#and probably my last cause i'm bad at keeping a schedule

[ylangelegy]

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ take my word for it ♡︎ jeonghan.

── .✦ jeonghan uses futureme.org to schedule send you e-mails until june 25, 2026. here are some of them. ⋮ happy hannie day, everyone! 👼 + lowercase intentional. format is mm/dd/yy. can be interpreted as romantic/platonic.

💌 09/27/24 ... "ha! i bet you thought you heard the last from me, huh? you won't be able to escape me that easily. hehe. you'll be getting more of this, but i won't tell you when you'll be getting them 'cause otherwise it won't be a surprise. i can already imagine the look on your face while you're reading this. don't frown; you'll only get wrinkles."

💌 10/03/24 ... "you probably expected i'd have an e-mail scheduled for tomorrow. but i can't have you expecting these little messages, can i? eat something good on my behalf. i'll know if you don't celebrate my birthday~"

💌 10/13/24 ... "you once asked me if i would feel bad about the boys touring without me. honestly? i still don't know the answer. ㅋㅋㅋ sorry if that's underwhelming. but one thing is for sure— they're going to do well. make sure to keep an eye on them! just because i'm gone, it doesn't mean you can stop watching them!"

💌 12/28/24 ... "it's the week between christmas and new year that's always weird, isn't it? it's because you're sandwiched between two holidays and time doesn't seem real. i hope it's not too cold wherever you are. as for me... well, you can just check the internet for the weather in my place. hehe. belated merry christmas, advanced happy new year, and everything in between."

💌 02/04/25 ... "i'm sure you're going to get a bunch of valentine's greetings and flowers, so this is me beating all of them by greeting you on february one (suck it, losers). as for flowers? here: 💐"

💌 02/14/25 ... "(of course i'd still get you real ones. duh.) (unless cheol didn't get the delivery right. if that's the case, i'll kill him.)"

💌 04/01/25 ... "Hello. This is PLEDIS Entertainment. We would like to provide an update on SEVENTEEN member Jeonghan... who misses you lots. 🤡 ㅋㅋㅋ happy april fool's! i almost wanted to joke that i would be coming home early, but i think that would make you really upset. be thankful i'm feeling nice as i draft these up."

💌 05/26/25 ... "ten years? criminal."

💌 07/13/25 ... "hey, hey, hey. today's a very important day! do you know why? i'll give you some time to guess. if you get it wrong, i'll be very upset. there's a second mail that will come tomorrow, so make sure you get the answer right~"

💌 07/14/25 ... "spoiler alert: yesterday was just a normal day. ㅋㅋㅋ i just wanted you to think of me. did it work? i hope it did. because i'm sure that i'm thinking of you right now."

💌 09/27/25 (1) ... "wow, time really flies. one year down, one year to go. i still have a couple more of these up my sleeve, although i'm sure that doesn't surprise you. anyway. eat well, okay? and take care. that's a threat."

💌 09/27/25 (2) ... "sorry. i always forget to say the words that matter the most. but you know what they are, don't you?"

💌 10/04/25 ... "fuck it. miss you. there."

[beneatheaven]

video call sex with soobin

lowercase intended, 1,764 words, haven’t proof read

smut under cut, minors do not interact

sitting down at your desk with all your project work out, ready to go over it with your partner, soobin. you both decided to do some over the call working sessions together along because of his busy schedule. this being the first one. it kinda pissed you off, with all the free time on your side, it felt like you could finish this sooner on your own. but it's whatever, he's really smart so maybe he can carry for the both of you guys.

you receive a text saying he's ready and on is on discord. opening up the app on your laptop, and joining the call. noticing he had his camera on. you could see his room in the background. his bed nicely made and there's a pretty shelf with all his little figures. it's kinda cute, coming from him.

"hey, are you ready? oh why isn't your camera on?". his voice brings you back. "i didn't know that was apart of the agreement. why's yours on?" you say harshly. "well just so that we can see if either of us get distracted, keep each other on track.". hmm maybe he has a point..

you don't really want to turn your camera on, you're in your loose tank top and shorts, ready to sleep sometime after this. now noticing what he's wearing, he's just in a white tee and probably some grey sweats huh..."okay i'll turn it on."

after 40 minutes of going over the subject and how to equally separate the work load, you're focused on getting all the information you can for today. you had half of your screen soobin's camera screen and the other half your school work, so did he. this also being his idea, making sure that you guys could keep an eye on each other.

this wasn't so bad, soobin made a nice study playlist for guys to listen to at the same time. thinking it would've kept you distracted, but it kept you very concentrated. possibly preferring this over being in a quiet library together.

"um y/n your.. your um strap." looking down at yourself and lifting your strap back up and into place. you didn't have a bra on either so it felt extra exposed. "thanks, sorry about that." you felt a little shy about it. "no worries, um did you want to take a break? we've been working for over an hour and a half." you agreed and moved some of your things to the side.

soobin had turned the study music off as you were about to get on your phone. "so what were you doing before this?" you look over at your laptop. making his camera camera screen larger. "i was just cleaning and getting some other homework done. killing time before you were ready. i almost wanted to get a head start cause i had so much time." that last sentence coming off a little harsh. but it was true!

"yea sorry about that.. they're been giving me closing shifts recently after my afternoon classless and i don't get to do anything until i'm home." it was out of his control..oh poor soobin..

"it's fine, at least you're willing to actually do the work, i appreciate it."he smiles at your response. of course he would be helpful. "i feel kinda bad tho, wouldn't your boyfriend be mad about spending late nights with me?" he dragged out his words a little. "i don't have a boyfriend." responding immediately , felt like you had to.

he laughs slightly at your reply. "just expected someone as pretty as you are to be taken already." his words made your face feel hot, how did he do that. he's left you speechless..

"tell me y/n, what are you doing after this?" his voice became a bit deeper, with a sultry tone. "probably sleeping, wouldn't want to stay up too late." nodding his head, seems like a reasonable to do.. what's he thinking?

"well after this i'm also heading to bed, but just before i sleep i'm going to think about how cute you look in that tank top." all the heat from your face just went straight to your core. did he mean that..

he ran his hand through his hair. "and how it'd look if i just lifted it up just right above your tits.. running my fingers lightly over you." starting to squirm in your chair. how's this even happening. "i'm getting hard just thinking about it right now, too bad i'll have to imagine it." biting his bottom lip as he stares back at you for a bit. "anyways, lets get back to work, wouldn't want you to sleep late." he went back to flipping through his papers.

you blinked at how fast he was able to move from that. he can't just talk to you like that and you get nothing out of it, no fair. after collecting your thoughts you get back to work, still no music playing. you could hear soobin's breathing, and how fast your heart is beating still.

you knew soobin's eye's shifted to your screen quite often, maybe he wanted to make sure you were focused, maybe he just wanted to just be reminded how hot you looked right now. deciding to lean in closer to your laptop, your breast would squish closer together, looking like they might spill out of your loose tank top.

soobin groans."don't do that." he leans back in his chair. "do what?" playing dumb. you notice his right hand is blow his desk, what if he's stroking himself.."you seem distracted soobin, remember, we still have 30 minutes to work tonight." he rolls his eyes, "how about another break? I'm sorta getting tired of this assignment."

you lean back in your seat, keeping eye contact with him on the screen. "sure, it's up to you." soobin's right hand still unseen, you wanna play see what he's up to so bad. "oh come on, you don't wanna show me what you're busy doing?" his tongue darts out his mouth swiping across his bottom lip and bitting down on it before speaking. "so eager? our break just started." scoffing at his reply, you lean right back in closer.

"come on let me see..i'll do whatever you want right after." earning a whimper from him, he goes to move his pc camera down slightly and scoots back a little. he was wearing grey sweats, they were pulled down slightly along with his boxers. entire cock out, stroking it slowly. you could see the small beads of precum coming out from his pretty pink tip. wondering how much that pc camera cost..

you could moan at this sight, him biting his lip so he doesn't release any sounds, feeling so vulnerable from you staring at him in this state. "you look so cute soobin." his whimpers still being held back. "your turn now, please?" "fine if you say so."

thinking about his fantasy, deciding to make it real. you lift your top slowly and letting it rest just above your breast like he imagined. his faced was so torn, losing it over how hot you looked. running your fingers all over your chest, teasing yourself with your soft touches and grazes. this just felt so hot, everything about this was so hot.

"you're just as gorgeous as i imagined, so pretty baby, can i call you that?" he sounded so good. the slight whine in his voice and pauses in his sentences, you would do anything he asked. "yes please, do whatever you want." "so needy, how cute."

still playing with his tip "wish i could kiss those pretty tits, pinch them and hear your pretty moans, could you do that for me baby?" your breathing is heavy, nodding at him. lifting both your hands, with just the tips of your pointer fingers, rubbing them both your nipples lightly. you felt so sensitive, jolting at your own touches, you could hear him moaning at you. eye lids wanting to close but you kept them open and you could see his left hand going under his shirt and rubbing his chest, you could see his abs... there's no way he's real.

after teasing your nipples for a few more seconds, deciding to pinch them, immediately letting out a loud moan. "god yes, let me hear you." you could see his fist moving up and down his cock faster as he watched you tease yourself. "wanna touch yourself pretty? please i wanna see how you do it."

he's making you feel so good and he's not even here, you need him so bad after this. your right hand starts diving down to your shorts, under your panties. "let me see how wet you are baby." collecting some of your slick to show him. "your so wet, i wish i could taste you..will you let me next time?" thank goodness he feels the same way.

going back to under shorts, you flicked your clit a couple of times, earning him some more of your pretty moans. slipping one finger in, thrusting it as fast as you could on your own. left hand still playing with your breast, everything felt so good, soobin's voice praising you and moaning after. "you wanna cum so badly don't you? wish it was my fingers?" "uh huh." nodding as you inserted a second finger, his words felt so good.

"i'm gonna cum soon baby, keep moaning for me pretty. cum with me, wanna see you lose it." you both kept going until you felt that knot in your stomach snap. thighs shaking, bitting down on your bottom lip. you didn't know you could be this loud. soobin's moans when he came were so mouthwatering, throwing his head back while he came with ropes of cum. wanna taste him..

"so good baby, you did so good for me." trying to catch your breathing, pulling your top down to cover yourself, licking your cum off your fingers. "so dirty for me." "your so hot soobin." orgasm high hitting you fast, you just wanna compliment him and kiss him so bad, wishing he was here. "that felt so good, i can't believe it."

after the both of you guys calmed down, just in each other silent presence. "i'm glad that happened. i didn't really plan for that but, you just.. looked really good right now." making you blush again, he's so kissable. "maybe we could work on the project at my place next time, or yours.." "yea i'd like that."

[zombiigrll]

ok ok, hear me out...

Enid Rhee x Dixon!Reader??

Prompt: "...Why are you quiet?" "That's probably the most I've ever heard you talk."

So basically, where reader (either fem or gn, whatever you want) is Daryl's kid (biological or adoptive) and they're super quiet, similar to their father. Like, only speaks if spoken to. Reader and Enid are close friends and maybe after a dangerous encounter, or something angsty, reader can't keep their feelings to themselves anymore and confesses.

AAAGH i'm gonna leave it at that and give you whatever creativities you want. I literally love all your fics and your style of writing, so I hope you like this request and take it cause I would personally be thrilled to see what you come up with.

