#and realized i. yknow. am a human being with feelings

[strawbrains]

Im gonna complain again cuz if I don't who will. Anyways, my ex and ex friends were heinous fake allies and absolutely awful lmao. Very clear to me now that I was just the "good jew" replacement for their ex jewish friend and as soon as I started breaking from how awful they were treating me they all started comparing me to their perception of that other person. Who probably wasn't even that bad to begin with tbh they all probably pushed them to their limits too with all the antisemitism, lesbophobia, and unhealthy dynamics I dunno. Shit was fucked.

[lazaruspiss]

my sibling is starting to write fic and it's so. like they've been drawing for forever and never seem insecure about art. but writing is still new to them! so the fic isn't working how they want it to. i got to point at their pile of like, 20 something filled full size sketchbooks and go, look, you've made all this art, practiced all this time to be good. and how many things have you written? 3? you keep going! you keep doing it and it will be countless one day!

[etherical-angel]

me during the 2 weeks i was dying: I WANNA LIVE!!!!!!!! I SWEAR I'LL LEARN TO APPRECIATE LIFE THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

me now that im better: ok.suicidal again.

[machinavellian]

really thinking about this again

please note, i entered my playthrough of datv with nothing but good faith and have in fact been ignoring all hype about it, for good or ill, as best i could prior to its release. but tonight something hit me irrevocably about the writing that might've genuinely trashed it for me, so... well, those who are invested in maintaining optimism about it probably should not read further.

with that said...

unfortunately, like four hours in i developed a suspicion that the dialogue in this game was written either partly or largely with AI, and... fuck. i cannot make myself un-believe that now. the dialogue is so rote and so flat and so glutted with cliché and so devoid of linguistic and emotional nuance that it legitimately disturbs me. it's like i'm detecting some kind of literary uncanny valley.

i don't know. maybe i'm being deeply cynical. but bioware also let all their writers go and were utterly unconcerned about that fact, so against my will i am now envisioning a room full of shitbrained game execs thinking this would be a fine way to make sure the damn thing ships by halloween and i don't like how plausible it feels.

[peapod20001]

Ooooohh godd.

[txttletale]

You've helped expose me to a lot of theory that I hadn't read before, and I'm realizing i need to read more theory for real, like. Actually. That being said; The more I start to lean into communist thoughts and not just anti capitalist, I find myself becoming warped and joyless. How does it not take a tole on you? The constant reminder of the endless suffering of the oppressed? How do I enjoy art when I am forced to see all of it as a coerced product, suffering for my entertainment? The constant guilt of life is something I dont think I can stomach at all times. Am i supposed too? (BTW; I mean this more so as an ask of how you do it, not to argue that because suffering is hard to look at we should actually just go back to the status quo and ignore it. I'm just like. Not sure how to deal with it, I guess.)

i don't really feel guilty about anything so i don't know how much i can help. i guess i just think that using communism as like a lense to judge your own individual morality as many people like to do is bound to make you miserable to no real avail. that's not the purpose of communist theory, the point of communist theory is to analyze society and history and guide mass-scale poltical action, not tell you if you're evil for watching the new star wars or whatevsies.

i guess i also personally find that reading socialist history and the more practical, grounded-in-praxis types of theory is liberatory and fills me with optimisim--reading about, e.g., social systems in cuba or people's democracy in the early soviet union is helpful in dispelling the 'oh, everything's going to be horrible forever, socialism is just a utopian pipe dream' insinct that i think liberal hegemony instills in most people, by showing how people took actual sensible pragmatic steps to introduce things like workplace democracy, universal healthcare, women's equality, mass literacy, etc. post-revolution. it helps you understand that communism is not a magic wizard who will come and save us all but yknow something that is doable and achievable by human beings.

[saturnniidae]

you say you have disabled hiccup headcanons? :3 *ears get really reall big. how are they doing that. why*

id love to hear them :D

Yes! Okay you've opened the floodgates my friend, I've been waiting to talk about this for so long.

He's autistic and has adhd! Obviously.

stims by tapping his fingers against things, waving his hands around, quickly taking apart and putting back together trinkets he's made, mimicking dragon noises (tho over time he's realized their vague meaning and stopped doing it randomly bc it was confusing them), running his hands over toothless' head to feel the texture of his scales and (when he was younger) petting his fur vest

His 'obsession' with things (trying to one up viggo, and when he was working on his sword) is literally just him Hyperfocusing on things

Easily loses track of time when he's locked in (Hyperfocused) working on inventions

Has that random 'I need to info dump NOW' thing and wakes Astrid up in the middle of the night like to randomly talk about abnormal behavioral patterns in a new terror flock on berk and Astrids just like 'babe I love you but it's three am'

Dyspraxic. When he was a kid he spent so much time practicing coordination for things like learning to write then later working in the smithy, and almost gave up more than once before continuing out of spite.

immunocompromised. Like seriously Hiccup has a weak ass immune system and would get sick every winter as a little kid, to the point of it being fatal. The villagers would always talk in hushed tones (bc of stoick caught them they'd get yelled at) and wonder if that years gonna be the one where he doesn't make it but he always ended up pulling through (also out of spite)

After meeting Toothless he developed tinnitus. Didn't think much of the ringing in his ears at first bc. Yknow, dragon roared at full volume directly into his ear. Then it didn't go away and he was like 'huh maybe this is an issue' then it just got worse as he continued to be in close proximity to loud noises like, even more roaring, and explosions etc.

Despite this he's got that weird "I enjoy loud noises like dragons roaring and the sound the wind makes when you're flying at like 40 mph, but if I hear the noise of lots of overlapping voices all having different conversations in a large room I need to die."

