#and people sort of took it the wrong way

[astrowarr]

i actually don't think it would've made sense for martyn to get the boogey task.

it was literally.. a boogey task. you know, the mechanic where greens and yellows were forced to kill against their wills? because it wasn't actually a zombie apocalypse, remember. not to mention it would've completely destroyed the enter gimmick of the typical red life tasks, which are meant to be fun creative new ways of hurting/killing. also, I think red tasks are set up the way they are in part to increase the survivability of red names, which was super important this session seeing as there was only one left.

also, we all saw how low gem got leading that army through several kills. she died eventually, and even if it was scar killing her accidentally, she was so low at that point it was guaranteed she was going to die for that task. if that was martyn, he wouldn't have even been able to go get a new red task and get some hearts back you know?

"martyn didn't get to do anything because of it!" that was also his choice though! he could've said hey, you guys are slaughtering people? awesome let me tag along. instead he made the decision to stay far away from that because he was very concerned about the way that was going. he purposefully excluded himself from that; there was no stipulation in the book saying "red names can't be involved or help you kill people". I'm not sure if martyn thought that was the case, but it certainly wasn't

idk, I think the fact that it was referred to as "the zombie apocalypse" all session made people forget they weren't actually zombies. they were boogeymen. that distinction matters a LOT

[dazzelmethat]

Long time no Bud. Wow the last time I made her a ref was 2018. I experimented some with her pallet. Unsure if I like the profile head but oh well, open mouthed anime inspired profile faces are notoriously hard for a reason.

Sigh. What am I going to do with her.. my writing conundrum workshopping in tags. My tag rant mentions plot related suicide and ableism (in relation to the zombie trope).

[paimonial-rage]

I have a character analysis ask! :) (Although, it's not from the list you shared.) What would it take for Albedo to get really angry? Like a huge outburst? I have some ideas but I'm curious about your insights. - @mimi-cee-genshin

[Character Analysis Ask Meme]

This is a really interesting ask and I’ve been thinking about it ever since you sent it. There are three answers I have for you, but two are copouts and the last doesn’t satisfy the requirements.

The first two scenarios deal with the same thing: you scare him in some way. This can be achieved two different ways: Klee facing imminent danger that he can’t immediately mitigate and, if he cares about you, doing the same to yourself. Nothing scares a calculated person more than a sudden situation they have no control over. What this accomplishes is putting him into a state of panic. And, should everything be alright in the end, you can rightfully expect him to snap in fury before pulling you in for a hug.

However, the reason why I consider this a copout is that I think this kind of scenario would get most people to react in this way. And while he would be angry and have an outburst, I don’t really consider this scenario “anger.” It’s more panic, you know?

So that being said, I don’t really think it’s exactly possible to get Albedo angry to the point of having an outburst, at least in the typical sense. Albedo is not a burning fury kind of person. He is cold fury. When he gets truly mad, his emotions shut down and he turns into a heartless machine. Think of Scar killing Mufasa, except without the smile and glee. He’d look down at you with ice-cold eyes as he ever so casually pushes you back to lose your grip.

To get him into this state, though, I think it would take work. One possible scenario would be betraying him and then having everything go wrong. Not a cold calculated betrayal (he’d sense your untrustworthiness), but maybe one from fear? For example, he treated you as a friend, but upon getting threatened by the Abyss, you betray Mondstadt in fear of your life, and then whoops, people get hurt and/or killed. In that case, you both betrayed his kindness and ultimately disappointed him. He was wrong about you. You are no better than the dirt beneath his feet.

[watermelon-eater]

i take pride in the country i was born and raised in because the culture is rich and the people are kind but although ive never loved it as a country country it gets harder and harder each year to even tolerate it

[laconchadetumadre]

benjulie's relationship from julie's pov me thinks

[obstinatecondolement]

I think I might finally be (kind of) starting to understand some of the finer details of A/V concepts that have been a solid wall between me and troubleshooting tech-related vidding problems historically.

[scramble-crossing]

"I think it's especially interesting how he considered himself to be at his most "beautiful" once he'd gone taboo. It wasn't about his actual appearance. It was about breaking from the confines of his old body, which lacked the strength to take on the Composer and could never see him through to his ultimate dream of usurping Joshua's position and shaping Shibuya to his own desires. The power he possessed and the violence it allowed him to exert was really an artform in itself. Beauty for him, I think, is in the freedom to shape oneself to their most extravagant desires, which implies a lot about what he might've been like as Composer. Of course, the tragic downside to the actual, physical state of his body tying very little into his sense of worth is how willing he is to tear it apart over and over again to achieve his goals. Very shrewdly mathematical of him."

bro i am metaphorically kissing you on the mouth. you get it. you UNDERSTAND. he uses his body as just another addition to his latest opus. "freedom to shape oneself to their most extravagant desires" is so real, and also "following one's wishes" which is why i think that he gets along with konishi at the end of OG where he says that he zetta digs her style, because she's following her selfish desires to the end and he finds that beautiful. or how he smirks about rindo factoring out how his time travel works, allowing him to manipulate time to his desires. i think that the interest in trash says a lot too. he thinks that anything can be beautiful, no matter how much others view as garbage, because it can be a canvas when heaped together.

