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sirthisisa-wendys · 4 years ago

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The Sacrifice Part 5: Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader

synopsis: A Festival turns into a *festival* (sort of)

wc: 1.7k

tw: drinking and tomfoolery

masterlist

a/n: y'all. I have been worn out by today and just needed something fun and light to write. I will be adding a 5.5 tomorrow since I couldn't do what I wanted to do with this chapter originally. (sorry, loves) Stay tuned! See you all soon.

“Have you ever been to the Festival of Dragons?” Serena asks, wrapping herself in a black dress with silver bits of glitter scattered about.

“No,” you admit, examining your own black silk gown, and then looking down at your golden slippered feet. “What is it like?”

“Don’t spoil the best parts,�� Cly warns, draping a silk shawl around her shoulders before braiding her black hair behind her ears. She gives you a wink, then turns back to the mirror, and you tilt your head at Serena.

“It’s full of food....”

“And fireworks,” Helen interjects, wiggling her mauve fingers around.

“Dancing,” Ariadne adds, and you laugh, wondering if your two left feet would make it through the night.

“Oh! And ambrosia.” Danai breathes, her eyes going wide.

“Ambrosia…” The girls sigh dreamily, and you bite your lip, waiting for someone to explain.

“Ambrosia?” you finally ask when no one says anything, and Clymenestra turns back to you, fully dressed, and proceeds to adjust your dress slightly.

“Ambrosia is the drink of the gods. But since you’re still mortal, I’m not sure that you can have any.”

“I’m sure now that she’s been spending her nights with His Holiness that he’ll allow--” Serena jabs Ariadne in the ribs at the sight of your embarrassment, and she hisses in pain.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine if that’s what he wants her to have, right, Cly?” Serena asks, and Cly nods, smiling at you.

“You’ll be fine.”

_____________________________________________________________

The Festival of Dragons would be held in the realm of the God of Wind, which was a short trip by dragon ride at sunset. Gojo and Geto both waited for you all, fully in their dragon form before you got there.

Your fingers still feel sore (and your head aches terribly) from when you clutched so tightly onto Geto’s mane as he ascended, climbing into the sky with Ariadne and Danai behind you. And yes, you screamed all the way to the Sky Realm, which looked like an open-air marketplace filled to the brim with stalls of food, games, and musicians playing the same song at the same time.

“Toji won’t be attending,” Geto confirms to the group, and you all collectively let out a sigh, then disperse into the crowd eagerly. You look to Geto, who lifts his arm for you to take, and once you loop your arm around his, he leads you along the path of stalls. As you marvel at the vast array of foods, sounds, and people that look somewhat like humans - but if one were to peer closely, they would find small differences from normal human faces - your eye catches on a colorful array of bracelets, and you pull Geto in that direction without words.

“FIve strands to protect you from evil,” the man behind the wooden counter smiles, and you finger a rainbow-colored one, then turn to Geto excitedly.

“Can I get one for all of us?” you ask, and he chuckles, waving his hand at the display.

“Have your pick, my lady.” You choose six more, and then - upon realizing you have no money to pay for the things - you set the back on the counter, much to Geto’s confusion.

“I have no money,” you reply when you see his face, and he blinks twice, then whispers in your ear,

“Y/n, everything is free.” You frown and squint your eyes.

“But how…”

“I’m the Dragon God, remember? This festival is for me and my counterparts.” The stall owner seems to have tuned you both out, focusing on weaving his strings and minding his business while you two discussed the logistics of the unnecessary payment.

As you take your prizes to the next stall, the scent of something meaty catches your nose and you sniff about, which makes Geto laugh earnestly. “I think you’re smelling kamuth.”

“What’s that?” you ask, looking at the spinning wheels of meat in the booth.

“It’s a delicacy among the immortals; it’s said that this rat-like creature first crawled from the bottom of the Earth to the highest mountain in order to reach the Sky Realm.” Geto plucks a slice of meat from the wheel and presents it to you, placing it in your open mouth. “But now, it’s just a rodent we fatten up to cook for festivals.” The salty meat slides down your throat easily and you hum in delight, reaching for another piece.

“Ambrosia?” a woman offers, and as you consume another slice of kamuth, Geto secures two cups full of yellow, shimmering liquid.

“Drink it slowly,” he warns, and you take a sip of it, letting the sweetness of it wash away the salty aftertaste of the meat.

“This is delicious,” you mention before you hear two voices call out behind you.

“Suguru!” The pink-haired boy from before and a man with black hair and a red stripe over his nose appear out of the crowd, beaming at Geto with admiration.

“Yuji, Choso,” Geto begins, smiling widely. “You two look like you’ve had your fair share of ambrosia.”

“Fifteen glasses before Choso here upchucked all over the floor,” Yuji states proudly, thumbing over to the unsteady Choso, who hiccups and covers his mouth. Choso’s eyes slide your way, and when he looks at you, you feel as if he’s looking into your soul.

“A human?”

“For now,” Geto holds out his hands to stop his protests. “Toji has already--”

“There you two are,” Two hands float out of the crowd and yank on the collars of both Yuji and Choso at the same time. “I look away for one moment and you two go staggering off into the crowd like dogs without leashes.” Megumi fades into view and you watch as he drags the two off into the crowd after muttering, “Sorry about these two idiots, Your Holiness.” You bring the cup to your lips again as you watch them disappear, then swallow the ambrosia for courage.

“Shall we continue?” Geto holds out his arm again, and you take it happily.

_____________________________________________________________

You had to admit, you were having so much fun watching the boat races, the dancers, and the speed-weavers that you forgot to drink your ambrosia slowly. By the time the cup is empty, you’re slightly unsteady on your feet and feeling sluggish. Geto immediately notices your slight impairment and frowns at your empty cup, gripping your arm tightly.

“Oooh,” you drawl, head tilting to the side slowly as you examine the colored lanterns around the grounds. “I want some lanterns like those,” you state. “All around the bedroom. Will you do that for me, Geto?”

“I’ll get you whatever lanterns you like, my lady,” he replies, and finds a place for the two of you to sit away from the crowd. You try to sit up straight, but your body keeps angling back slightly, so Geto has to catch you and sit you upright each time. “Y/n, do you feel tipsy?”

“I feel…” You stop to think for a second. “I feel warm and fuzzy all over, like a blanket,” you laugh, and Geto has to catch you again.

“Let’s go home,” he murmurs, and you straighten up, trying to make yourself appear more alert.

“No! The fireworks haven’t happened yet.”

“There will always be next year, my love.” You grasp his hand abruptly and tug on it once.

“But I’ll only be human for a few more weeks,” you plead, but he doesn’t look like he’ll give in. Not with that concerned look on his face.

“You’re under the influence of ambrosia; I’m taking you home, y/n,” he states, scooping to pick you up easily and walking back to the field where he landed as a dragon earlier. You watch him go to the edge of the cliff and step off, and for a second, panic sets into your bones as you scramble to see where he's gone. But a massive dragon shoots up from the edge as you peer over, landing on the grass with precision. A soft snort means “get on”, and you shakily do so, clutching onto his mane with all you had.

When you settle onto his back, he slowly begins his ascent, lifting off into the sky easily. One circle around the Sky Realm and then you’re off, speeding through clouds and air, the wind sailing past your face and making your once-tidy hair unkempt. At some point, you feel the overwhelming fear pass and you look up at the sky, reaching a hand up to touch a small cloud. Despite the cloud feeling like nothing, you contain your disappointment and yell,

“Why did you go so fast earlier? Did you want me to scream my head off?” The choppy growl Geto gives sounds like a laugh, almost, and you roll your eyes, sinking back into his mane as you descend to the palace. He shifts back into a man when you dismount, and then scoops you up again, carrying you past the front doors and to his bedroom.

“This is so romantic,” you croon jokingly as he places you back down, then begin to fiddle with your dress so you can slip into bed. But as your fingers slip on the clasps, Geto takes over, brushing your hair to the side so he can see the back of your gown. When his fingers ghost on the exposed skin, you shiver slightly. After the dress slides down your figure, you step out of it and turn to face Geto, covered only in a silk slip that reaches the top of your thighs.

Even under the influence of the drink of the gods, you don’t miss the way his eyes roam over you appreciatively; drinking in every curve, dip, and slope of your skin. His inventions are clear when he cups your face and presses his lips to yours, and you’re not sure if it’s the ambrosia or the newfound confidence that makes you bold, but your fingers drift to the tie at his waist, undoing it deftly. You walk back to the bed, Geto still pressing kisses to your skin and you the same, articles of his outer clothing being left behind in a trail leading to the large mattress. Once he’s down to his pants and those alone, he speaks softly.

“I want you to be fully sober when we…” He leaves the rest up in the air, and you pull away from him, blinking slowly.

“But--”

“I need full and enthusiastic consent,” he asserts, and you nod once, understanding his meaning.

“Then just kiss me until I fall asleep,” you counter, and he gives you a half-smile, his hands coming back up to your face and his lips pressing against yours as you sink into the pillows and sheets.

_____________________________________________________________

TAGLIST: @nostaren @sunfloweroranges @jibe-gajima @jotazinha @brownskinnedgirll @leanne-tamashi @vabybizzle @amaris9 @fuegy-fuegy @ambiguous-something @kontentious @missbonekitty @fyotituti @honouredsatoru @sandyscastle @flare-on @sasahime @ggotgame @just4readingfics

#jujutsu kaisen getou #geto x reader #geto suguru #jjk geto #getou x reader #getou suguru #jujutsu kaisen geto #jujutsu kaisen #choso kamo #jjk #yuji itadori

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wonderlustlucas · 4 years ago

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jack pot ; part 1 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader, seo changbin x female reader for like 2 minutes ⇢ word count 7.5k ⇢ genre fluff, angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way), slight smut ⇢ warnings drug use!!! & lots of it (marijuana), grinding, implied smut ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n yo!!! disclaimer: this initially was going to just be a long one shot but i decided to split it up into 3 parts, so just to let u all know part 1 & 2 does not have a ton of hyunjin interaction, they’re more character/plot building. part 3 is when things will get spicy ♥︎ i hope u enjoy! if u rb make sure to let me know what u thought in the tags mwah also i finally switched from ___ to yn are u guys proud of me :)

prelude.

Sometimes you really, truly, honestly think you could go right ahead and kill Han Jisung.

You say it all the time. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I will literally kill you,” or when you are feeling extra spicy, “Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He, of course, laughs it off like you aren’t vibrating with the urge to kick his kneecaps in. You seriously have lost count of all the times he has brought you to the brink of insanity.

And honestly, you have watched enough murder documentaries on Netflix that you probably could do it, but, you know, spending the rest of your life in prison does not sound that appealing. Plus, there’s the ever-troubling detail that Han Jisung is the closest thing you have to a best friend. So, it sort of goes against your basic human morals to backstab—literally—the most important human in your life.

But he really makes you crazy. Why you agreed to share an apartment with him in the first place is a mystery, but the fact that you leased it again for junior year is what really makes you lose sleep at night. Because, while he may be your best friend, Jisung is the epitome of a little shit. If such a compound word was in the dictionary, it simply would say ‘Han Jisung.’ Somehow, though, it makes you love him even more. Maybe it’s true that ‘opposites attract,�� or, perhaps, maybe it’s because no matter how much embarrassment and general self-loathing he may have caused you in the past, it has benefitted you in the end.

For example, his constant teasing about your lack of friends eventually led to you befriending a group of girls you always admired from afar. His snarky comments concerning your nonexistent social life finally got to you and now you can proudly wear the title of one of the best beer pong players in your class. His presence in general has taught you to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, whether it’s against him, your parents, a toxic friend, hell, even a professor. Proving people wrong, especially Jisung, is your favorite pastime.

Sometimes, though, it’s not that easy.

There’s one area in your life where you have accepted defeat. One area in your life where Jisung has his most fun. One area, or, perhaps one person, where you simply cannot step beyond your comfort zone.

Hwang Hyunjin is your Achilles tendon and Jisung is the arrow. There are times, along with all the times you’ve considered strangling Jisung in his sleep, where you have sat and actually prayed to the gods to send someone else. Someone not nearly as perfect as Hyunjin and someone not nearly as unattainable. Alas, these prayers, hook-ups, Tinder dates, anything to get him off your mind has proved futile; because here you are three years later, stuck with this stupid, absolutely infuriating crush on the only boy who has ever owned your heart because you outright gave it to him.

one.

You are beginning to think the two bubbly junior girls who led the campus tour you attended last year lied about the dining hall.

Correction: they one hundred percent lied.

Because even though the newly renovated food court looks nice—unscratched linoleum floors, shiny marble countertops and all sorts of seating to choose from—there must be something fishy going on with the cooks. Literally. Just last week, an upperclassman had a breakdown when she forked into her tuna (why anyone would want college seafood is another story) to find a worm right there in the middle of it. You have found little shards of glass in the yogurt and bugs even at You-Cook, but that’s all a part of the college experience, right?

“Are you sure there’s no spiders or anything? Did you check?” Beside you, Maddie watches with furrowed brows as you spoon a hefty serving of scrambled eggs onto your plate. Chuckling, you move down to grab a few sausages and a chocolate chip muffin before they are gone for the rest of the day; Lord knows, you are only a month in and carbohydrates have quickly become your emotional support, just like everyone else. “Yes, I checked,” you assure her, hiding a laugh with your hand as she leans over to further scrutinize the eggs, “I didn’t see any arachnids.”

“Good,” she hums, satisfied with your answer, “can you grab a banana muffin for me? They’re usually at the bottom.”

Nodding, you turn back to the blessed muffin basket, pushing away blueberry, corn, double chocolate, all because Maddie has to be different and go for the macadamia nut banana.

“Are those the dinosaur socks they were selling on move-in day?” In front of you, someone asks, and your first instinct is to look down at your feet just to confirm. 8:30 calculus simply turns your brain to mush and remembering how you dressed for the day is near impossible. “Yes!” Laughing, you lift your leg to get a closer look at the cute green t-rexes on skates. “I was sold once I heard they were a dollar.”

Tearing your gaze away from said socks, you look up and suddenly feel as if you have bumped into an angel. Maybe there were spiders in the eggs, deadly poisonous spiders that crawled up the spoon while you weren’t paying attention and bit your hand and now you are dead and this is the angel leading you to the heavens. That, or this simply is the most beautiful human you have ever seen up close and your brain does not know how to process it. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but you definitely have never been so starstruck in your life.

The boy in front of you says something but you don’t hear it, senses and thoughts momentarily Off™ as you gawk at him. Aside from the deep undereye bags you all have claimed the past few weeks, this stranger is as close to perfect as you can get. Sure, Seungmin and his roommates are pretty cute—but what the fuck?

Something tells you that you have been silently staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open for far too long when his brows raise in a mix of confusion and expectation. Shit. What did he say? Synapses suddenly shooting like fireworks in your brain, you desperately try to remember his reply but instead, all you had focused on was the plumpness of his lips as he spoke and not the words themselves.

Clearing your throat, you blink once, twice, hoping you were hallucinating the whole time and the boy in front of you is not Hercules incarnate.

Lucky for you or him, you can’t tell, but he is still as attractive as he was two seconds ago. “Sorry, what?” You blurt, loud, too loud, flinching at the sound of your own voice. Instead of recognizing that you are totally off your rocker, he smiles, a soft, toothy smile that has your muscles turning to goo.

“I said I bought them, too,” cutest-boy-in-the-universe repeats, looking down and you follow his gaze, “my roommates were making fun of me, so I’m glad I finally found someone who bought them.” Alas, as he tugs at the fabric of his jeans to slightly lift the cuff you see that he, too, wears the same socks. You think you’re in love.

“Well, your roommates clearly have no taste,” you deadpan, shakily meeting his eyes once he looks back up. He laughs softly, eyes scrunching at the action and you positively swoon until silence settles over you and he takes the opportunity to regard you, gaze sweeping down your frame and up again. You hold your breath because, 1) holy shit, you would get on your knees for him right now and 2) you suddenly wish you were wearing more than the ‘just-woke-up-to-get-pegged-by-calc’ fit.

“I’m Hyunjin,” he finally says and you release all the air trapped in your lungs. “YN,” you return, grasping his outreached hand and thanking the heavens it is as sweaty as yours. “Well, it was nice to meet you, YN,” Hyunjin proceeds, releasing your hand and offering a gentle smile.

“You too, Mr. Sock Man,” you grin, rocking on your heels and realizing with a pang of disappointment that your breakfast has probably gone cold. Well, that’s okay, because right now you are totally content standing here in the middle of the dining hall, silently staring at this Hyunjin with a stupid smile plastered on your face. And the best part? He apparently is just fine doing that, too.

“YN!” Somewhere behind you, Maddie calls your name and it thrusts you head-first back into reality. “Did you find a banana muffin? I can’t find— oh. Who’s this?” Appearing beside you, visibly shocked having found you in a staring contest with a very tall, very cute boy. “Oh, uh,” you huff out a laugh, scrambling to get yourself together, “Hyunjin, this is Maddie, my roommate. Maddie, this is Hyunjin. We have the same socks.”

Brows shooting up at the puzzling introduction, Maddie bites back a laugh and looks back and forth between you and Hyunjin. “Well, you don’t hear that every day,” smiling to hide her confusion, she offers him a small wave with her hand full of muffin packs, “nice to meet you.”

Hyunjin smiles in return, gaze quickly returning to you. “I’ll be off, then. Gotta get the waffles while they’re still warm. I’ll see you around.”

And before you know it, he’s off toward the other end of the breakfast counter.

“Um, what the fuck?” Maddie whispers excitedly as you make your way toward your usual table, elbow repeatedly jabbing into your side. “I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m dreaming,” you sigh blissfully, relieved to find that Jisung and Seungmin were able to claim your favorite booth. “No, definitely not dreaming. He’s totally into you. You have to hang out.”

“What?” You sputter, nearly tripping over your own two feet. Then, lowering your voice as you near the two boys, “I �� no, he isn’t. How can you tell? That was like, the cutest guy I’ve ever talked to, and you think he’s into me?”

“Who’s the cutest guy ever?” Jisung pipes up, eyes lighting up and you curse him and his fucking bat hearing.

“No one,” you grumble, smiling softly at Seungmin when he gets up so you don’t have to sit on the end, leaving Maddie to sit next to the other one. “Is it me?” Jisung grins with a flutter of his eyelashes. He’s convinced the only reason you dislike him is because you’ve actually fallen in love with him, but that’s far from the truth. You don’t even dislike him—he’s just one of the first guys you’ve met who meets your sarcasm with as much ferocity, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

“In your dreams, Han,” you sneer, gracing him with a dramatic eye roll before tearing open the bag of your muffin. Comfortable conversation quickly falls into place as you eat, complaints about your classes, Seungmin trying to convince you to join them at the first party they will be attending while Jisung mocks you for wanting to stay home, Maddie asking where Felix is and Seungmin explaining that he got so high last night he ended up staying up past four playing Overwatch and is currently sleeping past all his classes.