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FATHERS DAUGHTER. ⋆｡°✩ enid rhee x fem!dixon!reader .ᐟ WORD COUNT .ᐟ ⭑ 1.2K ꩜ .ᐟ WARNINGS ⭑ angst + fluff + friends to lovers (mostly fluff IDK WHAT TO CALL IT theres so many fanfic terms my ass is not caught up on!), reader is daryls daughter (you can interpret if its adoptive or not ), reader is quiet/monotoned, near-death situation? kissing, mostly just cute stuff with a tiny bit of angst! .ᐟ SUMMARY .ᐟ ⭑ you admit your feelings out of fear. ꩜ .ᐟ A/N .ᐟ ⭑ okay i LOVE THIS REQUEST ANON!! thank you so much!! enid is so fun to write for and this was just so fun to write AHH!! and thank you so much im so glad you like my writing, hope i did your request justice <3

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you had been staying up all night reading some book you had found on a run.

it was clear to everyone that you were a night owl. you could stay up days without being super effected by it, but that could also just be what happens after being in an apocalypse for a few years.

or, it could be that you were exactly like your father.

you were as quiet as him, had the same sleep schedule as him, everything.

anywho, you stayed up and saw the sun started rising, and thats when you remembered you and enid had a quick run together a little ways away from alexandria.

you decided to start getting ready a bit early, just to kill some time. you placed your bookmark in the gutter of the book before closing it and standing up.

the only thing differently you did from your father was that you kept all of your clothes as clean as possible. you even did his laundry sometimes. you didn't blame him though, he was a busy man. you were glad you could help in some way.

you picked a blue flannel, rib-knit tank top, and jeans.

just as you finished changing your clothes, you heard a knock at your door.

"come in." you replied monotonously.

enid opened the door, raising her eyebrow with a slight chuckle as she looked at you. "you're already ready?"

"mhm."

"did you even sleep last night?" she walked over to your bed and sat to your side.

"no. i was reading." you looked at her. your expression and voice was always quite flat, but enid never cared. she knew it was just who you are, and she'd never change a thing about you.

"of course." she nodded in response, looking at the book that laid behind the two of you. "you are your fathers daughter."

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"oh, nothing bad." she nudged you in the shoulder. "you're just quiet and a night owl. just like daryl."

"yeah." you put a hand up to your shoulder, acting like it hurt with a slight smile.

"well, are you ready to head out?" enid jumped off the bed and picked her bag back up.

you nodded, standing up with her.

...

you've been driving for a little while now. like i said, the place your guys' run was located was a little ways away from alexandria.

but, you guys made it.

you parked on the side of the road and stepped out, grabbing your bag as well as holstering your gun.

you looked over to your side at enid as she stepped out of the car. you walked a bit further forward, scoping out the area.

"does it look clear so far?" enid sneaks up behind you, her iconic smile still plastered on her face.

"so far. i don't hear anything right now, but we still have quite a bit of area to look over."

she nods, stepping directly to your side. "i'm sure this run will be easy. we've never had much trouble over here." enid continues, her voice almost sounding as if she's trying to comfort you?

you shrug. "mhm."

the two of you walked throughout the forest, no signs of any walkers.

"why'd they have us go out here if theres nothing?" enid looked around, her knife in hand despite her firmly believing she wouldn't need to use it today.

"you're jinxing us."

"you believe in jinxes?" she chuckled, her mouth slightly curving up.

you look away, a bit embarrassed. you shrug your shoulders again in response.

as you step forward, you hear a crack from the woods that you guys had yet to check.

"yes, i do."

you pull your gun out and begin stepping into the woods with enid following behind you.

there was a hill at the edge of the woods with a couple of trees surrounding it. you could barely see where it ended.

you turned around at the sound of groans, and spotted quite a bit of walkers in the distance heading right your way.

but before you could think, the edge of the hill cracked beneath your feet.

"oh shit!" you screamed as you fell. enid instinctively reaches out and grabs your hand. you hit your nose on the hill as you swing down, causing it to bleed.

it was at least a 20 foot drop. you looked down as enid struggled to try and get you up.

"oh f- hold on! it'll be okay." enid tried to comfort despite her freaking out along with you. she moves her other hand to try and pull you up.

"fuck, fuck!" you panicked, the taste of iron entering your mouth as you tried reaching your other arm up to help. you helped her pull yourself up and you fell onto the ground.

"come on! we have to go!"

enid holds your hand, intertwining it with hers, to lift you up. you both begin running through the forest and past the walkers that were starting to surround the two of you, adrenaline rushing throughout both your veins.

you guys arrive back at the car, throwing yourselves into the seats and catching your breath.

without thinking, you start speaking through your breaths.

"oh man, i thought.. i thought i was going to die... i thought i was going to die, and i didn't even tell you how i love you, enid. i really love you, i-i'm sorry."

enids eyes widen, her hands still placed on her chest catching her breath as she stares at you with a reddened face.

after a moment of silence, you speak up again.

"...why are you quiet?"

"that's probably the most i've ever heard you talk."

enids expression changed into a large grin. she leans forward and pulls a rag out of her backpack. "and you didn't even care about the fact that your nose is still bleeding."

you stay sitting there as she cups your cheek, putting the rag up to your face.

she didn't respond to what you said.

did she feel the same? or did you just make a fool out of yourself?

as your nose stops bleeding, she sets it down and looks at you with a smile.

"i love you too, by the way."

before you could react, she leans forward and kisses you.

your body froze as you processed what was happening, but you finally got the courage and moved your hands up to her cheeks as you returned the kiss.

you could feel her smile under the kiss the moment your hands touched her face.

you were sure she could tell how anxious you were. that she could tell that there were butterflies in your stomach and a knot in your chest, despite the kiss being soft and delicate.

she pulled away, her mouth still curved into a smile.

you looked back at her in shock, taking in all of her features before she broke the silence.

"you're extremely red."

you choked on air as her words snapped you back to reality. "oh, shut up."

"i'm serious! you look like a cherry." she giggled, moving your hair behind your ear.

you rolled your eyes, unsuccessfully pushing away a smile. "come on..."

"wanna do it again?" she tilted her head, her hands moving down to your shoulders.

despite what seemed like a protest previously, you nodded vigorously.

she laughed and leaned in once again.

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[sharkgirldick]

Some butch repairwoman x fancy robot yuri I started writing to pass the time at work.

I'm probably never going to finish it.

Legally speaking, what I do isn't robot repair. I don't have a license to fix or maintain even simple robots, let alone sentients. I'm qualified as IT repair and maintenance only, meaning I could fix your home computer, hologram projector, or even your fridge if it's the right model. Thankfully, I get enough of things like that, so my robot repair flies under the radar.

The thing that sets me apart from others in my field, aside from my dubious legal status, is the fact that I do house calls. Most places have a repair bay, and they'll expect a robot to get there, one way or another. I got a lot of my early business through leg repairs because of that, but now I get a wide array of work thanks to my reputation. Today was an eye fix, which was surprisingly common. Robotic eyes require regular calibration, but the majority of the time a robot can get away with just running a diagnostic once or twice a year. It's an eye, after all, they're meant to last. Still, that leads to the robot version of lazy eye, and can cause minor damage that needs to be repaired. If you're not lucky, the neuro-circuits of the eye can be damaged, which is a more intensive repair.

My client today is one of the less lucky ones.

I won't bore you with the details of neuro-circuit replacement, but I'll say it's long, time consuming, and awkwardly intimate work. You're up in someone's face for hours, after all. I can't count the number of dates I've been asked on after doing eye repairs. It probably doesn't help that I neatly fit into the butch repairwoman stereotype pretty well.

The walk to this client's house wasn't too bad, only about four miles from my combination apartment and shop. Despite the doorbell, I knocked on the door. The door itself was wood, a beautifully dark-stained piece that fit the small brick abode pretty well. The whole place was an oddity all its own, as most things meant to be sturdy these days are made out of metal or meldplastic.

After a moment, my client answered the door. I had to admit, I was a little dazzled. She was a very new model of Empyrean-tier pureframe biomock. That is, she looked practically human. Or, she did at some point. Instead of a standard dermal coating, she had a thin, clear layer of what I assume was custom-made silicone cover. Beneath that, the mechanisms keeping her body moving and running whirred and clicked and turned and pumped. I could probably spend hours, or even days, just sitting and examining those parts. It was really rare that I got to work with high end robots, but I've never gotten this close to one this state of the art.

"Veronica?" The sound of her voice snapped me out of my long examination. It was rude to stare at someone's body, robot or not. My own eyes moved up to meet hers. The eye that needed repair was completely out of its socket, and would probably look incredibly creepy if it wasn't a sight I was used to.

"Yep, and you're uh…" I glanced down at my schedule sheet. She was the only name on there. She had offered me a lot of money for this repair, so I had cleared my schedule. Now I understood why. "Ace?"

"Correct. Please, come in." I followed behind her. The next surprise was the interior of her house. It was incredibly old school. The floors were, again, dark stained wood, and there were flowers painted all over the walls. The furniture was clearly not factory made. She didn't even have a hologram projector, just an old school flat screen TV. She wasn't just an expensive model, she was expensive all around.

"I get the feeling you could afford better repair work than mine."

"Perhaps." She sounded amused. "Though you were highly recommended, both for your work and your looks. You are quite the specimen." I glanced down at my outfit. I was wearing a black flannel shirt tucked into a pair of jeans and a set of black steel-toed boots. Guess I really wasn't beating the stereotype.

"Would it be vain to say I get that a lot?"

"Only if you were lying." She led me to the end of a main hallway, and entered a room, flicking on the light as she did. Even more old school wiring: She had a manual light switch. Inside, the floors gave way to more modern flat white meldplastic, with a simple metal table and repair desk set up. It wasn't a repair bay, but the fact that she had her own place for maintenance showed that she was able to get personal work done whenever she needed. I almost felt a little out of place.

She hopped up up onto the table and turned toward me. "You may begin when you are ready." With a nod, I set my toolbox and materials out on the desk, then turned towards Ace.

Without preamble, I found the seam where her outer sleeve joined at the neck, and carefully peeled it off, my skin brushing the frame of her skull. I heard a soft click as I did, but I ignored it. I assumed she would tell me if I did something wrong. I opened her face plate and got to work.

We didn't talk. At all. She could have easily spoken, since she didn't need to move her mouth or jaw to if she used a speaker. Still, if she wasn't going to talk, I wouldn't bother either. Eventually, I put a cap on the neuro-circuits I was using and haphazardly stuffed them into the empty socket. Nothing should get damaged that way. I closed her face plate and slipped her cover back over her head. When it was sealed, she spoke up again.

"You don't appear to be finished." Her working eye stared into me.

"I need a break. This is a lot of small, particular work, and I'm getting hungry. It's been two hours."

"And ninteen minutes. Please, have your meal in my kitchen. Do you need anything to eat?"

"You keep food?"

"I do when I am expecting human guests." She smiled at me indulgently.

"Ah, well, I can eat fast if you've got guests coming over." At that, she laughed.

"You are my guest, Veronica. So take all the time, and food, that you need."

I stepped over to my toolbox, setting down the things I was using, and pulling out the lunchbox I brought with me. "No need." I started to leave the room, and she slid off the table, following me. Her kitchen, which I had only gotten a glance of, was as gorgeous as the rest of the house. The floor was a polished stone, and all of the counters were a gleaming marble. The cabinets were more of the same dark wood. Sitting on the counter was a small plate of chocolate chip cookies.

There wasn't a table, but there were chairs around the central island, so I took a seat there and laid out my little lunch: A sandwich, a small bag of chips, and a sports drink.

