#and realized everything i had was from the mid to late 2010s

[innko]

i don’t know who else needs to hear this but if your eye makeup isn’t from this decade it’s time to let it go

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 24: FFS (Things I Won't Get)

I have something terrible to confess, which is that at first I was not much of an FFS fan, at all. I actually actively DISLIKED most of what I've know from them at that point, which was what the Spotify algorithm seemed very content to throw at me whenever possible until it eventually forgot about it. Well, nothing wrong with that I guess, but I also want to think that most of my initial aversion to this project came from how I was still pretty, uh, close-minded in a sense when it comes to music at the time (and I'm saying all this as though FFS is even THAT much of a departure from Sparks, which it's really not? But maybe I just I saw it differently back then, which I guess is also fair).

But yeah anyway, I had a huge change of heart a couple months later, decided that all these songs are incredibly cool actually and I'm a huge fan now. This is a very solid collaboration and album and I'm so glad this happened. Like, it really is among my very favourite things from Sparks that I barely ever think about in such terms for some reason. Because I've noticed that I treat FFS more like a compliation than an album maybe? Cause yeah I'm pretty sure this is the only album where I have 30-40+ plays on several songs and only around 5 or so on a couple others. And I'm not super attached to the order of the tracklist either, and I'm mostly saying this because I've been a 100% albums over playlists type of person for the longest time. I will listen to the whole album start to end even if I don't like everything on it. It's like, well, if I like the whole thing enough to revisit it, then too bad, I'm sitting through it all until I can enjoy everything on it to at least some extent.

Overall, to me this album embodies that mid-2010s electro pop / indie rock energy that I love very deeply, in the sense that it feels appropriate to think, had I known about it back in the day, I feel like I would have LOVED it and it would have been my personal soundtrack of those early middle-school years of my life (or even earlier, I have this one note of me saying that "FFS is so primary school-core it hurts", so. While it didn't exist in the world yet at that time it still FEELS like that time, and I absolutely love it when music reminds me of a period in my life from around its release even if I was absolutely not aware of it yet at that point. It's like this source of free nostalgia that you didn't know would be attainable from this particular place.)

Also I will just say that it's ENTIRELY because of FFS that I eventually decided to give FF a go as well, and now I'd consider them one of my favourite bands, so, well, heck yeah to that!!

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

Johnny Delusional: oh yeah, I think it's important to note that it was especially THIS song that I found annoying as heck in the beginning. I thought it got very schematic and predictable at points (the long pause after the bridge especially I found to be so.... ahhhh come on, I could see this coming from a mile away!!) All of, which... well, maybe that was still a valid point in a way, but who cares since I love this song now, absolutely and completely and it's just soooo replayable. Every day is a good day to listen to Johnny Delusional a dozen of times

Call Girl: huge huge fan of the intro on this one and that whole wobbly synth sound it has

Dictator's Son: I really like that little guitar riff moment during the bridge

Police Encounters: notably the only FFS song among those early ones for me that I really liked from the start. And it's the ultimate jam, it's incredible how instantly happy and energized this song always makes me feel even after so many listens

Save Me From Myself

So Desu Ne: maybe the biggest offender (positively) when it comes to that "primary school-core" sound. Those cutesy synths are so important to me personally

The Man Without A Tan: realized quite regrettably late how much of a banger this is

Things I Won't Get: you know how it is with me and Russell's falsetto

So Many Bridges

[imnottheonlyone]

what happened to high school?

When I was young, I thought high school students were so cool and grown up. I watched as they started driving, dating, having sex, and going to parties and I couldn't wait to be that fun age. Now that I am in high school, where has the fun gone?

As people have realized, generations are starting to look younger and younger. When you imagine a senior in high school, you often don't imagine the people that I go to school with. Their baby faces haven't gone away and the growth spurts have not hit yet. Part of the appeal of high school is the feeling of adulthood and maturity, not only in the classes you take or your social endeavors, but in the way you look. I don't know if it's because there isn't as much of an age gap between myself and a senior in high school now, but when I was little, they just looked so old. I don't see that anymore. 

Also, technology is nowhere near new and exciting. It's a part of our everyday lives and I will resent that for the rest of my life. While it comes in handy for teaching and grading, and Google is a major plus, it shouldn't be our only source of school these days. I rarely get assignments on paper and honestly, I wish they were. I want physical copies and mementos from my high school days. Not to mention, I don't even have a real school identification card. It's in an app. 

When social media and technology was new and exciting, it acted as a third space for teenagers. Like malls and roller rinks in the eighties and nineties, Tik Tok, Instagram and Tumblr are the "hang-out spots" for teenagers in the late 2010s and 2020s. In the early to mid-2010s, teenagers still went to malls and roller rinks to hang with friends while also adjusting to the new online world. It was a place for teenagers to communicate their ideas and express themselves. Now it has become a part of everything. I almost never have conversations where someone doesn't whip out their phone mid sentence

Also, we have no defining trends for our generation. Social media has brought forth something called the microtrend. A song, make-up look or body type will be a trend for two weeks before out short-attention spanned peers decide it's not interesting or cool anymore and move on to something else. While the nineties had grunge and glamor and the eighties had acid wash denim and big hair, the 20s has....leggings? And Utah curls? What I mean is, when you think of the 1990s, a specific image comes to mind. Grunge music and dark eye make-up. When you think of the eighties you picture big curly hair and neon spandex. When you think of the 2020s, nothing in specific comes to mind because we can't decide on one thing. Nothing is interesting or cool enough anymore. We live in such a capitalist, consumerist society that once we engage in something too much, it becomes boring and we have to find something else. Social media and influencers only amplify that. I don't know if it's Gen-Z's push-back on being categorized or defined by anything, or if nothing is good enough anymore. 

And don't even get me started on the music. In the 20th-century, different music trends came and went. In the 70s hair metal and power ballads became huge. In the 80s glam metal, synth, and pop started to materialize and in the 90s alternative rock, grunge, nu metal, and boy-bands made their breakthrough. This overbearing control of the music industry made music a novelty and allowed teenagers to be a part of a subculture. When punk came about in the 70s and goth in the 70s and 80s, it allowed teenagers to interact with another and create relationships because of the subculture they identified with. This made high school the stereotypical version we see in 90s and early-2000s movies. The goths sit over here and the popular kids sit over there. Even in the 90s with grunge and the 2000s with emo. Though to come it seemed “clique-y”, it made making friends and self-expression more cohesive and less stand-out. Even into the early 2010s, those who liked pop punk, didn’t hangout with the kids who like mainstream pop or trap beats. 

With the rise of the influencer and easy access to higher paying or earning jobs, anybody can make music, even if they’re horrible at it. Content creators online put out singles or albums that sample the same beats as everybody else and have the same dense and shallow lyrics, where it is obvious they’re trying to sound deep and meaningful but they’re fully missing the mark. It’s hard to want to claim a genre or use a specific sound or style of music to identify your generation or simply the people you hangout with. New music doesn’t have that power anymore. New major music genres have not been pioneered since the 90s with grunge and nu metal. People that are making music aren’t creative and the creatives aren’t making music. 

The things people listen to and the way that they dress says a lot about them. For teenagers, it has said everything about them. However in the last ten years, social media and technology has ripped those ideals away from us. Nobody wants to be perceived as one thing. They want to be everything and nothing is good enough to define anybody anymore. Tik Tok has ruined the essence and the glowing aura that once was the teenager. 

[tangerinebonfire]

LiveJournal and Lapsed Friendships

I've had "back up livejournal" on my to-do list for about ten years at this point. I finally decided to do it today. After I pulled down all my posts, I clicked onto the friends tab to see who was still around. The most recent post from anyone was 2020, and most of them were closer to the mid-2010s. A few people fully scrubbed their blog.

It feels weird to see the last snapshot posts from people I used to be close with. It's weird to realize that those people are gone. Like, even if I sent one of them a message today, I would get someone else -- whoever they are now 10 years later. They'd be confused to hear from me.

I've been having this unsettling feeling lately (like, past 5 years tbh) like I am living my life in the space after the credits have rolled. Everything used to feel urgent and real and immediate, and it just mostly doesn't anymore? I'm not sure if this is just how life is after your 20s are over or if it's because I live in the suburbs.

[neopuff]

Little timeline I've been using in my GenRex fics. I know there's only supposed to be one year between Six finding Rex and Promises, Promises, but I don't like that it's such a short amount of time so I made it two years lol It's fine, I can ignore canon sometimes (slams my head thru drywall) I'm good at that it's fine

Rex is presumably 14 when Six finds him. They celebrate his 16th (or ?) birthday in Nov 2010, but when Caesar arrives they would learn Rex's real birthday (I picked April 'cause I wanted something earlier in the year) and so Rex would be 17 in S3

I also really want Rex to have had a blackout at some point while at Providence. I would've liked it to be earlier but the timeline really doesn't work out lol I mean it doesn't really work in timeline anyway but I don't caaaaaaare. Six says "You only remember the last 18 months" in Wasteland, which I assume is letting the audience know that 6 months have passed between Promises, Promises and Wasteland but I'm just shortening up that timeline. They can rebuild Providence HQ faster than that it's alright

Some notes:

One would've been an EVO for more than 5 years in Divide By Six but I figure it's okay to round down. 5 years sounds more dramatic than 5 and a half years

(Plus Caesar says he missed five years in Mixed Signals even though the Nanite Event was five years prior to The Day That Everything Changed, which means characters are doing a lot of rounding)

A Family Holiday would be Beverly's 18th birthday

This isn't referenced in the above image but I put Holiday at 33 and Six at 35 (start of series). Noah calling her 28 doesn't make her actually 28, he is a 16 year old boy he doesn't know how old women are

Holiday and Six got in less than a month of dating before Six Minus Six lol

And Six got about 2-3 weeks to get to know Rex before Lions and Lambs

Uhhh hmm. Anything else? Sorry I typed this all once and lost it all so I'm trying to remember what else I had.

OH YES a pre-Providence Rex timeline with a focus on his amnesia blackouts. Here we go:

Late 2004/Early 2005: Rex has an accident in Abysus. His family infuses him with nanites to help save his life. Rex has his first mini-blackout (not full amnesia, but he starts to have trouble remembering bits and pieces) due to the accident or the nanites it's hard to say. While his body adjusts to the nanites, he has a bunch of mini-blackouts and starts forgetting important things. He starts keeping a digital notebook around Feb/March 2005

April 2005: Nanite Event - Rex blacks out due to the shockwave/trauma/both. He turns into the Giant Robot EVO Thing and flies out of Europe. Heads in a random direction and ends up tired and without memory in Hong Kong. He still has his digital notebook and it's kind of the only thing that keeps him sane

Mid 2005 - Mid 2008: Rex in Hong Kong. He starts working for Quarry because he needs to make money/get food somehow. He also meets the Hong Kong Gang one-by-one and they become good friends, though Rex is secretive and anxious and paranoid. Incident with Scarecrow doesn't help.

Mid 2008: Rex knows he has family in Mexico thanks to an early entry in his digital notebook and decides he wants to find them. Quarry agrees to help Rex get to Mexico if he makes a deal with him. Rex hasn't blacked out in so long and is feeling confident about finding his family (Quarry told him he had a contact in Mexico City who would help Rex out) so he doesn't think he needs the notebook anymore. Quarry keeps it as collateral.

Nov 2008: Rex gets to Mexico but he is lost and scared and Quarry lied about having anyone there to help him out. Rex has another blackout (combination of stress and guilt) and turns into the Giant Robot EVO Thing again. Six finds him and brings him to Providence.

Aug 2009: Rex has another blackout while training with Six (something similar to what happened in Frostbite). Holiday and Six don't realize this is a Thing with him so they just start over from the beginning. Training is easier and faster now that they know how Rex's powers work and they're prepared for everything. Six gets Rex some goggles, Holiday gets Rex some gloves.

