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fleetwoodmak99 · 4 years ago

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Long Past Dawn

Eric Draven x reader

This is requested from @sister-morticia "Hi!! Can I please request an Eric Draven x reader whump with lots of hurt and comfort/worried!Eric? I need some caring fluff! Thank you!! ☺️" I had so much fun working on this!!! I'll be posting a part 2 as hcs of the aftermath soon. It will focus more on the comforting aspects. Also I’m really sorry this is long.

WARNINGS: Panic attacks, hyperventilating, serious wounds, gun violence, mentions of blood, depression, talks of deep sadness, death, resurrection, paranoia, explosions, and fainting.

SUMMARY: It has been a year since you lost your lover, Eric Draven. While you have managed to get by, it has been extremely difficult. After having a particularly hard night, you decide it might be a good idea to go for a walk to release some steam, only to fall upon a danger situation.

Its been a entire year since you had lost the love of your life, Eric Draven.

It was around Halloween. The leaves on the trees were starting to change from green to orange and yellow as the air turned cool.

Halloween used to be Eric’s favorite time of the year. Always making a big deal about it with lots of horror movie marathons and tons of candy. Now, you had none of that.

No celebrating, no watching horror movies all night, no eating a bunch of candy, no Eric.

Even though it had been a whole year since that dark night, it still haunted your every waking thought.

Every day seemed to bring a new struggle. The worst of it being at night. The pain of losing Eric broke you down to the point where you could do nothing but spend most nights crying.

Anxiety making itself known at every turn. Always worried that the men responsible for taking the life of your lover and leaving you for dead will one day realize you aren't and come after you.

Memories of that night plagued your dreams often. Seeing flashes of T-Birds gang breaking through the door of your shared apartment and attacking you while you were cooking dinner.

The panic consuming your chest becoming too overpowering as you relived that night over and over again. Jolting awake in a pile of sweat when it became too much. Feeling your stomach turn to the sickening thoughts roaming around in your head.

You tried to calm your thoughts. You really did. But the terror that filled your chest was too powerful.

A strong force making you leave the warmth of your bed in an attempt to ease your mind. Pacing around the room, completely lost in thought.

Are they going to come after me? Will they want to harm me?

The demanding thoughts running through your head was starting to cause a wave of nausea to wash over your body.

No. They don't know you are alive. They would have come after you if they had.

You were lucky enough to get Sergeant Albrecht assigned to your case. He was the only one on the force who was kind to you.

Albrecht helped you stay under the radar until you were able to get enough money to move far, far away. The main problem being that you couldn't find a good steady income that would get you out of this hell hole while not blowing your cover, creating the never ending cycle of being trapped in the city. Being doomed to live here forever with no escape.

Still, you felt an overwhelming ache in your stomach every time you thought of Top Dollar still being out there, controlling most of the violence in the city. Hoping that the brutality won't one day unleash on you.

Knowing that it went against the rules you had started following in an attempt to protect yourself further, you decided it might be a good idea to go for a quick late night walk. Noting the dangers of what you might be doing, but it was your last attempt to ease your anxieties and distract you from the pain.

Hoping that the fresh cool air will be a jolt to your system, you grabbed a light jacket and black high tops, placing it over your pajamas and venturing out into the night.

Stepping out of the safety of the apartment building and into the bitter cold. Feeling the tip of your fingers and toes already starting to turn into ice. Still, you were determined to complete your walk as it has always been a good way of distraction you from your intrusive thoughts.

With that being said, the streets of Detroit certainly looked different at night. Feeling a thick layer of sorrow and rage in the air. It being so thick it became difficult to breath.

Choosing to ignore it, you kept walking.

A smile spreading across your lips when you see a group of children in Halloween costumes running with bags of candy in their hands, laughing as they did so.

Curiosity taking over as to why children would be out this late on Devil’s Night. Seeing as you did much worse things when you were a kid, you let it slide.

Either way, you began to have doubts if this was a good idea, deciding it might be time to head back and hide from the world once more.

Turning around and walking the other way, you could already feel a wave of relief washing over you as you made your way back only for your heart to be ripped out of your chest when a booming explosion erupted just up the road. A burst of light blinding you as the ground rumbled.

The sudden event sending you onto the ground, holding your heads up to your head in an attempt to protect yourself from the eruption.

Trying your best to focus on what exactly was happening as the light started to dim into small flames and a bundle of smoke coming from an old abandoned building.

At first, you wanted to run the other way. Knowing that this was most likely the work of Top Dollar or some other big mob boss trying to cause some havoc in an already broken city.

Yet when you tried to get up, you remained planted on the ground. Your body being completely immobilized and without breath.

As you tried getting your strength back, you started to hear a faint scream coming from up the road. Your thoughts immediately going to the children you had seen giggling to each other just moments ago.

You tried remembering which way they had went. Hoping that they were far away from the building now engulfed in flames but after hearing more yelling, you knew you had to make sure no one was hurt or worse.

With a new found determination, you felt yourself starting to grow stronger, experiencing a rush of adrenaline fueling your body.

This time when attempting to get up, you were able to get onto your feet. Your legs still feeling weak, you forced yourself not to waste time and move towards the very thing you made you shake.

Getting closer to the fire, you could start to feel the heat coming from the flames. Inspecting the building, you couldn't see anyone inside. In fact, you couldn't see anyone at all.

You thought for sure the police or at least the fire department would be on their way considering it was a Devil’s Night tradition for the whole city to burn. Yet no one was there. It was almost unnatural.

You were pulled from your thoughts when you heard not a scream but groaning, murmuring and the collusion of masses coming from the back side of another building.

With caution, you started to make your way towards the sounds. Leaning on another building for support, gaining distance from the heat.

Hearing the unknown sounds starting to grow louder and louder, you could see the silhouette of different bodies laying on the ground. You didn't know if they were dead or unconscious.

Deciding to grab a nearby wooden stick. Just in case.

Two men suddenly bursting in front of you, struggling against each other. They rolled around the dirt floor, one trying to get the upper hand on the other. Both eventually getting up and starting to throw hands.

You couldn't decide whether to intervene and try to break them up or start running, but once again your body worked against you. Forcing your mind to turn blank and stay in place. Making you now watch the whole thing go down.

At first glance, you couldn't recognized who the men were yet you couldn't help the strange feeling that you were meant to be here. Somehow this was related to you. You felt it deep down.

You tried analyzing them as they continued, trying your best not to be seen.

One of the men was a lot shorter than the other and had greasy shaggy dark brown hair underneath a worn out black knit hat with baggy clothes.

While the other one taller, and more muscular. Mostly wearing tight fit leather. His dark brown hair was longer than the other one, resting just above his shoulders. Black and white paint covering his face as some type of mask.

His hits being more calculated and precise going against the others, who was becoming more and more sloppy by the minute.

As the two men start to taunt each other. Somehow neither seemed to notice you as you stood there in fear. Your heart sinking when you hear one of the men starting to speak. You recognized that voice, clear as day.

The short man was Skank. He was apart of T-Bird's gang, who worked for none other than Top Dollar.

Shit. You need to leave now.

Finally, you were able to slowly make yourself move backwards as your feet stumbled on themselves. You tried your best not to make any noise, not even risking breathing. You couldn't help your eyes from being glued to them.

"I-I know you. You're that guy we had to straighten out cause you and your partner were protesting Top Dollar's tenant relocation program. B-But you're supposed to be dead. We killed you, dead." Skank mumbled, slightly laughing in disbelief at the end.

This made you stop. Your body turning cold.

You knew exactly what he was talking about. Remember a few months before the attack, gathering other tenants to protest. But that wasn't what was making your nerves go wild.

It was who Skank was fighting with.

No. There was no way. He has to be talking about someone else.

You didn't even want to think of the possibility of seeing Eric again. Knowing that there was no possible way that could ever happen.

But why did he look so familiar? When you heard the strangers voice, deep down you knew.

"I guess not all things that die, stay dead." His voice was deep and raspy, showing off his classic sarcasm that reminded you of Eric before his death.

How could this be happening? There was no way that could be Eric. No way.

As your thoughts battled it out in your head as to if this was a dream or not, Skank began to laugh hysterically like he was losing his mind as well. Slowly starting to move his hand behind his back to retrieve the loaded gun resting on his waistband.

While you hadn't noticed, Eric did. Giving off an eerie smile before springing into action, darting right for Skank.

Not being quick enough as a gun shot ring out, causing you to let out a small shriek. Placing your hands upon your ears in an attempt to shelter them from the sharp pain booming through it. Dropping the wooden stick in the process. Closing your eyes to try and hid yourself, knowing fully well that it was useless.

Not being able to contain your breath anymore, you started to hyperventilate. Trying your best to get your breath under control but finding it almost impossible as it kept escaping you.

Not even realizing that the two men had turned their attention to you. Eric taking a second glance as he couldn't believe his eye. He was in complete disbelief that it was you standing right there. Eric assumed you died as well that night, seeing you there made his blood drain from his face.

As the pain in your ears started to die down, you slowly forced your eyes open. Blinking a few times before getting a clear picture as to what was going on. Seeing the two men wrestling to take control of the gun. Eric grabbing at Skank's face, trying to block his vision. Somehow Eric seemed completely fine for being just fired upon.

Was he hit at all? Was he hurt?

Panic fueling your body to run but when you looked at Eric, you knew that wasn't going to be possible.

Now you needed answers.

What was he doing here? How is he alive? How long has he been alive? A day? The whole year?

Not knowing if it was the sense of curiosity or the excitement of seeing Eric in the flesh that made your heart pound. Being completely convinced that this was all just a dream.

Hearing another bang piercing through your ears once again, causing your body to flinch out of instinct. All this followed by a tight pressure coming from the side of your thigh. Even though it wasn’t painful, it was still enough to send your body to the cold ground.

At first not realizing why until you began to see a pool of red liquid starting to collect underneath your leg. Knowing fully well now that you were Skank's target. Lucky for you, he has terrible aim.

Hearing who you assumed to be Eric and Shank struggle against each other once again but you couldn't find the courage to look away from your wound.

Now feeling a strong burning sensation beginning to form on the right side of your thigh, pinpointing exactly where a bullet had ripped itself through your leg. Leaving a nickel sized hole in its place.

Quickly placing your hand on it, in an attempt to somehow ease the intense feeling that throbbed through your entire leg. Feeling a wet sticky substance slipping through your fingers.

Your body starting to jitter uncontrollably as darkness began to form around the edges of your vision. The world starting to go blurry around you.

A comforting hand suddenly resting on top of yours, causing you to jerk yourself back. Only for you to make eye contact with the worried gray eyes of Eric.

A sense of relief washing over you, a small smile resting on your lips. Quickly fading, when he applied a slight pressure to your injury, trying to stop the bleeding. Causing the pain to become more intense.

Your thoughts moving to Skank, hoping he was no longer a threat. You scanned the area, your sight landing on him running down the alleyway and disappearing as he rounded the corner of a building. Your vision starting to become more and more faint as you tried to focus.

You felt a gentle hand caressing your cheek, pulling your sight back to Eric.

"I need you to stay awake, y/n." You could hear the panic in Eric’s voice.

You tried to respond.

You wanted to tell him you were trying, that you missed him, that you loved him. Yet nothing but a slight whine came out.

The energy starting to leave your body as a dull ache started to form at the back of your head. Losing all control off your body as it went limp.

The darkness completely consuming your vision as your heart pounded.

Eventually not fighting it anymore and allowing sleep to take over as the world disappeared. The last thing you remembered was hearing Eric calling your name.

#eric draven x reader #eric draven #the crow imagine #eric draven imagine #the crow

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ms-demeanor · 5 years ago

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You know what’s funny is whenever I make a tech post I get people going “this is blatantly untrue” and I get people going “this is really good information and everyone needs to know it” and the dividing line is how much time you spend with people who are tech literate.

Yep, I would tell my computer savvy friends where they could get keycaps and fix their keyboards; I don’t even have to bother telling my computer savvy friends how to run a fifteen year old laptop because we’re all pretty good at it.

But GODDAMN I just read a response to my “cheap computer season” post that claimed that it was totally reasonable to run a macbook from 2010 and

Look.

That’s not a reasonable thing to tell a student who needs a functional computer to do research and write papers. (have fun trying to find installation discs from when the OS was still named after cats and have fun trying to get a browser to get along with that OS)

You know why most people bring me laptops with missing keys? Because the key got ripped off by their two-year-old and damaged the soldering in the keyboard and I have no idea it’s going to be “oh, yeah, that’s a ten dollar fix” or “sorry, that’s going to be an hour and a half to disassemble and reassemble and we’ll have to order you a new keyboard specific to that model out of new old stock” and the thing is the second one is much, much, much more common in my experience than the first.