"No instant-nutrition?" Ace inquired.

"That stuff tastes awful, plus having a full stomach after eating something so small just doesn't feel right."

"I have been told that it tastes like nothing."

"Well, bland is the same as bad to me. I like to taste my food." At that, she chuckles, and continues to watch me eat.

[4ln-stay8]

Behind closed doors - part II

>summary: Han isn’t too happy to find out what his sister is doing lately

>author’s note: I still don’t know how I feel about it… I also take requests if you have any ideas… I’m also working on some fake texts bits haha …THERE MIGHT BE A PART III

>warning: angst, Han is kind of a dick (Im sorry babygirl) not proof read

>pairing: lee minho x han jisung's sister

Part I

Masterlist

*Y/N'S POV*

It’s been three weeks since your argument with Jisung. Three weeks since you both talked to each other. He didn’t came home after that night due to his busy schedule but he tried and talk to your parents as much as he could. Your mother tried to make you speak to each other but neither of you wanted to reach out first.

On that night your mother asked what happened to her kids after she saw Jisung dropping you off and leave the next second. You told her everything while crying your eyes out and nothing she said could make you stop.

You never thought that your relationship with your brother could fall to the ground all because you fall in love with the wrong man. Don’t get me wrong, you didn’t regret falling for Minho, you didn’t regret anything about him or anything about your relationship with him. Anything besides keeping it a secret from Jisung.

Maybe things would be different if you would’ve told him sooner. Maybe he wouldn’t have hated you so much right now. You were spiralling down the rabbit hole and all you could think of was “what if”.

You barely talked to Minho in the past few weeks, you hated yourself for putting him through this. He had to work and spend every day with his best friend who probably hated him right now, all because of you.

You were way past the whole “it’s not only my fault” part and got straight to the “it’s all my fault” part.

You were miserable to say at least. You hated yourself for being the reason why your brother hated his best friend. You hated yourself for being the reason your brother hated you. You hated yourself for being the reason why your boyfriend was treated poorly by you in those three weeks.

You tried to be a good girlfriend, you tried to be one considering all the bad you’ve caused to him in his other relationships. You tried your best but you just couldn’t look him in the eyes while knowing what he had to go through.

Thats why you asked him to talk, in the small window he actually had. That’s why you showed up at the coffee shop near the JYP building while looking like you were just hit by a meteorite, waiting for your beloved.

- Hi jagi! It’s so nice to see you, I missed you so much! said minho while talking the seat opposite from you - Hi! Uhm…. Can we talk? you asked straight forward not wanting to be there longer than necessary due to barely being able to keep the tears behind your eyes - Uhm sure…. What do you want to talk about? he asked anxiously - I’m so sorry Minho! I’m really sorry about everything. I didn’t want to get between you and Jisung! He is right, I do ruin everything! you said, your voice barely above a whisper with tears running down your face -Wha-what are you saying jagi? he whispered confused but yet expecting the worst

-I ruin a lot of things Minho, but i refuse to ruin your life more than I already did. It's not fair. I'm sorr.y Minho... we're over. you whispered, pain evident in your voice as you got up quickly, running out of the coffee shop

You ran and ran, not stopping until you got home. You ran straight into your room, falling down the wall in the quiet room, the only sound heard being your heart breaking. You gave up on the anger you held against your brother, and with a last text sent to him, you gave up on yourself.

*MINHO'S POV*

He stood there, watching you run away, taking his heart with you. It took him around 15 minutes to actually process the entire thing.

With small robotic movements, he stood up and slowly walked out of the coffee shop, going back to the dance studio where all his friends were.

He walked in the studio and with small steps he went straight in the furthest corner, collapsing on the floor hidinghis face in his knees. He didn't wanted to cry in front of his friends, let alone cry in front of the few staff members that were there at the time.

Chan, being the good leader and the great friend he is, he Minho's appearence in the corner. With a ferm voice he let everyone know that they are free for the rest of the day, saying that they practiced so much lately that they need a break before someone gets hurt.

His voice was so serious that no one dared to question him and everyone just picked their stuff up and left, everyone besides the band members who were still picking up their stuff while messing around.

With small and calculated steps, Chan moved closer to where Minho was sitting, kneeling close to him, putting a hand on his shaking shoulders.

-Everything okay Min? How did the date with Y/N went? he asked softly

-She broke up with me. She said she couldn't ruin my life anymore.... Thats such bullshit Chan. he whispered, slowly raising his face to look at Chan.

The moment Chan saw his teary eyes he pulled him in a big warm hug, trying to comfort his friend.

*HAN'S POV*

Even tho it was weird for Chan to just call it a day mid practice, Jisung never dared to question his leader, looking forward to hiding behind his bedroom door and avoiding Minho with all costs.

He didn't spoke to his hyung almost atall in the past three weeks, only speaking when needes. It was common knowledge that he was avoiding him after the fight they had on the night Han dropped you home.

He stopped talking to you as well, against his mother's protests. He always asked about your condition and about your state whenever he called home. He didn't wanted to be the first to break and to see a message from you left him in complete shock. He opened the message reading it carefully. Honestly he had to read it twice to fully understand the words he was reading, replying vaguely and confused with your words.

His head flew up the next second, looking around chaotically. His eyes immediately landed on Minho who was currently in the arms of their hyung. He found himself walking closely to them.

-Wha-what happend? What did she do? he found himself saying, panick noticeable in his voice

-She ended things. She didn't wanted to ruin our friendship more than she did. whispered minho realising Chan and whiping his tears. Without a warning Minho stood up and stormed out of the dancing studio, all eyes on him. Han never saw Minho like this, so vulnerable and broken and he found himself feeling guilty.

Without saying a word, he took his belongings and ran out the studio, straight to his car. He found himself in front of his home, 20 minutes later.

He walked out of the car and straight inside, walking to the door of your bedroom. He knocked softly without saying a word. When he didn't hear anything form the other side of the door, he slowly opend it, being welcomed with your body still against the wall, looking into nothing.

He slowly walked thowards yoi, tears picking up in his eyes at the sight of his baby sister being so heark broken. And all because of him. He sat slowly beside you looking at a imaginary dot on the opposite wall. -You were right you know? I was indeed being selfish. I just didnțt wanted to have to share you or Minho. He is my best friend and I would hate to know he is the cause of your pain, but instead I was, and I hated myself even more. whispered jisung trying to get your attention

-You were right, I do ruin everything. Im so sorry for all the things I ruined between the two of you. I am the worst sister ever. you whispered

-You didn’t ruin anything y/nnie! I did! I ruin the relationship between you and me, the one between me and Minho hyung and the one between the two of you. I’m really sorry! Please go and fix this! I know I’m too late but I do want you to be happy!

-It doesn’t matter now, he probably hates me! And its ok Ji, I should’ve told you from the start.

-Minho hyung doesn’t hate you! Is he hurt, yeah. But he doesn’t hate you!

-Not so sure about that Jisung ! you said quietly

-My point is, I see now how much you love each other and I would be a terrible person to stand between you. I would be worse than I already am.

-I get where you’re coming from, I do but you’re my brother and your opinion matters the most to me. Seeing you so mad about the idea of me having a crush on Minho broke me. I tried at first to get rid of them but I couldn’t get rid of his feelings and I couldn’t get rid of mine.

-For how long has this been happening? he slowly asks, his voice softens with each word

-We confessed to each other at Changbin’s birthday party. you whispered slowly

-That was like 7 months ago!! he raised his tone surprised

-I know, Im sorry!

-How did it happen?

-We got drunk at the party and after a while we were just making out. The next morning I woke up behind the couch cuddling with him. We were both so embarrassed but he had the balls to confess. I told him that I wanted to wait to tell you until we were sure that it will work. I wanted to tell you, then you asked me about my crush and I tried to hint it but that didn’t get me the reaction I wanted.

-I overreacted a little didn’t I?

-Yeah, but I understand why. You’re not in an easy position. Sneaking aro was easier but it wasn’t fair to you or to Minho. I was just too scared of losing both of you.

-And now you are whiling to lose him. he whispered feeling guilty

-As much as I love him, you’re my brother. My relationship with you is more important than a boy, at least to mom who is constantly begging me to forgive your sorry ass! you said teasingly

-Hey! You’re not the only one she begged!

-I mean it tho, one day we will be the only ones left. Yes, we’ll have partners but we’ll still be alone. Mom and dad won’t live forever and it is important that we get along well.

-It’s not that important if it’s making you miserable! I know i was wrong, I reacted with knowing the full story. I really am an asshole! But I didn’t wanted to have to choose between you and my best friend, yet I made you choose between me and your boyfriend.

-It was my choice. You didn’t asked for it. It was for his benefit.

-It’s not! He is as miserable as you are! He even hugged Channie hyung back when he hugged him to comfort him. He even cried in front of us! You need to fix this, for you, for him, even for me! I would hate myself for being the reason you both are like this. And trust me I won’t forget myself for the way I reacted.

-Do you think he’ll have me back? you asked shyly

-There’s only one way to find out.

[thebluntstudent]

FIVE TIPS FOR STUDYING WHEN ILL OR OTHERWISE INCONVENIENCED...

disclaimer: when at all possible, you should always prioritise physical and mental wellbeing over a good grade. If you are seriously ill to the point where it is heavily impeding your capacity to study, you are not fit to take an exam, or write an essay, and I hope your educational institute has measures for exceptional circumstances/extensions/deferrals to allow you to do so! Alas, it isn't always possible to do the ideal thing in life, and that is where my experience comes into play.

°•☆•°

Sometimes you find yourself in a crappy predicament a couple weeks before an essay is due, or an exam is scheduled, and you find yourself slipping further away from the stacl of textbooks on your desk, and closer to the comforts of your bed and the rest you really wish you had the time to make the most of.

Right now, my hormones are currently out of whack in a way that could meaning anything from (the most likely cause) PCOS to perimenopause at 22 to plenty of other less likely possibilities I'd rather not dwell on. This means that sitting up for more than 5-10 minutes in the same position sends my abdomen into spasms and sharp pains, and generally existing hour to hour is a painful, emotional, hot-flush filled experience.

That being said, I have an exam in a few days, and since deferral is not an option for me (this is my last attempt, I can't take any more time off of uni, my last attempt was last year during a period of several losses that occurred on an interruption year I had taken due to burn-out and unresolved trauma sliding into my life- you get where I'm going with the 'sometimes life is a bitch and your general and academic life can't be pretty and pristine' bit) I have been doing my best to balance comfort and productivity in a way that helps me look out for what I need right now whilst still getting in as much revisiom as I'm able to.

So! I thought I'd share my little tips for building a comfy study space when conditions are not ideal but you still gotta keep moving:

• abandon the 'do not study in bed' tip, but only for as long as it helps you as opposed to hindering you. I have tried sittimg up at a desk with pillows and blankets swathing me- and all I get for it is hefty back pain and constant awkward readjustments every time I start heating up or shift around in my seat too much. If you're ill, you aren't doing yourself any good sitting hunched over a desk either- and frankly your sleep is probably going to be buggered until you're feeling better anyways. So, if sitting at a desk is putting you off, prop up some pillows, rest your writing materials on a hard surface (a folder, an A4 hardback- a chopping board works for a cute wannabe lap desk too), and set a zone of your bed aside (or just use a bedside cabinet if you have one) for anything you'll be using fairly often- by which I mean stationary, textbooks you'll be using over the course of the next hour or so- just enough stuff to save you constantly getting up out of your comfy study bubble.

