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zomboivex · 14 hours ago

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Duality of Deception

A character study of Tohma Ishibashi

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Sections

Notes & Disclaimers

Basic Information Breakdown

Cards & Cosmic Bonds

The Story So Far

What May Come to Pass

Overview

Final Author Notes

Credits & Sources

Notes & Disclaimers

Another super long post incoming here! A few gentle reminders that I do this primarily for fun and do not make any profit from these posts. What I write here are simply from things I’ve found and took from the story provided. They may be debunked or inaccurate in some instances but I still think it’s fun to do deeper dives into characters. If you disagree or don’t like what I’ve written here, that’s completely fine. Just don’t be hostile towards me about it.

A lot of this really is just fun speculation on my part. So I don’t really expect any of what I say to come to pass. It’s just a nice in-depth look of characters from a game I enjoy.

If you read this entire post, be sure to let me know what your thoughts are! I love having in depth discussions with others. If I seem to have misunderstood something or missed complexities, due to not growing up with Japanese culture, feel free to let me know!

Additionally, I do plan on eventually doing this for all the ghouls in the game. It takes a while to do these posts so if you’re looking forward to a certain character, it’ll come. Eventually. Maybe.

Anyways! I’ve rambled enough! Enjoy the deep dive!

Basic Information Breakdown

Marketed Mastermind

Tohma Ishibashi is a multifaceted character that has been marketed towards us, the consumer, as someone who has many fingers in the pot. He’s seen as conniving, secretive, and willing to get his hands dirty in pursuit of his goals.¹ He keeps his own interests close to his chest, revealing his truth to no one in the process. The game, even in multiple mentioning of him, goes out of its way to paint Tohma as a Mastermind. Capable of deceiving those around him while leaving his true intentions unclear to everyone- including the reader.

Tohma has been described as calm and collected with an insidious glint in his eye¹ as well as the card names even hinting at this darker nature such as; Contrived Smile or Watchful Shadow. Even in his actions and responses in the game, we see Tohma painted as a man who has ulterior motives and works within the shadows- meeting in secret with a house that his own allegedly has discourse with or getting into heated conversations with other house vice-captains while giving scathing commentary to MC.

Even with all of this, Tohma constantly reminds Jin that he can trust and rely on him. And even his actions state this to be true thus far. Working in ways to benefit Jin and helping his stigma issue remain a secret. Tohma also regularly reports to Jin and seems to even share warnings that his secrets cannot be kept forever.

So the question begs…

Can we trust Tohma?

It’s In the Name

Names are usually given from the aspirations the parents have for their children. Or at least, it’s easy to believe this. As far as characters go, it’s usually a way to tell what the characters journey will be in their story. Tohma’s name is just as complex as he is, showing that he could be either a hindrance or a help to others. That he has the duality of being both good and bad- leaving his intentions unclear to us, the readers.

What do I mean by that?

Well, let’s take a look at his name.

Tohma [塔真] - tower + truth/reality ²

Ishibashi [磴] - stone steps/stone bridge ²

Focusing on tower, for now, we can go over a few different meanings for this symbolism.

Having your movements restricted and horizons limited can be troubling for many- towers representing this in both a physical and mental realm of reality. For the physical representation, it can manifest in the form of material possessions you gain over time and now feel the need to protect. For the mental representation, it manifests through stubborn behaviors or mannerisms or remaining ‘close minded’. Both of these limiting us in different manners. One causing us to have the need to protect physical items and spending all of our energy doing as such. The other chaining us to our thought patterns, unable to break free from our own way of thinking. ³

Now, I don’t believe that this necessarily fits with Tohma. Or, at least, it doesn’t seem to fit with how he is presented to us. Tohma very much is a character who seems to be unlimited in what he can accomplish due to not restricting himself to any set morals or values (that we can currently see). However, we do see that he is limited by someone who is stuck due to their circling thoughts of their own entrapment. Jin Kamurai.

Towers also hold another representation; aspiration and ambition. Their towering height showing us that, we too, can reach high with our ambitions and rise above. ⁴

This seems more along the lines of what we have seen Tohma described as. Ambitious and aspired- not worrying about getting his hands dirty in the process. He has even been described as running things in Jin’s absence.¹

Strength and stability are also key features that towers can represent. They are large, towering, and immovable objects. They have a solid foundation that allows for them to reach to the skies and reinforce the ideas that true strength does not come from isolation, but from standing firm in your own beliefs and principles. Towers invite introspection and self-assessment, urging those around them to build their own lives with the same sturdy foundations that the towers are built with. ⁴

Connecting this back to Jin, I think it is clear that Tohma represents himself as the tower in Jin’s life. It seems he is urging him to stand up and remove himself from isolation. To have Jin push his own beliefs and principles. Or- perhaps- to push the beliefs and principles that Tohma holds. Either way, I think that Tohma having his name represent ‘tower’ is very telling for his character. He seems to be the ever-looking figure in Frostheim, leading them forward and remaining rooted while making sure things do not crumble in Jin’s absence. He is the one pushing Jin to do more- despite Jin’s silent concerns of his own potential failings.

The next part we’ll focus on is the Truth/Reality of his name.

Having Tohma associated with Truth and Reality is an interesting choice on the game’s part. There are many things, within the Tokyo Denunker universe, that we do not have the full truths for. It is a mystery story that leaves us with many questions- only answering small portions and giving more questions behind.

What is the truth in Tokyo Debunker?

What is Truth and Reality in a world that has anomalies- the very thing that deviates from the ‘norm’?

And what is Truth and Reality for Tohma Ishibashi?

Tohma is painted very much as a character filled with deception. Many things in the game eluding to the fact that Tohma is not one you should find trustworthy. These will all be explored further in depth in their respective portions of this post. But it’s something to keep in mind, while reading.

But another important thing you should make note of is that despite his lack of trustworthiness, Tohma often states to Jun that he should trust him. And Jin seems to- to some degree. And I wonder why this is.

Now, onto Tohma’s family name; Ishibashi.

Stepping stones & stone bridges.

Both of these can very easily be looked at in both a connecting and disconnecting manner.

Specifically, for bridges, they can represent the transition from one state to another. The ending of a cycle and rebirth into another. As well as a desire for change. ⁵

Again, we see themes of cycles pop up in Tokyo Debunker. On my analysis of Jin Kamurai, we spoke of the Social Cycle Theory and how that tied into not only the characteristics of Jin Kamurai, but also the game, in of itself. But here, the mentions of cycle seem to indicate that they are not repeating for the sake of following in a similar or same path but a cycle that leads from one destination to a completely new destination- looking for change. For a different outcome. The emphasis falling on breaking the cycle of repeating itself and, instead, starting a new cycle that will have a different outcome.

Bridges also can symbolize the transition stages in your life, the connection between the conscious and unconscious, dangers of crossing a boundary, confidence, advancements, goals, fears, anxieties and emotional troubles. ⁵

This casts a wide net on the meaning for bridges, as it seems that the destination can vary depending on how you approach the subject. Very much like Tohma, who is complex in his duality of what he can achieve and how he goes about achieving it. He could very easily flip between being a bridge that crosses over into heaven or into hell. There is also something to be said about the phrase of burning bridges. Is Tohma the type to burn bridges? I don’t personally think so. He seems more the type to explore every avenue he can to get what he wants. But, ultimately, we don’t know what Tohma wants. All we know is that he’ll do whatever he can to reach his goals- whatever they may be.

Metaphorically speaking, bridges can be meeting points in arguments and negotiations. You build a bridge to cross challenging terrain to get from one side to another. ⁶

In our language, we use bridges often as a way to convey having discussions or negotiations with others. Phrases such as “bridging the gap” or “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there” or even “burning bridges” all seem to have implications of connections with other people and how we can use our words to build or destroy those connections. By meeting others halfway, dealing with a situation once it arises rather than pre-planning, or eliminating a connection altogether. ⁶

It’s curious, then, that Ishibashi seems to strongly focus on connections with others. The same aspect easily applied with the Stepping Stones part of his name as well. Using others as a stepping stone immediately comes to mind. Which also plays into Tohma’s nature of stepping on others to reach his ambitions.

However, stepping stones can also illustrate taking steps to navigate a difficult or larger situation. Allowing you to break tasks down into smaller ‘steps’ that can be achieved in order to reach a larger goal. Stepping stones allow us to take smaller steps rather than one giant leap. Allowing for advancement at a safer and more planned pace rather than being reckless. ⁷

This can also show that Tohma carefully plans around his actions and takes things in smaller strides rather than racing to the finish line. He is meticulous in what he does- carefully crafting his plan so that he has a larger chance of success at whatever goal he is trying to reach.

I think, when putting the name together, it paints a particular picture.

Tohma is an ambitious man. One who seems to almost be a looming tower within his house- firm where he stands and ambitions high in the clouds. He seems to represent, for some, a sturdy and reliable person that empowers them due to the connections he has built with them. Namely with Jin, whom Tohma seems to have built the most communication with. We see him with Jin the most and, with Jin, he seems to have established a close enough relationship where he is entrusted with valuable information.

But is this trust something that Jin will regret?

Whatever the case is, the name heavily suggests the possibility of both. And I believe Tohma to be the type of person who will keep his options open until the absolute last minute where he will need to make a choice. And then, in his moment of truth, we will see whether he bridges the gap or burns the bridge.

Signs Within the Signature

Signatures can reveal a lot about a character. Tohma is no exception. His own signature showing various aspects of his characteristics and the duality of who he is as a person.

When you look at the signature, you can tell that it has a slight right lean. Subtle right leaning text can show signs of ambition, optimism, creativity, and vitality. ⁸

Tohma, as we have stated before, is an ambitious character who strives to meet his goals under any circumstances. It would not come as a surprise if he was creative in various ways of reaching said goals. There also has to be a level of optimism and vitality to believe you’re going to reach said goals and to actively work towards them.

Legibility for the signature is also clear. Each letter well defined and easy to read. This can indicate open and straightforwardness. ⁸

This aspect is an interesting one. Tohma is not a very open or honest person. At least, not in how the game presents him. However, Tohma, himself, may be attempting to appear as an open and straightforward person. He certainly seems to act this way towards both Jin and Alan, as both captains seem to believe his words and advice to some degree.

When the i-dot is more of a slash, it can indicate impatience or being in a rush. The i-dot in Tohma’s signature very much being similar to a slash or line than a small dot. ⁹

While Tohma is more of a particular person, he does have the tendency to also act quickly when needed. I can imagine that he is not the type that rushes into things head on without a plan- unless he has sufficient backup. But he can handle things quickly and efficiently.

Heavy pen pressure can show a strong sense of being active and having strength and energy as well as intense motions. It could also be how they felt in the moment. Tohma’s signature having thicker lines implying that his pen pressure was a bit heavier. ⁹

Tohma has been described as someone who has a lot of brute force, to begin with. And we’ve already discussed how he has quite a bit of vitality, as well. Keeping up with everything he does around Frostheim must also take up a considerable amount of energy while also maintaining missions and meeting in private with others and also working on whatever his secret goal is. Having a heavier pen pressure does not come as a surprise to me.

Baby, He Was Born This Day

Tohma was born on May 31st, slotting him as a Gemini.

Those who are born on May 31st are typically considered ‘peacemakers’. Often, they make it their goal to lead others to a satisfying conclusion with their communications. They’re able to find purpose in just about anything and can change perspectives- making sure conversations don’t dwell on unimportant or off-topic matters. ¹⁰

While Tohma has the tendency to skirt around topics and speak in a shady manner, he has the capabilities to steering others into conversations he wants to have. He’s quick to quip back and guide conversations back to the topics he wants to discuss- which we see when he interacts with Jin or MC.

Having a tendency to expect too much from those in their life, people born on May 31st can be set up against frustrating challenges. They can remain level-headed as long as they are given some quiet, secrecy, and space in their relationships. Preferring the company of those who can be silent with them and, in turn, understand their silence as well. ¹⁰

Time and time again, we see Tohma having expectations from Jin. Wanting his captain to come out of seclusion or to partake in missions. He often reminds him that he cannot keep his stigma problem a secret forever and that, eventually, it will come out to the public. He is able to remain rational through this all, never once snapping at Jin despite his outbursts at him. Keeping calm in the face of having an ash tray thrown in his direction or a sword swung in his general direction.

It seems Tohma, in turn, is allotted a lot of trust from Jin- even when he does state he distrusts him. He’s given his privacy and allowed to work in ways he deems to be the best. Secretive and working within the shadows while also remaining a frontman for Frostheim. The duality of Tohma surfacing once again.

There is a level of admiration for those whom they respect and view as moral. Spending their company with those that they deem as just. ¹⁰

Again, we see Tohma spending time with Jin quite a bit. He states that he views Jin as a kind person and lists off how Jin has helped behind the scenes. Even when he’s not active in front of others. Additionally, Tohma notes how he and Jin will benefit from one another, stating they’ve made some sort of deal. Ultimately, it seems they’re working towards a similar goal.

Individuals, such as Tohma, are proud and confident as well. Stopping at nothing in their path when they set their eyes on a goal. They are educated and rarely in a sour mood. However, they can lack the ability to connect with those in their social circle. This can lead to them having awkward or even uncomfortable moments with others. ¹⁰

Again, Tohma is typically not seen in a sour mood. He’s calm and collected, often wearing a smirk. That being said, we have also seen Tohma having some conflict with other characters. Between Leo interrupting his meeting with Alan and his very tense conversation with Haku and Rui, it’s clear that he has some very uncomfortable moments with others.

Overall, Tohma’s day of birth might not hold much significance for his character. But I think it does highlight certain aspects of his personality that shouldn’t be overlooked.

Dress to Impress

When you look at Tohma’s appearance, it’s pretty easy to tell right off the bat that he’s trying to portray himself as something other than what he truly is. Clean cut clothes with minimal color, neat hair, and a monocle to top it off. Comically, he seems to almost portray a caricature of what an extremely wealthy person may look like. But why is that?

For this section, I’m only going to focus on Tohma’s casual outfit and not any of his other outfits.

Aside from the monocle, the next noticeable thing about Tohma would be the beige on beige on beige. Okay. Not exactly all beige. But he’s wearing a lot of beige.

Beige can be considered a dependable, conservative, and flexible color. It evokes energy and strength while also coming across as intellectual and trustworthy. It’s a color that can go beyond any problems you’re facing by helping you rely on your inner strength. ¹¹

It’s telling that Tohma is wearing a color that’s commonly associated with being trustworthy. It seems this is an image that he’s trying to put out of himself- wanting to come across as someone that you can depend upon while not being overbearing.

Furthermore, if you enjoy the color beige, it’s natural for you to be welcoming to others. You prefer living a quiet lifestyle and don’t stand out in a crowd- wanting to be seen as normal. ¹¹

To emphasize further on Tohma’s attempt at masking himself as someone who belongs, it seems that wearing beige was a deliberate choice. For someone who is analytical and carefully considers their options, it would make sense for him to select a color that doesn’t stick out to wear on a more casual manner.

Beige has the ability to generate feelings of stability and reliability, creating a welcoming environment. ¹²

Again, Tohma is selective in what he wears and is careful with how he presents himself to others. Wanting to be seen as someone that can be relied upon. Fitting for someone who is a Vice-Captain while also heavily taking on the duties of his Captain in his absence. He would want to be seen as being dependable to those in his house. Especially with how much they distrust him from his switch from one house to another.

Of course, we can’t analyze Tohma’s appearance without touching on the one thing that really causes him to stick out from the crowd. His monocle.

Seen as a symbols of status, monocles were often only worn by the wealthy and elite upper classes. Due to needing to be made for a custom fit and costly materials such as gold, silver, and tortoise shells, they weren’t something the every day citizen could afford. ¹³

Additionally, monocles can also come across as a caricature of an intellectual and rich elite. They’re seen as pretentious to some, due to the ‘high class’ status that comes with owning the eyewear. So it’s fascinating that someone who painstakingly wears beige on briefs also chooses to wear something that almost seemingly mocks those he’s around- the wealthy upper-class elites of Frostheim.

The duality of this being he could be wearing it as an earnest attempt at blending in. Making himself seem more fitting to brush shoulders with aristocrats and nepo babies. Or it could be a not so subtle jab at their snobbish appearances. It’s truly hard to say.

What we can say, though, is that Tohma does seem to give his clothing some deliberate consideration.

Personally He’s Not Personable

Tohma is more focused on the tasks at hand rather than building relationships. Sure, he can be social when required. But his focus seems to be more on his job and requirements than it does on his connections with others. So much so that Tohma does not seem bothered or perturbed by the thought of masking his true intentions and personality from others to reach his goal. Keeping many of his thoughts and opinions to himself and only speaking when trying to gain something from others.

There also seems to be a more focused on working in the shadows. Tohma does not need the attention from others to feel as if he has done a good enough job. His desires stem from getting the job done and getting it done in a matter he deems to be satisfactory. He doesn’t have to bask in the praises of others- finding joy in simply doing a job well-done. Additionally, Tohma values the job being done in an efficient manner while making sure that it is done in a way that leaves no room for error. He seems to crave challenges and thrives off of solving difficult situations- such as when Jun demands him to charge forward and take down anomalies while also carrying a child.

All that being said, Tohma is also a rather reliable person. So long as your interests align. He seems to put his best foot forward, keeping face even when a situation seems difficult or faces with aggression. He remains calm under most circumstances and seems to act as if he always has the upper hand. Even when put in a surprising situation, such as when Leo tricks him and Alan into meeting one another, Tohma still manages to come out not losing much in the situation. Alan still trusts him, despite Leo’s protests and Leo still has very limited information on what it is, exactly, Alan and Tohma are meeting up and discussing.

Still, it’s quite clear that Tohma is not a personable person. Even on his character profile, his ‘Likes’ are marked as N/A.¹ He picks uninspired clothes- aside from the jabbing monocle, and he keeps a cool head. His interests are kept to himself, save for a potential interest in chess. And, again, can we truly say that he’s passionate about chess? Or is that something he picked up because it’s Jin’s favorite thing? Who really knows. He keeps everything closed to his chest.

He’s Got the Power

Like many ghouls, Tohma had both a stigma and a special artifact. Additionally, he has brute strength- seemingly more so than the other ghouls- and access to a wide range of artifacts due to Darkwick seemingly entrusting him.

Argeas allows Tohma the ability to transmit vibrations over long distances. It gives him the capabilities to send messages long distances and can be amplified to even go through anomalous soundproofing through MC’s own ability. Additionally, paired with his brute strength, Tohma even has the strength to use the vibrations to completely destroy building foundations through creating earthquakes.

Tohma also has a special artifact in the form of a halberd. While we don’t know what capabilities his special artifact does, at this time, we do know that he uses it to cut anomalies and slam into the ground to presumably send vibrations down to the building base to help destroy it.

There’s also Tohma’s noted brute strength, which we spoke of already. It seems to amplify his stigma and seems to also allow him to fully use a halberd without breaking a heavy sweat over it.

Finally, while not an ability, Tohma does have access to more ‘rare’ artifacts. Such as the skeleton key. Stating that Darkwick allows him to have access to such artifacts due to having built trust with them.

His Relationships

Tohma is interesting in the way that he acts with other characters. Here, we’ll break down the very basics of his relationships with the other characters. I won’t go too far in depth with each one, as there are still so many. And I’ll leave theories to the What May Come to Pass section. So this will primarily be focused on the surface level of the relationships and how they have been presented to us thus far. I am also leaving out staff, at this time. Though, I will note, I would not be surprised to learn that he has some dealings with the staff in any way.

Jin Kamurai

Jin and Tohma have a rather complex relationship that I don’t think can be summed up easily in this post, alone. It seems the two have some sort of agreement amongst one another, working together for some larger goal at hand. We still don’t know what this goal is but it seems that it does pertain to, at least, Jin getting some form of revenge for ‘her’. Heavily implied to be his mother. Additionally, the two have a rather fueled relationship where they both can be quippy towards one another. Making snide remarks and calling the other out on their behaviors. It appears they’re close. But the details beyond that, are elusive to us.

Kaito Fuji

Kaito and Tohma don’t have many direct interactions, to say the least. Kaito still seems to crop up around him quite a bit. Likely due to the both of them sharing a house together. Additionally, they’ve both worked on at least one mission together, so far.

As it is now, I don’t believe that they’ve had much direct conversations to really warrant their relationship to be beyond just housemates. Perhaps Tohma not really viewing Kaito as much, at all.

Lucas Errant

Lucas and Tohma also don’t seem to have many in-depth interactions with one another. But we do see Lucas going to Tohma and asking to be given a high ranking mission. This declines and states that he, quite frankly, does not trust Lucas and that he needs to earn this, respectively, from him. Lucas does seem to flub the mission, but his determination does seem to stir something within Tohma to allow him to rectify his mistakes. I think saying that Tohma finds Lucas to be earnest in his interactions would not be too far of a stretch to believe. He also is thankful that Lucas was able to also get Jin out of his room and active, once more. Something that he had been trying to do for some time.

Alan Mido

Another complex relationship with even less information than the relationship Tohma has with Jin. We know these two have worked together in the past and are collaborating to look for a ‘spy’. They both share the sentiment that their new housemates are a bit unruly and need to be taught valuable lessons. But, for the most part, there does not seem to be any hostility between Tohma and Alan. In fact, they seem to have a deep mutual understanding of one another. Though, Tohma does appear to be mildly frustrated at Alan’s lack of security when it comes to his phone and technology.

Leo Kurosagi

While their only interaction was rather terse, Leo and Tohma seemed to not like one another. Or rather, Leo greatly dislikes Tohma. He seems to wildly distrust him and urges for Alan to distrust him, as well. Meanwhile, Tohma likely finds Leo as an irritant due to him snooping in on their meetings. Ready to even attack him, at first, when Leo first tricks Alan and Tohma to a meeting in the car. Eventually leading to the car being anomalously soundproofed and even their meetings taking place in a ‘gross’ forest (presumed to be the forest by Obscuary). I fully expect there to be more tension in this front.

Ritsu Shinjo

Another person who has snooped in on Tohma. Though, only in the images of a warding card. Still, we have seen a campus hangout where Ritsu crosses paths with Jin and attempts to get information from him, as well. So it seems Ritsu is, at the very least, hinted at trying to get information about Frostheim. Other than that, we can’t speculate on what their relationship is.

Haku Kusanagi

This is another tense interaction that Tohma had. In Episode 7 Chapter 19 and Episode 7 Chapter 20, we see Haku and Tohma exchange a brief but rather uncomfortable conversation. Tohma even going as far as to tell Haku to not ‘act dumb’ when questioned about why Mortkranken refused to do an autopsy. Tohma seemingly even been the aggressor in starting the conversation this go around. There’s also been hinted notes that Haku also switched houses (speculative on either Frostheim or Clementia) and is viewed as a traitor, of sorts, because of this. And also speculative that Haku has a tense relationship with Jin, as well. So- this dynamic is certainly one worth keeping an eye on.

Rui Mizuki

Yet another relationship that comes across as almost sour. Between Episodes 7 Chapter 20 and the campus hangout these two have, I think it’s quite clear that there is a level of dislike between the both of them. All while keeping a friendly air about it. They both present smiles to one another but their words come across as almost sharp and critical of one another. With Rui commenting on how it’s odd to see Tohma out and about and having conversations with others and then Tohma quipping back that it’s more surprising on Rui’s front due to his ‘limited movement’- implying that he doesn’t go out much likely due to his curse. Additionally, Rui seemed to comment about how Darkwick General knows nothing about curses, Haku responding with ‘Yikes’ and then Tohma remaining silent before excusing himself. I would venture to say that they do not get along at all.

Yuri Isami

Again, we have yet another tense relationship. Though, this one seems more on account of Yuri’s extreme dislike for Frostheim. Still, Tohma seems to go out of his way to try and strong arm Yuri into either doing an autopsy and releasing the information to Frostheim by threatening to cut funding (and then doing just that when Yuri does not comply).

Jiro Kirisaki

They have not interacted but it’s important to note that he suspected Jiro of being on Frostheim grounds and was not entirely happy about this. It could be due to the tense relationship that Frostheim and Mortkranken have with one another, though.

Overall, Tohma has many relationships either shrouded in mystery or volatile to a degree. It’s quite clear that he does not easily get along with others and seems to keep himself at a distance with them. The only two majorly positive relationships we see with Tohma are with Alan- whom he meets in secret with and with Jin, and even that one has its own tense portions.

Cards & Cosmic Bonds

Tohma does not have many cards, currently. At least, when compared to someone like Jin. Even so, the cards he does have seem to be quite telling for how Tohma acts and presents himself to others. Each card becoming another puzzle to create the full picture of the Frostheim Vice-Captain. So let’s take a deeper look at his cards and cosmic bonds.

Contrived Smile

The standard SSR character card we have of Tohma Ishibashi is already interesting when you simply break down the title; Contrived Smile. It speaks volumes, in of itself.

Contrived: having an unnatural or false appearance or quality. - Artificial, Labored. ¹⁴

But what does this mean for Tohma? Contrived smile seems to, at least, imply that the smile he is wearing was forced. An act that he put on that seems unfitting for his true nature. The smile that he’s wearing is artificial or unnatural.

Additionally, when you look at the card, itself, the body language Tohma has also seems to amplify his fake demeanor that he holds. Body language can be something more difficult to decipher since different backgrounds can lead to different mannerisms and there’s no one size fits all solution for determining them. But, for now, let’s look at this through the lens of a character being crafted for the sake of consumption.

The image above shows Tohma touching his face/chin. This can typically be a symbol of lying. But here are a few options for what this body language can be implying; ¹⁵

1) He may be nervous and touching his face to control his emotions. ¹⁵

When you lie, it’s pretty common to feel nervous that you may get caught within the lie. After all, lying does often come with consequences. So it would be no surprise if Tohma was, internally, a little nervous to be caught within a lie. Granted, he always manages to keep a cool and level head even when he’s having ash trays thrown at him. So being nervous does not seem to be the case for Tohma.

2) Tohma may be trying to recall or remember the details of the lie he is crafting. ¹⁵

Lying usually means having to recall details that you have crafted. This would require a bit more thinking than when recalling naturally occurring memories. It would make sense that Tohma would be recalling information that he’s crafted often enough.

3) The gesture, itself, can make Tohma seem more trusting and credible. ¹⁵

One thing that keeps repeating for Tohma is the reoccurring theme of wanting to appear as trusting. Between wearing beige, telling Jin to trust him, and overall the way he carries himself, Tohma is clearly trying to put on an air that he’s reliable and can be trusted. That he’s credible and won’t take advantage of you. Even when everyone says that he’s a side-swapping traitor, Tohma still carefully crafts himself as someone you can depend upon.

Having your hand on your face could be a way of hiding something from others or having a secret because you’re hiding your emotions. It could also be a way to cover up something you don’t want others to see. Such as if you’re sad or angry. It could also be because you’re feeling uncomfortable or defensive or even self-conscious. Truth is, there are many reasons why someone may be touching their face. You could have something that you’re wanting to say but you’re unsure on how to broach the topic- wanting to be careful with your word choice. Or you could be considering your options of an idea that has been presented to you. ¹⁵

Again, there are many reasons for someone to touch their face. The important thing to note is that when combined with the title; Contrived Smile, and the smirk that Tohma is wearing, it starts to paint a picture of someone who is deceptive while trying to appear as friendly and trustworthy.

Watchful Shadow

I won’t get too in depth with the standard SSR Warding card here, but it adds onto Tohma’s characteristics. Watchful implying that he keeps his eyes on others and shadow stating that he remains hidden while he does so. In the warding card image, you even see Tohma hiding within a building- obscured by a curtain in a window- as he’s watching Kaito and Lucas interacting with one another.

Keeping a close eye on the two other ghouls is something that Tohma also does within the story of Tokyo Debunker. Keeping his eyes on how they are handling a mission. While this isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, it does show that Tohma has tabs on those within his house. He could be keeping an eye on them to make sure that they’re safe. Or it could be for gathering information. It could be a combination of both, which would not surprise me in the slightest.

We also know that Tohma is looking for a ‘spy’. And that he is closing in on them. While we don’t know who this ‘spy’ is, or what Tohma even considers a spy, we do know that this heavily implies that he’s keeping his eyes on others, as well. Being a Watchful Shadow is not off the table for Tohma and this card definitely makes it clear that he’s silently keeping tabs on everyone.

Zipper Croc

We see the zipper croc within the world of Tokyo Debunker when MC is informed that they tend to eat litter and ‘swim’ in the concrete/pavement of the roads. Poking their heads up through seemingly zipper portals. Zipper crocs are also featured on the Campus Hangout area as well as being Tohma’s SR Warding Card representation.

While zipper crocs do not hold actual lore behind them, I took the time to depict different meanings behind both zippers and crocodiles. As well as give my own thoughts on what it could mean without any research to back it up fully.

When you look at the card image above, you can see where the anomalous animal gets its name from. It’s quite literally just a crocodile coming out of a zipper. It seems to have a rather friendly looking face, hardly malicious despite being based off of a predator animal. So breaking down different meanings of both zippers and crocodiles is an important aspect of understanding why this creature was Tohma’s SR card.

Starting with zippers, we can see a repeat in some of the themes within Tohma’s character; transition and change, revealing hidden truths, and protection or concealment. Zippers can also represent emotional closure as well as a sense of control. ¹⁶

Just as bridges, we see that transitions and change pop up once again. Zippers showcasing the various transitions and changes one can face in their life. Bridges also had offered the same, mentioning changes and transitions you take and crossing over to a ‘new life’. We already know Tohma had experienced one transition; from one house to another. Going from Vagastrom to Frostheim. This was already quite a transition in his life and something we may expect to see later on is another transition or change in his character.

There could be an indication for a need for change or transition. Moving on from a situation or a phase. A desire to control your emotions or circumstances and a need for protection against exposure. ¹⁶

Whether we see actual change in Tohma is yet to truly be revealed. But we do see him protecting others. He does so when carrying the child in the Frostheim chapter. Even going as far as to tell the kid to not apologize because he couldn’t walk and was a ‘burden’ to Tohma for him having to carry him while fighting. We also see him protecting Jin from critical backlash from his own brutish behavior by stating that Jin was merely putting on a show for the audience in the ballroom. Tohma taking on the form of a protector, of sorts, is something that we see him do despite his deceptive nature.

Zippers can symbolize a revealing or concealing aspect of ourselves. They can, from a psychological standpoint, represent boundaries we set for ourselves. Whether it be us hiding behind a facade or hiding our true selves from others or even ourselves. Only ‘unzipping’ when ready to reveal ourselves to others. ¹⁶

Hiding one’s intentions is another repeating theme we see within Tohma’s character. His card ‘Contrived Smile’ hinting at his forced appearance and how he keeps his own interests stated as unavailable. We don’t know much about Tohma or what makes him tick. But what we do know is that he’s hiding much under the guise of being a reliable helping hand. It would not be a surprise if we later see Tohma ‘unzip’ and reveal the true self he’s hiding from us all.

There’s also the same repetition of faking when you look at crocodiles and the sayings we have associated with them.

One of the first things that comes to mind, when thinking of crocodiles, is the term ‘crocodile tears’. The term simply meaning when someone pretends to cry to garner sympathy or lure others in close to you. The saying originating from how crocodiles, as animals, function. Crocodiles do cry, after all. When they spend long periods of time out of the water, their eyes begin to dry up and, so in turn, they cry to help lubricate their eyes. The saying cropped up due to the fact that many believed that crocodiles only shed their tears when attacking and consuming their prey. And it was thought they did this as either a way to lure their victims closer or due to the grief of their actions. ¹⁷

While we don’t see Tohma display feigned emotions of distress or anguish, we do know him to be deceptive by nature. That he’s willing to use any tactic in order to get what he wants from a situation. Seeing him act in such a way is very reminiscent of crocodile tears. Would this be a tactic that Tohma may consider using in the future? Perhaps if it were to benefit him in the long run, he may consider it. Though, he keeps many of his emotions to his chest. Still, we can’t truly say that we can trust Tohma’s intentions or tank feelings he may display in the future and it’s worth noting.

In Ancient Egyptian culture, crocodiles were held in regards of being strong and powerful. This was due to their god Sobek and Ammit. Both having the head of a crocodile. Sobek was associated with the Nile and considered the lifeblood of Egypt and Ammit was known as the devourer of the dead, consuming those that were deemed too sinful or unworthy to enter the afterlife. Some African cultures also hold crocodiles in high regard, believing crocodiles to be fierce and often using them as symbols for their chiefs. This was due to their fast and precise strikes to their prey, making them formidable foes. Crocodiles are also well regarded in many other cultures for various reasons- but all are deemed positive and symbols of strength and impossible feats. ¹⁸

Crocodiles are quite fierce, known for their powerful bites and swift movements. It is no surprise that Tohma would be likened to a crocodile due to his natural brute force and how quick he seems to be able to enact his strength while having limitations. Tohma also is within a higher position, being entrusted by Darkwick to have access to rarer artifacts and keeping hold of them within the Vault, in Frostheim. He, too, is held in a high regard. Albeit, not in a god-like status. But enough so that Jin seems to trust him as well as Darkwick, themselves. His influence just as strong as his powerful blows.

Jour Nekomata

Tohma’s R warding card is what appears to be a cat with two tails. Or rather, a Nekomata. Paired with the word Jour. Here, we’ll analyze the warding card and how it could pertain to Tohma, as a character.

We’ll start with breaking down the aspect of the Nekomata, first.

Nekomata, in Japanese, have a few different spellings. Each have their own connection to what Nekomata are, in relations to the cat yōkai. Starting with 猫また. 猫 - Neko, which simply means cat. また Mata Wa, which means “multiple”, “repeat”, and “either or”. ¹⁹

In instance of the Nekomata, multiple would likely be referring to their tails, of which they have two. But in the world of Tokyo Debunker, repetition is something that is a key story point. Multiple, building off of that, could be in reference to the multiple options laid before Tohma and the multiple options laid before him or the multiple faces he may wear around others. And Either Or being the selection of a situation laid before where he’ll have to select either one option or another.

猫股, again the 猫 for Neko and 股 for forked or bifurcated. This is due to the ‘split’ in the tail of the cat. ¹⁹

This spelling simply refers to the cat’s split tail and how it appears forked. Nekomata have two tails, of which we will explore the meaning on shortly.

Finally, we have 猫又. 猫 for Neko, or cat, as we established in the other two spellings. 又 for ‘again’. Nekomata sometimes known as ‘again’ cats. This is due to cats believing to have multiple lives. Typical from the saying of cats having 9 lives. ¹⁹

There could be a few ways to truly view what this means from a character aspect. Again could have multiple meanings. One such meaning could be the implication of a character repeating something ‘again’. This makes sense in the themes that Tokyo Debunker has built up. Repetition making itself known. It could also imply that Tohma will experience something ‘again’. Perhaps whatever he faced in his previous house will repeat in Frostheim. Then, there could also be themes for the ‘multiple lives’ portion. Tohma leading multiple lives and wearing different faces.

Furthermore, Nekomata have been known to be malicious. Especially when compared to the Bakeneko, which it is often mistaken for. ²⁰

Two types of Nekomata have appeared throughout literature and telling of the cat yōkai; the mountain dwelling Nekomata and the domestic Nekomata. The mountain dwelling Nekomata best known for their ability to shapeshift into humans to deceive them and then to consume them. ²⁰

Then there are the domestic dwelling Nekomata, which are pet cats that grow old and lived tragic lives. Often experiencing hardships via humans and, in turn, causing them to become Nekomata that transform and eat humans. ²⁰

Nekomata, in turn, have often been compared to cat-like vampires, since they often have been noted to drink the blood of their owners. Likely out of an act of vengeance for their mistreatment. They also have the ability to bewitch non-magical house cats, as well. ¹⁹

With all of this in mind, I personally think it starts to showcase possibilities of Tohma’s goals as well as who he is, as a person. I’ll elaborate further on this in the What May Come to Pass section. But, for now, I want to really emphasize the parts that really stick out here; Nekomata can disguise themselves as humans and then consume them, house cats can become Nekomata after reaching an older age and often come from toxic situations, and they can bewitch non-magical house cats.

A central theme in Nekomata seems to be their ability to deceive in order to cause harm or get some sort of vengeance and simply survive. So I find it curious that Tohma has this as his R warding card.

The Other SSR Cards

Perfect Mirror, a character card for Tohma, seems to indicate (in the title) another theme of copying or, at the very least, repeating what others are doing in order to mask and fit in.

Spotted is a warding card featuring Tohma drinking tea while both Kaito and Lucas are in the background, looking in on Tohma. They are separated by a glass barrier, indicating that the Frostheim Vice-Captain is out in a cafe, of sorts. Possibly meeting with someone. Both Lucas and Kaito seem surprised by this. It could be assumed that Tohma is meeting with MC, as that would be my likely guess for a game focused on having MC be the central focus for the ghouls. Or rather, she should be. But, ultimately, we’ll never know who he was meeting with.

Knights Day Off is another warding card that features Tohma. He can be seen walking with the other ghouls in Frostheim, adjusting his monocle and peering over at Jin. Hes only slightly behind Jin and, behind him are Lucas and Kaito. It seems like a casual putting between house-ghouls and nothing is quite out of the ordinary here. But, it’s still important to bring up that he definitely has his focus on Jin.

Audacious Sleuth is another warding card primarily focused on Ritsu, who seems to be listening and recording a phone call of a man with their back turned to him. The man in question is likely to be Tohma, due to the similar hairstyle and coloring of hair. But it could be someone else. Either way, if it is Tohma, it’s interesting to see that he has Ritsu spying on him to collect information. Which seems to, at least, imply that he has some sort of valuable information. Or at least, valuable to Ritsu.

While all of these cards don’t hold any major significance to them and all only give speculations, I think a lot of them really paint Tohma as someone who has connections and is secretive about them. He seems to be masking himself to fit into a world he doesn’t quite belong in. And, overall, he does seem to have some sort of deeper connection with Jin. Though, we’ve been shown that their relationship is quite complex.

Cosmic Bonds

Unlike other characters, Tohma currently (as I’m writing this), is not featured in many cosmic bonds. I did only focus on the ones his SSR Character cards are put in, so please keep this in mind.

The Order of Frostheim is a bond with Jin, Kaito, and Lucas. I think the name is pretty simple in its meaning. It’s a bond between all the ghouls in the Frostheim house. It focuses solely on the order established in their power/rankings. This is a heavy theme throughout Frostheim, after all. Between the references of chess pieces, social structures, and royalty, Frostheim very much presents itself as an ‘orderly’ house. Though, what I find interesting is that despite showing itself to outwardly be a house that follows sort of a chain of command, Tohma is the one who is currently running the forefront of the house, as depicted on his character sheet. He’s doing so while in ‘Jin’s absence’ and presumably has been for quite some time. So- what really is the Order of Frostheim?

Gentlemen with Purpose is a bond with Lucas and Ritsu. This one, I think, is also relatively clear. Tohma, Ritsu, and Lucas are all considered to be ‘proper’. They’re polite and follow social etiquette. Additionally, they all have some sort of larger purpose or goal at hand. Lucas wants to subjugate a demon to find his twin brother. Ritsu wants to win the Laurel Crown and also help his father restore his reputation to some degree. Tohma- well… he has a goal. Whatever it is being unknown to us at the time. But- he has a purpose and he’s clearly putting in the work to reach whatever his goal may be.

