#and panic buys things again like covid time ten

[secretly-a-cold-blooded-murderer]

Five Thousand Miles

Warning: Angst, descriptions of covid patients’ suffering, hospitals

A/n: I researched a lot about what covid patients go through in a hospital and their treatments but still took a couple creative liberties so I apologise if the descriptions aren’t accurate. Do tell me how you liked it!

Summary: Y/n tests positive for covid-19 and has to be hospitalised. Her boyfriend, Harry is five thousand miles away from her.

“Harry, I’m scared,” Y/n confessed as she readied herself, struggling with wearing her mask and gloves while also balancing her phone to continue talking to her boyfriend on FaceTime.  

“It’ll be alright, you are taking every precaution you can. Plus, you have to get out of the house sometime, you can’t survive on air alone. Trust me, baby, you can do this.”

Harry’s voice was keeping her grounded, she wanted to continue talking to him but knew it would be impossible to shop and talk to him at the same time, so she nodded at him, “You’re right. Okay, I’ll call you when I get back. Safely.”

Taking a deep breath, she went out the door to a world of germs, people, and newly acquired viruses.

Being in the middle of a pandemic alone wasn’t her favourite situation to be in. It felt better when she had company, people who would help her buy the essentials. As soon as situations eased up a bit, her quarantine partners left New York to be with their families. She was all alone now.  

Looking at all the empty streets, Y/n was left with a weird sensation. The city that never slept had never been quieter. She was so used to being woken up by car horns and car alarms in the morning that during the first few weeks of lockdown, she found it hard to wake before noon. This quiet was almost poetic, like the stuff of post-apocalyptic films. Y/n wasn’t sure if the silence comforted her or terrified her.

There were more people in the store than she had expected, though all in their masks, she breathed in relief. She went straight to the personal hygiene section, remembering the most important item on her list, only to find that the store was all out of toilet papers, the one thing films didn’t guess would be a big problem. She rolled her eyes at the selfish people who had panic-bought more stuff than they would have needed.

She tried every store near her neighbourhood, and eventually was able to get the last set in the final shop she visited. Tired from driving all over the city in search of toilet papers, she went to the check-out line to finally buy her stuff. 

Standing in her place, Y/n noticed the people in the store, few whose foreheads were furrowed, their eyes darting around making sure they were maintaining the mandated distance from others, panic evident on their mask-covered faces. Some others appeared plain bored. Already used to the new routine and just wanting to get it over with. 

She was so lost her observations, she almost didn’t hear it, the woman behind her in the line coughed loudly, making people jump farther apart than the required six feet.

“It’s just allergies,” the woman announced in a nasal voice, rolling her eyes at people’s reaction. 

As Y/n’s turn came at the check-out counter, she found herself frozen to the ground, she didn’t know why but the cough threw her off. It felt weird to react the way she did, but she could not make herself move. She was nervous. She wanted to laugh at herself for feeling this way because of a measly cough, but it wasn’t so simple and right now all she felt was fear.

“Oh for god’s sake,” the woman moved forward, pushing her aside and placed her items at the counter. Even the employee there seemed wary, but knew he had to comply to keep his job.

It was only after the woman left, was Y/n finally able to move, she shook her head as if to shake the incident away from her mind and finally paid for her items.

She ran all the way home, even though she knew she shouldn’t have. She couldn’t help herself, she just wanted to move away from the public and into the safety of her home as soon as she could. 

As she entered her house, Y/n felt her chest tighten, as though someone was sitting on it, she couldn’t breathe properly. It felt like she was breathing through a squished straw. 

In between her wheezing, she searched around for her inhaler in her side bag. She felt her breath coming back a few seconds after she breathed in the medicine. She fell to her knees in exhaustion and took in a few more breaths to calm down.

She then picked herself up and embarked on an extensive set of tasks- Taking off her gloves and mask, removing her shoes at the entrance of her house, washing her hands. But, this somehow didn’t seem enough to her, so she went ahead and took another shower, just to be extra sure.

While in the shower, she cursed her asthma. It wasn’t usually a big hurdle in her life, but now, everything was a hundred times worse. This was the first time she had feared for her life. Her anxiety was at an all-time high and all she had to keep her sane was her daily FaceTime calls with Harry.

Opening her laptop to do her work, she checked the numbers again- seventy thousand new cases. She sighed and closed her laptop, not having the motivation to do any work. She scrolled through her social media to distract herself only to be shoved more news about the coronavirus, she let out a groan of frustration and switched off her phone, deciding to take a nap instead.

Only she couldn’t sleep. She thought back to all the plans she made with Harry, promising him to be there next to him while he toured the globe. She laughed at the situation and how no one in a million years could have guessed the current world state.

She didn’t know when she fell asleep, but she must have as she woke up with a jolt in her bed after a strange dream. She shook her head and looked out her window to see the sky dark. She switched on her phone, it was 8 pm. She cursed to see three missed calls from Harry and one from her friend, Sarah.

Preparing herself, she called Harry. 

“Where were you, I called like three times?” His voice was deeper than usual, she guessed he had just woken up because of her call. She calculated it to be 4 am in London, where Harry was. She felt bad for waking him up like that.

“I know, I switched off my phone and fell asleep. Sorry,” she grimaced.

Harry hummed in acknowledgement, “how you doing?”

She could hear rustling on the other side and imagined a sleepy Harry sitting up in his bed, his hair messy from his sleep, “Just missing ya’.”

“I know, I hate that I had to leave you like that, wish you could come with me,” there was a hint of a whine in Harry’s voice which made Y/n smile.

“Wish I had a visa for England, I really wanted to come too,” and she meant that. At least that way, she wouldn’t have to be alone.

“I’ll video call you tomorrow, it’s late here, or rather early,” what he was saying next was obscured by his yawn. She sighed, she missed him too much.

“Yeah sure, see you tomorrow, bye.”

“Bye.”

When the call disconnected, she messaged Sarah to ask what the call was about, who didn’t respond. She shrugged her shoulders and went down to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner.

~

It started with a headache. She didn’t ponder much on it and instead only took medicine to curb the pain enough to continue working. 

It was when she felt a certain roughness in her throat, did she pay attention. Her cough worsened within days, she was having a hard time breathing normally. It felt like a less severe but constant asthma attack. She took her temperature, which showed her to be having a fever at 101°F. 

It took her some time to even process what was happening to her, she initially wondered if it could be the flu or something non-covid, but she knew she couldn’t take the chances. Harry was the first person she informed.

“What are you saying?!” Harry was frantic, his forehead creased as he ran his fingers through his hair, messing them up.

“I have a fever, a cough, and I’m having difficulty breathing,” counting the symptoms on her fingers, she informed him again.

“It could be the flu, Y/n you didn’t even go outside. How could it be anything else?”

“H, I did go out to buy supplies, didn’t I? Maybe I got infected there somehow. We shouldn’t be kidding ourselves. I have to at least get tested.” You didn’t want to show him just how scared you were, but it was hard to keep your voice from cracking.

“I am scared, H,” you let the tears out. Your shoulders shook while you tried to wipe your tears as they were leaking from your eyes.

Harry closed his eyes, not being able to see you sobbing, “I know baby, but I know you’ll be strong. I will take the next flight to LA. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He promised, his mouth set in a hard line as a strong look of determination crossed his face.

  She shook her head with as much strength she could muster, “No Harry, you shouldn’t keep travelling, plus, you can’t stay with me and I don’t want you staying at some hotel. It’s not safe.”

“Bu—”

“—I won’t hear another word about it. I have Sarah, and you have your work to take care of. I will be fine.”

She knew Harry wanted to say more, object to her claims, she would not be fine. But he knew it would be of no use, once she had made up her mind, it would be impossible to change it. So, he settled for a low nod.

“Keep me updated, I’ll also talk to Sarah. She better be there for it all. You should now call your doctor, see what’s the next step.”

Y/n nodded, smiling that Harry understood. She didn’t want to trouble him. She also wanted to pretend for a few more seconds that this was not a big deal.

She called Dr Gupta, her heart was beating at an all-time high and her energy was at an all-time low. She barely had enough breath to tell her doctor about her situation who booked an appointment for her to go to the nearest covid testing facility.

She took a deep breath, wore her protective gear and drove to the testing lab which was a ten-minute drive from her place. She was already out of breath by the time she reached the place.

When she was done with her test, she felt worse than she had before. Sarah called to check in on her, but Y/n didn’t have the energy to talk so Sarah video-called her, seeing Y/n’s face would have to be enough for her at that point.

Sarah’s eyes softened, seeing her best friend heaving, eyes shut and groaning due to her chest pain. But she knew, more than anything, her best friend was scared.

“I hope with everything that I am that the test comes back negative,” her voice was tinged with worry and genuine hope.

Y/n could only nod.

The call came two days later, Y/n sat up in her bed, she had been dreading this moment these past days, with Harry and Sarah to distract her.

The test came back positive.

She fell back into her bed, cushioned by her pillow and started shaking uncontrollably as she sobbed.

She felt insanely dehydrated by the time she stopped crying, she didn’t even get to call either of her friends. She stood up with a groan, and following one slow step after the other, she went to the bathroom to wash her now tear-stained face.

The call she made to Harry wasn’t an easy one. She knew he would take the news worse than she had, and her reaction was not a light one.

“I prayed. I promise I prayed Y/n,” his words were almost indecipherable in between his cries. His every tear followed the other with a ferocity never before noticed by Y/n.

Her own tears followed suite, she was so sure she had finished up all her tears, but she was proven wrong. Soon, the only conversation happening between the two was through their sobs.

She wanted to curse all the gods, she didn’t want to go through the pains of having this disease and she didn’t want to do it alone. Even though she had Harry and Sarah standing right beside her, knowing they would not be able to meet her in person, she had never felt more alone.

“I don’t feel good, H,” she confessed. Breathing was becoming difficult day by day, she would rather have an asthma attack twice a day than having this constant pressure on her chest and throat. She knew she had to tell him, “I have to get admitted to the hospital first thing in the morning tomorrow, they say my covid could be worsened because of my asthma,” she let out in between a series of coughs stopping her after every word.

Harry nodded, his heartbeat rising. He cursed himself for leaving his girlfriend alone in the country. If he hadn’t left, she would not be going through this, “I’ll tell Sarah, you go rest,” he promised, seeing it get increasingly difficult for her to even sit up in her bed.

If Y/n was scared before, then the hospital made it thousand times worse. It was a scary sight, the covid ward was in an isolated area of the hospital, the doctors and nurses were in full PPE kits, the patients were lined up next to each other separated by curtains. She passed a room with ICU written on the glass door. With what she could see, she noticed several other patients, some with masks covering their nose, probably providing oxygen. Others seemed in worse conditions, they were intubated via ventilators. 

Seeing them facing the same crisis together, although away from their families, but forming a new family of sorts in solidarity to their conditions gave her little comfort. Those who wore the nasal masks and thus still had the ability to talk were speaking to each other, even reading something from their phones to those who were on ventilators. Covid had seemed like a situation she would have to go through alone, her initial views though were changing.

She was admitted to the regular covid ward, with the rest of the non-critical patients and would be observed overnight. She was assisted with oxygen through a nasal mask, just like the people around her, she had noticed.

“Hey, I’m Cecilia, call me Cece,” a thirty-something woman introduced herself from beside you. The curtain was partially open, allowing Y/n to see only her face.

“Y/n, nice to meet you,” she called back, smiling as much her energy would allow.

“Never guessed this is how I would be spending my lockdown,” she laughed lightly, pointing to her mask. She then followed it up with a cough, groaning with the strain.

Y/n felt bad for her, only to be subjected to the same.

These were going to be some long days. Though she did feel better knowing she would not be facing this alone. She looked around the room, at probably twenty patients around her, in the same situation as her, if not in worse conditions. She then thought back to the people in the ICU and what they must be subjected to.

Her phone brought her attention to itself, it was Harry FaceTiming her; putting on a smile, she picked up the call. 

“Hey handsome,” she suggestively raised her eyebrows, not wanting to worry him any further.

Harry did not even notice her words, he was too busy gawking at her nasal mask, “what is that?” worry coating his voice.

“Oh just my new accessory, you like it?” although Y/n wanted to look nonchalant, the pain in her voice could not be hidden, she sighed, “They are giving me oxygen through this.”

Harry’s eyebrows were knitted together in worry, Y/n wanted to make him feel better. She could not rest knowing her love was out there worrying about her, “Look I made a friend,” she turned the camera to Cece laying next to her six feet apart, “Cece, say hi to my boyfriend, Harry.”

She had forgotten her boyfriend was a big deal but was reminded of it by Cece’s gasp, “Harry freaking Styles ohmigod ohmigod,” Cece squealed, making Y/n forget for a second that she was not a teenager.

“Hullo love,” Harry greeted her in his ‘fan voice’, a smile graced her lips. “Hope you beat covid and get better soon.” Cece’s smile made Y/n realise how long these people had gone without having a reason to smile and how desperately they needed it. 

 Cece’s squeal garnered the attention of the people around them. Noticing the pop icon on the phone screen, conversations started flowing between everybody. Introductions were made, friendships were formed and smiles were passed around, along with Y/n’s phone. So, she asked a nearby nurse if they could access a bigger screen so everyone could see and talk to her boyfriend.

When the staff hooked up a screen, Harry gave all the patients an impromptu concert. Y/n had not smiled in days the way this concert had made her. She expected fear, anxiety, deaths and instead got friends, laughter, and music.

When Harry was done performing for his audience, he gave her a brief look. “I love you,” she whispered to him, smiling when he returned the words.

The next day, she was woken up by the noises around her, she panicked for a moment, not recognising the place she was in; but calmed when she regained her senses and noticed the blue curtains of the hospital, several machines and the people they were attached to. 

She made a short conversation with Cece but had to stop because she was getting out of breath. With every passing moment, her chest pain too was increasing. She did keep listening to people chat around her. Some were on calls with their family, others were busy reading books and listening to music. She kept getting shouts of gratitude from the people in the ward for Harry the previous night.

For the next two days, that kept her going. She learned about her fellow patients, Jonathan was 59 years old, his son was an engineer and he couldn’t have been more proud; Jaya was a 42-year-old woman with bronchitis and wanted to visit Paris at least once in her life. Marc was a 50-year-old diabetic who was in a band in the 80s, they were planning a reunion show. She met countless people, each with their own stories. 

At about 10 am on a Thursday, her situation worsened. The doctors had come for a routine checkup, only to see that her oxygen levels were dropping steadily and she needed immediate assistance.

She was shifted to the ICU ward. She had to be intubated and thus was given a board and marker to write anything if she wanted.

“—Yes sir, she was shifted to the ICU this morning—”

“—We can’t say much right now, but we’ll inform you if anything changes—”

“—Okay, take care, Sir.”

Y/n heard bits and pieces of the conversation her doctor was having with Harry, although since she was on medication, she couldn’t register much of it. The nurses brought her phone to her, a silhouette moving on the screen.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?”

Y/n pondered how to describe the immense pain burning through her respiratory passage and the lack of oxygen eating away her lungs and not give him nightmares. So, she offered him a tired thumbs up.

Harry watched his girlfriend cough, her face contorting in pain and could not control his tears, he didn’t want to think about the worst-case scenario but could not stop his mind from going there. He knew how low the chances were of people on ventilators coming back. But he had to remain positive, someone had to. She needed him to be strong for her. So, he wiped away his tears, put on his best brave face and talked to her.

He called her every three hours. Giving updates to her about his day, talking to her about whatever he could. He talked enough to compensate for the silence on her part. She smiled through every sentence, even though he could not see it, even though it wasn’t visible on her face, even though she didn’t have the power to, she smiled.

And she listened. So she didn’t have to focus on Josephine dying next to her or Augusta who was a hair length’s distance away from dying the previous day. Even though doctors told her that her situation was worsening, she listened because that became the only thing keeping her from giving up.

As her pains didn’t go away, and her condition worsened further, she was given sedatives and was thus mostly asleep. Which she was thankful for, for she couldn’t take it anymore, she just wanted to rest.

Dr Garcia came by routinely to check on her, talking to her about the outside world, gave her the gossips being passed around the hospital. Even though she was barely awake to listen to any of it, she was thankful for the kind doctor providing a calm lull while doing her job.

“Mr Styles, I’m afraid her condition isn’t getting any better. She should have shown atleast some improvements,” Dr Garcia informed Harry in a heavy voice.

