#and right now there are soo many things it can guilt me with

[fallenfawnn]

i have lost count of how many times i have cried today, i have yelled and screamed more than 10 times, collapsed to the floor more than 5 … im so exhausted now .. and slightly more stable.. but still the tears won’t stop. im a little glad they won’t.. i haven’t *felt* so much in a while. and maybe it is a little bit nice after months of dissociated autopilot.

[xreflextion]

I feel like I've seen a lot of content about Ororon potentially dying due to the anemo curse, so now I have this fic idea in my head where the anemo curse is a real thing, and it's next target? Ororon. Cue angsty time loop where Ororon keeps getting killed right in front of Ifa while he keeps trying to prevent it.

Disclaimer: I'm not a fic writer and I don't really keep up with character backstories/characterization outside of like fanfiction, so these ramblings may be OOC/cringy. Read at your own risk!

This is loosely based off a time loop xiaoven fic I read a while ago on ao3 (which was soo good, I highly recommend), which I think was based on the (canon?) idea that Venti knew the time god, so maybe the anemo curse is like done by the time god who was resentful about being forgotten/potentially betrayed in some manner. I think it would make sense since it appears for many characters, they have their closest friend die, before/after they receive an anemo vision. So it's kind of like this curse does not care for the boundaries of time (since it's created by the time god who could control time). Whether the past, present, or future, all those who gain an anemo vision in any time are cursed to lose the one they care most about (or someone they care about, but the most seems more tragic, even if I'm not sure if this is the case for all anemo characters). Maybe this time loop could also be the time god's work, whose anger has dimmed through the years and now wishes to break the loop before more lives are lost.

I feel like there’d be a lot of angst potential with this. Ifa's technically not a human doctor but he is a vet, so there'd probably be some guilt/issues with not being able to save patients, which is great when Ororon keeps dying in front of him while he is helpless to do anything but watch.

There could also be some humorous parts if you write from Ororon's POV where he is unaware that he keeps dying, so Ifa is just randomly showing out of nowhere, acting very hypervigilant (and probably very OOC since he appears to be a pretty chill guy in the story) and basically following him everywhere while Ororon's like peacefully taking care of his aphids and vegetables, which I'm sure is sweet in a way, but also highly concerning because dude, what about your saurian patients? Idk I think I read somewhere that Ifa would be pretty busy with going all over the place to take care of patients, so why is he spending the day following Ororon around?

Maybe there could be a part where they (Ororon and Ifa, because Ifa's not letting Ororon out of his sight if he can help it) somehow travel to Mondstadt (maybe with the Traveller's tp point ability) when trying to find the origin of the curse or whatever. And I've read some theories? about Lisa dying in three years or something (I'm not sure if that's a canon thing though), so you could have some Ifa-Ororon-Jean-Lisa interactions since they're both under curse!

^I don't know if Ororon would know about the time loop at this point, but I think it'd be kind of funny if he had no idea and just followed Ifa to Mondstadt (because Ororon literally joined forces with the First Fatui Harbinger against his own archon, travelling to halfway across Teyvat gives the same vibes)

Ifa: Bro, we need to go to Mondstadt

Ororon, not even questioning it: Ok, but let me say goodbye to my vegetables and aphids first (and write a note to granny Citlali in hopes that she doesn't kill me for this stunt)

Ororon, after getting the whole timeloop stuff out of Ifa: We should see if Granny has any divinations/prophecies about this

Ifa, just realizing that his best friend's grandma is the best shaman in the tribe: shit you're right, why did I just go through like 15 loops of you dying

(Idk actually Citlali would be able to provide any insight as a shaman, but I think this would be funny to envision)

Could have a loop where Ifa tries to end his friendship with Ororon because the curse is related to someone he cares about dying + pushing everyone away (the angst potentiall), although I'm not sure if that would prevent Ororon's death (since Heizou got into a fight with his friend who still ended up dying), but that could be an avenue to explore.

If you actually read this far, why would you torture yourself with this trash. But seriously, thanks so much! I didn't really expect anyone to read this mess of an idea, it's just been running around in my mind so much that I had to get it all out. This is also my first tumblr post (because idk where else to post this), so I apologize for anything that's out of place/weirdly formatted because I'm not really sure how to make posts on tumblr, if there's a convention to it.

[olenvasynyt]

So, we all know how much you love Lucien, and in the spirit of appreciating him, here are some questions. Feel free to answer whichever ones you like:

1. What makes you like Lucien so much?

2. What do you think are his strengths and weaknesses?

3. What are your favorite headcanons about him?

4. What do you think about his magic?

5. How do you think he feels about his family and the Autumn Court? And what about Helion?

6. How do you think he currently feels about the Spring Court? And about Tamlin? And Andras?

7. How do you think he feels about the Night Court and the Inner Circle? And about Feyre?

8. How do you imagine his relationship with Jesminda was? And how do you think his relationship with Elain will turn out? How are they different, and how are they similar?

9. Since ACOEAS shows us a younger Lucien, how do you think he’s changed over time?

10. How do you think all the events from the books have affected him?

Omg anon I love youuuuu so many amazing questions thank you for distracting me!

1. What makes you like Lucien so much?

I've always been really drawn to characters like him. One of my first fictional crushes was Dustfinger from Inkheart, I read that series when I was 8 or so and I swear soo many of my fictional crushes are similar to him, including Lucien. I made this post about their similarities but in general: red hair, fire powers, scarred face / eye, rakish, foxy attitude, and tragic backstory where he loses his home and/ or misses his loved one?? I devour it. I fell in love with Lucien from the moment he stepped onto the page and I haven't been able to let go of him since. And besides my fixation on this type of foxy character, he's also just a character who stands out in ACOTAR? He offers a different perspective, he's a refreshing break from the very typical darked haired shadow daddy enemies to lovers trope. He's clever and sad, he's sexy and super fae, h'es brave and selfless and has an incredibly tragic story that I can devour. I could say soooooo much more but I think the answers to some of your other questions will apply to this one too lmao

2. What do you think are his strengths and weaknesses?

His cleverness is definitely one of his strengths. He is so smart and very little gets by him, he just sees everything. As an emissary, he knows so much about the world, politics, survival, etc. And he's very loyal and kind too, and will risk his life to do the right thing. Some people see this as a weakness, and some people will fully ignore or deny that Lucien had this, but he is absolutely brave and loyal.

But I think one of his weaknesses is his struggle to keep his mouth shut haha. And this is because he is brave and loyal, but sometimes his emotions do get the better of him and cause him to get in dangerous situations. I think he was more infamous of this when he was younger.

And he is very much filled with guilt and self-hatred, and I think this prevents him from doing certain things. It's not seen a lot on the outside, but Feyre got a little glimpse into his mind and saw some telling things:

I don't think feeling guilty and hopeless is necessarily a weakness: I think those are very important traits that a human should feel in order to grow. But I think his guilt from Jesminda is really impacting him, and maybe causing him to have complex feelings with his mating bond with Elain.

3. What are your favorite headcanons about him?

I made this post about my Lucien headcanons! I think one of my favorites is he used to have short hair when he was younger to make him not look like his brothers, but began to grow his hair out when he was with Jesminda. When she died he refused to cut it and now it's past his waist.

4. What do you think about his magic?

I might have made a post about this I can't remember, but a lot of people theorize that he doesn't have fire powers but I think he does, SJM is very unfortunately vague with her writing haha. I also like the symbolism of him having something of his mother's and his father's. He still has two parts of him, and Autumn is one of those parts! I'm realyl excited to see his Day Court magic, I definitely think the spell-cleaving powers will come into play with future plots.

5. How do you think he feels about his family and the Autumn Court? And what about Helion?

He absolutely has a lot of complicated feelings with his family. I do think he realized he was a bastard when he was quite young since High Fae magic develops around puberty. I think he was clever enough to keep it a secret. I think it's very complicated too. Eris wears this mask around people to get ahead and achieve his goals. He might have taken it off around LoA and when Lucien was younger, but I feel like as Lucien grew, Eris tried to distance himself from him to protect him and to help Lucien be able to protect himself. I feel like he was fairly close with him but they drifted apart for a bit when his powers developed, they came back together, then they drifted apart again. And Lucien may have developed some resentment for Eris because Eris is always wearing his mask to survive, and this may have hurt their relationship.

I also do think he loves the Autumn Court, but of course it's complicated too with the sexism and racism that festers in the Court. He learned from its people, he's familar with the land, and he holds memories close to him, as seen from how he decorates his room at the Spring manor.

Also about Helion, I go back and forth on if he knows Helion is his father or not. I think SJM will make him ignorant of this fact for the dramatics but it could be possible he knows because Helion became HL UTM. Maybe the heirs feel the transfer of power too. And we can see how Lucien displays HL heir powers as well, such as how he was able to command Cassian in SF. I'm actually going to do a separate post about his feelings about Helion lmao I'll link it here when it's up.

6. How do you think he currently feels about the Spring Court? And about Tamlin? And Andras?

BRO I think about him and Andras all the time, that was actually one of the first fanfics I looked up because I feel like he is still mourning for him. Bro, I would loveeeee it if they were lovers but that is yet another dead lover trope surrounding Lucien and 😩😭. But i do think he mourns over Andras still, even if he tries to push his feelings away. And about Spring and Tamlin as a whole: it's so heartbreaking because Spring and Tamlin became his home after he lost his. He lost Jesminda, ran from Autumn, and Tamlin took him in and welcomed him. And he played a very important role in the Court too. I think losing Tamlin and Spring was so frustrating for him. He is such a loyal person so I think it was so hard to leave Tamlin even after everything.

7. How do you think he feels about the Night Court and the Inner Circle? And about Feyre?

And speaking of frustratedddddd bro. I personally struggle with his friendship with Feyre, I think it was very one-sided and idk. I just hate Feyre for a lot of reasons and the way she has treated Lucien for the past few books genuinely makes me mad, I have made post after post after post on this topic lmao. But again, he's very loyal. I do believe he knows that the NC could be using him (as they have since ACOWAR) but he's not only clever enough to brush it off and use it to his advantage but he's also pretty hopeless. He clings onto things. But Night was his third home that he already doesn't feel like he belongs in, I think that might really piss him off. I do hope we get his POV in the future to finally get another perspective of the IC that's not riddled with annoying biases.

8. How do you imagine his relationship with Jesminda was? And how do you think his relationship with Elain will turn out? How are they different, and how are they similar?

Oh girl lmao, A Court of Embers and Sunlight will explain everything on my thoughts on Lucien x Jesminda I cannot fit it in this answer lmao. And explore my featured tags too because I talk about them a lot. I love them so much, I mourn for them, ugh. I think Jesminda was one of the first people who really saw him and gave him real hope. She is a huge part of his life, and she always will be.

