#and realising even more fic that I’ve read but didn’t bookmark

[eitlean]

I read a destiel fic. It’s amazing. I check the author. It’s sobsicles.

[starryskiescottagepies]

★ Marauders (mostly wolfstar) fics I have enjoyed recently ★

I think most people are already familiar with these, but I figured I’d compile a list for at least my own sake, if not for the fuck of it. No particular order, just whichever one popped into my mind first. Also I almost exclusively read regular magical fics, not muggle aus, though sometimes I will branch out.

1.) The Horcrux Hunt - lostmy_keys

He is a Slytherin, a Black, and an ex-Death Eater. Of course he makes it out of the cave.

Regulus sets out to destroy the Dark Lord's Horcrux with no one but a house-elf to help, until he realises his task is bigger than he alone can handle. Reluctantly he turns to the only man Voldemort fears for assistance - Dumbledore - who loans out his pet wolf for the job, much to Regulus's dismay. Together they embark on a hunt for Horcruxes - a long and arduous journey that both makes friendships and destroys them. And a few people get hurt along the way.

Slowburn Wolfstar, Regulus character development, a very flirty (but platonic) Regulus and Remus friendship, and a canonically manipulative Dumbledore.

This is by far one of my recent favourites. It’s too good. I’m not super into jegulus, but if that’s your thing, the sequel has them as a kind of background development :]

2.) Let Nothing You Dismay - montparnasse

There are a few things Sirius really didn't count on for Christmas of 1979. The extreme sexual confusion is one of them; Remus Lupin is approximately seventy-eight of the rest.

I bookmarked this with a note saying “this writing style is gorjus. Gongepus” at 1:30 in the morning, and that’s all I have to say about that.

3.) disintegration - moonymoment

Okay I won’t even bother putting the summary here, almost everyone has read it, it’s fantastic. Knife cutting vampire themed sexual tension, kak long too. Sound good? Lekker. Thought so.

4.) Stealing Harry (and its subsequent cinematic universe) - copperbadge

On a dark night long ago, Sirius Black took a wrong turn and never found Peter Pettigrew. Instead of Azkaban, Sirius settled down in Little Whinging to keep an eye on his godson, and hired Remus Lupin to run his bookshop for him. Then one day when Harry was eight, Sirius found out how the Dursleys treated him, and stole him away.

I’m going to make a whole separate post about this one because it’s a work of art. It’s so sweet. Ahh. It’s an iconic old series too, started before I even existed. It’s been one of my favourite things as of late. I wish it had been completed, but I also love it as it is, and I don’t feel I need any more than that. The first story is beautiful, but frankly it’s the alternative universe which comes after that I keep rereading. So so so so so good.

5.) Remain in Light - veeagainst

What if Sirius Black didn’t die? It’s been done many times. Here’s my take on it.

One of the best “wolfstar kind of adopts Harry” sorts of stories in my opinion, and done so in such a graceful way too. Blood sweat tears and six whole years (!!!!) of writing went into this thing and you can really see how no word was wasted. What a beautiful story

6.) The Bent - earlybloomingparenthesis

1985, London. The wizarding queer art scene revolves around a gallery called the Bent, where conceptual artist Remus Lupin and photographer Sirius Black exhibit their works, and a club called the Bush, where they spend time with Jane and Lily Potter, who work at a nearby heath clinic. Although war with Voldemort was averted, the wizarding world is still simmering with tension. In the face of increasing intolerance and calls for censorship, Remus’ art takes a riskier, more political turn, and he must figure out how to balance self-expression and safety. Also, he might be falling in love with his best friend.

It’s been a while since something ive read has caused my to need to go on a walk and just think. This story will make you do that. Queer truths and families and mess and art. That’s it that’s the book. It’s one of the nine fics I’ve thrown into my “lifechanging fanfics” collection and it’s there for a REASON! You will not regret reading it.

[gimlilithegreat]

10,000 kudos feels like such a ridiculous milestone that I don’t really know what to do with myself.

Except to say thank you to all the people who have been reading, responding and in general being colossally wonderful to me.

I initially started writing Don’t think about it because I loved the existing crossovers but wanted to read something where Harry was less traumatised or had at least processed more and I wasn’t sure I was ever going to post it. And then I hit 40k and decided that I might as well.

I was genuinely shocked by the reception. I was sending my best mate message after message getting excited about how many people were already reading at chapter 1.

I know there’s a lot of commentary on the responsibility of readers to leave comments and I am firmly of the opinion that readers should be allowed to interact as much or as little with a fic as they feel like. I am a born lurker and generally don’t post much on social media (tumblr has been a learning curve) and I have probably only commented on the tiniest fraction of fics.

I didn’t even realise I could leave kudos until I was embarrassingly deep into fandom and only started regularly bookmarking last year (all the johnlock and Merlin fics I will never find again haunt me).

But dear god, you every chapter stanleys are the lifeblood. I’ve never finished a piece of writing in my life but with the power of endorphin rushes and knowing that people were waiting for me to update… just thank you, thank you so much.

I have been leaning into fanfic for a long time to distract me when my life gets shit or my mental health goes down the toilet and I definitely still do that (looking at you teen wolf, Jan/Feb was a disaster) but converting some of that addiction into writing has been such a game changer.

Writing fanfic has turned into such a blessing for me in so many ways and I am unbelievably proud of my first completed fic. I’d like to think I would still be proud of it if it hadn’t had such a positive reception but I’m honest enough with myself to know that I likely would have run out of steam on my own.

I’m incredibly lucky to have this and endlessly overjoyed that I get to write all of these cool and terrible ideas I have and have some of you actually read them.

So I’m going to keep writing and updating and throwing my terrible sense of humour at you all.

What a privilege.

[toukatan]

You read every gojohime fic???? That's amazing!!! What are your favourites?

hello anonie! i guess i can say i’ve read at least a good 80% of all the fics, at least. probably. most likely because the fic tag at the start of the year was tiny and now the community’s grown so much there’s almost 600 of them. that’s insane to me. like hello?

i have a lotta fics that come to mind, that i should honestly make a master post on because i love them all. so here are a few many that came to mind immediately as i typed this up.

gojohime fic recommendations!

multichapter

limitations by ohmytheon 

“Parenthood chooses you," her mother used to tell her, but Utahime never understood that saying more than the moment she realized she was pregnant with Gojo Satoru's child. They were never meant to be something serious - never meant to be more than they were - and yet they both suddenly find themselves in a world that doesn't care about their desires - and that brings them closer in a way that no one else can understand. It won't be easy and it won't be kind to either of them, but it appears as if the universe has other plans for them

no one is what they were before by ohmytheon 

The world broke when Gojo Satoru turned on jujutsu society. It's not the hopeful place it was before, but Utahime has never been one to give up. Until she's placed in a dangerous position directly in his path, and she finds herself trapped in a web that doesn't seem intent on ever letting her go.

and touch me like you never by ohmytheon 

In public, Gojo is a special grade bastard, especially to Utahime, and has been all their lives. He knows exactly what insults to throw and what buttons to push to drive her up a wall. In private, however, he's got quite a few other things to tell and show her, which only makes things more confusing. It would be easier if she could avoid him entirely, but for some reason, he won't let her go entirely.

gravity by aerfei

This is Utahime, fierce and indomitable, and this is Satoru, who despite holding the world’s regard, still craves something that Utahime has had all her life. Coming together is sometimes an act of desperation, and sometimes a deliberate choice. Or: An Iori Utahime character study, through the lens of her relationship with Gojo Satoru, starting from the beginning and ending at the Goodwill Event arc. Manga spoilers and (at least 95%) canon-compliant through (at least) chapter 135.

count every single leaf in autumn by florieneofthesea

“I told my family we’re dating.” Utahime’s hand hovers over the door. “What?!” (or: Gojo tells his family that he's dating Utahime to get them off his back, so of course they invite her to the dreaded family dinner™)

favourite colour by otherthingsonhold

At 28, Satoru Gojo's responsibilities only start to multiply. With his clan looking to him to lead the family, and the balance of the universe in his hands, Gojo isn't thinking of much else. But when his mother brings something to his attention, the only thing Gojo can do is follow through. But how is Utahime Iori part of all of this?

gojo catoru by ashittywriter

Utahime is tasked to catsit a suspiciously large Persian dollface cat with pristine white hair, the most boop-able nose, and to top it off the cutest cerulean eyes. Too bad the cat also happens to be her idiotic colleague Gojo Satoru.

at the tail-end of spring by florieneofthesea

Utahime doesn't expect to remember her ex's number off by heart but it comes in handy when she's a little less than sober outside a club in a city she's not familiar with and her battery on three percent. She just wishes things turned out differently for them. (Or, post-break up exploration where outer forces refuse to let them have their happy ending.)

