#and screaming at asexual people who point it out is just crazy

[mlmshark]

“Omg, I don’t get why people get so mad at a canonically asexual character being sexualized! Just don’t read it if you don’t like it!” Are you fucking stupid? Repeat that back to yourself

[the-music-maniac]

I just saw a take on zosan that was awful enough I had to block the person. They labelled their post "hot takes" and it annoyed me enough that I felt like hating on it from afar in a vague way would be less destructive than writing an entire essay in this person's comments section.

If you like treating Sanji like a babygirl - just say so. Nothing wrong with that. Don't act like uke-ifying him is accurate to his canon characterization though. If you don't like Zoro as a character, just SAY THAT. Don't act like your shitty understanding of him as a character should be common sense. Their premise was that zosan would work best as a non sexual relationship - sure I'm fine with that. Sounds like an interesting premise. Why tho?

The reasons were stupid.

1. Apparently bc Zoro is too much of a neanderthal and BC he doesn't shower frequently Sanji would never touch him blah blah (Sanji smokes ten million cigarettes a day, I assure you he doesn't smell good) y'all should stop treating him like a babygirl bc bleh Zoro stinky and likes drinking and where did that whole he's Nami's gay best friend thing come from, he isn't that, he doesn't deserve it. Okay??? First of all - last I checked babygirl didn't require certain qualifications - so fuck off? I've concluded that Zoro is the only babygirl and you can foam at the mouth all you want, I'm not changing my mind. Second of all, did you forget that NAMI can drink people under the table too?? Zoro does canonically have a very friendship/sibling-like dynamic with Nami. They argue and fight, but they care about each other. If there is anyone who would make sense as a headcanon of one of Nami's close friends? Zoro would be a candidate. Usopp I would argue would be a better option, but Zoro also makes sense. Third of all, Sanji spends all day cooking (often cooking SEAFOOD) in a three piece suit and then smoking like a chimney. He may shower more frequently than Zoro but I assure you he doesn't smell like a rose garden either. You also can't be a cook if you shy away from a little elbow grease and sweat. Getting dirty for your craft is something he understands. He also has atrocious fashion sense when it comes to clothes that are not suits and he's a lil crazy in the same way all the strawhats are but he hides it well. Sanji is a ridiculous man and I like him that way. Stop it.

2. Sanji isn't some fainting flower, and it annoys me that this person was trying to paint him that way as if it's a forgone conclusion. Their argument was that he screams at bugs, and they were using it as an argument on why Sanji is apparently a babygirl who could never top anyone (why in the world does sex position even play a factor here??). They also pinpointed that Sanji wears suits and swoons at women as a reason why he's likely not gonna top anyone and is gonna remain a virgin. Admittedly I stopped reading at that point bc I made the executive decision to block the person for my own peace of mind, so I perhaps misunderstood (I barely understood the argument in the first place) but I still don't see how any of these factors have anything to do with sex position, or a sexual relationship not working with zosan. I'm all for asexual zosan. But y'all need to stop treating Sanji like some frail twink. That man is badass. He has a strong enough kick to kill a man, his leg catches on fire, he can fucking fly, he gives as good as he gets when it comes to his interactions with Zoro, he survived years and years of abuse from his family and came out a kindhearted person with principles. He is strong af. Again. STOP. IT.

3. None of those reasons for why they wouldn't have sex make sense to me because they operate under an assumption that Sanji would find Zoro gross so obvi they wouldn't have sex. The person fundamentally misunderstood that most people who like zosan aren't there bc they want smut, they're there because Zoro and Sanji are equal and opposites and they understand each other in a very fundamental way from the moment they met. Yes, their relationship is antagonistic, but in the way that Brogy and Dorry are set up in that one episode. If you understand that, then you get that when it comes to rivals, when it comes to their competition and their interactions with each other, Sanji wouldn't give a shit about avoiding getting his hands dirty. That is not the type of person he is. Zoro is his one exception in that sense. He has etiquette and acts like a refined gentleman, and then Zoro issues a challenge and Sanji is there, IMMEDIATELY ready and willing to throw down. He swoons over women, Zoro says anything and IMMEDIATELY Sanji's attention is all on Zoro. I have to wonder if this person even fucking watched the show before deciding to pass a bunch of unfounded judgements.

Alright, rant done.

[itsclydebitches]

Why do people get hung up on whether a gay person in media is a good or bad representation of them? I'm gay and I can tell you we aren't all the same? Being gay is our 1 common trait. So as long as they're gay then you've done it. Gay people can be kind, mean, racist, open, kinky, reserved, shy, outgoing, sexist, and literally anything else under the human experience.

Because I am perpetually hungry, let's tell a story about cookies.

You are a bright-eyed, optimistic, baker in the making. Your goal is to wow the world with your culinary skills, so of course you head to The Best Baking School for your degree. Over the course of your studies you learn how to perfect a thousand different cakes, an equal number of pies, and more versions of brownies than most would even assume exist. But cookies... oh, cookies are your passion! You can't wait to learn about the wealth of cookies you can make too. Then, sure enough, that part of your education finally arrives.

Funny thing is though, it's just chocolate chip.

Surely there's been some mistake? The cookie experience is vast and nuanced! Why in the world are your instructors — supposedly the best in the world — reducing cookies to a single class about baking chocolate chip and chocolate chip alone? Hell, why are cookies so sparse in the curriculum as a whole? You're never asked to bake them as a demonstration, or practice with them, and they're definitely not a given across everyone else's baking experience. Cakes, pies, and brownies... they're the default. Cookies are comparatively rare and when you do get to study them, everyone is super focused on the chocolate chip.

Then you graduate and head out into the world, only to find that pretty much everyone is as cookie-blind as your school. A few years back you never would have found cookies in the average grocery store and yeah, the fact that there's a cookie section now is great, but it's, uh... all chocolate chip! Many bakeries still don't carry cookies at all, but when they do it's - again - chocolate chip. Chocolate chip out in restaurants. Chocolate chip at the bake sale. Your friend invites you over and proudly presents a massive sweets tray that includes a single, sad looking, chocolate chip cookie. They beam at you in pride. Isn't it so great?

"Uh..." you say. "Well..."

Every once in a while someone will switch out milk chocolate for dark chocolate, or add nuts alongside chocolate chips. One bakery was even crazy enough to exclude chocolate chips entirely! Crazy according to the press, anyway. Because for years now you've been shaking your head, wondering what exactly is so progressive about realizing that sugar cookies exist. You've found other bakers interested in cookies and, by god, there are thousands. So many flavors! Gluten free and allergy conscious! Someone even made a sweets tray that was predominantly cookies, can you believe it? The problem is, almost none of them are mainstream. Your friend baking cookies out of their personal kitchen is doing fantastic work, but their baking doesn't have the impact that those grocery chains and established bakeries do. Their work isn't going to fix your school's curriculum. Too many people still think that cookies are exotic somehow. They're not the default. And when they do acknowledge their existence, it's chocolate chip over and over. Until one of them adds those nuts and suddenly the whole country is losing its mind about how inspired, creative, progressive their baking is. Meanwhile, you're ready to scream because that baker doesn't even know that something as "exotic" as a gingersnaps exist!

The worst part? Most of these cookies are... bad. Like they exist, yeah, but good god most don't taste good. And that's the whole point of a cookie?? What is the point of buying cookies if the cookies themselves are awful? You go to these bakeries, these restaurants, your friend's house, and you try the very limited cookies on offer, only to find that they've been sloppily baked. Doesn't anyone care that the baker burned their cookies to a crisp? That another straight up forgot to add sugar? This one dropped his on the floor and still tried to serve it to you! But the overall sense is that you should be grateful for getting any cookies at all. "That cookie is an offense to my taste buds," you say and people shake their head at you, disappointed. "I liked the taste of it," one says. "If you don't like it, go buy a different cookie!" Well... easier said than done. "It's not that bad," another says, shrugging in defeat. "I mean yeah, I don't really like it, and the baker stopped making them two years ago... but I'm just happy to have had any cookie at all, you know?" You do know, but that doesn't mean it's any less frustrating. You look at the hundreds of cakes available, these bakers spending decades perfecting their recipes, and wish cookies had even a fraction of that work put into them. You find people who agree with you, absolutely, but there's this this prevailing sense that a cookie is a cookie. Any cookie will do. Supposedly.

Except go long enough and you feel like you're ready to lose your mind. You take some poor person by the shoulders and go, "Doesn't this bother you? Doesn't this make you furious? There is more to the cookie world than these three flavors, 90% of which is chocolate chip! And we deserve well-made cookies, not the crap they've been upholding as the next culinary masterpiece!"

But this person just shakes their head. "Well of course there's more to cookies than three flavors. There's a huge variety of cookies! I know that."

"Yes, but the world isn't selling that variety."

"Of course they are! Just last week I had an oatmeal raisin. That's amazing!"

"Yeah and how many years did it take you to find that?"

"Well..."

"And how did that oatmeal raisin cookie taste?"

Your prisoner pulls a face. "Ugh, not good. Oatmeal raisin is definitely not for me. It's hard as a rock! I really don't understand why someone would want to eat that on a regular basis."

"But it's not supposed to be hard as a rock!" you cry, waving your arms. "That's the problem! Oatmeal raisin is so goddamn rare and then the one time we get it, it was badly baked. Of course people are turned off by it. Everyone who already loves oatmeal raisin is getting pissed because their favorite cookie is misrepresented, they're unlikely to see more of them now, and everyone is still serving the most tasteless chocolate chip cookies I've ever had, acting like this is the pinnacle of cookie baking! Do you even know that a macron exists?"

The person pats your hand consolingly. "Of course I do. My roommate's sister's boyfriend used to bake macrons, you know. I don't know why you're so hung up on this. Cookies can be whatever the baker wants them to be. Provided they're a flat-ish sweet cake, they're still a cookie!"

You hang your head, giving up. "Yes, they can be so many things, but they're not. Let me know if you ever find a bakery actually making the variety you keep acknowledging exists. Bonus points if those cookies are edible. My soul if they're delicious, as a cookie should be."

"You know," they say, still patting your hand. "There's a bakery making chocolate chip with dark chocolate next year. Everyone is talking about it. You should think about buying one before they take it off the menu!"

You contemplate just walking into the ocean.

Now, incredibly long metaphor concluded... switch out "cookies" for "queer rep"! The representation matters because no, just making them gay isn't enough right now. You're right that queer people can be anything under the sun, but right now media isn't providing us with that variety. It's not enough to acknowledge that such variety exists, it actually has to make it into our books and onto our screen. Taking just characters who identify as gay and putting aside the HUGE variety of other identities for a moment (of which we are mostly lacking in terms of rep), where are the gay asexuals? The gay people of color? The disabled gays? Trans gays? Did your gay character appear for just a handful of episodes? Were they killed off? Are they nothing more than a stereotype or comic relief? Is this the only gay character in your entire story? We need to ask questions like this because though gay people can be anything under the sun, our media landscape has only shown a miniscule portion of that variety.

Today, even in 2021, our representation of gay people is still pretty limited to:

You are only coded as gay and evil

You are only coded as gay and queerbaited

You are canonically gay, but a cis, ablebodied, white person

You are canonically gay, but were written terribly/killed off/punished by the narrative/generally making the real gay people watching you feel awful about their identity

You are canonically gay, but you're not human. Gotta other the queerness by making you an alien/robot/fantasy being

You are canonically gay and that's your entire existence. There is one (1) narrative of how you knew by the time you were four, never questioned your identity after that, suffered through a family that rejected you, and now all your major arcs revolve around being gay. You are gay and that is it.

Despite being a list of six, that's still incredibly limiting. Are there exceptions to such a list? Always, but that doesn't mean the list isn't still dominating. We can look at any individual gay character and say, "Of course they can be evil/white/killed off/a joke/etc. because gay people can be anything at all," but when we look at the trends, when we look at ALL the media together, we see that gay people aren't actually depicted as being anything... they're depicted as being these handful of things, severely limiting how gayness is represented. Bad rep. If you hit up the bakery and question why there's only versions of chocolate chip available yeah, the baker can go, "But cookies can be any flavor! Including chocolate chip!" They are not, technically, wrong. The problem is not that chocolate chip exists, but that chocolate chip dominates and other flavors are rare, ignored entirely, or baked so badly it's actively damaging to that flavor as a whole. Yeah, your gay character can be mean. Or kinky. Or murdered by the story. But when so many gay characters are mean and kinky and murdered by their stories — when you're not getting other versions to balance that out and gay characters are still rare enough that it's just 1-2 characters trying to carry representation for an entire franchise — you start realizing that the claim of "Gay people can be anything else under the human experience" is an easy way to shut down the conversation of whether that variety actually exists in our storytelling yet.

It's not enough for the baker to acknowledge that yeah, of course there are hundreds of cookie flavors and of course cookies taste great! They've actually got to learn how to bake them properly and fill up their store with them.

[spenciegoob]

Unfolded (Request)

A/N: hey hey hey... I’m gonna be honest this was super hard for me to write I absolutely hate the idea of being outed/outing someone, but I just channeled that anger into writing how much of a douche reader’s ex is... so enjoy and THANK U FOR THE REQUEST I LOVE GETTING REQUESTS I LOVE YOU <3

Summary: When an ex comes back to reveal a secret about Reader to Spencer, Reader prays it’s not the final straw in their relationship. (Requested) 

Pairing: Spencer x Gender Neutral Ace!Reader

Category: Angst/fluff

Content Warnings: being outed, acephobia, bad break up, coming out

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.4K

____

When I agreed to go out with the team for drinks after a rather gruesome case, I didn’t also agree to hiding out in the bathroom while a particularly awful ex ruined my brand new relationship.

Doctor Spencer Reid wasn’t quite like anyone else the world had to offer. He was brilliant in a way that made other people jealous, and while his mind was filled with statistics and the hard facts of the universe, his heart was soft. Spencer was kind, laying a blanket of serenity across the people he came in contact with, and I was lucky enough to be gifted his love.

Spencer Reid was mine, and in turn, I was his.

But that also meant that along the way to finding him, there had been some mistakes. I gave my heart to people who didn’t deserve it, watched from the sidelines as they smashed it to bits all because I was “a freak,” “weird.”

“Different.” I was once called different like it didn’t hurt as much as the others, but it did. The man who said those horrible things to me as he stormed out of my apartment as if I did something wrong was out there, sitting at the bar, telling my lover just how different I am.

“Hey, if you don’t want to go out, we can go back home and watch a movie. I’ll let you pick this time,” Spencer whispered in my ear as we approached the doors of the bar that held our friends. I couldn’t help but smile at the simple gesture. Spencer cared.

“As tempting as making you watch A Clockwork Orange again is, we’re already here. Let’s just have a good time.” I laughed along with him as he held the door open for me, the smell of cigarettes and booze immediately overwhelming my senses.

“You sure do have a weird taste in movies.” We deposited our coats on the backs of chairs to reserve our spots at the table with our friends before moving through sweaty bodies to the bar.

I ordered my usual rum and coke, and a water for Spencer knowing he wouldn’t be drinking tonight. As I went to continue our conversation from earlier however, a voice I wish I could forget came from behind me.

“Isn’t this a sight for sore eyes.” John, a man not worth the time or energy it takes to deal with his immaturity. The kind of man who only wants one thing, and wreaks havoc when he doesn’t get it.

“Hi, John.” I would’ve said more, but what could I have possibly said? It’s good to see you? It’s not, and I’m not lying to boost the man’s ego.

Spencer must have felt the discomfort practically screaming out at anyone who looked at the interaction between me and my ex, because he came to stand next to me, the height added from me sitting on the bar stool enough for Spencer to rest his arm around my shoulder.

“I didn’t expect to see you here. It never really was your kind of scene.” You didn’t know me at all, John.

“Yeah, well, uh, I’m... my friends-”

“I’m Spencer, and you are?” Oh thank god.

“John. One of (Y/N)’s exes.” I want to slap that god damn stupid smile right off his face and watch the way he- “You’re Spencer, the coworker, right?”

“Boyfriend, actually.” He said it with such pride, happiness about the 9 letter word evident in his tone that I couldn’t help but rest my head on his shoulder with a small smile of my own.

“Oh, wow. I guess you know then, right?” My blood ran cold. No, no no no this can’t be happening. Not now, not ever.

I have to get out of here.

“What?” Spencer asked. He looked down at me with pure confusion before returning his attention back to John. Rookie mistake.

“I’ll be right back.” It was stupid of me, I know. I got up and left Spencer all alone with no defenses against the army that was John’s condescending tone, but I couldn’t stay there. I knew what was coming, and I knew I couldn’t stop it.

So I ran, crashing into drunk 20 something year olds and bodies grinding on the dance floor until I reached the bathroom. By the time I made it inside, the music dulled so I could hear my own thoughts, I was already hyperventilating.

