#and now you have an adult who doesn't know how to process negative emotions without using soda as a crutch

[foofenders]

My Take on Portraits of Your Father (SCP)

[THIS ANALYSIS IS FOR MY FINAL GRADE IN ENGLISH 12 CLASS]

Some disclaimers!

It's been a while since I've properly analyzed this story, so I might have forgotten some elements or get something wrong

POTENTIALLY WRONG INTERPRETATIONS!!

So feel free to respond or correct me about anything I am going to say!

Terrible grammar structure..

Might sound ACCIDENTALLY CONDESCENDING/NEGATIVE DUE TO (probably) WRONG CHOICE OF WORDING!!! english isn't my first language D:

Me rambling

Thanks for reading my project :3

Spoilers if you haven't read it.

------

Fiction's theme is about grief (I guess..?),

The story itself is about Draven Kondraki, who is the father's (Benjamin Kondraki's) son and how he copes with his father's suicide. We get multiple glimpses of memories from Draven's childhood that shaped him now and subtle hints of how his dad wasn't necessarily a good father but tries either way. Not only that, throughout the story readers can see how Draven and his fiancé, James Talloran grieves and how they manage to get through it (or tries to) at the end of the story.

A community challenge/universal experience that can be seen throughout this tale is resilience, because it deals with

Loss of a beloved one

Navigating grief in complex relationships

Moving forward despite the unexpected situation.

---- Some evidences that builds up -------

“Can you hand me that bottle over there?”

“Mm. I think you’ve had enough for tonight, Director,” James says in the low, articulate voice Draven has only heard him use at lab presentations and with his alcoholic father in the throes of one of his episodes.

This explicitly says that the father is already an alcoholic, which would mean he's destroying himself. Draven and James must take on the role of caretakers, emotionally managing the adult who was supposed to care for them, that shows resilience. (But Draven's already an adult and most adults take care of their parents, so it makes sense.)

----

“…I don’t know. That you’ll…not turn out like me, yeah? How about that.” His father lets out a forced chuckle. “Just…don’t be like me. Ever. Don’t do anything I did. I guess that’s what I’m saying.”

“Dad.” Kondraki can’t believe how much his son has grown up — dark curly hair, just like his own. Clean shaven. Green eyes. Tactical gear sporting his name. “…Are you okay?”

He smiles.

“I’m fine, Draven.”

Key things to look at:

Kondraki's awareness of his failures and the pain he cause to himself.

A warning to avoid repeating destructive patterns, reflecting generational trauma.

Kondraki recognizes his own flaws and the negative impact he’s had on Draven’s life, which underscores his internal struggle and desire to protect his son from repeating his mistakes, even if he feels powerless to change himself.

------

A BUNCH OF GLIMPSES OF MEMORIES HERE!!

[CHAPTER 4]

He’s “the smartest man you’ve ever met” because of his books, his multilingual ability, and his impressive job. This reflects how children often elevate their parents to heroic status, meaning that they focus on small signs of greatness without fully understanding the complexities beneath the parent.

[CHAPTER 7]

Draven’s silent, agonizing questions — Why did you do it? Did it hurt? Would you have done it if I stayed?

That's grief. Witnessing his father’s suicide firsthand creates trauma, especially when having to see the dead body in front of you.

The hazy atmosphere reflects how Draven’s mind tries to process trauma. Draven feels a “soft kind of comfort” and warmth in this memory before the tragedy strikes. This moment shows a glimmer of hope, the memory that helps him find warmth and comfort even when the person in that memory doesn't exist anymore.

Waking up screaming from the nightmare shows that Draven hasn't forgotten and obviously is still deeply affected. But! He survives the shock, the pain, and the emotional devastation, showing resilience that takes it slowly, rather than quick recovery.

[CHAPTER 11]

Draven’s father is frantic, showing deep fear and love beneath his anger. His concern with "You could have died!” shows genuine vulnerability and the terror of potentially losing his son.

Despite the tension and harsh words, the moment ends with laughter and tenderness, a release of pent-up stress and a moment of connection. The laughter humanizes the father, showing his flawed but obvious attempts to be present and supportive.

Draven’s acceptance of his dad's presence “he’s there, just like he always is” shows emotional resilience because despite the imperfections, the bond remains a source of comfort.

Though this memory is set before Kondraki's death, there could be foreshadowing. His intense fear of losing Draven foreshadows the tragedy from the first chapter, hinting at the emotional weight both characters carry.

-------

[CHAPTER 12]

James and Draven found a Stephen King book; "Pet Cemetary" which indirectly tells both of them how Kondraki wants to peacefully go, by throwing his ashes into the sea.

"That’s all Draven needed to get an idea of what he wanted his dad’s final stunt to be. He grabs James’ keys from the table and a shovel from the garage and backs out of the driveway at 1am, feeling like Louis Creed."

--------

[FINAL CHAPTER]

You’ve been sad and you will be again, but right now James is saying that you should go to McDonalds before hitting the highway and you say hell yeah, we’re going to McDonalds, because right now the Foundation doesn’t matter and nothing can hold you back. When the dawn grey dissipates, you head onto the highway.

You’re painting a portrait of something old and something new, and everything inbetween.

Just like your father.

Despite the heavy weight of loss and ongoing grief, Draven wants to and chooses to embrace small moments of happiness such as driving around, goofing off, admiring a turtle, laughing with his fiancé. This is resilience as the courage to live fully even when sadness and grief is still there.

Wearing his father’s worn Columbia jacket symbolizes carrying forward his father’s memory not as a burden but as part of himself. It reflects how Draven is integrating past pain with his present self, showing strength in holding onto what matters while moving forward.

Resilience is shown in that scene but it’s subtle and quiet rather than dramatic.

It’s about how Draven and James choose to live and find joy despite the grief and trauma they've endured. The resilience is in the small, everyday acts: driving playfully, noticing a turtle, sharing laughter, and wearing the father's jacket as a symbol of carrying on. These moments reflect an ongoing process of healing and moving forward, which is the essence of resilience.

Yeah that's it thanks for reading.

[fayewoodss]

if you're able to, could you list all of georges nd/autistic traits?

Yes, yes, of course! This will probably get long so I'm going to put a break in it.

Also, before we dive into it, this is again just my own observations as an autistic person and someone who researches autism a lot. Autism is a spectrum, which is why it's called Autism Spectrum Disorder, so many people on the spectrum can and will present traits in different ways and differing levels of frequency/severity. I'm a high masking autistic with low support needs in some areas of my life, and higher needs in others, but that has changed throughout my adult life, so when I talk about what I see in George, note that some things may be more/less noticeable depending on time.

I've talked about some of the things I'm going to mention before

(I think you and most people interested in gautism theorizing know this, but misinformation and stigma about autism is really rampant, so I like to cover my bases.)

Socialization

One of the main traits in autistic people is difficulty socializing with peers. They often miss social cues, struggle with deciphering emotions, and overall find it difficult to make and maintain friends. A lot of these leads to the assumption that autistic people are rude and unempathetic, among other things.

When George first started streaming, he was incredibly shy and anxious, having many boundaries around what he would show on camera (example: not drinking or eating on stream) and what he would read out loud from chat. Because of this, he would come off as cold or rude at times trying to maintain those boundaries and find the balance between his personal comfort and his career as an entertainer.

It's probably normal for a lot of people to be shy in front of a camera and an audience, but the socialization aspect of his career was clearly a challenging thing he had to grow into over time. It wasn't necessarily the idea of streaming or YouTube that was hard for him, because he's been making videos since before he was GeorgeNotFound, but handling a large audience that wanted to interact with him in real time was relatively new, and even led him to unlisting some videos as his audience grew.

I think the foot cam video is an example of this of something he was fine recording and uploading, thinking it was funny in the moment, but then as his audience grew larger and with it came more opinions, he eventually unlisted it. I obviously don't know ow his exact reason, but as an autistic person there are many instances where I post something I think it fun and silly, but then when it gets attention, whether positive or negative, I feel awkward about how I'm perceived and misunderstand how people are reacting to it. Seeing he went from playing Bedwars with his foot in full view to hiding his feet for years, I think it's a reasonable assumption to make.

Now, as he's become more comfortable with streaming and recording, loosening up certain boundaries and unmasking as time goes on, I do think there are still some things with socialization that fall into the traits and patterns of autism. I'll just list those out instead of a full break down:

Making offputting jokes or comments at inappropriate times

Misunderstanding others jokes and sarcasm and constantly asking for clarification (bonus: saying something isn't funny if he doesn't understand but everyone else does)

Taking things very literally and engaging in hypotheticals with a sincere/literal perspective

Struggling to make eye contact with people that he isn't close to

Even then, struggling to maintain contact with people he is close to (post on eye contact here)

Talking past people or over people instead of talking to them

Invading the personal space of others unknowingly or without thought, but getting upset when others invade his space

Often failing to recognize the emotions of others and incidentally hurting them in the process

Difficulty apologizing despite feeling remorse

Difficulty identifying, understanding, and communicating his emotions

Using strange vocabulary in conversations (Constant use of video game phraseology like "loot" and "despawn," as well as using large, "fancy" words at odd times)

Scripting out conversations, especially in anticipation for unplanned interaction (most recently seen in his fishing streams where he outright says he scripts conversations in case other fishermen speak to him)

Difficulty making and keeping friends outside of his very small social circle

I'm sure there are more things I could list here, as well as give more specific examples for some. If I have the time in the future, I may compile clips of certain instances, but unfortunately a lot of old clips I had on tiktok are now deleted.

I do think with George opening up a lot more recently about how he thinks and feels about a lot of things, it helps to provide more context for a lot of past behaviors and social interactions. I think a lot of late diagnosed and high masking people often feel awkward and insecure about their social behavior without knowing why, and while George doesn't know why beyond just being anxious, he is consistently questioning his interactions and socialization.

Functioning

George's difficulties with executive function and caring for himself often come under a lot of scrutiny and get boiled down to him just being lazy. While I don't think this is a fully unprecedented opinion, I think it fails to recognize how George's difficulty with functioning both in his personal life and his work life aren't new problems that arose in 2023/2024.

First off, pre-career, we know that while he was a relatively good student, he ended up dropping out during his A-Levels and needing to redo them. His primarily struggled with motivation and lack of interest rather than not understanding the material. He eventually went back and did them, but it seemed to take family involvement to push him to do that.

At the beginning of his career, George lived with his family still despite having graduated college. Many young adults after college might move back home and the average age of children officially moving out falls between 24-26, so it's not completely unheard of, but it is more common for autistic people to live with their parents for longer. On top of that, we know that he had very limited work experience after school and struggled with self motivation.

After moving to his flat, this is where we all witnessed a decline in his mental health, and to an extent his physical health. He was very depressed, struggling to consistently feed himself or maintain a proper sleep schedule, and in many ways isolated himself outside of obligations with work. There are many factors that went into this, like the struggle in getting his Visa, but the move from living with assistance to living alone clearly had a drastic negative impact on him, even if he was creating content.

