#and rick is like so stressed about it he starts to control the only thing he can: his daughter

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

God it'd be cool if there was this dude who had a fridged wife arc except his wife was abusive and his whole deal is trying to accept that

[xxscarletxrosexx]

Kiss Distance: When Feelings Can't Reach | Linguistic Analyses on Rick & Rachel's lines foreshadow for TwiYor, DamiAnya, and Marthanderson from Ch. 105.5 (PART 1)

This is gonna be a take from the linguistic + literary lens regarding Rick and Rachel's lines from Spy x Family's Ch. 105.5.

Spoilers beware.

So let's talk about the film: Kiss Distance.

On X/Twitter, all I said was my analysis senses were tingling. There was a strong linguistic and creative writing/literary devices indicating foreshadow from the movie, and this just surprisingly got attention.

So now, I'm finally addressing this specific section in a long analysis post.

I cannot stress how much I love Endo-san's short chapters. There are so many things going on in terms of literary devices, and now, I think he plays with linguistics in them. I believe that the last time he did this was during Ch. 90.1 when we learned that Ania's name turned into Anya. I remember freaking the hell out that linguistics was touched upon, cuz honestly, what manga does that? Someone is finally paying attention to linguistics in a story, and it's just further pulling me into my rabbit-hole fixation and obsession with Spy x Family.

Although the chapter is only 5 pages long, it has SO MANY THINGS TO COVER. I won't be able to do that in this post, but I DID cover the entire thing in a video analysis that you can watch here:

What I will mainly cover in this post will be the film: Kissing Distance and the characters (Yor, Anya, Becky, and Martha) watching it + post-watching it. I cannot stress the ridiculous efforts embedded in just 3 pages, so I need to divide these sections into a linguistic lens (part 1) and a literary lens (part 2).

Let's start with the linguistic lens.

Spelling reflects language association + cultural history + maybe it's a meme too.

Spelling reflects language association

At the top right corner of page 2, we've got some English texts on the movie's billboard. "Interesting" and "Entertaining" are stacked on the left while "Movie" and "Theater" are stacked on the right.

Of these words, the word that stands out the most to me is Theater. English experts recognize that there are 2 spellings of this word: theater and theatre. These spelling tell you that it is either American (theater) or British (theatre).

I'm no expert on geography, but I believed that Ostania and Westalis were loosely based in Europe. I think I read someone talk about the architecture in Berlint also reflected European style houses--I'm so sorry that I can't recall who addressed it. The wars also felt like they were influenced by WWI and WWII. But what I do know is English it's my goddamn expertise. I'm not gonna be an uptight ass about pointing out every nook and cranny of inconsistent English, because that's just a whole lot of work for a creator and his team can do, realistically speaking. If Endo-san wanted perfect control in the language he's portraying in SxF, then he would need a dedicated team of linguists to help with translations. It may surprise you but there are many variations of a language (ex: English has AAVE. It's still English but used by this group of speakers--more on this later). But this is a hell hole of work, so I'm giving him so much slack on it as well as the translators handling the translations (like, really. No hate. Thank you for your services <3).

Another caveat: the English translation may also be a reflection of the translators. Maybe they favor American English than British English--who really knows? But I digress.

I'll stick to what I already know of the Ostanian language: It's English (variety is unspecificed, feels American) + Japanese.

Spelling shows cultural history

Next, let's address that these are adjectives slapped on a movie billboard. Normally, American movie theaters do not post adjectives. They post about the movie, the actors, etc. Comments about movies theaters being "family friendly" are subtext under the current film, etc. Here's an example of a movie theater from the 1950s found on gettyimages:

So this brings me to consider that English is being used as kazari eigo which means 'decorative English' in Japanese. In Chris Broad's (AbroadinJapan) words:

"... English in Japan is most commonly used as a form of cheap decorations and prestige, or value to a product and because so few people here understand it, the companies that plaster English all over their products and items rarely bother to check that it makes any sense." Reference:

Maybe it's a meme

This chapter, overall, felt really silly. There were silly drawings, silly play on words, silly foreshadows, etc. I couldn't help but think that maybe Endo-san was throwing in something amusing in these small things (cuz he's got attention to detail). Is it:

Interesting Entertaining Movie Theater OR Interesting Movie Entertaining Theater

It reminds me of:

Endo-san does have a tendency to incorporate memes into his manga/anime. Like... was Anya's jump not a Jojo's meme...? //sweats

I don't know if I'm severely poisoned by JJBA memes but, yeah, I saw it since the day this chapter came out. I just thought:

ANYA = DIO BRANDO

Anyway... whether it was intentional or unintentional (for this section), I love when mangakas incorporate something meme-y

2. Ricky's English Variety

This is where I went berzerk in this chapter with all of these small linguistic details. Ricky's speech says so much about him.

His introduction of himself is that he's a broken razor. Essentially, he's painting the bad-boy ML image. But he's not just any bad boy. He's a bad boy with issues controlling himself/the situation. In other words he's toxic and not good for us healing men/women //joking. However, out of all of these words, the one that stands out to me is shaddup. His speech suddenly changed because romance conflicts need to have a wall between the main couple. In this case, other than Ricky's pompadour, it's his speech. What we have here is a clash between English varieties.

To understand what is variety in linguistics, you might be familiar with these words: language, dialect, vernacular, and accent. Language is the most obvious, but dialect, vernacular, and accent can be a lil confusing to distinguish. So here's a definition and a chart I made to help distinguish them:

- Language: a system of communication that uses words, grammar, and spelling to convey meaning, languages can be spoken, written, or signed-- Ex: English, Spanish, Arabic, etc. - Dialect: is a variation of a language that is spoken by a specific group of people, such as a community, culture, or region. It includes differences in vocabulary, grammar, and how the language is used -- Ex: American English vs. British English vs. Australian English - Vernacular: is a type of dialect that's used by the "common people" of a region. It's a non-standard dialect that's spoken rather than written. Vernacular language is often made up of slang or regional terms -- Ex: African American Vernacular English (AAVE) - Accent: is the way people in a specific group pronounce words, which is also know as the prosody of speech. Prosody refers to the tone and musicality of someone's speech -- Ex: Boston accent

In Summary (a simplified version of the above info): Language is the standard language (aka what you learn in grammar class and in public speaking class) Dialect is born from language where it becomes variations of the language and adopts different grammar, vocabulary, and language use (like American English vs. British English vs. Australian English) Vernacular is a type of dialect used by "common people" and often include slang words and regional terms (think African American Vernacular English, or AAVE) Accent is a type of dialect that is mainly focused on prosody, or how a person pronounces a word (think Boston accent)

Now that you understand the linguistic terminologies, here's a fun exercise to show you what I see:

Ricky predominantly uses the standard English language in the film:

The moment a language's word has a (legitimate) spelling change, it automatically turns into a dialect (which touches on my previous topic about theater vs. theatre).

These are Ricky's English accents:

Finally, this is Ricky using an English vernacular:

POP QUIZ!

Now that you know what English variety is, can you guess which one Ricky has? If you guessed dialect, then you're half a step there. If you guessed accent, you're so close! But the correct answer is vernacular. This is because accent overlaps with vernacular, but accent stops at word pronunciations. Vernacular has accent and slang.

3. Discourse Analysis on Ricky's Vernacular

You should now have a good understanding of Ricky's vernacular, but now let's talk about why this is significant in discourse analysis.

Linguists who specialize in discourse analysis are responsible for analyzing why and how people speak a certain way. Many linguistic features are observed (lexicons, syntax, phonology, semantics, etc.) but what they share in common is who it's presented to. They're looking at the relationship between interlocutors (people who take part in the dialogue/conversation). In other words, depending on who you converse with, the way you speak is affected.

You may have already realized that Ricky is code-switching (a speaker switches between one or more languages and/or varieties) between standard English and his English vernacular.

Now, pay attention to who Ricky speaks to and when he code-switches.

We can observe in the above panel that Ricky uses standard English when speaking to Rachel. This is because Ricky has linguistically profiled her.

How am I so sure that he's linguistically profiled her? Well, because the majority of human beings unconsciously linguistically profile their appearances. Linguistic profiling does have a similar general word: stereotype. The only difference is that based on appearance, we make a split-second assumption and decision on how we talk to that person.

In this case, Ricky spoke first (exercising dominance through initiation) and used standard English. From a linguistic lens, Ricky is telling me: hey, I know I look like a bad boy, and you may have linguistically profiled me as someone who didn't have good education, which would have reflected in my speech, but I'm more than competent to use standard English. And because I can use standard English, I'm on the same equal playing field (metaphorically and linguistically speaking) as Rachel.

But then, notice the moment, Rachel tells him that she hates Ruffians like [him], Ricky's replies with an accent of shuddap (shut up). Linguistically, he's drawing a line between them. This also indicates that they're no longer on the same side before adding his threat: "I'll cut you!"

In this scene, notice Ricky's accent comes back again, but who is it directed to? An enemy or someone from his linguistic background. He uses this accent with an interlocutor of the same English variety background to make it clear to the person he's beaten up that he's speaking in the "language" that they both completely understand.

But, the moment Ricky speaks to Rachel, he reverts back to standard English. What this means is that Ricky is linguistically assimilating/aligning himself with Rachel to show that he's on her side. This can also mean that he's making himself appealing to her through discourse. On the other hand, Rachel makes herself appealing through physical means (her taste in clothing has changed--more on this under literary analysis).

In this scene, Ricky changes appearance (more on this under literary analysis) and he speaks using standard English. But the moment he loses his pompadour, guess what happens?

Ricky goes back to his true self and shows it through using English vernacular.

Rachel has never changed in her English, so she's always been true to herself. It's Ricky who goes through these changes. And it becomes a beautiful and romantic moment of a man undergoing change not only visually but linguistically.

4. Language parallel/mirroring between the anime and the manga

The fact that Endo-san decided to give Ricky an English vernacular in the English translation of the manga reflects his attention to details between the manga and the anime adaptation.

Linguistics in Anime (what you hear)

Maybe you've noticed, maybe you haven't, but Takuya Eguchi, Loid's voice actor, ingeniously incorporated different prosodic features when assuming roles for [redacted], Loid Forger, Twilight, and Robert. Catte-b covers this in her Leitmotifs in the Spy x Family soundtrack. Piracytheorist also provided a video demonstrating Loid, [Redacted], and Twilight's voices. In both posts, Eguchi's changing voice is called timbre (Catte-B and Piracytheorist have a music background). Timbre is defined as:

In other words, timbre is an individual's voice quality or vocal signature. It's how listeners can recognize a singer regardless of what song they sing and how anime watchers can identify a VA's voice by the character's name in another anime--there's just a certain quality in a person's voice that makes them identifiable.

Because of this definition, timbre is unfortunately not the correct terminology. Using vocal/voice timbre when describing vocal register, at the end of the day, is just pitch. Catte-B and Piracytheorist, however, are not wrong in their analyses. They have correctly identified one of the characteristics of speech and even provided vocal qualties (sharp, flat, soft, etc.) but the more appropriate term should be prosodic features.

I want to highlight the most important thing about prosodic features and it's the features that make it up: intonation, stress, rhythm, pitch, and pauses.

Intonation: is the variation of pitch across a phrase or sentence. > in a way, it's creating a melody when speaking. > its purpose in spoken language is to convey meaning. This is usually the case in tonal languages that require a specific pitch to indicate a word. However, in English, intonation is present when we ask a question (the last few words tend to be higher-pitched) vs. a statement which is either consistent in pitch or can sometimes be lower-pitched. Stress: involves giving prominence to one or more syllables in a word. This is achieved through increasing the length, volume, or pitch of a syllable, or by changing the vowel quality. > stress is important for helping listeners understand meaning / word class and distinguish words during rapid speech (ex: address, graduate, permit etc.) > it can be used to emphasize a specific word of a sentence (ex: Where did you go last night? vs. Where did you go last night? vs. Where did you go last night?) Rhythm: refers to the sense of movement and flow of speech. It's a combination of stress, length, and number of syllables. > mostly concerned with syllables and larger parts of speech rather than phonetic segments like consonants or vowels > important for making speech sound flow well and helps us understand what's being said > 2 most common types of rhythm in language are stress-timed and syllable-timed (English typically uses a stress-timed rhythm) Pitch: indicates highness or lowness of sound. > A person's pitch can reflect friendliness and warmth from the upper register (higher pitch spectrum) to mysterious and sexy with the lower register (lower pitch spectrum)--or at least, this is a consensus opinion that I've heard in English-speaking communities when it comes to the opinion of an individual's vocal pitch for both men and women. Pauses: a break in speaking or a moment of silence that can help add structure to the speech. Pauses have several functions: > gives listeners time to comprehend and digest the information > can be used to emphasize words or ideas > helps speakers transition between ideas > prevent rambling > can signal speech breaks, especially in languages that utilize pausing as a prominent cue > can denote high-information content

There are more prosodic features listed like juncture, loudness, duration, and tempo, but this is where it'll get too specific. Rhythm kinda already accounts for duration and tempo. Juncture is relating to annotating pauses (like indicate when a pause is greater than a certain milisecond), and loudness could kinda fall under the category of rhythm.

Timbre isn't listed as a feature, but I think it should simply because timbre is what makes your voice your voice. And because timbre is the "vocal signature", the shouldn't change--not unless you're as vocally talented as Tara Strong, who can easily change her timbre with different characters.

Eguchi-san does, however, have some roles where his timbre does change, specifically as Shuuji Hanma from Tokyo Revengers and Kazuya Kujou from Gosick (he does have some moments when he slips back to his familiar timbre).

Now that you have an understanding of what prosodic features are, you'll be able to hear that Eguchi-san's timbre doesn't change as [redacted], Twilight, Loid, or Robert. I believe Eguchi-san intentionally kept the same timbre for [redacted], Twilight, Loid, and Robert because they're all staying close to home. You can still recognize it's still the same person. But what changes are other prosodic features (intonation, pitch, rhythm, stress, and pauses). The following video is from Piracytheorist's post and the YouTube video is from Calle-B.

Here are my descriptions of the 4 voices:

[Redacted] - Intonation: N/A. Japanese is not a tonal language. - Stress: vowels and consonants are even for syllables - Rhythm: slow and steady - Pitch: low register, feels like it can be the middle (makes sense since this is the voice he's born with) - Pauses: frequent pauses (also, no way in hell you can convince me to measure the mili-second of his pause) - Tone: warm and soft - Other quality(-ies): reminds me of slight head-mix dominant (60% - 70%). In singing, a mixed voice is when a singer mixes his/her/their head voice and chest voice together (you might commonly know this as belting). But with mix voices, the singer can choose to make it an even mix of both head and chest, or leaning to either more head or more chest. Twilight - Intonation: N/A. Japanese is not a tonal language - Stress: consonants, vowels, syllables, and long phrases are rushed - Rhythm: his speed is fast. it's like water gushing out - Pitch: low(est) register. This is probably the deepest voice he can go while maintaining his timbre - Pauses: They only exist when a completed thought is finished. Twilight, BREATHE, man - Tone: cold and sharp - Other quality(-ies): sometimes his low register have a bassy quality to it Loid Forger - Intonation: N/A - Stress: His consonants and vowels are spoken fast in some syllables but also have a slight elongation typically towards the last few words of a completed thought - Rhythm: fast like Twilights, but has an upbeat rhythm to it - Pitch: upper register (it's the customer service voice lol) - Pauses: It's a mix of Twilight and [Redacted]'s. He has moments where he pauses after a long completed thought. Sometimes, he pauses in between a few words/syllables. Pauses feel irregular here--like he doesn't know if he should relax of speed up (as if he's being pulled to either Twilight or [redacted]'s pause pacing) - Tone: sounds cheerful - Other quality(-ies): 80% head-mix voice. The chest voice is still there, but head voice stands out Robert - Intonation: N/A. Japanese is not a tonal language. - Stress: elongated vowels and consonants -- similar to [redacted]. - Rhythm: originally slow and drawl. But as soon as he realizes that "Robert's mission is over", he starts speaking fast like Twilight - Pitch: low register and soft - Pauses: He has similar pauses to [redacted]. There seems to be a lil bit of longer pauses to indicate passiveness (reinforce the boring image of Robert) - Tone: monotone and soft - Other quality(-ies): head voice. The chest voice seems to be absent (chest voice is perceived as the power in singing and speech) as to reflect Robert as someone who is small and doesn't have much personality (as to not stand out during this identity). This voice is achieved by keeping your voice low but above a whisper. When "Robert's mission is over", the chest voice emerges and his head voice becomes head-mix.