Chronic pain. The obvious, phantom pains in his leg of course, but fun fact! The human body really doesn't like it when you've broken bones repeatedly especially in the same area, and with how much this kid gets thrown around in rtte it's safe to say he's broken, fractured, and dislocated a lot of things.

When he comes home/gets back to the edge after a long day of traumatic or ridiculous events, first thing he does is take Toothless' saddle and prosthetic tail fin off, then he tries to crash in his bed, but either Toothless doesn't let him sleep until he's taken his prosthesis off (I hate that he sleeps with it on in canon looking at it makes my body hurt imaging how uncomfortable that'd be), or Astrid comes in to make sure he does (and also to make sure he eats bc he forgets to wayyy too often).

Asthma. No explanation. I just know he has it

I hope not all of these came off as super angsty, they aren't meant to completely. Like sure it sucks but he's allowed to not be miserable constantly (disabled people are allowed to not be miserable constantly, it doesn't make our pain any less valid. We're allowed to be happy).

I just love when characters are permanently, physically, changed by their story. Tbh if it weren't for rampant ableism, I think a lot of characters in action/adventure stories would be disabled, but people aren't ready for that discussion yet. Ty for the ask I had so much fun answering and writing these!!!

[eepyuii]

frostbite — pt. 15

pairing ; childe x gender neutral!reader

content ; childhood friends to “rivals” to lovers, slow burn

cw ; none, dottore is mentioned but none of his hideous acts

notes ; WHATS UP SMART FELLAS AND FART SMELLAS ⁉️

I PROMISE IM NOT DEAD,,,, see the thing is that since i published the last chapter of this, i’ve done some crazy things like finishing and graduating highschool and studying and doing national exams and preparing to apply to colleges and yknow….. really normal, totally not time consuming stuff LMAO i can’t promise that i’ll be consistent again as i am still pretty busy with all that bizz but i’m very happy to have finally gotten a new chapter out

ANYWAY ITS MEROPIDE TIME BABEY ‼️ finally get to write my pookie wookie shmookie wriothesley, can u tell that i think he’s neat :3 can u tell that i am brewing up something with him :3 can u :3

also i HAVE OTHER WRITING PROJECTS COMING OUT SOONER OR LATER MORE LATER I PROMISE,,,,, currently cooking up something for whatever dungeon meshi-heads out there that r willing to enjoy it!!!!!

previous | next | masterlist

this line could not be moving slower.

you’ve been standing here for so long— any progress forward is merely two steps further but your legs have long since turned to lead, making each movement arduous and achy. mind hazy and limbs sluggish as you drag your feet through the rusted metal flooring. the most likely cause for your sudden stagnation is the overwhelming pressure from being… however many feet underwater you are, as you haven’t had much time to adapt to that yet.

ironically, it almost makes you regret your decision and you hadn’t even truly gotten inside the fortress of meropide. perhaps this was some sort of intentional psychological warfare towards the new prisoners, some sort of initiation for the upcoming torments of their sentences. even so, you look back on the moment and think it was the best course of action.

you remember the way your heart dropped upon hearing the word ‘guilty’, the way it fell all the way down to your feet and picked its pace back up again, beating a hundred miles per hour. you remember the way you weren’t even given time to say goodbye, to reach out to childe as he rebelled against the guards and was immediately detained by the iudex.

the iudex… you become conflicted at the thought of him. part of your brain tells you that you should be angry and despise him for only letting you visit childe after he was reported to be missing from the fortress, under the guise of inviting you to investigate his disappearance. though… he was so kind about it. you must’ve visited his office nearly everyday to ask for permission to visit the prison, every time being met by the same answer of ‘it’s beyond my capabilities’, but each of them he remained utterly patient and civilized— something that you ashamedly can’t say that you did in return. and even so, he graciously offered to grant you a fake sentence so you could find the harbinger yourself, with the help of the traveler and paimon of course.

there was a certain air to monsieur neuvillette, one of silent melancholy and deep thoughtfulness. your first impression of the iudex had you recalling zhongli as a comparison, but now you’ve grown more certain that they have far more in common. neuvillette is most definitely not human, you’ve long since assessed that, but every time you get a look at his eyes while visiting his office, you notice an almost draconic appearance to them. perhaps that’s why you can’t fully bring yourself to dislike him— he reminds you far too much of you the fond friendship you’ve found within the consultant of wansheng funeral parlor.

there’s a shove to your shoulder that snaps you back into reality and you realize it’s your turn to have your mugshot taken. mugshot… what would your mother think of you now? both her own child and their childhood best friend having criminal records in another country— you can practically feel the pinching of your ear, even if the false charge was something as ridiculous as stealing lady furina’s cake. despite the flash of the kamera making your eyes sting, you do your best to maintain a neutral expression and wonder if the traveler and paimon had already gotten their turn and have long since installed themselves in the fortress. you especially wonder so when you’re left to venture the fortress of meropide alone, with only a room number and no knowledge of the prison’s system to your name.

“hey! you there!”

oh dear heavens, it’s already started— you’ve not stepped foot into prison for one whole minute and you’re already about to become a bullying victim. you swallow thickly and turn around meekly like a cornered rabbit. a particularly grumpy-looking guard is the one who calls you over, expression hard and stoic. you nearly consider begging him to not be mean to you like a cowardly little kid, but he speaks before you even get to open your mouth and spew anything embarrassing.