Then, in the midst of guzzling your apple juice, Jisung leans out of his seat to call down the aisle. “Hwang! Come pull a chair over!”

Curiosity peaked, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and crane your neck to see over Seungmin’s fat head for who this ‘Hwang’ could be until, like the universe is really trying to kill you, the Hyunjin you met not even ten minutes ago has reached your table. “Hey,” he grins brightly, dabbing up the two boys before he glances to you, mouth promptly falling open. Certain you mirror the same expression, you struggle to find your words as Jisung and Seungmin look between you in shared confusion. “First we share socks, now it’s these dumpheads?”

Ignoring the way they scowl, Hyunjin giggles shamelessly and grabs a chair from an adjacent table to sit at the head of your booth. “It would seem that way.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You guys know each other?” Jisung scoffs in disbelief, pointedly looking at you as if you’ve gone and disproved everything he pegged of you. “We just met,” Hyunjin replies with a shy smile, sparing you a quick glance before cutting into his waffle. Jisung looks to you and you offer an affirmative nod.

“And how are you guys friends?” Maddie asks, sensing your panic. “He’s Changbin and Minho’s roommate,” Seungmin answers.

You choke on a mouthful of juice.

“Christ, you good?” Seungmin snickers, offering a few slaps to your back. With a muffled yes, you look to Hyunjin with pleading eyes. “Please don’t tell them I said they have no taste.”

He laughs, arching a brow at you. “No way. They’ll get a kick out of that.”

“Oh, Christ,” faking a cry, you bury your face into your palms, “so much for making friends.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Jisung soothes with faux sympathy, “no one wants to be your friend anyway.”

Scoffing, the table quickly falls silent when you look up with rage in your eyes. “I bet when someone asks your parents about you, they change the subject,” you spit, shooting daggers at him before stabbing your fork into an innocent chunk of egg. To your utmost surprise but total delight, the other three burst into a fit of laughter, leaving you smirking smugly and Jisung sulking.

“Anyway,” Maddie promptly changes the subject back to her chemistry professor who has started every class playing Britney Spears. Tucked away in your corner finishing the last of your sausage and stifling the urge to get up for more, it isn’t until Hyunjin begins to speak do you realize that you have been quietly watching him the entire time. You would blame the soft morning sunshine shining through the windows and illuminating the right side of his face for making him look so ethereal, but you know that isn’t the case; from short, messy black hair, silver hoop earrings, thick, defined brows, the soft curves of his nose and the pouty fullness of his lips, you are totally, completely mesmerized.

And then, the sole of a sneaker is slammed right into your shin. “OW!” You yelp, loud, and for a moment you forget the pain in favor of the embarrassment that comes with the number of heads that turn to look at you. “Sorry. Bit my tongue,” you lie, earning an unconvinced look from Maddie. “Go on,” you nod toward Hyunjin to continue whatever he was saying before directing a furious glare to Jisung, who fails to hide his triumphant smirk as he enthusiastically types on his phone.

Just as you have bent down to rub at your throbbing leg, your phone vibrates twice against the table.

han jisung [now] stop staring, ur lucky hwang is as dense as a rock or he would have left a long time ago bc of you

han jisung [now] so THAT’S the ‘cutest guy ever’ huh? so ur straight after all

Squeezing your hands into fists, you prepare to fire back a reply that will have him crying. But he has different plans.

“Oh, Hyunjin, did YN tell you she’s a dancer, too?” He exaggerates your previous mention of dancing and has the audacity to wink at you. Thanks, Mr. Match Maker.

“Really?” Hyunjin gasps excitedly, eyes lighting up and totally missing the flabbergasted what? that sputters from your lips.

“I – well, no,” you hiss, scowling at Jisung, “I used to do ballet when I was younger but that’s it. Why, though? Do you dance?”

“He’s here on a scholarship,” Seungmin explains, “and minors in creative writing.”

“Oh,” you squeak, glancing to Hyunjin who is all but smiling like a cherub, completely oblivious, “that’s amazing. You must have a crazy schedule.” Chewing the last of his waffle, he hums in agreement. “Yeah, it gets really stressful at times. But it’s worth it,” Hyunjin chuckles. Then fucking winks.

Unable to hold his gaze, you whip your head back around in a panic and reach for the mere sip left of your juice. “Speaking of crazy schedules,” he hums, slapping both Jisung and Seungmin on the shoulders, “I must head out. This was fun. I may start crashing the party more now.” Rising from his seat, Hyunjin swings his bag over a shoulder and grins brightly. Realizing it would be rude to not say goodbye, you force yourself to look back to him and offer a feeble wave.

“And YN, don’t bite your tongue when you eat, yeah?”

You’re going to pass out.

two.

Felix likes to think of you as his corrupted child when it comes to smoking weed.

A few weeks before you would all be returning home for winter break, he came knocking on your door with a proposition. “No one wants to smoke with me. Do you want to?”

This, for sure, was not what you were expecting on a cold Tuesday night in December. Despite the general curiosity and always wanting to ‘try it’ simply to feel like a teenager breaking the rules, you told him you never smoked before. “I know,” he said with a smile, “that’s why I’m asking.”

So, you agreed. Reaching for your hand, Felix snuck you out the window and led you halfway across campus to the junior parking lot, giving you ample opportunities to back out when he felt how badly you were shaking. “Whose car is this?” You laughed in disbelief when he unlocked a beaten-up Nissan near the outskirts of the lot.

“Kim Woojin. The junior?” He replied once you settled in the passenger seat next to him. “Oh.” You blinked, confused. “He lets you smoke in his car?”

“He gets me weed, too,” Felix giggled, reaching into the pockets of his sweatshirt and coming out with two tightly wrapped blunts, each about two inches long, “I’ll turn the heat on a little so we don’t freeze but we have to keep the windows open. I’m not going to have you hotbox for your first time.” You had no idea what that meant, but you agreed nonetheless.

With a brief lesson on what to do that truly made no sense until you tried it for yourself, Felix lit the blunt, took a few small hits to get it started, and then passed it to you. Holding it gingerly between your thumb and index finger, you brought the unlit end to your lips and sucked as he instructed ‘like a straw,’ breathing it into your lungs and ignoring the faint taste of smoke. Unsure of when to stop, it wasn’t until your throat felt as if it was on fire did you realize just how much you had inhaled.

“Shit,” you wheezed, coughing and choking and watching with wide eyes at the amount of cloudy white smoke that left your mouth and nostrils. Passing it back to Felix, you scrambled for the cold water bottle he brought along, downing half of it in one go to soothe the burn. “Good?” He asked, blowing out the window and turning back to you with eyes full of concern.

“Yeah,” you huffed, “give me a few, though.”

Humming in agreement, Felix connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and began playing what he calls his ‘getting high playlist,’ and before long, you fell in love with the feeling.

When break was over, you were dying to try it again. Felix was more than happy to be of service.

For all of March, it turned into a daily thing.

Now, you try to smoke only once a week for the sake of not dying, or something.

australian felix kjellberg❤️ [now] come hang at 201?

When the text notification pops up in the corner of your laptop screen amid your YouTube binge, your bones jitter with a mix of dread and excitement.

Dread, because that’s Hyunjin’s room. Excitement, because that’s Hyunjin’s room.

Maddie must hear your sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asks from her cozied position in bed, hand deep in a bag of popcorn.

“It’s Felix,” you start, “but he said to go to Hyunjin’s room.”

She blinks, unfazed. “And? I don’t see the problem here.”

“Well, I don’t know,” you count on your fingers, “first, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin sober. Second, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin high. Third, I am very touchy when high. Fourth, Hyunjin is always touchy.”

Maddie scoffs. “That’s a pretty lame argument, YN,” she laughs, “isn’t that what you want to happen?”

“Well,” she’s got a point, “yes, but it still makes me nervous. He makes me nervous.” Closing your laptop, you shimmy out of bed and debate changing out of your cotton shorts and tee shirt. Nah. You’ll probably end up going back to Felix’s and sleeping there. You put a sports bra and deodorant on and call it a day.

Maddie finds this hilarious. “You know what should make you nervous? The fact that you’re usually the only girl getting high with, what? Six guys? You know they all want to fuck you.”

“I try not to think about that, actually,” cringing, you try to erase Felix’s voice when he’s high as a kite or Changbin’s arms from your mind, “and you don’t know that. Sometimes Ryujin and Lia are there. Or, you know, you could always come. You don’t have to smoke, just come hang out. I know you want to give Minho a fat smooch.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. “I love you, and I appreciate the invite, but I don’t feel like babysitting a bunch of stoners, even if Minho is there.”

Laughing, all you can offer her is a shrug. “I don’t blame you,” grabbing your phone, wallet, and charger, you make your way over to her and bend over to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, “if you need me, don’t. I’ll probably be dead.”

“Oh Lord,” Maddie cackles, watching you struggle to open the window, “don’t die. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I’ll try,” you grin, military saluting once you’ve managed to flop over the ledge. With one last wave, you close the window behind you and thank admissions for giving you a room on the first floor.

[9:34 PM] YN: omw now, gather your forces to help me in :)

Nights in 201 are always interesting. First, their room is on the second floor, so climbing through the window is an experience. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could just walk in and out of residence halls as you please, but with the officer at the front desk documenting who comes in and who goes out, there would be a knock at the door at midnight asking you to leave. Second: as Maddie said, 201 means the whole squad is showing up. And when the whole squad shows up, you’re bound to feel a mix of anxiety and desire deep within your bones no matter how hard set you are on Mr. Hwang. And third: you know you’re in for one fucked up night.

[9:42 PM] YN: hereee

Standing awkwardly behind their building, you try and calm the nerves that always come when you know you will be with Hyunjin. Considering how close the two of you have become over the past few months, one would think you would have gotten a grip on those pesky feelings.

Yet again, it’s kind of hard to do that when he looks and acts like that all the time.

When the window slides open, you are expecting Changbin to hang halfway out for you to grab on to with the rest of them holding onto his legs. Instead, a tall, metal ladder of sorts is pushed out until it lands with a thud! at your feet, granting you a perfect staircase into the room.

Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.

Blinking in confusion, you do not know whether to focus on the crowd of boys waving at you from above or this abomination of a stepstool that was practically thrown out a window for you. Accepting the chain of events as just another fever dream of an experience in 201, you shake your head and begin to ascend on shaky legs, graciously taking Jisung’s hand and clinging to both him and Seungmin as they help you into the room. “Thanks,” you huff, giving them both a hug in return to their chivalry. And they dare say it’s dead!

Behind you, Changbin and Hyunjin lift the ladder-stepstool mutation back into the room and it isn’t until they have folded it into a more compact piece and set it against the wall do you speak up.

“Did you… buy a ladder?”

“Yes!” Minho bellows, thrilled by your successful entrance. “Isn’t it great?” After pulling back from a hug, he keeps his hands on your shoulders just to shake you like a bobble-head.

“Yes,” you grunt once he’s released you, head swimming, “a lot easier than hauling both me and Changbin through the window, right?” Looking to said boy, you can’t help but melt into his side when he pulls you close. “No worries,” Changbin beams, rubbing your arm, “at least we have some funny memories now.” When he moves to flop onto his bed, you realize with a shudder that you are alone with Hyunjin.

Well, technically not alone since they are all right there, but alone in the sense that they are not paying attention to you nor him.

“Hey, YN. I missed you,” he singsongs, engulfing you in one of his monster bear hugs. Disregarding the heart palpitations they may cause, Hyunjin’s hugs are truly the best and you wish you would initiate them more if it didn’t seem like such a big deal in that smooth brain of yours. “I missed you, too,” you mutter into his chest, squeezing your arms around him as if to engrave this feeling into your mind forever. “We saw each other, like, five hours ago,” he reminds you, finally pulling back and taking your will to live with him. God, he has no idea.

“And? You’re the only one here who doesn’t make me suicidal,” you lie because, in reality, he actually does. Just in a different way. “Aw,” he coos, large hand squeezing your side and you think you could orgasm on command, “good thing we have tonight, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you squeak, finally remembering to breathe when he steps away to sit beside Seungmin on his bed. Suddenly, you are feeling incredibly grateful no one is next to Changbin because, well, 1) he is closer to Felix and 2), you need a distraction.

“Hello, Felix,” you greet the boy sunk deep in a bean bag chair, busy grinding leaves and packing them into the bowl of a bong. “How are you this fine evening, YN?” He asks once you have settled beside Changbin, brows knitting together when the older boy drapes his arm around your waist.

“Good. Tired, though. How ‘bout you?”

“You didn’t have to come if you’re tired! We all know you work your ass off, no one’s gonna judge if you chose to stay home and sleep,” Felix expresses, giving you a look that screams ‘mom.’

“No! I’m not that tired,” you assure him, reaching for his hand and squeezing for extra effect, “you know I wouldn’t miss this. You’ve made me a pothead.”

With a proud smile, he returns to his designated job and begins working on the second, smaller bong. “So,” stretching to set your things on the desk beside Changbin’s bed, you turn to him with a knowing smile, “how’s the album coming?”

“Great!” He beams, eyes lighting up at the topic. “Jisung is a great addition. Did I tell you we started meeting with someone else, too?”

“No, who?”

“He’s a sophomore, Bang Chan?” Somewhere behind you, Felix passes a bong to Jisung for the first hit. “Bang Chan? Holy shit, Binnie,” repeatedly punching his arm to express your excitement, “that’s amazing! I didn’t know he was into music production. Not that I’ve ever talked to him, but.”

“No, I get you,” he hums, giving your side a firm squeeze, “he’s really awesome making beats. I hope we’re successful.” Then, reaching past you, he takes the second bong and a lighter from Felix. When he resituates himself, he’s considerably closer than before. You don’t mind.

“Ladies first?” Changbin offers with a crooked grin, handing them to you. Then, on second thought, he holds onto the lighter to do the honors. “Sure. Thanks,” you laugh, glancing across the room to find everyone arguing over which color to set the lights to as they wait for their high. Bringing the tube to your lips, you offer a miniscule nod to him and then he is setting flame to the bowl. Sucking strong enough to generate bubbles, you unplug the bowl once he stops and breathe in as much as your lungs can handle in one go. Then, once you have exhaled, you quickly finish what’s left in the tube before passing it to Changbin with a pleased smile.

“That was a lot,” he points out once you have handed the bong back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who kept lighting it for thirty seconds. Mother would be proud,” you joke, reciprocating the same service and lighting the bowl until he glares at you beneath his bangs.

The best part about being high is the fact that you are constantly laughing. Things won’t even be that funny, but once someone starts laughing—you’re done for. You laugh so hard it hurts, and then once it’s all over, you realize it wasn’t funny at all. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel?” Minho asks Jisung at some point. You absolutely loose it. It quite possibly is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

Pouting, Squirrel Boy leaves Minho alone on his bed to come crash beside you. “How are you, my tender oozing blossom?”

Squinting at him past the way your eyes burn, you make grabby hands and pull him close to wrap your arms around his teeny waist. Changbin grumbles in protest, but he’s too transfixed on the light’s soft in and out fade of different colors to say anything else. “Please, don’t ever call me that again,” you mumble into Jisung’s mop of brown hair.

“What?” He gasps, tilting to look up at you with puppy eyes. “You didn’t like it?”

“Nope,” smiling lazily, you rest your head atop his, “I love you, but I’m not ready for pet names yet.” His face morphs from a frown to one lit with excitement. “Holy shit, did you just say you love me? Do my eyes deceive me?”

“That would be your ‘ears,’ but yes,” you hum, brain simply not capable of denying it the way your sober self would. “More than Changbin?” Jisung whispers.

“Yes, but don’t tell him,” you return quietly, biting back a laugh.

“More than Hyunjin?” He counters. At this, you look up to find said boy sat with his legs to his chest across the room. Next to Seungmin, he looks like a giant; but a happy, pouty giant that keeps talking about how much he could go for a winter melon tea right now.

“Never.”

One and a half (half because it was just the rest of Minho’s terribly big hit that left tears streaming down his cheeks) and an unfinished game of Cards Against Humanity later, you find yourself in a blissful headspace. The song playing quietly through Felix’s speaker makes it feel like you are bouncing down stairs and then going up again, and the lights are oh so pretty, pink fading to red, yellow to green, blue to purple and so on. Things are fuzzy but crystal clear at the same time, the popcorn you’ve been shoveling into your mouth tastes heavenly, and your body feels like it is engulfed in a warm, comforting hug.

Or, that could just be Changbin.

Somewhere in between trying to get more comfortable and him yanking you to stay next to him when you attempted to get up and hug Seungmin for something sweet he said, you now find yourself on your back with a clinging Changbin on your side. You are so comfortable, but also insanely hot, and as you begin to slowly come down from your high as the hours tick by, you begin to realize it’s for another reason.

What started as an innocent hand on your side turned into his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns against your shirt, which then turned into his hand slipping beneath to splay against the warmth of your skin. Growing increasingly needy as the minutes go by, you turn to look at everyone around you. Jisung, who found himself returning to Minho, appears to be passed out with him on the far end of the room. Seungmin, curled up on the floor with a pillow and a heap of blankets. Felix, who finished off the rest of his weed, scrolls aimlessly on his phone still at the peak of his high.

And Hyunjin, who you assume has been fast asleep on his bed for a while now if the arm flung over his face tells you anything. For a moment, you feel sick with sadness. So close, but so far he lies, always a step out of reach. But you can’t deny how Changbin makes you feel—for right now, at least. And it would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity with someone else because the one you want is unattainable.

Right?

Changbin must sense the way your breathing increases, must feel the way your body reacts to the slightest of touches, yet he takes his time. He is soft in the way his hand travels up your arm, rough fingertips grazing over your collarbones before smoothing down over your chest and abdomen. It isn’t until you are about to burst at the seams does he give your ass a strong squeeze and urge your leg over his hips.

“Changbin,” you sigh, biting your lip to keep from whimpering when he begins pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of your throat. “Please touch me.”

He only makes a sound of agreement, savoring the way you squirm and grip onto his arm for dear life. When he offers an experimental roll of his hips to grind against you, you practically go feral. The last time you were touched in such a way was at a party in the beginning of the semester Jisung and co. physically forced you to go to, and Changbin has barely even touched you and it’s already better than the rushed sex you had that night.

“Wait,” he huffs, pausing his ministrations no matter how difficult it is to do so, “we can’t.”

“What?” You hiss, trying to keep your voice quiet, “why?”

“Because you’re high, and I’m high, and I’m not going to do anything unless you really want me to,” Changbin explains, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips when you frown in response. “But I do want you to,” you huff, chasing his mouth for another, “I trust you one hundred percent.”

“Are you sure, YN?” What about Hyunjin? is what he really means and you know he’s right. You should have never told Felix.