[sanstropfremir]

So what is actually y2k? Because when I look it up it gives me the y2k problem when people thought the computers were going to crash. Which made me go huh then what is the y2k aesthetic? And if possible could you give examples of groups that are doing it whether it's their own spin on it or the more traditional ish way? I delved into the y2k rabbit hole and I'm realizing it's more than low rise jeans and tank tops so I'm shook 😳

please know that i've never felt older than i have in this moment reading this for the first time slfjskkflslfjfjnfnesmmsk.

so the 'y2k aesthetic' had been a term that's evolved out of the nostalgic cycle return of fashion from the late 90s to the mid-ish 2000s. 'y2k' as a term itself means 'year two thousand' (k is shorthand for thousand) and the original y2k does indeed refer to the incoming computer crash that was thankfully avoided in 1999, but in later years has come to be used as a delineating adjective for anything surrounding that specific era.

as far as fashion goes, it's hard to give a precise definition of what was the actual 'typical y2k' fashion because there was pretty wide range of changes and a couple of different subcultures that were prominent influences. most famously and distinctively is probably scene, which is the direct ancestor of eboy/girl fashion, but also there was surfer chic (pukka shell necklaces, tribal tattoos, bleached tips, wearing board shorts to non-swim related functions), skate punk, an obsession with oversized denim and oversized clothing in general, whatever you wanna call the lisa frank aesthetic, and whatever you wanna call whatever was going on with ed hardy, like blingy tattoo chic? i dunno, i don't think anyone can explain that one. this was also the start of the heyday of the branded sportwear trend, popularized by black hiphop and rnb artists starting in the early 90s and continuing up until now, basically. the other thing that i need to stress, as someone who lived through this, is that a lot of it was UGLY. the 'y2k aesthetic' of now has taken the best and most flattering bits of it an combined them with contemporary trends to make everything look good to modern eyes, but the reality of wearing clothes in the 2000s was that shit was just ugly. there were such a messy conglomerate of trends, plus an 'ideal' body type of heroin chic (yes that was actually what it was called) meant that popular styles like lowrise jeans were miserable for anyone who was vaguely normal shaped. also extra long spaghetti strap tank tops are flattering on nobody. it was a profoundly unflattering era for everyone, and it's important to remember that no current version of it truly captures how bad it was, because if it did, it would not have been revived by all these tiktokers obsessed with 'aestheticizing' everything.

the most obvious examples in kpop are sunmi's you can't sit with us, which is quite literally a mean girls (2004) reference, but also is referential to the popularity of zombie media at the time (shawn of the dead also came out in 2004, the walking dead started airing in 2010). the highly maximalist 'bedroom' set has a bunch of 2000s tech (including the coloured imac g3, which is the computer i learned how to type on) in it and is very much on trend with how girls' bedrooms looked at the time.

another example is jeon somi's dumb dumb, which hilariously came out at the same time, and ALSO has a mean girls reference, although this one plays more on high school media tropes than specific y2k trends, but bc i was in school in that era that tends to be an unconcious association.

yena's smartphone also uses a lot of y2k visuals in the styling, in particular the heavy hair accessories, but it combines them with a modern slant.

of course there's also all of newjeans content, which is very explicitly based in a medley of teen y2k aesthetics, but their most true to life styling is probably the one from their fact music awards performance, which pretty authentically hows how much of a mess the era actually was:

aespa also uses a lot of y2k ideas in their mvs; life's too short features the same bubblegum pink teen girl bedroom idea that shows up in both sunmi and somi's mvs, very obviously is their remake of dreams come true, which is literally an s.e.s song from 1998. but also i'm going to argue that girls has the same energy as early tvxq mvs with the high contrast dramatic colour grading and incredible weird pseudo scene fashion.

for the guys there's less obvious examples, because men's fashion doesn't have as frequent trend indicators, and because pretty much ALL bg fashion is in some way traces back to y2k trends in the first place.

the clearest example is probably enhypen's blessed cursed, which quite literally references y2k (the event) IN the mv, and keeps relatively closely to the popular silhouettes of the time: oversized pants, sportswear, large jewelry, those round sunglasses. and also it uses fisheye lens shots, which were SUPER common in mvs at the time

there's also the original kpop it boy kangta's mcountdown eyes on you stage, which is so unbelieveably late 90s that if you put the video down to 240p i would have thought it was FROM 1999. stylist whoever made this choice do you want to make out:

it's shown up in some other places as well, including the recent sungkyu photoshoot with the very oversized denim:

and also in the recent promo photos from sm winter palace, which seems to be taking a messy vaguely winter themed stab at styling that i am thoroughly enjoying:

[xellandria]

I... have a lot of feelings.

For a long time now, I’ve been considering “dropping everything” and completely reinventing myself.  It’s kind of a cruel thing to do to friends and family so it’s never really gotten very far, but it’s one of those persistent, nagging desires that just hasn’t gone away.  Four or five years ago, I thought about a “partial reinvention” wherein I’d create a pen name and associated identity--real, normal people have those, right?--and use that to get back into writing, which is something I haven’t wanted to do publicly as Xella, because I’ve been Xella on the internet for 24 years now and I don’t necessarily want to have writing that I know won’t be up to a standard I’d like to set associated with myself like that. Plus, having a pen name is a Real Actual Thing that Real Actual People do or have done, so it’s not like it’s weird.

Not that Xella doesn’t fill that same niche in a way (since it’s not my legal name), but you can kinda see where I was going with this.  I spent a lot of time workshopping it and came up with something that I liked, that abbreviated nicely, placed itself well in the theoretical bookshelves of the mind (just so I wouldn’t have to start over again if I ever got good enough for that), that didn’t step on the toes of existing people but still sounded like a real, genuine name that a person could have, and I created an email, twitter, and Ao3 accounts for it, did the set-up to make them all not look like the current wave of tumblr bots, and... nothing.  Just kind of stalled out, realizing that I had no real starting point on writing, and that my lack of ideas was not just limited to visual art.

But it’s been sitting in the back of my brain for the past five years, safely tucked away and keeping me company in the bad times.  If it all goes wrong, this pen name, this other identity, is sitting there waiting to be used, waiting to let me start over and leave all my past mistakes behind. I could begin again, start new, start fresh, not worry about dumb shit that happened in 2003 that hasn’t actually come up since 2007ish and isn’t likely to come up again, not worry about the brand and just be able to do what I want to do.

I’m not really sure why “the brand” keeps coming up for me, but it does.  I’m not a popular artist, despite having gone so hard on trying to become one that I burned myself out on everything.  I’ve never been big and at this point it’s kind of a given that I never will be.  My style is recognizable, but doesn’t have mass appeal, and I wish I was fine with that.  There’s been a lot of uproar in artist circles about AI lately and I absolutely understand where friends and colleagues are coming from when they get upset about it, but AI will never take a job away from me because I don’t have a job to take.  Legality and morality aside, a lot of the “AI vs real artists” examples I see on twitter? I can’t tell which is supposed to be better or which was created vs. generated. I can’t tell which I’m supposed to be siding with. AI can do what I do better than I can do it, and I have spent my entire life getting to the point I’m at. I haven’t even bothered looking at the big “has my art been used to train the AI” lists because I can almost guarantee you that my stuff won’t be there.

There was such a gigantic push in the mid-to-late 2000s and early 2010s that if you were an artist on the internet, you had to sell yourself. You had to take commissions, have a storefront, make money from your hobby, make it more than a hobby. I spent so much effort, worked so hard trying to create things that people would want and it was absolutely the wrong thing for me to do.  It destroyed the thing I enjoyed and turned it from a thing I was successful at to a thing I had failed at.  Nowadays, that push is still there in the background, but the big thing is views, engagement, social media metrics; even if you don’t turn those metrics around into customers, your art has failed if you don’t get The Numbers.

Which is ridiculous!  It’s absolutely ridiculous, but my brain just won’t internalize that message.  That picture of Alex I reblogged at the start of the year had one note when I RBed it, and that one note was my own RB from here to @xellart.  It’s up to 12 now (4 RBs including my own), thanks to Tev RBing it and some of his folks getting eyes on it, but it sat around dusty for a full year.  It was a little more successful when I originally posted it on twitter, with 18 “engagements” (6 RTs including my own), but most of what I post on twitter just goes there to die; outside of Bash stuff (which is usually RTed by myself, the bash twitter, and anybody whose characters happen to be in the pic, and thus typically blows my non-bash stuff out of the water exponentially) I’m usually lucky to see one other person RT a piece I’ve spent hours on.

I tried for years to convince myself that it was because I was posting WIPs, so people got bored of pics before they were even finished, and that if I didn’t share the joy of creating and progress pics with folks, that they’d like the finished product more.  I don’t really know if I ever managed to convince myself that that’s how it would work, but in reality I think it’s a combination of my style, my content, and my presentation.  As I said earlier, I think my style is recognizable (for the most part), but it definitely doesn’t have mass appeal; the colours aren’t vibrant or poppy, the lines aren’t smooth and elegant or chunky and interesting, and my compositions don’t typically wow the brain.  As much as most of my recent work is technically fanart, it’s not the kind of fanart that has mass appeal; World of Warcraft or Dungeons & Dragons player characters typically fall into the same vein as original characters in that there are a few that garner some attention in various corners of the internet, but by and large the subject matter won’t carry engagement and it falls on the technical aspects of a piece to drive its social media standing.  Then there’s presentation, which in this context is just “how shit looks on the social media sites it gets posted to” and which I have repeatedly failed to take into account (or chosen to overlook) when spending hours/days/weeks/months/years on a piece; my Wall of 60s looks god-awful on both Twitter and Tumblr, because neither website handles images with a ratio of  2:1 or more very well.

For a long time now, I haven’t been enjoying art because I’ve been feeling the crush of those three failure points.  Sometimes (albeit VERY rarely lately) I’ll have an idea for a piece, get excited about it, actually create it, be happy with it, and then... post it to social media to crickets.  And those crickets come rushing in and make me feel that not only was posting it a bad idea but that somehow, the joy of creating retroactively didn’t happen and that if social media doesn’t like it (because if they liked it they would RT/RB it or comment on it or something), then I must also be wrong to have originally liked it myself.  Which, again, is ridiculous!  And I know it’s ridiculous even as I’m thinking and feeling it; you can’t take loved away and you can’t change the way you felt in the past just because you’re looking at it from a different perspective in the future.  But it’s a persistent feeling, and it’s been this way for years at this point, and is why all I had to show for 2022 were two commissions (both friends who specifically sought me out for art, which should also tell my brain/heart something! but we’re not gonna get into that rn lol), the beach bash, my Wall of 60s, and a couple refined sketches from the first couple weeks of January when I was trying to work on a new years resolution to draw more, even if things weren’t fully-realized masterpieces, and was using the art jam discord’s characters as practice (before I hit a huge depression spike and stopped completely, whoops).

It’s factually incorrect to say that there’s nothing I can do about my style; obviously a person’s art style is fluid and can change, and you can mimic others to varying degrees of success, and you can definitely improve (or devolve) in areas like composition, but of the three areas my art has been failing in, this is the area I think will be most difficult to do anything about in the short-term. Content and presentation, though? Those are easier.  Go into art projects knowing where you’ll be putting the final results and make sure you have a plan for display. Posting to Tumblr? most people’s dashes don’t display images wider than 500-700 pixels and taller images can (theoretically) thrive. On Twitter, a single image should be wider than it is tall but not significantly so, and it should be saved as a jpg because pngs will convert to jpgs anyway and you can’t control the quality and transparency is a nightmare and so on.  Content is also easier; if you care about metrics (and unfortunately, apparently I do), make fanart. Real fanart, with canon characters, for series that people are currently into.  Now is probably not the time for Slayers or Homestuck (unless you’re really feeling it), but its descendants are out there, ripe for the picking, and there are always the evergreen fandoms like Sailor Moon or Star Trek or the like.

Circling back around: when I was creating all those accounts for my (never-got-off-the-ground) writing project, I didn’t create a tumblr account for it, because that was right when the Tumblr Porn Ban stuff was happening, and everybody was jumping ship.  When the new year rolled over, I spent a lot of time thinking about it again, and decided it was finally time to Do Something With It, even if the Something was not the thing I’d originally intended.  I can talk all day about the Three Areas Where My Art Has Failed but the big fourth area is that I post to @xellart, on Tumblr and Twitter both, with the expectation that People Will See It, and that it will Get The Numbers.  This is obviously patently false, and has never been true (except that one time during the Lik the Bred meme era where Ancillary Justice was super popular and I combined the two), but I constantly set myself up for disappointment on this front, because it’s been 24 years that I’ve been at this, and I spent so much of that time working myself ragged so surely I have enough of a following by now to touch a handful of hearts?  That’s not how it works, but I swear I do it every time.  But, see... this pen name person, this person who is me but is not Xella... they don’t have a following.  They’ve sort of existed on the internet for five years, but also not really.  They’re starting fresh, which is what I’ve always wanted.  There’s no expectation there; any posts they make are literally shouting into the void, which is how I’ve always wanted to treat my personal twitter account anyway (even if it doesn’t actually work out like that most of the time).