Prosodic features are best accurately portrayed in discourse, meaning it's exclusively for speaking, not writing. So, how can Endo-san incorporate any linguistic feature in writing? We've already answered that with the analyses above: spelling.

Linguistics in the manga (what you read)

I've already went into great detail about spelling reflecting dialect, so I won't regurgitate what I've already covered. Instead, I want to focus on the fact that Endo-san actually acknowledges and uses prosodic features to mirror the 2 mediums of Spy x Family. This is significant because it reinforces the mirroring characters between Ricky and Loid. After all, it's going to be a foreshadow. Normally, I'd talk more about foreshadow under a literary lens, but for once, foreshadow is illustrated through linguistics.

In discourse analysis, the way you speak almost always portrays your identity.

Ricky's English vernacular is his real speech. > [Redacted]'s voice is Loid/Twilight's real speech, which often came out in the presence of Yor Forger.

Ricky speaks in standard English to mask his real voice and make himself more appealing to Rachel. > Loid's voice is used to mask both Twilight and [redacted].

Ricky gives up his pompadour (the most important thing in his life--which also happens to be a part of his identity) to destroy the "barrier" between him and Rachel. In doing so, he goes back to speaking with his English vernacular. > FORESHADOW: Loid will give up one or two of his identities for Yor (it might be Twilight and/or Loid). In exchange, [redacted] will come back.

Another possible foreshadow is what Rachel says about recognizing the importance of Ricky's pompadour to him. Because Rachel is a parallel character to Yor Forger, it can be implied that Yor would recognize how important Loid's identity is to him. In a previous analysis, I mentioned that Ch. 90.1, is the closest thing to an identity reveal. When Yor carved out Anya's name as Ania, she never once questioned it. She also didn't question when she had to carve another sign and spelled it with Anya. I'm aware of the caveat in this claim, such as Yor lacking education in Ostanian orthography which is why she doesn't react.

Be it grasping at straws or not, Yor has the emotional maturity to bounce back from the shock of an identity reveal. Yes, Yor would be sad and hurt to find out that Twilight is a spy from the opposition, but she would understand. They know they're both orphans because of the war. Yor already has a positive bias towards Loid based on observing his behavior at home, in his efforts to provide a better future for Anya, regardless of blood relationship. The point is, Yor is already infatuated with him and her feelings for him will influence her compassion and understanding for the person he's become, so bouncing back from feeling betrayal (not the romantic kind) would be faster for her than Loid.

Loid, on the other hand, may have more reluctance towards accepting the identity reveal (this is also mentioned in my Ch. 90.1 analysis). This is mainly because he's been conditioned to be skeptical and overanalyzing. So, he'll definitely need time to brood and reflect on their situation. Or, maybe he just might have already reached a point where he's just tired, and deflatingly accepts the situation. He'll self-loathe himself for being Westalis's best spy only to have married a legendary Garden assassin--seeing both as a win and loss (he'd be the type to say that he should be dead right now because his identity was revealed to the deadliest enemy). The confession of their love for one another just might be the thing to smooth out the wrinkles.

Someone once commented that, technically, losing Twilight as an identity isn't technically a loss. Twilight was born from a sacrifice. Loid technically isn't a loss either since he was born as a role for Twilight to play. Which leaves [redacted]. Like the film for Ricky, [redacted]'s foreshadowed arrival is just an opportunity for him to come in full circle.

PHEW.

This was a long linguistic analysis of these few pages, and in real-time this took me 8 hours to write. I did lose a night of sleep cuz my brain hyper-fixated on writing this. Help. But we're not done yet. The knowledge that you've acquired will definitely be beneficial through a literary lens in part 2.

I'll update this post with a link when Part 2 is finished.

[deansapplepie]

Till THE DEAD do us part | Chapter 9

A/N: This story will take place in all the seasons, but it’s not exactly a rewriting cause I’d have to re-watch everything to use the exactly lines of the characters, also I think it’s better if I tell a side story without changing the main facts of the story.

This story has a Female Reader, but I don’t describe her appearance, so anyone can identify with her.

Chapter 8 Chapter 10

Masterlist

Chapter 9: I ain’t yer bitch, Grimes

Summary: The day starts with a horrifying secret coming to the knowledge of the group, dividing opinions about the matter. Stress is all around again, people say things they didn’t really mean. Everybody is suffering, but some matters have their conclusion. This is absolutely the worst synopsis I ever made, but also that was the hardest chapter for me.

Warnings: swearing, little angsty, nightmares, violence, death, discussions, Daryl is a meanie (but he’s suffering). Minors do not interact. (If you think there should be more warnings, let me know)

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Grimes!Reader (Rick’s Sister)

Word Count: 5,029

Extra notes: I proofread the text, but English is not my first language, so feel free to correct any mistakes, of course with love. I’m consulting a timeline of everything that happened, but it can happen that I put events out of order. In the series after the happenings of this Chapter we have a gap of 7 days, so I’ll use it to have the freedom to be more creative and create nice interactions of our loved characters.

You were walking in a large field, it was the end of the afternoon and a little cloudy, so the colors were not bright. Far away you saw a person, it looked like a kid, but you were not exactly sure you needed to get closer. Soon you weren’t walking anymore, you were running. When you got closer you could see better, it was a kid, a girl. She had short blond hair and was wearing a blue t-shirt. ‘Sophia’, you thought. That was the clothes she was when she got lost.

“Hey, Sophia. It’s me Y/N.” You called her going in her direction but she didn’t turn to you. “Sophia, we were so worried, we looked for you everywhere. Your mom is so worried. She’s gonna be so happy when she sees you.”

Again, no answer. When you got close enough to touch the little girl, you put your hand on her shoulder and called her. She turned to you, and you saw the most horrifying thing, she was pale white, veins evident on her skin, her eyes were the greenish that only the walkers had, and she jumped on you.

You woke up immediately sitting in the dark, you were sweating, your heart beating impossibly fast, it was even a little difficult to breath. When you sat up, Daryl woke up startled, he sat by your side touching your shoulders as delicately as he could. “Wha’ happened? Are ya okay?” He asked worriedly, by the way you woke up he was sure you were not ok.

“I had a nightmare. A terrible one.” You said, when you thought about talking about Sophia the tears came to your eyes, and you couldn’t help but cry. He was surprised he never saw you like that, well… except the day he encountered you in the woods, but in the middle of the night? Never… well, not that you had slept many times together, in fact this was the third time you slept in the same place.

“I’m ‘ere. Try to calm down and tell me. I need to know to help ya.” He pulled you to his chest hugging you from behind, as much as your sitting position allowed.

“Sophia…” You managed to say, all this days you were all worried about her, but you didn’t had any dream or nightmare about the girl, so why today? “I found her…” you sobbed. “She had turned Daryl, she died and…” More sobs take the control over you.

“Shush… com’ere.” He turned you around and laid down with you, your face hiding on his chest, he caressed your back and your hair. “It was just a nightmare, we’re gonna find her and she’s gonna be ok.”

He couldn’t be sure of it and you knew. He also knew it, but he wished to find the little girl more than anything. It’d give hope to the group, Carol would be happy and everything he went through would be worth it. He kissed the top of your head and continued giving you comfort till both of you fell asleep again.

The next day everyone was sat having breakfast together when Glenn came and dropped an atomic bomb on everyone, saying the old barn was full of walkers. When he gave the news, you almost choked on your breakfast, but you could see it was as if he had taken a burden off his shoulders. Damn, the kid was carrying a lot of secrets with him.

After this, it was all chaos. Everyone went to the barn, following Shane. Shane wanted you all to leave, but you couldn’t just leave without Sophia. He got mad at Daryl, because he insisted, he was close to find the girl. You all got to know that Hershel saw the walkers as sick people, how fucked up could this be? While you discussed the door of the barn started shaking with the walkers going against it. You decided to watch the barn just in case, Shane being the first one on duty.

You went back to the camp and saw Daryl, crossbow on his back, going to the stables. ‘Oh he’s not thinking about taking another horse, is he?’ You thought, but you knew he were, you followed him and also saw Carol coming in the same direction. You found him inside looking for a horse. “You can’t go out there in your state.”

“Well, just watch me sweetheart.” He said an acid tone in his voice.

“Daryl, you’re severely injured and it was caused by a horse. Let the others look for her.” You tried to bring reason to him.

“Listen, ya don’t get to boss me around, I ain’t yer bitch, Grimes.” Even when he was mad he had never called you by your last name, but when he made you upset you called him Dixon, so you could not exactly blame him.

“Alright, do whatever the fuck you wanna do.” You wanted to say that you were just worried, that he needed to have a good recovery because he was essential for the group, the group needed him. You needed him, but the words just got stuck in your throat.

You turned your back to him and left the place going back to the camp, you passed Carol on you way and knew she was also going to try to reason with him. Maybe he’d listen the mother of the child. You sat on the swing, Carl on your side and Luna on the ground chewing on a branch she found somewhere. You observed Daryl storming off the stables followed by Carol. It looked like she somehow convinced him, even though he didn’t look happy about it.

It all got you thinking about the terrible nightmare you had, you still wanted to have hope and the same faith Daryl had, but the odds were not really on the little girl’s side. “Aunt Y/N, do you think we’ll find Sophia?” Carl asked while you both sat on the swing.

“Yes, I’m sure we will…” You tried reassuring your nephew, well you really thought, but you weren’t sure how you’d find her, dead? Alive? A walker?

“I don’t want to leave and let her behind.”

“Me neither sweetie, me neither.” You took his little hand in yours and squeezed it.

After lunch you were all together at the house’s Porch when Shane arrived with all the guns, you took your gun back of course, you agreed that having the walkers so close, you needed to have protection. You put it back close to your knife on your waist. Shane was inciting everyone while he gave everybody guns, when you all saw Hershel, Rick and Jimmy bringing Walkers as if they were just doggies that they found in the woods.

“What the fuck?” You didn’t have time to hold your tongue, so everyone looked in that direction and if it could get worse, it would and it got.

Everything happened so fast at the moment, Shane ran down the hills you all followed behind him, Luna being faster than everybody an passing Shane. ‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It can get bad if she get close to one of those things.’ You tried to run faster even with your injured leg. When you got down there Rick was divided on telling Shane to stop and trying to command Luna to not get close to the walkers. You got her by the collar and brought her distant from them.

Then everything went fast, Shane shot the Walkers that Hershel and Rick were bringing to show the farmer that they were not alive and following he broke the lock of the barn door releasing the walkers that were inside. You got your gun and aimed it in the direction of them and started shooting with the others to contain the monsters to get to you. One hand holding Luna and the other firmly holding the gun. When you thought everything was over, you listened to a low moaning coming from the barn, getting closer and closer to all of you. And when it came to light… there she was. Sophia. She wasn’t Sophia anymore, she was a walker just like in your dream and you couldn’t dare shooting her… not the little girl you met on the road, the one that played with your nephew and was like a niece to you, not the so pure and innocent Sophia that had already suffered much in her life.

You put your gun back at your waist and turned your back, you didn’t want to see, you couldn’t dare to look anymore. You heard Carol’s cries and saw that Daryl embraced her so he wouldn’t get any closer. You got to Lori and Carl, and hugged them. It broke your heart, seeing Sophia turned just like in your nightmare, Carl crying for his friend, Carol suffering… You were relieved to have “found” Sophia, but you were also extremely sad.

You put the walkers bodies on the truck to burn them, but made graves for Sophia, Hershel’s wife and stepson. You reunited to make a funeral for them, Carol didn’t want to participate. You could understand her, but at the same time it pained you that her little girl was not going to have her mom on her funeral as it should have been. Maybe that wasn’t Sophia anymore, but it was before… and if you had found her dead instead of turned, wouldn’t you bury her too and say your goodbyes?

Everybody started to go their separate ways and back to their chores. You stayed there a little longer and then headed back to the camp. When you got there you saw Daryl disassembling all his camp that was in the extreme corner where all of you were camping. He was already kind of far from you, what was he doing? You approached him, a little afraid of his reaction.

“D., what are you doing?” You asked genuinely worried.

“Wha’ does it look like?” He grunted throwing things in his bag just to get away from there.

“Like you’re running away from us.” You kept your distance and let he continue to do whatever he was doing. “I know you’re upset, I’m too. All of us, actually. We need to stay together. I know it’s breaking you, you were truly involved on Sophia’s search…”

“Ya know nothin’ ‘bout me!” He retorted, throwing all his belongings on the ground.

“You’re hurting. If you need me, you know where to find me. I’ll be there for you in the same way you were there for me when I needed.” You left, you didn’t look back. There was nothing you could do for him to listen to you in the moment.

You went looking for the others and found them at the Greenes house. It was a little crowded, Beth was catatonic. Maggie said that one moment she was on the kitchen doing her activities and in the other she passed out and was on this state she was right now. Hershel was nowhere to be found and he was the only one that could help her.

Lori suggested you tried to do something to help, since you technically have the same knowledge as Hershel, but you wouldn’t dare. The old man was way more experienced than you with animals and people, you’d not risk. Rick and Glenn left to bring him back to take care of Beth.

You stayed all the afternoon helping Maggie and Patricia with the house and with Beth. When the night arrived you had dinner ready for everyone to eat. In that moment you learned that Lori was missing, you hadn’t even noticed. A car was missing too. Shane got up and went after Lori, everybody was worried. ‘This day can’t get worse’, you thought.

“Carl, eat. Your mom gonna want to know you ate everything when she’s back.” You told the boy that continued to eat contradicted.

“Why’s your boyfriend not here?” Maggie asked sitting by your side to eat.

“He wants to be left alone.” You deep breathed. “I guess this is how he copes with his frustration. what happened today was probably too much for him.”

“First time you don’t correct me when I call him your boyfriend.”

“And would it matter if I did? You’d still call him that.” You shoved a mouthful of vegetables in your mouth, you didn’t feel like eating, but you forced yourself to.

“Why aren’t you with him?” You truly liked Maggie, she was a good girl and you were pretty sure Glenn was in love with her, but you couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed with her questions. You didn’t want to remember that he was hurting and that he was alone, just because he couldn’t stop himself from pushing away from people.

“He doesn’t want me there, I’m not forcing anything. I left the door open, so when he needs me… if he needs me, he’ll come and find me.” You drank water to help the food down, the food was delicious but you really didn’t felt like eating. You just ate to survive. “I finished, gonna wash my plate and stay with Beth till you finish. Carl, don’t leave Andrea.”

You were still not good with Andrea, but you knew she would protect and take care of Carl properly. You went to the room and sat by Beth’s side. It was really a great shock to her… Shane wasn’t completely wrong about cleaning the barn, but the way he did… it was the problem. “I’m sorry Beth, I wish you didn’t need to go through that.”

In one hour or maybe two Shane got back with Lori. She was hurt and you wondered what could have possibly happened. She told all of you the story about going to look for Rick, Glenn and Hershel. She was insane, maybe? Did pregnancy do this to a woman? Like it would be of no use to one more person go looking for them, as Rick and Glenn were already looking for someone.

“Know what’s that Y/N?” Shane asked you, and you knew that probably you’d fight after a long time with no fights. “She asked your boyfriend to go look for them and he didn’t…”

“And he had no obligation of going! Rick went with Glenn to look for Hershel, that was enough. The only thing we needed to do was wait for them! Going look for them aren’t going to bring them faster to the farm.” You exploded, now even this he would like to blame someone? “The only fault of this is yours Lori, couldn’t you just wait them? It’s not like you have superpowers and would bring they back instantly. You just put yourself and the baby in danger!”

“Baby?” Many of the people around Lori and Shane said. Which baby?

Lori gave you an annoyed look.

“Sorry.” You said about revealing the baby, not what you said about making no sense going to look for Rick at this point.