Moving forward to today, while he clearly has better personal routines and habits, benefitting from living with others, his work does suffer from issues with executive dysfunction. I won't go into a full breakdown of other reasons for lack of content, but from his own explanation in his Twitter stream, it's clear that executive dysfunction is a very real problem for him. I'll list out more specifics on his functioning routines and struggles within them:

Struggling to complete tasks on his own

Inability to motivate himself, often requiring someone to work with him or provide a body double to focus

Overcomplicating tasks and spending more time thinking about an idealized outcome than working

Overthinking tasks related to work and assuming the failure would be inevitable, so he ultimately decides not to pursue the tasks

Unorganized or nonexistent schedules both in his personal life and work life (poor and inconsistent sleep schedule and not following any kind of stream/upload schedule)

Troubles with making decisions, self described "decision fatigue"

Easily overwhelmed by tasks both big and small

Sensory and Stimulation

I've shared a lot about this already, so I will first link my previous posts on observations of this behavior. These do go a bit more into RPF headcanon territory, but since they are still grounded in observation, I feel it's fair to include them.

Sensory

Stimming

Overstimulation

Now, sharing more thoughts here.

Starting off with his reactions to sensory input. We've seen a fair share of him both struggling with sensory issues and also seeking out comforting sensory experiences. I think his sensory issues are a bit more prevalent at times because he's more prone to complaining, but here are several examples of sensory aversions I can think of right off the bat:

In the Glaive stream, he physically struggled with the volume of the music playing through one of the pairs of headphones (others commented on it being loud, but didn't have as extreme of a reaction as he did)

Struggling with other loud environments, especially areas where noise may be amplified or complex

Enjoying making loud noises himself, but not enjoying it when others do the same

Many food aversions, mostly due to textural elements (tomatoes, avocado, mushrooms, cinnamon, etc. some of which he has grown to tolerate or like, but clearly has a list of unsafe foods and struggles to try new foods)

Struggles with certain textures and often overreacts when handling said textures

Issues with personal space and touch that he does not initiate himself

Now for more sensory seeking behavior, or other sensory behaviors that aren't negative:

Wearing a lot of the same clothing items repeatedly or wearing clothing items of similar textiles, usually loose and soft, opting for elastic waistbands for pants more often than structured ones

Wearing only one specific style and brand of socks

Eating a lot of repeat meals or food items, limited palate (same with drinks)

Smelling things or bringing things to his nose/lips before interacting with them properly

Wearing headphones in public, often times not even listening to music but using them more for noise cancellation

A lot of sensory seeking is also tied in with stimming as stimming is seeking stimulation via different sensory inputs, so everything I put previously was a bit more passive sensory seeking while stimming will be things I observe as being more active or engaged. This is really only for organization purposes, so interpret any type of categorization how you'd like.

I don't have too much to add beyond my initial linked post about stimming, but I'll still provide a list of examples:

Dancing, rocking, and jumping are commonplace for him, sometimes appropriate to the situation, like jumping with Dream in the face reveal vlog, but other times done in a more self soothing way, like in the Sidemen's tag video where he is rocks and twists in place during the outro (and overall very fidgety and restless compared to the others in the video)

Showing great interest and excitement for finding and using fidget toys or tools with moving/mechanical parts with them

Hand flapping and waving

Lots of vocal stimming, often repeating sounds he enjoys (like with imitating his fishing rod) or repeating phrases or finding word associations for things he hears in games, movies, songs, etc. (as a recent example, in the "we are liars" stream he kept repeating the names of the cards)

Miscellaneous Traits

Funny voices and imitations along with his vocal stims

Special Interests and Hyperfixations

There is a difference between hyperfixations and special interests. Though most neurodivergent people likely know this, a lot of allistic and/or neurotypical social media will water down the meanings of the two and use them interchangeably, or use them to describe a normal interest of something. The key thing about both hyperfixations and special interests is that they are a lot more intense and obsessive in the interest and behavior around it, as opposed to a regular interest.

Hyperfixations are often a short lived but extremely intense interest that can bring both enjoyment but also dysfunction. It can spur obsessive thoughts that impede functioning and focus. While it can still be a source of joy, it can be overwhelmingly and consuming.

Special interests are typically long lasting and primarily observed as sources of enjoyment and expertise. It often becomes an important part of an autistic person's identity, but to a point where that person may find it difficult to engage in socialization that isn't around said interest. (Also an issue with hyperfixations.)

I would argue this one is a bit harder to observe. I think it's easier to observe possible special interests in George, more so because we can outwardly see joy and excitement through his interests and knowledge of them. Whereas it's harder to recognize if something is a hyperfixation without knowing his daily activities. Not that hyperfixations must be disruptive and negative by nature, but there's a line to walk between "new hobby" and "hyperfixation" that the internet forgets.

Possible Special Interests:

Harry Potter

Read the books a few times and then continued to listen to them in audiobook format every day for several years

Noted to have seen the movies enough times to have entire scenes memorized down to set design and props in the background (and able to recall it without visual aid)

Small collection of Harry Potter items, never displayed on camera but mentioned in passing, as well as receiving HP related gifts on camera

Debating chat on HP opinions on multiple occasions

Universal Studios livestream where he was in the HP section of the park and enjoying himself but also upset/annoyed that he wasn't able to do everything because of limitations and awkwardness with streaming

Minions

This one is a bit trickier because I feel his special interest in minions is more for the iconography than the world and story of the minions, but he has mentioned the movies and certain names and events from time to time.

Large collection of Minion related items, mostly fan gifts but still displayed and spoken about with care and knowledge

Universal Studios livestream where he spent a good chunk of time in the Minion section of the park, returning back to it for gimmicky food and a photo with the Minion mascots

Excitedly mentioning the Minion Cafe in a stream with Sapnap, and was annoyed they didn't go. (Halloween stream I think?)

Constant associations to Minions and Minion related items

Several Minions clothing items

Designer Sneaker Brands

Previously a reseller of Supreme and other designer brand sneakers

Knowledge of shoes and shoe brands, as well as designer trends

Shown to be very picky and particular of the designer sneakers he buys

Takes very good care of his designer shoes and what/where he will wear them for/to

I do also believe that Runescape may have been special interest for him at one point. He's talked about the mechanics of the game in depth, despite not playing in years. His sister would make Runescape-esque games for him to play with her. He bonded with Austin Show partially over a shared love and interest in Runescape. It's silly, but I would love to hear him open up about games that were important to him through most of his childhood/adolescence.

I don't have too much to add in terms of hyperfixations. I believe Dream is more prone to hyperfixations and hyperfixated behavior, but I am curious to see if fishing becomes a long term hobby of George's or if it is a hyperfixation. He clearly had enough of an intense interest to purchase a lot of expensive gear and research into it, but also has a long way to go in knowledge and skill of the sport, but also lake life and ecosystems.

He does have a lot of strange and random facts that I think could have been associated with past hyperfixations, such as catching, studying, and releasing frogs, bees, and other small creatures. His knowledge has waned, but he will still bring up the stories and the facts he does remember with great love and sentimentality

Other than that, I really don't have much to add in terms of hyperfixations, but I would love to hear what others may have observed as possibly hyperfixated behavior.

Poor and awkward posture

Awkward hand placement and gestures, as well as constantly holding his hands

Uncoordinated and clumsy movement

Walking on his toes and/or the balls of his feet

Atypical reactions and/or overreactions to things (in a broader sense outside of what I previously discussed)

Lack of personal volume control

Finding more connection or comfort in animals over people

Vast and seemingly random collection of facts and unrelated knowledge

Collecting random and often meaningless objects out of sentimentally for a moment or a person (and often trying to give it to said person, exhibiting penguin pebbling, and usually being met with rejection)

I will go ahead and end it there! I'm certain there is more I could add, and maybe in the future I'll go back and include direct links to certain clips and streams, but for now these are all my observations and descriptions of George's autistic traits and behaviors. Some of them also fit into a broad sense of neurodivergency, of course, so make of it what you will. I hope you enjoy these thoughts. :]

[princess-of-the-corner]

Had some thoughts on the "Its easier than you're making it" idea, where Kagami, due to hanging out with Chloe for reasons, realizes that she can actually be very easily directed towards less harmful or positive behavior. One just needs to approach it with firm, clear instruction, rather than relying on aggression, ideals or emotions.

Agression:

We already know how Chloe responds to aggression, she fights back, or takes a lick then comes back to fight later. punishing, shouting or beating her doesn't do anything.

All Chloe learns is that she didn't win, not that she shouldn't have fought at all.

Ideals:

Trying to reach Chloe via ideals or morals is a waste of time at least early on. Andre, who ostensibly raised her explicitly taught her to extort, cheat, bribe and threaten; the other adults in her life all suck equally much. She has no reason beyond her own lack of success to think they are wrong or immoral & wouldn't want to think that of them.

Basically, unless you are already a respected person & can communicate your ideas clearly, you are wasting time.

Emotions:

Chloe does have empathy, we see her show flashes of guilt at unintended harm or sadness or a love one suffering. But these quickly get lost if angered or are things she only expresses when alone, or when utterly overwhelmed. Chloe fucking HATES being vulnerable.

Real vulnerable anyway.

Cos she is otherwise very expressive, but its all performative. "Produce tears here, to extract concession there" thought processes; big performative actions of sadness or hurt in a context she's already deemed a competitive environment aren't liable to have an effect, as Rose saw. She's not liable to see it as anything but someone doing an act, why would someone intentionally bare their belly like that? Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!

Plus there's there simple fact she's used to emotional neglect, cruelty from her father that's tacitly endorsed by her father & whatever it is about Gabriel that makes her nervous. She still loves these people, so clearly it shouldn't be a big deal if she hurts someone, she's hurting all the time after all.

Add in that understanding or articulating this would be beyond her skill range and you have a concoction for someone who is not going to be open to common methods of behavioral correction or improvement.

Anger doesn't just makes her fight.

Morality is utterly relative at the best of times.

Emotions freak her out, are fake & cruelty is normalized.

One needs to get her to like... Being able to so much as communicate with others without a fight or incredibly skewed dynamic forming before one can conceive of unpacking all this!

Honestly though just fucking.

Chloé's skewed upbringing means that negative reinforcement doesn't do jack shit to her. It doesn't teach the right lesson. It's never 'what you're doing is wrong/bad/harmful' it's 'you didn't try hard enough to succeed at what you were trying'

It can occasionally work if you say directly what the problem is! Like Adrien saying 'you're mean to my friends, I don't like that, if you don't fix it I can't be associated with you'. That gets her to fix things to an extent.

But people rarely do that and more often insult her. Which, given her parents' actions, means she thinks that she needs to do what she did again but better.

/Positive/ reinforcement works so much better for getting her to actually do good things! Telling her she did a good job at something. Leading her to a better solution that still gets what she wants but without hurting people.

And I know some people will complain that this is babying her and yadda yadda but yes! Baby steps! She's someone who is just now learning how to be a decent person after years of being taught to be awful! Ofc you have to treat her very delicately like a baby!

[pokelolmc]

Fixing TUE Part 2.5--How I'd change Dan's story.

This is my take on Dan's narrative as "Danny's evil future self" in my analysis of The Ultimate Enemy. You can find part two here:

(Part 2), Part 2.5, (Part 3)

The episode tried to play the "alternate timeline evil self" straight, but turning Dan into a Danny and Vlad fusion causes it to veer off the "Dan is Danny turned evil" mark and contradict the episode's previous setup.

I'll admit, I got a bit negative in the last post, so it's a good thing this is more about ideas for improvements.

The obvious choice is either: make Dan literally just Danny/Phantom as an adult, turned evil (to play into the original narrative) or keep the fusion aspect and subvert the narrative.