Trying to ignore the wetness of your underwear, you turn to lie on your back. “Whatever. Never mind,” you mumble, and when you glance back to him, you can’t help the way your heart soars with him still pressed closely to your side, blinking tiredly at you. But like he said, it’s not Hyunjin. “Just get some sleep, Binnie. Forget it happened,” smiling past the tears that threaten to spill, you ruffle his hair and press a softer kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispers, returning the affection with a kiss to your shoulder. In minutes, he is snoring softly beside you.

You can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Reaching for your phone to check the time, you grit your teeth once you realize it’s almost four and you definitely have been staring at the ceiling for more than an hour. For starters, you are freezing now; unlike these passed out hooligans, you are showing a lot more skin and not being under the blankets is not doing you well. And secondly, it’s hard to fall asleep when your thoughts are flying miles a minute.

Is this how it’s going to be, then? Whenever you see someone, will the little guy on your shoulder whisper in your ear that it’s not Hyunjin? Or will people deem you off limits because they know of your infatuation? People who know, at least—Changbin is the first, apparently.

Just need to get comfy, you decide, trying to ignore such thoughts and turning to lie on your stomach. Bless Felix for leaving the lights on, too—you may be coming down from your high, but the vibe is simply immaculate. Tucking a hand under your cheek and following the ropes of light on the ceiling and up the walls, you find this to be enough to calm your nerves. Enough to make your eyelids heavy. Finally.

Someone lets out a monster train snore. Seungmin, you think, biting your lip to keep from laughing. Or, it could be Hyunjin. The thought is so amusing you can’t help but squint at the boy across from you to better see his outline, hoping he will do it again just to confirm.

No, not Hyunjin.

Because he’s facing you, eyes open, a soft smile plastered on his face. Well, fuck.

No reason to panic, you console yourself, returning a gentle smile in the assumption he can even see you. And you stay like that for a while, simply watching one another for an infinite amount of time. It’s not much, but it means something, you think, lost in the way the contours and highlights of his face change with each color the lights fade to. Just as you remember the whole point of getting on your stomach was to fall asleep, Hyunjin moves. Reaching for his phone, you watch in confusion as he brings it close to his face and starts typing.

hwang hyunjin👁👄👁 [now] Come sleep w me?

You almost throw up in your mouth. You must be dreaming. Surely.

Blinking against the harsh light of your phone, you cannot help your smile as you reread the text.

[4:02 am] YN: wont that b a little sus for bin

[4:02 am] hwang hyunjin👁👄👁: If anyone asks just say he kept kicking u or something

You don’t need to be told twice. Now that he has turned onto his side facing the other direction, Changbin does not stir once you slowly move to sit up and stand, nor when you reach for the quilt crumbled at the foot of the bed to pull over him. It’s not much, but hopefully it will keep him from waking in a few hours freezing to death. Then, as you tiptoe your way over to Hyunjin’s bed, avoiding Felix now that he’s sprawled half way off the bean bag, you cannot tell if you are still shivering from the cold or if the fact you are going to be sleepingwith Hyunjin in one, tiny single bed is finally clicking in your brain. Like Maddie said, this is something you want, right?

As you draw closer, Hyunjin shifts to make room and lifts the covers for you to quietly slip beneath. “Thank you,” you whisper, pulling the blanket up to your chin and trying to ignore the feeling of being so close to him. “Of course. You looked real cold over there,” he smiles tiredly. Then, his arm cautiously curls around you to rest by your head, fingers swiping stray hairs away from your face.

“I was,” you admit. Eyes level to his lips, you strain to look him in the eyes to resist the temptation now that he’s pulled you so close. “Changbin fell asleep and I felt bad waking him.”

Hyunjin doesn’t reply. He seems momentarily lost in thought, brows slightly furrowed as he chews on the inside of his lip.

“Do you like him?” He finally asks, voice shaky with hesitation.

“What?” You sputter, shocked at such a presumption. Yet again…

“No, no I don’t. I mean—as a friend, yes, but, you know,” you trail off, squeezing your eyes shut. You desperately wish you were not having this conversation right now. “He was touching you, though. And it looked like you liked it,” Hyunjin whispers, thumb swiping against your cheekbone.

“I mean, well yeah, I did. But I’m not close enough to like him like that. It’s just a physical attraction,” realizing you are discussing what went down with Changbin to Hyunjin, you suddenly pull back and lean up on an elbow to get a better look at him, heat now spreading up your limbs like fire. “Were you watching us, Hwang?”

“Yes,” he admits, “it’s kind of hard not to.” Your heart stops beating.

“I – what?” You manage once you have remembered how to breathe. “I didn’t know you were awake, we wouldn’t have… what do you mean, ‘it’s kind of hard not to?��”

“You know what I mean, YN,” Hyunjin mutters, arm slipping around your waist and pulling you to lie down with him again, this time, your chest pressed to his. “I like looking at you. You’re very pretty.”

You definitely must still be high, because you are seriously having a hard time wrapping your mind around Hyunjin calling you pretty, as well as being so close, and somewhere deep in your mind wonders if he knows. If he knows how your heart is on the line here. Knows that with him moving closer, you are taking a huge risk.

When Hyunjin kisses you, you forget that this could be the worst mistake you’ve made in a long time. Wrapped around his fingers, you pray this is his way of saying he feels the same.

“YN!” You wake to Seungmin gently shaking your shoulder. “YN, wake up. Your phone has been vibrating for twenty minutes now. It’s Maddie.”

The wave of panic washing over you dispels the grogginess you feel from suddenly being yanked from sleep, as well as the recognition of where you are and who you’re with. Frantic, you sit up and nod in thanks to him before taking the call. “Hello?”

“Oh, thank God you answered,” Maddie cries, voice choked, “I’m sorry, I know you’re still out, but I just threw up and I feel so terrible and when I get up I feel so nauseous. Can you come home?”

“Shit, Maddie, don’t apologize,” you whisper, rushing to grab your things as Seungmin unfolds The Ladder as quietly as possible, “I’m leaving now. Don’t move, you don’t want it to get worse. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers before hanging up.

“Thank you, Minnie,” pressing a kiss to his cheek, you begin to climb down. “Is everything okay?” He asks, watching as you go with a worried frown. “Yes, it’s fine. Just a little emergency, don’t worry,” praying no one is out and about watching as you climb from the back of their building, you rush back to help Maddie as fast as you can.

You stay back in your dorm with Maddie for the rest of the weekend, fetching her water and ginger ale and food she can handle, helping her to the restroom, and binging all sorts of shows and movies with her. Seungmin, Jisung, and Minho visit Sunday evening, joining you for a few hours to watch Pokémon. You think it’s just because Minho knew it would be a good opportunity to snuggle with Maddie.

You can’t help but feel disappointed when Hyunjin isn’t with them. You refrained from telling Maddie what happened in 201, too caught up wanting to make sure she was alright, and by now you are starting to feel as if it wasn’t even real. Maybe you made the whole night up in your marijuana-infused brain. And snuggled up with Jisung, you can’t help but wish it was this annoying shit you were falling in love with.

On Monday morning, Hyunjin doesn’t show up for breakfast. On Tuesday, you find out he has been hanging out with a girl he met at his favorite boba joint and apparently won’t shut up about. First, you run back to your dorm to cry to Maddie, having to explain all of Friday night to her. When she leaves for her lab, you call Felix for an emergency smoke session. When Maddie texts that she is going to be out late working on a project, you call Changbin to tell him that you really do want him to.

Like you said, it’s just a physical attraction, right?

⇢ part 2

546 notes · View notes

jjmaybanksbaby · 4 years ago

Text

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer II

Part 04: I Should Just Tell You To Leave

series masterlist | previous part

summary: Against your better judgement, you seek out Rafe to talk about the Fourth of July party but things inevitably spiral.

a/n: I don’t really have anything to add!! Enjoy the angst! :))

word count: 2.2k words

The warm Outer Banks sun streamed into your room waking you from your sleep like a subtle alarm clock. The sounds of the air conditioning whirling away in the background was the only noise filling the mostly quiet house. You rolled over in your bed and finding a cool spot drifted back to sleep.

This time the loud chimes of the front door bell pulled you out of your slumber. You sat up onto your elbows curiously. No one ever ringed your door bell except for the delivery person and never this early in the day. A pair of footsteps padded across the foyer to the front door and your mom’s familiar voice echoed through the house moments later.

With your door closed, the conversations was muffled and you could only make out pieces of it.

She didn’t just say “Cameron,” did she? You wondered.

You were surely just being paranoid. It had only been two days since everything that had happened on the Fourth and your brain felt scrambled from overthinking just about every detail of that night.

Your curiosity officially got the best of you and you slipped out of your bed, quietly as not to make any of the floorboards creak in the old house. You cracked open your bedroom door just enough to hopefully steal a glance at the front door but your mom's figure was blocking the face of whoever she was talking to.

The voice though. It sounded so familiar, like you should have been able to place it.

You watched from your bedroom as your mom stepped forward and gave the other person a hug, bringing their face into perfect view.

It was Ward Cameron. What was he doing here?

You watched your mom exchange a few more worlds and close the door behind him. You slide your feet into a pair of throughly-worn through slippers and stepped out of your bedroom.

Your mom was still standing at the bottom of the stairs tapping away at her phone. You wanted to ask her about Ward but you couldn't give away that you had been eavesdropping.

"Morning mom," you said, kissing her cheek, your eyes fluttering down to her phone screen. Her text with your dad were pulled up but it didn't look like anything important. "What’s for breakfast?"

"There's some bagels on the counter,” she replied, not looking up from her phone.

"Okay," you paused. "Was someone at the door?" You asked, hoping your mom missed the eagerness of your question.

"Oh, just Mr. Cameron." She said.

"Ward?"

"Mmmhmm."

"What did he want?" You pushed.

"He's helping us with Midsummers,” she replied.

Midsummers? You thoughts. Isn't that usually in June?

"I thought Midsummers already happened this year."

Your mom sighed and you could pick up on her slight annoyance with your questioning.

"It was. He's helping us with next summer. The board sends out invites the August before."

The bulk of your mom's statement went over your head except for two words: next summer. As in you would for sure be back in the Outer Banks next summer.

"Isn't Nonna already a member of the Club?"

“Yes, she is. But Midsummer is put on through the Island Club which an even more exclusive part of the Club. Our family used to be a part of it when I younger. Ward's helping us get back in."

"I thought our family didn't like the Camerons?" The words were out of your mouth before you realized how it might sound.

Your mom finally looked up from her phone at you. "Why would you think that?"

"Oh," you paused, unsure how to proceed exactly. "Nonna said Mr. Cameron broke your heart your senior year of high school," you said hesitantly. "She said you were so upset you didn't talk to her for like two years.”

Your mom scoffed. "Your Nonna is always so dramatic. That's where your older sister gets it from. My mother told me she wouldn't pay for my college if I followed Ward to UNC. I guess she didn't realize I wanted to go to the west coast for college anyway and was going to break up with Ward when he was home over Thanksgiving break. Things with Ward didn't end with any bad blood, contrary to my mother’s belief. She’s never liked the Camerons for some reason but that's just her."

"So then we're going next summer? To Midsummers?"

"That's what I'm trying to make happen." Your mother went back to typing furiously on her phone.

"And the Camerons go ever summer?” You asked. Your mind defied you, conjuring up an image of Rafe waltzing into Midsummers in a perfectly tailored suit with a matching baby blue bow tie that made his eyes pop.

"What's with the sudden interest in a party?" Your mother asked back.

You forced the corners of your mouth up into a casual smile. "No reason. I'm going to eat breakfast." You quickly disappeared down the hallway before you gave yourself away.

☼☼☼

You hummed along softly to the music coming from your phone as you ran a straightening iron through your thick hair. The summer humidity made it a disaster to deal with. You knew two minutes outside would send it right back into looking like an untamed mess but most mornings you still stood in front of the mirror straightening it anyway.

Your phone which was sitting on the counter to your right buzzed with a new notification. You picked it up and unlocked it. There were two unread text sitting in your messages: one from your dad and another from an unknown number. You opened the second one.

Hey y/n! It's Cleo. Have you heard from Rafe recently? He's been acting weird and ghosting on our plans. I realized I had your number so I figured I'd shoot you a text and ask!!

You reread the text from Cleo before switching to your messages with Sarah.

y/n: Do you know where your brother is?

s: he's in his room moping i'm guessing for the same reason i couldn't find you after the fireworks

y/n: Sorry about that. How about I'll buy you ice cream this week and make it up to you?

You paused for a moment before typing out your next message.

y/n: Do you think I could come talk to him?

s: go for it

s: and i like mint chocolate chip with sprinkles :)

☼☼☼

You stood on the Cameron's front porch, not sure if you should knock or just walk inside. You settled on knocking and seconds later the door swung open revealing a younger-looking blonde woman holding a stemless wine glass with thick gold hoods hanging from her ears.

"Hi," you said, feeling like coming here might have been a very bad idea. "Um, is Rafe home?"

She glanced over her shoulder. "Yeah, yeah he is. Who are you again?"

"I'm y/n, one of his friends. Sarah said I could stop by."

She stepped back opening the door wider. "Sure, come in. I'm Rose. Rafe's in his room."

"Thank you," you said, stepping into the house. A sweeping staircase climbed up to the second floor. "Up here?" You asked.

"Mmmhmm." Rose nodded, bringing her wine glass up to her lips.

You walked slowly down the long hallway, most of the doors were closed except for one at the end.

You saw Rafe before he saw you. He was sitting in his unmade bed pushed into the corner of the room, only the light from the video games on the tv illuminating the space. You raise your first and knocked lightly on his doorframe, his attention snapping up to you.

You lingered in his doorway. Crossing into Rafe's room felt like it should mean something, you wanted it to mean something. His eyes were glued to the floor, watching your hesitant movements. You took a small step forward. He went back to the game, unpausing it, his fingers flying across the controller, no longer focused on you.

“Hey, I think we should talk,” you said as you crossed the room until you were just few feet away from him. When he didn’t move his gaze from the tv, you glanced around his room looking nervously, unsure where to rest your own eyes. The room was so distinctively his. Everything fit together in a way that made sense and the years he had spent growing up in it were obvious.

“Does your boyfriend know that you’re here?” He snapped back.

You ignored his comment, pressing on. “Sarah said you were moping.”

“Sarah says a lot of things.”

“Rafe.”

“Y/n.”

“Jesus, why are being such an asshole? Are you even gonna look at me?”

You expected your comment to earn you at least a glance in your direction but his head stayed firmly facing forward.

You stepped in front of the tv, forcing him to meet your stare.

“I’m sorry Rafe. I should have told you about Evan earlier. Or made it clearer.” You stumble on your words. The air in the room was hot. The words in your throat felt sticky like it was taking everything in you to get them out.

Rafe stood up from where he was sitting on his bed. Before you realized what he was doing, he was standing in front of you, his arm slipping behind your waist, pull you in until you had to place a hand on his chest to keep some distance between you. God, you cursed the way your body instinctively arched against his, the two of you fitting together like you were perfectly shaped for each other.

“I’m not an asshole,” he growled, his voice lower than you had ever heard it. “Because an asshole would kiss you right now even thought you’ve made it very clear you’re not available to be kissed.”

He looked down at you, his lips no more than two inches from yours. If you tilted your head up anymore your lips might land on his.

He lowered his head to whisper in your ear.

“And to be very clear, I would fucking love to be kissing you right now,” he paused, not moving his mouth from next to your ear. “Actually, I’d like to do a little more than just kiss you, sweetheart.”

A deep blush spread across your face. You whole body responded to his words.

Rafe took a sudden step back, releasing you from his grip. “So you can either call up your boyfriend and tell him you’re over and kiss me like I can tell you want to. Or don’t and leave.” Rafe crossed his arms in front of his body, his tshirt straining against his biceps muscles. How had you never noticed just how built he was? You tried to shake off the feeling of being pressed against him, held in place by his strong arms.

Your phone felt heavy in back pockets, weighting you down. “Rafe, you know I can’t do that. I can’t just pick you or him.”

“I’m not gonna be some side piece y/n. And I’m sure as hell not gonna share you with some kid who probably doesn’t deserve the time of day from you, much less to be your boyfriend. You have thirty seconds. Make a choice.”

“We’ve been together 6 months...7 next week.” You blabbed, practically pleading with him. You hated to hear the words Rafe was saying because you knew they were every bit true. You couldn’t have both boys. But if you were being honest with yourself: you didn’t want them both.

Rafe Cameron was intoxicating. He made your brain swirl and held your whole damn emotions hostage. You should have known after he’d gotten you into a car crash the first night you’d met that he’d end up tearing you apart in every way. Not to mention your own grandmother had quite clearly warned you to stay away from him. But something about his beautiful face made you cling to him and welcome your downfall.

Your eyes danced from Rafe’s lips up to meet his glare. You could see him counting down the seconds behind his stare.

10...9...8...

It was all moving too fast. You couldn’t think. You couldn’t breathe.

7...6...

But hadn’t you known coming here would lead to this? A part of you did. You knew the second you walked into the big Cameron house with the shiny marble floors you weren’t gonna leave it any bit the same.

5...4...

The voice in your head was screaming at you to walk away. You didn’t hurt people and Rafe was right: staying here would hurt Evan and it would hurt you just as much, maybe more. The voice yelled at you to get out. Run away from trouble back to Evan who wouldn’t ever hurt you. Back to your perfectly nice boyfriend.

3...

But no matter how loud or persistent that voice telling you to leave was, it couldn’t shut up the part of your brain pushing you to take what you really wanted. The boy you really wanted. The boy standing in front of you.

2...

You spun on your heel and kept your eyes down as you across the threshold of Rafe’s room back into the hallway.

1...

Rafe’s door closed behind you with a definitive click. That was it. He’d told you to pick and you had. There was no going back. No do-overs.

You stood frozen in the Cameron’s hallway, blinked away the tears threatening to spill down your face, trying to reassure yourself of your decision.

Your life would be easier without Rafe Cameron crowding your thoughts, you told yourself. Evan was the safe choice, he was good for you.

You let your legs carry you down the grand staircase and out of the front door of the Cameron’s house. There you were, for the second time in a week, fleeing from Rafe Cameron with your heart in the kind of pain that just might actually kill you.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13 [drop a ☀️ in my inbox or messages if you want to be added]

#outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #rafe cameron #rafe cameron series #rafe cameron x y/n #obx netflix #obx fanfic #obx #outer banks netflix #rafe cameron x reader #obx rafe #outer banks rafe cameron #where it leads series #where it leads

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alreadyblondenow · 4 years ago

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Just this one time | 2

Mark Lee x reader // SMUT, SMUT, fluff, angst

Themes: cheating! au, ex? fwb? au

Word count: 3k

Summary: The first time was a mistake, but the second time was a decision and you loved him so much.