On the other side of the line, Harry didn’t know what to do, it felt like someone was pulling away the floor under him. “What happens now?” He asked, praying for some hopeful news.

“We really can’t say much, each case is different, but it would be better uhm,” the doctor was thinking through her words, wanting to be as considerate as possible, “is there any family of hers that would want to talk to her?”

Harry almost let out a sob as he realised what the doctor was implying ‘is there anyone who would want to give her a final goodbye?’

“No, Y/n’s family passed away in an accident when she was 16, it’s just me and Sarah,” he explained, his voice on the verge of cracking, it was becoming harder to get words out of his mouth. He didn’t want to talk anymore, he just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

“Oh, I understand,” Dr Garcia nodded, feeling sorry for the young girl who had stolen the hearts of everyone in the ward. She was a sweet girl, who had dreams and still held love for life even after everything she had seen. “This is not the end, Harry, she can still recover, God, I pray she does, this is not the end.” She really believed the words she was saying and wanted Harry to feel the same.

He nodded, tears clouding his eyes. He too really wanted to believe that.

A beat of silence fell upon the conversation, both in deep thought, “Harry, she wrote something on her board when she was awake yesterday,” Harry’s ears pricked up, “she wrote and I quote ‘I will not give up’ with a smiley face at the end. She is a fighter, you remember that,” Dr Garcia gave her parting ways and went back to her work.

Y/n’s words were imprinted in Harry’s mind. After the call, he made himself more presentable, wiping his tears and drove up to the church near Y/n’s house. He had come back to LA after Y/n was admitted to the ICU. He couldn’t be five thousand miles away from her in that condition.

The church was almost empty, which was surprising to Harry, given the situation, but he wasn’t complaining. He walked up the aisle, his hand grazing each wooden bench as he reached the altar and kneeled. He didn’t what to pray or how to pray, but he tried anyway. He closed his eyes and called out to God; he prayed with every part in his body, with every bone, every muscle, every fibre of being for his love to get better. For her to keep fighting. And for him to gain enough strength to deal with it all.

All this time, he had been feeling so helpless, not being able to do anything to make her better. But he made peace with the fact that the only thing he could do right now was to have faith. To have faith in God to guide him and her, in Y/n to be the stubborn strong-willed woman that she was and continue fighting, he had faith in his faith and that it would not disappoint.

He stayed there, talking to God until the closing hours. He then went back to Y/n’s place and sat on the sofa, waiting by his mobile, ready for any phone call he might receive.

He was awoken the next day by his phone ringing on the coffee table next to him. He looked at the time, it was noon, he picked up.

“Congratulations Harry, she’s getting better,” the relief was evident in Dr Garcia’s voice.

Harry felt himself getting physically lighter.

“I mean there is still a long way to go, but her oxygen levels are rising, her lungs are recovering, she’ll be soon able to breathe on her own. Harry, she did it, she won,” Harry didn’t listen to the rest of what the doctor was saying, he was too busy falling in love with the love of his life. It felt like he himself had come back from the dead. He knew his faith could never disappoint.

“Thank you doctor, I’ll be waiting for the call when you tell me she’s tested negative,” he laughed, his lungs breathing in air after what felt like a lifetime.

Dr Garcia chuckled along with him and agreed, telling him Y/n would call him when she woke up.

~

“You know I love you right? My fighter,” Harry tightened his grip on her hand and kissed her knuckles.

Y/n’s head fell back as laughter bubbled out of her, “You just told me that like two minutes ago.”

“I know, but a few weeks ago I thought I would never get to say it to you ever again. So, I will keep reminding you every minute that I love you and that you are the strongest person I know,” he snaked his arms around her, placing his head on top of hers, “I really missed holding you.”

She breathed in Harry’s scent, slowly regaining her sense of smell, she had missed this too. She cupped his cheek with her right hand and gave him a light peck.

Harry grabbed the back of her head, keeping her lips on his, deepening the kiss. When they separated, he rested his forehead against hers, not wanting her to move even an inch away from him.

Noticing her deep breaths, he whispered in her ears, “This is the only reason I want you to be out of breath. This and well... the other one,” he smirked.

“Oh hush you,” Y/n blushed, she sucked in a breath through her teeth, “Shit man, I love you.”

[bitletsanddrabbles]

Life In These Pandemic States

Back in April, 2020, I made a post about being a street level essential worker. Here we are, nearing the end of January, 2022, and it seems like a good time, for posterity sake, for an update on life.

Of course, with my last post one of the first (and most distressing) things that happened when people started responding was that it turned into a 'whose grass is greener' pissing contest. So, before we get going, I just want to be 100% clear  - this isn't about who has the greener grass. No one's grass is green right now. If someone has green grass, it's AstroTurf or they bought a can of spray paint. Everyone's grass is dead and brown, it's just some people's has a kinda funky texture that has to be seen to be believed.

And then there are the medical workers. Their grass keeps catching fire.

Seriously, though, between people in quarantine whose cabin fever has gone terminal and essential workers - at all levels - who just break, I don't want to know what the suicide rates have been through this thing. That has to be ugly.

And it just keeps going. Delta became Omicron became who knows what comes next. People keep talking about the polarization of America, that includes the split between the people who think there should be a maximum two people in a store at a time with the surfaces fully sanitized in between customers and the people who think if they just act like the pandemic is over, it will be. I work in a stupidly large warehouse store that can easily see ~5,000 people a day. Half of them want you to sanitize their entire cart, including the wheels; the other half fight you over wearing masks.

We're short staffed. People will nod and go 'Ah, yes, people have quit in the infamous Staffing Shortage', but no. On paper, we're fully staffed. In reality, between Covid and the flu, we have more people out at a time than I can count. A couple of people are out on bonding leave and things like that, but most of it is illness and most of the illness is Covid. The internet is railing against the CDC saying asymptomatic carriers and people waiting for their tests can come to work, but honestly, if they don't, we don't have enough staff to run the business. I saw a post on the staffing shortage pointing out that businesses are using it as an excuse to see how much they can do on how little that ended with the OP bemoaning 'it's like they're trying to make the customer experience as unpleasant as possible'. You think having to wait behind nine other people in a line is bad, try being the cashier at the head of that line, buddy. I used to say that 98% of our customers were at least inoffensive, if not straight up nice people, and it was the last 2% that would ruin your day. That's crept up to at least 5% and let me tell you, 5% of 5,000 is not a small number.

But yeah. The customers are the most important part of retail. Everyone knows that. What is this ‘essential worker’ garbage? We’re not essential, we’re lucky to be able to serve someone who’s had to wait in a ten person deep line to buy stuff from us. Thank you for giving us this honour.

And then problems that you think would go away....don't. The rules keep changing. It's not as bad as when the whole thing started, but they're still shifting around a bit. People keep coming into the store who haven't been here since the first wave of shopping panic and somehow they expect everything to work the same. Even the ones who don't fight you need to have things explained, so you're explaining a million times a day how the new system works. No, we don't wipe the sanitizer off the cart handles. It needs to dry there to be effective. Yes, you do still need to wear a mask. The store is big, but it's also crowded, and it's still an enclosed space, so no, the state mandate isn't null and void here. Then something will disrupt the supply chain and oops, there's a limit on water again and, no, sorry, you can only have one case. I'm sorry that your religious function requires three, you can only have one. Because your religious function does not make your more important than the other 49,000 people who walk through that door. It’s called ‘sharing’ - but we can’t actually say that, ‘cause it’s rude.

We still can’t talk back. Some of us are starting to kick at that. Some of us are fraying enough that we’re testing to see how much talking back we can do before we get written up. But 99% of the time we still have to just sit there and take whatever the customers dish out, because if we aren’t the whipping posts for someone else’s bad day, we could get in trouble.

Of course, we're required to wear masks if we want to have jobs. It's not only a state mandate, it's a store mandate. The anti-maskers, though, all assume you're one of them. They'll come in an start making commiserating comments about what a nuisance they are, how hard it is to breathe, what a loser our governor is for making us wear them, about how we're all going to vote for someone else next election so we can finally take our masks off. Meanwhile I'm sitting there breathing through two layers of cotton for eight hours a day, wishing more than anything that people who just do the bare damn minimum so that I can stop. But I'm on the clock, so I can't just scream at them for daring to joke when they are literally the ones making me do this! Seriously, there was a month in summer of 2021 where if you were vaccinated - which I am - you could take your mask off at work. I didn't, unless I was outside, but I could if I needed to. Then numbers spiked again and here we are, right back where we were, because people don't want to do the basics.

Restricted breathing raises anxiety levels. It's a proven fact. So our lines are long, our customers are getting more assholish by the day, the internet is making staff shortages about the customer, and while we can breathe through our masks, we can't do it well enough to avoid massive anxiety. Most of us have had at least one minor mental break down, and we're all waiting for someone to just have a complete nervous melt down in the middle of the store.

When work is over and the mobs are gone, the isolation sets in. That's the massive bugger, at least for me. I'm at least lucky enough that my parents are close, so I see Mum daily (we live a block apart and are basically a two campus household) and Dad comes for lunch once a week. That's it, though. I don't go out shopping, just buy everything at work. I don’t go to the movies. My next closest relatives are being hyper paranoid about the whole thing and since I'm around so many people a day, I'm not allowed in their house. It makes me feel like Typhoid Mary, honestly. My friends aren't close and have jobs, so there is exactly one who I see once a month, period, no more. It's winter so standing around outside chatting to the neighbor across the street doesn't even happen. And it’s not just that I don’t want to, it’s that I can’t. Even if I wanted to, I can’t.

So I spend all day absolutely surrounded by people - so many people - too many people - and then I come home and face cabin fever and isolation issues.

I need social interaction outside of work, and all I have is social media. Social media is not mentally healthy. So I come home from work, which is long even on the good days. I get on tumblr hoping that I can relax and enjoy some cat pictures and maybe some fandom conversation with like minded individuals, but there's a 50/50 chance that instead I'll just find something that hits off a raw nerve which, hey! Super easy because all seven trillion nerves are raw af. At least here I can fight back when people piss me off. Of course, I know I should try and keep my stressed out, utterly shot temper to myself, because I know that everyone else is probably doing just as badly, but they all seem so normal compared to what I'm going through and so comparatively calm. And I know part of that is an illusion and part of it is because the people in really terrible situations - the abuse victims stuck at home with a partner who's going mentally awol, for instance - aren't online talking about their shit. But all of the posts and conversations and everything just seem so normal, so much like they've always been, and no one else seems to be transforming into an overly touchy bitch, and I want to know how the hell everyone is so OK. And I want to know because I want to be OK again. I want to be happy and fun to be around and fun to talk with. I want to have conversations with people where none of us are complaining about anything. I want to fucking enjoy something every now and again, instead of just talking about what’s wrong with it.

And spending time on tumblr makes me stressed and anxious and not being on tumblr makes me stressed and anxious and so we have this lovely vicious cycle that just keeps going in a lovely downward spiral and at some point something has to give.

This can't go on forever.

Something, somewhere, has to give.

I just hope it's not me.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Dreams and Nightmares

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: covid fears, nerves, fluff

Request by anon: hi there! i think i saw that requests we’re open and was wondering if i could have a one-shot with jensen x 15ish daughter reader or (something akin to that), where jensen and the reader play a song together play Dust in the Wind together at a con or jensen and the family goes to watch the readers pop punk/punk rock concert? (she’s a guitarist) sorry if this was very oddly specific, i’m just kinda down about not being able to play any gigs right now.

Summary: You love playing guitar and touring with your band. this whole virus put an end to everything that gave you joy. This is the first date that you get to go back out there, and you’re nervous as hell. Luckily, you have your dad to get you through it.

Squares Filled: panic attack @badthingshappenbingo​ // first time @spndeanbingo​ // “Don’t do anything I would do, and definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” @spnquotebingo​ // dreams and nightmares @genprompt-bingo // first date @goodthingshappenbingo​ // free space @spnfluffbingo​

Author’s Note: This is unbeta’d and all mistakes are mine. If you have any requests, please send them in!

This whole virus took the entire world by storm. No one saw it coming, and no one expected it to get this far into 2020. This entire year has been a shitstorm, and what’s worse is that all your concert dates have been canceled for the remainder of the year. The only way they are coming back is if this virus goes away, and that’s not likely at all.

Playing guitar is something you’ve always been passionate about, and you learned everything you know from your dad. When he goes to conventions with Jared and Misha, he can’t wait to get his hands on a guitar and play in front of everyone. It’s a gift, and he likes to share it with anyone who is willing to listen.

When you got old enough, he let you come to conventions with him instead of staying at home with your mom and siblings. It was a fun change of environment, but when you got into that green room, it’s where it felt almost like home. All the instruments were in there, and whenever your dad wasn’t on stage, he’s let you play some of them and teach you.

When you got even older, he let you come on stage with him and play along with his songs. The crowd loved you, and that’s where your whole career started. Everyone loved you so much, you took that confidence and energy and used it to create your own band. Every band starts off rocky, but you’re actually shaping to be a really great one. You gradually moved from cover songs to writing your own.

Every time you walked on stage, you felt like you could do anything and play anything you wanted. The crowds adored you, they sang along to your songs, and they provided with so much energy it was unreal. Why do people do drugs to get high when they can experience the highs you always get whenever you walked on stage? Playing music is part of who you are, and this whole virus thing put an end to that.

You couldn’t do concerts, you couldn’t go to music stores to buy new strings or guitars you really wanted. No one was allowed to go anywhere, and if you tried playing on the street, people stayed away from you. It tore your heart to pieces not being able to play, but it broke your father’s heart even more.

You were such a lively person before any of this started, now you’re a shell of who you used to be. Nothing really gets you excited anymore. Jensen doesn’t really know what to do except watch as this thing kills you from the inside out. All you do now is sit inside your room and play some of your old songs to try to remember what those feelings once felt like. Your band doesn’t even want to get together to practice anymore, and you’ve become so sad.

When will this virus thing end? This year? 2021? Never? All you know for sure is that you can’t wait for it to be over. Then maybe you can start feeling like yourself again, and actually enjoy making music.

During this time, not only did you spent all your time inside your room, you’ve been writing your own songs about how you feel and about this time. You have so many songs you’re in love with, and you can’t wait to perform them to your band and to the world when it’s ready to hear them. For months, you’ve been writing songs like it’s no one’s business, and you didn’t think you’d get to perform them so soon.

Now you can.

It’s unreal to think how much time has passed since this whole virus thing started and look at where you are now. You’re about to walk on stage again to perform to so many people who have been waiting for you to get together. The virus thing isn’t over by any means, but you made it so you could perform. With seats being six feet apart, doing more than one show in a city so that everyone can see you, and the guards handing out masks to everyone who doesn’t have one. It’s not perfect, but it’ll have to do for now.

It’s been months since you even set foot on a stage, and now that you’re here, you don’t know if you can do it. This is the first time you’ve been on stage in months, this is the first date of your concert, and everyone is counting on you to make this work. Your entire band is nervous, but you’re the most nervous of them all.

It’s just about ready to start, and you’re still in the green room with a panicked look on your face.

Jensen is waiting in the audience with his wife and other kids, but he knows something is wrong. The band hasn’t come out yet, and the concert doesn’t start for another ten minutes, but he can feel that something is wrong. He’s been on the other end of this too many times to ignore his gut feeling.

“I’ll be right back,” he mutters to his wife before leaving her side.

The guards stopped him from getting backstage, but once he explained to them that you are his daughter (and after he showed them ID to prove it), they let him through. He knew where the green room is, and when he entered, he saw you in the midst of a panic attack.

“Y/N, you’re okay,” he says and rushes to your side.

“What if something goes wrong?” you hyperventilate.

“First, you need to calm down. Okay? I’m right here. Focus on your breathing and slow down,” he says, and you nod frantically.

Your heartbeat is wild, your eyes are wide, and your breathing is ragged, but the more you stare into your father’s eyes, the more you calm down. Jensen smooths back your hair when he knows you’ve done what he asked.

“Okay tell me what’s wrong,” he says in a comforting tone.

“This is the first time we’re back on stage. What if I mess up? What if we’re not ready? What if--”

“Whoa, one thing at a time, sweetheart,” he interrupts you. “You know you’ve been practicing for months. You and the band have got this. You know you can do it in your sleep.”

“I can do it in my sleep,” you whisper.