So, while it'd make for a much more straightfoward/correct "villain self" story if Dan really was just if "Danny woke up and chose violence", I think I'd stick with the fusion aspect. Because that leaves so many interesting questions to explore about identity and moral responsibility--and it'd create an interesting twist on the typical "alternative villain self" trope.

Let's say that the new version of the episode follows a similar portrayal of Dan to canon initially--"Dan is Danny's evil future self", "Danny is going to become Dan" (without Clockwork's commentary, since he knows better)--and Danny agonises over it (after he actually makes legitimate moral mistakes in the episode and feels guilty about it, like actively abusing his ghost powers to cheat the CAT).

Then he finds out how Dan was actually created, and it's treated like a plot twist. The final act reveals that Dan is a fusion of two ghost halves, and Danny's not responsible for Dan in the same way he thought he was. Alternate!Phantom is still a part of Dan, but Dan and Danny's dynamic is different now.

In-universe, maybe the reason Dan only identifies as Danny is he didn’t want to remember the truth of his creation, and went into complete denial. The fact that he was born from Danny and Vlad's deep grief/loss/loneliness/emotional pain was too much for him to confront. It was one massive, overwhelming, toxic concoction. So, he decided he’d rather forget it. Since Vlad’s human half was still alive somewhere and could meet him again (reminding him of his fusion nature), his mind could’ve chosen to disconnect from the Plasmius component of his identity.

Instead, he deluded himself into believing that he was just a Danny who turned evil after he lost his loved ones and “purified” himself of his painful human half, since Danny’s identity was the most convenient to appropriate (with his human half being dead,  and all) and the fusion woke up with Danny's logo.

Ironically, he didn’t actually lose his painful emotions. The halfa-splitting sorted deep emotional pain into the two ghost halves—based on the mental states/desires of the halfas when the separations occurred (eg., Danny’s desire to remove his pain). Rather than “ridding himself of emotions”, he became that negativity/pain incarnate, and it came out in the most destructive and monstrous way possible. After all, anger and wrath can come from a defence/vent for unacknowledged pain.

When Danny learns of Dan's backstory, he has to take a step back to process it all. He knows that Alternate!Vlad's too weak to kill him, even with the Ghost Gauntlets, so he reluctantly trusts his nemesis(...?) and makes a deal--if Vlad knows anything that could be used to stop Dan, give it over to Danny and he can go after Dan himself to undo everything in the past. No fight for the sake of a cutaway gag, here--we get some relationship development (on Danny's end, at least).

Vlad reluctantly agrees (he believes there's no way Danny can win, but he doesn't have much else of a choice--he's backed into a corner, and just thinks "What the hell? I've got nothing...")...and that triggers him to admit what happened ten years ago. Then he gives Danny the Ghost Gauntlets willingly and gets all serious:

"...Daniel?"

"...Yeah?"

"You have to promise me one thing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just swear it!"

"O-okay, okay! Jeez! I swear. Happy?"

Vlad looks down pensively before his sunken, hollow eyes bury into Danny's with alarming clarity.

"If you fail...NEVER go to me. Leave Amity Park, move to another country, hide in the Ghost Zone...I don't care. Just...stay away from me, at all costs. If I chase you, run. Run like the world depends on it."

For someone who's never seen Vlad want nothing to do with him before...acting more like Danny's response to Vlad's advances in the past...it's bizarre. It prompts him to question what's really going on in Vlad's head in his own timeline, and what if there's something still in him like this?

So Dan's backstory actually affects the plot, and plays a role in the climax of the episode. And even though he doesn't show up in person, we address Vlad's responsibility in Dan's creation and he gets to contibute, willingly and meaningfully--by providing Danny with Dan's backstory (not just the Ghost Gauntlets Danny stole from him in combat).

It could come into play as a psychological weapon, to shatter Dan's denial— “I’m not you, Dan…I CREATED you!”, “You’re not me, you were MY MISTAKE!”, causing Dan to have a third-act breakdown (technically not main!Danny's mistake, since he's not Alternate!Danny, but he's putting it in the words Dan used in order to correct him). Then the Ghostly Wail can finish him off...or maybe he's strong enough that the Ghostly Wail doesn't end him, and it's the shock of the revelation that immobilises him enough for Danny to get him into the thermos.

[slimesaurian]

Hey. Uh. It's Breeze.

I know this is so weird to do out of the blue, but despite everything I still consider you my best friend. I think a lot of the hurt and anger that I felt left me, and I'm kind of just...here. Worn out, tired.

A lot has changed since we last spoke - I've been going to therapy, taking new meds, and learning myself all over again.

I got the soft diagnosis that I have borderline personality disorder *and* the for sure diagnosis that I'm autistic.

David and I have genuinely been doing a lot better, and in the last couple years we recognize how the both of us have negatively impacted our relationship - Him asserting this and also going to therapy has been a huge help.

We still struggle, but I feel like things are way better than they used to be.

But the purpose of this message isn't to tell you "omg David and I are soooo much better now!!" - it's just.

I wish we never moved in together - not because I thought you were a bad roommate or anything - but because it just absolutely decimated our friendship. I know you had to leave Tucson, but I wish I helped you get out of there in a way that didn't sacrifice our friendship in the process.

I went back to Tucson in December to see my family, and it was weird not having you in town anymore. One of my favorite things about going back was that I got to see you again. My trip felt emptier for it.

I don't know. Maybe you still hate my guts, and you don't want to be associated with me at all and honestly?

I wouldn't blame you, I get it. I was (and still 100% can be) a huge asshole. I should've handled things way better.

I'm not expecting a response, and you're definitely absolutely not obligated to give me but

If you need anything, no matter how long it's been or if we continue to not speak to each other for another decade, please just know: my door is always open. You could show up at my front door and I would let you in without a second thought.

I really do miss you. I hope you're okay and I genuinely hope life has been kind to you. Every time I see anything Binding of Isaac related I always think of you.

You probably still have my number so, just shoot me a text if you ever need me.

I wish you all the best.

I've been thinking about this all morning and I've been trying to formulate my thoughts to be as intentional as possible but there will always be emotional subjectivity so maybe it won't ever be the perfect message I want it to be so fuck it.

To be honest, I don't really know where to start. I don't know what I want to say or address because frankly, I've grown past what we were and the hurt we inflicted on each other and I only dwell on it insofar as how much it still affects me and my relationships moving forward. Sure I regret a lot of things and I know that I propagated my own share of hurt and pain, but we are all products of our circumstances. It doesn't excuse either of us.

I'm not blameless. Our entire friendship came about from our maladaptive, dysfunctional, unconsciously-ingrained beliefs of what a healthy relationship looked like. The foundation was made of rotten wood yet we still kept building the house on top of it. Maybe in a different timeline we would have had the freedom to recognize that and the resources to replace it.

But ultimately, it happened. It fell apart and we both got injured by the debris. When I think about my transition and where I am compared to 2022, it's still impossible to distance myself from the anger and pain. I deserved stability and freedom to learn who I was and to nurture this infant personality and state of being. I'm going to forever be bitter that between our fallout and the dysfunctional polycule I fell into for survival after have left me with so little opportunity to actually do that until now where I'm a jaded woman living alone with trust issues. But at the same time I recognize that you were also a young adult fighting your own demons and you couldn't take on that responsibility, even if you truly wanted to. I don't think I can bring myself to forgive you, but at the same time I acknowledge we are all our own universes that no one else will ever truly know.

I still care about you. I end up unconsciously being drawn to people that remind me of you. And it honestly can kick the shit out of me in my lower points thinking about who I've lost. But I've grown. I've found a community I can not only lean on but provide my own means of mutual aid within. I've found friends who love me despite the self defense barbs I've grown. I've found healthier things. And if I'm being honest? I don't want to ever be leaning on you again. Part of it is admittedly the slowly-waning bitterness and trust issues that our fallout imparted in me, but additionally, our entire relationship revolved around a sense of "duty" to be there at the worst times. I dont want to rekindle that fire for either of our sakes. I'm alive and have found a purpose and a calling that will hopefully keep me that way for a while to come.

I hope you don't mind but I'd like to close with some advice along with a rhetorical question for you to reflect on if you haven't already. Why did you reach out? What was your goal with this anon? I wish to believe that you've grown and improved, and I don't mean to cast aspersions on that, but like I said earlier: there is no way to fully know anyone except yourself. Did you reach out in a moment of weakness longing for the comfort of someone who loved you? Were you simply expressing concern for someone you cared about who is at risk in this political environment? Was it a closing of the book, an afterword on a long tale that you felt the need to write? These answers aren't for me, they're for you. What do you want out of your life? What do you miss about us? What types of people do you want to surround yourself with? Sit with these questions and accept that the past is the past. Maybe some day we'll run across each other and catch up as the new and improved models of earlier prototypes, but we can't keep picking at the scab and expect to heal.

I love you and farewell.

[jd-205]

Yaz Şarkısı episode 3

Below are my thoughts about episode 3, again with major spoilers included.

(More like an incoherent rambling than thoughts but it is what it is lmao)

This time my notes are more or less in chronological order just as the episode progressed.

Overall thoughts:

Yaz and Kemal actually look kinda cute together. Their together scenes were cute.

I also like Yaz and Murat together though, so like... I'd be alright with either outcome given decent circumstances.

The more i see the more i adore Yaz and Murat. YazMur is probably the way to go. The way they're looking at each other omg. At this point i prefer YazMur over YazKem for sure!

Murat is my favourite character and probably the only character towards whom I have no negative emotions at all. Efekan is very talented actor. He can show wide range of emotions only using eyes which i always love.

Some of the scenes were actually funny.

Chronological order:

• What the hell is wrong with Emine and her problem solving methods always including a gun?!?! I mean, how can you do that? Adults usually,... I don't know... TALK before taking out a fucking weapon! On the side note: I don't know the process of obtaining a gun in Turkey but here you must pass a psychological tests to be eligible for a weapon license. And Emine for sure wouldn't pass that...

• I know we shouldn't sympathize with Neri but like..., she had every right to call police. I mean if you were at someone's house and heard a gunshot out of nowhere wouldn't it be the logical thing to do when you have no idea what's happening and are scared for your life? Maybe she could withdraw the lawsuit, it would probably be the right thing to do but like. I was kinda okay with the outcome, Emine doesn't have a weapon anymore which makes everyone in her proximity automatically much safer lmao (I'm only half joking now... I'm seriously glad she's not armed anymore).

• Aslı is really getting on my nerves. Girl, Kemal doesn't want to have anything with you, just accept that and move on. She is really really really awful person. All the stuff she does to Yaz and then she acts as her best friend, I wish she will suffer consequences of all her awful actions. And how she's always touching Kemal, aaahhh, if it was the other way around it would be immediately called workplace harassment. Just, i hate her.

• I have a mixed feeling towards Defne, i don't know. Sometimes she seems as a chill and kind person. But on the negative note, how she was flirting with the guy, like he said he didn't want to join the party and he didn't want anything to drink. Defne should just accept no as an answer and not push harder. Then she spills tea over everything. They spent whole night fixing everything she ruined because of the tea escapade. The guy tells her it would probably be for the best if she doesn't walk around his desk in the future (given the stuff that happened) and he's the bad guy? Like... How? In the scene both Aslı and Defne gave signs of toxic behavior imho.