Faces in the Crowd is a bond with Leo and Towa. This card, I would say, is where we have to take a bit of a deeper look. Namely because we don’t know much about Tohma or Towa. Whole assumptions would have to be made, here. But I think it simply implies that these three are all people who come across as unsuspecting to others. They’re just faces in a crowd. Someone that others think nothing of. Leo, while us the readers are aware, is two-faced. He’s cruel and has the tendency to use others. But his fan base on TikTok are none the wiser. He’s seen as lovable to them despite thinking his own fans are basic. Towa comes across as harmless and generally pretty friendly. Especially towards people like Haru or MC. However, we’ve seen Towa to be quite powerful and even have malicious and cruel intentions towards others. Namely Ren and Ed. He’s even electrocuted animals. Tohma has himself appear as a gentleman and friendly but, in his very nature, he will do whatever it takes to reach his goals. Presumably even if it is cruel to others.

Shadowed Smiles is a bond with Lucas and Subaru. And this one was the hardest for me to really depict a bond between them. But I would say that this bond actually focuses on the hardships these characters have endured and the smiles they wear being a shadow of their true feelings. Likely feelings of despair and hurt. It may be a bit of a reach here. But I would take a guess that perhaps each have had some cruelties happen in front of them and, now, they offer these friendly seeming smiles in place of what’s truly haunting them. Subaru is known for being a former actor, having done so throughout his childhood. It wouldn’t be a surprise if it came to light that he had some horrible experiences due to this. Lucas, as we do know, had a twin brother. One that he’s desperately trying to get back. It also would not be much of a stretch for me to believe that he may have felt pitted against his brother. Tohma…? Who’s to truly say. But I think time will tell.

The Story So Far

Thus far, Tohma has only appeared in a few chapters and from what we’ve seen of him, he has not revealed much about himself. The following is what we have seen in the story, not campus hangouts, and the central themes that continue to pop up with his character.

The first time we actually see Tohma is in the Prologue Chapter 30. There’s a brief glimpse of a few of the ghouls who attended the assembly of new ghouls, transfers, and the introduction of MC and the role she will be playing here. When showing the characters, we see Tohma sitting with a smile and touching his chin. He seems rather interested in the information being presented and also appears confident, though we can also see there’s someone sitting beside him off camera and Haru, who is relaxed a few seats behind.

Were shown a small handful of the ghouls who attended this assembly, though not all of them attended. For Frostheim, Tohma and Kaito both attended. Though, Tohma was already seated by the time MC arrived with Kaito and Lucas. He seemed quite amused and interested in being there. Which makes sense for his character, as he seems to like to be in the know. An assembly where they’re assigning new ghouls to houses would be one that Tohma would be interested in attending.

The next time we see Tohma is when MC meets him in Episode 1 Chapter 9. MC being sent to work with Frostheim as she approaches Jin’s room. Peering in, she sees that Tohma is speaking to Jin, appearing rather annoyed that Jin seems to be ignoring him. He continues with his explanation of a corpse walking around and Jin continues to show disinterest in the topic at hand. This is when Tohma asks if he’s still feeling unwell and if he should call Mortkranken, which earns a disgruntled look from Jin. Then, he asks if he should contact his father, instead. Causing Jin to lash out and throw an ashtray in his general direction. Tohma seems rather unphased by this reaction and is about to continue on before MC is spotted.

The first time that MC meets Tohma, we are directly greeted with the fact that he’s having some sort of meeting with Jin. At the time, what the meeting is about is unknown to us. Though, later it’s revealed that it’s connected to the mission that will be taking place this episode. Sprinkled throughout.

We’re also first introduced to the fact that Tohma seems to purposely try to frustrated Jin by poking at some of his sore spots; Mortkranken and his father. Seemingly both things that Jin has rather tense relationships with. And the reactions he gets don’t earn a reaction from Tohma, either.

Jin is the first to spot MC and Tohma is quick to tell MC that she’s brazen for being a peeping tom. Jin then tells Tohma to use a match on her, to which he seems quick to comply with, walking over before recognizing who she is- as he had attended the assembly. He informs Jin that the matches will not work on MC due to her curse. Amused by this to some degree.

Once Tohma confronts MC, he’s quick to call her a brazen peeping tom- which, while true from his perspective, certainly was quipped. He also was ready and willing to use the mesmer matches on MC, only stopping when he realized that they would not work on her due to the information he gained at the assembly. His amusement likely stemming from the fact that Jin cannot hide the interaction from MC, at this point. And also likely a mild and secret frustration on his part, since he is also unable to hide the interaction, either. It seems that he’ll be forced to have to work with MC to some degree.

Episode 1 Chapter 11, we learn from Kaito that Tohma is the one MC should go to for things. He states, “The Vice-Captain’s been pretty much running the show lately.”

Aside from Tohma’s character sheet on the main website saying that he’s running things in Jin’s absence, it’s here that the MC learns that the Vice-Captain is the one to go to for anything. And it’s one of the first instances where we see that everyone defaults to Tohma for things, in the Frostheim house. He is, as it has been clearly stated, running the show. And we (and MC) have now seen that Jin keeps himself secluded in his room without wanting to see anyone in there.

Now that MC learns to go to Tohma, she asks Kaito where he can be found. Episode 1 Chapter 12, Kaito informs MC that Tohma can be found in a vault in the Frostheim dormitory, doing paperwork. They set out to go to the vault, with Lucas, and step inside, noting that it’s quite cold and that it’s unlikely that Tohma actually would spend all his time here. Shortly after, the trio see a student by the name of Yumiko running and shouting for someone to help her.

Tohma spends a good chunk of his time, allegedly, within Frostheim’s chilly vaults doing paperwork. Diligent despite the cold temperatures. But what’s truly interesting is, here, this is the first time we see the name Yumiko pop up. And notably, she is running in fear from some anomalous chess pieces. Running from a place where Tohma regularly spends his time.

Episode 1 Chapter 13 kicks off with some action, the anomalous chess pieces that had been chasing Yumiko now focused on MC, Kaito, and Lucas. Lucas preparing to fight the anomalies off before Tohma appears and, in a commanding tone, states “That’s enough.” The chess pieces no longer continue their approach on the trio and Tohma then asks what they’re doing there. They let him know they’re there to give him some paperwork and then MC lets Tohma know there was someone yelling for help earlier. Tohma responds with, “What person?” and the subject is dropped almost immediately, Tohma taking the papers MC came to bring him.

An example of Tohma’s control starts here. He questions why the trio are there- not appreciating the fact that they intruded within his space without permission or warning. It’s clear he keeps the vault secured and an uncomfortable place for others to linger in for long. Almost secluded, in a sense. And when questioned about the person yelling for help, Tohma asks “what person” as if he doesn’t know what the group are referring to. This is doubtful, to me. Someone as calculated as Tohma was very aware of someone being in the vault. And he quickly deflects this topic, accepting the paperwork that MC brought.

Lucas introduces himself shortly after, asking if he could be put on the mission presented on the paper MC just handed over. Tohma is quick to decline this, stating that he does not trust Lucas, as of yet, and that he would only get in his way. Lucas insist he can handle himself and swiftly, Tohma informs that he has not earned his approval. Ever insistent, Lucas tells Tohma to test him, prompting Tohma to say that Lucas has, at least, proven himself stubborn. He offers for Lucas to take up a low ranking mission of his choice and to complete it without incident. If he does so, he’ll consider him for future missions and Lucas agrees. The trio then go to look over the missions provided to make their selection.

This is the first real interaction we see with Tohma and Lucas. Lucas insisting to be given a chance to prove himself and Tohma allowing him the chance while also making it very clear that he does not think much of him, currently. He is willing to let Lucas go on a lower ranking mission and is clear with not wanting to send someone he doesn’t know well to a high ranking and dangerous mission. Assessing others and determining their skill sets and what they can realistically accomplish, Tohma shows his more analytical side here. Risks minimized are his priority of the reward is minimal. It makes sense as to why he is the one spearheading things while Jin remains hidden away.

It doesn’t take long for Lucas and the others to select a mission in Episode 1 Chapter 14. They take the papers to Tohma and have him sign the documents off. Tohma then states that MC must also go along on the mission, as it is her job to do so. Then Tohma asks for a moment of MC’s time, dismissing Lucas and Kaito.

Once again, Tohma seems to ensure that MC goes along on a lower ranking mission to qualify for the task put upon her; go on a mission with Frostheim. With it being a low ranking mission, he can ensure that it won’t be terribly dangerous for MC to embark on.

Episode 1 Chapter 15, Tohma has MC take a seat on one of the chairs, letting her know it’s more comfortable than it looks. He makes her Darjeeling tea, mentioning that it’s Jin’s favorite and how he will be unable to serve it to him for some time and may have to dispose of it. Continuing on, Tohma states that Jin is still furious over MC’s intrusion and, by default, Tohma is still not allowed back into his room.

Tension grows here when Tohma calls out MC for disrupting his conversation with Jin and upsetting him. Making a more clever approach with the topic by starting with offering MC some tea. Then calmly stating that the tea he offered is Jin’s favorite. Pivoting after to then use this as an opportunity to remind MC that she messed up and he is dealing with consequences because of it. Starting by dropping her guard and then going in to leave a scathing comment.

Here, MC has the option to respond three different ways and receives three different answers from Tohma.

1) MC responds with, “I’m sorry…” to which Tohma responds, “If you’ll be coming in and out of Frostheim, you’ll need to learn some manners.”

An apology doesn’t seem to cut it with Tohma, but he’s a little less harsh on his delivery. Essentially stating that some manners will need to be considered when coming into a house primarily built up of the social elites.

2) MC responds with, “I was there for a reason…” and Tohma responds, “You think this is the appropriate moment for excuses? It seems you need an education in etiquette.”

If you have MC state there was a reason to be there, Tohma seems to cut in a little deeper. He doesn’t value what he deems as an excuse. Education and etiquette are something needed when in Frostheim, again, in the upper echelons of society residing in this house. He’s clear to remind MC that she’ll need this in order to really get anywhere within this house.

3) MC responds with, “It’s not just my fault…” and Tohma responds, “I see. So you were peeping.”

Interestingly, if MC states it’s not just her fault- which to me feels more of an excuse than the other two- Tohma doesn’t remind her of manners or etiquette or education. Instead, he just confirms that MC was peeping. This is odd, in my opinion. If you have MC apologize or try to explain her reason, Tohma chides her. But if she attempts to deflect blame, Tohma simply remarks that she was doing as he suspected. Either way, all three options have Tohma slightly displeased and makes him come across as if he simply knows better than MC.

Regardless of what MC says, he states he’ll let it slide for now and asks MC if she plays chess. He explains the chess pieces from earlier are anomalous and that they utilize them in Frostheim, stating they grow in size and attack if they sense malicious intentions from an intruder. He tells MC to not worry, as they won’t attack, unless she has malicious intentions.

The chess pieces then hop onto the board while shrinking down, Tohma instructing MC to go first. “The player who makes the first move has an advantage.”

Chess is considered to be extremely strategic, Tohma offering for MC to go first and allowing her to ‘have an advantage’ is, still on his part, a strategic move. He knows that he has more experience playing chess so, even if MC has an advantage, it doesn’t matter. Tohma knows he will prevail.

Tohma begins to teach MC how to play chess, mirroring her moves with his own pieces. He watches MC ‘his eyes devoid of warmth’. The game then states that it seems as if he’s staring directly into MC’s thoughts and that he doesn’t remove his gaze.

Calculating as ever, Tohma begins to mirror MC’s movements. Mirroring is something that has been mentioned before in one of his character cards; Perfect Mirror. This is a theme that crops up for Tohma often- being one to mimic those around him in order to fit in or seem less intimidating. Despite his attempt at mirroring MC, it’s noted that he isn’t as friendly as he’s letting on. Eyes devoid of warmth suggesting that he is more cold and calculating than originally let on. Seeing into her thoughts- likely enhanced by the fact that he’s mimicking the moves that MC selects.

Still guiding MC on how to play chess, Tohma reaches over and grabs MC, activating his stigma. His movements quick and catching her off guard. Pointing to the board and stating, “check”.

MC would state, “It was as though his voice was inside my head, reverberating down my back, my legs, and right down to my toes. Every hair on my body stood on end. He continued holding my hand and my gaze, a satisfied smile on his lips.”

In this segment, we see that Tohma had activated his stigma and, in true Tohma fashion, tells MC ‘check’ to indicate that he won their chess game. Though, we later find out this message was also meant for someone else.

Episode 1 Chapter 16, Kaito and Lucas are waiting outside of the vault for MC and Tohma to finish their conversation. Lucas questions an anxious Kaito when he seems to be weary of Tohma and, Kaito soon confirms that he is, in fact weary. His response, being, “Are you being serious? He’s shady as fuck!! I mean who wears a monocle in this day and age, huh?!” Kaito then barges into the room and shouts when he sees that MC and Tohma are holding hands. Tohma comments that Kaito needs to learn proper etiquette for his sudden intrusion. And then the chess pieces grow in size and head towards Kaito in a defensive manner, to which Tohma states, “Interesting…”

Learning that Kaito, who is in his second year now, states that Tohma is shady. That him wearing a monocle is odd. Off putting, even. It would not be a stretch to assume that others feel similarly to Kaito about Tohma. Especially considering that he switched from one house to now be the Vice-Captain of Frostheim. Having someone from the outside ascend the rankings so quickly and also take charge in Jin’s absence would certainly lead to many others feeling prickly and untrusting.

Next, Kaito barges into the room and the chess pieces jump up to defend. This is noted as being interesting to Tohma. He also tells Kaito that he needs to learn etiquette. Again, Tohma remarking on others learning manners.

With the conversation between MC and Tohma concluding, he lets MC know she can leave but that she should take her job as the inspector seriously. Cleaning up as nothing happened, Tohma tells MC to address him by his name rather than Vice-Captain. He explains that there are other Vice-Captains and that it would get confusing. He then explains he has an urgent matter to attend to and that he’ll be taking his leave. Tohma departs and the chess pieces follow him.

Knowing that MC must take her duties seriously, Tohma reminds her of this and then departs with the chess pieces. In this instance, we saw Tohma use another for his benefit- as the following scene will elaborate, and then quickly depart to follow up on the other person he had sent the message to.

In Episode 1 Chapter 17, Tohma makes way to Jin’s room. He has a conversation with Jin as the following;

Tohma: “You have my sincere gratitude for allowing me the privilege of entering your chambers.”

Jin: “…You can take your “check” and shove it up your ass.”

Tohma: “You heard my voice, then?”

Jin: “Shameless, aren’t you? How did you bypass the soundproofing?”

Tohma notes that MC has the capabilities of bolstering their stigma use and Jin comments that Tohma “used that girl.” Tohma says yes, and that he was simply testing the claims the chancellor made and that it does seem to be true of her enhancing ability. Tohma then goes on to tell Jin that maybe he could- before being cut off.

Here, we learn that Tohma had used MC to both confirm her ability worked and to send a message to Jin. Not just a message of ‘check’ but, with the thematics of chess and Jin being the ‘king’, Tohma put himself in opposition to Jin, the ‘king’ and had landed a check on him. Not only by bypassing his soundproofing but by proving that he could find ways around his attempts of solitude. This was a power move on Tohma’s part, not only by intimidating MC and confirming how her ability to bolster stigmas worked but also by breaking through the anomalous soundproofing and let Jin know that he can and will find ways around it to get what he wants from him.

Shortly after this exchange, Jin tells Tohma to put on Johann Strauss and Tohma seems a bit confused, stating, “Johann who? Which one is that?” Jin is annoyed by this response from Tohma, asking how he could call himself Vice-Captain. Tohma quips back coolly that he at least performs his duties unlike Jin. Then Jin tells Tohma to leave his room.

A couple things to note in this scene;

1) Tohma did not know who Johann Strauss was.

And

2) It is not beneath him to make jabs at Jin and his inaction.

These are important because they showcase how Tohma can, at times, let his mask slip. He was not aware of who Johann Strauss was and this disgruntled Jin, likely because if Tohma is the Vice-Captain of Frostheim, he should know information pertaining to more ‘refined’ music, as it were. Because Tohma did not know this, it shows that he was not born into a higher class society and could not fit the part as such in a natural manner. Additionally, because Jin was frustrated by his lack of knowledge, he made a remark towards him- to which Tohma responded back harshly. Likely because Tohma has worked hard to perfect his current mask and, therefore, is frustrated that Jin would question his ability to be the Vice-Captain over something as trivial as music.

Tohma does not leave the room and says he still has more to say. Explaining that there were new developments in the case he was investigating. He informs Jin that the child in the video recording was already dead prior to the recording found and that the kid was yet to be identified. Jin comments that the kid is an orphan. Tohma replies with, “So you did read what I sent you.”

Tohma then states he will survey the area, suggesting that Jin join him as well. Jin declines and Tohma remarks, “I can rest easy knowing you’ll be safely tucked up in your room behaving yourself.” Jin calls out his snark which prompts Tohma to respond with, “You won’t be able to hide this indefinitely.” Jin asks if he’ll betray him next. Tohma does not respond immediately but then says, “You still can’t use it, can you? Understood. Please get some rest. But all you are doing is delaying the inevitable.” Jin likens himself to a tasty mouse with hungry snakes all around. When Tohma does not respond, he tells him to fuck off and leave, to which Tohma complies and exits.

Relaying the information over, Tohma does seem grateful that Jin had been reading the information he sent to him. However, things take a bit of a sour turn in their conversation when Tohma reminds Jin of his inability to use his stigma. It seems that Tohma is trying to get Jin to come out and show his face despite his lack of stigma usage. But this does not work and Tohma does not respond to this, only leaving when Jin tells him to do as such.

When we come around to Episode 1 Chapter 29, we find that Tohma is observing the trio on their investigation, but he’s not interacting with them. It does appear that he had been fighting off some anomalies, as there is one cut in half behind him. Shortly after, we see Tohma taking some pills and mentions that “this is getting exhausting.”

Tohma, ever observant, has been watching the trio as they continue their investigation, clearly working in the background of it all. We do learn later that his own mission overlapped into the trio’s mission. But what’s more interesting here is the fact that Tohma is taking pills. And seemingly after having gone into combat.

We do not know what these pills are for but there are a few possibilities I think it could be. I will discuss this in the What May Come to Pass section later on.

Episode 1 Chapter 30, Tohma returns to Frostheim just in time to hear some personal information being leaked through the Masterpiece News. Tohma seems annoyed by this, stating, “Honestly… I haven’t been back five minutes. No one has any intentions of allowing me a moments respite.”

The biggest takeaway here is that Tohma had recently returned from outside of Darkwick. For him to return back to a mess on his hands. Rumors being spread of Jin.

Episode 1 Chapter 31, Tohma walks in on Kaito and Lucas bickering over the mission and teases them by asking if they’re playing hooky. Lucas is quick to state that they had failed the mission, the group failing to capture the anomaly and it escaping as a result. Tohma asks what class the anomaly was, to which Lucas replies it was likely a Class B anomaly. Tohma explains he will check the site to ensure it’s safe for the time being and for the group to return to their rooms. Lucas then asks if he can have a chance to fix his mistakes. Tohma agrees to this, stating he will handle the paperwork and for the group to return in the morning.

It seems that Tohma is willing to give Lucas a chance to rectify his mistake. With the anomaly being revealed to be a Class B- much higher than what he anticipated it to be- and how Lucas and the others had handled things thus far, it seems he’s willing to let him proceed himself further. Testing to see how Lucas is capable. And likely also testing the MC on her own capabilities.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, we’re greeted with some Frostheim students gossiping about Jin. Tohma is attempting to call someone but is unable to get ahold of them. He exclaims that she must have taken him for a fool. Then, Jin barges out with his sword drawn, swinging it and braking a vase in the process. He tells Tohma to come out and asks if he’s the one to have leaked the information to the Masterpiece News. Tohma is quick to suggest that it may have been ‘the dear friend who left his side’. Then reminds Jin that he will always remain by his side.

Here, we can see some complexities within Jin and Tohma’s relationship. It’s clear that Jin suspects Tohma of leaking private and personal information but when Tohma states that it likely was his ‘dear friend’ who betrayed him before and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think he would betray him again. He urges Jin to remember that he is an ally and not his enemy. An attempt to keep Jin in line and to quit with his brash actions and accusations. Level headed, as always. And quick to turn anything to his advantage if he can.

When the confrontation ends, Tohma remarks that Jin’s swordsmanship was a show for the students and thanks their guests for their applause before leaving with Jin. They go to his room, Jin dragging him presumably by his tie. Jin is quick to ask Tohma what he’s doing but Tohma deflects by saying he should be asking that, instead. And asks Jin to let go of his tie. Tohma reminds Jin that he (Jin) is seeking revenge for his mother and that he won’t allow Jin to forget the promise he made to Tohma.

This is where it seems that there’s a mutual benefit of their alliance. They both seem to be working together on some goal. What that goal is remains unknown but it’s clear that Jin is seeking revenge for his mother and Tohma is using this to his benefit to have Jin aide him. It’s likely that the revenge may also coincide with whatever goals Tohma has in mind. Regardless, they are using one another and benefiting off of one another. But it seems that Tohma is frustrated that Jin is not keeping his end of the bargain due to remaining in his room. Hiding away from his responsibilities. Something we have seen Tohma growing more frustrated with in the chapters leading up to this.

With that out of the way, Tohma tells Jin that his prediction was correct and a Class B anomaly had appeared at the orphanage. Explaining that he had handled the anomaly there, Tohma states that the case still was not over. He continues by saying that he sent the second years to investigate the mansion in the morning. Tohma says that there’s something in that house and then asks Jin what his orders are and explains that even if Jin’s stigma does not work, they will still need their help.

It’s now confirmed that the mission Tohma has been on is overlapping with the mission that the trio are working on. Once again, urging Jin to take part. That they will need Jin’s help even without his stigma.

Episode 1 Chapter 40, Tohma arrives at the mansion where Lucas, Kaito, and MC are at. When he approaches them, he states that he just happened to have an errand in the area and him being there was a coincidence. He then asks the group what their plan was and Lucas says they’re trying to find a way inside. Tohma explains he can make one for them and pulls out an artifact key. Said artifact is a skeleton key and has the capabilities of opening anything so long as it has a keyhole. He goes on to say that he has earned Darkwick’s trust and this allows him access to more valuable and rare artifacts “unlike other ghouls”.

Having earned Darkwick’s trust has now given Tohma access to rare artifacts to take on missions. Something that he clearly thinks is a privilege by his statement of other ghouls. To whomever he’s referring to, we don’t necessarily know. But we see that this statement, alone, has Tohma appear as if he feels he is ‘above’ certain ghouls. We don’t typically see Tohma make statements like this, so it’s interesting that he made a statement in front of two other ghouls and MC.

Lucas asks what business Tohma has at the estate they’re investigating. He explains that there was a case where some children had their hearts removed and Darkwick suspected anomalous activity and assigned the case to Frostheim. It was suspected for anomalous activity due to the bodies of children were discovered months after their deaths and that one of the children showed up in footage a day before their discovery, completely healthy. That this pointed to anomaly activity and how Jin entrusted Tohma to complete this investigation.

We get the details of the full overlap of investigations here and an explanation as to why Tohma is there, to begin with. It seems that both Darkwick and Jin trust Tohma enough to allow him large responsibilities.

As they continue on, Tohma notes that it’s odd they’ve yet to cross paths with anyone in the estate. Tohma tells the three of them to keep watch near Mr. Long-Leg’s room and to call him if they see anything suspicious and not do anything. Heexplains they should refrain from doing anything reckless and if they disobey he will leak Kaito’s personal information all over the Masterpiece Newscasters. He and MC then read over Kaito’s WickChat and he, again, reminds them to follow his orders before departing to the chapel.

Tohma takes command of the investigation here and even goes as far as to using blackmail as a way to keep them complaint. It had been stated before that this was never anything beneath Tohma. We’ve seen him repeatedly use others to his benefit but this is quite a brazen display of his willingness to use others to his benefit.

Episode 1 Chapter 41, investigating the chapel, Tohma says it’s clear of activity but that Class B anomalies have varying intellect and it’s possible they could be using Mr. Long-Leg’s room for the activity despite that being sloppy of them. He goes to regroup with the trio only to find that they are no longer there and wears a very angry expression.

This is the first time we’ve seen Tohma’s expression visibly angry. After the trio disobey his command. It seems he had lost his cool, though it’s good for him no one was around to see his very volatile expression.

Going to Mr. Long-Leg’s room, Tohma opens the door and notices an odd smell coming from the closet. Approaching said closet, he opens it and calls Kaito to ask where he is. Learning that the trip followed Mr. Long-Legs enter the basement and Tohma says they should stay put. Explaining shortly that he opened Mr. Long-Leg’s closet and found his body inside and that what they’re following is not Mr. Long-Legs.

Episode 1 Chapter 44, Jin arrives at the estate and makes his way to the basement with Tohma where they see Lucas fighting off the anomalies.

Episode 1 Chapter 45, Tohma seems impressed and surprised that Lucas had fought off so many of the anomalies stating, “To think he took down this many anomalies…” Lucas soon introduces himself to Jin and Tohma tells Jin to at least give him his name. Jin asks if the girl tied up is MC and Tohma says it is.

It seems Tohma is impressed with Lucas’s ability to fight so many of the Class B anomalies off on his own. He had taken down quite a few and seemed he was still able to fight more of them off if need be.

Tohma soon tells Kaito to lead the children and he will carry those who cannot walk. Jin tells Tohma to clear a path, to which Tohma states he is carrying a child and Jin orders him to not get a scratch on the child in the process. Amused by this, Tohma replies with, “No less unreasonable than the day we met, I see.” While smiling as he charges up the stairs.

We see here how Tohma and Jin work together and it even seems that Tohma is glad that Jin is giving him orders. It seems he feels as if Jin is finally taking some of his responsibility and leadership back- something he had been trying to get Jin to do for some time.

Jin tells Tohma that they’re moving too slow and to go up ahead. Tohma states one of his arms is occupied so he’s less than efficient. The child he’s carrying apologizes for not being able to walk. And Tohma asks why he is apologizing and that he’s a child and will protect him whether he could walk or not. The group then heads to the rooftop.

We see some form of compassion here from Tohma towards the child he was carrying. Even though he is less than efficient because he’s carrying the child, he does not blame it on the fact that the child cannot walk. He says he would protect him whether that was or was not the case. The blame never once being shifted onto the child he’s protecting.

Episode 1 Chapter 46, Jin and Tohma seem to share a silent moment before Jin states, “I know” before Jin uses his stigma. Tohma uses this opportunity to use his artifact to cut down a bulk of the anomalies. Shortly after, Jin commands Tohma to destroy the building and Tohma activates his stigma and swings his artifact down, causing the building to being to rumble. Jin then explains that Tohma’s stigma allows him to send vibrations long distance and with his brute strength combined, he’s able to destroy the estate with ease.

A showcase of Tohma’s brute strength combined with his stigma is displayed here. He was able to destroy an entire building with the combination. A terrifying feat, in of itself.

With everyone now on the helicopter, in Episode 1 Chapter 47, Tohma asks everyone if they’re okay. Per Jin’s request, he also goes to take the kids they’ve rescued somewhere safe. Once the helicopter lands, Tohma uses a match on the children and explains he works for an orphanage that they’ll be going to. That it will be their new home.

After they arrive back at Frostheim, Tohma exchanges a few words with Chancellor Cornelius about the situation with the Masterpiece Newscasters and the new announcement made about Yumiko being the one to leak this information. This remarks that Yumiko being expelled was a light punishment and Cornelius confesses that Jin was the one who requested the lenient punishment above Chancellor Cornelius. This causes Tohma to laugh and states that it’s quite befitting of his title as the president’s son.

Again, Yumiko was brought up and it was revealed that she was the one to leak the information to the Masterpiece News. I do have thoughts on the Yumiko situation that I’ll go into on the What May Come to Pass section of this post. Furthermore, it seems that Jin was the one to ‘reprimand’ Yumiko and not Cornelius. Tohma being quite amused by this prospect. Perhaps because Jin had gone over Cornelius’s head to hand out this ‘lenient’ punishment of expulsion.

Episode 1 Chapter 48, Tohma greets MC at the Frostheim ball being held and explains that he cannot attend to MC due to having some important matters to attend to. He lets her know that the second years are around and she should look for them. MC notes that Tohma, in his house uniform, exudes a slightly different air than usual and he leaves shortly after.

Again, Tohma has ‘important matters to attend to’, something he seems to say often to excuse himself. Another thing to note is how MC states that Tohma ‘exudes a slightly different air than usual’ while in his house uniform. It doesn’t explain what that different air is but it’s still interesting that he seems to hold himself differently depending on what he’s wearing.

Episode 1 Chapter 49, MC and Jin share a dance and when it ends, Tohma tells her that she dances well. Shortly after, Tohma and Lucas have a conversation about how the matches do not affect ghouls. He explains that he felt it was important to bring up due to Lucas wanting to speak with MC as a way to avoid having the matches used on him. Then Tohma notes that he finds it admirable that Lucas was prepared to enter negotiations.

Tohma seems to be able to read others well enough to know that Lucas was going to use MC as a way to prevent the matches from being used on him. However, Tohma is quick to explain that the Mesmer matches do not work on ghouls but thinks Lucas is admirable for being prepared for such a scenario. Still, Tohma has the upper hand as he knew that matches would not work and Lucas did not know this. But he recognizes someone who is clever enough to fish for solutions.

Episode 1 Chapter 50, Lucas then asks Tohma if he knew about the anomalies within the estate and if Lucas was sent there to be tested. Tohma tells Lucas that if he has complaints over the missions provided to take them to the staff, as they are the ones to provide the missions and not Tohma, himself. Noting that he won’t be able to leave without giving explanation due to Lucas’s stubborn behavior, Tohma launches into telling what really happened. He explains that an anomaly had been impersonating Mr. Long-Legs for about six months. He also notes that children were being eaten by anomalies in an orphanage and the anomalies were caught due to their greed of overconsumption. He then explains how Jin was doing his own private investigation with his family connections and he had a thorough plan for their escape. He credits Jin for making the connection between his case in the orphanage and the estate and goes on to say that Jin is actually a kind person.

First, we see Tohma deflect blame to the staff. They are the ones to compile the list of missions and providing their rankings. There could be a few reasons for Tohma to do this. 1) He is trying to get Lucas to realize that the staff are incompetent and untrustworthy for not thoroughly vetting the mission rankings. Or 2) Tohma does not want to be blamed and is shifting it. Personally, I think it’s the latter. He also gives credit to Jin for essentially connecting and planning everything out for their success. Then goes on to say Jin is a kind person. An odd comment coming from Tohma as he is not typically one to uplift and compliment others, from what we’ve seen. He’s either saying this because he gains something from doing this (perhaps gaining Lucas’s trust here), or because he truly means it. He finds Jin to be a kind person and thinks it’s important for Lucas to know this.

After their conversation, Tohma goes to the balcony to meet up with Jin and the two have a conversation. He asks if he can have a cigarette and is given one, Jin lighting it with his own. Jin then tells Tohma to drop the act and how he finds it shameless. Tohma admitting that he’s “grown used to it”. He then calls out Jin for being equally shameless for pulling strings to lessen Yumiko’s punishment from leaking information to the Masterpiece News. Jin excuses himself and departs.

In this brief conversation, we learn that Jin is aware of Tohma putting on an act. That he finds it shameless. Tohma seems to think Jin is equally shameless for being too kind or that he exerted his power over the Chancellor. One of the two. But it’s clear that they’re both aware of the ‘game’ the other is playing and find it shameless or, rather, annoying.

Episode 2 Chapter 20, Tohma arrives at Vagastrom and enters a car with Alan. Leo is listening into the conversation and hears only a part of it. To which Tohma explains that, ‘he’ll take care of it’. Alan apologizes and Tohma then says that they’re “closing in on the spy”. He expresses that Alan needs to keep his head low and not bring anymore attention to himself than he already has. Then he explains that he’s messing with him since Frostheim is not off the hook after “what one of ours did”. Alan says that they have a live one on their hands and Tohka remarks that he was more surprised that he got Jin to make a move.

The two, here, are discussing a couple of different topics. One about a spy. This one, we don’t have much information on. But it’s clear that Tohma (and Alan) are both trying to find a spy. He wants Alan to keep his head low and then says he’s teasing him since his own house had interfered. The topic shifts to Lucas and how he’s a bit on the wild side. But he seems impressed that Lucas got Jin to ‘make a move’. Something that Tohma had been trying to do for some time. Lucas, it seems, will be useful for Tohma.

Tohma asks Alan how his own new guys are holding up and Alan says he doesn’t understand them. Tohma jokingly calls him gramps and explains that one of them will likely become his Vice-Captain so he better train them well. Tohma notes that whoever works the best with MC will likely be given the role and how Alan has done well so far with handling everything on his own. He expresses that he hopes that the burden on Alan’s shoulders will be lightened.

Again, the two continue their casual but informative conversation with one another. It almost feels as if this is the most natural acting we see Tohma. He’s able to tease and even make little jokes. Even still, he treats it as business as well. Telling Alan that he needs to train his newbies well and that whoever will be made his Vice-Captain will be whoever works best with MC. And, furthermore, Tohma seems to find Alan hardworking. Expressing how he’s handled everything on his own. It feels almost genuine that he thinks highly of Alan.

Episode 2 Chapter 26, we learn Tohma was in Vagastrom until the middle of last year before transferring to Frostheim.

A small crumb of lore about Tohma and how he was formerly in Vagastrom before transferring last year. This shows that he was only recently put in Frostheim and how he is a Vice-Captain there.

Episode 2 Chapter 27, Alan gets a call and goes to meet up with Tohma in the car. He asks what he wanted and Tohma explains that Alan was the one to call him here, not the other way around. Leo soon cuts in and reveals himself to the two, stating that he’s the one who lured them both there. Alan and Tohma both reach for their artifacts and Tohma asks Alan to explain how Leo found out about their meetings.

Being secretive as always, Tohma seems to prepare to jump to fighting at the sudden eavesdropping. He is a bit disgruntled, it seems, by someone else having the upper hand on him. Having been tricked into meeting in the car with Alan only for them both to be duped.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Leo is quick to explain how he asked Alan if he could ‘join in on their fun’ and was told no. Tohma then remarks about how it had to be Leo who sent the message to meet, due to the lack of typos from Alan. Leo confirms this by saying they meet all the time but that Tohma is not in Alan’s contact list and his WickChat is under a different name. Tohma seems only mildly frustrated at how he’s explained to Alan multiple times to set a passcode for his phone.

It almost feels as if Tohma was underestimating Leo by feeling as if he only figured this out due to Alan’s lack of diligence. Putting the blame on the lack of password on his phone. But tension does seem to ease up slightly, since he seems to not take Leo as a serious threat here, when only moments ago him and Alan were both ready to attack if need be.

Leo questions why someone from Frostheim is meeting here- noting how Frostheim and Vagastrom are meant to be enemies and questions why Jin is not the one to have these little meetings. Tohma explains that one of his duties is to maintain relationships between houses has been entrusted to him by Jin and how he only reports to Jin if there’s a major issue. Then states the only reason Jin was there earlier was because he was looking after their new transfer student, as he’s taken him under his wing. Then Tohma notes that he has quite an unruly new first year.

Tohma cooly explains why he’s there rather than Jin and doesn’t seem to give more information than necessary. Again, it seems he’s underestimating Leo here.

Alan cuts in and explains how Leo is good with tech, that he didn’t teach him that, and earnestly responds to Tohma’s question of if he taught him that. Leo explains how it was sarcasm on Tohma’s part and asks if he’s sure that Tohma isn’t taking advantage of him. Leo then asks how much he extorted the “chick with the dad from Saionji Trading” and Tohma plays dumb, saying he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Alan tells Leo to go back to his room and Leo snaps that he’s only trying to look out for him. Alan explains that Tohma has his own reasons for doing what he’s doing and to not meddle in his business.

Immediately, Leo does not trust Tohma. He seems to think Tohma has ulterior motives. Then goes on to bring up the fact that Tohma had extorted someone despite Tohma playing dumb at this. Despite this, Alan does not seem interested and says Tohma has his reasons for doing what he’s doing. So we see that here, Alan trusts Tohma and his intentions. And we also see that Leo does not trust him in the slightest and Tohma seems to underestimate him, in turn. Even as he’s called out for extortion, he simply plays dumb.

Episode 7 Chapter 19, MC runs into Zenji and Haku on campus and begins to converse with them. Tohma appears shortly into it saying, “My, my. What an interesting pair.” before commenting on the artifact that’s following Haku around (the doll) and how he’s heard Haku has personally taken up the investigation for it. Haku explains how it’s “in our wheelhouse” to investigate traditional artifacts. Tohma is quick to point out the use of “our” and MC internally notes that things feel tense.

Tohma displays here that he’s quick to pick up on unusual language usage (Haku saying ‘our’ when he’s currently alone from Tohma’s perspective) and the strange doll artifact following him. I think it’s clear that he thinks something is off and that Haku is hiding something.

Tohma then explains how he actually has business with MC and confirms that she’s currently working with Mortkranken. He then launches into an explanation that someone from Frostheim had passed away. Tohma says that it is in Frostheim’s best interest that the case MC and Mortkranken are working on be solved quickly but that Mortkranken had declined to do an autopsy on the body of the dead student. Haku asks why they refused and Tohma tells him to not act dumb and that they both know who made that call. Then Tohma says that Frostheim is willing to respect Yuri’s wishes but that they will not allow for someone to threaten their students and run off with personal information. MC notably is confused by this revelation.

Again, Tohma feels as if he has the upper hand here. He tells Haku to not play dumb- they both know it was Yuri who declined to do an autopsy. Then he also reveals information that someone (whom he suspects to be Jiro) had run off with personal information from Frostheim.

Episode 7 Chapter 20, Tohma notices MC’s confusion. He asks her if she was not aware of what had happened that night. Tohma replies with, “I had assumed an esteemed inspector such as yourself would be aware of the actions of your assigned house. Perhaps I had the wrong impression of you.” He then tells MC to relay a message to Yuri. That Frostheim will be giving their full support to Darkwick General Medical Center rather than Mortkranken.

Tohma is quick to call out MC’s incompetence, here. How he may have overestimated her abilities as an inspector. Then uses MC as a way to relay a message to Yuri on a subject he knows will anger the Mortkranken Captain. Again, showcasing his ability to use underhanded tactics to try and strong arm what he wants. And, either way, he wins. Either Yuri complies and does the autopsy or Yuri declines and he gets under his skin.

Rui soon appears behind Tohma, jokingly saying he’s surprised everyone here is being buddy-buddy and how it’s hilarious. Then he comments on how he finds it odd that Tohma was chatting with others since it was a rare sight and Tohma replies back, saying it’s even more odd that Rui is out and about considering his movements are restricted. Rui reminds Tohma that even though he’s been hiding, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t keep his eyes on everyone. Tohma then reveals that Rui’s artifact allows him to conceal himself in darkness and thanks Rui for the heads up. To which Rui replies with a simple, “no problem”.

Another tense conversation takes place. But this time it seems that Tohma does not feel he has the upper hand. Rui catches him by surprise and calls out his unusual ‘chatty’ behavior and Tohma tries to give his own witty remark about how Rui’s movements are restricted. Rui doesn’t seem put off or bothered by this comment and teases that he may be hiding but he still knows things. This whole exchange feels as if it holds multiple layers of meaning here. That it’s an attempt for them both to try and get under each others skin, only Rui seems to be unbothered where as Tohma feels more on the defensive here.

Rui changes the topic, speaking to MC to let her know he has a box for her to give to ‘Big J’ (Jiro) since he was at Obscuary last night looking for some herbs. Tohma seems confused by this, as he had believed Jiro to be at Frostheim that night and not Obscuary. Rui then goes on to state that Darkwick General knows nothing about curses and for Mortkranken to keep up the good work. Tohma only raises his brow at this comment and Haku mumbles out a “yikes”. Tohma then excuses himself and apologizes for interrupting the conversation before Haku tells him it was nothing important. He tells him good luck with chaperoning Jin and Tohma says it’s an honor to serve him and then departs.