So at the start of the year, I finally dusted them off, made them a tumblr, populated it a little bit with some stuff from my dash and my likes so it didn’t look like a bot, and started posting art again.  I haven’t wanted to talk about it because talking about it (here, there, or even in private to select friends) defeats the whole purpose, but I’ve never been great at keeping my mouth shut with my own secrets.  I’m still sitting here hesitating, now that I’m on paragraph eleven of this ridiculous ramble, because if people know, won’t it lose the magic? But given the recognizability of my style and how little I’ve done to try to alter or obscure it, there was always going to be the chance that the dots would connect anyway (even if that chance seems minuscule because there are billions of eyes on the internet but only a handful of them are likely to fall in my orbit, let alone fall there twice) so maybe it’s a moot point, I don’t know.  The point is, they can chuck art into the void and if it’s not “successful,” it doesn’t actually matter because there’s no expectation of success there. There’s not 24 years of building a following or a brand or friendships or anything there; it’s just another anonymous person on tumblr posting things that they like and if other people like it too, so be it.

Anyway it turns out that the whole thing has kind of backfired, because despite having 0 followers and no expectation of anything, the most recent post--which is not even especially good--is Getting The Numbers.  But more than that--SO much more than that--it is Getting The Tags.

I’ve talked a little bit in the past (albeit mostly on twitter, I think) how much tag-commentary means to most artists I know, especially here where we’ve got our own language and system and how much more genuine people tend to be in the tags (because only the OP, whoever they reblogged it from, and that person’s followers are likely to see them).  It’s something I definitely want to do more often myself, but often find myself paralyzed by (which is a rant for another day).  The Tags mean so much more than The Numbers, and I am getting so many warm fuzzies from The Tags on this post, and I am terrified of what that means for the future.  Which, yet again, is an obviously ridiculous emotion to be having about this, because there’s no expectation of anything here, and that ought to include expectations from me, as well.  But can I avoid raising my hopes so high after unexpected success? Will not the next offering automatically fail in relation? How can I avoid seeing things this way? And how in the name of all the gods and everything that’s holy can I ever explain any of this to a therapist in any way that makes sense to them so they can give me actionable advice for once in my misbegotten, miserable life?

(I think I'm also a little taken aback from the sheer volume of response because it confirms my theories about Content; not only was this a piece of art for a popular fandom, it was arguably a piece for a popular ship in a popular fandom.  Well, not even arguably--I absolutely tagged the ship name, because it contained both characters, even though it’s not remotely a romantic piece (to me. evidently this is not a universal experience, though? lmao))

Anyway the more I talk about it the more I get it off my chest but also the more anxious I get about talking about it so I’d better stop there, even though I have Many Other (somewhat-unrelated) Thoughts. They’ll have to wait, I guess.

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Crazies (2010)

Shortly after the turn of the millennium, we got a deluge of horror remakes and few - very few - of them worked. When you realize that The Crazies is actually suspenseful and well-made, it’s a shocker. It doesn't quite reach the full potential of its premise but you’re likely watching this movie at home for the price of a rental/as part of a subscription. This remake is worth a watch.

In Ogden Marsh, Iowa, a baseball game is interrupted when a local walks onto the field with a shotgun. Sheriff David Dutton is forced to gun Rory down. Curiously, the coroner discovers no traces of alcohol or other substances that might have explained his erratic behavior. Soon after, more residents of Ogden Marsh begin acting strangely - and violently. Before the Sheriff, his deputy, (Joe Anderson as Russell) and the town doctor (also David’s wife), Judy (Radha Mitchell), can determine what’s going on, the military swoops in and puts the entire town on lockdown.

The idea of the people closest to us suddenly becoming murderous has been done many times, most notably in George A. Romero’s zombie films (he also directed the original The Crazies) but this is not quite the same. The infected in this movie don’t want to chow down on your flesh. There’s something uniquely sinister about what they’re doing. Rory walks into the outfield with a gun. After he’s taken down, people just assume he was drunk. "Why else would anyone take a weapon to a public place?" The best scenes in this film by Breck Eisner follow normal people who have no idea someone close to them has gone mad. You don’t realize how many potentially dangerous things you find around the home until you see a movie like The Crazies. This movie’s monsters look like us (at least initially). It can take a while for someone to expose themselves as infected, which makes them uniquely scary. When they finally turn, they’ll tie you down and set you on fire. They’re something particularly sinister about the fact that many of the crazies parody their usual behavior, such as a group of hunters that move from hunting birds to hunting people.

In many films like this, where the military serves as the secondary antagonist, they only come in late into the film - as a twist. Not here. Sheriff David sees early on that someone is watching Ogden Marsh. Once we understand what's happening, the soldiers appear to violently triage and quarantine everyone. Will this all get covered up? You bet. If you get away from the military, you have to deal with stray crazies. It’s a good way to keep things fresh and it’s hard to tell which are the bigger threats. When we meet more people, you're never sure if they're infected or not, not until we get up close. Even when someone acts a bit strangely, you're not sure. Is it just the stress of the situation?

What prevents The Crazies from earning a higher rating is that while the military and "wolf among us" stuff is well done, scary and nerve-wracking, we’ve seen it elsewhere - often in zombie or zombie-like movies. Unfortunately, the scenes where family members whisper things like “Dad is acting weird and he has a knife” while hiding in a closet disappear almost entirely once the town gets taken over by the soldiers. I kept thinking of the scene in which Deadra Farnum (Christie Lynn Smith) walks into her barn while the harvester is running and how it was so much scarier than everything else this film had to offer. There’s also a scene with an infected pathologist that’s unsettling and tense… but it ends with a victim just left behind by the sheriff! Woops!

Criticisms aside, The Crazies is a mid-budget horror film done right. It’s unsettling and creepy but also fun in that “we’re all getting scared together” way. There’s plenty of gore, but it doesn’t feel excessive, many scenes will have you sweating and it offers some memorable kills too. I say see it. I’d encourage you to stick around for the end credits, where there’s a link to a web page that invites you to discover the “truth about what happened” (not that this film is pretending to be based on facts; it’s that "the government is trying to cover up the disaster") but the link is no longer active, so there’s no need for that. (April 25, 2024)

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Good Omens Season 2 - The Nice and Accurate Summary of everything we know so far

All of the official info we got about Good Omens season 2 in one place (for the unofficial stuff, like photos of the shooting I’ve got the gos2unofficial tag).

How long has S2 been in the making, plans, and the  possibility of S3:

Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman started planning sequel to the book in 1989 - even before it has been published and came up with the story in Seattle in 1990. But because their careers took off and they had an ocean in the  between them, it was never realized it in the 90s. In 2005 they made another plans to write in a year or so but in 2007 Terry was diagnosed with Alzheimer so again the plans did not come into fruition. 

In 2010 Terry and Neil agreed to let people go forward with making Good Omens as a TV show, they talked about the shape of the show as a whole and where it would go.

Neil wrote the first season with the future seasons, second and third, in mind.

The purpose of the second season is to finish the story which Neil and Terry planned. 

The sequel planned in 1989 is a hypothetical Season 3. Season 2 is how we get from the end of Season 1 to the place where we could start Season 3. Neil also said: Things from the sequel went into Season 1 and Season 2, but mostly to get things into position for Season 3 which would use the plot for the sequel as its template. or also: Season 3 is the story that Terry and I came up with in Seattle in 1990. Season 2 is what needs to happen in order to get us to the point of starting that episode, so I felt very unconstrained building it. I’d already started putting pieces in place in Season 1.

Three seasons is the plan - as Neil said ‘if Amazon and the BBC are up for the third’. 

Neil stared plotting the second season in 2018, a year before the first season came out. 

In August 2019 he told Amazon and BBC at fancy breakfast, This is the plot., and they said, Oh, we like that plot.

In December he and John Finnemore got together, at Alfie’s Roof Garden Cafe overlooking the Regents Canal, and Neil told him the plot and he said, That is a good plot, but how does it end?, Neil said that he doesn’t have ends until he gets there but John needed one so Neil said, How about this? and told him the end and John said, That’s a good end. And that is the end we’ve got.

The first scene of season two was written in pencil in a notebook on Skye in Summer 2020, the writing was finished in late summer 2021 (with small rewrites during the shooting). The season was greenlit, Neil: Basically on the 16th of September 2020. Although they didn’t actually get us an okay to start writing until mid December 2020. I had started writing already, and so had John Finnemore, and some key scenes from episode 1 had already been written, but we didn’t start properly writing until we knew it was a go.

Neil also said about S2: Season 2 is kind of quiet and gentle and romantic as opposed to season 1. And if we ever get to hypothetical season 3 it will probably not be quiet and gentle and romantic either but this is the soft, gentle, romance in the filling of the sandwich.

Cast and crew:

The casting begun in March 2020 with Suzanne Smith as the casting director.

Writing: Neil Gaiman and co-writer John Finnemore, with also Cat Clarke, Jeremy Dyson and Andy Nyman writing minisodes.

Director: Douglas Mackinnon

Showrunners: Neil Gaiman and Douglas Mackinnon (who directed and executive produced the first season) are going to co-showrun.

Executive producers: Neil Gaiman, Douglas Mackinnon, Rob Wilkins, John Finnemore and Josh Cole (BBC Studios Productions’ Head of Comedy).

Music: David G. Arnold, S1 music composer is returning and there will be new end credit theme song variations

Script Supervisor: Jemima Thomas is returning.

Director of photography: Gavin Finney is returning.

Production designer and head of the art department: Michael Ralph is returning.

Production: BBC Studios Productions, Amazon Studios, Narrativia and The Blank Corporation

The opening titles: are again being made by the Peter Anderson Studio, there will be new ones, even madder.

Storyboarding: Mike Collins is returning.

Cast: 

Returning:

David Tennant as Crowley

Michael Sheen as Aziraphale

Jon Hamm as Gabriel

Doon Mackichan as Michael

Gloria Obianyo as Uriel

Derek Jacobi as Metatron

Elizabeth Berrington as Dagon.

Paul Adeyefa as Eric the Disposable Demon.

Maggie Service (Sister Theresa Garrulous in S1) plays a new character Maggie who runs a record shop which is beside Aziraphale’s bookshop in Soho, Mr. Fell is her landlord, shop passed through the generations. Her shop looks across shop where Nina works. She wears on her neck her great grandmother’s wedding ring, a heart pendant with an eye and a toucan pendant.

Nina Sosanya (Sister Mary Loquacious in S1) playes a new character Nina who works in the independent coffeeshop Give Me Coffe or Give Me Death, she is good with dealing with people in Soho who come in, not afraid of dealing with them. Wears great cardigans. Her character is quite grumpy.

Miranda Richardson (Madame Tracy in S1) plays a new character Shax, a demon that was sent on Earth as the replacement of sacked Crowley.

Mark Gatiss (Harmony in S1), Steve Pemberton (Glozier in S1), Reece Shearsmith (Shakespeare in S1) in roles ‘that span Heaven, Hell and Earth’ and Niamh Walsh (Greta Kleinschmidt in S1)

New:

Quelin Sepulveda as angel Muriel: a curious, gullible, well-meaning and chatty angel that spent 6000 filing in the same office in Heaven hoping that somebody would come in and the day would get more interesting and it doesn’t. She’s a 37th order scrivener, bottom of the pily, it’s her first time to Earth.

Liz Carr as Saraqael, an angel you don’t want to mess with, a very sarcastic angel.

Shelley Conn as Beelzebub (previously played by Anna Maxwell Martin who couldn’t make it), she requested a lot more flies. The difference in appearance is addressed in the show.

Donna Preston plays Mrs. Sandwich, and We’we never quite sure about Mrs. Sandwich’s profession but she’s definitely in Soho.

Tim Downie plays Mr Brown, chairman of the Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers' Association.

Peter Davison (David Tennant’s father-in-law :)) plays Alastair.

Ty Tennant plays Ennon.

Andi Osho plays Sitis.

Abigail Lawrie plays Elspeth  - a grave digger living on the streets in Victorian Edinburgh who digs up bodies for a local doctor to earn extra money.