Do I think you need to replace a laptop when the bezel is cracked? No. I also don’t carry my laptop powered on in the bag with a flashdrive sticking out of the USB port. Customers do weird things that I don’t understand and when a customer tells me they want me to fix the bezel they think it’s a twenty-dollar snap-on repair because they have no idea how this works and then they get mad at me when I explain “no, you’ve gotta have this specific piece of plastic, these haven’t been made in five years, and you might be better off buying a used model online than trying to track down a new bezel.”

So here’s the thing: Can Macs get viruses?

There are three answers here.

“No, of course not, Macs are made to be virus-proof”

“Macs need antivirus protection because, while it is less common than infections for PCs, there are types of malware that can infect macs and it’s worthwhile to guard against that”

“tEcHnIcAlLy a virus has to be self-replicating and IOS’s file management system [or some other bullshit] prevents that so TECHNICALLY Macs can’t get viruses and what you need is anti-malware software if you need anything because you’re fairly likely to have security through obscurity”

I’m aware of the third position and voicing the second position to people who believe the first position.

YES TECHNICALLY YOU CAN KEEP A COMPUTER RUNNING INDEFINITELY AND YES IT’S TOTALLY POSSIBLE YOUR LAPTOP WILL LAST TEN YEARS.

“Well if you treat it right and run it well it’ll be in great shape for a long time”

YES THAT IS CORRECT DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PEOPLE WHO DON’T WORK ON THEIR OWN CARS DRIVE AROUND WITH THE OIL CHANGE LIGHT ON FOR MONTHS?!?

Tons of people in the world today use computers. They use computers every day, they use computers at home and at school and at work.

Tons of people drive every day. They use cars for fun and for commuting and for their jobs.

That doesn’t mean that all (or even most, or even half) of the people using these things is any good at keeping them running, or even has the barest idea of how to start tracking down a problem.

Someone in the notes of that post described a green line on their screen and thought that was a symptom of hard drive problems. I don’t have the hours in the day to catch this person up to speed on why a display issue on a laptop isn’t indicative of hard drive issues.

Do you know how much people think it’s going to cost to get data off of a broken drive? Not “won’t power up” not “won’t spin” but “I dropped this and part fell off and now it won’t power up or spin and also the platter is chipped”? I’m going to have to send that shit to a clean room and the customer is *staggered* that it might cost more than a hundred dollars to get their data. “Outrageous, what kind of blackmail operation are you trying to run here, just plug it in and get my pictures.”

A year or so ago I was at Jiffy Lube (ew). I’d been shooting the shit with the mechanic when a parent and child rolled in in a panic. And they should have been panicking! They’d thrown a fucking rod because they’d been driving with no oil in the car for god knows how long because neither of them had had the oil changed in the two years they’d owned the vehicle.

*I* can keep a 30-year-old car running. I can put a belt back on an engine in a dark parking lot with a wrench and a headlamp. I can drop a gas tank and replace my fuel filter and thumb my nose at the mechanics who tried to upsell me on “replacing your old, worn-out air filter” the day after I’d popped a new one into my truck.

These folks couldn’t keep a new car running with three alarms telling them what was wrong.

*I* can power up my 2005 macbook running Leopard and use garage band to record a song or do some design work on my copy of Adobe CS3; I can kludge its FF3.5 browser into playing nice with the internet and accept that it’s going to be a slow piece of shit.

The lady who called me confused by the fact that the password to her email was different than the login information for her grocery store rewards account will not be able to function if she gets a pop-up that says she’s using an outdated browser and will think it’s a virus if her bank won’t let her log in on that browser.

And you know what, I’m kind of sick of this attitude.

I would *fucking adore it* if computers were actually easy to repair; I’d love it if you could run new OSs on old hardware (especially on macs because I think apple are kind of shitheads about planned obsolescence).

But you know what, no, most people *CAN’T* reasonably expect to use a ten-year-old computer and have pleasant experience of it. It’s going to run slow. It’s going to shut down when they don’t want it to. The battery is going to swell slightly with the heat and your touchpad is going to go nuts. Your USB ports will stop working. Standard wear and tear that most people don’t know how to protect against and don’t know how to repair is going to make it harder to use AND software requirements will outstrip the hardware capabilities of the computer.

If your old computer sucks it’s not your fault. If you can’t happily use a 10-year-old laptop to do your homework that’s okay, it wasn’t designed for you to use it that way and YOU SHOULDN’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.

Because that’s kind of what a lot of these “well anybody should realistically be able to run a laptop from 2010″ responses comes down to: if you need new hardware you’re just not doing it right. If you have to replace your computer you didn’t make good choices when you bought it. If your battery dies it’s because you didn’t take care of it.

No. No. No. No.

This shit is A) designed to fail and B) actually really hard to keep running (hey how many blown capacitors do you think someone has to have on their motherboard before you say it’s not their fault for wanting to replace the laptop)

ALSO SOMEONE IN THE RESPONSES OF THAT POST LITERALLY SAID THAT IF YOUR BATTERY DIED AT THREE YEARS IT WAS BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T DOING THE DRAIN CHARGE CYCLE RIGHT AND FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. It’s discharge cycles and heat, motherfucker; they are going to fail at some point and people shouldn’t feel bad if their batteries stop working after a couple years.

UGH.

You shouldn’t have to be a mechanic. You shouldn’t have to be a computer technician. Yeah, your shit will last longer if you know how to take care of it but, fuck. Imagine you were still using internet speeds from 2010. Imagine all your devices still had USB 2.0. Imagine you couldn’t log onto your online bank because your hardware won’t run he software that your bank recognizes because the hardware manufacturer decided it won’t support the older hardware.

What I was trying to get across in that initial post was “computers fail, and they fail pretty frequently; your life will be better and you will save money if you plan on replacing them at a regular interval and have reasonable expectations in terms of cost and failure. So buy a cheap computer now because you’re probably going to need one at some point”

And now I’ve got to Do A Yell about how there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism and it’s unreasonable to expect tired, overworked, broke people to become experts in computer repair in order to do their homework or play the goose game.

FUCK THAT.

IT’S CHEAP COMPUTER SEASON MOTHERFUCKERS. LAPTOP FAILURE RATES INCREASE AT THREE TO FIVE YEARS AND DESKTOP FAILURE RATES INCREASE AT FIVE TO SEVEN YEARS. RIGHT NOW THERE ARE DISCOUNTS ON NEW COMPUTERS AND IT’S CHEAP TO GET AN EXTENDED WARRANTY.

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER AND WORK ON COMPUTERS IF YOU WANNA AND PLAN TO REPLACE REGULARLY IF YOU DON’T WANT TO WORK ON COMPUTERS.

ALSO CHANGE YOUR FUCKING OIL YOU’RE PROBABLY DUE.

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kingofthewilderwest · 3 years ago

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Are you really happy without the conventional work? How do you deal with feeling like a failure compared to your peers? How the fuck do i adult i'm so tierd and stressed and don't know what i'm doing

I'm really sorry about how tired, stressed, and uncertain you may be feeling. <3 That's really hard stuff to feel. And I mean that with every ounce of sympathy I wish I could express better beyond this stiff text. Sending you all the love.

I am happier without doing conventional work. It might be less stable because my jobs are short-term, and the instability does make me nervous, but I feel like it has more pros than cons for my personal happiness. It will not be for everyone, though, and I would not recommend it for everyone.

I'm assuming when you ask about feeling like a failure, it's both in concern to how I feel with it, and how you might feel yourself. <3 <3 I hope that this answer ends up helping. It's the best I can try. <3

As for myself, I don't for a second believe I am a failure. I've always been a cocky bitch, and here the cockiness reigns supreme: I'm pretty awesome whether I do anything or not. When I'm exhausted and unhappy and Depression takes over (and hooboy Depression can take over like demon possession), my mind might stray to unbearable self-hate and self-deprecation, but I argue against those voices rather than let them enter my everyday language about myself. (It's a dangerous habit to ever repeatedly insult yourself; it ingrains those thoughts in you worse, it really does.)

There's nothing that makes me a failure compared to my old peers. They're pursuing jobs that society traditional deems "successful." So what? They're irrelevant to me and my life, and my life is irrelevant to them. Society's ideas of what is and isn't good has always been complete bullshit anyway... why should I care if I amount anything to what broader society feels? Broader society is stupid and I don't give a damn about it. I'm not saying this out of bitterness or rejection or something; I honestly don't care because it's irrelevant to me.

I'm here to pursue myself, pursue what I personally like. If I feel happier, if I make a milestone that's relevant to me and myself and I, then that's awesome. In many ways, if I'm different than my old peers and not following into their notion of success, then I know I'm doing right by myself. ;) It's proof of my own growth, isn't it?

The truth of the matter is, nobody is a failure for being different than someone else. Every person has a different life path. I know for many people, they are more self-conscious about how the world around them operates, how the world sees them. If the world doesn't find them successful, beautiful, etc., they feel like shit. Maybe you feel self-conscious about not meshing with society or being "as good as" other people around you. And I'm here to say: your life is your life. <3 <3 I know it can be hard to stop comparing yourself with others, but in the end, I do believe we have to understand our own innate value is permanent. Our value is there no matter what. You are beautiful. Period. There's no ifs, ands, buts, accomplishments, actions, or choices that will change the fact you are innately incredible. <3

The people whose heart meshes with yours, the people who lift you up, those are the people that matter, and those people will never believe you're a failure. Those people will see you as the diamond you are. If people judge you and are cruel to you for that, then their voices are the irrelevant ones to be discarded, because they aren't valuing you, and so they don't have good life advice or good values. There's no value listening to idiots, fools, and castigators. Now, that's not to say that good friends and acquaintances won't tell you you're doing something wrong or struggling or making a bad choice... a good friend is someone who protects you by speaking honestly and warning you if they think you're stumbling... but they aren't going to put you down as some failure, either. They're there to help you move forward with your life's journey for yourself.

We all struggle. We all stumble. We all fall. We all fuck up. We all get tired. We all don't know what we're doing. We all flail around aimlessly. We all make the wrong choice. We all look "better" to outside viewers than we see of ourselves. We see the sloppiest parts of ourselves whereas most others don't, so that's why it's easy to be the most critical with yourself and start bashing on yourself. But I guarantee that my peers, shiny as their PhDs might look, have probably had nights where they've cried into their pillows, or been frazzled, or been at bad low points, or wished they were anyone else. And I wish them the best and emotional security, but what it means is: we're all some level of fucked up anyway. Some people have worse struggles than others, and that needs to be respectfully recognized, but at the end of the day, we're all human and we all struggle and our pains are all real things we experience. The pain is real and it's valid to feel bad over it. The best we can do is give ourselves a break, stop tormenting ourselves internally over our natural inability to be perfect, and when we have the strength, to give love and support to others so they don't stumble as bad as we did.

I want to relate to you by saying... I think I was constantly clueless, confused, anxious, and apprehensive in the first half of my twenties. It sucked and I'm sorry if things suck for you.

Somehow....... I think a switch was flipped somewhere when I got more years of "adulthood" under way. The switch flipped from "I hate that I don't know what I'm doing" to "ehhh, whatever, life is life." Now, it's not to say I'm more organized. I'm not. My refrigerator has more mold than food. There's a horrible smell coming from the kitchen sink where water's been resting in a dirty pot for several days. My laundry is scattered all over the floor and I've run out of pairs of clean underwear... ran out several days ago. Don't ask what I'm wearing. I don't know the last time I've vacuumed and my place looks like a tornado zone. It took me several months to have the mental energy to schedule my first COVID shot, and I often have to cancel my banjo lessons like an unreliable buttfart because something Came Up In Life Just Now. In many ways, my life is still a chaos zone. I think I'm getting better (I've earned a ton of money in my savings account the last two years, victory!!! I'm no longer living month-to-month!!!). But I just want to say in all this.... it's okay. It's not preferable that my house is disorganized piles of crap on the floor, but I can continue to live. If we manage to wake up, get ourselves food, do hours of work, then we have achieved adulthood, and everything else is icing on the cake.

In the end, I think "stability" in adulthood is being semi-comfortable with instability. Adulthood just means handling unstable shit, and if we're novices with it, so be it. Maybe as your life goes forward, things will be less tiring and less confusing. Maybe things will be more stable. Or maybe not. Maybe the same problems will keep coming around. But I think adulthood is the ability to accept that these problems come around, and handle them, even if you aren't 100% a master at the novel circumstances.

And over time, I do believe it gets easier. <3 It takes more to rock the boat. It takes more to daunt you. The things that were initially anxiety-causing become a part of everyday affairs, and when a new novel circumstance comes up, you're more mentally prepared to try on something new. I encourage you to keep at it, my friend. I hope things feel better over time. It's okay that you aren't sure what you're doing right now. Maybe someone can help you in the present day. Maybe in the future you'll know what you're doing with tasks that previously confused you. Maybe in the future, the new weird tasks won't feel as daunting. Adulthood is weird and we don't know what we're doing, but that doesn't mean that life is going to fuck us through that.