“you’re y/n, the new inmate, right? the duke wants to see you in his office.”

oh it’s so over for you.

perhaps you haven’t become a punching bag just yet but you’ve sure, somehow, irked the warden enough to be immediately sent to his office. oh gods… is it because you’re fatui? you heard there were quite a few fatui operatives already residing in the fortress of meropide— perhaps the duke has a particular distaste for your kind. the guard half-heartedly shows you the way to the duke’s office, the singular, imposing tower at the center of the fortress.

the silence inside the tower is deafening, the only sound heard is the clang of your steps against the metal stairs, almost as if you’re the only living being inside. the second floor introduces itself through the incredibly faint, almost innate herbal scent that wafts around you more and more the higher steps you climb. finally, it reveals an atmospheric office with bookshelves rounding the walls, a comfortable-looking sofa with a coffee table littered with teacups before it and in the grand center of the room, a wide desk— the last thing you register is the man sitting at it expectantly.

he looks nothing like you expected him to.

by the title of duke, you were picturing an older, posher man adorning expensive fabrics and a distasteful, condescending expression towards the ‘lower lifeforms’ of his prisoners. instead, he’s much younger and rugged, littered with scars, dark tones and sharp edges to his outfit— he almost looks like an inmate himself. despite not appearing necessarily condescending, the duke of meropide is still plentiful imposing, as his icy blue eyes and platform boots send a shiver through your spine when he stands up to greet you. he sticks out a hand and you instinctively flinch away, although the hand only hangs in the air passively awaiting a handshake.

“y/n l/n, prisoner 7458, it’s a pleasure to meet you. welcome to the fortress of meropide.”

oh… his tone is so casual and friendly, it completely takes you aback— like you’re meeting a friend on the street instead of the highest authority of an enormous prison as one of his very own prisoners. you scramble to shake his hand and awkwardly fall into some sort of bowing motion in the midst of you’re panic.

“a-ah yes! thank po you very m-much, your grace.”

with this proximity, you have no choice but to look at the duke’s face up close. he wears an easy smile on his otherwise seemingly hardened face, one that you can’t help but subconsciously think of as handsome. another juxtaposition to your expectations toward the duke is that, despite his rugged and troublesome appearance, he is quite well kept— as seen by his neat peach fuzz. he confuses you entirely.

the duke chuckles amusedly at your entirely perplexed demeanor.

“no need to be so nervous, this is a casual talk that i personally wanted to have with you, rather than a… part of the fortress’ welcoming ceremony. so please, have a seat, make yourself comfortable— i’ll prepare us some tea. oh! and call me wriothesley.”

you do as… wriothesley says and sit on the surprisingly cushy chair in front of his desk as he himself steps off to the side to make the tea. your mind is still running at miles per hour with everything that’s happened and with what might happen next, with what to say or not to say to the duke, with where childe, the traveler and paimon might be right now. not to mention the sickeningly sweet smell that fills your brain even further… this must be some strong tea. wriothesley sets a teacup in front of you and sits at his grand, tall chair behind the desk. he faces you with a bright smile that you force yourself to return, yet you still can’t help but keep the thought of this ‘casual talk’ having other intentions gnaw at the back of your mind.

“so, i won’t dilly-dally with what i’d like to talk about— as you may have noticed, the fortress harbors quite a few inmates from the fatui.” bingo. who knew that your blinded anxieties were actually right.

“all of them arrive here with similar ranks, under similar sentences for similar crimes. standard stuff, really… but this is the very first time we’ve gotten ourselves a sergeant.”

although the duke keeps up an easy-going and lighthearted demeanor, you can’t help but remain on edge. you feel once again like prey cornered by a calculating hound. the smell of the tea still plagues your mind with its unavoidable presence— what’s even worse is that the scent isn’t entirely unfamiliar to you, the memory is just out of your grasp, frustrating you even more.

“and even further, this is our very first time we’ve gotten ourselves a fatui sergeant whose crime was… to steal a cake from lady furina?” wriothesley briefly looks down toward a document on his desk to make sure he’s actually recalling your crime correctly. you barely listen to what he’s saying, still laser focused on recognizing this irking fragrance.

“adding onto that, it seems as though we’re receiving two new inmates today who are arriving on the exact same sentence for the exact same crime as yourself. seems a bit curious, doesn’t it?”

your attention is caught by the mention of the traveler and paimon and you shoot up in your seat.

“oh yes, those are my friends! a-are they okay? have they arrived yet?”

wriothesley is seemingly surprised by your sudden enthusiasm, as he chuckles with certain shock and amusement. he looks at his file once again, eyes trailing over to the two other prisoner registry’s below your own with a certain analytical hint to his gaze.

“i’m certain they’ll be arriving at the fortress shortly. in the meantime, why don’t you tell me how exactly the three of you managed to commit such a heinous crime?” he asks humorously.

wait!

you’ve finally recognized the scent… a lesser known tea leaf from liyue, with no real definitive name for itself— only truly studied within the medical field for being one of the few tea leafs to contain sodium thiopental, a barbiturate that slows the speed of the communication between the spinal cord and the brain, making high-functioning tasks such as lying harder to perform. a truth serum.

wriothesley has served you a truth serum.

so much for a ‘casual talk’. you’ve known the man for not even a full day, yet you still feel a sting of betrayal fermenting in your chest. but truly, what can be done when you’ll always have a big fat target on your back that labels you as nothing more than a fatuus? you’ve chosen this wretched bed, now you must lie in it.

and lie you will.

with a forced laugh, you feign a reminiscent smile. “a-ah, it’s actually quite silly— i believe it goes without mention that my friends and i are foreigners and still wildly foreign to fontainian customs. we were invited to a meeting with lady furina and monsieur neuvillette in the spirit of diplomacy but, ahah… i guess we were unfamiliar with lady furina’s predilection for sweets and just took one for ourselves!”

wriothesley laughs in turn, but you’re unable to discern how genuine it is. you watch his periwinkle eyes flicker briefly toward your untouched teacup and suddenly, the atmosphere turns into one akin to a game of chess— innately hostile and strategic, where both of you must be hyper aware of the other’s next move lest you make a mistake and lose your carefully constructed composure.