This exchange is pretty charged. In one quick motion, Rui is able to knock Tohma off of his game. Both by saying that Jiro was at Obscuary the night before and that Darkwick General lowkey kind of sucks. Haku commenting “yikes” proves that the comment was rather scathing and Tohma is speechless. Instead of digging further, he retreats. The entire exchange almost shows that Tohma feels as if he cannot gain the upper hand with Rui. So much so that he’d rather leave than make the situation worse.

As it stands, these are the scenes that Tohma appears in and they start to really show us how Tohma is as a person. Through the various interactions he has with others and the actions he takes. The story makes it clear that he’s one to use everything to his advantage and likely the most genuine relationship he has is with Alan. Followed likely by Jin. Though- their relationship is complex and likely filled with multiple layers.

We also see that Tohma has prickly conversations with multiple ghouls such as Leo, Haku, Rui, and even Yuri to an extent (though through MC and not directly since it seems Yuri is avoiding them).

We also see that Tohma had some underhanded dealings with a student named Yumiko and it carries on throughout the Frostheim chapter and is even brought up again in the Vagastrom chapter. Extorting her for his gains.

Tohma has been displayed as someone who’s very clearly putting on an act- as called out by Jin- and uses others for his own benefit. Yet, he’s also someone who does value those who cannot defend themselves when he tells the kid that he’d protect him whether he could walk or not and to not beat himself over it.

He is a complex character with complex motivations.

What May Come to Pass

I want to quickly note that in this section, these are all my theories and predictions for the character path that Tohma may take in future chapters. There is a high chance some of these may be used as red herrings or simply not happen at all. But the fun in all this is to speculate, no? So please take this section with a grain of salt but enjoy it, all the same, as we explore these potential possibilities.

The Again Cat

As we discussed in the R Warding card, Jour Nekomata, one of the spellings for Nekomata breaks down into ‘again cat’. A reference to their multiple lives. Tokyo Debunker has clear themes on repetition and cycles. This theme carries on in Tohma with clear references to multiple lives. The theme also comes up with Tohma’s name, as well. Bridges being a representation from one transition to another; the ending of a cycle and the rebirth of another. With cats having multiple lives and bridges being a metaphor for going from one life to another- I can’t help but to feel that this connection is just a little deeper. While I don’t feel that Tohma is aware of these repeating cycles, I do feel like it’s too large of a theme to really ignore, at this point.

Betrayed By the Game

Now, I want to really focus on the multiple hints the game seems to remind us of Tohma’s deceptive nature. I feel it would not be out of Tohma’s nature to betray Jin. In fact, I feel as if it’s possible he’s already begun.

I want to start by discussing Yumiko and how that whole ordeal was handled in the story. So let’s go over that part step by step;

Episode 1 Chapter 12, we see Yumiko in the Frostheim Vaults running away from the anomalous chess pieces.

Episode 1 Chapter 13, Tohma denies knowing what person was inside the vault, at this time.

Episode 1 Chapter 30, Tohma returns to Frostheim with information on Jin being leaked.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Tohma is attempting to call Yumiko but she isn’t picking up the call.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Jin confronts Tohma, thinking he was the one to betray him.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Tohma states he is always on Jin’s side.

Episode 1 Chapter 47, Yumiko was exposed as the one to leak information and was expelled.

Episode 1 Chapter 47, Cornelius reveals it was Jin who had Yumiko expelled.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Leo exposes Tohma for extorting Yumiko.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Tohma pretends to not understand what Leo is talking about.

I have a hard time believing that an ordinary student had the ability to sneak into the vault without Tohma’s knowledge. Additionally, I’m curious as to where Yumiko was able to get such sensitive information about Jin from.

Would it be so hard to believe that Tohma had ‘planted’ the information for Yumiko to gain? I don’t think so. He’s been painted to us as clever and willing to use any means necessary to get what he wants.

Additionally, we hear about the sensitive information being leaked when Tohma was conveniently out handling mission affairs. He then attempts to call Yumiko but she doesn’t answer.

Why was he calling her, specifically, unless he knew she had the information? And, again, why would she have this information? Who would she get it from?

We only see her tied to Tohma, in the story.

Jin also suspects Tohma so much as to blatantly leave his room- a goal Tohma has been aiming for some time, now- to confront him. Tohma is quick to push blame onto his ‘dear friend that left his side’ when he was, moments ago, trying to contact Yumiko. He reassures Jin that he’s on his side.

Then we hear about Yumiko being expelled for leaking the sensitive information. We also learn that Jin was the one to have this happen and Tohma considers it a ‘light’ punishment.

Finally, we later find out from Leo that Tohma had blackmailed Yumiko. And then Tohma, once again, pretended to not know who Leo was talking about. He had used the same tactic when told that Yumiko was fleeing the vault.

Playing dumb is a tactic that Tohma uses.

Extortion is a tactic that Tohma uses.

Is it truly unbelievable that betrayal also would not be a tactic that Tohma uses?

I think what happened in this scenario was that Tohma had given Yumiko information on Jin about his mother. Then has Yumiko leak the information when he’s conveniently not there. Followed by trying to contact her- likely to blackmail her to not reveal where she got the information from- and then she falls for the information he wanted leaked all along.

The thing that throw this off is why did she run from the chess anomalies if he invited her?

Perhaps he didn’t. Perhaps he simply hinted at information being in the vault and turned a blind eye to her ‘sneaking in’. What he didn’t account for was MC to ask about her. But he was able to play dumb.

Either way, I don’t have all the answers there. But I just find the whole thing very much tied up to Tohma. And his motives are more clear to me than a random NPC girl we only see a brief glimpse of.

Tohma had been trying to lure Jin to take action, after all.

Either way, Tohma betraying Jin is not something that I find far-fetched. Once he gets what he wants from Jin, will he find him of any more use? Only time can really tell.

Transition of Power

Speaking of betrayal- I find it very convenient that Tohma had also switched halfway through a year from one house to Frostheim and took over the Vice-Captain role. He also mentions to Jin about his ‘dear friend who left his side’. Whether that friend is Yuri or Haku- or even a third mystery party- feels irrelevant to me at this time.

With how often we’re shown that Tohma will do whatever necessary to reach his goals- would it be hard to believe that he set up Jin’s ‘dear friend’ to betray him (or leave his side)? To take over and ‘transform’ into that friendship role in their place?

We’ve seen him (presumably) set up Yumiko. Setting up others seems to be something he is familiar enough with.

And with the transition themes that pop up on Tohma, I find him transitioning from one role to another to be pretty commonplace. How he transitions is truly the key here. And betrayal does not seem far off the notch for me.

Cure for the Curse

Episode 1 Chapter 29, we see Tohma consume some mysterious pills. We don’t know what these pills are for or why Tohma is taking them. We can see clearly that Tohma had been fighting anomalies shortly before taking the pills. So I have a couple of thoughts on what they’re for;

Tohma has been cursed and is managing it through pills.

Multiple uses of the stigma breaks down the users body.

For the first one, Tohma being cursed and managing it through pills is not too out of the question. Especially when you consider what Rui says to him in Episode 7 Chapter 20 and the reactions both Haku and Tohma give.

That scene always sort of gave me the feeling that it was deeper than just a simple interaction. And when I thought about it, it started to make sense to me.

Tohma tells MC to relay to Yuri that Frostheim will be funding ONLY Darkwick General Medical Center going forward, due to their lack of cooperation. Then Rui blatantly states that Darkwick General knows nothing about curses.

Haku, who knows quite a bit about curses, responds with “Yikes…” and Tohma is silent before leaving.

Rui would likely be intimately familiar with how Darkwick General handles curses, considering he is cursed, himself. And there is some heavy tension between Rui and Tohma. Rui stating it��s weird for Tohma to be out and about (even in a campus hangout). Then Tohma trying to deflect by saying it’s weirder for Rui to be out (always implying his curse is the reason).

Could Rui be hinting that Tohma is also cursed?

Could the pills not be effectively working for Tohma and he knows this? Or could he be getting them supplied from Mortkranken secretly?

Either way… we know the comment that Rui said about Darkwick General knowing nothing about curses was enough to make Tohma back off and leave.

For the second one, there’s a little less to go off of. But we’ve seen Leo complain about his ears throughout the story and how they’re sensitive. Is it possible the more he uses his stigma, the worse the condition becomes?

And is Tohma perhaps using his stigma so much to the point of needing pills?

It’s possible.

But… I do think Tohma being related to curses, to some degree, and possibly even being cursed feels more likely. Especially with his tension with Haku and Rui. Both who are also quite knowledgeable on curses.

There are more things I could say here but I’ll leave it with these few things. But what I can say is that Tohma is definitely a secretive character that I expect us to learn more about in the coming chapters.

Overview

As I researched Tohma, I felt there were a few reoccurring themes throughout his character.

Notable ones being; his ability to ‘blend in’ to any crowd and come across as unassuming, the deception he uses on others to further his goals, and transition or change.

I don’t think that Tohma is a villain. He is a complex character with unknown motives to us, the reader. But whatever his goals are, it’s clear he’ll do whatever he can to reach them. The game made this clear from the beginning.

Expecting deception and betrayal from Tohma should be expected.

But when we peel the layers back, what will we find behind the facade? Who is the real Tohma Ishibashi? Or has he lost his true self from the multiple attempts to blend in for his endless pursuit to complete his tasks?

Tohma mentions having grown comfortable with his game of pretend, to Jin. And he fits the role well enough. Always the ever-loyal Vice-Captain, as he often reminds Jin. Trust him.

The duality of deception is that when you try hard to trick others, how far will you go before you ultimately trick yourself?

Final Author Notes

If you’ve made it this far, then thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long post. It feels a bit all over the place for me. But I still had fun working on it, all the same.

Again, if you don’t agree with anything I’ve said- that’s fine! Just be respectful, is all I ask.

I will say, Tohma is not my favorite character by any means necessary. But he is interesting and complex in a way that I do find fascinating. I expect to see an interesting story from him, whether it’s something I predict or not.

Anyways. Once again, thanks!

Credits & Sources

[1] https://tokyodebunker.com/characters/ishibashi-tohma/

[2] https://www.reddit.com/r/TokyoDebunker/s/4M8H3o4Al0

[3] http://www.aseekersthoughts.com/2010/04/tower-as-symbol.html?m=1

[4] https://spiritualmojo.com/tower-spiritual-meaning/

[5] https://www.dreamdictionary.org/dream-dictionary/dreaming-of-bridges/

[6] https://daily-ink.davidtruss.com/bridging-metaphors/#:~:text=Or%20we%20find%20bridges%20as,get%20us%20over%20a%20challenge.

[7] https://www.reneeharmon.com/2023/02/15/stepping-stones/#:~:text=The%20metaphor%20of%20stepping%20stones,doesn't%20seem%20as%20daunting.

[8] https://www.scienceofpeople.com/signature-analysis/

[9] https://www.wikihow.com/Analyze-Handwriting-(Graphology)

[10] https://www.zodiacsign.com/zodiac-calendar/may/31/

[11] https://colors.dopely.top/inside-colors/beige-color-color-of-energy-and-strength/?amp=1

[12] https://www.figma.com/colors/beige/

[13] https://www.optometristsclinic.com/b/how-the-monacle-became-symbol-wealth-edmonton

[14] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/contrived

[15] https://www.talknerdytome.com/blog/what-does-touching-your-face-mean-in-body-language

[16] https://dreammeaningai.com/en/symbol/zipper

[17] https://www.historyextra.com/period/ancient-egypt/why-do-we-say-crocodile-tears/

[18] https://www.symbols.com/symbol/crocodile

[19] https://thejapanbox.com/blogs/japanese-mythology/nekomata

[20] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nekomata

#tokyo debunker #tdb #tkdb #tohma ishibashi #frostheim #Tokyo debunker character study #character study #vexoverthinksthischaracter

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acourtofthought · 23 hours ago

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Maybe if E*riel can stop spreading lies that Lucien (and Tamlin) are the reason Elain was kidnapped, they might start believing the truth instead. It’s been years n they’re still blaming Lucien for the sisters’ kidnapping in ACOMAF, using it as justification for why Elain shouldn’t be with “cruel and useless” Lucien who not only caused the sisters to change but also didn’t help Feyre.

Agreed. I think their comprehension of the books would be better if they'd stop changing what actually happened. In ACOMAF, the text literally shows that Lucien was shocked by the sisters appearance in Hybern's castle. His words are "She sold out - she sold out Feyre's family. To you." Ianthe even admits that she's the one responsible but claimed it to be for Feyre's benefit, that she thought she was doing her a favor (lies of course). We literally have Lucien's absolute bewilderment playing out on page and a confession from both the King and Ianthe as to the part they (not Lucien) played. The king even says he tried to get the human queens to sell out the sisters first and when they wouldn't he turned to Ianthe (not Lucien). Just because the sisters were initially resentful over what happened it doesn't mean it was Lucien's fault. It's kind of the thing they do, right? They tend to look for someone to blame when angry? I mean, Nesta blamed Feyre for them being made as well, does that mean it was actually Feyre's fault? Does that mean Elain should have nothing to do with Feyre since Nesta believed Feyre was responsible for what happened to them and therefore she should have nothing to do with the "cruel and useless sister who allowed them to be kidnapped?" There are different ways of reading these books. One way is to not care what's actually written and to instead choose to be personally offended by things and refuse to move forward with the story as a result. That's kind of how I feel when people are still hung up on Nesta and Elain's inaction in the cabin during book 1. "I would never forgive my sisters if they did that therefore I hate Nesta and Elain even now!" Ok then, they can have fun with that because Sarah left that plotline all the way back in ACOTAR and we've moved on. The train has left the station and some have clearly missed it because Sarah does not seem to agree. Or they can pay attention to what's written and despite their own personal feelings, they can accept the story the author is telling. "I hate Lucien because he's the reason Elain was made!" is not at all what Sarah wrote. Sorry, but it's not and canon proves that. If Lucien was truly to blame he would have never been allowed in the Night Court. He would have failed Mor's test of truth. Nesta would have NEVER struck up conversation with him in SF or called Elain a wretch for taking the seat farthest from him. We've all met Nesta, right? Does she seem like the type that would offer pleasantries with the guy who caused what happened to them? I've come to the conclusion that they either skip over the parts of the book that have Lucien in it or they've seen them but it worries them too much so they pretend they haven't. Because they're sitting there tearing him down, acting like he's weak and unimportant, that he's ugly and a betrayer but boy are they ever going to be surprised when they get to his shared POV book and find out that he's an extremely hot future High Lord with power to spare, one who gets the girl and is welcomed by all as the mate of one Archeron and the brother in-law of the other two.

#lucien vanserra #pro elucien #elucien #elain archeron #pro lucien vanserra #anti e/riel

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fakeusernamelol · 2 days ago

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The yearbook page on tbob it's very intriguing to me because of how different Ford looks than how he did in atots now chubbier and with acne, but consider this: First, it says west coast tech in the college section. Ford didn't know about West Coast until the conversation with the principal and there the principal said that the admission team would come the next day so the gap between that and Stan's kick out is no more than a day, meaning that he must have written that before the incident after going out of the office or earlier that day.

Next is, as much of a nerd ford is, I doubt he took the photo with a graduation attire if it wasn't necessary to do 😅 so im guessing its from when he was close to graduation, which is why Stan didn't have one since he left school before graduating, they had to put any other photo they had of him to fill that space (perhaps one where he's doing a fist bump with Ford maybe?) And so the ford we see in the yearbook is one affected by all the stress that the loss of his dream school and his brother/best friend has done to him. I truly believe in ford with anxiety eating and his college photo with fidds confirms it to me 🙏🙏 I MEAN JUST LOOK HOW THIS BABY WENT TO THIS TO THIS IN PROBABLY NO MORE THAN A YEAR

I know I'm overanalyzing a joke and that the yearbook page has a lot of Inconsistencies but teen ford is my baby and i need to give problems to my baby sorry not sorry 🙇🙇 i also know this a copypaste from my twitter but why not post this here too, i need more people for my ed ford legion 😈😈🤭🤭

#antis dni #tw: ed mention #ford pines #stancest #i mean it's not necessarily stancest but you're my people so you get me 🤷‍♀️

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aliusfrater · 5 months ago

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sometimes i wonder if the dialogue sam has in some episodes serve as actual language regarding his character or if he exists within that conversation to provide a push and pull for the flow of information that either gets another character to admit something previously unsaid in their own dialogue or to provide concrete dialogue for a specific theme within that episode. and im talking about this in the context of the usage of sam as a different kind of plot device rather than wholly as a character

#because sometimes in the later seasons he just says the darnedest things #and i read the whole transcript so i can get a guage of the information without body language #and it still doesn't really Fit the present progression of his character #he'll even 'morally' flop around from one thing to the next between two consecutive conversations in an episode #and one conversation will be written differently from the other #idk maybe im just thinking about this the wrong way #sam winchester #se referat

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roobylavender · 8 months ago

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im really sorry if this question ends up being repetitive: but, if not for bruce’s over reliance on dick to regulate his thoughts and emotions, why would dick grow up into feeling like he needs to repress his emotions so much and his eagerness to act as people’s support? i know youve spoken about wolfman and his altering of their relationship but if ntt is generally an accurate portrayal of an adult dick, to me this nevertheless sounds like the consequences a parent-child relationship where the responsibilities are titled too much towards the child

i suppose this could also segue into asking for recs that would help me better understand your interpretation of their relationship 👀

not repetitive at all! to me the irony of wolfman's depiction of dick lies in that it is simultaneously something you can logically ascertain from prior canon but not for the reasons actually presented by wolfman. if that makes sense. he does extra work that isn't actually necessary to help explain why dick would act the way that he does because there's plenty of reasons for it without rewriting his history with bruce to have always been suppressed and edgy and dark. to me it makes far more sense to capitalize on the inevitable disconnect between bruce and dick as an adult and a child. batman: full circle is a good example of that dichotomy (and although it was published in the early 90s it built on mike w. barr's prior understanding of the relationship between dick and bruce that he wrote into the early 80s). bruce's primary concern for the people he works with is never standards or finesse but safety. he worries constantly about others coming to harm under his watch and with a child in particular those worries were exacerbated. he ran a tight ship not because he believed dick had anything to prove but because the only way dick could keep being robin was if he went about it safely. that was obv easy for an adult to understand. but not so much for a child

to bruce these worries were practical and par for the course (as well as an expression of his love and protectiveness) but for dick their consequences formed the crux of his entire world. as a child he idolized everything about bruce. his heroism. his work ethic. his skill. his resolve. his preparedness. if dick couldn't live up to the standard he set for himself in idolizing bruce then what could he ever hope to amount to? that was the thought constantly going through his head. and it's why the bulk of his childhood and primary tenure as bruce's partner was so precariously protected by the fact that nothing bad ever really happened during it (and admittedly this framing is convenient because even chronologically speaking nothing very significant happened in their history with each other until dick left for university in 1969) (i know dixon opted to write that whole shtick with dent in his version of events but personally i never found it necessary to do so). there is enough there in the idea of dick working hard for the course of a decade to embody who he believed bruce to be that lends itself to it eventually being difficult for him to healthily express himself once the rift between them actually began to emerge

because what about bruce was there to actually see that was broken and dark before dick became an adult? i know a lot of dick fans hate batman #408 because they don't like that it enforced "retirement" upon dick (which i personally believe is a conclusion they come to because of the way batman #416 re-framed the same scene) but to me that's an inaccurate reading of the text. batman #408 was about bruce (admittedly far too belatedly) recognizing that he could not in good conscience continue to ask dick to go out and be a vigilante on what he considered to be his own "orders". he viewed dick's close call with death at the hands of the joker as something directly of his own making. although their tenure with each other had been wonderful if dick wanted to continue to be a vigilante it had to be on his own terms and of his own volition. obv that was logical to bruce and it was something dick managed to accept in the moment. but it's still hard to go from always having a purpose alongside someone you idolized to finally being entrusted entirely to forge your own

in general i like the idea of dick the adult becoming privy to all of the personal problems and conflicts that come with being a vigilante. he was conveniently shielded from a lot of those problems as a child because all he had to do was be bruce's partner and hope to live up to the title. bruce had no reason to trauma dump on him or talk about his worries and concerns at length with him because it was never supposed to be dick's job to field those worries and concerns in the first place. he was a child. the only thing bruce wanted to do was to help channel his emotions through an outlet and provide him with a home to grow up in. but when you become an adult often that dynamic shifts. you're still not responsible for fielding those worries and concerns but you can perhaps be trusted with them. that's why i like the framing in batman #408 of dick now being a man. it's a subtle way to frame the double-edged sword of adulthood. the world is in your hands now but so will be the horrors that come with it. coming to terms with the real world that bruce lives in should be hard for dick. coming to terms with who bruce is when he's not perfect should be hard. coming to terms with how quietly bruce kept his grief because he did not see fit to overwhelm a child with it should be hard. that dichotomy of dick both wanting to be bruce's brother and his son should form the crux of their conflict with each other because you can't hope to be someone's equal and someone's protected at the same time in that kind of relationship. for dick to transition into the position of equal he has to expose himself to the fact that bruce is not in fact an idol but someone irrevocably human. and that should interfere significantly with his head and his own standards for himself

#all of this to say. i don't think it's so much about pre-ntt canon directly predicating ntt-dick's characterization #like it's not these events happened in the 60s and 70s so that's why he acts this way in the 80s #it's more the opposite. because these things Didn't happen in the 60s and 70s. that's why being on his own in the 80s is hard #dick wants so badly to be bruce's equal and an adult and a leader and someone trusted by others #but those are all things easier said than done. and the worst tragedy of it is that the bruce dick knows from childhood #is not the bruce he knows in adulthood. they are from the same person. but they are still different #because there are things dick is allowed to see as an adult that bruce spared him from when he was a child #and on one hand that was the right thing to do. but on the other hand it's devastating. because dick obv doesn't know how to cope #how do you cope with the fact that your decade-long idol is not in fact what you made him up to be #(and the thing is it's not that bruce isn't what dick made him up to be) (it's that he's also other things)#(he's sad. he's guilty. he's exhausted. sometimes he doesn't know how to go on)#reconciling with those realities should be unbearable for dick. because being robin has given him so much purpose #and while being batman gives bruce purpose too there are also so many times where he absolutely bends under the weight of it #and that sight should be frightening to dick #that's why i really like knightfall. or the potential of it because i mean prodigal did not deal with the aftermath of it #in a way that i liked at all. it was quite underwhelming #and then you guys obv know my issues with the framing of dick's reaction to jason's death and his conversation with bruce there #but the idea of dick needing to cope with bruce being a human capable of breaking under his own imposed duties is impt #and so my reading of their relationship is less about things written explicitly in text and more about drawing logical inferences #idk. i feel like i am all over the place i'm not sure if this sufficiently answers your question i'm sorryjgfkldghf #outbox

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kuromi-hoemie · 2 months ago

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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™

but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.

#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little #thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week #i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every step‚ stumble‚#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19 #(that had a small local following 🫶🏾) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional #and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but #exists outside of our realm‚ and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that #the entry's MC sees it in‚ it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person #has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately #but the different starts to creep its way in‚ as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were 😨#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me #and made me stop 🫡 but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead #give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alas‚ she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if #i just sit down to do it‚ but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah ♡⁠ i am learning how to #draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively #writing again too 🫶🏾 i miss it but i also want to b able to draw ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა #learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of #other stuff to work on 💀 i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymore‚#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready 😌💕#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho 🧐 the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few years‚ when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex ૮ – ﻌ–ა #that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time #i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm 🧐#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya ✌🏾 getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price

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kelocitta · 2 years ago

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I love your RW art month tiles. What art program do you use and how do you get those really clean textures and shapes?

I use PaintToolSai, both 1 and 2- but most of the drawing gets done in SAI1 since I couldn't get my brushes to import right for 2. Its an extremely bare bones program all things considered (Sai2 less so, it has a bit more tool-wise, but I only draw in it if i *have* too or for minor stuff) so its nothing really fancy being employed, everything geometric I do just by using a self made grid to measure out shapes like you would a piece of paper.

Literally its just a measured out grid of like... 50 by 50 px squares with cross sections? I just paste it as needed and draw the lines around it and since the measurements are consistent it just works.

my default pen is already "crunchy" so being perfectly matched isnt a huge deal, and you can general paste and rotate to make it look a little cleaner. Honestly I've used this same grid for forever (and it was off by like one pixel at one point lol) its just really useful for quick matching things for a program that doesn't have stuff built in for lining things up As for the textures, those are all default to SAI (I think?). The brush I use lightly uses of fabri (which mostly just makes the edges of the brush grainier) and then I usually also put some various level of a layer texture overlay thats just one of SAI's default 'watercolor' textures. It mostly just adds a little bit of a noise/grain effect. Heres that on max

For ArtMonth itself I just draw out a tile canvas using the grid with all the layers broken up- then I just reuse it over and over as needed. There's probably smarter ways to do it, but eh it works

And yeah, theres just two borders. One for the bottom and one for the top, makes it easy to make something that goes 'in and out' of the tiles without having to think to much. Just snip as needed

#ask #i feel so bad trying to explain how i draw because not only do i suck at explaining it everything is SO sloppy compared to like #fancier artists. Idk man im basically out here with a pair of scissors a ruler and some paper. I can make a new layer and nothing else #i guess i should also note that i draw on fairly tiny canvases most of the time which means texture stuff can get a little more... strong?#than what i tend to see with huge canvases. Like most of my brush sizes run anywhere from like size 6 to 16 at max and that can be a decent #difference in look. I wouldn't say ones better or worse than the other just that there is a little bit of a different in feel there #artmonth canvases are sub 900 so that twitter keeps them transparent #in particular #ALSO SORRY IF THIS IS LIKE BADLY WRITTEN ITS 4AM #OH YEAH EXTRA NOTE: i have been playing with clip studio. not for like #serious use because i think it has too many things (lol) but i had to grab it for conversion stuff. I have played with a couple of layer #stuff there (the lizards i did recently. not the last one) i have no clue how to use that program or what any of the buttons do but i guess #if you wanna do what ive did with the lizards thats 'hitting random buttons in clip studio' and not SAI

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thefallenangelsgang · 9 months ago

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15 Lines Challenge

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture their character/personality/vibe. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you’re free to include those as well. @fablewritesnonsense strikes again! As always, no pressure, I just really admire these lovely folk's work: @helena-bug @just-another-wasteland-merc @roystory4 @druidgroves @heylittleriotact

(I'm going to be completely honest, I'm working of off 5 incomplete scenes if I just do BG3, so I'm also going to throw in some By Any Other Name quotes. It's technically the same character from a different story. The backstories vary a little but I'm confident the character is still there. By Any Other Name quotes are marked with an asterisk * at the end)

Wynleth Reiden

“Lathander isn’t going to strike me down if I don’t stop and kneel."

“Are you stupid?”

“Of course I’m not going to kill you!”

“And I’m still not sure you are actually what I think you are or just some freak with filed teeth and a biting kink!”

“My faith is entirely a different matter.”

“I am going to drown myself in the Chionthar.”

“It is precisely because you are a depraved beast that you get the juiciest gossip.”

“Yes, good sex!”

“I was married, he died… fifty-four years ago come Mirtul?”

“I- I think I need to be alone for a bit. I need to pray. I need to do something or I’m going to fall apart.”

“Is that why I took up the role of a garden water feature when I tried to dominate it?"

“Becoming a Paladin, beginning a life in politics, was how I could take control back. I never had a connection to Lathander like you did. I didn’t find him when I lost. He was never there for me in my darkest moments. He was forced upon me because it was expected . He inundates every single one of the worst moments in my life. Because of them .” *

"Here, every second of every day is focused on the words and what they mean and it's been like that for centuries. We are like an ouroboros. The dogma is causing us to consume ourselves.” *

"You are a soldier with faith, I am a priest sent to war. They are entirely different things.” *

"I have Saints, Martyrs, Prophets, all manner of Holy Persons in my family line. I was supposed to follow in their footsteps. But I didn’t. Not totally.” *

If you would like to see more of my writing (or some of the incomplete scenes these are pulled from) check out my tag on my account #Jericho Writes

If you are a Legends of Avantris and Edge of Midnight fan, By Any Other Name is a published oneshot about the Chapter 17 memory ritual you can find on my Ao3!

#number 4 has got to be one of my favorite lines I've ever written #It's also not subtle who she is talking to lmao #At least half of the BG3 lines are pulled from conversations with Astarion lmao #hes the only one I'm 100% confident I have the character voice down pat for #Karlach is in second place #I really need to improve on everyone else #I could probably bullshit my way through The Emperor #the additions I made to his canon lines fit pretty nicely #But I have a feeling as that scene goes on I'm gonna get lost #Anyways peep the line from the sex talk (number 8)#Astarion accuses her of never having good sex which... fair #But the girl was married for 50 years in a long distance relationship #to a sailor of all people #She might not be overly interested in sex but your lying to yourself if you think that shit wasn't wild #Almost all of the By Any Other Name lines are Wynleth arguing with Marius cause that was the conceit of the whole Oneshot for me #Them finally fighting out their differences about faith #MMMMMM Wynleth is how I deal with my religious trauma if you can't tell #tag game #legends of avantris #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate iii #loa #edge of midnight #eom #Jericho Writes

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kadoodles-on-ao3 · 2 years ago

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Sickness update: Still coughing, but it's (mostly) dry coughing now, and my headache is gone! But I'm not at 100% back-to-normal mental capacity yet either :(

Writing update: I've been hard at work on my angsty longfic! I was going to work on something lighter (especially with my cold) but all of a sudden more and more ideas to add to my AU kept popping in my head and I just had to jot them down.

Before long I was finally organizing my outline by putting all my previous bullet-point came-to-me-at-random-times-of-the-night-and-put-in-an-equally-random-order concepts into plot-chronological order as they should be, and making headings/sections for the major location changes to find stuff easier, and getting down how exactly series-and-collection-wise I want to go about categorizing the fic and its sequels, and finalizing their titles (which are all names of songs on The Glitch Mob's Drink the Sea album, give it a listen with good headphones if you haven't before, it's great background music!!) and oh yeah I needed to go over the h2hs again better open that doc, and I definitely need to have the game's script and cutscenes on hand for reference as needed (which was very frequently) and now baby I've got a stew going

I'm having so much fun writing characters I haven't gotten to write before, and (minor/vague Xenoblade spoilers) digging into the details of the lore about Face Mechon and expanding on my take of what was happening on the Mechonis before the party got there, and fitting lots of little puzzle pieces that the game gives you but doesn't directly tell you they belong together which is why I love it so much, and getting into such a nice flow state with it all and gjshfhskfh I love Xenoblade 1 so muchhhhhh!!!

So all that is to say I will hopefully be posting the prologue tomorrow or the day after! :) No promises as it's gotten much longer/more-detailed than I planned for (although I really should have expected that, it's always how it goes with me when I'm having fun writing I just can't stop haha) but it is most definitely on the way to being published soon!

#aside #before i get into mild spoilers for my fic (as in no details about the plot itself but i mention #which characters i'm writing in the prologue so if you want to go in completely blind turn back now!)#i will fill space by reiterating that drink the sea is such a good album and you should listen to it #my favorite track is Starve The Ego Feed The Soul :) listening to it with really good headphones and no other background noise is so #mmmmmmm it tickles my brain in the best way #as for the fic though i am having SO. much. fun. writing egil and mumkhar #i don't mention egil much publicly but he's one of my absolute fav characters from xc top 5 for sure #finally getting into his headspace and delving into his subtleties like his arrogance and loss of empathy is very :)#quite different from anything i've written before but in a good way. hope you like it as much as i had fun writing it!#and writing mumkhar's enthusiastic and sarcastic dickishness is a blast lmao #he was only supposed to be a small feature and likely even just an offscreen mention or two from egil #but then i realized how much i had written with zero dialogue (i like to do that especially in the middle of a conversation lol) and #i thought ''hm let's fix that! in fact part of my reason for having mumkhar here is that #he talks way too fucking much and it annoys egil to the point where he literally stitches his mouth shut so yeah having him actually #talk with specific words is important to the point i'm trying to make!'' and then oops my draft is an extra page longer now #but i had fun writing it and if it serves the story and the points i want to get across then i can't find the heart to delete it #and hey it's been so long since i've published anything so more is better anyway right?

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twinsarekeepers · 3 months ago

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It always gives me the ick when y’all try to say there’s a specific book canon, especially concerning only the show, because that’s not true. The “book canon” has been changing since literally the very beginning of the series. From tlt to som, Rick changed so many things not just about the lore in his universe but the characters too. He did it from PJO to HOO as well. This is a consistent writing pattern of his where he changes physical and personality traits of his characters depending on his whims and that’s just the way the pjo verse is. This is why the whole “book canon” vs “show canon” thing does not make any sense because firstly, the books are like 50 steps ahead of the show. The show characters are literally in the first book phase of their character arcs and it’s relatively the same other than minor plot changes. And secondly, the books have so many conflicting character moments for all of the characters that the fandom was having arguments about what was book canon long before the show was even announced.

while i love and adore the new percy jackson trilogy so far, i have to admit that i am both disappointed and a little upset at the mischaracterisation of the characters, specifically the main trio. percy, annabeth, and grover, are no longer percy, annabeth, and grover. not their book versions, anyway.

i know that rick has said this before; that he is writing these characters now with the actors in mind, and i do understand that, but it’s not working. the books and the show are two very different things. while both are wonderful and i love them (and the movies!!), they are different. and that is okay.

but yes, there are so many moments (more in wrath of the triple goddess than in the chalice of the gods i think) especially regarding percabeth, where it just… isn’t. that isn’t my percabeth. it’s a weird mix of book canon and show characteristics, and it’s just a mess when you do that.

i love and respect rick riordan with all my heart, and i am not in any way against him or his writing, but i don’t think that the way he is writing these new book is even remotely a good decision. i think it needs to be changed. book canon should be remaining book canon, and the show versions portrayed by walker, leah, and aryan should remain their portrayals. (which are incredible, they are perfect for their roles but they can never be the book versions. they are different).

#like im sorry what are we talking about here???#if you don’t like the way the characters are written in the new trilogy i really don’t see how you can even blame it on the show when rick #has literally been doing this type of thing from the very fucking beginning #like do we not remember the entire ‘would annabeth judoflip percy’ conversation that the entire fandom STILL has to this day #the whole ‘percy is a himbo vs percy is actually really smart and dangerous’ thing that’s been around forever #‘why was luke literally an evil supervillain in som but became more sympathetic in ttc-tlo’#and it’s literally all because rick’s mo is writing whatever tf he wants to write even if it doesn’t align with previously established canon #if anything this newer trilogy is actually a return to some of the og characteristics and id argue it’s because he’s revisiting #the og books for the show #and honestly i just hate how this fandom approaches adaption in such rigid ways #“THE SHOW AND BOOK CANON IS COMPLETELY SEPERATE AND NOT THE SAME AND THEY ARE DIFFERENT’#but a good adaptation entails being in conversation with the source material and figuring out how one affects the other so when the two #blend together for people it’s actually a Good Thing #and it makes me wonder why you guys are so hellbent on saying the actors will never be the book characters #pjotv #pjo tv show #pjo

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arolesbianism · 6 months ago

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I am building so many hcs for Moon in my mind I love her so much enough so to think abt ancient politics girlie better consider herself lucky (I say, as if fictional politics becoming to long dead societies isn't my favorite shit to explore)

#rat rambles #rain posting #anyways I like the idea that moon was first built during a time when the original nation that lived in the area had been split into two #she was built near one of the borders in a location that many of the organizations that had been carrying out iterator constructions at the #time had been eyeing for a while but avoiding because of the high tensions between the two nations and how itd be hard to not use resources #from across the border from either side to keep her operational #eventually though one of them was given the thumbs up and started construction leading to a lot of conflict #for a long time it was mostly just diplomatic arguments through messages and meetings but eventually as moon neared completion the topic #of which nation she should be considered to belong to became a major point of contension and there was a minor war over it #eventually the nation that had initially backed her construction gave up due to some natural distaters #so by the time moon was activated she was considered an iterator of the other nation and as such she had quite a bit of adapting to do as #while she had both of the primary languages of the nations in her database pretty much all of her database and internal functions were #written by and with the laguage of the initial nation that backed her construction #eventually this stopped mattering as the two nations ended up merging and the newly founded government remerged the two languages #I say remerged as they were initially different branches of the primary laguage of the initial nation that had falled apart #although moon found it nice to be able to use many of the words she wasnt allowed to use before it was annoying to have to once again #adjust to speaking a different language primarily #although she definitely did find it funny watching the others struggle to use the new language organically as she had a head start in #understanding how a lot of the 'new' stuff was actually used in practical conversation as opposed to straight translation #many iterators that were around during the two nation era will still usually exclusively think in their local language and occasionally #speak in it fully in more casual settings if they get that luxury #now ofc language evolves over time so all iterators have had to adjust how they speak but generally speaking they still are most #comfortable with their original language as its what they were built to speak

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toiletpotato · 7 months ago

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youtube

Check out this production of The Mountaintop by Katori Hall and then read the script!

The script link (the second one) also includes some very helpful guides to the show!

#cbc summer challenge #4: I really liked the contrast btwn Camae and Dr. King! as well as the perspective on the importance of violence #when pushing back at imperialist/colonial/racist forces that she presents #I also liked how the play balanced levity and serious topics #such as (the character of) Dr. King asking Camae if he should shave his mustache #I also love that Dr. King learnt things from Camae rather than vice versa #(well they learnt things from each other but one would expect something different)#I really really like the character of Camae - especially since in a period piece (though this was written in 2009)#there tend to be a lack of 1) Black women protagonists and 2) ones that are listened to #as for general technique - i love how engaging and conversational the play felt #and I loved the usage of stage directions to enhance characterization #for instance - at one point Camae is eating popcorn out of her maid uniform while listening to Dr. King speak #and I think that reveals that she is more relaxed in this situation #this is the 3rd two character play i've read (the first was dress suits for hire - the second was topdog/underdog) and they can be very #enjoyable if well written #and of course this one is!#I highly recommend you give it a read/watch and please share your thoughts!!#Youtube

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johnnysuhbmarine · 7 days ago

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Too Good to be Fake

Pairing: Jaemin x reader Description: If there was one thing Na Jaemin was known for, it was being a fuckboy with no interest in commitment. If there was one thing you knew him for, it was being your best friend…and long-time crush. When his group of guy friends gets tired of the roster Jaemin seems to be running through, they propose a deal - they’d each give him $100 if he could settle down with one girl for at least three months. But that was easy money to Jaemin. After all, he could just fake-date you. Content warnings: swearing, talk about sex, mentions/consumption of alcohol, a panic attack (not the reader), one punch gets thrown, reader has a somewhat bad relationship with her parents, their obliviousness to the other’s feelings makes you want to slam your head against a wall, some angst but it’s mainly through unaddressed fluff. Please let me know if I’ve missed anything. Word count: 31,947 A/n: I didn’t know I could write this much, but after making my smau, I was ITCHING for written work ahahahhahahahaha. Please enjoy, though who am I to tell you what to do…as always, feedback would be greatly appreciated. I love you :) also because I must tag @fullsunstrawberry in everything I do...here you go - I love you the mostest!

The semester was in full swing for just over a month, and Haechan was already tired of the amount of girls Jaemin had brought over to their apartment. The first two years of university cemented Jaemin’s image as resident fuckboy, but no one cared about the fact that they couldn’t keep him for more than a night because he was hot enough to make the one night worth it. Similarly, Jaemin couldn’t care less about being labeled a fuckboy - at the end of the day, all it meant was that he was able to get his dick wet with no added pressure from the expectation to ever commit; the concept seemed like heaven to him.