In the end, you will still have beauty in your life. No matter what, beauty will exist in its simplest forms, and the simplest forms are the best. You don't need to achieve anything to get there. You don't need to be put together (although being put together is nice and something I want to help my friends feel <3 ). You don't need to look impressive in society. If you see a beautiful sunset, if you see a cluster of cute mushrooms, if you pet a cat or dog or animal of your choice, if you spend twenty minutes talking with your friend on voice call, if you read a good book for half an hour in the morning, if you buy yourself a tasty $4 drink to treat yourself, then your adult life is worth it, and your adult life is enough. <3

#uff-dah and like always I fail at brief #long post #sending you love friend and hopefully this doesn't accidentally come off weird tone-wise in any way <3 #blabbing Haddock #hope something okay was said in there #non-dragons #my life #ask #ask me #awesome anonymous friend #anonymous

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emy-loves-you · 4 years ago

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Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays Chapter 10

Protective Snek meets Tired Boi (With Flowers!)

Chapter 9 | Masterlist | Chapter 11

Warnings: crying, mentions of sex, mentions of lying and mistrust

(Jan 2nd)

V- (10:20 AM) Hey Pat, what do you want for your birthday?

P- (10:21 AM) I don’t need anything big, Kiddo. Just another drawing from you would be amazing :)

V- (10:21 AM) Is there nothing that you would be happy with me buying you?

P- (10:22 AM) Well, I like flowers!

L- (10:22 AM) No you don’t. None of us have gardening skills and you cry every time they wilt.

P- (10:22 AM) I still like them! We’ll just have to try harder this time!

Virgil thought for a few minutes before smirking. He exited the chat and opened up a chat with Janus and Remus.

V- (10:23 AM) Do either of you have the staff contacts from that charity event 2 months ago?

J- (10:23 AM) Perhaps

Re- (10:23 AM) Y the hell do you want them?

V- (10:24 AM) Do you remember the flowers that they were selling? I want to contact whoever they bought them from.

J- (10:24 AM) You mean like the one that Remus bought for me?

V- (10:25 AM) Yes, but less obscene colors.

Re- (10:25 AM) Wait let me guess

Re- (10:26 AM) “Princey’s” birthday was in July and “Lo” doesn’t seem like the flower type, so this is for “Pat,” isn’t it?

V- (10:26 AM) Do you have the fucking contact or not?

J- (10:27 AM) Even better. I have the address

V- (10:27 AM) Why the fuck do you have the address?

J- (10:27 AM) Remus TOTALLY didn’t break the original flower as soon as we got home.

Re- (10:28 AM) HEY! I tripped on YOUR stupid rug and it happened to end up crushed underneath me!

J- (10:28 AM) LEAVE THE RUG OUT OF THIS!

Virgil chuckled, eventually breaking up their argument so he could get the phone number and address. Once he had it, he called the shop and ordered a custom-made bouquet. They told him that it would be ready for pick-up in 2 weeks. He turned back to his crush’s chat.

V- (10:29 AM) Just finished ordering your gift.

P- (10:29 AM) What is it?!

V- (10:30 AM) It’s a surprise! Oh, and do you still have the vase that your chocolate bouquet was in?

P- (10:30 AM) Yeah, why?

V- (10:30 AM) You may wanna have it empty on your birthday :)

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(January 16th)

“So, where are we going?” Remus asked, chugging the rest of his Pepsi.

“To get Virgil’s flowers, darling. We’ve been over this.” Janus replied, adjusting his rearview mirror. Virgil laid in the back, fast asleep. Janus sighed. Virgil never got enough sleep, in his opinion. It was difficult to get Virgil fully asleep by 4 AM, and even then he was usually awake by 9 AM. Ever since he met his new “crushes,” Virgil had been getting better with his sleeping habits ( “Lo’s been trying to rope me into their sleeping schedule,” Virgil had admitted with a blush ); but he still didn’t sleep enough, in Janus’ humble opinion.

Speaking of crushes, Janus focused his eyes on the empty road as he thought about the three men who had stolen his best friend's heart. Pat, Lo, and Princey, Virgil called them. Not much to work with in terms of name, and no physical characteristics either. Janus was halfway convinced to stalk them (he knew where they lived, after all) but the thought of Virgil hating him for it shut up those thoughts immediately. Virgil already dealt with a ton of Janus bullshit without complaint, the least he could do is honor Virgil’s wish to keep his crushes anonymous. Even though Janus had no physical description to work off of, Virgil's offhand comments were enough for Janus to paint a decent picture of them.

"Princey," the first one that Virgil met. Extremely dramatic, probably light-headed and egotistical. The one that Janus ordered a katana for. A fucking katana. Why would he want a katana of all things? And those nicknames. His nicknames for Virgil were worse than Remus’, and that’s saying something. Though he was kind to Virgil in their interactions; at least, that’s what Virgil told him. Janus would have to keep a close eye on this one.

“Pat,” the one they were going to pick up flowers for. The so-called “Dad Friend” of the group. Called Virgil “Kiddo.” Mother-henned the shit out of him. Even though Virgil was their Sugar Daddy, Janus wouldn’t be surprised if they called Pat “Daddy” in bed. On the other hand, some of the things that Virgil said spoke otherwise. Pat’s love of stuffed animals, his goofy puns, his opinion against swearing; he sounded like a child in an adult body. An oxymoron, and someone that Janus will also have to keep an eye on.

And “Lo.” Possibly the one that Janus trusted the least out of the trio. Extremely serious. Chocolate addict. Has a fucking sleep schedule for his boyfriends. Probably a control freak. Works part-time at the library. Goes to the local college. More interested in space than the world around him. Probably even more egotistical than Princey. Spends the majority of his time arguing with others or chastising Virgil for spending money on them. Most likely to upset Virgil. One that Janus would definitely be keeping an eye on.

His grip on the steering wheel tightened. He would not let them hurt Virgil. And if they somehow did, well…

Some of Father’s old associates could still prove useful. They at least knew how to hide a body. Or three.

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(January 17th)

Janus triple-checked the address, making sure that he was at the right house. Virgil had needed a safe way to ship these flowers to Pat’s house without Pat finding out OR one of his crushes seeing his face. So, Janus agreed to be his delivery boy. It made sense; Deceit wore the most makeup AND he hissed every other line, so it was near impossible to be recognized out-of-costume. And if Janus got a good look at Virgil’s crushes… well, Virgil wasn’t here now, was he? Janus set the bouquet on the middle of the porch; far enough for the person to not accidentally knock it over on their way outside, but close enough to where it would be noticed and not accidentally fall off the edge. He tapped the door three times with the back of his knuckles and quickly turned around, making a beeline for his car. He intended on getting a glimpse of the man’s face as he drove away, hopefully seeing enough to be able to spot him off the college roster-

“Wait!” Janus stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t expect him to be that fast. There was a moment of silence before Janus heard a sigh. “You’re not Virgil, are you?”

He smirked. “Yes, I’m definitely Virgil. I just decided to knock on your door and increase the chances of you seeing me when I could’ve just texted me.”

The man sighed again. “You must be Janus, then. I assume that since you arrived specifically when Patton wouldn’t be home today, you came to drop off his birthday present.” There was a slight pause, probably meant for Janus to respond. Suddenly. There was a soft “Oh.” Janus couldn’t take it anymore; he turned around and his jaw dropped.

The man was tall, taller than any of the Dark Sides. He had dark brown hair, brushed neatly out of his face. He wore a pair of square glasses, which perfectly framed his dark blue eyes. He wore a black button-up shirt and dark wash jeans. A navy blue tie hung loosely around his neck. But what caught Janus’ attention was the look of pure adoration on his face as he looked at the flowers on the porch. His face was so open and kind, something that Janus never expected him to look like. Is this the look that Janus gave Remus when they were alone? If so, Janus now understood why Virgil didn’t want to be in their relationship. Just the look on Lo’s face was enough to make Janus feel excluded from their relationship. Suddenly, the adoration turned to a more mischievous look. “That’s why he wanted Patton to clean out that vase,” he said fondly, before shaking his head. “Do I even want to know how much Virgil spent on this?”

“Nope.” Janus made sure to keep his voice nonchalant, not showing any sign of weakness. He watched curiously as Logan did the same, schooling his expression before looking up at Janus. His eyes briefly flickered over to Janus’ scar, but other than that he paid no mind to it. Janus felt something rise within him; whether respect or irritation, he couldn’t tell. “Now’s the time where I must ask: what are your intentions with Virgil?” He made sure to keep an even tone, not wanting to influence Lo’s response.

Lo blinked, looking almost surprised, before his eyes dropped back to the flowers. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “On one hand, Virgil is an amazing person that I’ve now known for several months. I know that the others have wanted to ask him to join our relationship for a while. On the other hand, we know very little about him. Unless Virgil inherited this money, there’s no possible way that his only profession is commissioning art. What else has he lied about? How can I trust him, much less love him, if I don’t know when he’s lying to me?”

Janus slowly raised his left hand, using his right to cover his heart. “My name is Janus Williams. I swear to you my full honesty. Ask me anything that you don’t believe other than Virgil’s profession, and I will answer to the best of my ability.”

Lo rubbed a hand against his face- fuck, the guy was actually crying. “That’s the problem. I want to believe him; I want to read his texts and not feel even the slightest bit of skepticism. I want to eagerly accept him into our relationship, no questions asked. But I can’t!” He looked back up at Janus, the look in his eyes something that will pierce Janus’ soul for a long time. “I’ve spent the past 8 years taking care of my boyfriends. I can’t have Virgil hurt them, accidentally or on purpose! I will do anything to keep them safe, even if it means keeping Virgil away.”

Janus sighed, pitying the man in front of him. “Would you like some advice, Lo?” At Lo’s nod, he turned to walk away. “Virgil has no intention of ever harming you. He originally lied to you so that he wouldn’t get hurt or used. He’s never had to tell anyone this secret, and he’s never been one to easily trust others. I know you’ve already waited a long time, but please, be patient. He’ll come to you when he’s ready, I swear.” And with that, Janus got in his car and drove away. Once he got to the nearest available parking spot (located at a sickeningly sweet bakery) he pulled out his phone to text Virgil.

J- (2:12 PM) Package delivered

V- (2:12 PM) Thanks, man. Did they see you?

Janus paused. Should he tell Virgil about their encounter? Something told him that Lo wouldn’t mention their interaction to Virgil. If he did, then Janus would come clean. If not…

J- (2:13 PM) No, Virgil. The secret identities of your boy toys are safe.

V- (2:13 PM) Cool. I’ll let them know that it’s there.

And with that, Janus drove back home, where he can watch shitty romcoms and hopefully forget about the tired look in Lo’s eyes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P- (5:04 PM) Oh my gosh, I love these Kiddo!

R- (5:04 PM) What did he get you?

P- (5:05 PM) [*Photo Attachment*]

[The photo shows the light blue vase that Patton’s chocolate bouquet was in. The vase was filled with beautiful glass roses. They were mainly clear, with the tips of each petal either red, navy blue, sky blue, or violet.]

V- (5:05 PM) Now you can have flowers that'll never die. Happy Birthday, Pat.

P- (5:06 PM) Thank you SO much, Virgil!

V- (5:06 PM) :)

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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst

#sanders sides fic #useless gays #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders

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bluemoon-writer · 5 years ago

Text

Childhood Friends AU: MariKim Headcanons

In which Kim and Marinette are absolutely, 100%, ride or die friends and you can fight me on this

Part 2 Masterlist

their parents are best friends (I have many head cannons about this here)

-so they grew up together

-Kim knows Marinette is the sweetest person in the whole world

-they both have pretty busy schedules with Kim doing every known sport and Marinette doing everything else

-so they don’t hang out as much as they used to, but their families still get together once a week

-their parents are SUPER close, so they see each other as extended family of sorts

-meaning it’s damn near impossible for someone else to change their opinions of each other. Marinette will never think of Kim as stupid and egotistical, Kim could never be convinced that Mari is cowardly and weak.

-growing up they spent most of their free time together. They went to the same schools and were in the same class until they were nine (I don’t know French school years so I’m just using ages for now)

-then bad luck hit and they were put in separate classes for a couple years

-but, it was the same school, so they still ate lunch together.

-it actually made them closer for a while, since they were in different classes they would meet up at the end of the day and give each other a play by play of everything that happened that day. They didn’t keep any secrets from each other

-(well, Marinette kept one about a certain rich blonde)

-when grades started to actually mean something, they began studying together

-either Marinette would go to Kim’s for dinner and to study (and play video games) or Kim would go to Marinettes

-Kim didn’t have dinner at home for a month once bc he didn’t feel like walking all the way to his house before he could eat when Marinette’s is right there

-when Marinette started getting into fashion she started by designing clothes for Kim, because his fashion sense was atrocious

-she was only six though so her designs weren’t that great either, but Kim would still try to make and wear all of them

-many blankets were sacrificed for his cause

-now, after many years of practice, all of his athletic clothes and sports uniforms are made by her.