“Look, I know it’s scary being back after everything, but you have to know that you are not alone. I am going to be right there, cheering you on. Your mom and sisters are out there right now because they are so proud of you. I am so proud of you. Whenever you feel nervous or scared, you look right at me. You have got this. I believe in you, sweetheart.”

“I love you so much,” you say and hug him tightly.

“I love you too, love bug. Now, get out there and kick some ass. Remember, don’t do anything I would do, and definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“What does that mean? You always say that.”

“It just means have fun, and don’t be afraid to try,” he smiles and kisses the top of your head.

“Hey, Y/N, we’re on in five,” one of your bandmates says when they enter the room. “Oh, are you okay? Hi Mr. Ackles.”

“Hey kid.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right out,” you nod, and he leaves the room.

“Kick ass out there.”

“I will,” you grin and kiss him on the cheek.

You follow your bandmate to the stage as your dad makes his way back to his seat with the rest of his family. You get on stage and into position at just the right time because the concert begins. You know these songs by heart, and your fingers play them effortlessly as they know the rhythm.

All your fears, dreams, nightmares, and worries are on stage right now, but as long as you have your dad right there supporting you, they don’t seem so bad. Those fears mist away, worries turn into excitement, your nightmares turn to dreams, and your dreams shine through the smile on your face.

This is your dream, and you can’t wait to follow it until the very end.

Wanna get tagged? Add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why! Follow my library blog @queenofdeansbooty-writes​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can follow that if you can’t be tagged!

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[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I need to come up with a way to bribe myself. That’s all there us to it.

The reason? I am 100% pro vaccine, not afraid of shots, and and .... I haven’t gotten the covid vaccine yet. 

See, my phobia, my blinding, incapacitating terror, panic attack inducing fear, is health care professionals. There are reasons I won’t go into, but suffice to say if I were an adult, or maybe even if these things happened in the more aware current world, people would be in jail for some of what happened to me when I was a little girl. Not only do I have PTSD like symptoms connected to it, I haven’t visited a doctor in almost 30 years. I don’t even watch medical dramas, EVER. Growing up I ruled out anything that would include a physical, and was very upset it meant giving up some of my dreams.  Letting some fuckin’ health care professional touch me is the hardest thing imaginable for me. 

And before you ask, yes I tried the therapy thing. Finding one that would even consider treating me in this hick area was almost impossible. The only one that did had a wee bit of trouble getting that I am not afraid of needles or the like but those abusive self absorbed assholes in scrubs. One conversation about myself generally had him declaring me a “very unusual person” and then not bothering.  Options aren’t great in the rural south, especially when you live below the poverty line anyway.

And also, yes, I know that phobia will probably lead to a premature death from something treatable. But hell with it, I’ll die with my body my own.

So, anyway, until now I’ve been putting off the vaccine. The nearest place to get it is ten miles away. I’ve been busy or injured or something. I never am around anyone, so it wasn’t like I had anyone to infect or get infected by. But I really can’t keep this up, especially since I expect to be the only person still wearing a mask next time I go shopping.

What I need most is someone I trust, someone I’d feel would watch my back, tell me it would be alright that I’d believe, or even just hold my hand. 

I don’t have anyone. 

TBH, if my parents were still here it might not help much anyway. They loved me but never really were help with this. They just assumed I’d get over it, at least when it was important. A smart person doesn’t yield to fears I guess, and I was supposed to be smart. Maybe I was just a fool all along. 

Then again they would probably be able to drag me along for this, even if they found my fears exasperating. I dunno. Pop’s dead, Mom’s not in a position to help, and there is no one else.

So now I have to force myself. But how?

 Reason doesn’t work. Fear of covid doesn’t work. Promises of things I’ll get to do once fully vaccinated won’t help when I don’t have anything I’ll get to do different (broke, no social life, chained to the feeding schedule of the animals). All I have left is bribing myself.

And that’s the trouble. What kind of treat can I offer myself in exchange for the emotional agony? It has to be good, something I wouldn’t otherwise buy or do, an indulgence. But I’m broke. I can’t think of a single thing under $10 that would feel special enough to make up for even the anxiety I feel now in anticipation.

Geez, if only they’d give me the hypodermic I’d inject myself. I once many years ago cut a growth off my on leg with a razor rather than go to a doctor, so a shot would be a snap.

Speaking from experience, give me rattlesnakes and loaded guns pointed at me head any day. Things like that are calming and I feel invigorated afterwards. I can take so many things that frighten “normal” people, but this? If I didn’t have to drive myself I might experiment with getting drunk for the first time in my life first!

[magpiefngrl]

helloooo! reflect: what are 3 things you have accomplished this year that you are proud of? and alter: name 3 ways your life is going to positively change next year. for the new year, new asks! pls and thank youuuu!! And if you don't like those, pic some you like! :-D

Hello, love! Happy New Year!

reflect: what are 3 things you have accomplished this year that you are proud of?

This is a hard one, because in a year of quarantine, self-isolation and anxiety, at first glance it feels like I achieved nothing? But that isn’t the case, and I appreciate how this ask makes me think of the positives.

Under the cut because this got super long.

1. A couple of months ago I was appointed as a supply teacher in secondary education in a small, gorgeous Aegean island. The state here controls all teaching appointments, and the applications took place in spring. Pre-covid, luckily. I hadn’t taken part in this process for many years and had a lot of paperwork to complete. For a whole week, I was constantly busy with getting documents sorted, my French language certificate translated and stamped by a lawyer, checking and rechecking if I’d forgotten something, and then going to the offices to submit my documents at the crack of dawn because there were thousands of people applying (now all my paperwork is online, so won’t have to do it again, thank Dionysus). It was a hassle and a half and the kind of thing that made me give up in the past. I’d totally give up and tell myself I’d find something else or continue living off the salary of my summer job.

But I persevered. I told myself I’ll go through the hassle even if it amounts to nothing (and I honestly didn’t think I’d get a job). I did it, and then in October, out of the blue, I got the email and got a position in one of the prettiest regions in my country. Two people before me rejected it, that’s why I got it. The island is tiny with everything that entails, but for me it was a most welcome change and what I needed to get out of the rut I’d been in for years.

This is the architecture of the island:

2. In March, when covid started spreading in Europe, I was so anxious. I can’t even describe it. Full-on anxiety and panic attacks daily, unable to stop looking at the news every ten minutes. Stuck at home, jobless, it was all I did. I needed something to get my mind out of the news and so I started @lockdownfest with 3 lovely and generous friends ( @tackytigerfic  @shealwaysreads  @nerdherderette). The fest gave my mind something else to focus on, which worked like magic. The response from all over tumblr was phenomenal. It seemed to give people the distraction they needed at the time and we received over a hundred works in dozens of fandoms.

3. In the summer, a couple of weeks before @bixgirl1‘s birthday I had an idea for a gift fic for her. I was immediately beset with doubts and worries, because I have trouble finishing fics. didn’t think I’d manage to complete it, let alone gift it on time. But I couldn’t stop thinking of the idea and I knew Bix would love it, so I forced myself to ignore the doubts. The words poured out of me. I spent over three weeks of constant writing and enlisted the help of a wonderful beta who stepped in at very short notice and didn’t hate me when the “5-7k at most” fic I’d planned became 20k, and later 26k. I wrote the thing, and not only that, but I managed to gift it on (or around) her birthday. It was the first long fic I’d finished in ages, and I was so happy to know that I could still do it. (fic’s here)

I do notice a theme here: perseverance. A mentality of: “Oh this is tough, but I’ll do it anyway” whereas in the past my attitude was “Oh this is tough, I can’t do it”.

alter: name 3 ways your life is going to positively change next year.

1. Due to this job, I’ll have a steady income till June, which is something I haven’t had in a while. It gives me a great sense of security. I can also buy more books!

2. When lockdown is over and the weather improves, I’m hoping to explore this region and do a little travelling around the nearby islands. I’d really love that.

3. A couple of days ago I got a manuscript critique to do (3 chapters) and I’m hoping that this year I can do some freelance critiquing (dev editing) on the side. It’s something that I feel I’m quite good at. I worked on a friend’s book over the summer and I loved the experience.

Thanks for the ask! Apologies for the length x

new year, new asks

[duchessfics]

Midnight Disclosure

(https://friendly-deatheater.tumblr.com/post/152731371953)

(https://alainashuffman.tumblr.com/post/66522632737/sarah-paulson-in-piggy-piggy)

Billie x Fem!Reader x Audrey

Requested by Anon: hi! i was wondering if you could you write some fluff for billie x reader x audrey? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 i’ve gotta a lot of tough stuff going on and on top of that the world is going crazy, so my mental health isn’t doing very well. maybe r feels like a burden and doesn’t really talk about her mental health or problems because she doesn’t want to bother anyone so she avoids billie and audrey. you are one of my absolute favorite blogs!! take as long as ya need writing this!! ☺️💕

Warning(s): Mentions of anxiety and depression, description of a panic attack, Mentions of Covid-19 

Summary: On the eve of current world events, the reader is overwhelmed but doesn’t want to bother her girlfriends with personal struggles. However the truth eventually emerges and they offer support in a way that she hasn’t experienced.

Word Count: 4347

A/n: Tbh, I’m a little nervous to publish this just because I know Covid-19 is everywhere at the moment and it’s frightening. But I thought this could help with those of us who may feel overwhelmed or are struggling to fight inner demons. I am fortunate enough that even though I’m currently laid off from work I am in a relatively stable environment. And my heart goes out to everyone who is struggling right now.

With the time I have now I’m trying to write more and publish some content where if nothing else you can get an escape for a couple minutes. I’ll also be reposting others’ works too. If you are struggling know that I care about you and am willing to listen even if you just want to be anonymous. Wherever you are in the world I’m sending positive thoughts/vibes/prayers your way. 💖

“Y/n, darling!” Billie calls out from the kitchen. 

In response you get up from your spot on the couch and walk over to where she is. When you enter the luxurious kitchen, the medium gives you her million dollar smile and curls her finger in a beckoning motion, showing off her fresh set of acrylic nails—cherry red of course. 

You smile back, cheeks warming as you come within close proximity. Then she leans in and pecks your lips before asking you, “Were you busy, sweetheart?” You shake your head and ask, “Why?” Billie takes a step back and picks up a slip of paper off of the countertop while replying, “I wanted to ask if you could run out and buy a couple things we need?” 

You take the list from her and scan over the items before returning your gaze to her chocolate brown eyes and asking, “Is Audrey around to come with me?” The blonde gives you a sympathetic smile and lifts one of her hands to cup your face before she answers, “She’s rehearsing her lines for the next couple days of work. And I have a conference call with a couple of producers in ten minutes.”

 You look down and nod in understanding, but feel bummed that you’ll be going alone. However Billie uses her hand to guide you to look at her before soothing, ��When you get home, Audrey and I will give you something special. Ok?” 

The way she smirks at you makes your ears burn and a small giggle slips out of you before you reply, “Ok.” Her hand falls away from you and she gives you another brief kiss, letting her plump lips press against yours a little longer than before. Then Billie says with a wink, “I’ll see you later, babygirl.” 

You tell her goodbye and gather your purse and keys before walking out to the multiple car garage. Then you climb into Billie’s “old” sports car. In reality, the car isn’t that old, but she bought a new one and has basically given you this one. You climb in, turning the car on with a low growl and speed off to one of the local grocery stores…

You assumed this would be an easy in and out task, however as you pull into the parking lot it is jammed packed and you struggle to find an available parking spot. 

Maybe...there’s a really good sale? But you have never seen the supermarket this busy. 

Finally you find a space to pull into and step out of the car, list in hand. While walking towards the entrance, people pass by and have their shopping carts filled to the brim with cleaning items, toilet paper, canned goods, and water. Beyond the stuffed shopping carts, you also notice that each person’s facial expression is tainted with worry. 

In the midst of looking around, you nearly get run over by someone pushing their cart towards you. Luckily you back up out of the way with a gasp as they say on the phone, “They’re running out of everything. I’ve never seen so many empty shelves. You better come here soon or it will all be gone.”

Without you consciously realizing it, your heart rate has increased and you take shallow breaths. But you look to the ground, trying not to notice the numerous other people around you. 

You can do this. You only need three things: eggs, milk, and a bottle of Audrey’s favorite brand of fruit juice. No big deal. 

But when you enter the bustling building, a small whimper escapes your throat when you see the massive line of people checking out. Each cart is packed with items and the employees rush around trying to appease the masses. 

You don’t realize you’re frozen in place until someone brushes past you, letting out an annoyed huff. 

Maybe you should get more? You could call Billie—except she’s in a conference call. Should you call Audrey? She’s working too. You can just grab a couple extra things. Deep breaths. You can do this. 

You grab a shopping cart and wipe the handle with a sanitizing wipe before beginning to navigate through the packed aisles to pick up the items…

By the time you return to the car, your breath is stuck in your throat and your eyes smart with tears. You manage to unload the grocery bags of items into the car’s trunk before you get into the car and break down into tears. 

Yes you bought the three items. But in your panicked state you also filled your cart like everyone else. And you weren’t fast enough to even get any toilet paper or sanitizer. Why do you always fail when it’s most important to perform well? 

Your hands shake in fear and you know you just spent much more than you intended, but you’re so scared. Everyone is rushing around and things are flying off of the shelves so you panicked. As you cry and gasp for air, the thought crosses your mind to call your girlfriends. 

But they’ve never seen you like this. And you don’t want to bring them down. They’re so busy right now. You don’t want to burden them with your irrational thoughts. So you do your best to pull yourself together on the drive home.

When you pull into the garage and turn the car off, you make yourself take a couple deep breaths, collecting your emotions enough to get past them. For now you only pick up the three items you were sent out for and leave the rest to bring in when they’re gone. You were out for at least an hour, but hopefully they won’t notice.

You walk in to see Audrey pacing the length of the kitchen while listening to someone on her phone. She huffs and crosses her one arm over her chest, not giving you more than a stiff smile and honestly, you’re grateful. 

You slip off your shoes while she scoffs before arguing, “I don’t see why we are considering not filming at this point. I have been thoroughly rehearsing this role and have plenty of auditions and other projects after this.” 

Meanwhile you hear the news playing in the background from the living room.

 As she keeps pacing, you quickly put the items in the fridge, listening to her continue, “We’re already behind on production. If we don’t keep going now this will be a complete loss for everyone involved. Yes, I’m sure that I would take that risk to finish filming.” You silently leave the room and peek your head into the living room where Billie stands with her back to you smoking a cigarette while watching the news.

Before you can get any more anxious, you clear your throat and softly murmur, “I-I got everything on the list. I’m just going to lie down and rest for a bit.” She lets out a puff of smoke before partially turning towards you, but her eyes remain on the TV as she mindlessly replies, “Alright, thank you, sweetheart.” By the time you finish mumbling, “You’re welcome.” she’s back to watching the news. So you back into the hallway, your shoulders sagging as you hear Audrey’s frustrated words and the news.

Once you make it to the bedroom, you shut the door behind you and make a beeline for the bed. Then you flop back on it, letting out a sigh. 

However, you shoot back up and mutter, “Shit.” 

How could you be so stupid? 

You rush over to the bathroom and turn on the sink tap, wetting your hands before scrubbing them with soap. After humming happy birthday to yourself two times you rinse your hands and dry them off, just finishing when your phone rings. 

As you walk back to the bedroom, you pull your phone out of your pocket to see it’s your sister. So you press the answer button, sitting on the edge of the bed as you say, “Hello?” 

She greets you before asking, “Have you been watching the news? They’re saying the coronavirus is spreading especially quick in LA.” You let out a sigh, trying not to panic again as you answer, “Yeah. Things are pretty chaotic, but I just went grocery shopping so we should be good.” 

In response she warns, “Just be extra careful. This whole thing is getting worse and worse. Try not to go out.” You assure her you won’t and tell her you love her before saying goodbye. Then you fall back against the bed and snuggle under the covers. 

Maybe a nap will help you. 

But just as you get into the foggy daze of sleep, your phone dings. So with a groan of annoyance you pull out your phone to see your mom texted you, 

Did your sister call? 

You quickly reply, Yeah. Then you toss your phone out of arm’s reach before burrowing back under the covers.

However, your phone dings again, interrupting your quiet time. Maybe if you ignore her you can just text later. But after hearing 5 more dings, you toss the covers back with a groan and pick up your phone. That’s when you see your mom has texted you five times. 

She’s really concerned about you in LA. 

I don’t know if you’ve been watching the news, but this is all they’ve been talking about. Everyone’s saying they’ve never seen a global pandemic like this.