Then the questions started, and Carl learned he was going to be a big bro. Carol and Dale took Lori to the RV to check on her. You approached Dale to ask him a favor, well not actually a favor, but it would be one for you.

“Dale, can I stay on watch tonight?” You asked the older man.

“Yes, of course. Who’s going to change with you?” He asked.

“No one, it’s better if everyone rest. Tomorrow I can sleep.” You told him and he saw in your eyes you were almost pleading him.

“It’s not right, you know? To be deprived of sleep.”

“I’m not. Tomorrow morning someone can take my place and I go to sleep. Please.” You asked again.

He agreed, so you just asked him to wait a little cause you were going to check where Luna was. You pretty much already had an idea, but you had to make sure she wasn’t in the woods or somewhere else. You walked in the dark only with the moonlight to guide you, you could see the whole structure of his camp.

Anxiety was bringing an uncomfortable feeling to your chest and stomach, and you were a little afraid of what you could encounter. When you arrived, you saw him and Carol, he having an outburst on her. You ran to stay between her and him.

“What the hell are you doing?” You yelled at him. How could he treat her like this after everything she went through?

“Keeping all of ya away from me!” He yelled back, even though he was shouting you could see in his eyes that anger wasn’t exactly what he was feeling, maybe just a bit. “Don’t ya understand I’m here for a reason? I ain’t yer servant so ya can go ordering me aroun’ as ya want!”

“Carol, go back. Let him be today. I’m pretty sure tomorrow he’ll regret his actions.” You told the woman that was behind you.

“What are ya here for?” He asked daggers on his eyes, he probably didn’t like what you said. “Came here to tell me, how I treated yer sis bad?”

“No, you asshole. I just defended your ass when someone mentioned it was your fault!” You retorted him, you had come with good intentions just to look for Luna, but you couldn’t just stand how he treated Carol and how he was behaving.

“Let me guess, Shane?”

“It doesn’t matter.” You answered, you didn’t want to take longer there, cause the longer you got to come back the more you were inclined to have a fight with him, and you didn’t want it. You just wanted Daryl back, the one that was a little bit grumpy and rough, but that was also sweet and considerate in the small things. “I came here for my dog. Is she here?”

“She’s sleeping in the tent.” He replied, you were surprised she didn’t wake up with all the yelling.

“Good.” You turned your back to him and started to go back to the camp.

“Aren’t ya gonna take her?” He asked a tad bit annoyed and confused.

“Just wanted to know if she was safe, you can have her today. You probably need her more than me.” You answered not turning back and continued your way back to the camp.

You went to RV and let Dale know you were already there to start your watch. Once more he tried talking you out of it, but you needed this time just for yourself and speaking the truth you were afraid of sleeping alone after your nightmare the night before, this time you wouldn’t have anyone to hug you if you needed.

You sat on the beach chair on the top of the RV, rifle resting on your lap, binoculars hanging on your neck and starring at the darkness. You always liked the night, more than the day, but you never were the one to change your sleeping habits because of this and despite of that you couldn’t appreciate the night properly at the cities. In your opinion the most special and magic thing about the night, was the sky with the moon and all the stars, you felt like you were looking into the universe and that mesmerized you. Also, you loved the silence and peace you could find at night.

Recently, you couldn’t enjoy the night anymore, because it was too dangerous, but honestly, being a woman, it wasn’t so different before. You didn’t enjoy the nights because of the parties and trivial things like this, what you really liked was the calming and silence it could give you. No car noises. No phones ringing. No one ring the doorbell. No annoying neighbors (well, most of the time). Now wasn’t so different all day, but you still needed to deal with people, and drama, and damn people that should be dead walking around and trying to eat your guts.

You spent the night watching the darkness, admiring the night and putting your thoughts in order. It was so exhausting being on an apocalypse, you couldn’t guess that besides fighting walkers, you’d need to deal with other people, have tons of familiar drama and have worries about a man you knew almost 3 months ago and was able to shake your life in a way no one had before, not even that bastard son of a bitch that ruined your life. On top of that you had your own dramas, traumas, worries and he, the man you couldn’t just stay away or give up, had his own troubles and you didn’t know if you would be able to break each other's barriers.

When the sun rose, you saw some dust far away in the road, you took the binoculars and saw the car in which Glenn and Rick left coming to the farm. You descended the RV stairs and went running to the house, announcing they were back and you prayed that please they had Hershel with them.

Soon they stopped in front of the house and all of the three were together, but they had guy with them. His leg was hurt. Soon Hershel and Patricia went to do a surgery on the boy’s leg. Glenn and Rick explained everything, the way things escalated made you fear what could happen. If this boy escaped or if their group went after you, all would be lost. It was too dangerous, but as a human being you could also understand what they did and why they did. After Hershel finished the surgery, and took care of Beth, everybody reunited to decide what to do with the kid. First plan, was to wait his recovery and then abandon him in a place far away from the farm. It could be a good plan, Shane didn’t like it much, but… what did he like nowadays? Maybe just Lori.

You left after you got breakfast, ready to go to your tent and try to sleep a little, or else Dale would speak a lot about it and the elderly man could be very incisive when he wanted.

“Can we talk?” You heard a gruff voice behind you, his voice. You didn’t look back.

“Did you already talk to Carol? She’s probably the most upset one.” You said, looking side eyed to your right and seeing Luna following you two. “Talk to her, then we can talk. Luna, come on girl, you already stayed away from me for enough time.”

You went to your tent and changed into comfortable clothes just to take a nap and make Dale happy that you rested as you promised. Luna joined you and laid there running your hand on her back, in some way it was soothing for you. After some time you heard Daryl knocking on the imaginary door of your tent. “Come in”, you said and soon he opened the door, entered and zipped it again. “Did you talk to Carol?”

“Yeah, already apologized for being a dick.” He said sitting in the opposite side from you. You sat and took a look at him in the dark of the tent while Luna turned around to rest her head on his lap.

“At least you’re a conscious dick.” You murmured.

“Wish, I wasn’t one at all” he chewed on his thumb.

“Everyone can be one sometimes.” And it was true, just that he was one more often, but you also knew he never had anyone to help him deal with his emotions. “I don’t like when you’re like that.”

“I know. Me neither. It’s just… I dunno how to be anything other than that.” He petted Luna’s head.

“I know. You were bad yesterday, because you cared, you felt… it’s ok to feel D. You’re human, you have a heart. It’s just how you bring these emotions out.” You were so calm, that it got him confused. It wasn’t that you weren’t upset, but you could see through his angry grumpy façade. It was just him trying to hide what he was truly feeling, also a way of auto sabotage himself. “It’s ok to rely on others. I see that you probably never had someone like this before, but now you have us. You have me. If you need to vent about something, cry or just go to the top of a mountain and scream all your feelings, you can come to me.”

“ ‘m sorry.” That’s the only thing he could say, he knew no explanation was needed, because you had just said pretty much what he was feeling.

“Come here.” You said laying over your sleeping bag and pointing at your chest. “Lay down and rest your head here.”

“Whatta ya…” he started to question, but you just cut him.

“Just do as I say, if I can lay my head on your chest, you can also do the same with me.” You opened your arms waiting for him.

You almost expected him to throw a tantrum just like the day before when he said he wasn’t your servant for you to order him around, but he obeyed laying on your left side, so he would not hurt his recovering wound. He rested his head on your chest, put his left arm around you while you hugged him with both your arms. One hand caressing his back carefully to not hurt him and the other on his head playing with his hair. He was a little embarrassed in the beginning, he thought it was very different you laying on his chest than he laying on yours. In his mind when you laid on his chest, it was pure, lovely and innocent, but for he, a man, lay on your chest it sounded wrong… women chests had always been something extremely sexualized by the society. Until that moment, when you started to rub his back and ran your fingers on his hair, he had never thought it could also be pure, innocent, lovely, soothing and many other adjectives that he could use to describe the sensation. He could listen to your heartbeat and feel your breathing, being able to relax.

“You’re forgiven, just don’t push yourself away again. Specially when we didn’t even fought between us.” You kissed the top of his head and he would not admit, but you felt him snuggling more into you. “Do you like it?” He just let a small hum. “This is what I mean when I say you can come to me. Whenever you need I’ll comfort you as you have already comforted me.”

You didn’t feel any animosity from the day before, in fact, when you saw him taking his things to set his camp far from yours, you thought you’d give him his space so he could overcome the situation. But when you saw he treating Carol badly you couldn’t just watch. You were happy he apologized to Carol and you were glad he came to you. You felt good about being able to show him what comfort was and how he could heal without hurting himself and the others around him.

You ended up sleeping with him in your arms, he stayed a little more enjoying the feeling and organizing his thoughts. Then he got up and left taking Luna with him and going around to see what he could do to help. He didn’t want to disturb your sleep, he knew you didn’t sleep, because he didn’t too. The night before, He just laid in his tent, Luna by his side and he couldn’t stop thinking about all his actions of the day, he wished you were there, but he had treated you so badly that he didn’t even know if you would like him close to you ever again. He regretted his actions like you said he would, but it was like he couldn’t control himself when he felt like this and mean words came out of his mouth without he even thinking about it. So even though he rested during the night he couldn’t sleep thinking about everything and knowing you were there keeping watch all by yourself in the darkness of the night. He could see you there, before he went to his tent, he saw you on top of the RV even from that distance he could see it was you. He wanted to go there and ask what you were doing, tell you to stop being so stubborn and go to sleep, but that night he felt like he didn’t have that right anymore.

He just knew one thing he needed to stop hurting people he didn’t want to hurt, people that he was learning he cared about. It feared him, because the only person he ever cared about was Merle. He didn’t even care about himself, but now he had people that he wasn’t completely sure yet, but he thought that maybe cared about him. Well, he felt like you truly cared, and he had to stop building walls and closing the door for you. He had never felt so good and safe before as he felt in your arms, and that was one thing he had to value, this was something he wanted to feel again and again and again.

Final Notes: Gosh, this was a very challenging chapter for me to finish, it took me sometime because the things never seemed right. For the next chapter or maybe chapterS we’ll have a gab of time that I can fill with something, so I was thinking about crossbow and hunting lessons with Daryl.

What do you think? If there’s anything you’d like to see, let me know me know. If it fits the story I’m trying to build maybe I can include.

Taglist: @sunnybunnyy2 @royaltysuite

Wanna be added to my taglist? Just let me know.

[xenon-demon]

cruel and unusual to make me pick between when you come back, it's gravity (kas!steve au) and boathouse wall slam 2: roleplay boogaloo so i simply shan't please tell me about both.

[also don't worry i also didn't make my wip wednesday word count bc apparently grieving makes it hard to function. or something. (but also sometimes life just Happens. it's fandom, no one's paying us for this shit 💜)]

Read you're amazing and I appreciate you so much <3 You are more than welcome to ask me about as many things as you'd like!!

[also thank you very much for the kind words & reminder not to take fandom shit so seriously it becomes stressful itself 💙 I hope you're doing a bit better now (since it's been a hot second since you sent this ask), life really does just fucking suck sometimes, huh?]

Paging @sidekick-hero who also asked me about boathouse wall slam; seeing as both of you asked about the same two fics, I'll use this ask to talk about boathouse wall slam and the other one to talk about gravity!

boathouse wall slam 2: roleplay boogaloo

Okay first of all this DOES actually have a title - strange love (won’t you give it to me?) - but I love the placeholder meme title way too much to change the file name. There's also about 2.5k words written in this document, but many of those words are Horny and thus I do not feel comfortable sharing them lmao

Also my "can't shut the fuck up" disease struck again SO this is going under a cut (which is also probably not a bad thing considering I'm talking about sex lmao)

AS THE MEME TITLE IMPLIES this is about Steve having Many Thoughts about Eddie shoving him up against the wall of Reefer Rick’s boathouse, to the point where he eventually caves and asks Eddie (his boyfriend of ~2 months, after about that much time again of fooling around together as friends) if he’d be willing to re-enact that moment with him. But this time they won’t have an audience. Because it's a sex roleplay. The surface level concept for this fic is just a smutty pwp revolving around re-enacting The Wall Slam™, because neither Steve nor the audience were being normal about that when it happened. The roleplay set-up was going to be something like Eddie just chilling and smoking out in the boathouse undisturbed (because Reefer Rick skipped town after Vecna was defeated, so the place is now unoccupied), Steve "accidentally" stumbling across him, Eddie thinking "oho the popular jock is here to beat me up, I'd better make the first move before he can" and throwing Steve up against a wall only to find Steve Really Likes Being Manhandled, and he's suggesting they maybe have a little fun with each other instead? (This part would not require much acting from Steve.) The roleplay aspect of it is basically them reaching back for their high school personas and acting as if they'd gotten into this situation with each other whilst still in school, before they became friends and certainly before they had any history together.

The original version I started (and got 2.5k words into before realising I wouldn't feel comfy posting it anywhere lol) was written... around this time last year? Like 10-12 months ago? And so it was very much coloured by the prevailing Fandom Opinions & Content™ at the time, aka this was a sub!bottom!Steve and dom!top!Eddie affair (with that being the Prevailing Pattern of their relationship thus far in the fic). I wasn't writing them as having an Official Established Dynamic™, I was just writing it as Steve having an inherent tendency to be submissive/give up control to Eddie during sex. Steve's nerves around asking Eddie about this particular fantasy are just due to Steve being nervous to ask for what he wants; he's not worried at all about asking Eddie to be a bit rough/dominant with him because really, They Do That Anyway.

While I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with approaching this concept (or Steddie!) like that, and I'll still read pretty much any flavour of Steddie (ultimately I think they're switches/vers, and also I don't care that much about who's in what position as long as they're in character), the way I view them & their dynamic has definitely changed since I came up with this concept. THEREFORE, here is how I would approach it if I were to write this as a oneshot now:

They're still newly dating at the start of the fic (only a month or two in), except the prevailing pattern of the relationship so far is service top/soft dom!Steve & bottom/ever so slightly sub!Eddie. This is mainly because a) that's what they're used to from previous partners, and b) Steve's got some Issues around giving up control in bed/feeling like he's not doing enough to please his partner (aka "I must prove my worth sexually or else they'll lose interest in me").

Steve has, however, been plagued with visions of Eddie throwing him around the boathouse like he was a small twig, and he is very quickly losing his sanity about it. Eddie could absolutely manhandle Steve the way Steve manhandles Eddie, if he wanted to. If Steve let him.

After a couple months of dating Eddie, Eddie can tell something's up, so he asks about it. Steve cracks like an egg the moment Eddie asks, confessing he keeps thinking about The Wall Slam. Eddie - who has already sniffed out Steve's issues around being Enough and Worthy for his partner - asks if he'd like them to recreate that moment. Steve agrees (while blushing so red he looks like a tomato).

CUE THE ROLEPLAY SMUT. This proceeds pretty much the same as the original version, complete with sub!bottom!Steve & dom!top!Eddie, but this version of Eddie is a much softer dom & this Steve takes a bit longer to really get into the swing of things. After the smut they have a cute little heart-to-heart about how Eddie's not going to leave Steve just because he wants a turn being looked after for once, and that Steve is going to make more of an effort to prioritise his own wants and needs sometimes.

Essentially, were I to write this now, I'd make it a smutfic character study of Steve & how he has issues around being vulnerable and letting Eddie take care of him, instead of him taking care of Eddie all the time. You know how it is, you go to write porn and it ends up growing legs and also a deep emotional core about the relationship between characters and their psychological issues.

Send me an ask about my WIPs!

[snakedogge]

huh total night-posting on the topic of "socially acceptable" mental illnesses and those tiktoks with kids being like "I came here for a mental breakdown now I think it wasn't that serious"

So I'll ramble under the cut about personal stuff - what is this Tumblr but an informal journal for myself anyways

I have had something Deeply Wrong with me for such a long time and after a complete shattering of my mind was I able to get it diagnosed and could start managing it, processing and healing

When I told people in my closest social circle at the time i quickly realized it was A Fucking Mistake. hey, here's my very serious diagnosis of being schizophrenic, I'm telling you all because I trust you and I need support

Suddenly people in my DMs "I think I hear voices too what are yours like? Mines named so and so" and I have to stress this that it wasn't somebody also with this issue coming to me for insight. Multiple people suddenly started identifying with me and leaning *into* it.