a second chance by onewordmore

In another world, it wasn't Geto who sneered down at humanity, regarding them to be worthless monkeys that deserved to die. In another world, it wasn't Geto who openly defied the Jujutsu Council and brought down terror and fear to all. In another world, it wasn't just Amanai Riko who died that day, amidst the cheers and delighted cries of the insane. And Utahime was going to learn, first hand, the consequences of her own death.

from you to me by onewordmore

A drabble series regarding Gojo and Utahime. From fluff to smut to angst to love. This is going to have it all.

oneshots

oceansize by aerfei

The marriage is arranged by their families, small clans both, with all their hopes and traditions laid gently upon the shoulders of their only heirs -- and yet, this distance is impassable.

under the cover of darkness by ohmytheon

It takes a little alcohol, early morning hours, and a game of truth or dare for Gojo and Utahime to admit some difficult truths to each other.

risk/reward by ohmytheon 

No punishment had ever been more effective in making Gojo do his actual job than receiving praise from his secretary - or more grueling than when Utahime withheld it.

like a good roommate by ohmytheon

Utahime has a problem: her bed wasn't delivered to the new apartment. Her ridiculous roommate, Gojo, has a solution - but he's kind of panicking on the inside.

aware of us by halspur 

“We did alright, didn’t we?” Gojo put his phone down after taking several dozen photos of Tsumiki walking across the stage, his eyes soft. “I mean, we were just kids, too.”

love song by halspur

“Because you’re weak.” Gojo said, muffled into the thin skin of her throat. “I can’t leave you alone.”

tear you apart by halspur

“I don’t want to be mean to you,” Utahime’s cheek was pressed into his spine, her voice muffled. “I like you.”

cuddles are for clean boyfriends by just_trying_my_best_everyday

Utahime finds Gojo Satoru sitting right behind the door, blindfold hanging on his neck, completely soaked in blood and petting her cat with both hands. And he stinks.

honey by florieneofthesea

Gojo Satoru experiences love a decade before he fully realises it.

roots by florieneofthesea 

At the start of winter, Utahime starts to cough up blood. She thinks maybe its just the lingering damage from her last mission, but the coughing persists and it starts to scratch her throat, and itch at her lungs and when she finally makes the trip to Tokyo to ask Shoko for her help, she doesn't even get the first word out. Shoko welcomes her at the entrance to Tokyo Metropolitan Technical School and Utahime hacks up a single, pale blue petal, smattered with blood. She stares down at the flora on the ground and wonders if she's been cursed. Utahime looks up, and Shoko's eyes are wide.

to have and to hold by ashittywriter

“M’sorry," Gojo said his voice slurring at the end. "But please go away, I have a girlfriend." Utahime blinked in confusion. What the fuck? 

souvenir by PrettyKittyLuvsU

“Aha!” Gojo tugged something out of his pocket, his long fingers curled around it as he held his hand behind his back. His other hand waved before him, a cheeky grin splitting his lips. “Ora, ora! Hold out your hand.” Utahime stared flatly. “Ora, ora!” Gojo persisted, continuing to wave his hand as he grinned. “Hold out your hand already!” Utahime scowled at the hand swaying infront of her face. She had half a mind to slap the man instead, but her students were closely watching. Even Gojo’s students, the second years mainly—for Sukuna’s vessel was apologizing profusely as the brown haired girl continued kicking him while the quiet one made no effort to stop her— looked in fascination at whatever ridiculous souvenir Gojo wanted to hand her. Utahime slowly lifted her arm, already planning on throwing the thing back in Gojo’s annoying face. Gojo gets Utahime a very special kind of souvenir. Set during the start of the Goodwill arc.

dayum this exposes me huh? i do be reading a lot but what can i say i love to see it. all these fics are amazing, to the writers y’all are doing fantastically like my goodness you be really putting ya girl in a loop with some of these fics with your plot-lines and doing it flawlessly. can’t thank them enough for them, their hard work and time!

be sure to show the writers some love and support with comments, bookmarks and fight that dayum kudos button when it smiles at you because lemme leave more—

i think they’d really really appreciate it when they hear the bing and be sure to check out all of their stories including the ones in the pairing tag! happy readings 😙✨

[basicallyahedgehog]

A Year Of Me

I have a 2022 in fic post half-finished for later, but I’m feeling self-indulgent and also sappy from some sweet messages. So I’m doing this too.

I walked into 2022 identifying as a cisgender, heterosexual, allosexual, alloromantic woman. I would have told you I was an LGBTQIA+ ally, but I honestly knew very little about the community, our history, or anything related to transition, coming out, etc etc etc.

I read queer fanfic like it was an illicit drug - terrified of being caught, but even more afraid of having it taken away. I trawled tags and realists and bookmarks for characters that were trans, nonbinary, ace, and every other form of queer identity I could think of. I tried to ignore how much they felt like home.

In March I came out to myself,y husband and my mum as ace. For the first time in a very long time I didn’t feel like I was broken just because I didn’t want what the world told me I should. I wasn’t a bad wife, I was ace. It was freeing.

On the 29th May I finally let myself think the words “I’m not Cis”. It took a few more weeks of trying out different things, but by mid-June I identified as nonbinary, used they/them pronouns, joined the most incredible group of people over at the magical trans server, and even came out to a couple of select coworkers. I wrote my first trans character, and got gifted the most beautiful ace fic that still makes me cry.

The months of July through October were murky and full of confusion and tears over my orientation and my gender - things I thought I’d figured out already. I realised I’m demiromantic, and also bi. I started wearing pronoun and pride pins to work, and found the two sweetest allies in my uni students.

I found the term “fluidflux” and cried. By mid-November I started playing around with pronouns again and settled on “genderfluid nonbinary” as a term that finally felt like all of me. I started a new job on the 28th. On the 29th I came out to my supervisor and team leader, gave them permission to tell relevant colleagues so I didn’t have to come out twenty times, and got my pronouns put on my email signature.

In December I’ve survived going stealth for a two week family holiday, chosen a new name, and been overwhelmed by the love and support flooding into my notifs and DMs.

I don’t know what 2023 will bring. I can’t imagine it bringing a greater number of discoveries than 2022, but I also know never to say never! I certainly know that I am so much more myself today than I was on Jan 1 2022.

I know this was super self indulgent. And if you made it this far, thank you. But also, thank you for all the love and support over the last 12 months. Without each and every person in my little fandom bubble, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Some have been particularly instrumental but I I start tagging I’m afraid I’ll miss someone. You know who you are.

So I’ll end this with all my love, and best wishes for a wonderful, authentic 2023

[londonfoginacup]

There are certain times in life where everything slows down. Times when looking back at your memories feels like looking through crystal clear waters instead of dense autumn fog.

I remember exactly what I was doing when I heard Steal My Girl’s radio premiere on BBC R1. I was in my bedroom putting away my laundry, into the pink and purple plastic drawers that served as a makeshift dresser in a house of seven girls where space was precious.

I remember thinking, oh, this is good. I like this, actually. I hadn’t expected to like something by One Direction, but hey, they said this was their new stuff. Maybe there’s more like this.

I don’t know what prompted me to search them on tumblr of all places, probably just because it was my social media of choice and I wanted to know what they looked like. But i was immediately and violently thrust into a foreign fandom, right smack dab in the middle of the Four leak.

I remember clear as day the feeling that I couldn’t tell anyone, as I scrolled endlessly through the tumblr search page, listening to all the LQ songs. No one would respect me, I told myself. This is just a phase anyway, I’ll be over them in a few days and SMG will be just another song on my playlist.

But then I accidentally followed someone — an active larrie at the time, not that I knew what that was — and it’s like I can see that Robert Frost poem playing out in real time in my memories; two roads diverged in a yellow wood. I was fascinated. I discovered fan fiction. I was in my third year of college and suddenly I was sneaking my tablet under my desk during class to read Young & Beautiful (it was brand new), Fading, and fics I found through other author’s bookmarks.

I downloaded WMYB onto my iPod Classic and it fucking glitched my iPod. The thing turned off the first time I played the song, and didn’t turn on again for a whole day.

And I remember all that, I remember making a deal with myself that I would only read fic at school, and real books at home because I couldn’t let this get out of control (spoiler: it did), but even more than that, I remember the way I felt.

I had never been confident in my looks. I didn’t know how fashion worked or how to wear makeup. I had the same hairstyle from the time I was six. I wore exclusively t-shirts and bootcut jeans and red converse. And then One Direction came into my life and I made the startling discovery that nothing was stopping me from dressing like them.

My first lipstick was drug store lipstick that was gifted to me by my roommate because her “dad had picked it out not realising it’s clearly white girl lipstick”. I paired it with glittery gold eyeshadow because Louis had rose gold eyeshadow. I wore skinny jeans for the first time and I remember my first day walking to Medieval History in them, and feeling confident in myself for the first time… ever.