And LA is one of the hot spots. Did you go out and get essentials? Think through what you’ll need for the next couple weeks and go fast. It may all be gone soon and who knows how long it will be sold out.

Also try to do some things even when self-isolating. We all know how you get in situations like this.

Are you reading any of this?

Your eyes well up at that last text. Maybe you are just a burden to the people around you. 

Before she decides to call, you sniff and swipe away the tears that threaten to fall before texting back, 

Yeah. I got stuff today. 

As soon as you send it, the message says read and three dots show up on the screen. Your stomach clenches with nerves as they continue to bounce. You are positive that she’s going to send you a long message and sure enough a wall of text appears:

Don’t let yourself sleep these days away. Spend time cleaning the house. Exercise. Read that book I sent you. Don’t spend all day on your phone. That’s a complete waste of time. Don’t stay up late at night. Eat healthy, keep a regular schedule. Do some knitting. Spend time cooking. Go outside. This is not a time to stay in your pajamas and watch TV all day. Don’t fall into bad habits because of a lack of self awareness and self discipline. If you do this time will be incredibly disappointing and wasted. These are just a couple small things. I love you and only want what’s best for you.

By now you feel that earlier heaviness resettling on your chest and the pressure of her words just feel like too much right now. So you turn your phone off and set it aside before sliding under the covers and succumbing to the darkness…

At some point you must fall asleep, because you’re awakened by a soft, British voice saying, “Y/n, darling. Are you awake?” You shift under the blankets and they get slowly drawn back to reveal Audrey smiling down at you as she comments, “I don’t know how you fall asleep with all of those covers pulled over you. You’re like a little mole.” 

Your eyes squint as they adjust to the light and you shrug your shoulders, still feeling quite drowsy. But her face gets serious and her eyes narrow before she asks, “Is something wrong? You look upset.”

Your heart clenches as you realize how your eyes probably look puffy and irritated. Luckily, you come up with a quick excuse, saying, “It’s just my allergies. They flared up for some reason.” 

Her disposition goes back to normal and she nods in understanding, making you inwardly let out a sigh of relief. Then she says, “Well, I came in here to tell you that dinner is almost ready.” So you assure her you’ll be out in a few minutes and freshen up before joining your girlfriends at the dinner table.

As the three of you eat, Billie says, “I was talking to my producers and it looks like we’ll have to delay filming after this trip.” You feel guilty for being relieved, but can’t contain the small smile that forms on your face when the medium looks at you. She smirks back and purrs, “I wonder whatever I will do with all of the free time after that?” Your cheeks heat up at her insinuation and she gives you a wink, leading you to look down to hide your grin.

However, the moment is broken by Audrey stating, “Well I still plan to travel and film. This whole thing is ridiculous.” 

Your smile fades at her words and Billie looks to the actress before teasing, “Awe come on, Audrey. Don’t you want to spend time with y/n and I?” But Audrey scoffs and sternly replies, “I have worked my ass off for this role. So unless everything shuts down, I will be traveling to finish filming.”

Your eyes widen at her determination, but you keep quiet, looking down to your food. On the other hand, Billie doesn’t seem fazed, assuring her, “I’m sure it will all be fine, darling.” before she picks up her glass and finishes off her wine. 

You try to finish your plate of food, but the anxiety you feel makes your stomach unsettled. All of this turmoil makes you feel like your anxious thoughts are eating you from the inside out. But you don’t say anything. Why trouble them when they have enough on their plate?

The rest of the evening goes by in a blur of watching TV and even though you sit next to your girlfriends, your mind is miles away stuck in a loop of anxiety about your girlfriends, your family, your friends, and even the world. These fears continue to run through your head and get bigger to the point that even though you lie in bed you can’t fall asleep. 

The faint sound of Billie and Audrey’s even breaths is soothing and you’re happy to see them both fast asleep with peaceful expressions. Normally you don’t catch them sleeping, but whenever you do they both always look so beautiful. 

Just being able to watch both women makes your heart feel like it’s going to burst. You love them so much. 

The way Billie flirts and compliments you all of the time especially when you’re down on yourself. Or how she showers you with gifts and will always hold you close. 

And Audrey. Sweet Audrey is always there to cheer you up and notices anytime you don’t seem to be doing well. She even did today. And if you ever question how essential you are to this relationship; she’ll immediately share how essential you are to them. If something happened to either of them in all of this—

That’s when you come back to reality and feel the tears streaming down your cheeks. Before you can get loud enough to wake them you slip out of bed and leave the bedroom. The first place you walk to is the kitchen where you get a glass of water, sniffling through your tears. 

Then you step over to the living room and take a seat on the couch, quickly finishing off the water before setting down the glass. While you feel anxious enough to stay awake, your body is also worn down from the panicked state you have been in all day. So you play a game on your phone. The minimal strategy is enough to distract you and as you begin to feel your stress and anxiety fading you hear from behind you, “What are you doing out here little mouse?”

Even though you recognize Billie’s voice, you still gasp and whip your head around to see her standing in the doorway with slightly mussed hair. But she still looks breathtaking. 

You look down and shake your head while muttering, “Nothing.” 

That makes her brows furrow and she comes closer as she replies, “It doesn’t seem like nothing, babygirl.” Then walks around the back of the couch to sit beside you. At first you turn to look away, but Billie softly says, “Hey,” then she brings her hands up to cup your face before guiding you to look directly at her. However, her brows are slightly furrowed when she asks, “Have you been crying?”

While she keeps your head from turning away, you can’t keep eye contact as you reply, “I-It’s stupid. I’m just being dumb.” The medium gently shushes you, skimming the pads of her thumbs along your cheek while murmuring, “Whatever is bothering you isn’t stupid, y/n. And you aren’t dumb. Please tell me what’s bothering you, darling. You can tell me anything.” 

While your mind scolds you for being weak right now and screams that she doesn’t really care, your exterior cracks and, after swallowing enough to feel like you can speak, you barely whisper, “I’m scared.”

Billie scoots closer, still keeping your face cradled in her smooth hands as she asks in a voice still husky with sleepiness, “Oh, honey. Did Audrey or I do something to upset you?” 

Right away you shake your head and reply, “No, never. It’s just…when I went to the grocery store today it was packed with people rushing around and grabbing things.” 

Then you take a deep breath before shakily continuing, “All anyone could talk about was the coronavirus. A-And I saw store employees being yelled at by multiple people. And when I was in the cleaning section there was this elderly woman looking for toilet paper—”

Your voice catches and you get teary-eyed as you whimper, “A-And the shelf was completely empty. P-People were pushing and shoving and she was just trying to pass. She looked so defeated and it—it broke my heart. That’s someone’s grandma and if someone did that to my grandma I would be so upset.”

You begin to shed tears as you continue, “Then when I got home, my sister and mother both contacted me about the coronavirus saying what I should do. Even though they were trying to be helpful I-I got overwhelmed. And just watching the news while knowing you and Audrey are traveling—”

You let out a choked sob before rasping, “I’m just so scared, Billie.” 

While you can’t see her face due to your blurred tears, the medium brings her hands away from your face to gather you close to her while murmuring, “Oh, sweetheart.” In response to her warm hug, you wrap your arms around her and cry into her shoulder. Then you say between gasps, “I-I told you I’m being dumb.” 

Billie strokes one hand up and down your back in a slow motion, softly shushing you while soothing, “You’re not being dumb, y/n. These are scary times. And I’m sorry we never asked about the grocery store or how you were feeling.”

After a while, you feel yourself begin to settle and merely let out soft hiccups whilst nuzzling into the bend of her neck. Her smooth, soft hair gently caresses your forehead and cheeks and she keeps quiet besides softly shushing you, holding you close to her. 

You feel spent as you mumble, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for all of that to come out.” 

Billie guides you to look at her and wipes away the stray tears on your sensitive, puffy cheeks as she murmurs, “You have no reason to be sorry, y/n. I sometimes forget what a kind, tender heart you have. You care about others around you so much it’s no wonder everything feels overwhelming right now. But that’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.”

Normally people would call you a “worry wart” or just tell you to stop being anxious, but you’ve never been told that it’s due to caring about others. You do care. And being anxious doesn’t have to be bad or make you a bad person. It just took someone rephrasing what you have been feeling in a way your own brain wouldn’t allow.

You’re not the problem. 

You give Billie a wobbly smile and whisper, “Thank you, Billie.” She smiles back and leans towards you, running her nose against yours as she replies, “You’re welcome, babygirl.” 

You keep quiet for a moment, feeling better. However, you straighten up and while you wish this wasn’t nagging at you, you need to know. So, you ask, “Will Audrey really still travel? Or you? It seems so dangerous to travel at the moment and I don’t really want to be left alone—”

Your girlfriend silences your worries with a soft kiss before soothing, “It’s ok, y/n. All of my travel ended up getting postponed. So, I’ll be home with you the whole time.” 

That confirmation leads you to let out a breath of relief and you nod. Then Billie loosens her hold on you and suggests, “You should tell Audrey how you feel.” 

Her idea makes you stiffen up and you look down to the lacy hem of Billie’s baby doll nightgown as you reply, “I don’t know…she talked about working so hard for this role and I don’t want to be the selfish girlfriend and take that away from her.”

The medium chuckles, making you look to her face and she says with a smile, 

“Now y/n, you know how dramatic Audrey can be at times. I know without a doubt if you told her how you feel she would reconsider. And, if nothing else, she wants to hear from you, honey.” 

She has a point. You bite your lip, pondering her words for a moment before slowly relenting, “I guess I could say something to her…”

Billie’s grin grows and she gives your cheek a small pinch before assuring, “I know you can do it. And I’ll be with you the whole time.” So, you return to your bedroom, holding Billie’s hand the whole time, and when you step into the darkened room, you see Audrey nestled under the covers breathing deeply.

Billie leads you over to the side of the bed the actress is closest to. Then, with one encouraging nod, she releases your hand and you slowly climb up onto the bed. Once you’re on, you place a hand on the her shoulder, gently nudging her while whispering, “Audrey?” 

She shifts in her sleep and turns to face you, opening her bleary eyes while she drowsily slurs, “Yes, darling?”

As soon as she shows any semblance of being awake you wrap your arms around her middle and pull her close to you, making her squeak in shock as you begin to plead, 

“Please don’t leave LA, Audrey! Please! I know you worked hard to get this role, but I don’t want you to get sick or be separated from me and Billie. Just please stay home. I know I’m being selfish, but I love you both so much and don’t want anything to happen to you. I’ll do anything you want to get you to stay home. Anything—”

While her senses are still fogged over from sleep, she lets out a low chuckle, hugging you back before she croakily soothes, “Hey, hey it’s ok, sweetheart.” making you stop your pleas. 

Then she pulls back to see your face when she asks, “You love us?” That’s when you register that you said those words. 

While you haven’t said those words out loud before, you don’t regret saying them. 

You nod, your cheeks warming as you look to her and shyly answer, “Yes. I-I love you, Audrey.” Then you look to Billie who still stands beside you both and say, “I love you too, Billie.”

Both women smile and Billie murmurs, “We love you too, y/n.” Then Audrey presses a kiss to the corner of your lips before huskily purring, “We both love you so much, darling girl.” You sheepishly smile and turn to face her again, sharing a brief kiss on the lips. 

Then she looks to you and apologizes, “I didn’t mean to frighten you earlier. While we’ll be tying up a couple loose ends the next couple days, it looks like any further production has been delayed. So I’ll be here. Ok?” While you feel bad, knowing how much Audrey loves acting, you can’t help but feel relieved. You nod and reply, “Ok.”

Billie starts to join you both on the bed, so you shift to let her have room. However, she takes your wrist and teases, “And just where do you think you’re going, babygirl?” 

You look to her smoldering gaze and slowly answer, “My side?” The medium chuckles and murmurs, “Oh no, that just won’t do. You can stay in the middle so both of us can love on you.” Her sultry tone makes you blush, and you nod at her instructions, staying put while both women move to keep you in between them.

Once you’re settled, Audrey spoons you from behind and Billie snuggles into your front. For the first time today, you feel the weight completely lift off of your chest and within minutes your eyes begin to get droopy. 

Billie tucks your hair out of the way while soothing, “If you start to feel anxious again, you can always come to either of us.” Then Audrey kisses just behind your ear and murmurs, “Whatever happens we’ll get through this together, love.” You relax into their arms and nod, sleepily saying, “Thank you.” And even though you still have feelings of being worried and depressed, you begin to sense a pinprick of hope in the midst of the tumultuous unknown.

Tagged @marilynroselleprentiss​ @saviorinsilk​ @chokemepaulson​ @versonstar​ @find-me-a-constellation​ @cordwliagoode​ @psychobitchtess​ @midnight-lestrange​ @mysweetdelia​ @venablesbitch​ @peachesandlesbians​

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

Please remember: you matter, you’re important, and you add beauty to the world. Sending love. 💖

[atc74]

Heartbeat - Chapter Two

Warnings: COVID-19, Croatoan, Fluff, quarantine, Mentions of fever, coughing, (Each chapter will have additional warnings).

Summary: Sam, Dean, and Y/N are sheltering in place at the Bunker, researching this new virus that has created a world pandemic. But what happens when one of your own is immune compromised?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1850

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches​ because she’s the best

A/N: I’M BAAAAACCKKKK, well, mostly :) I know I’m not the only one struggling with life right now, and writing has been hard. Thank you all for sticking it out until I was able to get something together for you guys. This is only temporary and will pass. Keep your chin up and try on your jeans every few days.

Heartbeat Masterlist

Like Dean’s scent? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

Previously…

“Sam, I’m sure you both took the necessary precautions. Dean’s a germaphobe by nature so I’m sure he is out there now, sanitizing his Baby already. He wore a mask, didn’t he? And gloves?” 

“He sure did. Got some strange looks and things got a little dicey at the liquor store, and the drugstore. I don’t know why people are still hoarding toilet paper and feminine hygiene products,” Sam said, a look of disbelief on his face. 

“It’s actually a psychological response to minimize risk. It’s an emotional contagion as well, so when it starts happening in one part of the country, that news spreads and it drives people, either by fear, anxiety, or panic, into doing the same thing. I get the toilet paper, since that is a need everyone has, but tampons, really? I don’t know why I’m surprised by anything at this point,” Y/N chuckled a bit as she reached for one of the bags to help Sam. 

“No!” Sam pulled the bags back from her. “Sorry. It’s just, um, can you please go wait in the library until I get all of this unpacked and sanitized? Please?”

“Yes, I can. Thank you, Sam. I appreciate you and am thankful for your concern,” Y/N smiled as she rose to her feet and made her way down the hall. She loved Sam as more than just a brother and her best friend. He had become her physical therapist of sorts, designing different workouts for her to keep her body strong when the MS wanted to take it from her. Sam had also done extensive research on different dietary and nutrition plans that people with MS have had success with combating their symptoms. Dean was her emotional rock, while Sam became the physical one. She lowered herself into one of the recliners and picked up a book. She’d had enough research for the day and some Harry Potter was what she needed to take her mind off things.

Now…

“Hey, honey, wake up,” Dean whispered, his breath fanning across her face as she stirred. 

“Hi,” she smiled, stretching. “Did I fall asleep again? What time is it?” 

“Yeah, you did,” Dean affirmed. “It’s just before six and dinner is almost ready. You hungry?” 

“Starving!” Y/N said, getting to her feet and wrapping her husband in her arms. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. Just, it’s crazy out there and I’ve never seen anything like this before. Not even with the Croatoan virus back in oh six. That was small beans compared to the shit that is going on out there. We need to be even more careful than ever before. You can’t afford to get sick, honey. And I can’t afford to lose you,” Dean admitted. 

“You and Sam are taking all the necessary precautions to make sure that doesn’t happen. I trust you both with my life,” Y/N leaned up, sliding her lips gently over Dean’s. 

“I talked to your dad today. He is on his way to Rufus’ old cabin in Whitefish. He wanted to come home, but,” Dean paused, not sure how to tell his wife that her dad can’t be there right now. 

“I know, baby. And, he knows, too. I’ll call him later, let him know I’m okay,” Y/N nodded. “Let’s eat.” 

Over the next several days, the news reports were filled with more cases, more bodies. The National Guard was being mobilized in New York and Milwaukee, among other cities. Hotels, motels, and college dormitories were being converted into quarantine facilities as the virus continued to spread, despite the recommendations of federal and local government. Social distancing, shelter in place, and flatten the curve were terms used so many times in too many reports. 