My ex who I was with at the time started saying "I think there's something wrong with me too I'm also paranoid" and then used that as a reason he couldn't work. He actually took my explanations for what I was going through and used my experience to get approved for disability through his work. I would wander the streets at night and hide under random cars because I could feel myself being followed. Like my ex is a whole story on his own but I was so genuinely unwell and he literally just used that to do even LESS for me than ever.

My friends started trying to probe about my voices and if they have identities and what was going on in my head and then it didn't take long until they had DID and were kinning characters. (which is not a diss on people with DID or who kin characters. in this specific situation, however, it was deeply uncomfortable.) Meanwhile I couldn't sleep at night because of the faces and because I could swear there were cameras in the walls and before I realized it I couldn't even tell them these things because they'd already packaged up my problem as being cute and quirky. what was my horrifying daily existence became this weird...quirky topic.

It's a really isolating experience. And all that to say I wouldn't undermine that those ex-friends truly did need therapy or help but when I told them my diagnosis they just took it a step further and saw it as a label for some identity and it truly felt like they made it about themselves.

Like my life was already spiraling out of control and now whenever someone asks me "so what are the voices like?" I just immediately cringe regardless of intent. I completely stopped being open about it because of shit like this. I wish I wasn't unnerving to be around and off putting. Yeah some of my stranger moments are funny in retrospect (thanks, Rick and Morty inspired delusional outbursts at 2am) but I still wish they never happened and I never did them.

And I don't mind leaning into being a weirdo. But leaning into my mental illness is totally separate territory. And it was a strange experience to feel, over time, like somebody was just trying to co-opt my identity, multiple times.

I know that of course some of that could be elevated by the paranoia but that's why I've sat and run through everything start to finish multiple times.

anyway all that to say that yeah, I believe people genuinely think mental illness is just a series of quirks. it's not just kids either but full grown adults. maybe they don't consciously think "it's just quirky" but the versions of mental illness they are comfortable with in their head only go that far. idk I am very sleepy

also glad my ass is back on tumblr. it's as anonymous a social media as I can get anymore, and I love feeling like I'm talking into a fuckin void of nothing, but still leaving a speck of me behind somewhere on the internet. honestly at the end of the day I just want to talk about my experience with my mental illness, but without... all of that. and without making others uncomfortable. like I feel like I have a few people I could absolutely DM them about stuff but I also feel it would put them in a tough spot. so God bless Tumblr dot com

[emoticonheart]

How would your newer and older original characters react if they saw each other?

Robin O’Connery, Arrach, and Runt, from Stolen Crown.

Princess Addison Bloomington and Ruby Daniels, from What You Find Along the Way.

Sierra Watson, Conner Eve, and Lizzy Harris, from The Universe Chose You, so I Will Too.

Rick “IckyRicky”, Ashley “Flexsteel” Fox, and Lily Alonto, from Flexsteel and IckyRicky.

Meira Yelren, Thalia Orog, Ascal Yelren, Lilian Yelren, Nareg Orog and Darion Orog, from Impressions.

Carmen Lopez and Zoe Papadopoulos, from At Your Worst.

Princess Adalaide, King Ian, King Rupert, and King Hunter, from Courtesy and Poise.

Abigail Longfoot, Willow Hastings, Selene Mapleleaf, and The Faren twins, from Crashing the Party.

thank you for linking the original post in your ask!! i'll only include my newer characters in this post, but if you missed part one, just click the link above!!

but anyways, here we go!!

princess adalaide: one very important thing to know about adalaide is that while she knows she's quite a talented burper, she only sees it as something her body seems to do. she doesn't find joy or pleasure in it, but she also doesn't find embarrassment in it either. and since she has complete control over when she burps, she only ever does so when it'll help relieve some discomfort or when she's trying to prove a point of some kind. so, when interacting with everyone, she'll talk and laugh and just enjoy everyone's company, but she won't burp because she doesn't feel the need to. she won't judge all the other women for showing off their skills, but she just won't participate herself. also, she won't interact with conner at all, even though he seems nice enough. sorry, she just really hates men!

kings ian, rupert, and hunter: they wouldn't even last five seconds without being shamed for their weak burps and then laughed out the door.

abigail longfoot: poor girl is terrified out of her mind. again, that day at the frat party was the first time she had ever burped like that before, but to see so many people who burp like that all the time? she's not sure what to make of that? like does that mean she'll start burping like that all the time too?? will she ever be able to just be a normal dwarf ever again?? a part of her thinks she should be comforted to know she's not alone, but she's too busy being stressed.

willow hastings & selene mapleleaf: i lumped them together because they react the same way: hiding in the corner of the room alongside lizzy. they couldn't be more disgusted. abigail tries joining them at one point but they immediately push her away because according to them, she's one of them now.

the faren twins: they can't burp (they were really only joining the contest at the frat party so that they can listen to everyone else burp) but they're in heaven listening to all these amazing burpers. they love thalia and robin especially, but only robin wants anything to do with them. thalia keeps her distance from them. in fact, the only people that interact with them are robin, selena, and willow.

thanks again for the fun ask!!

[a-c-x-g]

Oh fun! I havent done one of these in ages- lets go! Tagged by @blueherin

Song I last listened to: Evil Friends by Portugal the Man

Books I'm reading: I have to have five on deck at all times or else I go insane! I've decided on labeling them "fast" vs "slow" books instead of "easy" vs "challenging". Fast books are read in days to weeks, slow books in weeks to months.

Slow Nonfiction: Death by Landscape, by Elvia Wilk

Very funny story with this one: I texted my BIL absolutely raving about Jeff Vandermeer's Annihilation. He texts me back raving about a book of essays that discusses Annihilation- so we traded! I recently moved from the desert to a swamp, and it's true. The land really wants to eat you, and in different ways

Slow Memoir: Yoga by Emmanuel Carrère

Deeply important book to me now. I've never wanted to punch someone in the face more. The author is very aware of this! He manages to write a book that neither aggrandizes nor apologizes for his unlikeableness. It's a great, intentional example about what the meditative practice of observing without judgment can offer the memoirist. Separately, I would have become this man of 6 fewer things had gone wrong with me growing up. It's a pretty valuable dark mirror for that.

Fast Nonfiction: Yoga for Emotional Trauma by Mary and Rick NurrieStearns

Self-help and romance novels are my two comfort genres. You usually know in the first 30 pages if they're worth finishing, and ypu dont have to pay that much attention. If there's something worth seeing in there, it jumps out at you. This book is actually part memoir, which I liked quite a lot, and is very well-cited. It's been interesting to see a licensed clinician navigate the space of writing about spiritual methods without cribbing to claims of healing or authority. I WAS hoping for more about stretching, though, but I'm only halfway through.

Reference: Yoga Anatomy by Leslie Kaminoff

You may notice a theme at this point. I started singing opera two years ago, after my voice settled from testosterone. I have some diaphragm control issues related to spinal malformations and significant chronic illness. I also solve all my problems by researching. Did you know that your diaphragm is attached to your heart??? Wild stuff. An extremely thorough reference so far. It manages to talk about yoga health concepts as "methods for improving soft tissue functions and thinking about the body as a series of cavities" alongside more western medicine as "methods for improving organ functions and thinking about the body as a series of oozes." It's nice to have both!

Fast Fiction: The Dragon's Bride by Katee Robert

I've read a lot of erotica in my time- see "Fast Nonfiction." This is the first book I've read that's shifted away from "all non-humans are weird werewolves" and straight into "this is a published scaley monsterfucking book." 8/10. Uniquely excellent pacing. A little too much world building, but they get it out of the way quickly. The sex is hot and well-written- There's too much interest in pregnancy for my tastes, but maybe that's the market.

Currently watching: TV pacing usually stresses me out, so I do more movies than series. That said, my wife and I have just started Season 2 of Mushi-Shi! It's nice to see visual media really commit to a short story anthology format

Movie Watch List: Last two films were "Todo Sobre Mi Madre", directed by Pedro Almodóvar and "Fantastic Mr. Fox", directed by Wes Anderson. Up next is "The Death of Stalin"- my husband thinks it will help cheer me up about my workplace drama

Tagging: @auxphonos and @nyxkaikaos if either of you want!

[janetsboys]

Helping your boyfriend <3 (part 1.)

warnings: mentioning blood, a lot of insecurity, mentions of death, cries.

A/N: i’ve never seen something like that about carl in here so i needed to do it hihi!!

summary: this takes place in season 7, fem!reader is Maggie and Glenn’s adoptive daughter. Negan just killed your dad and your mom is away from you. You were about to leave for the Hilltop when you saw Carl crying in your room.

let me know if you want a part two and i’d love to do it<3

disclaimer: english is not my first language, be kind ;)

You walked into the room already tired of an only starting day, you found it so hard to keep going on after your father’s death, what you saw that night, you’ll never recover from this.

Negan had all the control over this situation and gosh you hated this. You were definitely far from okay but you had to wake up every morning and face the day.

Your mom is away because of her conditions, you’re holding on for her, and your soon little brother or sister. You’re going to the Hilltop to visit her and know if she’s okay. You decided to go today so you enter your room to pick some things before you go.

You share a room with Carl since you arrived to Alexandria, Rick and Michonne were okay with you living with them and your parents were also okay after a long talk about it. Maggie was not really for the idea, she was of course scared of teenagers being teenagers, but you talked to Glenn in private and convinced him to convince Maggie so, she said okay.

This makes you laugh a lot when you think about this because, now that your dad is gone, you’re so glad to have Carl with you every night, comforting you and supporting you, the fact that your dad was the one who made this possible and now he’s gone but, every time you walk into your bedroom and see Carl, you remember your father’s exhausted voice sighing “Okay, fine, i’ll convince mom to let you and Carl share a room.”

You opened the door to find your boyfriend sitting on your bed, his hat next to him; “Carl? Are you okay?” he didn’t answer so you just closed the door and sat next to him.

“What happened?” you said calmly after seeing the bandage in his right hand and the tear rolling down his cheek.

“I can’t do it. My dad left the house to get things for Negan and Michonne left, she told me to change my bandage but-” “It’s fine. I’ll change it for you don’t worry.” you said with the softest tone in your voice.

“No. I don’t want you to do it, i’ll wait for Michonne to come back, i just panicked cause i took it off and there was blood and it hurt and i just- i just panicked it’s fine.” “No, it’s not, Carl, please let me help you.”

He seemed very lost, you immediately knew he probably had a breakdown, you know he’s insecure about his missing eye and all of this just made him angry and sad.

“I said no, i don’t want you to see it.” He’s covering his eye with his hair, you saw the bloody bandage and knew it’s hurting him right now.

You took the bandage slowly off his hand and took his other hand in yours.

“I know it’s hurting you, i promise you there’s no thoughts behind this, i want to help you and i don’t care how bad it looks.” “You wouldn’t say this if you were wearing it.” he sounds so angry even though he’s holding it back because it’s not against you.

“I don’t want to force you to show it to me or anything that you wouldn’t want to do but i’m doing this for you, Michonne is probably coming back too late for you to stay like this.” you stayed very calm during the whole conversation to not stress him even more.

You slowly put your hand on his right cheek, he let you turn his head. He looks at you with pure fear. He’s been through a lot in his life, he doesn’t even know why this is such a hard moment to pass. After everything he’s seen and done, he’s incapable of showing you his missing eye because he hates it so much.

“It’s okay, let go.” you’re lifting his hair up and behind his ear. You saw his missing eye for the first time, you’re not going to lie it’s not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen but you’re far from being disgusted. You give him a reassuring smile, you look at his right eye “It’s really nothing to be ashamed of, Carl.” then you looked at his left eye, he was letting out a relieved tear “You should be proud of it, you survived a gunshot in your eye, you’re a survivor.” he smiles at you, a hand on your knee when

you take the box that contains what he needs for his eye. You take a bandage and an eye patch, you put a bit of the liquid he gave you on the eye patch.

“Are you ready?” you ask nicely, he nods and you softly put it around his face, adjusting the back with his head and eye so it doesn’t bother him too much, you let his hair go back to their place and look at him proudly.

“Look at you, handsome!” you say with an enthusiastic tone.” “Thank you, Y/N, really. For being so patient and kind. I know it seems ridiculous but I can’t help it.” “You’re not ridiculous at all, you’re just a human, and you’re young, let’s not forget about this, it’s always hard to accept yourself and it’s even harder for you after what you’ve been through.”

You looked at each other with big smiles and you pulled each other into a kiss, you hugged him for a long time, his head resting on your shoulder, his arms all around you as you hold his head and smooth your hand on his back, comforting him into a big hug.

After a while you guys stop the hug, you look at him, “I’m sorry, Carl, i have to go now…” you say, a bit sad. “What? Where are you going? And alone?” he responds, worried about you. “Don’t worry, I’m going to the Hilltop, i need to see my mom.” “You can’t go, Y/N, it’s too dangerous and it’s far away from here. You don’t even know if Maggie is fine.” “I know, that’s why i’m going there. I can’t stay here anymore, constantly being scared and angry. I just lost my dad and i really need her right now. I don’t care how far away it is.”

He looks at you with exasperated sight, “Fine, i’ll go with you then.” "Thank you.”

Y’all left Alexandria, climbing one of the huge walls and taking the road to the Hilltop.

————————————————————————————

let me a comment without spoilers please cause for now i’m only at 07x11😽 love y’all <3

[heresathreebee]

@yespolkadotkitty it was YOUR ASK that tumblr ate I FINALLY FUCKING GOT MOTIVATION TO DO IT AND THE DAMN WEBSITE ATE YOUR ASK IM PISSED

Anyways mi amor Polkakitty asked me to do a Rick Flag fic with the prompt :"Think you can handle that much?" And I did it! 🧡

This fic is a neutral female reader insert but exists within the Ruby Moon Sunflower Seeds canon. Tags for explicit language and sexual content (18+), pre-wedding stress, controlling in-law behavior vs casual male flippancy, and Rick in baseball streetwear.

You're sitting at a grimy fold out table surrounded by stacks of paper and ready to call the entire wedding off when Rick casually– and without knocking just like all of his family members– walks into the room. 

"What the fuck are you wearing?," you growl at him as you peer between your fingers. 

Rick looks confused. His eyes sweep over his own attire– dry mud on his worn jeans and a baseball jersey. His face returns to you, nonplussed. "Why? What'sa matter?" 

He meant with his clothes but you're not actually mad about those at all. "What's wrong is that while you've been kicking it with your cousins playing games, I've been trapped in this godforsaken room to hand write these godforsaken wedding invitations for people I have either never met or are already here!" 

Rick nodded minutely, tossing his baseball glove aside on the nice furniture in the nice room– something you had been explicitly told not to do hence why you were writing letters on the shitty fold out. "I see… did aunt Eunice give you that fountain pen?" 

You would have snapped the damn antique pen if your writing hand didn't hurt so much. "No. Your aunt Bess did and she's been fucking terrorizing me ever since this whole thing started!" 

He had to have noticed. The wedding theme was not your or his colors– it was the colors aunt Bess regretted not doing for her second wedding. Your maid of honor was her reluctant daughter and the rest of the bridesmaids? Rick's single aunt and a few 'eligible' cousins. He has his friends as groomsmen save one uncle and brotherly cousin. Rick got to choose. You had never been given a choice for anything in this wedding and you say as much to him now. 

"-- the cake is raspberry chocolate. I don't even like raspberry chocolate!," you dump your head in your hands and try not to cry. 

You are surprised to feel something slip over your head– it's Rick's baseball cap– and gasp as he hoists you into his arms to carry you to the piano bench before plopping down with you in his lap. With your lip quivering, you wipe a stray tear from your cheek and mutter pathetically, "m not supposed to touch anything in here…" 

Rick gives you a scowl. "You are an amazing woman. You're strong… you're tough… I've seen you disarm three dudes with a scarf and come away unharmed. So darlin'..." 

"Why are you letting aunt Bess walk all over you?" 

Your hands rest on his chest where the buttons are down and his undershirt shows. You work your jaw until you're sore, racking your brain for a succinct answer. He's right, you would never let anyone treat you like this before now, yet with aunt Bess you have endured nearly three months of it. Why? 