• Poor Murat!!!!!!!! Murat, my dear, you deserve someone better than Yaz, someone who will truly love you and appreciate your efforts! He was done dirty. I mean, sorry to break it to Yaz, but people on average just can't lie their way out of everything without wink of an eye. Yaz started the game of fake marriage proposal. If we put Murat's love to Yaz aside, he wanted to help his friend and played along. They start to be in a mess because of all the lies and when he wanted to tell his MOTHER truth after she FAINTED before, he is the bad guy? Yaz, you should be thankful Murat plays along with you! Show some respect and be thankful! He tried his best and unfortunately it just didn't went according to Yaz's expectations and she's angry at him that his mom made a conclusion Yaz must be pregnant if they want to marry asap. That's bad, I agree, but 1. he couldn't say otherwise beacuse she passed out from shock again and 2. Yaz's lie started the game so Murat really isn't the one to blame.

• I disliked how Yaz went to breakfast with Kemal rather than dealing with all the mess and leaving Murat behind.

• WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YAZ'S FAMILY?!?!?! WHY THE HELL DID THEY KIDNAPPED MURAT?!?!? WTF?!?! Again, I truly don't understand Emine's concept of problem solving... She thought she would stay in jail so she made her relatives kidnapp her son-in-law? Does it make any sense?

• Murat, please, turn around and RUN! Run away from Yaz and her toxic family.... If someone kidnapped me I would never forget and I would probably also not forgive.

• To be fair, Murat should have said to his mom that Yaz is in fact not pregnant. Like why would he let his mom think that? No reason for that. Fake wedding is one thing which is like... kinda easy to cancel but a BABY? That's not so easy to lie about. If he didn't want to tell his mom the whole truth (because he wants to help Yaz (but it does him more harm than good imho) but okay understandable) he DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE told her that it was a misunderstanding and Yaz is not pregnant. No reason to make even bigger mess of the situation than it is.

• I'm so glad Murat stood up for himself! You go, my dear! Tell Yaz that she needs to value your efforts!!!

• I'm so happy Murat also saw right through the fake facade of Aslı. The only people who still thinks she is a genuinely nice person are Yaz, Defne (and probably Fadime). Hopefully Yaz will soon also realize what kind of person Aslı really is.

• I'm glad Murat and Yaz reconciled and that Yaz acknowledged her mistake(s). That was very cute scene.

• Yaz again left Murat behind and went away with Kemal. Even though she promised Murat they would go to his mom together. Her actions are kinda saddening. Once again, poor Murat.

• I don't like Sema at all... At all...

• I HATE unnecessary shirtless scenes (which are pretty much all of them lmao), but like I'm not exactly the target audience so it is, what it is 🤦🏽‍♂️😂.

• Yaz really is egoistic af. (Kemal also though.) Murat was so right during his argument with Yaz. No one thinks about him or take him into account. I wholeheartedly agreed with every sentence he said. He is damn right!!! They both are in a difficult situation but Yaz started the game.

• Don't even know what to say about the end tbh. I truly don't know. I think it will be for the best if the truth came out, rather sooner than later. So I'm kinda okey with that. Hopefully they will find out Aslı is behind everything and at least fire her. At least...

Final note:

As someone on twitter mentioned, it would seem logical to me, if YazMur were the way the story unfolds. Like Yaz is in love with this idea of Kemal, the perfect Kemal, which is only her dream though. In reality he's nothing like in her fantasies. So it would be great if she found out that she's in fact not in love with the real Kemal and will realize Murat, who's truly in love with her, will make her happier in life. I want Yaz to fall in love with Murat very much!!!! Let's break the cliches and stereotypes and make Yaz and Murat a happy lovely couple.

[justanothersyscourse]

Had an interesting conversation and I wanted to talk about it. This is a conversation mainly about dysfunction and distress, and ways it presents-- and how you, personally, don't need to be either to still be disordered. SO.

I don't find DPDR episodes to be distressing.

In fact, I would even go so far as to say that in the vast majority of episodes, I enjoy the experience (especially now that I understand what's happening, and the why and how).

No feels, no cares, no existence-- not me, not my life, not my problems. I appreciate the ability to go away for a while from my overwhelming emotions.

And that's SUPER dysfunctional of me, even if I enjoy it and I'm not distressed by it, because I should be able to handle minor stresses without dissociating to high hell-- and worse, enjoying it (behavioral addiction ftw).

But you know who DOES find these episodes to be distressing? My partner, especially when it happens when we're out and about doing things, when he needs us--any of us, all of us, to be there, in the moment, functionally doing adult things with him.

He doesn't need the added stress and work of leading around a floating, vaguely fussy zombie while pushing a cart full of food and trying to sort out the financial part of what's looking to be a couple hundred dollar grocery trip.

Any distress I might feel about these episodes is purely in regards to my partner's negative reactions to them.

He does his best, and he tries hard not to be upset, but I know he is, and sometimes it results in an argument and hard feelings.

This social dysfunction matters.

While I am personally fine (even happy), my symptoms have effects that create dysfunctions in my relationships and with/in other people in my life, and that's just as important to the diagnostic process.

I think it's very much ignored by the communities as an avenue of discussion. I think it gets lost in the conversation of validity and under this general feeling of... The world should cater to us (not in a negative way, just as a general statement). But it shouldn't, and we shouldn't be allowed to just do whatever we want, effects on others be damned.

Like, I don't often see conversations in the system community about dysfunction in positive, healthy relationships. There's lots of discussion around unhealthy relationships with parents and siblings, etc, but not how our symptoms affect the people we care about and those who want to see us get better.

I would even go so far as to say that the opinions and needs of others (like partners) are often ignored in the conversation of dysfunction and distress.

We all act like it's about us, us, us, but we forget that the way our behaviour and symptoms effects others is just as important in the diagnostic process and the discussion of functionality.

I would love to hear others' stories and thoughts on this.

[softpine]

Ok I know this sounds bad but man…I find Elaine kind of annoying? Like, she does come off as very immature to me and it’s bothersome to see so many people translate that into innocence and…blindly defend her (especially the Austin haters). Elaine has flaws. She’s nosy. She doesn’t know when to stop. She doesn’t think far ahead. Yes, she is kind and funny and seems very sweet…but she’s flawed. I just wish people would look at her more critically like they do with Austin instead of trying to make her into a “perfect victim”. I’m blowing up Austin haters with my mind.

tbh... for every 1 austin hater there are 3 people condemning an austin hater. he's not getting nearly as much hate as people think he is jfksjds but the beauty of literary analysis is that everyone connects to different characters, so i'm not going to try to change your mind (i wouldn't want to even if i could, your interpretation is your own), i just want to share my thought process!

re: elaine having flaws. i agree!! i put a lot of care into making sure that each character has their own issues. i'm glad you see flaws in elaine, because they're there to create conflict. she is immature. sometimes her actions are completely unjustified, because my goal is to humanize every character, not to either endorse or denounce their actions. humans make confusing decisions when emotions are involved. another thing i do is put characters together who have flaws that will multiply in each others' presence. elaine is trusting and naive to a fault, she'll dig her nails into something before she lets it slip from her fingers, she's insecure in every way, and she has a very specific, fairy tale-esque view of her life, which she'll try desperately to make fit even when it doesn't work. she's 17 and she acts 17. austin is the opposite: he's realistic to a cynical degree, he thinks his life is shit and it will always be shit, but he's confident (sometimes annoyingly so) in his own abilities, and he has very little patience for trying to figure people out; tell it to him straight or he won't even try to understand. he's 18 but he's acted like an adult all his life. each of their flaws, which on their own wouldn't be so drastic, are compounded when they're together. austin himself is aware of their differences:

when previously, austin thought it was cute how elaine could be endlessly whimsical and care so deeply about other people, now he's wondering if maybe those traits are born from a lack of self identity. elaine interprets it as austin thinking she's "stupid" when that isn't the case – "stupid" is how elaine feels about herself. i also think it's important to note that austin knew exactly who elaine was when he asked her out. he likes her personality and that includes her flaws. (i don't want to go too far into detail because after just 1 more scene you'll hear it from his own mouth). it's only in moments of conflict that these personality traits take on a negative connotation.

the same concept can be applied to the scene we just saw. elaine's flaws (being too nosy, taking things personally when they have nothing to do with her) are compounded due to stevie's flaws (closing herself off out of fear, every emotion feels BIG because she was never taught how to deal with them). suddenly, elaine's interest in stevie's relationship is a bad thing, when previously stevie joked about it and had no problem with her meddling. let's be real, stevie and matt NEVER would've dated for as long as they did if it weren't for elaine's meddling. there were no consequences for those actions in the past (stevie never told her to stop) so she didn't even see it as a flaw. it's only now she's re-thinking everything.

my point with all this is that of course elaine has flaws. i don't feel that the narrative gives any extra credence to her flaws than the other characters. you will never hear me say that elaine is without fault, but she deserves just as much understanding and sympathy as austin does. they're both so very young, they have their whole lives to learn and grow 💖

[hot-wiings]

The One Where After Your Grandfathers Death, Breakdowns Happen And Christmas Tradition Dies.

Edited: 12-3-2020

Hitoshi Shinsou walked into your dorm room. He hadn't knocked but opted to use the key you had given him. Normally he would have been forbidden from going into the girl's dorms, or at the very least scolded, but being Christmas eve, most of the teachers had left home for the holidays, as well as the students. Those who hadn't left would be leaving today.

“Ready to go?”

You zipped up your bag that held Christmas gifts and a Christmas dress that you recently acquired from the mall. You were going home for Christmas so you didn't need to pack any clothes. You looked over at Hitoshi who stood in your doorway in a sweater, holding a bigger bag. You weren't ready to go, not today. You didn't want to go, not this year. Not when he wouldn't be there with you. You tried your best to smile at Hitoshi, to smile and not give away what you were feeling. A smile that hid your pain.

“I was thinkin’ what if we went to your house for Christmas instead?”

“Kitty, we always go to your house for Christmas, it's a tradition at this point.”

“I know, but doesn't your mom get lonely on her own?”

Hitoshi walked over to your bed and picked up your bag for you. He hoisted it onto his arm with his bag and pressed a chaste kiss to your temple to sway your concerning worries about his mother.

“My mom will drop by for Christmas dinner anyway, so really, it's pointless to go to my home. Besides, we already told your mom we were coming.”

You let out a little sigh as you latched your hand onto Hitoshi's hand. You leaned against him as he led you out of the dorm rooms and out of the dorm building. You buried your face into part of his coat as the cold winter air hit your body. With your body leaned into him, he couldn't see your frown. He couldn't see the look of monumental disappointment and unhappiness, but how could he see what you were trying your best to hide. How could see your negative feelings when you tried your best to make yourself look positive. How could he know when you did your best to hide your cries at night. How could he know when you did your best to cover it all up.

Once you approached Hitoshi's car he headed to the back to put your bags in and you headed to the front. You plugged Hitoshi's keys in and turned the heat on, making sure to turn Hitoshi's seat warmer on, then you turned the radio to a Christmas station. Something happy, something for the holidays, something you no longer found comfort or joy in but something you had to listen to keep up your facade of happiness.

“All set?”

"Yup."