“So get this. You know how Chuck’s been throwing this temper tantrum? Destroying all the other worlds he created? What if, and this is going to sound a little out there, even for us, but what if, this is Chuck’s plan for our world? He knows he’ll never get the ending he wants, Dean and I killing each other. So, he’s decided to spread this virus, create a pandemic and kill off humanity?” Sam proposed. He leaned back in his chair looking between Dean and Y/N. 

“Why wouldn’t he just snap his fingers and Earth go boom?” Dean asked. 

“Because it’s too easy and frankly, it lacks the drama he’s looking for. If he snaps his fingers, who is going to be here to care? If this is his plan, killing off humanity slowly, then it’s all over the news. People are fascinated by tragedy, driven by it, and he gets the audience he craves,” Sam shrugged. 

“So how do we stop him?” Dean pondered. 

Y/N shook her head, ridding it of the current conversation. She was going stir crazy. In the last week, Dean had cleaned every weapon in the armory and Baby. Sam had inventoried three storage rooms, even one he didn’t remember they had. She couldn’t look at another news report. 

“Dean, baby. I need to get out of the Bunker. Please,” Y/N begged him over coffee during the fourth week. “I’ve been cooped up here for weeks. I need to see the sunshine, feel the wind on my face.” 

“Y/N, honey, it’s not safe out there,” Dean shook his head. “I can’t let anything happen to you. You’re my world.” 

“Dean, I know. And I’m not asking you to take me to the store, or anything crazy. What if we just take a drive? I can see the sun, feel the wind. Just you, me, and the open road?” Y/N was practically purring in his ear. 

“No more than an hour, and I mean it, Missy,” Dean stood, pointing his finger in her direction. 

In less than ten minutes, they were in the car and headed down the dirt road leading from the Bunker. It was a beautiful, warm spring day and Y/N could already see the fields blooming with wild flowers as Dean sped past them. Placing her hand in his as he drove, she slid across the bench seat and smiled. This was exactly what she needed. Y/N was happy for the first time in weeks. 

If anything, Dean was a man of his word and just over an hour later, he pulled Baby back into the garage. As he helped her out of the car, handing over her cane, he pecked her on the lips. “Feel better?”

“My cup runneth over, my love. Now, it’s naptime,” she announced, climbing the small set of steps with some difficulty as tremors overtook her lower extremities, and she lost her footing. 

“Hey, hey, I got you, honey,” Dean said, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her down the hall to their room. He laid her gently on the bed before he sat beside her. “Are they getting worse?”

“Not worse, not better, just…there.” She closed her eyes, fatigued from the fresh air. “Would you get me some water please?” 

“Of course, you need to take your meds anyway. I’ll be right back, don’t run away on me now,” Dean joked as he rose. He rushed down to the kitchen for a bottle of water. By the time he returned to the bedroom, Y/N was asleep. He hated to wake her, but he knew how bad things could get if she missed a dose. With water and pills in hand, Dean roused her gently. “Honey, I need you to take these, ‘kay?”

“Right, okay. I fell asleep, didn’t I?” Y/N said sheepishly, pulling herself up enough to accept the water and pills from her husband. 

“Yeah, must’ve been all that fresh air,” Dean waited until she swallowed her meds, then put the cover back on the water, placing it on the nightstand for her. “Get some rest, I’ll start dinner.” He kissed her softly, pulling the blankets over her. 

Dean closed the door softly behind him, and headed for the kitchen, trying to decide what was on the menu. “What’s for dinner, Sammy?” He asked his brother seated at the table. 

“It’s a nice day, maybe we could grill up some chicken breasts. Chicken pesto linguine?” Sam suggested, raising his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Dean agreed, pulling out the ingredients for the pesto. “Y/N seem off to you?” 

“I think we’re all a little off right now, man. This thing, it has lower mortality rates than the seasonal flu, from all the reports that I’ve read, but it spreads like wildfire. The world hasn’t seen anything like this since the Spanish flu, in like 1919. But, exactly what do you mean, ‘a little off’?” Sam rambled. 

“We went for a drive today, just an hour, to get her out of the house, but she was asleep by the time I got her pills, and it seems like the tremors in her legs are getting worse. When I asked her about them, she just brushed it off.” Dean shook his head. “We’ve got to be more careful, man. I can’t lose her, Sammy.” 

“And, you’re not going to, Dean. She’s strong, stronger than the MS, stronger than this virus, whatever it is. I’ll figure it out. It screams demons, just like Croatoan back in 2006,” Sam tried his best to reassure his brother. 

“Yeah, but no one is going batshit crazy this time, with the exception of the hoarding.” 

“I’m still looking into it. I’ve got several other hunters on it, too. We’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I’ll do the supply runs on my own. You don’t need to be exposing yourself or Y/N,” Sam decided. 

“Thanks, Sammy. We appreciate that,” Dean said, returning to the sauce. 

~*~

“Hey, honey. It’s time to wake up,” Dean whispered, peppering her face with soft kisses, making her squirm. “Dinner’s ready.” 

“Five more minutes,” she mumbled, snuggling deeper into her pillow, but the pillow was not as soft as she remembered. She lifted her head, opening one eye to discover she was sleeping on top of him. “You were not here when I fell asleep. Oh crap! How long have I been sleeping?” 

“Just a few hours, but dinner is ready, then I’ll fix you a bath, and tonight is your turn to pick the movie.” Dean slowly sat up, bringing her with him. “How does that sound?” 

“Relaxing,” she yawned. 

Dean helped Y/N to her feet, grabbing her cane for her, since she hated being carried as a general rule. “Let’s eat.” 

“I didn’t realize how hungry I was,” Y/N said as she sat down. Dean took his seat next to her as the three of them dished up their plates. “This smells amazing.” 

“Sammy’s idea, honey. I’m just the cook,” Dean chuckled, passing the pasta. 

They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes, everyone enjoying their meal. “Dean, baby, this is phenomenal. It’s nice to know if we rid the world of all the monsters, you have a fall back career as a chef,” Y/N teased her husband, Sam laughing along with her. She started coughing and reached out for her water. 

“Hey, you okay?” Dean watched with concern. 

“Yes, just a little coughing fit, triggered by the giggles,” Y/N said. 

“Yeah, yeah, chuckle heads. Now eat up,” Dean groaned, but his worries didn’t fade. 

“Honey, you’re warm. You feeling okay?” Dean voiced his concern as they settled into bed a few hours later. 

“Yes, babe. I’m just tired,” Y/N yawned, almost as if to prove her point. 

“We’re taking your temperature,” Dean said, getting out of bed to get the thermometer. 

“Dean, I think you’re overreacting a bit. I’m probably just still warm from our bath,” Y/N reasoned, but he wasn’t having any of it. 

“It’s just a precaution, honey. I’m sure it’s nothing, but this virus is not like others. It moves quickly and it’s lethal.” He took a seat next to her and shoved the thermometer in her mouth before she could protest again. When the beep sounded, he removed it and checked the digital readout. “It’s 99.5, low grade. But I’m still keeping an eye on it, and you.” 

“I’d expect nothing less,” Y/N yawned once more and rolled over, her eyes closing instantly. “Love you.” 

“I love you, too, Y/N,” Dean echoed, crawling in beside her and pulling the blanket up to cover them both. He pulled her small frame into him, wanting, needing to keep her closer than usual. 

Sleep did not come easily for Dean that night; he was worried about Y/N. Since she returned to his life, his nightmares and insomnia were few and far between, but as he lay next to her, his mind played out a thousand different scenarios where he couldn’t save her. He was hyper aware every time she moved, coughed, or even breathed heavily. He finally fell under, out of pure exhaustion, just before five in the morning, only to be plagued with nightmares of the same. 

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The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean​​ @dolphincliffs​​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​​ @meganwinchester1999​​ @cherrycokegirls1​​ @closetspngirl​​  @roxyspearing​​ @flamencodiva​​ @blacktithe7​​ @sis-tafics​​ @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten​​ @amanda-teaches​​ @hannahindie​​ @wotinspntarnation​​ @winchesterprincessbride​​ @winecatsandpizza​​ @kickingitwithkirk​​  @wi-deangirl77​​ @hobby27​​ @mogaruke​​ @gh0stgurl​​ @alleiradayne​​ @idreamofplaid​​ @seenashwrite​​ @manawhaat​​ @crashdevlin​​ @thoughtslikeaminefield​​ @emoryhemsworth​​ 

The Dean’s List: @jerkbitchidjitassbutt​​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​​ @maddiepants​​  @adoptdontshoppets​​ @supernatural-jackles​​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​​ @akshi8278​​ @thing-you-do-with-that-thing​​

Heartbeat: @idksupernatural​ @imaginationisgrowth​ @gabrielslittleangel​

[louisishj334]

How to lose $1 million and risk it all again

When Abbas Dayekh was 18 several years aged, he walked confidently to the reception of Sussex Location, London Enterprise University’s primary campus, and asked: “Where can I enrol?” Safety advised him he would have to wait a several years. Dayekh was in the wrong spot. He was in search of Regent’s University London, exactly where his parents experienced sent him to check a BA (Hons) in Worldwide Enterprise with French. Dayekh, ethnically Lebanese, is from Nigeria, the grandson of the textiles’ industrialist. He was sent to the united kingdom to achieve knowledge, then return and insert benefit inside the loved ones business.

Dayekh, CEO and founder of OyaNow, an application-primarily based shipping and delivery service in Nigeria, chuckles within the memory. It’s not the first time he has taken a detour in his life, and it possibly was one of many additional pleasant – and less expensive - events. With no doubt, one of the most tricky was having to notify his mom he experienced shed all her price savings – about $600,000 – that she invested in him to put in place a Beirut branch of distinctive Parisian couture model CLVII in 2012. “It absolutely was a buddy’s store. The purchasers are certainly top quality; elite footballers and these kinds of. It’s obtained a particular image.

“I ran CLVII notion capital for about a year, and afterwards the Syrian civil war escalated. Bombs started heading off in Beirut. The Saudis and Emirati holidaymakers – my buyers – they went household and didn’t return. I used to be trapped with a great deal of expensive couture and no funds”

I ran CLVII for around a year, and afterwards the Syrian civil war escalated. Bombs started off going off in Beirut. The Saudis and Emirati travellers – my prospects – they went residence and didn’t come back. I was stuck which has a large amount of pricey couture and no dollars. Involving my mom’s price savings, a buddy’s financial commitment of about $two hundred,000 and the money I’d expended in that two-year period, I’d managed to lose $one million.

‘Not a tech dude’

While Dayekh, from Kano in Nigeria’s northern province, felt upset that he’d Enable down his mom, his initial – and biggest – entrepreneurial flop did nothing at all to dampen his enthusiasm for the entrepreneurial route and his zeal to triumph. In actual fact, he reflects that it spurred him on to at some point found OyaNow, an application-primarily based logistics enterprise aiding enterprises to achieve Nigeria’s progressively related populace of just about 200 million by trustworthy and rapidly previous-mile shipping and delivery.

This Regardless of the simple fact Dayekh promises to generally be “by no means a tech man”. He laughs: “I'm able to’t code.” Dayekh has gained the Persons’s Decision Award while in the George Bernard Shaw Unreasonable Individual category at this calendar year’s Serious Innovation Awards (RIA) in recognition of his dogged perseverance to succeed Even with there becoming no fantastic rationale that he should really.

When he had The theory for OyaNow, he was pretty much broke, acquiring returned from Shanghai the place for 9 months he had been performing being an outsourcing broker for just a number of Nigerian clientele he’d managed to secure. “They had been tiny contracts and Therefore the Fee was little,” he claims. “I had return to Abuja for being with my mom and determine what I had been gonna do with my life. I barely experienced any revenue, but I nonetheless realized I used to be about to do my own factor.”

It transpired to him that buyer self esteem in Nigeria was zero. “There was no rely on in the market in Nigeria and not Considerably purchaser treatment possibly. I thought of the accomplishment of foods shipping expert services in Europe and The us like Deliveroo and Uber Eats. Nigeria is probably one of many final nations around the world on this planet with such a big inhabitants that remains so underdeveloped. I observed that hole as a huge possibility.”

But who was about to buy the coders? And to the bikes? In fact – this was Africa, not Europe. Banks don’t give financial loans to people with no property. Dayekh was fortuitous to have a network of Intercontinental experts and traders he cultivated from having long gone to one of the better boarding schools in the world in Switzerland. A friend came by with a few seed income Which paid out for creating the app and the main motorbikes.

Ideal time, right solution, proper place

“I realized This may be a really diverse proposition from Deliveroo and Uber Eats. For 1, we would want to supply total pastoral care to our riders – whom we contact Entrepreneurs – mainly because they could be coming from all around the country. We would have to give them a destination to Are living. They would be the brand. I needed to be sure that I did all the things I could to empower them for being entirely engaged in OyaNow and assist the manufacturer to accomplish its key performance indicators of reliability, usefulness and high quality of assistance usually.

“My uncles felt I were born which has a silver spoon in my mouth Which I'd volume to nothing exterior the relatives small business. I'd a burning desire to establish them Improper and clearly show the entire world I could allow it to be by myself”

OyaNow is definitely an abbreviation of the phrase indicating “we've been coming” in Nigerian slang English. It really is widely recognized throughout ethnic teams and tribes and was a great match with the operating product and to the cultural context. It soft released in Abuja, in advance of launching in Kano after which Lagos.

Starting up off to be a foods shipping service about 3 many years ago, OyaNow obtained an sudden fillip within the Covid-19 pandemic which noticed desire for its very last-mile supply provider go with the roof. Now, it delivers Pretty much anything at all that may be shipped and OyaNow has business associations with lots of factories across the country.

The organization now has about eighty five bikes and vans as well as other vehicles, microinvestors which is eyeing the subsequent stage of enlargement in other nations in Africa, but Dayekh can’t say too a great deal more at this time. The serial innovator also has enterprise passions in medical marijuana and hemp in Malawi by way of a Swiss-based startup called House Africa. Previously this yr, Malawi legalised the expanding, promoting and exporting of cannabis for professional medical use.

“Winning this award – the George Bernard Shaw Unreasonable Individual Award – I love it! It pleases me in excess of if I had been to generally be manufactured President of America! It appears that evidently I do new points on a regular basis. But, the truth is, there is a pattern. Africa is often a tough area to know if You aren't from listed here. Western organizations see likely during the economies here but are nervous to generate a transfer due to perception of danger and a lack of certainty.

I've realised that I may be that bridge that inbound links Africa With all the West. It is a fairly distinctive situation to be in and I am just getting started.”

six tips about entrepreneurship from OyaNow founder Abbas Dayekh

Being an entrepreneur seriously isn’t straightforward. You require conviction and dedication. It’s probably a cliche but You can not succeed devoid of it. It’s a lonely highway. You may get dangers. You will upset the established order, and people don’t like that. Men and women like it any time you fall short. Personally, when I turn into devoted to a thing, no one can cease me.

The most important enterprise lesson I've discovered was the four Ps: value, products, promotion and spot. They're the key elements for achievement. OyaNow delivers all 4 together beautifully.

Failure is Studying and almost nothing to become ashamed of. Be honest with your self about what went Mistaken and go forward, striving not to generate precisely the same mistakes once more.

Entrepreneurship can be difficult on your own mental health and fitness. You can find every day considerations about cashflow, and regardless of whether you'll have enough funds to pay your charges; to pay your employees. Even now, I put up with panic assaults. It might be very difficult to repeatedly need to project a façade of strength for your personnel, buyers and the market when deep down you don’t know wherever your following tranche of cash will originate from to maintain heading. Be sincere with oneself about whether or not you can handle this strain.

Any time you expand, empower your personnel. They can be your small business. They will be the distinction between accomplishment and failure ultimately. Be humble as a pacesetter and hear your staff. Apologise for the mistakes. They must invest in into your eyesight. Empower them to co-create that eyesight mainly because it evolves.

Use a disproportionate number of Gals in the management staff. Females tend to be a lot less self-centred and aggressive. Coming from the patriarchal household business enterprise dominated by warring factions, I wish to be surrounded by Girls, who often carry balance and direct for your greater great rather then individual acquire.

The Real Innovation Awards is undoubtedly an once-a-year ceremony celebrating business innovation all over the world, hosted via the London Business Faculty’s Institute of Innovation and Entrepreneurship (IIE). To determine this year’s celebration occurring on ten December 2020 and hear insights on ‘Innovating in Adversity’ sign up below.