However, the start of junior year had his best friends thinking it was time for a change. As Jaemin sat down in one of their usual cafés for lunch, all eyes were on him. “Alright, Jaemin, we figure you’ve had your fun for the past two years now,” Chenle said with a gleam in his eyes.

“Too much fun…” Haechan adds under his breath.

Jaemin looked around at the group with furrowed brows. “Whatever is going on, can we stop it and just have our coffee and sandwiches like normal? Why am I being targeted for the amount of fun I’m having? You’ve all had your fair share of fun, too.”

Jeno let out a small laugh at Jaemin’s defense. “Yeah, but we aren’t nicknamed the campus fuckboy. Plus, we’ve all been in actual relationships during our time in college.”

Jaemin’s face drops, no longer interested at all in the conversation they were clearly wanting to have. “I could be in a relationship if I wanted to be, I just don’t want to,” he’s quick to mutter in reply.

“Why not?” Renjun asks, raising his eyebrows in wait.

Jaemin lets out a scoff. “All that love and commitment is stupid. You guys put so much effort into your previous relationships and yet, we’re all currently sitting at this table single. There’s no one who makes me want to even try being in a relationship. Why would I want to risk wasting all that effort on someone?”

His six best friends eyed each other around the table, either not buying it or not caring. “Look man,” Mark starts, getting Jaemin to turn his attention over to him. “Regardless of how you feel about love, Haechan is tired of listening to you and whatever girl you bring home that night…and he’s especially tired of it always being a different girl to walk in on him while he’s singing in the kitchen making breakfast. So, to maybe help him out, and also to test your ability because honestly, I don’t know if any of us think you’re capable…in the nicest way possible, of course. We wanna propose a bet- or a deal is probably the better word for it.” Jaemin shoots his gaze over to the rest of them, but no one bore a look of amusement, they were all curiously locked in. “If you can get a girlfriend and settle down for at least three months, we’ll give you $600.”

Well originally, Jaemin had no interest in any part of this, but if everything worked out the way his brain was planning it, that $600 could potentially be easy cash…not to mention a lot of it.

“I’m in,” he pipes up immediately, truthfully stunning his best friends at the table. Nevertheless, they all shake on it, and then Jaemin only has one thing to do…after finishing his coffee and sandwich, of course.

One day later, you get a text from Jaemin. Free to catch up today? Your cheeks blush warmly at the message. It wasn’t anything special, but after being glued to each other’s sides during high school, college saw you and Jaemin having considerably less time for each other; so it was always nice to see you were still a thought in his mind because truly, you missed your best friend like no other.

Free to catch up everyday :)) You respond, and Jaemin’s reply comes instantaneously.

Perfect ;) meet you at the café in two hours

You check the clock before mapping out how you would spend all your time in between now and then, quickly deciding most of it should be directed towards making yourself look presentable, seeing as you’ve done nothing but rot in bed all morning.

Fast forward two hours and you were already sitting at one of the café tables when the bell rang as Jaemin walked through the door. He scans the inside before his eyes find you and he lights up. “Hi, best friend!” He says overenthusiastically as he pulls out the chair across from you. You furrow your brows at his tone, not to mention his usage of ‘best friend,’ when you think you remember Jaemin calling you that only once before when you were both still in high school, and had since never labeled you like that again - not that it was an incorrect label, but one that he typically didn’t make a huge deal about unless…

“Oh, god,” you start sarcastically. “What mess did you get yourself into now?”

“Hey!” Jaemin shoots back in mock hurt, moving a hand over his heart as if you’ve just shot him. You let out a light laugh, rolling your eyes.

“Sorry, Jaem, please continue.”

He immediately ducks his head to face his lap, his tone bearing a fraction of the force it previously had. “Okay so, I got myself into a mess.” You can’t help the genuine laugh that escapes you as you shake your head. Jaemin whips his head up to face you in response, but as you manage to stop your laughter, all you can do is meet his gaze with a softness in your eyes that perfectly balanced the playful smirk on your lips.

“I’ve missed you a lot, you know,” you respond, and Jaemin rolls his lips inward to try and stop the smile as he directs his gaze somewhere off to the side.

“Yeah, hoping you’re still thinking that after I explain,” he replies hesitantly, and your face falls in an instant.

“You got me into a mess?!” You ask in disbelief, and Jaemin lets out a light sigh.

“Not yet, but that’s kind of the goal,” he answers, scrunching up his facial features as he waits for your reprimanding. Though it never comes, and instead, you speak plainly through a sigh.

“An explanation needs to come out of your mouth in three, two-”

Jaemin curls himself into a ball as best he can while sitting in the café chair, wanting some kind of physical defense before explaining himself in a rush. “I need us to fake date for three months so can you please please please be my fake girlfriend?” When he doesn’t get coffee thrown at him, he takes a moment to unfurl himself and look over at you again, his gaze met with your indifferent expression.

“Why?” You ask neutrally, and it seems to finally hit Jaemin that you were still the same sane, comforting presence you always had been, even if the two of you hadn’t properly hung out in over a year. He settles more decidedly into his chair, though he still frames his words through a lens of embarrassment, figuring that might be the best way to get you to agree - if you knew he knew he was stupid.

“$600 and to prove something to my friends,” he replies, his words light but his demeanor dead serious.

“And why me?” You toss back, causing Jaemin to roll his eyes as he throws his gaze off to the side again with a scoff.

“Cause every other girl I know has a crush on me and it’d make this very weird. I’m not trying to actually be in a relationship. That’s the last thing I want.” His words this time are firm enough to match his demeanor, and it has you taking a sip of your coffee to fight back the awkwardness you would’ve otherwise choked on.

“...Right,” you say in agreement, because out of all the times you could come clean about your huge crush on your best friend, right after he tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship is probably the worst time to do so.

“So?” Jaemin inquires hopefully, snapping you out of your thoughts. You flick your gaze up to him before immediately darting it back to your coffee on the table, one of your hands messing with the straw absentmindedly. Then you give in, because you suck at saying ‘no’ to your best friend.

“...Fine, but then we’re making a contract,” you say plainly, swirling the ice around in your americano. Jaemin lets out something like a laugh, shaking his head.

“Y/n, you’re taking this so seriously-” He starts, but you whip your head back up to him in an instant, cutting him off with sincerity.

“They’ll see right through it if we don’t,” you state, and you watch Jaemin’s adam's apple bob up and down in his throat as he swallows awkwardly.

He shakes out of it before putting his hands up in defeat. “Okay, whatever. Go ahead,” he replies, disinterested. You roll your eyes, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen from your backpack. Then you get to writing, because you were gonna need to set some intense boundaries if you were hoping to make it out of this alive.

“Alright, I think this should be good for right now,” you say after a few minutes, sliding the piece of paper his way. He takes one glance at it before letting out a laugh and directing his gaze back to you with raised brows.

“‘No kissing?’ I don’t mean to alarm you, but that’s actually the quickest way for them to see right through it,” he quips. You run your fingers through your hair awkwardly as you dodge his gaze, finally nodding your head with a sigh.

“Okay fine, we can change it. No kissing unless they bring it up or get suspicious. Good?” You ask, finally looking up at him again. He lets an amused smile paint its way across his lips as he stares at you across the table.

“Ha, we’ll keep it for now,” he agrees before turning his attention back to the paper and looking over the next thing you wrote. “‘No weird nicknames?’” He reads, popping his head back up to look at you for clarification. You roll your eyes, slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah, like sugar, pumpkin, honey, buttercup, sweetie, sweetheart, cutie pie, baby, babe, darling-” You’re cut off by a genuine laugh from Jaemin, helping you realize you’ve missed the sound of it a lot, and not at all helping the awkward situation you’ve gotten yourself into.

“Okay, you’re just naming every pet name imaginable,” he counters as though you were crazy.

You roll your lips inward, hesitating on how to respond before opting with a near-whisper. “I don’t like them,” you admit quietly, and Jaemin’s demeanor falls from playful to understanding. He opens his mouth to reply but closes it again before any words get out, instead taking another moment to think.

“They’re gonna expect me to call you something,” he finally says, speaking as though it were an apology.

You sigh, knowing he wasn’t lying. Idly messing with your hands, you reply quietly. “...are they gonna expect me to call you something, too?” You ask, and Jaemin contemplates with a sorry nod.

“Yeah, probably. Look, you can call me whatever you’re comfortable with, and if that’s just ‘Jaem,’ that’s fine.”

A more lenient answer than you were expecting, you shoot your head up to look back at him again, though your brows slightly furrow as you address the part he didn’t. “What about you?”

Jaemin lets out a soft sigh. “How about I just limit my usage of pet names, and I won’t call you anything food-related,” he suggests lightly, figuring those nicknames having made up your first seven examples meant you hated them the most. You roll your eyes but a smile crosses your face regardless because he was right, after all…and caring enough to actually realize that.

“I can live with that,” you relent, and a big grin comes back onto Jaemin’s face at the progress. He moves his attention back towards the contract, but immediately is whipping his gaze back to you in hurt.

“Why can’t I be the one to break it off?” He pouts, and you have half a mind to laugh, but you know he’s serious.

“If you date me for exactly three months and then break up with me, no matter how believable we make it, they’re either going to know it was set up or they’re going to assume you learned nothing and probably not give you the money,” you explain, and Jaemin’s pout turns into an impressed nod.

“You have a point…” He breathes out, causing you to smirk.

“I know.”

He bites on his bottom lip, deep in thought before turning back to you again. “We probably shouldn’t date for exactly three months then, either,” he adds, and you flash your eyebrows in recognition.

“That’s also true,” you say before putting together a calendar in your head. “Well, if today’s September 27th, three months is December 27th, so…we could have New Year’s Eve be our last night together?” You suggest awkwardly. Though, when you look back up towards Jaemin, he’s putting your timeline together with a nod.

“Works for me,” he cedes, scribbling your end date somewhere off to the side before continuing to scan down the list. His next question comes with the very last bullet point on the contract. “‘Come home with me for Christmas dinner?’” He reads before looking up at you in confusion. You shake your head with a laugh.

“Well, you didn’t think I’d do this for nothing in return, did you?”

Jaemin flashes his eyebrows in acknowledgement. “Okay…so why Christmas dinner?” He asks, and you drop your gaze back to your coffee.

“My family keeps riding my ass about not having a boyfriend. If you come back with me and pretend to be my boyfriend there, too, then even when we end things, they’ll at least be off my case for a while,” you admit, embarrassment tainting your voice before you rush to make the request sound more appealing. “And it’s not actual Christmas dinner! It’s that first weekend after finals week. You remember the big dinner we always had with other family friends and all that,” you drag off with an awkward laugh.

“Okay,” Jaemin agrees immediately, and you look back up at him in shock.

“Really? You’re agreeing to that?” You question, but he just shrugs his shoulders.

“Y/n, you’re getting me $600, the least I can do is one dinner with your family. Besides, they’re practically my second set of parents. I’m pretty sure I had at least a hundred dinners with them during high school,” he jokes, and the tension in your shoulders falls. You guys were really doing this…all of this. The two of you left the café and parted ways soon after agreeing to the terms of the contract, Jaemin feeling $600 richer already with how easy this was going to be.

Jaemin picked you up from class on the first day you would be meeting his friends, five days after the two of you signed your contract to fake-date. He greets you with an easy smile outside of your classroom door. “Hey, you ready?” He asks, and you send a nervous smile back up at him.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” you reply with a laugh. He flashes his eyebrows in acknowledgement, feeling much the same way seeing as this was probably the least conventional thing he’s ever done.

He leads you outside and towards the guys’ regular lunch spot at one of the tables set up in the campus commons. Jaemin had told his friends beforehand that he had gone and gotten himself a girlfriend and thus, to start the three month timer, and they were the ones who begged him to bring you to one of the lunches so they could meet you, and now here you were - walking casually towards the lunch table with Jaemin…too casually, Chenle noticed, because you weren’t even holding hands. He keeps quiet, but lets an easy smirk come across his face as you and Jaemin sit down next to each other.

“Alright, guys,” Jaemin starts as the rest of the friend group pins their full attention on you. “This is y/n. My girlfriend,” he says with a smile. The label sends ice through your veins. You could not believe Na Jaemin was introducing you as his girlfriend…it didn’t matter that the label was fake, the words sounded real coming out of his mouth. You turn your head to look at him, as if to get some kind of confirmation that it really was Jaemin next to you, calling you his girlfriend. By the time your gaze reaches him, he’s already looking over at you with a cheesy grin, nudging your side playfully with his arm and getting you to relax a little.

The guys go around introducing themselves, but as they make their full way around the table, Jeno immediately speaks up.

“So, how did the two of you get together?” He asks curiously. A valid question, which is why the guys all lean forward in interest, because of course they would be dying to know how their fuckboy best friend got an actual girlfriend rather than a hookup. It was a horrible question though, because it was one you forgot would ever come up, and you had no game plan to go about answering this. Though, it seemed all you had to worry about was keeping your eyes from going wide, because Jaemin did have a game plan for this, and he answered smoothly.

“I just asked her out,” he says with a shrug. “It’s always been so easy with y/n, I take it for granted most of the time. Every time I’m with her, I’m reminded that it takes no effort to breathe, that I’m standing on solid ground. We met up for coffee the other day and she said she missed me and I-” He falters for a moment, and you finally bring your gaze up from your lap to face Jaemin, just to see him shake his head as if he were breaking himself out of a nostalgia trip. “I wanted to hear that again and again,” he finally says seriously, and you can’t stop the smile from reaching your face. “So, though now it just sounds embarrassing saying it out loud, I straight up asked her to be my girlfriend right after that,” he adds through a laugh. “I had been waiting for the butterflies that everyone always talks about, but the fact that I’ve never really felt that with her just made me more sure I wanna be with her - there’s no discomfort or anxiety,” he says, and with your head ducked back in to face your lap, you miss it when he turns to look at you softly. “She’s just always felt like home.”

Jaemin’s answer seems to have done its job in convincing everyone, and it definitely did its job in reminding you that you were in deep trouble. Though, as the rest of the guys take in Jaemin’s words with an impressed nod, Mark tries to fill in his holes. “Wait, how long have you known each other?” He asks, which was another valid question seeing as Jaemin talked about you with history even though you had never met his friend group before.

“We’ve been friends since high school,” Jaemin says coolly, though this time, you’re the one to nudge him with a laugh.

“Best friends,” you add teasingly, and Jaemin chuckles as he looks over at your figure before nodding his head.

“Yeah, best friends,” he agrees fondly. “But, I’ve liked her for a while now,” he says, turning back towards the group as his face falls and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “I just- obviously have the image that I do and I never wanted to get her tied up in it. She deserves more than being labeled as some fuckboy’s latest infatuation,” he says, and as you furrow your brows at him, he just shakes his head, moving on with a light smile. “Though, obviously, I saw her last week and couldn’t help it anymore.”

Sorry smiles cross most of the guys’ faces - they were no help when it came to keeping labels away from Jaemin, and he was sure putting on a convincing show, making it almost seem like it was their fault the two of you hadn’t already gotten together.

Haechan swings his gaze over to you with raised eyebrows, shifting gears to try and not to let the dampened mood actually settle in. “And you? How long have you liked him?” He asks, and you have to stop the laugh from leaving your system. Instead, you just shake your head fondly.

“Forever,” you answer truthfully, turning to face Jaemin before immediately pulling your gaze back down to your lap in embarrassment. “Any girl will tell you, it’s impossible not to fall for Na Jaemin.” At this, all the guys roll their eyes, but Jaemin just turns to study you softly, biting on his bottom lip in contemplation as he tries to sort out whether any part of your statement was true or if you were just really good at acting.

However, with the rumbling of Jisung’s stomach, he quickly discards the topic of you and Jaemin, deciding that after all the intro questions were out of the way, food was much more interesting. The guys laugh along as Jisung rips through his paper bag lunch, but it does its job in getting them to focus on their own food in front of them, too.

Casual conversation occurred over lunch, and you were pleasantly surprised to find it wasn’t awkward at all. Not that you were expecting the guys to be awkward with each other, but you typically weren’t great at meeting new people; and now you were meeting six of them at once, somehow fitting right in, your occasional remarks causing the whole table to laugh - something you’d have to pat yourself on the back for later. The only disturbance comes from Chenle, who had begun leaning way back from the table, carefully balancing his weight on the bench as he seems to examine the ground by your feet.

The entire friend group eventually catches on to his antics, turning their attention towards him with raised eyebrows. “What are you doing?” Renjun finally asks, the question coming out as though he thought Chenle were crazy…which probably wasn’t too far from his actual stance on the matter.

Chenle shakes his head, pulling himself back into a normal sitting position as he locks his gaze onto you and Jaemin. “Don’t most couples have a hand placed on the other’s thigh or something while sitting? Why are you guys like- a foot away from each other?” He asks plainly. Your face drops and your eyes widen.

“We are not a foot away from each other,” you remark firmly, but then Jisung peaks beneath the table as well, pulling back up with a shrug.

“Uh, you kinda are,” he says, causing Jaemin to roll his eyes.

“Didn’t think you guys were big pda enthusiasts,” he says, trying to laugh it off, but Chenle is relentless.

“Have you kissed yet?” He asks immediately, and you almost choke.

“What?!” You return in shock, but Chenle looks between the two of you with uninterested brows.

“You’ve liked each other for forever and you’re this awkward?” He shoots back in a taunt. You sigh, collecting yourself because you knew what you were about to have to do.

“You’re right, Jaem,” you say, pulling his attention your way as you place a hand on his cheek and smile in disbelief. “Your friends are annoying,” you continue, and then you lean in and kiss your best friend and long time crush.

Admittedly, you’ve imagined this moment more times than you could count, but none of those fantasies could have prepared you for what it actually felt like to kiss Na Jaemin. His lips were perfect, he was perfect, and you knew that already but now you felt it. You remind yourself of where you’re at, why you’re kissing him in the first place, and bring yourself to pull back after the one soft kiss, trying your best to make it seem as though that alone didn’t cause you to lose your breath.

As the two of you pull away from each other, Jaemin’s gaze locks on you, running over every inch of your face with an unreadable look in his eyes to contrast the softest of smiles on his lips. “Yeah, angel, they are,” he says through an exhale, and as your face goes completely pink, his smile eases into a familiar smirk. “But if you kiss me every time they piss you off, I might have to have them stick around.”

You roll your eyes, nudging him in the side again as you focus on the playful banter and not on the fact that Jaemin just rewired your brain chemistry with one ‘angel.’ “Whatever, we both know I kiss you all the time anyways,” you tease, but as you try to shift away again, Jaemin catches your hand in his and looks at you as if you were crazy.

“No, I kiss you all the time,” he rushes to correct, and though you whip your head back to face him in offense, your eyes instantly soften upon contact, a tight smile playing at both of your features instead.

Your only thought was to kiss him again, and you’re thankful when Chenle cuts off any chance of that happening. “What is going on?” He asks in disgust, causing Renjun to laugh and shake his head.

“Hey, you were the one jumping their asses for their lack of public romance. This is your fault.”

With the conclusion of lunch, Jaemin kept you company on the walk back to your dorm. As soon as you’re out of sight from the rest of the guys, you let out a heavy sigh and accompanying drop of your shoulders. “Well, there goes rule number one…” You say in defeat. If you couldn’t even follow the first rule during your first outing as a ‘couple,’ the rest of these three months were not going to bode well for you.

Instead of matching your demeanor, Jaemin takes offense. “What, no! We changed rule number one to no kissing unless they brought it up or were suspicious, and they both, brought it up and were suspicious,” he claims firmly, but the playful tone underlying his words makes it so that all you can do is let out a small, wry laugh.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” you say with a shake of your head, though the smile has made its reappearance on your face. Next to you, Jaemin stops walking, pausing for a moment as he stares at the pavement beneath your feet. As soon as you notice his absence at your side, you turn back around to face him and his small grimace.

“Thank you, by the way,” he says gently, and any remaining tension you were carrying falls away; because any time Jaemin fell softer, you were reminded of how you’d do anything for your best friend. “I don’t know if I really thanked you for letting me talk you into this. I know it’s stupid, but it’s nice to have them attacking me for whether or not I’ve kissed you rather than attacking me for my body count,” he finishes, and it feels as though all your joints had immediately locked up again.

Jaemin’s title as the campus fuckboy was not lost on you, but talking about anything close to relationships was never a strong suit for you guys; and with him quickly finding his place within a new friend group here at college, it meant you were even less in the know of his whereabouts on any given day. The last thing you were expecting was for Jaemin to keep you updated on who he just fucked, but the entire realm of conversation was always so unreachable for you two. You knew nothing of what the campus fuckboy was truly getting up to; there was sometimes talk in your class when a girl would come in beaming as she told her friends she managed to spend a night with Jaemin, but instances like that were all you got informed by, and you never dared pry deeper into those overheard conversations.

Sometimes your jealousy would damn near kill you - all these girls boasting about the fact that they had spent a night with Jaemin…you wanted to turn around half the time and tell them to forget about one night because you’ve spent countless days with him; that your entire high school career was covered in his handprints and bright smile which you were sure was laced with drugs - a smile you knew he wasn’t throwing around in the bedroom.

You never did snap, though, because it was easier to keep your ‘best friend’ label with Jaemin under the radar at college, unless you wished for tens upon hundreds of girls to line up in front of you and ask your advice on how to win his heart. Jokes on them, you were still figuring that out, yourself.

“What is your body count?” You ask with a hesitant swallow, your curiosity getting the better of you now that he’s finally brought it up.

Jaemin shoots his head up to face you but instantly dodges your eye contact again. For the first time since you’ve met him, he looks genuinely embarrassed. “Another time, y/n,” he says in soft dismissal.

You swallow harshly, in disbelief at what you were about to tell him, but as much as it would sting, it would keep your own feelings at a very needed bay. “If you still want to have sex, you can. I don’t mean to force you into celibacy. Just make sure it’s at the girl’s house so Haechan doesn’t find out,” you say lowly, and Jaemin immediately makes wide eye contact with you.

“Really?” He asks in something like shock. You act as though it’s no big thing, and you’re sure it probably shouldn’t be, anyways.

“Yeah,” you respond with a shrug.

Jaemin takes in your words with a contemplative head nod, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth before his eyes light up in alert, finding another caveat to address. “What do we do if the girl starts talking about the fact that she hooked up with me?” He asks seriously, but you’ve finally found humor in the situation, shaking your head as though there were hardly a need for the question.

“Jaem, just about every girl wants to sleep with you, or at least make it seem like she did…a random girl claiming to have hooked up with you one day is just going to sound like she’s desperate for attention. No one’s gonna take it seriously,” you say with a playful roll of your eyes. Absolutely nothing you said was wrong, and with a deep breath, Jaemin seems to accept that fact.

As he exhales, he resumes his continuation on the walk back to your dorm, a light nod of his head accompanying his next words. “Okay. Thank you-” His casual start is broken as he turns his head back over to you at his side in question. “Are you gonna be okay? Are you gonna like- hook up- uh…with other guys?” He asks curiously. All you can do is laugh at him.

“Casual hookups aren’t my thing and no way am I getting an actual boyfriend while we’re doing this, but of course I’ll be okay. I’m pretty sure your sex drive is at least ten times greater than mine. I can handle three months,” you reply lightly, and seemingly all of Jaemin’s worries about this new implementation fade away - it seemed perfectly doable without getting caught.

As you get to your dorm entrance, you and Jaemin turn to fully face each other. “Thanks again for today. I think we got them somewhat convinced,” he says through a small laugh, and you flash your eyebrows in acknowledgement.

“No reason to thank me for that - you did most of the talking,” you rebuttal playfully.

Jaemin’s laugh turns into a knowing smirk. “You were the one who kissed me,” he teases, and you shake your head, but a wide grin spreads across your lips, regardless.

“It's not my fault that they both, brought it up and were suspicious,” you remind him, putting your hands up in defense. Jaemin takes a moment to laugh again before settling into a more fond look that was reminiscent of your high school days.

“We’re gonna have to start hanging out more again since they think we’re dating, but even before all that, I think it’d make me happy if we started hanging out more again just cause I’ve missed you…and I know it’s my fault we haven’t talked as often! I got a friend group of guys and an- agenda…with girls, and as such, my entire college career up to now has unfolded in that way. But I miss you because you’ve always been my friend, not because of some agenda or fake-dating scheme.”

“Mmmmmm, best friend,” you correct with a sure smirk, making Jaemin drop his head with a laugh of defeat.

“Yeah, best friend,” he cedes, and your smirk turns into a soft smile.

“I never do anything, so just text me when you wanna hang. I’ll be there.”

He looks back up at you with a small grin and a nod. “Same goes for you,” he replies. Then, all that was left was saying ‘goodbye’ in a much more awkward way than usual, before you went back up to your room to decompress from whatever the hell just happened.

It was a week after that first lunch when you were alone and bored in your dorm. None of the guys mentioned anything about having plans for the weekend while at lunch, which you had begun to join in on every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So, although you just saw him, you figured Jaemin wouldn’t have anything better to do than hang out with you some more today. You shoot your gaze over to the clock, agreeing there was more than enough time left in the day to make a hang out worth it, and then grabbing your phone to text Jaemin.

Hey, I’m bored. Wanna do something? You send, and Jaemin’s reply is instantaneous.

With a girl rn

For a text that’s letting you know he’s following your directions, it hurts more than you thought it would to read. You know it’s for the best that this be your reality. Jaemin had been your best friend for so long now, the last thing you wanted was to ruin that with your feelings; and while fake-dating wasn’t helping, this reality-check definitely did. He’s not just your best friend anymore, he’s the campus’ heartthrob…the campus’ fuckboy. It was the entire reason behind the bet his friends made in the first place - a circumstance like this was only expected. So, you’d have to forget about the hollow feeling in your stomach right now and instead support your best friend in a best friend way, cause no matter how many times in the next three months he’s destined to call you ‘angel’ or look over at you softly every time you talk in the group, ‘best friends’ is all you are to each other. Oh, look at you go! I figure I’m your alibi, so I guess I’ll stay in for the rest of the night so there’s no possibility of one of your friends seeing me

His reply this time took about thirty minutes to get to you, and even his last text didn’t prepare you for the brick wall that faced you with this one. Thanks

Jaemin isn’t selfish, Jaemin is busy. It’s the mantra you kept repeating to yourself, because you know he’s not selfish; and while you were expecting a reply more aligned with an apology for forcing your Friday night to be spent indoors and alone, taking the time to text that out probably was not something Jaemin could manage while another girl was surely sucking him off.

The next Thursday, it’s Jaemin’s idea to hang out after classes. The two of you decided to chill at your place so that you didn’t have to constantly pretend around Haechan, should he be in their apartment. As you swing the door open to Jaemin’s presence, he looks at you with a big grin on his face. “Hey, angel,” he says, patting the top of your head as he walks into your dorm. You track his figure deeper into the living area, looking at him quizzically because the whole purpose of him being here was that he didn’t have to call you ‘angel.’

You just shake your head with a smile as he plops down on your couch. “Hey, Jaem.”

He looks up at you with innocent eyes. “What did you want to do tonight?” He asks, and you shrug your shoulders with a laugh.

“You’re the one who wanted to come over; my plan was to do homework.” Your answer has Jaemin’s face falling, and you watch as he gets up from the couch and immediately walks out the door, leaving you completely dumbfounded. You didn’t think homework was that repulsive to him. Though, moments later, there’s another knock on your door, and you answer it to be met with Jaemin again, this time his own backpack slung across his shoulders. “Wha-?” You question with a laugh of disbelief.

Jaemin sends a smirk your way before once again walking past you and towards the couch, immediately unzipping his backpack and placing its contents on the coffee table. “Homework,” he says casually, looking up at you with raised brows and a smirk. “Best friend, fake girlfriend, study buddy…you get all the fun labels,” he teases, causing you to shake your head before relenting and joining him at the coffee table.

It was an incredibly normal night. After the two of you finished up the last of your assignments - though getting distracted every five or so minutes with stupid jokes, complaints of coursework, or a sudden remembering of a story that needed telling did not help push things along, the two of you watched a movie. You ended up making hot cocoa, because the privilege of thermostats meant that it wasn’t a crazy option, regardless of the outside temperature, and then sat on the recliner, Jaemin taking up considerably more space on the couch in response.

The two of you had always been good movie watchers with each other. You both liked to enjoy movies in the same way - the lights off, no talking, no distractions from phones…even if it was a movie you had seen a hundred times. The two of you took movie nights seriously, mainly because with each other, you could. At least, you had yet to find anyone else who would sit and watch Coraline with you and not take a break to say something about how they find it creepy or flatout don’t like the movie when it’s not even halfway over. Though, Jaemin always happily watched, saving his only comments (typically about how “they just don’t make movies like that anymore”) for the credits.

Just like that, it was like a night from high school, and it ended much the same way - a side hug with Jaemin and his promises of getting home safe, though it was you rather than your mother that he was making that promise to now.

Walking back into his apartment, Jaemin immediately catches the attention of Haechan, currently making late night ramen in the kitchen. “Did you just get back from y/n’s?” He asks, pulling his attention away from the stove to turn his head towards Jaemin.

“Yeah,” Jaemin answers casually as he makes his trek through the front space and towards his room, only getting distracted when Haechan speaks up again with a playful lilt and a matching smirk on his face.

“Good night?” He asks, causing Jaemin to furrow his brows before realizing what Haechan was actually getting at.

“What-? Oh, shut up,” he dismisses. Turning back around to face Haechan revealed him to be completely distracted from his ramen - his back now leaning against the countertop as his casual crossed arms added to the tease in his raised eyebrow. Jaemin rolls his eyes at the antics, especially considering Haechan was the main reason this whole deal was made in the first place - because he was tired of Jaemin having sex. “We didn’t have sex. We did normal couple things,” he states confidently before turning around again to actually make his way inside his room and behind his closed bedroom door.

This meant Jaemin missed the way Haechan’s playful brows furrowed in confusion, his face falling flatter as he spoke through a soft exhale. “What?” Any more time he could have had to actually question it was overridden with the need to tend to his now boiling over ramen; so Jaemin got off easy the rest of the night.

Haechan was not as forgiving the next time he saw the guys at Monday lunch, though. With you still nowhere to be seen and Jaemin in his line of sight ordering food, he addresses everything in a more serious tone than any of the guys were expecting.

“Does anyone else find it odd that they haven’t had sex yet?”

Eyes go wide at the rest of the table. “They haven’t?!” Jeno practically shouts before immediately getting embarrassed and making himself as small as possible. Haechan just shakes his head.

“They haven’t even spent the night at each other’s places yet. He always comes back home after hanging out with her and it’s always just him.”

“Maybe they’re taking it slow,” Mark replies with a shrug, but all eyes lock on him with ample skepticism.

“Does ‘slow’ seem like a Jaemin thing?” Haechan rebuttals. “I mean, come on. We’re talking about the guy who’s notorious for getting his dick wet at any available opportunity.”

“So, we think they don't really like each other? They’re faking it?” Renjun asks with pursed contemplative lips.

Haechan’s the one to shrug this time in mystery. “$600 is a hefty amount. He’d do anything he can for that, including but not limited to getting a fake girlfriend and lying to us,” he states more firmly, but that’s as Jaemin joins the table; his brows furrowed and mouth hanging slightly open as he looked around at the guys in something like disgust.

“What in the world did I just walk in on? Y/n is not my fake girlfriend. The deal money is nice but I’m at least honorable about these things,” he argues, and immediately all the guys whip their gazes towards him, varying expressions on their faces as Jisung speaks up in genuine question.

“Why haven’t you slept with her yet?” The seriousness of the question and the sheer interest in the rest of the guys’ faces gets Jaemin to roll his eyes.

“You guys are atrocious, you know that?” He says in place of an answer.

Chenle raises his brows. “The question remains,” he taunts with a smirk.

Jaemin looks him dead in the eyes as he responds. “She means more to me than that.”

“Means more to you than that?” Jeno reflects back with a laugh. “Jaemin, are you forgetting your love language?” This is the first thing you can pick up as you finally get to the table after questions from your classmates held you for more minutes than should be allowed. Regardless, you immediately jump right into conversation.

“Love language?” You echo with a smile. “There’s something I’m knowledgeable about. How’s my words of affirmation boy doing?” You continue, all your attention directed towards Jaemin as you shed your backpack from your body.

He looks up at you still standing by his side, eyes soft and speaking through a small smile. “Better now that you’re here,” he answers, and you don’t stop the bashful smile from coming across your face as you finally get situated sitting down next to him. The gentle moment is broken, though, with Jeno asking a question in total shock.

“Words of affirmation??” He begs for clarification, and the rest of the guys lean in at the table some more in apparent interest. You look at them all as though there was some joke you weren’t getting.

“Yes? What did you think it was?” You question back, and they respond in almost perfect unison.

“Physical touch.”

You can’t stop the small laugh from leaving your system as you look back at all of them seriously. “Jaemin’s good at showing love through physical touch, no doubt, but words of affirmation is by far his favorite way to receive love, it’s not even a question. And sure, part of that is how he smiles like an idiot whenever I tell him he’s the most handsome guy on the planet - which is stupid because ‘handsome’ honestly doesn’t even begin to describe it…” You trail off awkwardly before shooting your head back up to face everyone.

“But have you ever seen him receive a compliment that has nothing to do with his body or looks? The way his eyes light up like something just clicked for him? I mean, he’s so many more things before he’s physically attractive, and all he was waiting for was someone to recognize that. Every time we meet up after class and I say something like ‘I’ve been longing to be in your presence all day,’ or ‘thanks for bringing me more happiness than I’ve ever known,’ he’s practically on the verge of tears every time. It’s why when I told him I missed him that one day, all he could think to do was ask me to be his girlfriend. He’s been waiting to be missed on a level that had nothing to do with his body. He’s been waiting to be affirmed in a way that isn’t physical.”

That seemed to get everyone else at the table to shut up, swallowing awkwardly as they instead turned their attention to their food. You let out a small sigh of relief as you dig into your own sandwich, but Jaemin doesn’t think he can even take one bite anymore; a weird feeling in his stomach and his mind going a million miles an hour. When he does pick up his sandwich, it’s not because he’s finally convinced he can keep it down, but because not eating now would be incredibly suspicious to everyone…including you.

Jaemin walked you back to your dorm after lunch, something that became typical since it wasn’t always possible to pick you up from class for lunch. You were walking in comfortable silence; in fact, an element of awkwardness was only introduced once Jaemin spoke up with a strange sort of cough and hesitant words. “I didn’t know I was a words of affirmation guy,” he finally says after a couple of minutes.

With the two of you out of sightline and earshot of the others, you let your actions and reactions express more naturally. So, you paused completely, making him eventually stop and look over his shoulder at you in question. “Oh…really?!” You say in light shock before shaking your head and resuming your pace so you could catch back up to him and continue casually. “I mean, maybe you’re not then, but just from what I know-”

You’re cut off with a small laugh from Jaemin as he shakes his head softly, matching his contemplative tone. “No, I think you’re right. Everything you said I- I think you’re right.” He says it as though he were almost embarrassed by the fact, and you decide that’s the last thing you’re gonna allow him to feel in this situation.

“Oh, well, would you like me to affirm you more often then?” You ask seriously. “We aren’t exactly meeting up after class everyday and I’m not exactly telling you I’ve been waiting for that very moment, but I can.”

Jaemin is quick to dismiss the idea. “No, it’s okay. No use doing that when this whole thing is fake. I mean, rule number three or something is that everything is immediately dropped when we’re in private,” he tries to play off with a laugh, and as you finally reach the entrance to your dorm, you turn around to face him solemnly.

“Jaem, that’s not me putting on an act. You do know I love spending time with you, right? And-” You shake your head, frustrated with yourself that this is something you obviously didn’t do a good job of communicating earlier. “Take us out of this whole situation thing,” you command, finding your footing in what you’re wanting to say. “Just- as friends. I love spending time with you. I want you in my life forever, yeah?” You finish softly, and when you look back up at Jaemin, he’s quick to break eye contact.

“Yeah.”

The next few weeks saw to it that you and Jaemin were hanging out more than ever. What you saw as insane luck meant that every time you texted asking if he could hang out, he was never ‘with a girl’ at the time; and Jaemin was texting you and being the one to make plans at a far greater rate than you were, anyways. Instantly, your relationship reflected that during your time in high school - the only difference was that sometimes in the midst of trying to pretend you didn’t have the hugest crush on your best friend, you were also having to pretend you did have the hugest crush on your best friend.

Hang outs were still mainly at your place so that the two of you never had to worry about Haechan, though sometimes you’d purposely have a night in at Jaemin’s to keep Haechan convinced. This was not one of those times. Instead, you opened your door to Jaemin as you have for the past three Friday’s now, which the two of you decided would be ‘date night’ in everyone else’s eyes while really, you’d just keep a low profile and do whatever you wanted. Due to schedules, you always had an hour for homework before you’d be met with Jaemin’s presence, and he was right on time today. “Hey, Jaem!” You greet with a smile as you swing the door open and step back to allow him inside.

“Hey angel,” he replies casually, because calling you ‘angel’ was now a very typical occurrence, regardless of who was around to hear it. He flashes a smile in your direction, but instead of beelining for the couch like normal, he stops to stand kind of awkwardly in front of you before continuing hesitantly. “Mark is having a Halloween party if that’s something you’re interested in…we could go together. I know parties aren’t really your thing.” He speaks as though it were an apology, and all you can do is chuckle at his antics.

“Don’t worry about that. I am your fake girlfriend, aren’t I?” You tease in reply, and Jaemin raises his eyebrows as though he didn’t know where you were going with this.

“...Yes,” he draws out slowly, and you just shake your head at him fondly.

“So, if you’re going, then I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you answer sincerely, and though you’d never be able to convince yourself of it, you made Jaemin blush - just the tiniest bit.

He lets out something like a sigh of relief before nodding his head in acknowledgement. “Okay, I’ll tell Mark we’re going, then,” he says happily, and then suddenly it’s right back to routine as he heads for the couch to chill before the two of you could decide what all you actually wanted to do that day.

The next time you saw Jaemin was two days later when he asked if you wanted to accompany him to the store. It was all light and casual conversation as you strolled through the aisles, most of the time pointing at random items and saying ‘you’ to try and see who could get the other to laugh more. The bit promptly ended when you pointed at a Scrub Daddy to relate Jaemin to, but he instead teased you endlessly for using an item with “daddy” in the name. The only thing to veer his topic of conversation away from that was when you passed the aisle that had been repurposed into Halloween decorations and costumes, making him stop in his tracks.

“Have you decided on a costume for the party yet?” He asks curiously, and you turn back around to face him and redirect your path to peruse the Halloween aisle, touching random bits of costumes before dropping them back to the rack with a shake of your head.

“Well, I was gonna go as an angel since that’s kind of what you call me now, but if we do it as a couple’s costume, then you’d end up as the devil or a demon or whatever, and I don’t love the idea of that. So…would you wanna go as Team Rocket instead?” You ask in return. Jaemin swallows awkwardly as he takes in everything you just said, but he can’t take too long to explore the slightly comforting feeling brought on by you saying the idea of him as a devil wasn’t your favorite…because that wouldn’t be very ‘I don’t care what anyone else thinks’ of him. Instead, he resorts back to a familiar tease, an eyebrow raised as a playful smirk crossed his lips.

“Who said I wanted to do a couple’s costume?” He shoots back and your face immediately goes red as you scramble for words.

“Oh! You don’t- I was just- it’s not-” You’re cut off with a warm laugh from Jaemin.

