happymissy

[happymissy]

I was watching a video on youtube with a timelapse of the universe and i had an existential crisis and wondered what's the point of living if the earth and universe will someday not exist at all. so i decided to go out because i havent left my room in 1 week! so yeah here's some photos from today that I liked.

[happymissy]

Life Update

Last April 11, 2021 I had my first tattoo ever. I had it spontaneously , it wasnt planned or anything so I now regret it I plan on having it covered up someday. Anyway, I realized that I didn't want to spend thousands on a really simple tattoo. So what I did, I went to my friend's house and watched a few tattooing videos and decided to buy a few tools and stuff for handpoked tattoos. And that's exactly what I did. Currently, I have 2 handpoked tattoos, a total of three. Gave my mom a fly and flower tattoo which is pretty nice, my neighbor a butterfly tattoo, my 2 friends -- a cat and a sagittarius tattoo. Of course I didn't charge them because I was just starting out. It's been I guess 2 weeks since I started and I'm feeling quite proud of myself for deciding to do this and I'm actually considering to make this hobby of mine a profession someday but who knows hahaha.

I hate how I'm 23 years old right now, 24 in 7 months and I still have no idea what to do with my life. I just finished watching 2 videos on how to become a web developer in 6 months and I was motivated once again to continue becoming one. The only reason why I'm not making any progress is because I don't have any stable connection to pursue the course and I hate myself for it :( So as I'm typing this, I have decided to become a web developer, but also become a handpoked tattoo artist on the side because I really do enjoy doing them. Although I've been so anxious that the tattoos that I made will someday fade drastically because 1.) It's only a handpoked tattoo 2.) Maybe I didn't put the ink through the skin well enough. 3.) This isn 't part of the fading drastically problem, but I don't people to regret having me as their tattoo artist :(

[happymissy]

Happy 2021! I’m just using these photos that my friend and i took this month, a day before I went to Manila to fix some things so I can FINALLY graduate on March! I’ve back read my old blog posts from before and I noticed that for the past 3 years, I only posted like once a year just to update you guys on what’s happening with my life. I mean, it’s not like I still have readers on this blog, but it’s nice to have something to look back on from time to time. I remember making a post before that I should update more on my actual diary than this actual blog because someday, tumblr will be gone and everything I ever worked on to post about, will be deleted. Well, let me tell you guys something, my aunt threw away all my journals from when I was in elementary until I was 18! I was devastated. But anyway, yeah, I’ll try to update this more and more!

So... 2020 huh? What a year!

Let me start from the top! I started the year with a broken heart and I remember being so sad that whole month because aside from being heartbroken, I felt like I was stuck, like I was in some sort of constant loop with my days. I would wake up really early because my aunt’s house is somewhere deep deep inside a subdivision of Greenwoods Pasig and getting out of there was hassle af especially if you’re a normal civilian like me who’s broke, doesn't have a car, and relies on the commuting system of the Philippines to get to literally anywhere. And then spend 10 hours at work because I was catching up with my OJT hours that would’ve been finished earlier if I just went to work everyday. Then I would spend hours in line for UV rides and another hour stuck in traffic during rush hour, AND THEN another 1 hour waiting in line for the tricycle to greenwoods and actually getting in. I was mentally drained. The city life isn’t for me, well at least the Philippine City life isn’t. Despite being sad and exhausted almost everyday, I couldn’t see my college friends because my ex lived with them and I can’t bare to see him be okay while I was dreading my life.

Then February arrived and I met up with someone from Bumble for the first time, it was a mutual from twitter. It was a new thing for me, like, using a dating app? Flirting with someone I didn’t know, meeting up, and then sleeping with them. So what happened was, your girl got attached! I was so used to guys taking me seriously me all the time that I fooled myself thinking that he was the one for me. Lmao, that cycle continued until I got used to it and I just realized that I wouldn’t and shouldn’t expect a real relationship come out of a dating app. Anyway!!! Bullet form for the summary of quarantine!

Feb ended

March happened

COVID-19 happened

Stuck in quarantine in Baguio, felt like shit.

Learned a few tiktok dance

Watched a few netflix series, movies, and animes

Started an alter account in May because I WAS BORED AS HELL

Found out I can earn money by having guys simp over me

WHAT THE FUCK

I earned more money in 1 week than I ever did in a month, working!

WHAT THE FUCK 2.0

Did that part time through out the whole quarantine.

Spent a shit ton of money on Shopee! I was overwhelmed that I was finally able to afford everything I wanted growing up lmao.

Discord saved my sanity throughout the lockdown.