[yoursomethingbeautiful]

Something Beautiful for day #8

Hello again! This blog is officially a week old! Yay, only 51 more weeks to go before the end goal! Baby steps. Anyways, how are you today? I hope you got a good laugh in. Nothing lifts my spirits like laughing so hard I can’t breathe. 

Today was alright, not as great I’d liked it to be, but tomorrow is another day. I got some homework done and made plans with a friend. I saw one of my best friends in our school’s union and we talked for a bit. I had a staff meeting and I was on duty tonight. I also volunteered to create staff shirts for our team, and I made a few designs. We have this inside joke that our building has poltergeists so I made a few designs with little ghosts. It’s pretty cute, and I hope everyone likes them. I’m also counting the days down until IDKH drops Razzmatazz. Only 22 more days to go!!!

There’s no word on the COVID results from my Dad, but my mom says everyone everyone is feeling okay. She said it’s only the first day but it feels like they’re ten days in and I told her I’m worried. She told me that they have it under control, and I believe them, but it’s still a scary situation.

I remember six months ago when quarantine was starting and I was forced to move back home. Things quickly spiraled into a mess of panic buying and Tiger King and making Mac and Cheese every day and getting two hours to pack my shit from my dorm and move back home. I set up my own little study space in our dining room and my dogs got so used to me being there and they would come and find me and even if I wasn’t there they would sit in my seat and wait for me to come back. We taped hundreds of paper hearts to our windows and took long drives around town and made little scavenger hunts. So much happened that I can’t remember it all.

As happy as I am to have a little freedom, sometimes I admit that I miss it. As horrible as it was to feel trapped, it also felt like a long and relaxing vacation and it had it’s moments. I drew a lot and watched a lot of YouTube and Netflix. I decorated my room. We made some new recipes and a lot of brownies. I spent a lot of time with my baby brother. We even saw some SpaceX satellites one night and everyone panicked for like 5 minutes before someone had the sense to look it up. It was hard, but the people I had with me made it fun, and it was definitely a family experience we never had before.

Today’s Something Beautiful is family. I miss mine a lot and I think sometimes I should just quit my job and go back. 2020 has been a long and hard year, and when I got my job back and decided to accept I feel like I poured salt in the wound. After losing my job I my family was under the impression that I was going to be there for another half a year, but really it was only for another couple weeks. If I had known how things were going to be maybe I would have stayed. For my brother, whose siblings are all in college, and for my parents, who miss having all of their kids. Squad shit forever.

That’s all for now, bye my friends - and stan Razzmatazz. 

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, June 22

Cover: O.J. Simpson was framed by cops

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- AFAIK none of these unflattering pictures came from Instagram -- Ben Affleck walking his dog, Lady Gaga bares her tummy, Dennis Quaid plays golf 

Page 3: Melanie Griffith, Hugh Grant, pregnant Katy Perry at the beach with her dog 

Page 4: Screen stud Brad Pitt is stuffing his face with fast food and his unhealthy diet is threatening his bottom line: his once beautiful behind, just-married Bindi Irwin won’t take her new husband Chandler Powell’s last name because she wants to honor her late dad Steve Irwin 

Page 5: Gwen Stefani has three sons with her ex-husband Gavin Rossdale and now the 50-year-old is desperate to have a baby girl with boyfriend Blake Shelton 

Page 7: Image conscious First Lady Jackie Kennedy Onassis followed a bizarre beauty ritual that included rubbing facial toner into her armpits, Kanye West is threatening to sue a former bodyguard for at least $10 million claiming the security specialist ran his mouth and breached a confidentiality agreement 

Page 8: Lori Loughlin’s spoiled daughter Olivia Jade was slammed by online critics who say the rich kid was tone deaf when she shared an online message about using white privilege to fight racism

Page 9: Glamorous Jennifer Lopez is taking on the role of one of the most vicious female criminals in history -- drug queenpin Griselda Blanca who murdered at least 250 people -- in a brazen bid to win an Oscar 

Page 10: Disgraced Prince Andrew’s twisted life as pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s pampered house pet is being exposed by the murdered billionaire’s former butler who blows the lid off naked pool parties, kinky sex toys and cash payments to young girls recruited as sex slaves 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Busy Philipps (pictured), chipper Clint Eastwood says he doesn’t mind growing old while in gloomy contrast Woody Allen whines his pampered life is pointless, Kelly Clarkson still has babies on the brain despite having had her tubes tied but (soon-to-be ex) husband Brandon Blackstock doesn’t want another child, Reese Witherspoon admits nabbing Kerry Washington’s fountain of youth secret -- a veggie concoction she’s chugged each morning for more than eight years that includes lettuce and spinach and celery and banana and pear and apple and lemon with the seeds, Yolanda Hadid the ex-wife of two multimillionaires has found love again in the arms of 70-ish farmer Joseph Jingoli who also happens to be the stinking-rich CEO of his own company 

Page 13: Justin Bieber (pictured), Ashley Benson (pictured), Hugh Jackman buys flowers in NYC (pictured), Bryce Dallas Howard finally graduated from NYU 21 years after commencing collegiate courses

Page 14: Parkinson’s disease isn’t knocking down Alan Alda anytime soon, Octavia Spencer is finally owning up to her real age after having fibbed for years that she was two years younger; she was found out by pals from her school days, Fashion Verdict -- Sarah Hyland 9/10, Padma Lakshmi 8/10, Rumer Willis 2/10, Tracee Ellis Ross 7/10, Keri Russell 4/10 

Page 16: Faith Evans was busted for domestic violence by cops who say the singer assaulted her producer husband Stevie J., radio talk show host and self-proclaimed marriage expert Dr. Laura Schlessinger has vowed to give up men and chances for a third marriage because today’s guys are not up to her high standards 

Page 17: Money-grubbing celebs are nickel-and-diming hardworking fans for the privilege of receiving a new form of the paid autograph -- personalized videos -- Jeff Ross, Tom Arnold and Caitlyn Jenner are some of the celebs involved although Cait says she’s doing it for charity 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Pat Sajak, Lori Loughlin’s devastated daughters think it’d be surreal to visit her in the slammer, Britney Spears is one of the hottest pop babes but she felt like an ugly duckling as a kid

Page 20: True Crime 

Page 23: Gary Busey claims he met angels during a near-death experience after a devastating motorcycle crash in 1988, country singer Rosanne Cash is singing the blues after a vulgar MAGA blowhard blasted one of her four daughters for wearing an anti-COVID mask to a Nashville grocery store 

Page 24: Cover Story -- rogue cops faked O.J. Simpson murder case -- Simpson was the target of racist payback after Rodney King beating embarrassed police 

Page 26: Health Report -- Gene ID’d that can fight fat, quick test for kidney stones, junk food dims your wits, easy way to get health insurance online 

Page 32: Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise’s secret chats that she kept a secret from Keith Urban -- since their bitter 2001 divorce after ten years of marriage Nicole hated Tom’s guts but he’s really mellowed lately and they’ve been secretly mending fences and the glue fusing their new connection is their adopted kids Isabella and Connor, breastfeeding has freaked out first-time mom Karina Smirnoff 

Page 38: Real Life

Page 39: Livid Lionel Richie has vowed to kick Scott Disick’s butt after the sleazeball’s split with his daughter Sofia Richie -- Sofia’s been spending a lot of time with her dad and some of the stories she’s been sharing about what Scott put her through have been hair-curling 

Page 40: David Hasselhoff is such a sex machine at age 67 that his nearly three decades younger wife Hayley Roberts is asking for time-outs in the bedroom 

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Enough already with Matt Lauer’s moaning 

Page 45: Makeup mogul Kylie Jenner tearfully worries about being tossed into jail over shocking fraud allegations -- the panic comes after Kylie was cut from the famed Forbes World’s Billionaires List with the magazine claiming Kylie and her mom Kris Jenner may have forged tax returns and lied about the value of her Kylie Cosmetics brand, Lea Michele is being accused by former Glee co-star Samantha Ware of making her first television gig a living hell 

Page 47: Hollywood Flashback -- 1983′s The Right Stuff, Bizarre But True 

[lostinthereign]

July 12th 2020

Day 42

Today was scary. In all sense of the word! Everything happened so fast. One minute I was at work getting comfy in my station and the next I was being told we needed to evacuate the floor. Apparently two more people tested positive for Covid since yesterday so they had to shut down our floor for a “deep” clean. How deep of a clean can you get in ten minutes? I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I’m terrified to bring it home with me. I’m doing everything I can but it’s not enough, it feels like it’s not enough.

On top of that. he who will not be named found me on social media again. I swear, I’m so tired of blocking accounts over and over again. he made me relapse last year and I’ll be damned if he does it to me again. Before him I had been clean for five years. Seeing five years go down the drain? It crushed me. I can’t let that happen again. I refuse. Funny thing is..I met my lovely boyfriend only about a week or so after my relapse. If I had just held on a little while longer.. ugh it’s kinda painful to think about. But I’m ready to just quit social media all together. Thankfully the only thing he hasn’t found me on is Tumblr. I’m starting to run out of safe places.

After work I took a co-worker home and we aren’t very close but she is very sweet! She has a little white chihuahua named Smoke and I got to cuddle and play fetch with him for a little bit while we talked about books. I got so caught up in our discussion I totally lost track of the time lol. But that also may have been the few wine coolers I had. For some reason I’m really into those right now. I mean..I’m not actively buying them or anything but everyone I hang out with lately just offers them to me lol. Maybe Dionysus is trying to get my attention.

It’s been a long day but hopefully I’ll get to spend time with Sir today! He used to remind me to post on this but yesterday and today I couldn’t wait to post. It makes Him happy when I do it and I want to make Him happy! Cause duh lol! I can’t wait to hear about His day ☺️☺️☺️

-Sunflowersandrabbitholes

[tomeandflickcorner]

Episode Review- The Real Ghostbusters: Night Game

Before I get into this particular episode, I should take the time to mention an unfortunate bit of news.  Veteran voice actor Julie Bennet, who voiced the recurring The Real Ghostbusters character of reporter Cynthia Crawford in the episodes ‘When Halloween Was Forever’ and ‘Citizen Ghost,’ has recently passed away at the age of 88, from complications related to COVID-19.  My heartfelt condolences go out to her family and friends.  It probably goes without saying that it feels almost surreal to discuss this particular episode with the tragic loss of such a talented person hanging in the air.  Especially since she was not the first person we lost to this virus, and she probably won’t be the last.  But in a strange way, it almost seems fitting that this is the episode that’s next on the roster, given the nature of the episode as a whole.

Late one night, something strange happens at a vacant baseball stadium, with bright blue and red lights shooting up from the pitcher’s mound.  The lights soon vanish as quickly as they appeared.  But since this is occurring in the middle of the night, nobody is there to witness it.  We then cut to the following morning, with Winston entering the Firehouse, sporting a baseball jersey and matching cap.  He announces to his friends that he has two tickets to a baseball game, and asks if anyone is interested in accompanying him.  At first, Ray seems interested as he asks if Winston’s tickets are for a Yankees or Mets game.  However, his demeanor instantly changes when Winston reveals the tickets are for a Jaguars game.  The Jaguars, from what I can gather, are an in-universe minor league baseball team. But they’re apparently not very popular due to their long record of consistently losing.  Winston, however, remains a loyal Jaguars fan.  Regardless, Ray and Peter both turn down Winston’s second ticket. The same goes for Janine, who pretty much compares spending a day at the ballpark to getting fungus in the brain. Of course, Egon pokes his head into the room when he hears Janine mention fungus.  Because, as we know from the movie, he collects spores, molds and fungus.  So Winston tries to invite Egon to go with him to the game.  Egon almost seems interested, as he mentions an old colleague of his from his days at Columbia University once studied the dynamics of the curveball.  But Egon ultimately states he can’t join Winston, as he’s in the middle of an important project.  Finally, Winston turns to Slimer, who has chosen that moment to appear on the scene. Initially, it looks like even Slimer is going to turn down the invite.  Until Winston says the magic words by mentioning the popcorn, ice cream and hot dogs.  Naturally, Slimer is right on board with anything that involves him getting food.

So Winston and Slimer head off together to Jaguars Stadium. And we see the stands are almost completely empty, with only about ten people in attendance.  Sadly, most of the other spectators are not even paying attention to the game.  One guy is focused on reading the newspaper, and another person is clearly taking a nap. (Obviously, this was meant to further illustrate how unpopular the Jaguars are, buy why would you even pay for a ticket if you’re not going to bother watching the game?)  Winston, on the other hand, is still enjoying the game, telling Slimer (who is surrounded by a large amount of ballgame fare) that it doesn’t matter if the Jaguars lose.  Because regardless of the outcome of the game, the team did their best.  And that’s all that really matters.

Out of nowhere, the same spectral lights that appeared on the field during the night appear again.  This time, Winston was there to witness it.  (It’s unclear if anyone else saw it, since nobody else seemed to be even watching the game at this point.)  As Winston watches, the spectral lights caused a baseball to fly through the air at super speed, resulting in it hitting the ground, preventing the Jaguar Infielder(?) from catching it.  When the game ends, Winston heads back to the Firehouse to tell the other Ghostbusters what he saw.  But they’re all skeptical of Winston’s account, with Peter commenting on how he’d have an easier time believing something supernatural happened at the game if the Jaguar player actually caught the ball.  (Did they not hear the part where the spectral lights appeared?) Winston insists he knows what he saw and, to back up his story, he reveals he stopped by the library on the way back and found a book that discussed an old Native American legend that seemed to fit with what he observed.  According to Winston’s book, the supernatural forces of good and evil fight a battle on a certain site every 500 years.  And it turns out that the site mentioned in the legend coincides with the location of Jaguars Stadium.  Which is an interesting development, I must say.  Usually, it’s housing developments and hotels that are built over sacred Native American land.  This is the first time I heard of a baseball diamond being built over one.

Egon soon agrees that they probably should look into this. But first, they’ll need to get a special permit from Mayor Lenny.  Winston argues against waiting, as the permit process could take days, and who knows what could happen in the meantime?  For all they know, a major supernatural manifestation could emerge before the permit could arrive.  Regardless, Egon states that it’s too late at night to do anything, and the best thing for them to do was get a good night’s rest.  However, Winston insists on staying up a bit longer, as he wants to read more about the legend.

Sometime later, though, it appears Winston wasn’t willing to wait until morning to do anything, as he donned his Ghostbusting gear and elected to head back to Jaguar Stadium on his own.  Which is probably not the smartest move, but you still have to admire his dedication.  Upon arriving at Jaguar Stadium, Winston manages to convince the security guard to allow him access to the empty stadium.  Which the security guard agrees to on account of him being a big fan of the Ghostbusters.  When Winston and the security guard make it onto the field, they witness the spectral lights returning once again.  Jumping into action, Winston makes an attempt at firing his Proton Pack at the lights, giving the security guard the chance to get away and call the other Ghostbusters down there via a payphone.

By the time Peter, Ray and Egon make it down to Jaguar Stadium, they find the field has been encased within an ectoplasmic barrier. Egon soon comes up with a plan to blast a hole into the barrier by aiming their Proton Packs at the same exact spot.  The plan works, and they’re able to make it past the barrier, which closes up behind them almost instantly.  Upon getting past the barrier, they find Jaguar Stadium has been transformed into an ethereal looking baseball diamond.  Though they’re initially focused only on the rather tall ghostly figure standing before them.

The Ghostbusters demand that the figure, who is currently dressed like a baseball umpire, state what he did with Winston.  But at that moment, Winston appears behind them, completely unharmed.  Though he is now wearing a baseball uniform.  Winston proceeds to explain that, as the legend says, the supernatural forces of good and evil always choose their battle by the form of their surroundings.  And since Jaguar Stadium is currently located over the designated site of their battle, it was decided that their battle would take the form of a baseball game. And it turns out that, since Winston was present when the battle began, he has been allowed to play as a shortstop for the Good Team.  Because, as the Ghost Umpire states, when Good and Evil choose sides for battle, no one can be neutral.  Although, the Ghost Umpire states it’s too late in the game for Peter, Egon and Ray to join, so they should leave.  However, it’s ultimately decided that they’ll be allowed to stay and watch.  Especially when Egon seems to realize that they have a personal stake in this game.