I stopped brushing my curly hair into a frizzy mess because Harry had curls and his hair looked like mine. I bought a ring with a knotted sailor’s rope on it and wore it at all times, to match the big shiny new necklaces I found. bought flowy, busy, patterned shirts with roses and polka dots, because Harry wore that, and I realised I could look good, I could look like those people I always admired.

I bought clogs because I didn’t have the courage for boots for about a year and a half, but that’s fine. Small steps.

I remember fall of 2014 so vividly. I remember the way the orange leaves crunched under my clogs. I remember looking in the mirror and realising I was in charge of how i dressed. I remember feeling so proud when people complimented my transformation, my new confidence.

I started a dedicated one direction blog. It had maybe ten followers that first year, but that was more than my art blog I’d had for six years had ever gotten so that was fine.

Anyway, my point is my 1D anniversary is coming up, I think about a month from now. I’ve written almost 100 1D fanfics, I’ve sent around 500 1D Christmas cards, I’m on my third year of Inktober and I’ve done enough fanart that it’s even started to be stolen and reposted. I saw One Direction live once (and broke up with my boyfriend a month after), Louis live once, Niall live once, and Harry live three(?? Four??) times. I’ve even admitted to my IRL friends that hey, sometimes my guilty pleasure is listening to that boy band — you know, One Direction?

And I’m going to forget the date entirely when it comes, so I want to say it now; I’m so mother fucking thankful for finding this community.

[chilly-me-softly]

Are u going to do a part 3 to the chilly fic its so good <3

Part 1 - Part 2

"I did something stupid" you announce as soon as Mason opens the door to his house, walking in and heading for the living room as if you were at your house.

"You? When have you ever done that in your life" the boy rolls his eyes sarcastically as you glare at him. "This is no time for jokes Mason"

"Okay come here" he claps a hand on the couch after sitting down, inviting you to sit next to him so you don't go back and forth, "What happened"

"Do you promise not to judge?"

"Hmm no but I'm listening" he retorts immediately and a groan escapes your lips as you lower your head and start to doubt at that very moment that that is the right thing to do. But if you don't tell someone, if you don't open up to him, you're gonna go crazy. So you take a deep breath and do your best not to look at him.

"Do you remember how Ben helped me that day? Well I wanted to thank him so I brought him a cake"

"Okay" Mason states looking suddenly curious as to where this is going.

"I just- I used a big plate hoping he might bring it back. But he didn't! Ugh why am I so stupid" it takes him a few seconds to realize the meaning of your words, his body straightening up at the revelation while yours almost wants to get swallowed up by the couch in embarrassment.

"You like Ben? Since when?" but still, his tone isn't judgmental, if anything curious and shocked.

"Mase"

"What? You guys are always fighti- oh"

"What oh" you look at your friend lost as he seems to be lost somewhere in his memory before returning to look at you turning slightly towards you.

"Of course! How the fuck did I miss that" he murmurs, "you acted the same way with Tim Reese when we were sixteen"

"Okay first how do you still remember Tim and second what are you talking about?!" you ask somewhat shocked as he smiles mischievously ready to strike. Oh you knew it wasn't a good idea.

"You were always nervous when it came to him and then when he got close to you you became this impassable fortress of coldness and sarcasm. The poor guy had to sweat to even get a kiss"

"That's not true" you try to defend yourself in vain.

"I might be a little offended you know, you didn't even have a little crush on me"

"Please, you're like my brother ew" you wince as he laughs shaking his head.

"So that's how it is today, it all ends over a plate?"

"It was an excuse Mase" you roll your eyes, "if he wanted to see me again he'd know how to hook me up" in short you had even sent each other a few messages, just to test the waters not knowing how far you could go at the time. But your relationship had never been just about the two of you and there was always that fear of ruining that little step forward lurking.

"Maybe who knows, he needs some kind of push too. Ben isn't the cocky guy he wants to appear after all"

"You know something I don't Mase" you look at him inspectively, him raising an eyebrow. "I won't say anything about him if I can't do otherwise"

"No mh-mh forget it" you shake your head firmly, Mason could talk to you about Ben all he wanted no one would know and you still knew how to handle a rejection by acting like nothing happened. But Ben knowing about your feelings and not returning them... no thanks, you didn't need any more embarrassment in your life to deal with.

"Well then you'll never know what he thinks of you"

"What's he even supposed to think, that I'm a crazy person who always has a say in everything and out of pity helped when I was sick" you shrug as he smiles knowingly, he's never going to tell you how worried his friend seemed in the days following your illness or how he was trying to find out something under the radar. Not if he can't tell him that he might find the door open if he wants to join your world. But as sure as hell he would have done something.

-

You correct yourself. That's the moment you know it wasn't a good idea to tell Mase.

He had asked you a couple of times if you were going to watch the game that saturday, he always did that when there were tough games because he said you were his good luck charm even though it wasn't true and most of the time they won or lost regardless of your presence. However, you had already cleared your whole schedule for that day and so he had extended the invitation to a drink after the game.

Nobody had lost, nobody had won. There was regret for a few wasted chances, but nothing that couldn't spur them on to do better the next game. You'd driven to the stadium in your car, not wanting to wait for Mason after the last time he'd made you wait over an hour outside, having him tell you where he wanted to go after the game and waiting for him there.

The place isn't that crowded and you can occupy a table further away, ordering something while you wait and taking the book out of your bag while resuming your reading.

"Hi" a voice makes you shift your gaze from those pages and you're bewildered to see Ben take a seat in front of you.

"Hi Ben"

"Mase said he'd meet us in a bit, he had something to do" the boy shrugs, "but I'm certainly not going to wait for him to order"

"Go ahead, I've already helped myself" you place the bookmark on the page you are on then put it in your bag and before you can let your eyes rest on Ben again, your phone alerts you to the arrival of a new message.

As soon as you see that it's Mason you get a bad feeling, and as soon as you open your conversation you see that he has sent you a picture of a diner where he is with some of the other guys. And it's definitely not the one you and his teammate are in.

"Son of a bitch"

"What?" Ben's voice makes you raise your head in alarm, suddenly you feel nervous and you want to strangle your friend and you want to bury yourself because what are you gonna do now. All while he looks at you expectantly.

"Um eh I- that wasn't meant for you" you murmur pathetically sighing and handing him your phone, "Mason's not coming"

"I don't understand" Ben looks at that picture with furrowed brows, but you can't read his expression.

"Look I'm sorry he set you up for this really. Um we can go and pretend like nothing happened" you stammer trying to pick up your bag and jacket deliberately trying not to look him in the eye and you try to get up but he stops you.

"Woah hey wait, wait. I'm not letting you go anywhere so upset" he is quick to grab the chair and move closer to you, if he wanted to calm you down he certainly isn't succeeding like this.

"Easy now, just try to explain what's going on please"

"Ben really it's not- it's just Mason okay? I just need to beat him up and then I'll be better" a soft laugh escapes his lips and you find yourself huffing but giggling at the same time.

"Nothing wrong with that. Just answer one of my questions first?" you nod losing focus for a moment as one of his thumbs starts stroking the back of your hand.

"He tried to set us up"

"Is that a question?" you ask struggling to swallow, your voice coming out weak and shaky. What's going on?

He shakes his head slightly, "Do you like me? That's my question" and if before it was difficult to find air now it seems like everything has closed for good. There you go, is that how you're going to die? In front of Ben of all people, and still before you can get revenge on Mason for that low blow?

"Cause Mason probably knows I fancy you-"

"You what?" you croak.

"-but he wouldn't have done that if he didn't know something else" his cheeks are slightly red, so he's feeling all that sudden heat too then!

"Ben I..."

"It's okay, it's okay. Look we're in the same boat here, if anything I'm a lot more exposed than you are at the moment because I've revealed to you how I feel and you haven't really let me know that I haven't really fucked up"

"No!" instinctively you lean forward and you don't know why you actually did it, but the sound of your foreheads colliding together resonates loudly. "Ouch I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh my god are you okay?" geez you feel so stupid, embarrassed like a teenager struggling with her first crush and as clumsy as you've ever been... or don't like to remember.

"I've taken worse balls" he tries to lighten the situation but your now worried look doesn't seem to want to give way to anything else as you gently test his forehead.

"What do you say we get out of here? Maybe somewhere less crowded?"

"Yes please" you find yourself nodding and after paying quickly exit the building, Ben firmly takes your hand guiding you to the opposite side of your cars.

Neither of you speak on the way, you're lost in your head trying to calm yourself down to get your thoughts in order and not embarrass yourself further. He glances at you from time to time, what he is thinking you cannot know.

You arrive at the park and after a few more minutes of walking you sit down in a fairly secluded area except for a few people walking quietly on the stone path not far from you.

"You were pretty worked up in there" Ben breaks the silence.

"Being taken by surprise throws me off. Probably if I had known you were coming I would have been prepared, and imagined all the possible situations I might find myself in"

"Do you do this often? I mean do you never live in the moment?"