Hitoshi buckled himself up and looked over at you briefly to see you nod at him with a smile before adjusting his mirrors. He didn't see, he didn't notice that you looked out the window and watched the passing roads with a numb expression on your face. He couldn't feel how much you were hurting with the passing of every street you could remember going with him. Every grocery run, video store trip, walk to the candy store. He didn't see, he didn't notice how you were hurting. His quirk was mind manipulation, not reading.

Hitoshi nearly drove past your house. It was dark and bleak, no lights were up, not even the sidewalk was shoveled. He was so used to seeing your house lit up over the holidays. Solar-powered candy canes, glass color-coded bulbs on the roof, the railings, the fence, the door, the trees, and god did you have so many wreaths. Hitoshi parked the car in the driveway with a frown and you helped him fetched your bags from the back to help him escape the cold faster.

“I almost didn't recognize your house. It looks sad without lights.”

“I don't know why no one put them up...”

You bit your lip as you kept your focus on your hands. Once you and Hitoshi grabbed your bags you slammed the door shut and walked up the front lawn with your hand in his. You leaned against each other to help create warmth until you reached the door and briefly broke away so you could pull out your house keys and unlock the doorknob. You pushed the door open and walked in but not before stomping to get the snow off of your boots. The house was bare and empty, like the lawn, the lights were dimmed and no decorations were put up. You and Hitoshi kicked your wet boots off, leaving your bags by the door. With your hand in Hitoshi's, you went in to search for the kitchen.  

“Mom?”

“Oh, hey sweetie. You're here early.”

“Well, Toshi’ wanted to get here early, he likes coming here for Christmas, likes to eat our cookies.”

"Oh I..."

Your eyes glazed over the counter and observed the cans and dishes your mother was prepping for Christmas eve dinner. It was mostly store-bought and canned goods. Your heart panged as you watched her throw away the storebought containers and platters, trying to pass off this dinner as her own. Usually, she and your grandma made everything homemade. From bread to pie, to the stuffing and meat, it was homemade. You had an inkling feeling in the back of your head that she wasn't going to put the effort in.

As you saw the alcohol bottles on the counter your chest hurt. Your mother was constantly drunk when you were a child. He was the only reason she stayed sober, constantly encouraging her to stay sober, sober for family, sober for her kids. With him gone you supposed, she fell off the wagon. He was the only reason she stayed sober, making her bearable. He was the only reason your siblings came around for the holidays. You wouldn't be surprised if they didn't show up this year.

"I'd hate to disappoint Hitoshi, but I didn't make any cookies."

“No cookies, great. Why didn't anybody put the Christmas lights up?”

“All the lights are in the basement in your grandfather's workroom. I didn't want to go in and look for them. Quite frankly, I'm too busy to put the lights up anyway.”

With one simple sentence, a small explanation, your heart broke. You knew this year was going to be different. No one put lights up, no one made cookies, your mother, slightly dunk, was serving a store-bought meal and your siblings probably weren't going to show up. Your grandpa held the family together. He kept everyone coming home for the holidays, he went all out with decorations and dinner, but he was gone now. You couldn't do it anymore. It was like all your emotions came crashing down in one swinging motion.

“You didn't put Christmas lights up because you couldn't handle going into his workroom? That's fucking bullshit! You're a grown adult, you have to do things you don't like!"

"Grandpa's gone and you need to accept that, hows that for doing things you don't like? I'm sorry to disappoint you, [Y/N], but grandpa is gone. Your sisters texted and said they weren't coming, I figured you'd bail too, so I didn't bother with a homecooked dinner and lights."

You ran your hands through your hair roughly as the tears made way down your cheeks in hot salty streaks. Hitoshi, from behind you brought his hand up and grabbed your shoulder, thumbs rubbing comforting circles. He had been to the funeral with you, he had been there while you grieved. He went through it all with you. Slowly, your nightmares and crying seemed to lessen, he thought you were handling it better, processing and healing, he hadn't realized you were hiding your pain.

"Grandpa would be so fucking disappointed in you. He would have hated this, he would hate this so much!"

"He would be so disappointed in the fact that you can't grow up. How are you going to be a hero if you can't face his death? I'm going to work, like an adult, with a practical adult job. I'll see you later, if you decide to a stick around."

Your mother grabbed her bag and stormed out of the house without another word. You knew it was the alcohol talking, but it hurt so much. Hitoshi came in front of you and pulled your body against his. He was worried about you. He didn't know you had been hiding your feelings, hiding your pain for so long. If he had known he would've tried to help you through it.

"Your mom's hurting too. She's just reacting to grief differently."

You couldn't stay and listen to Hitoshi, instead, you took off upstairs but Hitoshi ran after you. Even when you slammed the door, he didn't let it deter his determination to get to you. He walked into the room and pulled you against his chest. He didn't care that you were sobbing, he didn't care that you were soaking his sweater. He didn't care. You were hurting. You were hurting and he wasn't there for you. You were hurting and he didn't notice. You were drowning in a sea of pain and he couldn't see. He should've seen. He should've seen through the facade, saw through the fake smiles and laughs.

"[Y/N], it's okay to cry."

"No, it's not, it's not! He's gone Toshi'! He's gone. If I grieve I'll get better, if I get better and I'm happy, it'll be like he's really gone."

"Grieving doesn't mean he's gone. Getting to a place where your happy doesn't mean he's gone. He will always be in your heart, he'll always be watching you."

"He would be ashamed. This is his favorite holiday. Every year we'd put up lights and we'd have a Christmas party. We'd have homemade food and cookies. It wasn't about presents for him, it was about family and my fucking siblings aren't even coming."

Hitoshi pulled you tighter against his chest as a sob escapes your lips. It hurt him to see you in such pain, it hurt him to not be able to relieve you of your pain. He felt like he should've noticed everything you were experiencing and going through earlier. He should've gotten you help. He should've been there to help you through this.

"We can still do some of those things if you want, we can bake and cook, I'll go to the store, find what we need."

"He's gone Toshi' it's not the same. My siblings aren't here, he's not here. Tradition is ruined, Christmas is ruined. I- I don’t want to do anything, I just wanna lie down... Will you lie down with me?”

Hitoshi kissed the top of your head and led you over to your bed. He pulled the covers back and tucked you in the bed before climbing in himself. He let you lay your head against him as you closed your eyes and tried to keep the tears in. The sudden outburst of emotions was taking a toll on you, but you needed to grieve. You needed to grieve rather than just shutting it all down as you had originally. You needed to let yourself cry it out, you needed to let yourself finally process he was gone. That's what you did. You let the tears out as Hitoshi ran his hands through your hair. He let you cry, weep, and sob. He let you be emotional until you didn't have the energy to. He held you with no judgment, but comfort and love. A word you had yet to say to each other.

"Don't leave me Toshi'."

“I’ll be here when you wake up, I'll always be here.”

You had only been asleep for a couple of hours when you felt your body being shook awake. The feel of the hands on you were familiar, familiar, and comforting. All you could bring yourself to do was keep your eyes closed as you nuzzled into the pillow you had your head resting on.

"Wake up. [Y/N], wake up. It's important."

"What is it?"

You rolled over to the edge of the bed and peeked your eyes open to peer up at Hitoshi. You blinked your eyes a couple of times until they were able to fully handle the bright lights. Your eyes felt heavy, heavy, and sore from crying. You were glad to finally get some of it out in the open. Hitoshi was right, grieving felt good, crying it out felt good. You felt light, but that part of you that deeply missed your grandfather felt guilty for trying to process it and move on.

"Put your shoes on, I wanna take you somewhere."

With a light huff, you complied with your boyfriend's wishes. You pulled yourself up out of the bed and grabbed your socks which you must have kicked off in the middle of your sleep. Hitoshi quickly grabbed your hand and tugged you to the front door where your boots were. You let go of his hand and slipped your feet inside of the shoes. Deciding you were taking too long with tying up the laces, Hitoshi started tying your other shoe. You gave out a little laugh, a genuine one. 

"You're so impatient. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

You huff again, but none the less you button up your coat and let Hitoshi wrap his scarf around your neck tightly before he grabbed your hand and pulled you towards his car. You noticed that the sidewalk had been shoveled, and it looked like someone put the solar-powered candy canes up. It was dark out, making them glow prominently and making you wonder how long you had been asleep. You supposed Hitoshi put them up because you mentioned how it bothered you during your outburst. A small smile fronted your face, the lack of other lights meant he must have gotten tired and quit, but he still tried. It made you feel partially guilty for hiding your feelings for so long. He just wanted to help you. Hitoshi only ever wanted what was best for you.

"Can I put some Christmas music on?"

"Go for it."

You fiddled with the channel knob until you found the right station, the Christmas station your grandpa always listened to. The car ride was slow and long, filled with awkward silence. You wanted to go back, go back, and not let yourself break down and cry in front of him. You hadn't let Hitoshi see you cry in your relationship. As heroes, not crying equaled strength. Crying and showing weakness meant you were weak. While no one taught you this, it seemed to be a rule every pro and hero in training followed. You hated the idea of being so sad and weak in front of Hitoshi, it made you feel like a bad hero. It made you feel so weak, but Hitoshi never made you feel bad for it.

"I put a lot of thought into what you said earlier. I know nothing but time is gonna make you feel better, nothing I say can help your pain. I can't heal your pain, not completely, but I'm gonna try to lessen it."

Hitoshi pulled the car into a parking lot and you looked out of the window to see where you were. It was dark out and the parking lot was practically empty but the mall was still lit up and open. You furrowed your brows and turned to look at Hitoshi, confusion was written on your face. 

"Why are we here?"

"I'll show you, c'mon."

You got out of the car with Hitoshi and entered the mall through the target entrance. A decent amount of the store was sold out and there seemed to be no people. Everyone had finished their last-minute Christmas shopping and were sitting at home with their families. You grabbed onto Hitoshi's hand unsure of what you were doing here with him.

"What are we doing?"

"Last year, your grandpa told me that when you were younger he would take you and your siblings out to donate a gift, take a picture with Santa, and go get a treat. He said you always did that until you and your siblings stopped going." 

Hitoshi pulled you further in the store, leading you by your hand, he took you down by the dolls and toys so you could pick one out. Your eyes glazed over with tears, remembering the tradition you had been doing ever since you were born. You had been doing that up until a couple of years ago when his health started to decline, your mother wouldn't let you go under the pretense you were too old, out of fear that it would make his health decline worse by going out in such bad weather. She told you it was too strenuous on him, and while you understood her worries for her father, it just made you hate her for taking away the time you barely got with him. 

"You said moving on meant your grandpa would be gone, but that's not true. He wants you to be happy, but happy doesn't mean forgetting him. That's what we're doing here. we're gonna remember him [Y/N], we're gonna do everything he used to do with you."

You grabbed onto a Ken doll and grabbed some extra Ken clothes. Your grandpa would buy extra clothes because he was always peeved when he played dolls with you. Your Ken dolls clothes would go missing. Ken wasn't like Barbie who came with a dozen outfits, Ken only ever came with a pair of shorts and if you were lucky a shirt. 

"If you're getting Ken, I'm getting Barbie." 

Hitoshi leads you to the cash register and places all the items on the counter. The cashier scanned the items and placed them in a bag for you. Before you even had a chance to pull out your phone to use google scan and pay, Hitoshi was handing cash over to the cashier. With the now paid for bags in his hand, Hitoshi leads you to out of the store and towards the giant donation, dropbox painted like a huge present.