• listen to tesco: every little helps. What I like to do to get myself going when I'm feeling naff- which works also if you're simply having a difficult time focusing yourself for the day- is to do micro pomodoro sessions, where I'll dedicate myself to 5 minutes minimum of focused study. If I really can't bring myself to continue longer than 5 minutes, I'll let myself rest for a little while (up to 20-30 minutes) before getting myself to do another micro session. This may not seem very productive, but you are more likely to do a good hour of work on a bad day when you tell yourself you only need to do little 5 minute sessions, than procrastinating studying because you feel as if you'll have to sit up and focus for a much longer period of time for it to count. Every. Little. Helps. In 5 minutes you can run through a topic of flash cards, do a slide of lecture notes, answer small exam questions, do a page or two of readings- and on a good day, that 5 minutes might turn into 10 with a small break, then 15, then you'll find yourself picking up your regular pace in no time! But again, even 5 minutes, just one little session, is a win when the world is throwing hurdles at you <3

• maximise your comfort: you know the little things that bring you joy, and you don't habe to be rolling in cash to surround yourself with little things to keep you going when all you want to do is sleep. My current comforts are the loyal presence of my cat next to me, a few old blankets I can swaddle myself in to stare at the ceiling when my ovaries are throwing a tantrum, a little variety of teas (currently rocking a chai latte with home bargains vanilla syrup, girl gotta have her sweet relief), a pack of energy drinks, some painkillers, and a little incense tray nearby that I forget to use 70% of the time (though the remaining 30% makes up for that). None of this is in particular mandatory- if it were, the dog people of the world would be doomed. The point is, find your little comforts- an activity you can do from the comfort of your bed like a puzzle, sensory toy or just a book to doodle in, a certain type of drink or snack you really love, some smellies (perfume, incense, candles, wax melts, and so on), supplies for whatever ails you- little personal things to relax you whilst you try to gather your energy.

• Now is not the time to push it. I tend to find the times in which I am most likely to push myself past my limits are the times in whicj something is inhibiting me- the frustration of being bed-bound, fatigued due to chronic conditions, etc tends to make me feel even more than usual that I am not doing enough because of my awareness of my present restrictions. Though this post is about pusning through bad times, you should be doing so with self-compassion, and with the mindset that every little bit you achieve in your current state is a win, a bonus, even if you find yourself unable to work to the same standard as normal. You aren't well- you aren't supposed to be functioning at 100% because your body is only functioning at 50%, and if you want to get back to your regular stressed student self you need to rest! Remember that a slightly lower grade than you were expecting in the short-term is not a reflection on your character, and it's better to *be* better for the long-term than to work yourself into a ditch and burn-out when you are already at a low point.

• If healthy study you is a carefully rehearsed play, then sick study you is a completely improvised show. Don't knock the analogy, even if it is silly and obscure- when I am at my peak, I will time-block my studies, plan to do certain topics on certain days, do 30-5 or 50-10 study sessions, work during a set period from the morning to the mid afternoon.

When I am ill, I do not know when I will be unable to sit up to work. I do not know when I will be able to sleep, to stomach food, to concentrate- so I have to accept that the normal routines that keep me consistent have to be chucked in the bin for the time being. Instead of planning my whole day, I create a vague, rough outline of the next few things I want to get done. This way, I don't feel crushed when I start working on lecture notes and find myself flat out on my back crying 10 minutes later- I just pick up where I left off when I'm ready, and work in increments from there.

°•☆•°

Right now my sleep is a bit fudgy because of night sweats/panics and p a i n, and by building a cosy space and letting my plans adapt to my body's needs I've managed to get 3 hrs of lecture notes, 2 sets of flashcards, and a set of logic practise questkons done over night between 8pm-4:30am. If I had tried to stick to my regular 'good day' study routine, I don't think I would have lasted 15 minutes before giving up and crawling over to youtube with a bowl of white chocolate and a horlicks in hand.

It is this kind of adaptability to external conditions that allowed me to survive an unstable home situation during college that meant weeks without wifi, constantly moving between different homes and constant fear of eviction due to family debts I was too young to do anything about- and allowed me to get into the top university in London* as a working class girly from a council estate.

I was given the opportunity to do an extra year at college for free due to these circumstances and a great support network within the institute to make sure I got into the specific university that I wanted to, and I had to take an interruption after my firdt yesr of university because I am not a super-human, and I knew my limits- but I'm still going, and the time away I've had has paid off and gotten me back to my scrappy, chaotic, passionately nerdy self.

You can be messy and be a good student too- and you can get through the worst of times with a little adaptability, perseverance, a good support network and a little self care ♡

*Times Good University Guide, 2024.

[freetobeeyouandme]

No new chapter of the Byler Isekai Fantasy AU today because I need way longer for edits than I thought, plus I think I just really need to overthink my posting schedule, BUT in the meantime I'd like to inform you that I already have a long, multichaptered Byler Fantasy AU complete up on Ao3. Just in case you didn't know yet and want something similar to tide you over until I get around to posting again next week.

Through A Dark Glass, Wanting

90k | Rated M | Fantasy AU, D&D inspired AU, Canon Typical Horror, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Suicidal Ideation, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Will Byers is so loved if he only accepted it, Will keeps making bad decisions bear with him

When a dark corruption spreads from the Deep Woods north of the kingdom of Roane, it falls to Will and his friends to investigate the cause. But as they close in on what seems to be the inevitable final confrontation with the Mad Wizard they have been fighting for years, Will finds his magic failing him as the darkness that scarred him during his first encounter with that very man finally overtakes him. Will stands no chance at stopping the demons that have been haunting him – after all how can he fight for a happy ending when he doesn’t believe he deserves one? - Or, Will learns to accept that his friends love him a whole lot more than he thinks they should.

I wrote this one during last year's Byler Big Bang, so it has a lot of wonderful art by the extremely talented @katimanki, and since I really enjoyed working on it I want to give it some love today (also because the next BBB is just around the corner - yay!). I'll definitely be back with the next chapter of the Isekai AU next week, but also be warned that I'm probably going to stick to a three week posting schedule for the last couple of chapters. I very much over/underestimated how long this bad boy would be and how much time I would be able to spend on it, so while I don't like it, it is now what it is.

An excerpt and my usual taglist below (since I'm assuming you might be interested in another fantasy AU as well)

Chapter 1: The Inn at the End of the World

Will spends dinner staring at the dark clouds obscuring the woods less than a days ride away from the inn. Night has already begun falling around them, but the clouds hovering over the trees almost glow a little in the dark, as if to make sure he remembers that they are there. Inside of the clouds he can see the tree tops and dark spots of creatures flying. General consensus is that the Deep Woods are a dead place, but he knows that’s not true. Whatever the shadow touches doesn’t die. It just wishes it had.

An elbow hits him in the ribs, for the second time in as many minutes. It’s only on the second time, though, that he realizes the elbow is intentional – for once this evening.

“Byers, you gonna finish that or not?” Dustin says, wiping his mouth while also eyeing the bread on Will’s plate.

Will wordlessly pushes his plate – the only plate on the table that isn’t completely blank – over to his friend.

Immediately he feels Mike’s knee knock into his, and silently curses the inn for being so packed that they had to squeeze four of them onto a bench made for three. Even with Lucas hanging half off it, leaning over to chat with Max, it’s a tight fit. Too tight. And Dustin’s elbow is nothing compared to Mike’s…well, Mike’s everything.

He can feels Mike’s hot breath on his cheek when he speaks. “Are you okay?”

Will puts on a practiced smile. “I’m fine,” he reassures his best friend. He nods at the window behind Mike’s head. “Just not really feeling hungry right now.”

Mike follows his gaze and sighs. “Just make sure to have breakfast, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. We need our strength.”

Mike returns Will’s eye roll with a tight smile.

Will grabs the half eaten chicken leg from his plate and takes a tentative bite to appease him. Mike, apparently satisfied that Will’s not gonna drop dead of starvation before they even set foot in the woods, turns back to whatever conversation he was having with El on his other side. Will drops the chicken again and grabs a napkin instead.

Dustin pushes the now more empty plate towards the middle of the table. He has eaten maybe half of what Will had left over, leaving the chicken leg and the harder parts of the bread.

He pats his stomach. “Tiamat’s Third head, I’m full.”

“That’s still not gonna catch on,” Will tells him.

Dustin gives him the finger. Then he belches.

Will decidedly turns his nose out of the path, staring instead at the crowd around them. The inn, a small affair just on the border between the Duchy of Hawkins and the impenetrable Deep Woods, is teeming with people. At first Mike had been worried they wouldn’t even get rooms, but that was the one thing The Aleful Dragon had not been short of. They could each have gotten their own, but instead they’d gone for their usual three: One double for the girls, two for the boys. Officially.

Will eyes the tankard in front of Dustin, silently hoping it will stay at that one but knowing that since this is their last proper night in civilization, it won’t. And unfortunately, unlike Mike, Dustin snored when he was drunk.

The innkeeper’s son comes to clear away their table, shyly ducking his head as he does so. In his eyes there is the recognition that had become more and more common over the past two years. This is the Prince of Hearts, Slayer of the Thessalian Hydra and Scourge of the Mad Wizard. This is no ordinary band of would-be heroes at his table.

To everyone’s surprise, it is Dustin whom he addresses when he brings them the round of beers they order as he clears the table.

“You are Dustin the Bold, right?” When Dustin nods he swallows and asks in a quiet voice: “Would you mind if I asked my mother if you could play tonight? We have our house musicians, but…”

Dustin’s grin is wolfish. “Do I ever mind that, my young friend? Tell her I will play all night if she only keeps the beer coming.”

Will doesn’t bother pointing out that the innkeeper's son seems to be a few years older than them, actually. Dustin’s flame is lit and he doesn’t think their bard will hear much tonight that doesn’t pertain to song requests.

The young man runs off happily to tell his mother the news, and sure enough she herself comes to their table to negotiate the deal. It’s a standard contract as far as the work of a bard goes: The drink will be on the house for him and his companions. The rooms they still have to pay for.

It means hell for Will’s ears, but he supposes he can always go to bed early, perhaps be deeply asleep by the time the snoring starts. Considering how long Dustin plans on playing and drinking, he might do that anyway.

Dustin gets up as the innkeeper heads back to the bar. He makes a big show of having to get out of the booth, shooing Lucas and Max into a frenzy. That still doesn’t seem fast enough because he just climbs up on the table to leave it in the end. It’s either some eerie talent or everyone else’s quick reflexes that mean he doesn’t spill any ale as he crosses.

“Sir Michael, my lute if you please?”

Mike looks up at him, rolling his eyes. “Get your dirty boots of the table, Dustin.”

Dustin lifts his chin in defiance. “My lute, I said.”

Will sees how they had been identified in this nowhere inn despite their plain clothes. Even in a simple tunic, visibly mended here and there where it had gotten ripped and torn in previous battles, Dustin strikes an imposing figure. The lute that is leaning against the wall beside their booth could be the prized possession of a simple minstrel, but the confident set of Dustin’s shoulders and the glimmer of knowledge in his eyes identify him clearly as a Bard of the Conclave. Take then his companions and even the people who had not seen Mike’s crown-and-heart shield as they carried their things upstairs were sure to know who was drinking among them.

Mike shakes his head and wordlessly hands over the richly painted instrument.