"Obviously I can't predict everything that's going to happen to me in a day, but the important things I like to know in advance so I can leave the anxiety at home and not risk headbutting people" a laugh breaks free in the air and when you look at him you feel lighter, nothing like the you of moments before.

"And to answer your question, yes I like you Ben. That day you helped me I think it helped me realise that"

"Funny, I realized it that day too"

"Sorry I must have looked like a weirdo" the awkwardness comes back overpowering again as he shakes his head moving closer to you some more.

"You were cute. Different from how you show yourself to others" you smile slightly dipping your teeth in your lower lip. "Now, do you still want to beat up Mase?"

"You betcha" you reply promptly causing him to laugh, "but not right now"

[thyknife]

This is going to be. A lot. But.

I first fell in love with your work with ‘Ghosts’ back when we had to filter through the tag manually, when hangster fics were just beginning to pop up. I didn’t realise this was yours until much later because, then, I hadn’t started to recognise author’s names but it’s one of the first hangster fics I bookmarked. And I never stopped falling in love with your writing since then.

Your imagery is always breathtaking, so arrestingly gorgeous. Your writing transports me to wherever you want to take me, it’s a whole sensory experience that always makes me feel so deeply. I love how you always weave in reverence and the sense of tethering they get from each other, makes me smile every single time I catch a like alluding to that in your fics. The way you pick apart Jake’s thoughts, capturing them heartbreakingly and devastatingly is so perfect. Jake’s sweet tooth means the world to me (as well as that whole series) to the point where I’ve written it into two of my fics as a kind of ode to you. The way you write Bradley and Jake’s love, making it seem so simple while showing it’s not, it never is with them, never easy but somehow, easy is all it is when you portray it.

I commented this in one of your fics and I’ll say it again. Your writing is glowing threads of gold in my head. That’s how I picture it. And every time I read one of your fics it’s like they’re wrapping around me and just holding me and telling me I see you.

I connect deeply with it and I really just love them all. Thank you for sharing them, for creating with so much love.

- Alex <3

I had to read this and then walk away from it and process it. And cry a bit. And then come back and read it again. And cry some more. (I’ve been crying a lot lately for myriad reasons, but that’s neither here nor there). I’m just. I’m overwhelmed by this.

Alex.

This means so much to me. I hardly even know what to say. You have my whole heart.

I don’t know if this is a universal thing for writers…but I feel like. You can work so hard to put so much care and emotion into your writing…pieces of yourself even. But when all is said and done, after countless re-reads and edits and self-critiques, you can end up feeling sort of outside of the story, disconnected from it? So I’m always worried in the end that what I share is this flat, shallow imitation of what I had intended for it to be. It really messes with my head.

I guess my point is, that all of what you said up there is…so, so comforting and reassuring and kind of you to say. Remarkably kind and thoughtful and generous and moving. Thank you so much for taking the time to say it. I’m going to try and make myself believe it, too ❤️

[onedivision]

2021 year in review ⚡️

tagged by @narrylover and @solvetheminourdreams for some fun fic questions :) thank you !!!!! <3 

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 4

2. Word count posted for the year: 241,576 (....... what)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry/Louis (and some sprinkled in side pairings)

5. Story with the most Kudos: don’t want to fight you

Bookmarks: don’t want to fight you

Comments: don’t want to fight you

more under the cut !!!! <3

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

hmmm i’m gonna cheat here because i’m choosing 2 (out of a possible 4 lmao)

- don’t want to fight you : this one.... is a monster. but it felt the most vulnerable to write, like i was sharing such an intimate part of my life... it was a lot of fun and i’m really happy with the way it turned out. 

- now that you’re in it, what will you do (keep your eyes open, they’re coming for me) : ok. who let me name it this ??? haha just kidding. but for real i’m really proud of this one (despite it. not doing very well at all compared to my original survivor fic). it had kind of been a joke i was making that i wanted to write harry’s pov... at first even i was like how different could this be ?? and then @cloudslou didn’t agree with the ending of the original and i was like. ok. so i need to go back and make it obvious why it went this way and not that way, and i need to prove that it was the right choice (but also. maybe i was just projecting.) anyways. i’m really proud of how that one turned out, and i think it was really fun to see how my writing improved from the original !!!!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):  

- happy wasted days, summer’s golden haze : it’s not even that i’m not proud of it, i just remember feeling like i could have done better but i had a deadline to meet and that was my first experience with that sooo... yea !! i had fun writing it though !!! :)

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

ok this one REALLY stuck with me because of the analogy that i literally wish i had thought of ??? hfgkhfg it’s so GOOD !!! it was exactly what i was trying to write and i uh. i guess it worked !

“taylor is definitely trying to create a rift between h and l very sus moves there, and i hate to say it, but i think it might be working. h's feelings towards l are a lot more complex than l's to h, a lot more mistrust and guilt. maybe because it's h's first time playing, unlike l. theories, theories. a lot really is being uncovered in this second part, and i'm glad to read it because it really is like a whole new story, enough so that i read it less than 12 hrs ago and am still entertained. the second perspective really gives the story depth. i feel like louis is the waves and harry is the current, they'll both fuck you up, but louis will make it seem obvious and you won't notice harry doing it. not to say their strategies aren't both intensely layered, which h is j starting to realise. feels like calm before storm.”

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

umm i feel like it’s always pretty hard but since starting my practicum in october, it was literally impossible. the other day was the first time i had touched my new fic in WEEKS and it’s hard to get back into it

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

um i think the version of louis i wrote in putt a little love on me because it’s like. i project an incredible amount, specifically on louis, and so for me to write an entire fic about not knowing what he wants to do with his life even when i’ve had my whole life figured out for years ??? definitely a surprise that i still haven’t fully unpacked :)))

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

ok so this is one of my favourites not because i think it’s my best ever but because i was really happy with how i carried themes throughout this story... often through the use of Alex and Ava... and this was one of them. 

Ava nods and takes a sip of her water, leg tapping.

“Hey,” Louis says. “It’s not the end of the world. And you’re doing just fine.

Ava nods again, then looks up at Louis. 

“Do you tell yourself that when you’re fighting him? Or is it the end of the world for you just a little bit each time?”

And then she’s gone again, not coming back until after she wins and shakes hands with James on the other side of the ring. Louis doesn’t stop thinking about her words the whole time.

“Was that the end of the world for you, just a little bit?”

Ava glances over at Alex, who’s standing by James, struggling to maintain a smile.

“A little bit, yeah.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year?

i think just the fact that i’m even still doing it ?? idk this was never something where i was always like “oh yea obviously i’m gonna write”... i just started the survivor fic for fun because i really love survivor and i would love to play someday and i felt like it could be my own little version. and then i just... really loved it and now i’m still doing it and that makes me happy :)

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

i just hope i’m still doing it !!! 

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

genuinely everyone who is so nice to me about my writing <333 but also specifically cade !!!! (siri play #1 fan by the driver era) she is always willing and wanting to read whatever i’m working on and i love getting her thoughts and reactions :)

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

is that.... am i supposed to answer that? hahaha the answer is yes, sometimes explicitly and other times more implicitly but. i can assure you my life is in all of my writing. it is a piece of me, always

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

just keep doing it if it makes you happy and don’t worry about numbers or anything !!! 

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

ok i am growing nearer to finishing a fic that i got to start as a fest but then ran out of time and had to drop out.... really just happy i’m still writing it because it’s way out of my normal realm of writing so it would have been easy to just forget about it and start something else but i’m actually really enjoying it and having a lot of fun !!!! so i’m excited about that. and then after that i want to start another one... in which the subject matter probably won’t be hard to guess based on my blogging habits

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

i’ve only seen a couple of these posts so far, so sorry if you were already tagged or if you’ve already done it !!!! @falsegoodnight @itsnotreal @larrysballetslippers @lululawrence @loulovehome @jaerie @allwaswell16

[piteouspeculiarity]

Defining Home: Extended Author's Note

Warning: This might contain spoilers for the series

(For clarity, when I say 'Tommy' etc in this post, I'm talking about the characters from my fics, not the content creators themselves.)

So it's done, huh? This note will include the sappy shit, the fun facts, then some of the more serious stuff, because I just didn't want to add an essay to the end of that chapter.

First of all, thank you all for the support along the way. Defining Home is easily my most popular series of fics I’ve ever written and I’ve been writing fanfic for years now. The comments and the kudos and the bookmarks were so very validating when I was new to the fandom, and still are. Hell, people have gifted me fics and written related fics to Defining Home, which blows my tiny mind. I haven’t gotten the chance to read a lot of them yet (procrastination I know thy name), but when I do, I’ll be leaving my best comments in thanks <3

I'll be honest, when I posted the first chapter of Enough, I never expected it to turn into what it did.

That first chapter was written in my phone notes at 3am, hours before an exam. I hadn't interacted with the fandom at all at that point, didn't even have a Tumblr for it, but boy oh boy did I get a warm welcome.