And with Elucien. Ugh you should know my feelings for them too because omg I love them. I think Elain and Lucien will have some incredible tropes surrounding them: reluctant bond, suppressed feelings, growing into feelings, growing with each other and developing together. I think their bond is incredibly important and will be the key thing that discusses what fate is: SJM was like is it destiny or is it something we make, or is it both? (idk the exact quote lmao sorry). And I do think it's both with Elucien.

9. Since ACOEAS shows us a younger Lucien, how do you think he’s changed over time?

I think he has grown to become cleverer and sadder. He was always clever, but I really want to focus on what he doesn't know about in ACOEAS. In ACOWAR he said that he learned from Autumn's people, and I think them along with Jesminda really shown him different aspects of the world that he didn't know about. I also think he learned how to properly love, and that includes how to properly love himself. He doesn't have a lot of faith in ACOEAS because he kind of didn't see a future for himself. He was cast aside, dismissed and abused in the Forest House, and didn't feel like he belonged. But Jesminda made him feel like he belonged somewhere. This is kind of an answer for question 8 but idk, I think Jesminda helped him grow in a lot of ways.

10. How do you think all the events from the books have affected him?

Bro I think it fucked him up even more than he was before lmao. He's been through shit pre-ACOTAR: he lost Jesminda, he hasn't seen his mother, he lost his eye, he lost Andras, he lost Feyre in ACOMAF, he was hurt by his life-long friend Tamlin, he lost Tamlin and Spring, he and Elain have yet to work out their feelings, Rhys and Feyre are shits to him sometimes, and he's practically homeless and with only his job to keep him afloat. Like bro PLEASEEEEEEE GIVE HIM A HAPPY ENDING WITH ELAIN I BEG OF YOU, SJM

[mochiwrites]

Don't mind me! Feeling soo soo fine about songbird blood au right now. Mhm, why are you looking at me like that??? I'm not lying!

....

Well except... YOUR AU IS SOO FLIPPIN AMAZING YOU AMAZING PINK WONDERFUL PERSON OF A CAT!!! YOUR WRITING AND KNOWING HOW EACH PLOT HAS TO WORK TOGETHER, CHARACTER INTERACTIONS AND CHARACTER PERSONALITIES ARE ON POINT!!!

I LOVE HOW SCAR WAS SHOWN AS A TYPE OF EVIL DUDE BUT HE ACTUALLY HAS A SOFT HEART FOR HIS SON. OR MUMBO SEEING GRUM AND JRUM AS HIS KIDS. OR SKYBLING DUO PROBABLY MORE OF A CHOAS DUO ARE SOO SWEET WITH GRIAN JUST WANTING TO KEEP PEARLIO SAVE AND VICE VERSA.

I LOVE THE SMALL DETAILS FROM THE FLOWER SCAR GAVE GRIAN TO SCOTTS HOUSE BEING HIS LITERAL HOUSE OF NEW LIFE.

Mochi you are one of the most talented people I have ever seen! Creating an amazing au such as this and possibly making many more!

Thank you soo much for sharing your amazing stories(such as songbirds<3)

hi hello, yes, anon??? don’t mind me as I CRY at you waugh????

🥹💕💕💕 wahhhh thankies ;w; songbird definitely has,,, the most work I think I’ve ever put into a fic before? I love the story so much and uwawawawawa getting asks like this is always so nice 🥺 it makes me so happy to see how loved it is

it’s a little insane how much planning has to go into songbird DKFKDKFKK arc two alone was crazy to plot out and string all the details together, and arc three is double that. but I genuinely love it so much. I love the character work I get to do and all the little hints of things I get to drop along the way. it’s always !!! so reassuring when people comment on the characterization and it being good 🥺

to this day I think scar has my favorite character introduction and deconstruction. I adore characters who are introduced as antagonists or made to seem evil but are being puppeteered by someone else. and scar is definitely no exception to that :D I also think he’s just the perfect character too like? he’s introduced and immediately taking control of the narrative, dragging grian into his circus and trying to kill him. you have this image of scar as someone who’s extremely dangerous, he can’t be trusted, he’s bad. and I purposefully keep you out of scar’s head until the moment is right, before his betrayal. but you gets the hints of scar’s softer side, his true self, and his tragic story through grian’s pov. you start to see deeper into him and waugh. I love him so much

mumbo seeing (and his fear of) grum and jrum as his kids is so important to me, especially with his backstory reveal coming (yes, we’re finally getting mumbo’s backstory soon :3c). this man has been through so much, has tried to close his heart off so many times, to stomp out his own kindness but he can’t. he loves those boys so much, even while carrying his guilt for turning them, his guilt for living, and his self imposed punishment. and he’s just so :((( I want to give him a big hug

and then you have grian and pearl who are so silly with each other, will tease and poke fun, but you can see how much they care about one another. it’s so sweet :((( and such a big piece of their relationship and wahhhhh

the little details are !!! my favorite part of songbird I think—because that’s where I hide all of my little easter eggs and references and call backs!!! the poppies and lilacs scar gave to grian will be making a return and scott’s house being the one from new life just felt so correct to me 🥺 and that’s not even getting into all the little bits of foreshadowing I’ve worked into the fics??? I’m sure I have more little details in the au but there’s over 280k words of songbird 😭😭

but ueueueue thank you sm 🥹💕 I always want to make sure that songbird is being written with the love and excitement it deserves—and that I can put all the care I can into the story. I hope it gets across when you read it ;w;

wahhhh thank you so incredibly much for reading what I write 🥺🥺

[terrence-silver]

How many children would Terry like to have with beloved? Do you think it would change in different eras?

― Twig? Maybe one child at best, not because he doesn't want more. Oh, he very much does --- he seems like he'd yearn and ache for it theoretically, but in practice he would've been freshly back from the war, he's still immensely young in the grand scheme of things even after everything he's been through, possibly messed up and internally traumatized in more ways than one, survivor's guilt galore, growing pains of a multitude of types (involving an oppressive, demanding father of his own, maybe?) budding ambitions to fix everything, including his own perceived weaknesses by accumulating power and strength, and so yes, one child does it in this period --- if that. The timing is bad for anything else, because this is entirely a transitional and transformative period for young Terry. He is out to outgrow everything he figures made him...well...Twig. He's out to build an empire. Learn how to run conglomerates. Companies. Learn how to be The Terry Silver. Polish himself into someone tough. Worthy of respect. Fear. He's hellbent on training. On training his body. His mind. On helping John build himself up too, because he figures he owes him that much after the man saved his life in Vietnam, and so really, the prospect of progeny? Have to wait a couple of years, because Terry would undoubtedly want to be at the top of his A-game and settle scores regarding everything first. He's simply a perfectionist like that. Or rather, he's shaping up to be one.

― Now, Terry in the 80's might go right into another extreme altogether; this man would either proceed having no children and enjoying perpetual bachelorhood and the life of a Californian Playboy Billionaire bon vivant (someone who lives exuberantly well) or he'd just hit an entirely different contrast and want several children. At once. Now. There's no either or. It is everything or it is nothing. Go large or go home. He wants so many that a company (or a full Tang Soo Do class) can be named after them. Silver and Sons Branch of Dynatox. Silver and Children Inc. Terry Silver's Cobras. The world is his Oyster and he intends to dine with a big, decadent spoon and he almost views siring quite as many kids like one would view a competitive sport, except, Silver is out here to win a Gold Olympic medal for it (same as always), because beloved never really stops being knocked up. They give birth and not before long --- whoops, it happens again. First of all, wonderful way to sweetly be in control and ensure his beloved stays put and under his devoted thumb. Second of all, he relishes in seeing them so dependent and so his. Filled with him. Third of all, their pregnancies are a full circle of a self-fulfilling prophecy that function a bit like a natural aphrodisiac for the aspiring patriarch of ten, because beloved might turn him on so much he is already planning the next child before the first one is even born.

― Terrry Silver at his older age? Hard to tell. I think he thinks the opportunity for offspring has passed and that he missed his chance. That that chapter is closed, time being the great equalizer. That it is one of those things that slipped out of his control, and since the notion of things slipping out of control tend to haunt him and make him feel infuriatingly powerless to the point of being capable of making him lose his mind, the topic remained a bit of a sore wound and it was possibly in the back of his mind for decades, like something he still wouldn't give up on, because the man doesn't give up. Not really. So, when a child does happen...and these things, they never happen unplanned for the meticulous planner that is Terry, so let me re-phrase and say, when a child is a success, and somehow, at his age, he gets his first ever heir, it is like a newly invigorated energy stirs in him and he wants more. Craves it. He will have more. Because whatever he wants, he gets. So, really, he doesn't really stop at one. After the firstborn, a second one comes, and then he already wants a third because something dormant awoke in him and it doesn't intend going back to sleep. Terry might feel he won something, in fact, he knows it. In actuality, he is happy. Yes, this is happiness. This is legacy. There will be another Terry Silver yet, after him, and another one still after that and it is like he can vicariously live forever through that notion and The Valley and all his enemies in it will hear from him yet.

[amethystina]

I'm sorry for the sudden ask but if u don't mind me asking, is the one who says this Yohan ? : "Who I entertain is none of your business."

If it's him then ouch 😭

It's Yo Han saying that, yes. Followed by Ga On replying:

"You're right. It's not."

That said, I still haven't decided if I'll actually write this or not x'D At the moment it's just roughly 600 words of dialogue for a possible ficlet set sometime during the later parts of the drama (but before The Breakup), where Ga On gets jealous enough about Yo Han's previous conquests to (accidentally) push things between them to... develop, I guess we could say? xD

But I think the idea needs to percolate a bit first. Since while I find Ga On's apparent penchant for jealousy quite fascinating, I'm also a little wary of the trope itself. It can easily turn into something quite toxic. And while toxic is par for the course with these two, I also want it to make sense for the characters and maybe have a little more substance?

Like, it almost feels a bit cheap to have that whole "I saw these two people do something vaguely suspicious and now I'm grumpy and jealous" cliché?

Then again, Ga On is both emotional and impulsive enough to fall for it x'D Especially if it's coupled with a bit of mild internalised homophobia and guilt over the fact that he "should" be more interested in pursuing Soo Hyun, not feeling jealous over something Yo Han does.

He'd be so annoyed that Yo Han makes him feel all those confusing things and then has the audacity to flirt with someone else.

RUDE >:C

And I guess the substance would come quite naturally once Ga On reaches the point where he goes: "What if this unspoken thing between us is just another one of his games? Something he does for fun? Because that's just what he's like? I'm just a joke to him, aren't I?"