Warnings: smut, mentions of other idols, swearing, CHEATING (please don’t cheat in real life), unprotected sex, rough sex, mentions of alcohol, getting drunk,

A/N: requested! Just because I feel like ending it with a good note haha This is for the anon that requested it and also @shaalk I wrote this as a rest to all the gore that I’m writing for 127 House haha. Enjoy!

“What is love for you?”

The big question hangs in the fourth-grade classroom for a parent-student Valentine’s day special. Since you’re busy at work for the past few weeks, Mark is the one left to help your son Mingyu for the speech that he has to deliver.

Your son is standing in front, clearing his throat, and getting ready for the speech. “Good afternoon everyone, I’m Lee Mingyu and this is love for me” everyone including you and Mark applauded as he begins his speech, “Many years ago my dad, Mark Lee crashed my mother’s engagement…”

“Did you seriously told him that story?” You whisper to Mark, pinching his thigh.

“Shh. Here’s the best part” your husband shushed you.

“...Ever since that day, their love grew so much and there’s nothing that could separate them again....Then they had me, and we all lived happily ever after” tears form in the corner of your eye, as you hear your son believe in the love that you and Mark share. “...My parents made me believe in love, because I see it every day, and they make me feel loved every day. And that is the meaning of true love for me. Thank you”

After the event, the three of you walked downtown to get some ice cream and eat pizza then head over to Mark’s parents to drop off Mingyu. It’s Valentine’s day, so you and Mark will have some alone time in a hotel that he booked, have a romantic dinner, and drink wine until you’re both drunk. “Mom, is that true? You chose dad?” he asked out of nowhere.

“Yes. It’s uh- Baby, I’ll tell you when you get a little older I promise”

As your son ran to his grandparents for a hug, you scoffed jokingly to Mark. “You’re unbelievable. You know that?”

“What? Winning you fair and square was my pride and joy” he kissed your forehead and went to say hi to his parents too.

A lot has happened before you and Mark can live peacefully like this. Years ago your relationship with Mark was nothing but chaos, you treat it as a mistake, but eventually, you realized it's him you love the most.

TEN YEARS AGO

It’s new years ever and everyone is back in town. You’re a graduating senior this coming summer and your family couldn’t be more proud of you. They have been telling every person in this party that you will graduate will flying colors in a couple of months.

Since it’s new years eve, everyone including your ‘kind of’ boyfriend Johnny is invited to this get together. It’s been five months since you two decided to have a break from your relationship and honestly speaking, you want to end it officially but there''s so much history in the relationship that you couldn’t just throw away. So you wait. And hope that you still learn to love Johnny.

The snow is thick outside and it’s freezing but you don’t mind. You were shivering from where you’re seated but you would rather be alone in this cold and quiet space than join the party and be exhausted. Five minutes before the great countdown, you decided to stay out here and watch the fireworks closely than watching it from a window inside. You feel someone put a jacket on your shoulder, thanking the person while you heat up yourself. And as you turn your head to the side to see who it was, lo and behold...

It was Mark.

He has a bottle of beer in his hand and an awkward smile, scratching his nape and avoiding your eyes.

“The last time I saw you, you have pink hair” that's the first thing that came out of your mouth. Now he has jet black hair, and still handsome as ever. It’s been almost three years since he left without saying goodbye. Three years since you two cheated behind Johnny’s back.

10, 9, 8...

“How are you?” he broke the silence.

7, 6, 5...

“Great. You?” you smiled sweetly hoping that he would stop being so awkward towards you.

4, 3, 2...

“I missed you”

He kissed you on the lips, right on time when the clock strikes twelve, just in time for the fireworks to make it even more special. Oh, you miss those lips. It tastes like beer for now, but the way he kisses you is still the same. Both of his hand holds your face steady, cupping your face as he kisses you for the first time again.

“I missed you too” you whispered in between kissing. He noticed that your voice is shaky, maybe you’re really cold already. So he wrapped his arms around you, share his warmth, and kiss some more to make up for lost time. Finally, kissing Mark didn’t feel so wrong.

He was still confident and bold as ever, still the Mark that you liked back then the only difference now is his black hair. Still cute and handsome at the same time for your eyes. To enjoy your little world together, he brought you to his home while his parents are still at the party, enjoying bingo with the other parents. He lit the fireplace to keep you warm and got some snacks from the kitchen. Mostly it was Christmas cookies, leftovers from baking too much he says.

It was comfortable and warm on the floor but you were still shivering. He was leaning his back on the lower side of the couch and invited you to sit between his legs so he could help you warm up. Your back leans comfortably on his chest, wrapping his arms around you and keeping you closer to him. He was whispering how he missed you so much, his breath softly brushes the shell of your ear making you shiver and giggle. “I celebrate alone during your birthday, drinking, hugging my pillow and pretend that it was you” he whispers, you turn your head just enough to see his handsome face, reach for his glasses, and removed it. His glasses are kept safe on the coffee table, and you return to look at him and plant a kiss on those soft lips. You felt love. But it’s too early to say that.

“Every time I have sex to forget you, I still see your face” it was a confession that makes him shy as he situates you on his lap, sending you a message that he misses your whole being. Both of your legs are on each side of his strong thighs, hips grinding and rolling on his growing crotch. Watching the man in front of you loses his mind with what you’re doing to him. He was hard already. He undid his pants as quickly as he can and released his hard cock, you tease the tip with your hand as you watch Mark roll his head back and release soft moans and whimpers that you miss hearing.

Foreplay was not needed or maybe you do, but you don’t care. You lift your skirt and Mark pull your damped panties to the side and you line his cock in your entrance. Teasing the tip of his cock even more by grinding your raw pussy on him, he smiles weakly and tilted his head, watching you have your fun and making you both moan softly. When you finally pushed it in, you took over and ordered the man beneath you to relax, and he did. He smiles weakly with half-lidded eyes, putting his hand on your waist. Seeing you grind on top of him like this made him feel accomplished. You were always worth the wait. It was pure happiness for Mark, he swears to himself that he will never ruin this again.

“Kiss me” he was about to cum, you know because he always wants to touch lips while he cums. It was your thing. He kisses you deeply while he shoots his thick cum inside you. Sex never felt so good again he thought. Mark kissed you down until you reach the floor removing his soft cock inside you and proceeds to undress you leaving you with nothing, bare and exposed for him. He removed his pants and boxers briefs, and you sat up and helped him with your shirt kissing his sexy body as he kneels in front of you.

“No more rush sex,” he said, kissing you again.

You have never had slow and intimate sex with Mark. For the first time, he was slow. He took his time kissing your lips, down to your neck, lick and suck your boobs until you were whimpering and ready to cum undone and proceeds to kiss your lower abdomen. With no questions asked or teasing, his tongue licks up and down your wet slit. Legs almost crushed Mark’s head because of sensitivity but he doesn’t care. He reaches for your hand so you could grip it until you have the confidence to grind on Mark’s tongue like you used to and moan with a high pitch tone and enjoy your first orgasm for the night.

He spreads your legs while you were busy catching your breath. Putting both of his hands on the sides of your head, watching you beneath him. He looks handsome with the orange light from the fire, it hits his face perfectly. Mark smiled sweetly on top of you, “ready?” he asked while pumping his cock, you nod your head yes. He lines his head in your very wet entrance and smoothly pushing inside his whole length, he came close to you teasing your lips with his tongue. It was a lustful moment and you didn’t want to end it so soon.

“Do you do this to your pillow?” You joked. Short breaths from what he’s doing to you, head turning side to side, nipples hard and fucking sensitive because Mark won’t stop pinching it.

“You bet” he smirked and thrust a little harder, giving you a taste of what’s he’s going to do next. There’s the Mark you know. Even if he’s thrust became hard and piercing that skin slaps so hard it surrounds the room, it was still not rushed. There was time to enjoy the feeling or laugh in between. He cums on your stomach pumping his cock, and kissing you sweetly as always.

“I’ll clean you up” before he left to go to his room, he covered you with his jacket and left a soft kiss on your forehead.

You’re now wearing a clean shirt and sweatpants from Mark. And he made you hot chocolate with small marshmallows in it so you will stay warm. For the rest of the night, you and Mark talked and catch up in the middle of their kitchen. Laughing loudly and talking about anything that comes into your head. Moments like this don't just happen between you and Johnny and you don’t know how you managed to be with him for years and years without feeling this kind of connection that you and Mark have.

“I never had a girlfriend. Those years, no” he took a sip on his beer, shy to tell you that he has been waiting for you all along.

“The girls are missing. They wasted this hot body” you both chuckled and he swings an arm around you.

“Well, this hot body is yours” he kissed your forehead drank his beer in one down, and turned towards the sink. You hugged him from behind, letting him do what he has to do while you smell him and make yourself comfortable as you wait.

“You sure you don’t want to stay over? I can keep you warm all night and I’m not talking about sex”

It was a tempting offer, “Some other time. I have to help my parents clean up the mess from the party”

“Oh right” leaning on the sink with his hand inside his pocket while his other hand is intertwined with yours. It was obvious that he wanted to spend some more time with you before he went away again.

“When are you going back?” you asked with a flirty tone. He smiled and started kissing you again, hands on your face, keeping it steady for his liking. “Two weeks” he answers. And before you come home that night, you kissed some more in their quiet kitchen not wanting to leave just yet.

For two weeks, you and Mark spend time with each other. Watching horror movies while holding hands tightly, listen to him serenade you whenever you’re in his room, have rough or vanilla sex whenever you two feel like it, and make out in his car for some time in front of your house before you leave him and see him the next day again. You two were so in love, but not quite together just yet.

On his last night in town, he made sure that you’re not going to be sad or feel lonely. “Three months will fly,” he says, keeping your body close to him, hugging you like you’re one of his pillows.

After Mark left, Johnny decided to be in your life again. It made you confuse. You don’t love him anymore, that’s pretty clear. But you don’t know why it’s hard to let go of the things you have with Johnny, is it because you’re used to the relationship that you share? You’re used to faking it in front of everyone?

You and Johnny were back to being ‘lovers’.

And this time, it’s you who’s cheating on Mark. It felt horrible. Back then, when you were the one who’s cheating on Johnny, you remember letting Mark getting the best of you felt like you were winning and free. Even though you know that Johnny loved and still loves you, you don’t feel happy anymore. You realized, that you love Mark. So much.

Johnny wasn’t satisfied with being present in your life, he really pushed you to your limits. You found out that your boyfriend asked for your parents' blessing because he’s going to propose after graduation. You knew because your mother was so excited about you getting married that she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

And he did propose. Not after graduation, but before graduation. He just couldn’t wait. The pressure from your family plus his family made you say ‘yes’ coldly, everyone celebrated. Except you.

You carry this burden until you graduate and until Mark comes back. Guilt was taking over you when you finally saw his handsome face again, welcoming him at the airport. But seeing Mark and feeling his presence again made you forget for even a second that you have a fiance, and sooner or later you have to tell him the truth.

“I’m having a party tonight. Everyone is back home, it’s really great. Haechan landed yesterday, Jaehyun came home last night. It’s perfect” he says excitedly to you, fidgeting on his phone texting everyone in one hand while his other is intertwined with yours. A party with everyone else means Johnny is going to be invited, and there's a big chance that Johnny will brag about your secret engagement. Fuck, you murmured.

During the party, you didn’t wear the ring and you made sure to keep Mark away from Johnny as long as possible. Good thing Mark was horny and ready to abandon his own party just to have sex with you. Even though you’re not in the mood for sex, Mark put you in the zone.

“I love you” it was not how you wanted it to happen but it’s true. He smiled sweetly to you and fucked you more. “I love you too” You were fucking on his study table, fully clothed but both a moaning mess when Haechan suddenly barged in with wide eyes.

You don’t know what’s up with Mark but he didn’t stop fucking you. It was so awkward that Haechan was still there, Johnny can’t know. “I didn’t know that you guys were together,” Haechan said, avoiding to look at what's happening.

“No we're not together,” you said trying to push Mark and Haechan left without saying a word. Mark knew that look, and he knew better. He called Haechan again and walked out of his room. He told Haechan not to tell Johnny what he saw, and of course, his best friend got his back.

Mark went back inside to you, mad. But also hurt. He can’t believe it’s happening again.

“When I went away, the guilt that I fucked my friend’s girlfriend stayed. I was guilty for so long and I never wanted it to happen again, that’s why I waited for you guys to break up! Just so I can do the right thing! Damn Y/n make up your mind! ” his shouts made you cry and weak. There's a lot to tell him but what’s happening right now is too much. You didn’t have a choice but to say sorry and leave.

You made sure that Johnny can’t see you leaving so used Mark’s backdoor and went home straight. Later that night, Johnny was shouting and yelling about his engagement to you. Mark and Haechan was shocked to the core. You were right, Johnny will brag.

It was a heartbreaking moment for you. Letting go of the person you love for the person you have to love. You stayed in bed for a whole day, not eating or drinking. Just letting the day pass by until you feel better. When you finally had the will to check your phone, there were a bunch of messages from Mark that may be full of anger or hate. You didn’t even think about opening it. Not a chance.

Wedding preparations made you get up in bed, you have no choice. Johnny’s mom and your mom, joined forces to help you decide for this wedding. Seeing yourself wear a wedding gown just makes you tear up in front of everyone. They were all completely clueless about the pain that you’re carrying, they thought it’s tears of joy. It’s not.

The wedding is still months away but you doubt that what you feel towards Johnny will change and go back to how it used to be. Sure, you loved the man. Loved. In the past tense. You just don’t want to disappoint anyone from now on.

One fine evening, after having a hot shower, you decided to read some of Mark’s hate messages and make yourself guilty even more. Maybe knowing that Mark hates you will make you feel somehow alive about this wedding.

But they were not hate messages. It was a bunch of messages, full of love and confession. Begging you not to marry someone you don’t love and be with him instead.

‘Don’t marry him, please’

‘Let’s make this right, I’m sorry’

‘I can marry you too’

TEN YEARS LATER

You jumped to the big hotel bed leaving your husband with the heavy bags. Seeing you so relaxed and not working your ass off is a relief to him. You saw him crossing his arms and leaning on the wall so handsomely, as always. Fate was on your side, thankfully. Over the years, you and Mark loved each other without limits. No more hiding.

He pours two glass of wine, remembering the first time you had sex during your birthday. “Here, happy Valentine’s day” he kissed you on the lips before you take a sip and made a mess again. He laughed and laughed and laughed at your clumsiness.

“The first time this happened, you can’t get enough of me” you scoffed and removed your dress shirt exposing yourself in front of your husband.

“And nothings change since that day, I love you”

#nct-writers #nct smut #mark lee smut #nct mark lee smut #nct mark lee fluff #nct mark lee angst #mark lee x reader #nct snenario #nct imagines #mark lee angst #smut mark lee

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misha-moose-dean-burger-lover · 5 years ago

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"Won't it suck, Cas?" Dean declares, as Castiel enters their room with bags hoisted on both shoulders, and elbows the door shut behind him - because apparently when you're pretending to date in front of your parents, sometimes they turn out awesome enough for you to get to - or, Dean supposes he should say, have to share a room.

Cas puts the bags down, next to their bed.

"Won't it totally, and completely, and really suck if our cover blew?"

"Who suspects what?" Cas turns, with a frustrated frown. Which soon flips to a planning, expressionless face. "Because I've still got some of those baking-stories left. I believe I can swing them into a conversation." Cas folds his arms. "And you should come with me. You tell them great, because it's the one thing which isn't a lie."

That - isn't completely fair.

A lot of things, at least as far as Dean sees them, have not been lies.

Dean does make Cas coffee every morning, sometimes takes it to his bedroom too, and Cas does do most of the shopping for the flat - there's this inside joke Dean has going with Cas's brother Gabriel, that the employees at Walmart are terrified of Cas because he once threatened someone over pie, which he never forgets, and Dean always gets so soft over that story.

They do share clothes sometimes, even if it's just ratty t-shirts they'll never wear outside, and they do have movie nights every Thursday where Dean comes up with amazing films and Cas unpreventably falls asleep in the middle of them. And they did name all of Cas's bees one night, drunk and dreamy on the balcony.

Sure, they don't fall asleep in each other's arms later, or do the couple-y things they've had to edit into otherwise real stories, but Dean thinks he makes up for it by being in all kinds of love with Cas.

Not that Cas knows, of course.

"Well, I don't doubt that you've got enough adorability ammo." Dean returns, grinning. "We are pretty cute, to be fair. And, nope." He clarifies. "Nobody doubts that we're not dating yet."

When opportunity had presented itself a couple weeks ago, at the beginning of December, Dean had found in himself just enough courage to ask Cas if he'd be okay with being his fake-date for New Year's, since he was spending it with the Winchesters anyways - adding hurriedly, that if Cas felt weirdly about it at all, he could drop the idea right there, and he'd quietly just go off in search of someone else and not bring it up again.

Cas had blinked at him a few times before saying okay, and what a wonderful understatement that had been because by the time they had to leave for Kansas, Cas was more invested in the program than he'd ever been.

"Yet?" Cas recoils, eyebrows knitted together. "What are you implying, Dean?"

What had started off as a means to shirk off lectures from his family, was now being treated like a mission. But as of the moment, sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed - Dean is happy. He's around the people he loves most, and well-fed on a heavy homemade lunch and two beers, and he's feeling light-hearted and brave.

"Tonight's fireworks night." Dean shrugs, trying to go for nonchalant and hoping he lands in non-shy, at the very least. "Out by the riverfront, sitting on blankets on the grass, and staring up at the night sky - the whole shebang."

"So?"

"People will probably expect us to kiss." Dean clears his throat, studying Cas's face for reactions. There's nothing for him there, but he doesn't stop staring. "And since we can't do that, we might -"

"I -" Cas interrupts, and maybe he's blushing a little. Jesus, Dean hopes he is. "I can."

Dean raises his eyebrows.

"Kiss, I mean."

And fuck that fucking fucker for not specifying that he can kiss Dean, because those words, strung together in a sentence and delivered in Cas's glorious fucking voice would've automatically sent Dean to paradise.

Dean's run out of things to say so he lets out a sound that's supposed to be the wordless equivalent of a 'huh'.

"I-if we had to." Cas adds, uncertainly. "Couldn't you?" He asks, and the ball is back in Dean's pitiable court.

"No, yeah." Dean supplies, and his voice cracks unhelpfully. He clears his throat and braves on to previously untraversed territory. "I could. Sure, I could."

That's one too many, and Dean wants to swallow his words back but Cas has already heard them, and there's a slow smile stretching slowly on his features.

"Then what's the problem?"

"It'd be obvious," Dean answers him, matter-of-factly. "Way too obvious that it's our first kiss. The, uh." He can't believe he's actually saying these words. "Being that close, basically. First times are bound to be weird - just the very newness of someone's lips on yours." He's goddamn rambling but he isn't going to be the first to acknowledge whose, either.