I don’t know how long I stayed in there when there was a knock at the door. All I know was that my eyes were red and puffy, and whoever was at the door would just have to wait.

“(Y/N)? It’s me, Spencer.” I didn’t reply, just held my breath hoping that he believed I was somewhere else. Where the hell else could I go?

“Can you open the door? Please?” No part of me wanted to face the man on the other side of the door. I knew what was waiting for me.

Disgust, and anger for lying to him for so long, for roping Spencer into a relationship without sharing a key component of myself as if I could keep it a secret for so long.

What did I expect in two months from now when Spencer wanted to take the next step? Was I just going to run and hide the way I did tonight? It was stupid, and cruel, and-

“Come on, let’s go watch A Clockwork Orange again.” Spencer Reid knew how to get my feet moving. I didn’t care how crazy I must look right now. If tonight was the last night I’ll be able to love him, what’s the point of trying to hide my distress?

But when I opened the door and fully expected Spencer to be red in the face, eyebrows furrowed over raging eyes, I was surprised to find a very different expression.

There he was, with that soft, awkward smile that made him look like the most adorable frog, handing me my coat like everything was right in the world.

I guess it was, because there he was, just being so authentically Spencer Reid.

“Let’s go home.” One obstacle: out of the way.

No matter how hard Spencer tried, the ride home was still awkwardly silent with the exception of the soft, classical music coming from the radio. I could feel the way my restless leg shook the car at stop lights, but he had the decency to pretend my anxious tendencies weren't so vicious.

It didn’t stop him from asking. “Are you okay?”

“What did he say to you?” I questioned right back. I wanted to know, needed to know, because if John’s sick smile wasn’t indicator enough, Spencer Reid just listened to my ex air out my dirty laundry.

“It’s not important what he said to me. I will wait an eternity for you to be ready to tell me. Now answer me, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think I am.” And it was the truth. I was okay, because Spencer wasn’t like John, he wasn’t like any other man, really.

Spencer Reid was gentle, pulling my flower from the ground with careful hands to make sure my roots came with it instead of selfishly breaking my stem, and watching me wither.

I knew he would never let me wither away, not alone at least.

“I’m asexual.” Spencer was silent for a moment, not taking his eyes off the road, until finally, after enough time for my leg to start bouncing again had passed, he spoke.

“Okay.” It was so authentically Spencer Reid, yet, I couldn’t stop my shocked expression. 

“You- you’re not... mad?” At this point, Spencer had reached our apartment and as he was parking, he slammed the breaks harder than necessary, jolting me forward. I don’t know if he was trying to knock the thought out of my head, or if I finally struck a nerve, but he turned to look at me like I was preposterous.

“Why would I ever be mad about that? I’m not in this relationship expecting you to, uh, you know. You’re you, and that’s more than enough.” I didn’t realize I was crying until he reached over to brush away a tear with his thumb.

“I love you so much, and that includes everything about you.”

“I love you too, Spencer.” And it was the truth. I was so deeply in love with him that everything else in the world seemed so dull.

“A Clockwork Orange?” Spencer Reid knew just the thing to get me smiling again.

___

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[katsrnerstories]

BillDip SlowBurn FanFic Chap. 1

Bill had destroyed Dipper's mind.

It has been a few years since weirdmageddon. Since Dipper and Mabel defeated demons from hellish planes of existence and saved the world and their friends from soul and mind crushing madness.  

Dippers a freshman in college now. It was a moment that he had wished for for years. Highschool had been…

Well it wasn't the worst it could have been. Dipper hit a major glow up around the beginning of junior year (with Mabel's help of course) and life was a little easier. He was asked out on dates, went to a few parties here and there that people dragged him to, had some typical highschool fun in the city...

Until around that same time he started getting replies from colleges his senior year, he started to see Bill again. Every once in a while his mind would wander back to that summer, but it was always the good things or nightmares of the horrors they saw.

It started with just a little glimpse here and there. An eye in the back corner of his periphery, some yellow glimpse in a dark room. 

A ghostly hand on his shoulder.

But these things were nothing to the first time Dipper realized something was wrong.

Dipper saw Bill in his dreams. And those dreams were beyond nightmares.

He had had nightmares before. Nightmares of weirdmageddon were common for both dipper and Mabel. But these… these were real; as much as a dream could be.

Because of Gravity Falls, Dipper really wasn't afraid of a lot of things that would have scared him. The unknown was comforting to him. Maybe because it wasn't too unknown to him and Mabel.

But bill. During those nightmares, brought everything he feared to the frontlines. 

It had been a while since Mabel and him shared a room, so Mabel really didn't know about the fear Dipper experienced those nights. 

She was more focused on getting to LA.

She wants to be a criminal psychoanalyst. To look at the minds of people and figure how they tick. Criminals especially. 

Dipper could swear that Bill had done something to her to make her go down such a dark career path, but he couldn't say anything; he neither had a psychology degree nor was untouched by Bill himself.

Who really knows, it could have been anything else that happened to her in those hellish four years of highschool. 

She had moved away quickly after highschool ended to learn in LA. Of course they facetime and text all the time, but the separation was still felt by both of them.

Everyone missed her presence. Her positivity, her unique personality. 

That had transformed into something much darker come junior and senior year. She found out after a few failed boyfriends that she was not only Asexual, but that guys and even girls, can’t seem to give that part of a relationship up. Some even found it offensive that she felt that way.

Dipper went back to oregon. Of course he was in the city, but on weekends he would visit the Mystery Shack and Gravity Falls. 

Soos was happy to give him one of the rooms in the basement. Sometimes even Grunkle Stan or Grunkle Ford would visit. 

They decided shortly after Dipper and Mabel left that they would travel. Of course Ford's labs still sit under the mystery shack, but when Mabel and Dipper visited Soos the summer of their junior year Ford gave them full control of the labs (as long as Dipper kept everyone safe. Which he did too much annoyance of Mabel)

Soos and his wife at that time had just had a little baby boy, and now have a comfortable four kids, two boys and two girls (three of them were triplets) and run the shack not to much better than Stan did, with the same soul in the campy attractions and overpriced merchandise. 

Wendy is in her senior year at a community college in Oregon city, right around the same place Dipper decided to go to school. They hang out pretty regularly, just around weekly.

Robby left gravity falls as soon as he got his GED. Went for New York, looking for a punk career. He sends Wendy emails every once in a while about his music and where he's at. 

Shockingly, Pacifica stayed in Oregon, going to the same college Dipper goes to. They see each other, and after leaving her family, she found a lot out about herself and became a much better person. 

She found she loved a good smoke and art. Apparently, something she hid from the world was that she loved art. She was probably one of the best artists Dipper had seen. After she left the hell hole of her family, she became really chill. Calm. even nice. 

Her and Dipper have coffee pretty much every day. She was one of the only people who also knew what he had gone through.

And she was the only person who noticed as Dipper got worse and worse for wear. 

Bill had been particularly evil the past few weeks, taking much more joy in Dippers struggle. Long ago Dipper had just sort of given up on screaming for Bill to stop. But he always refused to make a deal with him to stop the fear. Not again. 

“Another nightmare again?” Pacifica asks, as Dipper requests 5 shots of caffeine in his already bitter caffeinated black coffee. 

“Yeah. it's getting harder and harder to say no every night. And honestly the empty dorm isn't helping.” 

“Why don't you just move in with me? I've got an extra room that's got your name written on the door if you want it.” 

Dipper almost accepted, but decided against it. It was kind of weird, no matter how good of friends they were, to live with the ex that made you realized you were gay.

It wasn't her fault, it was just…

He liked a different kind of ass, as Mabel had said when he came out.

No, the daily overpriced coffee meetup was enough. 

“Have you talked about it to Ford? Hes got to know something about it if he went through the same thing?” 

“I don't want to bother them with it. They thought they got rid of Bill that summer, we all did. Bills my problem now.”

Pacifica gives him a knowing look. She knew that he was breaking, but couldn't figure out how to help him. 

“Hows journalism?” Pacifica takes her coffee as she changes the subject.

“As boring as it ever is. Graphic design?”

“As confusing as ever.” Dipper takes a big sip from his steaming coffee. It's a briskly cold morning, enough he brought out his knit set Mabel had made for him on their 18th birthday. He had no shame in wearing it, and it in fact felt comforting today, to know that she was still with him in heart at least.

She never grew out of her sweater thing. She still makes sweaters, using it to get her to the next rent payment sometimes. Everyone can count on a big box with sweaters from her every Christmas here in Oregon. 

With their coffees in hand, Dipper and Mabel head off to campus. And once they made it there they said their goodbyes with a hug and went their separate ways to start the day. 

Dipper wanders into the lecture hall for his advanced maths class. People filter in as he types away on his computer. 

The students around him wanted to be scientists, economists, etc. everyone found it weird that a creative writing major was not only taking advanced maths, this early in the morning, but was killing it. His grades spoke for themselves. 

The class starts and Dipper still types away on his computer. He had been bored the night before as he was staving off sleeping and had read a chapter ahead in their textbook. He taught himself the three hour lesson that day in an hour. 

It was no doubt that Dipper took after his great uncle Stanford. Grunkle Ford told him at one point that Dipper reminded him of a young Dr. Fiddleford. Dipper didn't really like being compared to the scientist that started a whole cult under Gravity Falls before going batshit crazy himself for a very long time.

He only hoped that he wouldn't end up like him. He didn't want to be some crazy man who roams the town. 

Dipper had a story that he needed to finish for his next class. He had started to wear away the stories of Gravity Falls with his creative writing classes that he now had to actually think about what story to write. Mabel helped him out with the premise of the story last night. So he spent that class writing a simple flash fiction of one roaming the backrooms. (an urban legend Mabel had read about in an article somewhere.)

He found comfort in knowing that one thing did not exist to him. That one thing did not sit in the pits of Gravity Falls waiting for Dipper or one of them to unearth it.

The story reminded Dipper of falling through the endless pit just outside the Mystery Shack. A hole where they reminisced on days of the summer as they spent the day, or who knows how long, falling. they were all lucky that it was not, truly, endless. 

And quickly the story was finished and the class closed early. 

Dipper went for an early lunch. He scrolls through his phone, seeing Mabels three new instagram posts and all the other people she introduced him to. 

After Mabel found out Dipper was gay, she went on a mission to hook him up with some LA guy. Oregons not terrible with their acceptance, but it's not something to be very open about. Plus Dipper wasn't the kind to walk pride without someone like Mabel hyping the both of them up. Because god knows that she needs just as much hyping up with who she is as Dipper.

When he walks into his empty apartment, anxiety wells up in Dippers chest. Quickly he turns on the TV, letting it run as white noise as he makes his lunch. The apartment had been empty since his recent relationship ended. Dipper is glad it ended, as the abuse just got too much; yet it was bad for Dipper to be left alone with his thoughts. Especially in an apartment that seemed to hold so much sadness and bad memories.

Mabel, after helping Dippers style, had made him a whole cookbook for him. It had all different kinds of foods, but the main dishes all were healthy. She had gone on a fitness rampage her sophomore year and had never truly grown out of it. It was from a bad place, but she turned it to a positive. As she always does. 

She had told him that it was the first thing other than sleep to keep alive longer. She had made him promise that he would try to stay alive. 

At this point it was the only thing keeping Dipper alive. 

Bill had taxed his mind so much it was rare to find him not paranoid. Bill made Dippers anxiety beyond chronic, and the lack of sleep did not help his depression. 

That had developed after Pacifica. It wasn't because of the break up, more at the fact that she had helped him so much. 

She had accepted him being gay. She had helped him gain friends during their relationship, and she even helped him when money wasn't the best. 

All this caused his anxiety to get to his head. 

What if they think I’m evil for breaking it off with her? What if she'll never want to see me again? What if, what if, what if…

His depression had just gotten  worse after the breakup and dealing with being alone again. It was the reason Dipper stayed with someone like that for so long. 

All of the depression and anxiety ended up crashing down at the same time Bill Cypher ended up crashing into the picture. 

At that point Bill only came to terrorise Dipper a few nights a month. It was easier to deal with.  Now it's every night.

Dipper finishes making his food, sitting down in front of the TV to watch a show on Netflix. 

He had been getting through the true crime shows. He swore that eventually he'd eventually either run a show like it with Mabel or be one of the cold cases lost to the world. 

Yet within only a few minutes Dipper not only found himself asleep, but stuck in the mindscape. 

“Been trying to avoid me, Pine Tree?”

Dipper no longer was shocked by Bill's voice. In fact the more and more he heard his voice, the more and more it began to sound almost human.

[tiny-smallest]

day one - pride

Rating: G Characters: Henry and Bendy Warnings: none Description: Henry reflects on the definition of labels and belonging in certain spaces.

Also on AO3!

---

WHO'S READY FOR THE INK DEMONTH 2021 I SURE ONCE AGAIN TOTALLY WAS YEP DEFINITELY NO LAST MINUTE ANYTHING HERE LET'S GO

Doing writing prompts again because this year has been A Lifetime and I just don't possess the ability to draw this time so let's go let's get stupid get weird enjoy the misadventures of a specific au of of Bendy and the Ink Machine where the toons are their own people in a world they still don't entirely understand and the people who love them who try to help them navigate it.

---

Henry was used to a surprising amount of things to interrupt his day first thing in the morning. Easily numbered in the hundreds. His children were toons; there was no end to the amount of crazy nonsense that they could get into when he was asleep, and that was disregarding the fact that Bendy usually slept until noon.

Sure, he was the Troublemaker In Chief. That did not mean the other two were paragons of holiness, no matter how much Alice tried glowing her halo at him while she and her brother gave him the saddest, biggest, shiniest puppy eyes. And that didn't even take into account how much trouble they could find, no mischief intended.

He'd seen smoldering breakfasts, pancakes on the ceiling, saran wrap around the kitchen archway, demonic rubber chicken noises from a saxophone that had a part replaced with the noisemaker from the novelty prank toy...

(He still didn't regret letting Boris chase Bendy for that one without intervening.)

With all that, being immediately accosted by three toons hanging off his legs the second he came down the stairs and all trying to talk to him at the same time did not magically get any easier to withstand.

"Whatever it is, it's a no until I get my coffee," he drawled as he attempted to walk with them hanging off him, the three of them dragged along with him. It was with quite some difficulty that he got to the kitchen counter.

"But Henry!" Bendy whined, "we only got a few hours to get ready if ya say yes! We need every second!"

"For what?" he yawned, pouring a cup from the machine.

"You don't know what day it is?" Alice was surprised enough to actually let go, and she dusted herself off like the lady she was before standing up.

Instantly something cold grabbed Henry's heart and squeezed. "Uh- no I...?"

Had he forgotten someone's birthday? No, it was summertime; Bendy was a winter 'birth' and Boris and Alice were spring and fall. An anniversary of some kind? Quick think what are you forgetting you useless-

"How!?" Bendy gaped at him from down below. "It's been all over the news fer weeks!"

Well okay now he was just thoroughly confused. "I um-"

"The parade, Henry!" Boris's tail was thumping gently against the floor; he was not trying one tiny ounce to hide his eagerness. "The parade that's today!"

"Parade-?" It took just one more nanosecond of thought before it clicked.

"Oh you mean the-!" And they wanted to go to it.

Well, he shouldn't be surprised. This would be the first parade they'd get to see, wouldn't it? And it was nice weather out. And it would be bursting with color, which the toons were darn near obsessed with.

He took a contemplative sip. They weren't human; god even knew if they had any sort of sexuality at all. Could they even feel that stuff? The urge to- do anything like that? Wouldn't that technically make them asexual? That was the word, right?

Well, human or not, that would solidly mean they belonged there. Queer was queer, regardless of species, right? Hell, even if they'd just started asking themselves those questions, or wanted to support the fans of theirs who fell under that giant umbrella, they were valid for being there.

"Sure, I can take you."

Both boys cheered, lifting their arms to do so and releasing his legs. He quickly took a step away from them, but their joy had them leaping to their feet anyway and he watched as they bounced around the kitchen, slowly draining his coffee and trying to curb his smile when he was actively drinking.

It was a hard task.

Their excited chatter melted pleasantly into the background as he took the time to drink and try to shake his brain awake the rest of the way awake like shaking out an old blanket to coax out the wrinkles. Their enthusiasm always made for the perfect background noise.

"What colors do you want?"

"I dunno! There's so many! I don' even know what label I fit in-"

"I saw you checkin' out that guy the other day don't think I didn't!" The wink and nudge from Bendy sent Boris blushing so hard the poor wolf's face turned nearly as black as his fur.

"I was hopin' you hadn't-"

They were all quick to consume breakfast, and Henry retreated upstairs after telling the toons to come get him when they wanted to leave.