@smalltownwheeler @wheelerpilled @wrong-energy @foodiewithdahoodie @doggozzy @gardenfairie @beelikesbirds @beverlysclown @yickarus @sourdough-el @hessolivagant @hesquietoday @oldfashionedmorphine @total-serene560 @bylersrise @hawkinsunderground @generalstorecashier @snixx @camel-casing @bylersbear01 @turningsoft @casatoan @maru-chu @mid13s @goldentrunks @bunnybylerfangirl @willbyersenthusiast @letterstomichelangelo @drowninginideas @fluffyfangirl @artsyna @absolutelynotyouidiot @bymarara @unknowmiau @are-you-reddie @elherself134 @longtallglasses @kennahjune @easilyentertained99 @bylerschapter @father-imperator @bylerina

[district4loading]

It's the last week of the year, so it's not a problem if you are unproductive. You can just relax a bit and see what the best fiction you write for the year is. Also, what is the best picture of Sana in 2024, and what is the best outfit of Sana in 2024 from Misamo, Strategy, and Solo Schedule? And what are you looking out for in 2025

Ahhh, thank you for making me feel less lazy. I just spent the past few hours finishing my most recent fic.

Anyways, when I saw this pop up in my inbox I kinda got excited because its an excuse to simp for Sana.

To answer the first question, I've only put out a few fics but I'd say my best one is "I Love You," I'm pretty sure it remains my most liked fic on here and that's because its super intimate and fluffy. I enjoyed writing it and I never imagined so many people would also like it so thank you all for that.

Now onto the next...

Best Picture(s) of Sana in 2024

I mean... come on now.

I love when Sana wears glasses, I love when she does the duck lips and I love when she has her hair back.

These pics are so simple yet they have almost all the elements of what I love on her. Not to mention she looks incredible.

So yeah, this is taking the spot for the best picture of Sana in 2024.

Sana's best misamo concert outfit 2024

I really really really wish she'd post a photo dump with the pictures she took in this outfit. (I know she took some)

Pictures aside. This outfit looks amazing on her.

If you know me, you know that I'll always prefer when Sana wears a skirt because they fit her so well but these tight black jeans on her had me in shambles watching the entire concert video. The top is also really nice, showing a lot of skin but not too much, it's sort of perfect.

Also on the photo in the left, she has that half up-half down hairstyle which is probably my favorite on her. She pulls it off soooo well.

(Spoiler alert: I'm like halfway done writing a fic where she's wearing this outfit lmao)

Sana's best Strategy outfit

You all should've seen the way my jaw hit the floor when the studio choom teaser came out.

I feel like this outfit is perfect for her, so is the furry hat with the long currly hair. Pink is definitely HER color so of course she's gonna look good. But holy fucking shit she wrecked me bad with this one.

I have nothing more to say about this one.

Sana's best solo schedule outfit 2024

I mean what can I say? She's mastered the art of princessism lmao

Anytime Sana teams up with Graff, they have her looking like absolute royalty and I appreciate that. With a face like that, it's very fitting for Sana. There were many I could've chosen from but these just really caught my eye.

What am I looking out for?

I mean, I'd really love for Sana to have her solo debut. After hearing Mirage and seeing her perform it so well I definitely think she's more than ready. However, I doubt that’s coming anytime soon since she already has her hands full with Misamo.

I'd also like to see Sana have her own show, I've got no clue about the theme I just want to see her interact with other idols like she did on the fridge interview.

Since they teased a tour next year, I'd also like to see Sana (and momo and mina) perform their solo songs on the tour. I know misamo has never performed in the US but I hope they do next year, because they are not only loved in Japan. (This is only if they keep up the solo for each member thing on tour, if not then so be it)

I want another melody project for Sana. I really like her voice and I think it's not appreciated enough. I also want another performance project for more of the girls as well, especially momo.

Looking forward to a full album by twice sometime next year cause we're long over due for one.

Anyways, there's probably more I wanna see next year but I can't think of anything... so thats it for now!! Take care and enjoy the remainder of Sana day.

[alarrytale]

I know you are very against the p-word when talking about HL and in the larrie world you are in the minor because most larries think they won´t expose their relationship anyway. I agree that I hate how H hides literally everything behind this term (because he and Louis are closeted) which causes that gf h*rries - when he´s stunting - keeps yelling how the-current-woman-of-the-year is his endgame because tHeY aRe So PrIvAtE which can be easy to ignore but it´s still annoying af. In the morning I read another opinion how HL will keep their relationship in p-word even after they will come out and I came to this theory.

There are openly gay famous men and eventho they are talking about their sexuality openly, they keep their relationships in p-word. Let´s take J.Bailey as an example. Okay, idk for sure if he´s in a relationship rn or not but I think he is but he doesn´t want it to be public - I read a tiny interview with him asking him about all kind of last things he cooked, listened to, read etc and to the question what was the last thing he bought he responded something like "A painting as a gift for a very special person" - I assume that the special person is his boyfriend but he doesn´t want to draw attention to his relationship, doesn´t even want to admit he´s in a relationship. Probably because he wants all attention to his acting and lgbt funds he´s involved in. And so I´m now 50/50 on how much HL would like to expose their relationship even after their CO and admiting their relationship. I am sure they will attend events together, slay on the red carpet looking adorable with their heart-eyes and they will become a power/IT couple and will talk about their love in interviews (because it´s affecting their art/songwriting) but also don´t know if they will want to be detailed about their relationship what might cause that they will be hunted by tabloids and paps and D**xM*oi and making those typical (mostly made-up) tabloid headlines and articles like "Trouble in paradise?", "Close to the breakup because of the work schedule" or eventually if they will become parents to even expose their kids. So maybe they will find a balance in this - yes, they will be open about who they are and who is the love of their lifes but they will keep details in the p-word to prevent that their relationship will become the only thing why they will be interesting to media/gp.

Hi, anon!

Yes, i know i'm in the minority when it comes to being able to differentiate between being closeted and being private. Being openly out doesn’t mean you can’t be private or that you'll lose your privacy. As you illustrate, JB is out and proud, but he isn't hounded by questions about his relationship and doesn’t reveal more than he wants to reveal. He's protecting what he wants to protect just fine while also living his truth in public.

I'm just sick and tired of this fandom calling L and H private people, and claim the reason they're not out as gay to the public is simply because they don't want to, because they don't want to reveal that to the public, because they're private. It's a choice they're making to protect their privacy.

I just want to bang my head into a wall everytime i see this bad take or some take that's similar, all leading back to privacy. To me that's saying that all H and L have done over the years to tell us in the ways they can that they're gay, closeted and that they want freedom and to live their truth; speaking through t-shirts, hinting in songs, RBB and SBB, wearing each others clothes etc is all for nothing, because the fans of today think they're not out because they're private people. Asdfghjkl.

So the p-word is banned on this blog until you all understand the following:

Closeting is forced privacy. They don't have a choice but to be private about their relationship.

Coming out wont breach their privacy, but it will give them the choice of chosing to keep their relationship private or not. A choice they previously didn’t have.

H and L generally aren’t private people. They willingly share most things, except information about their sexuality or their romantic relationships. That's not because they're private people and want to keep that part of their lives private, it's because they're closeted.

I'm pretty sure if they could they'd shout it from the rooftops that they love each other. They've been forced to hide for so long, having their sexuality repressed and not being allowed to touch each other or show that they belong together. They've had to watch their soulmate kiss and pretend with other people. So once they're able to come out, i don't think they'd want to protect the relationship by being private. Why would they? They have a huge fandom that would rejoice, they'd have a general public who'd be thrilled for them. They could be a power couple if they wanted to. All this without it breaking their privacy.

I think H wants to show the world he bagged Louis and wear Mrs. Tomlinson-Styles t-shirts with a smirk on his face. I think Louis would want to do the same. He's used to his own family (over)sharing every life event and being public figures. But hey, maybe that's just me and how i would feel after gaining freedom after repression.

[abloomingperiod]

enough | kim seokjin

"god, you're annoying."

it's the first thing seokjin hears as you make your way to the car.

by the time you find his face under the black cap, you remind yourself to buy him more of these. you absolutely love the black cap and white tee look on him.

and he knows it, which is probably why the little shit is wearing it right now.

"happy to see you too, wife." he responds. he's got the smuggest expression on, which only gets worse as he notices the way your lips curl upwards after his response.

it's late at night, and even though seokjin just got back from his own tight schedule, he still insisted on taking you home.

"you should be laying in bed by now", you interjected through the phone. "without my hardworking wife? not happening", he shot back.

to say you don't like his mannerisms and ways to show how much he cares, is a lie.

and he knows that, because every time he pulls something like that, you can't hide the smile smeared on your lips.

because that's the effect seokjin has. and you don't event try and deny that.

as you sit on the passenger seat and let out a deep sigh, he watches your eyes close. when they reopen and find his, he shoots a cheeky peck at you, his right hand finding your thigh and softly caressing it.

"tough day?", he asks, to which you slowly nod, "like the freaking trenches", you sigh.

his hand reach for yours and kiss the back of it. "don't worry, i got you now", he says whilst restarting the car. you smile at his words, and caress his hand back.

"i need my bed to get me."

"rude of you to put your bed before your husband, but i'll let it slide 'cause you look like a mess."

"oh and I'M the rude one?" you interject and playfully hit his chest. god, his broad chest.

focus. you're too tired.

"let's just go, i can't look at this building anymore."

"as you wish, ma'am." he gives your thigh one last light squeeze and starts driving home.

as you guys keep making small talk about your day and updating each other about your work's latest gossips, you can't stop but notice the way seokjin keeps looking at your face every time you stay silent.

"are you gonna be offended if i fall asleep?" You question him.

he lets out a small chuckle. "the plan was to get you home, wash those pretty legs, massage your shoulders and put you to bed, but since you don't want it, suit yourself."

"well, i didn't know that was the plan." you playfully respond, your eyes opening more then an inch for the first time in a few minutes.

"some people like to call it a surprise, have you heard about it?"

"if it's every week and a half, it's no longer a surprise."

"woah, are you really complaining about being constantly treated well? really?" he scoffs and giggles, faking being offended by your words.

you smile at him. one thing you can always count on, is seokjin's ability to make every moment you have together feel lightweight - even if your shoulders, back and eyes insist on being heavy.

"sorry, sorry... please punish me." you mock, and the look on jin's face is worth every sore muscle in your body fighting against the urge to rest against your seat. his eyes are wider than ever as he reaches yours, and his mouth, completely shut. "i'm just messing with you." you playfully respond.

he looks back to the road, and lets out a soft, small chuckle. "well that's too bad", and you hit his chest for the second time - which, again, doesn't help your case.

god, you feel lucky.

after a few seconds of comfortable silence, you say:

"you really don't have to do this", you return to your first subject of the night. "the company pays for my transportation, you know that."

"ah, you always say that, y/n", he looks at you in a rather annoyed gaze. you wish you could complain about it, but he is right. you do always say that. "you think i would do it if i didn't want to? you know me better than this." he says. even though his words might seem rough, his tone is reassuring, and rather loving.

as he parks your car in the building garage, you notice his quick pace as he unbuckles and makes his way out of the car until he stops at your door, opening it and reaching for your hand. you take it with the biggest grin ever, and start walking over to your apartment. then he adds, "besides, it's a 20 minute trip. if i can't pull my ass up and bring my wife home from work with a 20 minute trip, I shouldn't even be married."

for a few seconds, his broad shoulders standing in front of you along with his words make you rethink whether or not you were joking when you talked about being punished.

as you enter the elevator and its doors closes, he reaches for your waist and pulls you close by his side, plump lips resting a light peck on your cheek. "i'll always come and get you, got it?", he asks.

you rest your head on his shoulder, not being able to maintain with your prideful posture after his words.