And also realises that Yo Han doesn't actually owe him anything, so whatever jealousy and attachment Ga On feels is entirely his own fault.

(For someone who doesn't like angst, I sure find ways to include it in many of my fics).

I am tempted to write it, I can admit, especially since it would also include a scene a bit later (as in, a bit after the two phrases above) where Yo Han goes:

"I'm making it your business. If that's what it takes."

Because I like that thought? Or, rather, I'm impressed by Yo Han's creativity when it comes to expressing that "I want you to be the person to entertain me now" but without sounding quite that desperate. He's perfected the skill of never appearing weak or giving other people the upper hand into an art.

So yeah. We'll see. Either way, it's not the project I should be working on right now. So it's not happening anytime soon even if I do decide to write it xD

[analoceits]

mushroom rings & faery things chapter 1: loyalty

A03 link

note:

thanks to ChaosIsMyName on A03 for reading this over!! theyre the fucking best and yall should read their shit.

also uhh. felt fair to warn that i do NOT pull any punches on my body horror. its brief and skippable but i do get pretty intense when i do go with it soo, yeah. as well this is probably one of the darkest and messiest chapters in this whole fic, and the full promise of older brother remus wont come in till later [like chapter 3] so yeah 3 it will happen eventually but right now everyones too messy to be sweet. you can see the seeds of it start to grow tho!!

tags:

Disabled Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Fae, Body Horror, (for like 1 or 2 paragraphs but yknow), Fae Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Light Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Found Family, Things look Worse Than They are, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, implied/referenced suicidal ideation, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders has a Cane, Remus Typical Gore Discussion, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Discussions of Death/Grief, no one dies tho,

-

I’m so sorry,

I know you don’t want me to do this, but I know I need too. I can’t go another day not sure if Roman will live or die, and I doubt you guys can either. No matter what you say, I’m indebted to you. It’s time I pay that back. Go to the edge of the woods, my gift will wait there.

With endless loyalty, Virgil.

Virgil pocketed the note in silence. It was the last of many ugly, emotional, gut-wrenching drafts and the only one he could imagine having them read. The only one he had managed to write without crying. With it completed, he had nothing left to do here.

He took one last look at his room from the bed. It didn’t look familiar; he had cleaned up most of his things so they wouldn’t have too while grieving. Still, there were some marks of himself that he couldn’t hide under the bed. 

A scuff in the tile from his boots, old purple sheets torn where he pulled on them too hard, a single blind tied to the rest with green string where he broke it. Family carved into a bed post. Despite his best efforts, there was proof he had lived.

With that bittersweet thought, he pulled himself up off the bed and steadied himself with his cane. He smiled just barely, slowly making his way down the stairs and around the hall. As soon as he was off the stairs, his eyes locked on the front door, but he silently shook his head.

There was one stop before he had to leave.

It took care to ease the bedroom door open silently, but as soon as he did he was at Roman’s bedside. He couldn’t help the way his stomach twisted with guilt at the sight - white bandages wrapping around his stomach where a red sash should be. The only red left was that pouring out of his guts, now.

Between bouts of crying and frantically checking his bandages, Logan had called it a godly miracle he survived. That was, of course, right before Patton physically dragged him to bed for his own sake, but it still held some weight. Their luck couldn’t last them forever, though. 

His eyes darted down to his cane when the thought hit him. The cane was a gift from Roman, one he had carved for hours on hours with painstaking care after Virgil started to complain of his pain. The one with from your family carved under the handle in gentle letters. Virgil had to hold back tears of joy when he first used it.

It was the last gift Roman was able to give him, a gift to make sure he wasn’t in pain. Even with the cane, he couldn't help Patton forage, or Logan shop, or Roman hunt. The thought sent a strange spiraling guilt through Virgil, but it didn’t matter.

It didn’t, because he knew he could fix it anyway. No matter how high the price may be.

He slipped the note out of his pocket. It was so small in his hand, but it must’ve weighed ten thousand pounds with how hard it was to hold. He tucked it in between Roman’s fingers with painstaking care. It was the only spot he could think to leave it.

Sparing one last glance to Roman’s limp form, he turned his back on the bed. The satchel felt practically weightless when he pulled it over his shoulder - if you could even call it that. It was tiny, only enough to fill a small cup of milk and a tiny jar of honey. That was all he needed.

Right as he went to stand up, a sharp whimper sounded from behind him. He glanced back to Roman, twisting and turning fitfully in his bed between little cries. Right, nightmares. They had only gotten worse since his accident, Logan had mentioned.

He hesitated before turning around, but he knew he didn’t have the guts to leave him like that. He was loyal to him. His hands were practically shaking as he nervously brushed the hair out of Roman’s face and shushed him, “shh, it’s ok.. there you go, there you go bud. You ain’t got anything to fear, Ro.”

Slowly, Roman stopped his twisting and turning, quieting down. Still, there was the slightest furrow to his brow and Virgil couldn’t help the fond way he sighed. He leaned down over him, brushing a finger over his brow as he kissed his forehead.

As soon as he drew back up, there was a hand softly grasping at his wrist, and it took all his willpower to pull out of the grip. “I know,” he said as he fit the sheets back over Roman, “I don’t want me to leave either.”

It wasn’t hard to open the house door silently and it wasn’t hard to pace down the stone path without his boots or cane making a noise. No, that wasn’t hard, he had practiced. It was hard to not look back. It was so hard, to swallow his guilt and grief and not look at those unlit windows. 

He kept walking anyway.

Their house was near the edge of the woods, so he knew it wasn’t going to be a very long walk. Still, his entire body ached and he stumbled down the path as it turned from stone to gravel, then to dirt, then to overgrown grass. Brambles thickened on either side of the trail.

Finally, he reached the edge of the woods, and it was just as great and imposing as he remembered. Dark, thick leaves hung overhead and any trace of moonlight would be gone as soon as he passed under those trees. He knew he wouldn’t need the light, the path painstakingly memorized but the darkness felt endless nonetheless. 

With one deep breath he pushed between the leaves and made his way onto a deer path carved in the grass. There was just the barest shine from moonlight that managed to worm its way between leaves, and he thanked the heavens for that.

Every passing step through, though, had the moon’s light fading until pure black clawed at the edges of his vision and he could barely see his own boots. The old growth of the forest thickened around him as he went on.

He kicked through undergrowth and slapped at brambles with the edge of his cane. Thick brambles and thorns caught on the edges of his pants, as if the forest itself was pleading with him to head back, but he simply kicked through and continued. No matter what anyone said, he had a duty.

The walk was an hour at most, but it felt like ages. Every step he took he wanted nothing more to turn around and bolt home, but he was not a coward. He was loyal to a default; he would not give up when he was needed. Even if he couldn’t think to call himself a good person, he payed his debts.

Even with the misery, he had a slight bit of company. The sounds of nature churred around him; a breaking stick and then the delighted chirp of grasshoppers, a shrill whistle cry of a bird and then a distant splash from a pond out of his view. The closer he got to his destination, the louder and more frequent the noises became; an accompanying orchestra. He didn’t know if it was a hopeful heroic swell or a tragic one.

Finally, the woods started to clear around him; giving up on fighting him. Slowly, at first, brambles let up and the barest glint of moonlight shone through the trees, and then all at once as the last bit of undergrowth caught on his boots and he stumbled into the clearing.

It was uncomfortably beautiful. The full moon was bright, shining and hearty (he was sure it had been a half-moon when he had entered, but he didn’t think that mattered where he was.) The stars glittered above head along with it and it felt like they were winking down at him for some inside joke he was now in on.

The main thing that caught his eye, however, was the ring of mushrooms. They were stark, bright red and it briefly reminded his of Roman’s garish sash - then it reminded him of his blood, and his heart sank. It was fine, he told himself, he was making it up now.

He took a few paces ahead and then dropped to his knees right in front of the faery ring, carefully and slowly removing the pack from his shoulder and unloading the contents. Milk, honey, and a bowl. Perfect.

A strange sense of calm came over him as he placed the bowl in the farthest point of the ring. It was a painful, aching calm; like he was planning his own funeral. A singular mourner holding vigil for his own life, a living corpse. It was grim, but more than fitting.

The milk and honey smelled disgustingly sweet as he poured them both into the bowl, even if his hands were shaking. The moon and the stars glowed overhead like lanterns - no, eyes, eyes burning into the back of his skull. They waited to see what he would do next; lions waiting to pounce on him.

As soon as the contents were poured out, he lifted himself up with cane and took a step into the circle. His body rocked with invisible force until he dropped and was kneeling, hands desperately wrapped around the still up-right cane like in prayer. It wasn’t really that funny to him, but he didn’t try to move.

Instead, he bowed his head, terror suddenly pounding through his ribs and lungs like a horribly off tune song. Grief ran through jaw and throat, wrapping around it like a snake and making it hard to breath. Grief for himself and grief for growing old with them. Even if he knew he needed to do this, he missed home.

Still, through the aching pain, a deep, indescribable burning set ablaze in his finger tips and deep in his chest, and every spot where Roman’s nimble fingers would cart through his hair when he needed it. He thought that warmth might be called loyalty.

“I have an offering,” his voice was more hoarse than he had expected, but it was good enough. For a brief, but completely nauseating moment, nothing happened. The stars continued to blink above and moonlight danced in his vision.

Then blood welled through the grass, and the earth became an open wound. Dirt pushed itself apart and away, grass seeming to sway to avoid what was crawling out of the earth. Blood and sap, wood and flesh arose all at once in a spiraling tower of something, something that should not exist. Skin knit over pulsating, ugly flesh and a pair of eyes stared at him for something that was supposed to be a face.

Finally, something human like was formed. Human-like, because those few seconds taught Virgil that whatever fae were, they were not human. It stared down at him, a strange blank curiosity on its features. 

As he stared back at it, something suddenly clicked in his brain and he was sure he was going to be sick. He wanted to be wrong, but the only question left was a simple one. Why the hell was Roman here?

No; it wasn’t exactly Roman, but at the same time.. it could only be him. It was a strange, gross sight. The same dorky smile that showed just one too many teeth, but the teeth were as sharp as blades. The same striking green eyes, but an odd cold rested behind them.

The figure - person - fae, fae, had scars littering up and down his skin and ungodly green eyes and a wide smile. Passion and adventure and want burned behind his eyes but it was wrong, scarily feral, scarily.. animal. 

At a closer look, he was far too old as well. A decade older than Roman, at least. Age weighed on his face in the form of crows feet and a thick mustache, the same color as his hair. It was as dark as Romans, to be sure, but colder - without the red tinting it warm.

