another word in English that carries the same feeling, if you don’t like this, then don’t read this story.

Author‘s note: remember all those years ago I said I’d write a Baekhyun x Noona fic? This is that fic.

Inspired by the Ray LaMontagne songs Can I Stay and Hold You in my Arms

Tag List: @andimoon @his-mochi-cheeks

Links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

There is nothing that soothes the human spirit quite like love.

And there is nothing that tests a delicate newborn relationship quite like being so unimaginably busy that all of your time and energy is funneled into just surviving a particularly tumultuous work day. There was simply nothing left after you were done. There was no spare time to even think, let alone entertain the idea of having even a moment to look into the eyes of the man you loved.

This was crunch time. This was the final stretch. You had been running nonstop since you walked into your office and your phone started ringing and very likely had already been ringing long before you even opened that door.

There had been some issues. There had been some fires to extinguish, some egos to stroke, and on the other side, some to soothe. Someone had made a mistake, someone else was crying, someone else had left something critical out and something else was corrupted and had to be rebuilt from the ground up with a staggering and impossible twelve hours to do it. Everything and anything that wasn’t work had to wait. You moved on autopilot. Somehow your brain knew exactly how to split this up so that the work got done. You delegated and you instructed and you knew this would work. You knew this had to work because the alternative was simply unacceptable. You could hear it in your voice as you instructed your team and their serious faces told you that they would also give it their all for the sake of this project's success. They knew that all of the efforts and blood, sweat, tears, and sleepless nights they had put forth up until this point would all be for nothing if at the very end of it, if at the last possible second everything went up in flames today.

There were several moments throughout the day when your mind sharpened in the middle of some soul suckingly heavy burden when you would look for him. The moments were short and fleeting, but when you looked for him, he was there. You just wanted to look into his eyes. You wanted a millisecond of comfort from them. You only wanted a small smile that could reassure you that this would pass, that this would be over soon if you only held on for a little bit. Those moments would be enough. You could withstand it.

He was just as busy as you were. Hell, he was the only reason why you were surviving this right now. Your heart ached to see the furrow of his brows or the rough hand rubbing over the back of his own neck to loosen some of his tension. He was running nonstop. You wished you could handle it all but you also felt so incredibly thankful that he was here with you.

It was always like this. Of course there would be unexpected things that went wrong, but many of these things that you were dealing with today could have been planned for. Most of this shit was predictable. It wasn’t like they were new to these kinds of projects. Why so many people in this industry left the most time sensitive and crucial tasks to the last minute you would never be able to make peace with but that didn't much matter when you were in the thick of it and your ass was on the line just as much as theirs was.

It wasn’t that you couldn’t get your part done. It was how incredibly avoidable all of this added stress could have been. You felt your temper flaring as you responded to the latest request that you push your already stressed out team even harder to clean up someone else’s mess. Even as you clearly recognized what this was. Some manager from some other department thought you seemed like a soft enough target that could be bullied or pushed around simply because you were a woman or because you walked around with that perfectly pleasant fake smile permanently attached to your face because you simply could not stomach the backlash from the alternative; people calling you a bitch because you were strong willed and no-nonsense and good at your job; people saying you were cold or an ice queen or probably just needed to get laid.

Clearly the last one couldn't be it because you’d just had the best sex of your life last night and you were still pissed off by today’s particular flavor of bullshit.

Your office door hadn’t been closed once. You hadn’t had a moment when you could just catch your breath, or even have a sip of the coffee that had grown cold on your desk. You didn’t have a second to close your eyes and cover your tired eyes with your hands and regroup your overtaxed emotions, there simply wasn’t any time for it. There were too many people fighting their own struggles that were relying on you to be the rock. People filed in and out like worker bees and you’d long since removed your shoes and your coat, pushed up your sleeves and got into the thick of it yourself. Your lungs worked to pull air into your body and oxygenate your blood and you were thankful that your heart kept beating without you having to think about it because you simply could not think about anything else. There was nothing in you left. You felt spread thin. You felt the gaps inside of your soul as you were stretched in six different places at once and occasionally and only when you could feel the darkness and the blackness that rimmed the edges of your vision beginning to grow and close up more of the light, there would be something to pull at you softly. Something tender and something healing and it was him. It was always him.

It would be a warm and discrete hand on your back, rubbing two or three circles into you. It would be a bump of a warm shoulder that leaned up against your own. It would be soft brown eyes that caught hold of your own flighty ones and he would pull his lips into a circle and motion with a single hand below his chin as if he were pulling something invisible down and out of himself. He would exhale an exaggeratedly slowed down breath, urging you to do the same. Telling you to breathe out slowly. Begging for your cooperation. When you would do it, you’d be rewarded with a microscopic wink and a smile. You were pretty sure this man was saving your life. And then on your desk there had been something small and tasty, wrapped in clear plastic cellophane with the words ‘eat me’ written on a sticky note on top of it and you had absentmindedly unwrapped it and eaten it, rewarded with another wink and a smile just when you did as he asked.

It had been hours of this. Your day had long ago turned into night time and you found yourself, impossibly, still at work. There had been a gradual but definite shift in the air as one by one, impossible tasks had been checked off. The progress had been astounding. You told them as much as the final check mark landed on the office whiteboard and the audible sighs of relief sounded out. You thanked them all from the bottom of your heart. You meant every word and one by one you were greeted with their tired smiling faces as they gave you their thanks for the work and the guidance and the war-like defensive you had taken to show each and every one of them that you had their back even despite mistakes or shortcomings, you would not let them be trampled on, all the while you concealed the black smudged footprints left behind on your own back as you took the brunt of it for them with a manic smile pushed onto your face and an undetectable to anyone but yourself, tremble in the hands that you gripped together so tightly behind your back.

But it was too much this time.

Everyone had to leave. Even - and especially your Assistant Baekhyun, who had stayed the longest of all; who lingered close beside you with a well concealed worried expression deep down inside his eyes despite the passive and pleasant smile on his face. Especially Baekhyun; who you had to practically push out the door, had gone. He had told you about some family dinner tomorrow. You used this as your fuel as you pushed. Something else too that he was committed to, you reminded him again and you insisted. He would be busy all day and you would hopefully be sleeping all day but he definitely had to go.

And he had gone.

A small flame of relief was burning inside of your chest. It wavered and flickered with the guilt over the desperation with which you had pushed him away.

As the final farewell sounded out and the noise and the din grew softer until you found yourself standing alone in front of the small sofa you kept in your office you could feel the stress and the worry that had been so all consuming finally beginning to leave your tired body and you knew it had been too much this time.

You weren’t sure if you’d be able to sleep at all either, despite how much you needed to but as the office lights were turned off and the last person had long ago left you could feel the weight of the force of gravity pulling hard at your arms.

It had been too much this time. You struggled to settle your chest and all the heavy breathing and rapid beating inside there. You made an effort to relax your jaw and with it you exhaled a slow breath through your mouth and you closed your eyes up. But, despite all of your efforts at reeling it in and calming your body, you could still feel a fire-like burning sensation cresting behind your closed eyelids. It was strong and it was relentless; that burning. Your eyelids trembled and they shivered against it and you squeezed tighter but still they quivered; refusing to stay still; refusing to stay quiet and that burning built and it crested until it reached a tipping point.

The first hot tears spilled over your lash line and they fell straight down. You saw the wet drop soak into the rug below your feet. All at once it came. Your breathing was ragged and your chest shook as you gasped in through the quiet sobs that overcame you in the dark silence of this room.

You were alone now. You could have this moment of terrible, awful weakness. You had allowed yourself so few of them in your life.

So you cried.