It’s also established that, while nothing will happen to the losers of the game, the two differing sides are fighting for the fate of one human soul.  And if the Good Team loses the game, then Evil will torment the soul for the next 500 years.  Initially, Peter voices his disbelief that they took over an entire baseball stadium and probably caused a city-wide panic, all for one single human soul. But the Ghost Umpire counters this, by delivering one of my favorite lines of the episode:

“Just one soul?! Is there anything on this puny earth as important?  Isn’t even one soul worth all this effort?  And more?”

Words cannot describe how much I loved that line! Because it is absolutely true! Every single soul (and life, for that matter) is precious.  And it therefore deserves to be protected and saved, whenever it’s possible.

Anyway, as Winston heads back towards the field to resume his position as shortstop, Egon informs Peter and Ray that he’s surmised that the soul that’s at stake must be Winston’s, which is why he was allowed to participate in the game.  Peter voices his concern that the players on the Good Team don’t exactly seem like they’re well-equipped to play baseball, though Ray points out that they can’t have been performing too badly, as the scoreboard reveals that it’s been a steady 0 to 0 for the past 8 innings.  Although, this indicates that the game is currently in the final inning.

And so the game commences, with the Evil Team up at bat. The first batter strikes out, but the second batter manages to hit the ball.  Winston runs out to catch the ball, but the baseball apparently multiplies as it begins to fall.  Regardless, Winston still manages to catch one of the balls, so the Ghost Umpire declares that the second batter is out.  After the Ghost Umpire makes that call, Peter, Ray and Egon approach him to state that, while they’re not disputing his call, they feel that he should declare the game a forfeit, as the Evil Team clearly cheated and should therefore be declared the loser by default.  But the Ghost Umpire points out that the Evil Team is expected to cheat, as it’s in their nature to do so. That’s why they’re called Evil. Only Good is not allowed to cheat. Because if Good adopts the ways of Evil, it becomes Evil.  Okay, fair enough.

The ballgame continues, and eventually, the Evil Team manages to gain a single run before they reach their third out.  So it’s now 1 to 0, meaning that if the Good Team doesn’t manage to get at least 2 runs before the inning is over, then the Evil Team is the winner.  As the two teams switch, Winston takes his chance to approach his friends to let them know that he’s glad the Ghost Umpire allowed them to stay and watch, as they have no idea how important this game really is.

Before long, the Good Team manages to have a man on first and second.  At this point, the Evil Team calls for a time out so they can bring in a relief pitcher. This relief pitcher ends up being a gigantic ghost with an elephant-like trunk, and he manages to strike out the current batter out almost instantly.  Ray notes that the Good Team only has one more out to go, so they can only hope that the Good Team has their best hitter coming up.  To their surprise, it turns out that Winston himself is now up to bat. So the Ghostbusters are understandably nervous, especially when the Ghost Umpire informs them that Elephant Nose is Evil Team’s best pitcher.  Peter states that it’s not right that Winston’s fate should be decided by the outcome of a baseball game, and that there has to be something they can do. At this point, the Ghost Umpire casually comments that perhaps Winston would have an easier time against a different pitcher.  Upon hearing this, Peter gets an idea.  He points out that they’re not playing in the game, and nobody said they couldn’t cheat.  So, when they see Winston is one strike away from losing the game, he tells Egon that he and Ray will shoot Elephant Nose with their Proton Packs before he can strike Winston out, and that Egon should be ready with the Ghost Trap. Because if they catch Elephant Nose, then the Evil Team will have to use a different pitcher.  However, Egon is deep in thought, and right before Peter and Ray could activate their Proton Packs, he jumps in front of them to stop them from interfering.  Egon reminds them that the Ghost Umpire stated quite clearly earlier that nobody is neutral in this battle between Good and Evil.  Which means they’re not neutral, either.  And if they cheat, then Evil automatically wins the game.  So they can do nothing other than hope Winston can hit this last ball.

Naturally, Winston is indeed able to hit the next ball.  Not only that, he actually manages to hit a home run, resulting in the Good Team winning the game, 3 to 1.  With the game over, both teams vanish from sight, leaving only the Ghostbusters and the Ghost Umpire behind.  Egon turns to the Ghost Umpire, asking him if he was indeed trying to test them, and the Ghost Umpire more or less confirms this by stating they had to choose between cheating to help their friend, or trust in fair play and let Good win on their own terms. With those words, the Ghost Umpire disappears, cryptically stating that they might meet again someday.

After the Ghost Umpire departs, Jaguar Stadium returns to normal.  Egon voices his regret that he hadn’t been able to study the Ghost Umpire more closely. Though Peter states the fact that they saved their friend’s soul is reward enough.  Winston is visibly confused by this statement, asking Peter what he means by that.  Ray tells him that they figured out that the baseball game was to decide Winston’s fate, but Winston informs them that they got it all wrong.  It was actually Peter’s soul they were playing for.  Upon hearing this, Peter sinks to the ground in shock, having realized that, by nearly cheating, he came dangerously close to dooming himself.  He declares that, from now on, he’s only going to attend Mets games.  As for how the rest of this conversation goes, it’s not very clear, since the closing music drowns out their dialogue as the camera pans out.  But I believe they proceed to discuss the pros and cons of other baseball teams, as I distinctly hear Egon mentioning the Toronto Bluejays.

If you’re a fan of baseball, I can see you thoroughly enjoying this episode.  And it’s also quite entertaining from a philosophical standpoint, considering it involves a battle of Good vs Evil.  In addition, the artistic design of the players in the Good Team and the Evil Team are all very creative and unique.  For instance, the pitcher for the Good Team was a red skinned centaur, and another player had an almost dog-like face.  Although, the most interesting character was definitely the Ghost Umpire.  Especially since he was the most enigmatic ghost involved in the game.  As he clearly said, nobody was a neutral player. Which meant he couldn’t have been neutral, either.  But that left the question if he was one of the Good Spirits or the Evil Spirits. The fact that he did tempt the Ghostbusters to cheat might suggest that he was one of the Evil Spirits, but one could also argue that he was one of the Good Spirits, since Evil knew that Good would never make an unfair call while Good could not trust Evil to be impartial. Either way, the episode pretty much leaves it up to the viewer to decide, which is something that I did appreciate. Though, to my knowledge, the suggestion that the Ghostbusters might have another meeting with the Ghost Umpire someday never actually goes anywhere, as they never encounter him again.

(Click here for more Ghostbusters reviews)

[rebelwith0utacause]

Thoughts on coronapocalypse, fandoms and doing the things you love

I’ve known of 5SOS since SLSP came out. I was in the US for the summer and I kinda heard the song a dozen times on the radio, but once I got back home (where they don’t really stream popular new music on the radio) I kinda forgot all about them. I might go and play SLSP and Amnesia on YT (because no Spotify where I live), but that was about it. I missed out on other songs and albums.

And then, last Spring I heard Youngblood (the song) for the very first time. It was the next song in autoplay and I actually liked it, but never got around to remembering who it was from. then Easier came along and I was like, oooh that sounds sexy and familiar. So I looked them up and actually realized that I know this band.

Mind you, I haven’t been listening to a lot of new music for the past 10(ish) years. I just wasn’t in the right headspace to accept anything new. I used to listen to a lot of metal back in my high school days, and a lot of Paramore, ATL, Alesana, The Used kind of music. I used to actively look for new bands and feel great when realizing there was so much great music in the world. 

Then I magically went to college and stopped. I guess the new environment/responsibilities/obligations combined with my declining mental health got the best of me and I was okay with just listening what was served to me. It ended up being commercial pop alongside lo fi compilations that were somehow gonna make my life less stressful. What I didn’t realize was that I was only burying my one true passion, listening to a lot of quality music. 

As far as pop culture goes, I’ll never be able to fully understand why I liked 1D (especially their last 2 albums) or my strange fascination with Harry’s solo career, but hearing Fine Line made me realize that underneath all of that pop sound, there are grungy undertones, grit and realness, something today’s music is sorely lacking.

But let me get back to 5SOS. It was the beginning of October 2019, I’ve already listened to Teeth, Lights Up by Harry was released the previous day and I somehow got stuck listening to Youngblood, the whole album. And that was an entire experience on and of itself. I remember hearing Talk Fast for the first time and actually feeling a part of me, the old me, come back. I felt elated that I’m listening to something new again (even though it was almost 2 years old by then). The excitement didn’t go away. I kept it on repeat for weeks, somehow ended up buying every single album/ep/song I could find and literally playing it on repeat until I had to go to work. I decided to get back to reading fanfics/laughing at memes/watching all the interviews, basically a pattern I was previously well accustomed to from my earlier years on Tumblr, Buzznet and Wattpad. I was talking about 5SOS all the time with my fam & friends.

Now here comes the interesting part. My mom was lowkey scared for me. She didn’t understand how her almost 28-yr-old daughter could get so hyped about something. She thought I might be going off the stray path a bit, which is understandable because back when I was a kid, I never let anyone see me get hyped out of fear that they would tease me, and these past ten years I was acting incredibly responsible and very ‘wise’ and basically trying to repress the carefree child in me, because that’s what I thought would make all of my insecurities and the harshness of this world disappear. She even reprimanded me once when I read her a 5SOS joke because she didn’t think that it was appropriate for an oldie like me to laugh at something younger people were laughing at.

Now, it’s been months, and she definitely got used to the idea of me listening to a lot more music than normal. I went on to find new bands, got back to listening to metal again, planed a trip to France to a bunch of concerts and it was all going great until Covid-19 happened.

These past 3 weeks my mom has had the opportunity to see me act extremely calm and rational while people are dying and getting infected every day. She’s seen me be extremely serious when the government announces the daily numbers, be wise when telling her not to panic and be happy and shedding a few tears while laughing at the Amazon Twitch stream.

This morning she went to me and told me that she hoped I would never lose the hype I got from this album (because I was extremely happy). 

Guess what I’m trying to say is that everything is relative. What I find uplifting might not be the same thing as someone else. The only thing we need to remember in these trying times is to do what makes us happy and never let go of it. Be more careful health-wise. Panic less. Wash our hands. Stream C A L M.

[alltoowellhairflip]

Story time! Fleeing Spain to the UK, then UK to home, and so much in between.

Seeing Taylor help all of these people has been a light in my life, as well as her music always being there to make things better. Oh..... and the leaked phone call didn’t hurt either 😂

Some days I think I’ve processed and I have it together, and some days I can’t stop crying. My heart is with everyone going through the same thing ♥️

This story is a little crazy, bare with me!

I bought tickets to Barcelona in May of last year with my two best friends and my mom for a 14 day trip. We landed in Barcelona in time for dinner on Monday, March 9, and started our trip. We explored all day March 10, and took a paella cooking class and had our fare share of sangria. After the class we spent the rest of the day on the beach, soaking up the sun and collecting sea glass. It was one of the best days of my life.

That night we ended up going to bed late, and around 1:30am we decided we should try to go to sleep. At that same time, my mom got a text from her friend asking if we were still in Spain and if we were going to be able to get out. We had no clue what she was talking about, but then I started getting texts from my friends and I got a call from my dad saying the president decided to impose a travel ban on Europe effective Friday at midnight. We couldn’t get much access to any information since we were in Europe. We were in a panic and we had no idea what to do. We finally got a copy of the presidential address and feared we wouldn’t be able to return from Spain for a month. At 4am, we scrambled to buy tickets to London as a loophole to get back into the US. We spent the rest of the night calling to cancel all of the arrangements we had planned through Airbnb and the bus company for the rest of the trip.

We got to the airport the next day and waited to board to go to the UK. Once in London, we checked into our hotel to see what our next game plan would be. We figured we were safe, and were trying to look at the bright side and move our trip plans to the UK and still be able to stay and enjoy our time abroad. Over the next couple hours, we realized that would not be the case as things escalated by the minute. We all decided the smartest thing to do was to get back to the US before we might get stuck again. All of us had to buy tickets less than 24 hours before our flights left, which really put a dent in our bank accounts. We each set out to leave London and fly home to our different airports, mine being San Francisco.

After being up for 26 hours, I finally landed at SFO. As we waited to get off the plane (me, still sitting, because I am not the type to stand when a plane lands 😂) our pilot informed us the UK and Ireland travel ban had been announced as we were in the air. He told us to get comfortable, because we had to get screened by the CDC and we could only get off the plane ten passengers at a time. After two hours, I got screened, and was told I have to go into a self-quarantine since I was in Spain (they shut Spain down two days after we got out). I agreed and headed to border patrol.

I got on the shuttle to head back to where I parked my car at the Hyatt less than a week prior. I walked off the elevator and my car was the first one. I felt so relieved given the enormous amount of stress the last three days had caused, and my car wouldn’t unlock. The battery was dead. I almost broke right then and there.

The hotel said they couldn’t help, and that I needed to call insurance. By this point, it was 11pm, I was jet lagged, and I had lost ALL hope. Two kind people in the parking garage offered to help, but after 30 minutes of my car still not starting, I told them it was okay and I would contact roadside assistance.

I scheduled help, climbed in my car, and fell asleep crying. Roadside eventually showed up and helped, but told me my battery was dead and that I couldn’t stop until I got to where I was going. It was around midnight at this point, so I headed out to Sacramento (I live in Lake Tahoe) because the first snowstorm of the year had begun and the highway was closed passed Sacramento.

After two hours of driving in a rainstorm, I made it to Sacramento and fell right to sleep. What I intended to be a one night stay ended up being a three night stay, further draining my bank account, because the snow wouldn’t let up and kept I 80 completely closed. It snowed 5 feet in one day. I was hurting, but I still knew I could make it up by working from home until after my quarantine was over.

On the day the highway opened again, my work sent an email that there would be a call at 11am that all of us should attend. I’ll skip to the end of that..... they told us as of midnight, we no longer have jobs. I work in marketing at a resort. Right after that, my second job also told us they were closing. So I lost my entire income in one day. After draining all of my resources just trying to get home safely. I have no idea when things will be okay again.

All of this time, I’ve been feeling under the weather and have had an on and off fever and a cough. It finally got bad enough for me to call and I was concerned because I was in Barcelona. Today, I was triaged by my local hospital and presumed positive for COVID. I have had to rely on everyone around me to put food on my plate. It’s a humbling, scary, intense place to be. I can’t pay any of my bills and I have one paycheck to get me from a week ago til who knows when.

It’s been a wild ride and I’m still processing everything that’s happened, but am trying to make the best of it. Our whole state is shut down and we’re just all waiting. Nothing else to do right now.

For anyone else hurting, my thoughts are with you. Only up from the way down, right?

Thank you, @taylorswift, for spreading so much goodness in the world. Loved you for 14 years and I’m looking forward to so many more!!!!

Enjoy some photos of me and Taylor over the years 😂

Yes, I’m the one who compared Taylor to her chickens and she liked it 😂😂 for all of the times she’s brought happiness to my life, I’m glad I could do it for her a few times. Love you always @taylorswift

[thesewomenrulemyworld]

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Contents

options trading mentor Arkansas I�m gonna keep hustlin to see which of my skillsets I can leverage into income streams.

options trading coaching program Arkansas Options traders use the butterfly option strategy when they wish to bet on little or no upcoming price change.

best options trading alerts Arkansas It�s, therefore, possible to increase returns while also reducing my exposure to the market movements.

robinhood options trading Arkansas What surprised me was how much I loved hitting the freakin buttons again!

options trading course bay area Arkansas BUT my downside is protected as I can sell out of the same stocks at $90.

the best futures and options trading course online udemy Arkansas Setting out a further expiration date also increases your premiums.

volatility options trading Arkansas To set up a covered call, you need 100 shares of a stock.

commission free options trading Arkansas Now I do it to record my profits!

investment advisor trading options Arkansas Many options traders consider themselves to be in the insurance industry.