He settled comfortably in the limitless, timeless space of art before reality came knocking with Bendy's distinctive tapping at the door, pulling Henry from the space inbetween something and nothing as he set his pen aside. "Come in, kiddo."

When Bendy stepped in with what was unmistakably a rainbow flag on his cheek and extra face paint he knew he was in for a time.

"Oh uh- what's that for-"

"For you!" Bendy said with a giant grin. "Who'd ya think?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah well- I uh-"

Bendy didn't slow down. "Anyway the others are about ready to go but they sent me up here to get your flag on while they finish up- now why they trusted me with the paint I got about as much an idea as you but hey I'm not gonna complain-"

"Aw that's- that's sweet kiddo but I sorta figured I'd just be-" How to say this. "Dropping you off...?"

Immediate confusion. "What? Why?"

"Uh well- I mean-" He fiddled with the pen- when had that ended up back in his hands? "You guys- you have a space there, you know? I'm not sure if I-"

There was now a puckered frown on the little devil's face. "Not sure if you what?"

"Well I mean- I don't exactly- belong, now do I?"

The frown multiplied its intensity by about five. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Aw jeez. He really did not want to discuss this with his kid, as much of an adult as Bendy was. For many reasons. "Uh well- you know-" He gestured, as if hoping that would somehow pluck the answer from the air and implant it in Bendy's brain without having to give voice to it, setting the pen down in the process so he’d stop playing with it. "I'm not exactly- I mean-"

"You like guys." Bendy's voice was so sure that Henry knew making any sort of denial was futile. And also kind of stupid. Why would he deny that to his own son? No of course he wouldn't.

"Well I mean- I married a woman, didn't I?" he finally blurted out.

Unimpressed blinking as he drew closer to stand beside the desk. "Yeah they got a word for that. Several actually. Most popular ones are bi and pan, so which colors is it gonna be?"

"No no I mean-" God he was probably blushing. His face definitely felt way too hot. "I uh- I mean I- I like guys, yes-" great brain thanks a ton totally needed that heart rate spiking why are you acting like that's scary this is our kid- "but I- I married a woman- I like women- more often?"

The blinking was now confused.

"Uh-" How to phrase this. "If- if we split it into a pie chart- it's probably like... thirty-seventy in favor of women?" He ran his fingers through his hair and down the back of his neck again. "I'm- not that I'm any great catch but like, if I was in any way qualified to be in the dating pool again, I'd be way more likely to end up with a lady."

The unimpressed look was back. "And?"

It was Henry's look to be surprised. "And- and that means that, you know- I'm not really-"

"You like guys."

"I- yeah?"

"And you're a guy."

"Kind of a given at this point."

"So you're a guy, and you like guys, and just also happen to like girls too. We got names for that." He gave Henry's shirt an appraising look. "Gotta say the bi colors would complement your clothes best. If you want pan colors I'm gonna have to ask you to change. As your official fashion consultant."

Henry snorted. "My what?"

"Listen Dad I love you but I ain't about to let you walk into that parade wearing like, a pineapple hawaiian shirt or nothin'."

Henry banged a fist lightly on the table and pointed at him. "Liar! You wore the exact same thing just the other day!"

"Yeah but that was to the beach, not a parade."

"Literally when have you ever cared about not being a fashion disaster."

"This time, when Alice'll actually kill me otherwise."

"... Okay you got me there."

Bendy grinned. "So, bi colors or pan colors! Or somethin' else? I think there's other ones too."

He opened his mouth, closed it again and then opened it. What the hell. "... Bi colors, I guess."

"Yesssssss I was hopin' you'd say that." He hopped over onto the table like he'd suddenly become a bunny.

"Oh you were, huh?"

"Listen, the pan folks got pretty colors, but I'm always a sucker for a sunset," he said as he pulled out the pallet he needed. Henry sighed and shook his head, the smile ruining his effort to look exasperated.

"Well. Sunset me then, I guess."

"You got it boss!" Bendy said in maybe the worst mafia minion accent known to mankind.

It was barely five minutes of Bendy painting lines carefully on his cheek before he whipped out a mirror.

"Tah-dah!"

Henry blinked at himself in the mirror. He tilted his head, something shifting inside his heart that he had no name for, no way to voice.

The once proud look on Bendy's face was swiftly dropping. "... I didn't mess it up, did I...?"

"No- no, no." Henry tilted his head. "I uh..."

Bendy's worried browlines screamed anxiety to him.

"... I guess I just look good in a sunset," he said quietly, seeing the little corner of his reflection's mouth turn up as if in some sort of hazy dream.

Better than I thought.

[failing-to-write-again]

Sakamaki Character Analysis: Cuntdelia's Children

continuing on to Cordelia's kids now. Again, they all need help in some form. Although full warning they aren't my favourites so I may not be as on point as I feel I was with Reiji and Shu.

Ayato:

So Ayato has a god complex and a narcissistic streak, why is that any why does that mean he needs the special care? Well his mum was abuisve, that's a fact. In the games we hear mentions of physical punishments as well as emotional manipulation, gas lighting, and all that other horrid stuff. Ayato is a ball of insecurities stuck in the way his mother forced on him. He has to be the best because she said she has to, and as a defense mechanism due to her constant criticism he developed his "I'm the best call me Ore-Sama" thing.

Now a lot of fanfics just see you the reader make fun of the ore-sama thing or be too depressed to even care about it, and lemme tell you why I don't think they'd actually the best thing for him. So let's say your mother, a primary care giver, puts you down all the time and makes fun of you. You grow up isolated and constantly feeling you aren't good enough but don't have anyone to talk to so internalize it all and put on an act. Then you get a person trying to date you or befriend you that does exactly what your mother did. Now when I put it like that do you see why the whole "pfft whatever oreo-sama" thing won't actually help. You'll end up dead when he snaps I'll bet money on it.

I think Ayato needs a partner who won't pander to him but won't put him down either. So when you don't want to make him takoyaki say "Not right now, I'll do it when I'm finished this level in Mario. Wanna play with me Ore-Sama?" don't say "Go do it yourself oreo-sama. Wait do you seriously not know how to make it? lol."

Furthermore push him safely. Ask for help making the takoyaki, start small with a "hey I can't reach this pan and you're super tall can you help?" as to slowly built up to "hey will you mix this sauce for me as I prepare the meat? I'll tell you what to add the ingredients are all there." I feel Ayato would benefit from this as he'll slowly realise he's learning how to do things. I think a big part of why Ayato struggles is that he was told he needed to be perfect first try and so he gets disheartened easily. Home boy needs compliments and you to not bring attention to his mistakes. Just be like "oh that's fine you can add more salt if it'd too sweet or sugar if it's too salty."

This goes for everything too he's gonna need someone who slowly teaches him, and trust me the day he realised he's learning he'll be greatfull, he won't show it much at the start but over time he'll get better. Like remember when Ayato slept with Yui in the anime? Sorta like that happens and he whispers a thank you when he thinks you're asleep. Then it slowly becomes a thing of if he knows it's just you and him in the room he won't be against putting his head on your shoulder when he needs some love.

When his grades improve you better make him takoyaki and suffocate him with hugs and compliments because he needs that to be a more open and better person.

Laito:

Laito is a hard one, because I see many s/o for him written as anti-sex who won't give into him, or those who give in whenever and I don't think either would fully work.

If you meet through a one night stand obviously you're never going to get in. I think his best chance would be a classmate he sits beside often, potentially a sacrificial bride but I'm kinda meh on that. He needs reliable no touch love before moving on to anything. So let's say he noticed you doing a crossword before class one day (it's canon he loves em) and he helps on a word or something. Now response here is everything, no swooning and "omg Laito-senpai sleep with me" crap but also don't ice queen it. Hearing "I don't want to sleep with you leave" will shut him out from you forever. I think something akin to "Oh thanks Laito, I didn't know you liked crosswords you seem pretty good at them." Now let's break this down as to why this works best in my opinion. First off you thanked him for something that had nothing to do with physical touch in anyway, second you complimented him but not on his body or skills with said body. Instead you showed appreciation for his brain. And finally the "I didn't know you liked crosswords" gives him an opening to start discussing interests other then sex.

Laito was sexually abused and I think as a result it'd need to be slow and steady with things. So holding his hand and not letting him touch the boob just yet shows you don't want sex you want him. Talking to him about things like fashion means he can do his perv on the girls for a bit before slowly toning down and starting to talk more on the outfits. He will definitely be sleeping with other people at this point, you're not dating at all. I think he'll slowly begin to appreciate the routine of having one person in his life he doesn't need to give his body to, and he may just open up about the abuse. I think being supportive and gently saying something like "well I'm not a professional so I'm not going to be much help, but if you decide to talk to a therapist I'll be there every step of the way for you." BE HIS CRUTCH.

I think he's the most likely to consider and maybe even go to therapy before dating you (I think eventually all the boys would be convinced to start going). I think it would be in therapy where he realises the fact he wants to be near you all the time isn't lust like with other girls but it's love. I imagine he'd be like "It's weird because I want to be with them all the time but fully clothed and eating macaroons or watching movies, not [the following is censored for a good reason]

I think Laito has the ability to be a great partner if he can deal with his abuse and PTSD from said abuse.

Kanato:

Kanato is a tricky case. He definitely has bipolar disorder or manic depression or some serious mental health condition past just PTSD or depression brought on by abuse. So I think he'll need medication and an actual therapist although getting him there is the hard part.

Firsts off toss the "Yeah I have a Teddy too and love sweets as well let's be 5 together" fantasy out the window, especially if the file up sentence to that is "I also like killing people, we're both crazy". Also you can't be a sacrificial bride, you'd be dead or he'd ignore your opinion.

I think maybe if you went to a therapist for a less severe issue (anxiety or something that doesn't make you STAB PEOPLE WITH FORKS) then maybe if he was following you or picking you up and had a meltdown the therapist would actually help him through it which will be like a "omg I don't have to scream to feel better" moment for him I think.

So from there he goes to therapy. He's still childish in his likes and stuff but he doesn't kill people or keep his weird ass dolls. You need to set some ground rules. "No I'm not going to make you cake unless my homework is finished and that's something I have to stick with. Remember your breathing, the longer you shout or be angry the longer you'll end up waiting for cake." Wear his pretty dresses and be nice to teddy and all that good stuff. But set limits. I see Kanato is pretty asexual, like I don't see him as the kinda guy to want sex, I don't think he's against romantic feelings for someone but I don't think he'd have sex with a s/o.

[fairymadnessyeah]

BNHA Ship to Finish the Year

ShishiKoda (Shishida Jurota x Koda Koji)

Canon

Before anything, two important things.

Koda is non-binary, pronouns they/them. Also, Koda is selectively deaf.

They only talk with the people who are close to them, with animals, or if they absolutely need to.

I believe that there are a lot of types of heroes, there are daytime heroes, underground heroes, infiltration heroes, etc.

And one of those types, that is rather new, is the eco-hero. They are heroes who, apart from fighting against crime, they also fight for the planet and the animals.

Both Shishida and Koda are Eco-heroes.

I feel like they would start working on the same agency at first, being desk mates.

Koda is selectively deaf, so they communicate with sign language. But not everybody knows, so Shishida translates and gives out the number of a good ASL teacher.

It makes them grow closer, and that is how they start branching out towards the Eco-heroics.

They find an agency that works kind of like Greenpeace having mission out in the world to help with the environment.

They first start local, their first missions aren't even together. Koda is sent to a zoo protest, and Shishida to a stop a deforestation.

They do have to re-study some laws for this job though. UA might be a great school, but they can't teach you everything.

They study together, with Shishida making the coffee and Koda bringing some of the cakes their roommate Satou bakes.

Satou, who is very protective of his roommate and friend Koda, notices that something is going on. But when he asks about it, Koda shrugs it off with pink cheeks.

Shishida doesn't have any roommates, but he still hangs out with his friends from class B. I imagine one day, they drop by uninvited and interrupt one of their study hang out. 

Koda understands and leaves, but the class B boys can feel the sparks in the air.

They tease him non-stop about it, while Shishida tries to deny it.

"Somebody got a crush~," "No, I don't,"

"I bet you want to take them out to that new restaurant you were talking about," "As friends,"

"You should ask them out! They looked ready to pick up what you were giving," "I won't,"

"You are afraid they'll say no and then don't talk to you again, aren't you?" "Terrified,"

Shishida would ask Koda out, but they are so shy that he is afraid that if he does, the relationship they have been building up will crumble.

But that's okay, Shishida can wait.

They keep working and hanging out together, and then one day, they are put on a mission together. This mission takes place in the Amazon, on Brazil.

The two need to travel, and while they are there, Shishida asks Koda out.

They say yes, and when they go back to Japan, they make it official and become the significant other of one another.

I like thinking that Satou starts acting like a protective big brother to Koda and glares at Shishida when he comes to pick him up for dates.

Family

Koda is the only child of a single mother. She doesn't have a name yet, but I think she is a like a 50's mom.

She bakes cookies, she dances to the music of the radio, and leaves lipstick marks on your cheeks when she kisses you.

I also love the idea that no matter who you are, no matter what you are doing, you are going to get greeted with a bear hug by Koda's mom. 

Shishida was not ready. I also like the idea that Shishida has a bun on for the first meeting. He would look so dapper in one.

I also think he would use his strength as a good selling point. Oh, Miss Koda's earing fell under the dishwasher? No worries, Shishida will lift it with his bare hands and place it back where it was once she got it.

I have no ideas as to who Shishida's parents could be, but one thing is for sure, Koda wants to crawl under their bed and stay there until the night passes.

They are a mess and get anxious thinking about it. On the drive there, Koda's mind conjures situation after situation, and how bad and disastrously are all going to end up.

Of course, nothing like that happens.

Shishida's parents are nice and know sign language, so they can communicate no problem.

I don't think they would have kids, but I kind of seeing them moving from the big city and settling in a small village with a giant lot where they rescue animals.

They are some of the only heroes around the small town, along with a few others, and nothing much happens. 

But considering the hectic years they spent as heroes and as students, a nice, quiet town seems like a good option.

When Koda moved out of the apartment, Satou cries and hugs him, while saying that he'll miss them. It's a sad day, but they keep in contact.

Also, their house is so big that both classes come for reunions, and they are even able to bring their kids. 

They have a rehabilitation program, but some of the animals they rescued aren't able to go back to the wild, so they have a few rescued pets.

They have a fox, who ended up blind after getting caught in a trap. His name is Red, and it likes to scare their mailman by screaming at him. Have you ever heard a fox? It's crazy AF!

They also have an owl inside the house. It was hit by a moving car, and it damaged its wing, making it unable to fly. Its name is Big eyes, and sometimes it chills with Shishida in the library.

They also have a wild horse on the back. They called it Hone, in dedication to Honenuki because when the Hone smiles, which it does a lot, its smile looks like their ex-classmate.

Hone was rescued from a circus, and is now living a retirement on their home.

AU - Tarzan AU

So, you might read Tarzan AU, and think:

"Well, Shishida could make a good Tarzan. He is wild, hairy, curious, and kind of look likes bigfoot when he uses his quirk. It makes sense that he would be Tarzan,"

But you are wrong. This is a different Tarzan AU.

For once, it happens in the woods instead of the jungle. So our Tarzan is closer to civilization than the classic.

Koda was just a small three-year-old when, on a camping trip, their parents died. They were crossing a stream when the bridge broke, and they feel into the river. Their parents drown and died of hypothermia, but Koda somehow survived.

They were taken care of by the animals. Because, yes, they speak in this AU, but only Koda can understand them.

Koda lives like a cryptid, and becomes an urban legend of the woods. They are known as the creature-man. Many go into the woods to get a peak or a capture them on a picture.

The people know them to be a generous being. If you get lost in the woods, they will guide you back home. If you get hurt, you may find yourself healed by the next morning.

Shishida is new in town, recently graduated from college and has a psychology degree.

He doesn't believe in the existence of creature-man, and thinks it's just a tourist attraction. 

The rest of the town tries to convince him, but he is a stubborn one.

But one day, a couple of his friends invite him on a hike on the woods. They are hoping that with this trip, he might start believing in Creature-man.

The storm catches them by surprise. It comes out of nowhere, and it makes Shishida slip and roll down a hill. He hits his head on and blacks out, but when he wakes up, he is not alone.

Koda found him and started taking care of him. Shishida had a concussion and a broken arm, so Koda couldn't take him back out of the forest.

Shishida, now an absolute believer of Creature-man, takes them to his home, to re-introduce them to society.

He starts by cleaning them and dressing them, but it's not as easy as he believed it would be. Koda is afraid of everything, and knows nothing of the world.