Siân Phillips

Pete Firman (who is a magician in rl :))

Alex Norton

Beth Rylance

Andrew O’Neill they play a they/them person on the show

Not returning

Paul Chahidi (Sandalphon in S1)  because he was unfortunately shooting something something else in the time they’d need him. Neil said: Fingers crossed for Season 3.

Jack Whitehall and Adria Arjona (Newt and Anathema in S1), Neil said: That doesn't mean they won't be back for the hypothetical Season 3 though.

Lourdes Faberes (Pollution in S1).

Ned Dennehy and Ariyon Bakare (Hastur and Ligur in S1). Neil said: Who isn’t to say they aren’t coming back in the hypothetical Season 3.

Anna Maxwell Martin (Beelzebub in S1) couldn’t make the filming (was in two shows and a stage play when they needed her).

Michael McKean (Shadwell in S1) was actually cast in S2 as a new character and was on the big script-reading Zoom call, but then world covid related issues meant that he wasn’t able to travel when they would have needed him, and they had to recast. Neil promised him that if ever we make a season 3 he’ll be in it.

When and where does the filming takes place:

The filming started on the 18th October 2021, at it was suppose to last for eighteen weeks with three weeks hiatus over Christmas, until the 11th March 2022. On the 20th February Neil said, ‘We’re in the last day of shooting.’ On the 1st March 2022 Douglas posted That’s a wrap. Then the post-production started and the series was handed in March 18 2023.

The entire second season was shot in Scotland - it’s based in Bathgate and the Central Belt of Scotland.

A big set was built in the studio in Bathgate to include for example Aziraphale’s Soho. 

Outside the studio they were also filming in the Edinburgh Inverleith Park, Stirling and Old Stirling Town Cemetary, Hopetown House, Dumbarton, Edinburgh Stockbridge , Edinburgh Circus Lane, Edinburgh West Preston Street, Edinburgh Victoria Street and Bo’ness cinema Hippodrome .

How many episodes will S2 have

Six episodes. Each about 45 minutes.

When will it come out:

July 28, 2023. The six-episode season will be released exclusively on Prime Video on July 28 in more than 240 countries and territories worldwide. It was also announced in the Hillywood Parody and there is Neil, Daniel Mays and Maggie service,

The plot and more:

From Neil’s blog: There are so many questions people have asked about what happened next (and also, what happened before) to our favourite Angel and Demon. Here are, perhaps, some of the answers you've been hoping for. As Good Omens continues, we will be back in Soho, and all through time and space, solving a mystery which starts with one of the angels wandering through a Soho street market with no memory of who they might be, on their way to Aziraphale's bookshop. (Although our story actually begins about five minutes before anyone had got around to saying “Let there be Light”.)

From Neil’s instagram: Game on! There are mysteries, histories, secrets revealed and Something Too Terrible To Be Revealed on the way. Also a cardboard box.

From the BBC website: The new season will explore storylines that go beyond the original source material to illuminate the uncanny friendship between Aziraphale, a fussy angel and rare book dealer, and the fast-living demon Crowley. Having been on Earth since The Beginning and with the Apocalypse thwarted, Aziraphale and Crowley are getting back to easy living amongst mortals in London’s Soho when an unexpected messenger presents a surprising mystery.

Neil said that ‘It will be set all over the world. Or at least, it leaves Soho occasionally. Sort of.’

When Neil was asked for some out of the context spoilers he answered: Wouldn’t you rather just go in ready to be surprised, impressed, upset, delighted, confused and amazed? - 6 adjectives, 6 episodes... perhaps they fit together?

We will learn more about Aziraphale’s Soho, more about the bookshop (like the upstairs) and how the books are filed and more about the Bentley’s music.  We’ll see inside the coffee shop across the street. Tea will be drunk in the bookshop, and so will cocoa.

There will be a duck-feeding scene.

Neil said: In this season we get to have new adventures with old friends, to solve some extremely mysterious mysteries, and we encounter some entirely new humans (living, dead, and otherwise), angels, and demons. 

Neil implied that the building opposite the bookshop is a pub.

Neil shared this small piece of the script saying: Aziraphale: … of the…ave you... / Crowley: Not one. / Aziraphale: Oh good. / Crowley: …

Neil about S2: It’s set in 2023. And there have definitely been lockdowns. There are a lot of tourists and people in Soho, some of whom wear face-masks and most of whom don’t. It’s set in late summer, very early Autumn, mostly.

There will be more on why Aziraphale has problem with French.

There will be “minisodes” – stories that begin and end within a larger episode, ones that dive into history: a solo-story set in biblical times (by John Finnimore), in Victorian times in Edinburgh 1827 - our favourite angel and demon get into a wee bit of a pickle there (by Cat Clarke), there’s little stint of body snatching in the era, and a story in London during the blitz (by Jeremy Dyson and Andy Nyman called it ‘very naughty’) which takes up much of Episode 4.

To the question if S2 and S3 are directly inspired aby any other works (the same as S1 was by The Omen) Neil answered: Not really. The Bible a bit. And possibly Jane Austen. then he said that we will learn a lot about Jane Austin we didn’t know before.

We will see a bit what was Crowley up to during WW2 in S1.

From S2 the episode 5 and 6 are Neil’s favourite episodes. Neil’s favourite scene from the S2 is in episode 6. The script editor said while reading the script episode that she was laughing while crying.

There are no rabbits in S2.

What’s something that’s Neil excited for us to see: The Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association monthly meeting.

There are some love stories in it.

There is a lot more Heaven, a lot more Hell.

About the improvisation in S2, Neil: There’s one improv line in GO2. It’s what Crowley orders from the barman when he enters the pub. I hadn’t written a line for him. Other than that it’s all from the scripts.

Neil shared some pixelated pixels of what looks like Crowley in Hell and of Victorian Crowley and Aziraphale.

Over the time Neil shared several words from the script: white, if, a, road, Mr, Bentley, Something, the, Sandwich, Erdnase.

There are Eccles cakes.

Neil was asked which episode does have the best outfit and said:  Probably episode 5. There are some particularly excellent clothes in episode 5, and one particular outfit that’s amazing. There are some wonderful clothes all the way through, though, so this one is going to be up to personal taste. Still…

Entry of Aziraphale’s diary in 1820 here :).

About the CGI, Neil: I’d say there are about 1,500 CGI shots in Season 2, as compared to Season 1’s 1000 shots. But I think a lot of them are going to be harder to see as CGI.

There will be Terry Pratchett easter eggs ❤ .

Michael Sheen said that Jon Hamm (Gabriel) will be drinking from the angel mug.

David Tennant about Jon Hamm: Jon Hamm is back and plays very central role, actually, in series two, Jon was with us a lot, so that was great fun to have him around. And he is very very funny in series two, he gets to do some very excellent work. You’ll very much enjoy Jon Hamm.

Neil about Jon Hamm: There are things that I have done to Jon Hamm or had other people do or that have happened to Jon Hamm in the Second Season of Good Omens that while I am not at liberty to actually reveal what they are I will say that I’m in many ways glad he’s not sitting opposite me getting his own back.

There is some character who isn’t dating another character but wants to (neither of which is A or C).

There will be Queen songs.

Something that will only makes sense after watching the S2, Neil: The 1964 Doctor Who Annual.

Neil said that there are two passages of dialogue in the GO book that didn’t get used in Season 1 but fitted exactly in Season 2.

International Express Delivery Man won’t make an appearance.

There is around 400 000 frames in S2.

Douglas Mackinnon has a cameo there, Rob Wilkins had as well but unfortunetely it ended up on the cutting room floor.

So far no plans to make a S2 Script Book.

Whether Anna Lundberg and Georgia Tennant are in it, Neil: I’m afraid not. Anna was pregnant while we were shooting and being wisely away from people during Covid times, Georgia was offered a part but didn’t take it for reasons that reflect incredibly well on her. (She did some research into history as she would have been playing a historical person, and told us that the part should go to an actress much older than herself. And we did the same research she did and realised that she was right.) If there is a season 3 then I would love to cast both of them.

David about Crowley’s hair: My hair is still red and I do have a variety of different hairstyles. Throughout the episodes my hair will transform in several different directions.

David about his favourite moment from S2: It's a line said by a small child,and it's in Episode 2 about halfway through, and it's in a scene with my son.

Summary of what we know about the epiodes here.

The fennec foxes:

In August 2021 Neil said to an ask: In Season 1 of Good Omens, the part of a demon named Crowley was played by actor David Tennant. Budget cuts in Season 2 mean that the part of Crowley in Season 2 will be shared between a glove puppet, a dear friend of the production manager’s named, I believe, Raoul, and five trained fennec foxes wearing an overcoat. Why fennec foxes? We figured nobody would notice the difference.

This joke keeps growing since then - We will make the fennec foxes ginger by special effects. Or perhaps just put the gingerest one on the top. - with wonderful fan art, comparisons and we learned from Neil that David will actually be there as a stuntman and will be set on fire to protect the foxes: For actual death-defying stunts we’ll have the actual David Tennant come in for the day and risk life and limb for us. I can promise that there will be no pyrotechnics anywhere near the fennec foxes. Apart from anything else, there are rules about that sort of thing on set. Whenever you see Crowley burning, it will be a lovely Scottish actor named David Tennant who will be in for the day in order to be set on fire, struck by lightning, immolated, or otherwise hurled into the blazing heart of an inferno. He seems to quite enjoy it.

You can check my five fennec foxes tag :).

Jaunty little hats:

Ask: VERY IMPORTANT good omens question that im sure you will break your no spoilers policy for, does anyone, including background characters, wear a jaunty little hat

Neil: Oh God you wormed it out of me. Yes. Yes. A jaunty little hat will be worn.

Comment: Careful, if jaunty little hat is not worn in the next season, you could get sued for false advertising.

Neil: We’re good. I just did a “jaunty little hat” watch to make sure, and there’s a jaunty little maroon hat in episode 1, a jaunty little brown hat in episode 3, a whole slew of jaunty little hats of all kinds and colours in episode 4, and one solitary fez-wearing moment early in episode 5 (it is a fairly jaunty fez, though) followed by the appearance of an extremely fancy little black number tipped with what looks like pink ostrich feathers about half-way through episode 5.Episode 6 is, I am relieved to say, entirely jaunty-little hat free. (x)

Merchandise:

So far we know of two:

Good Omens Tarot Deck and Guidebook - more info here

and

Good Omens Card Game - more info here

it seems that there will be more, but not announced yet :).

Trailers:

Nothing so far though at NYCC 2022 panel was shown a clip with a scene Nina, Maggie and Mrs Sandwich and then a scene with Muriel playing a constable in Aziraphale’s bookshop, Aziraphale not buying it and then Crowley coming with a box of plants. It is at the beginning of Episode 3.

Promos:

Poster:

(about details in the last poster here) Selection of promo and bts photos:

[anxiouspotatorants]

It is time. It is finally time for the new Suicide Squad rant (and spoilers will be plentiful):

As someone who was into DC Comics and comics in the mid to late 2010s and had so much hype for the first Suicide Squad movie only to be let down, I was so nervous for this one. I knew it was going to be a roller coaster, but whether I would come out happy or disappointed was up in the air. Having just seen it I will say this: I have no idea if this was a good movie-movie. It was insane. The comedy. The violence. The high emotion. I’m still trying to take it all in. But one thing I do know is that this is an amazing Suicide Squad movie. Gunn and co took the best parts of the comic concept and went batshit with it and that is how this property should be handled (in my opinion). Screw edgelordisms, we need full on insanity free of aiming for shock-value or sexy brutality we want chaos baby.

Starting the whole movie as they did, with Savant as the POV for a mission (or part of the mission) that just goes to hell immediately and kills off so many before the title arrives is the perfect way to start this movie. Like the second I realized this was how they were doing it I was just smiling from ear to ear, this is the spirit of the property.

Part of me wishes we got more Amanda Waller, but what we had was impeccable. Then again, this is Viola Davis we’re talking about, and if she was born to play any character in a superhero story, it is Amanda Waller.

And points to her tech team, introducing them with the death bets was just a lovely way to show how regular this is and how awful everyone is in this movie.

I’m not going to pretend like Deadshot and Bloodsport didn’t have the exact same character- and plot premises… but I will say that Bloodsport felt better executed.