Cas's cheeks are sufficiently pink by now for Dean to feel a little bit triumphant. But then it's his turn. "You're not wrong." He begins, nodding seriously, in spite of his flustered voice. "It takes all couples a while to fall into rhythm. Sync up pace, get comfortable touching each other, and grow familiar with their partner's technique."

They're both just saying words now, and it doesn't really mean much - in fact, it's infinitesimal as compared to the lengths being exchanged by means of a long-held stare.

Questions are proposed within the silence, and permissions are granted in whispers.

"Not for nothing," Dean finally says out loud. "But maybe we should get the first time out of the way."

Cas steps closer, and there's a twinkle in his eye. "Maybe we should." Dean keeps on staring, his tongue shooting out to wet his lips. "Maybe, right away."

Dean stands up, breathing out traces of a 'yes' and Cas is right there. He's so close, and so gorgeous, and just that one inch shorter - so Dean can just lean in and Cas will probably go on his toes a little bit, and it'll be like they're meeting in the middle, and -

Dean's so lost thinking about it that he almost misses the first spark which goes through him like goddamn electricity in his veins, when Cas's hand cups his cheek, fingers splayed on his neck and thumb oh-so-close to his lips.

Dean can feel his breath hitch when Cas gently runs the pad of his thumb across the bottom lining of Dean's lower lip, and he doesn't have a single thought in his head except for Cas, Cas, Cas, as he reaches forward to grab the lapels of his coat and closes the gap.

He knows he's probably expected to ingest the intricacies of how the kiss feels - the details of Cas's taste and smell and touch; the curve of his lips, the stubble across his jaw, and his hand on Dean's face.

But far from mapping Cas's fucking technique - Dean can't even process when he's supposed to pull back. All he can do is stay, hands entangled in Cas's coat, and trapped between them, eyes closed but all other senses overly sensitive to everything Cas does.

It's not like he doesn't do his bit, but that's all instinct - his brain's signed out for the day, and this is just his nerves in command. It should be terrifying, feeling this lost - or more appropriately, afloat, in the middle of a kiss, but as their noses bump and lips collide, in slightly different angles each time they pull off to gasp for breath, it just feels right.

It feels real.

Their first kiss isn't just one kiss, Dean muses, as they separate finally but linger. It's an amalgamation of a thousand kisses, and a half a thousand breaths because Cas kept taking his away - and it's the way Cas's hand came to rest on Dean's arm, and Dean's fingers clutching a soft material which is more Cas than anything else he owns, and it's every little everything, and then some.

"Wow." Dean sighs, and he doesn't even regret sounding as overwhelmed as he does. "Cas, I - wow."

He's never been kissed like that.

Cas looks back at him a little starry-eyed, and proceeds to relax into a gummy smile instead of words - and it's happy, and lovely, and perfect.

"I might be wrong," He mutters, stepping ahead, and there's no space left, so Dean falls back to sit on the bed in surprise. "But second kisses can be pretty tricky too."

"Right." Dean scoots on backwards on the mattress, and Cas follows, climbing on the bed. "Right, yeah, with all the pressure from the first -"

"And the relatively newfound elements of intimacy -"

"And the -" Dean tries to add, but Cas is unbelievably kissable, just leaning over him, with his smile and his eyes and his hands, and Dean stops himself short. "We just really shouldn't risk it."

And that's all the preamble before he's pulled Cas over him, lips desperately seeking out all the right places to be, and their hands all over the place like they're trying to make up for years of tension in a single minute - but after a while, they're back to kissing slow and deep and warm, and he's wrapped his hands around Castiel's neck - and Castiel's fingers ghost over his spine every now and then, from where his hands rest on Dean's waist -

And it's everything Dean's ever wanted it to be.

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goldenkamuyhunting · 4 years ago

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Quick outline of the changes in Golden Kamuy Vol 24

Here is a general outline of the more relevant changes that take place in Vol 24 compared to the magazine. Note that as usual I won’t dig into minor changes or redraws unless they seem to be relevant for the plot or characterization (or I really like them).

So now let’s start.

WARNING: I hadn’t had the chance to check dialogues yet. I’ll probably do it during Christmas holidays. If there are changes in them that are relevant I’ll update this post as soon as I can.

We spend a moment on the cover, which, like the previous, shows us a character who has never appeared on a cover before and who’s also one of my fave, our charming Roger... I mean Kikuta Mokutarou.

It’s an action scene in which he’s making good use of his beloved Nagant while wearing Toni’s scarf... and he’s not alone on this cover.

Ariko is also with him, ready to fire at his opponent. The background is Sapporo as we can recognize the building as appearing in chap 232 when the characters are in Sapporo.

Really, I love this cover and I was hoping so bad to have a Kikuta cover...

Anyway this is our updated list of covers.

Noda please, give us a Boutarou cover as well!

We then move to the colour page.

It’s the image with Tsukishima and Koito that was used as a cover for chap 251. It’s a fitting image considering this volume starts with the chapter in which the cooperation between Tsukishima and Koito began.

A colour cover that was in the chapters included in this volume and that instead isn’t shown is the one of chap 234.

Maybe Noda will use it later.

No summaries for this volume. Pity.

This volume counts 9 chapters only and changes are pretty tame but, as usual there are additions of extra pages and panels to expand scenes that already were in the magazine version so we can better understand what’s going on and of scenes that are redrawn, either to improve their quality, correct mistakes or add to the plot.

Note I’m not going to add them all but only those which are plot relevant (or that I particularly like). Also no scanlations this time as the changes aren’t so characterization or plot relevant you’ll need to read a scanlation to get what’s going on. I’ll add a dialogue explanation though. Keep in mind I might be wrong.

Let’s start with chap 232.

We start with a new opening page for the chapter in which the box says we’re at Asirpa’s grandmother’s house near Otaru and we’re shown that Tanigaki is next to Inkarmat.

As many already know Noda has enlarged Tanigaki’s neck as he watched Osoma and changed a little his expression so, although I know Sensei pays a lot of attention in improving Tanigaki, I won’t show you that.

A line is added to Tsukishima’s dialogue. Now in addition to saying that it might be that Tsurumi doesn’t have a true goal he adds that it might be a lie that Tsurumi is acting for the sake of the dead comrades and for the prosperity of Japan.

Tsukishima’s memory of Tsurumi having finger bones now is enlarged and that shows clearly Tsurumi’s naked feet.

Naked feet had been used to foreshadow the death of a character so is this meant to hint at how Tsurumi too will die?

As everyone knows I’m partial for Ogata I’ll show him adjusting his bandages. I wonder, does he have the glass eye already and he’s trying to get adjusted to it?

Asirpa and Boutarou’ hair had been redrawn, which makes them better but it’s nothing big.

We move to chap 233.

After Ueji manages to disappear noda added more dialogue between Sugimoto, Shiraishi and Asirpa.

Sugimoto asks for confirmation that the boss they met was called Wakayama and Shiraishi asks Asirpa if she’s certain that guy said they would never be able to find the gold. Asirpa says that’s what it sounded like and Shiraishi asks what they will do now, wondering if they should go after the candy seller or continue to pursue the pirate. Sugimoto thinks he should have stripped the candy seller and Asirpa wonders if maybe she heard wrong.

Noda also expanded the scene with Boutarou and the old Ainu. Now Boutarou is no more heavily shaded at the start and his men are more active.

Pirate Boutarou’s main henchman (子分 ‘Kobun’) now has a name, Gontō Kōjirō (權堂公二郎は) and he’s better drawn.

The old Ainu says Boutarou won’t find the gold because his sons also went looking for it but it wasn’t anywhere.

Those are very good improvements, if you ask me.

Chap 234...

...continues the tradition of better drawing Boutarou’s hair (which are also often drawn longer than previously) and also gives him a better pose.

The postman also has a name now he is Nozawa Niheiji (野沢仁平治).

Shiraishi is definitely more worried when he meets Boutarou.

...but Boutarou looks even happier to meet him, while his reaction catches the captain’s attention.

The sailors are better drawn and there’s even a new small panel of a sailor trying to catch Sugimoto’s rifle.

Sugimoto gets an extra page in which he’s shown throwing the sailor off the boat...

...and then some more panels as he fights the other sailor as well.

Really Noda is so good at drawing fighting scenes...

He also expanded the scene of Boutarou talking to Shiraishi about Sugimoto.

...and redrew Gontou with the other henchmen, who’re shown wet because they too had previously ended up in the water.

Really, a lot of additions for this chapter and I love how Noda tried giving the henchmen some characterization now, despite them being merely plot devices.

We continue with chap 235.

I’ll say in the cover Noda better drew the water. It’s not terribly relevant though, so I’m not showing it, i just love the man for the care in this details.

Better image of best boy Shiraishi...

...but there are also a lot of images that are better drawn.

The order of the panels is switched a little as in the magazine the bandits would knock at the door, then we would see Shiraishi praying the boat would hurry then we’ll go back to Asirpa and the postman.

In the volume first we see Shiraishi and Sugimoto praying the boat would hurry then we go to the bandits knocking and then to Asirpa and the postman, with the scene mostly redrawn.

Noda actually put a lot of care in redrawing the postman who now to me look even more like Clint Eastwood.

The shooting fight also gets better drawn and so the boat crashing against it. But my fave redrawn is the one of Boutarou and Shiraishi cheering, which now shows a much more happier Shiraishi and a childishly cheering Boutarou. I love those two!

Noda then proceeds to show how Boutarou is very angry at the idea 3 of his men were shoot... which better explains why he took an anchor and attacked without regard for the people. Similarly to Sugimoto, when he’s furious he’s dangerous... and it’s possible he grew so angry because he was fond of those men.

We then see Boutarou take matters (and an anchor) in his hands...

Another redrawn is in the Boutarou/Sugimoto confrontation.

And with this to chap 236 we go.

Again, some scenes or expressions are drawn better here.

Plus we get some redrawing when Boutarou explains things.

We’ve a new panel of Sugimoto turning down Boutarou’s idea.

Then we get more interaction between Boutarou and Sugimoto as Sugimoto’s reveal of his past now involves more Shiraishi and Asirpa.

And we better dig into Boutarou’s connection with Sugi.

Sugimoto’s expression after he pet the cat is much more dramatic...

...his eyes losing their light.

Chap 237 continues expanding things.

We get a flashback in which Boutarou remembers the cigarette case was Heita’s.

The volume shows us the gold is a lot more than the one we see in the magazine version.

The scene about Botarou trying to kill Sugimoto and Shiraishi is expanded.

Boutarou seems genuinely shocked when Gontou is hit by the spinning wheel, stretching is hand as if he were wishing to bring him aid.

Differently from teh magazine he won’t be smiling when he tries to drwon Sugimoto...

...and the two will fight a lot more. Sugimoto tries to kick Boutarou a lot and Boutarou uses his long hair to tie Sugimoto’s foot and pull him down.

It’s beautiful and definitely worth buying the manga.

We are at Chap 238.

A small panel about Asirpa explaining Sugimoto about Heita.

We’ve then more interaction between Boutarou and Asirpa.

I find interesting how again we’re show Sugimoto saying hinna but not Asirpa.

And so we reach chap 239.

Jack/Ostrog’s face is still kept in the dark at first, but his clothes are much more visible. The battle between him and Usami is expanded and sorry, no, I’m not going to show it. Still Noda is more comfortable showing him, his face partially visible (and Kikuta too as his eyes were back in the magazine).

And it’s when Kikuta see him we’ve the big reveal and it makes A LOT MORE SENSE having it here than as late as it happened in the manga. And honestly that lateness feels it was due to Noda not having chosen yet how to characterize him.

We can also see that on his genitals there’s a birthmark... which explains why Kikuta comments on getting a look on his face and member, because now he can recognize him either by looking at his face or by looking at... something else.

So yeah, Ostrog/Jack stops being a dark silouette.

Noda let us hear his thoughts after he killed those two women.

We’ve a flashback from Kikuta, showing Jack/Ostrog’s face and how he had a birthmark in a... peculiar area, which is why Kikuta remarked it was relevant he saw it.

And now we move to the last chap of the volume chap 240.

Ostrog is now clearly visible where before he was just a dark shadow.

A new panel showing how Kirawus... well, he didn’t quite disguise himself, albeith he did something, he tried to sell fireworks.

Another new panel showing how Kadokura in his disguise, can’t pick up coins.

When Ishikawa explains about Jack the Ripper Noda added people walking in the image of the city he drew and also showed a nespaper talking of Jack. The writing on the newspaper explains how in Japan the case became a hot topic in 1888 and how in 1900 they started to call the killer ‘Kirisaki Jack' (切り裂きジャック “Jack the ripper”).

We’ve another image of Ostrog/Jack when Ishikawa talks about him.

And we finish with the last page which shows the faces of Ostrog and Ueji.

And that’s all.

Well, actually no. The one thanking the editor is... I’ll let you see for yourself.

And that’s all for this volume. While there’s nothing drastic in terms of new content, it better flashed out the relationship between Boutarou and his underlings, giving a name to the main one of them, better showed how Boutarou fought underwater and handled Ostrog/Jack WAAAYYY better than the magazine version where it seems Noda remained undecided on his character design for a much longer time and that’s why he obscured his face, making the reveal pretty anticlimatic as nothing big justifying it happened.

Here instead it’s just perfect so really, I recommend you to buy this new volume of Golden Kamuy, either in Japanese or as soon as it comes out in your country!

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youare-mysonshine · 5 years ago

Text

who knew || oscar diaz

Summary: Prophets do a drive by shooting at Oscar’s house and reader is caught in the crossfire.

Requested: Yes!

Pairing: Oscar Diaz x Martinez!Reader

Warnings: Gun violence, blood, character death, graphic depictions of death and blood. Angst, angst, angst lmaoooo

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: so, this was sitting in my request list and I just couldn’t not write it. I’m sorry for the hurt I’m going to cause don’t hate me lmao. Also, there is mentions of blood and death. Heavy mentions of that. So if this is something that triggers you, please don’t read or proceed with caution. I hate myself lol

——-

“Here, papas.”

You walked over to your boyfriend, handing him a cold can of beer before assuming your position on his lap.

It was a nice Saturday evening and you were spending it with your boyfriend at his house - the house was full of nothing but Santos, their girlfriends or people who just hung around the gang. Some music was playing, some people were dancing, some were just chilling and talking. It wasn’t a party, but it definitely felt like it.

“Gracias, mamita.” Oscar took the can of beer from you and opened it, taking a considerable drink before resting his hand on your thigh, keeping you close to him.

You and Oscar had been dating for a good while - you had grown up knowing each other because of your siblings - your younger brother, Ruby, was his younger brother, Cesar’s best friend. And He also knew your other younger brother, Mario. The two of you had begun to date a little before he went to prison and stayed together during and after. You’d been there for him through a lot, you stuck by his side through a lot and Oscar knew that he’d found the true definition of ride or die.

You never turned your back on him, never. Not even when your family tried to get you to leave him - he understood it. When he got locked up, when he was sent to prison, your parents wanted you to have nothing to do with him. He wasn’t mad because he knew that he couldn’t give you the life you wanted or deserved. But you defied your family, you stuck by his side and you didn’t regret it. His family was still skeptical, iffy about the relationship, but they had learned to accept him.

Ruby wasn’t as scared of him as he used to be because he saw you two together - he saw a different side of Oscar when he was with you. And he and Cesar were low-key happy at the possibility of becoming actual family in the event that you two marry, which you were definitely going to because neither of you could see you spending the rest of your lives without one another. And Mario, well Mario had always been a good friend to him and he was just happy that his sister was happy.

Cesar loved you from the get go - he had known you because of Ruby, but then you started coming around more anymore when you and Oscar started going around. Even when he was in prison, you took care of Cesar. You made sure he was clothed, fed, made sure he got to school, made sure he had money. You took care of him like he was your own and that made him feel safe with you. You and Oscar were truly the only parental figures he’d ever known.

As the night progressed, everything was going great, it was fun. You were laughing, smiling, having a great time. Oscar was deep in conversation with his homies, though his hand would squeeze your thigh on occasion though, and it’d have you squirming or gently nudging him because of how ticklish you were. It never failed to bring a smile to your lips.

“Shut the fuck up, liar. I don’t snore.” One of the Santos’ girlfriends said, pushing her boyfriend, glaring at him, though you could make out a smile pulling at her lips. You and Oscar both laughed, your head falling on his shoulder.

“Aye, you know who else snores? This one right here.” Oscar pointed at you and you looked at him with your mouth wide open, though your were still lightly laughing. Your eyes were sparkling, and Oscar loved it. H’d never get tired of your eyes, or your smile. Your laugh.

“What? Callate, mentiroso! I do not snore. It’s your ass that snores in my ear all night.” You said, nudging him with your elbow. Oscar’s smirk softened into a smile and he nodded. The way he looked at you never failed to make your heart flutter. It never failed to give you butterflies. It was like the very first time each and every time.

“I know, I’m just fuckin’ with you mamas.” He reached a hand up, cupping your cheek. He pulled your face down to his and pressed your lips together in a soft kiss. Oscar would also never tire of your lips. How soft they were. How they moved against his so perfectly, so in sync. How they fit perfectly with his own like they were his missing puzzle piece.

The Santos that were near the loved up couple began hollering, cat calling and whistling.

“Aye, get it Spooky!”

“We gettin’ a baby Spooky sometime soon or what?”

“Look at this foo, all in love and shit!”

You both pulled away, a blush starting to creep up your neck, your cheeks and all the way to your ears.

“Yeah. In love. And what?” Oscar countered at his homies, a little smirk on his face. He never shy about how he felt about you. He let it be known that he loved you. That he was yours and that you were his. How could he not show you off? He wanted everybody to know he had the best girl. He didn’t think of it as him being weak - he was more of a man for being able to show that side of him, for not hiding it to seem cool in front of his homies. And that was what you loved about him. He never switched up on you.

Shaking your head, a smile on your slightly moist lips, you moved off his lap. “I’m gonna get some chips from inside.” You said. “You want anything?” You asked your Santo, then turned to look at the group of Santos you were sitting with, asking them the same. A few of them asked for chips as well, so with that, you turned on your heel and began to walk over to the porch steps that led up to the front door.

It all happened so fast.

You all heard the sound of tires screeching as a car rounded the corner. You turned around and saw a green car rolling up. No one had any time to react, no one even knew what the fuck was happening until it was too late.

“Prophets bitch! Fuck Los Santos!”

The sound of bullets hit your ears. It sounded like fireworks but they just kept coming and coming, never stopping for a second. People started screaming, running for cover, bodies hit the floor.

As soon as Oscar heard the bullets begin spraying his house, as soon as he saw that neon green car, his immediate thought wasn’t to get down for cover. It was to find you. To find you and make sure you were safe. Some of the homies he was talking too had hit the ground, blood beginning to pool on the ground below them. Some of them were shielding their girlfriends or each other for the bullets. Some of them had pulled out their own weapons and began firing back at the Prophets.