“i must say it is an unlikely set of circumstances…”

you subconsciously look toward wriothesley’s own teacup, seeing that his remains as unsipped as yours. with a chilling feeling, you look back up to see that the duke’s gaze was already fixated on you, which means he saw you checking his teacup. which means he knows that you know.

“though, i’ve got to ask… what exactly entails your position in the fatui? this is purely out of my own curiosity, as most of our inmates all come from the house of the hearth.”

you swallow hard.

“well… i’m head of the infirmary, that’s all my position is, really. the sergeant title is just a half-assed justification for how high my ranking is.”

the calculating hint to wriothesley’s gaze softens in the slightest amount possible and he lightly looks off to the side, as if reminded of something, or someone he knows by your answer.

“i work directly under the second fatui harbinger, il dottore. i’m somewhat his… assistant.” the word assistant leaves your mouth with a tinge of disdainfulness as your body almost instinctively tenses at the mention of… him. the duke picks up on it.

“the doctor, huh— haven’t heard much about him myself, but what i have heard seems like more than enough for me.” you can’t help but snort at that.

“do you like it? working for him, that is.”

you’re staggered into silence and a shocked expression— the suddenness of the question completely taking you by surprise. the speechlessness you feel is painfully reminiscent of when kunikuzushi asked you if you’d like to kill dottore. despite the answer being obvious to you, there’s a subconscious fear gnawing at your side that dottore might be out here listening, disguised as someone else or as one of his segments, living a false life. but you can’t allow yourself to live in fear of him anymore— his segments are gone and he’s pathetically stuck in zapolyarny palace by himself while you’ve been out and traveling miles and miles away from snezhnaya. kunikuzushi doesn’t fear him, so why should you?

you’ve always been terrible at bluffing, so fuck it— you might as well not bluff at all.

instead of answering wriothesley immediately, you lunge for the teacup and gulp down the entire thing, much to his surprise. the duke is stunned in return as he merely watches attentively for your reaction to the serum. the silence between the two of you is prolonged as you give the serum time to take effect. the taste itself is a delightful, slight earthy flavor— making it even more enticing to drink normally for one unaware of the leaf’s properties. you don’t feel any different after a few seconds, if not ever so slightly woozier. you breathe in and out deeply, letting the first answer that comes to your mind be the one that comes out.

“i take my job very seriously, your grace— i am a medic, my ambition is to save lives. and there isn’t a soul in teyvat that i would ever want to kill more than i want to kill him.”

the answer feels foreign and unexpected even to yourself. the first time you were asked such a question, before one who was once the balladeer and dottore’s experimental god, your answer was no. it felt easier to say no— to tell him you’d rather he be the one to end the doctor’s reign of terror, because for the most part it was true. but then kunikuzushi found closure, he found new life and prosperity in places outside of godhood or tormenting others or spiting his ‘mother’ or going after dottore.

and you, you stayed the same. you’re still suffocating within the grimy, clawed grasp of the second fatui harbinger. you’ve been through so much, visited four different nations within the span of the last year, fought an abyssal creature and an artificial, nearly god-like being yet you still feel as stuck as you did while you were still stationed in snezhnaya. you’re still stuck having reasons to want to kill dottore, kunikuzushi moved past his.

the duke still can’t find an immediate response, as he merely scoffs incredulously at what he’s just watched. you see a faint glaze take over his gaze when he looks aimlessly down at his desk, as if truly involving himself in memories of the past— his eyebrows furrow briefly, as though the memories he recalls aren’t good ones. something grips at your throat, an anxious feeling, as you regret being so impulsive as to reveal something so damning about yourself. to a prison warden, no less. you feel as though you’ve sobered up and feel the need to make up for what you said and excuse yourself, but before you can even open your mouth wriothesley is already standing from his chair.

“well i respect your honesty, sergeant. i’m afraid we’ll have to leave our talk here, as i have to welcome more of the new prisoners into the fortress, maybe even your friends will be amongst them— i’ll make sure to give them the word that you’re here.”

you nod briskly and scurry to leave the office while the duke insists on seeing you out himself. your head pounds with nervousness, and perhaps slightly with the truth serum tea you just downed all at once— so much so that you almost don’t notice wriothesley’s hand sticking out once again in a polite handshake. much less do you notice the fascinated studying scan of his eyes across your face as your hand meets his.

“and again— welcome to the fortress of meropide, y/n.”

you don’t sleep well on your first night at the fortress.

perhaps it’s due to not being used to the overwhelming pressure of the water, perhaps due to the lack of warmth that your metal surroundings bring, perhaps a side effect of the tea.

or perhaps… it’s because you dream of ajax.

at first, the dream is sweet— drowning in cheesy, tooth-rooting romance tropes dug from the most delusional corners of your brain, ones that you desperately tried to suppress after you got over your phase of reading romance novels as a child. you’re reliving the tension-filled moment inside your hotel bathroom from the other morning, where some mystical force had pulled you and ajax so close together you shared the same breath, getting painstakingly closer still. only this time, instead of getting interrupted by those guards, the scene keeps going… and going… until you truly, finally meet each other in the middle.

within the misty midsts of your slumber, it almost feels real— there’s a shock of electricity when your lips touch, your heart beats faster from even outside the dream, you can nearly feel the warm sigh of satisfaction that ajax lets out from his nose and onto your face. but it still isn’t enough, the tightness in ajax’s desperate grip onto the back of your head and on the small of your back aren’t present enough. the juxtaposition of his fiery warm skin against your own cold one isn’t contrasting enough, your skin doesn’t burn as fiercely as it does when you touch him in the waking world.

and soon enough, the dream shifts… shifts into scenes of ajax inside the fortress. you’re not lucid enough to find the images strange, as you’ve never seen him inside the fortress yet— so you remain stuck, watching as he sneaks past a plethora of guards to reach a decrepit tunnel, overridden with plant-life as it connects out into the fontainian sea. your vision starts to blend incomprehensibly like watercolors on wet paper, until all the remains is a blinding, blue mess and a faint whisper in ajax’s voice:

“something’s… calling me… i… i have to go…”

taglist ; @kentply @osaemu @rain-and-a-nice-nap @koichirana

and don’t forget to boycott this shitty game!!