"You want to drop it in?"

Your face flooded red, embarrassment rode your skin like a disease as you nodded your head left and right for a no.

"I can't."

"[Y/N], this is good for you. Think of it as letting go of the pain, and remembering the good memories. I-"

"Toshi' I want to, but I really can't. I want to grieve properly. I want to grieve and get better and be happy. You're right, it doesn't mean he's gone, he's just not here... I can't reach it. I never have, I don't think I ever will."

"Shit, here."

Hitoshi grabbed your hips from behind and lifted you up. You could supposed the extra lessons he was receiving from Mr. Aizawa were paying off. With an extra foot off the ground, you tossed the plastic bag inside the container with a smile on your face. He wasn't gone forever, he was still in your heart.

"Thanks, Toshi'. I- I shouldn't have hidden how I was feeling. You're right, he would want me to be happy. He's was the reason I decided to be a hero, my mom discouraged it, but he... He said I could do it. Death doesn't change anything. I want to be the kind of hero that shows people it's okay to be weak, that it's okay to cry and still be strong."

"He'd be so proud of you [Y/N]. He's probably waiting up in heaven, watching you grow into the hero he knows you can be."

"Thanks, Toshi'. I'd like to say he'd be proud of you too. You were my only boyfriend he ever liked."

A smile crossed Hitoshi and filled him with pride as he took your hand again.

"Let's go get a picture with Santa."

"Can we find matching sweaters first?"

"Definitely. They've gotta have cats on it, and we'll get rootbeer floats afterwards."

Holding Hitoshi's hand you knew it was going to be okay. Your grandpa was up there watching you, and his death was just going to push you to be a better hero. A more inspiring one. Someone a kid could look up to and say, 'I can be emotional because [Y/N] does and she's strong'. Someone who could show people it wasn't a weakness. As Hitoshi pulled you along with him, you knew it would be okay. He'd never leave you, he was going to be there encouraging and pushing you along as your grandfather did.

"Hey, Hitoshi?"

"Yeah?"

It was going to be okay. It would be okay. You'd be okay. Hitoshi was with you. He never made you feel bad once in all your tears or outbursts. He held you tightly at the funeral and he hadn't left your side since. Even if he didn't see you hiding your emotions, he wasn't leaving or shaming you, he was trying to help you. You stopped your walking for a moment to smile up at him.

"Thanks for dealing with my emotional ass. I- I love you Toshi'."

Hitoshi let go of your hands and cupped your cheeks. A smile was grinning on his lips. It was the first time you said those words to each other. It wasn't the most romantic setting, but he wouldn't rather have it any other way. His thumbs skimmed the skin under your eyes. Smooth clear eyes compared to his.

"I love you too. You might be an emotional mess, but your my emotional mess."

[azule-flame]

Been watching FGO and got this wishful thoughts about Azula redeeming herself by answering her calling e.g destiny like:

In a world where someone as powerful as Azula, a former war weapon is no longer needed, she'd be recruited by the Sun Warriors as Ran (燃), the last blue dragon's "trainer" and shares her blue fire energy as a mana provider. As a result, Azula can no longer use her bending freely as restrictions to her power-hunger desire. She will learn from basic again, how to control her emotions and slowly recovering from her mental traumas and gradually becoming less destructive than before.

Ran (燃), the blue dragon  and Shao (燒), the red dragon

Remember the episode where Zuko was sick and he had a nightmare about Azula as a blue dragon?

Fast forward 70 years to LoK timeline, Korra was required to learn the pure art of firebending for a certain event to help her in her current mission. Although Zuko at first was completely objecting the idea of Korra meeting her sister; as fearsome as it could be, the Firelord knows Azula is the only one who can train Korra.

When Korra reached the ancient ruins, she met Azula for the every first time. Azula, after years of banishing herself from the Fire Nation, she still retains her beautiful adult face, remaining somewhat in her 30s maybe (because why not?) It was because she shares the same lifespan with the blue dragon as one, and the process of aging comes slowly for her. Although Korra was surprised to see how Azula kinda resembles Asami a bit.

Korra asks Azula to train her and she needs her help with her current mission as they're running out of time. But Azula blantantly rejects her and told the avatar she got nothing to do with it, and explains she couldn't simply leaves the island because she needs to be close to Ran, or else her body will turn old according to her real age.

The Sun Warrior's Chief

Knowing this, the Sun Warrior's Chief made an exception for Azula and allowed her to leave for three days only, and had the blue dragon goes into slumber temporarily because its also their duty to assist the Avatar in her mission.

With the Chief's permission, Azula then agrees to join Korra now that she's granted some sort of special "magic" to leave the island without having any aging affects on her body. So thus, after more than 60 years, Azula finally gets to set foot outside the island and see the world as it is for the very first time. Imagine how Azula meeting the old Zuko after for so long, getting to know Firelord Izumi and thought General Iroh was her uncle when she first heard Korra mentioning his name, saying something like General Iroh will be driving us to the Fire Nation lol.

New Azula will still be snarky as she was before, acting impulsive and a bit entitled now that she can firebend. But unlike the Gaang bunch, Korra is more open-minded with Azula and enjoys how badass she is actually. They ran into the city playing bad-cop-good-cop combo chasing firebender extremists and all. And for the first time ever, Azula is amazed to see there's someone who actually sees her as she is, accepting her brokeness and flaws instead of feeling pity for her, hurting her pride.

"I like you, Avatar Korra."

In the end of the short trip, Azula told Korra how she actually liked how the world turns out right now and wished she could have lived this kind of life instead. She doesn't want to admit it but Azula believes her brother did make a good Firelord now that the Fire Nation is not as brute as it was before.

Before they part, Azula confess how she appreciates how Korra treated her as a person, as an individual herself, without questioning too much or avoiding her brokeness like how Aang did when he was the Avatar (seriously i still wonder why Aang never really try to approach Azula in both comic and the series? As a mediator and the Avatar and an air nomad, Aang has the perfect energy to balanced out Azula's negative energy but idk. Zuko and Azula's scars are too deep and damaged, too many bitterness and he can't really fix her. So an outsider like Aang is really the perfect person to do it).

Korra then told Azula that as the current Avatar, despite how she has already severed the connection to the past avatars, she feels that Aang must have felt powerless back then, unable to help her and how they failed to save the only pure firebender prodigy who fell into madness. But she also knows that Aang really wants what best for Azula too if he can helped it.

Korra confronts Kuvira about her journey as the Avatar and what it taught her in Book 4

After what happened with Kuvira and the coup, Korra knows Azula too, deserves compassion despite her sins as a war criminal.

"You'd make a good Avatar that the world needs right now, Avatar Korra."

Gorgeous artwork by Kathuon. Found this on Pinterest and among all the Azulas grownup fanarts, this is my personal favorite 💖 and i want to imagine older Azula in this wishful post looking like this

😌🔥

[littlest-marshmallow]

Age Regression: Chapter One

What is Age Regression? - The Basics

Age Regression - the practice of mentally and emotionally returning to a previous pattern of behaviour, often resembling younger attitudes and actions

Age regression does not refer to someone physically turning into a child. Instead, it describes a state in which one becomes more childlike in terms of their mental and emotional state. This change in behaviour can manifest itself in many ways, and for many reasons. For the purposes of this guide, we will not be including hypnotism in our discussion. I'll be describing the basics of therapeutic regression, and answering some frequently asked questions.

TW: @gepl@y mention, sexu@l content mention, mental health mentions

While age regression is often viewed as an older individual partaking in activities meant for young children, this is not the only, or the most common form. More subtle instances of age regression are found in the daily lives of many, if not all adults. Have you ever gotten so angry that you couldn't help but pound your fists on the table? Have you ever found yourself anxiously chewing on a pen at work? Believe it or not, these are all occurrences of normal regression! These are behaviours we relied on as children, when we had less strategies for emotion control. Every now and then, everyone gets a little overwhelmed and we may find that we end up screaming in frustration instead of taking that deep breath and counting to ten. This is totally normal, and everyone experiences it.

But, those instances are just the tip of the iceberg! On a different level, age regression can also be very therapeutic. Your brain is just like a monster supercomputer. Just like a computer, you get overheated sometimes from all of the processing. Social media, school, work, friends, emails, research, and everything else gets to be too much, and that's ok. For some, using the brain's natural tendency toward age regression to relax can help them to get back on track with the things they need to do.

Let's use the computer analogy again. If you have too many applications or programs running at once, your computer may be slow and run into problems. When that happens, you switch some of them off, right? Age regression can work the same way. This is one explanation for the changes in behavior and thought patterns we see during regression. It isn't that the regressor doesn't know things they used to, or that they suddenly forgot how to do things. They simply aren't using that part of their brain right now. They are still just as smart, and will be able to use that information if they decide to. The idea that age regressors are less intelligent during regression is a myth. It may help them to view their world more simply, use less complex language, and only engage in low level tasks. It may also help them for you to interact using more simple language and behaviors. But, they are still very much just as smart as they are when adult.

How long does regression last?

That's an excellent question! Regression time varies from person to person. Some individuals are almost constantly regressed due to physical or mental illness, trauma, or other issues. Those who have serious mental health concerns may also stay regressed for much longer or very frequently. Some people only regress during short periods of time when they may know they will not be disturbed. There are those who plan out what time they will begin and end, and those who do not. Fluid state of regression can happen when someone flows between regressed and non regressed states quickly and smoothly. They may experience their age differently throughout the day. There is nothing wrong with any of these! There's no wrong way to regress, as long as it is still being used as a coping skill which helps you to experience life better. If someone is regressed so much that they are becoming less able to handle their work, school, social life, or physical health, then they should seek help from a mental health professional. There may be an underlying factor like depression, or even a head injury that needs to be addressed immediately.

Can you control it?

Some people can, and some people can't. It can vary by the scenario as well. During voluntary regression, the individual decides they want to, or allows it to happen. There are times though that someone may regress without meaning to if they are under a large amount of stress, are having intense emotions(positive or negative) or are exposed to a trigger. Some also regress randomly without understanding why, and this can feel very frustrating at times. Again, if concerns arise, it is always best to seek help from a trusted professional.

Is it sexual at all?

No. It is very important to understand that regression is never sexual. A regressed individual is not able to consent, and they are in a very vulnerable state. If someone is engaging in intimate activities, they are not doing age regression, they are likely doing age play. This is similar to regression, but an individual does not mentally regress. They are instead only pretending and acting as someone younger for the sake of an adult activity. This is totally separate from regression, and the two should never be mixed under any circumstances. To engage in such activities while regressed could be very damaging and dangerous for the regressed individual.

What does regression look like?

Regression manifests differently for everyone. Some people like to draw or color, watch cartoons, play with toys, and read books while regressed. Some people just like to enjoy feeling small and take a nap. There are people who like to use comfort objects like pacifiers, stuffed animals, bottles, and such while regressed to help them feel safe. Some like to have company, and some like to be alone. This is all very specific to the individual.

It can be hard to tell looking in if someone is regressed or not. There may be changes in behaviors like humming, skipping, stomping, giggling, bouncing, or anything else that normally is uncharacteristic of the individual. Some have vocal changes in pitch, volume, speed of talking, and word choice. Some speak the same way regardless of whether or not they are regressed. There are those who like to dress differently to express their regression using bright t-shirts, overalls, colorful socks, backpacks, hats, cute hairstyles, and other accessories. Some people don't want others to know and dress more discretely.