In this example, he has paid me $1 for this insurance. I might then go out and buy a re-insurance policy for $0. 2 and protect myself at $90 (10% below the market). This way, if the share price tanks 20%, then I had to buy the shares at $95. BUT my downside is protected as I can sell out of the same stocks at $90. After the two weeks, if the insurance policies all expire worthless because the Nike share price is still above $95, then I�ve made 80cents ($1 I received initially, minus the $0. 2 I paid for re-insurance). Unlike trading stocks where you need the price to go up to profit, I make money if the stock price rises, stays the same, or goes lower by not too much. If you put on ten such trades, each with a 90% probability of profit, then you can expect nine of them to close profitably with just one being unprofitable. The icing on the cake is that it�s not the end of the story for that one trade that didn�t work out. There�s a lot you can do to �repair� and make it profitable once again. One of the main concepts in trading options is �rolling,� and it�s something I had to learn when the market dropped significantly enough to put most of my trades underwater, just a month into trading. All rolling means is pushing forward the period of the options expiration date further out in time. You achieve this by buying back the options contract you sold and then selling another contract in the same name, further out in time. The beauty is you even earn extra income while doing it. I can best illustrate this with a real trade I recently closed (obviously cherry-picked):On Feb 12th this year, a week before the market started it�s COVID-19 free fall, the SMH Vaneck Semiconductor ETF was trading at $150. I sold a put option for March 6 expiry at $140 and received $100 of premium/income. Of course, the market tanked, and the trade was underwater. I, therefore, kept rolling the trade further out in time until the price recovered. On June 5th, I was able to close it finally for a profit of $500, much more then my initial premium received. The reason for the increased profit was because as the share price dropped, volatility had a massive spike.

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weekly options trading newsletter Arkansas The above is a chart of the name during the period I had the trade on.

The put will shield you from most of your losses. #3: If the stock goes up, your put will lose value and eventually expire worthless, but it took off a lot of stress from your shoulders. You could focus on other things instead of worrying about the stock price or panic selling your shares. If the stock price isn�t likely to hit the strike price of your put, you can sell the put early to protect yourself from some of those losses. The protective put that attributed to most of my gains thus far was a protective Fastly put. I bought this put right before Fastly lowered their revenue guidance and the stock tumbled in after hours. I talked more about Fastly�s after hours tumble and explained how I�ve been playing the stock moving forward. The stock went down $33. 48 by the end of the day. My $500 put turned into $3,083. 24 by the time I sold it which shielded my losses by $25. 82/share. So rather than losing $33. 48/share, I only lost $7. 66/share because of the protective put. In past scenarios I�d likely panic and sell a bunch of my shares, but the protective put allows me to reduce risk without selling shares. The risk with selling shares is that the stock price can surge and you�ll miss out on the ride. Options Income Is Not ConsistentYou can maintain a consistent range selling covered calls and cash secured puts, but you�ll never make consistent income through buying options. Sometimes you can strike it big with one of your options while at other times most of them can expire worthless. If you continue to do your research, you will spot additional opportunities. That�s the skill part.

options trading advisory service Arkansas Once I felt I knew just enough to ask some not completely retarded questions, I emailed Suzy.

�I�d rather hustle 24/7 than slave 9 to 5.

how to make money trading stock options Arkansas For the next two years, I read through some pretty heavy and dry material while taking extensive notes.

Which leads me to�The Joy of Pushing Buttons For MyselfTwo years after my catch-up with Suzy, I was officially unemployed. YESSSSSSSSSSSS!For the first time since I started in finance, I was free to log in to my brokerage account and trade whatever the hell I wanted. �Damn it feels good to be a gangsta�Geto BoysIt was now time to grow a pair and start trading options. I had signed up for a newsletter that Suzy suggested, which provides regular trade ideas. That was perfect as it provided a framework to follow. Man, was it was exciting. Despite my career in trading stocks, options trading was completely new. Everything about it looked different. If stocks are two dimensional with just a simple bid and offer, trading options was like entering the fourth dimension. There were bids and offers for each specific price point, each at varying expiration dates. Like most things in life, it�s daunting at first, but then you get the hang of it.

learning stock options trading Arkansas Bear Put SpreadA bear put spread is the exact opposite of a bull call spread, where the trader purchases put options and also sells the same number of put options with the same expiry date but a moderately lower strike price.

48/share, I only lost $7. 66/share because of the protective put. In past scenarios I�d likely panic and sell a bunch of my shares, but the protective put allows me to reduce risk without selling shares. The risk with selling shares is that the stock price can surge and you�ll miss out on the ride. Options Income Is Not ConsistentYou can maintain a consistent range selling covered calls and cash secured puts, but you�ll never make consistent income through buying options. Sometimes you can strike it big with one of your options while at other times most of them can expire worthless. If you continue to do your research, you will spot additional opportunities. That�s the skill part. Luck eventually follows hard work, but make sure you only nibble on options so your losses don�t have a disastrous affect on your portfolio. 7 Option Trading Strategies Every Trader Should KnowTrading options has exploded in popularity over the last couple of decades, and option trading in particular has become a major force in contemporary finance. The ability to create sophisticated and nuanced trading positions using options and other derivatives is incomparable when contrasted with traditional securities trading. Out of the many advanced trading techniques used by option traders, there are 7 strategies that stand out above the rest:Long Call and PutsBull Call SpreadBear Put SpreadStraddleStrangleButterflyCovered CallThese top 7 option strategies should be a mainstay of every option trader�s playbook, and they should understand their application intimately. Long Call and Long Put Option StrategiesLong calls and long puts are simply positions taken in an underlying security using options instead of the actual security. A long call uses call options to bet on an increase in the price of the underlying security, while a long put uses put options to bet on a decrease in the price of the underlying security. Option traders use these simple strategies when they are confident in the direction and intensity of an upcoming price change. Because options cost only a small premium compared to the potential increase in their value as a result of large changes in the price of the underlying security, the long calls and puts are the best technique for maximizing profits in the relatively rare cases where a trader has such confidence in forecasting upcoming price changes. The risk of long calls and long puts is that the price fails to move far enough in the right direction, and the options expire worthless or fail to cover the full cost of the premiums, resulting in a trading loss on the position. Bull Call SpreadA bull call spread involves the purchase of call options at one strike price and the writing of the same number of call options with the same expiration date but a moderately higher strike price. The profit from a bull call spread is maximized when the price of the security reaches slightly under the strike price of the written options, so that the written options expire worthless while the purchased options can be exercised for the maximum value within the window of the written options expiring worthless. The downside in a bull call spread is protected when both options expire worthless, but the premium gained from the written options helps to reduce the loss from the premium paid for the purchased options. Bull call spreads are used when a trader has confidence in the direction of an upcoming price change, but not in its intensity.

options trading program Arkansas For example, if a trader sold 2 call options at $40, they would buy one call option at $45 and another at $35 to match the 2 written options sold.

I sell a short-term, two-week insurance policy to a holder of Nike shares to protect his investment at $95 (5% below the current price). If the share price of Nike falls below $95 during this period, he can sell his shares to me at the agreed price of $95. In this example, he has paid me $1 for this insurance. I might then go out and buy a re-insurance policy for $0. 2 and protect myself at $90 (10% below the market). This way, if the share price tanks 20%, then I had to buy the shares at $95. BUT my downside is protected as I can sell out of the same stocks at $90. After the two weeks, if the insurance policies all expire worthless because the Nike share price is still above $95, then I�ve made 80cents ($1 I received initially, minus the $0. 2 I paid for re-insurance). Unlike trading stocks where you need the price to go up to profit, I make money if the stock price rises, stays the same, or goes lower by not too much. If you put on ten such trades, each with a 90% probability of profit, then you can expect nine of them to close profitably with just one being unprofitable. The icing on the cake is that it�s not the end of the story for that one trade that didn�t work out. There�s a lot you can do to �repair� and make it profitable once again. One of the main concepts in trading options is �rolling,� and it�s something I had to learn when the market dropped significantly enough to put most of my trades underwater, just a month into trading. All rolling means is pushing forward the period of the options expiration date further out in time. You achieve this by buying back the options contract you sold and then selling another contract in the same name, further out in time. The beauty is you even earn extra income while doing it. I can best illustrate this with a real trade I recently closed (obviously cherry-picked):On Feb 12th this year, a week before the market started it�s COVID-19 free fall, the SMH Vaneck Semiconductor ETF was trading at $150. I sold a put option for March 6 expiry at $140 and received $100 of premium/income. Of course, the market tanked, and the trade was underwater. I, therefore, kept rolling the trade further out in time until the price recovered.

options trading magazine Arkansas I�d then get lots of orders to sell and would push a different set of buttons.

After the two weeks, if the insurance policies all expire worthless because the Nike share price is still above $95, then I�ve made 80cents ($1 I received initially, minus the $0. 2 I paid for re-insurance). Unlike trading stocks where you need the price to go up to profit, I make money if the stock price rises, stays the same, or goes lower by not too much. If you put on ten such trades, each with a 90% probability of profit, then you can expect nine of them to close profitably with just one being unprofitable. The icing on the cake is that it�s not the end of the story for that one trade that didn�t work out. There�s a lot you can do to �repair� and make it profitable once again. One of the main concepts in trading options is �rolling,� and it�s something I had to learn when the market dropped significantly enough to put most of my trades underwater, just a month into trading. All rolling means is pushing forward the period of the options expiration date further out in time. You achieve this by buying back the options contract you sold and then selling another contract in the same name, further out in time. The beauty is you even earn extra income while doing it. I can best illustrate this with a real trade I recently closed (obviously cherry-picked):On Feb 12th this year, a week before the market started it�s COVID-19 free fall, the SMH Vaneck Semiconductor ETF was trading at $150.

tt options trading Arkansas �I was confused.

For stocks with lower premiums, I�ll buy options with further out expiration dates. The further your expiration date, the more time you have for the stock to move in your direction. There are a variety of risky options trading strategies such as buying an option on its expiration date that can quickly deplete your money. If you want to give the stock additional time to move in your direction, buy a closer to the money option with a further out expiration date. You�ll pay more for it, but the extra time is worth it. For a guide on what to not do with options, check out the article below.

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[writtenbyalex-nicole]

Working Through the Crisis

by Alex-Nicole Edwards

     In his house in Staten Island, New York, Sean Edwards is finally taking a break. As an aircraft maintenance technician, he is considered an essential worker by the state of New York. His employer, one of the largest cargo airlines in the world, is allowed to stay open during the COVID-19 shutdowns. This means that he still has to commute to his job, at Newark Airport in New Jersey, every day. But right now, he’s relaxing at home for a week before he has to go back to work.

    For many Americans, going back to work would be a welcome opportunity. The unemployment rate in the U.S. is at a record-breaking high. Millions of people are out of work, money, and hope. While Sean realizes that he is in a better position than most, earning an income during this uncertain time, it doesn’t come without risks.

    He thinks that his employer, like many others, was unprepared for the pandemic. Resources like hand sanitizer and disinfectant wipes, which used to be available in abundance on the job, ran out quickly at the start of the panic. The only thing the company had to offer was disposable gloves. So, he took it into his own hands to minimize his risk of contracting the virus at work.

    All of his meals are consumed at home now. He eats before he leaves for his shifts so that there is less opportunity for him to infect himself by touching his face. When he leaves the house, he always wears a mask and changes his gloves regularly. He doesn’t take the shuttle bus provided to employees, which transports them from a remote parking lot to the job facility in five minutes. Instead, he walks for ten to twelve minutes by himself so that he isn’t in an enclosed space with other people. When he gets to work, he puts his street clothes into one of his lockers and takes his work clothes out from the other. He stays in his work van as much as possible and communicates with his coworkers mostly through handheld radios, phones and tablets. When he gets back home, he leaves his street clothes in the garage and when he does his laundry, he washes them separately from everything else.

    Eventually the company’s response to the pandemic got better and they started providing their employees with more essentials, like hand sanitizer and surgical masks. Sean customized his mask to be more effective by adding a pocket on the inside and putting a filter from an HVAC system in it. Eventually, his employer got a hold of the highly coveted N-95 masks and issued them to of all the employees on his team.

    Although he feels safer now that the company is taking more action, there is still a considerable risk of contracting the virus on the job. Several of the employees in his 2,000-person facility have already tested positive for coronavirus. Some of them are coworkers that are a part of his 80-person team. One of them is his colleague that he used to share a work van with. At least ten of the people at his facility have passed away due to COVID-19.

    While the number of cases in the New York area is steadily decreasing, Sean still feels like we need to be careful going forward. He’s all for reopening businesses, as long as it is done in a controlled and logical way. He thinks that Governor Cuomo has been doing a great job handling the crisis and agrees with his plan to reopen slowly. It’s important to him that we not act too hastily, or drop our guard when things start looking up. For now, though, he’s just happy to be safe at home for a while.

    In her apartment in Brooklyn, New York, Joanne Bridgewater has turned a part of her living room into a cubicle. On her computer desk, in the narrow space in front of her personal desktop, sits a monitor and a laptop. The monitor had to be shipped to her a few weeks ago from her office in Manhattan. The laptop came home with her two months ago, when her employer announced that, due to COVID-19, employees would be working remotely.  She has them setup side by side as a dual monitor, the way the computers on her desk at work were arranged. She wears a headset that makes her look like a call center representative and uses it to talk with her coworkers on their daily skype calls. This is her new office.

    She is another one of the fortunate Americans who have gotten to keep their jobs during the pandemic. She’s an accountant, so most of her work is done on the computer. Although it seems like she would have had an easy time transitioning to working from home, it was anything but.

    Before she was sent the computer monitor, she did all her work on her company laptop. The screen is small, and her vision is poor, which made it hard to read the large excel spreadsheets that her company uses to store information. Before they had scheduled calls, communicating with her coworkers was a mix of long emails threads and missed phone calls. Her employer, like most, was not prepared for the shutdowns.

    While she and her coworkers ­are now more acclimated to working remotely, not everyone has gotten on board. Many of her company’s clients and vendors still send important documents through the mail, which means that someone has to be in the office to sort through it. Her team arranged for a different person to travel to the city every week, but many of her coworkers live out-of-state and don’t want to make the long commute. So, Joanne became the only person willing to make the trip.

    Every week, she drives for forty-five minutes to get to the office. She goes in the darkest hours of the morning, when the city is quiet and empty. She spends hours sorting through the mail, pulling out checks that need to be deposited, and sending copies of invoices to her coworkers. Oftentimes, she doesn’t get home until right before dawn.

    While she’s grateful for the source of income, she feels like she’s working more than ever before. Now that there are no scheduled shifts, she finds herself getting up earlier to start working and logging off well into the night. One of her supervisors recently resigned, and much of his work has fallen on her. The company is onboarding a new client, which means that she has to go through a 10-day training course on her down time. There is no longer a boundary between work hours and personal time. While she does enjoy being able to work from home, she wishes she had more time for herself.

    At her family’s house in Union, New Jersey, Gabrielle Francois is working – but not for pay. The department store she works for in Manhattan was shut down months ago, along with all other non-essential businesses, due to the pandemic. She received disaster pay for a couple of weeks after that, though not the amount that she would make regularly. The stimulus check she was rumored to receive is weeks late and she doesn’t know for sure if she even qualifies for it. Applying for unemployment has been a confusing and frustrating process. The only thing she can do now is work on herself.

    She’s been cleaning and organizing the house. She’s been teaching herself French. She’s been taking online classes to learn about fashion buying and how to use Microsoft Excel. She’s been updating her resume and applying to jobs. She’s been busying herself and trying not to think about how worried she is.

    After she stopped being paid by her employer and it was announced that they were temporarily furloughing their employees, Gabrielle decided to file for unemployment. It wasn’t a process she had done before, and she didn’t even know which state to file in. After looking it up, she applied on the New York state unemployment website – or at least she tried to. Every time she would try to apply, the website would crash, or the server would time out and reset her application. This went on for weeks. She tried to apply every day, only to become more and more frustrated. When she tried calling the unemployment office, she always got a busy signal or was left on hold indefinitely. On the day that she finally got through to someone, the representative didn’t have answers to any of her questions and hung up on her.

    Fed up, she sat down one day to try the online application once again. For three hours, she sat in her room applying and reapplying until it finally went through. She had finally succeeded! She just had to wait to hear back from them. A few weeks later she received $600 in unemployment benefits from the state of New York. She hoped that meant that she would be receiving more soon.

    Finally, she got a letter in the mail. “Your claim has been denied.” They said that she hadn’t earned enough money working in New York in the past year to qualify for benefits. She had worked all of last year, but it was split between her old job in New Jersey and her new one in New York. She wasn’t sure what to do. She had bills and credit cards to pay off, and she was running low on funds.

    A week later she received an email stating that she was now eligible for unemployment benefits and to file a claim. She was confused – they had just denied her. But while this inconsistency was annoying, she was just grateful to finally be making progress. She filed her claim over the phone that day and is waiting to hear back from them.

    She hopes that the email was a sign that things will be turning around soon, and that she’d be getting the help she needs. But, based on her experience, she’s taking it with a grain of salt.