You cried for the stress of it all. You cried for the unimaginable struggle it was to stay on top of it all. You cried for the delicate line you had to walk as a woman in male dominated world. You cried because you had to smile all the fucking time whether or not you even wanted to smile at them. You cried for the others who didn’t have a strong sense of right and wrong who let themselves become doormats or who did not have the influence and the power to stand up for themselves and you cried until you had nothing left inside of you to cry about.

You cried until your crying changed. You recognized the dramatics and you cried feeling exactly as ridiculous about yourself right now as you were acting. You cried because you had a headache, and your feet hurt and your nose was stuffed up so you couldn't even breathe right and your stomach hurt and you were hungry goddammit.

You cried because you had thrown away two perfectly good dumplings at lunch two days ago because at the time you didn’t want to have to run two more miles on the treadmill to make up for the calories and why were you so obsessed with calories anyway? Stupid society putting you into a box and telling you that you had to look a certain way. Stupid wardrobe with your tight skirts and high heels that hurt and those delicious dumplings wasted and for what? You cried until you were numb and your makeup had been all washed away and there was nothing left to do but wash your face with cool water and press your cool fingertips over your eyes to help with the swelling.

Your eyelids were sore and your nose was red and stuffy but you could feel the relief of this. You knew sometimes it just had to come out of you and there was nothing quite like a good cry to reset your soul. As you walked through the office with your belongings in hand you could see everything around you with a brand new clarity, even despite the puffy eyelids.

You would stop for some dumplings for dinner on the way home. There was a 24-hour spot near the bus stop that had some great ones and you would eat the entire order this time. You would stuff yourself with so many dumplings until you were positively sick of them and then you would roll into your bed and you would sleep and sleep and you would dream of his pretty face and his soft lips and his long fingers and you wouldn’t wake up early tomorrow, you pulled your cell phone out to make a point of turning off every single alarm that was set. You even flippantly swore you would not look at your work cell phone once! Okay maybe only once or twice, let’s be real. You knew when you were being too much.

Your dinner was hot and delicious. The beer you had with it paired perfectly with the dramatic romance movie you found that had just started on your tv and you settled into your sofa letting your mind wander as the couple on screen shared their first passionate kiss. The man of this story was pretty handsy, but honestly the woman had been sending all of the right signals his way. What kind of rating did this have? You watched with bated breath and wide surprised eyes as the two of them, unable to deny their feelings of lust any longer, gave in to their most carnal desires — and right there at work. They were at the office! You felt weirdly exposed watching this. While it was tastefully shot and there wasn’t even much nudity, there was definitely something extremely forbidden about the way he leaned against her on the desk, pushed her skirt up and pushed his hips between her parted knees. Your skin was flushed and hot to the touch.

You had to turn it off. The layout of the office, the desk they hungrily consumed each other on and even the window with city view looked eerily similar to your own office. You’d already made a mistake in watching as much as you had. The last thing you needed to test your self control while working in the same office with your secret boyfriend, public personal assistant, was the image of pulling him down into you by his necktie for a steamy kiss or worse, of him greedily shoving your skirt up and pushing his hips between your thighs; taking you right then and there on your desk with your blinds closed and only a single lock on your office door to keep you from both being exposed.

Something was wrong with you. Clearly you had been a woman who had neglected her own personal needs for far too long. You were overtired and heavily influenced right now and it was probably best for everybody if you just went to bed.

The vibe in your bed was just as troublesome. He occupied your thoughts so entirely you wondered how anyone managed to get any sleep at all once they’d fallen in love.

A buzz on your cellphone pulled your hands down from your own lips where you swore you could still feel the memory of his kisses and you found waiting for you a text message from your very own ‘Assistant Byun’, as you had saved him in your phone on his first day.

‘Noona, did you get home safely?’

It was the simple kind of message that made you smile and you were quick with a reply letting him know that yes you were already home in your bed.

‘Did you eat?’

He was fretting and fawning over you like he did and you slipped into your photo gallery to send him the picture you’d snapped of your delicious dumplings that brought you all of the fresh and juicy happiness and delicious pleasure that only carbohydrates could bring.

‘I ate them all ^^’

You showed him proudly and you giggled into your hands to see the flood of sweet and silly emojis he sent in response.

You were still giggling when your phone started to ring and it took you only one second to recognize that this was a video phone call. Your bird lamp was illuminating your bare face and you hoped your eyes wouldn't still be swollen enough for him to notice.

When you pushed the button to answer you were instantly rewarded with his beauty. His warm brown eyes and his bright smile greeted you and you could tell that he was sitting somewhere that was well lit as he held the phone far enough away from his face so that you could see him well. It felt like a drug. You’d been so busy and so wrapped up in other things today that you had actually missed him, despite having been with his ultra professional work persona all day. You missed his lovely face and the way he looked at you and smiled with you and flirted with you.

You could see the preview of your own face in the corner of your phone screen and you winced at just how exhausted you looked. It made you want to turn away. You didn’t have any makeup on and you could clearly see how flushed your cheeks and nose still were from the crying. Your eyes were puffy and it made you look very tired and Baekhyun was watching your face from his screen as his smile sagged just a little bit and he leaned forward, clearly sitting up straighter in alarm.

You should not have answered the call. You should have made up some excuse like you were too tired for a chat, or you were about to jump in the shower, or you were about to dig a huge hole and bury yourself in the dirt. Of course he would see it and he would know.

“Baby,” his soft voice called out. It sounded just like disappointment. His brows furrowed and he licked his lips and bit down on the bottom one, holding his tongue, keeping whatever he was going to say after that to himself. You heard the concern all over his voice and it made you bite down on your lips as you looked away from the screen to blink your eyes quickly, willing from the small bit of returning emotions you felt threatening to just go away.

You pulled a smile to your face and he watched you with his forehead leaned onto his hand propped on an elbow. On his lips was a deep frown.

“I’m fine. I really am,” you whispered and forced the smile up higher so it touched your eyes too. He didn’t say anything but his eyes watched your face much too closely, no doubt coming to all sorts of conclusions on his own. You felt the wetness in your eyes again and you rolled your eyes around to spread the moisture, pleading with yourself that you wouldn't cry again. You’d had enough.

“You cried alone…after I left. When I was gone,” his statement was a whisper that made you close your eyes up. “I should not have left you.”

You were just so very tired and seeing that look on his face made you want to soothe his worries and whatever misplaced guilt you saw in his eyes. None of this, absolutely none of it, had anything to do with him. If anything, he had saved you countless times today.

You had to reassure him as best you could, so you gave in to the concerns and you opened your lips to speak calmly and clearly. You had to let him know that you were fine.

“I’m okay now. I did cry a little. Today was a lot and I felt much better after I ate.”

“I’m coming over,” he said abruptly, with his voice hitching in his throat as he suddenly sat up straighter. He said it so firmly and quite irrationally that it pulled a small chuckle out of you. The man was impossibly adorable.

“Baekhyun, you are not coming over. You have that family thing tomorrow and I am going to sleep.”

You heard an audible hmph from him and the video jostled as if he threw himself back down in his chair in a huff.

“I’ll stay on the phone with you until you sleep then.” His pout was very much visible on his face and his voice he spoke out his idea of a compromise. In reality it sounded like heaven. You shrugged as if you were giving into him and you let the natural smile form on your face as you laid your head down on your pillow, allowing just enough light to fall onto your face so the video was still visible to him.

You could see movement on his side. Your idle curiosity about what his home looked like had you watching the background as he seemed to be moving through one room and entering a darker space. You longed to see it in person. You were so curious about how he lived. You heard a soft click in here and there was a dim light that shone on his face now. He had a table lamp too, but you doubted it was as awesome as yours was.