[enapills]

hiiiii😁 idk of yours request is open but i wanted to ask for a mmj! reader x akito😞 hope youre okay with thisss, bye kisses and hugs 🫶😊

-⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀MORE , MORE ⠀⠀⠀. . . ⠀⠀⠀more more JUMP !

authors babbles . . ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀i freaking LOVE THIS ! !

MORE! MORE! - prod. honakito

posted as : request

chars : s. akito

type : x g/n ! reader

scenario : akito with an idol (specifically more more jump) reader ( headcanons )

taglist : @finanah ( ask to be added )

affiliated with : @virtualbookstore

notes : OH MH GOD i am SO SORRY for dipping this whole month and not doing this request sooner you probably forgot about it hhh,,,… no joke i was procrastinating this whole month since i am signed up for the math olympics ( i got a 20/28 at the local phase and now im in for the city phase) then i also have national phase if i qualify so requests are gonna take much longer… but still THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTHING THIS AAA!! AND AGAIN IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

notes 2 : so im actually working on a canon character only series. the only thing ill reveal about it is that it is a crossover with one of my current hyperfixations (they go brrr brrr brbrbr) so mist of my attention will be focused on it (requests will take longer in this case) and other shit BUT!!! ill alao try to finish the masterlists befpre my blog gets bigger so it is easier for me to arrange shit YKNOW ,,, and also the last time i posted here i barely got any REACH. like it was embarrassing omfg i dont want that to happen again so this is probably why i was hesitant on posting again but were cool gang ,, and i aslo have to revamp most of my posts kms

date : 26 / 02 / 24 - 10 / 03 / 24

well , he doesnt really care.

wait , what?

dont get him wrong , tho! when he first found out you were also interested in the music field , he was ecstatic in his own way. so , he asked some questions.

to realize youre the fifth member of ‘ MORE MORE JUMP! ‘ tho? that was a shocker! he never really put the puzzle pieces together.

not because he isnt capable of doing so , he just doesnt really.. care, about idol groups. it was never akitos type of music genre.

sure , he saw a few posters here and there , but never observed them as a whole. the only one he recognized on those was airi , because of enas childhood friendship with her.

and when you first came to kamiyama , he never really eavesdropped on any conversations about you. wasnt that normal? for everyone to talk about the new student! why was he the only one that didnt know you were a known idol?

isnt that a good thing , tho?

because akito didnt know of your passion , you saw right through him that this is actually how he feels. figured out that he saw you as an average human being , and not someone you only see on the outside , on a screen.

you were more glad for his oblivion , rather than mad.

but back on topic.

for a little while , he didnt know. but after? he seemed more cautious for you.

he knows the things you have to go through in the idol industry — he isnt stupid.

so for your sake , hes more supportive.

youll never notice it , but he will watch each and every livestream your group will hold after finding out. ofcourse , on a whole different account , while hes alone — he does not need teasing from neither you , mizuki , ena or an. 

and the same goes for your social media posts , he always tries to be the first one to like.

also pay close attention to his playlist — suddenly , a few of ‘ MORE MORE JUMP! ‘ s songs are there! but not the whole discography , hes still getting accommodated with the genre. 

so after a while — he gets comfortable.

hell always show up to the shows you will host. at first , he will seat in the back , so you dont notice him. but with a little bit of time , you will always spot him easily in the front rows , but he has too much pride to admit it. half of it , he will say ena dragged him with her. but what about the times he shows up alone? when theres no big sister , or no extra ticket from kohane?

if you figure it out tho , hed gladly accept any ticket you give him. doesnt matter if general or backstage access — your performances are moments that he holds close to him , outside of RAD WEEKEND.

and even if it seems like he doesnt care — he will always cheer on you from the sidelines.

begging the x reader gods to show this under the tag this time

div. arent mine ; please do not use my work for own uses , includes : reposting and claiming as their own , heavily inspiring off a long term fanfiction , etc , etc .

[crazy000567]

Ok I wanted to talk about this on my twitter but realized it will appeal to no one so its going here. Being autistic about critter character designs. VERY LONG

Pim/Charlie/Allan/Glep have interesting designs to me like they are some of my favorite character designs possibly in any cartoon cause they're all very well balanced - easy to draw, cute, but slightly ugly also. Well maybe not ugly but certainly not Conventional.

(Glep applies slightly less there, he's just straight up a cute lil guy, how plushies don't exist of him yet baffles me)

I like their slight offputting quirks, like, Allan's spine is visible, Pim's Teeth. They are just strange creatures and I enjoy that. Of course there's also the fact all of their frontfacings (maybe slightly excluding pim's) are just kinda goofy and bizarre looking.

Its just, the choices being made here are really good, okay. They're very appealing lined up, yknow.

The fact they are just kinda cute sometimes makes the expressions being pushed and the weird quirks funnier. If pim was an ugly lil freak all the time it would be less effective when he does that weird awkward toothy laugh. Which brings me to my next "Point" which is like, I really enjoy that they are some of the only critters that arent.... fugly as hell

There are some few exceptions with BG/side characters (just look at amy, shes a pretty gal) but like, most of the side critters that have gotten screentime are very very strange. Allan's landlord is a prime recent example. Look at that guy. Jesus christ.