I love that they kept some of the past members and not just Harley. Rick Flag got to have a full personality and interactions with his team members and to be a true leader and it made me so happy for someone who initially did not give a single shit about his character. The Harley friendship? The Dubois friendship? The friendship with that guerilla leader? Amazing. The one American soldier in fictional media I genuinely like. You go Mr Flag.

The new members were… they were insane in the best way. Gone are the shitty stereotypes and present are some of the wackiest creations to ever grace the mainstream movie-sphere (aka the slightly less normal comic creations): A man who has to shoot out polka dots two times a day so as not to die from a space virus. A giant child murdering weasel. A guy who detaches his limbs and slaps people with said detached limbs. King Shark. The second person to command rats with a fancy gadget. They are all crazy and all weird and all more or less morally repulsive people and I love them.

The amount of times I did a double take over the soundtrack I swear. Jessie Reyez? The Pixies? It was so much fun to pick up on once I did.

Was the depiction of a vague Latin American country stereotypical? Yes. Was the secret American involvement predictable and felt mildly patronizing from a non-American, part Latina point of view? Yep. But damn it if I didn’t have a good time with those stereotypes and laugh my ass off at how well executed some were. I don’t know if it was meant as parody, but that one secretary has me thinking so — and if so I am pleased.

Speaking of Latino dictators Harley’s one day romance with one of the villains was something I never knew I needed. Like it was so perfect for Harley that when it happened I almost hit myself for not realizing that this kind of plot should be a normal thing for Harley. And the end of it? Perfect not only in this standalone movie, but also in conjunction with the first and with BoP.

The Taika Waititi cameo??? Oh my god??? I did not expect that and I love it?? Sir, What We Do in the Shadows is impeccable.

Rick Flag’s death actually surprised me. It shouldn’t as this is Suicide Squad, but I kind of expected him to be on Harley’s level of unkillable (because let’s face it, no one kills Harley). What I will say is that his death was good and his final words and actions made me love him all the more. I hope this spawns more Rick Flag content, or at least inspires me to look at what already exists, if he already is as this movie made him (it’s been ages since I read one of the Suicide Squad reboot comics okay).

Starro. How can a villain be so wacky and so terrifying at the same time? I did not expect a literal alien starfish to have more terrifying powers and a more tragic plot execution than Enchantress. But here we are. And that damn star just wanted to be floating in space, and instead it was stuck getting revenge by killing and puppeteering human corpses. Wow that thing was creepier the more you think about it.

I don’t know what I think about Polka Dot Man. I loved watching him on screen but also damn those mommy-issues were on a new level. Not just in his backstory but how he literally sees her in every person around him that was insane. Very funny but like also the kind that makes you laugh just because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how else to releive the tension.

When Waller got knocked out by a staff member I immediately thought «oh my god Amanda Waller is going to kill half the staff for this», so I’m mildly surprised and disappointed that I didn’t get to see that happen. But also I should maybe expect something like this in a potential future Suicide Squad movie. We can’t have everything in a movie as packed as this.

Peacemaker was very horrible and worked really well. Don’t really have much to say about him, not because I didn’t enjoy him but because I already feel like the film itself has said it for me. But the planting and payoff for his death? Chef’s. Kiss.

Harley’s wardrobe was beautiful. Ratcatcher 2’s combat outfit felt like a steampunk plague dream. Bloodsport’s mask was supercool. Rick Flag’s t-shirt was amazing. But the best little outfit was the Mafalda-keychain and her red dress, hands down. Oh and King Shark’s fake moustache finger moment.

King Shark is shaped like a friend I don’t care how many people he ate alive on screen he looks so huggable. It feels like wanting to pet a bear. You know it will kill you but damn it look at those paws and those cute eyes!

I really need to give it to not just James Gunn but the entire production team for this movie. The aesthetic was perfect. The story was the right blend of whimsical and violent. The finished product was a literal rollercoaster and I mean that in a good way. If superhero movies have to be like amusement parks, I hope they’re more like this one and BoP.

I’ll finish on the note that while I think this movie was great and hopefully a step in the right direction for the DCU/DCEU (as in stop trying to play Marvel’s game and just do your own thing/ let your creative teams run wild and free), it is not the first step. Cathy Yan, Birds of Prey and the production team for it took a step first, and they deserve due credit and attention. If you loved this Suicide Squad movie and haven’t watched BoP yet, do so. Because they really are in the same ballpark while doing things in slightly different ways. And any good DCEU movie deserves more attention so the studios know that creativity and risks should be rewarded. I want more DC movies like this, not necessarily in genre but in creative risks. I want a Black Canary rock movie. I want Alfred in a reverse heist movie alone in the batcave against Gotham villains. I want Gotham Academy on screen play by play from the comics. I want a fully animated psychedelic-like Khalid Nassour as Dr. Fate movie. I want elevated horror movie Constantine. I want weird ass Lois Lane journalist movies with a heavy side of Superman. And I want DC movies I didn’t even know I wanted.

Support creativity in mainstream comic movies. Help me become a DC fan and happy about it again.

[sapphire-rays00]

Why Bojack Horseman is Such an Important Show and What it Means to Me

Bojack Horseman is an insanely popular show that tackles difficult topics such as depression, addiction, death, dementia, and learning how to process and deal with trauma. I watched this show as it was releasing in the mid to late 2010s and into early 2020 when I was an impressionable teenager who had yet to fully understand the effect that harmful and traumatic events have on a person. After my recent breakup and my current attempts to understand myself as an adult woman, I thought it would be beneficial to revisit the show after going through therapy and with a better understanding of relationships and adult concepts in general. Bojack Horseman is an absolutely beautiful show that provides striking commentary on the world we live in, what it means to try to be a good person, and the struggle and journey to find oneself.

The early seasons of Bojack Horseman are more light hearted and truly express the concept of a dramedy. The jokes are hilarious, the situations are ridiculous, but everything that happens is real for the characters and that’s what sets it apart from being another Simpsons or Family Guy. Everything the characters have done are referenced by other characters, the plot, and the setting (think the “Hollywoob” sign). At the end of season one Bojack asks Diane if she thinks he’s a good person “deep down” and later in season two, Diane finally answers him indirectly. She asks Bojack if he remembers what he asked her at the end of season one and when Bojack says he does, Diane says “I don’t think there is a “deep down.” I think your actions make up who you are.” This explanation about what it means to be a good person really struck a chord with me and I couldn’t really agree with it more. It’s so easy to talk about how you want to be a good person and that you want to do good things but unless you follow up on that intent, those words are just hollow statements that don’t mean anything.

In my personal life, I’ve struggled to understand the concept of people really being a representation of their actions and I find that I’m always wanting to help or fix people. The issue with this is at the end of it all, people can’t change as a result of other people, other people can influence you but the decisions you make are ultimately your own. If you learn something about society or yourself through someone else, you’ll never actually make the connection between problematic behaviors or events that you didn’t enjoy. The only way for you to realize something is through your own eyes and it isn’t until you want to make the change that change will happen. Bojack finally realizes this in the final episodes of the series and it takes him almost dying and an uncomfortable conversation with Diane to finally move on and embrace his actions as part of himself. 

It’s human nature to reject any part of you that isn’t good, but not all people are 100% good. Everyone has their own faults and everyone’s done something they aren’t proud of. What I’ve found, and what Bojack comes to find as well, is that if you want to be a good person, you’ll try to be and one day your positive actions might outweigh the bad things you’ve done. However, until you’re able to look at yourself in the mirror and accept the bad things about yourself as part of yourself, you’ll be forever chasing imaginary happiness.

The concept of figuring out who you are is expressed through Diane and Mr. Peanut Butter. The show begins with the two in a relationship, one where Mr. Peanut Butter is clearly happy but Diane seems to constantly question what her purpose is and never actually seems happy. Truthfully, this relationship felt a lot like the one I had with my most recent ex-boyfriend. At the end of the show, a while after Diane and Mr. Peanut Butter had divorced, Mr. Peanut Butter notes that he’s always known how to be an “us,” or in a relationship, but never learned how to be himself outside of a relationship. As a woman who was last single in 2015 and is now attempting to figure out her adult self, I know exactly what he means.

Since the show aired, I’ve been able to see almost an exact version of myself in Diane, except I’m not Vietnamese or straight. What connected me to Diane is the fact that she’s a writer and endured a relationship she thought was amazing and unproblematic but eventually realizes that she’s not happy. Not because Mr. Peanut Butter is a bad person, it’s evident that he loves and cares for every woman he’s with, but their personalities just don’t connect completely and they express their affection for one another in different ways that just aren’t compatible. What I learned from my own experience and what was cemented by Bojack Horseman for me is the fact that a relationship can’t be based solely on love, you have to take everything into account. As much as it hurts and as badly as we might want to allow ourselves to be comfortable, being comfortable isn’t always fulfilling. 

Until I was twenty-two, I didn’t completely understand the phrase “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.” Bojack is an astounding representation of this fact as he hates himself so the elements of his personality that he hates he sees in other people and makes them feel bad about themselves. By not addressing what you hate about yourself, you internalize those feelings and when someone acts like themselves around you and you witness a portion of you that you hate, you want to tear them down. You don’t really want to tear them down but since you can’t accept yourself for who you are, how can you accept someone with similar traits?

[mcrmadness]

This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.

Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.

It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...

What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.

I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.

*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)

But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!

So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.

This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.

I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).

Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).

But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.

I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.

So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.

The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.

I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.

I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.

Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.

I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.

[calzona-ga]

She might change her mind; she certainly has before. But midway through an interview, Ellen Pompeo casually drops the bomb that after more than 360 episodes, the upcoming 17th season of “Grey’s Anatomy” may be its last.

“We don’t know when the show is really ending yet,” Pompeo says, answering a question that was not at all about when the show might end. “But the truth is, this year could be it.”

Pompeo has played Meredith Grey — the superstar surgeon around whom “Grey’s Anatomy” revolves — since its start. The show, created by Shonda Rhimes, premiered on ABC on March 27, 2005, and became an immediate, noisy hit. Since then, for a remarkably long time in Hollywood years, the drama has been among the most popular series on TV, even as the landscape of television has changed seismically. At its Season 2 ratings height, the program drew an average audience of 20 million viewers. And all these years later — in a TV universe now divided by more than 500 scripted shows —“Grey’s” ranks as the No. 1 drama among 18- to 34- year-olds and No. 2 among adults 18 to 49. In delayed, multiplatform viewing, Season 16 averaged 15 million viewers.

Strikingly, technology is such that teenagers who were born when the show premiered, and later binged “Grey’s” on Netflix, watch new episodes live with their parents. The series has spawned two successful spinoffs for ABC, “Private Practice” (which ran from 2007 to 2013) and “Station 19” (which enters its fourth season this fall). “Grey’s Anatomy” has been licensed in more than 200 territories across the world, translated into more than 60 languages, and catapulted the careers of music artists — from Ingrid Michaelson and Snow Patrol to Tegan and Sara and the Fray — whose songs have played during key emotional sequences.

In its explosive initial success, “Grey’s Anatomy” was an insurgent force in popular culture. The Season 1 cast featured three Black actors — Chandra Wilson, James Pickens Jr. and Isaiah Washington — as doctors in positions of power at the Seattle hospital where the show is set, and Sandra Oh played the ambitious intern Cristina Yang, who would become Meredith’s best friend. For the women characters, the “Grey’s” approach to sex was defiant and joyful, starting in the pilot with Meredith’s one-night stand with Derek (Patrick Dempsey), who turned out to be one of her bosses at the hospital.

Rhimes presented these images to the world like they were no big deal, when in fact, nothing like “Grey’s” had ever been seen on network television. Krista Vernoff has been the “Grey’s Anatomy” showrunner since Season 14, as anointed by Rhimes, and was the head writer for the first seven seasons. She remembers the moment she realized how radical “Grey’s” was — a medical show driven entirely by its characters instead of their surgeries — as she watched an episode early in Season 1. “My whole body was covered in chills,” Vernoff recalls. “I was like, ‘Oh, we thought we were making a sweet little medical show — and we’re making a revolution.’”

Still, no one expected “Grey’s Anatomy” to become the longest-running primetime medical drama in TV history, outlasting “MASH” and “ER,” the previous record-holder. Since 2005, “Grey’s” has inspired countless women to become doctors, and along the way, its depiction of illness has even saved a few lives. The show has remained popular through three presidential administrations, the Great Recession, tectonic shifts in how people watch TV and two cultural reckonings — one feminist, one anti-racist — that demonstrate how ahead of its time “Grey’s Anatomy” has always been.