The point is, that first chapter was a very spur in the moment thing, mainly consisting of one scene I couldn't get out of my head (Tommy on a train to Wilbur's). I've gotten a few people telling me since then that they wished that they could write as well as I can, which is a huge compliment, but every person can write a fic like Enough. There are things that we all struggle with when it comes to writing: dialogue, prose, starting scenes - I have my own things I struggle with, things you might have noticed, things you might have not. You don't have to be a perfect writer to tell a story, especially in fandoms, where betas are easy to come across.

Write your story, even if its just for yourself. Posting that chapter gave me the chance to make new friends and I'll never stop being grateful for that.

One of those friends is Kat, who I've mentioned a couple times in the author's notes, but who honestly, I owe a lot to. Kat has encouraged me and been one of the main motivators to write this fic when I felt like it would never be finished, or that I'd never live up to other people's expectations. Sometimes, that meant motivating in some weird ass ways, but hey, it worked.

People who know me in discord servers might know that I'm a simp for Kat and it's damn true. Kat, I love you, you've improved my life more than you know in the last couple months and you deserve so, so much happiness.

In fear of love reciprocation from Kat, we'll move swiftly on to the more fun side of things.

Anyone feel like fun facts? You might already know some of these because I tend to overshare in author's notes, but I'm pretty sure some of them are new to all of you.

Barney the dog? Named after my own late labrador, who I love very much and loved to jump in lakes and need rescuing, time and time again.

I had no plans in moving Tommy in with Techno, hell, I had no plans in Techno moving to England at all. It was as much of a surprise to me as it was to everyone else when he told Tommy the news, but I latched onto the idea and ran with it. I think it worked out okay, in the end.

Techno has a draw in his bedroom full of parenting books, most of which were stolen from Phil.

After Tommy asked for help about what to do with Dream, Wilbur sent Dream a dm telling him he better not fuck anything up and if he did, Wilbur would not hesitate to humiliate him in front of millions of people. It was unnecessary, of course, but Dream was definitely a bit more cautious about what he said when he listened to Tommy’s explanation.

Some of my favourite things about writing Defining Home:

The Tesco v Asda discourse. Look, some of you just need to accept that Asda is the superior shop and get off your Tesco stanning bullshit. /j

The offers I would get for new chapters, some honourable mentions being newborns, siblings, diamonds and kidneys.

Now, I know that as much as I tried to, I won't have managed to include everything that everyone wanted from Defining Home, whether that's certain confrontations or scenes, I am sorry if I haven't included.

I don't imagine myself writing any more in the series, not because I think there isn't more I could write about, but because as a whole it feels complete to me, and any added oneshots I write would disturb that.

Right now Defining Home feels well rounded in a way that I'm proud of. The minute I realised that Enough was going to turn into a series I planned out how I wanted it to work. Maybe its just the maths part of my brain, but I like how there's three fics, with three chapters in each and how Tommy heals as you progress throughout the series.

My aim for the series was for the tone to get lighter as you went through, because yes, things kept happening (confrontation with dad, beach incident etc) but the point was that Tommy dealt with those things in different ways that he would have earlier on in the series. I have lots of thoughts and lots of emotions about how he felt safe enough with his family to experience nightmares and such. I made an effort in The Truth Behind Family to include more fluff, especially in the last two chapters, because I think it’s important to show that yeah, his parents’ abuse effected him, but it didn’t dictate how he lived his life. 

Like yes, I could write about their first Christmas together, for example, and add it onto the series, but I don’t think that I’d be able to do the rest of the series justice in that. Defining Home is largely about what the title implies, Tommy discovering what words like ‘home’ and ‘family’ mean beyond what he’s been told he’s stuck with and I believe that by the end of the series, he’s been successful in that. 

I'm so proud of the characters I wrote, Tommy in particular, for how far they've come in Defining Home, but I think that in a way, it’s time for me to let them go.

That’s not to say I’m done with writing for sbi! Hell no! 

I have a couple long fics in the works and a one shot I’m working on. The main fic I’m excited to focus on now Defining Home is finished is heavy heart, heavy head, heavy hero which, to put it simply, is an sbi royalty au, where unfortunate circumstances mean Tommy is forced to become King. It’s going to be a little more plot focused than Defining Home was and I am so very pumped to give it my full attention instead of leaving that lonely one chapter on AO3 like I have been doing.

I was 🤏close to making a Discord server, but ultimately decided I’m much more suited to causing chaos on other people’s servers than running my own. I think at this point the karma would be too great to even consider making my own server, so if you’d like to talk to me on Discord, keep an eye for me on other people’s servers - I mainly lurk, but I’m pretty active on one or two :D

On a more serious note, Defining Home deals with some heavy topics and I’ve had comments tell me that they relate to Tommy’s situation and wish that they had their own found family to run to. 

This Tumblr post has a list of phone numbers and places you can contact if you need help or want someone to talk to. Saying that, I recognise that a list as long as that can be daunting, so feel free to shoot me a message and I can either help you find the right one for you, or keep you company for a bit if you need it. 

Not all of us are lucky enough to have our own found family, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t forever, or that you’re alone. My dms and ask box are always open if you want someone to talk to.

Keep yourselves safe <3

- Lee 

[drarryangels]

angst corner recs

Hello hello everyone. Long time no see. Here are some fics that I love under the angst tag in my bookmarks that I'd probably (totally) die for. I tried to include mostly fics that I don’t hear people talking a lot about, but there are some big titles in here as well. 

-

I'd Catch You by Caellie_E_and_Vaye_Rue_Y, G

...Five times Harry made a promise, and one time he had to fulfill it.

R/N: Royalty au! Friends to lovers! Angsty! Perfection. I got into some heeeavy royalty au obsession for like two days, and was blessed to discover this fic. Seriously, so good. Beware MCD.

Stone, Sky, and Sea by RurouniHime, M

...(In which the Wizarding Saviour wanders about Oop North, tries to escape his partner, and fails miserably.)

R/N: Um this specific writing style is literally everything I love and also everything I aspire to be. Plus, this fic is just... hard to explain but it's so.... nice. Nice writing, nice location. Heartbreaking, but also so sweet.

The Bucket List by GallaPlacidia, NR

Draco will die in six months if he can't get Harry Potter to fall in love with him. Since that's not going to happen, he might as well spend his last days working through his Bucket List....

R/N: I think everyone has read this by now. But if you haven't... seriously do. It's one of the Drarry Classics That Everyone Must Read.

I've Built My Dreams Around You by fwooshy, T

Harry loves Draco. But starting over is hard, even when you're in love.

R/N: Rip my heart out and bury it anyways.

the last time that you touched me by silvergalaxy, M

What do you do when your boyfriend refuses to admit that his snarky comments about your hair are just a cover up so that you don't find out how much he actually loves it?

Harry Potter has a plan.

It doesn't work out quite as hoped.

R/N: I have no idea how many times I've read this fic. Like so many. Sooo many.

Espresso Patronum by tasteofshapes, T

When Draco reappears five years after the war and opens a wildly popular coffee shop, Harry’s pretty sure that Draco’s Up to Something. He just has to prove it.

R/N: Coffeeshop plus enemies to friends to lovers plus potions plus pining and lots of feelings. I can tell you: you want to read it!

Quiet World by augustskies, G

The first time the silence is broken, it’s Harry, nudging Malfoy’s shoulder, pointing out a single firefly perched on the ledge between them.

“Look,” he whispers, forgetting about one hundred and sixty-seven words.

R/N: Such a beautiful fic in a unique world where people can only say a limited amount of words per day. Really puts how inexhaustible what we say is, and what things could be like if our mouths couldn't run on forever. I like how this fic puts it all together, and how it shows that there are things that can be shown without words and those things are equally as important as the things said in words.

if stars died of old age by LiviKate, NR

His mother had had six months after his father had died. But it was expected; they had prepared and were already rather distanced. Draco hadn’t been ready, and Merlin, he had been so in love. He knew he was counting down in weeks, not months.

R/N: Gives me you are the antidote for me vibes but a little bit shorter for all the darlings out there who need shorter fics.

Small Thing by tsauergrass, G

...Or more simply: Draco falling in love with Harry.

R/N: Okay god, but I love this fic. Literally any who knows me knows that I am head over heels for tsauergrass, and none of their works have ever let me down, and I must rec them and comment on them endlessly because I just... cannot imagine a world where my life didn't cross pass with theirs. And GOD WHAT A HORRIBLE THOUGHT (i can't imagine never reading anything of tsauergrass') JUST READ THIS PLS

Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia, T

When Harry gets amnesia and forgets he and Draco were ever married, he refuses treatment to remember.

R/N: One of my favorite fics ever, no exaggeration. Beautifully written, incredibly heartbreaking, and so tragically GOOD.

The Green Vial by eidheann, E

After months of seeing Harry Potter walk into his Apothecary disappointed and hopeless, Draco offers to carry the baby that Harry can't. Now he's just got to hide the fact that he's been half in love with Harry for years.