Was this.. some fucked up joke? Was this a near death hallucination? Or maybe, maybe this was the first form of torture planned for him, a reminder of why he was here. Either way, the sight made it hard to breath.

The fae spoke first, “I’m Remus, your local fae prince.” With the word Remus sickness and the cold scent of pinewood rushed through Virgil so hard he leered. The prince of the fae, the actual fucking fae, just gave him his name. Freely, just as that.

Virgil realized what it was a second later - a show of power. A quiet, but impactful way to remind Virgil that no matter what information he had, no matter how hard he fought, he was powerless here. It made his heart sink.

“Thank you,” Virgil whispered and in the same breath he cringed from his own words. Right, no thanking them. How had he forgotten? “I’m here to offer myself to you, on one condition.” It felt incomprehensibly stupid to speak of conditions when he was on his knees.

“I love conditions!” The too-shrill voice practically squawked out, leaning one elbow on Virgil’s cane nonchalantly. “What do you want, little stormcloud?” He grinned down at Virgil, clearly awaiting his response with delight.

“.. I have a friend,” Virgil carefully avoided his name, “he is gravely injured and, though stable, will not survive winter like this. I have another friend - he is trying to make a remedy. Theres one last ingredient he needs, a flower - oleander.”

Remus gave him a look, a single eyebrow raised at him. “Stormy - can I call you stormy? - Cool, thanks. Oleanders a poison, at least to you little.. flesh beasts. I don’t think your thinking of the right flower. It’d be cool to poison him and all, but y'know - doublechecking.”

Virgil thought over the words for a second, because he knew it couldn’t be a lie - even though that was exactly what his knee-jerk reaction wanted to say. After a second, he forced, “no offense, but I trust his medical knowledge more than yours.”

“Well, if you insist,” Remus shrugged then grinned, “still, that’s all you ask for your life!? Most ask for more than that. Money, power, fame, love - and lust~, of course,” the creature wiggled his eyebrows and Virgil bit back the urge to gag. “You can ask for more, you know. A lifes worth more than a flower.”

Virgil looked up, mildly stunned by what he heard. Was Remus.. trying to help him? The thought sent a feeling of vertigo through him, but he hesitantly spoke, hand picking each word that slipped out of his mouth, “there won’t be any extra.. stipulations because of this, will there?”

“Nah! I’m just bored, you see, and I love doing those little tasks for you mortals. They always go through the same cycles. First their filled with delight and shock at their new gifts, then grief and disgust as they ask why their daughter, or lover, or brother has went.” Remus turned his head back and practically cackled through out.

“.. Alright,” Virgil knew the fae couldn’t lie, and he couldn’t find much of a loophole in the words, no matter how.. depressing. “Some money to be comfortable for the following years, good fertile land to plant on, and a hunters blessing. For my family, please.” Virgil stared down for a reason he himself didn’t quiet understand.

Remus looked down at him with a strange expression. It took Virgil a moment to process it as curiosity, but before he could comprehend that, the fae spoke. “Man, you’re weirdly humble. Don’t even want any good shit! Or just, well, shit. Do you know how many farmers have asked for good manure?” He turned his head back and laughed, before looking back down, “well, they don’t usually offer their life for it.”

Virgil turned his gaze to the side. The words weirdly burnt at his chest. It was the reminder, he realized. He wanted to go home so fucking bad. The rough dirt made his knees ache and his hands blistered against the wood he held so tight and he wanted nothing more than to step out of the mushrooms, come home, and hug his family so close he didn’t have words for it.

“Will you stop mocking me?” Virgil hissed through his teeth, fear burning in his heart at every word that slipped out of his mouth without his permission, “I just want to get sacrificied in fucking peace before I spend the rest of eternity dancing as my skin burns off and muscles rot away, and- and-” suddenly, it was hard to breath. His lungs felt tiny and air was too large to choke down.

The fae thing gave him a strange look from where he hovered over Virgil, watching him have a panic attack like he was a mildly interesting rock. After a weird long moment of that, he spoke with delight, “wow are you killing yourself by self-suffocation!? That’s so cool!” 

That startled a laugh out of Virgil’s chest, then a few awkward coughs as his body readjusted to breathing again. He stared up at Remus awkwardly. “Nobody’s had a panic attack while sacrificing themselves to you before me?” He choked out.

Remus propped his hands up on his hips. “Not until you, stormy! You’re the first,” he said without a single sense of the weight of the words. For a fae, creature known for their odd but strict manners, he was wildly impolite.

Virgil couldn’t help but cringe with it, then awkwardly bark out a few laughs. “I can’t even kill myself right, can I?” He didn’t realize what he was saying until the words came out of his mouth, and then he closed said mouth tight.

The fae was giving him another one of those peculiar looks again before continuing to speak. “Man, is this meant to be your suicide? You’re like, really bad at that then because I have no plans to kill you!” The grin was strangely warm, now.

“Look, I- I’m gonna be basically dead by the end of this anyway. No old life to get back to,” he sighed quietly, before asking, like a slight plea, “can we get this over with, now? I don’t wanna spend longer here.”

The smile dripped off Remus’s face and Virgil felt oddly guilty. “Well, if you’re so impatient, then lets get this over with, stormcloud. You know what to do to stop it. Just give me your name.” The weight of the phrase was more than ever.

Suddenly, hearing the words - Virgil realized how badly he didn’t want to get it over with. Like a desperate idiot avoiding the death he handed himself, he stalled. “What, you don’t want this to end? You having fun chit-chatting here?” He said easy as you please, tilting his head to the side. The false confidence was familiar.

That startled a laugh out of Remus, who cackled so loud and shrill that Virgil could hear the birds flee. “Wow, seems like our little stormy has himself a sharp tongue. Wonder how long that will last you.”

“Long as it takes for you to get tired of me and cut it off,” Virgil hissed through his teeth, a sly grin on his face. It felt as natural as breathing, and just as fulfilling as it. Something that he knew from memory.

He realized the memory was of Roman.

Remus didn’t notice his realization of course and continued without a single hitch, “I wonder if it will be like a lizard tail, still wriggling and writhing after I cut it out of your wordy little mouth! I mean, I’m sure I can make that happen.”

Virgil faked a gag and turned his gaze up to Remus again, “you’re real disgusting y’know, for being a fae, a creature of manners and politeness, you’re real gross. How do you even get away with your wordy little mouth?” Virgil asked, half teasing and half genuine.

“Well, manners are oh so subjective,” Remus grinned, seemingly preening with delight at this fact, “and so, with just a little bit of squirming around through loopholes and the like - you really can get away with most things.” His satisfied grin seemed to light up the clearing.

Or maybe that was the sunrise, peaking over the horizon like an unwelcome guest. Remus turned his head back to stare at it. “Oops! Looks like your time is up, my dearest storm. No more stalling~.” He turned back to Virgil. “May I have your name?”

The words carried the weight of ten thousand stones.

Virgil knew what to do though, and he spoke his name, tearing it out of his throat and soul as the sun rose along with bile in his throat and as the moon fell along with his bloody heart. He whispered the first two words that would be in his obituary, “Virgilius Sentinel.”

A coldness wrapped around him, tight and binding. It was like a promise; a cruel, sickening promise, the type that edged on threat. His body shook, lungs wheezing through breaths that couldn’t make it all the way into him. 

Even though he could still see Remus above him, staring down at him with that cruel grin and hands on his hips, he could feel his hands on his face, holding him still. They were as cold as he imagined, but not as painful.

Despite the terror, breaths slowly became easier as his body became more used to the feeling, the control, the vulnerability of it all. He adjusted to it, the world spinning around him as he learned to breath with smaller lungs. Maybe, this wouldn’t be as painful as he worried.

Right as he adjusted, though, there was a sudden burning in his chest and around his lungs. It was the kindest fire and the sweetest pain, and his lungs were aching as if he had managed to breath too much. It felt familiar; it felt like being held by warm and gentle hands. The fire chased off the cold.

As suddenly as the flame overtook him, it drew back. The feeling of being held turned to the feeling of being dropped, and the cold leapt back in as soon as the warmth left him. He shook just a little with the nauseating feelings. No matter the attempt at a fight, it was too weak.

Still, it left a small thought: something else had its own claim on him, separate from Remus’s. He silently reeled from that, but before he could think too hard he heard that barking shrilling laugh again and the world fell from under his feet.

[thetonethetollandthethunder]

Scythe chapter 11-15

You know the drill!! Cmon!!!

—

Chapter 11!!

-I always forget the conclave’s have names,,,

-The thing is, you can never blame these people for fighting back, it’s human nature, but OUGH the consequences of human nature are so devastating

-But just imagine the guilt you’d feel, your husband got killed and you get immune from the same fate for a whole year. That’s just prime for survivors guilt

-Also the fact that Faraday told the family the man didn’t resist is just testament to his kindness and compassion

-“The sanctity of the law…And the wisdom to know when it must be broken.” *Stares at Goddard*

-MILK SCENE, I unironically love this scene even tho I think it’s really funny

-Also I genuinely don’t know how ppl drink milk b4 bed, is that even a real thing? How does that make you sleepy??

-Also good on Faraday!! Don’t waste shit!!!

-Apparently all the Scythe Rings are white but I refuse to acknowledge that, they’re all multicolored and each color relates to the scythe in some way <3

-That ring security system Faraday has going on is sick as fuck tho ngl

-“Now let’s see how long it takes Rowan to go for the ring.” I love himmmm, he’s fun!!! He can be fun!!

-Tonist mention!! I love the Tonists <33

-Nice chapter!! Gives more depth to Faraday!!

—

Chapter 12!!

-Rowan and Citra’s test are approaching!!!

-The idea of having to hold yourself back in life because you’re afraid of being killed is actually terrifying—

-Also same Rowan, I hate studying too

-“Rowan concluded that not knowing was more terrifying than knowing.” If I remember correctly what the consequence is then that is CERTAIN true

-I LOVE Citra and Rowan’s banter here!! You can see their chemistry early on!!

-UGH I WONT LIST OUT ALL THE MOMENT BUT THEYRE SO CUTE!!!

-Cute chapter! Lots of Citran moments!

—

Chapter 13!!

-“I’m a human being, not a mole.” Faraday is soooo fun sometimes like so fun and endearing???

-“Destroyed back in the age of mortality by something called ‘terrorism’.” OKAY SO YES THIS DOES GIVE US A LOT TO THINK ABOUT IN TERMS OF WHAT PEOPLE HERE KNOW ABOUT THE AGE OF MORTALITY BUT ALSO THAT IS RLLY FUCKING FUNNY SOOO

-I too hate walking at 6:30 am (I go to public school in America)

-“I have found that with the Scythedom, it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission,” He is iconic yall

-“What’s the worst they could do?” Things said before disasters—

-“Running the gauntlet” Like walking the red carpet!