"got it", you repeat, and return the kiss on the new found pillow under your head.

after a few seconds, you notice, "but i gotta say: you really suck at basic math..." he cutely furrows his brows down at you, and you clarify, "it took over an hour since you told me you were going."

at that, he smirks and retorts, "that's what surprises are for, pretty girl."

now, you're the one who furrows.

"just get inside", he adds.

when you arrive to your place, suddenly, you feel as awake as ever.

warm candles light up around the dining table and there's food waiting for you. you can't help but notice the wine you love, side by side with a few white roses decorating the table. there's soft music playing in the background, and the soft, warm voice of your husband saying "i'm sure this counts as a surprise, though" behind you.

"...you didn't."

"i did."

"you- honey, i... baby??? you didn't have to- i..." you look at him with the biggest, loveliest eyes ever, and seokjin is pretty sure he forgot his own name for a few seconds right there.

"ah, come on, this is nothing! don't act like this is the best i've done to this day!" he complains with that trademark loud tone of his.

next thing he knows and feels is you jumping onto his arms, your asses being saved from the ground only thanks to your husband's strong torso. "woah! easy, tiger. we gotta eat first", a light laugh leaving his throat.

before your eyes meet, seokjin expects anything else. an annoyed look, a light hit coming to his chest one more time. hell, even a mean joke about the whole thing.

but what he doesn't expect is the absolute and utter love he finds looking directly at him.

"kim seokjin."

"please, this is just dinner... really it's nothing there's no reason for that it's not like a fancy restaurant or anythi- i didn't have the time to set everything for a restaurant by the way and you seemed very tired and I know for a fact you wouldn't wanna go ou-"

he keeps going on and on about everything he can find to downplay his actions to you. because that's a curious paradox of seokjin: he's got the confidence of a king - until he finds your big, round eyes looking at him like that; like he's the only thing existent in the world.

and you shut him up in his favorite way. your lips touch his, your hands hold his jaw and a tiny bit of his hair, and you kiss him, you kiss him and you kiss him like it's your first kiss all over again.

"this is everything", you peck his lips again, "this is great", then you peck his nose, "i don't care about a fancy restaurant, i love this", and you finish landing one on both cheeks.

"don't lie to me, you love to go out." he tries to argue, but though his eyes are closed, and you feel his arms going up and down your waist.

he is just as whipped as you are.

"i love being with you. regardless of place." you say as you take off his cap and slowly caress his hair, ear and stop on the back of his neck, his eyes fluttering open and lips reaching for your cheek. "plus, you have the social skills of a cockroach."

you regret immediately. your husband lets out the loudest groan you've heard in a while and you can't help but hide you face in his chest before he tries and dramatically push you away.

but he doesn't.

he doesn't even try.

he doesn't move an inch away from you.

he laughs.

he laughs and kisses the top of your head, a fun, yet loving "you're so annoying" leaving his throat as he walks you both to the table. "i was gonna ask for a kiss for all this, but now, i don't think that'll be enough."

he motions you to your seat, and places both hands on your shoulders, slowly massaging them like he promised earlier.

"mhm, i wonder what could be enough..." you mumble, eyes closed and limbs relaxing against his fingers.

"from you? i don't think i'll ever get enough." he responds, and even though he says it as a cheeky pick up line, you can't help but bite the smile growing on your lips.

he finishes his quick massage with a soft peck on your shoulder blades, and stops his face right next to yours, lips projected and waiting for a peck.

but you kiss him like you miss him. like he's been away for ages, like you just found him after searching and searching, and your hands hold his round cheeks close.

because you, too, can never get enough of him.

and you can't imagine a life where you will.

you pull away, and he's already grinning, and you whisper, "you spoil me too much".

to which seokjin chuckles, because he couldn't disagree more.

to him, you deserve every single bit of love, romance, cheesiness and surprises the world and its entire humanity can give.

and that's why, he simply responds, as he sits down in front of you,

"it's been less than a year." hands finding yours and caressing your knuckles. "you haven't seen nothing yet, wife."

[steveinscarlet]

One for the Joe Hoes methinks!

Full text under the cut

"WE'RE THE LEAST OFFENSIVE BAND AROUND!"

Reckons all-round nice guy JOE ELLIOTT, but that doesn't stop the hugely successful DEF LEPPARD getting a slagging from the likes of Black Crowe Chris Robinson. Is it jealousy cos the Leps were the first band ever to sell seven million albums back- to-back, or do even the band themselves think they've wrung and sung themselves dry with their latest multi-million seller, 'Adrenalize', and the mammoth tour that's accompanied it? ALISON JOY stowed away aboard the band's mini-bus (no limos here!) to try to discover the way the land lies...

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 6, 1992 will not be remembered as one of the greatest days in the lives of Def Leppard- especially vocalist Joe Elliott. Still not completely recovered from the bout of pleurisy which caused him so much trouble a couple of months ago (and still knocking back eight tablets a day to keep it under control), Joe has also been struck down with every singer's nightmare - the sore throat.

Despite half-hearted attempts not to talk too much (difficult for one so vocal) and several visits to a flight case stocked full of everything from plasters to paracetamol, tonight's show in Champaign, Illinois is a bit of a duffer. The rest of the band play a blinder, but Elliott's below-par performance results in the set being cut short to try and save his voice.

Post-show, Joe pours himself about a quarter of a pint of whisky and states an intention to get "bolloxed drunk" and forget all about it. The problem is, with Leppard's inflexible touring schedule, there's just no recovery time when you're below par.

As Joe explains, "When we do two gigs in a row, I have no problem. When we do three, it's a lot harder. I'm not singing Billy Idol vocal lines that are dead easy - I'm singing demanding stuff, and it takes a lot of breath. When your throat gets screwed up it swells, which means less air gets in, which means you have to use your lungs more; it's very tiring."

Add to this the many hours Joe spends doing interviews, local radio, warming up and travelling, and it's easy to see why he can't just tuck himself up in bed with a Lemsip and sleep it off. It pisses him off that the audience pay part of the price for his illness, in paying to see a sub-standard Def Leppard performance. Fortunately, the crowd at Champaign's Assembly Hall are sympathetic, and respond by singing even louder to help him through.

ACTUALLY CANCELLING a show, however, is out of tha question.

"We've never cancelled a gig on the day," explains Elliott, "it's always been 48 hours notice. We've only ever cancelled two gigs because of me: Nottingham in '83, and on the last tour I dislocated a rib in Belfast and spent two nights in hospital. I had to have an epidural after the Nottingham show, it was so bad, and I had this big Velcro waistband holding my ribs in place. I did the next six or seven shows like that, and had to go to the doctor every day for injections."

Apart from that, there've only been a couple of other health disasters meriting cancellations; one when drummer Rick Allen had tendonitis in his arm, and another when guitarist Phil Collen was suffering from glandular fever. At that second show, two people returned their tickets and 500 turned up to try and buy spares.

As Joe explains, "You've got 58 people on the road for 18 months. It's a physical impossibility for nothing to go wrong. When it's the singer who's ill, though, it's just so much more highlighted." Suddenly laughing, he adds, "Mind you, it'll probably do us a bit of good to sound out of tune now and again, cos everybody thinks we've got everything on tape! At least Champaign proved we do f**k up!"

LEAVING THE ASSEMBLY Hall, the band and entourage surprise the fans waiting outside by getting not into a fleet of limos, but squashing into a small mini-bus. Def Leppard do not fart around in limousines, instead preferring the friendly banter of the small bus, and tonight talk is of the show, Joe's voice and, natch, football.

I'm perched at the back next to guitarist Viv Campbell, who offstage wears his hair in a very interesting ponytail which sits right on the top of his head. It is, he reckons, "convenient". Viv's planning to move back to Ireland soon, after a few years' exile in Los Angeles, meaning he'll be much nearer to Joe's home studio.

Up front, Joe turns round, points at Viv and laughs, "He's worked with Lou Gramm, David Coverdale and Ronnie Dio and now he's lumbered with me!" Self- deprecation? They got it!

When the mini-bus pulls up at Champaign Airport, Def Leppard's plane is waiting in the snow. The small plane - certainly more functional than glamorous - is what enables the band to play every corner of America in a very short space of time. The flight is a short hop to Green Bay, Wisconsin, where the temperature is hovering at around minus 10. Although the next day is a day off, the band turn straight into bed for some well-earned rest most likely in preparation for the five-a-side football match that's been arranged!

DESPITE THE fact that Def Leppard are successful, down-to-earth blokes, some people just can't resist putting the knife in, and as Joe Elliott himself admits, "I don't know one person in the music business, apart from Brian May, who actually likes us". Indeed, The Black Crowes' Chris Robinson made a completely unprovoked attack on the Leps in Kerrang! recently: how does that kind of thing make Joe feel?

"Well," he ponders, "I've got to look at it from two points of view. There's a part of me that says it's unprofessional, but this is the most unprofessional business in the world anyway. Everybody knows that controversy sells. We've slagged bands off in the past, when we were about the same age as Chris is, so I can't really have a go at him for it.

"If Chris Robinson doesn't like Def Leppard, fine; I still like The Black Crowes, and I'm not gonna not like them just because he doesn't like us. They're retrospective, trying to go back and be The Rolling Stones, while we've been criticised for trying to push things into the future. As much as I like them, though, if I was in that kind of mood, I'd put 'Exile On Main Street' on instead, because it's much better. "The only people who like us are kids that come to concerts and buy records, and that suits me fine. I'd much rather do a show in front of 16,000 screaming kids with no musicians ligging than be one of those bands who everybody in the business likes. I remember when everybody was sucking up Lenny Kravitz' arse so much it was like they all wanted to give him an enema! Yet the guy couldn't fill the Marquee! I'd much rather have it the other way round."

STAYING WITH all things critical, what would be your response to people who label you as sexist because of songs like 'Make Love Like A Man' and 'Personal Property'?

Joe sighs a long, hard sigh, then finally says, "The way I look at it is that you're portraying a role on every song you sing. Phil Collen wrote 'Miss You In A Heartbeat', and when I sing it, it might be a song he wrote about his wife, but I don't sing it to his wife, I sing it on his behalf to his wife, and to anybody else that wants to hear it.

"When I do 'Let's Get Rocked', I'm pretending to be Bart Simpson, but when I did it I was 32 years old. Warren Mitchell is not Alf Garnett; Alf Garnett is a sexist, Warren Mitchell is an actor playing a sexist. When we do those songs, we're just portraying a vibe. 'Personal Property' is not sexist, I don't see how anybody could think it is. All it's doing is putting a woman on a pedestal, and you just end up with these typical skinhead, dungaree-wearing women saying, 'Sexist crap'. Get a life! It's just four minutes of rock 'n' roll - and we're the least offensive band around!

"We would never sing 'Back Off Bitch', but did anybody have a go at Axl? No, because they're too busy trying to figure out his personality. With us, I guess there's nothing else to look at..."

THE FOLLOWING day's show at Brown County Arena, Green Bay presents a different band to the one who limped home in Champaign, and their relief is evident. Everything runs according to plan and the crowd are, to quote that song, hysterical.

Fan hysteria is something Def Leppard have had to deal with for a few years now, and there are plenty of tales to tell about band members arriving at hotels to find naked women in their beds, or people who barge into their rooms and refuse to leave. Just what, to Joe Elliott, is the price of fame?