Shishida doesn't tell the rest of the town about having their cryptid creature on his home. He knows that they will freak out and want to see him, and that could overwhelm Koda.

But one day, Koda freaks out, and runs back to the forest. The whole town finds out, and questions Shishida.

He explains that Koda, is not a creature, but a person who grew up in the woods and was not introduced into society.

The people decide to leave Koda alone, but Shishida feels a deep conection with them. He feels responsable for them, and doesn't want to see them hurt.

He visits them daily, and starts writing a psychology book on them.

Fanon Opinion

I can't see Koda having sex.

I just can't. Maybe it's their shy demeanour, their muteness or the way they look, but I can't see it.

I think I might headcanon them as asexual to much for me to picture him in sexual acts.

I think this is a cute couple, but it's very cracky.

There is no content for them. No pictures, nothing written, there isn't even a ship name.

I think that whoever requested these two, took somebody from class A and then somebody from class B that is not that known, and paired them together.

They have only one interaction, when they faced against each other on the A vs B battle. 

But, weirdly enough, they make sense together.

They are the personification of looks like they could kill you, but it's a cinnamon roll x looks like a cinnamon roll, and it's a cinnamon roll.

If there ever is a veterinarian x librarian AU, they would be perfect for it.

Like, Koda is super sweet and shy, and Shishida is a gentleman, who dresses in suits.

 I think they also make sense to me due to their quirks. 

Shishida looks like an animal when he is all big and hairy, and Koda can talk to animals.

It's a weird ship, however.

But it definitely deserves more love.

It's also not that impossible to happen. They are the same age, they go to the same school, they are in the same career, same side.

I know this is short, but there is nothing to go on with this couple.

It's a background character with an even less important character.

[sortavibing]

Hii could I request a matchup please?

My name is Eva, i'm 17 and any pronouns work for me.

I'm asexual but for a romantic relationship i usually prefer boys.

I'm 5'2 and i have grayish blue hair at the moment. I don't stick to any specific clothing style, I usually just wear what I like tho. I have pretty big eyes ( I used to be called an alien bc of them when i was little) and I am half russian.

I am a libra sun, leo moon, sag rising and an ESTP 8w7. I was told that i am pretty intimidating when you first meet me, but after you get thru this facade i am usually a really hyper person. I joke around all the time and sometimes i can be pretty mean but nothing too bad. I love anything that gives me an adrenaline rush (i'd risk anything most of the time just to have fun). I really like having late night talks and laughing with my friends. I dislike when i'm told what to do and when people pry into my life. I usually like to keep things light hearted in my relationships. My favourite color is blue (many of my friends have told me that they associate me with it bc my ig account is blue themed and i've had blue hair for almost 2 years now). I am really interested in the spiritual side of life.

My top kin is Ryo from devilman crybaby, and from haikyuu i kin Tendo and Oikawa

In a relationship I look for a partner that will keep things exciting between us and is able to make me laugh a lot.

(thank you in advance for this♡)

hi eva! thank you for requesting! ack i tried to dye my hair grayish blue, but i didn’t tone my hair or bleach it enough, so now it’s a really dark greenish color and i am suffering😐 anyways here’s your matchup!

generating matchup...

matchup: complete

i match you up with tendou!

what first drew him to you was how you shared a lot of the same traits as you did, so he was really excited that he found someone who is able to be as chaotic and spontaneous as he is. he immediately wanted to get to know you better. he wasn’t really phased that you first came off as intimidating, and you guys quickly became really close with each other.

tendou will ask you to dye his hair, and tell you to surprise him with any style or color that you think would look good. so far, he has had nearly every color of the rainbow, different clumps of hair dyed different colors, and that greyish blue you have so he could match with you. his favorite color so far was hot pink, and he has done it at least 3 times.

he loves to listen to you rant about whatever comes to mind, and he will be sure to chime in and agree or disagree with whatever you are saying. you guys have gotten into playful arguments about the stupidest things like if a frog worked at mcdonalds would they get paid the same amount as a human. you guys do get deep sometimes, but most of your conversations are on crack and it’s god tier comedy.

tendou will call you at like 3am and just bother you until you sneak out of your house, and for the rest of the morning you guys will just go insane, like mixing different energy drinks, climbing statues, and vandalizing cars (with washable chalk spray paint :)). tendou’s snapchat story is full of blurry pics and videos of you guys doing this shit, and at this point, people are so used to it that they don’t even question what you and tendou are doing.

he thinks your eyes are really pretty, and he will never stop telling you just how beautiful they are. he has experienced people calling him mean names in his childhood as well, so he just wants you to know that everyone who was mean to you was full of shit and they were all lying through their teeth.

tendou loves when you surprise him by going to his games. he definitely plays better when you are watching him, and whenever he successuflly shuts down a block, he will scream “DID YOU SEE THAT EVA!” and point at you. after the game, he will show you his teammates, and he will keep on talking about how lucky he is to have you, and you are his good luck charm.

one of your first dates with him was at a boardwalk amusement park, where you guys just went crazy and went on all of the highest, scariest rides with like no breaks in between, and it was just one adrenaline rush after another. after you guys finished every ride you wanted to go on, you and tendou got some ice cream and walked down the shore to calm both of your nerves down, and tendou chases the seagulls while you laughed and took videos.

every few weeks, you guys have late night karaoke sessions in the comfort of your room, and you and tendou just sing (pretty badly) all those loud, fork in a blender type beat kinds of songs (money machine, NEVER MET!, molly, etc.) while jumping on the bed and just enjoying each others company.

he loves to give you his hoodie, or let you wear one of his jerseys because it shows everyone that you are with him, and you aren’t afraid to tell people that you are his s/o. since most people didn’t want anything to do with him when he was younger, you not being ashamed to say that you are his s/o makes him feel much more accepted and happy with himself.

overall, you guys are such a chaotic couple, and whenever you guys are together, it’s just a constant loop of “what crazy shit will we do next”, and it’s honestly the best thing ever. you guys care about each other very much, and tendou just wants you to know how beautiful and funny you are, so he will tell you at every chance he gets.

i hope you enjoyed! i’m trying out this sort of new layout, and i think it’s nice so imma do this from now on :)

[gamergirluprising]

Alastor’s Possible Backstory, Emotional, And Mental State.

Okay, so, I find Alastor from Hazbin Hotel one of the few characters that interest me due to his sheer mysterious aura. He has a lot of secrets and I’d like to dissect this man down to his mannerisms, his beliefs, his (low-key/high-key?) pessimistic view of life, and his use of voodoo. I personally am not a fan of the said show since it’s pretty vulgar and hasn’t caught my attention due to the possible problems I see in the show (Why the heck did the God in this universe allow a hierarchy to take place AND give people superpowers by turning them into magical animals and such? Why did he even make a Hell?) 

But anyway, I’m not here to discuss my likes and dislikes about the show, I'm here to discuss the Radio Demon and what could have possibly happened in his life as a child to start this craziness and explain his complex personality, mental state, and emotional state. Alrighty with that being said, LET’S DISSECT!

ＭＥＮＴＡ L~𝓔𝓜𝓞𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝𝓐𝓛 ~BEGINNING

Dude’s got a mental problem fam, and I'm not saying this just cause this man’s teeth are as yellow as Bill Cipher’s entire existence. No, no, no this man is crazy for not just his unhinged need to see other’s fail and to have utter and complete control(Will tackle later) he’s crazy for his huge narcissistic behavior. Dude, Honestly thinks he’s better than everyone and ONLY allows those he thinks are worthy into his “friend” circle. I quote friend because I’m not too sure how exactly and deeply he feels about Rosie aside from their relationship being like Jack and Mary from Mary Poppins Returns, as stated by Vivzie on twitter. He finds those who don’t always smile as people who are WEAK and LAUGHABLE and regardless of how they are, he still finds them to be weak, which BY GOD is such a flawed way of thinking GEEZ. Now after reading about Alastor and becoming more intrigued, I decided to do research on his behavior and when and how it starts. 

𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐦 has 9 defining traits. I’ll go over a few that I’ve noticed.

1. He really thinks he’s more important than anyone else and has shown this through his mannerisms, the way he speaks, his vibe and just his general character scream “I’m better than you!”

2. HE LOVES SHOWING OFF! Dude can’t seem to get enough of the spotlight, thus why he LOVES to broadcast his carnage on the radio! Why else would he do so!? He finds constant admiration and respect when he does his “little” display of power!

3. Now, we ALL know he has done some pretty...gruesome things to claim strength and be seen as the strongest, even when there are others who are stronger he displays himself as if he is more dominating and wouldn’t waste his time with, how you say, vermin. This is evident by his response to Vox

You can find where I found this here at Faustisse’s cleanup and Inking vid of the upcoming Alastor Comic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_15UYpcWJ_Q

In case it is too hard to read due to the bad quality, Alastor is saying “Show off all that and no cattle.” which is pretty much  “all hat, no cattle” (or, alternately, “big hat, no cattle”) which refers to someone who is all talk with no action, power, or substance behind his/her words. I’d applaud this power move, and still kinda do, if it weren’t for this dudes BIG HEAD lol.

BUT, you get the point, the dude is an egomaniac! “We already knew this, I mean DUH!” you say to me pinching the bridge of your nose. “Why do you point out the obvious?!”

Well, notice how severe and prevalent these traits are. Don’t you find it odd how this dude has SEVERE megalomania? Well, I did research and found out that Narcissism has a very sad connection most of the time and affects males more than females.

at https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/causes-of-npd here’s what I found

Notice the parental factors during early childhood are all abuse-related. This could very well be one, if not the main reason, why Al is the way he is: He was abused as a child! And to make matters worse, as I was looking deeper into this, I noticed that sexual abuse is ANOTHER factor, which would explain why Alastor doesn’t like being touched without consent or by surprise but will GLADLY invade other’s personal space to feel in control (He's a hypocrite like that). Sexual assault victims ALSO don’t like being touched without consent so this just adds more proof to my claim! And serial killers tend to have a rough family life and have been molested, taken advantage of, neglected, or all of the above! 

It’s also come to my attention that Alastor enjoys talking with women more than men for 2 reasons. 1) Alastor finds it easier and more enjoyable to talk with women. 2) He finds men to be dumb brutes at least in hell.

I give COMPLETE CREDIT to @dollymoon

Thank you for the awesome amount of facts you’ve provided! RESPECT! https://www.tumblr/dollymoon

Alastor most likely has a very harsh grudge against the world due to his treatment as a young child. His abuse, and possible loss of his mother growing up, lead to him finding joy in seeing those suffer and fail EVERY SINGLE TIME! Notice the way he talks creepily to Charlie about watching sinners “Repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pits of F A I L U R E.” Look at this man’s face as he’s saying this! The man looks turned on with the VERY fact of people suffering, that’s his kink, y’all, he a damn sadist! (No, being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have kinks, I’ve checked, lol. Got you fam.) Ima kink shame the hell out of this man (Pun-unintended) 

Ahem, anyway, this dude has got a hate boner for the world and finds relief when exacting pain on others because he feels wronged and feels the world is to blame. He does seem to acknowledge and accept that where he’s at is the end of the road for those who want to change, their chance was when they were alive, and has accepted that this is the natural order of things and they can’t fix that. I had this vibe that he must have gone to church as a kid due to his mom being religious and he loved his mom so he obeyed, Has been stated by Faustisse that he’s a mama’s boy, BUT remember, Vivzie said anything that comes out of HER mouth is what’s canon. Unless she has already stated it as fact any other info can’t be trusted. (Even though this info is PAINSTAKINGLY clear just by him mentioning his mother’s cooking and it just makes too much sense, lol.)

So he must have grown up to be low-key violent but with manners like he practiced being slick and suave in order to trick people into trusting him so that he may kill them without getting caught, which would work perfectly with him not chasing people due to his moral code. He practiced and practiced and seeing as how he was well-off in his later years, I’d assume he started doing his radio schtick when he was in his early 20s or at the age of 18. So he began when the roaring 20s was just starting, a new beginning for him! 

Alastor's name means "he who does not forget", "avenger", "persecutor", "tormenter", "one who suffers from divine vengeance".

(This also makes me think his real name is Alexander/Alexandre since it's the exact opposite of his Hell-Name and more interestingly, in terms of name-giving traditions, between the latter half of the Spanish period (1790-1803) and the beginning of Jim Crow Segregation (1893-1964), gallicized names of classical Greek and Roman origins dominated in Loiusiana. This may be due, in whole, or in part, to the fact that New Orleans had North America’s (excluding Central America and the Caribbean) first Opera Houses and Theatres, owned, frequented and operated by Creoles from Louisiana, Cuba and Saint-Domingue/Haiti. Adonis is my second choice since It literally means "handsome man" and that would totally fit him for his handsomeness to the fact I feel that his mom would def name him this outside of Alexander/Alexandre.) http://www.mylhcv.com/common-creole-names-for-males/

This is a HEAVY hint to what happened in his life and why he’s so drawn to seeing people fail and helps hold my theory together quite a bit, if not a lot. Of all the names to give this dude, he was given a name that legit is on par with the word “Vengeance” and “Avenger”. Vengeance for what? Avenge who? He was wronged. He possibly is angered also by the death of his mother, who was most likely his ONLY ray of light. He is a broken man who most likely has insecurities, based on the info of narcissism which tells us that narcissistic people are the most insecure sorts of people. Alastor is aware of this and sees it as a weakness, something to be culled and hidden from the world never seeing the light of day. His only way of making himself feel stronger and more in control was through voodoo and cannibalism. Many Cannibals believe to be the bees-knees since they go a step FURTHER into crime by devouring their victims and placing themselves into a rank different and more feared by the rest. They see that no one else would even have the balls to attempt to reach that spot, which again leads back to the way Alastor thinks. He just adds oil to the fire when doing voodoo and doing BLOOD RITUALS which you can see him doing when attacking Sir Pentious!  https://twitter.com/hntrgurl13/status/1197918059836690433?s=20

Dude has so much baggage that he hides behind a smile he thinks ALONE brings strength like niBBa are you serious? I’d like to see this man try and say that to the faces of strong people like Superman, Goku, Midoriya, Naruto, Broly, Wonder Woman, GOD. Yo even GOD shows emotions. Wanna know why these beings are strong? It ain’t just cause they smile, Nah, it’s cause they’re determined or the very literal embodiment of determination. they have a damn balance and that strength helps them smile through the pain, they don’t need to exhibit a smile to be strong cause them being themselves and having the strong mentality is what gives them strength, not a damn smile. Watch Charlie hit him with the good old reality check when the man attempts to freaking take over her joint (Both hotel and hell) and she proves strength ain’t just gained through smiling or dominating others. He high-key sounds weak for even having that mindset, only weaklings think like this. He has a very weak view of life which brought forth a monster, or should I say DEMON.

Here’s the info of him not liking being touched.

I’d also like you guys to keep in mind that Vivzie has stated that none of the characters have split personalities, proving Al knows EXACTLY what he's doing.

It’s all them but some have a DUALITY to them. As hinted at by the word "dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often(but not always) with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil. If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there's a duality. Notice how Alastor also has a duality in him. What kind tho? Remember those shadows that follow him everywhere? Yeah I'm pretty sure those shadows represents his duality in some way, shape, or form.

I also forgot to add that Masochism and Sadism both ALSO stem from the same things Narcissism does or similar things like being sexually abused as a kid. Remember not all cases are the same, I just wanted to put that out there (Not sure If Al is still a Masochist since that’s old info from him being just a deer and liked it when people tried to kill him.)

So in conclusion:

-Dude was possibly abused as a child by his Father

-he hates society/the world due to his terrible child life

-He possibly feels shame for what he has done and thus has accepted his fate

-He loves his mama and MOST LIKELY hates his father who probs is the one who did him a terrible service for just being his father growing up, this would explain his view on men as well

-He also feels shame for being so weak to even allow his father or any male figure to do what they did to him

-Man gets turned on when seeing people like sinners suffer.

KEEP. IN. MIND. None of this excuses his terrible behavior and excuses for being so power-hungry, He’s an interesting character and I love his quirks but he is by no means a victim without faults. He is a product of society and that’s sad but he needs to pay for his horrible actions. Cannibalism is going to far, using you and your victim’s blood for voodoo isn’t excusable, and just killing someone for the sake of vengeance won’t make the pain go away, so nothing he does that involves harming people is cute or a way to suppress his anger, which he’ll have to learn the hard way in this story, I bet. Hopefully, it’s done well cause he’s still very much a bad guy regardless of the fact that he is aiding charlie.