-“Scythes wished to be seen as the many faces of light, not of darkness.” And soon they will be! Yk, just right after the plague—

-SCYTHE CURIE OMG OMG!!

-OO now they’re seeing scythe goddard ohoho I LOVE HAVING FORESIGHT

-Citra would cringe at the fact she at one point dazzled by goddard

-Rowan don’t be fatphobic /j

-I like that the conclave’s are pretty boring for the most part, makes it feel more realistic

-I love how only when Citra becomes a Scythe does she begin to understand these rituals, shows how much she grows

-OHOHO we got goddards fuckin note bullshit! Citra is gonna hear allll about that when she becomes a scythe

-Love how Chomsky is basically described as “as white as anyone could be” lmaoo token white man

-also gun lobby, nothing to say about it just…Gun lobby

-Rowan starting to talk like faraday is GOLD

-Again I love Citra and Rowan’s banter

-SCYTHE CURIE

-The idea of the weaponsmaster being a infomercial salesman is SOO funny i need to use that in my scythe oc shit

-Also that digital poison sounds fucking TERRIFYING

-The Scythes not liking the term ‘victim’ is rlly interesting to me, shows they really think of themselves as these faces of light

-Neal I don’t think you know what feminine hygiene products sound like—

-Hand of midas shit but even MORE horrifying!!

-I am terrible with names I saw Scythe Mandela and thought he was Scythe Possuelo and I have no idea why

-Who names their child Ransom??

-VERY good and long chapter!! Two more to go!!

—

Chapter 14!!

-OOO the test scene!! One of my favorites!!

-SCYTHE CURIE

-Again what is with the shit names??? Jacory??

-OHH you do NOT interrupt scythe curie girl you are FUCKED

-Oh Citra you’re gonna revisit the worst thing you’ve ever done REALLL soon

-ROWAN LOSING ON PURPOSE FOR CITRA IS SOOOO!!!

-GODDAMN IT RAND I LOVE YOU BUT STOP

-AND THE TENSION THICKENS WITH THE ADDED RULE OF THEM HAVING TO KILL THE OTHER OH MY GOD ITS STILL GOOD MAN!!

-We all want a relationship with the thunderhead Curie

-Very good chapter that adds to the stakes of the story!! One more to go!!!

—

Chapter 15!!!

-God the shock and confusion and how upset they all are really captivates this conversation

-And you see that eventually Rowan is very willing to die at the hands of Citra, that’s how much he loves her like UGHH

-“Scythes were supposed to be above the petty,” oh citra you have no idea bby girl,,

-Hash pales!!!

-THE KISS SCENE

-Ive already went in depth about why I love this scene in my Citran analysis post but UGH I LOVE ITT

-Liar!! You are totally in love rowan!!

-GODDARD THE BASTARD

-God he is such a fucking dick i hate himmm

-Very good chapter :)

—

AND THATS THE NEXT 5!!! Next time we’ll do chapters 16-20!

[lemonzestywrites]

soo uhhh im still alive-

i know so many of you have been tagging me in tag games and i swear i see them but i was unfornutantly busy this week 🫣 i am alive still and ive added like a good 3k so here's a little feast in payment for my absence

✨(nsfw below the cut!)✨ also prepare yourselves its a long one

“You know what I’ve found out?” Buck asks his voice a devilish whisper of temptation and desire, the kind of coy taunting of everything Eddie wants so badly. Every coherent thought feels like it's nothing more than a semblance of a memory. All of it flutters and dissipates too quickly, like fog on an early morning day. Everything else around him feels so distant, only reduced to everything right in front of him- to the warmth of Buck’s hand, the rampant pleasure that coils through Eddie wildly, the ropes around his wrists. He can’t even begin to form words right now, he can’t even think of a fucking way to respond to Buck outside of the breathless gasps that are spewing out from him. Thankfully, Buck doesn’t seem to mind it, if anything, he seems to thrive off watching Eddie writhe beneath him, absolutely beaming as he does too. “You have a tell. For right when you’re about to come.”

The words just barely manage to process in Eddie’s mind even as they land with a low, hushed tone, the same kind of reverence saved for confession. Except there’s no guilt or shame carried in Buck’s words. A secret nonetheless, but one shared between the two of them. A string of shared connection. A kind of intimacy never shared with anyone else.

Eddie’s not sure what this feeling is entirely. The lack of heated humiliation carried in his chest is his best guess that this is so incredibly new.

And oddly enough…he’s okay with that. The presence of something else settling in place, offering him a kind of comfort he didn’t know he could get. That he didn’t think he was allowed.

But it’s offered to him so freely. So effortlessly.

Eddie can’t help but want to fall into it. Sinking further and further into this kind, safe headspace he’s found himself in. One where fear and anxiety can’t reach him, and instead, there’s nothing offered to him but endless bliss.

Above him, he watches as Buck leans in closer, diving down to the side of Eddie’s neck, a gesture Eddie can’t even question before he feels a pair of soft lips graze his skin.

He tilts his head unconsciously, allowing Buck more access, a motion that has Buck beaming into the crook of his throat. He nips teasingly at the skin, taking pleasure in the surprised sound that escapes from Eddie. The warmth quickly pulls away before brushing back up against Eddie’s cheek. He hears Buck hum to himself, no doubt a pleased smile speaking across his lips as he slowly presses himself up against Eddie’s side.

“It makes for such a pretty sight, too,” he whispers. His wrist curls on the upstroke, sending a sharp wave of pure liquid bliss up Eddie’s spine. Holy fucking shit. A bit more precome leaks from him, likely making an even bigger mess of Buck’s hand. But he just feels Buck press a wolfish smile into his skin, using it to slick his hand further. “Your head tilted back, your breath picking up…” his words drift off, leaving whatever remnants of Eddie’s read that are still clear to be sent running with the imagery.

The whole thing feels so out of body. The mental picture of imagining himself lying there, arms tied above his head, the absolute image of debauched bliss, his cock hard and leaking in Buck’s palm, all the while he keeps Eddie balancing that perfect edge of everything he so desperately wants but can never have quite yet.

There’s a moan that gets pried out of him. Eddie’s not entirely sure if it’s in part from his own sinful mind or the eager way Buck’s tongue traces the curve of his jaw, teasing the idea ever so slightly of leaving a mark right there for the world to see.

Something about it, the very hint of temptation that laced within the motion that sends Eddie’s head damn near spinning. “Please.” He’s not sure what he’s asking for. He’s not sure that he cares.

Buck’s hand doesn’t change in pace, but his grip tightens just ever so slightly. The pressure is enough to drive Eddie fucking wild. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to keep forcing himself to fucking breathe, even when he’s not sure he can retain any amount of air.

But obviously, it doesn’t stop there. Buck works his mouth softly, pressing open-mouth kisses along his pulse point, his thumb now working in tandem in the motion as he passes it gently along the slit of his cock. “Your mouth dropping open, trying to keep all those sweet little sounds at bay,” he murmurs, his voice sounding so close and so far. “Your eyes fluttering shut cause it just feels too good."

“Buck,” Eddie gasps, not sure if he can form any other words- express any other desire. He wants to come. He wants it so badly. He just needs Buck to get him there.

“How does it feel, Eddie?” Buck teases. “As good as you thought it’d be?”

Better, he wants to yell. He’s experiencing a feeling he never knew existed. A serenity he never thought he could reach.

He honestly couldn’t more fucking glad Buck’s questions are rhetorical now cause Eddie is just barely managing to process the words, and he doubts there’s any way for him to form a semblance of a response. Not now. Not like this. Not when everything feels so good.

It’s like someone lit a match to his gasoline-doused body, and now Eddie is drowning in the flames. And it’s the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to him.

afotalwcs taglist - @eddiebabygirldiaz @your-catfish-friend @giddyupbuck @jeeyuns @artemis-the-sinister

[dbldipper]

task #3- absence

dipper could hear the muffled laughter through the wall that him and mabel shared in their apartment. he couldn't make out who's sound was harmonizing itself with his sisters, then again, he doubted it would be one he recognized. he was half tempted to press the shell of his ear against dry wall and try to make out even a sliver of their conversation but... that felt childish. even if it wasn't childish, it felt selfish of him to want to know what she was talking about. to want to know what was making her laugh.

dipper hardly granted his twin sister any time anymore.

since they were kids, he remembered being attached to his sister's hip. the two of them were practically inseparable, like if someone wanted one twin and not the other, they'd have to surgically separate them from one another. now, dipper felt further away from his sister than ever, even though there was only few feet of wall coupled with shitty installation wedged between them. he frowned to himself, tucking his weight back against his pillow, pulling out one of his journals from the drawer of his bedside table. he twirled a pen between thumb and finger, teeth finding the skin of his inner cheek, his temples beginning to pulse as words struggled to run the course of his veins and migrate his fingers towards the page.

❛ dear mabel,

hey, it's your twin brother, dipper... obviously. i don't really know why i'm writing this but, we haven't been talking as much anymore... and i recognize that and how its primarily my fault. i'm not good at talking, but you know that. i never have been. it usually takes me longer than most to translate what i really want to say into words. then by the time i say what i mean, it doesn't matter anymore. damage has been done.

i've been hiding things from you. a lot of things. it doesn't feel right to be hiding things from you but i just don't want you to judge me. i'm not a good brother all the time, i know that. i fail in a lot more areas than i do well in and, you deserve better than that, but i am unfortunately who i am and while i am making active efforts to correct the parts of me that suck... it's hard. it's really hard, mabel. i don't like you to know when i'm struggling, i don't like you to know when things are hard because i know you have so much of your own things going on. im trying to step back, to let you handle things on your own without being the helicopter twin i was for so many years but .... im just bad at it. i guess my brain translated giving you space to be your own person into... just leaving you alone.

i can hear you laughing in your room, but i hardly know you well enough anymore to have the slightest idea of who may be in there laughing with you. i dont have the balls to check, to knock and say hi, so im just sitting here in my bed writing in this stupid journal....i doubt i'll ever even give this to you. i definitely won't. so i guess to ease some of my own selfish guilt, i'll confess to a few things i've been hiding from you in this letter and pretend like i'm going to give it to you. sound good ?? okay.