-sometimes he’ll model outfits for her

-before she started crushing on Adrien, the only pictures of models she had up were those of Kim

-Kim has also spent some long Sundays acting as a clothing dummy

-Kim is the sole reason Marinette didn’t trip and die as a child. Even as a kid, Marinette had a tendency to get absorbed in thought and Kim’s quick reflexes stopped her from walking into traffic numerous times.

-one year Kim bought her a gymnastics mat to put at the foot of her staircase in case she falls down the stairs

-Kim’s really protective of Marinette, though he doesn’t express it, bc he’s not the best with communicating emotions.

-his one weakness is Chloe, she’s been his crush since he was eight years old, and was, though she’ll deny it, his first kiss.

-he’s shocked on the first day to see Chloe being mean to Marinette

-Chloe wasn’t like that when they were kids and Marinette never told him about her being mean so he’s confused

-His crush on Chloe starts shrinking that day, though it doesn’t go away completely until Dark Cupid

-Kim, despite his dumb jock stereotype, is pretty smart. He looks out for Marinette without seeming like he is

-and tho he doesn’t think he needs looking out for, Marinette looks after him too

-this mostly involves making sure he doesn’t forget things, which he does often

-Kim once came to class in his swimwear, but luckily Marinette had brought his sweats when he forgot them

-once a month Marinette sits down with Kim and makes a detailed schedule of the month for him

-he always makes her schedule in time for them to hang out

-Marinette keeps a copy of the schedule and goes to every single one of Kim’s home games for every sport he plays. She tries to make it to his away games and tournaments too, but sometimes they’re not in Paris and she can’t leave the city

-she also sits through some of his practices, though she usually does homework or works on her designs

-Kim doesn’t mind, it just makes him happy that she cares enough to be there

-He tries to get her to join a team so that he can go to her games and cheer for her like she does for him.

-she turns him down, but does start working out with him before class MWF.

-He’s disappointed, but happy to spend more time together, and jazzed about exercising together when he realizes how jacked Mari is

-he playfully pouts that she’s been working out without him

-he is genuinely sad that she doesn’t join a team tho, bc sometimes he feels like he doesn’t do as much for her as she does for him

-Mari supports in everything, even the stupid dares and bets he makes

-Kim asks if she thinks he can run to the Eiffel Tower faster than a car, she doesn’t hesitate to say ‘Absolutely’

-the entire class disagrees

“Marinette, don’t encourage him anymore!”

-Alix ends up challenging him to actually do it

-Marinette tells the class to meet at the front of the school at 4:30, right at the beginning of rush hour.

-Kim wins of course

-The only bets Marinette doesn’t throw all of her energy behind supporting Kim are the ones that are impossible or ones that would get other people hurt

-when one of these occurs Marinette just challenges Kim to a better challenge

“I bet if I get a trampoline I can jump to the moon!”

“People have already been to the moon, but I bet you can’t jump to the second floor in the courtyard”

-Kim gets caught up in the adrenaline of challenges and sometimes goes too far

-he uses Marinette as a bit of a judge to see when he going to far

-so he really wants to support her more

-Hes ecstatic when she runs for class president

-he loudly supports every plan she has

-when she eventually opens an online commission store, Kim tells literally everyone he knows

-he hands out business cards to members of rival sport teams and tells them to go fix their uniforms

-before she started making money off commissions Kim would sometimes buy her supplies with his allowance

-one time Kim was at her house playing video games with Tom while Marinette was making a dress and she panicked bc she was almost out of the thread she was using to embroider it

-Kim ran and got more in ten minutes flat

-from then on whenever he was over at her house he’d take inventory of her supplies and run to get more of whatever she was close to running out of

-her parents like for her to work at the bakery a few times a week, which is inconvient when she’s in the middle of a big commission or project

-so sometimes Kim will cover them for her.

-he steals a pair of buggy pink pajama pants Marinette has, though they’re tight on him, pulls on one of Toms old T-shirts, that is much too big for him, and a black rain coat. He clips two pieces of string to his hair and then heads to the bakery

“Hey dad! I’m here to help!”

“Uh, Kim? What are you…wearing?”

“Kim? No, I’m your daughter Marinette! Don’t you recognize me? See, I have ponytails and everything”

-Tom just sighs and puts him to work, but not before making him remove the fake ponytails

“Can’t risk them falling into the dough, thats a health violation.”

-Marinette always bakes Kim a shit ton of sweets when he does this, even though he always leaves with more pastries than he can carry.

-She vows to go to more of his practices bc she feels like she could do more for him

-they really love each other

-but, the class hasn’t realized how close they really are

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #le chien kim #ml #mlb #marikim #ml headcanon #miraculous ladybug au #childhood friends au #ml salt #ladybug and chat noir #my story

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i-did · 4 years ago

Note

I love your hc about kevin being bisexual aromantic and the part about his relationship with thea! I like hows it not just a "they lived happily ever after" situation, it feels more realistic. You also mentioned how you have some ideas for seth? I'd love to hear them!

Yeah! I'm not super into happily ever afters, I men to an extent sure, but for me they're so unrealistic that it pulls me out. I like how in aftg the happily ever after is that neil gets to live and hes with andrew and just has to pay a shit ton of money but we know that doesnt matter to him. Outside of context that doesn't seem very happily ever after, and I like it. It seems achievable and realistic while still romantic.

I think Kevin loves thea and thea loves Kevin, but out of habit and as partners with shared truama more than anything to do with the person themselves. Thea might not even love kevin romantically and he doesn't love her romantically but they don't really know that. And you don't need to know that because you don't need it. They fight and everything and have struggles but don't ever split up imo.

Okay seth ideas:

I have a lot of ideas for seth, I headcanon his mom was Vietnamese and his dad was white. He grew up with a racist dad who instilled toxic masculinity into him especially as an Asian man and then his dad dipped leaving him with insecurity of not being manly enough as well as abandonment issues. His mom worked a lot a lot a lot a lot to keep them afloat, he had a lot of brothers and the hierarchy was enforced with rough housing, the 2 oldest brothers suddenly parents. None of the kids ever got Vietnamese names legally because the dad wouldn't want them to have "funny sounding names" but the mom occasionally called them pet names, seth was hoping after the dad dipped at least their mom would finally be able to teach them more Vietnamese to close the barrier between them, her finally being able to speak in the language she was most comfortable in, but she was too busy and communication was always simple and shallow.

The whole EC deal with seth, the same family who left him giving him bigger abandonment issues etc etc

What seth looks like in my mind:

Obviosly he looks half Vietnamese half white, but he's a skinny lanky guy with a tooth gap he used to stick dumdum lolipop stick in between when he was little, he's got ashy medium brown hair, its dark when grown out but lightens a bit in the sun, he is one of those people with a lot of moles and freckles he got from his father. He used to be the guy who wore fake tapers and skate shoes, basket ball shorts, and a monster energy drink snap back. He starts to just wear tee shirts and jeans and takes out the fake tapers. He's got nobby knees and elbows he bangs on things and he swears everytime.

If Seth Lived:

Him and allison would have broken up a few more times until one really explosive fight and she says "I can't do this anymore" and he says "I know" and she says "I'm not going to leave you" and he says nothing.

She realizes staying friends with your ex was a promise she couldn't quite keep as much as she wanted to. They drift apart. He relapses but this time Kevin finds him. He's out the rest of the season for rehab, getting his degree online and Wymack pleads with them to let him keep scholarship. They cut him off. Wymack pays for what he can before seth can say no, and just drops off a bunch of applications for scholarships and says "I'm not letting you quit." And someone doesn't leave him.

He becomes a social worker. He actually really loves it. He reconnects with 2 out of his ~7 brothers. One of them died and he didn't even know, and he wishes for a second it was him instead, before remembering that they haven't talked in at least 10 years.

He becomes less homophobic but will still say anything to make someone hurt if he hates them, but he becomes less explosive and more worn out. The second hand trauma from being a social worker weighs on him and kne of his coworkers opens up about talking to someone. Their job doesn't cover therapy. He goes to AA and NA meetings. He's not relapsing, but its free therapy and he knows if he feels tempted he could get a sponsor.

He beats the shit out of someone outside one of the meetings who was trying to sell to the people coming out (he runs away and doesn't get caught,)

He goes on a dating website half assed at around 40 years old.

He meets a woman who is also on there half assed. She's very blunt and it reminds him of allison, but she's no frills and they come from the same type of world. He can relate to her and they don't have screaming matches that start with him refusing to take a gift of a 1200 dollar dress shirt when his from Ross is just fine.

5th date in he tells her he's sober and she says "why don't you think we've never gone to a bar?" And he realizes she's sober too.

10th date she says "i know this was fun, but I have a son and I can't be casual anymore. You have to be in or out."

And he thinks about it. And they talk about it. And he says he's in.

Its years of dating until the mom decides its steady enough to meet the son. He's 12 and says "you're not my new dad" and seth laughs, and the kid is confused, because he was trying to say something that would hurt.

His girlfriend becomes his fiance after she gets pregnant, not just because of the baby but because they've been dating for 6 years now and its been serious. Its a miscarriage and its hard, but they get though it.

Seth gets really close with the son even if he came in later into his life, he recognizes a lot of himself in the kid. He's never like a father to the kid, and seth isn't sure he knows what it means to love someone like a son, but he knows its pretty close and he tries to be the opposite of his dad.

They stay lower middle class their whole lives, her working her way up from grocery self stocker job she had at 16 to store manager just over time, him a social worker, in a cheaper town with not a lot to do, but they have a book shelf were they watch movies.

He turns on a game sometimes and quietly thinks to himself "what the fuck" about the one year of college exy he was benched the most possible drama happens. He'll say "I went to college with that kid" and she'll say "who? Scar face? Isn't he like famous or something?" And he'll say "yeah. He is"

She doesn't tell him he has to do anything he doesnt want to do, but she finds out he's been invited to multiple fox reunions where some of the attendees are rich as fuck athletes and says "i want them to pay for my meal" and so they go. They go in their Walmart dress clothes and they don't feel bad, they think rich people are stupid to spend so much when 20$ is enough for a shirt. Their son is in high school and can watch the house by himself.

Seth sticks to Matt, and then remembers that Dan was always more down to earth and his wife loves dan. Doesn't like the others so much besides Wymack and Matt a bit.

Its the only one they go to, but it reminds him to keep up with the man who had helped him out so much and he stays in contact with Wymack. He feels bad for drifting off but they talk. About once every few months, but its more than before.

Okay I'm ending it about here lol

#aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #tfc #ask #seth gordon #mailob #fig writes

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cafedanslanuit · 5 years ago

Text

I always wanted to marry rich || Jumin x MC (2/2)

genre; angst pairing; Jumin Han x MC notes; part two of two. read part one here. I finally wrote the last part! Honestly I had to rewrite it a couple of times because I wasn’t happy with how it ended. Now I finally do. Hope you like it! <3

~ ~ ~

“check your email”

Jumin didn’t even bother opening Seven’s text. He just read it on the notifications bar and opened his email app. He found a file with her future wife’s name and opened it. Two seconds later, his battery died out of the blue. Jumin sighed. The phone was charged, maybe it was starting to malfunction. He opened his laptop and his email. He printed the document Seven had sent so he could look over them more comfortably. Jumin poured himself a glass of wine and sat on the kitchen table.

MC’s bank account was rather small and the incomes where what he expected, savings from her last job she had told him about. She purchased small amounts in makeup stores, coffee places and other things. She had graduated top of her class at university in her homeland with a scholarship.

There were some pages about her estranged father. He was living in Spain and had remarried. He had two kids, ten and twelve. He hadn’t been in touch with MC or her mother apparently. There was a file about her mother. She was a teacher in South America and worked at a school. Jumin didn’t want to know how Seven got access to her bank account, but he had. She didn’t have much either and the purchases weren’t suspicious at all, MC seemed to send her money every chance she could.

Seven had even traced MC’s tweets back in her uni years. She had made some light-hearted jokes about being broke but nothing that made it seemed like she was planning something. Seven had been kind enough to write down some notes about those tweets not meaning a thing.

The last page was a message with Seven’s messy handwriting.

“Stop stressing! There’s nothing fishy about her”. There was a small drawing of a fish. Of course. “Happy wedding!”

Jumin sighed and crumpled the documents in his hand. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe it was an inside joke? Tons of possibilities were roaming around his head when he heard the door opening and MC’s heels making their way into the penthouse.

She quickly appeared in the kitchen and smiled at him.

“Buenas noches, amor” she teased him with a grin.

“Why did you say you always wanted to marry rich?” Jumin blurted.

MC’s smile fell abruptly.

“What? When did I--” her eyes went sideways, trying to remember. Then she opened her mouth in realisation. “Oh, okay. You listened to me and my mom. Okay” she sighed.