“Breathe, angel, I was just messing with you,” he reassures with a shake of his head.

“Maybe you would make a good demon,” you deadpan in return, and Jaemin’s eyes light with fire as his jaw drops.

“Hey!”

“Just messing with you, Jaem,” you banter back, and Jaemin bites on the inside of his cheek to stop a wide grin from making an appearance at your behavior.

“I’m fine going as Team Rocket, as long as I get to be James,” he says with a mock seriousness, effectively getting you to smile as you roll your eyes.

“Well, I wasn’t going to suggest you be Jessie,” you assure in the same manner, and Jaemin nods his head, seemingly content with the plan before another question comes to mind.

“Are we dying our hair?” He asks, and this time he’s actually serious. You think about it for a second before giving into the idea with a contemplative nod.

“We can get the spray that lasts up until you wash it,” you suggest, and with a nod from Jaemin, your Halloween costumes were set - all you had to do was make them.

Fast forward a week and the only thing left to do was iron on the ‘R’ decal on Jaemin’s top, which was exactly what you were doing in his apartment as he took the time to spray blue in his hair. You look up from the heat press as Jaemin walks out of the bathroom. “Huh,” you let out involuntarily, and if you were any less close with Jaemin, you would’ve been embarrassed beyond words. However, he just looks at you with furrowed brows and a curious grin.

“What?” He asks, and you shrug your shoulders as though it were nothing big.

“You look good with blue hair,” you answer, trying your best to be casual about it.

Jaemin’s curious grin had turned into a shiteating one. “Oh, yeah?” He digs, trying to get under your skin; though, you thwart the attempt immediately, instead responding with nonchalance - the exact opposite of what he was reaching for.

“Well, no more than normal,” you reply, and Jaemin’s brows raise impossibly.

“Now, what does that mean?” He asks playfully, but you just shake your head.

“You’re the fuckboy, Jaemin. You know what I’m getting at.” With that, your attention was back on the iron as it beeped and let you know his shirt was ready. You pull it out from under the heat and turn it around so Jaemin could see the final product, and with a nod of approval, he grabs it from your hands and heads back to the bathroom.

“Looks great, angel,” he finally says, studying his appearance in the mirror before walking back out to the living area. You just drop your head as you feel your face heat up at the compliment.

“I’ll uh- go get ready,” you say quietly, and then you grab your own costume and hair spray before trading places with him in the bathroom.

Jaemin doesn’t hide his small smile as he watches you walk back out to the living area in your matching costume with him, and you try your best to pin your focus anywhere other than his soft gaze. “Um- drinking at parties isn’t really my thing so- I can drive us back here afterwards. You can drink however much you want,” you get out awkwardly before moving to sit down next to him on the couch.

Jaemin chuckles lightly in response to your behavior. “Are you sure?”

You nod your head profusely. “Of course. You enjoy parties a lot. I don’t want you to change an aspect of it just because I’m there, too. So, however much you normally drink…go for it.”

Jaemin studies your figure with ample doubt covering his features. “I don’t know. Me drinking while knowing I have a ride home typically means I turn into too much to handle,” he jokes, but any form of negative self-talk from him always grounds you, and you’re quick to refute it.

“Not for me,” you say, turning your head to make eye contact with him. “Never for me.” Your soft reassurance has Jaemin simply staring at you, and you quickly turn your head back to face your lap as you overthink every little embarrassing thing you’ve already done tonight. On the other hand, Jaemin didn’t even think twice before leaning over to place a kiss on your cheek.

Your cheeks puff out with a smile in immediate response to the contact, but as you lift your gaze back up to face Jaemin, your attention is caught by Haechan, who had just walked out of his room in costume - a vampire costume that was already iconic and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

Your soft smile turns into a full-on grin as you address him. “Woah, Hyuck. You look great!” You say with a laugh, and Jaemin whips his head around to face his roommate just to fall into his own bout of laughter.

“Oh, fuck off,” Haechan replies with a playful roll of his eyes as he walks towards the door. “Are you two gonna head out soon?” He asks more seriously, and Jaemin gives a light nod.

“Yeah, we won’t be too far behind you. Y/n just isn’t a huge fan of parties, so we opted for fashionably late rather than fashionably early.”

Haechan flashes his eyebrows up in acknowledgement before turning back from the front door to face the two of you again. “Alright. Don’t violate the couch too much in the meantime. It’s my favorite couch,” he banters, and this time it’s you and Jaemin to roll your eyes.

“You fuck off,” you say through a grin, and Haechan drops his head with a loud laugh before bringing his gaze back to the two of you with a soft smile.

“I’ll see you guys soon,” he says happily, and with that, he’s out the door.

It was about thirty minutes later when you and Jaemin entered the party house hand-in-hand. As soon as you got in, you realized your friend group was a lot more popular than you ever thought, because seemingly everyone you went to school with was here. For parties already feeling overwhelming, parties where you could hardly move without bumping into someone were even more so. Though, in the midst of the blaring music, a hundred different conversations, and all the dancing, your attention is turned to your interlocked hand with Jaemin as he gently rubs his thumb across the back of your hand.

You shoot your gaze up at him just to see he’s already staring back down at you softly. Unlike you, he looked completely at home in the party scene, though you figure one can’t truly get labeled a fuckboy without being so. That’s also why you assume he was able to tell you were already uncomfortable from the second you stepped inside.

Hardly a few feet from the entrance, he leans down to you at his side, speaking slowly in your ear so you could make it out from the rest of the noise. “We’ll stay only as long as you want, okay? If you wanna turn back around right now, we can.”

You shake your head minimally, turning to face him and realizing that action placed your lips dangerously close together. You roll them inwards in hesitation before shifting your gaze to his own. “I’m not going to make you leave super early. You like parties.”

A smirk plays on Jaemin’s lips as he raises an eyebrow at you. “I like you more,” he replies playfully.

You dart your gaze off to the side, ripping your hand away from his in the process. “I’m fine. Let’s just go find our friends.” You take a step out from the entryway but quickly notice Jaemin isn’t following. You whip your head around to face him just to see his hand outstretched for you again.

“If we’re going to go find our friends, your hand better be in mine,” he quips, causing you to roll your eyes before obliging and lacing your fingers back together. He gives your hand a light squeeze as he flashes you a wide smile and drags you to where he already saw Haechan, Jeno, and Renjun.

“Hey, you guys look great!” Jeno says with a bright smile as the two of you join their circle. Jaemin finally slides his hand out of yours to instead place it on the small of your back. Despite yourself, a small smile comes onto your face, not at Jeno’s words, but at Jaemin’s touch, and you relax a bit more against his hand.

Jaemin is the one to actually respond as the other two guys turn their attention to the both of you as well. “Thanks! My incredible, beautiful girlfriend made the costumes,” he says, tossing his gaze over to you at his side. You roll your eyes at him, but your smile grows.

“Making it is not the same as making it look good. You did that all on your own,” you shoot back earnestly. The three guys in front of you throw on a look of disgust, as if they weren’t the ones telling Jaemin he needed a girlfriend. Jaemin just looks over at you with a soft gleam in his eyes, his mouth straining as he tries to conceal a smile. He opts to just kiss you on the cheek instead, then reaching for your far shoulder and pulling you his way. He snakes his arms around you to keep you there in a hug from behind, his thumb gently rubbing up and down your waist. The five of you stood in a circle just talking for at least an hour. Occasionally, one of them would leave to grab drinks for the group, though you were sure to just stick to water the entire night as everyone around you became a comfortable state of tipsy.

Eventually, Jaemin unwound his arms from your figure, causing you to turn your head and look up at him in question. He lets an easy smile paint his lips. “I’m just running to the bathroom real quick. I’ll come find you again in a few.”

You nod your head, and your eyes follow Jaemin for as long as they could before he became completely indistinguishable from the rest of the crowd. You turn your attention back to Renjun, Jeno, and Haechan. “I’m gonna go find Mark,” you start with an awkward laugh. “I don’t know if he even knows Jaemin and I are here.” The three of them nod at you, Renjun racking his foggy brain for where he thinks he last saw him. You nod, thanking them for their company so far, and then heading off towards the kitchen under the guidance of Renjun’s memory.

When Jaemin steps out of the bathroom, he almost immediately runs into the body of another guy. Opening his mouth to apologize, the guest beats him to words.

“Jaemin, nice costume,” he says, and Jaemin loses his tension at the compliment.

“Oh, thank you-” He starts, but is quickly cut off again by the stranger.

“You got another one of your hoes to match with tomorrow?” He slurs with a smile, throwing an arm around Jaemin’s shoulder.

Jaemin’s eyes widen as he snakes out under the touch, guiding their hand back down to their side. “Uh, no, y/n’s my girlfriend. It’s just her and we’re just out for tonight,” he replies, turning his gaze away from the man to instead scan the crowd and try to lay eyes back on you.

“Ha! Good one,” the guy laughs out, and Jaemin snaps his gaze back to him in confusion.

“Good one?” He echoes back in question, but with a hard slap on his back that Jaemin thinks was meant to be playful, his conversation partner quickly leaves. Jaemin stands there for a moment puzzled, but he tries to shake out of the uncomfortable feeling as he directs his gaze back to the big crowd, looking for where you may have wandered off to once he sees you’re no longer with the previous group.

He quickly realizes he wouldn’t be able to find you by standing in one place, so he picks up his feet and starts weaving through the crowd again. When he feels a hand on his back, he assumes it’s you, and he whips around towards the figure. His face quickly drops when he realizes it isn’t you, and suddenly he’s extremely conscious of how everyone’s been touching him tonight.

“Such a shame your costume shows so little skin,” the girl says with a small pout and a fake innocence in her eyes. Jaemin tries to take a step back, just to bump into more people dancing and forcing him back into close proximity. He swallows hard, accepting the fact that he was having to engage in this conversation now.

“My girlfriend picked it out,” he says firmly, and the girl in front of him just tilts her head to the side, now rubbing a hand up and down his arm.

“Well, she’s ruining the fun,” she replies, something like pity in her eyes as she looks at Jaemin. He furrows his brows, his breath getting heavier as the air seems to get thinner.

“Um, I- I think I’m still fun without showing skin,” Jaemin fumbles out, and the girl just laughs, finally letting her hand drop from his arm as her doe-eyed expression turns mean.

“You’d like to believe that,” she says, shaking her head and walking off.

Jaemin stared after her in a weird mix of hurt and confusion that he hadn’t ever felt before. “What?” He asks in defeat, but there was no one there to give him any clarification.

He desperately starts looking around for you again. If he could just get back to you, if he could just slip his hand into yours, he was sure the heavy weight that’s found its way onto his chest would disappear. He was shaking, he didn’t know when he had started shaking, but it seemed to take the place of his breathing, and now he was worried about whether or not he would even have time to find you before he suffocated. Almost all the effort he was placing into finding you was now being placed into holding back his tears. Everything was too loud, he couldn’t hear his own thoughts, couldn’t hear his voice if he spoke aloud, suddenly not sure if he was even getting any words out when he opened his mouth, which only worried him more because he was dying and he couldn’t tell anyone.

Holding your hand, it was the only positive thought he could seem to cling to, the only thing keeping him from collapsing to the floor in a ball - he had to find you, he wanted to hold your hand. He thinks it’s a miracle that his feet are able to start moving again, especially when someone definitely put 50 lb weights in his shoes without him knowing.

He finally lays eyes on you, now in the kitchen talking with Mark, Chenle, and Jisung. Though you were maybe ten feet away, it might as well have been miles, as another hand gets placed on his chest from a random girl in front of him. “James, let me know if you get bored of Jessie later. I can give you a good time,” she says with a smirk, and Jaemin feels like he’s going to throw up; though he can’t quite tell if that was because of her words or the whirlwind of the past three minutes. In fact, if he knew just how badly he was shaking, he would’ve questioned how she didn’t feel it when she placed her hand on his chest.

He shakes his head as quickly as he could without getting too dizzy to continue his trek towards you. “No, I quite like Jessie,” he says through hiccups, not sure when the first stray tear made its way down his cheek. He pushes past the girl without giving her time to respond and make him feel worse. All he wanted was you, and when he finally got close enough to place his shaky hand in yours, all he could manage were whispered words that he prayed would reach you, or at least leave his mouth at all.

“Please don’t leave me.”

Still in conversation with Mark, Chenle, and Jisung, you don’t turn too much attention to Jaemin slightly behind you as you settle your hand into his touch, but that’s when you feel how badly he’s shaking. “Jaem, are you okay?” You ask at your side, though your eyes remained trained on Chenle as he told the least dramatic story in the most dramatic way.

“There’s a lot of people here,” Jaemin whimpers out, the answer confusing enough to pull your focus away from Chenle.

“I know-” You start, your gaze following from your interlocked hands up his arm and to his face, but that’s when you actually see the state he’s in and your face instantly falls into worry. A steady stream of tears cascaded down his cheeks, his eyes tightly shut to block out the extra stimulation, only opening them to look at you before promptly getting embarrassed and turning away. You immediately squeeze his hand a little tighter in your hold, getting him to train his eyes back on you. You pick up your words as he does so, careful to hide your immense worry in your tone and instead speaking softly for him. “Hey…let’s get you to a quieter room, okay?”

Jaemin nods his head minimally, able to let out a choked response. “Okay.” You take no extra time in telling the others that you were going to have to get filled in on the story later. Instead, you just make sure your grip on Jaemin’s hand is enough to not lose him while navigating through the crowd as you immediately lead him upstairs and into an empty room.

“Talk to me, what’s going on?” You say, closing the door and turning on a soft lamp light before you whip back around to watch Jaemin pace the entire floor, his fingers running frantically through his hair.

“I don’t know. Everyone keeps talking to me and touching me and everything is so loud and my head hurts and it’s so hot I’m sweating and dizzy and freaking out-” He spoke all at once, and you knew the last thing he needed was to run out of breath while explaining. You jump to cut him off, still trying your best to make your voice as calming as possible for him.

“Hey…it’s gonna be okay. Can you sit down for me?” The second you said it, Jaemin was on the floor, his heavy breaths visibly not making it to his whole body. Your eyes soften some more as you look at him. It didn’t take a genius to tell you he’s never been in this situation before, and all he knew to do was trust you. You let out a soft sigh as you move closer to him. “I know you said you’re hot and sweaty and overwhelmed with touch, but is it okay if I hug you?”

“Please.” The word comes out weak, riddled with enough tears to make you break. You sit down behind him, placing your legs out along his own outstretched ones as you gently hug him from behind.

“You can close your eyes, just focus on my voice. You’re gonna be okay,” you state with confidence, rubbing a thumb gently up and down his side. Jaemin is quick to refute, shaking his head with an intensity you wish he wouldn’t right now.

“No, y/n, it feels like I’m dying,” he says, fear covering every aspect of his voice. You let out a soft sigh.

“You’re not dying, you’re panicking.” This, too, he refuses to accept. His response comes out as firm as it could through tears.

“I don’t panic. I’m the cool guy. I’m not panicking, I’m dying.”

Despite yourself, a small laugh escapes you through an exhale, and you hug Jaemin to you extra tight. “Baby, no matter how cool you are, there’s not a person in the world completely immune to panic attacks.”

Jaemin stills for a moment, the sudden switch confusing you before he speaks and confuses you even more. “I thought you didn’t like that word,” he says, wiping his face of tears and then placing his hands on your own arms around his torso.

You furrow your eyebrows, though with him in front of you, there was no point. “What word?” You ask. Surely he wasn’t talking about the word ‘panic attack’ but racking your brain, there was nothing else you said that wasn’t just a normal word.

“You don’t know you said it,” he says curiously, a small sniffle coming from his figure as he tries his own attempt at a light laugh.

“What are you talking about, Jaem?” You question again. At this point, you were sure one of you was going crazy, and you really were banking on it not being you. Though, Jaemin just dismisses the subject, and with you sitting behind him, you missed the small smile that now covered his features.

“Nothing, please just continue holding me like this,” he begs softly, and you nod your head, squeezing him tighter for a second.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you reply seriously, and there you and Jaemin sat for at least another ten minutes; the only noise to break the silence was his occasional cries as he still tried to rid himself of tears and calm down completely.

When you couldn’t remember his last sniffle, you start to rub your thumb up and down a portion of his waist, disrupting the physical stillness before you spoke and disrupted the silence.

“I wanna get you some water soon,” you say gently, but any attempt to move from your position was shot down as Jaemin quickly fumbled to grab your arms and press them firmly back down across his torso, his body beginning to shake again at the idea of you getting up.

“No! Don’t leave! Please,” he chokes out, and almost all of the progress you thought he made in the past few minutes was erased.

You sigh, and refusing to think about the fact that you were practically breaking your own rule, you lean forward to kiss him on the cheek. “I’m staying right next to you, Jaem,” you start, and you watch as he basically forces his breathing to get back to normal at your words…or at least tries to. “Do you want me to call Jeno and get him to bring up water for you, or do you want to follow me down to the kitchen, grab a water bottle, and leave?”

Jaemin thinks for a moment before dropping his head in what you assume was shame, which was the last thing he needed to be feeling. “I- can we leave?”

You squeeze your arms around his body once more in acknowledgement. “Yeah, come on,” you reply, and the two of you slowly make your way off the floor and into a standing position. As you let go of his waist, you immediately grab his hand in yours, looking up at Jaemin for confirmation that this was what he wanted to do. He stared back down at you with a teary smile and nod, and with that, you led him out of the bedroom and back downstairs.

Thankfully, Mark, Chenle, and Jisung were still in the kitchen, meaning you had to cover no extra ground to fill Mark in on your departure.

“Hey, I’m gonna take Jaemin home,” you say, turning to face Mark after grabbing a water bottle from the fridge he was standing next to.

Mark furrows his brows. “Everything okay?” He asks, knowing Jaemin wasn’t one to leave parties early, nor was he one to have tear streaks painted across his face.

You try to smile but it comes out more as a grimace. “Yeah, he’s just a little overwhelmed today. Thank you for inviting us, though. It was a blast.”

Mark nods his head in understanding. “Thanks for coming. Are you driving?”

“Yeah,” you reply, and Mark forces some sobriety back in his system.

“You haven’t had anything to drink, have you?” He asks in worry, and you let a grateful smile paint your face as you respond.

“No, I’m okay.”

Mark nods before taking another sip of his own drink. “Okay. Be safe. I’ll see you guys soon.” You reciprocate his nod in acknowledgement and then immediately lead Jaemin towards the front door and back to the car.

You make sure he’s all taken care of in the passenger seat before you start messing with the controls in the driver’s seat to move it to where you could actually drive. You make a mental note to apologize about changing the position of his seat and mirrors tomorrow after everything’s calmed down, but as you start driving, Jaemin is the one to beat you to an apology.

“I’m sorry,” he says weakly, and you risk a quick glance over at him with furrowed brows.

“Huh, why?”

Jaemin fiddles with his fingers in his lap, unable to look anywhere else because of his embarrassment. “For making you leave the party. You were having fun,” he answers softly, and despite your best efforts, a small laugh escapes you.

“Jaem, I was having fun because all we did was hang around with our group of friends. I don’t care for parties in and of themselves, you know that. Truthfully, I’d rather just be with you right now,” you say, and as you pull up to a stop sign, you look back over at him again. Defeat riddled his features as he spits out a response.

“But I’m just crying.” He speaks those words as though he were mad at himself for it, and you don’t understand how your best friend came to believe that he always had to be some perfectly presented guy.

You let out a sigh before turning your attention back to the road. “It doesn’t change the fact that I like spending time with you. Besides, you’d be crazy to think I’d rather be anywhere else right now when you’ve got me so worried about you.” When the only response from Jaemin is another sob he tries to cover up, you frown. “I’m not mad at you for making us leave the party early, and I’m not mad at you for crying,” you add on, and Jaemin finally lifts his head to look over at you in his driver’s seat. He seems to scan your figure up and down, processing your words and the fact that you were actually taking care of him right now. He sniffles once more before abruptly turning his focus back to his lap, and the car ride is silent the rest of the way to his apartment.

As soon as Jaemin gets into his own room, he already looks a thousand times better; the tension in his shoulders finally falls and his breathing gets more regular. You scavenge around his apartment for anything he may need during the night and next morning, because outside of his panic attack, he was still tipsy, too.

With a fresh water bottle and ibuprofen set on his night stand, you bid Jaemin goodnight, running a hand gently through his hair as he laid down in bed. However, before you can fully turn around and leave, Jaemin catches the hand you just had in his hair. In shock, you whip back around, just to be met with wide pleading eyes.

“Please stay,” he says softly, and your breath hitches for a moment before you resume your cool, or at least try to.

“Jaemin-” You start, your tone already giving way to your refusal. Though, Jaemin cuts you off in an instant, his grip on you getting slightly tighter.

“You said you wouldn’t leave me,” he shoots back, and his voice is already shaky again from the sudden raise in volume of his claim.

You sigh, trying to slowly snake your hand out of his grip as you reply. “Yeah, but I was kind of meaning that for while we were still at the party, not…now, when you’re going to sleep.”

He refuses to let you out of his hold, and he pulls you even closer to the end of the bed. “What if Haechan comes back?” He starts, trying his best to talk normally. “He’d be really confused as to why you didn’t stay over after the night I had.”

Despite yourself, you let out a small laugh. “There’s no shot Haechan makes it back tonight or is sober enough to think about anything but getting in bed himself. You’re just saying that to try and convince me.”

He finally lets his grip on you drop as he lets out a heavy breath bordering on the dividing line between defeat and hope. “Is it working?” He asks, and though you were finally free from his grasp, able to just say a final goodnight and leave to head back to your place, you don’t. Instead, you drop your head, speaking so softly you’re not sure Jaemin would even be able to hear.

“I want the side next to the wall.”

With your gaze facing the floor, you couldn’t see the sudden warm glow behind Jaemin’s eyes as he pulled back the comforter on that side and pulled his legs up so you could crawl over by the foot of the bed, neither of you saying another word as you do.

Jaemin didn’t know why he was so captivated by watching you fall asleep in his bed. The two of you must’ve been at least a full foot away from each other, as you immediately made sure to press up against the wall and make yourself as small as you could. That was fine by Jaemin. He wasn’t asking for the two of you to cuddle in the first place - this was still a fake relationship after all, and he was very much aware of that. In fact, that truth was probably more plaguing than ever at the front of his mind. Now instead of a reminder that he had to pretend to date you, it was a reminder that this was ending in two months. Jaemin’s tipsy brain couldn’t put together what the sinking feeling in his chest meant at the realization of that. So, he pushed it away, and just looked over at you sleeping peacefully right up against the wall. He didn’t need to have his arms around you - knowing you were next to him was enough, and for the first time that night since the party started, he was completely at peace.

When you wake up and realize you were more comfortable than usual in your bed, you open your eyes and figure out that it’s because you’re not in your bed. In fact, you’re hardly resting against a bed at all. Instead, one of your arms is lazily thrown over your best friend’s waist as your head rested comfortably, incredibly too comfortably, on his chest. The discovery that your legs were some kind of interlaced didn’t make things any better, and the full realization that you were practically on top of Jaemin had you jolt. This, of course, didn’t do anything but wake him up. With your head now propped up on his chest, you watch as he slowly peeks open one of his eyes, exhaustion still written over all his features. However, the second his gaze lands on you, he shoots open both eyes. Embarrassment quickly floods your being as you address everything. “Uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

You’re cut off with a light chuckle and softly spoken words from Jaemin. “You’re okay.” Regardless of his response, you can’t shake the embarrassment. Jaemin’s arms fall from around your body as you try to get up, and that’s when you realize both of his arms were wrapped around you in the first place. You push the thought to the back of your head, turning to get off of his bed completely.

You’re stopped by his hand grabbing yours. You quickly turn your attention back to Jaemin, who still had yet to move any part of his body but his arms as he looks at you softly, pleading. “Can we go back to sleep?”

You swallow awkwardly, your throat now suddenly dry. You dart your eyes around his room before sighing and just landing your gaze back on him. “Um, do you still need me here for that?” You ask genuinely. Jaemin breaks eye contact this time, as he just looks down at your two hands still holding onto each other. He gives a slow nod of his head, humming a little.

You bite your lip to stop a smile from coming onto your face. It wasn’t often that you got to see your best friend looking as gentle and small as he did now. Jaemin, with the larger than life personality just wanting to stay in bed with you, it was hard to say ‘no.’ So, you don’t. “Okay.” Though when you move to resume your position back by the wall, he chuckles a bit and uses your still interlocked hands to pull you back onto him.

The next two days after you woke up on top of Jaemin (again) were filled with an awkward period of zero contact between the two of you. You couldn’t blame him for not responding to your text to hang out the day after. You were both really good at never crossing lines back in high school, but Halloween put a blur on every single one…and it didn’t help that he was tipsy that night, too. Outside of whatever rules in your contract were broken, you were sure Jaemin was also just embarrassed to no end.

There was a lot of pressure on him to be this man with no emotions; his label as a fuckboy meant people typically started and stopped all their thoughts about him at the sexual level, and he did his best to live up to their many expectations in that department, neglecting all the other parts of his being that needed tending to. Vulnerability was not a Jaemin specialty, largely because it’s never what anyone was looking for from him; and anything that lessened his sex appeal, and thus meant he couldn’t make a call and immediately have any girl he wanted, was a possibility he sought to avoid.

You didn’t necessarily mind the no-contact, though. Your heart was doing flips and spins in Jaemin’s presence on Halloween, and you had to give yourself a cool-down period before seeing him so that you could act normal around him again - whatever it was that ‘normal’ looked like when you were having to convince a group of friends that you liked your best friend while convincing your best friend you didn’t actually like him.

Jaemin made up an excuse for your absence at Monday’s lunch, but on Tuesday he finally messaged you again and asked you out for ice cream, which you of course said ‘yes’ to. He meets you at the entrance to your dorm and smiles at you with something like a sigh of relief when you smile back at him; though, with his messy hair, thick-framed glasses, and a hoodie adorning his figure, it was hard to do anything but smile - he looked criminally boyfriend.

“Hey, I’m- sorry…for it being weird these past few days,” he gets out somewhat awkwardly as you start on your walk towards the best ice cream parlor by campus.

You shake your head with a small laugh. “It’s okay. You’ve been going through it recently,” you joke, and Jaemin licks his lips before bringing himself to laugh as well.

“Thanks for uh- putting up with me on Halloween.” He speaks as though the words were bitter on his tongue. “I’m sorry about forcing you to spend the night.”

You let out a sigh. You wanted to stop and force him to see the sincerity in your eyes as you told him that you weren’t ‘putting up with him,’ but you knew you needed to keep this moment more casual so he wouldn’t find these vulnerable bits overwhelming and consequently shut down. So instead, you just keep walking with a small shake of your head.

“You don’t have to apologize for that. You just had a panic attack - if I didn’t spend the night, I wouldn’t have gotten any sleep. I would’ve stayed up all night worried about you. It was better that I was with you.”

Jaemin lets something like a grimace cross his features as he responds with a wry laugh. “You care about me a lot,” he points out, making you look up at him by your side with raised brows.

“Of course I do. You’re my best friend,” you say seriously, and Jaemin looks down to meet your gaze, giving away the distant look in his eyes.

“Ha, fair,” he begins. “I care about you a lot, too.” As he continues, he drops his head to face his feet. “But I don’t think I’d know how to take care of you while you’re having a panic attack,” he admits regrettably, but all you can do is give a soft smile.

“I’m not expecting you to. All I ask is that you let me be there for you again if you have another one…and that you stop being so embarrassed about showing emotions,” you tack on, causing Jaemin to laugh a bit in defeat.

“Okay, angel, but only with you. I have a hot guy persona to keep up in the real world,” he says through a smile, but you shake your head.

“You’re hot, regardless,” you deadpan, and Jaemin’s face lights up as he nudges you in the side playfully.

“Well, look at that! You sweet talker. Maybe I’ll pay for your ice cream today,” he banters, and soon the two of you are in shared laughter as you elbow him back.

“Whatever. I’m 80% sure you were gonna pay for my ice cream even before that.”

“80%?” He echos, bringing a hand up to his chest as though he’s been shot. “Such little faith,” he tuts, shaking his head and making you roll your eyes playfully.

“Am I supposed to have more faith in a fuckboy than that?” You tease, and Jaemin’s face falls into a mock seriousness, holding open the door to the ice cream parlor for you as he looks at your figure with raised eyebrows.

“No, you’re supposed to have more faith in your best friend than that,” he says as you pass through the door, and you look back at him to share matching small smiles.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I have nothing but faith in you,” you reply as he, too, fully steps inside and lets the door swing closed behind him. The proximity has you looking almost directly up at him as he stares down at you in much the same manner; playful gleams in your eyes and fond smiles adorning your faces. At once, he nods his head towards the counter behind you.

“Go order, angel. It’s on me today.”

You scrunch your face up at him with a big grin. “Thanks, handsome.” Then you promptly turn around and head towards where the cashier was waiting to take your order, not even taking one chance to look back and see how red Jaemin’s face had gotten in response.

Jaemin knew it was coming, that was the funny thing. He just wasn’t expecting the disconnect between his head and his heart to be remedied all at once; but looking at you standing in line and pointing at what flavor you wanted, he had never wanted to do this with anyone else, but he really really wanted it with you, today and every day after that.

Sitting down and actually eating ice cream included the most normal of conversations between you and Jaemin. He wasn’t your best friend for nothing - the two of you could talk forever and never run out of things to say or comfort and joy to find in each other’s presence. As such, when you finished your ice cream cones and left the parlor, interaction flowed as it always had while he walked you back to your dorm…meaning the two of you looked like just best friends; close enough on the sidewalk to hear each other but far enough apart so that there was no possibility of accidentally grazing the back of each other’s hands or anything. You were hardly conscious of it, elated at the fact that you and Jaemin were so close and consistent again after the past few years, but Jaemin could practically only focus on the distance between the two of you.

You had basically just stepped foot back on actual campus when Jaemin abruptly stopped, grabbing your wrist and turning you towards him as he spoke in a rush.

“My friends are looking, kiss me,” he says in something close to a panic, and so you immediately oblige, pressing up on your tiptoes to kiss him firmly. You place your hands on his chest to steady yourself as you break away, catching your breath - something that Jaemin always seemed to make you lose - as you turn your head around to look at the surrounding area.

“Where are they?” You ask through a light pant, turning back to Jaemin once you checked and double checked but caught no sign of his friends.

Jaemin licks his lips hesitantly, shaking his head. “They must have left already,” he says through an exhale, and you take a deep breath, finally allowing yourself to step away from Jaemin’s body as you face the ground, trying to regain your footing from the whiplash it felt you just went through. Jaemin lets out an awkward cough before speaking up again. “We should probably hold hands all the time when we’re in public, though. I’m pretty sure Chenle’s the only suspicious one still out of the friend group, but it’d throw anyone off if we’re dating and not holding hands. And if there’s one thing I learned from the Halloween party, it’s that people don’t know we’re dating, and that should probably change so it doesn’t just look like an act put on for the friend group…or Chenle’s never gonna believe it.”

He wasn’t wrong, and you knew that - you knew that before all of this even started. Rule number three was that the act is immediately dropped in private, but that came with the other side of things being that you had to put on an act while in public, regardless of who was around to witness it.

You nod your head slowly. “Yeah, okay,” you cede, and Jaemin’s hand immediately finds yours, the warmth from the contact making you realize how chilled your bones currently were. There was no more hiding it from girls in your classes now - you were Jaemin’s girlfriend to the general public, not just to his six best friends. You needed these next two months to pass by quickly, because with the promise of Jaemin’s hand being in yours more than ever, you were sure your chances of survival just decreased dramatically.

That Friday, your date night was replaced with a night in at Jaemin’s apartment. As soon as he shot you a text saying he was home from class, you made your way over to his place. He opened the door with the bright smile he typically revealed just for you, stepping back to let you inside with a fond, “hey angel.”

You step inside with a smile and small greeting in reply. “What do you wanna do today?” You ask, turning around to face him once you realize you were aimlessly crossing the span of his apartment for no reason. Already preparing for the question, Jaemin moves his hand from behind his back to reveal a thick blu-ray case in his grip.

“Harry Potter movie marathon?” He asks with a smirk.

You look back at him with raised eyebrows and a small grin of your own. “You know I can’t say ‘no’ to Harry Potter at any point in the Fall or Winter seasons,” you reply, and Jaemin’s eyes find a new glow behind them.

“That and Gilmore Girls; though I’m much more in the mood for Harry Potter because if we started rewatching Gilmore Girls now, we’d have to get through all those episodes with that floppy-haired jerk and really, Jess is so much better,” he adds on seriously, and all you can do is laugh.

“Hey, Dean is at least better than Logan,” you respond, and Jaemin lets out an actual groan.

“Please don’t get me started on Logan…can we instead get started on Harry Potter?” He asks again, waving the disc case around invitingly and causing you to laugh some more as you walk towards the couch.

“Just waiting on you,” you answer as you plop down on the couch, making Jaemin roll his eyes playfully before turning around to set everything up on the TV. As the familiar soundtrack fills the room, Jaemin places himself next to you like normal, handing you a blanket to make the cozy night-in complete.

Two hours later, as Jaemin got up to switch out the discs from The Sorcerer’s Stone to The Chamber of Secrets, you got up for a bathroom break, and when the two of you sat back down, there was maybe an inch less space between you both than previously. Not much else changed. That is, until not even ten minutes into the second movie. You catch in your peripheral as Jaemin moves his hand up to scratch at the back of his neck. You don’t think anything of it until that arm doesn’t come back down to his side, but instead wraps around the back of your shoulders.

“Is Haechan here?” You ask lightly, trying to talk over the sound of your breath hitching. Haechan’s room was closest to the bathroom, and you don’t remember any sign of life coming from nearby while you were in there, but nothing else explained this, because this was not normal between the two of you.

“No,” Jaemin answers shortly, and all you can do is swallow hesitantly as you fight for words again.

“Then why is your arm around my shoulder?” You ask, trying to make it sound as though your words were a playful tease and not a desperate question.

Jaemin looks over at you with raised eyebrows and a playful smirk. “Because what if he comes back?” He replies casually, and you try to roll your eyes in much the same manner, as though his arm around your shoulder wasn’t single-handedly making your heart rate spike. He was right, anyway - if Haechan came back, it would be weird for the two of you to be sitting any other way.

It was during Prisoner of Azkaban when Haechan inevitably walked into the apartment. Busy with locking the door behind him, he was caught off guard when locking eyes with the two of you as he turned back around. Though, all at once, his gaze softened as he looked between you, Jaemin, and the television. “Hey guys,” he says warmly, and you mentally high-five yourself not only for the fact that you and Jaemin seemed to have truly won Haechan over, but also that you had won Haechan over; the main reason this bet was even made was because Haechan couldn’t stand whatever girl it was that Jaemin had over, but here he was, excited to see you cuddled into Jaemin on the couch, and that win was not lost on you.

“Hey,” Jaemin replied with a smile. “We’re watching Harry Potter if you want to join,” he continues, but Haechan shakes his head at the extended invite as he moves to grab something from the mess that was the kitchen counter.

“Tempting, but- I’m all good. I’m about to head back out, actually. Mark and I are gonna hit a few bars and try to unwind from this bullshit week,” he says with a weak laugh. You and Jaemin flash your eyebrows in acknowledgement.

“Let me know if you need a ride back home. We’ll swing by to grab you and Mark, or- I will, at least, depending on what time it ends up being. Regardless, be safe. I enjoy having you as a roommate,” Jaemin says, his tone turning more playful with every word.

Haechan rolls his eyes with a smile. “Yeah, yeah. I won’t drink and drive. We all know I’m smarter than that,” he says, but when he makes eye contact with you and Jaemin again, he meets your wide-eyed stares of doubt, causing him to shake his head with a more hearty laugh. “You guys suck,” he says with a smile. “I’ll keep you updated throughout the night. It was nice seeing you, y/n,” he continues seriously, beginning to fiddle with the front door lock on his exit.

“You, too,” you reply genuinely, and with one more nod and wave goodbye, he was out the door. It wasn’t even five seconds later when Jaemin’s arm detaches itself from your shoulder, instead finding comfort at his side again. He didn’t pay any mind to it, his attention pinned solely on the movie. You do your best to not show any physical reaction to the absence of his touch, especially when you were the one giving him a hard time for it in the first place. You’re almost shocked by how well Jaemin is able to turn it on and off, though you figure the real problem was how poorly you were able to do the same. Jaemin was just doing his part, exactly as he said he would.

Your heart had to stop looking for hidden meaning to every touch, every “angel,” because he was your best friend and crush, but you were his best friend and fake-girlfriend. Unbeknownst to you, Jaemin ran through the same spiel in reverse inside his own head, figuring if he kept his arm around you now with the promise of Haechan being gone, you would surely catch onto the fact that he craved your touch more than typical of best friends - which was exactly what you both were going back to at the start of the new year.

It was the first Tuesday after you and Jaemin agreed to ramp up your public dating facade, and you were already the center of attention as you walked into class at 11:00. You tell yourself no one’s gaze locked onto you as you opened the door for class - that you were making it up; but at least some percent of that story was false, because as you sit in your chair and start pulling out your notebook for class, your name gets called from the seat diagonal to you. “Y/n, rumor has it that you and Jaemin are actually dating,” this girl, Hana, says. You knew she was looking for a response, so you don’t give her one, instead focusing on your pen mindlessly rolling between your fingers.

“You? With a guy like him?” She continues, adding more bite and disbelief to each word. You keep your gaze focused in front of you, jaw tightening as you try to hide more robust reactions. That is, until she continues. “You can’t be that good in bed.” Your fist clenches as you whip your head towards her; furrowed, taunting eyebrows matching the fire in her eyes and the smirk on her lips, the rest of her friend group snickering behind her. You have the patience for none of it - you were not going to sit here and take this.

“Actually,” you begin, your kind tone dripping in sarcasm. “I know this is something you don’t have experience with, so bear with me, but Jaemin genuinely likes me as a person and so I didn’t have to win him over with just my skills in bed. Yeah! He actually wants to hold my hand and tell me pretty things and I’m just so sorry that he never had the desire to do any of that with the likes of you!” You give her one last look before shrugging a bit, even your fake smile completely ridden from your face. “Actually, I’m not sorry at all.”

Hana looks mortified, her friend group in the surrounding desks all watching the exchange now with wide eyes. You don’t even think any of them saw it coming when Hana got up from her seat and lunged towards you, swinging at your face. “You bitch!” She yells at you, her fist making contact with the area around your eye. You wince slightly but you refused to give her the satisfaction of a bigger reaction - you’d leave that for when you were alone. You move your hand up to touch the area, making sure none of her rings caught your skin and drew blood, but when your fingers came back clean, you just move your gaze back to her in disinterest.

“Are you done now?” You ask monotonously. You catch her fist clench again in your peripheral and prepare yourself for another hit because seemingly none of the other students were concerned with stopping the exchange. However, your professor finally walks in before Hana can even get another word out, and instead she’s told to take her seat as you swing back to face the front of the room in your own chair. The throbbing that half of your face was currently experiencing would have to wait an hour and twenty minutes to be addressed, you weren’t letting her win.

Thankfully, that was your last of two classes for the day, so you were able to head back to your dorm directly after. You throw your backpack down in the entryway and immediately head for your bathroom to assess the damages. “Fuck,” you whisper under your breath. The hour and a half was enough time for a proper bruise to start forming, and it wasn’t necessarily the prettiest of black eyes. You move a hand up to touch the area again, this time just the light pressure already putting you in horrid pain. With a defeated groan, you leave the bathroom and dig through your freezer for an ice pack to hold up to the area instead.