“Y/N!” He yelled out, voice deep and panicking, in the midst of the chaos. “Y/N..!”

And then he saw you. Laying on the concrete ground with a deep scarlet beginning to pool around you.

You didn’t know how to react. You didn’t even have time to react before your felt this burning pain in your upper shoulder and your chest area. And then you were falling to the ground fast first. You could feel a warm, sticky liquid beginning to wet your skin and you barely registered it as your blood. You were bleeding. You were shot.

“No. No no no.. Y/N..” Oscar rushed over to you, aware that the sound of gun fire had ceased and all that was left in it’s wake was frantic screaming and crying. All that was left in it’s wake was absolute chaos and destruction. And you’d been caught in the middle of it.

Oscar turned your body around to you were on your back and it was like his entire soul just left his body. He could feel the color draining from his face, the panicking really beginning to set in when he saw the gunshot wounds on your body. Your body, your clothes were stained red, only growing wetter by the second. Your eyes were open and you were struggling to breath.

“Y/N, baby. You keep your eyes on me. You keep your eyes on me, okay? Don’t stop looking at me.” Oscar instructed you, not bothering to conceal the panic in his voice. His shaky hands pressed down on your wounds, trying to stop the bleeding but it just wouldn’t stop. It just kept gushing out and it was staining his hands.

“S-Shit! Shit! No no, baby.. Call a fucking ambulance!” He yelled out to whoever was listening.

It hurt. It hurt and you felt like you couldn’t breath. Like you were underwater and you were drowning. The pain had started off dull. This dull burn that began to grow hotter and hotter. Your hazy eyes were locked on your panicking boyfriend as he did everything in his power to keep you from bleeding out but you could feel yourself starting to slip away. You could feel how weak you were growing.. your eyes began to close.

“No! Y/N keep your eyes on me! Damnit, keep your fucking eyes on me!” Oscar sounded like a lost, scared little boy. Not the tough, scary cholo that everyone was afraid of. No, in the moment; he was the one that was afraid. He was watching the love of his life slip away and there was nothing he could do.

 That sparkle in your eyes that he loved so much was starting to fade away into nothing and it killed him. It fucking killed him.

“Y/N, don’t close your eyes, baby. Please. No.. No! Y/N”

The last thing that you saw before your eyes finally closed was Oscar’s broken face, the tears that fell from his eyes, as he pleaded with you to keep your eyes open.

———

Oscar was numb. Absolutely numb.

His hands were stained in your blood. His t-shirt was stained in your blood. And the look on your face as you laid there, choking on your own blood, desperately trying to keep your eyes open, was engraved in his head. There was nothing he could do to get that memory out of his head. Nothing.

He heard the sound of rushed footsteps and ‘Where’s my baby? Where is she?’ And as he lifted his head, he saw your family rushing down the hallway. Geny and Ruben had looks of worry on their faces, your mom had tears flowing down her cheeks and your dad looked just as frightened but he was clearly trying to be strong for your mom. Your Abuelita was in tow, holding onto the twins’ hands. And Ruby, Ruby followed behind his parents with this scared, terrified face.

Oscar stood up when he saw your family rushing forward and they all stopped short when they saw him, when they saw the state that he was in - covered in your blood. Scary amounts of it.

“Oscar.. what happened to my daughter.. what happened to her?!” Geny demanded, by her sobs broke through and his own demeanor cracked. Geny turned to her husband and buried her face in his chest, holding onto his shirt as she cried and cried for her young daughter. Abuelita stood back with the twins - they were confused, unaware of what was going on, why their mommy was crying, why everyone was scared, so she tried her best to make them feel at ease, to comfort them

Oscar, with tears blurring his vision once again, looked at Ruby as he sauntered forward. The young teen looked at all the blood that should’ve been in his sister’s body, not on her boyfriends clothes, and let out a shaky breath of air. “She’s gonna be fine, right? She’s gonna live?” Ruby was desperately looking for that comfort. He wanted to so badly believe that his sister was gonna be fine. That she was gonna be okay. Oscar wanted that too. No. No, he needed that. The heartbroken Santo gave a nod.

“Yeah. Your sister is gonna be just fine, alright?”

———

The entire family and Oscar stood when the doctor came walking forward and Oscar felt this dread in the pit of his stomach at the look on his face. Cesar had shown up at the hospital after Oscar had called him and told him what happened. The kids were all there, supporting Ruby. Your dad had called Mario and told him what had happened and Mario promised he’d be there as soon as humanly possible.

“Dr? How is she? How is my daughter?” Geny asked. The doctor let out a saddened sigh and it was like Oscar couldn’t breathe. Like he was dying too.

“I’m sorry.. we tried to do everything in our power to save her but the bullets did too much damage and she lost a significant amount of blood. I’m sorry.” The cry Geny let out was heartbreaking, utterly gut wrenching. She fell to the ground and Ruben went right down with her, holding his wife all the while tears streamed down his face.

Ruby started crying, shaking his head saying she couldn’t possibly be dead. Monse, Jamal and Jasmine were right there - hugging him. Comforting him.

But Oscar. Oscar lost it. His body hit the wall and he slid down to the floor, his legs having gone completely jelly. He could feel his heart physically breaking into a million pieces and it was the absolute worst feeling. Cesar was right there beside his brother.

“Oscar..” The younger Diaz murmured. Oscar shook his head, refusing to believe it.

“No.. No, she can’t be dead. She can’t.. she can’t be.. dead..” He started crying. Actually crying. The Santo buried his face into his hands and cried, his entire body shaking with this pain he never knew before.

He’d dealt with the loss of a mother who preferred drugs over her own children. The loss of a father who walked out on his kids. He’d dealt with losing friends before. But this.. this was something that just killed him. Crushed him completely. The pain was indescribable. The image of your face in your final moments.

You had just been smiling, laughing, having fun. He’d just kissed you! He had just kissed you and now.. you were dead. You were dead and nothing was gonna bring you back. That was something that he had to live with and deal with for the rest of his life.

Cesar wrapped his arms around his heartbroken brother and hugged him. Hugged him close and didn’t let go. Oscar didn’t push him away. He leaned on his baby brother for support, hanging onto him as if his life depended it.

Memories of your times together over the years replayed. Your first kiss, your first time having sex, the first time you both said I love you. Waking up to your face in the mornings when you’d stay over. Memories of you two just laying in bed together and doing nothing, talking about the future. Your future.

Oscar was never gonna have that again. With anyone.

You were gone.

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bigfan-fanfic · 3 years ago

Photo

Kost Aban as a Companion

(Face Claim: Brant Daugherty) Kost Aban, Road Dad of the Inner Circle and Magesmith for the Inquisition. He’s charming and sweet, and he’ll handle requisitions so you never have to worry about that Requisition Officer ever again. Also he makes travel snacks as well as serves as a portable weapon and armor crafting station. Did I mention he’s romanceable?

Companion Name: Kost Aban (lit. “Peaceful Ocean” in Qunlat) Race, Class, and Specialization: Qunari Mage (Rift Mage) Varric’s Nickname for Him: Shiny (for his horn ornaments) Default Tarot Card: Page of Wands

How He Is Recruited: His adopted human son, Roland, a young man of about 22, will rush out into the plaza in Val Royeaux on the first visit and request the Inquisitor come meet his father. Kost will immediately offer his services as a magesmith to the Inquisition, as well as his son’s skills as an apprentice. If the Inquisitor is a Qunari, he will also mention that sometimes it helps to have a friendly face around that one doesn’t have to look down to see. Where He Is In Skyhold: With his son, Dagna (and conditionally) Harritt in the Undercroft. He can generally be found talking smithing techniques or occasionally insisting Roland and Dagna go get refreshments and sunlight because they’ve been working too long. If he is recruited, he will also set up a cozy-looking sitting area/lounge in the Undercroft. Things He Generally Approves of: Upgrading Skyhold, completing Dagna’s sidequests, not siding with the Qunari, showing mercy Things He Generally Disapproves of: Siding with the Qunari, executing prisoners, siding with the Templars Mages, Templars, Other? As a mage himself and a former Saarebas, Kost definitely approves of siding with the mages and giving them freedom.

Romanceable? Yes, by any gender or race. Friends in the Inquisition: Blackwall, Sera, and Cole. He befriends Sera through Dagna, Blackwall because of their shared enjoyment of crafting, and Cole because Kost can’t help but adopt the kid. He becomes friends with Iron Bull if the Chargers are saved. Small Side mission: Collect 10 dawnstone and 10 bloodstone. Kost will Greatly Approve and unlock schematics for Magewrought Weapons

Companion Quest: Kost is happy to have his son working with him but wonders whether Roland might prefer a different career or perhaps to attend the University of Orlais. He once caught Roland studying magic books and worries that he’s pressuring him into apprenticeship. He asks the Inquisitor to speak to Roland instead. When confronted, Roland admits that he’s been studying magic books so that he can tinker and improve his prosthetic arm, but he didn’t want to offend his dad, who spent years working on the magical formulae. He asks the Inquisitor not to tell.

Option 1: Tell Kost - This will net Great Approval from Kost and Cole, and Kost will talk to Roland and say that he couldn’t be offended that Roland is so interested and asks for them to proceed together with the tinkering. Father and son embrace and thank the Inquisitor

Option 2: Cover for Roland - The Inquisitor has the choice of telling Kost that Roland was merely curious about the process of magic or lie and say the magic books were hiding naughty material. Either way Kost will agree to let the matter drop.

Cole’s Reflection on His Thoughts: “The mask is gone and the bonds broken, burnt away and banished. My voice shall never more lie lost and leashed, locked away behind bars of word and deed.” Comments on Mages: “I know what it is like to be born different, and I once knew nothing more than imprisonment and shame for what I was. I have nothing but sadness to know that even here, others share my fate.” Comments on Templars: “If your protector is also your jailer, I think you have somewhat of a conflict of interest.” When looking for something: “Listen... there is something...” When finding a campsite: “Allow me to whip up a little something from these field rations.” When he is low on health: “I will not make my son an orphan again!” When he sees a dragon: “Not that I’m saying we should fight it, but... I could make some seriously good stuff out of dragon bone and hide.” Default saying: “Do you think Roland’s doing alright?”

Travel Banter:

Vivienne: So, Ser Aban. I have heard much of your magesmithing techniques. The Formari believe you are usurping their dominance over the market. Kost: I’m afraid, Madam, the Formari are mistaken. I happen to make useful items, not decoration. Vivienne (amused): Indeed? Then you must prize function over form in your pieces. Kost: Of course. I want to keep people alive, even at the cost of fashion. Vivienne: Some costs are worth dying for, darling.

Kost: I didn’t get the chance to thank you, Blackwall. Blackwall: What for? Kost: The extra firewood. My forge requires more than a normal smithy to stay working, and you provided. Blackwall: Wasn’t for you specially. I... I like chopping wood. Kost: And teaching my son how to swing an axe played no role? Blackwall: Oh. Kost: Too many people treat him as though he’s useless. I saw how happy he was with you. So as I said. Thank you... for the firewood. Blackwall: ...you’re welcome. Kost: There’s a magewrought sword with your name on it when we return to Skyhold.

(If Cole was made more human) Kost: You don’t have to handle everything, you know. You changed, right down to the core. Cole: I am fine. Kost: Sure, sure. Just as long as you know you don’t have to be. We’ve got you, Cole. Starting with rest. I got you a spare blanket - I’ve seen you shivering in your sleep. Cole: But I don’t- Kost: I’ve seen what you do for people. You’re not invisible anymore, you know. So it’s time you let someone else help you. Do you mind it if it’s me? Cole: I... th-thank you.

Iron Bull: You don’t like me much, do you? Kost (sarcastically): I didn’t know you were going for universal popularity. Iron Bull: Ha. You talk like one of these Orlesian bigwigs. Too important to waste time on mercs? (If the Inquisitor is a Qunari) And what about being “a friendly face,” huh? Kost: You won’t get a reaction out of me, Ben-Hassrath. Iron Bull: Even a lack of reaction is a reaction. Kost: Fuck you. How’s that for a reaction?

Friendship: “Ah! Come here for a shield or a cup of tea and some chat? Either way, I’m at your service.”

The Fade

How he reacts: “Oh, I’m not enjoying this at all.” Their Tombstone: Bereavement What the Fears look like: Himself in the mask and chains of a Saarebas What the Nightmare says: “The so-called peaceful ocean. I’ve been watching you for years now. The eyes of the Qun are everywhere and now, there’s nothing you can do to deflect their gaze.” Their reflection about the Fade: “Never again. Never.” Hawke or Warden: Depends on Hawke’s actions. If Hawke sided with the Chantry in DA2, Kost will suggest that they are responsible for the Qunari improving their foothold and force and believe they should atone in the Fade. If not, Kost suggests the Qun’s respect for Hawke is one of the only things keeping the Qunari from invading and believes they should escape the Fade.

The Wardens

Their feelings: Believes the Wardens make hard choices to save the world from the Blight. Exile or Allies?: Allies

The Ball

How they feel: “It isn’t my first ball, but I’m surprised at how many people I know, here. Babette de Launcet just tried to poach me from the Inquisition!” Where they linger: The garden balcony, near the bard singing in Orlesian Are they good at the Game?: He’s not great at being fake, but he is good at schmoozing, especially since his smithing skills are an avid topic of discussion. What people say about them: “Did you see the Magesmith walking by? So tall and dashing...””You do realize he is a Qunari, don’t you?” “My dear, that’s all part of the appeal. Imagine those burly muscles sweating at a forge...” Gaspard, Briala, or Celene?: Briala, or Celene with Briala - he fears Gaspard in power most of all, and he’d hate if war broke out between Orlais and Ferelden with the Qunari lurking at the borders.

Temple of Mythal

Rituals or Hole?: Rituals Agree with the Elves’ bargain?: Agree. Morrigan or Inquisitor for the Well?: The Inquisitor

Comments on Canon Romance

Cassandra: “The Seeker? A worthy choice. Though... I can’t help but wonder whether she’d choose love over duty should the time come.” Dorian: “Dorian? That must be fun - I hope he doesn’t criticize the patterns of your britches!” Sera: “Roland likes Sera - I think you two will get up to all sorts of mischief together.” Iron Bull: “Bull? Well... you do remember he was a Qunari spy, right? Never mind, I’m sure you know what you’re doing.” Josephine: “Don’t you hurt her, Inquisitor. She’s a wonderful person and a light in this world.” Cullen: “You know, I can craft certain soft lamps for the night. I’ve seen the look of a man who doesn’t sleep much on his face. Perhaps it will help.” Blackwall: “Tell me, I’m curious. Is the beard scratchy?” Solas: “D’you know, he hates tea? Suspicious, if you ask me.”

Sexual/Racial preference: Any race or gender. Nickname for PC: Little One Romance only mission: (Can only be completed after Kost’s love confession) A cutscene featuring Kost and the Inquisitor in bed plays, involving a pillow talk discussion where Kost says “I love you.” The Inquisitor can choose to say it back or not, and ask about his past. The conversation finishes with Kost suggesting marriage would be more than acceptable to him, although he wouldn’t pressure the Inquisitor into it. The quest involves speaking to Kost’s son Roland to get his blessing to propose to Kost. The Inquisitor must perform a War Table mission to get Roland some parts to aid in the proposal, which will affect the next cutscene. If Cullen is chosen, Roland will be given some explosives and dyes and he will shoot fireworks during the proposal. If Leliana is selected, smoke pellets will be given and Roland will make a clockwork smoke machine to give a mystical air to the proposal. If Josephine is chosen, Roland will meet with some bards and make a music box to play while the Inquisitor proposes. The Inquisitor will then meet with Kost in the Skyhold garden at night and propose, choosing dialogue options that are sweet, nervous, or humorous, all resulting in Kost accepting the proposal and promising to marry the Inquisitor and love them forever - once Corypheus has been dealt with.

Dialog to being asked for a kiss: “Did you come down here just for this? How romantic... I must make it worth your while, little one.”

Halamshiral dialog: “Of all the magnificence in this palace... I can say without exaggeration that nothing compares to you.”

Being asked to dance during mission: “Josephine would kill me if I kept you from some diplomat or duke. But I shall gladly sacrifice myself once you have made your rounds.”

Asking to dance post-mission: “I- I warn you, little one, I’m not very good. But I’d do anything for you.”

What Cole says about companion to PC: “There was always darkness behind the mask, both of the masks he’s worn. But now it is safe and soft. Now there is you.”

Who is concerned about the relationship?: Vivienne. Josephine (for political reasons)

Who supports the relationship?: Blackwall, Dorian, Cullen

Who had a bet running on it?: Cassandra, Sera

Banter(between NPCs):

Vivienne: (after the romance only mission) I understand I am to offer you and the Inquisitor congratulations? Kost: We are engaged, yes. Vivienne: I do hope you understand what you are doing. Kost: I understand that I am in love. I understand that I am loved in return. And I understand that political considerations do not matter to me when I am with the Inquisitor. Does that satisfy you, Madam? Vivienne: Satisfy? No. Please me? Quite. I wish you every happiness.

Blackwall: You’ve... been around a while, haven’t you? Kost: Er... yeah? Blackwall: And the Inquisitor doesn’t mind? Not that it’s a problem, not that I think it’s a problem or anything, just- Kost: Ser Blackwall, do you have your eye on someone younger than you? Blackwall: What? I- where would you think tha- no. Kost (teasing): Fascinating. You blush right through your beard! Blackwall (groaning playfully): Oh, piss off!

Sera: You and the big man, eh? Hehe, because- Kost: Sera. You’re not subtle. Vivienne (if present): My dear, your lack of tact is simply appalling. Sera: Rolly likes you too, yeah? You better not hurt his dad or you know what? Kost: It’s arrows, isn’t it? Sera: Arrows!

Flirt options: Upon reaching Skyhold and unlocking the Undercroft, Kost will be ecstatic at the sight of the new smithing area and the Inquisitor can say he looks adorable when excited. This opens up a dialogue option later to begin romancing him.

If PC breaks it off: “Ah. I- uh. Of course. I hope I haven’t done anything to offend you. I shall continue to help the Inquisition as best I can.”

Love confession: Kost will ask to take a walk with the Inquisitor and they will end up on the battlements. Kost will talk about his life as a smith and as a father and say that he never seemed to end up with anyone to love and romance... until the Inquisitor. He says he hopes he didn’t read the situation wrong, but that he has fallen hopelessly for them.

Romanced tarot card: King of Pentacles

End game dialog: “Isn’t that something? No matter how hard I tried, I could never forge something as beautiful as a sunrise. I could never capture that kind of beauty. And yet... it is nothing compared to your face. The sun rises and sets each day without fail, but I promise to be even more constant for you - I am with you.”