i've been having the nightmares again. they've been really bad, mabel, and i don't remember how to stop them. i've noticed a lot of my memories from gravity falls are beginning to feel so distant it's almost like my mind is making them up but... the nightmares, they're the same as they've always been. they all involve bill, and they all involve people getting hurt, and with me being unable to stop it. you, grunkle stan, soos, wendy... even pacifica. it's why i need to smoke so much. i've even started drinking more. i'm so desperate to escape my own mind and not even substances can offer me a gateway out. i won't tell you this because i don't want you to worry. i don't want you to feel the need to come in my room and check on me. i don't want to see your eyes well up when you see how tired i am and feel sorry for me. they'll go away. they did once before.

i'm sure you've noticed i haven't been home a few times. how i've come back in the morning or late afternoon, sometimes with ... injuries i can't explain. broken ribs, black eyes, amongst... other things. i'm not hiding from you. it isn't that i don't want to be home but... i've noticed, when i sleep at this particular place, that the nightmares aren't so bad. i haven't stayed there often enough to know for sure it's a solution but... staying there, it's starting to feel like more than just, i don't know, what it was before. i'm starting to think i really, really like this person, mabel. more than i thought i did. i wish i could tell you about it, i know you'd eat it up. i know you'd just bask in the mere THOUGHT of me having a crush or whatever and... i'm sorry to spoil that excitement from you. i'm having feelings i don't understand. the annoying part is i know you'd sit there and gush and go ' AWWWHHH you like her !! ' — i can literally hear you saying it now in my head as i'm writing that but.... i don't know if i want to hear that. i don't know if that's what it is. do i like her ?? the idea of her ?? the idea of SOMEONE ?? it's just another plethora of questions i don't have the answer to.

you'd have an answer. i'm sorry i won't pose the question so i can hear it from you.

god, you're still laughing. even harder now. fuck, i miss when we used to laugh like that. i miss being kids, being twelve, solving mysteries and fighting off monsters. hiding from grunkle stan when you'd spill glitter glue on the carpet or break a window with your grappling hook. but hearing you laugh right now, through the wall, it's at least comforting to know that someone out there is protecting you. reminding you that life is good, that it can be good, and that there are things to smile about. i'm happy someone is in your room, friend or whomever, making you feel loved. making you smile.

i'm sorry i haven't been that person. i wish i could be, like i used to. i'm just not that dipper anymore. i dont know how to be him again.

i love you. more than you know. i wouldn't be able to survive in this world without you. i wish i was able to show you that instead of just telling you. i'm working on it. i promise i am.

you are the best sister a guy like me could have ever asked for.

love,

dipper ❜

@mabelgiirl

[kuunibal]

I have some avoidant tendencies😅.. i mean i have a good long history/list of ending close connections just cuz their (whichever of my past friend we’re considering) and my personality grew apart. Or our lives grew apart. And with some, i even discussed it by saying smth along the lines of “we should stop trying to be close now, we’re clearly so diff/don’t really click well.. so let’s stop putting efforts in our friendship before it gets more awkward or whtv..(some had turned bitter/passive-aggressive, didn’t wanna say that). That way we’ll remember each other good in our memories. We can obv contact each other whnv we want to😊” i’ve always ended things on good terms with ppl (tbh confronting way was v rare, cuz mostly we’d just stop checking up. I did have guilt whnv it was from my side but I knew it had to be done cuz it was going nowhere).. i only have my childhood friends. I’m not saying all this proudly. I’m just admitting I’m myself responsible for being kinda alone, n my justifications are always somewhat like “had to be done”.. It’s just.. I’m at that phase where being active for keeping friendships is kind of.. not smth i can do rn. (They’re in their exploring phase which I can’t match) I’m not going to say “bEinG aLOnE mAKes mE sO hApPy” cuz I’m a talkative one so right ppl are obv>>> but yeah from some years, being alone has been comforting n addicting.. i don’t plan on staying reserved of this level in the future cuz this goes against my personal belief of ‘an ideal adult’… (i hope this answers that ‘how have u been faring’ part…) 

Tbh i was considering how staying on this page could make me more sick😅 cuz i have a tendency of fluctuating bw…. Of assuming you to be him occasionally (I’ve done this countless times before you too). And like if you’re really not him, then I should be stopping right away. Cuz obv.. you’re just an internet stranger in the end n getting close to you is only going to be bad in the long term. Resemblance is so much that an internet str. is bothering me much more than he should. But then… I’m having soo much fun here rn & you saying “will take your response as permission to continue in the future”.. like u r enjoying my msgs so much (even i enjoy here) n have an expectation from me to continue talking, i find it so precious & absolutely bitchy of me/heartbreaking to stop talking to you. I have delusional tendencies n I usually do have to go an extra mile to truly see what is actually the reality around me n what isn’t (my thoughts/dreams took a looong time to accept i was out of school) & then, stop myself from falling into things that can consume me n detach me from seeing what’s right in front. So I’m going to stop now. 

Moreover, I know someday I’ll have also to stop this habit of allowing him to haunt me everywhere n stop ruining my present cuz of it, clinging to a subconscious hope of finding him in the end, smth that’s never going to be happen. I hope this hits you too for your situation. There are some things which are out of our control, clinging onto them, being hopeful for them doesn’t take one anywhere. No matter how strong/worshipping type your hope is. They. Are. Just. Not. Happening. Ever. It’s better to focus on the things that we can control. The nature of reality is imperfect. The quicker we accept it, the better (I have sooo many examples) Chapters can be left incomplete. Or can have a gruesome ending. The kindest, most generous person can fall off from a balcony. A perfectly healthy olympic athlete can die in a road accident. Injustice happens everywhere. World doesn’t work acc. to ppl. Someone not getting a happy ending with their loved one, is the most common scenario happening around. 

Ik I unnecessarily extended this (& ik I promised u once to not repeat this ‘trying to fix you’ habit, this this the last time)😅 but i believe to make someone see your side of things, this way is better than writing 2 summarised lines. Or idk, maybe i was just telling myself all this🤔 idk exactly how you both have been/are progressing, so apply this only if it’s required..  

-🐻

If you are still here to read this, it's not bitchy at all to advocate for your wellbeing, and it takes a lot of strength to stop doing something you enjoy and acknowledging when it may not be the most healthy for you.

Again, feel free to block me if you have not already. You are right about needing to accept reality and not cling onto the idea of someone (and right that it is something I also sorely need). I wish you the best with your healing and your future as a whole.

[oraclekleo]

I'm being anonymous here hope you don't mind . But I want to vent . Hope it's okay for you ?? Soo for past years I'm avoiding being less sentimental about the way my parents body shame me . But for the last couple of months it's like I'm on edge . I can't anymore .... The moment they start this topic my head instantly start to hurt and I get a lump in my throat then I went back to my room and cry in front of mirror. Silently so they can't hear me . I just stare at my reflection like a statue . Numb . All red and teary eyes. I'm always not like this . I love to pamper myself . Do skincare and put on my fav makeup and style my hairs however I like . I feel good GOOD !! And also I stare in front of a mirror and pose , with just my undergarments and it makes me feel sexy and gorgeous . Then I blast my fav Playlist and dance like there's no tomorrow. I feel alive and lovely . But God knows why it triggers me so much when my parents body shame me that too infront of others and then I fall into this loophole of self hatred . I DON'T WANT TO. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL DEPRESSED AND SAD . But alas it's just happens . The weird thing is that they themselves don't realize they are hurting me . If I tried talking them they thought I'm seeking their attention and it's literally my job to be slim and trim . Also why they bring my favs food item and feed me then next day bodyshame me . It'd weird . It almost feels like a cycle. And I don't fucking wanna repeat it .

So so sorry if it feels uncomfortable or drains your energy while reading this because rn my energy is low and my head hurts so much . Have a nice day ahead .....

Hello!

First of all, no vents can ever disturb my energy. So be assured you are causing no trouble whatsoever for me.

Now!

Parents do have this disgusting habit of ruining their children - through body shaming, inflicting guilt, emotional blackmail and many more. And I know what I'm talking about. Been there done that. My mom was a fantastic person. I learned so much from her and I admired her. But she had no idea how much pain she put me through. And I never told her.

Your parents don't realize how hurtful their words and actions can be for a child, a person who is still sort of figuring their own identity out, seeking some comfort in their own skin. And unless you undergo some family therapy, they will probably never know. Because you have to pass exams and test ride to get a stupid driving license but any idiot can give birth to a child. No offense. But I would seriously make people who actually want to raise a kid study for it.

Anyway! There's no easy solution. Sorry if you are not seeking for one but my core nature is a problem fixer.

You could sit down and talk to your parents as rationally as possible. Parents often think you are seeking attention when you get emotional talking to them but when you stay logical and calm, it usually has a better efect. Just like you told me. Sit with them, ask them why they buy the food they know you can't resist, why can't they just stop buying it. Try to stick to the facts.

Obviously, this is a sensitive topic so maybe for various reasons you can't do the above. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself that since the day your mother brought you to this world, your parents' influence on you is gradually decreasing and one day in future you will wake up completely independent on them. Their opinions won't matter. This painful chapter of your life will come to it's end one day and new, more free and beautiful chapter when you will be able to be yourself without feeling any kind of pressure or guilt will begin.

And I can guarantee that. It took a very long time but at one point, my mom's opinions on my body or fashion or likes and dislikes, stopped to matter for me. At one point I realized that my life and my body are mine and mine only and she has no right to tell what to do with them. She can make suggestions, sure (and some were pretty nasty), but I'm not obliged to obey.

Don't let your parents being miserable at their parenting job ruin your life. You are better than that. Stronger than that. More beautiful than that. Whenever you start feeling bad about what they say, just remind yourself that their opinions are their opinions but they don't have to matter for you. They don't you inside out. They never did. You know who you are, who you want to be. They only see a little fraction of your whole beautiful self and they can't even appreciate it. Why should you care and hurt over words somebody like that says?

Parents are often connected to us through blood but that's so little! They often don't know us, the true us. They are basically like strangers. And would you care what some weird stranger say about you? You wouldn't, of course because strangers have no real impact on your life.

I'm not sure if I'm making real sense here but hopefully you can find bits and pieces of useful information in this. 😊

So yeah! I don't mind vents. I'm like a teflon pan - other people's emotions slide off of me and I can stay impartial and rational about their issues. And don't feel stressed by their problems. 😊

I hope you can feel better soon. And even a bit better tomorrow and the day after that. Remember that this period of your life is not forever. You will feel good in your body. And people will love you for who you are. Our bodies grow old and decay eventually. It's our personality that leaves a print in other people's memory and heart. 😊

So! Aspire to be a good person and comfortable yourself, not to make your parents happy. Especially when they clearly are not so good themselves. And you will never make them happy, by the way. No matter how hard you try, they will always find something to shame. It's a waste of time. Invest your energy into making yourself happy. The results there are guaranteed. 😁

Okay! I think this is long enough.