Settling yourself down on the couch, you decide the last thing you need is for Jaemin to see you like this. With a sigh, you open your phone and pull up your texts with him. Hey, just a heads up, I don’t have a lot of time to hang this week or make it to friend group lunches.

Jaemin’s reply is almost instantaneous. Is everything okay?

You frown at the message. You hated lying to your best friend, but explaining what was up would defeat the whole purpose of saying you couldn’t hang out anyways. Yep! You reply instead, thankful when Jaemin didn’t press any further. You’d give yourself a week to heal, and then you were sure makeup would be able to cover what little would be left of the bruising by then.

Those plans didn’t even last twenty-four hours. There was a knock on your door after classes on Wednesday and you figured it was your RA here to remind you not to leave your windows open while out at class with the chances of snow ever increasing. Though, when you lazily throw your door open, it’s your best friend on the other side. Your eyes go wide and you immediately move a hand up to cover the left half of your face where your black eye was still very much at its peak. “Jaemin, what are you doing here?!” You ask in a rush, but he doesn’t match your demeanor at all.

Instead, he shrugs, a light smile painting his lips. “I missed you, angel-” He answers as he brings a hand up to your wrist and gently guides your own hand down away from your face…and that’s when his energy completely flips, eyes going wide as he rushes to place a hand on your cheek and assess the damage himself. “Oh my god, what happened to you?!” He asks in a panic. You shake your head adamantly, trying to move his hand away from your face as you reply with a serious bite.

“Nothing, it’s fine,” you reply dismissively, and Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow as he scans your entire face.

“Is this why you said you couldn’t hang out?” He asks, almost mad if you had to put an emotion on it.

You shake your head, dropping your gaze to face the floor. “Jaem, don’t worry about it-” You start indifferently, but he cuts you off with enough emotion for the both of you.

“What happened?” He questions again, this time his tone much firmer than any of his previous questions. His gaze bore into you, and you knew there wasn’t any getting out of this. You let out an annoyed sigh, shrugging like it was nothing as you go to reply.

“This girl in my class found out we were dating, and apparently that pissed her off because she didn’t think I deserved you or I was taking her spot and all that. And I snapped back so she punched me,” you finally answer, and Jaemin’s body language immediately softens as he looks over you once more with a frown and wide eyes.

“Y/n…” You don’t want to deal with his sorry tone. Instead, you move to meet his gaze again as you shake your head, the frustrated tears in your eyes rather revealing themself in your fractured tone.

“Please just sleep with her, Jaem. Tell her we broke up or something and then sleep with her. Or pretend you’re cheating on me with her…she’d love that, and no one would believe her if she said so, so we keep our cover,” you suggest in a rush, and Jaemin looks at you as though you just committed murder.

“No. Absolutely not,” he replies instantly.

“Jaem-” You start through a defeated exhale, but hearing you out was currently the last thing on Jaemin’s mind.

“I’m not fucking sleeping with someone who hurt you,” he states with force, and you don’t know why this is such a big deal to him, not when the solution was this simple.

“I would just rather have her satisfied and dealt with,” you respond hollowly, and Jaemin actually lets out a laugh.

“Oh, I’ll be sure to deal with her, don’t worry.” His angry promise makes you sigh, and all you can do is respond in defeat.

“Jaem-” You begin, and you’re not given any time to decide how you want to continue as he cuts you off. Passion still courses through Jaemin’s body as he shakes his head, taking a break from clenching his jaw to speak again.

“She should know better than to lay a hand on my girl,” he argues, and now you absolutely know you need to get him to calm down.

“I’m not really your girl,” you state plainly, and if you weren’t already feeling deflated, you sure did now as you admitted that. Jaemin seems to react to your statement in much the same way, his features softening for a moment as he looked at you again, bringing a hand up to run through his hair in frustration; though this time, the frustration was aimed towards himself.

“I- I know. I’m sorry, I never should have asked you to do this for me. I was so selfish, goddammit,” he rambles under his breath absentmindedly as he begins to pace back and forth. You shake your head softly, reaching out to catch Jaemin’s wrist and force his movements to still.

“It’s fine, handsome,” you state firmly, and you watch as a million emotions run over Jaemin’s face, him just sucking on his bottom lip in hesitation. The hand that was previously caught in your grip comes up to cup your cheek again, his thumb lightly grazing your bruise as he studies you with a sad look on his face.

“No, angel,” he begins with a sigh. “It’s really not.”

You falter under his soft gaze and sure words, shaking your head as you fumble for words of your own. “It will be fine, then. Just let me lay low for a bit. I probably won’t be at lunch on Friday…I don’t necessarily need your friends seeing me beat up like this,” you try and laugh off.

Jaemin looks at you quizzically. “They wouldn’t-” He begins, but you cut him off with pleading eyes.

“Jaem, please,” you counter, and he just nods his head solemnly.

“Okay.” He lets out a breath before darting his gaze around from you to the rest of the living area, locking eyes with your backpack and giving him a reason to stay in your presence for a bit longer. “Can we do homework together?” He asks, and you lightly sigh as you nod your head, guiding his hand down from your cheek so you could instead head towards the couch and set everything up on the coffee table for the two of you.

Your main distraction from homework came in the form of whatever was on the television. Jaemin’s main distraction came in the form of you; he could hardly finish one part of an assignment without turning his head to look over at you, chewing on his bottom lip as he studied you softly, then whipping his gaze back to his laptop before you could ever feel his eyes on you. It was the least productive he's ever been.

Friday was the next time you saw Jaemin, when he came over as per usual for your ‘date nights.’ However, with you missing the friend group lunch for the second time this week, he immediately greeted you with a related request. “Hey, the guys miss you. They wanted to know if you were down for a movie night tomorrow,” he says casually as he closes the door behind him.

You turn to face him with a straight face. “Jaem, my black eye isn’t going to be-” You watch as Jaemin rolls his lips inward and dodges your eye contact, and all you can do is let out a heavy sigh. “You told them, didn’t you?” You ask instead, and Jaemin’s hidden lips reappear to form a weak don’t-be-mad grin. That is, until he meets your eyes again and lets out his own sigh, shrugging his shoulders as he resets his facial expression to something more casual again.

“They wanted to know where you were,” he says in defense. You watch as the memory of lunch replays behind his eyes and he tilts his head slightly as he looks at you with an anticipatory cringe in how you were going to respond as he continues. “…and now they’re all pissed and want to be there to make you feel better, too,” he finishes with a dorky smile, as though his full set of teeth would fix everything. Unfortunately, he was right about that, and all you can manage is a huff of laughter as you shake your head.

“Oh my. Sure, we can have a movie night,” you give in with a smile, and Jaemin lights up before pulling out his phone to text the group that the plans for tomorrow are a go. Then, your Friday night with Jaemin consisted of a large pizza, red wine, and board games.

That Saturday night, Jaemin came to pick you up and take you back to his apartment where the movie night was being held, insisting that Haechan could hold down fort as he came to pick you up…and that no boyfriend would let his girlfriend drive herself over to his place when he had a perfectly good truck and an excuse to kiss you under the porch light before joining all the guys; you told him he was an idiot, but he met that with a kiss on your cheek, claiming that you were the idiot for not taking a free kiss under the porch light with the Na Jaemin…a low blow considering the reason behind your bruising eye.

When you step inside his apartment, the rest of the guys silence mid-conversation, instead turning all of their attention to you. Their shoulders drop as your black eye comes into the light. Embarrassment flushes your cheeks as you turn into Jaemin’s chest, and he wraps his arms around you lightly with a warm laugh, kissing the top of your head before turning his attention to his friends. “I’m pretty sure you guys promised me you would be chill about this if she came over,” he states playfully, causing the rest of them to drop their heads with a small laugh of their own.

“Our fault for caring about her,” Jeno banters back, and all you can do is sigh and pull away from Jaemin’s chest, facing the rest of the group again. He was right, not about it being their fault, but for the fact that their frowns just meant they cared about you, and it wasn’t like you didn’t feel the same way towards them - you’d frown, too if one of them walked in battered and bruised.

You roll your eyes playfully with a mellow shake of your head. “It’s fine. I’m fine,” you assure, turning your gaze to Jaemin before tossing your head side to side with a small smirk. “Besides, I’d say Jaem’s worth a punch or two.” The guys in front of you laugh but Jaemin furrows his brows.

“Or two?” He echoes worriedly, making you turn to him again with a soft, sure gaze.

“One,” you promise him and watch as a bit of relief washes over his figure, nodding his head as he takes it in.

“Um, you guys wanna watch Transformers?” Jisung speaks up awkwardly, shattering whatever tension you and Jaemin just created and instead making everyone chuckle.

Mark whips his head over to Jisung. “I thought we were watching Spider-Man…?” He adds sulkily. Jisung’s jaw drops, because apparently he had been looking forward to a Transformers marathon nonstop since the plans were made; but Chenle cuts off any chance of a response from him, instead just shaking his head rapidly.

“It doesn’t matter. Just choose anything before they take the pause in activity to make out,” he says as though he were horrified by the possibility, and Renjun lets out a sure laugh as he places a hand on Chenle’s shoulder.

“Still traumatized by the pda you asked for at that first lunch?” He asks, and Chenle looks at him with wide eyes.

“Can you blame me? So, they’re in a relationship…that’s great. Slightly cringe, but whatever. You know what’s not cringe? Spider-Man.”

“The Transformers!” Jisung corrects adamantly, getting everyone to laugh again.

“Sure, the Transformers,” Chenle agrees automatically, and Haechan rolls his eyes with a soft smile as he moves to set up the TV.

The eight of you got situated before another beat could pass. Mark on the recliner, Chenle and Jisung on the small couch, and then you, Jaemin, Jeno, Haechan, and Renjun taking up the big couch in the middle of the room. You cuddled easily into Jaemin as he threw an arm around your shoulder, his fingers lightly tracing patterns on the side of your arm.

For the group of you typically being a mess of chaos when you were all together, the eight of you somehow all followed the same unspoken rules when it came to movie night. There was no talking and, surprisingly, no one distracted by their phone. However, the peace of the perfect movie night was broken maybe twenty minutes into the first movie, when a chill ran through your body and the resulting shiver didn’t go unnoticed. “Do you want a blanket, y/n?” Mark asks softly. All at once, the guys whipped their heads towards him, furrowed brows adding to their glares at his disruption. That is, until it registers for them what Mark just asked, and all their gazes soften as they draw their attention to you in wait for your answer, Haechan pausing the movie entirely.

You let out a laugh under your breath, shaking your head at Mark with a grateful smile. “No, I’m okay,” you say quickly, trying to get everyone’s focus back on the movie because one shiver was not enough reason for concern. The guys all flash their eyebrows at your answer, immediately accepting it as they turn their attention back to the movie.

It isn’t long though before you shiver again, and while your attempt to cover it up was stellar, it wasn’t enough to get past the man holding you in his arms. Jaemin leans down so his lips are by your ear. “Go put on one of my hoodies,” he whispers slowly.

You shake your head minimally in response, eyes still trained on the Transformers. “I’m okay-” Your whispered words are cut off when the movie pauses, and you whip your head over to face Jaemin now, remote in hand and raised brows as he stares back at you seriously. A chorus of complaints erupt from the rest of the guys but Jaemin is only focused on you, and you can’t do anything but let out a light sigh. “Are you sure?” You ask, and Jaemin’s brows go from raised to furrowed.

“Am I sure? Of course I’m sure. You’re my girlfriend. Please go dig through my closet and wear my clothes,” he replies firmly, nodding his head now in the direction of his bedroom. You dodge any further eye contact with him as you instead slip out of his arms and towards his room. You don’t spend too much time in there, more than aware that they were all still waiting on you before unpausing the movie. You throw on the first hoodie you see, trying to ignore how much it smelled like him - how comforting it was to be wrapped in that scent.

You put on a straight face as you walk back out to the living room, though you begin to think it was unnecessary considering their reactions, or- Jaemin’s, at least. He immediately broke from the idle chatter he was having with Jeno as he instead locked his gaze on you, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. You fall shy under his gaze, looking around at the rest of the guys to see if you missed something before accepting the fact that it was just Jaemin who had the answers. “What?” You ask hesitantly, and it forces Jaemin to snap back to reality and collect himself.

He lets out something of a defeated laugh, shaking his head as he concludes his look up and down your body. “You should’ve been swimming in my hoodies for the past two months already,” he answers seriously, and suddenly your cheeks are on fire. You hide your face in your hands and the rest of the guys let fond grins paint their face at the interaction between the two of you. That was the first time it truly hit all of them that they were each about to lose $100 soon. Though it was hard for them to even be mad about it, because in everyone’s eyes but your own, Jaemin was whipped, and that was all they ever wanted for their best friend.

The group got through three movies before everyone started fading, eyelids feeling heavier by the minute. Renjun was the one to turn the lamp on at the side table beside him, putting everyone on the same page as they all got up from their seats and started getting ready to leave. Chenle is the first to say his goodbyes and head for the door, but as he places his hand on the knob, he whips back around. “Oh, wait!” He starts, louder than any of you were prepared for as you stare back at him in question. He shakes his head, the volume of his voice apparently even getting to him, but then he looks back at you all seriously. “I’m having my big New Year’s Eve party again. You’re all invited, obviously. I don’t know anyone’s plans after finals week, so I figured I’d just tell you now before we’re all in different places - if you wind up back at NCIT by December 31st, I’d love to have you, and if you wind up back at NCIT even earlier than that, please please please please please-”

“Chenle,” you all cut him off in unison, and he gives an awkward laugh.

“Please consider helping set up,” he says flusteredly. You all let out fond chuckles as you nod your head at the boy, and he lets a wide smile grace his features before finally opening the door and leaving with a soft ‘thank you.’

Dropping you off at your dorm, Jaemin fumbles for words before you can even open the door back to your place, and you turn around to pin all your attention on him instead as he speaks up awkwardly. “Uh- about Chenle’s party…”

“Yes, I’ll go. We said that would be our last day together so we might as well be…together,” you say, and Jaemin nods his head slowly.

“Okay; and for next weekend…?” He leaves the question at that and that’s when you realize you truly hadn’t given him much to plan with yet. You shake your head with a small laugh.

“We’ll leave Saturday morning for my parents’ house. I have finals up until Friday anyways. The big dinner you have to be there for is Saturday night, so you can do whatever you would like with your break after that.”

Jaemin processes the information with a distant expression before pulling it into a smile. “Alright, angel. Good luck with finals next week. I’ll be ready to go Saturday morning,” he says happily, and all you can do is match his smile.

“Good luck on your finals, too-” You start, but as you move to wrap him in one last hug, you catch sight of the hoodie covering your arms and jump back. “Oh! I’m still wearing your hoodie. Sorry-” You speak in a rush as you work to try and slip out of it, but Jaemin shakes his head.

“Don’t worry. Keep it,” he responds seriously, making you whip your head up at him and causing him to laugh. “It would be really suspicious if I came back home with the hoodie that I just said you looked cute in, and I’m not taking any chances with us so close to the three month mark now. Just don’t lose it…it’s my favorite hoodie.”

You let out a flustered laugh. “Well, are you sure you don’t want it back, then? Haechan is probably asleep already-” You reason as you start pulling one arm out of the hoodie again.

“Just keep it,” he cuts you off with a warm chuckle before continuing more somberly. “Our three months are almost up. I’ll get it back in no time.” If the words were bitter on his tongue, you didn’t notice. You were too preoccupied trying to neutralize your own emotions at the notion of this all ending soon.

You’re scared your voice would betray you if you opened your mouth again to speak, so instead you just nod your head, finally wrapping him in that goodbye hug and then turning to let yourself into your dorm.

Finals week somehow went by in a flash, and you’re scared to add up how many hours of it you spent in Jaemin’s hoodie. Though, the atypical schedule meant that you didn’t really have to worry about that - you only ever ran into Jaemin on campus for friend group lunches, and those were canceled this week since half of you would be in the middle of finals during the usual span of time; so, Jaemin never had to find out that you were practically living in the very same hoodie you had tried so hard to give back originally.

Come Saturday morning, that hoodie was packed with all of your other clothes in your suitcase, currently in the trunk of your car as you drive over to pick Jaemin up before heading to your house. He places his luggage next to yours before opening the passenger door and sliding in. “Hey, angel! Ready to pull all this off for your parents, too?” He asks with a devious smirk. You roll your eyes, trying to buy into the playfulness to forget about the dread filling your system at the idea of heading back home right now.

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Thank you again for agreeing to this,” you say seriously, and Jaemin looks at you as though you were crazy.

“Of course I’d agree to do this. Do you realize how much you’re doing for me?” He banters back, effectively getting you to laugh a bit as the tension in your shoulders drops. “Besides,” he continues more thoughtfully. “It’ll be nice to see our hometown again.” His words are much more mellow this time, and you look over at him with a sad grimace before shifting into drive and actually getting out on the road.

As soon as Jaemin went to college, his family moved to Jeju Island, and for as often as the two of you talked about traveling there one day, it was much less exciting of an idea when it was already Jaemin’s home base and it’d just be you traveling to visit him. Even outside of that, you knew he missed the city - moving away from everything you know is only nice if it’s your choice, and moving to Jeju was definitely not his choice.

It’s not like his relationship with his parents was impacted, though. He understood, and was very appreciative of the fact that they held out on the move until he graduated high school. Truly, if they were wanting to move, this was the time to do it. He’d graduate college and get his own place wherever he wanted; it’s just that now his place to go back to was Jeju rather than Seoul.

On the other hand, your family stayed put in the same house from childhood, but your relationship had gone through rough waters since you started college; something not even Jaemin knew, and now you were wondering how oblivious you could keep him of your current home-situation.

The verdict was ‘not very long.’ As soon as the two of you walked in your front door, your parents seemed shocked to be laying eyes on Jaemin with you. You push past them and towards your bedroom to put your stuff down, sending just a meek ‘hi’ their way. Jaemin watched you disappear with ample confusion, but his face quickly straightened up into a smile as he greeted your parents with hugs and gratitude for having him over.

Your mom pulls back from the hug with a look of disbelief, shaking her head solemnly. “Jaemin, it’s wonderful to see you. I apologize for not having a space set up for you to stay. To be honest, when y/n said she was bringing a guest home, the last thing we were expecting was for it to be a guy,” she laughs off, and Jaemin’s eyebrows immediately furrow. Your own muscles tighten as you move to close your bedroom door, deciding that was already enough for you to hear.

“Why?” Jaemin asks in return, trying to match the laugh from your mom, though his was half-hearted at best.

Your mom shrugs it off like it’s nothing new. “Well, you know our y/n…doesn't exactly have a lot going for her-”

“Y/n’s gorgeous, actually,” Jaemin cuts off with force, now taking a full step back from your mom and causing her hand to drop from where it was still at his forearm. “And sure, she has her guard up most of the time but that doesn’t change the fact that once she’s comfortable enough to be herself, she’s incredibly easy to love,” he continues, brows furrowed as he makes sure to get his point across.

Your mom passes her gaze from Jaemin to her husband, taking a moment to exchange strange smiles with him before turning back to Jaemin. “Sorry, I seem to have offended you. I didn’t know you cared about my daughter that much.” She speaks every word as though she’s only half serious, and all it does is frustrate Jaemin even more.

“Of course I care about her but that’s not even the point. You shouldn’t be saying that about your child and you used to know that, cause you never said anything like that when we were growing up. So, I don’t know what changed but I can tell you it wasn’t the worth of your daughter.” Setting all your stuff down, you open your bedroom door enough to catch his last sentence and immediately let out a heavy sigh, knowing you had to go out there and do something.

“Jaem?” You start, walking back out from the hallway. His face instantly changes from disgust to warmth as he snaps his head in your direction.

“Yeah, angel?”

You nod your head back towards where you just came from. “My room is still the same one it’s always been. Since we’re apparently bunking together, if you want to go put your stuff in there so you’re not carrying it around throughout the house, you know where to go,” you say casually, trying to make it seem as though the sleeping arrangements were all you caught of his conversation with your mom.

Jaemin nods with a tight smile. “Alright, I’ll be back in a second,” he says, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head as he passes you in his walk to your room and you take his place with your parents in the living room. You and your mom both watch as your dad looks between the two of you before immediately leaving to go outside, shaking his head as he does so and leaving just you, your mom, and the suffocating tension in the room.

You drop your head to face the floor and your mom is the first one to speak. “I didn’t know he liked you,” she says plainly, eyes darting towards the room Jaemin was currently in before landing on you again, your head now whipped up to face her with raised brows.

“Didn’t know he liked me or didn’t think I was capable of having him like me?” You ask in return, and your mom falters for a moment.

“Y/n…” She starts, but you shake your head.

“Am I good enough now? Is this enough for you? That I brought an attractive guy home who cares about me? Are you even the tiniest bit proud of me now?” The fire in your eyes soon matches that of your mother’s, her disproving gaze that you knew so well baring into you.

“Y/n, that’s not fair and you know that,” she counters, her voice raising with every word.

Your jaw drops as you look at her in disbelief. “What’s not fair is you judging me by the man I do or do not have to hold my hand at any given time.” You’re thankful when the words come out firm; you’ve never stood up to her like this, and when your mom studies you with intensity, it’s as though she doesn’t know the woman in front of her this time.

“Well,” she breathes out, bringing her gaze back to your own. “Being with him has apparently given you some confidence…or a voice, at least.” Her tone borders between indifference and slight disgust, and all you can do is shake your head, unsure of how your relationship with your mom ever turned into this.

“I refuse to believe that you find an issue in the fact that he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world,” you say in almost a plea for her to tell you it’s not true, but she never does; instead, it’s just Jaemin’s breath hitching in the hallway that he tries to cover up so you wouldn’t know he was listening. When neither you nor your mom turn your heads towards him, he realizes he was still under the radar. So, he prepares himself to walk back into the living room as though he just got done putting everything away in yours.

When he gets back by your side, he lightly kisses your temple, turning to face your mom as he sneaks a hand to rest on the small of your back; your mom stares at the physical contact and you think her eye actually twitches. Jaemin opens his mouth to start casual conversation back up but your mom cuts him off before he can even begin. “Your father and I are going out for the day. We will be back to cook dinner,” she states, and your eyebrows furrow immediately.

“You haven’t seen Jaemin in years and you’re just gonna leave right when he gets here?” You ask in shock, and your mom glares back at you.

“Dinner,” she replies sharply, and then she’s out the door.

Jaemin’s hand on your back begins to rub lightly up and down, and as you turn to bury your face in his chest, he wraps you in a full hug. “I’m sorry,” you mumble out, and Jaemin shakes his head. With one hand, he lightly guides your chin up so that you make eye contact with him, a soft smile on his face as he looks down at you.

“Nothing to be sorry for, angel. It’s all okay. How about we just watch TV or something, go outside maybe…what’s gonna destress you?” He asks, his hand that was underneath your chin maneuvering to instead caress your cheek.

You shrug, doing your best to dodge eye contact as you reply. “Anything in your presence,” you say seriously, missing the way warmth just reached every corner of Jaemin’s being at your words.

“Okay,” he responds surely, and that’s how you found yourself walking the streets of your hometown, hand-in-hand with Na Jaemin. You visited his old house, the old playground, anywhere you could before the cold air finally caught up to you and you had to retreat back inside for some hot chocolate and more Harry Potter from your last unfinished rewatch session.

Jaemin never brought up the obvious tension between you and your mom, something you were thankful for, but it also left you feeling guilty because you knew it was on his mind - the equation of where things went wrong between you and your mom after he left Seoul was continuously being worked out behind his eyes. When you explained this part of the fake-dating contract, he wasn’t expecting for your parents to actually be on your ass about not dating anyone, but stepping into this house was like a minefield, and any conversation around the topic turned into an explosion.

He wasn’t gonna make you talk about it though, you obviously weren’t ready to. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around you as best he could, making sure you and your cocoa were always kept warm throughout the duration of your latest movie marathon.

Surprising you, when it was finally dinnertime, the atmosphere was lighter by the tiniest bit. Your parents were engaging with Jaemin, at least, and the presence of other long-time family friends put you at ease, too, because you knew a big fiasco is the last thing your parents would allow to happen in front of others.

“Are you staying with us all of break?” Your mom asks as she puts her fork down and places all of her attention on Jaemin. He gives a sorry grin in return as he shakes his head.

“No,” he begins, and your face immediately drops, forcing you to take another bite so it’s less noticeable. “I was thinking I would surprise my parents. I haven’t seen them since the summer, and I figure that means it’s time to fly out and see them again,” he continues with a light laugh. “Though, when y/n asked me to come back with her for this dinner, I- well,” he drags off, taking a moment to turn and face you at his side, a fond smirk on his lips before he turns his head back to face his lap before you can notice. “I realize I’ve gotten incredibly bad at saying ‘no’ to her,” he finishes, his own light chuckle following his words.

Gazes soften all around the table as they listen to Jaemin, but you can’t bring your head up to look at him, sure the look in your eyes would give away how desperately you were wishing for those words to be real.

Your dad is the one to pick up the conversation again. “Well, we’ll be sad to see you go so soon, but it’s sure been a pleasure having you fill our house again,” he says with a tight nod that Jaemin reflects back to him, slightly softer in his perfect Jaemin way.

That night, you and Jaemin went to bed before the rest of the adults did, but they had the advantage of alcohol to keep them occupied, and while that option was technically open to you and Jaemin, you both decided it would probably be best to stay under the label of ‘innocent youth’ with your parents and family friends.

You walk back into your bedroom after washing your face and putting on pajamas to see Jaemin already laying down. You trace his outline underneath the covers and sigh when you realize how little room was left in your full size bed. You slip under the covers and begin to turn on your side so you could take up the smallest space possible, but Jaemin evidently has other plans as he reaches over and pulls you so that you’re laying against his chest. “What are you doing?” You ask, propping your head up on his chest as you stare at him in confusion.

He looks back at you as though there were no need for the question, his smirk playing lazily against his lips. “If you’re going to end up on top of me anyways, I’d rather just hold you there,” he replies, and all at once you’re vividly reminded of Halloween night. You don’t argue back, instead just rolling your eyes and resting your head back against his chest as you try to hide most of the blush on your cheeks.

Jaemin idly draws shapes on your back as he watches you fall asleep on him. He swallows awkwardly, remembering what your mother said about you…what you said to your mother, and a kind of frustration fills his chest. He listens for any signal that you were still awake, and when he finds none, he presses the lightest kiss to the top of your head. “You’re so beautiful, y/n,” he whispers. His mortification comes when he feels you tense under his hold.

“You don’t have to pretend when it’s just us, you know,” you whisper back, and his heart breaks in his chest. His tone is firm as he replies, because if you were going to be awake to hear him say that, he might as well get his point across.

“Some stuff I never had to pretend for. Some stuff is just a fact.”

You let out a heavy sigh, flipping which way your head was facing on his chest before speaking softly. “Go to bed, Jaemin,” you say, and he doesn’t quite know what to do with the feeling of defeat that arose knowing you don’t believe him. He thinks about saying more but he figures now is not the time for it…that in your friendship, it may not ever be the time for it. So, he lets out his own light sigh, his grip around you going slightly tighter as he gets to work on actually falling asleep.

The next day, all you really had time for was breakfast before you had to drive Jaemin to the airport. As you pull up to the curb for departures, Jaemin doesn’t even think twice before leaning over the center console to press a soft kiss to your cheek. “Thank you for dropping me off,” he says sincerely amidst the rustling of him gathering his bags from various spaces of your car. You laugh as you open your own door, sliding around to the back of your car to pop the trunk and grab his suitcase.

“I’m coming inside with you, you know?” You tease lightly, missing the way Jaemin’s eyes soften at the care before he quickly vetoes your carrying of his luggage and rips his suitcase from your grip, causing you to laugh some more as you turn to face him now at your side. “But, of course, it was no problem,” you say genuinely, stepping inside the airport with him and too quickly facing the security checkpoint where you’d finally have to split. “Have a safe flight,” you continue, and with each word he’s now taking a step further than you dare to. “Tell your family I said ‘hi.’”

Jaemin looks over his shoulder to smile back at you. “I will,” he promises firmly with a matching nod, and you throw a grin and final wave his way as he turns back to actually face where he was walking towards the entrance for security. As soon as you’re out of his line of sight, you allow your face to drop slightly alongside your gaze, letting out a light sigh at the feeling of him walking away from you. However, your attention is caught by the increasingly loud sound of heavy footsteps. You shift your gaze back in front of you to see Jaemin had changed his path and was instead heading straight for you again.

“Jaemin-?” You question, but you’re cut off the second he gets close to you because he wastes no time in dropping his bags, cupping your cheek with his hand, and pressing a sure kiss to your lips. You melted right into it, something you would have to kick yourself for later, but at the present moment, all you could think about was his soft lips still lingering against yours.

“I’ll see you in a week, okay?” He says in a near-whisper. His words weren’t so much a statement as they were a reassurance, like he needed you to know that all you had to bear without him was a single week, like he intended to never leave you again once he came back. All you can do is swallow awkwardly, nodding as you look up at him through your lashes.

“Yeah.”

Jaemin’s gaze roamed over your entire figure as best it could with the two of you still in close proximity. You wanted to press up on your tiptoes and kiss him again for the hell of it, or maybe for the comfort of it, but Jaemin is the one to take action first, simply running his thumb gently across your cheek with a small smile before immediately turning to grab his bags and actually make his way through the security checkpoint. All you can do is stand and watch helplessly as he walks away from you. You’d see him in a week, sure, but then it’d be New Years before you knew it and all of this would slip right out of your hands…it practically already had.

You were back at NCIT before Christmas, trading in family-time for time with Chenle, who was the only other one of your friends on campus for most of that duration. He tried to pretend that he needed to meet up with you to talk about plans for his New Year’s Eve party, but most of it was just excuses to hang out when he got lonely. One by one, the guys all made their way back to NCIT, Jaemin being the last to do so, coming in on the evening flight December 26th.

You had brought Chenle with you to go pick him up, mainly because Chenle begged you to let him tag along. The two of you stood at the baggage claim for maybe fifteen minutes, Jaemin’s hoodie adorning your figure and providing you with comfort amidst Chenle’s constant nagging that you guys should have brought a sign saying that Jaemin was coming back from prison or something else more embarrassing.

The baggage claim carousel had already begun spinning for Jaemin’s flight, and eventually even Chenle stops talking to instead join you in a frown as the two of you search for Jaemin. The verdict was that he must have just been the last person off the plane, because around five minutes later, you catch sight of his figure. “There he is- what’s he doing?” You ask confused as you look at Jaemin speed in your direction.

“Running towards you,” Chenle answers as if it were the most casual occurrence ever. He tosses his gaze over to you with raised eyebrows before continuing. “And I think you should probably start running towards him unless you’re prepared to catch his weight, cause I’m pretty sure he’s ready to jump on you.”

Your eyes go wide at his words as you shake your head. “God, having a lunatic boyfriend is a lot of work,” you respond, feigning exhaustion. Chenle throws his arms up in defense.

“Hey, you chose him, not me,” he quips, making you smile before realizing you really had to start on your run towards him, because of all the things you were prepared for, catching Jaemin’s weight was not one of them.

You take off from where you and Chenle were standing, running up and meeting Jaemin somewhere in the middle as he lets go of his carry-on and puts his arms out for you. “Jaem!” You exclaim, jumping into his arms and wrapping around him like a koala.

“Angel!” He replies just as enthusiastically; hugging you tightly and spinning around once with the momentum.

“Chenle’s here so you have to kiss me,” you whisper in a rush, cupping his cheek with your hand as Jaemin steadies himself again.

He lets out a genuine laugh, catching your gaze with the brightest of smiles in his eyes. “Well, I wasn’t gonna run all this way towards you for nothing,” he says surely. Then he presses his lips to yours, and the resulting warmth in your body should’ve made the snow outside impossible.

Jaemin breaks away from you when he feels a tug on his shirt sleeve, and the two of you turn to make eye contact with Chenle. “You’re being cringe now, can you please take me home?” He asks plainly, making you and Jaemin laugh as he puts you down on the solid ground again, slipping his hand in yours as the next best option. Then, after making sure Jaemin had all of his things, the three of you were on the road back to NCIT.

The next day, Jaemin and the guys went out for lunch, one you weren’t invited to because it was one you “couldn’t know about.” Sitting around the table in a perfect reflection of the start of the semester, the guys around Jaemin all wore a mixture of looks on their faces, ranging from impressed to sulky…though that last one was only Chenle, who despite having the most money in the group, hated giving it out.

Mark is the one to finally address the reason they were all there. “Well, you did it. I’m sure we don’t need to be the ones to tell you that you’ve been dating y/n for three whole months now,” he says with a light laugh. Jaemin can’t bring himself to join in on the smiles and playfulness around the table.

“I can’t believe it’s been three months already,” he says hollowly, but both his tone and the distant look in his eyes go unnoticed by his friends, their tunnel vision on their childish bet covering over Jaemin’s anguish at winning.

“Here’s your $600,” Haechan says after having collected everyone’s shares from around the table. “Can't wait to have a new PS5 in our apartment,” he quips, but Jaemin whips his head up at him, grabbing the $600 from his hands defensively.

“I’m not spending it on a PS5…” He begins, dragging off as the fire dies from his tone and he returns to a contemplative state of being. “I’m gonna buy y/n something nice.”

Gasps are heard from quite literally everyone else at the table, all of them looking at Jaemin with wide eyes. “Really?” Jeno asks in disbelief, and Jaemin makes passing eye contact with all of his friends, giving them all odd looks for being so caught off guard.

“Yes, really. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me, and I don’t know how to give her the world, but I can at least get her the best that $600 will buy,” he explains surely, and the rest of the guys all exchange glances with each other before turning back to him, Renjun being the one to take a jab this time through a hesitant laugh.

“Are we still talking to Na Jaemin?” He asks, making the rest of the guys laugh as well. Jaemin just lets out a sigh, finally able to find a bit of humor as well as he shakes his head, tucking the money away and turning the afternoon into a regular lunch hang out.

Two days later, you get a call from Jaemin sometime after dinner.

“Angel?” He says softly once you pick up, his tone making you smile on the other end.

“Yeah, handsome?” You respond warmly.

“Wanna go on a drive?” Jaemin asks, giving away no hints as to his current state of emotions, and your eyebrows furrow as you pry more.

“No destination?” You ask, and Jaemin shakes his head, not that you were able to see it anyways. His response is sharp.

“No.”

“Everything okay?” You question, the warmth in your tone turning into concern.

“Yeah,” Jaemin responds immediately. You let a beat pass in silence and it’s enough for Jaemin to want to fill it again on his own. “Just want some more time with you,” he explains shyly, and you let out a small breath of laughter as you oblige.

“Let me get my shoes on.”

“I’ll be there to pick you up in five,” he replies firmly before immediately hanging up.

True to his word, it only took five minutes before you’re opening the door to Jaemin. “Hey,” he says as soon as you make eye contact, leaning down to press a quick kiss to your cheek.

“Hey,” you reply, your face hurting as you try not to smile too widely at his actions. Jaemin wouldn’t have noticed if you did, though, because he immediately turns to face the floor sheepishly.

“Sorry if you were in the middle of something,” he finally says, making you furrow your brows at him - this wasn’t a Jaemin you were used to.

“Nothing that couldn’t wait,” you assure him before prying some more. “What’s up?”

Jaemin pulls his bottom lip between his teeth as he shakes his head hesitantly. “Nothing. It’s just our last few days together. Figured we could hang out before you go off and get an actual boyfriend and I-” You watch as he fumbles for words, eventually giving up with a shrug as he finally makes eye contact with you again. “Go back to doing whatever it is I do.”

His answer doesn’t relieve you of any worry, and you move a hand up to cup his cheek as you tilt your head in study of him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Jaemin nods his head slightly against your hand, a fond smile at your touch replacing the distant expression he previously held. “There’s just a lot on my mind. Nothing for you to worry about. Just wanted to hang out with you and kind of escape it all for a bit,” he explains casually, eventually bringing both hands up to guide your own back down from his face, idly playing with your fingers as he asks his next question. “Do you still like cloud watching?”

“You know I do,” you reply with a laugh, and Jaemin finally bares his teeth as he smiles back at you. He checks to make sure you actually did put your shoes on already before switching his grip so that he was just holding your hand as he walked the two of you to his truck.

You ended up at one of those nature parks, where the fields are preserved for fields-sake rather than playgrounds. The two of you got out and made your way around to the tailgate of his truck and you register that he already had blankets and pillows in the back, completely reminiscent of high school.

You both sat in silence for a while, staring up at the sky and giving yourselves a chance to be at peace, at least somewhere away from the false sense of urgency that always seemed to be around. Eventually, you move your gaze from the clouds above to where your arms were wrapped around your knees, debating with yourself before finally breaking the silence.

“Jaem?” You call softly, and he turns all of his attention towards you.

“Yeah, angel?” He replies in much the same manner. You dart your tongue out to lick your lips, anything you could do to prolong your question - which you were currently thinking should’ve lost in your inner debate.

You finally let out a sigh, still focused in front of you as you talk. “You know you’re much more than the image you’ve picked up around campus, right?”

Jaemin’s face immediately whips back to the front so there would be no chance of making eye contact with you. “Um…” He begins, but that was the only word he could come up with before forfeiting with an awkward swallow. You know that means it’s up to you to continue.

“I know that day I first met your friend group, you had to make up a ton of stuff on how we got together and everything, but I don’t know if you were necessarily lying when you were talking about how I deserve better than getting tied into your fuckboy image. I just- wanna make sure you know, in case that has ever been your thought process for anyone you’ve had a crush on, that there’s so many more sides to you than that. An image is an image, okay? Don’t let it get to you.” Your courage is built with every word and you finally turn to face Jaemin as you continue softly, surely. “They don’t know you like I do.”

Jaemin’s lips part with a heavy exhale before he rolls them inwards in hesitation. “Do you mean it?” He finally asks, and there’s just a trace of sadness riddling his voice.

“Of course I do,” you say firmly, and Jaemin takes in your answer with a slow nod.

“It’s been hard. I-” He grimaces before letting out an awkward laugh. “Oh, this is kind of weird to talk about with you,” he continues, making you laugh, too as the atmosphere lightens.

“Whatever,” you say, rolling your eyes playfully. “It’s me.”

Surprisingly, that seemed to do it, because the tension in Jaemin’s shoulders falls as he lets out a light sigh and finally finds his words for what seemed to be the first time that night. “I used to not care. If they wanted to label me as a fuckboy, that was fine. Truthfully, if I was getting my dick wet, I was good-” He cuts himself off at the sound of a slightly louder exhale than normal from you, and he whips his head your way with a pout. “Don’t laugh, I’m being vulnerable.”

You stare back at him with a fond smile on your face and raised brows. “I’m not laughing,” you assure, and Jaemin turns to face his knees again as he accepts your denial of the claim without a fight. Then he starts back up with his explanation, his tone heavy and contemplative.

“Lately though, I’ve just been thinking I want so much more out of life. But, I spent so long under the fuckboy label I didn’t know if I would ever be able to break free from it, if I could ever be more.”

Your gaze on him softens but your eyebrows furrow; there was something so weird about knowing he’s never viewed himself in the way you do. “Na Jaemin, you’ve always been more,” you respond firmly. The lightest of exhales escapes as laughter from Jaemin, and he lets a weak smile play at his lips before responding.

“And you’ve always felt like home…” He says, matching your tone as he finally turns to look at you again. “That’s another thing I wasn’t lying about that day.”

You immediately dodge eye contact, knowing it’d reveal to him in milliseconds your real emotions towards all of this…towards him. Probably against your better judgement as well, you lean into him at your side, resting your head against his shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I’ve had a nice three months with you,” you say, your own weak grin making an appearance.