“Let me see your lamp,” you couldn't help yourself. You heard his laughter and he turned the phone to face something bright and ultra modern looking. It was abstract with shapes like hexagons and it looked more like a piece of expensive modern art than any regular old table lamp. You gasped out loud covering your mouth. It was so cool. It probably cost way more than your bird.

“I like your bird lamp,” he said up close to his phone and you rolled your eyes at his attempt and sighed out loud. His lamp was so cool. You wondered if he had that modern style throughout his home and your eyes glanced around your room at the mishmash of bright colors and cutesy things that you selected not quite for their cohesion as a whole but simply because they brought you joy. One such corner in particular with the chair that you loved paired with a fluffy bubblegum pink ottoman that some might call ridiculous if they were just a little bit closed minded. It was your reading nook. Not that you had any time to read, but it was bright and bursting with color and potential and it was your favorite spot. You’d taken Maximalism to a whole other level here.

“Liar.” You said deep into your pout and he laughed out loud again.

“I like your bird. I like your pirate horse. I like your bedroom and I like whatever you have going on in that one specific corner of your bedroom. I like you. I like everything about you,” he said and you met his eyes as he laid his head down on a crisp white pillow case and turned his face toward the light source so you could see him clearly, just as you had done for him. If you allowed your mind to drift a little bit, it almost felt like he was here beside you. You could so easily look into his face and see the way his eyes blinked slowly and you could hear the way his breathing softened and evened out.

“He’s not a pirate. He was injured on the job and is waiting on a big fat worker’s compensation check to pay for his glass eye.” You could feel the sleepiness turning your imagination into overdrive and the sound of his laughter rang out making your phone speakers buzz as he threw his head back; your silly backstory for the painting that hung on your living room wall sending him into giggles.

“The grip you have on me is insane,” he said when his laughter calmed down and he looked deep into your eyes.

You watched him and he watched you until both of your eyelids began to sag and your blinks grew longer and longer.

“When can I see you again?” His words were slowing down. His eyes looked as heavy as yours felt. Your tongue felt thick and loose inside of your mouth and you could feel the sleep tickling up along your spine. You knew he saw you all day today and you knew that wasn’t what he was asking. You felt the same way deep in the middle of your stomach.

“I missed you today,” you said out loud what you had been thinking since you saw his face on your phone. “I missed you so much.”

He opened his eyes and a tiny smile crept in.

“I’m coming over,” he said again, this time in a dreamlike sleepy voice, not at all moving his head from his soft pillow. The thought made you hum out an appreciative sound and your lips pulled into a smile that sagged on your lips because of how sleepy you felt.

He inhaled a deep breath and his lips parted again, “I could hold you in my arms,” his dreamy words slipped across your pillow and planted delicate kisses on your closed eyelids and you could only hum again as he inhaled to speak once more, “I could hold you forever.”

His sweet whispered words danced behind your eyelids and carried you into your dreams where you met with him and his broad shoulders and strong arms. Where you danced with him and he held you and you melted and dissolved like butter in his unimaginable warmth.

Your Sunday had a late start.

The stress from yesterday's long day had taken a toll on your body and just as you had wanted to, you actually managed to sleep in. Your phone had a few messages waiting. A few work things, nothing urgent and nothing critical and two sweet messages from your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend — this word still filled you with butterflies just to think it. One of the messages was a short and sweet goodnight message with a heart emoji beside it, and the other was a picture he sent you of his smiling face standing in front of what looked like a forest with lots of lush greens trees in the background and in the far background sat some sort of building nestled within the trees. It looked a bit like a school out in the countryside. You wondered what on earth he was doing out there when there were things like cozy warm beds and hot coffee to be had at home.

You typed out a curious response, asking him what he was actually up to and you set your phone down for the time being so you could focus on getting your weekly chores finished. Boring stuff like laundry and changing your bed sheets. Taking out the trash and recycling and sweeping and mopping your floor, all the while listening to music, although at a much lower volume that you usually would use, in case your phone made any sounds.

Your day was satisfyingly productive and you’d reached the point in your day-off schedule that was dedicated entirely to you. You had soaked in your bathtub, you’d shaved and lotioned every bit of your skin that needed attention. You’d done your nails, all of them this time! You’d plucked and preened and got so caught up on your own little spa day that it soon transcended from just maintenance care to something a little more fun. You had styled your hair and did just a little bit of day-off makeup too, went a bit overboard with the good products that were expensive but you felt pretty this way. You browsed through your closet for something that felt nice and looked nice on your skin and your mind drifted to the mess you had been last night. Your face winced to remember the way he had looked at you then, at basically the lowest you could get. Why hadn’t you looked like this when he called you for that video call?

This wouldn't do. He had sent you a selfie just a few hours earlier, you could get away with one selfie to him, just some sort of redemption, to save face and maybe undo the most recent image he had of you in his head from last night. You went into your bathroom where the lightning was good and you lifted your phone camera up, snapping a few poses, liking a few more than others, you struggled with the decision.

Was his photo gallery also full of rejects or was the man as naturally beautiful and photogenic as he was smart and capable?

You held your breath and closed your eyes and you hit send and the phone did its thing as it took away your tiny gift and delivered it somewhere inside his phone which likely buzzed against his thigh inside of his pocket. In your head you counted down the seconds of silence, of which there were many.

You were still holding your breath when your phone buzzed happily in your hand and you swiped quickly to open his response.

It was nonsense. Just some jumble of letters and numbers and some symbols too. It brought a smile to your face in an instant and somehow this reaction from him felt even better than if he had actually responded to you with words.

Before you had a chance to say anything else, another message came through.

‘You made me drop my phone’

The elation was overwhelming. Such a small response from him had filled your chest with so much delight. This feeling was really like nothing else you’d experienced. You had to bite down on your lip to keep the smile somewhat under control.

Soon after the message appeared you saw a tiny heart appear in the upper corner of the picture you had sent him as he reacted to it and your own heart leapt up into your throat when your phone was ringing.

He was calling you. So suddenly?

You thought a few text messages at most would be exchanged. You hadn’t expected him to be available for a phone call. Whatever it was that he was doing it had seemed like it would take up all of his afternoon.

You answered with a cautious greeting and there was the smallest pause on the line before you heard his voice.

“Noona,” he wasn’t speaking at full volume and your ears picked up a bit of chatter in the room where he was. The voices were many and they sounded young. He was around children, it seemed. “My kids want to talk to you.”

You had no idea what was going on.

“Baekhyun, what kids? What is happening?”

The small voices you heard were rowdy and they were all worked up about something. You heard a few shouts behind him, some questions that you couldn't quite make out all of the words for.

“Miss!” A small voice was shouting and it sounded closer than the others. “Are you our teacher’s girlfriend?”

“You’re pretty! Are you going to get married?” A different tiny voice shouted from slightly farther away.

“Miss! What is your name?” There were a few more questions that you could make out. “Why did he put a heart on your picture?”, “Do you have a dog?”, “What is your favorite video game?”, and perhaps the one that made you smile the most was the voice that started this all and sounded like it might belong to the perpetrator holding the phone in his hands, “Miss, have you ever seen a real ninja, not on TV but in real life?”

You answered the ones you could answer as quickly as they were thrown at you.

Yes. Thank you. I don't know. Umm, I don't know that either. No I don't have a dog but I want one. Umm, I’m very good at Mario Kart. No, I’ve never seen a ninja. Have you seen one?

Clearly these kids were conducting their own very thorough investigation of you right now and they had some very clear metrics by which they judged their teacher’s girlfriends by.