WHEW, that was a long post, one of my longest ones! I really wanted to write out my thoughts on this character cause I’m ALWAYS intrigued by the mystery characters like him withhold. They tend to have hints to their behavior and it was really fun traveling through the possibilities of his nature. I’m probably 100% wrong about all of what I said since I am still not sure about everything and I researched as much as I could. I wouldn’t have had such an easy time if it wasn’t for @dollymoon and their amazing efforts to inform the community, y’all crazy but y’all dedicated so respect. I am not part of the community so I wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint all the info and more. So this is my piece on Alastor the Radio Demon, a.k.a dude who looks like he’s taken ecstasy. 

P.S

-Why is this man wearing a torn up and ragged jacket when he can easily make himself a better freaking jacket? The man wore a one that was fresh as hell during his reprise, so what gives?! and why in God’s name is his damn teeth yellow? How you gonna say “You're never fully dressed without a smile” but got on one of the dirtiest smiles I’ve ever freaking seen? I'd rather not smile and be strong than to wear my clothes at its dirtiest(his smile I mean). Ain’t no way in the fresh hell would I invite an edgy radioman, who I know does voodoo, into my damn house, I am too black/Haitian for that bull.

-Y’all finna tell me why y’all falling for a man who canonically has stank breathe...?

At least clean his damn teeth and give him a mint first, D A M N people!

again, thank you very much @dollymoon

but yeah, that’s my theory y’all, hope you enjoy and sorry for the constant repetition in here! DISSECTION OVER. . .

[phoenixmakeswords]

Broken Wings And Dragon Dreams Ch. 1

Trigger Warnings: Domestic violence, child abuse mention

The shattering of glass stirs me from my sleep. The stench of smoke fills the air, saturating the warm afternoon air. So much for my nap. Panic fills my lungs. The hospital is on fire. I can’t stay here or I’ll die, even though my mom told me to stay inside here unless I was hunting.

I hear the flames crackling downstairs. I don’t know if I can use the back stairs on the west side of the old sanitarium. So, I crash through a window.

My good wing beats against the air for a heartbeat. My bad one tries to, instinctively, but it does no good. I crash painfully into the hard ground. The impact drives the breath from my lungs.

I clamber to my feet, breathing heavily. I have to get out of here. I don’t know where to go.

My feet pound the pavement as I run away.

“Let’s get us a dragon, boys!” a male voice shouts behind me. He has a strident voice that grates on my nerves.

I run harder. I’m far from quiet. I’m big and clunky. It makes me too easy to be found. I can’t take to the sky. Not since a storm knocked me from a tree and broke my wing.

I stick to the main road south out of Robinson. Maybe someone will see me and take mercy on me.

They’re getting closer, the revving of their truck’s engine sending spikes of an adrenaline through my veins.

There’s a small brick house up ahead with a light blue square body truck parked in the driveway. The driver is still in it. The truck itself looks familiar; it looks like the one my boyfriend had when we were in high school…before I turned into a dragon.

I skid to a stop a foot away from the truck. I don’t know how to get the driver’s attention other than screeching loudly.

The driver’s door opens slowly, followed by the driver slowly climbing out. I’d know this face anywhere. The boy I loved has turned into a man. He still looks very much the same. I’ve missed Aaron more than I thought possible.

“Easy, bud. Easy. You’re okay. Does your wing hurt? Is that the problem?” he murmurs soothingly in the baby talk voice people use for animals.

Rasping, I jerk my head towards my pursuers. They’re very nearly on us.

I flinch when a car door slams behind me. I haven’t been around people in the time I’ve been a dragon. This has me terrified. I don’t want to die.

“Can’t get away from me, can you?” Strident Voice taunts.

“I’m not dealing with you, Bryce. Get off my property or I call the cops.” Aaron’s low voice hasn’t changed since I heard it last. I could be wrong, but he sounds scared. I don’t know what Bryce has done to him but I think I like the man even less now.

“You know they won’t do anything. After all, who cares about a dead Mexican?”

I launch myself at Bryce with a screech.

How dare you threaten him! Who do you think you are? What’s wrong with you? My mind whirls with anger.

I don’t know what exactly I plan on doing to Bryce. I don’t want to kill him. I’m not a monster. I’m not a murderer. I don’t want him to hurt Aaron. That’s all I care about.

Bryce gets in his shiny red truck before I can catch him. I slide to a stop near his door and glare.

“Get your dragon or I shoot it,” Bryce threatens, pulling out a handgun.

“Bud, come on. Let him go,” Aaron says quietly.

I obey him easily. I’d do anything for him. Even now.

He has to bring me inside the house using the French back doors; my wings make me too wide to fit through the front door, especially with the awkward angle my broken wing hangs at.

Navigating his tiny kitchen isn’t easy, considering I’m roughly horse-sized. He tries to stay out of the way.

I make my way into the living room. So far I haven’t toppled any furniture.

“I’ll feed you in a minute, okay? You eat meat, right?” he says quietly, settling into a battered blue couch.

His living room is large enough I can comfortably lie down, so I do. It doesn’t hold any clues about him or what his life is currently like. The pale yellow walls are nearly empty of decoration, except for two abstract paintings that Aaron probably made. There’s a few books, movies, and video games on a shelf by the door. His home doesn’t seem warm.

I croak softly and move to rest my head on his knee. He rubs my forehead shakily.

“I just left Bryce last month. We’d been living together. And he—I didn’t fix his lunch. I forgot. I’m under a lot of stress at work sometimes. So I forgot. I didn’t mean to. I apologized. He knocked me down the stairs,” he whispers hoarsely. “That was after he beat me. Our neighbor saw; she called the cops. They didn’t do anything. Wouldn’t do anything.”

He’s a domestic violence survivor. It floors me. I don’t want to think about someone putting him through what my mom and I went through.

“I was afraid he would kill me. I deserved being hit. And screamed at. I should’ve been a better boyfriend. He was within his rights to hit me. He has a gun. He knows where I live now.” He makes a soft sound in the back of his throat.

I know what it looks like when he has an anxiety attack. I know how quiet he gets. The way he rubs at his wrists in tiny circles. The look in his eyes like he’s watching the world end. He has that look now.

It takes me back to the night he came out to me as ace. We’d been dating for a couple weeks when I saw him have one of his worst anxiety attacks.

“You’re okay. You’re safe,” I murmur gently, rubbing his back as he throws up. “I still love you. I still want you.”

I keep assuring him that he’s okay and cherished until he calms down. I’ve seen him have anxiety attacks before and helped him through them, but I’ve never seen him have one this bad. It takes forever for him to calm down.

“Did you mean that?” he asks quietly. “You still love me?”

“Yeah, I did. I’m not going anywhere.” I wipe his face tenderly.

“I thought it would be a dealbreaker.” He toys with the black ring on the middle finger of his right hand.

What kind of person would I be if I left him because he’s asexual? He mentioned he would like to try having sex at some point. Even if he hadn’t, even if that wasn’t on the table, I’m still head over heels, crazy stupid in love with him. Besides, I have a good imagination.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I repeat, resting my forehead against his.

I don’t know how to help now. I don’t have thumbs. I can’t rub his back.

I lick his face. It’s the best I can do.

He flinches and pushes me away. Cocking my head inquisitively, I chirp softly. I hadn’t meant to upset him. I wanted to help.

He looks bad, I realize, taking a step back.

If the circles under his brown eye are any indication, he hasn’t been sleeping. There’s a hollowness to his cheeks. His olive skin has taken on an ashy tint I don’t particularly care for. A fading bruise marks his right eye, and there’s another along his jaw. I don’t like this.

It feels like forever before he’s okay again. I preen my feathers while I wait.

“Thank you for being a good baby,” he tells me as he clambers off the couch.

I butt him in the back lightly before padding after him through the doorway to my right.

It’s his bedroom. His room looks even emptier of his personality than the living room. A battered leather jacket hangs on the wall. His bed is made neatly with a teal comforter. He never made his bed before; the one exception was if I was coming over because he didn’t want me to think he was a slob. It doesn’t look like he lives here.

“Dude. You are not following me to the bathroom,” he tells me.

I pause in the bedroom doorway. Fitting in his room will be tough anyway.

He’s texting someone when he comes back.

“Letting my friends know about Bryce,” he explains. “Can I get through please?”

I step back so he can move past me.

A heartbeat later, he stops in front of me. I nearly walk into his back.

“Why did I explain to you who I was texting and why? You’re a dragon. You’re not Bryce. It’s not like you’re gonna rip into me and accuse me of cheating. Or break my phone. Or my face. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it.” He opens the fridge and pulls out a soda.

I hate hearing him make excuses for Bryce. It reminds me of my mom defending my dad. Of how I defended him. Aaron was the one who made me doubt that. It isn’t right for that to have changed.

He hums softly as he cooks ramen noodles in the microwave. I don’t recognize the song, but that doesn’t mean anything. I haven’t been human for a long time. Not since that night.

The memories I had been suppressing since Aaron rescued me rush to the forefront of my mind and I can’t escape this time.

Aaron kisses me hungrily as he pushes me into the bed. My hands splay against the warm skin of his bare back. I have my sexy boyfriend on top of me and all is right in the world.

My bedroom door flies open with a bang, startling both of us. He wasn’t supposed to be home. That’s why I had Aaron over. Why we were making out in my bed. It was supposed to be safe. We were supposed to be safe.

“What’s this?” he demands, dragging Aaron off me.

“Please, it was my idea! Not his. I…seduced him,” Aaron replies, moving to get between us. He sounds frantic. Anxious. I feel the same way.

It hurts that he’s covering for me. That he’s putting himself in danger for me. I’m not worth that, no matter how much we love each other.

“Please don’t hurt him. It was my fault,” Aaron pleads.

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do to my son!” The sound of his fist connecting with Aaron’s nose is too loud in my small room.

“Go. I’ll be okay,” I murmur, squeezing Aaron’s hand gently. I’m lying. I know Aaron knows I’m lying. I don’t want to lie to him. I hate it. But I don’t want to see him hurt. I love him too much for that.

He gazes at me with teary, pain-filled brown eyes and my heart breaks.

“Aaron. Go.”

He leaves with a choked sob.

I’m gonna die. And I don’t want him to see that.

“You okay, buddy?” Aaron asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

I stare at him blankly.

“What do dragons even think about?” he muses quietly, scratching my forehead.

I can’t speak for actual dragons, but all I’m thinking about right now is how badly I want to be human again.

[no-longer-an-alley-cat]

A myth (or collection of myths) for a goddess of a particular pantheon heavily inspired by @thestalkerbunny’s “Grandmother Beetroot” comic.

Tabha is the goddess of familial ties and volcanoes. Within the pantheon she is associated more with the sun god, which means that she does not abide outright lies and does not kill.

Also worth noting: Rozia is the goddess of privacy, medicine, and magic, and the River Zed is domain of Zayla, an aromantic, asexual goddess whose preisthood serves a legitimate way for people to escape the obligations of marriage in this setting. ‘Jadda’ is an anglicisation of the Modern Standard Arabic for grandmother.

Jadda Tabha

Jadda Tabha lives high up on the slopes of the mountain, growing her crops in the rich volcanic soil. She does not live alone; the hunting cats and soaring eagles keep her company and she keeps many hives. When people ask her about what sort of company such wild companions can provide, she laughs and tells them that the creatures help her keep an eye on things. She never specifies what things.

Jadda Tabha has a mane of grey hair that glimmers with gold when the sun hits it. It frames her face like an old lion’s mane, making her stone-grey eyes seem fiercer and her olive-brown skin more weathered. This is merely an appearance, however, she is always pleasantly warm whatever the weather and gives the best hugs. 

Like many old people, Jadda Tabha moves slowly. She makes her way down the mountainside at the same steady pace in torrential rain as she does in the blistering sun. Travellers who have accompanied her up or down say that the paths she knows are less steep than the ones they can find on their own. Children who take it into their heads to attempt to climb to the peak are guided back down in less time than it takes to organise a search party with their scrapes tended to and their fears soothed by a piece of honey candy.

If you make the journey up to Jadda Tabha’s hut, you can hear the magma inside the mountain bubbling away in the crater further up the track and it sounds almost like a huge cauldron. She smiles when people tell her this and says that she has no need for a cauldron that big, she is only cooking for herself. Much of the food she grows she gives to the village people — she says she plants so much to give the bees something to do.

It is easy to talk to Jadda Tabha. She is a solid presence.

Dependable.

Once she overheard a young man boasting that he would marry only the ugliest eligible person because they were sure to be grateful and not ask him to do work around the house. Jadda Tabha gave him a cream to rub on his face before bed that would surely make even the prettiest person grateful to marry him.

He did so but noticed no change, so he when he next saw Jadda Tabha in town, he accosted her. “The cream did not work,” he told her. “I haven’t received any proposals since I used it.”

“Ah,” she said in her slow and steady way, “what did you do in the waking hours before you used the cream?” The man spluttered that he didn’t see how it mattered, but under her inexorable stare he admitted that he had spent the days lying around his parents’ house and drinking with his friends. Jadda Tabha clucked her tongue. “The cream requires the sweat of a day’s labour to work,” she explained. “Do you have a patch of land to clear, perhaps?”

“Why?” the young man demanded, brash like young men often are. “What sort of medicine are you giving me that requires me to help it?”

“Would you rather I give you someone else’s sweat to rub on your face?” Jadda Tabha asked, and the man admitted that he would not. 

And so he went to work, tilling the plot of land his ageing parents struggled with and applying the cream to his face each night. Each day he needed to do slightly more work to work up a sweat, and before the tub was half done he was tending to the farm all by himself and attracting many admiring glances from those that valued a committed partner who knew how to moisturise. 

One time a pair of feuding siblings came to her, a frosty silence hanging between the two broken only by pointed remarks made to a third party. It was difficult to tease out the reasons for the broken relationship, but Jadda Tabha was patient and while the siblings broke their silence to scream at each other she pieced together that a new baby sister was at the centre of the current storm. The elder sibling, having moved out before the arrival of the sister, accused the younger of trying to keep her away from the baby while the younger accused her sibling of trying to ‘steal’ her little sister from her.

“A baby is not a toy,” Jadda Tabha said, easily making her voice heard over the warring siblings. “Just because she can’t talk yet doesn’t mean that she’s an object to be stolen.”

“Yes, Jadda Tabha,” the siblings chorused, showing that they had been taught their manners, at least. But Jadda Tabha discerned that these were just words, and the sentiments here would not be so easily changed.

“Perhaps there is a way to test which of you is best equipped to play with this child,” she said carefully. “There are a few kittens I have been nursing after their mother tragically died. You will each take one and look after it for three nights; when you return them they will tell me which of you did the better job.”

The siblings agreed eagerly, enthusiasm waning slightly when Jadda Tabha presented them with a pair of fuzzy cheetah cubs rather than the housecats they had expected. After listening intently to Jadda Tabha’s instructions, they took the cubs home, each determined to procure the very best toys for the small creatures.

They spent their respective evenings keeping the cubs entertained with feathers and balls, but when night fell, they did not grow less active. They squeaked constantly and wriggled out of blankets, no matter how cosily they were arranged. They refused to eat, seeming to prefer instead to stand at the window and cry piteously at the moon. For such small creatures, they seemed capable of shockingly piercing cries. Finally, the younger sibling bundled her cub up and rushed to her other sibling, finding her in a similar sleepless predicament. 

No sooner had she entered the home of her eldest sibling than the cheetah cub had wriggled itself free, flung itself on the other, and soon the pair of them lay in a purring heap. The eldest sibling silently made up a bed for her younger sibling and the two of them went to sleep as quietly as possible.

The very next day, they returned the cubs to Jadda Tabha.

“We see what you were teaching us,” the elder sibling said respectfully. “When we force each other away, we bring suffering.”

“And that something small and cute can be insufferable,” the younger added.

“I’m glad to see you are such fast learners,” Jadda Tabha said, lifting a cub into her lap. “Though I half hoped I could spend another two nights without little claws tearing up my floors.”

The siblings accepted the compliment and beat a hasty retreat before Jadda Tabha could think of more lessons that could be learnt by fostering cheetah cubs.

Once a young woman climbed the mountain to knock on Jadda Tabha’s door. She accepted the cup of honeyed tea that she was offered, but almost before the proper observances had been made she requested a healing balm. Her excuses about being clumsy and prone to accidents shattered on Jadda Tabha’s stony stare and before she knew it she was detailing her husband’s rages, how he told neighbours that she was crazy and made her half believe it herself, how he never hit her where it showed. Jadda Tabha clucked her tongue. 

“Ah, child,” she said, “this is more hurt than one of my balms can heal. Why don’t you head east, where a temple of Rozia sits on the banks of the River Zed? They will be able to help you more there.”

“Oh, but my husband!” the woman cried. “He will be angry that I’ve been away as long as I already have been.”