#kost aban #inquisitor as a companion #dragon age #my ocs

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minijenn · 4 years ago

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First 20 Lines

Saw this floating around tumblr and while I wasn’t tagged in it I still wanted to try it out all the same

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories. See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!

So thing about this is I don’t have THAT many unique stories, so I’m gonna do this with my last 20 chapters instead, going from most recent to least recent. Enjoy!

1. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 41: The Quest for the Key To Return Hearts! (still a WIP as of this post)

The Gummi Ship’s cockpit rests in a state of unsteady, uncertain silence, silence that’s only permeated by the soft ongoing rumble of the vessel’s engine, and the various low beeps and chirps of its control panel. Donald and Goofy exchange a worried glance upon realizing that the third noise that had permeated the air has grown silent; that Sora’s no longer pacing around the back half of the ship as he’d been before.

2. Legacy - A Keys to the Kingdom Oneshot

They run across the shoreline, leaving small footprints behind in the sand in their wake. Their shared laughter echoes across the beach, as bright and warm as the sun shining down upon them both. The girl eventually catches up with the boy, barreling into him and knocking him down into the shallow waves as she falls along with him. They're still laughing as they land in the water together.

3. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 40: Dig a Little Deeper

The night sky is peaceful and quiet, as still as it ever is, at least until a bright shape suddenly streaks across it. It goes unnoticed by most, and those who do catch sight of it simply pass it off as a shooting star. But what none see is when this "star" touches down in a lonely corner of the city, an armored figure letting its glider disappear as soon as it reaches the ground.

4. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 39: Almost There

"You know the thing about good food?" her father asked, a kind smile on his face. "It brings folks together from all walks of life. It warms them right up and it puts little smiles on their faces. And when I open up my own restaurant, I tell you, people are gonna line up for miles around just to get a taste of my food."

5. Universe Falls - Chapter 85: Opposites Attract

Pacifica was realizing more and more that she still had a long ways to go before she got used to the practice of "hanging out".

6. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 38: So This Is Love

The call each of the Keys to the Kingdom carries is a clear, distinct one. They beckon to the heart in an unspoken voice, whispering in worlds where those Keys lie waiting, though never telling how exactly to find them.

7. Universe Falls - Chapter 84: Crack the Whip

"All right, we may be awhile," Pearl announced as her and Garnet stepped up onto the warp pad.

8. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 37: Broken Chains

There are three things that happen all at once:

9. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 36: Return to Depart

Aqua can't believe that she'd nearly forgotten how beautiful the stars are. She's completely mystified by them from the moment they all return to the Mysterious Tower.

10. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 35: Distorted Reflection

"Sora!" Riku's distraught cry echoes across the Dark Margin.

11. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 34: The Realm of Darkness

Despite their disheartening loss of a Key back at Beast's Castle, the group returns to the Mysterious Tower to some surprising news, to say the least.

12. Universe Falls - Chapter 83: Greg the Babysitter

After the seemingly endless torrent of stressful chaos that came along with the events of the past week or so, between what transpired both in and outside of the Nightmare Realm and what followed it, a day meant solely for simple relaxation was more than welcome. Even if that day was still spent working while that relaxation happened.

13. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 33: Song as Old as Rhyme

"Kill the Beast!"

14. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 32: Tale as Old as Time

Before setting out from the tower with his fellow lights, Riku had decided to seek some much-needed advice from Yen Sid and Mickey about exactly how he should proceed as the group's new leader.

15. Universe Falls - Chapter 82: Played in Reverse

With a few days of distance between everyone and what happened in the Nightmare Realm, the Pines and the Gems alike had begun focusing their efforts on picking up the pieces of the aftermath of it all.

16. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 31: Destined Reunion

From the very moment the trio finds out they've been summoned to the Mysterious Tower for a meeting, Sora knows he was in trouble.

17. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 30: Recuérdame

By the time Sora, Donald, and Goofy make it to de la Cruz's tower, the musician's fiesta has cooled down a bit, with the dense crowds of attendees starting to thin out as the night wears on.

18. Universe Falls - Chapter 31: Theories of Weirdness

Connie was breathless as she raced up the stairs leading to the temple, her heart racing less from exhaustion and more from rising dread above all else.

19. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 29: The World Es Mi Familia

The cold, solemn silence filling the mausoleum was a stark contrast to the ironically festive din of the graveyard surrounding it. The booming celebratory fireworks had given him just enough cover to quickly break into the revered structure and as he crept inside it, he made sure not to disrupt the trail of carefully-laid marigold petals leading up to the stately stone coffin before him.

20. Keys to the Kingdom - Chapter 28: Firsthand Experience

He'd always hated this world, ever since his first brief venture here over a decade ago. It was far too lively, far too colorful, far too bright to the point that simply being in it practically made him sick.

I’m not gonna tag anyone so hhhhh feel free to give it a whirl if ya wanna :3

#wow this shows i certainly have been neglecting one fic in favor of the other #im sorry im sorry #but ya gotta strike that inspiration while its hot #and thats exactly what ive been doing #jen writes #universe falls #keys to the kingdom

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akirakurusuimagines · 5 years ago

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de[F]ect

@p5auweek day six: Future/Android AU (NieR: Automata)

For reference: 10B (Joker), 15O (Oracle), G18 (Reader), Pod 451 (Mona)

The Bunker was a cold, emotionless place. The grey-scale and monotonous design only furthered that depressing analysis. YoRHa unit 10B despised staying in the Bunker unless it was absolutely necessary, much preferring the endlessly blooming life that he found while on missions on Earth. His heart, though he did not have one, yearned for the color, for the animals, for the history humanity had left behind. He pressed his forehead against the glass, his body reading the drastically cold temperature and attempting to get him to move, but he didn’t mind. He held his visor loosely in one hand, letting his grey eyes absorb the beauty of the Earth from Space.

From what 10B knew of humanity, they didn’t appreciate the beauty of their world enough⁠— one of the very reasons why there were only a scarce number of humans remaining, residing in their comfortable homes on the Moon, waiting for the day where battle units such as himself would completely eviscerate the machines, and subsequently, aliens, in order for them to return to Earth. 10B scoffed, a sarcastic smile twitching on his face as he stared at his own reflection, messy black hair and fair skin, a complete reflection of the same dull tones he hated. He doubted there would ever be an end to this war, but alas, such comments would never fly if the Commander got a hold of it. He would surely have his memory wiped and body reconstructed.

“Helloooo!” A light voice sprung to life in his head, surprising him for a moment before realizing who it was, and sighing as she began to whine, “Bunker to 10B! Pay attention to your operator!!”

Upon realizing it was her, he quickly put his visor on, once again covering his eyes in a veil of black. “I read you, 15O. What is it?” 10B responded in a monotonous tone, betraying the thoughts he pondered over.

“The Commander wants to talk to you. Don’t worry! It’s nothing bad,” 15O explained, a smile on her face, “I’m sure it’s just the new mission she wants to put you on! I know you want to go back to Earth as soon as possible, sooo… I may have mentioned that you wanted to run errands.” He watched her brightly colored hair bounce as she talked, sitting improperly on her chair, looking as happy as ever, talking to him. Though he was jealous of her unique defect that helped her stand out amongst the swarm of YoRHa units, he also pitied her, knowing she would never experience Earth firsthand. She didn’t mind, naturally, finding herself much more comfortable in her little cubicle, talking solely to him and to their Commander.

10B stared silently at 15O for a moment before breaking his composure, offering her a smile and a soft chuckle. “Read my mind, huh?”

“Of course! I know you like the back of my hand. So come on, get going already!”

“Thank you,” he gave her one last smile before she ended the call, turning back to the large window and glancing at his reflection one last time. “It’s showtime.”

10B exited the Flight Unit as hastily as possible, landing on the grass, his trusty pod immediately hovering over his shoulder, ready to provide assistance, though he paid it no mind. His mission was rather simple in theory, but he knew the Commander didn’t mind if he took some extra time on Earth, especially if he were to make use of that time by strengthening YoRHa’s bond with the Resistance Camp.

He decided to make his way there first, having long since memorized the way, in order to grab some intel on this supposed obsolete YoRHa unit that was spotted by a scanner. If he remembered the Commander correctly, his target is a gunner⁠— one of the prototype models that became the baseline for battle units like himself. Frankly, he was curious to observe this unit, even though he was aware his mission was to neutralize them as defected androids were always considered a threat to the existence of YoRHa and to the 12th Machine War overall.

Regardless, he needed information to even find them, so 10B made his way inside the lively camp, feeling much more at home in this area than he ever did in the Bunker. Many androids, some deformed, others in perfect shape, greeted him, once again grateful to see his return, as it usually meant they would gain some traction in their businesses. 10B did like to keep his weaponry (and pod) as updated as possible, considering his frequent encounters with machine lifeforms that, more often than not, required dispatchment.

“It’s been a while,” the calm and collected voice of the resistance leader, Anemone, called out to him, “the Commander updated me on the situation. You want to know where that YoRHa soldier is, right? I did you a favor and rounded up as much information as I could. Here, I’ll send it to you.”

10B wasn’t exactly surprised⁠— Anemone was incredibly reliable, so it figures that she would’ve prepared as much intel as possible for him already. “Thanks,” he shifted his weight between his legs and twisted his dark bangs in front of his visor, “is there anything you need me to do in return?”

Anemone chuckled, but waved it off. “No need,” she said, “you helped us out more than enough last time. We still have plenty of supplies.”

Though a bit disappointed, 10B gave the leader a curt nod before racing out of the resistance camp, aimlessly wandering near the rivers while his pod processed the information he was given.

“Report: The wanted unit was last spotted near the abandoned amusement park,” the pod’s unusually high-pitched voice announced. “Analysis: YoRHa unit 10B should examine the amusement park for further clues on the whereabouts of unit G18.”

“Thank you, Pod 451.” 10B raised his gloved hand and gently rested it on top of the pod, petting the assistant and smiling at the content rumble it made.

10B didn’t often visit the abandoned amusement park, preferring the bright greens of the forest, though he did appreciate the grandiose use of lighting and what his pod referred to as “fireworks”. He walked slowly inside of the amusement park, his fingers twitching, holding himself back from pulling out his weapons and attacking⁠, noticing how peaceful the machines themselves were. It was strange, but considering the number, it was better that he didn’t instigate war here. Even as a specialized combat unit, he didn’t need to return to the bunker this early to repair damages caused by a swarm.

“Hypothesis: unit G18 is hidden somewhere in the area,” the pod abruptly spoke as he wandered deeper into the heart of the amusement park, the music blaring from the speakerphones dying down as he approached the empty area, popped balloons and scattered confetti littered the floor like corpses. “Proposal: unit 10B should proceed with caution.”

No sooner than the pod spoke did 10B just barely dodge an incoming flurry of quick bullets⁠— undoubtedly YoRHa. Machines weren’t capable of such things. “Pod!” 10B commanded, “Activate M Shield!”

“Understood.”

The pod’s voice was barely loud enough to hear compared to the incoming bullets, hitting every possible target in sight. 10B was stuck on the defensive, as irritating as it was. He continued to look around, paying particularly close attention to the shadows that the android was certainly hiding themselves in.

“I knew it was only a matter of time before YoRHa sent one of their pretty and shiny new androids to kill me!” you yelled from your perch, aiming the gun you were equipped with with great precision and skill, watching as the walls behind 10B crumbled, trapping him in there with you.

“Since when was I going to kill you?!” 10B snapped back, “I want to talk!”

“A battling unit has no need for talking!”

10B grit his teeth, locking onto you with his pod before racing towards your shadowed figure, gripping his knife tightly, hoping to subdue you enough so you wouldn’t try to blow his face off.

You effortlessly dodged, hundreds of years of experience surviving on one life compared to a normal YoRHa unit’s ability to upload their memories to the server coming to your advantage. However, you did underestimate 10B’s abilities, not realizing the reason that he didn’t have a partner despite being considered a serious threat by the Commander was because of his incredibly versatile abilities and quick adaptation to situations.

In the end, you two were left at a standstill, no matter what one did, the other effortlessly countered or dodged, the entire situation becoming increasingly frustrating to 10B. He really did only want to talk, for now at least.

“Pod,” he spoke in a soft voice as to not attract your attention, “activate gravity.”

“Commencing program.”

10B watched as you tried to dodge the force of gravity that the pod unleashed where you were, only to be sucked right back into the center of the dome and pinned to the ground under the crushing weight, trying to move but failing. He rushed over and securely pinned you down, keeping you stuck there, defenseless.

“Just kill me already!” You seethed, passing off your fear as rage as best as you could. You didn’t want to die⁠— of course you didn’t. No one would remember you, nor your comrades if you did. You had to live, somehow.

“I’m not going to kill you,” 10B promised.

His pod, however, immediately interjected. “Inadvisable⁠—”

“This is an order, pod, stay quiet.”

“....”

“Good,” he sighed a breath of relief, looking sternly at your time-worn features. “I’ll let you go if you promise not to shoot. I was serious when I said I wanted to talk.”

Nodding, you could only watch in amazement as he sat up, keeping his promise. You were tempted to run, every circuit in your body telling you to, yet you felt it would do him a disservice, considering how he was going against direct orders to spare your life. The least you could do is heed his request.

“I… I want to know what it’s like,” 10B began, speaking slowly and carefully, putting thoughts to words in a way he’s never done before.

“...What’s like?”

“Being here on Earth without any obligation to YoRHa or the resistance.”

“Are you thinking of defecting⁠—?” you stared at him with wide eyes, sitting up slowly. When he didn’t answer, you pressed your lips together, trying to figure out how to best explain it as he shed his visor and discarded it, staring at you with such wide, interested eyes. “It’s peaceful. Of course you have to fight and scavenge to survive, but I’ve done it for over a hundred years, so it’s not impossible, but… it’s good. Machines are rather friendly when you meet the right ones, you’re free to go wherever, do whatever, it’s freeing.”

“I see…” 10B’s gaze caught on the black visor and he frowned, not wanting to leave his Operator behind, but at the same time, intensely desiring to break free from the suffocating chains of YoRHa. Perhaps he would grow to regret it, in which case, he would return to the resistance camp to be executed. However… “Pod,” he spoke it to life, watching as it whirred with uncertainty, “remove me from the Bunker’s server.”

“Invalid command.”

“Overridden. Do as I say, pod.”

“…” the pod flickered, clearly hesitant. “Initiating sequence.”

“What are you doing?!” you exclaimed, exasperated. “You’re insane!”

“No, I’m not,” 10B replied coolly. “Pod, while you’re doing that, get me on the line with Operator 15O.”

A few moments passed before 15O’s voice buzzed in his ear. “Aww, I never thought you’d be the one to call me!”

“Listen to me, okay?”

“Why? What’s wrong?” 15O’s voice quivered slightly.

“I’m not coming back,” 10B said.

“What?”

“I’m defecting. You have nothing to do with this. Commander won’t punish you. …I’ll miss you.”

“Wait, you can’t⁠—!”

10B hung up abruptly on her, sighing, his eyebrows pinching together. He was worried about her, but he figured Commander would simply wipe her memory anyways, saving her pain.

“You’re just going to leave everything behind?” you asked, completely astonished. Every YoRHa unit you’ve come across was always completely devoted to their service, and yet, this strange unit, who was supposed to kill you, immediately chose to run?

10B laughed softly and rubbed the back of his neck as the pod announced the minute it had left to completely cut his ties to YoRHa’s server, making him appear dead. “I suppose so. I… I want to live⁠— I’m tired of fighting a useless war.”

“I see… in that case… will you come with me?”

“If you promise not to shoot me again,” 10B stood up and offered his hand to you, which you gladly took, smiling for the first time in who knows how long.

“Command completed,” the pod spoke, interrupting the moment of strange tenderness between the two of you. “Pod 451 will remain at unit 10B’s aid.”

“...Thank you,” 10B was relieved to hear it.

Shifting topics, you glanced up towards the night sky, where the fireworks continued to go off, one after another. “Let’s go, they’ll come searching for your body quickly.”

“Understood⁠— woah⁠—!” 10B exclaimed, not expecting you to dash off while still holding his hand, causing him to lose his footing for a moment, and yet, he couldn’t be happier. Who said androids didn’t have emotions?

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liaswritesrobots · 5 years ago

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Hiya! Could i request brainstorm and his human crush gushing over his new invention when he blurts out his feelings for them? Thank you!

"BEHOLD!" Brainstorm shouts holding up a cube shaped contraption, "What do you think y/n?!"

"Iiiiiit's... square?" You give a confused smile.

"It's not square, it's a cube! And also a calculator! And a bop-it! And a video recorder and projector! And- and this is the best part- a gun!" He says closing his fists and bouncing eagerly, his wings fluttering, and a gleeful look in his optics that reminds you of a playful golden retriever. You're pretty damn sure if he had a tail he'd be wagging it.

"That's incredible Brainstorm!" And with that, you've done it, you activated his sleeper agent.

He strikes a pose, one where he stands tall and places his servo under his chin with his index digit out and his thumb pointed up with a look of pride, it reminds you of one of those stereotypical anime poses that a cocky but silly hero would pull right after doing or saying something impressive. His wings are still wiggling though.

You giggle at the sight and his optics shoot open, "Don't worry, I'm not laughing at you, well I mean, I kinda am, but like... not in a bad way." You say waving your hands.

A look of relief washes over him, then he goes back to excited as he rushes over to the table you're standing on and places the cube beside you, "Wanna see how it works?!"

He doesn't wait for your answer before he's showing you secret buttons hidden on the invention, showing just what to press for the calculator. He then presses a different hidden button and you hear "bop it!" to which Brainstorm proceeds to slap his servo down on the cube and you hear another "bop it!" He then presses another button, which transforms the cube into a rifle.

"I... you really meant it when you said it was a gun huh?"

"Yep! Cool right?" He asks, the look in his optics says he's awaiting your validation.

"Yeah. It's impressive how you made something that can transform like that. Did you use a t-cog to make it?"

"Yes! A modified one! It was in some junk Percy had laying around the lab, all broken and rusty, so I fixed it and decided to build something with it!" The tip of his wings are wiggling wildly now, they look like they could take off without him, "Of course I had to figure out what to make and what better than a gun slash calculator slash bop it slash video camera and-"

He continues on, beginning to explain all the scientific details, some of the words he uses are rather cybertronian in nature so you don't recognize them. You begin fiddling with the rifle, keeping away from the trigger of course. You accidentally press a button and it transforms back into the cube. A light blue screen displays above it and a recording begins playing.

It's Brainstorm, pacing back and forth in the lab and mumbling to himself. He looks so serious... so distraught. You can hear him say your name in the recording, and how he needs to make something that would impress you and make you finally love him the way he loves you.

The real Brainstorm scrambles and almost trips as he throws his arms across the cube, panic in his now wide optics. If he could sweat he'd probably be sweating bullets. "Ignorethatthatwasamistakethatwasn'tsupposedtorecordit'snotrealpastmedoesn'tknowwhathe'stalkingaboutyoudidn'thearslag-"

"Brainstorm?" You cut off his nearly incomprehensible babbling, "Do you... do you have a crush on me?"