Feel free to talk to me anytime.

Kleo 🦄

[cuepiditas]

ANNOUNCEMENTS

DISCLAIMER: Content is for roleplaying purposes only!

“Oh, gulat kayo?” Luminara teases, eyeing the camera with a grin.

“It's been a while since fans have gotten an update from me, so I'm here for a short announcement.” The musician-model smiles once more, her eyes somewhat filled with guilt for ghosting her fans for months on end.

“Though! Of course, we'll make it a little fun!” a bowl filled with little folded papers suddenly comes out and is set beside the singer.

Luminara giggles, placing a hand on her chest. “Nakakakaba naman ‘to!” she whines, “aware naman ako na active talaga ang fans or supporters ko sa X, formerly known as Twitter. That is why the staff lurked through the depths of so many unhinged tweets and have selected questions for me to answer in this video.”

“Celia uwi ka naaaaaa. Miss na kita baby, hindi ko na kaya. where ka pls pls pls muning come come.”

“Aba, ginawa pa talaga akong pusa. I went home in South Korea, meeting the family there. Spending some time alone. Since I mostly work here in the Philippines, I get more peace and feel like I am taking a step off of work if I'm there.” Luminara smiles and shrugs at the question before setting the paper in an empty bowl.

“Celia aware ka ba na may second lead syndrome ka sa Twitter aus niyong apat?”

A sigh first escapes as she finishes the question, seeming done about the topic. “Alam niyo—! May tampo ako about this!” The singer whines, aggressively pointing at the paper in her hold.

“Usually second lead ako for Clem, but also kay…” She pauses, smirking. “‘kay kuyang naka-cap. Which leads me sa tampo ko. Guys, I'm lesbian. Alam ‘kong fictional works niyo, but I cane out publicly para you guys can at least use this detail as default. Next time, try niyo rin red flag ako guys. I challenge you guys, I'll be reading.”

“WHEN NA NEXT MUSIC SISSS??? MAMATAY NA KAMI!!!”

“Si OA naman ito.” the singer mutters teasingly, turning to the camera. “The music has been in the vaults for a really long while now. I think I can’t really release it because releasing songs for me means promotions right after, and I think ayun ‘yung iniiwasan ko for now.” she pouted, unsure of her answer for such a professional question.

“I’m really sorry for the delay, guys. I hope everyone understands. I just want to deliver the songs once we promote them, with the right mindset. We have some contents in store for you, though! There’s really another reason why I was in South Korea for a little.” She sends a wink towards the camera and giggles a second later. Letting out a squeal for being embarrassed by the act of affection.

“If si Seongmin may sariling kumpanya for actors and songers, edi kasama na agad si Celia??? MAY MAGAHAHANDLE NA NG SCHEDULES NIYA FOR HER???”

"Okay, don’t insult Suyeon like that! She’s recently been my manager, assigned by my Mom. She’s been doing so well, kaya! Threaten the camera, Soo.” The camera pans suddenly to the staff area, focusing on Suyeon, Luminara’s manager, who’s obviously shocked at the sudden exposure.

“ABA! Dinamay mo pa talaga ako!” the manager complained, glaring at the camera before the lenses pan back to the singer. Who was giggling happily at what she had done.

“Kanina ka pa side comment ng side comment, ‘wag ako!” she giggles, looking away from the camera to cool down before focusing back on the question. “Second, yes. We have extra help now! As everyone probably read, ARVUM has been a long plan by my brother. We talked for years, that’s why I’ve been an individual artist for a long while. This does not promise anything, we are all hoping that I can offer more in the future.”

A few more questions were answered by the singer until it was time to close things up. Luminara pouts at the screen and nods. “It was a nice little catch-up, guys. Look forward to everything, and I hope I can see everyone again soon! Bye…”

[noxiousgrace]

YES YOU'RE SO RIGHT

You have no idea how many times I've imagined krs to that song 😭

I THINK IT'S FAIR TO ALSO SHARE HOW I CONNECT KRS TO THIS SONG HEHEHEHE(I'm sobbing on the inside)

SPOILERS AHEAD

---

"Watch that old fire as it flickers and dies,

That once blessed the household and lit up our lives.

It shone for the friends and the clinking of glasses.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes"

This verse reminds me of the cataclysm in Korea and the 20 year old war in krs' and og!cales world respectively. (We still don't have a name for that planet 😭 it's literally nameless 1)

But it can also be correlated to kim rok soos curse, any warmth in his life has been put out by tragedy after tragedy.

Og!cale was also unfortunate enough to be the last one standing. The survivors guilt with these two goes absolutely insane 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

----

"Capture the wild things and bring them in line

And own what was never your right to confine.

The lives and the loves and the songs are what matters.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes."

I feel like the first 2 lines here could be words meant for the white star, and his holy fucking crusade into ruining the entire world .

And the 3rd line is krs AND cale stating their beliefs. Krs always insists on the fact that staying alive is best and og!cale values the love he has for his family, both of them would do anything for life and love respectively. (Honestly krs would go far for love too, but he hasn't been able to hold onto it long enough, to be confident that he could put everything on the line for it. Until he transmigrated of course, now he has hope that he can hang onto it so it's more on the forefront)

----

"Do you feel heavy? Your eyes drop with grief.

Your spirit is wild and your suffering is brief.

So never you buckle and bend to the masses.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes"

To be honest, I've always connected this verse to raon. Especially how KRS perceives him, going back to the time he first saved raon: The dragon had been tortured for 4 years, and ready to kill himself in order to escape just a few days after krs saved him. contrary to how he (krs) gave up when he was being abused, the little dragon still had fire in his eyes, which was a relief to krs. (Sobbing, every time we get snippets of his previous life i die inside, i love this poor bastard so much)

The third line could corrolate to krs!cale nurturing every child that he adopts. He taught raon to be a DRAGON, he helped lock become the WOLF KING, etc. etc.

And the last line is his continued self sacrifice (when you said it fits that this line is after every verse, YOU WERE SO FUCKING RIGHT 😭)

---

"Get round the fire with a glass of strong ale

And tell us a story from beyond the pale.

Bury some seeds and expect some strong branches.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes"

Okay so i had to look up what beyond the pale means, and it basically means something unacceptable.

The first two could be cale and krs bottling up their trauma. Krs didn't open up until he met lsh and cjs,(i think? Because choi jung soo knew that krs lost everything when his memories were being transferred to choi han) and they probably had to literally sit around a fire since korea was pretty much flattened to the ground, except for a few safe zones,after the cataclysm

As for og!cale, he could've sat with the rest of the soldiers before the battle. He opened up to krs as well which i thought was nice (even if it was partially out of necessity)

The third line is cale picking up munchkins on the way to his slacker life LMAO he's gonna have an empire before he gets to rest istg 😭

-----

"Now show me a man that can meet all his needs,

For what we need most now is unity's seed:

A common old song for all creeds and all classes.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes."

I feel like this verse fits a lot more if you look at it in a different light, i interpret the first line as a rhetorical question, "show me a man that can meet all his needs, go on, you can't" because nobody can fully sustain themselves without the other

And this makes the line apply to everyone in tcf that much more, nobody we've seen so far has been able to survive and accomplish things all on their own. Even in a collapsed society, which krs had to live in for 16 years, everyone was still grasping at the people around them to ensure their survival. While krs is independent, he would've truly burned himself to ashes if he didn't have anybody who even slightly cared about him along the way. His emotional independence is such a facade, he's so weak to affection it hurts me 😭😭😭 he's been deprived of so much, i wanna cry

The second and third line also corrolate to the collapsing worlds krs and og!cale had to live in. Unity was desperately needed against the monsters in korea, and the white star.

Survival is the common old song the third line is talking about, if TCF is the context we're seeing it in 😭

And again, the last line of the verse, their self sacrifice continues

---

"I'll tend to the flame..."

Krs and cale both maintaining their determination for a better future

-----

"What will we do when the world it is ending,

And time it is halted for friend and for foe?

Try to hold on to the time as it passes.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes.

I'll tend to the flame; you can worship the ashes."

I don't have a very deep analasys for this verse specifically, but both krs and cale have tasted the end of the world. Unlike cale, krs has another chance to save everything from ruin. (But, in all fairness, he never had a chance to save korea.)

Them trying to hold on to the time as it passes can be interpreted as them doing their absolute best to preserve the different parts of their lives that keep them sane 😭

Aaand the self sacrifice continues with the last lines.

----

That was my analasys of the connection between ashes and TCF, thank you for coming 🤝🤍

Kim rok soo is so Hozier - it will come back

Kim rok soo is so Hozier - through me (the flood)

Kim rok soo is so Hozier - nobodys soldier

Kim rok soo is so Hozier - All Things End

Kim rok soo is so The longest Johns - Ashes

Kim rok soo is so Frank sinatra - My way

Kim rok soo is so Ado - readymade (english cover by trickle)

Kim rok soo is so Radiohead - just

Kim rok soo is so Depeche mode - Enjoy the silence

Guys i think about Kim rok soo often

Idk if you can tell

[theshadowrealmitself]

Hello! I just wanted to tell you that your posts about aliens always make my day when I read them and I wanted to thank you for that :>

-🐰💖

Thank you, this really means a lot to me!!!

[sugrbugz]

𝙰𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 ~ 𝙺𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚘 𝚃𝚎𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚞 ♥︎

a business man kuroo x femboy!male reader concept!

TYSM FOR 100 FOLLOWERS <3

ok females calm down i know everyone’s horny for kuroo, which is why i’ll be posting a female version of this too! i’m just a male who is indeed horny for kuroo soooo….i see u men

CW: heavy degradation..like HEAVY, oral, anal, pet play, bdsm, a little bit of somno (literally just touches your ass while ur sleeping that’s it), face fucking, dycraphilia, lotsa swearing hehe, hate fucking essentially.

was it his fault? not entirely. kuroo had been at the end of his rope before he even walked in the front door. having to deal with corporate executives who thought they were actually useful all day was a chore in itself.

kuroo loved his job, loved his company, loved the money even, but most importantly he loved you. he loved everything about you. he loved how you’d come running down the large staircase when he came home, ready to receive a plethora of hugs and kisses from you. you were the only part of today he was looking forward to.

so when he came home to an empty house, not one with the sounds of your music or your feet rushing down the hall to greet him. he was honestly disappointed. “baby?” he called out loud enough, looking around the main floor a bit before going upstairs. now the sight before him made his heart squeeze, you curled up in the blankets of the bed with your head buried into his pillow? he wanted to cry.

that’s when he noticed it, your clothes. kuroo is as bisexual as it gets, he’s quite literally the poster child. however, in your mlm relationship it was very apparent the type of boys he was into, femboys. with a slight gulp he pulled the blanket back just a bit, careful not to wake you. the large pink night shirt that cling to your body with the literal pair of panties nearly made him pass out.