R/N: I know most people don’t really like mpreg, but I do so there. This is so sweet and precious with all the heartbreak and pining and trying for a baby and and and. 10/10 would read. 

Silverpoint by tackytiger, E

...Or: How Harry Potter Fell In Love (and Realised that Draco Malfoy Loved Him Back).

R/N: Tacky is a beautiful writer, and this fic is perfectly heartbreaking so. Yeah. 

Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I’m Leaving Without You) by firethesound, E

Living with Draco was difficult; living without him is unbearable. But if there’s one thing Harry learned from the war, it’s that even when one life ends, the rest of the world goes right on living.

R/N: There were tears rolling down my neck pretty much the whole time I was reading this. It’s another one of the Drarry Classics I think, but please do proceed with caution because it is quite a bit heavier than the other fics on this rec list. The portrayal of grief is incredibly vivid, and while that is a beautiful and special thing about this fic, it’s also very hard to read about. Really wonderful, but take water breaks in between and breathe a little. 

Blackberry Jam by JulietsEmoPhase, E

10-year-old Harry and Draco are evacuated from London during the Blitz, and through a logistical error, end up sharing not only a home but a bed. Follow them as they grow up against the backdrop of the war, discovering who they really are and slowly falling in love.

WWII Muggle AU. Mild smut, warnings for some thoughts of self harm/suicide.

R/N: This was the first Drarry fic I read over like 7k and I remember thinking how freaking long it was when I read it for the first time (it’s about 36k). My oh my how the times have changed. And yet, this fic is still just as good as ever. 

-

Aaaand that’s the end of the list for now. I hope someone finds something on this list that they enjoy, and please feel welcome to leave additional recs in the comments/reblogs. 

[larryyouknow]

Annual Writing Self Evaluation 2021

Thank you @boosbabycakes28 and @stylesthebrave for the tag :) it was fun to read yours and good to think about my writing year. 💙

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 6

2. Word count posted for the year: 128,833

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (some side Ziam here and there)

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments: Letters to June

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): probably Letters to June because I put so much into it and I don't even mean the research but emotions - I wanted readers to feel them and according to the feedback, they are really there to be lived through and that makes me really proud

more below the cut

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): hmm, I don't know, probably some of the short ones, because I tend to be less attached to stories which didn't cost me that much time (and soul) to write, maybe Three Hundred Cupcakes later, I had a massive writers block and I tried to break through with this one

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received: honestly, every kind comment is so caressing, my heart skips every time. Just yesterday I received a little nod (laughing emoji) to one silly joke in my Big Bang fic and it made my day. The biggest honour was when someone shared with me that they have re-read my story.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: I had troubles during the summer, I had less time than I've thought and three promised fics with deadline ahead of me, all very different ones

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: hmm, in Passing By there is the scene broken in two chapters because of POV change, where Louis just goes all "fuck it" and then in next chapter Harry has to deal with aftermath of it and is in panic and I think the scene is full of thrill and fear and adrenaline and action and I don't usually write like this but still, I think it works really well

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing: I have many I still come back to. This one is from my Victorian fic I did for Reverse bang, not many read the fic, but I like the story anyway.

“It was someone you know, an artist. He explained to me that when he paints, he often messes up or simply changes his mind about what he wants to see on the canvas, but never throws the painting away. He loves that every previous stroke of the brush stays underneath whatever he paints over it. He didn’t mean to, but he gave me great advice in his little speech. Because in life, it’s never a blank canvas either. All that matters is what you choose to do with what you have been given in life. I realised that I can’t ever wash away what I’ve done in the past, because it’s what has shaped me. It’s important regardless of the fact whether it was good or bad.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I hope I did. I see a difference, improvement. I went out of my comfort zone and wrote stories which aren't set in todays world. With every fic I want to try something a bit different, something new.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: My hopes are big, I would like to keep writing and overcome my insecurities... will see

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc): I have an amazing experience with artist I worked with @moon-sun-thyme, @hazsocks, @fallinglikethis or @thelouandi. They own creativity fuelled mine and helped me finding worth in what I do as well.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: There is a piece of me in what I write. I feel like it's all me, but I don't want to sound messed up. I think that every story I have written evolved around emotion I wanted to share.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: I write only for a little over year, I am probably not that wise to advise. Maybe only to keep in mind that you can only expect things from yourself, other things aren't under your control. It can spare a lot of disappointment.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I will beta @larryislove fic for Big Bang and I am so excited for it. And as for my writing I started a Tolkien-inspired story set in Middle Earth. So I would like to transfer the story from my head onto paper.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: @fallinglikethis, @alltheselights, @allwaswell16, @greenblueish, @larryislove, @jacaranda-bloom, @lululawrence, @zanniscaramouche, @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed and literally every writer's because I love to read backstories to the fics I like.

You all probably have this already up so I'm gonna look for your posts. 💕

[merlinfic]

group ask for lost fics #32

Hi y’all! Below are a few lost fics that us mods just can’t seem to find. That being said, we’re hoping that you lovely followers are able to help! If anyone knows any of the fics below please reply below or send in an ask with which anon/user and group ask that the fic corresponds with!

Note: previous group asks and all lost fics!

Anon 1 asked:

Hello! First of all thanks so much for everything you do for the fandom! Also, I’ve been trying to find a fic for a while where Merlin and Arthur are both super into each other and Arthur keeps trying to seduce Merlin but Merlin thinks he has to remain pure until the dragon tells him that’s not the case w Arthur and I was wondering if you could help! Thanks so much 💖🥰

Thanks to statistical-nightmare for suggesting Touch Me (Not) by veronamay!

@ohmytimeturner14 asked:

Hey! I'm kinda getting back into the merlin fandom and I was looking for a fic I once read and can't find it. It's a sick fic where merlin gets sick with pneumonia I believe. Can't remember how long it is, at least 3k and most likely under 20k? I think part of it had Morgana offer to read to Merlin when he was sick? I think it was Merthur but I couldn't swear to it. Love your blog, Keep up the good work!!!

Hey! I love your blog. You always do such an awesome job.

I lost a fic, its at least 5K probably leaning twords 20 though. It involves Merlin getting sick, I think pneumonia. I remember that at one point Morgana reads him a book when he's sick, and Arthur almost leaves to get Hunith because he thought Merlin wouldn't make it. May have something to do with a formalwear tunic that made him cold and got sick, but that might be a different one. I also think he was going to go to a party of Gwen's before he got sick?? sorry if this is kinda vague

Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in Midwinter Festival by Miss_Em!

Anon 2 asked:

hello!! yay the ask box is open again!! 🥺 I’ve been going through the asks for a quartermaster/007 thing but I can’t find this particular fic where Merlin was Q, and closer to the end of the fic he gets kidnapped on a train (to be specific.) It’s slash, but not pre-established, happens during the fic. Arthur bursts into Merlin’s apartment and manages to have flashback about the laptop’s password or smth too! Thanks in advance!

Thanks to wiggly-jiggly-higgledy-piggledy and overworked-bookworm for suggesting You Only Live Twice by storyforsomeone (WIP)!

Anon 3 asked:

Hello! I was wondering if you'd be able to help me find a fic. The only thing I remember from it is that both Arthur and Merlin are in the crystal caves and Merlin sees Arthur's death through one of them and completely freaks out and comfort ensues with Arthur. Sorry it's so vague but I'd love to see if you can find it! Thanks again!

@eyra-j-nee asked:

Hi!! I’m looking for a fic that was on ao3, (TW: non con) in it Merlin was assaulted in the stables and he called I think both killgarah and aithusa come and won’t let anyone pass into the stables except gaius and eventually Lancelot. Arthur figures out it’s Merlin and I can’t remember what happens after that. I’ve looked through your hurt and abused Merlin tags and I didn’t see it. I can say it’s not “all of himself” by StormDancer but they are very similar! Any and all help would be appreciated. As always THANK YOU for what you do, this blog and your hard work is a godsend!!

Thanks to fangirl485 for sending in The Fire of a Dragon by ma_r (check warnings!)

Anon 4 asked:

hi I am looking for a fic, it's post canon au and magic is legal, arthur & gwen aren't married though and all the people of Camelot are used to see Arthur and Merlin together or near each other and one time they don't, so they ask merlin who tells them that the king is on holiday today so they come to merlin with their problems and even after the holiday is over they still come to him and start calling him lord and Arthur is very amused and they get together at the end of the fic

honestly I'm a little annoyed that I remember this much but not the name of fic but I can't find it in my bookmarks, so thanks

Thanks to onceandfuturekid for suggesting King of My Heart by illiterateowl!