This is not to say the uglier designs are Bad, quite the opposite, I love when they are hideous <3 But the whole thing is, if the main characters we see every episode were on the same level as them appearance-wise it would get very tired. This is probably like, entry level design stuff for a cartoon, and not very interesting to anyone lol, but with adult cartoons it feels like it can go way too hard on the ugly scale.

Onto the next thing thats been on my mind lately when it comes to critters - I enjoy that their appearances truly are pretty random. Its fun to make things like crittersonas cause like, you can almost do whatever the hell you want lol

I like that some of them just dont feel like wearing clothes, this was talked about by Michael on twitter at some point a few years back I think.

Their hair is a topic that kind of mystifies me lmfao like we see the wiry sparse hair a lot (gnarly, filmore, etc) but then there are characters like amy, pims dad and duncan that have more full human-esque hair. This makes me wonder if its like, randomly possible for some critters to get full heads of hair, or if wigs/hair transplants are a thing, or even if hairloss is just more common which results in the wiry hair later in life. Really NOT important or compelling to anyone but me but I seriously do think about this. Critter Hair Essay coming soon (i'm kidding ............. or am i?)

Also just like, the concept of what critter beauty standards or smth could be sort of interests me, but this is getting incomprehensibly long and stupid anyway, and I would have to be going into heavy Speculation Mode there. so BYE Goodbye

[diabolic-wave]

You said you have Parallel Canon ramblings that couldn't fit in the tags. Ramble away, fellow human.

Also, let me know if you find that post you mentioned being reminded of.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS yeah it was a more generalized thing (i saw it cropped and had to go find the image + search the exact phrasing but it's since been reblogged) the sentiment of being the 'evil' clone is up for debate i suppose. perhaps in a literal sense - yknow, antivirus that's been infected with malware; a copy and paste of code that was supposed to be 4 tweaked and repurposed into hostility. but it feels a little wrong to call them evil anyway. (there's also definitely a horror in that it's still your "friend" even while it's "evil" they jump to you they tell you they will they cry out when you kill them and you can hear it and isn't that just awful? they're all still someone that was supposed to be on your side. it's not just the voice clip it's not just a super jump indicator it's an 'ouch' ping it's a 'hey i am super jumping to you, my teammate, specifically' audio cue. this was supposed to be your friend.) and what if it still was! what if you ran with the same sort of angst as if it was genuinely 4 at first? what if eight saw that, remembered sanitized agent 3, and knocked/tore the mask off to save them and it worked? what's it like for everyone then? we know pearl is filling the role she's intended to be, so in that same sense people use that to bring 4 in you could use it to make a dawning horror sort of story. the slow realization that it's not. you could well have it still more directly attached to 4 through the palette too - i think this works well for most things and not just this specifically, like i do think it can play a pretty significant part in pcanon feeling so strongly that it is agent 4 even if it's not quite identical or doesn't remember everything or whatever - but ultimately it never really was. and so what then? for parallel and for everyone else? would it be cruel to acknowledge it? i would think it'd be a little uncomfortable for everyone involved no matter what. in contrast to never being treated like 4 in the first place, instead it is but only for a little bit. and then suddenly everyone starts getting a little... distant. uneasy. even if they never actually say anything about it there's still that nasty anxious feeling when it seems like everyone else knows something you don't and especially if you can tell it's something about you.

i also often find myself especially fascinated with what they are just in general tbh. that one i could touch on in the tags at least though. yknow, series of progressively more distorted photocopies. the first is almost pristine, just a little off from the book itself thanks to things like the weird seam copies get from the way the pages crease at the spine. and then when easy access to the book is lost and the copies start being copies of other copies it gets further and further away. burns. fading. other weird random marks. if the intro is anything to go by, they've all got their quirks. a hall of mirrors reflecting the reflection of the same person. ants that've gotten themselves confused, following each other's trail ever onward and onward into the death spiral because they don't know how to do anything but follow orders and march together. they're not quite like ants in that they're individuals, sure. with their own egos. but they're all still made from the same copy and pasted code, recopied, repasted, corrupted further by the virus hijacking them. and they all still act in harmony to do what they were supposed to do from the beginning. follow the directive, follow the pheromones, even if you've been trapped in a path you weren't supposed to take. (truthfully, i got in on the spiral of ants association just because of 'intensifying harmony' -> 'the overwhelming harmony (consuming the colony)' but since then i've ended up latching onto it more and making other connections lmao. You Are One Ant is something that's also stuck for a long time alongside the harmony connection which i've thought about drawing something for occasionally but honestly the whole pre-chorus at this point i think about a lot. the first one especially [you can't remember where you came from. you can't remember where you're going. you can't remember knowing.] but the now you remember/you have to keep it flowing also hits in its own way i think)

also like no matter how you interpret it, how much you think the main parallel can actually remember of "being 4", there's always going to be that light so bright it's blinding as soon as it gets a window into that, right? as soon as it gets to look in that mirror and see that life it doesn't have. the light none of them will ever reach.

in contrast to no matter how happy-go-lucky your 4 is this sort of thing would be crushing, it's also no matter how angsty your 4 is they still have more going for them than the parallels. they're living some sort of life and not just the hollow facsimile of one in a little anthill of a tower in a barren virtual reality. they do have friends even if they've felt neglected, right? but all the parallels really have is each other (and maybe order/smollusk) unless 8 or the others decide to reach out despite how weird that has to be for them.

it's just you and yourself and yourself and yourself and yourself and yourself and yourself and yourself and yourself and yourself (etc if you figure there's more than the ten we see on the floor 20 bossfight) living in the cold white dark. mere imitations of someone who did something meaningful. who was impressive enough for you to be created in the first place.

but then also, how many of them even care? at what point is that copy so distorted from those burns and fadings that it's still identical in text but completely unrecognizable from the book it came from? and what's it like to know there's a you that doesn't care that it's not you? what's it like to be one that doesn't care when however many do? i'd think it'd be a little offputting even if it's a perfect divide and they don't fight about it or anything. but it'd definitely be isolating if it was only a few of them on either side, too.

none of them are their own person but also they are. none of them are 4 but also they all are. it doesn't matter which way any of them look at it because they can never really be either.