You were laughing now and you could hear the struggle as Baekhyun’s voice spoke over their tiny excited hollers and he tried to rein them in.

“Beni, how would she see a ninja? They’re ninjas, that’s the point, you don't see them!” Baekhyun’s voice sounded over-excited and exasperated now and based on how far away he sounded he was not the person who was holding his own phone.

You heard a few thumps, some sounds of the phone being jostled about and your screen suddenly lit up as the audio call was switched over to a video call. It was a tiny boy’s face and he was peering down at you with a bright smile that was missing just a few teeth. A few more faces came into the frame and you smiled and waved at them and they all giggled excitedly to see you.

The phone was turned around and you could see a somewhat flustered Baekhyun standing with his hands on his hips in front of a stand up piano. It definitely seemed to be some sort of a school, or maybe a group home. The more you looked, the more dated and run down the walls behind him looked; the more this seemed like not an ordinary school. A memory was coming back to you, yesterday when you discussed his weekend plans and he had mentioned some place he went every week to volunteer. This must be that place; a school or it being a Sunday, probably the place where these children lived permanently and Baekhyun was obviously holding some sort of class for them. Something fun; art maybe, or music. Whatever it was, they obviously loved him there and were deeply invested in getting to the bottom of exactly who you were and what your connection to their dear teacher was. Deep down inside, you really hoped that you passed their strict tests.

“Okay, okay, you saw her and you talked to her. Now give me back the phone or we won't do the song.”

You recognized a hostage negotiation when you saw one. This man had clearly lost control of the small group of boys and was desperately trying to get the upper hand again.

“Song? I want to hear the song too!” You shouted on into the phone and the children all cheered excitedly in agreement.

“Yes! Yes, do the song,” they all yelled.

The phone was relinquished and you could see Baekhyun’s eyes reaching out to yours through the phone with a quick whisper “I’ll put you next to the piano,” as you had a new view of the keys of this piano and his slim fingers reaching out to touch the keys. You could see just the bottom half of his face and behind him, all seated on the floor with their excited faces watching enraptured were about six little boys with bright expectant smiles on their faces.

“Do you want me to sing it, or are you going to sing it?” He was asking them in a bright and cheerful voice.

“You sing it! You sing it!” They all clamored and to your absolute astonishment Baekhyun’s fingers touched the keys of this piano and the most amazingly beautiful melody began to play out. He made it look effortless and the results were so gorgeous you had to cover your open mouth with your hands to keep the shock from your face. He played like he had been playing piano his entire life.

The introduction to the song had reached a point for him to begin singing and Baekhyun inhaled a breath as he began. It was a light song, something soft and pretty, but what struck you immediately was his voice. It was shockingly good. He sounded like a professional and the more he sang the more you found yourself drawn into this man. You had to admit, the more he sang the more starstruck you felt watching him do it. The kids had a similar reaction and when the song reached its climax and he threw his head back and expertly belted out the most beautiful sustained high note complete with beautiful vibrato on the sustained note that you felt it tickle along your spine and bring along with it rows of goosebumps that traveled over your skin to hear it something so breathtakingly beautiful come out of this man.

How? How was he real? Could he really do this the whole time you had known him? Was there anything this man could not do?

You wondered if there was any bottom to this. When you thought you couldn't fall for him any further, a trap door would open up below your feet and you’d go tumbling another hundred meters.

He was done with his song and you were clapping and cheering just as enthusiastically as the kids were. He’d picked up the phone and his brown eyes found yours for a few whispered words. He was speaking very fast and his mouth was so close to his phone microphone that his whispers crackled in your phone’s speakers.

“Noona, the class is almost over, I have to go but I’ll call you later. Also you need to understand that I would kick your ass so bad at Mario Kart. K — I love you. Bye bye~.” He drew out the last word and the call abruptly ended leaving you stunned, still laughing, and feeling very much enamored with this man who had abruptly exploded into your life one day and taken hold of you by the heart, sunk his long fingers in very, very deeply, and absolute refused to let you go.

The interaction with him seemed to linger inside of you and you found yourself dazed as you wandered around your apartment, unsure of where to go next. You’d never quite felt so lost before. You spent most of your life with a well curated agenda and a plan. A schedule even for your days off, everything you did had a purpose that was carefully selected and chosen with some goal in mind.

But how on earth could you possibly tackle this feeling? You wanted to see him. You wanted to be near him and be close to him and you wanted to do the things he was doing with him and you wanted to breathe the same air he was breathing. It was maddening.

You no longer had a sense of what time it was. You’d wandered for too long when you finally came-to plopped down your sofa with the tv remote in your hand as you flipped through programs that didn’t have any the right feelings to draw you in.

You felt desperate like a caged tiger the longer you stayed here. You glanced at the clock in some useless attempt to orient yourself and to find your own mind again and you found that it was later than you expected it to be. Would he be done with his drive home yet? Would he be calling you soon as he promised so quickly the last time you’d spoken to him?

Maybe you needed a hobby. This was getting ridiculous.

Just a few more hours and you could get in bed and just a few more sleep hours after that and you could get up and get dressed in your sexiest business professional number and you could go into work and you could see him again.

Is this how addicts felt as they waited for their next fix?

A buzz on your phone brought you out of it.

It was Assistant Byun. It was your greatest weakness and he was the very powerful and addictive drug you’d been craving.

‘When can I see you again?’

It was straight to the point. It mirrored the exact same feeling you had been dealing with for the past few hours. No pleasantries. No ‘Noonas’ or cutesy emojis. No ‘how are yous’ or ‘are you busys’ or similarly cheap filler talk.

You looked down at his message and your hands clumsily struggled to type out a response.

He was faster than you were.

‘I need to see you again’

You had to steady your hands to type. You felt no hesitation with your next words. Of course he should. Of course he had to. You also needed him.

‘come over’

The warm flush that started in your cheeks spread over you slowly. It crept like a shadow moved and it was a thorough and a deep feeling as it spread. You felt the heat under your chin as it traveled down your neck, bringing with it that slow buzzing that made your breathing just a little shaky and unsteady. The saliva pooled inside of your mouth, just under your tongue at the thought of him being so overcome with the very same desire that you felt inside of you, it made the need that much more pronounced in you

Ten seconds passed and you sat with your eyes closed listening to the silence of your home and the silence of your phone without any sort of new message from him. When the sound did ring it out it came from an unexpected place and you lifted your head in quiet shock to hear your doorbell ringing a mere ten seconds after you had told him to come over.

‘I’m already here,’ the cheeky response from him belatedly buzzed in your hand, just after the doorbell rang and you were on your feet in a second, without any regard for how desperate you must look, because you were. You no longer cared if he knew it.

You pushed yourself to move through the space that separated the two of you and you rushed to unlock the door that separated you from him and when you pulled that door you caught the sight of his pretty face as he stood there at your doorway, leaning a shoulder against the edge and he was looking at you with a that breathtaking smile on his face, one hand pushed into his pocket. When he saw you the smile sagged and when he saw you his face changed. And with a slow and deliberate agonizing pull of his dark eyes, he ran them up the entire length of your body before setting them down devastatingly deep inside of your eyes and there was no longer any breath left in your body that could fight the dizziness you felt under his gaze.

Inside of his eyes a flame was ablaze and you, and you, and every single bit of you, was burning.

[To be Continued]

Links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

[baileythebean]

Vent below the cut so HUUUUGE trigger warning.

So usually I vent in my dad’s (Anomaly’s) DMs because he’s great at comforting me, but Im too pissed for this right now and I dont want to bother him. I swear I am so fucking close to actually killing myself, it’s scary.