"No throat most days!" he laughs, before continuing, "No, I can live with 98 per cent of it, because this is what I want. The most painful thing about this whole situation is that all your friends become phone friends, I don't get to see United (Sheffield, that is), and because this is an expensive tour and we have to do five shows a week, I occasionally suffer from throat problems.

"We have never had bodyguards, because the way that you project yourself is the way you are responded to. We've always tried to project ourselves as a bunch of normal guys who can prove that you can sell 15 million albums and not have to vomit on a preacher man, beat people up, piss in aeroplane seats, rape women... whatever you've got to do to prove your 'macho-ness' and get publicity.

"The reason Guns N' Roses are so big is that they've got good songs and a bad boy image. What small amount of bad boy image we had died with Steve, and he'd be the first to admit that he didn't sell one record with his image as a bad boy.

"As for the privacy thing, well, I could walk through a shopping mall tomorrow and maybe six people would stop me. So I sign six autographs - big deal! If somebody's following me, though, I get pissed off. I don't like upsetting fans, but some people are so fanatical you can tell them to f**k off and they'll still buy your next LP!"

AND DEF Leppard have sold more than a few. With every album from 'High And Dry' onwards selling on a multi-million scale, sceptics might wonder just how much longer the band can keep up their astonishing success. So how many more albums will Def Leppard make, and can they keep producing those multi-million sellers?

Joe: "Well, if we've got 10 more years in our career, that means two albums! No, I don't know. This one's ('Adrenalize') not gonna sell as many as 'Hysteria', though, I can tell you that now. That one was a phenomenon; it happens once in a lifetime.

"I'd be happy if we sold three million every time. Sales don't bother me much; I'm financially secure, so I'm not motivated by money - I'm motivated by being a better singer than I was on the last album. The challenge on the next record is to see how Viv's songwriting fits in with ours."

So you're not planning a sudden retirement?

"No - though I would hate to see happening to us what happened to bands like Uriah Heep or individuals like Billy Squier, who just disappeared off the face of the earth, because I think we're better than that. I'm not too happy about the fact that we put an album out every four but if somebody said, 'Would you go back and change the way things have gone?', then other than Steve dying, no, I wouldn't. We were the first band ever to do seven million albums back-to-back (with 'Pyromania' and 'Hysteria') and if this one does it, we'll be the first to do three."

AND WITH 'Adrenalize' getting close to six million sales right now, Leppard look poised to break another record and once more rubbish the cynics who say they should pack it in.

An' for Leo fans in Britain, this year still holds a bit of promise. January 18 saw the release of 'Heaven is' as a single, and word has it that the band will also headline an outdoor gig at Don Valley Stadium, Sheffield in September. The latter has yet to be confirmed, but you can guarantee that if Def Leppard are the hosts it's sure to be one hell of a party...

[taysanimaladventures]

Just gonna. Bitch a bit lol. I'm sorry I don't have anything positive to share on here anymore. But I think prospective keepers need to know the shit that happens in this field.

Trigger warnings for animal neglect and death.

I was let go from a job. When I was working part time at my local zoo they underpaid me severely. I needed to take part time because my grandma was dying. I lived with my husband but the pay was so bad and hours were limited to 16 a week so I was forced to get a second job.

I quit the zoo last year which is a whole story in itself, but we are keeping it simple here. I think once I am a but cozy I will share that story and all the other stories at some point. Anyways I stuck with this second job for the past year while processing my grandmother's illness and eventual death to at least earn some income. However after my grandma passed I decided for certain I wanted to leave the industry. I learned the hard way that changing careers is not easy so I was sticking with them only for cash during this frustrating job search.

This second job was taking care of ambassador animals for an educational program. Nothing fancy, just a collection of small mammals, reptiles, amphibians, inverts, and an owl. My boss acted like she worshipped the ground I walked on because I busted my ass trying to help them rebuild their animal collection after their old one was lost to a wildfire.

I did a lot for them. A lot. I found reliable breeders to purchase from, set up the entire animal care work room, wrote care sheets for every single animal, created schedules, deep cleaned, did research and gave advice, and more. All of this while juggling a nasty sleep issue, depression and anxiety from my grandma's situation, and mental health issues up the wazoo from changing around medication.

Now while I bust my balls for my animals, over the years and years of exposure to terrible situations I have not been the most..... palatable person. I had a breakdown when my boss brought in a new bearded dragon and made little effort to quarantine it. I was irritated after the 4th time I come back from the weekend to empty water dishes and dirtier-than-normal cages. I got huffy with the people who take animals for making stupid mistakes, such as leaving a lamp on the edge of a snake enclosure causing it to melt. I had repeatedly requested my boss re-train staff so mistakes were minimal. She always said she would but I never saw a change. She even admitted to me she noticed staff were in deep conversation while handling animals which is probably why the mistakes were happening. And she wonders why I got pissed off at them??

My patience eventually ran dry after like 4 months of this shit and my boss -appeared- to be understanding that I have extensive trauma and I act the way I do because of it. It's not like I ever called anyone a mean name or bullied them, like I was the victim of way too many times when I first started out. I was outwardly unhappy, did not want to converse with anyone, and had a tone and was short sometimes. People still walked on eggshells around me. And you know what? I didn't give a shit and I still don't. I was a lone wolf in my duties and I wasn't required to converse with anyone except my boss. Plus no one here matters except for the animals. When you are careless with my animals, I am going to be pissed off.

But apparently my (now former) boss showed what really matters to her. She gave the keeper who forgot to refill water bowls a million chances to do better and never let her go. That keeper was the reason I even wrote those care sheets. But me? I'm grumpy and I challenge the status quo. Got to go. After blowing smoke up my ass for two years, saying I'm amazing and valuable and I can share anything with her and giving me a stupid piece of tape with stars on it for handling a sick animal.

I snapped from the stress.You should take a break. Ok, I'll take a fucking break! And then, a few days after my grandma's funeral which she knew about, I get an email: Oh so you can't come back this isn't working out anymore.

Sorry, what?

So I am here to shame the other shit this job did. Of course I spoke up, but it did not change anything.

-Two male rats kept in this cage. They were separated because they were fighting. They now live in two of these cages. I asked for a bigger cage. Blown off. I asked if the DIY guy could fuse the cages. "There's no point if we are getting a bigger cage." A year later, still the same cages. Btw they have diarrhea often.

-Rescued bearded dragon was brought in underweight. Boss said feed her insects every day (she was at least a year old, young but not a baby). Beardie starts getting chunkier and chunkier. I say hey we need to cut back in the notes. Ignored for a few weeks. She is morbidly obese. Only then the boss says cut back. She is also dead now and I only know this since I checked records while on "break." Wanna bet that was the morbid obesity?

-Another bearded dragon not feeling well. Eyes closed, black bearding. I'm hollering for him to be seen. "Oh it may just be because it's cooling down." Eventually sees the vet, the fucking quack says he's trying to brumate. I've never owned beardies but I called bs. Nothing was done except blasting more heat on him. Nothing changes. A week later, he vomits blood and dies. It was kidney failure.

-Leopard gecko not eating and slowly losing weight. In the notes several times over the course of a few months, "he is not eating and losing weight." I guess it was my bad for putting it in the notes I assumed were getting read instead of verbally telling my boss. Got ignored until I verbally told her. Gecko needed to be put down.

-Rabbit taken to programs way too often. He comes back and looks worn the fuck out. I bring this concern up to boss. "Yeah, we need to get a third rabbit." But otherwise nothing changes.

-Accepts a hermann's tortoise in a glass enclosure that nonstop runs into the glass, promises a tortoise table but here we are again a year later.

-Says yes to a frilled lizard from the quack of a vet as an apology for what happened with the beardie. Takes the vets word that his enclosure (a horizontal, not vertical enclosure with newspaper only and a red lamp and heat pad) is correct and it's "just like caring for a bearded dragon." The poor thing stops eating and the skin of her frills is dead from being unable to shed. Their solution is force feeding her. Fed up with leadership, I research the species and learned that everything we did was wrong. I set up proper lighting and substrate for her (can't do much about a vertical enclosure). She bounces back.

-"This animal doesn't look good, it shouldn't be taken to programs." "Okay" -2 days later they are back at programs- "Sorry we needed it."

I get that I was not necessarily a great person in this story, but I truly feel justified because this was such bullshit to deal with and now I am truly free of this hellish industry. I am unemployed and it's uncomfortable but it's better than dealing with this bullshit.

To my husband, friends, and family helping me get through this: thank you.

To Stephanie: fuck you.

[whinlatter]

Any hint on when the next chapter is coming? cause IM SO EXCITED AND THIS NEEDS A COUNTDOWN !!! 🫶🏻

ok so! chapter 11! thank you sm for being excited! i'm excited, too!

i have had a few Qs in the inbox about when it's coming, so will give you the lay of the land here. basically i've got good news and bad news (depending on your perspective)...

the good news is - the plan is to share it next week at the latest, and possibly earlier, if i get the stuff done tomorrow that i'm hoping to. if the last chapter was the party, this chapter is the hangover, and it's all blowing up, babyyy. this chapter has some of my favourite scenes i've written in it, including some that have been written for absolutely ages, and it was an absolute treat to write it. the only reason it isn't out already is that i got cold feet about how well it worked as a standalone chapter having cut the original chapter ten in two and posting part one as chapter ten. i felt the part of the original chapter that became chapter 10 worked much better as a standalone chapter (including with a crescendo to a cliffhanger), but the remaining part needed a bit more shaping and restructuring if it was to work as a proper chapter in its own right. so since posting chapter 10 i've been rewriting and reshaping what was the second half of chapter 10/now chapter 11 so that it works better on its own. i think it's much better for it, and also has given me more space and breathing room to add some new scenes and develop others.

the bad news is - after i've posted chapter 11 i'm probably not going to be able to guarantee an update for chapter 12 until january. i've been updating with long chapters pretty regularly once a month since march, and i don't want to hang onto chapter 11 arbitrarily when it's basically done/just to post it mid-december to stick to schedule. but this does mean i won't be sharing another chapter (chapter 12) in december, in all likelihood. this is mostly because i've got a big real life phd dissertation full draft deadline at the end of the year (still amusing to me that in both my job and in my hobby i am just scrabbling to put together overdue chapters i misguidedly promised people), so want to make sure i can make that deadline while still keeping the beasts train moving. it does also mean that in the timeline of the fic, we'll be at new year as actual new year happens, which is sort of satisfying to me in its own way. i hope this is a good enough deal - chapter 11 early (and it's a meaty one too) as a trade-off for having to wait a little bit longer for chapter 12? that's the plan in my mind at the moment, anyway.

thank you for asking anon & thank you for being all aboard the beasts train. can't wait to share chapter 11 with you very soon! 🫶

[apricotbuncakes]

(866) 488-7386

This is the Trevor Project Crisis/Suicide Intervention number.

I talked to someone tonight and she was so fucking awesome. She helped pull me out of my spiral, talked me down from my darker thoughts, gave me encouragement, and told me I was doing awesome for being brave and sharing how I was feeling. It was such a weight off my chest to hear someone else tell me I wasn't allowed to commit suicide (yes, I did ask if she could tell me that, yes she did awesome, and yes I am feeling so much better and am much safer because I called).

This number and others have high traffic because of the election season and the fear surrounding that, but don't let that discourage you from calling if you need to. I was scared to call too, and I tried every other coping mechanism I could think of, but hearing another person walk me through things helped so much better.