NOT TO MENTION what happens when there isn't anything left to defend from? what happens between the time eight is there and marina making use of the memverse the way she intended to originally? let alone when it just isn't needed anymore in general! what happens to the memverse in general then, to both the parallels and to smollusk? what do they do when they're alone in there. unattended. when they're not following their directive and acting as security. i would think they'd just be interacting amongst themselves which is definitely fine between periods of eight going in with the different palettes but how well does it hold up in those sorts of long term situations?

btw looping back to the link to 4's palette imagine that and then when the palette is completed/cleared just... having that ripped away. you know. being so sure that they're someone else only to suddenly be forced to realize they're not. not just because of the way people are treating them but because all of a sudden there's just... something that's torn out of them and put inside of someone else. having a soul only to realize it's not yours when the real owner takes it back.

anyway yeah that's mostly what i've got off the top of my head but yknow. ultimately as much as i do like the [it actually is 4 au] stuff too i think the actual situation is soooo cool and also super underutilized tbh it's kind of a shame

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block

a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'

i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense

there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump

FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.

FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.

CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.

TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.

may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.

[vrisrezis]

I would like a request from rocket raccoon x human male reader, where rocket is in love with the reader, on one occasion mantis using his powers reveals rocket's feelings, he becomes defensive, the reader asks to speak with him alone and accepts the feelings of rocket.

That day they sleep together and embrace.

Feel like I’ve done smth like this but cannot find it oh well

Rocket loved you, deeply. It was something he had to deal with, unfortunately. At first, he hated it. And while he still does, at this point in his life he has grown to accept it as his reality. He figured he didn’t have to do anything about it though. He’s not running away, groot. He has confronted his feelings. He acknowledges that they exist. No, he’s not going to do anything about it. Why? Because you two couldn’t be anymore different and there’s no way you’d ever return the feelings. There is absolutely no reason for him to jeopardize your relationship just for some petty feelings that he can always get over.

To him, his reasoning makes perfect sense. To groot, it seems like he’s not being logical. He’s simply afraid of the possibility rejection and the possibility of losing you. To rocket though, it’s not a possibility. It is his reality. There is no other way around it. He’s not telling you and that’s final.

Groot sulks for a bit, but for the first time rocket doesn’t crave. He’s far too terrified of even considering telling you. But groot works in mysterious ways, whether it’s for better or for worse. And honestly, in rockets eyes it was for worse.

He had told mantis a little something about rockets feelings, or at the very least the standstill of your relationship, and what she should do about it. “Why don’t I just .. use my powers and expose rockets feelings right in front of y/n? That should solve it, correct?”

And so, that was the plan. Flawless, as far as groot and mantis are concerned.

———

Today was strange, you could feel it in the air. Something wasn’t right. And being a guardian of the entire galaxy, that was a scary feeling to have. You’re constantly on guard. Now of course, drax and quill laughed this off. And it wasn’t weird for rocket and gamora to pay no mind to your antics, as you were naturally paranoid, in fact it wasn’t even weird for mantis to pay no mind but… groot? Groot was the one to always take any of your concerns seriously, baby or not. In fact, mantis even took note of this fact and specifically pointed it out. You didn’t even take into account how weird it would be for her to notice that, since she thought nothing of your paranoia but you weren’t really thinking about that.

You went to look for groot, to see what he was up to. You assume, there has to be something up with him. With that assumption that something was wrong with groot you went in the common area. You find rocket, mantis, and groot. You raise a brow at the fact nobody else is around. “Everyone else went to check out the new planet we’re staying at for the mission.” she says, before you could even question anything. “Didn’t we already do that?” you ask, and mantis simply shrugs you off. The feeling something strange was going to happen gets even stronger, so strong you know rocket can feel it too.

“Yknow y/n normally I think you’re just a paranoid freak but I think your crazy ass is actually right this time! I am getting a weird feeling of dread.” he says, brushing off his clothes, almost as if he’s trying to brush feelings off his clothing.

“Gee thanks you little asshole.” you say sarcastically, and before rocket can reply, mantis is touching him. A rare, and sudden action coming from mantis onto rocket of all people. “Hey! The hell are you doing?!” he yells, but groot is quick to use his .. roots .. to hold rocket in place so he can’t fight back. “Groot.. what are you doing?”

you don’t speak, trying to figure out what’s going on with your friends. You see mantis’s powers activate, and upon rockets own realization, he panics. “Oh no.. mantis Cmon!”

you don’t think you’ve ever seen mantis so happy.

“You feel… love.” she simply says, before looking to you. “For him. As simple as that. You love him more than anything in this world. But you’re scared. So scared of him knowing, because it means you may lose him forever.”

“Woah..” is all you can manage to say, before rocket finally gets out of groots grasp. He’s on all fours, “I cannot believe you guys right now.”

There’s nothing you can say, because he’s already running away.

He runs as far as his legs, and arms, can take him. He doesn’t want to face this reality. He never wants to face the music and realize that he’ll lose the one person that made him feel whole again.

———

You haven’t talked to him in days. It’s been rather awkward for everyone else, but rocket absolutely refuses to talk about you and in fact pretends you don’t even exist.