She left her purse on the kitchen table and sat in front of her fiancé, who was looking at her sternly. Never before had he looked at her that way and it made her feel really small. Like she had gotten herself in trouble. She took a deep breath before she could start explaining.

“Okay. You know my mom had serious money issues when I was growing up. So, since I was little she would always tell me to find a wealthy man, seduce him and marry him. That she didn’t want me to live poor all my life, not knowing what it was to not worry about not having enough money to pay all the bills at the end of the month.”

“So, that’s what you did” grunted Jumin, crossing his arms.

“Let me finish, please” MC asked. “Jumin, I’m not marrying you for your money. Let me finish my story, but you need to understand this more than anything. That’s not why I’m marrying you. I didn’t even want to get married in the first place!”

Jumin raised his eyebrows in surprise. MC covered her face with her hands.

“Shit, I’m only making it worse. I’m sorry, I-”

“There’s nothing to discuss here, then” he said, picking up the documents from the table and getting up. MC stood up in front of him quickly, preventing him to leave the kitchen.

“No. No! You’re going to listen to me. You owe me that, at least”.

“I don’t owe you anything”.

“Listen to me!” she pleaded, raising her voice, her eyes filling with tears. “Listen to me. Yes, that was her plan for me but I turned fifteen and decided I didn’t want to become anyone’s wife or depend on anyone. I didn’t want anyone to leave me like they left my mom! So I started studying, got a scholarship to a good university, graduated with honors. I was in between jobs when I joined the RFA. I wasn’t looking for anything. So yes, I didn’t want to get married and then I met you!” she cried.

MC’s face was now full with tears, messing up her make-up. She took another deep breath and wiped her face with the back of her hand. Jumin’s expression softened and embraced her, burying his face on her hair. The soft strawberry aroma broke his heart, how could have he thought this woman, who had shown nothing but love to him was capable to feign that love because she only wanted money?

“But you changed my mind” MC kept talking, her face against his suit. “You changed my mind about wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone. It was not about they money, it was never about the money” she softly pushed Jumin away and looked up at him. “I don’t care. It’s okay, I’ll sign anything”.

“Sign?” Jumin asked, confused.

“Yes, those are from a prenup agreement, right?” she said, looking at the documents Jumin still had in his hand. “C’mon, it’s okay. I’ll sign them right now, I don’t care”.

She took the documents from Jumin before he could stop her. Right when he was about to take them back from his fiancée, her face changed drastically.

“Is this… my bank account?” she asked softly.

“MC, give them back” Jumin said, taking a step forward, but she took a step back.

Her eyes went back and forth the documents, searching through the pages she had in hand. She noticed Jumin trying to get them back, so she quickly walked to the living room. The information on them was correct, but why on Earth did he need to see all of this information? Was this about the comment he had overhead? Why did he-- Before she could comprehend what was happening, she saw a face she hadn’t seen in a long time. She didn’t recognize him at first, but after reading his first and last name -her last name-, there was no mistake.

She stopped, letting Jumin take the documents back from her. If Jumin was talking she couldn’t hear him anymore. Everything had gone silent in her head.

She startled a bit when she felt a hand on her shoulder, shaking her softly.

“MC, my love. Say something, I’m sorry, I--...”

“My dad had more kids?” she asked, in a broken voice. Jumin looked at her, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You didn’t know?”

“No, I… I haven’t heard from him since he left us. I didn’t know… He had more kids?”

MC walked to the sofa and sat down, still trying to process what she had learnt, tears falling down her cheeks in silence. Jumin sat by her side and put an arm around her shoulders, not knowing what to do. He hated himself for making herself feel like that. Her face showed how broken she was, how much weight the news had had for her.

Jumin hugged her, putting her small frame against his chest. He muttered countless apologies. Seven was right. He shouldn’t have dug up information that wasn’t his. He had hurt her more than he thought he could. MC cried in silence for a couple more minutes before she raised her head again to look at him.

“Why do you have this?” she asked, her hand grabbing his shirt and looking at him confused. “Why do you even have this information, I-- I don’t--... Was it too hard to just ask me? Would you have believed what I just said if it didn’t match up with these things?” she looked at the documents Jumin had left on the couch.

“I’m sorry” Jumin said, not counting how many times he had said that already. “I panicked. You know how many times my father has wanted me to marry someone that only wanted me for my money or my position at C&R. I… I certainly didn’t think this through. I’m sorry, I really am. There’s no excuse. I was scared, but I didn’t act like a man. I had no excuse to look into your family history, none”.

MC looked at the dark eyes of his fiancé and sighed. She pursed her lips and took his hand in hers, squeezing it softly.

“I’m still mad at you” she said, her voice a little hoarse from crying. “And hurt. But I’ve already talked to my therapist about this thing with my dad so… I’m hurt, yes, but honestly… it’s water under the bridge, now. I don’t want to talk about him. What I really want… no, I really need my fiancé to bring me a cup of tea and stay with me tonight. You think you can do that?” she asked.

“Yes, I can” Jumin nodded and stood up quickly, grabbing the documents from Seven’s investigation and crumbling them in his hands.

“Wait, one more thing” she said and Jumin turned to her, expectantly. “You need to trust me, okay? I may not be always the best wife once we get married. But I will always tell you the truth. I meant what I said before, I will sign a prenup so please call your lawyers and tell them to prepare one for you, okay? Can we do this together?”

“No” Jumin said, turning around and making his way to the kitchen. MC felt a sharp pain on her chest.

“What do you mean no?”

“We’re not getting married with a prenup. I trust you. Even though tonight’s events may make you think otherwise, I do. And I want you and everyone to know that. So we’re not getting married with a prenup” Jumin explained from the kitchen. MC chuckled as she heard the sound of the electric water boiler starting.

“Okay” she muttered with a soft smile.

They were days away from the wedding. But somehow, instead of making her more anxious, it made her feel calmer. Jumin was going to mess up again. And someday, she would be the one to mess up. But if they could still find a way to love each other at the end of the day, maybe it was a good idea to get married after all. Honestly, she would have agreed to sign a prenup if Jumin had asked. She knew it wouldn’t have been for personal reasons, but mostly to protect C&R and all the years of work Chairman Han had given the company. But if he was willing to show her how much he trusted her by going against it and refusing the idea that she signed it, it definitely showed how much trust he was willing to show her.

MC saw Jumin coming back from the kitchen with a cup of tea and a bag of her favourite biscuits. She smiled and patted the spot next to her in the sofa.

They could do this. She knew they could.

#mystic messenger #jumin han #mysme #mysme jumin #jumin x mc #jumin x reader #mystic messenger fanfiction #fanfiction

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obxlife · 4 years ago

Text

Comfort (JJ x Kie)

A/N: This is my first fic that isn’t x Reader so I’m nervous about this. Hopefully, I did good lol. Anyway, I wanted to let you guys know that I have two weeks of classes left and then I’ll be able to open my requests again, I think. It depends on what I’m going to be doing during my vacation and what I’ll be working on.

Pairing: JJ x Kie

Word Count: 6,436

Request: Hi! Could you write an imagine where Kie is in an abusive relationship with a kook? (more details in chat lol)

Summary: Kie is in a relationship with a Kook because of her parents. And JJ and the rest of the boys hate it. They especially hate it when she begins to show signs of abuse, which JJ is quick to recognize. After Kie’s pain goes on for months, JJ and the rest of the Pogues step in, wanting to comfort her and help her. But Kie seems to especially find comfort in a particular blond.

Warnings: ABUSE (I’ll put a warning before it), swearing, a bit of underage drinking and weed. Also, this is told from Kie’s point of view, so it is in first person.

COMFORT

I was stuck between a rock and a sword, and its gleaming tip was scaring the hell out of me. Obviously this is a metaphor, but the sword was the pressure placed on me by my parents and the gleam was Ryan.

I hated the fact that he was my boyfriend. Even though I hated him as a person, it was more so due to the fact that my parents were basically forcing me to date him. Well, not him in particular, but they wanted me to date a Kook. And Ryan was the only Kook around my age that was willing to date me.

He was a year older than me, and he had a promising future. His father, Mr. Matthews, was the owner of a line of supermarkets back on the mainland, which meant that they were filthy rich. His mother, Mrs. Matthews, was a lawyer that normally worked out divorce cases. She made s shit ton of money each year because the Kooks were always seemingly splitting up and sleeping around with each other.

Ryan was supposedly going to grow up to be a lawyer and own the supermarket line, which meant he was for sure going to have money when he was older. This made my mother ecstatic. There was nothing more she wanted for me than to become the wife of some rich man, ensuring my entry to the Country Club and a ticket to Midsummers each year.

She had been pestering me for years to get a boyfriend that was of our social status. Since everything nowadays was about your relations and connections, if I got it on with a child of a rich, elite couple, I would ensure my family future business deals and whatever the hell my mother wanted to indulge in with them. I had cracked under her pressure about a year ago, finally accepting to go out with Ryan after months of rejecting him.

No one could really understand why he was chasing after me. He just seemed to be obsessed with me. And I’m not saying this to sound conceited or full of myself, because it’s the truth. No Kook could understand why Ryan Matthews, the child of one of the most powerful families in Kildare, wanted to be with me, half-Kook, half-Pogue traitor.

What was even a bigger shock to everyone was the fact that I had accepted. I had never thought I would finally crumble under my mother’s pressure, but I did, and once the word got out, most people assumed I was finally becoming sane.

See, the difference between me and the rest of the Kooks was that I had friends that didn’t live in Figure Eight. Instead, they lived on the Cut. John B, Pope, and JJ came from, what everyone would tell me, the wrong side of the island. The way I saw it was that they had been unfortunate enough to have economic problems but fortunate enough to not have to deal with the patriarchal and elitist bullshit I had to put up with every day.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to hear remarks from my classmates at the Kook Academy stating that I was a traitor and that I was hanging out with a bunch of low lives. I tried to not let it bother me, but ultimately, it did. I had to spend every single day alone in school, and it really put a damper on my mood. I would try and pretend that I didn’t care about most of their opinions - which I truly didn’t - but I wasn’t able to pretend that I liked being alone all the time.

That was also a reason as to why I had accepted Ryan’s offers to go out on a date with him, even though I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy myself. In the end, it was going to be a win-win situation where my parents would be happy for me, I wouldn’t be alone in school, and the Kooks wouldn’t ask me about my friends.

John B, Pope, and JJ couldn’t even begin to understand why I was with Ryan. They had been in one too many fights with him to ever picture him as something different than an egotistical and violent asshole. Which he was, but I tried to ignore that.

All I would do was pretend like everything was fine. I would spend time with Ryan and the Pogues (separately, of course), balancing my two lives out. When I would come home I’d smile at my parents and gush about how happy I was with Ryan before frowning and heading to bed.

This was something I had become used to. Smiling and pretending everything was fine. Ryan and I were experts at doing this. Behind closed doors were screams and insults but in public everything was perfect.

It had all started after we had been dating for two months. He had come around to my house for dinner with my parents and then he had slipped into my room. He had begun to kiss me, and I wasn’t into it, so I had tried to pull away.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked me, offended. I raised an eyebrow, giving him a questioning look. “Why did I do?”

“Nothing,” I stressed out. It was true, he hadn’t done anything except be himself. That was the reason I didn’t want to kiss him, but it wasn’t something in his control. So I lied. “I’m just tired.”

“Really, Kie?” he asked. His voice held judgment between every letter, almost as if he was doubting the reason as to why I was saying no to him. “I just think it’s funny how we’ve been together for two months and every time I try to kiss you, you pull away. Are you not into me or something?”

I began to panic. If he broke up with me my parents would freak out and begin bothering me again about getting a boyfriend.

“No, Ryan,” I said. I tried to be delicate with my voice as I lied to him. “I’ve just never done this before. You know, kissing and stuff.”

That was a total lie. I had hooked up with more Tourons than I could count on my hands, but Ryan had no way of knowing that. His eyes softened at my words and he approached me, wrapping his arms around me. I tried to hold back the grimace I was about to let out, not wanting to make him angry or anything.

“That’s fine. I can teach you,” he whispered. I almost scoffed but I forced myself to accept the kiss he was giving me. I was grossed out beyond I had ever thought possible, but I didn’t move back.

Once we parted, I forced myself to give out a smile. Ryan kissed my head once more before stating “Next time, I’ll teach you a lot more than kissing.”

I wanted to gag. I really couldn’t believe he had said that. Once he left my house, I stood up and brushed my teeth at least twice. I thought the worst had already passed, but I was so wrong.

The following week we went to a party together. I knew the Pogues were also in the crowd, but I wasn’t with them that night. I was with Ryan, pretending to be happy and convincing every single Kook that I was madly in love with him.

I remember Ryan trying to pull me into a room. I followed him, and closed the door behind me, assuming he wanted to talk. However, he pressed himself into me, kissing me roughly and forcefully.

I pushed him back, my hands at his chest, and wiped my mouth clean. “Stop,” I pleaded. “I don’t want to do this.”