Above all else, the best way to understand a regressor's experience is to ask them. They may appreciate that you want to know more!

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for next time- Chapter 2: Determining Regression Ranges

[c-harli-e]

Character Sheet - Franklin (Hazbin Hotel)

Franklin

Character Information - 

True Name: Franklin Magne

Nicknames: Frankie / Frank / The Moon (by Charlie) / Shitstain (by Bea)

Likes: Pranks / Carnage / Murder / Meat / Video Games / Streaming / Smiling / Sarcasm / Peanut Butter

Dislikes: Nativity / Religion / Redemption / Emotions / Humans / Pickles / Low Frame Rates / Yellow

Biological Information - 

Species: Deer Demon / Wendigo

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Abilities: Wendigo Transformation / Light Manipulation / Playing the Saxophone / Tap Dancing

Professional Status - 

Occupation: Prince of Hell

Relationships - 

Family: Alastor (Father) / Charlie (Mother) / Margret (Sister) / Beatrice (Sister) / Lucifer (Grandfather) / Lillith (Grandmother)

Friends: Valentino / Sir Pentious / Angel Dust / Husk / Razzle and Dazzle / Niffty

Frenemies: Vox / Vaggie 

Romantic Interests: N/A

Enemies: ...just a lot of demons

Franklin Magne is a hell born demon birthed to Alastor and Charlie and by line of succession, the prince of Hell. He has very little empathy or sympathy for the demons in Hell and mainly does whatever suits his fancy, not caring much for those around him.

Appearance - 

Franklin, as an adult, is 7’8”, the same height as Alastor. He is nearly identical to Charlie, only sharing the same ears and antlers of his father. He has the same eyes, nose and blackened lips, as well as the same dark red cheeks that Charlie has. There have been times that people have confused him for Lucifer because of the likness and there have been times that he has used this to his advantage. 

He usually wears a blue sweater and black jeans. The reason why he wears blue is because when Franklin was a child, he had an uncanny ability to just wander off and seeing a blue-clad child was the easiest way to find him among the red landscape of Pentagram City.

 

When in full Wendigo form, his antlers grow and branch and he also grows a few inches in height. His claws and teeth extend. He has double radio dials, much like Alastor, though instead of red, they are shades of grey. His hair grows longer and rougher to the touch and he is impossibly strong - though he has never once been able to defeat Alastor in a fight. He enjoys the terror that his Wendigo form beings and will occasionally allow himself to fall into it just to remind those around him to be scared of him.

Personality - 

Franklin has very little to no empathy. He’s a sociopath and he knows it; when he was younger, he did try his best to latch onto some sort of emotional connection but he was met with failure with each attempt. Because of this, he grew up to be snarky, sarcastic and cruel with a lot of the things he says and does. He does not believe in his mother and Margret’s ideology of redemption, believing that demons who go to Hell are meant to be there; they should suffer for the sins they committed.

He does have a soft spot for smaller things, however. Egg Bois in particular are demons he’s fond of and he enjoys carrying them around and talking to them. He’s an avid streamer of whatever video games he can get his hands on and has garnered quite a following in Hell for his streams. 

Franklin likes to inflict pain and doesn’t feel pain himself; the only times he can remember some sort of negative emotion is when he feels guilty for breaking promises that he made to Charlie when he was younger. He also enjoys protecting his sisters from any wrongdoing, though there have been times that he’s actually became friends with the people who have hurt his sisters.

Background - 

Franklin was born in Hell to Charlie and Alastor, the Princess of Hell and the Radio Demon. Instinctively, he doesn’t care much for the process that goes on around him, though he does have a strong tendency for violence. He has two sisters and he cares for them, though he isn’t quite sure he’s as attached to them as they are to him.

Relationships - 

Alastor:     Alastor is Franklin’s father.

Franklin inherited much of Alastor’s personality and mannerisms, though the distance from empathy is something he had on his own. The two butt heads occasionally, due to Franklin wanting to believe that he is stronger than his father (he gets put back into place rather quickly). Franklin convinced Alastor to come onto one of his streams once and it’s an annual thing now; they’ll get together once a year and play video games on stream for a few hours.

Charlie:     Charlie is Franklin’s mother.

Growing up and still currently, Franklin is a mama’s boy. He respects the decisions she makes in life, though he doesn't believe in her ideologies. She is pretty much the only person he feels he is connected to emotionally and he relies pretty heavily on her optimism in order to feel down to earth. They tend to spend a lot of time reading together or dancing, since they both can tap dance pretty well.

Margret:     Margret is Franklin’s sister.

Franklin doesn’t have a large opinion on his oldest sister; she’s neat and organized, which he can respect. Their age difference, her being seven years older, kept them at a distance that neither knew how to work with. Because of his difficulty feeling emotions, Margret keeps her distance because she’s not able to really handle his manic moods.

Beatrice:     Beatrice is Franklin’s sister.

Bea is five years older than Franklin and she is his best friend. They enjoy pulling pranks and telling jokes together, though he finds much more entertainment out of Alastor’s dad jokes than Bea does. The two were nearly inseparable growing up and he has a much stronger fondness for her than he does for Margret; they share a lot more in common and the age difference doesn’t seem to be that big of an issue. 

Valentino:    

Like Beatrice with Angel Dust, Franklin and Valentino are also best friends. Though there was a lot of drama that happened between Val and Bea, Franklin thought the whole ordeal was hilarious and found himself hanging out around Valentino a lot more. At first, the pimp was against Franklin and tried to deter the demon from latching on, but the two eventually found a mutual interest and then their friendship formed.

Sir Pentious: 

Franklin thinks Sir Pentious as a means for comical relief. The cliche snake demon makes Franklin laugh and he also enjoys being around the Egg Bois; he uses Pentious as a way to be around the little demons. 

Angel Dust: 

Angel Dust and he have a good relationship. When Franklin casually mentioned that he was gay, Angel almost immediately swept him up and the two bonded. 

Husk:

Franklin adores the stories that Husk tells. He thinks the detailed descriptions about how humans fight wars are interesting and fun to listen to. If he’s forced to be at the Hotel, since he tends to avoid it as best he can, he’s usually found at the bar with Husk.

Razzle and Dazzle:

Frankie doesn’t have much to say on the two goat demons; they spend most of their time with Margret and Charlie at the hotel and he doesn’t have too many fond memories of them. He just knows they’ve always been there and aren’t going away any time soon. 

Niffty:

Franklin thinks Niffty is adorable and he has tried in the past to talk to her to become her friend, though she seems to want to not be. He isn’t sure why and continues to pester her, since he thinks that most demons should either be scared of him or love him and there should be no in between and he doesn’t want her to be scared of him.

Vox:

Because of the relationship that Bea has with Vox and the entire process of Franklin becoming Valentino’s friend, the two are passive of each other. Franklin knows that Vox is stronger and way more powerful than he is and chooses not to test that boundary.

Vaggie:

Franklin isn’t sure why, but he knows that Vaggie doesn’t have the greatest opinion of him. He supposes it’s because of his urge for violence and death, though he can’t quite put his finger on it. He doesn't ever remember a time where the two of them had any good memories together.

Trivia - 

-Jakarva came up with the name Franklin, as well as the names for Margret and Beatrice.

-Franklin means ‘landowner of free’ or ‘free man’.

-Franklin constantly pushes Alastor’s temper. There have been times during Franklin’s childhood where Alastor has threatened to eat him, to the point where he has nibbled a finger or two of Franklin’s to get him back in line.

    -Charlie has absolutely forbidden Alastor from actually eating Franklin, though the younger demon doesn’t know that.

-Frankie consistently eats the family cat. When the cat reappears, since it wasn’t killed by an angelic weapon, he lets the cat live for a few months before he gets bored of it and eats it again. Both Bea and Margret hate when he does it and they do their best to keep the cat away from him.

-Franklin doesn’t see himself getting into a relationship anytime soon; he sees most demons as inferior to the point where he would be uncomfortable with being with one.

-He is frequently touchy and continuously forces himself into everyone’s personal space, though he would snap if anyone where to enter his without permission. 

-He plays the saxophone quite well and Margret hates it because he continuously will only play songs that are memes.

-Franklin is a total memelord. 

-Keeping with memelord status, he can play the mash up of Sandstorm and Never Gonna Give You Up on the sax. 

-He swears that he taught Alastor how to floss, whip, etc, but if we're honest, he really didn't. 

-Franklin is probably the funniest character to write, and by god, even if he can’t feel a wide range of emotion, he’s still hilarious (and he knows it).

((If you so decide to use him, give me and @trinswhimsys a tag! We like to see any use. Please don't use him without tagging / permission, thank you, we are protective of our beanie boy))

** Want to see more of Franklin? Follow this link **

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

Pt.3

Seyoon was unpacking all the late night snacks he had gotten onto a blanket at a secluded rooftop. Hearing footsteps he looked up to see Guerin, who looked different than usual. She didn't appear to be wearing any makeup, had her normal stud earrings but had a cute black mask with a white sharp toothy grin. She was dressed in joggers and a sweatshirt with the hood up. He cocked his head at her as she approached.

"I know, I look like shit. But it was late and I'd already gotten ready for bed. You can't expect me to spruce up after that." Guerin guessed at his expression.

"You look fine. Cozy. It's just different. Also you're late." He shrugged and patted the blanket next to him, sitting as he leaned against the wall behind him.

"I got lost..." she grumbled, "I've never been great with directions." She sat down in the spot he indicated, looking over the spread he had brought, "Good grief I thought you just wanted tteokbokki."

Seyoon smiled automatically, "You said you hadn't eaten, and I know how much you like food so I thought I should get some options." Guerin leaned her head in his direction and offered a wry smile under her mask, unable to argue with his logic. "Besides, I got this for us too." He pulled out an additional bag, from which he drew two paper cups, a bottle of soju and two cans of beer.

Guerin raised her eyebrows and sat up straight, "Oh we're drinking too?"

"We have to. It goes well with tteokbokki, fried chicken and jajangmyeon." He shrugged nonchalantly as he began opening everything up and handing Guerin some chopsticks. "Although it's blueberry soju. I thought you might like that."

"How did you figure that?" She asked, sneaking a piece of tteokbokki and pulling her mask to her chin to eat it.

"Well you said before you liked Grapefruit and Plum but I couldnt find it, so I thought blueberry was the next best option." Seyoon shrugged, separating the cups and pouring soju into them, handing one to Guerin and offering his as cheers.

She laughed in response and took her shot, "Honestly I dont know how that train of thought lines up but you aren't wrong." She watched as Seyoon refilled the cups and couldn't keep the grin from her face, "You really went all out for this, it's awesome. Thank you."

He shrugged again, looking up at her and their eyes met briefly before both looked away to select food options, "Food makes things better." He said simply.

"Cheers to that." They both took another shot and then ate in silence for a while.

"So... how are you?" Seyoon asked awkwardly, unsure of how to broach the subject.

"I'm fine, all things considered." Guerin said almost mechanically, "I keep telling people that."

"Okay... but how are you really?" Seyoon asked again, leaning back to look at Guerin. She sighed and set her chopsticks down and didn't speak for a moment.

"Well. What do you know happened?" She asked finally.