You sigh and your voice quivers slightly. "Because it's not just her. It's everyone. I-I'm trying so hard not to be the Angry Bitch that everyone seems to be waiting for me to be. But now everything is completely out of my control and I haven't even had a chance to tell them that their won't be a bride's side of the family!" 

Rick winces sympathetically. Where the Flag clan is purebred and a thousand strong (hence the mountains of invitations), your family is miniscule, an acquired group of misfits and not all of them are the type to bring to weddings. The only thing you are certain of is your mother will not come if she is invited and your father will probably come uninvited with malicious intent. 

And as he seems to do more and more lately, Rick slips his hand beneath the length of your shirtdress and rubs his thumb in soothing circles on the bare skin of your thighs. 

"I'm sorry darlin. To tell you the truth I was enjoying watching you squirm, waiting for you to stand up for yourself, but I never thought it would get this… complicated." 

Your eyebrows pinch together. "Stand up for myself? These are not enemies on a metaphorical battlefield, Rick. This is your family– this is about to be our family! The last thing I want is to alienate either of us before we're even married!" 

"Ok, I see that now." Rick sniffs and looks around, forming a plan in his head. "Look, tell me this: who do you want as your bridesmaids?" 

You drum your fingers weakly against his chest. "Well, your cousin Maggie's a good kid–" 

"Nonono," he interjects, "-- fuck what my family wants. Who do you want as your bridesmaids?" 

He presses your foreheads together and waits patiently for your answer. It feels like forever has gone by since someone genuinely cared about what you want. You think through your tiny roster of friends and found family to find someone suitable for a wedding. 

"...the Gotham City Sirens. Harley. Fuck it– mama Mbowe and Deadshot if he wants." 

Rick laughs. "I didn't know you were buddy buddy with the Gotham City Sirens. And Harley? She's a total wedding crasher!" 

"Harley would be so honored to be chosen, she would behave… until the after party." 

Rick concedes with a nod. "I don't think Deadshot's gonna wear a dress, though. Harkness would be all over it, though." 

Harkness is going to try and fuck your cousins, your aunts and your uncles, you grandmother, your dad–" 

"Stop stopstopstop– " Rick shivers, "I get it! He's banned."

"... I want to call it off." 

For a moment, the easy happiness on Rick's face melts into hurt before you continue– 

"Just for now! I… I know everybody is obsessed with a summer wedding and venues are hard to book but… I want our wedding to be our wedding, not your family's wedding." 

"You mean you wanna… postpone it?" 

"Yes!" You wrap your arms around his shoulders and bury your face in his neck where his strong scent envelopes you. "That's what I meant, I'm so so sorry, my brain is fried and my nerves…" 

Rick nods and blinks away the threat of tears. You almost had him there, his heart dropped into his stomach thinking you were really calling everything off...

You're starting to drift off as Rick rubs your back. It feels like he has single handedly yanked the weight of the world off of your shoulders. You know his family is going to be furious but you feel confident now in it being the right thing to do, especially knowing he'll be by your side on this decision. 

That is until you hear a door somewhere slam open and a flurry of voices rise above the din of peaceful quiet. You look at Rick, climb off of his lap and trot to the door. You recognize some of them and they sound angry. 

"What did you do?" 

Rick shrugs– with his messaging app on his phone in his hand. 

"Did you text them that the wedding is off??" Well this isn't going to help the situation. You cross the room again and stand above him. "You're an idiot." 

"Well, I'm your idiot. Come here–" 

He reaches up your skirt– your too busy cringing as you hear your name from somewhere outside– and pulls your underwear down your legs. "Rick!" 

"Ssshhh!!" He gets a leg of yours free and deposits you back into his lap where you can feel the roughness of dirty denim on your bare butt. "You want 'em to hear you?" 

"What the hell are you doing??," you whisper yell even as you feel your muscles clench and slick gathering from the inside. 

Your fiancée gives you a wicked smile. "Trynna help you relax." 

He hooks an arm around your waist to anchor you and stuffs you with two large fingers with his other hand. It burns so good it almost makes you scream but you bite down on your lip and accidentally slam your hand onto a few piano keys. 

You feel Rick's hot tongue lavish your clavicle and up your neck to your ear before he whispers the filthiest thing.  

"They're looking for you," he says, "but it's a big house and if we're quiet, they'll give up and regroup in one of the kitchens. We have maybe an hour before someone checks this room, and in that time, I'm going to fuck you nice and slow, until your bones are jelly and your body is satisfied." 

You whimper as his fingers massage deeper than you could ever reach yourself and grip his jersey so tight the seams squeal. 

"You been runnin' around doing everything everybody tells you to do. I know you've been sleeping like shit and you carry your stress on your shoulders. It's my turn to boss you around, but Imma make you feel good. So you're just gonna sit on this cock and let me guide you." 

"I want you to relax and enjoy us." He pulls back to press his forehead to yours which is now perspiring lightly. "Think you can handle that much?" 

You hum. "Yes sir…" 

[sanzoumon]

FREE RICKORTY+ PROMPTS!:

Seriously, if you wanna write any of these just go for it and then let me know. Spoilers for S5E10. Some are more gen but could also be shippy, smut encouraged but optional. All of these are definitely bottom!Morty btw. Others are straight up smut.

Non-rickorty prompts (really just Morty x Summer) are are the bottom.

PROMPTS:

Trapped on what remains of the Citadel, Rick confesses that he recently realized he’s in love with Morty and that he wants to be by Morty’s side forever - in whatever way Morty wants (as in be it romantic, familial, platonic, whatever, it’s Morty’s choice). How does Morty feel and what will he decide?

After the whole Planetina thing Morty gets much needed comfort from Beth. Tho he feels better after that, Morty feels the overwhelming need to be with Rick. As it happens, after that whole ordeal with Daphne, Rick feels an overwhelming need to be with Morty. Bedsharing and comfort ensue.

Morty notices that ever since the Citadel was destroyed, Rick’s been way more physically affectionate. Little touches, petting his hair, hugging, casually rubbing soothing circles on him when they relax, wanting to cuddle, affectionate kisses, handholding, even nuzzling him. Morty likes it. A LOT.

In a rare moment of relaxation, Rick and Morty snuggling up together, they share a kiss. Both are shocked but then immediately begin an intense make-out session.

Rick wants to make up for his prior mistreatment of Morty. Morty asks for something be never expected: A kiss. And Morty means a full on kiss - tongue included. Who is Rick to deny him?

Rick and Morty have a rather intense incest kink. Lots of dirty talk.

Morty finds out that Rick has feelings for him. Rick freaks out, feels like a piece of shit, and tries to run away. Morty stops him, clings to him, begs Rick to calm down and to not leave him. Rick is practically hysterical, Morty gets him to shut up and calm down the only way he can - a kiss.

Morty preys on Rick’s guilt for having mistreated Morty in the past by guilting him into having sex. Morty knows Rick doesn’t want it, but he’ll do anything Morty wants. Morty feels like shit doing this but he can’t get about of how good Rick feels inside him.

Morty royally screws up on an adventure, almost getting himself killed, and Rick opts for a good ol fashioned punishment - a bare bottom spanking. Aftercare happens because Rick was terrified for Morty and needs him to understand this is why he spanked him.

Rick suffers from Domdrop after a really emotionally intense session with Morty. Morty provides Rick with the aftercare he needs.

The family finds out about Rick and Morty’s relationship. Shocking everyone, it’s Beth who attacks Rick square in a blind rage. The whole time Morty is begging her to stop hurting Rick, who doesn’t even try to defend himself, and it’s Jerry and Summer who have to hold her back so she’ll actually listen to Morty.

Rick and Morty get married at the alien equivalent of Las Vegas. Summer was a witness and recorded the whole thing.

In another dimension it’s considered a rite of passage for a boy to have sex with the household patriarch when he turns 14. Morty never felt the need to do that but then Rick comes along and says that’s because Jerry wasn’t man enough to do it, so Rick takes it upon himself to do so.

Morty is attracted to Rick specifically because Rick is a dirty old man.

On the Citadel, some Morty’s are bred purely to be sex slaves for Rick’s. Bred to be more compliant, submissive, and who love Rick’s unconditionally no matter how badly they mistreat them.

Rick and Morty have an emotionally incestuous relationship. Basically: “when a parent or caregiver relies on a child for the support that an adult partner would usually provide. They may also treat the child like a romantic partner.”

Morty deliberately gets himself into trouble on adventures because Rick will, out of worry and adrenaline pumping through him, fuck Morty afterward like an animal. Like a twisted version of “glad to be alive sex”.

Rick and Morty have to hide in a tight fitting enclosed space while facing each other. Awkward boners and grinding / dry humping ensue.

Omegavese. Morty goes into heat and Rick knocks him up. It wouldn’t be so bad if Rick wasn’t seriously turned on by Morty being pregnant with his baby.

Omegaverse. Unclaimed Omega’s have it rough and are constant targets for harassment. One day Morty gets assaulted by some Alpha’s at school and before they’re able to violate and claim him, Rick shows up and makes them wish they were never born. Morty knew right then that Rick was his Alpha and begs for Rick to claim him.

Rookie Cop Rick x Cop Morty. Rick likes how chubby Morty is.

Toxic Rick x Toxic Morty. They’re both made up of the irrational attachments they have for each other. Without their healthier selves to reign them in they can’t keep their hands off each other. Basically, in between all the science, Toxic Rick fucks Toxic Morty and Toxic Morty can’t get enough of just how much Rick loves him.

Evil Rick x Evil Morty. Sometimes Morty lets Rick have control of himself again just so Rick will rape him like he used to before Morty took control.

Morty’s fantasy is for Rick to fuck him against his will while Morty cries and begs Rick to stop. Rick can’t deny Morty his perverted fantasy.

Rick goes on a rampage to save Morty and, by the time all is said and done, Rick is mildly wounded and is practically drenched in the blood of his enemy. And it’s the hottest thing Morty has ever seen in his life. Morty wants Rick to fuck him right then and there, raw and primal, using the blood as lube.

Morty’s just so small and cute. Rick loves it a little too much.

Rick loves to degrade and humiliate Morty in bed. Morty loves it too.

Breeding kink. They like to pretend Morty can actually get pregnant when they have sex.

OTHER:

Summer asks Rick to shrink her giant space incest baby down to normal baby size. Everyone tries to talk her out of it because she’s young and not ready to raise a baby, but she knows she can’t live without him and that she wants this.

Morty x Summer. It may have been under very weird circumstances but fact is they have a baby together. Summer says she doesn’t expect anything from Morty and is cool with it, but Morty wants to be involved. Raising a kid together can make you feel things you never expected to feel.

Morty x Summer. Morty liked attractive redheads and Summer is no exception.

Morty x Summer. After everything they’ve seen and done, sex with each other to relieve stress isn’t that noteworthy.

Morty x Summer. Summer is humiliated that she actually enjoys being fucked by her little brother. Worse yet, Morty knows it and taunts her with it while fucking her. Worst of all, him doing that makes it even better for her.

Morty x Summer. Set during the time Rick was in prison. They’re always fighting lately, sometimes to the point of physical aggression. One thing leads to another.

Morty & Summer. After the whole Morty Jr. thing, Morty isn’t sure he wants to be a dad again. But Summer is worn ragged with school, taking care of their recently-shrunk-to-normal-size space baby, and their family giving her crap for raising him instead of leaving him in space. And, well, he is responsible for the kid existing in the first place. Basically they raise their baby together.

Summer sees Morty getting picked on at school and she ends up beating up his bully half to death.

Morty x Summer. Something happens and they end up bound together face to face with Morty’s head buried in Summer’s boobs. They’re so big and soft that he gets aroused in spite of himself. Summer feels it, insults him like expected, but tells him just to hurry up and get rid of it by grinding against her thigh so they can start pretending this whole thing never happened sooner.

————

And that’s all I got for now, folks! I know it’s a long list and it’s all over the place but I have so many ideas in my head and the S5 finale just sent my imagination into overdrive.

So please, if you’re a writer, I hope these prompts inspire you. Let me know if you write anything, please!

[the-ghost-king]

Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:

I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.

I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.

Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.

A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.

Common symptoms include:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions

less interest in social activities

Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?

Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).

Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.

Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.

As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.

So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues I’ve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I won’t do that.

On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.

Alright, let’s go back to the list of symptoms I provided:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions/behavior

less interest in social activities

Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, I’m just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.

Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)

Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..

Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)

Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..

I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)

More on delusions and hallucinations:

Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and it’s how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.

In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)

Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior

Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).

It’s important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.

Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:

However this isn’t and immediate diagnosis because Bob’s voice doesn’t talk to another voice(s) in Nico’s head, and we don’t know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.

The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isn’t because Nico hasn’t said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients don’t realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of “washing the dishes now” the voice(s) might say “wash the dishes now, you’re so lazy you can’t do anything, idiot” during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isn’t the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I won’t use this to argue my point because it’s not confirmation of anything.

Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bob’s voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but there’s no confirmation of this anywhere… What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for “using” Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we don’t really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nico’s brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never “sat still” before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...

It very well could be a delusion.

Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. It’s an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I don’t think he is, it doesn’t entirely make sense and there’s lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. I’ll say delusion is very likely (1).

Using these two factors alone there’s sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but let’s keep going just to see.

For disorganized speech (3) this isn’t something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did “derailing” could be ADHD or Autism, so I don’t think this symptom pertains to him.

Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jason’s death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so I’m not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isn’t a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, it’s possible it’s schizophrenia, but it’s more likely PTSD or depression at work.

So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?

I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true

Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.

People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.

I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.

I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)

[justabigassnerd]

Second father

Pairing - Daryl Dixon x child!reader 

Word count - 2,168

Warnings - mentions of violence, lil’ bit of angst, honestly this is mostly fluff

Summary - Negan's daughter is found in the Sanctuary after the war, Daryl takes her under his wing

A/N - Hey y’all I’m back with a new request which was honestly a joy to write because I’m soft for Daryl Dixon (if that wasn’t already obvious before) and it was kinda tough to write but I like to hope I did okay (I finished this at a stupid hour due to my lovely flatmates keeping me up haha). I won’t ramble anymore but as per y’all please send in requests and enjoy!

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The one thing Rick and his group weren’t expecting to find at the Sanctuary after defeating Negan and taking the Sanctuary as their own was a child. They were confused until Daryl stepped into the room, recognising you instantly. He didn’t know your name but he knew you were Negan’s daughter, he had seen you when the Saviours took him prisoner, when he was cleaning the corridors he saw you skipping alongside Negan with your hand in his and he remembered you asking his name but Daryl had remained silent out of fear of punishment so you never found out his name either and Negan warned you against talking to him but you always offered him a kind smile and a wave whenever you saw him working around the Sanctuary. When you saw Daryl, you were instantly up on your feet and you hid behind his legs, terrified of the strange people in your room and seeking comfort in the only person you recognised. Daryl was shocked at your sudden decision to hide behind him but ultimately understood it because you were young, he figured about four years old and a large group of people you’ve never met before have come into your home. While Daryl was frozen in shock Rick quickly took control of the situation, crouching down to be at your height, you were around Judith’s age and everyone let him deal with it.

“Hey there, what’s your name?” Rick asks, a kind smile on his face as you poke your head out from behind Daryl’s legs.

“y/n.” You reply shyly, returning with a small smile of your own as you take in Rick’s friendly demeanour.

“Hi y/n, I’m Rick. I see you already know Daryl.” Rick comments as you take in Daryl’s name looking up at him.

“He was here for a bit, I wanted to talk to him, but daddy said I wasn’t allowed to.” You say, still not understanding why Daryl was at the Sanctuary and why you weren’t allowed to talk to him.

“Who’s your dad y/n?” Rick asks, curious as to who would leave a young child alone after what happened between the communities and the Saviours.

“Negan.” Daryl intercepts, looking from you to Rick as he takes in what Daryl says, immediately standing up straight and looking down at you once more, fighting to hide his guilt. He hated Negan more than anything in this apocalypse, but he hated the thought that he took a father away from his daughter.