And they’re not done yet. When Season 17 premieres on Nov. 12, “Grey’s Anatomy” will tackle the subject of the coronavirus as experienced by the doctors at Grey Sloan Memorial, all while filming under strict COVID-19 protocols. The season is dedicated to frontline workers. And Pompeo, a producer on “Grey’s” — whose Meredith has removed a live bomb from a patient’s body, was in a plane crash, was widowed after Derek died in a car accident, was beaten nearly to death by a patient and, in a separate incident, actually did die briefly after a ferry accident — is intent on making the show top itself once again.

“I’m constantly fighting for the show as a whole to be as good as it can be. As a producer, I feel like I have permission to be able to do that,” Pompeo says. “I mean, this is the last year of my contract right now. I don’t know that this is the last year? But it could very well could be.”

Pompeo has been refreshingly transparent about her fight to become the highest-paid female actor on television, having detailed a few years ago how she negotiated a paycheck for more than $20 million a year. She clearly knows what she’s doing with these frank pronouncements as well.

As Pompeo laughs over the phone from her car, she says in a near shout: “There’s your sound bite! There’s your clickbait! ABC’s on the phone!”

The “Grey’s Anatomy” team — led by Rhimes and executive producer Betsy Beers — created the first season in a vacuum, because the show did not have an airdate. The 2004-05 season was a comeback year for ABC because “Desperate Housewives” and “Lost,” both of which debuted that fall, became phenomena — not only ratings successes but also watercooler events.

But at “Grey’s,” Rhimes was getting noted to death by network president Steve McPherson. According to Vernoff, McPherson — who resigned in 2010 under a cloud of sexual harassment allegations — stonewalled with “pushback every step of the way,” as ABC’s then- head of drama, Suzanne Patmore Gibbs, fought for the show. Vernoff was close with Patmore Gibbs, who died in 2018, and recalls her talking about her clashes with McPherson.

“He just didn’t get it; he didn’t like it,” Vernoff continues. “Honestly, I’m going to say, I don’t think he liked the ambitious women having sex unapologetically.”

Wilson, when she was cast as Miranda Bailey on “Grey’s,” was a New York theater actor (“Caroline, or Change”) relatively new to series television. But she was well aware of the network’s issues. “We took a creative break around the Christmas holiday, which to me meant ‘Oh, we’re out of a job.’”

Pompeo was frustrated: “Once we finally got an airdate, two weeks before that airdate they wanted to change the title of the show to ‘Complications.’”

In an email to Variety, McPherson disputed these assertions, saying, “I made the original deal with Shonda. I developed ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ at the studio. I picked it up at ABC.” He praised Patmore Gibbs, and added, “As for defaming me again and again, I don’t know what to say other than it’s sad that anyone feels the need to spread lies about me.”

Yet there was so little faith in the show that the writers were asked to clear out their offices when they finished the season. But to Vernoff, who had clicked right away with Rhimes, the early episodes had “felt like a labor of love.”

And it was worth the battle. “We fought for the right for Meredith and Bailey to be whole human beings, with whole sex lives, and not a network TV idea of likable,” Vernoff says. “You might not have been likable, but now you’re iconic.”

As far as the medicine went, the cases were often ostentatious. “Every kind of crazy accident that had ever caused terrible harm to any human ever, that was our homework at night,” Vernoff says. It was up to Zoanne Clack, an emergency room doctor-turned-writer, to be a sounding board in the writers’ room. She began as the only doctor on staff during the first season, and is now an executive producer. “What was interesting was that the writers don’t have those boundaries because they don’t know the rules, so they would come up with all of these scenarios, and my immediate thought was like, ‘No way!’” Clack says. “Then I’d have to think about it and go, ‘But could it?’”

When the program finally premiered — on a Sunday night after “Desperate Housewives” — to massive ratings, it was a shock to the cast and crew, given that they had shot the first season under a cloud, Pompeo says, adding, “So the fact that the numbers were that huge the first time we aired was a big f–k-you to McPherson!”

With Season 2 now a given, everything changed, Vernoff says: “It was like a hurricane-force gale, and everyone was just trying to hold on.” They had made 13 episodes for Season 1, airing nine of them and holding the final four for Season 2 — Meredith finding out that Derek was actually married (to Addison, played by Kate Walsh) had felt like the perfect finale. But upon the writers’ return, Vernoff says, the feeling was “Holy s—. We have to make 22.”

The entire cast — mostly unknown actors like Katherine Heigl as the sunny Izzie Stevens, T.R. Knight as the chummy neurotic George O’Malley, and Justin Chambers as the troubled, secretly vulnerable Alex Karev — had become famous overnight. For Wilson, whose Bailey was the stern teacher the interns called “the Nazi,” it was a new experience. “Folks were scared to talk to me, like in the store or in the Target — people would just kind of leave me alone,” she says. “It was like, ‘What’s going on?’”

According to Vernoff, “Paparazzi were following the cast to work — it was wild.”

The mid- to late-2000s were the height of glossy gossip magazines such as Us Weekly (and its copycats), as well as the inception of TMZ and Perez Hilton as celebrity-hounding, news-breaking forces that fueled (and soiled) the fame-industrial complex. The cast of “Grey’s Anatomy” was firmly in the sights of these new, often toxic forces in media.

Pompeo says the cast was so talented that it “was all worth it” — but yes, the transition to stardom was hard for the group: “At the time, it was just a real combination of exhaustion and stress and drama. Actors competing with each other — and envious.”

Heigl, Knight and Isaiah Washington all went through press cycles that made the show seem scandal-prone. To rehash it all now seems pointless; you can look it up. Washington was fired in June 2007. Knight and Heigl asked to be written out of the show preemptively, in Seasons 5 and 6, respectively.

Vernoff and the other writers were watching the internal messes unfold. They had to deal with how the fallout affected the show’s plot, as when Washington was fired just as Burke, his character, was about to marry Cristina. “When word comes down that an actor is leaving the show, and what you’ve got scripted is a wedding …” Vernoff trails off, laughing.

“There was a lot of drama on-screen and drama off-screen, and young people navigating intense stardom for the first time in their lives,” she continues. “I think that a lot of those actors, if they could go back in time and talk to their younger selves, it would be a different thing. Everybody’s grown and changed and evolved — but it was an intense time.”

Pompeo doesn’t want to talk about what happened with individual actors from the show, because when she has in the past, “it doesn’t get received in the way in which I intend it to be.” But she does make a point about the way television is produced. “Nobody should be working 16 hours a day, 10 months a year — nobody,” she says. “And it’s just causing people to be exhausted, pissed, sad, depressed. It’s a really, really unhealthy model. And I hope post-COVID nobody ever goes back to 24 or 22 episodes a season.

“It’s why people get sick. It’s why people have breakdowns. It’s why actors fight! You want to get rid of a lot of bad behavior? Let people go home and sleep.”

Debbie Allen would eventually be Pompeo’s savior in that regard, but that was years away. Allen — an actor and a dancer — began her directing career when she was on the 1980s TV series “Fame” as a “natural progression” because, she says, “I was in charge of the musical numbers, and so many directors didn’t really know how to shoot them.” She went on to be a prolific director and producer, most notably overhauling NBC’s “A Different World” after a tumultuous first season. As a fan of “Grey’s Anatomy,” Allen wanted to work on the show, and in Season 6, she was hired to direct. To prepare for it, Allen shadowed Wilson, who had been tapped to direct by executive producer-director Rob Corn. (“He came to me and said, ‘You should direct,’” says Wilson, who has now helmed 21 episodes. “And I said, ‘OK.’ Because I didn’t know what else to say.”)

Directing that sixth-season episode led to Allen’s fruitful relationship with “Grey’s.” In Season 8, Rhimes wrote Allen into the show to play Catherine, a star surgeon, a love interest for Richard Webber (Pickens) and the mother of Jackson Avery (Jesse Williams). Ahead of Season 12 in 2015, Allen became the show’s EP/director. Her duties included hiring all of the directors, weighing in on scripts and casting, and, as Allen puts it, “minding that people feel good about themselves.” Several years before the revived #MeToo movement would lead to calls for systemic changes behind the camera in Hollywood, Allen set a goal of hiring 50% women directors. She also increased the number of Black men who directed “Grey’s” during her first season as executive producer, among them Denzel Washington. (When she sold him on it, she recounts, he said to her, “I’m going to say yes, Debbie Allen.”)

Pompeo and Allen are close. Allen began her new role the year after Dempsey left, “at a time when we were really broken,” Pompeo says. “And so much of our problems were perpetuated by bad male management. Debbie came in at a time when we really, really needed a breath of fresh air, and some new positive energy.”

Pompeo continues with a laugh: “Debbie really brought in a spirit to the show that we had never seen — we had never seen optimism! We had never seen celebration. We had never seen joy!”

According to Pompeo, Allen began advocating for her to have more humane hours — Fridays off (Pompeo: “And I was like, ‘What? What? Fridays off?’”) — and for the show to shoot 12-hour days maximum, and ideally no more than 10 hours (Pompeo: “And I was like, I love this woman.”).

Allen speaks affectionately about her bond with Pompeo. “Coming out of Boston, she’s so earthy and real in a way that you might not know,” Allen says. “There’s a sisterhood between us — I guess you would say it’s almost a Blackness that exists between us. And she’s part of our tribe.”

Allen has been a key member of the “Grey’s Anatomy” brain trust since Season 12, and two seasons later, Vernoff returned to run the show. She’d left at the end of Season 7, consulted on “Private Practice” for a few years, and then went to Showtime’s “Shameless” for five seasons. As her contract was set to expire, Rhimes asked Vernoff to lunch, and told her she wanted her to take over. “It felt like she was saying, ‘Hey, our kid needs you,’” Vernoff says.

Before accepting the offer, Vernoff had to catch up on the show. She had always written “Grey’s” as a romantic comedy, and what she saw on-screen during her binge was dark as hell — especially after Derek’s death. “If this show that you are currently making is the show that you want ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ to be,” she recalls telling Rhimes, “I am, in fact, not the right writer for it.” But Rhimes was insistent, saying it was time for a change after the mourning period for Derek.

Vanessa Delgado, who started as a production intern during the seventh season and has worked her way up to being lead editor and co-producer, says the show’s trajectory shifted when Vernoff came back — it was a return to the original, saucier tone of “Grey’s.” “We changed the music completely,” Delgado says. “The dialogue felt lighter and more fun, and wewere having fun again.”

That lightness will be difficult to maintain this year, of course, when, as Allen puts it, “COVID is No. 1 on the call sheet right now.”

Vernoff at first wondered whether “Grey’s” should ignore the coronavirus, thinking the audience comes to the show “for relief.” But the doctors in the writers’ room convinced her this wasn’t the time for escapism, saying to her, “This is the biggest medical story of our lifetime, and it is changing medicine permanently.”

When they’ve had doctors and nurses come speak with them this season, Vernoff says, “they were different human beings than the people we’ve been talking to every year. And I want to honor that, tonally. I just want to inspire people to take care of each other.”

Pompeo, who is not shy about offering criticism, sounds positively enthusiastic: “I’ll say the pilot episode to this season — girl, hold on.

“What nobody thinks we can continue to do, we have done. Hold on. That’s all we’re going to say about that!”

Pompeo has a few more months before she decides whether she wants to continue — and as Rhimes and ABC have made clear in recent years, the show will likely end when she leaves. “I don’t take the decision lightly,” Pompeo says. “We employ a lot of people, and we have a huge platform. And I’m very grateful for it.”

“You know, I’m just weighing out creatively what can we do,” she says. “I’m really, really, really excited about this season. It’s probably going to be one of our best seasons ever. And I know that sounds nuts to say, but it’s really true.”

Vernoff doesn’t worry about the creative well drying up. “We’ve blown past so many potential endings to ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ that I always assume it can go on forever,” she says.

And Wilson knows how important “Grey’s” is to its audience, in that the characters have essentially become people who “live in their house.” As one of only three actors who’ve been on “Grey’s” since the beginning — the other is James Pickens Jr. — Wilson is in it until the end: “In my mind, Bailey is there until the doors close, until the hospital burns down, until the last thing happens on ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’ That is her entire arc.”