Call this number and get help if you need it. And yes, if you're asking "do I really need help?" Or "other people probably have it worse than me" you probably need it more than you realize. At least, that was my experience.

(More info on my experience below the cut)

I have this really weird relationship with suicidality. Like, the last time it was this bad was when I was in middle school. I ended up in a mental hospital because of it, and was relatively okay after I got all the feelings and stuff out of the way. I wasn't even in there a full week. I hated it there, but I know that if things get like that again, where a mental hospital feels safer than being at home, that it's serious. If I'm willing to go to a place like that to keep myself alive, I need help. It's a last minute metric, but it's a metric that's kept me alive so I'll fucking take it.

I actually made a promise to myself then that I wasn't allowed to try and kill myself, and every time it's gotten even remotely close to being this intense I've always told someone. Tonight it's late though, I was running low on sleep, hadn't eaten cause of nausea, and everyone who I wanted to talk to to distract me was either asleep or also on the verge of spiraling, and I didn't want to stress them out more.

So I went to the bathroom, I looked myself in the mirror and repeated "I'm not allowed to kill myself" over and over. It worked for a while. I more or less intimidated myself out of suicide for all of 20 minutes (every minute counts and I'm very proud of that). But it all spiraled again. So I got a notebook, a pencil, and I hit 'call' after dialing the Trevor number. I knew they had high call volumes so I made sure to use the notebook and pencil for something productive (productive as in 'keeping me alive'). I made a list (several pages long) of all the reasons, big and small, for me to keep living. I included selfless and selfish goals. I included the little things like wanting sushi or strawberries again. I included expensive things like going ice skating or traveling to Mexico. I included the personal goals like updating all my IDs to have the same name + gender marker, and getting top surgery. I included that I wanted to help other trans people get to safer places and that I wanted to finish college with a degree.

I have so many hopes and dreams and I'm not allowed to let them die with me. I'm not allowed to die.

And I told all of this to the wonderful woman who picked up tonight. And she walked me through everything, told me that I was okay, that we were all going to get through this together. She helped me, and I gave her the resources I had to look into safer states for everyone. She joked that I was doing her job and we laughed about it. I even told her that she could call or text my number if she needed something (outside of the call back/check up that we scheduled to make sure I was still doing okay). I told her I'd be happy to give her resources. I'm not sure if she's allowed to text or call me as an individual, but I did give her permission to if she happens to be allowed to.

I feel so much better, and the nausea has subsided. I'm going to get some food, lay on the couch, and watch something fun and lighthearted. Because it's been a rough night, and I need something fun. I deserve something fun.

[another-whump-sideblog]

Hiya, how are you doing today?

1. "it's just a fucking [object of phobia/irrational fear], stop being so childish."l

2. caretaker has their own issues so whumpee's sometimes get swept under the rug

For the bad caretaker prompts, please and thank you!

Hi! My day’s been decent enough. I didn’t actually reblog the bad caretaker prompt list (you probably meant to send this to someone else lol), but I’ll do this anyway cause it’s fun and I always want prompts!

Caretaker has not slept in three days.

This, unfortunately, is not the first time, and it won't be the last. But it is the first time they've gotten this sleep-deprived since letting Whumpee move in.

Normally when things get this bad, Caretaker handles it on their own. They like handling it on their own, someone else helping just means needing to worry about making sure they feel like they're helpful on top of everything else. And they would be able to handle it on their own, if Whumpee could leave them alone for two goddamn seconds-

They had been getting a handle on managing full-time work and full-time school and their health and keeping their apartment clean and maintaining social connections and- that's it right? Yeah. They were getting a handle on it, they had a schedule that worked, they were fine, and then their sibling called them crying and begging for a place to stay after years of radio silence (they ghosted Caretaker, their own sibling, with no explanation whatsoever, who does that?) and how could they say no without feeling like a monster? They couldn't. So their schedule is all messed up, and sleep is always first on the chopping block when they need more time.

Something happened to Whumpee. Caretaker knows that. When they first picked up Whumpee they had to take them to the hospital instead of home like they planned because they were badly injured (which they should've mentioned in the phonecall). They have scars they didn't have before and they wake up screaming almost every night. And more than that, Caretaker sees how much quieter they are, how they sit statue still instead of fidgeting like they used to. Caretaker knows something happened, but it's really hard to care when they're freaking out over something like-

"It's just a fucking frying pan, stop being so childish! Why can't I even make some eggs without you freaking out?? Why does everything have to be about you!? I'm not going to hurt you! I've never hurt you! Stop treating me like I'm going to snap at any moment!"

Whumpee's pleading stops. They are so still and so quiet. Their eyes don't leave the frying pan.

Caretaker drops the frying pan and lets it clatter to the ground, making Whumpee flinch. "There are bigger problems in the world than fucking frying pans! I have a life, Whumpee! Fucking- stop it, I haven't done anything wrong!"

Whumpee's eyes are still on the fucking frying pan.

"Unbelievable. I've done so much for you, you don't get to treat me like some sort of monster!"

Whumpee stays still and silent and focused on the frying pan.

"Whatever. Come find me when you're ready to talk like an adult." Caretaker storms off to their room.

--

They wake up hours later. Fuck! They don't even remember going to sleep, and they're so behind on schoolwork-

But that'll have to wait. They groan into their pillow. Why did they say those things??

Whumpee isn't in the kitchen where Caretaker left them. Luckily, Caretaker knows their favorite hiding spots by now, and finds them huddled up in the coat closet.

Whumpee flinches when they open the door, then squeezes their eyes shut.

"Hey." Caretaker sits down next to them. "I'm not mad. I'm... sorry I flipped out earlier. Are you okay?"

Whumpee seems to think about their answer for a long time, then shrugs.

"It wasn't okay for me to say any of that stuff. I didn't mean it, I'm just- I just took a nap and that's the first time I've slept in three days, and I have so much stress right now- but that's not an excuse. Just- it wasn't really because of you. It was because of those things. And me not... handling them properly. So I'm really sorry."

Whumpee doesn't say anything.

"I just... I can't do this, Whumpee. I can't. I can't handle my job and school and myself and the apartment and you. I want to help. I love you so much, Whumpee, but I can't do this. I can't give up my sleep to comfort you after nightmares, I can't- I'm not kicking you out. I just... I need you to find someone else to go to. When I can't be there."

Whumpee nods. "...okay." Their voice is still too quiet, nothing like how they used to sound. "I understand. I'm sorry."

"No, no, you don't have anything to apologize for. It's... fine for you to freak out over small things. You can do that. I was- I got defensive- I felt like you were blaming me. But you weren't, I don't think, you were just... feeling scared. So you can feel scared or feel anything and I'll make sure to remember you can be scared or sad or anything and it doesn't mean you're blaming me just by feeling it. I just... can't always comfort you when that happens. When you freak out over small things. I need you to be able to comfort yourself or have someone to call."

"I wasn't blaming you." Whumpee confirms. "It honestly... has nothing to do with you, usually."

Caretaker laughs. "Right. Nothing to do with me."

"It'll be easier when I'm healed more. I can't do work or school for you, but I can help keep the apartment tidy."

"...yeah. That would be nice." Caretaker really doesn't want Whumpee to help them clean- Whumpee always does it wrong- but now doesn't seem like a good time for that discussion.

The two of them are quiet for a while, but neither of them get up to leave. They just sit with each other, hidden away in a coat closet. It doesn't take long for Caretaker to fall back asleep, and for Whumpee to drape some coats over them in a makeshift blanket.

[sweetdreamspootypie]

🙃

I'm flying out tomorrow

Had a good night tonight

But

Vent / processing / just capturing some of the stuff I've been thinking about

It's so strange how different my worldview is because I'm a Covid nurse

Or maybe everyone else is insane

Who is to say

TW car accident, child injury

Managed to go see the last set of cousins tonight

My aunt was like

" oh yeah last few days I've been really sick

Had a really bad flu

Still coughing actually

But we don't believe in taking to our beds for just a flu lol"

And my cousin mentioned she doesn't know when the last time she took a RAT test was. Didn't even recognize the name. Said "oh yeah that's kind of outdated"

And NOBODY I've talked to has even been aware that there are still Covid booster vaccines happening and relevant?

They only ever had the initial course of 3 or 4 and then stopped? Didn't even know that further boosters are a thing at all?

and cousin told me that you don't take time off work for Covid here because it's not considered life threatening anymore

What the fuck is wrong with england

Why would you invite guests over if you actively have the flu?

Fuck man

Like it was actually a pretty good evening and it will probably be fine

But it's just so weird seeing the increasing divide in basic values

Like yeah I value hard work and discipline and etc etc and I want to get better at it

But how do these people value self care so little?

Idk I'm just hyper aware of it as well bc of my family's thing with chronic fatigue syndrome and how precarious wellbeing is

But also stuff like

Hard work is "being responsible" because idk doing your part at work on the project or whatever

But in my line of work

If I don't rest

If I don't eat or take my breaks or I haven't been sleeping well or burn out

Then I cannot provide the healthcare to others that is needed

I've got such vivid visceral memories of standing there as I'm realizing I need to hit the medical emergency big red button, at times when I'm over tired and not feeling my best self

Feeling my words and thoughts running like treacle and just being so aware of oh shit I'm not actually up for being responsible for this right now actually

And when I'm in that state and the adrenaline hits, it just makes it worse

I can feel my heart pounding in my ears and my dehydration headache and having to muster ok I have to be reassuring and communicative and make sure I'm dexterous enough to manage a complex situation

And if I can't manage it, people get hurt

And there's a very real risk that someone gets closer to death than they needed to, or would have if I had been on the ball and my best self

The other day, on Monday

I had a coffee at 12 noon

It was a really nice rich mocha from a chocolate specialist

I'm not accustomed to caffeine any more these days, so I was awake until 4am Monday night

On Tuesday night, despite being tired, I was also awake til 3am because of the disturbance to my sleep schedule it caused

On Wednesday, I was feeling gross from the sleep disturbance. I went to my room and tried to take an afternoon nap

At 4pm on Wednesday, there was a car accident outside of our house. A car hit a 3 year old child crossing the road with his mother.

My dad came to get me because I'm a nurse and that's my job.

When he came in I was in a groggy half asleep haze

I had my shoes on and was out the door but was still carrying a head of groggy haze

The kid was fine

Someone else was checking him out, asking all the right questions

And within a couple of minutes an ambulance arrived, and got to do a further assessment

It looked like the child had a bit of a bumped knee, probably from where he fell, but was otherwise just fine

Mum with him was being a champion at visibly keeping it together until tonight after the kids are put to bed, when she'll fall apart

I was able to be there to see that it was under control and looked on until the ambulance arrived

But I was so aware that I wouldn't able to clearly speak. Wouldn't be able to project calming competence with even just the simple fact of introducing myself as a health worker available if needed

Everything was fine

But if it hadn't been

I would not have been able to fulfil my role

Because I hadn't taken proper care of myself

I'm going to remember my guilt over one badly planned coffee I had on Monday, for years

Because my job is to be the one who knows how to make it alright when everything is wrong

Why the fuck can't other people do the simple things like isolate if sick

And not expose illness to people going back to the home of their 89 year old grandmother

I don't want to live to work

I want to live well

And wellness and happiness are important values and resources

And not contradictory with working hard to make progress on goals

People need to learn to rest

I didn't realize how bad it was