Anon 5 asked:

hello! i was wondering if you know about this one fic where merlin receives a purple tunic as a reluctant gift from arthur and he worries about it because it's the colour of royalty. i think it was gen? i can't really seem to find it and this is very vague, so im sorry. thank you for all you do!! <3

Anon 6 asked:

Hi I’ve been looking everywhere for one particular fic. It’s pretty dark and modern au. Merlin is immortal, has lost his memories, not thinking clearly, and is suicidal. Arthur is reincarnated and has the urge to kill. They somehow? come to an arrangement, and Arthur “consensually” kills Merlin, and then is filled with regret. But it kind of “resets” Merlin so when he comes back his memories are restored and he’s ok again? Any ideas??

onceandfuturekid asked:

hi I'm looking for a fic where there's a new servant master (?) who is harming servants so arthur disguises himself and pretends to be servant and merlin & gwen take him under his wing,,, also the servant master (?) was a druid I think or atleast banished from them and was looking for power of emrys

Thanks to atlantablack-chaotic and avery28 for sending in The Serving of Servants by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle!

Anon 7 asked:

Hi! I've been looking for this but can't seem to find it and I would greatly appreciate it if you guys could help me. It's a genderbend!Merlin. The story basically follows canon with Merlin becoming Arthur's manservant just that on top of magic she has to hide the fact that she's a woman and when things go "further" Arthur thinks he's forcing himself on Merlin, since he can't "feel his desire". Thank you do much for your help! ❤

Anon 8 asked:

Hi, I've been trying to refind this fic for a while but I'm having trouble finding it. I can't remember much of it which makes it difficult, but I just remember that Merlin gives Arthur a gift, which I think is a ring, and he finds out Merlin had magic and questions whether Merlin enchanted it against him. It's in the canon era where Merlin is his servant.

Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in A Little Roughing Around Never Hurt Anyone by melennui!

@emritz86 asked:

Hi, it's been a while I asked smthng. Caught up with work and stuff. I read a fic where Merlin was a doc and married to Arthur but Arthur didn't like Merlin at first and didn't even let him enter to their bedroom. Later he realised how awesome Merlin was and tried to reconcile but Merlin already thought about filing divorce. Do not remember the name but I'm certain I read it and saved it somewhere. Anything similar would be great too. Thanks.

Anon 9 asked:

Hey! I was wondering if you could find a fic for me where everyone thinks Arthur is dead and then Merlin goes to look for him but the knights are like he’s dead and Merlin says something like “half my soul resides in him. I would feel his death like a wound” ps this blog is literally my life

Anon 10 asked:

I'm looking for 2 kind of similar stories. The first is a canon au where Merlin is actually a dog that Arthur finds in the woods. I remember toward the end they both get injured and Arthur is frantic when he wakes up. Asking Gaius where his dog is.

The second is modern au where Merlin is blind and Arthur is reincarnated as his seeing eye dog. I don't remember much more than that, sorry. Thank you for all the work you out into the fandom. MUCH MUCH appreciated!

Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Familiar To You, Strange To Me by TheYaoiChick for the first part!

@gaylord1027 asked:

Hi,

Do you know of a fic where Merlin was raised by Balinor in the cave after Hunith died and Merlin has some for of mental affliction. It starts with Arthur coming to them for help and then he wants to protect Merlin. Nimueh is in it and she befriended Merlin and died when Balinor lived to keep the balance.

Anon 11 asked:

I was wondering if you knew of the fic where Gwaine and Arthur are fighting to see who's merlin's best friend but in the end they realise it's Lancelot

Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Merlin's Favourite by OwlsWithFins!

[teacup-tai]

Tai Recs: Drarry meets Church ~ a Religious/Belief/Faith list.

Some of you probably heard me talking on the Drarry Discord about my absolute LOVE for Priest / Father Harry, religious/faith themes and churches. So I decided to do a rec list on the topic! This one will be focused on Christianity (mainly Catholic) --I was raised in a Christian house of mixed faiths/religions, so they tend to catch my breath exactly because I feel like I can relate. This is NOT a master list, this is just a list of my favourite Christian Drarry fics that moved and comforted me. I hope you enjoy it :) 🌿

1) A Multitude of Sins by cryptonym (E, 40k+) HurtFest 2014

Peter 4:8 - Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. tw: attempted suicide

I think anyone who grew up in a Catholic church, surrounded by Priests and Deans and the parishioner life will relate to this fic. Father Harry is a devoted and caring priest, dealing with his own shadows, and always helping the church community. The way this fic was written and the whole plot of how they get entangled in a mix of feelings and sins is a work of art. This is my favourite church fic since I read it back in 2016. This fic keeps me company and brings me closer to so many old feelings. The life of being part of the Church is beautifully described and the questioning of religion and faith is a always there touch in Draco’s character. And the fall, my darlings, into love and rendition is the most beautiful gift cryptonym could have given our sinful souls. Also, It was written very respectfully and tastefully. A must read! 💜

2) By which we must be saved by @hogwartsfirebolt (G, 3k, 2020)

What happened was this: the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord was born as the seventh month died. Or: the one where Harry Potter knew his whole life that he was meant to be a savior, and Draco Malfoy joined him along the way.

Welcome to Messiah vibes. Honestly, I’m a true sucker for Messiahs, for the unconditional love and respect for human beings, for the power of forgiveness and faith. This fic made me miss my own faith and made me want to kneel and pray, for love, for goodness, for everything and everyone, because we are all loved and sacred. I probably enjoyed it so much because this is in what I actually believe: in compassion and true goodness of the heart. This is the vibe of this fic, and this Harry Potter is my forever Lord and Saviour. Such a blessing this fic 😭🙏

3) Series: Tidings of Comfort by @blamebrampton (G, 9.9k, 2002)

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life. Luckily for Draco Malfoy, London has places where the tired can rest and recover.  

Comfort galore! If you want a Christmas vibe with churches, you are in the right place. Watching Draco find comfort in the hymns and ceremonies of the church made me feel cosy and comforted. Blamebrampton did a really wonderful job in transmitting the vibe of church and parishioner. Made me miss my old church days, the faces that start being familiar and the sounds and smells that transport us to feeling at home. Lovely! 🥰

4) No Absolutes  by @shealwaysreads (M, 402, 2019)

Draco understood worship. He understood unquestioning belief. He had grown within the walls of veneration and glorification of the past, of the few, of the pure. 

What I talk about when I talk about poetry. This fic was breathtakingly written. Bella has always this beautiful ways with words and here it makes faith and belief and Draco’s character study even more careful and deep; using Religious symbolism and imagery to work through Draco’s feelings in the post-war. It’s a gift with a very meaningful depth!  🙌✨

5) No sweeter Innocence by drarryandharry (G, 1.7k, 2019)

For Harry, church was the first place he truly felt at home. What happens when he realises it isn’t his home anymore? - Harry is gay and Christian, and then he has a breakdown.

Which of us, queer and Christian, didn’t have a breakdown or two? This fic was such a sweet way of describing a Christian Harry going through life and growing up and questioning himself. This fic took me back to my sixteens, when my parents didn’t approve my bisexuality, when incredulously I found myself feeling safer inside a Catholic church than at my own home. It took me back to when I decided God was, to me, above all, love and hope and acceptance and compassion. 🌈🙏

Bonus fic: Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (E, 61k+, 2020)

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

Hear me out, Modern Love is NOT a religious fic. But there’s church, and Draco being involved in the parishioner community, and there’s this sexy gay Vicar, Rev. Andrew. And its one of my all times favourite fic. The bits and pieces about the church and charity life made me miss my teenage years in the church community. And the way Tacky portrayed the church members and the Reverend and Draco singing hymns just made my heart grow fond and warm and everyone should read this fic. That’s why it’s a bonus fic and a MUST READ! 🤓❤

I hope you all enjoyed this humble rec list. I’ve never done a rec list before, but as I’m a sucker for the trope, Drarry meets Church, I thought it was a nice thing to do. We were talking about having a fest maybe someday on spiritual/religious/faith themes and a nice way to spur the topic is reading the lovely fics we already have from our incredible drarry squad. I made sure to add not only my favourites and comforting ones, but the ones that are very respectful towards the beliefs of Christian faith. If you would like to read more religious fics, I bookmark them here. Always check the tags!

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Love, Tai. 🙏

[bbnibini]

Hi! I really love your works but it gotten me curious if you also read fanfics? Do you have any fanfic recommendations?

Thank you, anon! That's really kind of you. 🥺💕 I do read fanfics, but not as much anymore. I'm assuming this ask is for Obey Me fics? But if not, I will include some of my absolute favourites in a future post. Fair warning: I gushed. A LOT hahaha. Please support the authors and their works! I included the fics in the hyperlinks~

NSFW fics are marked appropriately, so please click the links at your own discretion (some of them are in my public bookmarks in AO3).