“Yeah,” he agrees, wrapping his arm around you casually. “It hasn’t been too bad, has it?”

There it was, the reason you needed to snap out of it, because for Jaemin, it just wasn’t ‘too bad,’ and meanwhile you’ve been over the moon these past three months. You’d come to your senses eventually - remember that ‘breaking up’ was the plan all along, that the last thing Jaemin wanted was to be in an actual relationship, and that you were going to have to be as okay with that as ever. However, for now, you figured you’d just lean into him a bit more while you still can.

The next day saw all eight of you at Chenle’s place, helping him decorate and prepare for the big party, and then it was New Year’s Eve. Only you and Jaemin knew that it was your last night together before the ‘break up;’ and neither of you knew that the other didn’t want it to ever end, meaning when you placed Jaemin’s hoodie in his backseat as a way to return it before the party, you didn’t know the idea of giving it back nauseated him possibly more than it did you. As such, the air was tense and awkward between the two of you, trying to keep hidden how devastated you knew you were going to be at the end of the night, and too dumb to realize the best thing you could do is talk about it.

Hand-in-hand with Jaemin, the two of you join the rest of your friend group, already standing around in a circle somewhere on the outskirts of the set up dance floor. They greet the two of you with bright smiles, none of them plagued with the knowledge that their favorite relationship was ending tonight. However, with the eight of you chatting about anything imaginable, the night became incredibly casual, despite the overwhelming amount of people flooding in around you all.

Eventually, the group divides up, deciding a range of different activities sounded best for the time being. You ended up with Chenle and Jisung, the three of you indulging in the indoor s’mores kit that was set up. Jaemin never moved from where the big group of you originally were. Instead, he let the crowd all pass around him as he stayed focused on you, gaze aimed in your direction with a fond smile as he watched you interact with his friends.

The only thing to break him from his staring is when Mark taps him on the shoulder and hands him a cup of water. “Man, I hope you know you’ve turned into a completely different person,” he says as he does so, making Jaemin furrow his brows in question; though Mark shakes his head as though it were no big thing. “You got this glow about you that scares me, and the look in your eyes when you’re staring at her…I didn’t think I’d ever see that from you - you know, being so against relationships and everything,” he ends with a light laugh.

Jaemin drops his head, his own laugh escaping his lips. “It’s just what happens when you’ve found your person, I guess,” he replies seriously. “I mean, to me?” He begins, finally looking up at Mark in sincerity before throwing his gaze your way. “For her?” He shakes his head, his smile turning into a dumb grin on his face as he finally admits to what’s been on his mind for three months. “Everything’s worth it. All the risk, all the effort, I’d do anything for her.” He looks your way once more before his gaze turns distant and he lets a grimace slip across his features. “It just took being with her to make me realize…I want to believe in love,” he finally says, meeting Mark’s eyes once again.

Mark’s smile was painted widely across his face, though he stared at his best friend in something like disbelief. “Want to believe it? Jaemin, you’re in it,” he says firmly, and Jaemin immediately lets his gaze fall to his feet as he lets out a heavy sigh.

“It’s less scary than I thought it’d be,” he finally says, and Mark’s smile turns fond as he gets a glimpse at how his best friend operates. He puts on his best voice of comfort as he replies.

“You said it yourself, it’s what happens when you’ve found your person. You should tell her,” he says, tossing his head in your direction casually, but Jaemin’s muscles tense up.

“No, I can’t,” he says in a rush, and Mark lets out a laugh.

“From the one who says he isn’t scared,” he teases, but Jaemin shakes his head - it wasn’t that.

“I- it’s a weird situation,” he says, letting out a huff with his bad explanation. “I can’t tell her. Not tonight, anyways…she won’t want to hear that from me,” he concludes, dragging off miserably. Mark’s face completely flips as he stares at Jaemin quizzically.

“But- she looks at you the same way, you know?” He says surely, but Jaemin shakes his head again.

“No, that’s just how she looks at me. Even when we were in high school.” He takes a moment to pause, tongue darting out to wet his suddenly dry lips before continuing with conviction. “No, she doesn’t love me. Not like this,” he says, and then he’s walking away, leaving a very confused Mark standing there with parted lips.

“...I thought she’s liked you since high school,” he says under his breath now that he knew there was no way Jaemin would hear anyways. He looks between you and Jaemin before shaking his head - the last thing he needed on New Year’s Eve was to engage in overthinking.

You had just broken away from where you were talking with Chenle and Jisung to instead make your way over to the punch table. Grabbing yourself a glass, when arms wrap around you in a hug from behind, you know the only person it could be. “Hey, handsome,” you say with a smile, turning your head to the side to try and lay eyes on him.

“Hi, angel,” Jaemin replies, taking the opportunity to place a small kiss on your cheek before continuing. “Are we kissing at midnight or are we ending things before then? I’m not sure if you want to start the new year with me or not.” His tone borders on defeat, and you turn around in his arms to stare at him with raised eyebrows and a playful smirk.

“I’ll be your new year's kiss if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and Jaemin lets out a small chuckle. “Besides,” you continue more seriously. “Ending this doesn’t mean you aren’t still my best friend. You’ll be a part of my new year no matter what. We can kiss and just pretend that was our way to say ‘bye’ to dating, cause you know, I guess it will be.” For a moment that you always knew was coming, admitting its near occurrence now felt like you just had the wind knocked out of you. Jaemin just stares down at you with a wide grin, nodding his head along to your words in approval.

“Alright best friend, then I’ll make sure to find you again before midnight,” he replies, the entire thing making you swallow awkwardly as you nod your head back at him slightly.

“Yeah…” You respond in something like a whisper, and with one light kiss on your forehead, Jaemin vanishes again into the crowd.

The rest of the New Years party was a blast, no doubt, but the knowledge of what was coming, or more so ending, plagued your thoughts and eventually you just needed to slip away from the rest of the noise. You ended up on the balcony attached to some random bedroom, the cool air something of a relief for your current state.

The only pull back into reality was when the ever-present loudness turned into synchronized cheers, and you catch as the entire party starts counting down from fifteen seconds. You whip around to start on your rushed journey back inside, realizing you never told Jaemin where you would be; but as you turn, you make eye contact with him, just stepping onto the balcony himself, an easy smile crossing his features. “No need to rush. I told you I’d find you before midnight,” he says with a light laugh, and you drop your head with a small exhale as your own form of laughter. “Ready to say ‘bye’ to all this pretending?” He asks, stepping up to where he was directly in front of you.

No. “Yep,” you respond with the best fake smile you could. You already made it this far with no problems, you refused to let it slip that your heart was fully in this right when it was about to end.

Jaemin matched your smile, and as the crowd’s counting reached the ‘3, 2, 1,’ his hand came up to find its favorite spot at your cheek again. Then he leaned in and kissed you right as the party erupted with cheers of ‘Happy New Year.’

Your hands gripped tightly at his shirt, keeping you steady and keeping him close to you; though he wasn’t necessarily going anywhere with one hand cupping your cheek and the other placed firmly on your waist. Unlike any of your other kisses, this one…lingered. The two of you kept steady pace with each other, you gently sucking on his bottom lip and figuring for as long as he’d let this go on, you would take it for all it was worth, trying to pretend you could ever kiss him enough for a lifetime.

When you think he’s breaking away, you’re instead met with the feeling of his tongue running across your top lip, asking for permission - permission all too easily granted by you as you open your mouth to let him explore. Your New Year's kiss turned into a greedy make out session, which was probably the last thing you were expecting, but you couldn’t take the time to question it because you were too busy drowning in his taste. You loved the taste of Jaemin on your tongue, and his own soft moan - which he tried so desperately to cover up but that you still very much heard, let you know he was currently feeling the same way; and you’d mark that down as a tiny win in the midst of the huge loss you were about to incur.

Against your better judgement, you finally break away when you truly couldn’t breathe anymore, and Jaemin rests his forehead against yours. The air was just filled with the sound of panting as the two of you tried to catch your breaths. You swallow awkwardly once you do, taking a small step back as you process what just happened, Jaemin’s hand running down your body until you were no longer in reach. “You’re awfully good at ‘goodbye,’” you say in between breaths.

Jaemin immediately dodges your gaze, facing somewhere off to the side as his adam's apple bobs up and down. “I’ve had a lot of practice,” he responds quietly, to the point where you were practically just reading his lips, and then he’s gone, leaving you alone on the balcony to deal with your flooding emotions on your own…not that you could do so in his presence anyways.

You hated that it hurt this much - that a goodbye you knew was coming still seemed to blindside you. You had allowed your heart to indulge in his every romantic gesture, and while on the surface you knew they meant nothing, you held onto hope in some deep dark corner of your heart that maybe it wasn’t all just pretend; and yet here you were, grouped in with the vast category of girls he’s said ‘goodbye’ to in the way he knew all too well. You were his best friend but you were no one special, and you didn’t expect the resurgence of a fact that you already knew to affect you as much as it did - to make it feel as though you had been hollowed out, bones chilled from the empty space your soul used to occupy.

You and Jaemin weren’t in contact the entire first day of the new year, though you couldn’t complain because talking to him right away was not something you figured your heart could handle. Instead, you went to work out at the gym and run errands and all those other things people do when they’re single and making a point to say they’re okay with that. To be fair, it kind of worked. Not that you were okay with whatever you and Jaemin had gotten yourselves into coming to an end, but that day of productivity and endorphin-inducing activity helped you ground yourself - these past three months were you helping out your best friend, that was all it was ever supposed to be.

The next day was far less productive, but you were still functioning like normal. The only disruption from your typical daily routine came with a phone call from Haechan. As soon as you pick up, he starts speaking.

“Why did you go and break Jaemin’s heart all of the sudden?” He asks angrily.

You furrow your brows, though it wasn’t like he could see it anyways. “What do you mean? The breakup was mutual,” you counter in confusion, and Haechan lets out an actual ‘HA’ in disbelief before he replies with animosity.

“I need to know what the hell your definition of ‘mutual’ is because Jaemin hasn’t stopped crying for the past twenty-four hours.”

You think he’s kidding, like this is one last stupid test of whether your relationship ever added up - but you shake the idea away, he already got the money, it was a week past three months, there wasn’t anything for you to mess up now, the story you’ve been telling would work as it always had. “Crying? What? We both agreed we worked better as friends,” you reply instantly, confusion adequately painting your voice.

Haechan cannot believe his ears, and he makes sure to let you know so. For as much as you were confused, he didn’t understand why you were acting this way, ten fold. “No, I don’t believe you at all now. He wouldn’t agree on that. I don’t know how Jaemin talked to you, but he talked about you as though he’s never held anyone’s hand before until he held yours. Y/n, it was like you were the one to put every star in his night sky, I swear there’s no way this breakup was mutual.” Your whole world stops and you go speechless on the other end. Haechan was being dead serious, or else he wouldn’t be angry, he wouldn’t be pushing the subject. His words turn over and over again in your head. Jaemin talked about you, evidently when you weren’t around. You were fake-dating and yet Jaemin went out of his way to speak of you fondly to his friends. Jaemin, who never saw the point of getting romantically attached like that, doing more than what was needed in expressing his feelings about you. You push down the feeling of nausea and instead let out a deep sigh.

“I’ll be over in five minutes,” you say quietly, and then you hang up the phone before ever getting a reply from Haechan.

You race over to their apartment, and before you could even knock, Haechan is swinging the door open for you. The two of you make eye contact and about a million emotions pass between you, but it was easiest to pick up on the uncertainty. Haechan opens his mouth as if he’s about to bombard you with questions, or maybe yell at you again…you weren’t sure, but instead he just lets out a breath, nodding his head back in the direction of Jaemin’s room with a soft, “in there.”

You throw a thankful smile his way, not that you were necessarily guessing at where Jaemin could be, but you were very grateful he was letting you off so easily. Even by looking at Haechan, you could tell Jaemin had truly been crying for the past twenty-four hours…Haechan looked exhausted.

You lightly tap on the door of Jaemin’s room before entering, breath hitching as you lay eyes on his figure, curled up in a ball and clad in his favorite hoodie that you had given back - the hoodie he now knew you had lived in for the past few weeks because he already caught your own scent on it. Tears raced down his face, and he immediately turned away from you to hide them as he squeaked out choked words.

“Please go away,” he says, and reality hits you all at once. It wasn’t like you thought Haechan was lying, but now you truly had to face the fact that you were the cause of Jaemin’s tears; he wanted you to go away.

“Jaemin, I’m not going anywhere,” you say softly, shaking your head to emphasize the point. Though, as you do so, your gaze catches onto a gift bag on his dresser, a label with your name written on it in his stupid perfect handwriting.

You walk up to it, swallowing hesitantly as you turn your attention from the bag to Jaemin and back again. “What is this?” You finally ask. Jaemin shoots his gaze your way, not having previously realized what had caught your intrigue.

“Please don’t-” He rushes to say, but in the pause, you had already pulled out a diamond necklace, holding it gently between your shaking hands. You shake your head, eyes wide and jaw dropped as you’re unable to form a coherent thought. You turn back around to face him, your gaze darting every which way because you’re not sure you can confidently hold eye contact with him.

“Jaemin, what-? Why is this in a gift bag labeled for me-? When did you-?”

He cuts you off, visibly annoyed. “It’s what I used the bet money on. Now please go away,” he demands more firmly, but you wouldn’t be able to follow through on it even if you wanted to, because as you process his words, you lose the ability to move.

“You spent the $600 on this?” You ask in disbelief, turning your attention fully towards him to try and find any cue that he was lying. “On me?”

Jaemin turns his head to the side, and you watch as his adam’s apple bobs up and down with an awkward swallow. When he finally answers, his voice has lost its tension, his words instead coming out as though he were ashamed. “$700,” he corrects. “I didn’t want it to feel like I was just gifting you something from the guys.”

You think you’ve gone crazy, or maybe Jaemin has, but all you can do is stare at him in disbelief. “I-”

He quickly finds his fire again, apparently having had enough embarrassment for a lifetime in those few seconds. “Please leave,” he spits out. He dares look up to make eye contact with you before immediately regretting his decision and staring back down at his bed again, wiping more stray tears from his eyes as he fumbles out his next words. “You can take the necklace if you want but just- please leave.”

“Jaem-” You say softly before he can cut you off.

“What?!” He quips, though when he shoots his gaze back to you in irritation, he realizes you’re no longer standing at his dresser, but sitting at the edge of his bed with him. Your fingers barren of the necklace, you instead occupy one hand by placing it on top of his own.

“You could’ve told me you fell for me, too,” you say seriously, and Jaemin stops breathing for a moment as he looks up at you with wide teary eyes.

“Too?” He echoes weakly, and all you can do is give a tight smile, moving a hand up to wipe under his eyes as you try to hold back your own tears.

“I refuse to believe I played off my huge crush on you since high school that well.” You reply with a hoarse laugh.

Jaemin finally recovers his ability to breathe as he lets out a heavy exhale. “You like me?” He asks through tears, and you finally break, having to wipe your own stupid tears off your face before nodding at him with an embarrassed smile.

“I always have. Why do you think I made all those stupid rules to try and make sure we acted like a couple as little as possible?” A bittersweet laugh gets caught in your throat as you think back on it. “If I had to listen to you call me cute names all the time, I wouldn’t have survived knowing it was eventually going to end,” you continue seriously.

Jaemin’s finally able to let out a bashful smile and sorry laugh. “...I called you cute names all the time anyways.”

You nod your head with a fond smile. “I know.”

“I couldn’t help it,” he explains as more tears rush down his face, though this time, they’re at least sliding down next to an embarrassed grin.

You look at him with playful raised eyebrows. “Just like how you couldn’t help it when you kissed me every time you saw me? Or looked over at me super fondly?”

Jaemin softens as his eyes trace over your figure, the distant look in his gaze letting you know his mind was rather preoccupied with reliving the past three months. “Exactly like that,” he says lowly, and you let out a breath, forcing your gaze away from Jaemin as you instead focus on the way your fingers were idly fidgeting with each other.

“God, Jaem. I’m sorry. I should’ve realized-” You speak apologetically but Jaemin cuts you off again.

“No, I should’ve communicated. Well…” He lets another soft laugh leave his system, the tears finally drying on his face as he works towards fully collecting himself. “I should’ve communicated when you knew I was serious.”

You smile at his words, shaking your head again as you relive every moment of the fake relationship. “I didn’t even know you had time to catch feelings for me,” you begin with something like wonder in your tone. “I mean- weren’t you still hooking up with-”

When Jaemin cuts you off this time, it’s with the most flustered of cheeks and the weakest of laughs. “Um, about that…the very first girl I hooked up with after we added that rule-” He shakes his head with a small smile as he corrects himself. “Well, I say that…she was also the last girl I hooked up with.” Your eyebrows furrow slightly as you process the information, but Jaemin doesn’t give you much time to do so before throwing in another wrench. “I uh- accidentally moaned your name.”

Your head whips in his direction, your wide eyes straining against your dropped jaw. “Jaemin! You did not!”

“Why would I make that up?!” He quips back with a hearty laugh. You move a hand over your gaping mouth, unsure at what exactly you were supposed to do with this news. You shake your head in disbelief.

“Oh my god, what did she do?” You ask, curiosity dripping from your voice. Jaemin bites on the inside of his cheek before giving in again with a light sigh.

“Well, we immediately stopped because we were both mortified, I think. She said something about how I obviously had to go figure some things out, to which I agreed, but for different reasons than she thought…” He drags off a bit but instead just shakes his head and goes in a different direction. “I practically begged her not to say anything about it, but she laughed and said I was crazy if I thought she was going to tell that story and humiliate herself,” he finishes with a small chuckle, and you just stare at him with no less shock than before.

“I can’t believe this,” you manage to get out playfully.

Jaemin flashes his eyebrows in acknowledgement before his eyes light up and he rushes through more words. “Oh! The best part is, a week or so later, she saw us holding hands in public and texted me saying that she’s rooting for us,” he recalls with a shiteating grin.

“Stop!” You get out, the idea of it damn near killing you. Though, before you can end up dying of laughter with Jaemin, another piece of information fits itself into the puzzle and you come back to your senses in seriousness.

“Wait wait wait,” you begin, focusing your gaze fully on Jaemin again. “So, you’ve been celibate for like…three months now?” You ask in shock. Jaemin isn’t even the tiniest bit regretful as he responds with a shrug, his sincere gaze meeting your own.

“I only wanted you. Wasn’t going to waste mine or anyone else’s time pretending any different.”

Your gaze softens immediately as a fond smile plays against your features. “Jaem…” You aren’t necessarily sure where you were going from there, but Jaemin picks it up anyways with a small shake of his head; his own weak smile making an appearance again as he recounts those first few moments.

“You kissed me that first day and I assumed I was fucked,” he explains casually. “Everything felt like it changed, and not because it was affection but because it was you.” His cheeks puff out again with a bigger grin as he continues. “Then I had that slip up and I knew I was fucked. Couldn’t get you out of my head for even a moment. It was starting to drive me crazy how much I wanted to make you happy.”

His eyes meet yours again as he finishes, and you search them for answers you knew you would have to ask for. “A good crazy?” You question hesitantly, but Jaemin is quick to shut down any worries.

“The best,” he assures, moving his hands so that he could interlace them with yours. He moves his gaze from your physical contact back up to your face before continuing seriously. “I love you, y/n.”

You swallow hard, trying to not let any more tears run down your face, albeit happy tears weren’t so bad. You squeeze his hands in yours as you nod your head. “I love you, too.”

“Can we date for real?” He immediately asks, his wide pleading eyes making you chuckle.

“It’s been ‘for real’ for a while now,” you say warmly, but Jaemin shakes his head, not having it.

“Yeah, but we’re currently broken up if you don’t remember. The entire reason you’re over here is because I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out…which was the worst feeling in the world, by the way,” he banters back with a weak laugh. You let a grimace cross your face before pulling it into a fond smile.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll never break up with you again,” you assure him softly. Jaemin doesn’t hide his wide smile as he shifts himself so he can easily lean in and kiss you softly, resting his forehead against your own as he pulls back to smile against your lips.

“I’m holding you to it, angel.”

#Jaemin #Na Jaemin #NCT Dream #Jaemin fic #Jaemin x reader #NCT Dream x reader #nct x reader #Jaemin fanfic #NCT #NCT Dream fic #Jaemin fluff #NCT Dream fluff #nct dream imagines #nct imagines

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hoshifighting · 5 months ago

Text

Arranged Marriage — Hoshi x Reader

— Synopsis: In contrast to the tired old plots of arranged marriages where the couple can't stand each other, you and Soonyoung are childhood friends. It's not just like marrying a friend—no, no, actually, it is marrying a friend, no-frills and simple. — WC: 10k — WARNINGS: smut, fluff, fingering, oral (m. receiving), penetrative sex, multiple orgasms, choking, one single slap on the ass, hair pulling, aftercare, whipped!hoshi, hoshi teases reader until she almost cries for dick, mentions of alcohol, mentions of body fluids (cum, sweat), DIRTY TALK—prob the nastiest dirty talk i've written.

You knew this day would come.

Growing up in a world where luxury, money, stock exchange, and business were the pillars of existence, arranged marriages were just another part of the cycle. Two patrimonies merging into one for the benefit of both families—it was a tradition as old as time.

Some couples embraced the spotlight, showcasing their unity to the world. Others barely tolerated each other, living in separate homes to maintain a fake image. There were also those whose mutual disdain led to chaos both in their personal lives and in the family businesses.

When you saw Soonyoung in your home, dressed in a suit that clearly wasn’t his style, you felt a hurricane of emotions. His usual vibrant, carefree energy seemed stifled under the weight of the tailored fabric. You greeted him and his family alongside your parents, both of you a shy mess, but something in his eyes told you things might not be as bad as you feared.

“Hey,” Soonyoung murmured as you both found a moment away from the adults’ formal discussions. “This suit is killing me.”

You laughed softly, feeling a sense of relief. “You look... different.”

“Yeah, definitely not my usual style, you know me” he grinned, loosening his tie. “But I guess we’re both out of our comfort zones today.”

You nodded, memories flooding back of the two of you playing outside when kids, during business congresses, your parents inside discussing mergers and acquisitions while you and Soonyoung chased each other around the gardens. “Do you remember those days?”

“Of course,” he said, eyes lighting up with nostalgia. “We had our own little world, didn’t we?”

“We did,” you replied. “And now, here we are.”

“So, how do you feel about this?” he asked, shy, looking at your expensive dress, clearly set for tonight. “About us... getting married?”

“I’ve been preparing for it my whole life, I guess,” you said honestly. “But with you... it feels different. Less intimidating."

“I feel the same,” Soonyoung admitted. “I mean, if it had to be anyone, I’m glad it’s you.”

You smiled. “Maybe we can make this work. Find a balance between our lifes.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “We can create something new, something that’s ours.”

You looked at him, seeing not just the boy you grew up with, but a partner. Someone who understood the complexities of your world and was willing to navigate them with you.

You looked around your house, taking in the scene. Soonyoung’s family mingled with yours, coworkers from your parents’ firms exchanged polite conversation, and your and Soonyoung’s nephews were playing circles around the couch.

The weight of the day pressed on your shoulders, a burden that didn’t match the elegance of the dress you were wearing for the marriage proposal.

Soonyoung’s eyes met yours, noticing your tense posture. “You’re nervous, aren’t you?” he asked softly.

You looked at him, sulking, and he recognized the same expression you had when you were eight.

He leaned in, whispering, “Don’t tell anyone, but I brought a bottle of tequila. It’s in my trunk. Would you like some to relax?”

You stared at him in silence before nodding with an exasperated look, feeling like it was exactly what you needed.

“Did you bring a shot cup?” you asked, following him outside.

He stopped, bottle in hand, and you both laughed. Taking the bottle from him, you leaned against his car, opened the cap, and poured a generous shot—maybe a little more—straight into your mouth. Soonyoung watched, his mouth wide open in surprise. You handed the bottle back to him.

“Why are you nervous?” he asked, taking a swig himself, looking comically exaggerated as he did. “I’m the one who has to kneel and propose today. My heart feels like it’s about to explode.”

You both laughed like teenagers getting away with something forbidden, hiding behind his car.

After a moment of comfortable silence, you broke it. “Do you have the ring here?”

He looked at you and nodded.

“Can I see it?” you asked, your curiosity piqued as if he had a rare Pokémon card.

“Is that right?” he teased.

You made doe eyes and asked, “Pretty please?”

He smiled, pulling a small black box from his pocket and opening it for you.

The diamond ring sparkled in your eyes, its brilliance captivating. “It’s beautiful,” you murmured.

Soonyoung nodded, grinning. “My sister helped me choose it. I originally wanted a diamond shaped like a cat, but she said that wasn’t appropriate.”

You laughed, the image of a cat-shaped diamond making you smile. “It’s beautiful, but a kitten-shaped ring sounds adorable. I would’ve loved that too.”

His grin widened, a small, proud smile lighting up his face as you both admired the ring.

Your moment was interrupted by Soonyoung’s mom's voice, echoing from the house. “Oh my god, are you already proposing?”

Soonyoung choked on his own saliva, his eyes wide with panic. The best thing to do now? Say no and face his mother’s scolding for showing the ring prematurely, or actually propose right then and there?

Before he could think it through, he found himself on one knee on the sidewalk, his heart pounding. You quickly hid the tequila bottle behind your back.

“Soonyoung, what are you doing?” you whispered, eyes wide.

“I... I’m improvising,” he replied, clearing his throat. “Y/N, will you marry me?”

The spontaneity of it all, made you laugh and cry at the same time, you needed to pretend you were actually emotional. “Yes, Soonyoung. Yes, I will.”

You barely noticed the sudden crowd that had gathered around you, they'd appeared out of nowhere, all eyes on the two of you. Soonyoung’s hand trembled slightly as he slid the ring onto your finger, the cool metal contrasting with the warmth of his touch.

You smiled nervously at him, teeth gritted. “Hug me,” you whispered urgently, your eyes darting to the tequila bottle that was precariously wedged behind your back. “Please, put the tequila bottle inside your car. It's practically shoved inside my ass.”

Soonyoung blinked, processing your words before a grin spread across his face. He pulled you into a tight hug, the kind that felt both reassuring and grounding. As he embraced you, he expertly reached behind you, his fingers brushing against the bottle.

You could feel his body shaking slightly with suppressed laughter.

“Hang on,” he whispered back.

He managed to grab the bottle and discreetly slid it out from behind you. Still holding you close, he took a step back towards the car, opening the door with one hand and slipping the bottle inside. The whole maneuver was so smooth that you doubted anyone noticed the clandestine operation.

That moment eased the tension of the night, but the tequila hadn’t taken effect yet, and you knew you had to keep an eye on Soonyoung. His alcohol tolerance was notoriously low, and you didn’t want him to embarrass himself—or worse, get into trouble.

As the night wound down and Soonyoung’s dad started to lead him to the car, Soonyoung sulked, trying to resist. “I want to talk a bit more to my bride,” he protested, his voice slightly slurred. His words elicited good-natured laughter from both families, who were enjoying the unexpected turn of events.

You walked over to him, giving him a warm hug and patting his head affectionately. “It’s time to go home, Soonyoung,” you said gently.

He looked at you with wide, earnest eyes, the warmth in his gaze reminding you of why you felt less nervous than you should. Soonyoung had always been warm-hearted, and maybe that’s why you felt a sense of calm amidst the chaos.

As you pulled back from the hug, Soonyoung’s hand lingered in yours for a moment longer. “Promise you’ll call me tomorrow?” he asked, his tone earnest despite his tipsiness.

“Promise,” you replied, smiling as you squeezed his hand.

With one last affectionate look, Soonyoung allowed his dad to guide him into the car. You watched as the vehicle pulled away. Your parents approached, their expressions a blend of amusement and expectation.

“Well, that was quite a night,” your mom said, her eyes twinkling with delight.

“Yes, it was,” you agreed, glancing at your dad, who nodded in approval.

“You two make a good pair,” your dad said, his tone warm. “I’m glad to see you both getting along so well.”

Your parents were now expectant, believing you and Soonyoung were truly becoming a couple. And in a way, you were—just not in the conventional sense they imagined.

The next day, even though it was a promise to a drunk boy, you called Soonyoung in the morning. Like any typical business wedding, the preparations started swiftly, aiming to have the wedding happen as soon as possible. Today, you were going to choose the food and drinks for the event.

When Soonyoung arrived, he was all tidied up, but his face was clearly tired. You laughed a bit, “You look…”

He completed for you, “Fucked?”

You chuckled, “I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Long night,” he admitted, rubbing his eyes. “But I’m here.”

“Good, because we have a lot to decide,” you replied, glancing at the event agent who was discussing the dessert options.

As you both looked at the event agent, who insisted on adding superfluous things to the sweets—like a layer of gold—you exchanged amused glances. The agent was enthusiastically explaining the virtues of gold-leaf-covered desserts.

“Gold? For us to... poop?” Soonyoung murmured incredulously.

You stifled a laugh and leaned closer to him. “Can’t it be something more tasty?”

The agent looked slightly taken aback. “Gold leaf is quite a statement piece.”

Soonyoung nodded, trying to be polite. “But we were thinking of something simpler.”

“How about churros?” you suggest.

The agent blinked, clearly not expecting that. “Churros? For a wedding?”

“Why not?” you said with a grin. “They’re delicious, and everyone loves them.”

“But they don’t exactly scream luxury,” the agent protested.

“They scream fun,” Soonyoung countered. “And isn’t that what weddings are supposed to be?”

The agent sighed, making a note. “Alright, churros it is. Anything else?”

“Maybe some street-style tacos?” he added, enjoying the agent’s bewildered expression.

“Tacos?” the agent repeated, as if the word was foreign.

“Yeah, why not?” Soonyoung agreed. “Let’s keep it simple and tasty.”

The agent finally nodded, albeit reluctantly. “Very well. I’ll make the arrangements.”

Honestly, days flew by with Soonyoung by your side. Planning every little detail of the wedding together brought both fun and challenges, especially when your tastes didn’t always align. It was a bit complicated at first, like when you two were choosing the destination for your honeymoon.

Soonyoung wanted an adventure-packed trip to the Amazon rainforest, while you preferred a relaxing beach resort in the Maldives. The negotiations were intense, but you eventually settled on a compromise.

Choosing Soonyoung’s suit also proved to be a task. He insisted on wearing a tie with a tiger print, a nod to his childhood love for tigers. You were surprised that his fascination with the big cats had persisted, but you drew the line at a tiger tie. “Absolutely not,” you told him firmly, trying to imagine the looks you’d get. “A tiger tie is a no from me, and I think a lot of people would agree.”

“Fine,” he conceded with a sigh, but you could tell he was already thinking about how to sneak a little tiger motif into his outfit.

When it came to choosing your dress, you were accompanied by your mom, Soonyoung’s mom, and his sister.

Soonyoung, the only man in the group, tagged along as well. The other brides at the boutique initially assumed he was either your brother or your stylist.

Their jaws nearly dropped when they overheard he was actually the groom.

One of the brides, adjusting her veil in front of a mirror, turned to you, wide-eyed. “Wait, he’s your husband-to-be?”

“Yes, he is,” you confirmed with a smile, watching Soonyoung fuss over a lace detail on one of the dresses.

Another bride laughed softly. “Lucky you! He’s so involved.”

“He’s been amazing,” you said. “Except for his obsession with tiger prints.”

Soonyoung, overhearing, grinned and walked over. “What can I say? Tigers are cool.”

“Soonyoung, you’re a unique groom,” his sister teased, shaking her head.

As you tried on dresses, Soonyoung offered his opinions with surprising thoughtfulness, balancing out his more quirky suggestions. He was genuinely invested in making sure you felt beautiful and confident in your choice.

You’d tried on everything: the biggest gowns, the tightest silhouettes, dresses with endless layers of skirts, and others that hugged your hips so closely it felt like they were molded to your skin.

There were corsets that took your breath away—literally—and fabrics that shimmered under the boutique lights.

But this time, when you left the dressing room, you were wearing a veil.

Soonyoung’s eyes didn’t lie for a second. He liked this one very much. The women around you—your mom, Soonyoung’s mom, and his sister—fussed over the dress, adjusting it here and there, offering compliments. But Soonyoung was speechless.

If Soonyoung were to be completely honest, up until this moment, he had always seen you as his friend, the girl he was going to marry because of an arrangement. You were the same girl who used to run around the events, eluding the security guards with your mischievous giggles.

But now, you were different. You were a woman. His woman. And you looked stunning.

He couldn’t take his eyes off you. The transformation was breathtaking. You stood there, looking radiant in your wedding dress, and for the first time, the reality of the situation hit him. You weren’t just a friend anymore; you were about to become his partner, his wife.

He was so lost in the moment that he didn’t realize he was gawking until you and the women turned to him, waiting for his response. He blinked, snapping back to reality, and managed to find his voice.

“You look...” he started, his voice trailing off as he struggled to find the right words. “You look absolutely stunning.”

Your cheeks flushed at his earnest compliment. “You really think so?”

Soonyoung nodded, still unable to tear his eyes away. “I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.”

His sister grinned, nudging him playfully. “Told you she’d find the perfect dress.”

Your mom wiped away a tear, “You’re going to make a beautiful bride.”

Soonyoung’s mom stepped forward, adjusting a tiny detail on the veil. “This is the one. It’s perfect.”

You looked at yourself in the mirror, feeling a sense of certainty wash over you. “Yes, this is the one,” you said, smiling at the reflection and then at the people around you who made this moment even more special.

[...]

The days leading up to the wedding were a whirlwind of activity. Every day brought something new to choose, and your creativity was running dry. You were worn out, and Soonyoung knew it. Today had been particularly exhausting.

As the realtor showed you yet another option for apartments in the Metropole, you responded with short answers, your enthusiasm long gone after visiting sixteen places that day alone.

“So, what do you think?” the realtor asked.

Soonyoung noticed your hesitation. “Can I talk with my wife for a sec?” he asked.

The realtor nodded and walked off, giving you space.

“Y/N-nie... are you okay?” Soonyoung asked softly, looking at you through his lashes.

You sighed, your shoulders slumping. “I’m so tired,” you confessed.

He took a step closer, his voice softening. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You breathed out heavily. “My family is putting a lot of pressure on me, and I’m working relentlessly at the company. I can’t wait for us to get married…”

Soonyoung’s heart sank a little. “You want to get married just to get free from it?”

“No, it’s not just that. It’s everything. The wedding preparations, the constant decisions, the endless work... I feel like I’m drowning.”

He reached out, gently taking your hand. “We don’t have to rush this, you know. We can take our time.”

“But everyone’s expecting so much from us,” you replied, feeling the weight of expectations.

“Let them expect,” he said firmly. “And I want this to be as much about you as it is about us.”

“I just... I don’t want to disappoint anyone,” you admitted.

“You won’t,” Soonyoung assured you. “You’ve already done so much. It’s okay to take a step back and breathe.”

You took a deep breath, feeling a bit lighter. “Alright. Let’s look at this apartment one more time.”

Soonyoung nodded, giving you an encouraging smile. “And if it’s not the one, we’ll keep looking until we find the perfect place for us.”

You laughed softly, the tension easing. “You always know how to make things better.”

“Just doing my job as your soon-to-be husband,” he said playfully.

Soonyoung was doing an incredible job.

From what you’d heard from friends who had gone through the same situation, they didn’t have partners like Soonyoung. You felt proud of him.

He was your rock, making sure you took a breath when you were overwhelmed by the slightest things. He even insisted you didn't move a finger during brunch, making you so relaxed that you found the apartment you’d been searching for on the very same day.

The drive home was quiet, the car enveloped in a peaceful silence that allowed you a moment to rest. You laid your head back as he drove, appreciating the tranquility. Once you arrived, you stayed seated for a bit, soaking in the comfort of the quiet.

Soonyoung looked at you, waiting patiently. When you finally looked up, he gave you a gentle smile. “Ready to go in?”

You nodded, feeling a bit more refreshed. “Yeah, let’s go.”

He stepped out of the car and came around to your side, opening the door for you. “Take your time,” he said softly.

You appreciated his patience as you slowly got out of the car. “Thank you, Soonyoung.”

He smiled, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you walked towards the house. “I’m just doing what any good partner would do.”

You leaned into him, feeling grateful for his support. “I don’t think everyone is as lucky as I am.”

He chuckled softly. “Well, I’m pretty lucky too, you know.”

As you entered the house, you felt a sense of relief. The apartment search was over, and you had found the perfect place. More importantly, you had Soonyoung by your side, making every step of this journey easier.

“So, what’s next on our list?” he asked, guiding you to the living room.

You sank into the couch, feeling the exhaustion of the day catch up to you. “I think a nap is next on my list.”

He laughed, sitting beside you. “That sounds like a perfect plan.”

You closed your eyes, feeling the weight of the day lift off your shoulders. “Wake me up in an hour?”

[...]

The days flew by in a blur with the whirlwind of wedding preparations. It felt like only moments ago you were choosing flowers, tasting cakes, and finalizing guest lists.

Now, as you stood at the end of the aisle, holding a bouquet in front of Soonyoung, the reality of the moment hit you with full force.

The weight of the dress and the pressure of looking perfect made your hands sweat like never before. You felt like a porcelain doll, perfectly polished and poised.

Soonyoung stood there, his eyes fixed on you with pride. He couldn't help but feel a surge of happiness. Here you were, a perfect woman by his side, and even better, an old friend he'd known for years.

The familiarity of your presence brought him comfort. Despite the fact that you hadn’t really dated, the idea of having someone as pretty and cool as you with him every day made him feel at ease about the whole situation.

As you walked down the aisle, your eyes met his, and a small, reassuring smile played on his lips. He looked stunning in his suit, and the way he stood tall, waiting for you, made your heart flutter.

You could see a hint of nervousness in his eyes, mirroring your own, but there was also a calmness there, a silent promise that everything would be alright.

When you finally reached him, he extended his hand towards you. He leaned in slightly, whispering just loud enough for you to hear, “You look amazing.”

You blushed, your nerves momentarily forgotten. “Thank you. You look pretty good yourself.”

The vows were sincere, filled with heartfelt words that spoke more to your shared friendship than any romantic notion. Both of you couldn’t help but giggle as you remembered all the crazy things you’d done together as kids.

Your minds flashed to the time you stole sweets from an event or when you both jumped into a water fountain during an important dinner with company directors.

As the officiant declared you husband and wife, all of these memories became a sweet reverie. You leaned in and whispered with a playful glint in your eye, “Are you going to kiss my lips or my cheek?”

Soonyoung blushed, clearly caught off guard by the question. A kiss on the cheek was typical in such moments since most arranged couples didn’t share a romantic bond. He stammered for a moment, his face flushing a deep shade of pink.

“Well… uh… I suppose the cheek would be safe,” he mumbled, eyes darting nervously.

You couldn’t help but chuckle softly, leaning closer. “But where’s the fun in that, Soonyoung?”

He looked at you, his eyes widening slightly. The playful challenge in your gaze gave him the courage he needed. With a deep breath, he moved in, his hand gently cupping your face.

“I think I’ll go for the lips,” he whispered back, his voice steadying.

The crowd held its breath as Soonyoung leaned in, his lips brushing yours in a soft, tender kiss. It was a simple kiss, not passionate, but filled with the warmth of years of friendship and the promise of a shared future. The applause that followed was thunderous, but all you could focus on was the feeling of his lips against yours.

As you pulled away, you both wore matching grins. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” you teased,

He laughed, shaking his head. “Not bad at all. Actually, it was kind of nice.”

You linked arms, turning to face the crowd together. Your parents looked relieved and proud, while your friends were cheering loudly, clearly entertained by the spectacle. Soonyoung’s eyes met yours again, and there was a newfound spark there, full of possibilities.