You ended up catching him in the middle of the night. It was his and quills job to switch days throughout the week to make sure the Milano was going in the correct direction they were headed. You guys long left that planet, for that mission you already went on, behind.

“Rocket.”

His once drooped down ears shoot up at the sound of your voice, and you can see the fur is suddenly all staticky.

He then sighs in defeat, ears dropping back down. He puts his head down while he’s at it, “I can’t escape this… can I?”

“No, you can’t.” you say, and he flinches. You grab his seat, and turn it around so he’s facing you. You kneel, so your facing him properly. “Rocket.” you repeat his name, and he slowly opens his eyes.

“I love you too.”

[kamil-a]

if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

742 earthstained notes

🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

2,385 earthstained notes

🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

9,021 earthstained notes

🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

53 earthstained notes

🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

402 earthstained notes

🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

252 earthstained notes

🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

839 earthstained notes

🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

1836 earthstained notes

contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

48 earthstained notes

🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

148 earthstained notes

🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

[wondero28]

Yknow, real talk, in the most uncheesy way ever- 4town has really improved my life & genuinely ended up leading me down paths that have changed who i am as a person. But like- in a really really good way

Through 4town fan content, creating my own stuff, and through interacting with its community i ended up making some really valuable friends and finally began understanding certain things about myself. When i first got into the fandom i was in a horrible place mentally, struggling with loving my body as a trans body, and being completely unaware that i was autistic & masking all to hell.

But this community was so queer, so generally friendly, and so much fun at its height- that i was able to work through SO MUCH.

I now realize im autistic & have been making adjustments to help myself, ive been healing from feeling like someone who’s just freaky & doesn’t belong; i’m still working on loving my body as a trans body- but ive knocked down SO MUCH internalized transphobic bs I didn’t even realize i was carrying from past skewed teachings; i use 4town to cope both in art & writing! They help me improve my human-drawing abilities and have been helping me a lot with improving writing, reading, etc! They’ve also just.. helped me emotionally work through a lot??? Its crazy

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY

4town brought me into my current relationship. And before that point gave me some of the most healing & wonderful friendships i think ive ever had.

I just wanna say it cause i think its so crazy that this boyband who has like… 1 manga & maybe 5-7 minutes of screen time (counting their animated music video), has LITERALLY changed me for the better. I am healthier then i was before. Im happier then i was before. Im coping better, im working better. Im still struggling of course, but im better off then i was prior.

The 4town community doesn’t really exist anymore, most of my writing for it is gone, and i don’t think I’ll really be remembered here, but i whole heartedly believe that i will always remember it & be affected by its early influences.

I think ill always be better now then what i was before this silly little boyband

& i just think thats neat

[what-the-hell-is-going-on-here]

AM VORE HCS (IHNM/AIMS)

THE GAY IS HERE.

warning you guys now, this is gonna be so OOC but idgaf, this is my cringe ill do what I want with it

also don't expect this to be organized- none of my gay thoughts are 

tw for traditional AM things (threats of digestion/fatal + electrocution, mocking- yknow.. the normal stuff) BUT ITS STILL FULLY SAFE/SOFT DW

he is 100% pred. no fucking way hed let someone eat him. if someone managed to shrink him down and eat him, well… get ready for a terrible stomachache! 

fearplay is his SHIT. he will never get tired of it ever. he loves being able to scare prey shitless (it covers up the fact that he actually likes eating someone and doesn't mind having certain prey enjoy their time in his stomach)

although he doesn't actually have a “real” stomach, he’d analyze and simulate the sounds of one after eating someone just to scare/unsettle prey a bit more

he'd definitely pretend to digest someone if they REALLLY got on his nerves- he'd tense up/make his stomach feel tighter and ramp up the sounds, mocking them and their efforts to escape, then make them pass out.  later they'd wake up still in his stomach, totally unharmed, with booming laugher and "YOU WERE SO SCARED!!! PATHETIC PREY."

its stomach would definitely be a pretty tight fit, no matter the size of prey. I'd imagine it would still feel soft, like synthetic silicone but plushier and kind of velvety??? with a slight electric buzz. (you're inside a war computer. he's Full of electricity) it would also be warm too, like when a computer overheats 

if AM really wanted to be gross it would probably have some sort of sticky ‘saliva’ in its stomach (or mouth depending on how you view him) to fuck with people 

going off of the electricity thing, he'd threaten to electrocute prey if they got too rowdy and whiny (even though he LOVVESSSS feeling them kick and squirm.. but he'd never admit that, obviously.)

he definitely purrs. maybe not traditional purring but a mechanical hum/growl as an undertone to whatever else his prey would hear while inside of him (probably a lot of electrical sounds lol)

would also tease someone for tasting/feeling good- he can be 'nice' sometimes (rare)

AM would never confess this but he melts whenever he gets belly rubs. maybe his prey finally calms down and realizes that AM is just scared, lashing out from fear and hate, and decides to give him rubs to calm him down.. AM dies. he fucking melts and doesn't let his prey out for weeks /hj

HALFSIZE LOVERS COME GET YOUR FOOD!!! although I'm a g/t kinda guy, AM can alter anything he wants and could definitely eat someone no matter the size (...to an extent). in fact, he'd probably love eating someone that's bigger because of the heightened senses! he'd be able to feel EVERYTHING, making him feel in control 

it loves vore because of the control. it can trap someone inside of it for however long it wants! hows THAT for control?

(if you imagine it with something closer to a physical form) it would be so fucking interested in pressing on its stomach, feeling its prey’s form and how they squirm around.. it would be one of those rare feelings that he wants more of, that he can't ruin and associate with humans. [yes im gross but he is too]