The alcohol in Ryan’s blood made him come closer to me, pushing my body into the door. “Listen here, you little bitch,” he grounded out. “I’m tired of your shit. You always pull away from me.”

Tears were spilling out of my eyes by now. I didn’t want to be in that room with him, much less kiss him. But I forced myself to stay.

“I’m sorry, Ryan,” I spoke out. My voice was shaky with fear and it scared me. “I just - I’ve never done-”

“Shut up!” he yelled. “I don’t want to sleep with you anyways. You ugly, fat fucking bitch.”

And with that Ryan opened the door and exited the room. I didn’t have time to analyze the hypocrisies that escaped from his lips as I feel down onto the floor and began to cry. I really thought he was going to force me to do something with him, and that just terrified me to the bones. My body was quivering all over, and I could barely register what was going on outside of the room.

Was what he said true? Was I fat and was that the reason why no Kook ever seemed to approach me? Why had he tried to kiss me if he thought I was ugly and fat?

That night, JJ found me and took me home. His blond locks would shine under the moonlight as we walked back to my place. He tried to make jokes to lift my mood up, and he tried to ask me what had happened, but my mouth remained shut. I belted out a lie about period cramps. I could never tell him what really made me cry. JJ would beat Ryan up and then my parents would be so mad at me for having caused that.

And so JJ dropped me off, thinking the reason I was crying was something silly and stupid that didn’t merit any attention.

The next time I saw Ryan, he apologized profusely. He said what he had said was a mistake and a lie and that he was only taking out his anger about something else that had happened out on me. Foolishly, I forgave him, trying to keep him by my side to make my parents happy.

However, he kept making comments about my body and many of my insecurities.

“You should lose some weight.”

“Your skin is too dark.”

“Your hair looks gross when it’s that long.”

“You should at least try to dress nice.”

“I don’t like you wearing such short shirts.”

It went on for months and months and months. Slowly but surely I tried to hide my bloating stomach and tried to avoid sunlight and chopped half of my hair off. I thought that maybe then Ryan might stop making such comments about me.

He didn’t. Instead, he kept going on and on about every small detail about my physique.

“Your wearing clothes that are too baggy.”

“You look almost sick when you’re this pale.”

“Nobody wants to be around you when you look like this.”

I didn’t even know why I cared. I didn’t even like Ryan, but his words would cut me deep, making me bleed and cry and break down. The Pogues had no idea what was going on. Every time they would question my actions and my decisions, I would shut them out. I’d tell them that the changes in my appearance and in my wardrobe were unrelated to Ryan, contrary to their beliefs. I felt bad for lying, but I didn’t want them to worry. Especially not about something as trivial as myself.

JJ was the worst out of all of them. It was almost like he could see through me. But no matter how much he would interrogate me, I would always lie.

Soon Ryan began to become controlling. He wanted to know where I was at all times. His messages would blow up my phone, and sometimes I wouldn’t be able to use it because he was constantly calling me.

When I would arrive back home I would always find him in my room, where he would begin to question my every move of the day. When he began to realize how much time I had been spending with the Pogues, he began to get mad.

“Why are you spending so much time with them?” he would start. His tone of voice was nowhere near calm, but it was calmer than what it would become.

At first, I would just shrug. “They’re my friends.”

Ryan would scoff and cross his arms, his brows pulling into themselves. “Well, maybe you should get better friends.”

“Hey!” I shouted, mad at what he was saying. “Don’t talk about them like you know them.”

“Well, I do,” Ryan would start. He would then come closer to me and take a hold of my arm. “I know that they are trying to break us apart. They take you away from me. You spend so much time with them that you’re never with me.”

His fingers would latch on so tightly onto my arm that I would let out a yelp. His grip was cutting the blood circulation from my arm and I could feel my fingers going numb.

“Ryan, you’re hurting me!”

Only then would he let go. Right before he would stalk out of my room he would say, “Good. Maybe then you’ll listen to me.”

I didn’t. I would never listen to him. He had no right to get between me and my friends, especially when they were the last good thing I had around. So I would find myself like I am right now, with the Pogues and my phone silenced at the bottom of my bag.

“Pass me a beer,” JJ said to me as I reached over the bottle I had just opened. I noticed how his arms rippled underneath his shirt, his muscles bulging through the cloth. I sighed, shaking my head and pulling myself out of whatever trance I was about to fall into. JJ would never be into me, especially if what Ryan said about me was true. And that was fine because I was with Ryan anyway.

The music coming from Pope’s stereo was soft and drowsy, and it almost made me want to fall asleep. However, I knew if I stayed out too late Ryan would get pissed.

“I think I need to head home, boys,” I told them. John B groaned and rolled his eyes, but he listened to me. He headed over to the chair behind the wheel and turned the engine on/ The turned to boat towards Figure Eight.

“You don’t have to go back just yet, you know?” Pope said. I rolled my eyes at this.

“You know how Ryan is.”

“I don’t get why you don’t just dump him,” JJ stated while standing and turning back to the cooler again.

“Because,” I replied as if there was an obvious reason as to why I wanted to be with Ryan. JJ and the rest of the boys could see right through my lies. They, however, just remained silent.

When we finally pulled up to my dock, I hugged Pope and John B before JJ helped me out of the boat. He began to walk me to my door, not commenting on how bony he thought my hands felt.

“Hey,” he called out once we had reached my porch. I turned around to look at him, not yet opening the door to my house. I knew my parents would be inside and they would not want to see JJ. “If you ever need anything, you can always talk to me, okay?”

I nodded, confused as to why JJ was telling me this.

“I know,” I whispered as I hugged him. His hands went around my waist and I suddenly felt small. Tingles broke out from where his skin was in contact with my body, and I felt as he pressed his lips to my temple.

When we broke apart and I finally entered my home, I pressed my back against the door and sighed. How was JJ making me feel everything I should feel with Ryan? Why was JJ suddenly all I wanted? Why did I always want to -

“I can’t fucking believe you,” Ryan growled out from where he stood, twelve feet away from me. He seemed to be frozen in his spot, and my eyes swiveled around the room to see if my parents were anywhere around.

“Hi, baby,” I said, trying to ease the tension I knew he was feeling.

“Don’t you fucking dare ‘baby’ me. You are such a lying bitch,” he replied.

My eyes widened in shock. What did I do now?

“I can’t believe you have been cheating on me with that dirty, son of a bitch Pogue.”

“I - I haven’t -”

(A/N: Abuse starts now.)

“DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!” Ryan yelled out while stalking towards me. His hand was suddenly around my neck, squeezing my trachea and not letting me inhale any air. My fingers clawed at his own, trying to pry them away. Weird, guttural sounds escaped past my lips as he pressed his face next to mine.

“I should have done this ages ago. Ever since I noticed you sneaking around with that Pogue.”

My body was raised from the ground and away from the wall before crashing into it again. I crumbled down onto the floor as Ryan’s leg was raised. It came straight towards my rib cage and I could almost feel it bruising instantly. Ryan crouched down on top of me and grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around so that we were face to face. His fist flew back before socking me right in the eye.

My arms were raised, trying to protect myself from the beating I was receiving. Punch after punch after kick after punch I stayed there, on the ground, in pain. When it finally stopped, Ryan spit on me before wiping his mouth.

For a second time, he crouched down and latched onto my shirt. “If your parents ask you what happened, you say you got jumped. And I don’t want you to be around those dirty Pogues anymore.”

(A/N: end of abuse.)

I closed my eyes in pain. I could hear as Ryan walked out of my house and closed the door behind him. I felt myself slipping away from the room I was in, and then everything went black.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My parents were crying around me, and I could hear other voices coming from outside my room.

“Oh, thank God!” my mother cried while she reached out for my hand. I groaned in pain, not really understanding what was going on.

“Kie, sweety, you have to tell us what happened,” my father spoke. “When we came home we found you on the ground, beat up. What happened?”

I thought about telling the truth. I really did. And I weighed out my options and I thought if it would be best to do. Would I free myself from Ryan? Probably. But I had no way of making sure of that. After all, Ryan’s family was a lot richer than mine and I knew what a fancy lawyer could be capable of. Even if I came clean Ryan would probably never step a foot inside a jail cell. However, I still was going to try to get him there.

Just as I opened my mouth, Ryan came stumbling through the door. My stomach fell.

“Oh, Kie, I was so worried,” he lied. Well, maybe he wasn’t lying and he was worried about himself, but I was trying not to think about that. My parents were looking at Ryan and they didn’t notice how I recoiled away from him.

“Oh, Ryan, honey, we’re so glad you made it!” my mom exclaimed. Ryan smirked, but y parents probably thought he was smiling politely. “We’ll give you two some time together.”

“No!” I tried to shout. My throat almost burned. It was probably because of how Ryan had chocked me earlier.

“Sorry, Kie, but we couldn’t really understand you,” my father said, staring at me in a questioning matter.

“Oh, she just exclaimed in joy,” Ryan convinced them while giving me a hard look.

I helplessly watched as my parents exited the room, panic beginning to flood inside of me. Ryan approached my bed, his gaze not wavering from my body one bit.

“I did a good job, don’t you think?” he said tauntingly. A whimper escaped my mouth as he took my hand in his. Tears began to pool in my eyes but I refused to let them escape. I didn’t want him to see how weak I felt.

His fingers wrapped around my own as he took a seat next to me. “You do know I did this because I love you. Right?”

My eyes widened in shock. For starters, Ryan had never said he loved me before, so that was shocking in itself. However, what shocked me even more was that he said he hit me because he loved me. How could someone that loved me cause me so much pain?

I began to shake my head, denying what Ryan had said, but his fingers latched onto my chin, squeezing my jaw almost painfully.

“Yes, baby, I do. If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t have put the effort in teaching you a lesson.”

What the fuck? Was Ryan for real? I tried to shake his fingers away but I felt too weak. I just let him hold me in place hoping that if I didn’t move he would let go of his strong grip on my face.

Ryan stared deep into my eyes, trying to resonate with me. I quickly realized that if I didn’t comply with what he said, he wasn’t going to let me go. I began to nod as if I understood. Once he realized what I was doing he smiled and leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine. I forced myself to respond to the kiss, ignoring the twist in my stomach.

After he left I felt my body relax again. I only had to stay a couple more hours at the hospital before they let me go back home, where I locked myself in my room and ignored whatever sound was coming from my phone.

I knew the Pogues were probably texting me as we had made some plans for that day, but I wasn’t feeling up to it. I knew for a fact that they would realize what had happened to me if I went to see them, and that was the last thing I needed.

And so I ignored them for weeks. They would sometimes walk into The Wreck and I would smile at them and wave, but I felt panicky every time I was around them. I didn’t want Ryan to be lurking around the corner and catch me being friendly to them. I knew what he would do if he caught me.

During these long weeks that I spent ignoring the rest of the Pogues, Ryan made sure to be around me as much as he could. It was almost as if he was making sure that I wasn’t going to be opening up about what he did. But suddenly, I caught a break from him.

“Hey,” he had called out to me one afternoon when we were in my bedroom. I remember my body tensing, afraid that he was calling my attention to tell me another hurtful comment or push me around because I had done something wrong in front of his friends. Every time he called me out I would feel my muscles go stiff and panic flood inside my veins.

“Yeah?” I said trying to keep my voice level. I didn’t want him to feel my fear as I was almost sure he fed on it. He could feel my every move and my every emotion, and I knew he lived for the panic that was induced into my body every time he raised his hand around me or he called me out.

“My parents are taking me out to the mainland next week. Do you want to come with us?”

That had not been what I was expecting to hear, but I knew that this was going to be an opportunity for me to get away from him. He was going to be gone next week and I couldn’t go because it was my mother’s birthday. I knew Ryan was not going to flip out because he respected my parents way too much to take me away from them on one of their birthdays.

“I can’t,” I began softly. I noticed how his nostrils flared in annoyance, probably expecting me to give him some excuse he thought was lame. “It’s my mother’s birthday, remember?”

Ryan’s anger seemed to drain out of him and I noticed how his muscles relaxed. He pushed himself off my bed and stood up, coming closer to where I was seated. I had been folding my laundry when I felt him come close to me, and I ducked my head down to avoid any eye contact with him. Much like an animal, sharing eye contact with Ryan could be dangerous and send him into a frenzy.

He hand suddenly latched onto the back of my neck and gently tugged me towards his chest. He was crouching down, both of his legs around me. He pressed a rough kiss to my lips but I didn’t respond. He pulled away and stared down at me.

“We need some rules for when I’m gone.”

I knew he was going to say that. Just like every time he had something to do and couldn’t be around me, he was setting rules that were probably going to be ridiculous. However, I was too afraid to stand up for myself. I did not want to end in the hospital again, and I had enough bruises that were hidden by my clothes on my body. So I just simply nodded.

“I don’t want you spending time with anybody. Only your parents.”