My mom has an aversion to me ever binding. I am transmasc (FtM), and I am out to my parents. My mom claims to be a “good”, “supportive” mom, and I do occasionally have moments where I’m like “oh yeah, she’s making progress, she’s learning! :)” and then it’s always fucking ruined by saying things like “well Bailey is your nickname, your name is [deadname].” - “well you’re still biologically female.” - lots of bullshit little jabs at me whenever I ACTUALLY get brave enough to talk about my identity, which is rarely. Unfortunately, any chances of me getting a binder were ruined when I just asked her flat-out. I said it was for cosplay, just to play it safe, and it was still a hard no because “It destroys your body!” - “You wont develop properly!” - “You’ll regret it!” Along with several long rants about ALL the research she’s done, (probably barely any, and it was most likely on social media) and all the stories she’s heard about people who regretted surgery or just transitioning in general and had lawsuits for them, which is like, very low. The regret rate for transitioning is in the DECIMALS and yet she refuses to acknowledge that. We also have a history with suicide, as that’s how my dad left us, and yet she either hasn’t seen or doesnt care about trans suicide rates BECAUSE of being denied affirming care or harassment?? Anyways, here’s where my shit show of a story starts. I managed to get by fine with layering sports bras for a while and just not wearing anything tight-fitting. I figured she’d warm up to it eventually. But recently, I got a new cosplay (Venti from Genshin Impact) which involves a corset, and even if I layer or adjust the shirt, makes my chest look very weird if I dont bind. I started feeling more dysphoria than ever in my life and made a plan to get a binder before my first time wearing the costume. Said plan succeeded, and I had my friend get me the right sized binder at a birthday party one day through a queer kids program that offered them for free. I was so happy and started wearing it to get used to it and break it in since that day. Unfortunately, today I made the mistake of leaving it on my bed visibly.

My mom also has a terrible habit of going into my room and my spaces to clean, even though I usually do it myself anyway, and I LITERALLY FUCKING TELL HER NOT TO EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I dont want her touching my stuff EVER, not just when I’m trying to keep something from her. I told her to stop and she kept picking up trash, and she spotted it. She questioned me about it, and I caved, telling her what it is, how its been considered medically safe, and reciting like, ALL the safety instructions from the top of my head, hoping it would give me a chance at keeping it. I failed. I got yelled at for destroying my body, ETC ETC. finally, she says that she needs to keep my binder in her room so she can make sure I ONLY use it for cosplay and I’m pretty sure she’ll check if I’m wearing it every day.

Then this bitch PUTS MY BINDER ON and tells me it’s too tight. First, it’s supposed to be. Second, THATS NOT YOUR SIZE. I’m sobbing my eyes out right now, and the only thing keeping me alive is my boyfriend, and a literal fictional character. I want to tear my flesh from my bones when she tells me that puberty sucks for everyone, and she doesnt get the fact that it’s a million times worse for me because I’M A BOY. I’ll be lucky if I make it to the end of the year. I’m just done. I want it to be over. Someone come and end it for me, please. I cant take any more.

[miscfandomwrites]

Mama: Chapter Two

A/N: Another Repost, looks like I'll be able to upload once a day (if I get my break)

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Mom! Avenger! Reader

Warnings: Angst

Words: 676

Tagging: @tyler-t0t

After a while of humming and the gentle movement of the plane, Lillith drifted off into slumberland again. I had no idea how she could do it-it took me forever to fall asleep. And even then, it was even harder to properly fall asleep and not get jerked away by a laundry machine or any small noise my old apartment had made. 

I just held her and rested my head against the wall, resting. Today was a bit tiring. I never get good sleep anymore, not with her to worry about, and my nightmares and the hypervigilance that had never turned off once I joined my first firefight in the US Marines when I was twenty. 

So young still, yet so old. 

I closed my eyes only to be jerked awake again when I saw images of her on the floor again. It wasn’t even two minutes since I closed my eyes, yet in that time my breath rate had picked up. Lillith was stirring on my chest, and I gently slid her off and onto the floor next to me, using my backpack as a pillow for her. I readjusted my leather jacket and brought my knees to my chest. 

I leaned my chin against them, trying not to fall asleep. I studied the people around me until my eyes were blurry. I was so tired. I only slept a few hours last night, less the night before. I groaned and put my head in my arms, resting them on my knees. I tried to think of anything else besides her lying on the floor, covered in blood. 

I was expecting tears to fall, as they usually did along with sobs. I hated crying in front of people-Hydra had told me over and over and over and over again that emotions are a weakness. 

Instead of the usual sadness and sobs that hurt my diaphragm, I was met with anger. Anger. That’s the main emotion I felt when I walked into camp that day. Anger. The bodies of my team-my family- lay strewn around the room like some fucking halloween decor in the middle of April. It wasn’ until I reached our shared quarters did I realize that they got to you. 

“We need to stop to refuel at the next base. We’ll be landing in five minutes, and wheels will be up in ten after that.” spoke one of the pilots. 

I brought my head out of my arms and looked to Lilith, who was sleeping so peacefully. 

How could I, a monster of rage, bring this life into the world? I am anger, so much anger…

I looked to Clint, who was watching me with a worried expression. 

I felt the quinjet start to descend, and I got up off the floor. 

“Can you watch her please?” I asked him. He nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but I walked to the back of the plane just as it landed. The bay doors opened and I walked off, trying to find the nearest restroom. 

After getting directions from one of the agents refueling the jet, I walked towards it. I noticed a certain red-head following me. I quickened my pace and kept going. 

As soon as I got in the bathroom, I closed the door and locked it. I went to the sink, splashing cold water on my face. I looked up at myself, the water dripping off my face and before I knew it, my fist was through the mirror. 

I gasped, and took my hand away, watching some shards fall into the sink. I shook my head, and put my face in my hands and repeated over, and over, and over, and over

“She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone.” 

I pulled my hands away and took several deep breaths, reminding myself that my daughter needed me. She needed a mother. 

I opened the door and walked back to the quinjet, oblivious to the fact that Natasha had heard the entirety of what had happened, and had seen the aftermath. 

[lilacsandamethysts]

No marriages of convenience please

Pairing: Kamisato Ayato x fem!Reader (she/her pronouns)

Summary: Kamisato Ayto is the most wanted bachelor in Inazuma; every elder in every clan wants him for their relatives. He, however, has his eyes set.

Warnings: some sexism but its only implied not straightforward, arranged marriages

A/N: Hi! The name of the clan was totally made up and I also guessed Ayato age.

“Please consider my daughter.” This was getting old. Old and tiring, oh so tiring. Kamisato Ayato had been receiving marriage proposals since the ripe age of one minute old and had declined every single one of them.  Now, at 26, the proposals had multiplied and become more bold and demanding. He was reaching his limit as of late especially since the elders of several clans and powerful families from Inazuma and beyond had started crowding the entrance to the estate making it difficult for anyone to get inside and out without being bombarded by pleas of “Send for Sir Kamisato we have an urgent matter to discuss” or “Tell mister Kamisato my daughter has been in love with him and is a perfect fit for the Commissioner” and his favorite by far “Our clan is known for their strong warriors, my niece will give him capable sons”. Truly, if he ever found himself at such a pitiful position in the future he would give Thoma the green light to put him out of his misery. It was ridiculous how far people were willing to go just to get a small taste of power and wealth. Kamisato Ayato was formidable and feared and awed; all the clans in Inazuma would give away their female relatives freely without a second thought if it meant they would become somehow tied to the almighty Yashiro Commissioner. Ayato stared at the old couple in front of him with nothing but pity, eyes traveling to the mortified young girl to their right who seemed to be afraid of her own shadow at this point. He sighed, rubbing at his temples and pinching the bridge of his nose before motioning for the parents to stand up; oh how he hated it when they bowed.   