He freezes, optics scanning the room frantically, a small vent of air leaves his mask, "I uh... maybe." He tries to be vague.

You smile at him, "It's alright. I have a crush on you too."

His optics focuses on you, no air leaves his mask this time. His spark flutters and his wings jiggle. Did he hear you right? Did you actually just say you liked him too. He hops up and makes a sound as if he were clearing his throat. You look at him, hoping you didn't mishear the video or that you've somehow upset him in your confession.

"HOLY SLAG REALLY!?" he shouts in a mix of shock and excitement.

You're not sure what you expected but it wasn't that, "Yes really." You laugh.

"Oh frag! This is happening! Oh oh I gotta tell Percy! Nautica! Chromedome!" He says with his servos on his helm, "Holy slag I didn't think it was gonna be this easy. Of course it's this easy! I'm brilliant! I don't know why I ever doubted you'd wanna be with me!" He says quickly pacing back and forth.

"Brainstorm." You once again snap him out of his thoughts, "Lean down."

He walks to the table and leans close to you. You stand up on your tip toes and grab his mask to balance yourself, you place a small kiss on the mask.

His optics practically have hearts in them as it feels like fireworks are going off in his spark. He scoops you up, bringing you to face level, "Do that again!" he says, "I'm gonna need more kisses for uh... science."

You laugh and comply, covering his mask with kisses as his wings go wild and he gets a content look in his optics.

#macaddam #maccadam #Brainstorm #Transformers #IDW Brainstorm #IDW #TF Brainstorm #fluffy ending #asks #Anonymous #fluff #you can have a lot of fluff...as a treat #my writing #scenarios #drabbles #ficlet #long post

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reimahowaido · 4 years ago

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Spyro: Reignited review part 3

We're moving onto Peace Keepers~ And getting ever so closer to the point of where I've never played myself. In fact I feel like we are at that point now, but I have still seen other people play a bit further, to Ice Cavern I Think, as the first realm from here, but I'll talk about that a bit later on. So, Peace Keepers! The music over here, it's very atmospheric and I love it a lot. It really gives off that military kinda feel. These people are the fighters, they're tough etc. etc. The place itself looks fairly basic, but that's alright. It's a new place, there's not like, a huuuuuge amount to explore, but the first area does become very familiar really quickly. Especially because of..... That jump. Oh my God that jump. Behind the portal to Toasty, you have to use a cannon to topple some rocks and then jump to get to the other side of the ravine to another area. It's a lot smaller, but you do need to get to that area. Oh, and if you fall? You're dead. No recovery, you're just dead. God. So many lives lost to that jump. It was so hard. It made me go to youtube to see how it was done because I just wasn't sure if I was doing something wrong or if it was about the switch or what. But it was because of that jump that I figured a handful of helpful things. Firstly, Peace Keepers is super good for life farming. Since you get one of those orbs everytime after you kill an enemy you've already defeated before, and Peace Keepers has a ton of easy to defeat enemies right at the start of the level, it works out great~ Another thing is that I could press a button to go to the menu or guidebook or such, and select to travel to another world whenever I failed the jump to the other side and was about to fall to my death - because this way I don't lose a life~ Hahaa! I cheated! But seriously, do you blame me? That jump. It was really freaking hard. The last thing I got from that was that charging & then jumping usually gives me a little bit of extra height so that's been great and helpful. Now I can make that jump relatively constantly (although not 100% of the time still), but I'm not looking forward to when the jumps become more and more precise, I'm kinda scared for when that happens. I already know I'm threading some of the levels that others mentioned as being hard, so.... Oh boy...

Night Flight! Ok so my first thought after getting to the other side of that ravine was to enter any and all levels that were on that side of the jump (which ended up on just being 1 singular level) as I didn't want to have to make that difficult jump ever again if I'd somehow fall and die or something and be forced to struggle with that jump again. So Night Flight it is! And.... Oh boy... the controls. The controls are my enemy. I never completed any of the Flight levels as a kid I think. It was always my brother, he completed all of them. So I'm a complete amateur here. And I suck. Left and right? Yeah I can kinda manage that. Up and down? But the buttons are kinda reversed? Oh shoot Oh no oh my god uhhhh. It takes a bit to get a hold of these. Sometimes I manage, but sometimes I don't. And good lord. I don't know if the Flight levels are supposed to be easy or hard, but I'm struggling. That 3rd box is such a pain. And I don't always even make it to it. I think the longest I've lasted and managed on that stage so far is completing the first 2 sets of things. I keep missing stuff, the up and down controls feel weird and disorienting, turning is stiff and I keep accidentally pressing the turning around button and sometimes stuff just, happens and doesn't happen. It's not easy. I've only gotten like a 24% on that stage so far I think and I'm glad that they're not mandartory to proceed to the next world, so far at least. Pretty sure they're required for the 100% and Gnasty's Loot, but for now. I'm. Just gonna put the Flight levels to the side and.... trying to not stress over them Dry Canyon! First of all! I love the purple sky! It's a very nice color and I looooove it. The level itself is pretty nice too, I can handle it pretty nicely. Enemies aren't bad, I'm finally getting a hold of the jumps and gliding... Things are good~ Until they're not. Some jumping and gliding, we've got issues and hard times again. We struggling. It's good that I absolutely adore the music here, (it was my first time hearing it I think) because by god would I be hearing it for a looong time. The jump to Maximos, I nailed that on the first try~ Somehow, with some magic~ Niiiiice~ But then I died, or left the level. Either cheated and traveled to another level to avoid dying on the last minute, or accidentally stepped on the 'warp home' portal when trying to make the same jump that proved to be super difficult - but the point is that I lost the key next to Maximos and had to struggle after failing to repeat that miracle and it wasn't exactly fun. Running through the level over and over again, this is when I opened the controls and setting menu, either for the first time (or I think I had looked at them before with the PK ravine) and deployed the map just so I had even a little slight tiny idea as to where I was going. In the end we did make it. And with the help of Sparx and youtube, we found the side cave and the last gems were added to the counter. The level ain't bad, it just took a bit for things to work out. Mostly those jumps and gliding. Boris: "Dry Canyon rewards good gliders! You Are a good glider, eh Spyro?" Me: "No." Spyro: "I was.... Born to Glide!" Me: "No Spyro, I suck at that stuff. I'm not good at it bro" I think this level was my first interaction with the fireworks too, I forget but either way, my first interaction with them was dummy. I just stood there next to them like 'I was supposed to stay here right, so that I'm right in the middle to catch all the gems, that was the plan, right?' Wrong, buddy. When the fireworks/explosives go off, the thing pushes Spyro back, obviously. Don't stand next to explosives kids, we learned to step away today. Peace Keepers 2.0 So we back at the mine homeworld to finish stuff up after the whole key fiasco to figure out the key stuff with Peace Keepers. There was a key here and because of shenanigans like leaving the level or dying I no longer had the key. So a couple struggles with the ravine jump, entering Night Flight, failing and returning to the necessary side of PK through that, I

kept failing the jump needed to get to that cave the key went to and either cheated and traveled away to not die, or indeedly died. Kinda sucks how you place such punishments at the proximity of hard jumps eh? Yeah. Anyway, struggle, but we made it, we got to that cave and - oh right did I mention I lost the key? Well I didn't actually realize that until I had already made that jump and was in the cave and didn't have the key anymore. So I had to do it all, again. Not a good time. Nope. But in the end, we got 100% in PK, good stuff, we can move on

#Spyro #Reima gaming and makin' some reviews I guess

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xellshun · 4 years ago

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DXM

So here’s a little something I like to talk about from time to time. For starters, I am a sociopath, if you don’t know what that is then look it up if you want because it’s a lot to explain. But let’s just say this means I’m incapable of feeling things like empathy, remorse, guilt, and shame.

So with the fact that I am emotionally and mentally colder than normal people, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel other negative feelings. With that being said I have gone through my fair share of drug and alcohol abuse and over the years there was one drug that just seemed to solve everything that my disorder couldn’t. For some, it’s meth, for others, it’s pain pills, and for some, it’s alcohol. I’ve tried basically everything, I’ve even tried drugs that don’t have names yet. But there was one drug that just stood out from the rest.

The drug has many names and terms associated with it - Tripple C’s, Robo Tripping, The Poor Man’s PCP, and so on... But for me, I stuck with the simple name - DXM.

Before I share my story I do NOT condone the use of this substance and will encourage anyone reading this to steer clear of it. The purpose of this is just to share my story.

I won’t ramble on about when my abuse started or why I began abusing it. This is more focused on the experience itself. SO! DXM stands for dextromethorphan. What is it? Easy, it’s cough medicine. Yeah, childish right? Well for me it didn’t matter and what makes this drug so dangerous is the fact that you can buy it anywhere without a script, it’s extremely cheap, it’s not illegal, and doesn’t show up in drug tests...

I won’t go about giving details about the unique routine I perfected over the years to get high off of this drug because I don’t want anyone reading this to copy it and end up fucking killing themselves or anyone else. Not that I give a shit but I won’t have that coming back on me. I will also not be mentioning dosage amounts, what brands I used, where exactly to get them, or how much this stuff costs. But what I will go into detail about is the high itself, what I felt, and what it was like. And if, for some reason, YOU decide to try this shit. Do it at your own risk. I used my own body as a test rat before I figured out exactly how to achieve my desired high without causing myself or others harm and I’m fucking LUCKY for that...

So let’s begin:

Stage one - The preparation dosage. I would always start out by eating a well balanced meal, making sure I had a means of getting fresh water, accessibility to a bathroom in case I got sick, a way of calling for help if needed, and I always made sure to seclude myself. I would then begin dosing up. Taking so many at a time on a strict schedule over the course of 30 minutes. After that I would wait for the first plateau of the high to take hold. The first stage is pretty mild. The first effects you’ll feel are a mild form of numbness throughout your body, your lips will begin to tingle, your vision will begin to become slightly blurred, and you’ll feel an overall sense of euphoric calmness. Once this stage was finished I would proceed with the next. But This stage was a must. Taking more than what my routine called for too quickly would cause me to get sick which would ruin the high. The goal of this stage was to push my body far enough under the influence that my stomach would then be unable to feel the fact that I was overdosing on a substance it would recognize as poison.

Stage two - The waves of calmness. Over the next hour or so I would slowly begin taking waves of this medicine in quantities that amount to half, equal to, or times 1 and 1/2 as much as the first dosage. How I felt as each wave kicked in would determine how much I would take on the next. This would be enough to take me to a level of intoxication between the second and third plateau of the high in a couple hours with the climax of the high hitting around hour 3. At this level I would feel a physical numbness in my skin equal to what you would feel on a high dose of pain pills. At this stage I would also experience my favorite part, the emotional and mental numbness. It wouldn’t matter how I was feeling before I would get high, it would feel as if every negative feeling inside my heart and mind would just slowly fade. Just imagine in. Imagine that no matter what discomfort you are feeling. This high will make it all go away, leaving you in a state of harmony... Along with that, this is the point where visual and auditory hallucinations begin to kick in. They were never anything scarry, nightmarish, or anything that would cause me to go out and randomly attack someone because I though they were lizard people. No, hallucinations are actually very timid and for me, amusing. I remember a time I was outside at 2am having a smoke, I looked off into the distant fields near the park and track just beyond my yard. And I remember seeing fireworks flying into the air just passed the tree line about 200 yards away. They didn’t look like normal fireworks and there was no sound. If you’ve ever watched the first Lord of The Rings movie where Gandalf is shooting off fireworks in the shire, it was similar to that, they looked like they were alive. A lot of my hallucinations were filled with lights that appeared without a source, they would dance and zip around the room like bugs and would even form the shapes of tiny people who would wave at me. Another common hallucination is what I like to call “sand people.” It’s where I would stare into space and right before my eyes, particles and clumps of colored sand would appear in front of me. They would move around slowly forming all kinds of shapes. If I wanted them to vanish I would just shake my head and let them reappear. So at this point, the high was overall very calming, there was no pain, no fear, no stress, no anxiety, no depression, no sadness... It was just pure... Peace... For each person I imagine the things you see and hear will be different, but these are just examples of the “pros” of the high for me.

Stage three - Beyond the safe zone. As you can probably guess, there is a fourth plateau. This level of the high is where it can become frightening and possibly even life threatening. BUT I’ve gone to and far beyond this level. There were only a handful of times where I considered calling an ambulence but never did. Not because I wanted to die, but because I was in such a messed up state of mind I just said “fuck it.” Anyways, so during these days where I decided to send my soul to a parallel universe I was, thankfully, alone because at this point the side effects become so intense that it’s impossible to hide the fact that you are CLEARLY fucked up on something. During the second and third plateau you’ll start to experience dificulties walking and talking, much like you would with alcohol but it is slightly different. Anyways, at and beyond the fourth plateau these side effects become very strong. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to slowly crawl to the bathroom because I couldn’t walk. Not only do you become very physically impaired but at this point you will begin to loose your grip on reality. The hallucinations will become so powerful that you will experience temporary fits of delirium and psychosis. Yes, I’m serious.. For me it was like having a messed up dream that made no sense but I was wide awake and watching it play before my eyes but I was also inside the dream outside my own body... This made everything very confusing and often times I would also go through moments where my brain would race so fast that I couldn’t focus on anything... Literally. I called this side effect “The Haze.” Things would only get worse too. Slowly I would start to feel my bodily functions just... Turn off... Like I was breathing and alive but only with the most basic functions. I called this stage “Zombie Mode” because it was pretty much a mode where the lights are on upstairs but no ones home. Ready for the frightening side effects? Yeah, haven’t got there yet... Imagine you get your body and mind so far under the influence of this drug that one of your eyes LITERALLY AND ACTUALLY shuts off temporarily. Yes, this is a very real side effect that I have witnessed, temporary fucking blindness... Oh, how about uncontrollable muscle spasms that are so random and strong that it literally feels like invisible people are grabbing you and shaking your limbs? Or how about if every time you try to move, your muscles are so disfunctional that it actually feels like you have dead meat inside of you, just sitting there, weighing you down. Not only this but the hallucinations can, at this point, become nightmarish. For me, I was so used to it that I always just closed my eyes, covered my ears and would tell myself “It’s just the drugs, it’s just the drugs, it’s not real, don’t freak out, just let it wear off!” And I can’t even begin to tell you how confused and delusional you become at this point. At this stage it becomes a battle of mind over matter. So unless your pretty fearless like me, this stage might cause real harm... So yeah, it kind of feels like your body is slowly shutting down and dieing underneath you without the pain or suffering. It’s a side effect called “Ego Death.” The only GOOD part about this stage is that the physical, emotional, and mental numbess are still present and very strong. So a lot of times I was still very unmoved by what was happening to my body. This is a level I do not like to go to because of the negative side effects. The small amount of times that I did reach this point was for one simple reason, I was just too high to know any better before hand and took too much too fast. Oh and guess what else? You can’t have sex on this drug. Men can’t achieve erections, women can’t get wet, and neither can reach orgasm. At least not without the help of other drugs. So don’t plan on fuckin’ while you trip out on this shit... And let’s not forget the come down!... It’s not that bad, haha. There’s no hangover waiting for you after the come down too. The come down is just very slow, you’ll feel your bodily functions start to turn back on, things will become more clear, the feeling in your skin will come back in the form of a tingling feeling, your inner organs will start to become warm (yes you can feel it). You’ll have waves of what feels like...(How do I describe this)... Ever seen the Poltergiest movies? I think it’s one of those... A scene where someone is pulled from the fucking ghost dimension from a portal covered in fucking slime? Yeah, kind of feels like that. I call it the “Rebirth” stage. And yes, you will sweat out layers of the drug. It will be a cold and abnormally thick sweat though... Hence the slime reference. BUT at the end of the road, no hang over, no headaches, no upset stomach, you just... Go back to normal. Often times I go into a deep sleep for 12 hours and wake up feeling at 120%. So I guess you could say the come down could be both negative and positive? Depending on your opinion? For me the come down was very soothing so I never hated it..

So that’s just a glimpse into what I was going through for what was about 4 years. Those four years happening during the development of my disorder, ASPD, as well.

So why did I do it? Besides the fact that it was readily available, cheap, legal, and untraceable.... It was the mental and emotional numbness that I fell in love with... It’s not that the drug was bringing me any one type of feeling... It was the drug taking all my feelings away and allowing an overwhelming sense of peace and calmness over take me. It was my escape from reality. My way out. It was like mentally getting into a rocket ship and just blasting off into space on an adventure in my head. In fact, often times I would simply follow my own rules, get high, sit myself down in front of my TV and play video games. I would get immersed in the games and forget about the struggles of real life...

Oh and just another fair warning for you all. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT EVER mix this shit with ANY other substance, especially alcohol!! I promise you it will end badly, trust me, I would know...

So what the fuck does this have to do with my disorder and the fact that I’m a sociopath? It was just another way of completing myself. I already have a lack of many emotions due to my disorder, so for me, it was finishing myself off. Making myself completely void of any and all emotion.

Do I think this drug had any kind of effect on making my disorder worse?.. It’s possible. But their were many factors that caused my disorder to get worse over the course of the last 7 years since it started to develope. So it’s hard to tell.

Do I think this drug has caused any permanent damage to me in any way? That I’m not so sure about either. I’ve done my own research on this drug and there just isn’t alot of solid information on it because this isn’t a drug that is commonly brought up when you think of individuals suffering from substance abuse. It’s just not up there on the high ranks along side substances like opiates, stimulants, and alcohol.

So what kind of drug is DXM anyways? It’s what’s known as a dissociative anesthetic hallucinogen and is commonly compared to hard drugs such as PCP and Acid. Does this mean when you take cold medicine you could get high on accident? No. At proper dosages cold medicine acts as a cough supressent. You have to overdose greatly in order for it to act as a hallucinogen.

Am I still currently using this drug? Yes, but very rarely. I only use it when I know 100% I can do it safely, without being noticed, without hurting myself or anyone else. And since I am currently on probation with just one month left and also attending counseling... Well let’s just say I keep this shit strictly to myself and do it very secretly. The last thing I want is to end up back in jail. So don’t be concerned, you don’t have to worry about the possibility of a sociopathic guy running around town high off his ass in the middle of the night... Do I want to stop? Yeah of course. Relying on a fucking drug to feel “okay” kind of fucking sucks. Will I stop? I don’t know... Only time will tell...

So.. Is it addictive? Yes and no. Not in the same way that heroin and meth are. You won’t get withdrawal symptoms after coming off of it...

It’s more of an addiction to the “lack there of” when it comes to your emotions and mentality...

It doesn’t give you what you want, it takes away what you don’t want...

And for me, during my darkest hours of life, that is exactly what I crave...

#sociopath #aspd #drugs #addiction

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