As you both shared champagne with your parents, Soonyoung playfully asked, "No tequila tonight?" You were about to respond when his mom's voice cut in, "Tequila?"

Soonyoung’s eyes widened, and his mouth twisted into a frown as he tried to suppress his laughter. You quickly improvised, "Huh, h-he meant... tacos! We had tacos with tequila last time, remember?" You forced a smile, hoping it sounded convincing enough. His mom seemed satisfied with the answer, nodding along.

After mingling with guests—aka talking with people from work about the next meeting—you finally found a moment to escape the spotlight. You and Soonyoung crouched behind the kitchen, hiding from the crowd. The chefs chuckled at the sight of the newlyweds sneaking bites of food, but they made sure to hand you the best eats, knowing how overwhelming the day could be.

Soonyoung grinned, playfully nudging you. "We're so used to doing this at parties that we're practically pros now."

You nodded in agreement, a mischievous smile on your face. "Even though it's our own wedding party," you said, shaking your head in disbelief.

He chuckled, looking at the gold ring on your finger with a sense of wonder. "Our wedding... I still can't believe it. Oh my god, we're grown adults now."

You couldn’t help but laugh, reaching out to pat his head mockingly. "We've been grown adults for... kind of a long time already," you teased, a playful glint in your eye.

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly, then leaned in closer, his voice softening. "Yeah, but it feels different now. Like, we're really starting something new."

You nodded, feeling the weight of his words. It was true. The reality of your situation was sinking in, but in a way, it felt comforting. You had each other, and that made everything seem a little less daunting. As you sat there, hidden away from the chaos of the celebration, it struck you how much you appreciated this moment—just the two of you, stealing away for a breather.

“Shall we follow tradition?” Soonyoung asks, a playful glint in his eyes. You frown, confused, as he reaches into the fridge and pulls out a bottle of tequila.

“Should tequila be kept in the fridge?” you ask, laughing at the sight.

“I hope so,” he replies, pouring the liquid into a cup. “This one is expensive.”

You raise an eyebrow, taking the cup from him. “The cheapest has the same effect,” you say, waiting for him to pour his own.

He chuckles, raising his glass. “But today’s a special day. We deserve the good stuff.”

You laugh it off, crossing your arms before taking the shot together. The familiar burn makes you both scrunch up your faces.

The wedding party was truly one of a kind. You and Soonyoung were a bit too excited, turning the waltz space into a wild dance floor.

At first, your parents were too embarrassed to join, especially at the sight of Soonyoung twerking on you. But soon, even the directors and business partners were on the dance floor, dancing and drinking extravagantly.

[...]

The next morning, you and Soonyoung were woken up by the buzzing of your phones.

Your makeup was smudged and stamped on the pillow, and you were still in your wedding dress. You scratched your scalp, feeling the bobby pins still tangled in your hair.

Soonyoung was no better; his shirt was unbuttoned to his belly button, his tie was loosened around his neck, and his hair looked like a bird's nest. He scratched his forehead groggily. Despite sharing the same bed, you both seemed unbothered by it.

You grabbed your phone and saw the company group chat flooded with messages:

“Wow, last night was incredible! Congrats to the newlyweds!”

“I can't believe we all danced that much! My feet are killing me. :')”

“Best wedding party ever! So happy for you guys!”

“My head is pounding, but it was totally worth it. ^^ Cheers to you both!”

“I’m still recovering from all that dancing. What a party!”

“Never thought I’d see the CEO breakdancing. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ”

You couldn't help but smile at the messages, as Soonyoung peeked over your shoulder, a sleepy grin spreading across his face.

“My head hurts,” Soonyoung complains, rubbing his temples.

You adjust the corset of your dress, feeling the tightness around your ribs. "My ribs are squeezed," you grumble, wincing as you try to get comfortable. "I can't believe I slept in this."

He yawns, glancing down at your leg. "You even kept the garter on," he points out, noticing the delicate band still around your thigh.

You crack your neck, feeling the weight of the long night. "Your sister gave it to me, so I put it on," you explain, lifting the voluminous skirt to reveal the bridal garter.

His eyes widen comically. "My sister?! Is there something I don't know?"

You frown at him, a bit confused. "You don’t know about the tradition?"

Soonyoung looks a bit lost, scratching his head. "I mean, it’s my first time getting married."

You sigh, laying back down. "Traditionally, the groom is supposed to take it off when... taking the virginity," you explain, watching his face turn a shade of pink.

His eyes dart around nervously, processing the information. "So... my sister thought I was... a virgin?"

You shrug, teasing, "Probably. Are you?"

He laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Definitely not. And you?"

You raise an eyebrow, smirking. "Nope. Sorry to disappoint."

He chuckles, finally relaxing. "Good to know. Not that it matters, but... it's funny to think about how everyone just assumes stuff."

“Are you going to take it off?” you tease, stretching your leg up and wiggling your foot playfully. Your eyes glint mischievously as you watch Soonyoung’s reaction.

He scoffs, but a smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “What, you mean right now?” His eyes flicker to your thigh, then quickly back up to your face, trying to gauge if you’re serious or just messing with him.

You arch an eyebrow, maintaining your playful expression. “Why not? It’s tradition, right? Don’t you want to fulfill your husbandly duties?” You stretch your leg out further, making the garter more visible.

Soonyoung chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re unbelievable,” he mutters, but there’s a sparkle of joy in his eyes. He reaches out hesitantly, his fingers brushing lightly against your thigh. The touch sends a shiver to your skin, and you can’t help but giggle.

“What’s the matter?” you prod, your voice dripping with mock innocence. “You’re not getting cold feet, are you?”

He rolls his eyes, trying to suppress a laugh. “Not at all,”

You bute your lip as his fingers graze the lacy fabric of the garter. His touch is feather-light, almost ticklish, and you squirm a bit under his hand.

Soonyoung smirks, clearly enjoying your reaction. “You’re squirming,” he notes, his voice low and teasing. “Does that mean you’re nervous?”

You scoff, shaking your head. “Me? Nervous? Please,” you retort, trying to sound confident despite the rapid beating of your heart. “I’m just surprised you’re taking so long. I thought you’d be an expert at this.”

He chuckles, sliding his hand a bit higher up your thigh, his thumb brushing against your skin in slow, deliberate strokes. “Oh, I am,” he replies smoothly. “Just savoring the moment.”

“Well, don’t take too long,” you murmur, your voice softening slightly. “We wouldn’t want to miss out on any other wedding traditions.”

Soonyoung grins, his fingers hooking under the garter. “Right, can’t forget those,” he says, his voice tinged with a hint of naughtiness.

He gently tugs on the garter, slowly sliding it down your leg, his eyes never leaving yours.

As he finally slips the garter off, he holds it up triumphantly, a goofy grin on his face. “There, tradition fulfilled,” he declares, waving the garter like a trophy.

You laugh, shaking your head at his antics. “Congratulations,” you say, clapping mockingly. “You’ve successfully removed a piece of elastic lace. Truly, a remarkable achievement.”

He bows dramatically, playing along. “Thank you, thank you,” he says, flashing you a cheeky smile. “It was a tough job, but someone had to do it.”

You can’t help but laugh, the light-hearted banter making the moment feel even more special. Soonyoung’s hand lingers on your leg for a moment longer before he finally lets go.

As Soonyoung gets up, stretching his arms with a yawn, he announces, "I'm going to take a bath." He heads towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

You sit up, still feeling the effects of last night's festivities, and shout after him, “Ya! Ladies first!”

From behind the closed door, you hear Soonyoung's laughter echo in the bathroom. “Sorry, didn’t hear you over the sound of me already starting the water!” he calls back, his voice filled with playful defiance.

You shake your head, smiling to yourself. It’s these little moments that make everything feel so natural and easy with him. After a few minutes, you hear the sound of running water stop, and Soonyoung emerges from the bathroom, his hair damp and a towel wrapped around his waist.

“All yours,” he says, grinning. “I left some hot water for you, too.”

You roll your eyes playfully, grabbing your toiletries and heading into the bathroom. The warm water is a welcome relief, washing away the remnants of makeup and the night's events. After a quick shower, you step out feeling slightly more human, though the hangover still lingers.

As you both finish getting ready, the thought of breakfast crosses your mind. However, just the idea of food makes your stomach churn. The hotel's breakfast spread is typically lavish, but today, the thought of greasy bacon and pastries is anything but appetizing.

Soonyoung, dressed in a casual outfit, catches your expression as you look at the food options. “Yeah, not feeling it either,” he says, rubbing his temple. “Let's skip it.”

You nod in agreement, both of you opting for just a coffee to stave off the worst of the hangover. With minimal conversation, you gather your belongings, checking out of the hotel and heading straight to the airport.

But one thing you definitely didn’t expect was Soonyoung falling asleep on your shoulder within the first thirty minutes of the flight. His head rested heavily against you, and his hand, seemingly by accident, was placed on your thigh.

As he softly snored, you couldn’t help but chuckle at how comfortable he looked. Anyone passing by would probably think you two were an old married couple, so naturally attuned to each other.

His head's weight pressed down on your shoulder, a constant reminder of his presence. Every now and then, you felt him subconsciously moisturizing his lips, a small, almost imperceptible movement that somehow made the moment even more cute.

You glanced at the small TV screen in front of you, trying to focus on the movie playing. It was a romance novel adaptation, the kind with sweeping gestures and grand declarations of love.

Normally, you might have rolled your eyes at the cliché, but with Soonyoung sleeping peacefully beside you, it felt oddly fitting.

As the plane cruised through the sky, you found yourself getting lost in the storyline, occasionally glancing at Soonyoung. His breathing was steady, a gentle rhythm that added to the soothing hum of the plane.

You shifted slightly, trying to get more comfortable without disturbing him, but his hand tightened instinctively on your thigh, holding you in place. It was a small, protective gesture that made your heart flutter.

What you loved the most was when Soonyoung finally woke up, blinking sleepily and then immediately apologizing. "I'm so sorry," he repeated, his face flushed with embarrassment. You chuckled, assuring him it was okay, that he had every right to rest. He seemed genuinely mortified, even offering, “You can sleep on my shoulder too, I promise.”

You smiled at his earnestness, brushing it off with a light, “Maybe on the way back, then,” as the announcement came that you were about to land.

Once you arrived, Soonyoung was quick to grab the suitcases from the taxi, his efficiency a comfort as you made your way to the hotel's check-in counter.

The concierge’s eyes seemed to linger on you a little too long, his gaze sliding over your sundress and perhaps admiring more than just the attire.

As you waited for the receptionist, the concierge leaned casually on the counter, offering a friendly, yet slightly flirtatious, smile.

“First time here, ma’am?” he asked, his tone smooth and inviting.

“Well, yes...” you replied, keeping your voice polite but detached. You could feel the weight of his attention and tried to subtly stretch your hand, making sure the gold ring on your finger was clearly visible.

The concierge didn’t seem to get the hint, or perhaps he chose to ignore it. “You’re in for a treat. We’ve got some wonderful spots for—”

Before he could continue, you felt Soonyoung's presence behind you, a comforting warmth at your back. His body pressed lightly against yours, a subtle yet possessive gesture that didn’t go unnoticed. His hand slipped around your waist, resting just below your belly, the touch gentle but unmistakably protective.

He leaned in close, his breath warm against your ear. “Everything alright?” he murmured, his voice carrying a hint of curiosity and a subtle edge.

You could almost feel the shift in the air. The concierge straightened up, his expression flickering between surprise and a polite smile. “Oh, just making sure your stay is perfect,” he said, his tone now more professional, eyes darting between you and Soonyoung.

“Thank you,” Soonyoung replied, his voice steady. His hand didn’t move from its spot on your belly, and the slight squeeze he gave was enough to send a clear message. You leaned back into him, feeling a rush of warmth at his silent claim.

The receptionist finally returned with your room keys, handing them over with a bright, “Welcome to our hotel! We hope you enjoy your stay.” With the keys in hand, you and Soonyoung made your way to the elevator.

As the doors closed, sealing you both from the world outside, you turned to Soonyoung with a smirk. “Looks like someone’s a little possessive.”

He grinned back, a playful glint in his eyes. “Just making sure everyone knows you’re taken.”

You tease him back with a playful smirk. “Well, it’s just a business marriage. You shouldn’t worry about stuff like that,” you say, your tone light and slightly mocking.

Soonyoung scoffs, turning his gaze to the side with a dramatic sigh. “You’re such an idiot,” he mocks, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“An idiot, hm?” you counter, crossing your arms with a smirk. “Well, I’m an idiot you agreed to marry, so I guess that makes you twice the fool.”

He raises an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Sharp tongue of yours, huh?”

You nod, feigning innocence. “What can I say? I’ve had years of practice.”

Soonyoung leans in closer, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “You know, it’s a shame. I was really looking forward to giving you something special once we got to our hotel room.”

Your curiosity piques immediately. “Something special? Like what?”

He grins, clearly enjoying your reaction. “Oh, just something that’ll make you remember tonight.”

You raise an eyebrow, trying to gauge his meaning. “Something that’ll make me remember tonight, huh? Care to elaborate?”

Soonyoung chuckles, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Oh, I think you already know what I’m talking about.”

You narrow your eyes, playfully challenging him. “Do I? Because you’re being awfully vague.”

He leans back, enjoying the game. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

The teasing glint in his eyes only fuels your curiosity further. You know exactly what he’s implying, but you play along, eager to hear him say it outright.

“So,” you press, “what is it? Can you give me a hint?”

Soonyoung’s grin widens, clearly relishing the moment. “Let’s just say it’s something that’ll make you very excited. And not just because of the hotel’s decor.”

You roll your eyes, laughing softly. “Alright, alright. I get it. You’re being all mysterious.”

You sulk, trailing behind Soonyoung as he walks down the hallway toward your room. “Tell me, pleeeease,” you plead.

Soonyoung glances back at you with a mischievous smile. “Nope, not telling,” he says, his grin widening as he enjoys your insistence.

When you reach the door, Soonyoung unlocks it and pushes it open, gesturing for you to enter. You walk in, your eyes scanning the room briefly, but your focus quickly returns to Soonyoung. He places the suitcases by the door and then hops onto the bed, sprawling out with a relaxed sigh.

You stay standing by the door, your arms crossed over your chest, giving him a sulky, upset look.

“So,” Soonyoung says with a defiant glare, “am I forgetting something?”

You pout, trying to look as curious and frustrated as possible. “You’ve got me curious,” you admit, your eyes wide.

He laughs, brushing his hand through his hair with a playful sigh. “You’re almost throwing a tantrum over this?”

Soonyoung slides his hand down his abdomen slowly, getting lower and lower, until he's wrapping his fingers around his cock through his white shorts. The outline is clear, thick, and perfectly defined against the fabric.

He gives it a little shake, a sly smile playing on his lips as he watches your reaction.

You stare at him in shock, your knees almost giving way as you take in the sight. Your mouth opens slightly, but no words come out as you struggle to process what you're seeing.

Soonyoung’s smile widens, clearly enjoying the effect he’s having on you. “Are you surprised?”

He chuckles softly, clearly pleased with your reaction. “Well, I figured it was time to give you a little hint,” he says, his hand still resting casually on his bulge. “So, do you think you’re ready to find out what else I have in store for tonight?”

You stammer, unable to look away from the outline of his cock pressed against the fabric of his shorts. “Do we have to wait until nightfall?”

Soonyoung licks his lips, his gaze never leaving you. “Oh,” he drawls, “but you have to walk properly tonight, so we can go to the restaurant.”

Your eyes darken, a fire igniting within you. “You think I can’t handle all of this inside?”

He raises an eyebrows. “You shouldn’t,” he says, his voice dripping with devilishness. “It’s just a business wedding, after all.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Just a business wedding, huh? You really want to test me?”

Soonyoung chuckles, clearly enjoying the playful back-and-forth. “That’s right. Let’s see if you can keep your composure while we enjoy a nice dinner.”

You take a deep breath, feeling a rush of adrenaline. “Challenge accepted,”

You’ve never been so turned on by someone’s mere presence before. The entire city tour was a cruel game of torture, all at Soonyoung’s hands.

In the taxi, his hand had wandered to your nude thigh, brushing against your skin like a feather. The way his fingers lightly caressed your inner leg made your heart race and your breath catch.

At the restaurant, the casual caresses continued. His leg pressed against yours under the table, his touch lingering just a moment longer than necessary.

The warmth of his skin against yours, the way he would occasionally let his knee slide up your thigh—each movement was like an electric current surging through you, leaving you squirming in your seat.

Walking through the jewelry fair was an exercise in restraint. As you admired the sparkling displays, Soonyoung’s hands kept drifting to the exposed skin of your back. His touch was light, almost playful, but each graze against your bare skin made you shiver with need.

You could barely focus on the dazzling jewels in front of you; your mind was consumed with the need for him.

By the time you were back in the elevator, you felt like you were on the edge of losing control. You could feel his eyes on you, sharp and hungry, as you pressed yourself against the wall.

You turned your face away, but you couldn’t hide the truth from him. Your nipples, straining against your dress, betrayed your arousal. Your legs, pressed tightly together, were a clear sign of your desperation. Even your unsteady breaths gave you away.

When you finally arrived at the hotel room, you barely made it inside before your desperation took over.

You throw him against the wall, hands planted firmly on his chest. The sound reverberates through the room, probably making the neighbors wonder what the hell is going on. His usually small eyes are wide, staring at you flaggerblasted.

Your breath mingles with his as you lean in, letting your lips barely graze his. Your voice comes out breathy, almost desperate, “Please. Stop teasing me.”

For a moment, he's stunned, caught off guard by the whininess in your voice and the look on your face—like you might break if he doesn't give you what you need right now.

It's a twisted scenario, considering you're his childhood friend turned wife is standing before him with an expression that borders on agony—an agony only he can alleviate.

For a moment, he looks like he might laugh, but he knows he's on the verge of losing all sense of control, but a part of him relishes the idea.

“Say it again,” he murmurs. He knows he's playing with fire, but he can't resist the thrill. His lips barely brush against yours, teasing, taunting.

“Soonyoung, I'm going to fucking cry if you don't—”

“Hold it,” he commands,you shudder, your breath hitching as he lifts your dress. And you comply, bunching the fabric in your fists to keep it out of the way.

His hand slides down the front of your panties, and your head falls back.

Soonyoung leans in, his lips ghosting over your ear. “You’re so fucking impatient,” he growls.

His fingers slide through your slick folds, finding you wet and wanting, throbbing everytime he rubs his fat fingers on you. “You’ve never even tasted my cock, and you’re already obsessed, huh?” He presses his thumb against your clit, making you gasp. “You’re such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

You whimper, your hips bucking against his hand. You can barely think straight. “Please, Soonyoung,” you beg again, your voice cracking.

He chuckles darkly, clearly relishing your desperation. “You want my cock so bad, don't you?” His fingers slide inside you, curling just right, and you cry out. “You want me to fuck you senseless? Make you scream my name?”

“Yes,” you breathe, your voice barely a whisper. The words spill out of you, unfiltered and raw. “I want you to ruin me.”

“You’ve never had anyone fill you up like I will,” he says. “I’m gonna stretch you out so good, baby. You’ll be begging for more, even when you can’t take it.”

The dirty talk, the sheer vulgarity of his words, makes you even wetter. You feel like you're on the verge of losing control, and it's rousing.

Soonyoung's fingers pump in and out of you, each thrust bringing you closer to the edge. His thumb rubs relentless circles on your clit, and you can feel the tension building, winding tighter and tighter.

“You’re gonna cum on my fingers first,” he whispers. “And then I’m gonna fuck you so hard, you won’t be able to walk straight for days. Is that what you want, baby? To be fucked so good, you can’t even think about anything else?”

“Yes, yes, please,” you pant, your voice high and desperate. You can feel the orgasm building, Soonyoung's touch is all-consuming, driving you wild with every stroke.

“Such a good girl,” he murmurs.“So eager to please. I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good.”

Here and there, Soonyoung is driving you insane with his body affixed to the wall, one strong arm holding your leg up. His wrist swiveling to match his fingers as they explore your weeping cunt and his repetitive rubbing of the areas that cause you to roll your eyes.

You cry out, gasping as you roll your hips onto his fingers, the orgasm making you forget what would be appropriate at the time. Soonyoung's fingers work you through it, drawing out every last drop of you.

As you come down from the high, you realize you're still clinging to him, fingers deep on his muscular shoulders, your breaths coming in hiccups. Soonyoung pulls his fingers out of you, and you feel a pang of loss.

Your legs feel like jelly, and you can barely stand. Soonyoung catches you, pulling you close.

Soonyoung's eyes rake over you, his smirk widening as he takes in the sight of your trembling legs. “You're trembling,” he chuckle. His gaze drops to the slick mess between your thighs, and he bites his lip, clearly reveling in the sight. “Better than this... you're literally dripping,” appreciating.

He lets your leg down, holding you firmly as he guides you back onto the bed. The plush mattress sinks under your weight.

“God forgive me,” he continues, “but if our mothers weren't in that dressing room that day, I would've fucked you right there in the store. With that princess veil of yours... I would've pinned you against the mirror and made you scream my name.”

Your mouth falls open. The image of him taking you into that bridal shop, surrounded by white lace and satin, hitting you like a punch to the gut.

You're not sure what shocks you more: his bold declaration or the way your body reacts to it, growing wetter with every word.

He smirks at your reaction.

“What's the matter, princess? Cat got your tongue?" He teases. His fingers slip under the waistband of your panties, slowly dragging them down your legs. “Or are you just too turned on to speak?"

He's right; you're completely at his mercy, unable to form a coherent thought, let alone a response.

He strips off his shirt, revealing the sculpted lines of his torso, then shucks off his shorts. His erection strains against the fabric of his boxers, and he groans, closing his eyes and tilting his head back as he palms himself.

“I could've fucked you on that altar,” he visualize. "In front of all those guests. Just to show everyone that no matter how arranged this marriage was, you're mine. No one else's.”

He opens his eyes, locking onto yours. “I would've spread you open right there, had you screaming my name, showing them all who you belong to."

His dirty words, the way he claims you with every syllable, makes your head spin.

Soonyoung's hand moves over his bulge, his eyes never leaving yours. “You don't even know how much I've wanted you,” he hisses. “How much I want to fuck you senseless, make you mine in every way.”

He leans over you, his breath hot against your ear. “And tonight, I'm going to do just that. I'm going to fuck you so hard, you'll forget about everyone else. Just me, and this cock inside you, filling you up until you can't think straight.”

You squirm, your body responding to his filthy promises. You can't tear your eyes away from him, your mind racing with the possibilities of what the night holds.

Soonyoung's fingers brush against the hem of your dress, and you shudder at the contact. “Take it off,” he orders, his voice rough. “I want you naked, spread out on this bed, ready for me.” His eyes bore into yours, and you know he's not just asking—he's demanding.

You slip your dress over your head, tossing it aside as you finally catch sight of Soonyoung completely naked. His hand moves over his erection, the cockhead glistening with precum. The sight makes you lick your lips.

“Can you—” he starts to ask, but you cut him off, not needing him to finish.

“Yes!” you nearly moan. His eyes darken, a smirk playing on his lips as you drop to your knees in front of him.

You take a moment to appreciate the sight before you. His cock is thick and veined, the head an angry red, glossy with precum. You can almost taste it just from looking.

Tentatively, you lean in and press a soft kiss to the tip, tasting the salty precum on your tongue. It's musky and slightly bitter, but it makes you want to choke on this cock. You swirl your tongue around the head, savoring the taste and the way his breath hitches above you.

Soonyoung's hand tangles in your hair, guiding you closer. “Yes, baby,” he groans, his voice thick with need. “Just like that.”

Encouraged by his reaction, you take him deeper into your mouth, your lips stretching around his girth. The texture of his cock is smooth yet rigid, the veins pulsating against your tongue. You hollow your cheeks, creating a tight seal as you bob your head, taking more of him with each movement.

His hips jerk forward involuntarily, and you hear a strangled moan escape his lips. “Shit, that feels so good,” he pants, his grip on your hair tightening. You look up at him through your lashes, your eyes meeting his. The sight of him looking down at you, his face twisted in pleasure, spurs you on.

You slide your hand up his thigh, wrapping it around the base of his cock to stroke what you can't fit in your mouth. Your other hand cups his balls, gently massaging them as you continue to suck him.

You hum around his length, sending vibrations through him. He shudders, a deep groan rumbling from his chest. “You're so fucking good at this,” he praises, his voice breathless. “So eager, so perfect.”

You moan around his cock at the praise. You take him deeper, pushing your limits as you feel him hit the back of your throat. You gag slightly but push through, wanting to please him, wanting to show him how much you want this.

“Y/N,” he gasps, his hips bucking forward again. “You're going to make me cum if you keep doing that.”His voice is strained, you don't know if he's warning you or if he's desperate.

You don't let up, doubling your efforts. You suck harder, your tongue swirling around the sensitive head every time you pull back. Your hand continues to pump the base of his cock, matching the rhythm of your mouth. You can feel him throbbing, his cock pulsing with need.

Soonyoung's moans grow louder, more desperate. His breaths come in uneven pants, his body tense with the need for release. “Fuck, Y/N, I'm so close,” he warns, his voice breaking.

You look up at him, your eyes locking with his as you take him even deeper. You want to see him come undone, to watch him lose control because of you. You feel his cock twitch in your mouth, and with one last swirl of your tongue, he lets out a choked moan.

He comes hard, his hips jerking as he spills into your mouth. The taste of his release floods your senses, warm and salty. You swallow every drop, savoring the way he trembles above you. His hand in your hair tightens, holding you in place as he rides out his orgasm.

His hand gently strokes your hair after, a contrast to the rough grip from moments before. You pull back, licking your lips and savoring the last taste of him.

He lifts you up effortlessly, his lips crashing into yours. He doesn't care that his cock was just in your mouth seconds ago or that his cum lingers on your tongue. The taste of himself on your lips makes him moan, the sound vibrating between you.

After a moment, he pulls back, one hand wrapping around your throat, not tight but firm enough to make you feel his presence. His eyes bore into yours, as he licks his sensitive lips.

“You were sucking me so good,” he rasps, “that I almost said ‘I love you’.”

A laugh bursts out of you, hearty and genuine, and he watches you with a smirk.

“I swear,” he continues, his tone playful. “if I'd known marrying you would come with benefits like this, I would've done it way sooner.” “I feel like I owe you something after that blowjob,” he says, his voice dropping into a deeper, more sultry tone.

You bite your lip, a dirty thought flashing through your mind, and Soonyoung picks up on it immediately. Soonyoung's gaze narrows, reading the filth in your expression

“What is it? What do you want?” he asks excitedly.

“Can you fuck me… doggy style?” you ask.

“Yes, I can,” The corners of his mouth twitch, barely holding back a grin.

You look up, pretending to be lost in thought, then say, “Can you fuck me in missionary?”

He nods again, biting his lip, his grip on your throat tightening just a little.

“Can you fuck me inside… the shower?”

He presses you tightly against him, his hand gripping your waist possessively, but your gaze still eating him whole.

“I can fuck you upside down, sideways, any way you want, baby,” he answers, his voice steady and confident. “Just say the word, and I'll make it happen.”

You moan in response. Too early to say that you're already dumb for his cock?

“Get on all fours and lift that pretty ass for me.”

As you crawl up the bed, you make sure to put on a show. You arch your back, lifting your ass higher, giving Soonyoung the view he wants. You wiggle it a little, teasing him.

The motion makes your pussy lips part slightly, already slick and ready for him. You can feel his eyes on you, burning with thirst. Without warning, his hand comes down hard on your ass, the sharp sting making you gasp. You let out a yelp. You know that mark will be there tomorrow, like a postmark, like a stamp, like a reminder of this moment, and the thought makes you even wetter.

He moves behind you, the bed dipping under his weight. You feel his hands on your hips, gripping you firmly as he positions himself. You can't help but push back against him, seeking more contact.

“So fucking perfect,” he mutters, running his hands over the curves of your ass, squeezing the flesh and kneading it roughly. He spreads you open, taking in the sight of your wetness. “Look at how ready you are for me. You're dripping, baby.”

You moan, pushing back against him, desperate for more. “Please, Soonyoung, I need you.”

“Fuck, you sound so desperate,” he taunts, positioning himself behind you. His cock slides against your folds, teasing you, making you whimper. “Beg for it. Beg for my cock.”

“Please, Soonyoung, fuck me,” you whine. “I need your cock inside me, please. I can’t wait any longer.”

He doesn't tease, doesn't make you wait any longer. He thrusts in with one hard, deep stroke, filling you completely. The sudden intrusion makes you cry out, a slight discomfort as your walls stretch around him. But it makes your toes curl.

“God, you’re so tight,” he groans, gripping your hips as he starts to move. “So fucking tight and wet for me. You feel that? That’s my cock stretching your pussy.”

You moan loudly, the pleasure building with each thrust. “Yes, Soonyoung, I feel it. It feels so good. Fuck me harder.”

He picks up the pace, his hips snapping against yours, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. He reaches around, his fingers finding your clit, rubbing it in tight, fast circles. The sudden burst of pleasure makes you gasp, your body jolting.

He pulls back slowly, only to slam back in, setting a rough, punishing rhythm, making you roll your eyes back.

He's so deep, hitting spots you didn't even know existed. Each thrust makes you see stars, and you can't help but moan loudly, not caring if the entire hotel hears you. The stretch, the fullness, it's all so overwhelming, so fucking good.

“Come on,” he urges, voice a low growl. “Cum for me, baby. Let me feel you squeeze this cock.”

It's all too much. The feel of his cock, his fingers on your clit, the dirty words spilling from his lips—it all sends you over the edge. The second orgasm of the night making you feel already exhausted. Your voice hoarse, as you feel yourself sloppier between your legs.

There's no mercy in his movements; he's fucking you through your high, pushing you beyond your limits. Each time he hits your cervix, a sharp jolt of pleasure-pain ripples through you, making your arms tremble uncontrollably.

You try to hold yourself up, but your strength falters. With a soft cry, your arms give out, and your chest falls against the bed. Soonyoung lets out a low chuckle, a smug grin spreading across his face as he watches you crumble beneath him. Even with your body slack, you're impossibly tight around him, your pussy squeezing him like a vice.

Soonyoung’s hands grip your hips tightly, holding you in place as he continues to pound into you from behind. You can feel his cock throbbing inside you, stretching you, making your walls clench involuntarily around him.

He leans over you, his breath hot against your ear, and you can hear the pride in his voice as he coos, “Aww, look at you. So fucking helpless, so fucking wrecked. You can’t even hold yourself up, can you?”

You can barely muster a response, a breathy whimper escaping your lips as you feel the tears start to stream down your cheeks. It’s an almost incredulous feeling, the tears mixing with the sweat on your face.

You’ve never been fucked like this before, never been pushed to the brink and then beyond, your body betraying you as it trembles under his control. It’s a raw, visceral experience that leaves you gasping for air, your mind a hazy blur of feel.

Soonyoung notices the tears, and his smirk grows wider. “Look at you, crying for me,” he murmurs, his voice low and husky. “Is it too much, baby? Too fucking good? Love being fucked so hard you can’t even think straight?”

His hand moves from your hip to your hair, tangling his fingers in it and pulling your head back, forcing you to arch your back even more. The angle shifts, and he hits that perfect spot inside you, making you moan loudly, your voice cracking with the intensity of it all.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he groans, his hips snapping forward with even more force. “God, you’re squeezing me so fucking hard. It’s like your pussy doesn’t want to let me go.” He punctuates his words with deep, hard thrusts that leave you reeling, each one sending a jolt of pleasure-pain through your body.

“So pretty when you cry,” he continues, his tone almost taunting. “I could do this all day, just watch you fall apart on my cock” His words are filthy, degrading, but they ignite something inside you, a desperate need for more.

The way he speaks to you, the way he claims you with each word and each thrust, is addictive.

You can’t hold back your sobs. “Please,” you manage to choke out, not even sure what you’re begging for anymore.

More, less, anything—just something to ease the dizzying sensation coursing through you.

He laughs softly, a dark, knowing sound that makes your skin prickle. “Please what, baby? You want me to stop? You want me to fuck you harder?”

He pulls out almost completely, the emptiness leaving you gasping, and then slams back in with a force that makes your whole body jolt.

“You’re so fucking greedy. Can’t get enough, can you? You want this cock to ruin you, want me to fuck you so good you’ll feel it for days.”

All you can do is moan and sob, your body shuddering with each thrust as he pounds into you. The bed creaks under the force of his movements, it’s dirty, raw, and utterly nasty.

“Gonna make you cum again,” he murmurs, his voice a dark promise.

And as you feel the tension building inside you again, that familiar coil of pleasure tightening in your belly—you know he’s right.

He lays you gently on the bed, your back sinking into the mattress. Your face, flushed and glistening with sweat, looks completely wrecked, completely exhausted. Soonyoung feels a brief flicker of pity, but it quickly dissipates as you babble out your dirty words, barely coherent but dripping with need. “Please... Soonyoung... more, need you so bad... fuck…”

He smirks, spreading your wobbly legs apart, exposing the slick, swollen mess between them. “You can barely form a sentence, and yet you still want more.”

He slides his cock back inside you, stretching you open once more.

Soonyoung's thumb finds your clit again, and he begins to work it in slow, light-touch circles. The sensation is maddening, a delicious contrast to the deep, methodical thrusts of his cock.

He watches your face intently, drinking in every expression, every gasp and whimper."That's it, baby," he coos. “Let me see that pretty face when you cum.”

You can barely keep your eyes open, your body overly sensitive from the previous orgasms, but he doesn't let up.

His other hand moves to your chest, fondling your breast, his fingers pinching and rolling your nipple before sliding up to wrap around your throat. This time, the grip is firm, real, and you can feel the delicious pressure as he chokes you just enough to make your head spin.

He leans in closer, his eyes never leaving your face.

You cling to him, your arms wrapping tightly around his body, pulling him closer as if you could merge with him, become one. The scent of sweat and skin mingling in the air—it all consumes you.

Your body is trembling, the tension coiling tighter and tighter in your core, a white-hot band of pressure that threatens to snap. Soonyoung's moans are louder now, but they seem distant, like they're coming from underwater, muffled by the roaring in your ears.

His pace quickens, and you feel yourself losing control, your mind slipping away from the physical world. The room, the bed, even Soonyoung—all of it fades into the background.

There's only the blinding, all-encompassing pleasure that fills every nerve, every cell in your body. It's like being pulled under a wave, the sensation crashing over you with a force that's almost violent.

Your thighs tremble uncontrollably, and you can feel the muscles in your abdomen clenching, the buildup to your orgasm reaching its peak.

And then, it hits. The climax rips through you, a white-hot explosion that leaves you gasping, the world narrowing down to the blinding sensation of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

Your back arches off the bed, your mouth opening in a silent scream as your vision goes white. The intensity is mind-numbing, erasing everything else from your mind except the overwhelming euphoria that pulses through you.

Your body shakes with the force of it, your legs quivering, toes curling as the pleasure radiates outward from your core. You can feel the slickness between your thighs, the way your walls flutter and squeeze around Soonyoung, pulling him deeper inside you.

Soonyoung's name falls from your lips in a choked sob, your voice hoarse and trembling.

You slowly come back to reality, feeling the weight of Soonyoung's body on top of you, his cum warm and sticky between your bellies.

Soonyoung pants loudly, trying to catch his breath. He lifts his head slightly to look at you, concern flickering in his eyes despite the satisfied smile on his lips. “You okay, wifey?” he asks.

You manage a weak smile, still feeling the aftershocks of your intense orgasm. “I’m okay, hubby,”

His smile widens, and he leans down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Good,” he murmurs. “You were amazing.”

You chuckle softly, the sound a bit strained. “You weren’t too bad yourself,” you tease, your hand coming up to rest on his back, feeling the muscles still taut from effort.

He laughs, the sound rumbling through his chest and vibrating against your own. “Glad I could satisfy my wife on our first night together,”

“Think we should clean up?” Soonyoung asks after a while.

“Probably,” you agree, though neither of you makes a move to get up just yet. You’re too content, too wrapped up in the warmth and comfort of each other’s presence.

Eventually, with a reluctant sigh, Soonyoung shifts, carefully pulling away from you. The cool air hits your skin, making you shiver slightly. He helps you sit up, his hands gentle and supportive as you both make your way to the bathroom.

The weight of the wedding ring on your finger feels heavier now, more symbolic than ever. It’s not just a piece of jewelry; it’s a constant reminder of the commitment you’ve made and the life you’re building together.

Soonyoung, despite his own exhaustion, is kneeling beside the tub, gently washing you. His focused expression as he works to make sure you’re clean and comfortable. The sight of him, so dedicated and caring, makes your heart swell.

You feel a pang of guilt as you see the tiredness etched on his face, a reminder of how much he’s given for you, both physically and emotionally. Your legs, still trembling from the aftermath of the passion, had given up on you, leaving you reliant on him. The thought of him taking care of you, even in his weariness, makes you feel both grateful and a bit ashamed.

“Hey,” you say softly, reaching out to gently touch his arm. “You don’t have to do this. I can manage on my own.”

Soonyoung looks up at you, his eyes softening as he smiles. “I want to,” he says quietly. “You took care of me earlier, and now it’s my turn to take care of you. Besides, it’s kind of nice, being able to do this for you.”

You look him in the eye and sense the truth in his words. His warm, comforting smile belies the weariness that is evident in the lines on his face.

[...]

As you and Soonyoung lie together in bed, the room is quiet except for the soft rustling of the sheets and the occasional sigh from either of you. The memories of what just happened still lingers in the air, making both of you feel a bit shy and stunned.

As Soonyoung lays his head on your chest, you can feel the warmth of his breath against your skin. He sighs contentedly, his fingers lightly tracing patterns around your breast.

“So,” he begins, his voice tinged with both surprise and a hint of playfulness, “when I hinted at what I wanted, I honestly didn’t think you'd go for it. I was kind of... hoping, but also preparing for a rejection.”

You chuckle softly, your fingers running through his hair. “Oh really? And why not?”

“Well, for one, you’re ridiculously hot. I didn’t think you’d be that into it right off the bat.”

You giggle, feeling a rush of confidence. “Oh, come on. Why wouldn’t I? You’re hot, and let’s be honest, you knew exactly what you were doing.”

“Damn, so you think I’m hot, huh? And here I was thinking I’d have to put in a little more effort.” He rises to look at you, but you make him lay again, your cheeks flushed.

“I can’t believe we managed to go from ‘I do’ to ‘Let’s fuck’ in just a few days. We really don’t waste any time, do we?” You say, grinning.

“Yeah, I guess I underestimated how much I’d resist you, but I knew I was in trouble from the moment we got married… I thought I’d be a strong soldier, holding out a bit longer.”

He hums thinking.

“I’m surprised I managed to hold out for as long as I did.” he finishes.

You raise an eyebrow, a naughty smile playing on your lips. "Well, I guess you’re not as disciplined as you thought. Seems like you fell for me quicker than you’d like to admit.”

Soonyoung’s eyes sparkle. “You’ve got me completely hooked.”

You let out a dramatic sigh, your hand resting on his cheek. “Poor soldier. Captured by the enemy and all. What will you do now?”

He leans in, brushing his lips against yours in a tender kiss. "I guess I’ll just have to surrender to you completely.”

“Even the strongest can fall. And let’s be real, I’m pretty good at making sure my soldiers surrender.” You shrugged, smirking.

He bursts into laughter, shaking his head in disbelief. “Damn, you really know how to make a guy feel like a total pushover.”

“I plan on keeping you hooked, you know—well, at least until the next time we have a ‘conversation’ like tonight."

“Well, if this is what marriage looks like, I think I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.”

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