“Do you know where my daddy is?” You ask, noticing Rick’s reaction to hearing your dad’s name. The four adults in the room all look at each other not knowing how or what to say to you.

“y/n sweetheart can you stay in here for a minute? The adults need to have a quick chat, we’ll be right outside okay?” Carol says, smiling down at you as she gestures at your bed and you nod, emerging from behind Daryl and sitting on your bed. You grab the book on your bed and open it, starting to read the words on the page as the adults all file into the corridor.

“How do we explain the war to her? As well as the fact we have her father prisoner.” Rick says, a hand running through his hair out of stress.

“We don’t. She don’t need to know that.” Daryl says, his paternal instincts kicking in and wanting to keep the war as hidden as possible from you, if Judith didn’t have to know about it then you didn’t either. Daryl noticed Carol’s raised eyebrow at his quick response but ignored it, he knew she wasn’t expecting him to be so protective over Negan’s daughter, but he didn’t care what she thought.

“So, what do we say Daryl?” Michonne asks, turning to Daryl.

“I don’t know but it ain’t fair to tell a kid that ‘er dad is bein’ held prisoner after a war with us, if it was the other way round would you want Judith to know what you did?” Daryl replies, turning to both Michonne and Rick who glance at each other, understanding what Daryl is saying. While Negan may have been an asshole who killed people in front of Rick and the others, to you he was someone different. He was your father, the man who protected you when the dead started to roam the Earth and took care of you despite his role as the leader of the Saviours.

“We should bring her back to Alexandria, as long as she doesn’t find out about Negan in that cell, she should be fine. There will be someone there who will be happy to look after her.” Rick says, rubbing his face.

“I’ll look after ‘er.” Daryl says, shocking everyone as they turn to look at him.

“What? She already trusts me, I’ll keep ‘er safe.” He continues, looking at the group around him. Rick holds a stare with Daryl before nodding slowly.

“Go help her to pack some stuff up, the sooner we head back home the better.” Rick says, gesturing to your door with his head and watching as Daryl enters the room before Rick turns around to tell the others to help the others pack up stuff from the Sanctuary.

You looked up from your book when you heard the door open, not knowing who would be coming in and you visibly relaxed upon seeing Daryl enter the room.

“You got a bag? You’re gonna come live with us, we’ll look after you.” Daryl says, watching as you get off your bed, crouching down and pulling a small suitcase from out underneath it. Daryl helped you pack clothes and any extras you wanted to bring before zipping up the suitcase and picking it up while you grab your rabbit soft toy off your bed and clutch it close to your chest.

“C’mon.” Daryl says, a small smile on his face as you grab his hand following him out to the cars and Daryl was silently pleased that he chose not to take his bike today because he wanted you to be as comfortable as possible and if he was someone who made you comfortable then he’d stick with you for as long as you needed. He loads your suitcase into the car and gets into the car with you following after. You immediately snuggled against Daryl’s side, melting his heart. he wasn’t expecting you to put so much trust into him despite barely knowing him. Daryl protectively wrapped an arm around you as you cuddled your toy closer to your chest. Daryl knew he didn’t want to replace Negan, but he’d be damned if he let anything or anyone hurt you.

When you arrived at Alexandria you followed Daryl through the town happily waving at people and taking in the sights of the town. You asked Daryl a lot of questions and while he was never one for socialising he answered your questions and talked to you as you walked to drop your stuff off at his house where he decided you’d be staying.

In his cell Negan heard a familiar voice that had him standing by the window in seconds. When he saw you walking alongside Daryl chatting happily with him tears immediately sprang to his eyes. He stumbled backwards until his back met the wall and slid down and sat on the floor as sobs racked his body. You were the first thought that came into his head when he woke up inside Alexandria’s walls, he didn’t dare mention you out of fear Rick would do something to you. His tears were mostly of relief, he expected the worst when it came to Rick’s group finding you but seeing you alive and happy was enough for him. He knew there was no chance he’d be able to talk to you but seeing you and just knowing you were okay was all he needed to see. He figured he’d ask the next person to check up on him to let him know how you’re doing but they’d probably deny his request. He figured it was worth a shot when the door to the room opened and Rick walked in, stopping when he saw Negan sobbing on the floor and sat on the chair.

“We took the stuff from the Sanctuary today. You guys had a lot of stuff which will help us massively.” Rick says, ignoring Negan curled up into a ball on the floor. Once Rick finished his sentence there was a silence that was only broken by Negan’s occasional sniffles as he attempted to regain control over his emotions.

“y/n, is she okay? I saw her walk past. Is she okay?” Negan asks, looking up at Rick with a fire in his teary eyes.

“Yeah, Daryl’s gonna be looking after her from now on.” Rick says, trying to fight the guilt crawling in his stomach as Negan wipes his tears away.

“He better take good care of her or I’ll-”

“He will. Daryl offered to look after her almost as soon as we found her. She trusts him and I know he wouldn’t hurt her.” Rick states firmly, not letting Negan have doubt in Daryl. When Negan didn’t reply Rick decided it wasn’t worth torturing the man any further and left the room, locking the door behind him. Leaving Negan alone in his cell.

Nearly a week had passed since Daryl took you under his wing and you had enjoyed every second you spent within the walls of Alexandria. You had made friends with Judith and you spent a lot of time with her, drawing, painting, and playing games. Everyone in Alexandria adored you and didn’t hold your father’s actions against you in any way. Alexandria quickly became your new home and you preferred it to the Sanctuary, it was warm, and everyone was nice unlike the people your father associated himself with. The group had noticed how you changed Daryl, he was a lot happier when you were around, always smiling and laughing when he had the chance to play a game with you. You gave him a reason to return to Alexandria every time he left to go on runs or hunts. While you loved living with Daryl who quickly became a second father to you, you couldn’t help but miss your real father. You still hadn’t been told what happened to him and you’d never asked until one night as you got into your bed you decided to ask Daryl as he came in to say goodnight as he did every night.

“Daryl, what happened to my daddy?” You ask innocently, looking up at Daryl who stops walking, not knowing how to approach this situation. His instincts were screaming at him to keep this from you, that you didn’t need to be thinking that your father is a monster.

“Is he in heaven?” You press, tears filling your eyes which shatters Daryl’s heart.

“Nah, he ain’t there. He’s okay, I know that. Ya ain’t old enough to know what happened but I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Daryl replies quickly, approaching the bed and sitting down next to you, letting you crawl over to him and cuddle against his side as he reincorporated the hug.

“You promise?” You ask quietly, looking up at Daryl with wide, curious eyes.

“I promise kid.” He replies, looking down at you with a small smile as he lifts a hand to ruffle your hair, causing you to let out a giggle and swat at his hand with one of your own before Daryl starts to tickle you, letting out a laugh as you squirm and laugh, desperately trying to fight back. When Daryl stops you scramble to the other end of the bed, breathing heavily as Daryl chuckles. As soon as you recovered you immediately crossed back over to Daryl and allowed him to pull you in for another hug. Daryl then decides it’s time for you to get some sleep when you let out a yawn and he stands up, letting you crawl under the covers before pulling them over you and making sure you have your toy so you can sleep. As Daryl turns to leave, he hears you speak up.

“Daryl? I love you.” You mumble sleepily, Daryl freezes in the doorway, he didn’t expect you to say that. Before turning the light off he turned around and gave you a small smile.

“Love ya too kid.” He replies, turning the light off and leaving the room, closing the door behind him allowing you to have a peaceful sleep. He returned to his own room thinking about what you just said, he didn’t expect you to grow attached to him after about a week but he was grateful that the group found you when they did because he couldn’t imagine not having you in his life, you improved his life for the better and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Stay With Me (Pt. 02 of 09)

Pairing: Daryl Dixon X Reader

Word count: 2.4 K

Summary: Daryl found you surrounded by the dead, stuck in the backseat of a car. You were wishing for death to take you away for quite a while now, but, as you slid back and forth into consciousness, there was only one thing keeping you alive. Him, the man with blue, worried eyes and kind voice. Your beaten up body was ready to give up, too wounded and broken to keep going. But this man, who went out of his way to save your life is the only thing in the world holding you up. And, because of him, you feel something you haven't felt in a very long time: hope. Wherever he's taking you, you want to get there, and not only to be buried. For what it feels like the very first time, you want to live. He takes you back to Alexandria, but even there, the nightmares and the terror from all the torture and pain you've been through keeps creeping closer, and Daryl, your hero, is the only one who can keep that all away.

Warnings: Mentions and description (not graphic) of past abuse; post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); some violence at the end of the story (a little bit graphic, but not so much); blood.

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{The Walking Dead Masterlist}

I want to thank my awesome friend @jodiereedus22 , who helped me (and still does) a lot to get this story done. She's also a writer and she's amazing so please go check her work!!

×

Fear

As much as you're trying to stay alive, to live, if there's still a life worth living, you have to admit it's hard. It's harder than dying. Death doesn't hurt this much, you think. It's been only a couple of days since Daryl brought you here, and if it wasn't for him, and also Carol, you wouldn't be able to do more than stay in bed.

Your body will take long to heal, says Denise, who comes every day to check on your wounds. The talking soon started. You often overhear Carol in the hall, muttering about how you don't talk. About what happened before. They know your wounds were inflicted. It's quite obvious. But you do talk, just not to her. You have exchanged some words with Daryl, not much though.

Today, after Carol helped you take a bath, you pull the blankets up, over your shoulders. You would like to wear pants, but the wound on your left leg is too deep, Denise said, bone-deep. So she doesn't want anything covering it, not wanting you to move in your sleep and cause the fabric to pull and squeeze it. You don't complain though. This wound is the worst, you soon realized. It doesn't mean the rest is any better, but the leg... It kills you. The painkillers only work for a couple of hours, and you have to endure the pain until you can have the next dose.

It's a nightmare.

It's only worse when you try to sleep.

Whenever you close your eyes, the memories overcome you. Keeping your eyes open in the darkness isn't much better. That's when you realized you don't have to be asleep to have nightmares.

“(Y/N).” Daryl's voice gets your attention, and you roll to lay on your back. He comes in, looking down at you, worried. As usual. “Carol told me ya don't wanna to go outside.”

That again. “No.” You mumble. Carol wants you to get some sunlight, on the porch. But you rather be in here, away from people's eyes.

“Why?”

Breathing heavily, you push yourself up, biting your tongue when pain takes over. Moving backward, you release the air you were holding when your back reaches the headrest.

“Ya need it. To soak in some vitamin D.” He furrows his eyebrows in the end, and you wonder if he's just repeating Carol's words. “Nobody here will hurt ya. Trust me.”

“Would you stay with me?” Your voice still sounds weak for not using it. Looking at your hands, you wonder if you should even ask this of him.

“Wouldn't ya feel more comfortable with Carol?”

Slowly, you shake your head no. Carol has been very kind, but still... You can't bring yourself to feel safe around her. Not completely.

“You don't have to.” Despite the constant need to be around Daryl, to feel safe, you can't force him to be around you. It's not fair. Clenching your hands into fists, you close your eyes. The thought of leaving this room without Daryl makes your whole body shake, tremble. “You don't have to. But I'll stay here. I-if someone out there sees me they will–”

“Hey, hey.” You feel the mattress moving, eyes opening, terror creeping over at the feeling of someone near you. But when you find Daryl's blue eyes, your whole body slows down, and you have to fight back the urge to touch him.

“I'm sorry.” The words come out, but not the sound.

There's a battle inside you. Maybe your mind is way too wrecked, as far as your body, and it's struggling to take a grip on reality. The only thing you know is that you can't go outside without Daryl. He will protect you, keep you safe from anyone who tries to hurt you. And without him... You're an easy prey. You always have been.

“That's not it. I just... I don't get why ya want me around.”

You don't understand him, why he sounds so... Sad. Desolated, even. You haven't noticed until now, but looking further, you recognize something in his eyes. Something you're sure people can see in you too. Pain. Suffering. A past that almost killed you, not only physically.

“You're my hero.” Whispering, you tell him, wondering if you've been looking for too long into his eyes. “I... I know you'll keep me safe.”

“C'mon then.” He finally says after almost a minute of silence.

You're starting to move, pushing your right leg to the floor with a groan when Daryl gestures for you to stop before picking you up. He's careful with the blanket, keeping it around you. A moan escapes your lips when a sharp pull makes your leg burn.

“Ya ok?” Eyes closed tightly, you nod. “Sorry.” He mutters before he starts walking. You finally get a look at the house. The walls are a light pale blue, with not much for decoration. Downstairs, the living room feels cozy, with two couches and a fireplace.

“You got her out!” Carol exclaims, causing you to cling more onto Daryl, heart racing suddenly. “It's good to see you down here, (Y/N).” She gets in your sight when Daryl turns a bit, coming from the kitchen with a smile on her face.

“Gonna stay out there with her.”

“That's good.” She happily nods. “The sun will warm you up.”

You know you should say something. Or smile. Somehow respond to her kindness, but you just can't. You just rest your head on Daryl's shoulder, a hand tugging on the collar of his shirt.

“Alright, let's go.” You're relieved when he starts moving again. Until you're outside.

The sunlight casts a soft, golden light on the street, and a cold wind messes with your hair. This is beautiful, peaceful if you consider the world you live in. But your eyes start looking for any signs of people, anxiety building up as Daryl puts you down on a wooden chair. When he let's go of you, your hands immediately grab the edge of the chair, so hard the muscles of your arms burn.

“Hey.” He calls, kneeling in front of you. “Relax.” Daryl takes both your hands, removing it from the chair. “I'll be right here with ya.” He then stands up, stepping back to lean against the white wooden railing.

With your eyes locked on his, you rest your back on the chair, taking a deep breath. It's good to be out, and the sunlight falling on your face and neck feels nice. You can't remember the last time you enjoyed it, the last time you even had the chance to just sit in the sun. Opening the blanket, you allow the sun to illuminate the skin of your arms. But your eyes start following the bruises, purple and greenish, the grazes and the scratches...

“Daryl.” An unknown voice gets your attention and you turn your head at the source. A man climbs the steps, and you start breathing fast. His beard reminds you of one of them. The one who smiled as he sliced your skin. “Is this (Y/N)?” His eyes fall on you.

How does he know your name?

When he steps in the porch, you look at Daryl, reaching out your hand. It takes a while until he understands, until his hand touches yours. Through the corner of your eyes, you see the man coming closer, and you need to hide, to run away.

In a jolt of adrenaline, you pull yourself up, almost stumbling down, your body finding no other way but to collide against Daryl's chest. A groan leaves your lips as you lose your breath and hide your face. Both your hands grab his shirt, all your weight on the right leg.

“Hey, ‘s alright.” His chest vibrates as he speaks, but you don't move, you just want to disappear, to stay away from whoever this man is.

“I don't get it.” The man says, making you flinch, tears already rolling down.

When your leg gives upholding you up, you almost fall, but Daryl is quick to hold you up. “ ‘S alright. C'mon.” He takes you in his arms again, and you hide your face on the crook of his neck, eyes tightly shut, as if it would make you disappear.

Your body shakes when a sob comes, the image of that bearded man filling your mind. ‘You'll beg me to do this to you in no time. You'll learn to enjoy the blade slicing your pretty skin open.’ He said, laughing, giggling. He holds you down, his body making it impossible for you to move.

“(Y/N).” Daryl's voice brings you back, and you notice you're in bed again, still holding on to him. “Look at me. Hey.” His hand comes to your face, but you can't open your eyes. “Ya need to listen to me. Yer safe here, I promise.”

“No.” You mumble, forcing yourself to look at him, his face close to yours, foreheads almost touching. “H-he looks like that man. He... He...” A hand comes to your side, to the cuts under your breast. “I need you to stay with me.” It comes out as a cry, voice cracking, sobs out of control. If he let's go of you, you'll break down. “Please. Please.”

“Slow down.” You feel his arms around you, and you curl up against his chest. “ ‘M right here with ya. Calm down.”

His arms are the only place you're safe. The only place you won't be hurt again.

“Daryl. Rick wants to speak to you.” Carol says, her voice low and soft, fading in the end.

“Tell him to wait,” Daryl mutters, a hand caressing your hair.

“I'll get her some water.”