"implies a lot about what he might've been like as Composer"

personally i think that people over-exaggerate the whole "he would've turned shibuya into a trashpile!" because we see him capable of supporting OTHER PEOPLE in this too. i think that he would hate anything that homogenized shibuya, even himself. he wouldn't want everyone acting exactly like him or whatever. that doesn't make interesting material for art. instead he'd want to see everyone pursuing their selfish desires with hierarchies ripped apart

^For context I'm pretty sure this is the post anon is referring to

Hehe thanks :] I think specifically his interest in trash is fun because you're really able to take it in different directions based on what you want to get out of his character. "he thinks that anything can be beautiful, no matter how much others view as garbage, because it can be a canvas when heaped together" is one super cool interpretation! I also think that you could take it in a direction where he has a more negative worldview, and his "The world is garbage!" schtick is more about him believing that there is something deeply wrong with the world he is living in and only he can fix it, which could provide a motivation for why he wants to become the Composer. There's no one "right" way to interpret Sho which makes him really fun to write about, you can really do whatever you want with him. Which makes me even more frustrated with how hard it is to replicate his mathspeak...sigh

[todayisafridaynight]

psst for my stream regulars

How does the idea of me starting streams at like 1:30PM (EST) sound. i’ll still plan to run them to like 5:00PM (EST) but now its more definite it’ll actually end then opposed to accidentally going on until like. 7:30PM (EST)

Also im on mobile so i cant make a poll so you gotta let me know through like a comment or somethin ok ty

[jrueships]

isaiah hehe

PLEASE TELL ME YOURE TALKING ABOUT THOMAS

[nostalgia-tblr]

Just to say

I'm not changing any fic titles this week, not because I think the End OTW Racism people are in the wrong to want some sort of policy on racism at at AO3, but because my first thought was "that's not going to work, the OTW board are seemingly very resistant to actually doing anything about this and the only thing that will shift them is a loss of funding or people getting on the board and changing things from the inside" and then my second thought was "but I should do it anyway, in case people think I am pro-racism," which led to my third and (currently) final thought of "oh fuck off, nos, then it's just being performative to fit in, that's worse than just not doing it because you think it's useless." So that's where I am at the moment. I am supportive of anyone who is doing it, and I hope it does have more of an effect than I expect it too, but I'm not doing this specific thing myself because I know that my joining in wouldn't be genuine. This is a me thing, not a you or anyone else thing. (And probably to some extent it's also an anxiety thing, but that's always a factor in almost anything for me.)

[littlestickfish]

Pope Francis removed him for being ridiculously and virulently hateful toward the LGBT and other minority communities, going so far as to say they don't belong in the Church--the Church Pope Francis is currently endeavoring to make safer and more welcoming to these folks.

The misleading part has nothing to do with whether or not it's legal by secular standards. The misleading part is the implication that this was some sort of arbitrary and unreasonable move instead of a rogue bishop who preached hate facing consequences for his actions.

The man was a menace, and this level of disciplinary action is the least he deserves.

im fucking sobbing why did they kill him twice in a row in the community notes

[teaboot]

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

[rose-tinted-nostalgia]

.

[camellia-thea]

.

[inbabylontheywept]

she was dead silent on the drive home, but that was okay. sometimes, after band practice, she was just out of words. it was a short drive to her house. the only part where it actually felt weird was after i pulled up her parent’s driveway. 

after that, the silence stretched so far it smeared and left a weird residue. she kept looking at the car door like she wanted to leave, so i looked at the door too, then she looked at me, and i looked at her, and my first thought was that she was going to tell me that the door was stuck. i was used to that car always doing some damn thing. it was the car me and all my siblings had learned to drive in, and it was really beat to hell. there were dents all over the body, which we’d unsuccessfully tried fixing up with spackle. it had looked nice for maybe a week, but then the sun wrecked it - the spackle cracked up like the mud on the bottom of a dry riverbed and turned a sort of off yellow-white that made the car looked like it had been molded out of chicken shit. it also had a bullet hole it through the cabin that whistled like a toothless old man whenever the car went above 40, so loud it could drown out the radio, and a cabin that smelled so strongly of bugspray that even the arizona summer we drove everywhere we could with the windows down.