Elle's Obey Me Fic Recommendations

🌸Your Coal by Angrish(LettuceBean)

Truth be told, I belong to the "forgive but don't forget camp" in lieu of what happened in Chapter 16; reading Angrish's YC and how their MC coped with the aftermath(+ how others coped along with them) felt really powerful, raw and so so emotional. It made me think and really think about how I processed the whole thing that happened. While it didn't really change my outlook on how I have forgiven Belphie for what he had done, Angrish shedding light to the unanswered questions and lingering doubts the main story have left most of its readers was done in such a thoughtful and poetic way that I found myself binge reading the whole thing.

Given that I read this whole coping with a lot of stuff as well (and may have contributed with sympathising a lot more to the vindictiveness of the MC), reading what Angrish had written was really cathartic. Their writing style is also beautiful--the way the words string together, simple, elegant, yet impactful really made MC's emotions a lot...tangible, real and sometimes, frustrating (in a good way, mind you). I also liked how they had fleshed out the other characters, especially Belphegor, Satan and the Purgatory Hall members.

🌸You'll Have to Ask Your Dad by DefenestrationProtestration

I remembered clicking on this fic because of the author's punny name, stayed for the pretty writing and reread a few several times for the characterisation and THE WRITING. I'm pretty sure I left a litany of praises and incomprehensible gushing on the comments section because of how much I've devoured this piece of art.

Even as I'm typing this review, I can't seem to organise my thoughts haha. You can tell by the writing style that the author had a lot of fun writing their prose; it permeates through the screeen...my "screen" of imagination at least. I am not joking--the writing is so pretty and vivid that I literally saw it as a movie in my head lol. I chatted with them a bit on the comments and they said the prose is more of something they had written subconsciously; it reminded me of James Joyce and how he had masterfully perfected the same technique. Of course, their writing styles differ a lot from each other, but I can see what they meant.

...as I'm typing this, I didn't realise how I haven't talked about the plot of the fic at all soz. This piece is the author's character study of Lucifer. It talks about how he was before, during and after the fall. He is a bit of an unreliable narrator, which I'm not sure if the author intended, but he has all these presumptions that miss the mark so so much, particularly at how his brothers, Lord Diavolo and the others perceive him--but reading the whole thing would make you understand why he had gotten to that kind of self-perception in the first place. And honestly? It really, really hurt to read. But was it bad? The total opposite of that, in fact! I loved how they had written the angst in this piece. So many things in the fic are "show, rather than tell" and I really really appreciate that.

Most of my brainrot about this fic is better to be explored on your own. Overall, 10/10: a definite, recommended read.

🌸Fairy Tales for the Fallen by indiavolowetrust

I haven't fully devoured all of the stories in the collection yet, but the ones I've read (Her Name Was Thousand Eyes is my favourite) was such a really good spin on dark fairy tales (Obey Me style!). It reminded me of my childhood Little Mermaid picture book for some reason. Probably the writing style(the author's writing reads a lot like a storybook) The one I had was Hans Christian Andersen's (aka the OG) version and the ending was rather...dark for a 5 year old lol. It was a big part of my life though and was probably the precursor for my affinity with sad stories haha.

🌸TieGuanYin by Taciturn

Like tea on a tiring day, Taciturn's writing style feels very homey, cozy and familiar. I love rereading this oneshot when I'm having a shitty day and imagining myself having tea with Barbatos haha. Ever had pieces of art or literature that just...relaxes you when you consume it? This one is one of my, as the youngsters say, "comfort fic" haha.

🌸glass half empty; glass half full by unagis

I love unagis' fics.♡ I also love her Childe fics. The concepts she comes up with, as well as how she delivers it is *chef kiss*. Admittedly, I read this one when I was still a Satan stan, with all the suspicions and doubts about Solomon's intentions still rampant within me. Reading him blush and become flustered is CUTE and aaaaa this whole fic is just really cute.🥺♡

🌸The Eternal Storm by @sondepoch

Sondepoch's Satan oneshot was the very first fic I read in the OM fandom so it has a special place in my heart~ I remembered how awkward it was to skim through the Satan filters, looking for a gen fic/SFW fic because around that time, most OM fics are smut (no shade on smut ofc, I'm just super uncomfortable reading them unless the writing is really pretty or there's something else going on in the story). Finding GEN AND A WELL-WRITTEN CHARACTER STUDY about my (former) favourite OM character was like I hit the jackpot. I remembered that feeling really well haha. My bias with one of my favourite forms of fic (char. study) aside, Sondepoch's writing is easy on the eyes and is definitely a great entry for anyone who wants to be in the OM fandom.

🌸Read Me by GENE515

One of my more recent reads and definitely worth a mention!♡ Read Me was a beautifully written, heartfelt two-shot about Lucifer's love, which he tried his best to express in penned words. Probably because of my own love letter-themed OM series, this one really stuck to me haha. The author is also really sweet. :3

🌸Schrodinger by fickleminder

I read this one around Halloween and it definitely fit the occasion. Schrodinger was such a great thriller/horror fic with how it set its unsettling atmosphere from the very beginning--the way fickleminder's writing just sucks you in and makes you bystand the whole ordeal between Belphegor and MC was just...so suspenseful? Nail biting? Creepy (in a good way ofc)? I won't spoil the ending, but the process and way they tackled it was a lot scarier than what I was initially bracing myself for.

🌸Siberia by @polandspringz

Seeing another Obey Me mystery in AO3 really hyped me up! Polandspringz did a spectacular job in writing this series and I can relate so much with their experiences in writing for mystery. Their writing style is easy on the eyes--I also really liked how they characterised the OM characters I have read on their series so far. There's still quite a lot of stuff left in speculation (from my most recent reading at least), and I really look forward to see how everything unfolds!

🌸Tetris Syndrome by apocketfulofposies (NSFW)

I am very very uncomfortable with smut content, so the smut I've read can be counted on one hand. ;; That is to say, TS is one of the few smut that I really, really enjoyed. First of all, Levi's characterisation is on point. It was really really interesting to get in his head and read about his thought process. What is envy? And how much does the sin of envy really define him?

I really enjoyed Levi's internalisations, as well as the author's writing style. If you want smut with a brooding, jealous otaku boy, I really recommend this one!

[solacefruit]

Hey! I just saw you rebloged a post about writers wanting readers to interact with their works, whether by leaving kudos or commenting, and I thought I could maybe say something about that? I love your work! And I have so far read everything you've posted. I often leave kudos on everything I like but I won't leave comments unless I see the author interacting with them, it feels kinda embarrassing leaving a comment and not getting something back, even if it's just a thanks. I haven't seen many authors that do this, but I know you do and I guess I just wanted to say that maybe I'm not the only one? I love your work! I'm just a bit embarrassed and not seeing you answer kinda makes me think I'm bothering you. You also don't tend to answer most question relating to your written fics in this blog, which is valid! But it does make it even more daunting to interact with you. I don't want you to feel like your fans don't love your work! It's great! You are probably the best wc fanfic writer I've ever seen and I've basically grown up in this Fandom the way I am thanks to your influence. I'm not sure what my point was anymore with this, anyway, I absolutely love your work and probably a lot of other people are just too shy to tell you! But we love you and are very happy that you provide such great content like this!

Hello there! Thank you so much for writing in. It means a lot.

I really really appreciate you letting me know this is how you feel, because I absolutely don’t want anyone feeling embarrassed or ignored for commenting on my work. I genuinely enjoy reading--and rereading!--everyone’s thoughts and I didn’t realise that it was so disheartening not to get a reply, so I’m sorry that that’s been your experience. 

From my perspective, I've always preferred leaving comments or compliments anonymously or in ways that don’t require or invite a reply when I don’t know someone personally, because I always feel weird about being thanked for thanking people, if that makes sense? But now you’ve said it I can completely understand where you’re coming from and I can see how silence could be interpreted as a negative reaction. 

I’ve also thought it would seem very rote and even more disappointing to only get a brief “thank you!” in response, since that seems so impersonal (?) and a lot of the time I don’t feel I have anything much interesting to say in reply to the comments I get, but if that’s not the case, then going forward I’m more than happy to try to reply to comments much more often.

I can’t promise that my replies will be all that timely, unfortunately, because I truthfully don’t have a lot of time available for fandom type stuff between work, life, and other commitments, but I’ll make a habit of checking more often and sending at least a nice thank you in reply when people take the time to comment so that everyone can be certain I’m the very opposite of bothered and in fact really love to see what everyone’s thinking and feeling. 

I’ve been very blessed so far with how warmly and enthusiastically people have responded to my stories, and I’m grateful to everyone who reads my work, and leaves a kudos, or comment, or bookmarks, or recommends it to a friend, or writes in to me here--and also the people who read but are too shy to talk! It’s okay with me if people feel better loving something I’ve written quietly without telling me about it, and I don’t want those people to feel like they’re doing anything wrong for being shy. 

Anyway tl;dr: thank you for telling me that not getting replies to comments is worse than getting brief ones! I’d really like for everyone’s experience of engaging with my work to be fun and positive, and if making sure I remember to reply is going to make leaving comments more enjoyable--or even just possible--for some of you, then I’ll start doing that. <3