Met Thana on there, he gave me his udemy account so I can study flutter and web development so I’ll have a proper job once I graduate! Bless himm <3

I TURNED 23!!! I made that blink-182 cake hehe:

Went back to Dagupan to finish my OJT hours.

I was finally able to afford a laptop (AFTER 7 YEARS!)

BRO I bought a Macbook Pro 2020 512GB, that’s how much money I get to earn as a SW! WHAT THE FUCK 3.0

Didn’t tell my dad what the fuck i’ve been up to with my life because how would i explain to him where I got all the money from. Besides, I wouldn’t reside to being a SW if he was supporting me financially. I’ve been paying and working for my own stuff and allowance ever since I stepped to college.

Mom and brother are curious where I get my money and I’d just answer secret and they’d just shrug it off because they know how much bullshit we got with our life.

I’ve just been hanging out with my friends almost every day ever since I got back to Dagupan and just drinking, eating, throwing up, and playing Among Us. Taking all the time I lost and squeezed them right in before 2020 ends.

Joined the Corpse Fandom, one of the things that legit made me feel alive after how many years!

So yeah, that’s basically it. By the way, I’m not planning on continuing my ‘job’ right now. I’ll be quitting soon because it really takes a toll on you. Being paranoid about my privacy and how people can expose me, being sexually harassed every single day, irl friends and mutuals recognizing me, and just basically being addicted to the attention I’m getting for the wrong reasons. Hopefully, I’ll graduate and actually find a decent job. I hope this covid thing will end soon. I also hope the current president can like, die. lol

Also, I’ve been studying Web Development for a while now and so much has changed with the CSS things! Who knows, I might finally be able to change my theme after idk 6 years! Some links and photos on my theme don’t work anymore lmao!

[happymissy]

Another year has gone by since my last post. I decided to open this account again just because I wanted to check something. How do I start? Well, I’m 22 years old now. I just got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship on New Year’s Day! I’m still on the process of moving on because I don’t believe that I’ll be able to find someone as good as him. He was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I fucked it up by being so manipulative and toxic. I know that it was my fault and I would do anything to get everything back and do it right this time. I don’t know what I want. He ended up flirting with this girl that I’ve always told him to stay away from right after we broke up and it made me think that maybe, all this time, he was always into her. Maybe he left me for good, for her. And he didn’t fight for me, and still chose to be with our friend no matter how many times I’ve told him to keep his distance. Maybe this is for the better.

Not much has been going on with my life. I’m taking up my OJT here in Ortigas and I currently live in Pasig City, which I love, only because Vico Sotto is our mayor. It’s nice. Even though I finished all my subjects on time, all I have left is my internship, I still won’t be able to graduate on time because I don’t have anyone to fix my documents for graduation while I’m miles away from my school. To be honest, I don’t have any motivation left to make an effort to graduate on time. I’ve always been let down since I was a kid. You’d think that by this time, I would’ve gotten used to being disappointed but not really. It still hurts every single time. I think it’s nice that I’m still friends with the people I was friends with in High School, they’re the only ones that has been consistent since day one. I’m forever grateful for them. If you want to know what my course is, it’s  Bachelor of Science in Information Technology. I never had a unit to do the programs and activities that I needed to finish throughout my whole college but I know that I can do them if only I had the resources that I needed. So now, since I don’t know how to program or develop a website, I don’t know what I should do with all the years and money I spent completing this degree. I don’t what job I’m going to take after all of this is over.  I had a part time job as a layout artist after working part time as a service crew in McDonald’s last year. It taught me so much and I realized that I can actually layout newspapers and magazines. I want to pursue that career someday but I get really down that I’m not THAT good, and I never had the proper education in arts to actually pursue that career. I’m just really confused about my life lately, and hopefully, this year, I’ll get to fix everything I need to fix about my life. I’m sorry if this post is just all over the place. It’s nice to know that after all these years, I still talk like I’m Charlie from Perks of being Wallflower. I didn’t even bother to expand my vocabulary. Hahaha

[happymissy]

It’s been a while...

I always think about getting back to this blog someday. Like, completely go back. I’ve just been really busy, and I don’t have the time to blog anymore. Anyways, I’m in my third year of college, going 4th next semester. Life has been getting better for me. Like just imagine how depressed I was when I was 16 and feeling like I’m not going to go anywhere in life.

I have lost a few people for the past few years, but I have gained a lot of new friends as well. I couldn’t ask for better ones. I am myself and I found someone who really loves me and isn’t toxic like my last relationship.