(if you have kids one day, you will maybe, possibly, begin to understand how much i loved that car.)

anyway, i was thinking about what else could possibly be wrong with the chickenshitmobile, and she just kept looking at me, and then i wondered if there was something on my face, and she just kept looking at me, and then the penny dropped and i realized she was trying to work up the nerve to break up with me. 

now, i’d seen her work up the nerve to do things like this before – it could take quite a while. and knowing it was about to happen made the waiting immediately unbearable. 

so i said hey. 

and she looked at me, very startled, and said hey back real small. like she’d been caught. and in a way, i suppose she had. 

and i said it’s okay. you can just say it. i’ll be okay.

i’m always okay. 

and she said: i’m really sorry. 

i loved her, you know? it was highschool, but teenagers are capable of love. the way people love changes over time just as much as the way they stand, or the way they talk, but things don’t stop existing just because they're different. opposite really – a thing only stops changing when it's fully gone.

and i said, nothing to be sorry for, and i meant it. she looked a little relived, and i was happy to give her that peace. then she left. i watched her make it through the front door, because that was just habit at that point, and then i sat there a while afterwards, checking how i felt. and the answer was not good, but good enough to make it home. good enough to limp on. 

so i put my car in reverse, took my last look goodbye, and immediately backed into her neighbor’s car. 

crunch. 

air bags didn't go off, which was good. i left a decent dent in the bumper of the other car. genuinely couldn’t tell if i did anything to my car – anything wrong with it just kind of blended together into the general ecosystem of hand mottled, sun cracked, chickenshit spackle. 

i checked my glove box, and my car insurance info was, of course, out of date. my phone was dead too. as a teenager, my phone was less my lifeline to my friends, and more my tether to my parents, so i wasn’t particularly conscious of keeping it charged. both my fault.

i sat there a few minutes, trying to think of the best way to handle things, and there was only one answer i could think of, and i hated that answer, so i spent a few more minutes trying and failing to think of a better one, and then a few more coming to peace with what had to be done. 

then i went back to knock on my now ex’s front door. 

her dad opened, which i was very relieved over, even if he seemed less than thrilled. he looked me over, and in a firm, but slightly apologetic way said: she does not want to see you right now. 

(i think he assumed i was going to try and talk her out of the break up?)

and i said not here for her. i just backed into your neighbor’s car, and i need to call my dad, but my phone’s dead. could i borrow yours?

and he looked at me, then back at his neighbors car, which sure enough was dented, then he looked at the chickenshitmobile, and if there was something wrong with it, it just kind of blended into the general Wrongness of the car, then back to me, and i could see him imagining the last ten minutes from my pov: getting broken up with, backing into a car, having to walk up to your exes door and borrow a phone, calling my dad to tell him that i just reversed into someone.  

and his expression shifted from stern and apologetic to truly sad, which felt more kind that i deserved. things only got here because i kept fucking up - forgot to look behind me, forgot to replace the insurance forms, forgot to charge my phone. it was my mess, but his sympathy meant the world to me. i probably would’ve cried if he said sorry, or patted me on the back or called me sport, but instead he said

stay out here – i’ll bring you a phone.

and then he left.  

i found a nice spot on the lawn in the shade under a sycamore, then settled into his grass.i was trying not to freak out, and was doing an okay job. he came out a minute or so later, not just with a phone, but a juicebox and a jar of green olives, which really threw a wrench in the whole try not to cry thing. soon as i saw those, a few tears squoze out. i was still hoping i could pass them off as Manly Tears but then he told me that he’d gotten the olives a few weeks before and had been meaning to hand them off to me, and that this was his last chance for that. then i made a sound like a horse drowning in a bog, and he patted my back pretty rough, four solid thumps, like he wasn't sure if i was crying or choking on an olive, and was trying to cover both bases at once.

then he went back inside, and i made a few more bog horse noises while finishing off the rest of the entire jar of green olives, and then i called my dad.

he was about ten minutes away that day, and luckily was home. he drove over, and we went to the neighbor’s house, and from there things actually went quite nice. the neighbor was a retired man who actually said he could fix the dent himself, no need for insurance. he said he appreciated that i didn't just drive off, and i said i was really sorry about his car, and he said he was really sorry about my car, and then he gestured to the chickenshitmobile and i laughed because it really was a disaster on wheels.

then we left.

i thought we were going to head straight home, but instead we went to a gas station, and we both got several slim jims that we folded into thick enough coils that we could put them on a hotdog bun because the growing up mormon equivalent of having a sad brewski with your dad is just choosing to make bad decisions sober. then he took me to the canals and we watched the sun turn all orange and pink, and he looked over at me and said:

brains are good at remembering bad days. so you gotta make sure that a bad day has a good part in in, so you can remember that too. remember that when you have a kid. try to do a good job on days like that - they're going to be a big part of how they remember you.

and then he gave me a big hug and said he was never going to eat another slim jim again.

---

the year after that i went to college, which kicked my butt in new and exciting ways. and on a lot of those bad days, after a test that went sour, or a faux paus that was particularly embarrassing, or some other hardship of my new adult life, i’d stop by the gas station and pick up leathery, half jerkied hotdog before heading to the canals to watch the sun set. i’d take a bite and imagine my dad next to me, grimacing through the slim-jim wad, asking what good thing i was going use that time to remember. 

and in my head, i’d say you, dad. 

i’m going to remember you.

[daxite]

i'm so fucking tired about how the internet has to dissolve every discussion into some fucking black-and-white "us vs. them" shit