“Once again, as I told you before, I would have to decline your offer.” He smiled softly at them, managing one last glance at the girl who seemed to gain back some of her color at the sound of his rejection. “I am not looking to marry.” 

It was a routine that, despite his better judgment, he had gotten used to. Everyday there would be a small pile of engagement offers sitting on his desk -courtesy of Thoma who would always blush profusely if he were caught placing the letters- followed by two or three sets of parents or elders who didn’t take his rejection via letter kindly. They would talk for thirty minutes about the benefits of this marriage, their female relatives attributes (“she has wide hips, milord, fit to bear you strong sons”, “our family has been blessed with visions, she shall bear you a vision user.”, “we have a massive expanse of land for you to expand and grow.”) and how reliable they are as a family, how powerful both families would become with this union before waiting patiently for a nod in agreement that would never come. Always during these affairs, the woman in question would be with them, head bowed low, figure trembling and sometimes with tear tracks marking her skin. He felt horrible for them every single time. Later he would send them a goodies basket as an apology for the hassle and traumatic event they had to witness, making sure their families caught no wind of the interaction lest they interpret it as an action of love, attraction or agreement. Today was no exception as this was the second family he had shooed off and it was currently only noon. Another one was bound to come knocking on his door in an hours’ time. He sighed once again, allowing his head to rest in his hands while he rubbed at his eyes with the balls of his palm. Being the Commissioner was tiring. Before he had any time to slack further, a sharp knock echoed through his office and as the frame slid open, Ayato was relieved to come face to face with someone far more amusing and pleasant than the wrinkly faces of a new pair of elders. 

She had a tray in her arms, the smell of his favorite tea invading his senses as she slowly trudged to him, eyes glued to his own with a soft smile decorating her plush lips. He wanted to kiss her so badly. Carefully she set the tray on the table and without a word began pouring him a cup, adding two cubes of sugar. Just like he wants it. He grazed his fingers over her own when taking the cup from her hands, a soft ‘thank you’ leaving his lips before he took a sip, eyes trained on her the whole time. She was irresistible. He truly didn’t know how he managed to get anything done when she stepped into a room. She was so mesmerizing, so enthralling, so addictive. The curve of her lips, the light in her eyes, the flow of her hair, even the scars on her body, the ones few had seen and even fewer had kissed -and by fewer he only means himself-. She was an angel come down straight from the heavens to bless his existence. An angel who looked oh so kissable. 

“The Hanamaki clan has requested an audience, sir.” Voice sweet as honey, a hint of mischief hiding behind her words and behind her eyes. A tease that’s what she was; a tease with no regard for the agony the man whose heart she had stolen had to go through daily when he couldn’t announce her as his. He huffed into his tea, eyes rolling at the thought of having to go through this ordeal once again, sooner than he was expecting as well. “Do not fret sir. An emergency seems to have been scheduled ten minutes into your meeting. I’m afraid your negotiations will unfortunately be cut short.” She had the audacity to wink at him and it took every ounce of self control in his body not to jump across his desk and make her breathless for him, make her forget her own name at the taste of his lips, make her lose herself in his arms. 

With a small nod she went to leave only to be stopped by her Commissioners’ hand wrapped around her wrist. They stared at each other for a few agonizing seconds, desire pooling in both their gazes before Ayato could simply not take it any longer. Pulling her towards him, she landed in his lap, legs wrapped snugly around his waist as her hands went straight to his cheeks, cupping them gently while he guided himself to her most desirable part. The moment their lips met, every frustration melted away and bled into the kiss, mouths molding to each other as he brought her flush to his chest, hands desperately trying to grab as much of her as he could. A gasp escaped her when he bit down on her lower lip giving him the chance to slip his tongue in her mouth deepening the kiss. What would those greedy elders think if they caught him like this with her? A disowned member of an Inazuman clan turned mercenary, his subordinate, holding his heart in her palms; the heart that he freely gave away to her, an action that he never regretted and never would regret for as long as he lived. She scouted impossibly closer, arms going around his neck as whimpers dripped from her lips. They separated for air, lips swollen and puffy, eyes glazed over with what he could only describe as pure lust. He dove for her neck, peppering her delicate skin with feather light kisses before reaching the spot he was searching for and biting down making her moan at the filing of his teeth on her skin. He could feel her flush at the sensation, her fingers tangling in his hair and tugging lightly making him groan at the action and suck another hickey just behind her ear. With a hand under her, he leaned forward laying her flat on her back on his desk before separating from her to admire his work; the mess he had made of her without even touching her where he knew she needed him the most right now. Lithe fingers went to the buttons of her uniform while she started to push the jacket off his shoulders, minds hazy with their need for each other. Kiss her more, more, more. He trailed down her neck slowly to her chest, tugging the fabric just unde rhee breast to- 

"Commissioner sir, the Hanamaki elders have arrived. They are asking for your presence." Thoma's voice cut through the atmosphere like a knife, halting all movement from then both. Ayato frowned, letting his head fall onto the spot on her chest where her heart was. 

"I'll be right out. Thank you Thoma." His voice betrayed his displeasure and paired with the lethal frown he dawned on his face she knew that the emergency ten minutes into the meeting wouldn't be needed; he will have them out of the estate in five. He sighed again this time focusing his gaze on her eyes as she smiled at him knowingly. Her hands caressed his cheek, leaning in to pack his nose once, twice before fixing his shirt and jacket. 

"A marriage proposal is calling you milord." And right there he saw it. It was momentary and very easy to miss, if he had blinked in that moment he would've been none the wiser. But he did see it. A tinge of sadness, of desperation, of heartbreak. He has focused all this time on how unpleasant this chore was to him that he had failed to realize how much the situation might be hurting her. Seeing her lover being proposed at and fawned over whilst hiding behind closed doors for only a kiss must be unbearable. He wouldn't be able to take it for long and he hated himself for failing to see the hurt sooner, for failing her. It was certain that the announcement of their courting would rile up trouble both from the public and her estranged family; people would talk, gossip and hate whilst her family would have an epiphany, a need to reconcile and rekindle their relationship with the daughter they abandoned. But through all of it he would be there to protect and love her, to make everyone fall into silence, to make them see that she was more suitable for him than any other measly noble thrown his way. There was not a doubt in his mind that they could make it through it. 

"Marry me."

[ejzah]

In Miss Blye’s Class, Part 27

***

Kensi stayed for dinner and while Deeks cleaned up. Over the course of the evening, Caleb slowly opened up a little more, even breaking a couple of smiles.

Deeks thought at least a part of his continued reserved behavior came down to embarrassment. While Deeks appreciated that Caleb recognized what he did was wrong, he also didn’t want him to wallow in guilt.

When he had finished cleaning the few dishes used for the pizza, and packed up the half-finished meal he’d started, Deeks made his way into the den. He found Kensi and Caleb with their backs to the door, bent over a book. He stayed in the doorway watching them interact, and listened to the rise and fall of Kensi’s voice more than the words.

“Wait, did you forget to read the fine print!!!!” Kensi exclaimed.

“They ate spicy salsa on accident and now it’s going to make them breathe fire,” Caleb announced in between giggles. “And then the whole house is gonna burn down.”

Deeks smiled as he recognized one of Caleb’s most favorite books. Even if it had be a crappy couple of days, he had a lot to be grateful for. Mainly the two people crouched over a book about dragons. He waited for them to finish before interrupting with a gentle clearing of this throat.

“Hey kiddo, it’s getting close to bedtime,” he said, and both Kensi and Caleb’s heads swiveled towards him.