Let me talk about my last relationship. It was horrible. 3 months in it, I was starting to realize how toxic and controlling he was. I should’ve stayed away from him after he basically *trigger warning* raped me. It was awful and I hated myself for it and wondered what ever did I do wrong to have that happen to me. We only lasted for more than 2 years because he would physically hurt me if I ever tried to leave, he would threaten me that he’ll kill himself, and he would sneak in my balcony to my room every time I tried to leave him. I was going crazy! I would scream everyday at him, physically hurt him too (because he also does the same) just so he can realize that I don’t want him anymore and I wasn’t happy and I’m starting to think about killing myself just so I won’t have to endure being with him. Fuck. Anyways, long story short, he cheated on me and I finally have a reason to leave him. What a breathe of fresh air. And I’m going to tell you, it was the beginning of a new life and I was finally happy.

I thought I wouldn’t want a new relationship soon and I want to focus on myself first, and just finish everything I have to do in this God forsaken town. But being the marupok self I was. I started getting along to one of my blockmates. He was really and tall and nice. He has a nice smile, he's skinny and tall.I always had a thing for boys who are cute, tall and skinny. I greeted him a happy birthday last June 4th, 2018. And I asked him to treat me to a sundae. He said sure and that was the start. It’s almost 9 months since then and I never get tired of looking at his face, and telling him I love him, and giving him short kisses every second. 

I hope he’s finally the one. I don’t want anyone else. I want him for the rest of my life. Please, God. Thank you 

[happymissy]

[happymissy]

It’s very rare for me to ask someone to take a photo of me but I no longer get the chance to take a photo of myself so I took the chance haha. My camera’s quality is shit but I actually liked how the photos turned out. Heyyy

[happymissy]

I attended our ‘IT Night’ and even though it was boring af, it was an experience and yeah.

[happymissy]

[happymissy]

[happymissy]

[happymissy]

I’ll blog about Trexie’s debut next time (by next time, I mean next year jk) once I have the time.

[happymissy]

coasts of Sardinia by cédric dasesson

[happymissy]

Neck Deep Live In Manila

I finally found the time to blog about last January 28th and here it is!!! Low quality pics and very bad photos coming your waaaay

Hashtag ootd chos

Date with no one while waiting for my internet friend.

I finally saw my internet friend after 3 years??? And I met a new friend and she’s so cute huhu

I was waiting for a scalper but there was none so I was forced to buy from the ticket booth huhu what is cheap

Shitty concert photos from a shitty person

Line for the Neck Deep meet and greet!!!

We tried to stalk Neck Deep but they won’t come out and say hi to us but it’s okay I had fun being an awkward potato and listening to my internet friends rap and beatbox and talk about stuff.

[happymissy]

March 3, 2016

It was my first time to attend a seminar, an e-commerce seminar to be exact, and to go to Star City. I missed Manila but yesterday was amazing because I faced my fears and I kept on laughing because of the friends I made in Dagupan City. Also, I have a crush and he’s so cute and idk his name but we see each  and pls notice me aahhh 

“he's seen my face around but he doesn't even know my name” basically

[happymissy]

I saw Neck Deep about a week and a day ago.

[happymissy]

I just finished cleaning my mom’s house for probably the hundredth time and I thought about some things because a LOT of things have been happening but I just couldn’t keep up with this blog anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave it hahaha. Anyways first, I thought about how it is both a blessing and a curse to have so many brothers. I mean, I do love them so much, even though we aren’t really full blood siblings, or something. But, like, my mom is having a really hard time now. Raising 5 sons and 1 daughter is pretty hard, considering that we aren’t really that, let’s just say, stable. I do really admire my mom because she took responsibility to all her kids even though her new husband, now ex-husband, went away. On the other hand, my dad also didn’t. Apparently, I have other brothers, and probably a sister, somewhere in this country, but my dad all left them. I only know one brother from my dad with a different mother because my aunt adopted him. I only got the confirmation that he was indeed my brother last month. He’s pretty cute and great haha. Anyways, I just hope my dad stops acting like he’s still young and starts to take life seriously because he’s almost 40, 36 to be exact, and he’s still idk. He disappeared from my life for a few years back then and I got used to it and one day, he suddenly got in touch, again. Of course, I was pretty happy, but there’s something missing. I mean, it’s been almost 10 years ever since my parents separated and he still can’t support my studies ugh. 

Speaking of studies, I’m finally in college for only one semester so I won’t get caught up in k-12, and something. I honestly don’t know what to feel. Because the school sucks but it’s ok, Idk. Hahaha. Also, it’s been 6 days ever since I’ve known my ‘legit crush’ here and guess what he knew about it on the second day because ang daldal ng mama ko jusko, pero okay lang sa kanya i think pero jusko hiyang hiya ako di ko na sya makakausap oh God. Wala, yun lang hahahaha