“even when you’re sleeping you aim to please me..” he mumbled running his fingers down your back before cupping your ass cheek with one hand. no movement from you yet. you two had talks about kinks before, it wasn’t uncharted territory and sure enough he remembered what he was doing right now was okay, you’d given him consent multiple times to do it but even then he still wanted fresh consent. maybe you fell asleep because you weren’t feeling good or were having a bad day and needed to sleep it off.

he lightly shook you, “hun..” he whispered leaning down to kiss your cheek softly. smiling when you whined softly. “you okay babe..? anything wrong?” he asked softly. you opened one eye, making him smile wide. “mhm…’m okay” you mumbled sitting up slightly, your shirt falling off your shoulder slightly. “that’s good..now…i have a favour to ask, kitten”

after the petname you knew what that favour was going to be. “anything for you.” you smiled softly, shifting your position so you were sitting on your knees in front of him. you knew what came next and so did he.

“sucha good boy” he praised softly, hands finding the collar around your throat. “you didn’t take it off since last night? that’s cute..maybe i’ll get you something similar that you can wear in public?” he hummed.

you knew better than to speak unless he was genuinely asking you a question but you still gave him a gently nod to show your interest.

“what a good pet…to be completely honest with you, i’ve had a terrible fucking day. you know how i get when i’m not having a good day don’t you angel?” he asked, a hint of cockiness to his tone.

“i’ll be back. by the time i am you know what i expect to see.” with that he kissed your forehead and left the room. you didn’t want to test him today, sometimes you’d be a brat but today was not that day.

you quickly stripped down, clothes folded neatly placed on the side table so they were accessible for aftercare. your hands found your lap, pressing your hands in between your legs to hide the inevitable boned that came with him using you like he wanted to. surely he wouldn’t know if you gave yourself a little attention right? it was just so hard to stop yourself..it would feel too good.

snaking one hand down you grab onto your own length, gently stroking it. you shiver a bit at the feeling, both your cold hand and the sexiness of know that if you’re caught kuroo would make your life a living hell for a couple of hours, was thrilling.

when you and kuroo started getting into bdsm he put rules in place, ones that you needed to follow in the bed and even in regular life. one of the big ones? always ask your master permission to play. it was almost like you could hear him saying it back in your head, the guilt was starting to set in but it was just too late. right as you went to stop your movements, the door opened again, leaving you and kuroo in a very long intense gaze.

“well..what do we have here love? is my good boy breaking the rules?” he simply walked over, tossing the lube among other things he brought to the side chair near the bed. “n-no i didn’t do anything!” you whined in protest.

kuroo slowly leaned down, hand gently cupping your face, “i don’t fucking believe you.” he whispered before bringing the hand on your cheek back a bit to give it a smack then quickly taking the stinging skin back in his hand. “one thing i hate more than a whore who doesn’t fucking listen is a liar.” he spits.

he could quite literally get off on the shocked expression on your face currently, “now let’s try this again. did you break a rule?” he asked, eyes literally begging you to try and lie again. “yes master..” you sighed in defeat, you knew the punishment would be bad.

“do you know what happens to naughty boys that don’t listen and lie? do you kitten?” he let go of your face now, walking over to some of the things he brought up to the room. “they get punished” you replied quickly, not wanting to give him any other reason to punish you harder. “they do…you’re so smart baby..” he came back over, shoving you flat down on your back before using a flogger over your pretty pink tip.

“if only you weren’t a needy dumb slut.” he laughed striking again. you were left there to just wiggle and take it, whines and gasps leaving your mouth like a gospel. “i just wanted to come home and have a good time with my pretty kitty..and of course your stupid cock had to ruin it.” he sighed, peering down at you slightly just to see if you were still okay but judging by your face you loved it.

“i can’t wait any fucking more. get on your hands and knees, and you better arch that fucking back” he grumbled leaning over to grab the lube. this is how you knew kuroo was stressed or upset. even if he was punishing you he always took his time giving you what you wanted but now it was straight to the point.

“god look at that beautiful ass..too bad it’s attached to a cumdump like you, it’s going to be fucking tortured today i promise you that much boy.” he hissed giving it a rough slap. you flinch forward from the sting, a loud whine leaving your mouth. that only makes him do it again, harder this time. so hard it’s already formed a raised little imprint of his hand.

with every smack you jolt forward causing your cock to rut against the blankets, there was just so many sensations at once that you couldn’t help it when you came untouched, load seeping out onto the bed.

you’re fucked.

“did you just fucking cum?” he laughs loudly, one more extremely hard slap coming down, basking in the way you scream and whine about being sensitive. “you’re fucking pathetic. is that all you need? the bare fucking minimum?” he cussed at you. “you better fucking apologize” he grunts out.

“i-i’m so sorry! ‘m sorry master i-i didn’t mean too! it just feels soo good!” you practically sobbed, babbling like an idiot about how much you love him and that you’ll do better. he loved breaking you like this but he knew it was also emotionally taxing. “what do i always tell you baby?” his voice was a bit softer now, wiping a stray tear that did slip from your eye.

“t-this is just for fun..you don’t mean anything you say” you sniffled looking up at him with those cute little eyes of yours. “that’s right. good boy” he praised, “colour??” he asked immediately after. “green” you smile giving him a little thumbs up.

with your confirmation kuroo quickly grabbed you by the small amount of hair you had, pressing your face against the tent in his pants. “good..then it’s only fair i get to cum too yeah?” he smirked, stroking your hair gently.

“yes sir you do..i promise i’ll do good for you!” you ramble quickly, tiny hands working on his dress pants buttons. he watched you with hooded lids, just admiring how quickly you were trying to please him. “maybe your punishment will end if you’re good enough, but remember kitty it won’t be easy” he smirked knowing exactly what he was going to do.

you didn’t reply, just gave him a tiny nod. if you had to work for it then you would. you pull his cock out of his pants, kitten licking at the top a few times before licking a long strip from his balls all the way back up to the tip. to say you had a oral fixation, especially when it came to kuroos cock, was an understatement.

“that’s it…g-good boy-fuck” he praised, hands roughly gripping at your hair. holding you in place when you tried to take most of his length into your mouth, what didn’t fit your hands fumbled with. however kuroo was determined to make it fit.

kuroo roughly pulled your head down onto him, basking in the sound of you choking and gagging on his cock, “awh what’s the matter? bit off more than you can chew??” he smirked fucking your face with aggression, hips snapping up flush against your cheeks.

the tears that rolled down your cheeks made him unbelievably horny that he couldn’t stop himself, grunts and moans leaving him mouth while he used yours as a person fuck toy. you knew he was close when his perfect rhythm faltered a little and his grip on you was even tighter. to show him just how bad you wanted it, your hands found his balls, rolling and playing with them.

“goddd~you want this l-load so bad huh? hm? nggh! fuckk! you want it? yeah? fucking taking it stupid slut.” he sounded so unbelievably hot you can’t even help the bit of precum now leaking from your sensitive tip. soon after his statements you felt a warm sensation flooding down your throat, almost choking and coughing slightly since there was so much.

kuroo was still letting out loud moans of exctasy, ending with a soft hum he pulled his cock out of your mouth. the second you were freed you let out a gasp for air and a little bit of a cough but kuroo didn’t care. he grabbed your chin, opening your mouth with his other hand to make sure not even a drop of his cum went to waste. “good kitty..you took my cock so well…maybe you do need a reward?” he hummed, laughing deeply when you nodded quickly.

“face down ass up pretty boy.” he stated, having no problem jerking his still sensitive cock back up into a full erection. you did exactly as he asked before feeling a cold piece of metal against your back, you knew it well. the lead that attached to your collar. after it was clicked into place there were a few kisses up your back before you heard his raspy breath in your ear, “if you cum again without my permission this ass is going to be so fucking bruised and sore you won’t be sitting for months.” he whispered softly before biting the tip of your ear.

your breath caught in your throat but you nodded quickly, “yes sir..i’ll be so good i just really need to feel you..” you whine out, having to force your hips not to rut against the bed. “it’s cute when you’re so unbelievably pathetic for me” he smirked before gently rubbing the tip of his cock against your hole. “you’re clenching around nothing..so pretty..”

you choked out a tiny sob from just how needy you were, he always did this. he liked to break you down before even touching you, you loved it. “a stupid whore” he laughed loudly before giving you another harsh smack. with that he lubed his cock up, groaning a bit from how it felt.

with that he pushed inside, moaning when he bottomed out. he had this plan where he was going to make you cockwarm him for a bit just to tease you but the second he thought about all the stupid shit he had to deal with today? his hips snapped up and aggressively into you making you scream out but he wasn’t listening.

he was stuck in his own head, mentally cussing out everyone he worked with as he fucked all his anger out into his pretty kitty. “a-ah! da-mm! daaddyy!” you whine out nearly snapping him back to reality fully. “what? can’t handle it? is it too much for you?” he spat quickly, his pace not letting up. “everyone’s-nn-fuckin’ disappointing me today! i’m not taking it from you kitten.” he seethed, basking in the sound the bed made as it smacked off the wall.

“daddy! fuckk! ‘s soo goodd” he listened to the way you moaned out, his cock twitching so hard inside you that you could feel it. “yeah? you like it when i fuck your stupid boy pussy” he grinned knowing the way that made your heart skip a beat. “come on then, prove it. show me how much you love this fucking cock, stupid bitch” he smirked smacking your seriously irritated ass cheeks.

that sparked something inside of you, your hips throwing themselves back onto his cock. your moans so loud for him it sounded like screams. “p-please!” you managed to scream out between the loud babbling that left your mouth. “please what kitty?” he grunted, doing his best to focus on you and the squeezing your ass that was practically trying to milk him.

“plea-hhng! please c-cum daddy please!” you screamed, thank fuck he didn’t have neighbours. he smirked and shoved you down so your head was pressed again the mattress, holding your head there he let out a loud fucking moan before completely stilling. you could feel it shooting out in ropes, it felt so good that you came instantly and once again untouched.

“hmm that was cute~” he hummed almost immediately back to his normal self. “colour my love?” he asked gently rubbing your back, wondering if there was possibility to go again. “red” you murmur making him nod before slowly slipping out of you. “are you hurt? was it too much?” he pouted softly, gently rolling you onto your back to keep eye contact with you.

when you couldn’t reply he gently scooped you up and carried you into the bathroom, “it’s okay baby..kuroos got ya’”