“We were having so much fun, we completely lost track of time,” Kensi said, nudging Caleb with her knee. “I better get home. Have good night, ok?”

“Ok. Thanks for reading with me, Kensi.” He dipped his head, peeking up from under his bangs. “Can I hug you?”

“Of course.” Leaning forward, he wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around Kensi, clinging to her for several long moments. When he let go, Kensi brushed his hair back with a fond smile that made Deeks’ chest ache in a way that wasn’t physical. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Kensi,” he said.

“I’ll walk you out,” Deeks offered. “I’ll be back in a couple, buddy.”

Caleb nodded, turning back to the small pile of books and trains scattered nearby.

“Ugh.” Deeks rubbed his palms over his face as he and Kensi reached the front door. “This is not how I imagined today going.”

“Hey, we’re all going to have bad days. Compared to some of my other relationships, this is actually not that bad.

“Very reassuring.” Holding out his hand, Deeks waited for Kensi to thread her fingers through his. “I should have told you about Monica sooner,” he added.

“Yeah,” Kensi agreed. “But I also understand why you didn’t.” She sighed, her smile a little melancholy. “Exes are hard. Especially when there are kids involved.” She tugged lightly on his hand. “Let me know if you need anything. Talk, yell, cry. I’m here and I promise not to judge.” She nodded. “Well, not too much.”

Deeks chuckled, and shook his head. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” she told him, leaning in for a brief kiss. “Good luck with your talk.”

Deeks shut the door behind Kensi, dragging both hands through his hair. He’d been thinking about how to approach this conversation all evening, and still wasn’t settled on what to say. He walked back to the den; Caleb had cleaned up everything, with more care than usual.

“I’m ready to go to bed,” Caleb announced.

“Come here for a minute,” Deeks said, sitting in one of the chairs, and Caleb hung his head, shuffling over reluctantly. He stopped with his still lowered, which just made Deeks want to wrap him up in a big hug. He pulled Caleb onto his lap, settling him on one knee.

“Kensi said you told her you were upset about mom and that’s why you got mad and threw the block. Is that true?”

Caleb shrugged once, and then gave a single jerk of his head, still not looking up. Deeks gently tipped his chin up. The were the sheen of tears in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I don’t know.” Another shrug.

“You know you can tell me anything,” Deeks reminded him. Caleb didn’t respond, so he prompted. “Why are you upset about mom coming to visit?”

“Because you always get sad when she does,” Caleb answered, with a hint of sadness and bitterness, which had no place in a five year old’s voice. “I like it when we’re happy. And I like having Kensi here, and I don’t want it to change.”

Deeks blinked at him in shock for a moment as he processed everything Caleb had just revealed. He’d tried to conceal his true feelings about Monica, but apparently he hadn’t been as successful as he thought.

“Hey, first of all, you do not have to worry about how I’m feeling, Caleb. That’s not your job, ok? If you wanna see mom, then that’s what we’re going to do. It doesn’t matter how it makes me feel.” He tapped Caleb’s chin, until he made eye contact again.

“Secondly, mom coming back isn’t going to change anything with Kensi,” he said.

“You promise?” Caleb whispered hopefully.

“Yeah, I do.” He let that sink in for a few seconds. “So, what do you think about mom visiting again while she’s here?”

Caleb considered the question with a tilt of his head. “I don’t know. I have to think about it.”

“That’s fine. It’s always good to think about things before you make a decision,” Deeks said approvingly. As they talked, Caleb had slowly melted into his chest. He could tell he was fading fast.

“Hey, one more thing.” Deeks rested his hand on Caleb’s back. “I know you weren’t feeling like yourself when you threw that toy today at school, but that can’t happen again, ok?”

Caleb nodded into his chest, sniffling a little.

“It’s never ok to hurt people, even when we have really big feelings. If you feel like you did today again, you come talk to me, or Kensi, or another grown up,” he told him.

“Ok. I’m sorry, daddy.”

“I forgive you. We still gotta make it right though, so tomorrow I want you to apologize to your friend, and Kensi.”

“That’s all?” Caleb asked in surprise.

“First time offender,” Deeks joked, hugging Caleb tighter. “It happens again though, there’s gonna be more consequences. Like losing privileges.”

“Ok,” Caleb whispered again, curling his fingers into Deeks’ shirt.

“Love you, kiddo.” Kissing the top of his head, Deeks held him closer. A few minutes more wouldn’t hurt.

***

A/N: And of course, the book referenced in this chapter is the wonderful “Dragons Love Tacos” by Adam Rubin and Daniel Salmieri. It’s been a staple for me ever since Eric read it during one of his story time videos.

[arctrooper69]

Training For Failure

A/N: I just needed a pep talk from Echo today. (Also, I love soft!Echo fics with all my heart, but I think sometimes people forget that he used to be a badass ARC Trooper and still very much has that vibe going on when he's not playing Mom to Omega 😂)

Warnings: Tough Love from Echo. Reader is feeling bad about themselves.

--------------------------------------------------

"Come on, keep up!" Echo called out, glancing over his shoulder to see you jogging several paces behind him.

You gave him a thumbs up and a grin to hide the fact that you were dying inside. Or at least that's what it felt like. Were lungs supposed to hurt like this? With every strained inhale, the chilly morning air burned it's way through your chest.

Echo jogged in place, watching as you ran over to him, breathing heavily. He clapped you on the shoulder. "You're doing good so far!" He encouraged. "Here, drink." He tossed you a water bottle giving you a little grin. "Just around this bend and we'll be done our warm-up."

You choked on the water, spilling a mouth full down the front of your shirt.

"Wait, this is just a warm-up?" You panted in disbelief.

Echo chuckled, "Yeah, like I told you yesterday. We jog to the training gym, go a few rounds, and then walk back."

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, resting your hands on your knees to help soothe your screaming lungs.

"You okay?" Echo put a hand on your back, looking at you, brows upturned with concern.

Nodding, you gave him a thumbs up. " I'm good!" You gave him a grin and stood up quickly. A sudden wave of dizziness hit you out of nowhere and you stumbled to the side. Echo grabbed your upper arm, keeping you upright.

"Whoa! Hey, take it easy now. Hands on top of your head."

"What, are you arresting me or something?" you jokingly scoffed.

Echo rolled his eyes. "No. It helps the blood circulate better. Helps you catch your breath."

Nodding slowly to avoid worsening your lightheadedness, you obediently rested your palms on top of your sweaty hair. As weird as it sounded, it did help. Slowly the ache in your lungs began to let up, your breaths came more easily and the dizziness abated.

Kriff, you were out of shape. A heavy feeling of shame settled in your core, replacing the sharp sting of laboured breathing.

"Sorry for slowing you down," you mumbled, looking down at your feet. What had you been thinking when you asked Echo to help you train? You were so not going to survive this. "Maybe you'd get a better work-out on your own without me. I'd just kriff it up anyway."

Echo stiffened, "No. Stop." You looked up at him in confusion. His eyes were sharp and serious as though they could see straight through you. It was the same look he had on the battlefield. The look of a leader.

"Look at me." He gripped your shoulders between his flesh hand and scomp link.

"I am." You avoided eye contact.

"No," he moved the tip of his scomp arm beneath your chin, bringing your eyes up to meet his.

"Listen, I don't want to hear that kind of talk." He said firmly. "The only way to get good is to keep going."

You swallowed and looked away feeling a little intimidated and embarrassed. Echo pulled you back so that you met his eyes once more.

"I can guarantee that if you keep thinking you'll fail, then you will fail. I know it's hard and sometimes it hurts but you have to stick with it."