"I know you were attacked by that crazy lady. I know you were arrested but you were cleared because of video evidence. I know that she is being charged by the company. But I also know you haven't been with HEET lately." He trailed off.

Guerin reached over for one of the beers. Seyoon cracked it open and put it in her hand, grabbing his as well while she took a sip, leaned back against the wall and looked up at the sky.

"Yeah. We were worried something might happen again. So part of our plan included recording any more altercations that might occur. Self defense laws are tricky and it's usually one person's word against another. Plus as a foreigner, and a big one, we knew some witnesses might not provide unbiased information." She paused and took another sip, "The boys were so brave, they did exactly as they were supposed to. That woman had some gross stuff in that present too. Police said it was unwashed underwear, a vial of blood, another of spit..." she scrunched her nose, "stuff like that."

"Sounds like you guys have the law on your side." Seyoon said, waiting for more information.

Another sip and pause before she spoke, "Yeah, we do. We're able to press charges. The company is suing her. She might see jail time. They even made me go to the hospital to make sure they had a medical report for the court."

"Wait medical report?" Seyoon looked over at her, surprised, "What happened?" Now that she had pulled down her mask and he was looking closely he saw the cut and slight bruising at the corner of her mouth as she smiled dryly and tapped her cheek.

"I let her hit me. I figured if she looked unharmed and I was injured it would go better for us too."

"You're crazy." He sounded almost admiring as he leaned in closer, "Let me see that, does it hurt?"

"It's fine, I've been hit in the face many times, and she's probably the smallest adult that's ever taken a swing at me. It doesnt hurt at all. OW WHY?" She flinched and cried out as he poked the bruising.

His eyes widened and he let out a snort of laughter, "Doesn't hurt at all?"

"You little shit." She laughed and smacked his hand away from her face, "Of course it'll hurt if you press a bruise."

He giggled again, "Sorry. It does look like it hurts a lot. You should maybe stop letting people hit you in the face."

She laughed, "Well it hasn't always been a choice, this one was though."

"So... there's more right?" He asked after their laughter had subsided.

Guerin avoided his eyes by taking a longer drink from her beer, "Yeah. There's been some blowback. Some false stories have gotten out and theres some people that claim I'm making a bad name for HEET or that I was the one who started it, that I instigated a fight or was being rude to a fan. There's quite a lot that demanded I be removed as manager, actually."

"So they caved?" Seyoon asked disbelievingly.

"Well. Kind of?" Guerin sighed, "I've been temporarily removed. Right now with the case going and the false information it's actually less safe for HEET to be around me in case someone tries to target me. So until things are officially able to be released..." she stopped talking abruptly blinking rapidly, trying to hide it with another long gulp of beer. "It's not like I've been fired. I'm grateful for that. Another company would probably have written me off as more trouble than I'm worth. They have me doing other work right now but... I liked my job. I loved my boys, and looking after them." She couldnt hide the tears running down her face now, and didn't bother to try.

Seyoon floundered, watching her face then looking around before seeing napkins and hurriedly handing them to her. She smiled and thanked him, dabbing her cheeks half heartedly before giving up and chugging the rest of her beer through her tears. With an unconvincing smile she looked at Seyoon, "So that's what I mean when I say all things considered. I'm fine."

He didn't saying anything right away, pulling his long shirt sleeve over his hand, he leaned over and dabbed at her face to dry it. She started to pull away, shocked, but he reached out with his other hand and held her in place. "Hold still." She didn't fight back, he was so close and so handsome she couldn't help but feel somewhat transfixed, despite her stomache dropping and heart pounding, all she could do was freeze until he let her go. He picked up his chopsticks, selected a large piece of fried chicken and put it to her mouth, which she accepted without complaint.

"It's okay to be sad when bad things happen. You don't have to lie to everyone." He paused and added quietly as though he wasn't sure he should be saying it, "You don't have to lie to me."

Guerin choked, "Oh my god." She swallowed as soon as she could and laughed, "Are you using lines on me to seem cool? Is this a drama?" She laughed again.

"Yah." He protested, "I was just trying to be supportive."

Guerin laughed again then fed him some tteokbokki, "You're as adorable as a cicada." She said and pinched his cheek.

"I am so much more handsome than some bug." He protested around the food in his mouth.

"Of course you are." She put a shot of soju in his hand, cheersed and downed hers. He followed shortly.

"Thanks though." She glanced at him, "It means a lot."

He playfully shoved her and stole her chopsticks, which started a whole new bickering fit.

Charlie had been working up the nerve all morning to talk to her boss. It was a privilege to be allowed to be so hands on with animals and she didn't want her boss to think she was taking advantage... but it was such a cool opportunity. She had to at least try.

"Byun Minsoo-ssi." She lead off tentatively. The lead vet looked up from her paperwork. Perhaps she looked stern simply from Charlie's point of view but it was just as believable that she was no-nonsense in everyday life as well.

"Yes? Charlie-ssi?"

"I have a friend who is a manager for an idol group, she is friends with a group called A.C.E and I wondered if they could come behind the scenes to meet some of our animals?" Charlie ventured cautiously.

Minsoo paused for a moment before speaking "A.C.E? Your friend knows A.C.E? And they want to come here?" Her attempt to play it cool was poorly hidden and gave Charlie confidence.

"Yes! I'd like to invite my friend Guerin and A.C.E to come and see what we have. I think it would be an excellent opportunity to promote the zoo and educate on the importance of conservation!"

The normally serious Minsoo beamed at Charlie, "That's an excellent idea. Let's get in contact and organize something."

Charlie did a mental fist pump and hustled off to message her friends.

Deciding to keep the visit informal allowed the planning process to go more quickly. Approval from the higher ups and organizing with Beat Interactive took a few days. Guerin has been allowed to come as a personal guest for Charlie and A.C.E who requested she tag along. Guerin, never passing up a chance to visit the zoo, happily accepted. Charlie hoped it could provide her friend with a genuine mood boost. Guerin tended to internalize her negative emotions but Charlie could tell she wasn't her usual self.

"We'll do formal filming in the behind the scenes areas, but then we'll allow you to do your own self cam work throughout the areas of the zoo the public has regular access to." Minseok explained as A.C.E got last second touch ups.

"What animals are we seeing today?" Asked Chan excitedly. They were in the vet and quarantine areas so it was unpredictable what had been planned for them.

"It's a surprise." Charlie said, the most excited A.C.E had ever seen her.

Byun Minsoo would be taking the lead in speaking for the cameras but suggested Charlie stay by to help handle animals and manage the guests. Minsoo might be strict but she was fair, knowing Charlie wanted to do this with her friends she wasn't going to exclude her.

Guerin was hanging back with Minseok as preparations were made. "Noona do you know what we're gonna see?" Chan tried to wheedle from her, pouting slightly. Guerin stared pointedly away from him.

"Don't pull that cute stuff on me, I can't tell you." Of course she knew what animals Charlie was working with, she couldn't let some aegyo spoil the surprise. Chan pouted more and shook his shoulders in a small tantrum.

"Alright that's enough." Minseok stepped in before Guerin could cave, he redirected A.C.E to the main area so they could begin filming. The recording started with a tour of the facilities, showing equipment and how to accommodate all the different animals they had based on type and size. They explained the importance of training animals to participate in their own veterinary care voluntarily then showed them a video example of a mountain lion presenting for a blood draw, and a gorilla opening it's mouth for its teeth to be examined, or a macaque presenting its arm for an insulin injection. Minsoo continued to talk about the research and breeding that the zoo participated and how it was vital for conservation efforts and how it benefitted animals in the wild.

The boys were perfect guests, asking questions and reacting well. They saw a few animals in the quarantine area, new to the zoo and waiting to be introduced to their new homes. The last area they were taken to was for longer term housing for animals that couldnt be in the usual enclosures. A spot had been sectioned, layered with blankets, plushies and other toys. The boys, perplexed, were instructed to go in and sit down with Minsoo while Charlie disappeared momentarily. She returned with an inauspicious crate, facing it away from A.C.E she opened the door and sat with Minsoo, both grinning for the surprise.

Two young tiger cubs tottered they way out, mowing. The trepidation left A.C.E as they all exclaimed in amazement and adoration. Minsoo and Charlie showed A.C.E how to bottle feed them, then let them take turns.

"Their mother was a first time mom, and she wouldnt take care of them." Minsoo explained as the boys cooed sadly, "It's not unusual for that to happen with new mothers even in the wild. But since we are here we made the choice to step in and help raise them." Once the babies were fed they were left to roam and play. One clambered into Jun's lap and fell asleep, the other playing with a toy with Donghun and Byeongkwan. Jun couldn't control his face, his amazement and joy at being chosen as he got everyone's attention and pointed to the sleeping kitten. Seyoon and Chan scooted near him to pet the sleeping animal. Charlie couldn't stop herself from grinning, Guerin knew at least part of it was Jun's reaction and not just the cute tiger cubs.

Once it was time to say goodbye to the kittens, A.C.E did their formal goodbye with them and the filming for behind the scenes ended. The rest of the staff and guests got an opportunity to greet the tigers as well and once Guerin had her turn she flagged down Charlie as the babies were taken back to their enclosure. After a brief talk with Minsoo who let out a restrained laugh and nod, Charlie and Guerin went to a series of smaller tanks on the opposite side of the room, Guerin returning with her hands closed suspiciously.

"We have one more animal for you to meet." Charlie said with a chuckle. Donghun was the only one with the good sense to he suspicious.

"This is one of my favorite animals." Guerin said with a grin, uncovering her hand and showing a large male Madagascar Hissing Cockroach sitting placidly in her hand. All five boys instinctively recoiled, Chan and Jun exclaiming in surprise. A.C.E's reaction elicited chuckles from most of the staff if they werent busy being disgusted themselves.

"It's okay guys. They're harmless!" Guerin said holding it up. Donghun and Jun recovered the fastest, still looking apprehensive and surprised respectively. Chan was behind Jun, leaning around him curiously but still looking fearful. Beyongkwan, eyes wide, didnt move forward so quickly and Seyoon was the furthest away had a very subtle terror that could only be read in his eyes.

"They're really cool, they're called hissing cockroaches cause they hiss!" She gave the cockroach a light pet down it's back which caused it to take two steps forward and hiss quietly as it protested the contact. The boys jumped again. "So insects dont have lungs, they breath through small holes along their body called spiracles. These guys have evolved to force air out of those holes to make a hissing sound that they use to communicate to each other or even predators! Their mouths are too small to bite us so they're harmless!" She was so enthusiastic in the explanation it couldnt help but draw the boys curiosity. She explained how to tell males from females and how most cockroaches are pests at all and how vital they are to the environment. Eventually Donghun worked up the courage first to touch it when offered. Jun became somewhat enamored and greeted the insect before he touched it, but jumped when it hissed before laughing at his own reaction. Chan actually opted to hold it and Byeongkwan even moved forward but Seyoon stayed in the back.

"Come on Hyung!" Chan called to him, looking more closely at the cockroach.

"I'm just looking at stuff over here you guys go on without me." Seyoon said, pretending to examine equipment near him.

"It is kind of cute." Jun admitted, petting it again, still jumping slightly when it hissed.

"On a scale of Seyoon to a Cicada how cute is it?" Donghun joked causing Jun, Chan, Byeongkwan, Guerin and Charlie to laugh.