He stood and began to pace around my room. He did that often when he was thinking or trying to control himself.

“I don’t want you texting anybody but me. If you don’t reply in twenty minutes I will call you. If you don’t pick up, you know what to expect when I get back.”

I nodded but didn’t turn around to look at him. I knew I wasn’t going to be following his first rule, but I would need to follow the second one for sure. I knew he had a tracker on my phone (I had found that out after getting a pretty bad beating), so I wouldn’t be texting anyone else anyway.

“When I call or text you, I want you to give me a full report about where you are. I will be checking in with your parents so don’t even think of lying.”

Ryan continued to walk behind me as I carried on folding my clothes. I felt myself sweating, already planning what I was going to do once I was away from him and his overbearing tendencies.

Once he had settled down, he laid down on the bed once again before fishing his phone out from his pocket. I had finished folding my clothes and headed over to my closet to put it away.

“Understood?” Ryan suddenly spoke out from where he was. I nodded and then said, “Yes.”

He seemed happy enough with that.

The following week I found myself heading down to the Chateau, which I hadn’t stepped foot in since Ryan had beat me up and I was in the hospital. I was nervous, not knowing if they would want to take me back into their group, especially since this was the second time I had abandoned the Pogues.

However, this time was different, and I felt as if they could feel that as well. The last time I had left them behind was because I had chosen to do so (and which now I kind of regretted), but this time it had been against my choice. And so when I walked in with my heart beating inside my chest, I felt relief wash over me as the boys I loved so much came up to hug me.

“We thought you were dead!” John B exclaimed as his arms wrapped around me. I flinched slightly when he raised his arms and I tried to ignore the panic that spread through my body at the moment.

JJ noticed though. He had been through so many beatings he knew exactly what it was like to flinch when somebody was going to give me a hug or when I thought someone might throw a punch at me. JJ saw how I had a little bit of panic swimming inside of my orbs and how I was covering my body a lot more than usual. He noticed how I winced when Pope’s arms pressed against my ribcage and how a tear pooled in my eyes as JJ stood up to approach me. He noticed how small and bony and frail I was under his touch, and how much my cheekbones were sticking out from my skin. He noticed how pale I was and the dark circles under my eyes. He recognized himself in me, and that made him worry.

I noticed how his arms were moving extremely slow, almost as if he didn’t want me to panic around him. His arms came around my shoulders and I noticed how he avoided my ribcage in general. I closed my eyes in relief that he had forgiven me, but they shot open in panic when I realized he had probably noticed what was going on with me.

He couldn’t know. JJ couldn’t know. But he did. So now I had to make sure that Ryan would never know that JJ knew what had been happening behind closed doors.

This was the only train of thought going through my head as we all boarded onto the HMS Pogue and headed out into the marsh. JJ noticed every time I flinched and every time I would recoil from what was going on around me. I could feel his gaze burning into me, and as much as it would have made me blush two months ago, now it was making me nervous.

When we finally arrived back at the Chateau, JJ accompanied me to get something from my car. It was then when he tried to talk to me.

“Hey, Kie,” he said questioningly. He didn’t know how to approach the situation at hand, and I could feel his nerves rolling off from his body. His hand reached out to touch my back, right between my shoulders, but I jumped away from him and wrapped my arms around myself.

His wide eyes made me know he had noticed how jumpy I was, and I cleared my throat, trying to make the situation less awkward. “What’s up?”

“I just… Are you okay?” he asked. He sounded genuinely concerned and I felt bad for lying to him. But I knew if I ran my mouth and Ryan found out, I would probably end up in the hospital again.

“Yeah, J. Why wouldn’t I be?” I lied.

“It’s - I mean, is Ryan - Are you and Ryan okay?” he asked now. Oh God, now I was certain that he knew. It made sense that he would be the one to notice exactly what was going on with me. It was foolish of me to think I could hide this from him.

“Yeah,” I voiced out. However, my word broke and JJ could instantly tell I was lying.

“Kie,” he tried softly. He was probably trying to imitate the tone of voice I would use when he would come back to the Chateau beaten by his dad. I remember I never knew how to act, but speaking softly seemed to calm him down. “I know you’re lying. Can you please tell me the truth?”

Tears instantly broke out from my eyes. They fell down my cheeks and they burned, and just like JJ had done when I had first arrived at the Chateau, he raised his arms as slowly as he could and hugged me. I broke down completely after that, sobs choking and ripping me apart, while his hands rubbed up and down. I felt butterflies erupting from my stomach, but I pushed them down. It was so stupid that from this situation all I felt for JJ was love. How could I love him when I was nothing? How could I love him and want him to hold him if I was worthless?

“I know, Kie,” the blond whispered in my ears. His hand went over my hair, petting it down as he tangled his digits through my locks. “You can always come to us, okay?”

I shook my head. He didn’t get it. “I - I can’t!”

“Okay, can you tell me why you can’t?”

“Because he’ll find out. And then it’ll happen again.”

“What will happen again?” JJ asked. His voice had suddenly turned a lot harder. He knew what was going on with me, but now that he heard me speak out the truth, he was angry. Did he know all the truth, to begin with?

“He - he - I’ll end up at the h-hospital again.”

“Wait, what?” he growled out. His fists were suddenly scrunched up, holding onto the cotton of my shirt. I tensed up when I felt his hands take the form of fists, afraid that he might lash out on me. It was ridiculous, as I knew JJ would never do that, but I was still afraid. He must have felt me become nervous because JJ relaxed his muscles.

“He was mad, JJ. So mad. And he said I was cheating on him a-and he beat me up until I blacked out and -”

My sobs didn’t let me continues. And so JJ cradled me until I stopped crying. Until I was okay enough to be able to speak and tell him what had happened. By then, we were back inside of the Chateau with the rest of the Pogues around us.

Once I had told them everything (and after breaking down like seven more times), they wrapped me up in their arms and told me that everything would be fine. That was probably a lie, but it gave me enough sense of comfort to hug them back without flinching and without breaking down again.

They helped me organize my thoughts and tried to convince me to break out of the toxic relationship I had with Ryan. They tried to get me to talk to my parents and they all stated that they would support me along the way. But what gave me a feeling of security was not their words. No, instead, it was JJ’s hand that had been wrapped around mine ever since he led me back into the Chateau.

His thumb would rub small little circles into the back of my hand, and it was almost grounding to me. It made me forget about my panic and about what was going to happen once Ryan found out what had gone down this afternoon.

Once I got back inside of my car with JJ by my side, he continued to throw out promises that sounded sweet and reassuring. Once again, however, it wasn’t this that made me feel more relaxed and safe. His hand on my thigh was what made me calm down.

When we arrived back at my house, he climbed out of the car with me and headed inside. I was happy that my parents weren’t back from The Wreck yet because this meant I didn’t have to sneak JJ in.

Just as the blond had promised me before, JJ helped me clean all of the wounds that were right now on my body. From bruises to small cuts. He told me a story of something that happened to him and the rest of the Pogues while I had been absent, distracting me from the stinging of the rubbing alcohol. He pressed his fingers around my ribcage to spread a cream that would help with my bruising as he began to joke around. When he was done, he stood up straight again, eye level with me. I was seated up on the counter, and he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Kie,” he whispered out while leaning in closer. “I want you to know that whatever he said about you is fake.”

I simply nodded, not trusting myself to speak without crying again. Instead, I just leaned forward into his comforting touch wondering if I would ever have the nerves o come clean about what I felt about him.

“Kie,” he called out again. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

I nodded, whispering a small “Same” to him. He continued to lean forward until finally, his lips were on mine.

Instead of making my heart race at an ungodly pace, my heart seemed to slow down. My blood wasn’t pumping in my veins and everything around us fell utterly silent. His touch wrapped me around in a blanket of safety - one that didn’t make me feel trapped or panicked at all. It brought me comfort in a way nothing had ever brought me before - more than when I was small and my dad would pretend to scare away the monsters in my closet and more than when my mom would kiss my head goodnight. The pressure of his lips on mine was just perfect and made me feel loved and cared about.

When we broke apart I almost whimpered, wanting to feel safe again. He let out a breathy laugh before pulling back and wiping my tears away.

“I want to keep doing that,” JJ said to me. I was surprised he was being so open with his feelings. But I guess we were both vulnerable and that made him feel safe as well.

“Me too,” I said softly. “But I’m still with Ryan right now.”

JJ nodded in understanding. “I’ll help you with whatever you go through. Okay?”

I nodded. I wrapped my arms around JJ and rested against him as he hugged me back. The feeling of safety that I had felt while kissing him came back to me and made me feel better. I wasn’t okay yet, but I would be. As long as I had JJ and his comfort by my side, I could grow into a person I wanted to be. A person that would be okay.

#outer banks #obx #obx netflix #jj maybank #kiara carrera #jj x kie #jj maybank x kiara carrera

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shitty-check-please-aus · 4 years ago

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2020 Books Read So Far, Part 2

Prior post here

So it turns out that it’s really hard for me to actually read books when I’m stressed out about a once-in-a-century pandemic, so this list is a bit shorter than my February post. Factors include: no commute, so harder to focus on audiobooks, stress, the purchase of my Nintendo Switch and Animal Crossing. All ratings are completely subjective and basically just how much I enjoyed reading them.

The Feather Thief, Kirk W. Johnson 4.5/5. This was a pick for my book club because we wanted to read about some kind of heist, and it delivered! It’s nonfiction, about this guy who stole a ton of really old and scientifically useful bird skins/feathers so he could recreate Victorian fishing flies, and also make a ton of money. Do you ever delight in reading about drama that in no way can ever impact you? You will enjoy the drama of the fly-tying community, which is a real thing with an illicit underworld that violates like a billion laws on poaching. Do you stay awake at night wondering what really happened to the paintings in the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum heist? Enjoy reading about how they caught this asshole and figured out how he did it.

Untamed, Glennon Doyle 2/5. The thing is, I think this would be a great book if I was a straight middle-aged woman going through some stuff in my marriage. But I bought it for my book club’s pride month read, thinking that it would be more about her marriage to the USWNT captain and less about her divorce with some asshole who cheated on her. Doyle also just hit on some sore spots for me (”why are so many queer people prejudiced against God and Jesus” ma’am, my atheism literally does not impact your life whatsoever and my issues with Christianity are between me and my therapist).

She completely lost me when she described going into an airplane bathroom and straightening her hair and putting on a full face of makeup. I guarantee you that SOMEONE on this cross-country flight was sitting there, pissing themselves in their seat while she spent fifteen minutes minimum doing some glamming up. Why did she not wait to get to her destination airport? This should be a crime. I also hate when parents talk about personal shit their kids go through for profit.

Her prose is also incredibly flowery, and I do not believe for half a second that anything presented in quotes was actually said verbatim. I also feel like if you’re going to name drop, don’t be coy about it. “My friend Liz came over” you mean Elizabeth Fucking Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, who like Doyle famously divorced her husband and married a woman? If you’re bragging about meeting Oprah you should go all the way in your name drops.

tl;dr it’s a book that’s written for a straight audience, and I am not a straight audience. The cover design is excellent, though, I would definitely put it on a coffee table if I was styling a photoshoot. Probably wouldn’t have finished it without my book club as motivation.

The Hand on the Wall, Maureen Johnson 5/5. This is the third book in a trilogy, and it wraps up the first two books wonderfully. Without getting too spoilery, the main mystery is like half Leopold and Loeb and half the Lindbergh baby. You can tell from every sentence how much Johnson loves mysteries, and knows how to craft compelling, complicated, sometimes annoying characters, It’s also so tantalizing to feel for a minute like we could solve some of these ice-cold cases in the real world.

The Adventure Zone: Petals to the Metal, The McElroys and Carey Pietsch 5/5. Really fun read! I love graphic novels that really force me to look at the art, pay attention to details, and take my time reading. This is also a really fun adaptation of one of my favorite arcs in the podcast, and manages to either keep the same level of fun or even ramp it up consistently. I love Pietsch’s facial expressions, and the tiny easter eggs she’s hidden on almost every page. The choices they’ve made in adapting it from podcast to graphic novel are also very well-done. Some things work better in audio improv than they would in this form, and they’ve recognized that some changes can improve the story (it’s a graphic novel, we don’t have to be as tied to the three main players as we do when they’re doing the voices).

Wires and Nerve, Marissa Meyer, Stephen Gilpin 4.5/5. This was also a fun, fast read! I love the Lunar Chronicles, so it’s interesting to see it as a graphic novel. The half point deduction is maybe unfair, because it comes from the characters not looking the way I pictured them in my head when I read them. It follows Iko, Cinder’s android friend, and has a lot of good questions about whether a robot/android can be a person (imo, they absolutely can).

Wires and Nerve: Volume 2, Gone Rogue, Marissa Meyer, Stephen Gilpin 4.5/5. Again, fun, fast, exciting. Some parts made me actually gasp out loud, there are good twists, there’s romance, it’s overall highly recommended! We get to spend significant time with everyone from the main series, which is lovely. Like meeting up with old friends.