“Alright.” He answers, pulling away. “(Y/N), look at me.” Blinking a few times to push the tears away, you meet his eyes. They look like the sky during summer, or like the ocean, steady and calm. “That was Rick. A friend of mine. He's been with us since the beginning, he would never hurt ya.”

“I... I...” Stuttering, you try to catch your breath. You don't know what to say, you just need to stay away from anyone who isn't Daryl. “Don't let him come here.”

“I won't. But I need ta’ see what he wants.” You immediately shake your head no, not wanting to be left alone. “I'll be right there.” He gestures at the door. “I'll be right there in the hall and then I'll come back ta’ stay with ya, 's that alright?”

No, it's not. “Ok.” You tell him, not hearing your own voice.

The cold creeps over your skin the moment he let go of you, so you pull the blankets closer, eyes on his back, on the wings... Until they disappear. Carol comes soon after with a glass of water, sitting on the bed and handing it over to you.

“Drink, (Y/N).” She urgers and you do as she says, hands shaking as you take a sip.

Daryl's low voice reaches you, along with another voice, from that man. Rick. He said he's name is Rick. You never learned the name of the one who cut you, they never allowed you to know anything about them. It was part of the torture, probably.

“She needs to be introduced to the group. They need to know who she is. Who she was before, you know that.” The man says, his voice coming from the hall outside the bedroom.

“She's wounded. Ya don't know how much.”

“I get it, but we take no exceptions. We can't. She's been here for days.”

“(Y/N) doesn't even talk yet.” Daryl raises his voice a little, annoyed. Your eyes are on the open door, waiting for him to return. “Something happened to her. People hurt her.”

“She speaks to you, doesn't she? I heard her–”

“She's not ready yet!” His thunder voice makes you shake a little, and you exchange a glance with Carol.

She gets up, moving to the door. “Could you take this downstairs?” She asks them, stepping back in and closing the door.

You start moving backward, a groan of pain escaping when your sore muscles complain. You wait for it, the noise of the door closing once again, soaking out the light, the click of the locks that imprison you in complete darkness. The cold that hovers over as you wait for the next day. The next one. The next torture.

“Don't.” Daryl's voice cuts in, a force of itself, pulling you away from the memory, back to reality. Daryl holds the door before it closes. “Keep it open.” You don't know how exactly he knows it, but you're happy he does.

Carol nods, returning to sit on the bed. “You two have something going on that I don't know about.” She mumbles, and you look down at your hands.

“She needs time and she'll have it. If Deanna wants to throw her out, tell her I'm out too.” Walking fast, he's soon back in the bedroom, gesturing for Rick to leave. Daryl's angry. You've never seen him angry. “Carol get out.” He mutters, not bothering with her eye roll. He stands beside the bed, and you reach for his hand.

“I'll talk to Rick. Put some sense into his head.”

He doesn't answer, sinking down on the mattress in front of you. His expression softens when you look into his eyes, the anger from seconds before vanishing. “Ya need to talk.” He begins, keeping his voice low. “Ya need to tell me what happened to ya. Who did this to ya.”

Blinking a few times to push the tears away, you look at your hands, clenching them into fists.

“If ya tell me, I will tell the group. Ya won't have to ever say it again.”

The last thing you want is to revisit all that happened. Your mind already does that, a lot, bringing you back to the place where you learned what real fear is. What pain and suffering are. The place where your worst nightmares had to flee. They were nothing compared to what happened there. And speaking of it is far worse. It brings it back to life all over again, make it happen all over again...

But it's better to tell Daryl then than to anyone else. This Rick or this group Daryl talks about. No, that you couldn't. If you tell Daryl, he'll understand. He'll keep you safe, keep you from ever going back there.

“Alright.” You mutter, taking a deep breath, feeling as your ribs ache when the air fills your lungs. Bracing yourself, you start.

×

@funeral-7 @heyyy-hey-babyyy @twdeadfanfic @soraitmnt @winchester-angel @bvbwestfall @shawtygonemad

[bethchapelsbonnet]

I Dont remember if it Was on you're Ways to Tell ILY Prompt list but might I suggest a "I Choose you" Hournite One shot?

I didn't see you interact with the original submission I answered, so I included it here

I Choose You

All of the fuss that Beth went through to try to compile each and every piece of evidence that someone may need in order to get Rick the heck out of that place was simply... Well - it was actually exhausting, but she never realized until she was at the end of her days.

The database was always excellent and as the official Dr. Mid-Nite, she had access to even more information.

Not what she truly needed - to be able to actually speak to Rick. To assess how he was doing. To at least hold his hand, which.. she was conflicted about that one in particular. She didn't understand why that idea kept coming to her when she and Rick never actually really touched each other that way.

Casually - pats on the back or holding each other back in a fight, but nothing so intimate as hand holding. Maybe it was her renewed self confidence. She had chosen herself. And now, she was choosing Rick. 

They didn't allow any of them to see him. He was currently being held at a juvenile center, assigned a caseworker and a child advocate attorney, with an ongoing investigation about his uncle and his home life. But, Beth found out the names of everyone involved in his case and she was sending them documents, school reports, and everything that she could scrape up to prove that Rick was in a dangerous household and had been abused and mistreated. 

It was her hope that they would all see it was self defense and go easy on him. Courtney and Pat had tried to explain to her that Eclipso was controlling him. It wasn't self defense. It was just a terrible mind game.

Not too long ago, they were pressing her to accept murdering a bad guy… but suddenly, when it's THIS bad guy… who didn't even DIE, they were willing to accept Rick turning himself in and being put away? "It's what Rick wanted, to be held accountable.."

"He didn't DO it! It was Eclipso!" Beth had snapped at Courtney. Courtney's eyes went wide and she got quiet. Of course she knew that and she didn't deserve Beth being rude with her, either, but Beth was too frustrated to tell herself that at the moment and Rick wasn't around…

She called him anyway, as she stormed out. 

"Rick!" She took a deep breath, "You don't deserve to be held responsible for something that you didn't do wrong!" She noticed Courtney in the corner of her eye and whispered, "There's nothing you need to be held accountable for and I'm working on helping you get out. Just… I hope you aren't too hard on yourself." She hung up and looked at Courtney.

"I watched him run around, hallucinating, breaking down as he was attacked by something that we couldn't see… it was like with Yolanda, only someone did get hurt. I didn't want to have to see that again and it wasn't easy to let Rick confess, but what else could we do? What would you have done differently?"

Beth wanted to say that she wouldn't have let him out of her sight, that she would have talked to him until he was back down to Earth..  but as a firm believer in herself, some part of her knew that Courtney didn't have that type of power. Beth was the one who could stop Rick in his tracks and make him think for a moment. 

"What about when you see a dead 10 year old girl? Would you have been able to use your head in that moment and stop him from reacting?"

Beth sniffled and wiped her face, "If I was here, I know that I could have fixed this. I know that I could have talked him down. He listens to me. It's different with us. And with Eclipso… it's personal now."

.

Rick heard about an "adorable but incredibly annoying" girl who spoonfed a lot of information to his case worker and his advocate. They didn't have to describe her. He did initially automatically think Courtney, since that was who saw him last on the outside and that's who annoyed him more than any girl he knew…

But when they spoke about legal documents, school incidents and cases and studies of similar cases..  He knew that they meant Beth. A lot of her findings needed to be double checked by the proper authorities and his advocate would need to speak with a judge, but it was looking like Rick may be entitled to psychological treatment from years of abuse that resulted in him finally lashing back.

He wanted to argue with that, but in a way.. that felt like some type of hope and he couldn't say there wasn't truth in it. Whatever Beth had done, he finally felt some peace of mind, since coming here…

.

The court order to grant him a placement took shorter than he thought, even though it still felt super long. The Chapels weren't foster parents, but thanks to some… creative documentation on Beth's part, they were able to be listed as family friends to whom custody could be signed over.

He would be trying for emancipation, but in the meantime, he had a place to sleep and eat and stuff… and Beth was there.

"How did you manage to pull this off?" Rick wondered, more confused than grateful, but she didn't take it to heart. She smiled and tapped her goggles. "Of course…" he stared at his bags on the floor. "Did you get the full story?"

"I got Courtney and Pat's side of it. You don't have to tell me, but in your own time, if you want to, you can." She handed him some mail, "I filled out your paperwork and sent it in. You've gotten at least one response."

"My paperwork?"

She winced, "I totally trespassed into your car and home, scanning everything and looking for something to help me. I traced punched in walls, I took an inventory of the alcohol in there, you name it. I also found the forms that you had for college and financial aid. I took them with me, but also wondered what they were doing there. So I checked on cell phone records and saw that Miss Woods-" she rolled her eyes when she said her name. (She wasn't fond of how cruelly that woman had treated Rick, and she didn't mind saying so), "Had been there. I figured she was the one who gave those to you, went to pay her a visit and questioned her until she told me about what happened earlier. She had seen your uncle and he was belligerent and drinking. I told her that I would speak to your advocate in order to see if that was usable information. It was. She made for a very dependable character reference."

Rick looked stunned. He didn't know what to say, but eventually landed on, "Why am I at your house and not at Pat's? I don't even know your parents and they probably aren't pleased about what happened." 

"Well, I believe that I've managed to do quite the PR campaign for you when I was making my rounds to see if anybody had recollection of witnessing your uncle be unkind to you. A lot of people have been quiet about things that they should have spoken up about… myself included.." she lowered her head, "I noticed bruises on you sometimes at lunch when we weren't friends and I guessed that they weren't from some school fight, otherwise, the school would know." She looked up at him and her eyes were brimming with tears, "All of us made choices to mind our business and just leave you to fend for yourself. Everybody's been feeling pretty guilty that it came to… that.."

She cleared her throat, "There's enough going on at Courtney's house, and Yolanda's isn't an option. I couldn't let you wind up at the group home. Artemis is there. The last time you two saw each other, you almost killed one another. I thought my home was the best choice. It's safe, there's just me here. My parents believed me when I vouched for you, so they would be acting like wardens or anything, and I just… I feel better knowing that if something happens, I'll be there."

He sat down on the guest bed and twiddled his thumbs, "That's just it. If something happens, I… I no longer have the hourglass. I won't be able to protect you fully."

"I can protect myself," she said, sitting next to him. "Just wait until you hear my Eclipso story."

"Your what?"

"He attacked me the same time that he attacked you…" Rick looked terrified as he checked her over for damages. "It's a long story, but I'm fine. It went very differently for me than it did for you." She looked sad for a moment. I think he must've known."

He was confused. Beth looked him in the eyes through her goggles, "That we protect each other. That you fight for me and I fight for you. I felt so victorious when I was able to take my goggles back from me and solidify my place on the team… the. I found out he had gotten to my Rick…" 

His heart jumped in his chest and he stared at her. He reached for her goggles but she shook her head and he withdrew his hands. "It wasn't anything to do with you."

"No, but had I been there…"

"Then you could have gotten hurt or had to see me become the very kind of monster that I hate!" 

She furrowed her eyebrows and she grabbed his hand, harder than she meant to, but that demanded his attention and he stared at her face, "If I had been there, you would've had the extra strength you needed to see through him. I wouldn't have let you fight. Please believe me when I say that I'm sure I could have talked some sense into you. I could have saved you from thinking that you're a monster. Because you aren't a monster, Rick. You're a kid who was in a situation that most of us can't fathom, and when you needed me, I wasn't there." He started crying and shook his head. "I'll understand if you want to stay with Mr. Dugan instead…"

"No. No.."He had told Grundy that day that he just needed someone to care about him, to be kind to him, and he could be alright. Rick was so caught up in the stress of his uncle, he hadn't thought about how he did have someone like that. He had his friends, the Dugans, and he had Beth. She had done all of this, because she felt like she'd failed him. Like she was supposed to protect him. She wasn't obligated to do that, but the fact that she wanted to, that she tried to. 

Hell, she was even correct about being able to talk him down. He didn't know if she could have that night, but as much as she meant to him… he couldn't rule out that what if. He collected her hand to his heart and said extremely softly, "I choose you." 

@futurewriterwannebe

[bleh-bleh-blehs]

Home

Mob!Tom Holland x Reader

A/N- Finally! So I am back with a shitty ending to my shitty fic. I am really sorry if anyone doesn’t like it. Feedback will be appreciated :) and requests are open!

Warning- feelings, mentions of death, angst

word count- 2.6k

Home or whatever people called the place where they belong. You were going there, after waiting for your whole life you were finally going to meet your parents. Your real parents who you thought were dead. You learned everything about your abduction from Tom.  

And now you were going to finally meet them; your real parents. You were finally going to your actual house. You can’t help but feel overexcited. Tom on the other couldn’t even describe what he was feeling. 

“Hey, we are leaving tomorrow. Get some rest.” Harrion told Tom through the office door. He entered the office upon hearing no snarky comment. He found Tom sitting on his chair; eyes red from crying, hair disheveled, a whiskey bottle in his hand and air pods plucked in his ears. 

Harrison was shocked to find Tom like this. The man that made others cry was crying himself today. Tom paid no attention to his best mate. Tired of his shit Harrison snatched his phone to turn the music down. 

“You have been listening to ‘Let her go’ on repeat? Oh my god Tom what is wrong with? When did you become this love sick puppy? What happened to that playboy, who hooked up with any girl he wanted? Uh? And I am damn sure that you haven’t confessed to her too. What are you..”

“Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!” Tom shouted, running his hands through his hair. “Why do you think she would ever be with me. I am not her knight in shining armor, okay. And she would run away from me once she is aware of my deeds.” Tom believes that you will never love him. 

“Tom she knows what you do for living, and her feelings for you are completely obvious. You are just stupid…” 

“No Harrison! She still gets nightmares about you and Harry beating her; nightmares about her foster parents beating her. She would be scared of me when she finds why everyone is so scared of me.” Harrison was not clearly amused by Tom cutting him off in the middle of the sentence. While Tom was just being anxious. 

“Aren’t you the one that calms her after every single nightmare? Aren’t you the one that makes her feel safe? Come on Tom only time will tell. Her past will only haunt her and I feel guilty that I gave her more ptsd. But you made her some good memories with her too right? And it’s not like you will never meet her again after she reunites with her family. You can still keep tabs on her right? Just tell her before it’s too late.” Harrison sighed at the end. 

“Wow! I can’t believe you are talking so sensibly. Who did this to you, mate? When did you start to talk like a mature person?” Tom couldn’t control his laughter while Harrison just rolled his eyes. 

“Hahaha very funny. I don’t know, maybe Stacy made me a mature man.” Harrison chuckled. “Yeah, yeah. Now get out of here you div.” Tom snatched his phone back from Haz’s hand. 

“I am going but you better think what I told you.” Harrison made a serious face.

“Get out!” Tom said while smiling. Just tell her before it’s too late. As if it was that easy. 

*

When Tom finally decided it was half past 1am. Lazily he made way towards his room but stopped in front of your room. Thinking whether he should check up at you or not. And decided that he should leave you alone. And kept on walking.   

What he did not expect, was you sitting on the armchair beside his bed. It was clear that you were waiting for him. But why!

“Hey Tom.” you said as you sat straight. “I thought you would be asleep right now.”  Tom wondered out loud. “I can’t sleep. I am too excited to sleep. And you were the only awake at this hour. So I thought I could talk to you.” you said cheerfully. There was not a single ounce of sleep in your eyes. 

“Alright what do you wanna know about?” he asked while taking a seat on the armchair beside you.

 “I don’t know. We never talked about your parents right?” 

“We never have. What do you wanna know?” all of tom’s tiredness vanished with you excitement. 

“Everything! Like how are they? How are parents in general?” 

“They are amazing. Best parents i could ever ask for. My father is a strict man and he was the one who forced me to take after him; he is an amazing father though. He loves my mum a lot. I have three brothers, Harry lives here with me but Sam lives with mum, dad and Paddy. just in case if they need him.”

“I didn’t know about your youngest brother. Why did you never tell me about him?” you gave Tom a questioning look. 

“You never asked.” Tom said simply.

“Why does he never visit here? How old is he?” you asked. You have seen Sam around a lot.

“Mum doesn’t like homecoming here, mainly because of the exposure to the danger. He's sixteen, can’t defend himself quite yet.'' Honestly Tom missed his brother. He just wanted to spend some time with Paddy like he used too. 