“Don’t fret, child,” Jadda Tabha said, getting to her feet in her slow and steady way. “I will explain to your husband.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” the woman said. But Jadda Tabha would hear none of it, providing her with provisions and sending her on her way before she made her own journey to the village. The young woman and her abuser lived on the outskirts of the village, so it was not as long a walk as it might have been. Jadda Tabha did not hurry, however, and arrived just as night began to fall.

As soon as the man heard footsteps on the porch he started shouting, only to stop and stare in disbelief when the door opened to reveal Jadda Tabha. “Where is my wife!” he demanded, scowling.

“Away,” Jadda Tabha said calmly. “I’ve come to tell you that she will not return for some time. Possibly ever.”

“Where did she go? What did she say to you? The dumb bitch is always lying,” the man sneered. 

“I know a lie when I’m told it,” Jadda Tabha said, her grey eyes sharpening to something more like steel. “You should worry less about what she has told me and more about what you are telling me now.”

“Insolent old woman!” the man proclaimed and he moved to hit her, as he had learned that this was a way to escape truths that he’d rather not hear. This is not true.

And, particularly in the case of Jadda Tabha, a mistake.

The man screamed as his hand broke across the old woman’s cheek. “You would be better off beating the mountain,” Jadda Tabha said as the moon rose in the east and the air rang with the cries of night hunters. She sighed, looking down at him as he sat crying in his own doorstep. “Ah, what am I to do with you, child? The priests of the sun would have you do penance, the priests of the moon would have you hunted. Either way, you would end up dead.”

“Mercy,” the man begged and Jadda Tabha raised an eyebrow.

“You ask for mercy? You, who hurt those you think can’t or won’t hurt you back? Who spread lies to hide your misdeeds? You ask me for mercy? Very well.” Jadda Tabha stepped back, holding the man in place with her steely gaze. “Perhaps you will be redeemed, after all. But if you harm another living being, it will be the end of you.”

And with that, Jadda Tabha turned him into a bee; another worker for her hives.

It is said that if a person is being abused by their family or lover and can not make the trek up to Jadda Tabha’s hut, it is enough to tell the bees. Even if uttering the words is too much, it can be worthwhile setting up a hive. The bees are eager to earn Jadda Tabha’s forgiveness. They help her keep an eye on things.

[ticklikeabomb]

Convincing Loki to help you out (HC to Mini Series : Part 2

Pairing : Avengers x PlusSize Reader (Gender Neutral) ; Loki x PlusSize Reader (platonic)

Warning : Language

Word Count : 2.8k

A/N : This is part 2 of what was originally a Headcanon/One-shot. You can find Pt 1 here :) This takes place during Endgame events but not following the course of the movie. 

Disclaimer : I do not own the the rights of any of these characters nor the universe itself. This is purposely for entertainment mainly. 

He looked at you wide-eyes before collecting himself and cleared his throat. "I have a question. Why do you talk so much?" You weren't expecting that but still answered, "I'm not used to company so I guess I got carried away." You saw the wires turn on his pretty little head and smirked. "So Mischief what's your plan now : you gonna go all Goth on me or do you actually wanna help us this time?", you asked him straightforward. He chuckled before a large smirk playing on his features. "When do we start?" You looked back at Natasha who nodded and opened the cage. He stepped outside and marched at you, scanning you up and down. "Follow me, the others are waiting", you told him. He stepped closer and whispered in your ear, "Your ribs are broken." "Yeah about that it would be kind of you to not mention it." He chuckled again and followed you to the meeting point. 

You arrived in front of the others, Natasha at one side and Loki at the other and declared, "Showtime baby".  

——

"Where's the scepter?", asked Natasha. "We couldn't get it. We were surrounding it, I mean our past us. It was too risky to apprehend it", exclaimed Tony. You sighed in annoyance and threw your hands in the air, "You had one job. One"

"How are we gonna go back now with one more person?", asked Clint eying Loki suspiciously, not really fond of him since the God mind-controlled him with the Tesseract back during the New York Battle. You thought for a second, a hand compressed on the side like the sassy bitch they all thought you were by now, even if the pose was in fact to compress the pain on your ribs. "If you use some of your ju-ju or whatever, it might work", you turned towards Loki. "And why would I do that?", he smirked. "wHy wOuLd I dO tHaT? Because if you don't, we'll bring you back to your stupid donut-cell and let you in there to rot", you spat at him not in the mood. A bright smile formed on his lips before he nodded and agreeing in doing as you said. 

"My children, hands please", you sang out getting their attention back and saw most of them doing so, except for Clint who was supposed to take Loki's hand. "I refuse", he mumbled his arms crossed. "NOWW", you threatened him, your eyes glowing like stars in the sky. His eyes widened and the other's bodies tensed but he  still wasn't willing to comply. Loki rolled his eyes and transformed himself as Clint's wife. "Better now?", he asked. Clint clenched his jaw, his eyes becoming glossy before taking his hand. You felt some of Loki's power curse through you and managed to gather enough energy to transport all of you back in time, to the current timeline. 

Once you all reached the compound, everyone fell to their knees, Tony throwing up (again because he's a stubborn dumb hot daddy) on the floor. Everyone stood up one by one except you. "What about them?", noticed Thor. "Why aren't they standing up?" Loki squatted down and felt your pulse. "That's because they're in . ..", he began but your screams cut him short. "AHHHHRRGG MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR" Steve took Loki off guard and punched him, "What did you do to them?" The God of Mischief smiled and replied, "I did nothing. They had broken ribs before the teleportation. I guess they broke the rest of it" They all began talking one over the other, blaming Loki or someone else. "LAWKKKYYYYYY, care to help here", you groaned. He rolled his eyes and eventually put your ribs back in place. "What the hell", commented Tony. "Yeah I know, I almost died back there but I'm back again. So, next phase of the plan", you continued like nothing happened. 

At the corner of your eye, you saw Loki step back carefully. "Hey, where do you think you're going?", you shout at him. He smirked before trying to make his exit but was shook to the ground by electroshocks. Turning around, Thor had activated the chip on his brother. Everyone looked at him and he simply shrugged, "I knew he was gonna flee so I kept this little device from our trip from Sakaar before Thanos destroyed our ship." You pointed at him and declared proudly "Thor, my man." Walking to Loki who was in agony on the ground, his eyes wide, you smiled. "You do as agreed and we stop it." "Fine", he said through greeted teeth. You gave him a hand helping him stand up and whispered in his ear "Let's get to work honey." 

Everyone was gathered around the main room trying to come up with a plan when Nebula informed she knew where her father was. "Alright, we'll go to him and get the stones, reverse the course and bring everyone back along", mentioned Rhodes. "We don't know if it will work", counterattacked Bruce. "If there's a chance to bring them back, we have to do it. For them", said Natasha. Their arguments were stopped by the sound of someone sipping the rest of a remaining coke with persistence. They all looked at you and you widened your eyes, "Sorry". 

"Let's go kill that son of a bitch", dramatically exclaimed the Captain. You wished you had popcorn but that would push them to the limits. They decided that Tony should stay back in the compound for medical purposes. "You're not coming?", asked Natasha. "Nope. Besides I have to keep an eye on this one", you replied while motioning towards Loki who rolled his eyes. "What if we need you?", asked Rocket. "Oh believe me, you don't need me when you have that badass", you pointed at Carol who smirked.

You saw them depart and turned towards Loki, "Want to fuck?", you wiggled your eyebrows. Your request caught him off guard and before you let him reply you laughed out loud, "Nah I'm joking. I'm asexual but your face was priceless." "Please someone get me out of here", he breathed out. The Avengers returned several hours later with defeated faces. You already knew why but abstained from saying anything. They needed to know and see by themselves. "How's Plum face?", you asked. Nebula's piercing gaze turned in a flash towards you and replied with a much more deeper voice, "He's dead." "So are the stones, gone, vaporized, puff", completed Rhodes. Your jaw clenched not because of the not so new intel but because you failed your purpose. "I see", you breathed out. You saw Natasha battling her tears from falling before she left. Carol declared she had other engagements on other planets and told them to call her whenever they needed her. You turned towards Loki and took him aside. "I need you to take care of your brother and the rest of Asgard's people." "What do you mean the rest?", he asked suddenly intrigued. "Just promise me you will. Thor needs you more than anything. He already lost you once, he can't lose you again." After finishing that sentence you disappeared. He came back to the main room alone and Steve asked him where you were. "They're gone", was Loki's only answer. 

5 years later

"I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm a hundred percent that bitch, even when I'm crying crazy. Yeah I got boy problems, that's the human in me. Bling bling, then I solve'em, that's the RAT. Arghh gross", you sang out load before seeing the nasty animal. You waited for Jerry to do his work. "May the world bless your accomplishments little hero", and saw him walk trough the button that opened up the Quantum Realm's machine where Scott was trapped. He flew through the truck and ended on the corner of his stored garbage. Groaning in pain, he pressed the helmet of his suit. After preventing his suit to get caught on fire, he looked up and saw you perched on a table whistling the rest of Queen Lizzo's song, even though the song had been released a few years ago, it was still a classic.  "Where am I and who are you?", he asked. "You are in a storage unit and I'm Y/N", you shrugged. He shook his head in confusion and continued, "What the hell am I doing in a storage unit?"

"That's a long story and we've been waiting for your return for 5 years now. Orange slices?", you proposed. He gladly took them with a bright smile before turning back to you, "Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean 'it's been 5 years'?" "Come on little ant, I'm sure you're dying to see someone", you convinced him to follow you. During the ride, his eyes scrutinized a devastated city, neighborhoods in construction and trash all over the place. "What happened?", he asked. "There was an Alien called Thanos who managed to collect the Infinity Stones and decided to go all Cher and snap half of living form out of the universe. We're here", you told him and recognizing his daughter's house, he ran off the car to the front porch. You saw the emotional reunion between him and his daughter but had to cut the moment short by honking. "Where are we going?", he asked you. "WE are going to pay the Avengers a little visit", you chanted. 

At the entry of the Avengers compound, Scott turned towards you but you had already vanished. Confused, he got out of the car and waved at the camera until the front gate opened up. The three protagonists stood at the same room where a virtual conference was being hold a few minutes ago, confusion written on all of their faces. "Scott? Are you okay?", asked Steve, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Yeah", nodded Scott before continuing. "Have any of you guys studied quantum physics?" "Only to make conversations", replied Natasha. "Alright. So", Scott began to explain what had happened him 5 years ago to the moment he came back, which was a few hours ago. "And then that person stood there, which by the way I don't recall the name. Maybe I should have asked them their name again? Anyway, they drove me to my daughter and vaguely explained to me once I've finished my, and I quote 'detox therapy among floating germes', about what happened with some giant 'purple walking dildo', again not my words. And the next thing I know is that we had to pay you a visit", he rambled before Steve stopped him, "Wait Scott, hold on. We?" "Those quotes sound sassily familiar", commented Natasha. "You think it's Y/N?", Steve turned towards the red-blond-ish ex-assassin. "Yes, that's the name but they vanished out of the blue", added Scott enthusiastically. Steve led out a heavy sigh before answering, "Yeah apparently it's one of their favorite things to do." 

"Now now Rogers, I know you're devastated but referring me as a drop-out is cold", you appeared next to Scott and looked at him, a hand on his heart, scaring him. "That's exactly what you are", said Steve. "What are you doing here?", asked Natasha as hostile as Steve. "I came to offer my services", you simply replied to which they scoffed. "What makes you think we want your help?", replied Steve bitterly. "Because you'll take every help you can get to defeat Thanos." "You told me he was dead?", asked Scott confused. "He is but there is another way to bring everyone back", you said and looked at Steve. "They're right, I was in a place called the Quantum Realm and time works differently there. What if there was a way to navigate it and enter the quantum realm at a certain point in time and then exit the quantum at another point in time", he mumbled fervently with a half-eaten sandwich. "Wait are you talking about a time machine?", asked Steve. You rolled your eyes and exclaimed, "Good Lord yes. What he's trying to say is that with the quantum realm we have a way to go back in time without using all of my power and preventing me from dying in the process. It just needs to be apprehended", you spoke up. "So who do we talk about this?", said Scott. 

The next thing you know is that you paid a visit to Tony Stark who, settled down, refused to lose what he had. Which led us to where we were currently sitting, a diner. Bruce, well Hulk, more like Hulce was telling them how he managed to combine his new self before being interrupted by children. After what seemed a everlasting awkward exchange between Scott, the kids and Hulce, the green man dabbed. "Ok that was way to weird, even for me", you commented. "Let's get to work", added Steve. The other Avengers were convoked as soon as possible. You even got to see new Asgard with its 'rightful' ruler. Wearing an all black outfit and a man-bun you called out to him, "Yo goth version of prince charming how's the Mortal life?" He turned around and chuckled, "I had that itching, annoying sensation that I would see you one day." "Need a hand with that?", you smirked. "What do we owe you the pleasure?", he asked while checking the harbor's provisions lists. "Ready to save the world and at the same occasion take your revenge regarding Tinky Winky?" He looked at you confused and you had to explain him the reference. "I see." "You're guys coming or do you need a private room?", called out Rocket. "Lead the way", Loki motioned you forward. You took a seat and saw Thor, "My man ", you fist pumped him and saw a wide smile form on his face. 

Back at the compound, everyone gathered in the main room and began working on building the big-sized quantum realm portal. Seated at the back of the room you attentively looked at them work while you mentally planned on how to fulfill your destiny. 

"Could you give us a hand?", turned Steve annoyed your way. "What? And deprive myself from those amazing muscles flexing so beautifully. You must be dreaming", you replied with a wide smirk, seeing Steve, Tony, Loki, Scott, Thor and Natasha all sexily sweating at work, your comment making Tony chuckle. You stood up and walked to Natasha and Nebula who were preparing the weapons. You made some cocktails and handed them to them. They eyed you and you took a gulp of your own drink. "If we're potentially dying, let's at least enjoy the last moments", you simply shrugged. They agreed and slowly took a seep from their drinks. "So are you more gun or knife?", you asked them. "Gun", answered Natasha and Nebula went with knife. "What about you?" You took another gulp and took out a unique weapon. "Swords", you told them and smiled when you saw their eyes widen at the beauty of the weapon. Nebula was about to reach it when you made it vanish. "Careful there, you touch it and it will burn you to death. See this weapon was created especially for me and everyone else who comes in contact with it dies painfully and instantly. Once I'm dead, the sword will belong to the person I find most worthy and rightful to acquire it. But of course, that is if I'm even able to die." 

"What do you mean?", asked Rhodes who heard the whole conversation. You turned to him and noticed that everyone stopped working and was looking at you. "It means what it means !", you responded without giving out more details and decided to take some air outside. You stood there for a while contemplating the sky before exclaiming, "Hiding is not really your forté, I know you're there." He walked and stopped beside you. "You're a mystery even for me", said Loki. "Talent", you simply replied. "Why are you really doing this? Helping us?" Without looking at him, you responded, "While you sink revenge, I seek redemption. I failed my mission and now it's time for me to face the consequences and do the best as I can to redeem myself." He thought about your comment and before he talked again, you exclaimed, "Look at you being all fair player with everyone. Hard to believe that we're in front of the 2012 Loki version." He narrowed his eyes and frowned before letting his angry facade disappear and chuckled. "If got time to reflect and to come to my senses." "I'm glad you did, not that I don't particularly like that whole 'Kneel before me kinky Loki' but myeah", you laughed as he shook his head. You both decided to get back inside and joined the others, who were gathered on the main room, coming up with what Scott called the Time Travel Heist. 

* gifs not mine, credit to owners*

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[isa-ghost]

Achievements Unlocked?

The last decade has COMPLETELY shaped who I am now and the fact that it ends today and essentially sends me off into the next one where turning 30 is the end is something I can’t wrap my head around and not just bc it’s barely 9am as I’m writing it. Ten years hasn’t felt like ten years and all the shit that’s happened during those ten years feels like it’s happened in the last like,,, 3.

Basically this is just me going How The Fuck Did All Of This Happen In A Decade and highlighting the big things that shaped who I am now.

Uhhh this is long I’m gonna-

2010/2011 (Shit’s A Blur):

I started noticing aesthetic interests I had.

I developed my love for the outdoors and exploration.

I started realizing vaguely spooky things were really intriguing to me.

I got SUPER into Harry Potter.

Which lead to me creating my first two Ocs.

I started switching from drawing animals/landscapes to drawing people.

I made my first cluster of friends I hoped I’d have forever. (Spoiler alert: only still have one of em).

2012:

I started identifying with punk rock & emo culture/aesthetics.

I made my first cluster of online friends (Spoiler alert: don’t talk to any of em now)

I got into YouTubers.

I got into anime.

I made my first “blog.” It was a Facebook page for a fictional character.

I discovered my favorite band.

I made my first online friend I hoped I’d have forever (still have em so far!)