#off topic #long post #Marina Reads

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happymissy · 4 years ago

Photo

Happy 2021! I’m just using these photos that my friend and i took this month, a day before I went to Manila to fix some things so I can FINALLY graduate on March! I’ve back read my old blog posts from before and I noticed that for the past 3 years, I only posted like once a year just to update you guys on what’s happening with my life. I mean, it’s not like I still have readers on this blog, but it’s nice to have something to look back on from time to time. I remember making a post before that I should update more on my actual diary than this actual blog because someday, tumblr will be gone and everything I ever worked on to post about, will be deleted. Well, let me tell you guys something, my aunt threw away all my journals from when I was in elementary until I was 18! I was devastated. But anyway, yeah, I’ll try to update this more and more!

So... 2020 huh? What a year!

Let me start from the top! I started the year with a broken heart and I remember being so sad that whole month because aside from being heartbroken, I felt like I was stuck, like I was in some sort of constant loop with my days. I would wake up really early because my aunt’s house is somewhere deep deep inside a subdivision of Greenwoods Pasig and getting out of there was hassle af especially if you’re a normal civilian like me who’s broke, doesn't have a car, and relies on the commuting system of the Philippines to get to literally anywhere. And then spend 10 hours at work because I was catching up with my OJT hours that would’ve been finished earlier if I just went to work everyday. Then I would spend hours in line for UV rides and another hour stuck in traffic during rush hour, AND THEN another 1 hour waiting in line for the tricycle to greenwoods and actually getting in. I was mentally drained. The city life isn’t for me, well at least the Philippine City life isn’t. Despite being sad and exhausted almost everyday, I couldn’t see my college friends because my ex lived with them and I can’t bare to see him be okay while I was dreading my life.

Then February arrived and I met up with someone from Bumble for the first time, it was a mutual from twitter. It was a new thing for me, like, using a dating app? Flirting with someone I didn’t know, meeting up, and then sleeping with them. So what happened was, your girl got attached! I was so used to guys taking me seriously me all the time that I fooled myself thinking that he was the one for me. Lmao, that cycle continued until I got used to it and I just realized that I wouldn’t and shouldn’t expect a real relationship come out of a dating app. Anyway!!! Bullet form for the summary of quarantine!

Feb ended

March happened

COVID-19 happened

Stuck in quarantine in Baguio, felt like shit.

Learned a few tiktok dance

Watched a few netflix series, movies, and animes

Started an alter account in May because I WAS BORED AS HELL

Found out I can earn money by having guys simp over me

WHAT THE FUCK

I earned more money in 1 week than I ever did in a month, working!

WHAT THE FUCK 2.0

Did that part time through out the whole quarantine.

Spent a shit ton of money on Shopee! I was overwhelmed that I was finally able to afford everything I wanted growing up lmao.

Discord saved my sanity throughout the lockdown.

Met Thana on there, he gave me his udemy account so I can study flutter and web development so I’ll have a proper job once I graduate! Bless himm <3

I TURNED 23!!! I made that blink-182 cake hehe:

Went back to Dagupan to finish my OJT hours.

I was finally able to afford a laptop (AFTER 7 YEARS!)

BRO I bought a Macbook Pro 2020 512GB, that’s how much money I get to earn as a SW! WHAT THE FUCK 3.0

Didn’t tell my dad what the fuck i’ve been up to with my life because how would i explain to him where I got all the money from. Besides, I wouldn’t reside to being a SW if he was supporting me financially. I’ve been paying and working for my own stuff and allowance ever since I stepped to college.

Mom and brother are curious where I get my money and I’d just answer secret and they’d just shrug it off because they know how much bullshit we got with our life.

I’ve just been hanging out with my friends almost every day ever since I got back to Dagupan and just drinking, eating, throwing up, and playing Among Us. Taking all the time I lost and squeezed them right in before 2020 ends.

Joined the Corpse Fandom, one of the things that legit made me feel alive after how many years!

So yeah, that’s basically it. By the way, I’m not planning on continuing my ‘job’ right now. I’ll be quitting soon because it really takes a toll on you. Being paranoid about my privacy and how people can expose me, being sexually harassed every single day, irl friends and mutuals recognizing me, and just basically being addicted to the attention I’m getting for the wrong reasons. Hopefully, I’ll graduate and actually find a decent job. I hope this covid thing will end soon. I also hope the current president can like, die. lol

Also, I’ve been studying Web Development for a while now and so much has changed with the CSS things! Who knows, I might finally be able to change my theme after idk 6 years! Some links and photos on my theme don’t work anymore lmao!

#journal #me #shots

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vagabcnds · 5 years ago

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i have tossed around making this post for months now, gone back and forth with myself and my friends about if it would even be worth posting this. honestly, i don’t know if telling my side of this is going to do any good, but i think it’s time that i added some more information to this whole situation so that even more people can see that our friends (and i use that term with as much sarcasm as possible) @seattlehqrpg , as well as her other rp @canterlotislandhq , have not changed, and will not change. this is indeed another psa about this woman, but with some more information and one on one conversations with the woman.

hey hi, hello, so, my name is maig, i’ve been around the rpc for over a decade, and right now you might recognize my multifandom : @hiddenwashington . we’re an appless multifandom that i started up two years ago. and over those two years, we have dealt with jasmine, jazzy, jackie, jacqueline, whatever j name she wants to call herself this time, on and off, for that duration.

and just to clear up some information from other psas, i do not believe this is the same nova/jazzy that was terrorizing groups last year with attacking and fighting admins. we’ve spoken with j multiple times, as well as jazzy/nova, and honestly i can tell for sure these are not the same people. unfortunately, there is more than one bad egg in the rpc.

i have a ton of screenshots, so forgive me for not using them all. a link to a google drive will be at the end of this, for all of the screenshots i have of stolen asks, interactions, etc. but i’ll just be using key information for this specific post. or else we’ll be here all day.

when we first encountered j (we’ll just use “j” for now since she focuses on whatever name we call her more than the content of the psas. and all her aliases start with it idk), we thought she was just another person who wanted to join but sort of went about it the wrong way. we first got an anon on the main, asking if our current ginny (that being me) would be willing to give her up. because j wanted to play her.

we had gotten an anon asking about if we were welcoming towards people with social anxiety (or something like that. it’s been two years now since this all happened so specifics are a little fuzzy. like i said we’ve been dealing with her for so long.) i pretty much hit her with “i’m not willing to drop her because i still want to play her but hmu on my character account and we can chat about other characters for you to play”. i had no idea that answering it would lead us down this rabbit hole i’m writing about today. we sorta chatted, she kinda just rambled to me about how she wanted to write someone not like her so she could have a challenge. valid. i tried helping out, i didn’t really know what fandoms she was into so i said what i could and then went onto the main. when i got back onto my account, she had taken it upon herself to critique my portrayal of ginny, asking if she would ever say ‘dick’. she kept messaging me, sandwiching that comment between other questions. i told her i didn’t appreciate unsolicited critiques. i tried to move past it but she kept at me about it. telling me she hadn’t read the books in 10 years. and only read one. the last one, in 3 hours. idk overall it was a weird conversation and i sort of thought that was the end of it.

honestly, i’m not gonna spend a TON of time on this already too long psa going on about every interaction we had with her, every crazy thing she said. most importantly, we accepted her in, thinking she was just a little wild but us talking to her covered it. she ended up going in active over easter or spring break or something, wanted to take up another character, we told her to wait to pick her activity up. ya know, standard admin business. and then she started attacking us. telling us we didn’t care about her, about what she went through not having a computer or whatever. she started sending us anons about how her friend stole her money and we don’t care about her and we all hate her so why should she stay. it was kinda insane. again, check the google doc for all that. she ended up leaving, we got some anons about how she never joined other rps because of admins like us. just random things here and there, some anons about how dare we talk to people like we did. just random shit that really only she could come up with. but we had an rp to run, lives to get on with, tv shows to binge, idk fam. life goes on.

honestly, we sort of forgot about this whole mess for like close to a year? that was when we started getting ims. from her. we knew bc it was the same accounts as before. she uses the same ones over and over, it’s easy to keep track of her. it’s sort of why we never felt the need to bring anything up, we always thought she was just stealing from us and we knew when it was her and when to refuse to accept the questions. this is where we enter phase two of hidden’s journey with “j” : the thief.

this is one of our earliest encounters. before she started sending them on anon.

(for some quick context, she would send us questions for fcs, ask if a character was open and then go around trying to poach our members for her group)

tw suicidal thoughts for this next picture

honestly this goes on for like 10 more pictures, so instead of spamming here, the full conversation is in the google drive under the folder : a fight that almost was

she eventually goes on to call me out as the admin talking to her, i tell her again to message me off the main so that we could get back to actually admining our group. she hits me up, calls me “a cute ginny mun”, and then proceeds to ask me to help her fill out Her Own Application for ginny for her own group!!

the tiktok video of “did a full one eightyyy” is all that is going through my head from this specific encounter.

anyways. this is when the stealing really amped up, for not just us, but for the entire rpc. around this time, we had stupidly let her back into the group, i had wanted to keep my eye on her personally. see what she was stealing from the inside. idk i was dumb. this is also around the time the first psa about her came around.

enter, phase three. it’s similar to phase two, but this time, “j” must tell everyone she is in fact Not A Thief™

so, during this time, it was around may of last year? while she was in the group, she started stealing more, we were catching her in the act, and we eventually had to kick her out of hidden. it’s not really a shock but ya know. gotta do what you gotta do.

she was going by jasmine at the time. anyways. this is also before her current group @seattlehqrpg , when she still had @manilahq and @forgottenfriendshiphq or whatever she changed that too. she was getting a ton of “hate” over there. mainly anons telling her to stop stealing from other creators. valid.

anyways, she would blame us for all of the stealing, that we were the true thieves. idk we were her scapegoats for a long time. i can confirm to you all now, i have never, nor have any of my admins, sent her any messages to steal fcs or anything to “attack” her. honestly we try to forget she exists but she just makes it so hard to ignore her with all of this.

anyways, this has been our song and dance with “j” for a while now. we get an anon, we answer, she steals from us in a matter of hours. i’m sure everyone can attest to that similar situation. i mean, here’s just like a couple instances. i have hundreds in the google docs, dating back years. this behavior doesn’t change.

i mean, she has even gone as far as to steal our plot. sure, it’s not exactly original. every multifandom somehow brings all these characters to a city by magic or something. but the mention of the witch, the alternate universe city, the memories. it just all around reads plagiarism.

so, check the google doc for more evidence i guess if you really need to!

but, some things we’ve noticed, beyond her just stealing asks and plots and EVENTS ??? AND NOW TASKS ??? check out this post for the tasks, and this other psa for the event. because that shit is so fucked.

she has also straight up stolen replies and claimed them as her own. my friend and fellow admin, was in her rp for a hot minute, and played pacifica northwest. (some information is crossed out for privacy) this was from us talking about the plagiarism, of her stealing from my friend while “j” was in hidden, which we both admin.

this is her post

and this is "j”’s, while she was in hidden.

i mean, same gif and everything friends.

she constantly goes on about how she doesn’t look at other rps, how she doesn’t have time, that she’s running five other groups, but honey, we’re running those groups for you with all the stealing!! i mean, just as further proof that she is constantly looking at other groups, including hidden, to an obsessive amount. a member left her group (who then went and joined us we believe), and this was her unfollow for them. (i feel so sorry for that member to be called out like this?? how uncomfortable do you have to make your former and current members???)

and hidden’s character count that same day ??? coincidence, i think not.

listen, this isn’t meant to stir up more drama, i know it will and that’s kinda why i put this off. everyone had sort of said what needed to be said? it didn’t feel necessary to repeat the same shit we all knew. but with more of this happening, with her stealing plots, tasks and events. it felt like this was the time to strike, to get this awareness back up. she needs to stop, and if we all ban together, maybe we can stop it? i don’t know. but i have hope that this can all change if we have each other’s backs.

this has been hiddenwashington’s side of the story, i’m sure there are still more groups out there with stories or stolen asks. and i am sorry to anyone who has had to deal with her. but just, do yourselves a favor and look out for anyone with a j alias, 21+. she/her, from pst. who also uses “RPG” a lot.

a lot of this stuff is old, but she’s still doing this in @seattlehqrpg i just grabbed these screenshots because it’s what i had on hand. but anyways. here is the link to the google drive with all of our screenshots we have complied.

if you have any questions, comments, concerns, what have you: my inbox (including anons), ims and everything are open and i am more than happy to chat!! please come talk with me about anything!!!

stay safe, and thanks for joining me on this season of To Catch a Plagiarizer.

#psa #rpc #rpt #multifandom rp #fandom rp #rph #rpc psa #personal.#about hidden #long post tw #this is literally so long i pray for all of you who read it #seattlehqrpg

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