“I don’t know if I have siblings. Guess I will find tomorrow.” you chuckled. You looked at Tom as before you left the room. Really looked at him. Taking in his features. He looked tired; eyes were a bit swollen and red.

You could smell the alcohol off him. Over and all he looked tired. He stood up too. Slowly walking towards his closet. “Tom?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you have anything to say to me?” he had. He wanted to confess to you. Wanted to tell you everything then and there. But he was not brave enough. Harrison’s words went spiral through his brain again and again.  

And there you stood waiting for him to say anything. You were not ever even sure what you wanted him to say. Tom came out of the closet and stared at you for what seems like forever. You can see that he was in deep thought. 

“I will miss you Y/N.” he finally said. You smiled, a little disappointed. You have no idea what you want him to say. “I’ll miss you too, Tom.” with that you finally left his room. Leaving Tom with his thoughts

*

Was much more dreadful for Tom. You were leaving. He felt like he was drowning. He was sad, yes but what he felt wasn’t sadness only. It was a mixture of emotions. Emotions he can’t name. He never felt this uneasiness before. 

On the other hand you felt the same. Excited to meet your birth parents. Not wanting to leave the mansion you once dreaded. Not wanting to leave Tom. Slightly scared because you were not sure about your parents reaction. There are many possibilities that they might not be as good as thought. 

And there was a strange tingling in your guts that made you feel uneasy. But you put it all aside. 

“Harry, you take the other car and Stacy, you are going with him. Just maintain some distance. Look out for danger. Inform me if you find anything suspicious. Alright?” with that everybody left for their vehicle. 

The whole ride was eerily quiet. No one uttered a word. You sneaked a glance at Tom; his face was completely emotionless. He noticed you staring but did nothing about it. He never felt these many emotions at once. 

He didn’t want you to go. But he had to. He can’t be this selfish now can he? You were finally getting what you always wanted. A family. Parents you always wanted. He can't replace them but he was the one who found them, he was the one reuniting you with them. And that is the biggest thing he could do for anyone. 

Your hometown was not far from London. It only took two hours of driving to reach there. 

You started to grow nervous as you reached the residential area.  The retardation in the speed of the car indicated that you had reached your destination. The car eventually stopped in front of a small cozy house. 

This was it. You were finally going to meet  your parents. You always imagined this moment but can't really believe that it is happening in real life.

“Y/N.” Tom’s voice brought you back from your thoughts. 

“Humm.” you hummed; not knowing how to reply. You composed your posture. Trying to get hold on your thoughts. This is now or never. You thought. And got out of the car. The boys did the same.

Harrison called Stacy to ask when they would be here. While Tom came to stand near you. “How are you feeling?” he asked. That was the worst question ever. You had no answer to it. You couldn’t describe your emotions that easily. 

But before you could answer Tom’s phone rang. The screen lit up with ‘Adam’s name’, you knew who he was. Adam was the most trusted person in the mob. No one could compete with his loyalty for Tom. 

Tom immediately answered the phone. Adam never directly called Tom unless it was an emergency. 

“What is it?” Tomasked rather harshly. To be honest, Tom didn’t want anyone to drag him to work today. He didn’t want to put his brain through that stress on top of his feelings. 

“Sir, sir, please don’t go to that place. The L/Ns were killed years ago. Rick is a mole, sir.” 

“Get in the car.” Tom shouted. He opened the door and pushed you in before getting in himself. Harison took the driver's seat. And then you saw any people coming out of their hiding places. All armed. 

“What is happening?” Harry’s voice came from the phone. “Drive! Harrison. Drive!” Tom shouted on top of his lungs. The people now started to circle the car. You have never been this scared in your whole life. 

The people started to shoot; making you more scared. Tom brought his arms around your body protectively. You leaned into his touch. Hiding your face in the crook of his neck. Your whole body was shaking with fear. Clutching Tom’s clothes. You were never so grateful for the bulletproof car till now. 

“We are attacked, Harry. Turn back the car.” you heard Harrison say. But Tom hasn't said a single word. You were sure that those people were following your car. What about your parents though? You heard Adam said something about them but you weren't sure but you knew that they were. Maybe your gut feeling was telling you about this. 

You finally opened your eyes when the car stopped moving. “What happened?” Tom asked while checking for danger. “I don’t think that the car can take more damage.”

“So do you think that we’re gonna run barefoot from here?” “No! But the car will blast and we should start running if we don’t wanna die.” both of them argued back and forth. “Stop! What are we gonna do now? What about Stacy and Harry?” you had tears in your eyes.  

“We are gonna and they are safe.” Harrison answered, looking for any trace of danger. “We are completely outnumbered, we have no chance of putting up a fight against them.  Therefore, we are gonna run without looking back.” Tom explained to you. 

“One the count of three.” he held up his three fingers. All of you prepared yourself for running. “One.” he held your hand tightly. “Two.” you swear to the god that your heart will burst out because of the speed of every beat. “Three.” a fire was shot. 

All you felt was pain. You were sure that it originated from your lower abdomen. But course through your whole body. All you was Tom’s face, you tried to focus his and you connected hands, his skin. Tried to take his beautiful features in. 

“You know where he grew weak boys.” an annoying voice said. “He became weak for enemies when he made his feelings completely obvious for this girl.” the man spoke again. He walked closer and closer, cockng his gun at Tom’s head. 

“Any last words, thomas?” he laughed overdramatically. Tom leaned in to give your forehead a kiss. “I am so sorry, love.” he mumbled, his lips still pressed at your forehead. 

You closed your eyes. Thinking that this was the end. You didn’t want to see Tom get shot. You heard multiple bullets fired. Way too many bullets to kill two men. 

“Let’s get out of here, boss.” you were not fully in your consciousness but you recognized the voice. It belonged to Adam. “we have to take her to hospital.” Tom’s voice was desperate. He got a hold on his tears. After all he couldn’t cry in front of his men. 

* 

You reached the hospital in no time. The doctors took you to remove the bullet and top the bleeding. Despite being scared shitless one nurse came to update Tom about your condition. Which was very critical. You have lost a lot of blood and the chances of you recovering were very thin.

“I should have said it, Haz.” Tom finally let his emotions take control. “I should have told her about my feelings. And now it’s too late. I’m gonna lose her.” Tom sobbed on Harrison’s shoulder, hugging him tightly. 

“It’s alright, she’s gonna be fine. You have a lot of time with her.”

“You think so?” 

“I know so.” Tom chuckled. “Mr. Holland.” This time the doctor came to talk to them. “The patient is out of danger. She is resting right now. You can meet her just don't wake her up.” the doctor smiled awkwardly and left. 

“Go meet her. This is your chance. Tell her everything.” Harrison motivated him.

With that Tom left to meet you.

*

This is it. Tom thought that this was another chance he had with you. But he knew that he fucked up. He putted your life in danger and most important of all that he made you believe that you parents were alive. 

“Y/N. i'm so sorry, love. I  put you through this all and I-” Tom never cried this hard for anyone. “And I just couldn’t man up and tell you about my feelings. I-I made you believe that your parents are alive-  I couldn't keep you safe-” Tom collapsed on the floor. 

“I never thought I would love anyone the way I love you, Y/N. And i am really sorry for everything-” he tried to get up; using the bed for support. 

“I hope you forgive me.” he pleaded and leaned in to kiss your forehead. 

“I hate it when you kiss my forehead when no one is stopping from kissing my lips.” you smirked while Tom stood there in shock. 

“Hi baby. Please don’t beat yourself for everything that has happened to me. You only protected me or tried to. And my parents, I know how to live without them. You, Stacy and surprisingly the boys are my family. And I love you too.” Tom smiled at your confession. 

“You little shit, you were listening to me the whole time.” Tom accused. “And what were you saying about kissing you on the lips. Huh?” 

“Kiss me on the lips, tommy.” you giggled as Tom kissed you on the lips. Both of you sighing at the feeling. Meanwhile Harrison, Stacy and Harry watched you both from the door. 

“Don’t you think watching them make out is creepy and gross.” Harry made a face in disgust. “Shut up Harry! My baby boo is in love.” Stacy said while weeping. 

In the end you stayed with your real family.

Permanent taglist (including one shot and series and both tom and pete):-@calltothewild // @fancyxparker  // @pearly-pisces // @justanothermarvelmaniac // @sarcasticallywitty15 //

Tom Holland taglist (both one shot and series):-  

@justanamesstuff​

Innocent taglist:-

@uwucorpse

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 15 reactions; *nobby nobbs voice* ‘s all gone a bit percychological, sir

 - so from both chapter 6 and now this: rick famuyiwa is incredible at portraying prolonged discomfort and tension (and also at getting din’s endless love for that baby across through the stress of being separated from him. this is the very first episode with no baby in it at all, isn’t it? wow that’s a heartbreaking milestone to reach im crying)

I liked this episode SO MUCH but I had to pause it pretty often and take a breather because it all made me so viscerally uncomfortable on din’s behalf -- not just the armour and having to take the helmet off and be seen for the (almost, ilu IG-11) first time in decades, people keep touching him in this episode when he clearly doesn’t want them to but can’t stop it and it makes me want to claw my own skin off in sympathy, it’s so awful. that’s really neat film making to manage to keep that tension steady almost all the way through!!! 

honestly this episode felt a little bit like psychological horror, with the cheering storm troopers and din in the wrong armour and clearly not digging it and there’s the palpable absence of baby and that ever present dread of being Perceived when you’re not ready for it; everything’s turned upside down from how it should be. and it’s playing with that discomfort both in the main character and in us, the audience, in having the familiar be made unfamiliar and also introducing these questions that shake up everything (that feeling you get of ‘but... if it’s not the helmet, and not the armour, but there’s his face, but we’ve only seen that face once before so it’s still basically new to us, is this... is this still him. is this still Dad’ (oooh I wonder if we’re... sort of getting some of the ??? the baby would be feeling about it too?) we’ve all imprinted on that t-shaped visor like little baby birds, and this was a very clever episode to break us out of that and start to really get used to the thought of him having several faces that are real simultaneously, in a way, and not just a voice. it’s all very smart and interesting and I’m sure I’ll have a lot of incoherent thoughts about this in the weeks to come lol)    

- the actual reason din can’t take off the helmet is that if people were able to see his wide confused puppy eyes they would no longer find it in themselves to send him on long arduous side missions and would help him immediately just so he’d feel better, and that would rob us of like 80% of the content for this show 

mayfeld in this episode: clearly a casualty of this. he literally sees one glimpse of the vulnerability there and then within five seconds goes on to materialize a few redeeming character traits after being a complete jackass for an episode and a half. (I mean. he was 100% still an imperial so I’m a bit ‘hm.’ about how easily especially cara let him off the hook, but with the way it was set up I guess it would have been quite shitty of them to just throw him back in prison so I mean I GUESS. I would be endlessly grateful someone got my awkward bff out of there alive and well too I suppose)

- I actually think din’s sense/integrity of self has gotten so much stronger and more resilient (though probably still quite fragile pls handle with care precious cargo within); if this had happened in the first season I think it might honestly just have killed him (and if it weren’t for IG-11 it probably would have lol)

- can you beLIEVE din is so bad at lying that they literally should plan for contingencies over it fjkasdlhfskajdhfsdj     

- very grateful for the scene with the spear throw that’s basically there to reassure us ‘uh-huh, he absolutely knows how to use it, don’t worry about that part at least’

I want to make a whole post about that fight scene, though, it’s just so GOOD! there’s so much storytelling and characterization in it! even out of the armour din has some real hand to hand MOVES!! he clearly came out of that aching all over, he can barely get back in his seat!!!

- so what I’m mainly taking away from this is that din absolutely cuts his own hair and you know what? he does a good job considering the conditions he has to work under, I love him  

I still find it so goddamn darling that he meticulously maintains that little mustache/stubble combo under there even when there’s every reason to believe no one will ever see it 

I suppose we can also gather that he did not ask cobb about whatever insane feat of magic he’s come up with to avoid helmet hair, but I don’t care looking a bit frazzled and tousled is exactly right for him (he’s so put together when he’s in the armour and a MESS when he’s out of it and I  l o v e  it) 

- boba fett is honestly so fucking hot in this I don’t know what to do with myself haha. he’s so CALM and CALCULATED and COLLECTED in his newly painted armour and he’s GOT THIS and he made that ‘I’ve got one of those faces. one of jango’s many, many, many faces’ joke and he’s so thicc now, he looks like he could easily lift me over his head with one hand and he’s just quietly steady and undramatically supportive and sdalfhsdjhfsa 

- ...din does know who the clone troopers were, right. I mean of course he does. he has to. but does he though. I’m sure he does and just wasn’t thinking. 

- no matter how stressful it was I’m still really grateful that in the end taking the helmet off was something din got to do himself -- it’s under some duress, but it’s still his choice and for the sake of the baby, and almost in two more manageable steps between putting on the storm trooper gear for a different helmet before taking it off altogether. it’s not something done to him by gideon, for example, that would be. so much yuckier and worse. he still has that control and agency intact, even if it’s been tested really hard, and now gideon doing that doesn’t hold the exact same nightmarish power anymore because there’s already a little space opened in din’s mind for different things it can mean, if you see what I mean. I’m not sure I see what I mean actually I just have a lot of feelings haha. so I guess thank you mayfeld for being decent about it and helping him towards that realization that he can still be himself outside these really really inflexible structures he’s set up around himself for like. stability and keeping himself upright for a really long time, and that even someone halfway decent won’t disrespect the boundaries he still has about it at any given moment. man there’s a lot in this episode isn’t there

- the sigh din gave when he saw even more pirates coming and knew he had to get back up... never has a single moment in cinema better captured how I feel about being alive. most relatable man in the world din djarin

- it was really cruel of them to make me listen to din’s dead bleak voice say ‘the child is gone’ again, it wrecks my heart every goddamn time 

- again... I wish carano wasn’t Like That in real life because the cara & fennec scenes should have been everything I could ever dream. ah well fennec was still wonderful and if I just allow myself to think in-universe for a few seconds it was really touching that din would entrust cara with his entire armour, that’s some prime BrOTP energy right there

I love that we got two female characters who were just allies and working together, no competition or nothin’. listen the bar is low but it’s nice to see something actually leap gracefully over it as well lol

- this was one of those with some pretty big open plot holes (why, exactly, would a scan of a completely unknown face be helpful to get into this classified system lol), but a) I don’t care, the emotional storyline was so sound it doesn’t really matter and b) eh handwave handwave let’s say mayfeld programmed that little stick with the good shit and overrode the code saying there needed to be an identity match within the system, it’s all fine 

- I know I joke a lot about this but din really is one of the most relatable characters I’ve ever had. just watching him struggle with eye contact and going pretty much nonverbal under enough stress is like. wow a bit close to home there could we, perhaps, nOT?? (honestly though these are trauma/anxiety things I really don’t see portrayed a lot, especially in protagonists, it’s so odd but healing to see it in a character I love and who’s EXTREMELY competent in many other settings)

- din repeating gideon’s speech back to him word for word (except for the crucial detail that he calls grogu ‘him’ instead of ‘it’ 😭😭😭) and saying nothing else is truly Everything. I’ve said some stuff about din’s deliberate and thoughtful relationship to language in the past and this is such an amazing example of it; he’s remembered that pitch perfect all this time, he’s kept it around in his head and mulled it over and then redeployed it to change the meaning of it completely from dehumanization to love. can you. can you even imagine. and it’s yet another example of his hilarious wonderful petty streak and I can never get enough of it fasjhdfkjalhs    

- din always noticing the children first and foremost Y_______Y (the kids running by is the only thing you see him sort of acknowledge when he’s walking into the covert in season 1 too)  

- please... please I just need him to be able to hold that baby against his chest all safe and sound and okay again I can’t it’s........ hh

NO SEASON END CLIFF HANGER ON THIS I AM  B E G G I N G  YOU 

- I would be having some thoughts about how much space there actually is on slave 1 and what that might mean (do not kill boba again please don’t kill him again), but honestly there’s only ‘GET BABY’ hours in here now, I can’t speculate about anything