I met my future wife.

I started roleplaying with Ocs.

Which lead to making more.

I started drawing digitally using bases. Which started my improvement.

I made my own first little community via my FB page.

Which lead to an rp group of more friends I hoped I’d have forever (still got a handful of em!)

I discovered my other favorite bands.

I started using Skype.

I got into more anime.

My parents were officially fully separated. 

Which began the very start of realizing my dad was verbally abusive.

Congrats Isa, You Need Glasses You Dumb Fuck. Hooray astigmatism.

I graduated 8th grade.

2013:

I was essentially forced to move in with my dad for high school.

I started high school.

Officially became total anime trash and started watching them like crazy.

I THINK I hit 100 Ocs at some point this year. Just kept makin them from here.

Met my first cluster of irl forever friends (spoiler alert: only have 1 now).

Learned having Ocs was Not Just An Isa Thing, Holy Shit I Thought I Was Just Weird.

Promptly fell in love with learning about other people’s Ocs.

Realized Wow, I Kinda Can’t Stand My Dad And I Don’t Trust Him.

Had my first boyfriend. *gag* He was nasty.

Experienced my first long distance relationship. It lasted 3 days.

2014/2015 (Shit’s Also Blurry):

Got another long distance boyfriend. First relationship I genuinely liked the person.

I realized talking multiple people through the lowest points of their lives and keeping them from harming themselves was a sign I should maybe get into psychology and do that as a job.

I started getting interested in researching mental disorders.

Realized Okay Yeah, I Lowkey Hate My Dad

Realized I had A Concerning Amount Of Symptoms Of Depression. Fuck.

Realized Huh, Girls Are Pretty Too,,,

My friend taught me about bi and pansexuality. Casually started identifying as pan. Didn’t know shit about LGBT+ stuff.

Was shown a video by my friend. Decided Wow I Really Like This Screaming Potato Guy.

Acquired one more forever friend I still have.

Got slapped in the face by Gravity Falls.

My mom moved out of the rural town I just spent the last like 8 Years Of My Own Character Development In, Dammit

I realized money and finances Fucking Sucks.

Had the,, probably worst year of my adolescence. Angry, depressed, sick of my dad. It was Not Great. Almost started self-harming, only didn’t because I’d be a hypocrite if I did after helping my friends stop doing it.

Homestuck invaded my life around here I think.

Decided I’m Gonna Live With My Online Friends One Day! (spoiler alert: nope).

Was kinda forced by my dad to move out of the apartment I lived in and therefore forced to transfer schools.

Got to meet my future wife irl for the first time. Wow that was,, so gay before we even realized.

Okay Hold On, This New School Is,,, Really Nice.

2016:

New school. New me. New friends. New everything. Fuckity shit fuck.

Okay wait they have an anime club like my other school did we good.

Met another two forever friends that I think really are forever friends now.

Angry Shitty Depression Time Died Down A Little.

Somehow learned about evilsonas. Huh, Does Jack Have One? ... Ok Cool, They’re All People’s Ocs. Meh.

Started learning how to drive. Oh My God This Is Fun.

Lost my second ever pet and was... very confused when I wasn’t as traumatized as I was the first time I lost a pet.

Boyfriend kinda Thanos snapped from existence bc his irl life was hectic.

Experienced what it’s like to have a friend that died.

Wow my irl best friend is hot. ... Okay I Think Boyfriend’s Absence Is Bothering Me. *proceeds to ignore that*

Gets into some more bands.

Knock Knock, You Have Separation Anxiety, Isa.

Finally decided to try out high school things like homecoming. Ooh That Was Actually Fun.

The beginning of the worst end to a friendship I’ve ever had starts. Not Handling It Well.

Discovered Fooster. Cue hyperfixation on new favorite YouTuber and more new friends.

Wait What The Fuck What Just Happened To Jack’s Camera,,,, OH MY GOD HE ISN’T-

HE IS. OH FUCK HE IS. MMMMHELLO KNIFE MAN.

Totally forgets he exists for the next like 10 months.

Realization I Really Fucking Love Halloween.

Discovered what asexuality is and immediately identifies because I thought I was just weird.

Hmm maybe I should start watching this Markiplier guy

Big Sad Times, My Friends Graduated. Next Year Gonna SUCK.

Tried out Dungeons & Dragons. Fuckin loved it.

2017:

Ah fuck I’m a senior in high school this is gonna be a trip.

Discovered I like photography.

Literally where did this school year go it’s so blurry.

Was convinced to end the relationship with boyfriend. He’s still a good bean.

Hey uhhhh online best friend do u big gay.

WE big gay.

Found a book I really like that isn’t Harry Potter, damn it’s about time.

Ok But This Book Really Fucked Me Up, I Love It.

OH FUCK WAIT I’M GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL.

Oh that wasn’t so bad.

Actually had to be PUSHED by my friends to have my first kiss with my girlfriend at my graduation party because I was too busy going [dkasjdjf] about having her physically in my presence at all.

First super memorable vacation. Wow I Fucking Love Traveling.

Got to meet another online friend!! I am,, incredibly lucky about being able to do that, this was like the 4th friend I got to meet.

[That one motion blur conspiracy theorist meme] SABRINA IM TELLING U JACK IS UP TO SOMETHING HIS TWITTER IS FUCKY

Gets punched in the throat with Kill Jacksepticeye on the way home from vacation and remembers how much I fucking love Anti

TIME FOR COLLEGE. I made a mistake.

TIME FOR COMMUNITY COLLEGE. Much Better.

Friend I Still Have From High School 1/2 introduced me to Bendy and the Ink Machine. HYPERFIXATION TIME BABEY.

Let’s,,, lets try Tumblr. Jack exists there a lot. And so does good art of everything I’m interested in.

Wait Who’s This Baby With The Mustache, JACK EXPLAIN

Okay there’s More Going On Here, lets get active in the community.

WHY THE FUCK IS THERE SECURITY FOOTAGE. THIS IS SKETCH. THIS ISOH MOTHERFUCKER ITS ANTI

Isa: Become Theorist

The rest is history, really, all stuff I’ve posted about on here. xD

And knowing me I’ve left out other highlighted bits but remembering all of this is,,, really exhausting lmao, I’m surprised I jotted down as much as I did in Relatively Chronological Order.

[ocular-intercourse]

👀👀👀 there's only 25 questions 👀👀👀

i think i know what this means 😂🙏🏻

Meanest VS Kindest

meanest is definitely asher, though under normal circumstances he would not make use of it quite as often as he does rn, but even then he is kinda bred to be mean, that’s the rich kid gene, but also his father’s influence

kindest is teddy, without a doubt, i was for a second considering noor because they are actively doing more kind things, working on bettering the life for their subjects, but the prince is definitely more capable of being unkind for the sake of something bigger than ted would ever be (also they are spoiled and tend to kinda unintentionally put their needs before others in their private life)

Tallest VS Shortest

gyo the absolute beast of a man that’s them primordial genes, the shortest is ace

Most humble VS Most arrogant

hmm i think devin might be the most humble, it’s kinda pathological, a result of his low self-confidence, social anxiety and all, asher’ll be like screaming at him about how talented he is but that kinda does not sink in, but even with the things he can accept being good at in he is not the person to brag about it, he was raised to be polite and humble i guess

ah that’s a little hard it’s outwardly appereance vs inwardly feelings and they never match up, asher definitely is arrogant, but he is also very aware that anything that people admire about him and his skills is just a result of privilege and money and people wanting to crawl up his ass, so he’s like, yeah i’m fucking good at this but that doesn’t mean shit i had like 20 tutors since i was a toddler anyone could do this with my resources

finn is probably the most outwardly boasting about stuff he is arrogant about, but also the most fickle, you just gotta poke the wrong spot and he’s crumbling

gyo kinda has to be arrogant, it’s his job, it’s part of the whole ‘you can’t touch this just try and harm the empire you’re not getting past me’ deal, but he is also inwardly very aware of his limitations and what is realistically possible for him and what isn’t, he just can’t show it to leave openings for his opponents 

i can’t decide 🤷🏻‍♂️

Coldest VS Most emotional

oh boy, god seriously the more i think about these questions the more i realize that my boys all just put up a front all the time whelp

ace has trained himself to seem colder than he actually is, but gyo is probably better at actually shutting his emotions down to get where he needs to be so i’ll go with him

finn is the most emotional he just puts it all out there i don’t think he could hide it if he wanted to he’s an open book really he’s even a terrible liar

Most chaste VS Most lustful

i had the impuls to say ace but i feel like asexuality and being chaste kinda cancels each other out, like you actually need to be sexually active and attracted to other people to be able to be considered chaste? like it kinda has to do with surpressing things? and if i follow that logic it fits asher way more, though he is also not really chaste, just prude, but still more than any of the others

teddy is the most lustful which is always very fun cause it’s unexpected, maybe he got a little messed up along the way but physical affection is just his biggest love language he needs to be shown that he is wanted to be happy and he needs to be shown often and thats the same way he tends to express his feelings for his s.o. (which is a huge problem between him and zeke oof), but also outside of a relationship he tends to get his self-worth reaffirmed through sexual encounters

Most serious VS Silliest

gyo is the most serious, might also be another work trait, asher also currently has little space for silliness in his life but that’s just cirumstancial, ace is by far the silliest, straight faced maybe, but he loves to irritate and amuse people

“Sleep is for the weak!” VS “Sleep for a week”

asher is the ‘sleep is for the weak’ man, though he sure’d like to sleep more, his body just does not want him to, at some point he’s just, god fuck fine more time to be productive i guess, teddy could sleep for a week

Happiest VS Saddest

GOD fuck, what a question, which one of my sad boys is the saddest boy? asher is the saddest, noor is the happiest

Darkest backstory VS Lightest Backstory

hasghj please, gyo has the darkest backstory, devin has the lightest

Biggest eater VS Lightest eater

hmmm finn has a crazy fast metabolism so he just needs to eat constantly to keep his mass it actually drives him crazy he’d much rather be able to bulk up properly, asher is the lightest eater, though a lot of that is also circumstantial, he’d be eating more if he wasn’t going through things, but still probably less than all the others, i’ll count gyo out cause he actually does not have to eat technically, so he doesn’t always, teddy is also a fickle eater with his eating disorder, but he’s being healthy atm

Most ticklish VS Cruellest tickler

never thought about it, asher is the most ticklish under regular circumstances, his meds make him a little numb, ace would be the cruellest tickler

Brainiest VS Brawniest

despite discrediting himself constantly by saying ‘i had all the help money can buy it does not count’ asher is still the brainiest, straight a student, speaks multiple languages, can play multiple instruments, is juggling two degrees and a mental breakdown etc etc excelling in all of it (especially the break down) i guess he could be considered gifted but he’d refuse to accept that denotation, he’s diligent at best, and was not allowed to function any other way, in his mind it’s really not that impressive he had no other choice and who knows how many people just praise him unfounded to please him/his father

gyo is the brawniest, no question, not all brawn no brains you need both to get where he is but his martial might is literally legendary

Most forgiving VS Most grudgeful

teddy is the most forgiving, not necessarily always because the person deserves it, but because he just wants them to deserve it, he just wants to believe people are good and have good intentions, finn is the most grudgeful (his father is a special exception i suppose) he still hasn’t forgiven kitty for killing herself after what.. 10 years or so? to a point of major detriment to his own life by giving a wide berth to anything that reminds him of her which is a lot of the things he loves/loved

Physical vices (drugs, sex, alcohol) VS Spiritual vices (Lust, wrath, envy)

god i kinda just wanna put finn on both ends of that question, he seriously is the most susceptible to vices in general regardless of physical or spiritual, and he knows, and he’s trying to be better (good thing he knows terrible examples about drugs and alcohol both so he’s pretty good at staying away from those at least)

Optimistic VS Pessimistic

teddy and noor share the optimistic spot, teddy generally believes more in the good in the world and that things will be good, noor is more active about it, their mindset is more of the ‘things might be bad but i WILL change them i don’t care who tells me i can’t’ variant, asher is the most pessimistic, but once again i feel it’s not fair to call him out on that it’s not actually in his character it’s, again, his circumstances, but i’m not sure there’s gonna be a lot of space for optimism left in his life after everything anyways so i guess it’s really him

Most secretive VS Most open

gyo is the most secretive, ace too to an extend and asher certainly has his big secret, but gyo just wont tell you a thing, you’ll hardly get him to talk at all, especially about personal subjects, devin might be the most open, teddy is all trusting and optimistic but he’s been burned often enough to know to keep some things to himself, devin is a little more oblivious to that, or maybe it’s not really that, it’s not naivite, it’s him just believing that it is the best to put everything out there so there is no space for misunderstandings

Judges a book by its cover VS Judges mostly by personality

none of my characters are overly superficial it’s hard to say if anyone of them would judge based on appereance, i want to say it’s probably noor, but it’s not really about looks, it’s more that they tend to stick to first impressions a lot, when they have an image of a person in their mind they have a hard time seeing anything but that, and get confused often when they get blindsided by traits that do not fit the idea they have of that person, finn definitely judges the most by personality, he tends to be hypervigilant around people, probing their emotional state, checking that everything is okay, it’s that classic abuse survivor habit, always making sure everything is alright and there’s no hidden threat

Best singer VS Tone deaf

finn is the best singer by far, he’s good he’s really really good but it’s one of these things he’s connected to kitty so that’s not always easy for him, noor is absolutely tone deaf it’s awful they are not insecure about a lot of things but only people they trust will ever hear them sing cause they know they won’t judge them too much

Cast iron stomach VS Most squeamish

ace can and will eat anything, he grew up in a shitty situation where they did not always have access to proper food so he’s not picky about quality or freshness, food is always a little complicated for teddy cause he has to train himself to eat regularly, on top of that he will not eat just anything, he is a vegetarian but also the kind of person that was a picky eater growing up and is holding on to some dislikes that probably only exist in his head at this point, it’s about the consistency of eggs for example, or certain combinations he’ll just not eat or even try, finns body can’t handle histamies super well so he has to be careful too, raw tomatoes even give him allergic reactions, but all of that is less about him being squeamish, he’s more the try anything once kind of person

Shows most skin VS Covers up most

i’d say it’s a cross between finn and noor for most skin, finn just enjoys being mostly uncovered, noor just likes the look of revealing clothing, asher is definitely famously the one to cover up the most, maybe that’s also a weird defense mechanism but mostly he’s just been brought up in a rather conservative household and that notion stuck

Most religious VS Most atheistic

none of them are really religious, in a ‘greek gods do exist’ kind of setting that’s a weird thing to be anyways?? is it still religious when you know gods exists/you are part god lol?? noor also exists in a setting where they, as in the leaders of the empire, are considered to have divine right to rule and are basically worshipped themselves plus i have not yet figured out in what way religion and a pantheon even exists in their world, gyo most definitely worships noor in a way but lets not go there, asher is by no means religious, but he enjoys the, uhm, quiet contemplation and prudence i guess? the sense of reverence and tradition, he likes the idea of believing in a guiding power, but he does not believe himself (he’d have a bone to pick with god if he did), he does however go to church with his family not only for outward appereance there is in some weird way something calming he takes from that (the congregation is not conservative in the gay hating way so that helps), i think gyo might actually be the most atheistic, even when confronted with god-like beings he’s more like ‘you can’t do shit i pick my own destiny and i’ll fight you if i have to’, he can’t take them seriously and he sure as hell does not consider them superior in any way (tbf the glimpse he gets at their world makes that very easy he basically just brawls his way out of hell and everybody there is like ??? help ??)