"I can't...." you whispered feeling defeated. Tears clouded your vision, threatening to fall.

"You can." Echo reprimanded. "You can and you will. You're strong." He paused, thinking for a moment, and sighed.

"It does help though, when you have a partner - someone who can motivate you and push you to your limits."

He paused again, breaking eye contact for a fraction of a second. "My brother Fives was that person for me."

He met your eyes again.

"Our squad - Domino Squad - almost didn't make it though training. We failed every simulation. We couldn't work as a team and even the instructors said we'd never make it; that we were failures. I started to believe them because what they wanted from us seemed impossible. I wanted to give up. But Fives wouldn't let me. Fives believed in us - he believed in me. 'We will not train for failure' he told us. He pushed us hard, dragging us all out of our bunks to practice again and again and again. Until finally we made it. Fives was right. We don't train for failure. We train to better ourselves and therefore to better our brothers - our squad."

"I didn't know that," you said softly, wiping your eyes, "I guess I could use a friend like that." Echo nodded.

"Fives was that person for me. I will be that person for you. I will not allow you to fail. Yes, you'll make mistakes, you'll fall on your ass more times that you can count but that's not failure. You only fail if you give up. Failure is a choice."

Echo's voice radiated confidence. You could almost feel it invading your own skin and bleeding into your bones. No wonder they made him an ARC Trooper. He was stern when he needed to be, confident in his abilities, and adaptable to whatever situation was thrown at Clone Force 99.

In addition to all that, Echo was compassionate. He truly cared for his teammates and for that you were glad - for that and everything else, you loved him.

"So what do you say we finish off this work-out?"

You nodded your head, giving him a small smile. "Sir, yes sir!"

Echo grinned, squeezing your shoulder. "Good. Then wipe your face and follow me."

You took a deep breath and began to run, keeping pace with Echo. "And I know a great smoothie place we can hit afterwards."

"Sounds like a plan."

--------------------------------------------------

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[iknowyuu]

alone on christmas day

kdrama! sieun x reader

// reader (and friends) accompany a lonely sieun on christmas.

tags: lonely sieun, mentions of feeling unlovable, sieun being an anti-romantic (kinda?), mentions of a bad parental relationship, sieun made friends without literally risking his life multiple times AU

note: i thought of this while listening to my goofy-ass christmas playlist LMFAOOOO, underneath the tree came on and i had to restrain myself from busting a move. anyway happy holidays <3333

♡

sieun woke up like every other morning, not phased by the knowledge that there was no school today. in fact, for once, he was glad- it was incredibly cold, as showcased by the snow outside his window.

he got out of bed and did his usual routine, brushing his teeth and having a nutritional meal before prepping his desk to start another long, long day of studies. it would’ve been the same as any other day, except, nowadays he’s more prone to checking his phone (during breaks, of course) more than he ever really does.

he picks up his phone, opening his messages to find several text messages from his friends: sooho, youngyi, and you.

his mouth twitches at your text, almost turning into a small smile, but he can’t help but feel unbelieving at your words. he’s used to disappointment.

the more he studied, the more he was reminded of his loneliness- when he was watching youtube, christmas themed ads would pop up, showcasing happy families spending time together, advertising their family fried chicken meals. his workbooks would use winter-themed examples, and, he would catch himself thinking about how the red of his journal cover reminded him of candy canes. he gradually felt hungry, but not for chicken. the few times his brain would let him show vulnerability, it showcased how completely starving he was for love. platonic or not. he hated that a tiny piece of his soul would not give up along with the rest of him.

hours went by and he eventually forgot about your message, not bothering to check his phone or take breaks, getting entranced and pulled into his work. that was what made him all the more jumpier when he heard a very sudden and loud knock at the door.

hours went by and he eventually forgot about your message, not bothering to check his phone or take breaks, getting entranced and pulled into his work. that was what made him all the more jumpier when he heard a very sudden and loud knock at the door.

as he approached the door, he heard multiple voices behind it, and he grew suspicious. he hoped it was his friends, but at the same time didn't want to put faith into something that could disappoint him as easily as his parents do.

“-said that you should buy one family pack! why’d you buy so many? who has the stomach to eat three?” one voice exclaimed. “i do! i could eat ten meals! why do you always complai-“ the second voice was cut off by a third one, “both of you shut up!! we’re supposed to be surprising him, not making sure he hears us from kilometers away!”

sieun peaked through the peephole to be met with blackness. the person- or people- were blocking the tiny circular hole. unlocking the door slowly, he opened it to be met with three familiar faces.

“surprise!!” they cheered in unison. he didn’t say anything. they didn’t say anything.

finally, the tallest boy spoke up, “yah, let us in, i don’t wanna smell like friend chicken.” sooho pushed past him with three boxes in his arms, and sieun could only stare as youngyi greeted him with a "what's up?", giving him a quick shoulder pat and following close behind sooho. lastly, you stood at the door smiling at sieun. “are you surprised!? well, probably not since i literally told you i was coming, but you didn’t expect this, right? we even brought decorations so we can-“ you stopped talking when you noticed sieun’s face. he was frowning, tears building up in his eyes before they spilt, running down his cheek. stepping inside and closing the door behind you, your heart dropped to your stomach at his display of emotions.

“sieun? what’s wrong? is it ‘cause of us?” you spoke, ignoring the lighthearted argument sooho and youngyi were having about how to hang up the christmas lights in the background. he shook his head and wiped his face with his sleeves before speaking. “just.. thank you.” he couldn’t meet your eyes as you smiled at him, engulfing him in a hug, placing your head in the crook of his neck. “of couuuurse sieun.” your heart almost exploded when you felt the way he placed his arms around you, carefully hovering just above your touch.

“yahh, stop flirting you two!” youngyi called out to you both, waving you over. “we’re about to eat!”

-

the four of you were now watching a christmas movie, the now empty boxes of fried chicken long forgotten. the lights were off (except for the red and green fairy lights strung about the room) and blankets you’d brought from home were strewn about. sooho sat on the couch, youngyi laying down with her head on the opposite armrest, her legs on his lap. the two of them seemed to have fallen asleep a while ago, their soft snores filling the room along with the noise of the television. you and sieun sat next to each other in front of the couch, sharing a blanket. you originally didn’t know whether to keep your distance from him- you tried to clench your thighs close together to keep from his legs touching yours, but as time went by, you became less and less hyperaware, and now freely relaxed your legs, your arms and legs making comfortable contact with each other.

“hey, sieun,” you whispered, not taking your eyes off the screen. he turned his head toward you, as if to say “hm?”, “i hope you had fun with us,” you said, “im sorry if we intruded or anything. i just didn’t want you to be alone on christmas.. we all care about you a lot, so don’t ever hesitate to ask us if you need company. i-" you paused, correcting yourself, "we love you a lot.” he kept quiet for a few seconds before responding. “thank you, [name].” your heart melted at the way he said your name with such gentleness.

you didn’t say anything, your emotions clouding your previously clear head. you slowly moved your arm, squeezing in between his arm and torso before he moved it upwards curiously, before wrapping your arm around his. you didn’t stop there, leaning your head onto his shoulder.

“is this.. is this okay?” you spoke so quietly you thought you might have to repeat yourself. but you didn’t, he heard you loud and clear. “yes,” he mumbled in response. your stomach burst with butterflies, and a smile creeped onto your face. “okay,” you said, moving your forearm to find his hand, grabbing and intertwining his fingers with yours.

in that moment, sieun felt his body heat up with your warmth, your action sending waves of butterflies in his stomach. he felt foolish for what he’d thought earlier, that love was not meant for him. in this moment, he could feel your love, and he knew it wasn’t for anyone but him.

♡

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