Whenever the show does conclude, part of its legacy will be about the talent it launched into the world, beginning with Rhimes, who will soon release her first shows for Netflix, after her company, Shondaland, made a lucrative deal with the streamer in 2017.

But it will also be about the characters of “Grey’s Anatomy”— mostly women and people of color — who are trying to make the world a better place as they find friendship, love and community.

“The show, at its core, brings people together,” Pompeo says. “And the fact that people can come together and watch the show, and think about things they may not have ordinarily thought about, or see things normalized and humanized in a way that a lot of people really need to see — it helps you become a better human being. If this show has helped anybody become a better human being, then that’s the legacy I’d love to sit with.”

[ezrastokes]

[ CODY CHRISTIAN, HE/HIM, CISMALE ] —  [ EZRA STOKES ]  is a child of [ HEPHAESTUS ] with the power of  [ TECHNOKINESIS ] .  they were born in [ 1995 ] and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2010 ] .  with the change, they [ HAVE GRADUATED FROM ] the [ TECHNOLOGY ] role which makes sense since they’re usually [ FIRING POTTERY IN THE KILN AND BREWING A THIRD CUP OF COFFEE ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the [ MOON ]  building .  —  kati / she & her / est / 18+

links: stats / pinterest .

background

most of ezra’s early years were spent not fitting in and for most of that time, he didn’t know why. he didn’t understand why his father seemed to hate him so much, why his younger brother, caleb, seemed to get all of the attention. ezra chalked it up to just not being quite good enough, maybe because he wasn’t into sports the way caleb was, coming home with paint on his shirt instead of grass stains. 

for a while, ezra tried to fit in, went out for baseball to try and garner his father’s approval, but it was never really him. over time, he began to isolate himself instead, because it was easier to be on his own than face rejection and disapproval.

his mom was loving, but only behind closed doors. it always seemed like she was scared to show her affection for ezra in front of his father, like she felt GUILTY about loving him, about caring about him. she’d sneak into his room at night and read him stories or they’d spend all day together when his father was out of town. “ why does dad hate me so much ? ” he’d ask, and his mother would smile sadly and say, “ i’ll explain more when you’re older. ” 

ezra started developing his powers when he was about twelve years old. his mother had hoped it would never happen. it started small, realizing he could do things like make the toaster pop up without touching it or turn on the television with what seemed to be sheer willpower. his parents started noticing this too. he overheard them talking about it one night, fighting. ezra didn’t know what it meant, but over time, he’d listen at the top of the stairwell as the arguments got more and more heated, resulting in broken glass. caleb would sit with him sometimes. “ what are they always fighting about lately ? ” ezra would ask. “ you, ” the dreaded answer, but he’d already known. he just needed to hear someone say it. “ it’s because you’re a freak. ” 

anxious during a test at school, ezra set the printer going so hard that it started smoking and set the fire alarm off. to most people, it was nice to get out of the test, but ezra went home demanding answers. “ just tell me what i am, please ! ” rising frustration, appliances in the house whirring to life. ezra was getting more powerful, it was not just a PHASE that he could outgrow. his parents had to tell him the truth. 

his mother sit down and told him about an AFFAIR she had once, with the god hephaestus. he had been able to forgive her for it, but his father had never been able to get over the living manifestation of her disloyalty, the obvious misfit in the family that stuck out and didn’t belong. every day, ezra seemed less and less like he could be his father’s son. everything seemed to click into place for ezra, but it didn’t make him feel any better to be the product of circumstances he couldn’t control ; things would have been easier if he’d been born normal like caleb. 

his mother expressed concern for the way his powers were growing and that modern society might not be the place for him. she’d been told if such powers ever developed, that there was a place that he could go. so, at age fifteen he packed this things and began training at nemean lion. 

ezra naturally assimilated into the technology track with his powers, it seemed to make the most sense for him. in terms of helping heroes, he is most comfortable beneath the hood of a car, developing advanced transportation technology and essentially providing heroes with the best possible support. he also built his own motorcycle and car from scratch, they’re named thelma and louise respectively, his pride and joys. ezra is  a quiet person but get him talking about his hobbies / geeking out and you’ve hit the sweet spot. 

recently graduated and working, though he feels like he’s in no position to mentor the newbies…he’ll try. he would’ve been happy to be a student forever, but due to nl’s new status, he felt the need to rush his graduation and work a little harder so that they’d have the tech help they need for the heroes on the field fighting monsters and such. 

personality

PERSISTENT. essentially, when ezra sets his mind on something, he will accomplish it. in some ways, he can be pretty one-track minded when it comes to things, like he’ll start a task in the garage or at the kiln and he won’t speak to anyone for days until it’s done. balance ? he doesn’t know her. but achieving his goals ? yes, king. sometimes i think ezra believes that people are to be measured on accomplishments and his value only exists in terms of what he can do for others. however, you can definitely count on him to get a job done. 

PRACTICAL. ezra is a pretty realistic person, not the type to get caught up in a daydream or set an unrealistic expectation for himself. granted, he knows he can accomplish a lot, but he would never expect more of himself than what is tangible. he’s definitely not a naive person and is more inclined to believe actions over words every time. 

INDEPENDENT. ezra is the sort of person who has always felt like he’s had to fend for himself and is pretty mature. he’s good at taking care of himself and has never felt like he NEEDS other – not that anyone’s really need him. he’s very self-sufficient as a person basically and doesn’t rely on others to get things done. you’ll literally never feel like ezra’s a mooch, but he would let others mooch off him tbh. 

PESSMISTIC. as a result of that practicality, he can come off as rather negative in conversation or in ideals. essentially, ezra can be a real downer to be around sometimes because he will always anticipate the worst case scenario ! he’ll tell you he’s just being prepared though. 

SENSITIVE. although he comes off as tough or even unapproachable sometimes, this is actually because he’s EASILY hurt. he puts on a front like a badass but seriously he is a sensitive baby and if you say something that rubs him the wrong way he will legit never forget it. can literally hold a grudge for 8092390482 years like if you cross him slightly he will bring it up until you die. 

headcanons

if he’s not working with vehicles, he’s making pottery. he has a wheel in his room and is really passionate about art and ceramics. so, when he’s not working, he’s probably firing something.

yes, he has an etsy store <3 

has a little black cat named soot that is genuinely his best friend

has a natural affinity toward all things fire and smoke, developing the nasty habit of smoking cigarettes – american spirits, too, because he has no class. however, since he started dating his current girlfriend, he’s pretty much quit smoking to make her happy – and like, to be more kissable.

genuinely, his girlfriend cecilia baum ( y’all know her ? ) has been a super positive influence in his life because he used to drink, smoke, and isolate himself a lot more before getting to know her but honestly the act of developing a crush and trying to impress her all the time got him into better habits and her caring about him has made him care a bit about himself more too.

granted, it’s not JUST cece. making better friends and meeting people that care about him has been a positive influence on him overall

don’t ask me too much about cece, strud and i are mid-plotting but they are dating. 

you’d probably think like mechanic, artist, he must be super messy? however, ezra is really meticulous and organized, i would say he’s always been really mature and independent. he has his shit together, but he’s also fueled by a ridiculous amount of coffee in order to do so. 

though he does often smell like gasoline from working in the garage so much, though he personally loves that. 

really likes thrifting? like browsing thrift stores for hours and finding weird shit or interesting art pieces. he’ll treat thrift stores like museums, could spend hours walking around, but he’ll also spend hours walking around museums. 

wanted connections

best friends, bros, etc !! i’m looking for the people he really vibes with in a number of ways, his squad, his fam, the wholesome shit. the scott to his stiles, the schmidt to his nick, all of these things. 

but i would especially love to have like his DAY ONE, i will simply go crazy go stupid for a best friend connection and i feel like that person who supported him from the start and made him feel less alone on his first days at NL prob means the fucking world to him.

like, someone he’s protective of? maybe a little sister type connection, essentially someone that’s probably softer and more naive and he feels like he has to look out for them and keep them safe and such. 

someone to test out his vehicles and inventions. ezra is always tinkering away in the garage and he comes up with cool stuff for the heroes to use out when they’re saving the world, it would be nice if he had someone who was always down to literally come through in the middle of the night and be the elastigirl to his edna mode and all.

someone that he really clashes with. give me enemies for god’s sake, or anything, i feel like especially when he first arrived at NL he was a bit rough around the edges, hard to get to know. ezra definitely comes off as grumpy and standoffish around people he’s not super comfortable with and he’s pretty introverted, so they might have gotten a bad impression of him. 

or honestly if you play a char that’s kind of ? stuck up ? full of themselves ? that would really rub him the wrong way. tho he’s probably just jealous bc he lacks that confidence like damn. 

an almost? like a case of bad timing where they were hitting it off or maybe there could have been something between them but he started dating cece instead. maybe your character read into it more than it was and felt really hurt by it. OR he told them he didn’t want a relationship/do relationships and then started dating cece right quick like that’s gotta hurt. 

someone who is good w money. help him manage the finances of his etsy store and how to run a business because he doesn’t even know how to properly price his own goods, probably undersells himself. gimme the business mind to his art mind. 

drinking buddies! sitting around w a good glass of scotch talking about life after a hard day. ezra doesn’t drink so much but honestly their work is hard and ppl die so like, a lil something to take the edge off. 

roommates? is that a thing here? he is in moon building.

naturally also down to vibe and plot anything, exes, family members, enemies, besties, all the things, this is just off the top of my head !!! 

[twistedtummies2]

31 Days of Disney Villainy - Number 2

The 31 Days of Disney Villainy Continues! I’ve been counting down my Top 31 Favorite Villains from Walt Disney Animation Studios’ film output. We’re very nearly at the end of the race! Our second place villain is one shadowy character. Number 2 is…Dr. Facilier, from The Princess and the Frog.

There has recently been a bit of backlash about this character over the past couple of years. You see, when this Shadow Man first appeared, he was accepted with enormous applause. Disney immediately recognized the character’s popularity and began marketing him like wildfire; perhaps more than any other character in this movie, he made the biggest impact. His villain song was widely considered the best part of the film, and everything about this bad guy seemed to click with audiences back in 2009 and the early 2010s in a HUGE way. Pretty soon, he was taking over stage shows from other villains, popping up in costume around the parks, getting all kinds of merchandise out of his image…this guy was, for a while, everyone’s New Favorite Disney Villain. However, starting somewhere in the mid-to-late 2010s, that opinion seemed to change. Lots of people have seemingly fallen out of love with Facilier over time, pointing out that, even though he’s a really fun character, he’s something of a peripheral antagonist. The chief weakness people point out is that he almost never interacts with the main protagonists. I suppose that’s fair, but other great villains have had limited interaction with the protagonists too, and we still love them. Others have stated his motivations are weak, and I honestly disagree with that: Facilier is motivated primarily by greed, envy, and ambition. He resents the rich and famous of New Orleans, seemingly feeling shunned by society, and uses his voodoo powers to try and gain wealth and power. In the process, he also plans to repay his debt with the “Friends on the Other Side” who allow him to do his dastardly, dark work. It’s a relatively standard setup, I suppose, but it’s an understandable motivation and set of goals, and I think it ultimately works out. It also serves as a great parallel to Tiana: even though the two only have one brief interaction, it’s indicated that she somehow knows about him, and he seems to know a lot about her (whether this is because they have some history or simply due to Facilier’s powers in the case of the latter, at least, is hard to determine). Tiana, like Facilier, has huge dreams of fortune and prestige, and at times seems frustrated by those who lord their own prominence over her. However, Tiana never loses sight of her humanity (ironically, since she gets turned into a frog), and comes to realize that there are more important things in life. Facilier, however, never learns that lesson. I also want to give credit to this character for having probably the best “Disney Villain Kill Scene” since Scar’s murder of Mufasa: in this case, Facilier ends up killing a major supporting character (I won’t say who or how; if you’ve seen the film, or know anything about this guy, you probably already know), which is kind of a big accomplishment, as I said before. The animation and sense of style this character has is wonderful; with his Baron Samedi-inspired design and slick, smooth, snappy way of moving, he’s a joy every time he pops up. There’s just so much raw personality and charisma to him. Plus, he’s a legitimately awesome con man…more awesome than you might think! He not only manages to con people, but the way he talks to his “Friends” indicates he knows how to play their cards, too; he can find ANYBODY’S weakness and exploit it, and he knows how to use the power of wordplay to his cunning advantage. Top it off with the sultry, strong voice of Keith David (this is easily my favorite performance of his; sorry, Goliath and Spawn), and it’s pretty clear why he made such a big splash when he first came out…and it’s equally clear why I still name him as my second favorite Disney Villain. But, of course, there is still one more I like even better. Tomorrow, the countdown concludes with My All Time Favorite Disney Villain. HINT: If You Haven’t Guessed Who It Is By Now…That IS An Awkward Situation.