Biggest reader VS Hasn’t touched a book in 3 years

asher is the biggest reader, he’ll read non-stop if you let him it’s such a good way to get out of his head, so it’s a bit of an compulsive habit, teddy definitely hasn’t touched a book.. in basically ever, it’s the dyslexia it’s really not his favorite thing to do it’s exhausting and frustrating, but he’d probably go for audio books every now and then, it’s similar for ace but he has more patience to chew his way through a book

Best at self-care VS Most self-destructive

oh boy, noor is the very best at self-care, cause they are always so well cared for? they were raised in an environment where everyone always made sure they were happy and comfortable, so they themselves value these things a lot and go searching for them even if nobody offers them from the outside, asher is by far the most destructive, he’s the last priority on his list the only reason he is still alive (if you want to call it that) is to shield other people, so self-care seems utterly pointless at this point, the one thing he does still do is grooming but for him that’s more just a part of functioning than anything that has to do with making himself feel better

Most flirtatious VS Most modest

under different circumstances asher would be the most flirtatious, and he still is sometimes when the situation calls for it, but just ignoring all the trauma and everything, just looking at the person he used to be/will maybe be again, he just likes schmoozing and dazzling people, making them feel welcome and appreciated, he’s oozing charme all over the place (to be fair none of this is sexual/romantic in any way, it’s more just his base socializing mode) to a point where he gets in trouble cause he not only leads people on unintentionally but also drives devin into jealous fits, it’s really hard to figure out who’s the most modest actually, gyo is a brick wall but sometimes social events require friendly mingling and he is very much able to, you know, for the sake of the empire, but he’s usually calm and collected and unapproachable, ace on the other hand never ever tries to attract other people, but on the contrary to gyo his wall is hidden, he does not let people close, but let’s them believe differently, and  sometimes has a bit of a mischievous behaviour about him that could be seen as flirtatious in some ways

Most outdoorsy VS Most indoorsy

teddy is by nature (ha) the most outdoorsy, it’s his domain, he’s truly at home surrounded by plants and animals, devin is the most indoorsy, locked behind his computer/tv most of the time, ace is a close second but he does get out more, training or hanging out in the streets

[notquiteaghost]

there isn't enough nonbinary jon sims content, here is... well i started writing this as headcanons but this is really a not!fic about nonbinary jon sims. it’s 3′300 words

it contains: nonbinary trans masc autistic jon, jongeorgie, lesbian georgie, trans guy martin & tim, trans woman sasha, team archives trans solidarity, and not-insignificant amount of internalised transphobia and references to misgendering & general cis people bullshit

(also ftr i am heavily basing jon's experiences here as a nonbinary autistic person on my own experiences as a nonbinary autistic person) (this is like 80% projection) (what else is fandom for!)

also on AO3 if you prefer your 3k of bullet points to have better spacing

tiny baby [jon] who knows she isn't very good at being a girl but doesn't have the words to articulate why

her grandmother thinks kids clothes should be durable and practical so even tho jon is not a kid who climbs trees or plays football, her wardrobe is exclusively straight jeans & 'boys' t-shirts & large jumpers

she keeps her hair roughly shoulder length because that's the length it's always been but strangers still 'mistake' her for a boy a lot. this makes her feel a way she again hasn't got the words for

when she starts secondary school she continues to dress 'masc', never starts wearing makeup, never gets any interest in dating, generally fills out the checklist for everyone else assuming she's a lesbian

she knows she's definitely not a straight girl, so she shrugs and decides sure, she's a lesbian. it's a moot point, mostly, seeing as even if she did have any interest in dating she's the only gay person her age she knows

but she does get involved in some community support stuff – she spends a lot of time in the library as a teenager, and one of the librarians is a lesbian who takes jon under her wing a bit

coffee mornings and book clubs and things like that. sixteen year old jon and a dozen queer women all in their late twenties at the youngest. they joke a lot how often they forget jon isn't also a thirty-something

(this is that autism feel of having no interest in your peers but getting on great with adults)

and then she goes to uni, and then she meets georgie

georgie is a Very Out lesbian. she goes to clubs, she's heavily involved in the lgbt society, she has a rainbow flag hanging in her bedroom window. yknow.

jon likes her a lot, and still isn't really sure if it's romantic or not, but assumes that's more due to being gay than anything else

(no one has told jon about asexuality yet)

so when, one night when they're meant to be studying in georgie's room but instead are mostly drinking shit cheap wine and complaining about their professors, georgie looks at jon with this soft look on her face and asks to kiss her, jon says yes

and then they date

they're both living in one of those massive student houses with a thousand bedrooms crammed everywhere and only a kitchen for a communal space. georgie has lived there since coming back to finish first year, and jon moved in halfway through second year after a somewhat disastrous flatmate situation

so after they graduate, moving in together seems like the natural progression of things even tho they’ve only been dating for two months

jon is still, when asked, identifying as a lesbian and using she/her, but is also still dressing what other people now call butch. she always feels kind of weird about that term, but again, just chalks it up to the mess of complicated feelings being a gnc lesbian does genuinely involve

and then, finally, jon meets some actual trans people

jon has, circumstantially, known trans people. thanks to georgie, jon goes to a lot of lgbt soc things, and is passingly familiar with most of the lgbt people on their campus

but there’s a big difference between nodding at someone when you see them in the library and having an actual, proper conversation about gender

so, jon goes to a lot of social events because georgie does. without georgie, jon would probably not leave the house except to go to work and to the library (jon is not doing postgrad. jon’s library habits do not particularly reflect this)

mostly at these events, jon sits in the corner and reads, and only talks to other quiet antisocial people, while georgie circles back periodically to report on her social butterfly escapades

and at one, one of the other quiet antisocial people is a trans guy

he’s called harry, and he asks about the book jon is reading, and after they’ve been talking a while he says, “sorry, you probably get this a lot, but what pronouns do you use?”

jon just blinks at him and says “what”

“well, i’m trans, so i’m always really cautious about assuming,” harry says, easily, and this does not answer the question jon was asking

jon.exe has crashed

she(?) eventually says, “uh. she? i’ve never– she”

and harry, who has spent the last forty minutes discussing dante with jon and is already sure they’re going to be friends, says “want the trans 101? you’re making a face like you need it”

three hours later georgie finally reappears with the intent to actually interrupt (she’s drifted past periodically, but jon was always deep in conversation with harry, so she left them alone) and get going, and jon gets harry’s email address and is then very quiet as they walk arm-in-arm back to their house

just as they turn onto their street, jon says, “i, ah. i think i might be trans?”

georgie, who has for the past couple months been having something of a crisis after realising she definitely loves jon but she isn’t in love and she can’t figure out why, says “oh thank god”

jon, very bemused, “that wasn’t the reaction i was expecting”

“i think we should break up,” georgie replies, and jon stops walking. they’re four feet from their front door, but it’s late, no one’s about, so georgie decides sure, they can have this conversation in the street

“you– because i’m trans?”

“i love you, i really do,” georgie steps closer, takes jon’s hands in hers, “but i’m not in love with you. and it was driving me crazy trying to figure out why, but if you’re not a girl–”

“i can’t tell if i should be offended by this or not,” jon says, somewhat dazed, “i’ve been trans for an hour, georgie, i don’t know if this is transphobic yet”

georgie laughs, and presses a kiss to jon’s cheek, and says “it’s nearly midnight, we both have work tomorrow, let’s table this for later. we can look up names and what word i should use when i complain to other people how you always leave your shoes in the middle of the floor when we aren’t both on the verge of passing out”

and that sounds reasonable, so jon nods, and kisses georgie on the mouth, and then they go inside

the next day jon stops by the library on the way home from work and checks out almost every baby names book they have. georgie comes home and he’s sat at the kitchen table making a spreadsheet

“you don’t have to make it this complicated, you know,” she says, hooking her chin over his shoulder to read what he’s already got. the spreadsheet has a lot of columns.

“it’s my name,” he retorts, and she hums agreeably, then points to ‘jonathan’, which has relatively few ticks in any pro columns (god, this nerd), and says, “isn’t that your grandfather’s name?”

it is. he doesn’t talk about his grandfather a lot – doesn’t talk about his family a lot full stop, but she knows, even though he died when jon was still a toddler, the stories his grandmother told had a significant impact

“my parents didn’t name me after anyone,” jon says, quietly

georgie nods. she doesn’t say they’re not here now to offer an opinion, because that’s far harsher than jon deserves to hear, and it’s not like she ever needs to remind him of it either. he’s definitely already beating himself up for taking so long to come to this realisation there’s no one left around to tell him how they’d have reacted

“i think it suits you,” she says instead, and jon nods, and then she moves away to make a pot of tea and some pasta (it’s technically jon’s night to cook, but she was anticipating coming home to find him already hyperfocused beyond the point of no return)

a week later, jon looks up from the spreadsheet to where georgie is curled up on the sofa reading and says “ugh, fine, you win, you were right”

(georgie hadn’t pressed her point any further, jon is just like that)

“jon?” she asks, and he makes an exasperated noise and nods, then closes his laptop dramatically and stands. most of his spine pops when he stretches

“this calls for celebration” georgie says, also standing, “franco’s or monsoon?”

“franco’s. i’m going to eat a pizza the size of a car”

so then jon is actually going by jon, and using he/him, and isn’t dating georgie anymore but is still living with her and spending most of his time with her and factoring her into all his major decisions

he talks to harry, and other (binary) trans people, and reads a lot of blogs, and after a few months gets a referral to charing cross gic

by the time he starts at the magnus institute, he’s had top surgery and has been on T for years, and passes as cis completely, and he doesn’t know how to articulate it but this is. bothering him.

he’s not exactly… he likes being stealth, he doesn’t need to flaunt his personal life. he can understand the impulse, but he doesn’t share it. his feelings about gender and romance are no one’s business but his own

but. everyone assuming he was a girl itched – being miss simms, georgie’s girlfriend, she, it felt like wearing a coarse knitted jumper. it was exhausting

and, for a while, everyone assuming he was a man was a relief. it didn’t make his skin crawl, it didn’t make him want to scream, it was nice. it felt good.

it didn’t feel right. but it didn’t feel bad, either, and jon has never been gendered in a way that felt right. he thought that was just part of being trans

except. he moves to london, and he starts at the magnus institute, and he wears shirts and slacks, and the long skirts and patterned dresses some of his colleagues wear keep catching his eye the way men in three-piece suits used to, and that terrifies him

he was lucky, in a way, having no family left to care when he transitioned – if anyone reacted negatively, he could just cut them out of his life, and his social circle was already queer enough that was hardly necessary

but that doesn’t mean he escaped internalising a whole swathe of shit about what being trans should mean and how he should act and what he should want and if he wants to wear skirts then is he even a man? was he making it up all along after all?

naturally, he deals with this by ignoring it. he’s a man, men don’t wear skirts, he doesn’t wear skirts, that’s that.

he manages to keep that up until he’s made head archivist, and he’s given three assistants who are all also trans

(he doesn’t know if elias did it on purpose. elias knows he’s trans, of course, because he’s never bothered to get the name on his diploma changed, but the way elias reacted lead jon to assume elias may also be trans. and if that’s true, then selecting only trans people for the archives staff feels like a kindness more than anything)

and, the thing about them all being trans, is even if jon and martin are both rather fond of being stealth, and sasha and tim aren’t used to being out at work, and none of them are exactly friends, they’re the only people who ever come in the archives, so the archives very quickly becomes the Safe Trans Zone

they all vent a lot about cis people. sasha will walk in and the first words out her mouth will be “the next person to ask me if i’d had the surgery is getting their own surgery when i cut their tongues out”, and tim will make a commiserating noise and offer her the pack of donuts martin brought in

so when, on one of the rare afternoons when jon leaves his office to lean against tim’s desk and brainstorm organisational system ideas, martin walks back from the break room upstairs with a scowl and says, bitterly, as he sits back down, “oh so when cis guys wear nail polish it’s inspiring and breaking down gender roles but when i wear nail polish, jenny from HR gets to side eye me and ask if that means i changed my mind, because surely i’m the one who’ll do that and not all the men who didn’t have to do hours of therapy to establish they are definitely, one hundred percent for sure a guy!”

tim and sasha both make the standard commiseration noises, and sasha says something about the supervisor at her last job trying to say it wasn’t appropriate for her to wear trousers, and jon stops listening and runs away moves back to his office

he hadn’t noticed martin is wearing nail polish, is the thing. or, he had noticed it, but he hadn’t thought about it, and now he’s thinking about it. he’s thinking about it a lot

martin had– martin is a guy. martin is definitely a guy, if something of a feminine-leaning gay guy, the kind of feminine-leaning no one ever questions in cis guys, and it hadn’t occurred to jon to question martin, either, even though he’s trans, and. and.

he’s still circling round a revelation he can’t quite make himself have an hour or so later, when martin sticks his head round the door

“you, uh. you alright?” martin asks, incredibly tentatively. it says a lot, jon thinks, about how nice martin is, that he’s asking even though there’s a 90% chance jon will tell him to fuck off “you kind of disappeared abruptly, earlier. i didn’t upset you, did i?”

jon stares at him for a long moment, then says, “can i see your nail polish?”

“oh!” martin’s cheeks flush, just slightly, as he steps inside the office and lets the door shut behind him “uh, yeah, of course. it’s a little chipped, now, but, yeah”

martin’s nail polish is a light, pastel blue. it’s neat, and even, though his nails aren’t that long, and jon thinks he remembers martin saying something about mostly painting his nails to try and get himself to stop biting them. jon’s never really gone for nail polish, but it’s. nice.

“it’s, uh. it’s a good colour, on you,” he says awkwardly. martin flushes even more

“oh, um, thanks? did– are you alright?”

if jon was a different kind of person, this is where he’d open up to martin, and this would be the beginning of them becoming actual friends

jon is jon, though, so he just shoves all his emotions back in the box they escaped from, nods, and says “i didn’t sleep that well, is all. not really up to socialising”

(an aside about s1 jonmartin dynamic: jon is very good at shittalking martin when martin isn’t around, but in the face of martin’s genuine care and concern, he defaults back to a far more friendlier tone than he’s aiming for. he knows, on a level, that he and martin could be good friends if he ever got his shit together, but that is something else he’s currently repressing. he doesn’t need friends! he isn’t desperate for social contact at all! what’s loneliness!)

martin says “ah, okay, i’ll just– i’ll leave you alone, then”, and then jon makes himself focus on work, and then when he gets home he opens the group chat he’s still, thankfully, in with the trans people who got him through his first gender crisis and sends ‘help i don’t know if i’m a guy after all’

three people immediately send back a link to nonbinary.org

and that’s the rest of jon’s evening

he reads through every article. he reads several articles multiple times. he opens several new tabs, and gets a notepad to make a list of books, and eventually remembers to reply in the group chat

a week later, he bites the bullet and writes an email to georgie

nothing long, just, they still tell each other about big life events

and then, another couple weeks after that, when martin brings him tea, he says, “ah, martin, could i– do you have a moment?”

“of course,” martin says, and lets the door swing closed again, “what do you need?”

“i, ah. this isn’t very professional, so, you don’t– you are perfectly welcome to say no, of course, but i. um. would you– come clothes shopping with me?”

(ideally, jon would have asked georgie, but as much as he loves her (still), they haven’t talked properly in years, and she is cis. the best cis person he knows, but still a cis person. and he’d just, rather have a trans person, for emotional support, and no one in the group chat lives particularly nearby anymore) (or, well, some of them are, but when he asked they all told him to get over himself and ask one of his ‘lovely’ coworkers)

(why does he ask martin and not sasha?) (well, dear reader, he is nursing the beginnings of a crush) (not that he knows it. but that’s absolutely what’s happening here. martin is sweet and lovely and jon definitely finds him annoying and overbearing. yes. nothing else. no other emotions.) (his chest feels all weird when martin smiles because he doesn’t like him. that always happens around people he dislikes.)

“oh!” martin says, surprised. “uh, yes, of course, is– is there an event or something…?”

jon takes a moment to stare at the wall above martin’s head before he makes himself say, “i. am non-binary, and i need– different clothes.”

“oh, god, have we been–”

“no, no, this is a, a very recent development. he is still fine,” jon says, quickly, then pauses, then adds, more haltingly, “i think. i might, if – they, as well, maybe? just, to see”

“of course. d’you want me to tell tim and sasha?”

martin, jon thinks, is maybe not all that bad “yes, please”

“cool,” martin smiles, “i’m free this weekend? for shopping?”

“this saturday would be good, yes”

and then jon and martin go shopping! it’s probably not that successful of a shopping trip, because it takes jon like four shops before they admit what exactly it is they’re looking for, but they go to several charity shops and have fun trying to one-up each other with the most ridiculous/inexplicable item of clothing, and at the end of the day jon has three skirts (a knee-length black a-line skirt, a full-length black skirt, and a full-length black skirt patterned with red flowers), two necklaces, and a skater dress they probably can’t get away with wearing to work, but they really liked the way the skirt moved when they spun

other things that happen include lunch at a cafe where the staff definitely think they’re on a date and only martin notices and also martin is dying, both of them only managing to walk past a secondhand bookshop twice before they cave and go inside, and then emerge half an hour later both holding three books (two poetry anthologies and a sci fi novel; a psychology book and two history books), and martin somehow talking jon into trying on skinny jeans and then, again, leaving this mortal coil

jon doesn’t buy the skinny jeans, which is for the best really

the first time jon wears one of the skirts to work, sasha does a victory lap around the archives because “hell yes skirts are so much more comfortable, and now you swish! tim you should get a skirt. skirts for archives uniform”

and jon is still a prickly antisocial bastard but now he’s an outly nonbinary prickly antisocial bastard, and sometimes they walk into the archives at 2PM smelling of tobacco and holding a bottle of vodka, and then the archives staff all do shots and dramatic readings of the most ridiculous fake statements, because sometimes that’s how you cope with cis people, and that’s! valid!