[marvels-writings]

Phoenix and the Stars (2)

| Part 1 |

Carol Danvers Masterlist

Series Masterlist

A/N: woop had a mental breakdown on saturday, so that’s fun, i talked to a close friend after and wrote this, so hey not that bad. (also reader has the same background as the Maria hill one shot The One Where You Accidentally Threw a Punching Bag at Her (or sm similarly named) but check it out for the backstory)

A loud knocking at your door woke you up, you groggily checked the alarm clock, it was 4:27, what the hell. You got up and walked to the door, hand rubbing your head slightly.

“What the hell are you doing?” Carol asked, she wore a thick jacket on top of a light pink t shirt and light blue jeans with white vans. And she had a duffel bag in her hand.

“I was sleeping, now I’m asking you why I’m not sleeping anymore.” You retorted groggily, glaring at Carol who raised an eyebrow.

“We have a mission to go to in 2 minutes.” Carol stated.

“SHIT!” You yelled, retracting your hand from your head and sprinting across your room, gathering everything you could need.

Underwear, bras, t shirts, jeans, pajamas, hoodies, your thickest jacket, a fancy outfit and a dance outfit just in case. You tripped over about five pairs of shoes in order to find the right pair. Carol started laughing at you sprinting across the bed to get your things.

“Can you stop laughing and turn around so I can change?” You said aggressively, taking off your sweatshirt before she could answer. You saw her face turn a bright red before you threw your sweatshirt into the Adidas duffel bag you were preparing. You hurriedly changed into a light blue t shirt, navy blue jeans, dark blue hoodie and your signature white adidas. Grabbing a jacket while putting your shoes wasn’t the best idea, you crashed face first into your closet.

“Is Maria really that bad?” Carol joked, she had seen you prepare enough outfits for an entire week in less than a minute and you fell face first into a wooden closet not to be late.

“Oh you have no idea.” You shouted, putting on your shoes and zipping up the duffel bag. You glanced at your alarm clock to see it was 4:30 already. “Let’s go.” You said, grabbing your jacket and shouldering past Carol.

Of course, you tripped on your shoelaces instantly. A small squeal came out at the sudden loss of balance, but something stopped you before you could touch the ground. You opened your eyes as you were pulled back up by your waist.

“You’re such an idiot.” Carol said, rolling her eyes and pulling you up by your shirt, resting her arm on your waist after. “You okay?” She asked, closer to you than before.

“Uh, I’m fine, I think.” You said, your gaze accidentally slipping to her lips before you rushed back into your room to get your phone and bluetooth speaker and headphones.

“I said 4:30 sharp.” Maria said, walking through the doors with her arms crossed.

“I know, I forgot, I’m sorry.” You apologized hurriedly, shoving your phone in your back pocket and your speaker in your duffel bag.

“Let’s just go.” Maria said, walking away. You and Carol jogged a little to catch up with her. “Try to be punctual next time.”

“Well she did get 20 outfits together in a minute, cut her a bit of slack.” Carol commented, then smirked when she saw a surprised expression at her defending you. “She only forgot about the mission.”

“And here I thought you were defending me!” You said, slapping her arm slightly, causing Carol to laugh and Maria to roll her eyes.

“Would I ever?” Carol joked, you joined Maria in rolling her eyes this time.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

The position for the stakeout wasn’t bad, it was terrible. The meeting for the arms dealing was across a frozen lake from a small wooden cabin, the stakeout. The cabin was barely insulated, with a broken heating system but it had multiple fireplaces.

“At least there’s two rooms.” You offered, trying to be more optimistic about it.

“Optimistic phoenix at it again.” Carol joked, setting her duffel bag in the small living room.

The ground floor was small, if anything. There was a small wooden kitchen with maybe 10 small cabinets and a fridge. The counter had 3 barstools set across from it. Right next to it, there was the living room. It had a loveseat, two single couches across a fireplace. There was a TV on the wall next to the fireplace. The door was across from the fireplace.

After going up the creaky wooden steps, you found a small hallway with two rooms directly across from each other, the only bathroom just ahead of the two doors. And no attic or basement.

“This was the best Maria could do?” Carol asked, letting out a frustrated groan and flopping down on the loveseat.

“It was the closest she could get us.” You shouted from upstairs after finding a vinyl player in one room and recordings in the other.

“Hey look what I found.” You offered, heading downstairs with the objects in your hands, the stairs creaking.

“A vinyl player?” She asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“Yeah, and some newer recordings.” You stated, setting up the player on the counter and plugging it into the plug next to the barstools.

“So much fun.” Carol remarked, walking over behind you to find a few vinyls from the mid 2010’s. She picked up the 25 Adele album.

“Didn’t know you were a person for Adele.” You remarked, taking the record and putting it in. Water Under The Bridge started playing the instant you plugged it in, you couldn’t help but grin.

“I haven’t really heard much of Adele to be honest,” Carol said, her eyes widening slightly at the music. “But this sounds really good!”

“Star Girl really needs to keep up with pop culture.” You remarked, digging through the box for the first album. She slapped you on the arm jokingly and sat down in front of the fireplace, shivering slightly through her hoodie. After sorting through the records, you learnt there were only two albums from 2015, Oh Wonder and 25 by Adele. There were tons of other records from the early 2010’s and a few One Direction albums. You even found Halsey’s first album there.

You switched off the music and sat across from Carol on one of the single seaters. You noticed her shivering slightly and shot a small fireball towards the already prepared logs in the fireplace. Carol gave you a small nod and continued to stare at the fire, deep in thought.

“What’s on your mind?” You asked, leaning forwards on your elbows to get closer to the fire and to look at Carol.

“Nothing, I just,” She paused slightly and sighed. “I missed so much in the five years I was gone.”

“You only missed a ton of pop culture and memes, you’re fine.” You joked, leaning back in your chair as Carol glared at you. “No seriously, you only missed 5 years, Captain America missed a hundred, you’re honestly fine.”

Carol nodded  her head, considering what you said. She knew you were right, five years wasn’t as bad as a hundred, but still.

“Thanks.” She said after a pause.

“Sure, friends?” You asked, outreaching a hand for her to shake. She looked at you skeptically before shaking your hand.

“Friends.”

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“Carol we’ve been cooped up here for 3 days.” You whined, sitting next to her on the loveseat as she read one of the books she brought.

The target was supposed to arrive for the deal two days ago, and there was little to no entertainment here. You and Carol had started talking, mainly about the things in the house and a little bit about your past. You had found out she was human but captured by Kree for 5 years, and now she worked with the Avengers, neat.

“I’m aware of that.” She retorted, glancing up at you before returning to her book. You rolled your eyes and snatched her book, raising your eyebrows at her annoyance.

Both of you knew the only reason this mission was lasting so long was because of the delay, but you were bored. Currently, you were wearing a thin short sleeved t shirt and sweatpants, Carol wore a thick strapped tank top and leggings.

“I’m bored.” You stated, she raised an eyebrow in turn.

“Do you want to dance?” She joked, meaning to say if you wanted her to dance. But actually, dancing together didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“You mean together?” You asked, she made a confused face but before she could react, you glanced at the records, shrugged and answered your own question. “Sure.”

You got up and sorted through the records, deciding the Oh Wonder records would probably be the best. ‘Technicolour beat’ started playing softly through the house as you plugged the vinyl player in. Carol was still sitting in the same place.

“Hey you said you wanted to dance.” You commented, leaning back against the window as the song continued to play.

‘Let loose your glow

Come settle down, settle down’

“Fine.” Carol grumbled and walked over to you, still a little confused on how to dance since you’d picked a slow song.

“Do you want to do a slow dance or…?” You asked curiously, watching her fidget with her hands.

“Not sure, what songs are on the recording?” She asked, you knelt down next to the record to see. “Bad idea.” She commented, seeing you were about to lift up the needle.

“Fine, though last time I listened to this album they only had the slow songs.” You commented, getting back up before realized Carol didn’t really know how to dance. “You don’t really know how to dance, do you?” You asked curiously, tilting your head to the side.

“There’s no need to rub it in.” Carol defended, crossing her arms. You laughed slightly at her defensive behaviour.

“I’m not, I’m offering to teach you.” You chuckled slightly at her shocked expression as you offered her your hand.

Carol glanced from your hand to your face, her arms still crossed for a few seconds with a raised eyebrow. You shrugged slightly and were about to take back your offer when she took your hand, your face lighting up with a smile.

“So, it’s actually really simple, don’t worry.” You joked, taking her other hand as well. “We can do waltz or the usual casual style.” You said, holding her hands in yours like it was a normal thing, Carol’s face starting to light up a bright pink.

“A mix?” She asked, you laughed slightly and nodded, missing her smile when you laughed.

“Sure, so you put your hand in mine, like this.” You instructed holding up your joined hands at eye level. “Then, since this is usually a male and a female, I’ll be the male to show-”

“Nah, let’s do it the other way around.” Carol joked, grinning at you. You giggled slightly, mirroring her grin before rethinking your instructions.

“Fine, so I put my hand on your shoulder,” You said, hesitantly resting your hand on her shoulder, directly on her skin. She blushed slightly, you could feel her tense up slightly, drawing your hand away. “Is this okay?” You asked, looking up at her slightly, a bit scared you had over stepped.

“No, it’s fine.” Carol said, relaxing slightly when you put your hand back on her shoulder.

‘Warm, unalone

Come settle down, settle down’

“Ok, well you put your hand around my waist.” You instructed, when Carol raised an eyebrow you rolled your eyes and took your hand away from her shoulder to instruct her hand, you put it right above your hip. “Like so.”

Carol blushed slightly, clenching her jaw at the closeness. Even though she wouldn’t admit it, it had been forever since she had been close with someone, it had been forever since she had danced, or waltzed as you liked to call it, and it felt… nice.

“And now?” Carol asked curiously, her voice lower than it was before. Both of you were warm, the sunlight glinting softly in your eyes and hair.

“And now we just sway.” You whispered, looking up into her eyes, feeling more relaxed than you have anytime before this mission. The two of you gently rocked from side to side, sharing body heat while everything else was cold around you.

‘And I feel life for the very first time

Love in my arms, and the sun in my eyes’

Both of you couldn’t help but blush at the lyric. You rested your head on her shoulder, shuffling slightly closer to her while swaying. You felt her tense up again, you were about to pull away before she interrupted you.

“It’s okay, you’re not making me uncomfortable.” She comforted, almost like she was reading your mind. You smiled slightly and rested your head back onto her shoulder, letting her warmth envelop you as the two of you swayed gently in the sunset. You hadn’t felt this relaxed or well, intimate in a long time. SHIELD had kind of taken away your chance at a normal relationship. But now, well you never thought you’d have this chance with the great Captain marvel, taking in the fact the two of you had only become friends a few days ago. Honestly, you wish you could read minds.

If you could, you would’ve found Carol felt a similar way. She wanted to be in a relationship, badly, but she was terrified of the consequences. She was away most of the time, her partner would suffer and so would she. To be honest, she was terrified of what loving someone could mean, but she never thought it would be as easy as this.

‘In a technicolour beat, you and me (found another feeling)

Caught up in a dream, in a technicolour beat’

The relationship had started off as enemies, gone to friends. And now, it was about to go a completely different direction, but you were ready to go through it with Carol, you didn’t know yet she felt the same way.

Tag list: @capcarolsdanver​​, @versdan​​, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught​​, @lovebotlarson​​, @dhengkt​​, @5aftermidnight​​, let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

A/N: This was extra long to pay up for the inactivity. I’m just getting back results for exams and they are a bit disappointing. Especially English, which I expected a bit better in. This is actually one of my new fav writing pieces, so reblogs would be AMAZING, thanks. But anyway, here’s the next part of Phoenix and the Stars, feedback is amazing, thank you!

| Part 3 |